#seriously holly is savage

[thejudeduarte]

!THE PRISONERS THRONE SPOILERS KIND OF!

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Them: the ghost is like my all time favourite character!! I love him sm and he's so nice, I hope nothing bad happens to him!

Me: *staring at tpt and sighing* I hate to be the one to break this to you, but...

[wrestlingfaves]

Royal Rumble Marathon: 1994

We’re rumbling into 1994.

Spoilers for past Rumbles.

The undercard:

Tatanka vs Bam Bam Bigelow (accompanied by Luna Vachon). Another okay Rumble match for Bam Bam. I like Bigelow but his Rumble matches are rather uninspiring. Let’s talk about Luna – an underappreciated and underrated woman of wrestling, From 1990 to 1993, it was slim pickings for women in North American wrestling (Japan is a different story – the joshis were on fire in this era). The 1990 to 1994 era had three of the all-time greats (Sherri, Luna, and Woman) dominating the scene. Madusa, Missy Hyatt, and Elizabeth made sporadic appearances, but it was the trio I mentioned above that dominated the WWF/WCW/ECW scene.  Luna’s first run in the WWF had a great if short-lived feud with Sherri but she was never used to her full potential. Luna could have had a fantastic feud with Madusa but it didn’t happen. Luna’s second run with the WWE was a complete waste of her potential. Jobbing to Sable? Seriously? The fact that Luna was never a WWF women’s champion is a crime against wrestling. Her WWF career can be summed up as “wasted potential”. At least she’s in the Hall of Fame. Still waiting for Nancy to be recognized for her contributions.

Recap video of the worsening relations between Bret and Owen Hart. One of my all-time favorite feuds in wrestling.

Bret and Owen Hart vs the Quebecers (accompanied by Johnny Polo aka Raven). Fun match – let’s be honest, Bret and Owen don’t have bad matches.  The match continues the road to Wrestlemania and the classic Bret vs Owen match. Bonus feature of a non-grunge/alternative/goth/etc Raven.

Referees and other officials attend to Bret as Owen rants into the camera.

To quote Owen: “And that’s why I kicked your leg out of your leg!”

I.R.S. (Mike Rotunda) vs Razor Ramon (Scott Hall). Another win for the Bad Guy.

A way too long Undertaker/Yokozuna recap video

Undertaker (accompanied by Paul Bearer) vs Yokozuna (accompanied by Mr Fuji and Jim Cornette) in a casket match that sees everyone and their grandmother interfere, specifically: Crush, the Great Kabuki, Genichiro Tenyru, Bam Bam Bigelow, Adam Bomb, Jeff Jarrett, the Headshrinkers, and Diesel (Kevin Nash). Taker loses due to the interference of eleven men. Taker doesn’t sell the defeat long as he disappears from the casket in a mist, reappears on the screen, mumbles nonsense that would make the Ultimate Warrior proud, and ascends in a cloud of smoke. Both meh and stupid at the same time. So many people were involved in this match that they might as well have started the Rumble early. I think the recap video and the aftermath lasted longer than the match itself. Remember when Yokozuna was booked as a monster heel? Yeah, me neither.

Comments from various participants in the Rumble: Savage, Jarrett, Tatanka, Diesel, Doink and Dink, Shawn, Luger.

The Taker-Yoko match must have run too long because Vince announces that due to time constraints there will be 90 seconds between entrants as opposed to the traditional two minutes. I’m telling you; they should have started the Rumble during the Yoko-Taker match.

The entrants, in order of appearance:

Scott Steiner

Headshrinker Samu (accompanied by Afa)

Rick Steiner

Kwang (aka Savio Vega, accompanied by Harvey Wippleman)

Owen Hart

Bart Gunn

Diesel (Kevin Nash)

Bob Backlund (Backlund was considered “old” during this era but he was the same age as the current generation’s main eventers)

Billy Gunn (Tenyru and Kabuki are attacking Luger backstage. Why? I don’t know, I guess all foreign wrestlers must attack men in patriotic tights).

Virgil (per the commentators, he’s the alternate for Kamala)

Randy Savage (Time to see if Randy has finally grasped the rules of the Rumble)

Jeff Jarrett

Crush (Brian Adams)

Doink (accompanied by Dink)

Bam Bam Bigelow (making his 3rd appearance of the night, accompanied by Luna)

Mable (aka Visera, accompanied by Oscar)

Sparky Plug (aka Bob Holly, the alternate for the 1-2-3 Kid who is out with a knee injury)

Shawn Michaels

 Mo (Men On A Mission)

Greg “The Hammer” Valentine

Tatanka

The Great Kabuki

Lex Luger

Genichiro Tenyru

Bastien Booger (aka Norman from WCW, apparently, he was “sick” and never came out

Rick “the Model” Martel

Bret Hart

Samu of the Headshrinkers (accompanied by Afa)

Marty Janetty

Adam Bomb (accompanied by Harvey Wippleman)

Bret and Lex eliminate each other to end the Rumble. The refs argue over whether Bret orLex won the Rumble. Jack Tunney enters the ring and declares the event a tie. But who’s going to Wrestlemania? To be decided.

The camerawork had a big “miss” when Diesel was eliminated. The commentators hyped up that Shawn helped the group eliminate Diesel from the Rumble. All the viewers saw was Michaels standing back and hesitating to join the group. At no point did we Shawn assist in eliminating Diesel.

First-time Rumblers: Scott Steiner, Rick Steiner, Kwang, Bart Gunn, Diesel, Billy Gunn, Jarrett, Crush, Doink, Bam Bam Bigelow, Mabel, Sparky Plug, Mo, Great Kabuki, Lex Luger, Adam Bomb

No one received entrance music, not even the first two entrants.

Random/Surprise Entrants: Great Kabuki, Genichiro Tenyru

Big Man Goes On A Rampage Spot: Diesel

Unite To Throw Out The Heavyweight Spot: Diesel, Mabel

Feuds in the Rumble: Shawn-Marty, Lex – Tenyru/Kabuki

Rating: 4 out of 10 (and the four goes to Bret and Owen, without those two this event is entirely skippable). The Taker-Yoko shenanigans went entirely two long, Kabuki and Tenyru are reduced to generic foreign heels allied with Fuji (or so were told by the commentators, we never see the pair interact with Fuji onscreen but all three are Japanese so they must be connected, right?), average at best undercard matches, even the Rumble itself is boring. My recommendation: watch Bret and Owen’s bits, skip the rest.

Wrestlers and others who have passed away: Howard Finkel, Bam Bam Bigelow, Luna Vachon, Owen Hart, Pat Patterson, Joey Marella, Gorilla Monsoon, Scott Hall, Paul Bearer, Yokozuna, Mr Fuji, Crush, Virgil, Randy Savage, Crush, Mabel, Jack Tunney

Total number of deceased individuals: 17 (tied with the previous year)

[thevagabondexpress]

Hi! I’m trying to befriend my favourite mutuals so I’m asking a bunch of questions to get to know you all better

What was/is your favourite subject in school? Were/are you good at it?

What country do you live in? What do you like/dislike about it?

Are you currently writing/planning an original story? If so, what is it about?

What genres of media do you usually consume? What books would you recommend to people?

What is your favourite poison?

what is your favourite method of murder (both to read about and what you would actually use)?

What patterns do you usually notice in the people that you hang out with?

Can I message you?

i. it depends, if you're talking elementary & middle school then english & lit hands down, but in high school it was the natural sciences: earth sciences, biology, ecology. i had great teachers for science in high school and i liked the way we did the classwork so i pulled good grades. the material itself was interesting too (i got to run around in the grass chasing butterflies with a net! we had microscopes!) and it didn't hurt that i had half the football team at least in my class and i somehow managed to get Gangsta Points(tm) with these kids for having lived on the south side of chicago as a little kid, so i managed to be cool for once.

ii. currently i live in the united states. there's so much to hate here; i'll list the one that's been dragging us most lately: privatized healthcare. as for things i like though, living in a corner of the country bordered by cryptid legends to the north (point pleasant's mothman) and west (the kelly-hopkinsville and hellier goblins), and the above-zero-fahrenheit winters, those aren't bad.

iii. i am currently working on some original projects, yes. i have three different main/major ideas but the one i'm focusing on most right now is the savage stars, which is book one of a duology i'm calling crater of grace. it has a series of short stories on ao3 if you want to check it out. it has holly black-inspired urban fantasy elements tucked into a grungy solarpunk space opera setting; i like to describe it as, "imagine if six of crows and star trek had a baby."

iv. i love sci-fi, fantasy, historical, murder mystery, and spicy queer romance. i especially like it when you get two or three or more of those genres combined. i do also love a good gothic horror novel. the books i'll always push at people are shirley jackson's we have always lived in the castle, heidi heilig's the girl from everywhere (as a standalone, the sequel is dead to me), kj charles's a charm of magpies, freya marske's the last binding, and any of anne perry's thomas pitt or william monk mysteries: anne is a classic in the victorian gothic crime novel genre.

v. i like Amanita phalloides, otherwise known as the death cap mushroom, purely because merricat blackwood does too and she is to me what hannibal is to a lot of other people. for legal reasons i do not mean this seriously.

vi. curse. definitely by laying a curse. send the hat man after this dude. literally kill him with the stuff of his own nightmares. but trapping him in a bell tower with the bells as they ring a la the nine tailors wouldn't be bad either.

vii. most of my friends are either queer or nerds or neurodivergent or all of the above. i have a surprising number of friends who are catholic. i do not know nearly enough goths which is a shame.

viii. yes. so long as it's not weirdly sexual or to plot a crime other than piracy, yes.

[linzsaw]

My Monthly Favs What’s in my cup:

Every morning I drink iced coffee made from my one & only Nespresso machine. The past few months I can’t get enough of the double espresso blend, and then I add a bit of whole milk (happy cows only) and sweet cream. I can’t find anything better from Starbucks or anywhere else. Sometimes if I’m craving a hot drink, I’ll head to Dutch Bros for a hot Carmelizer and it is totally worth the cringy 9 minute forced convo with the DB crew. I also start my day with electrolytes, currently in the watermelon flavor. It’s surprisingly really delicious but I miss the Electrolyte Synergy blend that I was drinking for a long time, which has been sold out for almost a year now. :’)

What’s on my plate:

Dinner lately has been the laziest in America. After our trip, Drew & I either have the same ole chicken, rice and veggies, a spicy “mexican bowl” or some form of pasta, usually with Raos Arriabatta sauce. This week we’ve been stuffing our faces with Trader Joe’s frozen meals. We promise to be better next month, but we are really exhausted and the last thing we feel like planning are meals. However, for the last week of December we actually have some things planned for the holiday weekend. On Friday, we’re hitting up the town as we do every year to walk around and see the lights, and find festive little bars to try out new Christmas cocktails. We plan to spend Christmas with just the two of us. For Christmas Eve we are making our annual corn beef, cabbage and carrots because apparently we are super Irish (confirmed by 23&me which btw leaked all my genes to hackers). On Christmas we are having tri-tip, garlic & butter brussel sprouts, and mashed potatoes. The Christmas cookies we’re making this year include White Chocolate Cherry Shortbread cookies, Peanut Butter Blossoms, & Holly Leaves. Okay and now that I’ve told you all that, the Christmas cocktails we decided on this year are The Mistletoe Kiss (a vodka, soda water, rosemary & cranberry drank) and Bad Santa White Russians. I also heard that Moon X Pinot Noir from Trader Joes was really good and lately the Redvolution just isn’t doing it for me.  Let me know if you want any of these recipes, ladies. I will make sure to find GF, DF, and V options. 

What’s on my bookshelf:

I’ve finished two of the Colleen Hoover books, and now I’m reading another one of hers called Verity. It’s kinda depressing but that’s kinda the vibe as of late so I’m into it. 

What’s in my playlist:

We love the Sia Christmas album. It’s so fun and happy. Believe it or not, Andy introduced me to it lol. It’s so good!! Other songs I’ve been into are I remember everything by Zach Bryan and Kacey Musgraves. It reminds me of a family member rn which is very depressing to me. Fun to cry to. Bubble - STAYC, Surround Sound - JID 21 Savage, Baby Tate, Adora Hills - Doja Cat. 

What I’m up to:

Making our house into a winter wonderland of lights. Watching hella hallmark movies. Being seriously lazy, not working out or eating healthy. Walks with Snoop around the park. Mandala scratch off nightscapes. Reading at 3am when I was jetlagged. I had a sleep study this month too, no sleep apnea for me, back to mouth taping! It really does help with quality of sleep for me. You should try it! Also magnesium spray on my feet (shout out to Aly). This has helped with my restless leg syndrome that we’ve all experienced. This weekend, we’re making all our foods and cocktails, going downtown, driving around with hot choc to look at lights, and heading up to Rocky Mountain to hike a bunch of mountains. 

Skincare Saviors:

My skin gets so dry in Colorado, its TERRIBLE. And now that I’m saving for a house, I had to break up with my amazing esthetician, who by the way I stole this template from. I’m obsessed with Dermlogica thanks to her. I use a miscellar water if I wore any make-up. If not, I just double clease with my face wash. In the AM I’ll use my Rosehip Triple C+E Firming  Oil, followed by COSRX snail mucin essence, and a magical mix of calm water gel and intensive moisture balance. 

Love you long time,

Li

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 03/12/2022 (Christmas Garbage, Stormzy)

I think this’ll be a short one. Taylor Swift’s “Anti-Hero” reigns for a sixth week and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 – which is what I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, that list includes “Major Distribution” by Drake and 21 Savage, “TV” by Billie Eilish, “One Up” by Central Cee, “She’s Not Anyone” by D-Block Europe featuring Burna Boy, the original “Miss You” by southstar sadly being eclipsed by the Oliver Tree and Robin Schulz version, “STAR WALKIN’” (League of Legends Worlds Anthem) by Lil Nas X, “Super Freaky Girl” by Nicki Minaj, “2 be Loved (Am I Ready)” by Lizzo and some really big 2022 hits saying farewell: “Big City Life” by Luude and Mattafix, “Last Last” by Burna Boy, and “Running up that Hill (A Deal with God)” by Kate Bush. Oh, and “Bad Habits” by Ed Sheeran is gone but it’ll be back. To be fair, most of this will be after Christmas.

One thing I appreciate about ACR is that in a year wherein festive celebrations came earlier than seemingly ever, there aren’t four Christmas songs in the top 10 like in the US, and we had more of a trickling in effect than Stateside. That doesn’t mean that our notable gains and returns aren’t largely dominated by holiday music, however. In terms of where our three highest-performing festive tracks are, “Merry Christmas” by Ed Sheeran and Elton John is at #15, “Last Christmas” by Wham! is at #9 and, to prove ACR’s impact, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey is at #8. Without ACR, it’d top this week’s chart. We also see 14 returning entries from the Christmas canon, so bear with me as we welcome back “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #71, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano at #70, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band and the Harlem Community Choir at #68, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #66, “Snowman” by Sia at #65, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #63, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Dean Martin at #61, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #60, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #57, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard at #53, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #51, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John at #45, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams at #44 and “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #42. I wouldn’t usually do this since I name these songs every year but it’s a short episode so I suppose it’s worth listing off my opinions on these songs, in the exact order I mentioned them. So just briefly: better than you remember, mind-numbing, infuriating, a classic, I hope the snowman isn’t autistic, sounds like a drunk dads’ karaoke (in a good way), fine enough, Satan’s spawn, modern classic, disagreeable but good, genuinely bizarre and incomprehensible, jolly good fun, sounds like a warm fireplace and finally, seriously underrated. As of now, there are five Christmas songs in the top 20.

