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seung-mong · 2 years ago

Text

the little things - jeongin

includes: bf! jeongin x fem! reader, fluffiest smut ever istg, childhood friends to lovers loss of virginity (f and m), slight perv! jeongin, oral (f rec.) fingering (f rec.), i had no idea how to end this (lowkey did not want to)

wc: 5412 :0

jeongin was always yours. for as long as you could remember, there was no one else but him. from playdates where you would hit him in the head with your toy shovel as he attempted to eat sand, to hitting him in the head with your notebook when he'd try to cheat off you in exams. it was simply the way that it was, an irrevocable truth that you would never want to challenge.

looking back, you could never imagine loving anyone but him. who else knew you so well? you literally grew up together, always just across the street and ready to listen to you ramble about your day (that you spent entirely with him.) so loving him was easy. natural.

the first time he kissed you in the ninth grade, underneath the white jasmine tree that you had run your bike into when you were eleven, 'that's when i knew i loved you.' he'd confessed, holding you so sweetly against the trunk as he pressed his lips against yours in a way that took your breath away.

your first Official Date when he had asked you to go fishing with him, a request so entirely bizarre you found yourself saying yes before you could even think. he had rowed you out to the middle of the lake and had sat there for hours, talking and laughing until the sun had started to paint the sky the same tint of pink that dusted the tops of his cheeks.

you walked home empty handed save for the bucket of chum that he had playfully threatened to spill all over you. and he kissed you again right outside your door, fingers digging into your waist as yours tangled into his hair. and you just wanted to kiss and kiss and kiss him until his lips were sore but your front door opened with a bang! and jeongin had ended up running for his life across the street, into the safety of his home where your father could not reach him.

then on your Seventeenth Birthday, he had planned your surprise party, inviting every single one of your friends and begging them not to mention anything to you, booked a DJ and contemplated a petting zoo (your mother begged him not to push through with that), and decorated your living room all by himself. you'd never felt so loved before, the muscles in your cheeks strained from how the smile had never left your face.

and then later in the evening when everyone had gone home and you'd opened all your presents, jeongin asked you to go on a walk with him so he could give you his. back to your jasmine tree, where he held you against the trunk and kissed you just like he did all those years ago, smile never leaving his lips as he fished a tiny pink box from his jacket leaning impossibly closer to you to reveal the necklace with a j dotted with a tiny heart and a whisper of "will you be my girlfriend? like officially?"

and you couldn't find the words, so emotionally overwhelmed that all you could do was start to tear up and. poor, poor jeongin who mistook your silence for hesitance stuttering a "i- i asked your parents, they said it's okay. i promise to take care of you always, y/n. cross my heart." and of course you had said yes, practically leaping into his open arms with a squeal, wrapping your own arms around his neck and kissing him silly. then he walked you home wrapped in his jacket, fingers laced tightly with yours, his initial sitting prettily on your neck.

two years later and he's still who you come home to, surprised to find that going to different colleges has not affected your relationship in the slightest. if anything, it makes you even more excited to drive home and find your boyfriend already waiting for you, sitting on your front steps like a poor puppy.

the sound of your car pulling into the driveway alerts him, head perking up at the sound and absolute bliss washing over his features when he sees you running over to him, dropping your bag right there on the grass and hurling yourself at him. he catches you, arms instinctively wrapping around your middle as he hugs you, an excited "baby!" spilling out from him as he buries his face in your hair, breathing deeply and taking your scent in.

"i missed you sooo much." you sigh, melting right there against his chest, and jeongin can't help but chuckle.

"yea? you just saw me this morning, pretty." he playfully nudges you with his shoulder when you pull away, immediately lacing his fingers with yours as he bends down to pick your bag up before he slings it over his shoulder.

"well yea, but! i didn't see you for over five hours." you whine, leading him up the front steps and fishing in your pocket for the keys to your house.

"and we can't have that, can we?" jeongin teases you, but you know he handles the separation much worse. you could bring up the fact that he literally waited outside of your house for you to come home instead of waiting at his place (right across the street btw).

"course not." you shrug, pushing open your front door to be greeted by a furry ball running towards you at full speed, jumping on you so his front paws land on your thighs. you push past your dog, greeting him with scratches behind his ears and somewhat aggressive head pats.

