#self knowedge

[maledivine]

Emptiness in orgasmic love with emptiness

Master, I know you are nothing but words -- you are but emptiness. And when I say I love you, I am loving, through you, the whole Universe. And I, too, am nothing but emptiness. I am nothing but an aggregation of swirling molecules, themselves but assemblages of energies.

When I say I love you, it is but the love of the Universe flowing through me. When I say I love you, it is but the Universe loving itself. When I feel bliss and orgasm, it is the orgasmic rhythm of the Universal love erupting within my body.

Master! You are my alter ego, resonating my highest aspirations, leading me to connect with the ethereal realms of Dao.

[77725]

Ubunyanga Nomuthi

Initiation in Southern Afrika: A Web of Tribes and Vibes

[deathsdevotee]

tag dump

unworthy follower ( self ) angel of ruin ( master knives ) red coat of betrayal ( vash ) out of threads ( ooc ) unknown inquiries ( anon ask ) maggots demanding knowedge ( ask ) servant of ruin's angel ( main verse )

[deadlydevotion]

tag drop

unworthy follower ( self ) angel of ruin ( master knives ) red coat of betrayal ( vash ) out of threads ( ooc ) unknown inquiries ( anon ask ) maggots demanding knowedge ( ask )

[ananke-xiii]

First borns and how to stop them

I love love love "First Born", it's a 10 10 10 across the board* for me and here's why.

(*although the John Winchester hunting Kinights of Hell beat is kinda meh. I don't know if it's my memory playing tricks on me lately or what but I remember that John wasn't exactly knowedgeable about demon lore. And what about his diary being filled with info about Abaddon while Sam and Dean act totally clueless? Shouldn't they know their father's journal by heart by now? Or, I dunno, at least recognize the damn name or something? I don't know, something seems off here but I can't be bothered to check so I'm gonna give it a pass).

Patriarcal societies focus on the prominence of (male) first borns over the rest of the offspring. They represent continuity, tradition and, in a word, the past. Matriarchal societies, on the other hand, favor the last borns representing innovation, discontinuation and, in a word, the future. The biblical story of Esau and Jacob is interesting in this regard and I find it unbelievably ironic that in Supernatural the former leader of the non-factional angels is named Rebecca.

Cain is, of course, the first born of all time. However, in this episode he's never addressed as such. Interestingly, he takes on the opposite role: the Father (of Murder). You know things won't go well in Supernatural when somebody invokes John Winchester's name and this is one of these cases.

In this episode Crowley's seduction of Dean begins but we already know it'll eventually go badly since he positions himself like the daddy-type you can have fun with. I'm not sure why Crowley started to look for partners to rule hell with. I mean, of course he's a sentimental bastard who wants to be loved so it totally tracks. But from a narrative pov I can't tell where he made the switch. For sure, he made sure to show the Winchesters that he's a demon of his word, "the devil you know and so you can trust" and promptly proceeds to help Sam from the Gadreel's infestation. Crowley's fully aware that you never refuse a chance to impress a Winchester and basically everybody and their mother knows that if you save Sam, Dean falls in love with you on the spot. So Crowley played it very well, good for him. Or not (little aside: this is the beginning of Crowley's arc apotheosis. From imprisoned demon almost turned into human to restored King of Hell who turns humans into demons and make them his partner. The beginning of his end, sigh).

Anyway, from predator looking for his prey ("and your prey, Gadreel, has left the building. So, it's time to move on to more pressing matters, like destroying Abaddon") Dean is, once again this season, manipulated and Crowley quickly turns him into his little experiment, his guinea pig if you will.

The other (self-proclaimed) guinea pig of the episode is second-born Sam. He's just expelled Gadreel and found out about Dean's lies. He took it so badly that he's ready to literally risk his life to have Gadreel's remaining grace (ewwww) removed. The scientist experimenting on him is, luckily for Sam, none other than Castiel.

While his dark mirror Crowley stands for "fun, fun, fun, let's hunt together without consequences, yeah", Castiel is the voice of reason, mitigation and diplomacy. For pissed people like Sam and Dean Jiminy Crickets are no fun and must be silenced. Sam cuts him off twice or three times even, he doesn't want to listen to him because he's in his feelings. Nothing bad with that per se, the issue is that both Sam and Dean are highly emotional disregulated and they don't have the tools to deal with strong emotions. This episode shows it very well.

Sam hyperfocuses, internalizes everything, shuts down externally, he actually puts his own life on the line for a stupid experiment and literally utters the words "My life's not worth any more than anyone else's". It should be "My life is as worthy as anyone else's, right?" Do you agree with me? Not Sam. On the other hand, Dean un-focuses (he was hunting Gadreel but the next second he's in Cain's cabin on a killing spree), externalizes everything and shuts down internally. He also puts his life on the line but, just like Sam, he's also looking for a sense of worth and finds it in the Mark of Cain ("The mark can be transferred to someone who's worthy").

Dean is in so much trouble because he doesn't have a Castiel by his side. Or, well, he has his dark mirror version who preys on his insecurities ("He was right, you know. You are worthy") and is blatanlty playing him. The saddest part of all is that Dean realizes that and lets himself be played: it's not even begun and it's already ended. However, Sam's got newly reformed Castiel by his side and he's not as passive as Crowley fakely is, he takes matters into his hands and calls Sam's bullshit ("Sam, I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do. But nothing is worth losing you"). Castiel stops Sam. If the fight with Sam is what makes Dean go on a hunt with Crowley, it's Castiel's absence that prevents him to call it off. This is important.

What about Father-First-Born Cain, uh? He's paralleled to what's left of Gadreel inside Sam and, by extension, to Gadreel himself in their connection with Lucifer and their manipulation of Dean (yes, Gadreel and Cain 100% conned Dean, the moment he sent out his prayer to all angels and the moment he entered Cain's property he was doomed. As I said, Dean and Sam Winchester are very well-known names on the interdimensional street, you either steer clear of them or try a way to gain the upper hand, Gadreel and Cain tried and succeeded).

I'll be frank here, Dean is indeed worthy of Cain because if there was one guy who ever got conned was Cain himself. I mean let's look at his story:

Abel wasn't talking to God. He was talking to Lucifer. Lucifer was gonna make my brother into his pet. I couldn't bear to watch him be corrupted, so I offered a deal -- Abel's soul in heaven for my soul in hell. Lucifer accepted... As long as I was the one who sent Abel to heaven. So, I killed him. Became a soldier of Hell -- a knight.

