#sequels usually suck but not this time. In my opinion anyway.

[alocalcosmiccalamity]

Just got back from seeing Inside Out 2 and it fucking rocks. Out of the new emotions, Anxiety is definitely my favorite. That's all I'm gonna say for now because I don't want to spoil anything now do I? (If anyone comments or reblogs this, keep everything spoiler free please.)

Fanart because why not. This took 1 hour to draw so ignore how terrible it looks. Especially the hands.

References:

[saratinz]

Erase Him From Your Brain

pairing ➩ Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

warnings ➩ angst, drinking, smut, pure filth, spanking, daddy kink, dom/sub dynamics, degradation, praise, pet names (good girl, slut)

synopsis ➩ sequel to 'Fuck Away the Pain'

word count ➩ 1.4k

a/n ➩ to celebrate reaching 69 followers, I give you part 2. comment to be added to taglist.

Your date with bucky is tonight, and you could not be more nervous. It’s weird, the fact that you’re about to have a romantic evening with the guy who you only had hatred towards two weeks ago. There’s a thin line between love and hate, and you two had crossed it. You have no idea what’s going to happen at this dinner. He picked a fancy restaurant, but no amount of money spent can make up for a lack of connection. And that’s your worst fear, realizing that even though your sexual chemistry is off the charts, your ideas of romance might clash. 

You went through hundreds of different outcomes in your head, but never did you expect this one to even be possible. “Ma’am, if he’s not gonna show up, I need you to give up the table.”

“Thank you for being so patient, he’s not coming. Here, let me give you, $20, for your time.”

“I’m so sorry about your boyfriend.”

“Appreciate it. Have a good evening.”

When you get back to the compound, you can’t stop the tears that flood your eyes. How could he do this to you? How could you fall for it, fall for him? Whatever shred of respect you had for him a month ago is gone. James Barnes is a no-good, very bad, wretched man, and no amount of charm will ever get him out of this hole he dug. You are done. Done with lies, done with assholes, and done with love. What even is love anyway? Seems like all it does is cause pain. Your thoughts race as you lie in your bed, wondering what the fuck you did wrong. You’ve felt this pain before, you know you can beat it, but everything feels so awful. You want this hurt to be gone. Why won’t it just go away? Why won’t he just go away? That’s your last thought before you drift off into a not-so-peaceful slumber.

You wake up to violent knocking, with your eyes puffy and pillow stained with makeup. “Y/n, it’s Bucky.” Fuck this, you roll over, figuring he’ll eventually go away. “I know you’re in there, F.R.I.D.A.Y confirmed for me.

“Fuck off James.”

“C’mon baby, just let me apologize.”

“Get away or I swear to god, I’ll make your life a living hell.”

“Just, I rescheduled our dinner for tonight, if you don’t come, I understand, but I’m giving you the option.”

“Hope you’re more embarrassed than you’ve ever been in your life.”

“I love you. ”

“Fuck you.”

“Okay, I’m leaving.” You scream into your pillow. The thought of going to dinner with Bucky makes you sick. It still crosses your mind though. No, you refuse to think about what could happen. Like how he could apologize, could be easy to talk to, could be your soulmate. Shut up brain. You do not want the guy who betrayed you, the guy who teased you to no end. You hope he’s in pain, and maybe that’s wrong, but it’s simply how you feel. 

You’re not usually a day-drinker, but this situation calls for it. You cradle your favorite drink, sipping it way faster than you should. You see a familiar face passing. “Hey Sam.”

“Hey Y/n. I need to talk to you.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Bucky.”

“God, please don’t tell me he put you up to this.”

“He’s so sorry. He had a few drinks before dinner, he was so nervous, he wanted things to be perfect. He passed out from not sleeping or eating.”

“Here’s the thing, I don’t care what happened. I was scared too, but I showed up anyway.”

“He wanted me to give you this.” 

“Take it back to him, I don’t want it.”

“He said even if you didn’t open it, I have to force you to take the box.”

“Sam you’re really getting on my nerves.”

“Y/n, you want my honest opinion?”

“Go ahead.”

“He’s an asshole, you deserve better.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“Because even though he sucks sometimes, he’s never cared about anyone half as much as he cares about you. He’s always had your back.”

“That’s what you do when your an Avenger.”

“No, I mean he literally begs people to check up on you, to look after you, hell, he convinced Steve to give you a chance.”

“I didn’t ask for him to do any of those things, and look how well my thing with Steve ended.”

“He cares more about you than he does his best friend, that’s what came between them. You’re special, he didn’t intentionally fuck this up, that’s just what you get when you fall in love with him. So please, for the love of god, take him back, so that I never have to do this again. I will pay you to go on this date. Name your price.”

“One million.”

“I was thinking more like $50.”

“I’m not going to dinner.”

“Just, don’t drink too much, okay?”

“I know. Goodbye Sam.”

“Bye.” Once he leaves, you get right back to self-medicating. The drinks start to taste less and less like alcohol. You know your limits, and you use that knowledge to drink as much as you can without blacking out. When you finally cut yourself off, you realize it’s time for dinner. But there’s no way you’re going. Even drunk you knows that’s a bad idea. 

Bucky clouds your mind, like the virus he is. How do you even explain your feelings toward him? He’s just, he won’t get out of your head. You kinda wanna go to dinner. Wait, what? No you don’t, let him be so embarrassed like you were. But he’s so hot, and good at sex. No, shut up brain. And you love him. Well, that you can’t deny. No matter what you tell yourself, that will always be true. Fuck it, fuck reasoning, you are going to stop him from going. You don’t want him in pain like you are. 

You practically sprint to his room, trying to catch him before he leaves. You run into him in the hallway with his room. “James, don’t do this.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s humiliating.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well, I do. I still love you, I don’t want you to go through with this.”

“There’s nothing you can do to stop me.” 

“Not even if I let you fuck me?” You put on your best pouty face.

“What?”

“Not even if I suck your dick?”

“Y/n, stop it.”

“Not even if I call you daddy?”

“How, how did you know I like that?”

“I didn’t, but I do now.”

“Shut up.”

“Guess you’re just gonna have to punish me, daddy.” All of a sudden, you’re pushed against the wall, caged in, and getting really turned on.

“You wanna be a brat? I’ll treat you like one.”

“Do your worst.” His lips are on yours in an instant, and it’s a filthy kiss, just tongue and teeth. You yelp as Bucky pulls away and throws you over his shoulder. Once you get inside his room, he walks to the bed and tosses you onto it. 

“Take your clothes off, underwear too.” You do as he said, feeling self-conscience under his dark gaze. “Good girl, now I’m gonna sit down, and you’re gonna lay across my legs.” Crawling onto his lap, you cry out as he smacks his hand across your ass. 

“What the fuck?” Another hit.

“You begged me to do this with your bad behavior. I can’t just let you get away with whatever. I’m gonna make you my obedient little slut, it’s time you learn a lesson or two. But if you feel uncomfortable, just say the word ‘red’ and I will stop.” Once again, you’re struck. “After every spank, I’m gonna need you to say ‘thank you, daddy’. You got that?”

“James, that’s humiliating.” He puts all of his strength into the next blow.

“That’s not my name princess, now what do you say?”

“Thank you, daddy.” You reluctantly mumble.

“I can’t hear you.”

“Thank you, daddy.” You scream.

“Good fucking girl. Now we’re gonna do that 20 more times.” 

When your punishment is finally over, your eyes are puffy and your face is soaked. “It’s over honey, you did so good.” He helps you straddle him, kissing your tears away. You lay your head on his shoulder, wishing this feeling will last forever. He lies down, maneuvering your limp body so that you can use his still clothed chest as a pillow. You’re super drowsy, from the alcohol and spanking, and before long, you fall into a deep slumber.

Previous part / Masterlist / Next part

[styrmwb]

Favorite Final Fantasy Music (FFVII)

awwwww shit it's the big one

One: This is where I really gotta think about how I do these lists in order, cause FFVII has A Lot of sequels/prequels/sevenquels that have music, and I have played some of them (I have not played after years so that's why this convo is starting now) so the next one will either be another VII game or VIII and I'll do other games later, like and subscribe to find out

Two: I am of the Controversial Opinion that VII is Not the best FF, it is still a very good game, but I think it's overhyped (you can send giant meteors to my house that's ok) but, as usual, the music? That isn't overhyped at all. This shit slaps, and it all sounds super unique which I absolutely love. Every list from here on out (VI on out really) is going to be super hard and prob have a hefty honorable mentions list cause they're all just... so good. Anyways, it is time. 5. Tifa's Theme This is a beautiful song. My most favorite part about it is the melody. I talk a lot about how some notes or arrangements just hit the ears just right and twinge the heartstrings, and I'm sure there's a music theory concept that is why this is, and this song is definitely one that applies for me. (god I am so shit at wording things lmao). I love the marimba backing, the slow horn or whatever you'd call it, the wind, it's so calming and peaceful. This is a song I listen to when I want some chill, yet still happy times.

4. Birth of a God Here comes another controversial opinion, my hottest take; I like Birth of a God more than One Winged Angel, and I think it is GREATLY underappreciated. It's such a cool song! The creepy intro clashing against the upbeat drums, the organ absolutely rocking out, the weird up and down sound that plays before the main melody? This is a jam!!! Not to mention when it goes into Those Chosen By The Planet, linking it back to You Are Fighting Sephiroth? Bro. I know it's not As Epic as OWA, but it slaps so fucking hard and I wish I could jam out half as hard as the melody does.

3. The Chase Also known as Crazy Motorcycle Chase depending on who's translating the song! FFVII really suffers from "none of my songs really have a unified official translation" disease. When I say FFVII has a unique sound, this song is hard evidence of that. The weird little boops in the background, the UFO tractor beam, and then The FFVII Organ that is just the best, this sounds like an alien made music and I love it. I'm always bouncing around when I listen to it; this was also one of my like, first loves with FF music, I remember the days hoping that this would make it into Smash with Cloud (the miracle never happen..) and my love for this song has never decreased.

2. J-E-N-O-V-A Alongside The Chase, J-E-N-O-V-A is another one of my first FF music loves. It also has a title that's a nightmare to type so I'm going to try to minimize that. This is another extremely alien sounding song, with the constant BEE BEE bow boh boo boo in the back (you know what I mean), and the main melody sounds so menacing. Perfect for fighting a literal alien virus. I love the main synth noises, and I can't quite describe them which sucks. The song also gives this big hopeful ending, like you are winning the fight, like you're beating back this disgusting evil creature. This song is so cool and I will forever jam out to it.

1. Main Theme of Final Fantasy VII Contender for my favorite FF overworld theme, but being barely beaten out by a song in a later entry. This is the epitome of the FFVII sound that I keep talking about that hopefully you understand what i mean. It has so many of the instruments that make this soundtrack so special, with a beautiful melody and a feeling that is haunting and uplifting at the same time. This song feels like a sun rising, friends traveling together, but also giving you that feeling of loss and that the world is literally going to end. It gives a very similar sound to Aerith's theme, which is nice. The main melody, or the chorus as I almost want to call it, is one of my favorite arrangements of notes ever, and in the right mindset, I WILL tear up at it. I love how after the grand opening, it slows down, it gives you a menacing beating bass, before rising back up, sounding grand yet souring, and finally ending with a huge finale that just pulls at my heart in all of the best ways. This theme is a masterpiece. Fucking... I originally had this in the #2 spot, but as I was writing this, I realized Just How Much I loved this song, and so I bumped it up to #1.

Honorable mentions go to Obviously One Winged Angel cause it JUST BARELY doesn't quite make the list, Fight On and Let The Battles Begin, and the Opening - Bombing Mission.

[jumpscaregoose]

What are your thoughts on the character writing in Shaman King? I think it's pretty interesting since it doesn't always spell out everything for the reader.

sorry for leaving this for like 87 years I was deliberating my opinions and then I forgot

pinkie promise to not ignore more asks for this long please give me more things to drabble on about

this triggered an unskippable cutscene so I'm adding a read more but if you don't wanna be here for years me complaining is still above the cut (though I recommend being a nerd with me I have a graph)

anyways I have a running bit with myself whenever I'm googling something mankin related (like when capitalism was invented or the average altitude in hokkaido or something about lsd for the fiftieth time) that I do more research than takei did originally writing the damn thing. the exact words I say are usually "I should stop expecting takei to be good at his job when I do this" because takei does suck at his job sometimes. directing you towards him using the entirety of pre-colonial mesoamerica as a grab bag of random traits that results in hell for me googling stuff because ohmygod

I think the character writing is where this happens the least (though there was one point during my flowers reread where I had to step away from my computer because I forgot he did a thing and it was the SINGLE WORST THING HE COULD HAVE WRITTEN for those characters with that plot element but I digress that is a whole other thing that I am not qualified for)

the writing of our main characters (specifically pacing) is funny though one second I have a graph

these lines display (roughly) the points in the story where we're introduced to our five main characters and also the points where we get full backstory reveals

as you can see

takei what the actual fuck why is it so imbalanced

I think it's a cool funny haha but sir did you forget that one of your most important characters didn't have a full backstory for like four years

not much else to say about pacing except the manga is already really zoomy and when you don't give them enough episodes to adapt it you get an any% speedrun wr 19 hours 50 minutes whateverI'mnotdoingmoremath seconds also look at this typo I made writing this it's very important

ok right where we we

actually answering the ask sounds like a good idea now

overall I really like the characters in the shaman king manga, reboot anime, and what I've seen of the 2001 anime. I've already written an entire post about how much I love yoh and hao's writing. hana and alumi are neat and red crimson is an excellent manga but we're no here for sequels

also it's important to note that I have been staring at shaman king for like two years straight, I have no sense of what's obvious knowledge and what's obscure nolifer wisdom ( no idea where I fall on that spectrum basically)

recently I've been in a real x laws appreciation phase, I think lyserg's arc specifically is a neat and complex take on justice and healing. it feels like something that could realistically happen to a person, minus all the supernatural stuff of course

ever since I first watched the 2021 anime the summer it started airing I've also really liked ren. he's got the zuko type redemption arc thing going on, and while that's an age old trope something about the way he was written always gets me. watching 2021 episode 27 for the first time the day it came out (as the first episode I watched weekly btw, rip osorezan arc you're beautiful but the first time I watched you I was so preoccupied) was one of the most memorable media experiences I've ever had. 😲 face the entire time

horo's another fave writing wise, again mostly because I think the ridiculous pacing of his arc is Hilarious, but if you interpret it as takei being good at his job (possible but unlikely) his introduction scene is fantastic at establishing a character without letting you know you're missing something. I for one didn't notice until the narrative pointed it out at which point I freaked out a bit because oh no I ignored my son by accident. the wisdom kings fight still makes me lose it every time I watch it scene of all time as well (voice performance has to be my favourite part of that I don't think it would go half as hard animated without that)

those three are my favourite characters writing wise. I also think jeanne is cool but her entire arc is very similar to both lyserg's and ren's so I shan't elaborate. I will however tell you about the time I was sitting in math class when my teacher mentioned joan d'arc, I had what can only be described as a eureka moment, and spent five minutes frantically googling things until I zoned back in to him talking about the time he almost drowned in quicksand on mont saint michel

there's also some neat stuff with plant and flower symbolism that I haven't looked into in months but is pretty neat (I like the part where weed shows up because I am so very mature)

don't even get me started on the musical leitmotifs and themes (no seriously don't I have no real musical knowledge and no one to fact check my bs) but I did write another post about some of it if you haven't read it

uh in conclusion I don't think takei knows what he's doing sometimes, character writing in shaman king pretty good sometimes me likey, I will make graphs on a whim for basically no reason

here have another one I did in two minutes to explain ren and jeanne's parallel character arcs once

giveb me more mankin asks if you have any I have so many OPINIONS and TANGENTS I wish to be PROMPTED

[bluealexa]

Been playing talos principle 2 lately, very near endgame I think.

