#seeing grey

[hinamie]

oversaturate

[greykolla-art]

⚠️Please don’t touch the sexy deer, it’s not flirting with you. ⚠️

I’ve got a thing for Vox being a fuckboi who keeps thinking their tension is gonna lead to hate sex. 😂

[calamitydarcy]

shoutout to acespec and/or arospec people who still feel some amount of sexual/romantic attraction btw. shoutout to everyone who isn't fully aro/ace and isn't fully allo. shoutout to the aspecs who feel like they don't fully fit in aro/ace communities or allo communities because of it. i love you all i am baking you cookies

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

[swiftracer13]

Depressions

You know what is really shitty? Depressions! I don't know, but maybe some of you already guessed it, I have depressions. I have them since almost 20 years now. And it seems like many people doesn't really know what depressions are or what it feels like to have them, and they don't really understand people with depressions.

The short explanation of it is, that you aren't able to really feel positive feelings. It's like something you know that you should be happy about, like in my case, seeing my rabbits do funny stuff or just running like crazy through our backyard garden, or your favorite sports team winning even though they are the big underdog, or having fun with someone you like or is your friend. You know that you should feel happy about it, but you aren't, because somehow you can't. But you don't know why you can't feel happy about it. The worst thing is when your own family, or often also other people then tell you that you should just enjoy the little things or enjoy something. And you then tell them that you try to, but you can't. But then people doesn't understand you and make you feel like you're thinking wrong. That makes you even unhappier and gets you deeper into the depression. Because depressions also make you feel nagative things even more intense than it seems to be normal. For example, just a simple conversation that isn't going like you wished it would be going, can bring you down. Or just when something isn't quite going as planned.

But depressions aren't the same every day. Sometimes there are days or whole phases where they aren't that bad, then you can have a bit of fun and don't feel completely down and unmotivated to do anything. But there are also days or phases when those depressions are extremely bad and you could cry the entire day and are unable to do anything that you don't really want to do, and even the thing syou want to do are feeling difficult to do, and you don't do them sometimes. And you can't control it, it just happens and most of the times, you don't even know why. You don't know if there was something triggering it or not. But also sometimes you know that you smelled, tasted, felt or saw something that triggered the depression, but in those cases it's often better the next day or so. The worst thing is when your family asks you why you are feeling bad, and you tell them that you don't know, because you really don't know it. And when they then ask again, why you are feeling bad, you have to know it. Because, no matter how often they ask, I rally don't know it, and it doesn't change, it only makes it worse if you ask 10 times, instead it would maybe be better to try to cheer me up with some funny stuff or talking about things that interest me.

The completely worst thing is, that people always tell you that you aren't doing enough for almost anything. But why don't they understand that you are completely on or over your limit and it isn't possible for you to do more? That makes you feel even more like a useless bag of trash.

Another thing about depressions is, that you really (and that's not just a picture, it's really like that) see colors not as bright as they were before you had depressions, everything seems to have a slight grey filter over it. And also you are extremely stressed all the time. In my case it is that bad, that even trying to relax is stressing me. And that high stress level is also meaning that I have less motivation to do anything, because I'm simply not able to do anything too exhausting, especially mentally exhausting. Which makes people call me lazy, which brings you down again and make you feel worse, because you don't want to be lazy, but you just can't do more or better. Also the high stress level is sometimes making me say things that I don't want to say, because they may seem rude, and as soon as I said those things to someone, I feel worse again and could start crying, because I hate myself for saying that. Most of the times, I go away and hide myself in my room then and sometimes cry there. People then think I'm upset, but no I'm not, I'm just disappointed from myself and that I hurt someone and I hate myself for who I am in that moment.

And that's bringing me to the next point. I often really hate myself, I sometimes have the feeling, that the happy little boy that I was many years ago, is still there deep inside me, and that he is who I really am, but some day, someone who looks and sounds like me, but isn't me has captured him and locked him away in a cage. That's how I feel, and I can't free that little happy boy again. Sure I know that there isn't another person, I'm not schizophrenic, but that is how it feels for me, with the boy locked away by another me.

