#same with most white meat
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why is it that every time i eat anything my belly hurts >:( i'm gonna need you to stop doing that right fucking now.
#i think i shouls take one of those at-home celiac disease tests because my guts and head hurt mostly after i eat pasta and bread#*should#and i don't even eat much so it's not like a food coma or anything#despite what one may think given the amount of “food as a metaphor of love” in my fics i'm not a big eater. i prefer cooking for others#but idk like. i'm lactose intolerant and can't stand eggs when they're the primary ingredient (e.g. pancakes & such)#but i've never taken an egg-allergy test bc i don't think it exists? idk. i just don't eat them#and- i can't eat bell peppers (;-;) & red meat because they make me sick as hell#so huh very limited choice actually#because you also gotta add what i despise like broccoli (sorry) spinach and artichokes (i *hate* them the most.) + fish except for salmon#so what *do* i eat? good question#i'm a-ok with all other veggies & legumes so there's that#same with most white meat#but like. if you take pasta and bread away.... i die. period. it's a zero conditional sentence. it's a fact.#food cw
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as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen
the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"
#my food crime is that i regularly make a “pasta and tuna” situation that has somehow gotten even more evil and degenerate over time.#it is a ''white wine reduction'' (it's just white wine and garlic powder & seasoning)#and tuna from a can.#and plain pasta.#if i have the spoons i will actually chop garlic for it but this tends to be my comfort food for a REALLY bad day#bc its super easy to make:#boil pasta. drain. put into bowl for later. into same pot u used for pasta.#put tuna (with oil/water from can). let fry a little for like 2-3 min. put in whatever amount of wine. season to taste.#the tuna will get a little crisp on it which is nice. important side note:#this began as a Bolognese sauce.#and one day i had to sub for tuna. i know. not ideal. i cried about it too.#somehow over time it is now its own little evil thing. i would never make someone else eat it. it is beautiful.#but yeah i don't even stir the pasta in afterwards i just slap pasta into serving bowl#slap this ''''''sauce'''''''' on top#molto bene#(i really can cook fairly well btw. this is a food crime. not a suggestion of skill or ability)#(i LOVE baking but when i cook for myself. the autism is obvious. bc i just don't understand the point of most of the steps)#(.... i can just eat the deli meat out of the bag. it is protein. i don't even have to like it. i just have to eat enough calories.)#(also i used to cook MUCH more before this apartment which is so small that i can stretch my arms out and overreach the counter length.)#(.... i'm 5.2. so.)
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You guys think the one piece movies are on letterboxd?
#or are they not cinema.....#my letterboxd user is the same as this one yes... you can see it but you cant laugh. i will know#talking tag#watching heart of gold bc i didnt back then but now i have nothing to watch so here we are#i was like this is not worth it... but now i am famished#is this fucking gernica??? hello what the fuck is he doing here#the girl's design and animation is so different it looks like it doesn't belong there... its so strange...#how is gernica getting beat up by this no name... use tekkai or something like damn...#luffy using meat as bait??? ooc... we would never give it away like that...#*luffy being taken hostage* everyone: 😐#sanjis cunty off white turtleneck.... slay also it feels like they are stretching the scenes... this is a movie come on now#what the hell is sanji wearing now... rip off white turtleneck....#COME ON NOW!! what are robin and nami wearing..... enough!!!! fanservice (this one not the one i like) is a plague upon this earth#this feels like an animation test for wano... it looks kinda similar except the backgrounds#so they were all free and didn't try to escape but most importantly is that brook wouldnt be bothered by the arrows bc he is dead indeed#“i just used them [your crew] as tools” didn't we get past this in arlong park... come on now give me something original something new#murder suicide </3 not again.... nevermind it did not work... massive L. *j bieber voice*:hah... i love that laugh... CHIAAAA LALALALALA#luffy one shot this man. come on now that is this nonsense....#gear 3 his ass out of here. also funny how zoro went for the woman... he knows#the ahots of nami and robins unimpressed faces when pirate franky shows up akshakajai... nobody (everyone but them) moved#sanjis cunty chunky bracelet... where does this come from... his gay ass closet of course....#omg he did gear 3 one shot him akdhakshsk i do know him don't i... omg he got dissolved akdhakajak#but how did the father survive without pure gold?? lmao#so this was the gold film prequel.... i see i thought it was the other way around#alright.... kinda mid and too long. strong world clears and gold was kinda better too bc of nami lesbianism. final review#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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I have no issues with vegans except for the ones that are anti-Native. I am not a vegan but I wholeheartedly agree that animal processing facilities and the livestock industry are horrible for the earth, not to mention they are inhumane to the animals from birth to inevitable death.
But the second you tell me that Native peoples, who have been practicing sustainable, ethical, and respectful hunting and fishing methods for millennia, are the same as these giant evil meat factories? We’re gonna have a problem
#natives wanting to fish in ancestral rivers or hunt buffalo on their land are not the same as a fucking meat factory#and if you rly think that then you’re just peddling Colonialism 2.0#I admire the dedication of vegans and I do think that most of the time intentions are good and noble#but god there are some that say this kind of shit and it’s so racist#“they’re killing the earth by eating its creatures”’#no fool WHITE people are killing the earth bc their meat eating practices are not sustainable or ethical#native ppl are not killing the earth by eating their traditional game#otherwise the world would’ve gone to shit thousands of years ago#deep#personal#indigenous#native#veganism
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Hello on this second day of autism why the fuckity fuck didn’t my parents at least try to get me tested
#meows#’yeah our [daughter] can’t stand velvet#or flip flops and would go stiff when#on grass or with bandaids on or after getting her nails done#and can’t eat cold food that has meat bc it ‘feels weird’#[she] also finds it fun to line her toys up in ‘s’ shapes#and basically only watched two movies most her childhood#and gets really cranky and isolated [herself]#after going to outings that involve a lot of people#and doesn’t always get when someone’s joking or being sarcastic#and has black and white thinking and can’t stand change#but autism? nah can’t be#what was that quote I saw on tiktok?#90s girls didn’t get autism diagnoses they got into higher level classes#might not be the exact quote but essentially that#also should be noted my cousin is autistic and has been diagnosed for forever#and they’re trans the same way I am if you catch my drift
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what you eat has an impact on the environment thats just a fact. how u choose to mitigate that might be trying to use locally sourced produce, it might be growing your own, it might be reducing meat intake, it might be supporting community food initiatives, it might just be buying un-packaged produce or avoiding out-of-season fruit, or maybe ur not in a position to do anything. but stop fucking listening to people who tell you that the other regular people who choose to do a different thing from this list than you do are the enemy to distract you from who’s really creating the problem. if you spend more time railing at vegans than you do at monsanto and cargill and ADM then you’re literally falling into the same trap as someone who makes 40k and complains about the minimum wage being increased
#a lot of u guys are straight up brainwashed and think its really leftist somehow who else cringed#DISCLAIMER this is not to say white vegans dont do stupid racist things#but to argue that white vegans are not more racist as a group than like other white people#like. have the same reaction when indigenous land is taken over for animal agriculture#i think its very weird and sad to make it a competition rather than recognising corporate food production as the shared proble#and if u actually care abt farmers then get mad at john deere lol#i cant stand the either/or thing w vegetarianism/veganism#when someones like oh ur vegetarian to mitigate the impact on the environment?? ummm what about [vegetable that can be farmed unethically]??#girl do you not fucking eat vegetables??get help#also so many of them are just not true like the quinoa thing is sooo annoying because its not true#no one even knows exactly what they think is wrong with quinoa theyre just lke umm isnt it bad#actually one of the biggest concerns quinoa farmers have is that the fad won't last and then they'll be plunged into poverty#and the soy thing everyone repeats okay well again. vegans arent responsible for the majority of soy consumption but also#consumption literally accounts for like 5% of soy production#most of it is for ANIMAL FEED and biofuels.#the same applies to like vegans who get mad at people who buy locally sourced meat etc etc but tahts not what i see on this website#i mean anyone whos getting mad at regular ppl over literally trying to do something good for the environment is an idiot
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I am enjoying the cooler weather that September has brought, It has been shorts and flannel weather for me, 15-25°c. And I cannot wait for winter or halloween! I love halloween
I haven't actually done anything to celebrate since I was 13, But I love decorating and I love seeing all the houses done up and every one dressed up all cool
#in other news I have had a sickness of the stomach for the past 4 weeks and it [praying and praying] seems to be clearing up#I have been able to eat 2 small meals and a regular sized supper without much pain for the last 3 days#up from only being able to eat a small amount at dinner time without being in extrem pain#my mum and sisters also had it but they recovered very quickly#my hypothesis is that alongside having the same disease that they had the fact that I had#been eating pre-prepared foods that contained ingredients I am intolerant of set off one of my classic auto-immune stomach inflamation bout#i had good reasons to be eating that food! i am living with my mum and i am not allowed to use the kitchen before 08:00 or after 13:00 and#I had been working full-time right up untill my first day back at college! 07:00 till 16:00! and now 08:30 till 15:00 at college#i anyone wants to know what I am intolerant of#egg red meat white meat seafood shellfish corn most oils lactose garlic several anti-caking agents#by intolerant I mean that eating any of those thing causes abdominal pain and less than ideal bowel movment
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Gojo Satoru x darling
TW: NSFW, noncon, fantasy au
gn reader
Thinking about hunter Gojo and the pretty little nymph that gets themselves snared in one of his traps.
