#self care isnt cruel but people use it that way

[gamebookslp]

I talk about some of this stuff on my other podcast, Twisted Thinking. It's a trend of 'im the most important thing in the world and my happiness and comfort means more than anything else' it's a way of telling everyone else 'hey, you don't matter' and it's dangerous and unhealthy and selfish. This has nothing to do with fiction, but it's important as anything else. And I'm still passionate about this kind of thing.

Increased awareness of the importance of mental health is no bad thing, especially in the aftermath of a punishing pandemic. But in many cases, the prevalence of what The New Yorker’s Katy Waldman has termed “Instagram therapy” has exacerbated a broader cultural trend toward solipsism, masquerading as “self-care.” The idea of self-care, in turn, has been largely divorced from its links to activism and is now often used to frame individual pleasurable actions, like taking a bubble bath or canceling plans, as morally worthy, even necessary. The exhortation to take care of ourselves, to protect our mental well-being at any cost, has become a mantra for a newly dominant ideology.

It’s not just that this Instagram therapy gives its adherents a convenient excuse to bail on dinner parties or silence our phones when friends text us in tears. Rather, it’s that according to this newly prevalent gospel of self-actualization, the pursuit of private happiness has increasingly become culturally celebrated as the ultimate goal. The “authentic” self — to use another common buzzword — is characterized by personal desires and individual longings. Conversely, obligations, including obligations to imperfect and often downright difficult people, are often framed as mere unpleasant circumstance, inimical to the solitary pursuit of our best life. Feelings have become the authoritative guide to what we ought to do, at the expense of our sense of communal obligations.

[…]

Yet it is precisely that rejection of our communal lives that makes therapy culture — at least the version of it on social media and in wellness advertisements — such an imperfect substitute. The idea that we are “authentic” only insofar as we cut ourselves off from one another, that the truest or most fundamental parts of our humanity can be found in our desires and not our obligations, risks cutting us off from one of the most important truths about being human: We are social animals. And while the call to cut off the “toxic” or to pursue the mantra of “live your best life,” or “you are enough” may well serve some of us in individual cases, the normalization of narratives of personal liberation threaten to further weaken our already frayed social bonds. “We are a relational species,” Dr. Cohen noted, adding that we need connection “to really thrive and survive.”

[hyunfilms]

connected (hhj) | one shot.

—summary: a night alone at the bar leads you to a beautiful man named hyunjin.

—pairing: hwang hyunjin x f. reader

—genre: (18+) strangers to lovers | fluff, smut

—word count: 5.6k

—content/warnings: love at first sight kinda thing? soulmates if you really squint, was kinda inspired reading yung pueblo's poem (his poem isnt available anymore rip), cussing, model/artist hyunjin, oc and hyunjin are completely enamored by each other & hyunjin got googly eyes hehe, he is very sweet and a gentleman though, alcohol consumption, intoxication, kisses/making out, protected sex, praising, oral (f. receiving), fingering, sprinkle of spit play, ass-smacking, breast play, sprinkle of choking, missionary, doggy style 🤓 woof, multiple orgasms (like 2 lol), after care and cuddles, lightly edited so i apologize if i miss anything!!, very self-indulgent and just something i needed to write out 😭

—ON ROTATION: fwm - tone stith / for us - v

Sleepless nights.

It’s another one of those sleepless nights— for him, for her, for many people, for you.

Your business trip to Paris was coming to an end tonight; an early AM flight scheduled in the morning to bring you back to your beautiful, but also mundane life in California. Although grateful for the opportunity to travel here and explore for a week and a half, you were ready to get back to the familiar. The familiar places, the familiar faces, familiar routine. You sigh at the thought, finishing up your cocktail at the bar while scrolling through social media. 

“Another one, miss?” The bartender comes to you with a small smile on his face.

“Please. Thank you.” You nod and reciprocate the smile, eyes now glancing around the room as you feel the alcohol slowly running through your veins. The bar was beautifully decorated in dark, elegant decor, lights dimmed throughout the entire room. Luckily for you, your hotel room was only a few floors up— making it incredibly easy for you to enjoy yourself and let loose; something you haven’t been able to do while being bombarded with coworkers and a tight agenda.

Your eyes fall onto the couple just a table or two away. They’re enjoying their drinks, though their eyes say they’re bored and over each other with the way they can’t keep eye contact for longer than 2 seconds. Then, your eyes fall onto the lady in the far corner who is typing furiously away on her phone. Your eyes shift to the gentleman all the way down on the other end of the bar, repeatedly looking down at his watch before bringing the phone to his ear for the umpteenth time; probably waiting on a date that never showed up when they said they would.

“Whiskey on the rocks, please?” Your eyes now fall onto the tall, attractive man that slides into the empty seat next to you— setting his bag onto the surface before letting out a heavy sigh. He’s in a black sweater, slacks and black chelsea boots, and you can’t help but notice how everything sits on his figure so, so perfectly. Hair pulled back in a neat ponytail, a few bangs framing the sides of his face; freshly shaved undercut. His tongue quickly swipes the surface of his pink, plump lips before he thanks the bartender and sips on his drink— you’re sure you’ve never seen anybody so perfectly sculpted.

Was this a cruel joke?

“Your cocktail, miss.” You thank the bartender again before shyly sipping on your second glass of the night, trying to keep to your own space.

“Sorry, hope someone wasn’t sitting here already.” He suddenly says, making you turn towards him. There’s really no one else around but you two; perhaps, another individual a few seats down, and that gentleman at the end still waiting on his date. 

“Oh, um. No.” You give him a toothless smile. “You’re good.”

“Cool.” Is all he says before chugging the whiskey in his glass, asking for another round. “It’s been a long night. Wanna take a shot with me?” He turns to you again, licking his lips yet again. “No pressure.” You keep your eyes on him as you think about your next move. He is an attractive man, a harmless one at that. 

It’s your last night in Paris, what do you have to lose?

“Sure.” You shrug. “Why not?”

“Nice to know you’re down.” He laughs a bit before calling the bartender and asking for two shots. “What’s your poison?”

“Tequila.” He pokes his bottom lip out before nodding in agreement.

“Two shots of tequila it is, then.”

“Didn’t you just down some whiskey? That’s a little dangerous.” He laughs before turning in his seat to face you.

“Don’t worry about me sweetheart, I’m staying here.” Crazy, you think. Out of all the times to bump into someone who is also staying at this hotel. “What about you?”

“I’m here, too.” You sip on your drink some more.

“Then we’ll enjoy it.” He flashes his pearly whites when he smiles. “Hyunjin.” He holds out his hand.

“Y/N.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” He caresses the surface of your hand with his thumb just as the bartender comes back with two shot glasses filled to the brim with tequila. The bartender points to your cocktail with a smirk.

“Need a refill to wash down the tequila, or do you need something else?”

“I should be good. Thanks.” He winks before tending to the others down the line.

“So, Y/N. Where are you from?”

“California. What about you?”

“Seoul.”

“Nice. One of my friends moved there recently.” You quickly think about Lola, hoping she’s doing okay. Mental note to send her a message on Kakao later. “What brings you here?”

“Mm, probably the same reason as you.” Hyunjin smirks.

“Work?” He nods.

“See. Already have something in common.” You chuckle a bit, biting onto your bottom lip. “How long are you here for?”

“I’ve been here for close to two weeks. I’m heading back tomorrow morning.”

“Shame.” He does a slight head tilt. “We probably could have had fun exploring together.” You cock an eyebrow up before letting out a giggle.

“You think I’d be fun to explore with? A stranger?”  Hyunjin grabs his shot glass while gently pushing yours over to you.

“I mean, you were down to take a shot with me. Why wouldn’t you be?” He raises his shot glass. “Cheers, Y/N.” You take your shot glass and tap it against his, the both of you taking the shot to the neck. Hyunjin makes a face [that probably mirrors yours right now] before sipping on a soda as chase. You squint your eyes as the burn lingers down your throat, immediately reaching for your cocktail to chase the rest down— which is definitely not the best choice of action here.

But, you’re enjoying the night. The last night. 

With a beautiful, beautiful man next to you.

“Atta girl.” He laughs.

“Haven’t done that in awhile.”

“Feels kinda liberating in a sense, hm?” He teases. “Since I’m working with a deadline here, let’s get another round going while you tell me about yourself.”

“Another?”

“Last. Promise.” He winks.

“Hm.” You hum. “What can I tell you?” You ask, even though you mainly mean that question for yourself. What can you tell Hyunjin that is enough, and not too much?

“Why someone like you doesn’t have anyone by your side tonight?” He shrugs. “Or, anything. Everything, really. That works, too.” Hyunjin runs his finger along his bottom lip.

“Someone like me? Are you always this forward?” You tilt your head, already starting to feel the shot and cocktail. You like the way his eyes are glued on you, you like the way he says your name. You like the way he’s being forward, you like the way he looks tonight. You like him, you take interest in him.

He is exciting.

“No, but it’s the deadline.” He reminds you, making you snort.

“Well. It’s because I just don’t have anyone by my side in general.” You answer his question with a chuckle. “Just a 24 year old in tech, visiting their Paris office for another project.” You swirl the stirrer in your cocktail. “What about you? What brings you here?”

“Just a 23 year old dabbling in some art stuff. Some Fashion stuff.” He laughs, red tint coloring the surface of his cheeks just as the bartender brings another round of tequila shots. “Nothing too fancy.”

‘It sounds fancy.”

“Maybe, maybe not.” He answers with another one of his cryptic responses, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Ready for round two?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” You mock him and he laughs, passing your shot glass.

“Cute.” He taps his shot glass against yours, giving you a nod of acknowledgment before you two are repeating the process— knocking the shot back, relieving the burn with some sort of chase, giggling at how quick the alcohol is hitting you both. You are drunk, and you should’ve eaten a bit more before this. Fuck. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“If you couldn’t tell already, I think you’re really, really pretty.”

“Is that so?” He nods cutely, and it makes you laugh.

“Mhm. So I mean it when I say I wanna know all about you.”

“You don’t give up, do you?” He shakes his head.

“Nah.” He smiles, bottom lip in between his teeth as he eyes your features. “So, what is Y/N all about?” He sits back a bit while his gaze lingers on you, your eyes. The tip of your nose. Your lips. Your long, beautiful lashes.

He is paying attention to every word that slips from your lips, watching your hand gestures as you quickly explain your family dynamics and how you’ve grown up in a quiet household— always remaining quiet, shy and kept to yourself even until this day. You tell him about your friends back home, how you love to stay at home and be a homebody, how you occasionally find the energy to haul yourself out for long, but fun nights with your girls. You also [drunkenly] stumble upon the topic of exes, which you don’t normally open up about right away. But you’re a few shots in, and it doesn’t help that Hyunjin is actually showing interest in you.

He hasn’t taken his eyes off of you, and he doesn’t plan to.

“Yeah, we’re not really friends or anything like that anymore.” You blabber on. “He blocked me everywhere. Which, you know—” You hiccup, a bit more drunk than you were 5 minutes ago. “I kinda don’t care because he shouldn’t be asking to look through my phone every time I go out. I fucking left after that. No sir, not me. No thanks.” Hyunjin laughs, endeared by how quick you’ve opened up to him. He appreciates it, and he does enjoy the way you talk about life; even if you may view it as simple, quiet.

“You’re right for having left him.” Hyunjin leans forward a bit. “It’s not fair, especially when you’ve never given him a reason to distrust you. You deserve better than that.”

“You think so?” You chuckle.

“Mhm.” 

“Sorry, I totally went off and probably told you a lot more than you should know at this point.” He shakes his head. “What about you, Hyunjin?”

“No, I like hearing you talk. You’re very cute.” He laughs. “I’m not that interesting.”

“Really? I think you are.” You rest your chin on the palm of your hand.

“Yeah?” He smirks. “I just paint. A lot. I do some photoshoots. That’s all.”

“So are you like .. an artist, or something? A model?” He shrugs.

“I’m just Hyunjin.” He smiles. “But, I guess so? You can say that. I don’t have lots of friends, people oddly find me intimidating but I don’t care much to fix that either. I do stick to a few of them, we hang out often. I haven’t dated in awhile either, wasn’t really a priority for me.”

“Why did your last relationship end?” You internally curse yourself for fixing on that one detail out of everything else he’s mentioned. But, he doesn’t seem to mind. Spoiler: he doesn’t.

“Just didn’t click well like we thought we would.”

“I’m sorry.” He smiles.

“Don’t be. I like where I’m at.” 

“That’s all that matters, right?”

“Yeah. Especially right now.” You cock a brow up, head tilting to the side again.

“Right now?”

“Mhm, with you. A few shots and drinks down, pondering on life. My kinda evening. Makes me not regret a thing about coming here.”

“You’re funny.” 

