#saw him wear a Bowser suit once

[yoinkschief]

Sorry I died

But I'm back now :)

Kinda

I've been,,,, working on something,,,

In the background :)

I hope y'all are gonna like it, really I do

Kinda been stuck in my head for a while now

But! In the meantime, have silly goofy Tom and the MFer who unfortunately (loving) deals with him (enjoys his company)

[caesarhamato22]

Hey, love. Donkey Kong simp here! I love him unironically, and I would like to request headcanons and/or a fic based on reader being a Queen from another kingdom and how their relationship would be.

Things I'd like if you included:

Courting

Telling his family

kids? if they ever have any?

Basically fluffy shit and a little spice!

Please and thank you! Happy writing!

Hello!!

I, too, love him unironically, and it would be a pleasure to write this request for you, @autistic-solar-fandom <3

His Queen

Donkey Kong X Queen!Reader

Oh. my. god. This one is so long.

Summary: Donkey Kong meets you, a Queen from another kingdom, and is head over heels for her royal highness.

Warnings: Language. NSFW at the end.

~

Meeting

• Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad and DK were exploring other parts of their world with their karts, mainly since Mario and Luigi were still pretty new to the place.

• And with Bowser being gone?

• Literally the perfect time to go for a little wander.

• DK originally wasn't going to go, but he couldn't resist annoying Mario. He would playfully criticise the way Mario would try to flirt with Peach, and Toad would immediately interrupt by saying Mario was doing a great job.

• Luigi would try to hide his laughter while Mario looked at him, unimpressed.

• While all this was happening, Peach just lightly blushed.

• She couldn't lie.

• She liked the short, red plumber.

• The group came up to a kingdom that Peach knew well. It was your kingdom!

• It was an elegant sight. Citizens of all different species were greeting everyone they saw. Some danced, some sang, it was clear that everyone loved their home.

• And in the middle of all the houses and people, stood a grand castle. It was decorated with your favourite colours and ornaments.

• While being heavily fortified, it was a welcoming sight.

• The group tried to take everything in, but there was just too much to see.

• Peach led them towards the castle down the same path she had taken multiple times before.

• Once at the castle doors, the guards stood strong, about as tall as Donkey Kong was on his knuckles.

• They recognised Princess Peach and bowed respectfully before letting the group through the doors.

• The interior was even more magnificent than the exterior. There were stained glass windows of you and the rulers before you.

• Peach pointed at the one of you, "that's Queen (Y/N), the current ruler of (Kingdom Name)."

• The one thing the group noticed about your window was you were by yourself, while the other windows had the previous royal couples on them.

• The couples stood side by side while you stood proudly with your signature weapon in hand.

• Before they knew it, the group had reached the throne room. Your throne was decorated accordingly to match the rest of your home.

• In the centre of the room was a circular display of all the kingdoms. You looked over it, your back facing the group. When you heard footsteps, you turned and smiled brightly at the sight of your friend.

• You and Peach reunited with a hug while everyone else took in your appearance.

• Whether you were wearing a dress, or a suit (or both!), you looked powerful with your weapon in it's designated place on your person.

• Mario, Luigi and Toad watched you with admiration, ready to show their respect with a bow.

• But Donkey Kong?

• He couldn't move.

• His eyes were wide and his body was still. He could barely focus on his breathing.

• And the worst part was... Mario noticed this.

• "Looking a little bit stiff there, pal."

• "Mario. Shut the fuck up."

• Peach introduced you to her friends and they loved you. You were so welcoming and kind, almost the same as Princess Peach. However, they did notice you were a little more reserved and serious.

• You gave them a quick tour of the castle and pointed out sections of the kingdom.

• Everyone admired each thing that you pointed out.

• Meanwhile, DK was admiring you.

• While the others took in the scenery, his eyes kept focusing back on you.

• And he didn't notice that you were doing the same.

• When you noticed his eyes were on you, you stuttered before looking away.

• You tried to hide it, and you did pretty well.

• If it wasn't for Peach seeing right through you.

• You would glance at DK when he wasn't looking.

• On occasion, you would take a quick look at his arms.

• That was a mistake.

• Now you couldn't think straight.

• After the tour, the group went their own way to explore further, and they eventually went home.

• Before they left, they thanked you for a wonderful time and you smiled warmly.

• DK thanked you personally while the others were heading towards their karts.

• He held your hand and gently touched his forehead to the top of it.

• "I was nice meeting you."

• DK never really had a way with words when it came to formalities. Sure, he was pretty good at playfully flirting, everybody knew that.

• But he couldn't really speak to a Queen the same way he yelled out to his fans.

• Yet, you still blushed at his simple statement.

• "It was lovely meeting you too."

• Your voice was like silk to him. He practically melted right there.

• And he knew he would be back.

• And you did too.

Meeting Again

• DK pretty much memorised the way to your kingdom by taking mental notes on his way back home.

• He couldn't stop thinking about you. And your kingdom, to be honest.

• There was something so comforting about it, and about you.

• So, a few days after his first visit with his friends, he chose to go back by himself.

• The second time travelling to your kingdom didn't seem nearly as long as the previous time.

• Once he reached the doors, the guards stopped him.

• Without Princess Peach there, he didn't have authority to just waltz on into the castle.

• After he asked (very nicely, in fact), they walked him to the throne room, which was where you were, sitting in your grand chair.

• He smiled and his eyes beamed.

• Why was he so excited? So eager to see you? Why had the thought of you stayed in his mind for days?

• You saw him, your eyes widened. It seemed you were having the same dilemma.

• It was him! The person you couldn't keep your eyes off during he and his friends visit!

• But why was he here? Was there urgent news? Had Bowser escaped from his tiny prison?

• "Donkey Kong? What are you doing here?" You truly wanted to know.

• His name... you said his name! You remembered his name!

• "Well, I uh... I'm here because..."

• He was frozen. He was fumbling over his words. How was he fumbling over his words?!

• You saw his discomfort and asked the guards to leave.

• That seemed to relax DK. Was he nervous? You guessed that might be it.

• He exhaled once he noticed it was just you two.

• "I actually don't know."

• Well, then.

• "I guess I... you seemed cool so I wanted to see you again."

• Sure.

• He travelled alllllll this way because he thought you were "cool".

• Yet, you took it as a compliment. You weren't going to judge him for his reasoning. You were just happy to see him, if you were honest.

• "I'm glad I made a good first impression." You laughed.

• He scratched his neck with a anxious smile.

• "Care to take a walk?" You suggested getting out of the castle, or at least out of the throne room, thinking it would put him at ease.

• He immediately accepted your invitation.

• As you walked, he told you about his kingdom while you told him about yours.

• You explained your duties while he explained his fathers.

• Although you were around same age, how were you a Queen while he was a Prince?

• How long had you been Queen? How long had he been the champion of the Jungle Kingdom arena?

• What was it like being adored by your subjects, while he was adored by fans?

• Countless questions, so many answers, non-stop talking.

• Your conversation had started out a little awkward, but you two quickly became comfortable in each others company.

• The biggest thing DK took note of was how quickly your speech and body language changed. You seemed much more relaxed after leaving the castle and embracing the nature around you. You spoke so fluently, so elegantly, so passionately.

• DK could listen for hours.

• And for hours, he did.

• Time flew and before you knew it, a couple hours had gone by.

• He knew he had to go, and you knew too.

• Before parting, he presented the same gesture he gave you the first time you met: his forehead to the top of your hand.

• Except this time, he added a small kiss on your hand.

• Heat rushed to your face.

• And he was gone.

• These surprise visits continued. Each time, it was in your kingdom. DK had insisted.

• Then there were letters.

• Then there were gifts.

• And eventually, during a day where you spent the visit in your room, you sat on your bed, reading a book, while he laid on your floor, staring at the ceiling.

• "I think I like you."

• What the fuck.

• No warning. Just like that.

• You looked down at him, his eyes still observing the ceiling.

• He didn't feel the need to hide it anymore. His heart had been beating so fast it had started to hurt. He had to tell you.

• You ever so slightly smiled when he glanced at you, unsure of your reaction.

• "I think I like you too."

Dating

• In the early stages of your relationship, all your dates were in your kingdom, or somewhere near by.

• Picnics, kart rides, relaxing in your room, and anything that gave you alone time were the main types of dates you had with DK.

• Kart rides were one of his top favourites.

• They were either you two using your own karts, or you shared his.

• When you're using your own karts, it's always a race.

• There's no worries, no responsibilities, just peace.

• When you're sharing his kart, it's always a simple drive with your head on his arm/shoulder.

• Sometimes you like to stand up and hold his kart for balance. You're surprisingly good at stabilising yourself, even at such quick speeds.

• The first time you did this, DK almost had a full panic attack and practically begged you to come down. You promised him you'd be fine, and you were.

• But that didn't stop his secret worrying.

• He knew you were capable. He just cares a lot <3

• After the first couple months of you officially dating, you asked if you could visit his home.

• But DK was hesitant.

• Not because he was ashamed, no, not at all! In fact, he was excited to show you off, whenever that would be.

• It was mostly because he didn't know how his father would react.

• A kong and a human?

• It was rather an odd combination, you had to admit.

• But you assured him if his dad didn't approve of you, you would leave immediately. No hard feelings, whatsoever.

• It took a little convincing, but he eventually agreed.

• He first wanted to tell his friends, mostly Peach.

• They had noticed he went on "trips" more often after he had met you.

• Peach was the one who guessed that he was visiting you, so she wasn't all that surprised when he confided in her.

• She was surprised, however, when he told her you two were a couple.

• DK didn't know what reaction he would get from her, but he definitely didn't think it would be squealing.

• Thank GOD no one was around to hear.

• Specifically Mario.

• DK actually kept Peach updated on how your relationship was going.

• She gave him advice on what you liked to do <3

• On your first date in the Jungle Kingdom, DK obviously had to give you a tour.

• At first, he didn't show any signs of PDA, so you didn't initiate any.

• Until he eventually went "fuck it" and put his arm around your shoulder to give you a kiss on your cheek.

• He introduced you to Diddy Kong and his dad, Cranky Kong {more details in the next section} and once you became familiar with them, Donkey Kong's nerves vanished.

• Afterwards, it seemed silly to him on how anxious he was.

• You told him you understood how he felt and gave him a light peck.

• Holy. Shit.

• He's so glad he brought you to his home.

• Now you can hang out here too??

• Any of your dates in the Jungle Kingdom consisted of more kart racing, and even exploring the massive garage where all the karts are built.

• DK actually helped you build your very own kart to keep in his kingdom :)

• He made sure the guards in his home knew of your importance.

• Importance being your status of "Queen" and status of "Donkey Kong's Girlfriend".

• He made sure you were treated as well as how you were treated at home.

• Once everyone he wanted to tell knew about you, he had no shame with giving you love in every possible place.

• In your kingdom, the amount of PDA he gave you was up to you.

• But in his kingdom?

• He wanted EVERYONE to know.

Meeting His Father

• Cranky Kong wasn't a fan in the beginning.

• A human with a kong?

• And with you being a Queen, no less. There wouldn't be any time for you two to hang out anyways, would there?

• Until DK told him you had actually been dating two months prior to telling him.

• Cranky Kong was both baffled and disappointed.

• The father and son actually got into an argument about you.

• Neither of them knew you were standing in the doorway, eavesdropping.

• You walked up to them, mid-argument.

• They both quietened and watched you.

• DK looked at you worriedly. He didn't want you to be yelled at or insulted by his grumpy dad.

• Cranky kept his angry expression.

• "Sir. I don't want to be the reason your family falls apart."

• Cranky's gaze softened.

• "It was a pleasure meeting you. And it was such a joy meeting your son."

• The way you spoke so formally yet with such emotion.

• "Thank you for opening your kingdom to me for this time." You curtsied/bowed and squeezed DK's hand before turning to leave.

• Cranky's hardened expression dropped.

• You were so respectful, so understanding, so calm.

• So... not like Donkey Kong.

• DK froze as you left. You seem to have that effect on him.

• He turned to his dad. So much hurt, written so clear on his face.

• Cranky looked at him, then to your disappearing form, then back to his son.

• "Go get her."

• DK raced to bring you back to the room.

• Just from that small, stressful interaction, Cranky Kong was impressed.

• You impressed the King.

• ...And now you're besties <333

Kids?

• It was never really DK's goal to have kids.

• He never really thought about it.

• In a way, he already had a kid. Diddy Kong was a menace.

• (Speaking of, Diddy immediately liked you)!

• But if you ever did become pregnant, DK would tell you the decision was ultimately yours.

• If you kept the child, he would be the BEST dad.

• He would want his kid to have fun every second of the day.

• He would constantly fall asleep with the child on his chest and snore very, very loudly. Yet, the kid would stay asleep.

• Expect two sets of eyes staring at you in the morning.

• If you didn't keep the child, DK would love you just the same.

• All he needed was you.

• You being happy and healthy is all he could wish for.

• You would spend the rest of your days with just him.

• Going on adventures, ruling over the two kingdoms, side by side.

Marriage

• You chose where the wedding was.

• DK's kingdom? It was during the day.

• The wedding was huge.

• It was more of a party.

• Mario, Luigi, Toad, Peach, everyone you invited had come.

• His fans went absolutely crazy.

• The first time they found out he had a girlfriend, the entire kingdom wanted to know more about you.

• When they found out you were a Queen from another kingdom, they wanted to know even more about you.

• In a nice way.

• Where was your kingdom? What did it look like?

• Although you were a Queen, you acted no different to how you were without the crown.

• You were so kind, so soft, and your presence was silencing everywhere you went.

• In a good way :)

• Although you weren't considered weak, you were still smaller than the Kongs, so it seemed everyone was careful around you.

• The citizens loved you, the guards protected you, and DK assured you they would've acted the exact same way even if you weren't royalty.

• Now, if the wedding took place in your kingdom, the ceremony would go a little differently.

• It was peaceful, less rowdy, and during the early night.

• Your entire kingdom came to celebrate.

• After making your marriage official, you and DK strolled through the friendly crowds.

• People let you two walk pass and you greeted anyone who wanted to congratulate your marriage.

• It was a different experience for DK.

• Although this was a huge change in your life, and for your kingdom, no one swarmed you.

• It removed any anxiety he had felt and he enjoyed he whole night, just looking at you.

• Doesn't matter where the wedding was, his eyes were only on you.

• He was so proud.

• "Yep. That's my wife."

• He told everyone he met.

• You looked like a goddess. He genuinely thought he was dreaming at times.

• How in the world did this gorilla get so lucky?

SFW Oneshot

The sun was just about to set while you and Donkey Kong were on a drive. This was one of the times where he drove while you relaxed in his lap.

You felt so content with the wind in your face and DK's hand resting on your hip.

Your eyes had been closed for a while with a small smile on your face. You felt the temperature drop just slightly and you blinked and noticed the sun was almost halfway down.

You chose to stand on DK's kart, just next to where he sat, like you always did.

Taking in a deep breathe while holding on tightly so you wouldn't fall, you admired the view as DK kept the kart steady. A small bump in the road approached you and DK casually wrapped his arm around your leg and held your thigh to give you extra balance.

