#i dont know how to be there for my friends

[coffinkissrr]

do it poorly, do it bad, but for the love's sake, just do it Yourself (or commision a friend!). Those who have tried undertaking any sort of arts will understand and apploud Your effort, those who dont try have no right to judge. Youre among Your people.

A bad photoshop, a stick men fanart, a paragraph with missing grammar, anything You could do will have more love, more personality than an ai prompt. It may not be more aesthetically pleasing or idk.., but You MADE it. You did it! And that's all we can ask for- Your best ☆

And no form of art should be a skill matter. It's our nature to create! So joing our fellowship fully. Don't let people gatekeep You because it doesn't meet their expectations. *Art is for the soul, first and foremost.* If it's nice to the eye that great, *BUT IS IT FUN?* Believe me, there is joy to be had, reading a work which author enjoyed writing (and it's clear!). It makes it thousands times better.

So yeah, it will be loved! I will swoon over Your draft one which might never become perfect, over Your stick men men, over that painting You might never finish colouring, over Your work. but could I swoon over something You couldnt be even be bothered with? A fanfic that author didn't bother writing? Bleh. What's the point, man? If they thought they won't waste their time writing it, it'd be a waste of mine to read it.

I think to myself often, "what if I can't do it justice", but guess what! Neither will the soulless machine. But at least You can try. It's outputs are vomits of random things it stores, without any love. It could never care for Your characters the way You do, it could not respect Your ideas. Regarless of what it tries to make us believe, it does not understand us. It will not do justice to Your work, no matter how pretty it will come out. It really is not worth it.

Seriously, ask Yourself why are You doing this, and I bet most often the answer will be that it's out of the love for the fandom. So put Your heart in it as You should! ♡

And I know the op said to put politics aside, but, by using ai, You'd be stealing, undermining, HARMING Your fellows. If You love the fandom, love the people in it. At least have some respect!

So yeah, let me swoon over Your work! Go create, my fellows ♡

And for those who already do! I love You guys, Youre amazing! You rule ☆

all politics about ai aside if you use it to create fanwork you're just a fucking dweeb

[daechwitatamic]

You Think You Might - Chapter 5 || csc

(banner by @itaeewon)

You Think You Might (masterpost)

Seungcheol x fem!reader angst smut fluff fake dating!au, kind of sort of exes to lovers?

NSFW - minors DNI

Summary: Seungcheol agrees to be your fake boyfriend at your sister’s destination wedding, under the condition that it “stays there”. You didn’t expect it to hurt when he holds you to that promise.

WC: 54k across 5 chapters; this chapter 8k

Status: complete; this is the final chapter

Warnings: language, excessive drinking and drunkenness, i did make seungcheol cry just once and i'm not sorry, reader continuing to go thru it, angst, kissing, oral (f. receiving), piv sex, the teeeensiest tiniest bit of barely there ass play do not even LOOK at me i dont know who wrote that, reader says if you demand to be on my island then i am getting OFF the island and we all should have seen it coming

A/N: thank you to @sailorsoons and @eoieopda for beta-ing and to @kkaetnipjeon for naming almost every background character for me

October

When your phone rings at 1:20 in the morning, it feels like a stone sinks through your stomach. Some instinct knows what this is before you even read his name on the screen. Like part of you has been waiting since early summer for him to break, afraid of your own reaction, afraid you’ll do the wrong thing and let him.

“What’s up?” you answer, which strikes you as funny, because it’s the middle of the night and you’re half-asleep. Nothing about this is casual - this isn’t going to be a call about grabbing extra beer for Soonyoung’s house. 

“Come drink with me.”

Four words, and you know everything you need to know. The background noise is deafening - thumping, shattering club music and the cacophony of dozens of conversations being carried at a volume meant to rise above the music. 

The words are also slurred nearly past recognizability. 

He’s fucked up. 

Going to him would be a mistake.

But you want to. You want to. 

You’re already moving towards your closet in the dark.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” you ask sarcastically, even as you reach the lamp on your dresser and switch it on, casting your room in a low yellow light. You pick out a pair of jeans and a sweater - you won’t be staying at the club with him, you don’t need to dress up. You’ll tell security you’re just getting someone home - they’ll let you through.

“Wish I knew,” he says darkly. “Actually, no I don’t. If I did, I’d go there. Promised my mom no more fights.”

He sounds so gone. Your heart wrings itself out like laundry fresh from the wash, water and blood pouring from it. You ache for him, want to pull him close, want to soothe the hurts. You pull the sweater on quickly. 

“Did you argue again?” you ask, mostly to keep him talking while you get ready. You poke around your room for a wayward sneaker.

He laughs, once, no humor in it. “Worst we’ve ever had. She took her shit this time.”

“Seungcheol,” you say, all pity. “I’m sorry.”

“Come drink with me,” he answers, more firmly this time. He sounds a bit more lucid, like answering your questions tethered him back to now. “I hate being alone.”

You tuck in your laces and grab your keys. “I know you do,” you say softly. “Send me your location.”

As expected, you tell the bouncer you’re just here to get your friend out of there and he lets you inside, even asks if you think you’ll need help.

“Nah,” you say easily. “He’ll come with me.”

It takes some effort to move through the crowd until you reach the bar, but Seungcheol is there, an empty glass in front of him, and his chin propped up on his hand, his eyes unfocused.

You slide in the seat next to him - miraculously empty - and order yourself a beer and a water for him. You don’t talk to him until they’ve arrived, until you’ve watched him down a third of the water.

“Why am I here, Seungcheol?” you ask him, finally, quiet. You’re not sure how much of him is present right now, not sure what kind of answer you’ll get.

But he seems to have come back around since he first called you, because his answer is, “Aren’t we supposed to be friends?”

“Is that why you called me? Because you needed a friend?” you ask. It’s a dangerous question; it’s a dare. It’s a challenge, it’s a first expression of this fucked-up limbo the two of you have tried to maintain. It’s a mistake that you can’t stop yourself from making, the inertia carrying you even when you know you should swerve. 

You’re lucky - he’s not too far gone to know exactly what game you’re playing, and to remember he’s not supposed to play. 

“I called you,” he says, dark eyes flashing up to yours, “because I didn’t want to sit here alone. I wanted to be… with someone good. Good to me.”

The words are unsteady, wobbly, but you think they might still be a version of the truth.

There are a lot of things you could say back to that, and they all jump into your mouth at once. But you’re supposed to be staying off the boat, right?

“Drink your water,” you tell him, and something in your tone must tell him not to fuck with you, because he listens. When you’ve both finished - you, your single beer, and him, the entire glass of water - you tell him, “Let’s go home.”

He rises without a fuss, and you lead him by the hand through the noisy throngs of people and out inside the silent, chilly night. His hand in yours is warm, clinging to you so tightly it almost hurts.

You drive him back to his place in near silence. He only speaks to mutter two-word directions at you - turn left and next exit and this one.

You take his keys from his hand and lead him across the parking lot to his building’s door, realizing halfway there that he’s stopped following you. You turn, finding him standing in the middle of the parking lot, unmoving.

Hesitantly, you make your way back toward him. 

“Cheol?” you venture, and when he turns to you, his face is twisted, a storm in his eyes. 

His voice doesn’t even sound like him - choked and raspy and loud - when he asks you, “Why does she do this to me?” He swipes a closed fist across his eyes, the picture of misery.

You close the space between you and gather him in your arms; drunk and broken, he lets you. You hold him steady as he cries into your shoulder, his own hands coming to clutch desperately at your back, like you’re the only thing holding him down in the face of a hurricane.

You hold him as long as he needs, the two of you alone in the middle of the pavement, the night expanding silent and blue around you. 

When he gives a final shaky exhale and loosens his hold on your back, you let him step away, your hands falling to your sides. You watch his face carefully as he roughly scrubs at his cheeks with the heels of his hands. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, embarrassed. 

You shake your head, don’t be, but don’t speak. You don’t know the right thing to say; you don’t know if he’s in the right place to hear you.

You’ve never been to his place before, so he leads you inside, taking an unnaturally long time to get his key in the lock. You don’t offer to help, knowing he doesn’t need you to baby him right now, doesn’t need you to make him feel like he can’t do it.

Inside, he clicks on the lights and stumbles through a dark doorway that you assume must lead to his bedroom. You look around for a second - it’s neater than you expected, but looks lived in. There’s a hoodie thrown over the back of a kitchen chair, and a lone mug in the kitchen sink waiting to be washed. You open a few cabinets until you find glasses, and you fill one with water. Then you follow the sounds of thumps through his still-dark bedroom and into the brightly lit en-suite.

Seungcheol looks at you like he’s not sure where you came from, the toothbrush stilling in his mouth.

“Water,” you explain, needlessly, and he nods, still looking a bit baffled. 

You wait in his bedroom until he flicks off the bathroom light and stumbles out and straight into his bed. You set the water down on his bedside table and back away.

“You good?” you ask. You mean, mostly, are you going to throw up in your sleep, or can I leave? 

He pulls the blankets over his head, then pushes one eye out and looks at your blearily.

“There are three of you,” he says seriously, his low voice muffled by the thick blankets.

“All three of us will be on the couch if you need… help, or anything,” you deadpan.

He’s too drunk to appreciate the joke. That one visible eyeball just stares at you, and then he mutters, “Is it fucked up that I missed you?”

You huff a tiny laugh.

“Goodnight, Seungcheol,” you say, instead of answering. “Yell if you need me.”

He only hums, not really an answer, but you’ll take it. You close his bedroom door behind you and survey his living room. You turn on a low lamp and then cross the room to turn off the brighter overhead lights. You get comfortable, scrunching up the throw pillow under your head and pulling a blanket from the back of the couch. 

You thought you’d have trouble sleeping here, alone in a place you’ve never been, but the blanket smells like him, and you feel safe knowing he’s on the other side of the door, and it doesn’t take long at all before you’re drifting off.

You’re woken up mid-morning by a body draping itself heavily over your side, then sliding behind you to slip between you and the back of the couch. His arm rests on top of you, his hand on your shoulder.

You giggle before you even open your eyes. “Hello?” you ask, trying to peer over your shoulder, but Seungcheol holds your shoulder tight, stopping the motion.

“You can’t look at me,” he says seriously, his voice sleepy and soft. “I’m too ashamed.”

You laugh again.

“I am seriously so sorry,” he says, still hiding behind you. He’s warm and solid against your back, and you relax against him, smiling despite yourself. The room is lit up brightly from the morning sun, the lamp you had on last night now turned off. “For calling you… for making you come out in the middle of the night… for everything I said… for…”

For breaking down. You hear it even though he doesn’t say it.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” you tell him quietly, reaching up to rest your hand on top of his where it rests on your shoulder. “If I didn’t want to come out, I wouldn’t have. And you don’t need to apologize for… feeling how you feel, or for letting me be there for you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“This is very embarrassing for me,” he mumbles against your head.

You roll over so you can face him, and he lets you. You look up at him, trying to reconcile the sheepish man in front of you to the broken one you saw last night. It occurs to you, as you lay chest to chest with him on the couch, that this is the closest you’ve been since you slept together in July.

You hate how right it feels - no awkwardness, no uncertainty.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed,” you whisper.

His mouth twists like he doesn’t quite see it the same way. “Thanks for getting me home,” he says, instead of arguing or agreeing. “At… two in the morning.”

You shrug one shoulder, very aware of how dangerously close to cuddling you are, as he places his arm over your back, his hand resting near your shoulder blades. “It makes me happy that you felt comfortable calling me when you needed someone,” you tell him. “I’m glad I could be there for you.” It might be the most honest thing you’ve ever said to him.

It had - it had made you happy to take care of him the way he’d taken care of you at that resort. It made you happy to be the one that he let in, who got to see him when he wasn’t put together.

It might be complicated, but it’s still true. You’re happy to be here.

You lay there - yes, cuddling, technically - for a little bit, and then you look at him again. His gaze is warm this morning, full of affection and gratitude.

“Hey…” you say, unsure if this is the right move, “I know you asked me to, like, stay out of it. And I’ve been trying to. But… can I ask you something?”

He sighs a little, pressing his hands to his eyes for a moment before looking at you again. The movement cracks the cuddle, and you push yourself up to sitting. He does the same, so that you’re side to side and upright again. 

“Yeah,” he relents. “I guess you have the right, after last night.”

“Why stay?” you ask him earnestly. “Why keep trying, when all of us - including both of you - know how it’s going to go?”

“Because,” he says darkly, averting his eyes.

“Because isn’t a reason,” you point out.

He huffs, frustrated, but you wait him out. “I just… want to prove that… it could work. That I’m not… so fucked up that it can’t.”

You put a hand on his knee, and his eyes flick to yours.

“I can solve that one for you: you’re not. And it sucks that she made you feel like you are.”

“It’s not all her fault,” he mumbles.

“No,” you agree. “It really isn’t. But, Seungcheol, if a couple works, it’s not about their worthiness, it’s not the universe deciding they’re good enough. It’s about the two people involved, and their willingness to put pride aside and try - to communicate, and make sacrifices, and fight for it. And I know you’re capable of all that - because when you were pretending, you were perfect. More than perfect.”

His face softens, those flickers of anger and defensiveness falling away. You sit in silence, looking at each other, the air between you charged and full of tension so thick you could sink your fingers into it like a ball of dough.

The ugliest part of you, hidden way down deep, rises up and whispers, choose me. 

You hate this selfish voice, hate yourself for wanting this even after everything, but you can’t silence the part of you that’s pleading for him to realize he’s been chasing his tail in circles, to realize that he has an option in front of him that could be great if he gave it a chance.

You force yourself up, breaking the spell, going silently to find your keys and your shoes. 

Still, even as he watches you go, the want claws up your stomach, through your limbs, into your fingertips. 

You pause in the entryway, looking back at him. For a long moment, his eyes stay locked on yours, pinning you to the spot.

You clench your jaw to shove down the words, but they flow through your gaze straight to his anyway.

Choose me. Choose me. Please, choose me. 

From the way he sits still on the couch, you think he must hear your plea. You think he must be considering. You finally break eye contact, giving him a tight nod and turning away. Then you close the door behind you, leaving him alone with the choice.

The next weekend at Soonyoung and Chan’s, Seungcheol isn’t present.

The realization goes through you like ice, your heart skipping and galloping with all the implications of it.

“Ah, yeah,” your brother says, when you ask. “He and Jieun went away for the weekend. He’ll be back tomorrow.”

You turn away as casually as you can, trying to school your features. The news hits you like a punch.

He and Jieun. He picked her. 

He picked her, and took her away for a romantic trip to solidify it. It makes you nauseous. You’d been trying to accept this truth - that she would always win - and yet somehow you’re still surprised. 

Stupid. Stupid.

Fine, you think, taking a slow breath in to calm your systems. It’s fine. You wanted him to choose, and he did. Now you know for sure. Now it can be over.

And it has to be - over. You can’t do this again. You can’t open up and let him in just to watch him slip back to her again. Not again.

It sucks, but you don’t feel like you can talk to Soonyoung about this. Not because he wouldn’t hear you, or support you. But at the end of the day, Seungcheol has been his friend for a long time - you don’t want to put him in the middle, or in an uncomfortable spot. 

You sit on it for a few days, and then you crack and do something you’ve never done in your whole life.

You call your sister. Just to talk.

“Hey!” she greets you brightly, like she’s pleasantly surprised to hear from you. Which is fair. “What’s going on?”

“Not a lot,” you lie. “How about you?”

“Same ‘ol, same ‘ol,” she sighs, not unhappily. “Jeongwoo is on a work trip until tomorrow night, so I’m sitting here having a sleepover night by myself - painting my nails, binging some Real Housewives, and drinking wine.”

“Sounds amazing,” you say.

“Feel free to join me,” she says, and you hear the smile in her voice. You wonder if you could ever get there - to the point where you’d even consider that offer from her, to the point where you’d want to go hang out with her.

The idea of it sounds kind of nice.

“Maybe next time,” you say, and you almost mean it.

“What’s going on with you?” she asks.

“Seungcheol called me drunk from the bar at one in the morning on Saturday,” you blurt. It bursts from you, unbidden, though you know that unburdening yourself of this was the whole reason you called.

“Oh my god, what?” she breathes. “Did you answer?”

