#a LOT of them would be found to be lacking

[blitzwhore]

Stolas just standing there and letting blitz hug him in the end is all good, right? He is just sad because of octavia and accepting that blitz is there with him right?? It's not that he regrets chosing him, right??? (I just need affirmation)

You know what? I've found myself needing reassurance about this too. So let's take a moment to look at the facts together, shall we?

(This reply turned out way longer than I expected it to 😅 sorry!)

Fact #1 - Stolas is still coming to terms with the consequences of his actions. He spends the whole episode finding out just how much his life has changed. Learning how to navigate groceries, and laundry, and meals, and having a job, and worrying about money.

Mid-episode, he has a breakdown where he truly questions if everything he gave up was worth it just for a fantasy. At this point in the episode, he still hasn't realised how much he means to Blitz. As far as he's concerned, he did all of this for someone who doesn't reciprocate his feelings. But by the end of the episode, though, his feelings have settled enough to understand and express what he has known to be true all along: that saving Blitz was the right thing to do.

What Stolas regrets isn't saving Blitz's life, or even loving Blitz in the first place.

What he regrets are the choices he made that led them to this. He feels guilty for selfishly (or, rather, naively) playing out his fantasies. He's the one who established the deal, who let Blitz illegally use the book for many months, who wasn't always sensible about how he expressed his love for Blitz publicly and despite being married, and who allowed himself to ignore the reality of his situation so he could live in his own, personal romcom—all of which ultimately led to the events of Mastermind and the loss of Via.

And all the guilt and regret he's grappling with (however justified it might be) is exacerbated by fact #2, which is:

Fact #2 - Stolas is off his medication. He's been off it for a month now. Symptoms of depression (especially untreated depression) include mood swings, irritability, self-hatred and low self-esteem, passive/active suicidal ideation, pessimism and hopelessness about the future, catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure and to find joy in things—and people—who used to bring you it). All symptoms Stolas exhibits throughout this episode.

So, even if he shows a lack of emotion toward Blitz at times, or irritation to seemingly minor things like low doors or "secretating" or Karen's behaviour, even if he acts regretful and angry and desolate... a lot of these emotions and behaviours are a result of his depression, and not of actually hating the life he chose.

Fact #3 - Stolas loves Blitz. He always has, and always will. I could point at a thousand different moments in the show when Stolas' love for Blitz has transpired, but I'm going to leave it at his line from Mastermind: "I would rather be dead than live life without you by my side."

Even after everything they've gone through, even now that he's taken Blitz off his pedestal and can acknowledge that Blitz can be a fucking idiot... Stolas simply does not want to live a life without Blitz. It has always been Blitz. It will always be Blitz.

Stolas loves Blitz.

Fact #4 - Stolas kissed Blitz. Before he truly hits rock bottom as a result of Octavia cutting him out, Stolas is so ecstatic that Blitz cares, that Blitz was willing to go to such lengths to save his life, that he can't hold back the need to kiss Blitz mid-air. Suddenly, none of his earlier frustration matters. Nothing matters expect for how elated he is that Blitz loves him back. So he smiles and he pulls Blitz into a kiss because he can't bear not to kiss Blitz for a moment longer.

Look at this man. Look at how happy he is. Because it's always been Blitz, and maybe it was a fantasy for a long time, but it doesn't have to be anymore. Maybe this can be real now. He's so happy he (and I) could cry.

Fact #5 - Stolas didn't deny loving Blitz. When Via said "You don't love me, you love him," the script very purposefully did not have Stolas go "no, no, Via, that's not true—" or say anything else that might make Blitz doubt, even for a moment, that Stolas loves him. Because that much is true. He does love Blitz. He just also loves Via. Which brings me to:

Fact #6 - Blitz knows Stolas loves him. At no point throughout the episode does Blitz doubt, even for a second, that Stolas loves him. And we know this because Blitz's walls remain down at all times. If Blitz doubted he was loved, if he had even the slightest of reservations, those walls would come crawling back up whether he wanted them to or not. It's what he's been trained and conditioned to do—it's how he's kept his heart safe ever since the accident.

But now, he knows his heart is safe with Stolas. He believes it enough to not depend on his walls to feel at ease. He believes it enough to let himself take care of Stolas and be soft with Stolas without the slightest trace of hesitation.

Look at Blitz's face. This is the face of a man who knows that even if Stolas isn't okay right now, things will get better. And when they do, they'll both still be in love with each other. This is the face of a man who can't wait for something beautiful to flourish between them, but who is in no rush to get there. He knows the road ahead is hard and painful, but he has faith in Stolas. In both of them.

Fact #6 - Stolas was happy to share a private, romantic dance with Blitz. Despite everything going through his mind, he found comfort and happiness in dancing with Blitz; in getting to have this little moment with him.

He found relief in the fact that Blitz stayed with him this time, even after Stolas told him, once again, that he didn't have to stay.

His reaction to Blitz initiating a dance between them is genuine surprise, immediately followed by an enamoured little smile at the mere notion that he gets to have this, now.

And, as they dance, he keeps smiling and leaning into Blitz, going as far as to manage a deep, heartfelt laugh at Blitz's words. This, for an unmedicated, depressed person going through one of the worst days of his life, is huge in itself. It shows that, even in the worst of times, he finds undeniable comfort and happiness in Blitz.

And, after their dance, Stolas looks at Blitz with a sobriety and soft sort of realisation that shows he's finally coming to terms with the fact that this is real. After everything he's lost, after all the fantasies he hoped for for so long and believed he'd never have, he finally gets to have this.

Despite the pain he's going through, Stolas looks at Blitz and sees the man he loves.

Notice how Blitz's eyes trail down to Stolas' mouth. And Stolas realises. And doesn't move away. Waiting, expectantly, for Blitz's next move, fully expecting it to be a kiss.

But then Blitz hugs him instead, and Stolas doesn't hug back.

And it's not because he doesn't want to be hugged by Blitz. It's not because his feelings for Blitz have changed, or dimmed, or disappeared. It's not because he regrets loving Blitz, or saving him. It's not because he doesn't want to have a close, healthy, loving romantic relationship with Blitz.

It's because of facts #1 (he's grappling with so much guilt and coming to terms with the consequences of his actions) and #2 (he's experiencing symptoms of unmedicated depression). And, above all, it's because of fact #7, which is...

Fact #7 - Stolas doesn't know how to be loved. Stolas has never had support. He has never had a shoulder to cry on, or someone to hold him when he needed it. When he's feeling vulnerable and broken, he defaults to hugging himself as a way to self-soothe, because that's the only comfort he's ever known.

And because he's never known comfort from others—because it was never allowed or safe for him to need or ask for comfort from others—all Stolas knows to do with his vulnerability is hide it. So much so that, the two times we see him begin to break down in front of Blitz, he either portals Blitz away or masks his tears and pain immediately. Even as he drunkenly rambles about wanting to be held, he still makes sure not to appear like he actually needs a hug.

So when he finds himself being held by Blitz in a warm, comforting hug, Stolas doesn't know how to respond. Because he's never had this. He's never had an opportunity to learn how to exist in someone's comforting embrace, how to interact with this kind of physical contact. He still has to learn how to feel safe between arms that aren't his own.

Simply put, Stolas still doesn't know how to hold Blitz back.

That doesn't mean Stolas doesn't want or need physical comfort. He needs it desperately—everyone does. But wanting something and knowing how to actually have it are two very different things, and Blitz knows that better than anyone, because he's wanted Stolas for a very long time, but didn't, until very recently, know how to feel safe accepting Stolas' love.

And that's why Blitz is completely understanding of the fact that all Stolas can do, all Stolas has the ability to do, is stand there and let himself be held, and let his emotions go through him. In, and out, with every breath, with every second. And get slowly acquainted with what being comforted by the person he loves feels like.

Thirty-something years of trauma can't be undone in a single hug, or a single conversation, and it's going to take time for Stolas to learn how to be present while in Blitz's arms, and how to return that emotional closeness.

But Blitz has faith in him. Blitz is willing to be patient and soft with him while he gets better. Blitz is ready to meet Stolas where he's at, because he knows, beyond a trace of doubt, that they love one another, and they're going to be okay. Even if Stolas doesn't know it yet—even if we, the audience don't know it yet—Blitz knows.

And that's just going to have to be enough for now.

And because this post got completely away from me, I shall conclude by quoting their song, because it summarises their story better than I ever could:

Truer love is hard to find. ❤️

[tkomptgoedluv]

watermelon.

icantbelieveiletyougetaway pt.3

pt1. here | pt.2 here | pt.3

joost klein x f! reader

tags: f! reader, non-famous! reader, reader still really needs to see a therapist, established friendship, angst angst and even more angst, did i mention angst?, tooth-rotting fluff, so fluffy it’s honestly a little cringe <3, all characters are dutch and speak in dutch but dialogue is written in english for obvious reasons.

word count: 3,494.

warnings: very brief + vague reference to SA, rpf.

notes: hello!! welcome to pt.3 <3 this is probably the part that i’m most proud of, probably because it weirdly hurt the most to write. a couple fun facts about this part: reader’s coat is heavily based on one i have in real life and absolutely adore. also, i genuinely couldn’t bring myself to touch this wip for two whole days because my personal life started to match up with this storyline and i did not like it! became a little too self-indulgent. anyways — enjoy!! lemme know what you think.

love you all lots 💋

── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ──

in a lot of ways, the whole situation was more or less your own idea of hell — ironic, considering it all started with literally the worst night of your life.

not once did you ever think that you’d be here, that this was how things were gonna go. the fun part? you don’t even know how you got here in the first place. for someone so in the middle of it all, you know surprisingly little about what actually happened, or what you must’ve done wrong.

all that you know is that it’s different now. joost is different now.

you still text everyday, a few phone calls here and there, and you’ll see him in person a few times a month or more, but you can still feel it. the subtle lack of emotion in his messages, the only-ever increasing wait times in between responses, the missing details in his stories that you’d still end up hearing from your friends. something, at some point, shifted and joost just didn’t seem to be your joost anymore.

at first, you tried to think nothing of it. you weren’t exactly a stranger to anxiety; it’s always been just a little too easy for you to get lost inside your own head. this also wasn’t the first time that you had fallen down this rabbit hole, suddenly convinced that someone you love doesn’t even like you because they said something in a slightly different tone once.

but then those weird few days where things didn’t feel quite right turned into weeks, and it just didn’t feel like nothing anymore.

