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ohtobeleah · 8 months

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Cards Close to the Chest // Bob Floyd

Summary: When Bob & Phoenix fall from the sky, Bob’s closest kept secrets come to light as two of the most important people in his life race to his side.

Warnings: Bob Floyd x F!reader. Fluff (poorly written) Mild cock-sure Jake Seresin. Hospitals. F18 accident. Wholesome read.

Word Count: 3k

Author Note: I was just feeling some fluffy Bob content and I thought this would be a good way to break up the tension with all my over dramatic angst/whump. Thank you so much to @a-reader-and-a-writer for beta reading this for me! Vee did gods work with this one.

Main Masterlist | Bob Floyd Masterlist

No significant other wants to receive that call. That dreaded call that tells you that the inevitable has happened. That phone call that sucks all the air from your lungs and replaces it with cement. The very phone call that alters your perception of life, of time, of all the small arguments you ever had with the person you love so dearly. It's the phone call no significant other wants to receive.

“Is this Mrs Floyd?” The man on the other end of the line asked with a cautiousness that told you he really didn't want the answer to be yes. Your daughter, Millicent, sat in her high chair smashing bananas all over the surface of her tray. Getting to know the texture of the latest solid you had introduced her to.

“This is she? May I ask who's speaking?” You didn't mean to come across as defensive, but the panic inside your chest had well and truly begun to bloom. Your eyes lingered over to the pair of spare reading glasses your husband left lying around the small apartment the two of you and your young daughter had been staying in. If this was the phone call, the very phone call that was about to alter your life forever you couldn't help but to think of the last time you saw your husband wear those frames.

“Mrs Floyd, Y/n, my name is Pete Mitchell, Captain Mitchell, or Just Mav will do–” The man on the other end of the line rambled off the list of names he went by. You didn't care all that much, but you let him go on. Your eyes drifted back toward your daughter, the very embodiment of half you and half your husband. Robert Floyd. In your mind, you prayed to whatever god was listening that this wouldn't be the phone call every military spouse dreaded.

“There was an accident during a training exercise your husband was involved in this morning.” The words all sounded broken and inaudible, all but the few key details.

‘Husband’ ‘Involved’ ‘Accident’

“Is he–” Mav knew what the question was going to be, so he gave you no chance to ask, he wanted to be the one to call, he wanted to be the one to tell you that although your husband had been involved in a training accident, he was still in one piece and very much alive.

“He's alive, still very much in one piece ma’am–” Mav caught himself smiling ever so slightly, despite the looming knowledge in the back of his mind that the situation could have been a lot worse. “They want to keep him overnight for observation, so if you'd like to come in and see him, I'm sure Bob would really appreciate it.”

The sigh that left your body, the shock that overwhelmed you, the tears that stained your cheek you weren't aware were there all told you one thing—you couldn't live without your husband.

“O–okay.” You nodded to yourself as if the man on the other end of the line could see you. “Y-yes, I’ll, uh, just get our daughter sorted and I'll be right in.”

It was then Maverick’s turn to sit in the deafening silence that threatened to consume his entire being. Bob had a daughter? That added a whole other layer to the incident he hadn’t accounted for.

Bob kept that card close to his chest, his daughter, Mille, was his pride and joy.

“Try to keep in mind he's okay Mrs Floyd,. Your husband’s a very skilled weapons system officer and his training truly saved his life today.” You hadn’t taken your eyes off your daughter since you remembered how to breathe as you stood in the middle of the small apartment kitchen. She was so innocent, so young, so mesmerised by her dad that she would have known something was wrong if he didn't come home.

“It's never been my husband's ability that I doubt, Captain Mitchell.” You replied as you wiped away your tears and reached for a sponge to go about cleaning up your daughter's high chair mess. “It's the system he works for that keeps me up at night.”

***~***~***~***~***~

Jake Seresin had never been so relieved when he was told that both Bob and Phoenix were alright and almost injury-free. Phoenix had a few bumps and bruises, a minor cut on her forearm, and a minor concussion that would surely see her grounded for a week at the minimum.

Bob was the same, only his ribs had taken a pretty nasty beating when he hit the ground with an unprecedented amount of force. Still, the usually arrogant, somewhat self-loathing, and above all infuriatingly good aviator wasn't about to say how relieved he truly was.

But he did, however, offer to take Phoenix some personal belongings for her overnight stay in the chateau short-stay ward of the Miramar Base Hospital.

“Just hold on a minute, sweetheart!”

Jake didn't mean to stick his nose where it didn't belong, but the ear-piercing cries of a child that couldn't have been any older than one broke him out of his mid-afternoon trance. The carpark at the Base hospital was packed to the rafters, but surely there would have been a parent’s park closer to the entrance?

Jake wished with every fibre of his being that he could have kept walking, he wished he just could have kept putting one foot in front of the other. But his mother raised him right. With a heavy sigh and a regret deep in his chest, Jake doubled back a few paces and turned his attention to the woman struggling to get up the stroller.

“Ma’am, I hate to be a bother but do you need a hand?”

“Me?” You turned around to address the man who’d been the only person to stop while others had walked right on past and whispered under their breath. Some had even stopped to watch, but no one had offered a hand. “Yes, yes please I just need someone to–”

Assessing the situation, Jake was sure he knew what the issue was.

Within a few seconds of you trying to explain what was wrong, the man who’d stopped to help had placed the bag he was carrying over his shoulder down onto the ground and stepped hard onto the safety that was jammed.

“How did you know to do that?” You asked with a look of disbelief as you immediately raced around to grab your daughter out of the car. She was distraught. “Shhh, I’m here, see I told you just a few minutes, didn't I baby?” You tried your best to soothe the crying tot.

“My sister has the same stroller, gets jammed all the time.” the man smiled politely as he stood by the now perfectly erected stroller. “Jake, Jake Seresin.”

“I recognise the callsign–” You replied when you finally allowed yourself to take in what the man was wearing. The same Nomex flight suit your husband frequented more often than not. “Yeah, Hangman, you work with my husband.” You beamed as you bounced your daughter softly until she was calm enough to be placed into her stroller.

Jake was racking his brain trying to figure out who the hell your husband was. He thought he knew everything about everyone he worked with. From the secrets Rooster tried to keep to the fact Payback had a raging nut allergy. BuUt a wife and child? Who the hell had a wife and child and hadn’t bothered to mention it?

“I work with your husband?” Jake repeated back to you like he was still trying to play catch up. “Sorry, I must be having a mind blank, with all due respect to your husband.”

“Bob Floyd?” You mentioned your husband's name like it was honey on your tastebuds. Jake truly couldn't compute what you were saying. Bob fucking Floyd was married? Bob Floyd had a kid!? “He had a training accident earlier today with his front seater, scared the absolute hell out of me.” You tried to laugh, but you weren't about to mention to Jake that you'd spent the better half of forty-five minutes in the shower with your daughter having a full-blown panic attack after Mav had called.

“You're Bob's wife?” Jake asked with a frown that was so deeply indeed on his forehead you truly weren’t sure what was so wrong about the fact you were Bob's wife. “Bob has a wife?” As you clipped your daughter in, Jake picked up the bag he’d been carrying up to the entrance of the hospital before he stopped to help you.

“Together seven, married for three.” You proudly smiled as you started walking your daughter’s stroller towards the hospital. Jake kept himself in line, walking by your side as he tried to compute the information he was being delivered. “Bob’s a pretty private person, please don't be offended if he didn't tell you we existed.” This wasn't the first time and you knew it wouldn't be the last time you were left to explain that yes, your husband was in fact your husband.

The chuckle that left Jake's mouth told you it wasn't about being offended.

“No Ma'am, no offence taken–” He explained through the shit- eating grin. “I just wasn't aware Bob had it in him is all.” The idea Bob had a wife was an easier pill to swallow than Bob having a whole ass child. In Jake's mind, Bob was far too ill-equipped to know how to use what he had. Or at least that was the rough opinion he had of the wallflower-esk weapons system officer. “But it's nice to know the guys got a family.”

“He does, he’s got us–” You couldn't help it when your eyes welled with tears. “Isn't that right, Millie girl?”

Jake had never stopped to wonder what the loves of his coworkers were like. Sure, he knew Phoenix and Rooster prior to their return to TopGun, but never once had he stopped to think if Bob had a family.

“He’s a real lucky guy.” Jake confirmed as he walked with you. “Gorgeous wife, cute kid, I'm sure he’s gonna be really happy to see you after the day he’s had.”

***~***~***~***~***~

In all the time Bob had flown for the United State Navy, this had been his closest call with death. The bed sheets that covered the small hospital bed scratched at his exposed skin. The paper-thin hospital gown that now adorned his body left little to the imagination if he stood.

The very last person Bob expected to see enter his hospital room was Jake Seresin. Bob thought he was having an all-out nightmare when the cock-sure aviator walked in with a shit-eating grin as wide as his cheeks would allow him.

“No–no absolutely not.” Bob shook his head in utter disbelief. “You don't get to come in here and give me shit after I fell hundreds of metres out of the sky.” It had been a rough day to say the very least and all Bob wanted more than anything else in the entire world was to hug you and his baby girl. “Hangman, I'm so serious right now–” Bob pressed as Jake stood with a proud chest and that smug ass grin by the door of his hospital room, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

“You know, that's no way to talk to the man who saved your damsel in distress wife in the carpark–” Jake replied as you rounded the corner and pushed your daughter’s stroller into the hospital room. “Funny, I don't think any of us knew you were married, Floyd.”

Bob's demeanour immediately softened as you made your way over with tears of mixed emotions welling in your eyes. Bob’s eyes mimicked yours, those baby blue eyes were quick to fill with clear but heavy tears as you sat on his bedside.

“I'll leave you guys alone.” Jake knew when to leave a room, and he had someone else to go see after all. Phoenix, probably the only woman on the planet who could keep his ego from inflating to new heights. “Put some WD40 on the safety of your daughter's stroller too. It's starting to lock up–” Jake made sure to tell Bob before he left the room, still carrying the bag full of Natasha’s personal belongings he promised he would hand deliver. Bob's precious cargo however, the family that loved him to the moon and back and three times over, seemed like a more pressing delivery to complete first.

“Bob–” Your hands were on your husband's cheeks the second Bob leaned in to kiss your lips ever so tenderly. The pads of your thumbs worked to wipe away the tears that spilled over his lower lash line, staining his cheeks with a salty layer of tears. “What on earth am I gonna do with you, hey?” You smiled through the kiss, speaking against your husband's supplye lips as he tried to keep his composure. “Falling from the sky like that? You scared me half to death.”

“I’m sorry–” It was the first thing Bob was able to muster as you pulled away and reached down for your little girl. “I'm so sorry. Phoenix got us out of a pretty rough spot, she's the reason I'm still here.”

You’d never met the woman who was currently flying with the love of your life, but you had to trust her. There was no room to not to.

“Someone was enjoying her banana mush when Captain Mitchell called.” You explained as you picked up your daughter and handed her to Bob who was waisting with open arms and bright eyes. He was so relieved to be able to hold his daughter again, you could see that much as clear as day. “Isn't that right Millie, yeah–yeah, Dad really threw a spanner in the works, didn't he?”

“Hey, baby girl.” Bob mumbled into the crook of his little girl's neck as he held her close to his chest. The burn in his ribs was worth it as she used his thighs as a stable surface to tiptoe on. “Oh my goodness, I can't even begin to explain how much I love you both.”

“We love you so much.” You leaned in once again to kiss your husband's lips. “I don't know what I'd do if I lost you. You don't get to scare me like this again, okay?”

Bob knew that you knew he couldn't promise you that, that was the worst part. He knew this could happen again and possibly be a worse outcome than this. But Bob also knew you needed reassurance he was here, that he was safe and that he wasn't going anywhere.

Death himself would have to drag him down to hell kicking and screaming before he ever left you.

“I'm not going anywhere baby, not now, not ever.” Bob cooed as he kissed you back, thankful he got to come home to his girls after such a life-threatening accident. The WSO knew he would have to see a shrink before getting in the cockpit again. How he was going to explain away the nightmares of leaving his wife a widow and his daughter fatherless he’d never know. “I’m here, I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere.”

“Phoenix, I don't think you're supposed to be walking?” Jake's voice echoed down the hall as you and Bob looked towards the door of his hospital room. There, in the doorway, stood Natasha Trace with wide eyes and shocked horror written all over her face. It was clear to you at that moment that Bob hadn’t told her either, Bob hadn’t told anyone about you or his daughter. You were the two closest cards he kept close to his chest.

“You have a family!?” Phoenix asked almost as if the answer was unclear. “Bob, you have a family and didn't tell me? Didn't tell any of us?” There was a rhyme to Bob's reasoning as to why he kept the two of you a secret. Bob just wanted something all for himself. He liked to keep his work life and private life as separate as possible. The Navy could be all-consuming on its best days, coming home to you and knowing not a single person could interrupt or stop by was simply the best version of heaven neither Bob could ever think of.

He just wanted his family all to himself, something the Navy couldn't control, couldn't touch, couldn't taint.

“Nix, this is my wife, Y/n, and my daughter Millicent.” Bob introduced the pair of you softly. “My best girls. “My whole world is in these two.”

You sent the clearly distressed aviator a simple smile and a soft wave as you stood from your husband’s beside. You understood this was a lot for her to take in. The idea that her WSo had more to lose than she ever thought.

“I'm still getting over the fact you have a daughter.” Jake interrupted from behind Phoenix as you walked closer to where she stood to take her in a warm embrace.

“Jealousy is a disease, Seresin, I can tell you exactly how I made my daughter too if you want?” Bob held his daughter in hips lap as she babbled to herself as he helped her stand on her feet. She wasn’t walking yet, not even close. But she loved to stand.

“My husband tells me you’re the reason he's still alive.” You spoke to Natasha like she deserved to be told this accident wasn't her fault. It could have happened to anyone. It shouldn't have happened to your husband and his front seater, but that was the luck of the draw–and you were blatantly aware it could have been much, much worse.

