#scooby doo ass motherfuckers

[t4tails]

[lovemybluebully]

Over My Dead Body

Got writer's block on the fic I mentioned with X23 so I wrote this to keep my creative juices flowing. 😁 Hope you guys don't mind. lol I swear this was just going to be a little drabble, buuuuuuut I got carried away. It was just like, I have an idea! Oooh I have another idea! And then it just spiraled. 🤣 I suck at writing short fics. lol

Probably not my best work, but just a little silliness between these two guys. Another fic where Wade discovers Logan is ticklish and goes all out on him. I very much enjoy tickle origin fics. 🥰

Again some somewhat movie spoilers, but if you haven't seen the biggest movie in the world by now then that's your fault. lol Then of course the typical foul language and Deadpool's dirty mouth.

"Deadpool and Wolverine"-verse

M/M Tickle Fic

Word Count: 5,139

"Fucking give me that remote, Wilson!" Logan let out a teeth-bared snarl while chasing Wade comically around and around the couch like in a Scooby Doo cartoon.

"But baby cakes, I want to watch 'Touched By An Angel'! Wade snickered, managing to stay just one step ahead.

"Fuck that shit! This is the final round for the Flames in the Stanley Cup, and I am NOT missing it!" He finally caught up to Wade and took him down with a flying tackle of heavy adamantium as they both crashed to the floor and the tv remote went sailing out of reach.

Logan quickly scrambled to his feet as he made a break for it, but Wade successfully grabbed his leg to trip him as he hit the floor again with the merc now up and giggling as he ran to claim the prize.

"Yessss! Home run! And the crowd goes wild!" Wade mimicked the sounds of a cheering stadium while triumphantly holding the remote over his head. However, this was instantaneously followed by a loud growl from Logan as he charged his roommate like a bull and slammed into him harder than a Mack truck.

Wade didn't have time to yelp as his body went flying across the room though the remote had been knocked from his grasp and dropped to the ground, exploding the case open as the batteries all popped out. Logan reached down to pick it all up, shaking his head in annoyance as he walked back over towards the couch and tried to jam the batteries back in properly.

"Motherfucking idiot. Just sit your stupid ass down and take the L. I'm putting on the hockey game and that's that."

But Wade wasn't through yet. He was having too much fun with this! He was always trying to get Logan to roughhouse and play with him, but with the X-man being such a stiff it was hard to get him to let loose. Alcohol usually played a big factor in getting Logan to loosen his inhibitions and engage, but at the current moment he was sober as a judge. 

Pissing him off was the next best thing, and Wade loved a good chase and the physical contact, even if it was of the more painful variety. They had a rule about not spilling any blood inside the apartment, but he knew Logan could be pushed too far sometimes and forget about that so Wade would usually back off before he reached that point.

Though at this present time he had only antagonized him a little bit so he knew Logan would be able to tolerate him just a smidge more.

Logan's hypersensitive ears easily picked up the sound of the energetic man coming at him again as he turned around just as Wade plowed all of his weight into him to tackle him onto the couch. Wade quickly took the position to straddle the man's thighs and started making grabs for the remote as growling curses were hurled at him.

"Goddammit! You juvenile fucking moron! Just back off! The only way you're getting this is over my dead body!"

"Bet," Deadpool nodded and kept up in his efforts.

As they played slap-hands fighting to get a hold of the controller it slipped from their grip, hitting Logan in the face on its way down before sliding inside his collar down into his button-up overshirt.

"Nice going, captain loser. Don't worry, I'll get it!" Wade immediately went after it as he haphazardly began squeezing and poking around Logan's midsection as he tried to find the location of the remote hidden beneath the fabric.

As irritated as he was Logan now found that he had a new problem as his body started involuntarily reacting to the way Wade was grabbing at him. It was making his skin crawl. Shivers running up his spine as he began to writhe underneath the other man, trying to avoid the touches.

"Stop squirming, would you? You're making this way harder than it has to be. And I can't find the remote either," Wade teased, always managing to slip in inappropriate innuendos, but Logan was too occupied to make a sarcastic retort as he frantically tried to grab and get control of Wade's busy hands.

"Q-Quit it, shithead!" Logan gritted through his teeth as Wade just clucked his tongue and shook his head.

"Oh c'mon! Stop fighting it and just give it up!" Wade's words held a double meaning in this situation as his hands moved lower, giving the grump a particularly firm squeeze around his hips as Logan couldn't hold it in anymore. 

His back arched off the couch accompanied by a loud snort; his nose scrunched as a soft string of giggles tumbled their way out. 

Upon hearing that Wade immediately stopped what he was doing; practically frozen in shock as he stared down at the bigger male below him. After a few long, tense moments a slow grin of realization started to spread over his face and Logan was suddenly overcome with a feeling of immense dread at what was about to transpire.

"Did...Did you just giggle?"

"....No," was all Logan could say lamely; his uneasy mind not allowing him to come up with anything else as Wade only smiled more.

"Now here's the plot twist that I never would have expected. You wanna tell me what that was all about? Forgive me if I'm finding it difficult to believe that a hardened tough guy like you could possibly be, dare I say it.....ticklish."

Logan's eyes betrayed him as they widened in pure terror; his brain frantically trying to figure out a solution to get him out of this mess, but his silence told more than enough.

"Ohohoho, you are, aren't you? Well this just made things a lot more sexy...I mean, interesting," Wade stroked his own chin, pondering the situation while Logan finally regained his wit and was now on the rebound to try to deny it.

"What? Are you kidding? Tch! I am not ticklish. Where the fuck do you come up with such stupid ideas?" He made his best attempt to sound convincing, but Wade could easily see right through his bullshit.

"I gotta tell you that all sounds exactly like something a ticklish person would say. A pitiful performance like that isn't going to win you any Oscars," Wade smirked before his eyes then drifted back down to Logan's torso, "Oh dear. It looks like the remote has fallen inside your shirt. Whatever shall we do?"

Wade was gently tugging at the front of his shirt as Logan narrowed his eyes.

"Just get offa me and I'll get it myself. Quit looking for excuses to grope me, ya fucking pervert," Logan growled deeply with his characteristic hard-as-nails Wolverine glare, trying to be as off-putting as possible to hopefully get Wade to lose the notion.

"But it's so confusing when your mouth says 'no', but your eyes say 'yes'," Wade grinned, giving a light tickle to Logan's sides that made him flinch, "By the way, what do you want your safe word to be?"

"Touch me and I will cut your useless motherfucking head off, Wilson."

Wade laughed chaotically and shook his head.

"Now that's kind of a mouthful to say. You should pick something easier like 'umbrella' or 'avocado' or 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'-"

Logan realized he was running out of time for stalling and was now struggling to push Wade off of him before he could actually carry out this heinous act, but the merc simply shoved his arms aside and launched his attack, tickling wildly along his ribcage.

"Oh I get it! You don't want a safe word! Very kinky! I like your style! Well you did say the only way I was getting the remote was over your dead body. Who knew it was going to be death by tickling?"

Logan made a strained grunting noise as he steeled himself and began writhing about, still fighting to force Wade off despite the fingers running along his ribs. He in no way wanted to give Wade the satisfaction of making him laugh and would hold it in for as long as he could.

"Looks like we've got a tough guy, ladies and gentlemen," Wade grinned, momentarily looking out at the camera then turning back to his victim, "You know in all the fanfics I've read it's always the toughest guys that are the most ticklish of all. Look at you doing everything in your power not to laugh. How cute. Too bad you're not going to be able to keep that up. I pretty much wrote the book on 'lerring."

Wolverine had no idea what that meant but could hardly fathom the idea that he was going to have to listen to Wade's annoying jabbering and teases without being able to give him a piece of his mind. Because if he even dared to open his mouth it was game over and he was going to fucking lose it.

"So are you like one of those guys who are only ticklish around here...," Wade squeezed and massaged into his sides as an involuntary grin stretched across Logan's face while keeping his jaw clenched, "Or are you one of those head-to-toe ticklish kinda guys? I'm betting the latter."

While still keeping one hand digging into his side Deadpool now reached up to teasingly trace his fingers with a feather-light touch over Logan's ear and down his neck as the man wrenched his head away and scrunched up his shoulder to try to cover up that side of his head.

"Ooooh so sensitive. Am I going to have some fun with you. All we're missing is the sweet sound of your laughter. C'moooooooon just let it out already. You're not embarrassed of your laugh, are you? I'm sure it's wonderful. Don't be shy now, it's just the two of us here."

Every word that came out of Wade's mouth was slowly eating away at Logan's resolve along with his mental capacity to resist the laughter building up inside of him. Giving into Wade's demands was not high on his list of favorable activities, but he knew it was about to happen whether he wanted it to or not.

"You are one hard nut to crack, I'll give you that. But that's okay, it's just going to make breaking you even sweeter. Heheh, look how red your face is. You look like you're about to explode. I just need to find the right spot to poke that bubble and free you of your burden. Hmmm, I think I know where....," Wade smirked big time as he changed tactics to thrust his hands underneath Logan's arms and furiously tickle into his armpits.

The battle was finally over. Logan had fought for as long as he possibly could, but he just couldn't take it anymore. With Wade having honed in on one of his most sensitive areas he felt his lips make one last valiant effort to stay sealed as they trembled right before releasing his loud, pent-up outburst.

