#same with daniel. good for him if he's just around to fuck around and market some energy drinks. what's wrong with that.

[danthropologie]

maybe he's just a PR doll for them but to ignore the fact that daniel was at the factory the week of the bahrain gp (and will probably be there this race week too) probably working on the sim or seeing the data from both cars is very telling.

like they all love to run their mouths and say rb only gains on the PR department but forget daniel is a good asset to have if you wanna improve ur car. which wasn't just said by his rb peers or our delusional asses, it was said by his renault team and by MCLAREN AS WELL (Stella sang nothing but praises about his feedback) so what then

and when mclaren personnel are praising him for something instead of scapegoating him you KNOW they must mean it 💀

[fourmula1]

1,178 words below, about how there is something so tasty about the dynamic of Daniel / Michael / Yuki right now.

The idea that Daniel didn’t have a 2023 contact which left Michael without a job, so he’s moved on to working with Yuki. And whatever’s happened between Daniel and Michael is still painful for both of them but it was alright, because Daniel was out and they wouldn’t be seeing each other anymore.

Maybe. Maybe Daniel and Michael were more than client/friend/hook-ups. Maybe there were feelings. Maybe there was Something More there and then Daniel didn’t have a contract and assumed both he and Michael would go back to Australia and they’d figure their lives out there.

Except Michael… Michael got the job at Alpha Tauri to train Yuki and that blew up any remaining hope Daniel had had about their future.

He thought they’d actually start building their life together away from F1. Move in together. Be together. Tell their families.

But Michael was thinking about his career and the opportunity presented to him this time. He got into F1 because Daniel asked him to be his coach. He got into F1 because of Daniel. And now he’s staying and Daniel is out and the tables are swapped. Michael has the opportunities. Michael has the bartering power here. Michael is in demand.

And Daniel had probably the worst season of his career and is going back to Australia with his tail between his legs and his boyfriend isn’t going with him.

So they break up because Daniel feels so fucking betrayed and heartbroken and devastated that Michael isn’t coming home with him. Michael is staying to continue doing the job that broke Daniel.

Daniel gets the Red Bull 3rd driver job so he’s sometimes around the paddock and he does some marketing content with Yuki but Michael and he are able to avoid one another fairly easily and it sucks when they catch glimpses of each other in the Paddock when Daniel goes to races but for the most part it’s okay because there’s distance and no need to talk.

And then Daniel gets swapped in mid-season.

And he’s back in the same fucking garage with Michael again.

And he’s alone. He doesn’t have Michael. He doesn’t have a trainer. His boyfriend. No one.

His ex boyfriend, ex trainer, ex best friend, is just twenty steps away working with someone else and paying Daniel no mind. He’s moved on and is focused on the job at hand: developing Yuki into the best driver he can be.

It sucks and it hurts and it’s hard to see Michael be so good with Yuki; so strong and attentive and good to him. So supportive and gentle when Yuki needs it. So firm and driven when Yuki needs that extra push. Between him and Michael it was always good, fun, they worked well together. But Daniel can see that Yuki is young and more emotional and can see how fucking good Michael is with and to Yuki when he needs that confidence boost or reassurance or praise. He can see how good Michael is to Yuki and that hurts, because Daniel’s been on the receptive side of that himself. It fucking sucks.

He misses it.

So Daniel breaks his hand and he’s gone again and that’s actually a relief. He gets to rehab his hand and his heart and figure shit out.

He gets back to racing and you know what? He’s fine. It’s fine. They broke up and it’s fine, he’s moving on and he’ll keep it professional and everything is going to be okay.

And it is! It is okay. He races and he does alright, but most importantly he’s feeling good about it and his abilities and he’s getting his confidence back in line really well because he is driving this car and he can tell and feel and know that he is fine. He can drive at the level he knew he could. Last season was not his fault, in a lot of ways.

2023 is going well – he’s ignoring Michael and they’re not interacting at all. He’s healthy again. He’s driving well. He’s feeling great about himself and his career and his life. He’s not seeing anyone new or anything but it’s okay. He’s learning to love being on his own and learning what he really wants and needs.

And one day he and Yuki are having to do some marketing content and it’s between set-ups and they’re sat around doing nothing much, scrolling their phones, and Yuki is like, so is there anything I should know about why you and Michael don’t talk anymore…

And Daniel supposes Michael hasn’t told Yuki the details, and why should he, it’s no one’s business.

So Daniel is like: nah mate, just things happened and we changed and we got on with it.

And Yuki nods a little, and sets his phone down, and looks at Daniel with those endlessly deep, earnest, pretty dark eyes of his and says: I just wondered because we… me and Michael are… you know…

Daniel frowns a little, eyebrows knitted together as he looks back at Yuki, and asks: you’re what? No, I don’t know.

‘We’re… him and me. We haven’t talked about labels exactly but we are maybe boyfriends I think.’

Daniel can’t hear anything else. He can only stare, confused, until it really registers. Michael is sleeping with Yuki. And Yuki has feelings to the point he thinks they’re a couple.

And that cracks Daniel’s heart apart all over again because is this just who Michael is? Does he just fuck his clients into thinking they’re in a relationship? Because he sure did that to Daniel. And Yuki is eleven years younger that Michael; still young and inexperienced in the world.

So he says: what, are you sure? It’s not just hooking up?

Because like, it has to be, right? He and Daniel had spent a good four and a half years together, exclusive, not seeing anyone else, and they’d still be like that if 2022 hadn’t blown Daniel’s life up.

Right?

And Yuki says: No, it’s more than that. I don’t want to tell you weird stuff about your old trainer so I’ll keep it simple but it’s more than that.

And Daniel laughs. He laughs, and pushes himself back from the table to get up, and Yuki is so young, and sweet, and innocent, and cute, and earnest, but Daniel can’t help himself because his heart is cracked open again because Michael moved on so fucking quickly and it’s with his fucking teammate. So Daniel grabs his phone, and starts to turn away because he can’t see what Yuki’s reaction will be because he doesn’t deserve this at all, and says:

‘Nah, mate. He was fucking me for the last five years. I guess fucking his clients seems to be his thing.’

[herbeloved82]

Lies of omission

It was the anniversary of his turning and Daniel felt restless and empty at the same time. He missed his life. He missed being a writer and a journalist. The adrenaline of getting a new assignment, the rush of endorphins when he caught the person he was chasing down and saw his name at the bottom of an article, possibly when the article was big enough to get the front page. 

For a long time it had been everything he had wanted, and he knew he was damn good at it. Tracking down stories had been his personal brand of drugs, not that Daniel ever shied away from cocaine and psychedelics in the seventies, but those didn’t count. 

The years of riots and human rights battles, when students woke up from a society imposed paralysis and realized the world around them was fucked, were also years to discover themselves through dissent and counterculture. 

Mushrooms and nights in the desert had been a requirement, then the synthetic drugs hit the market and were suddenly available to anyone who wanted them. Daniel wanted to take life in his own hands and devour it with the same greed with which it devoured him in return. His wishes were granted, in a way. Not only had he been devoured by life, but he’d been hollowed out, cut to the quick by someone who claimed to love him.  

Life would consume him, Daniel was well aware of that. He never thought he would have lived long enough to see himself retired and surrounded by children and grandchildren. He was a fire doomed to burn only for a season or two before everything in sight was burnt out to cinders. 

Life didn’t go like he had thought at the end. Sure, he would never get old, he would never have children, but at the same time he would never change now, trapped in his early thirties, in a body most of the time Daniel didn’t even feel as his own. Too much had been done to his body by himself and others and even now, after a whole year with Marius, he didn’t understand why the older vampire would claim to love him. 

What was to love in something as broken as he? 

Of the man he had been, the happy and carefree person who dove headfirst into the unknown, thinking stupidly that he could come out of the experience unscathed and whole, even if perhaps a bit changed. But now, nothing was left. He was now just an empty shell, a ghost of who he was before, never to be the same again. 

Silently he sneaked back inside, after he lied to Marius and told him to go and meet with Thorne, that he would have been fine alone for a few hours. 

He hadn’t  planned to do something stupid, like in the beginning, when Marius had been the only reason why he was still alive, night after night. 

The older vampire made sure he would remember to feed, and when dawn grew closer, it was Marius who came to fetch him and led him to their coffin. It was Marius who chose for them a house with interior rooms without windows, enough for him to move freely without worrying about the sun when he would fall asleep on top of his models. 

Sure it only happened a couple of times before Marius reinforced the rule that if Daniel wasn’t in their shared room at least ten minutes before dawn, Marius would come and take him, no matter how hard Daniel would fight to stay a bit longer with his miniatures, the only thing that gave peace to his tormented mind. 

However Marius wasn’t there now, and it was because Daniel insisted. It was his own doing and now he regretted the moment he lied. He should have asked Marius to stay, telling him he could meet with Thorne another day. 

It didn’t matter now that Thorne needed Marius' advice about what was happening to them as a whole, Marius had other duties now. He was free from the Sacred Parents and their demands. He was free to focus on Daniel, who needed him more than anyone else. 

Those were the thoughts that swirled in his mind, and Daniel hated how needy he sounded but it was the truth, he did need Marius more than anyone else. The others had had their time with him already. Lestat was lucky enough to have him as a mentor and it had been his own fault he had lost Marius so soon. Armand was Marius’ beloved fledgling, his cherub and muse, every time Marius would create something he did so thinking about Armand and no one else. Sure things weren’t good between them; too many mistakes had been made for them to solve  without intensive intervention, but in the very least they spoke. 

For now it was Daniel who had the most need for Marius. He knew there would come a time in which he and Marius would part ways, but that time wasn’t now and it wouldn’t be for long if Daniel had anything to say about it. 

He sighed loudly as he stepped into their room, the one place in the mansion that smelled like a perfect combination of them. The place was immaculate and neat. It was such a strong contrast between what their working rooms looked like: chaotic and messy, so full of items, books, and papers that it would be impossible for anyone else to find anything there. But it worked for them. 

There was a logic in their working disarray, that allowed them to always know where it was what they were looking for, but their room was different. It was like they willingly chose to leave confusion and turmoil behind the heavy, carved door that at dawn separated them from the outside world. 

Here they were safe, from the sun and from themselves. The confusion of their minds was banned from the comforting space they created for themselves, and like never before Daniel was more grateful for that decision. 

Only when he closed the door behind him did he feel like he could breathe again. The big and comforting bed where Marius would hold him those evenings in which Daniel didn’t have the strength to get up and live, even if just a bit, was alluring but too empty. 

He sighed again and cursed himself and his stupidity. Marius should be here. Marius would be here if he wasn’t stupid enough to think he could do without him for a few hours. He couldn’t, that was the simple truth, not today at least. Marius would have stayed and the state of affairs among their kind would have suffered for that, who was he, after all, to put everyone else in danger just because he was too weak to deal with his own shit for a few hours? He didn’t want to appear even more pathetic to Marius’ eyes, even if Marius never thought that of him. It was his guilt and shame speaking and Daniel didn’t know how to shut them up.  

As his eyes roamed the room, looking for something to distract himself, Daniel saw it. It was a red sweater, one that Marius favored among his many, many clothes. He had wanted to wear it today, but then he had changed his mind and it looked like he didn’t have time to put it away. 

Gingerly, Daniel walked to the chair where the sweater laid and took it. For a moment he was happy to just sink his hands in the soft fabric marveling at how soft it was. It was like holding a cloud. A small smile appeared on his face for the first time since Marius left. 

Then it wasn’t enough anymore and Daniel did something he swore he would never do. As a human he had seen too many people getting pathetically obsessed about people way out of their league, or who only saw them as friends, and he promised himself he would never be like that. He would accept if someone didn’t reciprocate his attraction or feelings. He would move on to the next person, for life was too short and Daniel never wanted to waste time on things that were impossible. 

He sunk his face in the sweater, deeply inhaling Marius’ unique scent that permeated the soft wool. Without thinking he laid down, the sweater tightly held in his hands, and waited for sleep to claim him. 

Marius came back home a few moments before dawn, and was greeted by the view of Daniel already half asleep, his sweater hiding his face. 

“Oh sweetheart, what have I done?” He whispered before laying down by Daniel's side, his body heavy already, but not enough to stop him from moving enough so that he was protectively wrapped around his younger lover. 

“It - it smells like you.” Daniel’s drowsy voice answered. 

Tomorrow they would talk about lies of omissions and the importance of being honest with each other, but for now, Marius was happy to allow sleep to take him as he held his dearest boy in his arms. 

Theirs was a long road towards recovery, but for the first time in centuries Marius had a feeling they would make it. 

END                     

[motownfiction]

asters & goldenrod

Around the time he finishes up his associate’s degree, Sam starts a job at Landscape Hero with his dad and Daniel.

He’s a marketing associate, which he frankly finds a little laughable. People work for years to sell products, and here he is, twenty years old, equipped with nothing but a winning smile and encyclopedic knowledge of music. Dad says they can put that to good use. Think of all the songs we could spoof for our TV spots, he says, ignoring Will’s comments about copyright. Pre-law anxieties. Must be nice.

But Sam took the job, anyway. He was tired of being a Slurpee sommelier, tired of standing up and standing still on sticky floors fifty hours a week, tired of recognizing customers’ faces after two or three visits. One should not be familiar with this many strangers’ smoking habits. Sam wanted a job where he could sit down in more reliable heat and air conditioning. He wanted a job where the boss had no choice but to give a shit about him. And he wanted a job where he could hang out with Daniel. The thing about being twenty is that your friends start to disappear, even when they don’t go anywhere.

One afternoon in June, Sam shadows Daniel to a garden he’s planting for some rich people in Bloomfield Hills. Dad has some idea that if Sam sees the garden, he’ll be able to come up with some genius campaign about it. Sam’s not sure about that, but he’ll take it as an excuse for a drive with his friend. Plus, Sadie’s coming along today. Sam’s never been one to pass up the chance to hang out with his twin. Even she is starting to disappear, and they live in the same house.

Ostensibly, Sadie’s tagging along to spend time with Daniel. After all, he’s her boyfriend, and even your boyfriend can disappear on you if you’re not careful. At least, that’s what Sam imagines as he tries not to think about James, Sadie’s study partner whom he kissed and then never saw again. And maybe a part of Sadie is there for Daniel. A big part. Doesn’t erase the part of her that’s there to hang out with Sam. She can feel him slipping, too. Sam knows it just by glancing at her. That’s his face, too, albeit with more lipstick and more freckles.

The garden is coming along beautifully. Even Sam, who has little interest in flowers, knows that. He points to a couple of plants that are growing together. They’re bluish and gold, just like the school that’s eating all his friends. Doesn’t matter, though. They’re still beautiful.

“Hey, Daniel,” Sam calls out. “What’re these?”

Daniel turns his head and smiles, just halfway.

“Ah, those’re asters and goldenrod,” he says. “They’re one of the best floral duos around. Kinda like the Batman and Robin of your garden. Better together than apart.”

His smile gets a little bigger when he walks past Sadie and squeezes her hand. When he goes into the house to talk with the rich lady who owns the place, Sam steps closer to Sadie.

“Asters and goldenrod,” Sam repeats. “You ever heard of them?”

“Of course I have, Sam,” Sadie says. “I’m a girl. Girls like flowers.”

“Guys like flowers. Look at yours.”

“Yeah, but look at you.”

“What about me?”

“You don’t like flowers.”

“I don’t dislike them.”

