kiatastic

[kiatastic]

Hashtag Blessed.

If I learned anything in 2020, it’s this: Blessings make a lousy ruler for measuring God’s love. Now before you hit the exit button, let me explain.

When we first went under lockdown in March, one thing was very clear to me: despite my desires, the Lord clearly allowed the pandemic to collide with my wedding plans. Processing that reality made the first two weeks of Quarantine pretty brutal for me. I mean, really. I was inundated with my own emotions. Just me, my far-fetched thoughts, endless scrolling on Instagram and way too many frozen pizzas. I spent a lot of time comparing myself to friends and other influencers on Instagram who had their “dream wedding” day as planned. While sauntering through my feed and gazing enviously at those perfectly posed bridal pictures, I thought to myself: “God must love her more than me. He orchestrated her day to go perfectly. He allowed mine to get canceled.” 

It may sound crazy... but it’s true. And God used this season to uproot that twisted theology in my heart. That silly theory that the temporary, finite things God gives us are worthy to serve as proof of His eternal, infinite love. Using the presence or absence of any blessing to understand God’s love is like using a five-foot measuring tape to understand the width of the Atlantic Ocean. You just can’t do it.

Life was as close to perfect as it could be for me prior to the pandemic. Aside from a few stressful days at work, there wasn’t too much not going my way. And when things are going well, it’s hard to distinguish God’s blessings from God’s love. The two seem synonymous. Inseparable. Borderline dependent on each other. But are tangible gifts even worthy of representing God’s intangible love? Absolutely not.

A promotion at work. A new car or house. A relationship... these are the kind of “blessings” I used as a barometer to validate God’s love for me. I felt “loved” or “blessed” when He answered my prayers in my favor. There’s an issue with that theology, though. What about when He withholds the relationship? The job? The new car? God forbid He take those things away. But if He does... is His love for you any less? Are you any less blessed? Absolutely not. 

It’s the heart of Job, who cried these words with his whole heart when God allowed him to lose everything: 

“...The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord.” 

Job 1:21

So Job chose to bless God, even when he did not feel very blessed. You know why? Because Job was blessed. Let’s look at what Jesus tells us about those who are blessed. Matthew 5 says Jesus got on top of a mountain to say this. I don’t know about you, but if I had to hike a mountain to say something, it better be important! : 

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Those who are poor in spirit. Those who mourn. The persecuted. Those aren’t exactly ideal conditions for good Instagram content. I’m not sure the average influencer would throw a “#blessed” hashtag behind that. But you know what? That’s the mystery of the Gospel. In the upside-down economy of Christ, we are blessed because of who we are, not what we have. Those who have accepted their identity in Christ are given gifts that money would not dare attempt to afford. Ephesians 1 says this:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself...

I hate to admit it, but being equipped with “every spiritual blessing” meant nothing to me until the physical blessings started to disappear. Peace goes unappreciated until chaos shows up. Joy isn’t needed until things stop making me happy. Love. Longsuffering. Faithfulness. Self-control... these are the fruits that make us blessed. Not our homes, careers or relationships. Even those who don’t belong to Christ have that.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:2

Now I’m not saying that we cannot desire these things. And I am certainly not saying they don’t come from God. What I am saying, is that the presence or absence of tangible things will never prove the intangible love of God. Instead, accept this truth:

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

 Romans 8:38-39

[kiatastic]

Invisible Signs

"Destiny” was the destination plugged into my GPS... or at least that’s where I thought I was headed. Going at the begging-for-a-ticket speed of 90 miles per hour in the slow lane, I tried to exit my time on the highway a little too early. I slammed on my breaks and pulled into a lot full of empty parking spots. Out of sheer laziness, I swerved into the handicap spot under the assumption that no one would notice I didn’t belong there. I backed into the space and glanced at the bright blue sign through my rear-view mirror. It read “Faithless Drivers Only.” Whoop, there it is. Instead of trusting the path God set before me on the highway without the end in sight, I chose to only follow what I could see - a sign.

I aimlessly drove my car in circles; somewhere between point A and point B with the engine light flashing. I continued to park in handicapped spots that never had my name on them  – asking for signs and shut doors when the answers to my prayers were hidden in plain sight on the paged of God’s Word. Though it seemed like the Lord went radio-silent on me, He was shouting the answers through my GPS all along. I wasn’t tuned into God’s Positioning System. The truth is, God could care less about my Bible app streak of 245. Quite frankly, reading the “verse of the day” on the toilet before getting ready for work doesn’t count. I treated reading the Bible like homework instead of heart work. No wonder I couldn’t hear the Navigator’s instructions.

I was callous to the Holy Spirit. Perhaps when I first began my relationship with God, the shallow methods of discerning His voice like quotes from preachers I followed on Instagram were tolerated. But just like a child who matures is expected to do better, the Lord expects the same of my faith. He wasn’t here for my sob story. I believe the route God desired to take me on was tailored specifically for the maturity of my faith. It required me to ignore the alluring alternate routes labeled “Exit ramp” and keep driving.

With a full-force start to my career, I went from being a top 5 graduate of KSU’s school of information systems to accepting employment with one of Fortune’s top 5 companies. I completed master’s level work (for $free.99) with Indiana University, lead data analytics abroad as a resident in Paris, France, and traveled to over 13 countries - all on my company’s dime. Two years later I graduated from the Digital Technology Leadership Program, moved back to Atlanta, GA and found myself at a crossroads. The same company that served the career of a lifetime to me on a sliver platter was now announcing an upcoming layoff of 13,000 employees.

The office grew emptier as weeks went by. Co-workers were curved and dismissed left and right. After dancing with denial for about a month, I decided to start plotting my “Plan B”. I heard about a role in Supply Chain IT role at Chick-Fil-A Corporate from a former colleague and decided to go for it. It was rumored that the average applicant could interview anywhere from three months to over a year. That leaves plenty of time to decide if I wanted to jump ship, right?

Wrong. On the contrary... things escalated quickly. To my surprise, I breezed through my technical exam interview, HR screenings and conversations with Senior IT leadership. Within a few short weeks, I was offered a Business Analyst position on Chick-Fil-A’s Supply Chain Strategy & Design team in Digital Technology. For the first time in a while, I had absolutely no idea what to do. I prayed for the Lord to give me clear direction. There was no indication that I was even close to losing my job. The longer I prayed, the more I heard tumbleweeds rolling by. After several of silence, God only spoke two words to my spirit:

“Be still.”

