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fsproschold · 2 months

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Chapter One: Dawn of the hominids.

The valley was once more gripped in the jaws of drought, the grass was dry and withering and the only place to find water in the region was a small watering hole. an oasis in the middle of a vast expanse of grass, dust and sand. near this watering hole is a tribe of homo habilis, some of the earliest hominids to ever exist. there skin was covered by a light coat of fine hair and a big mane on top of their heads, a trait shared by all hominids to come after them, there skin was brown, and their feces half way between Australopithecus and human. They lived near and around a large acacia tree which offered them shade and safety in case of predators.

On the outskirts of this group were five young females, driven from their tribes when they reached sexual maturity to prevent inbreeding. Among them was one named Moon Watcher. Moon Watcher was odd to look at at first glance, her mane seemed unnaturally neat and short, ending cleanly at her shoulders, she was thin and built in a feminine way that gave her an inherent magnetic appetence of beauty. Her sisters were quite well built themselves, Fire Chaser was a bit more aggressive with a slightly stronger build and a mop of scruffy hair for a mane, Rain Bringer, a longmaned female with a slightly naturally curvier body and Melon Licker, the smallest of the group with a mane of poufy curly hair which could almost be called fluffy. The last female was not of blood relation, she to was quite beautiful as well with a pleasing figure, yet her personality was much more captivating, she was confident, brave and a bit playful. Moon Watcher often glanced at her with a strange feeling within herself that she could scarcely understand. She had never felt this way while looking at the males of this new tribe, despite the fact that some had approached her and her sisters, the only thing that mad her feel this way was that young female, Termite Eater.

On one particularly parched day, Moon Watcher approached Termite Eater and began grooming her, unsure how she would respond. Termite Eater looked at Moon Watcher softly, showing Moon Watcher in an instant that her feelings were reciprocated. Close by, Fire Chaser and Melon Liker were roughhousing with each other while Rain Bringer watched and laughed at them. The tribe took little note of this, the five were not officially accepted into the tribe, Moon Watcher and Termite Eater had no interest in the dominate male and Melon Licker, Rain Bringer and Fire Chaser rejected any attempts to join without Moon Watcher thus leaving them in a state of limbo. The were tolerated as they acted as early warning of predators and potential decoys incase of an attacked, since the foraged for themselves and stayed outside of the tribes politics then they could stay as a non issue. The tribe had worse things to think of other than them.

Termite Eater got up and moved towards the Watering Hole, motioning for Moon Watcher to fallow. Moon Watcher called to her sisters and they all walked towards the Watering Hole, a dangerous proposition for any animal, but especially for the members of this tribe. As they walked through the dry terrain, they looked left and right of any sign of The Leopard, a massive leopardess who stalked the outskirts of the tribe to pick off any stragglers of the group, half of the tribes young and sick had fallen pray to her over the past few months. besides her there were Hyaenas, Megantereon, Dinofelis, Pythons, Crocodiles and Hippopotamuses, all ready and eager to devour them if given the chance. There were also Dinotherium, Giant Elephants and Rhinos who would trample them just to let out some casual aggression. Even more peaceful game like Gazelles, early Zebras and Warthogs often bully them off of their food. Moon Watcher was simply another low ranking member of the savannas food web.

Once they reached the Watering Hole they had a problem, The Others were there. A tribe of well built Males and Females lead by A male who was giant by there standers named Torn Ear, they had already tried to cannibalize Melon Licker when she got to close and would not hesitate to do it again. Moon Watchers mind went to work, she motioned for Rain Bringer and Melon Licker to go one way While herself and Termite Eater go another, Fire Chaser would approach them head on. Fire Chaser walked out in front of Torn Ear, calling and apishly screaming at him as She approached. Torn ear was nearly amused by this small female making seemingly empty threats.