“Neutrality isn’t liking.”

“Yeah, but it’s not disliking.”

“If we’re not careful, this could turn into an argument about World War II, and I am just not up for that after a whole semester of World War II history.”

“You mean Switzerland?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, fuck Switzerland. But leave me the chocolate.”

Sadie laughs, which makes Sam laugh. Their laughs are sometimes funnier than the jokes themselves. When you spend your whole life hearing someone who looks just like you laugh at something you just said, you start to love the sound. You seek it out, actually, and you wouldn’t know what to do if it were gone. Sam’s laugh settles into a grin. He stares at the asters and goldenrod.

“Pretty,” he says.

“Yeah,” Sadie says. “I was thinking the same thing.”

(part of @nosebleedclub september challenge -- day xii!)

[blamemma]

I see your point about the Enchanté brand stuff, but in my head I thought he was always trying to move in that direction, and I actually think it’s kind of cool. imo I think a lot of driver-specific merch ends up looking the same and feels like a cash grab to me (like “I’m going to put my name on this and a racecar and you’re going to pay $200 for it). Like I love lando but his new LN4 merch is literally a construction worker green hoodie with his logo on it for like $95 I think?

On the other hand I think a lot of work has been put into the drops for Enchanté and the themeing and aesthetics of it. I loved the video he did with Kristen and I don’t think those sorts of things will stop just because he’s not putting his name physically on it anymore. I can understand the most recent drop not including him in the marketing as much because it came around the time he’s been focusing on all of the seat changing stuff. And it’s clear that he’s SO proud of it (he fucking wears it everywhere lmao) so I don’t think he’ll ever step away from it and not be involved.

He may also be only doing one video per “season” since it seems like he’s considering gator tours/cafe/beach club all the “summer” drops.

nah its definitely a thing where this will definitely appeal to people (and it is, new drop has some things that are sold out) and some people it wont and im just one of those people. i dont need his name printed across a t-shirt in big bold lettering across my tits, but i do like small bits of iconography that link back to him/his brand/his personality. to me the brand is losing its identity because, to me, the identity is daniel ricciardo if that makes sense? and i am definitely not implying hes not proud of it, nor that he's not playing an active role, i think he's really passionate about it and loves working on it, and thats why im happy for him if this is the direction its going. i dropped a hefty amount on ric rodeo because i LOVED the stuff, loved the marketing for it, was sold into the whole image of it all and i love all the bits i got from it. however, it was the marketing and daniel that sold it to me. if i was going to drop that amount of money on a normal boring enchante drop vs. a good independent UK based small business clothing brand who have excellent quality....i know who i am going for...i think at the core, thats the point i am trying to make....u take daniel ricciardo out of enchante and sorry but to me enchante just isnt that special or unique enough to be dropping £150+ on???

[yin-yun]

Ok ok i'll continue (*^▽^*)

@lookismaddict

(And also i like historical manhwa's or any fantasy story that might be the cause of the setting in my dreams)

And also foget to tell you all I HAVE A FUCKING SON WITH THAT F#CKING B@STERD

Some parts of the dream i kinda forget but remembered some parts

I love the baby but HATE THE FATHER

the son kinda looks like this

(This is just a reference so you can image it)

I am the daughter of the grandduke's, and i was in a different empire then Daniel's i was in empire where the ruler is F#CK CHARLES CHOI WTFFFFF i was surprised and she(Nana) said that Crystal is my friend but......

B!TCH IF YOU REALLY ARE MY FRIEND YOU COULD HAVE STOP THAT B@STERD OF A DUKE FOR BE#TING ME LIKE IM A F#CKING TOY YOUR THE F#CKING PRINCESS YOU HAVE POWER TO STOP THAT B@STERD same friend you are Crystal 🙄 THIS IS WHY THE FANDOM HATES YOU (sorry if your a Crystal fan)

After that story Nana said i was shock, nervous but mostly angry cuz i have a f#cking @busive gun's for a husband but good thing Gun wasn't there Nana said he went overseas with goo business that Charles orderd they won't come back for at least a year or 2, so a got the mansion all to myself

Yayyyヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ﾉ

but it was pretty boring though, not having technology and sh!t so i changed into a more appropriate clothing the clothes is not a kimono but a more victorian it was a pale blue long sleeve dress/gown with a white floral design and i have a white summer hat pale blue flower design and went outside of the mansion in a carriage, then before i got in i heard a childs voice, i turned around and saw a little boy running and cling to my leg and said "mama, mama can i come, can come" whit this expression on this face o(〃＾▽＾〃)o how can i not say no i love children (not the annoying once) so i let him come, idk i did that i was just curious on how historical/fantasy world is and Gun was nice enough to leave lots when i say lots i say A LOT of money, idk how this fantasy world has a black card but ohhhh well a got a lot of money soooo |(￣3￣)| Im in the market place with Nana and my Hades(my son), we where just walking around and trying food at one point we separated she went with Hades to same random toy store while i was walking around and i saw someone in the alley way and you would not believe who it is 💀💀

It was f#cking Eli he was wearing modern clothes he has bruises and dry blood all over him while holding a sleeping yenna in his hands with very few scratches on yenna, i was surprised and shock but i kinda also fangirling (it was Eli what do you expect me to do 💀) i stop fangirling cuz he was in terrible shape so i called the coach man help him into the carriage and also said to the coach man to call Nana and Hades back, while i was holding yenna so we went back to the mansion I ask Nana if there where doctors here and she said she will call them immediately, as she hurdly go to to a carriage to call a doctor, (there was no doctor in the mansion) i ask the knight/guard to carry Eli into a room and requested a maid to bring me a warm water and a towels and also clean clothes and said to a butler to take Hades to his room, as as they did what i requested and settled yenna beside her father, i unbotton his shirt and dang he got ABS i went anime nose bleed and literary said to myself “control yourself Ashia(not my name) his is in literary almost dead state you need to calm down and help him” as the maid went in with the thing i requested, i gently wipe the dried bl00d and bruises so it won't get infected, i ask a butler to change his clothes after that Nana came back with a doctor, the doctor did a magical examination on him that shock me i was like “dang magic really bro i could do soo many things with it “ψ(｀∇´)ψ” after that thought the doctor was done and when i looked and was shock he was all healed up, the doctor said "he will be fine Duchess Ashia him and the child just needs some rest, im surprised he still alive because of that internal bleeding, but no need to worry i have healed them now" i was relieved on what he said "I'll be leaving now" he continued while bowing and left I dismissed everyone including Nana as i stayed in the room i wanted to admire his face (dont judge me, who wouldn't do that |(￣3￣)|) his handsomer than i expected what i assume was that this Eli is the current design cuz of this hair style and clothes, i was getting bored so i left the room to let him rest by him self

i went to the library and read a book or two i got side track a saw the the sun was setting i ate in the dining room after that i came to check on Eli if he was okay, and i called Nana for some water and food in case he wakes up, i was fixing his blanket and he suddenly open his eyes and looked at me and said "Heather is that you?" That surprised me (Im offended you just called me a d3#d girls name, is it cuz of my f#cking hair!!!?) but i play it cool and said "Im sorry but thats not my name, Im Duchess Ashia" and smile, as he situp he said "Aaa sorry my bad" a forced smile he made "where am I?" He questioned acting calm but i could tell he was panicking but didnt show it i answered his question "Your at the Yamazaki Duchy" i continued with a question "who are you and how did you get into that state on the alley?" he answered me with "Ahhh yeah I forget to introduce myself Im Eli jang, and it was a blur i was fighting with my friend against this man a horrible man that i wanted d3#d" as he look like his about to k!ll someone, it made me nervous and afraid cuz of his expression, when he saw or feel my nervousness he said "Ohh sorry for saying that to you, i must have scared you" he was right and i said "No its alright he must have been a horribly man if you wanted him d3#d" nervously smile cuz im technically the wife of the person he was talking about "you can continue, i want to hear you situation" i said "Ohhh yes i was beaten up badly and collapse before i past out i saw a portal or something and woke up in a forest and surprised yenna is right beside me, i thing the forest healed me cuz when i moved my body didnt hurt" i hummed as he confronted "so i exploded the forest yenna to find anyone, i keep walking nowhere in particular and i heard some thing running fast and getting closer to me the logical thing to do is to run the other way because you are in a unknown place" i'll give you a summary

Eli was attacked by beast or some 4 legged creature he did get away but badly injured while protecting yenna he found Guns territory (he didnt know that ofcourse) that why he was in that alley way

We hear the door opened and saw my baby boy (　＾∇＾) he stomping on his little legs if you saw it it was sooo cute

anyways he came up to me and said " mama story time" he was pouting at me while continuing "do you love this man more than me, is that why you'd help that commoner from that alley way" that surprised, 'he really is Guns son' "Hades dont call people that, i helped him because he was injured and with that little girl" i scolded him, when i looked at Eli he was surprised to say the least "You have a child, but you look so young" I laughed and kinda teased him "dont you have a child also, why cant i?" I saw him having a small blush maybe cuz of embarrassment "i was just kidding, but yes I am 17(i found out my age is the same in real life) and have a child with my husband" he was shock, ngl i am too when i foundout "your 17?" He questioned "yes, but im turning 18 in a month"(same calendar) i answered "and how old is your son?" I sighed 'i know where this is going' i was about to answer but Hades cut me off "im 7 and dont you dare hit my mom" while pouting and angrily stomping walking infront of me with a protective manner.

And my dream stop there and i wake up

thank for reading i appreciated it, if you want i can do more of story telling of my dream, just let me know good day/night my darlings~ （＾ｖ＾）

@lookismaddict Bro i got another dream of gun just last night, istg that this man is really haunting me 💀

Story time:

Ok it started like last time i wake up in a room (the same f#cking room 🤡) it was morning this time im wearing a kimono a different design it was like a brown color the design is like a branch of petals with different shades of orange, blue and dark brown to black it was pretty, but back to the story the kimono was covering me but my shoulder was exposed i was covered with bandages and there where some exposed bruises abd black spots, i saw the door slide open and a girl come in she was around 16-14 yrs old she was carrying a bucket of water and a towel, i had assumed that she was a maid cuz of the clothes she was wearing and what she was carrying, i was right about that cuz she said to me is "my lady im glad your ok!!!!" she cried "the master is an @sshole for doing that to you" while she said that angrily i was so confused on who this girl is, as she continues "so what if you talked to that prince of Seoul, the prince is WAY better that him, i hope master d!e in a the most clueless way possible for the thing that he have done to you!!!" i was nervous to say the lest but she didnt noticed, she was business cussing that "master" guy, when i calmed down a bit i ask "who are you, and what happened?" she looked at me as she was calming down and said "you must have forgotten like the other time this had happend" as she told everything to me that had happened, I'll give y'all a summary of this

first of all WTFFFFFFF IM GUN'S F#CKING WIFEEEEE his WIFE i rather D!E then become his wife i assume that i was his concubine or something because of last time but NOOOOO I HAD TO BE HIS WIFE, OF F#CK SAKE

second I WAS IN A COMA FOR MONTH AND HALF i was not surprised about that, im getting side tracked here i'll continue

After that i learned her name was Nana and she was one of my personal maids and i also learned that the prince she mentioned was Daniel and that we where friends, in her story she said that me and gun are in a ball or some celebration and lot of different kingdom where there, i was close with Daniel cuz we went to the sa school as children, and she also said the my father was the grandduke of Seoul Empire.

idk if y'all want me to continue but i'll leave it at that.

P.S thanks for reading this (≧∇≦)/

[taeescript]

29+1 (Part One)

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰: In which Seokjin is the Devil from The Devil Wears Prada, Taehyung is your work Jesus and Jimin is your handsome successful brother. 

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: seokjin x reader (taehyung x reader if you squint real hard) 

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: slice of life; ceo!seokjin (diva!seokjin)

𝔴𝔠: 3.6k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: heavy use of alcohol as a coping mechanism, a plethora of sarcasm (please don’t be offended) and a sprinkle of softness (is that a warning?). 

𝔞/𝔫: this sat in my unwritten folder since 2017 no lie. I wrote the premise and a singular paragraph at that time, then just gave up. I opened it a few days ago, got inspired again and this word vomit came out (heavily influenced by a midnight Zoom call with my friends). Ngl this was so much fun to write, and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did. This will probably be in three parts.  𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔠𝔩𝔞𝔦𝔪𝔢𝔯: I did not know that DailyHive is an actual online news source when writing. This work is purely fictional and has absolutely nothing to do with the real DailyHive. 

part two

Your friends have a saying: After 29, nobody shares their age until they’ve accomplished something. 

In the past, you didn’t understand it. What’s so bad about saying you’re 30 or you’re 32? That’s still a young age! Sure, you’re not exactly in your prime anymore but you’re not old, right?

So, you continue in your own wondrous world of naïveté until that fateful day at your class reunion. You had simply been walking around, minding your own business when you had been stopped by an old colleague.

“Hey, Y/N, right?” she waves you down. 

You smile kindly, not even bothering to try and remember her name (you sucked at names, what could you say). 

“Hey…you!” you chuckle lightly, “How have you been doing?” 

An everyday question leading to catastrophic effects. 

“Oh you know,” she says and rolls her eyes as if you truly did know, “I’ve just been out and about. Did I tell you though? I got married last year!” She holds out her hand in which a giant diamond adorns her finger. “Wow!” you gasp, feigning interest. It’s not that you aren’t happy for her, but you are reminded of just how single you are currently. When was the last time you felt another human’s touch? Does kissing come back as easily as riding a bicycle? “Hey!” she says suddenly, “I’m actually meeting with a couple of friends from our class. You should come join! I’m sure they’d be happy to see you again!” You want to wave her off, but against your better judgment, you find yourself following in her footsteps and listening to her speak about wedding venues and honeymoon destinations.

“Oh my god!” another female voice filters in.

The “couple of friends” this old classmate had mentioned is in fact a fairly impressive size of twenty. This is also the third time the wedding announcement has been made. 

“Last year?” the female continues, “Weren’t you young?”

Yes, you want to respond. Yes she was young. A full 365 days younger than she is now.

Your classmate, Sooyoung (or Kiko as she insists going by now) titters in front of you. “I mean, you can sort of say I’m a late bloomer. I got married when I was 31.”

Her words unintentionally cut into you. Here you are at 29 without a beau in sight. You take a fast swig of your beer and end up hitting the empty glass with a clink to your teeth. Nobody notices.

“Enough about me, however, how about you?”

“I started my own business actually. It’s been doing really well and it’s been a crazy mind. Imagine me, my own boss at only 33!”

You nervously join them when they suddenly laugh together.  

“Hi, can I get another pint please? Actually add a tequila shot to that,” you whisper the last part to the waitress you had just stopped.

And that was how the rest of the night went. People asking one another what they had accomplished. Any moment in time after 30 would not be mentioned until somebody travelled to Uganda to build houses at 31 or another gave birth at the same age. Below 30, anything would be attributed to luck or in your case…

“What are you doing currently?” somebody asks you, “The little baby of our class.”

Swallowing your third tequila shot of the night, you wonder for the umpteenth time how you had become a part of this giant sharing circle. You wonder if it’s a blessing or a curse that you had graduated a little early and thus was younger than most of your peers.

“Well,” you start, “I’m currently working at DailyHive.”

“Ohh!” a man gushes. You recognize him as the once-upon-a-time science partner you used to cheat notes off of. “I use DailyHive nearly as much as Instagram these days. You guys cover everything from news to sports to fashion.”