“So, thank you for making sure he gets to come home another night.”

***~***~***~***~***~

#bob floyd imagine #bob floyd #bob floyd fluff #top gun bob #top gun imagine #top gun fandom #top gun fanfiction #bob floyd fanfiction

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jackadudle · 2 months

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I'm just gonna leave this here like a magpie and skidaddle.

Enjoy some Hurt Noct fancomic I spent about a mouth on lol. I'm really happy with the way it turned out though and if you really love some Whump Noctis and you read Fanfics I highly recommend checking out kalterna on Ao3.

READ THE FANFICTION HERE

♥️✨

For context, allow me to show you the summary for this - While fighting in a gruelling battle, Noctis falls into stasis but is forced to push his limits and warp in order to save Prompto's life. The Crystal is not happy with him, and wants him to suffer. And suffer he will.

This is one of the first Fanfics I read of Kalterna and my gosh. I GUSH!!! It's so awesome! I wanted to make this as a sort of tribute! I really donno where I would be without amazing fanfic writers out there who are literally saving lives. I'm so grateful!

THANK YOUUU!!!

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grayson10yearslater · 20 days

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YOU DON'T KNOW GRAYSON: The Construction of Dick Grayson's Identity in Grayson Act I

INTRODUCTION: WHO AM I?

Like many of us, I first heard of Spyral in Dick-centric hurt/comfort fics. In these fics, the focus is often on how lonely and miserable Dick was during his time as Agent 37. How even after he became Nightwing again, his brothers never forgive him for letting them think he was dead. How the relationship between him and Bruce has been poisoned forever because Bruce savagely beat him and forced him to play dead. Usually Jason, Tim, and/or Damian discover Batcave footage of Bruce’s beat down of Dick, find out Dick was forced against his will into going undercover, and shower Dick with the love and forgiveness he deserves (and also probably kick Bruce’s ass a little). I want to be very clear. I eat these fics up for breakfast. Part of the reason I was so eager to read Grayson myself was for the hurt/comfort fodder.

But Grayson, in tone and execution, is nothing like the fanfics I read. There’s whump fodder, yes, but there is also humor and charm and new gratifying heartfelt relationships built within. Imagine my surprise when I read Grayson for the first time and found that Bruce and Dick’s relationship is not strained and bitter, but actually very tender and nostalgic. Both during and after the infamous Nightwing #30, there is so much affection between them. What got lost in fandom telephone? If Grayson isn’t about Dick at his absolute lowest, being the most miserable and alone sadsack to ever sack, what is it about?

The promo material gives us the easy pitch: identity. “YOU THINK YOU KNOW NIGHTWING…” the ad tells us, “YOU DON’T KNOW DICK.” For my money, this might be one of the best DC house ads of all time. It so perfectly captures the theme and the tone of Grayson. It’s in your face, it’s tongue-in-check, and it is so excited to explore Dick Grayson as a character.

But then the question remains: Who is Dick Grayson? The last six pages of Nightwing #30, written by Grayson co-writers Tom King and Tim Seeley, ends with Dick himself telling us.

“Who am I? I’ve been a lot of things. I was a son. I was a performer. An acrobat. A member of Haly’s Circus. Part of a family, a legacy. Then came Tony Zucco. He murdered my parents, and I was alone. I was angry. A sad, angry boy looking for revenge. Any revenge. Then came Bruce Wayne. He found me, and I wasn’t alone anymore. I was his ward. I was a son again. He trained me. Focused me. And I was Robin. A colleague. A hero. Partner to the Batman, the Dark Knight of Gotham. I was part of a family again. Batgirl. Commissioner James Gordon. Alfred Pennyworth. I grew older. I became a hero in my own right. I was Nightwing. I was a teacher. A mentor. To Jason…Tim…Damian…and eventually, when I was needed, I was Batman. I was part of a legacy again. Then came the Crime Syndicate. They put a noose around my neck, and I was alone again. I was tortured. I was put in front of cameras. I was unmasked. I was a plaything. They strapped me to a machine, I was their weapon. A bomb. Lex Luthor stopped my heart. Killed me to save the world. I was dead. Or so it seemed. In secret, I was saved. Who am I? After all that, I wanted to go back. I wanted to be who I’d been. A son. Part of a family…a legacy. Robin. Nightwing. Batman. I wanted to go back. But I can’t. Something terrible is coming. And I have to stop it. My enemy is in front of me and I’m alone. Who am I? My name is Dick Grayson. I’m who you need me to be.”

This monologue lays out the foundation: Dick defines himself by his network of relationships, his family. From Dick’s very beginning, family is an all-encompassing word that holds both his biological family (the Flying Graysons) and his chosen family (Haly’s Circus at large) together. Dick sees the world relationally; he defines who he is by how he is connected to others. Even his time as the solo hero Nightwing is framed through the relationship oriented occupations of teacher and mentor. It’s telling that in his monologue he uses the word “legacy” almost as often as family. It’s not just about the individuals he’s connected to, it’s about having a web of connections at all. A safety net. Dick is a trapeze artist. The trapeze is not a solo act. Grayson dares to ask who Dick Grayson really is when he’s not a legacy, not a member of a team, not the ‘and’ after Batman?

STILL TWO BEST FRIENDS

Tim Seeley: One of the things Tom and I wanted to do, beyond the drama and conflict between Dick and Bruce, was not another story about the drama and conflict between Dick and Bruce. We didn't want to do another story about how the Robins are exploited and used and eventually turn against Batman. This is still about the two best friends in the DC Universe, but they fight and they have to ask each other to do things that they don't want to. But when it comes down to it, these are the two best buddies that there could be. When they have conflict, it's because it's important. It's because it means something. It's not something to falsify the drama.

To understand what Grayson is doing with the themes of identity and partnership, we have to unpack Nightwing #30. I could write a whole series of posts on Nightwing #30. It’s so densely packed and, by my money, one of the most misunderstood issues in fandom. Every time I reread it, I discover something new to munch on. For the purposes of this post, I will focus on how Dick and Bruce construct Dick’s identity.

Bruce frames their fight as a test. “I need to see if they broke you,” he says, “I need to see if you still have the heart you once had.” This is what Bruce and Dick are fighting over: after being tortured, having his identity revealed by the Crime Syndicate, and killed by Lex Luthor…is Dick Grayson still Dick Grayson?

Their fight is brutal. And why wouldn’t it be? Dick’s lost everything, even his life, and Bruce was helpless to save him. Both Dick and Bruce are at their lowest points right now. “I trained you to live,” Bruce yells as he strikes Dick in the face, “and I watched you die!” This fight is one of the most bloody, violent brawls we’ve ever seen between Bruce and Dick. It’s easy to see why this confrontation spread like wildfire in the whump-centric parts of fandom. It’s blood, guts, and tears.

The quote from Seeley at the beginning of this section is so illuminating. Despite the reputation this scene has gained in fandom, it was never intended to be “another story about how the Robins are exploited and used and eventually turn against Batman”. This scene is intended to break Bruce and Dick down in order to build them back up again. So why doesn’t that intention always come through?

I think it’s a question of genre. Both King and Seeley have gone on record as really enjoying superhero comics for their genre conventions. They are not interested in anything hyperrealistic or gritty. When Dick and Bruce beat the hell out of each other across the Batcave, it’s more equivalent to two characters in a musical breaking out into a dance number, as opposed to actual physical abuse. Compare this issue to New Teen Titans #55, where Bruce’s single punch there has more traumatic weight in the narrative than all the punches here combined. The violence in Nightwing #30 is much more a visual metaphor for Bruce and Dick’s emotional states. The emotional fight is the real concern for the plot, not the literal physical blows, a convention we see often in the superhero genre. And the emotional fight is over what Dick’s identity is now, after the events of Forever Evil. Who does Dick need to be next? Bruce needs Dick to be someone stronger, someone who can’t die, someone who can infiltrate Spyral and not be corrupted by them. Dick wants to return to comfort, to family. He wants to, as he says later on in this issue, “be who [he’s] been”.

For Dick especially, the violence here showcases his struggle with his identity in the aftermath of Forever Evil. As Bruce begins to tell Dick about the Spyral mission, he kicks Dick into the glass case holding the Robin costume. Dick is broken and battered, on his knees on the Robin cape, surrounded by shattered glass and the looming shadow of Batman. This is a visualization of what Dick feels internally: that by agreeing to stay dead and go on this mission, he is shattering everything he once was. Batman is killing him. Bruce is killing the person he used to be.

Dick can’t accept that. He outright says no and uses the Robin cape to choke Bruce out. Again, that sounds horrifically violent. But on the page, it just feels like symbolism. Dick chokes Bruce out with the Robin cape, tying them together back-to-back. He doesn’t want to leave Bruce again. He wants to stay together. If Dick understands his identity to be Batman’s partner, what does it mean that Bruce is trying to take that away?

Bruce and Dick are at cross-purposes with regards to who Dick needs to be next. As they throw punches, Bruce rattles off intel as Dick says the names of his family like a prayer. Bruce is acting from a place of terror. He just witnessed Dick die and his coping strategy is what it always is: become the mission. Bruce needs Dick’s identity to be mission focused, and that mission is staying alive and keeping their secrets safe (pointedly, the very same things Dick just failed to do). Dick needs to feel reconnected to his old identity, he needs to return to his family and be with them. Both of them are desperately trying to make meaning out of Dick’s death. When Dick tackles Bruce into the Batmobile, saying that he’s alive, it almost looks like a hug. They are not communicating here, but that does not mean they don’t care deeply for each other. It is the same tenderness they feel towards each other that provokes them into such a no-holds-barred fight. They are desperate; both of them will stop at nothing to not lose each other. It’s just that they have different definitions of salvation.

Nightwing #30 is an argument of ideology. After knocking Dick to the ground, Bruce plays the mentor. “Why do we fall, Dick? We fall so we can learn to get back up.” The Spyral mission is a very real, very urgent threat. But there’s also a part of Bruce that desperately needs to see Dick prove his invincibility again, for the sake of his worldview. Dick, at this moment, refuses Bruce’s lesson. He peels off the mask Bruce gave him. “No,” he says, “No, that’s not true. We fall because someone pushes us. We get up to push back.” Dick’s resolve is iron-clad. He will never just stay on the ground, not when someone pushed him. His desire for justice will always compel him back on to his feet. That desire belongs to Dick Grayson, not Nightwing, not Robin. Even as Dick argues against Bruce, he proves to them both why he is the only option for a long term undercover mission in Spyral.

Bruce continues to preach the necessity of Dick’s Spyral mission, no matter the costs. “After this, Bruce,” Dick tells him as he blocks Bruce’s punch, “after asking this, between us – it can’t be the same again.” Bruce knows. He delivers his explanation of his self-identity:

“I’m hurting you. My family. I’m making that sacrifice. Because I don’t give up. I don’t give in. But what about you? Are you them? Or are you me? After the Crime Syndicate captured you, tortured you, killed you – tell me Dick, my body, after all of this – will you give up? Will you give in?”

While Nightwing #30 has been laying the foundation of the plot of Grayson this whole time, this is the foundation of Grayson’s Act I’s thematic question: Who is Dick Grayson? Bruce here pitches it as a binary question. Is Dick him? A Bat who never gives up. Or is he “them”? The “them” is ambiguous. Grammatically, it refers to the other heroes who would give up and let Spyral use them. But I think it could be argued that “them” means anyone who isn’t Bruce. The Crime Syndicate. Spyral. The dead. Anyone who isn’t relentless and alive. Dick is a pillar in Bruce’s psyche. It’s an essay on its own tracking all the moments throughout canon and elsewhere stories where Bruce loses his grip on his own identity when Dick dies. He frames this as a binary question not out of sadism, but because this is how Bruce’s worldview works. It is just fundamentally more binary and egocentric than Dick’s worldview. Bruce does not construct his identity (or his understanding of Dick’s identity) in the same way Dick does.

Dick constructs his identity through the relationships he has with people, not if they are him or not. It’s a bringing together of people and identities within himself, not a subjugation. Having those identity defining relationships is an action, not an act of possession for Dick. And Bruce is asking Dick to leave those relationships behind. Dick’s identity is in freefall. He’s losing his family. He’s losing his mantle. After all that loss, one thing remains true: he “is not [Bruce’s] boy”. With that mission statement, Dick delivers the knockout punch that has Bruce forfeiting the fight.

This spark of independence is what makes Dick a survivor. This is what allows Dick to define himself through his web of connections without being a hollow person who has no true personality, no true self. Dick is not a child, a boy, who just belongs to someone. Not Bruce. Not Spyral. He is his own man. And while Dick will struggle with not being able to behave as a Bat does anymore once he’s in Spyral, if a Bat was truly all he was, Spyral would break him. Dick’s refutation here further proves to Bruce that he can survive this mission. “I win,” says Dick, just a small figure in a sea of broken, burning childhood mementos. Goodbye, Robin. Bruce embraces him in a sidehug, literally pulling Dick under his wing. “Good,” Bruce says. Their pose mirrors the photograph of young Dick and Bruce in the panel. The visuals here communicate what Seeley spoke of in his interview: despite the destruction, despite the goodbyes, this is still two best friends.

This is the catharsis of Nightwing #30, the resolution to this fight of ideology and grief. This moment is overlooked because it is so brief compared to the length of their fight. And it’s a messy resolution. I imagine that there are many readers who remain unconvinced of the necessity of the Spyral mission as Bruce’s posits, or the depiction of the physical violence, or many other messy things in the issue. But Dick isn’t unconvinced by the necessity of infiltrating Spyral. The next time we see him, he’s all in on the mission, ready to be “who you need me to be”. Bruce tells a horrified Alfred that he’s “fixed it”. Bruce and Dick both understand that they have to be apart for right now, just for this one problem, and then home will return to them. They both understand it as a sacrifice, not an estrangement. I think a lot of Spyral hurt/comfort fics assume that the Nightwing #30 fight was never resolved. It was. Perhaps in a way that feels unsatisfying to some readers, but Grayson does not make sense if one doesn’t accept that Dick has already made peace with Bruce before he left.

