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goldfades · 8 months ago

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★ YOU AND ME, WE'D BE A BIG CONVERSATION─── PB⁵ (part 1/3)

❪ requested -> "paige x famous!reader (singer, actress, up to u) inspired by endgame by ts where p reveals that r is her celeb crush in an interview and a few days later theres a vid of r responding to it saying shes been obsessed w paige lately / its such a big deal bc r has been involved in a lot of romantic drama lately so everyone is kinda iffy abt her rn, causing her to put up a tough guard. but p sees thru the facade when they start talking and allows her to be herself, making r fall even harder 🥹 " ❫ for my disco nonnie!

�� warnings | gossip, a lot of drama and random ass names (sorry i get confused when i don't name them), mention of panic attacks, hurt to comfort, pretty sure nothing else?

⇨ missing out on updates? check out my wcbb masterlist!

"Y/N L/N, ONE OF the biggest names right now in the music industry has found herself at the center of yet another romantic scandal involving her ex and now, reportedly a new lover."

The 22-year-old pop sensation, who recently topped the charts with her latest single, was spotted last night leaving an upscale Los Angeles restaurant with actress and heartthrob, Camilla Harrison. The two were seen getting into the same car, sparking rumors of a budding romance.

This sighting comes just weeks after Y/N's highly publicized breakup with fellow musician Lauren Marie, with whom she had a tumultuous on-again, off-again relationship for over two years. The split was reportedly mutual, with both parties citing busy schedules and the pressures of their careers as contributing factors. However, sources close to the couple suggest that Marie was unhappy about Y/N's close friendship with Harrison, which began on the set of her recent music video where Marie made a cameo appearance.

"Y/N and Cam have undeniable chemistry," says an insider. "They've been spending a lot of time together, and it's more than just a professional connection. They're trying to keep things low-key, but it's clear there's something more than friendship between them."

Despite the drama, Y/N continues to thrive professionally. Her upcoming album set to release in the next couple month, is already generating significant buzz. Critics are calling it her most mature work yet, with deeply personal lyrics that reflect her recent experiences.

Meanwhile, Harrison, 26, known for her roles in blockbuster films and her good looks, has remained tight-lipped about the rumors. Her publicist declined to comment, stating that Marie is concentrating on her upcoming film projects.

──

"Okay, next question," the reporter smiled as she scrolled through her phone as Paige gave a tight-lipped smile toward the camera. "Oh! Found a good one, okay. Who is your celebrity crush right now."

"That's easy!" Paige laughed as she glanced toward the reporter. "Y/N L/N, she's beautiful and insanely talented,"

The room filled with laughter as the reporter raised an eyebrow, clearly delighted by the response. "Y/N L/N, huh? That's a popular choice these days, a lot of people are big fans. Have you met her?"

Paige shook her head, her cheeks slightly flushing. "Nah, I wish. But I'm a huge fan of her music. Every song is a masterpiece and I'm not usually into pop,"

"Interesting," the reporter leaned forward, intrigued. "You know, there are rumors about Y/N's love life all the time. How do you feel about all the speculation surrounding her personal life?"

Paige shrugged, maintaining her relaxed demeanor despite the stupid question. "I think it's tough being in the spotlight like that. People forget that celebrities are human too. Everyone deserves a bit of privacy, I'm more interested in her work and what she brings to the music industry rather than whoever she's dating."

The reporter nodded, appreciating Paige's perspective. "Absolutely. It's refreshing to hear someone focus on the artistry rather than the gossip!"

──

"Okay, quick. Who's your celeb crush right now, other than Cam," Bowen Yang, grinned at you, raising an eyebrow as the audience laughed, eagerly awaiting your response.

You laugh (and decide to ignore the comment about Cam), feeling a slight blush creep up your cheeks. "Oh, come on, Bowen, you can't put me on the spot like that!"

Bowen leaned in, his grin widening. "Come on, Y/N, the people want to know!" He pointed to the crowd as they cheered, causing you to put your face in yours hands.

You then take a deep breath, pretending to think hard. "Fine, if I have to choose... I'd say Paige Bueckers. She's incredible on the court, and I've seen some interviews with her ─ she seems like such a cool person."

The audience erupts with loud cheers, causing both you and Bowen to laugh. Bowen's eyes widen, clearly delighted by your answer as he clapped. "Ooh, scandalous! Paige Bueckers, I love that! Have you met her?"

You shake your head, smiling. "No, not yet. But I did see a clip of her saying some really nice things about me recently. It was super sweet."

Bowen's face lights up with excitement. "She was practically gushing over you, this is perfect, we need to make this happen. Maybe you could collab, I don't know how but uh, if anyone could make it happen, it's you."

"Thank you, I think?" You laugh, nodding. "Totally, we'll see what happens."

Bowen turns to the camera, his enthusiasm infectious. "You heard it here first, folks! Y/N and Paige Bueckers, the crossover we never knew we needed but now desperately want!"

The audience erupts in applause and cheers, and you can't help but smile at the idea. Bowen turns back to you, his tone shifting slightly more serious. "Alright, before we wrap up, I have to ask ─ how do you deal with all the attention and rumors about your personal life? It seems like you're constantly in the spotlight."

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, caught off guard by the serious question. "It's um, definitely challenging at times, but I try to focus on the positive aspects. I love making music and my fans. As for the rumors, I just remind myself that I can't control what people say or think. I stay true to myself and the people who really know me, and that's what matters most."

Bowen nods appreciatively. "Wise words, Y/N. And that's why we love you so. Thank you so much for being here tonight."

"Thank you for having me," you reply, genuinely touched by the support.

"And that's Y/N L/N!"

The crowd erupts in cheers as you genuinely smile, happy for the support, waving toward the audience.

──

"Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast I'm Lila, and today we've got a lot to talk about. Y/N L/N is at the center of yet another romantic scandal, and there's even a new twist involving basketball star Paige Bueckers. Let's dive in!" Lila said, her enthusiasm palpable.

"Yaya, so excited," Maya chimed in, adjusting her headphones. "So, Y/N was spotted last night leaving an upscale LA restaurant with actress Cam Harrison. They got into the same car, which has everyone buzzing about a possible new romance."

"Yeah, and this is just weeks after her very public breakup with Lauren, I think that's her name? It's been a whirlwind, to say the least. But honestly, I think Y/N is handling it all pretty well. She's focused on her music, and she's just living her life. What's your take, My?" Lila asked, leaning in slightly.

Maya sighed, her skepticism evident. "I don't know, Lila. I get that she's young and living her life or whatever, but it feels like there's always some new drama with her. First Lauren, now Cam Harrison? It's starting to look like a pattern."

"But that's thing, with being in your early twenties. Figuring out what you want, who you want to be with? I mean, she's also incredibly talented and driven. Her new album is generating a ton of buzz and it hasn't even been released yet," Lila countered, her voice full of admiration.

"Sure, but it seems like she's always entangled in some romantic drama. Maybe it's just the nature of fame or whatever, but it can also come off as messy. And now, with Paige Bueckers gushing about her in that interview, it adds another layer. I just hope she’s not stringing people along," Maya replied, her tone annoyed.

Lila nodded, annoyed at Maya's words but maintaining her supportive stance. "I get where you're coming from, but did you see Paige's reaction? She was genuinely excited about Y/N. It was sweet. Plus, Y/N responded so positively on the SNL interview. I think it shows she's got a good heart and she's just navigating her way through a complicated life!"

Maya hesitated for a moment as she glanced at the camera, then continued. "I mean, look at Taylor Swift. She's known for her string of high-profile relationships and breakups, and it hasn't always been received positively. It feels like Y/N is heading down a similar path- What?"

"Come on, Maya!" Lila glared at her, clearly displeased. "Comparing Y/N to Taylor Swift isn't fair. Taylor's faced a lot of unfair criticism for just living her life and expressing herself through her music. Y/N is her own person, with her own journey. She's navigating her twenties in the spotlight, and that's not easy."

Maya just shrugged as she glanced toward the camera, before adjusting her mic. "Well that got awkward, moving on..."

──── COMMENTS

sela 🐾 | is she wrong though... love her music but why'd paige gotta get involved too? ♡ 108

↳ l/nslover | cause they like each other???

↳ 🦕 | has bro ever heard of a pr relationship 😭

↳ ari! | THEYRE NOT EVEN TOGETHER YET BROOO😭😭😭

sarah™️ | LILA GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE BROOOO 😭😭 i never liked maya tbh this is just a weird ass take ♡ 1.7k

kayla 🎀 | listen as a y/n girly i also understand maya's point of view cause.... shes kinda for the streets ♡ 879

↳ ™️ | dont call yourself a """"" y/n girly """""" if ur gonna say she's for the streets??? the fuck??

⭐️ | i was understanding maya's pov up until she started saying all that taylor swift bullshit, they're two separate artists LET US LIVEEEEEEE ♡ 2k

josie may | hardest watch of the day 🥲 maya u let us down with that dumb ass take

──

"I just kinda... wanna disappear for awhile," you confessed, your voice quiet as you pressed the phone to your ear. "Don't know why this keeps happening, you're the only that can... help me through it. Sorry if I woke you up-"

It happened again ─ over the last couple of months (ever since you'd broken up with Lauren) you'd gotten pretty severe panic attacks. You were told by everyone on your team to just stay off social media and what had you done... exactly the opposite of that.

"No, no, I was awake anyway, promise," Paige's voice echoed through the phone. You heard shuffling through the phone as you sniffled, sighing. "And I don't mind, like at all. I meant what I said, I'm always here for you,"

Your heart swelled as you managed a smile, as tears began to build in your eyes. You and Paige had only been talking a month and she already understood you more than anyone had in what felt like forever. Her steady presence was like an anchor in the storm of your life.

The constant media scrutiny and the aftermath of your breakup with Lauren had left you feeling alone, but Paige’s calming influence was slowly becoming your safe haven.

"I just... I don't know how to deal with all of it. The rumors, the pressure, it's all so overwhelming," you admitted, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. "Half of it, it isn't even true."

"Hey, it's okay, I know, I believe you," Paige's voice was soothing, almost like a warm embrace over the phone. Even the smallest affirmation from Paige made you feel all okay again, even if it was just for the moment.

"You're not alone in this. We can figure it out together, step by step."

That part made your lips twitch up in a smile, feeling yourself relax again. You took a deep breath, feeling a bit of the tension ease from your shoulders. "I just feel like I can't breathe sometimes. Like the walls are closing in, y'know?"

"I get it," Paige replied softly. She'd know about it all too well, she'd been through it herself plenty of times. "Sometimes it helps to focus on the small things. One step at a time, remember? Have you tried any of those breathing exercises I taught you?"

You nodded, even though she couldn't see you. "Yeah, a little. They help, but it’s hard to remember in the moment."

"Next time you feel a panic attack coming on, call me. Anytime, okay? We'll get through it together," Paige's voice was firm, reassuring. "You don't deserve the shit they give you, like at all."

"Thank you," you whispered, feeling a surge of gratitude. "I don't know what I'd do without you, P."

"You don't have to thank me. I care about you, and I wanna help. Plus, I like hearing your voice," Paige added with a light chuckle, trying to lift your spirits.

You couldn't help but smile at that. "Me too, especially your cute tired voice."

"Cute, really?" Paige laughed through the phone and you swore you felt like your whole world felt even again. "But uh, if you do really wanna disappear you can always come to Connecticut."

The thought of escaping the relentless spotlight, even for a little while, sounded like a dream. "Really?"

"Yeah, you can stay with me for a bit, if that's uh... what you want." Paige explained through the phone. "My friends are super chill and it's always a fun time, if you ever wanna come. Think about it?"

The idea of spending time with the basketball player you'd quickly become enthralled with, seemed almost like a dream. And getting away from LA and all the madness that came with it sounded heavenly, you were going to give Connecticut a thought.

You sighed, feeling a warmth spread through you that had been absent for far too long. "Yeah, I will. And Paige?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. Really."

"Anytime, Y/N. Sweet dreams."

