#same with the lumberjacks and firefighters

[aphrogeneias]

this or that — au edition

thank you for the tags @strangerstilinski @urdadsnewgiirlfriend ❣️

bookstore au or fisherman au ⋆ bartender au or spy au ⋆ neighbour au or farm au ⋆ wedding planner au or roommate au ⋆ billionaire au or mob au ⋆ western au or hospital au ⋆ rockstar au or bodyguard au ⋆ office/coworker au or firefighter au ⋆ lumberjack au or deserted island au ⋆ fantasy au or soulmates au ⋆ modern au or historical au ⋆ sex worker au or a/b/o au ⋆ bakery au or academic au ⋆ pirate au or babysitter au ⋆ camp counselor au or werewolf au ⋆ coffee shop au or flower shop au ⋆ apocalypse au or treasure hunter au ⋆ tattoo artist au or single parent au ⋆ royalty au or vampire au

tagging: @intrepidacious @onegirlmanytales @justsheerfilth1 @raccoonboywrites @rebelfell @urhoneycombwitch @paybacksawitch @tripleyeeet

[rookthorne]

it's coming up to my personal favourite event of the year, Hot Bucky Summer, as run by the mods over at @buckybarnesevents!

in order to gear up for the chaos that will ensue (no doubt) from this event within my collections, I have compiled my personal top 10 Bucky collections into a poll. and here is where I will ask for your help — I would like to gather as much information as possible to determine where most of my focus will go.

to be clear, it is very likely that all of my collections will be given love and attention through this event (now that I have confidence to write smut) once I know the prompts, but I am asking who I should prioritise from my favourites. I will also disclose that there are AUs yet to be announced that will be very prominent... 🤭

to refresh memories, I have put below the cut the afforementioned collections! otherwise, the link is hyperlinked above, or easily accessed by the first link in my bio (my navigation).

thank you in advance for your help, my chaos kittens. 💗

— 𝐁𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬

The 107th motorcycle club has been the protector of their collective hometown for many, many years - shouldering all the bloodshed and loss that came with it. Little did you know, you’d become the President’s own twisted version of an angel on his shoulder; the tips of your angelic wings tinged red by your own demons.

— 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐚 𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐨𝐯

A pack of wolves looked out for one another, strengthened each other and battled to keep one another safe – it was the natural order of things, the way things worked. Being between the two most dangerous and possessive of them all meant you sat on your throne with pride; just how they wanted it.

— 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐃𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲

Like a moth to a flame, you were drawn to them and their irresistible charm – their job, as firemen, was to put out fires and infernos, but you could only hope they’d let the fire they started in the depth of your soul, consume you whole.

— 𝐆𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐈𝐧𝐤 

The world of body art and botany had always been beautiful to you; each pencil stroke and each flower petal amounted to a masterpiece of creation. It wasn’t until the day that a chance meeting left you reeling amongst the artful blooms of your store, you wondered if that was what heaven truly felt like.

— 𝐃𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞

The depths of Hell had lost an asset, all thanks to you - no God could save you from his sights, or his clutches. Being consumed by fire was one way to go, you supposed, if it came in the form of one smug, hellish bastard.

— 𝐒𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐲 𝐑𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐬, 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬

Life in your small town could not have gotten any better, you had sworn. That was until you started to call a handsome, brooding lumberjack your best friend, and you developed butterflies at any mention of his name, or thought of him. Sure, it was going to be fine, you could do this. What could go wrong?

— 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬

Cars were all the same to you – classics, imports, you name it, they were all the same.

Well, they were, until you were nonetheless forced to visit your local mechanic and saw the man that would pique your interest in not only every single make and model of classic car, but his charming smile; the air of righteous arrogance that flowed from his tattoos, and that damned cheeky glint in his bright eyes.

— 𝐀 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐨

Fate had a funny way of working. There you were, in the hospital again, and there was your favourite nurse; tall, broad, devilishly handsome, and not to mention soft, kind, and caring. Your stay, and consequently your life, just got infinitely more interesting.

— 𝐑𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐭

A powerful alpha had locked his sights onto you; a wolf to its prey. On the contrary, you were the fox that showed its belly to a predator – a mutual respect, the only thing keeping the wolf’s fangs from piercing the delicate flesh. You knew playing with his food was something he loved to do, and you would happily be the plaything for your mate. 

— 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲

Softness was a trait you unwittingly carried - the wings of a dove taking you higher and higher, elevating you in the eyes of the devil. And that devil did not want to wait any longer. It was time to collect.

[brinleyparke]

Hawaii Five-0 Fic Ideas

Based on Specific Episodes:

Post-pilot – Kono goes to Steve's house to check on him.

Post-pilot – How do Steve's superiors react when they hear he's transferring to the Reserves?

1x12 AU – What if Steve and Kono didn't steal the money? What if Steve borrowed from a friend, perhaps Josef Kostan or Lucifer? When Steve can't give him the money back, Steve owes him a favor.

Post 2x03 – Danny reconsiders letting Steve around Grace now that he has really seen what he is capable of.

Post 2x07 – Steve apologizes to Max. They become BFFs.

Post 2x07 – Steve gets payback on Lori for the Sandy costume

Costume ideas:

Angel, Captain America, Clark Kent, cop, cowboy, dark angel, devil, firefighter, gladiator, Greek god/Adonis, handyman/mechanic, lifeguard, lumberjack, pirate, sailor, soldier/SEAL, wrestler.

Post 2x09 – Steve tells Joe what happened with Nick Taylor. Joe tells him it wasn't his fault.

Post 2x10 – Joe tells Doris about Steve being tortured.

Post 2x16 – McRollins h/c

Post 2x22 AU – Kono ends things with Adam after he almost killed Steve.

Post 3x07 – h/c for Steve. Can be McKono, McRollins, or Gen. Maybe Doris or Mary notices the roadrash on Steve's back

3x08 – Steve is upset that his team didn't trust him

Post 3x15 – Chin and Kono's thoughts after seeing the bullet with their boss's/friend's name on it

Reacher (TV show) x-over: Post 3x20 – Reacher decides to go to Hawaii because why not? He ends up getting framed for murder again because that's just his luck. Five-0 gets the case. Steve sees Reacher and looks like he's seen a ghost. Steve believes that Reacher didn't do it. The Five-0 team thinks Steve isn't thinking straight. It's up to Steve, Reacher, and Catherine to prove Reacher's innocence.

4x07 – Danny thinks Steve would actually make a good father.

4x08 – hurt/comfort; what if it wasn't just a graze?

4x08 – Grover starts to consider that maybe steve isn't such a bad guy after all

Post 5x18 – Steve feels guilty that he wasn't the one to get Chin out and that he had to choose between Chin and Danny. Steve goes to apologize to Chin. Chin assures him there's no hard feelings and that he understands why he had to get Danny first (Danny was an American cop in a Colombian prison, while Chin was in America).

6x04 AU – Steve pulls up his shirt to prove the abs are accurate. See evidence below.

Post 6x19 – Steve tells Lou about his mom faking her death and his dad sending him and Mary away.

6x25 AU – What if Chin was the one who gave Steve half his liver instead of Danny?

Post 6x25 – Lou and Chin realize that on all those nights that Steve would call Chin, Steve wasn't sleeping either. (Malia died at the same time that Steve found out his mother was still alive.)

Post 6x25 – Steve is struggling with his medical discharge from the Navy.

Kirk Emerson (the Marine with no legs from 4x20) hears about the plane crash-landing on the news. Maybe he makes some calls or something to see if Steve survived and somehow finds out about the transplant (idk how). Kirk makes a trip to Hawaii because knows what Steve is going through.

Or maybe Joe hears about it and helps Steve adjust to no longer being in the Navy.

7x16 – Insecure!Steve based on the scene where Steve mentions his crow's feet

Post season 7 finale – Steve has one of his spells during a meeting with the governor.

Based on 8x24 – John is worried when he finds out Steve was hurt. He's also grateful to Joe for saving his son and making sure he got out of there...alive.

Post-finale – Steve and Cath visit some people

Chin, Abby, and Sara

Kono

Mary and Joanie

Sam Hanna

MacGyver (they talk about Jack)

Kelly

Reggie Cole and his son (from 1x21)

Danny's family

Harry Langford

Wade Gutches

Post-finale – Steve thinks about the stranger from the hospital chapel all those years ago (from 6x25)

[crazywolf828]

Firefighter Yang who is secretly a dragon shapeshifter or Lumberjack Yang who is secretly a werewolf, who would win in a fight?

Anon I want to first say, you have the most amazing ideas, but also if FF Yang shifted into a dragon she'd basically be able to eat Lumberjack WW Yang whole, whether she was transformed or not.

But! If we're going to decide this on just a base human level of say it would be a pretty even match both Yang's have extremely labours jobs, but I'd say lumberjack Yang would win in the end. Despite popular belief, firefighters sit around an awful lot, it's not a constant up and moving like with Lumberjacks and that's why I think LJ Yang would win.

[babytoshiii]

Thank you for tagging me Summer! ☺️🫶🏾

bookstore au or fisherman au ♥️ bartender au or spy

au ♥️ neighbor au or farm au ♥️ wedding planner

au or roommate au ♥️ billionaire au or mob au (lmao

idrc for either of these) ♥️ western au or hospital au

(same with these 😭) ♥️ rockstar au or bodyguard

au ♥️ office/coworker au or firefighter au ♥️

lumberjack au or deserted island au ♥️ fantasy au or

soulmates au (love both of these too much to choose

^ ^) ♥️ modern au or historical au ♥️ sex worker or

a/b/o au ♥️ bakery au or academic au ♥️ pirate au

or babysitter au ♥️ camp counselor au or werewolf

au ♥️ coffee shop au or flower shop au (Both!!)♥️

apocalypse au or treasure hunter au ♥️ tattoo artist

au or single parent au (as much as I like tattoo artist

aus, single parent has my heart lmao even tho I’m

not a kid person irl) ♥️ royalty au or vampire au ♥️

Tagging: @peachyblkdemonslayer @diorlov3er + anyone else who wants to do this !!

it's been a while, let's do a little this or that tag game, but make it with AUs for the lols

bookstore au or fisherman au ♥ bartender au or spy au ♥ neighbour au or farm au ♥ wedding planner au or roommate au ♥ billionaire au or mob au ♥ western au or hospital au ♥ rockstar au or bodyguard au ♥ office/coworker au or firefighter au ♥ lumberjack au or deserted island au ♥ fantasy au or soulmates au ♥ modern au or historical au ♥ sex worker au or a/b/o au ♥ bakery au or academic au ♥ pirate au or babysitter au ♥ camp counselor au or werewolf au ♥ coffee shop au or flower shop au ♥ apocalypse au or treasure hunter au ♥ tattoo artist au or single parent au ♥ royalty au or vampire au

no pressure tags: @chvoswxtch @ghostlyfleur @chxrryhansen @bunmurdock @slvttyfied @venuslore @amorchai @katyswrites @mystcldydrms @bradshawed @bcyhoods @midniteluv @bruisedboys @skullrock @appocalipse @ddejavvu @spideyheart @reidslovely @inklore @cosmal @fettuccin-e @oncasette

[belethlegwen]

THE STRANDING Character Descriptions Masterlist

HELLO WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW HOW SEXY EVERYONE IN THE STRANDING IS?

I have been searching face- and body- (and one butt-) claims all afternoon and OOPS, everyone in The Stranding is hot now. Sorry not sorry.

This list is technically In Progress but will I update it regularly or ever again? The future is a mystery, my friend.

NOTE: THESE PICTURES ARE BASELINE SUGGESTIONS FOR THE CHARACTERS. basically a good place to start from when coupling with the written descriptions. Please enjoy!