Cain must be the most gullible character ever because not only he offered a deal with Lucifer but it was such a stupid deal that I'm like... really Cain? I mean, how could he know that Abel's soul was sent to heaven? Lucifer accepted. The same Lucifer who was literally browsing inside the mind of his brother pretending to be God? Hello, Cain, hello???? (little aside: S12 "I never lied" Crowley vs "I will never lie to you" Lucifer power showdown could have been SOOOOO good... if only...). But this is the fundamental error of human beings: getting tricked into thinking they can deal on equal footing with decidedly more powerful beings. He got totally played by Lucifer and he doesn't even know if Abel's really in heaven. The game is rigged ladies and gentlemen.

I gotta be honest again and tell it like it is: Cain's a bit of a self-righteous dick. He couldn't bear to watch his brother be corrupted so he offered a deal and he killed Abel. It's almost like the price, the burden that the mark weighs on its possessor is a sort of contrappasso: the power you abused will abuse you. Horrendous and utterly, utterly unfair because see above: power imbalance between the parties to the agreement. Again, the game is rigged. I take a little pity on the Father of Murder, the wonders of Supernatural!!!

However, there is someone in Cain's story who has good sense: poor, plain, unremarkable Colette. Yeah, it didn't go well for her, too. And who's the sanest person in this episode again? What? Castiel? Thee Castiel??? You know things are BAD when Castiel is indeed the sanest person in an episode.

The duality of the Castiel/Crowley combo has never been better showed than in "First Born": they are Colette/Abaddon, the wife and the mistress, the humdrum and the fun. The "you have to stop it"and the "we could have been forever". Rules of juxtaposition dictate that if Castiel manages to stop Sam he won't be able to stop Dean. And if Crowley manages to "be forever" with Dean he won't be able to keep the party going. And if Colette couldn't do anything about Abaddon but getting possessed&killed, Castiel will get possessed and will kill Crowley (he was very close). Exactly what happens in S10.

(the whole "you're living my life in reverse" has always sounded strange to me because Cain doesn't kill Abaddon and Colette doesn't exactly get killed by Cain... Abaddon did snap her neck and bones. Plus, there's the whole possession thing between the two (the blurring of the lines between two love interests). I don't want to sound smug but my interpretation is maybe a bit more faithful to the events as they are presented, I choose to trust Robbie Thompson's vision. The end result is the same anyway).

So what about Abel? Yeah, what about him. This episode marks the slow decline of the writers' interest in Sam. I know people don't like it when I say it but it's like... a fact. And, I mean, it's not even their fault 'cause the biblical and patriarchal story focuses on the first born. However, they are clearly retelling it and adding new characters to it so why removing Abel completely? It's written as a character who's incapacitated due to the fact that an archangel is snooping around his mind transforming him into his pet. Silencing him is a very dangerous move. S9 is so complicated, man. Anyway, it was unfortunately a "necessary" absence/silence because the final message of S9/10 is: patriarchy wins, tradition continues, the cycle of abuse is not broken. Yes, the cycle's still very much intact even if Dean didn't kill Sam.

Since SPN's version of the story seems to be working by juxtaposition, First-born-Father-Cain-Dean doesn't kill Second-born-Son-Abel Sam. But he doesn't get stopped by Wife-No Fun-Colette-Castiel either. Instead, Dean kills Death. Now, I've got things to say.

You don't know how I wish the whole Book of the Damned thing were never written or were a red herring. Imagine if killing Death was the Key to removing the mark and opening the cage! Beautifuuuuuuuul! First of all, in this way killing Death has a meaning and a value and doesn't feel like a cheap way to solve a conundrum. And second it would've brought home to the audience that Dean and Sam's main fatal flaw is that they can't let go. In a very convoluted way, Carver is saying: yeah, they didn't kill each other but this isn't a good thing because they're also refusing to integrate each other and move on. Therefore, The Things We Repress, Cage, Forget and Totally Do Not Want to Talk About must come to the surface of our conscious mind. And it will be total DISASTER because the unconscious mind, by definition, does not share the same values, beliefs and mechanics of the conscious mind. Fishing something out of our darkest pits must be done with the utmost care you can ever imagine and with the right tools in the right season.

Carver was working with pretty loaded symbols for 4 long years and it wasn't always easy to watch, I'll be honest. But the final message is very clear: Dark and Light are Distinct but Not Separate. This is like the basis tenet of all spiritual journeys. He literally laid his cards down and said: look, this is a story about two brothers and, like all stories about two brothers, this is a story about integrating two opposing aspects governing our psyche, the literal key is seeing/acknowledging our trauma, do the work and move on with more awareness. The cycle can be broken: there will be a shitload of work to do but people can outlive it. It's possible. I'm oversimplyfing too much here but this is just to say that "killing Death" would've been a powerful message if that was what brought The Darkness upon the earth: you can't kill a basic aspect of the psyche, the literal guardian between two dimensions, something will tip over if you do.

(I like to imagine Carver watching SPN finale undoing everything he spent 4 seasons on and got a shitload of (sometimes justified) hate for. I think it's a mix of horror and satisfaction, nothing beats the feeling of seeing our successors fall hahaha)

I'll stop now 'cause I feel I've blabbered enough. But this fucking show is not as bad as you think it is!

[pistolenprinz]

RDR2 CHARACTERS AS THE MAJOR ARCANA (PT. 2 OF MANY)

I've been really digging tarot lately, and finding a lot of comfort/joy indulging in the universe's energies, so I figured I would try my hand at assigning each of the main gang (with some exceptions) to one of the major arcana, as well as giving my personal interpretations of how it fits. Note: For this post, I've dipped into my own deck (Raven Rogue's Tarotorial), and will be pulling the imagery-specific elements from them. I will cite things as such "Insert text here [Source Name]." Regardless, the actual applications to the plotlines and characters is my own and is my opinion. To cut down on the length of these posts, I've privately paired up gang members that I either think provide a good foil for one another, or those that I just think pair well in terms of discussion. This section will be copy-pasted across all the posts in this series for sake of clarity.