What exactly am I supposed to do with that? At the time, I was studying Exodus which is a drama-filled truth about how God rescued Israel from slavery under the Egyptian empire. When it was time for them to crossover to the promised land, their enemies showed up on site behind them. In short, the Israelites started freaking out. God told Moses to pass on this command the people:

“Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” — Exodus 14:13

‭‭In other words, God said “chill out.” In the midst of playing out every possible scenario that could happen as a result of me leaving my current job or staying, I drove myself crazy. Over the next several days, the words “Be still” were reinforced throughout my day from relevant worship songs on my playlist to the verses I read in personal devotion. God was driving this point home until my soul was resting:

“...Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” - Psalm 46:10

I had seven days to accept or decline my offer. Day six approached and I had not “heard” a yes or no from God. This is where it gets tough. What do you do when you don’t get the answer you’re praying for? Better yet, what do you do when you get no answer at all? You lean into God’s Word and move in faith. We often underestimate our ability to make wise decisions, but we must remember that every child of God has a 24/7 Helper dwelling within him/her. That Helper is the Holy Spirit. The same Holy Spirit who hovered over the face of the waters and took an active role in creating this universe with wisdom (Proverbs 3:19) also lives within you.

I believe the Lord was silent on purpose. When we have clear signs, we really don’t have to trust Him. Faith is built on what cannot be seen. If we can see it, it doesn’t require faith. It is the absence of knowing what lies ahead that requires faith in Jesus Christ. And so, I moved forward in faith and accepted my role at Chick-Fil-A. To date, I’ve had many exciting opportunities like leading a devotion at work, receiving two promotions within my first year, and speaking to the Women in Technology group at the University of Southern California. 

I’ve only scratched the surface of hearing from God - and let me be the first to say I have a lot to learn. I’d like to leave you with three thoughts to ponder:

1. Hearing God’s voice is a muscle. The more you work it out, the more capacity you have to hear. John 10:27 says “my sheep know my voice”. If you don’t feel like you ever “hear” from God, tell Him that. He speaks uniquely to each person through His Word, prayer, other people, dreams, music... I could go on and on. All it takes is consistent time in prayer and reading the Word. The more you do, the more familiar you will become with the personality of God and how He speaks uniquely to you.

2. Affirmation is often on the other side of obedience. You may not ever be 100% confident you are making the right decision, but that’s the whole purpose of faith. The day after I accepted my offer, I received a promotion offer from my manager. At first, I felt I made a huge mistake by moving to Chick-Fil-A... but I believe the Lord withheld that promotion opportunity while I made a decision to protect me from being influenced by what I COULD see. Though the promotion offer seemed more appealing at the time, I chose not to retract my acceptance from Chick-Fil-A. Just four months after leaving the company, I received my first promotion. I was promoted again 10 months later. There’s no way I could have ever predicted God’s blessing on my career. I received it after moving on an invisible sign.

3. Believe that God is sovereign. If you honestly, truly believe that all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), you will realize that includes the bad as well. God’s plan is not contingent on your ability to make perfect decisions. He’s already factored in our imperfections into the journey. He’s just that sovereign. Don’t let fear of making the wrong decision stifle your ability to move in faith.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. - 2 Timonthy 1:7

God isn’t blowing smoke when He says “Trust Me.” It’s not a suggestion. It’s a command. ‘Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? See how the flowers grow? They don’t labor. If that’s how God clothes grass of the field, will He not much more clothe you - you of little faith? So don’t worry. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness.’ Align your desires with His. Then, all these things will be given to you. Don’t worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself.

[kiatastic]

2-14: Single Ladies Only

You had to be there to see it. I was sashaying down the long, wooden center aisle of the church in a white, mermaid-style gown. Strapless, sweetheart neckline. Dramatic train that stretched for miles. The closer I walked, the louder the piano music grew. I grasped the arrangement of pastel roses in my hands. Through the thin layer of white tulle that covered my face, I could see a cross on the wall in the distance. I looked up and smiled as I arrived at the end of the walkway and took a deep breath before the officiator uttered these words: “I now pronounce you . . . single for the rest of your life.”

That’s how I felt every time someone told me to “enjoy my single season”. This is the vision (or fear) I had every time I was told God was all I needed. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind” – I got it. But the end of the day, Jesus is not bae. He is Lord. A part of me will never understand why people act like they can cuddle their Savior. That notion actually disturbed me. Anyway, I tried my best to embrace the big S on my chest and there was nothing super about it. “Single” was not just a status; it was my identity… and that was the problem.

If you are anything like me, I’m genuinely surprised you’re here.

I do not take pride in admitting I have constantly robbed myself of any form of encouragement around this time of year by disqualifying advice from any woman who was “happily taken”. In my emotional, distorted view of the world I believed all women in relationships were desensitized to the loneliness, frustration – and dare I say down-right impatience with God that being single brought upon me. Anyone who tried to give me their two cents about why I should “enjoy” my singleness got their credibility card revoked – ASAP. I listened, smiled, and moved on.

Well, for the next fifteen minutes – I implore you to activate my credibility card. I have spent ninety percent of my teenage, college and young adult life with a solid incapability of relating to anything involving relationships. I have, however, had plenty experience avoiding the Hallmark card section of Target, fighting the urge to compare myself to friends who were “taken” and being cut off by guys after politely declining their sleepover invitations while trying to date the right way. 

In fact, I once waited by my phone like a sixteen-year-old girl anticipating replies every hour from a football player I thought I was lucky to be on regular “texting terms” with. This went on for about a week until he invited me over. “You will probably be tired, so you should just spend the night”, he suggested. After telling him he had the wrong girl, it was not enough for him to leave me alone. Nope. He told me I was wasting his time, deleted my number from his phone and blocked me on Instagram. As much as I would love to tell you story after story, I hope you get the point. 

When you’ve lived through something so long, you don’t forget how it feels. I am not desensitized. I get it and I’m here to encourage you with things that helped me find my relationship turn my single life into joy… which brings me to my first of three points:

1.      “Comparison is the thief of all joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt

I am blessed to have a solid group of wonderful friends. Wonderfully, taken friends. My girls are the bomb.com. They are fine, and they are SNATCHED. They are mathematicians, world travelers, and teachers. They are Proverbs 31 in the flesh! Who wouldn’t want one of them? Deep down, I was truly happy for the people around me (and on social media) who were in relationships. At the same time, I could not help but wonder “what’s wrong with me?” I began comparing what I did not have to what others did and found myself seeing a watered-down, false reflection of who I was when I looked in the mirror. In Lisa Bevere’s book titled Without Rival, she says that comparison cheats us and this earth of who we truly are.

