#samples are already up just so you're aware

[kenyummy]

✰ 01. the ballad of a bygone blight.

✰ ꒰ ⍣'ˎ˗ platonic yandere batfam / spider! reader ꒱

✰ 01. sparkless life.

SYNOPSIS : being spidey isn't easy. being transported into an alternate universe where you're nothing but a shadow in your house, makes sneaking around a little easier... until you find yourself the apple of their eye... kind of.

note: guys i couldnt resist posting criesssss . also master is used as a gender neutral term!!!! couldn't be bothered to put master/mistress every time so

prev. ✰ masterlist. ✰ next.

When you wake up, your eyes are permeated by a hard light. Your eyes are squinted hard and you're having a difficult time getting your eyes to focus.

Your brain is fuzzy and feels like melted candy in your head. What was going on, again...? This bed... it's really comfy. It's like laying on a bed made of clouds, fairy dust, and your hopes and dreams.

(Nothing like your lumpy mattress back home... May told you it built character.)

You reach your hand up, to try and block out the harsh glare directed right into your retina. It dims in a second, and for a moment—you think you've finally developed mutant powers of telekinesis. You sit up—only to discover you were not actually the one who turned off said lights.

"Apologies, Master [name]." An older man with a distinct British accent stands in the door—a few feet away from the bed you're resting on. "I did not realise you had awoken already. I would've turned down the lights, if I was aware."

You blink, surveying the room around you. It's big. Unfamiliar, as well. Modern. Really big. Wait, did he just call you—

"Master [name]?" Your mouth moves faster than your mind, and your brows furrow deep. "What... where am I?"

The older man looks genuinely puzzled at how defensive your stance is. "Oh dear. Perhaps you did end up getting lead poisoning. Or a concussion. ... No matter. This recent amnesia is common within traumatic injuries."

He clears his throat with strict elegance and straightens his posture, "[name]. I believe you were attacked in an alleyway, when your brother found you. You were in the hospital for a few days, and brought back here—back home—this morning. You're currently in one of your father's guest rooms. The doctors said you were healing miraculously fast."

You hiss lowly. You really hope they hadn't gotten a blood sample—you haven't had the best of experiences with people getting your blood.

"You seem to be alright now. A bit..." He looks at your exposed, scarred shoulders. "Scuffed up—but better than when Master Jason had found you."

Your brother... Jason...? Who even...?

What's going on here?

Your heart seems to skip a beat as the calculations start going off in your head. A world you had never heard of... a place you'd never seen before—perhaps you weren't on a different world, and like you had suspected... it was definetly some multiverse shenanigans again.

You knew you should've made Jess take that mission instead of you. Damn. You and your dumb rivalry with Doc.

But you couldn't understand why this random man knows you. He speaks as if you've lived a life with him—like he's known you since...

You chew down on your bottom lip. "... This is... my home. I live here, don't I...?"

You play with words cautiously, speaking slow and methodical. It only serves to confuse the man even further.

"Yes, you... do? Master [name], perhaps you should go back to the hospital. You're sounding rather frazzled—"

You almost jump up, out of the sheets, "Uh—no! I... I'm fine. My head's just a bit... messed up right now. Sorry."

It's not—after that flashbang, you're feeling fine. Your shoulder only burns with a stretch whenever you put too much pressure on it—but you're completely okay otherwise. But you don't think you should let him know that just yet.

"If you insist, Master [name]." He bows his head. "Do you require any further assistance?"

You blink, considering your choices.

Eventually, you land on the safest option. Search your surroundings. Find out what's going on here before going all Spider-ham on them. For all you know—they're super skrulls waiting for the right moment to strike. You need to be smart about this.

"Yes... I would like to go to my room... could you... walk me there?" You don't meet his stern gaze. "I'm not sure I'm able to walk on my own two feet just yet. I'm sorry."

You don't see how his stare softens at your words. "Of course, Master [name]."

He walks over to the edge of the bed and steadies you with a hand on your shoulder as you shakily stumble out of the bed. It's bouncy enough to launch you forward slightly—and it takes every muscle in your body to stop your Spidey-instincts from taking over and jumping backwards.

He slips your arm within his and steadies you as you both slowly walk out of the large guest room. If this was a guest room—you wonder what your room looked like.

The hallways weren't anything to sneeze at, either. Decorated with contemporary art pieces—sleek and so shiny you could see your face in the tiles below your bare feet. You felt so out of place—the civilian clothes you sported since you got here still dressed your body, and it wasn't even close to fitting in.

As you stumble down the halls with a bit of overdramacy, a man suddenly appears from around a corner. Deep black hair and the brightest blue eyes you'd ever seen. His smile is wide and he waves enthusiastically, "Hey, Alfred! I got back from Blüdhaven after uh—I heard what happened."

"Hello, Master Dick. It's lovely to see you back home again." Alfred nods his head. The man in question—Dick, apparently, which makes the immature teen in you giggle—gives you a sorrowful expression.

But... doesn't say anything past that. He continues small talk with Alfred—and you're left propped up in the older man's arms with a lost expression.

Did he... just blow you off?

One—that was pretty rude. Two, did he not just say he came back after he heard what happened? Not to toot your own horn or anything—but you'd assume being shot kind of counts as a "what happened".

You press your lips firmly together. This was getting awkward for you, especially seeing how comfortable this huge Dick (yeah, you're taking it and running with it) seemed to be with leaving this sickly, wounded (maybe you're being a tad dramatic) person to stumble like a baby fawn, in silence.

Alfred, however—catches sight of your one-sided tension, and abruptly ends his conversation. "My apologies, Master Dick, but I must help [name] to their room. I would love to continue this conversation at a later date."

"Oh yeah, no sweat, Alfred." He gives the older man a gleeful thumbs up. Then, his eyes meet yours. "Get better soon, okay?"

You avert his stare and only nod in response. Well, at least he noticed you were there. You're still in mild shock, but you somehow manage to keep a pleasant expression. With one last small smile, Dick walks away—where, you don't really care about.

Alfred slowly helps you up a flight of stairs. He only breaks the silence after you find yourself standing in front of a room with a faded name on it. Your name. "... All these years, and only now, you've suddenly changed. I wonder..."

His words are cryptic, but his expression even more so. What was he talking about? "... Huh?"

A small smile fades on his face. "Ah... no. It's nothing. I was thinking out loud. Call me if you need anything else, Master [name]. I am at your service. And please... get better soon."

Somehow, it sounds nicer when he says it. You smile a little, and give him a nod.

"Thank you..." You test out his name on your tongue. It feels natural. "Alfred. I'll try my best."

He leaves with a curt nod and not another word. You finally slide the door open, and take a look around.

You step inside, and it's like you've entered a whole new world, again.

It's... small. Not by regular standards—it's almost double the size of your room at home—but compared to a guest bedroom in this overly massive home... it's rather small. Like a closet, more than a bedroom.

It's empty, too. Your room at home is decorated with posters and trinkets of your favourite shows, pictures of you with Harry and MJ (sometimes even the four), and memorable items you've collected with your friends and family over the years.

Memories. You had memories.

There is nothing here.

It's like you're standing in a blank slate—in a world where you are nothing and yet everything you've ever had. It sends a chill down your spine.

You walk barefoot across cold wood and take a seat on the bedsheets. Bare white with a childish print. Something a young child would use. It looks pretty scuffed up. Old. The mattress creaks under your weight and you wince.

There's a bookshelf just opposite to you. There's not much in it—in fact, it's smaller than small and is almost completely empty. There's nothing but school textbooks and thick novels. And...

It catches your eye almost immediately. A little pink slip in the midst of deep black and brown colours. You stand up—ignoring the creak that follows—and walk over to the shelf.

You slip the book out, and immediately take in its cover. Pink, and with your name in wonky cursive. It's rather dusty, as if it hadn't even been touched in years.

You flip open the cover. Big bubble letters spelling out My diary flash you and you quickly flip the page before the glitter sears into your eyelids.

The first entry is there. Exactly seven years and two months ago. It's nothing like those entries you've seen on those corny 2000's TV shows for tweens—nor is it like those aesthetic journaling girls on Pwinterest.

It's something, familiarly, you. A short clunk of text about your day, on days that had some sort of exciting event going on—something you'd undoubtedly do. It almost makes you grimace.

This whole multiverse thing might be worse than you thought.

Two days ago I moved into a new house. My mom said she couldn't take care of me anymore, and I had to live with my dad. I've never seen him until today, but he's really busy, so we don't talk much. Alfred is nice to me, and his cooking is really yummy.

There's a little sketch of a baked dinner—and despite your pre-tween art skills, it does seem rather tasty looking.

You flip the page. The next entry is a week after the last.

I still haven't talked with dad yet. But I did meet two new people. Alfred said that they're my new brothers. Mom never wanted any more babies, so I was very excited to meet them! Jason is fun to play with. He's really bad at hide and go seek, though—I always win! Dick is fun too, but he's busy a lot, like dad. But he always makes time for me and Jason. I really like it here.

There's a small picture of three stick people holding hands. One is significantly short than the other two—labelled with your name above. The one on the left to you is Jason, with black curls and a wide grin. The one on the right is labelled Dickie, much taller than the other two and with shaggy black hair.

The drawing is innocent. Cute. Wholesome, if you will. There's even heart stickers pasted (and peeling, by now) between each of your heads.

You flip the page with a small, fond smile. The next entry is three days after that one.

Dad played with me, Jason, and Dickie today. He was really bad at hide and go seek too—but Dad and Jason chased each other all around the house before I caught both of them. I was so happy I won today! Dad took us all out for dinner, even Alfred. Alfred said he only came because I always look very happy when we're together. The dinner was really yummy!!!!

The drawing underneath is a picture of what looked like a smaller version of you, standing triumphantly with a little tiara on your head.

You flip the page. This time—there's a significant gap between the dates. This was a whole 5 months after you last wrote in your diary.

I don't know where Jason is. Dad and Dickie look really sad. They've been really busy for a long time, and we don't play much anymore. The only times I see Dad is at dinner. But we don't talk. Sometimes he doesn't eat dinner, either. Alfred still puts my drawings on the fridge, and he says that Dad and Dickie are just sad now, and they'll be better soon. I miss Jason. I want him back home.

There's no silly-looking drawing to go underneath this entry. This Jason—apparently the man who saved you—seemed rather fun-loving, despite whatever happened to him. You wonder what it was.

You flip the page, again. This entry was 3 months after the last.

I miss Dad, and Dickie. Dickie told me he had to go away for a bit, because he has something important to do somewhere else. Dad is busy all the time. I haven't seen him in 4 days. I don't play with anyone but Alfred now, but he's not that fun to play with, because he's so serious all the time. Dad tells me to go on my iPad and not bother Alfred when I'm bored, but I miss them.

Next one is 2 days after.

I met a new boy today. Dad told me he's my new brother. I was pretty excited because he's my age. But he didn't want to talk to me. He said he was too caught up in important stuff, and that I should just come back later. But he looked real annoyed when saying it—so I didn't come back. He didn't say anything, so I don't think he cared.

A week later.

My dad is Batman, and my new brother is Robin. I'm freaking out. He never told me—I saw them sneaking out one day and I got really mad. Why didn't he tell me? Did Dickie and Jason know? Was I the only one who didn't? Tim got mad at me when I started yelling. I felt really sad so I hid in my room to get away from them. I've been here since. Alfred brought me dinner, but I'm not hungry.

So... this Batman who you saw before, is actually your dad? In this world, this is your father? You almost drop the diary in shock, but you can't tear your eyes away. You can't stop reading.

The next few entries don't catch your eye—it's all teen angst about how you're sick of how busy your dad is, how annoying Tim can be, how Dick won't even visit your room anymore—until something else catches your eye.

3 years later.

Jason is back. He's back home. I don't know why, but he's back. I was so excited to see him again—everyone else has become so busy and won't even talk to me. Nobody else has time for me, but Jason did. But he looked different. He's way older than me, now. He won't even look at me. I tried to hug him but he just put a mask on and walked away. Why is everyone doing this to me? What did I do? It's not fair.

Your writing grows into chicken scratch near the end—as if conveying your frustration. You skim through a few more entries. More teen angst. More about how you can't even hold a conversation with your siblings anymore.

Some were sweet, like how you met some people, unnamed, and treasured their friendship so deeply, but they were few and far between.

I met a girl today. She's my sister now. Her name is Cassandra, and she has very pretty eyes. I tried to talk to her, but dad got pretty mad at me because apparently she doesn't like to talk much. How was I supposed to know that? She didn't even look at me as dad pulled her away. Who even is she? Why does my dad like her better than me? Why does he like them all better than me? It's not fair.

You're bitter. You're upset, and so, so bitter. It's so abundantly clear that as time went on, you became progressively more and more spiteful. It was rather sad to watch.

This stupid little kid tried to kill me. Claimed I was unworthy. I couldn't give less of a shit what he thinks—but my family couldn't give less of a shit about me. They said he's troubled, that he needs patience.

The new few words were less than family friendly. Unkind? Definitely. Deserved? Possibly.

I can't believe this. I'm so sick of this. I want to get out. I can't take this anymore. Jason kills people now, but Bruce still loves him. Even Steph and Babs get more love from Bruce than me. They're not even in the family, but they're better. Because they're superheroes, they're better. Maybe I'll be a hero myself. Maybe then, they'll see me.

You flip the page. That's the last entry. The last page of the book—but behind it, there's a page made of sticky notes on the back cover. Your eyes widen in shock at what you see.

It's all...

"Spidey," you read out the name atop this pasted page in a low whisper.

Your fingertips trace over the detailed drawings. Your costume. Though not made of nanotech—the suit was intricately designed with spider patterns falling all around your arms and legs, with a large spider torso. It looked somewhat like Silk's suit.

Web shooters, with thorough calculations on how much you'd have to bulk up to swing without taking your arm off (which, by what you're reading, was humanly impossible for a regular you), and detailed explanations on what the web fluid was made out of.

More environmentally sustainable than your ones. You'd have to take these notes back home.

It wasn't like your family would go looking—you can't help but think, chewing on your cheek. This was incredible. You must've been a real genius to figure all this out.

Back home, you had Reed and Tony help you with all your spider stuff. Sure, you were the one who came up with all the base ideas and constructed it all yourself—but they helped out a lot with all the technicalities. But to come up with something like, from what you can tell, all on your own...

It was nothing short of incredible. And your family had no idea.

You snap the book shut, eyes narrowing down at the ground. Your Aunt May never would've treated you like this—and if you were correct, this other you must be with your aunt right now.

Good for them, you think. Maybe they'd be happier there, anyway.

A sudden knock at your door brings you out of your stupor. You slip the book away quickly as Alfred opens the door, bowing his head slightly. "Master [name], dinner is ready. If you're feeling better, please come down."

The prospect of a family dinner leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, especially after all you've read from this diary. No matter. You don't know how this you behaved before, but you have bigger issues to deal with than becoming a copy of this sad child.

But despite everything... Alfred really did seem to care for them—for you. You nod, smoothing out your cami. "Thanks. Let's go."

You and he both head down the stairs, and you finally come face to face with the family you've heard so much about.

They're all grinning from ear-to-ear, laughing about something that "happened on patrol" as you take a seat at the end of the table—beside a blonde girl who you think was called Stephanie—chewing on the food.

It was good. Really good. Almost as good as Aunt May's meatloaf. The thought makes you feel a little homesick, but you persevere. The hard glare given to you across the table by this small kid (definitely Damian) isn't helping, though.

Dick catches the look and follows his little brothers gaze to you. He doesn't say anything about it—only ruffles the boy's hair, chuckling, and asks why he seems so glum. The child hisses and starts trying to stab the man with a steak knife, to no avail—of course.

That was the last time you were even glanced at for the rest of the dinner. You almost can't believe it. How could somebody really fade into the background like that? How could such a family let it happen?

How could they be so ignorant? You lose your appetite soon enough, and stand up. The chatter dies down for a second. Stephanie—being the closest toward you, gives you an uncomfortable smile, "Are you not going to finish? You were out for a while... you need energy to get back up and do..."

Whatever it is you do at home, you guess that's probably what she was thinking. Who said you hadn't gotten a telepathic mutation?

She doesn't finish her sentence. You'd just met these people and already you were sick of this. Seriously, you don't think you could get any more uncomfortable if somebody strapped you to a chair and tossed you down a dark well.