“And you’re pretty.” He licks his bottom lip and bites onto it. His hand is only a few inches away from yours, pinky dying to reach out and pull your hand into his— wanting to playfully lace his fingers with yours. He’s not sure what it is, but he was drawn to you from the very moment he stepped into the bar. He smiled a bit to himself when he saw you people-watching, keeping to yourself as you sipped your drink and continued to scroll through your phone. You were totally oblivious to him from the beginning, and that was okay. Hyunjin wanted to quietly slip himself into the equation and find more subtle ways to talk to you, get to know you.

And he doesn’t regret a fucking thing.

He might be drunk, but he means it. He hasn’t ever felt this comfortable with a stranger, someone he met not too long ago. And that says a lot for him; it says a lot about you, your character. Meanwhile, you don’t think you’ll ever understand how someone like Hyunjin decided to waltz in and take this seat next to you at the time that he did. You’ll never understand the timing of everything, how the universe works and why it had to be a beautiful man like Hyunjin who found you first. But, you also don’t regret a damn thing, and you’re glad you decided to head to the bar tonight— especially alone.

When you meet Hyunjin’s eyes, it’s obvious that he’s feeling something— but that’s not the problem, no. You’re dying to find out what it means for the both of you tonight, how he plans to show you. Because you know he will, and that’s where the problem lies. What happens after that? When you both go along your merry ways?

“You know.. I think I’m just gonna call it a night soon.” You want to find out, but you don’t know if it’ll be good for you.

“Yeah?” You stand but find yourself stumbling on your own feet, letting out a laugh when you try to grab your things and keep yourself together. “Woah, pretty lady.” Hyunjin laughs with you. “How about I walk you to your room?” You pause. Fuck it.

“Okay, yeah. That’d be nice.”

“Alright, let me just pay for our tab—” He gives the bartender a look and gestures to close out the tab, his card already in his hand.

“What, no! Hyunjin.” You wrestle with your own wallet. “Let me pay for my own drinks.”

“Nah, I got you. On me.” He smiles sweetly. “Please.” You let out a sigh and surrender, letting him pay for the drinks before he stands and slips his card back into his wallet.

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you. For being good company.” He gives you a toothless smile. “So, where to?”

“10th floor?”

“After you.” He bids the bartender one last farewell before following you out of the bar and out into the hotel lobby. His eyes can’t help but linger down your figure; eyeing that tight, itty bitty off-the-shoulder dress and the way it hugs your curves, black over-the-knee boots hugging your legs nicely. 

Ain’t no way you were just planning on sitting at the bar looking that fine.

“Hyunjin?” You call for him as you both stand in front of the elevator doors, and he’s snapped out of his thoughts. “You don’t actually have to walk me. I can make it in one piece.” You giggle.

“Leave you alone while drunk? I don’t think so.” He chuckles.

“Hm.” You hum, eyes fixed on the elevator doors in front of you. Hyunjin stands right behind you— inches away, just close enough to feel the heat radiate from his body. When the elevator dings, Hyunjin gently presses his hand against the small of your back; pushing you forward into the elevator. The touch itself brings tingles down your spine, enough where it has you struggling to keep your composure. You lean against the back railing, while Hyunjin stands next to you— hand resting on the rail as he faces your direction. Your eyes meet his, and you feel yourself get weak in the knees;

So weak that your phone slips out of your hands, making a loud thud against the floor.

“Oops, shit.” You mutter.

“I got it.” Hyunjin laughs, bending down to grab your phone. You can’t help but watch his every move closely, watching as he bends down, large hand grabbing at your phone. He’s way too close to your legs at one point, and your mind wanders to what it would be like if he were in between— “Think that belongs to you, miss.” He teases, standing tall as he hands you your phone. “You sure you’re good?”

“I am.” Except, not. Because the elevator is ten times hotter than it was earlier, and it seems to be taking its sweet ol’ time getting to your floor. The tension is unreal.

“What’s on your mind?”

“What do you mean?”

“I can hear you thinking.”

“Mmm, I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean?” You pause as you look at him.

“I mean, has anyone ever told you how attractive you are?” You blurt out, alcohol definitely giving you that liquid courage to say anything and everything that’s currently running through your mind. “You just.. look like that.” He laughs.

“I could say the same for you, pretty. Trust me.” He leans forward towards your ear a bit, his scent lingering and trapping you in. “You wanna know something else?”

“Hm?”

“You make it very hard to not wanna kiss you.” He pulls back a bit to read your expression— almost like he’s giving you leverage to take it and run with it, or leave it. Everything in your court.

So, you choose.

And you choose by gently grabbing at his sweater, planting your lips on his for that first, initial kiss. His lips are soft and pillowy, just like you imagined. You only pull away a few inches, eyes darting from Hyunjin’s eyes, to his lips, back up to his eyes. He chases after your lips within the next minute, hand coming up to cup you by the neck; thumb caressing your cheek. At this point, you’re stuck to Hyunjin— lips seemingly not wanting to part from his. And you’re loving every bit of it so, so much. 

You’re loving every bit of it so much that you don’t even care when the elevator takes a stop, doors sliding open for the man who was patiently waiting on the other side. He eyes the both of you before keeping his distance, positioning himself closer to the doors while scrolling through his phone. Hyunjin lets out a soft sigh in between kisses, completely wrapped up in your scent, your touch— you.

You’ve barely met, but right now, it feels like the world is at a stop; like it’s just you and Hyunjin at this moment in time. You’ll never understand it.

“Fuck.” He whispers against your lips before moving near your ear. “You’re driving me crazy.” He plants a soft kiss on your cheek before navigating back down to your lips. His other hand comes to your thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze before his finger teases the edge of your dress— Hyunjin keeping the kiss alive with your hands still gripping at his sweater. His hand travels around to give your ass a quick squeeze before pressing you flush against him; to be close to him, to feel him.

And god, do you feel him.

He takes this moment to tug on your bottom lip, making you let out a sigh. The man who stepped into the elevator is now a long-gone thought, no longer caring about his presence or the fact that he’s a mere couple of steps away from you two. But finally, the elevator dings again and flashes a bright ‘10’ on the screen. Hyunjin quickly pulls away to check the current floor before slipping his hand into yours and leading the way out of the elevator. As soon as the doors close, the both of you erupt in a fit of giggles while leading the way down the hallway to your room. As you fiddle with your bag and try to fish for your hotel keycard, Hyunjin plants feathery kisses along your neck, down to your shoulder— his fingers still teasing the edge of your dress.

“Finally.” You pout, making Hyunjin laugh before placing another kiss near your jaw. As soon as you step inside the room, you toss your bag aside and wrap your arms around Hyunjin’s neck, legs around his waist. He carries you deeper into the room, setting you down on the edge of the bed to continue kissing you. In between kisses, he works his way with your boots; gently sliding the zipper down before tossing one boot off to the side, then the next.

“This dress.” He gently pushes you down on the bed before peppering kisses along your thighs. “So perfect on you.” He nibbles on your inner thighs, then soothes the surface with his lips. “Can’t believe no one was trying to snatch you up.”

“Maybe it’s just meant to be, hm?” You tease with a playful tone. Hyunjin pauses and looks at you, a smile teasing at the corner of his lips before he comes down and presses another sweet kiss to your lips.

“Maybe I’m just lucky after all.” You feel his hand fiddling with the edge of your dress again, slowly dipping further. “You know, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can totally—” A kiss. “Just hang out and talk more—” Another kiss. 

“Hanging out and talking more—” Kiss. “Sounds good to me.”

“Mhm.” He pulls away and looks at you, really looks at you, before brushing the hair away from your face. “I mean it. I don’t normally do things like this. I just— I don’t know.” He chuckles a bit. “I’ve been drawn to you since I walked into that bar.” It’s your turn to look at him, really look at him, and you do nothing but pull him back to your lips.

“Please keep going.” Is all you manage to say. Because you are also drawn to him, and you’ll never understand it.

But right now, you don’t want to try and understand it. You just want to take this moment for what it is, for everything that it is.

The intensity grows during the heated kiss, and Hyunjin is back to slotting himself in between your thighs, dress now pushed up.

“Can I?” He asks, and you nod— giving him full permission to remove your panties and toss them off to the side; feet propped up on the bed to give Hyunjin the best view. He doesn’t waste any time before he’s running his thumb down your slit, sliding two fingers in just to get a feel for you. He bites onto his bottom lip, reveling in the soft moans you’re letting out. “So wet for me.” He says before licking a stripe upwards, feeling your legs slightly jolt at the sensation. “Gonna take care of you.” He reassures you by running a hand up your thigh and gently squeezing it. He laps at your folds, sucking gently at the sensitive nub before repeating his motions and pumping his digits into you at a set pace. 

“My god.” You whimper, hands resting on Hyunjin’s head. A gasp falls from your slips when Hyunjin removes his fingers and spits on your pussy, tongue spreading your wetness all over. You continue to grind against his mouth, picking up the pace when you feel yourself reaching your peak. The way he was taking care of you was heaven sent; incredibly heaven sent that with just another roll or two, Hyunjin manages to push you over the edge. “Oh— yes!” You blurt out as you come undone, your entire body going limp while catching stars.

Hyunjin soothes you through small pecks on your thighs, through gentle squeezes of the hips. He stands and hovers over you, giving you a taste of yourself when he leans in for a kiss— holding the kiss there momentarily. When you part, he watches as you take his hand, tongue circling around the two fingers that were just inside of you. He swears he almost loses himself at that moment, but he manages to keep himself together. Hyunjin moves you up on the bed, making sure you’re comfortable in between the tiny kisses he plants all over your body.

Chest.

Hands, fingers.

Collarbone, neck.

Lips.

He’s stripping you of your dress, just as you help him out of his sweater, his slacks. His eyes widen when he pops off your strapless bra, letting out a shaky breath before taking a nipple into his mouth— tongue working in circular motions and pulling back with a pop. You arch your back slightly and let out a moan, Hyunjin taking this opportunity to move onto the next bud and repeating the motion on it. You tease at the waistband of his boxers before he wrestles himself out of them; dick painfully hard and springing free. He lets out a moan when he feels your hand wrap around his member, pumping him a few times and watching the pre-cum leak from his tip.

“Need you.” He breathily moans. “Need you now, pretty.”

“Here.” You pause, grabbing the single condom from your bag on the nightstand. Hyunjin leans back on his ankles, laughing at the box you’ve handed over.

“So, why do you have this?” He smirks as he rips the condom open and begins to slide it down his length.

“Quit. My bestfriend shoved it in my bag as a ‘just in case.’”

“Tell them I said thank you.” You giggle.

“Shut up.” Hyunjin bites his lip before diving in for another kiss. Even as he breaks the kiss, his lips continue to graze yours as he lines himself up at your entrance— eyes glued to yours as he slips himself in slowly. He watches your eyes roll back and shut close, back arching; a silent moan leaving your lips. He continues to push, and push, until he bottoms out and lets out a shaky breath; giving himself a moment to adjust and keep his composure.

God, you feel good around him.

“Fuuuuck.” He moans. “Feels too good. So perfect.” He begins to slowly pick up the pace, hearing your slickness make those noises beneath him that drive him insane. You grip onto his chiseled biceps, pretty white polished nails digging into the surface of his skin. At this point, Hyunjin has found the perfect rhythm— sinking into you every thrust, feeling every inch, every delicate point that he can touch. 

Deeply.

“Hyunjin, god. Please.” You whine and beg continuously, calling his name as he continues to pound into you relentlessly. The only sounds in the room are the sounds of skin against skin, wet kisses being exchanged in between and your names bouncing off of the walls.

“I got you.” Hyunjin feels you squeezing him, and it’s taking everything within him not to burst. He takes a hand to your neck and gives it a gentle squeeze, watching your tits bounce with every thrust he gives.

And he gives it all. 

He sits back for a moment when he sees you starting to move your hips and ride against his movements. Another moan slips from his lips when he watches you roll your hips and work him from beneath, hissing when you speed it up. 

“Such a good girl.” He says. Your moans become a little sharper, a little louder, Hyunjin now taking his thumb to your clit to relieve some of the tension. You begin to whimper, your nails digging a little deeper, and Hyunjin can feel your walls starting to cave. He continues his work on your clit before he's back to fucking you senselessly into the mattress. 

“Right there— Hyunjin—” Your words are broken as you try to chase your high. “Close—” 

“That’s it, pretty.” He says, praising you and egging you to tip over the edge. It takes a few more before Hyunjin sees your face contort in pleasure, back arching just as you tremble underneath him. “Shit, that’s it.” He repeats, feeling your walls pulse against him. He feels himself getting close to his own climax, so he quickly pulls out and has you flip over— face down, ass up. He wastes no time slipping himself back in, continuing at the pace he was just at even though you were still trying to recover from your last orgasm. Though a bit sensitive, the pleasure rebuilds quickly, and you’re back to begging Hyunjin to go harder.

Faster.

Which, he gladly does. He gives your ass a good smack, leaving his print while letting out a groan and gripping your hips. He calls your name, praising you for how good you’ve been to him tonight and how lucky he is. 

