#saves me so much grief
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pocket practice. one of the only other heroes i play
#deadlock#deadlock valve#deadlock game#pocket deadlock#art#fetch's art#thank god for source viewer 2 letting me look at these fuckers from any angle#saves me so much grief
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Happy Birthday to Fallen London; My favourite British people beefing it with bats simulator.
#fallen london#ambition: nemesis#mr.cups#Happy belated birthday to me: I finished my Nemesis ambition. I get to make a fun comic about it. THAT WAS THE DEAL!!!#...Is what I would have said had I not spent *four* days trying to draw a cool dramatic comic. This is all I have to show for it.#I also missed posting this on the Flondon anniversary so I'm double Smad and frustippointed at myself.#This is niche content but I know there are flondoners following me who will understand.#I had to make a second account because all my friends who I played with *also* picked Nemesis and dropped the game at various gates.#I failed every possible check at Knifegate. I was on the verge of madness. And yet I still love this game.#Little known secret about me: over 70% of the blogs I follow on tumblr are flondon rp blogs.#The cool art and character lore brings me a lot of joy!#With that said; what the hell is the coincidence that right as I finish Nemesis -#The flondon community starts a Nemesis Race.#Guys. it’s not worth it. It is a revenge quest about losing everything you have to see your task through.#All to culminate in the discovering that you are beefing it with a fanfiction writing bat.#That said; I do feel like this story was very satisfying for my melancholic doctor.#I knew I would get the choice between sparing or killing my nemesis (the bat) and I had a long time to think it through.#Someone who wants to save lives and (does as much as possible to do make things better for others) choosing against mercy?#Someone who never permitted themselves to let the city truly become a home because they were not a person - they were a tool for grief.#Alright..Yeah the ending was really good.#I will be back with a part two. Clearly I'm tenacious enough to commit to what I started.#If I am not excommunicated on sight by the flondon community I will be back with comics for the other ambitions.
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"Maybe I needed it once. But I trained here, with The Flying Graysons, before I trained with you, Bruce. You know what the key is to a good trapeze act? Letting go...trusting that there's someone on the other side to catch you. You taught me a lot. But I learned from them to leap into the light. We're not the same, don't you see, Bruce? I had you." -Detective Comics #1074
hang on a minute y'all, I need to go scream into the abyss
#Dick saying that he doesn't need Bruce's coping mechanisms because Bruce helped him the way he was never helped himself....😭#I simply do not care that this is a hallucination THEY'RE EVERYTHING TO ME#Bruce saved Dick. He succeeded! He ensured that Dick wouldn't be another 8-year-old Bruce Wayne swearing vengeance in an alley!#and Dick saves him every single day just by being there and being a constant light in his life#to the point where he's just hallucinating Dick telling him that while on the mental road trip from hell#they're so fucked up. they hurt each other and heal each other and support each other through everything and cause each other so much grief#NO ONE is doing it like them!#dick grayson#bruce wayne#dc comics#dick grayson meta
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what's so interesting is that agatha and nicky clearly had their cons well-oiled, and at the end it seems they even started turning their song into a part of it as well, like i don't think that was the first time nicky sang that song for an audience and they used it to lure witches (i do think it's the first time that it /technically/ didn't work), and how after nicky died it continued to gain popularity and be so well-known it became a legend, and along with that agatha being known as the only survivor of the road and people (like billy) seeking her out to walk it or just for knowledge of it. and i think that had been the idea when they first started using it as a con. making it so they no longer had to travel and scavenge, using it as a lure to bring the witches to them in order to keep nicky alive, but only one small misstep and rio got him anyway
and then thinking about how lorna, who had a generational curse placed upon her family that is going to kill both her and her daughter and who desperately wants to see her daughter survive, heard this song and created her own version to use as a protection spell for her daughter and, like agatha did before her, she made her version so well-known and so popular that years and years after death it's still protecting her daughter, until ultimately her daughter was finally able to use it to break the curse and save herself
idk just.. they're like two sides of the same coin, or distorted mirrors of each other
agathas love was so powerful and so strong that death gave nicky time
lornas love was so powerful and so strong that the ballad gave alice time and even freed her
if nicky hadnt been taken that night, could it have eventually freed him as well? rio said agatha used the dark magic of the darkhold to hide herself from rio, so was that the end goal? they'd continue to lure witches to both keep nicky alive and to have agatha become powerful enough to forever keep them hidden?