You miss the most fantastic of fours you know. They'd never do this to you. Sue was far too sweet.

You shake your head, plate held tight in your hand. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. There's much more important things out there in Gotham, isn't there? Besides—I have more than enough time to heal. Not like I'm doing any hero stuff, huh?"

Your laugh lacks any kind of humour, and you walk out in your typical Spidey fashion. The chatter doesn't spike up for a good ten minutes until after you leave.

You meet Alfred in the kitchen, and he's doing countless dishes alone. There's a stack of plates almost as tall as he is. You roll up your sleeves.

He gives you a confused look. "Master [name]? I have told you before, you—"

"I don't care what you told me." You say, suddenly—but you backtrack when you realise how flat your tone was. Cheeks flushed, you correct yourself, "Ah—sorry. I meant... I don't care what you told me, because it doesn't matter if you don't want help... I'll offer it anyway, you know? I can't help it. It's how I am."

It's why I'm Spidey. Not because I have powers. Not because I'm good at swinging around. Not even because the costume is awesome.

It's because you can't help but help others. You have the power to do so—now it's your responsibility.

You take a sponge, and douse it in dishwashing liquid. You scrub down a porcelain plate beside Alfred in silence.

The pensive look on his face was now replaced by a small, fond smile.

we getting into the typical diary entry stuff okokokkkk but. love interests next chapter. smirks let me cook!!!@

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[torukmaktoskxawng]

Sleeping Beauty - Lo'ak & Neteyam

Part of the Sleeping Beauty Series (all stand-alone)

inspo

Pairing: Lo'ak/Fem!Avatar Reader, Neteyam/Fem!Avatar Reader

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, minors dni, aged-up characters, somnophilia, mate bites, spitting, cussing, unprotected p in v (wrap it, skxawngs), orgasm denial, jacking off, praise, dirty talk, nipple play, squirting, edging, surprise threesome (but they're only into you, not each other), mentions of creampie, cumming on external places, after care, creative use of Na'vi words to avoid saying Y/n, etc.

A/n: Adult Lo'ak & Neteyam done by the one and only @ cinetrix 💕

It was a long day for the both of you, with Lo'ak coming back from a tedious hunt while you were out-- essentially running a bunch of errands for Max with a grocery list of plant samples he wanted you to go find. You hadn't had any time to stop and see Lo'ak as it was running late and Max needed help labeling and taking stock of said samples. Unable to properly fit in the lab in your avatar, you decide to lay her down for the night in your marui and break the connection, opening your eyes to find yourself in your human form, lying on your back in a soft-glowing link bay.  

You eagerly got to work on the samples alongside Max, hoping to get it all done before the day got too late. Day quickly turned to night and you heard the Omatikaya going about their evening outside the lab, preparing and then partaking in their communal feast. It disheartened you to know that you already missed dinner with Lo'ak, knowing that by the time you were finally done with your work, he'd likely be so tired and cuddling your unconscious avatar form. Normally, you don't sleep in your avatar, no matter how much Lo'ak begs you. It's easier to refuse him when he's away from the clan and you have the marui to yourself, but other times, well, he's very persuasive. But Max and even Norm have warned you time and time again that you shouldn't make that a habit and it's required of you to return to your human body at night, or else it'll eventually be just a husk-- a shell of your former self. So far, you've been pretty stern with Lo'ak about this and only gave into him a few very rare times, which usually start with him wanting to take you somewhere private at night so the two of you could be alone. Usually, that then leads to several rounds of orgasms that make you too tired, and oh no, suddenly you can't break your link and you're forced to sleep soundly on Lo'ak's chest. What a shame.

Sleeping beside him, especially in your avatar, is like a reward of its own, and it's so comforting. Sleeping beside him as a human is nice, sure, but with your avatar, you don't have glass obstructing your view or any kisses Lo'ak might want to sneak you. Tonight, after not seeing him all day, was something you really needed.

As much as you knew that linking for long periods of time could be harmful to your human body, you really wanted to be able to sleep alongside your mate tonight. So, with quick feet, you return to your link bay and lie down, barely letting the lid close over you before closing your eyes and forcing your mind to relax. The link connected successfully, and you were whisked away to your avatar, led by a light at the end of that familiar tunnel. 

Waking up was slow, your avatar's eyes too heavy to open just yet, but a different sensation you were unfamiliar with waking up was happening between your legs. A brutal force that was slowly going faster, shoving its way into your gummy, and surprisingly wet pussy, feeling your thighs sticky with clear liquid. Your ears finally hear through the thick fog of your mind, catching the sounds of grunts, in sync with the loud sound of skin slapping together. One brutal push had your body moving up the mat an inch, and it felt as though it pierced the roof of your cervix, causing a quiet whimper to leave your lips. Now you are finally aware of a hot, growing coil, tightening at the bottom of your stomach, threatening to snap at any moment. There was no build-up or foreplay involved for you, just immediately waking to your orgasm ready to flood your entire system.

You gasp as the coil snaps and you leak around the thick cock shoving its way inside of you, some of your juices even splashing on both yours and the abdomen nestled between your legs every time they thrust in and out, prolonging your climax and making your thighs shake around what you assumed was hips. Still bullying their way into your body even as your orgasm finally cools down, you're more aware of how hard and twitchy the cock inside you felt, hitting your sweet spot each time and punching a gasp from your lungs with each thrust.

Finally opening your eyes, you look around and find your mate sitting off to the side, leaning against the foundation of your shared marui while his fist slowly runs up and down his hard, leaking dick, the tip tinged a dull purple color, indicating oversensitivity. Your lips are dry as you try to form words, "Lo... Lo'ak?"

"Hey, mamas," he grins wolfishly, his hand's pace on his cock remaining the same speed as he casually spoke to you, "I hope you don't mind, but I thought Neteyam could spend the night."

Between your orgasm and your sleepy mind, everything was still foggy, and it took a moment before you finally processed his words. Something clicked inside your head when you finally registered that Lo'ak wasn't the one who made you cum, sitting much too far away. Lo'ak wasn't the one currently shoving his way inside your body like he wanted to permanently blend your bodies together into one being. When you turn your head to look up at whoever is currently above you, rearranging your guts, you're met with none other than your mate's older brother. And despite the sweat and crease on his brow, Neteyam has a brash smile etched on his lips when your eyes meet.

"Kaltxì," he huffs out, the word rushed and followed by a rough grunt that escapes his mouth when his hips press flush against yours, your wet walls still occasionally pulsing around his cock in a welcoming embrace, making him dizzy with euphoria.

Your head was spiraling with so many questions, unable to voice them as Neteyam fucks you dumb, too cock drunk to form the words. Over the past year, you would periodically wake in your avatar form, sore and leaking with whatever mess Lo'ak left in between your legs, and when you eventually confront him about it, you both came to the agreement that he's more than welcome to use your avatar for whatever pleasure he has while you're not linked to it... just as long as he makes it up to you later on. You want a little bit of fun of your own, after all.

Lo'ak shuffles closer to you, his cock forgotten for the moment as he reaches you and plants quick and warm kisses all over your face before moving to whisper in your ear, "I wanted to show him all the... advantages of having a dreamwalker as my mate."

Even with Lo'ak's words currently distracting you, you couldn't ignore the way your body slowly began to grow warm and tight again, Neteyam angling his hips and hitting your sweet spot each time so that you were ready for another climax. You gasp at the sensation, reaching up to hang onto something, which ends up being the back of Lo'ak's neck.

Your mate grins before kissing your ear, "I'm so proud of you, mamas. You managed to take my cock before taking Neteyam's and waking up."

That explains why your body felt so sore and sticky, feeling more full than you would imagine with just Neteyam inside you. It felt as though you had run a marathon, but there were no physical signs of Lo'ak on your body until your free hand reached up and grazed his bite scar on your neck. There's a fresh bruise forming over the mate mark, confirming Lo'ak's lewd words.

Neteyam groaned and plunged deep and frantic into you when he watched the dawning realization cross your features. You make an identical sound, the thought of the older Sully brother currently fucking both his cock and Lo'ak's seed further into your womb sending you into a frenzy of soft moans, throwing your head back and arching up into Neteyam's thrusts.

"Great Mother," Neteyam hissed, "She just gripped me tighter."

"Aw, do you like that, baby?" Lo'ak purs into your ear, his lips grazing the shell of it, making it twitch, "Do you like it when I use your holes while you're unconscious? Or do you like it when I invite someone over to use your body without your knowledge?"

You groan loudly as your answer, and the sound spurs Neteyam to reach down and lightly pinch your already abused clit to the same rhythm of his thrusts. Lo'ak moves one of his hands to fondle one of your exposed breasts, and you faintly note that you are completely naked, remembering you had fallen asleep wearing a worn-out RDA shirt meant for avatars. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that same shirt torn to pieces on the floor a few feet from your head.

Lo'ak pinches your nipple, watching it harden before moving to the other one to do the same thing. It leaves you moaning and writhing, practically impaling yourself on Neteyam's cock, your hips rising to meet his own thrusts, much to his delight. His tail unconsciously curls around your thigh, coiling tighter and tighter with each sound you make. Meanwhile, Lo'ak's tail had found your ankle and used it to keep you spread for his brother while he took one of your nipples in his mouth and the other in his hand, switching once or twice to lather both of your hardened buds in his saliva.

"Lo'ak, please..." you whine, feeling your body begin to tighten with anticipation. Neteyam felt light-headed with how hard you were gripping his length. He can barely even pull out you were so tight, holding his cock captive in your dark, wet cavern.

"What is it, mamas?" Lo'ak asks innocently, though one look at his grinning smile, and you know it was just a facade.

"N-Need to cum," you stammer.

"Hm," his yellow eyes twinkle with mischief, leaning down to mutter his reply into your lips, "That's not up to me, baby. Neteyam is taking your pleasure right now. Only he gets to decide if you cum again or not."

He takes advantage of your mouth opening in shock, spitting on your tongue, forcing you to inhale a soft gasp of surprise. His eyes dart back up to meet yours and you can't help the moan that escapes you at the heat you see in his gaze. Lo'ak leans down to kiss your lips in a dirty, sensual display of affection, exploring your mouth with his tongue while purring into your lips, your body proven affected by his actions as you unexpectedly slam your hips against Neteyam's.

The older brother's hand quickly grabs a hold of your waist to stop your movements, spewing out a song of Na'vi curses as he suddenly stops thrusting. He huffs and wheezes, any more movement from you would've led to him cumming too fast, let alone inside your pussy, which wasn't on his agenda, no matter how tempting it was. As pussy drunk as he was in this moment, he still had some sliver of respect for his brother and his wishes. Neteyam could fuck you as much as he wanted tonight, but he wasn't allowed to finish inside you.

"Stay still, yawne," Neteyam whispers breathlessly, trying to think of unpleasant things to keep himself from cumming. A small burst of confidence takes over as a smirk begins to play on his lips as his fingers slow down over your clit, "Or you won't get to cum at all."

He looks down at you, though it was hard to see your eyes with Lo'ak in the way, making out with you as your lips make vulgar sounds as they slide together, strings of saliva connecting you to your mate every time the need for air takes over. Neteyam forces himself to look away, the sight of your kiss-bitten lips, so swollen and wet, made his cock twitch inside of you.

Lo'ak gasps quietly for air before leaning down to kiss your cheek and whisper in your ear, "Go on, baby. I want you to. You can beg for my brother, it's okay... We used to share a lot of things growing up. This is hardly any different. So go ahead. Beg for Neteyam to let you cum. I don't mind."

You whimper as you feel Lo'ak's hot breath fan over the side of your neck, squeezing your eyes shut as your thighs clench around Neteyam's waist. With your mate's permission, you don't waste time opening your mouth and shamelessly begging, "Please, Neteyam. Please make me cum! Oh, fuck--"

The whine that escapes you will haunt you later with a less foggy head, but it's the only thing you could do in protest when you feel Neteyam completely slide out of your pussy, tip and all. He waits until you finally open your pretty eyes to look up at him, then he smiles.

"There you are. Keep your eyes on me, yawne, and I'll let you cum."

You nod obediently, parting your lips to moan as Neteyam gently smacks his tip over your clit and then easily slips between your wet folds. It's so hard to keep your eyes open when his cock slowly and painstakingly slides into you, shoving the tip deep inside until he's sure he's pressing against your sweet spot, then pulls out and repeats the same motion, as slowly as before.

Lo'ak moves out of your space and sits back on his feet, taking his aching cock back in hand and jerking off to the same motions Neteyam makes when entering your pussy, the younger Sully biting his lip when the motion only relieved a small bit of the torture he put himself through by trying to cum again after already doing so inside you. Lo'ak watches your face as you're brought back over the edge of ecstasy, eyelashes fluttering, cheeks flushing, and swollen mouth open agape. You keep your eyes on Neteyam, but you can see Lo'ak just in the corner of your peripheral and you know what he's doing. Without warning, you reach a hand out to wrap around Lo'ak's cock and his hips jolt as if he'd been shocked.

"Shit-!" Lo'ak gasped as you continued to pump his dick, up and down at the same pace as Neteyam's thrusts. Your mate moans loudly, thrusting into your hand to try and urge you to go faster, "That's it, baby... don't stop."

You obey, even going a little faster and smiling between moans when Lo'ak starts to whimper, just the way you like him, knowing he was close. His whimpers are quickly forgotten, even if only for a moment, when Neteyam starts to thrust harder, forcing your eyes to roll back as you feel your body burning up from the inside out, the coil unbearably tight as your toes curl.

Neteyam's hips stop, flush against yours as he growls, "Eyes."

Your gaze immediately snaps back to him, and he chuckles under his breath, "Good girl."

His fingers move side to side against your clit, then in circles. He repeats this pattern when he noticed the way your pussy clenches around his cock, a deep growl vibrating from the back of his throat at the sensation. He can't keep edging himself like this or else he'll really lose control and then he won't pull out, no matter how much he knows he has to. So, he decides not to torture you for long as he finally nods.

"Now, yawne. You can cum."

Lo'ak whines at the feel of your hand squeezing him a little tighter, his precum leaking down your knuckles, "That's it, baby, you heard him. Cum for us, mamas, that's it. Cum on Neteyam's cock. Show him what you can do."

A long series of moans and soft screams tumble from your mouth as you throw your head back and chase after your high. Slamming your hips down on Neteyam's cock and using him, you make sure he hits your sweet spot every time before your coil snaps and your liquid spews everywhere, your whole body twitching as your juices leak out from around Neteyam's cock and splashes over his abs and bioluminescent freckles, slowly dripping down his delicious blue skin.

You're still cumming when Lo'ak follows suit, gently batting your hand away so he could take his cock in hand and finish over your tits, moaning and whimpering unapologetically as his cum splatters over your chest, pearly white droplets sliding over your nipples and down the curves of your breasts. Lo'ak gasps and groans at the sight, so whiny and desperate, continuously fisting his cock and painfully holding the tip so he squeezes out every last drop onto your tits.

Neteyam's less vocal than his brother, but you still manage to catch his climax as well, feeling not one but two different spurts of cum on your body, mixed with Lo'ak's loud whines and a soft growl you were less familiar with. As you're coming down from your high, you peer down between your legs to see Neteyam gripping tightly onto his cock, slowly softening beneath his fingertips as long strings of his seed dance and paint over your stomach, collecting in your belly button. Looking up, Neteyam's face is an absolute wreck, flushed in a darker shade of color, the color of his eyes now reverting to small, tiny rings, shrouded with lust. He's clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet, much to your disappointment, but you don't complain since he has yet to stop circling your clit, drawing out the last of your orgasm until it becomes too sensitive. Once you whine in discomfort, he immediately stops his movements. 

The marui is filled with huffing and panting, all three of you clawing for air as your bodies cool down, turning into jello and unable to properly form words yet. You have to lick your lips as they've dried, but Lo'ak takes it a step further and kisses you, slowly, passionately, and less desperate. While kissing Lo'ak you feel Neteyam's hands in the crook of your knees, untangling them from around his waist and setting them on the floor while his body heat vanishes from your skin. You're about to whine into Lo'ak's mouth in protest when a warm, wet cloth meets your raw and fluttering pussy, gently cleaning you of any fluids before moving onto your stomach and breasts. You don't miss the way Neteyam kisses both of your knees as he works at cleaning you up, making your tail bat gently against the ground. Lo'ak softly groans into your lips before pulling away, his smile lopsided and boyish before he kisses your nose.