Here we gooooooo:

Commander Peter Martellis: Same height as Henry, slightly less built but still muscular. Fantastic legs and butt from riding horses all the time. Short dark hair with some notable gray streaks. Thick eyebrows and dark brown eyes. Well-trimmed black/dark haired beard with silver throughout. Crow's feet in the corners of his eyes, laugh-lines. Has smiled a good bit in the past. 35-36 years old

These photos were originally just going to be for hair and beard but it's just too good not to go with this face-claim in general. Case in point:

"Decorum." ->

Captain Daniel Grant: Clean shaven blonde, luxurious blonde hair that goes to his shoulders, pulled back often in a loose ponytail. Pointed face, very much a resting bitch face situation. Icy, blue-grey eyes that are VERY sharp. Slightly taller than Peter and Henry, thin and agile frame, also a competent rider, so also has nice legs and butt. 34-35 years old

This sour bastard has beautiful hair.

Henry Lemuels: Age: 30 (Rescue) - 32(?) (Stranding) Height: 5'9", or 7.2 inches A highly-skilled sailor from the land of Vogunti Royalty, Henry Lemuels left the port of his home's Capital City on a privateering mission from the King, only to have his vessel, his crew and himself, swept up in an immense storm. The wreck claims the lives of all but him, and he washes up on the shores of a strange land to be rescued by a giant woman.

[Art done by a friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous (left) and the amazing @aceouttatime (right)]

Corporal Lionus Ethridge: Extremely kind, bright hazel eyes. Bushy eyebrows. Slightly shorter than Peter and Henry but not by much. Soft, light-brown hair that comes to about his ears in soft waves. Light scruff usually but shaves every couple of days-- at least one or twice a week-- to avoid growing a beard of any kind. Thinner than most of the other officers, doesn't have majorly large muscles, seems mostly agility-built similar to Grant. BEST GUESS FOR AGE: Early-Mid Forties but could be as old as fifty.

He's pretty.

Second Lieutenant Edmund Miller: Broad chested, big strong shoulders. Man looks like a happy lumberjack basically all the time. Not bad with riding horses but obviously uses his arms a lot. Warm brown eyes. Taller than most in the Watch. Brown hair, always has some amount of scruff on him but never manages to have a beard, and somehow only ever is clean shaved for special occassions. 27-28 years old

If you throw these three pictures into a paint mixer and shake them all together, that's the closest I can seem to find to our beloved adorable Himbo man

Second Lieutenant Gregory Jones: Fairly plain face, blue eyes, sandy-blonde hair. Shorter than Miller but not by a lot. Very straight, proper posture. Athletic build, strong arms but not nearly as thicc a boi as Edmund. Short hair, as with most of the watch. Little longer on top, almost shaved/short face on the sides. 27-28 years old

Horse pic is his body, firefighter for face.

First Lieutenant Terrance Wells Yes his name is Terrance. "He had a serious face, his neutral expression looking like a man deep in his thoughts. Dark blonde hair, a long nose and sharp features were almost betrayed by stunning dark eyes, large and round, with a browline that seemed soft, pleasant. He was one of the taller men, with a thin, lithe frame, and as he removed his jacket to inspect the back for dirt or debris from traveling through the dusty construction zone she was reminded of male figure skaters." 27-28 years old

Adam Rippon for body (white figure skating costume), that NICE BUTT for his butt, and face for face. Wells is very pretty and has a FANTASTIC butt.

Second Lieutenant Rupert Chase Yes his name is Rupert. Brown eyes, nice eyebrows, brown hair though partially sunbleached to be a bit lighter in the summer. Looks similar to photo. 23-24 years old.

I have been looking at firefighters and cowboys and figure skaters all afternoon, it's been a good day.

First Lieutenant [Noble Guard] Francine Wright Auburn hair, tall, muscular with a stunning face. Often smiling, bright happy eyes. 26-27 years old

More muscular but this girl is her vibe.

Lance Corporal Devon Harris Moody face, dark hair (slightly longer than photo), only ever makes it to five-o-clock-shadow levels of scruff, loves to be clean shaven but his hair grows fast and thick. Dark, dark brown eyes and sharp brows. 24-25 years old

Again, darker eyes. The arsehole is pretty lookin' though.

Privates Peters, Hicks and Bartlett Original Idiot Brigade Crew with Miller and Jones. Peters has crew-clut blonde hair, Hicks has dirty-blonde/light brown hair in short, wavy locks, Bartlett is tallest of the trio with black hair, thick eyebrows. Shown in same order in the picture below. All between 23 and 26 years old

Peters, Hicks, Bartlett

Second Lieutenant Cassandra Greibes Dark skin with dark brown eyes, glossy black hair tied back in a ponytail usually. Slightly shorter than Henry and Peter, very well-built with almost a swimmer's physique. 26-27 years old

This is absolutely her face.

Lieutenant General and Duchess Ais'lyn Vogunti Brilliant red hair now with some faded areas where she's going grey, BRILLIANTLY green eyes, high cheekbones and sharp brow/chin. A LOT of laugh-lines, crows feet, etc. Still toned but not nearly as muscular as when she was active in the ranks. 47 years old. Photos similar to when she was younger, like to imagine that yellow dress photo is very close to a portrait from her youth that hangs over the fireplace in hers and the Duke's home.

Fierce fierce lady.

Melanie Barnes: Age: 32 (Rescue) - 34 (Stranding) Height: 5'4", or 50 feet An "early-retirement" crafter from Canada, Melanie Barnes suffered a string of bad relationships and a devastating loss in her family before stepping away almost completely from her old life, isolating herself in grief. She picked up driftwood art crafts to keep herself busy and semi-social by selling them at flea markets, and one days comes across the bizarre wreck of-- what she believes to be-- an elaborate model ship. After rescuing a small man, she has to adjust her life again to try and keep him safe, and hopefully help him return to his homeland in the future.

[Pictures in order from: @hollewdz, @lnbeep-art, and @aaytaro-gt]

[buckyownsmylife]

eyre’s first anniversary challenge

In celebration of another follower milestone (thanks, you guys!) and my first year publishing my writing on tumblr, I figured it’s be nice to make another one of these! I had so much fun the first time around, I can only hope you guys will feel the same way, too!

Yet again, this is exclusively for smut writers! But you all will have a few different categories of prompts to choose ✌ And to make it even more fun, I’ve made some wheels too! Thanks @iraot for starting this trend and @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog and @iwantutobehapppier​ for making yours too! (Go check out their challenges, btw - so great for when you’re in a writing rut!)

And the categories are... (the wheels are linked in the name of each category)

AUs - the male character has to be the one that falls under this category

Firefighter

Spy

FBI

Bodyguard

Priest

Sugar daddy

Artist

Musician

Nanny

Lumberjack

Politician

Boxer

Father’s Best friend

Best friend’s father

Mechanic

Trucker

Knight

Lawyer

College

Porn star

Kinks

Breeding kink

dirty talk

angst-to-smut (or what I affectionately refer to as smangst and Emma calls it breaking my heart then stitching it back together)

exhibitionism

voyeurism

porn with plot (or what @lifeofrileyp​ calls emotionally invested smut)

daddy kink

throatfucking

spanking

choking

praise kink

anal

begging

creampie

overstimulation

protective/possessive/jealous

public sex

threesome

(thank you to all the anons who helped me set up this list + my discord gang, as always)

Characters accepted - let’s call this a category because I made a wheel for it too

Aaron Hotchner

Andy Barber

August Walker

Ben Barnes

Bruce Banner

Bruce Wayne

Bucky Barnes

Captain Syverson

Chris Evans

Dean Winchester

Harry Styles

Henry Cavill

Jake Gyllenhaal

John Winchester

Lee Bodecker

Loki Lauffeyson

Logan Howlett

Sebastian Stan

Spencer Reid

Steve Rogers

Tom Hardy

Tom Hiddleston

Walter Marshall

Now here are some rules:

You must choose at least one character (duh), one AU AND one kink

x fem!reader insert only this time around

I will not accept your submission if you’re under eighteen - you shouldn’t even be in my blog, ffs

No word limit, the longer the better - but use a read more break or I will not reblog your post, I’m serious.

I’m asking for no Noncon this time. Dubcon is accepted, but no incest, underage participants, or bathroom-related kinks.

Tag me in your work and if possible, send it to me through here! Just so I’m 100% sure I won’t miss it (we all know how tumblr can be…).

You have until July 31st, the day I celebrate my one year as a writer on Tumblr and also the birthday of my beloved Emma. Go send her a love message while you’re at it!

I’ll reblog every fic with a comment and create a masterlist of fics by the end of it! I’ll also be following some of you, since I’m always in the search of more fanfic writers to follow!

MASTERLIST OF THE STORIES SUBMITTED

I’m gonna tag some of my friends so I know they’ll see this, but feel free to reblog it and join! Please reblog it if you can so other people can see it!

@whisperlullaby​ @navybrat817​ @angrythingstarlight​ @river-soul​ @sagechanoafterdark​ @tom-whore-dleston​ @cap-n-stuff​ @gothgirlmahi​ @tuiccim​ @nsfwsebbie​​​ @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @marziwritesfic​ @divine-mistake​

[the-fiction-witch]

Grown up Halloween day 2 sexy pizza rat

Media irl

Character Isaac Hempstead Wright

Couple Isaac X Reader

Rating sexy ish?

Halloween day 2

"Isaac!" I heard y/n call from the living room

"Yes my love?" I called back finishing the washing up

"Can I borrow you?"

"Will I be returned?"

"Yes"

"In the same condition I was borrowed in?"

"Yes"

"Are you willing to pay a security deposit?"

"Get your butt in here Isaac before I shove a pencil in your penis"

"Coming my love" I chuckled drying my hand and going into the living room where she sat on her laptop so I sat down beside her giving her a big kiss "what am I required for? You forgot your Amazon password again?"

"No, I wanted your help with something very important"

"Oh?"

"I need to pick a costume for the Halloween party at Lizzie's"

"Ohhhh right so what do you need me for?"

"I can't decide"

"Oh? Well I'm happy to help my cute girl pick her Halloween costume" I smiled giving her a cuddle "give me some options then"

"sexy Police officer?"

"Oooh… I think you'll be a bit cold" 

"Sexy Nurse"

"Again. Cold. And… that's a lot of leg for a nurse. Feel like you'd give people heart attacks you walked into a hospital like that"

"Sexy devil"

"I like that, cool cape if your cold you could wrap yourself up in your cape plus you could do like alot of cool make up for that I think" 

"Sexy fairy"

"Ohh that is… busy"

"I thought that"

"That's a no from me"

"Okay sexy maid"

"That is a sex outfit. Like they sell that in Anne summers"

"Ohh grow up Isaac, sexy school girl"

"So your a sexy twelve year old"

"Point taken sexy girl scout"

"Sexy seven year old"

"Sexy teacher"

"That's a porn star. One hundred percent I have seen porn where that was the outfit"

"Have you now Isaac"

"Don't judge me you where on holiday"

"Sexy firefighter"

"Ohh god that looks so cold." 

"Sexy lumberjack"

"That's just fireman without the hat"

"Sexy corn on the cob"

"That would only work of you wore yellow tights and carried popcorn around to throw at people"

"Sexy dragon"

"This seems offensive. Chinese dragons are beautiful that's just a lady in hot pants again"

"Sexy goldfish"

"That's hilarious but only for the pure obserdity" I laughed "but again pants needed"

"Sexy watermelon"

"That's just a defective watermelon dress that they had cuts in and redid to look like a bite"

"Sexy racoon"

"Why is she wearing thigh highs with fishnets"

"That's your question?"

"I'm not addressing the rest of this"

"Sexy fortune cookie"

"Again that feels offensive"

"Sexy hacker"

"That's just one of those long hoodies"

"Sexy cheerleader"

"Again sexy sixteen year old and…. Does that say daddy as the team name?"

"It does"

"I may throw up"

"Sexy french fries"

"That's funny but the arm bands are weird"

"Sexy carrot"

"The that's so cheap. You could do carrots really well just not with a cheap dress"

"Sexy etcha sketch"

"Does it work?"

"No"

"That's not fun"

"Sexy bubblegum"

"Really?"

"Sexy bear"

"Ohh no I'm getting wicker Man flash backs"

"Sexy cat in the hat"

"Nope"

"Sexy Chinese take out container?"