You looked down and smiled at him. He cared about you so much and he showed it through these small gestures. It was his instinct to protect you at any given moment, even if he didn't notice what he was doing.

With one hand, you ran it through his hair, as a thanks. He leaned into your touch and relaxed his head on the side of your thigh that he was holding on to.

These were definitely one of your favourite moments with your dearly beloved.

NSFW

• It was hard at first (no pun intended) to have any private time.

• You had a lot of responsibilities in your kingdom and sometimes you were too tired after a full day of royal duties.

• If it was in your kingdom, it was in your room.

• You had to be quiet a lot of the time because of the staff who worked in the castle.

• But!

• You had a trick up your sleeve.

• You had a much smaller cottage hidden in the forest near the village. It was a place you often went to take a break from being Queen.

• It also turned into a common place for you a DK ;)

• His favourite thing was when you let your royal persona drop.

• When you weren't being serious, you allowed yourself to have all the fun you wanted.

• DK was a huge fan of using his hands.

• I mean... have you seen them?

• Edging you with his fingers before switching to his tongue was a common trick he used on you.

• You thought he'd become predictable.

• No.

• Somehow, it always took you by surprise.

• You loved riding him while his hands caressed your body.

• He loved when you took control, and you loved when he took control.

• Sharing is caring <3

• A more intimate position you two loved was you sitting in his lap, facing him.

• Sure, under the covers he may have been fucking you to the point your legs would shake, but your bodies were so close, so connected.

• Whether you maintained eye contact, made out passionately, or he was giving you hickeys all over your neck, you were so in love with him.

• Every time you two would have alone time, it was always fun.

• Never serious.

• And never boring.

~

Hello again! I apologise if this was a bit too long, but I didn't want to leave anything out :)

I hope you liked it @autistic-solar-fandom !

I'm currently writing a longer NSFW oneshot which will be posted in the next couple days. See you then!

[asingleietsist]

"A Green Queen" AU

Chapter I

Mario retreated to the kitchen and decided that he'd need something to distract himself from the situation, so he started to wash dishes.

His brother, on the other hand, placed his shoes on the rack and headed towards his room to prepare for the journey he'd have to embark on tomorrow.

He began to pack clothes, his toothpaste and toothbrush, brushes, combs, and more he'd need for the year ahead. The few suitcases he had brought with him to the Mushroom kingdom were able to hold all he needed and as a sigh left his lips, he closed the last one.

He stood up and stared at the pile for a moment, he wondered if he'd really thought this through. Him? A queen of the koopas? It sounded like a bad joke, a nightmare even.

Before he could relish the thought, he looked at the new dress-suit Peach had a Toad designer tailor him early that morning. He wasn't sure about Bowser's customs, but felt it was much flashier than what he'd usually wear. However Peach insisted that whatever the king had planned, he'd still have to dress like royalty in order to impress his court.

A day had passed, the brothers went about their day as usual as they tried to avoid the topic. Even so, Luigi could sense Mario had a lot he'd wanted to say, but ever since he woke up was helping out more than he had normally.

He made a large breakfast full of Luigi's favorites and even cleared up most of the table and dishes afterwards. The guilt of leaving Mario alone only grew the more supportive he was, but he couldn't go back on his word. Not now at least.

As the day passed, Luigi retreated to his room once more and took a deep breath as he dusted off his suitcase. The sun's reflection got in his eyes so he covered his face, but as he did the picture of him and his brother moving in revealed itself.

His eyes swelled up as he smiled at it and went over to take it up. The two were as close as ever after they had finally found a place for themselves in the kingdom and after they had first defeated Bowser.

"Bowser.."

He uttered his name out loud, thinking about how despite their countless attempts at trying to stop his plans, he'd be taking part in the tyrant's kingdom as his equal.

Luigi shook the thought from his mind and tried to refocus himself back on the memories with his brother.

Knock knock!

"Oh! Uhm, come in!", Luigi shouted. He placed the photo down on his dresser and stood up from his bed with the suitcases ready. Mario opened the door slowly, the look of worry on his face.

"The Toads are here to get your things.. You ..um, ready to go?", He said solemnly.

Luigi nodded only for a few Toads trickled in past Mario to get his luggage. They hurried along and began placing the bags and suitcases in Toad's kart outside.

The green plumber was watching them from the front door, trying to help but Toad insisted they could handle it.

Luigi nodded then turned his attention inside the home. He noticed his brother retreating to their lantern-lit kitchen and saw his frustrated look that his brother had as he was rubbing his temple.

"You know you can still come and see me off.", Luigi smiled softly yet nervously, trying to lighten the mood.

Mario turned to him, terribly concealing the worried look he had and shook his head, "N-No it's fine. You'll be visiting by the end of each month anyway. I-I just need a minute... I promise, I'll be there when you're leaving."

Luigi wanted to believe him, but knew he'd only suppress his thoughts if he bothered him on the topic any further. He walked over and sat down beside him, "If you say so.. I'll see you at the castle.. Promise?"

"I promise.", he smiled. "Now go, you'll be late."

Luigi stood up and nodded. He started towards the door but bolted back to embrace his brother into a hug. He gave this one all his might before he let go and sped out into Toad's 'kart'.

"Oh? You ready now, Luigi?"

"Y-Yeah..."

"Alrighty then! Buckle up back there!", Toad shouted over the engine.

Luigi looks at his sides in confusion, "But there are no seatbe-"

Before he could finish his concerns, the buggy sped off.

The night crept in as the two sped down the road towards the castle, the cool breeze blowing in his 'stache as he gazed out at the luminescent night sky. Toad skirted onto a narrow path along a hill and as they escalated up it Luigi peered down at the town and beyond.

"Don't worry, Luigi! He's... Eh, y'know! Plus if he tries anything, just try to, y'know, POW! WACHA! Y'know, like you did back in, uhm Brook-lyn!", Toad yelled, trying to speak over the engine. He made a sharp turn causing Luigi to cling onto the door for dear life.

His heart fluttered at how gorgeous the scenery below him was, lanterns starting to glow in the streets and along the mushroom huts. It was still dark but the warm lights against the cool toned sky made him feel at ease.

The feeling did last long as another turn was made and the town vanished behind him. Along the rim of the kart, a pit grew in his stomach as he saw the lava drenched castle nearing the kingdom inch into view.

"I'm not sure if I'd like to fight him while being on his lands.."

"Fair enough! Well we're here!", he yelled while skirting onto the main court. The guards groaned while they witnessed the skid marks being made on the polished marble.

"Again?! This is the third time this week!"

"Whoops, sorry!", He chuckled. "Better get dressed, your majesty!"

He looked in the mirror and held up the suit-dress in front of him.

Despite the fact that he wasn't even declared queen yet, Toad was right.

Luigi fell out of the monster truck and grabbed his outfit from the back of the door. "T-Thanks for the ride!" The guards quickly got his luggage out as Luigi headed inside and into the nearest bathroom to change.

'A Queen', he thought.

The weight of this agreement, started settling in as he buttoned his vest and pulled up his pants.

'I'm really doing this... F-For the kingdom. Oh boy.."

'I'm going to be in the Dark lands, ruling with...''

From the rim of the tub, he stared at the heels Peach had lent him as fastened the tassels on the glittering cape.

'All this for a brute. Why am I even...'

He stood up once he fitted into the heels and wobbled a bit as he looked for his center. "Kind of like Ma's heels... let's see if I still remember how to do makeup.."

He stammered a bit back towards the mirror and tried to follow the steps Peach had given him on the look she envisioned,

'Most high rank koopas wear bold colors from what I could gather and since you're wearing red, it makes sense to pair it with the black, yes?'

Despite being able to remember her words, he wasn't as skilled to execute them, but the simple foundation, eyeshadow and eyeliner weren't too hard for him to figure out.

After a few attempts, he managed to create a simple look for himself albeit messy.

His thoughts were disrupted as a knock came to the door. "It's time, your majesty." Luigi opened it slowly and looked down to see two guards.

"Your husband has arrived, your grace."

"R-Right, and it's just Luigi.. I'm not really one for formality.."

The guards looked at each other and shrugged, "Better to not keep them waiting then, Luigi~", one teased as the two started heading down the corridor.

Luigi rolled his eyes and tried to ignore their snickering. Once he grabbed his bathroom care baggie and gloves he hurried, or at least tried to in the heels, and finally caught up with the two.

He began to trail a bit behind once he saw the luming ship and his stomach could help but toss and turn at the rumble he heard from its entrance.

The castle doors creaked open, and the crisp night breeze quickly turned into heat waves. Luigi and Peach covered their faces as the waves were accompanied with light sparks of fire.

Luigi peered out through his gloves at the King and as he did he noticed Peach step forward to speak with the monster.

As his eyes adjusted, he looked around for any sign of Mario but his arms fell once he realized he didn't show.

'He promised..'

Luigi stepped forward to greet the king, but the princess rested her hand on his chest, "Just a moment, Luigi.."

She pulled him aside, but let go once she noticed his discomfort in the slight contact.

"T-Thank you... Princess.", He fumbled. His gaze trailed off to the large beast. Bowser's arms were folded as he was waiting for their conversation to end. His eyes lit up a bit once he noticed the human's gaze and impatiently tapped his foot, irritated at the delay.

"Oh- sorry. Um, your brother is... um... Taking his time in understanding your decision.", she began.

He looked confused, "I know that Princess, it doesn't mean I can't worry about how he's handling it."

Peach was taken aback by his forwardness and he covered his mouth in response. "I-It's not to say that you don't care about him either, your highness! I'm sure you're just as concerned too!"

She giggled a bit at his frantic response, "There's no harm in speaking your mind, Luigi. I'm glad you're finally comfortable saying what you'd like. I just wanted you to know that, it's as I said yesterday: it's your decision.", she paused and gave him a soft smile.

"If you need anything, or even wish to return earlier than what was agreed on, you can always send a letter and we'll negotiate better terms more suited for you.", she noted. She raised her hand out for him to shake, but he shook his head politely.

"Good. I'll try to reason with Mario in the meantime.", She replied. "Stars knows he's going to need the support and go outside once in a while."

"I'll be sure to give it some thought...", Luigi sighed.

"Can we hurry this up?! We don't have all night!", Bowser rumbled.

They laughed a bit at the comment before exchanging pained smiles.

"Take care of him for me, I-"

The Queen flinched, "R-Right! Um Princess..".

Luigi and Peach bowed to one another before he scurried over to Bowser's side. The Koopa king merely gave him a disapproved glance, "Your brother not here to see you off?"

Luigi didn't respond and braced the heat from the ship as he tried to step in.

Luigi shook his head nearly too scared to speak, "A-Anyways, where are we going?"

"I asked you a question, it'd be in your best interest to respond.", he rumbled.

"Or else the moment the ship's gates close, you'll have burns to remind you of your place.", Bowser murmured.

Bowser smirked, "Out."

He and his guards made their way inside with Luigi stammering Bowser as he followed.

"How did you know I was here?!", Mario gasped. His body tumbling out of the bushes. She kneeled down, and wiped away a leaf from his hat.

As the entrance closed and the castle began to ascend, a look of disappointment fell upon Peach's face. She looked over at her side and scoffed.

"You could've said goodbye..."

"You're one to talk, but fair point.", He got up and dusted himself off. "Thanks for not telling him..."

"I have my ways plus patches of red clothes peeking through green bushes are a dead giveaway. It's too dark to be wearing bright colors.", She chuckled.

"I didn't need to, I think he saw you too.", Peach teased as she headed towards the castle.

"No way! I'm not that bad at hiding.", He protested. "And besides, I just.. I was just keeping my promise to him as much as it infuriates me to see him leave with that...that overgrown turtle. I didn't want to escalate things.."

"Wait.. I have an idea..", the plumber smiled. "I know how to get my brother back!"

"How noble of you.", she replied. "But you do know that it's not the same as seeing him off face to face."

Mario tipped his hat as he followed, "Yeah yeah.."

"You don't have to fully support him, but at least respect his decision.."

"What?? No, Mario, are you listening?"

"Oh boy.."

"I'll see you in the morning, Princess!"

Before she could repeat herself, he ran off with a determined grin on his face. She shook her head as he was out of view then turned back to the flying ship in the distance.

"And this is where you'll be staying."

Luigi's jaw dropped in awe as he looked around the low lamp-lit room.

The door creaked open to a large carpeted room filled with decor of various sizes and shapes. Portraits of Bowser and his family were above a large velvety bed and on either side were nightstands with black draped lamps.

The dresser was as tall as the bed frame and beside it was the door in which he later found to be his private bathroom.

"U-Uhm, thank you. I-"

"Be ready when the guards get you. Because of your little ceremonial goodbyes, we'll be 30 minutes late. Get comfortable or whatever you humans do and don't mess up anything.", The Kamek mentioned. "Oh, and put on the jewelry left on the dresser. I suggest you catch some rest before we arrive."

"Well, bye-"

He turned around to see the small guy already putting on the jewelry.

"W-Wait!", Luigi said rushing over. "C-Could you at least stay and um, keep me company?"

Kamek took a deep breath and smiled, causing a shiver to crawl up the queen's spine.

"Let's get one thing straight, mustached human. You are here as the king's prisoner, you may hold the title in the place of his Queen for the next year. However starting from this night on. This agreement is merely a punishment." he noted.

The small magikoopa took his leave and hobbled towards his broomstick.

"A punishment....", Luigi repeated.

The Koopa guards hurled in and piled his luggage to the side. He watched them while sitting on the bed twiddling his thumbs. He gapped his mouth open to say something but shut it when the door slammed behind the last Troopa.

"Thanks...", He sighed to himself. Luigi hopped off the bed and looked towards the small window. 'Was this a mistake?..'

He got up from the bed, his cape flowing swiftly behind him as he stepped over the scattered toys and to the window. Despite how slow the castle seemingly moved, he still felt a gentle breeze in flow against his face, the curtain feathering his shoulders and slicked back hair. He looked back at the Mushroom Kingdom and sighed as he shook his head to focus on the stars.

"I'm such an idiot... I'm so sorry, Mario."

An hour passed and Luigi was settling in nicely or as nice as he could for the moment. Even though he couldn't leave the room, he took the time to clean up the toys and fold his clothes to put them away. As he was setting down a towel in the cabinet under the large sink. He heard the door open and a low snarl coming from the room.

"HEY, GREEN ONE! WHERE ARE YOU?!" the voice roared.

Luigi's breath hitched before he carefully rushed out of the bathroom, "I'ma here! Did you uh.. need something?"

"A guard saw you weren't there and informed me. What were you doing?!"

"J-Just putting my things away.."

"Well whatever, we're here. You can do all of that later. Then fix up your nest."

"Nest?"

"I mean bed! Could you shut it and get your cape on so we can go!?", Bowser snapped. His scarlet eyes glaring down at the quivering man. Luigi picked up the cape and clipped the front of it carefully. Bowser's symbol, in polished rubies, shined brightly on the broach.

"S-Sorry, I was just-a curious.", He mumbled.

Bowser grumbled, turning his attention to the corridor and stomped his way down the hall. Luigi slipped out of the room and followed quietly. The King, only glanced back once or twice to see his Queen stumbling to keep up with him and his guards. "Ugh, could you move ANY slower?"