You laugh. “You don’t even know what a silly question that is,” you say, and it doesn’t occur to you that you’re just saying ‘you don’t know me at all’, but you are. “Not only did I answer, I went to pick him up and drive him home, and then I slept on his couch to make sure he didn’t die of alcohol poisoning.”

Nayoung swears. “You two are messy messy,” she says, and you laugh, because - yeah. “Where’s his girlfriend?”

“Oh,” you say. “Yeah, that’s an important detail. They had a fight and she turned off her location, which is why he went off the rails at the bar in the first place.”

“Okay,” Nayoung says, and you can almost picture her holding up a hand to stop you. “Back up and start at the beginning. Tell me everything.” 

You do, starting with his phone call that night, ending with his absence at Soonyoung’s last Friday, the indication that he’d taken Jieun on a romantic weekend away, that he’d heard what you’d said and made his choice definitively.

“Oh,” she says as soon as you’re done, the word rushing from her, “he wants you so bad.”

“What?” This is not the reaction you’d expected. This is also the opposite of how you see the situation.

“He got sad and called you,” she points out. “He needed comfort and he turned to you. To me, that says a lot.”

You hum. “I don’t know. He called me because he was drunk and the girl he wanted had him blocked.”

“I don’t think so,” she says. “I think some part of him knew you were a safe place to turn to.”

Someone good to me. 

You let out your breath, frustrated. “What does that do for me?” you demand. “He chose her!”

“I don’t know,” she says. “He’s gotta figure it out sooner or later, that you’re what he wants - right?”

“You’d think,” you mutter sarcastically.

“He’ll be back,” she says, sounding sure. “He’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t think I care, though,” you say. “Even if he did… he’s picked her over me too many times. I don’t want to be his second choice, I don’t want to always wonder if he’d rather be with her.”

“Well,” she says, “I know I haven’t been married that long, but my advice as someone with a very solid relationship - if I do say so myself - is to just ask him how he feels about it… and trust what he tells you.”

You don’t respond, your lips pressed tight together. Because you don’t - can’t - trust him to mean it when he says he’s done with her. He’s switched up on you too many times. He could tell you day in and day out that it’s you, but you will always feel Jieun’s shadow hovering behind you. There’s no way around it.

You think you might hate her, and that makes you sad, too - because it’s not even her fault.

It’s pouring on the night that Seungcheol shows up at your door - the kind of rain that comes down only sideways, soaking your feet, hair, and even through your jeans in some spots in the short time it takes you to dash from your car to the building’s front door.

You’re still wiping water from your face, shaking it from your sleeves, trying to tame your damp hair when you round the corner to your hall and spot him outside your door.

Your stomach sinks immediately, instinct and past experience telling you that he and Jieun fought again, that the merry-go-round has brought him to the come to you for comfort phase of the cycle once again. 

You’re tired - tired of fighting how you feel for him, tired of feeling guilty for wanting someone that’s not yours, tired of feeling pathetic for wanting someone who doesn’t want you, tired of picking him up every time he comes crawling to you low and angry. 

But you approach him anyway - what else can you do? It’s your apartment.

When he turns to face you, you’re so surprised that you actually falter in your steps, tripping over nothing and having to right yourself.

He looks happy - he looks good, and somehow himself in a way you haven’t seen since Nayoung’s wedding over the summer. There’s no storm behind his eyes, no crease in his brow, no heavy weight to the corners of his mouth, no tightness to his jaw or heaviness on his shoulders.

“Hi?” you venture.

His smile crawls across his face, dimples deepening by tiny degrees at a time. It takes your breath away - you hadn’t realized it, but you haven’t seen him happy like this in so long. He’s beautiful. You miss this version of him. 

“Hey,” he says, dimples deepening. “Can we talk?”

“Sure,” you say, digging out your keys. “Is everything okay?”

“Very,” he says, emphatically but cryptically. 

You raise an eyebrow at him and cross your arms.

He laughs, like you’re being cute. It makes you scowl, but it also makes your stomach flutter. “Can we talk inside? This isn’t really a… hallway conversation.”

You give him a wary look and move past him to unlock the door. He follows you inside and hovers behind you as you flick on lights and set down your things. You’re still water-logged from the rain, and you cross into your bedroom to change into something dry. Seungcheol hangs back in your living room, patiently waiting for you to emerge.

“Okay,” you say, “what’s up?”

He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again. Something crosses his face - uncertainty, maybe. He steps closer, hands reaching for your elbows. You let him draw you closer, into the circle of his warmth, his smell, his solidity. You look up at him, a question in your eyes.

“I have to just say it,” he says, almost to himself, almost like a reprimand. Like he’s giving himself a pep talk. “I want to try with you. I want to do it for real.”

You stare at him, eyes wide. Whatever you were expecting, it wasn’t this. 

“Seungcheol, what?” You’re almost convinced that you heard him wrong, or that you’re misunderstanding what he’s saying. Your brain whirs as it tries to process, to find the slip-up.

He shifts closer, your bodies almost touching, and you tip your head up to keep his face in your line of sight. 

His voice lowers, softens, turns into something private and pleading. “I know we could be good together. Give me a chance to prove it. I didn’t think I could do it, before. But.. I can. I will.”

Somehow his hands have gone from your elbows to your upper arms, your bodies inching closer and closer like drifting continents, coming closer so slowly it’s impossible to see the movement.

You manage to speak, your words stumbling over each other. “But - Jieun?”

He shakes his head. “Gone,” he says firmly. Your stomach swoops, but the feeling of elation is chased immediately by a dark wave of doubt. “For good. I’m not doing that shit anymore. I’m not…” he trails off, thinking, then calls back a conversation you’d had months ago, on a sandy beach hundreds of miles away - “…accepting an ending that’s less than what I want.”

“I don’t understand,” you breathe. 

“I want to really try with someone who will actually try with me. I like you. So, please. Let’s try.”

Your heart races so fast that you feel a little dizzy as you consider his offer. You’re afraid of him hurting you again, changing his mind again. You’re afraid of accepting him and then letting him down, making him regret it all. You’re afraid of him becoming just another person who gets tired of you and walks away. 

But your feelings for him haven’t dissipated at all over these months, no matter how firmly you’ve tried to store them away. You want to feel close to him again. Very little in your life has felt as safe as being close to Seungcheol feels. 

You want to feel good again, too.

Your bodies are touching now, his arms fully around you, your faces so close you could kiss him without reaching. 

“Give me a chance,” he murmurs, his eyes tracing your face.

“I’ll give you a night,” you breathe, nearly against his lips. “We can go from there.”

His arms close around you instantly, his mouth finding yours - this was all the permission he needed. You melt into him, hands sliding up his back, already beneath the hem of his shirt, seeking skin, seeking warmth, seeking him. 

The way he clings to you as he kisses you makes you wonder if he’s been missing this, too - if you aren’t the only one whose single dose failed as a cure, only left you wanting.

You peel his shirt over his head slowly, reveling in every line and ridge of muscle as they are exposed one by one. You feel possessive of him, suddenly, want to carve your name across his ribs, want to make sure no one forgets that you were here, that at least for this moment he was only yours.

He does the same, making quick work of the hoodie that you’d just pulled on, tossing it towards the couch. He smirks a little when he spots the lacy edges of your bra - thank god, thank god you’d picked a cute one today - and remarks, “Pretty,” before pinching the clasp open with one hand and discarding it in the same direction that your hoodie and tshirt had just gone.

He kisses you again, hot and deep and seeking, as his hands find and knead your breasts firmly, something possessive in his touch - like, once again, you match. Your knees go a little weak and you lean into him, a wanting sound slipping up your throat and disappearing into his open mouth. 

His thumbs brush your nipples once and the sound turns into a whine. He breaks the kiss long enough to tease, “What? Not enough?”

Never enough, you think. You’ll always want more of him.

“Feels nice,” you tell him, in a whisper.

You kiss him again as your hands fumble with his belt buckle. His jeans drop to the floor and he steps out of them, his eyes closing on an audible sigh when you palm him over the black briefs he’s wearing. He’s hot under your hand, a small patch already damp beneath your palm.

“Get rid of those,” he instructs as he steps away from you, pulling at his own socks. He nods at your lower half as clarification and you pull off your leggings, leaving only the matching bottoms to your bra. You hook your thumbs under the edge of the lace, but he reaches out to stop you.

“Leave that,” he says, his eyes shining and devilish. 

He lays you back across the couch and settles between your thighs, all mischief and anticipation, and then he licks a warm stripe up the center of the lace. You reach over your head and clutch at the arm of the couch, trying desperately to keep it together as he hooks a thumb under the lace and pulls them gently to the side, exposing you to the cool air of the room and his own hungry gaze. You moan loud, eyes squeezing shut, as he dives back in.

He slides two fingers into your heat and your back arches as his name slips between your lips. He returns his tongue to you as his fingers open you bit by bit, whimpers and gasps replacing the silence in the room. He grunts when you lose control and buck once, then uses his free hand to splay his fingers across your lower belly to hold you still.

The snap happens before you expect it, almost without warning. The heat blossoms from your stomach down to your toes, and you chant his name as the waves roll through you, demanding your attention. 

“Shit,” he growls, fingers still moving, his mouth an inch away from your pulsing center. “Fuck, I feel you, baby.”

When you finally unclench, the room spinning around you as you gasp for breath, he slips his fingers from you and crawls up your body, his mouth seeking yours. You barely register that you can taste yourself on him; all you can process is the need to cling to him as you come back to earth, the need to know he’s surrounding you, solidly between you and the rest of reality.

“Please,” you hear yourself say, though you didn’t make the decision to beg. He obliges, doesn’t tease you for it, just lines himself up and slides into you in one slow, unfaltering motion. 

Your hips tilt on their own, taking him just slightly deeper; you gasp against his mouth, fingers scrabbling at his shoulders, trying to hold on, trying to hold him still, trying to climb inside him. 

He presses his forehead to yours, both of you panting, his arms caging you in as he fucks in and out of you slowly, letting you adjust to the stretch. It’s a lot, but it’s so good, and it isn’t long before you’re moving with him, meeting each thrust, your legs tangled behind his waist to pull him in closer.

You let go of his shoulders and cup his face with both hands, pulling his mouth back to yours tenderly. 

You think you might be halfway in love with him. That’s been your whole problem all along.

“Touch yourself for me,” he murmurs, lips on your jaw.

You pull back and slip two fingers into your mouth, eyes on his as you wet them. You smirk when his face twists, his stroke faltering for just a second, and then bring your fingers between your legs.

“How are you real?” he groans, his pace quickening. You feel yourself shake slightly each time he pushes back into you. 

When he stops, pressed so deep inside you that it steals your breath, you look up at him inquisitively. Sweat beads on his forehead, and he reaches up to push his hair back from his face.

He doesn’t answer your unvoiced question, just slides out of you and stands, reaching for your hands to pull you up after him. He kisses you messily, hungrily, pulling you tight against his body. His cock is trapped between your bodies, hot and slippery against your lower stomach. He ignores this, holding you desperately, holding you like he’s afraid you’ll get ripped away. A detached part of your brain wonders what fear is behind the tightness of his grip.

Then he’s moving with renewed energy, turning you by your shoulders and pressing between them, leaning you over the arm of the couch, one hand sliding down your spine and resting on the small of your back. You cry out wordlessly when he slides into you again, the new position bringing him deeper than before, stars sparking before your eyes. 

He grips your hips tightly, using the leverage to pound into you with a force he hadn’t earlier, or back in July. All you can do is take it, eyes screwed shut, wailing wordlessly and trying to press your face into your arms to muffle the noise. 

“Too much?” he manages to ask you, the words slipped between breaths, his voice tight with effort.

You can’t form an answer, can’t make your mouth shape no, it’s perfect, so you shake your head wildly. You think you might die if he stops.

Seungcheol slows anyway, soothing a hand down your back again, giving you a chance to relax your muscles and take a deep breath. He sets a steady pace, far less brutal than a moment ago, and you reach back to run a hand up the back of his thigh, just wanting to touch him. He reaches down with one hand and tangles his fingers with yours, giving a single reassuring squeeze before dropping them again.

Your thighs are shaking constantly now, and your voice comes out thin when you try to warn him you’re close.

“Yeah?” he croons, and then you feel the gentle pressure of his thumb ghost over your rim before circling it more firmly. 

You lose it entirely; you think you scream. Everything goes white and then staticky. You’re dimly aware of Seungcheol growling your name, pulling out, splattering your ass with strings of hot cum.

You cooperate when he maneuvers you back onto the couch, laying on his back and pulling you onto his front, your hearts both beating wildly against one another, like they’re both trying to break through your ribs and reach the other. 

“Shit,” you whisper, when you feel like you’re in your body again. He chuckles warmly beneath you, reaching up to run a hand down your arm affectionately. 

“You good?” he asks, voice gravelly. 

“Mhm,” you manage, though you’re already starting to feel soreness everywhere - in your hips, between your legs, even in your lower belly. “You wanna shower?”

“Definitely,” he says, and helps you up, follows you into the bathroom. Soaps you up gently, kisses your head while you rinse. It’s frighteningly tender, and you find yourself struggling to look directly at him.

Something inside you feels like you should run.

When you’re dry, he asks you tentatively, “Should I go home?”

Probably, you think. Before I get in even deeper. 

But you’re already in so deep. You haven’t slept next to him in months. You crave it just as much as what you’ve just done. So you tell him, “I don’t mind if you stay. If you want to.”

In the dark, you lie facing each other, your head resting on his mountain of a bicep. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he whispers.

That I’m not going to be enough to make you stay, you think.

“That I’m going to need to soak in a hot bath tomorrow,” you lie.

You wake up between his arms, your room bright with early morning sun. You let yourself revel in it for only a moment, and then you slip out of the bed as quietly as you can. Silently, you start dressing. 

You’re hunting for your shoes when he wakes, squinting at you adorably, a pout on his face.

“Come back,” he whines, and you almost cave. You don’t answer, and this seems to be what alerts him that something is wrong. He’s fully awake, quickly, his eyes sharp on you as he throws off your blanket and stands.

You step back as he comes closer, and you hate that you recognize a flash of hurt crossing his face.

“I need to go,” you say quietly, and you can hear the cornered-animal fear in your voice, hate that it’s evident.

“Why?” he asks, his voice just as raw as it had been the night he’d cried over her, less than a month ago.

You shake your head, the words in your head scrambled and unfocused. 

“Talk to me,” he begs, trying to step closer again. You let him, this time. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” you manage, but your voice is choked, and the second you hear it the dam inside you cracks. You blink away tears and step back from him again as he tries to reach for you. “I just can’t do this. I can’t let you in and then watch you leave for her again.”

His brows scrunch with confusion. “Leave for - who? Jieun? That’s not -”

“You just ended things with her,” you point out, interrupting. “You were away with her on a romantic little trip last fucking weekend. You’re not over her, and every time you think you are you just go running right back and I can’t be the collateral damage even one more time, Seungcheol - please, I think it’ll kill me to lose you to her again.”

“I went away with her last weekend to tell her goodbye,” he says, voice hushed, like he doesn’t want to spook you. “She and I talked for a long time about… us. We agreed - we put that part of our lives away for good.”

You shake your head again, letting this speak for you, because you feel like it would be cruel to say I don’t believe you… even if it’s true.

He steps closer again, finally within reach. He places one hand on your arm, gingerly, like he wants to root you to the spot but knows to tread lightly. “It’s not you or her,” he tells you earnestly. “It never was.”

A scoff escapes you without permission.

“Please listen to me,” he says again. It occurs to you that he could be angry, could be flying to the defensive, could be turning this into a fight. Instead, he’s being gentle - hearing what you’re telling him and talking about it. A tiny part of you is proud, knows this takes effort on his part, knows he’s had to unlearn how he once would have reacted.

“I’m listening,” you whisper. It’s all you can give him right now.

“She and I haven’t really loved each other in… a long time. That’s one of the things we talked about last weekend. We were both just… trying to keep a dead thing alive, because that hurt less than admitting it wasn’t going to wake up. I’m not going to suddenly realize I miss her, or that being with her was better. There’s a zero percent chance of that - less than zero.”

“Less than zero percent can’t exist,” you croak, just to be contrary.

“Well it does in this case,” he shoots back, lips starting to pout a little. “I’m not saying you and I will be magically perfect, but I can promise that if we don’t work for some reason, she will not be the cause.”