Dick’s relationship with Bruce is solid when Helena Bertinelli offers him a job at Spyral. It is Dick’s own personal sense of self that remains in jeopardy. The last three lines of the issue are Dick’s monologue: “Who am I? My name is Dick Grayson. I’m who you need me to be.” In bold red letters, the issue tells us “TO BE CONTINUED IN GRAYSON #1!” It could not be more clear what thematic questions Grayson will seek to explore. Can Dick really be whoever he needs to be? Can Dick really become the agent Spyral needs him to be and the double agent Batman needs him to be, all while still being himself? Will being Agent 37 break Dick Grayson permanently?

DOWNSIDE OF A SOLO ACT

“The downside of a solo act. No one around to see you do the cool stuff.”

The first four issues of Grayson are defined by identity crisis. The agents of Spyral struggle to get Dick to let go of his current identity that is rooted in Batman and become Agent 37 more fully. Dick struggles internally to adapt enough to Spyral’s culture to continue to be a double agent, while not engaging in any acts that break the morals he’s so firmly tied to his sense of self. Dick can no longer define himself by a family who isn’t there, so he has to define himself as the person his family once loved.

Grayson #1 sets the stage. We are dropped right into the action as Dick takes down an enemy on a moving train. He uses a gun, but not by shooting it. Instead, he uses it as a boomerang that hits his enemy in the head. On the last panel of the page, Dick sighs to him and says, “The downside of a solo act. No one around to see you do the cool stuff.” Readers turn the page, heightening the gag. Set-up and payoff: Midnighter watches Dick with a pair of binoculars. “Damn,” he says, “That was pretty cool.” This exchange is peak Grayson. Its snappy humor disguises the work it's doing to contribute to Grayson’s central dramatic question: Who is Dick Grayson when he isn’t Batman’s partner, a solo act? Midnighter, looking every inch like a Batman type, tells us that Dick is not as alone as he thinks. But the leather daddies in black aren’t here to rescue him from his loneliness, they are here as his enemies first. Dick defines himself through his relationships. How will his sense of self be challenged by people who don’t want to form strong bonds with him?

Even as a spy, it’s still Dick’s default to make friends. His first use of Hypnos, the mind control implant given to him by Spyral, is to make Ninel Dubov think they are close friends. He says: “I’m your friend, Ninel. You’ve been lonely and afraid for so long. I just want to help you. And you want to help me. That’s what friends do.” Yes, Dick is literally brainwashing the guy here, but his words are a solid definition of friendship. This is how Dick incorporates his friends into his identity: he’s there to help them. Even as Dick is doing the most Spyral thing in the world, using Hypnos on a target, he is still operating under his old construction of his identity.

But this classic Dick Grayson approach soon backfires. Ninel activates a very dangerous power in order to assist Dick in his fight against Midnighter. When Dick sees that Ninel is at risk of dying, Dick has to drop the friendship act. He goads Ninel into venting his power and completes the mission. In the past, Nightwing would have been able to talk Ninel down with sincerity. Agent 37 does not have that luxury. Dick’s always been talented at manipulation, by his own admission later on in the issue (“I-I’ve always been good at reading people. [...] Never used it – like it.”), but his people reading skills have always been used for the pursuit of justice. Now Dick is using the skills for morally ambiguous Spyral’s benefit. Under Dick’s own sense of self, he should be bad at being a spy. But he’s not. So what does that say about Dick’s identity? Is he really who he thinks he is?

Dick’s struggle to remain connected to the morals that define his place with his family is exemplified in Grayson #2 by Dick’s struggle to remain connected to Batman. Undoubtedly, Dick’s relationship to Batman is crucial to how Dick self-identifies. Over and over again in this run, Dick’s defines himself as Batman’s partner, Batman’s heir. Batman is emblematic of a moral system that is important to Dick’s understanding of himself, the same system that is at odds with Spyral’s definition of Agent 37. But more than that, Batman is emblematic of a person, a history of a relationship, that is critical to Dick’s self-identity. When Dick craves comfort and support, he reaches out to Bruce about their interpersonal connections. He wants to know if Alfred and Barbara are okay after attending his funeral. In order for Dick to feel centered and stable with himself, he needs to know that the people he includes in his self-identity are okay, too.

The downside to this way of being is that if Dick doesn’t have access to those people who are his foundation of self, he grows unsteady. But his Spyral mission, by design, keeps him cut-off from his family, for his and their safety. Bruce must rebuff Dick’s desire for comfort. “Birdwatcher,” Bruce stops and corrects himself, sensing Dick’s vulnerability, “the longer we stay on the line the more likely it’ll be intercepted.” It comes off as a chastisement, and it is, but it’s also Bruce giving to Dick the same comfort he would give to himself: focus on the mission. And Dick tries to. “Right. Yeah. Hey y’know what? I don’t need to know. Because I’m going to wrap this up before the flowers on my grave wilt. Over.” But even as he’s trying to model Bruce’s coping mechanism, his real desire bleeds through. Dick wants to return to his family. By returning to them, he’ll return to a congruent self-identity. When Helena sees Dick after this call, she notes that he looks “rattled”. Until he can return to his connections in Gotham, Dick is trapped in the identity limbo of being Agent 37.

Dick Grayson, however, is a character inclined to change, whether he intends it or not. Batman may be the most important connection in the web of relationships Dick uses to define himself, but he is not the only one, and the web is always growing.

Helena Bertinelli, code name Matron, is that first new connection. She is assigned to be Dick’s partner. As someone high up in Spyral’s food chain, Helena is an antagonistic force to Dick’s mission. Her personality is efficient and no nonsense. Their dynamic in Grayson #2 is reminiscent of the dynamic Dick had with Batman when he was Robin. The stoic, more knowledgeable mentor and the playful, confident student. But that dynamic is purely surface level right now. There is no foundation of trust between Dick and Helena, not at the start. Neither of them are under any delusions about their ability to truly trust each other. But for the mission, they must act as partners.

Spyral sends them to find a bioweapon enhanced stomach of Paragon in Farmington, Leicestershire. Their investigation leads them to Dr. Poppy Ashemoore, who has the stomach implanted into herself, and is now an enhanced cannibal attacking them. Dick’s got a plan to take her down. It’s a very superhero genre plan, he’s going to get her monologuing and then strike. He expects Helena, his partner, to have his back. She doesn’t. Helena orders Agent 37 not to strike. Dick’s confused; this is not how the story goes. “She’s a cannibal, Matron! She killed people and ate them! It goes like this: we knock her down, and we take her to the proper authorities!” Helena reminds him that his old ways of identification hold no value here: “She is not a supervillain. She is an asset who happens to be an incredibly self-sufficient genius.” Dick cannot accept the idea that a murderer may escape justice and be rewarded for it, so Helena uses the code word “tsuchigumo” and knocks Dick out.

After an issue of bonding, it’s a big betrayal. Back at homebase, Helena completes her lecture from the start of the issue about what a Hadrian woman is: “She is unconcerned with righteousness or virtue. She exists only for the prompt and unerring delivery of her charge.” Dick watches from the shadows, sick and defeated. Helena is training the girls, but her words apply to all those who work for Spyral, including Dick. This is the type of person he must become. A strong connection to Helena did not provide him with any relief, just more disconnection. Again, Dick must question his own self-identity.

The issue ends with Dick making a mission report to Bruce again. He’s internalized the need to not linger, but can’t resist one last attempt at re-establishing connection. Helena was a failed partnership, but Batman and Robin never die. This time, he appeals to a value Bruce also shares: nostalgia. They share a sweet memory about Babs and Alfred. Dick may not have his relationships present in his life currently, and he’s suffering for it, but the memories of the love he has for them cannot be taken away. Those memories can stabilize his self-identity for one more day.

But that is just duct tape on the hole in the dam. Eventually, the dam is going to burst. Dick could only juggle being half Agent 37, half his former self for so long. Grayson #3 serves as the ultimate nadir for Grayson Act I. In #3, the struggle between Dick’s relationship-centric self identity and the mission-centric identity of Spyral agents causes the death of two people.

Issue #3 opens with Dick establishing a new connection with a new character: Alia, codename Agent 8. After Helena and Dick are assigned a joint mission with Agent 1 (AKA Tiger) and Agent 8, Agent 8 meets Dick at the shooting range. She isn’t impressed with his shot: “Really? This is how the great Wing-Knight shoots? I see why Mr. Minos has Agent 1 and me bailing you out on this mission.” Dick corrects her. It is both a fact correction and an assertion of his identity. “Nightwing. And you should see me with a slingshot, Agent 8.” Even as Dick asserts his identity as Nightwing, he calls upon the distinctly Robin imagery of the slingshot. Dick’s framing his identity not just as Nightwing, but his time as a caped hero overall. Nightwing isn’t just the Nightwing suit - it’s the entire life Dick’s led up to this point. And that person, he begins with the oath Dick swore to Batman in order to become Robin. Nightwing is the legacy of Robin. And Dick is proud of that legacy. He would rather be good with a slingshot than a gun - that is what keeps him connected to Bruce. This is how he understands himself.

Still, the back and forth between Dick and Agent 8 begins to cross the line into flirtatious. Her body language is clearly sensual as she corrects his form. “But remember, don’t anticipate the explosion,” Agent 8 tells Dick, “Cause the explosion. Can you do that, Wing-Knight? Can you do that for me?” Dick again reasserts his identity. “That’s not my name. My name is…” The next page reveals Agent 8 in bed gasping Dick’s name in pleasure. It’s a cheesy homage to the brazen sexuality of spy thrillers. But even still, it’s revealing. Nightwing doesn’t make up Dick Grayson; Nightwing makes up a part of Dick Grayson. Losing Nightwing does not mean Dick has lost his identity, it just means he’s lost the easiest way to sum himself up. There is hope for Dick’s self-identity, even as we nosedive to his lowest point. He may not be “Wing-Knight” anymore, but he is still Dick Grayson.

After their tryst, Dick continues to struggle with his identity as an agent of Spyral who should be using a gun, vis-à-vis struggling to understand Christophe Tanner, their target for this issue. “I don’t understand these things,” Dick says of a gun. “Going after a guy like this, with a tool like this. He’s in pain. He should stop the pain. How does this stop anything?” Dick’s worldview is so much about soothing hurt. He’s a fixer. Guns don’t solve emotional wounds. But this worldview has no place in Spyral. Agent 8 says so: “What do you know about guns?” But she might as well be asking what does Dick know about this spy world.

Dick, Helena, Agent 8 and Tiger track Tanner down. It goes tits up pretty quickly. Dick faces Tanner down alone. He tries to talk sense into Tanner the same way he’s been talking sense into himself: by reminding Tanner of his relationships. “I know about your boys,” Dick says. “I know you tried to save them, and I know what he did. Haven’t you had enough? Haven’t the guns done enough? We don’t need these to settle this. Tell us where the eyes are, and we all walk away. Think about your boys. Some things you don’t shoot your way out of.” Tanner rejects him and chooses his guns. Tiger comes to Dick’s rescue, but not without chastising him. Dick’s method has failed on Tanner. The worldview on which he constructs his identity has failed. Is it doomed to fail for himself, too?

The consequences of this are severe. Agent 8 blows up at Dick for endangering Tiger, her partner’s, life. She calls him out on a perceived hypocrisy: “Oh, yeah, you noble superheroes. Fire laser beams at people. Arrows. Batathingies. But a gun, no, no, never. God forbid! Not a gun!” Nursing the cheek Agent 8 just slapped, Dick can only repeat what he’s desperately holding on to: guns aren’t “the way [he] fight[s]”. His identity is being challenged at all fronts. He can’t risk revealing how much he holds on to the people of his previous life, so he can only cling on to their teachings. Guns aren’t the way he fights. His explanation only makes Agent 8 angrier. “You’re all like Batman,” she says, “little boys under little masks, crying about their dead mommies.” Dick, acting as both the double agent seeking information and the Bruce Wayne defense squad he usually is, asks, “What do you know about Batman?”

Agent 8 gives an ending argument that hits harder than her slap. “I know he still wears his little mask. What I don’t know is if you’ve taken yours off! You’re not a superhero. You're a spy. With a gun. You’re not Wing-Kinght or Nightwing or whatever. You’re Agent 37.” Here she reveals a flaw at the center of Dick’s identity - if Dick defines himself through his relationships, how can he endanger a partner by not taking the shot? Are Batman’s teachings getting in the way of helping people? But if Dick isn’t Batman’s teachings, who is he? Agent 8 would answer that by saying Dick is Agent 37, a spy who uses a gun. But can Dick really be that?

No. No, of course not. When presented with the shoot or be shot dilemma, Dick does the most Dick Grayson thing he can do: he finds a third option. Dick’s puts together the missing pieces of Tanner’s backstory, tracking him down to the school that his youngest and only alive son attends. He uses the weapon at his disposal that predates even Robin; he tries to talk it out. Dick encourages Tanner to drop the guns and meet his son. “Is that how you want him to see you? With your guns in the air?” Dick reiterates Agent 8’s own defense of guns to him, Dick understands that they “make things go faster”. But, as he tells Tanner, “what’s the damn rush?”

This time, Dick’s words reach Tanner. He confesses he stole the macguffin of the issue because he didn’t want to see his son through the gun. The Paragon eyes aren’t compatible with him, so he gives them to Dick. The two share a touching moment where Tanner is insecure about his looks scaring his son and Dick jokes about Tanner’s chest hair. This is the type of relationship building that is at the core of Dick’s self-identity. But just as Dick wins a laugh from his once enemy, Agent 8 shoots Tanner. Everything goes to shit from that moment on, right in front of Dick’s eyes. Tanner survives the shot and returns fire to Agent 8, killing her. He then falls off the roof and dies in front of his son. The parallels to both Bruce’s and Dick’s parents’ own deaths cannot be ignored; it is salt in the wound. Dick has defined his life by his mission to save people. Now, Dick is left alone on the rooftop, with nothing but blood, a gun, and Tiger’s desperate voice ringing through his coms.