"Again that feels offensive"

"It's not as bad as some of them"

"Like what?"

"Sexy native American"

"Ohh that's so cheap and offensive"

"Sexy tequila girl"

"Again very offensive"

"Sexy geisha"

"Oh. Oh no. No. They didn't? You just made and tiny kimono. That's so very offensive geishas work so hard they are a beautiful art form."

"Your mad at sexy geisha"

"Very!" 

"Sexy pizza rat?"

"Okay that's amazing, it's so dumb I love it. And you have those pizza leggings! If you don't go as pizza rat I will"

"Ooohh sexy voodoo doll"

"Admittedly that's cool"

"I'm going for voodoo doll"

"Fine, then I may steal your leggings and be a pizza rat" 

[techmomma]

Common town jobs in a Western setting

mayor

secretaries

judge

lawman (good?)

lawman (corrupt?)

jailer

blacksmith/farrier/leatherworkers/tanners

carpenter/general handyman

dentist/barber

doctor/barber

barkeep/saloonkeeper

ostler/hostler (person who looks after your horse while you stay at the inn and often de facto veterinarian)

postal worker/telegram operator

general store owner/grocer

tailor/seamstress

various shop owners

farmers/ranchers/millers/brewers/ditch riders/wranglers

hunters/traders

laborers/miners/roustabouts

brothelkeeper/brotherworkers

banker/teller

butcher

baker

candlestick maker?

shoemaker

gunsmith (may be the same person as the farrier/blacksmith if a town is small enough)

train engineers, railroad operators, stage coach drivers

launderer

priest/pastor/clergyman

midwives

travelling salesmen/peddlers

cooks

pharmacist/apothecary

entertainers/dancers/singers/musicians

journalists/photographers/painters

prospectors

undertaker/grave diggers

firefighters? fire chief? (is town big enough?)

school teacher

croupier (person who manages gambling tables)

hatmaker

hairdresser

loggers/lumberjacks

lawyer

bookkeepers/clerks

printers/book-binders/paperworkers

seasonal workers

soda jerk (usually in pharmacist or bakery)

jeweler/watchmakers

freighters (cargo-deliverers)

iceworkers/deliverers/water deliverers

surveyors/assayers/civil engineers

masons

librarian

Unofficial “jobs”

town drunk

hooligans

vagrants

street kids

lesbians spinsters

gunslingers

newcomers

old hands and residents

gossipmongers

new folks coming to prove their grit and not yet disillusioned

stern prairie women who don’t take guff and are trying to raise a family and/or trying to survive

Travelers With No Name

bandits and bankrobbers

town weirdos (isn’t that this whole town?)

pinkertons/undercover police/union breakers (technically also an official Job but not one you want to advertise, usually; these people are not well-liked for good reason in this time period; lots of blood on their hands)

bounty hunters

underpaid and overworked employees

overpaid and underworked managers

folks looking for a quick buck in a lawless west

folks looking for an honest living in a strange world

entrepreneurs (successful and failing)

inventors

folks with secret pasts

snake oil salesmen

Folks Who Don’t Take Kindly To Strangers Round These Parts

brothel workers who love their job

brother workers who hate their job

city folk what moved out to the country and don’t know what they’re in fer

town bullies and cronies (may be working for corrupt lawmen/robberbarons/mayors/gangs/independent)

and many more!

And remember that in small towns in the West, many people worked more than one job, or had jobs that weren’t exactly concrete. Jobs were often fluid: if you have experience shaping stone, you could be the town mason, or you could be the gravestone carver--who’ll also carve and shape stonework around town and give you a professional consultation if you’re doing your own or the stonework for a building is bad and they need to figure out why. A launderer who knows their way with fabric could also be the town tailor, as well as town textile seller, able to create dresses with the very fabrics they’re promoting. If the farrier knows enough about blacksmithing, their job might solely be making horseshoes, but they may sometimes get special orders for things that aren’t horseshoes, or may be asked to help with the gunsmith--or may BE the gunsmith, as well as farrier. 

Small western towns worked similarly to families, in the sense that whether or not it was your official title, if you could do a job, you did it. If you’re the town layer but you know horses inside and out, then you’re who people are gonna call if their horse gets sick.

[msbarrows]

Quilla, My Bestest Town Ever!

So after saying in the tags on my Banished post that went up Wednesday morning that I didn’t think there were many more of the accomplishments I wanted to try for, I promptly went and had a super-playthrough that got me 27 of the 36 possible, leaving me at 34 of 36. Holy crap this was a good town.

Started playing Wednesday afternoon, played through until it was already Thursday, then Thursday afternoon resumed, and continued playing until late Thursday evening. I initially had fairly minor plans; I wanted to try for Isolationist (300 citizens without building a trading post) and decided to combine it with One With Nature (400 citizens without building fields, orchards, or pastures) so I wouldn’t be wanting seeds or livestock, and therefor wouldn’t be tempted to build a trading post to trade for same. In looking further down the list of accomplishments, I figured that since I wouldn’t have a ton of villagers tied up in farming and animal husbandry, I might as well also try for the Miner and Mason accomplishments (have two mines or two quarries respectively, with 30 employees at each for 3 years - which seemed weird since mines and quarries only need 15 employees each (more on this later)). And then since I’d be doing so much mining and quarrying without using the results as trade goods... well, I might as well try for a few accomplishments based on those resources, like Blacksmith (equip a population of 200 with steel tools for 4 years), Highwaymen (build a town with 2000 stone paved road tiles) and Built From Stone (build a town with 100 stone houses).

Since I was trying for One With Nature, I also decided to start in hard mode, which gives you just 4 families, nothing pre-built, and no seeds or livestock. But to make things a trifle easier on myself I also went for a large map and a mild climate. And thus started Quilla (first screenshot). Using the stuff I’d learned up in earlier playthroughs, I laid out major building sites ahead of time (second screenshot), and it wasn’t long before I was creating my first extension on the other side of the river that zig-zagged through my map (third screenshot). I achieved Isolationist within the first 50 years, and ditto One With Nature. Along the way I’d also picked up Educated (Fully educated population of at least 200 adults for 4 years).

Now that I could build a trading post, I decided to aim for Farmer as well (have access to all 3 livestocks, 8 fruit & nut trees, and 8 crop types), because even with all the building I was doing, I had tons of trade goods available (fourth screenshot). At this point I was checking for other accomplishments I might as well knock off if conditions were right, like Golden Gate Bridge (a bridge at least 50 tiles in length - fifth screenshot). I achieved Built From Stone, Highwaymen, and Blacksmith, in the course of which I also knocked off Stonework (produce 10,000 blocks of stone within a 100 year period) and Ready for Anything (Simultaneously stockpile 2000 logs, 2000 fuel - not sure if that was firewood or coal or both - 500 stone, 500 iron, 200 tools, 200 coats, and 30k food). And that was the end of the first very lengthy playsession.

Today (Thursday, when I’m tyoing this, though it won’t be posted until Friday morning) I settled in to see what else I could manage to accomplishment. I hit Lumberjack pretty soon after (produce 10k logs within a 100 year period), and all my trading also saw Farmer finished off:

With that is was super-easy to get Food Variety (plant all types of fields and crops and harvest same within a single year... which sounds tricky once you know orchards take several years of growth before they start producing fruit and nuts, but is actually ridiculously easy if you already have mature orchards of all of them). You can see the cluster of orchards and fields I planted specifically for the accomplishment in the lower right area of the eigth screenshot (seventh shows how many carefullly-spaced-out docks I was developing along the river... and this is just one small stretch of them).

Along in there I also got Village (population of 600 citizens), Stylish (population of over 200 with warm coats for 4 years), Smelter (produce 10k iron within a 100 year period).

Now I was very purposefully setting up conditions for specific accomplishments I hadn’t originally planned on, like Exports (stock a trading post with at least 500 ale, 300 steel tools, and 200 warm coats), Master Builder (build a town with 3 churches, 5 boarding homes, 4 markets, 5 hospitals, 2 trading posts, 6 taverns, and a town hall), Master Trader (trade 100k units of stuff in one town - basically I bought a lot of stuff whether or not I technically needed it atm). I rolled over the 100 year mark and got Established (town of at least 300 citizens after 100 years). In fact shortly after that I got Town (reach a population of 900 citizens) because I also decided to take advantage of a couple large nomadic groups to get Immigrants (allow 200 nomads into a single town).

Then I also got Jack of All Trades (town of over 200 people with someone working in every profession for at least 5 years) and Livestock (have a town with at least 60 cattle, 75 sheep, and 180 chickens).

By this point I’d given up on the Miner and Mason accomplishments; I just couldn’t get conditions right for them, no matter what I tried, even after consulting google to try and figure out what I was doing wrong. By this point my town was bustling enough (and trading enough) that I needed more than just two mines and two quarries. So I gave up, built a bunch more of both... and a few years later got the accomplishments!? I think what the wording on them should have said was something along the lines of “have at least two mines/quarries, and at least 60 employees total working for 3 years” to get it. Because it sure didn’t happen when I had just two of each with 30 extra employees.

The final two accomplishments I gathered in were Tombstone (fill graveyards with at least 400 graves) and Firefighter (build 20 wells in a single town).

There’s just two accomplishments left, and I really, really do not feel like trying for either of them right now; one of them is 300 citizens without ever building a school (which I may attempt at some future date), and the other is having a population of 500 after 200 years. I... very much don’t feel like ever playing for 200 years - this town or a new one - especially considering I have already reached > 900 citizens. So I’m probably finished with Banished for now, since I have so many other games I picked up in the Steam summer sale to try out.

Though this was an extremely enjoyable (if lengthy) town to play.

[penname-artist]

Emergency - Chapter Six

Chapter Title: Wind’s in the east

Rated PG

[Planes fanfic]

-----

The sun was already beginning to set, turning the sky into a whole new palette of warm violets and soft oranges. Fireflies began to emerge from the grass surrounding the pond, floating around careless and free. “It’s a good thing Trigger is up for the night.” Blade commented, as he and Dusty began their trek back to the base. The day’s fishing was good, but not nearly as intriguing to Dusty as hearing Blade reminiscing about his past with Piston Peak. It made his own certification look like smooth sailing - well, the end of it, anyways.

“I can’t imagine what it was like, witnessing that first-tread.” “It’s part of being a firefighter. These are the kinds of things we can’t prepare for, but always have to learn to cope with.” “I’m glad I haven’t had to yet..” Dusty said. “I’m glad for that too,” Blade responded, “But someday you will; We all do. It’s a part of life. It ain’t pretty; Folks die. But for every life you lose, there’s dozens out there still you can save, if you chose not to give in to fear.” “Wow.” Dusty said, “You know, you can get really motivating and preachy when you want to be.” “Eh, old theater habit I guess.” The air boss said, with a noticeable hint of embarrassment on his part. “So...what kept you going then, after all that?” “Ah. Well, you see-” “there you are, about time!” Maru called, as the two aircraft approached the base. “Thought you died or somethin'! Was about to have the Smokejumpers go out to get you!” “Just sharing war stories.” Blade responded. “Oooh, someone gets special privileges!” Maru said, as though his sarcasm wasn’t obvious, “We all had to deal with the experience, you get to sit back and watch the recording!” “Yeah well I wasn’t even born then so I couldn’t have!” Dusty shot back. If Blade could have facepalmed he would have. “Don’t make me feel older than I already am, Champ.”