"oh, i missed you too ayennie. did you miss me? missed mommy huh?" you coo at your dog as jeongin scoffs, closing the door behind you and placing your bag on the couch.

"can't believe you named a dog after me." jeongin shakes his head down at you as you sit on the floor cross-legged, letting your furry friend lick your face as his tail shakes in excitement.

"you're the one who gave him to me?" you remind him, shooting him a nasty look for making fun of your dog.

"yea. didn't expect him to replace me in the hierarchy of your heart, though." jeongin sighs, sitting next to you and scratching ayen's butt.

"oh dont be silly," you coo at your boyfriend, "you're still number one. you're just sharing your spot with ayennie!" jeongin playfully rolls his eyes at you, but his cheeks turn pink anyway. "oh my two favorite boys." you coo lovingly, embracing ayen with one hand and pinching jeongin's cheek with the other.

but besides inheriting his father's name, ayen had also inherited jeongin's attitude, suddenly pushing himself away from you and trotting out of your reach before you could pull him back to you. you whine in protest, but your dog seems to have completely forgotten about you opting to violently chew on his favorite tennis ball.

"now that the beast is gone," jeongin stands up, stretching and ignoring your scoff, "how about you show your real favorite boy some attention, hm?" jeongin offers his hand to you, pulling you up and towards him so you're chest to chest.

"i really did miss you, baby." jeongin whispers against your lips before he finally kisses, you, one arm wrapped around your waist to hold you securely against him, other hand cupping your cheek so softly, cradling your face as if you were the most fragile thing he's ever held. you loved kissing jeongin, loved how soft his lips were against yours, loved how he always tasted so sweet, like candy, and the way he would gently lick at your lips had always left you feeling so dizzy.

he starts to walk you backwards, softly moaning into your mouth when your hands come up to tangle themselves into his hair, tugging slightly. he hisses when you pull, bringing a smile to your lips still pressed to his.

"my naughty girl." he tuts, shaking his head and dipping his head lower to nip at your neck. you hum in delight, feeling the back of your knees hit the sofa's armrest, squealing when jeongin gently pushes you backwards. you giggle when his weight falls on top of you, a smile on his lips when he settles so he's angled in between your legs, careful not to crush you with his full weight.

and then there was The Silence. the one that always made the air feel thick, your throat go dry and your pulse quicken to the point you'd feel like you'd faint. the one that always happened whenever he was on top of you like this, bodies pressed together and leaving no inch of skin untouched, especially when jeongin would run his hands up and down your sides.

"you okay, baby?' jeongin mumbled against your collarbone when he felt you tense up under him, hands frozen and gripping onto his hoodie while his fingers pushed the hem of your shirt upwards so he could feel your bare skin.

"mhm." you hummed back.

"need to hear you say it. say 'yes, innie. im okay." he looks down at you, fingers coming up to rest at your neck, playing with the little "j" around your neck.

because contrary to what all your friends (and probably your parents) think, you've never gone past second base with jeongin. it wasn't a matter of fear or waiting for the right person, but you were always so genuinely overwhelmed whenever things would get slightly heated, embarrassed at the thought of cumming too early, too quickly, of seeming too eager. so you took your time and of course jeongin was patient with you, whispering 'its okay baby. lets just cuddle' even when he was kneeling shirtless in between your legs.

"yes innie," you repeated, voice breathy from the way jeongin was looking down at you, deep brown eyes suddenly a little darker. "i'm okay."

"good. you know that's all i want right, baby? for you to be okay. to feel good and safe." jeongin reassures you, arm resting beside your head as his fingers brush away the strands of hair that covered your face.

"i know, baby." you sigh. and you did feel okay. you did feel safe. you wanted to feel good, wanted it so bad, but never knew how to say it. so you did what you always did: gently pushed at jeongin's abdomen. the reaction was instant. your boyfriend bent down for one more chaste kiss before sitting up between your legs. rubbing up and down your thighs affectionately before offering you his hand and pulling you to sit up so you were face to face. he'd never sigh, never even hinted at disappointment, no matter if you were both half naked or if you had your hand wrapped around his cock, no matter how painfully hard he was and deliciously wet you were, he'd stop.

"i love you." jeongin whispers, kissing the tip of your nose.