you thought it could’ve been the videos because, as predicted, entire montages of the fight found their way onto each and every little corner of the internet. joost could be seen clear as day swinging for him, landing punch after punch until one of his friends would eventually step in. though somehow, the backlash against joost never came. for every clip there was a ‘story-time’ to go right along with it, and every single one explained how joost was just defending ‘this girl that had been attacked by that guy.’

so instead you exhausted yourself asking if everything was alright, just in case there was something else going on that he also hadn’t told you. but there was only so many times that you could ask the same question over and over again, only to get the same answer back.

joost was fine; great even.

so it had to be you. nothing was wrong, nothing bad had happened, it was simply just you that had repelled him all of a sudden. and that was all you could think about whilst you sat in a room surrounded by your closest friends — joost included.

it was someone’s birthday, a friend of a friend who’s name was still unknown to you and yet somehow you still ended up with an invite. aspon was on your left, deep in a conversation with stuntje about some new anime you’d never heard of, and alanis was on your right, asking to see pictures of daan’s latest art piece.

you, of course, were there in between them all, just staring into space. all of the ice in your drink had melted as it sat forgotten about in your hands, and you were fairly confident that you had memorised each and every scratch in the wooden flooring. you were yet to find a better place to look other than the floor, because of course it was joost that had to be sat opposite you.

he had pulled the short straw really, because by the time he came back in from his cigarette outside, the only seat left was one of those awful, plastic fold-up chairs. like the others he too was wrapped up in a conversation of his own, only his included a girl that you’d never seen before, and he was making her laugh a lot.

you didn’t have a single right to absolutely despise what it was that you were seeing, but still your skin felt hot and itchy, and tears burned behind your eyes. despite arriving together in your group and being seated a measly three feet away from each other, joost was yet to even glance in your direction, let alone talk to you. the blatant avoidance was unbearable; the new ‘you’ that he was talking to was even worse.

but with the anger came the shame, because really, you had no excuse to be feeling like this. two strangers with mutual friends, talking with one another at a house party of all places, wasn’t exactly incriminating. they also weren’t touching or even flirting for that matter — from what you could hear, their conversation seemed limited to small anecdotes about the people in common they both knew.

you weren’t being fair, you weren’t being reasonable; there was no excuse for the tightness in your chest.

without a word, you got up and made a dash for the balcony; desperate for a cigarette. so desperate in fact, that you didn’t stop to grab your jacket despite the rain bashing against the windows. you just needed the fresh air, needed space away from whatever the fuck was going on in there.

the small roof that the balcony upstairs provided did little to shield you from the rain. your hair quickly fell damp around the sides of your face as the wind brought goosebumps to your arms. you really should’ve stopped to grab your coat, you were soaking now.

but the pure, unbridled relief that you felt when you breathed in the smoke of your cig made it all worth it, though. it was something else to focus on, something to help soothe all of your aches and pains. best of all, it gave you a reason to be by yourself for a while — a moment alone to think, to breathe, a chance to get a fucking grip.

you took another drag of your cigarette.

“think you forgot this, schatje.”

over the sound of the heavy-falling rain and the music from inside, you hadn’t heard the balcony door slide open and shut again.

from the corner of your eye you saw joost standing there, clad in a black gilet and the same adidas track-jacket that you had bought for him two birthdays ago. your coat was in his outstretched hands; a big, red furry thing that almost swallowed you whole every time you put it on.

“yeah…thanks.”

you wanted to cry.

the silence that followed was heavy and awkward; neither of you could even look at each other as you took your jacket from him and slipped it on. whilst you focused on looking outwards towards the skyline, blinking away any tears that threatened to spill, joost busied himself with lighting up a cigarette of his own. it felt like you were standing next to a stranger, and not someone who quite literally knew every single little thing about you.

someone who always picked up the phone when you called; someone whose bed you’ve woken up naked in just a few too many times to count.

“you, uh, you doing okay?”

you almost choked on your cigarette.

he’d barely even glanced your way all night, too distracted by other female attention to really care that you were there at all, and now he wanted to know how you were doing? oh he had to be joking.

you stubbed out your cig underneath your shoe and went to storm back inside, shoving past him with your shoulder as you did so. you had almost made it too, before he caught you by the arm and gently pulled you back. it really pissed you off how hurt he looked, like this wasn’t all his fault in the first place.

“hey, can we not just talk for a minute? i wanna know what’s been up with you recently. we don’t really talk anymore.”

as hard as you could you pushed him off of you, and then you pushed him once more for good measure. you couldn’t bite it back anymore, couldn’t keep it all from spilling out when your blood was already boiling. if you were to regret it in the morning, you would just blame it on the few drinks you’ve already had.

“and why the fuck do you think that is, joost? tell me.”

a small part of you that you really couldn’t quite understand, genuinely hoped that he would push you back. that he’d get all up in your face, yelling at the top of his lungs, just as angry with you as you were with him. you wanted him to shout, to scream at you about how wrong you were; you wanted to feel crazy for even thinking that something could ever go wrong between the two of you.

you didn’t want him to just…stand there with his tail tucked between his legs, looking like he had already given up on you a long time ago. you found yourself shoving him again, only hard enough to knock him back a step or two this time.

“tell me!”

now more than ever you wished that you could stay angry, that you knew how to hold onto the outrage instead of always just breaking down into pieces. it made you feel so small the way that your voice was cracking; your shouts quickly shrinking into cries. you felt like a child again, begging to understand why everyone always left in the end.

“i just needed to work some stuff out, okay? none of this was meant to happen. i never wanted to make you cry.”

you pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes, the state of your mascara becoming an afterthought, before raking your fingers through your hair. thin strands stuck to the corners of your face and the back of your neck.

“please, tell me what i can do to make it better.”

joost was panicking now, looking a lot like an old dog that somehow knew it was about to be left behind at the shelter. you could see it in the way his hands were shaking and how he couldn’t quite seem to stand still, shifting from one leg to another.

“you can tell me what happened; what changed or what i did wrong. i don’t care.”

from the look on his face, you never would have guessed that all you’d asked him for was the truth; ‘panicked’ was no longer the right word.

“i can’t. i promise, i’ll tell you later but i can’t tell you here. not like this.”

you laughed — you couldn’t help it. three months ago, when you asked him why he was so insistent on doing anything and everything for you, he gave you the exact same line. either he forgot that he’s already used it once before, or he thought you were stupid enough to fall for it all over again; either way, you knew now that ‘later’ was never coming.

before you really knew what you were doing, you were back inside and weaving your way through the small huddles of your friends. a few stared as you began to tread water through the house, a long line of watery footprints following behind you on your way out. you muttered a quiet ‘i’ll see you guys later’ to whoever was listening and in one smooth motion, grabbed your bag from one of the tables and disappeared through the front door, slamming it behind you.

no one tried to stop you. probably for good reason, too, because you could feel the makeup running down your face.

the only good thing to come from looking so sad and drenched from the rain was that nobody on the street stopped to bother you either. not many people were out in this weather anyway, so at most you felt their eyes on you as they passed, a look of pity on their faces. pity for a girl all dressed up for a nice night out, just to be walking home early in tears.

you didn’t want their pity, you just wanted to go home. you wanted your bed and your pyjamas. you wanted a nice warm shower and to try and forget that today ever fucking happened.

you didn’t want joost to be chasing after you.

you didn’t want to hear your name being yelled from down the street by the one person you didn’t want to see right now.

“cmon you always do this! stop running away from everything.”

that was the thing to get you; the one thing that made you stop and turn on the spot.

“oh i’m the one running away? you’re the one that left!”

you met him halfway with steam coming out of your ears, your hands trembling and nose all scrunched up. you were fuming and it seemed as though he was now, too.

“i never went anywhere! you’re making it sound like i disappeared off the face of the earth or something.”

“well that’s what it felt like! what about that don’t you understand?”

you were each taking turns yelling now, oblivious to how loud you were actually being. people were sticking their heads out of their living room windows, morbidly curious about the scene that was unfolding right outside their homes. those that walked by did double-takes and even contemplated getting their phones out to record.

“but i’m here now! and i was ‘here’ back there and you just ran away like you always do!”

“did you really expect me to just stand there and listen to you lie again? all this ‘oh i’ll tell you later’ crap, it’s just bullshit. ever since that night you’ve been different and if what that guy did to me changed how you see me then maybe you’re right, maybe we should stop being whatever the fuck we are.”

joost physically recoiled at your words, his entire demeanour changing to one of hurt.

“what are you..? schatje no, no, it’s nothing like that. fuck, please tell me you don’t really think that.”

how could you not? it was the only thing left for you to think. it wasn’t like you wanted to come to that conclusion or that it was the first one you jumped to, but joost never gave you any other choice. as much as it hurt, it was better than simply not knowing.

something died in him when you nodded — you saw it in his eyes. tears of his own spilled down his cheeks as he rubbed his hands up and down his face, wiping his nose with the inside of his elbow.

“i…i would never; that guy…that wasn’t your fault.”

“then tell me the truth, joost.”

all that adrenaline, all that energy from before was long gone. you weren’t two people arguing in the rain, full of love and anger like something straight out of a romcom anymore. you were just two people standing out in the cold, soaked to the bone, just trying to hold on for a little while longer.

you were still waiting for joost to say something, trying to prepare yourself for the worst. if he was to say that same shit again, that he couldn’t tell you now but would later on, that would be it for you. you’d walk away and not turn back again, not for anything; just like that it would be game over.

but joost wasn’t saying anything, and you couldn’t decide if that was any better or not. he was silent as he took a couple steps towards you, the palms of his hands suddenly cupping either side of your jaw. the pads of his thumbs wiped away all the tears and rain from your eyes and tucked the odd strands of hair behind your ears. not once did he glance away from your gaze, not once did he say something.

it was driving you crazy.

“joost?” you were pleading with him now, desperate for him to say something — do something. the way he was looking at you, it was like you were the only thing he could see. “say something.”

“i love you.”

you blinked, and all of sudden you weren’t quite sure what to do with your hands anymore. it wasn’t the first time joost had said that to you because he says it to everyone, every single one of his friends. but he had never said it to you like that before, with a look in his eyes so heavy you feared that they might fall right out of his head.

“what?” your voice cracked as you spoke. “i don’t understand…what?��

“i love you. that’s what changed.”

a headache was coming, you could feel it. right behind your eyes, you felt a twinge, and then a subtle thumping that made your eyebrows twitch. you just couldn’t wrap your head around it, and the more you tried to make sense of it the more your head hurt.

