#satans schlongs

[ficandkaboodle]

I just realized that the lore of Ghost sounds like True Crime if you remove the Satanic Church bit. Hear me out (and yes, the name changes are necessary to sound more like a podcast episode summary):

Sistine Impresario was the one that got away for Neil Emery, which is probably why he enthusiastically agrees with her when she reemerges into his life with a favor to ask. See, Emery is a CEO of a corporation on the rise, and Sistine thinks she has just the guy to finally take them to new heights: Enter Chris Cardinal, a seeming nobody determined to prove his worth.

Though what should have been a simple hiring process turns out to have a more sinister outcome than just the usual on-boarding humdrum. Because less than an hour after Cardinal's hiring, Emery's three sons (and high-ranking officials in the company) wind up dead.

What we uncover in tonight's episode is a story of tragic love, bad decision-making, and family.

(Sponsored by Adam, Eve & Adam's Friend, Steve: Schlong and Balls, They'll Tickle 'Em All)

[pregnantsecondo]

My plan for bottom surgery is to get a seven inch schlong for the sole purpose of referencing the critically acclaimed ep Seven Inches of Satanic P- *a large hawk picks me up by my shirt collar and carries me away*

[myrammmortal]

Chapter 44, the end. I'm off to my dad's birthday because I just can't handle it anymore

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!!!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!!!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!!!!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait!!! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted Richard angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz………….Flake!!!!! As stated before he joined in on the sexy sex and after all that hot sexy sexness we all cuddled in a big pile.

Then someone else came out of the car. It was Snape!!!111oneoneone

“I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. “Paul Darkness Omnipotentia Landers must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!!!!”

“You fucking prep!!!” yelled Richard. Then he loked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell u, Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers. Snape made me do it with him. I didn’t really have sexx him but he’s a ropeist!!!! But Flake here is innocent. The time you walked in on us was me and Flake, Snape raped me some time before that and Flake made me feel better! I love him!”

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred!!!!1 But Satan didn’t change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Voldemont!!!!!!!111

“I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in da room. I didn't know who they were but they suddenly fell in love with me and now I love Thunder as well.

“No plz don’t kill us!” pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, Frau Schneider, Diabolo, Ginny, Oliver, Fred and Gorge (who were once Crabbe and Goyle), Hargrid, Professor Schneider, Daddy Till, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

“What is da meaning of dis?” Daddy Till asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos daddy Till is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

“Oh my goth!” Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik (and have lost the plot considering he was from the past)

“The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!” Snape ejaculated menacingly. Which made no sense because you can't submit to someone when you're dead

“You fucking preppy fags!” Serious shouted angrily.

"You know Serious, that is a very hurtful slur and you shouldn't say that." I said sadly. He apologized and we ran away for a quicky because that's how I roll. After we were done we came back while he put his schlong back into his you know what.

“I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!” screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Richard’s car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

“Oh my fucking god!!!1” I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Richard and the video of Satan doing it with an owl

“If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton.” He laughed meanly.

“No!” I scremed. “FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!!!!11”

“Whats she talking abott??????” Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

“I saw 2 she’s gunna show evry1 da picter!!!111” Harry shouted angrily.

“Shut up!!!111’” Lumpkin roared.

“Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”

“Think again you fucking muggle poser!!!!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel aka, the one we prefered to call Oliver both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly.

"Acco virgae Oliverii!!!11" Voldrimort clamavit et subito virga Oliverii in manibus erat. "Nunc omnes te necabo et Paulum Tenebrae Alzheimer Birdflu Landers morieris!!!!!!!!!11111"

He maid lighting come all over da place.

“Save us Paul Darkness Alzheimer Birdflu Landers!” Daddy Till cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Richard but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted and everyone died.

THE END!!!

[savage-kult-of-gorthaur]

BUZZING IN A SOUTHERN OVEN OF SCUZZOID, SLUDGEY, DOWNER RIFFS.

PIC INFO: Spotlight on a live shot of American sludge/Southern/alternative metal band BUZZOV*EN, venue & location unknown, c. "At a Loss"-era, late '90s.

"Thanx to…crack, crank, speed, smoke, pot, acid, meth, heroin, body bag, nitris, bud, cable T.V., Kingshend Inn, Twisters, the Metro, SLEEP, NEUROSIS, EYEHATEGOD, GLAZED BABY, KARMA TO BURN, SCHLONG, MOTHERLOAD, PLAID RETINA, YARD MONSTER, LOGICAL NONSENSE, CLUTCH, SATAN'S HAIRDRESSER, JERMFLUX, LOAD, GODSPEED, MEATJACK, DAISYCUTTER, PILLS, NOFX, 13, 3 FINGER SPREAD, GRIMPLE, and all the other bands we've played with or met on tour."

-- BUZZOV*EN CD liner notes to "At a Loss" (1998)

Source: Facebook (an old FB post of mine) -- stay @$!*#&% HEAVY!