DUTCH VAN DER LINDE - THE EMPEROR

The Emperor sits atop a ram-adorned throne on a barren mountain to represent the sterility of regulation. This card signifies powerful influence, leadership, self-discipline, and perseverance through the power of action [Tarotorial; Card Imagery].

Ignoring the literal interpretation of him as the gang's leader, the one it is named after, there are two sides to Dutch within this role that we see develop and devolve throughout the Red Dead Redemption series. In RDR2, we are shown Dutch in what we can only presume to be his prime. To be someone who is taking action and executing his authority to seemingly give the gang a better life. To make up for the mistakes in Blackwater. Of course, even in these earlier chapters of history, we too see ignorance. Immaturity. A selfish-desire to acquire more and more, damned be the cost And it is this lack of discipline, and the rigidity of his authority, that ultimately leads to his downfall. He is a leader, through and through. This includes the good, but it also includes the bad, and I think it's important to remember that it is very easy to cross the line between the two when given such a position of power. That is what Dutch's story reads to me, and why I associate him with this card. While he may have power, he has ultimately isolated himself from the very thing he assumed that position for.

HOSEA MATTHEWS - THE HIEROPHANT

The Hierophant signifies a formal figure of a religious organization. Their right hand is raised as an act of benediction, and their left hand carries a triple cross, associated traditionally with the Pope. Beneath the figure are two acolytes, denoting the transfer of sacred knowedge [Tarotorial; Card Imagery].

Ironically, I originally had Hosea slated for The Hermit. However, given his role as a founding member of the Van der Linde gang (and the similarities between the two cards' meanings), I chose to switch to The Hierophant. Hosea is a driving force, and often the voice of reason. He, alongside Dutch, validates who stays within their gang and who gets the boot (or the bullet). Likewise, and pulling from the card's imagery, he is the more involved guiding figure of the next two prominent members: Arthur and John (re: the acolytes). That said, this doesn't just apply to them. He sees all of those within the gang as family, no matter what interpersonal conflicts may arise, and ultimately wants to pass down his wisdom to them before his time comes. He wants to ensure their survival, regardless of the cost. Their survival, the continuation of his family (in a manner of speaking), is one of the most vital things to him. He wants them to be able to adapt to circumstance. To live the lives they deserve. There are a few prominent quotes of his that stick to this mindset, but the one that will always stick with me (and has influenced my decision greatly) is:

" We're born with some dreams. We acquire others as we get older and we live out something else. When I was…a kid back east they said there were dragons in the west. Dragons! Well, I guess we found them. Found them or made them or…became them. Oh, these futile lives of petty sin we have lived! What choice did we have, really? "

[nagy-bari]

agreeable rambles under the cut.

from ex-eastern block with a bit over critical parents and really niche interest and close to non english knowedge when i started using the internet got me to explore a lot. And some might have been mistakes and some might have been better to not see but for those 2-5 fics buried deep down under the mainstream it was worth it. Those comics with absolutely no written context cause i don't speak the language but the composition and the art and the vibes got what i craved did worth it. was it something that went absolutely against my moral code? maybe, but maybe i was already morbidly curious how else can be things interpreted, how do people try to connect with the same fiction i enjoy. and yes most of the time it's starkly different, the level of thirst, or shipping or crave for sexuality are on a daily basis too high for my taste. yet, if i want to find that wonderfully characterised, amazingly composed standoffs and breathtaking art i have to accept that the discovery leads through tons and tons of art-fic-rambling and ideas that are not for me.

occasionally still browse pixiv with a huff and just hop from art to artist cause it's a short cut even with the tags and all. maybe it's the minority mind set apathy that got me here (fandoms sure love to forget canonical female characters and their perfectly good story lines if they can instead just draw them as a blank to swap around with the most basic self-insert and oc) (also this whole second language made the cringe close to non-existent when i read in english. it comes back 10th fold when i try it in my mothertounge - it's just the easiest critical bar: would this be worth the printing cost of a book? yes? - it's good fiction regardless if it's fanfiction. no? - at least you don't try to sell it, good for you to find creativity and the courage to share it. )

maybe i'm just avoid the conflict cause fandom spaces are still not exactly a community 'feeling' or experience for me. maybe this cautious silent 'better to keep the judgment to myself' mentality keeps me from really connecting cause i still feel the cringe, when i think in my own language, when i have to return to the reality all these fandom spaces let me escape from. and i know i'm harsh critic. I was raised to be and i tought myself to be. So it all just comes back to the basic question - who did you create this for?

yourself? that's okay, maybe even good, maybe you're on a journey and these stories, ideas help you.

others? that's okay, the internet is endless, some day a little drifting tag will land those people who can appreciate it.

for art's sake? oh sweetie. get some rest.

people get angry when they care, people get nervous and shout when they feel. that's okay.

but please learn the true value of what is worth your anger and what is worth your time. i might be apathetic towards all the fandom stuff cause i don't think they matter as much as creating something new. Don't get me wrong, i envy everyone who has the courage to post anything fandom related. And as i said there are some absolutely marvelous works here that could be easily sold as classics. But it's fan-creation for a reason. If you want to create and be absolutely invested in it do it. Do something for yourself and for art's sake. Then you won't have the energy to get upset by mischaracterization of your favorite blorbo from a show written 50+ years ago that is probably heavily misportrayed already.

I mean I think people should curate their own fandom experience and whatnot and it's perfectly fair to just avoid things one is uncomfortable with...

That being said. From personal experience? Immunizing myself to all my discomforts by browsing through pixiv and kink memes with raised eyebrows while searching for things I am interested in back when tagging was non-existent has really made my fandom experience much more pleasant nowadays.

I have preferences, for sure. But I have no fear. I have no cringe. The filthiest, grossest fanwork holds no powers over me. I am a god.

Like honestly dl;dr and block on sight is respectable and all but I genuinely think everyone could just benefit from purposefully exposing yourself to your nOTP and non-triggering squicks sometimes? (And obviously don't go bother the creators for it.) If only so that it makes it easier/safer to search for content you like without living in fear of accidentally glimpsing something you hate and having that ruin your day.

[notesonlifeandlove]

#3

I have trouble remembering that life can be a game. If you are in one state, and you want to be in another state, you can take action to reach your desired state.