Then a rain of sticks and rocks began to fall upon Torn Ear and his tribe and the sounds of barking and screaming came from all around him. This caught him completely off guard and caused him and his tribe to back off, they had drank their fill anyways. The five then rushed down to the Watering Hole and began to drink hardily. Termite Eater patted Moon Watcher on the back for her great idea. Moon watcher was used to planning things out, her mother died in child birth and she had been the sole care giver to her sisters once she was old enough, now at a mere 14 years old, she had reached the beginning of adulthood of her spices, but was still quite young in may other ways. But she never considered the notion of leaving her family, such a though had long been squashed out of her vary soul. Her family was all she had.

there were times where they would drive each other mad to be sure, but they had an undying love for each other that encompassed all things. Melon Licker drank deeply from her cupped hands as she kneeled down by the Watering Hole and watched as Moon Watcher stood next to termite eater. Melon Licker picked up a glob of of mud and threw it at Moon Watcher. Moon Watcher snarled and threw mud back at Melon Licker, hitting Fire Chaser and rain bringer in the prosses. Soon all five of them were engaged in a playful bout of mud throwing with each other, cooling themselves from the hot African sun.

#anthropology #steven universe #2001 a space odyssey #fanfic #culture

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total-drama-takes-takes-2 · 1 year

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tti episode 9

"Last time on Total Takes Island: the campers played a friendly game of hunter and hunted, complete with costumes and projectile weapons. Max gave Michael the cold shoulder, for some reason, and Austin showed off his not-so-groovy side when he used his teammate as a human shield. Sha-Mod got rivals Ass and Courtney in a tangle, and for that he was sent packing. Will the Fujoshis ever win another round? Will Scruffy ever find some solid evidence of what’s happening on their team? Find out now- on Total! Takes! Island!”

Caesar sits up, looking at the analogue clock on the wall- 6 AM- and then sighs as he covers his ears to drown out McLovin’s sobs.

---

CAESAR: “All. Week. All week! That homo-wannabe has been crying over his boytoy leaving the island. If I had known it’d affect his fragile little heart so much as to disturb me from my beauty sleep, I would’ve voted for Ass!”

---

McLovin shakily holds a simple crayon drawing he made of him and Sha-Mod surrounded by a large red heart as he sits on the cabin floor. Caesar gets out of bed, eyes tired, and stares blankly into the camera.

A knock on the cabin door forces him to shuffle over and open it, only to see Bonnie holding a pillow and looking equally as tired.

“Ass and Courtney have been fighting. All. Night,” they mutter, eye bags heavy. “I don’t care about the gender-adjacent rules anymore, I just want to sleep.”

Caesar sighs and points into the cabin where McLovin is crying. “No sleep around here,”

“Oh, brother,”

---

Julia sits on the porch outside the cabin door, legs crossed and eyes closed as she pretends to meditate to listen in on Austin and Kelly’s conversation.

“And then I said, why have one bird when you can have all of them?”

Kelly laughs. “You have such a way with words,”

“Smashing, baby,”

Julia sighs in defeat, clearly not learning anything of value, and stands, walking over to where Max is leaning against the cabin exterior wall. She hovers in front of him until he finally acknowledges her. “What do you want?”

“I was thinking we could discuss strategy,”

He scoffs. “Yeah, right, as if I’d take pointers from you,”

Julia rolls her eyes. “I just think we should go over what we’re doing about the Scary problem?”

“No one’s gonna vote her out,” Max says, beginning to walk away. “You’re playing the wrong game here.”

“Attention, campers! Meet me on the beach in five for your next challenge!” Chris’ voice blares over the intercoms. Everyone winces at the mic feedback and then slowly begins moving, quietly grouping off.

“Today’s challenge will not only test your strength, your endurance, your intelligence, your patience, your-”

“Oh, just get on with it,” Julia rolls her eyes.

Chris glares. “You’ll be cooking a three-course meal. Each team will appoint a head chef to create a theme for the meal, and oversee the cooking. If you’ll all look off to your rights- no, your other rights- you’ll see our food delivery truck, stocked full of ingredients, which is what you’ll be using for your meals,” he continues, pointing to a small truck down the shoreline. “Chef and I will be judging, so make it edible, please.”

Courtney turns to the rest of the team, now a five-player ensemble. They cross their arms with a smile. “So… who wants to lead this thing?”

“Why not you, your holiness?” Ass says, rolling their eyes. Courtney glares, but doesn’t object, turning to the rest of the team.

Caesar shrugs. “I don’t have any problems with that. Bonbon?”

Bonnie yawns.

“McLovin?” Caesar turns, and then looks around the beach. “Um… has anyone seen McLovin?”

