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#seems like they just like starting arguments for the sake of feeling superior
gayvampyr · 2 years
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y’all piss me off im going to bed
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micahulrichdraws · 20 days
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I don't think self-deprecation or concern for the person's well-being is ever going to come across well to someone saying they like what you do. Maybe I'm missing something, but there are reasons to like your art besides being miserable. Even if only the truly miserable liked your work, responding to them by pointing out how miserable they must be wouldn't feel great for them. Your art isn't giving them depression, and it's not like you're contributing to net suffering by making art with ~themes~, so it seems unnecessary to bring up. You suggested that if you struggle to enjoy life, and you make something, anyone who resonates will also struggle to enjoy life. I disagree. Some people will like it for completely shallow reasons. Some people have empathy for others' suffering. You can have a decent life and no mental illness and probably still appreciate a well-drawn skeleton. I don't know what kind of art a perfect world would produce, but any world where people are mortal is going to have sadness, and some art will reflect that. Yours isn't uniquely dark.
Sorry if you've gotten 100 asks saying this same thing. I wasn't sure based on the ones you responded to, and I just found your blog. I know it's sort of a joke, bc you do still sell art prints and stuff, so you clearly are okay with people liking your art. Tbh, I /had/ depression for a few years, so I'm not exactly proof against the theory that your art somolehow only appeals to depressed people. It seems unlikely, though. And the way you talk about your art as "garbage" kind of gave me flashbacks to the sort of self-deprecating humor I'd use when I hated myself. I don't know you or how you're doing, but that feeling made me want to say something.
You didn't just miss something, you missed like, everything I've ever said on my blog about like, everything to the point I'm not even sure this was intended for me? Like I'd break it down, point by point and be like 'no what are you smoking' but that'd be a waste of time after the 'why do you think my art gives people depression!?' part of whatever this is. Like, this is offensive levels of trying to make me be someone I'm not for the sake of a hypothetical argument against a strawman. So if, you want to take offense to who I am in case you misclick and end up here again here's an asshole enough of a response to give you a legitimate reason to find me intolerable:
Welcome to my page! I make art, jokes, and bullshit with folks to make people happy. I started doing this when I was big sad, because cheering people up cheers me up. Now, here's the crazy part: some people are very sad, and sometimes they tell me it makes them a small amount of happy, which gives me dopamine and makes me do it again. The word 'some' means 'not everyone', or even 'a fraction of a percentage'. For example, in this case, it means 'most people just like my drawings but some people get an extra lil bit out of it'. I don't take myself seriously because I know that the art world is insanely intimidating to those outside of it, and sometimes artists tend to be egotistical and condescending, a word that means 'having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority'. Naturally, I do everything in my power to avoid that, because I'm a very 'gates open' kinda person.
So, here's the WILD part: in my perfect world I would've never had depression. Now, I know, that would have been inconvenient for you as someone who passed by my page one time, and I do apologize. I also apologize that I don't make 'dark art', because I like frogs and mice doing cool shit. Finally, I apologize for my art having -~*themes and concepts*~-, I know good art only comes from ChatGPT and that was my bad.
Sike, I didn't apologize, my fingers were crossed behind my back when I said that. Fuck you for thinking me not wanting to be around for a decade is 'worth' because I drew a mediocre skeleton, and because somehow sadness is necessary. That line of thinking is so awful, here's a video explaining it:
youtube
PS: the reason my friends and I in these parts call my art 'art garbage' is because that's what my professors called it back in school for like 4 years, back when I started this shitshow. Much love.
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windfighter · 2 years
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We're not having this discussion
Prompt: Shaking
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Windy’s hands were shaking. Yamato was staring at her and she stared right back at him. Kouji sat down in the couch and grabbed the popcorn.
”You’re being a baby”, Yamato said.
Windy’s eyes turned white for a split second. Kouji winced on Yamato’s behalf.
”You’re being a meanie-head”, Windy answered.
Yamato snorted.
”What a very adult comeback.”
”What are they arguing about?” Kouji whispered to Gaby.
Gaby shrugged.
”Something about the lava-fields? I didn’t really listen.”
”I am going to murder you and everything you hold dear”, Windy said.
”I’d like to see you try”, Yamato answered.
Kouji took another handful of popcorn. Maybe he should step between them, but he was a bit curious about how far they would take it. Windy clenched her hands.
”I’m not going there.”
The air around her seemed to be vibrating, about to explode. Kouji put one of the popcorns in his mouth.
”We need their help.”
The air of superiority that hang around Yamato made Kouji want to side with Windy just for the sake of it. He was starting to figure out what the argument was about at least.
”They’re not on our side and you don’t need me to ask them.”
”She has a point”, Kouji said.
Both Yamato and Windy glared at him. He shrugged and ate another popcorn.
”Just saying”, Kouji said.
Yamato crossed his arms over his chest.
”If we’re going to convince the royal knights to join us against the person supposed to protect that world we need to be united for it.”
Ice covered the floor beneath Windy’s feet and Kouji pulled his own feet into the couch.
”I am not going to the lava-fields.”
”Because you’re being a baby.”
White energy gathered at Windy’s hands. Kouji dropped the bowl of popcorns to the floor and quickly stepped between the two. The air was absolutely freezing near Windy.
”Alright, let’s take a step back.”
Windy glared at Yamato. Yamato glared back. Kouji lifted his hands to hold them back.
”Because last time”, Windy said between gritted teeth, ”I nearly died.”
She turned her back to Yamato, walked away. Kouji’s gaze followed her as she disappeared up the stairs. Yamato let out a deep sigh and pulled a hand through his hair.
”...She has a point”, Kouji repeated.
”Don’t you think I know that? Do you remember the royal knights?”
Kouji let his hands fall down. He remembered them, their strenght, the way they had judged the group. Yamato buried his fingers in his hair and stared at the ceiling.
”It’s not like I want to lose her.”
”Someone’s love-struck”, Kouji teased and poked Yamato’s side.
Yamato rolled his eyes and put his hands in his pockets instead. He went over to the couch and sat down. Both Gabumons looked at him.
”The chosen children have always done better together”, Yamato said as if that explained his reasoning.
”Chosen children”, Kouji said. ”We’re not really kids any longer.”
”We’re still teenagers.”
”You and Windy are almost 18.”
”Stop pretending you’re the adult one here, then.”
Kouji sat down next to Yamato. He pulled his feet up and sat crosslegged on the couch. Gaby crawled up next to him and laid down across his lap, while Gabumon sat down next to Yamato.
”We can’t force her”, Kouji said and looked at the ceiling. ”And I don’t think either of us have the moral highground to tell her we need to stick together.”
”So what? We’ll just… not ask for their help? Let the digiworld succumb to the whims of… whoever is in charge of those stupid blue towers?”
Kouji shrugged again.
”Mats and Hugo can go there. Kouichi’ll go with them. If they need us they can contact us.”
”We’re just supposed to wait on the sideline?” Yamato asked.
Kouji blinked. Looked at Yamato. The two dots finally connected.
”You’re scared of being sidelined again”, he said.
Yamato blushed and looked away.
”I’m not.”
”Of feeling like you’re only dragging the rest of us down!”
Kouji laughed. Yamato glared at him, but Kouji kept laughing.
”For Bokomon’s sake… get over yourself”, he said and stood up.
Gaby fell to the floor, but stood up again almost instantly. Kouji put his hands in his pockets and shook his head.
”I’m gonna talk with Windy and then we’ll make a plan together with the others. You do you.”
He lifted a hand, waved, and headed towards the stairs.
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yandere-daydreams · 4 years
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Kinktober - Day Twenty-Eight
Prompt: Size Kink
Pairing: Malleus/Reader (Twisted Wonderland)
TW: Dub-Con, AFAB!Reader, Revoked Consent, Implied Double Penetration, Mentions of Blood, Mention of Death, and Non-Graphic Violence.
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Malleus Draconia, Prince of the Fae, heir to the throne of the Valley of Thorns, was exactly two-hundred and two centimeters tall. Six and a half feet, seventy-nine inches - eighty, if you rounded up. And, for the sake of argument, you were.
Two-hundred centimeters tall, with the horns.
You… were not two-hundred centimeters tall, and you didn’t have horns.
You didn’t usually mind. He was taller than you, sure, but he was taller than most, and if his height wasn’t enough to make his company seem small, his scoff and his cold stare and his condescending, patronizing, oh-so-superior demeanor would be. Not to imply you didn’t like Malleus, you loved him, but he had a way of eclipsing you, making you into something… lesser, than you really were. It was more apparent than it usually was, like this, his hair disheveled and his chest nearly touching yours and your head tilted back, eyes cast upward in a vain attempt to see his face, but there was little comfort in the indulgence, in the intimacy of being nestled in your boyfriend’s lap as he smiled lovingly, adoring you as he would any treasure. It was reassuring. You wanted to be reassured, and you wanted to let Malleus make you feel safe, and yet, just being so close to him was nerve-racking. You couldn’t help it, anyone would be intimidated. You had a right to be, honestly.
It was bad enough that he was so big, but you could handle that. Or, you thought you’d be able to, at least.
You just didn’t understand why their had to be two of them.
Luckily, he seemed to sense your discomfort, your anxiety. Despite being able to feel his cock-- no, cocks, one pressed against his stomach and the other caught in his fist, Malleus pumping lazily as you lifted yourself onto your knees, he was quick to cup your cheek with his unoccupied hand, pressing a light kiss into the top of your head, his lips lingering against your scalp as he spoke. “Is something wrong, my love?” The question was asked softly, sweetly. You wanted to melt into it, and you tried your best to, burying your face in the crook of his neck and attempting to ignore your trepidation. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were scared of me.”
You were, but you couldn’t admit that. All night, he’d been so patient, spending hours stretching you open with his fingers and his tongue and making you cum until the oversensitivity was almost too much to take, until you were dripping onto him from just the hint of contact - it was the least you could do to give him what he’d worked so hard for. “It’s nothing, I just….” You tried to sound cautious, as you explained yourself, but it came out wavering, meek. As faltering as your faith that he wouldn’t split you open and break you, in the process. “I didn’t think it’d be so…”
There was a breathy chuckle, a smirk soon pressed against your skin. You couldn’t see his expression, but you knew him well enough to picture exactly what kind of face he was making, and it did little to soothe your embarrassment. “You didn’t think it’d be so big?”
Rotten prince. Arrogant bastard. You could’ve slapped him, you could’ve grabbed your clothes and left him, aching and unsatisfied, for the tone he’d used alone, but any rebuttal you might’ve had hitched in your throat as his hand dropped to your waist, palm pressing into your hip as he guided you downward, onto him, your slick cunt struggling to take so much as the head of his cock. Something between a moan and a whine forced its way out of your throat before you could stifle it, but that was all you could communicate before your jaw locked involuntarily, your knees shaking and your whole body curling towards him, curling away from him, clinging to Malleus in an attempt to escape the awful, abrupt searing and fall into the hot bliss of being so full, of knowing that you’d barely taken half of him and were already struggling, of thinking that maybe, maybe if you’d had the will to move on your own, you would’ve been able to trace the shape of his cock bulging out of your stomach. It felt good. It felt good, and it felt terrible, and if you loved Malleus any less, you thought you might be able to hate him for it.
On his part, there was another airy chuckle, one that faded into a low groan as you clenched around him. “See? My favorite human’s a resilient one.” His voice was shaking, now, but only barely, the slight tremble hardly noticeable under your pulse and your own heavy breathing. His grip tightened, fingertips digging into your side, but you couldn’t say you were much better, your nails burrowed into his shoulders, close to breaking the skin, if he’d been any weaker. “So good to me… so fucking tight. It feels like I could just--”
Again, his grip tightened, his other hand coming to steady your shaking form. For a moment, the gentle nudges you were comforting. For a moment, they stayed comforting, and for a brief, precious moment, you thought you might, actually, really enjoy this.
Then, he stopped pushing and started shoving, and any hope you had dissolved in the blink of an eye.
It hurt. More than anything, it hurt, his cock pounding into your cervix as your hips were forced to slot against his, your small moans turning to ragged sobs in less than an instant. There was a spark of pleasure, an undeniable heavenly pressure, but those were quick to fade, fleeting, and the tension was still there, the awkward twitching and the sudden notion that you were going to die, and Malleus was going to be the one to do it. 
That was what it felt like, honestly. You hadn’t been ready, you hadn’t been prepared, and now, you were going to burst open or start bleeding or shatter, like a plane of glass hit with something solid and heavy and that wouldn’t stop thrusting into it. Malleus didn’t waste time, wrapping an arm around your waist as he held you to his chest, keeping you as close to him as possible while he ground into you, doing so little but making you feel too much. He barely had to move, barely had to buck his hips to abuse that sensitive spot at your core, to make tears cloud your vision and pussy drool every part of you go stiff every time he found something new to rip through. “That’s it,” He muttered, the words whispered, more for him than yourself. “I knew you could take it, knew you could take me. So good, so beautiful, so perfect.”
He was bleeding, now, he had to be, something cold and thick running over your hands as your nails tore thin, jagged lines in his arms, but Malleus didn’t seem to care, didn’t seem to notice. When you whimpered, he only hummed. When you cried out, he cooed, like you were throwing a tantrum. Like you were a pet that needed to be calmed down, before it could be doted on. “Please,” You gasped, when you finally remembered how to. “Please, please stop, I don’t think I can-- I think I’m going to break if you--”
“You’ll be fine.” He didn’t say anymore more, he didn’t have to. In the blink of an eye, the space between one second and another, you were thrown onto your back, the air forced out of your lungs as Malleus thankfully, forgivingly, mercifully pulled  out, drawing back until you could only feel the tip of his cock. You let yourself take a deep breath, the shock fading and relief taking its place, but his voice broke through what little reprieve you’d been able to find. “You’ll be fine, and I’ll take care of it, if you’re not. You’re making me feel good, and that’s what you want, right? To make you lover happy?”
You tried to shake your head. You tried to yell, to do anything, but the refusal died on your tongue as something else prodded at your entrance, massive and leaking and just as monstrous as the first intrusion. If Malleus cared that you hadn’t answered, if he cared about you at all, his lust outweighed his guilt. It must’ve. You didn’t think you could stand the thought that he’d do this with a clear head.
Malleus was so big, so imposing, so strong, so important. You’d always told yourself you didn’t mind, and to an extent, you hadn’t. You’d never had a reason to.
You’d managed to forget that, when you’re used to being the biggest person in the room, it's easy to ignore the complaints of creatures so insignificant.
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tiffanytoms · 3 years
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Okay, so I was gonna let this review just rot where it was, but — as “Rebecca” intended — obviously I can’t stop thinking about it. And while I’m an adult who can’t get insulted out of a fandom and shamed from creating the art I wanna share, maybe the next person they try to come for will be silenced bc of this one person’s warped point of view and their insistence on spreading the superiority of their personal beliefs and boundaries. And that’s dumb — especially since they seem incapable of reading a warning.
Drama ahead. 🌶
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Big sigh. Biiiiiiiiiig fucking sigh.
First of all, I want to say how frigging stupid this is, because I know me and this girl are on the same side even if she’s too holier-than-thou to see it. We’re both attracted to Jily for a reason, and one of those reasons is we’re not all those things she just superficially accused me of.
Second, this review is just so pretentious and condescending that… dude. I mean, I guess it’s no surprise that she read something that upset her on this forum, but instead of addressing it here, she anonymously wrote a review on FF and not AO3, because one allows for responses and one doesn’t. I can infer that she didn’t want an actual dialogue or nuanced discussion about the topics she brought up, but instead just wanted to lecture someone and feel better about herself. That much is obvious, but here we go anyway.
I acknowledge that anytime you have to start an argument by saying “I’m not racist or antisemitic like you just implied” you’ve already lost — something I’m sure she was well aware of, because this seems like an accusation she is well versed with leveling to try to win the moral high ground — but I’ll start with that bc, ffs, obviously I’m not, and I don’t condone any form of racist or antisemitic behavior. We just don’t live in the same reality where a fanfiction written of two characters from Harry Potter fucking each other all over the castle (which is literally the entire premise and point of the story…) mean such a thing. Like, wtf man. What type of twisted, trigger-happy universe does she live in? Stories can exist for purely hedonistic purposes and don’t need to have a moral. This isn’t a children’s book — it’s an adult fiction that was labeled and tagged as such.
And I don’t normally talk for other people (but I don’t think they’ll mind in this case), but I don’t think that either my readers or I are friggin nazi sympathizers for enjoying a story where a good girl fucks a bad guy (a premise as old as time). Again. For fuck’s sake. Saying such a thing is super insulting to people who actually have to deal with issues like fucking nazis. (Have your minds all melted from the stupidity of this all? Bc mine has.)
She asked me to consider what I’m writing, but I’d ask her to consider the slander she’s slinging. Because these insults aren’t just directed at me, but everyone who might have enjoyed a bout of escapism — perhaps from some of the very same shit she’s pretending she cares about and wanted to virtue signal every chance she got. (We get it. You think you’re a “very good person” and people who enjoy kinky sex are not.) But she forgot: it’s a flipping story. No one is getting hurt, it is meant for pure, unadulterated enjoyment. She knew she wouldn’t like it, but she read it anyway. She even acknowledged this fact in the first line of her review when she said that to her, Jily was inherently good. Great! Then don’t read a fic where one of them isn’t!! I think she came in wanting something to be mad about (and again, make herself feel superior) and then was glad that she found it so she could flaunt that feeling. So, at the very least, I hope writing that review gave her whatever she wanted out of the confrontation. No really — I do. Because that she’s trying to stifle someone from making art means she’s probably dealing with some shit, and I really do hope whatever she’s going through gets better. Because she said she didn’t understand why I wrote this fic, but girl, you’re just like the main character: you knew something was going to be bad for you… and you did it anyway. That is the entire premise of EW. So… maybe reading it helped her come to terms with herself a little bit? 🤷🏼‍♀️ One can hope.
More on the original point, I can’t believe I have to explain such a thing as perspective, but here it goes: how people interpret themes and characters, and whole fucking dramas that they’ve made up in their heads, is not how other people do. I’m glad she cares about such things as social justice — I really am, and more people should care in the real world — but trying to shame people out of what turns them on is not the way to achieve those goals. It’s a waste of her energy and mine defending myself when, AGAIN, I know we’re on the same fucking side. She isn’t making the world a less shitty place by making people feel ashamed of being turned on by the two people they want to see fucking, fucking. She’s just not. If she needs me to elaborate that further, she’s probably a child that shouldn’t be reading this kind of story (condescending remarks that make false assumptions about you aren’t fun, are they?) or an adult that knows that kink-shaming is no longer socially acceptable, but is still having a really hard time putting that principle into practice — opting instead to be a performative ally and merely say she’s cool with kink.
“This is just two people with extremely questionable morals fucking.”
Yes!
Yes!!!! Exactly as I said it would be in the warning!!!!
Exactly what some people wanted to read and enjoyed reading and shouldn’t feel ashamed for having done so!
“How is this any better than, say, Snily, Jegulus, or Drarry? Everyone claims to bash those ships while … writing a version of that?”
This is such a bad faith argument, but I’ll bite. For the first part, I spent 200k words describing how it’s different (your prejudices and superiority complex are really showing with your phrasing there…), so if you want to comprehend that, feel free to hate read it again. For the second claim… you make a lot of assumptions about others, but no I don’t bash other ships, I let people live their lives free of judgement. It’s not that hard.
“What I do not understand is why the same smut couldn’t have been with, like, good Jily?”
………. Because the whole premise is she wants to hook up with someone that she shouldn’t want to. Like. “Okay, why can’t you just have your story without the plot?” What kind of question is this 🤯 I already wrote canon Jily. If morally dubious content is not your jam, don’t read it, but don’t shame people for wanting to read something different than everything else out there with their Jily. How I write Jily doesn’t threaten you.
Also, just… the audacity to read an entire fic you claim to hate, and then complain about something that was in the prelude the whole time. I mean… I just?? 🤨 I warned it was not a romance, I warned it was an unhealthy relationship, and seriously? Lily turns out to be a bad guy that rules them all, so I dunno man…
Take your puritanical pearls and go clutch them somewhere else.
👋
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natsukitakama · 4 years
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Being in relationship with Zeke Yeager would include
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*looking respectfully* 
Author note : I know some people aren’t quite found of him and I can understand. But I know some of you simp for him (me too don’t worry). I hope you’ll enjoy this. 
i do not own that gif I found it on google so credit to the owner (if you know them please let me know)
Warning : mention of spoiler if you haven’t season 2, 3 et 4 / slight nsfw cause I’m going to hell / fluffy because we derserve it 
Masterlist 
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Annoying. Not in a bad way but this man can’t shut up, he always has something to tell just because he loves seeing you getting flustered or angry because of him. 
That’s just how he is. He loves teases people and get the most of them. It’s even worse with his S/O 
Typically if you want to kiss him (private or in public won’t matter although he might prefers being private about his relationship) he would litteraly make you beg for it. « Couldn’t you wait until we’re home ? So needy Y/N » 
Since he was educated to be a leader he is pretty god at reading people’s body language and won’t hesitate to use it on you. 
Not a surprise here you barely got a fight : the man barely loses his temper and since he can read you like an open book he knows exactly what to do to avoid situation like this. 