In terms of gains outside of the Christmas songs, there really aren’t many to speak of as most songs found themselves falling or stagnating. Regardless, “Lionheart (Fearless)” by Joel Corry and Tom Grennan is at #22 and Stormzy sees gains for “Firebabe” at #11 and “Hide & Seek” at #7 off of the #1 album (more on that later). Also in the top 10 is a massive gain off of the debut for RAYE’s “Escapism.” featuring 070 Shake at #6. It’s the first top 10 hit for 070 Shake, and whilst I do doubt its longevity considering how opposed it is to sounding festive, I do hope it sticks around. It’s a great song.

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart consists of “PSYCHO” by Anne-Marie and Aitch at #5, “Miss You” by Oliver Tree and Robin Schulz at #4, “messy in heaven” by venbee, goddard. and ArrDee at #3, “Made You Look” by Meghan Trainor at #2 and of course, “Anti-Hero” at the top. Now we can go through our list of new entries on the chart, as is the point of this series yet I’ve still not found a good segue. It’s been damn near five years.

NEW ARRIVALS

#52 – “Someday at Christmas” – Lizzo

Produced by the shills over at Amazon

Every Christmas, we get Amazon pushing songs, typically covers, by big artists that are exclusive to their Amazon Music service so that Alexa will play it when someone asks for holiday music and whoever recorded it gets a cheap, Astroturf hit. To me, it kind of ruins the point of a Christmas song to make it exclusive to a service (especially considering the universal and optimistic, hopeful world view of the original song), and it largely makes no impact as the song leaks onto YouTube or... totally legal torrenting sites anyway. “Someday at Christmas” is a classic by Stevie Wonder and is available on all streaming services so it’s really not worth digging a cover up. As a part of my opposition to these sketchy Amazon original covers, I opened this spot up to people on a music Discord server largely centred around the charts to give me suggestions of songs to check out, so in kind of a lightning round, here are 10 songs that the server wanted me to listen to instead of “Someday at Christmas”.

Jade suggested “The Thrill is Gone.” by RAYE, which acts as the B-side to “Escapism.” and in my opinion is worth a single release on its own. RAYE has that typical mix of cold swagger and quivering whisper that works for the uncertain content, desperate for validation from this guy when the thrill in the relationship has just withered away. I do think the chorus is a bit weak but the jazzy groove is top-notch and really organic, especially in the breakdown, with the tempo shifts adding some real sense of dynamics across the arrangement. This new direction from RAYE reminds me of Amy Winehouse and whilst she may not have the punch yet in these singles, she’s got me compelled with these singles and I’m excited for that album.

Piran suggested “player 2” by piri & tommy, a UK garage duo who have learned from the winning formula that is PinkPantheress, mixing the classic groove with bedroom pop sensibilities. This is far from my favourite from their album froge.mp3, especially considering “beachin”, “on & on” and “say it” exist, but it still has that vintage-sounding wave of subtle keys and a thumping beat that is decent. If Tommy Villiers were a vocal presence worth caring about, I’d probably not mind the bog-standard content but in comparison to the more energetic tracks, that chorus feels kind of tedious and piri is obviously the standout in this duo when it comes to the vocalist. Regardless, it’s still got a groove to it, the build-up is well-implemented and its mix is impeccable for its genre – the bass really hits and the vocals are cloudy and all over the mix like they should be in more casual UK garage, but it’s also mostly a demo of a song that feels like it should have been re-recorded somewhere across the line.

Jade also suggested “Zukunft Pink” by Peter Fox featuring Inéz, which is Fox’s first solo release in 14 years and went #1 in Germany. I liked the intro with all the strings coalescing into each other amidst the hand claps, and they definitely carry a grandiosity when the bassy digital dancehall groove comes in. I’m not entirely convinced by Inéz on the hook but Fox’s vocals deliver a bassy rumble that is pretty fitting for this kind of subtly uplifting but also incessantly-flexing track... and compared to your average rap song, it definitely has more of a bounce to it so I’ll take it. Sure, it’s a tad unmoving but when he starts the second verse by dissing Elon Musk and the little chiptune synths arrive in the bridge, I can’t say this isn’t good fun.

Piran also suggested “The Loneliest Time” by Carly Rae Jepsen featuring Rufus Wainwright. Whilst not successful commercially since “I Really Like You”, Jepsen has won with the critics and usually, not me as much. This new single went viral on TikTok and is completely competent with its vaguely disco sound as the strings wrap around an unnecessarily driving beat that, alongside the chipmunk post-chorus, just sounds a bit too awkward. Rufus Wainwright sounds like a Jonas Brother in this but at least with a modern duet, there’s actual interplay and they both have a lot of vocal charisma, getting back together after a breakup because they’re both so irresistible. It’s cute, but the production is too distracting for me to really endorse it fully. I wish I could like Carly Rae Jepsen more than I do but more often than not, whoever’s behind the boards is doing too much. I don’t like bog-standard synthpop but I also don’t understand the need for such maximalism as that bridge with all the sound effects when the songwriting reflects such a simple, instinctual emotion. Something more minimal and striking could have worked here.

Luca suggested “Get with You Tonight” by DJ Mark Night and Lukas Setto, a throwback deep-house tune with a sweet bass hook that pretty much won me over before anything else. That specific tone of synth bass in a funky house context will never not work, and Setto has that kind of liquid voice that just meshes with the production in such an effortless way. Sure, the content isn’t compelling but in a dancefloor smash like this, it doesn’t need to, and the way each falsetto note just perfectly hits on the stabs of the synth strings in harmony makes the chorus seem so cathartic, especially when the verses tend to be slippery with subtle ad-libs. The swell of the production is really grand yet never really oversells itself because the groove is so solid that every other inflection is just a DVD bonus feature. I have no idea why this isn’t a hit, it’s incredible.

Piran also suggested “Weapons” by Ava Max, who sadly started making good music as soon as she stopped charting. Whilst this second album seems set up to be a slump in the eyes of the public, at least I’m enjoying the singles, and this is one of them. Her brand of 80s pastiche has a certain synthwave drive to it, with a delivery so coded in vocal manipulation that any emotion comes off as an act, in a perfectly camp way. If anything, I kind of wish the song was more camp, since the main chorus melody sounds like it should be in a musical and the lead synth is not far from a Phantom of the Opera organ. Regardless, the drums are punchy as Hell and it’s incessantly catchy. It’s not my favourite Ava song – “Maybe You’re the Problem” still has that on lock – but this won’t make a bad album track. If anything, that may be the problem. I’m sure there are songs more single-worthy than this one.

Jade also suggested “Baby Girl” by Disco Lines, which may take a while to explain. Firstly, Adele released the fine enough song “Melt My Heart into Stone” in 2008, and in 2010, Donald Glover took an incredible piano and vocal sample loop from that song that had real flip potential with an actually good rapper on it, but since this is early Childish Gambino, it’s embarrassing and largely cringeworthy, as well as being like two minutes too long with a bad mix. A drumless flip of this loop with Griselda on it, or even a full hip house flip, would work, but alas, it didn’t happen. In 2014, HOME released the vaporwave classic “Resonance” that in the eyes of the Internet came to define the entire movement, with its wavy synths, many of its melodies becoming pretty iconic. Nowadays, I find it pretty rote to be honest, but it’s a solid instrumental that is definitely chill to relax to and the synthwork ends up keeping you on your toes more than you’d think. Colorado DJ Disco Lines took the hook from “Do Ya Like” and the synths from “Resonance”, sped both of them up for TikTok views and made a pretty annoying loop out of it. I appreciate the mashup as I’m a fan of Bastardised pop, especially putting vaporwave with Childish Gambino because well, that’s what he should have always rapped over... but when he’s taking a mediocre hook and splashing it over synths that become less recognisable once you’ve added these bog-standard house drums over it, it just becomes much of a muchness, not really existing in a form that is separable from virality, especially when he starts sampling MLG meme lines. Like come on, at least pretend it’s a real song.

Luca also suggested “CORALINE” by Maneskin, proving my thesis that this band is better in their native tongue. The acoustic backing reminds me of a Latin-inflected Red Hot Chili Peppers with how it makes a surprisingly flickery and upbeat strum sound drained and mellow, and whilst the language barrier does prevent me from fully taking the lyrics in and I can’t comment on their tone because of what may be lost in translation, it’s a pretty compelling and tragic story about a girl called Coraline who seems emblematic of those longing for a release or escape from a constant background of mental trauma. Frontman Damiano David plays it safer with his nasal tone which makes it even more gripping when that first electric guitar riff comes in and he breathily whispers over the tumbling drums, his delivery evolving into a raspy screech as the song intensifies and... yeah, this is exactly my thing. These suggestions have been good, but this one in particular scratches an itch that is so cathartic to me and I don’t get to talk about hard rock nearly enough on this show. David strains himself in his slippery delivery which sounds as messy and difficult to solve as the mental problems he’s describing, especially when his rolling rasp gets more venomous and desperate over the a killer drum fill – I had to search who Maneskin’s drummer was and whilst Thomas Raggi deserves credit for his guitar work, especially on that solo, the drums from Ethan Torchio are just crushing and absorb all space in the mix. It is seriously intense and honestly perfect for this content, especially if restraint wins over sonically as Damiano sounds defeated moaning over the same acoustic riff we started with. It’s a passionate, heartbreaking song that is pretty much up my specific alley in many ways: I live for dramatic alt-rock melancholy, and this is up there. Maybe I shouldn’t write these guys off as much as I do sometimes.

Piran also suggested “Blue” by Sigrid, which is in comparison to the previous song, kind of underwhelming. There isn’t really room for comparison here though as these are pretty much randomly selected tracks. I’m not a fan of Sigrid anyway, but what I’ve heard from her recently doesn’t even have the same punch as her debut, and as a ballad, “Blue” just feels like it exists. It almost has a country twang in its acoustics but watered down so that a Norwegian actually makes sense singing on it. There isn’t enough detail to the content to make it all that distinguishable, and it probably needed some extra drafts so that the writing weren’t so repetitive, especially if as a song it’s going to be this cloudy and unmoving. Sigrid is a great singer for sure, and she delivers vocally here, but she’s selling very little over a song that doesn’t even have a typical power ballad swell. This is just... completely fine, and that’s pretty much it.

Finally, Jade also suggested... “Vagina” by cupcakKe. You know, the blaring instrumental of this song sounds really dated for 2015, especially considering that a lot of other trap from that era has not aged one bit, and the rattling lo-fi percussion is pretty distracting, especially with the twinkling bells that are loud enough in the mix to annoy me. It’s just a bit of an instrumental headache and it really is unfortunate that there is not a comically obnoxious female rapper talking explicitly about sex over this beat. I get we can’t have everything we want.

Of course, we can’t exactly have a Best or Worst of the Week for this week, so I may as well replicate it for this section: my favourite was by far “CORALINE” by Maneskin but “Get with You Tonight” by Mark Night and Lukas Setto gets pretty close – turns out Luca suggested both. I’m not really a fan of all of them, but it’s mostly a good batch and the only track I’d say I dislike is “Baby Girl” by Disco Lines, but even that is only less than two minutes and has some decent ideas going for it. A big thank you is due to everyone who suggested, of course. Oh, and if you’re forgetting what this show is about:

#32 – “This is What I Mean” – Stormzy

Produced by P2J, Knox Brown, PRGRSHN and Joel Peters

Stormzy feels confused. This arguably maturer, slower effort This is What I Mean still gave him a #1 album but sonically, he seems too ambitious for his own will. He’s still a great rapper, yet he spends a great deal of his time singing. He has an ear for great production, but doesn’t develop upon the foundation enough. The beats are all immaculately mixed for the most part and definitely intricately sequenced but in the Jacob Collier fashion wherein very little soul is brought to the table and we’re relying on Stormzy for the emotional impact... which is just not going to come through since whilst he has a resonant voice in rap, he’s not going to tug at your heartstrings in R&B mode. Also, Jacob Collier helped produce the album – go figure. It’s a conflicted album that is less than the sum of its parts but ultimately delivers a pretty apt path for Stormzy to go from here, even if this album is far from perfect. My favourite track was the sweet, retrospective “I Got My Smile Back” which is way too wholesome for me not to dig, but the title track does get close, mostly because it’s a grime posse cut and those rarely fail. Stormzy handles most of the track, which mixes a fluttering romanticist piano with pulsating, warping bass and a genuine swell in the strings for the intro, before flattening into staccato harmonies and shrieks for Stormzy to start going off... and he does. There’s not much wordplay, but his sheer cold confidence and playfulness with his flow is more than enough to make up for it, especially when all of the vocal loops create an incomprehensible, bassy mess that he somehow still stands out against, before the grimey, filthy bass beat comes in and he can slide over it as he usually does, with effortless swagger and a wonderful blend of ad-libs and sound effects that are all so intricately placed to fit with Stormzy’s flow that it sounds like it took weeks. For the third verse and the bridge, Ms Banks comes in to trade bars with Stormzy, appearing on a distorted phone call verse that has a striking yell to it, right before Ghanaian singer Amaarae comes in and kills it with her convicted swells, venomous chants and violent, eerie harmonies perfectly aligned with the strings. I think it’s pretty hilarious that the week after Stormzy called himself Kanye, he said that he vibed with Hitler, but when you sit on an album for this long, some of it can age... not quite so well. The track ends with an infectious chant and hypeman outro from Black Sherif that goes pretty hard, and whilst I wish it ended up with a more solid bang and really, it fails to set the stage for how the album actually sounds, it’s great on its own and definitely has single material.

Conclusion

Well, I suppose Stormzy, Ms Banks, Amaarae and Black Sherif get Best of the Work for “This is What I Mean” but there’s not exactly competition, especially since Lizzo’s cover is only a negative on principle and is honestly a pretty fine, faithful rendition. As for next week, I imagine it’ll mostly be more Christmas garbage, but for now, thanks for reading, rest in peace to Irene Cara and Christine McVie, and I’ll see you next week!

[funigami-games]

A dream come true! The Prince's Heart is getting a Voice Over

When we started The Prince's Heart, we never thought we'd find so many wonderful persons willing to collaborate on our project.  Here we are now, a month later, with an entire crew of professional and aspiring Voice Actors willing to help us realize our Visual Novel!

Special thanks to our amazing Casting Director, Jacob Wilson, who directed the whole Voice Over process.

Let's meet the entire cast (in order of appearance in the game)!

Nick Chang as Edward (Protagonist)

I was born in Manhattan, but raised in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, where I currently reside. I also proudly identify as a 2nd generation Asian American (half Hong Kong via my mother, half Taiwanese via my father) and a member of the LGBTQIA+ community (gay and demisexual). Since childhood, I have had a distinct love of music and performance. Having played violin from 4th to 12th grade and sung for even longer, I used music as a primary means to express myself growing up. As I progressed from high school to college, I discovered online voice acting, but it was not until my time in graduate school that I formally decided to become an actor. My interest initially stemmed from a desire to help out in localization projects, but over the time I have spent voice acting, I have come to not only develop a great appreciation of the craft of acting, but also further deepen my love of music and rekindle my love of performance. With my singing experience as a basis to my unique perspectives, I hope to bring sensitivity, curiosity, and innovation to every project I work on!