"You did so good for us, mamas. You've never woken up when I'm in the middle of fucking you before. Neteyam must feel awfully lucky."

Both you and Neteyam hum in response, but otherwise say nothing as your lust gives way to exhaustion. Lo'ak lays down beside you and wraps you in his arms, pressing your back against his front and kissing the base of your kuru, smiling to himself when your tail gently slaps his hip. Neteyam sighs and lays down on the other side of you, the two of you facing each other but at a more respectable distance, even though you both wish for him to move closer. You settle by holding his hand in yours while relaxing into Lo'ak's embrace, smiling to yourself over what just happened as you close your eyes to sleep.

While it's true that you've never connected to your avatar when Lo'ak was in the middle of using you, after tonight, you definitely need to be able to time this better for next time. 

Taglist: @pandoraslxna @inolaphoenix @neteyamsoare @mooniequeen @avatar-lover @taronyuhunter @neteyamsyawntu @neteyamsl0ver @ikeyniofthetayrangi @neteyamssyulang

[hai7ani]

also applies to Chifuyu & Shinichiro.......i think

It's late but I can't seem to think about anything other than the boyfriends who smell a lot like you. I think this applies very well to Rindou like. You're just together so often. His friends have already registered the smell as his own, and even though he sprays on his cologne before he leaves he still manages to smell like you for the rest of the day somehow.

A few have asked what his cologne or perfume is and he says the brand and then they go and compare it in-store but it legit smells nothing like him at all. Around his circle of friends he is notoriously known as the perfume gatekeeper and he doesn't understand it at all 一 has no clue what the big deal is around his perfume, because that's literally the brand he uses, what the hell more do you want from him? Not his fault the in-store oxidised-or-whatever samples don't smell like him. (He literally doesn't smell you on him because he's so used to it already. Like cat owners not knowing how their home smells like to a stranger. Yeah. You're the cat and he's the owner in this case.)

His friends can't quite place and recognise what exactly the smell is 一 especially the people he just met, and it always surprises them a little somehow during first impressions. It's just not very........common for a guy to smell like this. Especially not for a guy who looks like him 一 tall, tatted up, and eyes so fierce it could possibly kill 一 to smell a lot like flowers and bedsheets. The kinda scent that makes you feel at ease and you just want to fall asleep. A comforting one.

And I think that kind of explains why the elderly love speaking to him. Young kids like going up to him for help. The ladies holding their babies likes asking him to help with their stroller. All of that happens regularly despite the tattoos and chunky rings and dyed hair. He often wonders what the hell's so alluring about him that always attracts all these people in public especially when he's alone, but he does find himself doing kind, mundane things for them way too frequently. Not a single complaint on his mind, but just a thought. His girlfriend is usually the magnet attracting people all the time 一 he's more of the dog you'd walk when alone at night. But honestly it's just really his distinct smell from the rest that immediately makes him a safe zone to approach, but he doesn't know that of course.

Shion was over at his place one time to hide from the rain after dinner and he wasn't aware that anyone was home other than him and Rindou alone. The familiar scent of his friend suddenly lingers around in the air and he's quick to ask. "Yo, you got any beer in your fridge? I'm kinda thirsty." He doesn't look up from his phone the entire time 一 they're best buddies, he's been over a few times, and he just really wants something to drink.

A while later, a can of ice cold beer appears in his view next to his device and he grabs it swiftly. "Thanks."

And then he sees long nails and bracelets and fingers a lot more nimbler than his friend's一

Suddenly the smell of fresh flowers 一 something pretty famous from Armani, he recalls 一 floods his nostrils all at once and his brain short circuits. His friend fucking smells like you 一 your scent is just a lot more stronger and distinguishable.

"You're welcome." You have a nice smile on your face while he looks up in horror. "He's in the toilet by the way." You point to the door behind you.

"Oh. My bad."

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Silent Treatment

SUMMARY: How would they react to you giving them the Silent Treatment?

CHARACTERS: Demon Brothers (Lucifer; Mammon; Leviathan; Satan; Asmodeus; Beelzebub & Belphegor)

TAGS: Fluff; GN Reader 

WORD COUNT: An average of 540 words per character.

COMMENTS: I remember I had this idea after reading that Mammon had stolen and sold something from MC. MC used STAY on him, but if he did that to me I would be so upset that I would want him to suffer more than that. And I thought about the silent treatment, which would certainly be his worst nightmare. And that's why I thought of making this post. Beel's part is the shortest, but you'll see why.

I hope you enjoy 🤫

CONTEXT: This takes place in the Original timeline and not Nightbringer. So, to make matters worse for them/him, you live with them in the House of Lamentation.

Your argument was probably about Lucifer working too much and you wanting to give him a break. But his stress mixed with pride made him deny this offer in a rather mean and perhaps even disrespectful way.

Does he not want you to bother him? Very well then. What if you never bother him again?

At home, you ignore him. He tries to talk to you, but seeing how stubborn you are he ends up giving up. But this is already bothering him a lot.

At school, if necessary, you will talk to him about importante matters related to RAD as if he were any other student at school. And that's it. Anything else outside of that, you will continue to ignore it.

And that just makes everything worse for him. To have YOU of all people talk to him like he was just any student?! Not only does this hurt his pride, but this small sample of conversation with you makes him miss you more and more. But he will continue to hide it.

The last straw will be at home, when he asks you something directly and you ask one of his brothers to answer for you. Bonus if it's someone from the Anti-Lucifer League. But he must have lasted two or three days without talking to you.

He will lure you to his office, where it all started. Maybe he'll tell you to go get some important papers. You won't see him inside, but as soon as you're close to the desk you'll hear the door closing and locking. And that's when you see him calmly walking down the office stairs to meet you.

“So you decided to give me the silent treatment.” Lucifer says as he walks down the stairs.

“Didn't you want me to leave you alone?” You say, still not looking at him.

“I never said that and you are perfectly aware of that.” He finishes down the stairs and walks over to you. “I just didn't want to rest because I needed to finish that.” You don't answer him again. He already knows what you think about that. Your back is to him and he stops right behind you. “*Sigh* I'm sorry. I know you only want me well. I was just... I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I promise that next time I will consider the break.”

His voice is sad, so you know he was being sincere. But you wanted to see how much he missed you, so you remained silent and with your back turned to him. And he knows you. He knows what you want. He sighs again, more deeply, as if you're making him admit something that hurts his pride.

“Please... I miss you...” You haven't turned around yet. That wasn't enough and it bothers him. You had his desk in front of you.

He rests his hand on the table, leaning on it, and leans in to bring his face closer to yours. “Now you're just teasing me, aren't you?” He was now with that smug on his face. And he sees you give a little smile, which was the sign he understood to move forward. He holds your chin and makes you face him. “You missed me too, didn't you?” he whispers near your lips “You little tease.” And he kisses you passionately and provocatively.

Mammon probably sold something of yours. Or maybe another things of yours. Of course, you hate it when he does that. So you decide to give him the silent treatment, because you know, you know perfectly well that he won't handle it. There is nothing else you can be so sure about as this.

The moment he realizes what you are doing, he collapses. The day wasn't even over yet. In fact, you were on break from classes.

He even gets kicked out of class for constantly trying to talk to you.

You know how much he hates being ignored and being ignored by you breaks his heart into pieces.

He wants to resolve this as quickly as possible, but not in front of his brothers. He waits for you to be alone in your room.

You hear a knock on your door and you ask who it is.

“It's me, the Great Mammon. I got your stuff back. All of them. Open the door and see.”

You decide to open the door, even if it was just out of curiosity and you see Mammon holding so many things that you can barely see his face. You can see your stuff that he sold and some gifts like a teddy bear, chocolates, clothes, accessories, your favourite nerd/geek/otako related stuff, etc... You let him in and put all that on top of your bed.

“I got it all back! But, um, you don't mind if some of them are new right? I also bought you more things. These are your favourite chocolates, right? And you really wanted this plush, didn't you?”

You remain silent, looking at him with your arms crossed. This already happened once and he sold your things again.

“I won't sell your stuff again, I promise. You can hit me with your stay if I ever do it again.”

You turn your back on him and go do something, like homework for example. You went back to ignoring him because he used that excuse before.

“Please hang me upside down like Lucifer, use your stay on me at full power, but please stop ignoring me.” he sounds desperate.

You sit at the table you have in the room behind the bed. Continuing to ignore him. The next scene you see is him kneeling next to you, his head at the same level as your thighs, and looking at you like a puppy with tears starting to come out of his eyes.

“Please. I never thought this was so bad. I can't stand not having you anymore. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. Damn it, I miss you yelling at me.” He places his chin on your thigh, looking at you. “Please, talk to me again~”

You can't take so much cuteness anymore. “Don't sell my stuff again! You hear me, you idiot?!”

His face lights up. "Am I forgiven?"

“Yes, for now you are.”

He gets up and hugs you, showering you with kisses. He won't leave you alone for the rest of the day.

Levi would hardly do anything that deserved the silent treatment. He practically idolizes you, he would never do anything to hurt you. So, something like this would definitely have been an accident.

He had arranged a date with you. But then an Ruri-chan's event came up and he ended up going to it instead of going to you. He got the dates wrong and thought the date with you was the next day.

And he only realized this mistake when the next day he sent you a message asking where you were and if you had forgotten about the date, and you replied that he was the one who forgot that the date had been the day before.

After that, you are bombarded with messages apologizing and saying how much of a complete idiot he is and doesn't deserve you. You don't respond anymore, which leaves him in a dilemma to decide whether to go to you or never see you again because you don't deserve to hear the excuses of someone as pathetic as him.

But he has to do it! He has to apologize to you in person! Even if it means you telling him to his face that you never want to see him again. He would deserve it anyway.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door. The moment you open the door, Levi kneels down and places his forehead on the floor.

“I am so sorry! I'm an embarrassment of a partner. I don't even deserve your forgiveness. But I needed to show you my regret.”

Maybe you were already feeling a little bad for him, but you were also curious to know how far your silence could take him. You turned away from the door, gesturing for him to enter your room.

He enters with mixed feelings, on the one hand he was afraid of what you could do if you wanted to punish him. On the other hand... wasn't he kinda into those things?

But no, you just sit on the bed and use your cell phone to send a message to Levi, asking why he missed the date the day before. You still needed to talk to him, but not yet with your voice that he loves so much. When he happily tells you that it was because of Ruri-chan's event, you look even more upset.

“N-N-N-N-NO WAIT! I'm so sorry! Exchanging you for anyone else, even Ruri-chan is unforgivable! I should have warned you. I wanted to tell you, but it was all so short notice.”

You still didn't say anything and even crossed your arms with a sulky expression. He kneels at your feet and gets so close to your legs that he could even hug them.

“I know that what I did was a complete betrayal, and a wretch like me doesn't deserve another opportunity, but please, just let me hear your voice one last time, even if it's to say that you hate me.”

And you finally break. You know he didn't do it out of spite and you've already punished him enough. You know you're practically torturing him at this point.

Regardless of how you say or show that you forgive him, he will praise you, maybe even cry and if you let him hug you, he will cling to you desperately.

Satan was probably on a bad day. A really bad day. That kind of day where anything irritates him, even you trying to calm him down. And he ended up saying what he would regret the moment you left his side: He told you to shut up.

And that's what you did, but for longer than he was expecting. He realized you were giving him the silent treatment when he came up to you to ask if the two of you could talk alone, so he could apologize to you, and you acted like he wasn't there. He was upset at first, but soon after he realized that that was exactly what led to this situation.

He won't try to talk to you in public again. He's prideful too. He'll wait until you two get home, and you are alone in your room.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door. When you open it, you see Satan with a big bouquet of flowers in his hands. Either they're your favourite flowers, or your favourite colour or anything he knows you would like.

“Would you allow me to speak to you, please?” He wasn't angry, he was sorry and you could see it in his eyes.

You don't answer, but you let him into your room. If you pick up the flowers, he'll be a little more relieved. But if not, he'll put them on the table and get a little more worried.

“I'm so sorry. I should never talk to you like that. I regretted my words the moment you walked out the door. I realize what you are doing, you are doing what I asked you to do, and it tears me apart. I'm not mad at what you're doing to me, I deserve it and worse.” He kneels in front of you and bows his head. “But please tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me. Because no words can mend the ones I used.”

If those words weren't enough for you and you're feeling like he deserves to "suffer" a little more for the way he treated you, you send him a message (he still doesn't deserve to hear your voice) saying that if he's really sorry about that, he could be your cat butler for a day.

He lifts his head and looks at you, blushing slightly. “With a condition: It will be for your eyes and your eyes alone! No making me go to the kitchen or something while any of my brothers is there!”

And if you agree, he will do it. Any request he will fulfill. If you tell him to end his sentences with "Nya" he will do it, partially embarrassed but partially enjoying it.

And at the end of the day, when you finally let him hear your voice again saying that you forgive him, but that you hope it doesn't happen again, he smiles, kiss your hands like a gentleman and asks permission to hug and kiss you again, after so long.

There's a good chance you decided to do this because you started seeing Asmo with more and more succubuses and incubuses.

Well, if he likes being with them so much instead of you, let's see what happens if you prefer to talk to the other brothers instead of him.

He starts the day with no idea what you've decided to do, so he compliments everyone, especially you. And the moment you don't greet him back he knows something is very wrong.

He cannot, nor does he want to, hide how devastated he already is. Of all the demon brothers he is the one who loves attention the most and not getting it from YOU is the worst thing that could happen to him.

In return, you will have ALL his attention. He won't leave you for a second. He needs to know what happened, even if he has to make a dramatic spectacle at your feet.

He will speak to you in the sweetest of voices, calling you all the affectionate names he knows of, even if he has to do so in other languages. Hon, honey, love, darling, Mon cher, mon amour, mi amor, amore mio...

If you just want to talk to him at the House of Lamentation, you'll have to ask the other brothers to basically be your bodyguards. Which will only make the situation worse for Asmo. And more fun for his brothers.

When you get home you tell one of the brothers to tell Asmo that when you are available to talk to him you will send him a message.

You were alone in your room when you sent the message to Asmo saying that you could "talk" in your room. Not a second had passed when he knocked on your door, almost as if he had been waiting in the hallway that entire time.

He’ll walk in like a happy puppy whose owner has finally opened the door for him. He will try to hug you, but you can't give in. You stray, cross your arms and looks in any direction other than at him.

“Why are you being so mean to me?” he asks in that cute, sad voice. “What could someone as cute as me have done to deserve this?”

To continue guarding your voice until he deserves to hear it, you write and send him a message. In it you talk about the succubuses and incubuses with whom he took a ton of photos and posted a bunch of stories, and it started to be much more than normal.

“Aww, my little sheep is jealous, that's so cute!” You turn your back to him. “HA! NO! Wait! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I thought you knew that you are the one I love the most in all three worlds. I love you almost as much as I love myself. I couldn't say no to my fans. Oh, I know! What if we spend a whole day together? What if we went on a special date? I can prepare everything! I'll reserve a table at your favorite restaurant. I can even buy you new clothes if you want.” You turned back to him, but still didn't say anything. “Pwease, talk to me again~ I'm sowwy~”

If you accept his apology and tell him so with your voice, he will hug you and kiss you al over your face. “Ahhh! I missed you so much~!”

Honestly, I can't imagine a single scenario where Beel would do something that would deserve the silent treatment. He's the type to apologize even if it's not his fault. Even if he ate something of yours, he would apologize in the next second.

So, most likely, you and Belphie were just curious to know how Beel would react. And this would probably happen after you had done this to everyone else but him and his brothers wanted to know how he would react.

At breakfast he greets everyone, but you're the only one who doesn't greet him back. And you already feel horrible because you can feel his sad gaze on you.

"(Y/N)? Is everything okay?" he asks in an already apologetic voice. You still don't answer him, and that hurts so much, poor thing.

The other brothers tell Beel to start eating otherwise everyone will be late. But he says he doesn't want to. And everyone looks at him in amazement, except you. He is looking at you and only you, no one else matters, not even the food.

“Are you angry with me? I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did this time, but I'm sorry. Did I eat something that was yours?” You still don't respond but you're almost at your breaking point. “(Y/N)?” He says your name in the cutest regretful voice that only he could do and you break down.

You turn to him and hug him, apologizing. You explain that he didn't do anything and explain that everything is fine. If you offer him the rest of your breakfast he will be very happy.