“i swear to god if this is a fucking joke, if you’re just making this up -”

he shut you up with a kiss.

it wasn’t exactly for the first time or even close to being so, but it felt as though it could’ve been; all soft, gentle, careful. the hands that held either side of your face did so as though you could’ve cracked and shattered at any second. he moved slowly, almost hesitantly, until he felt you turn into mush beneath him. only then did he pull away, a ghost of a smile lingering on his lips.

but you couldn’t let him have it though, could you? couldn’t just let him have the upper hand, just like that. you had to chase it, had to pull him down to your height by the collar of his jacket until your lips could meet his. by the time you were finished, both shaking and breathless, there were faint smudges of red all across his mouth.

“that was so hot; do it again.”

you laughed at his words for not the first time tonight, but now it was only out of pure joy instead of anything else. you laughed because of how out of it joost looked now, his eyes glossed over and lips parted ever so slightly as he panted. you laughed because of how much you did want to do it again and how you felt giddy knowing that joost wanted you to do it again too.

so you did. only this time joost was ready and pounced on you hard enough to knock you back a couple of steps, almost making you slip on the wet pavement. his fingers lost themselves in your hair, gently tugging at the roots as yours gripped onto the nylon of his jacket for dear life, too afraid to let go and risk letting him slip away.

you would have stayed like that with him all night if it wasn’t for the wolf whistle you heard from one of the windows above, followed by the rumble of thunder. the rain was starting to fall harder now, the storm only growing and you didn’t like knowing that people were watching you now.

“we shouldn’t be doing this here — people are looking.”

with his forehead resting against yours, joost simply groaned as he struggled to catch his breath. his hands still cradled the back of your head and his eyes were still squeezed shut.

“don’t care. need you.”

he may as well have been one of the puddles at your feet, the way he couldn’t even form proper sentences anymore. the things you were doing to him right now were criminal, almost cruel, and you were loving every minute of it. proud of it, actually. you might have been mush in his hands, but he was like putty in yours.

“well…maybe you should take me home then, yeah? then you can need me as much as you like.”

joost groaned again, muttering something about how you were ‘going to be the death of him’, and leaned back in. from your nose to your cheeks, to your chin, every inch was peppered with very sweet, very wet kisses.

“have i told you much i love you yet?”

he had, at least a handful of times by now, but not nearly enough as you would’ve liked. so you shrugged, a shit-eating grin plastered across your face as you did so, and stepped back, lacing your fingers with his.

“it’s okay, you can tell me one more time.”

apparently that was way too far for you to go, because after one singular step you were tugged back again and kissed as though joost’s very life depended on it. ironic, considering you were certain that you were both about to be struck by lightning at any moment.

“i love you.”

you figured if that were to happen by some chance, it’d be worth it if it meant staying here with him for just a little while longer.

“i love you too.”

[captainmalewriter]

The 1000 Year Old Heart

Ch. 1

Deep in an unnamed cave somewhere in the Andes Mountains of South America, the HEARTS research team was in the middle of their latest expedition. Samuel, the historian of the team, read recently that some random backpackers had found wall paintings deep within the cave. After some initial research, it was discovered that these paintings had never been documented before. 

The discovery set the world of history academics on fire. Esmeralda, the team leader and archaeologist of HEARTS (and Sam’s wife) was bouncing off the walls when he shared the news. She had been dying for a good opportunity to use the last of her team’s research grant funds. Being the excitable woman she was, Esmi seized the golden opportunity as soon as she caught wind of the news. She expedited the paperwork processing and in just a few months, she was out in the Andes with her trusted colleagues and friends. Esmi was overjoyed to be back out on the field— especially with her beloved husband Sam right at her side. 

“Let’s GO, team! I’ve got a GREAT feeling about this cave!!” Esmi shouted as she went on ahead deeper into the cave. The rest of the HEARTS team sighed as they followed. After a week-long expedition, they started running out of steam. Esmi, on the other hand, was just raring to keep going. Even her husband Sam had to hurry up just to keep up with her high energy. 

“Hey Bebé, what do you think could be at the end of this cave?”

"Who knows! Maybe we'll find a mythical creature like a phoenix or something."

"C'mon, be serious," Sam said with a chuckle. "You know the supernatural doesn't actually exist."

“But I am serious! You never know what you could find in the depths of a cave like this. There could be an entire fairy civilization tucked away in here for all we know!”

“Yeah, yeah I guess so… Hey, uh, Esmi? I know it’s probably a bad time, but I was wondering if you’ve given our last conversation any thought since we talked. It’s been a couple of days now.”

“Huh? What conversation?”

“You know! The one about us hanging up our exploring boots and settling down to a quieter life—”

“Oh Sam,” Esmi groaned. Even though they were in a dimly lit cavern, Sam felt his wife rolling her eyes as she spoke. “I don’t wanna talk about that right now. We’re in the middle of an adventure!”

“I know I know! I was just curious if you’ve been thinking about it is all. We’re not in our early 20s anymore. We’re parents now! We can’t keep leaving to go exploring forever, you know.”

“I know that! I just think we can hold off this talk until we get back home. I want to enjoy this expedition without thinking too much about what if’s and maybe’s. Oh watch your step, amorcito.”

They reached a ledge. Esmi tossed a pebble into the dark pit. The thud came a couple seconds after. Nothing too steep, but they still needed to be careful climbing down. While Sam grew nervous just seeing the height, Esmi effortlessly scaled down the ragged slope like it was nothing. Sam watched her climb down with a glimmer of admiration in his eyes. In that moment, he was back in college.

It was at the school's gym where Sam first met Esmi. While he was struggling to get through his workout, Esmi was busy setting new records at the nearby climbing walls. Sam was immediately smitten by Esmi's beautiful smile and adventurous spirit. Being the shy type, Sam couldn't work up the nerve to introduce himself to his crush. But luckily, as fate would have it, they registered for the same advanced chemistry class that semester. Esmi struggled to get by in the class, and then Sam came to the rescue as her personal tutor. Although Sam was a bumbling mess, Esmi loved spending time with the awkward nerd. He was smart, funny, and so gosh darn cute whenever he got shy and flustered. Sam had a genuine quality that Esmi was very attracted to. It was something that a lot of men lacked. Too many of them were too self-absorbed and shallow. It made Sam stand out in Esmi's mind.

Soon after that semester ended, Sam finally made a move and asked Esmi out on an official date. Long story short: they hit it off incredibly well and became inseparable for the entirety of undergrad. They wound up graduating together with rings on their fingers. They then began exploring the world's secrets together, while also picking up a few new friends that would later make up HEARTS research team along the way. With careers they loved, a house in the suburbs to call their own, and a beautiful baby boy, life was going great for Mr. and Mrs. Benavides. Sam couldn't help but smile every time he reminisced (which was often). His frequent daydreaming was just another one of his quirks that Esmi found endearing about him.

"Okay everyone!" Esmi called out to the rest of HEARTS. "It's a short distance but the slope's insanely rocky. Just follow my directions and you'll be fine!"

Esmi verbally guided each member down to a safe landing. As always, Sam was the last one to make the trip. It took him longer to do things when it came to the physical part of adventuring. Sam tried his best not to slow down the team; not that Esmi really minded it, as she was always patient with him. She trusted him to get the job done despite his persistent nerves.

“There ya go!” Esmi said as she gave Sam a hand to steady himself. “You’re getting faster at this! I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you, I’ve got the best teacher a guy can ask for.”

The two adventurers shared a loving look with each other. They were still holding hands and there was only a small gap between them. They probably would’ve kissed too if the geologist of the team Harold didn’t start gagging audibly in their direction. 

“Oh my God, can y’all save the lovey-dovey shit for when you’re alone!? We got a job to do!!” Harold shouted. Esmi brushed off his annoyance with a chuckle.

“Alright alright, let’s keep moving.”

The HEARTS team continued trekking deeper and deeper into the cavern abyss through its many twists and turns. Their headlamps and flashlights were shining at max power just to keep their ragged pathway lit. Despite the ever-present danger, the HEARTS pressed on with their courageous leader Esmi leading the way. 

They eventually hit a dead end after some time. Unfortunately, there was no secret treasure or historical discovery waiting for them at the end of the cave. The team took the chance to catch their breaths while Sam photo-documented the cave walls for their research. 

“Is everything coming in clearly, Ruby?” Sam asked on the radio phone. 

“Crystal,” Ruby answered. Ruby was the brain of HEARTS. Although she usually stayed behind during expeditions, the team would be nothing without her technological know-how. 

“Perfect! Are we good to head out, Esmi?” 

Esmi didn’t answer. Instead, she kept staring at the empty rock wall that stopped their exploration. She reached out and felt around with the palm of her hand. She did this for several minutes without a word.

“Harold?” Esmi called out. “Does this rock wall seem unusually smooth to you? Almost like… it was sanded down.”

Harold walked up to the wall and placed his hands on the rock. 

“You’re right. It’s too smooth to be natural. Something’s wrong here.” 

The rest of HEARTS had a look for themselves too. As they marveled at how smooth and soft the rock was, Esmi came up with an idea: to push down the wall. The team joined their strength and with enough force, successfully toppled down the fake wall. Much to Esmi’s delight, they had found a hidden pathway.

“Hey team, the signal’s getting pretty weak. I don’t doubt it’s gonna cut out if you go even deeper. I won’t be able to send an SOS if something happens. Stay extra safe, okay?” Ruby advised. 

“Roger that, we’ll be quick,” Esmi said. She then led the charge into the narrow hallway. One by one, the members of HEARTS squeezed through until they all ended up in a small, dirty room. At the center of the dingy room was a small pedestal with a brown box on top. The box sat wide open, revealing a metallic human heart sitting inside of it.

“Is that it? All this spelunking in some unknown mountain cave just for some polished piece of silver?” Harold exclaimed. The annoyance in his voice was palpable in the tiny square room. 

“Don’t be like that, Harry! I know it’s been a long, tiring road but we finally did it! This could be the discovery of the CENTURY in our hands!! Hey babe, do you recognize it at all?”

“Hmm… No, at least not off the top of my head,” Sam answered. “I need my books for an in-depth analysis. We’ll have to take it back.”

“Okay, perfect!” Harold stepped up the podium and snatched the box. Esmi gasped as he did so. 

“Hey whoa whoa whoa! You can’t just do that!!” Esmi shouted.

“I just did. We were gonna take it back with us anyway, so what’s the problem? Let’s just get the fuck of this cave already!” 

“What the hell? What’s gotten into you today, Harry!?”

“Nothing! I just wanna go home already! I’m tired!!” 