Jacob Wilson as Adam

I’m a voice actor, Casting and voice director based in Dallas Texas. I’ve been working in this field for almost four years Now. It’s a journey that has taken me literally around the world and I’m so thankful for all I’m able to do and have accomplished. Being a part of amazing projects like this one are what fuel me to pursue my passions. I realized I was bisexual when I was 18. It’s a group in the LGBT+ community that continues to get flak from seemingly all over. But my faith in it and myself has always been unshaken. Outside of VO I am a drag artist in the making under the name “Twilight Stunning”, who I’m going to show more properly in the coming months! I’m so thankful I’m in the position I am, and I can’t wait to see what we have in store for y’all!

Bradley Gareth as Michael (Main Character)

Bradley was raised in Western Pennsylvania, learning piano from age 5 and taking up local community theater at age 10. He pursued the performing arts throughout high school, consistently participating in high school musicals and chorus festivals during his tenure there. At the end of high school, he also took multiple classes in musical composition and began doing online voiceover work.

During his time in college, Bradley participated in numerous professional and amateur voiceover productions both online and at the University of Pittsburgh's student radio station, WPTS Radio. While at WPTS, Bradley also began writing advertisements and online content for websites.

Now out of school, Bradley continues to lend his voice to multiple productions, dabble in musical composition, and provide content writing for WrightlySo.com.

Jared Prize as David (Main Character)

Singing provides me with some of the greatest joy in life. Outside of that, I love voice acting, hiking, and hanging with friends. My day job involves working with computers, so I like to find a bit of an escape into the creative-realm during my free time. My sexuality has always been a struggle, but I find comfort in not putting a label on it (at least for now). Mostly, I am very excited to be a part of an ambition team of lovely people. Working within a project like this brings excitement during the process, and even more-so while waiting for the final piece! I hope you enjoy what's to come xo

Marisa Duran as Lady Marie

Hey there, I’m Marisa Duran. I’m an actress working and living in Dallas, Texas.

I caught the "theatre bug" at a young age. My parents will tell you that it started when I was two years-old, dancing around to the Barney theme song. I agree wholeheartedly.

I grew up in a suburb on the east side of Dallas and was fortunate to have the opportunity to explore a city known for its rich culture and artistic influence. My passion for theatre was fueled by the many musicals that toured through town and I quickly decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life as a professional actor.

In 2016 I graduated Magna Cum Laude from Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas with my Bachelor of Fine Arts in Theatre, emphasis in Acting. Since then, I’ve had the privilege of working with multiple professional theatre companies in the DFW area. I’ve also expanded my career into the worlds of film and voiceover, landing roles in short films, webseries, and commercials, and lending my voice to over a dozen anime titles at FUNimation.

Art has the power to heal, to change, and to empower. As an artist, I believe that my purpose on this earth is to tell stories, and through these stories I hope to make a positive impact and leave people better than I found them. I consider it an honor to be able to use my talents in such a profound way.

Whenever I’m not rehearsing or recording, you can usually find me at my day-time marketing job, playing video-games, or drinking coffee at a local coffeeshop.

Kiba Walker as Zachariah

Born Arthur Lee Walker III in Tacoma, Washington, Kiba Walker is an American actor, musician, director, writer, and performer based out of Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas.

Kiba trained under the likes of various industry professionals such as Shane Sparks, Donyelle Jones, Tony Oliver, Betty "Waters" Kennedy, Chuck Huber, Sonny Strait, Chris Rager, Justine Reyes, Lorette Spicer, Bill Quinby, Angie Irons, Dan Lorge, Holly Clark Lorge, Spencer Christian, and many others. With 16 years of collective industry knowledge, Kiba has performed with the likes of Alice Underground, The Stereo Killers, Frankly Fictitious, CRVSH, Grant Davis, Ashley Ann Farley, Steve "Warky" Nunez, BASH!, Ryland Lynch, Ross Lynch, Will Jay, and more.

Voice over came to Kiba in his later years, around the age of 18, when he found his love doing an ask blog for Tumblr. From there, he took the craft seriously and networked profusely with various actors and companies in the voice over realm. His first roles were as Boku Temagawa in "Love Games" and Mike Connelly in "Zoolaplex".

Since 2014, he's been cast in various other projects including MY HERO ACADEMIA, HORIMIYA, GENSHIN IMPACT, FRUITS BASKET, ONE PIECE, SAINT SEIYA (2019 Sentai Dub), BLACK CLOVER, BOFURI! I DON'T WANNA GET HURT SO I'LL MAX OUT MY DEFENSE, CAUTIOUS HERO: THE HERO IS OVERPOWERED BUT OVERLY CAUTIOUS, CASE FILE NO.221 KABUKICHO, CAMP BUDDY, FULL SERVICE, TO TRUST AN INCUBUS, TO LOVE RU, O MAIDENS IN YOUR SAVAGE SEASON, EARTHLOCK, POPUP DUNGEON, SOMETHING IN THE DARK, RADIANT, and many more!

He's also directed such titles as FULL SERVICE, IDUEL: BATTLE  FOR STARDOM, ISHIDA & ASAKURA, THE TITAN'S BRIDE, and CAMP BUDDY.

As a musician now, Kiba currently has one album out, titled "XO", that released in May 2016. He runs a music channel called "KibaKovers", adapting anime and video game openings into English for a broader audience, as well as regular Top 40 covers. He is also one of the champions of the hit Fort Worth Drag Competition, The 3, as Salem Moon!

Mike Young as Sir Tiphis

Hello, I’m Mike Young. A dynamic, versatile and different British VP voice actor with gravitas, who can turn on various shades of Bristol, and run the spectrum of silky smooth, to warm and friendly.

Under the brilliant tutelage of Tanya Rich, my road to a professional voice acting career begin in 2018, having produced a wide variety of stories and audiobooks.

I lend my talent to a range of different projects:

Hard sell and soft sell commercial and corporate scripts

IVR for telephone systems and mobile apps

Instructional e-learning courses

Promotional adverts and trailers

Public service announcements

Character narration for video games, film, audio dramas and books

…and more!

I love it all, I do it all! And if you like what you hear, contact me! I’ll be sure to make your project gurt lush.

[radishreader]

...Megan confirmed that she had been shot. People accused her of lying. Eventually, in August, she went on Instagram to name Lanez as her assailant. He denied it, creating a controversy that spawned insults, jokes, and memes made at Megan's expense. Stories were leaked to the press, including screenshots of Lanez's text apology. Members of Lanez's team fabricated emails to undermine Megan's account. Somehow, before the Los Angeles County district attorney had even weighed in, the case had been tried on social media—and improbably Megan had become, to some people, more of a villain than a victim. To her, the comments of critics seemed louder than ones from her supporters.

To defend herself, she felt compelled to reveal more than she'd wanted to—she posted a now deleted photo of her feet, with stitches, post-surgery, as proof that she had actually been injured. Finally, she tweeted: “Black women are so unprotected & we hold so many things in to protect the feelings of others w/o considering our own. It might be funny to y'all on the internet and just another messy topic for you to talk about but this is my real life and I'm real life hurt and traumatized.”

Megan had discussed all of it—the shooting itself, the social media shitstorm—with relative calm, but it's recalling her decision to tweet this that kicks up all the emotion she's struggling now to hold back. The simple feeling that she was out there alone, fighting for herself, and almost nobody took her pain seriously—as well as the realization that the same is endlessly true for other Black women, including the one who raised her.

She clears her throat. “When I was growing up, my mom didn't have any help with me,” Megan says. “Everybody was doing everything that they could do to help. But it was only so much that my grandmother could do. And it was like, there'll be times that I'm in an apartment with my mama and I know something's wrong, but I don't know what it is.” She pauses and tugs down on her hat. Megan's mother, Holly Thomas, died from a brain tumor in March of 2019. They were incredibly close. When she was growing up in Houston, Megan says, her family wasn't rich, but it was her mom who made her feel not just that she had everything she needed but that she wasn't missing out on what she wanted, either.

Megan clears her throat again and begins to speak, this time like she's addressing her mother directly. “Like, now, I'm understanding you got a lot on you; it's a lot of pressure, but you're not saying it to nobody. I know it's probably just hard, to be a single mama trying to take care of yourself and your daughter. And you're putting on a face.… You are acting like everything was okay so I feel comfortable.” Megan pauses and brings it back to what she's experiencing right now: “I feel like a lot of Black girls learn that early. I did. I do that a lot.”

Throughout the strange weeks that followed the shooting, what surprised Megan most was that even though she had been a victim, she felt an expectation to project strength. “Like damn,” she says, “I have to be tough through all this? All the time? It was like, who really checks on us or who protected us? You just go your whole life with that mentality. And then when something actually happens to you, when you properly should have protected yourself, your first instinct was not to protect yourself, it was protecting other people.… So it was like, ‘What do I do?’ ‘What do I say?’ Like, ‘Is anybody going to believe what I'm saying?’ ”

Megan falls silent, giving herself another moment. She starts again carefully. “It was weird,” she says. “I saw something that said, ‘Check on your strong friends.’ And, like, a lot of people, they don't do that because they think, Oh, this person is just so strong, so I know they got their stuff together.… I feel like I have to be strong for everybody, and I don't want my friends or anybody around me to feel like it's a pressure on me, 'cause I feel like they all start freaking out.”...

[thesportssoundoff]

“No but seriously, he has one eye” The Brawl For All Combatants Ordered Out!

So a few weeks ago, I presented you with a beginning outline of what I'm aiming to do here. A chance to take a long look at the Brawl For All; a concept so insiduous that I imagine even Vince McMahon has aimed to bury it in the deepest recesses of his mind. The first time out we looked at its genesis, the concepts and the back stories beyond the concepts:

http://thesportssoundoff.tumblr.com/post/183395306465/what-happens-when-you-take-a-bad-idea-and-make-it

NOW let's take a long look at who participated, who didn't participate and the fallacy behind the entire project IF rumors are to be believed.

A Hot Take To Lead Us Off

This is something I long theorized but a long look at the people involved in the Brawl For All confirmed it for me. So by and large, the Brawl For All was a stupid dumb concept. Agreed, right? Well what if it could've worked elsewhere? Now again the rules are dumb, the genesis behind it was dumb, everything about it from stem to stern is full of stupidity. Allow me to argue that it COULD have worked; just not in the WWF. When you see the roster the WWF was working with here, it's not going to blow you away on paper and we obviously have a mighty fine idea of how the execution went. What about a different Brawl For All roster? Saaay (in 1998 when this happened):

Rick or Scott Steiner- Decorated All American wrestlers for the University of Michigan Scott Norton- Legitimate tough guy bad ass professional arm wrestler, former bodyguard of Prince Jerry Flynn- Taekwando practitioner, former mixed martial artist Earnest Miller- Three time karate champion Glacier- Professional karate man dude prior to pro wrestling Brian Knobbs/Jerry Saggs- The JBL's of WCW in more ways than one seemingly Meng- All time legendary tough guy and bar room savage Barbarian- Genuine tough guy El Dandy- Jam Up Guy Serious Professional All Around Good Man

Plus the other litany of guys who were noted shooters or tough guys on the undercard. Let's also be fair and note that the South was a touch more receptive to the UFC at this point in time than say the East Coast as well. Perhaps it could've worked with a better roster and perhaps WCW, with its glut of shooters and tough guys respected in the industry, would've been better suited for a Brawl For All.

Or maybe it's just a stupid fucking idea with no merit. That too.

So who DIDN'T participate?

Well let's start with the very beginning and work our way back. Let's talk about some of the guys who just opted NOT to participate. For starters, the big stars were obviously not going to partake in this. Right off the jump you have to assume Undertaker, Austin, DX, The Rock, Kane, Mankind, Vader and the like are not going to be participating. This was about giving a bunch of guys they kind of didn't give a shit about something to do so that meant no sacrificing top stars. It was filler programming and obviously everybody doing important shit was busy doing important shit. Also of note was that the WWF did not want originally the likes of Dan Severn, Steve Blackman and Ken Shamrock in it. Ken apparently wasn't interested and made the argument that it didn't benefit him given the fact that he was a genuine UFC star still to take a pit stop in pro wrestling. At the same time, Dan Severn was asked not to participate at first and then had to be coerced into taking a spot when injuries happened. The same goes for Steve Blackman who was signed up after a few drop outs occurred, primarily due to the promise of Blackman being allowed to throw kicks in the tournament. The dropouts are hard to pinpoint but Tiger Ali Singh is one of the more notorious ones per Bob Holly. I've also read around that Ahmed Johnson was at one point supposed to be in it but I've never been able to confirm that (or remember the shoot interview that it was mentioned in). The point is that on its face, the Brawl For All was going to be a shoot fighting tournament without the two genuine proven shoot fighters in case you're curious about the true idea behind it.

Also as an MMA fan, I can't help but notice the # of "I was a last minute addition" stories these guys have. Lord knows that has to be a common thing said by guys like Sean Shelby and Mick Maynerd to get some of these fights done. I'd imagine that "We need a guy and you're going to help us out!" sweet talk happens to this day. My immediate thought is that they were either a) having a tough time filling spots in the Brawl For All and started telling people they were in need of last minute additions or b) most of these guys regret doing it and figure saying they were last minute replacements helps take the edge off.

So who WAS in?

We got sixteen names so buckle up and pour a drink or two.

8-Ball- Ron Harris aka 1/2 of The Blu Brothers aka Vince Russo's Creative Control. Vince Russo has never been a master of subtlety and so I suppose it's no surprise that one of his top angles was "Gang Warz" pitting an all white stable (The DOA) vs an all Puerto Rican tag team (Los Boricuas) vs a mostly all black tag team (the Nation Of Domination). Needless to say, Vince Russo makes it hard to defend him sometimes. To my knowledge neither Ron nor brother Don have any sort of proven fighting experience and the less said about them (and their tattoos), the better off we'll be. Ron (and Don) were rumored to have threatened Shawn Michaels on their last night in the WWF in the 90s, a rumor that seems to be corroborated by at least a few folks.

Steve Blackman- Most of the dudes who talk about the Brawl For All admit that this guy probably wins it all things being equal. Blackman had a legit karate background with some muay thai and amateur wrestling mixed in. Besides Blackman somehow overcame being bedridden for two years with malaria to become a legitimate pro wrestler so needless to say if it's a "Who wants it more?" shoot type deal, he's going to cover the grit and grind department well. Blackman is also rumored to have once taken down The Big Show and held him down until Show begged him to let him up which is akin to Bob Backlund apparently getting the Iron Sheik down and sitting on him until he either lost interest or was asked to let him up. Steve Blackman is by all intents and purposes a badass.

Bradshaw- Apparently the inspiration behind this atrocity depending upon who you ask. Bradshaw's reputation is marred now with incidents of bullying (real or fabricated), pro wrasslin' racism (goosestepping in Germany to get heat, some other old school heel shenanigans) and borderline dangerous behavior like blindsiding the Blue Meanie and beating the shit out of him when Meanie thought it was a working brawl. At this point though, none of that is really widespread and Bradshaw is just a fake Stan Hansen who looks tough and stiffs the hell out of people. He's about to eventually turn into a mute member of the Undertaker's industry before he comes a heel mercenary for hire before they turn into FUN beer drinking cigar smoking mercenaries for hire before turning into a Wall Street rich Texan chasing Mexicans "at the border" to get heat for a feud with Eddie Guerrero. I suppose you cant say Bradshaw didn't earn it at least.