You can’t get your poor leg loose, having twisted your ankle in your fall to the ground – something’s wrong with your wing too, you can feel it – the thin network’s been folded, almost broken – so even if you did manage getting loose, you wouldn’t be able to fly away.
Branches snap around you along the crunch of old leaves – and your heart’s beating out of your chest in fear of it – knowing something large and dangerous is not far behind, that whoever set the trap is not something that wishes you well.
“You’re not a rabbit.” The man says, having crept in close before you’d even heard him approach – crouching in front of you with a hunter's grace. Hawk-eyes ice-blue and piercing, hair as white as pure snow.
He’s got three daggers sleaved in his belt – a fillet knife, a gutting knife, and a larger one you imagine is meant to slice throats. He doesn’t carry a sword like most men but has a bow and sack of arrows slung on his back. Otherwise, dressed lightly – brown leather boots, brown slacks, and a blue cotton shirt. You could have mistaken him for a woodland elf if it weren’t for the thick stench of man.
“Eating creatures from the holy forest is forbidden.” You snip, despite your wide eyes and the wobble of fear evident on your lip.
He only smiles at the quip, a grin like a predator humored by prey. “You wouldn’t tell a wolf not to hunt.”
He stalks you, leaning in closer, and you try shuffling away – but the movement only makes you wince.
“I’m just another hungry animal…”
Rope gnaws into your fine skin while his breath puffs hot and dewy on your face.
“And tonight… seems lady luck has favored me once again.”
He gags you and ties you further up before redoing his snare for the next unlucky creature – then carries you over his shoulder until he’s dropping you down on a bed of furs.
Your skin flushes with goosebumps at the thought of being skinned the same way – mouthing a little prayer around the cloth he’s split your teeth and lips with. He’s cut trees down as well; you hear their pitiful screams when he lights a fire with their bodies. You mourn them, too.
At his full height, the man must be two heads taller than any male nymph you’ve ever seen and at least three heads taller than you. You hope you’re enough to satisfy him tonight, to spare the forest of further bloodshed.
You shiver and sniffle when he starts prepping you – removing your clothes and groping your tender, fleshy places with a strength you’re not used to – hands large and crass – kneading you like dough – probably to assess the quality of your meat. He has a smile on his face while at it.
Humans make you sick – to think he’s planning on roasting then eating you despite the soul fueling your spirit and the beating heart in your chest. But you’ve long known that all death but their own matters little to them – they don’t feel the same way nymphs do – they don’t regard life with the same respect they’ve donned themselves. It must be a sad and lonely existence, you think. It even makes you feel a little sorry for him.
You yelp when his gritty fingers brush the area between your legs – shimmying when he lowers his mouth down to the same place. Oh God – does he plan on eating you raw? While your body’s still hot and pumping blood?
But the bite never comes – not yet eating but tasting it would seem – licking and slurping and sucking on you.
He takes his shirt off. Probably to avoid spilling on it, you think.
You don’t really understand what’s going on until he’s got his fat manhood pointed toward your kernel-sized hole. Eyes wide as he splits you apart slowly and unabashedly – as though it isn't as deviant as a dog mating a cat – sinking in inch after meaty inch.
You whimper at the stretch – wincing when the plush mushroom-shaped head grinds against that special place inside you.
It doesn’t fit more than halfway, but that doesn’t seem to bother him – rolling his head back with a rusty groan, even with just the tip gaining purchase within you – pounding into you like a beast in his rut.
“What's the matter, pretty nymph? Did you think I was gonna eat you?” He laughs, bearing over you – his hands steadying your hips to meet his sharp thrust – each hit deeper than the last. “I’m the only hunter in this forest; I can eat what I want when I want – but eating you?” He scoffed and snickered. “That would just be a waste.”
The blood on his breath makes you wrinkle your nose – squeezing your eyes shut as his tongue sweeps up the tear streaks on your cheek.
“My stomach’s already full. Time to empty my balls.”
#yandere jjk#yandere jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujustu kaisen#jujutsu gojo#jujutsu kaisen#gojo smut#satoru gojo smut#gojo satoru smut#gojou satoru x reader#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo saturo#jjk gojo#yandere gojo x reader#yandere gojo satoru#yandere gojo#yandere satoru gojo#jjk smut#jujustu kaisen headcanons#gojo headcanons
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Batfam at a gala with the reader being dubbed the "hearttrob", the reader is really handsome and nearly everybody wants to get into his pants. However, the reader is actually a really innocent and the family is always on a mission to stop anyone from talking to the reader who just wants to get him into their bed. They're like "nuh uh he only deserves the best"
Oh God, chaos is about to ensue lol. Just everyone being, nope.
Summary: The fam protects their handsome brother.
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, people trying to get into (Y/N)'s pants, protective family...
Out of the 5 sons that Bruce has, both adopted and biological, all of them were handsome in their own way. But (Y/N) was the most handsome one, even more handsome than Damian, who was a second contender to the title. Bruce has never ever made any of them feel bad about it.
Besides, none of them really cared about that title anyway. It was bullshit according to them, but... They had agreed that (Y/N) was the most handsome one. That was something that they couldn't deny in the slightest. They all have agreed that if they weren't brothers, they would try and date him.
Of course, that's what a lot of people tried to do and (Y/N) was called a heartthrob for it. He was often in magazines, gossip ones whilst wearing something nice or casual and the internet would simply explode. It has happened a few times before and it was amusing and Jason nearly died from laughing every single time it happened.
God forbid he gets an Instagram or anything like that.
Internet would not survive in any way, shape or form.
Galas were more often that not insane to deal with. (Y/N) was always a genuine person who would really want to love someone, someone who wouldn't use him for like bragging rights or anything similar. When (Y/N) loves, he loves.
That's something that his brothers knew, alongside Bruce of course. So, being a protective they are, they made a pact to protect (Y/N) from people who would only want to sleep with him. There were many douchebags like that, who only want to get in (Y/N)'s pants.
It was nuts.
The same thing was happening tonight, at a gala for some charity. It was for the homeless people of Gotham city. (Y/N) was dressed sharply, in a classic black suit with a white shirt. Of course, he finished his look with a black tie. He moved around the room to talk to people, avoiding the knows reporters. He wasn't interested in them.
He was more interested in something else and that was his bed. Just two more hours.
However, the others noticed people looking at him, eyeing him like he was a piece of meat for them. A prize. Prey. A trophy. It didn't sit well with any of the family members. (Y/N) deserves nothing more than the best partner he could get.
Only the best.
Jason was eyeing a man who was looking at his brother and has made a move. He started walking towards his brother, but Jason was one step ahead. They were all wearing earpieces, just like on patrol. Jason lifted his glass of wine. " A man is on the move. Tim, he is in your line of sight. " Jason murmured, hiding his mouth with his glass of wine.
Tim turned his head from a man he was talking to and excused himself, quickly making his way to his brother before the douchebag could even reach him.
" Hey (Y/N), Jason wanted to talk to you. " Tim said as he patted his shoulder and (Y/N) nodded, leaving to find Jason, who heard it all and was now trying to figure out a reason to talk to (Y/N).
Tim turned his head to look at the man, who was glaring at Tim. Tim was thoroughly unimpressed.
" I know exactly what you want with my brother. I have seen it time and time before. It won't happen. " Tim said coldly and turned around, leaving the angry man behind.
Damian and Dick smirked from their spots. It was amazing to see it. Truly amazing.
And (Y/N) always turned a blind eye to it. It was either for the reason that he didn't want to deal with people or he simply didn't know. He always played dumb for it, but they all suspected that he knew.
Either way, it soothed the protective urge in them. Bruce knew what they were doing and he was doing absolutely nothing to stop his boys. Only if it was physical. Only then he would step in.
And Alfred? Alfred was the silent watcher, listening and waiting. He listened because most men like that brag about things and are bound to uncover something about themselves. And Alfred is never wrong. He always saw right through them.
As Jason and (Y/N) were talking, the others remained vigilant. It was far more interesting this way. More fun at this gala. Not just this one, but the others too. Far more interesting.