"Sorry, the heels are a bit..." Luigi trembled.

Bowser rolled his eyes and told him he didn't care. "Just hurry up."

Finally catching up as they stopped at the entrance.

The mouth slowly opened to cackling and laughter.

'A mansion?'

Swirling around a battered up mansion, were ghosts of all kinds. Florescent lime and plum flames adorned the candle walkway as guests entered. Shy guys of various shapes, sizes, and power-ups flooded through the crooked steel gates. Their Captain followed promptly with his armada, not before tipping his hat to the King, who merely gave a reassuring nod and somewhat of a soft smile.

'If only Mario could see this! Wow, he'd be so ready to... Nevermind.' Luigi thought. Shooing away the thought, he looked up at the King even more confused than ever.

Bowser smiled a bit, "A few of my allies heard news of me having a queen and wanted to celebrate. I'm also here to renew some treaties with them, it's easier to do it this way. It eases the tension.".

Luigi noticed the smile growing as Bowser looked out at the guest. He'd never seen him this relaxed and at home before.

The King looked down to see Luigi give an 'ok then' smile at him. He cleared his throat and his smile vanished, "W-Well, we should head inside. Gotta let King Boo know we're here."

Bowser stepped down from the jaw and extended his claw out to Luigi. Taken by surprise, Luigi stared at it for a moment then at Bowser's hopeful, soft look.

"T-Thank you", Luigi murmured, taking his claw and hopping down. He stumbled a bit, but Bowser swiftly balanced him using his other claw.

The sudden contact made Luigi shiver, not because of the nightly breeze, but because the King's formalities were throwing his senses off.

'Why is he being nice to me now? He locked me in my room for an hour and barely spoke to me!'

The two made their way down the stone brick pathway, many of Luigi's previous enemies looking at the two in confusion. He heard a pair of Dry bones whispering behind him as they neared the "castle".

"Did the King really marry him ?", One stammered.

"Looks like it? Or maybe it's his prisoner?"

"He's too dressed up to be a prisoner, Frankie."

"Yeah yeah, unless-"

Bowser halted then snarled as he looked back at the two, "One more word and I'll PULVERIZE YOU BOTH TO ASHES!"

"B-Bowser, we should just-"

"QUIET!", he roared.

Luigi immediately let go of his claw and took a few steps back.

"Dramaaa..."

Bowser looked around at the few Koopas, Bo-ombs, ghosts, Goombas, Spikeys,Shy guys and boos staring at him. He grumbled then looked back at Luigi who was now trembling from the sudden attention.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT!" he growled. "THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! QUIT STARIN'! ". Smoke and sparks began to conjure as the crowd went back to filing in.

Kamek, hearing the commotion, flew out on his broomstick towards Bowser. "Sire.. Please, we're trying to keep your allies happy."

The King rolled his eyes as he huffed. "Let's just get inside." Bowser gritted through his teeth.

All Luigi could do was follow behind the quaking steps Bowser made. He was reminded why his disbelief in the beast's kindness was so grounded.

'What if he is one temper tantrum away from hurting everyone? What if he kills me before this year ends?! Or h-he doesn't let me see my family!?'

His eyebrows began to furrow as he was lost in thought, worrying for the safety of himself and others he held dear. But before he could open his mouth to speak, he heard loud thumps coming from behind another set of doors. Small flashes of purple, green and blue were seeping through cracks in the door.

As they opened, Luigi's mouth flung open at the sight.

'A-A dj?! Lights?! Snack tables?! Rave and rock music?! Are they allowed to chug that much- oh my gosh are they swinging from chandeliers?!'

Bowser had already made his way towards the VIP lounge with Luigi following behind, his awe from the large crowds to the fear he felt hearing Boos laughing and cackling behind him. He couldn't wrap his head around any of what he was seeing and the blaring music didn't help either. Kamek started to follow, but deviated once he saw an old friend, "I'll catch up."

Pushing past the large black velvet curtains he saw a hefty Boo, with a gleaming purple crown sharing a laugh with Bowser.

"You REALLY have a queen?! I thought your wedding was a bust!", The ghost chuckled. "Some of my spies even noticed that you kissed the mustache of the fake! HA!"

"Erm...", Bowser grumbled. "Yeah yeah, laugh it up! Technically, he is my Queen. It's a traditional thing.."

"Oh c'mon, since when were you one for tRraDItiOn~ You're the same Koopa that nearly sacrificed the Kong AND Penguin army as a wedding gift!"

Bowser huffed and noticed Luigi slowly making his way over. "Speaking of my Queen. Here he is!"

The Boo King eyed Luigi, "What's with you and humans, huh?". He slowly floated over to Luigi and distorted his face while cackling.

Luigi began to shake and even started panting while grabbing the leather seating from the large pattern of holes on the face. "S-Stop it!!"

Bowser lowered his eyelids, unimpressed. "Cut it out."

King Boo laughed and flew back to his seat, "At least Peach would've held her ground. Where'd you find this wuss?! Oh wait, you didn't!". He snorted, "You married 'im without checking!"

Bowser's chest began to rumble as his mouth slowly heated with flames. Luigi was trying to take deep breaths while his heart was quickening, but the shock and his phobia overcame him.

He was in motion to sprinting out the room, when Bowser yanked his arm, "We aren't done, you need to listen to the agreements in the treaty. As my queen-"

"L-Let go!"

"Do. NOT embarrass me right now! Not in front of-"

"Bowser, I said let go! Please!"

"Why can't you just sit still!"

"LET GO OF ME YOU SHITTY LIZARD!"

Flare rose in his nostrils, the anger that seeped to the hardened gems of his eyes quickly gleaned fire red. His claws clenched down harder and deeper into Luigi's arm, a bruise slowly forming.

Luigi's breath escaped him, it left him gasping at the pain and tears swelling in his eyes.

King Boo's eyes gleaned with excitement, not uttering a word as to not ruin the scene.

"DON'T YOU F*CKING INTERRUPT ME! GOT IT?!", Bowser roared, a bit of the flames escaping his mouth as he yelled. Luigi nodded as he hiccuped and felt the tears drench his 'stache. Flashes of King Boo's distorted face haunting him as he clenched his eyes shut.

"Good!", The King released him and with a thud, Luigi fell to the floor. He held his bruised arm close and as he struggled to his feet, dashed out the curtains and into a dark hallway away from the music. The booming, the lights, the images and the intense pain combined only increased his tears as he sank to the ground trying to calm down.

Bowser grumbled then cleared his throat. He shifted his collar and turned to King Boo, who was grinning ear to ear.

"I just love it when I can scare the living souls out of beings! But you, oh marvelous King Koopa, take the cake! The look on his face-"

"Just sign the papers."

"But you-"

"Sign!", The Koopa snapped as he got up and towered over King Boo.

The King of the Boos was intrigued, but to not push further, called for one of his spies and began going through the paperwork with Bowser.

Kamek flew in shortly after and looked reassured seeing the Captain of the Shy guys join the two.

Looking around the lounge he noticed the absence of the small man. Flying to his son, he tapped him, "Sire, where is the Queen?"

"Huh? Oh, out there somewhere or something."

"And why is he not in here with you? Do you know how much trouble he could get into?"

"Pssh... He ruined the vibes and ran off. I have more important matters to attend to."

Kamek sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath, "Did you upset the Queen, your majesty?"

Bowser rolled his eyes and pouted a bit, "He couldn't just sit still and just listen. I'm trying to show him how to help me rule this kingdom and yet he'd rather run off! He doesn't listen, he's slow and got scared at mere holes! He needs to know his place if he ever thinks of escaping!"

"Sire, I don't think he'd ever do that. Unless he'd want to face your wrath. However did you ever consider, just maybe, that he needed some space? Quite a lot has happened in the past few hours for him."

Bowser snorted and some smoke shot from his flared nostrils. "I gave him a day! How much time does a human need to accept he's my Queen?!"

"Sire...", Kamek groaned, rubbing his temple.

The King's scales rivaled in the lack of an answer, he could sense he was missing something, but saw absolutely nothing wrong with his outburst.

"We'll discuss this later, Kamek! Find him and bring him to me. We'll be finishing up soon to introduce the Queen to the citizens."

"Yes, your highness...", Kamek sighed. "Think about what I said at least. Not everyone is as easy to accept change as you are, sire."

Bowser watched him fly out and huffed.

'Why should I have to care about his feelings? He's here to do what I tell him to do! King Boo was just messing around, I see no issues with it so neither should he! Yeah...!'

[sunstar-of-the-north]

A Date With A Plumber

Bowser gently laid white cloths on the steaming bowls of food. While doing so he noticed that a fork was crooked. Alarmed, he quickly adjusted the utensil so it matched the rest of the dishes. The koopa then took a step back to analyze the table. It was set for two, one dish adjacent to the other at the end of the table. Bowser would have liked it if they were positioned across from each other but talking would be proven difficult with how long the table was.

He took a nervous sigh and moved to the mirror on the wall. His hair was a complete mess. Bowser smoothed it to the side with his clawed hands. Once he finished, he smiled proudly in the reflection. A second later though it reverted to its default look.

He growled in annoyance. The turtle then started to fix his silver cravat. He was wearing a maroon dinner tuxedo with a double lapel. He ditched most of his typical accessories, save for his bracelets. It was the compromise Bowser made with Kamek. He glared when he remembered the overwhelming amount of advice the old wizard gave him. “Don’t slouch over the table. Don’t talk with your mouth full. And DON’T for the love of the stars lose your temper!” He began to realize that instead of fixing his neckpiece, he was gripping it for dear life. Bowser let go of it in alarm. He groaned, lightly slapping his cheeks. “Pull yourself together Bowser,” he said in aggravation. “You’re the King of the Koopas! You have no reason to be all shaken up over one silly date!”

No matter how much he tried to convince himself, Bowser still felt like there were fighter flies in his stomach. Even though this was their third date, he was still a nervous wreck. Besides this one was different. Unlike the first two, which were at her house, this date was on his turf. Not to mention there would be a chaperon. “It’ll probably be that tomato colored Mario,” Bowser grumbled. That was a part of the agreement between the three of them. Whenever they would go out, there had to be someone—which was always picked for them by Mario—to keep an eye on the two. Panic hit him like a train when he realized he didn’t make a bowl for the red suited plumber. Before the turtle had time to think, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned; smoke escaping from the sides of his mouth. “WHAT?” The koopa troopa swallowed nervously.

“S-Sir? S-She’s here.”

Like a Bullet Bill out of a canon, Bowser charged passed the troopa, sending the poor thing flying. Thankfully his other minions were able to get out of their king’s way as he ran down the halls. In moments the twin doors were in sight. He slid to a halt, nearly blasting through them. Bowser took a moment to steady his breathing before opening them. His breath was cut short when the koopa saw who was standing on the steps. It was Luciana, adorned with a simple dark green dress with see-through lace sleeves. Her brunette hair, which was normally straight, was curled. When her blue eyes met Bowser’s, he felt like time stopped.

“Hellooooo? Earth to Bowser!”

Bowser snapped out of his daze when he noticed a hand waving near his face. He shook his head and looked back at Luciana. She seemed to be worried. “Is—everything alright?” He nodded rapidly. “Yeah! Yeah, everything is g-great!” She grinned in relief, causing Bowser’s heart to pound like a drum. “Buona!” There was an awkward silence between the two. The koopa then noticed the shorter woman was staring at him. “What? Is there something on my tux?” Luciana blushed in embarrassment. “N-No! I uh—your scarf thingy is all…” She motioned to his neck. He looked down and saw his cravat was still a mess. Bowser wanted to retreat back into his shell. The plumber inched closer to him, hand slightly raised. “Um—may I?”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise but squatted down at her request. She then tidied the cravat. “There! All better! Looks like all those years helping Mario with his ties came in handy!” She said with a chuckle. Bowser winced at the mention of her brother. Luciana picked up on his shift in mood, facing falling a bit. “O-Oh uh—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—“

“No, no! It’s ok…” Bowser realized that something was missing. “Speaking of, where is your chaperon? I was expecting him to be with you.” She gave him a playful smirk. “I was able to talk him out of it!” He was shocked and somewhat impressed. “How?”

“Well I told Mario that I’m a grown woman and he shouldn’t be treating me like a little kid. Besides I can handle myself!” She then flexed her arms with a semi-serious look on her face. Bowser cracked a smile, finding her display adorable. “After a long talk we came to an understanding.” She horizontally put her finger below her nose and spoke in a deeper tone. “Alright Luciana! You can go on your date alone. But you gotta come home at midnight! Even if you’re a minute late, I’ll break down those castle doors faster than you can say ravioli! And if that slime faced koopa tries anything funny, you take care of him like I showed ya. Got it?” Bowser chuckled, clapping his hands. “Perfect impression. 10 out of 10.”

She did a little curtsy in response. “Grazie!” Bowser leaned against the door frame, feeling a sense of relief knowing it was just the two of them now. “Man, who knew the String Bean could stand up to her brother like that. She keeps throwing surprises at me.”

Luciana started rocking back and forth on her heels. The king koopa realized that she was still outside. He nearly jumped out of her way, bowing deeply. “Pl-Please! Come in!” His sudden movement made the plumber flinch but relaxed once she passed the doors. Bowser followed her in.

Soon the two were in the dining hall. Bowser sped walk toward the table. He quickly pulled Luciana’s chair out for her, causing a loud squeak as he did. He winced at the sound but still gave her a smile. She smiled back and sat down after thanking him. Bowser scooted her chair toward the table and clapped his hands. The lights were turned down low. He then lit the table candle with his fire breath. “Che meraviglia!” Luciana whispered under her breath. “Hopefully that means something good,” he thought to himself. The turtle then brought his attention to the bowls. He gingerly took the white cloths off, steam pooling out from them. “Bon appétit!”

Luciana’s eyes grew to the size of moons. The bowls were filled with cooked rice and beef, a variety of different vegetables, and a fried egg to top it all off. Bowser couldn’t help but be smug with her reaction. She turned to him, eyes sparkling. “What is this?!” He sat down, resting his hands on the wooden table. “It’s called bibimbap.” Luigi scrunched her face as she tried to say the name. “Bimbi—bimbipab.” Bowser let out a hearty laugh at her attempt to pronounce the word. The plumber’s face turned a bright red. “Say it with me. Bi-bim-bap.” She repeated after the turtle, saying it correctly this time. “There ya go!” He gave her a toothy grin. She smiled back, twirling her hair with a finger. Bowser looked to the side with a bashful smile. “This—is one of my favorite dishes. I wanted to share it with you since you shared one of your favorites with me.”

He looked at the corner of his eye to see Luciana staring at him. He blushed, coughing into his hand. “What w-was that called again? Tor-tortilla gardinata?” Now it was Luciana’s turn to laugh. “Tortellini gratinati.” Bowser chuckled, scratching his head. “Yeah, that. Oh before I forget, here’s Gochujang if you want some.” He passed her a small bowl of red paste. The woman cocked her head at the little dish. “Gochujang?” Bowser nodded. “Yeah. It’s a red pepper paste. It gives the bibimbap an extra kick!” Her face lit up after hearing that. He gave her a wink. “I know how you like things a little spicy so I thought I would oblige.”

