#scorpion review

[toreii]

Mortal Kombat 1: Khaos Reigns Review

Let me just preface this post by saying I’m still on the fence about sharing my thoughts. Like many, I am highly disappointed with the direction this DLC went. I would have never imagined this was in store for me last year during the summer when I first watched the Lin Kuei trailer. Khaos Reigns provoked two days of awful headaches followed by days of disillusion. Yes, NRS played me for a fool (thank god I did not purchase this). I gave them the benefit of the doubt, and it came to bite me in the ass. If I had a physical copy of the game, I’d chuck it in the trash. I’m finding it difficult to proceed forward which is hard because I like to see things through even if it sucks. All I can do is protect my vision of Bi-Han and staying true to the old lore as I try and move on.

That being said, to address my take on this expansion:

To begin, the elephant in the freaking room--Sektor and Cyrax.

I am a Lin Kuei fan overall. Not a big fan of him in general, but there has been appreciation for him and Cyrax throughout the years. When I learned that both were going to be genderbent, I had a little bit of misgivings suddenly changing things drastically. But, again, I gave NRS the benefit of the doubt. Since this is a new era, I was on board with it until the rumors started circulating about both being love interests for the brothers. I was like "That makes no sense whatsoever." To me, the Lin Kuei has always been like a brotherhood. In no given time, has there ever been any indication of personal relationships outside of camaraderie. For example, Cyrax and Smoke being vehemently upset over Bi-Han's death in MK9, and not just Kuai Liang.

The argument can be constantly made that this is a new timeline, and it's Liu Kang's creation over and over. But, when you have that man (Dominic) constantly saying the timelines are canon, but not really. But, still are. It's incredibly hard to take anything seriously right now especially with the constant flip flopping that man does for the sake of the current script. Which is another point, but back to the bastardization of our two Lin Kuei girls.

I wanted to believe in a strong, female Sektor, who has her own ideals which we can all clearly see. Like her past iterations, she lives, breathes, and bleeds Lin Kuei. I wanted to see a Sektor who slowly, but surely descended into her own madness of corruption as she pursued her goals for the Cyber Initiative. Sektor has always been known for his technological genius, and she would be no different. To see her potential constantly get staunched for her adulation and obsession for Bi-Han was hard to witness. I can understand that this may be a flaw for her, but it is a very shitty flaw. Because this one trait absolutely negates everything she stands for. I can see that both she and Bi-Han use each other to a certain extent where it seems fit. I know her horrible romance is the center of focus right now, but if you listen to her intros with Bi-Han, it seems to be all business between them. There is barely any indication that their relationship goes beyond the realm of the clan and into a personal tryst. Sektor calls it love, but it's not quite there. I mean, there's love for the grandmaster, but the love that seems to be implied between the two is not quite there. At least, in my view.

I don't know about Sektor yet, but I already deduced that Bi-Han isn't someone who's desperate to correct anyone on the spot. He doesn't have to. He doesn't owe anyone an explanation, so of course he runs with whatever people say about him. He's unbothered by anyone's opinions of him. When Kuai Liang told Cyrax the truth about Bi-Han letting their father die, Bi-Han could have stepped in at any given moment and contradicted Kuai Liang. Instead, he chose to own every word Kuai said. I've had this feeling since the end of the base campaign that Kuai Liang simply took pieces of what Bi-Han said, and spun them to fit his own narrative. (Killing your father and letting him die because of an accident are two completely different things.)

Anyways, going back to Sektor, that scene where Bi-Han's mind was being restored seems to be the only shoehorned indication that there is more to them than meets the eye. But, again, it was badly placed, badly presented as well. First of all, Sektor really should not have been there in that room at all. From a storytelling perspective, I'm supposed to believe that both Sektor and Bi-Han have this obsessive romance and codependency between each other in a few seconds of frames, than the brotherhood between Bi-Han, Kuai Liang, and Tomas??? And this was my worst fear for Bi-Han too. I did not want him to be "saved" by romance. I wanted his salvation to come from within himself as he reflected on his poor decisions and the tragedy of his downfall which sadly we were robbed and negated from. If the scene only involved Liu Kang, Bi-Han, and Kuai Liang, it would have been more poignant. There has always been that story between the two brothers. I understand, this is not the same Kuai of two timelines ago. But, why is MK: Onslaught's ScorpKuai a lot more wholesome than our MK1 iteration??? He was absolutely horrified meeting MK11 Noob. He couldn't understand why Bi-Han became Noob (and how). But, Kuai's first instinct in the DLC is to be absolutely pissed and disgusted? "Your new attire suits you. It is as black as your heart." Darling, no. I would have been more pleased seeing Kuai approach the table and have this conflicting expression. The hatred can still be there, but the concern and sorrow for whom was once family to him, and his eldest brother needed to be portrayed. I mean, we sort of got it with the whole coffin scene at the end. But, in that scene, in that moment, that more than Bi-Han reaching for Sektor and touching foreheads with her is a lot more powerful in terms of storytelling. I don't know why NRS is so against these two hashing it out and resolving their issues.

