#but how can you analyse something thats barely there? a case of simply not enough density or concentrated matter to run tests on

[hopeheartfilia]

I feel as if my current personality is fake. As in I am acting fake in some manner. Which is inherently dumb, but its afeeling i cant shake about being all weird. I think the general weirdness of existing currently is trowing me for so many loops.

The way we act is inherently not going to encompass everything weve experienced and are all at once, were always only showing a faced of the possible ways we would act given the situation and company, every expression of the self is equally as fake and true if its unintentional, but here I am being like. Im acting off. Off from what? Wjere is the guidline of how I usually act and what proof do I have that Ive deviated from it? And would it nessesarily be a bad thing? The circumstances have drastically changed recently and its only natural the way we act would adapt to that, yet it feels unnatural and in some manner wrong.

All that ultimetly shows is that I am lackinga concrete sense of self at the moment and also that Im undersocialised. Because as I am naturally asocial, a low amount of socialisation is normal, yet not interacting with people can corode the perception of yourself as a contained entity. And not in a good way, for me at least, its not as if I am transending the body, its as if I am a gas and the baloon Im in is disolving so Im diffusing in the air untill I am no longer a seperate thing that can be identified, and I dont really like that, because it makes me feel extra weird™ the second I interact with others again in any manner, even if its a tumblr post

And my eloquence fluctates as if its a kid kicking around on a swing, I am both exprecing myself and not at all, the whistling as the smoke I am makes wind has asound but it is not something discernable