A shouting match broke out between the exhausted Harold and overly zealous Esmi. Sam took a step back while the other HEARTS members tried breaking up the fight. Resolving conflicts was never Sam’s strong suit.

As he watched the yelling continue from afar, Sam noticed the silver heart Harold was carrying light up. There was dull, red light coming from the intricate carvings and grooves of the relic. It was mesmerizing to watch. It reminded Sam of Christmas decorations. He was about to call the team’s attention to it, but just before he could, one of the valves began pouring out luscious red smoke. The smoke piled up just behind Harold. Within seconds, the smoke gathered up and materialized into a muscular man who was heavily adorned with tattoos.

"Hey, who the fuck is that!?" Esmi shouted. She and the rest of HEARTS took several steps back. Unaware of the man's sudden appearance behind him, Harold simply looked at them with a confused expression.

"What's wrong? Why are you guys backing away all scared like that?"

They pointed at the man behind him. Harold turned his head slightly to look back.

“Hm? What the—”

It was too late for Harold. By the time his mind registered that there was someone behind him, the man with tattoos disintegrated back into a floating mass of scarlet smoke. It took advantage of Harold's surprised, agape mouth and shot straight into his throat.

"Aaagck!? Uuuughhhh!!!"

Harold let out a low, gagging groan as the red smoke forced its way inside of him. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he convulsed uncontrollably. His shirt and pants became visibly too tight as his body became bloated with every gulp of smoke. An intricate spiderweb tattoo began forming on Harold's throat too. The pitch-black ink stood out harshly against Harold's pale skin. It looked like someone had scratched it on with a ball point pen. Awful, jagged, and hard to look at without wincing.

The rest of HEARTS watched in abject horror as a massive amount of ominous, red smoke filled their beloved friend and colleague.

Harold jolted his head back down once he finally swallowed all of the smoke. Aside from his now bloodshot eyes and new neck tattoo, Harold looked more or less the same on the outside.

Everyone stood still, not saying a word. The air had become tense. Sam swallowed a breath. It felt sharp in his throat as it went down. Something was deeply wrong.

"Everyone, get back!!" Esmi commanded the team. Her voice snapped them back to their senses. "Harry, try to stay calm and listen carefully to me. Some kind of entity just forced its way inside your body. Tell me: how do you feel right now? And are you in control of your movements?"

Harold lowered his gaze down to the ground. His eyes matched a baby deer in headlights. The corners of his lips curled into a slight frown. Then, once he finally opened his mouth to speak, his voice came out shaky and quivering.

"I can feel it..." Harold held a hand against his chest. "It's slithering around inside of me. It's—"

He cut himself short. Harold threw his hands up to his head, gripping his temples as he began screaming horrifically. Esmi ran to his side while the others maintained a safe distance.

"What's wrong!? What's happening?"

"IT'S HIM! HE'S SCREAMING INSIDE MY MIND!"

"Who's screaming!?"

"ALACAN! HE WANTS HIS PERFECT VESSEL! HE'S FURIOUS— AAAAAHHHH!!"

"This thing's getting aggressive! Hang on, I've got a plan!"

Esmi took a step back. She then pulled out what looked like an egg from her backpack. Sam recognized the object. It was one of the many supposedly supernatural items Esmi liked to play around with. Sam didn't understand how an egg could possibly help them, but in a dire situation, he was ready to put all his faith in a magical trump card. Esmi stood in front of Harold with the egg held high.

"This is gonna hurt like hell, but I promise it'll get whatever's inside of you out whether it likes it or not! Now hold still!!"

With all her force, Esmi slammed the egg onto the back of Harold's head. The eggshell shattered upon contact, covering Harold in egg yolk. The yolk then spontaneously combusted, engulfing Harold in bright white flames. Sam winced as he watched his friend flop onto the ground, writhing in agony like a worm drowning in salt. His blood-curdling shrieks echoed off the walls of the tiny cave chamber. Halfway through his screaming, Harold’s voice dropped several octaves. His voice became hoarse and demonic.

“AAAAHHHH-OWWWWW!! yOU fUcKINg bITcH! GeT AWaYY!!!”

Sam wasn’t sure what exactly happened next. He heard Harold screaming, but then suddenly he found himself lying face down on the ground in severe pain. The back of his head ached, and the scraped, bloody skin on his arms and face stung with the air. Had something pushed him away? Was it some kind of invisible telekinetic force field? Sam didn’t know, but what he did know was that he wasn’t the only one affected by the impact. The other members of HEARTS had been thrown to the wall too. However, while Sam struggled to pick himself back up through the pain, the others had already gotten up and joined Esmi in fighting off whatever entity was inside of Harold. 

They were fighting a losing battle. Harold had gone into a full-blown rampage. He was slashing away at them and himself like he had razor blades for fingers. Blood and ink splattered the area. Sam watched the violence with bated breath. His heart felt like it was ready to explode. He wanted to jump into the fray and stop the demon from hurting his loved ones. But at the same time, his mind and soul were screaming at him to run away as fast as he could. Get away from the monster before he gets hurt too. Sam stood there, paralyzed by an impossible decision. It wasn’t until he heard his wife’s voice that he came back to his senses.

Run!

Sam looked up. His eyes locked onto Esmi’s. His heart dropped at the sight of her bloodied face. Her mouth was moving, but Sam couldn’t hear her through the adrenaline pumping in his veins. Esmi strained her voice, shouting again and again until finally, her words reached him.

“RUN! RUN AWAY, SAM! SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!”

Without any hesitation, Sam turned around and bolted out of there. The last thing he heard was the amalgamation of several screaming voices behind him. But even that sound was tuned out by him focusing on running at full speed. Sam ran with every last bit of energy he had in his body. He did not stop until he made it out of the cave and back to their campsite, where Ruby waited patiently for the team’s return. Needless to say she was flabbergasted when Sam came charging in by himself. She tended to his wounds while he took the time to catch his breath. 

“Are you okay? What happened back there, Sam?” Ruby asked. His eyes darted around wildly as he processed what he had just experienced. Although he had regained some of his composure, it still took him quite some time before he could finally speak again. 

“The cave collapsed…” Sam started. His voice came out flat and monotone. “They were crushed under the rubble... I-I had to get out there before I got caught too.” 

“Oh my God… Everyone’s gone?”

“Everyone’s gone… Everyone.”

Sam repeated that last sentence out loud several times. Like he was trying to convince himself as opposed to Ruby. Naturally, Ruby broke down in tears at the shocking and sudden loss of her close friends. Sam was devastated too, though he shed no tears for his face was locked in a thousand-yard stare. He had just lost the love of his life to a demon. It was a truth his mind couldn’t accept as reality. Sam had survived, but his soul had gotten killed in the process. 

…Over the course of the next 48 hours, Sam and Ruby gathered their belongings and returned to their research headquarters with essentially nothing to show for it. Nothing but tragedy anyway. Sam had fallen into a stoic silence. Although she was equally grief-stricken, Ruby took the initiative to report what had happened. She figured Sam just needed time to mentally recover after what he had endured firsthand. 

Once it was all said and done, Sam returned to his household— alone. He relieved the nanny from her duties, then sat in silence in the living room. The trauma from the past week weighed heavily on Sam’s body and mind. He took several deep breaths, trying to calm down, but to no avail. Sam rose from the couch and made his way to his son’s bedroom where Abel was sound asleep in his crib. The nanny had just tucked him in for the night. A slight smile cracked on Sam’s face. The sight of his baby boy sleeping peacefully was the only thing that gave him peace. 

He watched him sleep for a few minutes, then ran off to his bedroom when a sudden realization hit him like a pile of bricks. Sam rummaged through all of Esmi’s old stuff. She collected various paranormal things over the years as a personal hobby. Sam never really cared for the supernatural the way Esmi did. But after the violent encounter he had in the Andes, he had no choice but to believe now. He pulled an all-nighter as he studied everything he could through Esmi’s collections. By the time the next morning came, Sam had crafted two charmed necklaces designed to protect the wearer from supernatural harm. He designed the necklace charm specifically to resemble the accursed relic that brought him so much pain in hopes that it would grant extra protection against it. Sam was no expert craftsman by any means, but he hoped they would get the job done.

Sam donned one of the necklaces, then went to the nursery room with the other in hand. 

“There you go, mi cariñito…” Sam whispered as he carefully placed the other necklace around Abel’s neck. The eerie jewelry looked out of place on a 1-year-old baby, but Sam didn't care. He refused to take any chances. He knew he didn’t have the privilege of blissful ignorance anymore. There was no telling if/when another demonic entity would try to attack them. Sam shuddered at the thought. Abel cooed in his arms as he woke up. Sam shook off the bad thoughts and held his son close to his chest, their necklace charms almost touching. 

“Those evil demons took away Mamá, but they will never hurt our family ever again. I promise I’ll protect you no matter what, my sweet little Abel. Papá’s here, forever and always.”

[imkazz]

saiki k season 2 lore is insane

cant believe some of my moots said there was barely any lore or character development until the last 2 episodes because what the fuck is thissss (huge spoilers)

making this more organised than my last post about season 1 and the finale

teruhashi at first i really really hated her- of course, i loved and adored her as a character but as a person? no. she is a play on the anime trope of 'perfect mary sue girl' and its so fuckin weird becuase its both exactly that and exactly the opposite. she is perfect and looks beautiful and nobody can compare and basically everyone is falling in love with her or completely and utterly jealous of her- exactly like one of those stereotypical girls in those kinds of animes. but then at the same time shes not. teruhashi is intelligent, cunning, calculating, and puts up a delicate facade practically 24/7. she knows her abilities and utilises them to her absolute fullest, and i completely respect her for that. teruhashi recognises that she is 'gods favourite' and she is not shy in the slightest to manipulate that to ensure she gets the advantage. however, this knowledge of everyone else completely obliterates her own self-perception: she believes that she herself is the very role she is acting. teruhashi is determined that she is absolutely kind and perfect and is in no way wrong with anything she does. and with her lack of experience involving rejection and plainness, she completely overlooks saiki and is utterly confused with him as a whole. and at first, teruhashis obsession with saiki is about getting him to just become another guy- get him to say 'offu' to her. she bugs him, follows him, comes up with ploys, manipulates the world around her to try and get it to happen, uses all of her skills to her advantage, only for nothing. i didnt like her as a high school student to another because she painfully reminds me of a lot of girls i was friends with.