"HAHAHaahaha! AhahahahaStop! Stahahahap ihihhit!" Logan hollered as he managed to shove Wade's hands out of his pits, though they immediately latched onto his waist and dug right in. Wade was beyond pleased with this turn of events.

"Ahhhh there it is. And it's just as adorable as I imagined. See? Nothing to be embarrassed about," Wade's grin encompassed his whole face as he didn't let up and kept kneading his thumbs right above Logan's hips.

"I wahahahasn't embahahaharrassed, ya dehehehense fuhuhuhucking prihihihiiick!  Gahahahahaa! Just didhihihidn't wahahahaha-wahant to gihihihive you the sss-satisfahahahaction!" Logan struggled to speak clearly through his laughter as he twisted and squirmed, trying to wriggle out from under the other man.

"Well mission failed, my little stud muffin. I can't believe you've been hiding your ticklishness from me all this time. Think of all the fun we're going to have together now!" Wade exclaimed with pure glee as he moved back up to the ribs now that he was receiving the reactions he wanted, making Logan cackle uncontrollably.

"Fuhuhuhuhuuuuck!! Okaahahahay! You gohohohohot meheheee! I'm tihihihicklish! Now fuhuhuhuhuhuck ohhohohoff!" Logan's hysterical proclamation was accompanied by a series of hard snorts, making Wade's face light up even more.

"You're a snorter?! Oh that's just so precious! How can you expect me to fuck off after hearing that?! Nononono, I think I will keep fucking on, thank you very much! Besides if I stop now then this will be the shortest tickle fic ever written!" He increased his speed, probing between every rib bone as he played his friend's sides like a ticklish piano.

Logan surprisingly laughed even harder, wheezing for air as he continued letting out a snort every few seconds with his burly arms pitifully clamped as tight as he could against his sides. Nothing was stopping the devilishly dexterous fingers of his hyper roommate though.

"Wihihihilsonaaahahahahah.......sssstooooohahahahahahooooop! I'll....I'll gihihihihive you ohohone lahahahast chaaa-EEEHEEHEEHeheheheheheeh!" Logan literally squealed much to his chagrin as he broke into high-pitched giggles with Wade switching spots to now claw mercilessly at his stomach and waist.

"Oh I've never heard a Wolverine squeal before. It's just the gift that keeps on giving. Definitely going to need that as my new ringtone. But hmmm, I think this could be better...," Wade mused as his fingers kept scratching over the buttons going down Logan's flannel shirt, no doubt hindering his tickling efforts if only a little.

In the next second he grabbed Logan's overshirt and pulled hard in opposite directions to pop all the buttons as the remote was finally freed and clattered to the floor. The mercenary smirked as he saw that Logan wasn't wearing anything underneath as his hairy, heavy-muscled torso was now on full display.

Logan was grateful that it had all stopped and the remote was now nowhere near him as he leaned his head back and tried to catch his breath.

"........Fuck......Okay.....You win you win. Just take the fucking thing.....and go ahead and watch your stupid ass shoHOHohOhOHOhoW! NAAAAHOHOHOHOOOOO!!"

Logan had thought it was over, but his momentary sparkle of hope vanished instantly as Wade paid the controller no mind and lunged for him again.

"Ahh yes, that's much better! Now I can really get my hands in here!" Wade smirked in delight with his fingers currently buried and wriggling into Logan's armpits while the feral man roared with deep belly laughs before fizzling into helpless wheezes.

"Ohoho you're very tickly here, aren't you? Bet you wish you would've chosen a safe word now, huh? Or not. Maybe you're enjoying this. Is that it? Don't lie to me now."

"I'm gohohohohonna fffffff-aaahahahhahahah.....fuhuhuhucking k-kihihihill yooooou!" Logan wheezed out as he weakly smacked at Wade's arms and haphazardly kicked his legs around.

"Awww don't be mean, peanut. I just can't get enough of the sound of your laugh. That's not a crime, is it?"

Logan couldn't remember having ever been tickled like this. It had been so long since he'd been this close to anybody, and his memory of such things was pretty fuzzy of anything that happened before his regrettable incident. After those events he'd become even more withdrawn and had fallen deep into depression from the unbearable guilt he felt, confident that he never deserved to be happy again.

And then this annoying little fucker appeared at that bar one day and dragged him on the wildest, most fucked up adventure he could ever recall being on. If at the beginning of all that someone had told him that Wade and he were going to become great friends then he would have laughed right in their face.

But it did happen, and Logan was taken-aback to finally be around someone again who actually cared about his well-being. Someone who wanted the best for him and to make sure that he knew that he mattered. Someone who wanted nothing more than for him to be happy.

And Deadpool was always trying to make him laugh. The look of genuine happiness on Wade's face was unmatched whenever one of his jokes managed to land and make Logan chuckle. The X-man seemed to smile a lot more these days, but laughing was still a rare occurrence for him, which is why Logan was so defensive against the tickling that was currently causing him to do so.

But could he say with complete honesty that he truly hated all this? The answer irked him a little bit because it was no, he didn't hate it, but he was conflicted because he still didn't think he should be allowed to feel pure joy again. 

He felt that guilt come up again when he admitted to himself that laughing like this actually felt good. He didn't deserve to feel good. Ever. But obviously Wade had a difference of opinion on that. Wanting him to smile. Wanting him to laugh. Wanting him to let go of his guilt and be happy in this universe that undoubtedly wouldn't be here without him.

"Don't think I forgot about this little sweet spot!"

Wade brought him out of these thoughts rather quickly once he began scribbling all ten fingers over his taut, bare stomach as the Wolverine tossed his head back in howling laughter with his eyes squeezed shut and tears forming in the corners of them.

"Coochie coochie coo! Awwww wittle Wolvie is so ticklish! Yes, he is! Yes, he is!" The merc cooed playfully, knowing all these teases were key to breaking down Logan's mental barriers. And it was working as Logan finally stopped feeling sorry for himself and just gave into it all.

"W-Waaade nooooo! Aahahahahahaah! Cuhuhuhut it ohohhohout! Pleeheheheheeease!"

The merc cocked his head in amusement, having never heard Logan even come close to begging for anything before.

"Oooooh this really is a killer spot, isn't it? Is this rock-hard belly of yours the most ticklish of all? How ironic," Wade mused while absentmindedly squirming a finger down into his navel, making Logan buck strongly and shriek with unrestrained giggles.

"Shihihihiiiiit! Aaaheehehehehehee! Noohohohooot in thehehehere! Fohohor fuhuhuhucks saahaahaakeheehehehehehahahah-st-stoohahahahop tihihihickling! You're kihihhihillin' meheeheehee!"

Wade's stomach did a little somersault at how vulnerable Logan was now being with him. It was all he ever wanted was to see his friend let go of all his anger and self-loathing of the past and surrender himself to the present day. 

Logan was laughing freely now. He wasn't grinding his teeth and trying to hold anything in anymore and he even stopped really fighting to get Wade off of him.  His face and chest were flushed, tears running down his cheeks as he just laid there in a squirming heap with his wide-open mouth releasing endless peals of laughter and pleas for mercy.

In all honesty Wade didn't want to stop just so he could keep Logan in this state for as long as possible where he was freed from the prison of his own mind, though he knew that he'd have to let him go eventually. Still not quite this second.

"Stop? But I couldn't possibly! Look how happy it's making you! I'd be an asshole to rob you of that! Lucky for you I'm such a good friend, huh?! Tickletickletickletickle! Laugh it up, buddy!" He kept ruthlessly tickling his heaving belly while his other hand slid up to creep back into his armpit, rendering Logan into a powerless wheezing wreck.

"Nohohohooot fahahahaaair! Baahahhhahahaha! Wahahade pleeeease! I cahahahaa-cahahaan't tahahake anymohohohore! Uhuhuhuhuncle!"

Between Wade's unrelenting yapping and Logan's loud fits of laughter they both failed to hear the sound of the front doorknob rattling right before it opened and in walked Dopinder with several plastic bags of take-out in his hands.

"Hello? Your UberEats order is here, Mr. Logan. I've got your hot wings and your pizza rolls and your-AAAH!!" Dopinder let out a scream as he rounded the corner to find Wade straddling and feeling up a howling, red-faced and bare-chested Wolverine. 

Upon hearing the terrified cry Wade immediately paused what he was doing as he looked back over his shoulder like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Uhh heeeey Dopinder. Ummm.....This isn't what it looks like.....," he had a guilty look on his face, but quickly revealed his facade as he broke into a devious grin, "Just fucking with you! It's totally what it looks like!"

"And-And what exactly does it look like?" The younger man dared to ask despite his better judgement.

"Well you see Dopinder when two men start living together they begin to develop these feelings; feelings that cause them to get these strong urges that they just can't ignore and-," Wade's tirade of nonsense was cut off as Logan took the opportunity to give him a hard shove and flip him over the back of the couch between pants for air

"Fucking idiot. Don't...freak out, kid. The asshole....was just ticklin' me...is all," Logan breathlessly grunted while moving to take a normal seated position on the couch as Wade then popped his head up from the back.

"That's what he wants to call it. Wanna get in on this action, Dopinder?"

