#sell your watches in UK

[webuydiamond1]

Avoiding Common Pitfalls to Avoid When You Sell Your Watches in UK

Learn how to avoid common mistakes when selling your watches in the UK. Maximize your profit with expert tips and secure transactions.

[l0stglitch]

Platonic yandere lost boys

Notes- I’ve had this idea for an au in my head for a while now after reading the lost boys daughter au by @bella-goths-wife. I don’t usually post so sorry if the quality isn’t the best (I’m also from the UK so I might get some slang mixed up 😭).

Warnings- Light yandere behaviour (Reader is unaware), Non violent kidnapping

• You moved to Santa Carla when you were young- around 6 or 7.

• After a fatal illness stole your father’s life- you, your mum and your two half siblings packed your bags and left for the coastal town.

• Unlike your siblings, you seemed to instantly fall in love with Santa Carla. Your little eyes wide as you took in the beauty of the vast beaches with their towering palm trees.

• To say you settled in quick would be an understatement.

• It was only a month or two after moving that you first met them.

• Your siblings, much to their dismay, had been tasked with watching over you for the night.

• The moment your mother had left you to do her ‘adult chores’ (no one had bothered to tell you what she was actually doing) the two of them were quick to do their own thing.

• Kelly, being 16, left to go and chat up a couple of guys with her friends.

• Sean stuck with you a little longer than his sister had, however upon seeing a group of kids from school, the 14 year old mumbled some half-hearted excuse and told you to stay by the carousel before promptly ditching you.

• So that left you, a defenceless child, all alone.

• You weren’t particularly bothered, after all, this wasn’t the first time they had left you by yourself.

• You found it interesting to watch all the different people go by.

• Santa Carla was a lot more diverse in terms of population compared to your previous home.

• There, you had lived a pretty sheltered life. Only exposed to a small slice of the world. Everyone there was like you. Or at least, like your family.

• Here though, everyone was different.

• You thought it was amazing.

• Dwayne noticed you first. An alarmingly young child sat by the carousel all by yourself. He didn’t usually take much notice of the people around him, but seeing you alone had awakened some long forgotten feeling from within.

• He wasn’t sure if that uncomfortable squirming in his stomach was some strange vampiric instinct Max had failed to tell them about, or if there was still some humanity left in his unbeating heart.

• Either way, it put him on edge.

• The others were quick to notice Dwayne’s change in demeanour. Particularly David- the self appointed leader of the pack.

• Every now and again the brunette’s gaze would drift over to the carousel, land on you, and then flitter around in search for someone who may be looking after you.

• Needless to say, he couldn’t find anyone.

• After around an hour David grew tired of his partner’s divided attention, and suggested they just ask you where your parents were.

• You’d be lying if you said you weren’t at least a little intimidated by the four men who for some reason had decided to surround you.

• Dwayne crouched down, so that he was at your level, and regarded you thoughtfully. He didn’t smile, but his expression wasn’t exactly threatening either.

• He asked where your parents were, and upon finding out you had no idea, offered to stay with you until someone came looking for you.

• David left, refusing to be seen with a child, and dragged a conflicted Marco with him.

• Much to Dwayne’s surprise, Paul stayed, although it was obvious he was too high to understand what was actually going on.

• For the rest of the night, you stuck by Dwayne’s side as he guided you through the busy crowds of the boardwalk.

• Eventually the three of you stopped at a stall selling handmade jewellery.

• You couldn’t help but stare at one of the necklaces laid out on display.

• To your young brain, it was beautiful.

• The necklace was made of leather, with beads and feathers hanging from a knot at the end.

• Dwayne noticed the way you fixated on the jewellery.

• “Do you like the necklace?”

• You nodded, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically shy. You knew your mama hated jewellery like that. If she were here, she’d scoff and call it ‘tacky’.

• Dwayne didn’t reply. Instead, he turned his attention to the woman running the stall.

• He waited until she had turned away, before snatching the necklace and grabbing your hand.

• You had to jog to keep up with his giant steps.

• Once you were a fair distance from the woman, Dwayne bent to your level and carefully fixed the necklace round your neck.

• It was ridiculously long for you, but you didn’t care.

• “You shouldn’t steal.” You said, looking up at him with an innocent frown.

• Behind you, Paul cracked up laughing, making you flinch at the sudden loud noise. A large hand came down to rest on your little shoulder as Paul crouched next to you.

• He looked between you and Dwayne with a grin, “Hear that Dwayne? Little missy here’s telling you off.”

• Dwayne chuckled slightly at Paul’s comment, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground, as if trying to compose himself.

• When he finally met your eyes, he sent you a gentle smile.

• “Stealing’s only bad if you get caught. If nobody knows you did it then it doesn’t count.” You blinked, not entirely understanding his logic but trusting him nonetheless.

• “Yeah- no point in paying for shit when you can just steal it,” Paul chimed in, patting your head as he stood up.

• Dwayne sent his lover a stern look at his vulgar language but didn’t say anything.

• The three of you continued wandering around for some time after that. You weren’t sure how long it had been since your siblings had abandoned you, but it felt like hours. Your feet had become sore from walking so much, and you were struggling to keep up with Paul and Dwayne’s pace.

• Thankfully, you eventually ran into Sean, who seemed slightly disturbed by the two men you were accompanied by.

• You were surprised by his mistrust towards them: after-all, they had been very kind to you. A small smile graced your face as you remembered the necklace that hung limply from your neck.

• Well, you didn’t care what Sean thought of them. They were nice to you. Nicer than your real family.

• After that incident, you began noticing Dwayne and his other friends more whenever you visited the boardwalk at night.

• Sometimes you’d run away from Sean and Kelly, preferring the attention you got from Dwayne and Marko.

• You were introduced to Marko not long after meeting Dwayne and Paul.

• He had greeted you with a lot more energy than the other two, surprisingly happy to meet you.

• You liked Marko a lot. He always seemed excited to see you, and never grew tired of playing games like hide and seek.

• David, on the other hand, you weren’t so sure on.

• He never spoke directly to you, in fact, you weren’t sure he ever looked directly at you either.

• One night you had asked Dwayne why David didn’t like you. He simply gave you a sad smile and said, “He will one day, Y/n, just give him time.”

• Unbeknownst to you, David did like you.

• He liked the way you giggled at Paul’s jokes. The way you squealed with joy when you caught up to Marko in a game of tag. The way you stared up at Dwayne with absolute adoration every time he spoke.

• It pissed him off how much he liked having you around.

• After all, you weren’t their kid. You already had a family. A neglectful one at that- but a family all the same.

• You weren’t theirs.

• You should be, David thought, watching your face light up as Paul somehow managed to win you a giant bear at a carnival game. You fit in with the pack perfectly. He had never understood Max’s desire to start a family until you had shown up. Whilst at first David couldn’t stand the thought of being seen with such a young child, he now felt a strange, sick sort pride when people saw you with them.

• Unfortunately, he wasn’t the best at showing it.

• But for now, that didn’t matter. You had been living in Santa Carla for around 6 months, and most nights were spent with at least one of the boys.

• You never questioned why they were so eager to see you all the time, or why you only ever saw them when the sun was down and the moon was out.

• To your naive, 6 year old brain, those details were irrelevant.

• Your big sister Kelly, however, thought otherwise.

• She had brought up your strange company over dinner one evening. As per usual, your mother was out, so she had left her eldest daughter in charge food, which unsurprisingly meant that the three of you had ended up eating greasy pizza from a takeaway.

• “You need to stop running off with those creeps, Y/n,” she had told you sternly, taking a small bite out of the slice of pizza in her hand.

• Your gaze dropped down to your lap, and you anxiously began fiddling with your fingers. You hated being told off.

• “But they’re nice to me,” you looked back up and met her eyes timidly, “And they spend more time with me then you two,” you added, looking over at Sean, who kept his eyes firmly fixed on the food in front of him.

• Kelly scoffed at that. “I don’t care how much you like them. You’re 6! Mum’s gonna kill us if she finds out me and Sean left you by yourself!”

• You flinched at her harsh tone, tears beginning to gather in your eyes.

• Sean finally looked up from his food, immediately noticing your distress.

• Your head was bowed, so he couldn’t properly see your face, but a fat droplet falling onto your plate told him all he needed to know.

• “We just don’t want anything to happen to you,” he said gently, leaning in slightly.

• Unfortunately, his words seemed to provide no comfort whatsoever, as you jumped down from you chair and ran out of the room.

• Sean scowled at Kelly.

• “That went well.” He snapped, shoving another slice of pizza into his mouth.

• She glared back at him, “I’m trying to make sure our sister doesn’t get kidnapped.”

• “…Half-sister.” Sean mumbled through the food in his mouth.

• “Yeah.. well she’s still our responsibility- mum’s too busy to help.” Kelly replied, unaware that you were hidden behind the door, listening in.

• You had no idea what a ‘half sister’ was, so hearing Sean’s comment made your throat tighten uncomfortably as you fought another fresh wave of tears. You didn’t understand why you were only ‘half’ a sister. Were you not good enough for him?

• Sean had always been nicer to you than Kelly, but suddenly you weren’t so sure either of them liked you that much.

• Not wanting to hear any more of their conversation, you ran upstairs to your room and buried yourself under the covers.

• You fell asleep quickly. Crying always seemed to make you tired.

• It wasn’t until at least a week later that you were able to see the boys again.

• Your siblings had made sure to keep you in sight every time you went to the boardwalk.

• Fortunately for you, there was a concert one night.

• The crowds made it easy for you to slip out of Sean’s hand and run away as far as possible.

• You weren’t even looking for Dwayne and his friends, really. You just wanted to get away from Sean and Kelly- their conversation about you still fresh in your mind.

• Despite this, you ended up running into David.

• He was leant up against some metal railing, a lit cigarette hanging leisurely from between his lips as he listened to whatever the woman beside him was talking about.

• You weren’t sure what to do. None of the others were around, and you didn’t want to be walking around the boardwalk alone, but you still weren’t entirely sure David actually liked you. Sure- he had never been outright rude to you, but there was something about the way you’d catch him staring at you that creeped you out.

• After significant hesitation, you walked over, your stomach twisting into knots as you caught his eye.

• He seemed slightly surprised to see you, but not necessarily unwelcoming.

• The blonde woman beside him took a step closer to you before squatting down and holding your hands in hers.

• “Are you lost sweetie?” She questioned, her head tilted slightly and her lips curving up into a gentle smile.

• Your eyes jumped from hers to David’s, unsure of what to say.

• He came closer and rested a hand on your small shoulder, giving it an affectionate squeeze. You blinked. This was new.

• “Alyssa, this is my daughter- Y/n.”

• You kept your expression neutral, but internally you were just as shocked as this ‘Alyssa’ woman was.

• “Oh! I didnt realise you..” She started, before trailing off, processing the new information.

• “Well, it’s not something I usually tell people right off the bat,” David replied, completely unfazed by the whole interaction.

• He glanced down at you, almost theatrically, before looking back up and meeting the blonde girl’s eye. “Her mum’s a total druggie, so it’s just us two now,” he continued, lowering his voice slightly with a crestfallen expression.