But he will be much closer to you for the rest of the day. It hurt him a lot and he just wants to make sure that everything was really okay. He will really like it if you two cuddle a little when your back home.

What could he do to make you mad at him? *cough* Lesson 16 *cough*. Anyway. There's a good chance he's been a little more selfish lately. Always wanting your free time to be spent with him, and try to convince you to fall into the temptation of laziness and exchange your responsibilities for him.

He needed to learn a lesson. He needed to value you more and realize that you are not a guarantee. Let's see what happens if he no longer has you.

He realizes something is wrong when you don't respond to him.

He tries to convince you to talk to him by being cute. That younger brother cuteness that he always uses against his brothers.

When he realizes that this isn't going to work, he isn't exactly going to give up. He will stop trying to convince you with words, yes. But he won't leave your side. He will be almost like a ghost behind you. At least until you all get home.

You'll have to lose him or convince his brothers to help you if you don't want him to follow you to your room the moment you get to the House of Lamentation.

If you manage to do this, you will be bombarded with messages until you finally respond saying he can come talk to you in your room.

He knocks on your bedroom door like he normally does. As soon as you let him in and close the door he will get extremely close to you, but he won't hug you no matter how much he wants to. He knows that could make the situation worse.

“So, what happened?” he asks close to your ear and in his calm voice. “Why are you upset with me?”

You poke your head in a gesture.

“Do you want me to think? To guess? *Sigh* Fine...” he says pouting sadly. “Um... I know you get upset because I make you late with your work. Sorry. I promise I'll stop being so pushy about that. But, you know I want to be with you.”

That was a good start, but it still wasn't enough for you. You had your back turned to him without speaking.

“You know, it really hurts to see you mad at me like this. I miss you.” and then it hits him. “Oh... that’s it, I miss you. I don’t think anyone likes to be seen as a guarantee, right? I'm sorry, for being so selfish with you. You always try to make me happy by giving in to my whims, I should do the same for you more often... I mean, I will do the same for you more often. I promise.” You turn to him, but still don't say anything. “um... What if... tomorrow, I have to give in to whatever whims you have? But go easy on me, okay?”

You accept the deal, and tell him so. He laughs, saying that he already missed hearing your voice so much. And if you let him, he'll hug you.

“We still have a lot of time until dinner, and I miss your cuddles. You're not going to say you didn't miss me too, right? Come on, just a few minutes. I promise I'll spoil you more than you spoil me, he he.”

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[losers-clvb]

Do you think sam ever lets someone sit on his lap while he reads? And like… slowly gets distracted? 👀

Asking for academic research.

i know you probably meant fully clothed, innocent sitting on the lap, however, i just have to proclaim my affinity for cockwarming while reading. it just seems so intimate, and you can't tell me sam wouldn't be all about that! c'mon, he wants to crawl inside his girl's skin he loves her so much.

so yes, i do think he lets someone sit on his lap while he reads, and yes, he does get distracted. especially if you're getting all shifty when on him.

now, we can imagine this a few ways.

one, you're both feeling it immediately. it starts innocent. you're tired, or maybe you just wanna be close to him. he's reading up on some lore for that week's case. it's mindless, the way his arm lifts to let you crawl onto his lap.

"love you." you whisper to him, head resting on his shoulder. your arms are draped around him. he repositions himself, holding his book with one hand so he can wrap his free arm around you.

"love you more." he mumbles back. it's this little game he tries to play, usually leading the two of you to go back and forth. you never know who wins. it's a tie, you suppose. tonight, you only respond with a kiss on his neck, stubble scratching your lips.

sam continues to read while you lounge on him. you focus on his breathing, the sound of the pages flipping as he finishes reading them. at some point, you become increasingly aware of the position you're sitting in. even soft, sam's dick presses against you in just the right way.

you try to stay still, you really, really do. the muscle of your cheek twitches with the effort of slowly shifting your hips enough to give you any sense of relief.

sam notices immediately. he always notices everything you do, though the added heat seeping through your jeans helps the realization of what you're doing come to him faster.

"mmm, babe, tryin' to read," he hums. he wouldn't mind putting the book down to touch you, but he wants to let you ask for it first. with the knowledge that he's noticed your movements, you roll your hips down deeper.

"can't help it," you sigh into his ear, "you're just so hot." you can feel him hardening beneath you. you let out a whimper with another grind against him.

"say it." he orders. he's already shoving his book across the table, hands flying to your hips. you moan theatrically for him, getting a rise out of how he twitches in his jeans.

"want you to fuck me, sammy." you let out breathily, nibbling on the skin just under his earlobe. you didn't want to play games tonight. you needed him in you.

sam slides his arm down your back and under your ass, lifting you just enough to free himself. he shuffles your shorts and underwear down your legs. you ease onto him with a gasped sigh, sinking down with no resistance.

you two work in sync, you lifting your hips, sam thrusting into you when your pace stuttered. in no time, he's got you whining out with your orgasm. it's not until he's sure you're fully satisfied that he lets himself go.

you two stay like that for a while. sam is still inside you, your arms are back to draping over his shoulders. he's gone straight into his book, humming small words of love to you when he feels it's right.

two, you're forced to sit on his lap for whatever reason. for example, let's say it's at a hunter reunion! it got a bit out of hand, so read it here!

three, stanford era! sam letting his lab partner sit on his lap to look at samples. you wouldn't say you were close friends with sam. you're just lab partners, of course. sure, he's cute and nerdy and kind and kind of smoking hot, but he's also super shy and seems to not be into you.

wrong.

sam has never been into someone more than he's into you. in his eyes, you're an angel. everything about you. he thinks you're absolutely gorgeous, insanely smart, you're nice to him, and your fucking legs in those little skirts you like to flounce around in has had him stumbling to the bathroom to "relieve" himself more than once.

he's ashamed to say it, but you are the only thing he thinks about when he's jerking off.

unfortunately, he doesn't see how a girl like you could be interested in a boy like him. and add on the extra threat of the supernatural coming after you? he's never touching you.

that's why you have to make the first move.

the instructor had brought out microscopes for the day's lesson. it was middle school shit, just seek out the differences in the samples to determine which one was the odd man out. you didn't mind. it gave you the perfect opportunity to get all over sam.

you would use this as a sign of him really being into you or not. he would either let you sit in his lap while you looked (signaling into you status), or he would decline and move from the stool (signaling never gonna happen status).

"sam, can i look at the samples?" you ask, fluttering your lashes. sam nods, maybe too quickly, and swallow before moving to stand. you lay a hand on his chest, making his eyes widen and his movements to falter. "can i use your lap for an extra boost?"

sam balks at you. he can't believe this. you, his angel sent from heaven, wants to sit on him, the boy who can't even go home for christmas break. his mind -- and eyes -- fly to your skirt. it's short, like usual, and he can see the slightest bit of your midriff peeking out at him where your shirt wrinkled upwards.

"sam?" you ask when he still doesn't answer. his gaze shoots back to you and he nods, more than technically necessary. you smile sweetly at him and perch on his thighs. his hands instinctively go to your waist to steady you. this time sam smiles sweetly when you don't swat him away.

you're acutely aware of your lace panties pressing into the denim of his jeans when you bend forward to look in the microscope. so is sam, it appears, because soon you feel something hard pressing against the fabric covering you.

you bite back a smirk and glance behind you to see a nervous sam. he opens his mouth to apologize, but you cut him off before he can speak.

"you wanna show me how the cowboys from kansas do things?" you purr to him, low enough so the rest of your classmates can't hear. sam's eyes darken with something that has you clenching around nothing.

that night, you see the shy side of sam drop away with every orgasm he pulls out of you.

and four, some good ol' fashioned cockwarming. it's night, just before sleep. sam has a book cradled in his hands. you're laying on him, sleep shirt (his shirt) bunched up around your waist to account for your positioning. the positioning being you warming his cock while he reads to you. it's some book from his childhood, one of his favorites.

you did this often. the reading and the cockwarming. you two preferred it. it made you feel... closer. like there was something binding you together. it wasn't inherently sexual. yes, there were times it would lead to sex, but most times, it ended with you passed out on his chest.

it's the beginning of this book. the night before, he'd finished reading one of your favorites. it was how it worked. one book was your choice, the next sam's, and so on and so forth. of course, by the end of each book, you both claimed it as your favorite, even if it had been the other's pick. you were slowly building a little library of your shared-love books.

you let out a deep breath as sam speaks. his chest rumbles under where your cheek is pressed against his shirt. you've never been happier, or fuller.

eventually, you fall asleep. that fact slips past sam for a few pages. he's gonna have to go back and read them again the next night, but he doesn't mind. he just loves you with everything he's worth.

sam dog-ears the page -- something you'll scold him for when you see it ("use the pretty bookmarks i bought!") -- and sets it on the bedside table. he flicks the lamp off and settles into his own sleep, still inside of you.

alright! maybe more than you asked for, anon, but it was what popped into my mind as i typed.

oh, my favorite cockwarming fics? i'm so happy you asked!! here's a few that pretty much center around it from some moots:

"letting you" by @chxrrywines

"gotta earn it" by @angelicjackles

untitled sam drabble by @littlesoulshine

"says i'm his favorite (yeah, i better be)" by @sorryitsmyfirstdayonearth (okay, it doesn't center around cockwarming, but it's there, and is one of my favorite fics. BOY KING SAM SUPREMACY!)

if anyone else has any cockwarming fics, send them my way. i'mma eat that shit up!!!

[darlingdaisyfarm]

Hiii! I hope I'm not late for the hc party.

I hc that Ford has tried a looot of different nsfw unholy things with his partner. It took a bit to get there and a lot of reassurances and consent discussions ofc!

I hc he would've tried hypnotism and medical fet. But dunno if he'd go forward with the former with his past- maybe trying it once. I am just a sucker for his velvety smooth voice holy shit I'd do anything for this old man-

But what do you think?

hi!! no ur not late dont worry!! first of all, i love Ford’s voice too. i would melt into a fucking puddle if he praised me. “you’re doing so well, darling” id cry and physically shut down. you would have to scrape me off the floor. j.k. simmons was such a correct choice.

nsfw stuff under the cut

i also think you’re spot on about the hypnotism, maybe he’d be into it or at least deeply curious, but the implications would hit him mid-scene and he’d stop bc he’s too self-aware. he needs to know you’re with him the whole time, fully present. Ford would only do it if you begged, like seriously begged. he’d be scared shitless the whole time but would still try for you. aftercare would be INTENSE. he’s checking in every ten seconds. “are you okay? are you really okay?” he’s cupping your face, looking at your pupils

he’d only go through with it once, maybe twice, because it fucks him up too much

and medical kink??? he’s totally the kind of man who would pull on gloves and inspect you like you’re a specimen and a miracle at the same time.. explaining ur own anatomy back to u while softly saying, “is this alright?” as he touches you. holding your hips down while noting your pulse. analysing you mid-moan.

and listen, i don’t even know if this counts as medical kink, but you know he’s journaling about it after. the sex, your reactions, the exact way you tasted, what your body did at certain times. your pH levels, maybe.... LMAO. but like he’d absolutely do that

also the gloves, i need him to wear them. snapping them on like it’s just procedure. brushing his knuckles across your stomach to see how your muscles react. i promise, there will be many phrases as “you’re so responsive” or “fascinating. i wonder if that’s neural or psychological…”

no, wait

imagine him checking your heart rate with two fingers to your neck

“tell me if it gets too intense. i want your full consent, not just compliance.”

probably pulls out a sterile metal tray with tools. a stethoscope. thermometer. gloves. lube. “just a standard preliminary exam,” he says while you’re already squirming

and and and..... “can i insert something for observation?” he says this while adjusting his glasses... how did i even come up with that

“you're flushed. elevated respiration. dilated pupils. how are you feeling, sweetheart?”

he'd do a “follow my finger” test to watch your eyes while you're dizzy from edging

he’d have a vibrator with adjustable intensity levels and graph it against your response time

“you’re being so good. now lie still for the procedure”

HE HOLDS YOUR WRIST TO CHECK YOUR PULSE WHILE HE’S INSIDE YOU. “i want to feel what i do to you. right here”

“may i collect a sample?”

anyway. this is your fault thank you!! i want to be Ford’s favourite experiment but in like a romantic and fucked up way. “my hypothesis is that you’re the most beautiful creature i’ve ever seen” he says this while fingering you in latex gloves

[heavenlytouches]

You comented on my Na'vi post long ago saying about writing something A vatar themed. Can you do Tsu tey female reader? Thanksss xx

Hello sweetie! Whoopsie, I kinda forgot TwT but no worries, I'm sure I can whip up something about our grumpy blue dude! Thank you so so much for reminding me babes!

El <3

Tsu'tey- the heart of Pandora

𓇼 ⋆｡˚ 𓆝

FEM  reader

<3 (SFW)

TW- none

NA'VI! x SCIENTIST!reader

(all Na'vi language I used will be listed and translated) :)

grumpy boy <3

Tsu'tey

(I love Na'vi collages sm)

You adjusted your exo-pack, peering through it into the iridescent landscape of Pandora. Bioluminescent plants stretch towards the colorful sky as shadows flicker at the edge of your peripheral vision. You love this world- the vibrant flora, the majestic fauna, and most of all- the thrill of exploration.

As a scientist, every element holds secrets waiting to be discovered, but there's one thing you find particulary intriguing- a certain Na'vi warrior named Tsu'tey.

He's unmatched in both strength and ferocity, a protector of his people. You've seen him from a safe distance of your lab- his towering frame outlined against the glowing trees, his presence both commanding and intimidating.

To you, he often seems grumpy and cold, glancing at your kind with an air of disdain as if you're more an annoying insect than a person. Still, there's something about his rugged demeanor that tugs at your heart- something that hints at uncharted depths beneath that icy exterior.

Your days are typically filled with research, colleting samples of flora for analysis and documenting your findings.

However, you find that every time Tsu'tey wanders into your workspace- hands on his navy hips, brow furrowed- you can't help but feel your pulse quicken.

Perhaps he's the most beautiful Omaticayan, the most beautiful sight on Pandora. Maybe, just maybe you wished he could see you differently too.

One late afternoon under the obsidian sky, you take a deep breath. Your exo-pack making wonders, letting you breathe while also giving you the ability to look around yourself. Tsu'tey was sitting near you under the tree, his hands moving restlessly- sharpening his arrows one by one.

"Tsu'tey"

You call, your voice slightly wavering. He turns to you, his brow arching in curiosity. His yellow eyes were staring at you, his blue ears flat against his skull.

"Would you mind helping me gather some flowers over by floating rocks?"

Tsu'tey got up and placed his arrow on the ground. He looked at you curiously, his blue tail whiping behind his back. You tried not to stare at the tall alien as he moved closer, many decorations around his neck swinging as he walked.

"I need them for my research on bioluminescence."

You explained, looking at his form- silently peering at you. His body was huge, tall and blue, streaked with navy marks and glowing white freckles. He had some scars from past battles.

His expression remains one of stoic indifference, but after an agonizing pause, he nods briskly. It's not the warmth you hoped for but it's the start.

"Get up, tawtute." (sky person)

He says, not even looking at you. You sprang to your feet, following the tall alien who was already vanishing near the purple bushes.

Together, you navigate the treacherous paths as he leads the way, his strength evident in the way he swings past various obstacles.

"You tawtutes... always demanding, always exploring." (sky people)

He muttered to himself. You were walking beside the tall Na'vi, trying to keep up with his steps.

As you crouch to collect specimens, Tsu'tey watches, keenly aware, as if guarding your safety. The flowers you gather in your hands, and for a fleeting moment, it almost feels like you share something more-a silent connection. That's until he notices which flowers you picked. He gently smacks your hands before you bring the flowers to your nose.

"Kä neto! Poison. Don't touch everything." (get away)

Tsu'tey's hand pulls yours as he continues walking. You could feel your legs treble, he was pulling you by your hand. His big blue palm covered yours completely. Your delusions eating you up, why did he sound protective? This was a start of something new.

Days turn into weeks, and the simple outings become the highlight of your research. Tsu'tey shows up more often than other of his kind, grumbling under his breath- though you suspect it's his awkward attempt to mask the fact that he's beginning to enjoy these little excursions.

He fetches you tools you need and helps to transport your findings. At first, he does so begrudgingly, but you notice a shift in how he examines you while you're lost in your work, a flicker of curiosity dancing in his golden eyes.