Nonetheless it doesn’t mean he can’t provide every argument. So yeah times to times you two fight, most of the time because you know he is hiding something from you, and everytime you confront him about it he just brushes if off telling you, you’re being paranoid or something. 
Although he got a huge ego so yeah he might act as if he was smarter than you and would tell you so.
He is kinda mean and cold and even though he is trying his best to cherish you, sometimes he says things he shouldn’t tell. It ends up with you crying or trying not to (but he can tell) and just leave him. 
Man he hates it. Everytime he got to see his grandparents and everytime they scold him for being an assholes to you. 
And everytime he could come back to you with a gift either a book that you might be interest on, flowers or even jewellery if you are into that. 
He would apologize for being a dick to you
100% end up making sweet love just to be sure he is forgiven (also because he misses your touch but shhh he has a reputation) 
Don’t lie to him. He would know. As I said before he can read people and especially your body’s language. It took you a long time before owning his trust, don’t give him reason to not trust you : it you want to say something tell him.
He is pretty blunt himself so he won’t mind and actually would love it if you are confident and comfortable enough with him to talk about anything
Like I said earlier he might want to be cautious with your relationship, not because he is ashamed or anything but he knows that not everyone loves him and he is afraid that they might use you against him as a threat. He can’t tolerate that (also because he will betray his own army, he doesn’t want you to get hurt or worst because of him) 
Yeah because you’re not a part of his plan, he never talked about anything related to his plan. 
It might surprise you but I don’t think he is actually good at flirting. He is pretty blunt and not that subtle, he won’t go as far as to say « I think you’re hot » on your first meeting but still you will notice that he was more talkative with you. 
Maybe it’s a fantaisie of mine but I think he would love send you letters : he tends to be more sensual while writing. You always got a letter when you start your day at work and if he couldn’t manage to be with you that or even call you during work, he’ll send you another one with flower to apologize. 
But he can be smooth when he wants to, especially when he is teasing you : that’s his way of flirting with you. He can’t help but feel like he has to tease you just to see you with a pout on your face. (His heart melt everytime he saw you like this) 
He tends to be more rough with his teasing if he is dating a male than a women, his grandma raise him to treat women like queen so he will oblige. 
He daydreams a lot about you, sometimes it’s just about you laying on his chest sleeping like a baby, he could literally feel your soft hair on his hands as he stroke them. Sometimes it’s more sensual, as he could easily remember the touch of your skin against his hands, the whimper that left your lips each time he is kissing you, sucking you, bitting you, the way you gripped his shoulder as he was pouding into your core relentless. 
It didn’t help that everything seemed to remember him of you, when he is drinking is usual coffee at 10 AM he got a memory of you cooking his breakfast whistling softly as you were happy to cook some meal for your man. When is having his tea after his lunch time the flower scent coming from his tea makes him of your perfume. His book and paper on his desk, reminds him of you when you’re overworking, claiming that your mess make actually sense for you and that no you weren’t just too lazy to clean up. 
If he claims himself to be good when it came to emotion and to keep everything for himself, his grand-parent noticed something about his behavior. He seemed more clean and presentable (not that it wasn’t the case but he wasn’t the one to take extra attention of his looks), he was more polite always trying to not swear or at least not that much, they noticed him looking somewhere as if he was looking for someone. 
Sometimes he calls you just to annoy his superior (cause he knows they survey him), just to talk about anything but especially to talk trash about some embarrassing things. But since he never used a name or something they never know if he was talking to you or someone he just slept with. Occasionally he would talk about embarrassing story about this superior, he knows he won’t be punished otherwise it would be a proof that he was telling the truth earlier. 
He is possessive not like Porco or Eren where they would let their anger scare the poor people trying to talk to you, he is smart enough to know when someone is hitting on you or when someone is just speaking to you. But still, he doesn’t like when he sees somebody being too touchy on you. How dare they ? He is commander, smart, handsome, strong and that poor people think they could challenge him ? 
During time like this after, kicking that poor person out of your way, he would take you home. Don’t ever think you leave this house, he won’t stop loving you until you can’t walk and the only thing you could remember is his own name. 
Be careful, Zeke is patient very patient. 
If you think he won’t edge you until you’re crying mess for release you’re wrong. He tends to tease you and make you beg to cum, so when he feels like he has to remind you who you belong to, one word can describe your night with him : intense (yeah because not only will he edge you but he’ll also overstimulate you and if you’re crying because it’s too much he would just look at you as if he was surprised « oh ? Too much ? But I thought you wanted to cum ?". 
He doens’t want children for multiple reason and he won’t like if you keep ask him about it : he doesn’t want to be a father please respect his decision. (He would try to explain to you his opinion so it won’t appear as a selfish decision) 
Some nights, he feels guilty for not explaining to you his plan, what he wants for future but he knows it’s for your own sake. You couldn’t take it and he is aware that he is not mean to last forever and than one day you would wake up and he won’t be there for you, he is already acting like a an asshole because he is taking your love while he knows he would die eventually (quicker than you he hopes), he won’t put any pressure because of his plan. 
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thestarminstrel · 3 years
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as requested, i am now considering figure skater au. would love to hear more thoughts on said au 👀
ohohoho 👀 let me absolutely indulge you on my nonsense
so i do have a sketch page with this au but i'll briefly summarize it here:
(also! if anyone wants to borrow this au plotline or concept, please feel free to :D just credit me and send me what you make!)
- nick is a hockey player for kingston lions and seiji is an olympic level figure skater
- they both use the same rink at kingston, and this ofc is where our conflict arises
- seiji frankly believes that nick's team is terrible since they have won 0 championships and calls nick "zero". because of this, he often begins his own practice early or lets it run late -- cutting into the hockey team's time reservation
- nick has tried numerous times to get the staff to do something but like, tf are they gonna do? seiji is olympic level and they don't wanna be the idiots who denied seiji his practice space and loose revenue (tho it should be noted that seiji is competing for the grand prix in this one -- not the olympics). so nick begins calling seiji "princess" since he's a giant brat :)
- the two don't get along at all -- and i mean at all. they're livid whenever they run into each other and are at each other's throats
- however, coach williams thinks she can get the boys to the connecticut state championships. since nick is the center (position that plays both offensive and defensive), she calls in a favor with dmytro and asks him to work with nick on his form so he can be extra speedy fast.
- guess who dmytro also coaches? that's right. seiji :)))
- they both find this out when dmytro introduces the two and says he doesn't have time to be coaching them separately. they are pissed to say the least (when nick complains to williams, she makes him do suicides which stops him from complaining anymore).
- couple weeks pass, seiji and nick are still not happy but they just barely manage to exist on the same ice. the kingston lions have their first game soon and seiji has first set of qualifying competitions to get through. the hockey team is getting their full practices in, and seiji just goes for some extra practice after they finish up -- despite the ice not being smooth enough for his liking.
- one evening, nick stayed later to sharpen his skates using the rink's equipment. as he exits the locker room though, he hears the sound of skates against ice and assumes that it can only be seiji, so he decides to sneak a peek. he's only seen portions of seiji's routine since he's super secretive about it.
- and his routine is absolutely gorgeous. nick's jaw hangs open the whole time, and he can't deny that seiji really is a talented skater. like he's never really given a shit about the sport, but he can see seiji's passion for it with every turn and contouring of his body. his face too, usually scrunched up in one of displeasure or superiority, was lax and blissful.
- nick disappears quietly, seiji being none the wiser, and he goes home haunted by the images of seiji dancing and realizing that this giant prick is actually kind of beautiful.
- fast forward a week and nick has his first game. seiji is pissy bc it means that he won't get his evening practice, and nick makes the snap decision to invite seiji to his game. they're both surprised by it -- perhaps even more so when seiji accepts with a sneer. if only to prove his point that the lions are terrible.
- few hours later and seiji is in the stands: displeased at being jostled around so much by so many fans (which he is surprised that the kingston lions even have), but settles in to watch the game.
- nick is a speed monster on the ice, dmytro's coaching clearly having paid off, and the lions take home a 6-2 victory. and seiji isn't sure why, but for some odd reason, zero looks almost handome (in a rugged way) under the stadium lights with his wide smile and excited cheering with his teammates.
- he also goes home thinking of someone he was sure he would only think thoughts of malice of.
- another week passes by and seiji's first competition comes up. by some stroke of uncharacteristic brashness, he invites nick to come watch it. he fully accepts nick to reject the invitation, but surprisingly nick does accept it.
- seiji competes, places first, and nick sees the whole thing. even got seiji a bouquet of congratulatory roses and daphnes ("figured you'd win, princess. after all, there has to be some talent underneath that bratty and stuck-up personality of yours.").
- seiji immediately puts the flowers in water when he gets home -- if only to not let a gorgeous gift go to waste (he absolutely does not press a rose and a few daphnes when they start to wilt, not at all).
- more time goes on, the lions make it to the playoffs and seiji is preparing for the first competition of the grand prix series. the two of them are sort of warmed up to each other? def not best buddies, but they're not trying to tear each other's throats out with their skates. nick has been sneaking glances at seiji skating during that time -- his favorite time is during the evening when it seems that seiji skates for himself. seiji on the other hand, has gone to almost to every single one of nick's games without nick being aware of it.
- however, the plot must to go on, and seiji catches nick during one of those evenings nick stayed behind to watch seiji. nick fully expects seiji to blow up at him -- and for them to loose what tedious progress they had made -- but instead he gets an extremely rare blush out of the skater.
- for the sake of time, seiji is skating a different routine after hours and after being pressed about it, he reveals it is about a certain someone who he definitely likes a little more than just an acquaintance. and it's a routine he choreographed himself.
- nick's a bit "woah holy crap" with this information and it does pester his mind for a bit, wondering who tf this person is. but he does say that it's prob his fav routine of seiji's to watch (which proceeds to pester seiji's brain).
- then we get to the playoffs. the score is 7-7 and there's two minutes left on the clock. nick makes a final push through his stamina and get the last goal right before the clock strikes 0 -- making the score 8-7. however, nick falls on his arm, hard.
- nick breaks his arm, and he's out for the rest of the season. nick is obviously very, very upset about it.
- seiji does visit nick in the hospital before he hops on a plane to the grand prix final (since he made it there whee), and explains he saw what happened since he was there. nick interprets the visit as an act of petty charity and lashes out, taking out his anger and frustration on seiji.
- seiji lashes right back, and the two exchange some pretty hurtful blows. the thing that's important to take away is that nick essentially says that seiji's success as a skater only rests on the choreography of dmytro and his coaching. seiji storms out in a rage, and nick is left feeling like shit.
- a few days later, nick realizes that it's the free skate day of the finals and turns on the tv to the channel -- accepting that the reason he feels like shit is bc he misses seiji's skating.
- however, seiji's free skate is apparently very different from what was expected of him according to the announcers -- but nick recognizes it. it's the same routine that seiji does in his evening practices.
- seiji does place first and wins the grand prix finals (which he previously lost bc of a certain blond skater but that's a plot line for another time). nick realizes that he has to apologize, even if seiji said some nasty things, but what he said was seriously a d*ck thing to say.
- few days later, nick is discharged, and he spends every evening in the rink, waiting on the benches for seiji. who does eventually come after the grand prix final celebrations and resting for a few days. he decides to go for a quick evening skate to clear his mind of a certain hockey player.
- upon seeing nick, seiji is filled with rage and he gives nick the cold shoulder. whenever nick calls for him from across the rink, seiji pretends not to hear him. until eventually, nick decides to take matters in his own hands and make his way across the ice in his sneakers.
- obviously, this idea goes terribly, and he does fall a few feet away from seiji, who finally stops to give him the attention he's been asking for -- fully expecting an argument.
- nick apologizes for what he said and how wrong he was for saying it. he also mentions how lucky the person the routine is for must be. seiji is flabbergasted, not expecting this at all, and reveals that the routine was for nick, all this time. now it's nick's turn to be flabbergasted af :)
- nick starts laughing, which makes seiji extremely confused bc why tf is nick laughing since he was expecting rejection. but nick merely coaxes seiji down and kisses him softly -- and seiji understands.
- the lions do withdraw from the championship since nick is out of commission. they return the next season and do win first in a complete underdog fashion in case anyone is curious. seiji places first in the olympic figure skating event because he's seiji.
and just some other silly notes:
- eugesse is something that happens in this (much to nick's dismay)
- jesse and nick are half-brothers but they find that out down the line
- the lions are composited of the weight lifting bros and the one friend from nick's junior high who remains unnamed
33 notes · View notes
btsandvmin · 3 years
Text
Ask: Reply - 2021.04.16
Time to answer some more of your questions. I have a lot this time, and still a lot left I’ll have to save to another post. You are all very good at being curious and asking interesting questions. There are also some asks that are replies to old asks, and then I’ll include the link to the referenced post.
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This time the topics will be:
Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady” Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content? Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview Ask 9 - The garnet necklace Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook? Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53? Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)
Today’s post is a long one... Enjoy!
Ask 1 - About KTH1 and expectations
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Ok, so I did write a shit post about this... (I mean… This is literally all Vmin’s songs so far ), but I still think your questions are worth a proper answer.
Honestly I think speculating about KTH1 is kind of hard, and as seen in the shit post I am quite torn with my expectations... In general I am the type who doesn’t like to expect too much in fear of being disappointed. I rather be pleasantly surprised. That being said Vmin does have a track record of getting involved in each other’s songs. I mean a lot is just speculation of course, but we do have confirmed cases as well, enough to not be too surprised if they would keep it up and do something for Tae’s solo album as well. (Tae saying his mixtape would be named Jimin back in 2016 still haunts me.)
On the other hand, they have already given us a lot of collabs. Adding more would feel more like a statement, at least if it would be only Jimin out of the members on that album. The thing is that if Vmin would have something “real” or at least if they are a bit careful with how they come across... I am not sure they would do something too “obvious”. But where such a line would be drawn is impossible to know. I mean clearly they managed to write and sing Friends and it worked fine, even if they did get more attention as a ship.
We also know Tae has been quite loud about Jimin in ways that single him out, so maybe they would really dare push the boundaries as far as actually including Jimin in the album somehow. It’s also very possible there could be other members, and honestly we probably shouldn’t hyper focus too much on it and that it has to mean something no matter if anyone is on it or not.
I think one of the rappers being on it is probably more likely out of the members, but it seems Tae has shown an interest in collabs with people outside of BTS, so that’s kind of what I am expecting the most. No matter who in the group is on it I am sure fans will make a big deal out of it, and maybe Tae would rather have his own thing for his first album. I really don’t know how his thoughts would go.
But again, looking at how Tae and Jimin has talked about working together, and have had moments like Tae promising Jimin a song or Tae saying they will work together again... It’s definitely not impossible to get another Vmin song. I do feel it’s more likely for any connections to be vague and not instantly noticeable though (at least not anything romantic looking because we know what happened to the Christmas song). Especially considering how they have only recently revealed things like 4 clock’s inspiration more openly and had Friends followed by Sweet Night. My main stance for any possible real ship is still that they have reason to be careful, and yet another Vmin collab, on Taehyung’s first personal album would probably raise some eyebrows considering everything else we already have. But it could also be me over analyzing them, and maybe they just really like and want to work together. Tae for sure has after all been vocal about this preference and want to work with Jimin.
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So yeah, on one hand they have a track record that is hard to ignore... But on the other I wonder if they might want to add another “point” for ARMY to look at them and their songs. I also don’t want to assume that if there are songs on there that sound romantic that they automatically will be about Jimin. There will have to be legit possible connections for me to acknowledge them.
It’s tricky. I guess we will have to wait and see. I am kind of scared both that there won’t be anything or that there will be SOMETHING. Thank you for the ask, and I hope I shed some light on my thoughts on this subject. Either way I am very excited and looking forward to an album full of Taehyung’s own songs and the stories he wants to tell.
Ask 2 - KTH1 spoiler with “Oh lady”
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I am not sure it is “lady”, since it’s a bit unclear in general. He also has a part that just seems to go “do be do” and I don’t know if the lyrics are even finished or if he worked with someone else etc. We basically lack a lot of information. But even so using lady/her/she etc. in a song doesn’t have to mean it is about a specific person or that the person is a she or that it is Taehyung’s own feelings (I know he said he usually sings about things he have felt, but just saying it doesn’t always have to be). 
Of course I don’t want to downplay it and say it doesn’t mean anything, but considering their fanbase is majority women, they live in a homophobic country and he has even been denied to sing a romantic song with a man before, it’s not impossible to add that to make it more “relatable” or less “gay”. God, that sounds terrible. I don’t want to start discussions where we don’t take their words for what they are, so I hope you might understand my point of view. That being said of course it could just as easily be to or about a specific woman in his life that we don’t know about. Or as you say, he isn’t actually in love but is simply writing love songs that could be inspired by non-romantic relationships or movies etc. as was the case for his inspiration for Winter Bear.
Tae also used “she” in Winter Bear, and that seems a bit forgotten. Or people try to say it has to be about his grandmother... Which we obviously don’t know, it’s just the woman people jump to since he used “she” and many people don’t like the idea of him dating a woman or writing about a woman we don’t know. Either way I think we need to remember that anything is possible and we don’t know them personally and how they think or why they choose to do what they do.
I think we need to remember that there is always going to be the possibility that ships aren’t real, that the romantic songs aren’t about Jimin and that either one of them could be in a relationship with someone else (all genders included).
Ask 3 - Vminies getting superiority complex
Hello! I want to address something that has been bothering me for a while now. I have been seeing some vminnies have a superiority complex just bcoz they ship vmin. Its very rampant among new vminnies and twt vminnies. I get that we all feel validated and happy when out OTP claim to be soulmates and bff. I feel that way too. But people have to remember that vmin are real people and their relationship is dynamic. Like they did grow from bff who used to tease e/o and fight alot to soulmates who are gentle and caring. Who is to say that one day they wont drift apart (i hope not and dont think thats gonna happen but for argument sake) so there is no reason to feel superior or look down on other shippers. 
If people think vminnies are superior bcoz they are not toxic they probably know they are lying. Lbr i have seen my share of toxic vminnies though may be a lesser number but they are there and its not the ship but its that particular person who is at fault. While i agree that some ship theories cultivate hate and toxicity there may be people among those ships who are just as sane and good as we claim to be. I just wanted to address this bcoz seeing some vminnies on twt saying locals thinking vmin were tgt after coway add is a validation kind of triggered me. I m sure there would have been similar responses to any other ship bcoz they all have been tgt for a decade and are very comfortable with e/o. I just wanted to talk to someone about this and i know you have discussed similar topics in the past. So yeah this was very long.
First of all, on request I won’t show your name, but thank you for sending me this and letting me know who you are. It’s always nice to know who is behind the question. But that being said I don’t mind people asking on anon, I totally get it being a lot easier to ask or question things when you don’t have to reveal yourself. Either way I am just glad to get interesting and important topics and I do think the things you bring up are worth talking about.
As you say, there is this thing when people start to feel and act superior for various reasons, and I too have seen some Vminies do this. Getting a lot of moments is sure nice. But honestly, just imagine if another ship came and mocked Vmin or gloated every time they got more moments. It has surely happened too, and I am sure it doesn’t feel very nice when on the negative end. Just be a decent human, ship moments will always vary and it’s great to be happy about getting moments, but there is no need to compare or look down on other ships. I say it again, shipping is not a competition, just enjoy your own ship and let others enjoy theirs.
As for feelings superior based on group behavior I think we really need to stop looking at groups and start looking at individuals, both when it comes to groups we are part of and groups we consider “bad”. I have said it many times, but individuals of other groups we don’t agree with won’t all be bad, or all stupid or young etc. We might want to tell ourselves they are worse, but it really doesn’t change much. 
Being “less bad” it not a merit and it shouldn’t be a competition. We all have our own selves to answer to and we should judge other people based on their actions and not based on what group they might belong to.
I think size and the toxicity of a narrative can lead to more people in certain groups behaving in toxic ways... But I think any person could happen to fall into these behaviors if not careful and aware. Often the change is gradual too, or you feel attacked by the other “rival group” and thus feel it’s justified to attack back, and so it escalates.
Vminies are at the moment as a group smaller, and thus have less “bad apples”. We likely also have a narrative for Vmin that doesn’t require as toxic mindsets, for example extreme jealousy or Vmin being forced to hide. But there for sure are still toxic Vminies, and there are also a lot of non-toxic shippers in all groups. Usually the louder ones are also the worst ones while the chill and nice will remain in their own lane and ship more peacefully. But being part of a smaller group doesn’t make you superior, your actions is what is important.
As for small moments getting noticed or other types of “validation” for your ship, of course it’s going to feel nice. However, what people see and think of any relationship in BTS is still just an outsider view and literally has no meaning for their actual relationship beyond it being a cute moment. That’s why size and popularity also doesn’t matter as any kind of “proof”. Interpretation will always just be interpretation, good or bad, if you like it or not.
Sadly I think we will get more and more toxic behavior from more ships as the fandom grows and as some things get more normalized within those ships’ communities. It’s about certain behaviors growing into a community culture... The more toxicity that is allowed the more others will follow. That’s why bringing up the problems is important, but trying to do so without shunning people so that they don’t go and create their own space where everyone else is the enemy. After all, being open and welcoming and understanding is much more likely to make someone listen and even change their mind than by attacking them.