Now to Cyrax...oh my god...

According to Kuai Liang in the main story, Cyrax and Sektor were supposed to be absolutely loyal to Bi-Han and would abet his corruption than follow him. We obviously see that in Sektor, but what the hell happened to Cyrax? It leads me to believe that Dominic and others suddenly decided to change the script. Mind you, I firmly believe that they did so. Sektor and Cyrax being women in this game must've been a decision that came after everything was said and done for the base campaign. I'm a bit skeptical on Bi-Han suddenly turning on Cyrax because I do recall some time ago listening to some leaked audio in which Bi-Han says "Kuai Liang was supposed to give Cyrax back." It made me think "Oh shit. Does Cyrax get held hostage or something?" Like, what the hell happened? And, I'm realizing, are we missing dialogue now? There is so much that does not make sense!!! Why would they turn on her all of a sudden?!

She's supposed to be close to Bi-Han just as much as Sektor. And suddenly, Cyrax is presented as a free thinking individual who abides by her own ideals and tradition. The moment that is threatened, she feels like she can no longer follow Bi-Han and his ambitions. To make it worse, she feels so much remorse with Kuai Liang that she's ready to give up her life in penance to make up for it. It just makes no sense. And to make it worse, she spends the rest of the DLC following Kuai Liang like a little puppy ready to serve her new grandmaster. Why was she even presented as a strong individual when all she wants is Kuai Liang's adoration as well? Not to mention, it was a really gross line to include in the intros where Noob threatens to spill her relationship with Kuai Liang to Harumi. We're seriously cheapening these two women to typical high school romance tropes? Like others have expressed, this is fanfiction levels of madness.

Kuai Liang is all levels of messed up too. I am so sick and tired of him prancing around like he does no wrong, and everyone believes every word he says. Suddenly, he's the self appointed grand hero of the story when you have Liu Kang's champions sitting around and twiddling their thumbs? Why not place faith in them and send them with Kuai to resolve the current threat. I understand Kuai's Shirai Ryu is now the new protectors, but you also have these other people and beings who are preparing themselves as well for these upcoming threats. I hate that they just suddenly bled into the background, and disappeared completely. Somebody needs to not only knock Bi-Han but Kuai Liang as well a few pegs down. He too is not without his own flaws and they need to be addressed. And Liu Kang's line "Trust your wife. Avail yourself of her wisdom." The same thing with Sektor and Bi-Han. Here too. This fucking trope cannot be it. Love cannot only be the thing that saves the day. His anger, his vengeance, is no where near the levels of Hanzo. Hanzo legit had a reason to be like that. Kuai is literally throwing a bitch fit at Bi-Han, and pointing fingers anywhere but himself. Seriously, his anger and disgust against Cyrax was so unwarranted. And every time she was flustered and tried to explain, he barely gave her time to say a word. Always cutting her off, and rejecting her apologies until the end because it is implied Harumi stepped in. And he seems to just completely simmer down a bit in the presence of Noob. Where was the you who tried to take him on earlier in Chaosrealm? Suddenly, you don't feel like butting heads with your brother? Kuai Liang is such a hypocrite, and I'm tired of seeing it.

Liu Kang was also another that just got dragged through the mud. A lot of his words and actions did not make sense. He's content with disposing of Titan Shang Sung and Titan Quan Chi, but he won't let Bi-Han finish off Titan Havik because he isn't sure how he's tied to his timeline, and doesn't want to kill innocent lives? What about the timelines tied to the other two? Liu Kang had no problem ending those. Why is Titan Havik's timeline any different? Bi-Han is right. Why does that timeline matter when the most important one is theirs, Liu Kang's timeline? He tells Raiden and Kung Lao to do their best and pray they make it out alive, when Liu Kang could have better prepared them. Gets his ass handed to him, can't even go save Geras himself. Sends Kuai, Cyrax, and Sektor to Chaosrealm in blindly. And, snaps at Bi-Han for the most part towards the end instead of having a meaningful talk with him. Not just simply telling him "This is what you are meant to do. Defend Earthrealm." Well, geez, why not elaborate on that, Liu Kang? Can't you give Bi-Han a few minutes of your time to air out grievances and come to a consensus?