As Tanner’s son finds his father’s body, still clutching his gun, Tiger speaks, “37. 1. Do you have eyes on Agent 8? Repeat. 37, do you have eyes on Agent 8? 37? 37? Agent 37!” Dick raises his head. Grayson artist Mikel Janín’s composition is spectacular here. Dick looks the reader straight in our eyes. “That’s not my name.”

This is the ultimate rejection of Dick’s Agent 37 identity. He will never be convinced of Agent 8’s and Spyral at large’s ideology. All it’s done is make two people dead and a little boy an orphan. This knowledge doesn’t change the fact that Dick’s mission isn’t over. Lives are on the line, in all directions. He has to be a spy. Agent 37 isn’t his name but still Dick must wear this disguise. How will he adapt?

As always, Dick’s ability to adapt is helped by the relationships he forms with other people. If Grayson #3 was about the ultimate failure of Dick and Agent 8’s partnership (and I don’t just mean romantically, I mean Agent 8 as an opposing ideology Dick cannot integrate into his sense of self), then Grayson #4 is the beginning of Helena’s growth into that web. Even though Helena has been tasked by the Director of Spyral, Mr. Minos, to root out the double agent in their midst, she and Dick continue to grow closer.

Grayson #4 starts out with their status quo sunshine-grumpy relationship. Dick is purposefully sucking a lollipop as annoyingly as possible and Helena karate chops it out of his mouth. Dick wraps up the lollipop to send it back to Bruce for DNA sampling, but plays dumb with Helena, who reacts with scorn and disgust. But even after this engineered tiff, Helena immediately tries to comfort Dick over Agent 8’s death. Dick rebuffs her, he knows that death “is part of the job”. He is playing the Agent 37 role that Agent 8 so wanted him to do. Helena isn’t convinced. She tries again to have this conversation with Dick and again is rebuffed. “Don’t worry,” Dick assures her, mistaking what I would argue is Helena’s genuine concern over him with her fixation on accomplishing the mission, “I’m focused. I’m ready. The mission is as good as accomplished.” The status quo is starting to shift between these two, but Dick hasn’t forgiven her betrayal yet.

The rest of the issue acts almost as a breather episode. The Hadrian students decide to raid Dick’s room for his panties. Dick catches them on the hunt, of course. But rather than turn them in for breaking curfew, he starts a cat and mouse game, leading them in a chase across campus. They want a game? Sure, Dick’s happy to play. This moment is silly and fun but it’s so revealing of how Dick recenters himself in his grief. He wants to be with people without having to be vulnerable with people. He wants to be in the air. He wants the chase. This is how Dick self-soothes a wound to his worldview, to his very identity.

Helena, out at night investigating Agent 8 as the potential Spyral mole, catches the group. She sends the girls back to their dorms and Dick to Mr. Minos, where he receives his punishment. He is to become the girls’ gay French acrobatics teacher. It’s pitched as a torture for Dick, and while the Hadrian girls are thirsty af, Dick loves being a teacher. Teacher is one of the ways Dick defined himself as back in Nightwing #30 and of course acrobat is Dick’s very essence. The cover story is framed as a punishment for Dick, but truly this is an opportunity for Dick to maintain his old, true, self-identity.

Helena has another opportunity for Dick’s self-identity too. Later that night, she sneaks into Dick’s bedroom. “I know why you came to Spyral, Dick Grayson.” Dick reacts with confusion. Helena gives an impassioned monologue. It’s a reversal, instead of Helena dragging Dick into the messy spy thriller genre, here Dick inspires Helena to dip her toes into the superhero genre, where impassioned speeches can reach another person’s heart. She says:

“I saw you tonight. Running across those rooftops. There was a joy in your movement. In your eyes. You loved the night. You loved the chase. You loved being the fearless hero. You loved being Nightwing. When you were outed by the Crime Syndicate. Believed killed. You knew you had to remain dead. To reveal that you were alive could endangered those you loved. Set your enemies against them. You had to quit being the hero. Being Dick Grayson. Now, you fear that you might lose who you are.”

Helena reads Dick like an open book. To know Dick’s motivations so well is dangerous, but Helena does not make Dick bleed for it. She simply walks towards the window. When Dick asks where she’s going, she turns and says, “I do not want you to forget who you are Dick Grayson. I want you to remember the rooftops. I want you to remember the night. I want you to remember Nightwing.” She smiles, which on Helena looks more like a smirk, “Chase me.” And Dick does.

For Dick, this is the remedy for the poison from the last issue. Agent 8 wanted Dick to be someone else. In her worldview, Agent 37 can only exist at Nightwing’s death. Dick must forget everything he was before to be Agent 37. In contrast, Helena wants Dick to remember who he is, which includes (but is not limited to) Nightwing. She wants him to be successful in Spyral not at the cost of his previous selves. Dick has to hide so much of his true identity and belief systems right now. But Helena, at least, can offer herself up as the means in which Dick can still feel safely connected to his old, true identity.

Dick started in Issue #1 utterly alone. He ends #4 chasing after someone who is sour, dark, and perfect into the night, a smile on his face. This ending allows Dick to metaphorically be Robin, Nightwing, and Agent 37 all at the same time. He is able to hold that multiplicity of identity within him because of his connection to Helena. Once again, being a partner act keeps Dick’s identity whole.

I HAVE HER

“This can’t…this…you can’t do this…I know you. I see what’s coming. You…you…can’t. I have…my enhancements. I have…powers. Dick…Dick Grayson...what…what do you have?” “I have her.”

Grayson #5 is one of my favorite single issues of all time. It should be part of a mandatory DC onboarding when it comes to writing Dick Grayson. It captures the core of his character, his ultimate truth: the unflinching determination to help people in the face of impossible odds.

The issue starts in media res. Dick and Midnighter are helping a woman deliver her baby as Helena tries to pilot a failing plane to safety. The mother dies. The plane crashes in the desert. The baby is alive and crying. Helena, Midnighter, Dick and the baby are two hundred miles away from civilization. Midnighter does the math: they’re dead. There’s no way any of them can survive the trek.

Dick refuses to accept that. If they die, the baby dies, so they can’t die. It’s just that simple.

Thus far, in Grayson, Dick’s ability to care deeply about strangers has been used against him. A good spy makes people think they care, but they don’t actually care. They exist in order to survive the mission or themselves. Dick’s mission is caring about people; he defines himself through loving other people. Grayson #5 shows us that this isn’t mere naivete. This is Dick’s most dangerous skill. He doesn't have to have special enhancements or powers. As long as he has "her", a person to save, Dick can do anything. His determination arises from his relational approach to identity.

This has been true for Dick since he was a child. Later on in the issue, after Helena and Midnighter have both succumbed to the elements, Dick tells the baby about a dream he once had. The story he tells is a heartfelt and poignant reference to Batman #156, “Robin Dies at Dawn”. “On this world,” Dick says, “I was Robin. I had to save him.” The syntax and order of Dick’s sentences here reveal that he defines being Robin as saving people and he is Robin. In order to be himself, Dick must save people. And he does, even though Dick’s story ends with rocks and darkness, the moral he gives to the baby is bravery in the face of any odds.

For those of us who are familiar with Batman #156, we know that Dick is hit with rocks and dies. Batman, guilty, grief-stricken, and alone on an alien planet with a monster about to attack him, begs for death. It’s eventually revealed that Robin is alive and well, Batman was just undergoing an astronaut simulation. This meta reference highlights Dick’s superpower in this issue. When Batman doesn’t have Robin, he begs for death. When Robin doesn’t have Batman, he finds more people to save. Dick is able to survive the loneliness and isolation that Batman isn’t because Dick doesn’t define his identity by one person or purpose, but by his ability to care for many people. Today, it’s this baby. Tomorrow, it will be someone else. That’s who Dick is. Dick’s devotion to life itself gives him determination.

Devotion is not something many call a strength anymore. After all, devotion so easily becomes zealotry. Grayson #5 itself warns us of this. A Saudi couple find Dick and the baby and the wife is overjoyed. “We have prayed for so long for a child,” she says, “And here, god has brought one from the desert.” Her husband disagrees. “What is this? God has not brought this boy. This is no God. Look. This is only a man.”

Dick is not a god. He is not even an enhanced guy with a supercomputer for a brain. He is just a man. But when a man makes serving other people his identity, he can do the impossible.

HEART IS AN AWESOME POWER

“Who are you? What do you hold inside? Is it love? Is that what you believe?”

If Grayson #5 is about Dick proving who he is to the reader, then Grayson #6-7 are about him proving that core identity to Midnighter and Helena.

Grayson #6 opens with Dick and Helena investigating a prison island. After surviving an attack from a robot orca, they find that their targets have already been slaughtered by the Fist of Cain. While Helena uses her Hypnos implant to get information about the issue’s macguffin, the Paragon Brain, from a surviving Fist of Cain member, Midnighter kidnaps Dick and takes him to the God Garden. There Dick and Midnighter finally have the all out brawl they’ve been building towards. As they trade blows, Midnighter reveals exactly what he thinks of Dick. He states as fact of all the worst fears Dick has about himself during the Spyral mission.

“You traded in the supertights for a decoder ring but you think you’re still the good guy,” Midnighter says, “But you’ve changed. You’re just lying to yourself. You’re one of them.”

Dick refutes Midnighter’s analysis of himself. First, by refuting Midnighter’s claim that he’s figured out Dick’s fighting style (“You can do jazz. How are you at punk rock?”). Dick is made up of more than what Midnighter claims he is. It’s easy to read this as a rebuttal against the naysayers of Grayson itself: Dick is more than just his mantles. He can carry a solo title with no masks, just as Dick Grayson.

“Comfort. Trust. Family. I gave that up to become a spy. A spider man. A tsuchigumo. I have changed,” Dick acknowledges. “But I’ll always be Dick Grayson.”

If that’s true, then how is Dick constructing the identity of ‘Dick Grayson’, if not by those ties of family and legacy? Issue #7 will answer that for us in time. Here in Issue #6, there’s still more setting up to do. After Helena is exposed mentally to the Fist of Cain’s plans for mass murder, she awakens to see that Dick is gone. She doesn’t know he’s been kidnapped. The first thing she asks is if Dick left her. Like Midnighter, Helena is suspicious of who Dick claims to be. Is he really her partner? Or will he abandon her the second it suits his goals?

As Issue #6 sets up the fears Helena and Midnighter have about who Dick is as a person, Issue #7 proves those fears wrong. Cue the transformation magic, Dick is about to go full magical girl.

Issue #7 is an ode to Dick’s legacy. As Robin, Dick represented spring: the joy and new life after the cold death of winter. As Nightwing, Dick represented rebirth, the great rebuilder after destruction. The mantles don’t represent those things intrinsically. They represent those ideals because Dick infused them with the essence of his own person, who lives by those ideals. Agent 37 does not carry that Dick Grayson legacy the way Robin and Nightwing do; it carries the reputation of Spyral. As Dick tries to convince the Gardener to let him and Midnighter stop the Fists of Cain, the Gardener calls him out on this. “[...] You, Dick Grayson, represent lies and treachery. The loss of ideals. The desire for power at the cost of innocence.” Here, in this world, Dick is no longer the benchmark of the superhero community, the guy everyone respects. He’s fallen. He’s been corrupted.

But he’s still Dick Grayson. He’s not going to let a fall stop him from saving people. The Fist of Cain plan to use the Paragon brain to make innocent people kill each other. Gardener believes that this bloodbath will serve as an example for all of humanity and help create a better world. Dick can’t physically fight her, so he uses his other skills: empathy and compassion.

He tells the Gardener a story about himself.

“When my parents died, I thought that was the end for me. I was freefalling. I thought that I was going to fall and fall until I hit the ground. But someone came to my rescue. He caught me before I hit the ground. He was my net. He taught me to focus my anger. To stop myself from hating the world. From blaming everyone for the evil of a few. And then, I realized how lucky I was. I realized I had to pay it back. I owed it to other people to be their net. I had to dedicate my life to being there to catch anyone who needed it.”

Dick’s anger is not an explosive, severed heads in a duffle bag kind of anger. After Dick’s parents die, he was never in danger of becoming a thug or a murderer, he was in danger of losing his idealism. Anger takes the form of mistrust, disconnection, and apathy in Dick. It’s “blaming everyone for the evil of a few”. It’s closing himself off from the world and all the love the world offers.

When one is faced with the type of acute trauma young Dick survived, it’s easy for that experience to make you selfish and isolated. Becoming the Robin to Bruce’s Batman saves Dick from this worldview. Robin gifts Dick a world of connections - from the bond he forms with Bruce and Alfred, to the people he saves every night on the streets. This is what Gardener is not understanding. There are evil people in the world. The world itself may even be cruel. But that’s not the point. The point is the friends you make along the way, the people you catch in your net. By limiting his scope to the people he can reach, Dick is able to love the whole world.

The Gardener, moved by Dick’s and Midnighter’s pleas, allows them to teleport to Tel-Aviv and save the day. The Fist of Cain are disguised as the band Sin by Silence; they intend to unleash the power of the Paragon brain at a concert for peace. “But I want you to answer a question Tel-Avi,” lead singer Clutch asks the crowd. “Who are you? What do you hold inside? Is it love? Is that what you believe?”