Brakkus- Wooof. Brakkus was a massive German bodybuilder who apparently didn't quite understand that the Brawl For All wasn't worked. The WWF had big plans for Brakkus (if they send you to Memphis to work for Lawler in the USWA, it probably means they had a long term vision for him) but he sucked and no matter where they sent him, he continued to suck. He was bad in Memphis, was bad in ECW and ultimately this feels like an attempt to just do something with him. Again though, how good you are as a pro wrestler doesn't matter in the Brawl For All. It was about legit fighting----and Brakkus apparently according to Savio Vega had no idea he was in a real fight. Keep that in mind.

Mark Canterbury- I have NO idea why Henry O. Godwinn is listed on wikipedia by his real name but fuck it, here he is! So full blindspot up front, I LOVED Henry O' Godwinn as a kid. He carried around a slop bucket, poured what looked like puke on people, wrestled in overalls which helped him stand out and it sort of gets lost in the fact that he was given a dumb gimmick (In the mid 90s, it felt like the WWE was acknowledging how big of a slide it was in because every human being had a side hustle) that Godwinn could absolutely work. Here's Godwinn vs Bret Hart in a killer match btw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9vihPkNmLM. This was before Vince Russo and company turned them from a fun midcard act into a gross-ish play on Vince McMahon's distaste for southerners. Oh and also! Henry Godwin PROBABLY is doing this with a  still kinda broken neck. He broke it in 1997, was told to take three months or more off (Godwinn gives numbers ranging from ten weeks to sixteen weeks) and he just showed back up in less than two months to work through it. Keep that in mind.

Droz- A tragic story all in all which we'll get to eventually. Droz at this point is basically coming out of a dead angle with the LOD where he was written in storyline to be feeding drugs (and whatever else) to Road Warrior Hawk in an attempt to take his place in the Legion Of Doom. If it sounds awful it's because it was and while MAYBE a good writer can make that work, we're talking about the WWF in 1998 trying to soap opera a drug pusher/drug abuse victim angle. It ultimately ended with Droz shoving Road Warrior Hawk off the titantron while Hawk was attempting to commit suicide. Again, it's as bad as you'd believe. Droz had a college football background but that's about it unless I missed some boxing or kickboxing background.

The Godfather- By all accounts the Godfather is a badass. He was hip to MMA before the UFC really caught on, was a freakishly devoted bodybuilder and he just looks like the sort of guy who would take very little shit from anybody. The Godfather is about to become THE Godfather as he's transitioning from Kama Mustafa and the Nation Of Domination's actually good muscle enforcer (Mark Henry is bad around this time and would continue to be such until about 2009 or so) but at this point I'd imagine the writing is on the wall for most of the NOD guys that the Rock is about to leave them in the dust and this group is going to theoretically die a death. The Godfather is about to take a seriously big turn but FIRST, the Brawl For All!

Bart Gunn- At this point, Bart Gunn is doing nothing. Basically nothing. One could even say less than nothing. Bart Gunn is in The New Midnight Express, an angle that Vince Russo has claimed was apparently a way to shut up Jim Cornette and prove to him that old style wrestling couldn't work in 1998. Bart Gunn was apart of the Smoking Gunns and according to him, he had toughman contest experience. Apparently Bart Gunn got brought into the Brawl For All because Kevin Kelly had seen him wear out big guys in Tampa and per Billy Gunn, Bart was the sort of dude who could wipe out a bar room full of people if need be. That said it's not like Bart had any boxing experience or what have you.

Hawk- Another noted tough dude and one of pro wrestling's weirdest mysteries. Every old school dude be it Kevin Sullivan, Jim Cornette or Paul Heyman raves about Hawk as a talent and claims he could've been a major marquee attraction as a singles wrestler. Kevin Sullivan in particular claims that had he had the opportunity to work with Hawk and freshen him up as a singles wrestler, he could've been an Undertaker-esque attraction who drew money across multiple character iterations. Hawk is coming off his personal demons storyline which I mentioned before that sucked. At this point, he and Animal have broken down and are in serious need of repairs from a physical and character standpoint.

Bob Holly- Bradshaw and Bob Holly in the same tournament and somehow they didn't face off? In 2019, I imagine people would be rooting for a double KO (although Bob's image has softened with fans since leaving the WWE) but at this point Bob Holly is just trying to figure shit out in his career. He's teaming with Bart Gunn in the New Midnight Express after sputtering out (HA HA) as a race car driver. Bob Holly is another dude who by in large is just known as a tough guy with a bit of a bully streak tendency behind that reputation. Owner of the wrestling world famous "YOU GOT TWENTY FOUR HOURS TO LEARN HOW TO FIGHT, BITCH!" threat to Rene Dupree before he kicked the shit out of him over parking tickets.

Marc Mero- The story of Marc Mero is a rough one with a happy ending. Marc Mero was really over in WCW as Johnny B. Badd, a Little Richard knock off with a Badd Blaster that shot confetti. Johnny B. Badd was so over that Vince paid him big money to be Johnny B. Badd----only for someone to smarten him up that Johnny B. Badd was a WCW trademark so he had paid for a guy who was trained from jump to do ONE role his whole career. Marc Mero was pretty over and underrated as a wrestler (I SWEAR BY THIS) before his knees gave in. Making matters worse for him was that his wife, Rena, was the women's face of the Attitude Era as Sable. According to Jim Cornette, Marc Mero was trying to be a good husband and help get his super over wife even MORE over---so he took a powerbomb from her on TV. Mero's future big money opponent was Stone Cold who happened to be  watching the show at the time from home. Apparently Austin called up Vince McMahon and immediately asked who he would be working with on next week's Raw since he wasn't going to do any business with Mero after eating a powerbomb on TV from his wife. I don't know if this was before or after the Brawl For All though so take that for what it's worth. Either way, Mero is doing a boxing gimmick now (he is apparently a reputable legit golden gloves champion) and so it makes sense he'd be in the Brawl For All.

Pierre- This is a real shootfight tournament. Actual punches are being thrown and takedowns are implemented. This is, again, a legitimate shoot fight----and so of course one of the dudes involved in the shoot fight is missing an eye. Quebeccer Pierre/Pierre Carl Oulette/Jon Pierre Lefitte is missing an eye and was competing in a shoot tournament WITH one eye. We're not talking Michael Bisping fighting with a damaged eye for years on end, we're talking about an actual lack of an eye. This happened, people. We'll talk more about Pierre (and his amazing story in 2019) but right now in 1998, he's JAG who is bouncing between WCW and WWF looking for something to do. He's also at this point known as the guy who refused to put Kevin Nash over in 1995 despite Nash being the face of the company. PCO is the original Bret Hart, refusing to job in Canada.

Scorpio- I gotta admit I have no idea what Scorpio is doing here. I bet he doesn't know either if we're being truthful. Scorpio is one of those guys who was ahead of his time but seemed incapable of staying on the right path (whatever that means in wrestling) to get what he was due. He had come into the WWF in 1997 as Flash Funk and so I imagine Flash Funk was over and he's just killing time until the Job Squad angle.  Scorpio is apparently a legit tough guy (or madman depending on who you ask) and held a 1-0 unofficial record over Hawk after he beat the shit out of him in WCW.

Dan Severn- Dan Severn was told he wouldn't even be allowed to participate and then was told the day OF the taping that he was needed to take a spot. Severn is not too far removed from being a UFC everything (champion, tournament winner etc etc) and so he's for the most part a prospective favorite. That's probably why he wasn't asked to compete at first I'd imagine since the plan was PERHAPS to get somebody else over. Another rumor is that Severn is such a boring plain dude with a boring plain style (Severn admits his plan was to never throw a punch and just grapple people) that if he had won, there would've been no payoff in it.

Savio Vega- I have NO idea if Savio Vegas has a professional sports background or what the deal was. Apparently Savio Vegas asked to be in it and was also the unofficial official matchmaker (he drew the names out of a hat) and he's Puerto Rican so he's got my rooting interest right away. I think Los Boricuas at this point were in full swing and Savio was obviously the head of said stable. Gang Warz was dumb as hell.

Steve Williams- And we reach the FINAL name. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams. Steve Williams was a former football player at the University of Oklahoma and one of the more decorated wrestlers in Oklahoma history. He had carved out a niche in Japan by this point after establishing himself as a star in Mid South with the occasional stop off in the NWA/Jim Crockett Promotions/various regional feds and start ups. Williams didn't have any official fighting background but he was a crazy good wrestler and by all accounts a ridiculous bad ass. Jim Cornette tells stories of Dr. Death fighting fans and laying bodies to waste with little to no effort. He was also extremely popular with people in the WWF office, namely Jim Ross and Jim Cornette. Bruce Prichard doesn't QUITE say that the WWF thought Dr. Death would win the Brawl For All but he does a damn good enough impression of Jim Ross advocating for Steve Williams that I have to believe it. Vince Russo has spoken in the past about Steve Williams being Jim Ross' "boy" and how this was basically his way of seeing whether Jim Ross was right. Bob Holly has said that they were already doing vignettes with Barry Switzer and interviews as if Dr. Death won the Brawl For All. Dr. Death claims that the Triple H push of 1999 was the one Vince had promised him before the Brawl For All.

All of this brings me to my final point.....

Dr. Death was never going to be a big star in the WWF

I truly hate to speak ill of the dead and I'm trying hard no to either. Let's just speak from a more realistic pragmatic grounded stance. The kind of talent that was getting over in 1999 falls into three distinct categories. The first were talkers, guys and gals who could rap so to speak and had tremendous presence. Promo guys could carry the day and even IF you gave Dr. Death a Jim Ross to do the talking for him, let's not forget that by 1998 at this point in July there's basically just one manager actually doing anything as a talker and that's Paul Bearer. "Dr. Death" Steve Williams was not a talker and even if he was, he's certainly not the kind of talker who would fit in Vince McMahon's WWF. The second were guys who were big with "the look" according to Vince McMahon. Pull up a picture of every top star in 1998 for the WWF and then slide Dr. Death in there and ask if he fits the mold. He's unique for sure and there's the Mick Foley outlier----but imagine how long it took Mick Foley to be seen as legitimate by Vince McMahon. Even if Dr. Death is the definition of a Jim Ross style Hoss, he looks woefully out of date by 1998 standards. He in many ways, like a lot of guys who frequently toured Japan and basically were behind on the times, looked like he had been left in 1988. Lastly there were the gimmick guys; the Undertaker, Kane, The Rock, DX, Austin etc etc. Dr. Death's gimmick was that he was an ass kicker which is great but AGAIN we are to believe every human being in the WWF at this time is an ass kicker. Maybe Vince and company would've found a way to get something out of him but the chances are that Dr. Death would've never been a big star. Could he have feuded with Stone Cold? Surely! A big money draw? A multi million dollar hit? I just don't see it. Can't imagine it. Also let's be fair here, how toned down would his style have been for the WWF at the time as well? Is he going to suplex Steve Austin around after Stone Cold broke his neck? I'm not quite buying that either.

So there's your sixteen. You got a few amateur wrestlers ten years beyond their competitive days, a boxer or two, a toughman contest guy, a few dudes who dabbled in kickboxing and a man with legitimately one eye. You've got the guy who the company thinks SHOULD win it. So who won the fuckin' thing? How did they win it?

That's for next time.

[hollyoaksloversx]

Guilty!

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (7th-11th January 2019)

It was the week of Buster’s trial but things didn’t get off to the best of starts when Ollie disappeared just hours before the trial was due to commence. Having been approached by Arlo, a professional footballer and friend of Buster, offering him a professional contract if he didn’t testify, Ollie was seriously conflicted and made the decision to leave the village. However, his friends and family later found him hiding out in The Bean and convinced him to attend court as planned.

Ollie was a bag of nerves as he took to the stand and things didn’t look good when the defence barrister brought up the fact that he’d lied about Scott taking inappropriate pictures of him, pointing out that if he’d lied about this, he could well be lying about Buster too. Things got even worse when Luke arrived to be cross examined and ended up being escorted out when his temper boiled over. With the brutal cross examinations playing on his mind, Darren told Mandy and Ollie that he didn’t think Brooke would cope when her turn came and suggested that they tell her she didn’t have to testify. Mandy was initially reluctant, what with Brooke being the only person to actually witness Buster’s abuse, but Ollie took charge and lied to his relieved friend that she was no longer needed. 

Unsurprisingly, the court didn’t go easy on Brody either, suggesting that he was lying about Buster due to his football career failing to take off. Brody’s main hope of getting a conviction was Damon. Of course, we know that Damon’s lying about overhearing Maggie and Buster’s argument about Brody and it didn’t take long for Buster’s defence barrister to begin picking apart Damon’s evidence. Damon got himself tied up in knots as he attempted to defend himself and was eventually forced to admit that he was lying. As a result, the judge announced that there was no longer enough evidence to bring about a conviction for Brody’s accusation, and his case was dropped. Whilst Brody refused to hold this against Damon, he was later left devastated when he discovered that Damon had a letter from Buster, begging him not to lie in court...

Meanwhile, over at the Maalik’s, Sami was busy prepping Imran for court but Misbah didn’t take too kindly to Sami’s attempts to emulate a trial and put a stop to it. When Sami pointed out that the real thing would be far more cut-throat, Misbah decided that Imran wasn’t testifying, reasoning that he’d been through enough already. Desperate to have his turn in the stand, Imran told his Mother and Brother that Buster had attempted to abuse him too, playing a voicemail on his phone to prove it. Imran told this to the court, leaving Ollie furious that Imran had kept this from him. With some help from Brooke, the two lads made up and were side by side when Buster was found guilty and sentenced to six years in prison.

Sadly, Brody, Ollie and Imran weren’t Buster’s only victims. At the end of each episode this week, a different man was shown making a statement with the police, and these four men were later seen in court as the verdict was read out. At the end of the week, they appeared at The Dog, thanking Brody for being brave enough to speak out.

Elsewhere this week, Sienna was left feeling uncomfortable after a run in with Laurie at work and also found herself blackmailed when Juliet discovered she’d allowed Imran to have extra time in his mock exam. There was delight all round when Maxine finally woke up whilst Mercedes was left devastated when she discovered that Max had inherited Russ’ entire estate, leaving nothing to her. 

5 Things We Learned This Week:

1. Mother’s aren’t important, really. Given that Scarlett more or less single handedly brought Ollie up, you’d think she’d be more than a little concerned to learn that her son had been sexually abused. However, she’s nowhere to be found! I understand that the actress is pregnant, which may explain her absence from a behind the scenes perspective, but for her to not even be mentioned is odd. Even a line saying she’d visited off screen would have sufficed! 

2. Liberty has become the latest casualty of Hollyoaks habit of changing characters to suit the plot. Now, I love Liberty and she’s been one of my favourite new additions for a long time, but I was annoyed this week to see her more of less instantly question things when Sienna confided that Laurie’s behaviour towards her at school had left her feeling uncomfortable. Liberty, the woman who’s always going on about ‘the sisterhood’ and just a few weeks ago took part in a play about women’s rights is now siding with Laurie. In some ways, you could argue it makes sense. After all, her Brother, Dodger, was falsely accused of rape by Holly, but Sienna’s her sister and she doesn’t know Laurie. It’s clear they’re doing it so Sienna feels isolated when Laurie eventually steps things up a gear but why throw Liberty under a bus in the process?