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#agatha harkness#nicholas scratch#alice wu gulliver#lorna wu#txt#me before the finale: and i'll save this song to use the lyrics to make gifsets of agatha x rio since i'll finally have more scenes to use#me after the finale: lorna/alice and agatha/nicholas parallels let's goooo#and there's something so poetic about how alice died too#like the song worked for her in ways it could never have worked for nicky#the song saved her like it never could nicky and like it was supposed to for nicky#and ultimately she dies the same as all the witches who had been drained to keep nicky living#do you think instead of just a loss of control agathas grief and bitterness chose to take from alice#because why should what was meant to save nicky save her instead?#i wonder if that moment when she watches it fizzle does she think of lorna?#does hearing nicky's voice allow her to see the similarities from a different perspective instead of through her grief#through her love of her son and connect it to lorna's love of her daughter? their struggle was the same for as much as it was different#idk it's just... agatha was planning to drain them from the start#why was /this/ one different. why did she have that look on her face after#especially after being confronted with her own mother who would have seen her die
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@theminecraftbee ‘s ficlets about Decked Out eating Tango have been living in my head rent free so here’s a little post-do thing of my own.
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“The server resets tonight.”
It’s been just over two months since Decked Out finished. Just over two months since anyone has seen or heard from Tango.
Zed knows what happened. Not the details. And he certainly couldn’t explain it to anyone else. But he knows.
And the gnawing feeling of guilt has kept him coming back to the dungeon. Every day.
Decked Out is asleep. Zed can walk through the citadel without a desperate need to throw himself to the ravengers. He can even wander below, into the redstone, without being electrocuted to death. Maybe it’s dead, but Zed doubts it. He knows it’s just sleeping. Eventually, it will wake up. It will be hungry and will lure whoever enters this world into its depths.
Maybe that’s when Tango will wake up too.
Zed won’t be here to see it.
“Who knows when you’ll be able to eat again?”
His voice is quiet but he knows the whole dungeon can hear him. He plays with the clasp on his gas mask. Tango’s storage room, where he lays on the dusty floor, has enough oxygen flowing through it still to allow him to breathe without the mask, though he’s already getting a bit of a headache. He’ll put the mask back on soon. Eventually.
“One last snack?”
He’s offered the dungeon himself hundreds of times these past few months. As a player, when it was live, hoping to spark a bit of his friend’s life back into him. Then after. Hoping for something. For a glimpse of flickering blue flame and wide eyes that had long since given up pretending to see.
There’s quiet.
There’s so much guilt in the quiet.
Don’t worry, Zed. Just a few months. Not too big of a project.
All good here. With level one done, the rest will go a lot quicker.
Yeah, level three got away from me a bit. Level four will be smaller, don’t worry.
Audio needed to be reworked, you know how it is. Soon.
Just tired, lost track of time last night.
Not too much longer now.
Don’t worry, I’ll be back to normal when the game’s done. Promise.
Did Tango know he was lying?
Zed is well aware that what he’s doing isn’t good for him. It’s ironic, how Tango pulled away from everyone, to eventually disappear in this cave. And now Zed’s doing the same thing.
It was always Tango pulling Zed out. Into the sun for a stupid game or a ridiculous project. So it makes sense that without him, Zed can’t bring himself to leave the hole.
“I could break more redstone.” Zed offers the dungeon. “Really get you mad.”
He’d done that. About two weeks after Decked Out went dormant. He hadn’t gotten a reaction at the time. But the next day, everything was repaired.
That had spurred Zed into doing a stakeout. Break some stuff, sit and wait until the dungeon brought Tango out to fix it.
Zed had died down in the redstone, waiting. It hadn’t been a pleasant death.