"i love you." you mumble back, smiling gratefully back at him.

he gave your thigh one more playful pinch before he stood up, walking over to the kitchen and leaving you to steady your breathing.

"are mum and dad coming home for dinner? i could start cooking for them if you want." he calls to you, opening your refrigerator and scanning the different things he could use to make a meal. you feel a slight blush tint your cheeks. you loved hearing jeongin refer to your parents as mum and dad, always made your insides all warm and fuzzy.

"ah no," your voice is uneven as you sit up. "they have that trip to seoul with their real estate friends." you sigh, hugging your knees to your chest as you watched your boyfriend peek his head up from behind the refrigerator door.

"so it's just you here tonight?" he asks, voice laced with concern.

you shrug. "yea. its okay, ayen will keep me company."

jeongin clears his throat, walking back over to you with his hands in his pockets. "maybe... maybe we could have a sleepover? the way we used to when we were little?" he places a hand on your knee, looking adorably bashful as he refuses to make eye contact.

"id really like that, but. i dont think your mom would allow you to sleep here without parental supervision." you tease him, playfully poking his sides with your foot.

"i dunno, she really likes you! and she trusts me anyways." he catches your foot, gently massaging it and leaning forward to rest his chin on your knee.

"do you think she should be trusting you?" you tease, but jeongin only smirks.

"there should be no reason for her not to. right?" he hums, watching in satisfaction as your cheeks turn red, masking it with a scoff as you shake your head.

"well, i'd love for you to sleepover, innie." you coo, squealing when jeongin hums back, turning his head and playfully sinking his teeth into your knee.

you loved whenever jeongin would sleepover. it made your heart jump, the thought of being able to wake up next to him. the slow, steady sound of his breathing, the feeling of his arms wrapped securely around you, his heartbeat steadily matching yours as you lay in his embrace. you loved how domestic it all was, watching as he prepared dinner for the both of you, back turned to you as he stirred instant ramen in a pot.

you sat by the counter, ayen sleeping peacefully in your lap. you could watch your boyfriend cook forever, the way his eyes narrowed as he read the instructions, slender fingers tearing at the package and letting the noodles boil in a pot. he turned to you, sweet smile on his face at the sight of your loving gaze.

"anything you need from me, princess?" he cooed, bending over the counter to press a kiss to your forehead.

"you look so cute, cooking dinner for me. can't wait to watch you cook for me every night in the future."

"in the future, huh?" he smirks, clearly teasing you. it works, the way heat rushes to your cheeks. you try to play it cool, rolling your eyes with a shake of your head. "you plan on keeping me around that long?"

his question takes you by surprise, your cool demeanor suddenly vanishing, evaporating into thin air. "w-well... i mean, of course, innie."

your genuine honesty warms his heart, and he cant help the little 'aww' that escapes him. "you're literally the cutest ever." he sighs, planting a soft kiss on your lips. "how about you put our favorite movie on, hmm pretty? we can eat our ramen while watching."

you nod, running upstairs to grab two pillows and a blanket, before racing down the stairs to prepare the living room for your movie night. another thing you loved about sleepovers with jeongin: you got to cuddle whenever you wanted, even while eating your dinner. you were completely invested in the first twenty minutes of the movie, that was until you both finished your ramen and cleaned the dishes, before settling back comfortably on the couch. jeongin sat behind you, legs spread wide so you could settle in between his thighs. your back was pressed to his chest, his head shifting from resting on both of your shoulders. his arms secured you tightly against him, guaranteeing that no matter how hard you squirmed, you could never escape his hold.

you dont even recall the what happens in the movie after the thirty-minute mark, too focused on the way jeongin was kissing you. most movie nights ended like this, with your back pressed against jeongin's chest as he kissed you just as you liked, hands groping you everywhere he could reach.

but there was something different in the way he was kissing you tonight, much more needy, much more intense. he groaned against you, hands shyly making their way under your shirt, thumbs just barely grazing your underboob. you gasped at the feeling, mouth hanging open as jeongin continued to kiss down your neck.

"will you let me play with you tonight, pretty?" he asked, teeth grazing your neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. you can only nod, but jeongin tuts behind you.