• Alyssa rubbed your knuckles pityingly before standing back up to her full height and looking at David. “I’m sorry- that’s terrible. Y/n is lucky to have you as a father.”

• David just smiled at that, before glancing down at you, “Y/n, Marko and Paul are hanging around the video store- why don’t you go and say hi. They’ve missed you.”

• You nodded eagerly, offering up a quick goodbye to the pair before running over to the video store, almost tripping over your own feet in your haste.

• You weren’t sure why David had introduced you as his daughter to that nice lady, but you weren’t completely opposed to the idea. David might be scary, you thought, but he would certainly make a pretty cool dad, with his spiky blonde hair and long black trench-coat.

• By the time you had reached the entrance to the store, you were completely out of breath, breathing in short, excited gasps as you walked in.

• For a moment, you were distracted by all the screens. You had never seen so many TV’s in one place, it was hard to know which one to look at.

• Suddenly, a hand came down to rest on your back, jolting you out of your thoughts.

• Turning around, you were surprised to find a man who seemed to be in his 40s or 50s (you weren’t particularly good with ages) smiling down at you.

• He wore a pair of pale rimmed glasses and his brown hair was nearly combed into a side part. The complete opposite of who you were looking for.

• Max knew exactly who you were. He had overheard the boys talking about you numerous times when they thought he was out of earshot, and additionally, he could feel it through their shared vampiric bond.

• He could feel their possessiveness every time you were with your biological family. That burning desire to protect.

• Max wasn’t at all surprised. Despite his boys’ apparent ignorance to the reason behind their strange situation, he knew exactly what was going on.

• You had unknowingly wormed your way into their pack, and they had become obsessed. Unintentionally of course, Max mused. David in particular wasn’t exactly the nurturing type. Despite that, there was little anyone could do to combat their instincts to protect the youngest member of the pack, especially with how vulnerable you were.

• “Hey kiddo, you in need of any help?”

• You blinked up at him, momentarily forgetting why you had ran into his store in the first place.

• “I um- I’m looking for my…” You trailed off, unsure of how to describe your relationship with Marko and Paul to the man.

• “Your parents?” He offered up gently, his eyebrows quirking a little.

• You shrugged timidly. Were they your parents? You weren’t sure at this point. You already had a mum, but she wasn’t around much anymore. What about your dad? You realised you couldn’t remember a whole lot about him.

• Dwayne and his friends seemed to have taken his place. Although you were starting to wonder whether they actually were his friends, or perhaps something else.

• They held hands a lot- particularly Marko and Paul. And when no one was around, sometimes you’d catch them exchanging tender kisses. It reminded you of how your mama and dad used to kiss. She’d often tell you how in love she was with your father. Maybe Dwayne was in love with David, Marko and Paul?

• The two latter individuals strode into view, as if summoned by Max’s question.

• Marko greeted you with an excited grin, “Hi pumpkin! Where’ve you been hiding all this time?” He questioned playfully, picking you up and spinning you around.

• You laughed, happy to see them. “I wasn’t hiding silly!”

• Paul gently hit Marko’s arm, “Stop hogging her man!” He huffed, prying you from his lover’s grasp.

• You wrapped your arms around Paul’s neck, causing him to chuckle slightly.

• “I’ve missed you baby. Where’ve you been?”

• Max, who was stood slightly off to the side now, didn’t fail to notice how keenly they wanted to know your whereabouts.

• For the past week or so, all he had felt through the pack bond was a painful longing for you. It was very sweet, but unfortunately quite distracting for a man who was trying to run a store.

• You smiled sadly at Paul, “Sean and Kelly didn’t want me seeing you guys anymore- they said you were creepy…” You trailed off, noticing how Paul’s expression had grown considerably darker.

• “Did they now?” You looked over at Marko, who had just spoken. He was staring at you intently, almost as if you were the one who had said those things.

• You looked down at the floor and nodded, unable to hold his gaze any longer.

• “You don’t agree with them do you?” Paul asked softly. You weren’t sure you had ever heard him sound so… dejected?

• You quickly shook your head in response, desperate to try and cheer them both up. It made you uneasy seeing Paul sad and Marko angry- they were both usually so cheerful around you.

• “Well, as long as you know that they’re wrong about us,” Marko said with a shrug, his lips forming a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Not that you noticed, only being a young child.

• “I know!” You assured him, smiling back.

• Paul and Marko shared a look, both of them feeling slightly threatened by the apparent worry of your siblings.

• Max cleared his throat, drawing their attention back to him. “Perhaps it’s time you took her back with you.” It came out as more of an order rather than a request, but that wasn’t what bothered Paul and Marko.

• They were more confused about how their head vampire somehow knew exactly what was going on with you and what their plans were.

• “You uh- you know about..?” Paul gestured down to you, frowning at Max, who merely chuckled at the younger vampire’s confusion.

• “Trust me. I know what it’s like to crave a family, that’s only natural for… people like us,” he explained, amused by the bewildered looks that adorned both their faces.

• Max looked down at you briefly, making sure you weren’t paying attention to their conversation before adding, “Might I suggest you get her-” he paused, searching for the right phrase, “-settled in as quickly as possible. The sooner you remove her from that neglectful mother and her spawn, the sooner she’ll forget about them.”

• The harsh choice of words caught them off guard, but neither said anything.

• Marko couldn’t stop the grin from forming on his face, “That shouldn’t be a problem Max,” he replied, resting his hands on your shoulders and crouching slightly so he was eye to eye with you.

• You weren’t sure what had caused his mood to change so erratically, but you weren’t in a hurry to complain.

• “Me and Pauly wanna show you a very special place, but you have to be a good girl for us.”

• Behind him, Paul scoffed quietly at the nickname.

• “I’ll be good!”

• “You promise?” He asked seriously, holding out a pinky finger.

• “I promise.” You answered solemnly, linking your finger with his.

• He nodded, satisfied with your answer before standing to his full height and glancing back at Max, “We’ll see you around then I guess.”

• Max hummed in reply, and watched as the two of them led you out, Paul holding your small hand in his.

• You excitedly squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. “We gotta go find Dwayne and David now, Y/n,” he told you, carefully scanning the surrounding area.

• “I already saw David earlier!” You replied gleefully, trying to tug Paul over to where you had seen him before.

• Marko stopped you before you could lead them over. “David told us to meet back at the bikes,” he countered, mainly speaking to Paul rather than you.

• Paul nodded in agreement, “Yeah I remember now. We should probably head over there then.”

• You felt slightly dejected by the way they had both completely ignored your help, but that feeling melted away as the bikes came into view and you saw David and Dwayne hovering nearby, clearly deep in conversation.

• “Hey! David! Dwayne! Look who we just ran into!” Paul called over, grabbing both men’s attention.

• Dwayne snapped around the moment he heard his lover’s voice, his eyes immediately landing on you.

• “Dwayne!” You cried gleefully, slipping out of Paul’s grip and running over to hug the long haired brunette.

• He embraced you tightly, as if worried you were going to disappear at any moment.

• You were surprised by how firm the hug was, but thought little of it. You were back with your favourite person, and that was all that mattered.

• “I’ve missed you princess.” You smiled, happy to hear his deep voice again after a week of being stuck with your siblings.

• “Me too!” You replied, pulling back so you could look Dwayne in his eyes. He looked like he wanted to hug you more, but refrained from doing so- not wanting you to feel smothered.

• “Marko says that you’re all going to show me somewhere special!” You informed him matter of factly, unable to contain the excitement that was leaking into your words.

• Dwayne’s brows shot up in surprise. He knew exactly where this “somewhere special” was, but he was caught off guard by the suddenness of it all, and the fact that Marko of all people was the one to call the shots.

• His gaze flickered over to said person, shooting him a questioning look.

• David seemed equally confused, almost choking on his cigarette smoke. “Tonight? You knew we were going to wait longer.” His tone sounded slightly more threatening than intended, but he didn’t care. David hated feeling undermined- even if it was from one of the men he loved.

• Marko’s head cocked to the side as he casually met David’s irritated gaze, completely unfazed. “Change of plan I guess. It was Max’s idea, not mine.” He paused momentarily, his brows furrowing slightly, “And those other two kids are starting to become a problem.”

• Had you been a little older, you might’ve realised that the ‘other two kids’ they spoke about were your half siblings, but instead you remained completely oblivious. Unaware of the tension hanging in the air.

• “You told Max?”

• “He already knew,” Paul answered with an unbothered shrug, failing to understand Dwayne and David’s concerns.

• David nodded slowly, not entirely surprised that Max had caught on. “So… we’ll take the kid back to the cave and then sort out our little problem.”

• “The kid? She has a name David,” Dwayne muttered, shooting him a pointed look.

• “Fine. We’ll take Y/n back to the cave.” He hesitated before continuing, “I’m assuming you’ll want her to ride with you?”

• “Well, I was the one who found her first. And Paul and Marko aren’t exactly the safest drivers.” Dwayne shot back defensively.

• “What the fuck man? We’re great drivers!” Paul retorted, nudging Marko, who stumbled slightly at the action.

• The shorter man steadied himself on Paul’s shoulder before nodding passionately in agreement. “Yeah- some might say we’re the best in Santa Carla!”

• David scoffed, “That’s debatable.”

• You were still stood at Dwayne’s side, waiting patiently for the four of them to finish their grown-up conversation.

• You hadn’t been listening very closely, but it seemed like they had finally come to an agreement on something.

• Dwayne squeezed your shoulder, grabbing your attention. “You’re gonna ride with me now Y/n, so you gotta hold on real tight.”

• You felt an uncomfortable twisting sensation in your stomach at his warning. It was probably just the nervousness that came with riding a motorcycle for the first time, but something about the situation felt off.

• “I can’t. Mama doesn’t like motorcycles- she says they’re dangerous.”

• He sighed, “Look sweetheart, I know you think your mum knows best, and that she’s some amazing parent who would do anything for you, but the reality is she’s not.”

• You frowned. Dwayne’s words hurt a lot more than he had intended them too.

• “But she loves me..” You protested timidly, confused by the pitying look he was giving you.

• “Then why isn’t she here looking after you?”

• The question caught you off guard. He had a point. Where was your mum? You hadn’t seen her since yesterday, and even then she hadn’t even spoken directly to you.

• Dwayne took your silence as an answer, cupping your cheeks in his hands and making sure your full attention was on him.

• “She doesn’t matter anymore Y/n. We’re your family now, and we won’t let anything happen to you.”

• “You promise?”

• “I swear Y/n, I won’t ever let anyone or anything hurt you. You’re safe with us- ok?”

• You nodded silently, finding comfort in his words.

• Dwayne smiled reassuringly before picking you up by the waist and placing you onto the back of his motorcycle.

• You watched as the four of them all mounted their rides, before revving their engines and racing down the path.

• It wasn’t a particularly long trip- especially with how fast the boys rode. The whole journey you clung to Dwayne’s waist like your life depended on it, eyes tightly shut and head curled into his back.

• Eventually the five of you stopped near the edge of a cliff. Dwayne twisted round and set you on the ground before dismounting and checking to see if you were ok.

• You nodded wearily, unable to fight the way your eyelids kept fluttering shut.