but then as the series goes on...... teruhashi changes. i think it was a gradual thing (such as teruhashi becoming friends with yumehara, even- i dont think she actually had female friends up until yumehara because of the amount of guys around her +the fact that all other girls near her would get overshadowed), but it really showed up for me in episode 17 of season 2. where teruhashi got jealous of aiura (fuuck i gotta talk about this diva). yeahhh it was not pretty. teruhashi began changing herself so that saiki could notice her (and i notice that before, teruhashi had only tried to use her own personal skills to get him to say 'oh wow' so this is the first time shes tried changing herself) and i found saikis attempts to dissuade her interesting too. typically, with all of his attempts, saiki would go into her mind and use his powers to try and turn her off, but this time, he actually told aiura to do it.

i think it was also very interesting that aiura was also changing around her appearance, as it really helped set things in for teruhashi. as they both changed what they were like (teruhashi for a boy (saiki), aiura for a girl (teruhashi)) so teruhashi was only getting more and more confused with that bit. 'if im getting more gyaru and aiura more kawaii then why isnt he reacting to either of us?'. and then saiki gets aiura to talk to teruhashi, and i also found what aiura said to teruhashi interesting. it was all that stuff about saiki and what kind of girl he liked. and i really think that she was telling the truth. i really feel that aiura was just saying things about saiki about a whole for all his relationships, romantic or platonic. he likes people who stay true to themselves. kaido is unafraid to feed his delusions/imagination (whichever you please), toritsuka is always honest with saiki (even if nobody wants to hear that pervy stuff), aiura is unafraid to be boisterous and stylish (even if she is a little bit freaky), kuboyasu is genuinely trying to become a better person (even if it sometimes doesnt work), akechi is determined and didnt let saiki sway him (despite all the obstacles that saiki put in his way), nendo is undoubtedly stupid but he is still kind (saiki watched him jump in front of a truck to save a kid thousands of times), on and on and on.

not only that, it is painfully clear to us the viewers that changing appearances doesnt matter in the slightest to saiki- he only sees it for like 3 seconds (i think he said) before it becomes muscle. curling hair or applying makeup or having more meat on the titties doesnt matter to him at all. what matters is what happens in their head, because while he doesnt get an extensive idea about their outside, he gets overly surrounded by everything on the inside. and thats probably why aiura saw that and said that to teruhashi (even if she cant explain the full reason). so teruhashi returns to normal and says that she will make saiki gasp with her own abilities.

but the strange thing is that shes already given that speech before. i cant say exact episodes from the top of my head but she has totally already said that she would use her charms and looks and sweetness to make him say 'offu' and he has always tried to dissuade her using his powers. but it was this one that made him gasp. and like. i was not expecting it in the slightest ok. but i think it makes sense- she has discovered that she can be confident in herself as a person rather than just her natural looks and is determined nonetheless. i think that saiki recognised around this area that she genuinely liked him as he was, even if she had thought he was 'gloomy and hard to read' (i believe she thought that when with his perv grandpa?) she still wanted to be around him and still had that crush. i love how when teruhashi is talking with other girls (kuriko too, but in this specific case im thinking about is rifuta) about her crush on saiki kusuo, that she would mention that at first, it was pure spite and disbelief that anyone could ignore her like that. and then, teruhashi wouldnt fail to continue and say that she grew to have a genuine crush on saiki that wasnt built upon annoyance at the fact he walked past her. and he discovers that he doesnt particularly mind being the object of her affection (unless her fanbase gets in the way oof) so i think that the offu from was a sort of embarrassed yet begruging acceptance towards this parasite of a girl who has attached herself to him lol

aiura shes sososo cool. i love the freshness(?) of her personality for the rest of the cast. finally a female psychic and i am in love with herr. at first i was a bit skeptical with the whole 'finding my soulmate' thing and i was cackling when saiki was just like 'ah yes she is legit but i am Just Better'. and then she continued to show up more and i love her. shes so quirky and very different from the other girls, who we see as much more feminine and in tune with romance anime tropes than anything, and then she comes in with the gyaru style and i love that so much. not only that, her slang and way of speech compared to the other girls (teruhashi, yumehara, mera) is also very interesting.

not only that, i really loved seeing the anime through her eyes and the auras of other characters including the shock-comedy of saikis. then, as she finds out about his powers and all i really loved how they worked together. i know a lot of other characters also saw that, seeing through teruhashi who commented that they were like the 'opposites attract' trope with 'boring' and 'flamboyant'. but then i also really liked how they worked even without any of the other characters opinions. aiura is still not giving up about the whole soulmates thing and saiki just lets it happen. because his ulterior motives is that she would ward off teruhashi so he begrudgingly accepts her to be near him as she pesters him to date/bang.

and then adding toritsuka into the paragraph, the pk psychic kids are golden. i love love love their dynamics. saiki has more respect for aiura only because he holds none for toritsuka. toritsuka sees saiki as superior and saw aiura as a pair of boobs in the beginning. aiura wants to be with saiki and just hates toritsuka because he tries to flirt. and for every mission they try to do together it always ends up in comedy. when saiki turned kaido and nendo to stone? holy fucking shit that really summed up what they were like. the psychic kids really are a weird band of teenagers with powers and it really showed their personalities in that meeting because. aiura stripping in saikis bed and toritsuka peeking through the door and saiki only sees a pile of muscles on his bed and a perv watching through his door. like cmon

i also want to dig deeper into her powers. she is completely ok with people knowing about her powers (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she uses them to help people out (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). she uses her powers to her own benefit (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she doesnt want to burden people with her powers (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). i find them soso interesting too because she questions why saiki doesnt use his powers more openly esp because he just has so many at his disposal. and then he sort of shows her why its a bad idea to so openly help people out by the result of mera and her father and i feel like she toned it down a bit after that too (at least publicly).

childhood lore this was insane. the buildup and everything and how it was presented. it first started with akechi being introduced as a new student and it was already unsettling to see saiki be actually a bit nervous about this guy. and then even more of a shock to see this guy blatantly ask saiki if he was a psychic because what- how the hell would this guy suspect, much less know?! and we learn that they were classmates in elementary school and we see a barely-there flashback to saiki standing in a classroom with childrens bodies scattered around him. so the suspense has started. and then we continue to get pestered by akechi but we know what he wants, but not why and thats the whole deal of it. he is the embodiment of those anime characters who are scarily good at deducing things and has a perfect memory too which makes it all the scarier because we know hes not an idiot unlike the rest of saikis friends.

and then to actually know what happens while saiki is going back in time to change it? masterpiece. we learn more about why akechi is pursuing this answer along with what actually happened to make that happen, along with why saiki cant change it without some sort of grave consequence. and the new knowledge that saiki as a kid without limiters is stronger than teenage saiki with limiters is even scarier because of course saiki wouldnt be able to stop himself.. truly an op main character. i also found it interesting how saiki k (the anime) manages to reuse powers over and over too and in such creative ways and in strange comebacks. he went back in time for his parents, he rewound the earth to one year prior because of the volcano, relived the same moment of nendo dying like thousands of times.. they really only ever hinder him.

and then to know what happens? i thought akechi was a creep for following/knowing everything about saiki but.. knowing everything that he knew at the moment? makes sense. definitely creepy, but much better understood. i feel like it was a good decision from saiki to tell him about his powers. if this isnt the first time theyve been like this, then it really does make sense. they were kids. they still are kids. and omfg saiki saying "i decided not to tell anyone about my abilities after that" because all it did was get akechi into more trouble from bullies. but they are now teenagers and have better cognitive understanding than when they were elementary kids so i feel it was justified for saiki to tell akechi because, after all of that trying with time travel, saiki couldnt stop the series of events unless he was making the world suffer. and akechi deserved at least a bit of closure about what actually happened and why saiki left.

and i feel like this series of events is also what makes saiki who he is in the beginning of the anime. he doesnt want friends at all because if they found out about his power they would be curious and want to know more and blab about it to others. and saiki knows the result from having lived it. because if he gets attached, people he loves get hurt. trying to make friends only causes suffering as akechi got bullied for claiming all those things and saiki hurt other kids using his powers because his emotions got out of control (rightfully!! he was like 8 and his best friend was getting bullied!!! of course he wouldnt be able to control any outbursts).

shipwrekced shipwrecked. i cant forget about this one but i was saving this. i realise i didnt write any notes for this one because i was wayy too focused on the actual happenings to comment. because what the fuck. 

yeah that about sums up what i thought at first.

the tropes. holy shit. they added so so many tropes into this one it was. the teenagers on a ship get shipwrecked on an island. all they have are the clothes theyre wearing and miraculously the pantry which washed ashore along with some supplies to build a raft. like all the typical anime things. and even when they suggest to build a raft, saiki agrees with them because its a good cover up. and i really loved the stereotypes that were put upon them: the loner (saiko), the cannibal (mera), pretty woman (teruhashi), leader (kuboyasu), idiot with good ideas (nendo), then saiki and kaido as the ‘followers’ or ‘helpers’.

then i found how saiki got them out genius, despite the fact he was panicking in the beginning about how to fix it. like of course he should be panicking because you cant see any rational way to get out of the situation without telling the rest of them about his powers. and so he tries to keep them alive for a little bit (going home and sleeping, buying food :sob holy shit bruhh), and then when he finally finds a way out (the raft) they play it off as stupid despite being such a stereotype of any shipwrecked movies. and even teruhashi realised that something was off, right? how his clothes were perfectly clean and all, but when he ‘went to work’ (i totally thought he was off to kill something with the saw helpp), he came back dirty. and of course! only saiki would make a whole new island near japan as a way of keeping his powers secret..