Though the SEAT hadn’t been a member of the Piston Peak Air Attack team for very long, he had grown pretty accustomed to the way they ran things. He had to, like everyone else did when they all showed up, or had to adapt to them when they changed - though he was pretty sure they’d always held some varying level of chaos in their systems. Actually, the team nowadays was less like a team, and more like a family. After losing a third of their staff at the beginning of Cad’s evil reign, what was left of their crew had to learn to make due with whatever - and whomever - they had, so in the process everyone became a lot closer to one another. It was surprising then, to Dusty at least, to see members who worked so baritone and seriously still seem to have such deep connections with their co-workers. Windlifter was by far the most confusing. “So did he tell you the whole story then, or just the ‘not-personal’ pieces?” Maru asked over the supper tables, sitting beside the Sikorsky. Both looked more intent on eating than actually conversing. “The whole thing, I think..” Dusty answered, glancing over to the air boss for a nod of confirmation. “Wow,” the tug said, in between mouthfuls of potato soup, “that is special privileges!” Blade just rolled his eyes. “Technically I didn’t.” He said, “I hadn’t gotten time to talk about how Wind got here.” The Sikorsky lifted his eyes to the other at those words, suddenly seeming to become invested in their conversation - though still steadily grazing on his bowl. “Wait, I thought he wasn’t a part of the team yet back then?” The SEAT questioned. “He wasn’t. Until that fall.” Blade said. “I remember it like it was yesterday.” The green chopper finally said.

-----

The red and white helicopter was more or less absent from the crew for the next couple of weeks following the accident. He’d become lethargic, something in all his life he’d never been, and had been actively skipping meals in the main hangar. But the team retaliated on him, poking and prodding wherever they could to try and urge the chopper to do something. But he was in a grey state right now, nothing good or bad seemed to come of it. It was all just as meaningless, just as dull. Life continued, yet flourished not. The idea of him trying to apply to become a battalion chief was, for the time being, withdrawn from his mind. What would become of every member of the team would rest squarely on the leader’s helm. He wasn’t ready for that commitment yet. Weeks later, still in the same rut of borderline depression, Blade was waiting in the workshop on a replacement tire - one had been punctured and gone flat - and while listening to Paul trying to find the right size, he picked up on his very familiar sounding whistled tune. “You were the one I was hearing last week!” He blurted. Paul’s whistling came to an abrupt end, and he looked up at the helicopter, befuddled. “When now?” “Last week, when I came back from..the call. Someone was singing that song.” “I don’t think I saw you at any point then, I thought you’d just gone to your hangar and passed out for a day.” “Might’ve. I don’t really remember the rest of that day much anyways.” Blade said flatly. “Point is though-” Paul said, placing a couple of tires down by the helicopter’s defective one - without knowledge of the right size wheel, he’d just have to do it the old fashioned way - “I don’t think it was me. I haven’t heard that song in ages, until one of the tree workers reminded me of it.” “Who?” “I dunno, one of the lumberjacks that was here.” The forklift told him. “What? When was that?” “Last week! You don’t remember?” Paul quirked an eyebrow in confusion, “We had some old trees cleared in the backside of the base so they wouldn’t fall on any hangars, that cliff’s been looking kinda rough lately.” “Oh..” Blade had to stop to think if anyone he hadn’t known was from the base were here, but came up blank. Paul must’ve been right, maybe after his apparent episode his instinct just led him to the hangar to pass out for the rest of the day. He wouldn’t have been surprised, it’s not the first time days had slipped past without his knowing. Still, you’d have thought he’d woken up to the sounds of unfamiliar vehicles working close to your sleeping quarters. The blue and white forklift finally found the right size tire for the helicopter’s landing equipment, and set to re-fitting it. Blade couldn’t help but wonder if the song he’d heard from then was one of those workers. It couldn’t have been, surely. But it had felt so real… The day was particularly hot, but so far nothing had come up as far as work was concerned, so Blade spent the first half of the day lounging. He’d found some comfortable places on the base, as well as off it (technically) that were great for sun-bathing. At least he wasn’t cooped up in his own hangar anymore. As the helicopter began to doze off from where he was perched atop a flattened out cliffside, he was startled awake to the sound of a chopper approaching in the distance. It wasn’t the sound of your normal chopper, he knew. The rotor beats were heavy and loud, and he could feel the minute rattle of the earth from their vibrations. It was the type of vibration only a larger aircraft could stir up, one the likes of Cabbie or some other heavyweight. Nose lifted to the sky, he could just barely make out the silhouette of a Skycrane over the treeline, obscured by the broad sunlight but visible nonetheless, headed towards the station. The curious copter made his way back down from the cliffside, headed towards the garage as the Skycrane closed in. “What’s the visit for?” He asked Maru, currently the only mechanic in the shop. “Dunno yet, we’ll see. I think he’s one of the guys that was here last week. You don’t see too many choppers like that around.” The tug said, over the growing sound of the rotor blades. Dust particles were blown around as the much larger helicopter touched down on the runway. He was a dark green Sikorsky, with a single, broad white line down his side, and a tribal pattern etched into it. The helicopter was the exact picture of calm and unphased, yet not in a distant or angsty manner. He had a kind set of features, even under his powerful and initially intimidating structure. “Welcome back!” Maru greeted, “Did you guys forget something?” “No,” the Sikorsky replied, nonchalantly, “I came to ask about your department applications.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi ! I recently read the fics "Uphill" and "A Hundred Crimson Sols", and I also remember reading "Perfomance in a leading role" a while ago, and I really loved them so I was wondering if you new other AUs where they have another job than in canon ? Especially ones where one of them is famous ? I love your blog btw, and you're so nice with everybody

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could recommend any true AUs? I feel like getting away from the canon setting. Thanks!

Anonymous said to inevitably-johnlocked: hi, do you have any coffee shop/different first meeting au fic recs? thank you! (:

Hi Nonnies!!

I hope you don’t mind that I put y'all together, since y’all are looking for pretty much the exact same thing! Funny because these all came in around the same time, LOL. I’ve SO many AU’s, but I’ve those ones sorted too, and Nonny 1, you’ve got a good suggestion here for today’s AU list, so we’re gonna go with Other Professions, which works great for Nonny 2′s request as well!! 

And Nonny 1, thank you very much for your kind words! I’m not THAT nice, but I try, LOL

Nonny 3, I’ve added in the “see also” some fics you may also enjoy! Believe it or not, I’ve never read a coffee shop AU fic. I think it’s because they’re mostly Unilock and I don’t really care for unilock :P (I like my John and Sherlock older because I can then relate to them :P)

I’ve also added some fics on my MFL list since I like making long lists LOL LOL.

ALTERNATE PROFESSIONS

See also (for First Meeting Nonny):

Fairy Tales and Fantasy

TV, Movies, and Books AU (Fantasy Pt. 2)

Magical Realism Where John is the Powerful One

Lumberjack John / Botanist Sherlock

WWII AU’s

Faes / Faeries

Alternate First Meetings (Canon-Feeling)

First Meeting Via Internet / Phone / Letters

Angel John 

Ghosts / Figments

School Fics

Soul Mates and Soul Bonds

Omegaverse

where the good things grow by anchors (M, 7,066 w. || Tea Shop AU || Alternate First Meeting, Magical Realism, Gardens, Tea, Friends to Lovers) – “I have a magic garden.” As come-ons go, John’s heard worse.

He’s Not Paid Enough to Deal with This Shit by janonny (T, 9,828 w. || Personal Assistant AU || Humour, First Meetings, Snarky John) – One of the first things John did was to write up step-by-step instructions on how to conduct a proper job interview before handing it over to Mycroft for his perusal. There were no kidnapping, deserted car parks or stolen therapy notes anywhere on that list. (Or the one where John returned from the war and ended up working for Mycroft as his personal assistant slash doctor on retainer. Everything was fine, until he was sent to post bail for one Sherlock Holmes.)

The Nutcracker by Odamaki (T, 13,758 w. || Nutcracker AU ||  Christmas, Dark Magic, Dolls) – Sherlock is unimpressed with Uncle Rudy’s present. A doll? What does he want with a doll?

Software Malfunction by tiger_in_the_flightdeck (E, 16,679 w. || Android Sherlock, Love Story, Unhappy Ending, Angst) – “You think I can’t love you? Just because you’re made with metal, and detailed programming?” The doctor propped himself on his elbow, and looked down at it. “I am nothing but blood and bone, and tissue. Things just managed get mashed together in a manner that made me like this. Just like you were put together to make you how you are. When I kiss you-” he did so, briefly, to prove his point. Then more deeply, and lingering, because he could. “When I touch you, or smile at you, does it make you feel different from when others have done it in the past?”

Pleasure to Burn by scullyseviltwin (E, 17,863 w. || Firefighter AU, Firefighter John / Arson Investigator Sherlock, Slow Burn, Pining, Case Fic-ish) – “If you’d kindly stop knocking about in there and destroying all of my evidence, it would be most appreciated!” John groaned and for a moment rested his head against the side of the truck. Of course he was the only captain left on the scene, which meant he would have to be the one to deal with the arson investigator.

Uncharted Territory by J_Baillier (T, 19,603 w. || Dystopian Future / Black Mirror AU || Angst, Drama, Homophobia, Bisexuality, Technology, Humour, Romance, Near Future, Happy Ending) – The System puts people through a series of assigned relationships in order to determine who their Perfect Match is. John believes that it works; Sherlock really, really doesn’t. One of them is probably going to be wrong.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara’s American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she’s also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she’s placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

The Boy Who Drank Stars by kinklock (E, 36,157w. || Howl’s Moving Castle AU || Witches and Wizards, Slow Burn, Magic, Jealous John, Happy Ending, Bed Sharing) – “I’m looking for a castle,” John informed the scarecrow. “A moving one.”Except that, as it turned out, it was not a moving one at all.

The Soul Remembers by i_ship_an_armada (E, 43,636 w. || Oblivion AU || Post-Apocalypse, Movie Fusion, Science Fiction, Action/Adventure, Angst, Dreams, Bittersweet Ending) – John Watson is the lone security repairman stationed on a desolate, nearly-ruined future Earth. His dreams are plagued by a tall, dark-haired man, and when his dreams meet reality, he will be forced to question everything he believes is the truth about his life.

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

A Hundred Crimson Sols by elldotsee (E, 55,536 w. || Astronauts AU || Mars Exploration / Space Travel, Slow Burn, Shy Sherlock, Scientist Sherlock / Biomed Engineer John, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, UST, Angst with Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, Suicidal Ideation, Zero-G Sex) – Will Holmes is a chemical researcher recognized widely for his contributions to the new Mars exploration program. Thanks to his ground-breaking developments, the IMMC (International Mars Mission Corporation) is one step closer to Martian colonization. Will and his team of scientists are headed out on the first of three manned missions before the first group of settlers arrive. Three days before launch, one of the crew has to be replaced. Will panics because…new people. The replacement is of course one John Watson, biomedical engineer and space hottie who was pretty sure he had retired from actual space exploration and was now content to work in the nice, quiet research lab. Can the crew survive this TOTALLY ROUTINE trip? Will they be able to endure each other for the looooooong trip in close quarters? Gonna be a wild ride… prepare for blast off. Part 1 of the SpaceBois go to Space series

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hill AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant – but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief…

Uphill by scullyseviltwin (E, 77,750 w. || Olympics AU || Sherlock POV, Skier!Sherlock / Medic!John, Rivalry, 2014 Olympics, Happy Ending) – Sherlock Holmes is striving for gold in this, his fourth and final Olympics as a downhill Alpine racer.

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he’s a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover’s trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world’s highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

The Baker Street Nativity by SwissMiss (E, 99,662 w. || Nativity! AU || Teacher Sherlock / TA John, Pining, Sherlock POV, UST, Angst, Christmas, Music/Song Fic, Anal / BJ’s, First Kiss / Time) – Fusion between Sherlock (BBC) and Nativity! (2009 movie starring Martin Freeman). Sherlock is a primary school teacher and John is assigned to be his classroom assistant. Together, they are charged with putting on the school’s Nativity play. What could possibly go wrong? Part 1 of The Baker Street Nativity Verse

The Cost of a Wish by slashscribe (E, 102,493 w. || xxxHolic Fusion || Spirits / Ghosts and Magic, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Soul Mates / Fated Lovers, Adventure, Immortal Sherlock, Powerful John, POV John, Frottage, Wish Granting, Angst with Happy Ending, Nightmares) – John has been plagued by a secret his entire life that has made him feel hopeless until he meets a mysterious, seemingly omniscient man named Sherlock Holmes who owns a wish-granting shop. Their meeting sets off a series of inevitable events that will change the course of both of their lives forever.