That’s when Impulse had stepped in, staging his own intervention. But all it had done is make Zed feel more guilty.
An intervention for the guy who failed to do an intervention when Tango needed it most.
See? Ironic.
His head is starting to pound. He puts his mask back on.
“I want my friend back, you stupid castle,” He says through the mask. The dungeon understands him anyways.
He won’t be getting Tango back. He’s known that for much longer than he can admit.
Time passes. His phone dings a few times. It’s just the others. Making preparations. The server resets in just a few hours.
“Was it worth it?” Zed asks. “Not you, dumb dungeon. I’m asking Tango. Was it worth it? Did you make this choice? Did you know the consequences?”
Silence.
“Did you ever consider saying goodbye?”
The thing is? Tango was saying goodbye. In the only way he could. It was in the heartfelt artifacts crafted for each hermit. It was in his own voice, echoing words throughout the dungeon long after his own voice left him. It was in every ounce of the game.
None of them saw it until it was too late.
Zed stands. He has to be at spawn soon. He has stuff to pack. He has his own hole in the ground to say goodbye to.
He takes the long way out. Up into the main room of the citadel.
There’s a small part of him that hopes to see a glint of Tango. That’s what’s supposed to happen, right? A little wisp of blue fire. A soft voice. A gust of wind blowing a loose piece of paper across the floor. Something he can look at and be comforted by.
Nothing happens.
Zed knows that Tango’s gone.
He stands at the door. It’s open just a crack, just like he left it.
The night is clear.
“Goodbye, Tango.”
#second: its a horror story about losing yourself and being forced to accept it#me: a tragedy about not being able to say goodbye got it#also like????? in a world where death is meaningless??? THIS? THAT TYPE OF GRIEF??? HOW WOULD YOU DEAL#my 'tango is eaten by his base' hcs are a bit different from theirs but idc the vibe is very much the same#for a bit of horror that i couldn't squeeze in#i imagine that tango (as in like his physical body) is asleep somewhere in the redstone#its just impossible for anyone to find#yes the dungeon did that on purpose so none of those other stupid hermits can try and 'save him'#also idk how it would work in-world but everyone who will be playing decked out on the world download?#food for the dungeon#glitch talks#hermitcraft#tangotek#hermitfic
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Saw some folks point out that Lilly was most likely like the youngest in the Alliance, since her dad fought alongside Libby, Ray, and Maya in the War.
Consider, Even if this is more of me throwing a little bit of AU out there: Her father dies when she's twelve, and wanting to keep all the elemental masters together, Wu and Garmadon bring her into the Elemental Alliance, knowing that she already had the powers of Earth.
The other elemental masters freak out because,,, *points* that is a CHILD.
But they also understand that if she was left to her own devices (her mother passed when she was really little) then she could put herself or others in grave danger with her powers.
They absolutely deck little Lilly out in impressive weapons and battle armor.
Now here we go into heavy headcanons/au territory.
With Libby being the second youngest EM in the group, her and Lilly form a close bond.
Like her parents, Ed and Edna, Libby is great at creating things. She LOVES building- mechs, especially. With Libbys help, Lilly's first mech (the one donated to TOS I've decided) was created.
Yes they may have gone all out on safety features on the mech, but would you completely trust a twelve year old with a very large elemental mech?
One day she brings over a boy. Wu and Garmadon are WORRIED because the boy is NOT an elemental master, he doesn't even know anything about fighting. She is sixteen and could punch the head clean off someone's shoulders with her powers...
These two are worried the most because they personally made it their mission to make sure the EMs were ot being hunted or used for their powers. So, bringing in a non EM into the fold was deemed risky.
They of course warm up to Lou, who thinks Lilly is the coolest person in the world and he learns basic self defense from her.
The EM Alliance falls apart when she is only 20 . *I say that bc everyone looks like they may be in their 50's, mid-late 50's after the Merge With Lilly being a decade younger well .. she would've been a decade younger at least :/*
She gets sick after she defeats Grief-Bringer. It wasn't bad at first, she honestly just thought she may have caught a cold. Also yes, in my headcanons and AUs Cole has been born when she goes to Shintaro. I have another post going into an au-headcanon mashup (I say headcanons because it isn't necessarily disproved by canon) that I kinda want to write about some day.