First, a gameplay review - much easier than the first game in certain keys ways. The first one had a few puzzle elements that could kill you (reset the puzzle! Even if you were mostly done!) and some of them had anxiety inducing beeps when near you. So far I haven't found any such elements in the sequel. Lots and lots of puzzle elements and difficult puzzles, but I rarely die (usually a fall from a great height and it's fully on me... Except when the anti grav elements confuse the fuck out of me.) and only sometimes have to reset a puzzle because I soft locked myself out of a solution.

I never finished the first game because I could never cope well enough with certain puzzles to finish enough to unlock an ending. I love how much philosophy was tied up in the first games lore and I've heard about the different possible endings - but I have no emotional connection with those endings because even reading a guide I simply cannot get to any ending of that game.

Talos principle 2 though - I won't say I haven't read guides when stuck. Often enough it's that I misunderstood a puzzle element and even a small hint would get me on the right track (like when I was determined to solve one a particular way but I couldn't get the parts over where I wanted it - found a thread where someone did what I was trying to do and it didn't solve it anyway! So I backed down and looked for a new solution and found it 5 min later.)

But oh man the philosophy. There's so much lore, either in conversations with characters or to read off a screen or little voice note time capsules left for you. Bonus, if you have hurty hands, these are little breaks to sit the controller down and just listen.

The philosophy tied up in the lore is so amazingly captivating. I love it so much.

And so far still no puzzle elements I cannot tolerate. Not even on the optional puzzles that are just there to unlock other special things which I expect I'll get to after I get a clear of the main game.

I don't know yet if there are multiple different endings but I love that certain dialogue trees that ask me to state my opinion of the philosophical questions have sometimes 6 or more answers. I get to indicate my level of optimism about the problems, my level of determination to believe in the beauty of the universe, my tolerance of existential pessimism on the society level (hey it's fine if you're a pessimistic person but if society gets pessimistic then everyone loses the will to try to improve and that fucking sucks).

[being-of-rain]

I’ve listened to 5 of the New Series UNIT box sets now! Tbh a lot of my opinions have been what I assumed they would be, based on reviews I’d read and my opinions of the authors... I don’t know if that means I was too biased, but oh well!

Once again what I intended to be some stray thoughts turned into a lot of rambling, so I’ll put them under a read more. Spoilers for the UNIT stories involved.

Extinction- Fun action romp. The Nestene using 3D printers for an invasion is a pretty obvious one really. The series was mostly interesting for me because I got to know the new team, I love a good team in a monster of the week type series. Honestly I haven’t warmed to Josh a lot; not because he’s particularly unpleasant (though sometimes he can be annoying), but mostly because of the tropes he fills. Quippy action hero white guy (who’s only stopped from being the main character by not being from the TV show proper), and mandatory straight love interest for a character who Really didn’t need it. I don’t think Sam isn’t the sort of character that would usually endear himself to me, but again circumstances shaped my emotions; I sort of followed him over to this range from the very good Ninth Doctor Adventures finale, and he made a nice change to Josh (sorry Josh, he’s really not TOO bad, just not my cup of tea). Plus, UNIT’s international troubleshooter is very cool role. Shindi is an interesting character- again I don’t usually have much interest in extremely militaristic characters, but his flashes of being reasonable, understanding, and even caring made a nice change to the usual military. Jacqui was a great character for a UNIT series- but in this box set and number 3, the writers seem much more interested in the problems she could cause for UNIT rather than the fact that she might actually be right to cause them! She argues with characters a few times that UNIT shouldn’t be working so hard to keep the public in the dark on things, to the point that they drug the country’s water supply. And uh... Yeah, solid point. But no one bothers to give a counter-argument, even Kate barely deems it with a response, it’s just part of her duties. That’s a militaristic organisation for you I guess.

Shutdown- Yikes. I had no idea what they were even going for with the alien species of this one, until I listened to the behind the scenes where they explain that they wanted to do an ‘Ancient Aliens Inspired This Ancient Culture’ trope but with Asian cultures. Firstly, that trope sucks. Secondly, doing that trope but Orientalism-flavoured does not make things better! And they don’t even end up with interesting villains. For the series’ attempt at making an original alien species to base a whole box set around, they’re sooo dull. What, they’re like ninjas so they can be invisible and move fast? Is that it? They do realise that this means nothing on audio. And I didn’t even realise until I read on the Tardis wiki that they were linked with the aliens in The Diary of River Song series 1, something I’ve listened to a few times. Not to dunk on every aspect of this set, but who signs off on the box set titles? Because ‘Extinction’ is generic and doesn’t hold any special meaning in the story, and I don’t even know why this one is called ‘Shutdown’.

Silenced- My favourite of the first 4 sets, inevitably! It’s a really cool sequel to Day of the Moon. I can’t blame it for not trying to tie in the Silents of those episodes to the futuristic church of the Silence, that was never very clear on TV, and you can just assume that even if some Silents could travel off-world with the Tardis-like travel devices, not all of them could escape. It was interesting that at the end of the set, I think some Did escape again? If I remember rightly. Anyway, any 4-hour story where the characters keep forgetting the entire plot could’ve got very dull very quickly, but it was done so well that it was great to listen to the entire time. Like I said, I might be biased, but my favourites were John Dorney’s episodes. He’s such a good writer.

Assembled- I large part of why I love the Silurians is that they’re not generic bad guys. But despite that, I knew going in that they probably would be in this set, so I didn’t let it bother me. Also, I knew beforehand that Jo got a line or two about “political correctness,” so I tried not to let that bother me either (I don’t know if that line is as out of character as I think it is, or if I just immediately get red flags from anyone using it). So considering both of those things, it was a really pleasant surprise when Jo makes such a strong argument for peaceful negotiation with the Sea Devils, and actually succeeds! That was great characterisation for her. ...But despite that, she did come off as a bit daft in the fourth episode when she goes to try and negotiate with the Silurians, and after talking to them announces “you’re radicals!” as if that hadn’t been made extremely clear already. Maybe she was just thinking that they still might make a better government than the current British one. It surprised me that in a set that was advertised so much as ‘the one with the original UNIT characters,’ none of them appeared in episode 3, but in hindsight I guess I should’ve felt lucky that I got 3 other epiosdes with them, considering how often Big Finish hinges all the advertisement of a set on characters or villains that only appear in 1 episode.

Encounters- I really enjoyed this one! Like I said, I love a good monster of the week series with a good team, so having four episodes that featured mostly just Kate, Osgood, Josh, and Shindi was great. The Dalek one was enjoyable, if mostly because seeing those four characters with no other backup made a nice change. I double checked to make sure it came out before the TV episode Resolution, because the Dalek mutant being on a rampage reminded me of that. The spooky halloween one is one of my favourite episodes yet. I just love a well done spooky halloween ep, and with a fun setting and a really cool threat too. Even if I don’t quite understand what happened- was it aliens or demons? Either way, very fun. I enjoyed the Sontaran ep more than I thought I would, I liked how the Sontarans and UNIT worked together for a bit, that was a new take on the Sontarans that fits a UNIT spin-off very well. I kinda wish the UNIT characters treated the Sontarans a bit more officially though, like with official recognition and alliance, because they know that strong adherence to their military protocols is a weakness of the species, and I like it when UNIT are shown to be smart with their knowledge of alien species. The infernoverse (or infernoverse-esque, I guess) ep was tons of fun. I even enjoyed it despite the fact that it was mostly based around a very heterosexual premise, with a distinct lack of classic homosexually-charged mirror universe villains. (sigh) oh well. I guess I’m too much of a sucker for mistaken identity comedies. But someone needs to write a story with another another infernoverse, this time with evil gay Kate and evil gay Osgood.

[ordinaryschmuck]

Why I (Want to) Love Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure

Salutations random people on the internet who most likely won’t read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

When I heard Disney was making an animated series based on Tangled, acting as a continuation from the original movie, my initial thought was, "Why?"

Sure, Disney is infamous for its unnecessary sequels of the story after happily ever after, with the many, many, many failures that follow suit. Even then, though, most of these continuations were movies that kind of have the potential to tell more of a story. But what more could be said about Tangled? Sorry to spoil a movie that's over ten years old at this point, but by the end of it: Rapunzel lost her golden hair, was reunited with her parents, fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Her losing the golden hair is the most essential part of that list because how can you do a series based on a Disney princess when her most iconic feature is gone? Then I found out that the series forced a way for her hair to come back, and my new initial thought became, "Oh man. This is gonna suck, isn't it?"

Despite the hesitation, I decided to give it a chance anyway. After all, I've been pleasantly surprised before. Things like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, The Mitchells vs. the Machines, and even The Owl House (yes, really), were shows (and a movie) that I didn't think would be that special. Only to find myself enjoying nearly every minute. So after watching Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, I can certainly say I was surprised...but it was entirely for the wrong reasons.

And to explain how requires spoilers. So if you haven't checked the series out yet, I highly suggest you do it to form your own opinion. Just keep in mind that it's a bit of a mess, but it can be an enjoyable mess...sometimes...let me explain.

WHAT I LIKED

The Animation/Art Style: The series swapping from 3D to 2D might have been the most brilliant decision anyone could have ever made with this series. Usually, when an animated movie gets turned into a show, the most noticeable downgrade is always the animation. Whether it’s not as detailed or not as fluid, it's always subjective that the movie is better animated than the series. But by switching up the styles, the contrast becomes objective instead. 2D and 3D animation each have their pros and cons, so deciding which one is better is nothing more than a matter of opinion. So by changing the style, Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure avoids getting complaints of being a downgrade from the original movie. It also helps that the art style of the series is really unique.

The best way to describe how the show looks is that it's like a coloring book brought to life. At times, everything looks like it was drawn and colored in with crayons, which sounds like an insult, but in actuality, it's one of the best features of the series. As much as I love most animated shows nowadays, I will admit, they all look a little too similar at times. Then here comes Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure, which tries to incorporate a whole new style that successfully sets it apart from most shows.

As for the animation itself, it's really well-made! It's remarkably expressive when required, while the movements are really fluid during the correct scenes. Sure the fighting can be a little floaty during some action set pieces (yes, those exist here), but the dialogue and comedic moments are really where the series shines with its animation. I may have problems with the series as a whole, but I give credit where credit is due for the perfectly executed effort that I see in every episode in terms of animation.

Rapunzel and Eugene’s relationship: This was not something I was expecting to enjoy from the series. In the movie, Rapunzel and Eugene were fine. They were the typical Disney couple that worked off of each other enough that it was always entertaining, even if it was unbelievable that they fell deeply in love with each other after, like, two days. They weren't bad, but they weren't anything to go crazy over.

But the writers for the series said, "You know what, let's make these two adorable in nearly every scene they're in." And they are!

Even though I don't believe in their relationship in the movie, I fully believe it here. Both characters have a large amount of faith in one another on top of having endless love for their partner. Like how Eugene knew Rapunzel would be fine when taking out an airship or how Rapunzel couldn't bring herself to say a bad thing about Eugene when making Cassandra a sparring dummy of him. It's legitimately pleasant to watch, to the point where I put Rapunzel and Eugene in my top ten list of favorite fictional couples. They're that good to me, and it's one of the reasons why I don't jump on the bandwagon of shipping the two main female characters together. I'm all for LGBTQA+ representation, but give Cassandra her own girlfriend. Rapunzel's taken, and most of my enjoyment of this show comes from her and her man. So, you know, keep things as they are.

Cassandra (Seasons One and Two): Seeing how I've already mentioned her, let's talk about Cassandra, shall we? Because when making a series based on a movie that had only four prominent characters, with two of them being comedic animal sidekicks, you're going to need to introduce more members to the main cast to write more potential stories. And Cassandra, in Seasons One and Two (I'll get to Season Three), is a worthy addition. She acts as a strict straight man (I know the irony) who interacts well with Rapunzel and clashes perfectly with Eugene on occasion. She was passably entertaining in Season One and developed amazingly in Season Two. Her growing frustrations with Rapunzel's actions lead to a slow build-up that made her betrayal heartbreaking but somewhat understandable. And as for the results in that betrayal...yeah, I'll get into that later. For now, I'll just say that Cassandra was a pleasant addition to the main cast, especially when she was a part of the main trio, and she's yet another good surprise that the writers supplied for the series.

The Songs: The songs are...not going to be for everyone. Most of them are passable yet kind of generic, while others sound like they belong on Disney Junior (Looking at you, "Bigger Than That"). But when Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure makes a hit, MAN, it is a home run. Numbers like "Ready As I'll Ever Be" and "Nothing Left to Lose" are sung phenomenally, orchestrated well, and are songs I can listen to on repeat multiple times. And "Waiting in the Wings" is not only something I consider to be the best song in the series, but it's also something I'd place as high up on Disney's best due to how f**king incredible it is. "Waiting in the Wings" is a powerful ballad that manages to be both tragic yet inspiring on top of how well it sums up Cassandra as a character. The writers may not always be on top of their game when it comes to music, but songs like these prove that they know how to earn that Disney name.

And that’s all I have for the likes...Oh boy. That’s not a good thing is it?

WHAT I DISLIKED

It Peaked at Season One: It did. It really did.

Season One felt like the writers had a grip on what type of show they wanted: A slice-of-life series with Rapunzel dealing with the issues of her kingdom with a meager threat of these black rocks growing in the background. It was all cute and well-balanced for the most part, but that all disappears in Season Two. Because now it's sort of about this adventure, but because Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure set itself as a slice-of-life series, there need to be these small-scale stories that intertwine the grand narrative being told. The issue is that the story comes to a grinding halt one too many times as fans are forced to sit through these filler episodes that, while not all of them are bad, still feel like a distraction. And by Season Three, the series does feel more focused while having some slice-of-life episodes added to the ongoing story instead of distracting us from it. But the writing isn't as strong, there are several plot holes in the narrative (how did Rapunzel's sunstone get into her dress?), and there is way too much time going back and forth on Cassandra's morality. They claim that she's a villain while arguing that there might still be some good in her, and they continue this train of thought for nine episodes when it really could have been settled in two. For me, it's a bad sign for a series when the first season is the best one. Because if it's all downhill from there, what's the point of even watching?

It Tries to be Epic: This might have been the worst decision the writers could have made.

Now, here's the thing: I don't mind grand epic tales of adventure and battles against demons. If anything, I'm all for them...when it's appropriate and fits with the tone of the series.

Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure suffers a similar problem Frozen II has, in which the writers felt like a big, life-threatening adventure was the perfect continuation of a meager, personal story about the relationships of characters. It isn't. If anything, it's completely missing the mark about what the original story was about. And sure, sometimes writers can succeed in telling personal stories through grand adventures. Just look at The Owl House and parts of Amphibia. But with those shows, it's established within the first few episodes that action and peril will be a series staple. With Tangled, while there was some action and peril, it's all very subdued compared to how high the stakes got raised in later episodes in the show. Especially in the series finale.