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w. || FutureAU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

A Study in Winning by Jupiter_Ash (E, 106,658 w. || Tennis AU || John POV, Dirty Talk, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Happy Ending, Sherlock Speaks French, Switchlock, Wimbledon) – John and Sherlock are professional tennis players and it’s Wimbledon. One is a broken almost was at the end of his career, the other an arrogant rising star tipped for greatness. It should have been a straightforward tournament. It really should have been. How were they to know that a chance encounter would change everything? Part 1 of Tennis

Eyes Up, Heels Down by CodenameMeretricious (E, 107,845 w. || Sports Equestrian AU || Fluff, Angst, Humour, Rider!Sherlock, Groomer!John, Show Jumping, Slow Burn, Happy Ending) – Sherlock is a top eventing rider currently training at Baker Farms. John is the new groom who’s been told to steer clear of the surly rider and his horses. Part 1 of Baker Farms

The Swan Triad by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers’ attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship’s surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there’s more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin’ the eye, he has to choose… is it a pirate’s life for him?

The Horse and his Doctor by khorazir (T, 129,003 w. || Horse / Vet AU || Magical Realism, Horses, Vet John, Horse Sherlock, Implied Alcoholism) – Invalided after a run in with a poacher in Siberia, veterinary surgeon John Watson finds it difficult to acclimatise to the mundanity of London life. Things change when a friend invites him along to a local animal shelter and he meets their latest acquisition, a trouble-making Frisian with the strangest eyes and even stranger quirks John has ever encountered in a horse.

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Actor / Hollywood AU || Slow Burn, Falling in Love, Secret Relationship, Coming Out) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

Gimme Shelter by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (E, 159,368 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE ||70′s Surfer AU || Period Typical Homophobia, Hawaii, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Professional Surfers, Gay John / Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, John was a Sailor, Misunderstandings) – All John Watson wants is the feeling of a freshly waxed surfboard under his feet and the hot California sun baking down onto his back. To finally go pro in the newly formed world of professional surfing and leave the dark memories of his past behind him as he rips across the face of a towering blue barrel. To lounge beside the beach bonfire every evening with an ice cold beer tucked into the cool sand beside him and listen to Pink Floyd and the Doors while the saltwater dries in his sun bleached hair. That’s all he wants, that is, until the hot young phenom taking Oahu and the Hawaiian shores by storm steps up next to him in the sand in the second round of the 1976 International Surf Competition. (PUBLISHED AS ‘The Sea Ain’t Mine Alone’)

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn’t have much choice. There’s only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

MARKED FOR LATER

(these are fics I have in my MFL list for future reading and have not read them yet. Read at your own discretion).

My, She Was Yar by blueink3 (M, 5,313 w. || Cinema AU || Teenlock, Mention of Sex for Drugs, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending) – YAR: adjective; (nautical term, of a sailboat) agile, quick, easily manoeuvred. Or, the exact opposite of what Sherlock Holmes is when he stumbles into John Watson’s cinema and turns his life upside down. Part 7 of the Tumblr Prompts series

come be my april fool by a_different_equation (M, 6,473 w. || Great British Bake Off AU || Writer!Sherlock, Est. Rel., Fluff / Humour, Baking, Marriage Proposal, Military Kink, Domestics, POV John, Romance, Sherlock Wears Glasses, Sweet Sherlock, Bookstores, Queer Themes) – After leaving ‘The Great British Bake Off’, Sue Perkins has written a book about Victorian baking. Tonight, on April 1st, she is reading at ‘The Bard’, Mike Stamford’s bookstore in central London. It is the exact same spot where John Watson, battered and bruised, had learned all about his magnificent bastard – one Mr. Sherlock Holmes, famous gay crime fiction writer – for the first time. A story about found family, DRAMAtical lesbians, how to react when your boyfriend has a military kink but he doesn’t want to act on it, oh, and popping the question. Sequel to ‘i read your book, you magnificent bastard’. Part 2 of Magnificent Bastard!AU

Idle Hands by kinklock (E, 7,226 w. || Deaf Sherlock, Phone Sex, Alternate First Meeting, Dirty Sign Language) – While working as a video sign language interpreter for the deaf, John’s last client of the day asks him to interpret a highly unusual call. (aka deaf Sherlock wants to call a phone sex hotline AU)

What To Do With An Atypical Animal Within by HarveyDangerfield  & swimsalot (E, 7,804 w. || Harry Potter AU || Animagus, Porn With A Little Plot, Tail Porn) – Sherlock is determined to be an animagus. But what happens when it isn’t a fox or a horse or a dog he’s turning into?

Dead Letter Office by a_different_equation (M, 20,364 w. || ‘Bartleby’ Fusion / Office Setting AU || Different First Meeting, Epistolary, John’s Blog, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pre-Canon, John Watson is Sherlock’s Boss, PTSD John, Military Backstory, Writer John, Drug Use, Texting) – John Watson comes home from the war, gets a new job and meets Sherlock Holmes through Mike Stamford. Same tale since 1891, except this time it’s 2008, John is Sherlock’s boss, and they work together at the Dead Letter Office in London. It’s not a love story, until it finally is.

we have never seen a greater day than this by Lediona (T, 24,904 +w. || WiP || Royal Night Out AU || WWII / VE Day, Meet Cute, Prince Sherlock / Soldier John, Alternating POV) – Peace. At long last. It’s VE Day and Prince William desires to join the celebrations. It is a night of excitement, danger and the first flutters of romance.

Aquiver by Junejuly15 (M, 25,852 w. || Fashion Designer AU || PA John Watson / Fashion Designer Sherlock, Sherlock’s Feelings, Romance, UST, Arrogant Sherlock, Drug Use, Confessions, Protective Mycroft, Parties, BAMF John, Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time) – Sherlock Holmes is a successful and arrogant fashion designer and John Watson his new PA. Of course, sparks fly between them.

False Advertising by ravenscar (E, 27,722 w. || Office AU / Devil Wears Prada Inspired || Victor Trevor, Flashbacks, Hurt / Comfort, Angst with Happy Ending, Younger John/Older Sherlock, Marriage Proposal) – Sherlock is John’s boss and mentor at an advertising agency. Can they find love in the cut-throat workplace?

Out and Loud by paradigmfinch (M, 28,233 w. || Popstar AU || Dancer/Ballet Sherlock / Singer John, Fluff, Falling in Love, Mutual Pining, Jealousy) – John Watson is a 22 year old pop star who’s about to come crashing out of the closet.Sherlock Holmes is a reluctant fanboy auditioning to dance in his next music video. Part 1 of Out and Loud

Looking Glass Cabaret by lymphadei (E, 30,874 w. || Cabaret AU, Alternate First Meeting, Drag Queen John, Fluff and Smut, Drama, PWP) – Lady Grey leant up on her toes, her hands on either side of his neck to steady herself as she pressed her lips against Sherlock’s ear. “I wouldn’t say a devil, Mr Holmes, but I’m definitely not on the side of the angels.” Then, she pulled back slightly to place a lingering kiss on his cheek. Part 4 of the Interpersonal Affairs series

Through Dangers Untold by hogwartswitch (E, 32,003 w. || Labyrinth AU) – The Goblin King has fallen in love with John Watson and visits him in dreams. But the evil wizard who cursed the Goblin King cannot allow that to continue. Will John survive the labyrinth? Or will he become a lost goblin like all the rest?

An Everlasting Inferno by thatawkwardfriend (M, 35,011+ w. || WiP || Criminal AU || Different First Meeting, Minor Character Death, Gun Violence, Sherlock Whump, Friends to Lovers / Enemies to Lovers, UST, Mutual Pining) – Sherlock and John are both men who operate outside the law. John works for Mary and her hitmen in order to keep a roof over his head. Sherlock does anything his drug dealer asks of him in exchange for free drugs and housing. They meet one night in a darkened garage to negotiate a deal. But they soon find out that neither of their bosses are being entirely honest with them about their goals or motives. With a little poking around, they stumble upon something much bigger than themselves and discover that perhaps, it might be in their best interests to work together. (Loosely inspired by StartUp and Little Favour)

Leveling Up by philalethia (M, 36,961 w. || Video Gamer AU || Different First Meeting, Epistolary, Gaming, Internalized Homophobia, Sexuality Crisis, Past Drug Use) – John plays video games, Sherlock writes a guide on GameFAQs, and they get on quite well together… eventually.Told entirely through emails, text messages, and voice chats.

Learning Curve by thpontiacbandit (M, 41,422 w. || Teacher / Parent AU || America, Fluff and Smut, Parentlock, Frottage) – John is a Kindergarten teacher. One of his students, a boy named Henry Holmes, refuses to speak in school. John is determined to get to the bottom of it, and that is how he meets Sherlock Holmes.

Fly Very High by yalublyutebya (E, 46,533 w. || Formula One AU || Rivalry, Permanent Injury, Hate / Angry Sex) – John Watson was born to be a racing driver, and even a crash isn’t enough to keep him out of a car for long. But coming back is not that easy, especially when he meets his new teammate, Sherlock Holmes.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock’s closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don’t need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Doubtful Comforts of Human Love by PoppyAlexander (M, 61,500 w. || Ballet / Rugby AU || Ballet Sherlock / Rugby John, Est. Long-Term Relationship, Marriage, Case Fic, Blow Jobs, Implied Infidelity, Angst, Dirty Talk, Violent Outbursts, Arguments, Relationship Discussions, Love Letters, Grand Gestures, Hopeful Ending) – UK Ballet principal dancer Sherlock Holmes and assistant rugby coach John Watson met and fell in love as ambitious, optimistic teenagers. Twenty years on, they are entering midlife, facing the break-down of their bodies and the ending of their careers, and contemplating what the future holds for two middle-aged men forced to start over. With a frightening crisis unfolding at the Ballet, Sherlock must balance the demands of his career, his friendships, and his marriage with his own struggle against bitterness and discontent, while John takes a long-overdue glance from the outside, in, and stutter-steps toward making a kind of peace.

The Craving in Between by love_in_mind_palace (E, 69,349 w. || Wedding Planner AU || Infidelity, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Sexting & Texting, Alternating POV, Mary is Not Nice) – Sherlock Holmes, The wedding Consultant. Picky about his projects and a nightmare to work with. Rejects ninety percent of the couples after just having a look at them and can predict how long a marriage will last. But when unassuming, plain, John Watson reluctantly limps his way in his office, with his more than enthusiastic fiancée, Mary Morstan, instead of dismissing the ill-assorted couple on the spot, he promptly decides that the project, and the groom.. are definitely worth working on.

Philia and Eros by distantstarlight (E, 84,660 w. || Historical AU || Friends to Lovers, Time Travel, Kilts, Possessive Behaviour, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Implied Rape/Non-Con) – Love is timeless but time isn’t necessarily linear. John Watson and Sherlock Holmes are about to embark on an unintended adventure that will take them far away from the comfortable confines of 221 B Baker Street. Part 1 of Strange Paths

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn’t truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes.” Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Cake and Other Sins by Indybaggins (E, 100,670 w. || Great British Bakeoff AU || Alternate First Meeting, Angst, Baking, Desire, Disability, Incest (Holmescest/Holmescest with John), Masturbation, Falling in Love, Oral, Outdoor Sex, Past Drug Use, Poisoning, Voyeurism) – Sherlock and John meet as competing bakers on The Great British Bake Off. There’s intense baking, lush recipes and enticing food. Mycroft, guilt, past sins in chocolate and gingerbread. And love. That too.

