#sam idealizes dean and dean wishes he was more like sam

[lily4731]

Just me thinking about 'A Single Man Tear' from SPN's episode 'Fanfiction' and the opposition between how Sam describes Dean and how Dean describes himself..

He shows emotion without a trace

He hides behind a mask so strong

Worried that he could be wrong

I wish that he could see the way I see him

The perfect brother, a man without sin

Cause underneath the manly sheen

It is my brother, a boy named Dean

[...]

I bury feelings, don’t show I care

Even though I am haunted, must be the man daddy wanted

Wish I could be as strong as Sam

Blaze my own trail, be my own man

But underneath this broken mask

It is my father, with all his wrath

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Facetime

Masterlist

Summary: You and Dean facetime whenever he goes on a hunt, but things go south when he and Sam are miles away

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader 

Rating: R for language, violence

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: language, blood, violence, torture, hostage situation, implied nudity, injured reader, mind control, starts off fluffy but gets real dark real quick, reader is a fan of Chris Evans

Author’s Note: This is loosely based on a dream I had and I know this gif is Dean looking at a coffee maker, but if you squint the coffee maker looks like a laptop :) Also, I don’t usually use capital letters (intentionally, but for no particular reason) but I thought I’d see how my writing looks with capital letters.

gif source

“Dean I don’t think your mic’s working,” You furrowed your brows in frustration, trying to tell him you couldn’t hear a word he was saying.

“Yeah it was off, that makes sense,” He laughed lightly. You smiled, happy to hear his voice and see his face. Sam and Dean had been on this hunt for nearly four days at this point and you missed your boyfriend so much it was driving you crazy. 

You weren’t much of a hunter; you preferred to keep a safe distance and help with research, instead of picking up a machete and chopping up vampires. Dean knew you preferred to stay home and he was happy with you being out of the line of fire. He’d hate himself if he let you get hurt on a hunt, you were his everything.

It was hard, though. You lived in the bunker but you still didn’t spend as much time with Dean as you would’ve liked to. You wanted to be with him each night instead of falling asleep to either his music playing on vinyl or his voice over the phone if you were lucky enough to be in the same time zone. Most of the time you’d go days without hearing his voice. 

That was until Sam had the brilliant (but blatantly obvious, you couldn’t believe you hadn’t come up with it) idea of you and Dean facetiming while doing research for the case; as opposed to just texting each other important details. 

“So, what’re you hunting?” You asked. Your laptop was set up next to your phone which is what you were calling Dean from. You were seated in the library and eager to help however you could. 

“Sam’s thinking a god,” Dean sighed. “He’s out getting the food.”

“And you’re doing the research?” You laughed. 

“Well, I wanted to talk with you, and see that beautiful face of yours,” He smirked. “Sammy can do the actual research when he gets back, should be soon.”

“I miss you,” You smiled, he did the same.

“I miss you, too, hun. How’re you doing? Cas is gonna get back home tomorrow morning so you won’t have the whole bunker to yourself for much longer.”

“It’s really lonely,” You laughed wryly. “As an introvert, I swore never to say this, but I kinda wish more people lived here.”

“Yeah, I know it’s... it’s not ideal,” He gave you a sympathetic look. “Y’know there’s a library in town you could go to if you don’t wanna be alone.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna head over there. I don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight, I’m really starting to go stir-crazy!” 

“Wanna stay on the phone while you drive over there?” Dean asked hopefully.

“Of course!” You emphasized. “I’m so happy I finally get to talk to you for the first time today! I’m just gonna change into something more presentable real quick.”

“It’s 2pm on a Tuesday and you’re going to a public library; who are you thinking you might run into?” He teased lightly.

“Hey if I go not looking my best and Chris Evans just happens to be there I would kick myself!” You replied honestly. “Gimme a second.” You put the phone on your dresser and faced it away from where you would be changing.

“Y/n, I’ve seen you naked, you can change in front of me!” He sighed dramatically when you didn’t respond right away. “C’mon, I miss you!”

“You only get to see these boobs when you hurry up, finish that case, and get your ass back here!” You called out to him as you got dressed.

“That’s no fair,” Dean whined. You finished getting dressed pretty quickly and grabbed your phone off your dresser and your purse off your desk before you left the room.

“Okay I’m heading out now,” You smiled at your phone as you walked up to the entrance of the bunker.

“Which car are you taking?” Dean asked. 

“Mine; it’s parked outside, not in the garage. why?”

“Just wanna know you’ll be safe getting there. A lot of the cars in the garage tend to break down at random,” He replied. You hopped into your car and set your phone on the stand that was attached to the front window. 

“Ah, shit,” You winced suddenly, your hands now pressed against your temples. “De, something’s wrong-” You croaked out. Your head felt like it was going to explode as your vision began getting blurry. 

“Y/n? Y/n, talk to me! What’s happening,” Dean exclaimed, his voice ripe with panic. 

The pounding in your head suddenly stopped as your vision went black and you passed out. 

Your head was throbbing as you woke up. You tried bringing your hands to your head but then realized you were tied to a chair. You then also realized you were wearing nothing but a bra and your boy-short panties. 

“What the fuck,” You mumbled to yourself. You tightened your fists and pulled against the restraints.

“It’s no use, y/n,” A voice behind you announced. “You’re not going anywhere anytime soon. who knows, you might even die here.”

**

“Y/n? Y/n!” Dean exclaimed. He was completely panicking as he watched your car door open and someone pull you out of the driver’s seat. 

“Dean Winchester!” The man picked up the cell phone and showed Dean his face; complete with hideous black eyes. “Looks like I now have the thing you care about most,” The demon laughed. 

“You son of a bitch,” Dean screamed. “You hurt her and I swear I will-”

“What? What’re you gonna do Dean? Kill me? You don’t know where I’m taking her and I’m dumping this meat suit before you get the chance to figure out this guy’s name. No, you can’t do anything, Dean. You are completely and utterly powerless. I have the bitch you seem to love so much, and there’s nothing you can do.”

“What do you want?” Dean seethed through gritted teeth. He slammed his fist on the table next to him. “What do you fucking want?”

“To watch you suffer,” The demon smirked then hung up.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean screamed. He grabbed the chair he was sitting on and threw it to the side in frustration.

“Dean, what the hell?” Sam exclaimed. He had walked in right as the chair hit the wall. “I take a little too long getting the burgers and you start breaking the furniture?” He laughed lightly. 

“Y/n,” Dean shouted. “A demon has y/n!”

“What the fuck? How? When?” Sam’s eyes widened.

“Just now, we- we were facetiming and she was gonna go to the library- and she- it just took her Sam- I-” Tears welled in Dean's eyes as he looked at his younger brother with desperation. 

**

“What do you want from me?” You asked the demon. He was now kneeling in front of you as he toyed with your hair. 

“Nothing, sweetheart,” He smiled wickedly. “You see, you are very important to Dean Winchester; I hate Dean Winchester. I want him to suffer. Having you locked up in here is the easiest way to torture him. He’ll find you eventually, I’m sure, but you’ll be so broken and beaten you won’t ever be the same. You’ll never be his cheerful y/n again. You’ll be worn down by what I'm going to do to you, you’re not going to want to be anywhere near him. And that will break his heart beyond repair - that will be the ultimate torture. I'll be known as the demon who destroyed Dean Winchester’s will to live.”

“You’re wrong,” You whispered. “Dean cares about me, sure, but losing me isn’t gonna break him, you idiot! He'll be over me within a few months then he will hunt you down and tear you limb from limb.”

“Maybe,” The demon shrugged. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see how long it takes him to get over you.” He pulled a knife out of his back pocket and plunged it into your thigh. You screamed in pain as tears streamed down your face. You looked down at the blood now dripping down your thigh then looked back up.

“D-Dean?” You whispered. “Wh-What’s going on?” Your head was spinning as you tried to focus on the man in front of you. “Dean! Dean, you found me?”

“Yeah, hun, it’s me,” The demon held your face with his hands. 

“H-Help me out of here,” You quivered, confused as to why Dean was so calm. He shook his head, smiled, then gripped the knife and twisted it. “Y-You’re not Dean!”

“Of course I am, y/n! And I'm so happy I finally get to show you how I really feel about you,” He smiled. He took the knife out and pressed it against your left breast. “You know I never really cared much about you, you’re just an easy lay.”

“You’re not Dean,” You closed your eyes tightly. “Dean loves me.”

“Awe, that’s really sweet y/n, but of course I'm Dean! And I wouldn’t say I love you, more like I love having my own pathetic fucktoy handy at all times,” He patted your cheek. “I mean, let’s face it; all we do when I'm not hunting is have sex! Why else would I want you living with me?”

