#sds simon

[bara-bean]

Small thing I made last night. Felt like drawing them and I wanted to do it for quite a while. I love Simstaf so much.

[shotmrmiller]

baby calls reader ‘mama’ the first time and reader is immediately like oh my god i’m so sorry simon i swear i didn’t teach her that i know im just the babysitter but simon is just like ‘no it’s fine darling don’t even worry about it’ because he’s been teaching baby to call reader ‘mama’ behind her back the whole time

finds out when johnny drops the baby off like there's mama and you're already trying to stammer out a response but he's not having it. "have a good day, mrs. riley," then looks at the the baby. "be good for yer mama, alrigh'?"

OI.

SIR. SIR COME BACK I HAVE A DATE SIR. CANT TAKE THE BABY WITH ME.

now you're being dragged to a surprisingly nice restaurant by simon because "if ya wanted to go out on a date, coulda jus' say so."

you'd be angry but the wine is $300 a bottle so you guessss you'll stay and enjoy it.

yeah it ends with him covering your mouth while he fucks you into the couch. "gotta keep it quiet unless ya tryna wake our baby."

[scrimblyscrorblo]

• Put Your Make-up On by Simon Curtis

[the-breadgoblin]

I don't think I've ever actually mentioned these two as a pair but Slader and Gowther my beloveds. .. They're in love .....

(old sketch heehoo)

[mellohd]

im so addicted to tomodachi life right now it isnt funny 😓

[ru5t]

not to lean too hard on the available parallels but i've been thinking about how tech Sounds lately and i might be leaning toward saying she sounds. like ash.le.y johnson. although i don't know if i've ever heard her talk fast and i need you to know that's the most important part, the part where tech can and will go a mile a minute and also all the words runtogetherifshe'safraidofsayingthingsorshe'sjustreallyreallyexcited

[stray-cat-with-internet-access]

Simon jerking off to an old video of yours

He scolded you when you decided to keep the video saved, gave you the cyber security talk and stuff, but he secretly copied it in an SD for his burner phone.

Now that he is miles away from you, surrounded by dirt and sweaty men in the mist of deployment, your video is the only thing that brings him joy.

Laying on the tiny bed, the little screen of his phone is the only light in his room. One of his legs is planted on the floor, making leverage to buck his hips in to his hand, currently wrapping around his leaky cock.

His eyes are focused in the phone, panting softly at the pleasure swirling in his gut, happy trail sticky with his need. The thought that he fucked you so good you decided to even recorded the whole thing for posterity make his pace quicken, finally milking his orgasm at the point of overstimulation, all body covered in sweat and his belly in cum.

Now don't get him wrong, he still is very serious about cyber security, is just that he is better at managing it than you, love.

Sorry if I had mistakes! English is not my first language and Im an insomniac Dividers are from @animatedglittergraphics-n-more Image edited by me Comments and reblogs are always appreciated ♡

[moody-alcoholic]

Chapter 1 - The Job.

I just don't know when to stop, if I don't have like 20 projects going at once I get bored. I waited until I had a name though, no longer will I be titling everything 'untitled XYZ fic. It was actually my fiancée who came up with the name.

Work summary: 141 retired and decided to open a delivery company. Only it's not a delivery company, it's a cover for less legal practices. Need a creepy stalker out your life? Someone owes you money? You need to disappear to a new life? Special Delivery Service has got you covered, for a reasonable fee.

Chapter Summary: 5.5k words, Simon x reader, female reader, name used: Dani (this is just personal preference, I don't like using Y/N.) You accept a job offer to work as an office admin for a commercial delivery company. Only the job is not quite as it seems and you come to learn neither are the people you work for.

CW: mentions of abusive ex, alcohol, language, flashbacks of domestic abuse.

masterlist - next

AO3 link

Enjoy <3

You see the job listing towards the bottom of the page: 

Office admin wanted! To start immediately. MUST have a background in logistics.  Send CV to: Price@SDS.co.uk Competitive salary. 

It was short, sweet, to the point and the most promising job posting you had seen all day. You had a background in logistics, you’d just spent the last 3 years working as a supply chain manager. Mainly it was just organising warehouse deliveries but it was experience none the less. You copy the e-mail and send the CV, with a job posting like this you didn’t expect to hear a response back for a few days.

It was already 8pm you’d been applying for jobs all day. You decided to give up for tonight, the sofa and the TV were calling you. You head into the kitchen rummaging through the fridge to see what sad meal you would cook up tonight. You pull out a box of Chinese leftovers, they still smell good. You tip them on a plate throwing it in the microwave as you pour yourself a glass of wine. Turning the TV on channel surfing when your phone starts ringing, you go to pick it up. It’s not a number you know but you swallow your nerves accepting it in case it’s about a job. 

“Hello?” You say.

“Hello is this Dani” A male voice comes through the other end.

“Yeah,” You reply feeling nervous all of a sudden, you sip the wine. 

“You applied for the office admin job?” The voice says back. You have to think for a second, he can’t mean the job you literally applied for less then 10 minutes ago. You look back over at the laptop screen the e-mail still open.

“Hello?” the voice says.

“Yes, sorry yeah, wow I didn’t expect to hear back so quickly.”

“Yeah, we need someone to start immediately, can you come down for an interview tomorrow?” 

“Sure what time?” You ask, you need this job, you need to get back on your feet. 

“I’ll message you the time, and the address.” He says, you hear noise in the background sounds like a door slamming.