One evening, after a long day of sampling you ask-

"Tsu'tey, have you ever gone scavenging under the green flame trees?"

His eyes flicker to yours, looking puzzled and something else. You could see something in his gaze, maybe awkwardness or sadness..?

"Dr. Grace said the luminescent organisms are breathtaking at night."

He grunts, sounding slightly annoyed but intrigued.

"I do not need permission to explore, but I do find that interesting."

Tsu'tey sounded different, something soft creeped in his voice as he bent down to your level, your faces an inch away.

"But if you wish to see them, I will take you."

The tall alien replied, and a small, smug smile curls on his lips. You stood up, looking at Tsu'tey and nodding. His sharp teeth gleaming on moonlight.

The night soon wraps Pandora in it's starry embrace, and the verdant glow of the trees beckons. Tsu'tey leads the way, his imposing figure gliding through the shadows as you scramble to keep up. The world transforms under the luminescent twinkling of the flora, each step revealing a dazzling interplay of folors that seem to pulse with life.

"I know this place well."

He says, leading you to a small clearing flooded with silvery light.

"It is where my people come to connect with spirits of Eywa." (Na'vi goddes)

He gestures dramatically to the surroundings, almost challenging you to admire it.

"It's beautiful.. Grace was right"

You breathe, feeling the essence of the world wash over you. But you can't help but steal glances at him. In these moments, the walls he built around himself begin to crack.

Your soft admiring tone triggers something in him, and he shifts, the glint of vulnerability shining through the layers of bravado.

"Beauty can easily be forgotten, especially by those who do not understand."

There's a weight in his words, laden with an unspoken history.

Before you can respond, a rustle disturbs the tranquility and a glowing creature skims past- the kind you've long wanted to catalog. Excitedly, you chase after it, heart racing. Tsu'tey watches, amusement replacing annoyance as he leans against a tree, arms crossed.

"Why do you chase it skxawng?" (moron-fem)

He calls out but you don't have time to formulate an answer. The creature flits beyond your reach, deeper into the woods, it's light flickering like a whisper luring you forward.

"Tsu'tey??!"

You call, your voice echoing in the stillness. The thrill morphs into worry, and shadows loom larger.

Then, like a guardian spirit, Tsu'tey appears out of the shadows, his expression serious. Without hesitation, he takes your hand and the contact sends another jolt through you. He guides you back, grip firm and gentle.

"I told you NOT to wander too far."

He murmurs as you regain the clearing.

"The woods can be deceivng."

"I'm.."

You stutter, still in awe of the strength surging between you.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away."

His eyes soften, revealing glimpse of feeling long buried.

"You are brave, but bravery without caution can lead to danger."

He offers, his tone gruff yet edged with an underlying warmth.

As you both sit among the glowing flora, something shifts in the air around you. Silence drapes over the night, but it feels different- not uncomfortable, but laden with anticipation. There is a flicker of understanding, a known glance that spirals between you, and in that moment, you recognize that maybe, just maybe this grumpy warrior is beginning to see you not only as a scientist but as someone worth knowing.

The night deepens, and with every shared moment- every stolen glance where your gazes connect- you realise a transformative journey has begun, one that could unravel more than friendship beneath the luminous skies of Pandora.

"Will you join me for more scavenging yawntutsyìp?" (dear one)

He finally asks, a hint of smirk betraying his gruff demeanor.

A smile spreads across your face, hope blossoming within.

"Every adventure is better with you, Tsu'tey."

As you sit side by side, an unspoken promise hangs in the air- this was only the beginning of something profound in the heart of Pandora, where the colors glowed not only in the landscape but also in the growing connection between you two.

PHEW! This was a long one! Also I hope y'all liked this one :D

Don’t forget, requests are always open and I can write for any character you’d like!

I love you guys so much

( @marlenalmar tagged you as I promised, enjoy reading ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ )

El <3

(all images were made by: El via canva & paint)

[kimbapisnotsushi]

hey all, it's sou. a lot of you usually follow me for my haikyuu!! content since i started posting in 2021, and i really appreciate that! (especially since i shitpost about several other series, ha.) it's been great having you guys here, and i've felt so much support and love from so many of you. i love the space that i've cultivated for myself and the people who love my work, and it's one of the hobbies that's made me happiest over the past four years. but i know i haven't been keeping up with that part for the last year or so—and for good reason, as i'm sure many of you are aware.

i know a lot of us are doing what we can to help gaza, but sometimes donating, sharing, calling and emailing reps, and other actions don't feel like enough—especially when israel's just broken the ceasefire that had made so many hopeful it would end. it's absolutely devastating and i know it feels like there's very little we can do at this point. i'm not willing to give up just yet, though, so here's the deal:

Donation Rules ● Donate to any Palestinian's fundraiser directly or to any credible relief organization (<- some active ones provided, if you don't have ones you already have in mind) and DM me a screenshot of the receipt to request a fic! The donations are as follows: ● $5: Fic of 1500 words minimum ($.0033 per word) ● $10: Fic of 5000 words minimum ($.0020 per word) ● $15: Fic of 8000 words minimum ($.0019 per word) ● (I'm using USD because that's where I'm from—if you're willing from anywhere else in the world, then please partake! I know the exchange can be a bitch, so donating to organizations that your country has for the cause or ones that take all currencies in similar amounts work as well) ● If you only have the means to donate less than $5 or are only capable of reblogging fundraisers, info, educating yourself, emailing/calling, and other such actions to help, then you can still join! DM me the receipt screenshot (in the case of a donation) or send me a 🍉 to let me know that you're supporting in other ways (even reblogging this post counts!), and you can request a drabble or headcanons list of any sort!

Fic Request Rules ● List of series/fandoms I can write for is in the tags ● If you'd like a comprehensive list of things I've read/are reading, check here to see if they match anything you like! I'm also willing to write for anything on that list, i just figured a lot of them aren't series that people would read fics for ● Customizable means you can choose any prompt/au, ship (reader inserts as well), NSFW (only if you're 18+) or SFW, etc. within my comfort zone. I'll write for any and every character, no matter how small they are :) ● I'm NOT comfortable writing things like incest, underage sex scenes, inappropriate/illegal relationships between a character considered a minor and an adult, or excessive violence and gore. If you're ever unsure of what would cross my lines, we can absolutely talk about it!

I understand that I don't have much of a rep in other fandoms aside from Haikyuu!!, so here are some samples of WIPs on this doc. you can also look through my tag #sou writes stuff or my ao3 (of which please only pay attention to the most recent works, as that's how i write like the most right now)! If you like what you read, I'll write just like that for any request :)

PSA I am ONE SINGLE PERSON on top of all this. It may take a while, especially with the longer fics, but I do promise to get through every request I get. I'm aware I'm asking for a lot of trust and patience, and I appreciate all of it.

if you've read this through to the end, thank you, seriously. We're not alone in this. Let's aim for a better world.

[fast-burn]

aliens with any pairing but maybe... max/GP and max is an alien?! or vice versa?

this makes me sooooo so happy, xeno stuff is my happy place 🥰🥰🥰 science fiction + erotica my beloved

in fact this made me so happy that it's 4.4k long, so you can read the fic here if you prefer it on ao3 😵‍💫

kink list here

XXX

Mx.V.33-1 was their longest-lasting subject at RB Research Labs Milton Keynes. He had large, wide set eyes and a plush mouth, a neat row of pointy teeth, webbed fingers tipped with tiny talons, and gills along the side of his neck. He had grayish skin that was blue in the right light; it was soft to the touch. When extremely inebriated, GP could be pressed into admitting that he found Mx.V.33-1 somewhat cute, though it was certainly his bias as the lead scientist on the project. He called Mx.V.33-1 Max, for short, and it had stuck with everyone else in the lab.

Because he was extremely sapient—had mastered four languages and was working on Latin, was good at chess, even better at FIFA, loathed coursework but put up with it for the sake of science—Max had free reign of the RB compound. It wasn't safe to let him wander far alone, but he could spend hours out of his deep, salt-water tank. He liked wearing white t-shirts and jeans. He liked going for rides around the countryside in GP's Mini, and more often than not got his way when he asked to get behind the wheel and turn donuts in farmers' fields. He liked dogs and cats equally. He liked raw beef, and chocolate, and tomato soup. For the most part, he liked the research team.

GP was fully aware that his reciprocal fondness for Max was far from professional, but it didn't stop him from feeling that way. In his heart, Max was his ward, not an experiment. That's why he was at the lab on a Saturday, happily covering for a junior assistant who wanted to go visit her mum in hospital.

He'd brought a whole tray of Kinder Eggs for Max, hoping they could while away some of the day by combining the toy parts to make some new mechanical monstrosity. Max's creativity was endlessly fascinating. GP could put the results in the daily report, but mostly he just wanted to watch Max have some fun, and make chocolate disappear faster than GP could unwrap the foil.

The lights were already on when GP beeped past the locked double-doors, set on a timer to mimic the sunrise and set outside. Max was nowhere to be seen from this side of the tank.

"You are not supposed to be here," Max's voice crackled through the lab speakers—a clever bit of engineering that could parse speech through the water. "You don't come on weekends."

"Well spotted, Max," GP said, rolling his eyes as he took off his sodden coat. It was raining to beat the band out there, but that was England for you.

"Why are you here?"

GP shuffled the computer mouse to wake up the screen, and started typing in his epic-length password. "Don't you want to see the present I've brought you?"

Max swam out of his privacy enclosure and up to the front of the tank. "Yes please," he said.

Something was very wrong.

"You're pink," GP remarked. Mostly pink, but in some places purple, and in others a coral-orange. He glanced at Max's basic vitals on the computer screen. His dual heartbeat was elevated, though nothing beyond standard range. "Do you feel alright?"

"Fine," Max said, except he shrank back from GP a fraction, body curling in on itself. "Don't worry."

If Max was just another alien plant or sponge or fungus in the lab, GP would be merely curious, or maybe downright intrigued, but Max meant so much more than that. Of course GP was worried. "I'll need to take a fluid sample."

Max grimaced. "Ugh, no. It's okay, this is normal."

"You have an established normal. It doesn't include pink."

"It's just...my time," Max said, cheeks blooming spotty shades of purple. He was embarrassed. Several things clicked for GP at once.

"You're in estrus," GP concluded, and Max retreated from the front of the tank entirely in a flurry of bubbles.

They hadn't done much experimentation into Max's reproductive system. Obviously Max had one, but all his gonads were internal and seemed somewhat inert, and so they didn't poke at it much. They were far more interested in Max's DNA and its ability to adapt, crucial data being generated in stem cell research. And there was, of course, the opportunity to observe a humanoid member of an alien species learn to communicate, and thrive.

Max always glommed on to the profane and inappropriate first in any language he learned, and was a delightfully naughty encyclopedia for dirty jokes—something that especially pleased the linguists in the lab. Other than that, Max hadn't displayed much in the way of reproductive attributes. He didn't even use his computer login to look at pornography, just watched a lot of late night Twitch streams. They each had their theories about it: lack of an appropriate partner, or impracticality of breeding in capture, or complex and ephemeral alien sexuality. It hadn’t really been relevant, and now GP was floundering.

"You're not supposed to be here," Max whined again, voice just as clear from wherever he'd hidden himself.

"Well, I am," GP replied. "Let's just get you sorted out. What can I do to make you comfortable?"

"Nothing," said Max, but he was a bad liar, tone going suspiciously flat. "You can go home."

"I'd appreciate it if you came out to the auxiliary tank and I could give you a check-up. After that, if you want me to leave, I will." GP sat down at the desk and loaded up the daily report. He typed the date. Mx.V.33-1 showing signs of he started, but then paused. He minimized the window.

When Max had been brought to RB, nearly a decade ago, Dr. Marko had rolled him into the lab in a tangled fishing net, with several hunks of debris trapped alongside him. Max was frightened, skin flaking and eyes darting about. Where there's one, there's a pair, Marko had said, and Horner next to him had actually rubbed his hands together with glee.

Maybe it was better if GP consulted his team on Monday, in person. He opened the software for the lab's cameras, and changed the settings to encrypt the day's recording to his thumbprint.

Max was a beautiful creature. This was far too private for the likes of the RB upper brass. 

GP heard the telltale thumping as Max swam into the smaller side tank. It was wide enough to hold four Maxes, but only as deep as a bathtub, designed to be comfortable for both subject and scientist. He grabbed the med kit and a laptop from the storage trolley, and rolled his chair over.

"I am only putting up with this so you'll leave," Max said, arms folded on the edge of the tub, his hair slicked back from his forehead and sticking up at all angles. His voice was softer in the open air, rather than the tinny recreation of the speaker. He smelled different than usual, too. More musky, but also more sweet, like burnt sugar. "Go ahead and run your experiments, if you must."

"Fuck the experiments," GP said with more feeling than he intended, and the expletive made Max quirk a smile.

Max unfolded one of his arms, and GP started attaching sensors. He was a dusty-rose colour all over, slippery because of the salt and the protective film Max's body started generating if he hadn't been out of the tank for a couple days. GP had to use special wipes so that the sensors would actually hold. Usually, Max was a very good sport and held perfectly still. Now when GP touched him, he jolted, just slightly.

"Tell me about what you're feeling," GP asked as the data started rolling in on the laptop.

Max's gills finally sealed shut and he started breathing through his nose. "Restless. Irritated. Sensitive, also."

GP looked up at Max, blushing purple again. "Sensitive where?"

"You know," Max said as he squirmed. GP had no idea where. He could make an educated guess, but that only went as far as extrapolating from human experience. Unless, of course, he could touch Max and find out that way.

He changed tactics. "Is this the first you've had your—your time?"

Max snorted. "I have of course been alive for many years. This is my fourth," he said, "but I have not had one for a while."

"When was the last time?"

"Right before I was," Max looked down, and then at the wall. "Before I came here."

Ah. That told GP a lot. Max ordinarily went into an estrus phase more frequently than every eight years, and it made him very vulnerable, especially as he was recovering. He should be in his sexual prime, but something about being at the lab prevented that. And, just as notably, something recently had pushed him back into his regular hormonal cycle. GP didn't know how far in the data he had to review, but he made a mental note to look back three months, at least.

He broke a fresh tab out of its package and held the receptive end up to Max. "Lick, please," he said, and Max's tongue flashed out dutifully to wet it with his saliva. GP placed it into the scanner which whirred to life as it started calculating hormone levels. "Do you usually spend your time with a group, or a partner, or alone?"

Max scowled, and his heart rate ticked up on the laptop screen. "Are you asking if I have wild orgies or if I just jerk off by myself?"

"Something like that," GP said. He knew Max preferred him to be straight-forward with his questions, but it didn't stop Max from giving rude answers. "If you like, you can just tell me the standard. I don't have to know your personal sexual history."

"My personal—" Max balked and sank deeper into the water. "It is supposed to be with a partner."

"Sorry I can't help with that," GP said, thinking of how little interest Max had shown to anyone else in the lab, at least in that sense. It would be an incredible breach in decorum to ask anyone to help Max through estrus, but he knew any of them would still be happy to help.

Max's plum flush spread to the seashell curves of his ears. "I did not expect you to."

GP changed the subject. "Can we go back to the sensitivity?"

"I'd rather you just guess."

"Well," GP went on, "for example with the human species, we tend to feel—"

"Yes, I know all about it," Max snapped, popping back up with a soft splash. "It is the same for me, but slightly different. Go on and write it in the report. That's all you need to say."

"I'm not making a report," GP said slowly.

Max looked at the laptop screen for the first time. "You're not? But you're asking me questions like you are."

"That's because I want to help you. Max," he said, holding back the urge to make him look GP in the eyes, "fuck the experiments."

Finally, Max seemed to relax. He tugged at his ear, rubbed his thumb across his lips, the beauty mark there. "Okay, well if it's just you who wants to know, maybe it is better if I show you."

Max tugged on the zippered front of his navy wetsuit—clothing he insisted upon more for cultural adaptation than any real modesty. The base of his throat was pinker than his arms, legs, and face. His chest was a little swollen. And then Max tugged the zip over a bulge on his abdomen.

It was convex, like a wide bowl, or...like a baby bump, such a pale pink that it was almost white, the skin stretched taut over Max's distended stomach. GP refrained from reaching out; they had assured Max that he was welcome to scratch up anyone who didn't get permission to touch. But he wanted to , so desperately. He wanted to palpate it and soothe the ache, or maybe make it worse. The desire was so sudden and unexpected that GP was nauseous.