“That’s- That’s not true!” You whispered, more to yourself than to the monster posing as the love of your life. “We have movie nights, we bake pie, we have dinner together, we-”

“Do we?” He touched your temple with two fingers. “Dean never did any of that with you.”

“Y-You never did any of that with me,” You mumbled.

**

“Days, Sam! It's been days!” Dean shouted. “Y/n is still with that fucking demon!”

“I know it’s been days, Dean but you need to sleep. Just four hours; recharge and come back with a clear head.”

“Do you think y/n is able to sleep? Or have a second of peace or quiet! She is being tortured by a demon, because of me!”

“Cas will be back with some information in a few hours, until then you should sleep,” Sam suggested. “Look, we’ve done all we can for right now, you’re no use to y/n if you’re too tired to function!”

Before Dean could protest, his phone rang and he answered; “Hello?”

“Dean Winchester,” the voice replied.

“Yes? Who is this?”

“I’m the demon that’s got y/n,” He replied. Dean could hear the smirk in his voice.

“I swear to God I will find you and-”

“And you’ll kill me, blah, blah, blah; you’ve said that before. I'm just calling to let you know you can have her back. I'll text you the address.” The demon hung up.

“What-” Dean brought his phone down, confused. “That was the demon, he said he’s texting me the address where y/n is,” He told Sam.

“What? That makes no sense?”

“Yeah, but he wasn’t lying,” Dean held up his phone and showed Sam the text. 

“It’s definitely a trap, right?”

“Doesn't matter, let's go; we can meet Cas there.”

“Dean, that's at least a six-hour drive; let me drive so you can sleep,” Sam offered. Dean was ridiculously tired and he knew he wasn’t at his full strength so he decided to take a nap on the way.

**

“Y/n! Oh my god!” Dean exclaimed when he walked into the dark warehouse and saw you tied to the chair.

“Sam?” You breathed out. “Cas?” You smiled slightly, barely lifting your head. 

“Hey- Hey hun,” Dean crouched down and held your face.

“What, now you’re all sweet?” You scoffed, then looked past him and up at his younger brother. “Sam, please help me! Dean, he- he did this to me.”

“What? No! No, no, I would never! I love you," Dean stuttered, not taking his eyes off you. He untied your right hand and you punched the side of his head, which caused him to fall to the side. 

“Cas! Please! You guys have to believe me!”

“It's okay, you’re safe now,” Cas came up to you. He put two fingers on your forehead and healed you. “We’re gonna take you home, okay?”

“Okay,” You replied as the angel untied you. Sam looked around for your clothes and, surprisingly, found them off to the side and folded neatly. Cas helped you up as Sam handed you your jeans and shirt, and you happily put them on. Dean was standing up at this point, but he just stood there; silent tears falling as he looked at you. 

“Y/n- Hun, please- please tell me you know this wasn’t me!” He whispered, you looked over at him. “Please you- you know it was a demon!”

“Oh and where is this demon now, Dean?” You asked flatly, Dean stayed silent. “You know, I fucking trusted you!” Tears escaped your eyes and you brushed them away quickly. You continued, gritting your teeth in anger, “I hate you.” 

“Let’s get you home,” Sam interrupted, he knew Dean didn’t do this and he needed to figure out how to make you know too. You nodded and followed Castiel out the door, Sam followed you and, after a moment, Dean did too.

Cas opened the back door for you while Sam opened the passenger door. 

“Sam, can you drive?” You asked him quietly. “Please? I know you don’t believe me about Dean, but I don't trust him; please don’t let him drive.”

“Sweetheart, I-” Dean started, overhearing what you said to Sam.

“Don’t you dare call me that,” You hissed and pointed your finger at him with anger. You turned back to Sam, “If it was up to me, I’d say cuff him; but at least don’t let him be the fucking driver!” With that, you hopped in the back seat, Cas doing the same after you.

Dean took the demon cuffs out of his back pocket and handed them to Sam before holding his hands behind him.

“Seriously?” Sam scoffed.

“I want her to feel safe,” Dean replied. “Well, as safe as she can feel while I'm still in proximity.” Sam nodded and cuffed his older brother before they both got into the car; Sam in the driver’s seat.

**

“You really don’t believe me?” You practically screamed. You were all back at the bunker and Sam was refusing to lock Dean up in the dungeon.

“It's not that I don’t believe you-”

“Then do something!”

“Sam, Dean, can I talk to you?” Cas asked and the three went around the corner, you huffed to yourself and sat at the war room table. “There’s something really wrong with y/n.”

“Yeah, Cas, we can tell,” Dean replied.

“No, I mean, really wrong! When I healed her at the warehouse, I could feel something pushing back.”

“What do you think that means?” Sam asked.

“I think we need to call Crowley. He’s had a soft spot for y/n for a while now, maybe he’ll know what’s wrong.”

“Yeah, great! Let another demon get their hands on her,” Dean scoffed sarcastically.

“Crowley isn’t just ‘another demon’ Dean; he might be able to reverse whatever’s happened here!” Castiel retorted. 

“Fine, fine we’ll give him a call,” Dean sighed. The three of them walked back around the corner but you weren’t sitting at the table anymore. “Y/n?” Dean called out, beginning to panic.

Sam rushed outside while Dean checked your bedroom and Cas checked the garage.

“Y/n, what’re you doing?” Dean asked. You frantically threw clothes into your duffle and didn’t answer him. “Sweet- Uh, sorry- y/n please,” Dean stumbled over his words.

“I’m leaving Dean, and I never want to see you again!” You exclaimed and tried to brush past him. He gently gripped your forearm to pull you back and your demeanor changed. “Please, please don’t hurt me,” You whispered; tears welled in your eyes as Dean’s widened. He let go of you and put his hands up, backing away.

“No, no I- I’m not going to hurt you, y/n, I wanna help you,” He said calmly. “We all do. Please, don’t go.”

“Why are you being so sweet now, I don’t understand,” You let the tears fall. “Is it just cause of Sam and Cas? Is that it? You’d like to take out your knife and get back to work but you don’t want your baby brother and your best friend to see you torturing me?”

“I- I don’t know what to say, y/n,” He replied, also letting tears fall. “I swear that was not me!”

“Right, right it was a demon,” You scoffed. “Seriously, Dean? The least you could do is own up to what you did, for fuck’s sake! But I guess I should’ve seen this coming, huh?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You only ever cared about my body, Dean! Was just a matter of time before you got bored and used what Alastair taught you!”

“What? Y/n we’ve known each other for ten years, we’ve only been dating the last two! We didn’t even sleep together the first four months because we wanted to take it slow; do you not remember any of this?”

“Does this actually work on people?” You laughed. “You fake a few tears, look at them with lost puppy eyes, and try to make them believe such ridiculous lies?”

“Y/n!” Castiel called out from behind you. He had checked the garage and when he didn’t see you there he decided to check the kitchen and then head over to your bedroom.

“Castiel, please get me out of here!” You hurried to his side. “Dean won’t let me leave!”

“No- I-” Dean tried to protest but then just shook his head in defeat, not wanting to make things worse.

“We have a working theory going about what happened,” Cas lied to you. “We think Dean may have been possessed before, and the demon that possessed him may still be looking for you. You should stay here in the bunker where it’s safe, okay?”

“Okay, Cas, I trust you,” You clung to his arm, still terrified of Dean. 

“Dean, why don’t you get Sam and meet me in the dungeon in a few minutes,” Cas asked him. “Y/n, you can stay in your room until we know more.”

**

It took Crowley a couple of days to figure out what the demon did but once he did, he called Dean and was summoned to the bunker.

“It’s a hex bag,” He said before his trademark, “Hello, boys.”

“A hex bag? Where?” Sam asked. “She’s changed clothes, we’re nowhere near the warehouse-”

“According to Frank-” 

“Frank? The demon’s name is Frank?” Dean scoffed.

“Yes,” Crowley rolled his eyes. “Anyway, Frank said he carved it into her thigh.”

“Good Lord,” Sam muttered. 

“How do we get it out?” Dean asked Crowley. “We can’t just cut back into her!”

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do,” Crowley replied.

“No! She’s already terrified we can’t-”

“I can put her to sleep,” Castiel suggested. “She shouldn’t feel a thing.”

“Well, let’s get this over with,” Crowley walked out of the dungeon and over to your room.

“What’s he doing here?” You glared at Dean when the four men entered your bedroom. You had been seated on your couch reading when Crowley knocked and opened the door.

“Dean, maybe you should wait outside,” Sam told him quietly. Dean nodded slightly and backed out of the room.

**

“She’s asking for you,” Sam smiled a little, walking into the library to find Dean downing another glass of whiskey.

“Seriously!? She wants to see me?” He practically jumped out of the chair and then hurried to your room. He took a deep breath and opened your door.