You want to believe him - you ache to believe him. 

You wipe under your eyes, trying to get yourself put together. Seungcheol watches your face carefully.

Then he says, very quietly, “We work. You know we do.”

“We worked when it was pretend,” you rebut. 

He says your name, a demand hidden in it - a demand to listen, to hear him. 

“You’re what I need,” he says firmly. “I need someone who won’t rise to the bait if I slip and fuck up and say something stupid. I need someone who wants me to be happy, not just someone who wants me to make them happy. And I want so many things for you - I want to make life easier for you, I want you to feel loved and valued, I want to do all of that for you. I want to do shit for you that I never did before, like double text and call first and apologize even when I don’t think I’m wrong.”

He’s teasing a little by the end, and you laugh through your tears despite yourself. 

“Seungcheol, I don’t know,” you tell him. “How can you be sure?”

He takes your hands, grips your fingers tight. “I want to do this right with you,” he says plainly. “I want you, and I want to really try. The way I feel about you… it makes me want to believe in happily ever after and all that other shit. Being with you makes me feel like maybe it’s not totally impossible.”

As gently as you can, you pull your hands away. “I don’t know,” you repeat hollowly. “I… I need some time to think about it.”

You step away and he lets you, his hands falling uselessly to his sides. 

“It’s not no,” you tell him, the only comfort you can offer him, nothing more. “I just… please, I need to think.”

You leave him in your apartment, don’t even wait to let him out. With shaking hands, you unlock your car and get in, scarcely breathing until the apartment building has disappeared from view.

Then, you drive to your sister’s house.

–

Her husband answers the door, the first time you’ve seen him since the wedding. He looks surprised - understandable, because you’ve never been there before, never ever just showed up, and also it’s probably very clear that you’ve been crying.

He greets you by name, but the shock in his voice makes you feel so guilty that you whisper, “I can come back another time, I can give her a call first -”

“No,” he cuts you off. There’s something you can’t name in his tone. “I’m - I think she’ll be really glad you came. Please come in.”

It isn’t a formal please, come in, that you’d give to someone as a pleasantry. He means, please, come inside and talk to your sister, please, come in so she can see that you came here for her. 

You hear it loud and clear. You wonder if Nayoung has felt as rejected by you as you’ve felt by her, over the years. 

Nayoung rises when she sees you enter the room, her face flashing from surprised to concerned.

“What happened?” she asks, as she rounds the corner of her couch, already coming to hug you.

And you let her. You open your arms and step into her embrace, because despite the way you’d grown up, she’s here now and she’s trying and you think you might like having her in your life.

“I slept with Seungcheol last night,” you tell her miserably.

Behind you, Jeongwoo says uncomfortably, “Um, I’m going to run to the store. I’ll get ice cream.”

Nayoung lifts her head to make eye contact with him over your shoulder and he adds, “And wine.”

On your sister’s couch, you tell her everything - almost everything. The way Seungcheol had disappeared, how you’d assumed he was choosing Jieun for good. How he’d shown up, had asked you to try, had laid his heart out for you.

How you’d run.

It makes you cry all over again. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you admit through your tears. “I know what I want to do. But there’s so many what if’s…”

“There always are,” she says seriously. “There are no guarantees with love. The question is, do you believe that he’ll really try - that he means what he’s telling you? Or do you think it’s just lines to get you to say yes?”

“Of course I believe he means it,” you say, almost surprised. But Nayoung doesn’t know Seungcheol like you do, doesn’t know how genuine his heart is. “I’m just scared he’ll… change his mind later, or something.”

“No one can promise you forever,” she points out, a little sadly.

“How can you say that?” you ask her. “You’re married. You took a vow in front of the whole family to love each other forever.”

“Sure,” she agrees. “But what I mean is that when you’re with someone… every day is a choice. You’re choosing them over the rest of the world every day that you wake up. The vow Jeongwoo and I took was to keep choosing each other, even if there are days that it’s hard.”

You drop your gaze and run your hands over the cushion of her couch absently. 

“If you’re asking me what I think you should do,” she says, “then I think you should let him try. I’m not telling you to marry him tomorrow. What could it hurt to try dating?”

“My heart,” you answer pitifully.

She reaches for your knee and gives you a playful shake. “But would that really be worse than walking away and wondering if you missed out on something real? Wouldn’t it drive you crazy not to know?”

You think about this question for the rest of the night, even after you’ve gone home again. 

When you let yourself into the apartment, you hold your breath. You know it’s ridiculous, but part of you wonders if Seungcheol will be waiting for you, waiting to make you talk about it.

The door swings open. The apartment is dark, and silent.

You think about calling him, or at least texting him - but what would you say? You’re still not sure what you want. 

Soonyoung texts you the next night - come over for pizza and movie??? pls pls??

You text back, idk. who’s coming over?

He understands the real question, sends back, he’s already here. please come anyway, noona :( chan misses you.

You sit on the edge of your bed, your phone in your hands, and hang your head, wracked with indecision.

You do know what you want. You’d said as much to Nayoung yesterday. But just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s good for you.

Your sheets still smell like Seungcheol. You want to bury yourself in them, breathe him in. You think just his smell is enough to make your head clear, your pulse calm, your pain ease.

It is this that tips you into making a choice. 

This was never about deciding if you want him. It’s been about deciding if you can trust him to take care of you.

With a sigh, you swipe back to the conversation and tell him, i’ll head over in a bit. 

The scene at Soonyoung and Chan’s is as familiar as your own home. The television screen flashes with whatever game Wonwoo and Vernon are playing, the blue LED lights lining the ceiling’s edges. Your brother’s and Chan’s voices float from the kitchen, bickering. And Seungcheol sits in his usual chair, his dark eyes on you, still and serious.

You freeze in the doorway, caught in his heavy, unwavering gaze. 

The moment stretches. He’s asking you a question without speaking, without moving, and you know that whatever you do next is an answer - definitively yes, or definitively no. 

It’s like the whole world stills around you, waiting to see… what will it be? If you shake your head or turn away, you know it means losing your chance with Seungcheol forever. He gave you grace and time to process but if you turn him down now, he won’t be crawling back.

And maybe that’s the safe option - maybe that’s the option that keeps your heart nice and swaddled, alone on your island.

But you’re trying not to be like that anymore. You’re trying to let people in. You’re trying to give others a chance.

He deserves a chance - and so do you.

You take a bracing breath and cross the room. As soon as he can tell you’re heading for him, a smile lights up his face, and his hands are ready for you, reaching to help you balance as you climb up and side sideways across his lap, your arms looping around his neck.

You hear one of the controllers hit the floor - either Wonwoo or Vernon has dropped it in shock - and then the whole room explodes into protest as you lean in and press your mouth to Seungcheol’s, as his arms wind around your back and pull you in closer.

You hear your brother shout, “Not in my living room!” and Chan’s horrified, “That is my sister!”

You tune them all out; you don’t even care. You want him to know you mean it, that you aren’t scared, that you’re in this as much as he is - for as long as he is.

He’s smiling against your lips and it’s infectious - you’re fighting your smile too, so filled with happiness and hope that you can barely hold it in. 

You break away, beaming at each other.

“All right, all right,” Seungcheol says, flapping a hand at your brother, unphased. “Calm your ass down, we’re done.”

“We’re not done,” you murmur to him, and he laughs, loud. The sound lights you up.

“Okay, we’re not done, but we’ll leave,” he concedes. You stand unsteadily, still laughing, and he leads you by the hand towards the door. You wave an unapologetic and cheerful goodbye over your shoulder and let him pull you into the hallway. 

His hand fits yours, secure and sure, large and warm, as he pulls into a future where you don’t have to be alone to be happy. His hand squeezes yours to punctuate his smile, dimples popping, promising you a wild kind of love - with time. With him.

You think you might want your hand in his forever.

<- Prev

ahhhhhhhhhhhh it's overrrrr!!!! :(

thank you so much for joining me for this series and i hope i'll see you at my next!!

[ghoulishhx]

i love the hc that frankie is just like always hard around you no matter what and it almost becomes routine to reach for his cock every morning, even just jerking him off if you dont have time to fuck properly

ARGHHH LITERALLYYYY. he's a whole other man around you, you drive him insane just by existing. and the thing is i feel like frank wouldn't expect you to do anything about it? like you'll roll over to him in the morning and see it with your sleepy eyes and go to move to help him out and he'll stop you like "ignore it doll, c'mere sweetheart" as he pulls you into his arms and holds you for a little while before you do end up helping him out lmao. the feeling is 100% mutual.

you'll walk through the door from work, face a bit flushed from having a bad day and such and it will drive him insane just seeing you. he instantly just pulls you into his lap as you vent and yap about your day, and it takes him all the self control he can muster to ignore his erection. he's good with his self control, probably all those years in the Marines ig, but just feeling him under your lap on your core makes you just as needy. in simple terms, you match each others freak LOL.

"need you frankie" you sigh as you grind into hips, making him groan as his lips attach to your neck

"yeah? need frankie help ya forget all about today, hmm?" he mumbles, pushing his hips to meet yours... and you know how this goes.

despite how good he is with self control, there's certain instances where he just breaks. when you're all dolled up ready for date night or something, fresh out the shower and when you're wearing his clothes. something primal takes over and he can't help himself from picking you up and taking you to your bedroom to make you feel just as good as you look to him.

"so fuckin' gorgeous babygirl, drivin' me insane.." and you can't help but giggle into his neck as he devours you.

and in PUBLIC.. oh my GOD. say you're at a bar, sat at the counter with your hand on his thigh as you laugh and talk to whoever you're with. his cock stirs to life the second you make contact with him. you know about the effect you have on him, so you bat your eyelashes at him a bit more, squeeze his leg and maintain devastating eye contact the whole time. the way his jaw ticks and gaze never leaves yours makes you subconsciously clench your thighs together. you keep the teasing up, only getting worse as you lean into his space and whisper dirty things in his ear. he eventually breaks, grabbing your wrist and pulling you into the bathroom, hand around your throat as he hoists you up onto the counter, standing between your legs.

"what the fuck do you think you're doin', doll? pullin' all that shit, expectin' me to drag ya in here and do somethin' about it, huh?" he groans into your ear as his grip around your throat tightens slightly, not hurting you but putting you in your place.

you nod meekly, face flushing as you wrap your hands around his waist and pulling him closer to you as he pulls back and laughs at your attempts.

"not gettin' me that easy doll, poor girl so needy f'me.. tryna get m'attention all night hmm? bet y'soaked under this pretty dress.. I'll help ya out babydoll"

you both stay in that bathroom for a WHILE to say the least, your friends left long ago and when you emerge you can barely walk, having to hold onto his arm incase your knees give out beneath you.

so in conclusion he is obsessed with you, addicted even, however the feeling is absolutely mutual.

sigh need that

also lowk wanna write a public bar sex fic with Frank so if that's something you'd want pleaseee lmk :3 inbox is open!!

[my-chemical-decay001]

I came across this post on my dash and seeing myself screencaped was like

But yeah anyways I'm still very passionate about what I said. Its hard to admit because I still love the music but my view of the members has been tainted. They're fucking sellouts. That's it. Full stop. There was a point in time I had such genuine admiration for them because of how passionate they were about helping their fans through their music. Theres multiple stories of people going to their shows in 2004 or 2005 and what they said to them after convinced them not to kill themselves, or try to get better.

In a kerrang interview right after the band broke up Gerard said part of the reason they did that was because of the emotional toll it took talking fans down from cutting or suicide. That is a completely understandable and valid reason to stop. Yes it was their goal to "save kids lives" but it was never their job. The fact that they did so for so long was part of what made them so downright legendary. Not to mention how open they were about gay rights since their first few shows.

Now, I became a fan post-reunion. I dont know how much tickets costed back in 2012. I can pretty confidently say they weren't $600 fucking dollars. "Anything is worth the maximum amount someone is willing to pay for it" is not true here. Yeah, some fans might just have an extra $1,200 for them and their friend to go to long live the black parade, but most of us don't. A lot of us are still teenagers and the only income we get is $5 for cleaning the dishes.

This isn't just not being volunteer therapists, this isn't even considering their fans at all.

[billieswh0r3]

✩︎ 𝐟𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬

𝐬𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬 : just two music stars fan girling over each other.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : billie x fem!reader, just fluff, maybe a few nicknames and curses but other than that just fluff :p face claim is gracie abrams so if you dont like her then..this isnt a fic for you.

𝐚/𝐧 : this draft has been sitting for a long time and i just re-read it and i fell in love with it again so here it is, also its a bit small but— something is better than nothing.

𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.. 𝐟𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬

✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎✩︎

‘so miss eilish, we saw that you attended a ___ concert recently. we didn’t know you were a fan of hers.’ the interviewer smiles at billie the sentence falling from her lips her eyes glistening with curiosity.

‘uhh— yeah i did, i’ve been a fan of hers since her debuting ep and you know going to her concert was such a surreal thing because i take a lot of— not inspiration but yeah inspiration’ billie lets her head drop as she stumbles over her words letting her giggles slip past her lips before looking up fixing her glasses.

‘she’s just an angel— shes so pure and everything she does is too its fullest and she deserves everything that comes to her’ billie smiles genuinely at the interviewer feeling her cheeks heat up slightly.

‘have you ever met her? seems like your very fond of her.’ billie immediately looks around the venue nervously her lips parting slightly. ‘she’s not here right..?’ billie mumbles softly into the microphone— the crowd lets out more laughs and more giggles spill from the interviewers lips as she shakes her head.

‘okay good— i would like shrink into myself.’ she brings a hand up over her nose to semi hide her face as she feels the heat leave her cheeks.

‘she’s actually been on the show and she actually brought you up’ the interviewer smiles pointing to the screen signaling to give the attention to the screen.

𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐫

‘who’s someone you’ve always taken inspiration from musically wise’ the camera then pans to you. your dressed in a stripped dress shirt which is only buttoned on the second button, a pair of loose low rise jeans hanging from your hips, and simple black and white vans.

you gasp a smile immediately finding your lips as you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear sitting up straighter in your seat. ‘billie’ you say without hesitation smiling sheepily at the camera.

‘eilish?’ you nod eagerly your legs beginning to kick at the thought of her being a topic you get to talk about. ‘yeah i love her so much— shes was actually my number one artist this year’ you nod before your eyes widen grabbing at your necklaces showing an original blohsh hanging from your neck.

‘i mean i’ve been a fan of hers since i was 14— i remember hostage being my shit when i was in like 8th grade, like that woman possesses a power over me that she doesn’t even know about’ you gush smiling widely your cheeks hurting from how hard you are smiling.

‘i actually went to her concert like the beginning of this month’ the video then fades you looking at the camera screaming ‘the greatest’ lyrics before turning back to the stage holding your arms out acting like billie is singing to you.

when the video fades back into the interview theres you with a huge smile playing on your lips. ‘best fucking night of my life, i cried the entire time’ you say feeling your cheeks and ears heat up shying a bit.

‘so to say your a fan of hers would be an understatement.’ you nod soft laughs slipping past your lips your legs still kicking.

‘i mean— she was my gay awakening, me and my friends have an inside joke cause all the girls i date, look like billie’ the crown laughs a bit as you look at the interviewer clearly sensing her wanting to ask another question.

‘billie does follow you on instagram though correct’ again you smile widely nodding eagerly bringing the mic up to your mouth. ‘yeah she does— the day i found out she followed me was through my friends’ you nod tucking hair behind your ear. ‘and you know me being a small artist at the time didn’t believe it and when i did finally see it i almost passed out— i mean like for me the girl ive been looking up to and admiring for ages…noticed me i was star struck’ you finish off with a soft smile letting your hands fall into your lap.

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

as the video fades away the crowd is cheering as billie is softly clapping as she looks at her lap with a grin eating at her face.

‘so seems like you aren’t the only fan girl in this situation.’ the interviewer teases as billie finally looks back up adjusting her hair and glasses before bringing the microphone to her lips.

‘um— no words..i mean she’s perfect— she’s truly angelic and seeing someone like her look up to someone like me is beyond me when all i ever did was look up to her’ she looks sheepishly at the camera giving it one of her looks knowing the the interview was almost over.

'so it seems that you wish to meet her one day.' billie looks at the interviewer a soft smile playing on her lips and she sends a soft nod towards her.