---

A spiritual, wistful tune plays as McLovin sits at the big cliff’s edge, cradling his knees to his chest and crying.

---

“Oh. Joy,” Courtney sighs. “Normally, I’d look for him myself, but I need to oversee the cooking. Bonnie?”

“Bonbon and I are kind of a package deal,” Caesar says, holding their shoulders to prevent them from collapsing. “Where they go, I go.”

“Fine! As much as I hate to say it-”

Ass smiles a little and stands. “I’ll find him. Just worry about not losing this time, m'kay?”

Courtney rolls their eyes and turns to their two-person team. “We can work with this. Caesar, make sure Bonnie doesn’t hurt themselves. I’m going to go check out the kitchen and then make a list of what we need. Is that okay?”

Caesar shrugs.

---

“Now, clearly, I should be the head chef-”

Julia elbows Max in the ribs, causing him to cough and sputter. “Fine! Whatever. Scary, you’re in charge,”

Scary beams, giggling and cartwheeling towards the ingredients truck.

Michael raises an eyebrow. “Have you lost your mind?”

“We took a vote, Mikey,” Julia grins, wrapping her arm around Michael’s shoulders.

“Don’t call me that,"

Scruffy blinks. "Who voted for Scary?”

“Let’s see… Frollo, Staci, Scary itself, and me and Max,”

“You and Max are in agreement on this?” Michael scoffs.

Max storms through, shoving Michael out of the way while Julia snickers to herself.

---

JULIA: “This is too easy,”

---

“Is this everything?” Courtney asks as Caesar and Bonnie dump a few armfuls of food packaging onto the table in their designated kitchen.

Caesar pants, gasping for air as if he’d just run a marathon. “No, we still have a few trips to make,”

“Okay, okay, we’re all good. I’m gonna get started on the appetizers, since that’s what’s getting served first. I think I have an idea of how we could pull this off,”

---

Somewhere deep within the woods and very far from camp, McLovin and Ass walk together, shoulder-to-shoulder.

“Well, why do you think it was so distressing? Were you really that good of friends?” They ask, kicking a pinecone along the path.

“We weren’t just friends, we were bromates. That’s like soulmates but for men… Joner came up with it,” McLovin sighs.

“And this Joner guy wasn’t your… ugh, your bromate?”

McLovin shakes his head. “Michael was around way before I was. I only came in around the ninth grade, so he was already spoken for,”

"Isn't Michael a girl?"

"is she?"

Ass raises an eyebrow, then gives him a sympathetic look. “Third-wheeling, huh? I know how that feels,”

“It was more than third-wheeling. But I don’t wanna talk about it, it gets… complicated. Things with Michael aren’t so good anymore. But Sha-Mod was like my oasis in the desert, man! He saved me from all the girl drama and the cooties!”

Ass rolls their eyes, but an endearing smile sneaks through anyway. “You’re funny, you know that?”

“I know,” he sighs. “Sha-Mod used to tell me how funny I am…”

---

Scary scampers around the kitchen, laughing maniacally while writing down their own recipes on the back of napkins from the mess hall and passing them out like party favors.

The other Anons raise eyebrows at the messy handwriting, and then turn to Max, who shrugs.

---

JULIA: “My plan is simple. Get Max to put Scary in charge, convincing him that her failure will get her eliminated, and then when we inevitably fail, I’ll pin it on him and he’ll be toast!"

---

“Okayyy, let’s see- I want this to all go perfectly, so no lollygagging, tomfooling, dilly-dallying, or horseplay, pretty please!” Scary says. “Austin, Kelly Staci- course number three. Julia, Scruffy- course number two! The rest of you-” Scary narrows her eyes at Michael and Max, then at Frollo across the room. “Course number one and STAY OUT OF MY WAY!”

Michael takes a step away. Max rolls his eyes.

Austin reads the recipe card Scary had handed him, and then beams. “Black forest cake- right on, baby!”

“Pasta,” Julia squints at her group's napkin. “Um, wait- where are we supposed to get the-”

“Figure it out!” Scary grins wickedly.

Max finally looks at the remaining recipe. “Um. This isn’t real,” he ignores Michael, turning to Frollo behind them. “She’s messing with us. She has to be.”