“Thank you,” you say as you hear the microwave beep. 

“No problem, see you tomorrow.” He says and hangs up the phone. You take your food out the microwave and flop down on the sofa tuning into whatever soap was playing on the TV. You’re halfway through your food when you get a text with the address and a time. 10am. You copy the address and put it into google, now is a better time then ever to find out about this company. Special Delivery Service, SDS, you don’t know why that makes you chuckle, it makes you think of DFS, the sofa company. The address is close by only a few streets actually, you could walk there in about 20 minutes, that’s convenient at least. From the looks of the website it’s a commercial delivery company. ‘Discretion is our specialty’ it says as you continue reading, there is not much info just how to contact them for a quote. The pictures are mainly stock images bar the logo.

You’d never heard of them before but it’s not exactly like you’re in the market for commercial deliveries, it has good ratings though, that means something. You throw the phone to the side turning back to the TV. This was good, this is a good start it’s what you need to move on, maybe even a fresh start. It feels like the right time, newly out of toxic relationship, made redundant, all in less then a month.

Maybe you could use a nice change of pace, or maybe you would go to the interview tomorrow and it will be a complete waste of time. Either way it’s a step in the right direction and at least your mum will be happy you’ve found a job, you’re pretty sure she was dreading the thought of having to financially support you until you were back on your feet. Now you were definitely hoping the interview would will go well, the thought of having to rely on your mother to support you was the worst. You would rather ask your ex, Lord knows he owes you one. You finish the food and lounge around watching TV until you start to dose off. You peal yourself off the couch heading into bed, a good nights rest will do you good, besides you want to make a good impression tomorrow. 

—————————— 

You get to the building early, it’s sunny weather for once and you can see the large doors to the building flung open. You peak in and see delivery vans, the whole place looks like it was an ex-mechanic shop. A figure catches the corner of your eye, he’s talking to another man walking across the floor, you can’t hear what they’re saying but the shorter man seems enthusiastic about something. Before you can get a better look they disappear out of your line of sight. You look over to what you assume is the customer entrance, and walk in. There is a man sat behind the counter, he seems distracted by something angrily typing on a computer. He sighs as you reach the desk, his eyes flicking up to you, he scoots back in the chair.

“How can I help?” He asks, his demeanour changing, he’s got a nice smile. 

“I’m here for an interview,” You say suddenly feeling nervous. He nods getting up.

“Yeah of course, come through.” He says opening a hidden door in the counter and you walk though. He leads you through to the main room it still smells of fuel, this place definitely used to be a mechanic shop, you can see the covered up pits on the floor where they would access under the cars.

Your attention is drawn to the sound of laughing and you see the two men from earlier stood round a coffee machine. The taller man has his back turned to you while the shorter man is chuckling, hitting the taller man on the back. His eyes move to you, he’s fit, well built, tanned skin, he runs his hand through his slick mohawk, you could have swore he just winked at you. You turn your attention back to the man leading you as you reach a metal staircase.

The second floor-if you can even call it that-is furnished with sofa’s and a kitchenette, you can see a dart board and what looks like a pool table. Looks like a cool place to hangout. You feel bad for not asking the man his name as he leads you an office door. He knocks and you both wait. 

“Come in!” a voice calls, you think you recognise it, its the same person you spoke to on the phone yesterday. The door opens and you walk in. You look at the man sat behind the desk, he looks older then the other people you’ve seen, his beard makes him look older then you suspect for some reason, you can see the bags under his eyes like he could do with long nap.

“Thanks Kyle,” He says as you walk in. Okay, his name was Kyle you’d have to remember that. He nods leaving the room closing the door behind you. The man behind the desk gets up as you walk over to him. He comes round putting his hand out for you to shake it.

“John Price,” he says as he nods at you smiling. You nod back.

“Sit please, coffee? Tea?” He gestures to the chair and walks back round the desk. 

“I’m fine, thank you.” You look up at him smiling as you sit down. His office walls are massive windows looking down on the room below you can see people moving around now opening the back of the vans. You look back up at him as he takes a paper in his hand. 

“3 years as a supply chain manager, studied business in college, pretty impressive.” He says putting the paper back down. 

“Thank you,” you say, not that it’s really that impressive the only reason you did a business course was to make your parents happy. You had no idea what you wanted to do when you finished secondary school. 

“So do you have any experience in warehouse management?” He asks leaning forward on the desk. 

“Well at my last job towards the end, there was a lot of inventory organisation and I was pretty much left in charge of clearing the whole place out before the business went under.” You say, you’re not sure if that’s what he’s expecting, to be honest with the little research you managed to do and the vague job posting you were not sure what to expect. 

“The jobs pretty simple. There are three main aspects, the first is the most important; the clients send us a list of good they need transporting, it’ll be your job to assign it to a driver then create the invoices, paperwork, the system is already pretty automatic. A lot of it is just data entry if I’m being honest.” You smile at him as he continues, so far it seems like a pretty easy job. 

“The second part is when a client sends a special request, the system is not set up to handle them yet so they can come through as errors, with just an e-mail address attached. If you can assign them to someone great if not forward them on to me. The system will let you know if a driver has available delivery slots.” You nod as he finishes, you could handle this, data entry, assigning jobs to people, easy. 

“Sounds good so far.” You reply. He nods. 

“The last part is just your general office admin work, you’ll man the front desk, answer the phone, the boys will tell you if they need supplies ordering that kind of stuff. The hours are standard 9 to 5, 5 days a week, we’re closed Saturday Sunday.” He says spinning round in his chair and taking some paper from the printer. 