Knowing she was going to get worse, she started working on making sure Cole was prepared to become the next Master of Earth. When she was feeling well enough she would leave the house (unfortunately she also didn't tell Lou where she was going most of the time fidjxjsjshd)
Refused to pass on afterwards and instead keeps an eye on her family. Is the reason SOMEONE survives stuff that he shouldn't have.
Fun Facts about Lilly!!! That are canon in my stories!!!
- She is a realm hopper. Yes this is based on the fact that she apparently spied on Garmadon while he was in the Underworld in that one comic. I haven't read it but you know. I want to do something with that knowledge.
- she isn't in the Departed Realm especially after the Merge. She's trying to keep an eye on Cole while trying to find her husband and her friends. She found Wu first, of course. And with Wu, she found Garmadon. Before the Merge she would switch between watching over Lou and Cole.
- She is the only Previous EM of Ninjago to participate in the TOS, which may or may not be canon. I say this bc of that outfit and you know... The mech....
-Cole is 9, she is 29 when she dies. Also it's freaking sad because ain't no way Ray and Maya knew this until almost a decade later. Wu keeps a close eye on him and Lou afterwards. You know since he was canonically there for his birth hello??? *According to the comic*
- fun fact about me it literally took me 6 hours to write all this in one setting bc I was at work. Lilly did this to me.
Also, if there are any timeline problems that aren't just me pushing it for the AU tell me about it so I can fix it please I don't want it to be too off the course!!!
I think that's it for now,,,
#“shes the youngest out of all of us weve gotta protect her!” dies young anyway despite everything shes went through#i will be adding more to this and maybe even explain my story that takes place during the previous EMs timeline#anyway she makes me sad#continue haunting the narrative please maam#you're literally saving your son by doing so#ninjago#dragons rising#Ninjago Lilly#i deleted a lot that made this sadder btw but may still add it in another post#anyway i wonder how she felt going on all those solo missions like that.#*eyes the comic and Grief Bringer*#Ninjago spoilers#oh yeah i DO bring up s2p2 so uh tagging spoilers#Ninjago Cole#Cole Brookstone#Lou Brookstone#i wish i could art because now i want a little Lilly decked out in armor that is way too much for her#while the other EMs look at her holding bubble wrap#listen the second youngest is 19#the oldest not counting Wu and Garmadon is almost 100#yes it is the Previous EM of Ice.#Yes EMs DO have extended life spans. its just rare that they live past like their 20's in the first place#I THINK I TAGGED ALL OF THIS
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"I'm doing you a favor. I couldn't leave you there looking all pathetic. Take a seat."
"Oh, I wish I didn't know you."
#and once again dr. bones mccoy saves the day#this scene had me rolling the first time i saw it and it still does#poor jim lmao he's in so much pain <3#the dialogue in this entire sequence is absolute comedy gold#star trek aos#kelvin timeline#mckirk#fuck yeah dr mccoy#doctor mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#chief medical officer of the enterprise ladies and gents#kirk just went through all the stages of grief at once
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the scully of fight the future who doesn’t want a career in the bureau at all if she can’t do it with him. who debated even telling him that she’s quitting in person, and feels like her loss won’t even make a difference: he doesn’t need her, she only holds him back. the scully who doesn’t even make it to the elevator. the way that as soon as he starts speaking, she goes silent. she can’t even respond. this is not a debate. tears just pour down her face, as he tells her that she owes nothing. that she has made her favorite person, a “whole” person. that she has saved him “a thousand times over.” and she stays completely silent. all she can do is cry, and hold him, and kiss his forehead. how small she must feel sometimes…being dragged from one spot to the next, following along. the way her face just collapses as she moves from holding onto his shoulder to pull him down to her. he breaks her open sometimes.