And, I mean, c'mon. You're making Rapunzel an action hero?

Judy Hopps? Yes.

Moana? Maybe.

Raya? Most definitely.

But Rapunzel? The character who’s all about optimism and seeing the best of others. That's the character you're going to morph into a hero that fights against an evil demon laid dormant for years? Did you even watch the original movie? Yeah, sorry, but I just don't buy it.

If you want to tell an epic story that gets the blood pumping for fans addicted to adventure, go for it! See where the wind takes you. But make sure to set that tone as early as possible while also making sure that it fits with the characters. If not, the end result is a series that feels like it's trying to be something it’s not.

Eugene is Kind of an Idiot at Times: It should be noted that Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene are practically two different characters. In the film, Eugene was more or less the straight man, as he often questions the wackiness in the world around him and keeping Rapunzel grounded in reality. For the series, most of that personality got transferred to Cassandra. Thus making Eugene's new role in the series act as the egotistical imbecile. Sure, he had those moments in the film, but not as frequently, and it really pains me when the writers really lean hard into a minor aspect of his personality. Sometimes there are moments when Eugene acts like his original self. But it's all small scenes that are spread apart with entire episodes where he has half a brain cell. I'm sure some people didn't mind this change to the character, but as someone who adores the movie version of Eugene, I can't help but feel disappointed.

The Villains are the Worst: Now, I don't mean the one-off villains that show up, cause some chaos for a bit, and disappear at the end of the episode. Those are characters with fun personalities, occasionally cool designs, and do their job as villains of the week. It doesn't matter if their motivations are laughably simple, as their purpose is to be enjoyable characters above anything else. So I actually enjoy those villains...it's the ones that act as season-long antagonists that really grind my gears.

The purpose behind these types of foes is to build up how evil they are throughout the season. The issue is that the writers try to give these characters, or at least two of them, a point. To be fair, this can work. Just look at Killmonger from Black Panther and sometimes Karli Morgenthau from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. You understand and probably even sympathize with the logic and reasoning these characters have. It's just that their actions couldn't be farther from what you would do. The problem with Varian and Cassandra is that they have the motivation, but it's not written suitably for the story.

Cassandra is a whole can of worms I'll get to in a minute, but Varian is someone I can easily discuss for a brief time. Because while I can comprehend his pain for having his father frozen in yellow rock, I don't think turning evil is the best decision to go with that character. Because A. Everything is his fault. He blames Rapunzel for not helping him, but even if she didn't have a crisis to deal with, there was nothing she could have done to stop it. His frustrations are not only unjustified, but given the fact that this wouldn't have happened if he listened to his father in the first place, it feels like him becoming evil is too drastic of a turn. And B. Varian worked much better as a supporting character rather than a primary antagonist. He was just this hopeful, if not a clumsy scientist who wanted to prove himself, who causes minor catastrophes due to not thinking ahead. Turning a character like Varian into a villain is a bit of a misstep because if the guy acts hilariously incompetent as a good guy, it makes little sense to have him be intelligent and ten steps ahead of Rapunzel when being evil. If he were to become more serious and careful when helping the rest of the main cast, I'd consider that character progression done properly. But becoming a villain is just an overreaction.

However, none of that compares with my issues with the main antagonist of the series: Zhan Tiri. This goes back to my problems with the series making itself too epic. Because if Zhan Tiri existed in any other show, I probably wouldn't have any problem with her. She's built up well throughout all three seasons and is kind of threatening at times. But she doesn't belong in a series based on a movie that dealt with a small, personal issue where it wasn't even the character who killed the villain in the end. It was her love interest and animal sidekick. Even if Zhan Tiri works well as a character, the fact that it doesn't feel like she belongs in the show makes her too distracting to enjoy. And that's why these villains suck. If not poorly written, they don't belong in a series that should focus on small-scale issues. And if you can functionally write an antagonist that appears for only one episode but flounder with ones that show up in several, well, that's just embarrassing.

Cassandra (Season 3): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BOY, do I have some words to express with this character. Like with Movie-Eugene and Series-Eugene, Cassandra from Seasons One and Two is frustratingly different from the psychotic IDIOT from Season Three. Basically, just take the issues I have with Varian, multiply them by ten, add them with some bafflingly stupid decisions, and you still wouldn't get how much Season Three-Cassandra frustrates me!

First off, her motivation...what the f**k were the writers thinking? The big reason why Cassandra betrays Rapunzel and motivates all of her misdeeds was that Cassandra's mother was Mother Gothal...EXPLAIN THAT LOGIC TO ME?! Because Cassandra should know what type of woman Mother Gothal was. She should know what Mother Gothal did to Rapunzel in the first eighteen years of her life. So how is Cassandra being abandoned by Gothal the central motivator to cut ties with Rapunzel, who is probably an even bigger victim in this scenario!? Seriously, Rapunzel was cut off from the rest of the world and treated as an unknowing prisoner because she was beneficial to Gothal. Cassandra was adopted into a household with mutual love and got to actually live her life. In no way does it make sense for her to be angry at Rapunzel.

Nor does it make sense that the writers try to play it off as a good thing in the song "Crossing the Line!" Sure, it sounds nice, but thematically, it gives across the opposite feelings that the audience should have. Because if Cassandra cutting ties with Rapunzel is meant to be tragic and awful, why is the music suggesting it's the best possible thing that's ever happened for the character? If you like the song, fine, but even you have to admit that it's thematic nonsense.

But, sure. Cassandra's evil now, and she considers it a good thing. Whatever. I'll take it as long as it leads to good stories...but here's the thing: In the penultimate episode before the three-part series finale, Cassandra asks a question. A question I would have never expected her to ask, despite everything that has happened in the last season. A question that was so baffling, I had to legitimately pause the episode to process the fact that she asked something so stupid. Because Cassandra, the character who is intelligent and grounded in reality, asked, "Am I the bad guy?"

I was honestly shocked to find out she was shocked! How, in the flying, everlasting, cock-a-doodle-doodling F**K does a person like her not pick up that maybe, just maybe, she isn't the hero in this story!? Call me crazy, but endangering the lives of people you once called friends and family, dressing in black, AND HAVING A GIANT EVIL-LOOKING TOWER MADE OUT OF F**KING SPIKES aren't qualities I would give to a hero!

If Cassandra was like Thanos, a character so wrapped up in his ego that he can't even notice how evil he is, I would understand. But she doesn't have an ego. Anger, yes. But for the most part, her personality is based on having logic and reasoning. So turning her into a villain and having her unaware that she's a villain is an act of lunacy that I am incapable of understanding. I don't know who's idea this was, but whoever is to blame...you've got issues.

>Sighs<...This series isn't good, is it?

IN CONCLUSION

I like the animation and some of the characters...but that's not enough. Tangled: The Series/Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure is a mess of a show that tries to do too much for a story that should have so little. Meaning that it's a D+ for me. I want to enjoy it and give it a higher grade, especially with how much I hear people praise this series. And if you do enjoy it, all the power to you. Your opinions are valid, even if I highly disagree with them. Because for me, this is a show that I won't get myself tangled up in again in the future.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

for the ship headcanon meme: star trek pairing of choice, #16-#20?

Bet you thought I forgot about this ask meme, fuckers!  And you’re right, I did, but the beauty of forgetting is that sometimes you remember.  Anyway, as always, it’s Michael/Saru Hours, lads.

16) When the zombie apocalypse comes, how do they cope together?

This is not a headcanon, but I have this fragment of a fic idea in my head based on this question, and that fragment of a fic idea is like...some kind of case fic where Discovery finds a planet being ravaged by Basically A Zombie Apocalypse and Michael and Saru get stranded there.  Ideally, for my personal enjoyment, I would want to slot it into the plot of s1 as early as possible, because the best/worst dynamic there would be Michael choking with guilt and yet still one of the finest scientific minds in Star Fleet, and Saru unable to keep himself from pressing on the fresh bruise of loss, unable to trust her, and the two of them still working together flawlessly.

Because that’s the thing, isn’t it?  Even when they can’t stand each other, they argue like a choreographed dance, and when the chips are down and they have to think on their feet, they still move like Georgiou’s trusted right and left hands.

Anyway.  That, but make it zombies.

17) When they find a time machine, where do they go?

If Michael came into possession of a time machine that actually allowed her to reliably control where she went and let her come back, I think she would sit down and try to do the temporal math to figure out how to avert the war.  I do not, however, believe that Michael and Saru, survivors of a fair amount of timeline hopping already, would actually risk going back in time.  I think they would both talk about wanting to go back, specifically because they know the other will talk them out of it, but I don’t think they would do it.

That being said, I would love a lotus eater prison AU where Michael and Saru are trapped in an idyllic dream of a world where the Shenzhou was never destroyed, Michael was being prepared to be promoted off the ship as a captain, and Saru was preparing to take her place, ft a lot of sadness about Georgiou and Michael and Saru working together to find a way to wake up.

18) When they fight, how do they make up?

Michael wears Raised On Vulcan tattooed on her face, sometimes, and especially when she defensive or guilty--if she’s angry with Saru, she’ll tell him exactly what she thinks he’s doing wrong, to his face, and it takes her a long time to learn that she should pull that punch a little more with people she cares about.  On the upside, that means that, when she feels like she’s been out of line and unnecessarily harsh, she’ll walk right up to Saru and tell him, blunt as anything, what she did, why she thinks it was wrong, and that she understands if he’s angry with her.  

This was initially…a weird experience for Saru on several levels, if he’s being honest.  A lot of his experience with people is colored heavily by the fact that very few people know how to deal with Kelpiens, and that means that he’s either handled like glass or he puts in the work to be treated like any of the other crew members. He’s not really sure how to deal with someone who handles him with exactly the same unemotional ruthlessness as everyone else, and it’s disorienting, and it makes him angry that it’s disorienting, because that’s what he wants, but also, Michael is sometimes an asshole.  She’s the first person that he’s ever argued with on the regular—really argued, a push and counterpush, shoving each other away from the science console and pulling out ad hominem attacks in a way that visibly infuriates Michael’s Vulcan training.  But quite frankly, they never felt like they needed to apologize for those early fights, under Georgiou.  It was part of the ship dynamic, to have Burnham and Saru trying to take strips off each other in a very professional and scientific manner.  As long as Saru never took a cheap shot over Michael’s upbringing and Michael resisted the impulse to go full xenoanthropologist on Saru’s species, they were very good at fighting.

(Personally I am of the belief that Michael only tried to pull the I understand where you’re coming from because of what your species makes you after the mutiny, after she was trying to be nice.  Before then, she expected Saru to perform to her standards and fuck the details.  Half the reason he’s so coldly furious with her over it is because he knows she’s trying to manipulate him, because if she wasn’t, she would never play that card, because no matter how nasty their fights were, she always fought with him as a person, not as a Kelpien.)

19) Where do they go on their first date?

There’s a fic that bounces around my brain every time I watch Discovery, and it’s about Michael and Saru having a first date (sort of) very late at night, when they’re both having trouble sleeping.  It’s not an arranged date, they’re not even really friends even though they’ve gotten past the stage of Michael letting Saru flay her alive for her guilt, but Michael is having trouble sleeping and she’s not a prisoner anymore, so she wanders, and Saru, frankly, sleeps like hypervigilant garbage since the Binary Stars, so he has a preferred hiding spot on one of Discovery’s few observation decks.  As Lorca likes to point out, they’re not a goddamn pleasure cruiser, but Star Fleet never built a ship without at least one view panel, not even their top-secret war machine.

Michael is avoiding people—she hates being asked why she’s awake, gets tangled up in her automatic shame over not being able to control her emotions.  It’s the middle of the “night” by ship standards, but Discovery seethes with activity around the clock, especially since Stamets pulls regular all-nighters when he gets really entranced and often has to be peeled away from his work by Local Exasperated Doctor Hugh Culber.  So she ducks into the parts of the ship that she usually doesn’t go, the places that are more for socializing and are empty at this hour, the places that aren’t often used, the places that are quiet.

She finds the observation deck dim and blessedly silent, with the stars spreading infinitely outside.  The room is faintly lit by the nebula off to the starboard bow, the one they’re using to hide their signature while they run some necessary repairs.  It’s a practical use, but it’s also beautiful, every window in the ship glowing with warm reds and golds, and Michael still finds the stars soothing after all this time, and so she drifts up to the glass with the vague plan of sitting down and spending an hour or two there in an attempt at meditation.  She only sees Saru, leaning back against the edge of the viewing window, when she’s close enough to nearly trip over one of his long legs, stretched out in front of him.

Michael, of course, apologizes, and turns to leave.  Saru never really does have a good answer, as to why he stops her.  But he doesn’t ask any questions about why she’s awake and she doesn’t ask any questions about what he’s doing here, and instead they sit in relative quiet for a while before Saru sits up straighter and offers Michael, again, a small bowl of fruit. It’s not familiar to her, this time, but he says it won’t hurt her, that it’s sort of like a lychee, and she believes him.  It leaves a bit of thin red juice on her fingers when she bites into the first one, and he recommends eating them whole to avoid it while she ruefully sucks the juice off her thumb.  It’s good—less sweet than she expected.  Saru settles next to her in the middle of the window and sets the bowl between them, and she asks how he always manages to have fresh fruit, and he admits that he can wring a lot more out of the replicators since he never gets meat. Somehow it turns into—talking.

Michael is startled to realize, around the hour mark of murmured conversation, that she might have literally never just talked to Saru before. It’s—nice.

(Because I’m physiologically incapable of letting things be nice, if I wrote this fic there would be an immediate sequel of Observation Deck Chats Redux, featuring them doing basically the same thing but after Michael gets back from the Mirrorverse.  Michael leans against Saru’s shoulder in a way that she would never, if she hadn’t been awake with nightmares and grief for pushing three days, and she tells him about the Empire like she’s confessing her sins, and they talk quietly about the ghost haunting their ship in the shape of Empress Philippa Georgiou. It’s not nice, but not for lack of kindness.)

20) Where do they go on holiday?

I think Saru and Michael would have two very distinct kinds of “holiday” and they have two destinations accordingly.

The first kind of holiday is Nerd Holiday, in which they find an unexplored planet and appoint themselves to the away team—everyone else on the away team is wryly aware that they are, essentially, third-wheeling a date, but Discovery has watched this whole situation unfold and honestly the popular opinion is that it would actually be easier to deal with a little bit of PDA than the current Very Professional Mutual Adoration Show.  Local Red Shirt Absolutely Agonized By The Very Correct Ten Inches Of Space Between Her Captain And First Officer, Reports As They Come.  Michael and Saru are pleasantly unaware of this and are having a great time arguing over whether they need another sample of that plant if it’s just a different color.

The second kind of holiday is actual fucking shore leave.  They both prefer planets or stations with a large variety of species—Saru is uneasy with being the center of attention among strangers, and since he stands head and shoulders above a decent percentage of the Federation, it’s hard to avoid unless they’re in mixed company; Michael never quite recovered from the perpetual sense of disjoint when it comes to being around all humans or all Vulcans, so being in a place where everyone is different makes her feel less out of place.  Neither of them like big crowds, so they’re the tourists who immediately leave the usual Tourist Area and find somewhere else to be, which has its ups and downs.  The first time they get into trouble on a totally safe colony planet because they decided to go exploring, there’s a beat of them looking at each other and silently agreeing that they won’t be telling the crew about this, because there’s already a running ship joke about what trouble magnets they are and they do NOT need to feed anyone more material.