"Oh uhh hehe, n-no thank you. I actually have some more deliveries to get finished. Ermm, next time perhaps," he stuttered nervously as he gingerly placed the food down onto the coffee table in front of them and began to make his exit from the apartment.

"Don't think I'm not holding you to that," Wade teased, making his former cab driver blush and dart out through the door as Wade chuckled and nudged Logan in the shoulder, "Hehehe, did you see how flustered he got? I'll bet he's even more ticklish than you are."

"Leave the kid alone, Wilson. You'd probably kill him. He doesn't have a healing factor like I do," Logan snorted, bunching up his shoulders as Wade lightly ran a finger across the back of his neck.

"Ohh I can be gentle if I want. But I'm pretty sure you're the kind of guy who likes it rough," Wade teased as he moved around to the front of the couch to sit next to the other man, surprised to hear Logan let out a low chuckle.

"Was that a laugh? Nice to see you finally start to appreciate my elite level of humor. Maybe I won't have to start with the daily tickle sessions after all."

Logan made a face at that and lifted his brow.

"Daily? Yeah fuck no, that ain't happening. Once in a while......fine. But I don't think I could take it every day," he mentally shivered thinking about what Wade just put him through.

"Tell you what, you start laughing a little more at my jokes and I'll consider it. But no fake laughing! Because I can tell the difference! Especially now that I know what your real laugh sounds like and let me tell you it's going to be hard for me to get enough of it," Wade experimentally grabbed his knee, giving it a firm squeeze and digging his fingers in around the kneecap as Logan instantly wheezed out a laugh and quickly wrenched the hand off of him.

"Alrihight! I get it! Promise I'll try!"

"I guess that's all I can ask of you. Of course I'm still making it my mission to find everywhere else you're ticklish, and what other really bad spots you have.....unless you just want to tell me," Wade suggested with a grin as Logan just smirked right back.

"Now where'd be the fun in that?"

"You know, you are so right, you smug little honey badger. I gotta say though I'm liking this mood you're in now."

"Well it's your fault. Ya tickled me so bad I couldn't even think straight. Seems like you pushed all the negative thoughts right outta my mind," Logan confessed as Wade began to reconsider his earlier promise.

"Is that so? Hmmm maybe those daily tickle sessions are a good idea after all...," Wade teased just to watch Logan squirm at the thought again.

"I don't think so, bub. Besides, look what ya did," he gestured to his wide-open shirt, pointing at all the areas missing buttons, "You ruined my favorite fucking shirt, dickhead."

"Hardly. You've got like twenty of the exact same one. That's all you ever wear," Wade was quick to point out as Logan just shrugged with a smile.

"So? What's your point?"

"My point is you're a walking fashion disaster. But okay, I'll try not to be so rough next time. We can do the gentle stuff if you prefer. So for research purposes can you tell me how you feel about feathers, hm?" He grinned as he saw Logan shift uneasily in his seat.

"You're gettin' a little crazy now, Wilson."

"Oh c'moooon, just imagine a nice, fluffy feather teasing that big ol' neck of yours.....circling your little tummy button....stroking the backs of your knees.....threading between all your toes....I can't imagine that your feet were spared of your adorable weakness."

"Wade...."

"Oooh! What about raspberries?! Those are fun! Bet it would drive you insane if I blew them on your belly. How about we test that out really quick?" Wade took a deep breath and started leaning towards him with his eyes locked onto his stomach.

"Alright cut it out!" Logan's hand caught him by the face and shoved him kind of hard, though couldn't stop himself from chuckling as he shook his head, "Fuckin' hell, you've seriously got a career in how to mentally torture a guy."

"At your service," Wade tipped an invisible hat as he then surveyed all the bags of food on the table in front of them, "So what did you order all of this for?"

"I told ya I was gonna watch the hockey game. Can't watch it without some proper snacks now," he reached into one of the bags and pulled out a tall can of beer as he popped the pull ring and took a long drink out of it while the other man began removing the take-out boxes.

"Chimichangas? Since when do you eat chimichangas?" Wade looked over at him questionably upon opening one of the containers as Logan gave him a half-smile.

"I got those for you, dumbass. Thought maybe you'd wanna hang out and watch the game with me." 

Wade was left momentarily speechless, truly touched by Logan's unexpected gesture.

"Well.....yeah of course. I'd love to. But how come you didn't ask me earlier?"

"Didn't get a chance to because you started bein' an idiot and going off about some other stupid show....'Touched By An Asshole' or something. What kinda pervy ass show is that anywaahaahaays?" Logan giggled, rubbing at his ribs where Wade had now just indignantly poked him.

"It's 'Touched By An Angel', you disrespectful twat. And it's a national treasure. But besides the fact that I've seen every episode, I didn't really want to watch it. I was just trying to get a rise out of you. You seemed tense," Wade admitted as Logan only shrugged and sipped from his beer can.

"When am I not?"

"Umm...Right now. Honestly I haven't you seen this relaxed in.....ever. Even when you're drunk sometimes you're still pretty moody," Wade pointed out as Logan took it in and knew he was right. He'd literally been forced into laughing off all of the burdens that he had carried for many years. His mind currently free from all the adverse feelings and troubles that he'd been endlessly plagued. 

The effects were likely not permanent but at least for the time being he felt good. Having to suffer through a vicious tickle attack to achieve that was more than worth it he decided.

"Hmph. Yeah. I guess you're right," a smile broke across Logan's face as he punched Wade in the shoulder, "Thanks asshole."

"Any time. And if you ever change your mind about the daily ticklings then I'm your guy," Wade was glowing from the actual genuine appreciation he'd just received from the normally cantankerous Wolverine.

"Heh. We'll see," Logan smirked as he bent over to pick up the remote off of the floor and turned on the television ahead of them, switching channels until he found the right one, "So do ya even like hockey?"

Wade nodded enthusiastically.

"Love it so much that I've never watched a game in my entire life," he said matter-of-factly before clapping his hands in excitement when he saw Dogpool trot into the room, patting the spot on the couch next to him as she jumped up.

Logan sighed as he handed his roommate a beer, realizing that the next few hours were going to be filled with Wade obnoxiously asking questions about every little thing that happened in the game. Though he couldn't help but smile as he watched the man-child start happily eating the chimichangas while simultaneously feeding little bits of them to his unusual looking dog.

Truth be told they all were an unusual bunch. Not just the three of them, but Blind Al, Peter, and Dopinder, to name a few. All these people that Wade had brought into his life and openly shared with him. Not to mention without Wade's intervention he never would have met Laura; someone he found he made a fast connection with and was now someone he cared deeply about.

Really Wade had rescued him that day. Rescued him from himself and gave him another reason to keep on living for. He felt his heart warm as he looked over at one of the side tables where Wade kept a framed photo of all of their friends; only now it was a new picture that included Logan, Laura and Mary Puppins in it.

Logan's smile grew as he reached over to pat the dog on the head before Wade made a whimpering noise and leaned his own head towards him to receive the same affection. He chuckled and obliged for a few moments before getting a wicked grin on his face as he snatched the hair piece off of Wade's head, prompting a momentary yelp of pain from the scarred man.

As the merc rubbed at his head while glaring over at him Logan found it impossible not to start laughing while jokingly dangling the toupee up in his hand. Wade then promptly broke into a smirk that told him he was dead, though even with that warning Logan made no attempt to escape.

Wade easily knocked him onto his back again to mercilessly tickle his sides while at the same time making the Wolverine shriek by blowing those promised raspberries into his stomach. And they tickled just as badly as Wade had said.

Yes, they were an unusual bunch, but they were his whole world now. And Logan was never going to let them down. Over his dead body.

[scoobydoowhatareyou]

Sarah Michelle Gellar really was the perfect casting choice for Daphne. Like, everyone talks about Matthew Lillard, but Sarah Michelle Gellar did such an amazing perfect job. Animated Daphne should have a gun, but Buffy Daphne IS the gun. I didn’t have a “gay awakening”, but seeing Daphne kick that luchador motherfucker’s ass was definitely a factor. Seriously though, she did such a good job combining damsel and badass, which makes sense because she’s fucking Buffy. Dude. Is there a Buffy/Scooby Doo crossover. I want one. I think Velma and Fred would die of nosebleeds, quite honestly

TLDR: Sarah Michelle Gellar is hot and Buffy is a badass and so is Daphne and we have her to thank

[triviallytrue]