(Y/N) got himself some whiskey and just sipped it slowly. It was a nice evening. Damian moved around, seeing a man walking in the general direction of (Y/N). Damian moved through the crowd of people, watching the man like a hawk.
There was something way off about him. Something was way off. Damian couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew that he couldn't ignore the feeling. If there is one thing that Damian was taught, it was to never ignore his gut feeling about people.
He kept following the man, seeing a lustful gaze in his eyes. That bastard. Damian's eyes narrowed at the man, especially when (Y/N) left to go to the bathroom. Damian's mind went into overdrive, knowing that (Y/N) would be vulnerable there.
" I'm moving to the bathroom. " Damian murmured as he approached the bathroom, making sure to keep some distance. He smudged his shirt a bit to have an excuse to go to the bathroom. He entered it, seeing someone chatting up (Y/N).
Damian cleared his throat as he approached the sinks. " (Y/N), father wants to talk to you. Says it's important. " Damian said and Bruce chuckled through the earpiece.
" Thanks Dames. " (Y/N) said with a smile and excused himself from the conversation he was having with a polite smile. The man kept up a polite smile until (Y/N) left and turned to Damian with a scowl. Damian had to control an urge to not laugh in his face.
" Listen kid, don't ruin this for me. " The man said and Damian kept his cool.
" I know who you are. Your father is a business partner of WE. And Bruce Wayne is protective of his sons so don't make me tell him what you said. " Damian said coldly, but Bruce already heard it. But of course, will keep it quiet as long as the man is somewhat respectful.
Now, the last sentence alone made the man scared. It was a well known fact that Bruce Wayne doesn't take any disrespect about his sons. Of any kind. Damian smirked as he saw that the man has paled.
Damian left without a word and saw Dick who smirked too. " Good job Damian. " Dick said as he high fived Damian in passing, composing himself quickly as the man hurried out of the bathroom, clearly distressed.
The two smirked, making Tim snort from where he watched them with Connor. Bruce subtly rolled his eyes at that, but was happy that Damian took control.
And (Y/N)? He simply remained unbothered, chatting away with Alfred, who was happy to stop for a good chat with his grandson.
#dc comics#dc x male reader#x male reader#batfamily#bruce wayne x male reader#batman x male reader#jason todd x male reader#red hood x male reader#dick grayson x male reader#nightwing x male reader#tim drake x male reader#red robin x male reader#damian wayne x male reader#robin x male reader
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Ellie x Shy!fem!reader!!
My sweet bunny.
cw: praise, body worship, bunny-outfit.
You were always rather.. insecure. Until you met Ellie, she made you feel appreciated and loved so you went to your friend Dina for help..
Lingerie?? How crazy!! Why would Dina even suggest such a thing!? That’s far too embarrassing! Plus, you don’t even know if Ellie would like it..
Your thought began to go crazy as you began to over think this whole thing! :(. Dina kept reassuring you and saying about how it’s okay and how Ellie would love it.. but you weren’t sure.. you were nervous! Eventually.. Dina managed to convince you. So you did what any willing girlfriend would do..
You went online shopping. You saw the most lewd outfits! It was so embarrassing. Eventually, you found a favorite. It was embarrassing.. but it was very pretty. So, you ordered it.
Almost two weeks had past and you forgot about it completely! You had just come back from your job to see Ellie on your couch.. you spoke up, “Hey, Ellie.” She turned to face you with a rather.. flushed expression. You raised a brow in confusion till you saw the package in her hand… oh no.
“Hey, doll. I was just.. getting our mail and.. I saw a box. It was in pretty packaging so I opened it and uhm..” She held up a black lacy bra.. You felt your heart stop. You could hear your ears ringing and you could feel your face and ears start to burn.. this was horrible!!
“Ellie- I.. I promise it’s not what it looks like!!” You mumbled out in a hushed voice.
She raised a brow in amusement. “Really? That’s too bad. I was looking forward to this…” She let out a sigh, biting back a cocky smile.. You felt like you were about to explode from embarrassment!! But.. at the same time.. if she wanted you to..
You cleared your throat before timidly speaking.. “I just wanted to surprise you..” Which caused the most smug smirk from her.
“Oh I’m definitely surprised, baby. You really bought this pretty little thing for me?” She chuckled and looked at the lingerie. To which you nodded.. she got up and walked over to you, grabbing a handful of your ass which caused you to squeak.
“Go put it on.. now.” She mumbled darkly. In a tone you never heard.. it made your tummy have butterflies. You grabbed the set from her and scurried off to the bathroom..
You sighed and looked at yourself in the mirror. Fuck.. It was a lacy black bra, and a lacy thong. A silk-white bunny headband and a bunny tail butt plug with white lacy stockings. You can’t believe you were about to show Ellie this.. but you only live once, right?
You walked out and looked at Ellie, waiting for a reaction. She stared in silence…
“…”
Suddenly, she grabbed you, pulling you close. “Fuck baby. So good for me.. look at my pretty girl… fuck. You’re so soft.. Mh..” She said as she began to kiss up you neck and squeeze the meat on your hips..
Next thing you know you were being pulled over her lap! God, it was embarrassing. But you also.. kinda liked it. This was new. Most of the time you and her were very.. vanilla.
You rocked down on her lap.. whining. You felt embarrassed getting her jeans all wet. But you couldn’t help it, it was too good. You kinda like this despite it being different. You rocked down.. slowly grinding.
“That’s it, bunny. You look so good.. so sweet. My sweet girl..” she mumbled, eyeing you like prey. You felt yourself get close.. she grabbed your hips tightly, stilling them. You were confused until she started to control your rhythm. The rough jeans pressing against you was heavenly.
“That’s it baby. So good.. good girl..” she mumbled with heavy eyes..
“Ellie- el’… ‘m close!” You whined.. your tummy felt hot and heavy. You gasped.. you felt yourself start to soak her jeans as you finished all over her. She chuckled and bit and nipped at your throat.
“Wear this more often, Kay, sweet stuff?”
#ellie willams x reader#ellie williams smut#ellie smut#ellie the last of us#ellie x you#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie williams#ellie tlou#subby bunny#dumb bunny
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white americans will look at a photo on google of a minced meat dish and say "well I can't see any seasoning"
white americans will be like oh british food is so unseasoned and underspiced and then talk as if taco bell is extremely flavourful. this is true I've seen it happen multiple times.
#red said#'oh british food is flavourless and unseasoned' shows picture of black pudding and sausage#have you eaten those things???? have they ever been unseasoned?????? there's seasoning cooked into them!#that last poll. 'shepherds pie (unseasoned)'? yeah man that would be gross. luckily you're meant to PUT SEASONING IN MEAT.#looks at a picture of a hamburger. gross look at all that Unseasoned Meat. bet that would be really bland if you didn't put flavours in it.#it's not relevant. because like. you do.#sure n the case of most of these foods the seasoning is salt pepper and onion. but that's not 'no seasoning'#also worcestershire sauce which truly does make a huge difference to meat#like idk it is just a bit baffling#you have already decided this food is bland before you eat it even though 90% of what i encountered in America#was also. uh. red meat seasoned primarily with salt and pepper.#and sometimes chilli cumin coriander and or mace. all of which are popular seasonings here also.#like they're the same white ppl foods man idk what to tell you. lightly seasoned meat. potatoes.#now if you want to talk food crimes let's talk veggies bc the traditional Brit approach of boiling every vegetable until it's soft? obscene#treat your veggies with respect. fry or roast them. curry them. wilt greens in butter. boil or steam them al dente.#why are we not roasting British cooking for vegetable maltreatment? why's it always about the meat???#do you know how many miserable bleached carrots i have endured? i love a carrot! why are people so cruel to carrots? give that bitch bite!#you know why shepherd's pie is good? because it forces even bad cooks to keep some of the flavour from veggies INSIDE THE FOOD#people will straight up boil a vegetable for hours then pour away every scrap of flavour or vitamins in the water#don't attack brits for not seasoning MEAT attack people for not seasoning VEGGIES. or cooking them with any care for flavour.#mind you maybe that's an us problem bc my czech partner laughs at me for wanting more vegetable than 'lemon wedge' with meat and chips
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I went down the internet rabbit hole trying to figure out wtf vegan cheese is made of and I found articles like this one speaking praises of new food tech startups creating vegan alternatives to cheese that Actually work like cheese in cooking so I was like huh that's neat and I looked up more stuff about 'precision fermentation' and. This is not good.
