#self-hating transphobia

[livingfictionsystem]

The Most Transphobic Trans Person I've Ever Dated:

AJ Lovelle aka Alexander Nightshade was actually my introduction to the concept of non-binary, for better or for worse. But they were so unbelievably toxic that I consider them a very good example of self-hating transphobia.

They also betrayed me for essentially nothing, so consider this a petty storytime.

Their dysphoria and dysmorphia was intense enough to power the city of Paris. Despite having the build of an uncanny Jack Skellington cosplayer, they would insist that the mere fact of them having been AFAB had left them with a body 'only a breeder' would have that made them look like 'a fat lesbian' and 'Kim Kardashian.'

I wasn't the only one baffled by this. During their volatile and suicidal rants, wherein they would graphically vow to off themselves in front of their entire FB audience, they would cite 'huge curves' that only they perceived.

If you would dare to point out how they actually looked, you would be told that you were 'gaslighting them out of suicide.'

AJ also tried to convince me that it was their 'pear-shaped body' that led men to assume that they were into 'PIV sex.' (aka 'Straight sex') When I asked when that was, they admitted that this was when they were closeted and pretending they were a cis woman.

They failed to see how that might have contributed.

Once, their relative told them that they smelled of onions. AJ's response was to look this up and discover that this was a 'feminine' scent and that it was even more proof that they were doomed to a hyper-femme, 'breeder' body.

I asked if they'd had onions that day. They snapped at me that they didn't believe that was relevant and called me dismissive.

This, of course, would ricochet onto other people. AJ would rant endlessly about how it offended them that trans-mascs would have 'PIV sex' and how it was making life harder for them specifically. They told me since I favoured *my* larger hips and that it didn't make me dysphoric, then that meant I wasn't actually non-binary. AJ had also told me that since I'd had top surgery, I didn't have anything to be dysphoric about. They constantly berated on me for my broad shoulders and my 'superior brow-ridge' to mock any dysphoria I had, insisting I was one of the lucky ones.

AJ would even incorrectly misidentify cis men as trans. They once referred to a cis male model and asked, "Why would he name himself Justin?" I told them, "Oh, I think that's his given name." They rolled their eyes and told me the model was 'definitely trans' because they could 'always tell.' The model was not.

I once referred to them as 'the one' that did something, and they insisted to me that I had called them 'the woman.' Easy enough to mishear over the phone, but there was no convincing them. They blamed their voice.

They did get misgendered. Long hair, make-up, and elegant clothes do that for even cis men; male is a gender gate-kept beyond absurdity and it always had been. But it would always go back to them having 'investigated' and finding beyond a shadow of a doubt that they had the most 'feminine shape' in all of existence and that this was the only reason why.

AJ would also constantly threaten to starve themselves or try self-surgery. When i insisted on a therapist, they told me the therapist was 'giving them the run-around.' "All they want to do is TALK." When I asked what else AJ expected, they gestured towards their hips and told me, 'FIXING IT.'

They also believed that they only had 'situational depression' since people who led stressful lives couldn't also have clinical depression.

One of their GoFundMe posts lists all of their attempts in chronological order---I'm not kidding. As a last Hail Mary to try to save them, I saved over three grand to get them the lipo surgery they said would save their life.

And then used the funds to redo my study when I found out they'd been feeding information about me to my abusers.

As far as I know, AJ has had two surgeries since then and somehow isn't satisfied. They refuse to acknowledge one can have dysmorphia and dysphoria at the same time, as if the presence of dysmorphia would mean they were never trans.

If you'd take anything from this fun little story, just know that---

Trans people can be transphobic and use their own dysphoria as a pass to be. It is not.

If you have a close friend or partner who has yelled at you and threatened to snuff it on a weekly basis for six years, it's time to leave. And probably get your blood pressure checked.

Someone who believes systemhood and psychology is a farce is also likely to neglect their own mental health to the detriment of all around them.

And you can't save those who don't want to be. They are still breathing, though I broke up with them four years ago. You can leave; even if they do make good on their threats, it wouldn't be your fault.