And all of that, plus that you seem completely emotionless and bored to everyone, makes it hard to find any friends, so you also feel really alone. Especially if you have anxiety and feel anxious about strangers (like I have). So I'm always glad if I at least find someone to write with over the internet, usually those people are other Swifties. (Thanks @taylorswift because without you, I wouldn't have found at least those two to three people to write. And sorry for tagging you, I always think I'm stupid to tag you, when I do.) But in the next moment, I feel sad, because I know that we won't ever see us and could really experience something together, like real friends.

And another point why I'm thankful to @taylorswift is that her music is the only thing that at least helps a tiny little bit to feel better, when my depressions are really bad. I also don't know why, but it's really only her music, that's also the reason why I'm her fan. And it's also the reason, why I really like some songs that aren't very popular among Swifties, like Me!, Shake It Off, or Stay, Stay, Stay, because those songs are sounding happy, or cheer me up with their positive sounding upbeat style, or because they are funny in general. Also it is the reason why I don't like the very popular Folklore and Evermore that much, because many songs on those albums are making me even more depressive and sometimes making me feel really bad, so I can't listen to them in bad phases.

Also something bad about depressions is, that you remember all those bad things that happened to you, but almost no good things. And even if you remember good things, they are just neutral for you. But you can't do anything about it. The weird thing is, that in july, when I got the two VIP tickets for the Eras Tour, I had a feeling that I wasn't feeling in almost 20 years, I was happy, so happy that I had tears in my eyes, and I don't know how that could happen, because I thought I'm unable to feel that way since almost 20 years, the bad thing is, that just two minutes later, we noticed that we bought the tickets, accidentially, with the wrong account and they have a name on it, so the feeling was gone forever, because there was another problem to solve. But somehow it showed me, that I still can feel happy, I just have to find out how, and I hope the Eras tour will make me happy. The only problem is, that I doubt that I will be able to go there, because of my other big health problems (the physical ones, that I described in my pinned post). It would break my heart if I won't be able to go there, because it is my dream to see Taylor live, at least one time, and I saved money since 2017 for the VIP tickets.

Another thing about depressions is, that you feel completely useless some days, or even most of the times, like you do everything wrong and can't do anything useful. And if you would ask me, what I am good at, I couldn't tell you anything, except for maybe Simracing, but that's nothing important or useful, so it doesn't count. Sure I like to make photos, but first, I'm just only a bit better than very other person, and second, my camera is 20 years old and a new one is too expensive for me.

So you see, it is a doom loop. I hope I wrote everything I wanted to write. And maybe it helps someone or helps people understand others, who have depressions, better. If you have questions about it, feel free to ask, I try to answer your questions, if they are meant seriously and also not rude.

[wolfythewitch]

Tweaking his design a little bit maybe

[dcangel]

!!pjo spoilers!!

percy jackson IS morally grey, but only when it come to annabeth’s safety

[mud-muffin]

This is totally how it all happened 💗

[chloesimaginationthings]

that old mannnnn damn you draw henry so well

Shout out to Henry Emily, I love drawing him old and depressed

[babyjapril]

#he was so hot, steam looked cool

[tiffanyachings]

Matching T-Shirts for You and Your Weirdly Codependent Cousin

based on this excellent post by @casgirl

[hinamie]

I'll give them shelter like you've done for me

[keferon]

I don’t know if I got their designs quite right. It’s my first time drawing them :)

Monster hunter au lambo twins ehehe

[blueskittlesart]

i take it back this shit is easy

[catfindr]

[frodo-a-gogo]

Let us be brutally honest with ourselves and with eachother for a moment. If he weren't obese you motherfuckers would be capable of percieving evrart claires sexy sexy moral ambiguity and complex charms