#self: for me for me only for me
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Well, look there, I have written another 34,000 word novella.
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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dead man walking
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#not me triple counting that i drew all 20 fingers gHJFHGH#in the sketch i only had 18 so that tells u all u need to know about my ability to count past 5#so much RED in this i feel so at home#challenges self one (1) time to not use red in a piece n IMMEDIATELY drowns the next one in it afterwards#listen . listen ok if tbhk can do it so can i .#is yuuji's character colour technically orange ???? lmao well not with me its not slaps red on that boy#i love u yuuji sorry i keep drawing u sad and/or cannibalistic :(
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lulaw bodyswap (or, the exquisite humiliation of trafalgar law) for @strawhattery's birthday!
bonus: the original toilet humor gag that ended up on the chopping block
#one piece#luffy#trafalgar law#lulaw#dont worry hes intolerant not celiac#for gluten i mean. hes surprisingly tolerant in all other ways#anyway. hes not in danger. hes just in absolute misery from those sandwiches#oh uh...#sanji#zoro#usopp#franky#chopper#jimbei#nami#brook#i really hope tumblr still only searches the first 5 tags so i dont spam anyone#wait#is it#robin#or#nico robin#IM SORRY ROBIN IVE FORGOTTEN MY OWN TAG FOR YOU#happy bday stinky. stinky bree. i hope ur happy with this :')))))))#its a gift for u. but also its so self indulgent that its probably for me too...
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I so badly wish there was more of Shen Jiu,,, 😭
#tw: blood#mushyrt#svsss#scum villian self saving system#scumbag system#bingqiu#If someone gave me permission I would be willing to draw the entirely of the original intended PIDW LMFAO#OR EVEN SVSSS - BINGHE POV#I WANT BINGHE ONLY POV OF SVSSS SO BAD#IT’D BE SO SAD#BUT ALSO HILARIOUS FROM AN OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE WITH HOW SQQ TURNS THE STORY INTO A CIRCUS
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Have you seen anything more romantic? (They make me SICKKKKK)
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#labru#laios touden#kabru of utaya#this is technically#the first ship art Ive ever made#that wasn’t a self ship of me and sokka i made in grade 9#ANYWAY#i am cringe but i am free#They make me crazy i need them to beat each other up#(im anime only rn sorryyyyy)#Also Sorry to everyone that voted for oc content but dw. im cooking#also happy art fight#!#my tArt#🍋🟩’s Art#artists on tumblr
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Ok hear me out: Narilamb but they're both aroace and in a qpr.
I've been rolling around in my head for like a long long time this idea that Narinder and Lambert could both be aroace and (after like. A couple of centuries or so) end up in this like very comfortable very close relationship that neither of them define as anything specific other than calling it a "companionship". But on the other hand most of the cult thinks that they're dating in secret or something despite the fact that both of them have said they don't take lovers, because they are clearly very tight but maybe not super openly so, so maybe the cultists thing they're being secretive and hiding something or something like that. Idk but my aroace brain loves thinking about extremely close (mostly) platonic relationships and for some reason my brain decided hmm. I'm going to take this and throw it at Narilamb and see how I like it.
So then I decided to make a ridiculous joke comic about Narinder asking Lambert's hand in marriage specifically because he wants to get out of paying taxes. Because like, I know that spouse followers do actually still have to pay taxes in the actual game but. Hey Narinder and Lambert have presumably never married so they probably don't know that...? Honestly the only reason I made this was because the concept tickled me and I spent too much time on this for no one to see it, so. This comic and all it's absolute ridiculousness be upon ye.