I'm moving different. This shit ain't nothing to me man. I'm a dog. I'm biting the fart bubbles in the bath. We smoking symbiotes. Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian Furburger Deluxe Mega Million Scratcher Skunk Bubba Kush. We smoking dung beetle. I'm on twelve Vicodins smoking on Scooby Doo dick. We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers? We snorting that good buffalo soldier tamarind Jordanian Jibbies. They must have amnesia, they forgot that I'm Him. That Burberry backwoods pack kitten that pussy smell, like a Hellcat VH. We smoking shit in a glass pipe blowing the Lord's bubbles. I'm sick in the head. I'm on them Broward County tic tacs. I'm on them Georgetown geronimos. I'm on them Nashville nibblers. I left my Margielas in the Benz truck, I'll have to stunt on them next time. I don't give a fuck if I go blind. I don't need to see the price tag anyway. We s- I'm high on twelve Jason Bournes looking to beat the cum out of a thick fresh hoe. We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit. I'll fucking kill you. Call that pussy The Matrix cuz I'm in this bitch, and I can't get out. Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers! Don't be shy girl, I love me some, pastrami mud flaps. I'm moving like French Montana. Hæh? Welcome to the cream kingdom bitch, open up! Blac Chyna, I drink her piss out of another man's balls. My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Herrelson. You ain't seen ten bands in your life, chit! Reach for my neck you'll get turned into an example. Y'all gotta stop playing with me man. I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the Great Pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man. Tied the opps to the back of a track hog. And dragged him around the block for twenty four hours. Motherfucker! Looked like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him. Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant. I'm moving like Oppenheimer. She drop that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Steven Wallace. Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm. I have seen the Magna Carta, I have seen the eye of Horuh. I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before you all even became a type 1 civilization. This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit. Step the wrong way and you will perish. That pussy feel like Biscoff butter. You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cuz I don't give a shit. If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke, cuz I don't give a shit. My bitch look like David Hasselhoff. I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack. This shit ain't nothing to me man I'll kill you you stupid piece of shit

dracula flow is the spiritual complement to the northern boys

[claredanko]

I’m moving different

This shit ain’t nothing to me man, I’m a dog. I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath

We smoking Symbiote

Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian fur burger Deluxe Mega Millions scratcher skunk bubba kush

We smoking dung beetle

I’m on 12 vicodins, smoking on Scooby-Doo dick

We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers

We snorting that good Buffalo Soldier tamarind Jordanian gibbies

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I’m him. That Burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a Hellcat V8

We smoking shit in a glass pipe, blowing the Lord’s bubbles

I’m sick in the head

I’m on them Broward county Tic-Tacs, I’m on them Georgetown Geronimoes

I’m on them Nashville nibblers

I left my Margiela’s in the Benz trunk, I’ll have to stunt on them next time

I don’t give a fuck if I go blind, I don’t need to see the price tag anyways

I’m high on 12 Jason Bournes, looking to beat the cum out of a thick, fresh oak

We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you

Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out

Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers

Don’t be shy girl, I love me some Pastrami mudflaps

I’m moving like French Montana: haan

Welcome to the Cream Kingdom bitch, open up. Blac Chyna, I’d drink her piss out of another man’s balls

My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson

You ain't seen ten bands in your life, jit

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example

Y'all gotta stop playing with me man

I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man

Tied the opps to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged them around the block for 24 hours

Motherfucker look like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him

Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant

I'm moving like Oppenheimer

She dropped that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Stephen Wallace

Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm

I have seen the Magna Carta, I have the seen the eye of hor

I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type I civilization

This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit

Step the wrong way and you will perish

That pussy feel like Biscoff Butter

You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cause I don't give a shit

If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke cause I don't give a shit

My bitch look like David Hasselhoff

I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack

This shit ain't nothing to me man, I'll kill you, you stupid piece of shit

[susiephone]

Marta's a nurse so how much do you think she beat Blanc's ass not only for breaking quarantine to play Scooby-Doo on some Elon Musk motherfucker's private island but for also going maskless for most of it?

[buppypuppy]

I’m moving different

This shit ain’t nothing to me man, I’m a dog. I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath

We smoking Symbiote

Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian fur burger Deluxe Mega Millions scratcher skunk bubba kush

We smoking dung beetle

I’m on 12 vicodins, smoking on Scooby-Doo dick

We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers

We snorting that good Buffalo Soldier tamarind Jordanian gibbies

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I’m him. That Burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a Hellcat V8

We smoking shit in a glass pipe, blowing the Lord’s bubbles

I’m sick in the head

I’m on them Broward county Tic-Tacs, I’m on them Georgetown Geronimoes

I’m on them Nashville nibblers

I left my Margiela’s in the Benz trunk, I’ll have to stunt on them next time

I don’t give a fuck if I go blind, I don’t need to see the price tag anyways

I’m high on 12 Jason Bournes, looking to beat the cum out of a thick, fresh oak

We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you

Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out

Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers

Don’t be shy girl, I love me some Pastrami mudflaps

I’m moving like French Montana: haan

Welcome to the Cream Kingdom bitch, open up. Blac Chyna, I’d drink her piss out of another man’s balls

My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson

You ain't seen ten bands in your life, jit

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example

Y'all gotta stop playing with me man

I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man

Tied the opps to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged them around the block for 24 hours

Motherfucker look like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him

Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant

I'm moving like Oppenheimer

She dropped that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Stephen Wallace

Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm

I have seen the Magna Carta, I have the seen the eye of horror

I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type I civilization

This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit

Step the wrong way and you will perish

That pussy feel like Biscoff Butter

You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cause I don't give a shit

If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke cause I don't give a shit

My bitch look like David Hasselhoff

I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack

This shit ain't nothing to me man, I'll kill you, you stupid piece of shit

I'm gonna kiss you straight on the mouth.

[fuckinghomepage]

SEPTEMBER 24, 2023

IT'S FUCKING SUNDAY.

WORDS OF WISDOM OF THE FUCKING DAY:

NO MAN HAS A GOOD ENOUGH MEMORY TO BE A SUCCESSFUL LIAR.

EDUCATE YOUR IGNORANT ASS:

A TIMELINE OF THE HISTORY OF THE FUCKING WEB. more>>

FUCKING MIND-BLOWING BOOK OF THE DAY:

START YOUR OWN FUCKING CREAMERY. more>>

USEFUL SHIT OF THE GODDAMN DAY:

GO SCOOBY-DOO ON MOTHERFUCKERS. more>>

WEBSITE OF THE FUCKING DAY:

GO BEYOND BOOKMARKS. more>>

AWESOME-AS-SHIT VIDEO OF THE DAY:

HOW NYC BECAME A GODDAMN RAT KINGDOM. more>>

[twosomeofcuteness]

DW Season Finale Thoughts! (Spoilers below the cut)

Sorry, Mrs. Flood is dead???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? She was teased the entire season and now she's just dead? WTF

Kate noooooo I miss you come back

Hey wait a second, where's rose?

Please don't nickname the god of death

What's this weirdo ship. Oh. Thx doc. Aw Mel hugging the tie

"We're on fire" gives me the same vibe as "I'm in danger" and I can't explain why

Great work gang.

Now wait a second cause I thought everyone was supposed to be dead except Ruby (based on the episode description)

goddamn it's 73 yards again

Okay this sutekh stuff is fun and all but can we get to the part where River Song is Ruby's mom and also please can River Song be Ruby's mom and also not dead and please can River come back I miss her

Welp. Everyone's dead ig 'cept these three.

Hey wait if everyone everywhere you landed is dying wouldn't that kill the Vashta Nerada on the library planet? Cause that'd be pretty cool actually

Aw nice the motherfuckers (daleks) are dead. A win.

Hey wait a second, why haven't we seen the daleks this season I kinda miss the mfs

oml doctor stop with the pity party it's gonna be okay

okay actually nvm gimme more of the feral screaming cause that's real as hell

Okay but also where is the fun in everything and everyone being dead? What are you gonna do with the rest of your life now Sutekh???? HUH?? Did you think of that???

Okay okay so Ruby is greater than the doctor that's interesting to know... Maybe cause her mom is River Song child of the TARDIS????? (Guys I really want River to come back, I can't help it)

doc if everyone is dead how are you talking to someone? I am confusion

Oh she dead now.

Ruby answer the time window sweetie

oh damn even the god of death wanna know who Ruby's mom is

NO don't tell her she's human please I need her to be River's kid.

NO MEL SWEETIE BABY NOOOOO

"Love a whistle" is holding hands with "love a tomb" gimme my wife back please

hey guys maybe pay attention cause Mel's not okay rn

no. leave Mel on the tardis please

this is the doctor who show. they can't kill doctor who. not permanently

nope nope, turn that screen around doc don't let me see

yessss send her to keep watch good job

poor mel. Sutekh don't hurt my babyyyy

Mel sweetie you're so strong you can fight him please sweetie

no MELLLLLLLLLLLLL BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

don't give him the name Rubes okay you can do it

literally an empty empire sounds so boring like wtf

Doc keep your mouth shut cause baby you ain't helping

RUBY NO

is ruby ruby's mom?

shut up scooby doo

YESSS RUBY

YES TARDIS BABY ILY WELCOME BACK HONEY I'M SO SORRY YOU HAD SUTEKH ON YOU FOR SO LONG WITHOUT CONSENT

MEL BABY WELCOME BACK

OMG ROSE DEAREST YOU'RE OKAY

hey it's that guy who died behind the tardis last episode. he's okay now

alright so mrs flood who tf are you?

yes welcome back the ood!!!!!

welome back random woman and her child glad you're okay

yo is doc gonna kill sutekh???

ah lit death is dead... Can River come back now??????

doctor sweetie it's gonna be okay

oh neat Susan Triad you doing great proud of you. lmaooo not with the tea then

hey wait a damn minute give ruby the credit she deserves for saving the world

NOOOOOOOO WHY ISN'T IT RIVER *SOBBINGS*

I'm sure louise is great but I wish she was River.