So far Dick himself has not dropped the L word. He speaks around it, citing family and catching people when they fall - terms and phrases that absolutely do share the same meaning as love, but don’t sound as cheesy when said aloud. Clutch is able to speak directly to the central dramatic questions of this issue on Dick’s behalf: “Who are you? What do you hold inside? Is it love? Is that what you believe?” Notice here how the order of Clutch’s questions directly ties the construction of identity to a belief system of love. Clutch intends to subvert this by proving that the true self of all people is a murderer, but Dick Grayson answers those questions in the affirmative. It is love that he holds inside of him. That is the belief he is devoted to. That is who he is.

Helena is starting to understand that. When Dick comes to her rescue, she succumbs to the power of the Paragon brain and attacks him.“Agent 37.” She corrects for his true identity. “Dick. You—abandoned me! I hate you! Kill you!” Dick dodges her attack and Helena is able to come to her senses and realize the impact that Paragon brain is having on her.

“I’m too angry, Dick. I have too much hate,” she says, confessing to Dick her own construction of identity. “I’ve killed. And I’ll do it again. I can’t…I’m too weak even with the Hypnos to get anywhere near the Paragon brain.” It’s only after Helena tells both Dick and herself who she is that she is able to tell Dick who he is. “But you, Dick Grayson. You have no hate. You would never take a life. Everything you do…it’s...”

She kisses him. It’s an appropriate action for her speech as this is all but a declaration of love. It’s a declaration of Dick’s nobility, the very thing both Midnighter and Helena were scrutinizing in the last issue. Helena says Dick has “no hate” but I think another way of saying that is that Dick is full of love. Kissing Dick “clear[s] [her] mind a little”, freeing Helena of the Paragon brain’s influence. Where once Helena flirted with Dick to assert her identity as the better spy, now she kisses him to center herself as someone who won’t give into hatred and mass murder. She kisses Dick as a way back to her identity, just as she lead Dick back to his identity in Grayson #4. They depart, refocused on the mission.

Dick eventually makes it on stage to destroy the Paragon brain. The brain, in Dick’s own words, offers him up the greatest temptation. “I—I can feel you. Whispering to me. Telling me it’s okay to abandon my code...to let go of my humanity. To fear. To h-hurt. To…k-kill”. And Dick is tempted to give into his hatred. As he recounts later to Bruce:

“I was about to smash the brain on the stage. I hated it. Hated what it had done, what it represented. I just wanted to see it in little tiny bits. But then I realized I’d be feeding the emotions the fist wanted to unleash here. I knew that the people who’d been influenced by its empathic attack wouldn’t stop if I fed it more violence. So I didn’t dash it to chunks on the stage like a guitar. I stopped. And I thought about everything I have. My family. My net. And I changed its mind.”

Dick’s ability to pause and reflect before he acts is crucial here. Even though smashing the Paragon brain to bits is ostensibly a good thing, Dick knows that actions of hatred will only beget more hatred. He has to feed the brain something different, show it a different path. He has to forgive it for making him hate it. He has to teach it about being grateful, about family, about helping people up when they fall. This is Dick’s Moon Healing Escalation moment. This is what has been at the core of his identity, since he pledged to never swerve from the path of justice in the wake of his parents’ murders. His ability to forgive, his ability to love, reminds the brain and everyone in its thrall to do the same.

The issue ends with Midnighter breaking ties with Gardener. “I can’t be surrounded by liars and murderers without becoming one myself,” he says, “I’m not like Grayson.” Dick Grayson is a person who can surround himself with liars and murderers and not become one himself. Midnighter, the man who not one issue ago was Dick’s biggest naysayer is now all but calling Dick incorruptible. Dick’s had to give up a lot of the embellishments that traditionally define him in order to be Agent 37. But he’s kept the core thing that makes him Dick Grayson: his ability to love. The people around him are starting to take notice.

CONCLUSION: SAME OLD DICK

Grayson #8 marks the shift from Act I to Act II. It’s a tying up of loose ends and the opening up of new doors to explore. The macguffin of Act I, collecting the Paragon organs, has been completed. Mr. Minos, the enigmatic boss of the last eight issues, makes his play. He attempts to kill Helena, succeeding only in wounding her. She collapses in Dick’s arms, warning him of Minos’ betrayal. At the same time, Minos attempts to kill Tiger with the newly reassembled Paragon. Dick saves him and they work together to defeat the creature that has the powers of the Justice League. Even the Hadrian girls get to have their hero moment in this fight. Minos’ reassembled Paragon has a flaw the original did not: its heart. The baby Dick saved in the desert still claims the organ as her own. Dick does the one thing he’s been avoiding for the last eight issues: he picks up a gun and takes the killshot. He shoots the creature right where its heart would be. Tiger is astounded. “Agent 8 said you were a horrible shot!” Dick responds as an Agent of Spyral should, “Yeah, well, that’s what spies do. We lie.” This is the triumphant defeat of the villain. In this moment, Dick is able to incorporate Agent 37 into his self-identity without completely shattering the construction of self that came before. Being Agent 37 did not break Dick Grayson; Agent 37 is now another aspect of Dick Grayson. Dick Grayson still endures.

Meanwhile, Minos is killed off by the even more enigmatic Agent Zero. She calls Minos bait, a “cliched bat villain” meant to “attract Grayson into [our] web”. It’s clear she will be our new main antagonist. If Act I asked ‘Who is Dick Grayson?’, Act II will ask ‘Who is Spyral?’ Issue #8 ends with a tagline for Act II: “A NEW MISSION! A NEW PARTNER! SAME OLD DICK!”

Same Old Dick is the best conclusion I can think of for Grayson Act I’s thematic exploration of Dick’s identity. Grayson stripped Nightwing and Robin away from Dick, separated him from Batman and the entire Batfamily, and placed him into a situation that routinely demanded he forsake his own personal morals. And yet, somehow, Dick is still the Same Old Dick.

This is the brilliance of Grayson, its ability to synthesize such contradictions. Grayson is both a tongue-in-cheek parody of the spy genre at the same time it’s an earnest spy thriller. It’s both an interrogation and celebration of DC superheroics. It is a story about mistrust, loneliness, and isolation…but also one about friendship, the importance of the connections we form with other people. It’s a story about Dick Grayson, forced out of his element and into the shadows of espionage, still shining brightly as the heart of the DCU.

#dick grayson #dick grayson meta #grayson #grayson (2014)#grayson meta #agent 37 #DC comics meta #batfamily #Bruce Wayne #helena bertinelli #tiger king of kandahar #Midnighter #grayson10 #nightwing #spyral #monthly mod meta #mod post

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emcscared-whumps · 1 year

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WRITING RESOURCES

This post will be updated with new entries Last updated: 01 Aug, 2024 See the Updated Version!

WRITING TIPS & RESOURCES

ASL: Technicques to Write Signed Dialogue

Disability Writing Guides (Another resource post)

Disabilities that You Should Consider Representing in Your Writing More Part 1 (Another esource post)

Editing Service (by @concerningwolves)

Emotional Intelligence in Conflict

Ellipsus, the New Collaborative Writing Tool

Difficult Chapters

Drafting: Four Methods for Highly Anxious Individuals

Writing Disability: Overused Tropes

General Writing Resources Post (Collaborative)

Lay or Lie

MS Word Shortcuts Guide

Niel Gaiman Teaches the Art of Storytelling

Platonic Relationship Development

Passive Voice Advice

Publishing

On Punctuating Speech

Scene Transition

Sentence Ending Pointers

YA MacGuffins and Games, A Trope Analysis

Your Readers Don't Know - The Truth of the First 30 Pages

Weirdly Specific but Helpful Character Building Questions

The Writer's Sus Resources Post

The Writer's Workbook

WHUMP

The Anatomy of Kill Blows (Collaborative)

The Biology of Human Survival (Life and Death in Extreme Environments), by Claude A. Piantadosi

Whump Events (A linked Google doc by @whumpsday )

Whump Reference Books (A linked list created by @bump-of-whump )

Whump Resources (A resource post by @a-crumb-of-whump , how to start a whump blog, oc advice, advice on motivation and dealing with discouragement, and games

Iron Comb (Iron combs for processing wood/flax fibre used as a torture device in historical settings)

Mer Whump Bingo by @a-crumb-of-whump

The Whumpy Printing Press is Open for Submissions for Publication of Whumpy Novels!

WOUNDS, INJURIES, & TRAUMA

GSW Recovery - [A] [B] [C]

Malnutrition

Migraines

Passing out from pain

PTSD Dreams

Scar Tissue Info

Sleep Deprivation

Writing Traumatic Injuries Resources (Another resource post)

More Resources for Writing Injuries (Another resource post)

WEAPONS

Gun information

The Safety and Mechanism of a Bolt Action Rifle

Bolt Action Rifle Mechanism (Animated diagram)

Semiautomatic Rifle Mechanism (Animated diagram)

Pump Action Rifle Mechanism (Animated diagram)

CLOTHING

African Women's Fashion (Outfit examples video)

Lady's Clothes Guide

Men's Fashion Guide

Men's Suits Guide

Period Clothing References

Shirt types

Vintage Fashion Clips (Saved for scarf pin :))

MISC

African Hair Care and FAQ

Art Resources and References (Another resource post)

Creating a Chinese Name

Writing Deaf, Mute, or Blind Characters

Place Description Aid...?

Directional Hearing Underwater

Drawing Fat Simple

General Cane Guide

Ideas to Consider when Creating BIPOC Characters

POC Stock Photos

Wheelchair References for Art and Writing (features images)

Whump Community Directory (Tumblr blogs)

Wikipedia Monster Compilation Pages for People (Another resource post)

If there're any broken links, please let me know!

#emc's shit #writing resources #whump resources #i store neat shit i find :3 #2nd link in the entry of the whump category is missing??????

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needfantasticstories · 6 months

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Hi again, @twistedstoryteller!

Okay, LU recs off the top-ish of my head in a sort of organized-ish order:

AUTHORS!

Angst, Action, and Mixed:

Faerule and the No Good Very Bad Road Trip by ImperialKatwala, PolynomialPandemic is a great "Chain Meets Hyrule" fic.

@gintrinsic-writing is phenomenal. A gem. I love all of it, but check the tags to find ones you're comfortable with. AO3 Blood Like Yours is my personal favorite, and the sequel Like Fire in Your Veins by @pocketramblr are both about Hyrule's Blood Curse from Adventures of Link. M for Violence for most of them, but check tags to be sure. If you like it, consider also...

Protector of the Golden Power by Sillus Hyrule centric but he has a different secret.

@somer-writes has a lot of great short one shots, some darker than others. My personal favorite is a sort of character study of the boys at their lowest and how they recover called "Depletion"

For a Sliver of Sunlight by tirsynni: Warrior's dedication to his brothers makes him question his title as Hero.

What are You to a God Slayer by Secretlysheikah BAMF Sky

Brethren in a Cradle by Skyward_Arpeggio BABY!!!! It is adorable, if a bit sad at the start.

Always Darkest Before the Dawn (Linked Universe Whumptober 2023) by Skyward_Arpeggio because in general they don't go above T ratings and write excellent fics.

this year it taught me (lost and ambitious) by qar Also EXCELLENT writer. "Sky has a separate moment with each member of the team"

Whumptober 2023 by Arecaceae Great fics! Plus, "Each story will have warnings in the tags and the story notes as well as a 0-5 whump rating. The ratings will be relative to my writing, so my 5 might not be equivalent to someone else's 5. I don't write MCD, extreme gore, non-con, or extreme emotional angst."

Major's Whumptober 2023 by major_de_speed Major's are also quite clean despite the M rating which is more about the violence.

Linkeduniverse Shorts by Skyward_Arpeggio LU Short fics

A Royal Castletown Wedding by Skyward_Arpeggio This story is so good!!!!!!!!!

Whumptober 2022 by Arecaceae more great fics, rated T.

LU Whump Dump by UnexpectedStormy (ArtemiStorm) need AO3 account to read, but worth it! Linked Universe Whumpy One-Shots, rated T.

There's one I'm missing, and when I find it I'll add it here. It involves a cursed magical artifact that Legend messes with... it's intense.

Fluffier Fics:

Frosty Reception by Skyward_Arpeggio "Four’s glad to finally be home again, and he’s not the only one happy at his return." Cute fic!

S’more Stories by Ginger375 "A collection of drabbles and mini-fics for LUtober! Day 31: Costumes"

Sentiment by Arecaceae

nine heroes, one spirit by Imjustherefortheangst, uncleskyrule (unclemoriarty) tons of great short fics, all with G-T ratings

Finding Family by Tashacee "AU where Wild's scars are a lot worse and he isn't used to interacting with people. The Chain think their new brother is dope af and are determined to make him feel at home."

My Heart's Forsaken Me by sister_dear "Four looses his sword in the heat of battle, and it's picked up by someone else... Time’s aren’t the only secrets coming to light, and the gang discovers they still have a thing or two to learn from each other."

Ambush at the Bridge by JinxedRuby Very action and healing oriented fic, multiple perspectives on one event.

Dark Clouds on the Horizon by CubanCracker62 "he Chain ends up in Wild's era shortly before the events of TotK."

There are worse ways to stay alive by EliotRosewater one shots rated T.

Crack Fics:

Misplaced Heroes by notOK this had me busting out laughing SO MANY TIMES!

Peak Gremlin Energy by defenestration_nation "Fics focusing on various Links being chaotic gremlins"

Not Necessarily LU, but Adjacent or just LoZ:

Blood of the Hero by Skye_the_Lofty_Nutcase: (Wild) Link's parents have to step in to save him when the Shrine of Resurrection gets damaged. His parents are so well written, and Abel makes appearances in LU-related/adjacent fics, The Many Misadventures of Dad Squad and Dad Squad AU by Nancyheart, Silver_Captain82403, Skye_the_Lofty_Nutcase

which is part crack and part angst, mostly lighthearted.

Don't Worry Man, I'm from the Yiga Clan: Link makes a Yiga friend due to being a delightful chaos gremlin.