She giggled, sending a flurry of warmth to Bowser’s chest. “Grazie, grazie!” She at first picked up a fork but then eyed the chop sticks. “You can eat it with those?” Bowser raised an eye brow at her. “Uh yeah. That’s how you’re supposed to eat it.” She let out a soft oh in response. The koopa realized how harsh his tone was. He reprimanded himself in his head. “Um—I can—show you how to use them, if you want that is.” Luciana blinked at him and then smiled. “Sì! I always wanted to learn how to use them!” Bowser got up and moved to her side. He gently guided Luciana how to hold the utensil. The turtle noticed just how small her hand was compared to his. “They’re so tiny—so—delicate.” He looked at the woman, who was staring at their hands. She brought her gaze to him. When their eyes locked, they both blushed crimson. Bowser removed his hand and they both looked away from each other.

He stiffly walked back to his chair, sat down, and proceeded to stuff his face to hide his blushing. After a while he turned his eyes to the green dressed plumber. She was able to pick up a bit of vegetables and rice. Luigi dipped the food in the Gochujang and put it in her mouth. Her eyes lit up as she chewed more. She looked at Bowser with a big grin. “This is amazing! Please give my compliments to the chief!” Bowser glowed by her praise. “Thanks! I was worried that I might have over-cooked the carrots.” The woman raised her eye brows in surprise. “You made this?”

“Yeah! Cooking is one of the few things I like to do.”

“Don’t…you have cooks to make your meals?” Bowser shrugged. “Yeah, but sometimes I do the cooking, especially if it’s for one of my kids’ birthdays.” Luciana stared at him. “You…made this specially…for me?” Bowser was confused by her statement. “Of course! You’re my girlfriend! What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t make food for you?” Luciana’s face was red once more. Realization hit Bowser like a blue shell to the kart once the words left his mouth. This was the first time Bowser ever called her his girlfriend or referred himself as her boyfriend. “I—um—.” He took a sip of his wine, not wanting to speak anymore. He felt a hand rest on his. The turtle looked to see Luciana, giving him a sheepish smile, cheeks pink. The king gazed at her for a moment and returned the look, intertwining his fingers with hers. Soon the two were enjoying the rest of their meal, having small talk and telling stories to pass the time.

The bowls were empty while the room was filled with laughter. Both human and koopa were smiling ear to ear. Bowser then got up and moved toward Luciana. He offered a clawed hand to the woman. She gladly took it, Bowser helping her out of the cushioned chair. “I wanna show you something.” Luciana cocked her head. “Oh? What is it?” He winked at her. “It’s a surprise!” He led her out of the room and further down the hall. A few moments later they were in front of two glass doors. Bowser opened them for Luciana, trying hard to contain his excitement. She stepped through them and gasped. The room was filled to the brim with beautiful flowers and plants, some of them the plumber had never seen before. “Oh Bowser—they’re gorgeous!”

“The ash from the volcanos makes for great fertilizer. All of our vegetables are grown here too.” Luciana turned to the koopa with sparkling eyes. He couldn’t help but crack a grin as he brought her further in the garden. They soon stopped at an elaborate stone bench. Bowser sat down, patting the spot next to him. Luciana took a seat, smoothing out her dress. She looked around, taking in all the scenery. She wasn’t the only one taking in the view. Bowser watched her, feeling lighter than air. He couldn’t explain why though. He then remembered why they were here in the first place.

“L-Luciana,” he asked softly. She turned to him, the same warm feeling from earlier hitting him harder. “Yes Bowser?” The king felt his cheeks get hotter when she said his name. Swallowing, he took something from his coat pocket. “I—I wanted to give you these.” He opened his fist to reveal a pouch of seeds. “They’re green cymbidium orchids.” Luciana gaped at the seeds. She then turned to him, bewildered. “That’s my favorite flower! How—how did you get them?! They’re so hard to find!” Bowser proudly smiled, tapping his snout. “I have my ways.” Luciana rolled her eyes playfully. Her expression grew softer as she gingerly took the pouch from his hand. “Grazie Bowser. I’ll make sure they grow big and strong.” He gave the woman a tender look. “I know you will.”

The human and koopa gazed at one another. They both felt a pull, slowly closing the distance between them as they inched closer. Luciana rested a free hand on Bowser’s cheek, making his spiked tail wag steadily. Suddenly, she had an alarmed expression on her face and placed her hand over the king’s mouth. “Aspettare! What’s the time?!” Bowser had to take a minute to process what she just asked. He then took out his pocket watch. “It’s 11:50.” They stared at each other in utter fear. The duo then sprinted out of the room and down the halls. The minions that were still awake never saw their boss run so fast before, unless it was to escape from a fight or for food. Before they knew it, they were both in a lakitu cloud and booking it to Mario and Luciana’s house.

Once the cloud stopped, the king and plumber quickly jumped out of it. Bowser whipped out his watch. Luigi watched on in anticipation. He showed her the clock. “11:58,” she gasped out in relief. Bowser wiped his forehead, feeling ready to collapse. They walked to the front door, slowly catching their breath. Bowser leaned against the wall while Luciana fixed her hair. Bowser loosened his cravat, clearing his throat. “…I hope you had a good time.” The woman nodded happily. “I did! The bi-bim-bap was excellent!” She pulled a strand of hair behind her ear with a small blush. “It was nice—to be alone together.” He agreed in silence with a small grin. He licked his lips nervously. “Also—you can visit the garden whenever you come to the castle. That way we can spend more time—alone.” The plumber was surprised but giddily replied, “I would love that.”

Without thinking, Bowser leaned down and planted a gentle kiss on her cheek. “Good night, Luciana.” The human blushed profusely, touching where he kissed her. She looked up at him in surprise. Bowser started to sweat bullets. “Oh no. Did I go too far?! I-I didn’t mean-“ Suddenly, Luciana gave him a warm kiss on the cheek as well. He felt like his whole body was on fire. “G-Good night, Bowser,” she said with a bashful grin. The koopa watched Luciana as she opened the door to her home. Before she closed it, the woman gave him a dreamy expression. Bowser swore he heard music as she gazed at him with those beautiful eyes. He gave her a blissful grin, waving good bye. She waved back, leisurely shutting the door.

Bowser jumped onto the cloud, gushing so hard that fire was peeking out of his mouth. Once he returned to his castle, the koopa’s heart was racing. He was astonished that he was even tired that night. Regardless, Bowser got ready for bed. After he put a pair of pajamas on, the king then climbed into a large bed, pulling the blanket over his chest. He let out a happy sigh, his last thought before falling asleep being his girlfriend’s pure smile.

I wrote this like--last year. Sorry it took so long to submit. Characters (c) Nintendo

[scaredofheroin]

Captain N - Chapter 1: Who Are You?

School.

The highlight of no teenager's day.

Peter Lavancha was no different.

Another day in English 12, another day in Midnight Lights High School, another day in America, another day on Earth.

As Peter idly twiddled his pencil in his hand, deliberately ignoring the research assignment currently assigned to him, his eyes glanced around the classroom. Sitting to his right was Jeremiah Coleman, one of the star football players who carried the Midnight Lights High Phantoms to state victory last year. To his left was Kimberly Sparks, one of the most talented artists in the school, whose still-life of a potted plant and car gears won the gold ribbon at the county fair. In front of Peter was Scott Hudson, who won third place at the school's science fair a month ago. Behind him was a bookshelf containing a uniform row of well-worn English textbooks, each uniquely damaged and vandalized from each other. Ms. Kirk's aged, exhausted visage accompanied the slouched-over form currently occupying the large desk at the other end of the classroom, switching from eyeing the students to make sure they're working on the assignment, and reviewing emails or other faculty-only forms. But the Word document occupied only by Peter's name, Ms. Kirk's name, the class and today's date: March 12, 2019.

The assignment was simple: research and write about your college and career path. The problem was: Peter had no idea. After graduation, a whole new world opens up. Infinite possibilities make themselves present to him, both good and bad. Sure, he could major in Business and see where that gets him, or he could go into an apprenticeship as an electrician. Or he could burn out. Peter heaved a heavy sigh, hanging his head. His mind wandered to the exciting, escapist worlds contained within the books published by DC Comics. For all that they had going against them, at least Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent knew what they were going to do with their life. And it certainly wasn't working 9 to 5 as an accountant. They would don their specially-made suits and use their unique powers and abilities to defend the innocent and save lives as Batman and Superman, the greatest superheroes ever put to paper. Peter knew his path wouldn't be as exciting. He knew he'll never get bitten by a radioactive spider, or take part in a super-soldier experiment, or be revealed to be the last son of planet Krypton. Peter would always be Peter.

The final bell of the day snapped Peter out of his self-pity, bringing a mixture of relief to finally be going home, and disappointment that he wasted essentially the entire class period daydreaming. The other students showed no such emotion, and hastily darted out from their desk to escape school. "Be sure to return your Chromebooks to the appropriate slot on the cart." Ms. Kirk sighed, knowing there would be at least three students that would misplace the cheaply-produced laptops. Peter gathered his bag, carefully put his Chromebook back in the cart and exited the classroom. The commotion of students small and tall hurriedly making their way to one of the building's three exits. Finding a spot to slip into the current of trendy clothes and hormones, Peter quickly made his way through the familiar halls and out the familiar front doors. The fresh air and warm sunlight were as great an antidote to the stress of classwork as ever. Taking a deep, appreciative breath, Peter walked over to the school parking lot, where the 18th birthday gift that is his car sits, as intact as it was this morning. Normally, that wouldn't be worth mentioning, but certain football players have made themselves enemies of the school's punks, and commonly find their car windows broken and their car bodies dented. Something about a party in September that Peter was, of course, not invited to. Peter dusted off his red varsity jacket and slipped his phone in his pocket before continuing his walk.

Peter threw his backpack in the back seat of his well-worn sedan, started the engine, and after buckling his seat belt like a responsible driver, began his daily drive home. The town of Midnight Lights was bustling with both teenagers and adults, but the foot and road traffic thinned the further Peter drove away from town. His home was about 20 minutes away from school, and while it was nice to live in a more peaceful neighborhood, Peter often envied how busy his colleague's social lives were. The further he drove, the more he fell into his pit. Jeremiah, Kimberly, Scott and many, many more students distinguished themselves with their own circle of friends, their own after-school schedules, their own talents and achievements. Surely they would have no trouble researching and writing about what they're gonna do after high school. Sure, Peter had some friends, but his hobbies could be summarized with "movies and comic books". He wasted his previous three years in high school alone in his room, catching up on what his preferred superheroes had been up to. He didn't think much of it at the time, but looking back, he's filled with immense regret.

Oh well, can't change the past.

The more Peter drove, the more he felt... different. The road and trees remained the same, but he and the car he was driving felt light. Almost as if he's floating.

Then, in the blink of an eye, the car was engulfed in a brilliant white light, and both Peter and the car vanished without a trace.

ELSEWHERE...

Two figures shot across the sky. A young, winged young man armed with a bow, followed by a white and blue, single-occupant spaceship were rapidly approaching a heavily-armored Airship. As soon as the two were visible to the Airship's occupants, the ship's commander gave the order to open fire. The cannons beneath deck charged power and took aim at the two. The winged one quickly banked out of the way, but the spaceship was only barely able to avoid the particle beam that shot out of the cannon. Once the winged one flew over the deck, he quickly pulled back the string, and a magic arrow materialized in the bow. A blink of an eye later, he shot the arrow at the commander, but the commander was too quick, and used his own magic to deflect the arrow. The spaceship shot into the distance, making a turn around to shoot back at the airship. This time, the spaceship's pilot was more prepared, and swiftly dodged the following particle beams shooting from the airship's cannons. As it drew close enough to return fire, the pilot of the spaceship found that his energy shots were absorbed by the airship's energy shields. Despite the effectiveness of the airship's protection, the commander inside had concern painted across his face. Making his way below deck, he quickly made his way to the communications room. The particle cannons made the airship tremble with each shot, but the commander was able to open a channel to his superior. The large screen in the dark room lit up, and was immediately filled with the visage of a large, stern turtle-like creature.

"What is it, Kamek?" The creature on the screen asked, anger seeping from the corners of its mouth. Kamek gulped before answering. "W-Well, I'm just not sure this airship can handle much more of this. The particle cannons are causing extreme stress to the ship, and we fear continued use will end up doing more damage than those Mushroom Kingdom stooges could!" Kamek answered. The creature roared in anger, unsatisfied with the answer given. "We did not come this far to retreat because you're too cowardly to do what needs to be done!" The creature's anger made the camera on the other end shake, making Kamek intimidated further. "B-B-But Lord Bowser, sir, if we end up damaging the-" "SILENCE! Do as you're ordered! Continue the assault, wipe out those two imbecils in the sky and join K. Rool and Dedede's airships!" Bowser ordered, cutting the video before Kamek could respond again. Hearing the spaceship zoom over head once more, Kamek steeled his nerve and returned topside, confronting the two flying assailants.

Not too far away, a white castle with red roofing was facing an assault from two other airships. The two attempted to use their particle cannons to attack the castle, but the castle was protected by a magic shield. Two figures atop the roof stood, using their staffs to concentrate protection to where the particle cannons were being aimed. The male figure attempted to use his staff to direct lightning back at the airships, but to little avail. The female figure cast a spell around the castle, reinforcing the shield. Smaller castle-goers ran around the roof, distinguished by their mushroom-like head wear, desperately trying to maintain structural integrity in any way they can. One of the smaller ones ran up to the male with the staff, desperate for help. "Lord Raiden, how much longer do we have?" The small helper asked. "At this rate, not much longer." Raiden informed the little one, helping very little. "Get back inside and ensure the Princesses are safe!" The female one instructed the mushroom people. "Listen to Palutena, there is nothing more you can help with here." Raiden added. The mushroom people quickly obliged, disappearing back inside the castle, leaving Palutena and Raiden alone to face the airships. Not a word more was exchanged as the two continued their defense. The airships drew closer, their particle cannons causing more intense reverberations with each shot. With Raiden's lightning and Palutena's light barriers, it started to seem that defeat was inevitable.

Then, a flash of light suddenly erupted, and a wave of energy soon followed.

When the light dissipated, Palutena and Raiden saw that the airship's cannons were catastrophically damaged, and the ships themselves could only barely manage to stay in the air. Realizing their situation, the airships hastily made their retreat, disappearing into the clouds. The airship that troubled the spaceship and flying young man retreated as well, leaving them confused, but relieved. Out of the corner of his eyes, the flying young man noticed a car crashed against a stray tree. This was like no car he'd ever seen, so he got the attention of the spaceship's pilot, and the two quickly flew down to investigate.

The car's driver door opened, and Peter awkwardly staggered out. He hit his head pretty hard on impact, but he's dealt with worse. Assessing the damage, Peter groaned upon seeing how badly the tree damaged the front. The body's dented, the headlights are smashed, the grill's twisted out of shape, there's no way this is salvageable. "Great, dad's gonna kill... me..?" Peter sighed to himself, his frustration turning to confusion upon further looking around. Everything around him was a bit... off. The air tasted a bit different, the tree is colored a bit different, the grass is textured a bit different. It's as if Peter got stranded in the Uncanny Valley.