• “She won’t be able to make it down those steps if she’s practically falling asleep,” David said taking a step closer, “I’ll have to carry her.”

• Dwayne’s head shot up. “I can take her.”

• “You’ve had Y/n for the whole ride- I’m sure you’ll survive the short walk to the cave without her,” David remarked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

• Dwayne glared at the blonde but stepped back to allow him to pick you up.

• You didn’t resist when David lifted you up, it was a relief to not have to worry about standing up, or keeping your eyes open. Your small arms wrapped around his neck and your head came down to rest on his shoulder.

• You were asleep before he even started walking.

• The walk down to the cave entrance was spent in complete silence. They spoke to each other telepathically through the pack bond, discussing what they were going to do about your previous family and how they were going to get you settled into the pack.

• It wasn’t until they reached the cave entrance that anyone spoke.

• “So she’s sleeping in the room we prepared?” Paul asked from behind David.

• “Yeah that’s right.”

• You stirred at the sound of a voice, lazily lifting your head slightly to look at Paul and Marko behind you.

• They were oblivious to your sleepy gaze watching them from David’s shoulder as he carried you through the dimly lit cave.

• Not before long they eventually reached the ‘room’ that had been prepared for you.

• Being in a collapsed hotel, it was an unusual shape, with a ceiling that slanted down towards the far end before abruptly being cut off by the jagged roof of the cave. It wasn’t completely ready yet, so the only furniture was a queen sized bed and an unusually large bean bag in the corner.

• David carefully settled you down onto the bed, and you blinked up at him.

• “This is your room now baby. We’ll decorate it how you like later on, but right now you’ve got everything you need.” Dwayne said softly, crouching down to the side of the bed.

• “Where’s your bed?” You asked through a yawn.

• He smiled, “Not too far.”

• Paul took a step closer. “We’ll be down the hallway, Y/n.”

• Your eyes flickered back over to Dwayne, “Why can’t you just stay here? I don’t like the dark.”

• He gently brushed some of your hair out of your face, “We can stay if you want.”

• You nodded with a smile, and shuffled further into the middle to let him climb in next to you. Dwayne wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer protectively.

• The bed dipped to your left, and you turned over to see who it was.

• You were surprised to see that it was David rather than Marko or Paul, but you didn’t say anything. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep your eyes open, especially with the inviting darkness of your new room. As you were drifting off to sleep, you felt a hand gently rubbing your arm, and the soft murmur of David’s voice.

• “She’s finally ours now.”

Final notes- I do plan on writing more for this au. This was more of an introduction/explanation of how reader ended up being a part of the pack, and it wasn’t originally supposed to be written as an actual fic but I kind of got carried away.

I have some vague ideas for where I wanna take this but nothing is really set in stone at the moment. One thing I do know however is that it will definitely get darker as the reader gets older (sorry if you were hoping for smth fluffy). Updates might be slow so I apologise in advance 🙏

[monstrousproductions]

It's Father's Day here in the UK (and maybe other places too?) and despite being a fake made-up day created to sell greetings cards, it can stir up some feelings - especially if your dad is uhhh not so great.

So, if your dad sucks or you don't have one or you just want another, don't worry! I'm your dad now!

Services offered include:

Falling asleep on the sofa

Never heard of the celebrities you like

Watching TV with my eyes closed

Bruce Springsteen enjoyer

Proud of you

Sneezing loud enough to wake God

Mildly awkward physical affection

Proud of you

Cannot find my glasses

Am wearing my glasses

Proud of you

Proud of you

[neil-gaiman]

hiya Mr Gaiman, so i was lucky enough to study abroad in UK for six weeks, and during my stay there i started to watch good omens. Naturally, I made it my goal to purchase the book from UK and go to a pub to get sherry as Azirphale did ✨ unfortunately I was only successful in completing one of the tasks…

P.S. is sherry a very sweet and “not very good” wine?? because none of the pubs i visited had any 😭

Cheers!

Much love thank you for all that you do x

There are lots of pubs in the UK that have sherry. Googling "Pubs that sell sherry near..." where you are is a good idea.

It is a sweet fortified wine, and tends to be slightly looked down upon as the sort of alcoholic beverage your grandmother would serve the vicar (or indeed the rabbi).

[cheriladycl01]

Summer 2024 - Valtteri Bottas x Editor! Reader

Plot: Being able to work from home is the best thing for you and your travelling F1 boyfriend

You’re job was literally the definition of perfect when it come to spending time with your boyfriend. He travelled a lot, like 24 times a year a lot and it was one of those things that most couples would be concerned that it would but a strain on the relationship but not for you and Valtteri.

You were an editor. That was how you put your job loosely when people asked what you do. When they deep-dived into what you actually did it was a half an hour conversation.

Primarily you were an editor for books, you edited and translated for a British Publishing House. Your work was remote only having to come into the office once every 3 weeks to just show your face and show your boss your progress.

You didn’t have … amazing grades leaving school only really English being your strong suit and became a freelance editor in photography while you lived with your parents.

You then found a love for music editing which really was just a hobby … but you ending up actually selling some stuff and making royalties on things you’d done for companies in your local area.

But when enough was enough and you decided to look for a steadier job you came across an Editorial Assistant Job. You swiped it up, having a love for literacy and reading so it seemed pretty perfect for you and worked your way up to editor.

Being an editor meant you didn’t have to ever really be in the office which to you was great, you could watch Scooby Doo reruns from your childhood whilst editing a smutty fantasy novel and had loads of free time for your side hustles in music editing and photography.

And it was even better when you met your Finnish hunk of a, now husband, then boyfriend.

You could travel to pretty much every race with him, spend time with him at his home in Finland and then spend a few days in the UK in the office for you. You had the healthiest relationship because of how often your routines worked together.

Currently you’d just landed in Baku, you’d done a very long stint, starting with being in England in the rainy weather day in your office talking to your boss and the author of the book you were currently working on. You’d spend the day going through the subtle changes you’d made and any errors you’d found. Your eyes were basically squares by the end of it.

One thing your husband loved about the UK was the pub atmosphere, so you met him at one close to your office building in London.

“Hey honey” you smile warmly at him, as he pushes forward the large glass of white wine he’d brought for you not so long ago as you could see the condensation on the outside of the glass.

“How was work?” He asked, Valtteri never really understood your job. He never knew what you were working on, or who you were emailing and on the phone too so it was always better to ask the broader questions.

“It was good, sooooo much progress on the book that I think I may be able to submit way earlier than the deadline and it be way better than Hallie anticipated” you grin, this project with the current book you were working on was something Valtteri did know about as you were so excited about it that you constantly talked to him about it.

“Yeah, that’s good, means we can spend some time in Amsterdam before Zandvoort?” He asks with a grin knowing you loved to go to the races a little earlier so that you could see more of the country that it was in, as you’d seen the tracks and the surrounding town or city so often you knew these like the back of your hand. So it was nice to explore other parts.

“Amsterdam sounds like fun! And yes I think I’ll finish reading the epilogue this weekend on the flight to the Netherlands, how does that sound?”

“Perfect as always” he replies cheersing you before kissing the side of your head lightly.

And then you found yourself in the both stormy and sunny weekend Zandvoort brought to you where you had a very amusing time editing a video of the Stake team members for their TikTok account that had amused everyone.

You’d only really done that because you had free time, your submitted the current project you were working on, and your boss at the publishing company hadn’t emailed you anything new so you decided to help admin edit some posts and photos to help get engagement. It was fun spending time with Valterri and the team just goofing around on Thursday before and intense weekend started.

You always loved the feelings of race weekend. Sitting in the hospitality while Valtteri and Zhou were in team briefings editing away whatever you felt like on your laptop before putting it away to watch the race. You loved the garage and talking to all the mechanics, you truly were part of the team.

After Zandvoort you spend 2 days there in the gorgeous town, talking bike rides through flower filled fields and taking pictures of cute little windmills and thatched roofs.

And then you’d ended up in the scorching heat of Milan and Monza where you’d gone shopping with Valtteri and he’d treated you to some really nice things in the fancy stores you’d never dream of affording.

You’d not actually been spotted by anyone which was strange as you always saw your husband as someone that has very notable features … ie his platinum blonde mullet.

“What about this, I think you could use a dress like this” Valtteri held up a green silk dress from Prada showing it to you and spinning it.

“And where would I wear that?” You laugh knowing it was far to fancy for anything you normally did.

“Mmmm anniversary dinner, a wedding, a award ceremony… end of season party with everyone, the 2025 car launch…” he grins naming all the various places.

You were the definition of a private wag. Your Instagram was private and had been for the many years you’d been with Valterri, so going to these events you always had to dress up very nice.

“I never usually wear green though” you comment looking at the deep emerald colour being presented to you.

“Mmmm but you’d look incredible in this” he says holding it up against your body just to double check.

“I mean you’d look more incredible with nothing but …” he teases and you immediately blush.

“Valtteri! You can’t say stuff like that here” you gasp looking around the shop before looking back at him. He’s just smiling and you lightly push his shoulder back.

“You can’t do that” you say shyly. He makes you go into the changing room to try the dress on for him before he ends up buying it for you.

But after the race you spend some time on Lake Como in a cute little AirBnB that was closer to Switzerland and went on a small little relaxation retreat. You guys went to the spa and went on a boat road on the lake and swimming in cold water.

And finally you made the long flight to Azerbaijan… you were pretty tired from all the changes, but with a new project from your boss you were able to stay busy.

y/user

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y/user: 🇬🇧> 🇳🇱 > 🇮🇹! Next up 🇦🇿

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valtteribottas: Love spending everyday with you 🇫🇮❤️

-> y/user: I love it more ❤️

user1: so cute 😩

stakef1team: thank you for all the cool videos and photos you edited for us 🍀💚

-> y/user: always welcome friends at stake 🫣

user2: I’d love your job! What do you do?