#she believes in him so much and she thinks he can save the world even if she moves on. and he’s so frustrated he’s almost angry#as he just spits out at her that she’s the entire reason he’s here.#‘i owe you EVERYTHING. scully…and you owe me nothing.’#from the person she believed in so much she nearly lost her life to follow him!! whom she looked up to from her deathbed#and said take EVERYTHING i have left!!! my dignity my reputation my dying breaths take it ALL!!!#her ahab!!#and she owes nothing. she is everything. she matters.#and she’s been going back/forth with him every day for 5 years but she is rendered with nothing to say.#nothing to do but cry and hold him and hold him and hold him#make him bow his head to her so she can kiss it and try to absolve him. like he did her in that hospital hallway.#so much grief in being needed#it just says so much that the only time she ever considers leaving him is because she thinks SHE is bad for HIM.#and he tells her……i cannot do it without you. but i expect nothing from you anyway.#and being told she’s needed by her best friend reduces her to tears. no wonder.#txf.txt#ftf
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Thinking about the convolution of Eleventh Doctor's expressions of love for River Song in Season 7B. He does not trust Clara. He is utterly (wrongly) convinced that he and Clara are playing a grand manipulative game together. “What are you, eh?! A trick? A trap?!!”
So naturally, the last thing he should do in this game is to clue his opponent in on something that could be used to hurt him. Something like River, so painfully near the end of their time together, whose data ghost he can always see, who “it would hurt too much” to acknowledge. He can't let Clara know of the loss which constantly floods his senses; (“You are always here to me. And I always listen, and I can always see you,” he professes, once Clara has vanished into his timestream).
And yet. River fills his every moment (irregardless of any sneaking out for dates with increasingly-young Rivers while Clara is asleep like he did while the Ponds slept, which would explain his absence when the TARDIS is hiding Clara's bedroom). Even though it's not strategic, he can’t help but tell Clara about her. The best defense he can manage is to phrase it as if River isn’t as important to him as she is. Not only is avoiding her first name in his grief; he's also completely avoiding pronouns; which seems extreme given that he's still mentioning her as often as: “Oh yeah, of course he has! Professor Song! Sorry, it's just I never realized you were a woman.”
Leave out the emotion — leave out the details — don't show the cracks in the armor — play the part — win the game.
“Well, there's no point now. We're about to die. JUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.”
#I mean we KNOW that the doctor immediately started pouring his hearts out to Clara as soon as NotD ended <3#Clara tells the war doctor “he's always talking about the day he did it” okay so he's always talking about it starting after the prev ep#eleventh doctor#river song#clara oswald#words by seaweed#yeah I know the implication in Name of the Doctor is that eleven is two-timing them / worried abt Clara being jealous. which. eh. maybe.#but I like this better. also both things can be true if we want them to be#eleven is in SUCH a bad way in Season 7B too he needs to be held#“I thought it would hurt too much and I was right” ever think about how Clara was there for in the deepest moments of his grief?#whether his sad victorian cloud… on the Last Day… or on the day he was finally able to say Rivers name. he thought it would hurt too much#Tia made a really insightful post recently about how eleven can’t speak rivers name when she's gone and like. god. yeah.#it also made me think about. who would he even talk to River about? if he could? after years on a cloud drowning in her present nonpresence#ever think how if HoRS had happened before Hell Bent he never could've dealt with it and coulda broke the universe for River instead#Series 9 was a continuation/escelation of eleven's (and next twelve's) “he hates endings” - endings for Amy and Rory. for River. for Clara.#he hit rock bottom. and then Clara saved him#“You said memories become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become Songs.”#thank you Clara <3#one episode later:#“When the wind stands fair and the night is perfect when you least expect it but always when you need it the most- there is a Song.”#bc this is NOT to undervalue the Doctor's love for Clara he has a Duty of Care she's more Breakable than him (also than river!)#but it can it really be a coincidence? bc he is talking abt river in the second one. unless Moffat is obsessed with Song imagery? I MEAN
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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I miss my dad.
I miss my aunt.
Today has been so hard.
This weekend has been so hard.