-Xanthe (Fictive/Cohost/Protector)

[sorryiwasasleep]

nah cause now that her beef and bullshit about david tennant are making the terf fucker jkr pop up on my feed again, let’s all fucking have a discussion about what is CONSTANTLY on my mind but specifically:

Millennial Teachers I am Talking To You!!!

⚠️‼️

STOP DECORATING CLASSROOMS WITH HARRY POTTER!!!!

‼️⚠️

JK Rowling is a transphobic misandrist spreading violent rhetoric and when YOU, an educator, decorate your classroom with her works and characters then YOU send the message to your students and anyone else in that building that YOU are also a TERF endorsing and supporting her beliefs.

- Now— I have the benefit of being in elementary schools more often than most by nature of work and I personally have seen more than a handful of classes decorated as such in the 2023-2024 school year alone. So do not try to tell me this isn’t happening.

- I also understand and acknowledge that for most of these people— they GENUINELY DON’T KNOW THIS ABOUT JKR! They just decorate their classroom as such for nostalgia.

But that doesn’t make it acceptable. It doesn’t erase the cognitive dissonance of seeing the ‘LGBTQ+ students have a right to feel safe in schools’ signs juxtaposed with Harry Potter decor and knowing as a queer adult in that building that any trans child would NOT necessarily be safe in that school.

*I am NOT saying pull Harry Potter from your classroom bookshelf or school library. I am not saying A CHILD cannot enjoy harry potter. I am saying AS THE ADULT IN THE ROOM—

‼️TEACHERS IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW WHAT MESSAGING YOU ARE PROJECTING!!! ‼️

You can’t just hang pictures of the characters or stuffed animals or quotes or section the tables by hogwarts house cause ‘its nostalgic’ or ‘let people have fun’ or ‘death of the author!’

ACKNOWLEDGE THE SOURCE!

ACKNOWLEDGE THE PROBLEMS!

AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WHEN YOU DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THESE THINGS TO IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG CHILDREN LEAVES THEM WITH THE IMPRESSION (a) YOU SUPPORT TRANSPHOBIA; AND/OR (b) THAT THEY TOO SHOULD SUPPORT AND LISTEN TO TRANSPHOBES.

There are OTHER BOOKS! I promise.

[uncanny-tranny]

Also, in response to the "testosterone making people angrier" myth, I've found that, personally, testosterone has given me the self-respect to recognize and call out when my boundaries are being overstepped in ways that I wouldn't have had the courage (or, frankly even liking of myself) to have done before. This is in addition to me working on my trauma responses, but testosterone was the spark that gave me the will to do this in the first place. When I see people sae that as anger and thus is a "bad thing," I wonder how much of that is just people being uncomfortable with us... having boundaries or enforcing them, and that the response to that overstepping is labeled as aggressive anger.

Frankly, I now actually respect myself enough to care when I am being mistreated. It seems that people sometimes take that as a personal failure on my end because I don't think I deserve mistreatment.

Caveat: Anger is a fine emotion, and it is a worthy thing to recognize and honour. I find that the accusation of trans men* and trans masc* people "being angry" on testosterone is a moot point simply because it is often a false accusation which uses anger as a punishment. My issue isn't that we're "angry," but that our perceived anger is used, often, as a transphobic bludgeon to punish those who either want to transition with testosterone or who currently are, and everything in-between.

[antifainternational]

This summer, The International Anti-Fascist Defence Fund helped pay for lawyers for two anti-fascists arrested in Pittsburgh during a protest against an event where trans people's right to exist was being "debated" by a paleo-conservative libertarian and one of Ben Shapiro's lackeys. Full story above. Help us defend the people defending the rights of trans people to simply exist - make a contribution to the Defence Fund!

[bubonickitten]

Another thing I think is worth discussing:

Transphobic and other anti-LGBTQ+ violence perpetuated by, against, and among youth isn't just a matter of punishing the aggressors for their actions.

Adults throughout the U.S. -- school administrators, school boards, lawmakers, etc. -- have actively and willfully created an environment where LGBTQ+ (particularly trans and nonbinary) youth are dehumanized by not only institutions and the adults that run them, but by their peers.