It is within my control to feel how I want to feel.

If I am bored, I can find something interesting to do.

If I am lonely, I can reach out to people I care about.

If I am sad, I can conjure joy. I can "fix" what needs to be fixed.

The most important thing we can do every day is remember this. If you are the master of your emotions, you are the master of your experience.

It is true that there is nothing any one person can't accomplish. We associate others' accomplishments with their grit and perseverence. We might benefit from associating their achievements with their self-knowedge, or with their ability to tap into that part of themselves that knows they can. They might also have the ability to block the self-sabotaging parts of themselves out....

When you feel like there is something you can't do, you need only channel the part of you that knows it can. When I feel like I can't possibly do my thesis, I have to channel the me that signed up for this school. I have to channel the me that wrote well and received praise for my work. The me that could produce great work on a tight deadline.

"I can't save money." "I can't eat healthy." "I can't exercise." "I can't take care of my family." Yes you can. If you can focus on conjuring and maintaining the correct mindset, you can do anything.

It is also within your control to support this mindset in others. Instead of being upset with your significant other for not being enough, raise them up. Let them know how capable they are. Remind them of all of the great things they have and can accomplish. They don't need reminding of their shame and of the areas which they can afford to improve, they are aware of their shortcomings already. They don't need help maintaining a shameful or guilty or less-than mindset, they need help believing in themselves!

[hopeheartfilia]

I feel as if my current personality is fake. As in I am acting fake in some manner. Which is inherently dumb, but its afeeling i cant shake about being all weird. I think the general weirdness of existing currently is trowing me for so many loops.

The way we act is inherently not going to encompass everything weve experienced and are all at once, were always only showing a faced of the possible ways we would act given the situation and company, every expression of the self is equally as fake and true if its unintentional, but here I am being like. Im acting off. Off from what? Wjere is the guidline of how I usually act and what proof do I have that Ive deviated from it? And would it nessesarily be a bad thing? The circumstances have drastically changed recently and its only natural the way we act would adapt to that, yet it feels unnatural and in some manner wrong.

All that ultimetly shows is that I am lackinga concrete sense of self at the moment and also that Im undersocialised. Because as I am naturally asocial, a low amount of socialisation is normal, yet not interacting with people can corode the perception of yourself as a contained entity. And not in a good way, for me at least, its not as if I am transending the body, its as if I am a gas and the baloon Im in is disolving so Im diffusing in the air untill I am no longer a seperate thing that can be identified, and I dont really like that, because it makes me feel extra weird™ the second I interact with others again in any manner, even if its a tumblr post

And my eloquence fluctates as if its a kid kicking around on a swing, I am both exprecing myself and not at all, the whistling as the smoke I am makes wind has asound but it is not something discernable

[redrikki]

I know JKR is the worst and we're all supposed to hate Harry Potter now, but I just saw a terrible Hogwarts sorting take so it's rant time. At the end of the day, Hogwarts houses are not about traits. They are about values. 

Each of the four founders had very distinct values. Gryffindor valued heroism and righteousness. Ravenclaw valued curiosity and knowledge for knowedge’s sake. Hufflepuff valued fairness and ensuring that everyone got an education while Slytherin valued power and ensuring that said power remained in the hands of a select few. They each selected students who either shared their values or would help them fulfill their goals. 

Harry, we’re told in his sorting scene, has plenty of courage and not a bad mind, either. He has enough of a thirst to prove himself that the hat specifically offers Slytherin, but Harry turns it down because that kind of power doesn’t appeal to him. That’s when the hat sticks him in Gryffindor.

His is the only sorting we actually get a behind-the-scenes on, but it does provide some insight into the process. The hat looks at his traits, mind courage, etc., but it also considers what Harry wants, not just in terms of his explicit wishes, but his deeper desires. Harry wants external validation, but not power, so Gryffindor it is. 

Keeping all that in mind, here’s my handy guide for deciding where to sort your characters:

Gryffindor: Wants external validation and to be seen as good or worthy, but does not particularly want power

Ravenclaw: Does not particularly care about external validation or power, but has strong drive for self development

Hufflepuff: Doesn’t particularly care about external validation or power, but has a strong drive to change the world around them

Slytherin: Wants external validation and to get or maintain power

[code-of-creation]

They had told him the program would take care of everything. An offer so good, it had been impossible to decline at the time. He had nothing left to hold onto, no family, friends, or home. Drought had strangled the land long before his birth, leaving a dusty hell that barely supported the sparse food sources. Anyone with a lick of sense was leaving. Only stubborn fools, and those trapped by poverty and obligation stayed behind.

He could still feel the rage in his core, all of the suffering of that era could have been easily solved with just a little organization, some education, and minimal effort. Reversing desertification was a knowedge that, despite not being well known to the average person, was very much available. Especially to those with access to an infinite stream of scholarly articles on anything one could wish to know. Nothing had to be the way it was, and no one had to suffer like this... but that was centuries ago.

He couldn't change the past, and the strangely relaxed, calm man he had been staying with had ever so slowly dulled the sharp blade of his rage with this blunt reminder. Accepting that he'd been used and dumped was no appealing venture, but what choice did he have? Unless he wanted his future to be nothing more than stretching the pain of one bad decision...

Humans were an antagonistic group. Yes, there was such a thing as good humans; and they could create very diverse and friendly communities when enough of them got together. But something always happened that seemed to poison human communities. Most humans were easily swayed and manipulated by greed, self interest, lust, power... And Every time humans organized a form of government, it had corrupted from the inside like a rot. To find a good, trustworthy human was hard. Trusting groups of them was impossible.

That antagonism is what led to humans becoming such a small population. Other species began to thrive as they gained enough land to sustain their resource needs. Not feeling the need to hide from the humans that once hunted them into the shadows, they began to reveal themelves. Humans had always fought with each other, with their neighbours. Huge new populations that had once been hidden pretending to be human now wanted and were willing to fight for their freedom to live as they saw fit. Advanced human civilizations crumbled away from governments, to kingdoms, to a variety of small independent groups of various means and advancement. Humans tried to cling to their idea of their own power, tried to force laws and exert power over the stronger beings in ridiculous ways to assert dominance. It didn't pan out well.