Feature MCD... but might be worth it:

And Still the Cradle Blooms by Solistrix: GORGEOUS literary masterpiece. The writing is unreal. It's descriptions and emotions are incredible. This is more like finding the meaning in eventual death, so of the three here I suspect you'll like this one best as far as not being too hurt by the character's mentioned end.

This is an Adjuration: I'll be real, this is full of action and excitement but yes, it has MCD and is making me cry, but it's also REEEEAAALLY good!

Blood Drops on Roses by HotCheetohatred Fantastic storytelling! Wild centric, Twi is big brother but from day one of Wild's journey. Unreliable young Wild as narrator is an absolute delight. Unfinished, no MCD yet, but it's in the tags so no promises.

Modern AUs for not-big-on-modern-au fans:

As a fellow not-seeker of modern AUs, I personally have enjoyed the following

@skyward-floored Incredibles AU

Wild’s Wolf by HotCheetoHatred "Modern AU where young Wild is a feral forest child, raised by Wolf Twilight. He is captured, separated from Twilight, and put under observation. Time helps him escape." Unfinished, and I admit personal bias here because HotCheetoHatred is my BETA reader.

ARTISTS!!!

@ovegakart: amazing action, gut-busting humor, and captivating storytelling! Does comics

@la-sera: beautiful, ethereal, and gorgeous illustrations and a great storyteller, loves downfall duo but does every one of the boys justice

@dfanart: HILARIOUS and such heartfelt emotions on them boys.

@kikker-oma great art from fluff to whump to action

@1caru has so many fluffy LU gems!

@linderosse has a Zelda's meet AU, does LU, and much more!

@lele5429 great illustrations and abstract pieces of LU fanart.

@theecholegend hahaha... arson.

@ikaishere has so many cute LU ones.

@thepinklink fabulous LU character sketches

@hiimgin BIAS! I got to work with them and they are FABULOUS!

@pluviatrix has art for their fic And Still the Cradle Blooms

@cherrypaii has fantastic illustrations of these boys!

AND MANY, MANY MORE!

(Commenters, please add artists I forgot. I know there are a ton Im missing!!)

Hope this helps you feel welcome!

#WELCOME TO LU!#linked universe #lu fic recs #skiprambles #loz fanart i love #fic recommendation

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ihathbenobiwankenobied · 1 year

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Obi-Wan Hurt/Comfort and Whump Rec 1: Long Fics

Some of my favorite multi-chaptered or longer form fics (>10K). These are whump, sickfics, angst fics, and hurt/comfort with some very general tags and descriptions. Please make sure you note the tags on ao3 before reading.

I tried to tag everyone I could find here on tumblr, but if you see your fic and want a tag, let me know and I'll add it in. To all the writers, thank you for these fics, I have read each of them multiple times and I am fucking in love with all of them.

Here we go, in no particular order:

Good Man of War - scrapathon

Codywan, OC clones and medics, 16.2K

This fic is so well written and it has some really well-characterized OC clones, including clone medic Zero, as well as a bit of codywan (which I can't resist).

Things Hidden, Things Forgotten- sospes

Codywan, Zygerria/Kadavo arc, 23.5K

This writer has some of the best codywan fics on their roster, but this one absolutely destroys me everytime. This fic covers Zygerria and gets into some of the emotional aspects of the experience for Obi-Wan.

Shoulder the Sky - @kcrabb88

Quinobi, rewritten ending for Palpatine, 149.4K

This fic is part one of the Shoulder the Sky Verse series and is one of my favorite fics of all time. This fic is incredibly detailed, and every character get's their time in the spotlight. The Obi-Wan whump is absolutely delicious, and lasts basically the entirety of this fic. The plot follows Obi-Wan's discovery of the identity of Darth Sidious and how this changes the course of the end days of the Clone Wars.

Whispers from the Dead - @kcrabb88

Quinobi, PTSD and medical trauma, 210K as of 8.14.2023 (WIP)

Another part of the Shoulder the Sky Verse series (please read the fic above first). This fic is a WIP and every time there is a new chapter I drop everything to read it. Equally as emotionally damaging, equally as much whump, and equally perfect characterizations of every single character. I won't spoil the plot, but it's a perfect continuation of the series.

Gaping Hollow - Walpger

Gen - Obi-Wan, Cody, and Ahsoka, Force-exhaustion and hypothermia, 18.1K

Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Cody are trapped in a cave on the ice-planet Vandor and Obi-Wan uses the Force to keep them both warm and alive. This leads to impending Force-exhaustion. This is one of the earliest Obi-Wan-centric h/c fics I read and I love how the author describes Obi-Wan's use of the Force.

Enforced Convalescence - @swbumblebee

Gen - Obi-Wan, clones, and Jedi, sickfic/illness and fluff, 12.5K

Obi-Wan is ill and requires babysitting because he doesn't really know how to rest. This fic is endlessly soft, and Obi-Wan gets taken care of for once in his life. This author writes delightfully soft fics and this one is one of my absolute favorites.

Uja Nejah - @ijustreallylovedaredevil

Gen - Obi-Wan, OC clone medic Stim, clone troopers, Cody, diabetes and medical accuracy, 34.2K

Possibly my favorite fic of all time? Perhaps? Anything by whitchry9 is pure gold and this fic is only one example. This fic follows Obi-Wan's journey through his life as a Jedi diagnosed with diabetes. Deliciously whump, and my favorite OC clone medic, stim. You might as well read the whole series: a series of fics in which Obi Wan Kenobi having a disability somehow saves the galaxy

Iviin’hiibi te Tuur - @ijustreallylovedaredevil

Gen - Obi-Wan, OC clone medic Stim, clone troopers, Cody, epilepsy and medical accuracy, 16.4K

Surprise, surprise, yet another whitchry9 fic. This one is about Obi-Wan's life with epilepsy. This fic also has Stim and has a few extra oneshots that can be read with it.

every shadow - @kenobster

Gen - Obi-Wan, Anakin, Rex, Ahsoka, Cody, 501st, Zygerria/Kadavo arc and recovery, 34.9K as of 8.14.2023 (WIP)

This fic is a WIP and at 3/9 chapters, so I am going to to use part of the author's summary here: "during the mass casualty event following Kadavo and Zygerria, Obi-Wan and Anakin seek ways to cope with trauma." I am absolutely glued to this fic, and have already read all three chapters multiple times.

Finding Obi-Wan - @stolen-pen-name23

Gen - Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka, amnesia and angst, 86.8K

For the record, I think I read the entirety of this fic in one day because I just couldn't put it down. In this fic, Obi-Wan loses his memory and finds himself in the lower levels of Coruscant.

something inside this heart has died (you're in ruins) - revanchxst (BadWolfGirl01)

Codywan (implied or pre-slash), Zygerria/Kadavo arc, 22.6K

In this fic, Cody joins Obi-wan on the Zygerria arc rather than Rex. Very painful with a sprinkling of codywan. 1000 kudos for this fic.

The Consequences of a Crash - happygiraffe

Gen or pre-slash Obi-Wan & Anakin, crash-landing injury/infection, 44.9K

ALRIGHT. Alright. This is the first long-fic I read in this fandom, and remains one of my favorites to this day. Delicious whump, a really wonderful look at Obi-Wan and Anakin's relationship, especially as Anakin has just become a Jedi Knight. I reread this one at least once a month.

See My Dreams All Die - @hellotemporaryuniverse

Obi-Wan & Cody (implied codywan), torture by Darth Sidious, 34.7K

This fic is absolutely brutal in the best way. In this fic, Anakin dies and Sidious is looking for a new apprentice. Such good whump.

From the Same Stone - @kckenobi

Gen - Obi-Wan & Anakin, concussion and poisoning, 8.1K

I'm already breaking my own rules, because this fic is under 10K, but this fic is one of my favorites and it's just long enough that it felt like it should be included on this list. In this fic, Obi-Wan and Anakin get trapped in a mine and are slowly ingesting a toxin.

|to failure, sweet victor| - littlekaracan

Codywan, angst and physical fights, 20K

This fic is as fucking bittersweet as it gets. Absolutely destroys me with every read. This fic follows Obi-Wan and Cody on Tatooine, but Cody's chip can't be removed until it has deteriorated to a certain point. As a result, sometimes Cody isn't quite himself.

battle scars - series - @calltomuster

Gen - Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Anakin, PTSD and medical trauma, 27.2K

This series gets into some of Obi-Wan's medical trauma and why avoids medical treatment. I can't get enough of the OC clone medic, Fuzzy, and I love how well the author writes Obi-Wan's PTSD.

shoulder the sky - series - Night_Fury

Codywan, Cerasi & Obi-Wan Kenobi & Nield, Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan, PTSD, temporary death, recovery, 196.1K

What can I say about this series? Probably too much. You will just need to read it to find out. Just read it.

chronic conditions - @deniigi

Codywan and clones, epilepsy and chronic illness, 13.1K

Yet another epileptic Obi-wan fic, this one through the lens of Kix and Cody. I am absolutely mesmerized by how this author writes, and I keep going back to this one over and over again.

Six Times Ahsoka Thought Her Grandmaster Was Dead, and the One Time He Actually Was - @pandora15 and lazarusII

Gen - Obi-Wan & Ahsoka, deathfic, 12.3K

The title says it all. You will be in pain.

heavy off a golden hue - @catboydogma

Codywan, hanahaki and chronic illness, 36.7K

This is a series which looks at Obi-Wan's life with chronic Hanahaki. This is such an amazing series, another set of fics I read in one sit-down.

Suddenly this is defeat - ealcynn

Gen, Landing at Point Rain and major injury, 13.3K

This fic is in first-person POV and does an incredible job of portraying Obi-Wan's perspective on the events based on the episode Landing at Point Rain.

This incessant snow - ealcynn

Gen, Landing at Point Rain and major injury, 20.7K

Part two to the above fic. Another extremely well-written fic. I absolutely adore the way Obi-Wan is written.

We Can Be Beautiful - OuzoAthena11

Codywan, panic attacks, 23.2K

The fic summary on ao3 says it best, "Five times Obi-Wan deals with anxiety or a panic attack and one time he causes minor anxiety in someone else." Really well written and soft fic.

Count My Little Scars I've Got Dozens Inside - nuclearturtle

Codywan (as adults), angst and de-aging, 27.1K

A de-aged Obi-Wan fic where Dooku attempts to gain his trust, but inevitably, doesn't. Very angsty. Extremely angsty.

Conjuring Miracles - @kcrabb88

Gen - Obi-Wan, Leia, Tala, Vader, PTSD, 29.8K

Another one by this author. In this fic, Tala doesn't get to Obi-Wan in time, and he ends up being taken with Leia to the the inquisitor base. There, he encounters Vader.

Rapture - @galateagalvanized

Codywan, depowered character, 62.5K

I think the summary on ao3 says it best, "An independent terrorist cell has developed a weapon capable of severing the bond between a Jedi and the Living Force. They test it on High General Obi-Wan Kenobi." Wonderful whump mixed with a great story, and of course, codywan.

Always Gold - happygiraffe

Gen - Obi-Wan & Anakin, terminal illness/cancer, 10K

In this fic, Obi-Wan is dying of cancer and just wants the best for his padawan. Prepare yourself, this one hurts.

As an Obi-Wan whump writer myself, I can't help but throw a couple of my own here (not that these are by any means on par with the quality of the incredible fics above). I have linked a couple below if you are interested:

orbit me slowly

Codywan, burns and recovery, 15.3K

After an injury leaves Obi-Wan down and out, he realizes that time isn't as unlimited as he once believed

green is the colour

Codywan, sickfic and injury, 14K

Obi-Wan, sick with the flu, is cornered by hundreds of droids. Cody and Anakin come to his rescue, but there is unresolved tension between them.

Hope you all enjoy this list!

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talk-danmei-to-me · 7 days

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♡ Welcome to the #Danmei Fanfic Nightclub! ♡

A place where rather than going to the club, we bring the club to us and write fanfic. Every Friday.

At the Danmei Fanfic Nightclub, writers are treated like DJs, you can go into their ask box, request a fic based upon their menu and get a drabble in return. In the spirit of a Friday free for all, you can drop an ask at any time.

Please be aware some writers may take longer to respond than others and that timezones may affect how quickly your prompt is filled. Some of us love a walk of shame fanfic 😉

Writer's menus below the cut. Happy reading!

@talk-danmei-to-me

Ships: Tgcf, Ranwan, Wangxian, Ximang

Fic Requests: Smut, AUs, Angst

Will not write: I'll write pretty much anything apart from female versions of characters and any kind of being domestic with babies within omegaverse. Omegaverse itself is fine though. I like the world building.

Ask me about: Kingmaker, Body in the Abyss, Heart in Paradise, The Space Between

@sunbunnyyy

Ships: wangxian, nieyao, nielan, 3zun, zhuiling

fic requests: anything really!

will not write: character bashing (?) classical mpreg. i don’t really have hard limits at this point that might change later.

@sleepyssnail

Ships: Scum Villain Self Saving System

Fic Requests: AUs, hurt/comfort, fluff, humor, canon divergence, inquire for more!

Will not write: - smut (may change in the future, but not right now), kinks, non con, or dehumanization

@isolapyrena

Ships: I'll have a go at any 2ha, Yuwu, SVSSS or TGCF but my favourite characters for having their own new stories are Mei Hanxue, Liu Qingge and Feng Xin and I have no problem in solving romantic lost causes with threesomes.

Fic Requests: anything within reason. I like fix its best.

Will not write: - Anything tasteless. Not intentionally anyway.