“Y/N, fuck— gonna cum.” He breathes out, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he feels his coil threatening to snap. Sooner or later, a beautiful, melodic moan slips from his lips, his hands digging crescents into your hips as he falls onto you and fills up the condom. “You okay, pretty?” He presses a soft kiss on your back, your right shoulder.

“Mhm.” He removes himself from you, the both of you letting out soft sighs at the feeling. Hyunjin tosses the condom in the trash before racing off to the bathroom.

“Let me get you cleaned up.” He says as he grabs for one of your wipes sitting in the bathroom, cleaning you up before himself. You shyly head to the bathroom to finish up and change into something more comfortable— slipping into the covers while Hyunjin throws on his boxers. You’re not really sure what’s next, and to be honest, you’re a little unsure of how to navigate this whole one-night-stand thing.

Because of course you’ll have to. You leave tomorrow. This is the first and last time you’ll see Hyunjin.

It makes you a bit sad, for whatever reason.

“I-I hope you know you aren’t obligated to stay, I know you must wanna go back to your room—” He laughs a bit and turns to you.

“How about I stay until you fall asleep, hm? That sound okay with you?” Yes, yes it does. You want him here, and you want to cherish every last bit of this tender, intimate moment that you’ve shared with someone you connected with hours ago.

“Okay.” He slips himself in, comfortable in his boxer briefs and nothing else. You find this to be the cherry on top; the way Hyunjin pulls you in and allows you to lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat beneath you, the way he lazily throws an arm over you but keeps you close, the way that he just lets you be.

Hyunjin is connected to you. He is drawn to you.

The combination of the alcohol and exhaustion is now pushing you to fall asleep quickly in Hyunjin’s arms. He manages to close his eyes, afraid to move you or wake you— wanting you to get the best sleep possible before your flight tomorrow. You’ll never understand this. But tonight, you won’t try to. Because you’ll take this for what it is, for everything that it is.

You are connected to Hyunjin. You are drawn to him.

Hyunjin wakes up and finds your side of the bed cold, empty. Which tugs a bit on his heart, but he knew this is what it would come to— being it was your last night, and the two of you lived on opposite ends of the world. He honestly didn’t mean to stay last night, but he couldn’t help himself after seeing how peacefully you were sleeping. He’s not sure he understands it well enough, but he still feels drawn to you; even now, as you board your plane and take your seat in business class. He finds a tiny note on the nightstand with your name and number, and he smiles to himself— making sure to keep the note safe.

Hyunjin keeps the note safe for awhile. Safe to the point where he doesn’t do much with it besides look at the number every now and then before tucking it back into his wallet. He can’t find the courage to text you, call you, because he’s not sure what is left of you two after that night. What would he do from Seoul? What would you do from California?

It’s unfortunate, and Hyunjin really hates it. He’s not sure when he’ll use this. And of course, over time, you’ve wondered what you did, or why Hyunjin didn’t make use of your number. Though, part of you understood where he was coming from. So, you eventually learn to let it be.

Maybe there wasn’t a use for it, for all of this. 

Maybe it was supposed to be a one-night thing, a memorable, one-night thing. A one-night thing that you keep for the memories, a one-night thing that you keep close to your heart– Hyunjin.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Hyunjin keeps the note safe for a while. Safe to the point where he doesn’t do much with it besides look at the number every now and then before tucking it back into his wallet.

Until months later, Hyunjin finds himself thinking about your note just as he steps onto the concrete floor and takes in the fresh air—

Eyes shifting to the California sunrise ahead of him.

—perm taglist: @ppiri-bahng @jihanlovic @meloncremesoda @sweetlikecherry @asjkdk

[bedoballoons]

could i have zhongli, kaeya and venti with a reader who calls them terrible names.

but it isnt real, its like some sort of nightmare?? you can add more people if you want.

Oooooo I love this idea! They ended up being pretty long so I just kept to the three characters you chose! I hope you enjoyed and thank you so much for your request!! <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Genshin Men Headcanons:

~They have nightmares about you~

CW: Mentions of murder, Mention of a kn*fe c*tting skin but no description of it, slight description of suffocating!, Angst, Calling cruel names, and Nightmares!

(Includes: Zhongli, Kaeya, and Venti!)

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Zhongli:

Zhongli held his spear tightly in his hands, so tightly his knuckles were turning a lighter colour and as he looked at you...it felt like his whole world was falling apart. How were you here...the archon war was long ago before you two even knew eachother and yet somehow there you were, horror filling your eyes as you stared at him. He'd done so many terrible things...taken the lives of many...wether for self defense or not...he'd still taken them.

"Murderer!"

You shouted at him, the words filled with spite and meant to be as hurtful as possible. The second the name hit his ears...it was like his heart had experienced a earthquake and it cracked in two, this couldnt be real...no it couldn't be! He couldn't let this happen, he loved you to much to loose you because of his past, he attempted to shout back at you... apologize for everything but no words could leave him.It was like he'd lost the ability to talk the second he lost you, he reached out attempting to grasp your hand but you started to fade away.

"NO!"

He screamed, sitting up and frantically looking around the room...just to find that he was back in bed...with you. The archon war...was still in the past and as you attempted to ask him if he was okay, he realized you still loved him...he wasn't a murderer in your eyes. He silently wished on the stars above for it to always stay that way, before softly saying, "I'm alright...I just...am glad to have you and I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to love you.."

Kaeya:

Kaeya felt dizzy, his head spinning and his skin paler than it ever should have been, he felt like he was dying...but there you were, his beacon of hope as the darkness started to crawl towards him. He didn't understand what was happening but as he looked behind him, the black inky tendrils of whatever was making its way towards him getting closer he decided it didn't matter.

He attempted to take a step in your direction, but his body felt heavily, it was like he had cement bricks tied to the soles of his shoes and no matter how hard he tried...he couldn't move. "Help!" He shouted to you...your eyes meeting his as you looked at him like he was the most disgusting thing on the planet...a worthless insect you couldn't care less about.

"Everyone you've ever loved...has died because of you...or now despises you and you ask for my help. Pathetic."

The breath he had was knocked out of him, his love stripped away...so quickly and he could do nothing about it, the darkness surrounding him as tears filled his eyes.

Then suddenly he was in your room, sitting upright in your bed, a light sheen of cold sweat on his body and his breathing erratic. His attention instantly snapping to you as you slept soundly...it wasn't real, thank the archons above it wasn't real! He sighed in relief, leaning down to place a soft kiss on your forehead, it would be awhile till he fell back to sleep but he was just thankful it had all been...a nightmare.

Venti:

Venti looked up at the sky, but he couldn't see a thing...it was pitch black with smoke and the air was so thick...he could barely breath. Flickers of glowing crimson ash floating around him, where was he...how could he leave? He attempted to clear a path through the darkness using the wind, but to no avail, he was completely stuck and it made him feel scared, what should he do...

His eyes searched frantically around for any other sign of life, panick filling his being and then as if you were a angel sent from above, you appeared in front of him. Any negative feelings where gone as soon as he saw you, without a second thought he ran to you, wanting so badly to capture you in a tight hug and maybe cry a little out of relief.

But...as soon as he got close to you, you shoved him away...so roughly he flew backwards, landing with a harsh thud onto the barren ground. He looked up at you with tears welling in his eyes, his hands shaking because he was so upset and his heart stinging with betrayal. Never had you shoved him away like that...and especially not at time like this when he had clearly been in a dangerous situation. Why the sudden change?!? What had he done?!?

He opened his mouth to ask, but you were quick to shut him up, "Don't. Your words mean nothing anymore, they are as weak in feeling as you are as a archon. Honestly how can you even be considered a god...when you get so upset at the slightest inconvenience? You're nothing but a weakling and a waste of space." You're voice was sharp, like a knife cutting into him and shredding his heart into a shadow of what it originally was, how could this have happened...

The air was now completely unbreathable, his throat closing as he attempted to choke out words, but none of it was understandable and even if it was.. you were already walking away. He could feel himself loosing consciousness and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it...his body shutting down as he weakly reached in your direction.

He rolled over and it was like he'd been knocked right out of that dimension...his body suddenly colliding with the cold wood floor of your bedroom. Your eyes shot open, the loud noise of him tumbling off the bed jump scaring you awake. It took you both a moment to understand what had just happened and when it finally clicked you got out of bed, making your way to his side and kneeling in front him...the look on his face making your heart hurt.

"Are you okay? You look upset and you're shivering...what happened?"

"I'm alright...it was just a....nightmare..."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

✿Hope you enjoyed~✿

[disappointingcabbage]

The Dragon Prince Season 6 Episode 8 live reaction, spoilers under the cut!!

This episode title (We All Fall Down) scares me tbh

The dramatic shot of a jelly tart falling to the ground as Sol Regem flies overhead is exactly what I expected from this show in the best way possible

Oh shit he’s attacking Katolis castle

Oh fuck the only people guarding the pear are Soren and Opeli and they don’t know that it’s the real one and not the decoy this is very Not Good

Oh and neither of them have even seen sol regem before so they don’t even know what the fuck his deal is

This episode really shows how absolutely terrifying dragons can be

Oh fuck Soren got Jason Grace’d (hit in the head by a brick)

Soren going “fuck this let’s just evacuate” is such a smart decision

“Take good care of hat” sounds very self-sacrificial Soren I don’t like how this sounds

“The spell requires a human heart” Soren no

SOREN NO

I think Viren is using his own heart. Fitting end to his redemption tbh

How fucking dare this show make me feel sad about this asshole’s death

Well, he’s dead for real this time. Third time’s a charm I guess.

I’m assuming since Pharos has the shadowbeast corruption he now works for aaravos probably and so his end goal of attacking Katolis castle with Sol Regem is to get the pearl, right?

Oh fuck seeing Viren dead is gonna be the thing that makes Claudia free Aaravos FUCK HE DIED TOO EARLY

Aaravos why are you bowing dramatically to Sol Regem he can’t see you

The fuck does Anak Arow mean?

Oh fuck that’s a cruel truth to dump on a dying dragon

The TMA brainrot is real because I literally just went okay Aaravos and Elias Bouchard would get along really well

Well, RIP Sol Regem I guess. I never liked him but damn that’s a brutal way to go.

Oh poor Claudia. This is a phenomenal vocal performance. Also damn this is really dark for a kids’ show

shut the FUCK up Aaravos get out of her head

Lujanne I cannot emphasize enough that the romance drama here isn’t the point

LUJANNE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

are the quasar diamonds fake????

“Are you still willing to help me, Claudia?” “… her DAD just DIED!” Terry out here saying what we were all thinking

Oh Aaravos wants to Frankenstein this shit with all 6 primal sources

Good luck getting the quasar diamond Claudia, Callum and Rayla have all three

wait WHAT

One of the ones in the crown are fake

Ah fuck, Rayla can only summon 2 out of her 3 coined parents

LMAO CLAUDIA’S DEMON SUMMONING RITUAL DIDNT WORK LFG

TUMBLR DOT COM STOP SUGGESTING MAGNUS PROTOCOL TAGS THIS ISNT ABOUT THAT

[unicornsaures]

talk. about whatever’s on your mind. aaaanything and everything just in case u needed an invitation to yap today 😻😻

taking this as a excuse to have a yap session about my nonhuman aus because there are SO. many things that are included for very specific reasons(mainly elf laurens cause its my main nonhuman au, but the divinity AU isnt exempt from secret meanings either >:3c) but i just never elaborate on any deeper meanings because technically theyre supposed to be up for interpretation but screw that things are included for very. very specific reasons

OKAY STARTING WITH ELF LAURENS !! Im starting off with his design itself because while its not necessarily a secret, his markings are extremely important to the story because obviously its a massive focus with the whole insecurity thing and attempting to scratch them off so!! In his early design it isnt included, but theres two things i added to either foreshadow things or that make more sense because certain things previously didnt have reasoning. For starters, his voice! I make it *very* clear that Laurens absolutely hates his voice - yknow, with that high pitched nonhuman growl? Theres a reason for that! In my AU, elves arent supposed to have markings on their throat; it fucks with their vocal chords. Yknow who does have a marking on their throat? Thats right, John does! So not only does he have 'two' voices, he also has a big reminder of that just straight in the middle of his throat - so rven if he didnt talk people would know why. Then theres the dots on his head. Thats foreshadowing. Cant tell you what its foreshadowing, but take that information how you will.

Also would like to elaborate on his relationship with Kinloch in the fic because no, Kinloch is not evil or bad or abusive. I try and make it clear that their relationship isnt necessarily healthy, but thats also not Kinloch's fault either way. Its Johns own inability to stabilize his emotions surrounding someone he cares about(ex. begging him to run away with him - when rejected, he runs away himself.) This is a massive mischaracterization of Laurens on my part but like I said in the fic itself, its just me projecting for 4k words. Oh, and he gets that scar on his lip when he's 20 in what i call a 'drinking accident.' Dont ask me to elaborate on that either, John is just a reckless drunk.