You were at the edge of your bed with one knee tucked against you. When Dean entered, you looked at him with tear-stained eyes and let a quiet sob leave your lips. 

“I’m so sorry,” You whispered. “De, I’m so, so sorry!”

“No, no, no it’s- none of this is your fault,” He hurried to your side but hesitated to wrap his arms around you. “Can I… Can I hug you? Please?”

“Of course,” You replied and wrapped your arms around him when he held you. “I love you so much, Dean, I’m so sorry I believed the demon.”

“It’s not your fault, it was a hex bag,” He kissed the crown of your head. “You didn’t have a choice.”

“I know, but I should’ve been able to snap out of it!” You protested. “I mean, these hands,” You took his left hand and held it, kissing his palm gently. “I love these hands, how could I have believed that they, that you hurt me?” You kissed his hand again then looked up at him. “I’m sorry, for what I said.”

“It’s okay,” He kissed your forehead. “I’m just glad you’re okay, that you’re back.” The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while before Dean asked you, “How are you feeling?”

“Physically? Fine. Emotionally? Fucking terrible,” You replied, squeezing Dean tighter. “I keep getting these like flashbacks about what the demon did, and in a lot of the memories the demon still looks like you.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart, that sounds awful!”

“Yeah,” You sighed. “I'll be okay though, I’ve got you.”

[aliusfrater]

i’m like. so sure you’ve probably addressed this before but there’s been a popular topic on tt recently pertaining to john and favoritism of all three of his sons, particularly about how dean is least favored and i am just. simply not buying it since an alarming amount of people seem to have the impression that john didn’t even give two fucks about his kids, so i just wanted to hear your thoughts on that!

fundamentally petty discourse filtered through a dean perspective bias. it's fundamental to sam and dean's (and their conjoined relationship dynamic vs adam's) dynamic as foils that they're both jealous yet not entirely privy to the dynamics of their respective relationships with john while also having quite views that are quite warped through apologia, guilt, or as mentioned, their respective dynamics with him—failed parentification and relative codependency vs infantalisation and isolation (they're both neglect but are fundamentally different kinds. it's where, i think, the idea of john as Figure is foundational within). i don't really know how to answer this ask without straight up summerising episodic plot points except to give you a watchlist: the entirety of seasons one and two, 3.01, 3.08, 3.14, 4.13, 4.19 (i, ii), 4.21, 4.22, 5.06, 5.11, 5.13, 5.16, 6.02, 7.11, 7.12, 7.14, 7.19, 11.08, 11.12, 11.22, 12.04, 13.04, 14.13, and feel free to add more if you find this list to be missing john exploration or hauntings.

like dean's role within the winchester familial dynamic has largely to do with the fact that he was the perfect soldier, the perfect weapon, the perfect extension of john and he fit that role for john's sake; the jacket, the music, his hair, and the impala are all aspects of his emulation of john. much of sam's relationship with john (and his role) has to do with his inability to fit within the parameters of their relationship that john expects/wants/needs. dean's dialogue (1.08, "and then within five minutes, you guys will be at each other's throats.") as well as specific scenes in season one (1.21, "you were just pissed you couldn't control me anymore!") establishes that sam and john's arguments are a fundamental aspect of their relationship dynamic while dean's obedience defined his and john's relationship. season one explores these factors as well as the idea of sam and dean's redeveloping relationship changes the way both think of their respective relationships with john; dean was very well aware of the differences in how he and sam were treated and he placed the blame of much of it on the child (sam) in the parent/child relationship (john and sam) (1.08, "i seem to recall a few choice phrases comin' out of your mouth." / "well, it's a two-way street, dude.") which affected sam's budding guilt complex about his and john's relationship while sam is very well aware of the impossibility of several aspects of dean's relationship with john (1.18, "you were just a kid.") and eventually gives dean his own agency to stand up to john like sam did (1.11, "you stand up to dad. and you always have. hell, i wish i—" / 1.21, "although i'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. i'm sorry."). in the same vein, john and dean chronically isolated sam from their own family dynamic while dean never fully understood sam's perspective in that, his resulting desire for a life outside of hunting, and conflict this caused between sam and john (largely in favour of john's pov) which results in a median lack of understanding of each other's relationships with john. this snowballs throughout the rest of the show, especially regarding sam and dean's own dynamic. the thing is that, both dean and sam initially saw, and to some degree still do and forever will see, the way they view their respective relationships with john as the ideal. sam wants to feel wanted and included by john while dean admires sam's rebellion and envies the outward care john demonstrated to sam as a pedestal of innocence; dean very often neglects to acknowledge sam's childhood experience from his own perspective (lots of examples, but is encapsulated within 11.08, "you weren't lonely you had me!") (and in other cases he was expresses resentment for his own) while sam, privy to dean's attempted parentification, accommodates to his (1.18 mentioned above and even his reaction to the events of 9.07 and 15.16).

it's fundamental that john loved his kids—he loved both these aspects of them both but it was also cause for his own abusive behaviour. he took advantage of his codependent relationship with dean, especially when it came to hunting and he othered and eventually entirely excluding sam from the family for having life goals that didn't centre hunting because he was scared of how he thought this inadvertently dangerous paranormal world would affect his children. this also circles back around to how and why i think he neglected adam. it's kind of fundamental to john's character that he loved his family because otherwise the abuse sam and dean faced, and later, the dynamics of sam and dean's own dynamic, wouldn't work—which is why i've said time and time again that anyone who villainises or omits john's character will never fundamentally understand their familial dynamic. john's love for them is quite literally his driving motivation but there was straight up never any narrative exploration about a favourite: there was quite simply a difference in their respective childhood experiences because john loved them differently (largely based on their differing reactions to him as the parent as well as their circumstances).

[girls-alias]

Christmas Wish - Dean Winchester

Title: Christmas Wish - Dean Winchester Words: 2,959 Relations: Dean Winchester X reader. TW: Christmas chapter.

I walked with my friend in the mall. We were doing last-minute shopping for Christmas when we stumbled upon the mall fountain. She chuckled bringing my attention to it. It had been decorated for Christmas with a big sign explaining that throwing a coin into the fountain and making a wish would come true on Christmas day. She's superstitious so she pulled two coins from her pocket, a wide smile on her face. I accepted one of the coins reluctantly with a sad smile. I know exactly what I'm going to wish for, it's the same thing I always wish for.

I held the coin tightly, putting my heart and soul into the wish. Mentally begging it to come true. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I wish Dean would find me," I thought to myself before throwing the coin and watching as it sunk to the bottom of the fountain floor. I sighed knowing that this wish was no different from all the other times I had wished. Just like always I knew I was going to be let down. Dean Winchester was the one who got away.

It was a classic case of the right person but the wrong time. Dean and I had been hunting together when Sam was in college, we were somewhat young and irresponsible but we were a team. After 2 years we finally started dating, it was perfect, it was natural and amazing. We only experienced it for a month before his dad disappeared and Dean had to ask Sam for help. We tried long distance for a little while but with both of us constantly hunting and Dean's new mission of finding the yellow-eyed demon, we didn't work out.

We agreed mutually that it was a bad time and it only hurt more knowing we were separate. We both cried, we told stories and all I needed was his arms around me, reassuring me but unfortunately, we had to do it over the phone as we were on opposite sides of the country.

I know I should forget about him and should have fully moved on in the 11 years since I've seen him but no man ever compares to him. He's ruined my views on relationships because I haven't had a single boyfriend as good as Dean. There was a time I stayed adamant to keep my phone number so he could always reach me but when I was fighting a small gang of vampires, my phone and SIM card were destroyed. It ruined me but it had been years since I had heard from him and so I should have let it go by that point.

My best friend woke up early to wave me off as I left. She doesn't know that I hunt monsters, she thinks I'm a pilot so it explains why I'm gone for weeks and sometimes months. It also gives me an excuse to not have a fixed address as I explained I would rather stay in hotels so that I don't have to pay for electricity in a house I won't be in. She's not the smartest person I know so it makes it a little easier lying to her. She'll believe anything.

My friend tried insisting that I stay for Christmas but monsters don't rest, I don't have time. It was the day before Christmas Eve when I left, much to her dismay. We'd already exchanged gifts and she's amazing. She knows I never buy new clothes so any holiday for exchanging gifts she gets me a new wardrobe. It comes in handy as I often get clothes ruined when I'm hunting but sometimes she gets me things I wouldn't be able to fight in.

I stopped in a motel in East Iowa, I had seen suspicious activity on the news which made me think it was a possible shapeshifter. They're a pain in the ass but someone's got to do it. I tried checking in, and getting a room for the night but they explained they were booked full for the next couple of days. Not ideal but I'll just have to live in my car for a little while.

