#self-sabotage

[serenityquest]

I never knew this!!!! 😮

[momentsbeforemass]

How can I screw this up?

Nobody works against themselves.

Seriously, when was the last time you said to yourself, “How can I screw this up?”

Never. It’s absurd.

That’s why Jesus mocks the Pharisees for accusing Him of doing that in today’s Gospel.

Because no one does that. At least not intentionally.

But, if we’re honest, all of us do exactly that. At different points, all of us do things that work against us. Without meaning to, you and I drift into habits that in fact work against our peace, our growth, our relationship with God.

What makes this hard is that when we start that drift into a habit that’s going to work against us, there’s almost never a clue that we’re headed off in the wrong direction. Or if there is one, it’s too subtle for us to notice.

And there are almost never signposts along the way that tell us we’re headed in the wrong direction. At least not that we notice.

Until one day, often during a crisis, we suddenly realize how far we’ve drifted. And then wonder how we got there.

Whether it’s big things or small things, for a lot of us, it’s a cycle that we’ll repeat over and over.

If you’re not where you want to be. If you’re missing something you used to have. If you don’t have the peace that comes from a healthy, loving relationship with God.

Then today, take the time to make an inventory of what you’re doing.

For everything that you’re doing (whether it’s intentional or something you just kind of do without thinking) ask this question, “Is this bringing me peace, is this bringing me closer to God?”

You don’t have to tell anyone about it, this is just for you. So you can be brutally honest with yourself. And you should.

Because if you are, you’ll discover things that you’re doing that are holding you back that you don’t even know about. Things that are coming between you and God.

Once you do, take the first step to rob them of their power to hold you back. But don’t do it alone. Recognize them for what they are. Then take them to God in prayer.

And be ready for a gentle, patient response. From the One who will be overjoyed to tackle them with you.

Today’s Readings

[quietflorilegium]

“What the fuck did you people do to me?” I demanded. “We loved you,” said the teenager. “That’s all. The rest, you did to yourself.”

Seanan McGuire, "A Killing Frost"

[windudemon]

evolution is too slow

modern society has evolved at a pace faster than our brains and instincts can keep up with. we are living in a world that our ancient survival instincts weren’t designed for. these outdated instincts often sabotage us for no good reason.

if you were outcast from your tribe, you were more likely to starve or fall victim to predators. in that world, fear of rejection and the drive to conform made sense. these instincts helped us fit in, avoid conflict, and increase our chances of survival and reproduction. yet the same brain processes continue today and punishes us for the small and stupid stuff as hard as it did in the age of survival so we get depressed and shit? fuck you stupid brain and hormones and neurotransmitters.

it's like first you felt panic because you had no food. this made sense ofc, you gotta move your ass and find some. but now you will panic because somebody publicly teased you a bit? the same punishment for these two things? same depression if you can't find food after panic and if you can't reply the teaser with a good comeback?

hello. evolution! speed the hell up and properly adapt! ease up on your punishment for small things. fucking overreacting bitch.

so for these reasons i have zero sympathy for humanity or "the natural"... natural can come kiss my ass. we should alter it. we should change our brain chemicals artificially to get rid of cuntly thoughs and obssessions and irrationalities.

imagine with a chip or whatever you could drop your cortisol levels by a percentage. you are stressed so much during job interviews? crank it up to %90 cortisol blockage.

all your friends having fun time at karaoke party but you are terrified? why? something obviously must be silenced in your brain.

[the-healing-mindset]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Nedra Glover Tawwab, Therapist (@nedratawwab)

I found myself going through this with someone who had been in an abusive relationship before coming into contact with me. They would tell me things like "they loved me" and other similar things, only not to have their behavior reflect such a thing. Distance was necessary despite the attachment.