He sat with his fists curled on his knees, lips pressed together, and watched as Max leaned back and kept unzipping his suit.

The slit between Max's legs was gently parted and swollen, the tip of something bright pink peeking out from inside. That had to be Max's penis, or some kind of clitoral tissue. Maybe an ovipositor. It was hard to tell with the distortion of the water.

"This is where I am most sensitive," Max said, hands going to frame his slit, and spreading—

A blip came from the laptop, and GP turned his head instinctively to see the hormonal report load on screen. They had it set to display the standards along with new results so that they could see the differences, and a gradient map to show extremes. Several bars were deep red.

"GP."

He looked back at Max.

"You're not paying attention," he complained. "This is very intimate, and you are looking at the computer."

"Intimate?" GP choked.

Max grasped GP's wrist and dragged him forward. "Here," he said as GP's fingers splayed over Max's belly. "Feel how full. Push down on it."

The skin was coolish compared to the tight grip of Max's hand. GP pushed gently, and Max groaned, an uninhibited sound bouncing off every surface in the room. There was a shift in Max's abdomen, and something squirted out of Max's slit. "Max—"

"Oh, yes," Max sighed, eyes fluttering. "Yes, thank you, GP."

GP looked down and pushed again, and watched a bright orange object shoot out of Max. It was slightly bigger than a marble.

"Is that an egg?" he asked, tongue buzzing in his mouth.

Max nodded and let go of GP. "I have more than usual. It is supposed to be less than twelve. You can't even see them from the outside, normally, but it has been so long."

The two eggs that Max had released rested on the bottom of the tub. "So you're a...carrier, then?"

"I can do both," Max said. "When I have my time, I produce the eggs of course, but I can be the other half whenever. It is very lucky, for us. Not everyone can be two in one."

Max was special; GP could have told anyone that. "That's wonderful. Well done," he said, and Max practically glowed with the compliment.

"Will you help me lay them?"

GP's fingers twitched on Max's stomach. "I can keep pushing."

"No," Max said. "There's a better way."

Desire stirred in GP, making his cock swell in his pants. He licked his lips, mouth suddenly dry. "What do you mean?"

Max pulled off his suit and tossed it on the edge of the tub with a wet slap. "I want you to fuck me."

GP swallowed. He'd never—he wouldn't. Max was his responsibility to care for. There were whole documents on ensuring that Max wasn't ever abused in his capture, and it all came down to what Max wanted. If what Max felt like doing all day was to play video games, that's exactly what happened. If Max stayed in his privacy enclosure for a week, they didn't drag him out.

Palpating Max's abdomen to induce spawning was one thing, but fucking him was—

Max pushed up against the edge of the tub and pressed his mouth to GP’s.

"What," GP started to say against Max's lips, but Max just kissed him harder. He was firm, and his nose dug into GP’s cheekbone.

"That's how humans start when they want to fuck, right?" Max said when he released him a moment later. "I saw two of them doing it in the corner over there when they thought no one was looking."

Part of GP wanted to ask which two because he had about a hundred quid on various office romance pools. "That's similar to what we do, for sure."

Max groaned, fisting his talons in GP's lab coat. "Then show me how."

GP tilted his head and kissed Max properly. Max's mouth was salty, of course, but also slick and soft. He learned quickly, like he did everything else, lapping at GP's tongue and then sucking on it. He nibbled on GP's lower lip with his triangular teeth, little blades that he was so, so careful with.

"That is weird," Max proclaimed when he pulled away, "but nice. Can we fuck now? You are wearing too many clothes."

"This isn't the most precious place for it," GP admitted. He couldn't easily take Max to bed, though the thought of having Max under him at his flat was deliciously tempting. Max, home with GP on the weekends, raiding his fridge and demanding sex at all hours of the day. Insatiable, bratty, gorgeous Max.

"It doesn't matter," said Max, climbing out of the tub. "Just get naked."

"Don't the eggs have to be in water?"

Max rolled his eyes and started tugging on GP's clothes, clearly annoyed at how GP wasn't dropping trou fast enough. "They are of course not fertilized. I just want them out."

GP's lab coat was a lost cause, huge holes shredded through the fabric already, so he took over for his jumper before Max could attack that too. Max sat back against the lip of the tub, apparently pleased to watch now. It was just after Christmas and GP wasn't too thrilled with his physique after gobbling down a whole roast he'd bought just for himself, but he did alright at the company gym. Max's body was sleek and chubby in places, like a seal, to keep warm in the water.

As soon as GP shucked his trousers to his ankles, Max was in his lap. The chair squeaked dangerously beneath them.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Max asked. That was another part of the care-and-keeping of Max: he had a right to his own internal life. If Max wanted to tell any of them a secret, it would stay between just those two.

"Of course you can," GP replied.

Max rocked in his lap, leaving a puddle of tank water and protective fluid. "I was thinking about you," he said, grinding his wet slit against GP's briefs and his erection. "Like this. I wanted to have you just like this. That's why all the eggs came." He leaned forward and spoke right in GP's ear, a soft murmur that none of the microphones around the lab would catch, "You knocked me up."

GP groaned, dizzy from the rush of blood down south. He clutched Max's hips without asking, but Max just pressed himself deeper into GP's lap. His pregnant little belly pressed against GP's stomach and a fresh splurt of wetness soaked them both.

He wrestled his dick out, hand already slippery from whatever secretion Max's slit was producing. "Put it where you want it," GP said, because he didn't know where Max's vaginal entrance was mapped compared to a human's.

Max wrapped his hot, webbed hand around GP's length and guided it until the tip was in the right place. Then he sank down on it, a perfect slick slide. The muscles he had inside rippled around GP's cock. "Fuck, fuck, that feels so good," Max said, swiveling his hips, getting used to the space. "Oh, GP, you're so big, you're so warm. And hard."

"What do you—" GP started to say, and Max took GP's hand to guide it to the front of his slit.

"Here, feel," he said, making GP press against the pink flushed member that GP had only glimpsed in the tub. It was slim, maybe five or six centimeters long, tapered at the end, coated in fluid. "Be gentle with me."

"Alright," GP agreed, stroking up and down the length with two fingers.

Max shuddered, his passage clenching around GP. "See? Very different. I'll tell you another secret: it's small."

"It's just the right size."

Max shook his head. He braced his hands against GP's shoulders, talons pricking slightly. "I am just stating the comparison. I don't have the standard length. But that is fine, because this is what I want," he said, pushing up and sliding down, riding GP's cock.

GP turned his head and kissed Max's neck, over the seal of his gills. He could feel the slight difference in texture, like a stretchmark or an old scar. Max whimpered and his passage clenched. He leaked more slick. GP rocked up into him, unable to help himself.

"Do humans kiss everywhere?" Max asked.

"Yes," GP admitted, lips moving across Max's gills again, making him pulse. "Everywhere."

Max got impossibly wetter. "Would you kiss my pussy?"

GP's mouth dropped open, shocked dumb enough that only an ugly grunt came out of him, and Max laughed.

"I am of course just messing with you. I know all about cunnilingus and oral sex," Max leaned back and smiled with his sharp teeth. "We can try it another time. Right now I need you to fuck me as hard as you can, or the eggs won't come out."

"You're really giving me a rough time, teasing me like that," GP said, and snapped his hips up.

Max moaned, liquid around him for a moment before he squeezed. "Is it working?"

GP thrust in again, using his hands on Max's hips to bring their bodies together.

"Harder than that, come on," said Max, and GP did. "Harder. Really hard, I won't break. Can't you feel how wet I am for you?"

It was a challenge in the rolling chair, but GP spread his knees for leverage and really thrust—a pace that he would have considered brutal otherwise, but Max just gasped and grinned. So GP kept going, a mindless, animalistic fuck, surely bruising. Max moaned like a pornstar, high and whining.

"Feel so good," GP said.

"Tell me," gasped Max. "I want it. Tell me a secret, tell me, tell me."

"Wet, slutty little cunt," he grunted, dragging up the nastiest parts of himself as he fucked into Max. "Gonna make you heat all the time. Look at you, you're so desperate. Can't do anything 'cause you just want my cock so deep in you, making you take it."

Max's belly tensed, his walls fluttering rhythmically around GP's cock. "Yes, I want that," he said. "Always."

"Tiny baby dick because you just want to be bred, don't you? That's all you're good for?"

"Please," Max whimpered. "So close. Harder, GP, please."

"Any harder and I'll fuck right through you." GP's legs were burning, back aching, but he kept going, driving himself closer to the edge. He rubbed Max's slim, short cock between his fingers. Max cried out, urgent. "That's it, go on. Come for me."

"I will, I will," Max chanted, his head tilting back and the base of his throat fuchsia, trembling with the rest of him. Suddenly, GP's cock slipped out of him on a thrust, and Max burst, eggs squirting out of him and splattering the floor as he screamed. GP pressed on Max's belly, helping it along, and felt it decompress under his palm, everything squeezing out in an orgasmic rush.

When it was done, Max's entrance drooled as he gasped, perched over GP's lap as he caught his breath. There must have been a hundred eggs on the floor, most of them orange, but a few more yellowish or more red. They were wet, and a couple rolled away, leaving shiny snail trails in their wake.

"Wow," GP said, which was an understatement. He pushed again on Max's stomach, but it was empty now, and Max just whimpered.

"If we were going to have a baby," Max panted, "you would have to come on the eggs."

GP's cock bounced, the crown smearing against Max's used hole. "I don't think it will work."

"Too bad." Max spread his slit open with his hands, just like he had earlier in the tub. "I guess you'll just have to do it on me instead."

It was only a matter of a dozen or so strokes, everything still so lubricated, absolutely sopping, and then GP aimed himself right at the soft, secret core of Max and climaxed, painting the folds with pearly release.

Max was a welcome weight in GP's lap afterward, and there was no scientific way to explain how they just rested and snuggled for the better part of ten minutes. It wasn't unusual for Max to be affectionate, but he was selective about it, and rarely did he want to endure it for long.

It was when GP's knees started shaking that Max finally got up. "I knew you would be good at that," Max said, smiling like GP was the experiment, gone perfectly to plan. "I might make eggs again, soon. This was so many at once, so I think next time will be a little different. But you will help me again." There was no room in his tone for GP to argue, but he wouldn't dream of it.

"I'm glad it won't be so messy next time." GP surveyed the general disaster zone around the chair and was already dreading the cleanup.

Max slipped back into the tub, and dove down for a moment before popping back up with the two eggs that he'd released in the water. He put one of them in his mouth and bit down, the squelch in his mouth like a cherry tomato.

GP must have given Max some sort of look, because he offered the second egg in his open palm. "Want one?"

"Absolutely not."

"They are an excellent source of nutrients. A waste if you don't eat them unfertilized, but I am not picking them up off the floor," he said. When GP still didn't take the offered egg, he shrugged and popped it in his mouth too.

GP felt his gut roll uncomfortably. "You don’t have to eat those. I brought you Kinder Eggs."

"What!" Max exclaimed. "GP, you did not say! How many? Can I have them now?"

"If you help me with mopping," he said, and Max hummed, considering.

"Just give me a minute," Max replied. "I can still feel your come on me. I should clean that first. And I want to see how it tastes."

GP sat down hard in the chair, and when it skidded backwards on the slick floor, another handful of eggs went racing jauntily away across the lab.

[mariacallous]

Last month, the Trump administration placed a $1 spending limit on most government-issued credit cards that federal employees use to cover travel and work expenses. The impacts are already widely felt.

At the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, scientists aren’t able to order equipment used to repair ships and radars. At the Food and Drug Administration, laboratories are experiencing delays in ordering basic supplies. At the National Park Service, employees are canceling trips to oversee crucial maintenance work. And at the Department of Agriculture and the Federal Aviation Administration, employees worry that mission-critical projects could be stalled. In many cases, employees are already unable to carry out the basic functions of their job.

“The longer this disruption lasts, the more the system will break,” says a USDA official who was granted anonymity because they aren’t authorized to speak to the media about the looming crisis.

A researcher at the National Institutes of Health who tests new vaccines and treatments in rodents says he has had to put experiments on hold; his lab is not able to get certain necessary materials, such as antibodies, which are needed to assess immune response. “We have animals here that are aging that will pretty soon be too old to work with,” says the researcher, who requested anonymity as they aren’t authorized to speak publicly about the agency. Young mice and rats that are 6 to 8 weeks old are typically used for drug and vaccine studies, but some of the animals in their lab have now aged out of that window and may have to be euthanized.

They say NIH workers have been using internal listservs to ask for reagents and lab equipment from other buildings or institutions to try to compensate for shortages, but they’re not always able to track down what they need. The NIH is made up of 27 institutes and centers, and its Bethesda, Maryland, campus is spread across more than 75 buildings. “Sometimes you need something that's really niche, and you're just not going to find it from someone else on campus,” they say.

The change comes as Elon Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency continues to hunt for alleged examples of waste across the federal government. Late last month, DOGE announced that it was working to “simplify” the government’s largest credit card program, which issues GSA SmartPay travel and purchase cards for federal employees. Last Wednesday, the agency claimed 24,000 cards had been deactivated.

The credit card program allows federal workers to bypass the typical procurement process required to buy goods and services. A 2002 report from the Department of Commerce said that, “by avoiding the formal procurement process, GSA estimates the annual savings to be $1.2 billion.” It also enables federal employees to avoid paying sales tax on expenses that the government is exempt from.

At the FDA, labs that analyze samples to ensure that food, drugs, medical devices, and cosmetics are safe and meet regulatory standards are already facing shortages. "While we are always acutely aware of when Congress’ funding is going to run out, we are able to order supplies to keep things going in the lab. This abrupt ending felt like the rug was being pulled out from under us," says an employee at the FDA who requested anonymity because they aren't authorized to speak with the media.

The employee recently placed an order for pipette tips, an essential laboratory supply, but found that order was put on hold. "Now we are running out, asking colleagues at other offices to share what they might not be using,” they told WIRED.

In addition, workers say FDA labs now have to go through a lengthy process to order liquid nitrogen, which is used to keep ultra-cold freezers running. These freezers preserve samples of cells and other biological material that reflect years, and sometimes decades, of research. Delays in getting liquid nitrogen tanks could destroy that material. Previously, new tanks could usually be acquired the same day as putting in a request. Now, it takes a week or so to receive a tank after initiating a request.

An employee at the Environmental Protection Agency says her facility is not able to place regular orders of liquid nitrogen at the moment. “We have dozens of these freezers full of important environmental samples that are imminently at risk of being lost because we can no longer get our regular shipments of liquid nitrogen,” says the employee, who requested anonymity. These samples are used as part of research on detection and remediation methods for chemicals such as PFAS, which are found in many products and break down very slowly over time.

“Scientists are being forced to jerry-rig the connection points on these freezers to accept pressures of liquid nitrogen they were not designed to handle,” the employee says. “Divisions are resorting to bartering with each other to obtain needed items.”

The FDA and EPA did not immediately respond to a request for comment from WIRED.

The credit card freeze also means that federal researchers who were working on scientific manuscripts can’t pay journal fees, meaning they can’t submit their work to certain journals for publication.

An employee at a federal forensics lab told WIRED that spending limits mean the lab is no longer able to pay to ship evidence back to agents, effectively halting its ability to do casework. Before a case goes to trial, defendants have the right to access and review evidence that the prosecution intends to use against them, which includes access to the evidence in their case. Defendants are able to send that evidence to an outside lab for analysis if they choose. “Cases can’t progress until we return the evidence,” says the forensics lab worker, who asked to remain anonymous. “I basically can’t do my job right now.”

NIH employees were told that travel cards could not be used at all for 30 days, forcing scientists to cancel plans to attend a major infectious disease conference next week. USDA employees at the Pest Identification Technology Laboratory have stockpiled reagents used for molecular tests in advance of the spending limits, according to the USDA official.

FAA employees who travel to work on and test aviation systems worry the credit card freeze will prevent them from completing their projects. “We are allowed to use our personal cards in emergencies but none of us trust them to pay us back now,” says one employee.

The impacts have hit the National Park Service as well. One employee was poised to go on a trip to oversee road maintenance at a national monument when the change went into effect on February 20. “Unless I want to pay for it myself, I can’t go. I can’t pay for my hotel, my rental car, fuel for the car. Now I can’t carry out the mission,” the employee says. “Today, instead of focusing on other work, I’m focused on three different contingencies on how to handle this. Do I go? Do I call my engineering team and tell them to reschedule? And if so, when? The project is on an indefinite hold.”