The hunt was tedious, but it was quick as the shifter was sloppy and I killed the shifter in the early hours of Christmas morning. After living in my car, it soon became apparent I had an issue with my car. I had stopped in a diner car park, opening the bonnet to take a look. I soon came to the realisation I either had a leak in the coolant tank or a clogged heater core and so needed replacements. I asked in the diner if there were any mechanics open or somewhere I could get car parts on Christmas day. I was given the address and directions to a salvage yard that never seemed to close.

*********

I pulled up to the salvage yard, finding it was a house on the property. I stopped the car, assessing the house as I wondered if I should leave since they were probably celebrating Christmas and didn't want to disturb the owner. I sighed knowing I couldn't keep sleeping in my cold car. I climbed out of the car and approached the front door. I knocked lightly and checked the time on my watch making sure it wasn't too early to be knocking. The door opened to an older gentleman looking at me a little confused, I smiled politely.

"Hi, I just need some car parts. If it's not a good time, I can just go," I explained but he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Don't worry, you need a hand?" He asked but I shook my head.

"I'll be okay, I'm just having an issue with either my coolant tank or I have a clogged heating core so I'll just look for replacements," I explained but he nodded with a smile.

"I'll help, it might be easier finding it together," He explained, stepping inside to grab a jacket.

"Oh, you don't have to. I realise it's Christmas and you're probably celebrating with family," I explained but he chuckled.

"Nah, my two boys are out of state, we're not big on Christmas," He explained making me a little sad he was alone and I smiled sadly as I nodded.

"I totally get it, I don't have family so Christmas is just another day to me," I explained as he stepped out, leading me to the scrap cars.

“So you’re doing nothing today?” He asked as he popped the hood of a close by car. I chuckled as I did the same with another car.

“Yeah, I’ll be on the road again.” I shrugged. Happily getting my hands dirty as I checked the car.

“Well, why don’t you stay here? We may be strangers but I’ll cook you a warm meal.” He explained and I was touched by his sentiment.

“Maybe I will. I’m Y/N,” I explained, holding my hand out for him to shake. We didn’t care about the oil on our hands and shook them with a smile.

“Bobby,” he explained.

*******

Bobby and I had found the parts. He helped me install the parts and after letting the car run a while it was perfect. I tried paying Bobby but he refused. His argument was that I was making his Christmas more bearable.

We went inside, Bobby was wondering what to make for Christmas dinner as he hadn't prepared anything special. I walked into his lounge following him as he explained he would have a microwave meal.

"I don't mind having a microwave meal with you, I quite like them and I can always-" I stopped as I looked to the ceiling surprised. Bobby seemed to notice my silence as he turned around to look at me confused before following my line of sight. He seemed stunned silent as if he couldn't think of a lie. "You're a hunter too?" I asked, pointing to the devil trap painted onto the ceiling. He smiled happily.

"Thank God, I had no excuse ready." He chuckled, relaxing as he took a seat at his desk.

"Wait, You're a hunter and your name is Bobby. You don't know Dean Winchester, do you?" I asked it's a long shot but -

"Yeah, I practically raised him. Sam too. They're my boys I mentioned earlier." He explained a little confused before his eyes widened. "Y/N Y/L/N?" He asked. I was shocked he knew of me. Either Dean has talked about me in the past and he had a great memory or he's heard of me from someone else. Weird coincidence though. I nodded softly. His lips curled into a wide grin. "I've been looking for you for years!" He exclaimed excitedly shocking me as he jumped up to grab his phone.

"Looking for me why?" I asked, worry filling me as I wondered if this whole thing might be a trap.

"Sam asked me to track you down so you and Dean can meet again, he's never shut up about you. He thought you died," He explained as he started dialling the phone before freezing. "Do you want to see him?" He asked. I grinned at the news. Dean never stopped talking about me, he was looking for me. Oh my God. This can't be real. What are the odds?

"Yeah, I always wondered what happened to him," I replied playing it cool but inside I was doing cartwheels, dancing, hell, I was even doing back flips. Am I really going to see Dean again after all these years?

Bobby called Sam and explained that he found me and to bring Dean, we would get some food for making Christmas dinner. He excitedly explained he wanted to make it a real Christmas. Sam said it would be a few hours before they could get here, around 7PM but was more than happy to make the trip.

Bobby put me in charge of decorating as I helped him get everything from the attack and he was quick to leave to see what food he could get. I felt a mixture of anxiety and excitement as I remembered the Christmas wish I had made in the fountain, never believing it would actually come true. But here I am, decorating a stranger's house, food soon coming, Dean, the love of my life on his way. I worried about how he might react to seeing me. I worried I wouldn't be the same or maybe he wouldn't but I always knew he was the right person, wrong time but now might be the right time.

*******

Bobby was back after a few hours. Nowhere was open but picked up a menu from a restaurant that was open and happy to deliver. He helped me finish putting up the decorations before he shooed me off to dress nicer. I laughed as I went back to my car, deciding to move it to the back of the house so he wouldn't see it. He hasn't seen this car but I don't want him suspicious someone else is here. It might ruin the surprise. I changed into a nice dress my best friend had got me and mentally thanked her for getting it for me. I figured it would be good somewhere along the way if I had to work undercover but those kinds of jobs hardly ever come up.

*******

Bobby was more excited than me. He had given me a glass of whiskey for liquid luck but he soon tipped the bottom of my glass as I was taking a drink, the car was pulling in and he wanted me out of sight but for me to have finished my drink. He grabbed the glass from me and guided me to the dining room before closing the double doors with a wide smile.

I listened as Bobby greeted them at the door, my stomach doing flips as I heard Dean's voice. I took a deep breath, stabilising myself as I felt like I was dreaming.

"Hey, Bobby. Merry Christmas," Dean commented as he entered the room behind the double doors. I waited anxiously as I knew only the wooden doors were the only things separating us.

"Merry Christmas boys," I heard Bobby add with some shuffling sounds as if they were exchanging hugs. "I've got you some gifts under the tree but Dean, yours is in the dining room," Bobby explained.

"Thanks, Bobby. You didn't have to," Another voice explained happily and I knew it must be Sam. "We've got you a small bag of presents in the car," He added making Bobby chuckle.

"Thank you, I think Dean should get his first and then we can have a drink," Bobby explained, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

"We'll drink first," Dean seemed to shrug.

"Drinks after," Bobby insisted. There seemed to be a little silence before I heard footsteps approach the door. I took a deep breath, instantly worried and unsure how to stand. I decided to clasp my hands together and let them fall in front of me. The doors opened.

Standing in all his glory was Dean Winchester. The love of my life, the man I pined over for 11 years. He looked confused but as his eyes found mine he broke into a wide smile. He hurried to me. Engulfing me in a tight hug as he rocked us side to side slightly. I giggled as I hugged him back. My arms wrapped over his shoulders as he squeezed me tightly. I forgot how tall he actually was until he straightened up and lifted me off the floor for a second.

He buried his face into the crook of my neck, his smiling cheeks noticeable against my skin. He pulled away, his hands still on me as he didn't want to be far. "What are you doing here? You're alive, I can't believe you're alive. How did this happen?" He asked excitedly. I chuckled as I admired him. He hasn't changed for the worst, he's even more handsome than I remember, he's more rugged and definitely still the epitome of my type.

"I had car troubles, it was a complete coincidence," I explained as his smile never faded. He pulled me back into a hug making me chuckle. I hugged him back, squealing as he lifted me from the ground again and kept me up. He's still strong. God, if only he knew what he was doing to me. I noticed Bobby and a tall guy smiling as they watched us. "Hi, Sam. It's nice to meet you," I chuckled as Dean's grip didn't waver. He chuckled.

"Nice to meet you too," He added. Dean spun around so I was facing the other way. I heard the doors closing as he took one hand from around me to close the doors. I chuckled a little nervous as to why he wanted to be alone with me but it also made butterflies flutter in my stomach. He held me up with one arm, he didn't struggle and didn't seem to even consider putting me down.

Once the doors were closed, he put me down. His hands cupped my face as he admired my eyes. "I've been waiting for you," He explained, my insides turning to mush. I smiled.

"Me too," I added, he grinned at my words.

"Good," He swooped down, connecting our lips in a passionate kiss. I swooned as his lips graced mine. The kiss I had dreamed of for years. The kiss I had imagined so many times. The kiss no other compared to. He smiled against my lips as my hands move to the back of his neck to hold him close to me. One of his hands moved to my hip, pulling my body against his. I pulled away slowly when I heard Bobby and Sam snickering to themselves probably talking about us. Dean seemed reluctant to pull away.

"We can't just ignore them," I explained but he looked disappointed. I chuckled as I shook my head. "It's Christmas," I added so he playfully rolled his eyes but his smile never left his lips. He pulled me back into a sweet kiss before pulling away again.