'yeah hopefully one day— and hey, ___ if your watching hit me up mama' she says sending a playful wink towards the camera before she erupts into giggles hiding her face behind her hands.

'your heard it here first folks— now we'll be back after this commercial break'

𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫

yourname.offical

❤︎7.M ❏︎ 16.8. ⌲︎397K

yourname.official - so pretty girl just won iheart radio album of the year literally sobbing im so fucking proud 😭😭❤️ this album changed me in ways that i could not even put into words. congratufuckinglations @billieeilish you deserve this more than anyone i know, i guess you could say im a proud girlfriend.

comments limited

billieeilish - crying thank you precious girl

billieeilish - kisses mamas, your not supposed to be making me cry

↳︎ yourname.offical - oops ☹️

sabrinacarpenter - 👏

yournamelover - soft launch??

[sargeteen]

𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 ! ᵐᵛ¹

i just wanna see you win ｡𖦹°‧

𝒎ax verstappen x 𝒅rag racer!male reader synopsis: max verstappen wasn't gay...at least that's what the internet believed. he believed he was being obvious that y/n was his, but then other people started to flirt with HIS boyfriend.

genre: smau, humor warnings: y!paul walker/hayden christensen as a fc, suggestive comments, plot was lost????

requested? nope author's note: requests are coming trust!! also, requests will be closed for the time being. i'm currently in the last stretch for high school, so i'll probably open them up during the summer!!

masterlist.

liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri, danielricciardo, and others tagged: maxverstappen1

blondcars win after win

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userone oh you are so fine

usertwo THEY DONT MAKE MEN LIKE THIS ANYMOREEEE 😩😩😩😩😩

maxverstappen1 couldn't have picked a picture of my face? ⤷ blondcars babe they don't need a picture of your face to know it's you ⤷ userthree the way that they're so comfortable with each other that y/n started calling max babe im 😭😭 i wish i had friends like that

userfour you are so fine, i'm following you home ⤷ blondcars please dont do that actually

danielricciardo you got that bde ⤷ blondcars thank you big man 😉🔥 ⤷ maxverstappen1 leave him alone daniel he's mine ⤷ danielricciardo didn't know we gatekeep friends 💔💔

userfive #smash. hard.

usersix "till the-" WRONG WE ARE NOT STOPPING ⤷ blondcars take me out to dinner first, will ya?

userseven god just one chance

usereight you and max are so cute togehter omfg ⤷ usernine theyre not dating 😹😹 ⤷ usereight oh theyre not? oh.. ⤷ usernine LMFAOO yeah theyre not dating, theyre both straight

charles_leclerc just one chance, y/n 😞😞 ⤷ maxverstappen1 no. ⤷ userten lestappen mention?? ⤷ usereleven protective over our monagasque are we? ⤷ blondcars i thought you would never ask, charlie 🙇 ⤷ maxverstappen1 ... ? ⤷ charles_leclerc my door is open ☺️ ⤷ lando can i come too 😏😏? ⤷ blondcars obviously, but max you stay home ⤷ maxverstappen1 ?????

liked by logansargeant, charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, and others tagged: maxverstappen1

blondcars new car who dis?

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usertwelve why is max always here ⤷ blondcars cause i want him to be

userthirteen please tell me it's named banana ⤷ blondcars no it's called twig ⤷ userthirteen ...like the monaco bar? ⤷ blondcars max named it.

maxverstappen1 twig looks good ⤷ blondcars i can't believe i let you name my car ofc you would name it after a bar in monaco ⤷ charles_leclerc twiga is actually a restaurant not a bar ⤷ blondcars ☝️🤓 nerd alert ⤷ charles_leclerc i know your home address. ⤷ blondcars scuderiaferrari ??????? ⤷ scuderiaferrari who's charles leclerc?

lando UGLY ASS CAR MINES BETTER ⤷ blondcars who? ⤷ lando my car??? ⤷ blondcars CARES!!! ⤷ lando 👴🏻👴🏻

userfourteen you look sexy asf man

userfifteen suddenly my name is twig 🚕

logansargeant this is so fast and furious core ⤷ blondcars i am actually brian spilner btw ⤷ logansargeant you would ⤷ blondcars tf does that mean ⤷ logansargeant ????? I WAS AGREEING WITH YOU HOE????

usersixteen you're the hottest formula 1 driver and you're not even a formula 1 driver ⤷ blondcars i'm associated with them cause i used to be a f2 driver but now i do something cooler so thank you ⤷ userseventeen wait how did i not know you drove in f2????????

usereighteen SMASHHHH SMASHHHH

usernineteen are you single perchance

maxverstappen1 none of these comments would be able to treat you right ⤷ blondcars and you would? ⤷ maxverstappen1 maybe. ⤷ usertwenty HELLO?????????/

usertwentyone i would until i pass out

liked by danielricciardo, lewishamilton, maxverstappen1, and others

blondcars omfg im so goofy you can't take me anywhere

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usertwentytwo yet i still would

usertwentythree yall are too freaky in these comments...digital footprint and all that...

oscarpiastri the goofiest ⤷ blondcars you know it goat

usertwentyfour omg!! he is so goofy!! so crazy!!

maxverstappen1 contain your goofiness. ⤷ blondcars let me be myself, max ⤷ maxverstappen1 you can be yourself, just contain your goofiness around me, you're too goofy. ⤷ blondcars you da goat max, but imma keep being goofy

charles_leclerc neva let a man dull your sparkle 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️ ⤷ blondcars you know what, hell yeah! thank you charles ⤷ charles_leclerc happy to be of service, king 💁‍♀️

usertwentyfive when you pulling up to a formula 1 race, king? ⤷ blondcars when i want to ⤷ usertwentyfive yeah...you know what yeah

usertwentysix GOD I LOVE YOU

usertwentyseven even when he's being goofy he's hot

usertwentyeight please reject me so i can move on

lando you got a bunch of whores in your comments, mate ⤷ blondcars thats one thing we got in common ⤷ lando don't call my fans whores ⤷ blondcars you just called mine whores??????? ⤷ lando mate most of these comments are bots ⤷ blondcars yet they're commenting on my account, therefore fans

usertwentynine pùś$ÿ in bïò 😍😍😍😍 ⤷ blondcars ok ⤷ maxverstappen1 ???? ⤷ blondcars max look away im taking care of business

userthirty HASHTAG HARD SMASH

danielricciardo cant take you anywhere but you can take me somewhere ⤷ blondcars on god? ⤷ danielricciardo on god

liked by lando, blondcars, danielricciardo, and others tagged: blondcars

maxverstappen1 off limits.

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userthirtyone WHAT THE FUCK

userthirtytwo HUHHHHHH???????????

danielricciardo im sorry what ⤷ maxverstappen1 who has bde now ⤷ danielricciardo ?????/

blondcars oh max emilian verstappen... ⤷ maxverstappen1 hi y/n :) ⤷ blondcars you jealous little shit

userthirtythree HELLO????? WHATS GOING ON WHAT IS THIS REAL

userthirtytwo GUYS WHATS GOING ON ARE THEY GAY ⤷ maxverstappen1 blondcars ? ⤷ blondcars oh yeah we're super gay

lando ykw yeah i knew that ⤷ maxverstappen1 because i told you ⤷ lando yet i still knew

userthirtythree im crying what i knew they were together ⤷ userthirtyfour do you want a medal or something

oscarpiastri my eyes still need bleach btw ⤷ blondcars your fault for barging into max's drivers room ⤷ oscarpiastri LOCK THE DOOR MAYBE??? ⤷ maxverstappen1 nah everyone at red bull knew not to walk in ⤷ oscarpiastri YALL ARE GROSS ASF

logansargeant papa y papa ⤷ maxverstappen1 blondcars since when did we have a kid ⤷ blondcars since always. logan is my child. ⤷ maxverstappen1 ok...logan can you take jimmy and sassy for the night? y/n and i have a date night and i don't want them to be by themselves. ⤷ logansargeant SIR, YES SIR!

userthirtyfive holy moly...hottest couple ever

userthirtysix always knew y/n swung for the same team ⤷ blondcars wtf...💔 but like yah 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

liked by danielricciardo, lando, charles_leclerc, and others tagged: maxverstappen1

blondcars blah blah blah...proper name, place name, backstory stuff

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maxverstappen1 i love you, y/n ⤷ blondcars love you more geek

userthirtyseven this isn't your max fan account y/n ⤷ blondcars OH FUCK

userthirtyeight oh fuck man...yeah smash

lando jesus max hard launches you and suddenly you're all that's on my feed please get a job y/n ⤷ blondcars i'll get a job when you win the drivers championship ⤷ charles_leclerc so, never? ⤷ lando you're one to talk, charles ⤷ blondcars hey leave my charles alone. ⤷ maxverstappen1 your charles?

userthirtynine ok so theyre both sluts ⤷ blondcars um well um well, yes!

userfourty ok so theyre boyfriends thats awesome i love you guys so much

userfourtyone still can't believe max verstappen is gay ⤷ blondcars i know right?

danielricciardo do you guys need a third? ⤷ blondcars maxverstappen1 ??? ⤷ maxverstappen1 charles asked first, then you get second ⤷ jackdoohan turns out max and y/n are the paddock sluts ⤷ blondcars TF YOU DOIN HERE????????

oscarpiastri yall cute or whatever ⤷ blondcars thank you or whatever

logansargeant papa y papa ⤷ blondcars is that all you're going to comment ⤷ logansargeant well, yes!

userfourtytwo need y/n in the red bull garage next race ⤷ blondcars redbullracing 🙇🙇????????? ⤷ redbullracing 💁‍♀️💁‍♀️🔥🔥🔥🔥!!!!!!!!!!!!

userfourtythree formula 1 should do what formula e did and have outside people drive their cars ⤷ blondcars actually just let me drive my cars on the track. i feel like i'd wreck the f1 car and i don't want red bull or me to pay for that...

userfourtyfour yall sluts

a/n: this was fun to write

tags: @milessunflowers @lokisen @kevinlolwife @op-81-lvr-reblogs @kazanskied @481rosier @raizelchrysanderoctavius @mountainshuman

[heartz-for-de]

Hi lovely! Would you be willing to do a little one shot for Bakugo, Kirishima, and Todoroki where their crush falls asleep on them? During a movie night or something idk 🙃

Hey sweets!!! Ofc I love this sm :)))

- MHA boys reacting to their crush falling asleep on them during a movie night -

REQUESTS- OPENNN!!

Kirishima -

•••••••••••••••••••••••

You had begged Kiri to train extra with you, and I mean he had no other choice but to say yes to such a pretty face like yours.

And now you were facing the consequences of your own actions, your head slightly falling to the side every few seconds as the movie played in the background. You had known about the movie night your friend group had planned, but you stupidly decided “why not push yourself a little harder? What harm could that cause?”

Kirishima sat next to you, his eyes focused intensely on the bright screen. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly and he rested one arm on the back of the couch behind you. You snapped your eyes back to your lap once you realized you were staring.

You let out a sigh as you finally realized you could do nothing else but succumb to the heavy weight that sleep was, finally resting your eyes permanently.

Kirishima stiffened for a moment as your head fell onto his shoulder, all of your weight being laid onto the right side of his body. ‘Holy shit—‘

He was tempted to put you in a more comfortable position, but he didn’t want to touch you and cross any boundaries. He just took in a deep breath and tried to relax, trying to ignore the fact that the prettiest girl he’d ever laid his eyes on was laying basically on him.

“Kiri, your face is as red as your hair. What the hell—“ sero began poking at Kirishima flustered state.

“Shh! Y/n is sleeping. She worked super duper hard today so she deserves the sleep.” Kirishima whispered yelled at the boy.

“Ou, or maybe you just dont want her to love from her—very close might I add— spot?” Mina teased with a giggle.

Kirishima glared at her, knowing she was absolutely correct.

“Pretty sure the movie is still playing, so maybe you should all focus on that and not on MY business.” He clapped back quickly.

Denki cackled which kiri aggressively shushed him for. Kiri then felt you move, his arm instinctively wrapping around you as you nuzzled into his chest. He felt his heart swell at you peaceful state. He could stay like this for eternity with you.

“You are so sassy—“ Mina was cut off by bakugo.

“Will you all shut the fuck up and watch the damn movie.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••

- Katsuki

•••••••••••••••••••••••

You were on a mission, a very serious and important mission. You had tried everything in your power but nothing had seemed to work yet, your end goal yet to be reached. What was that end goal you might ask? Getting katsuki to blush. He wasn’t slick by any means, his obvious affection towards you on full display even if he’d argue otherwise. You were almost sure, but how could you really prove he’d thought of you as more than a friend? Trying to fluster him. Sadly nothing had worked yet, so your plan was beginning to bum you out.

That was until you had wanted to hangout with bakugo—as friends of course— but he claimed he needed to study. So, you offered to just chill in his dorm while he got what he needed done. The two of you were close enough friends that it didn’t seem intimate at all to either of you—much to your dismay.

You sat perched on his bed in thought, how could you get this man crack? I mean you could only blatantly flirt so many times before he caught on. You let out a frustrated sigh.

“Fuck is wrong with you?” He asked without looking up from his work.

You shot a glare at the back of his messy blonde hair. “Nothing, jus’ tired.”

Suddenly you heard a ding go off in your head, what if you tried to cuddle with him? Very bold? Yes, but also very possible to work. You wore a sinister smile as you continued talking.

“Can you come do your work on the bed? I’m cold, and your body heat radiates.” You tried to sound nonchalant about the request.

“The hell?— I swear I told you that I had work,” he grumbled.

Gosh he was so stubborn “You did.”

“So then why the hell are you still bugging me? Go find a fuckin heater or something.” As much as you fancied Katsuki, he had a tendency to be quite unbearable.

“Please, kats? I won’t say another word for the rest of the day!” You begged. You needed this plan to work.

“Jesus…fuck, fine. But if I hear one word, I’m blasting a hole in the wall and sending you too Mina’s room.” You nearly jumped with joy at his defeat.

You moved over enough to where he had plenty of room to set his things down.

His pushed his back against the backboard, his legs sprawled out straight. You laid there for a moment, still trying to figure out just how to execute your devious plan.

You laid still for while, trying to convince Katsuki you were tired. You had to do it now. ‘No pussying out.’ You thought.

In one swift movement you shifter your head to lay on his lap and your body to curl up next to his. You felt his legs tense up.

“Oi.” He called out, not very loudly. You almost expected him to push you off of him, or maybe kick his leg up to shove you in the face. But as you waited you realized neither of those things was coming.

You did however feel a gentle hand come up to brush some of the hair out of you face. You almost screamed at the touch, realizing just how successful your plan was.

The room was quiet, the occasional deep breath infiltrating the calm atmosphere. You felt sleep actually washing over you, the heat and comfort of his body on your becoming too much for you to handle.

You suddenly heard a loud BOOM, the sound almost causing you to move from your comfortable spot on your bed.

“Bakubro! I need some notes—“

“ get the FUCK OUT shit head.” Katsuki screamed at the loud boy, his harsh voice startling you and causing you too move.

He sucked in a harsh breath, and glared at Kirishima. He then motioned his hand and mouthed to him. ‘Get the hell out.’

Once you had heard the door shut, you shifted you shifted slightly. Katsuki let out a shushing nose at the sound of your groan.

“M’ sorry. Jus’ shitty hair, you can go back to sleep.” He mumbled out quietly, caressing your head with his hands, he must’ve thought you were half asleep. You adorned a soft smile on your lips at the sound of his now calm breathing.

Mission accomplished.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

- Todoroki

•••••••••••••••••••••••

You and Todoroki had decided to study together, knowing about the important test coming up. The session consisted of shared small laughs and him being dumbfounded at your lack of basic knowledge, but he admired you nonetheless.

It had started to get late in the common room and everyone was slowly heading out, except the two of you. He continued explaining things, his smooth voice was softly swaying you towards sleep. You tried to regain focus, your eyes snapping open every once in a while, but eventually you could do nothing but lean against him and shut your eyes.

You hadn’t truly meant to lean against him, but as soon as you did you found comfort in his heated skin, the red in his hair reminding you what side you had came into contact with. You waited a moment before truly resting, to see if he’d toss you off or ask you to move, but nothing had came. Just the peaceful atmosphere of the empty common room and the two of you against eachother.