Basically these new biotech companies are pressuring governments to let them build a ton of new factories and pushing for governments to pay for them or to provide tax breaks and subsidies, and the factories are gonna cost hundreds of millions of dollars and require energy sources. Like, these things will have to be expensive and HUGE
I feel like I've just uncovered the tip of the "lab grown meat" iceberg. There are a bajillion of these companies (the one mentioned in the first article a $750 MILLION tech startup) that are trying to create "animal-free" animal products using biotech and want to build large factories to do it on a large scale
I'm trying to use google to find out about the energy requirements of such facilities and everything is really vague and hand-wavey about it like this article that's like "weeeeeell electricity can be produced using renewables" but it does take a lot of electricity, sugars, and human labor. Most of the claims about its sustainability appear to assume that we switch over to renewable electricity sources and/or use processes that don't fully exist yet.
I finally tracked down the source of some of the more radical claims about precision fermentation, and it comes from a think tank RethinkX that released a report claiming that the livestock industry will collapse by 2030, and be replaced by a system they're calling...
Food-as-Software, in which individual molecules engineered by scientists are uploaded to databases – molecular cookbooks that food engineers anywhere in the world can use to design products in the same way that software developers design apps.
I'm finding it hard to be excited about this for some odd reason
Where's the evidence for lower environmental impacts. That's literally what we're here for.
There will be an increase in the amount of electricity used in the new food system as the production facilities that underpin it rely on electricity to operate.
well that doesn't sound good.
This will, however, be offset by reductions in energy use elsewhere along the value chain. For example, since modern meat and dairy products will be produced in a sterile environment where the risk of contamination by pathogens is low, the need for refrigeration in storage and retail will decrease significantly.
Oh, so it will be better for the Earth because...we won't need to refrigerate. ????????
Oh Lord Jesus give me some numerical values.
Modern foods will be about 10 times more efficient than a cow at converting feed into end products because a cow needs energy via feed to maintain and build its body over time. Less feed consumed means less land required to grow it, which means less water is used and less waste is produced. The savings are dramatic – more than 10-25 times less feedstock, 10 times less water, five times less energy and 100 times less land.
There is nothing else in this report that I can find that provides evidence for a lower carbon footprint. Supposedly, an egg white protein produced through a similar process has been found to reduce environmental impacts, but mostly everything seems very speculative.
And crucially none of these estimations are taking into account the enormous cost and resource investment of constructing large factories that use this technology in the first place (existing use is mostly for pharmaceutical purposes)
It seems like there are more tech startups attempting to use this technology to create food than individual scientific papers investigating whether it's a good idea. Seriously, Google Scholar and JSTOR have almost nothing. The tech of the sort that RethinkX is describing barely exists.
Apparently Liberation Labs is planning to build the first large-scale precision fermentation facility in Richmond, Indiana come 2024 because of the presence of "a workforce experienced in manufacturing"
And I just looked up Richmond, Indiana and apparently, as of RIGHT NOW, the town is in the aftermath of a huge fire at a plastics recycling plant and is full of toxic debris containing asbestos and the air is full of toxic VOCs and hydrogen cyanide. ???????????? So that's how having a robust industrial sector is working out for them so far.
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Hii, love your works!
Can you do a feyd rautha x reader?
They are married and he takes her to meet the harpies because she's curious, they start to like her and become protective of her because she doesn't take feyd away and she cares and treats them good.
Thanks
"PETS" - Feyd-Rautha X Reader
ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1.1K
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: Feyd-Rautha X Reader
ᴘʟᴏᴛ: Same as the ask but they aren't married yet.
ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: Fluffy with mentions of gore.
Sorry for the wait @kitty95 but here it is 😊
Telling you ‘no’ felt like the only sin Feyd would be slow to commit. He revelled in your happiness and appreciation. The two of you had grown close and he felt like he didn’t need to hide all of his ugly. He’d already taken you into his armoury and then the torture chambers. Aside from the iron rich smell of the blood he watched and listened for something to change about the way you felt about him. But your hand only slipped into his in search of protection and assurance. Your eyes never wavered when you looked at him. Feyd never found you shrugging out of his touch. Somehow this felt different, it was different in every way. Unlike weapons, poisons and his violent delights there was no eminent danger to you. Weapons had to be deployed to be dangerous, his Harpies were anything but safe. They were creatures that lived for his satisfaction and held more bloodlust than even Feyd himself. Unlike most pets, Feyd’s Harpies survived on the flesh of his enemies. Feyd was their only friend. He was the only person they refrained from hissing at, snarling, snapping or biting. His were the hands that fed them and he seldom went to them empty handed. Seeing them gorge didn’t disgust him but it would disgust you. Feyd knew that from the moment he bit into a rare steak on your first night together.
“Feyd please I want to meet them” you ask employing doe eyes knowing they’re his weakness.
“They’re unpredictable, territorial and jealous” he rasps closer to a no than he’s ever been. He looks away and you get out of bed heading to the window to watch the double sun rise on the Giedi Prime.
“Come away from the window” Feyd hisses and you do padding over to him slowly. It’s the speed you can manage after being the subject of Feyd’s insatiable appetite for your flesh. His eyes roam over your naked body. His chest rises and falls as he holds out a hand to stop you. Your feet rest on the cold black tile as he gets out of bed closing the distance to you.
“Don’t you ever, show anyone what’s mine” his tone is harsh while the hold he has on your chin is soft.
“I let you have all of me freely and yet, you do not trust me with your Harpies” you whisper, holding his dark eyes. His conscience plays at him and he swallows his jaw clenching.
“Will you withhold from me should I hold fast in my position and not allow a meeting?” Feyd raises his hairless brow.
“No” you respond without needing to think it over. “But it will hurt,” you confess, grabbing a robe.
——
Your heart rate triples as you enter the forbidden sect of Feyd-Rautha’s quarters. You hear sharp whispers and laughter. You hold a covered platter of liver, the Harpies’ second favourite food according to Feyd. You press the doors open and all three of them are still until they realise you are not Feyd. Their movement is unlike anything you’ve ever encountered and one of them hisses showing off black teeth and gums. Another comes with a raised hand but stops dead in its tracks. Their eyes go white in the centre of their black orbs before dilating back to black. They smell their master all over you.
“I brought you food” you whisper while holding the platter out. The third Harpy takes the platter from you and the smell of the meat snaps them out of the daze caused by your intrusion for a moment. They eat savagely, licking the plate as you watch on in wonder.
“Masters newest pet” one says and you nod. “You smell just like him,” it says, causing you to blush. You’d had a shower prior to this visit and yet it’s done nothing to free you from the scent of Feyd.
“You let him come see us” another says and you nod.
“She isn’t disgusted by us or jealous” another one says looking at you with wide eyed wonder.
“No, you don’t disgust me” you correct. “I love Feyd and he loves you, I just wanted us to meet” you explain and they smile. You hear steps in the distance and they pick up. As Feyd’s concubine you know danger is everywhere and panic. Cold hands grip your arms dragging you behind the large black couch in the centre of their room. Weapons materialise in each of their hands, as well as snarled teeth and violent expressions. You hide, doing as you’ve been instructed only silence befalls the room as the doors open. You count to ten before looking over the couch to see Feyd. His anger fades into amusement as he sees his Harpies ready to defend you with their life. The image of you hiding and them ready to defend you brings him too much amusement. All of his most beloved possessions in one place. You stand and go to walk over to him when one of the Harpy’s grabs you again.
“He’s upset,” she warns, familiar with Feyd’s violent temper.
“I will take her punishment” one of them proposes, causing Fey’s lip to curl up in a smirk.
“No, it’s alright” you say, holding her arm. They all gasp at the gesture. The physical touch and connection most people are terrified to participate in. All four of them pile into a group hug holding you and purring all around you. It’s an overwhelming amount of affection. They purr for a few minutes before turning to Feyd with angry eyes.
“I won’t punish her,” he says, picking his battles wisely. Once you say your goodbyes the Harpies let you go.
“Come back soon!” The one with doe eyes calls before the door is shut. Looking up, Feyd stands in his regalia withholding a smile. You take a deep breath in anticipation of his punishment but he holds a hand out. You slip your hand into his and he smirks.
“Don’t disobey me again” Feyd warns.
“I didn’t, you never told me I couldn’t come at all” you correct and he brings your hand to his lips kissing your fingers softly.
“Tread lightly” he warns and you stop to look up at him. Moving from his side to in front of him you reach your hands up wrapping them around his neck. His head bows automatically. Feyd can’t find anything but utter devotion to him in your eyes. It’s what makes him relent. He pulls you to him by your waist.
“You’re good just as long as you never forget that nobody and nothing adores you more than me” Feyd hisses. Smiling you nod hoping he knows the feeling is mutual.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading all of you Feyd lovers 🖤🖤🖤🖤. Something quick and easy🩶🖤 Let me know if you liked it!