[satansschlongs]

How to Be a Billionaire Narco-Dictator / Como ser un Narco Dictador Mil Millonario. A question that many people might ask. Who wouldn't want an illimited supply of Money and absolute Power over everything. You don't need to follow the law. You are the law. A gold throne, sex slaves and machine gun-armed soldiers to protect yourself from some very dangerous enemies.

http://SatansSchlongs.com

[simp-is-here]

We’re back again with more

Obey Me Boy’s Thirsty Thoughts/ Scenarios

Warning: hella and I’m mean like EXTREMELY suggestive, LIKE BORDERLINE NSFW, kinda calling myself out once again, implied sex, mentions of: sex, making out, sexual acts, kinda somnophilia (consensual), bathtub sex, size kink, sub levi, sub mammon, sub simeon, aggressive hickeys, tail stuff, semi public, finger sucking

(I tried my best to make this gender neutral, please let me know if I messed up and I’ll try to correct my mistakes)

Let me just apologize in advance for if this is cringey, I very much tend to word stuff weirdly if I’m describing something sexual.

Lucifer-

So you and Lucifer are (doing the do?? Making love??? Schlonging?? Having sex?? Whatever makes you comfortable)

His wings suddenly sprout from his back

He pays no mind to them as he continues to make you feel good

While he’s kissing your collarbone you’re running your hand over the feathers of his wings and up his back where the wings meet

I think those wing would be so sensitive but he wouldn’t want to admit it

However little things in his body language would show that it has an effect on him

The tremble in his wings, the small intake of breath, the way he pulls you even tighter to him

He didn’t want to tell you, but he yearned for more. And you were more than willing to give him everything he wanted

Mammon-

Though he’s greedy, there’s nothing he’s more greedy for than your love

That love may be staying up late to study with him, or holding him close when the two of you finish a scary movie

But sometimes that love is what you’re doing right now, pulling on the strands of his hair trying to compose yourself as you take what you want from him

Guiding him to do exactly what you want, the exact thing he needs to do to make you feel good

He could get drunk off of the sounds you make, the way you looks, how much you trust him, how much control you have over him

And sometimes that love is when you’re spent and holding him, praising him for doing such a good job while his head is against your chest, the beating of your heart continues it’s fast pace as you try to catch your breath

There’s nothing he’s more greedy for than your love

Leviathan-

If you knew that cuddling and playing a game would lead to this, then you would’ve done so sooner

Levi was currently under you, his hands hiding his red face as you sit back up, wiping your mouth with a smirk

After some soft words you manage to uncover his face, kissing his lips once again while guiding his hands to your thighs

While your trace his bottom lip with your tongue you feel something slither around your waist, you look down to see his tail holding you tightly

Levi covered his face in embarrassment once again while unwrapping his tail from you, you grabbed one of his hands in time for him to see you trace your tongue up his tail to the tip

You guided his face back up to you and kissed him once again, his tail wrapping around your thighs and his fingers digging into your hips

He was in for a long night

Satan-

Being loud was never a problem before you met Satan, it wasn’t that any of your past lovers were bad, you just didn’t know you had this side of you

However sometimes it was a challenge whenever the two of you got intimate, you’d have to bite the back of your hand or put something in your mouth

Right now the two of you were beside Satan’s door, his thigh was between your legs while his mouth sucked marks onto your skin

Your hands were so preoccupied with holding him close that you didn’t realize you were letting out sounds until a knock at the door caused you to panic

He answers through the the door with a smirk, continuing to move you on his thigh. Watching as you try your best to be silent

You gasp at a certain angle to which he quickly covers your mouth with his hand, telling the person on the other side of the door that he just dropped a book

You open your mouth and guide his fingers into your mouth, Satan’s eyes widened as he forces a grunt back down his throat. He quickly shut down the conversation and shoved you towards his bed

You were in for it

Asmodeus-

One of the best things in your relationship with Asmo is when the two of you bathe together

It’s not always sexual, sometimes the two of you just wrap your bodies around one another, helping each other de-stress

This however was not one of those times, though it did start out as one. But the was your fingers gently scrubbed the strands of his hair, and the way his hand lathered the body wash on your thighs, occasionally rubbing close to where you yearned for his touch

The steam of the water seemed to grow thicker as his hands danced across your shining form, his legs straddling your thighs

Though you two exchanged soft kisses, your hands were desperate to satisfy the other

You both end and his hands grip your hair while yours hold his as close as possible, panting into each other’s mouth while tired kisses as given

The two of you make it back to his room and take a short break before you continue once again

Beelzebub-

While the two of you were eating on your bed you had dropped a glob of pudding onto your chest

Before you could wipe it up Beel leaned in and licked it clean, continuing to clean up any spots on you that had pudding on it

He guided your back onto your bed as he left kisses all over your neck and collarbone

Eventually he stopped just as his tooth has pressed against you skin, his reluctance was quickly overshadowed by the want he felt when you begged him to continue

He dove back into the crook of your neck and sucked whatever he could reach, occasionally biting you before soothing the bite with a kiss or a lick

He had gotten down your stomach, only stopped by the fabric of your pants covering you from him

He looked back at you and gazed over the dark marks decorating your skin, he wished he could feel guilt but the way you smiled up at him with a dazed look made him want to do this again

Belphegor-

Sex was not a major thing in your relationship, just something that occasionally happened

You both were in the attic room cuddling on the bed, his arms wrapped around your waist to hold you close

After a bit of self questioning you took his hand from your waist and lead it lower till it was between your legs

Belphie’s body tensed slightly before pulling you back to him, moving your bodies together as one through your clothes

His other hand which was under your neck gripped the sheets tightly as the movements got more desperate

After you both finished his body went limp against yours, twitching slightly from the intensity his body just felt

The zip of his pants was heard over the panting of breaths as he took himself out and guided himself into you, holding you close once again while pressing kisses to your shoulder

The two you fell asleep in each other’s arms, wanting no one to disturb this moment that hopefully would last forever

Diavolo-

So we all know how his demon form looks.