"what'd i say, pretty baby? need to hear you, remember? now say 'yes, innie. play with me.'"

his hands come up to play with your breasts more confidently now, pads of his fingers lightly grazing your nipple as it starts to pebble under his gentle touch.

"yes, innie. please play with me." you whine, voice small.

"hmm, cute baby. so cute when you're all shy for me." jeongin hums, other hand tilting your chin towards him so he could kiss you full on the mouth, tongue licking against your bottom lip. you open up for him, letting him thrust his tongue into your mouth. one hand continues to grope your breast, slightly pinching your nipple in between his index and middle finger. his other hand ventures downwards, past the expanse of your stomach, tips of his fingers dipping into the waistband of your sleep shorts.

he feels you freeze against him, tensing in his hold and he instantly pulls away. "stop?" he asks you, raising his hands away from you, holding them up as if in surrender.

"no," you whine at the loss of contact, and jeongin swears he's never heard you sound so needy, bringing a small smile to his lips.

"what do you need from me then, baby?" he coos, trying not to chuckle when you turn over, eager to place your lips against his.

"upstairs, please. in my room." your tone is serious, but jeongin has to double check you're sure.

"baby, in your room? are you sure? really, really sure?" he prays to any god that listens for you not to change your mind.

"need you so bad, innie." you whimper, and jeongin groans. fuck, you're begging him. he could never say no to you.

he leads you up the stairs, throwing the door to your room open so violently you fear he's ripped it off the hinges, but you don't have time to scold him when his mouth is instantly on yours, pressing you impossibly closer to him. his hands find the hem of your shirt, mumbling a quick, 'please, need this off so bad.' before he practically tore it off you, as if disgusted at the mere thought of having the cloth on you. his hoodie is quick to come off as well, throwing it at a random corner in your room. he pulls away to stare at your bare chest, a heavy sigh leaving him when his gaze rises to your eyes.

"you're so beautiful, you know that?" his hands find purchase on your bare waist, slightly squeezing before pulling you closer to him, so that your bare chests press against each other. "literally, i've never seen something so close to perfection. could stare at you all day, pretty."

his lips latch onto your neck as he walks you backwards to your bed, gently laying down as he sucks dark purple marks on the junction of your shoulder. "let them see, baby." he breathes when you open your mouth to scold him. he continues to kiss down your body as you adjust yourself comfortably on your pillows, jeongin's nose rubbing against your abdomen.

"gonna let me strip you, hmm? everything comes off tonight. is that okay?' he double checks with you, fingers already hooking into the waistband of your shorts, tugging them down your thighs when you give him a hurried nod of approval. he kisses down your legs as the fabric leaves you, letting it fall down your bed as he crawls back up to you.

"want my fingers?" he hums, smiling down at you when you whine in response.

"god, yes. please, innie? need your fingers in me so bad." you're close to tears, and he's barely done anything to you yet.

"don't beg me, baby. i might blow my load before we even have some fun." he chuckles, already tugging your underwear down your hips and onto the floor.

jeongin's seen you completely naked a handful of times, but every time his eyes land on your cunt, he can't help the groan that leaves him. he thinks it's the prettiest thing ever, leaning down to kiss right below your belly button.

"seriously, baby. prettiest pussy i've ever seen." jeongin rarely swore, and god was it a treat to hear such lewd things come out of his mouth, had you arching your back against the bed in desperation.

"touch me jeongin, please. might go crazy if you don't." you whimper, hands finding his and dragging it to your core. your boyfriend just chuckles, bringing his hand to your mouth and slipping two fingers past your lips.

"suck for me." he commands, watching in delight as you obey, licking and sucking at his middle and ring finger. his mind starts to wander, and he can't stop the next words from leaving his mouth. "need my cock in your mouth so bad. think you could do that for me, angel?"

it was something you've never done before, but in your lust-filled haze, nothing sounds better than having jeongin's cock down your throat. you moan in response, slurping on his fingers, making them even wetter. jeongin groans at the feeling before he gently pulls away from your mouth.

he brings his fingers down to your already wet cunt, swiping in between your folds to collect your slick. "you're so fucking wet." jeongin gasps in awe, your cheeks turning red at the lewd sound of how wet you are against his fingers.