#grief#kiki shouts into the void#this weekend has been so hard#at least with dad we had some time to come to terms. to say goodbye#this was so sudden#we were supposed to talk on the phone yesterday#she was gonna visit after thanksgiving#which#while sometimes it was fraught#it didn’t matter#none of that fucking mattered#i would let her rearrange my room to her heart’s content#i’d let her talk to me however she wanted#just to have her talk again at all#i have shawls that are half done for her. yarn that was earmarked for her#we had a pile of presents waiting to be sent#saved for christmas#had sent them a subscription box of fun things to eat.#it arrived there sat#we texted almost every day in the family group chat#i keep pulling up our thread to share something anf then i remember#i went to share a knitting project with her#and i can’t#we had plans to see a show in jan#we had plans for camping in the summer#that is going to be so hard#there were bad times. yes. some things were very difficult sometimes.#but i also laughed so much. and even if things were difficult she was ALWAYS in my corner#i’m just. so sad rn#i miss her
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#thinking of dinosaurs and troodontids were my favorite dinosaurs as a child#when younger i had a real full troodontid tooth fossil that meant a lot to me#for a time we lived within a few kilometers of hadrosaur sites and troodontid sites#while wider general area had many sites of recovery for the big celebrities like tyrannosaur and multiple dromaeosaurs#at that time troodontids were kinda infamous for i think the depiction in some childrens field guides and dino books#which depicted like a fantasy speculative humanoid troodontid based on 1980s model at Canadian Museum of Nature in ottawa#anyway would visit a small local paleo center a lot and woman in her 70s or 80s ran the counter of their center and rock shop#one day she asked me what my fave dino was and i said troodon so she pulled out the tooth and just gifted it to me#in little black case size of ring box with padding and transparent plastic viewing cover kinda like laminate for displaying a trading card#tooth got stolen from out my vehicle while giving some people a ride while at university before i got too poor for tuition#later during first year of pandemic owner of my storage unit died and new property owners threw away everything i ever owned#i was homeless anyway lost job due to early pandemic closures and had to allocate any money to insulin and other prescrip meds#but wouldve found a way to save my things if the new owners had contacted me#they threw out photoalbums y backpacking gear y books y musical instruments y clothes y artwork y camera y all family keepsakes#and all childhood treasures like souvenirs and gifts and school awards and writing portfolios and all the little memories#which i was always sentimental about as child#from earliest age my room looked like a natural history museum with plants and maps and library of field guides#and rocks and field trip keepsakes and all kinds of little animal figurines and mother had painted room in forest greens and browns#to feel like a forest and among the succulent plants and a globe sat the troodon tooth#parents passed when i was a child#never near any family and were always moving never got to settle into proper stable place then father passed after long sad illness#and mother put in so much effort but she passed few years later and i could not take care of myself or my remaining material possessions#and so im still quite hurt having nothing whatsoever remaining of my childhood or school friends or mother or life generally#and when trying to process grief my thoughts often come back to the troodontid tooth as a focal point a distillation of what was lost#even when young i knew it was advised not to become too connected to material physical possessions#but still there are some small little trinkets in our lives that seem to hold so much meaning and i tortured myself for losing that tooth#thinking about troodon reminds me of childhood
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also slowly turning around in my brain how rose said she was going to stay with the doctor forever, and then later donna says the same thing (to martha!! the doctor doesnt even hear or know!!! it would make him so happy but hurt him so much if he did!!!!!!), and then when she tells the doctor shes going home in sontaran stratagem he immediately assumes it means shes leaving him for good and accepts it but also launches into all the things he still wanted to show her.
and i know its played for a joke like haha silly martian thats not what i meant! but this is the same man who, when he needed to turn human, loved someone SO DEEP AND HARD that he didnt think he'd ever fall in love again. ever. even with his memory erased. so when you take that moment of "oh you're just popping home for a visit" and like ACTUALLY look at it you're like. this man gets so so so attached to people, and is so incredibly scarred by losing these people he loves that he has no choice but to let them go when they want to leave on good terms, because he knows how bad it could get for them if they stay, no matter how much he wants them to stay.