A personal headcanon of mine is that all the demons in there demon forms they grow bigger

Now imagine while the two of you are alone with you pressed against the wall his demon form comes out

When you open your eyes again you see this 7ft (personal headcanon) demon towering over you

The way his large body wraps around you to bring you to his bed

(Let’s just say his height isn’t the only thing that grows)

Barbatos-

Barbatos isn’t one to show a lot of emotion. Even though you’re his lover he still doesn’t show that much

While the two of you are in bed together he still appears to be well composed like always with occasional low grunts here and there

After awhile of not being able to see each other due to busy schedules and the demon brothers antics you both finally got some time alone with one another

You had hoped that maybe just maybe the time apart would show something of how he’s feeling, or how you make him feel

After a physically satisfying night together you woke up to his side of the bed being empty, a glass of water and a note explaining that he’s gone to do his tasks of the day was beside you on the table

You sighed and leaned back on the bed only to get poked by something, turning around you realize the frame where his hand was holding onto last night was completely destroyed

You replayed in your mind how oddly he was acting last night and now you understood why

A sense of pride overtook you at the realization that he had broken the bed frame trying to hold himself back

Simeon-

You just know that his skin feels like flower petals

So after the two of you *cough cough* you’re lying in bed together

Legs intertwined as he softly snores beside you

You just can’t help but run your hand over his skin, the soft feeling of it under your fingertips

He wakes up from the feeling of you and you both lay there and leave soft kisses on the others lips

You drag your fingers down his back, applying slight pressure with your nails which causes a soft groan from him

Your kisses become more heated as you raise his thigh so his legs are wrapped around you once again

Solomon-

This is definitely not where you thought you’d end up when Solomon offered to teach you

At first it started out simple, you’d be reading the book on the table and he’d come up behind you, leaning to see what you were reading while his hand was on your lower stomach

Eventually he started kissing from your shoulder to your ear, his hand grasping yours on the table.

With your mind officially distracted from the book you turned around, letting him push your shoulders down slowly till you were on your knees in front of him

His gasps echoed throughout the room while his hand gripped the back of your neck tightly, trying to guide you

He let out a moan when he finished (I’m not really questioning what I’m doing with life 🤣) stroking your cheek as he tried to catch his breath

He pulled you back to your feet and kissed you passionately before pushing you onto the table

Time for him to return the favour

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

(Please do not post my work anywhere else without mentioning that it’s written by me)

Thank you for reading. If you have any requests just send them to me and I’ll try to write them to the best of my ability

And remember you are a fantabulous human being and that is my opinion to which you can not change my opinion so better just accept that you’re an amazing person who is doing a fantastic job. Keep up the great work. Have a good day or night or whatever you’re reading this at

[books-and-catears]

Obey Me Masterlist 2

Masterlist 1

_____________&_____________

Headcannons

Brothers react to:

"I used to love you..."

"If I had to choose one of you to kill me..."

Part 1: Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan

Part 2: Asmo, Beel, Belphie

Part 3: Diavolo, Barbatos

"What a Catastrophe!"

"You are cordially invited to the Royal Wedding..."

"Now I'm just a ghost..."

Part 1 (Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan)

Part 2(Asmo, Beel, Belphie)

"I meet her in my dreams sometimes..." (new)

Part 1 (Lucifer, Mammon)

Part 2 (Levi, Satan)

Part 3 (Asmo, Beel, Belphie)

The Morning After

"I'm afraid... they'll kill me again!" (Dateables) (new)

Yandere! MC

Lucifer

Mammon

Leviathan

Satan

Asmodeus

Goodbye Dear MC

Lucifer

Mammon

Asks

MC is summoned during their Dangaronpa execution

Part 1

Part 2

Brothers forget MC's birthday

Part 1: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan

Part 2: Satan, Asmo, Beel, Belphie

Brothers dying in MC's arms

Part 1: Lucifer, Mammon, Levi

Part 2: Satan, Asmodeus

Part 3: Beelzebub, Belphie

Brothers coming back from original timeline to get MC back

Part 1

Part 2

Kind! MC gets attacked for their pure soul

Part 1

Part 2

Demon King adopts MC at first sight

Part 1

Part 2

One-Shot Asks

Asmo reassures a body concious Succubus! MC

Solomon and Barbatos swap cooking styles AU

MC turns brothers into different animals!

Child!MC and Luke fall in love

MC gets turned into an ACTUAL SHEEP

Small sized! MC who is stronger than Beel

Little sibling! MC greets brothers with a hug after a long day

Brothers react to MC with wing scars

Lucifer loves MC who is with Barbatos

Newly Dateables react to MC getting keychains dedicated to them

M!MC with a schlong bigger than Diavolo(Brothers react) [NSFW]

MC is Solomon's s/o

Halloween Fright Headcanons

Solomon is MC's long lost granpdpa!