And what the hell happened to Titan Havik? Is he dead? Does he still live? Trapped in the void? The Kamidogu were briefly mentioned, and then dropped. They were hyped to be of importance in this DLC. I'm certain they'll make their return eventually if NRS continues the story involving Onaga when the time comes. But, Havik had plans for them as well. And we only see him fusing with the Kamidogu. That final fight with him felt pretty lackluster. Just a regular match like any other.

We are definitely missing script, and scenes. We were supposed to have gotten a whole lot more. Ed Boon said this was their project for the next few years. I suppose they felt compelled not just to omit certain things, but cut out others for future DLCs. This was setup to be more than what we got. The bar absolutely fell short of what the end product was. To charge full price is absolutely heinous. I'm sorry, but I do not have $50 on hand for each DLC that they plan to release. They charged full price for the main game, and now they plan to do so for every little story line that comes after? I can't in good conscious support this kind of marketing. I'm devastated with the story. Like, I could work and make sense and justify every decision made with the main story to a degree. I can't do the same with Khaos Reigns.

I know I was making gifs of Bi-Han last week, but after KR...my heart right now really isn't in MK1. Every time I come across posts and remotely start thinking about it, I get headaches. They are not as bad as they initially were, but this is how horribly this DLC affects me. It keeps giving me headaches. I know I probably regurgitated the same sentiments and ideas as many others have already. But, a friend told me it would be cathartic to do this. So, instead of my journal, I am here expunging these thoughts and emotions. I don't know what my future with the brand will entail, but godspeed NRS. I wish you well on your future endeavors, and that's really saying a lot on my end. I can't even hope anymore. They massacred my heart and left me to die just like papa Lin Kuei (I wish we had a name for him).

[mamkina-konina]

Hodgepodge. The cover of my sketchbook

[fictionalbugreviews]

ok ok ok one more from me. this time from my bf who loves fallout 4. he submits the Stingwing:

(based off the real life scorpionfly)

Stingwing (Fallout Series)

Dude. The realism on this goes crazy. I looked up Scorpionflies just to refresh myself on what they look like, and— yeah, I believe it.

I wish I could give a bigger score than 5/5, TBH.

RATING: 🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛

[criminalmutantsins]

My Thoughts on MK1 Hanzo

(Spoiler Warning: Smoke’s Tower Ending is discussed)

I saw Smoke’s tower ending and was surprised to see Hanzo in the new timeline, let alone as a child. Although I’m open to how the writers will handle his character, I’m kind of disappointed that they went this route. When I learned that Kuai Liang would be Scorpion in the new timeline, I expected Hanzo to either not even exist or live a nice life with Harumi and their son. Instead, Kuai Liang is married to Harumi and Hanzo is much younger than them, which is so weird. I really hoped Hanzo would have a happy life and only be involved in the games through mentions at least.  Also, this decision paints Liu Kang in a bad light. It’s no secret Liu Kang made sure his allies had a good life while making some of his enemies’ lives (Shang Tsung and Quan Chi) insignificant to prevent them from turning into their past counterparts. So, it makes me wonder why Liu Kang didn’t think to give Hanzo a good life or at least watch over him. It’s shown that Hanzo is a starving orphan forced to steal for essentials. I have no doubt Liu Kang knows about Hanzo’s past since he met the older and kinder Scorpion in MK11 and Raiden has disclosed Hanzo’s past in MK 9. Plus when Liu Kang fused with the Hourglass, he most likely became aware of what happened in MK9 and MKX. He gave Shao Kahn the chance to be a better man by being the Kingdom’s general- a risk that didn’t pay off, yet didn’t give Hanzo what he always desired- his wife, son, and the Shirai-Ryu. It feels so out of character for Liu Kang to not make sure Hanzo had a good chance at life. 

If I had the opportunity to write Hanzo’s character, it would’ve been very different. I would’ve made him a former Lin Kuei member(he would be 5 or more years older than Bi-Han) who held the Scorpion title until he retired to Japan- where met Harumi and had their son. Hanzo would’ve also been the one to train Kuai Liang in his fire powers in the latter’s childhood. In his honor, Kuai would take the Scorpion mantle after Hanzo retires. Hanzo could also help Kuai and Smoke form the Shirai-Ryu but Harumi helps in recruiting and training while he takes care of their young son. 