I answer for my own actions. So does every person. I don’t want to be judged for everything every Vminie or ARMY or Multi K-pop fan etc. has done. Generalization is a huge problem in general, not just in fandoms or ship wars. I do try to be a positive influence, to not judge too harshly and to remember that being hostile won’t help any situation. But that’s about it. I am glad you brought up this topic, because talking about it is important, but sadly I don’t think there is a lot that can be done about it. Just try to be nice and open minded.
Thank you for the ask, I hope you all understood what I wanted to say.
Ask 4 - Not dismissing the bond between Vmin and the other boys
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Thank you. I really see no need for it. It’s clear as day that they all love each other, and even if one pair would happen to be romantic instead of platonic that won’t change. We don’t have to compare and we definitely don’t have to downplay the moments they share with each other. All shippers should at the very least accept the the things they do and say as mostly genuine. I trust BTS and what they show us, it’s that easy.
I know some also get influenced by toxic fans, but we really need to remember that no narratives by fans matter when it comes to reality and what bonds BTS share with each other. They are all great people and seem to have such love and respect for each other I frankly don’t understand how you can be a fan if you think any of it is played up to the point some claim.
Likely no ship in BTS is real, but if any is, to me I am sure the ones involved would be happy and supported by the rest of the members. That’s why it doesn’t really matter what ship would be real or not real as long as they are happy. We shouldn’t let our own views and sometimes want or hopes affect the way be judge their reality. This applies for things outside shipping as well.
Thank you for your kind words. :)
Ask 5 - Other people’s words can influence your thoughts
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Indeed. The brain is a powerful thing. This is very obvious if you are a multi-shipper or a general fan, but BTS truly has a lot of questionable moments between all kinds of pairs. Focus is a interesting thing. If you like something you will notice it more, and you will also remember it more while you forget other moments. Likewise if something is “negative” like a rival ship you are likely to notice them more as well. This happens even if you just watch the general content and get your own bias. Imagine then how it might influence you when others keep repeating either your happy interpretations or things you worry about? You’ll get it stuck in your head and remember it more than other things.
Like isn’t it funny how we might gush about Vmin sharing beds, or worry about ji/kook or tae/kook cuddling while hope/kook literally sleep wrapped around each other in both Bon Voyage 3 and 4? Sometimes it’s all about perspective.
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By now we need to realize that fan perspective will influence us a lot. And in particular if a lot of people say it or if it is presented in a way that makes it sound logical and intelligent. Words have power. 
I still think using “Vmin is dead” or spreading worry often in itself leads to people thinking it and it being somehow accepted as fact. In similar fashion getting to hear about certain ships or certain narratives will make us notice things in relation to that. My own words and posts too will have influence on some people that read them. That’s why I try to be so careful, and why I try to avoid using strong words or claims that might cement themselves in someone’s mind. (I’ll actually talk more about the power of language in my big analysis as well)
Thank you for your input, it’s definitely an interesting thing to consider and another aspect of why shipping mentality is so complicated. 
Ask 6 - Vmin not sharing rooms in Bon Voyage Malta
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Hi and yes, I have answered this before HERE, but it’s ok. I know it’s not easy finding old topics amongst my collection posts.
Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN Collection of asks 3 - BTSandVMIN
In short I think Vmin wanted to share rooms but that Taehyung got fooled when Jimin stopped him from checking the upper room. Because it seemed like Jimin stopped him from walking into that room by saying he couldn’t peak Tae probably assumed it wasn’t Jimin’s room and that when Jimin said it was his room he was joking (his face was definitely something). So yeah, I think he just got fooled by Jimin’s statement about not being allowed to look inside the room before picking. There are other interesting things about this whole moment, but the one thing we should take away from it is how it is one out of now many examples that seem to show that Vmin have a preference to share rooms/beds. Thank you for the ask. :)
Ask 7 - Has being a Vmin shipper always been so overwhelming with all the content?
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I wouldn’t say it’s something recent. I say it often, but we really do get very intense periods from time to time with many of the ships. For example in February 2017 with ISAC, fan signs and everything else we got a lot of Vmin too. I remember being overwhelmed myself, and that was coming out of BST era Vmin. We got many moments every day and that’s just one specific period I can remember. 
 Over the years sometimes we do get these very intense days or weeks with a lot of moments at once. Usually I get asks like “do you think something is up with Vmin lately” or “wow I can’t believe how much Vmin we have gotten lately” but really, it’s hard to tell, because it really does happen from time to time. I also still say we always get Vmin moments regularly as long as we get BTS content, but sometimes a bit more and sometimes less. I am sure there will be more times when we also get “Vmin is dead“ and worried people because we get less moments than they expect. It just happens, up and down and around it goes.
As for what ships are big I will definitely say Ji/kook and Tae/kook are the biggest, but that all BTS ships are big by now. Meaning as soon as we do get moments it will be seen online. Especially if you follow people who talk about it of course. I also think what platform you are on can result in some ships being seen more than others. For example I know ji/kook is by far the biggest BTS ship here on Tumblr while Youtube seems to have more tae/kookers.
Thank you for the ask. Let’s hope Vmin keeps overwhelming us. (But let’s not start to worry if they don’t) ;)
Ask 8 - “Just a friend” interview
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Ah yes, I have a bit of a soft spot for this interview myself. I am not sure, but I think it might be from 2017 (since Tae wrote a birthday letter to Jimin in 2016), or at least that’s when I found it and saved it down. I haven’t actually tracked the original source. You can find the translation in the link shared HERE, credits to @95z​.
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Seeing this close after the chaos of Let’s BTS and other letter confessions it really does seem very cringe for them to express sincere thoughts in these more formal ways. I can’t blame them. 
I do think this interview is yet another example of how much Vmin has tried to adapt to each other, learn and be more open with expressing how they feel. They literally inspire and learn from each other in how to express themselves. Isn’t it completely endearing? 
I also love how they get each other to feel strong emotions and how they are there for each other when in need. On a slightly more analytical note I also can’t help but note the “just a friend” vs “soulmate” descriptions and how they seem to have a hard time putting it into proper words. We already know this of course, but yeah... They really don’t have an easy time describing their relationship.
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Thank you so much for sharing this moment. I was going to talk about it in my big analysis anyways, but honestly I can’t save everything for it, and you mentioned it so who am I to keep it to myself.
Ask 9 - The garnet necklace
Oh yeah, I know that JK wore it once and that the talk was that a fan gave it to all of maknae line. Not much was ever confirmed from what I know, but regardless it doesn’t change why I think it’s a Vmin/soulmate necklace and why I see it as special.
Here is the thing, when I use “Vmin thing” it really doesn’t have to be exclusive. To me it’s the context around it and how they have used it and even reacted to it that makes the garnet necklace something special for Vmin. In the case of the soulmate necklace Vmin wore it a lot. Almost constantly during a big part of 2017 and even a bit into 2018. They also wore it at the same time a lot. I find this very cute, and we all know “couple items” is something all fans enjoy even if it would just be a platonic relationship behind it. But if both of them wearing it was all there was, as a lot of Vmin sharing clothes (or BTS in general sharing clothes) I wouldn’t really think too much about it beyond it being cute. It could still be just a cute thing that Vmin did, but I personally see it as something beyond the normal clothes/jewelry sharing.
(At the very least you can remember Vmin did this while people thought their relationship was dead, which doesn’t make much sense to do if you hate or dislike someone.)
The things I find more noteworthy about this necklace is the fact that the fandom picked up on it and because they wore it so much and so often at the same time it was dubbed the “soulmate necklace”. Possibly knowing this Tae also brought specific attention to the necklace at two times, as if wanting to show it off. Interestingly enough, in one of these times Jimin seemed to ignore Taehyung who was bringing attention to it on purpose. For me it came across as another thing Taehyung wanted to show off and that Jimin was a bit more careful about. 
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Of course I could have read it wrong, maybe Jimin just misunderstood. But even so, Tae did bring attention to it in specific relation to Jimin. You can watch the clip HERE. (BTS Tell Us What They Love About Each Other & An Update On Tony & Nate From America Hustle Life) 
The other time was in Run ep. 39, right after Vmin talked about being in school together and showing off their school uniforms. If Tae is the one to try and highlight something, I feel it likely has some meaning to him at least.
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Either way the necklace is basically a symbol of Vmin’s relationship and the fact that they liked it so much and wore it together during a long period I think they liked wearing it not only because they both happened to like the design but because they both had it. If JK also had one and didn’t use it of course it could include him, but I will still say it remains significant for Vmin’s bond with each other.
As for buying a necklace together they haven’t talked about this one in particular, but Tae did mention he bought his tiger necklace with Jimin in NY, so maybe you are mixing the two things up?
Ask 10 - Vmin in CMs
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Thank you for loving my blog and for the ask! :) I am not sure if you perhaps meant in a lot of BTS own photoshoots/units as well, but I’ll focus on CMs in this post since that was your direct example. I might go a bit beyond here, but I saw it as a good chance to revisit some Vmin ad moments.
I wouldn’t personally say we have gotten “way more” but I do think because of their Friends unit they got to do some more interviews together and some CM stuff too. I also think we have gotten more BTS commercials in general now, likely because it’s an income alternative to touring during the pandemic. So that obviously means more CMs, and more chances for them to be paired up. They also have gotten paired with others of course (like in the Bodyfriend CM or Baskin Robbins), but most commonly they aren’t divided in smaller groups at all.
We also have gotten Vmin paired up before, both in photoshoots and in CMs. Of course we saw some great ones in 2016 with Puma and NUGU, but I don’t think we got that much more in 2016 and before than in 2017-2019. I think what we can see is BTS having more endorsements after Covid.
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Like honestly, the Puma adds are iconic. Of course the original one, but also the revisits from 2018. Puma definitely seemed to like to pair Vmin in particular. (There are so many good examples from Puma that I’m not including)
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We also got a snippet in the Hyundai one, also from 2018.
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Another snippet from the Coconut Chicken ad from 2017.
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I mean, I don’t know if I should count the snippets at all, like from BTS x VT cosmetics in 2019, but I feel sometimes just being seen in the same frame seems to get attention as being paired up so. (I decided to not include being together when it’s at least a third member in the frame)
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And guys... Have you ever watched BTS and the milk song?
What did we get so far more recently? In 2020 we had the Hyundai interview.
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And the hyundai #PositiveEnergyChallenge
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Fila provided a nice one, also from 2020.
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Samsung gave us a snippet recently.
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Coway was basically couple goals and like the best one in my own opinion (besides Puma because it is going to take a lot to beat Puma).
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But other than that? I don’t think we have seen it that much, have we? I am not complaining or anything, like I am happy with what we got, but I don’t know if it’s that much. I might forget some obvious ones, but these were the ones I had top of mind. Feel free to add ads if you can think of more recent ones that I left out.
So I think we have gotten more BTS ads in general, also more where they are not all of them or single focus, and that we have seen maybe Vmin getting paired a little more after Friends. But to me there is such a small difference I can’t really say if it is anything particular to Vmin or just BTS doing more CMs.
I mean, I don’t have a sheet of who has been paired with who and how many times over the years. But either way I don’t think we should look too deeply into things like CMs or even photoshoots units. Thanks for the ask though, I hope you enjoyed this mini collection. :)
Ask 11 - Taehyung uncomfortable about shipping/tae*kook?
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So this is a thought sent in after THIS ASK though it really brings up a new subject, which is that of Tae possibly being uncomfortable with shipping. As for Tae saying that to a tae/kooker in particular I think we have to remember it could very easily just have been in the moment and we can’t know why he decided to reply to that person in particular.
The Vmin post was not invasive and it wasn’t romantic. I mean, I do think Tae keeps showing again and again that if there is any person in BTS that is special to him it’s Jimin. But the difference in the posts also likely matters, but we can’t know how much. We don’t know if Tae would feel annoyed if a Vminie wrote the same thing as the tae/kooker did, and we don’t know if it was just in that moment that he got fed up with the shipping discourse in general, or if it was because it was tae/kook.
Honestly any shipper, regardless if a ship would eventually prove to be real or not, should not go and invade spaces where the boys get exposed to it. We don’t know if Taehyung would have reacted in a similar way if it happened to be another ship.
Personally I don’t think tae/kook drifted apart as a result of shipping, because honestly they still kept being pretty intimate physically and engaged in fanservice on stage etc. If they truly were uncomfortable with the idea I just don’t think they would “feed it” much at all. I think as they said in ITS they just, kind of changed and it became harder to talk. I’ve talked more about tae/kook and my views on their bond in THIS POST and a little in THIS POST as well as about BTS possible stance on shipping HERE.
I also think all of BTS has a pretty good distance from hate and fandom speculations in general. I think that because they know about shipping and partly also feed into it they probably expect crazy people to some degree as well, even if they probably don’t like it. Hetero shippers as well, or solo stans etc. have very toxic behaviors at times, but I think BTS can recognize that it is kind of “bound to happen” with their popularity, no matter what they do about it. Not saying they would like it, and they could definitely feel awkward or annoyed because of it, but it doesn’t seem to bother them too much as I think they can detach themselves from it pretty well.
I also think “fan opinions” in form of rival shipping wouldn’t really harm a hidden couple as it first would likely be a sort of “shield” and second because they have their relationships and are likely comfortable with them on their own terms. What fans think is probably secondary.
It is possible that they could get annoyed or frustrated at times, but again, if they truly felt bothered by it they probably wouldn’t do a lot of the things they do. Because I am sure they are aware to some degree that fans scrutinize their every move and ship moments. Both Tae and Jimin are some of the most physical out of the members, and also some of the members that seem to like to initiate fanservice moments... So I doubt they would have much problem and can feel secure enough in their relationship no matter what fans think.
Ask 12 - What did Jimin write on his shirt in Run ep. 53?
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Hi, I guess you got curious after I talked about this episode recently in my post Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30 (Ask 8 - Going down the rabbit hole, micromoments and shipping vs believing).
I don’t know hangul, but I do know what “Jimin” looks like. On Jimin’s shirt from behind the scenes of Run ep. 53 you can see he’s written his own name “지민” Jimin followed by what looks to be “ 님 “ which is nim. So basically the text on the container in the picture says Sir Jimin.
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Jimin seemed very keen on writing his name on both his own shirt and on Tae’s and even tried on JK’s. He failed of course, but he sure did try. 
Thank you for the ask, and isn’t Tae cute?
Ask 13 - Gina Maeng ask follow up
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Glad you liked my reply. :) (From Ask: Reply - 2021.03.30  Ask 4 - Idols dating members of the same group). Yeah I get what you mean, talking about it openly I suppose isn’t so normal. But since it seems to be more and more fans who assume it happens to some degree maybe it’s not so strange if it starts getting more talked about as well. I’ll take it as a good sign, even if the information is nothing new in itself, being more open is going to make it easier for fans to realize it’s possible for their idols to be LGBT+ or have hidden relationships.
As for K-Population it doesn’t seem to be too well known, but it’s one of few actual examples to be found. So yeah, interesting that we know it has happened, and also that it shows what risks it could mean to get involved with a group member. I think the risk of a falling out is something a lot of shippers tend to forget. Anyways, thank you for your reply. ^_^
Ask 14 - Vmin’s love is beautiful (and so much nice praise omg)
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Oh my... I am not sure I have ever been called sweetheart by anyone ever before. Thank you! You are making me blush with all the praise.  💜💜💜
But really, we can all just watch Vmin in awe and be happy they have each other and feel such immense love for each other, no matter what that love is. It’s kind of amazing. Like even if they are platonic their relationship is so wholesome and they put so much love and effort into it that it’s truly inspirational. I love when we get bombed with moments like this with a very intense period of great Vmin interactions. As you, me too never fail to feel all soft watching them together.
95z is love and what a love they share. Truly wonderful. 💜
You take care too, and really, thank you so much for this lovely message. it means a lot and is very heartwarming.
And with that sweet ask I’ll end the post. There was a lot of very different questions and I feel I could have written more about many of them, but alas I need to remember I can’t write full essays on everything or I would never get anything posted. Thank you all for reading and I hope you found my thoughts and speculations interesting. ^-^
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randomhl-vraifam · 4 years
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So if you haven't seen @gryphsdeadbones and his incredible Gordon Cubed AU... go check it out, please. It's literally so fucking good, and you can read the comic @gordoncubed.
I asked if I could write something for this AU, and got the go ahead, so here we are! It was inspired by this ask and this ask, just in case anyone needs context for what's happening.
Anyway, uh... yeah. Here's a thing.
If you had told Gordon Freeman that, somewhere in the universe, there existed multiple versions of himself, each from very different dimensions, he might have actually believed you. He was a theoretical physicist, after all. The unknown and hypothetical was kind of his area of expertise.
However, if you had told him that his alternates were… like this? That he might have had a hard time believing. He was absolutely blown away by how much those two could talk. They did it constantly! Freeman wasn’t sure if they knew how to not talk. He considered, more than once, finding tape in one of the abandoned offices and sealing both their mouths shut.
He thought he’d be relieved if either of them decided to shut up.
Until one of them did.
Feetman (he still didn’t know what was up with that name) had been dangerously close to dying. Not that any of them were exactly safe from dying, but Feetman had ended up being a little closer to death than Freeman wanted to think about. He found himself wishing Feetman would talk more. If only to ensure that he was still conscious.
And he found himself wishing Freemind would talk less. A lot less.
It was almost as though the man felt the need to talk through the silence Feetman wasn’t filling. And he did so. Very obnoxiously. Normally, Freeman would tell him to knock off his shit, but he had a feeling that Freemind was just as nervous as he was, and the only outlet he had was talking. Freeman let it slide.
If you asked Freemind, he’d tell you that he gave absolutely no fucks about Feetman. He didn’t give a fuck about either of these idiots, aside from the fact that they were somewhat useful in getting through this hellhole. Except one of them was now considerably less useful.
Not only was Feetman less useful, he was a hindrance. Freemind didn’t like slow progress. He liked efficiency. He liked getting shit done. Dragging Feetman’s dumb ass around was not effecient and it wasn’t getting shit done. The guy seemed like he was almost always on the verge of collapsing.
So if he suggested that Feetman sit the fuck down, it was for the sake of making sure the idiot didn’t pass out and further impede their progress. Not because it bothered him to see the guy struggling to stand up straight. Because he didn’t give a fuck.
It’d gotten better after a couple of days, but only by a narrow margin. They weren’t having to stop as often, but Freeman was still adamant that Feetman not take any shifts on night watch, which Freemind found annoying as hell. He kept that opinion to himself, though. The silent member of the trio didn’t seem willing to compromise on the matter, and Freemind wasn’t willing to try and make him.
That didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed off about it. Freeman could see Freemind getting more and more agitated. He snapped more often, and in more hurtful ways. There were only so many times Freeman could tell him to shut up, eventually Freemind got around to talking again.
Freeman didn’t mind stopping for Feetman when he needed it. More often than not, Freeman would have to put a hand on his left shoulder to stop him, to make him take a break. Every time, Feetman would say that he could keep going, even if he was on the verge of falling over. He hadn’t needed to stop during his first run, he’d insist, he didn’t need to stop now.
So when Feetman hesitantly grabbed his arm, Freeman stopped, immediately worried that his counterpart needed him for balance.
“Hey, uh…” Feetman looked at him blearily behind bent frames. Freeman was sure all of their glasses were damaged at this point. His own lenses were cracked. “Can we- I hate to ask, but…” He trailed off, seeming to lose his train of thought.
Freeman steadied Gordon with one hand, then quickly signed, “Do you need to stop?”
Feetman nodded. “Yeah, I think- should probably… yeah. Gordon, uh, hurt.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, are you serious?” Freemind groaned, clearly in one of his more irritable moods. “We’re never gonna get anywhere like this!”
Deciding to ignore Freemind, Freeman ushered their limbless counterpart to a nearby room. This wasn’t a part of Black Mesa he’d frequented, so he wasn’t exactly sure what the room was for. Peeking inside, it looked like a lab of sorts. The broken bunsen burners were a pretty good indication that this particular lab had worked with chemicals.
The room looked safe enough to hunker down for a few minutes, and he needed to check on Feetman’s arm. Probably wouldn’t hurt to check under Freemind’s eyepatch, too. He was fairly certain no one had been in there aside from a couple of aliens, considering none of the lights were on, and the cabinets that might have contained anything useful were closed.
Downside, there was probably gonna be a lot of chemical spills. Upside, there was probably a medical kit.
Feetman stopped before going in. “Why are the lights out in there?”
Freeman heard Freemind scoff behind him, but he flicked the light switch, and Feetman relaxed considerably. Freemind grew increasingly agitated as Freeman searched the room for a medical kit. “Why the fuck are you babying him? We need to move!”
Freeman pulled the lab’s medkit off the wall, tempted to throw it at Freemind, but restrained himself. “Let me see your eye.”
“Nah,” Freemind said. “I’m all good. Not gonna bitch about a stupid injury like some people.”
“Fuck you, man,” Feetman muttered. He winced as Freeman started pulling off his bandages, and waved off the signed apology.
Freemind snorted. “Yeah, no thanks.” He kicked at a pile of broken glass that had most likely been a beaker at some point. “If he’s gonna be fucking useless or whatever, then the two of us should scope the area. Make sure there’s nothing around.”
