#self projecting?!? On MY tumblr account?? More likely than you thought

[empiressys]

Thinkin about them again.,.,,

(Sigh I haven't done ship art in a hot minute)

[catatombi]

beware of fang

Hey, im gonna say it outright and state that this is a call out. people get called out for being dangerous. fangs nearly pushed 3 people to commit suicide(including myself) and i had to be hospitalized because of him, so this feels justified. Im sorry if you disagree, ill keep it short and to the point If you’ve been a long time follower of his im sure you’ve seen his vague posts about his ex friends, the cotl tumblr community and “fandom drama” with little to no context behind it, other than various people appearing on his DNI. his vague nature in the posts is intentional, he doesn't want to let on that he was abusing his friends. Ive tried time and time again to write something but it never seemed right, like what he’s done to me and my friends wasn’t severe enough to warrant something like this, but it is and i don't want to let this go any longer, esp not when he has my friends, their names, usernames and literal contact information in his DNI list Over the last year ive been friends with fang hes been horrible. Hes never changed and refuses to acknowledge what hes done to his friends and how horribly he has hurt them, to keep this short im keeping this bullet pointy Here is his carrd, he has everything neatly outlined for yall to block on every platform Dont harass, dont contact. all of this is public information so https://web.archive.org/web/20240713073710/https://fanged-info.carrd.co/#boundaries

https://fanged-info.carrd.co/ Twit: FFANGEDD / narilamb_ / mewhenimsilly Insta: ffangedd / narilamb Tumblr: ffangedd / fanged-cotl / fanged-xeno Cara: narilamb Blusky: fanged / narilamb Itaku: fanged Artfight: FANGED Toyhouse: FFANGEDD Sheezy: fanged Discord & telegram: narilamb All the people mentioned have given consent Cw !!! abuse, suicide, self harm https://drive.google.com/drive/u/2/folders/1MLMOT-qvgrX-9NnUEgpl4AkEPfixy2wG

The drive is a bit out of date, as I logged it all before april. Hes posted more awful shit and vented to me again since then Feel free to request the letter i wrote to him, i might share it anyway because it sums up my thoughts on the matter If you want any additional context feel free to ask

Fang uses suicide and self harm threats to control and manipulate his friends, hes begged me for assisted suicide and when i refused to help him commit he begged in groupchats. He begged on instagram stories as well as twitter, so much so that his twitter for suspended for 12 hours. He has admitted to wanting someone to commit suicide with him and has previously formed suicide pacts and nearly followed through on one with a friend. fang backed out first. he continues to redirect blame. refusing to take accountability for his actions. He still blames his previous medications, his ex psychiatrist, his self diagnosed BPD & OCD, psychosis, and states of beings from disorders he doesn't have (claiming to be manic or sociopathic whilst not having bipolar1 or ASPD) fang blames his (ex)friends, claiming they were projecting their mental illness onto him when they were just reacting to his abuse, that they the ones in the wrong and that how they treated him/cut him off was vile and unfair, and believes that he never got real closure when he did. it just wasn't what he wanted to hear and now feels entitled to an apology from these people when all he’s ever done is traumatize and terrorize them. He describes the amount in which he has cut over pavi, wart and kat because what they put him through and how they traumatized him. The traumatizing actions were: Kat asking for a content warning, pavi didn't want to walk on eggshells anymore and blocked him without an explanation & wart blocked him after being emotionally abused for months Hes described how he would carve their names into his thigh and told me that he will carve my name into his skin when i leave too. He demanded wart and surf choose their “real friends” and cut off their community for him because fang hated that they were being “two-faced” and hanging out with “people who hate him” He would spend hours venting relentlessly and graphically in his friends DMs, demanding their time and attention and expecting immediate replies. His friends are not professionals and shouldnt be expected to be an on-call DIY therapist for him, for hours, without consent. Fang has said he is completely unwilling to self censor for other peoples safety fang has vented to a 13 year old (they were not hiding their age) He referred to me (and our friends) as a phone person, a voice, icons. Concepts he can talk. Completely dehumanizing everyone that cared about him even to their faces. He blames his ex friends for his poor mental health and has said he wishes they watched him commit suicide, he wanted his friends to be traumatized from this (as if they werent already.) When a friend posted a screenshot of a gamenight to tumblr he had a breakdown so severe and so dangerous for so long that several of his friends has to mute the DM to keep themselves safe from his verbal abuse and suicide/SH threats He doesn't care about how triggering any of this can be for someone and will subject anyone (including people in danger) to his “venting” He didnt care about triggering me and contacted me at the worst of my suicidality in january and exasperated the danger i was in so severely I had to be hospitalized against my will before I could commit suicide. 

Im honestly not entirely sure what to even think. he knew the severity of my suicidality. he knew I had been hospitalized for an attempt in 2022, and still he chose me, probably the most vulnerable of his friends at the time to vent that heavily too back in janurary Hes a dangerous selfish person whos proven over and over that hes not getting better and isnt willing to change, i honestly had hope when he slowed down his graphic vent posts and victim blaming on twitter and insta but he decided to say fuck all and get right back into his shit train of shame and misery. Heres a link to all of the screenshot, damning ones are in important bitz if you’re not interested in going through them all https://drive.google.com/drive/u/2/folders/1MLMOT-qvgrX-9NnUEgpl4AkEPfixy2wG in these screens alone he: admits to sending his cuts to his friends, threatens to cut if i leave, admits that he was going to go through with a duel suicide and begged me for assisted suicide

warts screenshots v

full screenshots & complete context in the drive as for him claims that i was stalking him: i was scared, i was his friend. i tried so hard to be good enough and never was. the screens were a by product of confiding in my friends about what was happening and the drive was made to share w/ them i admit i prolly shouldve combed out some of it but, ykno also big phat apology for tagging cotl!!!!! only did bc fang has, please stay safe everyone, and thank you so much if you have read everything (the doc encase anyone was wanting it ! figured i;d just use tumblr regular posting method) https://docs.google.com/document/d/17QjXUEdQVd8c4GZS--vPo-xR3kgmoLl4ZmN3ROMutg0/edit?usp=sharing

edit as of 8:30pm 7/17/24 here is a link to pavi's response warts response and kats response

[lackadaisycats]