Though, I still hold some faith that NRS will write the new Hanzo well. I guess I’m just disappointed because I wanted Hanzo to finally live a happy life where his family stays alive. He was one of my favorites in the MK9-MK11 era so I can’t help but feel a connection towards him.

[episodicnostalgia]

Spider-man: The Animated Series - Season 1 Overview

And so we have arrived at the end of season one, which means it’s time for another seasonal overview! Just like my recent TNG entry, my rating is based on the season’s average. I’ve included the individual episode ratings, along with links to my reviews below, if you care to check them out. But right now let’s get down to business.

Season 1 of ‘Spider-man: The animated series’ has earned a rating of…

2.76 stars (out of 5)

To be clear, I consider anything above three stars as ‘good’ or better, whereas I would consider 2.5 to be “not very good, but entertaining enough for me to not overtly hate on it either.” Needless to say, 2.76 is not an amazing score, but it is a fairly accurate assessment of where the show (thus far) stands. There are both strong and weak episodes alike, but none that I would consider ‘great.’

[If anyone actually cares for me to expand on my rating system, feel free to leave a comment or ‘ask a question’ etc. and I’ll be happy to share, but I won’t pretend it’s not largely subjective. Then again, anyone who rates art claiming to use a purely objective, merit based approach, tends to be (respectfully) at-least-halfway full of shit.]

Overall, I think this is genuinely a solid cartoon for kids, which faithfully brings Spider-man’s merry band of friends-and-foes alike to life. Most of the episodes do a decent job of introducing the characters, while leaving room for their stories to grow and evolve. Ultimately, ‘Spider-man’ would go on to take full advantage of its serialized format, but this season comes with more growing pains than I’d (unsurprisingly) noticed as a child. Either way I think my score reflects that while the show is ideal for children (which, to be fair, is-and-ought-to-be the writer’s main priority), it also falls just short of living up to my rose-coloured childhood memories.

As these things tend to happen, there was something of a push to curb violent content being depicted in children’s programming at the time ‘Spider-man’ was being developed. Evidently it would appear not every show shared the same restrictions, and for whatever reason Spidey ended up with some fairly strange ones. Whether this truly created any disproportionate challenges compared to other shows is pure conjecture (according to showrunner John Semper, it didn't), but it definitely had an impact on the aesthetic. several of the censorship notes included (but were not limited to)…

No punching: Kicking and throwing were totally okay, obviously, since children are famously incapable of imitating those particular acts.

No Pigeons were harmed in the making of this cartoon: Apparently the censors were deeply concerned over the prospect of Spider-man landing on, and/or otherwise harming New York’s resident pigeon population whilst swinging around the rooftops. And no that’s not a joke, that is apparently a real note that John Semper received while the series was being developed. Never mind that wanton pigeon-slaughter has never been a characteristic synonymous with the web-head, or the fact that the animators would have to intentionally go out of their way to painstakingly render multiple frames of animation, in order for that to happen.

Guns are good, bullets are bad: Which is why every gun in the show exclusively discharges laser blasts, and appear to be designed for an 80’s Star Wars cartoon.

Killing, and death were forbidden: And I’m not talking about the act itself; It was already standard practice to prohibit onscreen deaths in virtually every Saturday morning cartoon. No, I’m referring to the use of the actual words. Consequently Spider-man’s enemies all threaten to “destroy” or “eliminate” him, but never kill. They may be criminals, but they’re not monsters.

Bizarre censorship guidelines aside, I’ve also heard the show had a limited budget, consequently some of the animation tends to feel cheap, and would be frequently recycled. Virtually every episode reuses the same explosion effects and sequences of Spider-man swinging over the city (sometimes flipped around if he needed to be traveling in the opposite direction), which is all common enough, but it would also happen with entire action sequences too. For instance, in the first appearance of Dr. Octopus, there’s a sequence where spider-man dodges the good doctor’s tentacles, as they smash into stacks of wooden crates in the background; And in virtually every episode where Doc Ock returns, that same sequence can be found time and again (apparently New York has crates in places that defy reason). That’s just one example, but it was a remarkably common occurrence with the other villains as well, to the point where I remember noticing it as a kid.