Obviously theres the whole art thing, but i think its pretty self explanatory on why hes drawing. I think i stated explicitly it was a coping device but if not i think thats obvious but i never elaborated on his medium of choice; graphite :3!! Its messy. Thats it. He uses the powdered graphite, which i think he would find it was a representation of process rather than product. The point of using graphite is the limited choice of color that only leaves an artist with shades. It also just goes with the theme of his art because idk, hes out here drawing the idea and/or image of death itself in a way its gorey but also gorgeous, so take that as you will.

Also I have had many yap sessions on why exactly John draws the gorey and grotesque but ill save you on insane details and simplify it down to; after his mothers death, he was naturally drawn to the beauty found within something so vile and horrifying.

Okay ive talked all too long aboute the elf laurens thing, so now the divinity AU! There isnt much meaning inside of this other than the very very clear toxic relationship between Alex and John; but its toxic for a reason. As dysfunctional as they may be, they are better of together than apart. Like mentioned in the fic itself, Alex was cruel to his devotees and followers before John came along. I wont go into specifics or anything, he was just cruel. John, on the other hand, was also cruel. Thats why hes a fallen angel, obviously. He fell due to others actions but the reason he followed this other person in the first place is because they were holding something he did over his head, threatening to tell higher deity's and whatnot. But instead, John is a fucking idiot and ended up doing what this person wanted which ultimately ended up in him falling and losing everything. Obviously, this leaves someone scarred because ill just say it, in this AU at least, falling from wherever they may be is not a painless experience.

In turn, he hasn't physically fallen anywhere, but there are physical signs and overall, you can tell by how they act. So, upon finding Alexander - a god, basically - the only other purpose he has in life is to peldge devotion to someone. Hes basically shunned from other angels, and so finding a deity to pledge devotion to is the only thing he can do. Their relationship is not at all healthy. Ive described it as a worshiped/worshiper dynamic because thats what it is. No matter if Alex views John as an equal, Laurens will always view alex as a higher being than he is and in short its a massive power imbalance with how willing John is to bend over backwards for him(ex. ripping off his wings ! Never happens, alex wont physically let him, but like i said, John is willing.) The only reason I say that they should stay together is that other deity's wouldnt stop him from doing this kind of thing. 'Offering your wings to prove your devotion? Yeah, hand em over.' is basically what would happen and it would be 10x more of a corrupted relationship than john and alex have. Alex keeps him in line basically, and John worships him like..well, like the god he is i guess.

Again, this AU is me majorly projecting so take it as you will. But Alex is also completely unaware to why John is a fallen angel anyway. Even being a god, he cant just see peoples sins. He only knows when someone has sinned.

"A shame Alexander may not know his transgressions, he’s sure he couldn't have done much wrong with how much of a pleasure he’s been."

Pulling out the quotes for this story because i personally think its just easier to explain things if its been read.

AND THE BIGGEST THING!!

John nods absentmindedly, leaning into the heat of his palms that make his face contort in a painful type of love.

Its mentioned a few times, but being touched by Alex at all brings physical pain. Mostly because he's not supposed to be touched by a higher being while being a fallen angel, but it also has something to do with the fact he 'swore on his ability to love to prove his devotion.' In short, John didnt think he had the ability to love, much less deserve it. So, being touched by one he fell for brings him physical pain because he shouldnt be supposed to! The love he spoke of when he exempted Alex from this was love a devotee has for their god, not love like as romantic love. Obviously, in a way, he broke his own promise. This is also why the pain goes away after alexander admits he loves him because at that point, 'his god' basically just excused the fact he broke his pledge by announcing any feelings he may have are returned. So yeah! Thats fun.

Anyway, that was my yap session. I talked for way too long uhm..oops! Im not normal about nonhumans :(

[slocumjoe]

I always thought it was weird that Hancock's drug addiction (or at least dependency) was never addressed.

And honestly I just look to fanon to finish Danse's character arc and I forget that isnt canon

Although why do you say that Cait's backstory was fetishized? And why was Nick Valentine's quest messed up?

YOU FOOL, YOU'VE OPENED A DOOR YOU CANNOT CLOSE

I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR...

THE CAIT BREAKDOWN

(TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR S/A, ADDICTION, AND ABUSE)

Firstly, some ground rules. This is directed at a Certain Kind of Contrarian, the kind of person who thinks characters are free-thinking entities with free will, who seemingly thinks they pop up fully formed out of the ground with no liberties taken by a writer. I need to preface this because these people always show up when discussing these kinds of characters.

We need to look at Cait in a Doyist lens. She is not a real person. Everything she does and went through was decided by her creators. It is a waste of time to justify something by saying well, this happens in real life, people go through this, people do this, because those actions and people are real. Cait is based in reality, but she herself is a puppet being pulled around with other puppets.

It can be viable to consider Cait in a Watsonian lens, but ultimately, we won't get anywhere picking her apart like that. Doing so would be taking her at face value, when Cait has a lot more going on behind the curtains. The Person and the Character Cait is, they're very different. One is a Person, the other is what decides that Person's personality, history, everything. Character comes first. You cannot defend Character by pointing at Person and saying that the Person exists in a world where anything is possible. Character comes first. Yes, Person exists, but Character defines it, and with Cait, we are discussing her Character.

We need to talk about the decisions made about Cait's Character, 'cause oh boy, ol' Beth really made some, didn't they?

FUCK UP 1: BETHESDA DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE ADDICTION

Cait's Psycho use starts after killing her parents, and at some point, she becomes addicted. Later, as it starts negatively affecting her, even causing her cough up blood, she no longer views it as worth the high. Why did Cait start using, though?

Well, look at everything she had gone through. We'll get to how poorly her backstory itself is handled, and how lackadaisically Bethesda throws various traumas at her with all the grace and care of a small child throwing rocks at cars on the highway, but for now, we're focusing on the Psycho use.

Cait uses to cope with her trauma, that much is obvious. That's usually why characters and IRL people turn to substances. The issue here is how Bethesda treats both the use, and the...fuck, is it fair to call that fucking chair recovery?

The chair. That Fucking Chair.

I wanted an option to say nope, we're not doing this to you, we're leaving. But...no. The actual solution to Cait's 20+ years of trauma was to lock her in an interrogation chair and have her tortured for a few minutes.

Okay. Let's discuss this.

Cait used Psycho seemingly as a way to both punish herself and never think about the shit she went through. Psycho makes the user aggressive, so it stands to reason, also cruel and capable of using that aggression. Perhaps Psycho influenced her feelings at any moment, allowing her to not care about killing her parents, or about her slavery. Either way, Cait is already being hurt, and it very much is self-harm.

So, the solution, the thing to help Cait, get her on the first step to recovery from both her trauma and her addiction, is to hurt her. Punish her. It very much reads like punishment, you are locked into a chair. She sits there whimpering in pain. Now, this makes sense for Vault Tec and their experiment with this vault.

But...as the end of Cait's arc?

We're getting into some potentially controversial territory, but...it's proven, time and time again, that compassion and sufficient resources are the best, and pretty much the only, way for an addict to recover. It isn't enough to just stop using, get off it. You have to address the circumstances that lead to the addiction. Yes, some people will choose not to stop using, they'll choose to remain addicted and never attempt to get help for their issues. But that doesn't mean the ones who want to shouldn't get the opportunity. And those opportunities need to be compassionate.

A TORTURE CHAIR IS NOT COMPASSIONATE.

It reads as a scare tactic. Don't do drugs, kiddies, or else you'll get so bad, you'll have to be locked into a chair and get tubes and needles attached to you, and be tortured for a few minutes. Jesus H Christ.

You know what makes this even worse? The blatant condemnation and mockery of actual recovery. The AA meeting in the overseer's room, in that vault? Bethesda makes a joke of it! Cait calls it bullshit! Motherfucker, AA meetings are one of, if not the, most effective ways to keep someone off a substance! It gives people a community, an echo chamber reminding them how bad their circumstances were and how much better they are without their substance. AA meetings are crucial for addicts, and Bethesda mocks it, criticizes it as stupid, and then portrays torture as the solution. They do this with their addicted character. You are supposed hear Cait call it stupid, ineffective, a waste of time. That is so fucking irresponsible.

Here's the obvious answer as to how Cait's addiction should have been handled; Cait herself either mentions wanting to come off it, or the Sole Survivor intervenes and suggests she stop using. From there, the Sole Survivor acts as a sponsor, or just a friend keeping an eye on her. Y'know, how substance recovery actually works?

Yes, it's not that easy IRL, and it doesn't have to be in game, she can relapse, even. But whatever happens, you cannot address a trauma-based drug addiction with more trauma being the cure. Holy shit, dude.

FUCK UP 2: BETHESDA STUCK EVERY TRAUMA TAIL ON THIS DONKEY

Cait's backstory is bloated with every kind of trauma, and it reads as very...last minute?

Actually look at it. She was grotesquely abused for 18 years, sold into slavery for a few more years, killed her parents, got a drug addiction, and then basically enslaved in a fighting pit for a few more years as a means of a suicide attempt, and then she gets traumatized when she gets clean because, again, that chair literally tortures her.

Starting at the beginning...why did her parents wait until she was 18 to sell her? Would the slavers not take kids? Did her parents not want her being raped underage, for some reason? Why 18, specifically?

Because Bethesda are cowards, and I mean that. They wanted all the abuse and trauma for Cait they could get, but...child rape? That was a little far for them.

Rule 1 of writing dark shit: If you, at any point, feel like you've gone too far, back the fuck up. Don't start walking left instead of forward. Bethesda wanted her nightmare upbringing, but child rape bothered them. So, they just had her sold at 18, but that's incredibly contrived. Hey, Beth? If it bothered you, you shouldn't have gone near it. Skirting the topic is a cowardly writer's way out. Shit or get off the pot.

Now, you can write a character with this much trauma. You just have to actually handle it.

Cait should be way more unhinged. You should be able to look at her, speak to her once, and figure out oh, this woman has been through hell. Instead, Cait is surprisingly well-adjusted. She's a little rude and doesn't care much for good-guy morality.

Here's where those Contrarians come in, saying "People don't have to act like their trauma!" They don't. But those are real people. Cait was made, and she was made with a normal personality and a horrifically detailed nightmare origin story. It isn't that Cait just powered through and got out okay despite all odds, it's that Bethesda didn't fully think about how her trauma would actually affect her.

If anyone played Silent Hill 2, remember Angela Orosco? She was also incredibly abused and mistreated all her life, and actually, her story is remarkably similar to Cait's in every way. And Angela, she acts like a person who's been traumatized at every single turn. Watching Angela is heartbreaking even if you don't know what she's gone through, because you can tell there was something.

Cait's backstory could be significantly pared down. Again, the dialogue and 4 affinities talk system butcher the character arc, but Cait suffered the most, I think. She tells you about all of her trauma at once, in her second affinity. Second. Other characters talk about their most intense/emotional shit at the final talk, but because Cait's third talk needs to start Benign Intervention, and her final talk needs to be about being clean now, they have to rush through her trauma at the second one.

For Cait, I think it'd be better to pare down the trauma, but it could work to just...move her opening up about it to the final talk. That makes the most sense, her explaining how she got that way.

Also, why was it Cait that got all of this?

No, really, why was Cait selected to be the trauma donkey de jour?

She's one of 3 female companions. Piper and Curie's trauma is both their dads died. Cait's trauma is endless rape, beating, drug addictions, slavery, and fights to the death. She sticks out. It's like the other girls got nothing so Cait got everything.

Cait is compared to Cassidy from New Vegas, but...why? Cassidy got off nice and easy compared to Cait. Everyone gets off easy compared to Cait. It's like she's the heaviest thing in the room, the odd one out because she's gone through significantly more and worse than anyone else. Can you seriously compare Cait to anyone in Fallout 4? MacCready lost his wife, Cait was raped for years on end. Hancock feels guilty for not doing more in his younger years to help people, Cait was constantly beaten and tortured by her parents for her entire life. Nick has some identity issues and body dysmorphia, Cait killed her parents and now is always attempting suicide via bare-knuckle combat for the same people who raped her.

It's like she was meant for a different game. I could easily see her in say, Wasteland 3, or the other Fallouts, which had much darker tones. Everyone else in 4 is lighter to slightly darker shades of grey, and then Cait is pitch black.

I especially find this suspicious, given that Cait is the addict character. No, it's not Hancock, because Hancock's addiction isn't addressed, it's just...seasoning, some texture thrown on top. His addiction doesn't matter, by the game's standards, you're not supposed to care about it. Cait, you are. She's the addict character.

It's like...weirdly implied that it's only incredibly fucked up stuff that makes you an addict. Like, there's a certain bar of trauma you have to have before you start using. First of all, incorrect, grossly so. Secondly, patronizing as shit. Thirdly, if you think like this, you shouldn't be allowed to write anything. Ever. Or vote, for that matter.