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

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sadnightforus · 3 months ago

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musician!jake who is a world renowned singer, known for his heartfelt and passionate songs about the only person he’d write for, you, who is also a fellow musician. His good looks and songwriting skills attract the attention of many and he remains as the heartthrob for many, many years. You, being a singer who is famous for your wonderful voice too, quickly caught his attention when you first made your debut.

musician!jake who confessed that every song he has ever written, he hopes you’d hear them. You both had collaborated on some singles and many of his fans and yours are aware that you both are close friends. Many people even ship you and urge you to give him a chance, since he always writes his music with you as his muse. Truthfully, you had your eyes on him too, and you both hit it off greatly, from the beginning, it seems.

musician!jake who is known as sweet and endearing as his music, the gentleman who wants to treat you right and shield you from any pain in his music, he couldn’t be more of the opposite in real life. You both kissed, loved each other, but his non-committal ways started becoming more and more obvious to you as time went on.

musician!jake who is actually a horribly toxic partner and you both dated, going on and off for around 5 years already. He always strings girls along to make you jealous, hoping you’d run back into his arms and strangely enough, it works. You both ended up in a relationship twice already, hoping for the story to turn out differently, but it never did.

musician!jake whose heart only contains your picture, but he can’t commit, if anything else. He has so many problems; which comes with being a high profile celebrity, being with you, another high profile celebrity during the time you both dated. Then he used rebounds and hopping around with many other high profile celebrities: models, musicians, actresses, you name it (not that you totally keep track of that…). He hopes that by doing this, you’ll crack and come to him, showing that you need him as much as he needs you.

musician!jake who always seeks to feel your words and comfort, no matter how many rebounds he has. It’s a habit that he should stop, but seeing you with that new celebrity you announce you’re in a relationship (or even seeing) makes him, so so mad. He wishes that he could take you away from them. No matter who, and where, he selfishly wants you to be available for him.

musician!jake who ropes you into a love triangle scandal, with him messing around with a less famous musician who went on to blow up instantly, and she went on to sing songs shading about him and why he doesn’t acknowledge her. The truth is, the only person whom he has ever acknowledged publicly is you, no other woman has ever held a candle to you. You have him wrapped around your fingers, and the same goes for you. The media drags you, remembering surviving the hate because of your romantic relationship involvement, but it’s all worth it, as long as it’s him.

musician!jake who seems to never have his priorities straight— he always hurts you. In and out of a relationship. During the time of your relationship both times, you both often argued and then made up with a passionate night that made you weak in the knees when thinking back about it. But when you both really argued, he couldn’t stand you and always made you cry. You both had a lot of problems, but you realized one thing; he has even more issues than you, with the way he can’t make up his mind.

musician!jake who finally realizes that you’re slipping away from his life for good, when you notice his patterns that never change. He’s your karmic lover, the greatest lover, the most passionate, but undoubtedly, the worst and most heartbreaking to let go of. You’re ready to give him up, even though you loved each other so much— but it’ll never work out. The relationship can’t go on like this and while you work on healing himself, he seems to never take his therapist’s words to heart.

musician!jake who will spend time wondering about his ‘what if’s with you, mirroring yours. You both longed to love each other, but maybe in an alternate universe. You’re done with him. You’re done being hurt like this. And you hope that the next person can love you as much as he does, without hurting you.

COPYRIGHTED BY SADNIGHTFORUS, 2024

A/N: wrote this while listening to chanel no. 5 by camila cabello... (and i totally did not write this based off her relationship with mister shawn mendes). please listen to that song to get the vibe of this (yes i'm aware she... is something. but you have to admit the song is good)

reblogs, comments and likes are appreciated!

#kpop au #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfic #enha imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen drabbles #enha x reader #enha angst #jake sim x reader #jake sim angst #sim jaeyun x reader #jake enhypen drabble #enha timestamps #jake sim fanfic #jake sim imagines #enhypen scenarios

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yridenergyridenergy · 1 year ago

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Burrn! Japan vol. 23 Individual Interview Translation Notes

Kyo's favourite movies are those that leave a really bad aftertaste, which he just can't watch more than once or twice. Besides Holy Mountain, some of his highlights have been Pearl, MEN and Midsommar. Ideally, he'd love to replicate this in a live show: as a fan, you would be so shocked and blinded by tears that you couldn't even see Kyo. He thinks that Dir en grey is more and more working toward this kind of mission. Kyo would also love to perform in Las Vegas' SPHERE venue, with this type of overwhelming shock.

If he had to make a movie, it would also be one that leaves a bad aftertaste and which nobody could sanely watch more than twice, but since he would have to do multiple reviews as the director, it won't happen.

Kyo finally explained the focus on Uroboros more: he feels that Dir en grey was able to build something more from this point onward. The worldview started with Withering to death. too, but the base was set more firmly with Uroboros.

For Kyo, the inclusion of Oboro is what totally changes a setlist. He feels that it's a bottomless pit, like he's cutting deeper and deeper into a wound. For Die, The World of Mercy is the song that can make a whole difference in a setlist, because of the change of tempo in the middle.

Die described that when they try to compose songs, sometimes, after 25 years, they can have the impression that the melody's already been done before. But then, let's say Kyo adds his singing on top of it, and it goes through the filters of the other members too, and in the end, Die feels like: "Wow, it's something totally different now!"

Die doesn't usually work on melodies in his free time. The ideas come to him the most when there is a concrete release decided and deadlines, even if he doesn't like deadlines.

Regarding the upcoming European tour, Die reflects that Withering to death. was the first time that they toured in Europe, and in general they have never done "concept tours" overseas. He feels that the band will be able to do things in 2024 that they weren't able to do back then.

Apparently Dir en grey is thinking of celebrating the 30th anniversary since their formation!! And they are wondering whether to release the next album before that or around the same time.

Kaoru mentioned that at first, only Acro no Oka and Zan were supposed to be recorded with Yoshiki in LA, but when they arrived, it was decided to add Yurameki. About Acro no Oka, Yoshiki commented that it was a concern because of the lack of "collision of sounds", whereas Zan was a problem of collision of sounds.

In Yurameki, apparently they recorded some strings separately and overlapped them in post-production because Yoshiki asked Kaoru to play something in a specific way that was impossible, because the string couldn't be held down simultaneously. They figured: "No one will notice."

This European tour was supposed to happen in 2022 to coincide with the band's 25th anniversary.

Shinya would have preferred to sleep until 4PM on the day of this interview. He also appreciated that the songs of Phalaris were introduced in three segments/tours, because he had trouble memorizing the structure of the songs. It would have been impossible for him to play all of the album's songs at once live.

His favourite kind of ending is when the show doesn't end with a bang, but that it instead leaves a lingering worldview, which was accomplished with Kamuy. His favourite part is when the curtain was lowered in front of the stage as soon as Kamuy started. Ideally, he would always just walk off the stage without throwing drumsticks or anything.

For the first time, the rehearsal for Tour23 Phalaris Final –the scent of a peaceful death- was not just [rhythm section] then [whole band]. At Die's suggestion, they had rhythm first, then the four musicians, and finally the whole band rehearsed together.

Shinya was ecstatic that his composition, Yurameki, was chosen for the major debut and that it was produced with Yoshiki. Ever since then, he felt like he could die happy, and all the way up until now, Shinya has continually felt like he could be content to die at any moment.

For ten years now, Shinya has wished to record simple drum melodies. Also, he thinks that he will struggle to re-learn how to play the Uroboros songs.

Toshiya reveals that the imagery projected on the curtain in the opening (during Otogi) and ending (during Kamuy) of the shows in Tour23 Phalaris Final –the scent of a peaceful death- were generated by AI.

It seems that a lot of people have commented that going to see Dir en grey is more like a spectacle than seeing a rock band's live performance.

Toshiya was initially opposed to the idea of re-recording the three singles of their major debut. He feels that old songs are out of their hands, and some things about them belong to the listeners and their past experiences of it. In other words, he is worried that re-recording could destroy something about the memories associated to the songs. In his view, it's better for the creators to re-imagine the songs, like they have done with their remakes so far. At the same time, in retrospection, Toshiya is glad that they decided to do it, because it made him realize that a lot has changed in 25 years, but a lot also hasn't changed, with the band.

#Dir en grey #interview #translation #magazine #burrn #volume 23 #Burrn! Japan #19990120 #Kyo #Die #Kaoru #Shinya #Toshiya #scans #scan #live #tour23 Phalaris Final -the scent of a peaceful death-#Phalaris

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ineveryspaceandtime · 11 months ago

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miles truly does love music SO fucking much and he expresses it in the most beautiful ways. like how he throws himself into all sorts of projects, whether it's something he's initiated/was involved in from the conception (like w the puppets and the upcoming mk and the evils) or something he's been invited to collaborate on—regardless of whether this means he's working w big names or lesser known artists—or even just the way he supports & celebrates other musicians. you can see that he delights in all of these; it's so clear that he does it all purely for the love of music. and that's why i find it incredibly upsetting when he's written off as a flop just bc he doesn't enjoy the same level of success as a certain other act. it's awful that to this day, people still have such a narrow definition of success, that they refuse to see beyond sales or charts and that they can't at the least acknowledge that miles is someone who pursues his passion. like yeah i'm certain that he has goals for himself that he hasn't yet achieved, but that hasn't stopped him! bc year after year he still puts everything he has into whatever he does, and he does so wholeheartedly. his work ethic is genuinely inspiring. i just wish people could see that.

#miles kane #like i swear if a certain faction on stantwt were judged for their successes in their various pursuits by the standards they hold miles to #a LOT of them would be found to be lacking #kind of went on a rant here bc i refuse to engage w anyone on that hellsite lol. after this i can be like 💆🏽‍♀️💆🏽‍♀️💆🏽‍♀️#lux.txt

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the-s1lly-corner · 1 year ago

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The Amazing Digital Masterpost, Volume 3

at this point you should already know the song and dance! let me know if there are any problems with the links/things get mixed up! As of 1/20/2024 this masterlist is complete!

CAST POSTS:

x Itward!reader

x dog!reader who bites things

x reader who is short and fluffy

x reader who is too nice

x short and feisty!reader

x giant soft bunny plushie!reader

Finding the reader crying

x clingy!child!reader (platonic)

x big and mean!reader (not romantic or platonic ur just mean)

x reader who freezes/shuts down when stressed

finding out the reader has a good singing voice

x cartoony!reader

x reader who loves christmas

x reader who has anger issues

x reader who has abandonment issues

x animal crossing player!reader

x clumsy but flirty!reader

x reader who calls them petnames

x reader who cries when angry

x reader who has bad depth perception

x reader who dyes their hair a lot

Kiss cam

x reader who always smiles

Under the mistletoe

x carousel horse!reader

x sensitve!child!reader (platonic)

x reader who wears a box on their head due to their looks

Comforting the reader

Celebrating Valentines day

Waking them up with a morning kiss

MULTI:

Caine and Kinger x reader who has mean thoughts

Caine, Kinger, and Ragatha x reader who emotionally blows up

Caine and Kinger x reader who has ADHD

Caine, Jax, and Kinger x food themed!reader

Jax and Zooble x reader but its hanahaki

Pomni and Jax x chubby!curvy!reader

Zooble and Jax x squirrel!reader

Kinger, Jax, and Caine x reader who does animal crossing emotes

Zooble, Caine, Jax, and Kinger x rude!reader who gives good advice

Ragatha and Pomni x reader who changes color based on emotions

Kinger, Gangle, and Caine x detective!reader

Kinger, Caine, Gangle and Ragatha x badass!princess!reader

Gangle, Ragatha, and Pomni x rude!reader who gives good advice

Kinger and Caine x reader who fidgets

Pomni, Jax, and Ragatha x mute!reader

Kinger, Zooble, and Gangle x elderly!reader (platonic)

Caine, Zooble, Gangle, and Pomni x sweet!kid!reader (platonic)

Gangle, Pomni, and Zooble x stress toy/squeaky toy!reader

Jax and Pomni x porcelain doll!reader

Pomni and Ragatha x porcelain doll!ballerina!reader who is reckless

Jax and Zooble x barbie doll!reader

Pomni and Zooble x introverted!reader

Gangle, Kinger, Jax and Caine x reader who hosts shows

Ragatha, Jax, Kinger and Zooble x reader in the real world but one of them cant cook

Dancing in the rain w/ Gangle, Jax, and Kinger (real world au)

"Run! Dont worry about me!" Gangle, Ragatha, Pomni and Kinger x reader

Zooble, Kinger, Jax, and Pomni when the reader tells them they love them for the first time

First kiss w/ Jax, Pomni, Ragatha and Zooble

CAINE:

Caine x reader w/ really long hair

Caine x developer!reader (platonic)

Reader proposing to him

Caine x musician!reader

Random Caine x reader hcs

Real world Caine hcs

Caine x reader who changes colors based on emotion

Caine x AI!assistant!reader

POMNI:

Pomni x kitsune!reader

Pomni x reader who is the same height as her

Pomni x girly!reader

Pomni being down bad for the reader

Reader leaving kiss marks on her face

RAGATHA:

Ragatha x girly!reader

General Ragatha hcs

JAX:

Jax x teddy bear!reader who hates him (not platonic nor romantic LMAO)

Jax x reader who is made of cake

Jax x alien!reader

General Jax hcs

Jax x uzudere!reader

First kiss w/ Jax

KINGER:

Kinger x reader who doesnt like bugs

Kinger x reader fluff hcs

General Kinger x reader angst hcs

Kinger crushing on the reader

More Kinger angst

Kinger x reader who has cuteness aggression

More general Kinger hcs

ZOOBLE:

Blind!Zooble x reader (platonic)

Zooble x weighted plushie!reader

GANGLE:

Gangle x bunny!mechanic!reader

Gangle x reader who puts stickers on her mask

Gangle x supportive!flirty!reader

OTHER:

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #pomni x reader #pomni x you #ragatha x reader #ragatha x you #jax x reader #jax x you #kinger x reader #kinger x you #zooble x reader #zooble x you #gangle x reader #gangle x you

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mariacallous · 9 months ago

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Is a five-year age gap in a relationship a little untoward? What about a three-year gap?