“I live close by actually it’s really convenient.” You say. 

“That’s nice, if you want the job I have a contract ready, you can start tomorrow then you’ll have the weekend off.” He says spinning back round straightening the paper out. That’s sudden, the job did say start immediately though, and you really need this job. 

“Of course, that’s great.” You say smiling, hoping he can’t see your hesitation. He pushes the stack of papers towards you, you flick through the first few pages of standard workers rights. 

“You’ll get 2 weeks paid vacation a year, sick leave and maternity leave should you need it kick in after a month of probation.” He explains, pretty standard. You flick through it to the end page with the salary break down. Holy shit! 

“The job requires a certain level of…Discretion.” He explains. “You’re compensated for the inconvenience.” 

“What like I can’t tell people were I work?” You ask confused. He looks at you like he’s trying to think of what to say. 

“We have clients who expect their information to be handled, appropriately. On top of that some of your colleagues like to keep their work and home life separate.” He says eventually, you frown. That’s strange and he didn’t answer your question. You nod like you understand though, regardless you’ll take the 'hush money.' Especially since you’ll be making more then you’ve never made for what is basically a data entry job, and maybe having to answer the phone a few times. It almost seems to good to be true. You skim over the rest of the legal jargon and company rules. 

“Any questions?” He asks as you pick up a pen, you shake your head and sign both pieces of the paper, then hand it to him. He smiles signing it too and ripping off one of the pages handing it back to you. 

“One last thing.” He says hesitating for a second. “Do you have a criminal record?” 

“No,” you shake your head. He stands nodding and you get up too, as he walks round the desk, heading for the door to his office and you follow him. 

“I’ll get one of the boys to show you round before you leave.” He says opening the door.

“MacTavish!” He calls as you follow him out the room. You watch as a man appears at the bottom of the steps, it’s the guy from earlier who was laughing. He’s defiantly good looking there’s no denying it. 

“Come show our new recruit around.” He nods coming up the stairs. 

“If you have any questions let me know and I’ll e-mail you a full copy of your contract.” John says as he puts his hand out and you shake it. 

“I will thank you,” you smile and he heads back into his office. 

“John MacTavish!” The man says extending his hand out to you, he’s got an accent for a second you look at him confused.

“Another John?” You ask as you shake his hand. 

“Aye, most people call me Johnny though.” He winks. Now you’re sure he winked at you earlier. He walks round you over to the sofa’s and the pool table. 

“This is where we chill out between deliveries, or just in general. Do you play?” He asks pointing at the pool table. 

“Once or twice, at the pub.” You say. You’re still trying to pin his accent, Welsh or Scottish? You’re too embarrassed to ask. He comes back over to you and you see he’s walking with a limp, it’s especially obvious as you follow him down the steps and he has to grip the banister for support. 

“This is were we load the vans up with anything we need, toilets over there and next to them is the store room.” He says pointing to the rooms directly under the upstairs office. There are metal shelves filled with all different kinds of things from basic office supplies to what looks like medical equipment and machinery. The store room door is the only door you’ve seen with a key-code lock on it, makes sense. There is a long table surrounded by chairs and a projector against a far wall. You look over to see another man sat at the table typing on a laptop. 

“This is Simon, Simon Riley.” Johnny says as he takes you over. He’s wearing a hoodie pulled over his head and a black surgical mask. Maybe he’s a clean freak? Or maybe this was what John meant by ‘Your colleagues like to keep their work and home life separate.’ You extend your hand out too him as you approach. 

“Nice to meet you.” You say, he looks up at you for a second. His eyes are beautiful, a dark caramel, thick eyebrows and you can see strands of blonde hair peaking out from under his hood. He shakes your hand, his grip is firm, you swallow hard. He’s giving off a different vibe then the rest of the people you’ve met so far, you almost want to run away from him. 

“Don’t worry about him he’s always grumpy in the morning.” Johnny says leaning into your ear. Simon rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to typing on the laptop. John, Johnny, Simon and Kyle, you repeat the names in your head so they’re burned into your memory. Johnny continues his tour showing you round the main floor, you were right as he explained the building used to be a mechanics until they took it over. Before that it was an abandoned munitions processing plant from the second world war. The building did look old, stylish red brick, huge arched windows that let in a lot of natural light. The doors were even old on rollers, thick and wooden. The more you looked around the more it reminded you of the old workhouses you’d seen in history books. Johnny leads you through to the lobby, the only part of the building that seems to have been renovated in the last 10 years. 

“This is Kyle Garrick, we call him Gaz.” Johnny says as Kyle stands up and you shake his hand. He’s fit too, dark skinned, short hair and he’s got a lovely smile, London accent you can tell he’s local too. 

“This will be where you work.” Johnny says pulling the chair out. 

“I’m sure Price will give you the rundown tomorrow on how the system works, we’re still working on getting it up and running properly.” Johnny says enthusiastically. You nod looking round at the desk, there is a large printer/photocopier in the corner and a plant that looks like it’s seen better days. At least the computer is up to date and honestly you can work with this. 

“So nervous for your first day?” Johnny asks as Kyle sits back down. 

“Not really.” You say smiling. 

“Good lass, that’s what we like to hear!” Johnny says patting you on the shoulder. Scottish, definitely Scottish. Kyle chuckles as he goes back to typing on the computer. You feel like now is the best time to take your leave. You thank Johnny and tell them both you’ll see them tomorrow. 