"Hey, are you okay?" Came a voice from behind Peter. "Yeah, my car's pretty much ruined, but I'm fine-" Peter answered, freezing in place upon seeing who he was talking to. One was a winged young man with short brown hair and adorned in white robes, and the other was an anthropomorphic blue falcon with a silver jacket and robot legs. Peter felt frozen in place, unable to respond. Did he die? Is he hallucinating? Is he in a coma? Why are these two strange people talking with him?

"Well, that's a relief! My name's Pit, and this is Falco Lombardi!" The young man beamed, introducing himself and motioning to the anthropomorphic bird beside him. Falco peered at Peter suspiciously, taking note of his unusual nature.

"...Who are you?" Falco asked, drawing closer to Peter.

[meetthemidwest]

About Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio playing video game, I have to know what they said during the subspace emissary gameplay. May we hear about what happened? Please and thank you, you fabulous person

This took so long and I’m so sorry but finals week happened and I had to study for apush! There are spoilers, but the game came out in 2008 so I’m not too concerned. I still put it under the cut just in case someone didn’t want it spoiled. I really hope tumblr doesn’t cut this, there’s a lot here.

Subspace Emissary is a two player story mode in Smash Bros Brawl, and since there are three of them, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio take turns. Indiana and Ohio play the first level.

Indiana: You know what? I kind of relate to Kirby.Kentucky: Please explain what the hell that means.Indiana: He inhales food and killed god.Ohio: Oh please, you haven’t killed god yet.Kentucky: Yet? YET??

After the whole fight with Mario and Kirby, there’s a part where the Halberd flies over the stadium and drops a bunch of shadow bugs.

Ohio: Those things look like the mold that was growing in my basement last year.Indiana: Glowing and purple?Kentucky: Delicious.Ohio: What the actual fuck Kentucky?Kentucky: No, you don’t understand, nature is delicious.Indiana: Oh really? I’ll be right back.She comes back in five minutes later with an armful of plants from Ohio’s backyard.Kentucky: *picks up a leaf* There’s a spider on this one.Indiana: Eat it.Ohio: DON’T EAT IT!Kentucky: Aw, it fell.Ohio: *jumps from his chair to the table* Fucking kill it already!Indiana promptly throws it at him and he screams like a girl. The video cuts there. It comes back to Indiana and Ohio arguing over who to save in the first boss battle.

Indiana: Zelda’s twenty times better than Peach you dumbass!Ohio: Peach is the original Nintendo princess! You respect the originals or I’ll put you in the goddamn dirt!Kentucky: You just got a game over.Indiana: No one asked for your input Bill Monroe!Kentucky: How the hell do you know who that is?The video devolves into screaming. It cuts to Kentucky and Ohio playing while Indiana eats a pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese. They’ve saved Peach and moved on.

Kentucky: Hey, it’s Pit from Kid Icarus on the NES!Indiana: Fucking nerd!Ohio: Nice redesign.Kentucky: Yeah, well, if we aren’t going to get Geno, it’s nice that an obscure Nintendo game is getting some love.Ohio: *looks directly into the camera* Localize Mother 3 you cowards.Kentucky: PLAYER TWO CAN TELEPORT HELL YES YOU’RE CARRYING THE TEAM OHIO!

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!Kentucky: Did Diddy Kong always have guns or is that a new thing?Ohio, drinking tea in the background: Neither of you have ever played Donkey Kong Country and it shows.Kentucky: Oh god, Danky Kang just sacrificed himself for his son!Indiana: Wish that was the relationship I had with Quebec but he just calls me his bastard daughter and I call him my asshole father.Kentucky: Oof.

Ohio: Oh shit, Indi, get your xylophone, we’ve got a pokemon!Indiana: *starts playing the original pokemon battle theme on the xylophone while Kentucky fights Rayquaza but dies because he’s laughing too hard.*

Indiana: That feeling when you’re kidnapped by a small primate in a baseball cap.Ohio: No, that can happen. Have you ever been to the zoo?Kentucky: Are you okay?Ohio: *voice crack* no.

*Lucas and Porky appear*Ohio, ripping the controller out of Kentucky’s hands: YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE YOU CAPITALIST FUCK!Indiana: Oh shit, he’s crying!Kentucky: And I’m the nerd?Indiana: Shut up nerd, Mother 3 was hard on him.

*Ness appears*Indiana: SNES is just a word scramble of Ness.Kentucky: Mother 3 confirmed?Ohio: NOOO NESS JUST GOT FUCKING KILLED BY WARIO!Indiana: Weak.

*Pokemon Trainer appears*Kentucky: ASH KETCHUM???Indiana: You’re so stupid. It’s Red, obviously.Ohio: Red and Ash Ketchum’s secret love child.Indiana: *Gets up* I quit.

*Battlefield Fortress*Ohio: You know what this looks like?Kentucky: Oh god please no.Indiana: *pulls out Kentucky’s xylophone* Ready when you are.Kentucky: Indiana, if you value our friendship, please don’t do this.Indiana: We’re not friends though.*Marth is introduced. Indiana starts playing Together We Ride on the xylophone. Ohio joins in on a green plastic kazoo. Kentucky slams his face into the table and gets a nosebleed.*

Indiana: Hey it’s Spanish Batman from Kirby Right Back At Ya!Ohio: Never say those words in front of me again.

*Ike appears*Kentucky: Please don’t-Indiana and Ohio: *Playing the recruitment theme With Us on their instruments.*Kentucky: *looks into the camera like Jim on The Office*

Kentucky: Luigi is my spirit animal because he’s a coward with a heart of gold, like me.Indiana: You’re a coward, but I know you had your heart surgically removed in 1847 so don’t even try that bullshit with me.Ohio: He had a heart before 1847? Damn. See, I relate more to King Dedede because he’s a king and his relationship with Kirby reminds me of Michigan and I.Indiana: Yeah, that sounds about right.Ohio: I don’t like the implications there.

*Link appears*Indiana, shoving Ohio and Kentucky out of the way and wearing a Legend of Zelda hoodie: Move bitches, it’s my time to shine.Ohio: Oh thank god Yoshi’s here because I’m not playing as Link. Kentucky, doing a scarily accurate impression of Yoshi: YOSHI!Indiana: What the FUCK Kentucky???Kentucky, coughing: If I do that for too long I lose my voice.Indiana: Then don’t do it!

*There are some enemies that I distinctly remember in this part that scared the hell out of me, and they’re called Puppits.*Ohio: Oh god, oh fuck, what are these things?Indiana: Kill it!Ohio: *dies* SHIT!Kentucky, eating gummy bears out of a paper bag: Why are y’all so bad at this? It’s just an enemy.Indiana: *throws her controller at Kentucky and hits him in the forehead.*

*The cutscene with the box*Indiana: Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!Kentucky: SPOILERS!

*Zero-Suit Samus*Indiana: I wish that were me.Ohio: Why? She’s not that much prettier than you.Indiana: Space guns.Kentucky: Of course.Indiana: Also I think a lot of girls would be into me if I had that ass.Ohio: There it is.

*Pikachu*Ohio: Did you guys know that this is how we powered the first rocket to the moon?Kentucky: Electricity rat.Indiana: Thomas Edison used Pikachu to power America, your history books have been lying to you.Ohio: We’re going to get killed by the government, aren’t we?Kentucky: Yeah, but not for this.

*The battle against Subspace Peach*Indiana: Mario’s going to be so pissed.Kentucky: Yeah, but Yoshi’s Mario’s lifelong friend, so surely everything will be a-okay!*Mario battle ensues*Ohio: Love blinds all.Indiana: Stop trying to sound wise, I literally watched you burn your tongue on your coffee and throw it into a wall.Ohio: You know what Indiana? Fuck you.

Indiana: Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s the name you should know!Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby he’s the star of the show!*Both look at Ohio*Ohio, obviously disappointed in life: He’s more than you think, he’s got maximum pink.Indiana and Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby’s the one!

Indiana: Ew it’s Ganondorf.Kentucky: Wait, I thought he was a pig?Ohio: Well Kentucky, people can be pigs without looking like them, like New York.Kentucky: No, wasn’t he literally a pig?Indiana: That was Ganon.Kentucky: They’re… they’re the same thing?

*Wario battle*Ohio: IS LUCAS DOING THE ARTHUR MEME?Indiana: HOLY SHIT HE IS!Kentucky: MOTHER 3 CONFIRMED!*they all start screaming incoherently. The video cuts to them actually fighting Wario. Ohio is Lucas, Kentucky is the Pokemon Trainer.*Ohio: My boy Lucas has seen some shit.Kentucky: Your boy Kentucky has also seen some shit, how about a little love over here?Ohio: No.Kentucky: Thanks.

*Bowser’s army attacks the castle Dedede is in.*Indiana: Oh my goodness he’s Dedede-dead!Ohio: I’m going to sew your lips together while you sleep.

*Bowser gets away with Peach’s trophy*Kentucky: This is so sad, Indiana play Ave Maria.Indiana: *plays Ave Maria on the kazoo*

Kentucky: I love how Ike, the youngest and most impulsive, jumps right off a cliff while both Marth and Meta Knight reach out to stop him.Ohio: Me with my bastard siblings.Indiana: Let me guess, Wisconsin’s Ike, Michigan’s Meta Knight, and you’re Marth?Ohio: No, because I don’t join them in their bullshit.Indiana: Oh? Then what do you call the time the three of you tied Illinois to a tree and left him there for a week?Ohio: It’s called knocking the wealthy down a few pegs.Kentucky: Guys, this was an appreciation of Fire Emblem characters and nothing more.

*Diddy Kong trophy*Indiana: PeRSonALLy I PrEFer ThE AiR!Kentucky: OH! GRAB THE FAN! *they proceed to get the giant Subspace Diddy Kong to 500% and launch him off the screen.*Ohio: The monkey’s kidnapping a bird.Indiana: I saw that happen in Florida once.

*Ridley battle*Kentucky: HE’S TOO BIG FOR SMASH BROS!*Kentucky then plays the Ridley theme on the xylophone while Ohio attempts to crawl out a window and Indiana screams*

*Olimar and Captain Falcon*Kentucky in the background playing Pikmin music on the xylophone: Isn’t this nice? Pikmin was one of the best games I ever played.*West Virginia kicks down the door and plays the F-Zero theme on an electric guitar*Kentucky: Get the hell out!West Virginia: While y’all were sitting in here playing video games I got arrested for tax fraud and broke out on my own.Indiana: Amateur. What’s your point kid?West Virginia: Get on my level. Get hobbies for god’s sake. You’re going to be killed one day, you gotta live in the moment.Ohio: I die when I decide, you little rat faced bastard. There’s a cupcake in the fridge, take it and get out.West Virginia: Alright, I’m going to elope with Mothman, see y’all later.

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!!!!Kentucky: Aw heck, I died.

*Ice Climbers*Ohio: That jumping noise definitely isn’t going to get annoying in the next few minutes.Kentucky: *slowly mutes the tv*Indiana: You guys are really dumb sometimes. You know that, right?

*the two groups meet up*Indiana: The gang’s all here!Ohio: If you play as Link again I’m going to suffocate you on camera.Indiana: With what?Kentucky: His Ohio State mascot body pillow.Indiana: What the fuck.Ohio: You’re next, Kentucky.

*Snake*Kentucky: Sometimes I just want to hide in a box while my problems run around without me.Indiana: Shame problems are like Lucario and can see right through your hiding place.Ohio: Guys, I dropped a hot pocket into the hole in the wall and I can’t get it out.

*Sheik and Peach*Indiana: I’m getting some strong Peach loves her strong girlfriend vibes from this.Kentucky: I’d love my strong girlfriend too if I had one.Ohio: No living organism would put up with you for more than a week.Indiana: YO PEACH IS SUCH A BADASS!Ohio: SEE???Indiana: Zelda’s still better though.Kentucky: Fox McCloud’s going down.Indiana: Do a barrel roll!Ohio: Shit, I want tea.Kentucky: Then make some!Ohio: Okay! Jeez, don’t yell at me.

Indiana: Where did Mr. Game and Watch even come from?Ohio: Hell.Kentucky: Actually, there’s a series of handheld games-Indiana: Shut up nerd!

*Subspace bomb factory*Indiana: American weapons storage.*the entire factory blows up*Kentucky:… American weapons storage.Ohio: It’s us when we try to get together for holidays.

Ohio: Kirby rides in on a fucking dragon to save the day!Indiana: Sakurai showing clear favoritism for his children.Kentucky: Virginia made West a pepperoni roll once and when I asked for one she told me that I could starve.Ohio: GUYS IT WASN’T MASTER HAND IT’S THIS ASSHOLE OLD MAN LOOKING GUY AND BOWSER’S DEAD STOP HAVING FEELINGS AND GET YOUR HEADS IN THE GAME!

*Everyone dies*Indiana: I want butterfly wings that kill people.Kentucky: Evolve and grow them.Indiana: Good idea.Ohio: LUCAS NOOOOOOO!

*Dedede, Ness, and Luigi**Ohio walks in dressed as King Dedede, Indiana’s dressed as Ness, and Kentucky is dressed as Luigi*Kentucky: I still think I should have done sexy Luigi, but whatever.Indiana: Ohio, say it.Ohio: I’m not going to say it, fuck off.Indiana: Say it.Ohio: No!Indiana: SAY IT.Ohio: I’m gonna clobber that there Kirby.Kentucky: That’s mama Luigi to you!Indiana: Fuck, Ness doesn’t have any funny lines. Ohio: Can we please play the game now?Indiana, clearly excited: OKEY

*Great Maze*Indiana: You’re going the wrong way!Ohio: You’re hogging the remote! Let Kentucky play!Kentucky: That’s the wrong door!*they start screeching at each other. Minnesota walks into the room about to say something, shakes his head, and leaves.*

*Tabuu fight*Kentucky: I’m vibing with this music.Ohio: Don’t try and sound young, we all know you’re old as fuck.Indiana: Ohio if you don’t stop dying I’m going to throw you out a window.Kentucky: SONIC SPEED! *proceeds to die* GOSH DARN IT!Indiana: WHY ARE YOU USING SONIC?Kentucky: HE WAS RIGHT THERE I HAD TO!*they die about twelve more times, but only one makes the final cut. At some point they beat the game*

Indiana: This was cute. I really liked the relationships in it.Ohio: Yeah, shame we’ll never get a wholesome and fulfilling story mode again, right guys?Kentucky: *plays the Smash Ultimate theme on the xylophone.*Indiana: I’ll go get my Switch.Ohio: You better.Indiana: I’ll hit you.Ohio: You’re in my house, that’s assault.*Indiana kicks Ohio out of his chair. The video cuts for the last time*

[elegiacmarquise]

More love for the pink damsel

This is a rant, the first and the only, that I wrote a while ago and which I posted previously on DeviantArt and reposted on the Mario Amino, few days after the release of Super Mario Odyssey, after a new wave of hatred towards Princess Peach...

