#self-sabotage

[serenityquest]

I never knew this!!!! 😮

[momentsbeforemass]

How can I screw this up?

Nobody works against themselves.

Seriously, when was the last time you said to yourself, “How can I screw this up?”

Never. It’s absurd.

That’s why Jesus mocks the Pharisees for accusing Him of doing that in today’s Gospel.

Because no one does that. At least not intentionally.

But, if we’re honest, all of us do exactly that. At different points, all of us do things that work against us. Without meaning to, you and I drift into habits that in fact work against our peace, our growth, our relationship with God.

What makes this hard is that when we start that drift into a habit that’s going to work against us, there’s almost never a clue that we’re headed off in the wrong direction. Or if there is one, it’s too subtle for us to notice.

And there are almost never signposts along the way that tell us we’re headed in the wrong direction. At least not that we notice.

Until one day, often during a crisis, we suddenly realize how far we’ve drifted. And then wonder how we got there.

Whether it’s big things or small things, for a lot of us, it’s a cycle that we’ll repeat over and over.

If you’re not where you want to be. If you’re missing something you used to have. If you don’t have the peace that comes from a healthy, loving relationship with God.

Then today, take the time to make an inventory of what you’re doing.

For everything that you’re doing (whether it’s intentional or something you just kind of do without thinking) ask this question, “Is this bringing me peace, is this bringing me closer to God?”

You don’t have to tell anyone about it, this is just for you. So you can be brutally honest with yourself. And you should.

Because if you are, you’ll discover things that you’re doing that are holding you back that you don’t even know about. Things that are coming between you and God.

Once you do, take the first step to rob them of their power to hold you back. But don’t do it alone. Recognize them for what they are. Then take them to God in prayer.

And be ready for a gentle, patient response. From the One who will be overjoyed to tackle them with you.

Today’s Readings

[otto-wood]

Happy 31st Birthday, Awsten! January 17, 1992

[the-healing-mindset]

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A post shared by Nedra Glover Tawwab, Therapist (@nedratawwab)

I found myself going through this with someone who had been in an abusive relationship before coming into contact with me. They would tell me things like "they loved me" and other similar things, only not to have their behavior reflect such a thing. Distance was necessary despite the attachment.

[stumblngrumbl]

ok so i want to bottle the cider i made in November

and i know i have these nice ceramic bottles from abbey ale

looked and found a bunch

only thing is

they're apparently not empty

and i can't remember when N made this beer, we hopped it with fir tips as an experiment

at the time it was pretty harsh

but

i tasted it

it actually tastes good

i only tasted, "taster style" spit it out & rinse mouth

then i looked on the web and everything i read says "old beer won't make you sick because the hops and alcohol keep things from growing in it"

so i tasted more and swallowed a couple sips

i mean this stuff is good, i've had much worse at a number of breweries

but the question is

[avoidantrecovery]

one less obvious way one can self-sabotage:

give yourself impossible to meet deadlines, making the task feel very daunting. and then shame because you (obv.) can’t make it, then procrastinate/give up completing the self-sabotage.

better:

give yourself realistic timeframes to do tasks/work. take your time, you don’t have to work quickly, stressed or ahead of schedule. divide tasks into smaller parts that can be worked on in set time frames and completed, giving yourself a sense of completion. you don’t have to finish all at once.

[quietflorilegium]

“What the fuck did you people do to me?” I demanded. “We loved you,” said the teenager. “That’s all. The rest, you did to yourself.”

Seanan McGuire, "A Killing Frost"

[limetimo]

GIRL HELP I NEED A PEP-TALK

Got a job offer. It's got potential for career growth but I don't have to stick around if it sucks. I'm qualified. I literally have a paper that says I know what I'm doing. I've been told many times I'm good at it, by lots of different people. I want to run and hide and ruin it for myself before I ruin it by actually messing up.

Any advice on how to stop self-sabotaging?

[i-am-a-secret-ssshhh]

Well...

It's finally happened.

I've self-sabotaged myself all the way to hell.

[nwenillyp]

I hate depressive moments but I long for these depressive moments when I'm happy

[momentsbeforemass]

Self-Sabotage

(for someone who’s their own worst enemy)

Do you want to be miserable?

Of course not. No one does.

Still, there are people whose actions say something different. People whose lives tell a different story.

People who – regardless of what they may say – apparently do want to be miserable.

Given their consistent efforts to sabotage their own happiness.

The key to receiving God’s best for our lives – even in the midst of the hardest things in life – is to quit comparing what’s going on in our lives to someone else’s life. Or some imagined version of our own.

And instead to live with a mind and heart open to God. With an attitude of “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”

The most effective way to avoid God’s best for your life?

Self-sabotage. By becoming the accusers in today’s Gospel.

Criticize. Everything.

Pick it apart. Find something that it lacks.

Pick them apart. Find something they didn’t do right. Or didn’t do enough.

Don’t worry if the faults aren’t immediately obvious.