Most of the humans he'd known had hatred the big three "enemies". Demons, Spirits/Fey, and Deities/god(desses), these three groups stopped hiding their existence as they found strength in numbers, and in doing so the power to defy humans.

Demons were the first to unveil themselves, of course causing mass panic. So many humans had cried about the apocalypse, and religious teachings. The demons were varied, and notably stronger than an average human. Armed with a superior strength and actual magic, the demons had established their position in bloodshed. They wanted to live their best lives, and very few rules applied. As long as no one is harming a non-consenting party, its fine. As long as someone isn't ruining something for others, it's fine. Sure they could fuck you over with bad contracts, gambling debt and so on, but most just wanted to have a secure comfortable life and a good time. As long humans lived peacefully among the demons, they'd be treated as equals. Demons were even willing to merge with and work with local governments to make sure things were equitable for all, in a way no more fucked up than humans.

The demons had the overwhelming power to enforce their lax lifestyle, and despite the demons being negotiaters the humans hated the thought. They envied the individual strength that made each demon a potential super soldier.

One of the last truly advanced human strongholds had made him what he was today. He'd grown up rough, losing his family as he did and struggling on his own until He'd been found by a convoy surveying the area. He'd worked for that group from that point. A hyper-militaristic community of highly educated humans living in an advanced underground city. Well, He'd thought of it as a city until the first time he saw a real city while escorting a convoy. The demons ran the city, once built by humans, and it looked... astounding. The tall shining sky scrapers, the enormity of everything...

The stronghold he'd woked at began to struggle. Their population dwindled with each generation, their inability to increase food production meant that losing prey to hunt would bring famine. The political atmosphere in the human haven was volatile between the scientists, the hunters/surveyors, and the tradespeople. Multiple generations had grown up in these tunneling communities, carved in stone and protected from the outside world, but logistically it was set to fail unless the environment outside was recovered.

Instead of researching and reversing the desertification, they started the genetic adaptation and artificial evolution program. Volunteers were needed for the demon program.

He'd hadn't been improving when the mad scientists announced their fanciful project was recruiting subjects. An encounter gone bad with a demon had resulted in the loss of his leg, an artificial shoulder being fitted (the rest of the arm was recovered) and more skin grafts than typically rationed during mass casualty events. Thankfully the advanced medical bullshit the "scientists" had been itching to test happened to line up with his injury. And they were even more generous, as his team had brought them the demon remains that proved key to their research.

The first months of the program were hell. He had been certain he was dying. Skin grafts failed, the stump of his leg wouldnt heal, the new shoulder wouldn't take. Painkillers did nothing, he could only lay in his bed with all the IVs and wires. Fading in and out of consciousness as strangers came and went. Cut him, cracked him, sewed him, who knows what. Lights buzzed over him, and he slept as much as he could.

About a year in, his body started to heal. The demonic bullshit was healing him at last, his body no longer rejecting it. He was the gem of the program as he regained the ability to sit up, move his arm, his skin healing with visible magic swirling in odd stripes. When he woke up with a new leg, he'd wiped out trying to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom(He forgot about all the things connected to him.)

They kept him in the bed for weeks longer before they let him walk. When he did see himself in the mirror for the first time, he felt something inside him break. Something he didnt know he had. His once fluffy black hair was gone, replaced by the same ghostly blond of the demon who almost killed him. The demon who killed his friend. The demon he'd killed. Horns stuck out proudly from the thick hair, the same as the demon, taunting him. He'd screamed at the mirror, at himself, trying to process the sight. His magic awoke to set his hands ablaze, and with only the dumbest of thought he grabbed at the hair, burning off pieces of it and singing others black. The smoke and stench set off the sprinklers and had people fighting to pull his hands away. He'd become panicked and aggressive.... fighting against the tranquilizer and slipping on the wet floor. His head bashed the sink, horns, blood, white ceramic.

He awoke from reliving the horrible memory with a start, eyes shooting wide and glowing in a way that lit up the study the strange man had busied himself away in for the day. He'd fallen asleep waiting for the man to finish, missing the music player he'd had, courtesy of his "doctors"... The man had fallen asleep at his little desk. Thankfully the ink hadn't spilled this time, but he'd fallen asleep with his face on the still wet page. It took a moment for him to warm up, the demon organic tissue relying on a skeleton of inorganic transplants to move smoothly. Gently laying a blanket over the man, he headed outside to watch the sun rise. It was nice to see the sun rising while the world turned from black to green...

According to the oc polls u lot want to see someone who: has a sunburned/tanned freckled face, white singed hair, chipped horns, their body is inorganic and they’re possibly a robot of a sort, their aesthetic follows YEEHAW 🤠 logic, their theme colour is turquoise, and they’re filled with bitterness and betrayal

U know what, I don’t have an awful lot to say about this. The circuit patterns are a nod and a wink to botw. I was so so tempted to go full on silly cowboy space western but I bit my hand and said NO, this is gonna be vague and strange. Everything put together gave me the vibe of someone beaten up and angry, someone who just rolled thru the dust with nothing for a murder weapon but a shank. Alas this decaying trash goblin *hands them over to y’all* u lot are in charge of them

[maledivine]

The noble motives of my Cock

A few weeks ago I was on a work trip which led to some discussions on potential new initiatives and collaborations. The idea arose in me to establish a foundation or NGO. As I was reflecting on this possibility while we drove through the mountains of a remote region, I touched my crotch and fell into bliss. As I entered into a deep connection with my cock, I asked myself about my motivation for having such a plan, since setting up an NGO, although it's something that in appearance may be for the benefit of others, can actually involve a lot of ego and materialistic motives.

And then I felt, coming from my penis, a strong impulse to make sure that such an initiative would be completely selfless as far as I am concerned: if I do it, I should not have a single trace of desire for personal benefit.

And then I fell into a deep state of forgetfulness of self, a sense of total merging with the universe, and love for all beings. As a Baha'i the notion of selfless service to humanity is a key teaching and a core motivation for me in my life and career, so at one level the message I received was nothing new, and something I am deeply aware of at both spiritual and intellectual levels. But now I felt the same message coming to me from my cock (and also my anus -- all of my genital zones), and leading me to an embodied and blissful experience of oneness.