You shrug. “Yeah. It’s, uh… it’s a pretty big company!”

“What are you doing there?”

Kiko-ex-Sooyoung hits the man teasingly on the shoulder. “Y/N is probably the Director of Marketing or something. Remember how she used to spend all class doodling in her notebook?”

“Or sleeping!” someone quips.

You don’t join in when they all laugh.

“I’m…an intern,” you say with as much pride as you can in a group of established professionals ranging from dermatologists to that one guy who had flown around the world as a TedTalk guest speaker.

A hushed silence befalls everyone.

“That’s…cool!” the same man encourages you, “Interns are totally rad! Everyone wants an intern spot these days.”

His girlfriend pats your arm, almost empathetically. “Yeah. I know a bunch of people who first start off as interns and then they shoot up the ladder quick enough. As long as you’re no longer an intern at 30, you’re golden!”

Once again, the entire group laughs as if she has said the most hilarious of jokes.

She composes herself and says to you, “Because after that, you should have accomplished something.”

Her words still ring in your ears as you sit at your desk this morning.

Yeah…something. All you need to do is accomplish something in the next three months before you are officially, 29 + 1.

Your fingers tap against your thighs silently while you observe the current debate that is occurring in the conference room. You barely have time to sweep the falling hair back behind your ear as your fingers ferociously fly across the keyboard to keep in track with the meeting.

Fei is arguing that the implement of a new search word system would boost users while Daniel says that it is a waste of resources. Instead, everything should be put into updating the entire system as a whole. You have long since lost track of their words as neither pertain to what you do as an intern.

“Enough,” the CEO of DailyHive holds up a hand. His one word causes the entire room to hush over – truly, the words of a god.

And that might as well be what he is. With his hair swept back and a lone tendril curling perfectly above his brow, Kim Seokjin is legitimately a walking god. Off his broad shoulders hang an expensive white linen suit bought with his pocket change and your yearly salary. A pair of sunglasses hangs in the V of the collared shirt dipping low enough to blur the lines between being fashionably professional and just downright sexy.

The snap of his fingers brings you back to the present.

He dramatically rolls his eyes and accepts that you are an incompetent minute-taker.  

“I have to remember that the world just doesn’t move as fast as I do.”  

                                                            - Quote: Rolling Stones 2019 Kim Seokjin.

Now if only he’d remember he had once said that.

He points at each of them with one finger, then swipes to the left. “Both of you, solve this outside. I don’t want to hear your voices any longer. You two from the marketing team, Ungroomed Stache and Acne Chin, create me a report if we are to implement Ms. Song’s idea. The two of you from…” he takes a pause here clearly having forgotten who his employees are, “The two of you do the same thing but for Mr. Hwang.”

The pair from accounting open their mouth to protest that they are in charge of only numbers, but they are ignored.

“All of you out now. Except you,” he points his finger directly at you, “Stay.”

Nobody utters a single word until they have all left and you are left alone with him. Standing before him with your hands folded nicely in front of you, you blink and wait.

He stares right back at you, picks up his coffee mug and drops it. The clatter of ceramic smashing against the ground causes a pause in the loud buzz outside the room. You know everybody’s focus has been shifted into the room.

“Do you want to kill me?” he drawls.

You take a long inhale. “No,” you say.

“No?” he repeats the word, “Well I think you do. Did you check this coffee before you brought it to me? I tasted cinnamon in it. You know how I’m allergic to cinnamon. Get me a new cup. And this mess, get somebody to clean it. I don’t want the smell of coffee in this room when I have my next meeting here in twenty. I’m taking a smoke a break.”

He stands up and brushes past you without saying anything else.

Nobody can be allergic to cinnamon. Besides if he had actually tasted cinnamon and was that sensitive, he would be dead. And good riddance to that.

Of course, you say none of this and wordlessly begin to pick up the broken ceramic pieces of the dead mug. The bustling outside the meeting room has returned back to its normal state of chaos. Seeing the ugly stain of coffee on the once pristine carpet causes you to swear beneath your breath.

“Who the fuck is allergic to cinnamon?” a new voice says, sliding up beside you.  

The second god in DailyHive; the much nicer and evidently preferred Kim; Taehyung takes the mug pieces from you and drops it into the garbage bin.

Blessed with not only intelligence but devilishly model-like features, he is your desk buddy in the small space allotted for interns and your sole friend in the company.

“Tae,” you sigh with exasperation upon seeing your lifesaver, “What am I going to do about this stain? He’s going to return in fifteen and there’s no way I can get a coffee stain out of this expensive-ass carpet.”

Taehyung taps a long finger to his lips, leaves the room briefly, and returns with a roll of Bounty sheets and a can of Febreze. He promptly blots as much of the coffee off from the carpet then proceeds to pull the meeting table.

“C’mon, Y/N, don’t just stand there. Help me! Time is of the essence!”

You laugh and join him in moving the table so that one of the legs cover the stain 80% of the way. Once he is satisfied, he takes the Febreze and sprays until the whole room smells like “Hawaiian Aloha”.

“You’re welcome.” He gives an extravagant bow, the motion popping open the top button of his shirt to expose a surprisingly chiseled chest.

Fei returns back into the room holding a phone to her ear and a clipboard in her left hand. “What the hell? It smells like a Bath & Body Works in here. Intern, aren’t you supposed to be filing or something? Stop standing around and be useful.” She grips Taehyung’s arm and drags him out of the room. “Button up. This is a professional workplace.”

You give him a tiny wave as Taehyung is steered away by his girlfriend and back to the cubicles.

Taehyung may be your saviour at work, but outside, it cannot be denied that your brother is the true Fountain of Life.

A week has passed since the coffee incident (you suspect a cleaning personnel had found the stain and cleaned up after your improv as aforementioned stain can no longer be found), but Jimin still brings it up.

“I still can’t believe that he said he was allergic to cinnamon. I’ve never heard of such bullshit before,” your brother says over the phone. You can practically hear his eyeroll from across the world.

As a renowned ophthalmologist, you have not seen Jimin for close to a year as he has been initiating his new clinic, a flying eye hospital.

“You should hear his Starbucks order. I always feel like I’m ready to launch my next EP whenever I’m at the counter,” you say.

Jimin laughs. There is the muffled sounds of voices as his never-ending flow of patients have arrived for the day.

“I shouldn’t keep you,” you say upon hearing that, “You’re probably really busy.”

“No,” he says, “I’ve got a few minutes if you’ve got a few. I miss talking to my baby sister.”

“I’m not a baby anymore, Jiminie,” you say using the nickname he hated.

“Oh that’s right. Your birthday’s in a little under three months, right? My baby sister is turning the big three-oh.”

“God, don’t remind me.”

“Want me to come visit you?”

You contemplate the idea once, having not seen Jimin in quite a while.

“Only if you have time. But I feel like Mom and Dad would probably want to see you more. Speaking of which, um… How are Mom and Dad?”

“They’re good. I hear Dad is finally going to retire this year. He’s giving his practice to Kibum, you remember him? Mom will probably start pestering us about what to do for his retirement party.”

There is a pause.

“You know, it wouldn’t hurt to say hi to them once in a while.”

You sigh. “And say what? Hey, it’s me. The child that ran away from home at 18? Yeah, I’m not a doctor like everybody else in the family but a 29 year old intern at a popular app company. Whassuuup?”

“Y/N, that’s not what I – ”

“It’s okay, Jimin. I’ve come to accept that not everybody is cut out to be a doctor. I just wish Mom and Dad could realize that.”

Jimin sighs on your behalf. There is the sound of a crying child coming through the earphone. “Well, your contract expires a few weeks after your birthday, right? Who knows, you might be the next Mark Zuckerberg.”

He has never explicitly inquired about your life plan and you know this is as much as he is willing to push without asking, “What’s next after this intern hiccup?” At least he had the decency to compare you to a controversial Internet entrepreneur.

The child is crying much louder now.

“Again with my birthday. But I’ll let you know,” is the only reply you can come up with at the moment. “Okay, brother, go forth and heal the blind. I bless thee in the name of the Holy Spirit, Son and Ghost.”

There is true laughter that rings from Jimin as he ends the call. “It’s Father, Son and Holy Ghost you dweeb. I love you sis.”

“You too.” You hang up first before he can add anything else.

With that, you enter into the 7am Starbucks queue and prepare yourself in running the first single of your long overdue EP.

Seokjin leans back in his chair, watching you from inside his office. Today he has chosen a black turtleneck and a brazen maroon-nearly purple suit jacket to complete the outfit. For once, there is an empty mug of coffee beside him and his morning headache has been appeased.

He knew he had given you an impossible task.

“Compile all the troubleshooting errors we have received since the launch of DailyHive. Organize it in a manner that allows me to identify the most prominent problem. Run it through whomever you please before giving it to me. I don’t need to waste my time correcting your mistakes.”

There is an amused smile that bubbles beneath his otherwise stoic features. He cannot deny that there is, might he dare say, a cute quality about you as you manually scan through the received concerns on your laptop dating back to the initial beta tests – the ones that were lost in a data crash and only backed up with unintelligible scribblings of previous interns.

The moment you had been introduced as the new intern, you had caught his eye. You are exquisitely mundane, and perhaps the reason you had even caught him the first time was due to solely to the fact that you were older than most interns – himself even. Nevertheless, you continue to present him small surprises in your tenacity and capability to tackle challenges.

“Mr. Kim.”

His intercom comes alive with the voice of his secretary.

Seokjin’s eyes do not leave you as he answers.

“Mr. Hwang is on line two. Would you like me to defer him to a later time if you are currently busy?”

Seokjin cannot help but sigh. Hwang Junho, his co-founder, while a genius in international business is also a notorious chatterbox and gossip. There is seldom a reason for Junho to call him except to relay the cover titles of E!Magazine.

“Did he mention a reason for calling?” Seokjin inquires.

His secretary seems to be reading from a note. “He says it’s to do with the company. Something he read from Cosmopolitan this morning.”

So not E! but another sister celebrity gossip blog. He checks his watch and duly notes that he certainly has no meetings scheduled until later in the afternoon where your report would be needed to run a preliminary analysis.

“Sir?”

“Yes, put him through. But tell him I’ve got only five minutes, so he’s better give me the Cliffnotes version,” Seokjin sighs again.

Before he can be connected, Seokjin quickly says, “What’s the name of that intern again?”

“Who?” his secretary asks, “We’ve hired four since the beginning of the year.”

“The one who keeps wanting to poison me.”

“I’m sorry, Sir?” she sounds concerned.

“The one who keeps forgetting that I despise cinnamon.”

There is no response.

“The older one. Spilled coffee a while ago but still has enough coordination to pull together a decent report.”

“Ah,” she says.

He waits patiently as she searches through the database, eventually giving him your name. He gives a slight pause and then says, “Good. Now patch me with Junho.”

There is a momentary buzz as the call becomes connected in which Seokjin turns over the syllables of your name wordlessly.

“Mr. Kim. The man of the hour. How are you, my brother?” Junho’s baritone fills the office in a manner of seconds.

Despite the little annoying quirks, Seokjin cannot help but smile when hearing the voice of his best friend.

“You’ve got three minutes, Junho.”

Junho grumbles. “That’s not my fault. You were the one still on the line with your secretary. Is it still Yerin? ‘Cuz I won’t blame you if that’s the case. Did I catch you doing some naughty phone sex during office hours?”

“Two.”

“Holy hell. Fine. It’s always business with you. That’s why the tabloids are always writing you as an uptight asshole.”

This shifts Seokjin’s attention to the phone. His name is seldomly mentioned except for the features in business columns. He prefers to stay out of the limelight.

“What?”

“Put your name on Google.”

Seokjin does as he is told.

There are millions of results, but the first few pages share the same headline. He clicks on the first one with a grimace.

“Kim Seokjin. Mr. Worldwide Handsome as noted by his fans, has recently sparked Internet outrage.”

A quick skim of the otherwise trashy article brought to the surface a summary: his last dating scandal had ended badly and the repercussions of blowing off a famous celebrity’s daughter had finally caught up with him. The Internet was calling him arrogant, narrow-minded, and even greedy. “The young Chief Executive Officer of booming social media app DailyHive has been accused of using his relationship with actress XYZ to further his own business. Once he gained recognition from aforementioned relationship, he has cold-heartedly cast her away to pursue his next.” “You’re calling me for this bullshit?” Seokjin scoffs. Junho tuts his tongue loudly. “This is not bullshit. It’s affecting the image of your company. Do you think people want to download and support an app that is run by somebody who is being called cruel and dishonest? You’ve got to address this soon before it gets out of control. You’re lucky I have alerts set for these type of things. I caught it for you just in the nick of time.” Seokjin inhales deeply. “You’re also lucky that I’ve got the perfect solution in mind.” “That is?” “The Silver Gala,” Junho references the prestigious event. The Silver Gala is hosted annually and attended by the largest celebrities as well as other wealthy investors and guests. Those in the social circle shared between Seokjin and Junho often yearned for tickets to attend events such as this, as they serve as excellent networking opportunities. Besides the above, such events are circled by reporters and writers of gossip columns to get the exclusive scoop on any eyebrow-raising rumours. “The solution lies in such an event,” Junho continues, “You know how many people will be there. All you’ve got to do is show up with your average girl-next-door type and it’ll show how you’re actually really humble and down to earth. Kim Seokjin is perfectly capable of dating like any regular human being. He doesn’t use “love” or whatever to further his business. Love is the connection between two souls; two individuals who – ” “Beep. Your time has run out Junho. I’ve got another meeting scheduled right this moment,” Seokjin interrupts. “Dude, seriously. Think about it. You could bring Yerin. Everbody loves a good CEO and his secretary affair. And if that’s too juicy for you, I can introduce you to some girls. Or maybe we could go back to our university days and hit a bar, y’know?” Junho tries his best to persuade. “Fuck!” you swear beneath your breath right as you walk into Kim Seokjin’s office. His door had been open and, in your excitement to show your completed report, you had dropped all the loose papers on the ground. Four hours of organization gone, just like that. You hope that at least Seokjin hasn’t heard or noticed you as he had been engrossed in his phone call. Seokjin had in fact noticed you. He can’t help himself but follow the curvature of your bare shoulder as your bangs escape the hold of your scrunchie and sweep across your skin. “Don’t worry, Junho, I’ve just thought about it,” he says with a smile.

[normallyxstranger]

Fictober22(@fictober-event) Day 9 —  "Sounds like a you problem."

featuring Aaron Slater — a character from The New Ashton Chronicles, written & role-played by F.R. Southerland (@normallyxstranger | @frsoutherlandauthor | www.frsoutherland.com) © October 2022

original fiction

general warnings: strong language, tobacco use, alcohol use, violence mention

     The dimly lit atmosphere of Ludlow’s Bar was just perfect for shady dealings like these. Underground black market shit wasn’t an in-the-light-of-day thing. A demon dive bar was suited for it, especially given Ludlow managed a lot of those dealings himself. The big demon was good at it, but so was Aaron. Neither of them took shit from anyone and pulled no punches. A mutually beneficial relationship if there ever was one. They worked well together, when the need for it arose.

     But neither of them were running Underground shit tonight. Just business of the mundane. A bartender and his customer. 

     The sallow-skinned demon slid a drink across the bar with a grunt, rolls of bulk shifting with the movement. It wasn’t just fat, Aaron knew, but muscle too. He’d seen Ludlow take out a guy with a single blow of a meaty fist. Thank the gods they were on the same side.