-> y/user: I’m an editor :)

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Baku time now 🇦🇿

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[mistydeyes]

hey, can i please request headcanons of 141 boys with reader that is a youtuber?

omg yes ofc! i used to (and still am) a HUGE YOUTUBE WATCHER so this was so fun to do :) thank you again for requesting!

vidcon but the uk version

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summary: You're not any regular civilian, you're a Youtuber ;) In all seriousness, here's some headcanons of how the boys interact with your channel and support you!

pairing: 141 x YouTuber!Reader

warnings: swearing

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price - beauty and skincare

you were already big on YouTube when you met John

he can't go into a Sephora without someone mentioning your latest video or TikTok

someone would assume you were an employee based on how you were able to help the fan pick out the best skincare and makeup

he was shocked at the sheer number of brand deals you participate in

he also is in awe at the corner you had dedicated to your ring light and makeup desk with a nice camera set-up

when you eventually move in together, he's just used to the number of parcels you get daily

he will insist on at least giving you some money when you do a beauty haul (even though you tell him you don't need it)

one time he tried to surprise you by picking out some things that you mentioned

now your most popular video is “trying out makeup that my boyfriend picked out”

his only annoyance is when you accidentally stain one of the face towels

eventually just buys a new set meant specifically for you when you wash off a look

you're planning on having a new video where you do skincare on him and finally get at some of his blackheads

soap - gaming

prior to meeting Johnny, you already had a sizable channel

you primarily did long lets plays and the occasional stream

your setup is absolutely gorgeous -i'm talking led lights, two monitors that have the best processing power, pro gaming chair, and posters

it took awhile to curate but it's your baby and you make sure he knows that

loves watching you game and will occasionally keep you company for those long streams

it reminds him of when his younger siblings would watch him game on their early Playstation and X-Box consoles

your subscribers love when he's there though because he has the best reactions

your most popular video? "my boyfriend plays five nights at freddy's ⚠️headphone warning⚠️"

despite having amazing technical skills on the field, his multitasking sucked and he would always forget to check on foxy or overuse the battery

you had a great time editing the video after and emphasizing the jumpscares

he won't subject you to rewatching your videos with him but he likes watching other channels or collars you've done

"This guy is absolute shite" "I know, that's why I don't play multiplayer with him anymore"

he'll be so excited if you ever get invited to a big event like Pax, E3, or Gamescom

you basically have to keep him on track as he loves stopping in artist's alley and looking at all the trinkets and merch people are selling

make sure to bring a huge suitcase because your game room is getting a few new additions

gaz - internet documentaries

think of Internet Historian or Down the Rabbit Hole vibe

your channel is dedicated to internet phenomena like Florida Man or the movement to Storm Area 51

you'd tell the facts of the trend and then add a few funny commentary pieces

usually your videos are 45 min to an 1 hr long so a lot of work goes into it

it's more of a hobby than anything but Kyle always thinks the amount of research you do for it is insane

"Babe I think you need a new laptop" "Why?" "I always know you're about to make a new docu-series because it sounds like a fucking airplane takin off"

once your laptop doesn't sound like its going to blow up, he'll be sure to keep you company as you write down your script

"Did you know that there was a convention for X or X happened?" is how most of your conversations go

he'll always smile and let you give him a spark notes version of what happened

will be the one telling you too sleep and that you can continue editing tomorrow

loves when companies send you things for ad reads

hoards all of the items from Dollar Shave Club and Raycon (his absolute favorite sponsor of yours)

he'll occasionally watch your videos while he's cooking or at the gym

always loves learning something new even if its about a failed furry convention

"I liked your latest video" is such a huge compliment from him because he knows how much effort you put into it

he'll occasionally feed you ideas that he sees while he's scrolling through social media

"You should do something on Hat Man" "WHO??" "Yk the guy you see when you take too much Benadryl, apparently Soap sees him too"

ghost - asmr

tbh doesn’t think much about your channel

you’ll just occasionally leave the room to record or crack some slime in front of a camera

however when your channel is mentioned in conversation, he considers revisiting

“have you heard about this asmr thing?” Gaz asked the group and Soap immediately interjected

“OH YEAH some of them are amazing to watch alone,” he said with a wink

“Like this account-“ Soap wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Ghost snatched the phone out of his hand

“Sorry just couldn’t see it” he apologized and he tried to suppress his disgust that someone else was listening to you at night like that

after that, he takes another look and watches a few of your more popular videos

ofc its your series roleplaying as a nurse or doctor taking care of someone

as well as one where you act like a sleepy girlfriend waking up next to their significant other

he will never say that he watches your videos but you do notice the uptick in views and likes (it's a cute little secret of his)

one time you attempted to ask all these questions about being in the military to help you write dialogue for your latest combat medic series

"People seriously want stuff like that?" "You'll be surprised, not tell me what you usually have in your pack"

he will cringe when you pull your asmr voice on him and whisper in your ear

"Cut that shit out."

[dreamwatch]

Mine is Yours

Written for @corrodedcoffinfest

Day #23 - Prompt: Up And Coming | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: None | POV: Eddie | Pairing: None | Tags: Fluff, good Uncle Wayne, good nephew Eddie, the Munsons

It’s been a year since Eddie’s been home. 

He pulls up outside the trailer in Forest Hills. Wayne’s truck is more beat to shit than he remembers, but the thing was on its last legs when he left for Indy in ‘87. Theres gaffer tape holding up the rusting rear bumper, and the tires are near bald.

He let’s himself inside, careful not to wake Wayne; the one blessing that came from all the shit of 1986 was that the government gave them a double wide and the old man finally got a bedroom again. That was the one thing Eddie could never quite shake the shame of, especially when he was a high school senior seemingly unable to graduate. He’s hoping today’s visit will make up for it a little. 

He takes his sneakers off, new ones he only bought a few weeks ago, lines them up neatly next to Wayne’s work boots, then heads into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. He had an early start, and what with the flight from LA (a flight!) and the drive from Indy, he’s aching for sleep.

He takes his coffee over to the couch, the red pleather one they picked up for a steal (because it was ugly as shit, Robin had said), puts his feet up and closes his eyes. Just for a minute.

“—die. Eddie. Hey, rise and shine.”

He wakes with a gasp, wisps of a memory, of leathery skin and tails and razor teeth.

“Wayne?”

“There he is.” Wayne straightens up, back cracking as he does. “You never said you were coming, or am I going senile?”

“Both,” Eddie says around a yawn.

Wayne sticks his hand in Eddie’s curls, ruffling them gently. “If you want breakfast and a place to stay, be nice.”

Eddie rolls off the couch, giving Wayne a hug before following him into the kitchen, perching himself on a stool to watch as Wayne sets about making them breakfast at five in the afternoon.

“Is everything okay? Not that I’m not happy to see you, just a long way to drive for a catch up.”

Eddie grins. “Actually, I flew.”

“Flew?” He whistles. “My boy, the rockstar.”

They sit at the table together, bacon, eggs and toast laid out in front of them, Wayne catching him up on the comings and goings of the plant and Forest Hills; old Rose Hannigan still being a nosey bitch as usual, and Dougie has a new dog and god the damn thing won’t stop barking during the day. It’s nice. It’s so different from LA, so small in the best way, and even though his relationship with home, with Hawkins, is so complex, cut through with slithers of painful memories, he misses it. He does. It doesn’t make all that much sense.

Or is it just Wayne he misses? The man who loved him and protected him when his father couldn’t (wouldn’t). The man who gave him everything and more, who was working himself to an early grave to look after a boy that wasn’t his own.

Eddie grabs his bag from the floor and slides the white envelope out, still neat and crisp. He pushes it across the table.

“What’s this?”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “Open it and find out.”

He gets a raised eyebrow back for his trouble, but he doesn’t take his eyes off Wayne. Doesn’t want to miss this.

Wayne grumbles about envelopes being too sticky these days and then he pulls out the slip of paper tucked inside and comes to a stop.

“What the hell is this?”

“It’s a check, Uncle Wayne.”

He shoots Eddie a scowl. “I can see it’s a check. Where— I don’t understand.”

Eddie fold his arms on the table in front of him. “The album is selling. It’s doing good, actually. We’re big in Germany, the UK, I think we’re doing pretty good in Japan too. You know I wrote most of those songs, right?”

Wayne gives him a little nod.

“Well I got a nice royalty check for that. Just came through a few weeks ago.” He gestures at the paper in Wayne’s hands. “And this is for you.”

“Eddie this is… Jesus Christ. Ten thousand dollars? You can’t be serious?”

And Eddie is full on smiling now, grinning ear to ear. “I got thirty thousand.” He laughs. “I still can’t believe it.”

“Eddie, I can’t take this.”

“You can and you’re gonna.” He’s deadly serious now. “These come quarterly, this one’s the second. They’re getting bigger. Sales are growing, so, there’s more coming. And even if there wasn’t, doesn’t matter. I want you to have this—“

“No—“

“Wayne—“

“No!“

“Jesus Christ, you stubborn old fart. I have money now, which means we have money now. I’m not in LA busting my ass for me, I’m doing it for us! And this is the start. That truck should have been put out to pasture before I started high school. You’ve never had a vacation. I’ve never seen you spend a dollar on yourself.”

“Never needed anything.”

“How about wanting? You get to want, Wayne. You deserve to want. And how about not having to worry where the money’s coming from when the roof leaks, or the boiler breaks? I don’t want you to have to worry anymore.”

Wayne shakes his head, but the fight is leaving him. “Ed…” he says, a little choked. He reaches his hand across the table and Eddie grabs it.

“I love you, old man. I want you to have this. Please?”

“I’m so fucking proud of you, you know that? Even before this,” he waves the check in the air. “I’ve always been proud of you.”

“I know. So, you going to take it? Get a new fucking truck?”

Eddie can see the pride on his uncle’s face, but he doesn’t need to; he’s always known. Always felt it.

Wayne squeezes Eddie’s hand, still looking a little shell shocked but smiling. Happy. 

“Reckon I might.”

[rememberingliampayne]

Dear Liam,

Thank you for some of the happiest years of my life. Watching you grow as an artist was an absolute pleasure.

In 2010 I came across a website you set up 2 years prior to promote yourself as a solo artist. To me it showcased a confident, hardworking individual who knew what he wanted and was determined to get it. You were a professional in every sense of the word. From your stage presence, to selling your own signature merchandise at only 15 years old! I recently rediscovered your first YouTube channel and it was a joy to watch 14-15 year old Liam owning the stage with that same confidence. You were born to entertain!

I'm beyond proud of the artist you became. I will never forget the x factor days from voting every week to watching your video diaries and twitcams. I will always appreciate the time and love you gave in return. I look back fondly to the gap between the x factor finishing and the first album release, where us fans would come together to grow the fanbase, and spread the word by trending hashtags about this small, up and coming UK band called One Direction. Finally hearing the album you put together and knowing the hard work that went into it was a proud moment as a fan. Seeing you live in London's Hammersmith Apollo performing those very songs was an unforgettable experience. You deserved all the success you had and I'm glad to have been a small part of your journey.

You were the glue that held the band together, and when we needed it, you would do the same for the fans. The love, admiration and respect I have for you will never fade. The memories we all created together from your rise to fame are ones I will always cherish. Your devotion to your fans and natural talent speaks for itself. Liam from the X factor days who would interact with fans on twitter was just as caring as the Liam who would go out of his way to speak with fans on discord in recent years. You remained that caring, humble individual throughout your career and will be remembered for your kindness.

Today I went back on your old website and wanted to share this quote:

"We’ve made it to the final. Big thanks to everyone who’s voted. We’ll try and do you proud…. Thanks for the great comments! Keep em coming – love reading them! L xxx"

I just wanted to say you succeeded in making us proud. What a journey it's been and I'm so glad you were able to live out your dream.

Watching you struggle in recent years was difficult. I wish we could go back and change things. I hope you knew that you were enough on your own after the band ended. Fly high Liam. Rest in peace.

Love always @ZaynMalikArmy

[webuydiamond1]

Discover trusted locations to sell Rolex watches near you, offering competitive prices and secure transactions.

