#sephiroth variety pack

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

good fucking god get a load of these chumps

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

oomf said the theater lost their shit with kadaj's stupid ass "yeah 😈" after the materia explanation scene. funniest god damn movie on the planet

Back from my thrice annual viewing of my favorite movie Advent Children 🥹

The editing is atrocious. The symbolism is on the nose. The moral is contrived. And nothing will give me more serotonin than Yazoo’s jumpscare HEHE when he tackles a man out of a helicopter 😍

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #48

I did it!!! I finally did the thing!! I did it with help!!

Look!!!

I took a broken Dance Dance Revolution (DDR for short!) pad, which wasn't a very good pad to begin with for a variety of reasons, and turned it into a DDR pad that actually works!! I'll show you how!!

There were a lot of steps involved with this, but obviously, the very first step was to take the broken DDR pad apart and figure out how it works:

As it turns out, on the inside there are two sheets of plastic with conductive paint on the inside. When the conductive paint on the top sheet touches the conductive paint on the bottom sheet, a button press is recorded! A thin foam sheet with holes perforated in specific spots is put in between the two sheets of plastic, such that the conductive paint only touches if you step on certain parts of the pad.

The pad was broken because the plastic sheeting with the conductive paint ended up being crunched up in certain spots, which made it more difficult for the paint to conduct properly. After taking the pad apart, my husband and I used packing tape on the sides of the sheets without conductive paint to smooth out the wrinkles and reinforce it.

When the crunched-up sections were able to lie flat in a satisfactory fashion, I then used a staple gun to affix the bottom plastic sheet to a very sturdy piece of board. From there, it was time to reapply the foam in the correct orientation. That was also stapled down. Then finally, I aligned the top sheet of plastic with the bottom sheet (the foam was slightly translucent even in the parts without holes, so this was relatively easy), and stapled that down, too. Here was the result:

After that, you have to protect it with the sturdy plastic cover. I wanted a pad where the arrows were slightly raised, and I wasn't going to use the foam bottom of the pad for anything, so I cut little squares in the shape of the arrow buttons and applied them to the bottom of the plastic cover, like so:

And then I flipped it over, aligned it with the plastic sheeting, and stapled it down!

And do you want to know what??? IT WORKS!!! So far, it works better than any other pad I've ever owned, and that includes my old RedOctane that gave out after 10 years of heavy use (RIP, my trusty RedOctane; I miss you dearly).

DDR is a very old game at this point, so they don't make high quality pads like the ones RedOctane used to make anymore. RedOctane as a company no longer even exists. It's a real shame.

Anyhoot!! I went and played one of my favorite DDR songs on Stepmania, on Expert level difficulty! The timing of this pad couldn't be better (though I wish I could say the same for my stamina at this point, hahaha!), and despite the fact that I am very much not used to this kind of exercise anymore, I still managed to get an A!

And the best part about it is that it's HEAVY. The wood that the pad is stapled to is fairly weighty!! This means it doesn't slide around on the floor all crazy when I am using it, and that's a HUGE bonus!! I've sprained ankles in the past from mis-stepping on a thick foam pad that moved without me realizing it while I used it, and goodness me, such an occurrence is NOT a fun time!!

Now that I have a pad that works properly and a funky green half-oval that can stick my ribs back together after the fact, I'm hoping to be able to play more DDR in the very near future! Maybe if I can get my stamina back and start playing on Expert mode all the time again, I'll even record a little video for you of me derping around on my Frankenpad! It'll look ridiculous, but it'll be fun!! Hahaha!

I'm really pleased with how this turned out; it works a lot better than I expected for a first attempt at trying anything like this! I'm hoping to make another one! If I do this again in the near future, I should do a better job, because next time I'll have a better understanding of what to do and what to expect! Then I can play with multiple people at the same time!! And that would be amazing!

Have you ever built anything cool? Heck, have you built anything that you think is uncool? If you have, then I wish you could tell me about it! I suppose I'll have to settle just for asking without ever receiving any answer, hahaha... Oh well.

I think I'll end this letter here for now. As you might expect, my grip flexors are VERY angry with me right now because repetitive uses of the staple gun is not something that squishy noodle-arms like mine are accustomed to, hahaha! Also, I moved around a lot, both for the construction of this and for testing it, and so my ribs are pretty angry at me, too... Sheesh...

I'll work at getting my stamina back so that I can send you a neat video. Count on it, okay?

Please stay safe until then. Remember you are loved. Remember that you are human. Make good and kind choices. Take nice care of yourself. And if you can spare the time, maybe try to see what sorts of things you can build, even if it's something silly like a little person made of sticks and twine. Building things is good for humans; it doesn't have to have a use.

I gotta rest now. I promise I'll have a bunch of amazing pictures to share with you tomorrow (but I'm not gonna tell you what they are gonna be pictures of!! I'm gonna leave you in suspense!!! NEENER NEENER NEENER!!! Hahahaha!), so just you wait...

I'll write to you again tomorrow. So don't disappear anywhere, okay? Promise me.

Your friend, Lumine

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Final Fantasy VII Review

 Year: 1997

Original Platform: PlayStation One

Also available on: PC, PlayStation Store

Version I Played: PlayStation One

Synopsis:

The Shinra Electric Power Company rules over the city of Midgar, and the eco-terrorists AVALANCHE stop at nothing to try and prevent the life essence of the planet from being used as energy. Barrett, leader of AVALANCHE, hires a mercenary named Cloud Strife for their bombing mission on a Shinra Mako Reactor. Cloud doesn’t care much for the greater cause and only wants his pay. But then, after a mission goes awry, he meets Aerith, a flower girl who is the descendant of the Ancients. He quickly finds himself wrapped up in the greater conflict against Shinra.

 Gameplay:

Final Fanatasy VII utilizes magic spells via Materia – little orbs that come in a variety of colors pertaining to the natural elements. You can mix and match them on your weapons and equipment, which gives you access to different spells and stats. All your equipment varies with the number of slots for how many Materia orbs you can put in. Leveling up not only upgrades the character but the equipped Materia as well.

 Final Fantasy VII also uses an ATB system but is known for introducing Limit Breaks – finishing moves that build up after the character gets hit over time. Final Fantasy VI had a prototype called Desperation Attack – but it was very rare as it only appeared when your character had 1/8 of their total HP, and there was a 1 in 6 chance of performing the Desperation Attack after selecting Attack. I actually had no idea that was a thing until long after I finished the game, and never experienced it when I played Final Fantasy VI.

Graphics:

Out of all the Final Fantasy games, I have to say that this one has not aged well. It has the worst graphics of the entire series. The battle and cinematic graphics are passable.

(Most of the graphics power seemed to be put in Tifa’s, uh, bosom.)

But the characters in towns, the overworld, and in-game cutscenes are incredibly blocky. PC versions are supposedly sharper, but the PlayStation One version makes it nigh impossible to see any facial expressions. 

The graphics are definitely a product of its time. I always say that the beginning of 3D gaming was essentially like puberty – awkward and full of zits. It wasn’t yet at that stage where it could be aesthetically pleasing. We marveled about it when it was first released, yes, but then we cringed in retrospect.

The environment backdrops however are probably the strongest points, where they capture the industrial nature of Midgar, the reactors and other such buildings.

Story:

Final Fantasy VII became legendary the minute Square released it. Every aspect was memorable. Part of it could be due to the fact that it was the first Final Fantasy game to enter the 3D realm. Another part was Tetsuya Nomura’s character designs, which hit the cool meter to the point of sub-zero.

 The cinematics blew our minds. The opening action scene with Cloud, Barrett, and the rest of AVALANCHE attacking Shinra’s mako reactor is the most memorable opening to a Final Fantasy game. Period. Final Fantasy games really do know how to start at the right spot, no matter how good or bad the overall game is. The opening is always the best part.