[ais-n]

hello!! i just spent the past month or so reading all the icos books, scrolling through your account, and reading the notes you posted about the sequel on patreon. i’m absolutely amazed by this series and these characters, i don’t have words for how good of a time i had delving into this story. i started off loving hsin immediately and although it took me some time to warm up to boyd, he ended up being one of my absolute favorite characters that i’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. i really think boyd and hsin and their story, along with the stories of all the other amazing characters associated with them, will stick with me for a long time. anyway sorry for the long message, but i just wanted to express my gratitude for these books—they helped me out a lot mentally after everything post-2020 haha. i did have a sort of question though!! how did boyd deal with the loss of one of his eyes? did he train with hsin to help adapt? how did he deal with the insecurities and frustrations that came with that loss?

Just in case - **ICOS SPOILERS / FADE SPOILERS** :)

Hi! Aww that's awesome! I'm so happy you enjoyed the series :) And that you were able to find all the content on it right away too. It's also really cool how things shifted for you over the course of the series - because that means it did its job with showing character progression :) I mean, not that it matters if people end up liking all the characters or not - but if you start feeling one way and end another, that's awesome because it means there was character development that resonated with you in anyone and that's one of my favorite things when I'M reading a book, so it's one of my favorite things for if anyone ever reads anything I'm involved in writing. So that made me really happy to hear, thank you <3

I'm gonna put my answer behind a cut just in case for spoilers :) Hopefully this thing doesn't disallow you from clicking the Read More link which once in awhile tumblr does.

Spoilers behind cut :D

Regarding his eye, it was obviously in many ways pretty life-changing for him. Even though Boyd and Hsin by that point were much better about communicating, and Boyd would want to lean on Hsin whenever needed, although I haven't written out anything from those time periods (so it may change when/if I actually do, as sometimes the characters do things I'm not expecting) -- I have a feeling Boyd tried to kind of hide as much of the downside as he could from Hsin. Not because he didn't trust Hsin - he did, unequivocally - but rather because Hsin had seemed so regretful and seemed to have guilt/worry when Boyd first woke up and learned he lost his eye. He didn't want Hsin blaming himself for it, and if Hsin saw it upsetting him too much he would have probably worried about how Hsin felt.

It did take him time to figure out some things - his depth perception was fucked, and he couldn't fight quite the way he initially had learned because of that, along with other things. He would have let Hsin see him relearning things when necessary because that's inevitable, but he would have tried to play off anything much deeper if possible. He would have wanted to see if he could handle things on his own first (in typical Boyd style) just so he could spare Hsin extra stress. He felt like Hsin had already lost so much; it didn't feel fair to pile anything further on him.

So Hsin would have helped with some stuff when needed, and obviously I'm sure they talked about things as needed too. It's not like the topic was taboo or Boyd was super sensitive to it. As much as it sucked, it was also just a thing he had to accept. So in some ways, he kind of just rolled with it the way he'd had to learn to roll with so much else in his life.

Where it really was most frustrating and upsetting for him was the way it affected his ability to work. Even though he felt and was fully capable of many things, certain jobs just would not hire someone with one eye, period. Their rules didn't allow it, or they just chose not to, or so on. Because they had to stay on the downlow, he already had limited options in the first place, and that made it worse. Then on top of that, having an eyepatch made him more memorable. Once he eventually got his glass eye, it helped a bit with that, but he'd always had an unusual eye color so without contacts and different hair color and all that, if someone were looking for him they could still potentially track him down. Hsin was also incredibly memorable so it was a worry for him as well. Especially when you put those two together.

I don't think we ever talked about it but in my personal opinion, I would guess that they probably talked about their plans for the different cities/countries they were in, whether one or both of them would stand out more, what sorts of income they could get, what sorts of things they could do, what sort of places they could live incognito, and so on.

I have always had in my mind that there was a period of time especially early on when Boyd was still healing and getting used to things, where he (as usual) tried to push himself a little too far a little too fast but Hsin stopped him because he knew how Boyd is and he knew if he was firm, Boyd would actually listen.

So for a time, Hsin was the main person going out to do things, get money, etc. There were hours Boyd would be alone wherever they were staying, and during that time all those doubts and frustrations and anger and insecurity and fear would come in. For awhile, I think he probably even drank when he was alone. Never to an addictive level or anything; just the actions of a man who felt depressed.

I'm sure some of his demons leapt on that--telling him shit like he wasn't ever going to have more worth than he did when he was used by Cyclone, or the Agency - shit like, maybe you're never going to be anything more than a valentine/whore for money in the future anyway. If people won't see you as anything other than the parts of you, and now the parts of you that are missing more than the parts that are there, maybe it's useless to think there's anything more of value in your life. That sort of negative thought process that you know isn't true but still buries its tendrils deep inside and twists.

The thing is, Boyd never really had much to call his own his whole life that people didn't attribute to others around him - one of the only things he had was his art. And losing an eye didn't make it impossible to do art, but in that beginning stage, it just felt extra awful to have lost something so integral to the one thing he had that was his alone, that hadn't been used and abused and destroyed by other powers in his life - it felt like maybe that just went to show he didn't have value other than what others assigned to him. Which is how the valentine stuff probably came to mind - through a bit of depression and also practicality, because he knew he could make money doing that if they needed it, even though it was the absolute last thing in his life he would ever want to do. But then the guilt would come in about not being able to do enough on his own, not pulling his weight, etc etc, and then the fear associated with all of these topics, and that's how the depression would have slid in and spiraled him down.

I always imagined that Hsin recognized how depressed Boyd was, even though Boyd tried to hide it, and eventually they would have had some sort of conversation about it all.

In my mind, somehow through that and any following conversations or actions or etc, Hsin was able to remind Boyd of all the things he could do still, rather than focusing on the things he couldn't. He would have reminded him that it was bullshit to think he had no value, and as for getting denied different jobs, it didn't matter - they were in this together, they'd figure it out together. He would have been able to remind Boyd to stop taking all the shit on himself and share the burden. And that Hsin didn't give a shit about any of that stuff - Hsin saw Boyd for who he was, and he loved him for that, and nothing would ever change that. Boyd would have probably told Hsin at that point he was afraid of Hsin blaming himself when it never had been his blame to begin with, and he never wanted to hurt Hsin, and etc. I imagine he told him that, but am not sure.

Either way, it would have reignited Boyd's stubborn streak and determination, and he would have been reminded of how much they could do together as a team. And how much they loved each other. And fuck the world, who cared what other people thought? He could do whatever the hell he wanted. He'd figure it out. He always had.

From then, he would have started working on things again - figuring out ways to fight that relied more on touch so his blind spot and depth perception were less of an issue (Hsin would have helped a lot with this), and he would have started painting and drawing again. It went from his offtime from Hsin being something dark and depressing to something largely productive. Obviously everyone still has bad days, but at least he was generally on the up. And they did eventually figure out jobs he could work too, or things he could do, so he wasn't just spending all his time alone when Hsin wasn't around. And so Hsin didn't have to have any pressure on him to do things alone.

I don't remember if I ever answered this question before and if I did, it's possible my answer was a little different. I often think about parts we didn't write down and I feel like I have an idea of how it would go, but until I actually write something down I never know for sure. We never planned for Afterimage, for example - but when we went to write past Evenfall, it became clear that was a thing that was going to happen, and so it did, and then things from that affected other things into Interludes, Fade, 1/27, etc.

So it's possible if ever any of these time periods are written down that maybe my view of what I think would happen ends up being completely incorrect or off. But right now, generally speaking, I imagine it went something like this.

Sorry for the long rambly reply!

[eternalthenas]

what bothers me the most about tros and what i’m most unable to accept is how jj managed to destroy and disrespect EVERY single character. even the ones who technically had “happy endings”🤡

ben - i feel like this one doesn’t even need to be said, but i’ll say it anyways. after years of emotional abuse from palpatine, it’s disheartening to see that jj gave no explanation as to why palpatine wanted ben (personal vendetta against the skywalkers i guess??) when it semed like he only needed rey AND that ben never really triumphed over palpatine in any way. it hurts to know that leia straight up had a vision about her son’s death but that she still seemingly gave up on him despite knowing that he was struggling and that she sent him off to train to be jedi with a luke, when apparently she could’ve done that herself. it’s disheartening that luke who believed even vader could be turned back to the light also gave up on his nephew, when he was just a boy no less. it’s disheartening that although he was the last skywalker (a fact only palpatine acknowledged!), none of his family nor his namesake reached out to help him. instead of telling the last skywalker to rise, they ignored him (as they had apparently done his whole life) in favor of a palpatine. ok. even though as the last skywalker, he really should’ve been the one to have the final kill against palpatine since it was HIS family that palpatine destroyed, he doesn’t. he’s motionless in a pit for the whole final battle. ok. that will never not leave a bad taste in my mouth. his whole family (except for han apparently i love him) gave up on him and clearly so did the writers. as a fan of the skywalkers and their story, this isn’t the ending i wanted for them. especially when luke and leia and han had given their lives to see him turn to the light. and for what? so he could be used as a plot device to conveniently bring rey back to life and then promptly die (even though they’re a force dryad and, according to jj’s own fucking canon, supposedly one) without any fanfare, emotional reaction whatsoever, or later mention? wtf? it’s disrespectful not only to ben solo, who is easily the best character in the sequel trilogy and one of the best characters in ALL of star wars, but it’s disrespectful to the entire skywalker line!! (and to adam driver, who deserved so much better than this shit. go get that oscar)

rey - by making her a palpatine, jj completely disregarded her arc. whatever your opinions about rey nobody, once they went with it, they never should’ve retconned it and turned her into a legacy character in the final film. it felt cheap. in my theater, there was no cheering about this reveal. because jj had never properly set it up and he didn’t even bother to reveal it an impactful way. but what’s most annoying about rey suddenly being a legacy character is that it completely disregards the fact that she was powerful on her OWN, without any famous blood making her that way. furthermore, by turning her into the chosen one and giving her the entire skywalker legacy (which felt like a slap in the face to the skywalkers imo), she did turn into a mary sue, one of the biggest complaints about her since day 1. she was overpowered, morally perfect, and never faced any failure. i struggled to root for her as the “hero” because i felt everything was handed to her on a silver platter. so not only did jj turn her into a mary sue and take her power away from her by turning her into a legacy, but he also destroyed the fact that her whole arc had been “seeking belonging” and a family. rather than having her final scenes be with her new found family, she ends the movie with her canon soulmate dead and no one but a droid by her side on a desert planet of all places. to add further insult to injury, she also disregards her family name even though they supposedly loved her and sacrificed themselves for her (despite the fact that they sold her but whatever) in favor of a last name of a guy she had barely known. she had more emotional connection to han or leia, but she didn’t take their last name. she took luke’s, the guy who had refused to teach her and who she had come to view in a more negative light towards the end of tlj. in this house i will not EVER be calling her rey sky- i can’t even say it🤢

finn - in all honestly, they screwed finn’s character arc in episode 1 when jj turned him into a lovesick sidekick who served as comedic relief. as a deserted stormtrooper, he could’ve had the most interesting storylines. and he should have. but apparently the writers forgot about him. although they mention his past BRIEFLY, it’s paid no real weight or attention. instead, he spends the whole movie once again trying to (possibly) confess his feeling for rey. and for what? probably just to bait finnrey fans and prove the character’s heterosexuality bc it goes absolutely nowhere. although we find out he’s force sensitive, that too is glossed over and has no lasting effect. he’s also made co general, which okay cool, but then he does nothing?? so while finn could have and should have been a main character with an interesting storyline, they turn him into your average run of the mill action hero with an occasional quip. john boyega, sweetie, i’m so sorry (but i guess that’s kind of what he wanted since he hated tlj, the only movie where he actually had a main role with any character growth?? idk)

poe - it’s once again evident that they originally intended to kill off poe bc he has no arc whatsoever. he gets a little backstory as a drug smuggler now ig, which really came out of left field considering the already established canon with his past as a pilot. he’s more of the same in this movie, except more unlikable than usual (imo). he’s still stubborn, occasionally funny, but mostly he just bickers with rey, which isn’t funny, at all necessary, and doesn’t add anything to the “trio’s” dynamic. he’s at his best when he’s with finn but then, of course, jj has to remind us of how straight he is every single scene so. another character like finn who could have been great, but with the lazy writing, he has no arc, no backstory, no character growth, so he’s just mediocrity personified and just kind of there.

zorii & jannah - both could’ve been awesome. both are just there for a brief introduction and to help the heroes with maybe one thing and that’s it. both deserved better.

the skywalkers - yeah jj really said a big fuck you to luke, leia, and anakin most of all. the WORST part of tros is the fact that it basically makes the previous six episodes useless. anakin’s redemption arc? what does it matter now? he didn’t successfully bring balance to the force. he didn’t successfully kill palpatine. and now his entire bloodline is dead. ok cool😎 thank you jj!!!! what a hopeful end to the skywalker saga!!!! i love seeing that anakin failed and wasn’t REALLY the chosen one. i love that luke and leia gave their legacy to a descendant of the guy who tried to tear apart and terrorized their family. that’s really nice. i love that anakin NEVER reached out to help his grandson who struggled with the dark just like he did. but that he came in just in time to tell palp’s granddaughter to rise😍 really hopeful, lovely ending. thanks again jj! thanks for making leia seem like a bad mother who sees visions about her son but just throws in the towel and doesn’t really try to help him?? wtf??? not my princess leia. also tros luke? truly the worst luke. i really have no other words, i’m just disappointed. jj let me down in every single way possible and ones i didn’t even realize he could.

palpatine - jj also managed to ruin the best star wars villain, a feat i didn’t even think possible. palpatine had always seemed scary to me because of his inhuman qualities. but in this one, he’s back with no explanation whatsoever. he just is. he somehow managed to survive (ok🙄) and furthermore he had a kid. what in the fuck? jj clearly read harry potter and the cursed child, but he clearly also forgot to read the reviews. NOBODY LIKES IT WHEN THE PREVIOUSLY UNTOUCHABLE/SCARY VILLAIN HAS A KID OUT OF NOWHERE. NOBODY. i seriously spent the entire movie wondering who the heck would sleep with him? that’s it. he didn’t seem menacing or at all like a threat. this movie genuinely had no stakes whatsoever (that’s why ben’s death feels so out of left field bc literally for what?! but i digress) also the final “fight” where rey kills him??? very lame. he supposedly survived all those years to be taken out like that?? no thank you, i’d like a refund.

in conclusion, thank you to jj for ruining my favorite franchise by killing off every last one of my favorite characters, destroying the skywalker legacy (& killing them off), ruining seriously every character, and leaving me with despair!!! while i’ll continue to watch star wars without including episode 9, it sucks that some of my joy is zapped from my favorite series. because this is how future generations will know star wars. with this shitty ending. and any future movies will have this canon. and that really fricking sucks. thanks, i hate it.

anyways feel free to message if you’re also in the depths of despair about how this all ended!! bc the more i think about it, the sadder/angrier i get.