It wasn’t a bad idea, exactly, but Feetman immediately froze at the suggestion. “Uh- I don’t…” Freeman raised an eyebrow, but continued to change the bandages on what was left of his arm. He had a feeling that Feetman didn’t want to be by himself for any extended period of time. Couldn’t blame him, really.
“What?” Freemind snapped, “Gonna bitch about being alone, too?” Feetman averted his gaze, which was all the confirmation Freemind needed to know that he was right. “What are you, six? Man up.”
Freeman shot him a glare. “Go by yourself.”
Freemind scowled. “Are you stupid? I’m missing an eye! Can’t see shit coming from my left.”
“Then stay in here and stop complaining,” Freeman signed. Freemind wasn’t sure how he managed such a clipped, irritated tone with his hands, but the mute managed. He might have been something close to impressed if he wasn’t so pissed off.
“Fine,” Freemind spat. “Whatever. Don’t listen to the smartest person on the team.”
Feetman’s face scrunched in thought. “Aren’t we… like, the same person?”
“No. Because I’m better.” Freemind leaned against the wall. “Honestly, you guys are so lucky to have me around. You’d probably both be dead if I wasn’t here.” Freeman had the audacity to roll his eyes. “Something to say?”
Freeman, of course, said nothing. Freemind couldn’t decide if he could take the silence as a win or not. He couldn’t argue with someone that wouldn’t--or couldn’t--talk back, and he couldn’t win an argument they weren’t having. How was he supposed to prove he was better if Freeman wasn’t even giving him the option?
So Freemind, bored and irritated, did the only thing he could think to do: push every button until something happened. “How long are you gonna play nursemaid? I’ve got better things to do than waste away in this hellhole.”
“You’re not the only one who wants to go home, man,” Feetman said. “You’re just the only one complaining about it all the time.”
Freeman suppressed a laugh as he finished wrapping Feetman’s arm. He could see Freemind getting huffy in his peripheral, but paid it no mind. The guy had largely been all bark and no bite during this whole ordeal, although Freeman didn’t doubt the guy had started a few fights in his time. He’d probably start one now if it weren’t for the fact that they needed each other for survival.
Freemind wasn’t all bad (it was pretty damn close to all, though). Freeman had seen the softer side of him, hidden under about a million layers of a complex superiority/inferiority complex. He’d tried toughing it out the first day after he’d lost his left eye, but by the second day he was hovering closer to Freeman and Feetman.
He had called it a strategic advantage. They could see, he could not. If he had one of them on his left, they’d be his lookout, or a sufficient meat-shield. Whichever the situation called for.
Neither of them missed the way he’d occasionally reach out to tap an arm. Or the way he’d intentionally bump a shoulder and then angrily insist that they had been in the way. They didn’t say anything about it, though. Freemind would only be an even bigger pain in the ass if they pointed it out.
Freeman was less pissed that Freemind was protecting his dignity, and more pissed that he wasn’t offering Feetman the same courtesy of not mentioning his weakness. Then again, Freemind was probably too insecure to admit he cared.
“Well, at least I’m not scared of the fucking dark,” Freemind said triumphantly. “I’ve seen you clingin’ to Freeman over there whenever the lights get dim.”
Feetman rolled his eyes, “Oh, yeah. Like you haven’t been clinging to both of us the past couple of days.”
Freemind’s face reddened. In embarrassment or anger, Freeman couldn’t be sure. “Are you calling me a coward?”
“No, but…” Feetman chuckled under his breath, quietly singing, “You are a pirate.”
“Bold words coming from the cripple of the group,” Freemind seethed. “Are we ready to go or not? I’m tired of waiting around for you fucking idiots.”
Freeman snapped the medkit closed and signed, “Then go.” Freemind glared, but didn’t move. A testament to how much he actually relied on their presence.
It was a liability. One that Freemind hated himself for having. Being dependent on people wasn’t exactly his style. Yet here he was, unable to leave this stupid room because he couldn’t leave without these two idiots. Well, he could, but he wasn’t going to.
After a few more minutes of Freeman fussing over Feetman’s missing arm, Feetman claimed that he was ready to go. Freemind thought it was about fucking time, but Freeman didn’t seem so sure.
Freemind couldn’t figure out why Freeman was being such a mother hen about all this. Usually it was Feetman doing that, which made sense, considering they guy had a kid. Freemind thought he’d be glad to have Feetman off his back about his eye and everything else, but Freeman was almost worse. At least Feetman listened somewhat, even if it was just to bicker with him. Freeman would just tell him to shut up.
He ducked out of the room while Freeman and Feetman continued a mostly one-way conversation. Ironically enough, it was Freeman doing most of the talking. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.”
“We can stay a few more minutes, if you need to.”
“I said I’m fine, man,” Feetman said. “Or- well… as ‘fine’ as I’m gonna get.” He glanced out to the hallway. “Think his eye is okay?”
Freeman shrugged. “He’ll start complaining when he wants someone to look at it.”
Feetman nodded. “Yeah… alright. Guess we better get moving before he-”
“Will you two hurry the fuck up!” Freemind shouted from the hallway. “You morons are slower than my dead grandmother!”
A cheerful smile overtook Feetman’s face, taking Freeman by surprise. “Gordon,” he said happily, “I crave violence!”
The moment was gone before Freeman could question it. He’d learned to stop asking about Feetman’s little outbursts. They were his friends, supposedly. Something about his first run? Freeman didn’t know. And there was no telling what might trigger it, so Freeman mostly relied on context.
Like now, for instance. Even if the smile was cheerful, the words suggested Feetman was about two seconds from strangling Freemind with his remaining hand. So Freeman decided it’d probably be best to keep the two separate. At least until they both calmed down a little.
Freemind noticed Freeman’s efforts to keep them separated. He decided against pushing any more buttons, since Feetman seemed capable of talking back, despite his injury. And, honestly, how dare he talk back to a god like Freemind?
Really, he didn’t understand why Feetman was getting so worked up about everything damn thing. Freemind himself hated being a liability, so why was Feetman so insistent on being one all the fucking time? It was infuriating. Feetman should be just as on guard as he was, not overreacting about a dark room. They didn’t have time for him to be scared of every damn thing.
None of them liked the dark. So why was Feetman being such a bitch about it?
Freeman suddenly waved a hand to get his attention. “Storage area.”
Freemind grinned. “Nice! Might find some guns in there.”
“Or supplies,” Feetman added.
“Whatever,” Freemind dismissed, already shoving past him to take a look around the storage room.
Unfortunately, it looked pretty ransacked already, but the three men spread out to search through the splintered crates. Well, Freemind and Freeman did anyway. Feetman just seemed to be smashing them, for some reason. He stopped after a couple of minutes and frowned. “Why am I smashing crates?”
Freemind’s face twisted in confusion. This guy might actually be losing it. “Are you brain dead or something?” Feetman blinked at him. “Know what? Fuck it. Never mind.” Freeman was better at dealing with whatever that issue was. Apparently, Feetman’s… ‘friends’... really liked smashing crates.
The dude was seriously fucked up. Not just his arm, either.
He wasn’t finding anything useful, and was about to see if Freeman had found anything, when the lights suddenly flickered. “What the-” ‘fuck’ didn’t get a chance to leave his mouth before the room went completely dark.
For a moment, he thought he’d lost his other eye. A spike of panic tore through him at the thought of being totally blind during an alien invasion, but then remembered that he’d seen the lights flicker. It was just a power outage. His eye was fine.
“Um… guys?” Feetman called out. “Where- you guys still in here?”
Freemind started to answer back, ‘Yes, dumbass, of course we’re still here,’ but he stopped himself. Feetman needed to stop being a bitch about the dark, and here was the perfect opportunity for some exposure therapy. And if Freemind didn’t say anything, then Feetman would have to get over his thing about being alone, too.
It was two birds with one stone. If Feetman could handle being alone, in the dark, until the backup generator for this area kicked on, then everything else would be a cakewalk by comparison. Without Feetman bitching all the time, they could get out faster.
Genius plan. Foolproof. God, he was so fucking smart. And the best part was, Freeman couldn’t even ruin it. The guy didn’t talk, and his sign language was useless in the dark.
“Freeman?” Feetman tried again. “Did- did you guys leave?” Perfect. Feetman thought he was alone. Now all he had to do was stay calm and- “This isn’t funny, guys!”
Freemind raised an eyebrow, kind of a useless gesture in the dark, but it felt necessary. This wasn’t supposed to be funny. It was supposed to be productive. It was a solution to a problem. Freemind was fixing the problem. All Feetman had to do was stay calm. How difficult could it be?
He bit back a curse as he heard footsteps to his left. Freeman was trying to find Feetman! That would ruin this whole thing! Did Freeman not understand what he was trying to do here? No, of course he didn’t. Why would he? He was an idiot, just like everyone else.
“Who is that?” Feetman asked in a wavering voice. “What are you doing?!” The footsteps stopped. Freemind smiled, glad that his plan was back on track, but frowned again when he heard the unmistakable sound of the HEV suit hitting something. The wall? The floor? Did Feetman trip over something? What a goddamn moron.
Feetman had indeed hit the floor, tripping over a demolished crate in his attempt to back away from whoever was moving towards him.
Freemind wasn’t answering him. He couldn’t see Freeman. Did something happen to them? Were they okay? Was this another ambush? Did the other two set this up? They couldn’t have. Could they? Would they? He’d been betrayed by people he trusted before...
The darkness closed in on him more and more with every terrified thought that ran through his head. His arm throbbed in time with his heartbeat, which was entirely too fast and he couldn’t make it stop. He wanted to call out again, for Freeman or Freemind or anyone, but his throat closed up with panic before he could. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. It felt like he was dying. Maybe he was dying.
Freeman heard Feetman’s choked off gasp, and started moving again. He knew the approaching footsteps were going to freak Feetman out, but he needed to make sure his counterpart wasn’t injured. His eyes were starting to adjust a bit, letting him make out the barest outline of the boxes closest to him so he could move around them, but finding Feetman was an entirely different challenge.
Finally, he could see the vague shape of Feetman, on his knees and curled in on himself. He hoped the lights came back on soon. Because once he helped Feetman, he had a universal sign for Freemind that relied heavily on his middle finger. Was this his idea of a joke?
Feetman was hyperventilating, mumbling incoherently as Freeman slowly knelt down next to him. He tapped the floor lightly in hopes that Feetman would understand that this was a friend. Not an alien or a soldier, not a threat. But Feetman didn’t seem to register it, if anything, he only seemed to panic more.
After a few seconds of Freeman trying desperately to come up with a solution, the fluorescent lights whirred back to life. Freemind was standing on the other side of the room, looking almost annoyed at the situation. Then he saw Feetman collapsed on the ground, and his expression softened into something resembling concern.
“Whoa, the fuck?” He made his way over to his two alternates, wondering where the hell his plan went wrong. “What the hell’s wrong with him?”
Freeman sliced a hand across his throat, the unofficial sign for ‘cut that shit out’, then signed, “Help him.”
Freemind suddenly felt very out of his element. How the fuck was he supposed to help? “Hey, uh…” He cleared his throat nervously.
Nervously? Since when did he get nervous?
Maybe since he’d unintentionally plunged someone into a panic attack.
Shut up, he scolded himself. He was Gordon ‘Freemind’ Freeman. He didn’t make mistakes. He just… miscalculated. A little. Not enough to count as a failure.
“Listen, just- just calm down, it’s… the lights are back on, okay? You can stop freaking out.” There. Facts. Feetman hated the dark, and now there was no more dark.
“Shut up,” Feetman said in a strangled voice. “Sh-shut the fuck up.”
Hm. Okay. That was bad, Freemind was pretty sure. “Okay, well, I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do here, so I’m just gonna keep talking.” Feetman shook his head. “Yeah, I am. Because you’re so stuck in your own stupid brain that-” Freeman nudged him. “What?”
“Just talk,” Freeman signed angrily. “Don’t be an asshole.”
“Alright, alright, alright,” Freemind huffed. “Listen, I didn’t… I didn’t know the dark was gonna fuck with you that bad. I thought you’d, like, get over it. Which you didn’t. And that’s bullshit, but whatever. Next time I won’t do that.”
Feetman tensed. “Next time?” He asked frantically, “What- there’s gonna be a next time? I can’t-”
“What? No!” Freemind exclaimed. “That’s not what I meant, you- fuck.” He looked to Freeman for help. “Any other great ideas?”
Freeman didn’t know. On reflex, he reached out to put a hand on Feetman’s arm. Of the three of them, Feetman was probably the most touch-oriented. He knew his mistake as soon as his hand grazed the HEV suit, Feetman immediately recoiling, eyes wide with fear .
“Get away from me!” Freeman started to pull back, realizing too late that this was the wrong arm to touch in the moment. But before he could apologize, pain exploded across the right side of his face. He could see Feetman scrambling backwards through the stars in his eyes. Feetman really packed a punch.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you?!” Freemind yelled. “Why’d you do that, Freeman was trying to help, dumbass!”
He shook his head to get Freemind’s attention. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have scared him.” He should have known better. He should have made sure Feetman was okay first. He refused to blame Feetman for lashing out during such a vulnerable moment.
The panicked haze in Freeman’s eyes cleared a bit. “F- fuck, I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t-” Freeman shook his head, assuring Feetman that he was fine. “What happened? You… the lights went out and I couldn’t- you weren’t…”
Freeman glanced at Freemind, having more or less the same question. “Why didn’t you say anything when the lights went out?”
Freemind at least had the decency to look… guilty? The expression was so foreign on Freemind’s face that Freeman almost didn’t recognize it. “I was- I had this plan.” He stopped like he expected to be interrupted, then continued when he realized that Freeman and Feetman were still listening, “I thought you were kinda overreacting about the dark and shit. So I was trying to help you, like, get over yourself. And that didn’t, uh… that didn’t work.”
Feetman wheezed. “You- you’re an idiot.” He rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “Why the fuck did you think that would work? That’s the stupidest-”
“Shut up.”
“-thing I have ever heard in my-”
“Feetman, so help me god, I will turn these lights back off.”
“-entire fucking life,” Feetman finished. Freemind grumbled, but otherwise held his tongue. Feetman then turned to Freeman and winced. “Jesus, man, your face. I’m real sorry about that.”
Freeman shrugged. “I’ve had worse. It was my fault, anyway.” Feetman didn’t look convinced, biting his lip and holding his right arm tight to his chest. He figured now was probably a better time to ask, “Do you want a hug?”
“No,” Feetman said. Then, after a moment, “Maybe… yeah.” He glanced at Freemind. “As long as the resident pirate isn’t gonna be a dick about it.”
Freemind narrowed his eye. “Shut up.” But despite the venom in his voice, he leaned against Feetman’s left side. “Don’t say another word.”
Freeman slung an arm around Feetman, giving him a reassuring squeeze that neither of them could feel, but it was the thought that counted. Feetman almost immediately relaxed into the embrace, quietly muttering a word Freeman didn’t recognize, “Pog.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Freemind asked. “No, actually, I don’t care. I hate it. Don’t ever say that again.”
Feetman laughed again, lightly bickering with Freemind until all three of them were ready to go. There wasn’t much they could salvage in the storage area, unfortunately, but hopefully they’d find something later.
Freemind didn’t make another comment about Feetman’s fear of being alone or in the dark. If you asked him, he’d say that Feetman bitching about the dark was marginally more productive than him being collapsed on the floor. Again, it was all just survival.
And if anyone said that they saw him quietly talking to Feetman at night, distracting him from the dark and the pain in his arm until he fell asleep, that person was a goddamn liar.
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word-addict-lisette · 3 years
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I can’t believe this!!!
So, something very weird and crazy happened yesterday night. I got i to little debate with my mom. It started from feminism and we ended on the LGBTQ community. But either way it was chaotic.
But the argument ended in me realizing that older generations... As in our parents, don't actually care about this feminism thingy at all. They don't care at all. They want good lives and want equality but it's for themselves, they fail to see that there are different types of women out there too. And even worse is that my mother has no idea of what the LGBTQ community is. And that's sick!
The only thing she is aware of is that gay is a bad word to call some like. What the hell? It sure as hell isn't! So it was like late night, and my mother was randomly scrolling through her phone while me and my sister were just cracking random jokes and laughing among ourselves.
That’s when my mother made this comment on seeing a post, “Women don’t look good until they have good hair.” I gave it some thought, not in the mood for an argument at 11 in the night. But my sister felt the need to speak so she retorted with, “Not necessarily, everyone looks good, and I don’t see how a person’s hair matters.” I agreed, my mother didn’t.
She said, “Not necessarily everyone looks good, we just say everyone is beautiful for the sake of it, but i don’t really think people look good with bad hair. And i don’t think really really short hair suits people either.” I didn’t like that comment one bit, so i stepped in.
“Not everyone says that everyone is beautiful just for the sake of it. Everyone truly is beautiful, and A lot of people look good with really short hair too, you can’t judge them like that.” She threw me a look for that.
“At that rate, you will say that even bald people look good. They don’t necessarily look good. they are people like that.” I shot back at her, cause now it was getting on my nerves. I told her, “Who said bald people don’t look good, i thought i just specified the fact that everyone looks good, and there are no exceptions to that case, even my sister had gotten my bald she was very young, you didn’t call her ugly. Then why others?”
“She said fine, I am not gonna argue with that, not necessarily all women and men look good. I don’t think that everyone is good looking. Beautiful doesn’t mean human, you need to have some things in you to be termed beautiful.”
My sister contradicted with, “I don’t think anyone set the parameters for beauty yet, if anyone has, they are crazy. Everyone is beautiful and if you don’t feel so, i’m sorry i can’t change that. But i’m with my sister in this.”
But i had a whole different topic to discuss after that, “This whole conversion was carried out as if it was pointed towards women, I don’t see why women don’t look good with short hair. Men look good in short hair, men and women are equal, and if men can have short hair and not be judged, it can be the same with women.”
That seemed to put my mother to think, but she didn’t change her thought one bit. she responded with, “Women and men are different, sure women and men are equal, but there are some differences, and by the way women are built differently and they ought to look good. That’s when you feel like a women.”
my sister felt differently, “Men and women are equal, at least they should be. And the word equal, doesn’t come with any exceptions like beauty or anything, so equal means equal. That’s what feminism is for.”
My mother looked confused at the last sentence, she looked like she didn’t know what feminism is. But then she automatically assumed it to have something to do with women being superior than men. She clarified that she didn’t think women ought to be on a higher position in the world, like unless the women actually deserved it with all right. But men had the higher position and the best we ought to get was gender equality, between females and males. 
Until a few years back, i would have agreed with her, just the way my sister did after explaining the real meaning of feminism to my mother. But, I didn’t agree with that statement either. Gender equality did not mean equality between males and females, it meant equality between all the genders. That is when i got in the LGBTQ+ community. My mother had literally 0% idea of what that was. And i felt like digging my own grave and burying myself alive. 
I did not even ask her to google the community like i had asked her to google feminism. I simply asked her what was her view on the transgenders. She said, “not much, they are like okay though i am not sure i really support them. I am still dicy about them.”
That reminded of something that happened long back. When I was in Class 7, one of my classmates accidentally called a guy in our class gay, because he used to make fun of them in class a lot. I truly used to resent it when they used to make fun of transgenders in my school, I wasn’t aware of the the LGBTQ+ community back then, but still I hated it.
When the fact a guy had called a friend of his gay in school spread around and our parents got to know, the kid got suspended for two days, and got a diary note. Moreover my mother told me then that I hope you don’t use such bad words and vulgarized language in school. If I hear you calling anyone such a foul word anytime, consider yourself grounded for a year. 
That day stuck with me forever, How the heck was GAY a bad word? 
So last night during the argument, I told her that gender equality meant it was for all the genders, literally all the genders. And i literally told her about the fact that she told me gay was a bad word whereas it wasn’t. I told her that there are homosexual people as well and just told her about the LGBTQ+ community. She didn’t seem to support them much. But at least she knew about it.
She still didn’t agree about the lgbtq+ community thingy and different genders. she also mentioned that she didn’t know anything about this community, and she wondered if she could have cared less about it before. And she was very shocked about the fact that i supported them, and that I was a feminist. she said that she never taught me any of this and was thoroughly surprised when she found out I knew so many things, that she thought that I shouldn’t.
It sucked that she thought of all of it in such a manner, But before i could go further with the convo, my sister just asked us to cut it out... Though i was so not pleased to know that my mom didn’t even know that there is something called the LGBTQ+ community and feminism. A similar thing had happened a few month ago, where i told her about black lives matter. Turns out our generation is quite more socially knowledgeable and mature than our parents. 
But then again, this morning i was called lazy, and again made to feel like crap. my mother termed that i ought to study and not spend so much time on my laptop and mobile, because, they aren’t going to get me anywhere and social media is poisoning my mind. Interesting part.... TUMBLR is my only source of socializing on the internet! She isn’t even aware of that. But yeah... at the end: I am the stuck up kid in the house.