On social media, Gen Zers ― at least those who are chronically online ― are constantly debating the ethics of age gaps. Even if some relationships are perfectly legal, that doesn’t necessarily make them ethical, many say.

It’s little wonder then that age-disparate relationships are cause for so much conversation: Having grown up alongside the #MeToo movement, Generation Z is well versed in unbalanced power dynamics and the language of consent. And lately, there’s been plenty of celebrity pairings to interrogate.

There’s the obviously icky examples, like the recent, short-lived romance between Aoki Lee Simmons — Russell and Kimora Lee Simmons’ 21-year-old daughter — and restaurateur Vittorio Assaf, 65. Earlier this month, viral photos showed the pair flouncing around on vacation in St. Barts.

Yes, they’re both consenting adults, but it was still unseemly, critics said. If anything, the argument that they’re both of age is “something groomers cling to,” as one young woman on Threads put it.

“Adulthood was meant to signify voting/draft age,” she wrote. “But everyone knows your prefrontal cortex is not fully formed at this age.” (This difference between so-called brain age and chronological age ― you might be 21 but your brain is undeveloped! ― often gets brought up in these kinds of conversations.)

There are gender-swapped examples too, like actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson and filmmaker Sam Taylor-Johnson, a now-married couple who met while working on a 2009 John Lennon biopic called “Nowhere Boy.” At the time, he was in his late teens and she was a mother of two in her early 40s.

“I didn’t relate to anyone my age,” the actor told The Telegraph in 2019, reflecting on when they first met. “I just feel that we’re on the same wavelength.”

Some fans aren’t convinced. “We def aren’t talking about male grooming victims enough and this is literally proof,” one person wrote in a highly shared TikTok video about their coupling.

Then there’s the less expected critiques: Is four years too much of an age gap? “At 25, I wouldn’t even date a 21 year old,” reads one tweet with around 80,000 likes.

What about 10 years? Fans of Billie Eilish were up in arms in 2022 when the then-20-year-old singer revealed that she was dating fellow musician Jesse Rutherford, who was in his early 30s. One viral tweet about the 10-year age gap reads: “jesse rutherford was alive during george h w bush’s presidency . billie eilish cannot legally drink.”

Long-established relationships aren’t safe, either. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively’s 11-year gap has been scrutinized. And recently, Beyhive members have begun debating whether Beyoncé was “groomed” because she was 19 when she started dating Jay-Z, who was in his early 30s.

Noncelebrity couples are getting called out, too. “I was 19. My now husband was 27. My now 13yo child calls him my ‘predator,’” one woman wrote on Threads alongside laughing emoji, probably only half-joking.

Why Gen Z Seems To Have Such An Aversion To Age Gaps

Is Gen Z just more prudish on this subject than prior generations?

Not necessarily, said Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and the host of the “Sex and Psychology Podcast.” He’s been studying age-gap relationships for roughly 20 years and said the stigma around age-disparate relationships is long-standing.

In 2008 ― when terms like “cradle robber” and “cougar” were bandied around a lot more than they are now ― Lehmiller co-authored a study that found age-discrepant couples reported experiencing significantly more social disapproval than people in gay or interracial couples.

So the discomfort around these types of relationships isn’t anything new. What is new, according to Lehmiller, is how comfortable Gen Z feels about publicly and vocally disapproving of these relationships ― even on people’s personal Instagram pages. (Aaron and Sam Taylor-Johnson recently spoke out against the “bizarre” online judgment they’ve received. Eilish and Rutherford brushed off the criticism from overly concerned fans by dressing up as a baby and an old man one Halloween.)

“To some in Gen Z, age-gap relationships read as being inherently exploitative because they perceive age discrepancies as necessarily creating a power imbalance that favors the older partner,” Lehmiller told HuffPost.

What’s also changed is which parties tend to receive the brunt of the judgment. In the past, people were often scornful of both the younger and older partners in these relationships. Historically, the younger partners, especially when they were women, endured labels like “gold digger” ― with the implication that they were the ones doing the exploiting. That terminology doesn’t always fly with Gen Z.

“That perception seems to have largely disappeared when you look at what Gen Z is saying,” Lehmiller noted. “They seem to cast the younger partners as victims who are being preyed upon or ‘groomed.’”

Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and resident intimacy expert for dating app 3Fun, worries that the term “grooming” is being overapplied and losing its meaning.

“The narrative is really toxic here and in many other cases,” she told HuffPost. “Trans people are groomers, gay people are groomers, older people dating younger people are groomers ― and this just isn’t accurate. It’s a really fear-mongering time we live in.”

Gen Z may be hyperfocused on this because of their age: If you’re a 35-year-old woman, you’re probably less hung up on the idea of a 50-year-old guy expressing interest in you.

“I think younger people may be more susceptible to manipulation and are therefore more afraid of it,” Engle said. “The reality is, age-gap relationships have been happening since humans have existed, and it is absolutely not some one-size-fits-all. In the vast majority of relationships like this, nothing untoward is happening.”

Here’s What Gen Z Has To Say About Age Gaps

Talking to actual Gen Zers, you’ll find that their opinions on age gaps run the gamut. As with most things, their takes on the subject are much more nuanced than those found on X, the platform previously known as Twitter, would have you believe.

That said, many are genuinely bothered by age gaps. While the #MeToo movement gave them the language to talk about power imbalances, some 20-somethings say their opinions are more colored by their own personal experiences.

Layla — a 23-year-old who asked to use her first name only for privacy reasons, like others in this story — thinks it’s better to date within your own age group, ideally within a two- or three-year range.

“When I was around 21 and 22, I tried talking to guys who were 30 and over but soon realized it wasn’t right,” she told HuffPot. “They had so much more life experiences than me, and it was awkward being from different generations.”

Layla said she’d tried to joke and laugh about certain things ― a meme or a TikTok video ― and got a lot of blank stares. She wasn’t a fan of their humor, either: A date recounting the umpteenth “Seinfeld” episode or that one “Step Brothers” scene gets a little old after a while.

“Trying to relate to one another just didn’t work out, and it felt awkward and wrong,” she said.

“I believe a relationship between an 18- and 25-year-old is problematic,” Layla said, noting that this applies regardless of gender.

“I actually wish women got called out for their predatory behavior, too,” she said. “It almost seems like no one wants to hold women accountable.”

Mona, a 21-year-old college student in Georgia, even finds her own parents’ 11-year age gap a little “predatory”: Her dad was in his late 30s and a divorced father of one when he met her mom, who was in her late 20s and didn’t have children.

Mona would date someone three years older. She wouldn’t consider going younger, though. “I do think that an 18- and 25-year-old together is unacceptable,” she said.

She is particularly weirded out when she hears people talk about how their partner basically raised them or taught them “how to be a woman,” as Beyoncé said to Jay-Z in a 2006 birthday toast that went viral recently.

Mona is also wary of anyone who almost exclusively dates young people ― the Leonardo DiCaprios of the world. Every time the 49-year-old actor gets a new girlfriend, a graph highlighting the fact that each of his ex-girlfriends has been 25 or under starts circulating again.

“Any respectable adult would have the common sense that pursuing a teenager is extremely weird, and I also believe it says a lot about the headspace of the older person,” the 21-year-old said.

Mona also thinks the COVID-19 pandemic might’ve been a factor in Gen Zers’ apprehension over age gaps. They might technically be 21, but given that weird few-year pause, they don’t feel it.

“You hear about how we’re mentally the same age that we were when the pandemic first started,” she said. “That might play a role in why some people are not settling on older people pursuing them ― you feel you’re still too young.”

Not everyone agrees. Rei, a 22-year-old who is queer, said they don’t find age-disparate relationships inherently problematic. They said there’s a lot more than age that gives people power over each other, and if you consider five years an “age-gap relationship” then Rei is currently in one.

“Though my partner is older than me, I have a college degree and she doesn’t,” they said. “So arguably I have a better financial and career outlook that would make me the ‘abusive one,’ if you’re using that language.”

Age gaps may be more common in the queer community, Rei said. “I don’t know a gay guy who hasn’t been with someone much older than him,” they said. “It’s just normal to us.”

Problematic dynamics can exist no matter the age. “People now don’t know what grooming is and just use the term as synonymous with age gaps,” Rei said.

To some extent, Rei sees the hubbub over age gaps as an overcorrection of the mores ushered in by the #MeToo movement.

“People overadjust and assume that any relationship out of the norm is abusive,” they said. “In my experience, people who feel age gaps are problematic are also the same people who argue the internet is harmful and should be censored because they had a bad experience as a kid. Your experience isn’t universal.”

For Amelia, 24, actual age matters less than the stage of life you’re in. She figures if you’re a relatively accomplished 28-year-old dating an accomplished 40-year-old, what’s the big deal? The word “grooming” really only applies when an adult is introduced to a future partner when they’re underage, Amelia said.

She cited the relationship between Dane Cook and his wife as an “egregious” example of a questionable age gap. (The now-52-year-old comedian met Kelsi Taylor at a game night he hosted when she was in her late teens.)

“Do I think it’s possible for people like that to have a healthy and happy relationship? Sure,” Amelia said. “But the older I get, my desire to talk to high schoolers grows slimmer and slimmer. I really can’t put myself in the shoes of someone who would want to befriend a high schooler.”

That said, Amelia thinks that some Gen Zers take their judgment too far. To her, the concern over age gaps seems like a weirdly “paternalistic” brand of feminism, where women feel the need to protect women from men.

“It’s similar to how Swifties treat Taylor Swift,” she said, referring to the now-34-year-old pop star.

“You have young women ‘looking out for’ a billionaire woman in her 30s. I’m a fan of Taylor Swift, but I don’t think she needs protecting from Travis Kelce because Travis Kelce got in the face of his NFL coach during the Super Bowl.”

The anti-age-gap sentiment held by many plays into the “puriteen” narrative that’s been inescapable lately. Online, there’s a lot of hand-wringing over Gen Zers’ seeming aversion to sex: Studies show that they’re having less of it than earlier generations and that they don’t want sex scenes in their movies.

Though Amelia overall disagrees with age-gap critics ― she feels like their arguments rob women of their agency, she said ― she gets where those in her peer group are coming from.

“The majority of us had unsupervised internet access from a young age. We were in chatrooms, on Tumblr, and other various corners of the internet that we probably should not have been on at that age,” she said. “It was easy for grown men on the internet to reach us if they wanted to.”

If you’ve been oversexualized at a young age ― or seen others in your age bracket be oversexualized ― that experience is understandably going to shape how you perceive these kinds of things, Amelia said.

But the reality is, there are likely just as many happy May-December unions as there are disappointing ones. “Believe it or not, we often see more ― not less ― equity in these relationships,” Lehmiller noted.