i honestly have no idea how to feel about this because.. how did they move on so quickly?! your students/classmates got trapped on an island for a couple of days. shouldnt this be a bigger deal- shouldnt saiki be known as ‘the kid who got trapped on an island’? like bro…. anime logic (if anyone else could. tell me what the hell was up with the shipwrecked episodes other than being satire towards other shipwrecked medias and being a bit of a comedy along with character development towards some characters like saiko)

friends+classmates so like. kuboyasu is a previous gangster and trying to become better/normal (anime trope). and kaido has middle schooler syndrome and thinks hes so cool (/affectionate). they are the two people you would least expect to become besties right. and yet they fit together so well. kuboyasu wants to become normal while kaido wants anything but. kuboyasu is actually strong and able to protect people while kaido can only dream. and it really shows during that mugging episode where kaido knows about kuboyasus past and yet still tells him to run. kaido is so weak and delusional that he probably gives kuboyasu a reason to remain calm and to 'protect his innocence' while kaido wants to be jet black wings and protect everyone no matter their pasts or abilities despite constantly failing and getting into danger and needing that saving himself. and even after that, they continue to hang out with or without others (such as building that fort or taking motorbike classes together??? or even may i mention when kaido trapped himself inside the coffin and kuboyasu was trying to coax him out). so then imagine my shock and delight when they started calling each other shun and aren like OMFGG?? calling people by their first names in japanese culture is a sign of being close with each other (such as chiyo and kokomi). theyre always in close proximity to each other and i adore themm

okok then saiki. and his friendssss. these episodes as a whole just show how much hes grown to care for themm. he follows yumehara and her boyfriend-sworn friend(?) to ensure that neither gets hurt from their misunderstanding. he warms up the classroom for all his classmates because he caress. he foils the plans of the news team to make teruhashi look bad. he stops hairo from getting killed during a robbery. he makes kaidos prank actually happen. he tries to throw akechi off in order to protect both of them from his power. he fucking saved yumehara from falling to her death. he gets beaten up by some fourth graders to help out yuuta. he gets everyone to return their gifts to mera on her birthday. he uses hypnosis to get his class to look better while they perform that play. he catches teruhashi before she falls and carries her to the nurse. he probably wouldnt have done half those things in the first part of season 1. so many of those require him to genuinely care for the people hes helping and not only that, some of those things draw attention to him and he would only let that happen if he truly cares for who he is aiding.

then to add to more about relationships between characters that arent saiki. kuboyasu and saiko. it definitly started as a hate-hate relationship. but then we see saiko crying in the bathroom because mean things were written on his desk and then we also see kuboyasu had tried to clean it off before saiko got there. my heartttt. not only that, but saiko who didnt care about peasants who went out of his way to redo his mansion to fit their tastes? and at first it was for his own ego (so similar to teruhashi omfgg) but then just like her, saiko began to actually care and didnt even understand it himself about why he was so focused on getting them to like him. and ofc he is an ass. he rolls down the window only to close it and drive away because its cold. he withdraws funding from the play just because the class was going behind his back. but its barely his fault. everything is handed to him on a silver platter and he doesnt know better. while kuboyasu had to work for everything. before he was working as a gang leader but now he is working towards being better. and aughh

world lore first off i need to say that the foreshadowing for this was INSANE. do you hear me. i am shaking you by the shoulders while i say that i am still utterly speechless by the implications and impact of episode.

the fucking volcano. holy shit. holy shit. there is so much i have to talk about considering the anime +worldbuilding +foreshadowing +buildup. this is a comedy anime. this is an anime that makes fun of anime tropes constantly. girl running to school with bread in her mouth. background characters. siblings who are a lil too freaky with their siblings. mary sue anime girls. the idiot friends. and then this???? the fact that saiki has been in a time loop for the same year for four years straight is. its literally mentioned by saiki himself when he says 'you might notice something off about this anime' and its poking fun at the fact that high school animes always loop around in order to continue publishing (like how its meant to represent just one year for the main character but theyve had seven winter episodes/chapters and three birthdays for a character). its poking fun at that bit and it uses saiki himself to do it.

the worldbuilding and foreshadowing come hand in hand. in the episode where kuboyasu was first introduced, toritsuka began talking to him about being a transfer student. when kuboyasu asked when toritsuka had entered he said 'second term of second year' so the same as kuboyasu. and we brushed it off as toritsuka being a dumbass. because of course we would, of course kuboyasu would too. but fuckk. we have four transfer students in one year all in second term?? we thought it was just a fucking anime trope thing again. but no. it was all purposeful. and then to add to that, we already knew that saiki had time travel powers. he could control time, we know from his restoration along with (later on from this episode) how he travels back through time for his parents. it was all deliberately set up in that way and so just holy shit.

and now i have to actually talk about that segment itself. the earthquake in the beginning was seemingly comedy and then we see saiki training. cool but not too big of a deal. and then he starts telling us about what the fuck is up just as he tries to stop the volcano. like excuse me?? i found it so very interesting that he continues rewinding time in order to build up his powers daily yet keep the volcano from exploding and intertwining both the time powers and mind control in order to achieve it. and hes gone through second year of high school four times, yet his parents know. it was crazy how nonchalant they were about it too, saying 'oh he can always do it again right' like he is saving the world. how much longer would he do it? how much would he be willing to do? i find saiki so very interesting because he could always just. let the volcano explode but it is in his core to be kind and to help the ones he loves (including the rest of japan). he tries and he knows his limits and yet he is still ready to try again with a new set of abilities.

final thoughts before reawakened too hyperfixated. OOF. anyways im so sad the anime is almost over (for me loll). its sucked me into its grasp because it has everything im looking for. as a high schooler i love all the shenanigans but then as an anime lover i enjoy the satire tropes and as a theatre kid i love the gags and commentary and as a person who looks wayy too deeply into things i love the implications and dark undertones of the series.

[babiestbubbles]

Jason Todd Agere HCS

The first of many, icl. I am possessed by DC demons, I have SO MANY thoughts abt them, pls pls pls hmu w/ Prompts, I am dying to write about these little bat boys

Primarily, if not exclusively, regresses when under the influence. The man is so repressed and afraid of his regression that the one of the only ways he can properly slip into his headspace is when he's drunk/high/etc.

Experiences a LOT of impure regression. Sometimes it's little imperceptible things like accidents after nightmares, so at first he brushes it off as a trauma response (which, technically it is but he doesn’t know that yet) or just a lack of bodily control that comes with revival. It slowly evolves into deep, complete regressive episodes when faced with heavy injury, fear toxin, or when he's home and safe after mission.

To expand on the previous point, he has enough control to keep from slipping during fights/high adrenaline situations, but the second his mind and body register genuine safety (ie. arrival at one of his personal/hidden safe houses or Roy's/a close friend's) he plummets into littlespace.

His close friends aren't overly jarred by it, Jason's always been a little softer, a little more sensitive after rough mission. He always meticulously checks them all over first, only allowing them to give him the same treatment once he's certain all immediate needs have been attended to. It's not their place to judge if over the months that softness has evolved from wordless whimpers and silent tears to soft babbles and tiny acts of self soothing.

If digging through his duffle and shoving a familiar stuffed bear into his arms keeps him from wiggling and whining as they attend to his wounds, just as he did theirs not 5 minutes earlier, who are they to look a gift in it's mouth? It's not like rougher, in-field Jason would take to being patched up all that better.

The process would be laced with fussing all the same, whimpers swapped for strings of curses and flinches traded for Jason brashly pulling away, insisting he could do it better himself. At least this way they can be sure his reactions are signs of genuine pain and discomfort rather than scorn and judgment for their first aid abilities.

He would genuinely rather die again then let any of his family know about his regression and makes it an active point to hide it from them, even at the expense of his health and wellbeing.

Idk much abt Steph but I think she, if anyone, would be the only one to pick up on it. I also think she's the best person of the bats to figure it out, because unlike the others who would confront him about it head on and probably scare him off, I think Steph would soft-launch her awareness of Jason’s regression.

It wouldn't be baby-talk and piles of presents. It would be keeping a few spare kids items in her pouches, a tiny teddybear, a pacifier, lollipops. Things she could easily brush off as occupational necessities.

He has almost NO gear on his own. He has the bear Talia gave him when he was first looking after him. (Before she'd thrown him into the pit back when his mind was too frazzled to recognize or comprehend most of his surroundings. When all he could rely on was his senses for comfort. She picked up on this quickly, flooding the boy with soft scents of cinnamon and nutmeg, cardamom tea, fluffy teddy bears and blankets.)

Aside from the bear all he has is a teether, a busted up old thing. It had water in it at some point, he'd found it in the clearance aisle of a Duane Reade, cheap enough to justify to himself. He'd muttered something about it being good to have for keeping toddlers quiet.

It' hadn't lasted a night in the package before he was gnawing at it, suckling on it, finally satiating the desire to nurse his thumb that he refused to indulge.

The teether had made it all of two weeks before he'd worn it out, busting it amidst a particularly bad crying fit. It only made him cry harder, and while he knew logically he should’ve tossed it the second it broke but he couldn't bear to part with his only other comfort item, and he knew he didn't have the stomach to try replacing it.

That it's for nowwww, pls gimme other characters to do!! I love writing abt them, I could honestly do another dump of just Jason hcs, I have so many thoughts about these little bat boys

Obligatory self-promo for my DC agere discord server

https://discord.gg/QwtaNKMq

Join it! Come harass me for fics, hcs, and drabbles personally ‼️ /silly

[jimmycarterghostland]

I finished my Worm read days ago. I'm going to discuss how I feel about the entire story as a whole here.

Some background: I discovered the web serial Worm years ago. I was either searching for the longest story or was searching for one that was one million words long. Either way, one of those things led me to Worm. Instead of reading it properly, I spoiled a bunch of stuff about it for myself, and would read random scenes out of order. And I would look up Reddit posts about the story. I tried giving it a proper read years back, but didn't get very far.

Months ago, I started that proper beginning-to-end read. A couple of days ago, I finished that read. I read the entirety of Worm. And it was worth it.

Before I started that read, I thought the Travelers were pretty cool. I ended up resenting them during my read. Not only were they rude to Taylor, but the Travelers didn't even like each other. That made it even harder for me to care about them, because they showed no care for anyone else.

Heartbreaker and his children, the Heartbroken, fulfilled this very specific trope of mine that probably doesn't even have a name. I don't know why, but I love it when a fictional male character has a lot of children by different women, making those children have a lot of half-siblings. Thragg from the Invincible comics fulfilled this trope too.

Heartbreaker was a villain I wanted to see a lot more of. He definitely had a lot of potential. I wish Wildbow had given him a bigger role in the story. I don't even think Heartbreaker had any dialogue. I wish Accord had had a bigger role, too, because he was another minor villain I found interesting, but at least Accord still had a decent amount of appearances in the story.

Speaking of Heartbreaker, his two kids Regent and Cherish were interesting. I actually liked Regent a lot. I was surprised that Cherish genuinely hated him and that the feeling was mutual. For a while, I thought that Cherish was going to betray the Slaughterhouse Nine and maybe team up with Regent and develop a friendly bond with him. I wanted that to happen. It didn't happen, though. Cherish ended up getting a fate worse than death. I feel bad for her, to be honest. I wouldn't wish her fate on my worst enemy.

I wish Regent had survived. He was a cool character. RIP.

My favorite character was Tattletale. At first, anyway. I think Taylor was my favorite by the end of the story.