"have to let me eat this pussy after." he mumbles, slowly dipping his finger into you. you moan at the intrusion, the feeling of jeongin's long fingers settling in your walls. he starts to slowly pump them in and out, curling his finger and searching for the spongy spot that makes you-

"fuck!" you throw your head back in pleasure, fingers gripping your bedsheet tightly as jeongin smirks, adding another finger and continuing to hit and prod at that same spot.

"oh, innie." you whimper, lifting your head to look into your lover's eyes, moaning in surprise to see his pupils so blown out, gaze so heavy on you. he licks his lips as he watches you, holding eye contact as he slowly lowers his mouth on you.

the moment jeongin's tongue kitten licks against your clit, you lose it. cumming around his fingers, pussy clamping down so hard jeongin faintly wonders how it would feel around his cock. he doesnt stop, pumping his fingers in you even faster as his lips completely wrap around your clit and suck.

"oh.. what the fuck." you're rendered speechless, mouth hanging open as silent moans escape you. the wet feeling of his tongue on you is so foreign, has your thighs shaking around his head. jeongin can't help the smile that makes its way to his face, pinning your body down to the mattress as he removes his fingers, opts instead to swipe at your slit with his tongue.

"jeongin, fuck! what the hell." you can't even breathe at this point. jeongin's mouth is sloppy against you, but he doesn't stop planting open mouthed kisses against your pussy, slurping up all your liquid as if he'd die without it. you're a withering moaning mess above him and jeongin is so fucking hard at this point, rutting against your bed for some sort of pleasure.

your fingers tangle in his hair and it has jeongin moaning against you, making your back arch against the bed. "fuck, innie. please, please, don't- don't stop, please." you beg him, jaw going slack when he shoves his tongue in your pussy, mind going blank when his lips wrap around your clit once more and he starts to shake his head. you cum in his mouth one more time, thighs still shaking as jeongin crawls up to hover above you, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"you taste so fucking good baby," jeongin mumbles as he kisses you, laughing when you struggle to kiss him back. "need to do that all the time. you'll let me, wont you baby? let me out whenever i want?" jeongin hums, carressing your cheek with his thumb.

"that? yea- you- yea. whenever you want. innie you can eat me out whenever you want." you breathe, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer to kiss you. he hums into the kiss, resting some of his weight on you. you start to get your thinking back and slowly register the feeling of jeongin's hard cock on your thigh. your skin is wet and sticky from the precum that leaks from the tip, and literally nothing else is in your brain besides the fact that you want to taste it.

"innie?" you ask, fingers slowly trailing down his back, following the curve of his spine until they rest on his waist.

"yea, baby?" he hums, nudging your neck up with his nose, burying his face there and leaving open kisses there.

"you'll let me suck you off, won't you?"

jeongin's breath catches in his throat and he pulls away from your neck to stare down at you incredulously. "what."

"i want to suck you off."

"do you- do you even know what that means, baby?"

you roll your eyes at him, small smile painted on your lips. "of course i do. it's when im on my knees and your cock is in my mouth and i suck until you cum down my th-"

"okay stop talking i might cum." jeongin groans, subtly grinding against your thigh.

you can't help but giggle, and jeongin pinches your sides in retaliation. "well why don't you wanna do it know then, huh? if you're such a big girl." jeongin teases you.

you shrug. "want you to fuck me instead."

jeongin feels like he's been shot in the heart.

"what?"

you turn away from his gaze, heat spreading across your cheeks and down your neck as you whine, "don't make me say it again."

"no, angel. i need to make sure i wasn't hallucinating just now. what- what did you say?"

"i just-" you're silent for a while, but jeongin waits patiently, gently kissing your cheek in reassurance. "i knew it was always gonna be you, and i know you've been waiting for me and i'm ready now and-"

jeongin interrupts you with a shaky kiss, almost as if he couldn't control the force with which he placed his lips on yours. his kiss steals your breath away, and you think back to the First Kiss, and the kiss on your Seventeenth Birthday. it warms your heart, the thought that no matter how much time has passed, jeongin is still the sweet boy you fell in love with.

"you have to say you're sure." jeongin mumbles agianst your lips when he finally pulls away, deep brown eyes staring into yours.

"promise, innie. i'm sure. wouldn't want it to be anyone but you." you nudge his nose with yours, and jeongin can't help the giggle that escapes him.