[flyingturtle776]

What am I going to do when everybody I know is gone? The end marches closer and closer and all I can do is sit and watch as, one by one, they all disappear for one reason or another and I'm alone. I'm not worth the time they devoted to me. And I always mess up any relationships or friendships I'm in. It's only a matter of time before I'm alone again. I already feel so alone. I'm scared.

[avoidantrecovery]

one less obvious way one can self-sabotage:

give yourself impossible to meet deadlines, making the task feel very daunting. and then shame because you (obv.) can’t make it, then procrastinate/give up completing the self-sabotage.

better:

give yourself realistic timeframes to do tasks/work. take your time, you don’t have to work quickly, stressed or ahead of schedule. divide tasks into smaller parts that can be worked on in set time frames and completed, giving yourself a sense of completion. you don’t have to finish all at once.

[limetimo]

GIRL HELP I NEED A PEP-TALK

Got a job offer. It's got potential for career growth but I don't have to stick around if it sucks. I'm qualified. I literally have a paper that says I know what I'm doing. I've been told many times I'm good at it, by lots of different people. I want to run and hide and ruin it for myself before I ruin it by actually messing up.

Any advice on how to stop self-sabotaging?

[i-am-a-secret-ssshhh]

Well...

It's finally happened.

I've self-sabotaged myself all the way to hell.

[3motionallyunavailable]

Let him go. Detach from him now. So it won't hurt. You. Especially him. He doesn't deserve what you put him through.

He doesn't.

Keep away, shut down, make him hate you, make him not want you anymore.

Tell him he deserves better. Tell him.

Tell him he can do better. Stop wasting his time.

you wasted his time. he didn't deserve that. you don't deserve him.

i don't deserve him.

[momentsbeforemass]

Self-Sabotage

(for someone who’s their own worst enemy)

Do you want to be miserable?

Of course not. No one does.

Still, there are people whose actions say something different. People whose lives tell a different story.

People who – regardless of what they may say – apparently do want to be miserable.

Given their consistent efforts to sabotage their own happiness.

The key to receiving God’s best for our lives – even in the midst of the hardest things in life – is to quit comparing what’s going on in our lives to someone else’s life. Or some imagined version of our own.

And instead to live with a mind and heart open to God. With an attitude of “Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”

The most effective way to avoid God’s best for your life?

Self-sabotage. By becoming the accusers in today’s Gospel.

Criticize. Everything.

Pick it apart. Find something that it lacks.

Pick them apart. Find something they didn’t do right. Or didn’t do enough.

Don’t worry if the faults aren’t immediately obvious.

Keep at it. If you look hard enough, you’ll find something.

If you stay focused on finding the worst, you won’t be disappointed.

Armed with their imperfections, it’s time to accuse.

Don’t just provide information. Revel in it.

This is your moment to shine. Take them down. As publicly as possible.

Then do it all again.

Of course, you will become stunted, both emotionally and spiritually. You’ll appreciate even the best things in life less and less. You’ll find it harder and harder to have healthy relationships. You’ll close yourself off from everyone, including God.

But that’s what you wanted, right?

Because that’s the payout for self-sabotage, making yourself truly miserable.

If that’s not what you want, then why are you doing it?

Todays’ Readings

[nwenillyp]

I hate depressive moments but I long for these depressive moments when I'm happy

[crmsnmth]

Eight

He brings his foo down hard His heavy black boots weighing onto my fingers Turning bones into dangerous splinters He's laughing as I'm breaking bones tearing tendons And I stare at him wearing a smile

Betrayal makes the whole world shine new.

His laughter's in the blood and it makes me realize I'm in love with the pain And hate despair destruction

I'm not healthy and neither are my relationships

[imkeepinit]

FISA Amendments Reauthorization Act of 2017, § 202

[the-healing-mindset]

This... All too relatable. After years of being in a traumatizing environment and having a lot of old triggers that I didn't even know about be reactivated, I find myself doing nothing but self-sabotaging in both arenas of my life. I am always frustrated by it because I know that I am capable of so much more and that I have worked for so much more. But, I just continue to find that it's difficult to overcome.