"Be my girlfriend again and I'll stop ignoring them," He hinted, his smile turning to a smirk. I blushed at his words knowing I had never wanted anything more in my life. I nodded a little too excitedly. He chuckled as he connected our lips, celebrating the rekindling of our relationship after 11 years. I should have made the wish in the fountain years ago.

*****

It was the best Christmas I ever had. We ordered Chinese food they opened presents, we exchanged hunting stories and acted like a real family. As the night was winding down, Sam took one of the spare rooms while Dean and I took the other. I worried he would want to make up for all the nights we had missed but as soon as we were in the room alone his arms never let go of me. We cuddled all night and it was the best sleep I remember ever having.

We stayed at Bobby's a few days before Sam and Dean had to go back on the road. Dean rode in my car, kissing me when I stopped but holding my thigh the whole time I was driving. He still looks at me the same way he used to, the love in his eyes only seemed to grow as we spent more time together. He had only changed for the better but he was still the same and loving man I had fallen for. He's still perfect for me.

Masterlist

[winchestermylove]

Can I please ask for a huge list of fics with Sam calling Dean mummy. Just weird maternal shit is absolutely ideal. I just need it in my life 🙏🏻

of course!! all the ones i've found are from ao3, so i'll link them!

these first three are explicitly mommy kink, and they are also very popular so sorry if you've already read them!

the ones with an asterisk (*) are my favorites (even though these are all technically my favorites)

---

*i do believe his mouth is heaven by orphan_account

6,996 words

in which dean realizes that his whole damn life has revolved around his love for his baby brother, and nothing could ever change that. not even an accidental mommy kink.

road snack by cherrysnobs

1,819 words

Sam gets hungry while they’re driving to a new case. Dean’s got his favorite snack on tap.

mother is pretending by hathfrozen

19,936 words

Sam and Dean get reckless about how they're handling the pain of season 2, and whoops! slowly develop a Mommy kink along the way.

---

these next ones are kind of honorable mentions, because they don't include a specific mommy kink but do have parent/caretaker!dean or kind of a mommy-esque vibe.

---

me and you together together together by according2thelore

5,443 words

Teenage Dean loses Sam in a mall. He does not take it well.

*Feeling Small by ladygizarme

1,385 words

Sam longs to close the distance between them and burrow into Dean, but he hesitates. He’s almost seventeen and logically he knows it’s weird to still be seeking his brother’s reassurance just because he had a nightmare.

also its counterpart (same story but dean's pov) Baby Brother by ladygizarme 2,130 words Sometimes it kinda pisses him off that Sam is going to be taller than him any day now. It also makes him proud, though. Somehow, despite all the odds against him, he managed to raise this kid up big and healthy. But right now, it just makes him kind of heartsick for the days when his little brother was, well, actually little.

*Good by lovetheirloves

7,167 words

This, Dean knows – Sam is, at his core, more than anything else, good.

Baby Blue by Edwardina

12,817 words

Sam touches a cursed pacifier and is compelled to suck on it non-stop. At first, Dean thinks it's hilarious and Sam is humiliated, but the way Dean treats Sam is actually a turn-on for them both.

Couldn't take care of you by StellaRasu

6,857 words

Dean never gets over wanting to breastfeed Sam and being unable to do it. It escalates when Sam finds out.

The Nature of Reality by Ferrera

19,510 words

After Mary and Dean manage to get Sam out of the basement where Toni trapped and tortured him, Dean takes care of Sam.

*Cradle Our Desire by shir_hashirim

9,155 words

Dean bites his lip, hesitating for a moment before continuing. Sam was open with him, so now it’s his turn. “Besides, I like taking care of you. Wish you’d let me do it more often, if I’m being honest.”

He walks over to where Sam is sitting on the bed, still gripping the little stuffed animal tightly. Dean reaches over and smoothes down the front of Sam’s hair gently. For a minute, he worries if he’s gone too far, said too much.

[a-crazy-fangirl]

SPN posting ahead!

This might be a controversial take, but I am firmly of the opinion that Dean full on settled for Lisa and didn’t really love her like he thought he did.

NOTE: I SAY THIS WITH ALL THE LOVE AND RESPECT FOR LISA!! My hand to God, I’m not trying to be a hater or anything like that. Lisa’s perfectly fine, I just think she and Dean aren’t compatible.

I think he stayed with her because she checked a lot of the boxes of what he thought he wanted. Like on paper, Lisa should be perfect for him. Lisa and her lifestyle embodies what Dean thought he wanted— a picket fence life away from hunting with a hot, down to earth woman and a good kid that idolizes him. It was what his Dad was fighting to avenge, so I think Dean internalized his dad’s desires and goals and saw it as the be all and end all of what someone should want. And again, like he was taught from a very young age, achievement of “goals” and “tasks” as defined by his dad should supersede whatever “””fantasies””” he had for himself (aka his own desires, thoughts, and feelings).

So in that light, maybe his emotional connection with Lisa wasn’t as good as he had experienced with other women, but she was supportive enough and offered a lifestyle that he thought he wanted, so he made due with her fully expecting the rest of the pieces to fall into place. I think he expected that, based on what his dad taught him, if he was a good partner and did what he was supposed to do, the love and happiness would inevitably follow.

I think the fact it didn’t was a part of the reason he went back to hunting with Sam so readily.

Above all, I think the failure of his relationship with Lisa was a moment of serious growth for Dean.

I want to preface this by saying I don’t think he settled intentionally like some kind of fuckboy. He truly cared about Lisa and Ben, without a doubt, and I fully believe he went into that relationship thinking he was right where he wanted and needed to be. I don’t think he went into it lightly or casually by any stretch of the imagination.

But I think his relationship with Lisa, and the way it failed over the course of season 5/6, taught him that a relationship has to be more than just your idealized concept of what a partner (and a relationship) should be. It also involves the connection and truth, no matter how messy or vulnerable that maybe. That, and that it doesn’t always match up with what you expect it should be.

What cements my theory for me is the relationships he had with people that were fully a part of his entire life, warts and all. He loved Cassie. He was on his way to loving Jo. He loved Benny. And he loved Castiel.

His connections with those who truly saw and understood him for who he was in his entirety were far deeper than what he got from someone so far removed from his life.

Looking beyond what’s textual and more into my spitball, head canon opinions, if the show had been fair to Dean, he would have ended up with a fellow hunter— I think that would have been the only way Dean could have had a “real” love interest. Dean is a very emotional man and I think he would need someone who really fully understood him. He never really got that in any long-term fling that was well depicted in the show, which sucks. I think, after everything, he deserved that. I wish we had had at least one lady that matched his freak

(It would have been Jo but the fandom motherfuckers in the mid/late 00s fucked that up for us 🤬)

TLDR!! Lisa strikes me more as someone who John would have liked Dean to pursue rather than someone Dean would have organically sought out on his own. For that reason, the relationship failed because it was what Dean thought he wanted rather than what he actually wanted.

[deanscutiepiesam]

happy wincest wednesday! my question for this week's round table (lol) is: what's your ideal for sam and dean's "apple pie" life? would they settle down and retire with each other, or would they keep hunting? who does the cooking, who does the cleaning (do they even know how to clean?), do they hide the fact that they're brothers or are they the freaky incest bros down the street? do they have kids (mpreg or adoption)? pets? i'm curious about any and all ideas you have :) (@incesthemes)

Happy Wincest Wednesday!! ♡

This is such a cute question! Idk I kind of imagine it like that little slice of life moment we had at the beginning of the finale. I think they'd stay in the bunker (bc have you seen housing prices??) and I just think they'd like the isolation the bunker provides and the safety of it (the sigils and warding and stuff).

Would they retire? Yes and no. I think they wouldn't go looking for hunts. They wouldn't travel across the country for them, but if something suspicious is happening in town, I could see them checking it out. I think at this point hunting is too ingrained in them to just abandon it completely. But they do the best they can.

Also, speaking of traveling, they definitely go on occasional road trips. Just for the sake of driving and seeing the country without hunting and for the nostalgia of motels and being stuck together on the road.

Dean cooks. He gets pissy when Sam offers to with his whole need-to-provide thing going on. Sam washes dishes as a compromise. They also go grocery shopping together because Dean will never buy vegetables if Sam isn't there, and Sam will only buy vegetables if Dean isn't there. They complete each other (and they don't like being apart that long). Speaking of not wanting to be apart, they definitely share rooms now. Sam moved into Dean's because Dean wanted to keep his memory foam mattress.

I think Sam cleans more since he's at home more — he's finishing his degree, but online — but Dean helps out sometimes, too. I think Dean would have a job of some kind. He doesn't need one because of Charlie's infinite credit card hack, and they don't have to pay any bills on the bunker, but Dean strikes me as a guy who needs to do something. Even if it's part-time. Maybe a mechanic?