While there's a tiny part of me that's been thinking about making this into an AU (which I'd probably call something like the "Strictly Platonic AU" or something), I know for a fact that I would blatantly not do anything legitimate with it so. It's an unofficial AU I guess?? But. Anyways. I thought this would be funny. Enjoy my ramblings and I hope you enjoy this thing that I spent. Actual time on. Lol
#cotl#cotl fanart#cult of the lamb#cult of the lamb fanart#cotl lamb#cotl narinder#cotl narilamb#narilamb#(not sure if this counts as full on narilamb but hey for the folks who don't wanna see it it's properly tagged)#tbh there's a part of me that doesn't know why I'm posting this cuz. it's so ridiculous and silly and self indulgent and like#it probably only appeals to me specifically but hey. I thought it was funny and maybe someone else will too#also new lambert face!! which i'm super happy with they look really good i think in comparison to my other drawings of them so far#anyways that's enough tag rambles. if you've read this far into the tags then uh. hello!! I hope you recieved good news today :D
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i cant think of a caption i have an exam tomorrow 💀(it is currently 12 am <3)
#taikko art#yes this is a reference to the one raggedy ann movie#i think im starting to get fixated on raggedy ann but im a lil guilty cuz i only got around to watching it because of tadc and i dont wanna#-be the one insufferable tadc fan </3#i saw the comments on the movie on yt talking abt ragatha and it pissed me off i got self conscious lmao#tadc fandom. pls dont touch raggedy ann shes her own seperate thing pleae#same thing happened with my interest in animatronics being constantly being told its fnaf MADE ME SOO MADD#ragapom#jesterdoll#buttonblossom#ragatha x pomni#pomatha#ragamni#pomni x ragatha#the amazing digital circus#tadc fanart#tadc pomni#gooseworx#amazing digital circus#tadc#pomni#tadc fandom#the digital circus#digital circus#tadc art#fanart#art#digital art#ship art#tadc ship
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we were fucking ROBBED
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#the only ssr i'll whale for#oh my god i loved this update. holy shit#got some ~compositions~ in mind so i'll get to the more serious stuff later#in the meantime those first couple of chapters genuinely made me question if i was perhaps trapped in my own absurd dream or not#the whole-ass video just DROPPED in there idia how long were you WORKING on that#don't forget to like and subscribe! :)#i demand that all cutscenes be animated in that style forevermore#i also demand that all clothing changes henceforth be done via magical girl transformation phrase#not just in the dreamworld. all of them.#DREAM~~~~~FORM~~~~~CHAAAA~~~~NGE#also savanarook was so unexpectedly precious! i want to protect him.#augh there's SO MUCH and i am SO PLEASED with all of it#anyway i guess we're going to be going through everyone's dreams after all!#and it's going to be a THING!!!!!!!! CLOSURE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE FOR EVERYONE#(insert 'it's all coming together' meme)#man i hope 'please watch this video' remains a running gag it's AMAZING#also i cannot believe#i cannot BELIEVE#that the plan is actually literally#defeat malleus by inviting everyone else to the party except him#HIS ULTIMATE WEAKNESS#malleus doesn't get to be in smash bros
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chat i dont think i can explain this one
#i wanted to do a clothes-swap with all three (yall know who) but then i ran out of juice DFGHJD#why did i learn how to draw if not to make things that are self-indulgent and caters only to me#and sometimes you wanna dress em up like little dolls DFGHJD#dungeon meshi#chilchuck tims#sunnysidedraws#sunnysidedoodles#sunnysidemeshi#described#id in alt text
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i have suddenly become obsessed with a theme that HoO established but never proceeded to extrapolate on, which is:
You are Percy Jackson, and you have been swapped with a boy who was allegedly everyone's favorite person, but they have decided to replace him with you. They just met you. You stand next to his best friend and the people he's known his entire life. In his home. In his cloak. In his place. They stopped looking for him.
You are Jason Grace, and you have just found out you have a long lost sister who completely replaced you in her life with this girl you just met. Your lives and personalities are mirrors. She is you, living the life you were robbed of.
You are Annabeth Chase, and you have just become starkly aware that you have been inhabiting the void left behind by your best friend's long lost brother. You and Luke were just replacements for him. Now you have to look him in the eyes when he has nothing and know you took that life from him.