Nah that signpost thing was silly

lmao mel just pats his arm and walks away that's hilarious

Doc you idiot you can't take the girl to her mom and then expect her not to go in and see her mom

stop my adopted ass can't take this and neither can the doctor's cause he is not doing well.

imagine if that wasn't her though cause that'd be real funny

awkward for that store employee too

oh thank fuck I thought he was gonna abandon her

NO NO NO WAIT RUBY'S COMING BACK NEXT SEASON RIGHT?!?!?! CAUSE I LOVE HER AND I DON'T WANNA LOSE HER

DOCTOR STOP YOU DON'T LIKE GOODBYES PLEASE DON'T SAY GOODBYE NOT TO YOUR BESTIE

River didn't come back AND he said goodbye to Ruby wtf is this.

Oml mrs flood who even are you leave me alone already.

In conclusion this is how I currently feel:

[zombirps]

Selfships cause why not-

Paplio ◆ Hoclei (Disaster Besties)- Paplio is possessed by an entity known as the 'mirror demon'- Hoclei spent the last 25 sweeps figuring out how to seal it to save her best friend. The true ride or dies

Rokkun ◆ Alcida (Unnamed[Crushing])- Childhood friends, Rokkun has been trying her best to keep Alcida's worst stalking habits from coming out, and Alcida keeps Rokkun's anger issues from exploding(Because she's trying to keep calm to clean up Alcida's messes LOL. Alcida's anger is scarier than Rokkun's).

Paplio ◆ Hoclei / Rokkun ◆ Alcida (Boo Crew)- Scooby doo ass motherfuckers.

Gneise <//> Cloten (Codependency Trauma)- Gneise and cloten were rails for the first 100 sweeps, until Cloten's stalker attacked and almost killed Gneise. The guilt kept Cloten from being there for Gneise during recovery and Gneise cut off the relationship for her own mental health. They'll get back together at some point, because despite Gneise's best efforts to keep boundaries, she still treats Cloten like a rail and still looks out for her.

Whelsp ◆ Zukuas (Tinkertoys)- Zukuas is a redblood with extremely acidic stomach bile that has destroyed her vocal cords- Whelsp operated on her and replaced her entire esophogus with non corrosive material. Zukuas often is taken advantage of because she's used to being a doormat, which results in Whelps becoming even more aggressive and protective.

[popculturebuffet]

4th of July 2024 Special: An American Carol Review (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Happy forth all you happy people! It's that time of year again to fire up Le Grill, spend time with your loved ones and blow shit up constantly and for those of you who want some explodey boom boom pow sticks I have a friend who might be able to help you with that

For me though this fourth is a special occasoin: See for the last two years Kev has pitched reviewing An American Carol, a career destroying right wing comedy from David Zucker, the guy who co directed such classics as Airplane! and Naked Gun, and who became an old man yelling at clouds for being peace loving commies apparnetly and had this film not come out in 2008 , i'm sure it would've been stuffed with jokes about how "COMEDY IS DEADDDDDDDDDDDDD". I swear every time a comedian I respected says something like that I die a little on the inside.

So naturally I put this off as long as I could as it sounded bad and worst like something that'd give me maybe just a little to riff on but mostly a cloud of "that's not funny". I eventually caved as Kev.. is a good guy. He's paid for a LOT of reviews, helped me in tight spots, and a LOT of his ideas for projects were straight fire, like covering the blue beetle episodes of brave and the bold, the various duck retrospectives or most recently footing the bill so I could finally finish my life and times retrospective. So while he is also a greasy motherfucker for putting me through this movie and I will not let him live it down, I couldn't say no.

Good news, this film DOES give me a lot to talk about. It's not the xerox of a xerox of zucker I was expecting: i'ts a full on zucker film and I credit the about five jokes that worked to that style. The bad news... is this film is the worst movie i've ever seen and every moment of it was pain to sit through. And I fact checked that to make sure it wasn't just recency bias: I looked at the films i've seen on letterboxd, where I spent my early days marking down EVERY film i've seen. I thought about it against films I truly HATED and coudl've held the crown at one point: Anger Management, Are We There Yet?, Little Fockers, Let's Be Cops, License To Wed, Biodome, Scooby Doo Return to Zombie Island, Muppet Wizard of Oz, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, and MANNNY more I don't necessarily hate with a good chunk of my being but still aren't GOOD. All of these.. and none is as painful to watch, as execrutiating, as insulting as this film. This film is bad, Kev should feel bad, and David Zucker should feel godawful for making this film. Not for being conservative, I mean i'm not a huge fan of being conservative but it's his right, just for making a film this insulting, one sided, petty, gross.

An American Carol is one long dig at Micheal Moore portraying him as a slovenly egotistical asshole who no one likes because David Zucker has a hate boner for documentaries, while also shoving down your throat the message that

But without any of that charm and irony: it's just a long screed that says "well if you don't support the war the terrorists win" and makes up the argument liberals think the war in afghantistan was fake and the taliban isn't real which.. no... no we do not. We think the Iraq War was a mistake and done soley for Bush's ego and own agenda. It's like if you were trapped in a twitter argument with a conservative for an hour and couldn't just.. block his ass and move on with your day, you HAD to engage. It's like if one of my surlier conservative uncles wrote a movie. This film.. is terrible. It sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms. It is not good and what few good jokes it has are drowned out by his bullshit. If it were an ice cream flavor it would be pralines and dick. So unfortunately, we have ot break down WHY under the cut. And trust me if nothing else this film is FAR more batshit than you could ever fathom featuring patton's ghost mowing down the aclu who are zombies, songs on liberal indocrination, and Kevin McDonald playing with micheal moore's literal dead ass. Follow me under the cut. .you've been warned.

The movie follows Micheal Moore. For those who weren't around when he was a big name, Michael Moore is a doctumentary film maker, mostly known for being loud, bold and for getting huge success and acclaim for his 2004 documentary Farenheight 9/11, a documentary I haven't seen but now really want to, partly because it was a such a big deal even me, a children at the time, knew it existed so it's curious. And partly because it pissed off David Zucker SO badly he made this entire film as a rebuttal, and this film is such a pissy and petty attempt at a comeback I almost feel obligated to watch the thing that pissed him off out of pure spite.

Part of that spite comes out of how spiteful the film comes off towards Moore: The film depicts Moore as a documentary film maker with a massive ego who most of the world ignores because no one gives a shit about documentaries. Zucker comes off as REALLY fucking despising documentaries, taking every opportunity to make a joke about how no one watches them and no one likes documentary film makers and gives Moore a desire to break into features because of this. Now taking shots at how little america cares about documentaries? That's fine. It's added by the fact Moore DID want a best picture nomination and didn't get it, so I get trying to go that way.. but he instead does it so damn often, acting like fucking everyone hates documentaries and liberals only watch them because their teachers assign them, that I'm convinced David Zucker really just hates fucking documentaries and wanted to vent about it.

The problem is that he's using a real person to do this. Michael Malone's only diffrences from Moore is that he's a giant asshole, he's not married, and his films are all about hating america instead of systemic issues with it. By making your mouthpiece for what you hate about liberals "A real person but he sucks more because I hates him", it makes you come off like a whiny bitch who is mad this guy said mean things about the party you work for and thus is making every mean spirited joke you can.

Zucker spends the bulk of the film's run time taking shots at moore: His stand in can't get women, wants to direct a feature because no one likes documentaries, his only fans are liberals who are portrayed as sheepish assholes, and in the gag he repeats the most

Scott Steiner is less subtle with his fat jokes and he spent a good two minutes talking about the Dudley Boys FATTTTTT ASSSSSESSSS. The whole film has Moore eating constantly, being kinda gross with it and always obsessed with food. The fat shaming in this film is incredible. And i'm not against fat jokes: i'm chubby myself and if made in good enough faith or in bizzare enough instances they can work. But there's a line between "Making fat jokes because your fat or making them so cartooniishly nuts" and "a school yar bully picking on someone for being overweight" and this film is about 50% that.

Also just for the record: moore was married and had been since 1991 when the film came out and only divorced 5 years after this film, and is clearly just horny so Zucker can insert fanservice in slot b. As for the feature thing i'ts very clear Moore is happy doing them and got good success: Farenheight 9/11 was a MASSIVE success despite Micheal Esiner not wanting to release it and Moore and sex monster Harvey Weinstien having to reveal Touchstone was being petty about it. Moore was a known quantity and a minor celebrity. People knew who he was and saw his film. not every doc is going to be this big cultural thing but enough have been for him to come off as tone deaf. It's one thing to make a joke about something you know is true or distort it for the funny it's another to just.. lie for the whole film for a joke tha'ts nonexistent. Not only that MOORE MADE A FEATURE FILM. Canadian Bacon, a satire of the us and John Candy's last film. It didn't do well and he clearly decided he preferred documentaries. If you wanted to take a pot shot at him take a pot shot at him wanting an oscar because commercial success means nothing or something. When you start making up shit to make your point, you've already lost. Moore as far as I can tell at least tried backing up HIS points.

And you CAN make a statment with political comedy. John Oliver does it every week, 30 Rock once did a whole episode making a children's baseball team a metaphor for Iraq, and the Boondocks was full of clever satire, both of the rich that run the country and even of things most wouldn't tackle, like the massive hype train around obama that was overblown a bit. South Park makes a sport of it and while it dosen't ALWAYS work, some things like Douche and Turd hold up brilliantly. Doonesbury, one of my faviorite comic strips, does great satire. It may not be why i'm there (I love the large cast) but he weaves it in well using great character work.