Sooo. Long-time casual follower of different Lackadaisycats accounts, throughout DA, Tumblr, etc. And, I'd only ever done a spattering of reading in the mid '16s when the comic really caught my attention. I ironically read more of the bonus material than the actual pages. I fell off it while working on my own projects [y'know how it goes], but tonight after watching the pilot a while ago, decided to finally sit and read all of the archive. And. Holy shit. I know 1 ask won't do it justice, but the amount of love and work and time you've put into this is frankly astonishing. The author's notes show but a fettered glimpse into how much time and research has gone into your craft. And as other have noted, the improvement in art quality and skills over time is, without hyperbole, breathtaking. You've not finished the comic, but have already accomplished more in its run than most hope to do. And, frankly, it's inspiring. I know you've heard that dozens of times, but I'm saying it again, because I know the unique, special kind of 'torment' that comes with working on a project like this. Carrying it on your back, putting it out there in hopes that, despite your love for it being all it needs to exist, others will like and enjoy it too. Pushing through those times where you wonder 'is it worth it'. Going so far as to even make a WONDERFUL animated pilot off of it and bring it to life in yet ANOTHER fantastic way. You've created something special, which you show your love for in so many ways, and you've inspired countless people through your craft, your dedication, and just generally being an awesome person to the communities around you. I still reference multiplicities of your drawing tip guides, the Rocky pancakes comic lives in my head rent free along with SO many of your expressions, and your evolution of color and form and lighting in the comic left me with no choice but to download several pages just to gawk at and reference later for studies. Your work has shown me that, so long as I keep at something, it can turn into something beyond what I could have fathomed at the beginning. For everything you've done since the 2000's, and for everything you continue to do in the future, I genuinely wish you the best of luck, health, and that creation always comes as easily to you as it can.

Best regards,

-VT

Thank you so much - both for the kind thoughts and comments, and the wonderful Mordecai artwork here.

It does get very difficult at times to keep moving forward with long term projects, trudging through the self-doubt and trying to navigate life's curveball upheavals. It's been the source of so many good things in my life too, though, and comments like yours really drive home how worthwhile it's been to stick with it. ❤

[cyren-myadd]

Avatar official account posted their screenplay of the Sullys arrived at the Metkayina clan on their TikTok. This part here caught my eye. Neytiri has a secret shame that her kids are half half-human.

What's your thoughts?

oh man, I have some really mixed feelings about this ngl...

First thing I want to say before I get into my rant is remember that not everything in the old script is canon, so Neytiri feeling ashamed of her children isn't canon as of right now, but there's a possibility this will be confirmed in a later movie.

A little self-disclosure, I'm engaged to a guy who is from a different race and culture than me, and I'd like to have a kid with him at some point. My partner and I have discussed the fact that our kids would be mixed, and we've already made plans to teach them both of our native languages and make sure they're exposed to both of our cultures. Even though my kids will be different from me in some ways, I don't care, I'll still love them no matter what and I can't imagine ever being ashamed of their differences-- especially since I was the one who chose to have children with a man who was a different race/culture.

While Avatar is completely fictional, the romance between Jake and Neytiri is a clear allegory for a real-life mixed-race couple, with their children's "hybrid" traits being an allegory for real-life mixed-race children feeling insecure about their features. Obviously, not everything is a one-to-one allegory, since Neytiri has been directly and violently victimized by Jake's people and most modern mixed-race couples in my country deal with more systemic forms of oppression instead, but the allegory is still there.

To be completely honest, if the writers actually follow through with this line from the script and show Neytiri being ashamed of her children on-screen, I might actually start to hate Neytiri. Her other character flaws, like her chauvinism, her resistance to change, and her hypocrisy about Jake vs Spider, are completely understandable, especially since she's been through unbelievable amounts of trauma because of humans. I still like Neytiri a lot even with her flaws. But being ashamed her own kids? The kids she chose to birth/adopt, knowing they were hybrids? These two babies right here?

I am really, really trying to be understanding here, 'cause Neytiri's been through trauma that I could never imagine, but still... ma'am those are YOUR babies. I don't think any kind of trauma justifies being ashamed of your children for something they have no control over.

Whenever I see that screenshot, all I can imagine is Kiri or Lo'ak finding out their mom feels ashamed of them. Could you imagine? They would be absolutely crushed. I think Lo'ak especially would have some kind of a crisis over it, since he's already so insecure about being a hybrid. Even Miles freaking Quaritch, the vengeful colonizing monster, isn't ashamed of his son being so different from him.

For the record, I know the only reason I feel so strongly about this is because I'm projecting my own feelings about being in a mixed-race relationship and planning to have mixed-race kids onto Neytiri. But I feel the way I feel, and if this ever becomes canon I would never be able to look at her the same way, so I'm hoping this idea stays in the old script and never sees the light of day again.

No matter what happens, this is James Cameron's story, and I trust him to deliver a fantastic movie even if I don't like everything about it. Besides, this is only one line. It doesn't go in-depth into the nuances of Neytiri's feelings. Maybe if they choose to go with this concept and flesh it out better, I'll change my mind about it, who knows.

I'm also gonna add this here, cause I know how tumblr is: these are just my personal feelings on the topic-- my personal feelings that are completely subjective and are greatly effected by my own life experiences. I know some people like this idea and think it would be a great thing to explore for Neytiri's character, and if you think that, then great, good for you, no hate to anyone with a different opinion.

[wachtelspinat]

Hey ! I’ve been seeing your art going around since your midnight crew stuff and I just recently stubble across your tumblr, thank to your beautiful overwatch art for our beloveds junkers ! I’ve been scrolling through your account and read about your experience of being a former graphic designer who is a doctor now. And damn. I can’t emphasize how much I admire you, especially as someone who is struggling really hard to choose between 2 careers paths ( with one of them being art related ). This is why I was wondering if you would be open to talk about how and why you switched from art to medecine ? Especially because most of the time I feel it happens more the other way around ? ( If it’s too personal just ignore this ask + sorry if you already talked about it before )

hey ! no worries, i don't expect ppl to scroll through my tumblr to find an answer for a question they might have. first of all thanks for your nice words, means a lot <3

i switched from art to medicine because my early 20-something-self was even more anxiety-ridden than my present-self, and being in art school and having to "perform" regularly was a nightmare. i'm talking about a time in which i was so scared of being perceived that i often skipped grocery shopping, just so i could avoid being around people. so like, pitching art related projects to peers and profs was eeh... especially because art is so personal oh my god. i still hate it when someone tries to sneak a peek while i'm drawing, makes me wanna throw my sketchbook and myself off the bridge. anyways so i always felt a 110% inadequate (plus i got a gf during that time who was so good to me and tried to get me out of my funk on multiple occasions (she was and still is an artist and has now a career as a freelancer and i'm rly proud of her) but i couldn't see that because i just compared the two of us all the time and sabotaged any attempt she made for having fun with drawing with her) that i sat down at some point and asked myself if i could do this any longer, and i came to the conclusion that no, it really kills me rn.