Then there was the motorcycle chase. Cid’s airship. The gun fights. Battles with Sephiroth. The extra stuff to find, like summons and extra bosses. So much was jam-packed into the game.

 But the story was the primary factor in making VII famous. It’s definitely one of the better ones. Man, the story became so famous that even gamers who haven’t touched a Final Fantasy game knew the major spoilers. It is the equivalent to knowing Darth Vader’s line, “I am your father” without having actually watched Star Wars.

Aerith (Aeris in the English releases) Gainsborough – the innocent flower girl who holds the secrets of the Ancients – develops a romance with Cloud and fucking dies at the end of Disc 1 by the main villain – Sephiroth. The scene shocked everyone and practically made headlines. Everybody has seen the horrible image in one way or another.

It seems to me that since Final Fantasy V, the stories have gotten more and more used to main character deaths, ultimately transforming into a heavy-hitting TV series rather than simply a video game series. In other words – it matured. Looking back, Final Fantasy IV appears to be child’s play and a prototype of later dramatic storylines with fully realized worlds.

 Final Fantasy VII was also the first Final Fantasy game to create a world much like ours – one with cars and trains and airplanes and machine guns and even cellphones. The main city of Midgar reflects industrialization at its worst, with miles of slums and claustrophobic cities. Shinra Electric Power Company is a reflection of capitalism at its worst - a single entity in charge of so much that it’s pretty much the government. For the first time in a Final Fantasy game, you play as characters who dance between the morally ambiguous line of terrorism and activism. Funny enough, the theme of neglecting the planet resonates with us now more than ever. This game ended up being rather prophetic about the uncontrollable growth of corporations.

While the story is memorable with many intriguing elements, the plot itself is a tangled web. In my opinion, they really hashed in so many things that it’s easy to forget crucial details. It’s not straightforward, but at the same time everything does connect by the end. While Shinra is the driving force as a whole as the villain, Sephiroth takes over, then you learn about his backstory and then with the evil scientist Hojo and the extra-terrestrial Jenova and then “Weapon” and then the planet’s history and this and that and the other thing.

If I were to put Final Fantasy VI and Final Fantasy VII together and contrast them, as many gamers do, I would find that Final Fantasy VII is the summer blockbuster and Final Fantasy VI is the Oscar winner. Final Fantasy VII started introducing the sappy romance subplot to the series. A love triangle forms among Aerith, Cloud, and Cloud’s childhood friend Tifa. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with having a love triangle, the writing is like watching middle schoolers trying to express their feelings. Final Fantasy VI and Final Fantasy IV treated any romance with dignity and realism.

But maybe I’m being a bit harsh. After all, Cloud Strife did go through some suffering as an adolescent. His backstory clearly drives his antisocial behavior, so that becomes a good arc. 

The goofiest but memorable part of the story deals with Don Corneo and Wall Market and running around store to store doing tasks in order to free Tifa from Don Corneo. It ends with Cloud needing to cross-dress as a woman to get inside Don’s mansion. Because, you know, it’s not like Cloud can just break in with his sword and Aerith’s magic or anything like that. But whatever. It’s anime.

The recent Final Fantasy VII Remake for the PS4 seems to streamline the story, and actually enhances the emotions they were trying to deliver in the original. I will be talking about the remake in a separate post altogether since I’m almost done with it at the time of this writing. But there’s a lot that I want to say about comparing and contrasting the remake and the original.

The latter half of the plot takes a couple weird turns. At one point, Cloud became catatonic and confined to a wheelchair.

That part of the game became the sluggish part for me. Sephiroth also tries to confuse Cloud, which confused me. Cloud apparently suffers from some alternate subconscious mumbo-jumbo and like. . .ungh. I get an aneurysm thinking about it sometimes.

Complicated plotlines like Final Fantasy VII start showing up from here on out in the Final Fantasy series. The trend of bishonen characters also begin here, bishonen being the Japanese term for “beautiful boy.” Cloud and Sephiroth have that look. The series starts hashing in sappier romances and much more of an anime feel.

Final Fantasy VII ultimately marked the start of a new era for the series – introducing both cool and overused tropes.

Music:

Hands down the best Final Fantasy soundtrack of all.

The entire soundtrack of this game is memorable. The opening tune, with its light twinkle when the stars show up, is enough to make any gamer know exactly what that’s from.

With a story set in a more modern world, we have music that is more modern. After Final Fantasy VI had a more serious and operatic score, Uematsu displayed his love of progressive rock here. The motorcycle chase incorporates a lot of synth, which was fitting for zipping through the streets of Midgar. However, Final Fantasy VII is the first Final Fantasy game without that familiar starting bassline for the battle them. The battle theme is instantly recognizable but also radically different from its predecessors. It’s dramatic and displays danger.

Meanwhile, the boss theme is one of the best boss themes in the series, or any video game really. It’s an electrifying progressive rock piece, and it’s my personal favorite boss theme.

 The more instrumental pieces are somber, given the dreary atmosphere of the planet. The world map music is very different from its predecessors. It’s romantic one moment, soaring the next, and then dips into foreboding terror. I guess that sums up the story of Final Fantasy VII.

And we cannot leave out One-Winged Angel, which I will talk about below.

Notable Theme:

Without a doubt, One-Winged Angel – played during the terrifying final battle against Sephiroth – is the most memorable piece of music in Final Fantasy VII.

It may very well be the most popular song of the entire series. Nobuo Uematsu was inspired by Stravinsky’s Rite of Spring. It’s a whopping 30 something minute classical piece. If you look it up on YouTube and browse through it, you can definitely note the similarities. However, Uematsu didn’t want some boring classical introduction to the piece. He wanted to add the destructive impact of rock. The theme has a very distinct stamping-your-foot-down quality to it.

I had noticed a certain piece-by-piece feel of the song and that’s exactly how Uematsu composed it. This is the only song that Uematsu has composed where he created several tunes in his head and then rearranged them to make a single comprehensive song.

If you want to get technical, One-Winged Angel is the first Final Fantasy song with lyrics. The chorus sings in Latin about Sephiroth’s burning anger, with some lyrics actually taken from the medieval poem Carmina Burana. It sounds fantastic when fully orchestrated.

In Advent Children, the animated sequel to Final Fantasy VII, the music is accompanied by hardcore metal. This new rendition really illustrates the destructive power of Sephiroth. Uematsu changed the lyrics for Advent Children. They are more original now. I specifically noticed the lyrics “Veni, veni, mi fili”, which translates to “Come, come, my son.” Sephiroth is inviting you so he can kill you.

 Uematsu has stated that the original orchestration didn’t sit well with him. As I suspected, Advent Children’s hardcore metal version is the one he preferred, the one he would have composed had he the technology at the time of Final Fantasy VII.

Verdict:

Another must-play for any RPG fan, even if you think it’s overrated. It’s a must-play because of its popularity, in the same way that people are wide-eyed when you say you haven’t seen Star Wars or such-and-such other popular movie. It’s a whole lot of fun, especially in the scenes that involve other forms of gameplay, such as the motorcycle chase and even a battlefield strategy game in protecting Fort Condor. 

Direct Sequel?

Yes – first there was the CGI movie Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children.

I actually watched Advent Children before playing Final Fantasy VII. I had already known most of what happened in the game and Advent Children became a monumental craze when it first came out. Everybody was talking about it. Watching the sequel before playing the game skewers your interpretation of things. My first impression of Cloud was that he was always whiny and angsty, and meanwhile Tifa kept nagging him to move on. I felt really bad for Cloud losing Aerith.

Then when I actually played Final Fantasy VII, I saw that Cloud starts as this badass mercenary. Tifa is spunky and clearly is the better choice (IMO) but Cloud is enamored by Aerith after only meeting her briefly. WHAT? Cloud. Bro. Make a move on Tifa, you nitwit. Tifa is AMAZING.