At that point I discovered that my lowly cock and anus are aligned with the highest and most noble purpose of my life, that they are aligned with God's will. My cock is not only a toy for innocent playing with and pleasuring, as I had experienced a few days earlier -- it is a partner and guide on my path of God.

I realised, as my cock was guiding me to purify my motives and to experience universal love and oneness, that my cock is even more pure than my own heart. As I communicated my gratitude to my cock, and welcomed it to join me on my path of service to God and humanity, it was so happy that it threw me into deep orgasms, orgasms so deep and powerful, I realised that these lofty aspirations had been the deepest yearning of my cock, but I had not involved it in my work, having only taken it as a source of pleasure and bliss... Ooooh! I just had an orgasm thinking about it…

[mammonprotectionsquad]

Aaaye a week later than planned, but I finally have a keyboard! Aka I'm back on my bullshit! And of course that had to be celebrated with a Vandy fic xD

This is very self-indulgent 👀 I was itching to get this idea out of my head

Attention

Vanderwood x Reader

"It will only take half an hour, maybe a bit longer. But I don't think it'll be over an hour", you'd told him, before calling one of your friends. And that was all fine with him. Vanderwood decided to make use of that time and finally fix at least some of the small things you'd both neglected for quite a while, neither of you deeming them important enough to make them a top prioity.

Meaning, while you two were at the same place, you each still did your own thing. Besides, that way he was able to steal a couple glances at you every now and then. Your inability to stay still as soon as you were on the phone with someone was extemely endearing to him, for some reason. He watched you walk around or pick up a piece of paper and any pen you could get your hands on to start doodling random things.

By the time he was done with all his chores, you were still on the phone. A look at the clock telling him that it was already over an hour. With you still happily chatting away on the phone. Who was he to judge how much you two had to catch up on with each other? So all he did when he passed you was dropping a kiss to your temple, his fingertips brushing over the small, visible patch of skin on your stomach where your shirt rode up the slightest bit. The nearly bashful smile you aimed at him for his actions had his heart flutter.

Afterwards he planted himself on the couch and grabbed the book on the coffee table to read it in order to pass the time.

If he was completely honest, he hadn't payed much attention to what he'd read. His gaze constantly landing on you again. And as it got later and later, one hour closing in to turning into two, he let out a quiet huff. As much as he wanted you to take your time with your friends, it didn't sit right with him that you'd pretty much ignored him during the majority of your call. It made him realize just how used he was to all those small acts of affection he usually got from you. Stolen kisses, fleeting touches, gentle looks...

If anyone ever pointed it out or asked him about it, he'd forever deny it. But he knew that he had moments where even he got quite needy for your attention. Which was why he made a quick decision.

As soon as you walked past him, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into his lap. Causing you to gasp in surprise, which was followed by a quiet giggle. His hands rested on your hips to keep you in place, after he gently brushed your hair over one shoulder, making your neck acessible for him.

Vanderwood didn't hesitate one bit, as he already leaned in to brush his lips over the newly exposed skin. Keeping the touch feather light. The way you shuddered ever so slighty made it impossible for him not to smile.

He always felt some sense of pride when he got those reactions from you. Not to mention the knowedge that he was the only one you reacted to like that. The only one you let that close.

At first he started out soft and sweet. Nuzzling the juncture of where your neck and shoulder met. Placing brief pecks along your neck and up to your jawline. Though seeing how you were still able to talk somewhat normally, he decided it was time to dial it up a bit.

Pecks turned into open-mouthed kisses, acompanied by occasional nips and nibbles. Tongue darting out to flick over the tender spots whenever he decided to leave a small mark on you. Making it very visible that you were his.

His long, calloused fingers found their way under your shirt, gently drumming along your sides and squeezing lightly every now and then.

Your breath hitched quite often, your main focus clearly not being on the conversation with your friend anymore and your responses were either stuttered or a bit breathless. Meaning he was close to getting what he wanted. Agonizingly slow he moved his lips back up your neck, nibbling along your jawline, until he pressed a kiss right below your ear.

"Baby girl...", he hummed lowly, voice a little raspy from not talking for a couple hours at that point.

Your body tensed immediately as you bit your lip, your free hand now clutching the front of his shirt like you were holding on for dear life.

"H-hey, listen. I'm sorry that it's so sudden, but I gotta hang up now. I'll call you again some other day, alright? Bye!", you pretty much rambled and as soon as you hung up, the phone was dropped next to you on the couch. Absolutely unimportant.

While you looked at him with a mock annoyed expression, he couldn't keep the smug smile off his face. Seeing how perfectly his plan had worked out.

"You're such a tease!"

"You don't look like you awfully mind~", he simply countered.

It was obvious that you wanted to protest, though your mouth only opened and closed a couple times without any words coming out. Clearly still too flustered and a bright blush covering your cheeks.

He allowed himself to take the sight in for a moment, before he grabbed your chin between his index finger and thumb, finally leaning in to press his lips against yours. Feeling you lean into him made his heart skip a beat.

"Why did you even tease me like that in the first place?", you eventually asked after pulling back, lips still brushing against his as you spoke.

"You didn't pay me attention", he admitted without any hesitation and shrugged. Sometimes it still surprised him how easy it was to be open and vulnerable around you... But it was a nice feeling.

For a couple seconds you only stared at him, befoe you began to laugh brightly, the sound making him feel all warm inside.

"You could've just ask me to hang up and spend time with you, Vandy! As if I'd ever say no to that..."

"Mhm... Maybe. But where would be the fun in that? It's cute to see you squirm when you try to keep your composure, before you accidentally-"

Before he was able to finish the sentence, you were the one to lean in for another kiss, effectively shutting him up that way. And he couldn't even complain about it when your hands moved into his hair as the kiss deepend, ending with a tug on his lower lip. It was no secret that you would try to tease him right back and oh, he was looking forward to that little game of yours and seeing who would give in first...