what made me go into the health sector? i don't even know anymore, i think it was a mixture of "i loved biology, esp. the human body in school" and "my mum is an icu nurse and talks a lot about hospitals, maybe i should check it out"... it was not a well thought through decision, which is so funny because studying medicine was a hell of a meatgrinder ride (also my anxiety and self hatred? still there, but now i wasn't judged anymore because of my art but instead being called a dumb idiot collectively with all the other students because nobody likes med students) and for some reason i was able to get through that despite it not being my passion at all, but i couldn't stand up for myself in art school. i don't even know if i could work through it nowadays, but the good thing is i don't have to ask myself this question anymore, because being a doctor pays the bills, and ever since i left art school i was able to just draw without consequence. which is nice to a degree, my artistic output is not tied to the means of generating money. on the other hand... idk, in another life with more confidence and less worries, i'd love to be some sort of character designer T_T

so yeah that's basically it. at some times i cherished my career decisions, at other times i regretted them deeply, worst thing is i know it has a lot to do with personality, but the fact that we can't change who we are with a blink of an eye gives me the framework to think that the path i took was ok. as in. things happened for a reason and maybe i'm just not cut out for that kind of work. you have to be aware of the conditions of a job to decide if you are up for it. because being an artist doesn't end with "just draw". i myself had an unrealistic view of the job back then too. and the fact that i could not seperate between personal aspects and "doing a job here" was crucial.

yeah, idk if this is helpful at all. i think the one thing that is super important here is to have a realistic view on the conditions of work you are about to head into, and i know this is mostly very difficult to aquire. because unless you really work in a sector there is often no way to fully grasp the situations you can find yourself in (this applied for me also in the health sector, which made me fall into a depression a year ago, but what do you do after you spent 6 years of studying :') ). doing internships and just trying to get to know a lot of things really helps. and - idk how old you are, but if you're really young: it's ok to switch careers at some point. it's even ok to do so when you are older (trying to end on a positive note here because it feels like i just said a lot of depressing things... like don't get me wrong i like my job, the conditions are just fucked up, and again my personality prevents me from switching again but it's also not that easy in germany, BUT it's a valid thing to do, being versatile is good! just... make sure you don't end up with a job that you absolutely hate because that kills it all)

[bills-pokedex]

To whom it may concern (Bebe and Cassius):

I'm sure we'll all well aware of the current event surrounding a certain Unovan(?) entrepreneur who stylizes himself as a genius. It is therefore unnecessary to show me news about his latest "innovative endeavors" for the express purpose of "watching [me], an inventor, age about ten years every time."

So to get it out of the way for the thirteenth and hopefully final time:

Yes, I'm aware.

No, I don't know how he got a stainless steel tank, a rocket cobbled together from spare parts, a self-driving car that occasionally ignites into a ball of flames while trapping its driver in thanks to multiple design flaws, or the brain chip past an ethics committee.

Yes, I am "salty" that I made one mistake with one of my inventions, and now I'm constantly scrutinized by the Pokémon Cutting-Edge Technology Research Institute's ethics committee.

No, I do not want the brain chip.

Yes, I want to study the brain chip.

The fifth point is out of morbid curiosity as to how it got past an ethics committee, not respect.

Hopefully, this clears things up.

Best, Bill

-

{From the Mun:

I found this in the drafts, and I thought it would be hilarious to bring this out and tack on an update post while I'm at it.

But the biggest thing is, I'm . . . actually leaving Tumblr. Now, the main reason for that is my main got super borked up. I've been told by my followers over there it's not shadowbanning, but I'm pretty sure it's random-ass shadowbanning. I cannot receive asks, I can't tag people, I don't have DMs, and I don't show up in notes. As for why, I can't fathom. For the most part, I've kept my nose pretty clean on that account, other than that one time somebody in the writeblr community kinda lost it and tried to use a bunch of random people as a scapegoat for drama reasons. Yeah, idk.

Anyway, the point is, I've submitted a ticket a few months ago and then . . . never heard back. And honestly, for personal reasons, I'm not really inclined on remaking.

Personal reasons being I'm gunning for writing an actual book, as you might know from my last-ish post? Like, non-Pokémon book. Though I'll admit some bits might be familiar to those of you who've hung around the blog for a while. Here's a hint: take powerverse, gender swap it, role swap it, and then stick it into FFXIV and add more steampunk. It's been cooking for the past year you haven't seen me, and I'm aiming to start pitching it to agents by the end of the year. If you'd like to follow along, if you're also a writer who would like to make more writing friends, or if you just like my writing for some reason and want to keep up with me, you can find me at jaxwolffwrites on both Bluesky and Twitter. Bsky moreso, but you'll get progress on this project on either of those other platforms.

Now, I will say this: just to be fair, I'm doing three things:

Closing the askbox. Admittedly, if you've been sending me asks for the past three months, I haven't seen them anyway. Sooooo I probably should've done that ages ago. Sorry about that.

Answering any ask I've saved to the drafts. Any ask. Please note that I don't know if the borking I've described above extends to this blog as well, so Bill won't be replying to replies or reblogs/tags. Apologies for that in advance. There are 49 posts in the drafts, and these will come out fairly slowly as I continue to keep up with my writing schedule on the other project.

Leaving this blog up as an archive. Assuming Tumblr doesn't nuke the main and the backup account that was created in an effort to avoid total nuking, and assuming Tumblr doesn't nuke this blog itself, I really want to leave this up so you can enjoy this pretty much forever onward. You all are the reason why this blog has gone on for so long, and I want to preserve this blog as a thank you for following me for so long.

So yes, after I clear the drafts, you'll likely see one last farewell from Bill and Lanette, and then that will be that. To everyone who's followed, thank you so much for following and supporting this blog over the years. As many ups and downs as running this had, I still look back on every moment as one fun adventure.

So thank you, and take care.}

[unearthlore]

🖤 I'm Lord Torlure/Tax • adult • 🗣️🇲🇾🇺🇸🇫🇷 • God of Boundless Love and Deathly Emptiness • empath, superfeeler 🖤

Brain is dead, please don't take it personally if this account (accidentally?) gave you a 'weird' like/follow/whatever

Commission form • Digital art TOS • YouTube

✅ DM-chat regularly to be friends! And be explicit with your intentions, or I'm going to be confused. "I read your pinned, and I was hoping we could be friends!"

I'm begging for dorkiness, I fell in friendship with the guy who spammed me 50 pics without warning of his day at an anime con

✅ Tell me about your projects! Just ask for validation! Yes, you can remind me more than once simply because I'm

ℹ️ You have to come to me because the Tumblr wilderness is an atomic bomb on my mental health

🗞️ Archive: @/unearthlore (📍You are here)

🌉 Urban fantasy comic: @mihinisland

🐉 TF2 OC relationship anarchy: @monsterlore

☁️ Thoughtdumps: @taxlecrivain

👁️ Divinecore comic: @thetorlurecult

📺 Multifandom: @magnetengineer

Have a great day; you always deserve self-love; may you always be safe from Fearmongers, Guilters, Shamers and Baiters (FGSB)!

🏠 This house has always been anti-abuse and has always thought before speaking so as to not be FGSB!