A memo written to staff at the National Park Service specified that “all travel that is NOT related to national security, public safety, or immigration enforcement should be canceled if it begins on Wednesday, February 26, through the end of March 2025.” A long-term decision on the travel policy, it said, will come “at a later date.” Some NPS staffers were able to travel in February despite not getting official clearance. They have now been told no travel will be allowed in March. To date, roughly 75 trips have been canceled or rescheduled, according to a source familiar with the situation.

The National Park Service did not respond to a request for comment from WIRED.

Some government employees say they were given a warning prior to the change being announced on February 20. “We went out and bought cases and cases of toilet paper the night before,” another current employee at the National Park Service says. “There’s a general acknowledgement that things are going to break.”

That employee works in the Pacific West Region, which manages federal land in California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and Nevada, as well as parks in Arizona, Montana, Guam, and American Samoa. While the GSA did allow for the possibility of exceptions to the clamp-down, the employee claims there are only four purchase cards with spending limits above $1 available for the entire region.

Some of these parks pay for services like internet and wireless on purchase cards—leaving staffers wondering if their work devices could soon be cut off. “Before someone can fix a bathroom a work order has to be issued,” the current employee explains. “That happens electronically. Like any business, we rely on email, Teams, and chat to get things done.”

The spending limits reflect Musk’s belief in zero-based budgeting. After he purchased Twitter, he slashed the budget to zero and forced employees to justify every expense. He also froze people’s corporate credit cards.

“With the Twitter pausing of payments, at some point we were in a meeting at 1 am on a Saturday, and it was like, ‘Hey, let's turn the credit cards off to see what bounces, and what happens,’" explained angel investor Jason Calacanis on the All In podcast in February. (Calacanis was part of Musk’s transition team at Twitter.) “And of course, we started getting calls ... The people who come first, they're probably the ones who are in on the biggest grift.”

Employees see it a different way. “There are so many controls in place to make sure fraud doesn’t happen,” alleges the current NPS staffer. “I honestly believe the only fraud occurring is being committed by Musk, [Russell] Vought, and [Donald] Trump.”

[theflowergothic]

Okay, I'm Back (Kinda)

First lesson of the day is I apparently can't spend a lot of time away from y'all. So I'm back! 😂

I might as well give a recap of what happened for those unaware:

Long story short, one of Kelly's fangirls attempted to dox me. Apparently my work (and promoting said work) hit so hard she decided the next logical step was to try and contact my parents and my job.

Because nothing screams “healthy parasocial response” like going nuclear on someone who made a video essay and wants it to be successful. 🫠

The person behind it is someone I’m familiar with: Elisabeth/ formula1bliz/tothegrandprix. I know it’s her because she uses the same pfp for all her accounts. A truly masterful game of disguise if you want to be found out immediately.

She’s been unhinged about my content for a while now... quote-retweeting me from the shadows, trying to "discredit" my work through by giving long diatribes to out-of-context scenes, and framing public receipts as private attacks.

But I kind of forgot she existed until last week, when she showed up in my Tumblr askbox. 😂

But on Monday, things escalated.

That morning, I officially opened applications for people to translate the full exposé. It got a lot of attention (and a LOT of applications, my goodness!).

What did Elisabeth do? She then posted on her story encouraging people to mass report my accounts. Because of course she did.

(We’ll get to that email later lol)

Let's pause and take this in: she got blocked for boundary crossing behavior, and her response was to… threaten more boundary crossing behavior. And what the hell i she trying to even accomplish here? Prove that I have a public email address where I take YouTube inquiries?

But then... Elisabeth escalated. She posted my last name (which while it's an open secret, is not something I utilize in my public branding), my parents’ names, and my employer. She encouraged people to contact them.

Let me be really clear: this was a deliberate attempt to incite harassment, compromise my safety, and try to silence me through fear. And that’s not activism. That’s not even messiness. That’s targeted cruelty.

Also, remember how I said I’ve been doxxed before? Long ago? Luckily, I knew exactly what to do. I contacted my friends to ask them to report the content, flagged everything I needed to flag, took screenshots, and filed formal reports where appropriate. I didn’t spiral. I didn’t panic. I didn’t let them rewrite the narrative.

And before you say "But you're doing the same thing by operating hate accounts!!!" I'm not. Not even close. What I do is not harassment. It’s not about inciting a mob, revealing someone’s location, or endangering their job or family. I critique a public figure based on public behavior, using public records and public platforms. It’s cultural commentary/media analysis with a hint of performance art. If you can’t tell the difference between that and a targeted smear campaign designed to endanger someone in real life, maybe the issue isn’t my exposé. Maybe it’s your media literacy.

The most ironic thing, at least in my opinion, is their attempt to contact my family over my content. Why? They’re already well aware of what I do! My dad was the mandatory reporter I consulted for the exposé parts detailing Max’s childhood. My brother LITERALLY VOICED MAX IN THE VIDEOS.

Here’s what happened when someone actually tried to follow through on contacting my family: I got a text from my dad. Not because he was shocked about my content, but because people started bothering him directly. He wasn’t upset about what I said. He was worried about the lengths these strangers were going to to silence it. He was worried about how it could affect ME.

But I’m not going to walk away from this just because some insane Kelly fans don’t like the fact I post a lot of samples from my work (alongside other projects). That’s not how I work. The abridged exposé is still coming out as scheduled. The translations are still underway. And I have my future plans set in stone.

I'm slowly going to return to my normal posting schedule over the next week or so. Just know that I'm okay and nothing happened to me or my family.

And a note to anyone else who thinks weaponizing personal information will stop me: all you’re doing is proving my point. You’re confirming exactly what the exposé laid out. You're proving how power defends itself through deflection, coercion, and intimidation.

F

(PS: The dox did get deleted as far as I know, but Elisabeth then sent me this weird email yesterday morning. Make of it what you will.)

[femenaces]

I may or may not be one of the anonymous sources in this article

Edit, the text of the article for those who can’t view it (under the cut):

Last month, the Trump administration placed a $1 spending limit on most government-issued credit cards that federal employees use to cover travel and work expenses. The impacts are already widely felt.

At the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, scientists aren’t able to order equipment used to repair ships and radars. At the Food and Drug Administration, laboratories are experiencing delays in ordering basic supplies. At the National Park Service, employees are canceling trips to oversee crucial maintenance work. And at the Department of Agriculture and the Federal Aviation Administration, employees worry that mission-critical projects could be stalled. In many cases, employees are already unable to carry out the basic functions of their job.

“The longer this disruption lasts, the more the system will break,” says a USDA official who was granted anonymity because they aren’t authorized to speak to the media about the looming crisis.

A researcher at the National Institutes of Health who tests new vaccines and treatments in rodents says he has had to put experiments on hold; his lab is not able to get certain necessary materials, such as antibodies, which are needed to assess immune response. “We have animals here that are aging that will pretty soon be too old to work with,” says the researcher, who requested anonymity as they aren’t authorized to speak publicly about the agency. Young mice and rats that are 6 to 8 weeks old are typically used for drug and vaccine studies, but some of the animals in their lab have now aged out of that window and may have to be euthanized.

They say NIH workers have been using internal listservs to ask for reagents and lab equipment from other buildings or institutions to try to compensate for shortages, but they’re not always able to track down what they need. The NIH is made up of 27 institutes and centers, and its Bethesda, Maryland, campus is spread across more than 75 buildings. “Sometimes you need something that's really niche, and you're just not going to find it from someone else on campus,” they say.

The change comes as Elon Musk’s so-called Department of Government Efficiency continues to hunt for alleged examples of waste across the federal government. Late last month, DOGE announced that it was working to “simplify” the government’s largest credit card program, which issues GSA SmartPay travel and purchase cards for federal employees. Last Wednesday, the agency claimed 24,000 cards had been deactivated.

The credit card program allows federal workers to bypass the typical procurement process required to buy goods and services. A 2002 report from the Department of Commerce said that, “by avoiding the formal procurement process, GSA estimates the annual savings to be $1.2 billion.” It also enables federal employees to avoid paying sales tax on expenses that the government is exempt from.

At the FDA, labs that analyze samples to ensure that food, drugs, medical devices, and cosmetics are safe and meet regulatory standards are already facing shortages. "While we are always acutely aware of when Congress’ funding is going to run out, we are able to order supplies to keep things going in the lab. This abrupt ending felt like the rug was being pulled out from under us," says an employee at the FDA who requested anonymity because they aren't authorized to speak with the media.

The employee recently placed an order for pipette tips, an essential laboratory supply, but found that order was put on hold. "Now we are running out, asking colleagues at other offices to share what they might not be using,” they told WIRED.

In addition, workers say FDA labs now have to go through a lengthy process to order liquid nitrogen, which is used to keep ultra-cold freezers running. These freezers preserve samples of cells and other biological material that reflect years, and sometimes decades, of research. Delays in getting liquid nitrogen tanks could destroy that material. Previously, new tanks could usually be acquired the same day as putting in a request. Now, it takes a week or so to receive a tank after initiating a request.

An employee at the Environmental Protection Agency says her facility is not able to place regular orders of liquid nitrogen at the moment. “We have dozens of these freezers full of important environmental samples that are imminently at risk of being lost because we can no longer get our regular shipments of liquid nitrogen,” says the employee, who requested anonymity. These samples are used as part of research on detection and remediation methods for chemicals such as PFAS, which are found in many products and break down very slowly over time.

“Scientists are being forced to jerry-rig the connection points on these freezers to accept pressures of liquid nitrogen they were not designed to handle,” the employee says. “Divisions are resorting to bartering with each other to obtain needed items.”

The FDA and EPA did not immediately respond to a request for comment from WIRED.

The credit card freeze also means that federal researchers who were working on scientific manuscripts can’t pay journal fees, meaning they can’t submit their work to certain journals for publication.

An employee at a federal forensics lab told WIRED that spending limits mean the lab is no longer able to pay to ship evidence back to agents, effectively halting its ability to do casework. Before a case goes to trial, defendants have the right to access and review evidence that the prosecution intends to use against them, which includes access to the evidence in their case. Defendants are able to send that evidence to an outside lab for analysis if they choose. “Cases can’t progress until we return the evidence,” says the forensics lab worker, who asked to remain anonymous. “I basically can’t do my job right now.”

NIH employees were told that travel cards could not be used at all for 30 days, forcing scientists to cancel plans to attend a major infectious disease conference next week. USDA employees at the Pest Identification Technology Laboratory have stockpiled reagents used for molecular tests in advance of the spending limits, according to the USDA official.

FAA employees who travel to work on and test aviation systems worry the credit card freeze will prevent them from completing their projects. “We are allowed to use our personal cards in emergencies but none of us trust them to pay us back now,” says one employee.

The impacts have hit the National Park Service as well. One employee was poised to go on a trip to oversee road maintenance at a national monument when the change went into effect on February 20. “Unless I want to pay for it myself, I can’t go. I can’t pay for my hotel, my rental car, fuel for the car. Now I can’t carry out the mission,” the employee says. “Today, instead of focusing on other work, I’m focused on three different contingencies on how to handle this. Do I go? Do I call my engineering team and tell them to reschedule? And if so, when? The project is on an indefinite hold.”

A memo written to staff at the National Park Service specified that “all travel that is NOT related to national security, public safety, or immigration enforcement should be canceled if it begins on Wednesday, February 26, through the end of March 2025.” A long-term decision on the travel policy, it said, will come “at a later date.” Some NPS staffers were able to travel in February despite not getting official clearance. They have now been told no travel will be allowed in March. To date, roughly 75 trips have been canceled or rescheduled, according to a source familiar with the situation.

The National Park Service did not respond to a request for comment from WIRED.

Some government employees say they were given a warning prior to the change being announced on February 20. “We went out and bought cases and cases of toilet paper the night before,” another current employee at the National Park Service says. “There’s a general acknowledgement that things are going to break.”

That employee works in the Pacific West Region, which manages federal land in California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Idaho, and Nevada, as well as parks in Arizona, Montana, Guam, and American Samoa. While the GSA did allow for the possibility of exceptions to the clamp-down, the employee claims there are only four purchase cards with spending limits above $1 available for the entire region.

Some of these parks pay for services like internet and wireless on purchase cards—leaving staffers wondering if their work devices could soon be cut off. “Before someone can fix a bathroom a work order has to be issued,” the current employee explains. “That happens electronically. Like any business, we rely on email, Teams, and chat to get things done.”

The spending limits reflect Musk’s belief in zero-based budgeting. After he purchased Twitter, he slashed the budget to zero and forced employees to justify every expense. He also froze people’s corporate credit cards.

“With the Twitter pausing of payments, at some point we were in a meeting at 1 am on a Saturday, and it was like, ‘Hey, let's turn the credit cards off to see what bounces, and what happens,’" explained angel investor Jason Calacanis on the All In podcast in February. (Calacanis was part of Musk’s transition team at Twitter.) “And of course, we started getting calls ... The people who come first, they're probably the ones who are in on the biggest grift.”

Employees see it a different way. “There are so many controls in place to make sure fraud doesn’t happen,” alleges the current NPS staffer. “I honestly believe the only fraud occurring is being committed by Musk, [Russell] Vought, and [Donald] Trump.”

[windvexer]

hello chicken!! i'd love to get your input please, on an upcoming witchy project that i'm working on. last week i was back up north in my old village + surrounding areas, which was an extremely surreal experience but really drove home that i'm way more magically connected to that land than i realised. i hadn't been back on limestone for nearly 10 years and it was so soothing to feel that energy again. i just felt so much better. so, a friend of mine has given me a swaledale sheep skull from that same trip, and i've been cleaning her up for the last couple days. i'd really like to make her into a spirit vessel for a land wight of the limestone and the underground rivers and the wind in the trees ..... but i don't know if that is too much to be asking for. i'm aware that i can invite spirits according to certain specifications, ie, "does not wish me or my loved ones harm, is willing and able to help me learn xyz thing" and so on. but without the ability to travel back up there for materials like earth and water that might make the request a little easier, i need to get creative, but i'm at a little bit of a loss. i've never done a big spiritworking like this before, especially from so far away. (on the same landmass but in like 150miles away rip) and obviously spirits can travel, but i'm really not sure how to, in a controlled way, light that beacon for a narrow band of spirits, without fucking it up.

because i've really cleaned the bejesus out of this skull, i'd also like to put a bit more life into it and prepare it for spirit-vesselry. was thinking of some kind of enchanted oil or a balm on the forehead, and the shelf that it's going on will have a little cloth beneath it. i'd also like to adorn the skull with flowers and jewelry and things if that works for all involved. i would also give regular offerings of food, water and fire like i would to any other inhabited thing in my practice. i guess i'd like to know, does anything come to mind that might be helpful? perhaps also ideas for what kind of oil to use, and how to go about applying it in a ceremonial way? for some reason, im leaning towards infusing with yarrow, but i really need to do more research first. it wouldn't do to accidentally create poisonous fumes in my kitchen.

thanks for reading, i know this got kinda long! hope you're having a lovely day, all the best :>

Sounds like a fun project. Wish I had me a sheep skull. So my focus is a huge issue for me lately and I hope I'm summarizing correctly:

You have a sheep skull that you want to use for land wights in that area, but you are no longer in that area, and you're not sure how to connect the vessel.

but without the ability to travel back up there for materials like earth and water that might make the request a little easier, i need to get creative

Yes but you have the sheep skull, which based on your post I'm assuming the sheep was raised on that land. So it's not as if you have nothing; you have a lot. Skulls are magically potent as spirit vessels already.

Having things like earth and water and so forth would be ideal. Is it feasible to have your friend ship you small samples of these things?

But regardless, I mean you have the skull. So that's already a pretty big deal. If the sheep lived and died on that land that's an excellent taglock.

i'm aware that i can invite spirits according to certain specifications, ie, "does not wish me or my loved ones harm, is willing and able to help me learn xyz thing" and so on. [...] and obviously spirits can travel, but i'm really not sure how to, in a controlled way, light that beacon for a narrow band of spirits, without fucking it up.

The 'fucking it up' in this circumstance would be IMO either A) making a keyhole so narrow that no spirits could fit through it, which is remedied by widening your approach, or B) incorrectly calling the spirits so that they never hear your call and wouldn't arrive anyway.