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konaizumi · 3 years
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Fish Upon the Sky ep 7 thoughts/reaction
i can’t take this first scene seriously with the mix stix and pi being all sentimental about them
also them using the mix stix as a coming out metaphor and pi said his brother ate them first and introduced them to pi and his brother is also gay lol
pi still has mork wrapped around his little finger
well technically he didn’t pass out
drunk pi being great at DDR and mork being terrible is great
“i just wanted to bug you” are you sure you didn’t just want his hand on your chin?
mork don’t act like you don’t love pi having his arms around you
i can’t decide who had the more awkward role, phuwin who had to brush pond’s teeth, or pond who had to have his teeth brushed by phuwin
also who just carries around a toothbrush and toothpaste? i know he’s a dental student but still
mork laughing outside the bathroom at pi was cute
we didn’t get to see mork gay panic at seeing pi’s chest and that’s just not fair
the dad trying to cheer up the mom is so cute, i love their dynamic
soon as they said wan was bring home a girlfriend i was like oh you know it’s going to be a boyfriend
duen what did you do that made the gown smell so much
meen’s got some bite and i love him for it
every episode in fact i love him more and more
he’s truly the perfect match for duen’s bullshit
would love if we could get more backstory on mork liking pi, like even if there’s not a specific reason/event that’s fine but just like when and how did it start, it seems like they never interacted before the show starts
also them being livestreamed was super creepy
also would be nice if mork was a bit more bothered by the fangirls, for pi’s sake if nothing else
i will pay gmmtv for one of the characters to hug pi and tell him that he can take all the time he needs to figure out his feelings instead of rushing him
*face palms* duen just tell him the truth he won’t judge you
duen just throwing out the dirty boxers, my boy is such a mess
can i give meen a hug? pls?
no comments from the narrator this time?
the argument over the cars was pretty funny, i like the kitty gang
at first i thought the secret texting friend thing was cute but now its a bit uncomfy knowing pi is spiling private thoughts about mork that he wouldn’t tell if he knew he was talking to mork (and mork is using this to be kinda manipulative)
god damn it duen, if you had waited like another minute before barging in he would’ve figured it out
duen is such a good brother tho
i wish mork would actually act like just being friends is fine
the family seeing the woman and child and thinking it’s wan’s girlfriend was super funny lol “and she has a plus one”
and the look on everyone’s faces when the boyfriend walked in
so the mom still doesn’t know about duen’s boyfriend so i hope we can see that confrontation as well lol
i thought they were building up to have wan as like the perfect older sibling who the younger ones resent bc of comparisons and the eldest sibling having a superiority complex, and who was one of the reasons for pi’s insecurities but instead they delivered this wholesome sibling content and it’s so much better than i thought it was going to be
duen unconsciously petting pi bc that’s what he did for meen
i still don’t totally understand the conflict between pi and the mom but i’m glad it seems to be resolved
istg all the medical students and none of them know how vaccines work, the implication is that pi is already lovesick, you don’t give a vaccine to someone who’s already sick
also morkpi is a slowburn and i wish the writers knew that instead of insisting that pi’s already in love with mork
“i’m so lost here” honestly same duen, i’m a little lost in all the metaphors
*face palms* pi, i don’t think you’re in love with mork yet but i know you’re not still in love with nan
but also, pi acknowledging that the nan he liked was part fantasy and now he has to go after the real nan: growth--not quite fully there yet but growth
next ep: looks like duenmeen is finally going somewhere, i really hope but doubt that mork as secret texting friend is revealed next week before it gets worse, otherwise doesn’t seem like anything huge happening next week,but i demand more nan content to make up for the fact that he wasn’t in this ep at all
anyways, good ep, some key development going on, just really need mork to back off a bit and give pi some time to think
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purplerose244 · 3 years
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Irrational - Chapter 1: The first star in the morning
​Hello everyone!! The @spacecampweek is finally here!! 😍
I cannot wait to see all the content for these two math dorks! Here is my contribution, a collection of oneshots including all the prompts, starting with the first, “Stars”! ✨
Enjoy!! 💙💙
Summary: Seamus was going to smack that idiot of his best friend right in the head for putting him into this situation. A private moment with his little crush, sure, what a marvelous plan of his! There was only one thing he didn’t take into account: this space nerd’s absolutely terrible flirting techniques.
Read it on the AO3
“… have I… have I told you about that time I went for the tryouts of the basketball team?” Seamus huffed with superiority, mostly for the sake of breathing out some air on this overly hot day. “I’m sure you can tell, I’m a pretty athletic person. The only reason I didn’t join was because I needed to keep up my grades or whatever, school is a total pain.” He smirked towards his right. “Maybe I can bring you to the gym sometimes, teach you how to make three-pointers? I’m sure you’d like that.” His overly confident tone fell into oblivion, as silent kept prevailing. He could feel the sweat going down his neck, behind the high collar of his black jacket.
Good lord, he was wearing a leather jacket. A freaking. Leather. Jacket. When he thought this day couldn’t get any more awkward.
“Four.” Seamus jumped over his seat.
“Huh?”
“Four times.” At last, the Cantaloupian had finally raised his eyes from his phone, showing him the most annoyed look he had ever seen on a human being. “You have mentioned this casket sport of yours at least four times tonight. Merely to answer your question.” Without much of a nod or an impressed look, his pretty nose went back to the lightened-up screen. Never mind, this day had all the chances to get plenty of more awkward.
He was losing him. Oh gosh, he was totally blowing it.
This made no sense! Sure he and Tight Jeans Hank had gone out only a few times before he got head over heels for Mary, but he was totally into the three-pointer thing! Sure, making up an excuse after that on why they never actually went to the gym had been a little draining, a little shameful, but at least there was that! He wasn’t completely out of his game.
… was he? Quick, another one! Huh, what did work out with that one guy from math class before he discovered he liked astronomy better?
“Huh, uhm… you know one time we got Mrs. Janeth so mad I was called into the principal’s office, but I got out without a single problem! You didn’t expect me to be this much of a bad boy, didn’t you? Yeah, this math student is good with numbers as a cover, my call is… being… mischievous…” Oh the cringe. It was going to be all worth it if he got at least a change from the guy sitting at the passenger’s seat. “Heh, people still wonder how I did it.” He grinned towards him, wiggling his eyebrows. “I could tell you, but it has to be… our secret.” Wow. He was channeling his interior Steve. The only difference was that that knucklehead at least was actually good at sports and actually good at getting into troubles.
Heck, even Pepperjack was more of a rebel!
Ah. Silence. Not even the Cantaloupian checking his phone was making any noise.
“Uh-huh.” His eyes were still all over the screen. He didn’t even bother to give him a look this time. “Would not be much of a secret in that case, now would it.”
The blonde was starting to think there was some kind of massive secret stored into that device. His eyes fell on it. Nope, this guy was literally tapping onto apps and exiting them without doing anything. Seamus almost laugh at the awfulness of all, wondering if it was too late running out in the woods and hope his allergy was going to kill him sooner or later. Then he stumbled with his memory to Spring Fling, the date he got – that had spent most of the night making out with someone else in the bathroom, but still.
Alright, confident. An intriguing, intimidating guy, one Krel might wanna know better.
“W-well, the best part of having secrets is sharing it with others! Saying, see this bruise I have?” He pointed at his temple, panicking for a second to remember where it was. His mind went right, and he really hope he wasn’t just pointing at his cheek like an idiot. “I got into this massive fight after class, it was insane! I won’t bore you with details, the usual argument with those bozos from our rival school, but if you think this dent is bad you should see the other guys! Pretty cool huh?”
Silence again.
A sigh. It held together such an annoyed power it left him baffled for a second. Krel was narrowing his eyes so much they looked closed.
“Forgive me, I am still trying to master the art of sarcasm, so I will have to warn you beforehand: I am about to use it.” He cleared his voice. “Wow, that is impressive and totally not an idiotic behavior, thank you very much for telling me.” He made a very forced, very exaggerated smile, before dropping it while still looking at him and then going back at losing time on the phone.
More death wishes filled him. Seamus grimaced, sneezed, and checked if the windows were actually closed while grunting under his breath. He breathed through his nose, hands gripping the wheel simply to have something to do.
It was official. This was the worst first non-date of history, and it was all his fault.
… or Steve’s. Yeah, Steve’s fault sounded better.
The ground of the woods was most likely all over the wheels of dad’s car which was going to drive him mad once again, the occasional sniff of pollen into the air had been making his eyes tear up even since they got here – the windows were actually closed, how, stupid allergy –, and he was stuck there ruining all the chances he never had in the first place. Yes, it made so much more sense blaming that good for nothing jock. The only reason Seamus was there in the first place was because his Vespa was out of service – he had said something something creeper walking on the crosswalk, he had stopped listening at some point –, and he had promised his girlfriend to go back to the kissing tree as soon as the situation was calmer or whatever. Seamus, being the good friend he was – especially since Logan was grounded –, had joined in to give them a lift and wait in the car for the two lovebirds to have their mushy moments, feeling extremely single in the process.
When he had seen Aja and Steve getting out of the Tarron’s residence, Seamus had waved.
When he had seen coming along as well none other than Krel Tarron, he had briefly considered pushing onto the accelerator and leaving everyone and everything into the dust. His body had not complied – the traitor. The happy couple had positioned themselves in the back seats, with Aja saying her little brother had decided not to be a recluse for tonight, while the Cantaloupian genius had comfortably seated himself next to him, giving a smile.
A smile.
How dare he? A smile!?
It was Steve’s fault, it definitely was. There was no way Krel would have come out of his own will, it was notorious he despised social gatherings with intellectually inferior people – mood – and hated nature even more – bigger mood. His sister had never been able to convince him before, he knew that because Steve had made it a habit narrating his escapades with Aja after every single date, and it had always started with “We left the buttsnack home and…”. The first time Seamus offered a ride home to the two of them, and magically the little crush he had only confided to Steve and Logan – and Mary but Mary was gossip queen so that didn’t count – had decided to tag along with them. Suspicious, very suspicious.
So, there they were. They had been stuck into his car for an hour at least now, waiting to check if Aja and Steve planned on staying here for longer or eventually head back. Seamus really hoped for the second. He had no idea how the tension had raised up to this point, nothing was working! Krel was barely acknowledging him, and he was starting to wonder why he decided to join in in the first place. Maybe he lost a bet with Steve or something, that would have explained it.
… it did explain it. He was here against his will, with him, having the worst time of his life. Seamus pressed his lips together, the silence weighting onto his stomach. Maybe he could ask something else? What more anecdotes did he have left? The full score at Alex, getting kicked out of Sam’s…
… why was he feeling worse?
His phone vibrated right there. He had no doubt who was disturbing and judging by the sudden vibration from Krel’s phone the other half of the couple was sending similar messages.
THEPalchuk: Hey man
THEPalchuk: Me and Aja are staying around more
THEPalchuk: Pick us up in one hour?
THEPalchuk: Thanks you’re the best!
Great, like he wasn’t currently questioning his flirting skills as much as his entire persona. What was left in his repertoire? Nothing was helping so far, maybe he needed another approach. What choice did he have though? His stories were usually somehow effective, being like Steve didn’t seem better, Mary just so happened to have guys always in line for her for whatever reason, what else could he…
“Johnson?” He held back another jump, because Krel was finally looking at him and it was progress and- “Would it be too much bother if I asked you to bring me back home?”
Oh. Oh.
In his head played the game over soundtrack from GoGo Sushi. Dang it. He wished he had more time to prepare for this day, but right now it felt like it was inevitable. He definitely did something, said something weird. Was there even a possibility in the first place? With someone like him? He had met Krel Tarron in between classes on a completely random day: the guy had completely destroyed Mrs. Janeth’s theory about triangles without breaking a sweat, had broken into the science lab apparently making a mess of the only functioning computer, and had gotten sent to the principal at the end of the day as a result, without getting into troubles afterwards. This guy had managed to be an absolute nonconformist and a shameless rebel… using math.
Yeah, he was on another level, there was no point. He was so going to scream at Steve on organizing this, it was meant to go bad. Worst of all, it didn’t feel like he could get over it anytime soon. Maybe because it was something that didn’t even start.
He started the car, holding back a sigh.
“No problem, right away.” Krel gave him a mild grateful smile, and Seamus felt the urge to cry.
The trip back was somehow even more awkward than the hour spent waiting. Not necessarily for the deadly silence still permeating the car, mostly for the amount of thoughts that were running wildly into his head. What now? He didn’t even know if the Cantaloupian had noticed his attempts at flirting, did he reject him or was he simply so bored he couldn’t take it anymore? Did it matter? The natural consequence was to stay as far away as possible and ignore his entire existence during high school, then get into the furthest college possible – Australia sounded good – and forget about finding love forever. Sure Krel was in most of his classes, and that guy was most likely going to be an Elite student with him and Claire, which meant they were going to be paired up for some stupid vanity event of the school; also he happened to be his best friend’s girlfriend’s brother, so no way it was the last he was ever going to see him, but he could deal with it.
He could… deal with it…
… he didn’t want to, though. He didn’t want to stop talking to him or stop wishing to talk to him. That guy was in sync with his friends, he was so smart it was unbelievable, he was fun to be around and even right now that the embarrassment was at its peak, Seamus couldn’t help noticing how pretty he was, somehow even in the act of ignoring his existence. In light of all of this, was this really the only way to go? It always was with the other guys…
There was a stop ahead. He respected it, lightly biting his lip. No, with all the others he never made contact after failure because he never cared for it, because they weren’t good people, and because he didn’t want to admit how much he had made up for the sake of one terrible date. He could reach a compromise, right? To be able to talk with him. Nothing in between, only the truth.
His very dorky, uncool truth.
He continued to drive, pondering over everything, only to notice a parking spot next to the crosswalk. He went, noticing the other’s weird look on him. He hurried to speak before he could.
“I’ve never been at the tryouts.” Krel fully turned to him, eyes widened.
“… what?” Seamus winced, rubbing his neck.
“The basketball thing? I never did it. I wanted to, I’m really not bad at it… but I didn’t finish homework for that day and my dad didn’t let me.” Ah, there it came, the absolute shame – gently provided by Mr. Johnson, trademark. “The grades stuff, that’s kinda the excuse I always use whenever someone ask me why I’m not in the team. It’s not exactly a lie, but it’s better than saying I have no freedom at all.” The Cantaloupian looked baffled. The blonde took it as a chance to keep going. “As for the principal call, you wanna actually know the secret? I was never in trouble in the first place, Mrs. Janeth wanted to personally congratulate for making it into the International Mathematical Olympiad. I didn’t want people to think I was lame.” Gosh it burned. It felt kinda nice but it was also awful. He sighed at the end, pointing at his temple. “And about this? The fight? As if, I tripped on my way to the planetarium… because I love space… and there people don’t make fun of me for it.” Oh. He didn’t mean that last one, he didn’t want it to hurt. It still did. Not even Steve or Logan knew why he had been keeping his passion lowkey only for close friends.
It was good… it was good, right? It was as genuine as he could get, because despite everything he still wanted to be able to look at him in the eyes without second guessing himself. He was a lame-o who could barely do anything without his dad’s approval, he was an absolute nerd who was good at math only because he had to, and he was a dork with an absolute passion for space that got him so much mockery in the past, before he started to mock back.
A leaf flew over the windshield of the car. He could feel his sweat turning into ice. Was it too late after all? He lost his chance with Krel even at being a friend? He could feel his eyes on him.
It was silence. Then, a long sigh of relief came from him.
“Oh thank Seklos, I was convinced you were being serious before.”
… huh?
“Huh?” He looked at him. Krel was smiling. He was… smiling? “Before?”
“You were turning into an even bigger oaf than Steve is, which is quite the accomplishment let me tell you.” He looked down, finally putting away his phone. Despite wishing for it the entire time, Seamus felt a wave of anxiety rushing over. “I knew for a fact that I was going to be in your company during the entire time, given that the Staja is a force too chaotic to be around without risking someone’s life.” Despite the tension the blonde snorted. The Cantaloupian seemed to like that. “I was even looking forward to it. I’ve always wondered about the sleeping guy from class.”
Holy. Freaking. Mole.
Seamus was agape, he was pretty sure his jaw was dislocated without repair. He wasn’t sure if this was actually happening, or the last sniff of pollen had put him into a state of hallucination – he didn’t mind trading an anaphylactic shock for this. He managed to breathe again after a while, trying to remember how to speak words.
“Wait- You- I… you were watching me too?” Ah, why the too, why did he have to admit of staring at him while trying to stay awake during class? Why was he such a-
Wow. Wow. Was that embarrassment?
Coming from the prideful Krel Tarron?
“I was… mildly checking.” Okay, this was definitely a coma-induced dream, no way he was that lucky – and could this guy stop looking this adorably shy, he needed his heart to come back to life. “You always raise your hand when Mrs. Janeth asks something, even before the question has been said. You seem to be constantly bored during the lesson, which I can completely understand. You seem to be one of the few people who can at least dream to measure up with me in regard of intellect.” Mm, maybe this was actually real, somehow that came out extremely irritating and incredibly endearing at the same time. “I was interested into knowing that person tonight… I have not seen him for now.” His eyes went down, a little bitterly.
He was going to care about that in a moment. First, his mind needed to compute. What was happening here? Were Steve and Logan into this? Were they following him with a black car from afar ready to scare the crap out of him as soon as he was going to believe that a guy this cool actually wanted to know the real him?
… jeez, he really needed to work onto his self-esteem.
Besides, it was Krel, the frankest person he had ever met. There was no way he was pretending, he was so sure it almost scared him.
Apparently, this was happening, this was a meeting of some sort. One that for now, he had been screwing up big time. He was trying so hard to be liked, trying the best that had worked before, but did it work really? He had never actually been in a relationship, every single guy had evaporated as soon as they had found something better to do than hang out with this weird space nerd. Instead, Krel was waiting. Krel was there to actually know about that part of him.
The real him.
“… are you really in a hurry to come back home?” He got a confused stare. But if he really had something close to a chance, he was fine with making it interesting. “In case not… could I arrange a meeting?” He forced a very nervous smile. “Between you and him?”
Krel looked at him in surprise.
Then he smiled. He smiled.
“Alright, one more chance. Make it count, Johnson.”
His father would have not liked how fast he was driving, even while making sure to respect all signs – he wasn’t that reckless, even if the idea of bothering his old man was tempting. It wasn’t a long trip anyway, he knew the way by heart at this point. Arcadia soon got less lived around them and started to raise up, into a road leading higher and higher while surrounded by those dang trees. His passenger was looking out of the window, clearly curious but without asking a single thing. Seamus didn’t mind it. Maybe he just wanted to appreciate the moment for now, having him intrigued by the situation, before something went wrong again.
No. No. No more screwing everything, not this time. He could make this work.
The planetarium was there almost too soon, as he had only started to notice the eyes of the Cantaloupian occasionally drifting from the glass to him, equally intense. He placed the car into a completely empty parking lot, got out and breathed in. At least here there was way less vegetation, he could almost take a full breath without coughing. He quickly went over Krel’s side, opening the door for him and offering his hand.
He got a weird look in return, a little smile and a tan hand into his. Seamus really didn’t want this to be the first and last time.
“Have you ever been at Arcadia’s planetarium?”
“I am familiar, not a frequent visitor though. I was here for the Science Fair, and once in the first days since I land- got here.” He stumbled a little and focused on looking around, frowning. “I did not find anything particularly interesting though. Only incorrect.”
“Oh, if you’re up for a conversation about mistakes made into the planetary system I’m all ears, but let’s get inside first. I’m bringing you somewhere special.” He walked towards the building, aiming for the back of it, hoping that the occasional cat had decided to do its stuff somewhere else, at least for tonight. Only halfway there it hit him that their hands were still united. He was actually holding his hand. The realization made his body tremble. “Huh, I…” He looked over his shoulder, trying to think how to ask someone if it was okay to hold hands while already doing it in order not to make him go away – why was his brain always this convoluted?
Krel blinked at him, with those pretty brown eyes of his. There was such a control into those irises, smarts and brilliance but not only. It was the kind of look that had seen much, stuff he probably couldn’t even understand. There was simply something that made him want to know more about him.
He clenched his hold. Seamus could feel his heart doing backflips.
“What is it?” This mischievous genius smirked. Absolutely aware. What a day was this day.
“… nothing.” Seamus grinned back, starting to accept that from now on everything was going to be absolutely mind-blowing. “I have been here so many times, and if I know something is that the employees here are… really bad at their job.” He eyed the backdoor. Then the doormat. A freaking doormat, what a cliché. “I swear, one could break in and they would barely notice.” Reluctantly he let go of his hand, slipped it underneath the obvious hiding spot and got the key.
“That is really careless. Although having access to this place could be useful, I did see some interesting components for potential devices last time I was here.”
“Dang, you’re a dangerous one… wait, you’re an inventor?”
“In a way, I’m mostly an engineer.” Total. Heart eyes. “How did you discover this entrance?”
“I used to be a kid who barely had friends, hate with passion staying at my own house and I wished for nothing more than to climb onto a rocket and leave the planet to explore the entire galaxy.” Huh. It used to sound way less edgy when he was younger. “At some point dad discovered that he could leave me here with an adult and he was able to go by his day doing business or whatever without a problem, so I spent a lot of time around here. It gets easier to discover tricks when you’re a kid.” He unlocked the door, bowing at the other. “After you, Mr. Rebel.”
Krel rolled his eyes with a smirk, getting in.