God did something extraordinary when He created you. Every gift, ability, personality trait and feature you have was planted with love and exquisite detail inside of you before the foundation of the world. When you compare yourself to others, you lose sight of the things that make you unique – the things nobody else will ever have the privilege of bringing to the table. If you are always looking at what others have and you don’t, you will completely miss the scope of what actually sets you apart from the next person. I constantly went on social media breaks to give my mind rest. It was the only way I learned not to look at what others had. On those hiatuses, the Lord got my attention and started showing me who I am through His Word. I was much happier! I took no shame in falling off to let Him take care of me.

2.      Loneliness is a vicious void. Only the Lord can fill it.

I know some women who spend more time in relationships than they do as singles. The “breaks” from one relationship to the next are more like a couple of breaths. I’m not throwing shade at anyone who takes that approach – but for me, it was absolutely mandatory for me to brace the storm also known as “my single season”. Why would God give me a boyfriend before I learned to delight in Him? If that were the case, I would not be able to distinguish the joy of the Lord (which is my strength [Nehemiah 8:10]) from the mere infatuation, butterflies and short-term happiness that “talking” to guys gave me.

Through college I falsely boasted in being “Miss Independent”. Captain “I-Don’t-Need-A-Man”. While I remained single, I was not filling myself with the Word of God and what it said about me. I filled myself with the words of guys I found attractive. Good morning texts and dates (that went nowhere) were what reassured me I was beautiful. Starting my post-college career away from everyone I knew exposed the fact that I was not as strong – or independent as I thought I was.

My mistake was pretending to stand on my own two feet while simultaneously entertaining FaceTime calls and casual dates from guys I knew were only good for short-term attention. “God first” in the bio section of his Instagram page was the only prerequisite I needed to justify my actions. At the surface, FaceTime calls and movie dates were harmless. At the same time, I was temporarily quenching my thir- ok, yes, I admit it. Thirst. I was thirsty! I was also empty and unsatisfied. It felt good in the moment, but that moment always ended quickly.

In the most graceful way possible, that’s what Jesus told the Samaritan woman He met on His way to Galilee – that she was thirsty. She had been through five different marriages. I love the fact that Jesus spent very little time convicting her of her sin and much more time addressing the root of the issue – her void.  He told her, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.” He went on to say:

“Every person who drinks this water will be thirsty again. But whoever drinks the water I give will never be thirsty again. The water I give will become a spring of water flowing inside him.” – John 4:13

Looking to relationships or guys to fulfill me was like the running water in my bathroom sink. No matter how long I ran it, the water never filled it up. It would drain almost immediately. When I (finally) learned to stop up the drain, the water filled to the top – sometimes overflowing. That’s what I want for you – for your sink to overflow. The good news is you don’t need a relationship for that. In fact, a relationship won’t get you there. Only your relationship with the Lord will. No, your relationship with God was not meant to replace a romantic one. However, it was meant to satisfy your spirit. In Psalm 91:16 the Lord says He will satisfy us.

It is the Lord’s job to satisfy you, and He intends to get you there regardless of whether you have a man or not. Is that comforting to anyone besides me? I got to the point where I wanted to have that under my belt before walking in any relationship. I knew if I did not, I would destroy the relationship. I am not encouraging you to seek the Lord to replace your desire for relationship. I am encouraging you to seek Him because He never intended your next relationship – or even marriage to fully satisfy your heart. Only God can do that.

3.      Be real with God. He can handle your honesty.

God promises that He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). The caveat to that is delighting in Him – which means you allow Him to transform your heart to be in tune with His will. It took me five years (from my senior year of high school to my first year of adulting post-college) to get on my knees and cry. To yell. To drill my face into my living room floor. To tell God that I wanted Him to be enough – but didn’t truly believe He was. When the light bulb finally went off – when I finally got on my knees and decided to have a real conversation with Him about my problem, the healing process began. My Bible is christened with so many tear stains while struggling through that process but I would not trade it for anything.

“But you walked away from your first Love—why? What’s going on with you? Do you have any idea how far you’ve fallen? Turn back! Recover your dear early love. No time to waste…” - Revelation 2:4-6

Why was I so afraid to admit it? God already knew. Frankly, He wanted to patch up my void much more than I did. I came face to face with the reality that I was not delighting in Him. God is not requiring you to delight in Him for His own selfish benefit – it’s for yours. There is absolutely no way I would be happy in my relationship without first delighting in God. Gary Thomas puts it this way in his book, The Sacred Search:

“You’re not trying to replace God by finding your perfect match – that’s desperation. You are already perfectly loved and looking for someone who can help you grow in and share that love – that’s security. We are well loved, well cared for, adored by the One who knows us best, and secure in His acceptance, love, affirmation, and purpose. While it can be a tremendous ego boost to have someone seem like they are desperate for you, ask yourself if you are willing to play the role of God in their life. Do you want to join your future with someone who has allowed God to have such a small role in their life that another fallen human being would determine their happiness?”

Let this part sink in: You are already perfectly loved. You are already perfectly cared for. You are adored by the One who knows you best. The thirst I felt when I was single was nothing more than my own emptiness. It was my masked hunger for God. Because I filled it with the temporary, it satisfied me less and less – until I was not satisfied at all. I am not here to ask you to embrace your singleness. I am here to tell you to embrace Love. Love is not a feeling. Love is a Person. 1 John 4:8 says “God is Love.” Don’t you think the Person who invented love knows exactly what your heart needs? How you need to be loved? Who your future spouse should be? He loves uniquely with pursuit. He gets it and He feels you. Let Him carry you.

My prayer is that your will be anchored in Truth today. Some say they crave a love “so deep that the ocean would be jealous”. Many fail to realize that God is Love. That means you already have that kind of love – and He is jealous for you.

With Love,

Nakia

[kiatastic]

Winter: Declaration of Dependence

"…and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, 'My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

Branches of encumbrance, insecurity and uncertainty hovered high over my head – stemming from giant trees of circumstance and plight. The sun was inconspicuously placed behind overcast clouds of grey and white. Hues of red, yellow and green that once bounced off the sun’s rays onto autumn leaves were now withering to a faded brown. Plummeting temperatures continued downward like a free fall not to strip me of comfort - but to teach me how to appreciate the Warmth that was present all along. On the coldest days of winter, my Warmth was found in 2 Corinthians 12:9.