@yiling-laozu-is-loml

Fic Requests: Humour, banter, AUs, Angst, Major Character Death/last moments/mourning, fluff, parent-child relationship (not necessarily parent...like wwx and juniors type), idiots in love, canon compliant (no cql sorry, only novel/donghua canon)

Ships: I'll happily write: Wangxian, Mingxian, Xixian, Hanxian (wrh/wwx), Sangxian, Songxiao, Xisang (lxc/nhs)

Can write: platonic dynamics like junior trio/quartet, Wen siblings + Wei Wuxian, Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian, Jin Guangyao and Wei Wuxian, etc, feel free to ask and maybe I CAN write them. Other than that, any bottomxian m/m ships are those I am more inclined to write compared to others (romantic) including Chengxian

Won't write: f/m ships like romantic Wen Qing/Wei Wuxian, Mianmian/Wei Wuxian, etc, polyamorous couples, Wei Wuxian/cql original character

Will not write: smut (unless i feel confident enough and in that case, switchxian or topxian), infidelity, animal death, miscarriage/child death, polyamory, F/M...i think thats it. Oh and anything with cql elements or jiang clan/jiang cheng positive (unless its chengxian)

@etherealiity

Ships: Ranwan, Bingqiu, Bingjiu, Jiuyuan, Tianjiu, Moshang, Wangxian, xiyao, 3zun, xuexiao, xueyao, sangcheng, cezhou, TYK, wenzhou

Fic Requests: Canonverse, AUs, smut, angst, hurt/comfort, comedy, horror

Will not write: - anything like bathroom kinks (watersports, scat play, etc.) or mpreg

Ask me about: trembling before the machinery of other skeletons

@scholomancefan

Pairings: Scum Villain Self Saving System

Fic Requests: comedy, angst, smut

Will not write: fluff unless it's kidfic

@fiftysevenacademics

Ships: Wangxian

Tropes: Fluff, Angst, Crack

Will not write: Smut, High School AUs

@marloviandevil

Ships: HuaXuan, HeHuaLian, PeiFengQing, and any variation of the aforementioned ships involving either all of them or just two of them. No seriously.

Fic Requests: Smut, overall silliness, crack, fluff, fix-it, idiots in love, uncanny ghost kings, ABO. kinks (bondage, praise, worship, waxplay)

Will not write: Horror, whump, hurt without comfort, character death.

Ask me about: Feel free to ask me about the pool noodle ships, if you're brave enough.

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rvb-canon-tuckington · 5 months

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here are some "quick" rvb restoration thoughts before i go to bed that i may expand upon later, in no particular order:

this movie was ABOUT tucker but tucker is not in it. there is a tucker sized hole. we see tucker only a little bit more than we see donut, but tucker is still there the whole time!!! at the beginning, i was excited for the tucker whump, but does it count if not a single character reacts to the truly horrifying news that their friend has been controlled for a few months by eight or nine ais, at least two of which have tried to kill him and everyone you love before? like even if they had retconned red and blue teams being friends (which they didn't), you're telling me that we never get to see wash's reaction to this news? carolina's? two people who lost a different friend to this exact gruesome process of de-personing? no one ever tells carolina that tucker is in there and no one objects when tex goes to fucking decapitate him? like i get that caboose was the only person to see that tucker was actually still in there, and he can't really be trusted to communicate things clearly, but they could have even just included some sort of discussion where they decide that they think that tucker would rather be dead than be dragged along in this parody of life (and with the way the ais were torturing him, he probably would have agreed.)

speaking of caboose knowing that tucker is still in there - grif and simmons abandoning caboose rubbed me SO wrong. usually if a character is trying not to involve themselves, they'll "run away" to the nearest place to hide, not GET ON A SHIP TO FLY AWAY LEAVING CABOOSE TO DIE AT POSSESSED TUCKER'S HANDS. i get why they (the writers) did it, but that doesn't mean i have to like it lol

why weren't they FRIENDS ANYMORE

where was donut

what was that wash b-plot. what did the wash b-plot add?? what it did: make me feel weird about dr. grey's character, kill doc off screen, and make wash useless in the main plot. what it did not do: make sense. when did wash get injured post chorus? why is he hallucinating, period? why was he institutionalized? (and why is the room number the same as his prison number?) why did they spend so much time on it for it to have no real conclusion? they didn't need to have this weird "wash is hanging onto the past via doc" plot to have the carolina-wash-freelancer ghost heart-to-heart. (also i have never laughed so hard as when i saw the post pointing out that they left wyoming out bc neither my friend or i noticed lol) why wouldn't he know there was a manual way to activate the recovery beacon since he was LITERALLY recovery one? so many questions, no answers. what have you done to my boy, burnie.

the pacing was ATROCIOUS. nothing happened for the first half of the movie, a bunch of stuff happened in the second half, and none of it felt resolved.

where was donut

why was everyone separated at the beginning? why was no one worried about it? where was donut? where was carolina? why was no one worried about where tucker was? had caboose been the lone blue for the few months that tucker was gone and wash was hospitalized? genuinely, my friend and i thought that the reds and caboose had been mind wiped and dropped into their undisclosed locations without knowing why, and the plot was gonna be them all reuniting and piecing together what had happened and getting tucker back. alas.

it felt like it was the grif-simmons-caboose show, which was interesting because that's not a problem i feel like i've had before with this show. even if i saw less of a particular character than i wanted to. they usually have a pretty good balance of characters and this movie felt like they suddenly Realized how many characters they had and fumbled it.

i did actually really like the tex reveal that was BOSS i LOVED IT

i have more thoughts but this is far too long already so i'll save it for later lmao

#my brain is collapsing with the number of thoughts i have #they're not all negative #its just that the negative ones are longer and more fun to talk about lol #most of these are tuckington focused bc. cmon guys. its on the tin #the no long term consequences for tucker also was weird #the man was tortured for A LITERAL DECADE #if you have tucker using the same language about ais and hallucination doc and wash then there should be similar consequences #rvb #rvb restoration #rvb restoration spoilers #red vs blue

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sincerelystesichorus · 8 months

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pale flower/canis major - halstarion fic & moodboard

Halsin caught his wrist as it descended, holding it tightly. “Fucker! I hate you!” “Astarion, please-” The druid’s tone sounded more weary than desperate, and to add to Astarion’s confusion, his free arm only pulled Astarion closer. The spawn howled and kicked at him, but Halsin kept an arm hooked around his waist, despite Astarion beginning to scratch up parts of his broad chest with his nails. Desperate to cause the druid any form of harm. Astarion felt something press into his back and his body seized suddenly then, feeling as though a cool wave had flowed over him, and he went lax. Halsin freed his wrist to grab at his mask and rip it off, tossing it across the room. Astarion collapsed momentarily against the wood elf, regaining his bearings. His face was soaked, his head ached in the way only the tadpole caused, and his body was still trembling, but he was in it again. - (Or, the one where Astarion temporarily succumbs to Ethel.)

5.1k words. Enemies to friends to lovers. Whump. Angst w/ a satisfying ending. Hurt/comfort. Warning: Major Cazador Szarr mention ew.

[Installment 4 in my Bloodbear saga and one of my favorites (: Each chapter is its own separate character study for the dear and awful vampire, but it definitely holds more weight altogether.

pt. 1

series page]

⭑

#halstarion #astarion #halsin #astarion x halsin #bloodbear #bg3 #bg3 fanfiction #cazador szarr #sswcbh #ao3 writer #ao3 author #ao3feed #fanfic #whump #words words words #save me enemies to lovers

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the-whumpening · 29 days

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Re: Anonymous hate messages

[Image ID: Screenshot of an anonymous message sent to me, @the-whumpening. Several lines have been annotated by me with colored highlights. All text has been transcribed exactly as typed. The message reads:

i would not be protecting a (yellow) pedophile and incest supportor (/end yellow) but for each their own!:)))

(green) we do not claim (/end green) (blue) her. she (/end blue) (green) is not even doing "whump" at this point. (/end green) just plain (yellow) depraved pedoincest fantasy stories (/end yellow) while thinking (blue) she (/end blue) has (purple) one more personality every week. people do not need to see that, (/end purple) it is not okay. none of it is. (orange) maybe all those bans should have been a sign. /End Image ID]

As expected, I received my first ever hate message after talking about the situation with "antis" attacking whump community members. The "proship"/"anti-proship" debate has been around for fucking ages, and I'm personally sick of it, but I thought this would be a good teachable moment for any younger/less-internet-savvy folks here.

This ^ is trolling. Whether they believe everything they said or not, ultimately their goal was to rile up emotions and cause friction. Having been on the internet a good, long time (my main blog is from like 2009, y'all), I have seen my fair share of trolls. I've fallen for a few, too. It's inevitable. But to save your sanity and help you all deal with users like this, I've decided to share this message and break down the clues that told me it's not worth interacting with.

Yellow Highlights: What I've highlighted in yellow are the "scare words," I'll call them. They're flinging the most extreme, most obscene terms they can think of at the situation, even if it doesn't fit, because they're trying to scare me in to either complying or arguing. Nobody looks good if they're "arguing for" incest or pedophilia. They're setting up a no-win situation where my position looks absurd and unsupportable. Edit to add: my position, by the way, is that you can write/make whatever you want as long as you tag it appropriately and post it where it abides by the Terms of Service, which my friend did. I do not support censorship of any kind. I didn't think it needed to be said but I don't "support" real life pedophilia and incest, either. No one does, including my friend who was banned. That's a nonsense claim.

Blue Highlights: I referred to the specific user who got banned by his preferred pronouns in my original post. I exclusively used he/him, multiple times. By using she/her in this message, I know this user isn't arguing in good faith because either A) they didn't read my post clearly and think it's about someone else, or B) they're intentionally misgendering my friend. You cannot argue with someone who isn't approaching in good faith.

Green Highlights: This anon says that "we" don't claim the user I mentioned as a part of the whump community and that "[he's] not even doing "whump" anymore." Here we have a logical fallacy: that user doesn't belong here because they're "not a real whump writer." They've essentially made up a rule to exclude this person, and that justifies (to them) how that person was treated. (Who is "we," by the way? Anon is implying that they are aligned with the majority of the community, thus threatening to place me as an outsider.)

Purple Highlights: Blatantly ableist rhetoric towards someone who presumably has Dissociative Identity Disorder. As above, they're trying to justify why it's okay to bully and harass someone off the platform. "People do not need to see that." Nonsense. We don't exclude anyone from the community on the basis of their disability. Once again, Anon is not engaging in good faith.

Orange Highlight: Finally, their closing line feels like a threat. They claim that this user should have expected to be harassed, even that they deserved it. They imply that being banned/reported automatically implies guilt, regardless of the fact we know tumblr staff is less than charitable regarding bans--especially with queer and disabled users, and double especially anyone who posts any kind of remotely mature content (like your standard whump fare). We all remember waves of transfem users being banned out of the blue this year, as well as anyone sticking up for them. It happens all the time. I also mentioned in my original post that this user had been mass reported multiple times which led to his bans, which I think the gravity of is missed here. He was targeted, multiple times, by a ton of people falsely accusing him of breaking Terms of Service. Mass reports are rarely trustworthy, imho, and especially not if they happen to the same user multiple times. You know what most folks do if they don't like a person's content or behavior? They block them and move on. Maybe a single, accurate report if it seems necessary, but a reasonable person should never sic their followers on other users to mass report or harass. It's bad internet etiquette, and it has been for decades. The golden rule of the internet: if you don't like someone, block them and move on! If it sucks, HIT DA BRICKS!

And that's why I did not respond directly to this anonymous message. Nothing in its content gave me any indication that Anon and I could have a real conversation and gain an understanding of one another. I hope this helps some of you deal with any potential hateful messages you receive. The goal, above all, is to push you to an emotional high and make you have an angry outburst on them. That's what trolls feed off of. And if there's one thing being on the internet for longer than some of you have been alive has taught me: don't feed the trolls. Do not engage. Do not argue. Delete or block, and move on as much as possible. Turning off anonymous asks (or asks in general!) is always okay. Remember: you alone control your internet experience. You curate what you do and don't want to see and what kind of interactions you allow. Blocking is always an option. Turning off replies is always an option. Filtering tags is always okay. Be better than these folks, and remember you are in control of what you see and do--but you cannot control anyone else.

Side note: I did get a very lovely message from someone (who I will not name to prevent harassment) showing me support and being really kind, so that 1000% makes up for shitty messages like this.

#whumpblr #whump #writeblr #whump community #not whump #discourse

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devirnis · 6 days

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

Ahh thank you so much!

The Shadows of Every Spark | teen, 22.9k words, criminals au, buddie/madney

My most beloved restaurant AU. I love that this started out as a joke but then I got attached, and it means so much to me that so many people have loved this 'verse as well! Writing AUs has never been a strong suit of mine but I'm really proud of how it turned out

When You Need Me | teen, 5k words, buck & bobby (background buddie)

Buck & Bobby's relationship is one of my favourite on the show, so I really loved diving into Bobby's perspective during some Buck whump

Burning Up | teen, 13k words, buddie

My first (and arguably most iconic?) whump fic! It still holds a very special place in my heart

come and save me from it | teen, 6k words, bucktommy

I love me some Buck whump, and it was fun to explore it with a different romantic relationship at the core of it - while still keeping Buck & Eddie's relationship a central part of it as well. And the response to this one blew me away

let you set the pace | explicit, 24k words, buddie

It amuses me greatly that this is my fic with the most hits (by a wide margin) but barely cracked the top 10 for kudos. This is just straight up filth, the spirit of horniness possessed me when I was writing it, I don't know if I can ever top it for kinktober again

#ali answers #tizniz

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azure-firecracker · 27 days

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The X-Files Season 3 Review (First-Time Watcher)

Wahoo, we’re back! And just in time before I head off to school. I don’t know if it was the pre-college nerves or just the consistency of this season, but I blazed through this. It’s either the fastest I’ve ever binged a season of this length or close to it (barring times where I’ve been sick).

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure where the show was going to go following the high drama of season 2. I said in my Season 2 Review that the season resembled an alien soap opera, a tone I felt suited the show extremely well. But the events of Season 2 were so incredibly high-stakes that I wasn’t sure the show could keep up the high-drama tone. I mean, you can’t get much more high stakes than the Season 2 abduction arc.