     He gave a nod in the demon’s direction, accepting his whiskey. Aaron downed half of it in one gulp, then reached for his pack of cigarettes. He placed one to his lips, struck a flame off the tip of his thumb, and took a deep inhale.

     For once, it was a slow night. Some mellow classic rock played on the jukebox in the corner, the music actually audible without the raucous noise from the usual demon and vampire patrons. Glancing over his shoulder, he eyed the only few customers around tonight. Blue-gray smoke wafted upwards, dissipating when he gave a scoff and turned back to Ludlow.

     “Does it seem too fucking quiet tonight?”

     Ludlow said nothing, peering at him with rheumy eyes. Always a demon of a few words. Aaron could respect that. Too bad he’d had just enough to drink tonight to feel a good buzz and get his tongue loose. Not much of a talker himself, every now and again, he wanted the noise of words to drown out his own fucking thoughts.

     “It’s too fucking quiet.” He finished off his whiskey and gestured for another. Ludlow delivered a fresh one right away, then sought out a grimy rag to wipe down the bar. He gave no indication that he’d heard. Aaron went on.

     “Even with the music, it’s like—too many fucking thoughts and shit. Not enough distraction and noise. I need—” But he cut himself off. “I don’t know what I need. Something that ain’t fucking here.”

     Ludlow tossed the rag aside, gave a grunt, and said his first words—and probably only words—of the evening in his deep, rumbling voice. “Sounds like a you problem.”

    Aaron’s mouth turned up in a half-smirk. He leaned back on the stool, ran a hand over his beard scruff, and finally let out a resonant chuckle. “Shit, man. Ain’t gotta point out the obvious.” He wasn’t wrong though. “Valid point, but don’t fucking remind me again, alright? I’m trying to forget shit here. Drown out all that. You get me?” He ought to. They’d had this conversation before—or something like it. 

    With another grunt, Ludlow grabbed the rest of the Jack Daniel’s, set the bottle on the bar with a small thunk, and grabbed a glass for himself.

     “Yeah,” Aaron murmured, smirk morphing into a grin. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

[dameronology]

to make a house a home {agent whiskey}

summary: just a soft weekend away in kentucky w/ our fave cowboy {for @zazzysseoul - thank u so much for ur support and i hope you enjoy!}

warnings: i think one or two swear words? but nothing else!

enjoy,

- jazz

Jack Daniels was good at reading people.

It was part of his job. He had to be observant, had to have a working understanding of body language and non-verbal signals. He was especially diligent about it when it came to you; it wasn’t a purposeful thing, but rather an instinct to keep an eye on the person he loved most in the world. He could read you like a book and some days, it felt like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and maybe he did. There was really no telling with Jack. Every time you finally thought you had experienced every little quirk and trait he had to offer, he managed to pull something out the bag. Whether it was his ability to predict a bad mood before it happened or the way he remembered every tiny little detail of a conversation, he was constantly proving himself to be one hell of a partner.

It was no surprise; Jack thought you deserved the best and so, that’s what he tried to give you. He didn’t often let people into his life, especially not after so much loss, but from the moment you’d met, he knew he could trust you. He’d always been a brilliant judge of character and he’d been completely right about you. You’d turned his entire world upside down; taught him how to love again and reminded him that the things he’d lost could be found again, just with a little care and patience. The empty house he used to come to was filled with love and laughter and little marks of you and him; photos from your various trips, magnets on the fridge, that he brought home from all the countries his job took him to, the little notes you left on his nightstand when you had to slip out for work before he rose. The first time Jack had come through the front door and almost tripped over your shoes, he’d cried - not out of anger or shock, but at the realisation that he was no longer alone. 

Jack had the innate desire to look after you. He knew you could handle yourself but that didn’t mean that you had to. You’d been there for him in every sense of the world, and he wanted to do the same, to make sure that you felt appreciated every second of every day. In his mind, if you ever questioned his love or loyalty, then he wasn’t doing his job right. That desire translated into little things, rather than grand displays of affection; he’d do your laundry when you worked late, sent you sweet texts through out the day and brought you flowers just because. It wasn’t uncommon to find that Jack had filled up your car with gas without asking, or to come home to your favourite take out. 

His biggest way, however, was in how well he knew you. Every slight change in demeanour and every variation in the tone of your voice was caught by him; he knew when you were okay, and he knew when you weren’t. He could tell when you were half-way between, and he’d do his best to bring you back to the lighter side. You take comfort in the fact he always had your back, no ifs or buts. 

When Jack woke up early one morning to find your side of the bed empty, he immediately knew that was something was up; the second his palm reached out for you, only to be met with a fistful of cold sheets, he knew. You never got out of bed early. There could have been an atomic war happening outside and you still would have refused to move, insisting on five more minutes before nuclear winter hit. The bathroom light was off and there wasn’t anything you could have found in the kitchen. After all, you’d only arrived at the ranch a few hours earlier. You were both tired from a few long weeks at work and escaping the suffocating fog of the city for the rolling hills and fresh air of Kentucky felt like heaven. 

Jack sat up, pausing for a moment. There was a gentle creek coming from somewhere; it was steady and rhythmic, ringing from the porch. His shoulder slumped wit relief - you were outside on the porch swing. At 6AM on a cold, winter’s morning. The relief was shorting lived. 

Pulling on his robe, Jack rubbed his eyes and headed out towards the porch. Sure enough, you were the first thing he saw, shoulders covered by the plaid shirt he’d worn the previous day and fluffy socks gently brushing against the floor with the movement of the swing. The light above you illuminated you in a soft smoulder, a golden glow cast over you, illuminating your tired eyes and disheveled hair. He would have lectured you about the cold, had you not had a knitted blanket around you. 

‘Bit early for you, ain’t it?’ Jack leant against the door frame, gently smiling when your eyes met. 

‘What’s early when you haven’t slept yet?’ You aimlessly joked. 

Lifting up the blanket, you silently gestured for him to come and sit next to you. Jack obliged, dropping down beside you and winding a large arm around your shoulder. He pulled you into his chest, placing a kiss on your temple. His warm body was a welcome feeling against the cold of the January air. 

‘What’s keeping you up?’ He softly coaxed. 

‘I don’t know, to be honest.’ You replied. ‘It’s just been a long week.’

‘I get that.’ His voice was slightly murmured. He pulled you even closer, chin resting on your head. ‘But we’re here now, sugar. I think we both need the down time.’

‘Definitely.’ You said. ‘Plus, the view isn’t so bad.’

The ranch overlooked a large field filled with cows and horses; it stretched out for miles, fading away into the distance into a seemingly endless close. The edges of the green pasture were tinged with the pink of a tonic sun rise, pushing away the dark of the night sky. It wasn’t often that you got to watch the sun come up, and it felt a little refreshing to see a new day come. It was fresh; a clean slate, young and naive, but full of possibility. An ironic thought, given that you and Jack were probably going to lay on the sofa the whole day and order take out. 

‘You’re right.’ He murmured from beside you.

‘Are you doing that thing where you look at me when I’m talking about a nice view?’ You peered up at him, thinning your eyes. 

‘You said it was romantic!’

‘The first five times, Jack!’ You chuckled, leaning up to press a kiss to his jaw.

‘Nothing is sacred anymore.’

You settled back against his chest with a smile. ‘I like it here.’

‘Me too.’ He agreed. ‘It’s nice to get away from the Apple. Everything over there if faster than a knife fight in a damn phone booth.’

‘And it doesn’t smell of pizza and...pee.’

You loved New York dearly; it had been your home for many years, and it was also where you’d met Jack. But, whether it was your permanent home, you didn’t know. There were some days when it all got so much. The city never quietened down and you could never quite escape it, even in the comfort of your own apartment. Out here, you were worlds away from that. Crickets were gently purring in the distance, and the only other sound came from the rustling of the animals in the field across the road. It was peaceful. Serene. 

‘What if we moved out here when I’m done at the Statesman?’ Jack posed, almost as though he were shy about broaching the subject. ‘We could get a couple horses. Maybe a dog. Heck, if you want a zoo, I’ll get you a zoo.’

‘I’d like that.’ You smiled. ‘I mean living here, not the zoo thing - but a dog and horses sounds nice.’

‘Then a dog and horses we shall get.’ He grinned. ‘Oh! I can teach you to ride.’

‘Or I could just watch you do it.’

‘There’s not a single person in this here town who can’t ride a horse.’ Jack said. ‘Unless a pony would be better.’

‘Why not both? We have enough room.’ You reminded him. ‘Maybe we can re-tile the kitchen too. It’s not that I don’t like the green, it’s just it’s...’

‘...dreadful?’

‘That’s a nice way of putting it.’

Because you didn’t live on the ranch full time, neither of you had put too much effort into making it homely. It was liveable, by all means, but the television in the living room dated back to the first Bush administration and the kitchen was a little too lime for your liking. The place had come furnished by the old owners, which had been a big selling point for Jack. He just wanted somewhere he could live whilst he was in Kentucky and this place had been practical. It wasn’t until you and your eye for interior design came along that he realised how retro it was. 

‘There’s a hardware store down the road.’ Jack said. ‘We can get a couple hours sleep and head down there later to see what they got.’

‘Maybe we can find something less green.’ 

‘I sure fucking hope so.’

---

The next morning, you and Jack bundled up into some warmer clothes and piled into the Bronco, heading for the store downtown. The actual city was miles out, but there lots of little local and independent places. There were little cafes and restaurants, as well as farmers’ markets and fresh produce. You had thought about living here permanently before, but you hadn’t verbalised it until Jack had suggested it first. Given everything that had happened in the past, you’d wanted to do things at his pace, but so far, you’d been perfectly in tune with one another. That was a testament to your relationship as a whole. 

‘I just smiled at that woman and she smiled back.’ You muttered to Jack, peering up at the store as you headed through the parking lot. 

‘And?’

‘I once smiled at a stranger on the Subway and they told me to piss off.’ 

Jack chuckled, reaching out to wind his arm around yours. He tangled your fingers together, pulling you flush against his side. It was easier to show physical displays of affection here too. He was always a little paranoid in the city, given how busy it was and how easy it would have been to for an enemy to hide. That was another thing Jack did without thinking; taking tiny little precautions to protect you. He couldn’t even begin to think about losing you. And the thought never popped up here. Never. Only in the city, where everything was loud and overwhelming.

The store itself was pretty big - it was good for you, but confusing for Jack. You had Pinterest boards with inspiration for all your hypothetical future houses, whilst Jack couldn’t the difference between ivory and sand. So, true to character, he let you tighten your grip on his arm and drag him towards the kitchen section, eyes wide like a kid in a candy store. You had a green blank canvas to go wild on, because probably would have agreed to anything. It wasn’t that he was a walk-over, or because he was lazy, he was just genuinely terrible at interior design. Introducing him to build mode on the Sims 4 had been traumatic enough. 

You didn’t have to decide anything immediately - after all, he’d said he wanted to move out here after he was done at Statesman. That was just as likely weeks as it was years. He did complain about his job giving him a bad back but you also knew that he enjoyed it. It was all he’d known for such a long time, and he’d worked hard to get to the top. Unbeknownst to you, he’d drop it all in a second if you wanted to relocate now. Even if he had the best job in the world and all the money he could ever want, the only thing Jack really needed was you.

‘Where do we even start?’ He asked, brown eyes staring confusedly at some paint samples. 

‘We start with the most important rooms - living room, kitchen, bedroom.’ You replied. ‘I’m thinking something midcentury for downstairs. What d’you think?’

‘Midwhatnow?’ His brows furrowed. 

You laughed. ‘Midcentury. So think...Bauhaus. Mid 60s sort of thing.’

‘Right.’ Jack nodded, getting a clearer idea. ‘How about you just to point to things and I’ll either shake my head or nod?’

Yeah, that sounded like a better idea.

And so, you began your trek around the store. Your Pinterest boards came in handy, especially for the kitchen - even Jack was grateful for them, because it meant you moved a little quicker. He did die inside a little when you grabbed a huge trolley and began piling it up with kitchen tiles, counters and cabinet doors, and even more so when you casually asked ‘you’re good at DIY, right?’

He didn’t complain though, not once. The sight of you rushing around the store, face lighting up at lamp shades and paint samples, was one of the best things he’d ever seen. Not only because it was hilarious, but also because it was the first time you really planned for your future. There was sort of an unspoken agreement that this was it, and that you were both in it for the long run, but neither of you had made any verbal plans together. You’d moved in together back in the city, but that had happened naturally. You’d started staying over and over more and more to sleep in his fancy Statesman bed and use his heavenly marble bathtub, and you came over one weekend and just never left. 

After a few hours, Jack finally had to put a stop to your antics. 

‘Okay, darlin’, I think we’ve reached the threshold now.’ He called. ‘We don’t need a new lighting fixture for the downstairs bathroom.’

You huffed. ‘Placing it back on the shelf.’

‘Fine.’

‘We’re gonna have a hard time getting in this car as it is.’ He held his arm out to you, signalling for you to come back to him. 

‘I’ll have to come back for the upstairs then.’ You muttered. 

‘We’ve gone from painting the kitchen to gutting the whole damn ranch, baby.’ Jack replied. ‘We’re only here for two more days anyways.’

‘Damn. I forgot about that.’ Your eyes widened. ‘I guess we better start today, then.’

--

This was supposed to be a relaxing weekend. 

Relaxing! 

And yet somehow, Jack Daniels was stood in the middle of his now half-demolished kitchen, a sledge hammer in one hand and a glass of his namesake whiskey in the other. He couldn’t deny that it had been fun to rip out the cabinets and tear off the tiles. He’d despised the colour of the kitchen for so long that it felt good to finally get rid of them, even if it meant that the tedious process of putting on the new ones came immediately after. You’d gone for simple black and white ones, with some mosaic ones for a...what had you called it? A feature wall or something. Apparently it added character (something he took your word for). 

‘So what’s the paint for?’ Jack frowned, taking a brush as you handed it to him. 

‘For the living room.’ You grabbed him by the shirt, dragging him out the kitchen.

‘But the kitchen isn’t done-’

‘- I’m bored of the kitchen.’ You said. ‘You don’t mind, do you?’

‘Course not, angel.’ He pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

After grappling with covering the furniture up, you and Jack began to paint. It wasn’t too hard of a process; he just sort of whacked it on, whilst you had a much more meticulous process. So what if he got a splash of grey on the light switch? Actually, on second second thought, he should probably wipe that off.

Besides, it only took him five minutes to get sidetracked. The sight of you stood across the room, his red and black plaid shirt hanging from your shoulders, face screwed up with concentration and paint on your nose, was a distraction in itself. It was the sort of moment he wanted to get on a Polaroid, but equally, one that he wanted to savour. He always entranced by you, but sometimes that amplified. You weren’t even doing anything special - just...existing. But that was enough to capture his attention in its entirety. 

He didn’t tear his eyes away from you - not until something cold hit him in the face, and a splatter of grey paint nearly hit his eye. The noise of your laughter pulled him back to reality, practically losing it as you doubled over, holding onto the fire place for support. You were lucky that it was his favourite sound but heck, you coulda dumped the whole bucket of paint on him and he wouldn’t have flinched. 

‘That was rude.’ Jack folded his arms across his chest. ‘I’m gonna get you for that.’

‘No, you won’t.’