You are Piper McLean, and you have just found out your relationship is fake and built entirely on the memories of Annabeth Chase. You have been given a boyfriend when hers has been taken away. You have no idea how much of it is real or not but regardless you feel like if your relationship isn't exactly in their image that you have failed.
You are Leo Valdez, and you have just learned that you are the echo of your great-grandfather. You are not your own person. You just exist to be a mirror of him. A doppelganger. An actor and stunt double facing all the danger he never had to but wearing his face. To be there for his best friend decades later simply because he couldn't. You are playing a role. A seventh wheel and a pawn for a goddess who carefully sculpted your entire life for her own purposes.
You are Hazel Levesque, and the only reason you are alive is because your brother couldn't save your his sister. You are a consolation prize. An apology. Your existence here is misplaced in every way but you inhabit it anyways.
You are Frank Zhang, and you are a shapeshifter. Inhabiting your own body feels strange and clumsy when you could be literally anything at any time. You are anything and everything and live your life with the simple certainty of knowing exactly how you will die.
#pjo#hoo#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#riordanverse#jason grace#annabeth chase#piper mclean#leo valdez#hazel levesque#frank zhang#meta#analysis#me shaking hoo: what if we actually address the interpersonal dynamics of the characters. please. please. please. please.#frank is the only person on the boat not having an identity crisis tied to another member of the crew somehow and that is FASCINATING#but also WHERE is all the interpersonal literally anything. hello. please. making grabby hands. everybody identity crisis go.#i wanna see the entire argo ii crew stumbling through trying to figure out their places and senses of self!!!!!#particularly in relation to each other!!!!! we get snippets but we rarely ever get the full thing or a resolution!!!#like. HELLO??? Piper acknowledging that her relationship with Jason is artificially sculpted in the image of Annabeth and Percy???#and that her ideals of what Jason and her can be are just that she feels like they need to be like what Percy and Annabeth have????#and thats just DROPPED COMPLETELY????#poor Jason is getting replaced twice. Leo is not his own person.#Hazel at least gets the resolution that Nico does not truly see her as a consolation prize#but Annabeth gets to be hit with the like EIGHT YEAR DELAY of learning the place she inhabits in Thalia's life is the echo of someone else#cause like. yeah she knew Thalia had lost her brother but i dont think it clicked for her until she met Jason that oh. she *replaced* him#Frank at least has some certainty about his identity in one aspect (his curse). everybody else is floundering a bit#except for maybe Percy but its kind of the camps of ''i replaced this person and it weighs on me'' versus ''i have been replaced''
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I have a LOTT of sketches I could post rn but these 2 are recent and I'm fond of them <3 Steph costume ideas and Tim/Damian cringe bickering inspired by Batman: Brave and the Bold #18!
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#stephanie brown#tim drake#been drawing more self indulgent doodles lately which is nice#these r sort of a part of that lol#i drew the tim and damian one back when that stort actually came out it's. definitely interesting#if only for portraying Tim and Damian as equally flawed individuals (contrasted to the zdarsky batman for example)#AND unintentionally highlighted how low-key embarrassing it is that Tim is still robin. it's got a part two coming out sometime this month#and the Steph doodle was inspired by me rereading her batgirl run since the trade came out! and remembering how hard Lee Garbetts art slayed#but yeah while i figure out what to post and how- have this#the tim and damian one got like 3 likes on the bird app meanwhile the Steph one is at 1.3k w 93 bookmarks#say what you will about the bird app but when you get the right ppls attention that place does NOT have to be batboy centric#(or soley batboy centric. i like them a lot (damian mainly) but the variety is nice compared to here)
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CONTROL YOURSELF
#the substance#my art#your body as consumption vs consumption as your body and so on#still thinking a lot about this film. boy does it manage to nail the angle of simmering self hatred#but the line ‘is it getting harder to remember you deserve to exist’ has stuck with me. its sad but its also very resonant#and its an important reminder. there is no dissociative self you’re hurting. there is only you#the substance 2024#demi moore#margaret qualley
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Bingqiu AU where Luo Binghe's the chosen village sacrifice to the evil deity who lives up the mountain.