FUCK UP 3: THE IRISH SHIT

I will not bring up the accent, beyond that it, specifically, is pretty obnoxious. Katy Townsend, her voice actor, is Scottish, but...the accent is bad enough, I was sure she was American. Listening to this video, you can hear her natural speaking voice, and it's nowhere near Cait's thick, caricature Tough Irish Gal voice.

I have previously described Cait as a 'too many cooks in the kitchen' scenario. On one hand, she's a Trauma Donkey, as described in the last section. On another, she's a haha funny Irish lady love booze and fighting, ain't nothing better than getting pissed and picking a fight, am i right!

I have a theory that Cait was two separate characters that was merged into one. Fallout 4 tries to represent/dickride Massachusetts culture and history, and Massachusetts has double the national Irish population. New York and New Hampshire are more Irish, but Massachusetts is still very Irish. So, Beth made an Irish character, but then, like, Frank down the hall wanted his sadgirl babe, and they got stuck together.

There is no bigger clash than a historical cruel/tragic cartoon caricature and the darkest, most horrific character in a story, and it's the same person in Fallout 4. Again, Cait can be Irish. She cannot be a Tough Irish Gal, while being everything else that she is.

HOW IS THIS FETISHIZED?

I mean...look at it. I should preface that I've been writing for, like, three hours and am Quickly Losing Steam, so this conclusion is not likely to be great

I've also described Cait as getting sprayed down with a pain hose. Just drenched in every kind of suffering imaginable. It's not handled properly, it's not addressed properly, it's just kind of there for you to figure out on your own. Another thing I've called Cait is Whedonesque, for Joss Whedon loves makes strong female characters, making them tiny, not-like-other-girls waifs (Cait is very thin and skinny), and then putting them through trauma, making them cry. He's been accused of making strong women just to see them break.

I don't fully think that last part applies to Cait, but it gets close. Cait is one of three girls. She's the only masculine/androgynous, Piper and Curie are both rather feminine, even if in different flavors. Cait is all tomboy, and she's all trauma and addiction, and misery. She falls into the Whedon trope of "I can kick ass but I need someone to fix me". Cait is, very much, a fixer fantasy. She's broken and desperate and Sole is supposed to be the white knight on a shining horse to save her, fix her. That's why she makes a big deal about how they're the first person to ever be nice to her. It's a fantasy.

And finally, Cait has something in common with the two other ladies; Piper exists to serve a plucky, girl-next-door romance (she's the intended romance, even, the one you're expected to pick), and Curie is a french virgin maid fantasy. Y'know Lusty Argonian Maid? Literally Curie.

And that is at least half of why Cait's Character was made the way it was. It's to appeal to a fixer fantasy. Even if unintentional, that's what Cait's character adds up to. Compare to 500 Days of Summer, if the movie wasn't self-aware.

[the-ipre]

Okay in your magical girls AU for DBD, are you thinking of having an Edwin gunging and if so what would be the driving force? Would Charles and Edwin gunge at different times or together? And would Charles's be related to the time loop plot/something similar?

(Basically, just spill 👀)

hello :3c so ! i think that edwin actually does not get gunged, because his whole thing is White Knuckled Self Control. despair and anger and shame all creep up on him and tempt him, but he refuses to give in because the one thing that he has control of is Himself. also, an interesting thing is that in original sore must be the storm canon, a thing the gunge does is say 'fuck the social construct' because why should you be nice? why should you be kind? we dont owe each other SHIT you should be angry and hurt people because it feels good to let go! and edwin has Such a tight grip on manners and rules that i think the social contract stuff would be harder to break for him

and for charles !! oh buddy boy charles !! the devlin house happens with hope devlin getting gunged and catching the school in a loop, and as our heroes are trying to handle it charles gets Stuck in it. it is bad, brings up memories of home, and he feels Useless as the others have to save the day and save him. this is the start of things compounding as he has a worse and worse time, the gunge creeps in, he refuses to open up about it because hes gotta be better than that, hes gotta keep a cheery face on and be a rock the others can rely on, hes gotta throw himself into the fray to take the hits so the others dont have to, he has to be Better than he is and he cant be because people keep getting hurt

the gunge whispers in his brain, dont you want those bullies to get what they deserve? dont you want to make them hurt? and charles hates himself for it, but he does

his gunging is a sort of mirror maze where folks have cruelties that they have enacted done back onto them. that shitty comment? that kid you tripped in the hall? the beating you gave someone for being different? it is all reflected back onto you, justice and punishment and getting whats coming to you. our heroes come into the maze from different spots so they dont initially realize that charles isnt among them, and while crystal starts to get suspicious that he might be at the center of this maze edwin refuses to consider it, they just need to find him and then everything will be alright

the reason crystal got expelled from her old school and the type of person she used to be all comes out and niko and edwin see just how cruel she could be, nikos gunging makes a reapparance through the mirrors, the sharp and cutting magic that edwin has learned to wield in battle is reflected back upon him, and all three of them are emotionally and physically wrecked by the time they make it to the center of the maze

charles is there, bloody, and they hope that he just made his way through the maze and they can all team up to figure out who has been gunged, but there is a blank look in his eyes as he takes another hit, one that crystal took a few fights ago. he is not being hurt by the hurt that he has caused, but rather the hurt that has been done to others that he was unable to stop. all the blows that he wasnt quick enough to intercept in fights, the times his mother was hurt when she tried to protect him, all the injuries that he wasnt able to protect the people he loves from getting.

big rough emotional climax!! charles tries to get them to leave, he'll be better, he has to keep them safe, and then as he takes in their injuries, who hurt them? it breaks him when he realizes that this it his fault, that once again his friends got hurt because of him, and things get Rough (altho not sure on details)

the others refuse to leave and there is catharsis, they care about him because he is their friend and he cant destroy himself to try and be worthy of that, big emotional resolution !!!!! and charles gets degunged but is still in a Rough spot for a while after lasdkjf guilt complex king-

[plantyboii28]

Finsihed GO2 yesterday and its taken me a while to put my thoughts into words but heres my (very long) takeaway from the end of s2:

[spoilers for the last 15 mins of 2.06 beneath the cut]

Whilst neil's 'quiet, gentle and romantic' feels now somewhat misleading i think it is accurate in a sense; its quieter than season one at least. Season one is more about these external pressures - it's the end of the world, obviously - but our focus really for much of the series is on aziraphale and crowley's relationship and how those pressures and that situation changes their relationship: pulls their desire to be with eachother, to be 'on their own side' into the open. And that's great, you know, that spurs on their relationship, but I think the conflixts of series 2 are - at least definitely by the end - far more internal, and whilst thats upsetting, I think its important because it exposes some of the flaws in their relationship, the things that they fundamentally dont align with eachother on. As nina and maggie point out, in all the 6000 years they've been spending time with eachother they dont properly communicate, they dont talk about their real feelings and perceptions of eachother, of heaven, of hell, etc.

What that final scene really shows is that aziraphale, whilst i dont think he is under any illusion about how cruel and flawed heaven can be, he still believes that angels are (or can be), and crucially that he is 'one of the good guys', and he cant get past this idea that hell and demons are 'the bad guys'. The part of crowley that he is really drawn to is his kindness, his refusal to actively harm people, and i think aziraphale doesnt understand how crowley wouldnt jump at the chance to be an angel again, he doesnt understand that falling affected crowley, it changed him - i think aziraphale almost wants crowley to go back to being that angel that we see at the start of series 2. In his eyes, what the metatron is offering him is the best possible solution, he can try to fix heaven himself from the inside - so that he can make a difference and protect both himself and crowley - and he can have crowley by his side as an angel, as one of the good guys.

Crowley on the other hand doesnt want that - he's done with heaven and hell alike, in fact he's very self-centred: not in the sense he only cares about himself, but his care only really extends to himself and aziraphale. And we see that throughout both series: hes ready to abandon the earth and go off to alpha centauri with aziraphale, and than this season with his reluctance at helping gabriel - hes so set on this idea of runninh away and he refuses to accept that aziraphale isnt ready to let go of heaven. Running away has never interested aziraphale, he doesnt want to abandon the earth - but crowley doesnt listen to that. The problem in this scene is that neither of them actually listen to what the other one is proposing.

I think, it's easy, or its very possible to come out of that final scene feeling like aziraphale is in the wrong - crowley has confessed his feelings and aziraphale's 'rejected' him, but actually thats not what happening at all. Throughout the scene, both of them are very clear that they love eachother, they want to be with eachother: see crowley's 'we could be an us' but also aziraphale's 'i need you... come with me'. So what they're disagreeing on is not the possibility of their relationship, its the circumstance.

And then... the kiss. The kiss is such a beautiful moment for me, not because i think its positive in any way, i actually think its almost uncomfortable to watch - you can see aziraphale recoiling almost, and yes theres a bit of a internal battle there as he goes to put his arms around crowley and then stops himself, but when they pull apart you can see he's almost angry. He wants it, yes, but hes angry at crowley for going about it in that way, at that moment. And that kiss, really its not a grand romantic gesture, its not a 'ive been hiding these feelings and this is the only way i can express them' - crowley's desperate, hes angry and this is really his last ditch effort, to tempt aziraphale, really. It's almost manipulative, its using something that couldve been beautiful, couldve been something they both wanted for a long time to bring aziraphale around to his side - to say 'look, look at what you're giving up here'.

Essentially, they have spent literally thousands of years failing to talk to eachother and a fall out like this (whilst it was absolutely devastating) is sort of required before they can truly be together.

[trashcatsnark]

💻and 🔮 tea please!!!

Ooooh, thank you for the ask anon!!!!

Judy

The two don't hit it off immediately, both have very different interests and sometimes outlooks, but also are very stubborn and not afraid to assert themselves. At first when Judy was concerned about Arasaka coming against her for the heist, Aidan was rolling her eyes because - sure, techie in a basement who scrolled a bd for me- you're in just as much danger as I am here.

This rub only gets worse once everything went to shit. Aidan does not respond well to Judy blaming her for the heist and her friends- because fuck you, Aidan is already blaming herself enough. But Judy is lashing out because shes hurt and Aidan is lashing out cause shes hurt. They're both just hurt.

They leave that convo angry, Judy doesnt bother to ask Aidan to call her if she hears anything- but Aidan texts her. Not because she promised, or because Judy asked, but because it felt right. And that's the first seed of oh- she may be nicer than I thought.

Then she sees Aidan find Fingers just as disgusting as she does. Sees Aidan fight to find out where Evelyn is. And when they get to the Scavenger den- Aidan is downright protective of Judy, insisting she clear out the gangs members before Judy comes in.

Aidan is acutely aware that Judy isnt a merc, not a solo- she's not weak, but her talents lay elsewhere. Shes a techie, a tinkerer, an editor- she doesn't get her hands dirty in the same way Aidan is accustomed. And the last thing Aidan wants is another person dying because of her negligence. So, this little protective streak starts to form.

And then Evelyn is saved tho in rough shape, again Judy sees this compassion in Aidan that she didn't expect of a merc. Judy may not be hands on with violence, but she's been through the ringer. She's had to hold her own in her own way. She's used to feeling like she's the only person in a room who cares about anything other than herself. She expected, like most mercs that Aidan would be cruel and callous, apathetic. But here she is risking her neck for Evelyn, protecting Judy, worrying, fretting asking over and over like a mantra will she be okay? Even if neither of them know the answer. And yeah, maybe V wanted intel about the heist- but she cares. And when everything feels cold and cruel, that feels like a fucking relief.

And when she leaves Evelyn to take a bath while she goes to the gas station to consider buying a pack of cigarettes for the twelfth time that week and comes back to find the door is locked tight, Evelyn wont respond, and something is wrong, god she can feel something is wrong- Aidan's the first person she calls. Because she knows she'll care. She knows she'll do something. Even if all she can do is rip open the locked door and pull whats left of Evelyn out of a bloody tub.

And she does just that.

Aidan at her core with Judy, wants to be there for her and wants to help her. Because Aidan knows how much she lost in this mess too and theres an innate kinship that creates. Both connected by tragedy and loss. So she does what she can, comes when she calls, fights for Clouds, promises camping trips, and aquarium visits - even shows out of the blue with a frog plushie because she saw Judy's abuela calls her ranita on a postcard.

She's observant, she cares, and by god Judy cannot fight the crush she is developing on this merc. And Aidan also likes the way Judy sees her, treats her- looks at her like she's a good person, but Aidan knows shes not. Sometimes in her more self destructive moments, feels the need to remind Judy. Remind Judy that shes a merc, a murderer, she has injuries from stabbing people, there is blood beneath her nails and none of it is hers. And sometimes it feels like Judy doesnt get the gravity of this, that Aidan isn't a good person- shes good to Judy. And she worries that once that settles in Judy will be hurt.