In retrospect I know it was not by accident that I started my career in a role with the nature of drastic change every six months. A new job, manager, city, apartment, circle of friends, church, and hair stylist… an entire change of pace several times for two years straight. It was not a reminder - but a new lesson each rotation about why I did NOT have life figured out. Why I would be completely in over my head to think for a split second that I could accomplish anything lucrative within the small confinement of my own abilities. Why the very breath I exhaled was actually dependent on something – some One bigger than just the two lungs in my body. And so, each rotation was a declaration of dependence. John 15:5 is pretty clear:

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing.”

So, it was time to start from scratch. Again. The movers cleared out my apartment in Nowhere, Tennessee as I packed the few remaining valuables in the back of my Honda Accord. I made an 11-hour trek from Selmer, TN to Houston, TX for my second role as an Engineering IT Security Projects Leader. On day one of the job, that title seemed so daunting to me. How on earth was I supposed to lead a team of well-seasoned engineers when I was only seven months deep into my IT career? Though I knew very little on day one, I learned so much about IT security & risk, engineering, and finance during that rotation. It was trial by fire. Challenges at work lead me to prayer over and over again. I knew I needed Help to deliver the results expected of me. Life on my own continued to provide nothing but space and opportunity to get to know the Lord and trust Him for myself.

Before I knew it, it was time to submit preferences for my next role. For once I did not care what my responsibilities would be or what my title was. I had a serious case of home-sickness and (I thought) the cure was living in a city with a short, drive-able distance back to Atlanta. "Lord, I really have no idea where I'm supposed to go next", I said as I threw myself on my hand-me-down sofa. I needed His direction - and I wasn't hearing a word from Him. I asked God to clearly show me where He wanted me to go next.

Two days later, I shuffled into my cube at 8:06 A.M. I was greeted with an unusually titled email from my manager that read "Call me". I immediately went into instant-replay mode - thinking back to everything I could have possibly done wrong over the past several months. "Oh great, what did I do?" I loathed. My manager proceeded to ask me if I would consider moving to Paris for my next rotation. "Don't trip, Nakia. Surely she means Paris, TX" I said to myself. That is actually a city just a few hours from where I was living in Houston. As she kept talking, she quickly briefed me on applying for a Visa, brushing up on French and how many bags I was allowed to take on the plane. "Oh shoot. She's definitely asking me to move to France”, I thought in my head. In addition to talking to myself, I was also speaking with my manager and the Lord all at the same time. I said to Him, "Are you serious, God? Is this the answer to my prayer? I asked to go closer to home and you want to send me 4,000 miles further away?” I was in complete disbelief.

A few moments of silence passed. "So, what do you think?", my manager asked. After pulsing with a few people I trusted and reconsidering my prayer to the Lord for direction, I decided to go for it. I cannot tell you what God's audible voice sounds like – but I know beyond the shadow of the doubt that He speaks through prayer, people and situations (just to name a few). Proverbs 3:5 says to “trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way”. There’s a reason why the Lord does not give us every step of the path at once. By giving one direction at a time, we learn to trust and rely on Him. It’s the Lord, not your process that you need to trust.

As I prepared to move to France, I was required to take a two-week graduate level course on data science and analytics in Budapest, Hungary. As I entered the lecture hall on day one, a serious case of déjà vu hit me as I sat with my incredibly brilliant colleagues from around the globe. I have always had a bit of an inferiority complex. My confidence was easily threatened by anyone who even appeared smarter, more successful, or just all-around better than me. Once again, I was studying extra hours to keep up with the brainiacs in my class who complained that the material was not hard enough. For the life of me I could not understand why those students could not just take their "A’s" and have a seat. Whenever I felt that inferiority creeping up, I had to constantly remind myself what God's Word says about me. No, I may not know five programming languages. No, I may not have come from an ivy league school. However, I had to drill Truth into my heart until I believed it. I wrote reminders in the back of my notebook until I believed them: “I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus – His strength shines brightest in my weakness”.

One week of lectures, exams and assignments passed; we started our capstone projects and I was grouped with some of the smartest people in my class. My inferiority complex rose to an all-time high as I began initial conversations about the project with my team. Time passed and I continued to struggle with sharing my ideas. I knew my teammates were incredibly smart - but I grew very concerned we were not on the right track. Our Tableau dashboards seemed to have the most bells and whistles with no business value behind them. After all, I was in a group with very technical software engineers and developers. Could it have been possible that my business background was added to this group for a reason? At the time, I could not see it.

Days went by and I remained silent. When I finally mustered up the confidence to say something, we were already preparing for the final presentation. "What does this really tell us about the dataset?”, I inquired of my group leader. “I'm not sure I understand what story we're telling." After going back to the initial requirements, it did not take me long to convince my teammates we had deviated from the main objective of the entire project. "Now what?", a different teammate said in frustration. I felt guilty. Guilty that I allowed myself to remain silent when I knew I was withholding the value I had to offer to my team.

"We can fix this”, I said to my team. “We just need to revisit the hypotheses we're drawing based on our dataset." Suddenly, I had everyone's attention. I was stumbling over myself - sure of what the solution should be and somehow still uncertain as ever about my own ability to lead my team. I saw my business-oriented education as a weakness among computer scientists and engineers - but it ended up saving our group. In fact, the guy who initially led our group insisted that I lead our presentation. At the end of our demo on presentation day, I was sure my group nailed it. However, we were hit with all kinds of cynical, trick questions from the professors and CIOs once we concluded our presentation. I had just done an entire 360; from apprehensive to assured to downright afraid all over again.

My entire class of nearly 200 filed back into the lecture hall to hear the top performing groups announced. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. "We had a lot of outstanding projects today", our professor said. “But one group went a step beyond all the others. They really had a strong correlation between their final solution and the business case. There was a true story behind the data they were showing us and there was a lot of relevance to the current state of our business". My eyes lit up - realizing those were some of the exact words I said to my group while explaining my initial concerns with our project. He called our group and asked each of us to stand. I was in complete disbelief - not because we won. I was expecting to win because I knew my teammates were smart. I was amazed because I never considered myself to be among them - nor capable of playing a key role in our success. Once again, the Lord taught me what His strength in my weakness really looked like. Before departing from the campus, I was asked to film a short segment on my experience in the Digital Technology Leadership Program.