It was as silent and dark as he expected it to be. Also empty, as he expected the nightguard had ditched his job once again – he mentally thanked his careless of tonight. He had been there enough to memorize even the vague noise of the neon, it was echoing into his ears even now that the lights were off. He took out his phone, brightening the way for them to walk. He barely had to think about it, his feet already knew where to step and what poster to pass by, even in complete darkness. His attention was mostly on the guy following him anyway… he was bringing a guy to his special place. He was bringing a guy into his stupidly nerdy corner in this stupidly nerdy place he had adored ever since he was a kid. He was actually doing it.
Wow, Mary would have screamed murder at him for being this uncool. He decided he could deal with her fits later. For now, the projector room.
It pleased him the look of Krel’s face, as it was genuinely the first time he had been there. There were so many seats, the projector was in the middle of the room. It was dark, but the glass dome above them gave a bit of a view over the night sky. Nothing else, absolute simplicity. It was so peaceful here. It made him sigh of relief every single time.
Right now though, it was enough silence to hear his own heartbeats, as the Cantaloupian’s curious eyes went all over the room. He really wanted to be up to his expectations.
“Fascinating.” He looked up to the sky view. “What is the purpose of this place?”
“You’ll see.” Seamus took off that awful jacket of his with a certain satisfaction and put it onto one of the seats. He patted the one next to him. “Give me a moment.” Krel obeyed, taking place, while the blonde went over the controls. He had seen it plenty of times, he had done it as well. Only a few controllers, along with the audio guide. “Get ready for the show!” He hurried to take place where he had left the piece of clothes, deliberately sitting on it – he never wanted to see it again, at least until winder, screw being cool or whatever.
A very familiar excitement took over when the first stars appeared, manifesting the galaxy as a whole. So many points made of light, further than his mind could ever go, yet so reachable in a way his mind couldn’t explain. Soon enough planets came into view as well, Saturn first in all of its beauty, showcasing the rings into the black space.
He took a breath, feeling the familiarity of the place… and something more.
“Space, the ever-present dome of endless wonder,” The audio guide roared through the video, toning it down a little had been a good idea. He remembered when he was a kid, and he had been so conflicted between putting his hands over his ears or risking becoming deaf only for the sake of knowing more about the universe. “And just when you think the universe can’t get any more mysterious…” He knew that explanation by heart at this point.
So he noticed the change nearby. He thought he was imagining it, because it wasn’t the first time the thought had hit him. Then his fingers met others, his heart screamed, and he decided that no dream of his had ever been this vivid.
“I like this place.” Krel was talking softly, close to his ear. It sent a shiver onto his back.
“H-happy to hear.” He let their fingers intertwine, trying to focus less on how everything could end up so horribly and more on how enjoyable everything was. He could live this moment, without thinking of the bad possible outcome. “… you know, the planets got colored like that to appeal the kids I think. The first time I watched it I’ve already studied my kiddie book about planets, and I was so disappointed that they weren’t being accurate.” He snickered, letting his eyes wander on how the celestial corpses were moving in circles. “Thinking that there is so much out there…”
“Yeah… so much.” Krel breathed out. “Galaxies so distant, Earth might never get the chance to reach. Everything is so far from everything here.” His tone had gone down a little, pensive.
The audio guide continued, Seamus was unconsciously moving his mouth along the description that was already stuck into his head. Krel had gone completely silent, even though his warm was still into his. The blonde had no idea what was going on in that impressive brain of his, but whatever it was, he didn’t want to stay away from it.
With his free hand he pointed at the projection, the fragment with all the stars.
“You know, I used to think that space was a little scary. It’s so vast and we humans will probably never live long enough to see it all.” He smiled, remember the stories about the stars his mom used to read for him. “Then I discovered how far stars are, and that from every single planet of the Milky Way the constellations all look the same. It’s like they reach all those places.”
“… what about beyond that?” Krel swallowed, clenching his hold. “What if there are even further planets out there?”
“Well, stars are many lightyears away from here, and one lightyear is 5.8 trillion miles. That’s one heck of a trip.” He got a look that said ‘I knew that’ and laughed, making him smile a little too. “All I’m saying is that, at least for a part of the galaxy, the sky will look the same. And even if we discovered even further away planets where they don’t know about Andromeda or Sagittarius, there will be other stars over there, reaching out for other places, but stars nonetheless.” The projection changed again, coming back to Earth. ���As far as one can go, there are still things that feels like home, you know? That’s why, even though it’s terrifying, I kind of can’t wait to know if there’s more out there.” His throat felt lighter. Oh. He had rarely ever been able to say, was this ok-
Oh. Oh. He was wrong, Krel had never smiled before, not this evening, not even a single time. Because this was his real smile, a radiant curve with those lucid eyes, reflecting the light of the projector. He turned to him, and Seamus almost gasped out of the view alone.
Beautiful. Krel Tarron was really beautiful.
“That is a comforting thought.” His voice wasn’t far anymore, it got back some vigor. “So, this is the real you?” Seamus swallowed. Right, it all came down to that.
“I guess so… yeah, pretty much.”
“Good. I like this Seamus much better than the other one.” Okay, calm down. He was simply making a comparison with how jerky he was before. No need to get all riled up by his wording. “Although I am not completely convinced about the situation, perhaps this matter needs to be deepen on another occasion. Perhaps in another place, at another time… with the two of us.” Okay, no calming down, forget all the rationality he was so going to freak out.
It took him a moment. Then, mustering all of his courage at facing the last doubt that he was going to get slapped or laughed at as soon as he turned, he looked at the guy sitting next to him. No laugh. No slap. Not at all.
“Does… does that mean… another date? A-a proper one?” The Cantaloupian’s shrug said maybe, his extremely wide grin said yes. Seamus was too happy to care about the mocking intention. “Huh, uh, uhm.” Answer stupid, answer! “Yes. That is… sure, why not, it sounds good.” He so needed to work on his communication skills, especially since he was about to meet him so much more from now on – holy everything he just got a date out of Krel Tarron didn’t he. “I can pick you up one of these days, we can go to Sam’s or something…” Wow, a diner, such a romantic place for a date. “O-or something else, maybe I should ask Steve about idea- Oh, dang it!”
Krel’s expression fell. Oh, apparently he wasn’t the only one questioning himself.
“What is it? Is it no good?”
“Oh, no way, it’s nothing! I’m happy!” He straightened his back, glad that they were still holding hands despite everything. “It’s just that… urgh, I hate when Steve’s right about something, he gets super unbearable. Now the fact that he arranged the whole thing and it actually worked will be his biggest accomplishment, not looking forward to that.” He could already see the t-shirts ‘I got this buttsnack a date’ with his face on it. With that being said, it seemed almost an overly fair trade, weeks of mockery coming from that guy for a single date with the Cantaloupian.
Who was staring at him with an arched brow, slowly straightening his back with a wince – yeah, his own back wasn’t doing much better, these chairs were pretty uncomfortable.
“What do you mean he arranged this?” How subtle Steve was?… could Steve actually be subtle?
“Well, you know, it’s pretty evident.” Seamus scratched his cheek with his free hand, laughing a little. “He was the one knowing about my… uhm, interest in you.” Nice understatement. Those brown eyes widened. “The day I offer him a lift with my car you come along, there’s not much else to deduce here.” It was weird that someone this observant hadn’t noticed the coincidence.
Krel was smiling, again, and his cheeks were lightly red. It almost stopped his heart. Then he frowned, like another thought had taken over his more pleasant one.
“You think Steve pushed me to come today?” Seamus blinked. That was a weirdly worded question. He simply nodded. “What makes you think that?”
“Please, that guy would do anything to make me in the situation to make an absolute fool of myself! Granted, I didn’t need much of his help at this turn.” Krel was still blinking, looking baffled. “Besides, who else would’ve cared for this? I don’t think your sister knew about me, Logan is out of the picture tonight, and I’d be terrified if Mary actually managed to be involved without… what? What is it?” The guy was staring so intently, it was hard keeping track with that kind of look.
The hold clenched again. Krel was focused on nothing but him.
“I am simply a little taken back. I thought the fact that I came along only when you were there would have given away my intentions.” His inten- Oh. Oh. That syllabus must had shown onto his face because Krel laughed. He laughed and it was beautiful, even though his brain was having a grand hard time at functioning. “Steve simply said you were there to give him a ride, it was a good occasion. A plan of mine at least.” Still not functioning. “Speaking of, perhaps we should let them know we might be a little late at picking them up. I am in no hurry to leave anymore.” Still hardly understanding. “You are perhaps a little less brilliant than you think you are, Seamus Johnson.” Still non computing. Krel stared at him, right into his eyes. “But you are a nicer company than you might believe to be.” He got closer. Not functioning, not computing not-
Cheek, kiss.
Kiss cheek, cheeky kiss, kiss on the cheek with kiss-
Krel was kissing his cheek.
It was warm and soft, and it made his brain absolute short-circuit. Their noses almost brushed when he pulled away, and Krel’s hair moved a little, lightly smelling like metal. He was an inventor, he said. What else? What else was this person was? He really wanted to know, he really wanted to ask. All he could muster right now though was some sort of whimper, that made the Cantaloupian giggle some more, before getting back on his seat while still holding his hand.
The audio guide’s voice was still as powerful as ever, and at the meteor section something into his head woke up. Seamus realized that, once again, he wasn’t hallucinating. He couldn’t reach his warm cheek with his free hand without looking incredibly awkward but it was fine. It was okay, absolutely okay, and he couldn’t stop grinning because of it.
Turned out, it wasn’t Steve’s fault. It was Krel’s fault.
He was more than happy to go along with it.
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tsukki-rising · 4 years
Text
~wrapped up in you~
pairing: tsukishima x reader fluff
word count: 2,160
summary: one day tsukki follows you on spotify and starts to listen to the same music you do and might get a little obsessed with listening along with you
a/n: jngbrnfj this is my first work, pls be nice and i hope you enjoy
- ok ok so you're kind of friends with yams and tsukkishima and you walk home together a lot - there isn't much conversation for the most part with tsukki listening to his music and yams being a drained lil introvert at the end of long school days and volleyball practice, but you don't mind the quiet walk and actually listen to your own music too - now tsukki, who has been expertly hiding his feelings for you, being the beanpole that he is can see right over your shoulder and look at what you're listening to and after seeing the name and cover of one of your spotify playlists, he finds your account using that - this simp oh my god he follows you and you can't tell it's him because he doesn't use his real name and you're just like "whatever" - now his favorite thing to do at any given time is to check out what you're listening to and listen along with you - now sometimes you do try to initiate a conversation with tsukki even though he is pretty scary, yes even though you're friends with the boy you still get nervous and flustered around the guy cause he's just that pretty scary looking - one day you ask him what he's listening to,,, - he can't say that he listens to what you listen to because it's pretty far from his personal taste (though the lines are blurring between yours and his tastes at this point) - but he still wants to say something that he knows you'd like so he opts to say that he's listening to the soundtrack of one of your favorite movies and acts surprised when you tell him you love the movie and proceed to have a whole conversation about it with him - he is absolutely melting inside with you being so excited to talk about it and rambling about your favorite scenes and songs on the track - but on the outside, he's still big bad tsukki so he just nods along and acts mildly disinterested - sometimes he'll just be studying and hit a roadblock or get bored so he goes to spotify and checks what you're listening to so he can listen to it too and it's like you're listening together - oh my god like that one soulmate au - anyways,,, December rolls around and all of a sudden everyone is talking about their spotify wrapped - tsukki is slightly embarrassed - your music is ruling over his top songs and top artists - the whole time he's tapping through it he feels kinda pathetic for liking you this much and still having not done a single thing about it but also makes him so soft when he's reminded of each cute song and just imagining listening to them with you - he treasures his wrapped and relistens to all the same songs you do as you get your wrapped playlist too - but then... - but then he walks into practice the next day and everyone is talking about their wrapped playlists, showing off their top songs they start to compare and compete to see who has the best wrapped - tanaka, suga, noya, hinata, kageyama, and yams are the ones that get the most excited over the little competition and they are determined to get to the bottom of whose wrapped is the best - you're there at the practice with yachi to help plan new designs for some posters, the team included you both in the competition but since your taste was so different they ruled your wrapped out for the sake of time - tsukki is so nervous - he doesn't want to walk right over to you because he's still keeping his feelings hidden but if he goes to the team they might try to pull him into their shenanigans and he can't have them knowing that he listens to the exact same music you do - he's just kind of standing there uncertain until noya sees him and yells "hey!! tsukkishima, you're always listening to music when we try to talk you into extra practice you better have good a taste, get over here and show us your wrapped" - normally tsukki would have a quick response, tell them that their game is a stupid waste of time but he's been caught off guard - the poor boy actually stutters for a second, eyes darting around the gym like he'll find an excuse - after a moment he finds his composure and sighs, looking to noya and just saying "no" - Suga pauses his argument with hinata to look to tsukki "come on, team bonding" though clearly he has the same motivation as everyone else in the completion, to win and assert superiority over the others - tsukki begins to decline once more before tanaka interrupts "no, no suga let him keep it to himself, his taste is probably too elevated for our inferior brains anyway" he says sarcastically - but as tsukki rolls his eyes and sighs, relieved that he's off the hook, tanaka turns to the rest of the group and gives a wink -"but since you're not busy tsukki could you get the balls for us?" tanaka adds - typically tsukki would put up the biggest fuss before he would do any work that he doesn't have to but today he's happy for the escape to the storage closet - as tsukki starts walking, tanaka turns to the competing group and gets close to yamaguchi so he can whisper "yamaguchi, whats his spotify wrapped look like?" - yams, the shy boy he is panics at the intensity of tanaka's question putting all the focus on him "wh-what?" - tanaka is determined to find his answer so he presses "come one, you're his best friend you have to know" - "oh, oh yeah," yamaguchi realises he could check tsukki's spotify account since he follows him - when yams pulls up the playlist he has to take a second to double and triple check that he's got the right playlist because he swaers this is the same one you showed to everyone just minutes ago - tanaka gets impatient and moves behind yamaguchi to get a good view at what he seems to be so confused about but finds himself just as confused - soon the whole group looks to check out the results but they just don't know how to react and kinda just sit there sharing looks of confusion - except for hinata - hinata is just like 'oh my god that's such a cool coincidence!' and as he sees tsukki returning from the storage room he brings it up without a second thought - "tsukkishima you and Ivy have the exact same taste in music that's so cool!"... - tsukki's heart stops - you definitely heard that - everyone in the gym definitely heard that - its times like these when tsukki's aloof mask comes in handy and with everyone looking at him, he deadpans "good music is good music", shrugs, and moves on - now you, you are confused, you weren't really listening to the boys before hinata's little outburst so you didn't understand what they were talking about and continued you conversation with yachi, making a mental note to ask tsukki about it when you walked home together because he seemed pretty bothered and always loved to complain about his loud teammates - and so, practice moves on as /mostly usual/ - aside from the perplexed looks at tsukkishima of course but he just cuts them off with a glare of his own - at the end of practice as you wait for your two friends outside the gym you listen to your playlist and think back to the times you remember listening to each one on repeat and thinking about a certain #11 - yams exits the gym first (tsukki taking a minute to find some composure to walk next to you the whole way home) - you decide to ask yams about the incident at the beginning of practice since he was right in the middle of it - "yamaguchi, did your little group ever decide who had the best wrapped?" you ask to prompt him to talk about it - he suddenly gets nervous, but you don't think much of it, tadashi's always nervous - he just tells you that they couldn't come to a conclusion and you don't press him any further, seeing his discomfort. so the two of you just wait for tsukkishima - before the tall boy can join you though, Yamaguchi joins the group of boys just leaving the gym to hang out at the coach's store. its weird, yams never ditches you - when the middle blocker does come out he talks even less than usual. normally he'd at least say hi and entertain some kind of small conversation before pulling his headphones over his ears but today he's already got them on and gives you a nod in greeting - with this you're kind of sad, you just love talking to your boys on the walk home after a long day, you decide just to tune in to your own music for the way home since clearly, no one wants to talk to you - and tsukki notices, of course tsukki notices - he sees what playlist you tune into and slyly pulls it up on his own phone so he can listen along - he definitely listens to a lot more sappy love songs than he used to, he definitely wouldn't listen along if he wasn't picturing you every time - he's never been so close to you though while listening along and it makes him feel like such a lovesick puppy - as one love song fades into another he can't stand the distance between you. walking right next to each other but still an arms-length too far apart - he begins to softly hum along with the new song playing, looking up at the sunset clouds with his hands in his pockets - you start to hear a tone in the song you've never noticed before in all the times you've listened to it - you take your earbud out of your ear and look at tsukki and find him humming, looking at the clouds like he's lost in the song like he's dreaming - he looks so calm, so gentle - you begin to hum along - he notices but he's too nervous to look back at you, still clinging to his composure. he knows that if he looked into your eyes now, there's no way he could hold back all the love he has for you from coming out of his mouth in an awkward confession - so he keeps humming along, looking at the clouds - you keep humming too, looking at him - but you reach your hand out to take his out of his pocket - he still doesn't look but he lets you lock your fingers around his and stroke his thumb with yours - as the last lines of the song come, you sing them out loud, wanting to convey how you feel - wanting to let him know that every time you listened to this song, he was the one you thought of - he finally looks at you once the song is over and on instinct you assume he'll be annoyed and ready an apology and excuse in your mind - but when you see his face, his eyes are wet with growing tears - you stop your walking and put your hand that isn't holding his on his face, your brows contort with your face into a worried expression. you squeeze his hand as you realise you'd do anything to see that calm expression again that he was wearing just a minute ago - "tsukki- tsukki whats wrong" - upon seeing you focussed on him, being so close, the feel of your hands. he can't hold it in anymore - he gently chokes out something between a laugh and a sob with a slowly growing smile - he puts his free hand over yours that is holding his face and finally confesses "i just love you. i just love you so much" - the next moment he wishes he could have captured your face on camera as it morphs from concern to match his, smiling and teary eyed - though it would be a disservice to you to compare your smile to his - it takes you a moment to find the words but you tell him "i love you too" - the words don't feel like enough, you love him, you've loved him for so long and its crashing over your heart like a wave now. every time he insulted your intelligence but still helped you study as soon as you asked, everytime he remembered all the little details like your favorite things to get from the sakanoshita store - and now looking at him there was such tension, both of you had so much to say but no words - so you kissed him under the golden sky and hoped that it would make up for the words lost in the haze of love over your mind - and he kissed back, hoping to make up for all the words he should've said sooner
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some-cookie-crumbz · 4 years
Note
Askdjkl that one shot you wrote about Hawks and Fuyumi having baby fever was the cutest thing ever! Do you think you could write one where they tell friends and family they're having a baby?
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I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR A BUNCH OF REALLY FLUFFY NONSENSE AND PREGNANCY PUNS ANON BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THIS IS!!!!!
It wasn’t often that Fuyumi and Keigo were the ones to host the family dinners. Despite the fact they had a house just as grand as the Todoroki estate with ample room to entertain her family, since being released from the hospital and tentative amends being made, Rei adored being the one to host. Fuyumi and her brothers never pushed the subject because they knew it stemmed from her wanting to make up for the years the family lost. She’d missed the chance to be a mother to them for a long time - especially with Shoto - so she wanted to do all she could for them as adults. And, while Fuyumi didn’t have any personal experience with that, she could understand that feeling.
And she would have an even better grasp of it soon enough.
She smiled as she looked over the table, making sure for the second time that it was immaculate and the little centerpiece was dead center. It was one she and Keigo had pieced together over the weekend as a cute little nod to why they’d insisted on hosting this time around. It was a little construction paper bird’s nest with a little ceramic egg in the center. Gently cradling the little egg, Keigo had slipped two of his smaller feathers in, but had dyed one of them to be mostly white with little red flecks.
Fuyumi would be lying if she said she hadn’t swooned a little when she saw it.
“Bathroom and sitting room are all immaculate, babe,” Keigo hummed, arms slipping around her from behind and pulling her against him from behind. She giggled and turned to face him proper, eagerly meeting him for a few quick kisses.
“Thank you, love,” she hummed softly, giving his shoulders a small squeeze. “So, just making sure, our headcount for tonight is nine in total, right?”
“Ten. Both of us, both of your parents, your brothers, Natsu’s lady friend, Fumikage, Rumi and Moe,” he said. She nodded to herself, remembering that she’d picked up enough to accommodate that party size. She’d figured that sukiyaki would be a good idea. She’d almost forgotten that Natsuo had said Nezumi would be able to attend. Ever since they’d graduated from college, their work schedules at the hospital were constantly shifting. “I mean, technically there’s eleven but~!” he sing-songed at her.
She giggled and kissed his cheek. “I can tell you’re really excited about telling them,” she mused, glancing to the left slightly, “Given how fluffed up your feathers are getting.”
Her husband’s grin widened and he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. “Can you blame me? We’re going to have a baby! And we can finally tell everyone that matters!”
She giggled and kissed him again quickly, humming at the feel of his hands smoothing along her sides. “If you don’t get those wings under control everyone is going to know something is going on before we start dropping the hints,” she teased.
He huffed softly and nuzzled her again, his wings moving to curl around her as well. “I’m a pro at poker face, babe. Right now I just wanna enjoy this,” he murmured with a contented little sigh.