[ask-artsy-oncie]

So I’m kinda in a meh/apathetic headspace in regards to my mental health right now. Maybe it would be best to just let some thoughts out. 

Firstly, I do want to apologize for making stupid, borderline inflammatory posts and throwing them out there onto tumblr dot com, I know that’s never the best course of action. However, I really, really do not appreciate anons sending vague “are you okay”s at me. If you’re not close enough to me where you can’t PM me (relatively) face-to-face, then I really wouldn’t like random inquiries about my mental health from you. Maybe it’s just because I don’t 100% trust anons (I’ve been here for a decade, I’ve seen some shit, can you really blame me?) but I think I ought to make myself clear on that. Are we clear on that? cool. 

I don’t know... I’ve felt so lost and tired recently, moreso than usual.

I’ve always had a massive complex about annoying people, being too self-indulgent, not having good ideas or opinions or what-have-you. People who have known me for a while almost definitely know that. I don’t think it all necessarily exists in a vacuum, either I have a genuinely hard time coming up with objectively good ideas. Sometimes I’m just straight-up “head empty” mode. I’m also often really opinionated and sometimes intend to die on hills that people aren’t really meant to die on (or are even necessarily worth dying on). I can get way too wrapped up on meaningless things because my brain is too hyperfocused on this one thing, or maybe something I rely too heavily on for comfort is... I don’t know how to put it.... put at risk? Challenged? I have a lot of mental issues and real life issues, though I’m not claiming to be massively oppressed or anything, but I tend to cling to comforts a little too desperately. And I’m not just talking about like. Media. Just comforts in general. Sometimes I’ll spend too much of the day laying in bed. Sometimes I cling to old relationships or old forms of relationships or I constantly worry about the day I’ll inevitably no longer have the same relationships I have now. 

I’ve known I needed therapy for a while now. I’m waitlisted and everything, but I need to go about actually choosing a therapist to see and I’ve been dragging my feet on that so I guess that’s my bad. I’ll get to it. Shit’s overwhelming, yknow? 

Anyways I know I have a lot of these flaws and problems and I think my horrible anxieties about being too annoying and whatnot is just a really extreme form of self-reflection. Maybe. Not entirely sure. Maybe a therapist could tell me.

I get way too passionate, way too easily, and it’s almost always followed by a super intense period of shame, like, to the point where I’m desperate to isolate myself and destroy my relationships with other people, because then at least I’m actually trying to destroy a relationship by being a bad person, rather than someone leaving me for... I don’t know, being too happy? Caring too much? Talking too much? Just. Shit I have less control over. 

I’ve tried putting a cap on it, suppressing everything. Trying not to indulge too much, trying not to be so happy and talkative, straight-up deleting messages I think might be too annoying the second I send them. Trying to be inoffensive through being unnoticeable. I’m trying to do that now, honestly. It’s why I joked about deleting my blog. All it does is hurt and make me go fucking nuts because I’m bottling up a lot in doing that, I know. I’m just not fully convinced I don’t just deserve to feel that way.

There are a lot of points in my life where I’m convinced that my best course of action in succeeding or keeping people from being put-off by me is to just sit down and shut up and draw what I’m told to draw. To just completely lose my agency in drawing. It makes sense, when you feel like you don’t have any good ideas of your own, you just illustrate others’. And there are many, many points where I have done this out of a place of love. Fuck, most of what I’ve drawn for Lolly’s writing has come out of a place of genuine love, not just for her work, but for her. A lot of what I’ve drawn for Bethany (for any REAL long-time followers reading this) has been like that, too. But there are also points where it honestly just feels like my only purpose is to be a tool through which others may visualize their whims. That if I dare inject too much of myself into things, they’ll be permanently ruined. And then there’s the shame I feel in having wanted to impart a piece of myself into a work - a demerit for being too selfish or self-important to deem my whims anywhere near good or important enough to be included. 

I have so many ideas. So many opinions and thoughts and feelings and genuine insight that I’ve suppressed or deleted because I either feel like that’s what’s expected of me, or I’m straight-up told that my thoughts and opinions are bad and wrong. Like. Fuck me for having opinions on animated media levels of being shut-down. And you know, I’ve noticed something in the past decade of being an insufferable opinionated prick about things like that - that it’s actually easier for me to enjoy media when I’m allowed to be negative and critical of it. When I am allowed to just share my thoughts. And I don’t mean like, without being disagreed with, I mean like, in an environment where I’m made to feel like I actually can share these thoughts. When I can pinpoint and analyze what I didn’t like or what made me upset, it can be a lot easier for me to then move on and be able to focus on aspects that I genuinely do like. Like, holy fuck, it is SO much easier for me to pick-and-choose aspects of a certain sequel film that I actually like and feel comfortable saying I like than it was for me to do with the original, because I no longer have an incredibly toxic person in my life (or at least, in my life as much).

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had this kind of experience since then, like. There are STILL things I struggle to move past because I have been made to feel like I just can’t fucking talk about them without being insufferable (sorry if I’m overusing that word - it just feels like the best word the feeling I’m trying to describe) or just straight-up ruining something for someone I care about. Keeping shit like this in does crazy shit to me, for real, and there’s still a large part of me that tells me “Fuck you. Suck it up. None of this shit matters.” Y’know? Because in the grand scheme of things, I know it doesn’t. And then there’s the shame that comes from having cared so much in the first place. It’s a fucking cycle. There’s some shit that’s just irreparable ruined for me because of this and that SUCKS.

I don’t like losing comforts. Fuck, I hate it, really. And I’m not talking about new comforts coming along and catching my attention as an old comfort begins to wane, I’m talking like. Destroying relationships, feeling SO MUCH shame surrounding a comfort media that it’s too difficult to enjoy it no matter how hard I try, or having too hard of a time disassociating a comfort with a horrible event or person. And it’s feeling like at LEAST one of these is starting to happen to me again and Good Gods it’s just. It’s so terrifying. 

But who do I tell? When my primary worry is annoying or offending or hurting people? Y’know? I can’t just vent to one single person to this all the time, that isn’t fair. But it gets to a point where my brain tells me “No, you can’t talk to ANYONE about this because that’s rude and wrong and a true friend wouldn’t do that. There’s a reason why you can make any number of concerning posts, messages, private ramblings, whatever, and the people you’re closest to won’t ask you what’s wrong.” 

And, yeah, honestly, I do think it’s true that the people I consider my closest friends won’t read this. I actually don’t believe the average person will read this, or at least get this far. I genuinely do just talk too much and it’s a lot for most people to deal with. Otherwise, I talk too little, and probably enter the “you should be able to read my MIND” level of expectations, which, of course, isn’t far. I understand, I swear I do, it just takes some time to come to terms with every time I get wrapped up in my stupid mental stuff. And I also promise that I try to give these people the same kind of response I want, y’know? I try to look out for any worrying behavior and try to offer an ear and help in any way that I can. I don’t think expecting the same in return is fair, I just worry about any of them being like me, and I’m willing to play to that if it’s necessary. I’ll break quiet streaks for that shit, y’know?

Honestly, these stupid quiet streaks are probably more unbearable for me than they are even noticeable for most people. It sucks. I just wish my mind was normal so I A) wouldn’t have these insecurities to begin with, because B) I would never end up exhibiting the behavior to warrant such insecurities.

There’s so much shit I want to talk about, to analyze, or explore, that I want to share with the world, or at least with people I love, that I probably never will because my stupid brain has already decided that all this stupid shit is better kept to myself where it can rot and be forgotten eventually. Which is fine, in the grand scheme of things, I guess, because I functionally have never really been the guy who comes up with ideas (at least, good ideas) I’m just the pencil, the one who I guess makes things visual? I can’t even bring myself to say “I bring the ideas to life” because that’s pretentious and untrue. These ideas are already alive because they come from brilliant minds. 

I don’t even think it’s fair for me to call myself a character designer unless the characters are my own. Otherwise, I’m just following the directions of a much more competent conceptualizer (there’s a reason my characters barely have any... well, character). That’s the reason why I removed my unearned credit as the character designer for Ty from Swindle’s description, because I really don’t deserve that kind of credit. It’s why the asks about the designing process of Ty have been left unanswered, because, fuck, what do I even say? “I just did what Lolly told me to do, just like I did with all of Swindle. Please don’t give me that kind of credit, I know I falsely ascribed it to myself earlier, and I want to rectify that”? I guess I could have, actually, now that I’m typing this. But people always get fucking upset with me when I try not to take credit, even when it’s shit that isn’t mine!! So I don’t know what to do!! I don’t know what to fucking do!!! Because I just don’t fucking want to make people upset or unhappy!!!!!!!

I’m sorry, this post is too long and I’ve worked myself up and I’m no longer apathetic. I’m gonna go cry myself to sleep so big win for my complexion, honestly. 

Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I guess getting this shit out of my system is probably best to do in a big tumblr post no one will read. 

I don’t want anons about this. If I can just ask one thing. Please.

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight: Lifeuniverse42 Day 3

Author: @lifeuniverse42​

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Typically, I do a rough draft and a single editing sweep. If I'm feeling ambitious or particularly inspired, there'll be a second editing pass.

If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

I don't really have any older fics, but I'll answer this one, anyway. I feel like A Recovery Story got away from me somewhere in the middle. I'm proud of how it turned out, but I'd probably trim the fat from that one, given the choice.

What do you look for in a beta?

A healthy combination of honesty and tact. A beta who won't tell you that a passage sucks is useless. But a beta that's too critical crushes your spirit, and that's not helpful, either. Honestly, I like working with people I can get along with, and who are willing to have discussions. I'm a fandom person. In-depth discussions on character and motivation make me smile like no other.

If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Ooooh... Not written by myself? I have no idea. All of my favorites ended in such beautiful places that I don't think I could add anything to them by penning a sequel.

Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

LIBERTIES! People who write canon-compliant fics are my heroes. How do you do it? It's so impressive! I love taking liberties, putting spins onto stories. I've seen fantastic writing in both areas, but I definitely fall on the change-everything-except-characterizations side of the fence.

Talk about a review that made your day.

In this fandom, almost every single review of my work made my day. People are unendingly sweet. But the best ones were the ones that said 'I hate you for hurting me this way, but it's amazing!' or the ones that told me I'd made a difference to them. If I made someone laugh or cry, it made my day. I had a woman comment that I'd written a scene between Blaine and his mother that had felt beautifully realistic to her, and that one I held pretty close to my heart. If you connect with any part of my writing and leave me a comment saying so, you will absolutely encourage me to keep writing.

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

In this fandom, no. In others, yes. I read it, walk away, and come back later. Sometimes I respond, sometimes I don't. People can be extremely passionate about the characters in their fandoms. That leads to some incredibly sweet comments and some people who feel extremely protective of them. I've found it's best not to interact with the ones who just want to drown me in their opinions.

What advice do you have for people just starting to write?

Just write! Write badly. Write things that are hilarious and goofy. Write things that are angsty and out of control. Find a writing partner and swap paragraphs or full stories with them. Write together with friends. Write whatever you like, whenever you like. Hopefully, you'll find some amazing people through it.

Which fic do you most like to discuss with other people? Why?

I don't actually discuss my fics with very many people. If you want to talk to me about them, feel free to reach out! I love chatting about fic in general, I'm just absolutely useless on tumblr.

What's one aspect of writing fic that gets you really excited?

The interaction with the absolutely phenomenal people in this fandom. Y'all are the sweetest, kindest people on the planet. You encouraged my writing and made me better. From amazing people who offered to help me with technical content, to those who simply commented that they hate me for stomping on their hearts, I was deeply grateful for every single one of you.

[allycryz]

Fic Writer Meme

Tagged by @elveny and @kunstpause (thank youuu)

Name

Fandoms

Most popular oneshot

Most popular multichapter

Actual worst part of writing

How you choose your titles

Do you outline

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?

Callouts @ Me

Best writing traits

Spicy Tangential Opinion

Oh hey this got super long so putting under a cut

tagging all of YOU! Do it!

Name: Ally, allycryz, BountyHuntress16 on Ao3 which is a username I have carried from the early FF dot net and DA days

Fandoms: Currently writing for FFXIV, reading in everything. Do write some YYH with a friend and have written for Bioware games, MCU, DBZ (though I have not brought my DBZ fics over to Ao3) . Did some time on the Bioware kink memes back in the day (more about that later)

Most Popular Oneshot: Okay gonna do of all time and for FFXIV since FF is my current 

Of All Time (Ao3 stats only)

Tetrad: Wrote on the high of CA: The Winter Soldier which is still one of my fave movies of all time and flung myself deep into Sam/Steve/Nat/Bucky fics. Also one of the first times I let myself explore some ~*feelings*~ I’d not allowed myself to before and would not really understand for at least another 3-4 years

Also my only G-rated fic on Ao3

Current Fandom

Ardent: Around HW time I was struck by the idea of “man I would love to do a fic where Haurchefant and Nerys are trapped in a cabin in a blizzard” and I finally gave in and did it, and it sorta launched everything I’m working on now

Also the first thing I had actually finished in a long time. This year has been a year of finding ways to finish things and learning to not fall into “if you write a snippet of any other WIP then you are BAD” 

Most Popular Multi-Chapter: While I did some time on both of the big Bioware kink memes back in 2011-2013, I was more active in the Mass Effect one. A prompt caught my eye that intrigued me and I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I sat down to write and it just...poured out of me

I look at a lot of stuff I wrote in college and before and it is...honestly rough a lot of the times because college was a time of breaking away from some truly toxic and harmful ideologies. Every day I find a new pre-conception I need to shed

So I am honestly surprised that given the subject matter and my immaturity at the time, Galaxy’s Oldest Profession turned out as well as it did. I still really like it. Idk, maybe there is a reason it just...sprung out of me like it did with a bisexual heroine who wasn’t afraid of her body and her sexuality. And again, this was years before I let myself come out to myself.

Anyway that got extremely sentimental but even though a nasty, doubting part of me is worried I peaked then, I’m glad I wrote it and that people like it. (Also the Shepard in that is so different from the Paragon I played, both are extremely dear to me in different ways. I think my first tattoo will be a paragon symbol for **reasons** but this renegade-flavored Shep in the series is a part of me too.)

Actual worst part of writing: Getting started, feeling like you have a picture in your mind but what you write comes out as poo, worrying if it’s Bad Actually and you don’t realise

How do you choose your titles: Lately it’s been scouring the thesaurus for an hour and writing out about 50 titles before something clicks. I’ve gotten around the “summary problem” lately by doing a snippet in the description but titles are tough! The last one that didn’t suck was “This World of Trials” because I had the FFIII song “The Breeze” stuck in my head and it worked thematically so...picked a lyric 

Do you outline: Not formally. I have tried this for larger projects to varying degree of success. When it comes to one shots (and right now I’m pretty much doing connected one-shots or one-shots broken into chapters for readability) I usually have scenes in mind I want to do and either figure out how they connect as I go, or dwell so long mentally that I have an idea of what’s coming as I write

Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice? One abandoned WIP I don’t think I’ll return to is a cyberpunk-urban fantasy hybrid world I came up with for a McHanzo AU. Still enjoy reading about the pairing from time to time but I lost steam and haven’t picked up the game in a few years now. But maybe I’ll keep the world I made for something later?