All of the Gen Zers we spoke to said that ultimately, two consenting adults can do whatever they want in their private lives, even if others find it off-putting.

“Men can like women that are younger and not be a creep,” Amelia said. “He also can be a creep, but some random person with a Twitter cartoon avatar shouldn’t necessarily be the judge of that!”

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zee-has-commitment-issues · 5 months ago

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Cabaret rant. Go

I already answered this and then tumblr deleted what I wrote and I’m PISSED.

They changed the theater a lot since the last time I was there (the last time I was there was for Mean Girls like 7 years ago). They've changed enough that they must be fairly confident this is going to be a long ass run of the show because it certainly cost them MONEY.

They have you enter through the side in an alleyway because the show is about the Kit Kat Club, an underground club in Berlin, 1940s. Before you even go in, they check your ID to see if you're over 21, and if you are, you get a little stamp on your wrist.

You have to walk through the alleyway to get into the theater after you pass security. At the end of the alleyway they ask for your phone, where they put a sticker over your camera. There are no phones allowed before, during or after the show. Wait until you get outside.

Once inside, they check your 21+ stamp. If you have one, they hand you a shot to take before you go down to the pre-show entertainment.

Pre-show entertainment is a cabaret-esque experience, with dancers and musicians who make their way through the crowd as you are drinking and mingling. They have custom cocktails for the Kit Kat Club, and that is all they serve besides wine and champagne.

When it is time for the show, you are ushered to your seats or tables. The stage is a circular platform in the middle of the room and it isn't very big. The actors and performers must walk through the audience to get on and off of stage, which results in many of the show-goers becoming the show, with talk backs, the cabaret girls/boys dancing at their table, etc.

Eddie Redmayne (yes THAT one) plays the Emcee right now and he is PHENOMENAL. Delightfully creepy in his role. He did break character once after a truly horrific joke that got more laughs than he expected. It was fun.

Gayle Rankin (yes THAT one) is playing Sally Bowles at the current moment. I had literal goosebumps after she sang Cabaret, the title song of the show. It was insane. She was insane. I was in awe.

The whole thing was very androgynous as well, and they didn't shy away from the sexual nature of cabaret that so often gets watered down when it's talked about. They are prostitutes, almost every single character in the show, and they talk about it. They show it. They don't, however, make it purely about fem-presenting prostitutes.

Men and women wore the same costumes throughout the entire show, no matter what that costume was. Shorts? yes. Dresses? yes. Suits? yes. They wore the same thing. Some fem-presenting performers wore subtle makeup, whereas some of the masc-presenting performers wore bright pink eyeshadows and glitter on their nipples.

There is a historical inherent inequality in how sex work is shown for women vs men in these kinds of shows - in this show, even, despite it always being a step ahead - and this rendition of it did not have that inequality. Everyone was equally celebrated and judged for it, and everyone showed the same amount of skin.

The thing about Cabaret is that it is interpreted differently by every single director that puts it on. No two renditions are alike, and that's the beauty of it. This particular rendition was a uniquely incredible study in performance art, and a wild commentary on the world's current political climate.

If you are unfamiliar with the show, Cabaret takes place in the beginning stages of Nazi Germany. Do with that what you will. Think of the crossover between that time and this one as you will.

(spoiler: most characters in this show are thinking "it's fine, nothing will happen, the election doesn't really matter, the nazis won't come into power")

I don't want to spoil everything in this interpretation, especially not the ending, in case anyone goes to see it or in case a recording or something comes out at some point, but I will say that one of the BIG lines in the ending is "if you are not wholeheartedly against this, you might as well be for it" and it was an incredible commentary on current times.

Another part of the show that gets changed from one rendition to another is the closing number, which is an almost word for word reprise of the opening. One of the lines is "even the orchestra is beautiful" and in the closing number, the orchestra begins to play out of tune after that line. It was insane. It was brilliant.

It was truly a one of a kind experience from start to end. There was no sense of it being part of a bigger show, even though logically we knew it was. From start to end it felt like you were truly a part of this Kit Kat Club, and it made the ending hit so much harder. During the intermission the actors came out and sat with people in the audience, spoke with them, drank with them, danced with them and brought them on stage. There was no "them" and "us." It seemed like we were just as much part of the spectacle as they were, even though that's obviously not the case.

It was brilliant. A show I'll simply never forget. It left everyone feeling exactly how you should feel at the end of Cabaret, with the Emcee's words haunting you

"Where are your troubles now, eh? Forgotten?"

Here are the only two pictures I really got from the night:

left: 21+ stamp and phone sticker; right: alley entrance right before phones must be put away

#ask me again #I dare you #I can probably (definitely) find more to talk about #cabaret

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gravesung-moving · 5 months ago

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* ANSWER TWENTY - ONE QUESTIONS ! some questions may be ‘ ??? ‘ instead of answered.

01. NICKNAME : raine 02. REAL NAME : emma 03. ZODIAC : gemini 04. HEIGHT : 5′9′’ 05. WHAT TIME IS IT ? : 10:54 am. 06. FAVOURITE MUSICIANS / GROUPS : lately it's been hoz.ier, air traffic controller, hal.sey (thanks hol), brick + mortar, the neighbourhood, zack hemsey (underrated, listen to him), and then just 100000 other artists that i only know 1-2 songs by because of character playlists 07. FAVOURITE SPORTS TEAM : uhh hh h (sweats) the sportsball sportsballers (nodding. i'm so cool and know a single thing about sp 08. OTHER BLOGS : @/huntershowl, my main blog! beloved oc, writing whom has changed my life in so many ways! also elizabeth bioshock at @/cewyll but the activity there is super low rn. she sleebin. once dragon age comes out she'll wake back up 09. DO I GET ASKS ? : HAHA. (TAKES A LOGN DRAG OF A CIGARETTE) bOY DO I MISS GETTING NICE ONES 10. HOW MANY BLOGS DO I FOLLOW ? : 133 (wow? goddamn) 11. ANY TUMBLR CRUSHES : oo. i haven't been here super long (since The Resurgence at least) & pre-anime boy takeover this blog was more just a friends-only sandbox zone, so i don't do a lot of outreach still. —but also, who are we kidding, yes 100%: @vzmky's geto portrayal & art has me in shambles. same goes for @brazenlystrong, ur art and portrayal is so [chef kiss]??? (& lbr you two are a package deal SDHSKJDH) —@sasouken we've only written together a little bit so far, but i'm already like !!! EEE whenever i see a message or reply from u. such an honor honestly. —also silly but needs to be said, despite literally being mains @chaoslulled is STILL fuckin awe inspiring in every way. i still get a little thrill when i see ur replies AND I DO STILL READ EVERY ONE THREE TIMES 12. LUCKY NUMBER : 4 (thanks artemis fowl) 13. WHAT AM I WEARING RIGHT NOW : pjs... though im about to change into some kinda cuteass fall outfit for a walk outside & the gym 14. DREAM VACATION : prollyyyyyy italy to visit mine papá... although tokyo & amsterdam sound very fun too i just love cities 15. DREAM CAR : a solid public transport system 16. FAVOURITE FOOD : curry. any kind of curry 17. DRINK OF CHOICE : coffee (flat cappuccino or just drip w/ cream), spicy black teas (dont get me started ill talk forever), or if we're talking alcohol, i always gravitate toward floral gin drinks 18. LANGUAGES : english but i am learning welsh for fun. at some point i GOTTA start learning italian but i'm putting it off because i'm lazy 19. INSTRUMENTS : cello & piano, a ttteeeeeeeny bit of guitar, took vocal lessons for a while, but honestly cello is my main bitch forever and ever 20. CELEBRITY CRUSHES : c.ate blanchett, d.aniel henney, k.eanu reeves, j.anelle monae, k.ing princess, uhhh kaoru kobayashi has real hot scarred dad vibes in midnight diner (this answer has not changed since 2019 when i last did it) 21. RANDOM FACT : i just started an art mentorship!! gonna be commissioned a custom mural (themed on isolation, there will be hellhound & lighthouse themes involved most likely lbr) & later this fall, doing some inking for a mecha comic under guidance of a local artist i admire so much. it's gonna take an entire year but i'm so excited about it, especially because i want to eventually make my own webcomic/GN about mx houndcreature eventually (soonish)

TAGGED BY : thiefed it.

TAGGING : y'all know by now that i barely have enough confidence to tag the earlier ppl. THIEF IT. TAG ME SO I CAN SEE. but also @tewwor because you tagged me in this 5 yrs ago

#ooc.#mun bullshit.#dash games.#long post cw

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billysjoel · 10 months ago

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hello. i really enjoy your content, but i have to say i'm kinda disappointed on you still being a ts fan. this woman knows what disney does and yet she still gave them the rights, meaning she either doesn't care or actively supports the genocide. or maybe she decided to turn her morals off because money is more important. not to mention how she consistently associates herself with questionable people and how a person literally died in one of her shows on brazil and she gave zero fucks. this woman is not a good person and there are no excuses to being her fan anymore.

no, i fully understand what you're saying and where you're coming from. over the last like. idk year and a half? ive been pretty vocal about my disappointment, distaste, and disagreement with a multitude of the choices she's made lately. i 100% agree that her silence on the subject of palestinian genocide (as well as many other human rights/social causes) is at best a sign of apathy and at worst a sign of support. especially when miss americana was all about her wanting to be more outspoken and be an activist. that all feels so incredibly performative now -- and has for a while. a lot of things that she's said and done since midnights, which is when i became more active in the tumblr swiftie community, have left a bad taste in my mouth for her as a person.

like i said, i genuinely agree with what you're saying. the only thing i take issue with is that she didn't care that a fan died at her show. she donated money to the fan's family and took time to meet them. regardless of my many issues with her, i do think she can be an empathetic person and i don't think that she just straight up didn't care that someone died before her show. it's one of those things (of which there are many) where we'll never know her true thoughts bc she doesn't talk about things. which is frustrating in itself.

now that's not the point of your message, so feel free to write that off as a digression. i strongly disagree with her making yet another version of the eras tour movie and hosting it on disney+. I'm personally boycotting disney+ and have been for a while. I don't even intend on watching the new version and like the vast majority of everything I gif, that shit is pirated -- that's how I watched the original release of the movie. obviously my consumption/boycotting is just one person compared to blondie, who has influence over millions, who could make real change if she spoke out against genocide.

at this point, im not supporting her financially either apart from listening to her music. which i love. im sorry, but I do. if I didn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation. i think her constant churning out different exclusive versions of the same albums are a transparent money grab and maybe an effort to set more records as far as sales or streams or however that all works. and I'm not just saying that bc I literally couldn't even afford to buy a digital copy of an album right now.

so yeah. I appreciate that you enjoy my content and thank you for saying so, but if you need to unfollow or block, i understand. I've definitely toned down/completely stopped sharing posts about her as a person bc I'd much rather focus on just the music. and maybe that makes me a bad person for continuing to listen to and enjoy her music. im not saying i necessarily feel good about it, but i think the fact of the matter is that a lot of the celebrities, actors, musicians, etc. we like or whose content we enjoy hold views we disagree with and have different values or priorities. nuance exists. right now, im someone who is vocal about the palestinian genocide and I try to share resources/posts about it when they come across my dash and im also someone who is a fan of Taylor's music.

Idk, I hope what I'm saying makes sense at least on some level. I've done my best to word things coherently, but brain fog fucks w me a lot. and like. it's probably whatever, but I do plan on changing my url after ttpd releases. That probably upsets you more and I can see how people might think im a hypocrite or something and yeah, I get it. Idk, I just want to enjoy someone's music without endorsing them as a person, but that's extra difficult when the person in question is the biggest singer in the industry. but you'll never see me making excuses for her on things like this or the m*tty situation or numerous other things she's said and done that gross me out. im not so far up her ass that I think she's perfect or that I feel the need to defend her at every turn. like I said, nuance. anyway, if you feel the need to respond, i welcome you to do so as long as we both remain respectful, which I think we've done. this is a difficult topic, but that doesn't mean we can't discuss it. I appreciate your point of view and I'm sorry that I've disappointed you!

#answered #anonymous #sorry for the novel 😬#i put a lot of thought into this and wanted to be thorough!