Luke crying because he can't marry MC

Demon brothers taking care of an MC whose lost all their siblings

Eldritch monster! MC

Brothers react to Venom! MC

MC thinks they don't deserve love

"I thought I lost you!" MC runs and hugs the brothers

Luke sees Parasite-demon!MC's true form

MC dislocates a knee

Brothers hear about Cat Island

Dom M!MC who unlocks the brothers praise kink [NSFW]

Prompt Request Series

Fanfics

Old Flames and New Faces (Replaced MC AU) [Complete]

Chap 1 // Chap 2 // Chap 3 // Chap 4

Chap 5 // Chap 6 // Chap 7 // Chap 8

My Seven Sins (Seven MC's for Seven Sins AU)

Prologue

Proud Much?

Greedy Little Monkeys

Possesive Type

Anger Management

"How Long Will You Pretend?" [Complete]

Intro

"It was your fault!"

"For Better and for Worse"

"Please Tell Me Where it Hurts?"

"Proxy Apologies and a Wish."

"Sorry, Dear Demons. But This is Goodbye."

Epilogue: "I'm home."

One Shots

What you always Wanted

"Isn't it my turn to Haunt you?"

Glimpses of the Past

A Silent Threat

The Last Shift in Time

MC's Guide to Devildom

Best Received Works ⭐

MC uses their pact to help the brothers

MC is obsessed with cats

MC asks for a kiss

"Would you mourn for me when I'm gone?" Brothers react

Aesthetic Mood Boards

Solomon

Satan

Simeon

Diavolo

Barbatos

Asmodeus

Leviathan

Mammon

Beelzebub

That's all for now folks! Keep checking in, this will be pinned and updated regularly!

[archxvxd]

Lost & Found

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Lost & Found Synopsis: Y/N is the #4 hero and close friends with Hawks. When Hawks goes on a LOA from Hero Work due to a recent injury the Hero Commission decides to bring Y/N in as their new informant. Hawks sets up a meet n greet with his contact from the LoV, Dabi. What Y/N isn’t expecting is to come face to face with her assumed dead childhood best friend Touya Todoroki. Not realizing who she is due to a name change Y/N has to try and keep her identity hidden from the villain while trying to suppress old feelings that have begun to resurface.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Status: ONGOING

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Updates: 1x Per Week Minimum

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Warnings: Warnings: 18+, Smut, Violent Themes, Sexual Themes, Mentions of Trauma, Manipulative Behavior, Toxic Beahavior, Mentions and Use of Substances, Will add on as needed~

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Pairing: DabixProhero!Reader/Fem!Reader & HawksxProhero!Reader/Fem!Reader

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Genre: Social Media!AU, Smut, Crack, Fluff, Whole Lotta Chaos Prolly

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ A/N: Here it is!!! My next SMAU. I’m so excited to finally share this with you guys🤩 I’ve had the outline of this written I think the day or two after I finished my mini Dabi series Voodoo. I plan on posting for this immediately after Say Cheese is done which isn’t very long now. I may even post the intros early😘 I hope you guys are able to enjoy this smau as much as Say Cheese. Much Love💘✨

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Taglist: CLOSED!!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ The Pros | The League ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 1: All the Homies (18+)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 2: Go Best Friend

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 3: STFU

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 4: Big Softie

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 5: Monster Schlong

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 6: Delusional :((

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 7: Dumbass

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 8: Chill

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 9: Pretty Boi

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 10: Get Rekt

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 11: B l o c k e d

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 12: Nasty Behavior

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 13: Indulging

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 14: Shut Your Whore Mouth

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Ep. 15: pouting

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ Taglist: @angelofdarkness1020 @unfortunately-fabtastic @1-800-s1mping @someweirdshitman @theskullgoddess @fukyouthink @firecet @dabisdominion @fandomqueensuniverse @sirachano0dles @galagcica @tanakaslastbraincell @avatarayeaye @virtualdeputygardenpatrol @amaranthine-daydream @lunamoonbby @overzealous-imagination @everything-sucks-doesnt-it @thegalxe @strawberrysalwa @ozzy-bozzy @keishinbaby @kyomihann @blkladyelle @moonlightaangel @husband-to-tomura-shigaraki @trashy-simp @livie-bug82108 @salty-satan @thesleepysphinx @undead-nyx @bokutosuwus @mybigredclifforddick @aiiishiiiteru @daydaydayz @kenssister @bluefaeriefury @amaejiki @minninugget @honeypirate @fucktheworlddude @totallynotelle @awilddreamerwrites @fallengoddess772 @speakyourselfloveyourself @sharihorse @you-make-children-cry @platinum-grenade @yoongis-moons @dangerousluv1

Other works:

Level Up! ~ Kenma x fem!reader (Ongoing)

[monster-and-coffee]

No bc i would literally suck satan's giant schlong if it meant I could have the bone structure for tiny lil dainty shoulders oh my fucking god

[belphie-moo]

Obey me! characters as things my brother has texted me:

Lucifer: Y'all a bunch of jabronis

Mammon: I'm deadass boutta buy a fresh ass pair of heelys

Levi: Y'all just salty about my waifu lineup

Satan: Mom[Lucifer] is being a cuck

Asmo: Schrodinger's schlong

Beel: Me n the boys on the way to Walmart to buy Bang and Doritos

Belphie: The only thing I pop is depression medicine

Bonus:

Luke: Awww lawsuit

[satan-the-avatar-of-wrath]

Pop Quiz

Pop Quiz (Demon x Human Anatomy) NSFW

This Quiz will be 20% of your overall grades, grades to be posted by the end of the month.