[rungosturr]

Things my boyfriend said while watching Get Back (part 1):

-„Paul is literally the one who is trying to make them together again”

-„Michael (Lindsay-Hogg) is really into make them play in this amphitheatre”

-„Yoko is a witch. Or demon. She looks like witch”

-„It’s normal, it shows that they are really equal in this relationship” while Paul is sitting on Linda’s lap

-„You see? Here come John with all his angriness and they start to feel uncomfortable. Like it was their job, not fun”

-„Nah, I don’t really think they fuck. It’s just Paul getting iritated of John’s and Yoko’s presence and behaviour” this one was while I was talking about McLennon

-„Paul is the one who grow up”

-„Holy crap, look how the drugs change people. They are having fun while John is walking all around. Terrible”

-„Really. John was this one fucker, who was always quite cynical, energical, kinda bad boy. And now he lost his sparkle”

-„Only Paul seem to feel involved in this project”

-„Shit, he is trying to sell this amphitheatre thing again” about Michael Lindsay Hogg

-„Aww they are shy! It shows how normal they were after all!”

-„Wait…Why is George leaving?”

-„WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE?! Just to sit there, reading some newspapers and not support your boyfriend while he’s working?!” this one was about Yoko ofc

-„A get back is about immigrants? It’s seem to be actual problem of UK”

-„Paul is so hard working”

Yep, he’s literally Paul boy

[mountttmase]

A Mountain To Climb: The Sequel

Chapter Nine

Note - this chapter might not make total sense unless you’re from the UK so if there’s any parts or things people are confused with please just let me know I’ll be more than happy to explain 🩷 but I hope you enjoy and feedback is appreciated 😘

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 4.7k

Warnings - series will contain fluff, smut and angst

Masterlist

Running errands day had to be one of your favourite days. Walking round your favourite shops, smelling all the different fabric conditioners and checking out what new snacks they had got you so excited so you made sure you were up and dressed to leave as soon as you possibly could.

You were just putting your shoes on at the bottom of the stairs when the front door swung open, a smiley Mason walking back in through the door and your face changed to one of confusion and soon as your eyes met his.

‘Mase? Why aren’t you at training?’ You asked, standing up so you could slip your hoodie on and he dumped his bag before making his way over to you.

‘Power cut’ he shrugged, pulling you in by your waist so he could place a soft kiss on the tip of your nose. ‘The pitch has frozen over outside and it’s fucking freezing inside so they’ve given us the day off’

‘Oh thats annoying’

‘A little bit, but at least we can spend the day together now. I’m thinking we order breakfast and cuddle for a bit’ he winked before kissing your cheek.

‘No can do. I’ve got errands to run’ you told him, watching the way he dropped his bottom lip but you kissed it away. ‘Why don’t you come with me?’

‘Where are you going?’

‘B&M first, need to stock up in some cleaning supplies and i want to get a new shelf for the shower so that I can’t put my shower gel and bits on. If they don’t have it there I think there’s a home bargains near by. Then I need to pop to dunelm for some pillow cases and paint and then I think there’s a halfords next door so I can grab some more of that screen wash and then sainsburys to top up the food shop’

‘Bloody hell, sounds exhilarating’ he laughed sarcastically and you tapped him on the chest in jest.

‘Fine, you can stay here on your own then’ you winked, moving out of his hold but he pulled you back to him with a huff.

‘Buy me lunch and I’ll come’

‘Deal’

‘And I’m driving’

‘Don’t want much do you?’ you laughed and he shook his head shyly. ‘Go get changed, I don’t need you sticking out anymore than you already do’ you told him and with a quick kiss to your cheek he was running upstairs, changing out of his training gear and into a sweatshirt and some comfy shorts before you both jumped into the car.

‘So what do they sell in B&M? You talk about it all the time but I don’t actually know what it is’ he asked as you eventually pulled into the car park.

‘I mean it’s more like what don’t they sell. Food, home stuff, furniture, toys. It’s like Disneyland for adults’

‘How big is this place?’

‘Massive’ you smiled and he rolled his eyes before covering his face with his hands.

‘Can I stay in here?’

‘No way, come on you’ll love it. I’ll let you push the trolly too’ you told him, batting your eyelashes at him before he silently agreed, getting out the car and following you over to where the trolleys were.

He pushed it around but you kept yourself sandwiched between him and the handle as you first walked in, his body pressed up against yours and you giggled every time he kissed your cheek. It wasn’t long before you got to the confectionery aisle, his eyes lighting up at all the different sweets they had and you chuckled at him as he showed you all the ones he’d never seen with an excited smile.

‘I didn’t even know these existed’ he told you, starting to add them to the trolley already and you wondered if you’d have to step in soon to restrict him. ‘They must import them or something’

‘I didn’t come here for chocolate, Mason’

‘I know, sorry. You go get what you need and I’ll come find you’ he told you, not even looking at you as he looked for what other treats they had to offer but you realised you were going to have to stop him now before it got out of hand.

‘Mason, sweetheart. You know you’re not allowed all of this stuff’ you told him, picking up everything up out of the trolley and you watched as he pouted and held what he had in his hands close to his chest. ‘You can pick three’

‘But baby-‘

‘Mason’ you told him sternly, trying to stay strong as you knew you could quite easily fold at the sight of his pouty face. ‘I’m looking out for you. Your nutritionist will murder you if they find out you’re eating all this stuff’

He knew you were right, but he was still going to sulk about it. Grabbing everything into his arms so he could pick his three favourite before putting the rest back and turning to you with a pout so you pulled him into a hug.

‘Good boy’ you whispered, kissing his lips as he blushed and squeezed your bum gently.

‘Stop it you’ he laughed ‘wait till we get home, then I’ll be your good boy’

‘I look forward to it’ you winked, dragging him and the trolley through the shop and into the cleaning aisle. ‘I’m thinking of changing up the fabric conditioner scent, what do you think?’ You asked, eyes scanning the shelf before opening one up to sniff and passing it to him.

‘I don’t think i have any thoughts about that particular subject’ he told you, taking a sniff before pulling a face like he didn’t like it. He made a point of smelling each one after that before picking his favourite and you popped it in the trolley along with some washing tablets. ‘I didn’t have you down as an ocean escape kind of man’ you teased but he just rolled his eyes at you before helping grab everything else such as dishwasher tablets and washing up sponges.

Mason stayed pretty well behaved until you got to kitchen appliances aisle, trying to convince you that he needed a three in one sandwich toaster and a special machine just for eggs but you knew he’d use them once before they collected dust in the kitchen so you told him no and he scrunched his face up adorably.

‘You wait, I’m gonna come in here on my own and get everything I want so you can’t tell me no’

‘Pretty strong words coming from a man who didn’t even want to come in at first’

‘Well I was young and naive back then’ he laughed, kissing your nose as you smiled up at him, pulling him around the rest of the shop so you could pick up some things for the bathroom and you let him get lost in the toy section, picking out a few things for Summer and Mila for the next time they came around.

You popped into Dunelm next, Mason helping you pick out some paint for your room, paint brushes and some matching cushions before you dashed into Halfords for your screen wash. It was at this time he started complaining he was hungry so you sent him back to the car with the bags, promising to get him his lunch like you said and the giant Greggs sign caught your attention so you ran in to pick him up a few bits.

‘So I wasn’t allowed the chocolate I want but you’re quite happy for me to stuff my face with whatever this is’ he laughed.

‘Greggs is a delicacy’ you told him seriously, passing him a bottle of Pepsi and you watched as he rolled his eyes at the sight of his face on the side of the bottle. ‘Now would you like to see what I got you?’

‘If you must’ he laughed, watching you root around in the bag to find him his things. ‘When I said you can buy me lunch I was hoping I got to pick’

‘Well my tastes are superior to yours quite clearly’ you winked, handing him the pizza first and then a sausage roll and he looked at you like you’d gone insane.

‘This is all beige’

‘Yes, my favourite food colour. But I think you’ll find the pepperoni is red’ you winked and he gave up trying to argue with you, digging in and if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was enjoying it. ‘You ready for cake?’ You asked when you noticed he was all done and he nodded whilst gulping down half of his Pepsi. ‘I got you two to choose from, I’ll have the other’ you told him, pulling out the little bags and peeking inside. ‘So there’s a yumyum in here or Tottenham cake in here’

‘I’m sorry, a what now?’

‘A yumyum or Tottenham cake’

‘You expect me to eat something that has the word Tottenham in it, are you insane?’

‘Hey, it’s nice’ you pouted, passing him the yumyum as you opened your cake up and you saw him peek over to take a look at the pink icing.

‘Maybe you can save me a bit and I’ll try it’ he teased it you made it your mission to eat the whole thing so he couldn’t but you were too full up to finish and he smiled when you offered him a bite. ‘Not bad, we’ll have to call it something else though’

‘Well my dad always used to call it shit cake’ you told him, watching his face turn to a look of surprise as you never mentioned your parents but he smiled warmly at you. Letting you know it was okay to talk about them if you wanted to as he gently took your hand so he could kiss your knuckles.

‘Oh yeah, why’s that?’

‘Cause Tottenham are shit’ you laughed and he nodded enthusiastically at you.

‘Then we must carry on the tradition’ he winked before starting the car up again. ‘So Sainsbury’s then home?’ He asked and you nodded as you got yourself plugged in. ‘I think I’ll get painting straight away when we get in, it’s only the one wall isn’t it? I can try and burn some of this lunch off’ he laughed and you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before you set off.

You were only in Sainsbury’s for 15 minutes or so and you offered to put all of the shopping away so he could get started on painting. By the time you were done he was just under halfway through with painting and you watched from the open doorway with a smile on your face as carried on, blissfully unaware of your presence.

He’d stripped down to just his shorts, his bare back facing you and you let your eyes flicker over him. Your mouth almost watering at the way his muscles danced under his skin with every move of the brush and you hand to hold yourself back from going over to place kisses all over him.

He must of caught you looking out the corner of his eye, doing a double take and looking back at you with a shy smile before laughing and motioning for you to come over.

‘You gonna stand there looking at me all day or are you gonna help?’ He teased but you stayed rooted to the spot.

‘I think I might stay here, I’ve got a pretty good view’ you told him, a sense of triumph washing over you at the way he blushed from your words. ‘I’ll just get changed and I’ll come help’ you told him, changing into an old pair of shorts and a sports bra that you didn’t mind getting messy. His eyes were all over you when you got back, you ignored him though and picked up the small brush so could could start neatening the edges up and with a kiss to your cheek he carried on himself.

The pair of you chatted over the low music in the background, him giving you his opinion on your thoughts for the room and making plans to pick up the last of your stuff before you had to give your keys back. It didn’t take that much longer for you to finish and you didn’t know what came over you but with your last drop of paint you’d dragged the brush across his chest and down his abs casing him to look at you with his mouth agape.

‘What the fuck’ he laughed, looking down at the mess on his body before dipping his hands into the paint tray and covering them fully. ‘Come here’ he laughed and even though you tried to run away, he backed you into a corner with a devilish smile on his face. You couldn’t do a thing but stand and squeeze your eyes shut and when you felt his wet hands grip your face you gasped in surprise.

He was kissing you right away though, silencing any protests as he trailed his paint covered hands down your neck and the pair of you laughed into each others mouths before pulling back.

‘Don’t mess with me’ he laughed ‘I’ll get you back ten times worse’

‘Noted’ he winked before dropping another light kiss on your lips.

‘We best go get cleaned up, I’ll get the shower going and then we can make some dinner’ he told you, leaving you to quickly tidy up the paintbrushes before joining him.