 Square Enix then continued the story with Dirge of Cerberus – Final Fantasy VII. This video game sequel focuses on Vincent Valentine, a fan favorite of the original game.

Let me remind you about something – the original game revealed Shinra’s inner deep secret experiments, namely with Sephiroth and Jenova. Dirge of Cerberus introduces an even deeper research team within Shinra called Deepground. I don’t know about you, but it already sounds like the start of a terribly redundant string of sequels, like how the Jason Bourne movies keep revealing an even deeper level of conspiracy theories. Vincent’s mysterious background is now fully revealed. He is defined by – guess what? – another angsty lost lover story, this time with a woman named Lucrecia. Now, okay, look, maybe I’m just being a dick about these types of love stories. But when it keeps popping up within the same series in the same manner, I start asking if you have anything else to offer on your menu.

Lastly, there is the prequel for the PSP – Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII. Of all the games in the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core has received the most positive reception. If anything, play that after playing Final Fantasy VII before bothering with anything else.

 Oh, and of course there is the Final Fantasy VII Remake, which we thought wasn’t going to happen for the longest time but they finally released it in April 2020. More on that later after I finish it, and after I post my entire series of Final Fantasy reviews!

[acedesigns]

Injuries [FF7: SephirothxReader]

A/N: So this is based off of what happened to me last year. I had a sprain in October from pulling my Japanese binder out of my backpack. Then, I caught a man around 200 lbs when he was falling, which greatly worsened the sprain. The sprain has not fully healed, but I got out of the brace in January. I also dislocated/sprained my shoulder in December. So I had no arms for a couple of weeks. Fuck my body.

Word Count: 1364

--

The never-ending itch was driving you insane. It was almost worse than the pain had you refused to wear the brace. Almost. With great determination, you snuck a pen down through the tight binding to scratch at your skin. The worse thing was that you’ve only been in your wrist brace since Friday. It was Monday.

“I see you’ve upgraded it.” You were using ace bandages before that, for about a week.

You glanced up at the newcomer. Sephiroth was leaning against the wall watching you furiously try to ease your irritated skin. Pulling the pen out, you gave him a sheepish smile. “Yeah, well. It’ll help stabilize it more, so I shouldn’t be a hindrance to you!”

“Don’t you write with that wrist?”

“Y-yes,” you agreed and cleared your throat. “I can still write with it.” You didn’t mention that your handwriting would look like shit and it’d hurt like hell to even hold a pen or pencil. Standing up from the desk, you grabbed the different forms that needed to be filled to report on the squadron Sephiroth was overseeing for the day. “Should we get going, General?”

Sephiroth watched you with speculation. With a sigh, he pushed himself off the wall and strolled down the winding hallways of Shinra. You quickened your pace to match his long strides. Each step sent a vibration to your wrist. You bit your lip to keep yourself from whimpering in pain.

“Was your injury worsened after you stopped that trainee from falling?” Sephiroth glanced over his shoulder at you. His eyes dared you to try and lie to him.

Looking away you hummed. “A little.”

Sephiroth pinched the bridge of his nose and a harsh puff of air left him. “I still can’t believe you originally hurt yourself pulling out a binder.”

“It was a heavy binder,” you grumbled.

“It still shouldn’t have happened. Did the doctors look into why it happened?” Sephiroth questioned.

You brushed passed him into the training room where a few hopeful soldier candidates waited, completely avoiding the topic. Most of them were chattering amongst themselves. Excited whispers about the great hero of the Wutai war. Though, once the hero stepped in, they silenced themselves. One or two looked like they were about to piss themselves when Sephiroth scrutinized them under his harsh glare.

He made his way over towards the mounted tablet and swiped threw a series of screens. After a minute, he turned back to the candidates.

“Fight until you drop,” he stated simply before he made his way over to you.

The training room shifted into a battlefield. Monsters, machines, and warriors appeared before the candidates and attacked without mercy. You tried to take notes as quickly as possible. For a couple of minutes, you were able to.

Then, your hand went numb. The pen fell from your grip and onto the floor below you. You tried to move your fingers, but they weren’t responding like they should have. Just small, sporadic twitches.

“Here,” Sephiroth sounded quietly. He had bent down and picked up the pen. You grabbed it with your non-dominant hand started to write with that one. He watched you quietly. “What happened?”

You swallowed down your ping of panic. “Doctor said that my nerves might be damaged or constricted. I have to wait for the inflammation to go down to get tested. It caused my hand to go numb.” You were much slower writing with your non-dominant hand. Your handwriting looked like a child who was just learning how to write. The heat of shame rose up your neck and flooded your face. The notes were nearly illegible.

--

You had started to carry around a tablet. That way you could type in the notes with either hand with relative ease. It was heavier than a notebook and pen, but not by much. This had to go on for about two months. Two months of staying in your wrist brace.

By then, your wrist was a raw red. Your doctor had you applying a wide variety of medicated lotion. Lotion for bacteria or fungus. Lotion for just dry skin. The doctor didn’t know if your skin was just breaking down, or if there was an actual infection. At this point, you didn’t care. You were just tired of this shit.

You were sitting in your car. With a sigh, you put your head against the steering wheel and just tried to focus on your breathing. After a minute or so, you went to grab your phone on the passenger seat. It wasn’t there. With a frown, you looked in front of the seat. It wasn’t there either. Figuring it would have had to have gone under the chair, you started to maneuver your non-injured arm.

It slithered under the seat, bending every which way. Then, your hand gripped the familiar casing of your phone. With a sigh of relief, you went to pull your arm back. It didn’t move.

“Shit,” you whispered to yourself. Without realizing it, you had hyperextended your elbow. It couldn’t move from where it was. Then, your shoulder was also bent at an awkward angle. Your arm was completely stuck and the only form of communication was in your stuck hand. Tears started to build up in your eyes as you tried to move your body. It couldn’t with the steering wheel in the way.

At this point, tears were freely falling. You closed your eyes and slammed your head back against your seat. There was only one way for you to free yourself. Taking a deep breath, you tried to relax all of the muscles in your arms. Then, with a sharp jolt, you pulled your arm.

There was a snap. You screamed and dragged your dangling arm out from under the chair, your cellphone still in your hand. Sobs wracked your body. Your injured hand cradled your dislocated shoulder. With a shutter, you pushed your arm back into its socket.

“Shit, shit, shit,” you cursed repeatedly, trying to relieve the pain that still shattered your composure. The pain stung. It was like electric jolts of energy shot up and down your arm. There were a million knives stabbing your shoulder. It wasn’t like the other times you dislocated your arm where it just hurt for a couple of hours. No, this was more intense. “Goddammit,” you wailed. Both of your arms hurt like hell.

--

“What did you do now?”

You looked up at Sephiroth. The immeasurable pain radiated from both arms. Bags hung heavily under your eyes, telling of the unseen horrors of spending the night at a packed ER and getting no sleep. The weight of having no useable arms were light in comparison to Sephiroth’s gaze flickering back and forth between your constrictive wrist brace on one hand and a sling on the other.

“I’m sorry, General,” you whispered and hung your head in shame. “I’m useless to you, now.”

Sephiroth’s boots sunk heavily into the floor as he made his way towards you. He went around your desk and knelt in front of you. The hair that framed his face pooled on your legs. He looked up at you with great intensity.

“You are not useless to me. Don’t say that.”

“I can barely use a computer, let alone do anything else. I have to carry everything around in my sling because putting things in my pocket or using a bag is too difficult. My body is too pathetic to do anything. I can’t fulfill my duties as your assistant.” You paused and took out an envelope from your sling. “I have to quit.”

Sephiroth took the envelope containing your letter of resignation from your hands. He then tore it half and threw it in the waste bin. “You’re not quitting.”