You felt Todoroki shift after awhile, his shoulder moving back slightly. You sat up straight, ready to apologize for making him uncomfortable, but he beat you to it.

“Oh, my apologies, l/n. I hadn’t meant to wake you.” He quickly responded to your sudden movements. You felt your face flush.

“What? No im sorry! I didn’t mean to fall asleep and make you uncomfortable in any way, it was so rude of me not to ask you first.” You tried to explain, but he gave you a strange look.

“Uncomfortable? No, I was trying to move so that you would be more comfortable. I quite enjoyed you laying against me.” He informed you.

You felt your face flush, his eyes meeting yours for an instance. He then went a little wide in the eyes.

“But if you didn’t enjoy it then I’m sorry, we can forget it happened if that would fix how you felt?” He asked you, and for the first time ever you saw Todoroki gain some color in his cheeks. His face showing nothing but embarrassment for a solid moment before switching back to his usual straight one.

“No—no I did. And I’m glad you did too.” You reassured him.

“Then perhaps we should do it more often, if you’d like?” He asked you, his eyes peering over to read your face.

You smiled big and gave him a nod, thus causing him to smile a bit.

•••••••••••••••••••••••

NOT PROOF READ UGH THIS TOOK FIVEEVER SORRYYYYYYYYYY

[irradiatedsnakes]

realized i had this in my drafts and planned to post it a month or two after the wheel dropped and then forgot about it. oops! here you go

"why does it feel like i just got scammed", my contribution to the wheel of wow, a small dialtown fic collection comprised of randomly-generated ships written and illustrated by our group of friends! we released it this past valentine's day, and i'm unbearably proud to be a part of it. please take a gander if you haven't!

the ship generated for this one was, uh, milton r. wallace/milton r. wallace. well i hope you like it (please check under the cut for the feelings/concepts behind the comic and my ramblings on the dialup!)

ive been thinking a lot about the dialup lately and like. okay. milton was opposed from day 1, he never Stopped being opposed, but- obviously the dialup is Unfathomably Unethical, i agree with this. a violation of bodily autonomy on a high-incomprehensible scale. but there is that little nagging doubt, what IF it all went exactly according to how callum said it would, if it accomplished all the improvements to people's lives that it was meant to? (given everything we know it seems unlikely it ever WOULD.)

but damn if me, i, griffin, were posed with the choice to press a button where "quality of life improves significantly for like everyone on earth, and also phone heads happen" i would probably definitely press the button. now, i dont think milt would, but like, this comic is meant to explore that bit of doubt, that little voice of callum's in his head going on about changing the world, helping people. what IF it was possible, what IF it worked.

which is also why, in this, hypothetical post-dialup-milton talks more like callum than he does milton (hence why he specifically calls him "milt" and not "milton" on the last page). that little needling voice of doubt speaking up, that after consideration (ie, this conversation) just solidifies his conviction- that the dialup is something horrible, but also not something he feels like he has the power to stop, anymore.

also phone head notes!

it's an ericsson n2200 wooden wall phone, as mentioned in the first page

i wanted an ericsson model specifically since that's the same company that made callum's model (an ericsson dbh of some kind)- playing on the "made in his image"/callum-as-god theme.

unlike callum's model, this is a wooden phone specifically- it's primarily made of organic materials.

the front is completely blank. there's lots of bits and bobs on rotary phones that can read as facial features- dials, bells- i wanted him to be as blank and faceless as possible, removal of expression and individuality. he's not as much a person anymore, he's a vehicle for callum's ideas and ambitions.

[hoonieyun]

the snake ₊ ⊹

pairing: lee heeseung x reader genre: angst, romance, betrayal, strangers to lovers warnings: religious themes, kissing, profanity, skin ship, alcohol, cheating, manipulation, toxic relationships, suggestive, talks about losing virginity and sex but not explicit, yn has an anxiety attack, 18+

synopsis: your simple life takes a turn when meeting heeseung, a handsome stranger turned boyfriend who shows you all of the finer things in life; making you question your desires and temptations.

hoonieyun notes: guys im gonna be honest i wasn't expecting this to be this long so please don't expect the others to be as long or idk they might be im not sure LOL but im also going to say i dont think this is my best work, i think i got a little too in my head when writing this but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!!

wc: 8567

the garden of eden

once a stranger that you had met on a sunday at church, you never knew how big of a role he’d play in your life. 

it was a bright and windy spring day. 

april 13th, a few clouds were in the sky, hugging the sun, when you had finished church. the day was still early but there was so much to do. your family wasn’t anyone important in the church, although the pastor made it a point to mention that everyone who steps into the home of jesus was important, you and your parents weren’t anyone who had a strong impact. 

you simply went to church on sunday at 10am and would leave at noon. on most days you’d have lunch with your parents at a seaside diner a few miles away but on this specific day, the pastor had spoken with your parents beforehand and discussed with them on how you should join their youth group, specifying that they had groups of all ages. you weren’t particularly opposed to the idea, it gave you something to do on sundays instead of spending it laying on your bed scrolling through your phone or procrastinating the homework you had for college. 

your parents had said yes before you could respond and although it rubbed you the wrong way, you chose not to fight it because you weren’t necessarily sure if you cared enough. that’s how you found yourself in a dimly lit room, somewhere in the back of the church, with several empty tables surrounding you. 

the air was stale and the sun barely shone through the curtains of the windows. if it was any other scenario, you’d probably find it quite eerie but you barely had enough time to let that unsettling feeling creep into your stomach because someone else was entering the room just as you began to wonder if this is where you should be right now. 

enter: heeseung. 

he was tall, light brown hair swept across his forehead, and an unsuspecting smile was plastered across his face as he walked into the room. 

“yn, this is heeseung. heeseung, yn. you two are the newest members of our youth group. i’d introduce you both to everyone but i thought since they all know each other and you two are new, i’d let you both get to know one another first before throwing you in with the other kids.” the pastor says and you and heeseung awkwardly exchange glances at each other. 

was it that serious? 

you still aren’t sure but for the next hour or so, you and heeseung bonded with one another in ways you haven't bonded with anyone before. a stranger at that. 

heeseung was sweet and kind, he found ways to help you open up about yourself in the short hour that you hadn’t even opened up to your friends. he made you laugh and not the type of laugh that had your eyes squeezing shut and your head thrown back, but the type of laugh that felt like it was reserved for a specific person. 

those 60 minutes felt like eternity with heeseung. not because it felt long and grooling, but because it felt like time stopped. for the first time, someone understood you in ways where you didn’t feel like you were putting up a guard. heeseung had this ability of just grounding you and you found yourself melting into him. 

that hour with heeseung on a random sunday turned to sticking by his side every sunday and eventually, becoming his girlfriend. 

he introduced you to all of the different things in life that you hadn’t experienced before. life before heeseung felt bland, mundane, and like you were a vcr constantly being played back and being forced to relive the same boring day over and over again. 

you didn’t have much to live for, aside from your parents and your small dog, life was just… life. 

heeseung showed you so much more than just life. 

but you knew to trust him. 

later that night, heeseung picked you up in his beat up cadillac. it was black in color but because it was so old, one could describe it as grey instead. he got it from his grandpa last summer who said that if he could fix it up and get it running, it was his. if heeseung was going to do one thing, it was get what he wanted. 

the party was everything you expected it to be, loud music, crowded rooms, and faces that you didn’t recognize except for a few people you knew from church. you didn’t expect to see anyone you knew, let alone some of the girls and their boyfriend’s from your church. heeseung’s hand didn’t let go of yours not once the whole night. he was there by your side from the moment he parked his car and the moment the night ended. 

that night was a lot of your firsts. 

first college party and party in general. 

first taste of alcohol, even when you turned 21 you had no desire to try it. 

first kiss. it sounds weird to say that you and heeseung were dating for a few months but he made no move to kiss you or any other advances. until that night, he gave you a few drinks and because you trusted him, you accepted the cup and drank what was inside; heeseung mirroring your actions. it didn’t take much to have you drunk and slurring your words so heeseung took that as the sign to take you home. 

you didn’t want to go home though so heeseung took you to his place where you’d end up spending the night. when heeseung carried you to his room, he gently set you down on his mattress before going to his bathroom. he returned with a purple item in his hands that crinkled when he fidgeted with it. 

“close your eyes..” heeseung whispers and you do as such. a cold and moist feeling meets your skin and you realize that he was taking your makeup off. such a tender and simple yet intimate moment between two people. his fingers on your skin were gentle and it only amplified your feelings for him. 

accompanied with the alcohol in your system and heeseung’s pretty face in front of you, your eyes traveled from his doe eyes to the plumpness of his lips. you blinked several times as you studied the shape of them. how pink they looked despite his room being fairly dark and how soft they looked even though you’ve never seen heeseung carry or use lipbalm in the time you’ve known him. 

“you alright, yn?” heeseung asks and you’re taken out of your thoughts as you look up at him. his tall stature stood way above you as you sat on his bed. heeseung smirked at the way you looked right now, looking up at him with wide and soft eyes. you looked so delicate and he was starting to struggle keeping to himself. 

you nodded, swallowing the dryness in your throat after heeseung's hands found them on your cheek; lightly caressing your face with his thumb. “i’ll get you some water and i’ll be right back, ok?” he says, softly patting your cheek before heading out of his bedroom. 

while heeseung is gone, you decide to take a look around his bedroom while you wait. the room was definitely one of a young man, clothes lazily thrown on various surfaces, a guitar was propped up in the corner of the room next to his dresser that had clothes peeking out, and several music and movie posters plastered on the wall. 

you got up to look at the photos on his desk, a frame that separated into four that contained pictures of him as a baby, a high school graduatone of the many times that heeseung brought something new into your life was when summer break began shortly after meeting him that spring. university was beginning to get busy during the spring with the semester soon being over so the both of you barely had time to see each other. once summer had officially started, heeseung took the first opportunity to see you and have some fun. 

“you really haven’t been to a college party before?” he asks, a smirk on his face. he was filled with intrigue at the idea of you being so sheltered and innocent, not to anyone’s fault but your own as you chose to stay away from those things. your parents didn’t restrict you from living a normal college life, they even encouraged it by saying all you have to do is be safe, but you took safety a little too seriously and chose to stay in all the time. 

you shook your head in response, a small pout on your lips as heeseung’s smile spread even wider. he had convinced you to come to a first day of summer party one of his friend’s was throwing. it was at the other university in your town and you were nervous about not  knowing anyone besides heeseung and that worried you. 

ion photo, and the other two of him with his parents. the pictures made you smile, heeseung still looked cute as ever and you could see the similarities of his features as a baby grow into the features he has now. you set the frame down and your eyes soon focus on a leather bound book open on his desk. you had met heeseung at church but his faith and the house of god was rarely a topic the two of you discussed. 

maybe it was because neither of you wanted to waste your time together with something already occupying your daily lives. you lean in closer to take a look at what page his bible was opened to, curious as to what heeseung has been reading but the opportunity quickly fades when heeseung’s voice gains your attention. 

“what are you looking at?” he asks, not in a way that felt like you had just been caught but one of genuine curiosity. you tell him that it was nothing, just admiring his baby photos and he just blushes while grabbing your hand and giving you the water he brought. the water is cold and almost stings your throat as you swallow it, like it was burning the scars that the alcohol had previously created. 

“feeling better, angel?” heeseung asks and you nod as you finish swallowing the water, thanking him for taking care of you. the low light in his room doesn’t allow for much to be seen, a lot of vague shapes and shadows as the night progresses further into darkness. what you can see clearly, however, is heeseung. he’s got his eyes glued to your face, taking in your features. the way your cheeks were still flushed from the alcohol he gave you, the way your eyes drooped and how you tried your best to keep them open, and the way your lips would pout as you tried to bite away the dryness of your lips. 

heeseung just loved watching you and he loved it even more knowing you were by his side. 

“can i kiss you?” 

the question hangs heavily in the air and for a second you just blink at him, unsure if you had heard his question correctly, but when heeseung asks again; you pull him close by the collar of his shirt and press your lips against his. the kiss sends a shock through your body, you don’t know where the sudden burst of boldness came from but it soon crumbled away when heeseung reciprocated your actions with even more passion. 

he kissed you back with so much desire, like he had been waiting for this moment for so long. his hands find a home on your waist and hips as he pushes himself over you, your body slowly falling onto his mattress. heeseung was now on top of you, devouring you into his mouth like his life depended on it. 

you were too embarrassed to tell heeseung that this is the most you’ve ever done with anyone, hell, you hadn’t even had your first kiss until now and it’s feeling like tonight was full of firsts for you. however, when heeseung begins to take his clothes off, pulling himself off of you for a second to shrug off his jacket, you take the moment to stop it before it goes any further. 

it wasn’t particularly because you were scared.. well, maybe you were. but you weren’t sure why. 

you had always been told of the sins of premarital sex and right now it was feeling a lot like that. had you even sinned before this moment? the question makes you recall all of the other events of the night and you come to the conclusion that you had sinned several times in one night. the guilt eats you from the inside out and you can't bring yourself to keep going. the way the faint light from outside of heeseung’s window cast a shadow across his face made him look almost unrecognizable. 

his eyes were the only thing that was easily identifiable but even then it didn’t feel like his eyes. like they belonged to someone else. heeseung’s eyes didn’t look bright or soft like they usually do, but instead were sharp; like a predator hunting its prey, stalking it in the shadows and waiting for the right time to pounce. 

temptation was something you never had to worry about. that, paired with desire, you knew it was a dangerous thing and although this specific moment felt good and your body reacted the way you expected it to react, you couldn’t help but think about how this is what you were told would happen. how you’d hear the whispers of heavenly causes and fondness when you were closest to sin. 

 when heeseung leaned down to continue kissing you, your hand flew to his chest to stop him, “hee.. um. i’m tired, maybe we should sleep.” it came off more as a suggestion but you didn't know how to tell him to stop. you could barely make out the expression on his face but you could feel the disappointment. he doesn’t say anything, heeseung just nods and gives you a smile, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. 

heeseung pulled you close against his body, his warmth was enough to lull you to sleep, but the soft humming of his voice made you fall asleep even quicker. you were grateful that heeseung wasn’t upset about your decision and maybe it was a sign that he was the right one for you. you couldn’t deny that you were enjoying it but you’re just not ready for it and heeseung understood that. 

just not in the way you’d want him to. 

he didn’t fall asleep as fast as you did that night. he was staring at the back of your head for a while before he moved to staring at his ceiling; all the while his arms never left their place around your waist. heeseung was disappointed, he’s wanted to taste you for so long and he thought it would finally play out tonight. the way you tasted against his lips, the faint flavor of alcohol that clung to your tongue, how his own tongue fit into your mouth perfectly. it was like heaven to him, but heaven was short lived. 

matthew 4:1-11 jesus’ temptation in the wilderness  

after that night with heeseung, you hadn’t seen or heard from him in a few weeks. you were beginning to worry that your decision to not go any further drove him away that night and it made your chest ache. had you really been this dispensable to heeseung that any moment of resistance would create a wedge between the two of you. 

it made you regret your decision that night. you didn’t know how important heeseung was to you until now. no text or calls until 3am like you usually do, you didn’t even see him at church on sundays, and when you’d try to approach his parents; they’d just tell you that heeseung hasn’t been feeling well. you were beginning to feel so much guilt that your own decisions led you to losing him and you just wished you could go back to that night. 

what you felt that night wasn’t bad and although you had been told your whole life that it was, you couldn’t help but feel for heeseung the way he felt towards you. you were a virgin and for a while, you believed you’d be one until marriage; but heeseung showed you a type of love and desire that wasn’t anything you had felt before. 

the way he treated you felt good and maybe you just needed to admit to yourself that you were ready for it and to stop being afraid. 

when you were a child, you were really afraid of going on the swing set at the park; you had a fear that you’d swing so high up that it would catapult you into the sky and you’d never be able to come back down and see your parents ever again. 

the irrationality of that fear didn’t exist in your mind because the fear was so pervasive that you couldn’t think of anything else besides that. when you had finally gotten on the swing after confessing to your mom why you were afraid, it was nothing like that. it was fun. the breeze that blew past your face and the warmth of the sun on your skin as you swung upwards felt like a hug. 

maybe it was like that. 

being afraid for no reason and when you finally got to the point of doing it, everything would be fine in the end. 

after church on sunday, you decided that you’d walk home, telling your parents that you needed some fresh air and would stop by the park and head home after. your parents didn’t say much besides the usual “be safe and don’t be home too late”. thankfully, they were never overbearing and allowed you to have some semblance of freedom. 

you couldn’t say the same to a lot of the other girls at your church. you had it easy compared to them, they had parents that didn’t allow them to wear certain clothes if it showed too much skin, their hair was always down because putting it up would reveal their necks, white shoes in the church would always be paired with white frill socks, and by no means, at all, should they ever mess around with a boy– and yet… they all seemed to have so much more experience than you did. 

the three girls who were in charge of the youth group, all around your age, were all dating someone from the youth group. good and respectable boys that their fathers approved of but when heeseung took you to that party, you saw all of them. 

drinks in hand, hands on neck, and necks on display. it was as if the way they appeared at church was just a facade and this was who they truly were. it came to you as a shock that the way the girls and boys at your church presented themselves was drastically different. like they lived completely opposite lives to the ones you assumed they lived when you’d see them walk through the big wooden doors of the chapel. 

maybe they appeared that way for the approval of their parents because it definitely wasn’t for the lord’s approval as he’s been witness to the sins that they’ve committed. you saw the same three girls head to the back section of the church where youth groups met and just a few feet behind them were their boyfriends. you would’ve never guessed that the sweet smiles and kind gestures they offered to the elders at the church were their ways of protecting who they really were underneath the tight pleated skirts that stopped just above their ankles and the soft wool fabric of the sweaters the boys would wear over their white dress shirts. 

you walked right past them and decided to exit, not wanting to attend the youth group because it only reminded you of heeseung, “not attending today, yn? we haven’t seen you in a while.” one of the girls said, a bright smile on her glossy pink lips. you shook your head in response and continued walking but halted in your steps when a thought popped inside of your brain. 