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wavesoutbeingtossed · 10 months ago

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The issue of power is so interesting (or something) to see because yes, from an economic perspective Taylor undoubtedly has more sway -- she's one of the most famous people on the planet, she's a billionaire, her every move is followed, etc. So I can almost sort of understand the concern, in another scenario, where some people may expect that she could crush her detractors (For instance, I'm thinking about how Harvey W. silenced his victims as a Hollywood mogul, or how corporate titans silence whistleblowers which I feel are analogies some people may turn to. Or maybe we've all just watched too much of the Roys on Succession.)

I said this in the tags of a post the other day I think, but I think some of the discourse is kind of conflating power with platform. And yes, Taylor undoubtedly has a bigger platform, again by virtue of her fame and position in the media/industry. But part of that is that she's visible in these areas, and her presumed subjects aren't, of their own choice. If any of these subjects ever chose to spoke out, or make art based on their experiences, or pursue opportunities in the media/public eye, they would absolutely be given a platform for it. (Going way back, think of how JM used the media to give his side of the story through his music and his interviews after their split. And I'd argue he was probably way more public/direct about it than she ever was.)

If any of these people decided they wanted their side of the story out there, it would be and it would absolutely be turned into a story. (And arguably that may already be starting but that's a whole other thing.) And this is just my opinion, but given that the subjects of these topics are often privileged white men, I'd argue that their sides tend to carry (more) weight regardless of their economic status in relation to her. If JM or JG or JA or HS wrote a book or a song or a script about their experiences, even only insinuating about her, it'd be the conversation. And not to be a cupcake about it, but the media seems to always want to find something to knock her down a peg about (which, sure, journalism's job is to hold people accountable, but that's not what always happens here and we know it), so they would absolutely give this the time of day, if they chose to put anything out there.

The thing is, I do see in a superficial way that there is there is a clear difference in their socioeconomic/celebrity status, and perhaps that's perceived as a power imbalance, but that's implying that she's dictating a whole host of entities out of her control, and I just don't think she holds the sway of those that some feel she does. Don't get me wrong, she's absurdly wealthy and has influence, but so do so many other people around her, including those who don't support her. (That's the wrong word for it, but I just mean, people who aren't in her circle/sympathetic to her.) And as I've posted about so so so many times before, THESE OTHER PEOPLE (men) ARE WEALTHY AND IN THE PUBLIC EYE TOO. They are all in careers that entail celebrity and involve their own influence in the media. These are not shrinking violets in private civil life who are like, grocery store checkout clerks. They're actors and musicians and media personalities who play the same game. And even the "poorest" of these subjects for the most part are millionaires who are far, far wealthier than any of us will ever be in our lifetimes. They may choose to stay off of social media or the press when it suits them, but they could absolutely make art or give interviews about their experiences and they would command their own kind of influence. (I'd also argue that they would be given a platform thanks to Taylor's platform, but that's another thing.)

I don't want to dismiss the influence of her wealth and stature in the entertainment industry, and I feel like that's kind of where the perceived "imbalance" comes from, but to be frank, I feel like if any of these other subjects spoke out, the media would be so quick to raise their stature in the press for the sake of clicks/controversy/what have you. Critics claim that Taylor can crush any story or person who goes against her, but I think given the breadth of stories out there about her at any given time (the NYT op ed, the jet stuff, the DM stuff, etc.) I don't think that's true; I think the publicity/clicks outlets get for covering stuff, even if salacious, outweighs any concerns over upsetting her or burning bridges. (Not saying that may have not happened, but... I think it would be more obvious if it were a regular occurrence these days.) If anything, 2016 through rep kinda proves that she doesn't have the "control" of the media that some claim she does.

But most importantly, THE ALBUM ISN'T OUT YET. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE LYRICS ARE. Taylor gets accused of writing diss tracks, but she rarely does, and I don't think she's written an outright callout song since her Fearless/Speak Now days when she was a teenager/very young adult. Just about everything since Red on has been about her own feelings, experiences, etc. and not a literal "you did x and y and z and you're stupid and i hate you" song. She's not calling people out by name, and truly only chronically online fans are going to deduce who songs are about; five years from now, people discovering the music will just know they're bops (or depressingly sad breakup songs, as the case may be).

I don't know where I'm going with this, i'm talking in circles, it's just interesting how things are being interpreted or assumed so far. I fully acknowledge I'm a cupcake so I'm generally not going to jump to the worst conclusion about Taylor, but there's also curious sociological/gender stuff happening in these conversations. I absolutely think that if the roles were reversed and her exes were billionaire household names and she was an indie artist, nobody would ever talk about power dynamics. I think it's all moot because like so many people have said, I don't think the album is going to be what some think it's going to be, and I think it's going to be way more introspective/vulnerable/dark than what they assume a breakup album is going to be, though obviously I don't know anymore than they do. It's just funny because you never hear about this with other people. (Like, was there a big fuss when Kelly Clarkson wrote a breakup album about her ex-husband? I know she's not as wealthy as Taylor and her ex was probably wealthier than Taylor's exes, but she's someone with sway in the industry and is on TV everyday, but everyone kind of said "lol her ex was a jackass wow she writes sad banger ballads" and moved on.)

Anyway I don't want to start shit or anything, but I'm just giving my two cents about my observations of the whole media landscape stuff.

#my personal bug bear is some faction painting J*e as a poor street urchin who was plucked from obscurity hunger games-style #yes his life undoubtedly changed from associating with her but HE'S AN ACTOR WHO'S BEEN IN OSCAR-NOMINATED FILMS #HIS FIRST MOVIE WAS WITH AN OSCAR-NOMINATED (winning?) DIRECTOR!!#I'm not shitting on him or anything in this case -- I'm saying he was pursuing a career in a very high profile industry himself!#it may not have panned out for him like he'd hoped or planned but as far as we know it's still what he's pursuing #he comes from a privileged background that i'd argue mirrors taylor's own pre-fame #and even now (thanks to royalties) will be financially secure for life #he's not the most famous man in the world but if he decided he wanted to speak out he would be for 15 minutes #and the media would absolutely eat it up and i'd even argue give his side more weight than his 'power' would indicate #i'm not saying he should or needs to but i'm just saying he's not powerless in this situation #also putting this in tags but it seems in private there was often a power imbalance in her relationships & not in her favour iykwim

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karikarasuno · 2 years ago

Text

sonder ch. ii

Pairing: Erwin Smith x Fem!Reader x Levi Ackerman

Rating: Mature

Warnings/Tags: Angst, Flashbacks/Memories, Lots of Cooking/Baking, Dinners w/ Eruri, More Worldbuiling (bear with me), Alcohol Consumption (wine tasting time)

Word Count: 9.6k

song(s) for the chapter: love me more by mitsuki, party tricks by ayanna

a/n: as i write this, I’m slowly learning that it’s just an ode to my love of accessible public transportation and walkable cities, pls enjoy:)

chapter i | chapter ii | chapter iii

It was Sunday. The weather dipped into something comfortable and beautiful. It was hard to appreciate though when you woke up alone on the right side of the bed. You were curled around a pillow and the one beneath your head was damp. For a moment, you thought it was drool and you wiped at the corner of your mouth with the back of your hand. Until the heel of your palm reached the darkened skin beneath your eye where you found a dried crust where you had been…crying. You were disoriented by the realization. Confused because you didn’t remember falling asleep with tears streaming down your face. Yet, they were there – dried and dampening your pillowcase.

You were up and dressed within an hour. Your hair was air drying in the early afternoon sun as you stepped outside. There was a pier not too far from where you lived. Just a twenty minute train ride away. You slid earbuds in as you walked down the sidewalk. The same route you and Erwin took every morning for work. It was second nature by this point, sidestepping the hole in the asphalt and then accounting for the dip in the unleveled pavement as the train stop came into view. When you opened Spotify the song waiting for you there startled you. It was one of Onyankopon’s songs. One that he wrote and produced the second year the two of you were together. He sold it to a record company for some up and coming musician neither of you had heard of. That was until this song managed to chart in the top tens, skyrocketing him into the limelight. Which in turn got Onyankopon the career he’d been dreaming of since he was a child.

The song began to play as you set foot on the train. Surprisingly, it was not as crowded as you would’ve expected on a weekend. But you supposed everyone was out at brunch. It was the season of mimosas after all.

The song was two minutes and forty three seconds long. Not very long at all. It lacked some of the depth his writing has matured into since then, but the perfect song of the summer. A love song. Sweet in its melody and tender in its lyrics. He told you it was written for you. Just a few weeks after the two of you had met.

Your stop was next, so you stood and hung on to the pole beside your seat. It seemed much busier on this side of the city. Couples, families, and groups of friends littered the streets. Traffic was much tamer but the amount of people had you knocking shoulders with the person next to you as soon as you stepped off.

The big ferris wheel was directly in your line of vision, clear from the obstruction of skyscrapers with the sparkle of the lake right behind it. Accenting its glory with a twinkle and a shimmer. It was at least a mile away and the music in your ears was beginning to fade into white noise. You focused on taking one step at a time, placing one foot in front of the other. It was getting harder to push thoughts of him to the background. Harder to lock the feelings you so desperately wanted to forget away and move on.

A block away from the wheel you ran into this tiny record shop. A record player displayed at the window caught your attention and those feelings you were trying to avoid slammed into your chest with a fresh memory of your first date. He’d taken you to a record shop much like the one before you. He asked you out the moment you met. It was your junior year of college and you stumbled your way into the music building late at night with a few friends. You’d been drinking, celebrating the end of finals week just before the winter break began. But you had wandered off, finding yourself in a studio in some far corner of the building– the giggles of your friends echoing off of the empty hallways. He was playing around with a chord progression on a keyboard. Going over it again and again while he muttered things you couldn’t understand under his breath.

“It’s pretty,” you said, your voice breathy and cheeks warm from the few shots you had taken. His shoulders lifted in surprise and he whipped around to look at you. He was handsome, more than enough to have the next words you were about to say die on your tongue. You swallowed around the sweet taste of lychee soju, remembering how it tasted like juice but getting you drunker quicker than anything before.

“You’re not supposed to be in here,” he smiled, eyes tracking from your eyes all the way down to your feet. It was a slow journey and if your mind and body weren’t so loosened by the alcohol, you would’ve squirmed under his attention.

“I know,” you responded, leaning against the doorframe. “But finals are over and we were just having a little fun. What’re you doing here so late?”

“Working.” He crossed his arms over his chest and you followed the movement. If he asked you to go home with him at that moment, you’d say yes. Without the slightest of regrets.

“On?” You asked, sauntering towards him, feigning coyness but you were afraid he could read your intentions all over your body.

“On something that you’ll hopefully hear on the radio one day. If it’s any good.”

“Why don’t you play it for me?” You smiled, toying with the pendant on your necklace between your thumb and forefinger. Your friends’ laughter was getting closer, their footsteps leading them down the hall towards you and this stranger.

“I’ll tell you what.” He leaned forward, an elbow on each knee as he looked up at you. “One date and I’ll think about it.”

You swapped numbers that night, your moment interrupted by your name bouncing around the building walls as your friends searched for you. The first date was right as the spring term started. You texted all throughout the break and the flutterings of a crush were strong in your bones by the time you saw him again. And when he picked you up on that cold January evening the last place you expected to be with him was a little, old record shop. You searched through the discount bin for albums that caught your eye, each picking one and listening to them at his place while draining a bottle of cheap wine and snacking on whatever frozen appetizers he had in his freezer.

You should’ve kept walking past the store. Should’ve lived through that memory in that instance and kept walking. Instead, the jingle of the bell overheard rang shiny through your eardrums. The smell of old paper and wood flooded your senses and the memory vibrated even fiercer through your mind.

“How much for the record player?” You pointed to the display as you asked the employee behind the cash register. He was organizing a stack of used vinyls, their slips weathered and faded through years of neglect.

“$250,” he called over his shoulder, not sparing you much of a glance. It didn’t really matter to you anyway because you knew as soon as you walked through that door that you would buy it. Along with an album or two from one of those bargain bins near the back shelves of the store.

You didn’t really see much of the pier after all. The ferris wheel shrunk in the distance behind you, your arms full from the wide shape of the box and a bag swinging from two fingers. Once you got home the hours ticked by slower than you wanted, you decided you needed something else. To keep your mind off things. There was noise coming from the other side of your living room wall, muffled and far away. Levi and Erwin. You still needed to thank them for yesterday. For all the help you needed, but felt like you didn’t deserve.