I did have a story sorta planned for ME3 to make the Galaxy series a trilogy but the sequel, while it has scenes I love, did feel a bit of a slog at the end. Folks–and I think most of us are past this stage but just in case–it is a bad idea to put in a pairing you don’t really vibe that much with at a commenters’ request and then go back and forth with them about whether or not you are writing the character well. (Also I really had not spent enough time with Ashley to write her with confidence.)

I also had an AU idea I took a crack at where John Shepard is F!Shepard’s husband and they fell in love during the Akuze background where she saved him. Then a few years pass and she realises she has let him take all this credit for her work, thrown away a lot of her career for him, and when she is bypassed for Spectre for him...she needs some time away and takes command of a ship where she meets Garrus. But I just don’t know if I’ll write for ME again. 

Callouts @ Me: Just you know *waves vaguely at how all my insecurities and need for validation can sometimes skew how I see myself as a writer* stuff. Also try to break out of the comfort zone I have found myself in with present tense and not describing enough

Best Writing Traits: I have some fun dialogue and do my best to tap into my big emotions. Also some of my metaphors and similes are cool

Spicy Tangential Opinion: I appreciate if you like my story but please do not start with “I normally don’t like OCs.” 

[mix-feelingz]

This is something I’m still working on. Very vague and confusing and plain, if you’ve read the one I posted on archive this isn’t the sequel to that. but if you want to read this and you want it to make sense (like how they met and shit like that) then click THIS if you want to read it. Im posting this so I can get other people’s opinion on this, so to whoever is reading this please give me your ideas and criticism about my shitty writing skills. 

Again this is just a DRAFT not a sequel.

It’s been ten minutes since Izuku last turn the page on the book he was reading. His mind was elsewhere. Where you ask? Nothing much… Just the ticking sound from the clock, the sound of the piano from the speakers he usually plays whenever he reads a book and…

 The venomous uncomfortable glare he receives from a pair of crimson red eyes from behind him. He’s used to glares, as someone who’s in the mafia –the next head at that- he’s used to glares, the kind that wants you dead by their hands, though unlucky for them they’re dead before they got the chance to. But this one, this one cannot kill him no matter how much he wanted.

 Not that he couldn’t –he totally can do it, according to the information that was gathered- but he won’t. He won’t if he doesn’t want to die.

 Izuku sighed as he looked back to the man standing behind him, by the door of his room, standing guard by the orders of his over protective, doting father despite knowing he can handle it by himself no problem.

 Emerald eyes met with crimson ones, one was calm and unfazed while the other was murderous and extremely cautious. It’s been almost 2 weeeks since the blond became his bodyguard along with the other two –their names were Eijiro and Denki, they were nice honestly he prefers those two, they’re really nice unlike this angry Pomeranian.

 The blond looked like he was cautious of him. Overly cautious of him, but why? Is it because he’s the son of the boss of the family? Not likely, most people suck up to him to get a better standing in the family. Is it about that weird ability his father told him about the blond? The thing about knowing someone’s danger level by looking at them?

 Well, doesn’t hurt to ask right?

 “Katsuki,” Izuku called out, the blond flinching slightly by the sudden call after the stare off they did for a moment. “Why are you so cautious of me?” Izuku asked straight to the point.

 “Hah?”  He said, confused.

 “You’re cautious of me, why?” Izuku repeated. Good thing he has a good temper, or else he wouldn’t even bothered to repeat himself. He should be thankful he’s part of the family.

 Katsuki didn’t respond, more like thinking of what to say or maybe he doesn’t know what to say, Izuku waited, the blond definitely knows better than to ignore the next head.

 “I don’t get it.” Katsuki finally said, no longer meeting Isuku’s eyes, head hanging low and his fist clenching. Izuku raised a brow, he notices the annoyance in his tone, but still the greenette remains quiet waiting for the answer he wants.

 “I don’t get how the fuck a freckled face nerdy ass spoiled brat like you be a fucking ten!” Exclaimed Katsuki, meeting Izuku’s eyes now Izuku can clearly see it was not only caution but also frustration in his eyes.

 Is being a ten big of a thing?

 Izuku raised a brow, clearly confused about what Katsuki was saying but still offended by what Katsuki has described him as.

 “That’s judgemental of you.” Izuku said, rolling his eyes as he did. There are times when he appreciates that people think he’s weak –a lot of things go his way faster- and there are times of course it’s annoying. Reminds him of the other heads doubting him, hmm, wonder what can give them fear…

 “It’s called honesty, idiot, and I’m honest to a fault.” Katsuki said as a matter a factly.

 “Sure.” Izuku said in a dead panned tone. “Anyway, is being a ten that big of deal?” he asked, gesturing Katsuki can come near him, his neck is starting to hurt.

 “Hell yeah it’s a big fucking deal.” Katsuki said as he walked cloer, now looking down on the greenette who was still sitting on the couch, he wasn’t exactly sure what the fuck does the nerd means when he gestured him to come closer but he knows he’s not supposed to sit down, he’s still on guard duty and all. Not that he wants to sit down with him anyway.

 “Why?” Izuku asked, the blond is seriously making his neck hurt, and it’s starting to irritate him. “It’s not like I’m the only one that got a ten you know.” He asked with a raised brow.

 “That’s the thing dumbass,” Katsuki said through gritted teeth.

 “You’re the only ten I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life.”

[dvp95]

under my thumb

pairing: dan howell/phil lester rating: explicit tags: pwp, smut, d/s, power dynamics, established relationship, role reversal, dirty talk, mild degradation/humiliation (use of the word slut but like, fondly), rimming, kink exploration word count: 3.8k summary: Dan gets it. He understands why this turns Phil on every time. There’s nothing abnormal, really, about what they’re doing, but the idea of having Phil fall to pieces at his command is a dizzying one.

you can all blame @intoapuddle​ for requesting a role reversal sequel to good for you, good for you!

read on ao3 or here!

Dan is a bit of a control freak. He knows what he likes and his opinions don’t bend easily, but he doesn’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. He likes to be in complete control of his work, his public image, his own body. It’s hard for him to sit back and let other people do something that he knows he could do better.

Giving up control doesn’t always come easy for him, but sometimes he needs it.

He’s gone down the familiar rabbithole of research and given Phil the CliffsNotes version after his eyes started to glaze over. He knows the why and how of it - the release of endorphins that make his brain stop buzzing so fucking loudly, the bonelessness that comes afterwards helping him relax into sleep without overthinking everything he’s done in his life - but it’s still a comparatively new thing in their lives.

It’s not always about sex, although it tends to end in it often enough anyway. Sometimes Dan just needs to turn his brain off for a little while and do what Phil wants him to do.

Knowing when he needs it is easy enough - those times where he’s stuck in hazy listlessness and needs help pressing his reset button - and all he really has to do to instigate it is ask, “What do you want me to do right now?”

Phil always tells him. Sometimes he has to think about it first, takes a few moments to get his own head in the right space, and sometimes he’s got something on the tip of his tongue like he’s just been waiting for Dan to ask. Idle chores or self-care routines or sucking his dick, there’s always something that Phil wants done.

Today isn’t one of those days. Today, Dan comes out of the shower to find Phil laying on his stomach, face buried in Dan’s pillow. His fists are probably clenched under it and the muscles in his bare back are tense. Dan hesitates. Phil doesn’t always want company or touch when he’s having a bad morning, and he almost never wants to talk about it until he’s wrangled his thoughts into something he can put into compact words.

Dan doesn’t need to make the decision. Phil turns his face at the sound of the bathroom door closing, and he turns it towards Dan. His eyes are squeezed shut, but he wants Dan’s presence - he’d have turned away if he didn’t.

The room is quiet but for Phil’s deep, steadying breaths and the white noise of their fan. It’s a struggle for Dan not to open his mouth and break it. He could, anyway, could ask what’s wrong or tell him soothing comforts until they both fall back asleep, but Dan holds his tongue. They’ve seen enough of each other’s bad mornings to know when the time to ask is. Sometimes they slip up, and Phil hovers worriedly or Dan starts to ramble, but they don’t hold that against each other.

Dan hangs his towel up and sits on the edge of the bed. His own side of it, that Phil is encroaching upon - possibly to ground himself, possibly just to make it even more obvious that he doesn’t want Dan to leave the room this time. He brushes stray locks of hair off Phil’s forehead and leans down to press his lips to the expanse of it.

Maybe it’s silly to love the sight of a forehead so much. It’s more than just how Phil’s hair frames his face; it’s about everything that went into a decision that seems so much smaller in hindsight. It had felt gargantuan to Phil at the time, Dan knows.

He pulls back and runs his palm over Phil’s wide shoulders, wondering if it would be welcome to map the freckles on it right now.

Phil hums, and Dan can almost feel some of the tension seeping out of Phil’s skin and into his own. He drops his mouth to his favourite of Phil’s shoulder freckles and rubs his thumb in circles.

“Want a massage?” Dan asks, quiet enough that Phil could pretend not to hear him if he wanted to keep existing in silence.

“I dunno,” says Phil. The furrow between his eyebrows gets deeper and his closed eyes scrunch even more. Dan is about to ask if this is a migraine or a bad anxiety morning when Phil inhales again like he’s going to speak. Then, he hesitates. Dan isn’t always the most patient person, but he likes to think he’s got a handle on being what Phil needs in certain situations, so he keeps his mouth shut for the few beats that it takes Phil to say what he wants to.

Dan isn’t really sure what he’s expecting, but it still takes him by surprise when Phil finally cracks an eye open to look up at the general direction of Dan’s face and quietly ask, “Do you want to do that right now?”

He hasn’t asked Dan that before. They’ve joked about it in the handful of weeks that they’ve started to explore this, but Dan hadn’t been sure if Phil would actually want to take the opportunity. He suddenly understands why Phil went quiet for so long, that first time, because all of a sudden Dan has an added responsibility on his shoulders that he isn’t sure how to deal with.

It’s not a bad responsibility. Dan thinks his shoulders can probably handle it just fine.

“I think it would help you relax,” Dan says, digging his thumb into Phil’s lower back a little bit harder. “And I want to do that for you.”

Phil takes a shuddering sort of breath and nods, turning his face back into Dan’s pillow. Dan swings a leg over Phil’s hips and settles on them. The flannel of Phil’s pyjama pants feels a little strange against Dan’s naked lower half, but that’s nothing he isn’t used to. He thinks his balls will survive.

Neither of them are particularly good masseuses, but they know each other’s bodies almost as well as they know their own. It isn’t a hardship for Dan to start at Phil’s neck, where he holds so much tension, and slowly make his way down. He chances putting more pressure on Phil’s shoulders than he normally would, revelling in the muffled groan of a noise beneath him. Phil doesn’t always react well to pain, but Dan had a feeling - backed by some scientifically-dodgy articles he’d found linked in a 2013 kink forum - that he’d appreciate it now in a way he usually doesn’t. Something about the endorphins. Dan can’t remember, because his head is too full of Phil’s pale, freckled back arching into his hands as he works at the sore muscles with slightly more force than necessary.

Dan gets it. He understands why this turns Phil on every time. There’s nothing abnormal, really, about what they’re doing, but the idea of having Phil fall to pieces at his command is a dizzying one.

When Dan’s thumbs reach the base of Phil’s spine, he leans forward and presses his lips just under Phil’s ear. He feels rather than hears Phil’s breath hitch as Dan puts more weight and pressure on him. He bets that Phil can also feel Dan’s cock hardening against his lower back, considering the way he arches.

“Mm, isn’t that better?” Dan hums almost directly into Phil’s ear. He nips lightly at the lobe of it and huffs a laugh when Phil squeaks. “Nice and relaxed now, aren’t you?”

“Mhm.”

Dan digs his blunt nails into Phil’s waist and takes Phil’s earlobe between his teeth again. “Don’t think I heard you, babe,” he says. “Answer me properly when I ask you a question, yeah? It’s bad manners not to.”

A rush goes through Dan’s heady mind when Phil whines and shudders and turns his face to breathe, “Yeah, fuck, that’s. It’s better. Thank you.”

“Is this turning you on?” Dan asks. It’s not a real question. He knows the answer already.

Even if Phil weren’t literally pushing his ass up into Dan, Dan’s not stupid. He sees the flush up Phil’s neck, painting his shoulders pink with it; he knows the rattling inhales of a Phil who wants friction in any way possible and wants it impatiently. There’s just something that gets Dan’s heart rate kicking into high gear at being in a position to fully tease Phil without Phil attempting to wrestle the upper hand from him. So he has to ask.

“Dan,” Phil whines. That’s a gorgeous sound. Dan wants to hear it again as soon as it’s left Phil’s pretty mouth.

Dan lowers his own mouth to Phil’s shoulder and bites down as he holds Phil still under the weight of his body. He doesn’t remind Phil that he needs to answer the question, because Phil is a smart man.

“Ah -” Phil chokes out. His hips try to move under Dan’s, but Dan can’t tell if he’s grinding down or up. Either is unbelievably hot. “Fuck, okay, sorry, yes. Yeah. It turns me on, baby.”

It never ceases to amaze Dan how horny they still are for each other. It feels like some of it should have faded with time - and it has, sort of, in that they don’t need to jump each other every second of the day and showering together is routine and not always a prime groping opportunity - but ten years in and Dan pressing his semi against Phil still electrifies them both.

“I know,” Dan says, smug, as he kisses the shallow teeth marks in Phil’s skin. “That’s so good, saying it for me.”

Phil huffs a little laugh. For a moment, there’s a pause. Then Phil sighs. “I don’t want you to call me good,” he says, too quick like he’s got to get the words out before they run away. “Maybe another time, I dunno.”

“That’s okay. What do you want from me?” Dan asks. He noses into Phil’s neck again and just breathes with him while Phil thinks about the question.

“Just keep,” says Phil, lifting a hand from under Dan’s pillow to gesture vaguely, “doing what you’re doing.”

“Alright, lazy,” Dan teases.

Phil giggles, and Dan’s heart fucking swells at the sound. He tugs lightly at Phil’s hair to pull him up into a kiss. The angle and their smiles make it sloppier than Dan really intended it to be, but Phil is still trying to move his hips, so clearly it’s still working for him. Dan has the passive, fond thought that most things still work for Phil. When Phil makes a whiny sort of noise at Dan’s mouth leaving his, Dan decides he wants to share that thought.

“God, you’re so needy,” he says, letting affection coat his voice in the sort of sincere way he doesn’t usually like to. It feels important to do it, now, where what he’s saying might sound like a proper insult if he stays in his usual jokey sarcastic tone. “Look at you, huh? Can’t even decide what you want, but you know you want it.”

The shiver that goes through Phil’s body is much more telling than Phil’s huff of, “Shut up.”

“You like that?” Dan grins into Phil’s neck and rocks his hips to slide his cock over the heated skin of Phil’s lower back. “Course you do. Always so fucking horny, aren’t you?”

“N-not always -”

“Doesn’t matter how messy or awkward it is,” Dan continues like Phil hasn’t tried to interrupt. “You’ll still get all whiny and impatient and wet for me. I bet you’re dripping already, huh, all hard just from humping the mattress and having a naked guy on you.”

Personally, Dan thinks those are valid enough reasons to be turned on, but there’s something so satisfying about watching Phil squirm when he says it. He shifts off of Phil to work a hand into the front of his pyjama pants, feeling him up like he owns the place. Phil’s breath comes out forceful, almost like a laugh or a sob, as Dan fondles the head of his dick and hums happily.