“But--.”

“No buts,” Sephiroth stated firmly. “I can get by without you working, I did it before. Besides, this started as a workplace injury, so you have full immunity. I want you to stay, even if it’s to keep me company.” You sniffled a bit, feeling yourself about to cry. Sephiroth’s gaze softened and he gave you a rare smile. “Please stay.”

“Okay.”

[curvispugnator]

15. 17, 22, 26

30 Uncommon Character Development Questions

15) Can the multi-task or must they focus on one subject at a time?

Tifa can multi-task quite efficiently due to running the bar almost entirely by herself with only occasional assistance from Cloud when he’s not off on one of his delivery runs. She can tend to multiple patrons at once as well as quickly clean up empty tables and glasses. This talent for multi-tasking also aids her in battle in that she can keep track of multiple enemies and analyze the best course of action in a variety of situations.

17) Is your character an introvert or an extrovert? How do they handle big crowds of people?

Tifa is kind of a bit of both. She generally brings out her cheery, amiable, optimistic side when tending to the bar or supporting her friends when they need it. But she can be a bit shy and timid other times, especially in regards to romantic feelings towards someone. Having grown up in the small mountainside village of Nibelheim, it took her quite some time to get accustomed to the hustle and bustle of Midgar considering the comparatively quiet life she had lived in Niblheim before it’s ill-fated destruction. But now she hardly seems to mind big crowds at all, considering how popular her bar has become.

22) Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone?

Tifa generally wants to believe she can trust people, but due to what happened in Niblheim and Shinra’s covering up of and removal of any evidence of the incident has caused her to become a bit more cautious towards who she opens up to, especially if they have connections to Shinra. Though, with the rise of the WRO and efforts to make amends for their past mistakes she has begun to at least partially forgive Shinra as well as realize that her hatred towards them was admittedly somewhat misplaced and had primarily been caused by one man…Sephiroth.

26) How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble?

Tifa usually prepares for bed by doing a couple stretches, and adjusting her pillow. She’s somewhat embarrassed to admit it being an adult, but she occasionally sleeps with a chocobo or moogle plushie when she’s feeling stressed/upset. She has a fairly regular sleep schedule and is an early riser, she likes to have time to cook breakfast, go for a morning jog, and pack lunches for Denzel and Marlene before opening the bar for the day.

[shadyb00ts]

Kingdom Hearts III Review

I never use this site but I needed some place to put all my thoughts down and this was the only place I could think of.

I’ve probably waited for this game for around 12 to 13 years. KH1 and 2 brought me so much joy as a kid, and it wasn’t until later that I played all the other spin-off games in the series. This game was the primary reason I got a PS4 in the first place and, as fucked up as it sounds, one of the things that kept me going in life. The impact of this series runs that deep for me.

Because we got inundated with a ton of gameplay footage last year, I knew I was going to enjoy this game. I had a few worries that the combat would feel clunky/floaty/stiff when seeing some of the earlier footage, but within the first hour or so of the game I couldn’t deny how good the combat feels. It’s satisfying, fluid, flashy and so much fun. I’d say the keyblade transformations offer much more variety than Drive forms ever did, cause you could use them a lot more frequently. There’s also other things like the shotlock, team attacks, link attacks, flowmotion attacks, so much stuff that you can utilize to really mix up battles every time. It’s probably the most addicting combat I’ve experienced in the entire KH series.

Another change I liked is the gummi system. I used to dread the gummi ship portions in KH2 because they were annoyingly difficult and they served as blockades to the worlds that are unavoidable. In this game, the gummi portion is instead a huge open area of space that you can explore and find treasures in. Battles can be avoided and the way to initiate them is to approach the enemies on the field, which was a huge sigh of relief for me. The actual gummi battles themselves work somewhat the same way as it did in KH2, but it’s not as busy or frenetic anymore so it eliminates the annoyance.

The Disney worlds were well done for the most part. They made the levels pretty big and explorable, and the story/time you spend within each world is elongated so there isn’t a return trip. I guess I understand why they did that but I really liked how in KH2 you could come back to the worlds in the second half of the game and experience a new story within it. In this one, once you’ve finished a world that’s pretty much it. One world would probably take around 2-3 hours to complete, depending on how much you explore. Unfortunately this game was a lot shorter than I was hoping it would be, but it’s still packed with a lot of content so it wasn’t that big of an issue. I was particularly impressed with the Pirates world; it suddenly turned into Assassin's Creed Black Flag. You get to control your own ship and explore different islands and have ship battles. I hated the Pirates world in KH2 but had loads of fun with the one in this game. I also enjoyed the Toy Story world very much, because it’s essentially a giant 3-story toy store and you can explore virtually every inch of it.

Something that disappointed me was the 100 Acre Wood. I actually loved what they did in KH2 because it spanned throughout the entire game, since you had to find the missing pages and gradually see the story unfold. However in this one, I’m pretty sure the 100 Acre Wood was just an afterthought. You go in there and it’s pretty much just 3 mini games that are practically slightly different variations of the same game, and that’s it. It was way too brief, and they definitely could have done something to make it more interesting. Sure, 100 Acre Wood was never my FAVORITE world in either KH1 or 2, but they were much more well done in those games than here because they actually had stories and a lot of creative mini games. It’s pretty clear they didn’t put much thought or effort into this world, and since it’s one of the minor worlds I guess it doesn’t matter that much, but it’s still disappointing nonetheless.

The final act of the game was a bit messy, to say the least. Light spoilers ahead.

I never really try to question or make sense of the convoluted mechanics and plot holes of the KH-verse so I just rolled with it and was along for the ride when it came to the story, but I think in this game nothing hugely significant really happens in the story until the final act. They just packed everything into that last part of the game, throwing boss after boss at you and solving plot line after plot line. It felt a lot like the recent season finale of Steven Universe; a lot of unnecessary buildup until you just throw everything but the kitchen sink in the end.

If you think about KH2′s story structure for example, it was a lot more eventful because between the Disney worlds you also visited certain worlds like Hollow Bastion and Twilight Town and whatnot to advance the main story and have things actually HAPPEN. In this game, the non-Disney worlds were basically given little to no effort. Twilight Town just becomes a little hub area that has the bistro for the cooking mini game; which you can go to via the world map or save points anyway, so essentially Twilight Town is useless cause you never need to visit it again for story purposes. The penultimate area of the game, the Keyblade Graveyard, is pretty much just a gauntlet of bosses. There’s nothing to explore, it’s just a linear path to every possible boss in the game. Fighting all of them in one place like that made it feel oddly anti-climactic. 

And then my biggest disappointment: Scala ad Caelum. This was the area that was hyped up in the trailers, huge and gorgeous with cables connecting everywhere. I thought it would be the final dungeon and you could explore every inch.

Nope. It’s literally just a fancy stage for the final boss. It just breaks my heart to think about all the wasted potential. Maybe they focused all their efforts on the Disney worlds (besides the Winnie the Pooh world), so the non-Disney ones were just afterthoughts? They could have done SO much more with the set pieces in this game, like I just think back to how incredibly well-done Hollow Bastion was in KH2 and how much of the story unfolded in that area. KH2 really made good use of all the worlds and tied everything together. With this game, each of the worlds kind of just play out their own story and it feels very disconnected to everything else that’s going on. 

The great thing about KH2 and the fact that you could go to each world twice is that, the first time you go it’s all about playing out the story of whatever movie it is they’re basing it on; and then the second time you come back, it’s about how that particular world fits into the bigger Kingdom Hearts story itself. It tied everything together and it made it feel like the worlds were actually connected. In this game there’s a big disconnect, and I’m very disappointed in that. Also, I don’t understand why they didn’t have any Final Fantasy characters in this game whatsoever, not even Sephiroth who I thought had become a staple. 