That's not to say any of this stuff is enough to ruin the show, but I do feel it affected the final product enough to affect a dip in quality, especially when comparing it to Batman: The animated series, which premiered several years earlier. Nonetheless, ‘Spider-man: TAS’ has still earned its place as the first-and-most comprehensive adaptation of the character, and arguably the best, at least up until the release of ‘Spectacular Spider-man’ roughly a decade later. With everything it had going against it, I find myself admiring the sheer earnestness and visual creativity on display. Whatever it lacks in style and production value, it more than makes up for in heart, creating a world not dissimilar from the ones I’d imagined while smashing plastic action figures together on a bookshelf-turned-skyscraper.

So maybe season one isn’t technically as strong as I remember, but it will always be a classic.

Night of the Lizard - 3 The Spider Slayer - 3.5 Return of the Spider Slayers - 3 Doctor Octopus: Armed and Dangerous - 3 The Menace of Mysterio - 2.5 The Sting of the Scorpion - 2 Kraven the Hunter - 3 The Alien Costume, Part 1 - 3.5 The Alien Costume, Part 2 - 3.5 The Alien Costume, Part 3 - 3 The Hobgoblin, Part 1 - 2.5 The Hobgoblin, Part 2 - 2.5 Day of the Chameleon - 1

[windburnedeyes]

Quick Review: Scorpion EXO ST1400 Evo Helmet

[all-souls-matinee]

Quick-bite reviews: Witchboard 2 (1993) dir. Kevin Tenney

When Paige Benedict finds a Ouija board in her loft closet she takes up with the helpful spirit of a past tenant, but her friends and neighbors doubt its identity and motives.

With the same writer/director and the same stylization choices as the original Witchboard this is largely the same movie, but I was down for that because it means the nose dive in the quality (or, here, heartfelt bizarreness) common to horror sequels isn't an issue. I like that it takes on even more of a mystery angle than the first and that it's clear everyone had a blast making it. Crucially and most importantly to me they doubled down on 'SoCal witch shop' as a key location, and it's the best scene in the movie if not the occult genre as a whole. Of course a ghost would lie about being murdered to sound interesting on a first date!

Unfortunately, where the ensemble cast of the '86 movie was charmingly odd these guys are all insufferable. I liked Paige, but Movie makes it difficult at every turn by insisting she's whiny and insecure so needs tough love from her cop ex-boyfriend who looks 20 years older than anyone else. Who else is going to stop the ouija board from giving her confidence by making her say 'fuck' and dress slutty?* Oh, well there's always alternate 'nerd' love interest who looks like a failed magician and won't stop calling her a stupid bitch!!! It's a shame because I really like the women in the first movie and there are glimpses of that here (shoutout to the dropped subplot of Paige having weird chemistry with her office nemesis), but they more often feel the butt of the joke than in on it.

*her funeral outfit was delightful; don't let anyone tell you otherwise Paige

Buy a ticket? So long as you've seen the original you can skip it, although I will say my sibling and I were like 'wouldn't it be funny if the sequel had the exact same ending stinger as the first movie just beat-for-beat?' and it DID.

[mrstsung]

Should i do mortal kombat character reviews,game reviews,or movie/show reviews?

Poll below:

[this-is-lit]

The Vampire And The Scorpion:

Book One of the Blood and Venom Saga Kindle Edition

by K. E. Beale

My name is Ava Monroe, failing student at Kinwich University, and what started as a scheme to make my ex jealous has turned into a nightmare. I have a choice: join a coven of vampires, werewolves, witches and shapeshifters, or suffer a long, bloody death at the hands of the coven’s tyrannical leader. He will stop at nothing to keep his coven a secret from humans. Unless I pass a trial to prove I’m worthy of membership, who knows what warped execution method he’ll use? To top it off, I’m distracted with impure thoughts about another coven member: a tall, brooding vampire with long legs and a backside that makes me tingle in the most inconvenient places. Will I pass my trial? Or will I lose my humanity trying to survive?

The Vampire and the Scorpion is K.E. Beale’s first novel in a planned series. Ava is a lost soul looking to fill the void in her life where Family should be. The novel opens with Ava going through the motions during her last year in college, realizing the found family she sought in the community of students isn’t what she anticipated it to be. On an ill-fated night, she goes home with an odd man from a dance club to make her ex-boyfriend jealous, only to find herself in a world she never imagined existing, embroiled in intrigues centuries old, and with a timer over her head to join or become another face on a missing poster.