Class ended and I was nothing short of elated. I was walking away from my third master's course with an A and an award for the best capstone project. Since our class was held in Budapest, my friend Rachel and I planned a vacation to visit Paris, Madrid and Barcelona. As excited as I was, I could not have picked a more inconvenient time to have my first experience abroad. I reached into my pocket after hearing a notification alert from my news app. The title read "Truck plows through French streets killing dozens". I was petrified. Not only was I off to vacation in France, but I had also just signed up to work in France per my manager’s request. Did I really just volunteer to live in a terrorists’ playground? As my vacation continued, at least one new attack was reported daily in Europe. The attacks ranged from bombings to shootings to stabbings on public trains. I was afraid everywhere I went - frantically jumping at the slightest brush against my shoulder on every European train, plane and sidewalk.

Before I boarded the plane for my layover in Germany, a shooting was in the news at a nearby German Mall. On my way to Barcelona, a fatal stabbing took place on a train in Paris. Before I arrived in Barcelona, an attack was reported. It was almost as if each stop on my trip was strategically arranged to shield me from the attacks happening every day. One day sooner or later and I could have found myself among any of the attacks I saw on the news. A few days into vacation, I tossed and turned repeatedly as I miserably failed to take a nap. "Lord, don't tell me you brought me out here in Europe to die”, I said in dramatic prayer. I finally made it overseas and found myself barely missing terrorists attacks everywhere. I didn't want to do any more touring. I didn't even want to fly home.

That afternoon, I tuned into a church service hosted virtually with my friend, Rachel. The scripture referenced by the pastor (Psalm 11) was a direct answer to prayer about my fear of the ISIS attacks:

I trust in the LORD, so why did you tell me to run and hide? Why did you say, “Fly like a bird to your mountain?” Like hunters, the wicked hide in the dark.   They get their bows ready and aim their arrows. They shoot at good, honest people. What would good people do if the wicked destroyed all that is good? The LORD is in his holy temple. The LORD sits on his throne in heaven. He sees everything that happens. He watches people closely.

Through these scriptures and prayer, the Lord reminded me Who He is and that He had everything under control. His Word says to cast all your cares on Him – because He cares for you. There is no problem too big or small for Him to tend to. From that day on … I took each step in Europe like the Lord was walking in front, behind and on each side of me. The beautiful thing about that is, He was.

Through these scriptures and prayer, the Lord reminded me Who He is and that He had everything under control. His Word says to cast all your cares on Him – because He cares for you. There is no problem too big or small for Him to tend to. From that day on … I took each step in Europe like the Lord was walking in front, behind and on each side of me. The beautiful thing about that is, He was.

There's never a time where we need the Lord "now more than ever" - just times when we are more aware of our daily, desperate need for Him. Those situations are necessary to remind us Who we are dependent on. When the God calls you to do something, it will be God-sized. He will never ask you to do something you can achieve with your own abilities, resources, or strength – because it will teach you nothing about who He is. I have learned that I must depend on Him.

Earlier this week, I was awaken from a pretty dramatic dream. I was hosting a few friends over celebrating the New Year when I glanced out the window and noticed two small fires burning on my patio. I had a decision to make: call 911 or try to put out the fires myself. After convincing myself it would take ten minutes before any fire fighters would arrive, I grabbed my brother and went to work. We started running back and forth from my kitchen to my patio with buckets of water - trying to put the fires out ourselves. After all, the fires were small. As soon as we finished putting the fires out, we turned around and noticed more fires growing. Instead of calling for help, we found ourselves exhausted and frantic - trying to do something we could not do on our own.

I believe that even if I was successful trying to do everything myself, I would be exhausted and burned out all the time. I am so glad Jesus offers a better solution. Here’s what His invitation to you says:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

A yoke is a wooden beam that is normally used between two animals. It allows them to distribute the load while working as a pair. Imagine Jesus walking beside you – interlocked in a yoke with you and helping you carry your load. Though the burden was never supposed to be His, He helps us because He loves us. When we pray, read His Word and spend time in His presence, we create room for Christ to uplift us. Whatever load you may be carrying today, know that God never requires you to carry it alone. When you commit your plans to Him, you cannot lose. Declare your dependence on Christ in all you do. Though your strength may seem invisible, you will be made invincible through Him.

[kiatastic]

Fall

The deep exhales of breath released from my nostrils became visible in the crisp, cold air around me. Tree branches hovered over my head as the sun filtered its beaming rays through hues of green, red and yellow leaves. Each step I took was followed by a crunch – the sound of fallen leaves under my feet. As beautiful as fall is, there is also a harsh reality:

When leaves fall, they die.

Similar to the pruning process autumn brings, there were leaves in my own life that had to fall while transitioning from the dorm room to the boardroom – habits, tendencies and character flaws that had to die if I ever wanted to grow. Moving away from Atlanta to start my career began as the loneliest season of my life. At the same time, it brought new opportunity to experience the Lord for myself, allow Him to change me and experience Him in new ways. Andy Mineo said it best in one of my favorite songs: 

“I was so far from home – and everything that I’ve known. But I got grown in that time alone and that faith became my own.”

I was an anxious college-graduate. Ready to leave those awfully flavored 5-hour energy shots behind me in the KSU Sturgis Library. Eager to box my work within the parameters of 8am – 5pm. Prepared for the ultimate corporate office slay! I was also entirely wrong to believe my most challenging years were behind me. In the words of my late grandfather Charles W. Little, "All your life you are a freshman". I was at the top of my game as a college graduate and at the bottom of the largest learning curve of my life – all at the same time.

Before starting my job I was required to make a pit stop at Indiana University for 3 weeks of training sponsored by the Company known as Immersion I. Think of it as an intense boot camp for rookies in Corporate America. I met all 150 of my colleagues in the Digital Technology Leadership Program from around the world including Brazil, France, India and Egypt – and they were truly the brightest minds I’ve ever met. Each morning began with a quiz on previously reviewed material. The remaining hours were spent in C# building our capstone applications – a language I did not learn in school. I seemed to be the only one starting from ground zero. While many of my colleagues could afford to go out at night after class, I expended several hours in my hotel room learning the very basics. 11:00 pm turned into 2:00 am. 2:00 am turned into 4:00 am. 4:00 am turned into resurfaced doubts as I reflected on all I accomplished in college. From being named a top 5 IS student to winning Miss Alpha South – I started wishing I were back at KSU.

Thoughts and feelings from the previous night lingered in my head the following morning as I talked myself into finally putting my feet on the floor… so much for ditching those artificially grape-flavored 5-hour energy shots. While eating breakfast, an email notification appeared on my phone titled “Short Daily Devotion” – a daily email I receive with a short scripture and word of encouragement. The Lord put my thoughts in check with Isaiah 43:18-19:

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.”