Worm is the only superhero novel I've read. Reading it was nostalgic for me. When I was a kid, I loved reading superhero comics and watching superhero movies. The X-Men comics, movies, etc. is my favorite superhero fiction. Reading Worm fed my childhood obsession with superheroes. In general, people with superpowers forming teams and fighting other people with superpowers is something I love to watch or read. My own web serial, which I'm currently rewriting, has that.

I loved the dialogue in Worm. It was one of my favorite things about it. Those chapters during the final battle, when Taylor couldn't understand English, the lack of dialogue was a pain. Not just because a lack of dialogue can be boring, but also because Wildbow writes dialogue so well. I loved it when the characters in Worm would just talk to each other. And I love how characters tended to have unique vocabulary. Sometimes it fit their personality too, like Skidmark and his love for disgusting, inappropriate speech, because he's a disgusting, inappropriate person.

Something I had a problem with, though: a lot of times it wasn't clear which character was talking, and sometimes it was clear which character was talking but wasn't clear which one they were talking to during a group conversation. All of that happened a lot in Worm. Sometimes a dialogue tag would've been nice, with either a name or a pronoun.

The introspection was great. The inner thoughts of the characters never felt repetitive or anything. Sometimes certain phrases were used too much, like "The object was long as he/she was tall". And there were other repetitive phrases, but the introspection always felt fresh. I never had the impression a character was thinking the same thing took much.

Wildbow uses similes pretty well. I loved his descriptions. Sometimes I would read a sentence or a paragraph and understand exactly what a character was feeling. There was this one part when Taylor describes the terror she felt being like a gun being pointed at her for a long time, with her fear not rising or going down. I wish I could find that paragraph again.

The characters. The characters in Worm were amazing. They were so diverse with their own unique beliefs and motivations. It was realistic. A lot of them felt like real people. And there's some great character development. And because a bunch of the characters repeatedly make appearances throughout the novel, you see a lot of them and they make the book feel realer, and more "lived-in".

Worm is technically a multiple point of view novel. It's mainly told from Taylor's point of view, but it has a bunch of other narrators too. Wildbow is a master of multiple POV, which is also my favorite point of view to read and to write. The narrators in Worm have personalities and beliefs that show in the writing. Wildbow knows how to use introspection to demonstrate that. In the racist Hookwolf's interlude, he refers to Shatterbird as the racist term for her race, because he is racist. His inner thoughts fit his character. A non-racist character in Worm wouldn't have used that term. They would have used the proper word for Shatterbird's race. Hookwolf also has a hatred for cornrows, which is another example of his racism. When I read Hookwolf's interlude, I really got the sense that he was racist. Good job, Wildbow.

Worm has a lot of great instances of "show, don't tell". Like when he describes Leviathan as moving slower, because he's weaker, but Wildbow doesn't explicitly say that Leviathan was getting weaker. I loved that. Sometimes the reader has to figure things out for themself. There were some satisfying instances where Wildbow didn't spell out the obvious. I liked that.

I like how smart the characters were. Fictional characters being hopelessly stupid is something I really hate, but there was none of that in Worm. It was like everyone in this book was smart. Smart characters acting genuinely smart makes fiction more thrilling and fun to read or watch. It was satisfying to read intelligent characters showing actual cleverness. There was none of that "This character is stated to be smart but never does anything smart" nonsense.

One example of a character being genuinely clever in Worm is when Coil asks Dinah the chance of various individuals in their group, including themselves, surviving an upcoming attack, after she says there's a chance she will die in the next half-hour. The percentages is around the same for each of them. Coil does this to see if the attack will be an attack on all of them as a whole. This was clever. Another smart moment is when Taylor deliberately confuses Bonesaw to delay her attempt to get to Taylor's brain(which Taylor doesn't want to happen. Bonesaw is a really bad person). This moment probably wasn't extremely clever, but I think in real life most people would just pointlessly beg the bad guy to stop instead of actively trying to delay them.

Characters in Worm use their powers intelligently during fights, and that's what made reading this novel even more fun. It was intriguing.

I also love the stakes gradually get higher. The most dangerous villain is fought at the end, which is a good thing. Because the final battle in a book or other piece of media should be when the stakes are highest. If Scion was defeated in the middle of the novel and Lung was the final enemy to defeat instead, that would've been a terrible writing decision by Wildbow. Villainous Scion was much more of a threat than Lung was.

I really loved this novel. I wish more books were as great as this one. Worm is actually the web serial that made me start taking web serial seriously. I hope I will someday write a serial that's as great as Worm.

My rating for Worm:

4 out of 5 stars.

[evecolourshock]

....aaaand now i have fic

Apologies to all my RP buddies, stepping back from RP has made the stories runneth over

Tron hesitates, and then sinks into a booth Sam reserved for the this needs a drink kind of explanations. It is, he admits, a useful system given how little Sam knows of his father's work and Tron's own (admittedly patchy) knowledge of how things were before Clu messed with them.

"What's up?" Sam greets Tron, worry creasing that young face. "What happened, is something-"

"Nothing is more wrong than it was when you left eight millicycles ago." Tron soothes. It... kind of works. "More... I'm aware my question earlier was strange, and offer explanations." Because that's something he's learned to do, now. Explain.

Tron wishes he had this new skill when Beck- not going there.

Sam motions at him to go on.

"You'll have noticed by now a lot of things are named after me, and I keep on asking you to change them." Tron decides to start. Sam nods - that's good, he's aware of what Tron's on about. "I didn't have anything to do with the initial naming, that was all your father." Tron sips at the low-grade energy already on the table - it's nice on his scratchy throat, and if he wants a higher grade he can order it. "He... went a lot overboard with it, and I didn't notice."

Sam grimaces, aware of just how many things are named Tron-somethings. He's had to change a lot of them, and there's still more to go.

"By the time I found out... well. Too late to change it, and he didn't listen to my protests. Especially when I told him it was past flattering and well and truly into terrifying. In hindsight... it explains Clu. Or at least some of Clu's actions." Tron winces, reflexively hunching to protect his chest, feeling a phantom blade carve in again. Sam's hand on his arm brings him back to the now quicker than he would on his own (Beck, where's Beck-). "I was genuinely concerned he'd given you my name too."

"He tried." Sam tells him, and Tron's core sinks. Sam deserves better than to be saddled with that- "Mom overruled him. Gave me her dad's name instead and claimed family tradition. How true that is... I don't know. Never met that side of the family, or at least I don't remember."

"Your mother-" Tron takes a fraction of a picocycle to process this new User word, identifying within an error margin of 0.379% that it relates to the Jordan Flynn told him about, "-was an amazing woman, with the patience to put up with Flynn's antics and the strength to not let him get away with too many of them."

That startles a laugh out of Sam, and Tron smiles as best he can too. Sam's joy is infectious (rather like someone else Tron... knew, ow that hurts, leave that topic alone).

"Yeah." Sam murmurs, once the laughter fades. "Yeah, I bet she was." They sit in silence for a while, Program and User, contemplative and companionable.

"We were about to start work in Argon, right?" Sam doesn't question why Tron wants the desolate, burned ruins of a little port town restored, trusting there to be a good reason for this diversion of resources to a place that shouldd be low on the priority list. "Anything major to change there?"

"Nothing named after me, but..." Tron steeples his hands, the way he always does when nervous. "Could we... adjust the main square?"

"What to?"

"A memorial garden and park." Tron looks at the energy shimmering in his glass. Sam's been adding these relaxation spaces, indignant about the lack of peaceful areas to rest, and introduced plants for both the novelty and calm they bring. "Three connected but separate areas."

"Easy." Sam tells him confidently, and he's right now the jitters have subsided. "What would you like them named?"

"Renegade Park." Tron answers immediately, sure of it. "One garden for Beck, the other for Bodhi." Even now, he remembers. Beck had talked at length about Bodhi - the Ram to Beck's Tron, if Tron had to compare it. "...and maybe name an office block for Cyrus. That one's... something of an in-joke as well as a memorial."

Sam smiles at him, and for a moment Tron sees another adored fluffy-haired menace in his place. "I'll see what I can do."

Kevin: I can’t believe you didn’t get the hint. Like, I made so many things because you wanted them. I named tons of stuff after you. Like, Tron Cycles the unit of time, your Tron Tower, in Tron City, in the Tron system-

Tron: The what.

Kevin: This is the Tron system. That’s its official name in the source files, haven’t you seen?

Tron: KEVIN.

Kevin: What? I thought you’d like it!

Tron: There is a point where it goes past flattery and into terrifying!

Kevin: I’d say I should’ve stopped at the city, but obviously the system came first… Oh yeah, and I keep calling Alan ‘Tron’. Hehe, get it, because I thought you were Alan that first time and now the shoe’s on the other foot-

Tron: *faints*

(Later)

Sam logging in: Samuel T. Flynn.

Tron: what does the T stand for

Sam: Timothy. Why?

Tron: oh thank god

[ineveryspaceandtime]

miles truly does love music SO fucking much and he expresses it in the most beautiful ways. like how he throws himself into all sorts of projects, whether it's something he's initiated/was involved in from the conception (like w the puppets and the upcoming mk and the evils) or something he's been invited to collaborate on—regardless of whether this means he's working w big names or lesser known artists—or even just the way he supports & celebrates other musicians. you can see that he delights in all of these; it's so clear that he does it all purely for the love of music. and that's why i find it incredibly upsetting when he's written off as a flop just bc he doesn't enjoy the same level of success as a certain other act. it's awful that to this day, people still have such a narrow definition of success, that they refuse to see beyond sales or charts and that they can't at the least acknowledge that miles is someone who pursues his passion. like yeah i'm certain that he has goals for himself that he hasn't yet achieved, but that hasn't stopped him! bc year after year he still puts everything he has into whatever he does, and he does so wholeheartedly. his work ethic is genuinely inspiring. i just wish people could see that.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In the world of heavy metals, love is denser than hate!

[funeralprocessor]

I feel like the Primaris should have been the catalyst for like, an imperial civil war. At the very least, much unrest in the house of Guilliman. Their existence, let alone rollout/integration, should have had many chapters absolutely rioting. It should be beyond the pale by several orders of magnitude and be seen as an enormous overreach by the more autonomy loving chapters, a blasphemy by the more orthodox chapters, and an existential threat to chapters with geneseed quirks. Plus anyone with any awareness of the thunder warriors should take one look at them and recognize the writing on the wall. Guilliman should absolutely recognize what they represent, what they imply. Like they're the leading wave of a paradigm shift that doesn't bode well for what came before. And I say this as someone who's not averse to Primaris, I just think they could've, should've, been a waaaay bigger deal. I know they loathe changing the status quo and we're never getting rid of the posterboys but I think we missed out on something interesting.