👁️🖤 Lord Torlure Loves 🖤👁️

👁️🖤 Lord Torlure Loves 🖤👁️

👁️🖤 Lord Torlure Loves 🖤👁️

👁️🖤 Lord Torlure Loves 🖤👁️

[biolizardboils]

Hey again.

I was saving this for when I'd wrapped some other stuff up, but it's taking too long. I'm just gonna say it while the words are fresh in my head.

The two-month break I've been on? I think I'm gonna stay on it. As in, stay logged off except on special occasions.

There's still things I want to finish here. I will answer what's left at @ask-the-all-consuming-void and bring it to a proper ending; The Secret Thing it was gonna segue into will go up, even if only as sketches and drafts; And there's another project I'm still helping with behind the scenes. But aside from those… I want to maintain my internet presence a lot less.

I've learned a lot about myself since I left: most importantly the hyper-empathy, compassion fatigue thing, and that being terminally online probably does more harm than help. There's trying to be a good, vigilant person, and then there's overwhelming oneself about things they can't control, with info that isn't always accurate. I've been doing the latter in different ways for years; late April/early May was a big wake-up call. Lesson learned: I've got to find balance, and I won't find it here.

The second-most important thing I learned is that… the reason I "joined" the internet in the first place? It's pretty much been fulfilled. Has been for a few years now, actually.

I made this tumblr in 2015, but I got my real start on deviantART and WordPress in 2011. Don't expect links; what people post in their preteens can stay between them and God lol. But I'll tell you what got me to make accounts: my confusion as a new Sonic fan. The way people talked about them, the way they talked to each other… it hurt to see.

I got it in my preteen head to set a better example. To not let my love for something become disdain for others of its kind. To explain instead of assume. And to assure anyone who'd listen that it's not shameful to like Sonic, that those who do deserve better, and that they could still have it better someday.

And now, 13 years later… we do. The hurtful stuff I saw back then is nearly gone now. When it does pop up, it's easier to counteract than ever. People realize how silly and petty and wrong it was, and can call it out accordingly. People can live a little truer to themselves, now that that shit isn't everywhere anymore.

I think that, specifically, is all I really wanted. Everything else—the reinvigoration of the characters and their world, the downpour in avenues once closed off by "cringe" and "not enough interest"—have been wonderful byproducts. I've been gassing up Sonic Movie 3 as the final step, but it's really more of a victory lap.

After realizing that, I just… don't feel the need to post so much here anymore. My self-worth and sense of morality shouldn't rely on what I do or don't type. I don't need to document every thought or choice I make and why.

The cause I've performed for since middle school no longer needs my time and energy, if it ever even did. I can just enjoy things in relative silence, and spend myself in other ways. Ways I've taken too long to get around.

Sonic Unleashed is what set me down this path. I watched it go from rejected at launch, to just divisive, to respected and beloved. I still wonder if, had it gotten a fairer chance, the current Sonic renaissance could've happened sooner.

But dwelling on that won't change anything. I'd rather dwell on how, this year, I got to scream Endless Possibility with hundreds of other people, loudly and proudly. No fear of who's watching, no need to self-sabotage. It meant the world to me.

There was a con in my area on June 23rd. I wasn't planning on doing anything that day until I heard about it. There was someone in attendance who helped me put a symbolic bow on this part of my life.

I think he did a wonderful job :)

I have one last thing to say before I go. That'll be its own post, so I can put it in the public Sonic tags.

Again, the stuff I've left hanging here will get finished eventually. But for now, this is goodbye.

Moots, followers: thank you so much. I will quite literally remember you all in therapy.

--BiolizardBoils

[queers-gambit]

Hello,I wanted to say I admire your work and hope you continue with your wonderful stories.

I would like advice as a new fic writer myself. How long did it take before your work got noticed. Did/do you have any doubts? I know I have. TYSM for the fics -🍋‍🟩

hey, poppet. thank you for popping in, it's so very kind of you! more advice? fuck yeah, 50 points to Slytherin!

this got a little longer than i anticipated.

new fic writer, huh? so... you're, like, the new sheriff in these here parts? well, i only got ONE thing to say to the likes of you...

that's exciting! welcome! this town is big enough for all of us!

let's jump in -

soooo i've been reading fanficition since i was a kid, right? it's a comfort, it made sense in my brain, and it was something so deeply personal, i never shared it with anyone - friends or family. so this was always very niche to me.

being said, i've been an author most of my life. i've been legitimately published a few times - first when i was about 9/10 and last around 5ish years ago. no, not professionally, i didn't make a cent on those publications. so, i've been in the game for a while - BUT i didn't start PUBLISHING my fanfictions until the past, say, 3ish years?

now, look: technically, i started writing fanfics when i was first hospitalized in my early teens, using a pen and notebook because i was poor and couldn't afford a laptop (no shame, pen and paper are underrated). night shift came every 3 hours for vitals, so, i didn't get a whole lot of sleep - but i was able to write. a lot. it distracted me, it comforted me, and it was 100% mine which meant i never had to show or explain to anyone what i was doing.

i say this to try to illustrate, i didn't just walk on the scene as a writer and BOOM! got all this recognition. i started writing for myself, nobody else.

the thing to remember is that you're not writing for instant gratification - and if you are, you're setting yourself up for failure because it's going to feel stressful and "not worth" because your fics aren't getting hundreds of likes. don't let your self-worth be decided by numbers: height, weight, money in your bank account, fanfiction notes...

however, being said, i fucking get it. first thing i published was HC's about dating Eddie Munson because i had read so many and felt a couple ideas were missed or overlooked, so, i just had this compulsion to write. then, it was this thought of, "well, if i had this idea, maybe other people have, too, or at the very least, might like to read it." so i sat on the front step of my house, overtagged my HC's, and hit publish. it garnered a couple hundred likes within a few hours, then every time i opened Tumblr, there was 99+ notifications. i felt like my soul lifted, realizing, "hey... maybe i could write some more? i have a few other ideas and it feels SO good to be recognized. validate me, internet strangers!"

so, i weaponized my mania and published some more.

but i still struggle with this on occasion. yes, most of the times, my fics warrant X numbers of likes, but i find myself disappointed in the amount of written responses - like comments or messaged praise. i see other authors having full on debates, conversations, theory projections, and being inundated with messages; and think "damn, maybe i'm really not that great since nobody comes around to express their impression; to feed me compliments!" but you see what that is, right?

it's Imposter Syndrome. none of this shit actually matters.

your writing is GOOD whether at 2, 20, 200, 2k notes and the only person who can bestow this title or confidence is yourself. you're the architect, the driver, the artist - so stand by your writing. stand on business. then nothing can touch or phase you; you'll become your own worst enemy and most supportive critic.

nobody's opinion matters if YOU have pride in YOURSELF.

got it? great. now -

here's my advice:

🍒 learn to tag. -> tag your fic appropriately by Muse, fandom, pairing. -> the more tags, the wider the audience it'll reach. -> if i want to read Aemond Targaryen, that's the tag i go to. if i want Daemon, that's the tag i go to. Readers do not want to scroll through Daemon fics on the Aemond tag - so learn to do it properly. -> it's respectful, you know? and it def helps picking up a few followers because they peep you respect the rules.