“Wait a second lass, here.” Johnny reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a business card.

“Any questions drop me a message.” He smiles. You nod pocketing the card and heading out. You look back at the building as you leave seeing Johnny wave, you wave back awkwardly. Why would anyone care about keeping there home and work life separate when you work for a simple delivery company? You think back to Simon with the mask, maybe he’s just hygienic? Regardless it was a good job, close to home and good pay. You wouldn’t have to rely on your mum or your ex to get you through the month. At least that was a weight off your shoulders.  

—————————— 

Later that evening your mother calls.

“Hey mum.” You say as you reluctantly pick up the call, not really feeling in the mood for her energetic energy, especially after Johnny’s enthusiastic tour.   

“Hey sweetie! I was just thinking about you today and I thought I would call to tell you, Anne from church has a job opening at her son’s restaurant. You know Chris? He works at that nice Italian place, well I said you were looking for a job and Anne said she would put in a good word.” You sigh as you let your mother talk. 

“It’s okay mum I got a job today actually. I went for an interview and they offered me the job on the spot.” You say.

“Oh sweetie that’s amazing where is it?” She asks, you pause, maybe telling your over sharing mother about a job you were warned required discretion was not the best idea. 

“It’s just a small firm in the city centre, they were looking for a logistical analyst.” You say lying through your teeth. 

“Oh well that sounds fancy, I hope it pays well if you’ll have to be trudging into the centre of London everyday.” You hear her chuckle.

“It does mum don’t worry, I start tomorrow actually.” 

“That’s fantastic, I’m sure you’ll do great.” 

“Thanks mum.” You say smiling. There’s a pause on the line.

“Have you spoken to Joe?” She asks, you sigh. 

“No mother I have not spoken to him since we broke up.” You reply bitterly wanting to end the conversation now.  

“He’s been asking about you, you blocked him or ignored him or something but sweetie I think you should talk to him he misses you.” You sigh, of course he’s turned on your mum, your sweet mother who couldn’t hurt a fly and always sees the best in people. Even toxic abusers. 

“I’ll think about it mum, look I have to go I have an early start tomorrow.” You say.

“Okay well get a good rest and good luck for tomorrow I love you.” She says.

“I love you too,” you reply and hang up.

That night you dream of your ex. You’re still with him trapped in the cycle of wake, make him happy, work, make him happy, sleep, repeat. The verbal abuse, the physical abuse, the days he would lock you in the bathroom for hours on end.

You took the lock off the door when he moved out. You’re not sure why it just felt like the right thing to do. You bought a deadbolt for the front door and no longer sleep with the windows open, fearing he could scale the apartment building to get to you. That’s what he does in your dreams, he gets around all the precautions you put in place. You dream of him being in your space, questioning everything you do, insisting on checking your phone and e-mails, even your work ones. Anytime a male’s name came up he would grill you about it for hours, no matter what you said it always felt like he never believed you. But then he would make you feel good, take you to the bedroom and treat you like a princess and it was like he was a different person. 

‘He’s just protective sweetie’ your mother says. ‘He loves you.’ The bruises on your arm would say otherwise, wearing turtle necks in summer became your fashion statement for at least a year. ‘He probably doesn’t mean it have you tried talking to him?’ Your brother was no better, to busy with uni to care, too much of a mans man to understand. He’s gone now though and that’s what you have to remember, it’s easier said then done. 

 —————————— 

The next morning you show up early. Your body feels heavy after the restless night. You walk in seeing John bent over Kyle’s shoulder as their looking at something on the computer behind the counter. 

“Hey, maybe you can figure this out, we’ve been trying to get these documents to copy over and it’s just not working.” Price says as he steps back you walk round watching Kyle trying to drag and drop a file into a folder. An administrative error pops up. 

“Mind if I?” You gesture for Kyle to move he holds his hands up rolling away on the chair as you try again. You’re not the most competent with computers but you could probably figure it out. You try compressing the file first then moving it and it works. 

“What did you do?” Kyle asks.

“I think the file was too big so I compressed it, do you need it sent in an e-mail?” You ask looking at John.

“Yes please if you don’t mind.” You nod. 

“Coffee?” Kyle asks as he gets up out the seat heading into the main building. 

“Yes please.” You say turning to smile at him and pulling the chair over so you can sit down. Price explains how everything works as you get situated. He shows you the documents on the computer for how to answer the phone, and deal with walk in requests. The ‘system’ they have set up for assigning deliveries is basically just a glorified spreadsheet which is good, you can work with that it’s not too far out of your comfort zone. 

“If you have any questions just call, there is a direct line to my office if you press 1 on the phone.” You nod trying to take it all in as Kyle comes back with a cup of coffee. 

“I didn’t know how you took it so I just did milk.” He says. 

“That’s fine thank you.” You reply, as he places it next to you. Then heads back. John tells you again to ask if you need anything then also leaves you too it. You’re looking through the computer making sure you defiantly understand everything when Simon and Johnny walk in. 

“Morning,” you say to them smiling.

“Morning lass, guess we didn’t scare you away yesterday!” Johnny beams, he seems to have too much energy especially compered to Simon who is still sporting his hoodie and mask combo. His eyes lock onto you as he walks through the lobby, his glare sending shivers down your spine. In a strange way, you’re not scared of him, more intrigued. He walks through the counter to the main floor without saying anything. 

“Sorry, he’s a rude bastard when he hasn’t had a coffee yet.” Johnny says.