Cookies. Espresso chocolate chip. That’s how you would thank them. You dug through your pantry and fridge, pulling out ingredients and utensils. Bowls and a baking tray. The cooling rack you bought a few weeks ago too. One of the records was already playing from where you set it up on the end table beside your sofa. It was an old smooth jazz album from an artist you had never heard of. But it was nice, doing the perfect job of filling space as you added brown sugar, granulated sugar, and butter into a metal bowl. You decided against using the handheld mixer tucked away in one of your cupboards. There was energy pulsing in your veins that you needed to get out, so you grabbed a whisk instead, whipping the mixture until it became light and fluffy. A sweat coated your skin by the time you added the egg and vanilla, beating it all together and setting it aside to start on the dry ingredients in a separate bowl.

By the time the cookies popped into the oven, the sun was lower in the sky. It washed the living room in a natural golden glow, the image surreal as you stared off into your home. The one you’ve provided for yourself, by yourself. The boxes your furniture had come in were still strewn by your door. Trash day was tomorrow, the boxes to be left there for another day.

When the cookies were ready, you allowed them to cool for a few minutes. Antsy as your foot tapped the floor and the glass storage container sat on your countertop. They weren’t fully cooled when you put them in the container. Which wasn’t your smartest move, but you couldn’t wait anymore. Not when the album finished and your home was thrust into silence again. You were out the door and at their doorstep less than a minute later. A little winded from taking the steps two at a time and ringing their doorbell. You still had the apron on, flour dusting the front of it and wearing lavender crocs.

Erwin opened the door in the most casual outfit you’ve ever seen him in. A white t-shirt and grey sweatpants, a mug of what smelled like herbal tea in his hand.

“Nice outfit,” he smiled, lifting the mug in your direction in greeting.

“Back at ya,” you smiled with a steady breath. You extended the container his way and he just stared without taking it from you. “It’s a thank you gift. For yesterday.”

“Cookies?”

“Espresso chocolate chip,” you answered, shaking them in his direction to urge him to grab it from you. But he didn’t. He turned around, lifting a finger your way and saying, “hold on.”

He disappeared in his house, the door left open and you were nosy enough to let your eyes wander. To look at their living room with the worn brown leather couch and a round wooden coffee table. There was a coat rack propped against the wall right in front of you and a shoe rack right beside it. Their home looked lived in and warm, yet impeccably clean. You envied them and their cute house together with herbs growing in the kitchen windowsill and mismatched rags hanging from the oven door. It took Erwin longer than you expected for him to return and you were starting to wonder if he expected you to follow him inside. Until Levi came from around a corner. His hair was wet and dripped on the towel hooked around his shoulders and you felt bad for interrupting. Clearly because Erwin had no grievances disturbing Levi when he obviously just hopped out the shower.

“Hey,” he said in greeting, but it came out more like a question, confusion laced in his tone and morphing his expression.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to come at a bad time,” you found yourself saying, immediately trying to backtrack on whatever weird friendship thing Erwin was trying to do. “I just wanted to thank you for all your help yesterday, so I baked some cookies. They’re espresso chocolate chip. I hope you like them. You won’t be wired or anything if you eat them too late, I didn’t put enough instant espresso in it for that. And I probably should’ve made sure you even liked sweets. They’re not too sweet though, I used semi-sweet chips.”

You rambled. Your cheeks were warming up under his critical stare and word vomit spewed from your mouth and you were…nervous. A strange feeling to experience because you were only trying to give your neighbors cookies. But the loneliness that crept in after they left your home yesterday was starting to drive you mad. And you were overcompensating. Fighting a battle to keep the loneliness from winning but you began to fear like you were the one fucking this up instead.

Levi took the container from your grip, popping open the lid and smelling them. Your palms broke out in a nervous sweat. And you were starting to grow irritated with yourself and your inability to keep it together.

“They smell good,” he said, taking one out and biting into it. Since you were too impatient to allow them to fully cool, a string of melted chocolate fell over his lip. You watched his tongue lick it away and he chewed with purpose which only proved to spike your stress levels when you couldn’t decipher whether the look on his face was good or bad.

Unlike Erwin, who you could read like a book – not because you knew him so well but because he practically wore his heart on his sleeve– Levi was this impenetrable wall. He didn’t hum in approval. His eyes didn’t light up in satisfaction. Nor did he grimace in distaste. His features remained neutral. And with only a nod he finished the cookie, closed the container lid and strolled back into his house. You were left there bewildered. No questions or words or even the upturn of his lips in one of those faux smiles he gave you yesterday. You were stumped.

“Thanks for the cookies,” Erwin said when he joined you at the door again, looking rather pleased with himself. You were starting to think he found immeasurable amusement in watching his boyfriend interact with you. In some sick, twisted way. Like watching paper burn after you’ve thrown it in a fire pit.

“You think this is funny, don’t you?” You narrowed your eyes and crossed your arms, but you weren’t delusional enough to think you looked intimidating. Not in your current state of dress.

“What?” He said, smile innocent but eyes shining with something that proved otherwise. You flicked him off instead of replying because he wasn’t deserving of one. You stomped down the steps then, hearing his chuckle as you marched out of his gate and through yours. He watched your entire tantrum, and when you peeked over at him before you entered your home, he grinned.

“Good night,” he called out, only receiving a grumbled mimic of the words back at him from you.

You brought the remaining cookies to work the next day. Moblit inhaled five of them before lunch claiming that his blood sugar was low, so you had to sneak one over to Marco and Jean before he could get his hands on anymore.

“If you don’t like them, pretend you do,” you teased, handing one to each of them while leaning against the mobile wall of their cubicle. When Marco bit into his cookie, you watched as his eyes widened and he nodded, seeming like he enjoyed it. You smiled at him, always so fond of his earnest reactions to most things. Glad that he was your intern and not anyone else’s.

“Never pegged you for an actor, Marco.” He rolled his eyes dramatically, finishing the cookie off in his next bite.

“Never thought you were much of a baker, but these are surprisingly good.” You shrugged, feigning modesty. The playful dig didn’t go over your head either. Your eyes slid over to Jean, who often didn’t make eye contact with you. A gesture you found both endearing and slightly confusing because you’ve seen him work with Moblit. He was passionate and had a surplus of ideas that he rambled off to Moblit in one sitting. But he was shy around almost everyone else.

“Just keep up the good work and maybe I’ll bring you more treats.” You pushed off of the wall and walked back towards your office, passing Moblit’s on the way. He called out to you when you strolled past his open door, finding his grinning face behind two monitors mounted on the side of his desk.

“Yes?” You stuck your head in the door, knowing that whatever he was going to say next was only going to be trouble.

“Did you give a cookie to Nile?” His grin turned into something shit-eating and you felt the breath leave your lungs in a heavy, traitorous sigh.

“No… should I have?” You pouted, primarily because Nile wasn’t your favorite person to interact with. He was always so grumbly and strung out. The editor was never in the most enjoyable mood whenever you spoke to him about work, so offering him a cookie was not very high on your to do list for the day.

“He’s harmless,” Moblit responded after seeing the look of disdain written plainly across your features.

“He’s still a major grouch and every time I speak to him I’m sure it is going to result in his psychotic break. Does that man ever go on vacation? Or know what the word relax even means?”

Moblit chuckled, propping his chin in his hand. “He’s having a hard time with his wife. She’s been giving him some shit about not valuing family time enough.”

“How do you even know that?” Nile never talked to anyone about anything outside of their professional duties, so Moblit having this much information came as a shock to you. And he only offered a shrug in response, smiling because he enjoyed fucking with you and you were sure he was still hazing you as the newbie.

“Big city with small town gossip,” he said, turning back to his monitor and opening an email. You scoffed and left back towards your office a few doors down. He knew you would ask him again later, probably thinking of a way to leverage the gossip so that you would do a favor for him. It was your own fault, honestly. For being so goddamn nosy.

When you arrived home, an hour later than you usually do, Erwin was standing outside your gate with a glass dish in his hand. He was scrolling on his phone as you came up beside him, peeking around his bicep and startling him.

“Don’t sneak up on me,” he said as you stepped around him and unlatched your gate.

“I wouldn’t have snuck up on you if you had been paying attention,” you nudged him lightly out of your way, leaving the gate open behind you since he always followed you inside.

“Be nice or I won’t give you this chicken parm Levi made.”

You scrunched your eyebrows together when you unlocked your door. Just one surprise after another today. You set your purse on your couch as you walked further into your home, facing him with your hands on your hips as he strolled inside and placed the food on your island.

“Is this because of the cookies?” You were curious, especially since you didn’t think Levi was the cook of the relationship. But you saw how hopeless Erwin was with even a coffeemaker after he tried to use your espresso machine one morning. Now you knew, if it wasn’t for Levi then Erwin would be surviving off of takeout and frozen dinners.

“He doesn’t like owing people,” Erwin said, sitting at one of the stools you purchased a few weeks ago.

“Those were supposed to be a thanks, not something that he needed to owe,” you said confused, kicking off your shoes and tossing them towards the shoe rack. “But I didn’t have any plans for dinner so tell him I appreciate it.”

You lifted the lid from the container, Italian herb seasoning hitting your nostrils first. You weren’t in much of a mood to cook for yourself recently, mainly surviving off of leftovers from lunch or Chinese food. So, this smelled heavenly, your stomach grumbled in response and you would be embarrassed by Erwin’s snicker if you weren’t starving all of a sudden. Instead of plating it, you just grabbed a fork from the drawer, forgetting a knife but using your fingers to tear off a chunk of the crispy meat. You forgot your table manners and shoved it in your mouth, tomato sauce staining your fingertips in the process.

“You eat like such a lady,” Erwin said, making a scene of sitting up straight and linking his fingers on the countertop. You had the decency to finish chewing first before offering a response. “Fuck off, Smith.” He smirked, but you were too busy twirling the spaghetti on the fork to give him any more attention.

“And I don’t trust you to actually tell Levi I said thank you, so give me his number,” you said after you swallowed. “I’ll just text him.”

It was a decent enough cover up for your true intentions. While you wanted to thank him for the food, you also quite liked Levi and felt like you had something to prove. The irritating people pleaser in you not doing well with the idea that Levi might not like you that much. Even though you had nothing to prove that irrational notion. Either way, you held out your phone to Erwin, already unlocked to the screen for him to put Levi’s number in.

“I don’t know if I like that idea,” he said, slowly inputting the digits. “You’ll team up against me.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” you said around another forkful of food, nearly salivating at the sauce and wondering if Levi made it from scratch. It tasted nothing like anything you’ve ever had from a jar.

“I’ll be however I wanna be,” he poked his tongue out at you, saving Levi’s number and sliding your phone back in your direction. He didn’t stay for much longer after that, his seat on your stool vacant and you were starting to despise being alone with yourself. Even with the dinner still warm in its container and Levi’s contact staring up at you from your phone screen, you still noticed all of the missing weight. Moreso, now than ever. You hated eating alone. Dread circled around in your stomach which soured the food, so you closed it up and put it away. There was still time to eat it anyway, and you would end up shoveling it down before bed half-starved because you could never go to bed hungry.

You texted Levi before bed. Erasing around five messages before you finally decided on something.

The dinner was really good. But now I owe you a meal.

Funnily enough, the next day you spent half of your shift scrolling through recipes on your desktop, flitting between steak or chicken or fish. And then you started over and looked through vegetable dishes. You were overthinking it. But you also didn’t want to make them something they wouldn’t like. Something Levi wouldn’t like.

The grocery store was packed. Way too many people for a random Tuesday evening. Sure there must’ve been a dinner rush, but the lines were atrocious and you only had a handful of ingredients. You decided on a stir fry. Chicken again because it was safe. Something you knew they would like given what he prepared for dinner last night. When you finally got home half an hour later, you cooked in a flurry. You threw on your apron, your work clothes still beneath it as you chopped up peppers and broccoli florets.

The recipe was simple. And you finished it so quickly, you were disappointed at the loss of the distraction. Content with what you made, and you were swiftly finding catharsis in the ritual of cooking. The same vinyl as before drifted through your home while you plated their meal. It was delicious. A simmer of cockiness heated your cheeks because you were proud of yourself. And if neither of them liked it, fuck them.