1.       Average Girth of a demon:

A)     12.54cm

B)      In the name of the lord

C)      18.24 cm

D)     Why am I in this class

 2.       Testicals of both human x demon:

A)     Vary

B)      Come all Ye Faithful

C)      Deez nuts

D)     Don’t know

 3.       Stamina Averages (human):

A)     Is that it?

B)      10-30mins (once or twice a day)

C)      Skeet Skeet, To the window to the wall

D)     40mins (everyday)

  4.       Average Human Flaccid:

A)     9.16cm

B)      Schlong Kong

C)      9.76cm

D)     8.91cm

 5.       Cum (demon):

A)     Glows in the dark

B)      Creamy white looking

C)      Cum bum?

D)     Relatively the same as humans

 6.       Stamina Difference (demon x human male):

A)     All day (every day)

B)      Skeet Skeet (mf)

C)      2-3 hours (multiple realises a day)

D)     8 hours (once a day)

7.       Stamina (Angels males)

A)     Do they even

B)      Magical

C)      Unknown

D)     Varies

 8.       Demon x human relations:

A)     My neck, My back, Lick my ***** and my crack

B)      Fatal

C)      FINISH HIMM

D)     RIP

 9.       Lower grade Demon that can and will change sex:

A)     Manta-Succubi

B)      Gee-Succubus

C)      A-Suckdezz

D)     OHMYLAWD

 10.   Average Demon Erect:

A)     King Kong

B)      40.31cm

C)      21.00cm

D)     30.53cm

 11.   Female difference to Male:

A)     The reproductive organs

B)      Pubes

C)      What is this class again

D)     Yeet

 12.   Baby’s biological Sex is?:

A)     Surprise

B)      Don’t know, don’t care

C)      Determined at the moment the (m) sperm meets the (f) egg

D)     Determined at the moment the (f) sperm meets the (M) egg

  13.   External Female Anatomy ( Labia Mojora):

A)     Fleshy outer lips

B)      Chompers

C)      Fleshy inner lips

D)     Lips

 14.   (Female) Labia Minora:

A)     Inner Lips

B)      Clit

C)      Knit

D)     Sew

 15.   What female demon has teeth like shark within the Labia:

A)     Your mom

B)      Mom-no-no

C)      Manti-Succubis

D)     Manta-Succubi

 16.   Why do said peepee-munchen demons bite off the mates peepee:

A)     Feed the seeds with nourishment

B)      Because they can

C)      Because fuck em hoes

D)     Because they are evil

 17.   Demon Pregnancy Terms and Length:

A)     Never

B)      1 Month (no terms)

C)      6 Months (2 terms)

D)     9 Months (3 terms)

 18.   Human Preg. Terms and Length:

A)     1 month

B)      7 month (2 terms)

C)      12 months (4 terms)

D)     9 Months (3 terms)

  19.   Women have more stamina then men:

A)     Some do

B)      Generally Yes

C)      Generally No

D)     Lego my eggo

 20.   Do humans give birth too:

A)     Humans

B)      Mixed Race

C)      Depends (trick question)

D)     What is human?

 21.   What is a Fallopian Tube:

A)     An instrument (toot toot)

B)      The thing attached to my car

C)      Tubes connected to the ovaries and uterus

D)     Tubes connecting to the anus

 22.   Ovaries:

A)     Square Shaped

B)      Triangle shaped

C)      Figure 8 shaped

D)     Egg shaped

 23.   Most females are born with 2 Ovaries:

A)     True

B)      False

C)      Marco, Polo

 24.   Demon Menstrual Cycle:

A)     Every 28 days

B)      Never

C)      Usually 5 -10 years

D)     Usually 2-4 years

 25.   Human Menstrual Cycle:

A)     Usually every 28days

B)      Everyday

C)      By god what is this

D)     Shlooopie

 26.   Where is the Uterus Located:

A)     In my head

B)      My stomach

C)      None of your business

D)     In the middle of the pelvic cavity

 27.   Demons give birth too:

A)     Demons

B)      Humans

C)      Fetus or Eggs depending

D)     Evil

 28.   Why did I participate for this class:

A)     To piss Satan Off

B)      To admire Satan

C)      To Learn

D)     Wait I’m Part of the class?

 29.   Lubrication in demons (female):

A)     Some have healing affect

B)      Lube? Runner dry

C)      Is this some kind of location

D)     Is nasty

 30.   Satan is (write your explanation, be honest about your professor):

   31.   (This is More of A Vote) I wish to learn:

A)     Specifically only demon anatomy

B)      Human x demon

C)      Angels x human x demons

D)     We’re learning?