Those shows though.. make an actual point. Oliver uses comedy to lighten the moon, the boondocks usually had a thesis for it's episodes and what it was targeting, south park always does. They think it out, make a point, while still making jokes along the way. Here it's clear Zucker didn't really think out his points or what his opponent had actually said. Gary Trudeau clearly thinks through his stuff, what who he's going after has done and gloms on it.

Zucker.. zucker just has the very broad point of "WE NEED TO FIGHT WAR BECAUSE TERRORISTS ARE A THREAT EVEN IF YOU BASTARDS DON'T THINK SO" and that Moore is HELPING them by objecting to the war.

He dosen't have any nuance to his take. The Zucker Brothers best comedies had some nuance: Airplane is a zany farce but there's an art to the joke. And while some of that art IS present here, it's drowned out by constantly trying to scream at the left and make conservatives feel better about their opinions. It's hard to enjoy Leslie Neilsen casually coming back from running after two people with a sword with blood on his blade when it's followed by General Patton killing a bunch of zombies from the ACLU who are demonized for... wanting to make sure we don't cross lines when torturing prisoners, imprison people indefinitely or by accident, or put the ten commandments in public court houses.

Yeah we'll come back to that, trust me, but you see my point: every bit of doofy absurdist glory.. is drowned out by a one sided argument with no empathy for the other side: Leftists in this film are portrayed as either attention seeking fuckwits, naive students, professors whose heads are still in the 60's, or literal zombies. They even dunk on George Clooney. First they have him played by Kevin Sorbo, then they imply they only cover topics that are "in the past" said topics are the nazis, mcathrisim, and racisim... all things that either still exist in some form (Racisim and Nazi Doctrune) or are still relevant as things like them still happen (Mcathrisim). The whole reason we have films covering the issues of the past... is because we keep repeating it. Trump plans to go after all his enmies if he wins again, is a white suprmacist and is extremley prejudiced. All of this is relevant and was at the time too: Racisim was still a thing in 2008, white supremacy existed. You can hopefully see at this point WHY watching this film is so agonizing: it's having a billgerent far right a hole scream in your ear for 93 minutes about how much you suck without being able to rebut because it's a movie, all while every point he makes is somehow dumber than the last and what points he does are drowned out by stupid, all while he calls you the biggest most naive son of a bitch who ever lived for daring to questoin war.

And the neccesity of war.. is the core of the film. Moorelone is hosting a "Ban 4th of July" rally. His nephew, whose in the military, objects to this when he finds out but was only coming to invite him to his fourth of july party. Moore is depectied as hating the troops.. which... is so factually inacurate, just going to the wikipedia page for Farenheit 9/11, something that took me all of a minute, shows Moore not only supports the troops but had the mother of a soldier who died in the doc and dedicated it to those who died in the september 11th attacks and the war.

Something the film dosen't grasp is you can hate war.. AND still be sympathetic to our troops. Our troops are not war mongering jackasses. Their, for the most part (As no group is perfect), well meaning people who want to help protect the country. Being military is something I can get behind. The comic strip doonesbury is what helped me get this view, and not only is it mostly liberal, it has tons of military as characters from one of the main cast BD who served from the Vietnam war to iraq before loosing a leg, to his best friend Ray, to Melissa, a vet overcoming the trauma of command rape and now a senator. Trudeau is liberal.. but isn't above showing opposing view points or showing the military.. as people. BD is a conservative, if thankfully the pre-trump kind, and a bit of an asshole, but his service is honored and the effects of coming home wounded on him are one of the series best character arcs.

People like me and Gary Trudeau objected to the war.. because it was for the wrong reasons. The Afghanistan war was just.. ineveitble. Al-Queda killed millions and were not going to stop and did it on us soil. We had to act. But Iraq.. is just bush using a horrible attack on our soil to justify a war he wanted his dad didn't finish. I'm not against proudly serving our country, but I am against an old man and the older man with a hand up his ass and thier various cronies sending those patroitc men and women to possibly die for a war that caused more problems than it solved. Afghanistan was necessary.. Iraq was the real problem.

Unsurprisingly, Zucker never brings up Iraq because it'd mean his argument would have to have "gasp" nuance! Oh the tribulation. His argument relies on the idea that the war on terror was necessary, but ignores the fact it could've been fought diffrent. That torture isn't necessary. That it's okay to not want a war against a country that was no threat to us (If still fucking awful), so civillians and our own military personnel don't die. It's something the right keeps horrifically forgetting: there are civilians. Civllians exist. It's how we got translators over there. War has a high bloody cost and has to be done only when necessary. I would LIKE for things to be settled peacefully, but in a world where most are out for their own self interest, that's not always an option. Sometimes war is a necessary evil.. but it's never a GOOD thing and it's okay to want it to end at some point. It's not okay to scream at people who don't want to just throw wave after wave of our own men at them.

So Kevin accidently walks into rock bottom as some comedy terrorists offer to bankroll his film and in this films eyes he's too stupid to realize the obvious. This terrorism subplot is tacked on as hell, both to hammer home the message that "terrorism is real" which

And opens the film with some antics the only one of which is funny is a workplace accident video about suicide bombing, which is such a dark concept it works. it's not the best, but it almost convinced me the film was good before it spent the next ten minutes screeching "GET IT I DON'T LIKE THAT MICHAEL MOORE GUY VERY MUCH. YA GET IT. YA GET IT YET. YA GET I DON'T LIKE MICHAEL MOORE"

The terrorists just feel kinda jammed into this movie, which is the feeling of a LOT of set pieces in this film. The film is trying to be a takeoff of a christmas carol.. but crams in a lot of shit besides it. Which in most films Zucker did worked. The plot was a thin framework to cram in jokes. Here this somehow has both too much plot, with the christmas carol a plot and the terroism b plot that crash together at the end that are only linked thematically, with tons of side trips and some ACLU zombie hunting. We'll circle back to that, trust me it's somehow even more nonsensical than it sounds. Yes that's possible.

So after half an hour in which micheal also meets with his agent whose played by James Woods who dosen't show up in the rest of the film for understandable reasons

And goes to an award show where he meets the terroists we get to his hotel room, where he idolizes Kennedy. The real Moore was an FDR fan, but at this point we can assume the only facts Zucker knew about Moore were "he's a liberal, I don't likes him, he's from michigan and

So John F Kennedy comes out of the screen to berate moore for forgetting the part of his "ask not what you can do" speech that advocated for war and decides he'll be visited over the next day or so by three spirits. Well in theory. In practice he's stalked by the Ghost of Patton for several days and the other two come in at the very end. Honestly.. you could've just done one. I woudln't of blamed you: while the three spirits thing is neat, if you just wanted one guy for both budget reasons and because he already fit as narrator, and because you could afford Kelsey Grammar more than you could John Voight or Country Music Man, there's no shame in that. There's a LOT of shame in this film, but simply wanting to do one spirit because the character fits the various scenarios better is fine by me.

So Moore spends the next day or so being haunted by Patton's ghost. He's played by Kelsey Grammar as I said, who dosen't really fit patton physically.. but he was conservative and agreed to be in this thing, so he was good enough and he DOES honestly give this film his best. Most of the acting is pretty meh and whoever they could get. Kelsey really is trying.. and that's with the fact he thought the film was too broad. The guy is fucked politically, but I give him credit for being one of the only two people who gave a shit.

Our lead... really dose'nt. Kevin Farley is the brother of chris farley and agreed to do this because "leading paycheck" and "he probably conservative." i'd assume. He is just .. loud. obnoxious and I don't fully blame him as he has nothing to work with, he dosen't do anything to convince me he'd be BETTER with less garbage material. Leslie Neilsen, likely doing a favor to and old friend and Kelsey Grammar kinda throw that into tier and Kelsey's role is crap, but he's at least trying as if the film wasn't and Nielsen is funny as always if not given enough to do.

So Patton takes Micheal to various set pieces, which i'll break down as we go as this is really just the film: Micheal goes to a set piece, ocasinally interacts with the b plot, goe sto another set piece. It FITS the formula of a christmas carol.. but also feels like that framework didn't fill the film enough so Zucker sticks in some random bs.

So we start with Malone at a war protest, with Malone declaring all war bad and advocating for peace talks, something that dosen't really work, but SHOULD be tried first. Patton takes him to see Neville Chamberlain... who is portrayed as a boot licking sycophant bending over to the nazi's who have plans to invade. All Kev had to do was show me Chamberlains' tv tropes page to call bullshit, all Zucker had to do to rethink this gag was go to wikipedia but at this point i'm not convinced he knew it existed and fi he did assumed it had some ancient curse that would turn him into a newt.

They also have Moore NOT KNOW WHAT A NAZI IS, as pointed out before but bears repearting. HE DOSEN'T KNOW WHAT A NAZI IS.

Patton takes him to see protests of world war II, using it because Pattonw as in that war.. and because Zucker dosen't want to use Vietnam, where we fucked up, or the Gulf War, which directly lead to the iraq war, so he uses the one where we yes, indeed HAD to fight because Hitler was indeed pure evil and a genocidal racist, homophobic, anti semetic and so many other things monster who was thankfully too dumb to actually win.