"i love you so fucking much, y/n." he sighs, arms wrapping around your body and holding you flush against him.

jeongin pulls away from you and leans to the edge of the bed, fumbling around for his jeans. he pulls out his wallet from his back packet, taking out two condoms.

"two? you're really prepared huh?" you joke, trying to ease your nerves by teasing him.

"not that i planned this or anything,' jeongin quickly defends himself, and you can only chuckle at the panicked look on his face. "always good to come prepared, though."

he rips open the foil package with his teeth, explaining that 'they always do that in the movies' when you giggle at him. you watch as he rolls the condom on, spitting on his hand and spreading it all over his cock.

you can feel your heartbeat in your ears when he looks down at you, breathing uneven when you feel his tip prod at your folds.

"tell me to stop and i swear i will." jeongin whispers, leaning down to gently kiss you. you nod, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as jeongin guides the tip in. it's uncomfortable, the way it sits there but doesn't fully go in, and you wince.

"jeongin, just-"

"s-sorry i'm just so. im so nervous for some reason. i don't- i don't wanna hurt you baby. they say it always hurts the first time and, oh my god, some girls even bleed?? and i don't wanna do that to you baby-"

you shut him up with a kiss, waiting until his breathing has calmed down before you pull away. "it's okay baby. just wanna feel you. all of you." you coo, wiping away the sweat that started to form on his forehead.

jeongin sighs, slowly moving his hips forward, watching your every reaction. he tries, he really does try to be careful, but you feel so tight and hot and wet around him that he can't help but push all the way in, holding his breath until he feels his hips flush against yours.

you hiss at the feeling. it's a lot less painful than you thought, not exactly painful but more of a dull sting from the stretch. jeongin is silent from above you, guilt eating at his heart when he sees you wince.

"you okay, love?" he asks, voice strained.

"mhm. just need to get used to the feeling." you huff, trying to relax your muscles, trying not to clench from the pain.

"fuck, baby. you feel so fucking good. holy shit." jeongin groans, struggling to hold himself on top of you.

"move, jeongin. please." you whimper, the discomfort slowly giving way to pleasure, the tip of his cock kissing your spot so sweetly and it has your legs shaking.

jeongin tries to set a steady pace, wrapping your legs around his waist to feel even more of you, experimenting with every roll of his hips to find the angle that has you clamping down on him.

"baby, i'm so sorry but i literally feel like im going to explode , i dont think i can hold it." jeongin whimpers.

you can only moan in response, the feeling of jeongin's cock dragging against your walls already having you go dumb. "s'okay innie. want you to cum for me." you whisper, pulling him closer to plant a soft kiss on his lips. jeongin adjusts himself so he's resting on his elbows, arms on either side of your head as he rolls his hips into you, hip slapping against the back of your thighs with every thrust. his groans rise in pitch the faster and harder he thrusts, until he stops moving altogether, a low groan rumbling in his throat as he buries his head in your neck. he empties into the condom, hips stuttering against yours in quick thrusts until he pulls out of you.

he quickly ties the condom and throws it into the trash bin by your bed and all but dives into your embrace. you wait until his breathing becomes steady, fingers playing with the baby hair by his nape. he starts to plants soft kisses on your bare shoulder, all the way up to your neck and he meets your jaw, until he starts sloppilly kissing you all over your face. you giggle at his antics. trying to push him away, but to no avail.

"let me kiss your face." he whines, pinning your hands down and continuing his attack on your cheeks. you start to laugh, pulling your face out of his reach. he pouts playfully at you, leaning down to give you a final kiss on your lips. short and sweet, but you can feel every ounce of love that he gives you through that single kiss.