Frollo closes his Bible with a loud snap and walks over, taking the napkin. He squints at it, and then his face goes pale. “Witchcraft!” he shouts, dropping the napkin on the floor, kneeling down beside it and repeatedly smashing it with his Bible.

“You know it’s already flat, right?” Max asks as he and Michael watch the ordeal from above.

---

“Caesar! I need you and Bonnie on the main course. I can handle everything else until- if- those two ever get back,” Courtney shouts, tying an apron around their waist as the two remaining players come back from their final round of carrying ingredients.

Caesar half-heartedly salutes them and picks up the cookbook Courtney found, flipping to a tabbed page. He grins. “Courtney, you genius,”

“Yeah, I know, but we still gotta make it!” they say, grabbing an oven tray and spreading a thin layer of tortilla chips over it.

---

COURTNEY: “My parents aren’t really at home a lot, so I’ve been feeding myself for most of my teen years. Whenever I don’t feel like cooking something big, I go to my defaulto easy and quick meal- Americanized-Mexican food.”

---

Julia and Scruffy stare at the last ingredient they need on the list, and then look to each other. “So… you don’t suppose they have that on the truck, right?” she chuckles.

“Not that I would think, but… someone’s gonna have to get it,”

Julia’s nervous smile drops as she realizes they mean her. “Fine. If I die, kill Max for me,”

“Um… sure,”

Julia takes off her apron and walks out of the kitchen just as Kelly and Austin come back in holding a new carton of eggs.

“You know, my great-great-great-great grandma Eliza actually published the first ever recipe for chocolate cake. It’s an old family secret, but we use chopped chocolate instead of melted,” Staci smiles, pulling a huge butcher’s knife out of a drawer and smiling as they begin dicing a few chocolate bars.

Kelly smiles. “Your family sounds really nice, I wish mine was so talented,”

“You’re always welcome to join! As my great-uncle Bertram said, family is determined by bonds, not by blood,”

“You mean it?!” Kelly’s eyes widen. “I get to have a big sister??”

Staci beams. “Ohmigosh, totally! I’ve always wanted a younger sib!”

Austin pops out of nowhere, holding an armful of eggs. “I want in on this found family dig too, baby! I’d make a smashing sister!”

“Yay! Sisters!” Staci smiles. “OW!”

All three look down to their finger, where the knife had slipped and produced a thin cut. Staci turns white and then immediately passes out.

“I don’t get it,” Max says, pacing around Michael and reading the napkin again as soon as he got Frollo out of the kitchen. “She’s actually trying to lose.”

“Will you-”

“This is all because she has this tall-person superiority complex, she thinks I’m stupid!”

“Can I-”

“That’s why she puts everyone she hates on appetizers! She wants us booted! Shit- this must’ve been Julia!”

Michael grabs his shoulders, shaking him. “Let me read it!”

Max’s face turns red and he crosses his arms after handing her the napkin, ignoring her again. She rolls her eyes and stares at the list.

“Tongue of lamb… hair of toad… guts of eagle… hm, okay. She wants us to make a salad,”

Max’s jaw drops.

---

MICHAEL: “Joner went through a witch phase in the 7th grade. All of the “eye of newt” stuff is just fancy herbalist language for different plants,”

---

“So, what’s your deal?” McLovin asks, no longer crying. His hands are in his pockets and his face is dry.

“My deal?”

“You know, you’re all dry and sarcastic and stuff. Why?”

Ass shrugs. “When you deal with enough drama, it gets to you,”

“Aw, that’s too bad,” McLovin says, holding up his finger as a butterfly lands on it. He turns and smiles at Ass. “It’d be awesome to see you smiling more, you know?”

They smile a bit.

---

ASS: “It’s kind of ridiculous how Courtney thinks they can just claim a person… however, when that person is McLovin, I guess I can kind of get it.”

---

Courtney slices a jalapeno, watching Bonnie carefully as they attempt to dice up a few tomatoes, but lose their grip on the knife every few seconds.

“Here, let me,” Courtney says with an apologetic smile, taking over for Bonnie as they finish up the jalapeno. “Sorry about last night. I’m sure that wasn’t easy to sleep through.”

“What… sleep?” Bonnie yawns.