🍒 practice summary writing. -> give Readers just enough to hook them. -> i recommend just giving the basics so Readers can decide if your fic has the general gist of what they're interested in reading. i like alluding to plot twists in summaries because it piques Reader interest. -> i personally do not read fics that have no summary. i want to know what i'm jumping into, if this is worth my time to read, if it'll satisfy whatever craving i have. -> you can use a trick i learned in a journalism class where newspaper headlines have to be a single sentence that essentially answer "who, what, when, where, why?"

again, tag your fics properly because if i'm looking for angst (in the angst tag) and the summary alludes to something more fluffy, i can move on.

🍒 sharpen your diction and syntax skills. -> diction is your word choice and syntax is sentence structure. so play around with what sounds most natural in your head. -> what words would your Muse actually use? how would they say it? do they use flowery language (like TROP Elrond) or are they gruffer (like ST Billy Hargrove)? -> diction gives stories personalities. i said what i said.

🍒 give "enough" detail in your introduction. -> this is your fic's elevator pitch. -> i like listing: what's the summary, who's the Muse, what fandom, word count, any author notes, and content warnings. it gives your audience an idea of what you're about; like dipping a toe in water instead of diving in. -> a very frustrating feeling trying to read something that you have no genuine interest in but you don't know until you get X% of the way through it. -> again, i can't speak for others, but i won't entertain fics that don't have introductions - or at the very least, summaries.

🍒 get comfortable with your own humility. -> not every fic is going to be a hit. own that. accept that. -> do not gaslight yourself into thinking just because a fic has less notes (or kudos, whatever) it's lesser-than writing.

example: i was SO excited to publish Don't You (Forget About Me) because i thought it was so good. like, arguably some of my better work, but it didn't do well with Readers. it was disheartening but also humbling because while the fic picked up traction, i remind myself that i'm still a fanfic reader at heart and so long as i like it, who cares how many notes it has?

🍒 if you have a story, write that shit. -> don't be discouraged, "oh, nobody is gonna read this, nobody wants this," because who cares about that? you have a story to tell, so write that shit! tell your story! i promise there are people out there that will entertain it!

🍒 praise yourself because if you wait for strangers on the internet to do it, you're not always going to get the response you WANT.

🍒 be kind. -> to yourself. -> to others. -> to me... please 😂

i gave another anon some advice a bit back, you can check that out here if you'd like!

i hope this helps even a little. i encourage everyone to write, no matter what the driving factor. have fun with it, challenge yourself, practice practice practice.

come back anytime, poppet, and when you publish (or not, whatever), send it my way - i'd love to give your work a read! all my very best! i hope writing can do for you what it's done for me.

all my love 🖤

[ink-flavored]

Slow-Down Announcement

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for your patience during my break, my move, and through the holidays. It means a lot that you’d all be so generous as to keep paying me while you wait. In general, your continued support is incredibly important to me. And as much as I appreciate it, I will have to ask you for a bit more patience.

Ko-Fi was an experiment I started to see if it was practical for me. I was excited about the response my AUgust 2022 prompts had gotten, and I wanted to see how my audience would respond to access to more of my writing and more of my process. I was also curious to see if I could use Ko-Fi to grow my audience, or supplement my writing career. Building a brand online is difficult, but I couldn’t let an opportunity like this slip by me.

After about 15 months, I can say I’ve had a lot of fun on Ko-Fi. I love Magnet Mondays, I like sharing what happens behind-the-scenes, and giving you all sneak peaks of what’s to come. Like I said, I’m forever grateful you thought my art to be worth paying monthly for in the first place, it’s not something I ever dreamed people would do for me. Unfortunately, posting on Ko-Fi as regularly as I wanted has become impractical for my schedule and mental health.

Keeping up with the rate of posting I promised—weekly, biweekly, and monthly, over my various categories—isn’t sustainable in my current environment. If I had the opportunity to do nothing but write for 8-hours a day, 5-days a week, it would be easy! I would have plenty of time to share my writing with you, continue my personal projects, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Sadly, my writing schedule is not so generous. My full-time office job cuts into my creative time a lot, and stacking the self-imposed obligations of my Ko-Fi schedule on top of that means that I’m “at work” a lot more than I otherwise would be.

Long story short, I’m getting fatigued trying to keep pace with Ko-Fi updates. I’m going to be slowing down my activity here, and prioritize what I can do without burning myself out. I have a flexible plan that I’ve been developing, so you know where you can find me outside of Ko-Fi if you’d still like to follow my work elsewhere.

Keep Reading below here or on Ko-Fi

First, Magnet Mondays are sticking around, but this time for free. Polls are easier than counting comments, so I’ll be hosting the weekly vote and the poems on my ink-flavored Tumblr account. I really don’t want to give up doing Magnet Mondays, since it was a lot of fun for me (and for you all too, I hope). The first poll will go up this Sunday (January 7th) and the first poem will go up the next Monday (January 15th), so I hope I’ll see you all on Tumblr! I’ll still post the final poems here on Ko-Fi for organization's sake.

Second, one of my goals for 2024 is to be more active on my new Neocities website. The freedom of having my own writing website where I can post whatever I want without the need to be overly professional like a portfolio, and no risk of getting my content reported like on social media, means that I can share a lot more of what I write. Please do check it out, and feel free to sign the guestbook while you’re there!

More generally, I want to migrate some of the Typewriter-tier behind-the-scenes posts to Tumblr and Neocities, so more people can see what goes on under the hood when I write. I don’t have imminent plans to share the exclusive content on Saturdays anywhere else—save for things like AUgust, which are already all free—but I won’t write it off.

Finally, as for the fate of this Ko-Fi account, I’ll be reworking the tiers a bit. Magnet Mondays will be free, so it can’t be a perk, and my plan is to post behind-the-scenes or exclusives sporadically, whenever I feel like I have something to share. I’ll keep the BTS to Wednesdays and the exclusives to Saturdays, but that will be the only consistency in scheduling. Nothing from the Manuscript tier needs to change, since I don’t plan on halting commissions.

Thank you all for being so understanding, and for being so generous this past year and a bit. I’m happy I even had the opportunity to try this out, and it would have been over before it started if I didn’t have people like you.

[pine-niidles]

2024 August Monthly Updates

It's a very text heavy update this month, I'm... working on getting back into the habit of regular art. My art muscles have grown stiff and it's slow going training them back up. It is going though - I've even been doing some sketching in my physical sketchbook this week.