They initially pose as normal brothers (since I headcanon that they stay in the bunker, it's canon that they go by the Campbell Brothers in town), but they soon realize that everyone thinks they're gay married and that they're using being brothers as a cover. "It's not illegal anymore, you two," someone will tell them. And Sam is blushing, and Dean doesn't get it until Sam explains it when they get home. They just end up letting the town think whatever they want, although they are a bit more affectionate in public now...

They have pets. Miracle is both of their dogs, but I feel like it's more Dean's, so Sam would get another one. Sam wakes up early for his runs and walks them, and when he gets back, Dean has made breakfast, and he feeds them bacon against Sam's wishes. Also, their dogs are in love with each other. Sam had gotten the other dog so Miracle could have a brother, but then he walked in on them licking each other. "I guess they're more than just brothers," Sam says. "Heh, they're like us," Dean replies, and Sam can't hold back his laugh.

No kids. These men should not have kids. As much as I love the headcanons, please do not let them have kids lmaoo.

Anyways, thank you so much for the ask! I love thinking about them happy and at peace.

[dotthings]

In the Impala talk Sam and Dean have at the end of 8.03 it’s really clear Sam genuinely actually does not want to be doing this, the hunting. He wants out. It’s not a rejection of Dean, although I get why Dean is always going to see it as a personal rejection, it’s that the way Sam’s talking there, he’s not slightly disassociating like he was doing at the start of S8, this is Sam being honest on how burned out he is and how much he wants the gates of hell closed so that it’s okay for him to stop hunting. Sam was looking at universities.

That idea of getting out, of not having to hunt, is a long running theme with Sam.

It’s also been a long running theme for Dean, and there is a perception that Dean unambiguously loves the hunt and doesn’t yearn for anything else or never talks about something else, or never resents hunting. But that isn’t the case.

They both have that yearning. They both think about it.

Sam is the one who has a hopeful belief he can get out, that this isn’t all there is for him.

Dean otoh believes he’s doomed to die too young and bloody—and it’s tragic he believes that.

There’s perceptions about spn and about Sam and Dean, that it never questions the hunting life, and that again isn’t the case.

Obviously, spn isn’t going to break its own format. So they are going to keep hunting. But the “what if we could get rid of the monsters” or “what if we could get out” is a carrot spn dangled in front of the characters in a cycle. Even Dean in later seasons moves beyond some of his despair and starts talking about toes in the sand.

I like genre and I like monster hunting shows, but the main appeal of SPN—articulated by the people who make the show themselves—is the characters and their emotional anguish and relationships, and shooting monsters in the face provides a compelling canvas for that. Which is why any genre TV show is compelling at its core, it’s that mixture of emotion against a backdrop of adventure.

But SPN canon does not idealize hunting. For 15 seasons SPN has a complex examination of the personal costs and trauma of being a hunter, and it’s about the relationships. It’s about the bonds that form between people. It goes far outside that only being about Sam and Dean’s traumas and Sam and Dean’s relationship.

Dean is in a perpetually complicated, intense love-hate relationship with hunting, he wants to hunt, he also wants other things in his life and resents hunting, he resents the trauma, the grief, he resents the chances he never had, he also finds personal fulfillment in hunting and feels very conscious of the value of the lives they save, the value of the work. The hunting also is a way he copes with hunting—he hunts to deal with the trauma hunting caused. Or he hunts to deal with his roiling emotions, because it’s not all about hunting, there’s people…feelings. Dean expresses his own wish that Sam didn’t have to hunt, or he warns others off the life, or tries to shield them, or tries to talk people out of pursuing hunting. He also resents Sam’s talk of quitting, or tells chosen ones like Kevin, once the veil’s lifted, this your life now suck it up and deal. Dean sees avenues of escape from it, he sees hope, he also sees doors slamming shut and chains. Dean swings like a pendulum.

Dean is not less yearning and or thinking about what else is there than Sam. Dean has dreams and wants, just as Sam does.

Sam has more of a steady wary relationship with hunting. Less of a back and forth in his views. Sam steps up and does due dilligence as a hunter, but perpetually and with less inner conflict chasing that brass ring of “getting out.” Eventually Sam acknowledges all of that, and how he came to acceptance that this is his life. But Sam’s actual reason for staying in, is to hunt with Dean.

Sam is not less family-driven and or heart-driven in his motivation than Dean.

The difference is that Dean personally has a much stronger connection to the act of hunting itself, and it has a different meaning for Sam.

[quietwingsinthesky]

i kind of wish dean had just kept not liking dogs. that’s one of the things that i never understood them leaning so hard on changing in the later seasons. like, yes, first of all, hellhound trauma should have been more of a thing for him in an ideal world <3 but also by itself? it’s just a neutral trait, makes sense for who he is. he’s got a car he likes to keep clean and taken care of, and he’s spent his whole life on the road murdering people so having a pet wasn’t exactly an option at any point.

i’m not sure i want to say that making dean like dogs is either the writers flattening him or attributing Notable Sam Traits to dean. but it is a weird decision. to give him that little mop dog and go :) yeah guys dean loves dogs.

not liking dogs isn’t something about him that had to be fixed lmao that was actually a pretty solid trait. why of all things did they reverse course on that.

[yetanothergreyjedi]

Left and Returned: Definitely Nothing Wrong

Danny Phantom x Supernatural Crossover

Part 2

Ao3

Chapter 3

After the angel heckling, Danny stuck around for the initial explanations. But as the explanations moved from recounting the events into... theological debate... yeah, Danny bailed on that. Look after winning fistfights with a certain amount of beings who claim to be gods, it's hard to be reasonable about that stuff. Danny's opinions on the afterlife are not super helpful to people who aren't living in ectoplasm rich environments.

For now he has a job to do. His ghost sense goes off before he opens the door. So he's not surprised to find the electronics are as fried as you'd expect after a being with the power to cause electrical surges spent a few months running around in it. At least his carbon monoxide detector stays silent.

Little fun fact: carbon monoxide makes spirits restless. Restless spirits cause electrical surges. Continued electrical surges, cause long term electrical fires. If you have the first problem, getting the other two problems becomes a lot more likely.

Less fun fact: Danny has never met a hunter who knows this.

How many hunters have died of carbon monoxide poisoning while they huddled in a salt circle to avoid the angry dead? How many HVAC guys have gotten possessed or murdered? How many people get lucky enough to have both problems sorted only to have something start on fire?

It's a whole thing. Yes, he gives this rant to every hunter he encounters. Hopefully, it sticks with at least some of them. Sam had said he'd do it. Bobby had pulled them over at the nearest hardware store and bought three detectors.

At least he knows it sunk in for someone.

But here the air is clean and normal and smells a little like ectoplasm. He's able to talk down the ghost without the thermos, but she has an electrical core, and he can't replace this much wiring in the time he has. He shows the owner, shuts down the power to the rooms that absolutely will start a fire and gives her some reputable local contacts. It's not ideal, it rarely is. But both the house's owner and the ghost know what they need to do to keep surviving and that's better than things were this morning.

He wishes it felt like victory.

He eats, takes a nap in the back of his van, and when he wakes up he's missed a dozen calls.

Someone is killing hunters. Of course there is.

He forwards the message to Jazz, Sam, Tucker, Valerie, and Wes, in case he's gotten mixed up in something new. They all check in. They all mention ghosts behaving... oddly. They agree they have it handled. Jazz asks about Sam.

Danny calls the Winchesters. They don't pick up.

 

---

Regret coils as Dean realizes who's ghost stands before him. He understands exactly why so many friends fell to this, stepping out of reach as she swings at his face. It's hard to do, she has every right to hit him, it's his fault she's dead.

That is why she is here. She's here to get her revenge, and he doesn't even know if the name he knows is her real one.

"It's okay, I'm not a demon."

"You're the girl the demon possessed."

"Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not, you know, choking on my own blood. It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl. Sorry — was. I was walking home one night and got jumped by all this smoke. Next thing you know, I'm a prisoner... Now, I was awake. I had to watch while she murdered people."

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, yeah? So sorry you had me thrown off a building?"

"Well, we thought— "

She shoves him, not with the strength of a girl puppeted by a demon, not with the strength of a ghost. She shoves him with the strength of a young woman who never lifts more than her college books. That's why he stumbles to the ground. "No, you didn't think! I kept waiting, praying! I was trapped in there screaming at you! 'Just help me, please!' You're supposed to help people, Dean. Why didn't you help me? "

"I'm sorry. "

"Stop saying you're sorry!" She approaches quick, ready to kick him. He's going to let her too, but the blow doesn't come.

She screams in fury as she's lifted by her waist. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be ridden for months by pure evil?! While your family has no idea what happened to you?!"