COMMENT, LIKE & REBLOG
#austin butler imagine#austin butler x reader#feyd rautha#feyd rautha x reader#feyd rautha harkonnen#dune part 2#austin butler x you
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Sweet Ultraviolence | Klaus Mikaelson
masterlist
summary: it was no secret that klaus mikaelson felt for you, but you didn’t, maybe deep down but not enough. so how do you react when the nortorious serial killer gives you the most fucked up surprise?
pairing: fem! reader x klaus mikaelson
words: 4k
a/n: scene taken from the sexiest ahs scene ever. here’s a link !! probably my favourite klaus fic i have written. also smut!! i’ve written smut?? i’m not a smut writer so if it’s bad pretend it never happened….
‘Just because I agreed to this doesn’t mean it means anything.’
‘This date?’
‘Don’t call this a date.’
‘Why?’ Klaus asked,grabbing his wine glass, his gaze sitting on your frame as he sipped the red liquor. ‘We’re at my house, eating a lovely dinner with a beautiful girl. By my definition it is a date.’
‘Please,’ you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you felt the warmth of the fireplace hit your bare skin, engulfing you in a hug. ‘You are fully aware of why I am here so let’s not read something into this.’
Sitting at a table with Klaus Mikaelson was not as romantic as it sounded. The dark walls pushing in on you, a dark gaze staring at you, darkness that made up the house. Even the plate of meat, potatoes and vegetables seemed less appetising as they normally would. Maybe it was the blood seeping out of the flesh that made you feel agitated, maybe it was the notorious vampire serial killer that so desperately wanted you to be his.
‘Still,’ he paused for a second, ‘you came.’
You yourself took a sip of the white wine you had mixed with sparkling water, the subtle bitterness biting your tongue, the warm fuzzy feeling of the alcohol leaving a familiar taste of comfort.
‘Klaus, sometimes I think you are so delusional, like how are you functioning?’
‘I function just fine, love.’
‘Get me another one of these,’ you held up your glass, lifting it to your red painted lips to drown the last drop of its contents. ‘And maybe I’ll continue to act like I am loving this dinner date from hell.’ You gave him a wide grin displaying your obvious sarcasm.
Klaus smirked, his twisted smile making your stomach churn. This would be a lot easier if he weren’t attractive but of course the maniac looks like he was carved by Lucifer himself.
‘That’s a tempting offer.’
He barely lifted his hand signalling the compelled boy that he wanted something. ‘Another white wine with sparkling water for my ravishing date, Taylor.’
‘Wow,’ you jested in fake astonishment, ‘so intimidating. Raising your hand, getting whatever you want…do you enjoy it? Getting everything with the snap of your fingers.’
‘Why wouldn’t I?’
‘You compel people to do stuff for you. Don’t you want people to do things because they want to? Care for you?’
‘No one cares about me, love.’ He chuckles, ‘I’m the monster, remember?’
You didn’t reply. You stayed silent, staring at him being the only communication amongst the quiet room, only the cracking of burning wood to be heard. ‘Why do you like me?’ You shoved the potato around your plate, using it to smear the watered down blood across the porcelain.
‘What’s not to like?’ Klaus shrugged his shoulders, leaning back into the chair, the definition of his abs to see seen through the thin material of his shirt.
You looked up from your plate. ‘Just answer the question, please.’
‘You’re like a ray of sunshine on a bad day. When I’m near you I feel you good nature rub off on me—makes me want to stay close. You’re kind even if not to me, you treat everyone the same and give chances to people that probably don’t deserve them. You help when help is needed and disregard yourself for others. You’re beautiful. You smell good, and the fact that I cannot have you makes me want you even more.’
‘I’m not something you can own, Klaus,’
‘I can’t own you love, but I can own your heart if you let me.’
Again you stayed quiet, scared that if you speak he could hear the smitteness in your tone, knowing that for a second he had gotten under your skin.
‘Admit that you are drawn to darkness, Y/n,’ his eyes stared into the most inner part of your soul, ‘even the purest of heart are drawn to it.’
‘I never said I’m not, Klaus,’ you took a sip of wine. ‘I like darkness. The unknown, the excitement…Just because I don’t like your darkness Klaus doesn’t mean I’m denying my thoughts or feelings.’
‘Keep telling yourself that.’
‘You aggravate me.’ You downed the rest of your drink again, setting it down with a loud thud.
‘Makes you more attractive.’
‘Taylor?’ You smiled over at the boy Klaus had compelled for tonight’s dinner, that what you had hoped anyway, ‘Do you by chance have any earplugs, sweetheart?’
Taylor’s eyes grew wide, pressing his lips together as he turned his head towards Klaus for further instructions. Klaus felt his stare but continued to stare at you with a grin.
‘What are you staring at, Taylor? Get the lady some earplugs.’
Taylor left soon after, leaving the two of you alone which made you chuckle at Klaus who didn’t deny your request.
‘What?’ He asked plainly.
‘Nothing.’ You cut a piece of the steak and let the blood coat your tongue, continuing to feel his eyes linger on your for the rest of the night.
A week later and you were back at school. Vacation was over and reality hit. Thankfully you were seeing Mr. Saltzman today. A class you could pay a little less attention to since you sat in the back of the room, daydreaming away. You were too busy talking to friends that you didn’t realise a pair of eyes that stalked you from afar. Eyes watching your every move.
Finishing up the conversation you said your goodbyes to Dana and Heather and turned around to head towards the gym but when you took a step back you collided with a body making them stumble and spill their drink on the floor.
‘Oh my god, I am so sorry. Are you okay?’ You reach out to help Connor find his balance but he slapped away your arms, letting out a deep growl.
‘What is your fucking problem, bitch?!’
‘Excuse me?’ You drew your eyebrows together. It was clearly an accident. Why was he getting so worked up?
‘I said what is your problem?’ He came dangerously close.
‘Hey,’ his friend pulled him back, trying to reassure him that it was an honest accident.
‘You better apologise.’
‘I literally apologised, asshole. How about you pipe down on your ego and take a long second to reevaluate your life? Pathetic.’
Connor’s face turned red, his strength releasing him from his friends grip, his face too close to yours for your liking. ‘I’ve disliked you since I’ve known you, Y/n. Don’t give me more reasons to hate you.’
‘Get a life.’ You laughed out loud.
‘You better watch your back!’
‘Okay, Connor. Will do.’ You called after him as he left the scene,his head turning your way as you cleaned off the few drops of water that caught themselves on your fabric. Chuckling to yourself, you headed the way you were supposed to go and headed towards cheerleading practice, the anger giving you a surge of adrenaline that reassured you that you were going to nail the landing you had failed to complete for weeks.
Klaus had watched the scene from afar, his eyes trailing Connor as he walked past Klaus whose forehead creased, his eyes turning lifeless as he turned around and followed Connor to wherever it was he was heading to.
Practice was good and you were right; you managed to pull off the stunt earning you praise from the coach, letting you know that if you keep up the good work you will be the best cheerleader Mystic Falls ever had. You hated saying it but you lived off of praise. Was there a better feeling than being seen for your hard work and determination? Not really, but that was your opinion. You headed towards the locker room, your red cheer uniform starting to slowly take up some of the sweat from practice. It was late. Everyone went home instead of you. You wanted to perfect the new choreography and stayed long after practice ended. So when you entered the locker room it was dead silent. The squeaking of the locker made you flinch as you placed your water bottle into the side pocket of your bag. You were about to take out your bag to change when you heard the sound of droplets hitting the floor. Wet drops. Only then had you noticed that your feet were also wet. And it wasn’t sweat…it was too much for it to be just that… When you looked up to where the sound was coming from you froze. Staring up at the ceiling just above the lockers, the body of Connor hung from the wall. Broken arms and legs that were twisted inhumane. His intestines spilling from his torso, head hanging from his neck like it was about to fall off. His blood was dripping onto your locker, the smell of blood prominent and not something that could be ignored. As you stared up at him, taking in his lifeless body, a faint smile spread across your lips as you thought back on the scene earlier in the hallway.
‘You like my surprise?’ A voice sounded from behind you and you knew exactly who it was so you didn’t bother to turn around, too fascinated by the body hanging like a spider.
‘You did this?’
You heard his footsteps come closer, his heavy footsteps giving away his exact location whenever he moved, so much that after a few seconds you knew that he was standing right behind you, him too staring at the body.
‘I didn’t like how he talked to you or his lack of respect, his entitlement.’
You rubbed your lips against each other, turning around to slap Klaus across the face, feeling a painful sting across the palm of your hand, grabbing a handful of his shirt and getting up on the bench looking down at him. Vertical wrinkles appeared between his eyebrows, his eyes bigger than before. Fear. Fear that he had fucked up the last chance he had of being with you. Scared that you would never ever look at him again. Fear that he had lost you before he even had you.