“do you- do you know where heeseung’s been?” you ask her as she’s about to shut the door to the room, she gives you a small smirk; like she knew exactly what you were getting at and better yet, she knew what you and heeseung had been up to prior to his disappearance. just as you saw all of those people at that party that you saw regularly at church, they saw you too. 

“try looking at eden park. there’s a little garden in the back east of the park; it’s covered by a lot of trees but there’s like a red sign there. you’ll know it when you see it.” 

you thank her before heading off, surprised that she had given you any information at all because you two weren’t necessarily friends with one another. 

the walk to eden park wasn’t long but it felt like eternity as you ran through the different things you’d say to heeseung if he was even there. did you have any reason to trust her words, no; but you also didn’t have any reason not to trust her.

you were beginning to think that doubt was a normal thing in your life. or maybe more so curiosity. curious if heeseung would be there and curious if her advice would ring true. curious where heeseung has been and why he’s been ignoring you. curious on what would’ve happened if you didn’t stop heeseung that night. curious if heeseung still felt the same about you. as you walked through the short patch of forest at the back of eden park, twigs snapped and leaves crunched underneath the soles of your white shoes. you were beginning to think you had been lied to but that was until you stopped at a tree to catch your breath and contemplated turning around when you saw a wooden plank hanging from a branch just a few feet away. 

just like she said, the sign was covered in red paint and had words in black paint. 

“garden of eden” 

you blinked several times at the sign as you walked closer, staring at it as if it was a symbol of something but you couldn’t quite put your finger on why it seemed like it was of importance. as you pondered, you soon could hear several voices emerge from behind a group of trees– following the voices, a clearing of grass welcomed you and you finally saw him. 

heeseung is sitting on a wooden bench, surrounded by three guys who you didn’t really know but recognized from your town and occasionally at church. heeseung had a cigarette in between his fingers, smoke flowing from his lips as he took a drag and exhaled. you looked at him for a moment, had he gotten more handsome since you last saw him? 

your heart began to beat a lot faster at the sight of heeseung. you missed him dearly and his absence in your life has had a bigger impact on you than you could imagine. 

“hee?” you say, your voice is soft but effective because it catches the attention of all four boys. the boy that you recognize as jake was the one you were most familiar with. he had been showing up more frequently in your neighborhood because he started seeing the girl that lived next door recently. the other two you didn’t know much. 

heeseung’s big eyes shoot upwards and catch your gaze. heeseung would be lying if he said you didn’t look beautiful because the way the sun was peeking through the leaves of the trees and the light brush of the breeze in the air made you look ethereal. his voice gets caught in his throat because he isn’t even able to say anything. 

“you know her, heeseung?” one of the boys with thick eyebrows asks and he just stares at you. he’s not sure if it’s because he doesn’t know what to say or if it’s because your beauty has him stunned. truthfully, heeseung has been ignoring you because he was disappointed you didn’t want to have sex with him but after seeing you now; he’s feeling like an idiot. you looked so beautiful, the way your eyes seemed to sparkle under the sunlight, the way the sun cast a shadow on your face but perfectly highlighted your lips, and how your hair effortlessly blew around your face– avoiding obstruction of your beauty. 

heeseung stutters a small no and it breaks your heart. that small crack in your heart grew and a sense of betrayal strikes through your chest. did heeseung just act like he doesn’t know you? you’re stunned by his words, your eyes continue to glisten but this time from the tears threatening to spill and your lips fall into a frown. you swallow the dryness in your throat and don’t even know what to say– this was the last thing you expected to happen. 

“what’s your name, pretty?” the other unknown boy asks and heeseung’s jaw tightens at his question. he sends him a glare from behind that only you notice but not even that could help how you are feeling right now. without a second thought, you turn on your heel and run out of the garden, out of the small forest, and throw eden park. 

tears have made their journey from yours down to your jaw, not even bothering to wipe your face as it begins to blur your vision. there were so many emotions running through your mind and the aching behind the boned cage in your chest was getting unbearable. it was like you could faint at any moment– you clutch the fabric of your yellow dress as you continue to run. the fabric crumpled under your tight grip but it didn’t provide any support. 

your chest was tightening and your breathing was getting sporadic. 

is this what death feels like? you thought to yourself as you got closer to home, bursting through the back door and ignoring the calls from your mother that dinner would be done soon. she doesn’t pay much attention to you and doesn’t realize the state you’re in. stumbling in your bedroom and locking the door behind you, you tear off the clothes confining your body, scratching and palming at your chest and neck as you begin to struggle even more to breathe. 

the walls of your room begin to spin as you try your best to crawl to your bed, barely pulling yourself up from the floor onto the plush mattress. you try to steady the dizziness in your head but the pressure behind your eyes was taking over and you didn’t know why this was happening. 

a white light flashes over your vision and a high pitched ringing floods your ears. 

a cool breeze wakes you from your slumber, eyes fluttering open as you’re met with the bright blue sky with a warm yellow ball kissing your skin. you aren’t sure what time of day it is but the only thing on your mind is the fact that you woke up in a field of grass and flowers. you palm the grass near you and reach for the white petaled flower, “lily of the valley..” you murmured. 

you looked around the field and it stretched yards and yards around you as small white flowers were sprinkled throughout the endless sea of green. confusion fills your mind as you squint at your eyes when a tree off in the distance comes into your vision, you hadn’t seen it prior when you first looked around. the tree had just suddenly appeared and it was like the tree's roots had emerged from underneath you. breaking through the dirt and wrapping itself around you as you find yourself walking closer and closer to the large tree. 

the tree’s branches and leaves swayed as the wind blew. there was a faint ringing in the air as you looked at the bark of the tree, its lines and abstract patterns reading in your head like an optical illusion. 

that light-headed feeling you’ve grown familiar with is starting to return and when your knees almost give out from underneath you, a pair of strong arms catch you before your body meets the earth beneath you. 

you look up to find heeseung staring back at you, a small smile on his face as he pulls you upright. eyes rapidly blinking as you process the boy standing in front of you. similar to the tree it seems like he just materialized. “what’s wrong, honey? you look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” 

it was hard to come up with a response when nothing made sense, heeseung and this tree randomly emerged and when you felt like it was just a mirage of sorts from being awoken; everything felt so real. you reached out to grab heeseung’s face and the soft plush skin under your fingers only solidified how real heeseung was right in front of you. 

“take a seat, you look like you could faint at any moment.” 

heeseung guides you to the ground, carefully assisting you in sitting next to the tree; resting your body against the rough bark. “hee, where are we?” 

he doesn’t respond right away, eyes travelling from your exposed knees, over the curves of your lips, and landing on your eyes. the sun was shining just right and it was illuminating your eyes and making them appear as marbles. the colors are piercing and so striking, “it doesn’t matter where we are, all that matters is that we’re together.” 

the moment feels warm and touching, it was like all of the worries and issues you previously had with heeseung had just disappeared and there was nothing getting in the way of what you have now. you smiled at his response, resting your head on his shoulder as his arm wraps itself around you. it was times like this that you shared with heeseung that felt a lot like heaven. a type of luxury that you couldn’t always afford. 

“hee?” you ask, turning your head to face him, eyes directed upwards. 

“how did you get here?” 

you can hear him swallow his response, his heartbeat slightly speeding up at your question. 

“you look a bit sick, are you ok?” 

“im fine– can you answer me? i’m not sure how i even got here, then you just appeared..” 

“honey, you’re looking faint– hold on.” heeseung gently pulls away from you and stands on his feet. your eyes follow him as you watch him reach for an apple from the tree, one that you hadn’t noticed prior. your eyes travel to the hem of his shirt, his skin peeking out slightly as the fabric rises a bit higher than where it usually falls. heat rises to your cheek at the sight of heeseung’s skin being on display. 

things suddenly appearing with no explanation was making it a lot easier to identify real from fake– and right now; it was all seeming fake. “that apple wasn’t there before, i– here eat this. you look sick and you’re worrying me.” heeseung interrupts you, cracking the apple in half with his bare hands and bringing it close to your lips. 

you look directly into his eyes now that he’s crouched down. you hesitate to take the apple, wondering why heeseung was avoiding your questions. your eyes falter under his gaze and land on the apple itself, the soft hue of the inside of the apple slightly glistening from its moisture. when you reach to grab the apple, heeseung pulls it away, your eyes flying upwards with a confused expression on his actions. 

heeseung simply shakes his head and raises the apple back to your lips, you open your mouth slightly and heeseung gestures for you to keep going, raising his eyebrows with a small smirk to encourage you to take a bite. the cold fruit makes contact with your lips as you take a bite, a soft crunching as the fruit breaks off and falls into your mouth. 

“good girl.” heeseung says, pulling the fruit back and gently patting your head with his other hand. “feel better?” 

you wanted to say yes but that feeling of lightheadedness was starting to creep back in and heeseung, who was at some point just smiling at you, has now tripled in your vision and it was beginning to be difficult to keep your head from rolling to one side. 

“oh, honey. you don’t look so good, just sleep now… ok?” heeseung says, pulling you into his arms; hand gently rubbing your back as the heaviness in your eyes has become too hard to fight off. you rest your head on his chest, heartbeat lightly thudding in your ears like a lullaby. heeseung quietly hums you to sleep as he smiles down at your sleeping figure. he brushes a few strands of hair away from your face to take in your sleeping state. 

“so beautiful..” he mutters to himself. 

“and all mine.” 

the last memory of heeseung on your mind before falling asleep was his smiling face as he fed you that apple, grateful that he cared enough to ensure you had sustenance inside of you– heeseung cared about you so much and his worry that you were falling ill only showed his love. unbeknownst to you, something changed inside of heeseung when he watched you bite from his apple– a smirk growing wider with hidden intention. 

heeseung continued to watch you sleep in his arms, bright red and fiery eyes with dark elliptical pupils down the center. a low hissing in the air as he gently runs his fingers across your exposed neck. 

a rhythmic melody rings throughout your head, getting louder and louder, and when the sound becomes unbearable like it’s playing directly inside of your head at the loudest volume– your eyes fly open. a gasp rips through your chest as you lurch upward, a thick white blanket covers your body and the cold wind from your window sends chills up your body. 

the sky was completely dark and you weren’t sure what time it was, a sense of deja vu washing over you. you suddenly remember that your phone is ringing, the vibrations on your bed aiding you in finding where it was. when you grab the phone, the bright light causes you to flinch and when you squint to adjust, heeseung’s name is written in bright white letters across the screen. 

you stare at his name on your phone a bit too long and the call goes unanswered. your mouth falls slightly open when you realize you were too stunned to answer the phone but his name reappears just as quick as it does disappear. 

“hee?” 

“love? hey.. you answered…” his voice sounded hoarse and a bit slowed– like he had been drinking. 

“i’m outside, can we talk, i know it’s late but i just really needed to see you and– okay. i’ll come down in a second.” you cut him off from rambling because quite frankly; you wanted to see heeseung and confront him about what had happened in the garden earlier in the day. 

the events of your dream are nowhere to be found in your mind as you throw on a sweater over your body and quickly tiptoe outside, making sure not to make any noise so as to not wake your parents. 

and just like he said, heeseung was outside, waiting in his beat up cadillac. the low rumbling of his car gets louder as you approach and when you’re close enough, you can see heeseung’s eyes light up when you come into his vision. 

he reaches over to unlock your side of the door and it makes a squeaking sound when you pull it open, “hey..” he says, just above a whisper. something felt different about heeseung and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. you weren’t sure if it was because he may have felt guilty for how he treated you in front of those boys or if he truly missed being around you. when you take the seat next to him, he’s quick to grab your hand and place a kiss on your knuckles. his lips staying on your skin for a bit longer like he’s been away from you for too long. 

“hee- i missed you so much.” heeseung says before you could get anything out, continuing to pepper kisses across your arm. the moisture from his lips leave goosebumps rising on your body quicker than you can react to heeseung’s actions. 

he was indulging in you and although you wanted to talk and give him a piece of your brain, the feeling of him on your skin feels a little too good– clearing your thoughts instantly. 

“c’mere.” heeseung says against your skin, pulling you forward and onto his lap. his lips move from your arms to your neck– something that you know better than to keep exposed. you should be afraid of heeseung was going to leave marks but you didn’t care. the kisses burned as he left small wet spots on your neck. you missed this. 

being so close to heeseung and having his body against yours. 

the only thing in your mind was heeseung. 

when he pulled away from your neck to look into your eyes, there was an unspoken conversation happening between the two of you– an agreement that felt like you were able to connect with one another just through a simple gaze. 

heeseung’s hands travel through the flats and curves of your body, over your sweater, and onto the back of your neck. he pulls you forward with ease and for the first time in a while– heeseung presses your lips against his. the electricity that shoots through your body is enough to power a whole town. 

you get lost in the kiss, hands roaming across your body as you place yours on his chest and shoulder for support. the feeling of his hands ghosting over the hem of your sweater and making it’s way under the 2 layers of fabric covering your body. 

right now, your brain, veins, and heart are filled with heeseung. 

and you were content with that. 

the following few weeks after the night with heeseung in his car was filled with sunshine and rainbows. as cliche as it sounded, you were in heaven whenever you were with heeseung, your lips were always formed into a smile and your cheeks always ached from how much he made you laugh. 

you didn’t think life could get any better when you had heeseung by your side and you were so happy to have finally let go of the fear and sharing that moment with heeseung. you trusted him and although there was a low rumbling from inside your chest, you knew that it was just your heart getting used to the new yet exciting experiences that heeseung brought to you. 

tonight would be another one of those nights and you were at a party with heeseung. you had soon learned those boys from the garden that day were his friends jake, who you knew, and jay and sunghoon. you were cordial with them but didn’t bother to get to know them because heeseung always kept quite the short leash on you. 

heeseung didn’t like when you were too far away from him and he made sure to keep you near at all times, except for right now. 

you were making your way through the crowded house of people dancing and drinking to get to heeseung who was patiently waiting for you to return with more alcohol. you had grown quite the habit of drinking and partying when you were with heeseung but you didn’t mind because he taught you to have fun and indulge in these kinds of things. 

when you return to the living room, where you last saw him, you’re stopped in your tracks when you spot heeseung with a girl you didn’t recognize. you weren’t the type to get jealous, at least you didn’t think so, but his hands were dangerously low on her hips and his thumb rubbed circles on the exposed parts of her waist. 

it infuriated you to see him like this and even more at the fact that you weren’t even gone very long and he’s already found some other girl to keep his body warm. warmth was an understatement when describing the fire inside of you now. 

you were furious. 

you stomped towards heeseung and the unknown girl, eyes like daggers as you got closer, and before you could think– the contents of the cups in your hand emptied on both heeseung and the girl. gasps fill the room as the cold liquid makes contact with the girl and those close enough to feel the small fraction of anger inside of you. 