3.  Myra wants to set up a charity for ‘puppies with alopecia’. Well, it’s certainly a subject that Hollyoaks haven’t tackled yet! What about Breda’s dog, Bronzer?! It’s got ‘Best Storyline’ written all over it! 

4. Hollyoaks still know how to pull it out of the bag! Hollyoaks for me if often a show of two halves. Some stories, like Buster’s abuse of Ollie and the Maalik’s domestic abuse, are done fantastically, whilst others, such as gangster Glenn, have me reaching for the remote. However, the football abuse story demonstrates that when Hollyoaks put their minds to it, they can compete with the bigger shows. Hopefully this one is recognised at the British Soap Awards later this year! 

5. All the awards for Aedan Duckworth please! I’ve been impressed by Aedan’s performances as Ollie right from the start but this week he cemented himself in the Hollyoaks hall of fame. People often look down their noses at Hollyoaks actors and it’s such a shame when you see performances like Aedan’s this week. For one so young, he’s phenomenal! 

Characters Featured:

Buster, Brody, Brooke, Cleo, Damon, Darren, Imran, Juliet, Laurie, Liberty, Luke, Mandy, Marnie, Maxine, Mercedes, Minnie, Misbah, Myra, Oliver, Sami and Scott. 

Past Characters Mentioned:

Mark Gibbs, Maggie Kinsella, Russ Owen, Dennis Richardson, Dirk Savage,

[booksandtea]

Fireside Favourites | Best Reads of 2018 For my second day hosting Bookending Winter I’ve given the prompt for us to list our favourite reads of the year to pick up and pass the time whilst snuggled in with a hot coco next to the fire.

If you’ve written your own post for this prompt please feel free to leave a link in the comments so myself and others can see your Fireside Favourites! Alternatively you can tag me on twitter.

Also wow, can you believe I’ve had this post ready since 2nd September! I’ve added and altered as needed too.

H O R R O R

It was very difficult figuring out which books to feature as my favourite reads of the year so I decided to split it up into categories.

I’m starting off with horror as its easily one of my favourite genres that I don’t read enough of and in here includes the book I have recommended the most since finishing due to its amazing representation and three strong female main characters – Sawkill Girls.

We Sold Our Souls left me speechless. I could definitely see this being translated well on screen. I love the lead character in this, she kicks ass and fights for everyones safety without ever being asked.

Whilst Silver & Bone isn’t strictly horror, its a very good Vampire story and possibly my favourite I’ve read in a while! Lots of murder and things to solve here.

Alice and The Red Queen are possibly the best retellings of Alice in Wonderland ever. I devoured this and enjoyed them so much that I am absolutely clueless in how to approach reviewing them. Alice and Hatter are an amazing pair and this has such a gangster feel to it with lots of magical horror too.

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand | We Sold Our Souls by Grady Hendrix | Silver & Bone by Claudia Cain | Alice and The Red Queen by Christina Henry

 A U T H O R S  O F  C O L O U R

When I was organising my 5 star reads into for this post I didn’t originally have this category/these books seperated but I realised it would be worthwhile as I know there is a huge push to read more authors of colour and I just happened to have read a great handful!

The best of these to check out would be A Thousand Beginnings and Endings as its an anthology of East and South Asian mythologies so its awesome to be introduced to a lot of authors at once!

Forest of a Thousand Lanterns is an amazing villain creation story; a retelling of The Evil Queen from Snow White from her point of view. I loved this so much as we see there are so many elements of her story that lead her down this path and it kind of seems like just a few small steps to power.

I will also recommend Girls of Paper and Fire to anyone willing to listen and everyone I’ve spoken too who has read this has also loved it! Seriously this is the queer fantasy story you’re all in need of.

If you’re a fan of Graphic Novels then the Monstress series is a must read. It follows Maika Halfwolf as she battles with an evil that leaves beneath her skin, is on a mission to find out the secrets of her family, and is hunted by more than  few parties.

Lastly but definitely not least we have The Heart Forger and The Shadow Glass (this one is out next March but like how could I not mention it?)

A Thousand Beginnings and Ending by Ellen Oh and Elsie Chapman | Forest of a Thousand Lanterns by Julie C. Dao | Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan | Monstress, Vol 2: The Blood by Marjorie M. Liu | The Heart Forger and The Shadow Glass by Rin Chupeco

F A N T A S Y

Maybe you’re in the mood for some good old fantasy books though? Good! ’cause I definitely have a few of those I can recommend too.

At the start of the year I devoured Uprooted; I was thorougly invested in the magic system in this story and how frustrated the Dragon was and the story behind the woods was great too. My only complaint was it should’ve been gay.

To Kill A Kingdom is another retelling and whilst I’ve now met Allie Christo 3 times I’ve not written a review for this book. Ooops. However, I loved the whole concept; forbidden love, murderous mermaids, and so much sass.

For me The Cruel Prince was a book slump saving book. I had only been reading average or bad books so I was very thankful that I picked this up, it was super refreshing. I physically did not want to put this down. I loved getting to see a fae world from a different perspective and all the plotting that had to happen for survival.

This year is the year I finally read some Schwab books! The first was This Savage Song for a read-along with my book club which omg loved it! Its dark and gritty and about a world fighting for survival against monsters; a girl fighting to become a monster; and a monster fighting for survival against his own inner turmoils.

A Darker Shade of Magic was also for a read-along with my book club and also had its darker aspects. I also devoured this and can’t want to continue this series as I have a feelings its only going to get better as we explore these worldd with its different narrators.

Uprooted by Naomi Novik | To Kill A Kingdom by Alexandra Christo | The Cruel Prince by Holly Black | A Darker Shade of Magic and This Savage Song by V.E. Schwab

G R A P H I C  N O V E L S

& lastly we can’t have a Lauren recommends post without talking about graphic novels can we?

Especially when I have so many people always tell me how much they love my reviews for these.

But because I had such a hard time narrowing this down to 5 for this section I’m just going to remind you that you can read my graphic novel reviews here and instead list 3 that I haven’t reviewed!

Locke & Key: Master Edition Vol 1 by Joe Hill and Gabriel Rodriquez is honestly a fascinating story. Its so weird! Sometimes you just find a key that lets you leave your body, or view inside your own head and take something out! No biggies. Its just every day here.

Saga Vol 7 and 8 were the latest I read in this series this year and I still love it, one of these volumes absolutely tore me apart and I was so sad! I love where this story is going and can’t wait to be able to afford to read more.

This is part of the Bookending Winter Events – the full schedule can be seen here – and updates are also released on their twitter account.

I can’t wait to see everyones posts for this event! Are you taking part?

Also if you want to join the New Bloggers discord group feel free to message me for an invite.

Don’t forget to share your Warming the Winter posts with me!

If you enjoyed this post consider supporting Northern Plunder Ko-fi | Twitter | Book Club | RedBubble

Warming Your Winter | Fireside Favourites #BooksandTeaBC #BkendingWin Fireside Favourites | Best Reads of 2018 For my second day hosting Bookending Winter I've given the prompt for us to list our favourite reads of the year to pick up and pass the time whilst snuggled in with a hot coco next to the fire.

[deannareadsandsleeps]

Deanna Reads: Book of Night

“Charlie Hall: at her best when doing her worst.”

~

Charlie Hall, resident disaster and con-artist/thief extraordinaire(sort of), is in a bit of a pickle.

Her past has come back to haunt her in the worst way imaginable, you see. Normally, this would already be an issue, but people like her know that there is no true rock bottom where she resides. This is a world where shadows are more than the interruption of light. They are a reflection of the self, able to be fed, altered, controlled, and…….more. But like anything, power like that can be hoarded. Dark magic brews in the savage underbelly of their town, mystery and murder and worse. Charlie is in over her head and she knows it, but if nothing else, she’s a survivor. If anyone can climb their way out of an unclimbable pit, well…we’ll see.

~

Now, friends, I have a lot of feelings, and unfortunately many of them aren’t favorable, but I’ll use this space to focus on the positives. The concept was stellar, and the world had much to offer if you’re once again looking for magic of the darker kind! Here, we see limitless potential, but never quite used in the ways we expect. Holly Black doesn’t shy away from the darker exploration of magic and I know that’s something a lot of people love to see. It can’t always be sunshine and rainbows. So while this one ended up falling a bit flat to me, I definitely appreciated many of the ways this crueler magic was brought forth. .

I go a little bit further into how I felt in my Goodreads review, along with the many CW to look out for. Seriously, look up those warnings, please! And while I’m a bit bummed that this one wasn’t for me, I still wish many genuine congratulations to Holly Black for what’s sure to be another major, successful release! 🖤✨

[lilnasxvevo]

I wrote an essay once when it was really late and I was really frustrated

I am not going to send it to my literary journal and I did not even hand it in for the class I wrote it for (the next essay I wrote was passable enough to submit) but I think it is kind of funny so I am going to share it with you

Zoom Zoom

           Draft number four of this FUCKING essay because I can’t FUCKING write. I just through out the last three because they sucked and excuse my language but I’m so frustrated at myself and I typed the wrong homophone in the last sentence and I went back and changed it but then I changed it back so you understand where I’m at right now because I NEVER!! MAKE!! SPELLING MISTAKES!! I was on the editorial staff of my high school newspaper for two years and that shit was flawless! I was editor in chief and that shit was free of god damn error! I do not make! Spelling mistakes!

           I’m so frustrated because part of me just wants to write about a motherfucking TV show and the rest of me is like, “No, Thomas, that’s so fucking stupid, write about something that’s serious, something people can take seriously, something people can respect, but NOT something boring” and I’m like OK!! WELL!! THAT’S A TALL ORDER YOU’VE GIVEN YOURSELF TOMMY BOY!!

           I’ve been trying to copy the style of the essays we’ve been reading in the last three drafts I just started and abandoned. I wrote…lets see…(I will be keeping all future grammar and spelling errors that I make) over 1300 words that way so far today. Fuck it!! I am going to be writing like ME and what I write like is a protagonist from a really sub-par young adult novel. I read a lot of those! But I was already like that before I read all those books. Actually most of the ones I read are pretty great. Holly Black, David Levithan, uh those Girl, 15, Charming but Insane books I forget who writes them but if I look it up I have to stop my timer and that is just not happening—check em out, they’re great. Oh, Eoin Colfer, too. I have his autograph! I actually also have David’s.

           I made a list of all the things I could write this essay about. I didn’t want to write about being queer again because I don’t want you people to pigeonhole me. There’s like 50 items on that list. I’ll spare you. The list sucks. I texted my best friend “What should I write this essay about” and she said “Roman Catholicism” and I was like “Maybe” and she was like “Vampires” and I was like “LMFAO you will never believe what I wrote last time spoiler it was vampires.”

           I have ADHD. Sometimes this surprises people! Sometimes it does not! Usually it doesn’t surprise other people who have ADHD because we go based on our lived experiences instead of stereotypes unlike SOME people. I was diagnosed when I was 17 which is super super late but they literally, and you can look this up, base most criteria off of the symptoms of little white cisgender boys, who are usually hyperactive, and I was inattentive type. My third grade teacher used to slap my desk with a ruler when I spaced out. She never brought up my attention issues to anyone else. I hated her. I still hate her. Curse you, Cathy Sellers!!

           I have chilled out on the caps lock because maybe that was kind of a gimmick. Ok. Well. The ADHD. I actually don’t remember why I brought up ADHD, which is classic ADHD. Oh. I think it was to say that maybe you will be surprised that the inside of my head is this giant mess. Not to be all “welcome to my twisted mind” or that edgy shit. Maybe I’m trying to make an embarrassing essay on purpose. The point is some people think I’m very composed and stuff and the inside of my head has never once been composed. Well, maybe a few times. I miss standardized testing because they don’t really matter and they were fun to focus on and it was fun to fill the bubbles in and they made me feel smart. I am smart. I promise I’m smart. Sometimes people think I’m dumb because I’m a trans man which I don’t understand but I promise I’m smart.

           I just slapped my face to try to get myself to wake up a little bit. I am wiped. That cold that’s been going around is kicking my ass, though not as bad as it’s kicking the ass of other students in this class who I have maybe potentially had to drive to the pharmacy this week.

           I am so obsessed with this show on BBC America right now called Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency. In ADHD circles this is sometimes called a hyperfixation—it’s kind of like the special interests autistic people have, surprise surprise ADHD and autism are both developmental disorders and they have a lot in common. Dirk Gently is all I can think about. It’s a really great show and I loved it last season because it has the actor Samuel Barnett as the lead actor and I swore my fealty to him in like 2014 and then he got a lead on a TV show which is crazy because he never gets big roles like that so I was like NICE!!! Yeah, so last season was sci-fi, and the show is really great and it has this big diverse cast and all the characters are really interesting and the show never leans on stereotype instead of fleshing out a character as a unique person and there were electric crossbows last season that were designed by that Adam Savage dude from Mythbusters. So but this season, THIS SEASON, is SO good because apparently the show is planning on “switching genres” every season but with the same main cast so now they’ve been running around trying to find each other after everyone got separated at the end of last season (spoiler) and now they’re all in Montana and instead of sci-fi it’s FANTASY which is my FAVORITE. There’s another dimension that’s this great high-fantasy nation called Wendimoor and there’s a door between the valley of Inglenook and this one town in Montana for reasons that I refuse to explain, just watch the show. Ok and in Inglenook, there’s—it’s kind of sketchy how it works but there’s this guy named Panto Trost who has pink hair (his whole family has pink hair and it’s unclear if it’s genetic or if they dye it as a tribal marker or something, and when I first saw it I was like, HOLY SHIT, WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT), and he’s the prince of Inglenook, and there’s this guy named Silas Dengdamor, who’s some kind of minor prince in Inglenook somehow, and THEY. ARE. A GAY INTERRACIAL HIGH FANTASY COUPLE. THEY ARE IN LOVE.

           And the guy who plays Silas, Lee Majdoub, he’s really active on Twitter and Tumblr, which is crazy because almost no one is active on Tumblr under their real name and it’s mostly just depressed young adults like me, but Lee fields questions about the show all the time and talks about how it was an honor to play a gay prince and he has so much love for Silas and he put so much work into this character which you can tell because he has an answer ready for everything. Has he ridden that train we saw? Is he gay or bi or what? What are his hobbies? If he lived in our world what would his favorite movie be? His five favorite songs? Does he agree with his family’s stance on the feud? (Oh my god I forgot to MENTION that the Trosts and the Dengdamors are TWO FAMILIES AT WAR, which makes Silas and Panto basically gay Romeo and Juliet, but hopefully they won’t die but Dirk Gently is a “don’t get attached” kind of show.)

           And did I mention he’s respectful??? My favorite answer he’s ever given is when someone asked him what it was like to kiss Chris Russell (the other actor), which is a question every fucking presumed-straight actor gets when they play a gay role, and since there is a 4 inch height difference between them, Lee answered something like, “It was a little weird because Chris is very tall, so I felt a little like Natalie Portman in Thor. Natalie Portman and I both have dark hair so we’re practically twins.” Also he is very handsome. It is important that Lee Majdoub is very handsome. Okay, it’s important to me.

           Wow, glad I got that off my chest. It’s kind of all I ever want to talk about. Two weeks ago, before I could do my actual writing assignment for the day, I had to freewrite about Kevin Spacey for like AN HOUR. What I wrote ended up being kind of unusable for this class thus far, I just haven’t been pleased enough with the way it handled a very sensitive topic to hand it in, but it was about Kevin Spacey and Jeffrey Dahmer and OUT magazine and news media and Anthony Rapp and me.