Normally the village sends maidens, but they've more or less run out of expendable girls of the right age and, ahem, "virtues". So of course Luo Binghe's early life bad luck kicks in. In the wake of his mother's death there's no one to really care about what happens to him, he's fairly pretty, and the village leaders decide that if they dress him up like a girl the teenaged homeless kid should pass well enough. And hey, y'know, he's probably got a hard life ahead for him anyway -- dying in a brothel of some venereal disease or on the streets of exposure or starvation. At least as a sacrifice, everyone else gets to benefit from his loss! And the kid will get added to a shrine and be remembered as a hero! If anything, he should be happy about this!
Binghe is not happy about this.
But he's also a skinny underfed nobody who is easily overpowered, dressed up like a bride, and tied to a post. So. Not much he can do but wait for the evil deity to come and do whatever horrible thing he's gonna do to him.
Meanwhile, Shen Yuan is pretty sure he's been isekai'd into the over-powered hero of some kind of supernatural adventure story? He's not totally sure because he doesn't recognize the setting, but the signs are there. He's got a shrine-like base of operations (though it seems to have become corrupted/ruined, probably he has to restore it somehow), he has a very resilient and handsome new body with spiritual energy of some kind flowing through him, and a very clearly magical sword. Plus lots of neat starter powers! Though it feels like he has other abilities that have been blocked somehow? Probably he has to level up in order to access them.
When he treks out of his "base" and finds what seems to be a distressed maiden, he takes it for his beginner hero mission. The girl claims that she's been doomed to be sacrificed to an evil god. That sounds a little above Shen Yuan's pay grade for dealing with, so he unties her and decides that they had better just get out of the whole region altogether. He already packed up anything useful from his base, anticipating he might get caught up in an adventure once he left, so they follow the river away from the settlement until they reach another one.
While they travel, Luo Binghe tells Shen Yuan about the cursed deity, Shen Qingqiu, who was cast out of the heavens for slaughtering one of his brethren and has apparently being do-who-knows what to maidens from the local village in exchange for his "protection" ever since. Sounds like a real asshole! And also mid-level boss type bad guy at least. Shen Yuan hopes he doesn't have to fight him, but he probably will.
Thank goodness he found Binghe, though! Clearly the helpful little sister type! He's definitely going to require her assistance if he's going to figure out how to navigate this world and level up his skills enough to take on a god.
#svsss#bingqiu#scum villain's self saving system#scum villain#luo binghe: I don't know why the evil deity toys with me this much but as long as he is amused then he's not killing me#luo binghe: each day he lets me live is another blessing especially since I have no hope of escape#luo binghe: is it for some sick amusement that he drags me to and from the dens of monsters and feigns ignorance?#luo binghe: if I reveal that I know the truth will the ruse end? does he do this with all his sacrifices?#luo binghe: or is he toying with me because he knows that I'm not really a maiden at all? standing on this knife's edge is unbearable#luo binghe: and yet somehow this is the most stable my life has been ever since the death of my poor mother#luo binghe: the world is cruel -- perhaps if I become whatever it is this god desires I might be shielded from more of it for another day#luo binghe: wait I have heavenly demon blood? then... perhaps my dark master considers me a suitable companion thanks to this?#luo binghe: are we two companions in this wretched world? outsiders sharing scorn and thus only able to find solace in each other?#luo binghe: is this what it feels like to care and be cared for? it's been so long I had almost completely forgotten it#shen yuan: gosh these upgrades are getting convoluted I wish I had a skill menu or something#shen yuan: oooh neat a slime! easy exp!
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currently reading svsss and going insane
#svsss#scum villain self saving system#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#mxtx#luo binghe my beautiful princess with several disorders never did anything worng i love him#doodling was the only thing keeping me from reading all 4 volumes in 3 days#ja q ta td mundo mencionando eu acabei fazendo o lqg falar em pt pq viado é mt mais engraçado do q faggot tbh
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