You dropped your paintbrush, suddenly leaping over the couch and sprinting out into the hallway. Trying to outrun a highly-trained government agent (a fact you sometimes forgot) might have not been your brightest idea, but you still managed to breeze past him and skid into the kitchen, almost tripping over a strewn tile as you did. 

Jack was hot on your heels, arms reaching out to grab as you circled back into the living room. He managed to snatch you by the waist, pulling you down onto the sheet-covered couch - he was nice enough to use his own body to break the landing at least. You landed on his chest with a thud, still in a fit of giggles as he grabbed your face and planted kisses all over it. His lips were soft and warm, tasting of whiskey when they finally met yours. You tangled your hand through his hair in an attempt to bring him close, as though it were even possible. 

You broke the kiss, rolling off of Jack and onto the sofa next to him, nuzzling into his side. The paint you’d managed to get on him was on you now as well, smeared down the side of your face and a little onto his shirt that you were wearing. Not that it bothered him all that much, because the sight of you in any of his clothes was worth a little bit of paint. You had a sort of rotation, where you would steal various garments and wear them until they lost his smell, before dumping them in the laundry and swiping some more. They were always baggy, scented with his aftershave and the faint smell of the leather from his car. When he was away on missions, it was the nearest thing you could get to one of his warm hugs.

‘Darling, d’you think, just maybe, that we should just pay someone to do all this?’ Jack gently suggested. ‘I can have a guy from the agency come in and be done in like three days.’

‘Three days? For the whole house?’ You peered up at him with a frown. 

‘Their speciality is rebuilding places after we accidentally blow them up so this will be like a walk in the park.’ He explained. ‘Although, the kitchen isn’t far off. the place is lookin’ as messy as the farmers’ market after sundown.’

‘And Champ won’t mind you abusing Statesman resources like that?’ You teased.

‘The man is so rich that he buys a new boat when the other gets wet.’ Jack reminded you. ‘He ain’t gonna notice.’

‘You have a point.’ You nodded. 

‘Besides, they’re better at decorating-’

‘- interior design.’ You cut him off. ‘It’s a house, not a Christmas cookie.’

Jack dropped his head against yours, letting out a groan. ‘You know what I mean.’

‘I know.’ You leant up to press another soft kiss to his lips. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too, angel.’ 

Even though it was still a little far off, the glimpse that this weekend had given you into your future meant everything to him. He’d brought the ranch as a place to crash on business stays, and now you were helping to turn it into a home. At one point, he hadn’t imagine having a life to look ahead to or a house to decorate or somebody to love. Even though they were small, everyday things, you’d brought so much into his life, and he was never going to let you forget it. 

[misslilli]

Hope you guys are not too busy with Fictober 😄 thank you, as always, for your amazing feedback!

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3

Chapter 26 - A Pivotal Peppermint Mocha

[ DS ]

He respects my wishes, of course he does, and I don’t see him before or after Thanksgiving break, except for a few glimpses from afar, across the school yard or at the farmer’s market. As time passes, each time I see him, it gets less and less painful and my funk begins to lift. My kids at school breathe a sigh of relief and my friends stop tiptoeing around me. The nights get easier, too, and I manage at least a few hours of shut-eye.

I just got home from school, a little earlier than usual and I can hear the girls chatting and laughing in the kitchen.

“…and then Squirrel rolled her eyes and said: ‘But Felix, that’s impossible, no-one can stuff 100 marshmallows into their mouth, not even your dad!’ I get such a kick out of this kid, he insisted over and over again that Moose could do it and he’ll prove it to her. You should’ve seen the exasperated look on Squirrel’s face!”

What the hell? That conversation is eerily familiar because I’ve just had it this morning at recess. Why the fuck are they referring to us as Moose and Squirrel?

They jump about a mile as I step into the kitchen, guilty looks plastered all over their faces. Sarah, who just told the story, starts to speak first. “Uuuh.. hey D, you’re home early…” My hands on my hips, I give them each a long, hard stare.

“Who. The Fuck. Are Moose and Squirrel?” They share a look I can’t decipher and Holly pulls out a chair.

“You better sit down for this, D.” I do as I’m told and glance around the table, waiting for someone to start explaining what’s going on.

Sarah and Holly both make it clear by silently staring at Alex, the calm one of our group, the one they trust can explain in a way I won’t kick their asses afterwards.

Alex folds her hands in front of her and takes a deep breath. “Okay. I’d like to preface this with stating that everything we did was done with love and because we care about you and your happiness.” ‘Oh goody, I can’t wait to see where this is going…’

“We’ve been talking about Moo- Mulder a lot at our Friday night dinners and we could tell that you liked him. When nothing happened and no-one made the first move, we thought we’d give fate little pushes in the right direction.” I stare at her, starting to panic.

“Oh God, what did you do? Is anyone else in on this thing? Is he in on this whole thing?”

“No, no, no-one knows except for us. And Miss Hannigan, but only because we needed her help with the costumes and we swore her to secrecy.” I snort, you can’t swear the town gossip to secrecy.

“So the Halloween costume was your doing? That we went to the town fair in a couple’s costume?” Alex nods. “What else?”

“Just little things, I swear. Remember when we were at the Farmer’s Market and we all had various errands to run? We saw Felix and Mulder were heading over, so we scattered to give you some alone time.” Which led to our first quasi-semi-let’s not call it a date-date, yes I remember.

“So what’s the Moose and Squirrel business then?”

“Well, since it was all a secret operation, we needed codenames. Sarah came up with a play on the first letters of your last names and we thought it was cute, especially since there’s such a big height difference between these characters too. This was how Operation: Bullwinkle was born. Of course, after the basketball fiasco, we called it off… are you mad, D?” I sit in silence for a while, taking in the things my friends came up with to set Mulder and I up.

They eye me anxiously, trying to gauge my reaction and if they should run for cover right about now.

“No, I’m not mad. It was actually a really clever secret operation and I’m kind of sad it didn’t work out the way we all wanted.” Holly lifts her shoulders, relieved that I understood that they didn’t mean to cause any harm.

“Never say never, D.”

—————

[ FM ]

My mom has taken Felix with her while she’s out grocery shopping, which gives me a good part of the afternoon to leave the house and roam the streets. A good way to clear my head. It’s the first week of December, but New England hasn’t been graced with snow yet, just a misty cold that seeps into your coat and straight through to your bones.

My hands are freezing because I forgot to take my gloves, so when the green logo of the local Starbucks catches my eye, I go in to warm up and get a cup of coffee.

Usually, I avoid this place like the plague, I don’t possess the fast decision making skills required to choose from the 999 combinations, just to have a cup of freakishly overpriced coffee.

I can barely get through the door, the place is jam packed and soon, I can smell why. Peppermint Mocha season starts today. The prospect of standing in line for hours almost makes me turn back, but something stops me from leaving.

Most of the people are holding a cup in their hands gleefully already, so I push my way through the crowd to where the line starts. When I reach it, I find myself dumbly staring at the back of a fiery head of hair, a shade I’d recognize anywhere in the world and in the most crowded places.

Shi-hit, does this break the ‘giving space’ rule? No, I’m just getting a cup of coffee on a cold winter day, no big deal. I don’t even have to talk to her. Yeah right, who am I kidding?

—————

[ DS ]

I’m way too excited about the start of Peppermint Mocha season, so here I am, in a place packed with people, patiently waiting in line to finally get my hands on that glorious to-go cup of Christmas Spirit.

I’m next in line when the person in front of me turns a little too quickly, making me take a step backwards to let them pass, bumping into the person standing behind. I mumble a “I’m sorry!” over my shoulder and freeze when I hear a familiar voice respond with an “Don’t worry about it.”

Counting to ten in my head before I turn my head, I come to face with a grinning Fox Mulder, who adds “Fancy bumping into you here!” His silly pun elicits the first genuine smile I’ve given in weeks.

“Technically, you didn’t bump into me, I bumped into you.”

He grins even wider and nudges my shoulder with his index finger. “There. So, I’m new in town, what’s good here?”

I order my Peppermint Mocha with sweet cream foam and an extra espresso shot while he pretends to gag, he orders his black coffee to my snort and the barista’s comment on what kind of first name ‘Mulder’ is. We move to stand at the end of the counter to wait for our coffees.

“Sometimes, I just want to tell them my name is Bob, just so I don’t have to explain Mulder or Fox to another barista.”

“Don’t ask me how many time’s I’ve been Donna, Danny or Dinara and one time, Daniel. I think they do it on purpose. At least yours is easy to spell, Eff - Oh - Ex.”

“Oh I bet you were a regular hit at the spelling bee, with those mad skills of yours!”

“I’m a woman of many talents, Bob.”

The barista calls out our names, ‘Peppermint Mocha for Daisy, black coffee for Mouldy’ and we reach out to accept our respective cups. Pushing out way to the crowd, we continue our conversation.

“Daisy? That's not even remotely close to my real name… but Mouldy is freaking priceless!” Her giggle at their slip up almost makes it worth it to have a shitty first name.

“Yeah, yeah, make fun of the guy with the funny name. I kind of like Daisy, though, it’s a pretty name!”

I’m so happy to see that we turn to head in the same direction, strolling along the crowded sidewalk, sipping our coffee. I have to walk pretty fast to keep up with his long strides.

“It is, yeah! So tell me, Eff- Oh- Ex, how much flak did you have to take way back in the day, when “What does the Fox say?” came out?” I shudder at the memory.

“They didn’t tease me with it. Much. Just a lot of ring-ding-dingalinging. It became a thing in my friend group, whenever they asked me something, they’d add ‘So what does the Fox say?’. It went on a long time and they still do it sometimes, when we get together, just to drive me nuts!”

“I hope for your sake that Felix never discovers that song, he’d have a field day!” Oh God, she’s right. Must keep him away from it at all costs. At my panic face, she laughs an evil laugh. “We do listen to a lot of music at recess…”

“Oh no, you wouldn’t!” I point an icy finger at her. “Promise me you wouldn’t!”

“Well, it does have a lot of educational material in it, with all the animal sounds…”

“I’ll have you know that you hold my sanity in your hands, handle with care!”

“I hear they have a lot of fun pills at the asylum, maybe I’ll come visit so you can sneak me some!”

We come to stand at the junction where we have to part ways and she raises her cup.

“Have a good day, Mouldy!”

“You too, Daisy!”

—————

[ DS ]

I think about the strange but fun encounter all the way home, the world didn’t end like I thought it would when we met again and it was a rather pleasant conversation. Like a conversation between long-time friends, even though friendship is not exactly what I’m looking for here. But it’ll have to do, for now. It’s just nice to talk to him again.

[wahbegan]

NOPE Review

I don’t know where to start with this movie, other than it is....a lot. It’s a lot.

Okay, so the basic premise is this: Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer are sibling co-owners of a ranch that trains horse actors with a pretty...strained relationship. Their dad, the previous owner, who they feel like they can’t live up to, has just been killed in a freak.....er....accident, and they’re struggling to make ends meet. So when they start seeing weird shit in the sky and their horses start vanishing, they cook up a plot to get rich and famous with conclusive proof of alien life. At the same time their neighbor, a former child star who was deeply traumatized by an incident in his childhood, has also caught wind of the weird shit going on and is trying to monetize it, albeit in the form of a live show in his amusement park. And then........shit goes sideways

So yeah, first of all, it’s not a straight alien invasion movie, thank christ, although that’s just my personal preference. If you go in expecting aliens abducting and probing and doing alien shit and running around with lil weird alien faces, you are gonna have a bad time. Signs this is not.

Oh, yeah, also, a note on the genre. You may have noticed the marketing department made the baffling decision of making the teaser for the film look more like straight horror and the full trailer look more like a fffuckin pseudo-Western alien invasion adventure dramedy film and may be confused as to what the fuck genre it is.

It is....neither of those things and both of those things? It’s a weird hybrid. Honestly, i’d say it’s more horror right up until close to the climax, where it gets more Western adventure it’s......okay, this is a weird comparison but

You know The Mummy? Who am i kidding, of course you do. So you know how that movie goes from like creepy scare-you-as-a-kid kinda-sorta horror to blowing up into a big action adventure?

Nope is kinda like that, but with the horrifying elements of the horror turned way the fuck up. Which is.....amazing.

So that’s all just what you should go in expecting though, how’s the actual movie?

Well, in terms of sheer entertainment value, it...might be my favorite Jordan Peele movie? That or Us. It has good characters who are fun to watch, the kind you’d expect from a Jordan Peele film, it has humor, and it has something which Us and Get Out both lacked, which is big blockbuster moments towards the end. Not to spoil too much but it is definitely, of the three, the one i felt ended the most positively.

Which, i mean, you also may not like, but good news! It has something else Us and Get Out lacked!

Two of the most legitimately fucking harrowing scenes i’ve seen in any recent horror film. Oh, sure, i mean, i’ve seen more openly shocking and uncomfortable, the unapologetic scene of child abuse from The Black Phone comes to mind, but two of the scenes in this film are....exactly where horror should exist, in my opinion.

A perfect balance between relatable, tangible, real-world fears and anxieties, something you can see yourself or your loved ones in, and enough of the grotesque and fantastical to make it surreal. To make it uncanny. That sweet spot of horror that really gets under your skin. 

Yes, this movie got under my skin. Mainly those two scenes, which i obviously won’t spoil, but, i was up half the night thinking about them. 

And yes, even besides that really openly disturbing shit, there WAS a lot of very good tension, even when it got to the bits that were more adventure blockbuster-y at the end. Which were also very good, i hasten to add, the........feel like Jordan Peele would smack me for using this word about this particular film, but the spectacle and the beauty and the emotional resonance of those scenes towards the end really does hit.

I wouldn’t say it’s a flawless movie. There’s one character who is very underdeveloped and makes a baffling decision that feels completely unearned, and it definitely feels like he just does it because the plot needs him to. There’s another very minor character, like a throwaway gag character who feels a little annoyingly on-the-nose, to the point where you’re like.....okay no human being would act like that. The side plot about Steven Yeun’s childhood trauma, while thematically resonant and very important to his character feels kinda....out-of-place isn’t quite the right word, but it’s just so jarringly at odds with everything else going on that it’s a bit bizarre, a little bit of a big-lipped alligator moment feel to it.

Although it is also the side plot in which we get one of those two “go home and have nightmares afterwards” scenes i was talking about, so i can’t complain too much.

And finally, and....fuck this is hard to do without spoilers, but there’s.....towards the end, there are some incredibly ambitious shots of the UFO (the design of which is fucking amazing by the way and will surprise you) that are really beautiful or could be beautiful but ohhh i just wish the special effects were a liiiiiiiittle bit better on them.

But i’m just nitpicking at this point. Other then that, yeah it’s a thoroughly satisfying film. Tense, horrifying, emotional, funny in bits, and off-the-wall fucking bonkers which i always appreciate. I would recommend it to all but the most dour and blockbuster-sensibility-hating of horror or sci-fi lovers

[tjlikesprettythings]

@thatwaxlion: Also, wouldn't mind to see a jealous Dani from you! No, I wouldn't mind it all. In fact, I hereby declare my prompt request.

I have answered your request, once again, I should really be working (perks of working from home) but I’m having too much fun writing these so enjoy my friend!

Prompt: Jealous Dani Dani stood beside the window of the Conrad hotel ballroom, scanning the crowd of the charity fundraiser where their suspects are expected to make an appearance. She had to wondered if ever since Bright joined the team they find themselves in these high society events more and more, as if the killers are attracted to his background.