‘Bloody hell, Mase. I’m covered’ you laughed as you caught sight of yourself in the mirror. Paint all down your cheeks and neck and you picked your phone up to take a quick mirror selfie so you could remember the moment, Masons bare torso in the back as he threw up a peace sign making you laugh.

‘Come on, it’s ready now. I’ll help you get it off’ he offered, both undressing and heading in so you could clean each other off. Once all the paint was washed off of your body he turned you around, grabbing some shampoo and squeezing it onto your hair before starting to massage it in. His fingers were like magic, your knees almost buckling under you as he massaged your head and you hummed appreciatively. ‘How’s that?’

‘Really nice’ you told him, feeling his fingers move to the back of your head and slightly down your neck before heading back round to the top. You didn’t want him to stop but he eventually did, lightly pushing you under the stream of water so he could rinse it out for you. He then picked up your conditioner and brush so he could detangle your hair and you could feel yourself blushing as he looked after you. Eventually turning you around so he could place a quick kiss on your lips. ‘Thank you, Mase’

‘Love you’ he whispered against your lips and you repeated his words back to him before he kissed you deeper, holding your face so you couldn’t move as he walked you back under the running water to help rinse out your hair. You both laughed as the water trickled all over you but you didn’t stop kissing him, his hands sliding all over you back and bum and you tugged on his hair slightly, pulling a low moan from him. ‘Come on trouble, let’s get dry’ he smiled, your heart thudding as you looked up at him. Tiny droplets if water trailing down his face as his warm soft eyes looked right into yours and you couldn’t help but reach up and give him one last kiss.

Once out, he handed you a towel for you hair before reaching to the towel warmer to grab one he’d put on there for you just before you’d come into the bathroom and you smiled as he wrapped the warm fabric around you as he grabbed his own. The mirror was foggy but you attempted to wipe it so you could check all the paint had gone and you smiled when you noticed you were now paint free.

As soon as you were back in the safety of your bedroom, you could see Mason pulling you out some clothes for you to change into and you smiled as he pull out of your favourite comfy tops of his to put on.

‘Baby?’ Mason quietly said once you were fully dressed and you turned to find your boyfriend looking at you shyly, the bridge of his nose a deep red and you raised your brows at him to get him to carry on. ‘Could i dry your hair for you?’

Your heart fluttered at his proposal and you felt all the blood in your body rush to your face as you nodded at him, taking his extended hand so you could sit on the end of the bed whilst he got everything he needed before settling behind you and took your hair out of the towel. He was so gentle, brushing through your hair as carefully as he could before grabbing the dryer.

You couldn’t stop the smile on your face as he dried your hair, being as careful as he could while running his fingers through it to stop it tangling and you couldn’t help but reach out to touch his calf that was next to you so you could trace gentle shapes into his skin. Needing to feel him in some way as everything felt so intimate but you felt your heart race when he turned the dryer off and began section your hair out so he could plait it.

‘You don’t mind, do you?’ He asked but you knew your voice would falter if you tried to speak so you shook your head to let him know it was fine to carry on, blushing even harder as he kissed the back of your head. ‘I’ve been practicing on Summer so I can get it right’ he laughed, carefully weaving your hair into two neat braids before securing it with a hair bobble.

You wanted to look at him so badly so as soon as he was done you shuffled round and his face softened at the sight of you.

‘You’re so pretty’

‘Oh shush’ you laughed but he grabbed your face so he could keep looking at you.

‘No way. Have you looked in a mirror recently? Absolute perfection’ he smiled before he face got more serious. ‘You make me feel so lucky’ his whispered, his thumb stroking your cheek and the tone of of his voice made your eyes sting.

‘Where’s all this coming from?’

‘I’ve just had a really nice day with you. I know we don’t get to do things like this often but every time we do it just reminds me that it’s all worth it, you know? And I love you so much and I love spending time with you. I’m just really happy’

‘I am too’ you gulped, pouting up at him so he would lean down to kiss you, and he placed the most gentle and loving kiss on your lips that made your whole body tingle.

You wanted more of him though, reaching up to hold his neck so he couldn’t pull away as you laid down and pulled him with you. He positioned himself in between your legs but kept his weight off of you so he could pull back ever so slightly.

‘I thought we were going to make dinner’ he laughed against your lips up you shook your head before kissing him softly again.

‘I want you first’ you murmured and your confession made him moan into your mouth as his pressed his hips against yours. ‘You promised to be my good boy when we got back remember’

‘I did’ he laughed, his cheeks flushing almost instantly as he knew what was coming.

Mason loved having his way with you, but you knew secretly he loved you having your way with him even more. The way it always got him riled up when you praised him and all the pretty noises he would make for you told you as much but you always made sure to only bring out his subby side for special occasions so you didn’t overdo it. With how you were feeling about him after your day today though there was nothing more you wanted than you appreciate your man the way he deserved.

‘Go sit up there for me’ you whispered, nodding towards the headboard and with one final kiss he was crawling up the bed to sit where you’d told him to.

Once you were undressed you were making you my way over to him, his wide eyes following you like you’d hung the moon until your fingers landed on the waistband of his boxers and they darkened instantly. You didn’t need to ask him, he lifted his hips for you instantly before helping you straddle his thighs.

All you could think about was his lips on yours and making him feel as good as possible so as he hands come to rest on your thighs you placed yours on his chest before dipping to kiss him instantly.

He was starting to get hard underneath you in no time, moaning into your mouth as you began to rock over him before pulling back and shuffling down his legs so you could see all of him.

‘I want you to touch yourself for me, Masey. Make yourself ready for me’

‘W-what? You mean…?’

You could tell he was nervous and slightly unsure so you took his hand in yours before wrapping it around his length so you could pump him a few times. His eyes flickered shut for a second before you pulled away, leaving him on his own to carry on but he stopped until you leant forward so your face was on line with his.

‘Touch yourself. Show me how good you can make yourself feel before it’s my turn’ you told him lowly and the tiny whimper he let slip soaked you immediately. You knew there was no way you’d be able to watch him get himself off without giving yourself some relief so you bought one leg in, hovering over just the one thigh now before sinking down so you could ride it.

‘Jesus Christ’ he breathed, one hand slowly pumping himself whilst the other griped your hip in an attempt to help you grind you hips down onto his thigh and the intimacy of it all made you tingle. You and Mason weren’t exactly saints in the bedroom but you’d never done anything like this before and the deep blush on his cheeks was telling you just how much he was enjoying himself.

‘Does that feel good, Mase? You look so pretty like that for me’ you murmured, the sounds now pouring from his mouth we’re unholy and it took everything in your power not to grind down on him even harder. But it was true, he was beautiful. His hair a mess, the bridge of his nose a deep red to match his cheeks and the adorable whimpers that were coming from him were driving you insane. You could tell he was hard enough now and you couldn’t wait anymore so you lifted your hips and positioned yourself back in his lap so you could line him up with you.

If there was a moment in time you wish you could freeze it would be this one. The anticipation, the look of lust on his face and the way his eyes were wide as he squeezed your hips as you lowered yourself onto him. He felt delicious as he stretched you out and you knew you wanted to torture him a little bit so when he was fully in you moved your hips as slow as possible.

‘B-baby please. Please go faster’ he mumbled, the bruising grip on your hips only adding to your pleasure and even though you wanted to give into him you also wanted to draw this out for as you could so you tutted at him whilst shaking your head playfully.

‘Nuh uh’ you breathed, your lips littering small kisses all over his cheeks but you ignored his pouty lips. You could tell he wanted to kiss you but you laid no attention to him. ‘Come on Mase, be my good boy and take it’ you breathed, revelling in the way he groaned at your words before his hands traveled down to hold your bum in a tight grip. ‘You feel so good, Mase. You like it when I fuck you like this, don’t you’

‘Y-yes. Fuck yes’ he stuttered, his chest now heaving as he was loosing control. ‘Please kiss me’ he begged and you couldn’t deny you were itching to press your lips to his again.

‘Do you think you’ve earned it?’ You asked, lips by his ear as you trailed them down his neck. The sounds of his shallow breathing really getting you going and you picked up the pace of your hips ever so slightly.

‘Yeah, just please kiss me. I can’t-‘

You cut him off with you lips, moaning into his mouth as soon as you tasted him before his arms wrapped around you even tighter. You were as close as too bodies could be and you could tell by now Mason was close and had been for a while so you pulled back and placed your hands on his shoulders for leverage before moving your hips as fast as you could.

You knew you needed help, knowing Mason was dying to buck up into you so you dropped your eyes, staring right into his dark ones as you smiled at him cheekily.

‘Fuck me, Mase. Come on, finish me off I know you can’ you demanded and that seemed to be all it took. His hands were back on your waist as he manoeuvred you up and down, practically using you at this point but it felt like heaven. Your high hitting you like a truck out of nowhere and the distant feeling of Mason shuddering under your fingertips let you know he was done to.

He pulled you into his arms instantly, his head hidden away in your neck as you both tried to calm down and once you knew he probably was you tried to pull back however he didn’t seem to want to let you, pulling you tighter into him if possible.

‘Mase?’ You laughed, being a bit more forceful this time and whilst you were able to free yourself he was still hiding his face. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing’ he laughed, finally looking at you but the deep blush on his cheeks and shy eyes told you everything. He was embarrassed, not because of anything that had happened but more because he’d enjoyed it so much.

‘You good?’ You smiled, watching him kiss your arm before nodding up at you.

‘Perfect’ he smiled before you leant down to kiss him again. ‘You’re absolute insane, do you know that?’

‘In the best way possible though right?’

‘Most definitely’

Tagged: @chaotic-taco-collector-blog @mm-vii @footiehoemcfc @masonmount07 @aundercover

[mostlysignssomeportents]

A link-clump demands a linkdump

Cometh the weekend, cometh the linkdump. My daily-ish newsletter includes a section called "Hey look at this," with three short links per day, but sometimes those links get backed up and I need to clean house. Here's the eight previous installments:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

The country code top level domain (ccTLD) for the Caribbean island nation of Anguilla is .ai, and that's turned into millions of dollars worth of royalties as "entrepreneurs" scramble to sprinkle some buzzword-compliant AI stuff on their businesses in the most superficial way possible:

https://arstechnica.com/information-technology/2023/08/ai-fever-turns-anguillas-ai-domain-into-a-digital-gold-mine/

All told, .ai domain royalties will account for about ten percent of the country's GDP.

It's actually kind of nice to see Anguilla finding some internet money at long last. Back in the 1990s, when I was a freelance web developer, I got hired to work on the investor website for a publicly traded internet casino based in Anguilla that was a scammy disaster in every conceivable way. The company had been conceived of by people who inherited a modestly successful chain of print-shops and decided to diversify by buying a dormant penny mining stock and relaunching it as an online casino.

But of course, online casinos were illegal nearly everywhere. Not in Anguilla – or at least, that's what the founders told us – which is why they located their servers there, despite the lack of broadband or, indeed, reliable electricity at their data-center. At a certain point, the whole thing started to whiff of a stock swindle, a pump-and-dump where they'd sell off shares in that ex-mining stock to people who knew even less about the internet than they did and skedaddle. I got out, and lost track of them, and a search for their names and business today turns up nothing so I assume that it flamed out before it could ruin any retail investors' lives.