So when Micheal holds to his view no war is justified

Patton takes him to the present... where he now has slaves because the civil war never happened. SO we get a very UNCOMFORTABLE scene of David Alan Greir talking about how Micheal Moore rarely beats him. Slavery is bad, the civil war was necessary..

You also didn't have to embarss david alan grier with this bullshit. The guy did read the script I assume, but i'm sure he also assumed it'd get edited.. right.. right.. only to come to set dressed up as a slave and having to use a sterotype voice. Also Gary Coleman is here. He sure was here.

Patton next follows MIcheal to a campus rally claming they only watch his films because "their teachers told them too" and "he's the only liberal who can't get laid on a college campus"

He was popular and young idealistic liberals would eat that shit up. On the second part.. this film has weird obession with getting Michael Moore laid and i'm not here fo rit.

So it's here we get the indocrination song which has the biggest "i'm mad at my grandkids" energy of any musical number in film history. Seriously he , via Patton, accuses the college professors of having never left 1968, of brainwashing kids, and of "this is what their teaching your kids" instead of maybe that college is the first time a lot of young people get out of a conservative echo chamber. The internet's lessened that, thank god, but sometimes kids are opened up to the idea that maybe just maybe a lot of america's history sucks and the country is racist or that maybe we DIDN'T need an extra war to go with our war because Bush had daddy issues. I'm just.. so baffled by this "brainwashing" narrative when i'ts really just "your grandkids don't call because your an asshole pop pop" or "No dad, marrying a cat is not the same thing as two people of the same sex marrying each other"... that last one might've been just me. The song is catchy and COULD have had a point: that sometimes young people are a bit too gung ho in their actvisim and don't see the bigger picture. They often do, but sometimes when your a teen or in college, something i've gone through, you don't see the black and white of people's pollitics, why they might've voted that way. I've had many a conservative who were nothing but kind good people who just happened to vote for bush. Being conservative dosen't make you an asshole and sometimes it's easy not to see the shades of grey. Granted sometimes it also leaves you arguing with your dad over issues that feel obviously in your corner but they just can't accept, I may have issues, but sometimes people can disagree with you and not be a douchebag and that's hard to accept when some parts of the right are so fucking awful. It's a kind of empathy zucker wholly lacks in this film, the ablility to maybe see WHY liberals object to the war instead of

So we move on to an interview Moore has that day.. with bill o'reily.

Yeah sexual harasser, right wing asshole Bill O'Reily interviews Malone and Rosie O'Donnel... who is made into a 911 truther and nut. We get a way too fucking long sketch about her film where the christians are doing everything Al'Queda did GET IT BECAUSE TERRIOISTS ARE BOMBING. ALSO I ASSUME EVERY PERSON IN AFGHANISTAN IS IN AL'QUEDA BECAUSE I'M RACIST. When really O'Donnel is just really critical of the catholic church, pointing out their sex scandal and pointing out a lot of the supreme court is catholic. It's loud and reactionary.. but she's not wrong the catholic church is fucked up. Zucker is wrong to try and blame islam as a religion for a radical terrorist group, fuck him, which shoudl go without saying at this point but I need to say it to keep my sanity. If this review's been a bit more unhinged that's because every time I get a seconds respite in this flim, Zucker would throw out MORE bullshit that was obviously wrong but would then linger for several minutes.

Oh and as insult to injury O'reily says Moore is "more dangerous" because "People buy what he's selling".

So next Moore finds out their doing auditions for his film. The main terrorist...

Wants press passes he easily gets to bomb a Trace Adkins concert. If it sounds like the terroist film bombing plot is just kinda there.. it is. It absolutely is. It's just there to fill time and give us a climax when the climax.. should be Moore realizing the "error" of his ways. Again, flexible when it comes to a christmas carol adaptations, but come the fuck on. They gave you a pretty easy outline to follow and the runtime is not that long.

So Patton takes Moore to the past for the first time, to see what may of broke him. like a christmas carol he had a failed lost romance. Unlike it... it wasn't at all his fault. He left to go to college for a semester before dropping out, and came back to find his girlfriend dating his best friend and his best friend having joind the military. This is supposed to be why he hates war, but.. in that same flashback.. he already does. He already hated war, he already was on his way to being who he is now. It's just another chance to take pot shots at Moore's character by making him look like a looser.. which dosen't work because his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend who in his eyes betrayed their ideals.

Next is christmas july present, which is July 4th, where every one of his nephews kids hates Moore for never helping them with their medical bills.. which is fair but again WE GET IT. YOUR VERSION OF MICHEAL MOORE IS AN ASSHOLE. It's also one of the few funny jokes in the film.

Speaking of which, in the background, Leslie Neilsen has been narrating this film... to these kids... who were there. one of whom is atticus schafer from the middle and steven universe.

The narration bits.. are entirely tacked on and feel like Zucker wanted to get more Leslie in there, but couldn't convince him to do any of the henious shit. We do get a really great bit where, when the aclu song happens, everyone in the wraparound pauses in confusion but otherwise it's just kinda there. Neilsen gets a better cameo they should've just stuck to playing himself having been cast for Moores movie, running after two actors with a saber and coming back with blood on it before saying he dosen't do documentaries. We needed more of Leslie but at the same time i'm greatful they kept his hands clean. If not his sword.

So then Patton bursts in with an army of soldiers. he gives moore a helmet and takes him to the courthouse to fight the "real enemy", the ACLU. The ACLU are zombies because Grammar begged for the scene to be rewritten so he wasn't mowing people down for their belivies. The ACLU's crime is wanting them not to torture terrorists, give them actual rights, and for taking down the ten commandments. Dennis Hopper shows up in his final fiml role to try and teach micheal moore war is fun.

I said all of that as plainly as I could.. so you could fully grasp what the fuck just happened. All the take that's in this film are bad, but this one is horrific. Saying the ACLU is bad.. because they wante people to have human rights and don't want cops to randomly search bags because someone is of color. Yes these are enemy combatants, but it dosen't give us the right to jack bauer them to get info or commit general war crimes, a lot of which did happen. And in general given all the good work the ACLU do and how much of it is helping people of color and queer people, it comes off mildly racist to peg them as monster sneeding to be put down. Also Patton shoots a terrioist he wasn't sure was one exploding them because Zucker apparently thinks it's okay to shoot someone if you THINk they've done something wrong or their the aclu. As for what this has to do with the plot

So Zucker took TIME out of the film to have patton mow down the ACLU because they dare to ask we not torture people.

The good news is we're almost free as this film is way shorter than it felt, not helped by me having to pause it a LOT to take in what shit i'd just witnessed.

So Patton hasn't reached Malone because none of his tactics make any sense and it's clear Malone is a selfish asshat so he fosts him on George Washington, whose there for a minute, talks about freedom and does nothing of consequences before being confronted by the angel of death, played by trace adkins who shows him the future.

It's here we get one of the film's most obnoxious sequence which in a normal film would be it's worst, but we just saw patton murder the aclu so , that bar is a bit high to clear. So Christopher McDonald is in this..

Along with Zachary Levi, which given later revelations is'nt super suprising. They are going through the remains of those who died and find Micheal Moore's ass. They then proceed to talk about how fat he is, use his hat to mock him and put his dead ass on

Michigan was nuked thanks to Moore and hollywood is now Osamaland and moore is praised as helping their cause

What do I even say at this point I haven't already? Objecting to war dosen't mean supporting terrorist groups!

So i'm almost free of this mummy's curse as Moore realizes terrosim is real, and after getting slapped by Patton, JFK and Bill O'Reily, who sadly isn't a ghost but just likes slapping Michael Moore. So he goes to his ralley where Jimmy Carter's somehow got us troops to surrender, don't ask, and Moore says turns out war is good for you ti's good for me, and gets rescued from the insuing angry mob by vetrans and taken to the Trace Adkins concert. He's informed by the two comedy terriroists their boss is going to bomb the place, they dont' want to die and Moore gets on stage and the film bungles the christmas carol thing as Moore, at least this version.. . isn't a bette rperson. he's still an ass he's just.. pro war now? He finds the terroist, he wins the day.

So Moore goes off to wish his nephew off.. and kill his children with slapstick because again, he hasn't changed. Zucker is so petty he can't do the one thing a christmas carol does best: have a person change for better. One of the most famous parts of it besides the three spirits, which you also botched. moore makes a biopic about jfk, and i'm thankfully free. FREE DAMN YOU FREE.

This film sucks. I try to see the good in most things I review: It's usually easy because I usually review good stuff, but even when ti's bad or mediocre I like to try and find what's good. All this film has.. is a few good gag. It's a hateful rant rejecing the idea not all wars are necessary, it's mildly racist, extremley stupid and EXTTTTTTREEEEMLLLLLLLY pety. And you know the funniest thing? the film... didn't provoke moore. When Jay Leno played a clip, one of the JFK bits not one of the most insulting things, he just brushed it off and said "I hope it was funny" That's it. Moore honestly didn't give a shit and if he saw the film, he never bothered to react. It's the best way to beat a bully a lot of the time: you don't give them the attention they clearly wanted. It's funnier than the whole movie: that Zucker spent an entire movie yelling in the man's ear and he just..ignored it. All of this.. was for nothing. And that at least.. makes me smile.

Thanks for reading, happy 4th and to all our men , women and nb's in the armed forces.. thank you for your service.