"can't believe we did that." he sighs once he pulls away from you, settling by your side and manhandling your body so you're cuddling into his side, head on his chest and your limbs draped over his body. "promise i'll make you cum on my cock next time." jeongin shakes his head, and you playfully hit his side.

you both lay there in silence for a while, until jeongin sighs and turns to face you. "i love you, y/n. always have. for as long as i could remember. and i will forever and ever and ever."

you hum at him, kissing the tip of his nose. "i love you, jeongin. always have."

jeongin has always been yours. will always be yours.

taglist: @abcdefgiwsmcty @n034sy @148-seungmin

hi thank u for letting me tag u and for being a part of my permanent taglist! just tell me if you wanna be removed HAHA and pls reply if you wanna be added to my taglist! okay thats all bye i love u all

#skz smut #seung mong!#jeongin x reader #jeongin smut #jeongin fluff #skz fluff #childhood friends to lovers #virginity loss #soft fluffy smut #holy shit i have tears in my eyes #i want my own jeongin #pls send me asks my head is empty

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wraithdance · 25 days ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/wraithdance/765961917651140608/i-really-liked-your-explanation-of-the-whole?source=share

I am really bad at articulating my thoughts but I think about this a lot as someone who hopes to 1- major in neuroscience (i'm 18, going to uni next year) and 2- is trans. I know being trans is not the same thing at all as POC experiences with fic, very cognizant of that, but more to the point where I relate to the aspect of not being able to get over the like mental wall of seeing "neutral" readers as me? I don't know what my brain is doing when i read certain fics but sometimes i can't do it.

I feel like I should close read some of my favorite fic and least favorite fic to see if there are triggers I didn't notice on the first read. does that make sense or seem similar to what you experience? Again I know it's not the same thing, but like i am so curious as to what cis straight white people put in their fic that makes it so obvious that they're cis straight white.

I am sorry if this bothers you, really not my intentions, I am obviously a future brain nerd and i can't stop thinking about this

Congratulations fellow Nerd! You've activated my interest in Race theory and fandom writing from an academic perspective!

Writing reflects life and to answer this question properly, I have to talk about life shit to catch you up to speed, (this should help if you take a sociology or cultural anthropology class lmao) So, Welcome to:

Calvary yaps: Sociology & Intersectionality in fandom writing 101!

Disclaimer: I'm just a random bitch on the internet who loves English and the ridiculousness of social hierarchies, this will be referencing American social constructs and in groups only, with a focus on my experience as a Black American woman who reads a shit ton of books. Don't fight me if you hate my explanation, I will simply not respond.

Read my house rules before sending me an ask, I'm just being a dumb ass rn and word vomiting my interests, so pls i beg no follow up questions unless I say I'm open to em later.

Definitions to know:

Socialization: the act of preparing individuals to participate in society by learned social norms taught in ones family or social settings like school/friend groups. (one can be socialized in gender, race, cultural practices, etc.)

Social Hierarchies: systems of social organization in which some individuals enjoy a higher social status than others (in my opinion this is a lingering safety measure from lizard brain cavemen hunter/gatherer days)

Intersectionality: A term coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw; The process of acknowledging the unique parallels a marginalized person experiences when they have more than one marginalization (ie: race, class, gender, sexuality, ability, size, etc.)

Matriarchal society: Social groups/family structures that center female figures as representatives of authority.

Implicit Bias: Unintentional bias a person may have towards a group or individual based on learned stereotypes, prejudices, perceptions based on another's background or state of being.

first, yes anon you are making sense! So the main question:

'What cis straight white people put in their fic that makes it so obvious that they're cis straight white?'

I've been mulling this question around in my head for a few days and tried to figure out how to articulate this without going into depth in Sociological theory, but I can't! So here we are lmao, this is long as fuck so TLDR here.

I've talked to a LOT of Black and PoC people over the last months because I thought I was the only one who felt strange or could tell immediately when a writer was white, despite doing the best job they could to be neutral.

Every person I spoke to agreed they could tell right away even if we don't share similar racial backgrounds.

The answer I've come up with to why that is, is because white people are socialized (taught by society/their parents how to behave) in a way many black and PoC people are not, so their reader characters will often act in a way PoC people have learned not to, so it flags for many of us.

I plan to answer another question about this at a later date so an example is with shit like:

An over deference to hyper masculine male characters (for PoC cultures like certain Black/Latine groups that are often matriarchal in nature and don’t ascribe to as many traditional gender roles, this is a flag), lack of interpersonal/familial connection, over meekness, no challenging of external factors so things just HAPPEN to the reader and lack of awareness of surroundings to name a few.

A lot of the language of the irl world places white cis people from Western countries as the default and everyone else as others. In which, PoC people have learned to navigate the world very carefully with a hyper-focus on what will potentially bring them harm/scrutiny/ostracism especially in white dominant spaces.