Considering that, nevertheless, the princess' relationship with most fans has always been ambiguous, what may have seemed to be tolerable, now is no longer acceptable speaking from the prospective of Peach's admirer, and hoping to be a spokesman for who, like me, genuinely appreciates her.

--------------------------------------------------

But before starting with the proper rant, why do I post this writing, even if they passed almost two years when I did write it? A YouTube video made by the quite famous personality of RelaxAlax which I Iink below.

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Quite shallow, huh?

But this will NOT be an hate speech towards Alax, the rest of his videos are actually enjoyable and sometimes funny, but despite what he says in the video is nothing more and nothing less than what most Peach's haters actually say, I'm fearing that even due to this video, people are convinced to hate the pink princess without even knowing the truth behind her character.

But I must've taken you a lot of time, let's begin this speech, which was inspired by an older one (now deleted) posted by a friend of mine on Deviantart.

Let’s get started from the most recurring insults about the personality

"Peach is weak!!!"

While it’s true that for most of the games the Princess is kidnapped by Bowser or any enemy, it’s also the case that several times she has proved to be not so helpless, and even trying to escape to her kidnapper more than once indicates that Peach is not just staying there to patiently wait her hero; indeed, she was the only one along with Rosalina and Toadette who was been able to defend herself.

Some proofs? Super Princess Peach, Super Paper Mario, Super Mario 3D Land/ World, Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle, Super Smash Bros series...

"So why is she always kidnapped?!"

Nintendo logic. Just joking, I think that the reason is due to the fact that Peach, like anyone else, is an human being, with her fears and anxieties, and so what can she do if suddenly there is a monster bigger at least the triple of her accompanied by an huge army? Not everyone is badass, and she obviously is not always, but is it a good reason to hate her? I don’t think so.

Also remember that even two stronger characters like Mario and Luigi often struggle during the battles with Bowser, how could a delicate princess?

So, in a more general view, how much it’s wrong to blame the victims and not the kidnappers? Why does everyone hate Peach for this and not BOWSER?

And there are Daisy, Pauline and Zelda, who were kidnapped as well, but still worshipped as goddesses...

"Peach is stupid!!1!"

If the Princess was actually that stupid,she wouldn't be on a throne ruling a whole kingdom peacefully nor even to try a time machine or even called to try to find a cure to a plague that affected the Mushroom Kingdom. She may not have an IQ of 300 like Dr Eggman,but that doesn't mean she's stupid.

Characters who are REALLY "stupid" on purpose, like Wario and Waluigi, loved because they are. Now, people, don't tell me you aren't uncoherent.

"Peach has no personality!1!"

So, a sweet and kind personality shouldn’t be a good character trait? Great, so we wasted years and years of characterization in a video game character.

Even a little development is always putted in while creating a characte and, as we are seeing, Miyamoto and Nintendo are generally developing the character of the princess, in the best, demonstrating that even the princess is not a fossilized archetype in Mario's existence for thirty years. She’s so sweet and kind, but also has values, friends and a dignity that defends strenuously.

Guys, Peach is human, so she has flaws, and that's right, but saying that she doesn’t have personality is an insult to both her and Nintendo in general.

Let's compare for a moment Peach and Rei Ayanami from Evangelion, and see who is not supposed to have personality. (although Rei also has a very strong, still not obvious, characterization that develops in the course of the series)

"Peach is a Mary Sue!!!1!"

A Mary Sue would theoretically is a character with too unnatural characteristics for their universe or species, overly powerful and often accompanied by a tragic backstory; in short, it's misleading in their context. By applying this description to Peach, how should she be a Mary Sue?

As explained in the previous paragraphs, the Princess, still mostly human, has a magical power that is always inferior to those of other characters, such as Rosalina; and comparing it with the Star Guardian, shouldn’t be her chararcter be more similar in the description of a Sue? Consistency, this unknown concept...

I see you already with the forks in your hands, but let me clarify one thing, even a character like Rosalina is not a Mary Sue, she still has her flaws, and we love her as she is, but if Peach is one, Rosalina fits the definition WAY more.

Let’s talk about the character design

"Peach always wears pink!!1!"

Come on, guys, hating a character for a color is a such superficial thing that, would do kindergarten children the most.

Pink is a color like all the others, in the spectrum of colors, so anyone can wear it, even males.

(Trivia: up to a few decades ago, pink was more of a masculine color, given to boys since it’s a lighter version of red, a color considered manly)

Peach is looking good with pink and no one in Mario games seems to complain too much about that, and so, so why do we fans do?

"Peach is girly!!!!1!”

And so? A female character to be worthy of this name must be a tomboy or a badass with a gun on her hands? You have great prospects in mind, my dear ones, just like that.

Seriously, why does a character who likes to cure herself, should be banned from today's media?

However, almost all the girls in the Mario games are femminine, even Daisy, despite being described as a tomboy, so it doesn’t seem a good excuse for hating a character.

"Peach is blonde!!!1!"

Guys that stereotype that everyone who is blonde must be stupid it's not only extremely outdated, but there are a lot of people who consider it quite offensive. Open your minds! Go, go! The isn't any relations about the quantity of melaninine on the hair and the actual intelligence.

Even Rosalina and most of the Zeldas encountered in the games are blondes, but nobody seems to care.

"Peach has an annoying voice!!1!"

All the characters in the Mario games have their voices emphasized, guys, and Peach isn’t an exception.

There are characters with even more exaggerated voices, trust me, like Daisy, Toad or Rosalina's new dubbing, but for certain reasons, only Peach should be demonized for that by fans.

"Peach is a prostitute!!1!"

This is one of the most recurring insults that are ever placed against our hated Princess, and that's what I'm wondering where most haters have been losing their credibility.

Did Peach ever wear provocative clothes? NO. (unless you have a fetishism towards biker suits and similar outfits)

Has she ever tried to seduce anyone she saw? NEVER (what you see on Rule34 and other lewd sites is not canon, I'm sorry)

Let's be clear: Peach is just the opposite of the stereotype of the prostitute, as being a sweet, gentle, and that kind of girl who rarely makes sloppy thoughts; And yet Mario is not the kind of game that is suitable to show sensual girls often.

Another point: how do people define as that Peach and not Pauline or Valentina from Super Mario RPG, who are wearing much revealing clothes (and not even worthy to be called with those sick names)? Mystery of the Faith.

PS. Giving a prostitute to someone is not fashionable anymore :3

Now, let’s analyse that kind of insults that relate with Peach’s relationships with other characters

"Peach isn’t grateful to Mario!!!!1!"

Ever since Peach has never been grateful to Mario? WHEN? She kisses him, and fills him with cakes. What should the Princess do more with him? having sex is not a good answer, and it doesn't even marrying him.

Mario is still a sweet and family friendly series, if you want NSFW art, go to rule34 or look good at deviantart, but don’t expect explicit scenes in similar games.

"Peach is a tyrant who abuses Toads!!!1!"

But since that is so, seriously, did I miss some details? And no, The Game Theorists, aren’t worth as a source of inspiration since theirs is only a mere SPECULATION (also badly made imho).

To me Peach has always seemed like the OPPOSITE of a tyrant! She’s a good sovereign who’s caring for her subjects, and most of the Toads are happy with her guide and willing whenever she needs help.

I guess you are thinking of the Toad used from the princess during Super Smash Bros: If we analyse well what our beloved mushroom does during the frames in which we can see him, we can notice that doesn’t acts as a shield for the princess, but is determined more than ever to attack with his spores, so for me this isn’t a point to demonise Peach at all.

Then do you think that in Smash bros Rosalina does something way more serious?! She fights with a Luma, one of her CHILDREN all the time. But since she is our beloved star waifu, Peach is not worth to be compared lmao.

Again this time implore the sacred goddess of the consistency for forgiving their vain words...

"Peach betrays Daisy!!!1!"

Peach and Daisy have proven themselves to be best friends since the first time they appeared together, and even now their idyllic relationship hasn’t stopped being shown in the games and even in that LINE stickers that came out a while ago!

How Peach Should betray Daisy? For Rosalina, for Pauline? I think all the girls in the world of Mario are friendly to each other, so I don’t see any reasons in a betray, since at worst they are in a friendly rivalry.

"Peach is much less sexy than Rosalina / Pauline!!!1!"

If I can understand why Pauline can be considered sensual, how should Rosalina be? She’s wearing just a turquoise dress, which does not reveals much, and which can only be sexualized in the most indecent fanarts drawn by FANS indeed, but we all know the new religion that places the guardian of the Lumas to a brand new god.

However, all of Mario girls have been designed to be beautiful, not sex objects, not even Pauline, and none of them will agree to be your beautiful waifus condescending to all your fantasies, deal with it!

"Peach is not tomboy like Daisy is!!!1!"

And this is what connects to the previous point where the Princess was insulted to be girly. Assuming that even Daisy, in her own way, is girly (if she was totally a tomboy, she wouldn’t certainly wear those long dresses with ease, nor she would have her notorious passion for flowers), it’s not nice to have a bit of variety in the characters personalities? Go on, Peach is a gentle and sweet girl, Daisy is exuberant and sporty, Rosalina, calm and majestic, Wendy spoiled yet powerful, Toadette cheerful and curious, and finally Pauline concrete and passionate. Everyone compensates their gaps with the others, and this balance between the girls is fine, so please do not compare all the girls, Peach first, to Daisy.

"Peach appears too much in the games, so she's overrated!!!1!"

Guys, our princess is one of the protagonists of Mario's videogames, along with the plumber, his brother, Bowser and Toad, so it's natural that she often appears in the games. After all, Peach (after Pauline, who belonged for long time to another series) is the first of the princesses to appear, so it's logical that Nintendo would value that in this way.

And another little thing: the word overrated does NOT mean popular in its own universe, it means overly popular among its FANS.

And Peach has relatively few fans compared to the other main characters.

And, as the final cherry on the cake, let’s talk about Odyssey, who can have reassume prevous points, but what is equally needed, because of the following reasons

"PEACH IS A BITCH WHO HASN’T ACCEPTED MARIO'S PROPOSAL, STUPID AND UNGRATEFUL!!!1! THAT’S OBVIOUS THAT MARIO CHOOSES PAULINE!!!1!"

And here we come to the juice of the speech, and at this point I would like to ask: but have you seen the final cutscene of the game, or are you just knocking on your keyboards to don’t make feel the keys alone and misunderstood?

Let’s assume that after a long, tiring journey along the WHOLE world, with a monster bigger at least the triple of you who is doing everything to organize a NOT-wanted marriage with you; and  immediately soon after being rescued, at the end of an extravagant battle, you have not one, but TWO contenders for your hand, what are you doing? The doll who gives all of herself to her hero just because she saved you? But in which period are we, in the nineteenth century?

Guys, let's talk seriously, would you immediately answer to a such serious question, which can change the rest of your life, on the moon under such conditions? I really don’t think so.

So Peach did, showing her intelligence, and why not, joking over it. It wasn’t the place nor the time for Mario and Bowser to move such proposals, and I honestly think that Peach done right to refuse both of them, I believe, momentarily.

And so centuries of feminist struggles went cancelled because of a video game character...

"PEACH HAS LEFT MARIO AND BOWSER ON THE MOON!!1!"

Yeah, okay, Odyssey's final was what it was, but you can’t hate a character because she's not a puppet in Mario or Bowser's hand. Tell me, you first complained that Peach had no character and now that she has explicated it, in good, you hate her the same? Consistency, this unknown concept...

However, for this detail, have you noticed that Peach eventually called Mario on the Odyssey, even though it had already started to fly? Mario had all the time he needed to get on board with the Princess and her friends. Even if Mario couldn't make it to the Odyssey (which is also unlikely under a cautious analysis of the cutscene), I even highly doubt that not only Bowser but all the other wedding's guests (including PAULINE) were diying there, surely there was at least ONE other vehicle which could bring back them home.

Also think about Peach's dialogues in the post-game: she completely forgave Mario's misbehaving and she's still happy to see him to the point to give him all the moons she gets! So she’s not that ungrateful...

And that's what I needed to say. Guys, please stop hating Peach, she didn’t do anything, and certainly she doesn’t deserve your insults.

In these times, the princess is among the main characters the most hated, even much more than Daisy or Zelda, who have their great slice of fans, who would do anything for them and even considering them "better" in Smash Bros.

I'm sorry to have written this rant but I'm sure this time is really needed...

Fandoms, Mario included, can be beautiful places where you can meet fantastic people but at the same time you can witness this free hate episodes even from famous personalities...

Thank you for reading, and see you soon.

---------------------------------------------------

P.S. Below I show you the main places where the princess is hated for the above reasons.

Gamefaqs, TheTopTens.com, Marioboards, DeviantArt and Youtube

P.P.S. Please, do not go to the video I've mentioned only to insult the youtuber: despite that entry is far from being well-crafted, he made enjoyable content as well. He deserves respect as well and if you really want to discuss in the comment section about the subject, please be polite

P.P.P.S. If you hate Peach and you feel to comment here, please write maturely, well-structured comments. If we can have a mature dialogue, it's best for both of us.

[makerof150papermasks]

Hamlet Mariofied Act 1 Scene 5

Boldened names refer to the Mario characters playing the roles. The character role names remain in the context of the play and its dialogue.

Mario = Hamlet

Donkey Kong = Ghost

Luigi = Horatio

Yoshi = Marcellus

Act I, Scene 5

Elsinore. The Castle. Another part of the fortifications.

Enter Donkey Kong and Mario, set to the level start jingle from the Donkey Kong arcade game.

Mario. Whither wilt thou lead me? Speak! I'll go no further.

DK. Mark me.

Hamlet. I will.

 Donkey Kong. My hour is almost come,

When I to sulph'rous and tormenting flames

Must render up myself.

Mario. Alas, poor ghost!

DK. Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing

 To what I shall unfold.

Mario. Speak. I am bound to hear.

DK. So art thou to revenge, when thou shalt hear.

Mario. What?

DK. I am thy father's spirit,

 Doom'd for a certain term to walk the night,

And for the day confin'd to fast in fires,

Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature

Are burnt and purg'd away. But that I am forbid

To tell the secrets of my prison house,

 I could a tale unfold whose lightest word

Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,

Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,

Thy knotted and combined locks to part,

And each particular hair to stand on end

 Like quills upon the fretful porcupine.

But this eternal blazon must not be

To ears of flesh and blood. List, list, O, list!

If thou didst ever thy dear father love-

Mario. O God!

 DK. Revenge his foul and most unnatural murther.

Mario. Murther?

DK. Murther most foul, as in the best it is;

But this most foul, strange, and unnatural.

Mario. Haste me to know't, that I, with wings as swift

 As meditation or the thoughts of love,

May sweep to my revenge.

DK. I find thee apt;

And duller shouldst thou be than the fat weed

That rots itself in ease on Lethe wharf,

 Wouldst thou not stir in this. Now, Hamlet, hear.

'Tis given out that, sleeping in my orchard,

A serpent stung me. So the whole ear of Denmark

Is by a forged process of my death

Rankly abus'd. But know, thou noble youth,

 The serpent that did sting thy father's life

Now wears his crown.

Mario. O my prophetic soul!