“what the fuck, yn?” heeseung exhales with disbelief. 

you just stare at him, lips pressed into a thin line and arms crossed, head tilted to one side as if you were challenging him. this made heeseung angry even though you were the only person who had every right to be upset right now.  

heeseung roughly grabs your arm, in contrast to the usual gentleness that you were familiar with when it comes to heeseung, and he’s dragging you to a random room on the second floor of the house. you did your best to root your feet into the ground but heeseung’s strength easily overtakes yours as he pulls you into an unfamiliar bathroom. 

“what’s gotten into you, huh?” frustration is clear in his tone. 

he looks at you with sharp eyes, so piercing you couldn’t bear to look into them so your eyes travel along his face. the usual softness of his features disappear due to his anger; his jaw is clenched and the vein on his neck is starting to make an appearance. you scoff in response, not bothering to give him a proper response because he should know exactly what’s gotten you so upset. 

“you wanna act like this?” he was testing you, trying to push you to keep going because he knew that in the end you’d submit to him. his eyes were boring into your face, you could feel the heat on your skin from the alcohol but mostly from the intensity radiating off of heeseung. you had never seen him this upset before and in any other situation maybe you would’ve already apologized; but he was flirting with some random girl at a party that he took you to so you had every right to be angry. 

he was lucky you didn’t do more than just spill some drinks on them. 

“don’t act like i’m being like this out of nowhere, you were practically pushed up on that girl like some needy victorian man.” you huffed, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms. you had never been this way with heeseung. everything is usually so sweet and soft– but in this moment; you’re brought back to all of the times where he’s pulled you to different ends. 

sure, heeseung introduced you to so many joyful things that felt like heaven. things that made you feel so alive and have something to look forward to; he opened your eyes to all of the things you had been missing out on and he brought out a side of you that you never knew lived in the depths of your soul. 

in a lot of ways, he made you the way you are now. 

as often as heeseung showed you heaven, like clockwork, he showed you hell. 

the happy and bright moments shared with heeseung were always followed with a type of low that felt like your body was plummeting through the earth’s crust and sending you to the heated core of the planet. 

like he was able to bring heaven and hell to you at the snap of his fingers. 

“is that what this is about?”

it earns him another scoff. heeseung had a habit of dodging accountability, like when he had promised to take you to the fair during summer because you had been wanting to go and it would be ending soon and the day that you were supposed to go, the last day of the fair being in town, heeseung ghosted you. 

something about how he was caught up with something and when you told him that a simple text would’ve been fine but instead he left you hanging the whole day, he got angry. he accused you of not being considerate of him and how you were so demanding, making you question your actions toward him. forcing you to believe that you were the one in the wrong in the situation and you should be more grateful to have him by your side. 

“you’re jealous over some girl? i don’t even fucking know her name!” 

“and yet you had your hands around her waist, heeseung don’t try to fool me. i know what i saw.” 

heeseung wipes his face in annoyance, small droplets of alcohol flying off of him when he swipes his hand. the argument goes on for what seems like hours. that tiny bathroom at this party was able to block out anything and everything that wasn’t on your side of the wooden door. heeseung had never yelled at you this way and you hadn’t ever spoken in that way before so you sounded unfamiliar to yourself. 

you couldn’t even recognize yourself anymore. the mirror behind heeseung casting your reflection that was slightly obstructed by his broad shoulders. 

your skin was dull and sunken in areas that casted a large shadow. your eyes didn’t sparkle the way they used to and it felt like you were withering away. like your body was showing you the consequences of your actions by turning you into someone you didn’t recognize. 

maybe that was why heeseung was with another girl. 

you weren’t as beautiful as you were the day he first laid eyes on you. 

heeseung was in the middle of ranting and letting his frustration out but you had long drowned him out. your reflection in the mirror garnering all of your attention and before you could let that unsettling feeling sink into your chest, you turn on your feet and exit the bathroom, leaving heeseung stunned by your actions. alone in that bathroom that was starting to suffocate you. 

you ran out of the house before heeseung could follow you, not wanting to give him a chance to catch up, so you push through the endless crowds of people who know nothing of the chaos brewing inside of you. 

the night was still when you stepped outside, like all of the events happening in this tiny house was suddenly gone and it was just you and the dark of night. 

the walk home was long but you weren’t completely alone. 

you had your thoughts to accompany you. your thoughts that continued to spin like a spindle and weave your thoughts into something destructive. spiraling your mind with each step you took that brought you further from heeseung and closer to the comfort of your bed. 

maybe you deserved this. you knew all too well all of the sinful things that you’ve committed since meeting heeseung and he only encouraged them. it was ironic that the two of you first met at church and you hadn’t even attended sunday mass for the last month or so. it was like you were losing track of time and had to rely on heeseung solely to guide you through this land. 

but here you were now, walking through the streets at night, like a mindless zombie yet you were so absorbed with the countless things swimming in your brain. several thoughts overlapping with one another, anxiety guiding the thoughts to the front of your head and dread holding them firm. 

the black ink of the ivory pages told you of this. 

that temptation and desire worked hand in hand in corrupting the least suspecting people. 

heeseung came to you in a time of your life where you had nothing. your life wasn’t bad nor was it good, you were merely just living to live and it showed in your everyday routine. heeseung came to you as something you didn’t know you even desired to have. 

you didn’t realize you were crying until a gust of wind blew past you and you felt the chilling sensation of moisture on your cheeks. you wipe your tears away with a sniffle and see the back of your hand was now covered in runny mascara. 

was it always going to be like this with heeseung? 

you were exhausted and you didn’t know if you could get through it. heaven was so close when you were with heeseung but hell was always in the shadows. he knew how to bring the best things in life to you but it was like he knew how to break you just as well. 

the more you realized you didn’t recognize yourself anymore, the more apparent it became that all of these unfamiliar things were laced with heeseung’s temptation and desire for you. he introduced you to your first taste of temptation when he reached his hand out for yours and promised that what he had planned for you would be something you’d grow addicted to. 

heeseung was your temptation and your desire was infecting your mind and soul. 

you had been walking for so long yet home still feels so far away. as you pass a small field, a singular tree at the center of the field calls out to you, like a siren’s melody luring in a fisherman. you find yourself resting at the tree, a sense of deja vu washing over you when you feel the jagged exterior of the tree’s bark. 

when your head falls back onto the wood, an apple falls into your lap, slightly startling you. 

you look at the apple with confusion as it lays in your hands, turning it over and dropping it with a gasp when you see the underside of the apple has begun to rot. a caterpillar burrowing through the apple and taking it all for itself. the caterpillars' desires are tempted by the sweet and addictive taste of the apple. 

a low hissing noise circles you, unsure of where the noise is coming from, you try your best to find where it’s coming from but with the current state of your body and mind paired with the darkness of night makes it difficult to see anything that wasn’t right in front of you. 

in the shadows, not too far away– a green snake stalks your body. eyes red and fiery with dark elliptical pupils down the center. waiting for the right time to mark you as his. 

ᡣ•.•𐭩♡ @pagemiah @jiiyen @jnysaln @xh01bri @rairaiblog @laurradoesloveu @manaah02 @zorange13 @firstclassjaylee @kristynaaah @17ericas @heeseung64 @leipforggy @enhastolemyheart @starcandybby @bussolares @lovelymelon

copyright 2025 - present © hoonieyun all rights reserved all writing here is fiction & not in any association with characters mentioned. if you enjoyed reading this please consider reblogging and following <3

[altarfates]

i think i've been sad for a while and it's definitely better now but it's still like ??

[phobiaexists]

hii, Big fan of ur AN Other AU and your designs in general (The butch Jane in me compliments the butch Jane in you) so hmm, I may or may not have made some sketchs with ur designs while I was studying anatomy, they look silly I'm afraid.

I wanted to make a silly contrast between them, John suppose to give a more softer prey (omg references) look while Jane is a more of an apex hunter. Jane has more muscle mass than John and overall a sharper demeanor and a shady look, ik she's pratically a sniper but at somepoint she has to throw hands with someone (and she's good at it.) she's pretty much battle scarred bcuz hmm fights hmm

John still extremely strong, however, that fact get overshadowed because he looks crazy soft (that's also servers as contrast between OG John and AU John, too. prey animal and apex predator and all 🫡) he's slightly paler than Jane bcuz hmm eye injury me thinks (and bcuz he's a nerd)

I also tried to make a small cute art of them snuggling (would never happen ❤️... mean like probably)

pretty much inspired by that ask u said he likes to appear small near Jane, yes he's idk 6'3 or smt on AN Other but do we care???? no. anyways, I am allowed to be delulu and make a whole ahh scenario where Jane breaks free from that whole stinky illusion or I'm supposed to suffer? (bonus doodles bcuz hihi)

sorry if the ask looks invasive, didn't meant to do it aaaoorghh my brain is like... melting rn, again sorry 😔

OH MY GOD.

THIS IS THE MOST ABSOLUTE FUCKING THING TO WAKE UP TO OH MY FUCKING GOD? JANE DOE IM. JANE DOE IM GAY AS HELL. JANE. JANEEEEEE 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

OHFHVHRHCHRHC OHHHH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR ENJOY MY AN OTHER AU AWAWAWAAAAAAA DJDJDJDJDJ 💖💖💖💖💖 I LOVE HOW YOU DREW JANE AND JOHN HGNVHFHCHFH are those bullet wound scars on the prey animalll GWAAA YOURE RIGHT FOR THAT GEHDGDGDGRVD

Jane with facial and bodily scars and with grey streaks in her hair yes yes YES THATS HER THATS MI AMOR CBFGXGRGGDRVRGHRG 💖💖💖

You’re like the second person I’ve received fanart of my own designs/interpretations from and it already just. It already makes me so, so, so fucking happy seeing my own John design be drawn every time because I know it’s meant to be specifically my take on him when the dotted patterns and scales in his corruption are included and especially when his gills are drawn and especially since AN Other!John exclusively has the eye patterns in his corruption and and and HNFHXHRGRGRGRGGRRHFHCRGR

THE ART OF THEM SNUGGLING OHHHH MY GODDDDDD I LOVE YOUR RENDERING AND THE DOODLES ARE SO CUTE EHHXHDHXHRBD every time someone draws Jane with a gun I feel so much absolute rabid joy. Poor John is not getting his survivor wins with her around and she’s gonna fucking make sure of it when she breaks into one

Don’t worry you guys are allowed to be delulu. I’ll probably join you guys in being delulu eventually as well when I get that AN Other!Jane design actually going. Brain keeps juggling between regular John and Jane, AN Other AU John and Jane, and Gasharpoon John but currently Gasharpoon John fixation is strongest but again my brain likes to juggle things HDHSJEHDH

[lily-claw]

lmao you telling me you are not going to read all of that and keep changing your reblog every minute😭😭 I would love to guess why but then, I would actually get rude🤡🤡

I dont care if you forgive me or not, i apologized bc i thought i hurt your feelings since you took my post too personally. I tried to explain things and also asked you how did you read the post to understand you more but you still arent actually explain anything and keep saying i am disrespectful🤔 how?

I am actually asking how i am disrespectful and you are just bragging about it without making me understand anything. If you still wont explain anything at all, wont even try to at least say sorry for the other shippers that you think they dont respect you which is sus and also acceptable if you act with everyone like that, then dont try to gain any of people's respect. I am already telling i will take the tag out of there if any izuocha shippers give me an actual reason and unlike you, i know how to apologize. I even asked a friend of mine that ships izuocha more than me so i can act more rational.

This isnt a pissing contest, it is not about who is more disrespectful or not. Im already asking what did i do that was so rude to understand better so i don think that i acted like a victim. If you will be disrespectful, then you gotta apologize or just dont even try to interact bud bc you really dont act like you know how to reply or read more than a few words. If you are going to reply this like the prev ones, im sorry but i wont try to understand you anymore because you dont help me to understand it.

The fact that noguchi cencored this bc he thought its sensitive... Guys, I think he is trying to cope while being known as Horikoshi's assistant.

It looks like that meme where deku asks "does your gf has to be here?" and uraraka responds as "does yours?" lmao I can't take this seriously...

[sparrows4bats]

So I saw another edit of Jondami and Would you Fall in Love with Me Again from EPIC the Musical and I have gone down the rabbit hole and may never resurface. (I am obsessed with musicals and world mythos, and this is hitting all of my special interests at once) I know other people have done their versions of this, so this is mine.

What if when Jon goes to space, there isn't a dimensional time difference? What if each second of those six years of absence is felt by those who love him?

They all search for Superboy, tirelessly, relentlessly, but they can't find him. The Justice League, the Green Lantern Corp, and every ally they have ever made across space and time look for a child lost in the stars. And they all fail.

Clark never stops searching even though they all beg him to.

Lois mourns but still prepares for her son's return.

Konner and Kara pick up what is left behind because the world didn't stop needing their help when Jonathan Kent dissappears, but they ache in their grief.

Damian just stops.

After six months go by with no news, he gets desperate, studies magic and science for a way to bring his best friend home. It never works, and every empty lead and false hope breaks him.

So Damian searches and waits.

He joins Clark on his search in any way he is able, defying his father. He stays with Lois when Superman travels too far for him to follow. He sits in Jons kitchen and eats at his table consumed with longing.

When Clark comes home empty-handed each time, Damian holds them both as they cry in his too small arms. Lois and Clark thank him every time. Look at Damian and see a boy who believes just as much as they do that Jon lives still, that he will be back, that misses him.

All three hope.

Jon didn't plan to be gone long, didn't leave purposefully, or give any of them momentos. Everything he ever owned looks as he left it, ready for when he returns. His books, his clothes, his unmade bed.

Damian doesn't try to return to normalcy without Jon at his side.

Even when his father threatens to take Robin from him if he does not return to Gotham, Damian just rips the symbol from his chest and leaves the cave. What is the point of being a hero without Jon beside him? They promised they would do that together, and Damian would not betray him.

The rest of the batfamily try to encourage him to take a new name, a new team, or make new friends, but Damian refuses every attempt. He will do those things with Jon when he returns, not a second sooner.

When Bruce tells him he is waiting on a ghost, Damian feels his heart break, and he leaves permanently. Jon wouldn't be welcome in Gotham, anyway. Not with the no meta rule.

Lois and Clark take him in. So Lois is never alone, and they can wait together.

Clark refuses to give Damian back to Bruce. Damian asked to stay, and Clark will be damned if ever lets a child leave again if they dont want to. Bruce loses his temper and accuses him of using Damian to replace his dead son. Batman and Superman don't speak to each other again for a long time.

Talia, surprisingly, gives them temporary custody. She understands Damians longing and will never forsake any part of him he inherited from her.

Nightwing and the others visit the Kent house weekly and accept that Damian will not leave. They learn to be a better sort of family, loving their brother and starting to hope again for his sake. All of the bats, besides Bruce, have dinner with Lois and Clark twice a month. The seat beside Damian is always left empty.

Damians pets join him at Kent Farm, and Damian can't help but greive because this is the future he and Jon used to joke about under their covers during sleepovers. They used to imagine living together with as many animals as they wanted and building somewhere safe to come home to.

At least Damian can have one of Jons dreams waiting for him.

He never mentions how Jon used to joke about marrying him one day, a childish proposal sealed in a pinky promise while Damian rolled his eyes. He remembers the way Jon pecked his lips afterwards. The memories burn now.

Damian realised long ago that he is in love with Jon. He will tell him one day.

After some time, Lois encourages him to go back to school. When she sees how bored he is, she gets him placement tests, and when he tests out, she sets him up at an online university. He accomplishes degree after degree and starts to help Lois with her research. They take down several corrupt labs and corporations together.

Damian goes to med school after seeing how many die without proper care while working with Lois. Damian hopes that Jon will be proud of him for still saving people, even if it's different without him.

They all still search. They all still cry when they find nothing. They all still wait.

Then one day, Jonathan Kent returns.