But you actually really hoped they fucking liked it. If not, you would probably hide away from them forever. Out of mostly shame.

It was too late to doubt yourself now, though. With your apron still on, you walked through your door with two containers, one with the stir fry and the other with jasmine rice. Your hands were a little shaky and you were slightly annoyed by it. There should be no expectations here. It’s just friendly meals shared between neighbors. You spend almost every morning with Erwin. How could this be any different?

You were at their doorstep in seconds, shuffling your feet before you raised your hand to knock on their door. But as your knuckles were about to touch it, there was a voice behind you that caused you to flinch so violently you almost dropped the food.

Levi was standing behind you, fingers taking out the bud in his ear as his hair stuck to his forehead and sweat dripped down his neck. He must have just gotten back from a run. His breath rose his chest heavily and there was a ghost of a smile on his face, presumably at your reaction to his presence. He didn’t say anything after saying your name, just waited for you to respond. Which never failed to twist your nerves in a weird way.

“I said I owed you a meal,” you started, holding up the containers to emphasize your point. He looked between you, the food, and his door, staring up at you from the last step. You knew he was thinking about his words. He seemed like the type to choose his words carefully, especially since he had so few of them.

“Are you going to eat with us?” He asked, the question thoroughly throwing you off. The very last thing you expected for him to say.

“Uh, I didn’t pack enough for three,” you carefully responded, not even sure if you wanted to say yes or no. The idea of sitting down with the both of them, eating and chatting and not being alone. It was an overwhelming thought. It was one that you weren’t sure if you found comfort in. It felt intimate in a way that you couldn’t quite describe.

“I’m sure we can make do,” Levi said, climbing the rest of the steps until he was directly beside you, hand on his door hand with his keys jingling in his other hand. “I still have to shower before we eat anyway.”

“I’ll go grab the rest of the food then,” you handed over the food as he stepped inside, “and I’ll be right over?”

“Yes.” He answered your question even though you hadn’t meant to ask it. Always fumbling in some way in front of him. And you blamed it on his intimidating aura. The fact that he carried this air of weeding out the bullshit from anyone. And unfortunately, you didn’t want your baggage to come off as bullshit. Even if it felt that way sometimes.

When you retrieved the rest of the food, you decided to change into something comfortable and maybe dressing down wouldn’t place too much weight on you to impress them. You debated outside of their house whether you should ring the doorbell or just let yourself in. But when you heard shuffling from the other side of the door you just decided to open it. They knew you were coming back. It was unlocked for a reason. But you still announced you were inside loudly and clearly. As to not walk in on something unexpected.

“Well look who it is,” you heard Erwin say from the direction of the kitchen. He was pulling out dishes from the cabinets and laying them out on their dining table. There were cute little placemats and coasters organized on it, all black in color. “Happy to see you’ll be joining us this evening.”

“Thanks for having me,” you said with fake politeness, sending him a dumb smile as you placed additional food on the stovetop with the other containers. You found the serving utensils in a holder beside the oven, grabbing a large metal spoon and one with a forked end and walking it over to where Erwin was placing the silverware on some napkins.

“What would you like to drink? We have water, wine, and three bottles of Corona,” he listed off, opening the fridge when he was done to make sure he detailed all of the options accurately. “Actually, we have four bottles of Corona and a lime.”

He smiled as he announced it, proud of himself for whatever weird reason. “What an interesting assortment,” you laughed and sat at the plate setting that had you facing the hallway to the bedrooms and the kitchen. “What kind of wine do you have in there?”

He lifted the bottle and read over the label, using his thumb to wipe away some of the condensation that started to build there. “Pinot grigio.”

“I’ll have a glass of that, please.”

“You got it,” he said, finding the wine opener and pulling out the cork with a muffled pop. He fished out two wine glasses from the cabinet and set them down by your plate setting and another before going back to the fridge to get a Corona and the lime he was so pleased to find a few minutes earlier. While he cut out a little slice, Levi came walking down the hall, hair slightly damp from his fresh shower, but smelling like something spiced and warm.

You brought your knees to your chest, curling your arms around your shins as you observed them walking around each other. He grabbed the wine bottle from beside Erwin’s arm and walked it over to the dining table. He gestured for your glass, tilting it towards him as he poured out the white wine until it was a quarter of the way filled.

“That’s good, thank you.” You grabbed the stem from his fingers, and tried some. It was good, light and crispy – not too dry. When Levi came back, he brought over the food that was on the stove, opening the lids and you were surprised by how hot everything still was. By the time Erwin was seated across from you, Levi had already served his own plate and waited for everyone to get started on theirs.

“You’re not gonna serve me?” Erwin asked, hands splaying open in the air in mock shock.

“What do I look like?” Levi scoffed, rolling his eyes and picking up his fork to stab some broccoli onto it. You chuckled, reaching for the spoon to serve yourself some rice and Erwin did the same with the stir fry.

Much of the dinner followed in a similar fashion. Erwin instigating Levi, while you giggled around your glass as it seemed to fill back up every time it was drained. Hours blended together as your dinner was long cleaned off of all of your plates. Levi’s face flushed into a beautiful shade of red as he finished the last drops of his third glass. Between the two of you, the bottle had been polished. Erwin was nursing the last beer in the fridge with the lime between his teeth as he stifled a laugh when you said, “Levi, you look so much friendlier when you’re blushing like this.”

“I’m not blushing,” he said with his signature scowl, but without his usual bite since the three of you were well and lovely loose from the alcohol. And when you devolved into a fit of laughter when he blushed deeper, the lime that was just in Erwin’s mouth was abruptly thrown at your head. It bounced off of your eyebrow and thudded to the floor as you gasped and swatted at it a moment too late.

“Ew,” you said, breathlessly, the laughter in your voice still apparent as you glared at him. And you were surprised to find that instead of a ghost of a smile, there was a real one. It was small, but there either way. And it felt personal. Like you were finally finding your footing in this new place. Surrounded by people you could start to call your friends. Suddenly, you wanted to cry. But you shook your head to avoid it and bent over to grab the pulpy lime slice from the ground. “That was very gross of you,” you added, and rolled it in a rumpled napkin.

Levi shrugged, “I don’t blush.”

It was almost eleven by the time you stumbled into your home. You were warm from the alcohol and sleepy from all the food. You decided you would just shower in the morning, trudging into your bedroom and falling into bed without any thought or preparation for tomorrow. Sleep found you quickly, and the alarm the next morning startled you from the deepest slumber you’ve had in weeks.

Despite the small headache throbbing at your temple, you had uncharacteristic energy. Your mood was elevated and you felt like today would be your best day in a while. It was also the first time that you woke up and the first thing on your mind wasn’t Onyankopon. You often looked for him in your sleep, searching his side of the bed for his warm, solid body. And when you could never find it, the ache in your heart deepened and you always awoke thinking of him.

But today was different. You met Erwin outside of your gate like every other morning, with him leaning against it like he had been there waiting for you for ages.

“The Brewhouse for breakfast?” He asked, but he already knew your answer. It was like tradition at this point. A morning ritual the two of you shared that you had no intention of giving up. You tended to be a creature of habit, and this was one you felt like you’d never stop indulging in.

“Why is there more pep in your step today?” Moblit said as you walked past his office to get to yours. He was standing by his little sofa searching through his briefcase for something, his sleeves already rolled up his forearms.

“Firstly, who the hell says that anymore? Secondly, why are you here so early? And thirdly, there’s no more pep in my step today than there was yesterday.”

“Firstly,” he started, ticking down the questions with his fingers, “I do. Secondly, I have that big meeting today with The Boss and I need to finish prepping for it. Jean is sitting in with me and I had to allocate time to talk him down any nervous ledges he finds himself on. And thirdly, there is definitely more pep in your step, and I will figure out why.”

“That’s way less important than you meeting with freaking Zachary. How am I just finding out about this?”

“You’ve been busy trying to recruit that author. The girl writing the mystery novel?”

“Annie,” you supplied, nodding for him to continue.

“Yeah so, we haven’t had a whole lot of catch up time. And it was a last minute thing, anyway. Zachary just figured out what Booktok was and is trying to incorporate that into our marketing. Jean has some really great ideas, but he’s been a wreck since I said he could be the one to present them,” he sighed with a laugh.

You felt for Moblit. Zachary had a tendency to be old fashioned— laidback but slow on the uptake of new and emerging trends. There was one staff meeting where you had to walk him and Pixis through e-readers and how those took a special publishing license for 45 minutes. And you hadn’t even touched the topic of Kindle Unlimited, for your own sake and everyone sitting through that zoom call.

“Well, explaining TikTok to him is going to be so fun. But as far as Jean goes, I wouldn’t worry about it. He psychs himself out and then it’s like this weird switch in his brain goes off when he’s talking about something important to him. I swear it’s like a different person.”

“You noticed that too?” Moblit smiled, arms crossing over his chest.

“Yes, it’s like one minute he won’t make eye contact with me and then the next he’s talking to me about why the Percy Jackson movie adaptations failed so miserably,” you said, remembering the moment he overheard you make some off handed comment to Marco about the spinoff series and you spent an hour at their cubicle discussing books versus movies.

“Anyway, good luck today and let me know how it goes,” you pointed at him sternly, so he understood you were being serious about it. “We can do a late lunch together to talk about it.”

“Fine, but only because you still gotta tell me what’s got you looking like you sprinkled coke in your coffee.”

“Literally what the fuck is wrong with you, Moblit?” You whisper yelled at him, which only made him laugh in response. He shrugged noncommittally, waving you off as he continued searching through his work bag for whatever he was looking for.

The meeting went well. Jean left the office happier than you had ever seen him and when he made eye contact with you as he entered his cubicle where you were discussing with Marco what you should do about Annie, he actually smiled at you. Bright and charming. His ears were a touch pink but he appeared as though he just had the best day of his life.

“I’m gathering he liked your ideas,” Marco said with genuine enthusiasm in his voice. His smile began to mirror Jean’s as he sat up straighter in his chair when Jean approached.

“He loved them,” he said with a wistful exhale. “I mean after we explained how the app worked and then I had him scroll through my fyp, which was honestly not the best idea given how niche the algorithm can be. But after that small hiccup, he gave me and Moblit the green light to move forward and honestly I can’t believe I got through it without throwing up.”

Marco reached out then and grabbed Jean’s forearm, it seemed subconscious. The gesture sweetened when he said, “so glad you didn’t throw up because that would’ve been embarrassing. But I’m happy for you. I told you you had nothing to worry about. You’re amazing.”

Jean blushed. His demeanor quickly became bashful and definitely not in the way it usually does whenever you attempt small talk with him. “Really?” He asked, smiling so hard his cheeks probably began to hurt.

“Yes,” Marco responded with finality. And you started to feel like you were intruding on something with how their eyes remained locked onto each other’s.

“I’m happy for you, Jean,” you interrupted their moment, feeling only a little bad when Jean flinched at the sound of your voice. He had totally forgotten you were there. Which only added questions to your list to ask Marco later.

“Th-thanks,” he rubbed the back of his neck and grinned.

“Of course.” You excused yourself from the boys, leaving behind hushed voices that spoke over each other. The brief thought of telling Moblit what you witnessed over lunch flitted through your mind until you decided you wanted to keep this to yourself. After all, Moblit could be such a gossip.

Pesto. Made from scratch.

Enchiladas.

Chicken Adobo.

Parmesan crusted salmon stuffed with crab.

And an ill attempt at carbonara (Erwin scrambled the egg). To his defense, he was not a cook and it was two o’clock in the morning.

With them time seemed to have no meaning. Hours were pointless. Minutes were nonexistent. And time never felt more like a construct than it did whenever you were spending an evening in their home. Or them in yours.

As it progressed, dinners started to come with a set of rules. Rule one, always eat together. This was unspoken, but a general truth that was accepted after that first dinner in their house. Rule two, dinner must always contain one carb. Or else, Erwin would complain that he wasn’t full enough. And rule three, Levi always does the dishes. He didn’t trust anyone else to do them properly and it wasn’t like you’d complain. You usually threw them in the dishwasher, but Levi insisted they needed to be scrubbed down first.