As worldbuilding goes, this novel does a good job of adhering to old supe lore while adding in new touches; it succeeds at finding a middle ground with the explanation of lore between readers who have less experience with these worlds and readers who cut their teeth on high fantasy. The novel is slow to start with the prose feeling stilted, perfunctory, and like statements of facts. The characters’ voices aren’t unique enough to be distinguishable without the prose providing names to who’s speaking. Instead of a rich cast, the side characters are flat, depthless, and almost caricatures, à la Jerk Ex, Party Girl, Sympathetic Best Friend, and Mentor. Ava’s inner monologue is void of where you would reasonably find rich emotions, instead, the reader frequently knows what Ava is thinking only when she says it bluntly in dialogue. The first and second acts of the narrative feel rushed to establish camaraderie, emotional beats feel unearned given Ava’s circumstances and timeline, and the violence the Beale warns about seems like a shortcut to establish the brutality of this world without actually building up real menace or terror. The third act is where the narrative really begins, and the hope is the upcoming books in the series carry this momentum. The spice content is minimal, but one of the better-written parts of the story, and hopefully is explored to maximum effect in the upcoming novels.

Readers who are looking for a more robust narrative and experienced prose may not find much engagement in this story, but if you’re looking for a good beach read, this isn’t a bad way to while away a lazy afternoon. One last thing to note is the promise of the exploration of “polyamorous and LGBT+ relationships” is unfulfilled in the first book, so readers who select this title with that in mind should expect these themes will appear in the next titles.

I received an ACR from StoryOrigin

[ryukang1995]

Even after the 2021 reboot, this is still my favorite Mortal Kombat movie.

While it may not have the blood and gore that is synonymous with the games, it still genuinely captured the tone and spirit of the franchise.

The plot moves at such a brisk pace, and I love how simple it is compared to the other MK movies, which normally try to cram in as much of the lore and characters as possible (or at least their takes on them).

The cast is excellent. Robin Shou as Liu Kang is truly the heart and soul of the film for me (it also helps that he contributed greatly to the film's production). Linden Ashby was honestly the best Johnny Cage in the entire franchise. You also have Christopher Lambert as Raiden and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Shang Tsung, both of whom go over-the-top in the best way possible while still being extremely charismatic and charming.

Of course, Mortal Kombat is a Martial Arts movie based on a fighting game franchise, so one expects the movie to excel on the action, and it does just that as you have some truly entertaining fight scenes, especially Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion and Liu Kang vs. Reptile, both of which were choreographed by Robin Shou (which goes back to how he contributed to the production).

Visually, this movie looks great. Sure, the special effects haven't aged well, but the cinematography and production design still look great as ever. Paul W.S. Anderson truly showed potential here, despite his later works being mostly garbage, but I always thought he was a great visual director.

You also have that amazing soundtrack. Obviously, the Mortal Kombat theme song by The Immortals (a side project by Lords of Acid) as well as the remix by Utah Saints, but you also have some great Electronic and Metal songs from the likes of KMFDM, Orbital, Fear Factory, etc.

Mortal Kombat (1995) is actually still my favorite video game movie. While they have gotten better lately with the likes of The Super Mario Bros. Movie and the two Sonic the Hedgehog movies, all of which were solid, this definitely set the bar earlier.

That's all for now.

[felismors]

DRAKEVEMBER PART 3: A tired review of Scorpion by Drake

via rateyourmusic

DRAKEVEMBER PART 3

A lot of this album completely failed to keep my attention, and I think that's probably gonna be a trend with the rest of the Drake albums I have to listen to. I fear for my sanity! This album is extremely boring, but it has three absolute gems in there that are good enough to bump it up an entire point. The entire album feels like buildup and afterglow for Nice For What. Absolutely amazing song. Drake appropriating queer culture before Honestly, Nevermind sounds absolutely incredible, especially because he got Big Freedia herself, and got an absolutely incredible chopped up Lauryn Hill sample. I can't think of a pop rap song that hits this hard released in the entire second half of the 2010s. It's a diamond in the rough. In My Feelings is also good, it has some crazy sampling that does also sound like something you can vogue to. Drake should really just start overtly pandering to the gays like Beyoncé did. Aubrey, stop being a fucking coward and become WOKE already This album, with the exception of one track, is gonna leave my memory the second I press the save review button.