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w. || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel.) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it’s a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Emperor Tales of the Frozen South by cwb (M, 153,444 w. || Penguin AU || Adventure, Rituals, Fluff, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Gay Rights, Bonding, Antartica) – At the bottom of the world, two intrepid explorers make their way in the harshest of environments. An important journey must be taken, and prophecies fulfilled, but not before family meddling, political interference, and self-doubt threaten to alter the future of an entire species.If you know me at all, you know that this had to be done. Part 1 of Emperor Tales of the Frozen South

The Jewel in the Tower by PoppyAlexander (E, 207,079 w. || Dystopian AU, Violence, Rape/Non-Con Elements, Mild Dub Con, One World Government, Class Issues, Assassin John / Geisha Sherlock, Self Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, Espionage, Miscommunication, Sexual Fantasy, Masturbation, Letters/Texting, Phone Sex, Infidelity, First Time, Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Injury Recovery, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Scars, Misgendering, Happy Endings) – In a contemporary dystopia, Unity is peace – despite the fact unsanctioned information, illicit currency, and every sort of danger flows unchecked in the world’s pleasure districts. John Watson, a weary hired gun, is assigned by the mysterious Mentor to investigate a subversive element lurking in the Icehouse, the world’s most famous House of Repose. As accustomed as he is to dealing with the unexpected, John is nevertheless woefully unprepared to meet the gem of the Ice house, Xie, the world renowned “drashaskaya,” the living work of art after which all other drashas are modeled. In sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night, John soon learns that nothing is as it seems in the floating world of London’s pleasure district. (PUBLISHED AS “At Night in the Floating World”)

You Go To My Head Series by 7PercentSolution and J_Baillier (E, 257,765+ w. across 8 Stories, WiP || Surgeon AU || Medical Realism, Doctor John / Doctor Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Addiction, Angst, Slow Burn, PTSD, Pining, Insecurity) – This series is an alternate universe one, featuring the exciting medical and romantic adventures of doctors Watson (senior neuroanaesthetist) and Holmes (neurosurgeon).

Enigma by khorazir (M, 289,667 w. || Codebreaker / WWII / Imitation Game-Inspired AU || Case Fic, Espionage, Period-Typical Homophobia / Sexism, Pining Sherlock, Inexperienced / VirginSherlock, Implied / Referenced Drug Use, Non-Graphic Violence) – It’s the autumn of 1941, war is raging in Europe, German U-boats are raiding Allied convoys in the Atlantic, the Luftwaffe is bombing English cities, and the cryptographers at Bletchley Park are working feverishly to decode their enemies’ encrypted communications. One should consider this challenge and distraction enough for capricious codebreaker Sherlock Holmes. But the true enigmas are yet waiting to be deciphered: an unbreakable code, a strange murder, and the arrival of Surgeon Captain John H. Watson of the Royal Navy.

Deflowered - Director’s Cut by Lorelei_Lee (E, 328,535 w. || Mafia / Mob AU || Rape/Non-Con, Dub-Con, Boss John/Rentboy Sherlock, Bottomlock, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous John, Prostate Milking, Sounding, Anal Beads/Plug, Anal Sex / Fingering, Spanking, Begging, Blow Jobs, Riding Crops, Begging, Romance, Desperation, Minor Character Death, Implied Self Harm, Violence) – It should have been strictly business. Being a Mafia boss with a sadistic sexual streak, John had long since realised that his playthings were in it for the money only. Being a masochistic rent boy, Sherlock seemed too good to be true. Little did they know…

[earlgraytay]

social anomie and alienation aren’t great. if most people in the world don’t know what they want to do with their lives, that is a bad thing. but you know what’s worse? that same social anomie and alienation happening behind closed doors, with the threat of what you’re ‘supposed’ to do hanging over your head. 

if you’ve ever met a group of single mormon women in their late ‘20s, you’ll know exactly what i mean. fuck, if you’ve met a group of mormon women in their late ‘20s in general you’ll know what i mean. there’s this pervasive sense of quiet desperation: “i don’t know what i wanted out of life, but it wasn’t this.” 

even the women who did everything ‘right’- got married between the ages of 18 and 20 to a young man they met in college after he served his mission, had between 2 and 5 children, live as a homemaker in a nice house in the suburbs, go to the temple/pray/read their scriptures regularly, go to church every week- even they are unhappy. they say things like “i could have been anything i wanted, but i chose to raise children”, or “i wanted to be a [vocation] but god had other plans for me”. and behind closed doors, they take xanax or get high on pain meds and try to deal with the responsibilities they’re stuck with.

they did everything they were ‘supposed’ to do, but it wasn’t what they really wanted. so they’re miserable and alienated and feel alone, even though they ‘have’ a strong faith community and a society that encourages/strongarms them into a particular social role. 

 i honestly think alienation isn’t a problem isolated to the modern-day West. it’s just that after 1918 people started talking about it, because the War and the Flu destroyed everything people knew about how things ‘should’ be. if you’re stuck in a world you can’t change, surrounded by people you hate? no shit you’re going to feel alienated and isolated, whether you’re a mediaeval dirt farmer or a ‘20s jazz swinger or a Silicon Bay programmer. 

i also think that some of our problems with anomie are caused by a) having too many vocations you can pursue while b) systematically devaluing every single one of these vocations. it’s harder than ever to decide what you want to be when you grow up, and literally everyone in a kid’s life is going to try to push them away from stuff that could be meaningful. 

want to be a firefighter/policeman/construction worker/lumberjack/fisherman? those are blue-collar jobs, they’re icky (and if you happen to be unlucky, you get told you can’t do them ‘because vagina’). want to be a baker/florist/tailor/chef/nurse? those are blue-collar jobs, they’re icky (and if you’re unlucky, you get told you can’t do them ‘because penis’). 

want to be a writer/artist/filmmaker/actor/puppeteer? “good luck saying ‘you want fries with that?’!”, with a side of ‘that’s for girls/boys’. want to be a scientist/programmer/engineer/doctor/astronaut? good luck being told ‘you’re not smart enough’, with a side of ‘you can’t do this if you have a vagina’. 

want to be a professor? a homemaker? a stay-at-home parent? an entrepreneur? a stripper? a lawyer? no matter what you pick, you’re gonna get shoved away from it in ways both big and small. 

our society as it currently exists is designed to funnel people into white-collar office work. and while that kind of work is necessary, a) a lot of it doesn’t actually provide any value and b) most people do not find it very satisfying.

an author i like coined the term ‘voker’- someone who does what they love for the love of the thing. right now, it’s very, very hard to be a voker- because of the pressures of capitalism, because sexism, and because our society does not value Love Of The Thing, it values Joyless Work.  

i suspect if we made it easier to be a voker, a lot of our problems with social anomie would dissipate like smoke on the wind. 

[shireness-says]

The Hazards of Hot Neighbors and Stubborn Roommates

Summary:  Elsa Arendelle is instantly attracted to her new neighbor. But the whole thing is complicated by her roommate's own love life. A Frozen Jewel companion piece to The Perils of Firemen and the Food Network. ~4.3K. Also on AO3.

A/N: For @kmomof4, who accidentally gave me this idea when she asked for more of The Perils of Firemen and the Food Network. Hope this lives up to the hype! 

Special thanks to @awkwardnessandbaseball, my delightful beta. You’re the best.

Somehow, this turned into the most suggestive thing I’ve ever written? I don’t know. Whoops. Still no smut, but rated M. 

Tagging: @aerica13, @branlovesouat, @searchingwardrobes. If anyone wants to be tagged on future stuff, shoot me a message, and I’ll start a list.

Without further ado, enjoy!

Elsa meets the dreamboat on a Tuesday evening.

(She can already hear that voice in her head that sounds an awful lot like Anna snorting ungracefully at her use of the phrase, but she stands by it.)

It’s been a long day, and she’s still loaded down with files for her to work her way through tonight. It’s research for this big case she’s working on; entirely boring, entirely necessary. Her current plan for surviving the ordeal is lots and lots of wine. Which is probably the most adult thought she’s ever had in her life.

Stepping into the elevator, she’s so ready to just hit that 4 button and go home, when she suddenly hears a commotion by the entrance. Well, maybe commotion is too strong a word. No one is being attacked, or trying to force their way into the building, or any number of other reasonable situations to use the word ‘commotion’ (God, she’s probably read too many legal briefs if this is where her mind goes). This particular commotion is one man trying to wriggle his way through the lobby doors with a stack of boxes, and all the noise that accompanies such an action.

Elsa won’t lie - she’s tired, her feet are killing her, and she’d really like to press the door close button. But she may need to have the door held for her one day, and anyway, it’s probably not the best way to start her interactions with this new neighbor. So she holds the door open button, and waits for the guy to scootch his way into the elevator.

“Thanks,” he says in a deep, accented voice, readjusting the load in his arms. “I wasn’t looking forward to holding these any longer than necessary. Five, please.”

Peering his head around as she presses the button, Elsa finally gets a good look at his face. And Lord, is she glad she does. He’s a gorgeous specimen of man - broad-shouldered and strong, with sandy curls and blue eyes she could swear were twinkling, like some kind of fairy tale prince. And his arms… Elsa is sure she’s being less than polite and gawking, but the way he’s supporting his stack of boxes perfectly displays his biceps beneath his short sleeves. Emma may tease her for having a thing for lumberjacks and mountain men, but to Elsa, there’s just something about a man who looks like he works with his hands, who has the calluses and muscles to prove it. And this man, the new tenant, is a prime example.

He offers her a sly smile - and God, even a bit smug, it’s a great smile, one that really suits his face - and Elsa frantically searches for words, flustered at having been caught staring. “Moving in?”

(Smooth. Real smooth.)

He offers her a warmer smile all the same, much to Elsa’s relief. “Aye, 5E, my brother and I just signed the lease. I’m Liam, by the way - I’d offer you a hand to shake, but…” he trails off, smile turning cheeky.

“Elsa, 4E. I suppose you’ll be our upstairs neighbor then?”

“Seems so. We’ll keep it down, I promise.”

Elsa chuckles, taking a final moment to imprint his features as the elevator doors slide open. “Well, it was very nice to meet you, Liam in 5E. I’ll see you around?” Her voice, traitor that it is, takes a turn for the hopeful at the end of her sentence, and she only hopes she doesn’t look a complete fool.

Liam doesn’t seem put off by it if she does, at least, offering a final smile before the door closes. “Aye, you will.”

(And then the door closes, and Elsa’s left to collect the rest of her scattered composure.)

------

Emma, of course, is already plopped on the couch when when Elsa slips in the front door, and immediately notices her distraction.

“What’s up with you?” Emma all but demands.

Elsa just waves her off, toeing off her suede heels in the entryway and trying her best not to make eye contact. “Don’t worry about it. Anything up with you?”

Emma, thankfully, is good enough to ignore whatever is up with her roommate, shrugging casually and digging into the microwave meal in her hands. Looks like ravioli tonight. “Nothing much. Trying to track down where this latest douchebag might turn up. Think someone’s moving in upstairs, there’s been a lot of scraping and whatnot up there.”

Elsa’s distracted flipping through the mail, which is her only excuse for why the next words slip out. “Yeah, I met one of them in the lobby. Nice guy.”

Emma’s head jerks back to attention in Elsa’s direction, a devious grin on her face that Elsa is sure Emma would resent if the tables were turned. “Oh? Is that why you seem so distracted?”

Elsa can feel seemingly all the bloody in her head rush directly to her cheeks, eliminating any chance of denying the truth of Emma’s question. Her roommate knows it too, smiling smugly before continuing her interrogation.

“It is, isn’t it? Oh, I’m going to have to meet the guy who can rattle stoic Elsa Arendelle. He’s got to be cute to get you this shaken up, right?”

Cue another rush of blood to her face. Damn her Norwegian genes, she must look like a blonde tomato at this point.

“C’mon,” Emma wheedles, apparently committed to breaking out her best Ruby Lucas impression this evening. “Don’t leave me in suspense.”

With a deep breath, Elsa finally confesses. It’s apparently the only way to please her roommate. For a woman who really hates people asking about her own love life, Emma seemingly has no qualms about meddling with Elsa’s. “Yes, he’s cute, alright? Really cute. He’s got fantastic arms and the bluest eyes. Happy?”