anyway donna's forever and rose's forever are just different flavors of the same "i need you as much as you need me, so im in it for the long haul, bad stuff included" and its chefs kiss
#doctor who#dw#nuwho#donna noble#rose tyler#tenth doctor#by me#dont skip nine#i just. i have so many thoughts about donna i cant even get them all down#ill probably need another post about this#but i just LOVE how much she takes those classic Rose Things and turns them on their heads#donna travels with the doctor bc she has nothing else just like rose did#but while rose traveled so he wouldnt be lonely and through that company he learned to be humane#donna travels with him to keep him humane and through that company he starts to heal from his grief of being lonely#if that makes sense#when rose was there he always did things for HER and it was so dangerous for both of them and scarred them more than it could have#and now with donna its like nah man do it for THEM. you cant live for your companions. you gotta live for you and the people you save#ok i think im done now
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is episode 8 the domitian arc ? more on this and EVEN MORE narratives i’ve been ignoring that the show said “actually,,,” about in 5
#hermes staying domitian’s hand… hermes’ face a flash of discomfort when he was torturing tenax… hmm. character growth.#WHAT WAS THAT HERMES. WHAT WAS THAT LOOK. NO GIRL GET BACK HERE I CANNOT ALSO DO THIS NARRATIVE OF YOU NO LONGER ABLE TO PULL HIM BACK FROM#THE BRINK OF HIS CRUELTY WATCHING HIM CHANGE AND SEEKING OUT SOMEONE ELSE IN HIS NEED AND FEAR AND ANGST. NO BABY GIRLLLL#I DON’T WANT TO WRITE A HERMES POINT OF VIEWWWW OF THE SIX YEARS HE SPENT WATCHING DOMITIAN BLOOMMMM INTO HIS POWER AND CORRUPTTTT because.#correct me if i’m wrong but in that very first scene that was a young hermes in the white right he watched domitian give his speech and saw#his father to truly see him the whole time as hermes has seen his brilliance.#NO I ALSO SAW THAT GUARD’S HEAD FOLLOW HERMES oh i hate it here. you know what i also hate? i need domitian to be successful for tenax#but also i do kinda like titus… NOOOOOO NO KILLING TITUS DOMITIAN I JUST SAID I LIKED HIM!!!! DOMITIAN!!!#oh. ohhhh no. OH NOOOO okay listen we can redeem this. we can have the whole turning point of the narrative be domitian’s mercy of hermes#the ultimate staying of his hand. proving he’s not entirely gone that hermes & his love still means something. do i think this will happen#no absolutely not. before he can kill his brother domitian has to kill the only other living person he loves perhaps more than titus if he#could ever realize it. (a brief interlude to yell LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO HI IRIS) domitian… please spare him… OH WAIT HELLO THE BLOOD!!#ALSO a brief interlude to say i knew it was coming but ELIA’S SPEECH ABOUT LOVING INCITATUS??? I WAS ON THIS INCITATUS SHIT WITH THE LITTLE#NOD THEY HAD WHERE SCORPUS CALLED HIM TO BEAT XENON OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! elia’s going to crush him. incitatus won’t listen.#scorpus is going to die twice once when they call elia’s name instead of his and then the second time when the scorpion bites him again#(he kills himself and tenax finds him. sorry to give everyone absolutely maximum damage here but uh. that’s how i can see it going down)#or alternatively worse: after killing titus who at times he loves and hates in equal measure (if y’all don’t think I have some UNHINGED#brothers quotes. we’ll keep mum here about why but suffice to say it is. relevant to other fandoms. and thus i have a Collection) the last#thing domitian has to do is kill hermes. and this one is both out of betrayal but also love because I think somewhere in here titus’ queen#berenice plays a role because domitian’s hatred of the jews probably comes to play a role and I think titus would show up and protect her#like Domitian engineers some kind of a situation where in theory titus could escape alive or beat him but he can’t do that & save berenice#and so of course he saved berenice. or she dies in his arms and he goes mad with grief and any way you put it berenice is the trap & titus#happily crawls into the lion’s mouth to save her for love of her etc and domitian sees him die for it. he gives titus every chance to come#back to him to work with him to be what he wants him to be and he always chooses himself he chooses love and domitian can’t understand even#when it makes him weak. and then he sees hermes dirty and emaciated and still terribly terribly beautiful and feels such a pang of longing#and love that he decides he has to die because he (domitian) cannot be weak. he cannot have any of it. also giving domitian worse paranoia#than he already has because if you kill your brother the one person who should always love you—support you—who can build me a new brother—#you’ve gotta generate some MAJOR issues. namely trust issues. and if he kills hermes they’ll be even worse. so like ideally To Me domitian#wouldn’t kill him but i do very much see the symbolism of cutting off his last earthly tie & desire to ascend to the divine imperial throne#those about to die
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Not to be extreme but dear God hold onto hope.