Keep at it. If you look hard enough, you’ll find something.

If you stay focused on finding the worst, you won’t be disappointed.

Armed with their imperfections, it’s time to accuse.

Don’t just provide information. Revel in it.

This is your moment to shine. Take them down. As publicly as possible.

Then do it all again.

Of course, you will become stunted, both emotionally and spiritually. You’ll appreciate even the best things in life less and less. You’ll find it harder and harder to have healthy relationships. You’ll close yourself off from everyone, including God.

But that’s what you wanted, right?

Because that’s the payout for self-sabotage, making yourself truly miserable.

If that’s not what you want, then why are you doing it?

Todays’ Readings

[crmsnmth]

Eight

He brings his foo down hard His heavy black boots weighing onto my fingers Turning bones into dangerous splinters He's laughing as I'm breaking bones tearing tendons And I stare at him wearing a smile

Betrayal makes the whole world shine new.

His laughter's in the blood and it makes me realize I'm in love with the pain And hate despair destruction

I'm not healthy and neither are my relationships

[the-healing-mindset]

This... All too relatable. After years of being in a traumatizing environment and having a lot of old triggers that I didn't even know about be reactivated, I find myself doing nothing but self-sabotaging in both arenas of my life. I am always frustrated by it because I know that I am capable of so much more and that I have worked for so much more. But, I just continue to find that it's difficult to overcome.

Source: Dr. Glenn Doyle

[imkeepinit]

FISA Amendments Reauthorization Act of 2017, § 202

[3motionallyunavailable]

Let him go. Detach from him now. So it won't hurt. You. Especially him. He doesn't deserve what you put him through.

He doesn't.

Keep away, shut down, make him hate you, make him not want you anymore.

Tell him he deserves better. Tell him.

Tell him he can do better. Stop wasting his time.

you wasted his time. he didn't deserve that. you don't deserve him.

i don't deserve him.

[awaytobeunshaken]

Angstpril 2023 - Day 11: Self-Sabotage

“Why?” Ashton hasn’t said much in the days since they awoke. It had been hard to form words, though he’d understood what Milo told him. The daze, however, between misplaced memories and the concoctions Milo had drugged them up with and whatever the fuck was going on with their brain, was making a mess of Ashton’s coherence. He could manage ‘why?’ though.

“It was my fault,” Milo told him. “Job was my idea. Figured if she was dealing in some weird-ass magic shit maybe I could negotiate a share of it. Too big a target. Wasn’t worth it. You shouldn’t have had to die for it.”

Ashton accepts the explanation and tucks it away, too tired to do much more with it. It’s much the same explanation they might have given, in Milo’s shoes. It’s a few days before he asks it again. He’s a little more coherent now, able to complain about the food and ask for more water and let Milo know whatever’s in those drugs might make his body feel great but they leave his mind barely there. And somewhere in between a bland lunch that Milo insisted would be best for now and the project Ashton had been working on, modding an old leather jacket Milo had found while poking around through the trash dumped in the Hollow. “Why?”

“I told you.”

“I’m not talkin’ about you Milo. I mean all of it. Why you out of any of them. Why are you here when everyone else is gone?”

ao3

“Didn’t want to leave any evidence, didn’t want to leave a trail. I told them they should get out, lay low; wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do anything for you, but no reason they should all have to take the fall for it.”

This time Ashton can see the lie, the bite of anger in Milo’s eyes, but again he doesn’t have the energy to press them about it.

“They didn’t leave any word,” Ashton says, deadpan, a few days later.

“There wasn’t time,” Milo answered, but they don’t raise their head from their work.

“Fuck this. I need a drink.” They open the door.

“Ashton, wait!” But Ashton’s already gone. His bones are screaming as he winds his way through Fownsee Hollow; the drink’ll feel good. And not fuck with their head the way Milo’s shit does. He jams his hands into his pockets. Of course, no coin. Left to quickly to grab any, not that they have any to grab. The Hexum job was supposed to set him up for a bit, and glancing at the spider-web of gold across his shoulder, Ashton realizes that’s not entirely untrue. But they can’t exactly dig it out of their skin to pay. He’s gonna be stuck finding a pocket to pick like a fucking child.

The climb out of the Hollow has never been easy, but now it’s excruciating. Ashton stops a few times on the way up, and once they reach the top they sink to the ground unmoving for a good fifteen minutes. Gone. They must have helped bring him back to the Krook house, though; there was no way Milo dragged him back there all by themself, right? And no message, no forwarding address? No, that was good, safer that way, nothing for anyone to track. It was fine.

Ashton half wondered if Hexum might be holding them, or already turned them over to the law… but no, she’d be using them as a pawn to track down him and Milo. And honestly, if they’d gotten away after what Milo had described, the Nobodies must have managed to do the same. They were away and safe by now.

All there was left to do now was to keep it that way. And that’s what brings him back to the outside of Jiana Hexum’s estate, at the front door this time, pulling on the bell.