After all the Lord brought me through in college, I had not really learned to trust Him. It was obvious through my desire to retreat back to a season that presented more comfort – but the only place to fully blossom is in the soil the Lord chooses to plant us. That is where His grace and perfect will reside.

I walked back to my hotel room stiff as a board – the Lord had just snatched my entire life with one scripture. I approached my room and heard a voice singing, “You are the Living Word” by Fred Hammond. It was Rachel – another colleague from my Company. I said to myself “she MUST be a believer!” We ended up going out for Endless Wing Monday at a bar that evening. From that moment to this one Rachel has been one of my closest, dearest friends. I never expected to meet a colleague at work who was also a strong Christian. The Lord orchestrated our friendship in the time I needed it most.

Three weeks passed as boot camp came to a close. Aside from earning an A in my first graduate course, my group was awarded for having the best capstone project out of all 150 colleagues in the class. I reflected back on day 1 and remembered how intimidated I was by everyone around me. Since high school, I have always had an unhealthy habit of comparing myself to others. I habitually convinced myself that I was not smart enough, experienced enough or good enough to be among the best. The problem is – there is no win in comparison. When I compare myself to others and come out on top, it breeds pride. When I compare and come out underneath, it produces false humility. Both are wrong. There is absolutely no competition for your seat at God’s table. Only you are eligible for the plans the Lord has for you.

After leaving Indiana, I flew home to get my car and drove to my new home in Jackson, TN. The commute to work was about an hour. I spent my rotation delivering software solutions to bridge gaps in the manufacturing processes on the shop floor. Fresh out of college, I knew absolutely nothing about engineering or manufacturing IT. I had Google pulled up on every phone call to look up all the terms and acronyms I did not understand. I quickly got up to speed by enrolling in free SAP classes and setting up 1x1 meetings with electrical engineers. A typical day included walking the factory floor in goggles, steel-toed boots and earplugs – so much for that ultimate corporate office slay.

Outside of work, I spent most of my weekends alone. Jackson, TN wasn’t exactly overpopulated with young professionals. Solo movie dates and online shopping became regular weekend pleasantries. I needed to get involved with a church ASAP and find some less expensive hobbies. Upon my first visit to a nearby church the pastor told me Jesus Christ was not my savior because I had not been baptized specifically in their congregation. I left in tears – devastated by the twisted approach they taught on the Word of God. I learned that day how important is to know the Word for myself. That evening I went for a walk around my apartment complex saying “Lord, if you don’t lead me directly to a new church home… I think I’d rather attend Bedside Baptist! I cannot risk experiencing that again and I need your help. Show me what to do.”

The next week I was leaving the factory floor when a man named Andre noticed me. He introduced himself and said, “Hey, I’ve seen you around and heard you’re new in Tennessee.” I looked down and noticed a brochure he was holding in his hand. “I would like to invite you to my church, Historic First Baptist”, he continued. Immediately, I remembered my prayer to the Lord. Overwhelming joy took over my countenance as I replied, “You have no idea how crazy this is. I JUST prayed for a church recommendation on Sunday!” I met Andre and his wife at HFBC that Sunday. It was more traditional than I was used to – but Pastor Watson taught on the foundation of the Bible and that was most important to me. There was no time to waste. I joined THAT Sunday. Throughout my time in Tennessee Andre and his wife, Liakita were my God-sent blessings. They encouraged me to take the New Member’s class and introduced me to so many people there. My circle of friends outside of work was birthed at HFBC. They even encouraged me to grow in my relationship with the Lord. Although I wasn’t perfect with daily quiet time, I did my best to set aside Saturday mornings to pray and read my Bible.

One Saturday in particular, I spent my morning watching a sermon on YouTube recommended by my friend Gabby called “Five Keys to Finding Your Soul Mate.” I had my pen and notepad ready – finding bae was a priority on my to-do list. The pastor, Toure Roberts made an altar call for loneliness at the end of the sermon. To my own frustration and disappointment, what I took away from that sermon had nothing to do with finding bae. Instead, the Lord brought an ugly truth in me to light – a void of loneliness.

I never knew I was lonely because I often “talked” to guys I never had any business considering. To fix that the Lord moved me to a place where I had no choice but to “talk” to Him. There were no longer casual movie dates or “good-morning, beautiful” text messages to fill my void. I began to realize that “trying to fill an infinite hole with a finite thing or person only leaves an insatiable appetite that can never be fully and finally satisfied.” Any attempt to fill a God-sized void with selfish pleasures (no matter how harmless they seem) will fail every time. The Holy Spirit showed me that the part of my life I wanted to control was the part He wanted most. I paused the YouTube video while going into one of the most unorthodox cries I have ever had. For the first time I became aware of God’s relentless pursuit of me – and my half-hearted acknowledgement of His love in return.

“… Every man’s emptiness is nothing more than a hunger for God, masked by temporary pleasures. We always want more and more of it, because it will satisfy us less and less – until soon it does not satisfy us at all.”

I had tried several times to surrender my love life (or lack thereof) to the Lord – but never sincerely meant it. I regretfully acknowledge that He had to strip me of all options to win my undivided attention. “For the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a Jealous God (Exodus 34:14).” In complete vulnerability and transparency with Him, His love ushered me into His perfect peace – a need for no one else but Him.

That same evening I received a FaceTime call from my close friend, Drew. Andrew became my go-to Alpha during my time serving as Miss Black & Gold at KSU. However, we became friends through a Bible study group the Lord led me to start during my junior year of college.  After expressing how much he valued our friendship, he shared that night that he had feelings for me he could not quite put his finger on. Immediately, I said in my head “Lord, you’ve got a serious sense of humor. I know I just cried my eyes out about being single – but this is not what I wanted. Drew is my friend! I can’t date him.” Still, I was pleasantly shocked to be pursued (for the first time) by a God-fearing man. I knew Drew personally as a friend for years. I have even tried to hook him up with a friend in the past! I told him I did not know how to feel about it. He assured me that if I did not feel the same way, he would still love me as a friend. Surely this man was from another planet. Never in my life had a man with such humility and Godly love approached me the way he did.

When it was time to wrap up my first rotation in Tennessee, Drew surprised me by driving to Jackson to help pack up my apartment. I told him my company was paying all the expenses for movers to come pack – but he insisted on coming anyway. He stayed in the hotel across the street and never insinuated wanting anything out of me. I became drawn to the sincerity and Godliness of his heart. Although I thought about him often, I knew the Lord was still working on me. I read a book called “Your Knight and Shining Armor” by P.B. Wilson. At the end of it I concluded I was not ready to date anyone – there were parts of me that needed work first. Drew and I remained friends for the next several months.