The two had been trying for a good couple months to get pregnant, deciding they were ready to officially start their family off. They’d met with professionals to discuss all the details regarding Fuyumi going off her birth control and what to expect following it. Fuyumi expected symptoms to be her first indication and to hit early on, as that had been how her mother’s pregnancies had all gone, but they didn’t realize until she took a pregnancy test. That had been three weeks ago and ever since the reveal, she and Keigo had both been on cloud night. Shortly afterwards, she’d worked to schedule the dinner with everyone so they could reveal it all at once.
It was hard given how many people in their lives were Pro Heroes or worked jobs with sporadic schedules but finally the night had arrived.
Fuyumi perked up when she heard a knock at the door, she and Keigo exchanging excited looks. “Show time,” he mused, pressing another kiss to her cheek.
She beamed before heading to the door, smiling brightly at Rei, Shoto and Fumikage on the other side. “Hello,” she preened, stepping aside so they could enter.
“Hello, darling,” Rei hummed, pausing to briefly embrace her daughter once she entered. The four of them settled into casual chatter as they walked to join Keigo in the sitting room. “Thank you both for having us this evening.”
“It’s our pleasure! You deserve a break from having to do all the cooking and clean-up afterwards, sometime,” Keigo agreed, his wings in their usual relaxed stance when he wasn’t on patrol. He and Rei also exchanged quick hugs before he grinned at Shoto and Fumikage. “Having fun now that you’ve both officially broken out of the sidekick slots?” he teased.
While he chatted up the younger two, there was another knock at the door. Natsuo and Nezumi were the next to arrive, followed shortly afterwards by Enji, and finally Rumi and Moe. The last couple arrived with a small bag as well. “Been a while since we’ve all gotten together, so we brought some of the good shit,” Rumi laughed, holding the bag up. Inside were a few bottles of sake with a label she couldn’t place in the moment.
“Thank you, you two,” she said happily. She escorted them to the sitting room where some passionate discussion between Keigo, Natsuo and Fumikage before heading to the kitchen to put the sake away for later. She then got started on cooking, smiling at the sounds of excitable merriment in the other room. The warmth in her home left her stomach fluttering with delight. She gently settled a hand on her abdomen and glanced down. “You’re going to be brought into such a lovely family.” she whispered before perking back up to resume preparing the sukiyaki.
She was almost done setting places and moving the spread of food to the table proper when Keigo poked his head in, still absolutely glowing. “Need any help with anything?” he asked.
“Just finishing up,” she hummed, indicating the place settings. In a matter of seconds, there were feathers skirting to and fro to complete the task. “Keigo!” she giggled.
“What?” he mused, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her in close. He leaned forward to press a few quick pecks to her temple. “I don’t want you having to do anything more than what’s absolutely necessary!”
“I’m not an invalid, Kei,” she mused, looping her arms around his neck and relaxing in his grasp.
Before he could open his mouth to offer any retort, Natsuo’s head poked around the corner. “Smells good; is food ready?” he asked with a sly grin.
Fuyumi blinked before snorting. “You’re such a grubber, Natsu,” she chided playfully as she moved out of Keigo’s grasp.
“But is that a yes?”
She rolled her eyes. She loved her brothers but sometimes they were just so single-minded. “Yes. Go get everyone else,”
The others were quick to follow him in shortly thereafter, their meal laid out before them all and playful banter starting up. “It smells like you’ve prepared this Kansai-style,” Enji commented with a note of pride in his voice.
“Not bad,” Rumi drawled happily, cheekily grinning at the retired Pro, “but not as good as Kanto-style.”
He scowled at that. “Are you daft? Kansai-style is a more traditional approach with a fuller flavor!”
“Certainly explains how you’re filling out your clothes more than you ever did as a Pro, Endie,” she teased back.
As the pair of them continued their back and forth, Rei’s eyes fell to the centerpiece nest. “Oh, did one of your students make that, Fuyumi?” she asked.
“No, we did,” she giggled, setting into her own spot.
“Since we’re expecting,” Keigo said, drawing the word out for emphasis, “we figured we should go the extra mile.”
The Todoroki matriarch smiled at them. “It’s a rather cute little piece, I will say,” Then, without another word, she turned to patiently break up the escalating argument between Enji, Rumi and - probably feeling left out of bullying the old man - Natsuo over the superior style of sukiyaki. Fuyumi and Keigo exchanged looks, silently agreeing that more hints would be needed.
They tried alluding to there being a bun in the oven.
Fuyumi mentioned them needing to repurpose a spare room.
Keigo made some comment about being in a family way.
Fuyumi suggested the idea of little feet pattering about their home’s halls.
But even with all these hints laid out… It seemed no one at the table was picking up on them.
Keigo pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily as they cleared the table together, their guests still settled at the dinner table and chatting amicably amongst themselves while they awaited dessert. According to some website she’d found, in America pudding was associated with being pregnant - for some odd reason she still couldn’t place - and had thought that would be a funny, cute little ribbon on top of the reveal present. “Well that didn’t go as expected,” he mumbled.
“Agreed,” she said, her own disappointment starting to trickle into her voice. She hadn’t really expected any of the men in her family to catch wise to what they were implying, if she was honest. She knew her father and brothers were incredibly intelligent but they weren’t always the best when it came to social cues. She had, however, thought her mother would pick up on it all. “I think we’ll just have to say it outright.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right. I mean, it’s not the most fun way to tell everyone you’re pregnant but it’ll get it out there, right?” he said with a reassuring grin.
She nodded as they picked up the little dishes of pudding, Keigo’s feathers carrying the ones they couldn’t handle themselves.
They reentered the dining room to another small squabble.
“You’re reading too much into things, Nez,” Natsuo said to the young woman beside him, her little mouse ears drooping slightly.
“Agreed,” Enji said with a small huff.
“B-But,” she trailed uncertainly before perking up at their return. 
“I believe that Nezumi-San may have a point, actually,” Fumikage cut in, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes cracking open. All attention had switched over to him. “I mean, her arguments are valid and logical. Dismissing it all as a misinterpretation feels ignorant at best.”
Shoto opened his mouth to speak but then perked up when he spotted them returning. “Ah, perfect timing, you two,” he said.
“What’s going on?” she asked as she approached her parents to hand them their pudding.
“Thank you, sweetheart,” Rei hummed, taking the little dish and setting it on the table. “Nezumi-Chan thinks you're pregnant because of the little nest decor you two made.”
“That’s not the only reason, though!” Rumi cut in, slapping a hand down on the table.
“Oh, and Mirko is also on her side,” Enji snorted.
“They’ve been making weird comments all night!” she barked back, ears twitching frantically in her irritation.
“Ah, yes,” Shoto chimed flatly, “because being aware of the usage of your living space is strange.”
Fuyumi blinked slowly, her eyes sweeping over to Nezumi. The poor dear looked so flustered by being the one to accidentally cause this little battle. Before she could offer any kind of comforting words to her, though, Keigo blurted, “Oh thank God at least one of you realized what we were doing!”
There was silence for a moment as all eyes turned to Fuyumi herself, most of them stunned but two seeming satisfied and one giddy.
Rei was the first to break the silence. “Fuyumi…? A-Are you..?”
She nodded, feeling the grin split up her face at everything finally coming out. “Yes, Mother. I’m pregnant,” she giggled, happy tears starting to prick at the corners of her eyes.
In a matter of seconds the older woman was scrambling up to embrace her with an excited squeal, nearly barreling the pair of them over. Rumi cackled in manic delight as she flashed Enji a crude hand gesture. Natsuo gave his girlfriend, who looked to be pouting, a quiet and sheepish apology. Moe got up to clap Keigo on the back while Fumikage and Shoto also got up; one to shake his mentor’s hand in congratulations and the other to hug his giddy older sister and mother.
Fuyumi and Keigo exchanged amused looks from the short space between them. They’d chalk the night up to a roaring success.
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keijikunn · 4 years
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Rivalry ── Chapter III
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── A @babythotshq collab “To All the Boys I’ve Loved”
Old feelings
Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x gender neutral!reader Tags: college!au, angst, it’s kinda fluffy??? i don’t know, it’s not that angst either Summary: Tsukishima Kei had never imagined that you, his forever rival in high school, would write him a letter confessing your feelings. Does Tsukishima feels the same way? Word count: 3.7k
Author’s note: I’m dividing the last chapter in two, so I won’t be too long (trust me, it’s over than 6k and I wanna spare you all lol). Hope you all enjoy the chap III and I swear by the end of the month I’ll post the final part! Biggest thank you to @kaitycole​ and @newfriendjen​ that helped me out a lot, I love you two so much 🥺
WARNINGS: swearing, tsukki being salty but what’s new?, makeout (???), hints of anxiety
RIVALRY MASTERLIST
BECOME A BOOKWORM!
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Ever since that… eventful day, you managed to avoid Tsukishima like the plague. It helped the fact you had classes in different buildings, not to mention the fact the college campus was huge. You were about to forget about the letter issue, as the courses have started a few days earlier and you dedicated most of your time to get things settled into a nice routine. Things were too good to be real, though. 
You couldn’t believe in what you saw the first time you stepped inside the extracurricular class, after the first week since classes started. Not only your love letters were sent to all your previous crushes (who seemed to attend the same college as you), but the person you dreaded to see again would spend the next semester with you during your afternoon activities. 
Tsukishima Kei smirked at your distressed expression, waving at you as if you were long time friends. He wants to irk you, Y/n, don’t give him this pleasure. You are better than him anyway, you repeated it as many times as possible before the bell rang - indicating the class was about to start. Fortunately you managed to sit on the opposite side of the room as Tsukishima, though you could feel his eyes burning holes on the side of your head. 
“Why is he so annoying?” You muttered to yourself, sighing in annoyance. The professor entered the classroom, quickly introducing himself and the upcoming project you would work on. You were excited for it when you researched about the university, it was as if a dream was coming true, and you made up your mind to not let Tsukishima Kei ruin this experience. 
“As always, we randomize the duos, so be prepared to work with someone who does things differently than you.” The old man at the front announced, and your guts were telling you that this wouldn’t be good. “Raise your hand if I call your name so your partner can find you.
The longer he took to call out your name, the more convinced you were that fate wouldn’t play nice with you. When the other two people left were paired up together, leaving you and Tsukishima without a partner, you had to hold the urge to scoff. As much as you tried your hardest to not bump into your old crush, the whole universe made sure to go against your will. 
I should have gone to another extracurricular activity, damn it.
“So… guess we’re a duo, now,” Tsukishima snickered at your disgusted face, laughing at your dismay. “It’s not that bad be paired up with me, Y/n, c’mon”
“You’re right, it’s not bad.” You started, sending him a sharp glare. “It’s the worst thing ever”
With that, you turned around to pay attention to the further details the professor addressed the class. You knew Kei would try to make your experience in this project a literal hell, but you weren't going to let his antics distract you from getting anything less than the best result. You internally hoped that the tall boy also aimed for that, despite his annoying demeanor around you.  
If not, you’d have a long semester ahead of you. 
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“For God’s sake, Tsukishima, this is not how we’re supposed to do it!” You whisper-yelled at the blonde boy, angrily gripping on your hair, holding yourself back from screaming at his face. It has been two weeks since you two started working on that stupid project, and it’s been two weeks of complete hell and anger. Being at the college’s library didn’t help as well, since you couldn’t externalize your frustration.  “Can’t you read what I wrote down? Professor said we should follow this!”
“Yes, I’ve read it and decided that it sucks.” Tsukishima shot back, pushing away your notebook, writing a few words on your draft. “C’mon, Y/n, you should know by now that we don’t follow any professor’s instruction. We’re not at high school anymore, be more independent, won’t you?”
You hated to admit, but he was (at some instance) right. What hurt your pride more was that his suggestion was actually good- not that you would admit that, you’d rather die than say it out loud. This idea could easily work out with what you have thought previously, not to mention it would make more sense. 
The lack of response made Tsukishima’s shit-eating grin grow on his features, irking you the exact same way he knew he was able to. He proceeded to add a few details on the paper and neatly placed it inside his folder, collecting his materials from the table. You two have been workin for almost two hours non-stop on the project after the whole morning classes, you had to admit your energy wore off at that point.
“Give me the paper, I want to add a few extra things.” You demanded, holding out your hand for him. Tsukishima arched his eyebrows as if he was surprised by such a request, then he scoffed at you - like always. “I’m not joking, I do want to modify it a bit.”
“The point of this being a group project is that we work on this together.” He stressed the last word, zipping his bag and shoving it over his shoulder. “And you wouldn’t do anything, judging by how tired you are.”
“I’m not!” 
“Then care to explain how you didn't think about what I suggested earlier?” Suddenly your mind went blank at his response, what in the world does that mean? “You can think about this tomorrow, try not to melt your tiny brain.”
The tall boy left you without sparing a second glance, fumbling with his intertwined earphones as he walked. To say you were confused by his comment would be an understatement. Was he worried you would overwork yourself? No way, Tsukishima Kei would never care enough about you of all people. 
Yet he’s still your partner. 
“Fuck off, Tsukki.” You muttered tiredly, focusing on putting your belongings inside your backpack to (finally) head to your dorms.
The first time you’ve ever heard Tsukishima’s name was after the first exam of your freshman year in high school. Everyone was crying about their low grades, groaning at the prospect of having to study a lot more to the upcoming test. If you were not mistaken, a boy in your class named Yamaguchi commented how “Tsukki was smart” and he wasn’t surprised he aced it. 
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“Hey, L/n!” The girl who sits next to you approached you, paper in her hands. “How did you do?”
“I got 96%.” You answered quietly, trying not to drag attention to yourself due to your great performance. People in middle school didn’t like when you mentioned your grades, claiming you did that just to brag. 
“Ehh? You’re so smart!” She said smiling. “Please, help me study! From what I heard just you and a boy from class 3 had such a high score. And Yamaguchi-kun said Tsukishima-kun doesn’t help anybody.”
“Of course, we can study at the library if you want to.” The offer seemed to appeal to her, given the fact she nodded quickly and proceeded to write down her cellphone number to you. “By the way, who is this Tsukishima guy?”
“He’s a tall, blonde boy. He uses glasses and if I’m not wrong he’s part of the volleyball club.” She answered, waving at you as she went back to her circle of friends, leaving you to think about who this boy is. “He’s not nice though. Always treats everyone as if he’s superior.”
You were able to put a face to the name you had in your mind after a couple of weeks, when another private school had a volleyball match against the male team of Hakone Academy. It wasn’t hard to figure out that the middle blocker with a poker face was Tsukishima, and you were surprised that he was actually good looking. Something that lacked in him, though, was passion in the sport - or rather in anything, according to your classmates. 
Ever since that game, it seemed like you started to see Tsukishima every day in the corridors. You’d see him walking down the halls, his headphones always placed on the top of his ears, muffling the loud noise caused by the other students. He was cold to everybody, even rude if you were to be honest, but he was something else. His interests were inviting, itching your curiosity to get to know him better.
You realized you had a crush on Tsukishima Kei when you noticed how you paid attention to whenever you saw him around school, hearing his steady tone (usually talking to Yamaguchi) and his snarky smirk. All information you knew about him was, being honest, too little to grow intense feelings, but what got you hooked up was exactly this: you wanted to get to know him. 
Things, however, didn’t work out the way you planned. The very first interaction you had with him was a disaster. You sounded way cockier than you wanted, you’ve never planned on teasing him and you have never imagined that it would backfire on you and lead him to dislike you.
After that incident, you discovered the aversion quite a lot of students had against him. Most of them claimed the same thing: Tsukishima Kei was mean, smug, had a superiority complex and always treated everyone poorly. A part of you didn’t want to believe in that, but how could you not when he mocked you in front of everyone?
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Things didn’t get easier as the project progressed, not because it was too technical or that it required too many details. Yours and Tsukishima’s endless arguments and bickering always ended in screaming matches, hurtful comments and you two not on speaking terms. The premise of group projects was to create something together, but at this point you were doing your own thing while thinking about what the other was working on. 
“Are you a dumbass or do you just pretend to be one?” Tsukishima angrily asked, dropping your notebook on the table. “This is horrible, Y/n.”
“You think it’s horrible because you’re doing things as you wish, not considering what I have to suggest!” You responded, your voice tone a few octaves higher due to your stress. Currently you two were at his dorms - the library was not an option anymore, the librarian kicked you out after you were shouting at each other - both awfully close as his dining table was tiny. “This is a fucking group project, you said it before! So you have to listen to what I have to say.”
“I’m not listening when you suggest stupid things like this!” He retorted, ripping the page out and crumpling it to toss on the floor. You widen your eyes, shocked at his recent action. 
“Wow, Tsukishima, you are really being this petty.” A humorless laugh escaped your lips, you shook your head in denial, getting up to collect your paper off the ground. The tension in the air grew thicker and the man’s intense gaze burned holes on your back. “People were right, after all. You are unbearable.”
Tsukishima’s smug facade cracked a bit, you noticed, after hearing what you just said. His smirk left his face for a brief moment and his eyes mirrored mixed feelings, could they be sorrow, insecurity? You didn’t have enough time to decipher them as he quickly recomposed himself, offering you a snark grin. 
“That’s why you liked me, huh? Did you want to correct the horrible, mean, malicious person that I am?” Tsukishima teased, hitting your emotions with ease. Your mind was empty, only his words echoing inside it, bumping into your skull with force. 
You couldn’t understand him, honestly. 
One time he is all worried about you overworking, passively aggressively implying you’re capable of suggesting better ideas; and now he’s being childish and not sparing a single offense towards you. You knew Tsukishima Kei was a hard person to handle if you’re not as quick witted as him, but this? This level of pettiness and stubbornness? For a young adult like him, that claims he’s better than everyone else? 
“I’m done.” You stated, too burnt out to respond to his teasing comment. Your temples hurt due to the confusion the blond man was giving you, the constant push and pull between you two worn you out. 
“What do you mean ‘you’re done’? We’re not done yet.” He stated as if it was a matter of fact - which was, he wasn’t wrong. 
“Do I look like I care? I’m doing this shit by myself, you can do whatever you want, I’m done with you.” Silence engulfed the room, and you mentally thanked this peaceful moment. It, however, didn’t last long, because Tsukishima always finds ways to make things worse. 
“Are you giving up that easy, Y/n? Couldn’t handle a bit of teasing?” That was it. The mocking tone he used against you was enough to snap the last string of sanity inside you, freeing a rage you never knew you had against him. The angriness burned your chest as you slammed your hands on the table, making Tsukishima flinch at the sudden outburst. 
“Yes, I can not deal with your teasing ass.” You admitted shamesly, your mind ran a thousand miles a minute, not registering the words that left your mouth. “What I can’t deal  with is a petty boy that can’t take this goddamn project seriously!”
“It wasn’t me who suggested stupid ideas.” Kei spat back, leaning in your direction, inviting you to answer him - almost like a dare. 
“You always say my ideas are vain, stupid or whatever, but you never offered anything great or fucking brilliant,” it was indeed true. Tsukishima proudly belittled everything you said for the past few weeks, but never came up with something new. Instead, he modified everything you’ve given to him. “So please, before you put yourself above the others, do something that makes you actually the best-”
Any and every train of thought you had was interrupted by the aggressive contact of Tsukishima Kei’s lips against yours. Everything seemed to melt with the heat coming from the kiss, your hands sneaking behind his neck and gripping rather harshly at his blond hair. In between the feverish moment, Tsukki managed to sit you on the table and place himself between your legs. Gasps and soft murmurs interrupted the kiss every once in a while, your mouth occasionally made its way down his jaw and neck, nibbling and sucking his skin.Only until one of you reconnected them, tongues sliding against each other.
You honestly don’t know how long you two spent making out, but it was enough time to leave a few hickeys on each other's necks and clothes lightly pulled up. Tsukishima’s ears were as red as his swollen lips, the blond hair was a mess thanks to your roaming hands and the white t-shirt wrinkled.
“Still think I don’t suggest brilliant ideas?” Tsukishima teased, but the embarrassment he was feeling was written all over his face. To say you were speechless was an understatement, you’ve just had a full make out section with your biggest high school rival, the one you knew hated you the most. “Cat got your tongue? Or should I say- did I get your tongue, Y/n?”
“What the fuck did you just do, Tsukishima?” You demanded flustered, the feeling of his body close to yourself fading away. "Why have you done this?!" 
"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy, Y/N, I can feel the spot you left a hickey on." His comment made you groan in annoyance, because you knew you wouldn't be able to retort it. 
Not paying attention to your surroundings, you pushed Tsukishima away from you, quickly grabbing your bag to leave his dorms. You didn't mind if you forgot something at his place - you would see him the next day, anyway. All you wanted was to get away from him, to finally think straight.
The cool air of the end of the day would help you come back to a reasonable state of mind.
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You kept acting around Tsukishima after the first encounter. Whenever you had the chance to irk him you did it, initiating an unnecessary banter. You felt stupid to say the least, how low could you go? 
Yet, you continued. Just to have his attention. Pathetic. However, you had a limit. And Tsukishima managed to trespass it with such facility you were surprised. 
It happened during your second year, exactly one year after you got so interested in that mean boy. Things weren't easy for you, many reasons were behind your unstable state. School was overwhelming like never before, you could barely juggle between regular activities and your club's. 