Danny holds her arms, stopping her from continuing her assault.

Meg continues, "It wasn't just me, I had a sister. A little sister.  You know how little siblings are, right? How they depend on you. She was never the Same after I disappeared. She just... she just got lost. And when my body was lying in the morgue beat-up and broken..."

She stops struggling, going limp as she tries to continue.

"Say what you need to say, we're listening." Danny tells her.

"She killed herself, she needed me and I wasn't there." Tears pool in her eyes. "All he was thinking about was his family, his revenge, his demons! 50 words of Latin a little sooner, and I—

She chokes on her sobs, "and I'd still be alive. My baby sister might still be alive."

Kid holds her up as she crys. Wet, gross, snotty crying, not like the pretty tears on TV. Kid whispers comforting things and lets her shout accusing things at Dean until she cries herself out.

"Do you remember your door?" He asks her when her breathing's evened.

"Yeah... it's blue, has some stickers..." she murmurs. And Danny gestures to the door across from them, which does not match Bobby's decor.

"Go home, Meg. Go rest." She reaches for the handle ugly brand on her hand turning green and vanishing as she turns it. As the door closes behind her, it's Bobby's door again.

"Dean!" Sam's voice echos from downstairs.

"Here!" Dean responds, grabbing the kid and pulling him after him as he goes to find his brother. "The symbol on her hand, you recognized it?"

"They have no right." Danny snarls.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes."

"What symbol?" Bobby asks, and he looks pretty okay for a guy who went missing when all the other people who went missing had their hearts ripped out. Sam scrambles to draw it for him.

The kid starts to pace the room. "They were at peace . This didn't call the restless dead, it woke the sleeping. They had. No. Right."

"The mark of the witness? " Bobby asks, "I'd have to double check."

"That's a name for it." The kid really sounds completely different when he's this mad.

"Follow me."

 

---

 

"...coated in salt, 100% ghost proof."

Dean watches the kid stumble across the threshold. He'd miss it if he wasn't looking for it. Yesterday, Danny had been wearing his pain on his face for all to see, it made it easier to look past it now. But Dean had seen his dad wear that expression, seen it on his brother, hell, he'd worn it himself a thousand times— Danny was in pain, but determined to push past it. He'd been fine a minute ago. Bobby's bunker was hurting him.

And Dean didn't say a word about it.

Kid had grabbed a ghost, picked her up and sent her home with nothing but himself and some words. Dean didn't know of anything that could do that. He did know that there was a chance Danny had saved him from getting his heart ripped out. Dean probably would've thought of something, but still. He wasn’t gonna kick the kid while he was down, definitely not while he was as determined to stop this as they were.

For what it's worth, he has no issue prepping rock salt for the shotguns as Bobby pages through the book, the silence is enough time for Dean's mind to wander back to earlier.

"See this is why I can't get behind God." Dean tells them.

Sam sighs.

"Still debating theology?" Danny asks.

"If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason — just random, horrible, evil — I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?"

"This is really bothering you."

"It's not bothering you?"

"What I asked Castiel, it was a genuine question."

"What?" Sam asked, they hadn't relayed the amount of angel-poking they'd done.

"He said he was an angel of the Lord. I asked which lord."

"I mean, if he's an angel then he meant God." Sam pointed out.

Danny shrugged. "You've fought gods before. You've told me."

"Pagan gods, Not God."

"I fought a Stormbringer once. When it angered it formed a lightning storm over half the continent. One minute there were clear skies, the next hail like golf balls, tornadoes, floods."

"That freak storm?! That was years ago, boy, how old were you?"

"Fourteen. That's not the point. The point is, that the people who summoned him called him God's wrath, but he called himself Vortex, among other things..." Danny quiets, lost in the memory for a moment. Then he starts back in on the salt rounds, packing them with increased efficiency.

"It was barely an effort for him to bring the country to its knees, and it wasn’t a human who defeated him, when it came down to it." Dean notes the careful phrasing. "I've seen a lot of weird. I think that if Castiel's Lord is the god you're worried about, then he's probably worried about the things strong enough to fight him."

"Danny," Sam says, "that makes this whole thing a lot less reassuring."

"Yeah, that's freaking terrifying, kid."

Danny fits the last of his salt rounds into a bandolier and drops it on the table with a clatter. He grins. "I can make it worse if you want?"

"Let's not, for now. You're right about the mark." Bobby announces. "They witnessed the unnatural. None of them died what you'd call ordinary deaths. See, these ghosts— they were forced to rise. They woke up in agony. They were like rabid dogs. It ain't their fault. Someone Rose them... on purpose."

"Who?" Sam asks.

"Do I look like I know? But whoever it was used a spell so powerful it left a mark, a brand on their souls. Whoever did this had big plans—"

"Is there a way to find out?" Danny asked, the murder back in his eyes. They weren't turning colors this time though,  they stayed normal human blue.

"Not that I have here, and we have bigger problems. It's called "the rising of the witnesses." It figures into an ancient prophecy."

"Wait, wait. What kind of prophecy?

"Revelations kind. This is a sign, boys."

"A sign of what?"

"The apocalypse."

"Apocalypse? The apocalypse, apocalypse? The four horsemen, pestilence, $5-a-gallon-gas apocalypse?"

"That's the one. The rise of the witnesses is a -- a mile marker."

"Okay, so, what do we do now?" Sam asks.

"Road trip. Grand Canyon, Star Trek Experience—"

"Can we focus?! We find a way to send them to the keeper of tales so they're story will be heard and they can be appeased."

"Well, I don't know about all of that... but I've got a spell it just says it will put them back to rest... if I've translate—"

Danny is out of his seat and looking over the book before Bobby could finish.

"—ed it correctly..." he pushes the book so the kid can get a better look.

Dean raises his eyebrows at Bobby, but he's too busy watching the kid to acknowledge.

"This is really old." Danny mutters, "Some names are out of date, but it mentions the roll they fill in the spell so it should work."

"Names out of date... you know better ones, for... the ancient spell?"Dean asks.

He didn't expect the kid to say, "yeah," and pick up a pen.

"Subject matter expert does the spell," Bobby offers, okay. So, Dean missed something, since when does Bobby hand off this stuff? Since when is Danny the 'subject matter expert?'

"I can... or... look, once we start, all the witnesses who haven't been appeased are going to be compelled to stop us. I can add a clause at the beginning, draw them off while you finish the spell."

"I don't know..."

"I'll go with you." Sam volunteers.

"Are we sure we should split up?" Dean asks.

"You'll have a better chance to complete it if you aren't being swarmed by angry ghosts." Sam points out.

"Maybe we should be the bait," Dean suggested, "Both of you know the spell and can troubleshoot if there's problems, Sam and I can't help that."

"Do you know your true names?"

"What?"

"Do you know the name that encompasses all that you are? And can you write it in a way that covers it but prevents it from being stolen."

Dean turns to stare at him, he doesn't look up from the book.

"If you can,  then sure, if not, then we really shouldn't make those bargains and we don't have time for that."

"Is this related to how you're older than you are?" Dean asks, because he was starting to think Danny hadn't actually been delirious after the seance.

"Yeah."

"You gonna explain that?" Bobby asks.

"There was a summer that didn't happen, and some time travel."

"Time travel." Dean repeated.

"Oh, yeah, I think I'm older than I am too..." Sam realizes.

"That doesn't—"

"Remember the timeloop, Dean? I know you don't remember the six months after the timeloop in the timeline where the Trickster refused to let you live."

"What?!"

"I'm done modifying the spell." Danny said firmly postponing a conversation Dean will be having with his brother.

 

---

Once the fire is started, Bobby burns the paper with Danny's sigils and begins the spell. Dean follows orders, he gathers materials from the near-empty house. Nothing bothers him. He doesn't need the shotgun or the iron fire poker. The spell takes three minutes.

It's another five before Sam and his friend return. They're battered and dirty, but they're alive and they have no serious injuries.

Bobby makes dinner.

They try to help but get kicked out of the kitchen after all the chopping is done.

Sam doesn't tell him about whatever he saw. Dean wonders if he knows what's up with Danny and just won't tell him.

Dinner is hearty and they dont talk because they're too busy eating.

It's been a long day. Yesterday was long too.

Questions can wait till after they sleep, and Dean really wants to sleep.

It's a shame the angel doesn't want him too.