Two days before my rotation ended, I pitched out my final results from my rotation to several executives and business leaders. I made friends with so many people in the factory – they even brought in home-cooked dishes on my last day! I was thanked personally by the CIO of the business for going to work alone in a factory without any IT colleagues or mentors. It was an a-typical situation for someone new to the Company, but the Lord was my Source through it all.

In Tennessee, I learned that my weaknesses are the best platforms for God to teach me about His power. In Judges 7, the Lord commanded Gideon to slash his army down to 300 men before going into battle. It wasn’t about terrifying Gideon – it was about stripping away anything that could suggest that God was not the reason for his victory. These are win-win scenarios - the Lord is glorified and our faith is strengthened in the process.

As soon as I started to build my network, understand supply chain IT and become comfortable in my new city… it was time to do it all over again. One rotation down - three left to go. I packed the few remaining valuables from my apartment in my Honda accord and headed to my second rotation in Houston, TX. The autumn leaves had fallen, but a new season was on the way. Bundle up – winter is coming.

[kiatastic]

#Godlydating #Relationships

[kiatastic]

Wake Up

I closed my eyes while feeling prick after prick in my left arm. Attempting to distract me from my Yellow Fever and Typhoid vaccinations, the doctor stirred up small talk with me about my upcoming travels in Africa. I proudly mentioned the great efforts my coworkers and I contributed toward fundraising for the construction of a new school the Malawian village. After hosting happy hours in Houston, engaging our CEO in a silent auction and partnering with local businesses, we raised over $70,000 for buildOn - an organization committed to breaking the cycle of poverty and low expectations though service and education. I assessed this opportunity to travel halfway around the world as a great item for the "service" portion of my resume; a cool stamp to have in my passport; a good look for my Instagram. Even with the excitement about establishing a new school in Malawi, my perspective was self-centered, small minded and out of touch with life outside the Western culture.

 After spending the night in Kenya and a second night in Lilongwe, I arrived in the Malawian village of Kasungu with my coworkers and our buildOn trek leaders (Danielle and Braulio). We were ushered into the village by a few bright eyed, ebullient children who were overflown with joy to see our bus approaching. They ran alongside our windows full of laughter and song. As we progressed further, four children turned into ten. Ten children turned into thirty. Before we knew it we were surrounded by a large group of children, parents and grandparents. Immediately, several of us reached for cameras to start recording videos when our trek leader (Danielle) dropped a sapient nugget of advice on us: "Don't spend so much time recording the moment that you miss it." Slightly embarrassed, I put my camera away and eventually deleted my Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter apps. What a waste my two-day journey to the village would have been if I diluted the rich experience with the distraction of social media. Meanwhile, the villagers were dancing and inviting us to step off the bus. My excitement continued to grow as I asked “can we get off now?!”  The doors of the bus flung open and the rhythmic sounds of song and hand clapping grew louder. Although nervous about how I looked attempting to dance, my insecurities faded away when I was pulled into their circle like darkness in the presence of a beaming sunrise. The joy was thick and contagious, and I began to dance the moment my feet hit the soil of Kasungu.

 The celebration continued as my co-workers and I were directed to a shaded area where officials of the village initiated a welcome ceremony. "Where is the school the children use now?", I asked my trek leader. "We're standing in it", she replied. I'm sure she meant to say "we're standing UNDER it", considering it was only a straw hut with no walls or doors. There were no chairs or tables - only two black chalk boards mounted on wooden stands. Under rainy or very hot conditions, there is no way classes could be held here. The desperate need for a school in the village of Kasungu became even more conspicuous. I simply could not fathom how a straw hut could be considered a classroom - let alone an entire school. 

 I stood under the school hut – puzzled as I struggled to answer why I had been so blessed to receive a quality education and why these children had not. With all my heart, I believe the words of Luke 12:48 which say “to whom much is given, much is required.” The Message translation breaks it down even further to say “Great gifts mean great responsibilities; greater gifts, greater responsibilities!” Many would not consider education a gift, but it certainly is. Because I have benefitted from provision to receive an education, I now assume the responsibility to help someone else who cannot say the same. I began to reflect on every door education has opened for me. After all, this trip to Malawi was made possible by affiliation with my employer. I would have never started a career in IT with this fortune 5 company without my education. One year later, I found myself in Malawi with the chance to pay it forward. As I looked at the children around me, I noticed two things:

 1.    Many of the boys were dressed better than the girls. When education is not provided, males are often valued higher than women as they are stronger and deemed better fit for manual labor. Education puts boys and girls on the same plane field. Anything a boy is capable of doing in the classroom, a girl can also achieve. Enhanced education opens doors for many girls to achieve the same level of success as boys.

 2.    There were a lot of sick children. Many families rely on schools to provide access to clean water for their children. Without the school, children must resort to unclean water, which exposes them to a higher risk of catching diseases. As identified by several statistics, there is a direct correlation between disease and access to education. Children in Malawi with access to a school have a much higher chance of maintaining good health.

 I saw the needs for a school in Malawi with my own two eyes and had to revisit my initial reasons for joining this Trek. The issues surrounding the need for a new school trumped my expectations. At the end of my first day in the village, my reason for coming to Malawi shifted from personal desires to the needs of those around me. The crazy part is – I still did not understand the true purpose of my visit. Little did I know my expectations would be flipped inside out the next day.

[kiatastic]

[kiatastic]

[kiatastic]

Your body is an incredibly bizarre machine.

“What you see is a myosin protein dragging an endorphin along a filament to the inner part of the brain’s parietal cortex which creates happiness. Happiness. You’re looking at happiness.”

[kiatastic]

[kiatastic]

[kiatastic]

Hello Nakia! I have a question! Are you a Christian? If yes, how long have you been one and what made you decide to become one? I'm looking to become one so I would like to know any tips or advice you have for a young female looking to walk down that path! Thanks xxx

Hey! I am so sorry for the late response! I really hope this reaches you soon. I have been a Christian since I was a child, but rededicated myself to Christ in college about 2 years ago. I became a Christian after attending a church service for youth and learning that God loved me and wanted a personal, intimate relationship with me. When I got to college, I struggled in some of my classes and also with accepting being single among all my friends in relationships. There was no one around to depend on except the Lord. When I rededicated my life to him, I took my prayer life more seriously and studied the Bible more. As a result, I saw God answer my prayers and become the only one I really needed. To become a Christian, all you have to do is say these words: “Jesus, I want to have a personal relationship with you. Please forgive me for my sins and walk with me from this day forward. Please give me your Holy Spirit to help me through every part of my life, everyday. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.”