Doodling fish makes for a good warm-up

Website/Blog

I've been wanting to set up a proper art blog for a while. Social media has always been hard for me to keep up with, I've never really had fun posting art online ever since deviantart stopped being good. Figuring out what, when, how to post & keeping up with constant changes... it's been said a million times so I won't get into it, and at the end of the day even if it's frustrating it's still worth it for the connections I make and the art I get to see because of it. Still, I don't want to rely on social media to be the only place where my art lives (it's a sad thought!). That's why I've been compiling art pdfs, it's why I've been looking into physical print making, it's why I started these monthly updates in the first place.

So if you're reading this on my new blog welcome! (if not - it's here) I'm planning to eventually move to hosting it myself but so the moment I'm relying on wordpress, I apologize for the banners. I'm still deciding how I want to do monthly updates from now on - I'll be posting all of them on the new blog for sure but I'm still undecided if I want to continue to cross post them on tumblr & kofi. I have a poll just for that running right now if you have an opinion (or if you don't - it's a nice motivator just to see that people are actually reading these).

Other than monthly updates I'll be posting process breakdowns on here, and more in depth looks at individual projects at various stages of their process. Maybe doing some features (or even reviews?) of other artists/projects. We'll see how it goes! I won't be cross-posting those, thought I'll probably post links to them when I write them (you can also sign up to the email newsletter for this blog at the bottom of the page - though you'll have to make a wordpress account). I know a lot of people use patreon for this kind of thing but I like the freedom of not having an expectation of consistency (or quality).

Fanzines

I've started taking part in fanzines again, there's a couple in particular I'm very excited for! Not much more to say on that topic as I'm not allowed to announce my participation yet but that's something I've been working on this month.

All in Good Time

I've done very little (read:none) art for my own projects this month, but I have done some writing for a couple I've yet to introduce publicly.

The first is a short (12-16 page) self-contained comic featuring a friend of mine and my ocs. I've written a rough script for it and will be working on character designs and art for it when I have a little more free time :)

They Say There is a Monster in These Woods

The second project I was doing writing for is much longer term - I've been toying around with the idea of doing a solo visual novel for some time now and I finally came up with a story idea for one.

The game starts with you in the woods, injured. You stumble across a clear where a lone manor stands and collapse in front of it. When you come to the Lady of the manor greets you, and invites you to stay as her guest for some time while you recover from your injuries and to attend her birthday celebrations in two weeks. You spend this time in the manor getting to know the inhabitants, maybe finding the sparks of romance with one among them, and maybe even figuring out the source of the mysterious rumors that there is a monster in the woods...

\o/ I hope that intro sounds fun to you! I'm certainly excited about it. This will be more of a long term project - both in the fact that it'll be a lot of work to make and because I have other game projects I want to prioritize first, some collab work and some of my own games that are only a couple steps away from completion (Don't Wake the Sleeping Dragon I've not forgotten about you...)

--

And that's all for August! I'm looking forward to Summer ending and the start of Fall, maybe I can do some plein air watercolors of the leaves changing color when that time comes :)

[dropthedemiurge]

2023 Year Results

I have lost my ranking of favorite Thai BL/QLs that I made during half of the year, so I'm just going to write it anew^^

My Top BLs by the end of 2023:

1. Be My Favorite

2. Moonlight Chicken

3. Not Me

4. The Eclipse

5. Semantic Error (or if we talk only Thai series, then Bad Buddy!)

Honorable mentions: Only Friends, SOTUS, Laws of Attraction, Kieta Hatsukoi, My Ride...

I keep changing the places and Moonlight Chicken held such a strong place in my heart but now I'm also taking into account whether I liked all pairings and characters, so BMF finally took over. But I still can't decide whether The Eclipse is higher than Not Me, I might rewatch it endlessly but Not Me was a cultural reset :D As well as Semantic Error who's done so good and finally broke through the typical Korean BL setting and public's favor.

Bad Buddy has done amazingly as well but there are only 5 places in Top 5 ranking 🥲 I guess, the Our Skyy just dimmed my good memories about it a little bit x)

I love how this year we got shows that have expanded beyond the borders of usual BLs, they added mystery and mystic, action, time travelling, sitcom etc, mixed gentes, kept speaking out about many important things - from marriage legalisation to equal rights - that definitely had its own impact on real life, actors went on many fanmeetings overseas, from West to East, and overall... This was a good year, story and fandom wise.

My Fanfic Statistics

I stopped writing metas and somewhat distanced myself from the fandom when I felt that my views often didn't align with majority (and also got shadowbanned by tumblr?), but I wrote ~ 80k words on AO3 and drew >10-15 arts that I really enjoyed. I still have many wips so look forward to them!

I wrote way too many Only Friends fics whole I watched the show xD This was definitely a show that gave out ideas (and sometimes outrage) and lots of angst.

But Not Me fics are still my number one (though mostly because of all the crossovers with other series I keep writing about)

Also somehow Bad Buddy OT4 fic is now the longest fanfic I've ever written (both in Neglish and my native language). And it's still not finished but tbh even I don't know exactly how it will end, that's how self-indulgent this is but I'm so happy rhat many people were excited about this idea with me!

My Fandom

I also had a blast having various discussions in my own small community and people who wanted to share opinions and watch series together. You guys keep inspiring and supporting me in exploring many ideas, drawing art and writing many fics, I truly admire and adore you all, especially my fam @springkitten @xagan and also @thepancakelady @wereflamingo (I'm surprised how often we agreed with each other on somethjng but that's what makes discussions interesting xD).

Also I want to hug bad buddy server was a joyful discover this year too that inspired me to start learning Thai, our not me server that keeps being my safe comfort space and many hugs to some tumblr folks who I talk in replies and reblogs (I am truly bad at remembering usernames but if I ever chatted with you here, I am definitely thinking about you and your profile picture <3)

Here's to 2024 and more projects

I also started my FirstKhao AU visual novel, and though I thought I would be able to make it in a month or two and then got struck by Health Doing Bad for a long time, I'm definitely determined to finish it next year.

And we keep talking about making Poetry Zines with @springkitten inspired by lakorns/bls we watched and I'd like to try and make it happen 👀

I also want to return to commissions in a better way, because of political situation I haven't been able to continue drawing for my foreign friends but thanks to my other friends who are generous to help me with handling finances for me, I might be able to start drawing requests again! I also spent like 5 months fixing my health that kept me from creating I want to finish old ones and I'm really itching to return to drawings and other projects :D

And I have in my mind mastering pixel and 3d art as a part of my Changing Profession and Career Path in 2024 so let's hope I can lighten up everyone's mood with cooler art and animations 👀

Happy New Year and Happy holidays, everyone!

[starburstfloat]

Opening Sequence Lyrics Analysis

I recently spiraled anew revisiting TXT's discography like an analytical madman (a real treat!), and wanted to spew my thoughts on minisode 2: Thursday's child into the void of tumblr because nothing brings me greater joy than deconstructing naive self-destructive protagonists who place themselves into a pit of despair. If that sounds like something you want to indulge in too then hey hey welcome for the ride!