“That’s what I thought,” he says, and Phil makes that laugh-sob sound again.

“Fuck, Dan,” Phil whines. He sounds so desperate that Dan thinks it’s probably a little sadistic how much pleasure he’s getting from hearing it. “Stop talking and fuck me already.”

“You got some nerve, talking back while you’re gagging for it like this,” says Dan. He lets go of Phil’s cock and tugs the flannels down, throwing them somewhere over his shoulder for one of them to trip on later. “Good thing you’re so pretty. Spread ‘em.”

Phil makes a noise of protest but does as he’s told, a juxtaposition that has Dan biting back a laugh as he idly plays with his own cock. He strokes with more purpose when Phil settles up on his knees and arches his back just right, still gripping Dan’s pillow like it’s a lifeline. He just looks so good like that, always does, but the fact that Dan is the one deciding when the tableau shifts is adding a layer that he didn’t know existed.

“Please,” Phil says, the word sounding a bit like it’s been punched out of him. His legs are trembling, and Dan knows it has very little to do with the fan blowing cooler air towards them.

“Since you asked so nicely,” Dan teases, settling low between Phil’s legs and nipping at the swell of one cheek. The way Phil’s muscles tense further tells him that Phil wasn’t expecting Dan to do it like this, but the cut-off whimper that comes from him is nothing but positive.

“God, Dan -”

“Look at you,” says Dan again. He spreads Phil open and licks a too-quick stripe over his hole to hear the needy noises that it elicits. “Such a slut for this, aren’t you?”

Phil groans and pushes back against him. “Yeah, fuck. Just for you, though.”

As if there was any doubt left in Dan’s mind. He chuckles and runs his tongue in circles over Phil’s hole until his shaky legs get even more unsteady. Then, Dan dips inside. The teasing, shallow ministrations have Phil practically keening, and Dan shivers.

They don’t do this nearly enough. Dan has that same thought every single time he eats Phil out - that he should really do it more - no matter how long ago the last time was. The noises that Phil always makes are breathy and slutty and usually pressed into a pillow or his own hand so Dan can’t be too smug about taking him apart so easily. Not that it actually stops Dan from being smug, of course. He thinks he’s earned the right to be smug about how good he makes Phil feel.

When Dan’s jaw needs a break from basically making out with Phil’s asshole, he trails his tongue down and gives Phil’s tight balls some much-needed attention. He can’t help but laugh at the way Phil’s whole body jerks, and he needs to pull back. He wants to watch Phil squirm at the loss - which of course he does, immediately, pushing back into nothing and whining like he’s bereft.

Dan laughs again, taking Phil’s hips in hand to roll him over bodily. He admires the way the flush has spread down Phil’s front, too, patchy and pink and beautiful, all the way to his dick. That’s got a pretty flush of its own, and Phil is so hard and dripping precome that Dan can practically feel his mouth watering.

He holds back, though, and smirks when his gaze reaches Phil’s eyes. Phil doesn’t have his contacts in, but some part of him must sense that Dan is smirking, because he groans and tries to cover his face with both hands.

“Shut up,” Phil says into his own palms.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You don’t have to. I can sense how fucking pleased you are with yourself.”

“Can you blame me?” Dan asks, running his hands over Phil’s thighs and grinning when the muscles there twitch. “You’re so fucking easy for me, babe. You’re all embarrassed and you’re still spreading your legs, because all you can think about right now is cock, huh? My cock,” he clarifies before Phil can do it for him, and affection spreads through his whole body when Phil giggles helplessly.

Phil peeks out between his fingers. He’s looking somewhere around Dan’s left ear, but the cuteness is still wildly effective.

“You gonna fuck me?” he asks, laughter lingering in his voice. “Or are you gonna make me beg?”

Dan can’t tell if Phil is joking or not, but the suggestion goes straight to his dick in any case. He bites his lip and reaches for Phil’s wrists, pulling them away from his face and pressing them against the mattress on either side of his head. He watches as Phil’s breath catches, eyes going wider at the shift in mood.

“Yeah,” Dan says, quiet. “I want to hear that.”

“Dan,” Phil breathes. He squeezes his eyes shut, like even the blurry image of Dan is too much right now. “Fuck, I wasn’t - I don’t know if I can do that. That’s, like, a lot.”

There’s a note in Phil’s voice that makes Dan soften his grip. He leans down and kisses Phil, lingering and sweet, as a reminder that this is still them, that Phil doesn’t have to perform for Dan when he doesn’t want to. He waits until Phil is relaxed and gazing up at him again before he speaks.

“That’s fine,” he says, as sincerely as he knows how. “You don’t have to.”

Phil smiles. It’s fond and familiar, and Dan can’t help but return it. This part is always a bit weird, figuring out the boundaries and sorting between what feels good because they’re horny and what feels good because they like it.

“Maybe another time,” says Phil. That’s sincere, too. Dan wants to say that Phil doesn’t need to do it for him, but this is a type of conversation that they’ve had before. Sometimes the things they do are for each other’s sake, and they have to trust that they’re not going to push themselves too far in the process.

“Sure, if you want to,” Dan settles on. He presses another kiss to the corner of Phil’s mouth. “You still want me to fuck you, baby?”

“Yes,” Phil says, quick enough that it makes Dan snort.

There’s something Dan wants to say to that, because of course there is, but he holds his tongue. Somehow, Phil always knows when he’s doing that. He squints up at Dan and then turns his face to the side. Maybe it’s easier not to look at Dan to say, “And I like… the other stuff you were saying. If that wasn’t fucking obvious. I know it’s - but, I dunno. I kind of think it’s hot when you tease me like that. So you can keep doing… that. If you want to.”

“Aw,” says Dan, unable to help himself. He noses at Phil’s jaw with a grin. “You’re so cute. Don’t worry, I know what a cockslut you are.”

Phil’s whine turns into a giggle, and Dan has to swallow the noise with his mouth.

This part is the most familiar. Dan blindly grabs around his nightstand until he finds a bottle of lube and presses two slick fingers into Phil, slow, without tearing himself away from the kiss. Phil’s groan reverberates between their mouths, and he hitches a leg up on Dan’s hip to make it easier for both of them. Dan bets that he could do this part in his sleep.

What’s new is the things he murmurs between kisses, the quiet reverence of, “Can’t believe you’re already so desperate,” and, “God, look at you, such a fucking slut for it,” and, “Bet you’d come without even getting me inside you if I touched your dick.”

Phil nods a lot, either in agreement or encouragement, and shuts Dan up with kisses when he gets too flustered. Before long, he’s rocking his hips and demanding that Dan get on with it.

Dan laughs, but he’s too turned on to draw this out any longer as it is. And as hot as it would be to hear Phil beg for his cock, there’s something even hotter about Phil getting impatient and needy with horniness and just telling Dan to fuck him already, knowing damn well that Dan is in a position where he could say not yet and Phil would just have to deal with it.

It doesn’t take long, after that. They both fall apart completely as Dan finally sinks inside, and it’s too hard to focus on the things coming out of his mouth when Phil feels so good around him and makes such desperate little noises. Maybe Dan is rougher with his thrusts and his grip than he usually is for lazy morning sex, maybe Phil is blushing and shivering more than he has since he came in his jeans during a movie marathon at his parents’ old house, but it becomes less about the teasing words and more about how good it always feels to fuck into Phil’s tight body.

Phil comes first, jerking himself off and rocking into Dan’s thrusts, and he arches prettily off the bed as he splatters both of their stomachs with it.

“Fuck,” Dan breathes. “Look at you.”

Phil bites his lip and pulls Dan down into a searing kiss so that Dan can’t keep staring at him, and Dan finds that he’s more than content with that. His mind is still running a commentary about how hot Phil looks, how good he feels, how slutty it is that he’s still letting Dan fuck him until he gets his own.

He decides to save those words for another time. Because Phil’s eyes are glazing over with the floaty contentment that Dan is getting familiar with, and coming deep inside Phil with his teeth on Phil’s collarbone will never lose its magic.

They’re breathing hard and their limbs are loose with the strength of their orgasms when Phil huffs a laugh.

“I’m not washing the sheets,” he says. “Not even if you tell me to.”

“I know,” Dan laughs. He presses soft kisses up Phil’s neck until he meets his lips again. He’s softening, but he doesn’t want to pull out of Phil yet. It just feels nice to be inside him until one or both of them can’t handle it anymore. “I don’t mind washing up. If you still want me to tell you what to do, though, I think breakfast and a bubble bath are in your cards.”

Phil’s eyes crinkle with his fond grin, and he wraps both arms around Dan’s shoulders to pull him impossibly closer. “Mm. Knew I could count on you to be in charge.”

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Not being a fan of horror movies in general, it was on a bizarre whim (mostly driven by my curiosity about any film with such a unique imprint that it is both cult and mainstream and somewhat driven by depressive dissociation that makes me avoid doing productive things) that I decided to watch Hellraiser a couple days weeks ago (this post has been getting bigger in my drafts for a while- who is keeping time in quarantine dates are arbitrary). About which I knew nothing whatsoever except that it was the thing Pinhead was from and maaaaybe something vague about the existence of cenobites in general from having seen action figure packaging. As I gather is most non-horror people’s experience with the franchise.

Anyway, I watched it and because I am a strange obsessive person I did the thing I always do, which is compulsively seek out ways to stay with an interesting/significant film to grok it better and listen to people talk about why they think it’s good, so I learnt about the sequels without watching them. Finally relented and watched first 2 and then later 3 as I got more and more sucked in to having Opinions about this property which is so totally not my thing lmao.

Anyway, in my post-tros defiance I might have been even more primed than usual for this kind of deep commitment to my brand, but it is made shockingly easy by this series to not only root for and woobieise Pinhead, but to ship him with the main heroine/closest thing it has to a consistent protagonist and needless to say I’ve fallen into a bit of a rabbit hole.

(Yes, friends, I am now going so hard that I am woobieising and shipping an edgelord horror icon with pins stuck in his face. I who am not even a villain fucker. Allow me to reiterate that it is STARTLING how easy they make it and there’s an entirely plausible leg to stand on that both are well-founded in canon. I don’t know what I expected from these movies or that character but it definitely wasn’t this. Did not anticipate, would not have imagined.)

Enormous amounts of incoherent rambling under cut

Out of the gate, none of the Hellraiser films are exactly masterpieces (I mean, I only actually watched the first three, however all reports are that they don’t get better), but they are different and interesting. I completely get why the original is considered a classic and why there are dedicated fans who want to see it taken seriously. There’s enormous potential on the table, loads of creativity and ideas, it’s just that it was never organised into something that hung together and transcended. The first one is contained and narratively solid including some symbolic depth, the second one is an ambitious mess with no plot and which completely falls apart around half way through, and the third one is goofy/not a little bit of an Americanised dumbed-down sellout but again reasonably solid.

But it never really was or became the thing I think the biggest fans saw or remember seeing in it. I’ve run across a couple people mentioning that they went back to watch them again after years and it was a very different experience than they expected from their recollection. The aspects with the greatest popularity/longevity were very minor, almost incidental elements of the original. More hints than anything fully formed. Really, I feel like this becoming a franchise was built on two things:

1. the impressive SFX, originally used to serve resonant themes and well supported by everything around it (especially the score)- the original being just a solid little movie with a very effective hook (lol, see what I did there- hooks, cenobites, get it?)

2. Pinhead.

Well, to be fair, it’s the incredibly memorable and instantly timeless character designs of the cenobites in general, with Pinhead just being by far the most compelling and the only one who’s really a character rather than a prop. He's an extremely arresting and visually interesting figure who also had all the best lines, played by an actor with more charisma in his part than anyone else in the film, and he has an enormous weight of intrigue about him.

People really wanted to see something come of this character, something to make good on the strange gravitas he has, but then it never happened. I really think that frustration is what kept this thing going for thirty years- audiences kept saying ‘more Pinhead’ and neither they nor the filmmakers seemed to know what they wanted from that ‘more’ or how to do it. Other than the tragedy of their humanity in Hellbound (almost completely wasted- the moment of connection with Kirsty is brilliant and seems so promising, then nothing comes of it but a staggering anti-climax where they all die in seconds to beef up a new villain), the vaguely suggested idea of what the cenobites are in the original film is infinitely better than any subsequent expansion on them. Although the third movie at least leans in to the pathos and nuance of the character by expanding on Elliot Spenser (the human who became Pinhead) even while eroding it by having ‘Unbound’ (aka cut off from his humanity) Pinhead become a slasher villain.

It’s all a fortuitous accident that no one ever figured out how to respond to, since Pinhead only got all the lines and became so prominent in the first place because two of the other three cenobite actors were unable to speak in their makeup. He wasn’t even conceived as the focus among the group, he became ‘Lead Cenobite’ (his credited name) because he could talk. They didn’t anticipate the way the audience latched on to him at all and didn’t plan the things which caused it. He is so striking because his look is the most uncanny (his form is most recognisably human, his mutilations are most subtle, but that makes it all the more unsettling to see this obviously living person who has quite a soft countenance and carries himself with a sort of melancholic, kingly dignity have a bunch of nails driven into his skull) and he’s so interesting because the dichotomy of that creates an immediate implication of pathos.

And I’m now experiencing enormous frustration with something that should be fucking predictable at this point, which is the mostly male, mostly powerlevels orientated online fanbase completely missing the boat on who this character is. Totally failing to pick up what was actually compelling about him or why they think he’s awesome besides his general aura of dangerous majesty, which is basically entirely a product of the actor’s stage presence and comportment in synergy with the costume. It’s not what he does because he barely does anything until the third film (which a lot of these fans don’t like anyway). Diving into various reviews and retrospectives about the franchise, I heard so many times a dude saying he hated that Pinhead was given a backstory and especially that it was implied to be the tragic downfall of a sympathetic character. They all had the same reasoning- it’s bad because ‘humanising the monster’ is bad, as it removes their threat.

Oi yoy yoooooy. Let’s break down what’s wrong with that:

a) Pinhead (and by extension cenobites in general because they are a unit in the first film) was not the villain of the story, he’s not even a villain. Frank and Julia are the villains. When the sequel was greenlit, it was intended to be Julia’s villain origin story and she was to go on to be the big bad of the series. The cenobites are neutral and operate according to rules by which no one who faces them is wholly innocent or unwilling. The only time someone opens the box with a true absence of desire (Tiffany, who solves puzzles by compulsion not conscious will), Pinhead orders she be spared without any stipulations or exchange and leaves her to wander around the labyrinth as she pleases. But you can make a deal with the cenobites even if you’re not wholly innocent as long as you are extremely careful, because they can be reasoned with. They are like very dark Gothic faeries (or maybe genies) in the original film. They are amoral rather than being evil. It’s a very ‘careful what you wish for’ kind of situation. They are repugnant in their extremity but terrifyingly recognisable, holding up a mirror to fundamentally human vice.