My uncle?

DK. Ay, that incestuous, that adulterate beast, (Flashback begins of Donkey Kong and Bowser sitting against the Cheep-chomp fountain in front of the castle)

 With witchcraft of his wit, with traitorous gifts-

O wicked wit and gifts, that have the power

So to seduce!- won to his shameful lust

The will of my most seeming-virtuous queen. 

O Hamlet, what a falling-off was there, (Continuing with the flashback, Bowser reaches into his shell and grabs a banana tainted with Bowser Jr’s paint goop, then turns to hand the gift to a hapless Donkey Kong)

  From me, whose love was of that dignity

That it went hand in hand even with the vow

I made to her in marriage, and to decline

Upon a wretch whose natural gifts were poor

To those of mine!

 But virtue, as it never will be mov'd,

Though lewdness court it in a shape of heaven,

So lust, though to a radiant angel link'd,

Will sate itself in a celestial bed

And prey on garbage. (As Donkey Kong proceeds to stomach the banana Bowser lent him, a tremor quakes within, causing the then-king to begin exhaling swoopin’ stus and a towering black Polluted Piranha before falling to his death)

 But soft! methinks I scent the morning air.

Brief let me be. Sleeping within my orchard,

My custom always of the afternoon,

Upon my secure hour thy uncle stole,

With juice of cursed hebona in a vial,

 And in the porches of my ears did pour

The leperous distilment; whose effect

Holds such an enmity with blood of man

That swift as quicksilver it courses through

The natural gates and alleys of the body,

 And with a sudden vigour it doth posset

And curd, like eager droppings into milk,

The thin and wholesome blood. So did it mine;

And a most instant tetter bark'd about,

Most lazar-like, with vile and loathsome crust

 All my smooth body. 

Thus was I, sleeping, by a brother's hand

Of life, of crown, of queen, at once dispatch'd;

Cut off even in the blossoms of my sin,

Unhous'led, disappointed, unanel'd,

 No reckoning made, but sent to my account (After extinguishing the grime expelled by the now-deceased Donkey Kong, Bowser crouches by the body to appear as though he mourns, thus ending the flashback)

With all my imperfections on my head.

Mario. O, horrible! O, horrible! most horrible!

DK. If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not.

Let not the royal bed of Denmark be

 A couch for luxury and damned incest.

But, howsoever thou pursuest this act,

Taint not thy mind, nor let thy soul contrive

Against thy mother aught. Leave her to heaven,

And to those thorns that in her bosom lodge

 To prick and sting her. Fare thee well at once.

The glowworm shows the matin to be near

And gins to pale his uneffectual fire.

Adieu, adieu, adieu! Remember me. Exit.

Mario. O all you host of heaven! O earth! What else?

 And shall I couple hell? Hold, hold, my heart!

And you, my sinews, grow not instant old,

But bear me stiffly up. Remember thee?

Ay, thou poor ghost, while memory holds a seat

In this distracted globe. Remember thee?

 Yea, from the table of my memory

I'll wipe away all trivial fond records,

All saws of books, all forms, all pressures past

That youth and observation copied there,

And thy commandment all alone shall live

 Within the book and volume of my brain,

Unmix'd with baser matter. Yes, by heaven!

O most pernicious woman!

O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!

My tables! Meet it is I set it down

 That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain;

At least I am sure it may be so in Denmark. [Writes.]

So, uncle, there you are. Now to my word:

It is 'Adieu, adieu! Remember me.'

I have sworn't.

 Luigi. [within] My lord, my lord!

Enter Luigi and Yoshi.

Yoshi. Lord Hamlet!

Luigi. Heaven secure him!

Mario. So be it!

 Yoshi. Illo, ho, ho, my lord!

Mario. Hillo, ho, ho, boy! Come, bird, come.

Yoshi. How is't, my noble lord?

Luigi. What news, my lord?

Yoshi. O, wonderful!

 Luigi. Good my lord, tell it.

Mario. No, you will reveal it.

Luigi. Not I, my lord, by heaven!

Yoshi. Nor I, my lord.

Mario. How say you then? Would heart of man once think it?

 But you'll be secret?

Yoshi. [with Luigi] Ay, by heaven, my lord.

Mario. There's neer a villain dwelling in all Denmark

But he's an arrant knave.

Luigi. There needs no ghost, my lord, come from the grave

 To tell us this.

Mario. Why, right! You are in the right!

And so, without more circumstance at all,

I hold it fit that we shake hands and part;

You, as your business and desires shall point you,

 For every man hath business and desire,

Such as it is; and for my own poor part,

Look you, I'll go pray.

Luigi. These are but wild and whirling words, my lord.

Mario. I am sorry they offend you, heartily;

  Yes, faith, heartily.

Luigi. There's no offence, my lord.

Mario. Yes, by Saint Patrick, but there is, Horatio,

And much offence too. Touching this vision here,

It is an honest ghost, that let me tell you.

 For your desire to know what is between us,

O'ermaster't as you may. And now, good friends,

As you are friends, scholars, and soldiers,

Give me one poor request.

Luigi. What is't, my lord? We will.

 Mario. Never make known what you have seen to-night.

Yoshi. [with Luigi] My lord, we will not.

Mario. Nay, but swear't.

Luigi. In faith,

My lord, not I.

 Yoshi. Nor I, my lord- in faith.

Mario. Upon my sword.

Yoshi. We have sworn, my lord, already.

Mario. Indeed, upon my sword, indeed.

Donkey Kong cries under the stage.

DK. Swear.

Mario. Aha boy, say'st thou so? Art thou there, truepenny?

Come on! You hear this fellow in the cellarage.

Consent to swear.

Luigi. Propose the oath, my lord.

 Mario. Never to speak of this that you have seen.

Swear by my sword.

DK. [beneath] Swear.

Mario. Hic et ubique? Then we'll shift our ground.

Come hither, gentlemen,

 And lay your hands again upon my sword.

Never to speak of this that you have heard:

Swear by my sword.

DK. [beneath] Swear by his sword.

Mario. Well said, old mole! Canst work i' th' earth so fast?

 A worthy pioner! Once more remove, good friends."

Luigi. O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

Mario. And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,

Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

 But come!

Here, as before, never, so help you mercy,

How strange or odd soe'er I bear myself

(As I perchance hereafter shall think meet

To put an antic disposition on),

 That you, at such times seeing me, never shall,

With arms encumb'red thus, or this head-shake,

Or by pronouncing of some doubtful phrase,

As 'Well, well, we know,' or 'We could, an if we would,'

Or 'If we list to speak,' or 'There be, an if they might,'

Or such ambiguous giving out, to note

That you know aught of me- this is not to do,

So grace and mercy at your most need help you,

Swear.

DK. [beneath] Swear.

 [They swear.]

Mario. Rest, rest, perturbed spirit! So, gentlemen,

With all my love I do commend me to you;

And what so poor a man as Hamlet is

May do t' express his love and friending to you,

  God willing, shall not lack. Let us go in together;

And still your fingers on your lips, I pray.

The time is out of joint. O cursed spite

That ever I was born to set it right!

Nay, come, let's go together. (Leaps forward and sails into the air as his accomplices take suit, while Donkey Kong watches with anticipation before utterly dissipating)

  Exeunt.

[tingletalksgames-blog]

Bayonetta Review!

When I first saw this game, I had heard a lot about it: strong witches, lots of hair, and I have seen her in the new Super Smash Bros. as well. I had finally got a hold of the combo disc for the WiiU and got to play through it and man was I blown away. I had known generally I was getting into a good game, ultimately ended with a wonderful, action packed experience that I can’t wait to continue.

Bayonetta is a sort of spiritual successor to a series called Devil May Cry (being made by the same developers Team Little Devils now renamed Team Little Angels), a game based around the metaphysical and the combat that takes place in between two groups of witches that had once held the peace of our world. Bayonetta is a witch that has awoken after 500 years with no recollection of anything, and has been dealing with angels and divine beings to pay for her deal with the Devil. After she finishes a job she is sent to the city of Vigrid to find a jewel that is said to be part of a set, The Eyes of the World. The Eyes are jewels that the witch clan Bayonetta is from, the Umbra witches, and the counterpart, the Lumos sages, watched over to maintain balance of the world. One day they had a huge conflict because of the jewels, hella ironic, and are plunged into a war where the Umbra witches must be eradicated. Bayonetta is the last Umbra witch and must find the Eye before it falls into bad company.

Bay has a small entourage of groupies that follow her through her journey that make up a wide and wonderfully ridiculous cast.  A man named Enzo who has underground connections and is reminiscent of a goofy mobster, and Rodin, her hellbent blacksmith are her main company and go to guys through out the game. They give her details and direction for the multiple places for Bayonetta to follow, as well as provide her upgrades. Along the way, you encounter the not-so-suave Luka, whose father you have supposedly killed whenever you had woken up. He proves to be more of a nuisance as you first deal with him, but becomes an ally of sorts in the later parts. A small child ends up accompanying you for a few levels named Cerveza and she won't stop calling you ‘Mummy’. She will be part of escort missions you have to carry out with her, but she isnt too much of a burden, Bayonetta cast pretty strong magic to shield  her. You also have a constant rival, a blonde woman who challenges you almost every level, pushing you to remember who you were and to ‘finish what they started’ so long ago. Her group pushes her along and helps you with where to go, items to get, and new objectives, and they are all thriving with personality so you don't have to worry about staleness.

Bayonetta has a fight to move on system where you have to defeat X enemies to move on. There isn’t a lot a exploration but there are a few collectibles and weapons to get throughout the game. Fighting the angels and divine creatures with Bayonetta is so smooth. Her combos and motions flow wonderfully as you jump and smash across whatever battlefield you are on at the moment. She uses either guns, a weapon, or her feet as her main weapons of choice and they all are useful in their own way. The game keeps things fresh by throwing in new enemies or mini bosses every few fights so that you don't just blow through the same few angels every time. A part that really had me stunned was how massive the boss fights were.You would fight against these huge monstrous beings and using Bay’s hair and weapons, you would take them down! Some of these guys would just tower over you or you would have to run along them just to get to one of their weak spots, it felt huge and epic to slay these guys!

The music was another cool piece of the game, every time something critical or huge was happening you would hear one of two options: bad-ass orchestral choirs or a female upbeat remix of Frank Sinatra’s “Fly Me to the Moon”. Once you hear one of those start you knew that things were about to get real and you had to get ready for something massive to happen. Apart from the music there were other things to appreciate within the game too such as minigames at the end of each level to get you more Halos, the currency within Bayonetta, so that you could upgrade Bayonetta's abilities and powers. Bayonetta also gets alternate costumes based on Princess Peach, Daisy, Link, and Samus to appreciate as well. While none boost your stats, they are aesthetically pleasing and the bonus things you do or hear with each costume are enjoyable as well. The Link outfit gives you iconic noises from the Legend of Zelda series when you collect items or open chest, and with the Samus suit she shoots from her hand cannon. Wearing the Super Mario princess outfits were my personal favorite, when Bayonetta does her combos she can summon huge fists and feet through the portals devastate your enemy, but when wear Daisy and Peach dresses, you summons Bowser’s appendages through the the portals instead of the dark hair figures.

My only gripe would be that the mini-boss sequences started to become dull in the later parts of the game, making smaller versions of the huge bosses that you has to fight each level was unnecessary and got monotonous. But all in all, Sega has outdone itself with Bayonetta. It's got comedy throughout it and has tons of the ridiculous content that Sega is known for. A fun, action filled, reference packed, bad-ass adventure that once completed, has you ready for the sequel. WIth Bayonetta 3 on the way for the Switch, I hope that they can keep Bayonetta true to her form, and keep hitting home runs with this series!

[makerof150papermasks]

Hamlet Mariofied Act 3 Scene 2

Bolded names refer to the Mario characters playing the roles. The character role names remain the same in the context of the play and its dialogue.

Mario = Hamlet

Birdo = First Player

Diddy Kong, Dixie Kong = Other Players

Kamek = Polonius

Wario = Rosencrantz

Waluigi = Guildenstern

Luigi = Horatio

Bowser = Claudius

Peach = Gertrude

Wendy = Ophelia

Amazing Flyin’ Hammer Bro, Buster Beetle, Whimp = Lords Attendant

Terrapin, Hammer Bro, Fire Bro, Ice Bro, Boomerang Bro, Sledge Bro, Armored Koopa (Koopatrol), Terra Cotta = Guards

Mouser, Fryguy = Trumpeters

Clawgrip, Tryclyde = Drummers

Gooper Blooper, King Bob-omb, Eyerok, Boss Wiggler = Hautboys

Wart = Player King

Rosalina = Player Queen

Mallow = Lucianus Player

Morton, Roy, Ludwig, Booster = Mutes

Act III, Scene 2

Elsinore. Hall in the Castle.

Enter Mario and three of the Players [Birdo, Diddy Kong, and Dixie Kong]. Tune to Overworld Theme from Super Mario Bros 2

Mario. Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounc'd it to you,

trippingly on the tongue. But if you mouth it, as many of our

players do, I had as live the town crier spoke my lines. Nor do

 not saw the air too much with your hand, thus, but use all

gently; for in the very torrent, tempest, and (as I may say)

whirlwind of your passion, you must acquire and beget a

temperance that may give it smoothness. O, it offends me to the

soul to hear a robustious periwig-pated fellow tear a passion to

 tatters, to very rags, to split the cars of the groundlings, who

(for the most part) are capable of nothing but inexplicable dumb

shows and noise. I would have such a fellow whipp'd for o'erdoing

Termagant. It out-herods Herod. Pray you avoid it.

Birdo. I warrant your honour.

 Mario. Be not too tame neither; but let your own discretion be your

tutor. Suit the action to the word, the word to the action; with

this special observance, that you o'erstep not the modesty of

nature: for anything so overdone is from the purpose of playing,

whose end, both at the first and now, was and is, to hold, as

 'twere, the mirror up to nature; to show Virtue her own feature,

scorn her own image, and the very age and body of the time his

form and pressure. Now this overdone, or come tardy off, though

it make the unskilful laugh, cannot but make the judicious

grieve; the censure of the which one must in your allowance

 o'erweigh a whole theatre of others. O, there be players that I

have seen play, and heard others praise, and that highly (not to

speak it profanely), that, neither having the accent of

Christians, nor the gait of Christian, pagan, nor man, have so

strutted and bellowed that I have thought some of Nature's

 journeymen had made men, and not made them well, they imitated

humanity so abominably.

Birdo. I hope we have reform'd that indifferently with us, sir.

Mario. O, reform it altogether! And let those that play your clowns

speak no more than is set down for them. For there be of them

 that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren

spectators to laugh too, though in the mean time some necessary

question of the play be then to be considered. That's villanous

and shows a most pitiful ambition in the fool that uses it. Go

make you ready.

 [Exeunt Players.]

Enter Kamek, Wario, and Waluigi. Music of Muda Kingdom from Super Mario Land.

How now, my lord? Will the King hear this piece of work?

Kamek. And the Queen too, and that presently.

Mario. Bid the players make haste, [Exit Kamek.] Will you two

 help to hasten them?