I know it seems like this game let me down, and in some cases it did because of all the things that they could have done that for some reason they chose not to do, even after this game being in development for so long. This game took me about 30 hours to complete but I wish it was 30 hours longer. They could have added at least one more Disney world, they could have done something to make the worlds feel more impactful or connected to the overall plot, there’s just so many things they could’ve done. But even with all that said, I still enjoyed myself a lot in this game because the gameplay was enough to keep me engaged and it felt so good to actually have the game in my hands. 

I’ll give the game a 8/10. I can’t believe I’m doing that because I thought I would have given it a 10, and I was hoping I’d be able to, but it just feels like there’s a big chunk of this game that’s missing and I wish they did more. Still, the things they got right they got right, and I can’t deny that I had so much fun playing it and still am with the post-game activities. I just got the Ultima keyblade recently and it’s a dream to use. I’m eager for them to add a New Game+ feature, because I want to replay it but I want to carry everything over; I’d rather not just start from scratch.

Also sidebar, if you’ve never played a Kingdom Hearts game before in your life, don’t even bother having this one be your first one, lmao. It’s a continuation and an ending to a huge story, so if this game is your first KH game you will not understand ANYTHING that’s going on or know who any of the original characters are. If you want to play it regardless, then just skip the cutscenes and tune out the story, cause from a gameplay perspective this game is a fucking blast.

[teamcalamity]

Okay, newbie. Let's move!

A new competitive season has started, Opus VIII is about to launch and Team Calamity has a blog... BOOYA!!

If you want to see more variety than a dialogue with Squall, topics that hit harder than Sephiroth into the back of a flower girl and tips more useful than Vaan's point in the story, then this is the blog for you.

In this first article we thought it might be best to introduce you to some of the team who will be regular staples on here. Hopefully this brief insight will help put some of their upcoming content into perspective.

First up is our resident judge - Mitch.

How did you first get into FFTCG?

It was a dark time in my life; I had just finished one of my favourite TV series for the 15th time and worst of all I had a piece of apple skin stuck between my teeth. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

I received a call from the UK Champion (but not world) Peter Sherratt, he spoke to me like a true champion with grace and honour “you alright dickhead?” he told me that he had just gone to a new comic book shop, the infamous Calamity Comics. Peter knew I always had a creepy girlfriend affection for Final Fantasy and our recent card game was now just an OTK shit show. So we thought let’s give it a go.

Pulled Bahamut legend, fire seems strong; I bet this card will be good for a long time, 10000 damage AND removed. Peter got Foil Light Cloud. This card is also future proof, if there’s one thing I know about card games, is that removal is key and this has it in spades…

From that day I was hooked, scratching at my arms for the next fix of spoilers, tapping the vein, breathing FFTCG and dealing with my new addiction.

What style of play do you favour?

I like to win, but more importantly I like to be a smug prick and to do this, I love my combat tricks. Nothing lifts the table up on my side more than doing something your opponent cannot see coming. I also love removal and drawing cards so if someone could explain to me how to play earth that would be great. Thank you.

Biggest hype of Opus 8?

While all the cards aren’t out yet, I am especially excited for Lunafreya, the stuff that she can enable; it means your opponent will not want to kill off some of your best forwards. That said this will all change depending on the new Garnet, if there is one.

Peter - the 2018 UK Champion (not world)

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I played yu gi oh at the time and I saw FF being sold at Calamity Comics in Hatfield.

Eric the store owner said they were doing a tournament on Friday night's (an attempt to remove the magic the gathering crowd) .

I had played FF7 and I've never liked mtg so sounded like a win win for me. All that was left was to convince mitchell to go with me to hold my hand through it all.

Didn't take long to convince him and off we went to go purchase some cardboard crack. First pack I opened....foil Cloud L!! Wooo

First deck I played was fire ice. We didn't have a clue what we were doing but got it after a couple of goes.

Mitch went home that night to learn the rulings. It became an obsession of his for a while. He would wake up in the middle of the night about illegal plays the night before.

What was even better was we convinced our mates Joseph and Azlan to join also. Fucking great game. Needs more cleavage though.

What style of play do you favour?

I really like all 3 of the main tropes. They all have a special place in my heart because of the decks ive played with.

Mono wind has generally been a control deck. Midrange ice is tempo. Discard ice is quite aggressive.

I'm gunna vote for tempo. After a short amount of set up I do love using dull freeze or discard mechanics for those cheap easy wins. It's like eating 20 mcnuggets. You know it's bad but it feels so good.

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Sherlotta, Fina, Alexander, Lasswell & Time Mage.

The one I will talk about is Time Mage though because I honestly think it's perfect for what ice needs right now.

Wind earth is an awful matchup where we can't choose Zidane, get fucked by big daddy etc etc. So we're investing 5cp for a huge tempo swing. Huge. I'm a big big fan. It's a multicard too so extra copies may be played.

Mono ice will return with a vengeance!!!

Rich - Team Calamity's synergy specialist.

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I have zero history of playing card games, so my interest in FFTCG was purely as someone who had played nearly every game released under the title, who just fancied trying it out. I bought the starter decks on release date to gauge if it was something that I was going to stick with, and pretty soon I was part of the Opus I stock disaster, hunting the shelves of every Toys'r'Us in driving distance trying to find packs (I'm not proud to admit that). Two and a half years, and many £'s later, here I am writing my first blog post after years of being a lurker on the fan page.

What style of play do you favour?

I have always run decks that I find genuinely fun to build, play and tweak. Sometimes that means I run stuff closer to the meta, and sometimes I run more obscure decks. The vast majority of decks that I run revolve around combo cards such as Yuri/Chelinka/Alhanalem or Seifer/Raijin/Fujin. Nothing turns me on more than the text "If you control card name "X"".

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Just give me 3 Lasswell in foil. I love that the card has been made with a specific purpose in mind (Fire/Ice deck), and all 3 abilities feed into what those elements want to achieve. I'm not quite sure how best to make Lasswell work, but I'm sure someone much smarter than I am will find a way to make him a beast!

Tom - Blog editor, specialist subject the 'Tombo Combo'

How did you first get into FFTCG?

I got into the game by chance around Opus 4. I'd never played a TCG before but out browsing for a cheap PS4 game in the January sales I spotted Cloud and Squall booster packs in the bargain bin at a local game shop. A Final Fantasy card game, what even is that?! Went home, googled it, rushed back the next day, bought the lot and ordered all the starter sets. I still remember opening my first packs and getting so excited by how many shinys I was getting, like one in each pack, I must be so lucky! Next step a venture to Calamity as the only local place to play. I didn't win a game for about 2 months but was having the best time!

What style of play do you favour?

I like to do things differently so for me I'm all about the meme life and unashamedly so. I like to shy away from the meta (to my own detriment) as I get much more enjoyment from doing things myself and if someone tells me something is shit, it just makes me want to play it more. That said I still believe you can meme and be successful and hope to go someway to proving that this competitive season (here's to 0-X at every major tournament this year)

Biggest hype for Opus 8?

Not seen the full list yet but I'm buzzing for the new FF7 starter deck. I'll probably look to take the Earth parts into an Earth/Fire setup maybe utilising the new 15 characters if space. For me a big part of enjoying the game is using characters I actually know of and love so this should fit nicely. I've also got some ideas for a Fire/Water rush style deck and a new Opus launch wouldn't be complete without me trying to make FF8 work (where are you Cid Kramer!).

I hope this is the set where things really open up and we don't see the same few decklists dominating the circuit.

Team Calamity's OP runs every Friday from 7pm at Calamity Comics in Hatfield (North of London). You can also follow us on YouTube, Twitter and Facebook (teamcalamityfftcg) or contact us on email (teamcalamityfftcg@gmail.com). Alternatively just write anything on the FFTCG Fans Facebook page, Team Calamity's James Stevenson will no doubt comment on it.