It was no shocker that Jessica Whitly was on the guest-list of this particular fundraising event and so naturally Malcolm and herself were able to get in unnoticed, and Gil offered to escort Jessica. Dani tried to keep her smile from blooming, recalling the look on Jessica Whitly’s face when Gil appeared in his tux, the woman looked like she could use a drink, practically parched from the way her mouth fell open. She had to admit, Gil definitely filled out a tux just fine.

Jessica’s quick recovery was pointed to her next, “Dani, you look absolutely ravishing, gosh that color is fabulous on you.” As she looked her up and down, Dani’s orange full sleeve silk ensemble with the deep V cut and wrapping accent on the waist that framed her body perfectly before billowing out at the hem with a split up the middle, was not only elegant but very alluring. Her Hair was pulled up to a high ponytail completed with some statement gold pieces. She had thanked Mrs. Whitly graciously though she did find the attention a bit uncomfortable. 

What she had failed to notice in her spying of her boss and Whitly matriarch was the way Bright’s eyes swept her from head to toe, if he thought her ensemble to the Taylor wedding was something, then he wasn’t prepared for this. He swallowed the lump in his throat and a familiar burn in his stomach as he walked up to join her.

But that was the point of tonight, to stand out and appeal to their suspects. They deduced that this duo worked in a team of charming couples who targeted wealthy men and women of high society, seduced them, blackmailed them and then cleared up the loose ends by killing them.

JT ran operations from the van, opting to stay out of a ‘monkey suit’ as he put it. Keeping an eye through the security cams and listening in on their comms. She scanned the room filled with guests decked out to the nines and wait staff as they walked the room with wine glasses, champagne flutes and hors d'oeuvres. She found herself rolling her eyes, of course rich people made a party of helping the less fortunate. 

She finished her sweep only to find a very attractive brunette talking to Malcolm at the bar, she turned up her comms and listened in. 

“I haven’t seen you in one of these in a while,” She said waving to the bartender for a drink. 

Malcolm chuckled and nodded, “yeah, not really my scene. I only attend when it is absolutely necessary.”

Dani could tell they knew each other, there was a familiarity in the way she spoke to him, “I imagine Jessica is the absolutely necessary factor here.” She teased as she took a sip of her wine. “Well I’m glad that she forced your hand, I’ve been wanting to run into you again.” Dani rolled her eyes again, this woman was obviously not subtle about her motives. 

Dani knew Bright was an attractive man, pair that with the fact that he had millions to his name he would be a catch to most women, she just assumed that he kept to himself because of who he was and of course he didn’t exactly scream fuck boi bro. But She also knew that he could be incredibly charming when he wanted to be, that every time they walked down the street to get back to the precinct or to grab a coffee or tea women would appreciate his style, his features, the fact that he was both welcoming yet dangerous. 

Most of the time she didn’t think about it because she had his full undivided attention, even if he excitedly bumped into someone he’d quickly apologize and turn back to her. She didn’t realize that his attention being occupied by someone who very obviously knew him, and there was a hint of something more would make her feel...uneasy. 

She cleared her throat, to which Malcolm instantly looked in her direction and locked eyes. Shit, she forgot that he could hear her too. She pulled her brows together and scratched the back of her ear, looking away. It was JT who intervened and she decided she owed JT lunch.

“Damn, who knew Bright had game.”

This time Gil cleared his throat from where he was standing with Jessica on the other side of the room. To which JT whispered a “Sorry boss.”

Dani hid her smile behind her hand, as she pretended not to watch him and his yet to be named brunette. She didn’t know why but the way he chuckled and the way her hand reached out to brush the lapel of his jacket just annoyed Dani. Apparently personal space wasn’t a thing for this woman. 

“How is your father doing these days, Alice?” Malcolm asked focusing the subject back to small talk, the kind he detested but what could be done. 

Ah so her name was Alice, Dani scanned the room but really her eyes were focused on the profiler, what was the point of this exchange anyway, they were here to do a job, not to flirt and catch up. She didn’t know where her attitude was coming from and that added to her annoyance.

Alice shifted uncomfortable and shrugged as she pushed some of her hair behind her shoulder, “You know the usual, making sure to control every aspect of my life. He wants me to get married and settle down, I’m not good enough for the family business but I certainly can help it with an advantageous union.”

Dani just scoffed which earned her another look from Malcolm but there was something in his smile as he turned towards Alice. “How very antiquated of him, I’m sure he sees that your charms could be put to better use.”

Alice beamed at him again, eyes hooded as she took a step closer, “that’s for sure, you want to revisit how charming I can be?” She whispered close to his ear.

Malcolm smiled but his eyes were on the stand out beauty in orange across the room. He was enjoying Dani’s very apparent uneasiness in his re-acquaintance with Alice. Alice had gone to the same boarding school as him. While most kids didn’t bother with him after his father, Alice like Vijay was willing to be his friend.

“I know you can be...charming, but better be on my best behavior tonight.” Malcolm said as he took a step back from her. Alice can also be very pushy as he recalled. 

Alice just chuckled, “You have to admit, we used to have a lot of fun. Sure you don’t want to just disappear for a bit, this party is a bummer anyway...”

Dani’s mind instantly wandered to his ‘I’ve had sex, plenty of sex’ and even then she was a bit uncomfortable by his confession, now she was very uncomfortable by this whole exchange. Did this woman have no boundaries? The man said no, just leave it alone and have some self respect.

JT chimed in again, “Well damn bro…again who knew you had this much game!”

“Don't take game, if it’s being practically thrown at you,” she found herself mumbling before she realized what she was saying, to which she heard JT snicker. 

“Savage Dani…”

She cleared her throat, “can we focus on the task at hand instead of Bright’s sex life.” It was as if she lost all control of herself as she walked over to the bar, making sure that there was an extra sway to her hip when she approached them.

“Hi,” she found herself say as she stood beside Malcolm, looking innocently between Malcolm and Alice. 

Malcolm caught off guard only for a second smiled and introduced her to Alice, since she wanted to play this game, he figured why not. He didn’t much enjoy these things but this would be the exception if he could rile Dani up just a bit. “Alice, this is Dani.” He said as his hand seamlessly wrapped around Dani’s small waist, the dress she wore left both little and a lot to the imagination. He could feel the warmth of her body through the silk. 

Dani’s heart thumped, as she fell into her role, “Alice, very nice to meet you.”

Alice eyed Dani up and down and then finally she smiled, “Ah so this is the reason you are on your best behavior.” Alice didn't seem to care for decorum in this situation, behaving like a true spoiled heiress, Dani thought, this kind of behavior in the Bronx would not be tolerated even if you were a strong independent woman. 

Dani narrowed her eyes then smiled, really she felt like she had no control over her actions because the next thing she knew she was saying, “only until we get home.”

Malcolm’s eyes widened slightly as he cleared his throat, “Alice you’ll have to excuse us, I see my mother and I know she was asking for Dani earlier.”

Alice’s red lips curved up as she nodded, “well what do you know Malcolm Whitly is officially off the market, many a heart will be broken to know this. Nice meeting you Danielle.” She said as she walked away. 

Dani’s hands fisted at her side, no one called her Danielle. When she felt the gentle squeeze of his fingers on her waist as he released her, Dani suddenly came to herself. She closed her eyes and waited and on que, JT was laughing in her ear. 

“Well that’s one way to take care of that.” Gil said as he watched the whole exchange. Jessica on the other hand seemed to have enjoyed the show very much, even if she couldn’t hear anything, she got the gist of the situation. There was something so very normal and charming about women bickering over her handsome son.

Dani cleared her throat and scrunched her face, “sorry, thought this would make the point.”

Malcolm licked his lips and squinted at her, “what was the point again?” He wasn’t sure before but now he could clearly see it...she was jealous...to some extent anyway.

Dani pressed her lips together, and drew her brows in, WHAT was the point? Why was she in his business anyway. But to save face she simply shrugged, “to get back to work, you know look for the killers.” She rolled her eyes as if to say ‘duh’ but internally she was screaming with embarrassment, this is not how she behaved normally. She blamed Malcolm Bright for this.

Malcolm bit his lip to keep from laughing, he honestly was enjoying this too much, and her annoyance making his heart leap with joy, because that meant she was jealous. Something about Dani being jealous for him even if it was irrational and primitive made him feel...good. It brought to their relationship another layer, it gave him...hope.

[rjhpandapaws]

Bad to Work With

Ch 2: Late Nights and Morning Coffee

Richard didn’t ever do this kind of thing, he didn’t like clubs. Connor and Silas constantly badgered him about needing to unwinds and it took them weeks to wear him down to the point that he agreed to join them. Eden was Connor’s club of choice, he had a few friends that worked there so they got in for free. It was better than the one Silas frequented, so they found themselves headed there. He spent most of his time at their table nursing his drink as his brothers danced under the strobing lights. Richard wasn’t particularly fond of people or crowds so he only observed the dancefloor for the time being. He had no intention of joining them and would have rather been at home than anything else. He enjoyed people watching enough that if it weren’t for the pounding music he might have considered it relaxing. Richard eventually found himself focused on a particular person toward the edge of the crowd. He wasn’t dressed up to the same standard as the people around him, but he still looked good. He had a vintage leather jacket on over a loose t-shirt that had a design on it that Richard couldn’t make out from that distance, black skinny jeans that reflected in the lights in a way not all that uncommon of faux leather. His hair was a mess and there was something about him that seemed vaguely familiar. The thing that held Richard’s attention though was the way he moved.

Richard couldn’t say what it was that always brought his eyes back to that man. He gradually went from people watching to just staring at this one person. The way he moved was like the music was a part of him. All of the songs sounded the same to Richard, but the way the man moved changed with the music and he found himself captivated. He hadn’t even noticed when Silas came back to the table. “You’re being a bit of a creep Nines.” Silas’s voice startled him out of his thoughts, if they could be called that, and he turned to face his brother, “Go dance with him. Or at least blink. If you go out there you might get to the point of actually undressing him instead of just doing it with your eyes.” Richard shook his head, “I don’t know how. What the rules are in this place, if there are any at all. Do I ask or just go up to him? How would I even get through so many people?” Silas rolled his eyes and gestured toward Richard’s whiskey. “Drink. Get a little more liquid courage in your system and you’ll figure it out.” He remarked and put in for another round of drinks through the tablet that was on the table, “You have a way about you that parts crowds so you won’t have to worry about that at least. Plus the whole quiet, tall, and brooding thing really does it for some people. You’ll be fine, you’ve just got to relax a little more first.”

Richard narrowed his eyes, “I’m going to pretend that was a compliment.” “Look. All I’m saying is dance with the guy. It will do you some good.” Silas said flatly, “Getting laid might do you some good. I don’t think even you could be grumpy after a good fuck.” Richard flipped him off and started on the whiskey that the waiter had brought to the table. Silas downed the shot he had ordered and once more vanished into the crowd. Richard continued to watch the stranger and debated joining him on the dancefloor. Looking back he wasn’t sure if it was the third drink, the fourth, or the wink from the stranger that brought him to the dancefloor. To the stranger. Gavin, he said his name was, that was familiar, but he couldn’t place from where or why. Gavin had beautiful eyes. A grey, amber laced green; not too unlike the ocean before a storm. Richard wasn’t usually prone to such romantic thoughts, but as he moved in tandem with Gavin he found that he couldn’t shake it. The thoughts came easy and they stuck around. Normally it took time for Richard to feel like this, but tonight it came easy. He could blame it on the alcohol and the atmosphere. On the way Gavin moved even. He didn’t know the reason, he didn’t need to. He was relaxed and enjoying himself.

He didn’t know how long they danced for, but he did have the sense to text his brothers before he grabbed his things and left with Gavin. They chose to go back to Richard’s place and the rest of the cab ride was a blur of getting rather familiar with one another. They left a trail of clothes through his apartment, which in any other situation would have bothered him, but his attention was rather pleasantly occupied. Being with Gavin was easy, natural almost. They both seemed to want the same thing out of their night. It seemed that Silas was right, tall and brooding seemed to be exactly Gavin’s thing. He seemed to like to have Richard in his personal space, and Richard liked being there. He hadn’t expected Gavin to stay, he didn’t seem the type. In the morning though, Gavin was still there. They spent more of the morning than they should have getting rather reacquainted. Gavin left in a rush after, apparently he had looked at the clock and realized he was running late. Richard offered him a shower and clothes if he needed them, but Gavin had declined almost sharply. Richard let him go and got ready himself since he was also running late. The last thing he had expected was to catch Gavin in the elevator when he got to work.

That was going to be a problem, but it made sense in why Gavin had seemed so familiar. He wasn’t in accounting, so that meant he was IT or marketing. So if this got out he was either going to get congratulated by Silas or a stern word of caution from Connor. That was an issue for down the road though. “Good morning Gavin.” He said pleasantly when he got into the elevator, “If I had known we were both headed to the same place, I would have offered you a ride.” Gavin scoffed and the sound was somewhere between annoyance and amusement, “You were hardly inclined to let me out of bed when I told you I had work, so forgive me if I doubt that.” Richard found himself amused and leaned in a little closer, and for a moment Gavin did the same. Richard didn’t think he noticed, “I certainly didn’t hear you complaining this morning.” “Well I’m complaining now.” Gavin said as he came back to himself and stepped away, “Since you couldn’t keep your fucking hands to yourself I have to suffer through breakroom coffee.” “How tragic.” Richard quipped before he could stop himself, “Come with me again and I’ll make you coffee in the morning. However you like it.”

There was a moment of pause, and Gavin’s eyes softened for only a second before the mask was firmly back in place. “No.” He said almost under his breath, then with a little more conviction, “I don’t do that sort of thing.” The elevator chimed, and before Richard could say anything, Gavin ducked passed him out into the business office. Richard turned to watch him go, at the very least he knew where Gavin worked. The elevator doors closed slowly. He wondered what he had done to upset Gavin. Or if he was just naturally this prickly in the morning. He would get Gavin a coffee when he got the time. To make up for making him late, it was the least he could do. He stepped out of the elevator when it was on his floor. He told Daniel, the morning intern what he would need to do for the day, and settled in his office. After he sent his brothers a text that he would not be going to ‘unwind’ with them again, he got to work. While his job was complex, it was routine and rather mind numbing. So he thought about the previous night a lot. His mind circled back to it frequently despite his best efforts to concentrate on his work. Silas was needing to buy another computer for the business office GR0108 had broken another one apparently. It was only when his body took to harshly reminding him that he hadn’t had time for breakfast that morning. He decided to go pick something up and then get back to Silas.

He left his office and made his way to the bank of elevators. There was a cade not too far from AME where he usually stopped to get breakfast. They had good food and tea. The place usually smelled like coffee so he figured he could pick Gavin up one while he was there. Hopefully that would make up for him having such a bad morning at Richard’s expense. When he got to the cafe he ordered his usual; a cranberry citrus scone and Earl Grey tea. He picked a random coffee drink off the menu for Gavin then paid. When everything was ready he made his way back to the office. Gavin’s desk was easy enough to find, there were papers and foam coffee cups everywhere. He set the cup on a clear space on the desk and left a note before he left. Breakfast had, he gave Silas permission for another computer. The third one for this user in as many months, and though annoying, it wasn’t really his problem. He just needed to get through the rest of the day without thinking about Gavin too much. It was easier said than done since his unique green eyes chose to haunt Richard. They had been so different last night than this morning. He wondered which was the real Gavin.