The cenobites actually stand between Frank and Julia and victory over good. Pinhead saves Kirsty’s life in both the original and the sequel. These movies aren’t ever the most coherent even at their best, so it’s fuzzy, but he even says ‘this is not for your eyes’ to Kirsty before they reclaim Frank. Which implies he actually values her remaining innocence and wouldn’t have her traumatised (yes, they then go after her, I did say this movie isn’t super consistent- but one could argue they think she reneged on her deal by saying she won’t give them ‘the man who did this’- which she still thinks is her father at that point, and also that they never actually promised her anything). The cenobites aren’t here to rip up innocent victims, they expand the awareness of consenting burn outs for whom there are no other thrills left. I understand in the original novella there’s a much stronger element of ‘are you sure you want this?’ before the chains come out. Either way, the overall momentum is that they don’t do anything to people who don’t summon them or call to them in some way. Kirsty was curious and knew the box was dangerous, so there was both knowledge and desire involved in her solving it.

(BDSM is icky icky nope, one of my biggest squicks, but this movie has nothing to do with real life subcultures or the practice of real fetishes- it’s a fable about vice and how it can consume us. Frank is a sociopathic hedonist in pursuit of ultimate pleasure, Julia is so self-absorbed and bored with her life she’ll do anything to get back the thrill she got from Frank, Elliot was a soldier traumatised by WWI who turned to novel corporeal experiences in attempt to feel anything- to believe he was alive [this is implied, not fully spelled out but I am inclined to read Elliot as tragic because even Julia is a nuanced character with whom we can empathise during her downfall so it would be consistent and because he is infinitely more interesting that way]. The attractive quality of the cenobites is their representation of taboo in abstract, of liminal experience and arcane knowledge, not any expectation that one would actually enjoy having hooks through one’s face and find that appealing. To me it’s obviously not about anything so literal as something you might actually do in real life. Which is why it was silly for BDSM ‘lifestyle’ people to be offended by it or say it’s a negative portrayal. It’s not a portrayal, it has nothing to do with them. It’s not a condemnation of your gimp outfit, it’s dealing with universal primal themes with heightened stakes. One of the writers and the actress who played Julia both said the same thing.)

b) Literal monsters are never as scary or as evil as humans. It’s not the cenobites and their strangeness you have to fear most, but the very familiar and mundane sins of humanity- lust, greed, selfishness, gluttony, etc. Again, Frank and Julia are the villains. Julia is the really horrifying element of the film because she is a normal person who becomes so profoundly corrupted that she starts enjoying hammer murders for their own sake, and what makes it scary is that she is at first somewhat sympathetic. We’re with her, in her pov, for quite a bit of the film. This is the effectiveness of well-written horror (horror which creates an atmosphere of dread around a story we’re invested in rather than just throwing out cheap jumpscares and gore), it puts you in an emotionally uncomfortable position as a viewer, so that you are in a state of constant tension.

c) One of the most unique and fascinating things about these films is their surprising empathy and indulgence in romanticism. Humanising monsters and monsterising humans is the DNA of this universe and that’s exactly why the first two films stood out so much. It’s not a flaw! It’s why we’re still talking about it! If not for romanticism and pathos, it would be a boring little cautionary tale about obsession. Gothic romance and tragic monsters, grotesques, the B&tB element??? it’s all part of the backbone and is strongest in the original two films! for real!!!! all the human villains are in love. they all wax poetic about the beauty in ugliness. the heroine shows the monsters their lost humanity!! Pinhead elects to save her even before being stripped of his supernatural powers and turned physically human- meaning it’s not as simple as him being split into two halves (where only the entirely human version of him would care about her) or just human solidarity on his part. There is something personal and special in how he treats her compared to any other character who solves the box. He has always liked her.

Then these grim, bloody horror movies throw me the weirdest bone in the second and third films. So I was just interested in the first film as a notable moment in cinema and had a vague curiosity about its concepts. No actual emotions about it except as noted. I was general audience and my thoughts were basically that, although it was a fun little British horror movie with fairly strong character work, the popular appeal was almost entirely based on how cool the cenobites look. Everyone being most attracted to Pinhead because he looked coolest and he spoke and had this tremendous presence. That was where I was at as well. But my love of behind the scenes info got me watching sequels and BRO- Kirsty, the heroine, discovers a picture of Elliot in his army uniform in Channard’s collection of Research Material. She finds him familiar, pockets the picture, and at some point either then or later realises that he is Pinhead. Already my ears have perked up because the fact that she can recognise him is indicative of unexpected attention to his face on her part (because he is not easily recognisable as the same person at all).

And, armed with this picture and this knowledge, she eventually tells him who he is (the cenobites were not even aware they were once mortal and didn’t remember their human lives). He then fights on her behalf before being gradually depowered to human, sharing a moment with her as the man she freed, and finally sacrificing himself to allow her to escape. That’s movie 2.

Hell on Earth (movie 3) has the entire plot being about his humanity as essential to balancing the power/appetite of the thing he became. So now his worst instincts/pure appetite is walking free without his conscious mind to control or temper it. The ‘ordered’ part of him which followed rules and just had a job to do came from him being human. Not sure what the implications are on that, that’s the opposite to how things usually work in these stories- humans are always free will/chaos and the supernatural entities are bound by rules. Anyway. He’s separated into ‘Unbound’ Pinhead and the ghost of Elliot. 

Tragically, Kirsty is not in this movie and thus is not the one who gets to meet his ghost (which, interestingly, seems to be the complete person Elliot was in life- apparently nothing in the cenobite part of him is essential to his personality or being, Unbound Pinhead is just his physical body animated by accumulated bad juju), talk to him, and eventually restore him to one piece, but I’m still into it as a concept (and I like Joey from Hell on Earth, she’s a decent character, it would just mean so much more if it were Kirsty). Despite the rejoining scene being quite awful and then undermined as pointless because he just keeps on being evil (or maybe they haven’t fused yet and both wills are battling it out in there temporarily- did I mention these movies aren’t super coherent a few times already?), the basic idea is there. Huge thematic potential.

And I feel like the vibe of Gothic Romance was pretty blatant and intentional in Hellbound (#2) when Kirsty reminds him of his humanity. He fights and then dies for her, after all. They give him a real, full-on Hero Shot both when he fights as a cenobite and especially after he’s become human and decides to go down with a weapon in his hand. And the look between Elliott and Kirsty before he's killed contains novels imo. That five seconds is the most interesting thing in this entire franchise for me, I would absolutely not have watched more of the films or spent however long rambling here about it if not for that moment. The latest sequel which shouldn’t exist did do one great thing for the world (the world in this example being me) and that’s have him end up human again at the end. Which led to this fanfic, which is the spectacular domestic angst hurt/comfort I needed and need right now.

But Hell on Earth seems to be very much romanticising him deliberately as well. I’ve seen someone claim it was originally written for Kirsty and there would have been a ~vibe between she and Elliot, possibly a kiss. I do not know if any part of that is at all true, but I wouldn’t be super shocked if it was. It’s not implausible. In fact, I find it very plausible. That’s the size of the B&tB monstershipping bone this franchise has unexpectedly thrown me: I could believe it of them to go there. (Apparently they do kiss in a vision or something in one of the comics but the plot and characterisation of the comic continuity also sounds completely off the rails awful so I will not be reading those.)

(Sidebar: The funniest shit I’ve ever heard was from a video about the Kirsty/Pinhead(and/or Elliot) ship wherein it was noted some people object to it because of the age difference.

The age difference.

So, we live in a world where purity wankers can watch and enjoy a Hellraiser movie but are worried about an age difference being problematic. Not his being an amoral genie from the pain dimension covered in mutilations and in the habit of torturing people, but being older than her. Hellraiser has multiple skinless people, flesh vampirism, dudes getting torn apart by chains, a super molesty uncle who wants to rape his niece, murder, sadism, etc. But an age difference is problematic. And which age difference? Because I bet you three million dollars they don’t give a fuck that Elliot/Pinhead is over a hundred years old in the context of the story (he is a WWI solider who became immortal, I remind you). It’ll be about the physical age difference between the actors. Anyone who brings this shit up is always completely predictable and completely shallow. I don’t know what their age difference actually is (it doesn’t look that big lmao, it never even occurred to me to wonder), but she’s definitely an adult so there is no possible scenario in which it matters.

Honestly though. Imagine being okay with this franchise in general and then trying to play the ~problematic age difference~ card. Kirsty feeds her douche husband and four other people to Pinhead in one of the latter day DTV sequels (not literally- he does not eat people. Feel like I should note that for anyone who isn’t familiar still reading this out of morbid fascination with my descent into madness).

Okay, I looked up the actors- they’re only 12 years apart LMAO who cares. Weak.)

Speaking of which (his popularity). Why are people so down on Hellraiser 3 (Hell on Earth)? Pinhead’s OOC behaviour is explained (to the extent than anything is ever explained in this universe) and his character is actually deepened (which people complain about more than the fact that he’s unhinged and Evil McEvilface? which thing actually bothers you, I’m confused? either you like that he’s not a monster or you don’t- everyone says the first two are the only good ones but Pinhead was humanised and made tragic in the second one, he also sacrificed his life to save Kirsty and they ALSO say the third one is lame because he’s made into a slasher villain without nuance??), but I see so much complaining about the less serious tone and wisecracks etc. Meanwhile. Hellbound has even more puns/dumb villain wisecracks than Hell on Earth does.

Channard is non-stop ludicrous as soon as the tentacle attaches to his head. And Hellbound also has not one, but two big floppy anti-climaxes and is narratively entirely pointless. 3 is a much better movie. Yes, Hellbound had tonnes of interesting ideas and evocative visuals, but it doesn't actually make any sense and there's no arc for anyone. There’s no plot, there’s no conflict which gets resolved unless you count the brief moment Channard enjoyed being a classic cenobite before he was taken over by the giant prehensile penis. What the fuck was that anyway? Who knows. Nothing about it is ever explained. The tentacles were also shown pounding the nails into Elliot’s head in Pinhead’s origin montage, so one imagines it must be Leviathan. But why would Leviathan take over Channard directly and why would it cause him to become an Austin Powers villain? When the original cenobites fight him, does this mean they are rebelling against Leviathan itself?

Like, someone who thinks this movie is a masterpiece should really try to make an outline for what the fuck it’s about, because it makes no sense even on a solely thematic or symbolic level.

I think that while Hell on Earth is far, far more pedestrian than the first two films and much less thoughtful, it's pretty much on par in regard to execution. The rich atmosphere and striking novelty of the original hugely elevated it, but it's rough in a lot of ways. The bad dubbing, the weird pacing, characters behaving bizarrely to make the plot work, massive logic holes you actually notice while you're watching (if you don't notice them until the third time, then they don't matter- but if you're asking 'wait what?' and thinking about that instead of being engaged in the story then it does matter), some cheesy dialogue, some weak blocking of scenes, how blasé the cinematography sometimes is, etc. What was brilliant about it was its ideas and its visuals, what made it stand out was that it was doing something radically different than its contemporaries. Hell on Earth abandons the serious dramatic tone and becomes more bog standard horror schlock with bog standard set pieces, but its plot and mythology makes just as much sense and the production aspects are just as good or better if less ambitious and less inventive.

I don't find it worse as a piece of entertainment, just commercialised and gentrified to the original's organic auteur flavour. Clunky, creaky creative vision from an artist is preferable to a sleeker, more soulless product, but Hell on Earth isn’t a soulless product imo. It legitimately tries to do something cogent and worthwhile which shows a love of the material, it makes an effort with its characters, it just lacks in execution. It lacks finesse, strangeness, and subtlety in a really big way.

You know, the super try hard ‘I’m so edgy’ church scene (which is dumb on numerous levels), the lametastic and instantly dated ‘modern’ cenobites, the heavy metal club, the crassness of it in comparison to the more elegant, seductive qualities of the first two. etc. etc. Those things drag it down. The bungled writing and terrible visuals of the final showdown with Unbound Pinhead drag it down (I’d argue the original suffers similarly and Hellbound even more so from illogical, dorky climatic showdowns- honestly what bothers me about Hell on Earth is the goofiness of the visual more than anything else- the climaxes of the first two were dramatically empty added action where this one actually had a lot going for it, but they shot it so badly and the special effects are both badly conceived and badly executed. Why shoot Pinhead in an extreme close-up fish eye lens?? Why make a horrible blob morph?? looking regal and dignified is at least 75% of his effectiveness as a character!!). But it hangs together and flows well. It doesn’t bore me and only left me asking ‘what?’ once or twice instead of fairly regularly. In Hellbound you ask ‘what?’ approx once every other scene if you pay too much attention.

There’s no consistency to this shit. Whatever. Anyway. They’re still trying to do a remake and I’ve never heard anything so ill-advised and utterly pointless. What worked and created something special wasn’t the raw material from the story, people don’t remember the film for its plot and don’t want to see that story executed better or with ‘better’ modern effects (not that it would be better, it’ll be all CGI and have infinitely less impact- the original works because it’s visceral, tangible, fleshy). There’s only one icon from this franchise and he can’t be replaced because it was the marriage of actor and image which created him. The scripts never really understood the character’s final form and it’s already been demonstrated that anyone else in the costume looks like they’re playing dress up and is instantly rendered ridiculous when they speak.

What was needed was a better sequel with a meaningful story that did the character justice so the audience could feel satisfied the opportunity was seized and the most was made of him, and that tragically never happened. 2 and 3 make some effort, but the scripts just aren’t there. Then, no one after that ever considered trying to create closure for Kirsty or giving some kind of emotional throughline to the actual Hellraiser narrative with the only other remaining OG- the one who has the special relationship with Pinhead. Instead they just threw him into unrelated horror scripts haphazardly because people wanted to see him.

There’s absolutely no profit in going back to the beginning and starting over now, the thing that had so much potential and deserved to be explored won’t be there.

And in meaningless observations I must put somewhere lest I continue to think about them for the rest of my natural life: it’s weird that the most popular official art of Pinhead is apparently from early proof of concept photos they did when they were still figuring out the make up. I know this because he has blue eyes in it instead of the black sclera contact lenses he has in the movie. Those pictures were used for the sequel promo as well! The cover of the sequel OST is a different photo also without contacts, at least three notable posters are therefore from those concept pictures. No one who shows those photos in their videos about the series has ever mentioned this, so I feel compelled to mention it.

(I would guess it must be because they had no idea he was going to become the face of the franchise and so didn’t have other promo pics prepared/money to do a new shoot when the audience decided who the poster boy should always be. They were making the sequel before the first film even came out, so they didn’t know the reaction until production was well underway. Still, you’d think in making the film’s main theatrical poster they would have rectified this jarring inconsistency. It’s wild to me it was used not only for the original, but the sequel. It’s so noticeable! Those black lenses aren’t subtle!

Actually wait, I was going to add images here to show the nobody who will read this wall of text how noticeable it is and discovered a sequel promo pic without contacts that was definitely shot for the sequel because it has the female cenobite played by a different actress. The plot thickens on this completely trivial and uninteresting mystery no one but me will ever care about. So idk, maybe they lost the contacts? Why do I want to know? I want to know.)

Anyway look:

Super noticeable, right? His real eyes are such a pale blue, it stands out even more than it otherwise would. I was like ‘why does that famous poster image look so strange to me now that I’ve seen the film...? oh!’ and then became desperate for someone else to point it out lmao. Yes, I am crazy, why do you ask.

And the other one is that there’s something wrong with his makeup in Hellbound during the scene where he gives Kirsty the pyramid version of the box. The prosthetic is super thick/maybe not applied properly? around the jaw and it bothers me every time someone shows clips from that part.