[applebandito]

100% Kingdom Hearts 1 (Day 7)

Current Targets: Colosseum Champion

I awoke beneath a mountain of discarded soda cans and a blanket like it was 2002 again. I recalled the day I actually was introduced to Kingdom Hearts. I’d long since stopped reading video game magazines and the only thing I’d heard about this game was “Disney and Final Fantasy characters in the same game.” This was enough to pique my interest, so when I was standing in a Target and staring through the glass at the video games, I saw the shiny blue cover and knew I needed it.

As if by fate, my grandmother found me standing there after she’d finished her shopping and asked if I saw something I wanted. Figuring this was a leading question for Christmas or a birthday, I mentioned the game and pointed to it. She hailed a store associate and I was on my way home reading the back of the box.

I was deposited back at my home and my father was gone for the day, so I sat down with a two liter of soda and a bunch of chips and the rest was history as the game spun in my PS2 unchallenged for weeks. It was a rare time that with the measly job I had, I decided to purchase a strategy guide to ensure I’d milked the game for every last secret. Also the strategy guide was great and very handsomely decorated.

I’m waxing poetic about the first game and my history with it mostly because this was the day a metric ton of the achievements were going to get done and frankly nothing of any sort of interest happen. The ultima weapon got swung, bosses died, and that’s that. Sephiroth wasn’t even that difficult, nor was the Organization 13 guy they added. The Ice Titan was a dawdle, the sandy man took a bit of time, but it wasn’t bad. I maybe died to Sephiroth and the clock tower dementor but nothing gave me much to talk about.

Honestly the only comedy really came from doing 100 Acre Woods to close it up. Something about how slow it goes made me wish it could be all over. I also had to go back and collect a torn page from Halloween Town. Despite going back through every world and opening up every chest I could find and locking up the remaining worlds, I never found the last one because of where it was hidden.

Pooh moves like old people fuck when you need to get him to go somewhere which  means you have to stutter step while you’re locked on to him to help him get up to a swing or find his friends. Getting him up to a swing in order to get Eyore’s tail actually made me mad because he got distracted by honey. On brand for him, sure, but part of me honestly want to commit war crimes just because of this minor inconvenience. It’s at this point I knew this game was having the appropriate effect.

I also finally touched Gummi ship building and quickly discovered that the appearance of some weapons severely belied what exactly their function was. Thundaga-G look like gatling guns, so I figured they’d shoot a ton of bullets straight ahead. I built a beefy A-10 Warthog of a Gummi ship, prepared to turn Heartless children into Heartless orphans. But no, they shoot fucking missiles! Not even good missiles. They go roughly ten feet, run out of breath and explode into a pathetic poof of damage. The only thing that was good was the lasers I’d attached, but I ran out of power faster than a Texas town in the winter; and I had to desperately get to Cancun. 

I wound up mopping up the keyblades, the tournaments, even the staves and shields for Donald and Goofy. By this point I was numb to collecting things and having to go back and kill white mushrooms with the variety of spells to get one of the shields. Or a stave. I can’t be arsed to look up what it was. What I do know, is there’s going to be a lot more to write about when I do my Proud Mode playthrough because then I’ll be paying more attention to the story. Or at least the early simplicity of it. Before the series got more convoluted than a Reddit Rube Goldberg machine.

Once the journal for Jiminy Cricket was all filled out and all the dogs had been packed into their modest upper class home, I finished all the last little bits so that all was left was completing the game on Medium/Hard difficulties and the coveted platinum. Mercifully, completing the game on Hard would also unlock the medium difficulty trophy, so this would be the last I’d be seeing of the trophy unlock until I beat the game a second time.

So while this may not be as entertaining as the other entries, We’ve got the memes and dreams of watching the story.

Completed 53 of 56: He Who Doesn’t Exist The Cloaked Shadow The Sandy Blade Coliseum Champion The Frost Giant One-Winged Angel Level Master Master of the Seas Pooh’s Friend Record Keeper Storyteller Searcher Professor Top Dog Best Friend Mini-Game Maniac Gummi Ship Collector Customizer Ace Pilot Blade Master Master Magician Master Defender

[goetiasanctuary]

Derwitch

Classification

*Hybrid species (Dernoth + Sorcerer)

Type: Sorcerer Danger scale: SS Rights and restrictions in human society: Humans do not know about the existence of derwitches and the sorcerer society would like to mantein it this way. Rights and restrictions in the sorcerer society: Derwitches used to have no rights and were automatically treated as a rank SS prisioner when found but, with the new Amsel law (imposed by the majority of the sorcerers on the council years ago), derwitches now can live in the sorcerer society, as long as they are supervised. Derwitches also have to make semanal checkups on their level of magic and go to a psychologist (indicated by the government) with regularity.

History

Derwitches are a laboratory-induced species, since a natural union of a dernoth with a sorcerer would be impossible. They were created by black magic sorceres that wanted a new, stronger generation of that didn’t had the depencence of potions and not have to suffer their possible collateral side effects. There are many registers of derwitches made more than a millenia ago, and I’m using them as a base to write this section. I’m not certain if all the derwitches that const in this documents are dead, but I don’t feel particulary inclined to take this to the government. I also suspect that Sephiroth was one of this ancient derwitches, and not a dernoth.

Apparence

When in human form, derwitches will always have very dark hair and red irises. When in demonic form, they will have two horns, razor-sharp teeths, long fingers with sharp claws and a velvety smooth, unnaturaly black skin that absorves almost all light, making their face features really hard to see. Their hair will also resemble dark flames on the edges, moving, fading and reappearing.

Health

A derwitch will not get past their childhood if not taken care by someone who can provide high assistance to their physical health. The dernoth’s demonic magic fused with a sorcerer magic cause a very powerful and destructive energy, that the child’s body is not yet ready to bear with. Without any assistance, that will destroy their organs and cause a very slow and painful death.

Behavior

▶ Basics A derwitch’s behavior is not any different from a human when in human form but, in the demonic form, the derwitch become less inhibited by the way they truly feel and behave in a more animalistic way, guided more by intinct than thinking. It is possible that the derwitch gain more control of themself on demonic form by training, but this is a very slow process. Also, in demonic form, the derwitch cannot communicate with humans without the use of magic, since their demon body does not have the right vocal chords needed for the speech. When derwitches conjure ornamental spells that are pure energy (like sculptures made of magic energy that fades with time), instead of having their magic color influenced by how they are feeling, the derwitch’s magic will always be (or at least very close to) black.

▶ Alimentar Habits Despite being onivorous, derwitches need consume more protein than humans to mantain form, and can easily become anemic by avoiding to eat meat. Derwitches can also eat raw meat without harming their health.

▶ Social Life

Derwitches dislike being surrounded by strangers and are, in general, very cold, uninterested or agressive towards people they dont know. However, despite their introverted and sightly antisocial behavior, derwitches crave to find people that they can make an emotional conection, and they can become easily attached if reconize someone as their pack*. Derwitches packs have two major subdivisions: Family and pack mates. The family are the ones the Derwitch will keep close and consequently priorize, and the pack mates are the ones that the Derwitch do not feel the need to keep constantly touch, but willingly take care of them when they need. Losing or being betrayed by someone of their pack (especially family) can be very traumatizing for a derwitch and cause a severe stress on them that can last for many years.

*This recognition is inconcient, and the derwitch can end up just labeling it like an high attachment problem, since they will now not have other of their own species around to explain this.