Wario. [with Waluigi] We will, my lord.

Exeunt they two.

Mario. What, ho, Horatio!

Enter Luigi.

Luigi. Here, sweet lord, at your service.

Mario. Horatio, thou art e'en as just a man

As e'er my conversation cop'd withal.

Luigi. O, my dear lord!

Mario. Nay, do not think I flatter;

 For what advancement may I hope from thee,

That no revenue hast but thy good spirits

To feed and clothe thee? Why should the poor be flatter'd?

No, let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp,

And crook the pregnant hinges of the knee

 Where thrift may follow fawning. Dost thou hear?

Since my dear soul was mistress of her choice

And could of men distinguish, her election

Hath seal'd thee for herself. For thou hast been

As one, in suff'ring all, that suffers nothing;

 A man that Fortune's buffets and rewards

Hast ta'en with equal thanks; and blest are those

Whose blood and judgment are so well commingled

That they are not a pipe for Fortune's finger

To sound what stop she please. Give me that man

 That is not passion's slave, and I will wear him

In my heart's core, ay, in my heart of heart,

As I do thee. Something too much of this I

There is a play to-night before the King.

One scene of it comes near the circumstance,

 Which I have told thee, of my father's death.

I prithee, when thou seest that act afoot,

Even with the very comment of thy soul

Observe my uncle. If his occulted guilt

Do not itself unkennel in one speech,

 It is a damned ghost that we have seen,

And my imaginations are as foul

As Vulcan's stithy. Give him heedful note;

For I mine eyes will rivet to his face,

And after we will both our judgments join

 In censure of his seeming.

Luigi. Well, my lord.

If he steal aught the whilst this play is playing,

And scape detecting, I will pay the theft.

Sound a flourish. Enter Trumpets and Kettledrums. Danish

 march. [nter Bowser, Peach, Wendy, Wario, Waluigi,

and other Lords attendant, with the Guard carrying torches. Commence character select screen from Super Mario Bros 2

Mario. They are coming to the play. I must be idle.

Get you a place.

Bowser. How fares our cousin Hamlet?

 Mario. Excellent, i' faith; of the chameleon's dish. I eat the air,

promise-cramm'd. You cannot feed capons so.

Bowser. I have nothing with this answer, Hamlet. These words are not

mine.

Mario. No, nor mine now. [To Kamek] My lord, you play'd once

 i' th' university, you say?

Kamek. That did I, my lord, and was accounted a good actor.

Mario. What did you enact?

Kamek. I did enact Julius Caesar; I was kill'd i' th' Capitol; Brutus

kill'd me.

 Mario. It was a brute part of him to kill so capital a calf there. Be

the players ready.

Wario. Ay, my lord. They stay upon your patience.

Peach. Come hither, my dear Hamlet, sit by me.

Mario. No, good mother. Here's metal more attractive.

Kamek. [to the King] O, ho! do you mark that?

Mario. Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

[Sits down at Wendy’s feet.]

Wendy. No, my lord.

Mario. I mean, my head upon your lap?

 Wendy. Ay, my lord.

Mario. Do you think I meant country matters?

Wendy. I think nothing, my lord.

Mario. That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

Wendy. What is, my lord?

 Mario. Nothing.

Wendy. You are merry, my lord.

Mario. Who, I?

Wendy. Ay, my lord.

Mario. O God, your only jig-maker! What should a man do but be merry?

 For look you how cheerfully my mother looks, and my father died

within 's two hours.

Wendy. Nay 'tis twice two months, my lord.

Mario. So long? Nay then, let the devil wear black, for I'll have a

suit of sables. O heavens! die two months ago, and not forgotten

  yet? Then there's hope a great man's memory may outlive his life

half a year. But, by'r Lady, he must build churches then; or else

shall he suffer not thinking on, with the hobby-horse, whose

epitaph is 'For O, for O, the hobby-horse is forgot!'

[Hautboys play. The dumb show enters.]

 Enter Wart and Rosalina very lovingly; Rosalina embracing

him and he her. She kneels, and makes show of protestation

unto him. He takes her up, and declines his head upon her

neck. He lays him down upon a bank of flowers. She, seeing

him asleep, leaves him. Anon comes in a fellow, takes off his

 crown, kisses it, pours poison in the sleeper's ears, and

leaves him. Rosalina returns, finds Wart dead, and makes

passionate action. Mallow with some three or four Mutes,

comes in again, seem to condole with her. The dead body is

carried away. Mallow wooes the Queen with gifts; she

 seems harsh and unwilling awhile, but in the end accepts

his love.

Exeunt.

Wendy. What means this, my lord?

Mario. Marry, this is miching malhecho; it means mischief.

 Wendy. Belike this show imports the argument of the play.

Enter Prologue. Cue Delfino Airstrip.

Mario. We shall know by this fellow. The players cannot keep counsel;

they'll tell all.

Wendy. Will he tell us what this show meant?

 Mario. Ay, or any show that you'll show him. Be not you asham'd to

show, he'll not shame to tell you what it means.

Wendy. You are naught, you are naught! I'll mark the play.

Pro. For us, and for our tragedy,

Here stooping to your clemency,

 We beg your hearing patiently. [Exit.]

Mario. Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring?

Wendy. 'Tis brief, my lord.

Mario. As woman's love.

Enter Wart and Rosalina

Wart. Full thirty times hath Phoebus' cart gone round

Neptune's salt wash and Tellus' orbed ground,

And thirty dozen moons with borrowed sheen

About the world have times twelve thirties been,

Since love our hearts, and Hymen did our hands,

 Unite comutual in most sacred bands.

Rosalina. So many journeys may the sun and moon

Make us again count o'er ere love be done!

But woe is me! you are so sick of late,

So far from cheer and from your former state.

 That I distrust you. Yet, though I distrust,

Discomfort you, my lord, it nothing must;

For women's fear and love holds quantity,

In neither aught, or in extremity.

Now what my love is, proof hath made you know;

  And as my love is siz'd, my fear is so.

Where love is great, the littlest doubts are fear;

Where little fears grow great, great love grows there.

Wart. Faith, I must leave thee, love, and shortly too;

My operant powers their functions leave to do.

 And thou shalt live in this fair world behind,

Honour'd, belov'd, and haply one as kind

For husband shalt thou-

Rosalina. O, confound the rest!

Such love must needs be treason in my breast.

 When second husband let me be accurst!

None wed the second but who killed the first.

Mario. [aside] Wormwood, wormwood!

Peach. The instances that second marriage move

Are base respects of thrift, but none of love.

 A second time I kill my husband dead

When second husband kisses me in bed.

Wart. I do believe you think what now you speak;

But what we do determine oft we break.

Purpose is but the slave to memory,

 Of violent birth, but poor validity;

Which now, like fruit unripe, sticks on the tree,

But fall unshaken when they mellow be.

Most necessary 'tis that we forget

To pay ourselves what to ourselves is debt.

 What to ourselves in passion we propose,

The passion ending, doth the purpose lose.

The violence of either grief or joy

Their own enactures with themselves destroy.

Where joy most revels, grief doth most lament;

 Grief joys, joy grieves, on slender accident.

This world is not for aye, nor 'tis not strange

That even our loves should with our fortunes change;

For 'tis a question left us yet to prove,

Whether love lead fortune, or else fortune love.

 The great man down, you mark his favourite flies,

The poor advanc'd makes friends of enemies;

And hitherto doth love on fortune tend,

For who not needs shall never lack a friend,

And who in want a hollow friend doth try,

 Directly seasons him his enemy.

But, orderly to end where I begun,

Our wills and fates do so contrary run

That our devices still are overthrown;

Our thoughts are ours, their ends none of our own.

 So think thou wilt no second husband wed;

But die thy thoughts when thy first lord is dead.

Rosalina. Nor earth to me give food, nor heaven light,

Sport and repose lock from me day and night,

To desperation turn my trust and hope,

 An anchor's cheer in prison be my scope,

Each opposite that blanks the face of joy

Meet what I would have well, and it destroy,

Both here and hence pursue me lasting strife,

If, once a widow, ever I be wife!

 Mario. If she should break it now!

Wart. 'Tis deeply sworn. Sweet, leave me here awhile.

My spirits grow dull, and fain I would beguile

The tedious day with sleep.

Rosalina. Sleep rock thy brain,

 [He sleeps.]

Rosalina. And never come mischance between us twain!

Exit.

Mario. Madam, how like you this play?

Peach. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

 Mario. O, but she'll keep her word.

Bowser. Have you heard the argument? Is there no offence in't?

Mario. No, no! They do but jest, poison in jest; no offence i' th'

world.

Bowser. What do you call the play?

 Mario. 'The Mousetrap.' Marry, how? Tropically. This play is the

image of a murther done in Vienna. Gonzago is the duke's name;

his wife, Baptista. You shall see anon. 'Tis a knavish piece of

work; but what o' that? Your Majesty, and we that have free

souls, it touches us not. Let the gall'd jade winch; our withers

 are unwrung. Enter Mallow.

This is one Lucianus, nephew to the King.

Wendy. You are as good as a chorus, my lord.

Hamlet. I could interpret between you and your love, if I could see

the puppets dallying.

 Wendy. You are keen, my lord, you are keen.

Mario. It would cost you a groaning to take off my edge.

Wendy. Still better, and worse.

Mario. So you must take your husbands.- Begin, murtherer. Pox, leave

thy damnable faces, and begin! Come, the croaking raven doth

 bellow for revenge.

Mallow. Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing; Confederate season, else no creature seeing; Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected, With Hecate's ban thrice blasted, thrice infected, Thy natural magic and dire property On wholesome life usurp immediately.

Pours the poison in his ears. Play The Sword Descends and The Stars Scatter from Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars

Mario. He poisons him i' th' garden for's estate. His name's Gonzago.

The story is extant, and written in very choice Italian. You

 shall see anon how the murtherer gets the love of Gonzago's wife.

Peach. The King rises.

Mario. What, frighted with false fire?

Peach. How fares my lord?

Kamek. Give o'er the play.

 Bowser. Give me some light! Away!

All. Lights, lights, lights!

Exeunt all but Mario and Luigi. Cue underground music from Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island.

Mario. Why, let the strucken deer go weep,

The hart ungalled play;

 For some must watch, while some must sleep:

Thus runs the world away.

Would not this, sir, and a forest of feathers- if the rest of my

fortunes turn Turk with me-with two Provincial roses on my raz'd

shoes, get me a fellowship in a cry of players, sir?

 Luigi. Half a share.

Mario. A whole one I!

For thou dost know, O Damon dear,

This realm dismantled was

Of Jove himself; and now reigns here

 A very, very- pajock.

Luigi. You might have rhym'd.

Mario. O good Horatio, I'll take the ghost's word for a thousand

pound! Didst perceive?

Luigi. Very well, my lord.

 Mario. Upon the talk of the poisoning?

Luigi. I did very well note him.

Mario. Aha! Come, some music! Come, the recorders!

For if the King like not the comedy,

Why then, belike he likes it not, perdy.

 Come, some music!

Enter Wario and Waluigi.

Waluigi. Good my lord, vouchsafe me a word with you.

Mario. Sir, a whole history.

Waluigi. The King, sir-

 Mario. Ay, sir, what of him?

Waluigi. Is in his retirement, marvellous distemper'd.

Mario. With drink, sir?

Waluigi. No, my lord; rather with choler.

Mario. Your wisdom should show itself more richer to signify this to

 the doctor; for me to put him to his purgation would perhaps

plunge him into far more choler.

Waluigi. Good my lord, put your discourse into some frame, and start

not so wildly from my affair.

Mario. I am tame, sir; pronounce.

 Waluigi. The Queen, your mother, in most great affliction of spirit

hath sent me to you.

Mario. You are welcome.

Waluigi. Nay, good my lord, this courtesy is not of the right breed.

If it shall please you to make me a wholesome answer, I will do

 your mother's commandment; if not, your pardon and my return

shall be the end of my business.

Mario. Sir, I cannot.

Waluigi. What, my lord?

Mario. Make you a wholesome answer; my wit's diseas'd. But, sir, such

 answer as I can make, you shall command; or rather, as you say,

my mother. Therefore no more, but to the matter! My mother, you

say-

Wario. Then thus she says: your behaviour hath struck her into

amazement and admiration.

 Mario. O wonderful son, that can so stonish a mother! But is there no

sequel at the heels of this mother's admiration? Impart.

Wario. She desires to speak with you in her closet ere you go to bed.

Hamlet. We shall obey, were she ten times our mother. Have you any

further trade with us?

 Wario. My lord, you once did love me.

Mario. And do still, by these pickers and stealers!

Wario. Good my lord, what is your cause of distemper? You do surely

bar the door upon your own liberty, if you deny your griefs to

your friend.

 Mario. Sir, I lack advancement.

Wario. How can that be, when you have the voice of the King himself

for your succession in Denmark?

Mario. Ay, sir, but 'while the grass grows'- the proverb is something

musty.

 [Enter Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong with recorders. ]

O, the recorders! Let me see one. To withdraw with you- why do

you go about to recover the wind of me, as if you would drive me

into a toil?

Guildenstern. O my lord, if my duty be too bold, my love is too unmannerly.

 Mario. I do not well understand that. Will you play upon this pipe?

Waluigi. My lord, I cannot.

Mario. I pray you.

Waluigi. Believe me, I cannot.

Mario. I do beseech you.

 Waluigi. I know, no touch of it, my lord.

Mario. It is as easy as lying. Govern these ventages with your

fingers and thumbs, give it breath with your mouth, and it will

discourse most eloquent music. Look you, these are the stops.

Waluigi. But these cannot I command to any utt'rance of harmony. I

 have not the skill.

Mario. Why, look you now, how unworthy a thing you make of me! You

would play upon me; you would seem to know my stops; you would

pluck out the heart of my mystery; you would sound me from my

lowest note to the top of my compass; and there is much music,

 excellent voice, in this little organ, yet cannot you make it

speak. 'Sblood, do you think I am easier to be play'd on than a

pipe? Call me what instrument you will, though you can fret me,

you cannot play upon me.

[Enter Kamek.]

God bless you, sir!

Kamek. My lord, the Queen would speak with you, and presently.

Mario. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?

Kamek. By th' mass, and 'tis like a camel indeed.

Mario. Methinks it is like a weasel.

 Kamek. It is back'd like a weasel.

Mario. Or like a whale.

Kamek. Very like a whale.

Mario. Then will I come to my mother by-and-by.- They fool me to the

top of my bent.- I will come by-and-by.

 Kamek. I will say so. Exit.

Mario. 'By-and-by' is easily said.- Leave me, friends.

Exeunt all but Mario. Tune from Corona Mountain reverberates.

'Tis now the very witching time of night,

When churchyards yawn, and hell itself breathes out

 Contagion to this world. Now could I drink hot blood

And do such bitter business as the day

Would quake to look on. Soft! now to my mother!

O heart, lose not thy nature; let not ever

The soul of Nero enter this firm bosom.

 Let me be cruel, not unnatural;

I will speak daggers to her, but use none.

My tongue and soul in this be hypocrites-

How in my words somever she be shent,

To give them seals never, my soul, consent! Exit.