They effectively deny kids the right to do something as basic as use the bathroom. They ban teachers from using the names and pronouns of trans/nb youth. They create policies requiring schools to notify parents when kids express LGBTQ+ identity (which puts those kids at risk of isolation, abuse, and "conversion" attempts if their families are transphobic or homophobic). They challenge and ban books by and/or about LGBTQ+ people (again: especially trans/nonbinary people), invoking "parents' rights." This not only infringes on (most importantly imo) kids' basic right to read, but also infringes on other parents' rights, dictating how they raise their children by removing anything they deem "inappropriate" from school libraries and curricula.

They have sent a message to LGBTQ+ youth themselves through these actions -- "you are unwanted; you are unwelcome; we do not see you as children worthy of an education and basic human decency, but as boogeymen and the embodiment of the types of people we hate." This erodes the mental health of and contributes to the already disproportionately high rates of self-harm and suicide among LGBTQ+ youth.

But these adults have also sent a corresponding message to straight, cisgender youth that their LGBTQ+ peers are to be silenced, denied humanity, and eliminated from any space they occupy at any cost (whether that means bullying them into the closet and locking the door, or using violence or ostracism to silence the ones who cannot or do not hide their identities).

There's also a broader discussion to be had about how the criminal justice system deals with violence perpetrated by minors: punitive vs. rehabilitative approaches; accounting for the developmental stage of the minor(s) in question while still centering and ensuring justice for the victim(s); discriminatory practices in conviction and sentencing (as well as whether someone is tried as a juvenile or an adult), particularly with regards to race and class.

But, point is, I don't think we can stop anti-LGBTQ+ and other hate-based violence and bullying by focusing on the individual perpetrators involved in each instance, or addressing it on a case-by-case basis. The adults in charge are (whether implicitly or explicitly) sending the message that all LGBTQ+ people, including LGBTQ+ kids, are -- in the words of Oklahoma State Senator Tom Woods referring to Nex Benedict -- "filth". At the end of the day, these are grown adults bullying and abusing literal children. They can't absolve themselves of responsibility when those kids' peers mirror that hate.

[utilitycaster]

Without FAIL every single person I've seen throw a fit over people "being mean" to fictional characters is extremely awful towards the real people they perceive as being insufficiently respectful towards the pretend people

[maybemeursault]

look okay it's bad to erase marvin's canonical sexuality and the fact that She Likes Men but i literally genuinely with all my heart think that she is a trans woman

[tricoufamily]

once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

[sailoreuterpe]

"The government killed my student for having an opinion!!"

"Retards are having babies and putting them in microwaves!!"

"Chemicals in the water are causing androgyny!!"

I probably should have declined to visit my mom's conspiracist best friend. DX

[antiterf]

To any person who has felt internalized transphobia, if you feel the world is against you, then know that I support you. It can be so hard hating yourself and hating the group you belong to. It takes so much work to even begin to feel comfortable with yourself, even more with your community. Even if what I say to you politically wise is too much, that it’s too far. Even if you’ve hurt other trans people, it doesn’t matter in how much I care for you. I still care about you because I have been the person crying about how much they’re a freak in the bathroom mirror. I care about you because it’s unfair for you to endure this hardship. No matter what, I want you to get through this, and I’d be overjoyed if you promised to survive it.

No matter what, just please, never forget that you are human. You are never less than human. 

[tanuki1029]

Don't make egg jokes. Not for the standard, blatantly transphobic reasons, but because it's way funnier and more effective to very tenderly touch a guy on the shoulder and say, "Hey, it's okay. I know how you feel. You're not wrong for wanting to be a girl."

This makes it way easier to laugh off in the moment, and *also* has a much higher success rate of having a girl call you sobbing thanks later that night. In conclusion

Don't say shit about eggs in secret. Tell her to her face she's allowed to be a girl. Tell her you can't wait to see the woman she always was. Tell him to his face that he's allowed to be a boy. Tell him to can't wait to see the man he always was.