These problems are not fuck ups so much as they are early steps in the trial and error required for all experimental magic. It's not like you get one shot. There is no failure condition, so it's not a fuckup so much as it is experimentation.

I recommend starting narrow, seeing what happens, and then broadening your approach. I've had great success writing evocations poetically. Try to call the spirits based on how you felt when you were in their presence. The 'certain specifications' you list are IMO for people blindly calling spirits and hoping to filter them out. You are not blindly calling spirits; you know who and what you seek to connect with.

Candles make excellent beacons. Compasses make excellent roads. You can engage in Travel to try and find spirit roads that lead to that place, which spirits can traverse back and forth.

Anticipate that many rituals may be necessary to fully connect with the spirits you desire to connect with. Eschew the idea that you get one chance which is possible to fuck up. Embrace the idea that you are building the steps to a pyramid - the height will never be reached without many steps before it.

because i've really cleaned the bejesus out of this skull, i'd also like to put a bit more life into it and prepare it for spirit-vesselry.

Reddening the bone. Red ochre is popularly used, but also very much your own blood. Red is the key ingredient - red wine, beet juice, or any natural dyes may be of service. But blood, especially. Typically the entire skull would be reddened but I don't know if this is strictly necessary.

i guess i'd like to know, does anything come to mind that might be helpful?

See if the sheep's spirit is still around that is willing to work with you as a helper. It may be an invaluable ally in helping ferry spirits back and forth across the land, and also to help you control the project once it's reached its fruition.

[get-caitjinxed]

Writing prompt: post arcane, Caitlyn was able to track down jinx in secret to keep tabs and to make sure that she’s alive for Vi’s “sake”. Secrete check in became when secret meet ups when jinx discovers she’s being trailed. Then those meetups became secret rendezvous because of her obsession of with the cat and mouse game with jinx.

Bilgewater was not a place Caitlyn Kiramman had ever expected to find herself in, let alone more than once. She had also never expected to find herself so dedicated to locating her wife's long-presumed-dead sister. But she had known Jinx was alive since she found the remnants of her bombs in the rubble of the hexgate tower. She was a detective, after all - she couldn't let a missing person go unfound.

And Jinx was missing, because no body was ever recovered. They had found Vander and laid him to rest, but there was no sign of Jinx.

Caitlyn did not tell Vi. She felt guilty at first, not wanting to lie to her lover, but she could understand why Jinx fled. Vi needed space. She needed time to heal. She needed to be able to let go. Caitlyn respected Jinx's unspoken wishes.

Still, she couldn't just let her disappear. That was not in Caitlyn's nature. A mystery unsolved would keep her awake at night for years to come.

Jinx was well-traveled. She had gone to Demacia first, where Caitlyn had easily tracked her down. Vi had actually been with her that time, but she slipped away after she had fallen asleep. Caitlyn didn't approach Jinx, instead observing her candor with Luxanna Crownguard, who was also skulking about in disguise.

Ionia was next. Caitlyn planned a trip to visit her father's family, during which she snuck out and found Jinx sampling the local cuisine.

It was in Noxus where they finally crossed paths. Caitlyn was working a security detail on a diplomatic trip. She was thrilled to see Mel again, but she could practically smell Jinx all over the port city where the meeting was taking place.

"I know you've been following me," Jinx had told her. "Impressive, really. I didn't think you'd travel overseas just to figure out where I was."

"It's my job to know where you are."

"Is it?"

"Faking your death didn't clear your name. You're still Piltover's Most Wanted."

"I don't think this is your jurisdiction, Sheriff."

It was the first of several encounters. Caitlyn was becoming quite the globetrotter following in Jinx's footsteps. Even Vi was impressed. She had suggested Caitlyn quit the force and start working as a diplomat for the Council, but she refused. That would defeat the point. She was an enforcer, and Jinx was a wanted criminal.

This was why Caitlyn was in Bilgewater. Thoroughly undercover, as no one here would appreciate a lawman running around stirring up trouble. Caitlyn knew how to keep a low profile, but she also knew that Jinx was already aware of her presence. She had left a note in her inn room. Well, less of a note, and more of a sketch. That classic monkey. Pink and blue.

They met each other in a dark, dank alley under the cover of persistent fog. Jinx's hair had grown out over the years, though it was nowhere near the length it used to be. Caitlyn approached her slowly.

"Is there a problem, officer?" Jinx asked.

"There's always a problem with you," said Caitlyn, her voice low.

With a practiced swiftness, Caitlyn grabbed Jinx's wrists and pinned her against the wall. She licked her lips and leaned down, nipping at Jinx's lower lip.

"If we can come to an 'agreement', I might be willing to let you go," she whispered.

"I think I understand the terms of your deal, Sheriff. And I accept."

Caitlyn didn't wait. As soon as the words left Jinx's mouth, her tongue replaced them. There was that sweet, electric taste she had grown to love. The kiss was sloppy, hungry. Caitlyn had no patience when it came to Jinx. She barely parted from her to breathe. When she finally pulled away, Jinx's dark lipstick had smeared across both of their faces.

"You got some of me on you," Jinx slurred.

"I've got somewhere else you can spread your lipstick," said Caitlyn.

She let go of Jinx's wrists, put a hand on top of her head, and pushed her down onto her knees.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Unattainable | 7

"Ah my little Schnucki! It's good to see you not through a Webcam! Are you sure you want to do the whole school thing?"

"Noiz! We already talked about this!"

That feeling of family warmth overtook your heart as you watched your brother bicker with his husband. Pulling on eacother's ears and cheeks as they went back and forth on the familiar subject.

"We can't keep them locked up for ever no matter how much we want to!"

"Why not? We have the means and Schnucki doesn't get along with others anyway."

"SHHH don't say that in front of them! (Y/n) we think your plenty capable of making new friends!"

"Well don't lie to them! They're better off staying home. It worked for me I'm sure it'll work for them too!"

"You were locked away for years and hardly knew how to talk to people!"

"And look at me now! It would suit them best to stay-"

"Don't. Undermine me, mister!"

Haruhi huffed at the sight. When would she stop baring witness to men acting like children? Idiots, all of them. She loudly cleared her throat, smiling cheekily when they turned to her. 

"Nice to see you two are as energetic as always."

The strawberry blonde chuckled holding his husband by the waist. 

"It's the only way I can keep him happy!"

He winked as Aoba hit his suited chest with a blushing face. Haruhi resisted the urge to gag turning to you. You were  staring at the seemingly bottomless container of your (f/t), pouting at the sleepiness that interrupted your joyful reward. Noiz crept beside you poking his forehead into yours as he looked down to sample your view. He looked up, identifying the tired glaze over your eyes.. Holding in a giggle he put a hand on your head, keeping firm as you looked up at him. Guiding you into his body he held you tight cradling your back as you hugged him.

"I see you found my 'secret' compartment!"

"Not much of a secret when the design is so obvious."

He feigned a stabbing pain in his heart, "Well leave it to my kid to see the idiosyncrasies of my engineering." 

"Sorry." The monotone voice would have come off sarcastic to anyone else. But Noiz knew. He knew that you meant it and you just didn't know how to say that without offensive social cues. He knew that your attempted eye contact was you're insecurity about reacting properly. And he was proud you were even trying.

""It's all good Schnucki!"

He let his hug reduce to an arm around your shoulders as he turned back to Haruhi and Aoba who seemed to be finished whispering about something. And he couldn't help but be a little petty.

"What're you two whispering about? Making fun of how much cuter the two of us are?"

Aoba quickly scowled before flashing a smile as he copied Noiz. 

"Not cuter than us I bet! (Y/n) will you judge us real fast?"

"Sure. They are the cutest."

"Gagh! How cruel! Turning my own child against me! But I'll do you one better!"

He pulled you along with his left arm while he reached for Aoba with his right. Firmly grabbing his husband's waist he looped his finger into his belt loops before cheekily holding him in place. Squeezing you both as tight as he could he turned to Haruhi.

"How about now aren't we just the cutest trio you ever did see?"

The reluctant host club member paused, taking in the way you playfully pretended to struggle while Aoba began to scold him. Pushing down an ugly feeling she let a somber smile spread on her face.

"Yep I can guarantee I've never seen anyone cuter...picture?"

She pulled out her phone while Noiz enthusiastically nodded. After a few seconds she tucks her phone in her pocket and Noiz finally releases his hold on Aoba. Doubling down to cuddle into you as you fruitlessly protested. 

"Send that to me Haruhi."

Looking into the golden hues of the Serigaki head she nodded, holding back laughter.

Aoba was truly talented.

She hadn't seen anyone be so threatening without meaning to at all. But Sharks aren't exactly aware they're considered frightening. Not until you were their next meal. 

Haruhi Fujioka had no intentions of being so, instead she'd consider herself a lesser threat. More like a feeder fish. 

Because she likes the remains of the initial attack. The remains of the defeated are exactly her type.

"Oh Haruhi, are we having the fish you like with those friends of yours?"

"I think we should. They've never gotten to taste it the Serigaki way. I think it'd blow them out the water." 

_____________

Schnucki - "Sweety" according to Google translate

[philtstone]

as if you havent already filled enough indulgent prompts for me already—Juliet & Gus, "competition"

also cleaned up and posted on ao3

Juliet's always been the jealous type, but she's never been jealous of Gus.

Maybe for like a week, right after Vancouver, she had a mild freakout over how it would all work. Which was normal of her, Juliet maintains. Shawn was historically bad at saying no to both of them, they were trying to keep things a secret at work, it was so so so new in ways that blended the heady butterflies and anxiety about the future into one single entity in her stomach, and, well. She was suddenly very personally aware: there were things Gus knew about her boyfriend that were probably so hyperspecific that they completely escaped her scope of imagination.

The little thread of anxiety tied to this particular knowledge started to dissolve the first time Shawn called her in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. And besides, she had thought -- wasn't this all just a great opportunity to get to know Gus better, too?

Juliet is a pragmatic woman and a strategist and the initiator of their local public library's Feminist Fantasy and Friendship book club. Over the last fifteen years, the number of times she's felt like she's competing with Burton Guster for Shawn's attention is so small it's kind of irrelevant.

"Juliet!" Gus follows the sound of his pained voice through the door. "It's been three hours! He's not answering his phone!"

Juliet closes the front door and sighs. "He's fixing the dishwasher."

Gus's scarf is hanging lopsidedly from around his neck and the top of his perfectly round head glistens with the remnants of a spring rainstorm. He raises both eyebrows. "Shawn. Our Shawn? The Shawn we know. Is fixing the dishwasher."

"Didn't he do it for a living for like three weeks back in ninety nine?" Juliet asks, taking Gus's coat from him and ushering him into the living room.

"Well, yeah," says Gus, in a tone that implies the mutual understanding that Shawn is annoyingly handy when he isn't distracted by twelve other more interesting things and/or being deliberately useless. "I just didn't think he'd have the patience to sit down and do it. Especially when he was supposed to come over three hours ago to go over these case files with me. I gotta pick up Junior from daycare in twenty minutes!"

Wordlessly, Juliet nudges him closer to the half-shut kitchen door. Gus pauses, frowning, then tilts his head as Shawn's animated voice floats through to them, a sample of the bits and pieces of conversation Juliet's been neglected for all afternoon.

"... then he goes over and stands by the record stand -- cue music -- have I played Try A Little Tenderness for you yet? Not exactly in this household's hall of fame, but one of the greats for sure. Now, music starts playing, and he starts dancing -- bam bam beeeenyon, hang on, I gotta demonstrate -- now imagine you're Andi, and you're standing over there, looking appropriately reserved and restrained 'cause life is just complicated, you know?! You're trying to figure out how to be a person in high school."

"Aaaab aaab baa."

"Exactly! Don't worry, you don't have to go to high school for ages. Maybe by the time you do high school the aliens will have invaded. Mol, note to self -- if aliens invade, make sure they do experiments on me first. You and Mommy and Uncle Gus are too important to be experimented on."

"Baaaa."

"That's right, because I love you. So back to Andi -- it's hard, 'cause she totally stands out, you know? But that's only because she has a great personality, and get this, the general population of the world is not interested in good personalities. You're definitely gonna have a great personality, but if anyone doesn't like you they'll have to go through Mommy, right? Then me, and then Gus probably third -- Hm, no. Me, Grandpa, Selene, then Gus. Your Uncle Gus is a sensitive soul."

"Abbbrrrabababa"

"Right. I think you might have the most personality of anyone I've ever met, including myself and the inimitable Rod Steiger impersonator I met once in Arkansas. It's just been obvious from pretty much the second I held you; you know your dad's a great judge of character. So anyway, Ducky starts dancing -- oooh, I just had a thought. How do we feel about pineapple Fruit By the Foot in a cheesy chili dog? Here me out -- same concept as a pizza -- but with maximum shelf life for the fruitiness. We gotta try that one on Uncle Gus ..."

Gus blinks at the door, then at Juliet, then back at the door.

"I'm not that sensitive," he says defensively. "I am fully prepared to fight a man and or woman and or other self-identified gender to protect your daughter, Juliet --"

"Gus, focus!"

Gus clears his throat and straightens up.

"All afternoon?" he asks.

"It's so sweet," Juliet whispers miserably, "I don't think he's ever had a more captive audience."

There's a mild clang from inside the kitchen, and Molly's bubbly shrieking laughter. Gus's eyebrows climb by the inch up his forehead. He looks like he doesn't know whether he wants to laugh to look sympathetic or shed a few emotional tears; Juliet can relate.

"And you've been ..."

"In the kitchen, doing boring tax stuff. They've been so caught up in their conversation it's like I'm not even there."

"Jules, she's six months old."

"Don't laugh at me."

"I'm not laughing! I feel neglected too. Three hours, remember?"

Molly laughs again, clapping her hands. Shawn's started singing Try a Little Tenderness and is surprisingly on-key until it suddenly gets muffled by what Juliet presumes is the screwdriver he's been using to fix their kitchen appliance.

"I am not jealous of my baby," she says determinedly, bringing forward a vehement finger. "And neither are you." Gus holds his hands up in surrender.

"I'm Switzerland. And have to pick up my own baby. Tell Shawn I stopped by."

"Tell Selene she has to finish chapter five by Sunday."

"Man, I have to finish chapter five by Sunday. Selene's read all the way ahead to the sexy stuff."

"Gus!" Juliet shoos him away in distress. "She's not supposed to do that! We're meant to experience the book together in friendship!"

"I am not going to be discussing fairy smut with a room full of adults, Juliet, I don't care how a book club works. I am attending this out of the goodness of my heart because you are a valued member of my circle --"

"Go pick up your kid, oh my God."

Gus huffs, shrugging his coat on. "And you go rescue yours from another hour's worth of Pretty in Pink. You know, he did this to me once when we were in ninth grade?"

"Oh, me too. Third month together. The whole thing."

"What number are we at by now?"

"Eighty-seven watches. And counting."

The realization that exposing Molly's baby eyeballs to movie screens isn't very good for her baby brain has had a surprisingly mitigating effect on Shawn's own movie watching habits. Juliet supposes that he's found a decent workaround; Shawn's nothing if not a good storyteller. And it's not like he forgets any of the details.

" -- exactly! The subtlety? The delicate traaamble of her lip? You're named for her, you know. One of the greatest actresses of all time --"

"Amm mama!"

"Bye," says Gus. The front door slams shut. More clattering of tools from inside the kitchen.

"Jules! Sweetheart! Where are you? We miss you in here!"

Juliet can't help but smile.

"Coming! And you know that's the sound she always makes when she needs to nurse, Shawn." The kitchen door swings open to the sight of Shawn on his side, wedged into the dishwasher's depths, and Molly in her high chair with slobber all over her fist. Juliet feels her heart melt anyway when Molly reaches for her. "Hi baby," she coos.

Shawn extracts himself from the innards. "Not true," he says. She takes a seat at the kitchen table and situates Molly and undoes her nursing bra. "I can read the intonations. This was a genuine emotion, beyond need for boob --"

"Mmmhmm," Juliet says.

"-- and I missed you," Shawn finishes, sincerely.

Juliet's smile grows big and bright and silly. She pets Molly's head, tilts her head at him. She has no idea if their dishes will be washed anytime soon.

"Gus was here," she says. "He's jealous of our six month old. You should call him." Then, unable to help herself, has to start laughing at the expression of deep distress that immediately overtakes Shawn's face.