Masterlist I Masterlist II

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[thorsthot]

is it just u and me on this dash idk but ok u know what i find interesting abt my chart is that my jupiter is in gemini and idk if the fact that its the sister sign of the sign the planet rules has an effect on it so i'll ask for your thoughts. also it's in my 7th house. i almost feel like having it in gemini is why i can deliver knowedge well but that is legit just me guessing lmao

man it really is only us on here tonight 🧍🏾‍♀️

so firstly, we gotta talk abt jupiter as a planet/energy. jupiter is the planet of luck/where you succeed + what you succeed at. it also represents your higher self and expansion (amongst many other things). not only that but jupiter is a social planet (along with saturn).

with natal jupiter in gemini, you likely flourish w other people. you enjoy good conversation and being friendly (and adapting). this also makes learning easy for you since gemini = mercury = intellect. you flourish when learning (even in group settings). you’re quick on ur feet and can easily pick things up.

w jupiter in 7H this basically picks up on more air sign energy (specifically libra bc libra = 7H). do you find that you’re able to grow a lot more with balanced friendships/relationships ? basically seek partnerships where the other person is helping you succeed whether it be personally or in the professional world.

in short, yeah ur gemini jupiter is why u deliver knowledge well (and likely other things in ur chart <3)

[fiore-rosewood9]

England personal  headcanons

Warning: some of this may upset you, so if you are a small child/teen or really sensitive to certain topics, this is not for you.

England copes with loneliness and the big amounts of work by drinking alcohol until he passes out. 

He is prideful so he wouldn’t admit he feels lonely and left out just like Prussia.

Sometimes he could pout but if he is feeling angry due to the lack of sleeping he would most likely give a sassy remark to anyone talking to him.

He is someone who reads books and drinks a cup of tea either in his bed or work room, next to a candle light to for relaxing

Arthur is the type of person that watches the earlier versions of doctor who religously and complain to France over how much the show has changed.

He is an old dark bitter man, that just needs someone to listen to him and respect him after everything he has experienced. That is why he respects Russia, he thinks they have a lot in common as big powers in the past and now being mocked during and out of meetings for no longer being powerful. 

He still smokes even though it ruins his gentleman image, smoking is the other bad coping way he uses. The others are leaving without warning, drinking and at rare moments starving.

He has lost his appetite due to many reasons, he doesn’t tell why but the rumour about him losing his receptors due to drinking hot tea every day

He gets nostalgic every time he looks through old clothes and objects, and tends to cry, that is why he holds his attic locked, so no one would come in and he wouldn’t get emotional over nothing.

He is over America and forth of July but sometimes throws up in the toilet. Even though America makes big parties, he feels awkward and rarely comes because he feels out of place. The same issue is not happening with his other colonies.

Francis despite the many years of rivalry still stays his best love and friend. He feels like he can take off his mask and be honest with the other nation

Arthur would wear leather pants or jeans  just to feel a boost of confidence when he needs it.

He still has doubts and insecurities, like any other nation but he can hide them well. He still would get hurt if another nation points out something personal to him.

He still regrets what he did to Jeanne of Arc and would never admit that one of the reasons he did it was jealousy. France would never forgive him if he does.

His food is not that bad, France is just exaggereting. Some of his meals are okay, and some are good. His problem is that he is forgetful and that leaves the food burnt.

His relationship with Scotland is not as bad as it used to be. They have normal conversations over whiskey at some moments. The same cannot be said about his other brothers.

England can’t hold his liqour well, but will never admit it and would fight until the end, even if it means getting drunk.

He misses Hong Kong from time to time but would never say it.

He has good relationship with Japan still and is his guest over tea. Japan still visits his house as well. When England visits Japan he gets excited over Japan’s mythical animals and ghosts, even though Japan politely smiles and nods but when he turns around he mumbles to him self. “But I live alone.’’

England still practices magic in his basement and Norway and Romania aren’t the only ones who he talks about it to, Belarus also practices magic.

He has hard time making and keeping friends now, even though if you have met him you would probably think he is just a charming, kind man passing by.

He has cosplayed as a pirate at Paris’s disneyland. Francis just happened to see photos of him and keeps them for blackmail in case he needs to.

Francis would call him king Arthur as a joke just to tease him sometimes.

When he was a pirate and was all alone in his room he would write poems and letters to him self mostly. Francis has seen some of them and still keeps them without Arthur’s knowedge. The other people who know bout his secret are Spain and Prussia.

He has asked Spain for forgiveness many years after what he has done and has done to so to each one of his colonies, except America.

He and Prussia sometimes go to a pub and talk to each other.

Despite what everyone thinks, he has good relationship with Italy. In the begining he intimidated him but now he sees no reason to acts kind towards him.

Germany isn’t the only one who keeps the meetings under control, the other one is England, Hungary and China.

He still doesn’t have the best relationship with China and avoids him.

Even though it is rare since he is busy talkin to the others, has lots of work or is outside, he makes small talks with India, most consisting of how each other is.

Because he can starve to feel like he is still in control, he gets pissed off even more and would most likely lash out much more agressivly if he hasn’t eaten in the last 6 hours rather if he has eaten. 

Nyo England is insecure about her chest size because it is small and she thinks she isn’t attractive enough because of it, especially since she compares her self to other girls, like Belgium and Hungary and Nyo France.

Nyos and Normal nations live in the same unvierse so do the 2ps, but they rarely see each other. Each represents something different, one represents the land for example, the other the people etc.

Nyo England would most listen to rock from  70′s and 80′s as something to wake her up and has some of Queen’s songs downloaded on her phone. “Somebody to love” is her alarm.

England refuses to usually wear glasses even though with his age he needs them, so he has contacts like Prussia, even though Prussia’s eye sight is much more damaged from his childhood than Arthur’s. Nyo England doesn’t have this problem.

Nyo Canada is much more compared to Nyo England rather than Amelia, because Amelia has short hair.

Some of France’s clothes still stay in England wardrobe since the last time he visited him.

He is not on good terms with his 2p and despises everything he represents or does even though they are the same nation.

He is a cat person, but when he was a child with just a cloak and bow in hand he used to have a wild dog as protection until it was shot by villagers. When he was at the peak of his power he took a tiger because he thought it was exotic and represented power but once he saw that he couldn’t control or tame the animal he sent it to a special place where people with more experiences could take care of it. Now he is satisfied with the smaller versions of the tigers walking around his old house. Also known as cats.

He talks to Matthew over the phone or on camera much more than he visits him nowdays.

He can be annoyed with nyo France, but she is a lady, a woman and he can’t just punch her like he does with Francis. That doesn’t mean he can’t curse.