“So,” you started, kneading some dough on your floured countertop. Today you were attempting to make bread from scratch. Focaccia was every other video you saw recently and so you woke up with the final decision that today was finally the day. “What made you decide to go into physical therapy?”

“We haven’t talked about this already?”

“Nope.” You rolled out your wrists when your joints began to ache. They popped from the motion and you cringed a bit at the sound. “I was thinking about it this morning after Erwin and I talked about how he's teaching Urban history in the fall. Which he’s really psyched about, but then it turned into this lengthy discussion. You know how it gets,” you waved off the rest of your sentence when you noticed you were getting off topic.

“Anyway, it made me think of you and how…” You considered your next words carefully, not wanting to accidentally offend him or come off judgmental. He wasn’t one to usually take things the wrong way, but you still didn’t want to come across rude.

“And how what?” He was sitting across from you on the barstool at the island. He was working out something on his laptop, a legal pad beside him as he scribbled down numbers in a neat line. He was focused on the screen in front of him, and it often amazed you how effortless he made multi-tasking look. And now that you really thought about it, it was rare to see him do less than two things at once.

“Well, if I were to guess what career you had I probably wouldn’t have chosen something so people-y?”

“People-y?”

“Yeah. I would’ve assumed you’d do something with less human interaction. Especially not something that included so much touching,” you explained, going back to wrestling with the dough on the counter and adding a touch more flour so it stopped sticking to your palms.

“I originally got my Bachelor’s in accounting,” he said, like it would make so much more sense for him. It kind of did. If you were to type cast him, that would be it. “It paid well and I’ve always been good with numbers. So after I graduated, I got a steady job at this company and on the side I helped my mom start up her yoga studio and was persuaded into co-owning the bar with Hange.”

“I didn’t know your mom owned a yoga studio,” you said, partially surprised. Levi didn’t talk about his family much. You knew from Erwin that Levi was an only child and grew up with just his mom. With the occasional visit from his uncle sporadically through his childhood. But you didn’t have many details regarding it, so you always felt a little special when Levi brought it up. Like he was comfortable enough to open up to you.

“Yeah, it’s up by the boardwalk where the big ferris wheel is off the lake. She’s had it for about seven years now, actually.” You could tell he was calculating the years in his head, the number seeming to surprise him. “Regardless, I worked at the company for like two years and then Erwin got into his motorcycle accident.”

The memory made him cringe.

“What?” You stopped kneading and wiped your hands on your apron before resting them on the counter. Your attention was undivided now.

“I’m not surprised he didn’t tell you. He hates talking about it.” Levi put his pen down and leaned forward to place his elbows on the counter. The two of you leaning towards each other as the conversation took a serious undertone.

“He used to have this motorcycle that he rode everywhere. Infatuated, really. But one night he was speeding home, took a sharp turn and he didn’t see the SUV coming until it was too late.”

“Oh my god,” you frowned, not able to imagine the scene without nausea rolling in your stomach.

“He ended up breaking his arm and dislocating his shoulder. It fucked him up for months because he couldn’t wrap his head around what happened,” Levi continued, grabbing the pen again to click and unclick it. “Anyway, I fell into this hole trying to figure out ways to help him regain his mobility after it healed. I found all these stretches and exercises and I decided to go back to school for it. He calls himself my test dummy because every time I came back from class I’d try out something new. But they were working.”

“Shit, Levi,” you breathed, your chest tight with emotion. “What a way to stumble into a fucking career.”

“Right,” he released an amused chuckle through his nose. “The injury still fucks with him because he doesn’t stretch it every day like he’s supposed to.”

“And I’m sure you don’t let him forget it.”

“Why would I?” He teased, the tension breaking and you chuckled before going back to fighting with the dough. “As far as peopling goes, I like it because I can choose my own schedule for the most part. And I mostly work with old people. The occasional teenager now and again.”

“I love that,” you smiled at him.

“What?” He went back to whatever number crunching he was doing before.

“That you love what you do. That it makes you happy.” He responded with a look of disgust at your sentimentality, which you could now translate as his way of saying thank you.

Your phone pinged with a notification at the same time as his computer did. When you looked over you saw that it was a text from Erwin to the group chat. The one you usually used to swap recipes or share a random picture of something you thought was funny or interesting.

My dad is hosting a work event at this winery upstate next weekend. You in?

Suffice to say, the answer was yes when you found yourself in the backseat of their Nissan Rogue fiddling with the bluetooth to connect it to your phone.

“Do you usually drive around in silence?” You scrolled through your playlists trying to find the one that best fit the mood. Or at least something neither of them would complain about.

“Yes,” was said at the same time as Erwin said “no.”

“I usually have a podcast playing or the radio,” Erwin said with a shrug.

“Not to be that person, but we’re going to change that.” You decided on something, hitting play and reclining into the middle seat. “I’ll make you both a playlist some time this week because you need more variety than your usual podcast and today’s top hits.”

The winery was nothing less than elegant and grand. It appeared to be a repurposed mansion that had to have been at least a century old. The greenery surrounding the building was lush and thriving, just acres of neat rows of small trees and well maintained shrubs. You were glad to have chosen the chiffon dress that stopped mid-thigh because it was light enough to not feel like the fabric was sticking to your skin in the heat. You were also happy to have gone with the wedges instead of the heels because the soil beneath the grass still seemed to be damp from a recent storm, so you weren’t sinking uncomfortably into the ground.

The sounds of your footsteps echoed around the large foyer. A wide staircase wound upwards to a second floor, but before any of you could question where you were going you were directed towards the back by one of the employees. Stepping out into the sun again had your eyes adjusting briefly to the brightness, but once they focused the expanse of the property was breathtaking. The front, in all its beauty, had absolutely nothing on the rest of it. You had the urge to sneak into the vines and wander there for hours. Lost in the maze until the sun set and you were forced to find your way back.

“Erwin!” You followed the voice with your head to find a man that resembled Erwin so closely there was no mistaking their relation. Erwin was a few inches taller though, and where his father’s hair was unmistakably greying, Erwin’s was still startlingly blonde. You reached out to hold on to Levi’s elbow as you made your way down the stone steps. Erwin had already bound down them eagerly, using his wide strides to make his way across the landscape like the distance was nothing but a few feet. They hugged tightly, and the scene made you smile fondly, especially when his father left a few heavy pats on Erwin’s shoulder.

Levi wasn’t much of a hugger, so when the pair parted he just held out a hand. When Erwin’s father grinned and enclosed Levi’s smaller hand between the two of his.

“I want you to meet someone,” Erwin interjected their greeting, coming around to press his hand between your shoulder blades and pushing you forward. He said your name enthusiastically, his dad smiling down at you and it shone in his eyes. His crow’s feet wrinkled at the corner of them and you registered how handsome he was. The image of an aging Erwin flashed through your mind and you knew that time would treat him kindly.

“Hi, Mr. Smith,” you held out your hand in greeting, mimicking Levi from earlier. “It’s a pleasure.”

But instead of extending his hand towards you, he opened his arms. And before you could think of refusing, you stepped into them and he gave you a brief squeeze before releasing you again.

“Erwin’s told me a lot about you. But I want to hear it all from the source. Why don’t we start the tour?”

He placed a small flute in between your fingertips, handing one off to Levi and Erwin as well as you huddled around the tour guide who began describing the components of the wine as you sipped them.

Erwin’s father was just as inquisitive as Erwin, asking all the right questions without seeming intrusive or prying. And as the glasses kept changing from white to red to white again, your lips loosened and you spoke as if you were old friends instead of recently introduced acquaintances.

“Do you have a special someone in your life?” For some reason the question caught you off guard and you choked a bit around the sip you just took. Your cheeks were incredibly warm and you were glad to have been in the coldest part of the building– the basement– where they kept the frozen grapes for their sweetest wine.

“Uh no,” you said after you swallowed, your thumb immediately rubbing at your ring finger and swallowing again when you found it to be bare. Like you knew it would be. “Recently single, actually.”

“Oh,” he said, sounding genuinely displeased. “What happened?”

“It’s complicated.” You finished the last of your drink, the sweetness was welcome after all the dry wines, but if you weren’t already feeling it, the flavor would’ve been too much. Enough to make your lips pucker. Luckily, you were saved from further explanation when someone called him in another direction and you released a breath of relief when you found yourself alone for a moment to bury down memories you did not want to sour your mood.

“He’s always enjoyed a good interrogation,” Levi said as he slipped into the empty space beside you. You were surprised to also find him alone until you saw Erwin across the room talking to an older couple who looked rather wealthy.

“He seems well-intentioned, though.” You put your glass down on the counter as the two of you lingered behind the crowd that was being led out of the basement and into the main area.

“He is,” Levi sighed, “he’s just so…”

“Chatty,” you finished for him, smiling when he nodded slowly in agreement. “And you’re not the biggest fan of chatty.”

“You could say that,” he chuckled, pausing in the open area as the crowd came to a halt inside of what looked like a gift shop. “Sometimes things like this are a lot, especially when Erwin is pulled into a hundred different directions.”

“Do you ever just leave for a little? To recharge or something? It doesn’t seem like he would notice if you just snuck off.” You picked up a bottle on display, reading the label and trying to remember which one in the long line of wines you tried this one was. When you couldn’t remember, all of them seemed to taste the same after glass four or five, you put it back.

“He’ll notice,” he muttered, following your movements as you kept lifting up bottles and reading them before inevitably placing them back in their spots. “One time, before we started dating officially, we were at this stupid frat party that Hange dragged me to and at some point it just got too loud and rowdy and the worst fucking place in the world. And I was with Erwin for a while until he got pulled into a game of beer pong, which he sucks at.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Erwin was an athletic guy, so you couldn’t imagine him being bad at something that only required hand eye coordination and some aim.

“He throws the balls too hard, and misses almost every time.”

“Okay, that I can see,” you conceded, stopping by the store’s exit and waiting for Erwin to finish charming his way around the room.

“So, I ended up sneaking off to the back porch where the lights were out so no one ever went back there after watching him lose for the second time.” You laughed, allowing him to continue. “I didn’t realize I was gone for as long as I was and when Erwin eventually found me he was shitfaced and pissed. I’d never seen him that mad before and I thought it was because he was just drunk off his ass until he admitted how worried he was. That’s when he confessed his feelings and yeah.”

“And then you fell in love,” you teased in a sing-songy voice, nudging him playfully with your shoulder and winking at him.

“Yeah and then we fell in love,” he rolled his eyes, ears still pink from all the wine. It was endearing.

You were handed another glass by Erwin’s dad before you left. Not able to say no when he handed it to you so insistently to try. It was good, but you were unsteady on your feet and your tastebuds were not up for the task of discussing the nutty notes in it after having had so many already. The sleepiness was beginning to hit you and you were ready to be curled up in the backseat. The ninety minute car ride was the perfect amount of time to sleep some of the alcohol off.

Blessedly, Erwin was doing his rounds of goodbye and Levi managed to wrangle the keys from him so you two could sit in the car and wait for him. It was also nice to be off your feet after walking in heels for so long and you were happy to find a cardigan to cuddle into as you stretched your legs out on the seat and propped yourself up on the door.

“That was fun,” Erwin said as he slid into the driver’s seat, absolutely beaming. “But now I’m ready for bed.”

“Get us home first, big guy,” you replied.

“Yeah yeah, can’t have me falling asleep at the wheel,” he joked, but it only resulted in Levi slapping his arm and going “that’s not funny.”

You giggled at them, happy to have found people like them to spend so much time with. Glad that for once something seemed to be working in your favor. Erwin pulled up to your residences quicker than you expected since you dozed off at some point. Erwin poked your cheek to wake you and you had to swat him off as you untangled yourself from the cardigan to undo your seatbelt. You waved them both good night at your door across their little garden. The sun was barely peeking above the horizon when you stumbled inside and you braced yourself against the wall as you took a few deep breaths to prepare yourself to change. When you leaned down to fuss with the strap, your fingers struggled with the little buckle and as you huffed in frustration there was a knock at your door.

“What did I leave now–” You were expecting to see Erwin or Levi. Or even both of them, which was the least likely of the options. But if that was unlikely, this was purely impossible. Nonsensical. He was the very last person you would have ever expected to see at your door. You blinked harshly twice. As if he would disappear if you did.

“Hi,” Onyankopon said.

#eruri x reader #eruri fanfic #snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction

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