When revisiting minisode 2, it was impossible to ignore the genius that is the first track, Opening Sequence, and so I'm dedicating an entire analysis post to just this song.

One of the reasons that Opening Sequence is phenomenal is because it establishes the tone for the rest of the album and sets the stage for the following songs (you could think of it, like I do, as a powerful opening chapter for a book).

The main reason why I am so impressed with this track is that we get to witness our narrator shift from a point of mere sorrow and despair to full on disillusionment and resentment. Classic unreliable narrator and a chef's kiss to deconstruct.

I've already talked extensively about unreliable narrators in past analysis posts but if you don't know, unreliable narrators provide a perspective to the story that isn't wholly accurate. This isn't necessarily an advertent choice. Perhaps the narrator does indeed think that they are telling a story truthfully, but often their anger, sorrow, or heightened emotional state reveals cracks in the narrative. Something is missing, and it's usually honesty.

What's really creative with Opening Sequence is the narrative structure of the song that highlights just how disillusioned our protagonist grows to become (txt villain era woot woot).

Let's break it down!

At the beginning, Soobin talks about a breakup and how he is caught up in that painful moment. He is looping this moment in his head like a never-ending sequence:

These opening lines are critical in establishing our protagonist's mindset. We see someone who is grappling with change, and with a heavy heart at that.

A scene like this typically evokes empathy, and indeed on first and second listen you do genuinely feel sad about his pain.

The narrator goes from cycling through the pain of his breakup to then entering the first chorus with a repetitive cry begging for a second chance:

It is here that the audience recognizes the first signs that this narrator may not be a reliable lens to see the story because he's a little unstable.

How can we tell? The repetition here is the giveaway.

Repetition is a rhetorical technique that acts as a hyperbolic device to accentuate feelings. He could have just said all of that one time, but saying painfully and stay for me several times adds an emphasis and undeniably centers the audience on the emotions captured in each line. In this case, we recognize a pleading tone - a boy facing rejection and attempting to negotiate.

It's hard to trust characters whose account of events are so intricately tied to their self esteem and self worth. Does he really want a second chance? Or is this now something personal that he needs to vent to an audience, unaware of how self pitying he actually looks?

As the song continues, we witness the narrator slowly losing his composure. Soobin's line in the chorus hints at this tonal shift:

You in the faded film, your gaze that erased me

Here he frames the ex-lover as the reason for his plight: you are the one who erased me . Moments before he was begging for another chance. It's classic manipulative ex material: projecting sadness and weakness into bitterness and resentment - anywhere to place the blame than acknowledging the reality and finality of the breakup.

The second half of the song carries over with the tonal shift when Beomgyu asks:

Why'd you laugh?

His voice is more assertive now, hurt and scathing. It's also at this point that we notice our protagonist is becoming more scattered and less focused. He mentions a calendar that's taking a step backwards and that it's "driving me crazy". Even our narrator recognizes he's sort of spiraling and yet he feels he cannot stop it. If this wasn't enough, we see Soobin contriving a narrative that his ex deceived him:

He's trying to make sense of his pain but in doing so he's simply creating a story that alludes to his ex-lover being at blame.

The song reaches an absolute highlight during Taehyun's bridge:

The transformation from hurt to disillusioned is complete here. Taehyun goes from being in pain to fully evolving that pain into anger and resentment and reaching an epiphany: fine, if you want me to be the bad guy in this situation, I'll be your bad guy. If it weren't clear enough just from the vocals, he emphasizes this point even more by repetitively saying blame on me.

We know he doesn't actually think he's done anything wrong. It's all rather caustic and bitter.

And the chef's kiss? The choreography here. Right as Taehyun starts to break out of his despair, the members collapse on the floor around him, scattering lifeless before curling in on themselves, seemingly in pain.

As Taehyun finishes his part, they lift themselves up like from the grave, reborn into a new persona. Might I add that even Yeonjun's closing "oh yeah" has a devious ring to it.

Our narrator has accepted his fate, that he cannot get his ex lover back, but he can destroy the previous version of himself to escape from reality a little longer. Sound familiar? Oh yeah, guess what the next track on the album is: Good Boy Gone Bad.

Do y'all see how insanely clever this narrative setup is? It flows with such ease throughout the album. And that was literally just me rambling about ONE SONG!! THERE'S SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT HERE IT DRIVES ME CRAZY anyway I hope any of this made sense and I'd appreciate any insights you all have from this album or this song!

[bard-like]

lads I just had a birthday and I don't know what the FUCK I'm doin

I mean I know what I'm doin but I don't know what I'm doin on so many accounts:

1 ) HEALTH. am I healthy? I've been eating less and smoking a Lot. I just got an elliptical so I'm trying to move more and get my lungs moving. I still have the daydream about smashing my bong into pieces and giving up smoking by force. I'm sick of the tightness in my chest, I'm sick of the overthinking, I'm sick of my brain feeling like it's in the washing machine.

2 ) HOME. I want to be happy at home. I want to bring my parents peace of mind. but I also want to live my Self. I want to help them but I can't help them. I need to feel like I can separate work from home. I want to get an office but it will max out my budget for longer than I want; and money might get tight soon.

3 ) SOCIAL MEDIA. Generally? To hell with it. But I wanna make it better. I wanna make it how I want to make it: my thoughts, my progress, sharing experience, and reaching out. NOT advertising. NOT trying to be popular. same ol Stupid thoughts turned Real for the sake of making other laugh or relate to those who feel similarly. making fun stories and sharing them. taking stupid ideas and making them stupider with friends. I don't need to be my perfect self. I don't need to be a specific way. I wanna be my stupid slot machine personality of a self and explode ten-thousand ways and let those who wanna stay, stay. tumblr's a place where our fixations wander, people come and go, and we customize our shit, I'm not worried so much about that. but the book? god I gotta clear out people I don't want to hear from, and be the chatterbox I love to be with the people who understand me, or at least want to hear from me. I just need it changed.

4 ) MUSIC. I'm sitting by an instrument I want to practice, and a brand new instrument for fun. They're hobbies that bring me a sort of silence, a concentration that puts the noise of thoughts to rest. I want to do more of it. I want to be On myself to play a little each day. to think about it each day. It's something I want to share, too. It's something I want to grow. I gotta choose them over my other vices.