In a moment of uncharacteristic boldness he had left his number on the note. He shouldn’t have been as disappointed as he was that Gavin hadn’t texted him yet. He had made it clear that he wasn’t interested anymore, if he even had been at all. It stung, but Richard supposed he would get over it eventually. People didn’t go to places like that to find love. It wasn’t Gavin’s fault that Richard had been so sentimental.

[dominusfero]

I see you want to do a self-ship challenge and can't choose between David, Daniel, and Jasper. I dare you to do all three.

Okay.

1. 

David: His personality, his long arms perfect for hugging and his gorgeous smile

Daniel: His beautiful eyes, his talent at violin/fiddle, his charisma

Jasper: His humor (no doubt he’s a memer), he’s got the cuddliest bod, his sense of fashion (as horrible as it may be, it’s amazing to me)

2. 

David: My baking skills. I love baking and I’m betting David has a serious sweet-tooth. We always have too many cookies, cakes, brownies in the house.

Daniel: I have magic hands (not NSFW, I took massage classes). I always manage to melt the tension out of his back and neck muscles, and he becomes a puddle when I do his thighs and feet. He’s very tense.

Jasper: (Not revealing my gender but--) Jasper likes my body, but not in a creepy way. He likes every little minor thing about my body, from my own scars to the heart shaped birthmark on my inner thigh. Plus, he says I’m soft.

3.

Since we all live together, it’d be a bunch of different pets. Daniel gets his own pet rat called Snowflake, Jasper and I share a little Dasypeltis named Scramble, and David has a German Shepard that we call Kino.

4. Raised ranch with a pool, big veggie garden and a nice patio. Stuck between bordering on a forest for the animals or set in a giant field so Jasper and I can go ATVing.

5. Do I need to? David and Daniel are both adults, their voices won’t change. Jasper’s, however, is definitely deeper than it was as a child. My best guess is: he sounds exactly like Griffin McElroy.

6. Everyone assumes it’s David, but really, it’s Daniel. He’s only ever known the forced version of love due to the brainwashing, never genuine. The first time I hugged him and he hugged back, I ended up falling asleep because he wouldn’t let me go.

7. Also Daniel. Romantically, I think it’s rooted in potential abandonment issues / possessiveness but it’s never egregious. Any other kind, it’s the same reason why David gets jealous: absurd competitiveness. Can’t ever be the worst at something, otherwise it’s Tantrum Time. Fortunately, kisses make this go away.

8. 

David: Counting Stars by One Republic (country-ish vibe fits with his aesthetic)

Daniel: The whole of “Love Like You” by Rebecca Sugar

Jasper: Blackout by Breathe Carolina (Party vibes man)

9. Yes! Okay, so the guys change all the time but I’m usually in the middle (or close to it). Daniel is a clingy s.o.b. If he isn’t latched onto me, it’s either David or Jasper. I always end up in somebody’s arms, though. It’s really nice. Jasper’s chest hair tickles.

10. 

David: One jab in the ribs and he squirms and squeals like a child

Daniel: Dude has 0 resistance to the tickles. I do not understand.

Jasper: A fucking rock (pun intended). He feels nothing.

Me: Ehh...kinda? I don’t think so.

11.

David

12.

We’re thinking of somewhere either in southern Italy or, if we had to stay domestic, probably New Orleans, Louisiana for the cuisine and culture.

13.

David: Forest cottagecore wedding

Daniel: Believe it or not, he wants a fairytale theme complete with toadstool cupcakes, pastel colored lights and simple grassy vibes. He likes the fantasy aspect of it because it feels so freeing.

Jasper: He’s stuck between Star Wars and an 80s bowling alley theme.

Me: Beach wedding so I don’t have to wear fancy clothes. Just a white swimsuit so I can go swimming right after.

14. Yeah, but the amount changes depending on who you ask. David wants two: one boy, one girl. Daniel, coming from a rather large family, wants no less than four and prefers boys. Jasper says he’s cool with one, has his fingers crossed for a girl but says if we end up with a boy, that’s just as dope.

15.

Daniel is the poet, Jasper is the cheesy love song writer.

16.

I guess my affection comes out in my cooking, but I also just snuggle/cuddle the fuck outta my boys.

David, for sure, is grand gestures. Flowers sent to work, buying candy/snacks when you’ve had a bad day, etc.

Daniel is more subtle, like meticulously folding the laundry or organizing your messy ass desk so you can actually find shit or tuning the guitar.

Jasper shows his love through bad puns and lots of hugs.

17.

To David: On cheek, forehead, lips

From David: My nose because he thinks it’s funny

To Daniel: On the back of his neck because it makes him weak in the knees

From Daniel: Knuckles because he’s a gentleman

To Jasper: His tum is fun because it makes him laugh but his lips are so much better

From Jasper: Wherever he can get to, he does not discriminate

18.

Since there’s four of us, we cuddle in a big pile on our lovely, humongous bed. Or in a pile split between the couch and floor while watching TV or movies.

19.

David: If he’s near somewhere to sit, I grab him from behind and pull him down and force him either into my lap or on top of me. Then I hold him until he feels less crappy. Kisses are involved.

Daniel: I brew him a cup of his favorite tea, give him a kiss and shoulder rub.

Jasper: He’s easy. Sneak up on him and squish a whoopie cushion with a straight face. Or kick open the door to wherever he is after blasting the Monsters Inc. Opening Meme track.

Me: I don’t have too many bad days but I do, being around my boys is enough to fix my mood on its own. But for those days when it isn’t, my boys usually make me some kind of fix-it meal (that usually isn’t very good but I ain’t gonna say anything).

20.

David: Gardening, well, veggie gardening. We love hoe-ing around together.

Daniel: Drawing and writing together. Daniel writes poetry and I design covers and illustrations to go along with it.

Jasper: Video games and meme sharing / making

21.

David: He took me out to this nice little hidden oasis deep in the mountains of the forest and we gazed at the stars. He started talking about something relating to the area we were in, but I fell asleep on him. Literally, we were laying down and I was on his right side and fell asleep with my face in his chest.

Daniel: We binged a bunch of horror movies and spent the night laughing at the stupid ways people died (or let themselves be killed). It was fun!

Jasper: I whooped his ass in Mario Kart and then we played Minecraft. I accidentally (not really) blew up his house.

22.

Camp (I was working for Camp Corp. and was sent to relay marketing information and a potential budget for the coming year, as well as mockup any infrastructure changes that may need doing)

23.

Daniel, though I will cut a bitch if anyone hurts my boys in any way. Daniel will actively murder, though, so we try not to let that happen.

24. 

YES

I miss my boys so much! David cries a lot and it hurts me in every conceivable way.

Ask me a freebie, I’ll answer it!

[weed-bird]

FROM THE MAKERS OF "TWO-MOM ENERGY DRINK," IT'S "LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK," with Cecilia Corrigan by Daniel Lavery

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: ALL THE ENERGY OF NOT TRYING TO STAND BETWEEN YOUR FATHER AND THE GRAVE

STOP TRYING TO GET HIM ON ONE OF THOSE MINDFULNESS APPS

IF HE WANTED TO TAKE YOUR SUGGESTIONS HE WOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ALREADY

IT’S TOO LATE FOR THE BENEFITS OF BRAIN PLASTICITY

“LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS ALL THE PEACEFUL RESIGNATION OF TÉA LEONI STANDING WITH HER FATHER ON THE BEACH AT THE END OF DEEP IMPACT

MUCH LIKE JODIE FOSTER DISCOVERS AT THE END OF CONTACT, YOUR DAD IS A HOLOGRAM CREATED BY ALIENS TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF FAMILIARITY

TIRED OF TASTING YOUR DAD’S MEAT AT FEASTS TO CHECK FOR POISON? WITH “LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK, YOU DON’T HAVE TO!

“LET YOUR FATHER DIE” ENERGY DRINK IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY

YOURS MIGHT BE FINE

(HE ISN’T)

(YOU KNOW HE ISN’T)

(YOU’VE ALWAYS KNOWN HE ISN’T)

BUT HE MIGHT BE

IT HAPPENS

WE HEARD ABOUT IT ONE TIME

IN SWEDEN

STOP DRINKING FROM YOUR FATHER’S CUP TO MAKE SURE IT’S SAFE FOR HIM TO DRINK

LET HIM FIGURE IT OUT

ALL THE SMOOTH, REGULATED ENERGY THAT COMES FROM NOT TRYING TO OLIVIA POPE YOUR FATHER’S WHOLE THING

HE PROBABLY SOLVED HIS OWN PROBLEMS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN SO WHY NOT TAKE A NAP

WITH “LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK YOU’LL FINALLY HAVE THE ENERGY YOU NEED TO FALL ASLEEP INSTEAD OF WAITING TO PASS OUT

LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK, AVAILABLE NOW!

LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK: STOP SCROLLING INSTAGRAM AT 3AM, HE DIDN’T LEAVE ANY MESSAGES FOR YOU THERE!

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: DRINK FROM YOUR OWN CUP AT LEAST

STOP TELLING YOUR DAD YOU LOVE HIM MORE THAN SALT. START ALLOWING YOUR AVARICIOUS SISTERS GONERIL AND REGAN TO DETHRONE HIM.

LEAR KNEW WHAT CORDELIA MEANT THE WHOLE TIME AND SO DOES YOURS

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO SING ALONE LIKE BIRDS ‘I TH’ CAGE, ASKING ONE ANOTHER BLESSING AND KNEELING DOWN, LIVING AND PRAYING AND LAUGHING AT BUTTERFLIES WITH HIM

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOUR BLOODLINE ENDS WITH YOU!!

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: BECAUSE YOUR DAD THINKS A HAPPY ENDING IS ONE WHERE YOU LIVE FOREVER IN A CABINET WITH HIM AND A BIRD AND THAT’S A BAD IDEA FOR YOU

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MAKE IT HAPPEN

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: AGAIN, NOT LITERALLY!

IT’S JUST GOING TO HAPPEN SOMEDAY AND YOU SHOULD HUSBAND YOUR STRENGTH

SORRY, FATHER YOUR STRENGTH

SORRY, MOTHER YOUR FATHER

THE BUGS HAVE BEEN FIXED AND LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK APOLOGIZES FOR ANY DISTRESS OUR MOST RECENT MESSAGES MAY HAVE CAUSED

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: WHEN WE SAY DAD WE MEAN THE CONCEPT

SORT OF

HOWEVER YOU HEAR IT

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS FULL OF NATURALLY RESTORATIVE INGREDIENTS, LIKE SETTING HIS TEXTS TO “DO NOT DISTURB” AND GREEN TEA EXTRACT

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: ONE CAN IS THE EQUIVALENT OF THREE YEARS OF AL-ANON MEETINGS!

NONE OF THE JITTERS THAT COME FROM MANAGING THE DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENTS HE DOESN’T GO TO ANYWAY

UNSEE THAT EMAIL YOU ACCIDENTALLY SAW WHEN YOU WERE FIFTEEN: IT NEVER HAPPENED!

“LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS THE SAME EFFECTS ON COGNITIVE PERFORMANCE AS A CUP OF MEDIUM-ROAST LOW-ACID COFFEE OR NOT APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING HE SAID TO SOMEONE ELSE AFTER HE’S OUT OF EARSHOT AND CAN’T GET MAD AT YOU FOR APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING HE ISN’T SORRY HE SAID

DADS LOVE IT: LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK

*”LET YOUR DAD DIE” ENERGY DRINK HAS NOT STUDIED DAD RESPONSES TO LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK BECAUSE IT WOULDN’T CHANGE OUR MARKETING STRATEGIES OR OUR RECIPE ANYWAYS

PLUS WE’RE GOING TO HEAR WHAT HE SAID THROUGH OUR OLDER SISTER ANYWAYS

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: HE’S NOT ACTUALLY OKAY TO DRIVE

DRIVING IS ACTUALLY NEVER OKAY BUT ESPECIALLY THE WAY HE DOES IT

YOUR FATHER’S COMMITMENT TO DRIVING IS INFORMALLY REFERRED TO AROUND OUR OFFICES AS “THE REAL DEATH DRIVE” BY THE WAY

LYDD: HE KNOWS LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOTTEN THAT FELLOWSHIP

LYDD: YOUR FATHER KNOWS A LOT OF PEOPLE

YOUR FATHER HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS

YOUR FATHER HAS AN ENTIRE TEAM OF ALLIES, CRONIES, AND UNDERBUTLERS TO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS FOR HIM

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY A GENEROUS DONATION FROM THE MIKAELA PETERSON FOUNDATION

LET YOUR DAD DIE: IT’S FINE

IT’S FINE

IT’S WHAT HE DID TO HIS DAD

IT’S WHAT HE WOULD DO FOR YOU

WHO FIRED THAT SHOT AT HIS COUNTRY HOUSE DURING A WEEKEND SHOOTING PARTY? NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE, BOYO

THEY HAVE DETECTIVES FOR THAT

DETECTIVES ARE ON YOUR FATHER’S TAIL EVEN AS WE SPEAK

THE DETECTIVES TOLD US TO TELL YOU THEY SAID “DON’T CROWD ME”

LET SOMEONE ELSE PUT YOUR PARANOIA TO GOOD USE

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS COMMITTED TO HELPING COLLEGE STUDENTS, CORPORATE EXECUTIVES, AND PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES ESTABLISH THE SENSE OF FREEDOM THAT CAN ONLY COME FROM ACCEPTING YOUR FATHER’S MORTALITY AND THE LIMITS OF YOUR OWN INTERVENTION

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK IS CONTRAINDICATED WITH ALCOHOL….WINK

WE CANNOT RECOMMEND WINK THAT YOU MIX WINK LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK WINK WITH ALCOHOL WINK

BUT OF COURSE WE CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO

WE’RE NOT YOUR MOM OR ANYTHING

TIRED OF BEING “A LITTLE OVER-SENSITIVE”? TRY LYDD ENERGY DRINK!

TIRED OF “REMEMBERING THINGS”? TRY OUR NEW DRAGONFRUIT EDITION, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT”

ARE YOU SURE YOUR BROTHER WOULDN’T LIKE TO TRY BEING THE OVER-SENSITIVE ONE FOR A CHANGE? TRY LYDD ENERGY DRINK FOR LASTING EFFECTS!

FEEL AS WELL-RESTED AND ENERGIZED AS YOUR FATHER’S MOTHER DOES: SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER THAT EITHER

SHE’S NOT WORRIED ABOUT A GODDAMN THING WE HERE AT LYDD CAN TELL YOU THAT MUCH

SHE’S GOT A PLAN AND SHE HAS NEVER SECOND-GUESSED ANYTHING THAT YOUR FATHER HAS DONE

HE’S WHAT MADE HER A MOTHER

YOU’RE JUST SOME PUNK KID

YOU’RE JUST SOME FUCKING NOBODY. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SON’S GRAVE?

OUR ETHICALLY SOURCED PASSIONFRUIT FLAVOR INCLUDES GUARANINE, GINKGO, AND ZERO CHANCE OF TAKING A BULLET FOR YOUR FATHER

IT’S AN ACQUIRED TASTE

BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY HAVE IT

YOU’VE ALREADY INHERITED A LOT OF THINGS.