Don't worry, cis man. I hear you. I see you. I understand it's hard to be called the bad, weak gender. As consolation, you may kick a kickball into my face and tell me I throw like a girl as all your peers did before you. We can even find your favorite group of Kindergarteners to run around with you chanting about how much boys rule and girls drool. You'll fit right in.

[nixthemagicdragon]

Transphobia kills

This is the first time I'm going serious, but I feel like I need to do this.

In a world where acceptance should reign supreme, the stories of Nex Benedict, Brianna Ghey, and Jacob Williamson are a powerful reminder of the grim reality faced by many who dare to live as their true selves. Their lives, though cut short, carry a deep message that speaks to the fundamental right of every individual to be recognized, respected, and loved for who they are.

Nex Benedict, Brianna Ghey, and Jacob Williamson, like countless others, bravely embraced their true selves despite the societal pressures and prejudices that sought to constrain them. They stood tall in the face of adversity and defiantly challenged the narrow-mindedness and bigotry that infects our communities. Tragically, their journeys were cut short by transphobia - a force that continues to claim lives and shatter dreams.

Their stories are a powerful reminder that the fight for equality and acceptance is far from over. Transphobia, in all its forms, is a plague that not only threatens the lives of transgender, non-binary, and gender-nonconforming people, but also undermines the very foundation of our society. It fuels fear, division and injustice, creating barriers to understanding and compassion where empathy and solidarity should flourish.

We live in a world where celebrating authenticity in theory is often condemned in practice - a world where the mere act of being oneself can be met with hostility and violence. It's a sobering reality that demands our collective attention and action. We cannot afford to remain passive bystanders in the face of such injustice. The deaths of Nex Benedict, Brianna Ghey, and Jacob Williamson serve as a call to action - a call to dismantle the systemic inequalities and prejudices that continue to plague our society. It is up to each of us to challenge the status quo, to confront discrimination and hate wherever it manifests, and to create a world in which every individual can live freely and fully without fear of oppression or persecution.

Most importantly, we must never forget the lives and legacies of those lost to transphobia. We must honor their memory by continuing the work they started - by standing up for justice, equality and human rights for all. Nex Benedict, Brianna Ghey, and Jacob Williamson may no longer be with us, but their spirit lives on in the struggle for a more just and equitable world.

Transphobia kills, and that's not okay. But together, through our collective action and unwavering solidarity, we can strive to create a world where love prevails over hate, and where all people are free to live authentically, without fear or prejudice. This is the legacy we must honor. This is the future we must build.

[spaceautomatedcommie]

I just got excited to watch the first half of beastars season 3 in December (because it’s my birth month) but then I realised that I’ll be watching a furry show that I can’t talk about with most of my friends as a 24 year old virgin 💀

Lord Jesus could my life get anymore pathetic? Never been crushed on, ugly, introverted, fat, autistic, furry getting excited to watch a wolf and a rabbit have a will they won’t they…

(Obviously nothing wrong with being ugly, fat, introverted, autistic or a furry. I love my ppl and find many of you extremely hot and cool but combined with my black and transness on an antiblack, TERF island, these traits don’t make me the most attractive to 99% of the population.)

I really do wish everyday that I hadn’t watched the beastars video essay my ex recommended. I love the show and I think it’s such an amazing concept however, it’s not that fun getting into it when I can’t talk about it for fear of judgement.

[cozybearz]

i hate when u just get a feeling abt someones blog and check to make sure ur wrong about it and then you’re not wrong abt it smh

[rattinahatt]

Might delete my twitter account tbh

[tenderqueso]

hey tumblr i am cutting you some slack here because clearly you are busy and that's why you haven't gotten around to removing either the collection of caricatures of trans people hanging themselves or the post where the OP joked about how they would rather commit suicide than be perceived as jewish and the holocaust was fake, both of which i reported over a week ago. right?

(folks can reblog this btw. i don't mean that in a guilt trippy way. i think getting any more eyes on this than mine might mean some extra encouragement for tumblr. but i understand if anyone doesn't want this content on their blog)