SCORE: 2/5

listen on spotify

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | The Scorpion With Two Tails (Martino, 1982)

I don’t know if I’d call this a full on giallo, but it certainly is giallo-adjacent, so it’s interesting to consider this next to two more notable entries in the genre from the same year. Tenebre and The New York Ripper feel definitive. The former feels like the genre devouring itself, the latter feels like an explosion of its ugliest tendencies. There were certainly movies made in the genre afterwards, but they feel in a way like its final statements. This comparatively feels stodgy and inessential. There is enough in the way of classic genre elements, with the line between literal and perhaps less literal realities of the movie dissolving. But there is little of the viciousness of the other movies, little of the sense of audience complicity. The kills are bloodless, and instead rely on 180-degree head twists, an image the movie trots out regularly to amusing results. The one thing that makes this stand out are the archeological elements, which seem like an attempt to cash in on Raiders of the Lost Ark.

This is directed by Sergio Martino, who a decade earlier could be considered one of the masters of the genre, but at this point was trotting out extremely low wattage thrills in stuff like The Great Alligator, which is fun to veg out to but not terribly exciting. This is a similarly low energy affair, and it’s maddening to think it was originally supposed to a TV miniseries, presumably with endless, endless head twist scenes to fill the extra hours of runtime. Even more than most Italian horrors, this has a somnambulist quality to the proceedings.

So this is not very good, but I like the flavour of these Italian horrors, even in an extremely diluted form, so I had some fun with this even if I was zoning out pretty hard at times. The stuff with the Etruscan tombs is pretty fun and gives you some of the juice you can expect from the poster. And as these movies tend to reuse a lot of common cast members, I had fun once again hanging out with my good friends John Saxon and Paolo Malco, the latter of whom has one scene that justifies the price of admission. And I do not know if Elvire Audray is a great actress, but she pulls off the furrowed brows and startled reactions you need in this kind of material.

[reversemoon255]

Legend King-Ohger

Just wanted to say, along with this, I got a copy of the Don Onitaijin mask. Even though I wasn’t particularly interested in it, I had initially qualified for the promotion, and the store I bought these from, Tokullectibles, made sure to send me an extra when they found they had spares in stock. It’s just a nice bit of appreciated customer service is all.

The Good: Each of these is a neat individual toy on their own. Kabuto has posable wings and legs that can support his weight, Scorpion has semi-posable arms, a posable tail, and ball joints in each of its chromes extremities, and Batta is a bit of a brick, but all three also have a spring gimmick. Batta can jump a bit, Scorpion has a trigger for its tail, and Kabuto’s horn moves. I also love their colors, but black/gold/pop is kinda my aesthetic.

As for the combinations, each one never feels like it’s too much of a burden for King-Ohger, despite their size. And while they’re all a bit big, with King-Ohger’s level of posability it can get into a fair deal of good poses with each of them. It’s also quite impressive with all three attached.

The Bad: The main issue is just how unwieldy they all are, especially when everything is combined. King-Ohger already has a bunch of parts sticking off it, and Kabuto and Batta both add a bunch more. As these things are also big, even if not as heavy as you’d expect, it does affect King-Ohger’s balance. It may take a minute of two to get it standing.

Overall, I think they’re neat. Love the colors, Kabuto is an awesome bug, Scorpion is an awesome weapon, and Batta makes them look great as a cohesive package. (Also, it may be confirmed that Magazord 3′s combo requires all the ShuGods for it’s final form, so told you so.)

[musicmags]

[softsophos]

Peer Review Time! Let's rate episodes my friend gave 5 Stars when they watched for the first time

[episodicnostalgia]

Spider-man: The Animated Series, 106 (Mar. 11, 1995) - “The Sting of the Scorpion”

Written by: John Semper Jr, Marty Isdenberg, & Robert N. Skir Directed by: Bob Richardson

The Breakdown

Peter Parker catches an investigator (guy called Mac Gargan) tailing him, and quickly traces it back to J. Jonah Jameson.  Naturally this is all part of JJ’s obsessive manhunt for Spider-man, as he figures Pete might know the webhead’s whereabouts based on all the spidey-selfies he’s sold to the Bugle; which honestly, seems like something Pete should have seen coming. Fortunately, Peter finds out what’s going on when he catches Gargan and Jonah colluding at the Bugle (say THAT ten times fast). UNfortunately, he overplays his hand by confronting Jameson as Spider-man, and issuing several thinly veiled threats of physical violence to be carried out if he ever “catches parker taking photos of him again”, all as part of a horrendously ill-conceived ploy to throw Jonah off the scent.  The problem is that ol’ JJ’s intolerance for masks is tied directly his wife’s murder, killed by a masked crime lord after Jonah wouldn’t give into his demands to bury a story.  Naturally, Spidey’s intimidation tactics have now freshly re-aggravated that very same haunting trauma.  With a new resolve to bring Spider-man to justice, Jameson pursues the only logical course of action; call the empire state university genetics lab, so that he can create his very own masked vigilante to defeat the wall-crawler.