  Note: Please have this test filled out and submitted either Discord or Via here Tumblr by Friday April 17th (evening). Will mark and review Saturday.

-Good Luck,

Professor Satan

[imaginefe]

I'm just now starting Thracia 776, and I'm already scared. I've heard that Saias is literal fuckin Satan in this game.. on one hand, this is gonna be terrifying. On the other, begging Saias for mercy sounds kinda hot-

YEAH THE MAPS THAT SAIAS APPEAS IN ARE REALLY BAD IN THRACIA....

i would suck his schlong if itll make him retreat faster and get those leadership stars away from leif...

[jovialecho]

tuesday morning just wanting some cereal simon’s melons are on display at the counter while she doin satan taxes wrath’s schlong’s out on the couch “ah it’s tuesday”

[diavolosthots]

This is a special fanfic going out to all my haters and the people that think they have some type of power over fanfic writers:

✨suck my coochie dick you cute little leeches✨

Warning: crack smut

Nerd Boi ( SATAN X GN!READER)

I'm not even gonna bother with a gif let me know what you guys think of our little nerd boi.

He was just the nerd. The weirdo with the books and big glasses that make you question twice whether there’s a set of eyes behind those glasses or if it’s just a goldfish blowing bubbles straight into your nostrils everytime he speaks. Sometimes he’d take off those glasses and you’d see something akin to a viper’s eyes, glowing in the dark and staring straight into your soul. The whole act of it had your soul on fire, though, and you found yourself drawn to him. Nevermind his beast form that doesn’t quite match the rest of his being, his essence. There was just something animalistic, something that caught your wimpy human brain off guard and made him follow you blindly, and God he loved it. 

He loved how easy it was to get you to follow him, anywhere really. He could flick his tail toward your dripping waterfall and make you cum in your pants right now, and you’d still be on your knees with your tongue sticking out, drooling on his second-hand italian vegan-bison-leather shoes. It makes him laugh too “what even are you? You look like moldy food. Maybe I can make you look a little tastier.” He was chuckling as he said it, his viper eyes narrowing and a long, dragon-like tongue darted out to lick it’s way inside your nostrils, reaching all the way to your brain and stimulating it’s slimy surface. You moaned out in ecstasy, reaching your hands toward his pants to pull out his massive schlong, easily the size of a calf’s leg, which ended up slapping your cheek and leaving a thick imprint on your dirty skin. 

“P-please… nerd boi. Let me taste your book-slobber.” By now your arousal had pushed through your pants, leaving a nice imprint on the fabric but his schlong whipped right through it, tearing the piece of clothing and slamming you into the ground. His wet tongue pulled out of your nostrils and wiped over your face as his sling buried itself inside your hole. Your eagerness made it so easy too and he was laughing as you slammed yourself down on him. By now, his massive length was stuck in between your insides and twisted your organs so sweetly that you could ignore the blood dripping out. Just a little more. 

“Ahhh! Nerd Boi!!” His giant load of nerd cum had filled up your insides, replacing the flow of blood as his long dragon-like tongue pushed into your mouth and down your throat, pulling the sweet ropes of cum back up so you could taste it. “That’s it. You’re my sweet little cumdumpster. Take my nerd sperm and become the lead incubator for my nerd army!!!” You barely comprehend what he was saying as his cum oozes out of your pores, leaving you in a mess of nerd-boi-cum while your body shook and begged for more. He was still cumming inside you, your belly expanding with his thick seed as spawns emerged from his nerd-boi seed. You are forever the nerd incubator, bound to ner boi for life and the only thing you can think of is that long tongue down your throat and his viper eyes as he rips your organs apart in with swift movements of his giant schlong.

[ramarlpso]

Butthead Music Lore Part 3

My pinky finger is asleep right now, I hope it wakes up soon. Yeah, that's part of the lore. That's canon.

A bunch of miners begin their work at Mt. Gold, after it had been theorized that giant monsters lived inside there. For some reason, they were right. Their names were Gomess and Litra. Gomess was a monster of pure destruction, and Litra a guardian monster. Gomess awoke first and brutally attacked the miners, who began to flee until Litra awoke as well and started a counterattack. Gomess and Litra fought, and in the commotion, a rice cooker rolls out of the mines. During their match, a gigantic rock smashes the rice cooker open, revealing the evil Johnuel Daimao to the world. Johnuel Daimao cracks his neck and enters the battle against the other two monsters, attacking them with his Hōnyō no ken (roughly translated to "Fist of the Urination). The ability of the Hōnyō no ken is to replace the blood of the affected area with urine, which causes slow infection and a painful death, although if someone is hit multiple times with it, it will increase the speed that the infection spreads. Litra goes down first being especially injured, with urine gushing out of its neck as it lets out its last roars. Gomess is the next to fall after Johnuel rips out his eye and fires a blast through the empty socket. With those two monsters taken care of, Johnuel Daimao goes on his way to take what is rightfully his.