Things will be better one day. People will sing and dance in colorful clothes under dazzling lights again. A parent will rock their child to sleep on a quiet night again. A grandparent will teach their grandchild to cook a family recipe again. People will laugh and cry and love and grieve in the most mundane of ways once more. This will happen no matter what you believe, but hoping and believing in such things will ease your heart and kindle your resolve to see it within your lifetime. Have hope, and you will give life to the world you hope to see.
#ra speaks#personal#current events#okay to reblog btw it’s easy to fall into despair with the news of late but do not surrender your hope#hey so like. had a kinda bad breakdown last night. for personal reasons and *gestures* my deep rooted sense of justice as an autistic human#and I saved the first line of this post as a draft while crying at 10 PM#and not much has changed today but. I am secure in my hope for a better world. my belief in justice for those wronged.#maybe not tonight. maybe not tomorrow. but soon - one day - I will see celebrations of life and love and home for a people torn asunder#I can’t do much. I want to do more than sit safe and cry out for those who have lost their voices to the violence#I’m angry. I’m grieving. but most importantly I’m imbued with hope and love. it’s the least I can do.#and most days it will be all I can do. and should the opportunity arise to do more I will take hold of it with both hands until it burns me#the very same way hope now burns in my heart with the complete conviction that there will be justice and reckoning for these crimes#anyways. my blood sugar is low I forgot to eat dinner. have hope and feed it with the anger and grief you cannot act on now.#vocational woes
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youtube
Man.
there's just something about the love between a woman whose impending death is inevitable and a man who's an immortal undead...
#bg3 spoilers#thoughts about media#starlach is so beautiful but so fucking tragic#apparently you cannot save karlach as astarion unless you've ascended#you cannot join her in avernus as a spawn :(#bro and it kills me karlach has been unwillingly celibate for 10 years#but that doesn't matter. she loves astarion SO MUCH she just wants to be with him. however she can.#AND THE FUCKING KISSES????? dude she is SOOO gentle with him!!!!!!!!#makes me think of this one short french film. which is obv a bit different from karlach and astarion's romance.#but it's still about valuing the love you have while it's there. because it can be lost so so easily.#basically a husband is cheating on his wife but then his wife falls terminally ill. and so he takes care of her.#and while taking care of her he realises just how much he loves her. he stops seeing the other woman. and stays with his wife to the end.#just the devotion he shows her in her remaining time alive and then the final shot where he's alone and just. dumbstruck with grief....#I saw this film years ago and it still sits with me. it was so beautiful and tragic. very french! lmao.#just makes me think of starlach in a way though. like the beauty of that limited time karlach and astarion would have together.#and the fucking tragedy that would be karlach dying and astarion...immortal astarion.... being alone again.#ugh MAAAN!!!! starlach and wyllstarion and wyllach are all SUCH good pairs#they offer a veritable buffet of the most wonderful. tender. and tragic romance tropes T____T#I have to give credit where credit is due. thank you larian for two VERY fucking good m/f pairings.#so easy for writers to come up with piss poor m/f romances that have no chemistry but karlach works SOO well with either astarion or wyll.#i wish the fandom wasn't. well as fandoms normally are. you know. 😒#literally any of these three pairs SHOULD be the most popular imo.#if you disagree- that's your own opinion. I am not here to fight with people.#also one last thing? the youtube poster's icon fucking KILLED me. please look at it.
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