The stress weighted on you to the point you let your grades slip at one exam. You knew you had your worst performance so far, and the subject didn't help you as well. 
"I'm going to hand back the exams." Your homeroom teacher announced, earning heavy groans from the whole class. A sigh escaped your lips, knowing how screwed you were if Tsukishima knew how poorly you did. "L/n Y/n" 
As you got up from your desk, you felt a familiar pair of eyes burn holes on your back. The moment you read the barely 50% score written on the top of the paper, you blanked out. You missed how your teacher kindly smiled at you, reminding how this one performance didn't define you. The words didn't make sense to you, because for you it didn't matter. You failed. 
Tears pricked the corner of yours eyes, shallow breaths escaped your parted lips as you sat down once again, barely sparing a glance at the paper on your desk. You truly didn’t know if someone tried to approach you, mind far away from reality, engulfing itself in a spiral of self doubt, worries and self depreciation. 
“Well… looks like the top 2 student failed miserably on the test.” The steady, yet teasing tone of Tsukishima’s voice broke you out of your own head. “You’re fake, couldn’t even get more than half of it correct. You’re a lie, Y/n.”
“Not now, please.” It took most part of your will to mutter these three words without letting your voice crack. Tsukishima arched his eyebrows, amused by the scene unfolding in front of him: you lowering your head against your forearms on the table, shielding your tears from anyone. “Tease me all you want, but please do it another time.”
However, he kept going. Tsukishima pointed out every single question you got wrong, rubbing in your face how he aced another stupid paper while you were a failure. The classroom was noisy, the end of the period let the students talk freely, but you only heard Kei’s voice, adding to your pre-existent stress and pressure. 
As far as you could remember, you’ve never underestimated him in any interaction you two had. Sure, you threw a teasing comment every once in a while, but always bragging about yourself, how you’ve outsmarted him. But you were sure you never humiliated him - and you’d never do such a low blow like this. 
“Enough, Tsukishima!” You raised your voice, everyone now was paying attention to you two. The embarrassment heated your entire face and your tears finally ran down your cheeks, the blond boy seemed startled with your sudden outburst, though his smirk quickly returned to your face. “I got that you’re better, now can you please shut the fuck up?!”
Thankfully the bell rang, indicating classes were over for the day. You quickly shoved your test on your bag, throwing it over your shoulder as you turned to head to the door. With the sleeve of your coat, you wiped the reminiscent tears from your eyes and left the room. Not only you exited that suffocating place, but also you left behind the stupid crush you had on Tsukishima Kei. 
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Since that day, you couldn’t stand being near him, all teasing interactions reduced to none and you’ve never checked the scoreboard as soon as the grades were out. You focused on your own stuff, trying your best to clear your thoughts from Tsukishima - which didn’t work as well as you planned. 
Every once in a while, in the middle of a studying session, you found yourself pushing your limits like you used to do to get a higher performance than him. As much as you hated to admit, Tsukishima was a great incentive to do better, to set higher goals academically speaking. And though he caused you a lot of pain, a part of you (the stupid one, in your words) still thought he was attractive, you still had a tiny interest in the true guy behind that acting. 
That’s why you decided to write him that letter. Perhaps admitting your “crush” on him would make you realize you’ve created almost an entire new person using his name and face. In a way it actually helped, you truly thought you have moved on from him and college would give you a new beginning away from Tsukishima. 
Fate, on the other hand, had other plans for you and here you are: walking slowly towards your dorms, emotionally drained and confused. The prospect of Tsukishima Kei having the slightest interest in you was shocking, especially after all those three years of. endless insults. 
Are those feelings coming back? 
“Oh, no.” You muttered to yourself, immediately stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, frightened about your last thought. “Oh my, there’s no way I’m crushing Tsukishima once again!” 
If you concentrated enough, you could still feel his chapped lips against your skin, his large hands roaming through your body. He was right about you enjoying it- in reality, you did more than you’d like to admit. Tsukishima Kei was annoyingly filling your mind with both his smart and arrogant ass and that unexpected (but surprising) heated moment. 
You needed to get to your dorms and take a long shower to put your thoughts in order, because there’s no way you’re having feelings for Tsukishima Kei once again.
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COLLAB MASTERLIST!
SEARCH A BOOK!
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tosikoarts · 4 years
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SFW Alphabet | Kadokura Toshiyuki
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There he is, the tanuki man! Ask box is now OPEN. You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.
A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
 Thanks to the omnipresent influence of bad luck, Kadokura has little experience when it comes to love life (yes, we don’t count a marriage which was a complete failure, okay, his wife and daughter ran off), courtship, and romance in general. Those relationships he was involved in never grew in anything serious, and he was often left with nothing but a broken heart so, obviously, when Kadokura starts to notice a flaring interest in anyone, he is confused.
First, what? Second, why? Could it happen in a more convenient time, not when he is hunted by a rabid Superior Private and, potentially, by a dozen more dangerous personalities in Hokkaido? Despite being a complete wreck, Kadokura tries to play it cool. He acts just as unperturbed as always, does not go out of his way to impress his untimely crush because what if they don’t like him at all? Worse! What if they are disgusted with him or something?
Thus the only affection they can expect are endless entertaining conversations, - Kadokura knows a ton of fables and his heart skips a bit when they laugh at yet another story, - and help whenever they may need it. In fact, he is just scared to death that his “luck” will affect them too. Moreover, if it happens, he won’t be able to protect them or play a knight in shining armor since he isn’t that personable, formidable, strong…
Kadokura is a king of pinning and self-doubt so, you know, the only way this relationship can progress anywhere is if his crush takes the initiative. Takes him by the hand, makes some compliments, shows that they care and are interested. The best option would be to just tell him directly what a dumb dummy he is that he can’t notice their green lights.
After that everything becomes much easier: Kadokura slowly steps up his dating game! Sure, it’s a long time from “Wow, your eyelashes are so long. Like cow’s eyelashes” to “Moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” (Note: check out Natsume Soseki to understand the context!) and from chilling by the fire to sitting on the porch of own house but trust the process.
Mostly relies on the way his partner shows their affection and adjusts to them. If they are more about verbal affection, he will put all his efforts into becoming smooth talker, if they are a more physical person, Kadokura will hold them by the hand and hug the shit out of them. Simple as that.
 B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
 The start of this friendship is unpredictable. They had to meet either before Kadokura started to work as a jailor (or they had to be imprisoned in Abashiri lol) or after he joined Hijikata Toshizou. Both options come down to Kadokura getting into some kind of trouble like make another lunatic mad at him and his future best friend, or simply bumping into them on the street, scattering all of the goods they just bought on the road. Kadokura gets under the horse's hooves in an attempt to collect them. Now he needs medical help. Please, help this poor man.
Never initiates anything but if you offer to hang out Kadokura will be down. Again, hanging out with him is a double-edged sword: you may end up in the maelstrom of events that will leave you with a shit ton of crazy stories for grandkids or you may fall onto the ground and lie like a stone telling each other the dumbest puns. Both are good, in my opinion, just be aware of the possibilities.
There are moments when he can't stop complaining about life. Usually, it happens over a shot of sake when Kadokura’s cheeks crimson, long sighs substitute commas in between of lamentations, and the atmosphere becomes more intimate. The prisoners are, of course, very attentive listeners, but you will not get any emotional feedback from them. With freshly made best friend, Kadokura tends to overshare and then profusely apologize for that.
Just like with Hijikata Toshizou, he will stick his neck out for them but won’t expect the same in return. To the point where if he was forced to choose between saving either Hijikata or his best friend, Kadokura will have to commit die instead.
 C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
Enjoys being cuddled more than he originally thought. For the first time in a while, his palms are sweating, butterflies are swarming in the stomach, so gentle touch feels almost dazing: Kadokura may even flinch in surprise when they start nuzzling on his shoulder like a cat. Later he finally convinces himself to ease off enough to pull them into an unescapable hug, fall together on the ground and fool around or pull them on his lap and plant few kisses on their cute nose. Doesn’t like spooning because every time he is big spoon three is no way he can keep hands to himself. The temptation is too great, and Kadokura doesn’t even try to resist it.
D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Why this question?. Who even dreams of a nasty cozy home? Of the disgusting overwhelming feeling of safety with the love of one’s life? Waking up and falling asleep together, sharing all good and bad from day to day? HORRIBLETERRIBLEAWFUL sign Kadokura up. Of course, he wants to settle down. The desire to have a family nest has been growing in his heart for years but until now there was no person to share this dream with. He brings up the idea of living together as soon as it seems more or less appropriate and flies over the moon (at the speed of light) when his partner supports it. Good at cooking but sucks at cleaning.
E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Classical breakup with “It’s not you, it’s me” line in it. Kadokura will not break up with his partner until all possible methods of saving relationships have been tried out: this is one of the most difficult decisions in his life ever and fucking up something that can be saved would be idiotic. He has doubts until the last second of course. Scratching the back of his head awkwardly and dejectedly avoiding their gaze, Kadokura tries to get to the point but his speech is interrupted by endless ummms and ughs. In the end, he feels as awful as they do, guilty and somewhat ashamed, so after making sure they are not going to do anything stupid, Kadokura flees.
There is not a lot to say besides that Kadokura clearly understands how hard it is to be left (and usually that’s how breakup feels like you were left on the side of the road) so he tries to be delicate. Checks up on them from time to time by sending long letters with detailed descriptions of his misadventures.
F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
He is no longer at an age when postponing a wedding is almost a matter of course but, at the same time, Kadokura is held back by the fear that this marriage will end like a previous one. Is he legally divorced at all?... Anyway, Kadokura is torn between proposing on the first anniversary and waiting an unknown amount of time until they bring up this question. Dreams of a small wedding with one or two guests from both sides so they are not obligated to be too serious and constrained with traditions. Kirawus has to be one of the guests, he cries at the sight of happy butthole peeker Kadokura.
G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
Ayyy, he is the type of man who lets his hand go numb but won’t move it to not disturb his loved one’s sleep. Kadokura is way more gentle than any of the ex-soldiers, both physically and emotionally but his attempts to show it often come off as kind of awkward and malapropos. Do not let it upset you: Kadokura is a master in turning everything into a good joke and laughing at small inconveniences. He is the one to apologize first after the big argument, the one to offer a big hug after a bad day, the one to sit beside and listen to the emotional rent without giving even one unnecessary comment.
H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
Whenever his loved one wants, Kadokura will be there with arms outstretched to the sides, ready to give them the tightest hugs. He likes to gently rub their back at the same time or nuzzle against their neck but is hesitant if there are any onlookers.
In family life, he has no problem with randomly running up to his loved one for a hug. Really, Kadokura is a sucker for unexpected back hugs where he can put hands on the partner’s waist and press them into his body, deliberately distracting them from housework.
You can easily tell Kadokura is having a rough day when he slips from usually coveted embraces: it is an unconscious trick to fish out a double portion of physical affection from his loved one.
I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)
Pretty fast compared to others. Half of the year, maybe? It has to be obvious you love a person by that time or so Kadokura thinks. He is not afraid to be misunderstood since by the time confession is ready to slip from his tongue, Kadokura already has planned a whole paragraph ahead of all questions: if they are not ready to say it back that’s fine, if they don’t feel the same right now or in general that’s fine if they need space to think about that’s fine. Everything is fine with Kadokura, he just wants to convey the idea that they are irreplaceable and make him feel like no one did before.
J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
A definition of confusion in all scenarios since he can’t clearly understand his own emotions. Is it a disappointment? If it is anger, it’s greatly diminished by a feeling of worthlessness. If they are being hit on, Kadokura sees himself as a rather weak opponent but picks himself up and stands next to a partner, gently taking them by the hand, and asks them if everything is alright. If the rival is excessively pushy, Kadokura will let out a heavy sigh before getting into a fight because no way he will let any bastard hurt his loved one. Needs to be patched up after the fight. Can’t stop smiling like a fool when they wipe the blood abundantly oozing from a broken nose. It’s good for his ego.
If they decided to flirt with anyone, Kadokura chokes on his own saliva. Like. What. This is so humiliating. He wants the ground open to swallow him up, along with all his stupid feelings for them, which, apparently, mean nothing. Needs a lot of space to cool down and has a hard time confronting them about the situation. Kadokura is more comfortable with repressing this unpleasant memory than sorting things out.
K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
With Kadokura every kiss is just like the first one in the best sense of the word: his kisses are gentle, warm, not too sloppy, not too dry, not priestly prude, and not teenagerly aggressive. Although he has a funny (or annoying, it is not for everyone) habit: sometimes he decides to smooch them in the middle of talking just because. If they scold him for that he just laughs it off and plants a hundred more kisses on their poppy-red face.
Loves to kiss his partner on temples and lips but, honestly, as long as it’s them Kadokura will kiss them whenever, from the top of the head to the tip of their pinky toes, literally. Prefers to be kissed on the lips too but also on the neck, chest, and belly.
L = Little ones (How are they around children?)
First of all, Kadokura loves children with his whole heart. Second of all, kids love Kadokura like no other babysitter. Put them together in one room and watch them vibe. Honestly, he is naturally good around little ones, it looks like he was born with a talent to keep up with those fidgets. If his child is struggling with any school subject, Kadokura will spend the evening with them, helping them to understand a difficult concept. Even if he doesn’t understand it himself, nothing can stop Kadokura from dive into books, teach himself, and then explain learned stuff to kids. Absolutely amusing when he babytalks. Wants three or four children but still has a fear of being a bad father (unreasonably!).
M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
Lazy as mornings can be. No one hurries to jump out of the bed to get down to business, and the house stays silent until late noon. After waking up, Kadokura languidly sits up in the sheets, yawns, and curls up back to his partner, spending another few hours snoozing in their warmth.
Eh, it feels like Kadokura is the type of person that is awfully quiet in the morning. It is easier for him to convey his thought with gestures than to start moving his tongue. Well, except when it comes to kisses. He doesn't mind spending some energy on that.
N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)
Nights are calm and cozy. They are pretty much normal, usually spent at home since it is nearly impossible to drag Kadokura anywhere after 6 p.m. On especially good days, he can surprise his partner with simple but delicious food: unusual gourmet dishes of the Michelin 3-star restaurant level aren’t his forte but miso soup made with unconditional love is definitely his signature dish.
Fond of playing games with his loved one despite losing 9 times out of 10. They have lost more than five dices already but Kadokura keeps buying new sets, of higher quality and higher price. After the game is finished, Kadokura or his partner thinks up a challenge for the loser like cook for a week or call the winner one specific word for a day so they can have more fun.
O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
 They have to become his friend before Kadokura starts to reveal more info than the one that is known to everyone in the area. By the way, a good indicator of closeness is the ability to laugh together: look at his relationship with Kirawus, that is just the right level to open up. Takes things slowly, expects another person to share as much as he does. Kadokura is very particular when it comes to the innermost and knows how to keep secrets, so he makes it clear from the very beginning it’s okay to speak their mind, ask for advice, etc. As stated before, tends to overshare after having too much sake.
 P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)
The patient isn’t the right word, resigned is. There is nothing in this world that can surprise him: Kadokura had to deal with the most terrible scumbags imaginable, serve as bait for a killer (and face another person who wanted his death even more than the aforementioned killer!), freeze his ass off while standing on the thin ice with a knife between his rimed buttocks. Like, the peak of life’s evil tomfoolery is reached. Kadokura is prepared to face anything and everything and is relieved every time it’s not a near-death experience or bloodthirsty wild animal.
Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
It depends on how stars align on each separate day. Today he remembers 99,9% of what his loved one said and the next day not a single word reaches his brain cells. Kadokura is way more focused on feelings and emotions he experiences together with his partner so it is not uncommon for him to remember they were uncontrollably laughing but were cold than that they fell in the river because he was rocking the boat. It works the same with negative emotions: Kadokura somehow feels he should lock the dog even though he has no clear memory that his loved one is afraid of them. Why did I do it? I don’t know, gut’s feeling.
R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
A first kiss for sure! After a long lull in personal life, the first kiss with a new person awakens a whole storm of emotions in him. Kadokura feels like he is eighteen again, he just crossed the doorstep of adulthood and discovered the delight of the first relationship. This joy is enough to take away his speech for a minute: months later this moment makes him wince in disbelief of how silly he must have looked with eyes wide-opened and jaw hanging low. After that, he still had the courage to ask “oh so does it mean we are the thing now? Like the real thing?”. No, Kadokura spent the next week wondering if this was a feverish dream despite given a positive answer.
S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Do you want to live? Run then! Use the Joseph Joestar’s famous plan and strategically retreat because his brain needs some time to come up with a plan. Kadokura obviously wants to keep his loved one safe and sound, who doesn’t, but it is not that easy. He gives them a gun or knife to protect themself in the moment of danger since, chances are, Kadokura himself will be in even deeper troubles, millimeters away from swiftly bayonet sending him straight to heaven.
Relies mostly on keeping them as far from the battle scene as possible. Even if they handle a gun better than he does, Kadokura actively protests in every possible way and convinces them to stay somewhere safe: he knows for sure if they get injured, he will be the one to blame, and if something irreversible happens, he won’t be live on without a heavy burden of guilt.
T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
Despite the lack of ample opportunities to show his love inexpensive or exquisite ways, Kadokura tries his best to impress his loved one. He is ready to change himself and change his life as well to be worthy of their company. A little more effort to get out of bed and shave this mess off the neck, even more effort to buy a new suit for their dinner date out, every drop of effort to accept his awkwardness and let things go with the flow. Anniversaries are treated the same way: if possible, in summer Kadokura will plan a trip to the South coast where they can enjoy loneliness together to the sound of waves breaking on the rocky shore. In winter, he will certainly try to create an extra festive and cozy atmosphere at home, cooking their favorite food, and making an excessive amount of tea. We are talking about the level at which the kettle is never empty. Relatively diligent in the everyday task but no powers in the world will force him to clean up like a normal man.
U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
“A wilted, uninspired middle-aged dude” he is, and it affects how Kadokura perceives himself more than you think. In turn, this perception seeps into his life as self-doubt, self-deprecating jokes, and hesitation in making important decisions. At the same time, if you point out this flaw to him, Kadokura will sulk. You would think he has to know better but no.
Unmotivated and has a hard time opening up to new experiences like learning new skills or finding new hobbies. Not as much as Kikuta, but Kadokura also has a habit of doing as he did twenty years ago even if the consequences did not live up to expectations. He sees a rake that WILL hit him on the forehead and JUMPS on it anyway.
V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
Earlier in the days when grass was greener and the sky was bluer, Kadokura put more thought into his appearance but over time it changed. With the current state of the world, he doesn’t bother to waste his time fixing his hair every hour and blow the dust off his shoes. His uniform is in a relatively ok condition, with few patches here and there, three-day stubble often overgrows in one-week stubble, and bags under the eyes give him a shabby look but there is a charm in it.
W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Some people try too hard to hide the fact they are hurt while going through a bad breakup and he is one of them. Days seem endlessly long and gloomy, Kadokura performs given tasks only because it is expected from him, he stops playing cards with Kirawus and doesn’t bat an eyelid when ainu bugs him. Absent-mindedness leads Kadokura straight into new problems but none of them is enough to shake him up. He is… sad. Simply as that. Not heartbroken, not sorrowful. It is an empty sadness that leaves you painfully numb without a stingy tear to shed. To make it even worse, after the breakup Kadokura persistently seeks their company again and again for reasons he can’t explain. Maybe, it is desensitization: the more he sees them as an outsider, the easier he takes it. Shortly after, he will try to find the trace of his ex-wife and daughter, reunite with them if… they want to, you know. They might start a new life while he was nodding off in the workplace.
If they have been killed, Kadokura will live on, faithfully serving Hijikata. He refuses to talk about them at all, brushing off offered emotional support. Still, he was born under an unlucky star and nothing can be done about it: it is something he has to come to terms with.
X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)
Let's forget the canon for a second and pretend that Kadokura has a sister or a brother who, in turn, has a child. So my headcanon is that he is a cool uncle. The one who gives kids life advice in the form of a funny parable, pretends he doesn’t hear them sneaking out in the night, puts more money in an envelope so they can save some up for cool stuff. His lifehacks are actually useful even though sometimes questionable… The one who doesn’t have to try to fit in with the new-gen because he got it already.
Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
There is only one specific thing that comes to mind since Kadokura is too chill and it seems he can deal with almost everything.
People with excessive energy. We are not talking about the literal ray of sunshine type of person that beams with energy but rather about people who are active and need other people to match them. They need strong feedback from another person to feel validated and not to fall into the depression abyss and Kadokura is not a person to match this description. He is not about running around 24/7 enthusiastically grimacing at every little thing. It's exhausting. It is annoying. Kadokura’s social battery runs out on their second sentence so he prefers to avoid such Duracell bunnies at all costs.
Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)
Just like Kikuta has a specific ritual before going to bed. Jailer's work taught Kadokura to pay more attention to the security of the house so he can’t fall asleep without checking all the doors. This habit has nothing to do with obsessive-compulsive disorder, it is what it is. Besides it, Kadokura gives his partner a goodnight kiss on the temple because what if he wakes up and they are not here or what if he won’t have any other chance to do it. This one doesn’t change even if Kadokura is stressed the f out: he may be red from the anger but he will lean down and smooch them to remind how much they mean to him.
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