#feeling useless

[kuromipuzzles2000]

i'm Crystal, i am supposed to be a SMG4 content creator specially focused on Mr. Puzzles, so far, i've created 4 Mr. Puzzles AUs (5 counting Icing's Puzzles but he's fae from principal) SMGP, Trickster, GOP and Trivia

but sometimes i ever ask how people really takes these drawings that i almost do daily, they like them?, the notes reach between 15-20 notes alone but sometimes as a person that got cheer up by...being told everything i did was the most perfect creation/thing on universe all my life, make me wonder if all these likes are a lie or not...

other small artists like me wishes they get my notes, and not to presume, is because they always tell me when i vent about this type of things, they wish they get over 15+ likes on their SMG4 art or any other (even if i do other type of art it barely reaches 4 likes)

but i...sometimes feel my work in SMG4 community as Mr. Puzzles #1 fan is annoying, no one recognizes me, no one takes me in care as a backup at least from the big of the biggests, just, a random user, and when one of my friends tag me with other big users makes me a bit uncomfortable...not because i no like it, i love being tagged but being tagged with the biggests ones, makes me see myself i no even fit in their side...nobody recognizes me even on my own feed man

sometimes just wish i could quit, but, my lack of friends and feel i am useful for anything makes me stay here...drawing for a community that even if i enjoy, it makes me feel invisible through lot of other artists and make me feel jealousy of see, i've never would be big, only for my friends and boyfriend but not by other people

....like when i was a kid...everything feels on a loop

idk how can i support that

[kalopsia2002]

I think one thing that most women do is compare themselves to others. And i never understood why we compare ourselves to others, failing to understand we're all built differently. And none of us. Will ever be like those around us. What we need to understand as individual women is that we are all a part of ourselves and that we all have something to give to the world and just because you can't do what she does, doesn't make you any less. Your probably giving what she thinks she can't and that something we all need to understand. That we all have a purpose. And comparing will only destroy what ever peace is left in our minds.

I guess as a young teenager i was much stronger then i am today, as an adult. Everything i do is to make myself feel worthy of everything around me. From people to the tiniest things. I don't feel ashamed to say i do alot of people pleasing just to feel known and wanted. Something i wasn't desperate for when i was small. As an adult i wish to have the confidence i had when i was young. The confidence that let no body break me. Walk over me. Or make me feel like I'll never be enough.

The small version of me would have judged me for being so tiny and puny about things like this. I'm more then a zit on my cheek. I'm more then the awkward silence i hold when i meet new people. Im more then the Abaya that covers my body and makes me stand out. I'm more then those hair that aren't groomed well in the beauty parlour. I'm more then my skinny body. I'm more then the dress that won't look nice on me. I'm more then the tanned feet i bear because I'm too lazy to cover them in the sun. I'm more then my pigmented eyes that look like they've never slept. I am me.

And that me is still beautiful. Periodt.

As i was growing up. I think I noticed people noticing my flaws more then they ever saw the good things in me. There's a sense we're all something but i wish it was in terms of good attributes that we have rather then all that we don't have. I've always been a shadow my entire life. It's takes alot of time to notice me from across the classroom. And the most painful part is i was only ever noticed by people when i was pretty. And i think this shit messed me up so bad one tiny ass pimple possesses the power to shatter my confidence.

I stand in front of the mirror today, feeling as though I've lost the power to be noticed again. Or to be wanted again. Pathetic how it scares me that people will never want to unravel my soul because I'm not pretty to look at. Because im not her.

I stand still…not moving an inch from infront of the mirror. I am me. Not her. I am beautiful. I wish that i stop being unkind to myself just because i don't look like them.

My wish for us as for women is to be kind to ourselves no matter what we feel. And i pray that i stop letting these petty things control my life. Cause someone once said. My insecurities are my fears, not my abilities. And I'd hate myself for the entire lifetime if i let my fears run me around.

[rel8able-lyrics]

"I'm far, so far from the front line. Quite the opposite, in safe inside. But I give money, and I feel useless behind this computer. And that just barely scratched the surface of my mind."

- "The News" sung by Paramore

[tapiokauwu]

I gave up on my dreams.

Now everything feels useless... I feel useless...

I wish I had the strength to chase after my dreams, but I'm too tired for that. Everyone wants me to do what they think is right for me, but I want to do what I love...

It's too late now anyways. It doesn't matter anymore.

[whitedovegs]

Getting hurt by someone you went so hard for, will mess you up mentally ❌

[iamtheansweringmachine]

look, soul (2020) aint one of my favorite movies but. BUT. "maybe sky-watching can be my spark"????? exactly what I needed to be reminded of today.

[devil-likes-to-dance]

feeling sorry for all the fandoms I am in. don't even contribute or anything, just devouring others' efforts and works like a parasite

[nekofra]

Feeling like shit. The only thing that would make me feel better is a Vash plush

[sihtsisdrowkcab]

Honestly, this is both depressing and really heartwarming. One thing I hate most about our society currently is how they convince people that their only worth is in working, and if they can't, they're useless. Like imagine thinking humans only purpose is to basically just be a fucking robot. Man, just make a fuckjng robot then! Don't give me that bullshit. (Not talking to you, btw)

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.

[medra-gonbites]

Having mental breakdowns when doing basic stuff I had no problem doing a year ago (groceries, driving, accounting) and no signs of getting better...

But hey I started FFVII again so there's that!

[an-asexual-crow]

Yall ever get so tired of life all you want to do is sleep but then at the same time you don't want to go to bed because that means you're going to have to wake up at some point? Or worse. Wake up in the morning.

[melvinthedepressedrobot]

.

[fabulous-gabulous-theartist]

Why is it every time I get my creative mojo back my tendonitis starts acting up. I just want to draw and write! 😭

[ssolariiss]

The worst feeling ever is failing at the only thing you're good at

[puzzled-pegasus]

I wasted my night why do I do this

[asimpforthe80s]

This is a vent! if uncomfortable, don't read.

I always start to feel useless and unloved around Christmas. Every year. The reason for this, I don't even know. It might have to do with past trauma. It might have to do with something else. But I dont know why. I just gotta get this off my chest, so maybe I feel better. I feel like everything would be so much better if I just didn't exist. Like the friends I have would've been so much happier without me. They tell me the opposite, but my head just can't accept it no matter how much I want to.

Thanks for reading. I'm sorry if I upset anyone - Maja <3