[bastardtrait]

great big get 2 know me post

i promise everyone that has tagged me in things that i did not ignore them! thanks for tagging me friends <3 love u all and if anyone sees this and wants to do it, please, use this post an excuse

5 songs i actually listen to - tagged by @airbussy-a330!

when you get this, you have to write down 5 songs you actually listen to and post them. then send this (ask or tag) to 10 cool people

アイド/ルIdol - YOASOBI

Do not touch - MISAMO

小幸运/A little happiness - Hebe Tien

死ぬのがいいわ/Alright with dying - Fujii Kaze

Replay - Iyaz (I know it's a meme but it's also a banger ok)

people you'd like to get to know better - tagged bt @thegloomiestwhim and @beebeesiims!

last song: Do not touch - MISAMO

favourite colour: yellow, as it's been for the last couple years!

currently watching: Demon Slayer but idk if I'll keep going lol...

last movie: Scooby Doo on Zombie Island LOL

currently reading: The Colour Purple by Alice Walker

sweet/spicy/savoury: savoury

last thing I googled: the business hours of a restaurant nearby

current obsession: nothing, I think

currently working on: editing Nova gen 6 and playing gen 7

feelings tag, sims edition - I am borrowing this from @akitasimblr bc it was just so interesting to think about.

"The boss of EA is in front of you asking for one statement about The Sims before he goes away and makes TS5. What do you say to him?"

was Journey to Batuu worth it you motherfucker?

"Do your Sims know you as their Sim God or are you the invisible deity to them?"

I mean I occasionally break the 4th wall and sometimes my sims seem to be aware that they are sims. but if I'm being serious about it then I'm really just an impartial camera in their lives. a detached third party. like even what I write for the Lucky stories are determined by dice rolls and not me lol so. I don't think of myself as a deity.

"How do you see yourself connected to your Sims? Do those of you who say you love them, really mean this? How deep is your game?"

well, seeing as I'm still playing these games and I'm still largely enjoying them, yeah I'm pretty connected to them. although if TS5 really is live service or whatever then I'm really not going to play it lol.

I think of some sims I've had, some of their stories and their lives, and yeah I get a lil bit emo. the same goes for my friends' sims! I miss them too. as for depth...I mean I dunno it's probably not all that deep for me. I think the sims is just a toy. I don't necessarily want too much of real life to seep into it bc real life sucks ass.

"What’s your Sims Secret? Is there something going on in your game that none of your screenshots will ever tell us? WHO IS LOCKED IN YOUR BASEMENT? What are those secret Sims doing behind closed doors?"

girl I post my sims fucking, there is nothing secret going on there lmfao. sometimes I revert to my TS1 days and pick sims that piss me off and put them in Hazardous Situations. I'm looking at you knox greenburg.

"Can we learn anything from our Sims to take away for our real lives? And/or can you give us an example of how The Sims has influenced you outside of gaming?"

this is MILDLY ironic but also kinda not: you know how in TS4 sims' moods change on the flip of a dime and they go through it multiple times a day? even bad moodlets have an end to them, and at the end of it your sim is just ... Fine. it'll be alright.

[wokeuplaughing]

zoning out at work because I keep thinking about I'm moving different. This shit ain't nothing to me man. I'm a dog. I'm biting the fart bubbles in the bath. We smoking symbiotes. Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian Furburger Deluxe Mega Million Scratcher Skunk Bubba Kush. We smoking dung beetle. I'm on twelve Vicodins smoking on Scooby Doo dick. We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers? We snorting that good buffalo soldier tamarind Jordanian Jibbies. They must have amnesia, they forgot that I'm Him. That Burberry backwoods pack kitten that pussy smell, like a Hellcat VH. We smoking shit in a glass pipe blowing the Lord's bubbles. I'm sick in the head. I'm on them Broward County tic tacs. I'm on them Georgetown geronimos. I'm on them Nashville nibblers. I left my Margelas in the Benz truck, I'll have to stunt on them next time. I don't give a fuck if I go blind. I don't need to see the price tag anyway. We s- I'm high on twelve Jason Bournes looking to beat the cum out of a thick fresh hoe. We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit. I'll fucking kill you. Call that pussy The Matrix cuz I'm in this bitch, and I can't get out. Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers! Don't be shy girl, I love me some, pastrami mud flaps. I'm moving like French Montana. Hæh? Welcome to the cream kingdom bitch, open up! Blac Chyna, I drink her piss out of another man's balls. My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson. You ain't seen ten bands in your life, chit! Reach for my neck you'll get turned into an example. Y'all gotta stop playing with me man. I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the Great Pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man. Tied the opps to the back of a track hog. And dragged him around the block for twenty four hours. Motherfucker! Looked like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him. Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant. I'm moving like Oppenheimer. She drop that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Steven Wallace. Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm. I have seen the Magna Carta, I have seen the eye of Horuh. I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before you all even became a type 1 civilization. This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit. Step the wrong way and you will perish. That pussy feel like Biscoff butter. You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cuz I don't give a shit. If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke, cuz I don't give a shit. My bitch look like David Hasselhoff. I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack. This shit ain't nothing to me man I'll kill you you stupid piece of shit

[mandisawesome]

Look at this shit. I hate it. I hate this scooby doo ass live action lion king looking motherfucker. God dammit.

[ozomatli-9]

I’m moving different

This shit ain’t nothing to me man, I’m a dog. I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath

We smoking Symbiote

Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian fur burger Deluxe Mega Millions scratcher skunk bubba kush

We smoking dung beetle

I’m on 12 vicodins, smoking on Scooby-Doo dick

We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers

We snorting that good Buffalo Soldier tamarind Jordanian gibbies

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I’m him. That Burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a Hellcat V8

We smoking shit in a glass pipe, blowing the Lord’s bubbles

I’m sick in the head

I’m on them Broward county Tic-Tacs, I’m on them Georgetown Geronimoes

I’m on them Nashville nibblers

I left my Margiela’s in the Benz trunk, I’ll have to stunt on them next time

I don’t give a fuck if I go blind, I don’t need to see the price tag anyways

I’m high on 12 Jason Bournes, looking to beat the cum out of a thick, fresh oak

We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you

Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out

Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers

Don’t be shy girl, I love me some Pastrami mudflaps

I’m moving like French Montana: haan

Welcome to the Cream Kingdom bitch, open up. Blac Chyna, I’d drink her piss out of another man’s balls

My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson

You ain't seen ten bands in your life, jit

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example

Y'all gotta stop playing with me man

I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man

Tied the opps to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged them around the block for 24 hours

Motherfucker look like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him

Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant

I'm moving like Oppenheimer

She dropped that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Stephen Wallace

Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm

I have seen the Magna Carta, I have the seen the eye of horror

I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type I civilization

This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit

Step the wrong way and you will perish

That pussy feel like Biscoff Butter

You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cause I don't give a shit

If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke cause I don't give a shit

My bitch look like David Hasselhoff

I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack

This shit ain't nothing to me man, I'll kill you, you stupid piece of shit

[echo-echo31]

Whaddya think makes the egos laugh? 😊

~ @sammys-magical-au

Dark

You thought nothing would make him laugh.

It actually became a joke in itself (albeit only you found it funny).

Until one day you hit you toe on the corner of the desk and shout 'FUCKING JIMMY CHRISTMAS!'

You hear what at first you think might be thunder, until you turn to see Dark grinning and letting out a very low rumble of laughter, whilst the static around him fizzles.

'THAT made you laugh! Now, when I'm in agony. Dark, that's not funny!'

(he laughs even harder).

Actor

He makes himself laugh. Like, a lot.

Sometimes he can't even get to the punchline before throwing his head back in hysterics.

Your dry humour is a close second though, especially when it involves judging other people.

Yancy

Puns and old fashioned jokes are the best for him.

He'll make others in the prison cafeteria look round as he slaps the table and bellows out this bark of a laugh.

It has got you two in trouble several times when you whisper a joke to Yancy whilst in the warden's office, leading to both of you being inconsolable whilst Mr Murderslaughter tries to regain order.

Illinois

Inuendos. Inuendos. Inuendos.

Literally anything you say will be twisted into his r-rated vernacular.

You catch on pretty quick though and it becomes a game of who can make the other get more flustered (he wins every time).

But when he got wind of the 'Nice Cock' meme from locals near an abandoned tomb one time.

Dear LORD.

Space/Engineer Mark

Humour of a 6 year old.

Seriously, anything about bottoms or poop he's giggling to himself.

He deliberetly named the Automatic Sunlight Sensor to give a feeling of day and night time aboard the ship.

It spells ASS.

The computer confidently states 'Activated ASS' twice a day.

You can hear Mark's laughs echo down the corridor.

Googleplier

'Humour does not compute in my programs.'

Bullshit.

He's a tricky motherfucker.

If he decides he doesn't like a guest in your house (or even the plumber) he'll delibertly make protocols in the house go wrong.

One time an old college friend of yours got a face full of spraying water when she went to dump her dirty dishes in the sink.

He gets away with it until you catch him smirking in the corner like a god damn Scooby Doo villain.

Murderplier/Murdock

The sounds of people begging for their life.

Also Vine references.

He's not picky.

Porniplier

'Ready to get wet?' is basically the extent of it.