As it turned out, the show’s solution was yet another tonal switch. While Season 1 (read my review of that here) felt like a riff on campy sci-fi stories, and Season 2 felt like a dark alien soap opera, Season 3 adopted the tone of a fast-paced film-noir action style movie. Our agents were in fights! They were running after villains! They were firing at bad guys!They were jumping onto trains! It was very high-stakes and exciting, but in an adrenaline-rush sort of way rather than mimicking the desperate, melancholic vibes of Season 2.

While my personal subjective tastes do tend more towards the high-drama vibe of Season 2, I think the action-movie energy suited the show (and the writers) well. The episodes in this season were consistently good at grabbing my attention and keeping it. Due to the fast pace and the constant reveal of new information, I felt like I was always running right alongside Mulder and Scully, racing to find new information and uncover each twist and turn. And if I were to describe this season in one word, it would be consistent. The show writers clearly perfected this fast-paced-film-noir vibe and found a comfortable rhythm creating it. This season had the longest unbroken stretch of fantastic episodes yet, and VERY few misses. More on that in the individual episode reviews.

I think this season’s new energy served Scully well as a character. I said in my Season 1 review that I was irritated with Mulder always taking the lead in investigations, and I felt like it was his mental journey that we were watching, since he was the believer and always right. While that wasn’t my main problem with Season 2, the Mulder-sole-protagonist feeling was still somewhat present. It makes sense: Mulder, as the more angsty and openly emotional of the two, is well-suited to being the main character of a cosmic drama. But Scully, with her sharp observation skills and calm demeanor under pressure, is well-suited to being the main character of a film-noir-action case. I was happy to see her taking the lead several times this season, both in solving cases, but also in becoming more assertive in going after information and figuring out a ton of clues. Her intelligence was showcased so well across so many episodes! I even felt like she got more camera time this season - a testament to the fact that she and Mulder are becoming equals in the eyes of the show. This was the first season where I 100% felt like they were equals (and the first season where Scully outnumbers Mulder in rescues! Yahoo!)

My whump-addicted heart did miss all the saving each other, but at the same time, I’m glad we got a break after Season 2. (A WHOLE SEASON WITHOUT SCULLY GETTING KIDNAPPED! I REJOICED!)

I don’t have many gripes about this season. It was just very consistently high-quality and consistent with itself, though I will say that its consistency made me more irritated with less stellar episodes than I would have been in Season 1 or Season 2. This is probably reflected in my episode ratings. I also think that, while it made sense to do a tonal shift, I could have used just a few more emotional moments in the vein of Season 2. While the stakes aren’t quite so dire this season, it’s still MSR and raw moments between them are part of what keep me coming back to the show. I could have used a little more of that.

My biggest complaint is that I felt like the mytharc episodes got a lot worse after Blessing Way/Paper Clip. I loved the Season 2 mytharc episodes because they directly tied into Mulder and Scully’s story, and the emotional stakes were just as high as the physical ones. Season 3 mytharc episodes had a little too much infodumping and not as much emotional weight as I would have liked. We got SO MANY scenes of Cancer Man or someone else from that group of old white men that I don’t care about talking on the phone and being ominous. A little bit is okay, but at a certain point, I ceased to care.

But overall I felt that this season was VERY strong and VERY binge-able (look no further on your next sick day!) Especially the middle-end of the season I felt was pretty damn near flawless.

Individual episode reviews under the cut:)

The Blessing Way/Paper Clip: A BANGER of a season opener. Easily the best opener the show has done so far. This is what I mean when I talk about balancing infodumping with emotional stakes. We learned so much about the government’s shady behavior and its history, but its ties to Mulder’s father and Scully’s abduction kept it emotionally relevant enough for me to stay invested. Mulder’s borderline-afterlife stint was giving hardcore protagonist energy in a bit of a clichéd way, but it’s okay because at least the Blessing Way ritual is real and they didn’t just make it up (I wouldn’t put it past them). Skinner came through this episode - I know he’s a bit morally ambiguous but I like him! And God, Melissa😭 This death hits so hard because it’s deeply unnecessary, and that’s what makes it so tragic. The scene at the end with Mulder and Scully in the hospital was absolutely beautiful. 10/10

D.P.O: This is what I mean when I say this season made me less forgiving of mediocrity than I would have been back in Season 1. This would have been a totally fine Season 1 episode, but here, especially coming off of Blessing Way/Paper Clip, it was just kind of meh. Not much to say about anything here (except Jack Black! Cool!) 4/10

Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose: Hooray another comedic episode! But also deeply emotionally poignant, and walking the line very well. Peter Boyle was a phenomenal guest star, bringing a mix of humor and genuine grief that was absolutely perfect. Also my comments about Scully being more of a leader this season? This is what I meant! She got so much camera time! She was the one bonding with their important magic person! She solved the case based off of A THREAD OF FABRIC LIKE SOME AGATHA CHRISTIE DETECTIVE! She shot the killer and saved Mulder! What an icon she is. Obviously 10/10

The List: I know this is a well-liked one, but for me, I couldn’t bring myself to enjoy it. I watch this show for supernatural angst and escapism, not to watch prisoners get unfairly treated and beaten up in a way that feels a little too real. Plus Scully was acting lowkey OOC this episode. I just didn’t enjoy watching prisoners get horrifically beaten up, and even though I’m not supposed to enjoy it and the episode is making a point, what can I say? I didn’t enjoy it. Objectively this is probably an 8/10 but closer to a 5.5/10 for me subjectively.

2Shy: Another one where I have to admit my own biases. I did not appreciate the way this episode treated fat people, as a chubby girl myself who can get a tad insecure when watching shows from this era. The episode kept trying to pretend all of these not-even-that-fat women were ugly when they were not (not that being fatter is bad, but it just goes to show how insane 90s body standards were). It just…was not a good time for me, even though it’s objectively a decent monster of the week, I guess. I propose this alternate ending: the fat women being targeted all actually have fulfilling lives, do not need this creep for anything, they all band together and get to beat him to a pulp. Army of beautiful fat women saves the day. Anyway, objectively probably a 6/10, subjectively at more of a 2/10

The Walk: What happened in this episode? I think I fell asleep. But also it was yet again unnecessarily dark and realistic! This is a 2/10

Oubliette: I have mixed feelings on this one. I know what it was trying to do, but for the first time in terms of Mulder trauma episodes, I think it missed the mark a bit. Scully was acting weirdly mean for half of it, and I wish that they’d developed Mulder’s relationship with Lucy a little more. The ending scenes were fantastic, but would have been even more fantastic with the proper buildup. I’ll give this one a 7/10

Nisei/731: And so begins this season’s phenomenal streak! This was an excellent two-parter! While not as emotional as the opening episodes, it was a well-done, high-stakes, fast-paced action story with lots of twists and turns. I loved the ambiguity around what was aliens vs. the government, those super tense scenes between Scully and X (that’s what we call him, right?), Mulder jumping onto the train, Scully getting the exit code from the tape (another noir detective moment!), and of course, X getting Mulder out of that train, adding to the moral complexity of his character. I did feel that Nisei was mostly 731 setup and couldn’t stand as well on its own (a theme of this season), but I still adored this. 9.5/10

Revelations: An episode I don’t see brought up a lot, but I adored! I loved the role reversal of sorts between Scully and Mulder, the episode really allowing Scully to take center stage and be the hero, exploring her relationship with life and religion and her job and her science…all wonderful! Also her relationship with Kevin was so sweet, and her getting the answer off the recycling bin…once again, noir detective moment! And the ending confession scene? Poetry. This was a 10/10 for me!

War of the Coprophages: Comedyyyy! Lmao this was hysterical from start to finish. Some of the scientist scenes were a little boring, but every scene Scully was in was comedic gold. She’s so funny, and we don’t talk about it enough. Her at home is such a mood. Also some truly iconic lines. “Her name is Bambi?” *said with barely concealed jealousy* and of course the iconic “this is no place for an entomologist.” Hilarious. 9.75/10

Syzygy: Apparently this isn’t very well-liked, but I found Mulder and Scully’s bickering to be hilarious. Every duo fights sometimes! And I appreciated the withering humor of this whole episode. Also I liked that the villains were two teenage girls. Given the way they were talking about the other girls in their class…did they even need supernatural involvement to be pure evil? 9/10

Grotesque: I am immediately filled with a deep need for more Mulder profiling. I loved how much it brought out his darkest instincts, and how obsessive he can get about it! What an interesting and phenomenal character exploration! And I really didn’t know if he was possessed or something! Wonderful suspense! And some nice MSR moments, too! This one opens the door to SO MANY fanfic possibilities. Honestly 10/10

Piper Maru/Apocrypha: This is where those problems with the mytharc episodes that I mentioned began to show up. I loved Piper Maru, and thought it was an intriguing setup with lots of suspense, but the payoff in Apocrypha was less fulfilling. Possessed Krycek was such an interesting idea, but we barely got any of him, and the climax of them going to the empty silo was very weak in my opinion. We also got WAY too many old white men on the phone scenes to keep my interest. On the bright side, I loved everything Scully did in this two-parter. Her speech to Skinner at the beginning, her childhood nostalgia, standing guard over Skinner when he’s been shot, and then fully taking down and SCREAMING at Melissa’s killer. We NEVER hear her yell like that - major props to Gillian Anderson. Anyway this was a mixed bag. I’ll give it an 8/10

As I write this, I’m realizing that this is just Scully’s season, isn’t it? As it should be after what they did to her in Season 2.

Pusher: Favorite episode of the season (tied with one other, anyway). I love a Sherlock/Moriarty cat and mouse dynamic, and this pulled me in just like a good old murder mystery novel. Modell is a terrifying villain, his roots in normalcy just as horrifying as his power, and the way Mulder just walks right into his game because he can’t refuse, even though he knows the extent of the danger - DAMN good writing. Plus the way Scully follows Mulder into that hospital without a second thought-her loyalty knows no bounds, and Modell knows that and it makes everything so much worse. And the climactic scenes in the hospital are some of the series’ best (probably the show’s best climax so far). Of course this is a 10/10

Teso Dos Bichos: And so ends the longest streak of greatness. Oh well! This episode was pretty boring, apart from me yelling at the powers that be to please keep the composers away from what I have dubbed the ethnic flute (you know, that one instrument they play every time they’re dealing with a non-White culture). Killer cats is kind of funny I guess? And I do appreciate murdering colonizers. I guess I’ll give this a 4/10

Hell Money: Once again, please take that flute away from them. They need to stop trying to make political episodes about non-White cultures. They’re not good at it. At least they used a real Chinese festival (I looked it up!) and all of the episode’s side characters were actually engaging. I thought Detective Chao’s speech about being American-born and not fitting in with American or Chinese culture was actually pretty interesting and poignant. A small detail, but I also appreciated the use of the lesser-known Cantonese rather than Mandarin (at least according to the subtitles). I’ll give this one a 6.5-7/10 for effort.

Jose Chung’s From Outer Space: My mom said this was her favorite episode and I can see why! Some of the show’s absolute best comedic moments (all of Blaine’s narration, and of course the phenomenal pie scene-which I saw in a compilation and mentally inserted into S1 for months until I was corrected). I will say I got a little too tripped up in the unreliable narrations and alien plot to 100% appreciate the comedy, but I guess that’s kind of the point. 9.5/10

Avatar: I don’t know what the general consensus is on this one, but I really enjoyed it. I think that we’ve now spent enough time with Skinner that it was time for a look into his life - and what a compelling look it was! Characters who close themselves off seemingly for the greater good but end up damaging what matters most are so fascinating, and I liked the moral ambiguity of his guardian spirit thing. My favorite scenes were the ones in the hospital with Sharon - some DELICIOUS parallels to One Breath that had me screaming at the television. 8.5/10

Quagmire: Okay, this was hilarious and poignant and so quintessentially X-Files. But why did the dog have to die? I loved Mulder being sort of desperate for there to be a horrific monster so he could catch it. But why did the dog have to die? The conversation on the rock was amazing and has so many implications for Mulder and Scully both as individuals and as a pair. But why did the dog have to die? Scully winking at the sheriff to get resources was hysterical. But why did the dog have to die? 9.5/10, especially for the 1000/10 conversation on the rock. But why did the dog have to die?

Wetwired: My one complaint about this is that the emotional climax took place so long before the end, and I think the scenes with Mulder and X could have been in the next episode. But GOD, the rest of this?! The ACTING?! The PARANOIA?! The TRAGEDY?! Everything Gillian Anderson did in this episode was perfect. Mulder’s quiet but profound pain when he goes to ID the body, and the way he abandons his quest for her sake in a heartbeat even though he thinks she’s already dead. The scene where Scully tears her room apart, and my God, she’s got SO MUCH trauma for this paranoia thing to tap into, and holy shit Gillian Anderson. The emotional climax. “He’s never trusted me.” “Scully, you are the only one I trust.” And what if I died? Right there? Tied with Pusher for season favorite. 10/10

Talitha Cumi: As a precursor to Herrenvolk, this is fine. As a season finale, it’s weak. Not much happens, most of it is setup, and it doesn’t feel epic. Yes, Anasazi is impossible to follow as a season finale, but this feels the least like a finale of all 3 finales so far. I think Wetwired (with a few tweaks) should have been the finale, and this along with Herrenvolk should have been the Season 4 opener. As a 2-parter with Herrenvolk, maybe an 8/10. As a season finale, 6/10.

That’s it for the season review! Once I go off to school, I’ll be posting much less frequently but still around, so please feel free to send asks, fic requests, etc. Keep an eye out for more meta, fanfic, live reactions, a master post of all my content, and a special post to celebrate 3 seasons (vote on that here) in the coming days:) Until then, the Truth is out there👀

#the x files #x files #txf #txf s3 #dana scully #fox mulder #msr #mulder and scully #mulder x scully #david duchovny #gillian anderson #azure txf reviews

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