But truthfully, Judy is conscious of what Aidan does and who she is- knows why the merc wasnt shaking the same way she was when they killed Woodman. And sometimes that does bother her. But in a world that feels cruel and callous, that tells her to keep Evelyn's body on ice while she waits days for it to be collected, a world that tells her that her friends are disposable because of what they do for a living- Aidan feels warm and kind and good, a needed a respite, someone who cares- and Judy refuses to believe that doesn't make her a good person.

Misty

The moment Jackie brought this little puppy dog of a merc into Misty shop- she was ecstatic. Her aura is phenomenal, most of her chakras are blocked but they can work on that. Also, shes a Scorpio but- no one's perfect. Honestly, I feel like Jackie would be a little nervous about introducing them because while Misty's never been the jealous type saying "Hey, here's this girl who invited into my home, who Im sharing a room, and bed with- also shes a short blonde just like you" feels like walking into a minefield. But Misty is just excited to have a friend, excited to see Jackie having a partner who gets the merc aspects of his life. Something she can't really do.

And Aidan thinks Misty is very odd, Aidan admittedly doesnt buy into spiritual stuff much, but Misty is so sweet and so nice and showed Aidan her pet rats- because Misty would have pet rats- look at her- and hey, it doesn't hurt to play along.

They form a quick and sweet bond- Misty worries about Aidan the way she worries about Jackie. Their work is dangerous and Misty wants her to be safe. Plus, Aidan doesn't let people in quite the same way Jackie does which is an extra worry.

This particular worry exacerbates when everything happens. Aidan doesnt check in much, doesnt talk about her feelings much. And Misty thinks that Aidan doesnt fully realize just how many care about her. How many friends she has and just how hard she is not to care about. Plus, if Misty's being honest she wishes Aidan would stop in more because- it'd be nice not to grieve alone.

Aidan, following everything has a hard time seeing Misty- she still checks in occasionally and talks but, it's hard. She feels like she let her down, like its her fault hes gone, and like Misty and Vik see her as already gone herself. Misty is so kind and sweet and compassionate and Aidan feels like she just destroyed her life because she couldn't save Jackie.

At the ofrenda, things get a little easier in some ways. Misty is allowed the chance to fully weep and grieve and be held, to not be the rock for once. Aidan holding her as they lay in Jackie's bed, mourning together. And Misty reminds Aidan again, she isn't alone.

[forestryfae]

and he fucking brings up grandma and telling me i should call her and like. yeah okay i know her health is bad but like what the fuck am i supposed to do about that. i cant talk to mom, shes fucking cruel and heartless and i cant fucking talk to her about anything, the way she talks about the whole thing is just fucking ruthlessly shitty and its like its designed to hurt. i cant talk to dad either cus he just doesnt care. he doesnt wanna fucking talk about it, hell just dump it all on someone else like he did when i was getting bullied in highschool and he got a friend of his to talk to me instead of like. talking to me himself or fucking fixing shit istead of pushing that responsibility on everyone around him so he doesnt have to deal with it. anything to avoid having to be a parent or having to talk about stuff. and my stepmom is almost a bad as my mom ngl she fucking makes theories about whats wrong with grandma and talks about it like its gossip or some shit, will not shut the fuck up and rags it on longer than it needs to be, and its so fucking infuriating.

like. its not like anyones asked me how im doing about the whole situation or asks me how im feeling. no fucking "are you okay" or "what are you thinking" or "how does it make you feel" in any genuine actually worthwhile way or any questions about how it might make me feel to talk about it or anything. no matter what i say theyll just try to brush it off or act like i have nothing to worry about or some shit etherway cus im not allowed to be upset or have emotions afterall, and the world doesnt revolve around me, it revolves around them and im selfish for not managing or caring about their feelings when its THEIR FUCKING JOB TO CARE ABOUT MINE. THEYRE PARENTS. THEYRE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT ME, I SHOULDNT BE MANAGING THEIR EMOTIONS BY SHUTTING TEH FUCK UP ALL THE TIME AND DEALING WITH THEIR EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS AND SHIT.

as if it wasnt fucking bad enough that i was taught any emotions that dont align with what they want me to feel or that dont validate them arent allowed, im supposed to do exactly as they want and no other option is allowed. cus then im an asshole and im selfish, self centered, egoistic, spoiled, brat, "angry" "all the time", and in general "nobody cares" and "nobody feels fucking sorry for you" and thats just what im supposed to deal with all the time? i cant have emotions or be upset so i become a fucking doormat to please evryone but if i dont stand up for myself its my own fault im unhappy, but when i do stand up for myself im completely ignored and i get run over and i cant have everything exactly as i want it all the time cus the people around me have their own lives, but when i suddenly dont want visitors or i dont answer peoples calls or i dont engage or i dont visit its all "you can just call us or visit us". why the fuck would i want to spend time with a bunch of overgrown toddlers who dont want whats best for me and who actively shut me down any time i try to exist like a normal person. they literally treat me like a fucking dog. like weve HAD a dog and they just fed it and put it on a leash in the garden and that was p much it. dad actually didnt even feed it after the divorce i think? im pretty sure he forgot cus he expected US to do it? I WAS FUCKING EIGHT OR SOME SHIT. why would an eight year old with neglectful shitty parents know that theyre supposed to feed the dog. id get yelled at for literally anything i did if my mom or dad didnt like it to the point where i dont even know as an adult whether im allowed or not allowed to do things specifically because What If Someone Gets Mad At Me For Doing This Even Though They Shouldn't Get Mad For This But What If.

like even at inpatient, theres food in the kitchen. theres food and theres bread and sandwich stuff and theres even leftovers in the other fridge sometimes and if the kitchen isnt gonna be used anytime soon i can even cook myself something, like if i buy a pizza or i have a bag of macaroni. ive even been offered the option to make salads for lunch and i feel like THE MOST selfish bitch for having the audacity to need food or have certain issues with food that make me need to eat differently than most other people. i feel fucking bad just for asking for bread i can eat without gagging. i feel like im being judged HARSHLY when i eat fucking nutella. i almost have to hide candy or anything sweet like chocolate cus im afraid ill have to have the "you eat too much sugar" talk again as if its THAT easy just walking into the kitchen and eating.

so yeah anyways, my parens fucking suck and i want to yell at them every time i talk to them but i have the patience of a fucking saint cus thats the nly thing im allowed to have without any repercussions so i just have to shut up and wait to get home so i can finally go back to being a semi-normal person.

[weirdmageddon]

five years too late let’s analyze this. the commentary has gotten me back into gravity falls reigniting thoughts and insights i came to years ago

i love everything about this commentary in general it hits the points of humor, genuine analysis of the characters, but most of all im so glad hirsch addressed that the droid not detecting any fear from dipper here doesnt make any scientific sense because that was a massive CinemaSins moment for me

IDK the fact that dipper can fucking stand after an airship crash because theres a bigger threat at hand is literally one of the defining capabilities owed to adrenaline lol...... IM SORRY im a biopsychology student if i dont point that out iwill seethe and die because that was just . its a grudge ive held for a long time about this episode but didnt rant about because it was something so minor and i’m sure nobody would care.

i was 13 when this episode came out and i’m almost 19 now, i had a special interest in biology and i still do but now i’m actually having college classes in biopsychology so i can give my arguments more oomph now. and i have to say, now that i know more about the brain and autonomic nervous system the more this scene bugs me, if that was even possible. and it says a lot of dipper and ford’s relationship.

if dipper clearly wasnt calm before, why would he be now just because he’s put up an outwardly confident facade? before he was in the flight but now hes in the fight. my boy just rode on top of a spaceship by nothing but a magnet gun that could detach at any time if it failed and then the ship crashed, he sustained injuries, is in emotional turmoil because he thinks his uncle is Fucking Dead and the threat of a security droid that detects adrenaline is on his tail and produces a Big Fucking Gun in response to dipper saying “i hAvE a MaGNeT gUn” and hes screaming and has his teeth clenched but sure there’s no adrenaline coursing through his body in that moment i can totally believe that

when dipper asks what happened, ford says “the orb didn’t detect any chemical signs of fear, it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled” but i don’t think measuring someone’s heartbeat alone is particularly relevant in detecting ... chemical signs of fear?? they dont really tell you this shit but noradrenaline (and maybe adrenaline too if the acetylcholine from sympathetic outflow always activates the adrenal medulla??, theres two pathways) is always active in small quantities to make sure your parasympathetic nervous system doesnt slow your heart to dangerous levels on its own, regardless of your emotions. it’s just a homeostatic mechanism. your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems are CONSTANTLY modulating control of your organs on a see-saw, literally with every breath you take. simply standing upright causes specialized mechanoreceptor neurons in blood vessels to signal your brain to project signals to release catecholamines via the sympathetic nervous system to constrict your blood vessels so that blood is able to reach your brain and not pool in your legs. i have a deficiency in my body’s ability to adapt to this which is why i know so much about it. if i stand up my heart races to compensate. i’m not feeling fear, my body is just adjusting—albeit grossly and incompetently lol.

but what im saying here is that the security system is flawed. it’s a cool idea to have security droids detect fear, but in practice by detecting adrenaline, and not even directly by detecting the molecule itself—it’s done in a roundabout way by reading the heartbeat, could be a recipe for false alarms. like what if someone’s on beta-blockers. that’s not really an adequate way to measure “fear”; there’s so many variables that could interfere with the measurement the farther you abstract from what you’re really trying to detect. and besides, adrenaline is NOT just a sign of fear, it’s just for preparing the body for action. i know the sympathetic nervous system and adrenaline is constantly linked with the “fight-or-flight” reaponse to a stressor, but 99.9% of the time the sympathetic nervous system is used in your life is to balance out your parasympathetic nervous system to maintain homeostatic equilibrium for mundane things.

i think detecting amygdalar activation would be more efficient in detecting fear. the amygdala sends projections to the hypothalamus which then in turn modulates the autonomic nervous systems. but the amygdala is intensely activated specifically in response to a fear-inducing stimulus (it does activate in response to other emotions but they’re mostly negative and is most activated by startle and fear), and wouldnt be highly activated by many other confounding variables like measurement of the heartbeat could be. the amygala is one of the first stops directly from external stimuli.

to show you how integrated the amygdala is as the first step in registering fear after receiving input from sensory stimuli let’s look at the auditory-amygdala connection for example

see how the auditory thalamus projects to the primary auditory cortex and auditory association cortex? the cortex is where conscious awareness of what the stimuli is comes from. this is the “high road”. it goes sensing -> perception -> emotional response. but sometimes you can be startled without even processing what it is you’re sensing, like the startle response of an alarm or a phone ringing in a quiet house before you even register what it is. this goes sensing -> emotional response, without perception happening until after you’ve already felt the startle. that’s when it takes the “low road”. here’s a simplified version:

even if that were the case with these droids though it’s obvious dipper is still fearful on some level here. his body language, voice, expressions all give it away. for the amygdala, aggression isnt too off from fear so it would be detected equally.

the reason this is so important is because ford uses this as evidence for why dipper is special, “i did it?” “you did it. this is what i was talking about, how many 12 year olds do you think are capable of doing what you’ve just done?”

but like....did he really? i’m not saying this to shoot dipper down or make him out to be more of a wuss, he was incredibly strong-willed here and i dont want to take that away from him because it WAS growth on his part. but the underlying psychophysiological reactions of aggression and fear shouldn’t be that different and this was a total asspull. maybe the droid was so old that it fucked up. maybe dipper being covered in grime and dirt made it harder for the droid to measure the correct heart rate through photoplethysmography (im assuming since they use a camera and are non-contact).

and in all honesty everything i just said brings into question the interpersonal healthiness of ford’s judgements, what he thinks, his expectations, and how he communicates that. in this video alex already talks about how ford is projecting onto dipper. and i think ford may be projecting his expectations for himself onto people who are not him, and the fact that it’s on dipper here makes it far more unfortunate. you realize how much this boy idolizes ford, right? how much impressions matter? dipper even tells himself before he leaves in this same episode, “all right dipper, this is your first big mission with great uncle ford. don’t mess this up.”

even though it’s unstated, the implicit message dipper is perceiving from ford based on their dynamic is: “do you have what it takes for me to be proud of you?” and to accomplish this he must be like ford, even though he’s clearly not and he knows this. he says “i don’t think have what it takes. i was tricked by bill, i was wrong about stan’s portal, heck, i can’t even operate this magnet gun right.” then, by simple chance without even knowing what he did, he activates the magnet gun and pulls out the adhesive, which immediately takes the focus away from what dipper was telling ford about his feelings of inadequacy to ford saying, “yes! dipper, you found the adhesive!”

these thoughts of dipper’s hang in the air without resolve or comment from ford. we don’t know what ford would have said. but it then becomes painfully self-evident in the scene immediately after when the droids emerge and ford tells dipper, “they’re security droids and they detect adrenaline. you simply have to not feel any fear and they won’t see you”, to which dipper replies with an exasperated (and rightful) “WHAT?”

dipper goes in a panic trying to indirectly tell his uncle that this isn’t something he can do. and he is completely right and valid to be freaked out by that full stop. that IS crazy. you can’t control your fear. you can control how you interpret that fear in your higher brain regions but the physiological changes will stick around for longer than it takes to cognitively calm down. it’s easy for me to detach from my emotions to analyze them, but being able to do this does not come naturally for everyone. even i have an irrational fear of wasps and i can’t control it by detaching myself, my body is just automatically primed to get the fuck out of there. i know it’s stupid and i know it’s irrational and isn’t helpful to get myself worked up but i literally can’t stop how my body reacts no matter how i cognitively think about it. expecting composure from dipper in a situation like this when he’s being made to consciously be aware of his anxiety is absolutely fucking insane. look what you did, placing these cruel expectations on him, now he’s afraid of being afraid! this isn’t a case where two wrongs cancel out, they just stack on top of each other.

there’s a good reason these scenes were put side by side but it seems up until now it had remained unanalyzed.

what dipper fears from ford is disappointment. not living up to his uncle’s (quite frankly badly placed) expectations for a twelve year old with anxiety. not once did ford say or subliminally communicate “i don’t expect you to be able to do what i can since you are not as experienced as i am and that’s perfectly okay, no judgements”. you don’t put a child on bike before training wheels. you don’t throw a kid into a swimming pool without giving them swimming lessons. the way ford is doing it, there’s no room for trial and error or mistakes that are an opportunity to grow and learn; instead, it’s life or death. he only seems to pride dipper on what he can do while ignoring the underlying struggles that plague him and never making it known it’s okay for dipper to fail in front of his hero and that he won’t think anything less of him for it.

and that’s why i found the ending scene for dipper and ford’s adventure in this episode to feel so.. wrong. on a scientific and social level. because by the sound of it ford focused more on what dipper had done to dismantle the droid (the droid not detecting any fear) instead of how dipper displayed love and protection for him even if he was truly afraid. what if the science was accurate and the droid detected adrenaline while dipper was confidently standing up for his uncle. would ford still be proud of him regardless?