“It’s okay,” you shake your head. You look through the window into the main floor watching Gaz open the large garage doors out to the street. 

“Hey, if we’re both around at 12 want to get lunch together? I know this great sandwich place down the road my treat!” Johnny says. You nod, he really has a way of putting you at ease with his palpable bubbly energy. 

“Right, I’ll see ya then lass,” he says and he heads through. 

The morning goes quick or maybe it’s because everything feels so new and foreign that it takes you a lot of concentration to make sure you’re doing it right. Before you even try to do anything you’re already calling John in his office about the names, instead of it being Johnny, Simon and Kyle, it’s Gaz, Soap and Ghost. Gaz you remember but the other two it’s a 50/50. John laughs and tells you Soap is Johnny and Ghost is Simon.

Each time you give them a job they stick their heads round the door to pick up the invoice, you try to make it a habit of printing it out as soon as you assign the job, so it’s ready when they come in. You purposely give Simon a job over lunch so Johnny is free, it’s a little cheeky for your first day but you wouldn’t mind spending more time with Johnny. 

When lunch comes around Johnny shows you how to set the phone to go to Price’s office and you both leave. The shop is right round the corner but by this time of the day it’s packed with people on their lunch break, you order your sandwiches to go and head back to work to eat them there. You’re both sat upstairs in on the sofa’s, it is nice up here and you can see down to the floor below you gives you something to watch while you eat. 

“How’s your first day been so far then?” Johnny asks.

“Fine, it’s just getting used to the system that might take a while.” You confess.

“Yeah, you’re doing great though, my jobs have been smooth and easy all day.” He says. You nod. 

“So how did you all meet?” You ask.

“Now that’s a story!” He says sitting up in his chair. 

“We were all military together, SAS.” He says. That explains the company name Special Delivery Service, you chuckle it’s cute, funny now you get it.

“Why’d you quit?” You ask. 

“Our time was up we chose not to re-enlist, it was Simon’s idea to start a delivery company, something easy we could do in retirement.” He says smiling at your interest. 

“Did you ever kill anyone?” You ask, but then immediately regret it, you don’t know if that’s an appropriate question to ask. Johnny just laughs.

“Someone's got to deal with the bad guys.” He says winking. 

“Don’t mean they didn’t fight back. Got a nice fucked up knee to show for it.” Johnny says slapping his left leg. That explains the limp he always has when hes walking. 

“Has John always been your boss?” You ask moving it away from killing people and being shot.

“Price, yeah he was our captain, it just felt right letting him continue to tell us what to do.” Johnny explains, chuckling. You nod listening to him talk about their life in the military, he’s careful not to go too into specifics, but enough for you to understand it seemed like it was quite a dangerous job. Johnny mentioned something about bombs at one point, that’s scary. 

“I bet you travelled a lot though?” You ask finishing your sandwich. 

“Oh yeah! That was one of the perks I guess, been all over the place, met some great people.” Johnny says naming a bunch of countries off. You watch as Simon comes back reversing the van into the bay. He jumps out and heads straight into the store room. That reminded you you needed to ask for the code. Johnny gets up checking his watch and throwing his trash in the bin. 

“Got a delivery to make, I’ll see you later.” He says heading to the stairs. You nod smiling. When you’re done you knock on John’s door before you head downstairs. 

“Come in!” He calls. You go in, for some reason you get this feeling like you’re back at school walking into a teachers office about to ask them for the key to the storage room to get more paper. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” he asks smiling, it almost immediately puts you at ease. 

“Good, I was just wondering, the store room, Johnny showed me yesterday but he didn’t give me the code.” You explain. Price nods his head. 

“You don’t need the code, it’s for the drivers only, it’s where we keep, sensitive equipment.” He explains. You nod feeling heat rush to your cheeks, maybe you should have asked Johnny instead saved yourself the embarrassment of this conversation. 

“Got it, thank you.” You nod leaving the room and closing the door behind you. What kind of sensitive equipment? You hadn’t seen anyone moving anything in or out of there, and you’re pretty sure you saw Simon go in empty handed just now. You’re just more curious then ever. You look down the steps at Simon making his way up with a mug of tea in his hand. You wait until he has reached the top of the stairs before heading down. You smile at him, you can’t tell if he’s smiling back with the mask but you’re assuming he’s not. You make your way back down as he walks into John’s office without knocking. 

The rest of the day seems to go by slower, your mind obsessing over the store room for some reason. It’s like an itch you need to scratch, you find yourself looking over to check it now and again. You get a few of those ‘special request’s’ John warned you about, you try to assign them but it doesn’t work. Clearly the system does not like it so you send them off to John. It’s almost like they’re encrypted, maybe you could figure out how to fix it and stop the system from freezing up every time it happens, a task for next week you think.

Jobs stop coming through around 3 and you spend the last few hours of your shift catching up on the other part of your admin job, then you find yourself cleaning the coffee machine. Johnny and Gaz leave early, apparently this is normal for Friday, you wish them a good weekend as they leave going out the vehicle entrance closing the garage doors behind them. You head to use the bathroom next, as you’re washing your hands you hear the door of the store room beep open and the sound of feet running in and out. You hear it open but you don’t hear it close.