Anguilla is a British Overseas Territory, one of those former British colonies that was drained and then given "independence" by paternalistic imperial administrators half a world away. The country's main industries are tourism and "finance" – which is to say, it's a pearl in the globe-spanning necklace of tax- and corporate-crime-havens the UK established around the world so its most vicious criminals – the hereditary aristocracy – can continue to use Britain's roads and exploit its educated workforce without paying any taxes.

This is the "finance curse," and there are tiny, struggling nations all around the world that live under it. Nick Shaxson dubbed them "Treasure Islands" in his outstanding book of the same name:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9780230341722/treasureislands

I can't imagine that the AI bubble will last forever – anything that can't go on forever eventually stops – and when it does, those .ai domain royalties will dry up. But until then, I salute Anguilla, which has at last found the internet riches that I played a small part in bringing to it in the previous century.

The AI bubble is indeed overdue for a popping, but while the market remains gripped by irrational exuberance, there's lots of weird stuff happening around the edges. Take Inject My PDF, which embeds repeating blocks of invisible text into your resume:

https://kai-greshake.de/posts/inject-my-pdf/

The text is tuned to make resume-sorting Large Language Models identify you as the ideal candidate for the job. It'll even trick the summarizer function into spitting out text that does not appear in any human-readable form on your CV.

Embedding weird stuff into resumes is a hacker tradition. I first encountered it at the Chaos Communications Congress in 2012, when Ang Cui used it as an example in his stellar "Print Me If You Dare" talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njVv7J2azY8

Cui figured out that one way to update the software of a printer was to embed an invisible Postscript instruction in a document that basically said, "everything after this is a firmware update." Then he came up with 100 lines of perl that he hid in documents with names like cv.pdf that would flash the printer when they ran, causing it to probe your LAN for vulnerable PCs and take them over, opening a reverse-shell to his command-and-control server in the cloud. Compromised printers would then refuse to apply future updates from their owners, but would pretend to install them and even update their version numbers to give verisimilitude to the ruse. The only way to exorcise these haunted printers was to send 'em to the landfill. Good times!

Printers are still a dumpster fire, and it's not solely about the intrinsic difficulty of computer security. After all, printer manufacturers have devoted enormous resources to hardening their products against their owners, making it progressively harder to use third-party ink. They're super perverse about it, too – they send "security updates" to your printer that update the printer's security against you – run these updates and your printer downgrades itself by refusing to use the ink you chose for it:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

It's a reminder that what a monopolist thinks of as "security" isn't what you think of as security. Oftentimes, their security is antithetical to your security. That was the case with Web Environment Integrity, a plan by Google to make your phone rat you out to advertisers' servers, revealing any adblocking modifications you might have installed so that ad-serving companies could refuse to talk to you:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/02/self-incrimination/#wei-bai-bai

WEI is now dead, thanks to a lot of hueing and crying by people like us:

https://www.theregister.com/2023/11/02/google_abandons_web_environment_integrity/

But the dream of securing Google against its own users lives on. Youtube has embarked on an aggressive campaign of refusing to show videos to people running ad-blockers, triggering an arms-race of ad-blocker-blockers and ad-blocker-blocker-blockers:

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/where-will-the-ad-versus-ad-blocker-arms-race-end/

The folks behind Ublock Origin are racing to keep up with Google's engineers' countermeasures, and there's a single-serving website called "Is uBlock Origin updated to the last Anti-Adblocker YouTube script?" that will give you a realtime, one-word status update:

https://drhyperion451.github.io/does-uBO-bypass-yt/

One in four web users has an ad-blocker, a stat that Doc Searls pithily summarizes as "the biggest boycott in world history":

https://doc.searls.com/2015/09/28/beyond-ad-blocking-the-biggest-boycott-in-human-history/

Zero app users have ad-blockers. That's not because ad-blocking an app is harder than ad-blocking the web – it's because reverse-engineering an app triggers liability under IP laws like Section 1201 of the Digital Millenium Copyright Act, which can put you away for 5 years for a first offense. That's what I mean when I say that "IP is anything that lets a company control its customers, critics or competitors:

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

I predicted that apps would open up all kinds of opportunities for abusive, monopolistic conduct back in 2010, and I'm experiencing a mix of sadness and smugness (I assume there's a German word for this emotion) at being so thoroughly vindicated by history:

https://memex.craphound.com/2010/04/01/why-i-wont-buy-an-ipad-and-think-you-shouldnt-either/

The more control a company can exert over its customers, the worse it will be tempted to treat them. These systems of control shift the balance of power within companies, making it harder for internal factions that defend product quality and customer interests to win against the enshittifiers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/microincentives-and-enshittification/

The result has been a Great Enshittening, with platforms of all description shifting value from their customers and users to their shareholders, making everything palpably worse. The only bright side is that this has created the political will to do something about it, sparking a wave of bold, muscular antitrust action all over the world.

The Google antitrust case is certainly the most important corporate lawsuit of the century (so far), but Judge Amit Mehta's deference to Google's demands for secrecy has kept the case out of the headlines. I mean, Sam Bankman-Fried is a psychopathic thief, but even so, his trial does not deserve its vastly greater prominence, though, if you haven't heard yet, he's been convicted and will face decades in prison after he exhausts his appeals:

https://newsletter.mollywhite.net/p/sam-bankman-fried-guilty-on-all-charges

The secrecy around Google's trial has relaxed somewhat, and the trickle of revelations emerging from the cracks in the courthouse are fascinating. For the first time, we're able to get a concrete sense of which queries are the most lucrative for Google:

https://www.theverge.com/2023/11/1/23941766/google-antitrust-trial-search-queries-ad-money

The list comes from 2018, but it's still wild. As David Pierce writes in The Verge, the top twenty includes three iPhone-related terms, five insurance queries, and the rest are overshadowed by searches for customer service info for monopolistic services like Xfinity, Uber and Hulu.

All-in-all, we're living through a hell of a moment for piercing the corporate veil. Maybe it's the problem of maintaining secrecy within large companies, or maybe the the rampant mistreatment of even senior executives has led to more leaks and whistleblowing. Either way, we all owe a debt of gratitude to the anonymous leaker who revealed the unbelievable pettiness of former HBO president of programming Casey Bloys, who ordered his underlings to create an army of sock-puppet Twitter accounts to harass TV and movie critics who panned HBO's shows:

https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/hbo-casey-bloys-secret-twitter-trolls-tv-critics-leaked-texts-lawsuit-the-idol-1234867722/

These trolling attempts were pathetic, even by the standards of thick-fingered corporate execs. Like, accusing critics who panned the shitty-ass Perry Mason reboot of disrespecting veterans because the fictional Mason's back-story had him storming the beach on D-Day.

The pushback against corporate bullying is everywhere, and of course, the vanguard is the labor movement. Did you hear that the UAW won their strike against the auto-makers, scoring raises for all workers based on the increases in the companies' CEO pay? The UAW isn't done, either! Their incredible new leader, Shawn Fain, has called for a general strike in 2028:

https://www.404media.co/uaw-calls-on-workers-to-line-up-massive-general-strike-for-2028-to-defeat-billionaire-class/

The massive victory for unionized auto-workers has thrown a spotlight on the terrible working conditions and pay for workers at Tesla, a criminal company that has no compunctions about violating labor law to prevent its workers from exercising their legal rights. Over in Sweden, union workers are teaching Tesla a lesson. After the company tried its illegal union-busting playbook on Tesla service centers, the unionized dock-workers issued an ultimatum: respect your workers or face a blockade at Sweden's ports that would block any Tesla from being unloaded into the EU's fifth largest Tesla market:

https://www.wired.com/story/tesla-sweden-strike/

Of course, the real solution to Teslas – and every other kind of car – is to redesign our cities for public transit, walking and cycling, making cars the exception for deliveries, accessibility and other necessities. Transitioning to EVs will make a big dent in the climate emergency, but it won't make our streets any safer – and they keep getting deadlier.

Last summer, my dear old pal Ted Kulczycky got in touch with me to tell me that Talking Heads were going to be all present in public for the first time since the band's breakup, as part of the debut of the newly remastered print of Stop Making Sense, the greatest concert movie of all time. Even better, the show would be in Toronto, my hometown, where Ted and I went to high-school together, at TIFF.

Ted is the only person I know who is more obsessed with Talking Heads than I am, and he started working on tickets for the show while I starting pricing plane tickets. And then, the unthinkable happened: Ted's wife, Serah, got in touch to say that Ted had been run over by a car while getting off of a streetcar, that he was severely injured, and would require multiple surgeries.

But this was Ted, so of course he was still planning to see the show. And he did, getting a day-pass from the hospital and showing up looking like someone from a Kids In The Hall sketch who'd been made up to look like someone who'd been run over by a car:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/53182440282/

In his Globe and Mail article about Ted's experience, Brad Wheeler describes how the whole hospital rallied around Ted to make it possible for him to get to the movie:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/arts/music/article-how-a-talking-heads-superfan-found-healing-with-the-concert-film-stop/

He also mentions that Ted is working on a book and podcast about Stop Making Sense. I visited Ted in the hospital the day after the gig and we talked about the book and it sounds amazing. Also? The movie was incredible. See it in Imax.

That heartwarming tale of healing through big suits is a pretty good place to wrap up this linkdump, but I want to call your attention to just one more thing before I go: Robin Sloan's Snarkmarket piece about blogging and "stock and flow":

https://snarkmarket.com/2010/4890/

Sloan makes the excellent case that for writers, having a "flow" of short, quick posts builds the audience for a "stock" of longer, more synthetic pieces like books. This has certainly been my experience, but I think it's only part of the story – there are good, non-mercenary reasons for writers to do a lot of "flow." As I wrote in my 2021 essay, "The Memex Method," turning your commonplace book into a database – AKA "blogging" – makes you write better notes to yourself because you know others will see them:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

This, in turn, creates a supersaturated, subconscious solution of fragments that are just waiting to nucleate and crystallize into full-blown novels and nonfiction books and other "stock." That's how I came out of lockdown with nine new books. The next one is The Lost Cause, a hopepunk science fiction novel about the climate whose early fans include Naomi Klein, Rebecca Solnit, Bill McKibben and Kim Stanley Robinson. It's out on November 14:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865939/the-lost-cause

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/05/variegated/#nein

[mimisempai]

It's special because it's ours

Summary

Their first Christmas as a couple. 

Aziraphale wants it to be perfect, and that starts with the perfect Christmas tree. 

Or where Crowley will have to find a lot of patience within himself.

Notes

Thank you Lana_fox for your donation to Alzheimer's Research UK in exchange for this story.

INEFFABLE ADVENT CALENDER

On Ao3

Rating G -  1390 words

Snowflakes swirled around them and the cold, biting wind lifted Crowley's hair. He pulled up the collar of his coat and shoved his hands into his pockets as he followed Aziraphale down the aisles of Christmas trees of all shapes and sizes.