5 ) ART. When it comes to making the New Game, there's a lot of experimentation. I have a Plan but I feel like I'm staring at the start line. I really really really want to share this experience with you all, and I need to get over my perform-y perfectionist-y ways and just hit the Live button and have at it whenever I want to make progress. But that too feels like it needs a better routine schedule?? I'm fighting against my work hours and my Garbage Attention Span Pace to see what schedule works best for me. Of all things I just wish people WANTED a specific way about it, this day that day these hours this objective blahblahblah. it feels like I need a manager for F u n . T wT

6 ) GAMES. Same for this, I play a lot of stuff and sneak in 15-40min rounds of stuff all the time. There are plenty times I'd rather be streaming, but sometimes I get self-conscious about my friends/work seeing my 'slacking' in this or that. So my favorite thing ever became this guilty pleasure- when not long ago I was pretty damn okay with NEETing the fuck up and playing with friends forever. I wanna get rid of this guilt, and have FUN when playing. And I just know I have a lot more fun when it's sharing the game.

----

my life is full of Things To Do. I'm just severely missing the time structure, and the timeplanning shit i'm trying to do aint cutting it. I want to fit all this in:

4-6 hours of Work [if assigned]

45min of Bass/Drums practice

60min of 3D modeling

2+ hours of project progress

some kinda exercise for an hour

and I know my dumbass will want to play a game in between those tasks. I haven't been able to get a day that yet. so far I've felt like I've been in Festivity month. There's so much I wanna do. and so much to move forward on.

but for the love of god someone get this schedule out of my hands

[ghost-proofbaby]

ghost!!! i am sobbing weeping crying omg twenty four hours is coming to an end and it is so very bittersweet. i found 24hrs on ao3 and stayed up until three am binging it, then immediately went and followed you on tumblr, and ive been keeping track of it ever since. im not very good a tumblr since i only started using the app for fanfic last october, and i am one of those people that sometimes is ashamed of being a fangirl, so it’s almost unbelievable to me that i have a space where no one will know it’s me and i can enjoy whatever i want. im still trying to adjust to that, tell myself that it’s okay to repost fanfics and that this is a safe space. but twenty four hours has helped me with a LOT of that. before i used to kinda be ashamed to go on tumblr, but now i scroll it daily bcs i didn’t want to miss any updates on the fic. i also made the plunge and officially got an ao3 account, after oh about, seven or eight years of reading fan fiction practically non stop. so im getting there, and i just wanted you to know that twenty four hours helped me to get there.

and i think the main reason that twenty four hours has helped me get there is because of the quality of your writing. you write beautifully, intricately, and most of all—truthfully. ive never read an x reader that has felt so real, so fleshed out and most of all, relatable. i would find myself having internal monologue as i read from the ‘reader’s’ perspective and then the next paragraph would, sometimes word for word, have ‘reader’ think what i was thinking. this fic was also so healing, in a way. the way you used literary devices to describe such complicated situations had me often feeling relieved—like i had just let something go. as someone with a lot of baggage right now and who has a hard time believing they could ever be loved, it was at the very least comforting to have my insecurities and my negative qualities forgiven and proven untrue through ‘reader’ if that makes sense.

ik this is sappy as hell but i genuinely feel this way. your writing has moved me in a way that actual published books haven’t done for me in a while. so i just want to thank you for the time, effort, and thought that went into this fic. and secondly, i want to suggest the idea of adapting this into a novel to be published or a screenplay for a movie, in case no one has mentioned that to you or you haven’t thought of it. i really believe you have something good here, and with your talent, i could see you being very successful. this story of these two people—who both have internal wounds inflicted on themselves, each other, or from the past—who then grow more self aware and choose to be honest, even when it’s hard, is such a rare thing to see in literature or any kind of art. and i think the world needs more of that. bcs, like i said, this fic was more than just a fic to me. it touched me deeply. i cried, i laughed, and i reflected my own self. in short, it was a journey in more ways than one.

so thank you—for your art, for ‘reader’, and for eddie. i can’t wait for the epilogue and to read whatever stories you may have planned for the future.

<3

(ps so sorry to have word vomited in your ask box.)

first and foremost — never apologize for word vomit in my ask box. i am always a-okay with that. 🖤

i don’t even know what to say. i have this terrible habit of putting a lot more of myself than i care to admit into both my readers and my ocs, and most of the time, it’s not the good parts. usually, it’s the absolute worst parts of myself. i take all the rot inside, and i throw it into these projections, and i try to justify how someone with those qualities would still be deserving of love. it’s always been a coping mechanism. always. and then i’ve always strived to be a better writer, make my words worth reading, because i know how much of myself i’ve put into it.

to know other people see themselves in reader or eddie or any character i write is both so strangely hopeful but also so saddening, and it just makes me want to give you the biggest hug 🫂

on the note of publishing, i have definitely considered it. it’s just a really scary journey to decide to take. but the day i do decide to take the plunge, whether with this story or any other i’ve written or any entirely new one, you all will be the first to know 🖤🖤🖤

thank you so so much for reading, for letting my writing touch your soul the way it has. i am so honored that this fic has had this type of affect on you. this message genuinely made me cry. i am sending you all the love. <3

[thefreakandthehair]

Do you ever get writer's burnout? 😔

I'm so stuck with my thesis for uni and fun writing projects.

I don't think I've felt it this strongly before either.

Probably because I'm also in the middle of grad apps but I want to finish my projects to get to the fun stuff.

My brain is gibberish.

Is there anything you do on a rough writing day?

Thanks for answering

hi anon! ugh, I'm so sorry you're feeling that. when I was in school, I had a similar rough patch. it felt like, I couldn't write the stuff I needed to write because my brain was mush, and then I couldn't write the stuff I wanted to write until I wrote the stuff I had to write. it was the worst cycle. and I've had lots of moments where I'm texting my friends wanting to scream because I can't get the story in my head out onto paper, so yep, definitely have had writer's burnout! put the rest under a read more because I got carried away. (what a surprise, said no one.)

for academic writing, I would tell a friend or someone that I was gonna spend [x] amount of time working on whatever project I was working on. for my thesis specifically, I set some kind of goal (page count, word count, or a section I wanted to finish) based on the deadline and had my friends hold me accountable. it was easier when I had someone else to answer to because my self-control was/is non-existent. I'd suggest time-blocking or using pomodoro videos on YouTube, but I know that doesn't work for everyone!

for fun writing, remember that it's okay to take your time and breathe. if you're feeling really burnt out, it's totally okay to take a short break and let that writing muscle heal so you don't burn out even worse! other than that, I find lots of inspiration in reading other works or those inspo/quote blogs to get my brain in that headspace (especially when switching between academic/fun stuff) and listening to moody writing playlists. writing in a different space than where you write for school helps too! even like, writing in bed versus writing at a desk. nowadays, I bounce creative ideas around with people here on tumblr (always open to that, for anyone reading!) and I commit to writing a few hundred words every day, even if I don't like what I come up with, just to keep the wheels from getting rusty.

oh! and when you have an idea, even if it's just a little line that doesn't fit in anything you're writing yet, or when you see something that could be inspiring, write it down immediately. note app in your phone, back of a receipt, voice memo, etc. I can't tell you how many ideas have gotten lost to the void because I thought oh, I'll remember this when I get home!