NO GODS, NO MASTERS, JUST A REFRESHING BURST OF FRESH CITRUS FLAVOR. LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK

LET YOUR DAD DIE ENERGY DRINK: YOU NEVER REALLY HAD A CHOICE, BUT WE WILL LET YOU CHOOSE BETWEEN ORANGINA, ACAI BURST, AND FRUTTA DI BOSCO IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER

BUT DON’T GET ANY BRIGHT IDEAS ABOUT TRYING TO DO IT YOURSELF. HE’LL SEE IT COMING. YOU’RE ONLY ALIVE AND IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE HE ANTICIPATED YOU. YOUR DAD’S DEATH BELONGS TO SOMEONE HIS OWN SIZE AND YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE WEIGHT

JUST LET HIM GO INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT WHENEVER THE TIME COMES

WE HEAR IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY GENTLE

[popculturebuffet]

Mickey and the Roadster Racers: “Mickey’s Perfecto Day” and “Daisy’s Grande Goal” review or “I think i’m going out of my headcold”

Saludos Amigos!  I”ve been sick, and as such have had no energy or state of mind to continue my look at every apperance of the CABs in the us, concluding with a look at every episode of legend of the three caballeros. 

And today’s stop is one i’m only passingly familiar with: Mickey and the Roadster Racers. MATRR.. wait really that’s what it spells?

No Larry the Cable guy on this blog thank you.  Anyways, Roadster Racers is surprisingly complicated for such a simple show. For starters it’s the successor to “Mickey Mouse’s Club House” another CGI Disney Junior show, Disney’s equivalent to Nick Jr because their clever like that. And to continue the theme of ripping off other properties, the show was Disney’s stab at following the big fake interactivity craze started by Dora the Explorer. And it’s annoying as that sounds with a lot of pasues and an annoying recurring hot dog song that’s obnoxiously catchy. It was mostly just slice of life shenanigans with the mickey mouse crew and when retoolling it they decided to drop the now dated fake interactivity, turn up the slice of life and add some of those nitro burning funny cars vroom vroom. IN a sense genral g rated soft boiled mickey shenanigans with a racing theme. 

Not a terrible series but not terribly intresting hence why i’ve never covered it. It’s a bland inoffesnsive cartoon for toddlers. Enough effort is put in for me not to hate it, as even a toddler show can have effort, but not enoguh so that I really care. I’ve seen better, i’ve seen worse. The only intresting things are the racing gimmick and the fact that as said gimmick diminished they switched names to “Mickey’s mixed up adventures” in season 3. Hence the complicated part as it’s not counted as it’s own series but unlike other disney title changes they aren’t just slapping another label under the logo like the marvel shows. This is  a full on retool. But it still has the same cast and prodcution crew and is counted as part of mickey mouse. Point is it’s weird and not relevant since our boys didn’t show up in that season. Oh and as a final note I learned while writing this/ there’s a THIRD Mickey Mouse Disney Junior Series, Mickey Mouse Funhouse, coming next year. 

But with so little to cover I ended up throwing in a freebie. See normally I charge the same for 11 minute and 20+ minute shows. It’s fair as most 11 minute shows these days pack in as much character as the ones that use the full half hour. It’s just a diffrence in tactics is all. But here I felt obligated to do at LEAST two diffrent, but cabs related, 11 minutes here, so if I had nothing to talk about I could pad it out and If I had everyhting to talk about.. eh I still tried to do the right thing. I regret nothing. But yeah i’m sick, this series is eh, let’s gooooo. 

Mickey’s Perfecto Day So Mickey and Friends are preparing to drive to spain.

No i’m not making a joke. Wish I was would be one of my best but no, Mickey and Friends are just.. casually going to drive to Spain. To explain why this hurts my head a map, on which i’ve drawn the route they’d have to take to get to spain from, let’s say Calisota, the fictional state where Mouseton, Duckburg, New Quackmore, and thus probably Hot Dog Hills, the show’s setting, reside. 

This is a crue map, they oculd’ve gone down through mexico or central america.. but the point is THEY DROVE ACROSS THE OCEAN. And I genuinely do not know if their cars can do that but apparently they can. So either the writer didn’t know where Spain was or didn’t care and either way it’s bad. LIke at least give their cars a plane or boat mode. Go full DKR up in this bitch, give em diffrent racing vehicles. But it wouldn’t be as aggrivvating or bizzare if they MENTIONED how they were driving to spain, like maybe Donald’s car that’s also an old boat and goofy’s that’s a tub have aquamodes and can tow the rest. I get 5 year olds don’t care about this.. but still? I guess? Also MIckey is either the sorcerer supreme or jesus at this point. He can cross oceans by car, astral project, cross into other dimensions.. the only thing missing is raising the dead and  he already did that in the 30′s. 

So as for why the sorcerer supreme and his buddies are going all the way to Spain, Donald has a concert with the three caballeros and this time they all remember him as a memmber and Daisy’s a huge fan. Which is sweet. Then we hear donald duck talk and...

Yeah, Daniel Ross is not the best Donald. Now I will cut the guy some slack here: He’s a voice actor more known for doing bit parts who just got the role in 2016, since racers aired in 2017 and animation lead time and all that. He’s not going to be nearly as good as Tony or Clarence out of the gate. Even Tony wasn’t. He also had a valid reason for picking up the role as Tony likely had two series in production at that time, Rise of the Three Cablleros and Ducktales, and thus had to split his time between both. And having Chris Diamaptolus do mickey in the new shorts instead of his usual voice actor Bret Iwane despite Iwane not being in any serious danger of dying soon has worked out super. So having multiple actors isn’t the problem. Hell after the tragic loss of Russi taylor and with how bad the world is, having an understudy in mind for such an important role is a grim but understandable necicisty. While I belivie tony can go on for decades, he’s only human. 

So my issue is not on Donald’s voice being diffrent or new.. it’s that it’s not very good and the second episode featuerd here shows Daniel Ross really hasn’t improved despite now having worked as the character for a while.I can forgive taking some time to grow in but being this sloppy after a full season is just unacceptable. He’s BETTER but he’s still just not very good and doing the bear minimum. I don’t doubt he’s a good va in other rolls, I don’t want to hate on the guy, but I can hate on aperfomance when it’s bad and it’s not good here. It’s just not. Not in either episode not in any way shape or form. It just feels like a lazy donald duck impression. Disney can do better and Ross can hopefully find better work in the future. But for now this just hangs like a wet fart on his resume. 

Moving on, thankfully, we have our three stories split pretty evenly and all stock plots. “Horay”.  Mickey and Minnie: Mickey tries to have a “perfecto” day, hence the title with Minnie, but instead gives her a rose a baby bull likes.. or maybe it’s SUPPOSED to be full grown but while Mickey and Minnie treat him like a grown bull and react to him like one.. the boy dosen’t look at all, even in the series style, like an adult bull. he looks like a calf. Mickey.. is initimdated by a small child whose horns aren’t sharp enough to hurt him. 

It’s just REALLY distracting and takes me out of the plot which itself is as bland as plain toast and twice as dry. They flee him till the end where Minnie figures out the rose thing at the concert and they make an ew friend. NOt TERRIBLE but not great.  Goofy and Cuckoo Loca: Okay first off who and what is a cuckoo loca? Well she’s a wind up bird that lives in Daisy’s Cuckoo Clock and makes sarcastic comments in a brooklyn accent because nikka futtterman voices her. Still makes more sense than driving to spain. She’s not a bad addition to the cast.. not even that weird as most kids based franchises have an adorable animal sidekick to market. Goofy wants to try some “flamingo dancing” while in spain, with Loca going along to make sure he dosen’t die somehow.. which would be unjustifable for anyone but goofy. Also.. Flamingo Dancing...

But yeah Goofy goes up against ... world famous flamingo dancer horace horsecollar?!

Now apparently this is a common thing for him in this series, apparently, but still it feels like if one of those weird variant ninja turtle figures from the 80′s was a plot point in an episode. Like if we actually had an episode based around birthday magician raph. 

It feels just as odd and out of place for down to earth if showy horace to suddenly be the best flaminco dancer in spain, despite being very much white coded, as it does for the angriest ninja turtle to be pulling a rabbit out of kids hats. Now Rise of the TMNT raph I could totally see as a party magician but any other? He’d probably break his wand over some kids head. 

Goofy ends up winning anyway because he’s stupid, though Flamingo dancing should be a real thing even if this joke is bad and it shoudl feel bad. What an ODD subplot Okay one more then i’m free of this prison. 

The Three Cablleros Plus Daisy:  Okay finally we get to what I came here for. The Three Caballeros! And..they look a tad off. Not terrible but clearly the animators weren’t as skilled with non duck beaks as both of them look ready to do this to donald. 

While Panchito’s color varies. Sometime’s it’s a deep brownish crimson, sometimes it’s poop brown and there’s no classy way to put it. When he’s in this cheap cgi, he looks like a shit chicken. This gets to a larger issue though... the animation here is not great. It’s not TERRIBLE.. but it’s pretty freaking sub par for disney. And i’ve SEEN their other cgi shows around the same time due to having a young niece and nephew. Sherieff Callie, Doc McStuffins, MIles from Tommorowland, and after this T.O.T.S. and Rocketeer. I’m not saying these are masterpieces of the genre, but they have more effort in botht he animation and writing put in. Here it just feels like they do the bear minimum which feels really fucking wrong. These chracters deserve better and have thankfully gotten better. YOu can make a show for preschoolers that’s cutsey and harmless and still have it at least be creative god dammit. It’s why I don’t like covering this show. It just feels so.. lifeless. They try a bit here and there but outside of cuckoo, there’s nothing really new or intresting to really make kids love these characters and it bothers me. it bothers me a lot. 

Moving on thank god, the plot is bare bones as is the boys characterization. So far at least their character has been pretty consitent across all mediums. i’ts something I haven’t really touched on but their seen as world traveler’, Panchito being a Gaucho and Jose being such a ladies man this will probably happen to him eventually. 

I swear to god that was the only part of this movie I can remember. I’m  better off that way. But yeah without Panchito’s pep or Jose’s smooth talking ways, there’s just nothing for disney junior to work with so their just.. friends to donald who are nice to daisy. Which is very nice to see, but isn’t very intresting or gives me a lot to talk about. Donald eats a food that’s too hot, continues to talk poorly, and Daisy has to fill in. He gets back in at time and they sing probably the most forgetable cabs song yet. It’s.. not much honestly.  This was worth covering for completions sake but it dosen’t really add much. If nothing else it at least made me realize so far each mile of the ride has added something fresh to the characters: The original was the foundation, rosa gave them depth and made them feel like real people, and house of mouse made them feel like a big deal to other characters and made donald’s history as a cabllero part of his legacy as it should be. Each one so far has felt like it added.. this one just made me realize that and that is all. It builds on nothing adds nothing and there’s really nothing here other than MAYBE the brown/crimson design for panchito that carries over from the looks of it. The next two versions build on what rosa, the movie and to a lesser extent the house of mouse built. This one adds nothing. This plot is just.. inconqueintal. not bad for kids to know about them but even then it feels like a disapointing introduction. I fondly remember hte cabs episodes of house of mouse and even on rewatch they mostly held up despite some weak parts. This .. this will just be forgotten and I only hope legend and ducktales have done a better job keeping my boys alive in kids minds. God i’m depressed. Well at least this is over right.. right? 

Daisy’s Grande Goal

Okay as I said I was doing two, and rather than do this episode’s paired episode I decided on Season 2′s “Supercharged: Daisy’s Grande Goal”.. and cut the supercharged out of the title for the most part because why would you put the sutitle in your actual title. And only in some episodes. But yeah this season had a new gimmick, SUPERCHARGING... which basically means our heroes roadsters can go into super sayian tron super sayian mode and go real fast. They look real nice though and it has it’s own neat theme tune so there’s that. Otherwise the only other change is the animation which improves greatly. Seriously look at that shot above. That’s quality lin line with the ohter disney juinor shows. It’s still not as CREATIVE, but it’s not as slipshod as it started and I have to give them credit on that. 

So our heroes are in Brazil.. and as far as I can tell they drove there again.. but the diffrence is 1) you can actually DRIVE to brazil and 2) they have super fast super cars now, meaning even if the super charge mode has a timer, it can help with the commute. It’s also one of the boys actual home countries this time. I mean the episode isn’t built around the cabs.. but neither was the last one. Seriously I almost missed that: it’s three unrleated plots and really you could’ve just lenethed the bull and goofy plots a bit and left donald and daisy out. If your not going to use the cabs right hten don’t use them at all. Here though their used BETTER.. still not in the lead unforunately but at least them being on the brazilian soccer team makes sense as jose is from brazil and while panchito is it he’s his best friend, sometimes lover and always there when he needs him. So spending some time in brazil to play soccer/football isn’t a stretch. But that’s about it for their involvment: they say a few lines, are part of the brazilian team our heroes face, and we get Not-Donald saying “No Way Jose”.,,,

Sadly I can’t leave but the main plot is about Daisy’s Cousnt Almonda. She was in the previous episode which I did not watch but I do like both there being a valid reason why our heroes are here, and connection between episodes. While this season isn’t MUCH better.. it’s still better by some metric.  The plot is very basic: Almonda always wins at soccer ever since she and Daisy were kids, and it’s your basic “hero gets overcompetitive to finally win plot and learns to just have fun and to use teamwork heart of the cards and all that” It goes how you’d expect with Daisy hogging the ball and causing disasters and then a ten car pileup before cucoo yells at her, she realizes she was bad and also realizes Almonda had to practice hard to beat her, and ends up beating her through teamwork and you get it. IT’s not much But yeah ten car pile up.. that’s where it is intresting and rediculous as their playing soccer with cars. Which given i’ve always been an advocate for card games on motor cycles, seriously it’s not more rediculous than Yugioh was before that: in the anime and manga before 5ds we had table hockey but the puck is ice with nitrocylcrine in it, a battle with an escaped convict involving vodka and only using one finger, a chinese puzzel box that devoured souls, a dueling monkey, a whole hogwarts style school for dueling, duel spirits, our heroes childhood creations coming to life to help him, our hero merging with his androgynous childhood friend to fight the light of all evils, and on top of all of that, kaiba building a giant murder theme park soley to kill yugi and, even with how rich is he is, not even going to prison for the two months he’d get for that. My point is Yugioh is fricking weird and I love it so and card games on mortocyles is awesome.  Soccer with cars is alright. The teams are mickey, minnie, daisy and donald, for the US and Almonda, Jose, Panchito and.. Pancho Pete for the Brazilian team. Pete’s cousin. He apparenlty has a lot of em. Eh as long as we don’t get petkeem the african dream we’re fine. 

Why why did I make this. Why. But yeah it’s fine, not the best action ever adn the supercharge segments as I said look nice but as I also said ther’es just not a lot here. Daisy’s cousin is intresting, but likely more in the other segment. Here she’s more of a plot device to make daisy into an asshole for the episode so the plot can happen. There’s just not a lot to talk about> Hence me doing two of these. I will say it’s a better episode than the other one: it felt like more actually happened, it was more cohesive, had way more enerjgy and it had billy beagle... the series resident overexcited and loveable announcer voiced by the far from loveable jay leno of stealing conan’s job he gave him and last man standing, for some reason, fame. 

Overall these episodes are.. eh. The first one is kind of a mess, the second one is slightly better but these clearly werne’t meant for adults, let alone older kids and it shows. But I found some material here and made a horrifying combination of a terrible racist wwe gimmick and pete so.. I win/ I guess. I dunno, until next time, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.