“Very,” Emma announces smugly, before digging back into her dinner. That’s the thing with Emma Swan - if she’s gotten the information she wants, she doesn’t see the need to ask any further. Bless her for that, in this case. Elsa isn’t in much of a mood to elaborate further.

“Good. In that case, I wanted to talk to you about maybe upgrading our cable service…”

------

It’s almost a month before Elsa sees him again - a month that she does not spend looking for him every time she enters the building, no, not at all.

When they do finally run into one another, it’s at the worst possible moment, of course, when Elsa’s on her hands and knees in the lobby trying to gather up the files she dropped. She’s muttering curses to herself, just trying to gather everything up - at least it hasn’t rained, this could be a lot worse if the floor was wet - when suddenly, there’s another hand trying to gather everything up with her. A large hand. A male hand. A large, male hand, connected to the arm of Liam in 5E.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” he teases, blue eyes twinkling. Elsa couldn’t agree more. She’d like a lot of meetings, preferably not in this lobby, and not in her work clothes, and maybe with some mood music and generally without anyone being in danger of dropping things. Except maybe their pants. In a manner of speaking.

“Oh, don’t I know it,” she manages to stutter out, fully aware that her face has become a bright red beacon. Really, damn her Norwegian pastiness.

It does, however, get him to chuckle - a deep, rich thing that sets her insides all a-flutter as they work together to pick up the last of the pages, the occasional brush of fingers only encouraging the butterflies in her stomach.

“Thanks,” she says as the both straighten up, the stack of papers returned to their folder. She’ll worry about the proper order later.

“Not a problem, lass,” he replies, “it was my pleasure. It’s not everyday I get to play the gallant knight. Coming back from work late, I take it? Unless these are your leisure clothes.”

Elsa had been deeply uncomfortable in her tight dress and heels most of the day, but honestly had all but forgotten her discomfort in the time since Liam had entered her line of sight. Glancing down again, she’s pleased to note that she’s at least no horribly wrinkled. “Oh! Yeah, I stayed later than I should dealing with some paperwork. I do have less formal clothes, I promise.”

“I suppose I’ll have to see those sometime.”

Oh my God, is he flirting with her? He’s totally flirting with her. She thinks. Elsa isn’t really all that great at this whole thing, but she’s, like, 85% sure that his words combined with the roguish smile means he’s flirting with her. Which means he might like her too? Maybe? Wow, that’s new and different.

But it’s a good different, a great one in fact, so she gathers up all her courage to say something marginally flirty back:

“Well, I’ll have to make sure of it.”

------

It’s always the evenings. Without fail, if she’s going to see Liam from 5E, it’s when she’s coming home from work in the evening.

She learns he’s a firefighter the day he walks into the elevator with her, tired and smelling of smoke. He must read the concern in her face because he waves her off with an exhausted smile before she can ask why he smells like something burning.

(“Occupational hazard, I’m afraid. We work down at the local fire station, my brother and I - I’m the captain, actually. Sometimes that means I have to be on call, or sleep at the station, and sometimes it means I come home smelling like something’s still on fire. I’ve rather gotten used to it, I’m afraid.” His tone is almost apologetic, which really concerns Elsa.

“Oh, it’s no problem! Just… a little confusing to smell when I didn’t know the rest of the story.”)

He learns about her sister in London when she’s pacing the lobby, trying to finish the call rather than lose cell signal in the elevator.

(“I’m sure she could have found a perfectly lovely job with a stateside auction house or art dealer, but Anna’s always wanted to spread her wings and see the world. And I do have to admit, the stuff she’s dealing with in London is a lot more impressive than a lot of what is dealt with on this side of the Atlantic.)

Every night they see each other, it’s harder to talk for only a short snippet of time (regardless of how slow the building’s elevator is), and eventually, Liam starts walking her to her door. It’s a little ridiculous - for Pete’s sake, she’s already in the building, there’s not a safety issue or something - but they both ignore it in favor of spending just a little more time in one another’s company.

She’s actually just left Liam walking back to the elevator when she walks in her and Emma’s apartment to discover the younger Jones also inside, and Emma herself somewhat flustered by his presence. Which is probably valid, considering it turns out he climbed in through the window in response to Emma’s poor attempts at cooking. But Emma can hold her own, and Elsa can tell this is more than just disconcertion born of the unexpected situation. No - her roommate, prone to one-night stands and an impressive avoidance of feelings, likes Killian, finds him attractive, and doesn’t know what to do with it. Elsa gently tries to prod her to talk about the encounter, but Emma is stubborn, and changes the subject to avoid the matter.

They’ll work on that.

------

It’s been over two months of this emotional standstill - waiting for the other at the elevator and long, drawn-out talks and pretending that there’s no underlying attraction - when Elsa decides she’s sick of it. She gets enough of that just watching Emma with Killian. Elsa likes Liam, a lot, and she’s practically positive he feels the same. So one evening, as he’s talking about God only knows what (something his brother did, probably - Killian always seems to provide conversation fodder with his antics), she grabs Liam by the front of his damnably tight t-shirt and forcibly hauls him close enough to plant her lips on his.

There’s a short, muffled grunt of surprise, but Liam more than willingly joins in, kissing her with an insistance that Elsa relishes. Liam may be just her type, but Elsa’s always gone for nice boys, sweet boys, boys who kiss slowly and deliberately and delicately like she’s some fragile flower or precious gift. Liam may be that nice boy - nice man - too, a man with a charming smile who listens to her like every word from her mouth is fascinating and holds elevator doors so she doesn’t have to worry about rushing, but his kiss is a far cry from that: passionate and deep and determined in a way she might almost label aggressive if she wasn’t enjoying herself so damn much.

Somehow, he’s backed her into the wall beside her door, hands on her hips and crowding somehow even closer into her space. Their lips break apart for a minute to catch a breath, but he’s far from idle, mouthing along her jawbone in a way that makes Elsa’s head tip back in appreciation, barely stifling a moan. Almost against her conscious thought, her leg in its tailored pant is rising to hitch around his own thigh and create more space for him to occupy. As his hips willingly fill that space, flush with her own, their mouths reconnect and Elsa finds herself rocking forward, and forward, and forward…

It’s only a vague awareness of her surroundings that suddenly reminds Elsa that they’re still in the fourth floor hallway, grinding on one another like a pair of horny teenagers. And she is an adult. They both are. They can’t keep doing this, no matter how much she wants to…

And in a sudden epiphany, Elsa remembers:

Emma has that stakeout tonight, and won’t be home.

After that, it only takes a moment to push Liam away (to no small protest, she’s pleased to note, pained groans and chasing lips and all) and frantically dig the keys out of her briefcase to get the damn door open. When the final bolt clicks, Elsa turns to dramatically (and hopefully seductively) lean against the door, one arm still grasping the doorknob behind her back. She never does things like this; she may as well revel in the moment while it’s here.

“I’ve got the place to myself tonight…” she says, voice barely more than a hoarse whisper. Jesus, he really did a number on her with that kiss, didn’t he?

Liam’s eyebrow quirks; whether in amusement or interest, she can’t tell, but honestly, either will work for her purposes as long as it gets him inside and onto a flat surface. Any flat surface. She’s not picky. “Is that an invitation, lass?”

“If you want it to be.”

There’s no verbal response, but Liam steps back into her space to fuse their mouths once more, reaching to clasp the doorknob along with her and finally open the door.

And really, that’s enough of an answer, in and of itself.

------

They’re lying in bed in the aftermath, sweat pooling, breaths still uneven, hearts thumping frantically, when Elsa decides to just go ahead and address the elephant in the room. Turning her head to face Liam, he looks remarkably content; sprawled in her bed naked, one of his fantastic arms tossed over his eyes and brow. She could get used to such a sight, but she’s got to make sure that that’s something he wants too. Going into this, Elsa had been confident they were on the same page, but she’s always been a girl who looks before she leaps, and diving right in without discussing things first, like they’ve done now, makes her nervous.

“So…” she begins, eliciting a muffled hum from the man beside her. “Is this something we’re going to do again, or…”

Liam snorts, his whole body heaving with the effort. “I’m going to need a little time to recuperate, lass.”

“Oh my God,” she mutters. “Not like that, smartass.” Even if her wording really did leave that response wide open.

“I know.” There’s a pause. “I suppose… well, I know this meant something to me. I’ve fancied you for quite a while, lass, it just took you practically mauling me in the hallway to do anything about it. I know we’ve done this all in a bit of a round-about fashion, but would you like to get dinner sometime?”

Even laying naked in bed, after all the activities such a thing suggests, Elsa feels a sudden wave of shyness at his earnest entreaty. Resisting the urge to curl back in on herself, she rolls over to snuggle into his side instead, revelling in the feeling of his warm arm coming to encircle her waist. Meeting his eyes, she smiles. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

It surprises her when Liam exhales a sudden sigh, seemingly in relief. At her questioning hum, he elaborates. “It seems ridiculous now, but you wouldn’t believe how nervous I was to ask you out.”

It’s Elsa’s turn to offer her own snort, before tightening her own arm more securely across his torso. “Well, I was the one doing the mauling. That should have made it fairly obvious I’d accept.”

The smile that overtakes his face at those words is breathtaking, in it’s own small and quiet way. “I’m glad to hear it,” he murmurs, forehead coming to rest against her own as his arm snakes tighter around her bare waist.

“Good.”

And then they’re kissing again. The franticness of earlier has ebbed, the passion of new discovery subsiding into something more languid and sensuous. Neither of them are ready for another round (though God, does she want one later), but it’s an enjoyable occupation, and a fitting seal to their brief discussion.

It’s with a small reluctance that Elsa pulls away some minutes later, but there’s always the reassurance that they can pick up again. There’s an issue that needs addressing, though, and she’d rather deal with it now when they’re both happy and basking in that new relationship glow (okay, the post-sex glow too).

“I’ve got a favor to ask.”

“Anything, lass,” he murmurs, still nosing behind her ear to drop small, delicate kisses.

“Ok, I know this is going to sound stupid, but there really is a good reason, and I promise I don’t mean forever, just for the time being, so really -”

“You’re rambling, darling. It’s quite a cute nervous habit, really.”

“- I don’t want to tell Emma yet.”

That warrants a hard pause.

“I know that it’s probably really stupid, but she’s so damn stubborn and she’ll probably view us getting together as some weird prelude to a set-up she’ll resist on principle. I know she has a thing for your brother, and I think that will resolve itself within a couple weeks, just… Please?”

“You do realize if we don’t tell Emma, I can’t tell Killian either, right? They’re thick as thieves and he’s absolute shit at keeping secrets.”

“Please?”

Liam huffs and sighs, but finally nods in agreement. “Alright. But let’s hope they resolve this soon; I don’t relish the idea of keeping this to ourselves for too long.”

“Agreed.” Because really, Emma needs to get her ass in gear, before it gets truly ridiculous. “But in the meantime…” Armed with a new confidence in their budding relationship, Elsa straddles his still-naked hips, letting the sheets slip from her bare shoulders in a sensuous display.

Liam grins slowly, eyebrow quirking as he seems to catch where her mind has gone. “Aye?”

“In the meantime… Let’s see what I can do to make it up to you.”

------

It’s a wonderful new world, dating Liam Jones. It’s all the beautiful companionship of their previous friendship, but with the added bonus of amazing kissing and some really great sex. Liam seems to revel in taking her on proper dates, and they spend every chance they have together - in and out of bed.

The one drawback is the continuing Emma/Killian situation. They’re both so damn stubborn, and Elsa has long since learned that any attempts to engage Emma in a conversation about the man the the latter doesn’t start herself is absolutely fruitless. It would have been annoying, before, when Elsa was just trying to help her roommate come to terms with her own feelings; now, with the reveal of a relationship waiting on that acceptance, it’s downright infuriating.