You hold your breath, could it be? It’s open. You’re excited for some reason. You quickly slip out cracking the door. Sure enough the door didn’t fully close it’s stuck on the latch. Your curiosity gets the better of you, you can’t help it. You look round quickly, you don’t see anyone, you don’t hear anyone. You push the door open, it’s dark you can’t see inside. You take a step in and an automatic light flicks on. You gasp as you look around the room. It’s way bigger then you expected, so big there is enough room for a table in the middle. Each part of the wall is covered in weapons, knifes, somethings you don’t even know what they would be but they look scary.

The hairs are standing up on the back of your neck, it’s almost like your fight or flight has kicked in as your eyes widen. There are crates everywhere some open with what look like boxes of ammo. You let out a breath feeling fear rise in you, maybe it was airsoft? You move to look in one of the crates near the entrance. Nope those are real bullets. You shouldn’t have seen this you feel panic rising. This is bad and very illegal. You start to back out the room, slowly you’re trying to be as quiet as possible. Your body hits something, not something someone. You hear a sigh. 

“And what do you think you’re doing?” It’s Simon. You slowly turn his head is tilted to the side his brow creased as his gaze burns into you. Fuck.

Next

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[hello-not-me-11]

THEY LINKED THE SONGS!!!!!!!!

Every (important) Character in NnT As A Song

Below the cut!

Keep reading

[chaoparty]

MAY WE PLEASE HAVE QR CODES OF MII SIMON AND BETTY FOR OUR OWN GAMES 🙏 i need to give them their happy ending.

IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG!!! and sorry these are such bad quality i can't get them off my 3ds via sd card so i had to just take pictures with my phone ><

please if anyone uses these and you post pictures tag me i wanna see them happy everywhere possible i love you thank you fkghjfgh (u dont have to but it would make me happy!!)

[rememberwren]

Johnny in the chair in SD getting a tattoo for the first time from Simon…getting Simon’s hands on him…it was rapturous. No wonder he was being a goofy lil guy. He was skying.

[shotmrmiller]

He definitely brings the baby to your graduation so they can "watch mama graduate!" 🥺 and all of your classmates are like "wtf when did you have a BABY??" A picture of you in your cap and gown and holding bubba is definitely getting framed on the wall (and if you decide to continue studying, you'll definitely be pregnant at your next graduation)

lmaooo explaining to your closer friends that actually it's not--

but simon cuts you off like yeah she is. held her hand while she pushed. all 8 hours of it. (can you sue for misinformation?)

definitely pregnant next semester. there will be no hot girl summer for you. maybe hot as in heated because both fans can't stop your skin from becoming slick with sweat when simon's got your face pushed into your pillow as he takes you from behind all summer long :)

[werehamburglar]

ACTUALLY. ACTUALLY

with the context of chadley being the silver defender as a teenager, him comforting (and being comforted by) jeanette and flirting with carmen is really, REALLY funny when you remember his future self's relationships with their respective collective-member parents

y'know. chadley hugging jeanette after she called her mom is pretty funny

[panelshowsource]

˗ˏˋ big masterpost links updates ˎˊ˗

hello all! i've been working on some major updates the past week: new series, upgrades, consolidations, requests, etc. my lil macbook doesn't work too quickly but i should have gotten to all of the requests + added some other fun things!

i'm focusing on backing up a lot of the content, which will probably take me the rest of the week, so i likely won't add anything new for a short while except for new episode releases + requests :)

—

new series — panel shows

there's something about movies — complete series

ask rhod gilbert — complete series

rhod gilbert's growing pains — complete series (+ new episode!)

virtually famous — complete series

guessable? — s4 + specials (now complete!)

mel giedroyc: unforgivable — s3 (now complete!)

ultimate worrier — s1 + all of s2 except the last two episodes which are being annoying af...i'll get them soon...

new series — misc. series

as yet untitled — complete series

back — complete series

charlie brooker's screenwipe — complete series

dara & ed's road to mandalay — complete series

is it billy bailey? — complete series

joe lycett's got your back — complete series

late night lycett — complete series

the young ones — complete series

upgrades

taskmaster s12–14 — 720p → 1080p

outsiders s2 — 720p → 1080p

as yet untitled s1–7 — sd/720p → 720p/1080p

drunk history uk s2–3 — sd → 1080p

hypothetical — missing s02 720p → added

never mind the buzzcocks & insert name here — finally transferred both complete series to drive so they're all in one place!

misc. standup

rosie jones's disability comedy extravaganza — complete series

channel 4's comedy gala (2010) — complete series

ahir shah

alex kealy

alfie brown

ardal o'hanlon

alan davies

bill bailey

bridget christie

chris mccausland

dara ó briain

david o'doherty

ed byrne

fern brady

huge davies

jo brand

joe lycett

jon richardson

katherine ryan

larry dean

maisie adam

nish kumar

noel fielding

paul foot

paul sinha

phil wang

rose matafeo

russell howard

sarah millican

sean hughes

sean lock

shappi khorsandi

simon amstell

simon bird

stephen fry

susan calman

tiff stevenson

tim vine

tom allen

vic reeves

zoe lyons

—

please note

everything is available to download or copy immediately, but some newly added specials and series may not be available to stream directly on drive while they're still processing, so please give them about 24 hours if you'd like to do that :)

WATCH LINKS MASTERPOST / FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[kl-silly-fox]

Addition for this post cuz why not ><

Just a bit more clear pic of how I see the Simon's heights ><

(Was lazy to pic different colors)

("And Bumblebee" ahh DT!Oren, this bro was just for comparison, I forgor to delete him ><)

DT!Simon n Oren from Double Tricked au by @spiderlilyforlife

SD!Simon from Simon's Diary au by @simonsdiarysprunki

Other three(SSB!Simon, BV!Simon n SI!Simon) belongs to me ><

[randomfoggytiger]

Kibbe Body Types, Part 2: David Duchovny

Gillian Anderson's Kibbe analysis here; beginner's guide here.