You took your finger and slowly dragged it across his face, pulling down his bottom lips as you stared at him. ‘That is the most fucked up thing anyone has ever done for me,’ you stared into his eyes that were still wide, your lack of transparency making him feel sick. ‘That’s so hot.’ You dragged out, taking that fistful of his shirt and crashing your lips onto him, your hands roaming his hair, tugging as you felt him against you. His tongue running across your bottom lip, tasting what he had craved for so long. He continued to place wet kisses down your cleavage, continuing to kiss your legs, holding onto your ankle as he came face-to-face with the blood on your foot. Looking up through his lashes he saw you wipe away a single tear, inhaling the scent of blood before dragging his tongue across the top of your foot, licking the sweet taste of blood. Coming back up to kiss you again, you could feel his hot breath ricochet off your cheeks, his growling making your cunt ache from between your legs as he continued to kiss you.
‘I thought you hated violence.’ He breathed, allowing you to catch your breath.
‘I was wrong.’
‘Does that mean—‘
‘Shut up and kiss me.’
Klaus had never shut up so quickly, pressing his body against yours wanting to be one with you. Ripping off his shirt you felt him against your skin. His fingers curled around the hem of your panties, dragging them down your legs. You curled the finger around your top, ready to take it off but Klaus’ hands shot up to hold them still. ‘Don’t take it off. I want to fuck you in it.’
You suppress a moan as he lowered his head underneath your skirt, feeling his breath on the inside of your thighs, already making your legs tremble. You let out a quiet yelp as you felt his tongue licked your slit, closing his lips around your clit as he started to swirl his tongue around your cunt, sending vibrations through your stomach as you moaned. ‘Fuck,’ your hands grabbed his hair, trying to give yourself some stability. Klaus noticed your legs growing weaker. He picked you up with your legs over his shoulders and laid you down on the blood covered floor, feeling the blood go up your ass. Klaus continued to suck on your clit, concealed groans vibrating against your cunt, the knot in your stomach growing tighter as his tongue focused on your most sensitive spot. You could feel your thighs go numb from holding them up. Your breath becoming shorter the more Klaus dragged his tongue across your cunt, collecting your juices, making you realise you were about to come. You felt your muscles contract, your legs starting to shake as the knot tightened faster than it had ever before.
‘Fuck,’ you pressed air past your lips, ‘please don’t stop.’
Close to coming, Klaus gave one last suck before you felt your stomach explode, squirming underneath him as he continued to flick his tongue over your sensitive clit, making your body shudder with aftershocks.
‘Fuck Klaus, fuck fuck fuck.’
You felt Klaus press a kiss on your cunt before coming out from underneath your skirt, catching your lips so you could taste yoursef.
‘You like this don’t you?’
You nodded.
‘You like the way I touch you?’
You nodded again, feeling his hand make its way down to your cunt again.
‘Stop,’ you breathed, stopping his hand trailing down to your cunt that had craved his touch the moment he stared into your eyes. ‘Let me,’ You slowly dropped to your knees, blood staining them s you reached for his trousers, starting to unbuckle his belt, your fingers slipping off the buckle.
‘What are you doing?’ Klaus let out a suppressed smile, his head hanging low to see your hands undoing his belt, your lips caught between your teeth.
‘I want this.’
‘My cock?’
‘Yes.’ Another deep breath.
‘I thought you hadn't done this before?’
‘I haven’t.’ Having undone his buckle and strap, you grabbed his front pockets and pulled down the rough fabric, the bulge beneath his boxer meeting your eyes, a warm heat spreading through your legs. ‘But how do you know that?’
‘Watching you is my favourite pastime.’
‘You’re fucked up…’
‘So are you, love.’
Taking a gulp, you pulled down his boxers to release his cock that sprang against his stomach. Your breath caught your throat. It’s big. Klaus could feel his pre-cum pumping through him just thinking of your innocent lips tucked around the head of his tip. His chest swelled with air as he trailed his finger down to the base of his cock, twitching under his own touch. Your breath hitched, trying to get as much oxygen into your lungs, as you watched him come towards you, knowing that his size would make it hard to breathe. His hand stroked over his hardened shaft, collecting a small speck of pre-cum. You grabbed his thick pulsing length, a groan leaving his throat as your fingers wrapped around him. You leaned over, carefully licking his tip, slowly building your way to sucking on his head, spitting on it as you wet his pink cock.
‘Fuck,’ Klaus hissed, his dirty blond curls falling back as his hand tangled itself in your hair.
You gagged on his size, but you refused to let go of him, pushing his cock deeper into the back of your throat. Saliva filled your mouth as you focused, moaning against him as he gently started thrust in and out, not wanting to hurt you.
‘So, so eager for me, aren’t you?’ He groaned.
His hands found their way to your hair, pulling your head back, allowing him further access to your throat. A mixture of tears, saliva and cum dribbled from between your lips, but he didn’t seem to mind, deep groans continuing to escape his pink lips. The slight sound of you gagging letting his moans increase in sound.
‘Such a pretty face. Look at you.’ He glanced down, staring into your eyes. ‘You look so good taking my cock. Your first time having a cock down your throat and you’re doing so well.’
A pool of cum was now dripping below you. You couldn’t help it, you were so turned on. You needed him. You need him inside of you soon. Growling, he pushed the head of the shaft past your lips, hitting the back of your throat. Klaus tangled his fingers into your messy hair, eager to push in deeper. You swallowed around his throbbing length, earning a huffed moan. You continue stroking him, your hand gliding along his shaft, your own arousal starring to grow
‘You’re so fucking good at taking my cock,’ he thrusted in and out of my aching mouth. ‘Your first time and you already know how to send me over the edge.’
He pulled out his cock giving you time to breathe. You gasped out for air, before he slid back inside of you. Pre-cum was leaking from his tip, the salty taste mixing in with your own spit. You pulled in your lips around his cock, sucking harder, your tongue pressing up against the head and circling around it. Your lips and throat we’re starting to turn numb, every thrust releasing a tear, every salty tear mixing with the shaft.
‘Look at me,’
Your eyes shot up and stared into his.
‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’ He moaned loudly before releasing into your mouth; hot jets hitting the back of your throat. ‘Be a doll and swallow.’ He worked hard to suppress a moan, jerking himself through his orgasm. Both of your chests were heavy—you had almost forgotten what breathing felt like. He huffed and dragged his fingers across your face, stroking your cheeks as he stared at you with sparks in his eyes. ‘You did so well, my love.’
Carefully grabbing you by your throat, Klaus pulled you up and swiftly turned you around, his hard cock pressing up against your firm ass as his hands glided over your tits, smearing the blood across your uniform and cleavage; drops of blood running down your chest as you placed your arms behind your head as Klaus started to place kisses again the thin skin on your neck, gently sucking on it, making the hairs on your body stand up.
‘God, you’re so fucking hot.’
You hummed in response, his mouth on your neck making it hard to concentrate.
Klaus brushed the tip of his cock against your slit, teasing you as his moved it along your cunt, adoring the way you whimpered at his slightest touch.
‘I thought you were a gentleman and wouldn’t fuck a girl so shortly after the first dinner.’
‘I’m not a gentleman tonight, my love. You make it hard to control myself,’ Klaus whispered in your ear, sending a chill down your spine that stopped before it reached your toes as he thrusted into your core making you shout out.
‘Oh my god, Klaus. Fuck you feel so fucking good.’
His cock stretched out the walls of your cunt that welcomed him, each thrust slowly adjusting to his size. His lips kept him busy at your neck and collar, leaving trails of dark marks. Hickeys or blood, it was hard to tell. You could feel the blood slowly dry out on your skin, but new blood spread across your body as Connor’s blood continued to seep out of him, letting you and Klaus be covered in his surprise. He began to pump his cock out of you with pace. Your hands grasped his wrist, nails digging into his skin, asking for more. Throwing your head back onto his chest as one hand wrapped around your throat, the other holding your waist.
‘Not satisfied darling?' He smirked against your skin, picking up pace as he pounded into you. Your tits moving with every thrust, the sound of skin filling the locker room.
‘You're so fucking tight.’ He grunted into your neck. 'It's like you were made to take my cock. Look at you, taking my cock like the good girl you are. Who would’ve thought you were so sick and twisted?’ You felt a new bundle tighten in your stomach. ‘Fucking in a school locker room covered in blood. God made me immortal because you are my match. Fuck, you feel so good.’
Those words felt like fireworks exploding inside of your gut.
‘Shit!’ You cried out in ecstasy, as he pulled you into a climax, sending your body over the edge. He kept on thrusting, overstimulating you, until moments later, he reached his high as well, and filled you up with his cum. Klaus stayed inside of you for a few seconds, breathing heavily as a sweat pearl rolled down his forehead, holding you tight in case your legs were to give in.
‘Your body was made for me.’ He huffed. Klaus slid his cock out of you, staring at you, slowly lowering you to the red messy floor, setting you down before laying down next to you, holding his head up with the palm of his hand.