“I wish they’d just do it !” she practically growls from the Joneses’ couch one evening, Liam and herself curled up pretending to watch Dial M for Murder on her favorite classic movie channel while Killian is on call at the fire station and Emma has a stakeout. The movie-watching endeavor was never destined to be successful; even without Elsa’s frustration with the non-existent progress in her friend’s relationship, they’d likely just be making out on the couch anyways, Liam making an admirable attempt to do just that only a few minutes ago by placing a series of increasingly insistent kisses along her jaw and neckline.

“I hate to be speaking in support of their lollygagging in any way, but we both knew they’d both need to get their in their own time, especially Emma,” he replies, ever her voice of reason. “I will say, I fully expected them to cave by now.”

“That’s exactly it!” she exclaims, throwing her hands up and nearly whacking Liam in the head in the process (he’ll live). “What the hell is taking them so long? Hurry it up already!”

But they don’t hurry it up, and they don’t cave. There’s just a constant dancing around one another, and a seeming increase in Emma avoiding her. It’s infuriating.

It finally comes to a head when Liam picks her up for dinner one night (well, as much as that term is applicable; he’s literally just walking down some stairs, not driving halfway across town to collect her), a gloom casting his usually calm and handsome face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Elsa asks, concerned. It’s wildly out of character for him to show up acting like this, and she almost worries about what that means for them. He adores you, she’s careful to remind herself. You’re not the problem.

Despite plans to find a little place to eat near the water, Liam comes in and crashes on the couch, already aware that Emma’s not home. “Apparently, Emma kissed Killian last night. And then ran out of there like the hounds of hell themselves were on her heels.”

“Shit,” Elsa somehow manages to say, sinking onto the couch herself. “She hasn’t said anything about it to me.”

“What are we supposed to do?” he all but demands. “Do we now have to go on pretending forever? Do we assume they’ll still eventually figure this shit out and get together? Or are we at lost cause stage? I have to be honest, I’m rather pissed at your roommate - Killian’s devastated, moping around the apartment like the world itself is ending.”

“I don’t know,” she mutters absentmindedly, still trying to process all the new information. Shit, what are they supposed to do, in light of this new development? “I guess we wait and see? Give it a week, see if the situation will resolve itself?”

“A week,” Liam repeats with finality. “But after that, I don’t care. It’s been long enough, we’ve been keeping this quiet for seven weeks. 2 months even is more than enough.”

“Okay, a week.” They really should get going - both are dressed and ready to walk out the door, but they sit there just a minute longer, trying to process their resolution and the events that led to it.

“Shit.”

------

“I kissed him,” Emma blurts out, and Elsa does her best to look surprised. She’s known for almost three damn days now; it’s hard to really muster up a look of true shock, but Emma’s flustered emotional state thankfully means she doesn’t pick up on her faking.

Honestly, Elsa is holding back a laugh the entire time. Emma’s been avoiding any relationship with Killian because she thought Elsa liked him? True, she did say the upstairs neighbor was cute, but there are two of them - even if Emma has never met Liam. That’s the only excuse Elsa can come up with - Emma has never met Liam, has never seen what he looks like, has never observed Elsa and Liam together. Otherwise she thinks it’d be so damn obvious which Jones she had meant was cute, that it’s almost laughable.

She only lets the laughter loose again when Emma rushes back out of the apartment, and that’s how Liam finds her a few minutes later - still shaking on the couch with subsiding laughter and wiping tears from her eyes because of it.

“I take it things went well with Emma, considering she’s about to jump my brother and you’re laughing your arse off down here?” he asks amusedly. Oh, how Elsa loves how he says ‘arse’ - it’s enough to send her into another fit of giggles.

Liam is increasingly confused as her laughter deepens, one eyebrow creeping higher and higher as he grins in that way he does when he doesn’t quite get the joke. “Really, lass, I must insist,” he finally interrupts. “What in the world is so funny?”

Honestly, she has to take a moment to catch her breath, holding a finger in the air in a waiting motion, trying to collect herself enough to speak. Finally, she bursts out - much the way Emma did, not half an hour earlier:

“She hasn’t been making any moves because she thought I was into your brother!”

The joke explained, Liam breaks into his own guffaw as his smile turns genuine, collapsing onto the couch beside her and pulling her slender body into his side. “Well, darling, is there anything I need to worry about?”

And who’s to blame her, if she sets about proving exactly how much he doesn’t need to worry?

[rametarin]

Capitalism will be more accessible.

With the commodification of robotics and standardizations of stuff like rugged, recyclable, non-toxic fabricated parts, it will become possible for people to tele-operate with tele-present drones to do jobs their normal bodies may never have allowed them to do.

Like underwater welding, for example. Not many whom can weld even want to do it, because it’s dangerous, scary, inconvenient, and requires a specialized skillset.

But imagine if instead of actually donning scuba gear, you could wear VR goggles and practice and train using robotic limbs. And you get good enough wielding the welder’s torch to do just as good a job with as steady a hand as your real ones. Suddenly, your ability to weld underwater isn’t based on your constitution, your disregard for personal safety. The right person for the job can now do it from the safety and creature comforts in a ship, their feedback and instructions fed by long, insulated cable down to machines operating down below the surface of the ocean.

Now, this will reduce the cost of the job associated with it due to its scarcity. More people able to do a job always reduces the value of it, unless suddenly having a million underwater welders meant they could build something truly amazing and make it worth paying that sum. But the point is, now you can do all kinds of work.

And for that matter, the same as any civilian person can own construction equipment, there’s no reason why a private person couldn’t field their own tele-present drone for stuff like construction, mine work, or security guard duty.

A million dirty jobs now become not just profitable, but more people will seek them out to do them. More profit and more productivity for less effort.

Quality inspection drones with on-board diagnostic and sensory tools. All that good shit.

Firefighting drones; a team and field of ten thousand fire extinguisher equipped drones that can fly up to burning buildings, invade the rooms by the windows and then just start spraying and scoping for survivors that need rescue, either by whisking them up and descending with them, or directly fighting the fire. You could have the equivalent of the entire country’s firefighting team logging in and have a literal army on standby at a moment’s notice.

There will now be absolutely no excuse for not doing the many many jobs that society struggles to find good people and warm bodies to fill, desperately. And now more people will be empowered to do them, with far less risk to life and limb, less medical insurance involved.

No more stepping on rancid rusty nails and getting tetanus, no more falling off of a tall scaffold and busting a pipe through your belly. No more falling into the sewer you’re cleaning and drowning.

The future is a mechanically empowered one where through the power of personally owned property and robots, tele-presence, nuclear power, an individual can ply their trade and with a minimum of investment and effort, make enough to feed themselves, clothe themselves and not be dependent on living locally to work and operate somewhere else. So a person dwelling in, say, Montana, will be able to fight fires with drones in New York.

People being able to take on employment in industries they never even imagined someone like a 4′0 asthmatic woman would be able to do. Like lumberjack. Being able to chop down a tree, clean it, load it up onto a truck.

All of this hinges on cheaper robotics, more technological literacy and modularity in manufacturing them. But suddenly gainful employment in more than the fast food service sector becomes possible.

[0xcusesfitness]

Meat Cleaver forearms

Meat Cleaver forearms

Dear Reader,

A year or so ago, I met someone outside a local high school in China – someone I’m good friends with until this date – and someone that did something that was quite surprising and a novelty for me as well.

What was this something?

Well, he took my hand in his massive paw to shake it and to be honest it felt like I had put my hand inside an industrial grade cement mixer to be honest.

Woah! I hear some of you saying. Aren’t you the gorilla grip guy? Aren’t you the guy that has very proudly proclaimed on multiple occasions that his gorilla grip exercises gave him a grip of steel – all without doing a single pull-up and a grip that routinely has most folks – including most gym rats – shaking their head in bewilderment as if to wonder how the “slim” guy packs such a punch in his grip?

True, my friend. True. I do indeed have a gorilla grip – hence I penned the manual – but THIS guy was more than, or at least a  match for it.

We jostled back and forth a bit doing out best to “pull” the other towards ourselves – something which was instinctual not just for me – but for him as well.

Seasoned readers of this email list will know who I’m referring to, but for the uninitiated?

Well, it’s a 6’1″ giant I’m referring to – a good friend of mine who I have the utmost respect for – a man that has served in the U.S Marines Corps for over 25 years – and a man who naturally has been into bodyweight exercise ALL his life.

A man who a herd of crazed, charging rhinos would think twice before messing with, especially given those lumberjack shoulders he’s got (hey, now THAT’s a good idea for a product, ain’t it? hehe) – and forearms that look as if they belong on an ironmonger.

And a man who features in Gorilla Grip as well, hehe. I couldn’t leave him out of there – especially not after the comments he made about my grip – all of which are true, by the way. No B.S. in any of that, as is the case with me in general as well as all my writings.

‘Twas this guy that sent me a strange looking photo the other night – strange looking at first glance, at least.

It was one of those photos “doctored” by the dumb phone with special effects. You know what I’m referring to, don’t you?

It was a normal picture – but “blurred out” and converted to “slatish grey” or some such color, and a silhouette was all that was visible – well, a man working on a laptop, but upon close examination I  knew who it was instantly.

What gave it away was the size- and shape of those FOREARMS – which try as you might, you cannot disguise.

Meat cleaver forearms as the case are, and those forearms in question belong to the friend I’m referring to – and once I saw those bulging forearms, there was NO question in my mind as to who was the “star” in the picture, hehe.

As I told my friend, “There ain’t no doubting who those meat cleavers belong to!”

Anyway, I haven’t caught up with him in a while, but the point of me telling you this?

Well, first off, this – that brawny, huge forearms that look like they belong on a butcher-blacksmith combo – and mammoth shoulders literally bursting with power are something that every male wants – but precious few actually end up GETTING.

And in terms of a strong grip, other than all the practical benefits, here’s one more for gym rats and pumpers/toners alike – the forearms, along with the neck are a part of the body that will ALWAYS be visible, no matter what type of clothing you wear.

You can try and disguise your belly by wearing loose fitting clothes, though it’s not going to disguise it fully.

You can try and disguise the “flamingo” look that many gym gorillas sport i.e. a massive upper body and reed like legs by clothing – and again, although it’s not really gonna work, you can at least try to some extent.

But the forearms and neck stand out no matter what.

You cannot conceal a pair of well developed forearms, my friend, and try as you might, the same goes for underdeveloped forearms.

And MOST, if not all of the exercises I note in Gorilla Grip and Gorilla Grip (advanced) are exercises my buddy swore by when he was in the military as well – exercises that work just as well for civilians, btw, and exercises that have kept him in the sort of shape that he is today at an age where most would call him “way past his prime”.

Exercises that you, my friend, would be WELL advised to take a look at, and try if you’re serious about developing grip strength – and judging from the reaction I’ve got from my previous grip training emails, it seems plenty are!

I’ll close this out with a quote from the book and sales page itself.

“I’ve never met anyone that grabbed my hand naturally with a kung fu grip like that!”

You’re right, my friend – and neither have I – so mucho respect in that regard, amigo – you truly DO know – and HAVE – that gorilla grip I keep referring to!

Last,  but not least, always remember that I state in Gorilla Grip, optimal results can only be obtained if you use the exercises in Gorilla Grip along with the regimens in 0 Excuses Fitness as a baseline.

You cannot do it any other way, my friend. You can only develop your grip to the fullest if you have a solid base to build upon – it just don’t work any other way.

OK, thats it for now. I’ve been “putting out fires” all day as it were, and now I’m off for some more firefighting. More later!

Best,

Rahul Mookerjee

P.S. – Believe it or not, my friend whose got years and years of experience doing bodyweight stuff was most keen to learn about the Hindu pushups and squats I mention in the System – both exercises he has NOT done before – but exercises that he’d love to try nonetheless. Fancy that, huh? A man who you’d think would “know it all”, but has the exact same OPPOSITE attitude. My hat off to you, my brother – and as for you folks reading this, if this doesn’t motivate you to get off yer duff and try out what I’m talking about – – well – – I’m not sure what will!

P.S. #2 – I’ve been getting my daughter to work the heavy bag these days (as I mentioned in a prior note) and boy is she getting into it!  More on that later as well …