           I wanted to write about a historical figure for this paper but all the ones I could think of that I have a strong connection to were gay. While I was typing that sentence, I thought of Dorothy Parker. Well, shit. Another day, then.

           This paper is what we call a RISK!!! pleasedontfailme

           Here are some excerpts from the other three papers I tried to write today:

·         Sometimes I sing and dance in front of them. Sometimes I scream. One time, I stood on a desk.

·         The last time I told her I was proud of her I could only do it because she had consumed an obscene amount of wine and called me to talk about one of Shakespeare’s history plays

·         I am afraid that I am a husk a husk a HUSK a husK a husk a husk a husk of Corn-ell because

I promise these essays were not good. These were the only good parts. I wanted to include them because I wanted you to understand that I covered a lot of fucking ground before settling on whatever the fuck this is. I am sorry if you feel you would rather be reading one of those other essays, but I did not want to write them.

           I just scrolled back up to the top because I remembered abruptly that this essay doesn’t have a name. It’s called Zoom Zoom now. When my sister is bored while she drives, she says, “Zoom zoom! We’re zooming!” She is 24 and has a master’s degree. This particular catchphrase of hers always comes to mind when I try to describe how my brain works—childish, too fast, bored. Her boyfriend says “Brroom brroom” when he drives. I think he picked it up from her. He calls me Thomathy. Because Thomas can be Tom for short and Tom is like Tim and Tim is short for Timothy. Get it? He says “Thomathy” sounds like a disease. I think he likes me anyway. Even though one time during a heated game of Monopoly I told him I would eat chips at his funeral.

           I have three cats. One is ten years old, the other two are one. I have a rabbit. He’s a jerk. That’s all you need to know about me. Oh, I’m from Wisconsin. My favorite color is orange.

           Yeah so thanks for coming to my TED talk. Please buy a t-shirt on my way out, they’re $20. I know TED talks don’t usually have t-shirts but I want your money. Yes. Now scram.

  Are they gone?

Jesus, I’m so fucking tired.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 05/12/2020

Earlier this week, I finished and released by end-of-year list of the Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2020, which, for once, was on time, being released on the 1st – or 2nd – of December, depending on your time zone. That means I’ve already spent hours discussing music, and to be honest, I have a pretty bad headache in addition to this, so you know, I’m not really in that chart-reviewing spirit. Thankfully, we have very few songs to review here, and a lot of it should be pretty inoffensive. Now, before that, let’s talk about the actual state of the charts because it is looking ridiculous. Ariana Grande’s “positions” spend its sixth week at #1, and welcome to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Much like last week, it was an absolute bloodbath for any non-Christmas song this week, and this especially affects the hip hop and R&B on the chart. In the UK Top 75, which I cover every week, there’s a drastic difference to the US Billboard Hot 100, and that is the lack of radio. Radio impressions or plays have never been counted on the UK Singles Chart, and whilst in the States, I understand that a lot of Christmas songs rely on the radio, this is not true at all across the pond, because, for whatever reason, Christmas songs are streamed and bought a lot here even 60 years after the song’s original release. This is likely due to a smaller, arguably less diverse population and the immense amount of streaming service-curated playlists, which serve the same purpose as radio and often have the exact same label gimmickry and payola. Regardless, there is a stupid amount of drop-outs and fallers this week, for pretty big tracks as well. Now as I said I only cover the top 75 of the UK Singles Chart because it’s just easier and really, who cares about those last 25 songs? On the UK Singles Chart proper, Lewis Capaldi’s “Someone You Loved”, one of the biggest hits of 2019 and 2020, just spent its 100th week on the chart, which is insane, especially for a modern song. I think the song is dreadful but it is one of the biggest songs of all time here on the Isles, and since we’re going by my measures, it just dropped out (after spending seven weeks at #1, mind you). Of course, that’s not the only notable drop-out – and to be notable, you have to have spent five weeks on the chart or peaked in the top 40 – this week. Let’s list them, shall we? We have “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles, which spent 40 weeks on the chart, as well as #1 hit “Savage Love (Laxed – Siren Beat)” by Jawsh 685 and Jason Derulo, “Giants” by Dermot Kennedy, “Mood Swings” by the late Pop Smoke featuring Lil Tjay, “Lighter” by Nathan Dawe and KSI, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo, “Holiday” by Little Mix, “Tick Tock” by Clean Bandit featuring Mabel and 24kGoldn, “Come Over” by Rudimental featuring Anne-Marie and Tion Wayne, “Lasting Lover” by Sigala and James Arthur, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper, “One Too Many” by Keith Urban and P!nk, “Papi Chulo” by Octavian and Skepta, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals, “Deluded” by Tion Wayne and MIST, “Confetti” by Little Mix, “pov” by Ariana Grande (to make way for another one of her songs we’ll get to – also probably the only actually good song that dropped out this week) and finally, “Life Goes On” by BTS off of the debut at #10. On the chart proper, this is one of the biggest free-fall drops of all time, and honestly, who wasn’t expecting this? Speaking of falls, we have a lot of those too. Whilst these are fallers, you should consider how impressive they are for even trying to survive the holiday season, which just can’t be done for a lot of these songs, even the biggest hits of the year, some of which we just mentioned. One of the funniest parts of this to me is that KSI of all people survived the overload of Christmas songs through his Craig David chorus on “Really Love” with Digital Farm Animals down to #17. For a former YouTuber, he has an immense amount of star-power and it’s kind of worrying. Otherwise, our notable fallers include “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy at #24, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur at #25 (not a good week for either of these guys – or anyone), “Monster” by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber at #26 off of the top 10 debut, “Mood” by 24kGoldn featuring iann dior at #27, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #29, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd stripped of all of its gains at #31 (seriously, whilst most of these songs were fading naturally prior, this is worrying), “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring NAV and Don Toliver at #34, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco at #42 (giving him four songs as a lead artist on the chart – OCC, that’s not how your dumb rules work; be consistent), “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio really having the most intense combination of streaming cuts and Christmas music at #44, “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes flailing at #45 (it will probably rebound next week), “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #46 (same here), “Golden” by Harry Styles at #47, “Loading” by Central Cee at #48, “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #49, “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra at #50, “Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)” by Post Malone and Swae Lee at #52, “UFO” by D-Block Europe and Aitch at #55, “Plugged in Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer at #56, “Princess Cuts” by Headie One featuring Young T & Bugsey at #60 (which happened to play as I was writing this), “Looking for Me” by Paul Woodford, Diplo and Kareen Lomax at #61, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #62, “Diamonds” by Sam Smith having the biggest fall to #63, “Ain’t it Different” by Headie One featuring AJ Tracey and Stormzy at #65, “Chingy (It’s Whatever)” by Digga D at #69, “Come Over” by Jorja Smith and Popcaan at #70, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI at #71 and finally, “Flavour” by Loski and Stormzy at #74. A YouTube comment on the video version of this chart read, “RIP to hip hop and R&B in the UK, 2020-2020”, and, I mean, it’s a fair assessment. That’s not all though, folks, as we have the returning entries, most of which are very explicitly Christmas songs. Let’s start with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith at #75, and continue up the chart with “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #73, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay at #72 (always the best song on the entire chart whenever it returns), “A Little Love” by Celeste from the John Lewis advert at #64, “Feliz Navidad” by José Feliciano at #54, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #57, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by the late Dean Martin at #54, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #52, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #43, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by the late John Lennon, Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir at #40 (always the worst song on the chart whenever it returns), “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #39 (this is an accurate ranking of the Beatles), “Jingle Bell Rock” by the late Bobby Helms at #38, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #37 and “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by the late Andy Williams at #36. Yes, that’s five consecutive Christmas songs returning to the top 40, made all the more ridiculous when you realise it’s topped off by “HOLIDAY” by Lil Nas X... at #41 – and it actually gained this week! Oh, and we don’t stop there either as not only do we have “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande returning to #16 as well, but we also have all of the gains this week. All of our notable gains are in the top 40 and all but one are Christmas songs, so let’s start with “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis up to #33 (our greatest gain this week) and continue up the chart with “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #32, “This Christmas” by Jess Glynne at #28, “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by Wizzard at #23, “Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea at #22, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Justin Bieber and Brenda Lee at #21 and #19 respectively, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #20, “Step into Christmas” by Elton John at #18, “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” by Band Aid at #15 (looking at this chart, I think we ALL know exactly what time it is), “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens at #14, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #13, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring the late Kirsty MacColl at #9, “Last Christmas” by Wham! at #3, and finally, “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey at #2. I don’t know if I’ll be happier if a 1994 classic hits #1 for the first time this Christmas, or an Ariana Grande song about sex positions takes the Christmas #1, given, of course, that LadBaby doesn’t pull something out of his ass last minute. Christmas also actually lands on a Friday this week, so there’s potentially two Christmas #1s: the #1 on Christmas Day and the #1 that includes Christmas Day. I mean, there’s this issue every year but since the chart week literally starts and ends on the day this year, I guess we’ll just have to see what the Official Charts Company decides. For now, after not-so-swiftly covering all of that garbage – and there’s three weeks more of it to come, folks – let’s discuss some of our new arrivals, none of which I imagine will be all that interesting but, hey, at least they’re not Christmas songs. In fact...

NEW ARRIVALS

#68 – “Body” – Megan Thee Stallion

Produced by LilJuMadeThatBeat

...It’s the antithesis of what it means to be wholesome, commercial and festive. You all know and love Megan Thee Stallion by now, and whilst I didn’t listen to that debut record yet – it is 17 songs after all – I have heard pretty positive reception so I will check out Good News at some point. Rico Nasty did release a record that’s only one less track and 13 full minutes shorter, so to be honest, I’m a lot more excited to check out that album, even if it won’t have any impact here. I did laugh at the track list when I saw “Intercourse (feat. Popcaan & Mustard)” though, which is one of the few times I have genuinely laughed at just a track list. “Shots Fired” is a pretty great Tory Lanez diss track though, so I’ll say that. “Body” is relatively deep into the track listing, yet seems to be the biggest hit, mostly because of that polarising earworm hook and the music video. Oh, yeah, and it straight-up samples a woman having an orgasm, so don’t expect this to stick around. In fact, that’s the only melody behind this dirty South bounce-adjacent track, and even with that, it only comes in on that chorus, which is less annoying to me as it is just catchy. It’s not like men haven’t done the same thing, though, I mean, Dr. Dre famously – or infamously – “paused 4 porno” on his album 2001, and just in 2018, Kanye released “XTCY”, a song that is hilariously lacking in any kind of moral compass, let alone born-again Christianity. It did the same thing that “Body” does with the moaning yet it also covers it in this really eerie sample, as well as spare 808s and a drum beat that doesn’t feel like it gets in the way of whatever the hell Kanye’s doing on this track. It also helps that the moaning doesn’t just come in on the chorus, instead we have a string swell to distinguish it, and that Kanye has more of a comical lyrical nature on “XTCY”. This comparison is only fair when looking at the production, though, as whilst Kanye has “sick thoughts”, Megan is just bragging about her own body-ody-ody-ody-ody, etc. over a pretty mainstream, accessible beat, even if it has really ugly, loud 808s that kind of do get in the way of the rapping here. Thankfully, Megan rides this beat forcefully – no pun intended – and with some really great wordplay, even if there are a few immediately dated references here and there. That third verse is also pretty funny, and whilst I don’t want to focus too much on this song – it’s a family show after all – this is pretty lively and whilst I’m not a fan of this beat, Megan makes it worth sitting through and honestly, the song sounds a lot shorter than it is. Check it out.

#67 – “Love is a Compass” – Griff

Produced by PARKWILD

I didn’t say the word “compass” on purpose knowing this song would be next, although perhaps I subconsciously snuck the word in. Maybe I should have made it seem like I foreshadowed this song, but honestly what about this warrants foreshadowing? I don’t mind Disney music at all. In fact, a lot of the films are full of really classic compositions that have aged incredibly, including the Renaissance era of their films, especially. In fact, “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan – the original – is one of the few soundtrack songs that is directly related to and featured in the film yet I can still listen to outside of that context. I’ve not even watched either Mulan – or have Disney+ - so it’s not like I’m a big fan, but I can appreciate the music when I find it, even if I mostly despise everything Disney stands for as a company. The issue with this is that it cannot apply to “Love is a Compass”. I’m sure Griff and her producer PARKWILD are talented musicians, but this is purely a product. This wasn’t even made for an original animated feature, or a painfully weak adaptation of one of their original animated features starring Will Smith as the Genie. This is a generic piano ballad made for an advert, because just like literal shops and manufacturing companies like John Lewis, Disney has a Christmas advert. There’s nothing artistic about this. This “emotional” piano ballad is layered in reverb and egregious Auto-Tune that drains Griff of whatever emotion her delivery could have had. It doesn’t sound good in this context at all and it is so obvious, which is unfortunate because her voice, Auto-Tuned in a similar way, could easily work over more lo-fi and interesting production. As it is, this is repulsive, sonically and on every other level beyond that.

#66 – “Angels Like You” – Miley Cyrus

Produced by Louis Bell and watt

So, Miley Cyrus dropped her album, Plastic Hearts, last week and I expected more impact on the chart but the two singles are really THAT big that not any of the album cuts had much of a chance, even if “Prisoner” dropped a few spaces. Other than that, “Midnight Sky” is still in the top five and near the end of the chart, we have a debut: “Angels Like You”. It’s clear why this charted because this isn’t just a highlight from the album or a personal favourite of mine, but it’s a fan favourite honestly, a career highlight – which may not be hard to make, I mean, it’s Miley Cyrus we’re talking about – but it still impresses me with how much I really love this song. This is more of a mellow ballad than many of the tracks surrounding it on the record, with Cyrus’ raspy country twang finally met with a fitting blend of acoustic guitars and a genuine orchestral swell in the chorus, even if at times it decides to start clipping. The shift in guitar tone to a dirtier, aggressive one after the first chorus is a genius touch, and even the pretty stiff drum machine here feels like it adds a lot to the power of this song, especially when it starts kicking behind the screeching guitar solo, leading into an admittedly anti-climactic final chorus... that might even be fitting for the content, which is a break-up song but not one that decides to deflect blame or even focus entirely on the break-up, rather being an acknowledgement of what both parties here did wrong, and why they ended up in the relationship to begin with. Both Cyrus and her ex-girlfriend Kaitlynn Carter were in rough spots coming off of previous relationships in late 2019 and those dark spots are what Cyrus understands lead to the collapse of this relationship. She discusses the lack of connection between the two in the first verse, leading to a literally nameless relationship where it was full of romantic gestures but not any depth. The chorus is a complex look at how Cyrus knew she would look back on the relationship as little more than a fling, but how she regrets that this is her only view of the relationship. She didn’t want anything more and split after things started getting too serious, and feels genuine guilt for using Carter to heal her own depression, because “misery needs company”. She uses the biblical metaphor to demonstrate how she feels she tugged down her girlfriend, described here as an “angel”, to the hell Cyrus thinks she resides in, which may be melodramatic, sure, but I’d be lying if I said Cyrus doesn’t completely sell it here, with some of her best vocals to date, backed up by gorgeous production and really well-written lyrics. This is a genuinely brilliant ballad, give it a listen.