[fraseris]

the dream smp fandom is way too focused on whether characters are good or evil. its a pretty obvious result of older tumblr "purity culture" where everything was about what childrens cartoons were right and which were wrong. obviously people are trying to move away from this by tweeting stuff like "let people like villains," which is a really stupid statement in general but is kind of needed here. not to imply that it does anything though, because its entirely useless

as with older tumblr fandoms i think the obsessed with good and bad is partly born out as a defense mechanism against people outright supporting things which shouldn't be supported. back then it was groups like proshippers, now its probably (kind of similar, in morals and opinions) abuse "apologists" like c!dream supporters

the problem is that this backlash just ends up being applied to anything and everything in whatever space it starts out. people know that c!dream is very obviously evil (and im gonna get into this in a second) and then they internalize black and white thinking, where people are either good or bad. which is an issue when a lot of people are very focused on character analysis

and this sucks on its own, but what the dream smp fandom actually suffers from is the way people aren't willing to look past this mindset. character analysis is boring and any kind of debate is stupid when the only thing everyone cares about is who's right and who's wrong

im gonna use c!wilbur as an example (I promise this isnt an excuse to talk about him more, hes just a good character for this.)

wilbur hurt people. he hurt a lot of people. he lashed out at people he was meant to protect (tubbo, tommy) and he used people (technoblade) and he irrationally betrayed people (fundy, tubbo) and he blew up everyones home. and the thing is, this was all because he was forced to suddenly part with the thing he based his entire self worth on + he suddenly started questioning his own morals, which launched him into a mental breakdown, which made him depressed and paranoid, which made all the other characters think he was insane. he didn't get any help. it wasnt very pretty.

oftentimes, people in this fandom accept him being insane via other povs at face value, and put him in the Evil box. the issue is, actions are backed by motives which are backed by relationships, and being a villain does not equal being evil. this is the heart of the issue. some people don't care about anything other than good versus bad, and most will use it as their exclusive ultimatum.

a lot of discourse wouldn't exist if it wasn't for this mindset. c!phil could probably be a really interesting character to a lot of people if they would look at him past the fact that he's awful c!tommy and the new lmanburg gang. whats going on in that guys head?? whats he thinking?? why is he so cruel?? come on guys, there's a lot to work with here. you can dissect this old man for FREE

obviously, there are factors outside of the good vs. bad mindset. there's cc bias and death of the author and the confusion of unreliable narrators and so many povs of the same stuff. and i'm not saying that people shouldn't get to have petty biases and stuff, because that's like half of the fun. but it's really tiring when it's the only thing everyone cares about. media analysis can have so much depth that people in this fandom just. don't ever get into much

tl;dr dream smp analysis would be a lot more fun if people were willing to look past who is morally correct

[yackers]

Why Jerome Cheating Wasn't Out of Character and How It Actually Developed Him Further as a Person: an unproofread rant/essay by a bitch with too much time on her hands

okay first I just wanna talk about the circumstances round him cheating. Like he definitely could’ve made better choices and in no way am I saying he’s not to blame but he and Mara were very much broken up when he first started dating willow. Jerome was being a dick in the business competition, but it wasn’t exactly a break up forever kinda mistake. He apologised multiple times in varying degrees of big gestures, to which mara did not respond to or make any move to forgive him. Sure, a lot of this was to do with the sisterhood but it’s not like he knew that.

I think he only went for willow because not only did she help him with his schemes without question, she was also willing to take the punishment all in good fun. In no way were they right for each other but she messed around with him in the costume closet and had fun with her the way he never did too often with mara without being interrupted by mick. Mara then, a while after ignoring his various attempts came up to him and told him she’d forgiven him and they were now back together. He definitely should’ve just told her there and then that he had kissed willow, but he was already starting to question their relationship and honestly I still think it would’ve crushed her.

I think that Jerome only ever wanted to be with mara because he put her on a pedestal as some perfect unattainable girl. He pined over her for years before she showed interest. She was sweet to him and treated him as a human with feelings when the others often wouldn’t but I don’t think they were ever right for each other. They were cute in season 2 but although she helped him with his dad she constantly overstepped with him and poppy and always held a sense of righteousness over him like on donkey day. I think especially once they were in a relationship she expected him to be a different person for her in ways that would change who he was. He looks visibly uncomfortable with the nicknames and is constantly shown to be at her beck and call in a way that is less playful in comparison to season 3 Alfie and amber.

The whole trying to then get away with having two girlfriends whilst he makes up his mind on who he wants to date therefore makes perfect sense for his character as in truth he doesn’t actually wanna date either of them. Willow is fun but not serious and mara is serious but not fun. willow and him was only really ever a fling, as shown by how quickly she moves on. And Jerome is literally an asshole it would be unrealistic at this point in his development for him to handle the situation maturely and lay his feeling out to them because he barely knew what he was feeling and he is self identified sneaky. Are we forgetting that he used to manipulate Alfie for money, literally broke up mick and mara and consistently just makes the worst choices readily available to him. Yes he did gaslight willow and lied to mara but it’s nothing he hasn’t done before and was presently above doing again.

Joy being the one to find out first and see the comparison table is important to her relationship because there is all the worst parts about his character laid out on a platter for her. I think often mara completely avoided seeing how cruel and insensitive he can be at times and thought the others exaggerated it which is why she took the cheating so hard because she didn’t see it coming. But joy knows he’s flawed right from the start of their relationship, including his taunting of her near the beginning of the season. They also have a lot more shared experiences as shown during the ceremony scenes at the gatehouse. They’re both actively mad at each other but yet still come together against Alfie and Patricia and then the teachers. Mara never knew about anything Jerome went through in the first two seasons but joy did.

A really key part of his character development is when mara makes the cruel comment about his dad. I think if anything it shows how wrong they were for each other. Joy’s speech about being the bigger person is a turning point for him. Like mara, she wants him to be better but she says it from the perspective of someone who acknowledges that they too have done shitty things in the past. I think the ‘if you can bare it’ is important too, because she’s acknowledging to him that being a good person isn’t easy especially for people with upbringings and pasts like theirs. I think for the first time he actually feels understood. The ‘my lady’ scene confirms this.

Joy never requires him to be too mushy and vulnerable to her publicly. She’s playful and jokes around and anything sweet he says to her he says because he means it, not because it’s something he thinks she wants to hear. Their letdown washing date it so key to his growth like he’s able to joke around with her in a space where he can also freely talk about his dad and his insecurities about being allowed to scheme and be himself without having to be cold hearted because of it. He tells her she’s a good listener because he’s being heard without anyone looking out for poppy or his dad or the greater good over his own feelings.

One of the biggest signs he’s changed is when he knows that the play is a plot to embarrass him and takes it on the chin, admits he made a mistake and just hopes that it helps mara move on. And he just seems so much more into joy than he ever was anyone else, he even says it!! Unlike mara he isnt following her around like a puppy and doing as he’s told he gets distracted by her as she walks in the room and calls her names and is just!! I think the show is so good at writing couples that don’t have to be mushy and all over each other to show they care and mara is right they are kinda perfect for each other. They both have made mistakes in the past but they’ve grown up and there isn’t an unequal balance of a bad guy and a better girl who wants to fix him. He’s respectful of mara and backs away from joy around her without taunting and fighting back like season 1 or 2 Jerome definitely would’ve. He changed for the better organically on screen and I think his arc was done really well. You can tell by the way he he cries when he overhears about the revenge plot how much he really cared and he broke up with her to protect his own feeling but as soon as he realises that her feelings were genuine he tries to get her back. Not in flashy empty feeling gestures like before but by expressing how he feels.

Im not saying he didn’t develop a lot over the course of season one and two and that mara didn’t play a big part in that development but I think to truly be better he had to take a step back from pretending to be perfect to get the girl of his dreams and actually take the time to work on himself.

And in terms of the cheating/revenge plot line itself it had to be something big and time consuming this season that took up all the characters not involved in the mystery’s time whilst also giving them their own arcs and stories within it. sibuna were literally soulless for a portion of the season which could only work if they were distanced from their close friends outside of it like Jerome and joy because they were far too wrapped up in their own shit to notice. And they’re teenagers! Of course trying to date two girls at once and orchestrating the plot of John tucker must die is a dumb bad idea!! But so is literally every other thing they do in the show because they’re naive and half of them were left there by their parents to rot and have been kidnapped in the past of course they’re not rational!! I actually found the whole sideplot an entertaining break from the darker themes of the third season and throughout the whole season you can feel the characters are 17/18 instead of 15/16 like in the first season, there’s gonna be more romantic motivation to their actions.

In conclusion/ TLDR: just because a character makes mistakes doesn’t mean they lost their development or they were out of character. Interesting characters aren’t good people all of the time and thats what makes it entertaining.

[bookofmirth]

If you have the time/energy I would love to hear more of your thoughts about Az's persona! He's such an interesting character to me, and I feel like most of the theories I see about him centre around elain, and how his behaviour is mate behaviour (the double bond thing). Personally I think azriel has a lot of anger, isnt very open with his friends, and also feels like he has to be the one to fix everything (this comes out with elain but also all his relationships).

Can I just start this off by saying “what the fuck” at the double/true/created bond thing. I’ve seen some WILD shit out there in the fandom, wild. 

I have been writing and deleting and copy/pasting etc. this post forever and I can’t decide how to approach it, so I hope this makes sense! I didn’t pull out a ton of quotes because tbh it’s a lot of work and I’ve read these books???? So many times. And this is tumblr, not comprehensive exams.

I would agree with your characterization of Azriel! 

Anger - this comes out in really inappropriate times, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns his anger around on himself. We all know that Rhys described his “icy rage”, and later on his “cruel competitiveness”.

Lack of communication - yeah, when has he had a heart-to-heart with anyone in this series? When he does, it’s not about making himself feel better, or sharing his own feelings. It’s to be of service to someone else. All the IC have described trying to reach out to him in their own ways, and not being successful.

Needing to fix things - yes! I see this as his need to be of service. He’s always the first one to jump into work. It took Mor hundreds of years to get him to go to Rita’s, right? He’s a workaholic in a world with no labor laws. He always wants to be the one in charge of gathering intel, of finding people, or fixing problems. I think this is closely tied to two things: his lack of self-worth, and his anger. If he can stay busy enough and work hard enough, he can prove his worth to other people, if not to himself. This is why he loses it when Rhys or Feyre tell him that he can’t handle something. 

Funny thing, but people who have followed my blog since early 2017 know that I shipped moriel hardcore. I just loved it. I wrote so much meta and fanfic. A lot of the arguments that I see now remind me a lot of arguments people used to make about moriel - and it makes sense! Az’s behavior around both Mor and Elain are eerily similar. So I thought I’d compare his behavior towards them because that can tell us about his character!