[misterxsamsa]

I really like everything OP said here, and I'm adding on my own thoughts, because I love this little freak, and I've gotten very inspired by everything this person said. [ADDENDUM: Okay, OP got upset at me in the replies over this one, so I'll just clarify that not everything I say is a direct reflection of what they think, or what their post is trying to convey. I'd normally just trust that you guys would be able to see that with your eyes, and understand that I like showing off anything people have to say about Jimmy, regardless of what that is, but they have spoken.] [It sucks, because I was following them, and I genuinely did really like their post, there's no one concrete Jimmy interpretation to me, and I love hearing people's thoughts, but I guess not everyone's on my wavelength about that kinda stuff. Whoops!] I've always seen him as being predisposed to dark thoughts, violent tendencies, and sexual predation, not only because of trauma we're not privy to, but because he has a craving for control and power.

We know that before encountering Johnny he was relatively passive, even non-confrontational despite the ridicule he'd get from others. All of the anger he felt was kept internal, since he was too cowardly to act upon anything. However, Johnny and his violence towards others gave him the image of this perfect power fantasy, since he's everything that Jimmy wishes he could have for himself: respect, dominance, a brooding image. That's all just fantasy, but Johnny's a real guy, so seeing him partaking in all that made it look attainable to Jimmy, hence the instant obsession.

You can see how this makes them different as killers, since they're fundamentally driven by different things. Johnny kills for a variety of reasons, ranging from anger to sexual gratification, but it can come down to simple boredom and uncontrollable compulsion for him too. However, Jimmy's only driven by power and control. Yes, he thrives off attention from others, but he's looking for a specific kind of attention that allows him to feel power and control, and he gets that from hurting others, and being the scary killer-dude on the news and whatnot, basically rising above his station as the awkward, lanky goth kid that nobody liked in high-school.

As for his obsession with Johnny, I think the basis on which that's founded upon is deeply interesting. Yes, he's projecting all of his hopes and dreams onto this stranger, but he's really not wrong about them being similar. I think what makes Johnny such a cathartic image for Jimmy is that he's everything that he wishes he could be, while having all of his same flaws. They're both self-indulgent, self-pitying, probably depressed, and consumed by misanthropy. I think the fact that they share all the same shortcomings allows Jimmy to romanticize those parts of himself, rather than confronting those things for what they really are.

I think at his core, Jimmy's probably consumed by a lot of repressed self-hatred, considering the fact that he's vacated his own identity in its entirety, in favor of LARPing as somebody else. Through Johnny, not only is he trying to find the friendship and companionship he's severely lacking, but he's hoping somebody else can see something worthwhile inside of him. He doesn't even seem angry, nor does he fight back when he realizes Johnny's going to kill him, he just looks very sad and scared. Look at that face! Mind you, he's huge compared to Johnny, and probably stronger, so if Devi succesfully kicked Johnny's ass I'm sure Jimmy could have done the same. However, his positive feelings towards Johnny are very genuine, even if they're founded on a dysfunctional basis.

However, as OP noted, there are a lot of ways that Johnny and Jimmy are extremely different, and most interestingly, despite all of his immaturity there are things Jimmy has over Johnny. Particularly, he takes himself a lot less seriously, and doesn't need to find as many justifications and ego barriers for his actions, as he thrives purely off of villainizing himself for the power and control that gives. He's able to see that Johnny is a violent asshole wallowing in his own self-induced misery, and while he phrases it in a very half-formed, juvenile, Jimmy-esque way it's a true observation nonetheless. I see Jimmy as being a very direct and honest person, though that's probably less through virtue, and more just out of a tendency to report on himself due to a lack of social awareness. However, he likes Johnny anyways, there are an infinite amount of layers to the dynamics between these two, it makes me insane.

Here's something I never hear talked about in relation to these two though, and that's the fact that Jimmy has been stalking Johnny for literal years. He says that he started in what would chronologically fall in Issue #1, since he saw him mass-murdering at the Taco Hell. Well, we know that Issue #1 takes place two years before Issue #2 at minimum because Psychodoughboy forms two years before Mr. Eff according to the Director's Cut biographies. It's implied that the rest of the issues occur over a much smaller timeframe, nevertheless, it's safe to assume that Jimmy's been watching him for a long time. I wonder what he thought of Devi, seeing her escape...

Honestly, I could go on about this guy forever, but he's got so many facets for what amounts to a one-off strawman character. He's incredibly socially unaware and oblivious to that fact, yet he's able to succesfully speak in the same flowery prose as Johnny, and accurately point out his flaws, and craft his own weapons, and get away with murder without any of the supernatural aid that Johnny receives, and that's so so interesting!

My views on this 👇 weird gross freak

I’m just gonna blabber on. Also I’m like reallyyy bad at explaining things and using my words, so if you see anything where you’re like “?” You can just ask and I’ll explain. I know I’m nonsensical but that’s part of the fun. Decoding sacred writings that are actually just a shopping list. ANYWAYS.

I think he does have similarities to Johnny, but what they have different is so different that it entirely negates the similarities. They’re very different individuals. Jimmy in my views, is someone who very much wants friendship. Connection to others, he yearns for it. It’s his main motivator. He cares so much about what others think of him, and wants all the attention. Most things he does I believe are for the attention of others. However there’s obviously some wrong shit in his head. Very wrong shit. These things make him turn to violence and other disgusting things, he’s infatuated with them, and by extension, those who commit said acts. Really their only similarities are violence, and seclusion. But Jimmy is excluded by force, he doesn’t want to be, he wants to be apart of everything

So he sees Johnny, and projects his own shit onto him. So he kinda views Johnny the way a sad internet teen views their comfort character. He also sees Johnny as a way out, a way out of his seclusion. He thinks they’ll relate to eachother and be best friends, obviously that’s not how it goes. But he looked up to Johnny, and genuinely truly thought they were the same. Seeing him as a role model who would help him, someone who would view himself the way he views Johnny. He thought they were on the same page when they were not. Instead of being viewed as something relatable and in need of help that Johnny could give, he was viewed as a delusional idiotic pest and a disgusting creature. Their motivations are entirely different is what I’m trying to say I suppose

I believe Jimmy doesn’t realize how crazy he is bc people just can’t tolerate his presence. So he doesn’t know what’s normal since he’s never been around normal for long. I also think he finds a lot of things boring, except for violence, because violence can be whatever you want it to be. Something funny, something sexual, something artsy, whatever. It can be an outlet for whatever you want. So I think that’s why he was drawn to that instead of other outlets, also because of a natural anger and frustration upon being treated differently and exiled from society. It’s a process with multiple steps 1) he’s already prone to violent thoughts like some people are 2) he uses violence to cope with feelings of isolation and his anger towards those who caused that for him 3) it becomes a “cure all” for all his feelings. And of course, violence expands to other things. Like sexual violence (to be clear, I don’t think Jimmy is a good guy. I just like thinking too hard about characters that has 3 pages worth of content)

I see Jimmy as the kind of guy to join internet groups and forums, searching for community, only for him to get banned and hated on. This is due to him not knowing how to behave correctly, and not really caring to know. He views this as people hating him for being different and hating him just as a person. When no dude, you say edgy fucked up shit and see no issues with it. I think all his violence and behavior and yearning is all subconscious btw. I don’t think he knows why he acts the way he does, he just sees it as who he is, which is why he takes rejection so hard. He doesn’t realize change is an option and he doesn’t even know what to change, as he doesn’t know what’s him, and whats a wayward response to his emotions.

He joins these communities, acts how he does, gets banned, and never reflects on himself. Because that’s hard to do, and I assume he’d be like this for awhile, so it would turn more into a fucked up routine of his. He’s trapped in it. I think when it comes to him in the…idk goth community, how he has the name “Darkness” and dresses like that, I think this is just another attempt of his to find community. But it doesn’t work bc I don’t think he’d care much about it. I think he was drawn to it bc ooo edgy and all, and he sees them talking about death and all that, and he misunderstands it all. He thinks people genuinely are as violent as he is, so he takes all talks of death and edgy whatevers entirely seriously, while for others it’s more of a poetic and aesthetic thing. He doesn’t understand why death obsessed goths aren’t out killing people themselves. I think he chose the name Darkness bc it sounded like other names in the community and no one he knew had taken it yet. Also bc he’s like “ohhh I’m so dark and evilll”. He didn’t put much thought into it, because he doesn’t care much for the community, and the reason he doesn’t care is bc he doesn’t understand why they say things he thinks but are nothing like him. Like I just said for them it’s poetry and something interesting and different, but for him that’s his normal. I worded this as best as I could it still don’t make sense. I need a whiteboard

He’d view himself as evil bc he is naturally inclined to awful and dark things and he doesn’t know why. I believe though it’s a mix of nature and nurture

TLDR…Jimmy is predisposed to dark thoughts and violent urges, and him being isolated due to not knowing how to act right makes his dark shit get worse and worse since his views on what’s normal keep getting foggier and foggier. And he projects onto Johnny, someone who’s also violent and isolated, and takes comfort in his imagined version of him. Only to die realizing the one person he could find company in and get help from and understanding from, hated him just as much as anyone else. No one’s reading all this shit bro wtf am I DOINGGG.

This is very messy and general. I’m kinda just talking to myself here so that I can further investigate these thoughts deeper. Also I like yammering

[frogaroundandfindout]

Nightwing tells Batman he’s going to be a cop and Batman wonders what more he can do as Bruce Wayne (Detective Comics #725)

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Everything Under the Moon

Anthology of queer reimaginings of fairytales by mostly Australian authors

various genres, from contemporary to fantasy and sci-fi, mostly about older teens

mlm, sapphic, trans, nonbinary, demi, bi ace, and aromantic characters, some stories focusing on romance but many on familial relationships and siblings

[possiblyfunny]

Hey, look guys, more art-

HOPE.

I’ve been wanting to draw him like this ever since I first saw him smile, but my will to draw eluded me until now! This started off as a doodle, so, please excuse the messiness. I drew this to de-stress.

“Fire” Red belongs to @creatively-cosmic. They have a blog called @themissingnumbers, which is really good! Go check it out if you want to see more.

[Sketch + Colored Version below the cut!]

[sonknuxadow]

they werent lying that knuckles series barely has knuckles in it

[murderofravens]

need more art of toji sugu and kento with a woc.. i am starved