Source: Dr. Glenn Doyle

[ryancrossfield]

overcome self-sabotage

Self-sabotage is a complex phenomenon that manifests when we consciously or unconsciously deny ourselves the opportunity to meet our innermost needs. Often, this occurs because we doubt our capacity to manage these needs effectively. This behavior is not just detrimental to our growth, but it is also an indication that our internal narrative is outdated, limiting, or simply incorrect.

The process of self-sabotage often stems from a negative association between achieving the goals we aspire to and the perceived person we must become to attain these goals. This is made more complex by the discomfort of unfamiliarity. Anything new, regardless of its potential benefits, will initially be uncomfortable until it becomes familiar. Unfortunately, this discomfort is often misconstrued as being "wrong," "bad," or "ominous," when it is merely a psychological adjustment phase.

Psychologist Gay Hendricks refers to this discomfort as hitting your "upper limit," the point at which you've reached your tolerance for happiness. Everyone has this threshold, a capacity for which they allow themselves to feel good. This concept aligns with what other psychologists refer to as a person's "baseline" - a set predisposition that they eventually revert to, even if certain events or circumstances temporarily shift it.

Interestingly, we tend to find comfort in the familiar, even if it does not serve our happiness or growth. Small shifts, compounded over time, can result in permanent baseline adjustments, but they often don't stick because we hit our upper limits. As soon as our circumstances extend beyond the amount of happiness we're accustomed to, we subconsciously find ways to bring ourselves back to a state we're comfortable with.

In some cases, these self-limiting beliefs arise from a need for self-preservation. Perhaps this is why we might prefer the known to the vulnerability of the unknown, why we might prefer apathy to excitement, or believe that suffering makes us more worthy. It might even explain why we think that for every good thing in life, there must also be an accompanying "bad."

To truly heal and move beyond self-sabotage, it's essential to alter these thought patterns. This change requires becoming acutely aware of negative and false beliefs and shifting to a mindset that serves us better. However, this change also demands honesty about our current state. We must love ourselves enough to refuse to settle for less than we deserve.

The greatest act of self-love is no longer accepting a life we are unhappy with. It requires confronting our problems directly, honestly, and straightforwardly. The first step to real change involves writing down everything you aren't happy with, clarifying every problem you face. Whether it's financial struggles, self-image issues, or anxiety, achieving clarity about what's wrong is the foundation for change. At this juncture, you have a choice: make peace or commit to changing. Lingering in indecision only prolongs the state of being stuck.

It's important to recognize that we don't reach a breaking point because of a single or a few negative events. We reach a breaking point when we finally accept that the problem isn't the world; it is how we interact with it. This realization is a beautiful reckoning to have, as Ayodeji Awosika explains, it involves finding the purest form of being fed up and making a commitment to change.

People are naturally guided by comfort. They gravitate towards what feels familiar and resist what doesn't, even if the unfamiliar could be objectively better for them. The majority of people do not actually change their lives until the discomfort of not changing becomes unbearable. This usually means they don't truly face the difficulty of altering their habits until they have no other choice.

One of the significant barriers to doing important internal work is the fear of the consequential life changes. If they confront their unhappiness, it might mean experiencing temporary discomfort, shame, or fear as they start over. Yet, this discomfort is an essential stepping stone towards profound healing and personal growth.

Remember, what you stand to lose in this process is merely what was constructed for a person you no longer are. Clinging to your old life is the ultimate act of self-sabotage, and releasing it is the first crucial step towards real change.

In summary, self-sabotage is a reflection of our internal struggles, outdated narratives, and fear of the unknown. However, with conscious effort, self-awareness, and the courage to change, it's possible to break free from this damaging cycle. The journey may be challenging, filled with moments of discomfort and fear, but the reward is a life that truly aligns with your desires, values, and a true sense of self-love.