#58 – “Naughty List” – Liam Payne and Dixie D’Amelio

Produced by TMS

I’ve been writing these producers as “TM5” for so long without realising it’s an abbreviation for “The Music Shed”. Anyway, I hope we can all agree that Liam Payne is probably the worst off when comparing the One Direction boys and their solo careers so far. Harry Styles is one of the biggest stars in the world, making a twist on 70s classic rock that I don’t like at all but he IS making headlines and having massive chart success. Niall Horan is having mild success making rock and folk albums that are honestly alright, ZAYN has two albums under his belt that may not be listenable but at least the first one was a success and he did go into a more mature R&B direction, and Louis Tomlinson might not have been met with any success from his album earlier this year but at least there’s some quality there. Liam Payne, however, has been releasing straight garbage to no fanfare for the past three years, dating back to “Strip that Down” with Quavo, and continuing down the path of feigning maturity and development with music clearly not backing it up, demonstrated by the bisexual fetishism on his delayed debut album and how his collaborations went from relying on Zedd to relying on J Balvin to relying on TikTok stars on a sexually-charged Christmas single that couldn’t even crack the top 50. I have no idea who Dixie D’Amelio is other than seeing her sister’s controversies on Twitter in passing, but it is depressing that a major-label pop star needs D’Amelio to chart this high – and no, given his most recent singles with bigger features like A Boogie wit da Hoodie and Cheat Codes, as well as the shoddy performance of his last Christmas song, I’m not even considering that it’s the other way around. This immediately, in its first 15 seconds, makes sure you know this will be awful, with its tedious acoustic guitar strumming fused with cheap sounding sleigh bells and dated trap percussion, even with little “hey!” gang vocals straight out of 2014 that make this sound a lot less new and fresh than I think Payne thought it did. Also, something about these lyrics sounds really odd when you consider the age gap between the two vocalists. I mean, D’Amelio’s 19 years old, so it’s not like this is illegal in any way (and they didn’t have any chemistry to begin with), but the childlike imagery in the chorus just makes this gross. “Santa saw the things we did and put us on the naughty list”? This has less subtlety than 3OH!3’s Christmas song they released this year. Yes, that happened, and somehow the two washed-up early 2010s pop stars made a “dirty” Christmas song that is miles better than Liam Payne’s, probably because of the more interesting lyrical detail, and that, you know, it isn’t a duet. Check out “KISSELTOE” if you’re interested, it’s really good. I liked their comeback single with 100 gecs too so I’m pretty excited for whatever comes out of 3OH!3’s recent productivity. This song, on the other hand, as well as the upcoming joke, is just Payne-full.

#53 – “No Time for Tears” – Nathan Dawe and Little Mix

Produced by Tré Jean-Marie and Nathan Dawe

Okay, so, I understand the marketing of releasing a single after a long time of not releasing a single and after your singles have all dropped out of the chart, but Little Mix are just being managed horribly here. Why would you release a single in the Christmas season that you want to be big? This isn’t a holiday song in any way and doesn’t even sound like one, so releasing it this early into the Christmas season is just begging for it to be forgotten and eventually flop. Nathan Dawe is an EDM DJ so he doesn’t need this type of promotion as long as he can tour next year and he’s got big features, and Little Mix don’t need any extra singles because they’re still in the top 10 and they’ve branched out to reality television. Just let the girls breathe for a second and enjoy their success. Oh, and this song isn’t just logistically unnecessary, it’s sonically unnecessary, acting as a house-pop club banger with that standard piano sound reminiscent of 90s house that has been adopted recently by DJs, with any of the infectious melodies and genuine drive sucked out of it, especially if Dawe is going to add a Goddamn trap breakdown in the second verse with the most pathetic set of percussion I’ve heard in years on a house track. It’s not like Little Mix are saving this either because the lyrical content is re-tread and their performances are largely unrecognisable from each other and songs they’ve made before. Yeah, this isn’t offensive, but it isn’t interesting, outside of that bridge, but even then it builds up perfectly to a chorus that’s interrupted by a pointless, repetitious interlude. This song isn’t just uninteresting, it’s inherently unnecessary on all fronts, which if anything, is just kind of sad.

#35 – “All You’re Dreaming Of” – Liam Gallagher

Produced by Simon Aldred and Andrew Wyatt

Surely out of all of these songs, I’d have the most to say about our top 40 debut, with Liam Gallagher, former frontman of legendary rock band Oasis,  and his new lead single, right? Well, no, because here are some unfortunate truths: Oasis made two good albums, and they’re not as good as you remember. Liam Gallagher is an awful person who continued to rip off his own band with his new one, without the songwriting ability his brother Noel had. Liam continues to be persistent in his making of enemies for no other reason than publicity. Noel’s reaching out to Liam for the sake of at least reconciliation goes completely unnoticed, ignored or criticised by Liam for no discernable reason other than an on-and-off again facade that’s been going on for more than a decade. Noel wasn’t even that great of a songwriter, relying mostly on musicianship and other people’s melodies he liked to co-opt for his own tracks. None of their solo work has been listenable yet still gathers attention that I imagine is to the dismay of those other band members in Oasis who, ultimately, made those classic albums as much as the Gallaghers. Where’s the praise for Bonehead, Guigsy or even Gem Archer, who stuck it out despite decreasing popularity, utter lack of musical quality and increasing tensions between the people who kept the band afloat until they decided to break up? Both Noel and Liam look at Oasis with regret or admiration depending on how they feel that day but when you look at who REALLY won that Britpop battle tabloids liked to hype up in the 1990s, you realise how far away Oasis was from Blur or even Pulp in terms of not only their songs but having their stuff together. This new song is complete garbage as well, with a pretty awful mixing job, Liam being as distinctively nasal and infuriating as he is with any of his songs let alone his uninteresting ballads, and the COVID-19 charity pandering that comes off as really false, especially since even after Noel released an Oasis track this year as a result of the lockdown – and Liam whining about how he wants to bring the band together to help the NHS – he criticised the honest release of the demo, which Noel wrote and sang himself. It’s also especially telling how the proceeds are only going to benefit charity for its first month of release. Afterwards, Liam and the label can scrape up whatever leftover streams they get from diehard fans. I don’t like Band Aid at all, in fact the song is pretty damn rancid, but at least they keep on recording updated versions to give to modern charities. Liam, you’ve got a bank account the average Manchurian would dream of. This charity single is a fraud, and a pretty hypocritical, immoral one at that.

Conclusion

I think on principle on how fake it is and how awful the song is, I have to give Worst of the Week to Gallagher... but I have a rule against crowning any kind of charity single with that title. At the end of the day, at least something at some point is going to the people who need it. Worst of the Week in that case goes to “Naughty List” by Liam Payne and Dixie D’Amelio, with a Dishonourable Mention to the product that is Griff’s “Love is a Compass”. Best of the Week should be obvious as it’s going to Miley Cyrus for “Angels Like You”, with an Honourable Mention to Megan Thee Stallion’s “Body”. Here’s this week’s top 10:

May I remind you this is the first week of December? Anyway, I doubt Shawn Mendes will make anything through the barrage of holiday tracks, but if he does, that’s next week. Thank you for reading and follow me at @cactusinthebank for more ramblings of this sort, I suppose. See you next week!

[they-are-fucking-sirens]

Choice tag! Rules: Answer the questions (if you want to skip one, feel free to do that too of course!). Tag 3 people (or more or less, you choose really). Tag your post with #CHOICE_tag so we can find each others’ posts! Have fun!!

I was tagged by @aceisunderrated ....I would say I wasn't expecting this but that would be a lie :'D I'm Tagging @ace--memes xD

1. Introduce yourself. You choose how much and how little! Here goes nothing I guess - hello everyone I'm Tama, 24 and I live in germany. I'm a japanese and history student, with an unhealthy love for certain Mangas and Books and food.

2. How and when did you become a CHOICE? I've known A.C.E since their debu ( I mean who in kpop didn't ? those HOT PANS) but I didn't really get in to them fully until this february- and yes @aceisunderrated I'm going there :'D Pia and I ended up spening a lot of time together in the beginnning of this year and one one faitfull evening after a conversation with a mutual friend I ended up drowning her in MVs and songs and rediscovered A.C.E again - at that point I had been out of kpop for several years for a multidude of reasons but yeah. A.C.E poped up and did their thing and now here we are.

3. What is your favourite part of being a CHOICE? Honestly? the community. the way choices interact with one another, how much they CARE for both our boys as well as each other... how there is next to no god damn drama for fandom wars... I used to be an army back in 2013 and had to watch in horror as that fandom well. let's call it spiraled. It ended up beeing one of the things that pushed me to the decision to leave kpop behind and I can't tell you all how greatfull I am for Choice to prove me wrong and show me that it can be diffrent.

oh also. MEMES. ALL OF THE MEMES. all im saying is can we have...butter? and CHICKEN IS DESTINY

4. What is your favourite A.C.E song? Do you prefer their title tracks or b-sides more? Uff....that one is hard to answer...I like all of them in their own way..as well as their covers... when we're talking titeltrack i suppose...Savage? I love how grungy it is xD B-sides...holly fuck um...where do I even start...Do it like me? Golden Goose? Slow Dive? Arirang? BLACK AND BLUE?! GAH Covers are definetly Youngblood , drivers licence , stay and someone you loved. (because I'm an ass - someone you loved was the one I got @aceisunderrated with :'D )

5. Who’s your bias? What do you like about them? Director Kang! I mean we all know we kind of all have 5 right? aside from that- It used to be BK because I have a soft spot for Rappers. and then Donghun happen to me. yes. yes the sun siren pictures killed me I'm typing this as a ghost. What I like about Mr. Captain Donghun....The sass? The grumpy Grampaness and parent energy he has around Chan? How much he cares even if he tries to hide it? the vocals? his love for cats because same? oh and of cause him roasting yg. protective bean that he is :'D Also Donghun should be baned from wearing hats. and having long hair. or we will all die. AND SERIOUSLY- SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAMMER INTO HIS HEAD THAT HES NOT A BAD DANCER FOR FUCKS SAKE- oups. MOVING ON

6. What is your favourite thing about A.C.E? I-theres so much? I don't know where to even start??? the love they have for what they do and for choice ? How caring they are towards one another and their company as well as their fans? How CHAOTIC this idiots can be ? The vocals? the out of the box looks and songs and them in general saying fuck you to gender stereotypes? I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff.

7. Which concept has been your favourite? What kind of concept do you want them to try? GOBLIN holly shit GOBLIN YOU GUYS the whole mixing korean traditional with modern- the underlying storyline that HAS BEEN BLOODY UNGOING EVEN IF WE ONLY NOTICED SO RECENTLY AND REALLY GUSY GO WATCH THE GOBLIN DIRECTIORS CUT!! IT IS FULL OF HINTS AND SPOILERS HOW WERE WE SO BLIND

8. Which A.C.E friendship is your favourite? Which one do you want to see more of? all of it. just them. happy. Thats all ill ever ask for honestly

9. If you could tell A.C.E one thing, what would you tell them? We hear you, we see you and youre guys are doing amazing! don't forget to take a break in between , Choice is standing behind you and always will- we love you guys.

10. Which A.C.E member would die first in a horror movie? That...is actually not that easy to answer. The obvious choice would be to pick Jun....but hed run away so fast the second he'd feel creeped out hed probably end up being the last to die...Bk runns marathons for fun.. It really comes down to Sehyoon , Donghun or Chan xD Chan because he would freez or would try to hid how scared he is by doing the stupid thing... sehyoon by bloody accident or because he misread the situation..and Donghun...little shithed that he is would probably do the whole "ill prove you guys it's nothing" and end up gettin himself killed.

11. Leave a small message for your fellow CHOICE! We'll get trough this together! even if we all end up on the other side after this comeback lol on a more serious note...thank you for making me enjoy kpop again. and for all the positivity you guys have brought to my grumpy ass.

Choice tag!

Rules: Answer the questions (if you want to skip one, feel free to do that too of course!). Tag 3 people (or more or less, you choose really). Tag your post with #CHOICE_tag so we can find each others’ posts! Have fun!!

I was tagged by @aceinmyveins thank you 😍💕 I'm tagging @dongkwan @aceisunderrated

1. Introduce yourself. You choose how much and how little!

I'm Vilma, I'm from Finland and 25 years old. I'm studying to be a language teacher and I'm starting at my very first job in August as a Finnish teacher 😱

I have a spanish waterdog named Ramen and he is my whole word. He is my depression medicine, I got him as a depression dog last year. He turns 1 year next Wednesday 😭

2. How and when did you become a CHOICE?

Oooooo this one. Last year, 2020, I was going through Spotify, looking for new music to listen and I spotted a.c.e there. The first song I listened was Savage and as I heard Sehyoon's rap (we all know what I'm talking about) I was SHOOKED. I started to listen Savage on my car, like I seriously had a playlist of Savage 50 times and I listened it in my car and I only waited for Sehyoon's part. I think I listened about a month only Savage and then I thought ok, I'm gonna watch the MV and as I saw that this motherfucker has green hair and he raps like this... Damn. So I started to dig deeper and look at me now.

3. What is your favourite part of being a CHOICE?

Ooooof I love to be a part of smaller fandom to be honest cause there's less drama and less hate and toxic, even tho our boys deserve the world #aceworlddomination. I have felt like I was welcomed in the fandom from the beginning even tho I was a newbie and didn't know everything yet and Choice let me in so kindly 💕

4. What is your favourite A.C.E song? Do you prefer their title tracks or b-sides more?

I have always been a b-side person but I think a.c.e is the only group whose favorite song of mine is their title track. Savage or TMH is got to be the one for me.

5. Who’s your bias? What do you like about them?

My first bias was Junhee and it was mostly because I feel like we are so similar persons. I fell immediately for his smile and his smile is the best thing in this whole universe, don't touch me.

But my ULT bias is Donghun. Oh Dongie I lob you... I can't explain it clearly enough how much he means to me. Whenever I watch videos of him or his vlives or anything really, I feel safe.

6. What is your favourite thing about A.C.E?

Their genuine love for Choice and Choice's genuine love for a.c.e

7. Which concept has been your favourite? What kind of concept do you want them to try?

Not gonna lie I'm so excited about this comeback, like DONGHUN HAS PURPLE BRAIDS. DID YOU HEAR ME?!?

But if I have to choose like concepts that has done before this, I'm so into the water theme that I have to say the underwater photos are my favourites.

8. Which A.C.E friendship is your favourite? Which one do you want to see more of?

Can I answer ot5? I love their interraction together and I think they have one of the best chemistry together in kpop.

9. If you could tell A.C.E one thing, what would you tell them?

Thank you. I believe in you. I will support you. Forever and always.

10. Which A.C.E member would die first in a horror movie?

I'm sorry but Byeongkwan 😂 even tho it would be the most obvious thing to say Junhee but I think the moment he saw something scary he would ran as fast as he could and never turn back while BK just froze to the place and just die.

11. Leave a small message for your fellow CHOICE!

I love you! Thank you for being kind and remember to continue being kind ❤️ I'm so shy with making interraction with new people but I know you all are so amazing and gorgeous persons! You've got this, stay strong, I believe in you. Even tho we have never talked I'm still your friend! ❤️

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Watching SU for the first time: Season 4 ep 11~15 (part 2)

This post reacts to Season 4 episodes 113~15 (Gem Heist/The Zoo/That Will Be All).