He loves children and would like to have one but he knows he can’t marry someone, especially human. That is why he has worked as elementary teacher once in his life, to live the dream.

Nyo England has three moods- black official clothes and suits, floral dresses, long dresses, mostly pastel colours and punk revealing clothes with piercing and there is no in between.

Nyo England has a tattoo on top of her chest and on her ankle, while England has on his waist and shoulder.

His cats are named after his old bosses.

He still has nightmares from the world wars and flinches no matter if he is sleeping or not.

[mikeo56]

Today’s internet is built on, with, and through an unruly sea of lies, deceptions, and distortions, as well as a few certainties, cables, and algorithms.

This week’s viral-wonder—the crisis of “fake news” in the wake of the 2016 presidential election—is a logical and necessary outgrowth of the web’s sordid infrastructure, prurient daily pleasures, and neoliberal political economy.

Today’s saccharine hand-wringing and the too-late fixes erupting from the mouthpieces for the corporate, media, and political interests responsible for this mess are as bogus as Lonelygirl15.

Today’s media consumer cannot trust the internet, its news, or networks—fake or otherwise. Given the wretched state of today’s internet, skeptical, self-aware interaction with digital data is the critical foundation upon which democracy may be maintained.

Fake News: A Media Literacy Reading List

“Triumph of the Will”: Document or Artifice?,     by David B. Hinton     What struck me about the way that Trump supporters view Trump is how similar it is to the ways in which Hitler was also viewed. Leni     Riefenstahl was instrumental in creating the spectacle and artifice around  Hitler and the Nazi party, and the ways that Trump has uses fake news     mirrors some of that (even beyond the similarities of some of his proposed  policies).  Recommended by Jennifer Jee Cho, MA Candidate,  Cinema & Media Studies, USC

The Meme of Memes: Information as Objects,     by Antonio López     This article addresses the ideas of memes. It looks at how we can     classify them, how they function, and why they insidiously find their way     into our collective psyches. It is interesting re: the figure of Pepe, its     dissemination, and what the corporate media then took as its meaning. Recommended by Amalia Charles, M.A. Candidate, Cinema & Media Studies, USC

From Home to Public Forum: Media Events and the Public     Sphere, by Barbie Zelizer     I think that consideration of the media as a whole is important when     considering the rise you are claiming of the fake news. It is important to     consider not just the role of the viewer in relation to spectatorship of the news but also to track the decline of certain types of viewership of the news, and how viewership of “fake news” diverges from an older form of    spectatorship. Recommended by Alia Haddad, PhD student in Cinema     and Media Studies, USC

Talking Race and Cyberspace: An Interview with Lisa     Nakamura, by Lisa Nakamura and Geert Lovink     I think the opening speaks to its utility: “Nakamura’s work shows how the Internet, despite all its claims to the alternative, remains a part of     dominant visual culture.” Recommended by Harry Gilbert, M.A.     Student, Bryan Singer Division of Cinema and Media Studies, USC

Protocol, Control, and Networks, by Alexander Galloway and Eugene Thacker    Via Deleuze, Galloway and Thacker map our meaningful counter-protocols of current networked life. Recommended by Harry Gilbert

On Software, or the Persistence of Visual Knowledge, by Wendy Hui Kyong Chun Recommended by Harry Gilbert

Race Racing: Four Theses on Race and Intensity, by Amit Rai     Amit Rai considers speed, media, and race: “If what I have argued is a   sensible shift in the politics and theorization of race toward the common     notion of race racing as a diagram of speeds and slownesses, intensive     rates and gradients internal to manifold assemblages of technology and     perception, then these theses should perform an experimentation on race  itself. This experimentation would continuously mutate, never resembling  itself, changing the metric of its own measure through a resonance that     moves beyond its term.” Recommended by Harry Gilbert

Framing the Internet in the Arab Revolutions: Myth Meets Modernity, by Miriyam Aouragh     The attached article supports the idea of needing a more critical     citizen engagement with the internet. Something else that this article     does in a very understated way is point out that the relationship between    the internet and produced fakeness/realness changes based on where/when we are in the world. Your op-ed points out that, in a Western/American context, the internet is our source for producing, consuming, and sharing fake content. But it’s just as important to note that the internet can become a place of very real Western (re)configurations of non-Western narratives, cultures, and social and political structures, effectively acting as a tool for the production of neocolonialism and its real effects. Recommended by Mary Michael

After Politics/After Television: Veep, Digimodernism,     and the Running Gag of Government, by Joe Conway     Joe Conway makes reference to Alan Kirby and his dystopian concept of “digimodernism”, where the “apparently real” is the dominant aesthetic,  “one where the knowing pastiches and parodies of postmodernism cease to register because they require a broad foundation of past cultural knowedge that has been leveled into non-meaning”. Some of his     descriptions of digimodernism are helpful to think about fake news and how fake have lost its subversive potential. Recommended by Emilia     Yang, Ph.D. Student in Media Arts and Practice

The Quantum Paradox of Truthiness: Satire, Activism,     and the Postmodern Condition, by James E. Caron     Caron cites Geoffrey Baym’s concept of “discursive integration,” a     concept he offers as a way of speaking about, understanding, and     acting within the world defined by the permeability of form and the fluidity   of content. “Discourses of news, politics, entertainment, and marketing have grown deeply inseparable; the languages and practices of each have lost their distinctiveness and are being melded into previously unimagined combinations.”Both of these authors are part of a Special Issue of the Studies in American Humor: American Satire and the     Postmodern Condition. I see the problem of fake news as a historical     trend where on one side news has accommodated to feed what sells and     what people want to read (click bait), and on the other side as Alex     mentions, we are not aware of the complexity of the Internet, its politics     and interests. I also recommend Evgeny Morozov’s critiques like The Internet,” Recommended by EmiliaYang, PhD Student in Media Arts and Practice

In Transit, by Claudia Rankine     While I teach in a cinema school, my doctoral degree is from an English  Department, and poetry wields a particular language that has spoken its own truths to me across the years. This fall, I have found myself turning to poetry again and again, searching for words that might ground meaning beyond the swirls of information that were scrolling across my many screens. Although this piece by Claudia Rankine was published nearly twenty-five years ago, it speaks powerfully to our present. Recommended by Tara McPherson, Professor, Department of Cinema, University of Southern California