Johnuel Daimao flies into the nearest city (Satan City), and asks a nearby person what year it is. They laugh and tell him that it is 2035, and tell him to go talk to someone his own size. Johnuel then uses the Hōnyō no ken on the person and kills them by overflowing their heart with urine, causing it to explode. Johnuel Daimao then floats into the air and raises his arm, firing blasts destroying the buildings and people of the city. He repeats the process until it is entirely leveled, and uses his magical Johnuel powers to create a massive castle in the city's place out of a bone-like material. That would make his castle white, like White Castle, so it would instantly give him and anyone inside of it a 2x power in boost. That is what being inside of a White Castle does to you. It makes you 2 times stronger. That is why you have to go to White Castle, if you go to White Castle you can destroy it easier because of the formerly mentioned boost in power.

Brainless Man would sense the destruction of Satan City by Johnuel Daimao and he would arrive with Schlong to White Castle. Schlong explains the true threat of Johnuel's Hōnyō no ken technique to Brainless Man, who agrees to be careful in the battle. Schlong states he is already immune, as all Johnillians are. That is what John and Schlong are, by the way, they are Johnillians. There used to be a whole planet of them, until Ohvin went there in search of the Johnillian Bubsy Balls and the elder of the planet killed himself to avoid having to fork them over. Obviously that planet is no longer there because Ohvin destroyed it.

Another monster is awakened in the chaos caused by Johnuel Daimao's destruction of Satan City, this monster's name is Goro. Goro comes over to White Castle to see what all the commotion was about and is instantly fired at by both Brainless Man AND Johnuel Daimao, angry at the beast for getting involved in their battle. Goro surrenders after being blasted at and takes a few steps back to watch from afar. Johnuel Daimao, while Brainless Man is distracted, strikes him right near his heart with the Hōnyō hātosutoraiku technique (Urination Heart Strike). Brainless Man clutches his heart and begins to cough up urine. Schlong then enters the battle with him and slashes open his (Johnuel's) throat. Schlong and Johnuel both grasp their own throats and begin heaving. Schlong, in immense pain, explains how he and Johnuel share the same lifeforce, thus, if one of them dies, they both die. Johnuel adds that Brainless Man has only three days to live in this world until his body gives out. Schlong, with his last breath, tells Brainless Man to go to Tyler's Treehouse, which was underneath his (Schlong's) lookout. There, he would find a cure for this condition. Brainless Man watches Schlong pass away and closes his eyes. He digs Schlong and John each a grave and buries them. During the process, his heart begins to palpitate at random as an effect of his imminent death. Brainless Man then hurries up and flies over to Tyler's Treehouse to get help.

Tyler gives Brainless Man a bottle of gatorade, which helps Brainless Man relieve some of the pain and undoes a little bit of its effect, but it only gives him back the time he lost. Therefore, Brainless Man now has the full 72 hours again. Tyler tells him he thought that may not cure it and tells him about the Ultra Divine Urine. Brainless Man asks to have it, but Tyler states he must retrieve it from him first. Almost as instantly as he says this and pulls it out, Brainless Man already has it in his hands. Tyler is immensely confused, but Brainless Man drinks the Ultra Divine Urine and is then cured of his condition, or so he thinks. What he does not realize is that people without brains are immune to the Ultra Divine part of the Ultra Divine Urine.

Like a Star is the best track on No Idols by Domo Genesis. The beat is just Chef's Kiss and also it makes me cream a little bit. That is also canon to the story.

Back to the Olive Garden. Breaded like Paul McCartney? Okay, nevermind. Let's just say that it has the best instrumental. It definitely does.

When the Ultra Divine Urine clashes with the regular urine in Brainless Man's body, seeing as Brainless Man is immune to the ULTRA DIVINE in the ULTRA DIVINE URINE, it ends up making him even more ill and reducing his remaining time on Earth to 50 hours.

Oh... really? Every upload I've ever seen of it called it "Like a Star", but the official tracklist calls it something else? That is just weird. I read it on Discogs, so take it with a grain of salt. Also, that censored link just leads you to a different website because the domain changed hands and it's some software shit now or something. I would not trust it if I were you. Luckily it is on the Internet Archive as well. Yes, all this is canon to the story. Also, for some reason on Internet Archive, the tracks are out of order. They put the right order in the description, though. That is canon as well.

Kanye arrives back on Earth after being told to leave Semenillia in the last part, and he senses a person of great urinary content. This person being Brainless Man. Kanye meets with Brainless Man and notes his urinary condition, and Brainless Man tells him he doesn't want to be this way, saying he only has 49 hours left alive. Kanye laughs and strikes a deal with Brainless Man. Kanye says he'll take all Brainless Man's urine into himself so long as Brainless Man kills 100 people of Jewish descent. Brainless Man refuses, saying that the lives of 100 are much more important than the life of 1. Kanye then attacks Brainless Man, and they have an even battle, until the urine in his body makes his muscles contract, giving Kanye the advantage in battle and letting him win the fight in the end. When all seems lost for Brainless Man, our lord and savior, the most beautiful man on Earth, that's right, Domo Genesis, descends from the heavens to get Kanye off of Brainless Man. Domo and Kanye begin to battle, and Kanye pulls out a blade, stepping on Domo's foot and stabbing through the both of them to keep them in the same place. Kanye then opens up his mouth and unleases a powerful mouth beam, but Domo is able to punch him before he can fire it, and it dissipates. Domo bites Kanye on the neck and pink blood starts gushing out of the wound. Domo then cuts Kanye's head off to end his life sooner, without making him suffer any more. Domo Genesis turns his attention to Brainless Man and says he can not only cure him but make him eternal as well on one condition. Brainless Man asks what that condition is, and Domo Genesis says that he must become a vampire like his good friend Vlad, the Impaler. Brainless Man considers this, knowing that vampires not only do not have blood, but they also do not have any fluids inside of them. Ultimately, Brainless Man refuses, citing that he would have to suck people's blood, which is really mean. Domo Genesis then tells him to suit himself, and embraces him. Brainless Man clutches his head in pain, terrified. Just as he feels his head is about to explode, he is gifted a brain, and he is transformed into Left Brain of Odd Future fame.