Jameson arranges for his buddy Professor Stillwell to use the Neogenic Recombinator (last seen transforming Curt Conners into the Lizard) on Mac Gargan, who volunteers as the guinea pig for a new experiment, since Spider-man also humiliated him.  Predictably everything falls apart after that.  Mac Gargan gets turned into the scorpion, goes crazy, continues mutating beyond Stillwell’s control, and decides the only way to cure himself is to blow up a nuclear reactor (The Neogenic Recombinator uses radiation, of which there is only the one type, so it all makes perfect sense when you think about it).  Thankfully Spider-man subdues the Scorpion, and successfully prevents the impending atomic explosion from destroying New York.  In the process, Jonah learns a valuable lesson about creating supervillains (turns out it’s a bad idea), so naturally he goes Scott free, unlike Gargan who’s transformation into a human/scorpion monstrosity will haunt him for the rest of his life (which will be spent in prison). JUSTICE!

The Verdict

From the outset, this series was besought by budgetary constraints which had a notable impact on the quality of the animation, but this is one of the first episodes where it’s impossible to ignore.  On top of all the usual corner-cutting tactics (recycled sequences from previous episodes etc.) the animation in this episode looks especially stilted and clunky, resulting everything from Spider-man’s acrobatics, to the Scorpion himself to appear awkward and wooden.  Often, the villain-origin-episodes look a little fresher, but this one apparently drew the short straw.

I’d be more inclined to forgive the animation if the story had more to offer, but even that falls flat. It’s not like this show was ever known for it’s nuanced storytelling, but even as far as action/adventure stories go, this one is by-the-numbers and predictable.  I also take issue with how Jonah is never made to take accountability for the creation of the Scorpion, as both he and Stillwell should have reasonably been arrested along with Gargan.  I realize I’m being a bit pedantic over children’s cartoon, but I remember this bothering me even as a kid, and I bet even this show would have better addressed Jonah’s culpability if he hadn’t been a key character.

2 stars (out of 5)

Additional Observations

We’re given a tragic backstory to J. Jonah Jameson that’s meant to explain his hatred for Spider-man, but since the character effectively never develops or changes it’s might as well be meaningless.  This perfectly highlights the main issue I’ve always had with Jonah, namely that he’s perpetually stuck in loop of hating Spider-man, while constantly having his prejudices proven wrong.  It’s a dynamic that grows stale quickly without any long-standing consequences, in either direction.  He's never held accountable for his actions, nor does he ever accept responsibility for abusing his media platform (which he apparently takes seriously).  It’s a point I’d be less inclined to raise over a kids show, especially one from the 90's, but this particular episode features the character so heavily that it’s hard to ignore.

This is the second supervillain to be created by the Neogenic Recombinator, a one-of-a-kind prototype that can apparently create super powered beings in mere moments, with wildly unpredictable results that regularly lead to violence. I gotta say, whoever’s funding this research really needs to pay closer attention, because there is ZERO chance that Stillwell’s experiments are upholding any kind of ethical standards.  Although I’m sure the university has finally learned their lesson, and placed a full time security detail on the recombinator.  Because I'll tell ya, If they’re not careful, that thing is liable to create an entire season’s worth of mayhem.

The episode is bookended by Pete’s love life with Felicia, which she initially balks at because she’d rather keep him as a tutor than a boyfriend.  Peter ends up ditching her for a Spider-emergency, but she believes he was playing hard-to-get, and this makes her so perplexed that she ultimately agrees to a date (because men usually don’t reject her, which I suppose might be frustrating if that’s you’re kink.  Ours is not to judge).  The show frames this as a win for Pete who’s just happy to be given a chance with her, but looking back with an adult perspective, their whole dynamic is pretty unhealthy.

While we’re discussing Pete’s love life, I’m left to wonder if this episode was originally meant to take place earlier in the series. Felicia and Pete have already been shown in a romantic light on more than one occasion prior to this, which makes her apprehension at dating him seemingly out of character.  Additionally, When Aunt May invites Peter to have lunch with her and the Watsons (including MJ), Pete seems less than thrilled about, even though he was hot for her in the very last episode.  I suppose teenagers are fickle.