You took a few seconds to breathe, catching your breath as your high started to fade, catching a glimpse of the body up high. ‘You can’t leave that there. I’ve got class at seven in the morning.’ You mused, gazing at Klaus who had blood spread across his chest. He looked so hot you could fuck him again.
‘Don’t worry, love,’ he reached for the bag behind him. ‘I know how to clean up messes. I’ve done this for over a thousand years.’ He placed a cigarette between lips, pulling out a lighter and taking a drag of the hot smoke. He truly was irresistible.
‘Have you killed a lot of people?’
‘Yes.’
You grabbed a knife that laid behind your back, the knife Klaus probably used to cut certain parts of Connor. ‘Would you kill me?’
Klaus took another drag over the cigarette, the smoke making his voice sound deeper than it was. ‘No.’ He shook his head.
‘Would you kill for me?’
Klaus stared up at Connor pointing at him, ‘You have to ask?’
‘There’s this guy, Dean Gabriel. He took away the only person I ever loved.’ You said, staring at the knife, feeling Klaus prop himself up. ‘He violated my sister. Made her feel disgusted, defiled her without her consent. She took her own life because that man ruined her life in twenty minutes. And whilst she is no longer here, he gets to roam around like nothing happened…’
Klaus leaned forward, his voice sounding huskier, ‘Just tell me where he is and he won’t see any more sunrises after I find him.’
Gazing at the knife, you swung your leg over Klaus to straddle him.
‘Promise me he’ll suffer.’ A tear fell down the apple of your cheeks, ‘I want it to be painful.’
‘I promise.’
You lowered yourself to kiss him, your tears mixing with the blood on your face as your heart was finally lighter than it had been for a while. All because of a surprise you enjoyed more than he had anticipated.
#klaus mikaelson#klaus mikaelson imagines#klaus mikaelson imagine#klaus mikaelson headcanons#klaus mikaelson headcanon#klaus mikaelson blurbs#klaus mikaelson blurb#klaus mikaelson fluff#klaus mikaelson fic#klaus mikaelson fanfiction#klaus mikaelson smut#klaus mikaelson angst#klaus mikaelson x reader#klaus mikaelson x you#klaus mikaelson x y/n#tvd headcanon#tvd imagine#tvd#tvd fanfiction#the vampire diares imagine#the originals imagines#the vampire diaries#the originals
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@turing-tested
Hey, don't be sad. 1lb Beef Shank (or brisket or chuck eye) (🥩) cubed and brought to a Boil (🔥) with a few Peppercorns (🧆) in lightly salted Vegetable Stock (allium free <3) (🧂🫕), skimming the scum off the top. Reduce heat to Low (🌡), cover, and let simmer for 2½ hours (🕝) (or less if the beef is very tender already). Add 1lb cubed Potatoes (waxy kind) (🥔) and cook until tender. Season with Fish Sauce (🩸) and Salt (🧂) to taste. Add in 3c Baby Bok Choy (🥬), canned Baby Corn (🌽), and canned Bamboo Shoots (🎍) and cook for 5 minutes. Serve Hot (♨️) and Enjoy! (🍲😋)
Hey, don't be sad. Ginger (🫚) and garlic (🧄) ok? <3
#and for you on particular have some Starchy Apples (🥔🍎)#this recipe has a very subtle but rich flavor#if you skimmed the scum good enough the broth should be transparent#i actually haven't tried it with bamboo shoots yet but im sure it will be great#use a very subtle veggie stock and if it has included salt then omit the salt at the beginning#if you want to use water and don't have an allium allergy: put a chopped white onion in with the meat and chopped leek in with the bok choy#like at the same time#the most arduous part of this recipe is the prep and the skimming (which i find easier to do with a paper towel)#and the prep can be done ahead of time (but be wary of drying out in the fridge)#oh my god you could replace the beef with silken tofu#if you do do that: maybe sub some beef bone broth instead to add some fats back in?#listen im not a cook i just like food#I'm going to make this on Sunday for my boyfriend and his sister who are coming from a vacation#op#the 2½ hr waiting period is not bad you don't have to monitor it#also add in more water if it seems like you need more liquid#<333
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NEED more boxer!todo smut maybe one where reader is jealous of the fan girls ???
yes yes yes yes yes yes yessssss!!!!
you loved your boyfriend more than anything. he was caring, respectful, loyal, and most of all, he wasn't afraid to express his love for you. whether it be in an interview or literally in a middle of a match todo always made sure to let people know he belonged to you. though this was true, there always seemed to be those sex-crazed fans that saw your man as nothing but a piece of meat. eyeing him at every angle, just waiting to pounce on him when you're either not around or not looking. todo always told you not to worry about these women, but how could you when he'd do barely anything to keep them in check?
you were accompanying todo at yet another meet and greet, fixing up his locs into a much better bun than whatever he threw it in earlier as your beefy boyfriend sat uncomfortably in his seat. "wanna go the fuck home" he mumbled as he boredly watched the hundreds of girls scream their heads off at the entrance. your hand moved towards the back of his neck, plucking him lightly before lecturing him. "watch your mouth, these people are dying t'meet you and this how you repay them?" todo sucked his teeth in front of you, earning him another pluck on the other side of his neck as you moved in front of him, blocking his view of the entrance as you stood between him and the table. "ow! cmon mama, we both know that we rather be in the bed right now" the smirk on his lips already let you know what he was implying as he outstretched a wide hand on the plump of your ass, squeezing the fatty flesh as he peeked past you towards the door.
you quickly slapped his hand away, giving him a warning look as you began to move towards where the rest of his team and security were standing. "behave" you mouthed before both of your attention was brought to the swarm of screaming women moving towards the table. todo internally rolled his eyes at the sight in front of him. in his eyes he didn't understand why these women acted like this, never really paying attention to how he looked when he fought. you, on the other hand, understood completely. from his tight jawline to the sight of his sweaty, glistening body. you knew your man was fine, but that didn't mean you enjoyed when these women would act like this.
"oh my goshhhhh a.t please sign this!!!" the first girl yelled, practically shoving a picture of him in his face. he internally sighed at her behavior, his hand moving towards the picture before quickly signing his initials on it and giving it back to her. "there you go. loved that fight by the way, think i handled my business well. whatchu think about it?" the girl stood in embarrassment as she looked around the room, not having a clue in the world about what fight he was talking about since she probably got the picture from a random site online. todo turned towards you, a small smirk creeping on his lips as the girl quickly walked away. you couldn't help but laugh as you instantly thought back to the fight he was talking about. it happened to be the same fight you gave hime a little something in his dressing room before he went out.
the next group of woman to come up were much calmer, all wearing white t shirt with todo's face in the middle of a heart. of course they tied the backs of them, making their breasts nearly burst through the fabric as their one size too small miniskirts sat right over the bottom of their asses, they probably weren't even wearing underwear. "hi aoiii" the women said in unison, their high pitched voices making your eyes roll as the three of them leaned over the table. this time todo didn't seem as bored, his lip twitching into a smirk as he read the words on each of their shirts. the girl on his left wearing one that said "aoi", the middle one wearing one that said "is our", and the girl on the right wearing one that had a big pink "daddy" right under his picture. the sight of them made you cringe as you quietly scoffed in disgust.
"well this is new" he said with a chuckle, making the girls giggle as well. their breasts bouncing in their tight shirts as they basically eye fucked your boyfriend right in front of you. "we're such big fans todo, really!" the girl on the left said as she batted her long lashes at him. "yea we've been t'nearly every match!" "n'when we couldn't get tickets we'd watch you on tv!" the other two followed, leaning closer towards him on the table as he kept that dumb smirk on his face. "well i appreciate that ladies, i could tell y'all are big fans" you were getting irritated now. your nails digging into your palms as you watched the girl in the middle hand him a gift box with a bright pink bow on it, small smirks on their faces as they waited for him to open it. "want me t'open it now or later?" each of the girls quickly replied. "now!" a fit of giggles following as they watched the man slowly undo the bow.
as todo removed the lid he nearly choked on his tongue. inside the box sat three pairs of panties, each a different color which also happened to match the colors of the words on each of their shirts. the girl on the left's being baby blue, the girl in the middle's being black, and the girl on the right's being pink. his eyes widened before he slowly put the lid back on, picking up the sharpie and looking at the three woman. "w-what y'all want signed?" he said, clearing is throat after he spoke in which the girls replied almost immediately by pointing to the small line in the top right corner of the big heart in the middle of each of their shirts. of course this was also where their left breasts were located, making todo's heart nearly stop beating in his chest.
you were fuming now, feeling as if steam was being released from your ears as you watched this man, YOUR man, smile from ear to ear as he signed his name on each of their shirts. you couldn't watch the scene any longer, turning on your heals and walking towards the exit to wait for him in the car. todo didn't even notice until he heard the exit door slam onto the wall when you opened it, your back turned to him as you angrily walked away. "s'cuse me for a minute" he mumbled, getting up from his seat to follow you outside. the girls giggly attitudes were quickly replaced with sadness as they watched todo walk away as if all the things they just did meant nothing.
you were nearly at his car now, the keys already in your purse since he gave them to you when it was time for the event to start. "mama...baby where you goin?" you ignored him, continuing your search for his keys so you can just go. todo didn't give up though, walking up behind you before lightly pulling your arm around so you can face him. "what's the issue?" was he dumb? did he really not see the problem in what just went on? anger began to cloud your brain, making all your movements rougher and full of attitude as you snatched your arm from his hold and waved your hands in his face as you spoke.