Okay.

So.

We're going to have to do this analysis a little differently.

David Kibbe has a thorough quiz to type your body correctly... if you're a woman. So... I'm going to have to go around the mulberry bush a bit to arrive at David Duchovny's Kibbe Type.

...Why don't you tag along with me? We'll find out together.

(Spoiler: I already know his Type.)

KIBBE BODY TYPES-- BUT FOR MEN

(**Note**: You can skip this section if extra reading isn't your thing.)

Kibbe identifies female bodies through their height, their hips, their chest, their waist, and their shoulders. However, male bodies are a whole different ballgame: width is the key measure-- of greater importance even than height-- as well as the softness or "fleshiness" of the frame.

THANKFULLY, Aly Art's got my back with this video.

Now: we must identify the yin-- soft, delicate, short, light-- qualities and separate them from the yang-- strong, tall, lean, vertical, angular, sharp-- qualities. Everybody has a blend of those two traits slapped on their skeletons; but Kibbe tried (tries) to keep it as simple as possible.

There are five basic body types; and those five types are divided into yang (sharp) and yin (soft) variants.

Dramatics-- 100% yang energy: tall, lean, strong, hard. They look angular and heavy. Typically have smaller eyes, prominent nose and chin, and thin lips.

Benedict Cumberbatch, Sean Connery, Charlton Heston, Ricardo Montalban, Errol Flyn, Daniel Craig

Soft Dramatics-- predominant yang energy with some yin added: softness and fleshiness added to their sharp, angular frame.

Dean Martin, Christian Bale, Matthew McConoughy, John Travolta, Nicholas Cage, Clark Gable

Flamboyant Naturals-- strong and hard, but with wide, blunted edges. They appear sporty or athletic: moderate to tall height, wider shoulders, and slimmer waists and hips.

Calvin Klein, Dick Van Dyke, Harrison Ford, Clint Eastwood, Tom Selleck (maybe), Michael Landon (maybe), Joe Biden  

Soft Naturals-- like the FNs, they are wide, and blunted; but their width is softened by added fleshiness, appearing slightly less tall, less dense and more delicate. They sport plusher, softer cheeks, lips, torso, and thighs; and often appear "cuter" than FNs, Ds, and SDs.

Alan Alda, OJ Simpson, John Wayne, Robert Redford, Robert Conrad, Bing Crosby, Tom Cruise, George Clooney, Gene Kelly, Brad Pit, Gene Hackman

Dramatic Classics-- is an even, "average" mixture of yin and yang elements with a slightly more dominant yang presence. They have a very blended bone structure with tauter cheeks and more predominant facial features.

Carey Grant, John Ham

Soft Classics-- is an even, "average" mixture of yin and yang elements with a slightly more delicate yin presence. They have a very blended bone structure with softer lips and fleshier cheeks.

John Slattery, John Glenn, Gregory Peck, Bryant Gumbel

Romantics-- is 100% yin: smaller, shorter, softer, more delicate. No sharp angles. They appear gentler, less harsh, less "brutally" masculine than their Dramatic and Natural counterparts.

Colin Firth, Leonardo DiCaprio, Elijah Wood, Simon Baker, Richard Gere, Michael Jackson, Omar Shereef, Billy Dee Williams, Elvis Presley

Theatrical Romantics-- is 100% yin with a taut touch of yang to their features: narrow, delicate bones instead of fully-rounded, softly-widened angles.

David Kibbe, Orlando Bloom, Prince, Johnny Depp

Flamboyant Gamines-- an uneven mixture of yin and yang elements, with more pronounced yang in their angularity and sharpness. They have small, rectangular muscularity: angular facial bones, smaller shoulders and torso, some tautness to their physique.

Jimmy Kimmel, Frank Sinatra, Neil Patrick Harris

Soft Gamines-- an uneven mixture of yin and yang elements, with more pronounced yin in their rounded curves and softness. They appear the most "cute" of the types: an even smaller Gamine, with softer cheeks, softer noses, softer lips, bigger eyes, smaller hands, etc.

Fred Astaire, Robert Downy Jr. 

THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE MONOTONE

David's frame is dominated by prominent, long vertical lines-- dare I say, blunt edges?-- and shoulders that appear-- or are?-- wider because of his narrow waist and hips.

Using this previous post as a rough guide to map out his features, DD has pronounced yin-- softer cheeks, rounder nose, softened jawbone, softer flesh over his muscles-- but not enough to cover or dominate the long, strong bones in his frame and overall musculature.

I have my suspicions, and they swing Soft Natural (not enough T-bone shoulder to fit Flamboyant Natural); but let's put this theory to the test.

COMPARISON IS OUR REPRIEVE AND JOY

But you ask: how are we going to type the Man, the Myth, the Monotone without a handy dandy reference guide?

Easy peasy. We compare him to other body types and notate the differences.

David and Gamines

We're eliminating Gamines first because their shorter lines, shorter stature, and more angular or rounded bodies are in direct opposition to his longer, denser lines.

Compared to DD's wider shoulders, denser frame, and squarer facial features, Jimmy Kimmel and Lucy Liu (and Theatrical Romantic Gillian Anderson) appear more"weightless", angular, and narrow.