Domo tells Left Brain that it is nice to have him back. Left Brain thinks over the events that lead up to him losing his brain and remembers when Jaden Smith erased him and Brain Man's memories. Brain Man, it turns out, was actually Hodgy. Although Hodgy is long dead by now, considering the fight with Boobchest Doctor. Anyway, Domo Genesis tells Left Brain he came down to Earth not only to save him, but also to assume the position as Guardian of the Earth. Domo tells Left Brain that he should be his aid as he was to Schlong, and Left Brain reluctantly agrees. After all, whatever Domo would need assistance with would be way easier than what Schlong needed assistance with considering his small size. That's not a dick joke, Schlong is just literally an alien who is the size (and shape) of a dog. A GOD ALIEN mind you, but an alien nonetheless.

Left Brain tells Domo about his old friend Butthead Music (about damn time she came back into the story huh) who he hears is the Supreme Pizza these days. Domo is extremely interested in this, seeing as he loves pizza of all kinds. Normal, pep the roni, Supreme, mushroom, Daily News, all of them. So Domo Genesis tells Left Brain to bring him to Butthead Music, but Left Brain tells him he does not know how to teleport. Domo then teaches Left Brain how to use teleportation again, and they go to the planet of the Supreme Pizzas. Butthead Music greets these two unknown people cautiously, and Left Brain explains who he is to her, and how he used to be Brainless Man. Butthead Music then understands. Left Brain also explains who Domo is, and why he wanted to come there. Butthead Music asks Domo to spar with her, and thinking she has the strength of a regular Supreme Pizza, he agrees. Butthead Music and Domo Genesis then commence their battle, only for Domo to be defeated in 6 attacks. Domo is incredibly impressed and says he will need to step up his game as guardian of Earth. Left Brain then reminds him he probably won't have to do that, considering how peaceful Earth usually is.

In terms of physical power, Domo Genesis is around the level of power that Kenichi Smith : American Ninja is, but he could be just a little bit weaker. Which is very good considering the threats that have been on Earth thus far. That basically means he could beat them all. This, and Domo has the potential to transform into other things with enough training (which he has not recieved yet). There are a few other forms he could assume, but we will not go over those just yet. Maybe next time...

Anyway, when Domo and Left Brain get back to Earth, Domo immediately begins his training, but then he gets incredibly hungry so he materializes a Red Corolla and goes to the surface to get some Wendy's, while Left Brain accompanies him. Domo orders the Llama Burger and the You're Drunk shake, while Left Brain orders the Mars Sandwich and the What a Day slushie. So they pull up and Slippin' Jimmy is there and he's the cashier person, so Domo gives him a 13 dollar bill, which he obviously knows is fake, so he says so, and Domo gets angry so he eats Slippin' Jimmy. They then pull ahead to the next window and receive their food, but they come to find out that they don't have any You're Drunk shakes left, so they instead say they can give Domo a Promo Pancake, which he agrees to. They then get their food and check it out. Domo sees that his Promo Pancake is actually a regular pancake, to his anger. Not only that, but his Llama Burger is actually an Alpaca Burger. Left Brain's Mars Sandwich is a Jupiter Sandwich, and the What a Day slushie is the What a Night slushies, which Left Brain does not actually mind that much. Domo does, though, because this is not the food that they did not pay for! This is democracy manifest! Domo and Left Brain storm inside the building and interrogate the Wendy's Employee, who reveals himself to be InternetAjay. Domo and Left Brain try to fight him, but they are unable to defeat him because they both identify as male! That's right, Ajay is such a megavirgin turbonerd cuck incel beta that the only thing that can kill or hurt him is the touch of a female! Luckily enough, they know a female, so they teleport to get Butthead Music and tell her to poke InternetAjay on the shoulder, so she does, and InternetAjay instantly dies. Butthead Music then steals some Norwegian Fries from behind the counter and goes back to the planet of the Supreme Pizzas. Norwegian Fries are like french fries but good. Domo and Left Brain go behind the counter and then take the food they actually ordered. Left Brain leaves actual legal currency on the counter to make it fair, though.

I'm tired again and I think I wanna go read something before I go to bed. Also my fingers hurt. So I'm stopping the lore for now.

[coolguycoconutchutney]

mgk must be packing a schlong hand crafted by Satan himself the hold he has over Megan Fox miss girl wake up the dick can’t be that good