The Watchtower picks him up, and Dick calls them as soon as it happens. Lois and Damian are home at the time and rush to the Zeta tube with a desperate speed.

Clark is already waiting for them when they arrive.

They walk, the three of them, on shaky legs, holding their breath.

When Damian opens the door, he can't believe his eyes.

"Jon."

The man turns, and Damian freezes, beside him Lois sobs.

He is taller, Damian, despite his growth spurt still has to look up at him. His hair is longer, his black curls almost in his eyes. He has lost his baby fat and instead grown broader and more defined. There is a scar on his jaw and Damian dreads to think how he got it. His eyes, though, are the same bright blue, tired and heavy as they look.

Clark and Lois embrace their son falling to their knees, but Damian stays back until they are done.

Jon hugs his parents tightly, and when they come back to reality, Lois whispers in his ear too softly for Damian to hear, but Clark smiles at them and turns to look at Damian.

Then, Jon breaks the hug and walks towards him.

"Damian." He says as he reaches for him, voice so full of emotion that Damian wants to cry.

"Is it you? Is it really you, habibi?"

"I'm not the same as I was, I don't think I could ever be. With everything I've seen and everything I've done." Jon starts hesitantly.

"I killed, I hurt people, I tricked, I manipulated, I did everything I could to come back home, to come back to you." He admits. Jon looks away in shame, and Damian can't bear it. "I'm not what you were expecting."

He closes the distance and grabs Jons face.

"I don't care!"

"But-"

"No, you remember what you promised me?!" Damian demands.

"Of course! That we'd be heroes together."

"And?"

Jon blushes. "And that I'd build you a farm, give you a safe place to come home to." He swallows nervously, "That I would marry you one day."

Damian smiles so wide, uncaring of the tears running down his face. "I have waited for six years in your house, on our farm for my future husband."

Jon gasps, but Damian continues.

"I love you, Jonathan Kent, I don't care what you have done or will do. I don't care if you're different, grown, or anything else. You are mine."

Damian takes a breath and stares into his eyes. "In this life and the next, I will always wait for you. I dont care how long or what you had to do. You came back to me, and that is all that is important."

Jonathan closes the distance between them and kisses him, pouring passion, desperation, and astonishing love into it.

When he draws back, he whispers against his lips desperately, "Always, my love. I love you, I love you so much. I will do anything to bring me back to you, oh god. Damian."

Damian feels something unwind in his chest and pulls Jon closer still. They'd never let go of each other again. Here, in Jon's arms, Damian felt whole for the first time in years.

"I missed you every moment," Jon says finally.

"Me too."

[elswhore]

hey gorg! congrats on the 2,000!! you deserve it. i was wondering if you could per chance do a angst to fluff with prompt 7? with ju, maybe someone was sending mixed signals and and they get in a lil argument but work things out.

(i’m so sorry this is long i wasn’t sure how to explain it🙃)

prompt 7 "tell me what you want" ── angst to fluff.

thank you so muchh!. sorry i dont get it.. but i tried hope i did wrote it right. (btw i loved writing this)

you paced the living room, your phone clutched tightly in your hand, replaying the last few weeks in your mind, juju’s laugh, her teasing smirks, the way her hand lingered on your arm a little too long moments that felt like promises.

but then there were the days she’d pull back, her texts short and distant, her eyes avoiding yours when you tried to get closer, the mixed signals were driving you up the wall, and you were done, the front door clicked open, and juju stepped inside, her dark hair loose around her shoulders, her gym bag slung over one arm.

she looked at you, her brows lifting slightly at the tension radiating off you. “hey,” she said, her voice casual, like she hadn’t noticed the storm brewing in your eyes. “what’s up?” you stopped pacing, turning to face her, your grip on your phone tightening.

“what’s up?” you echoed, your voice sharp with the frustration you’d been bottling for weeks. “juju, I’m so fucking tired of this, one day you’re all over me, flirting, acting like you want something real, and the next you’re cold, like i’m just some friend you barely care about, do you even know how confusing that is?”

juju’s expression faltered, her bag sliding off her shoulder to the floor as she straightened, her eyes locking onto yours. “what are you talking about?” she asked, but there was a defensive edge to her voice, like she was bracing for a fight. “don’t play dumb,” you snapped, stepping closer, your emotions spilling over.

“you know exactly what i mean, you’ll text me at midnight, saying shit that makes my heart race, then ghost me for two days, you’ll hug me like you never want to let go, then act like it’s nothing when i try to talk about us, i can’t keep doing this, juju. i’m not some game you can pick up and drop whenever you feel like it.”

your voice cracked on the last sentence, and you hated how vulnerable it made you sound, but you couldn’t stop now. “i like you, okay? i’ve liked you for so long, and i thought—i thought you felt something too, but if you don’t, just say it, stop stringing me along, because i can’t take it anymore.”

the room fell silent, the weight of your words hanging between you, juju’s face softened, the defensiveness melting away as she took in your trembling hands, the raw hurt in your eyes, she stepped forward, closing the distance, but you took a step back, shaking your head.

“don’t,” you said, your voice quieter now, but firm. “eon’t just hug me or say something cute to smooth this over, need to know where you stand.” juju stopped, her hands falling to her sides, for a moment, she looked lost, her usual confidence replaced by something softer, almost uncertain.

“I’m sorry,” she said finally, her voice low, genuine. “i didn’t mean to mess with your head, i just… i’m not good at this.” you frowned, crossing your arms, still guarded. “good at what? being honest? caring about someone?”

“no,” she said quickly, her eyes searching yours. “figuring out how to let myself want this, want you, without freaking out..i know i've been all over the place, and that’s on me, i get close, and then i pull back because… i don’t know, i’m scared of screwing it up..but i do care, i care so much it fucks me up sometimes.”

her words hit you hard, unraveling some of the anger but leaving the hurt behind, you swallowed, your throat tight. “then why can’t you just show it? why do i have to feel like i'm chasing you all the time?”juju’s shoulders sagged, and she ran a hand through her hair, exhaling shakily.

“because i’m an idiot,” she admitted, a small, self deprecating smile tugging at her lips. “and because i’ve never felt like this before, not this much, i keep thinking if i hold back, i’ll protect myself or whatever, but all i’m doing is hurting you, nd i hate that.” ehe stepped closer again, and this time you didn’t pull away.

her hands hovered near your arms, hesitant, like she was waiting for permission. “tell me what you want,” she said softly, her voice raw, her eyes pleading. “i don’t want to lose you, i just need to know how to fix this.” your heart ached at the vulnerability in her voice, the way she was laying herself bare for the first time.

you took a shaky breath, your anger softening as you looked at her, really looked at her, and saw the sincerity in her eyes. “i want you to stop running,” you said, your voice quiet but steady. “i want you to be real with me, even if it’ messy, if you’re scared, say it, if you want me, show it, just… be here. with me.”

juju nodded, her eyes glistening slightly as she closed the gap, her hands finally settling gently on your arms. “i’m here,” she whispered, her thumbs brushing soft circles against your skin.

[separatetheyolk]

I need need neeeeeed headcanons of a trans!reader and Lewis Hamilton featuring Isack Hadjar, they’re little selfie moment is living rent free in my head rn

Lewis Hamilton X Trans!Driver!Reader

ʚɞfeaturing: Lewis Hamilton & Isack Hadjar

ʚɞ Trans!Driver!Reader headcannons

ʚɞ contents: mentions of needles, surgery, media, dysphoria obvs

ʚɞ word count: 1,135

ʚɞ note: trans man reader intended. He/him pronouns used.

✰ Coming out:

He was a little blind sighted at first

Initially, you took that as he was against the whole thing

He quickly cleared that up

If over text/phone call, he'd go over the very basics with you. Name, pronouns, if there were any plans on coming out publicly, who knew, how should he address you to others, that kinda thing

He'd save the more in depth topics to talk about in person. Whether that would be in a few hours or a few weeks

Transition goals, coming out to the public/family/friends if you haven't by the time he's home, things he can do to make your life easier, how he should address transphobia, so on so forth

This man would RESEARCH

Like im talking what would usually be a minimalist phone/laptop with about 4 tabs open at any one time would turn into an absolute shambles of about thrity tabs and 4 separate notes

Would absolutely buy a new notebook JUST for writing down what he's learnt

If you learnt about this he would turn into a blushing, stuttering mess

Would absolutely help you come out to the rest of the drivers/crews if you needed. Would tell them for you if you decide that's best

Would absolutely drive home his support for the LGBT community, support/fund charities, create spaces for them in racing, stand out against injustices

✰ Transition:

The first thing that would be discussed in regards to your transition would be what would you want done

He'd make a list

Though obviously would leave it open for you to add or take away things

Take things at your pace

With your permission, he'd probably take care of the forms side of things such as name changes, gender markers, new passports, visas, paddock passes

Would help you to plan your transition around the F1 seasons

For the sake of easiness on my part we'll say you want top surgery and testoseterone a short haircut and all the things that come with a social transition

Would help you find a barber you like and would make sure they're LGBT friendly and do home visits. Partly for your comfortablility with not wanting to be stared at by other clients but also because media, fans, photos, big nono

Would help you gain your diagnosis of gender dysphoria

Then would help you with getting testosterone

Obviously, because of going on testosterone, the question of kids/egg freezing would come up

Essentially, it came down to Lewis is 40 now, you're both focusing on careers, but you never know so best to just freeze them. Just incase

If you don't use them? Eh, oh well.

If he's afraid of needles (?? The guy shits himself at the sight of an onion but drives f1 cars and scares tigers so i really dont know?? He also has tattoos? But so do I and i'm still scared of them so??) he'd get over them to help you with T shots

Sit there and massage your thigh if it started to hurt after the shot/if your nerves start to get shot from the injections. Would not stop unless you say your uncomfortable or the pain dies down

Would wait on you hand and foot after your top surgery.

Absolutely advocate for you medically if you needed him to. "He's struggling to keep down food" "He said he's in pain. Can you up the pain medication or no?" "Hey, just calling to ask if we can loosen the bandages at all? He say's the drains feel like they're cutting his skin"

Bad dysphoria day? "Here babe, take my hoodie" "You need some privacy?" "Come on, lets get you away from these cameras" "I know you don't like wearing the race suit but you can't race in your binder" "Lazy day? Sure, we can do that"

If and when you're comfortable, he'd 100% worship your body. He might not 100% understand why you dislike it, but damn he's gonna help you to like it even if it's just for an hour

He'd either stand in front of wind to block it or direct you out the way of it to stop it from showing your waist and chest because he can't have you feeling uncomfortable :(

Just small things like that. Things that most probably wouldn't even think of but he does

✰ Fashion:

He would defo help you explore mens fashion

I mean, this is Sir Lewis Hamilton afterall

He'd keep mental notes of what styles you liked, the different cuts, the fabrics, even ones you'd shown intrest in but too scared to try on

He'd also probably take mental notes of what shirts you liked but didn't want to buy due to lack of top surgery

And then would buy them for you after you've had it and healed

Ofc, lots of baggy clothing and hoodies on standby too

Would probably start wearing them more often for you incase you ever needed it

If he's not wearing one it's probably in a bag

Would teach you how to layer clothes to hide your waist

Notices how your jeans are too long length wise but fit your waist so offers to get them tailored

Quickly learns what colours hide shadows of your chest better

When bad dysphoria days fall on hot days and you're wearing thick clothing, this man is reminding you to drink more than a race engineer

Would sneak off to help you put your binder on before any podium celebrations regardless on weather your up there or not

Because sweaty, binder sticks, get stuck if you attempt to put it on alone

Eventually FIA had to stop fining you for being late after your team and fans threw the word "discrimination" around

Defo have like 5 different binders

✰ Media:

Lewis isn't typically one for confrontation in public. Though would absolutely stand by you in boycotting from races in *cough*certain*cough* countries.

If you're in a photo and you decide you don't like it, photo will immediately be deleted and another will be taken without you in it if thats what you want. Zero questions asked

More recently the selfie with Isack. He knew immediately you hated it. He prompted Isack to delete it then encouraged him to take a new selfie without you in it

He was a little confused

Lewis let you explain in private

Say no more, first photo deleted

Doesn’t take a single "joke" photo of you, doesn’t post any photos online with you in them without your permission. Even if you're barely recognisable in the background and it's on his private accounts

Honestly, Isack would be an absolute sweetheart about it all

Lewis would block you from cameras if needed

Tbh most of the grid would do that

Basically, the guy would be your absolute rock.

[lagooneah]

Behold- Satoru Gojo Relationship Headcanons as promised!!! This might be my first time REALLY writing him, aside from blurbs or whatever, but I hope you all enjoy!

Gojo is TOTALLY the type to publicly catcall you. He'd just keep doing it, unless if you voiced you REALLY didn't like it, then he'll stop. Otherwise? He's going "DAMN GIRL/BOY/(INSERT OTHER IDENTITY HERE)-" as you two walk beside each other and you and everyone around you is confused because "isn't he with them..?"

The type to spontaneously purchase gifts for you, always stuff you like.

He knows the ins and outs of your likes and dislikes- ESPECIALLY with material items.

You can mention that you prefer silver jewelry over gold and he won't STOP getting you any silver jewelry he can find.

The type to randomly transfer you money.

OR, you say youre going out with friends? He's zelled you like, 500 dollars for no reason.

He's not the type to not let you hang out with certain people, sure, he can get jealous, but hes SATORU GOJO.

And he abuses that.

He also simply trusts you a lot- he knows your loyalty to him, and he returns it tenfold.

PLEASE do not come at me saying hes a "player", let's be fr, hes flirty sure, but once hes bagged i just KNOW that he holds on for DEAR LIFE.

Being the strongest means not much personal connections, and if he does make them? They often get killed, or just flat out disappear.

BECAUSE of that, he treats you like glass, sometimes without realizing it.

"Youre going out? Where? Can I come? Dont go alone-" etc, etc.

"Baby, honey, love of my life- you are going to a large CITY that is PRIME TIME for curses, you will NOT be going alone. Let me bother you for this outing."

He's obviously not the type to restrict who you hang out with, HOWEVER, he will not let you go out alone. He's too scared that you'll be taken by a curse, or worse, one of his many enemies will use you against him.

And it would work, cause like I mentioned, he is loyal to the MAX.

He's the type to take you out on some of the most lavish dates you've ever been on.

Like, expensive ass, intimate ass, buy you and outfit for kind of dates.

He reserves days off for you, hes a busy man but one way to get to him is if you admit you miss him.

Then hes RUNNING because he never wants you to know a time without him.

He knows he can be unintentionally neglectful with how busy his schedule is, so when he schedules and off day for himself, that shit STICKS.

Like seriously, he will not reschedule unless if there is an avengers level threat. People have to be in some deep shit for him to go against his word on you.

Despite the typical "clan destinies" Gojo would never attempt to force you into having a family to "continue the clan bloodline".

He's got Yuta if he really needs a continuation- he will NEVER diminish you to "the mother of his heir".

He's also the type to get you so many overbearing and dramatic gifts when he wants you to forgive him.

He'll grovel at your feet in PUBLIC to make a point, I am not kidding.

But on a more serious note, he tries not to make you genuinely mad. Annoyed maybe, but never REALLY mad.

I know that this man gotta be annoyingly clingy too.

He will literally FLOP on top of you where you are to make you cuddle him.

He's also the type to, if you're shorter than him, he not ONLY leans on you intentionally to make you stumble, but he'd probably call you "shorty" on his particularly annoying days.

He'd also do that thing where he's comparing your height with an obnoxious hand gesture, or saying you "might not be tall enough" whenever you two see one of those "this tall to ride!" Signs.

Love Language? Probably Gift Giving and Quality Time. As freaky as he might seem, he values his time with you and what he can get you/what you get him the most.

Also- humor is a huge thing. If you joke around with him, he is literally obsessed with you (somehow more than normal), and you will fail to understand the monster you've created by giving him the ULTIMATE validation to his antics.

As much as he fucks with you, im CONFIDENT that Gojo is a loyal and loving partner. When it's time to get serious, he will, after a joke or two maybe- but he will. YOU are one of his number 1 priorities in life, his partner, his second half. He lost one of his second halves before, and he'll hold onto you extra tight and do more than just hope that he can keep his new other half.

Alright, that's about it for now!!! I likely have more that i just dont have all together rn, but this is what I'll feed the jjk community for now. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!!!