I feel like my brain’s got a blue screen of death... jfc

Gem Heist

-*’I have a bad feeling about this’ intensifies*

-THERE’S A FUCKIGN RED EYE

-WTF?? AMETHYSTS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THAT BIG??

-NO WONDER JASPER CALLED AMETHYST A RUNT, BUT SERIOUSL, I LIKE SHORT AMETHYST BETTER, THIS IS SO UNCOMFORTABLE

-How the hell are they not able to see through the window from outside

-WHY DOES THE AMETHYST SOUND LIKE JASPER

-who the fuck is that cat ear haired dudette and why won’t she stop punching people

-This is so uncomfortable

-Sapphires must be pretty high-ranking in Homeworld society

-I never liked the homeworld society and I don’t like it now. Fucking hierarchy and bullshit.

-Are those jail cells

-i still haven’t gotten over that hair

-Please hold it together Ruby

-That does bring up the question, do gems speak English or is there some TARDIS translation circuit shit going on in there, like the CG’s can communicate with humans because they’ve been on Earth and there linguistics immediately adapted to their environment, but the gems in the zoo have never been exposed to Earth surroundings and therefore cannot understand the language of a native?

-I only just realized the zoo ship looks like those diamonds people put on rings.

-Oh and hold it together Amethyst...

-FUCKING RUBY

-HOLD IT TOGETHER RUBY

-Maybe it only opens for diamonds?

-I W A S R E A L L Y E N J O Y I N G T H E T O U R

-The gem at the back of Holly’s head makes her look like she has a permanent drop of cartoon sweat

-”NO RUNNING IN MY LOBBY”

-*shouts “WE DO NOT RUN OR SHOUT IN THESE HALLWAYS”* sounds legit.

-”Assimilation bay”? Assimilation:  the act or process of assimilating, or of absorbing information,experiences, etc. Assimilate:  to take in and incorporate as one's own; absorb ...Uh oh.

-HEY PERIDOT I FOUND YOUR FINGERS

-Reminds me of that one time I took an MRI scan. It was really loud and sounded uncannily like hardstyle music. Scanning with sick beats.

-STEVEN DON’T GIVE IN TO THE HUMILIATION

-But seriously what’s with the undressing that’s disturbing

-and there’s a giant eye watching

-Me too Steven, me too. Loincloths are one of the worst human inventions to ever exist. And now you look like some farmboy from medieval Japan.

-HE’S NOT OLD ENOUGH FOR FUCKING EAR TAGS

-Welcome to space Hawaii.

-”Your weird appearance, your strange jewels... I know what you are. YOU’RE HIPPIES!"

-the fuck

-did that episode seriously just cut off there

-I will now put my voice, specifically trained in the ways of the Whovians to scream the name of Moffat, to an unconventional use, to scream...

-REBECCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!1!!!!11!!

-*insert JonTron saying “What, What the fuck”*

The Zoo

-SKIP THE THEME SONG

-’TIS A PRETENTIOUS FACADE OF RAINBOWS AND FLOWERS PLANTED TO DISGUISE THE INFERNO THAT IS CURRENTLY TAKING PLACE

-Space Hawaii... with Minecraft grass.

-”Gareg”

-That name sounds kinda Star Wars-y

-And now I have conflicting feelings about the zoos we have on Earth, I mean, is that what animals think of zoos, but only way worse? No grass, no trees, just concrete and spectators? (I mean, some zoos are really nicely set up but others are not so good.)

-Annnnd introducing people from all over the world. KIDNAPPED humans.

-Now imagine Steven freeing all those humans and bringing them to Earth and Peedee just waking up and going to work one morning to find 20+ people in loincloths chanting “The buts, the bits”

-What the fuck, glowing earpieces

-For a moment I thought it was gonna say some 1984 shit “WAR IS PEACE. FREEDOM IS SLAVERY. IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH.”

-Well that still sounds like brainwashing to me

-MINECRAFT FRUIT

-MINECRAFT QUILT GRASS

-Reminds of the scene in Kungfu Panda 3 where all the pandas roll downhill.

-HOW THE FUCK IS THAT VOICE WATCHING

-SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING THEY’RE DOING

-I BET IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THAT SPACE EYE

-IT REMINDS ME OF THE CYBERMEN EARPODS FROM DOCTOR WHO SERIES 2

-*WHAT THE FUCK INTENSIFIES*

-”What if I don’t want to smell the flowers?” Then you will be EXTERMINATED.

-But seriously, this is really unsettling.

-By “refreshing bath” you mean sitting dramatically in a fountain with all your clothes on

-Without even wetting your hair

-CANNONBAAAAAAALL

-”Raised in captivity”

-That sun is really bugging me for some rea-WHAT THE FUCK

-I kid you not, I legitimately yelled “WHAT THE FUCK” when it started eclipsing

-I thought it was gonna turn into a giant eye or something holy shit

-Now it just reminds me of the night light in Bo’s room on Spirited Away

-How the fuck do they all get tired at the same time and how do they not get tired or bored of the same routine (from what I gather) every day. There is something seriously wrong with this. Or it’s just because they were indeed raised in captivity and i’m just overreacting.

-”I sure am tired from doing a whole lot of nothing”

-”It’s the door!”

 -I mean there were literally like three banana leaves covering it

-That’s creepy

-you sure Greg, Steven has superhuman stregth, he can punch an arcade robot out of its stall...

-Maybe they just assume everyone’s asleep at night and don’t care what happens

-The WHAT?

-This is ominous

-U12, F3... they’re fucking numbered

-Wait but why do gems use human alphabets

-”choosened”  Much grammar. Such wow.

-Wait is this some sort of breeding ritual  Is this how those humans were born in the first place

-what the fuck

-THE FUCK

-what the fuck

-fucking fuck

-what the FUCK

-GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN, THE DOOR IS OPEN

-Amethysts working emotional support.

-So do they understand zoo humans but not Greg/Steven, or does it work differently?

-uh oh

-shit

That Will Be All

-*bad feeling intensifies even more*

-*Han Solo voice* I’ve got a baaad feeling about this.

-Well at least they’re out of the enclosure

-Are those Jaspers

-in... boxes??

-Are soldier gems usually kept in cat towers?? How do they even get up there?

-NOOO AMETHYST

-THANK FUCKING GOODNESS you had me scared there for a moment

-Like, thank fucking goodness. I’d really hate it if Amethyst went through even more shit than she already did.

-SKINNY JASPER

-LOL WUT

-what the fuck

-*in that screaming voice when you turn a corner in a horror game only to find the same monster that’s been hunting you down for the last twenty minutes patiently waiting for you* THEY’RE STILL THERE

-those cat tower holes are supposed to look like Kindergarten holes.. so that’s what they do?? Just stand in there??

THEY WERE EAVESDROPPING

-Except Ruby. She was prepared to punch someone.

-Who bubbled all these gems that look nothing like the one in my belly?

-”Oh no I’m crying, the enemy is near”

-WHAT THE FUCK

-Good to see YD lost some of that neck

-And apparently her trench coat/skirt thingy too

-*LOUD WALKING NOISES*

-Like seriously the diamonds are fucking HUGE ASS FUCKING GIGANTIC WTF

-Well, so much for the guy who theorized that Yellow Diamond is not huge and that Yellow Pearl is just tiny.

-I’m surprised that the pearls didn’t get accidentally squished already

THAT FUCKING SMUG ASS FACE

I cOulDn;T heLP MYSELFF

-AND NOW I’M CACKLING LIKE MAD

-I WAS CACKLING ALL THE WAY WHILE I WAS PHOTOSHOPPING THIS AND I AM SO GLAD I WAS ALONE AT HOME

-(Except for my dog. maybe he thinks I’m crazy now/)

-Anyway, back to the episode.

-destroy the WHAT NOW?

-Wait, did Homeworld bubble all the Rose Quartzes because of the one that defected?

-”Pearl, do something. Sing for her.”  Yellow Pearl: “someBODY-”

-Yellow Pearl: “NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP, NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN”

-Yellow Pearl: “What is love, baby don’t hurt me, baby don’t hurt me no more”

-Yellow Pearl: “Turn down for WHAT”

-Yellow Pearl: “bobok bok  bok bok  bokbok bok bokbok  bobok bok  bok bok bokbok YEE”

-Yellow Pearl: “And I said HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA “

-Yellow Pearl: “ROUND AND ROUND LET THE CITY TURN, PARTY IN THE HILLS WE CAN PARTY IN THE BURBS”

-Yellow Pearl: “SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAGER”

-Yellow Pearl: “wE, ARE THE CRYSTAL GEMS”

-Now I want a compilation of Yellow Pearl singing ridiculous things

-maybe I will make them myself.. but I only have Windows Movie Maker

-Shh, Steven, don’t sing along.

-HOLY FUCK IT’S THE SONG

-Makes sense that YD’s voice actor is a musical actress.

-AWW THEY’RE ON HER HANDS

-why do those pearls have such squeaky voices

-it’s certainly something different to see the main antagonist’s feelings being shown, and having her own song that isn’t about conquering and being evil, instead they’re shown to have feelings and caring about their friends and lost ones.  I like that.  Steven Universe makes it hard to really hate any character, because none of them are one-dimensional, they all have their own stories and personalities, there’s more sides to them than their first impressions.

-(I’m silently kinda thinking it would have been even more better if it was a duet but hey what we already got is great in itself)

-fucking holly agate

-dictionary agate

-Ruby is discomforted

-AND I GET WHY. THEIR PLAN’S ABOUT TO BE BLOWN

-o shit o shit o shit o shit o shit o shit o shit oshit

-DAMN BLUE DIAMOND WENT FROM GLOOMY TO EDGY SASS IN 0.1 SECONDS FLAT

-And Yellow Diamond just standing there like ‘wtf is going on’

-PHEWWWW

-I hope we get to see more of them in the future, it’ll be an interesting story arc. I’m curious as to what their positions and roles will be in the upcoming episodes.

H A HA H A

K we buds now? cool

-And to think I thought they were gonna be like purple Jaspers

I’m going ‘shit shit shit shit shit’ but at the same time I’m laughing so hard I can hear my ribs cracking

-*SILENCE*

omfg

-wtf she uses a whip too

-GARNEEEEEEET

-SHOWDOWN

-THAT COLLECTIVE FUCKING “OOOOOHHHHHH”

-DAMN PEARL THAT’s SAVAGE

-DAAAAYUMMMM

“U GOT BURNED M8″

Are all diamond ships arms? What is it with gems and arms anyway?

-It’s strangely aesthetic, though.

-Also, SHIP COLORS CORRESPOND TO GEM COLOR.  Does this mean that Peridot was the leader of the mission after all, since her ship was green like her?

-Phew, safe return to Earth.

-smol cinnamon roll and his dad are safe.

-OR ARE THEY *OMINOUS END CREDITS MUSIC*

-OKAY

-So... that happened.

-IT FUCKING BROKE ME and now I’ll go watch the rest of Doctor Who series 9 to get even more broken

[hollyoaksloversx]

Sinned and Binned...

Rounding up a week in Hollyoaks (17th-21st July 2017)

Ah, DS Armstrong. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot take his attempts at being a bad guy seriously. This week saw him attempt to get Cindy on her own as he massaged her ego and invited her to speak at a motivational event in Liverpool. Cindy jumped at the chance and headed off with Gavin, much to the concern of Leela and Milo. Getting Cindy alone in a hotel room, Gavin made a move on her and most put out when Cindy rebuffed his advances. As Cindy realised that Leela had been right to warn her against Gavin, she made a run for it down the hotel corridor, where who should she run in to, but Leela and Milo. Gavin was later arrested, but that wasn’t the end of his creepy behaviour this week...

Among Gavin’s possessions were several photos of Amy, photos which were soon discovered by Ryan and James. This should have been excellent news for James, as the photos could provide the police with another suspect in Amy’s murder, thus getting his client, Ste, out of prison. However, seeing Ste as the reason that John Paul left, James was more than happy to let him rot. Meanwhile, Ryan was left in a difficult position. Of course, if Gavin had killed Amy, he wanted him punished, but Gavin reminded him that he’d helped cover up the stalking of Leela, and as a result, could lose his job if Gavin decided to drop him in it. James and Ryan decided to dispose of the photos, but the situation soon took a turn when Ste’s missing trainers from the night of Amy’s murder were discovered in the drains at Nightingales...

Meanwhile, there was more drama for the Lovedays when Leela decided to tell Zack that Louis was Daniel’s Father. Zack was horrified by the news and after confronting his Dad, wanted to tell Simone. However, Louis pointed out that the information would destroy her, and begged him to keep it quiet. Of course, this whole situation could have been avoided in the first place if Louis and Leela had just been honest from the start. After all, weren’t Louis and Simone on a break when he slept with Leela, therefore he hasn’t done anything wrong other than not tell her sooner? But where’s the drama in that, eh?! Zack reluctantly agreed and he and Louis returned home to find that Lisa had agreed to be a surrogate mother for Louis and Simone! 

Scott’s self esteem took another knock this week when he arrived for his first shift in Price Slice only to discover that Diane had had to badger Simone into giving him a job. Proving herself to be a terrible boss, Simone left Scott to man the shop straight away, which proved to be too much and he closed the shop and ran away. There was only one person Scott wanted confront from, his Mother, Maggie, however, she once again rejected him. Scott later saw a post on social media about a new bar that Maggie’s son, Damon, had opened up, and decided to check it out. Scott and Damon seemed to hit it off and Scott opened up about the problems he’d faced, however, he was too scared to tell Damon who he really was. Damon seems like a nice, decent bloke so far, but what’s the betting he’s hiding some terrible secret and will later be revealed to be a complete arse?

Elsewhere, Marnie was excitedly preparing for the re-opening of Nightingales but first had to endure a visit from the health inspector. Unfortunately for Marnie, the health inspector, Elizabeth, turned out to be a woman Marnie had bullied at school and she took great delight in refusing to give the restaurant a clean bill of health. The situation proved particularly amusing for Myra, until she realised that Marnie would be unable to move out without a wage coming in. Myra quickly called Elizabeth back and she agreed to inspect the restaurant if Marnie re-created an act of humiliation she had imposed on her at school! And that is how Marnie came to be in a bin, chanting “I have sinned, so I have been binned”!

Finally, there was concern when Sienna discovered she was bleeding and later collapsed in the Dog car park. After being rushed to hospital, Sienna was given the happy news that her babies were fine but in true Hollyoaks fashion, there was bad news just around the corner. The Doctor was concerned by Sienna’s scan and ordered a biopsy, leaving Sienna fearing she had cervical cancer...

5 Things We Learnt This Week:

1. Marnie has to ‘hover’ every time she uses the McQueen’s loo.

2. Price Slice offers no training or induction whatsoever. New recruits will be left to man the shop alone moments after walking through the door. 

3. Lisa’s normal Saturday night is “more dangerous than childbirth”.

4. Watching Project Runway always calms Marnie down.

5. Little Lucas is a crime prevention expert. Well he does live in Hollyoaks!

Characters Featured:

Cindy, Courtney, Damon, Daniel, Diane, Dirk, DS Thorpe, Gavin, Grace, Harry, Holly, Hunter, James, Joel, Kim, Leah, Leela, Lily, Lisa, Louis, Lucas, Mac, Marnie, Milo, Myra, Neeta, Prince, Scott, Sienna, Tegan, Warren and Zack.

Past Characters Mentioned:

Amy Barnes, Cameron Campbell, Liam Donovan, Nathan Nightingale, Liberty Savage.