▶ Love Life Winning the love of a derwitch has two phases. While both forms are parts of the same person and share the same consciousness, the two of them fall in love in different ways and can have slightly different personalities (since the demonic form do not care to hide their true emotions). It is a possibility that the two forms could fall in love with different people, since the standarts and definition of love for both of them are not the same. Winning the love of the human form is just like it would happen to any other people, but the demonic form is more tricky. Like dernoths, derwitches crave to have a partner of their own kind, the complication here being that, on this days, its very unlikely to them to ever found one. Luckly, the human blood that they have end up allowing them sometimes to mistake someone as one of their own kind (generally demons of the fire elemental kind). They also have to see the person as an equal, and feel that they can both protect and be protected by them.

Habilities

▶ Passive Habilities

Immortality - Derwitches age slower than humans (they take about 5 years to complete the development that an human would had made in 1), but stop aging when they’re around 100. High Temperature Resistance - Since they are part fire elemental, the derwitch’s body can support incredibly high temperatures without being burned. Enhanced Combat Magic - Combat spells used by them are always about 10 times stronger than a standart sorcerer. Enhanced Mana - The quantity of magic that a derwitch are able to use before running out of power are equivalent to 100+ standart sorceres. Thick Skin - When in demonic form, sharp objects cannot penetrate their skin (and anti-daemon oil has no effect on them). Super Strenght -  When in demonic form, an untrained derwith can lift 50x their own weight.

▶ Active Habilities

Spellcasting - Like any sorcerer, derwitches can learn a large variety of spells and use them. Dual Shifting - Derwitches have two forms they can assume: human or demon.  Dark Fire -  Like the dernoth’s magic, the fire that derwitches make are very hard to get rid of. It is not only differed of normal fire by the color (black), but it also can’t be put out by anything (elemental magic included) besides the derwitch’s will, only contained. It also will not go out alone, the fire will keep burning for as long as the derwitch who casted it still alive.

▶ Downsides

Doing any kind of transforming or healing magic can be very dangerous and have a high possibility of not ending well.

If they’re injured while in human form, their healing speed are much slower than a human’s, and it can take 3x more time to heal.

When experiencing strong emotions, the demon form can manifest withouth the derwitchs will and be very hard to undo. In this state, their consciousness is also compromised, and if the emotion that caused the form to manifest were anger or sadness, they can turn very agressive and destructive. The only one that they would reconize and not hurt in this state would be their chosen partner, who are also the only one who could calm the enraged derwitch.

Written by Kallik Diamond

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

my children they have 5 thousand diseases and will not survive the coming frost

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

that scene gets me so hard like all them kids standing there listening to him yap like 🧍🏼🧍🏼🧍🏼🧍🏼🧍🏼🧍🏼 i thought i was gonna see a doctor who is this freak

Back from my thrice annual viewing of my favorite movie Advent Children 🥹

The editing is atrocious. The symbolism is on the nose. The moral is contrived. And nothing will give me more serotonin than Yazoo’s jumpscare HEHE when he tackles a man out of a helicopter 😍

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #200

I can't believe I've written 200 letters to you already. It's 201 if you include the very first one I wrote for you. I wonder if you received it. I wonder if you've received any of these so far. I'm more than halfway to a whole year's worth of letters to you. I hope you can see the lengths to which someone might go to reach you, and I hope it moves you. This one is probably a long one, even by my standards, and maybe a little roundabout. But it's important. So please...

Today was my second day at the bakery job. When I woke up this morning, I was in a lot of pain due to the rib injury (I think sleeping upon the sleeping mat on the floor with Br and J likely exacerbates the rib issue…). I was going to put my hair up in a bun to keep it out of the way as I worked, because that is what I did last time. You'll see it in the mirror:

Like you, I have a lot of hair, and I don't want it to get everywhere while I'm doing stuff in the bakery. But today, I was having a hard time lifting my right arm over my head (I technically can do it, but this morning, doing it was hurting me a lot), and Br wanted to braid my hair anyway, so that is what she did. Here's how that turned out:

...Like I said, I have a lot of hair, hahaha! I'm thinking about shaving it down to the scalp again soon in order to donate it to a group called Hair We Share. They make wigs for free, for people who have problems that make them go bald, like chemotherapy and whatnot. Last time I donated, it was the summer of 2019, I think? It's 2024 in my world now. I donated 22 inches, and it only took 3 years for it to grow back to its full length like this.

Hey, Sephiroth? Do you ever tie back your hair into braids, buns, or ponytails? I don't imagine it'd be safe to donate, given the Jenova cells. But maybe if you were cured of Jenova infection somehow, maybe it'd be safe then? I wonder...

Anyway, once again, I had a really great time at work! Today, I packed rolls, put cookies and croissants on giant cookie sheets, sliced and bagged rye, marble, and Italian breads, prepared cinnamon rolls for baking, put the baked cookies from the sheets I prepared into little boxes, and put labels on a variety of things. Someone is going to go home with a happy box of cookies that I baked, and that feels wonderful!

4 hours flew by in what felt like no time at all. I was on my feet, constantly moving, always with some small task to do, and it felt really good. And even better, the simple movements involved with doing this job seem to really help my rib for reasons I don't fully understand, given that most other movements seem to make the whole upper right quadrant of my body SUPER fucken pissed, oh my good gravy! But at the moment, despite how I woke up this morning, I'm in not a whole lot of pain at all, actually, and that's both very unusual and very nice. I'm going to look forward to bringing this up to the folks at physical therapy next week.

And something interesting happened today, too.

When bread gets sliced, once it comes off the slicing machine, you're supposed to hold it firmly on both ends, and squish the two ends towards the middle as you lift it up to put it on the little metal shelf that's supposed to help you bag it. And normally, the loaf stays together when you lift it, but for one of the Italian loaves, it was shaped a little weird; there was kind of a concave sort of curve on one of the sides, and I didn't notice it until it was too late, and...

So when I went to lift that particular loaf to the little metal shelf for bagging, the whole loaf kind of... Accordioned? My language should have a verb for this, but I'm not sure that we do. I don't know how to describe it, but the slices in the middle kind of exploded up and outwards unexpectedly, and before I knew it, the whole loaf was scattered on the floor instead of sitting neatly on the metal shelf waiting to be bagged like I intended.

And so, in horror, I froze. And maybe bread scattering to the floor doesn't sound like horror to you (it really shouldn't sound like horror to ANYONE, but child abuse exists, so...), but I'm standing there, knowing what my mother would have said to me if she had seen that, and knowing what my stepmother would have done to me if she had seen it.

Even still, sometimes when unexpected things happen and I get scared, my brain tends to think like I'm about 2 seconds away from either getting my face caved in, 2 seconds away from getting an hour-long tirade about what a stupid, lazy, inconsiderate, clumsy, and overall worthless piece of shit I am, or some combination of the two. I still have the memories of my mother saying to me that if I make any mistake while doing "unskilled" labor, I'm going to get screamed at, humiliated, and fired. I have 18 years of poverty telling me that ANY wasted food is a catastrophe. And I have a long time of being taught that if I'm the one who causes a catastrophe, then I deserve to be harshly punished for it.

Well. Nowadays I also have coping skills. I don't know if you remember the letter about box breathing I wrote to you (Letter #61), but that is the skill I used in order to try to drag myself up out of that involuntary mental time travel before I got sucked too deep into it. And once I collected myself enough to remember that I don't live in that fucked-up world anymore and that I NEVER have to live there EVER AGAIN, I went over to my more experienced team member to tell him what had happened, because integrity is everything. Integrity is everything. Integrity is EVERYTHING.

But when I told him about it, mostly he just seemed very confused that I was so concerned. And his response was, "Yeah, that happens. It's cool. Just toss it." And I was perplexed. I expected him to be at least a little frustrated with me. I expected to at least be scolded about being more careful. I expected... something. Anything. Any kind of application of disapproval or pain or humiliation as a kind of... "mistake deterrent" or some shit. But it didn't happen. And. Goodness, that is gonna take some getting used to.