The demon was getting impatient, but he didn't want to spoil Aziraphale's fun. This was their first Christmas together since the big change in their relationship, and the Christmas spirit that usually inhabited the angel seemed to have taken over him even more. The task of the day was to choose the Christmas tree, and Aziraphale was determined to have Crowley accompany him.

As a slight chill ran through him, the demon began to regret it. Just a little.

He was following the angel a few steps behind, as the latter periodically stopped to take a closer look at a tree.

But he hadn't found the perfect tree yet.

Aziraphale may not have been a paragon of order when it came to the bookshop, but he was as meticulous in choosing a tree as he was in choosing one of his precious books.

The angel suddenly stopped in front of a tree, looked it up and down, shook his head, and continued on.

Despite his impatience, Crowley smiled fondly as he watched him lean forward, his hands clasped behind his back, his expression focused, the way he wrinkled his nose. For that sight alone, Crowley couldn't blame him.

But the demon was really cold now - even with his hands in his pockets, he felt like he had icicles hanging from his fingertips, and even a miracle couldn't change that.

He looked around and saw a van selling coffee and hot drinks to passersby, and the mere thought of the burning liquid down his throat warmed him up. In three quick steps he approached Aziraphale, leaned over him and said in his ear, "I'm going to get some coffee, would you like one?"

The angel, concentrating on the tree in front of him, replied distractedly, "Hm."

Crowley added, "I'm going to take this opportunity to ask the salesman if he'll go on a date with me, because he's damn attractive."

Aziraphale nodded again, "Hm."

Crowley chuckled slightly at the angel's complete distraction.

At the sound of the demon's sneer, Aziraphale realized what he'd just said and turned sharply toward him, exclaiming, "Crowley!"

The sneer turned to a hearty laugh before the demon asked, a mischievous gleam in his eyes, "So, coffee or hot chocolate?"

Aziraphale, pouting slightly, nodded and replied, "The latter."

As Crowley walked away, he heard the angel mutter in a low voice, "And stay away from the salesman."

The demon chuckled again.

When he returned a few moments later, Aziraphale was still standing in front of the same tree. He watched as the angel slowly looked it up and down, then began to walk around it, causing Crowley to hold his breath as it was the first tree to hold his attention for more than ten seconds. 

Could this finally be the Holy Grail of Christmas trees?

Could he claim victory?

But his optimism deflated like a balloon when Aziraphale shook his head and resumed his search. Crowley had given up asking him why the trees weren't good enough since the third one, but now he couldn't help himself.

As he handed the angel his cup of hot chocolate, he asked, "Angel, what was wrong with this one?"

Aziraphale sighed before answering, "There was a huge hole in one side. We can't have that."

Crowley replied, "Couldn't we have put that side up against the wall? No one would have known."

"But I would have known. "

The demon shook his head indulgently as Aziraphale walked on, but after a moment, Crowley couldn't help but point to a tree ahead. 

"What about that one?"

Aziraphale turned and immediately replied, "Too narrow."

"Okay," Crowley said before pointing to the tree to his left. "What about that one?"

"Too wide."

"Okay," Crowley said patiently. "What about that one?"

"Too tall."

"We could just cut the foot off a little," Crowley suggested.

Seeing that Aziraphale didn't respond, he added, "Or better yet, you or I could work a miracle to create the perfect tree, the one that meets your criteria. "

The angel shook his head, "No, no miracles, I want to find a naturally perfect tree."

Crowley chuckled softly, knowing that Aziraphale would say that, and he rolled his coffee cup in his hands to warm them.  

When Aziraphale stopped in front of him, Crowley wondered what was wrong with the next tree.

But the angel said quietly, "I'm sorry, my dear."

Crowley, confused, replied, "Sorry for what, Angel?"

Aziraphale turned, looking a little embarrassed, and Crowley hated seeing him with that expression, which reminded him of all the times he'd had that expression because of his celestial hierarchy.

The angel continued in a self-deprecating tone, "I'm sorry for dragging you here. For making you follow me for hours in the cold and for being so difficult. If this is just a Christmas tree. Sorry you have to put up with my every whim."

Crowley emptied the rest of his cup in one gulp and, seeing that Aziraphale's was also empty, grabbed it and threw it in the nearest trash can. Then, returning to Aziraphale, he grabbed his hands, which were even colder than his own, and raised them to his mouth, blowing on them to warm them before saying softly, "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I wouldn't rather be home nice and warm, but I also know that this is important to you, so I want to do it with you."

He blew on their joined hands again.

Aziraphale shook his head and asked quietly, "Why are you like this? Why are you so patient while I make such a fuss over a simple tree?"

Crowley, holding one of Aziraphale's hands in his, began to walk quietly down the next aisle. 

"It means a lot more to you than just a tree, doesn't it? This Christmas is much more than just any Christmas for you, as it is for me, so even if I don't have the same fervor for the Christmas spirit that you do, I want it to be special, too."

Aziraphale nodded, a smile of wonder on his lips, happy to be understood and not judged, then replied softly, almost shyly, "I just want everything to be perfect. It's our first Christmas together, as you say. The first as... a family."

Crowley hadn't missed the angel's little hesitation before he finished his sentence and replied softly, "But you know, Angel, for me, tree or no tree, this Christmas is already perfect because it's with you."

The demon could almost feel the sweetness of his own words on his tongue, but he could chalk it up to the Christmas spirit. Of course, under normal circumstances, he wouldn't be this cheesy in a million years.

Of course he wouldn't.

Aziraphale laughed softly and said, "That's... nice of you to say that, and you know I feel the same way. But..."

"But you want the perfect Christmas tree, I get it, Angel."

The demon leaned over and planted a light kiss on the angel's forehead, then, still with his hand in his, he pulled him into an alley they hadn't been through yet and said, "Then we'll look for it as long as it takes. Until you find your perfect tree."

Aziraphale didn't answer, letting himself be dragged along for a few seconds before stopping and holding Crowley back until the demon turned to face him. The angel looked at him in silence, finding him so adorable, his nose, cheeks and earlobes reddened by the cold, his beautiful red hair tousled by the wind.

"Angel?"

Aziraphale grabbed the lapels of Crowley's coat and pulled him toward him, forcing him to bend over. The demon, following the program, already parted his lips, but Aziraphale bent him a little more and instead of a kiss, blew warmly on his reddened nose before kissing the tip.

The angel couldn't help but laugh at Crowley's wide-eyed surprise, and the demon soon joined in.

Still laughing, they went back to looking for the perfect tree, but Aziraphale thought Crowley was right - being together already made this Christmas perfect.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : (After season 2) 

Part 1 Story 1-99

Part 2 Story 100-?

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

[fjordfolk]

people really be out there like “I wonder what this breed called a Shetland sheepdog was used for historically? alas it’s impossible to tell, we may never know” 🤦‍♀️

There is, believe it or not, some actual controversy regarding the breed origins and most of it (imo) stems from many people's mental image of a working sheepdog is a border collie, and not quite grasping that border collies are freaks and the way that we now work border collies didn't exist prior to the development of the border collie, and in some parts the way we keep SHEEP didn't exist prior to the border collie. There's also been some debate around old letters written by non-shetlanders after visiting the isles or talking to locals and having mmm interesting ideas of how people handled sheep over there. This leads to statements like:

Sheltie legs are too short to outrun sheep

They're also too small to grab the sheep and hold it (don't get me started)

A sheltie could never take sheep through a- (name specific type of herding trial)

Maybe they were actually placed with flocks on peripheral islands to keep watch for birds??

Shelties never existed and were made up in the late 1800s just for shetlanders to make money off of selling cute puppies to gullible tourists

There was an original sheepdog on Shetland but it was a much bigger dog (see reasons above) and the current sheltie was made up in the late 1800s, by breeding cavaliers to pomeranians and maybe a collie, just for shetlanders to sell puppies to tourists

...and so, clearly, they can't have been sheepdogs and we have No Clue what they were actually for (except scamming foreigners)

Meanwhile we know that traditional shepherding on Shetland relied on roaming sheep, keeping them off the property rather than on it (because that's where your crops are) and you'd only be rounding up your sheep a couple of times a year, and that island-bred shelties were smaller and spitzier type than even the current UK type.

[crowleys-aziraphale]

Sir Terence David John Pratchett, known to all of us as Sir Terry Pratchett. Was an english author, humorist, satirist and novelist. Best known for his work such as good omens, Discworld, night watch and many more. Sir Terry Pratchett was the UK's best- selling author of the 90s.

The good omens series was Sir Terry Pratchett's dying wish to Neil gaiman, he wrote Neil a letter, in the letter he told Neil to make the tv adaptation of good omens. Unfortunately he passed away before he ever got a chance to see it. He will always be part of the good omens series, his hat and scarf is in the show, and so is his spirit.

"If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy"

@neil-gaiman

[eredhes]

I’ve been wanting to get into clay and wondered what kind you used and if you have any tips for a newbie

I'm pretty flattered by this as I'm totally self-taught with clay haha I work with air-drying clay as I haven't been able to get onto a course, everything has been booked up in my area for like 2 years now. I'm considering saving up to get a home kiln.

My clay recommendations might be limited to the UK/Europe. I use Sio-2 Plus, but my normal supplier has stopped selling it so I've half switched to Pebeo Gedeo.

I'm really fond of and highly recommend Channel 4's The Great Pottery Throw Down and absorbed a lot from watching it.

(This got really long so rest under the cut):

I prefer natural clays as they tend to allow for fairly fine detailing. Sio-2 Plus is my favourite of these. Pebeo Gedeo is very similar to Sio-2 except it tends to dry out quickly and form a sort of skin which can be annoying. The white version doesn't do this but the texture is more grainy. Glorex looks like it would be the same as the previous two but it tends to be chalky (marks surfaces, feels soft). I have a 5kg bag that I use for practice pieces. I would not sell something made from it. Scola (which seems to get sold under different names) I would not recommend as in my experience while it feels soft and nice to work with it's brittle and chalky. Hobbycraft's own clay used to be this gorgeous natural red clay (older pieces of mine prior to April 2023) but they've replaced it with synthetic clay that is totally different.

I don't like most synthetic clay as they tend to be like soggy, mushy paper making them harder to work with. They're better suited for making larger pieces. DAS I absolutely hate. I don't know if every pack I've gotten happens to be bad but it's borderline unworkable as it doesn't adhere to itself easily. There's also Earthstone, which is synthetic with a more natural feeling but it's sort of hairy and chalky.

Natural clays are usually in a see through plastic bag, while synthetic are usually in the same type of opaque plastic/foil-like packaging.

General advice: I have 2 tools I mainly use (besides my beloved hands); rubbery tip paintbrush-thing and a very blunt cake decorating knife.

I start with a basic shape made of scrunched up tin foil then build up on top of it, just make sure the clay is at least 50mm thick or it may crack. Also handy to have; cake decorating stand wheel (actual pottery ones are... pricy) and a tile for a flat easy clean surface (can get free sample ones online).

Moisturise your hands after working with clay. Get up and stretch regularly. Seek out inspiration, follow what moves you. Sketch out ideas beforehand, use reference images, do studies (drawing and clay), make practice pieces. Have fun with it.

Sorry this is a bit long winded but I hope it's helpful!