That extends to when we have down time while reading or partaking in media smfh.

I'm sure you've had to learn the same as a trans person navigating cis spaces and it's the same with any marginalization! If you are disabled you have an awareness of able bodied people and their expectations, same with being fat amongst skinny people, etc.

The more marginalizations you have, the louder the rules of social hierarchies become. Which is why many marginalized ppl stick close to those who 'get it' in their social groups as an act of safety in numbers. (Many of us attempt to have strong family connection/harmony because of this)

So referring to your comment about being trans is not the same thing at all as POC experiences with fic, it is when you are a Black or PoC trans person! My angel face @/buttdumplin has spoken a lot about that as a Mexican transman reading fics by cis people!

(Please for the love of God no one come to me explaining how marginalized they are so they shouldn't be lumped in with the white ppl PoC are cognizant of, I will check myself into a psych ward)

So what does that gotta do with reading fics?

No matter what anyone thinks, it is damn near impossible to not frame your writing from the perspective of your lived experiences. It's why even when I try my hardest to make my characters not sound Black, they will always read that way because I have been Black all of my life!

And it doesn't just happen with race, go on tiktok and search male authors writing women. (or here's another article lmao)

Also ask a Southerner how they know someone has never been to the South and don't know shit about our accents when they write Graves. There are linguistic tells that flag off and why we flame actors who pick up southern accents for their roles.

(They chew on that terrible goddamn Appalachian or Louisiana Accent not realizing Southern accents come in many fonts.)

So when I read a fic about Kyle Garrick from a non black person, I can tell the writer is non black by linguistic implications, the things they emphasize about him and what they don't. It doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy reading fics from non black people, I can just tell!

And sometimes that means I, and other PoC's associate the Reader as a white OC while reading fics.

For example, all black people are not monolithic because of our cultural and regional experiences, but many of us share common threads. That's usually family involvement, colloquialisms, that stupid fucking cookie tin our elders put sewing supplies in...

Other non Black PoC people might share similar cultural practices, so when I'm reading fics from say a latina, I will cock my head and go wait.... are you...? And surely enough, they are a person of color.

But even while reading from a non black PoC, I have to tread carefully because anti black sentiment exists in many cultures, which is why you'll hear me say Black and PoC/Non black people interchangeably.

It’s how the conversation of Implicit bias comes up, because unknowingly non white characters can sometimes be written with a hyper focus that makes them seem inhumanly one characteristic or with little to no background while the other characters are fully fleshed out.

like the character of color is just a stand in to move the plot around white characters forward.

So all that to say, without sometimes meaning to white writers will always sound off to me in a way that my brain can pick up on in the most minuscule ways because my awareness of my blackness/otherness has been drilled in from birth and reinforced by social norms.

I can even tell immediately if a white person has been around only white spaces their whole life with the jokes they tell lol.

In the grand scheme of things the race of the writer is most important to me when something jarring comes up that slaps me away from the experience, it explains so much of the disconnect.

Every marginalized person has a threshold for what they can ignore as a ‘trigger’ before they’re ejected from reader inserts, mine is usually the association with racial historical happenings, certain gender dynamics, etc.

It's why I mention crying like a little bitch when I read my friend Jess's (Kyletogaz) TF 141 Hair series, Dragon’s (Dragonnarative-writes) Transferrable Skills, and even Xavi's (Buttdumplin) Piercing fic.

Reading those fics felt like safety and familiarity. It was a moment where I realized I could drop the mental load I had no idea I was carrying, where I was trying to prepare myself for potential emotional damage and just READ.

It's also why as a Black person who fucks with kink and sex work it's been so touch and go when navigating dark fics/kink fics/fics about Sex workers.

Because there are different rules of engagement non white kinksters have to be aware of and that leads to a point on the collective vs. Individual experience as a PoC in kink, that I’ll eventually make a post about at some point or another. Maybe…

So yeah I’m tired of yapping. I hope this long shit was enough of an explanation!! Thanks to my friends Kiko, Jules, Xavi and Folded for yapping with me so I could articulate this better!!

#asks #calvary talks fandom shit #please I beg don't send me more asks on this #my poor brain needs to focus on some more school shit

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