To me, his treatment of Elain (and Mor) comes down to two things:

What his mother and Mor suffered (and he was unable to prevent), and

His lack of self-worth due to abuse 

Azriel and Mor didn’t know one another very long before she slept with Cassian and was left brutalized by her family. This happened when they were all in their late teens, which is not long after Azriel was tortured by his brothers, rarely let outside, and rarely got to see his mother. At the same time that Azriel sees his mother treated so poorly, he then feels intense guilt and rage at what happens to Mor. It’s enough to make him overreact in the future, any time that Mor (or another female) is in danger. So here are a bunch of examples of him being overprotective of Mor and Elain. But mostly Mor.

In acomaf, Azriel has the audacity to tell Mor no, that she can’t go to the human lands (chapter 41)

“I fought in the War, you will do well to remember-”

“No,” Azriel said again, refusing to break her stare. His shifting wings rasped against the back of his chair. “The would string you up and make an example of you.”

At the end of acomaf he is still highly protective of Mor

Azriel’s head lifted from where he was sprawled in his own blood, eyes full of rage and pain as he snarled at the king, “Don’t you touch her.”

Mor looked at Azriel - and there was real fear there. Fear - and something else. She didn’t stop moving until she again kneeled beside him and pressed a hand to his wound. Azriel hissed-but covered her bloody fingers with his own.

Then in acowar, of course, he explodes at the High Lord meeting after Eris says that Mor dresses like a slut:

Azriel stopped.

Eris gasped for air as those scarred hands loosened. As Azriel turned his face towards me-

The frozen rage there rooted me to the spot. 

But beneath it, I could almost see the image that haunted him: the hand Mor had yanked away, her weeping, distraught face as she had screamed at Rhys.

And now, behind us, Mor was shaking in her chair. Pale and shaking.

And of course in acowar Azriel goes with Feyre to rescue Elain. This ties together all of his issues with Mor and his mother. IMHO, Azriel sees Elain as a second chance. He saves Elain in a way he failed to save Mor, and so he begins to transfer his need to protect and serve onto her.

Azriel’s refusal to let Mor assist in dangerous situations is similar to how he says no, Elain cannot help.

Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

*Note that it’s an “outright sign of temper” - not an outright sign of protectiveness, or caring, or concern, or worry. 

If being protective of another character is “mate behavior” or sign of a mating bond, then Azriel and Mor would be mated. There is far more evidence of him being overprotective of her than of Elain. So while we know that mates are protective (naturally!), Azriel’s protective tendencies are coming from something else - a combination of his failures to protect his mother and Mor.

In acofas, what Cassian jokes is Az being a stickler for manners in forcing everyone to wait for Elain, Rhys explains as being related to Azriel’s mother - not Elain or Cassian.

Rhys took a bite, gesturing with his knife for me to eat. Let’s just say it hit a little close to home. At my beat of confusion, he added, There are some scars when it comes to how his mother was treated. Many scars.

Again, it seems all well and good that Az was thinking about being polite, but Rhys tells us that it’s because of Azriel’s mommy issues! Which are understandable and important, but a clear example of Azriel trying to make up for poor treatment in one woman by overreacting around another.

In the acosf POV, when Az questions why he wasn’t mated with Elain (and he can smell bonds so wouldn’t he smell his own?) it’s not so much about Elain as the fact that he feels he did everything right this time. He saved the damsel. He was of service. Elain is safe and healthy and she seems much more amenable than Mor ever has. So what did he do wrong? This is the source of his anger, combined with his loneliness and desire for a shiny lovely mating bond of his own. 

When we think about Azriel’s motivations, it comes down to service and self-worth. He sees his main value or purpose as saving others from harm, and when he was barely into adulthood he failed in that duty for the two most important women in his life. Hence his need to overcompensate around Mor, and now Elain.

[hysokaz]

i cant HATE hanzo because i dont think that he meant to do what he did but his whole fight with gon was just a HORRIBLE lesson to gon. he 1000% internalised everything that happened theres just no way that he didnt. being told over and over again that he cant win, that he needs to give up, and having countless adults just stand around and not say or do anything. like i know i know its part of the exam it HAS to test his mental skill but its fucking cruel the only person helping him or showing that they care is leorio, killua, and kurapika. everyone else is literally turning their heads from him. hes getting told that theres no way he could win as hes fucking bleeding and all of his senses are fucked up. he cant see, he cant hear out of one ear, he cant get up, he has a broken arm, his nose just got busted and he still tries to fight, he doesnt give up, and he tells leorio that hes fine. its nothing he cant handle.

hes screaming out in pain and no one is doing anything. they might stare in shock or they might show that they litearlly cant stand to watch gon but gon litearlly cant SEE. gon is stubborn to all hell and he wont give up.

the fight does a couple of things.

by eventually winning, it teaches him that he can keep going. he can have absolutely no strength in his body and he still will force himself to try and recover and try to fight. i could see gon exhausting himself to death because of this mindset. he will force himself over and over and he refuses to give up no matter what and he will only ever use his own strength and try to win. he goes through the thought that hanzo wouldnt cut off his legs because that would make him bleed out-- he doesnt think about how horrific it would be to have his legs cut off, its not like he doesnt take it seriously, but he doesnt take his own life seriously. he doesnt CARE. he would rather die than not be a hunter.

people praise him when he does well in the fight, and that teaches him that all he has to do is keep going. all he has to do is do good and he will be fine. all he has to do is keep getting back up and people will love him and he'll be admired. and all of this because of his dad, because he wants to find his dad, and i think the fight also teaches him that his father would eventually praise him for all of his efforts.

by hanzo still being nice, and not actually wanting to kill gon, pleading with him over and over again that hes not going to quit, that gon is going to die if he continues... and then hanzo pussing out and not doing it like that plants the idea in his head that the "bad guys" or the people that he has to fight ARENT that bad, i believe. this ones a hunch. i think that this will put it in gons head that eventually he will come out on top because his opponents cant be the worst people inside of their hearts, that they wouldnt kill him. you can bring up that gon refuses to take an easy win, that gon NEEDS to have a fair fight, but that doesnt really change anything. subconsciously, i think gon has a bit of an overconfidence that he cannot die. hisoka didnt kill him, hanzo didnt kill him, genthru didnt kill him, whatever and whoever didnt kill him. he wont die. i think that if gon ever accepted that he COULD die, like truly let it set in, then he would lose part of himself. i think gon refuses to truly have it in his head that he COULD die because i think that would admit defeat. i know that gon knows he can die, but his mortality and his own life is not serious to him because thats not a concern to him. his concern is his father and his friends.

by his friends being the only ones to outwardly show support, by being the ones who would scream out and tell him to quit, by him hearing them and knowing in his heart theyre barely holding themselves back to save him, their bond grows. i dont want to say thats unfortunate... but its kind of unfortunate. i dont want their bond and friendship to grow over feelings of pain and anguish, but thats what happens. he hears their cries and i know he internalises it as strength for him to keep going. the desperation that his friend show him only makes him be committed to them more. gon doesnt need verbal support, he barely needs people to tell him they like him. after all killua is his closest friend not because killua says nice things to gon and tells him sweet things or anything like that-- he and killua are best friends because of their actions. killua is committed to gon. gon knows that. he trusts killua because of that. gon sees the things his friends do for him, and it makes him want to match those exact things as well.

hanzos age is also a small thing, but a big thing at the same time. hanzo does mention his age to gon as a side note, but gon brings it up as a main point. he talks about how hanzo is only six years older than him. he doesnt keep going with that point, but i think his brain does do something with it. gon ends up putting that as motivation, i know he wants to match hanzos strength. he probably wants to be better than hanzo, stronger and more skilled. if gon got to hanzos age and was weaker than him i think he would hate himself for it. gon has unreasonably high expectations of himself, and age matters to him in the way that he needs to be stronger than everyone else. yes, to make his father proud and to thank him, but i know its also so he can protect his friends and family as well.

even what killua eventually eventually does, just that small thing of drawing hanzos face on the ground and saying that gon is nowhere near his strength... thats just basically forcing gon to compare himself to hanzo (something i know killua didnt mean as a bad thing). hanzo isnt the biggest threat that gon has ever had to deal with; i dont think that he has made THE absolute most impact, but i HAVE to think about it in this sense: gons spirit is...strong. but hisoka wounds it when he gives him an "easy win" and passes gon his badge. this makes gon deal with a bunch of self worth issues for a few days straight... and then hanzo goes and does all of that to him. had it been separate from everything that hisoka did i think that it mightve not hurt as much, but all of the stress i know went to his head. the end of the hunter exams were some of the most impactful yet painful events for gon, at least thats what seems to show once you looka t the behaviour that follows. i cant hate hanzo because i know he didnt mean to make gon develop the way he did. but i think hanzos fight did horrible damage to the way gon thinks.

[dailyzzy]

What If- and just hear me out for a second- redbone bojack horseman au.

Deku is Sarah Lynn (his job and giving up on his dreams really fucked him up, he mostly uses drugs as a way to cope with everything happening around him. Bakugou was the one that introduced him to alcohol for the first time when they were kids, bragging to his "friends" about drinking his mothers vodka once and calling Deku a cry baby for not wanting to try, Izuku drank, mostly out of anxiety and ended up getting drunk. Bakugou and his friend dragged him home and said that they found Izuku like that (inko lectured him a lot about It but Izuku couldnt bring himself to snitch) which was the start of his addiction.)

The story could pass through Bakugous pov mostly, still being a murder mistery, but with oh so much more angst. Kirishima gives me Todd vibes, so unfortunely for him Bakugou also isnt that good to him. He always assumes kirishima os an extra and didnt bother learning about his life until It was of interest to him. I think that the betrayal that happened in bojack horseman on the first season wouldve happened back in UA, Kirishima told bakugou about his insecurities (mostly with his quirk) and about this wonderful internship opportunity, Bakugou got scared of kiri leaving him once he made a name for himself and made him fail/miss the Interview (idk If he would Just make fake accounts and Bully kiri online so his anxiety was so high he wouldnt be able to do good or If he would just mix up kiris papers in order for him to miss the Interview).

Aizawa is a mixture of princess Carolyn and basicallly every single person on the show who noticed patterns and behaviors, but didnt do antything, hes an enabler. I woudl say later, when he realizes just how bad his ignorance affected those around him he would probably regret It, but for now him caring for Eri and the fact his students are already adults is the excuse he uses to not confront people. Thats not to say he isnt a good father, just like princess Carolyn he had a hard time adjusting parenting with work (he secretly has always wanted a child of his own, but never thought he would get the chance to have one) and pretends to give his child the childhood he never had.

Bakugou isnt the only 'villain' tho, i think It would be unfair to base the whole au around him or anyone in particular (many actions of bojack and character arcs will be displayed in different characters) Bakugou is a mixture of herb kazzaz and a side of bojack horseman. Shinsou was a dear friend to him (Hitoshi noticed the way he treated people, but never really cared) back in the first year of UA, they were rival-friends sort of deal. Shinsou introduced him to drugs, and a similar situation that happened with kid deku happened with teenage Bakugou, katsuki got caught and basically begged Shinsou to give out his dealers contact, otherwise Bakugou would be assumed to have been dealing and selling the drugs himself (seeing the large amount found back at his dorm room) hitoshi said he would do it, but Aizawa put quite a pression on him to deny anything, and thats exactly what he did. Bakugou was almost expelled and got a big red mark on his curriculum. He did save Kota on the Summer camp, and give quite some good advice.

The Bojack drug would probably be called Dynamight.

Shinsou is basicallly another side of bojack and Diane together (severely depressed, basically) , he has addiction problems (many times pushed people to get involved too) and has a deep self hatred, but still tries his best to be a better person. The problem is, hes still selfish and cynical, mainly the person at fault for Todoroki having had to go through rehab on his early 20's and many times inviting Izuku to do drugs together even though he knows just how bad dekus addiction is. He loves and cares for Eri like a little sister, and genuely tries to help Todoroki, but unfortunely good intentions dont mean good actions. Not to say he doesn't do anything selfless or good, he never pressioned Todoroki after rehab (neither Izuku after he became sober (Bakugou would be the one to lead him to his death)) and gives pretty good advice when hes sober. His biggest dream is to do sonething with his life, to make the world a little bit better. Hes quite intellegent and informed in todays affairs (him and Izuku have plenty of good convos and Todoroki isnt an ignorant fool mainly because of him). He worked on a case that investigated the hero comission and risked his entire career to try to expose a bit of Injustice, even If he wasnt sucefull he was still willing to risk It all for his morals.

Holyhock's arc could go through Todorokis eyes, he never quite forgave his mom and she was much more cruel than in canon, Rei would start showing signs of dementia very early in her life. Endeavor cheated quite a lot and had a illegitamet (idk how to spell) child with a side kick. He became sober ever since rehab and lived quite a good life, even with some shitty actions and shitty people around him. Things started to go down after his mom showed up and only worsened once she had to live with him.

(im kinda tired now so ill write more later.)

Wow, you really thought this through 😳 I'm impressed

And although Redbone characters are not as deep as Bojack's (or maybe not as realistic as Bojack's), some behavioral patterns can be found between these two anyway.

You have good ideas, if you ever write a fic or smth, hmu 👀