Congratulations! You now have a personal relationship with the God of this universe through His Son Jesus Christ. The Lord created you because He wanted to love you. And now that you are a Christian, you can experience the fullness of His great Love. Rest assure He will NEVER leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5) Be sure to download a Bible app or purchase one and read from it daily, even if it is just a few verses. God’s Word is full of His promises for you, advice for tough times, and even answers to your prayers! Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need prayer or just have more questions. Consider me your sister in Christ :)

[kiatastic]

[kiatastic]

[kiatastic]

It’s been a while. What’s on your mind? I have a lot on mine and I’m sure you do too. Let’s catch up.

I have had to recently take my own advice. Last time we met in The Lobby, we talked about working smart. One of my suggestions was to eliminate social media from your daily routine while preparing for exams and major deliverables. Well, maybe it will comfort you to know that I would never suggest anything that I wouldn’t do myself. I took a few weeks away from social media to really lean into my projects and responsibilities at work. After my hiatus, I took some more time away from writing to get my life. Though I’m done with college, my education journey has only begun. My grandfather used to tell me “All your life, you are a freshman.”

Anyway, enough about me. This is about you. Its crunch time for almost every college student on the planet – or at least it seems that way from all the finals-related memes on Instagram. There seem to be two types of people around this time of the semester:

1.     This is life or death. If you don’t ace these final exams, your GPA is going to suffer. Energy drinks and quick naps in the library are your holy grail. You’re walking the tight rope between strangling productivity out of your group members and doing the entire project on your own.

2.     You’re over it. That C doesn’t sound so bad after all. Actually – you’d be pretty proud of yourself if you get that far. How are you supposed to shove a semester’s worth of material into your brain in five days anyway? Maybe you want to care, but ain’t nobody got time for that.

If you’re like me, you probably alternate between scenarios one and two every other day. I get it. Let me offer you some encouragement to help you reach the finish line.

I was in your shoes on this very night last year. I remember sitting the library – adding up points, calculating percentages, and feeling my stomach drop before pressing the “equal” sign on my calculator to see where I stood in each class. The one that worried me the most was database. It was only offered online and learning the material on my own was extremely challenging to me. I performed at the C-level on two of the three exams. My goal of getting an A in the class seemed ridiculous at that point. In fact, my database professor assured me that my only hope for getting an A in her class was to earn a perfect score on my final database project. This would boost my average JUST enough to move from a B to an A. I had two options:

1.     Give it my all. Devote the majority of my time to perfecting the project and HOPE it was perfect. This meant finishing early enough to show my work to other professors. From there, I’d have to take feedback on my mistakes, go back to the drawing board, and perfect my work.

2.     Do what I always do. Procrastinate and then pull an all-nighter before the deadline – accepting the fact that I will give up my shot at an A in the class.

Despite the odds, I chose option one. I worked like a dog those last few weeks of school – trying to compensate for my less-than-excellent performance on exams throughout the semester. Dozens of queries and reports later, I finished a few days early. I showed my project to professors and tutors – and boy did they find errors for me to fix. It seemed as if I did nothing right. The relationships between my tables were off. My queries were too simplistic. I ran my reports incorrectly. I wanted to give up at this point. There was only one day left before the deadline – and I had all these corrections to address on top of attending to my other classes. However, I had to be honest with myself. If I didn’t give it my all, I would always wonder what would happen if I did.

Now you may be wondering – why was she trippin so hard over a B? Well, in order to receive Summa Cum Laude honors at graduation, I had to finish this semester (and the next one) with 4.0 semester GPA’s. It sounds crazy but the difference between hearing Summa Cum Laude and Magna Cum Laude and after my name at graduation depended on my willingness to sacrifice lots of sleep during the fall semester of my senior year. If you’ve heard my testimony on Instagram about how I went from barely getting by in high school to pressing for excellence in college, you’ll understand why I worked so hard to graduate Summa Cum Laude.

With that in mind, I took my tired self to Walmart and re-stocked on snacks and energy shots. I gained a couple of pounds – but that’s beside the point. I pushed through and submitted my final database project minutes before 11:59pm that night. At that moment, I had done as much as I could with the remainder of my semester. I turned it over - I mean TRULY turned it over to the Lord. I flipped through my old journal and found the very letter I wrote that night:

Tell Him what’s on your mind. He is on your side and working on your behalf. Even the widely renowned Dale Carnegie says PRAYER is the way to stop worrying and start living.

Several days later, I finally saw something new on D2L. My grade was posted. It read “100 – excellent project.” I was in so much disbelief that I reached for my phone to text a few classmates. Surely she just got tired of grading and gave out 100’s to everyone. I already had texts coming in – “what did you get from Dr. Murray?” Some students didn’t do so hot. Others did fairly well – but no 100’s. I was reassured that every extra hour I spent on that project was reflected in that perfect score. Still, I found it unbelievable. After final grades were in, my GPA creeped up from a 3.88 to a 3.90 – I had just secured my chance at graduating Summa Cum Laude. I hope you see how the smallest decisions can yield huge results. Before you decide to give up on that final exam or project – think again.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably be rolling my eyes right now. This was a cute story, but you’re still dealing with your own semester struggles and you’re not sure how your story will end. I know. I felt the EXACT same way. But I want you to leave you with a few things:

1.     Don’t be blind. Calculate your averages in every class. Maybe you don’t want to look at them, but trust me on this. Better to know BEFORE the final than when they ARE final. If your professor is a slow grader, tell him/her how crucial it is for you to know where you stand. You pay their salary through taxes and student loans. It is their JOB to help you.

2.     Know the possibilities. Familiarize yourself with the gaps between where you are and where you want to be. Are they attainable? Answer honestly and become a strategist. Plan when you will do what – even sleep.

3.     SLEEP. You MUST recharge. One or two all-nighters may be necessary. However, if you go too long without sleep your brain will crash. Don’t let that happen before you take your last exam.

4.     Approach The Throne. I don’t care if you only spend 10 minutes with the Lord. Ask for His help and guidance. We can’t do a thing without Him. When you pray about it, He lifts your worries. Philippians 4:6-8 says:

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, PRAY. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

I want to close a little differently this time. Take three minutes and six seconds to listen to this song.

[kiatastic]