“I guess I just keep letting my emotions get the best of me. I don’t mean to step on anyone’s toes, you know?” Courtney picks up the cutting board and scrapes off the diced tomatoes into a nearby bowl. “Can you grab the cilantro?”

Bonnie nods and drifts across the kitchen before returning. “It’s okay, I get it. And, for the record,” Bonnie smiles, picking apart the cilantro. “I’m on your side.”

Courtney smiles.

---

COURTNEY: “Bonnie is kind of sweet, actually. Now I get why Caesar won’t listen to anyone else,”

---

Frollo paces back and forth outside the kitchen, looking at the ground with a contemplative stare. He hears some motion in the distance and looks up- seeing a pitch black figure approaching.

“DEMON!” he yells before running off into the woods.

Julia rolls her eyes as she walks by, doused in black squid ink. Scruffy blinks at her when she enters the kitchen. “Did you get anything?”

She glares, pulls out a bowl, and then wrings her hair into it, a metric ton of squid ink filling it to the brim. Scruffy blinks, and then shrugs. “Let’s cook,”

Across the kitchen, Max finishes tossing the salad before turning around and seeing Kelly and Austin alone, frosting an amazing looking cake. “Where’s Staci?” he asks.

The two look at each other and then step apart, revealing a still-unconscious Staci on the floor. Max sighs, walks over, and shakes them awake.

“Whu- huh? What happened?” Staci looks around, then winces. They look at their finger, still bleeding slightly, and immediately pass out again.

Max slaps her awake this time, holding her hand away from her face. “You up? Good. Hope you had a good nap, sleeping beauty. Get some rubbing alcohol and band-aids from the medical tent and get back here before I lose my mind. Okay?”

Staci nods and shakily stands, slowly walking out the door.

Max stands, smacking his palm to his forehead and gritting his teeth. Austin and Kelly make fleeting eye contact.

“Hey, baby, are you doing alright? You’re not looking so groovy,”

“I’m fine!” he snaps. “I’m doing so awesome, thanks for asking!”

---

MAX: “I hope they all know how close I am to snapping,” he pauses to laugh insanely, holding his head in his hands. “Cause I’m really getting there!”

---

“Woah, dude, calm down,” Michael steps in from behind, putting a hand on his shoulder. Max’s face goes blank and he relaxes a little, losing tension. “You’re gonna give yourself a headache.”

He sighs, exhaling deeply. “I’m… okay. Let’s get this over with,”

---

“Campers, you have twenty more minutes to finish preparing your dishes!”

Courtney glances around the kitchen nervously, surveying the nachos and tacos prepared for the meal. “I feel like we’re missing something…”

Their face goes blank. “Oh my God- the dessert!”

Bonnie and Caesar's tired eyes widen and they look at each other nervously, neither one wanting to step in and volunteer to save the day.

Luckily, McLovin and Ass walk in just before the two have to, laughing to themselves. Courtney’s head whips around to them. “Where have you two been!?”

“Walking, talking, vibing,” McLovin shrugs. “Ass said you had it under control.”

Ass shrugs. “With all your amazing skills, I figured you wouldn’t miss us,”

Courtney glares, holding their arms out for emphasis as they get in Ass’ face. “Thanks for the input, but we’re about to lose! You are so going home!”

“Woah, let’s all take a chill pill,” McLovin steps between the two, holding out his arms. “Court, what’s going on?”

“Bonnie and Caesar are exhausted, you two have been missing for hours, and I didn’t have enough time to finish the dessert!”

McLovin raises an eyebrow. “Is that all?”

“What do you mean is that all?! We’re gonna lose!”

“I can make churros in like, fifteen minutes,” McLovin shrugs. “My abuela taught me this super quick recipe back in grade school.”

Everyone stares. Courtney’s jaw drops.

---

Staci walks back into the kitchen, dazed and confused, holding a large bottle of rubbing alcohol with their entire hand bandaged. Max narrows his eyes. “What is that?”

“What?” they ask, holding up the gallon container. “Rubbing alcohol?”

“I didn’t want you to bring it back here! And look, you’re getting it all over!”

Staci looks at the ground, where a tiny hole at the bottom of the bottle is leaking a trail of fluid all over. They glare back. “You have no right to criticize me. You’re not in charge today,”

“Scary!” Max yells, before looking around the room. “Where is Scary?”