"nigga are you dumb, stupid, or a complete fuckin idiot cause there's no way in hell you don't understand what the problem is" todo's face hardened at your disrespectful attitude, his jaw clenching as he stared down at you with serious eyes. "who the fuck you talkin to like that y/n? don't make me embarrass you out here." you scoffed, his words not putting a single drop of fear in your heart as you pushed your finger into his chest. "you already did that when you was in there signing tiddies and smiling all in bitches faces you hoe ass nigga. m'not finna go back n fourth wit you when i know i could have a new nigga in my bed by tonight so you can go back in there wit your little girlfriends and leave me the fuck alo-" before you knew it your view quickly changed from aoi's face to the upside down view of his lower back as he threw you over his shoulder.
"nigga put me down ion care if you a pro boxer i will fuck you up out here!"
"yeah yeah whatever you say, jus keep that same energy when we get in there."
'in where?' you thought. nevertheless, you continued slapping your hands on his back, trying to free yourself from his strong hands. before you knew it the two of you were back inside, the attention of almost every person in there on you and todo as he continued his journey to the bathroom, not paying them any mind. he became irritated with your small fists hitting his back, using his much larger hands to his advantage as he left a light tap on your ass, "cut it out ma, you only makin it worse for yourself." the three women still stood in their spots in front of his table, looks of jealousy on each of their faces as they watched you. your current state made you embarrassed as you looked at the group of girls the best you could as you hung over your boyfriend's shoulder. todo payed all of them no mind, silently walking into the bathroom and locking the door before putting you down.
as soon as he released you, you made quick work of giving him a piece of your mind as you fixed your dress in the mirror. "stupid ass nigga, now you standing there all mad at me cause i told you the truth. im not trippin over you aoi you can go be wit them bitches right now and i wouldn't bat an eye." you dug yourself into an even deeper hole as you continued to fix yourself up in the mirror, not paying the man any mind as he walked up behind you. he was close, leaving no room between your ass and his print as he dropped his lips towards your ear. "you done?" the sound of his voice made arousal rush to your core, but you feigned indifference. why was he so calm? on other days when you would get like this your boyfriend would usually entertain it, feeding into your attitudes by arguing with you, today felt different.
your gazed moved towards his in the mirror. you were going to speak, but the look in his eyes told you that maybe it was better if you didn't. the look he carried was one you've never seen up close like this before. this was the same look he had before getting in the ring with that one mouthy opponent. the same opponent that ended up getting sent flying to the other side of the ring in just the first round. so you settled for a slow nod instead, an apology already on the tip of your tongue as you felt his wide hand outstretch on your the middle of your back. "bend over f'me then" he left you no more room for arguments as he already had you bending over the sink with his hand, his eyes never leaving yours as he used his other hand to lift up your dress. "why you mad at me baby?" you opened your mouth to speak, but was cut off by the sound of his deep, menacing voice, "and before you answer that lemme remind you that ian flirt with those girls, didn't let em touch me, didn't even ask f'their names. just been polite and signed my name on their shirts so why you mad at daddy, baby?"
as you thought back to the events that happened you realized how wrong you were, you fucked up. you were so blinded by jealousy that you didn't notice how respectful your man was still being to you during the entire situation. tears began to well in your eyes, your bottom lip already trembling as an apology sat ready on your tongue. "sh sh sh, m'not hearin none of that right now. tell me why you upset" your tears escaped you as you spoke, your breathing already picking up speed as you tried to get through a single sentence without sobbing. "cause i was j-jealous" todo nodded his head at your truthfulness, freeing himself from his black jeans before lining himself up with your entrance. "and what did papa said t'do when you start feelin that way princess?"
your tears fell more frequently now, your voice quieting down almost to a whisper as you shyly told him the words he wanted to here. "said t-to talk t'you about it to avoid stuff l-like this" he nodded again, tightly gripping your hips as he slowly sunk into you. the moan you let out was sinful, the thin walls of the bathroom doing probably nothing to keep everyone outside from hearing the two of you. "auughh d-da-" "sh sh shh, you was able to remember everything you was supposed t'do, but still managed not t'do it. y'know what that means right?" you slowly nodded your head, earning you a hard slap on your ass. the stinging pain of his rough palm caused more tears to fall as your legs buckled under you. "y-yes, m-means i'm in tr-trouble"
todo hummed in delight at your compliance, one of his hands snaking up your back and into your hair as he gripped your hip firmly with his other. "m'glad you know, take what i give you and if i see you tryna run imma just go deeper, y'hear me?" you didn't even get the chance to reply before you felt every inch of his dick begin to move in and out of you at a slow pace. the sound of his hips and your ass already filling the room as you released whiney moans into the air. "m'so sorry p-papa, i didn't m-mean t'make you madddd" you whined, your hands clenching in a tight fist to keep you from pushing at his abdomen. todo ignored you, quickening his pace and strengthening his trhrusts to the point where the sink acquired a slight shake.
you knew that you wouldn't be able to last long if he kept fucking you like this, your back arched to perfection as he pulled you up slightly so you can watch him in the mirror. he quickly released your hip, moving his hand towards your chin as he made you look yourself in the eyes. "what's my name mama? say it real loud so all those girls could hear." his deep voice traveled right between your legs, your arousal only growing as he felt your essence begin to spread all over his thighs. your eyes lost their focus, nothing but your release on your mind as you began to fuck yourself back onto his dick. todo couldn't help a devilish smirk from growing on his features, your fucked out expression almost making him ease up on you, but almost wasn't enough...
the next thing you knew todo's thrusts doubled in power, his hand gripping your hair tighter as he left three hard slaps to your ass. "y'hear me pretty? say my name." he knew you could barely think right now let alone speak, but todo had a habit of pushing you past your limits. your pouty lips parted, smeared lipgloss making them shine as you forced out the name he's been dying to hear. "daddy, f-fuckkk s'daddy!" your words were followed by a plethora of moans and whines, your release on the tip of your tongue as you felt his dick kiss parts of you that could never be reached by someone else. todo just smiled, lust dancing in his eyes as he stared you down in the mirror. "s'right mama, it don't matter if a girl put it on a t shirt or on her fucking forehead. daddy only got one girl n it's you"
tears began to fall down your cheeks, your pleasure only growing as you listened to your boyfriend reassure you. at the sound of his voice your walls began to tighten, signaling to him you were about to cum. todo moved his hand towards your stomach, pushing your back to his chest as he kissed up and down your neck. "you gonna cum? gon make a mess on your dick?" you quickly nodded your head at his question, tear stained cheeks shining in the dim light of the bathroom as you moved yourself back harder onto him. "w-wan you t'fill me up daddy" todo felt himself twitch at sight of you, your low eyes and glossy lips making it hard for him to keep his orgasm at bay as he quickened the speed of his thrusts. "ill give you want you want princess don't worry, give you whatever you want as long as you listen. you gon listen to daddy now?"
you replied almost instantly with a drawn out "yessss!" making todo's heart skip a beat as he quickly connected the two of your lips. the two of you made out sloppily, not worrying at all about the noise as your release trickled out of you onto his dick. your vision began to whiten as your legs buckled from underneath you. of course aoi caught you, continuing his ministrations until he was filling you up with his thick load. as both of your breathing began to slow you slipped out of todo's arms and turned around to face him. "m'sorry for gettin jealous baby, i just don't like seein you around so many women." you shied away from his gaze, making him put a strong hand under your jaw so you can look at him as he spoke. "i know mama and i forgive you, now can we just forget this whole stupid meet n greet shit so i can go home and fuck you properly. i hate these things just as much as you do."
the two of you laughed, getting each other dressed before quietly exiting the bathroom. you were surprised to see that all of the women had left, their hopes of pulling the pro boxer being killed by the sound of the two of you fucking like animals in the bathroom.
"looks like they already forgot it"
#aoi todo x black reader#aoi todo x black!reader#aoi todo x black y/n#aoi todo smut#todo aoi x black reader#todo aoi x black!reader#todo aoi x black yn#todo aoi smut#jjk x black!fem reader#jjk x black!reader#jjk x black y/n#jjk x black reader
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