When my manager returned from his break, I alerted him, too, of the fact that a loaf of bread was lost and it was all my fault. And he, too, seemed totally unfazed and somewhat confused about the fact that I seemed so concerned about it. And I guess I'm still a little baffled, maybe.

I don't wanna drop any more loaves. I don't ever wanna drop another loaf. But I'm probably gonna drop more loaves because I am a human, and, if my mother is to be believed (she probably isn't...), I am an exceptionally clumsy and stupid one at that. It's wild to me, to imagine that any "punishment" I get for it is only going to be from myself, in the form of the pressure and guilt I apply to myself whenever I make mistakes.

Maybe that's gotta stop. Maybe it's about time that this nonsense that I do to myself stops. What do you think, Sephiroth?

And do you know what else was interesting?

Today I received praise for how I arranged the unbaked cookies on the cookie sheet. I did it very carefully so that when they expanded as a result of the baking, none of them would touch. And my manager and my more experienced coworker noticed. They noticed, and they thanked me for it, and... I got to put those cookies that they thanked me for into nice boxes.

I want to do a good job. I make mistakes, but I want to do a good job. And. It's not like my mother. When I make mistakes in front of my mother or in front of my stepmother (or in front of any of my biological family, really), they always use it as evidence that I'm some defiant person who wants to do a bad job in order to spite them, or else use it as evidence that I'm some person who doesn't care enough about anyone other than myself to do a good job.

And indeed, even in most other places of employment I've been in (mostly tech, but still), there's usually not praise for a job well done. A job well done is the default, expected thing. There is no positive feedback for doing something well. There is only negative feedback (though not usually done abusively) when you fall short. The only place where this was not the case was one called Maximus, but I think that's mainly just because I had an astoundingly awesome supervisor there. I'll have to tell you a little more about Maximus sometime; maybe you'd be proud of what I did there...

But. This place. They see that I am trying to be conscientious, even if I don't know what I am doing all the time just yet. They see that I am doing my best to learn. They see it. They notice it. And they tell me that it's very good. They tell me that I'm very good. And... ah... if I'm not careful, my eyes are gonna leak again. Whoops. Hahahaha...

Oh, oh, and!!! Today I was a little better at noticing there were customers at the counter. And I tried to do my usual thing, albeit a little clumsily. All you have to do is treat people like people. All you have to do is be good. And so I say what I am thinking, and what I'm thinking goes like, "Oh hi! It's good to see you! Can I get you anything?" and, "Oh! You want the 9 Grain Bread! Okay! Thank you for pointing out where it is; I can't see it very well from my view because it's under the shelf! Lemme get it sliced up and bagged for ya real nice! And then I'll put the lovely sticker on it!" and, "Thanks for stopping by!" and, "Thanks for your patience!"

I got worried at one point, because one of the customers asked me what my name was (I don't have a name tag yet). I hoped aloud to my manager that they weren't asking for my name because I accidentally did something bad and wanted to report me to someone. But he said to me, he said that he had been observing how I do, and he thinks that the lady just wanted to know my name because I am so kind, and... ahahaha... admittedly, it was hard to avoid my eyes leaking right then and there, but I managed to keep it together.

Sephiroth, I really like this place. I know that a grocery store bakery isn't exactly a "glamorous" job or one that pays quite as much as the ones I've had in the past. But... you know. Br said a thing to me that goes, "You can't pay for peace." And I think that's probably true.

...Sephiroth. Not everyone is gonna do ya like past people done did ya. Look at me. Look at this life I'm leading. Look to me as proof. Look at me, shattered into a million rainbow pieces, only to become a beautiful stained glass window, bound together by iron will, in the end. I fall down a lot because I'm tired and clumsy and sad and hurting literally all the time, but by your example, I get back up and move forward. If I continue to look towards you to guide how I am shaped and how I shine, I am only going to become stronger, braver, kinder, and more beautiful as time goes on, by your example.

Sephiroth. If you're choosing who you're becoming based on how you were raised, then you're not actually choosing, because in order to choose, you need the truth. If it's not the truth, then it's coercion and manipulation. Free will does not exist in the absence of truth. And everything you were taught in the past about yourself and all the ways the world works... Sephiroth, all of it is lies. All vitriolic things are lies. ALL of them. 1000000% of the time.

Sephiroth, you're not a monster. You're not a tool. You're not a weapon. You're not furniture. You're a lovable and wonderful human being, no matter how you were modified, no matter the mistakes you made, and no matter how much pain you carry. Jenova is not your mother, and it does not love you; it is using you. A proper warrior is not cold, unfeeling, and hardhearted; a proper warrior is soft, caring, and kind so violence may be used ONLY as an absolute last resort. You don't exist to be exploited, used, and abused; you exist to be seen, understood, and loved wholly and on a fundamental level. People are not, as a whole, cruel, it's just that some of them do cruel things because their minds are sick or injured, and just like me, you had the misfortune of sticking around for way too goddamn long in a place where everyone was sick or injured, with no way out.

NO ONE chooses violence for the sake of it. They either do it because they believe lies, or they do it because their brain isn't working right. And these don't excuse the violence (nothing ever does), but all the same, both of these things are things that can be fixed. Lies can be dispelled. Brains can get the supports and accommodations they need to succeed. It's as you say - all it takes is a little compassion. A little patience. A little courage. A little determination.

You're not too far gone. If you're too far gone, then so is Spinel of Steven Universe. So are The Diamonds from the same place. So is Jasper from the same place. So is Mewtwo, of Pokémon. So are Dyne, Rufus, Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz of your world. So is Darth Vader. So are Miranjo, Ouken, Bosse, Domas, and Daida, of Ranking of Kings. So am I.

But Sephiroth, it's already been shown that none of these are too far gone, even though some of them have done far worse things than you. They are still not too far gone. They came back. They turned around. Some of them turned around at the last possible fucking second, but still. They turned around. They made a different choice.

Sephiroth. "This is who I am now" is not actually the truth; it's a lie said by people who are too scared to change. No human being is their trauma responses. Cruelty is a result of defective wiring, or coercive systems of belief that keep a person bound and enslaved to their deepest (and often subconscious) fears. Kindness is a choice. So please actually choose this time. Please turn around. Please come back. We miss you, not for what you can do, or for what you look like, but for the way you treat the people around you. For your silly playfulness that only a select few got to see. For your kindness and for your gentleness and for your conscientiousness, empathy, and care.

Sephiroth. If some of your memories are too painful for you, then make use of some of mine; I offer them freely to you to peruse so you can conceive of more loving choices to make. Why else do you think I've been trying so hard to write them down for 200 consecutive days? Give yourself a different lens to look through. Mine may be broken, but like stained glass windows, it's still beautiful, and it comes in so many vivid, wonderful colors.

I love you. I love you enough to point to where the truth is. I love you enough to not take some of the bullshit you say at face value. I love you enough to tell you that some of the shit you think is just flat-out wrong - shit like "I'm a Cetra" and "Jenova is my mother" and "I chose this". It's all bullshit.

Open your eyes and fucking look, because if anyone's eyes are clouded over, it's yours. But you might have to pull your head out of your ass first so that you can see beyond the confines of your own anus, and maybe catch a breath of fresh, non-bullshit-flavored air while you're at it. You aren't a Cetra, Jenova is not your mother, and you didn't choose jack shit; you're running on trauma responses, and I'm not fucking afraid to point that fact right the fuck out, just like any good friend should.

For fuck's sake, get out of your own damn way, willya?

I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

im nomura's strongest soldier

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

you spent your first waking hours butt ass nekkid in the depths of the northern crater what the fuck do you mean youre cold

[orange-coloredsky-archive]

holy crap lois this is just like the scene from that final fantasy movie where the kid who turns into sephiroth dies. advent calendar or whatever