The other Anons look at each other, and then hear a faint giggling outside. The entire team walks out, Staci leaving the bottle on the counter adjacent to the one with the delicious-looking salad, squid ink pasta, and black forest cake.

“Oh, Jesus Christ!” Max exclaims.

A large wooden stake has been set up just outside the kitchen, a massive pile of sticks under it. Frollo walks around one side, spinning the stake around to reveal Scary tied to it. She giggles again.

“Jesus Christ is correct, my brother,” Frollo says. “I’m going to burn this witch and free this island of sin.”

Julia turns to Max. “When I said I wanted her gone, this isn’t what I meant!”

“Let her go, now!” Max shouts, though no one dares get any closer.

Frollo shakes his head and lights a match just as Scary easily slips out of the ropes and somersaults into the woods. He doesn’t notice, though, and drops the match anyway.

Max’s eyes drift down as the flames consume the wooden pyre, then flit down to the trail of rubbing alcohol leading to the mobile kitchen.

He sighs. “Oh, sh-”

The steam of liquid immediately catches fire and the mobile kitchen explodes, blasting everyone backwards onto the beach. The Anons stare in shock as a massive bonfire envelops the charred remains of the shiny trailer, and their challenge along with it.

---

“Mm, amazing! And these churros, man, I’m impressed!” Chris chuckles, dabbing his chin with a cloth napkin. “Fujoshis, despite everything, you’ve really outdone yourselves this time.”

“De-licious!” Chef nods, looking at Courtney. “Have you considered a summer internship in the kitchen? I could save you from this competition.”

Courtney smiles proudly. “I think I’ll stay on the show, but I appreciate that, Sergeant Chef,”

Chef salutes and Chris chuckles again. “Now, time for the-”

The sound of the trailer exploding outside makes everyone jump and run outside. The Anons are lying across the beach, groaning. Chris blinks.

“Um… oookay... I guess we have a winner, then!” he shouts. The Fujoshis cheer, McLovin hugging Ass and Courtney while Bonnie and Caesar high-five and then both pass out.

“Anons, I’ll see you- or what’s left of you, anyway- at the campfire tonight!”

---

“Anons… wowwwww. Wow. Just wow!” Chris shakes his head. “And the sad thing is, from what I saw, that weird goth meal looked delicious!”

Max sighs, massaging his temples. Julia rolls her eyes.

“You had a lot of mishaps today, some worse than others. But only one of you will be walking the dock of shame, boarding the boat of losers, and never returning. Ever,”

“Scruffy- you’re safe.

Max,

Scary- good work today, champ.

Michael, Kelly, Austin- safe!”

Chris looks between the final three marshmallow-less players. “Julia- you’re safe.”

Julia smiles and catches her marshmallow before flicking it at Max’s head.

“Frollo- your weird 17th century point of view blew up a very expensive trailer, and your team's hard work inside. And Staci- you supplied the ammo. But only one of you is going home tonight. And that person… is…

Frollo,” Chris tosses Staci a marshmallow. “Staci, you’re somehow still in the game.”

Frollo stands, looking unbothered, and begins walking. He stops to whack Max upside the head with his Bible one last time, and then disappears down the dock.

---

FROLLO: “I set out on a mission. However it turned out, I’ll know that I did well. We’re all in God’s plan. I can only hope the brothers at my church will forgive me for fraternizing outside of the membership…”

---

Max’s eyes open slowly and he sits up, rubbing his head. The campfire area is now abandoned and it’s clearly late at night.

He looks up as someone walks into the area and offers a hand. He hesitates for a moment, and then takes it, allowing Michael to pull him to his feet.

“I was just coming to check on you. Julia finally fell asleep,” Michael says. “Sorry you got knocked out.”

Max rubs the back of his head. “I’m just glad that nut is gone,”

Michael nods, looks around for a moment as the silence looms over them, and then begins walking away. Max watches for a few seconds before clearing his throat. “You did well today!”

She turns for a second, smiling. “I’d hope so,” and then walks back to camp.

Max also smiles- just a tiny bit- and follows a few minutes after, just as Julia peeks around the corner with a frown.

#tti #total takes island

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