Soft Gamine Winona Ryder and Halle Berry appear weightless as well; but their angular features are tempered by an added layer of softness that corresponds with the fleshiness of David's face.

David and Romantics

We have a look-a-like for this section: Richard Gere, a pure Romantic.

Compared to DD's wide shoulders, slim torso and hips, and more defined musculature (even at his skinniest), Richard is composed of rounded curves, more delicate facial and skeletal bones, and a soft layer of flesh over his torso, arms, thighs, and legs. Even at Richard's fittest, there was still a softness present in his body that could not be chiseled away or hidden.

The two Romantic Type women below-- Drew Barrymore, pure Romantic; Gillian Anderson, Theatrical Romantic-- again highlight the density of David's structure, bringing out a "heavier" presence than the Gamines had previously.

David and Classics

Is David a Classic Type? Frankly, no-- his bones are too long and dense to be moderate and balanced; and he, even more frankly, looks terrible in very quaffed, groomed, and buttoned-up outfits.

Compared to DD's length and width, Dramatic Classics appear more proportionate, their touch of sharpness blending in with-- not rivaling-- the balance of their frames. DC Carey Grant's more balanced edges bring out the angles in DD's face, more so than the Gamines or Romantics did.

By contrast, Soft Classics' proportionate frames contain a touch of softness-- Meryl Streep's yin calls forth David's, appearing more rounded instead of angular or blunt.

David and Dramatics

Compared to David, Dramatics' structure is more elongated, narrow, and angular. Dramatic Benedict Cumberbatch has sharper, more prominent features; less width across his shoulders and torso; and barely any yin to speak of in his face.

(I also suspicion Tea Leoni as a Dramatic; so sneaked her in here.)

Soft Dramatics have the elongated sharpness of the Dramatics with a soft, fleshy padding over the tautness of their features. Compared to SD Christian Bale's sharpness-in-spite-of-his-softness, DD's softer, blunter edges become more obvious.

David and Naturals

And last but not least, we reach the native soil of David Duchovny's body type.

Flamboyant Naturals are a close but not perfect match-- their elongated, blunt width not only matches but exceeds DD's shoulders, torso, arms, legs, and facial features. FN Harrison Ford looks denser, more muscular, and even more athletic when compared to his softer brother from a different mother.

Soft Naturals: finally, David is home! Soft Naturals have the width and length of the FNs Types softened and slightly moderated by an added, pronounced yin quality. Their face, lips, arms, torso, and slim waist appear less blunt (if no less wide); and the dense musculature of their frame is less noticeable in comparison.

LINES, SILHOUETTES, AND OTHER FASHION ADVICE

Now that David's found his SN kind, I shall pack him up a little box lunch of good wardrobe advice to take with him. ...Or that was the theory, except it is notoriously hard to get my hands on Kibbe Body Type advice for men.

I shall do my best to transcribe and transform Aly Art's excerpts (here) from David Kibbe's Metamorphosis book:

"Soft Natural: it is the overall combination of the very soft yin with the yang undercurrent. Slightly soft and fleshy body type on an angular frame combined with an appealing, innocent essence.

Height: moderate.... Bone structure: slightly angular bones, slightly broad shoulders, moderate to slightly short limbs, slightly leggy look also possible. Blunt or small and irregular facial contours-- nose, cheekbones, and jawline. Hands and feet are moderate and fleshy, or slightly small and wide. Body type: slightly soft..... Facial features: full and rounded. Round eyes, round eyes, full lips, soft cheeks. Nose tends small and wide; or slightly irregular, blunt or wide. If overweight, the body tends to become extremely soft and fleshy, with the waist thickening. The upper hips, arms, and thighs tend to collect excess weight most rapidly.

"Physically, you are basically angular in bone structure-- although this is softened by a fleshy body type and full facial features.... To disperse your soft yin undercurrent..., we want to develop an appearance that could best be described as fresh and sensual....

"Shape: Asymmetric and irregular curves-- elongated ovals, wide circles, ellipticals, and so on. Relaxed geometrics with rounded edges, easy swirls. You might not look as good in sharp geometrics; in wide, chunky, and boxy shapes; in plain, symmetrical shapes; in overly ornate shapes.

"Line and silhouette: unconstructed silhouette with shaping, particularly at waist. Relaxed lines with subtle drape and flow, particularly bias cuts.

You might not look as good in wide, shapeless silhouettes; in sharp, severe silhouettes; in symmetrical silhouettes; in fitted silhouettes.

"Details: details should be loose, relaxed, delicate, slightly intricate, and very creative. Any detail that suggests a bit of antique or the earth is excellent. Shoulders should not be sharp or stiff. Necklines should be loose and soft, not closed, restricted, or fussy. Simple draped necklines; soft cowls; soft notched collars; clean lapels; shawl collars; and so on. Waist should be defined, although loosely: there can be a slightly blousy effect with the top draped over the waistline, or a slightly dropped waist as long as the silhouette is fluid. Gathers and falls should be deep, full, and soft; sleeves can be full and flowing, or gently tapered at the wrist with minimum detail.

"Trim should be delicate and antique, shearing applique, and so on. You might not look as good in sharply tailored detail, in no detail, in overly fitted and fussy detail, in animated, perky detail."

Conclusion

David Duchovny's gonna do and wear what he's gonna do and wear. And that's just fine.

Thanks for reading~

And take care of yourselves.

Enjoy!