[finalgirlsamwinchester]

what are your thoughts on samruby?

thank you for sending this! and OH BOY i wrote a lot. i'm so sorry. i'm putting it under a cut for everyone's sanity.

see, the thing about samruby to me is the religiosity of it all. it's about a victim unknowingly initiated into a cult. it's about a holy lamb being raised for slaughter.

firstly i can't discuss it without spilling my guts over ruby as a character!! i saw a meta the other day (and i wish i'd reblogged it bc i can't find it again) calling ruby the most devout character in supernatural. and they're right! she is! her arc is about devotion and keeping faith. she's a direct narrative foil to cas, who falls down the path of doubt and experiences a crisis of faith. For ruby, her god is lucifer, and she'll accept all persecution and undergo every trial she has to in order to fulfil her mission as his servant. and she does! she succeeds up to her death! (whereas cas fails, and lives)

she doesn't see grooming and manipulating sam as an act of corruption. it's about purification. (and we all know how sam feels about purity, aha) for ruby, the demon blood drinking is a matter of cleansing sam of human imperfection, for the purposes of presenting lucifer his ideal vessel. because the thing about sam is that he's a liminal figure. he's as human as he is monstrous - and from a demonic perspective, wouldn't his humanness be considered the infection?

the way ruby preys on sam also has a definite maternal tilt to it. from as early as s3 (like the way she says 'that's my boy!' to him in 3x04? like dean does in 1x11?). she calls him 'sammy' in a way that mirrors dean, but also evokes maternal warmth. just as dean in season 1 functions as a protector and guide for sam when he brings him back into the hunting fold, ruby does so for sam in dean's absence. sam's grief and vulnerability presents her an opportunity to take on the role of carer and mentor. she'll teach him how to use his powers! she'll guide him in what he needs to do, while he's so lost in his own suffering. sure she provides warmth and affection - but more importantly, she directs sam towards a mission, a cause for good.

she's an incredible character to pair off with sam, a character full of hope and belief that his faith might amount to something (i'm thinking of the start of s11 here - sam desperate to believe his prayers are being answered by god. only to discover it was lucifer all along) he wants to be like joan of arc - he wants the voice of heaven commanding and guiding him along a path of heroism. it's his hope and faith that make him vulnerable.

ruby takes on sam like she's a cult recruiter preying on a victim! like if you go through the stages of cult indoctrination: deception (check! she tricks him into breaking the final seal by killing lilith!), isolation (check! sam having to keep his activities w ruby a secret, driving a wedge between him and dean, eventuating in their separation), induced dependency (check! a blood addiction!). by the end of it, he's left abandoned by his loved ones, alone and entirely reliant on her and the purpose she's given him.

but luckily - sam is a character who hates being controlled above all else, so he does not have his Midsommar (2019) May Queen moment. even when he does let lucifer in, he does so as a sleeper agent. he holds onto his independent spirit to the end :")

tldr; ruby loves sam as a devotee loves their holy mission. sam begrudgingly accepts ruby, not as the divine guidance he wants, but the only one that'll speak to him.

[paarthurnax59]

"Family Don't End In Blood"

Chapter 2

Warnings: angst, arguments, mention of abortion, violence, blood and kidnapping.

word count: 5779

Chapter 1

“I don’t want us to have kids.”

“I don’t want us to have kids.”

“I don’t want us to have kids.”

    That one sentence echoed in your mind so loudly. Like if Dean had been standing in a cave and had just shouted the words, it would still not nearly be as loud as it was in your mind. Your face was blank and growing more pale.  Mind now empty from the horror that you were facing. You felt sick, sicker than before you found out you were pregnant. Your stomach was doing somersaults making the unpleasant feeling so much worse. You couldn’t breathe, you sat still while you looked at Dean with your jaw dropped. 

    He didn’t want kids and here you were about to tell him that you were pregnant. Whichever god, deity or higher power that oversaw weaving the events of your life, truly had a sick sense of humor.  You wish this were a nightmare. That at any moment you would wake up and in bed with Dean and you surprise him with a special gift that would say “World’s best dad” and he would shed tears of joy. Sam would be hugging you and excited about becoming an uncle and Castiel wanting to be your child’s guardian angel. Your friends would throw you a baby shower and having to drag Dean to it. Maybe bribing him with pie. Months later, you finally deliver your baby and Dean smiling down proudly at your child as he kissed your forehead. You smile contently as you fell asleep after hours of being in labor. 

    How you wished that was the reality. For Dean to be happy about being a father and you a mother.  Yet, that wasn’t the reality that you want. Your own personal hell and nightmare was. Dean didn’t want to have kids with you, or at all. His mind was set on this and once Dean’s mind was made up, it’s damn near impossible to change. 

absolute and full-on non-negotiable

   You heard him right, and when Dean says something was absolute, he meant it. You didn’t know that to do. You were already pregnant, and you didn’t have the chance to tell him. You honestly don’t have any idea why he brought it up and why he had suddenly made this decision. Dean loved kids and so did you. He was always good with young kids and even wanted to help raise Ben. Yes, it wasn’t ideal to raise children in the hunter life. If it ever came to be, you would quit the hunter life if it meant raising your children in safety. You now had some stability and a home to call your own since your father’s house had burned down.  What had changed his mind?

“What? Why not?” You asked wanting to know why the father of your unborn baby of why didn’t want kids.

“You know the hunt we were just on? The hunt with pregnant women that had gone missing?” He asked in return to help you get a good picture 

“Yes.” You answered him.

“When we first go there, we started at the police station and found all of the addresses of the homes these pregnant women lived at.” He began softly, a sad expression was clear on his face. “I interviewed the husbands and boyfriends, and…I met this one guy that said that he and his wife had multiple miscarriages. And they were finally expecting, and she was far along. It was close to her due date, around eight months. I have seen a guy look so distraught.” When Dean explained to you about what went down, your heart broke. To have had a series of miscarriages and when finally, been gifted the miracle of life, something comes in and took that away from a happy couple. “We found through our research that it was a demon that gets it’s power from the essence of newborn children. A Lamia, by the look of it. She was undercover at one the clinic that was helping these pregnant women. She impersonated a nurse to get their medical information to search out these women during their third trimester. The clinic had no idea a demon was working with them.”

“My god.” You uttered while looking at Dean in shock and sadness. “Did you find the mother?”

“Yes, but…She was gone and so was her baby.” He sated, looking down at the table. 

“You mean…” You try to finish while not wanting to hear the rest of what Dean was going to say. 

“Yes, She died. And what I saw…was…” He tried to get out and his breath hitched. You can tell he didn’t want to give the details. “She was butchered, like she was some sort of science experiment. You have no idea how hard it was to tell her husband his wife and child were gone.” Dean was trying to hold back all the emotions and it showed. His tears were brimming with fresh tears. He didn’t go into further detail, and you most certainly didn’t want to hear about what happened to the baby. You just couldn’t image the horror of what Dean had seen. Without thinking you secretly placed your stomach, without Dean noticing. The need and desire to protect your baby had grown stronger when you heard Dean talk about his experience. 

“Did you find the demon?” You asked quietly with your hand still on your non-existent bump. 

“Yes, we iced the bitch and her minions fled after I put the bullet in her brain.” Dean leaned back and his face became where more stonelike when you mentioned the demon. You were relived at that, at least. The fewer of these monsters, the better. “When we drove back, I talked to Sam and venting out my emotions. I didn’t want to go through something like that. I don’t want to especially see you go through that. I don’t know what would happen if I lost you. Especially like that.” Dean said as he grabbed your free hand as your other hand laid on your belly. You truly saddened on how badly this had gotten to Dean. Hell, it was getting you to you too.

“Dean, this is a serious decision. I understand the risks of raising a family in the life. But, I can protect myself. I am a hunter, Dean. I have been raised this life. That poor woman you mentioned, had no clue of what was going to happen. We do. We know what’s out there and the monsters.” You try reasoning with him. Dean’s resolve always seems to crumble when it came to you. You were the only person that could break his walls and even somehow remotely change his mind on things. Which it was impressive considering how stubborn Dean can be. Seeing as you were going to have a child, you might as well try to change his mind. “Plus, we have the Bunker. It the safest and most secure place in the world. If that place isn’t safe for a child, then where?” You finally let go of your pregnant belly and then grabbed Dean’s hand. Looking deep in his eyes and smiled at him. “Was this really because of one hunt, Dean? I understand about what you had gone through and…” But before you could say anything else, Dean lets his hand slip from yours and gives you the cold glare. It was a look that you never thought Dean could give you.

“(Name), are you seriously saying that we should have a baby? To raise them in the life? To put their safety, happiness, and well-being on the line, just so we could be parents? I’m Sorry, honey, but that is honestly the most self-centered thing you could say.” Dean growled, looking at you like you were going insane. For the first time in forever, Dean had hurt you with his own words. “You know what it was like being raised in this life. You know what I had been through. The kind of life that my father raised us in and yours. Not only is it not ideal, it’s selfish.”

“But, you helped raise Ben. You got out and we can too if it comes to that.” You try to reason with him once, hoping that way you could have the courage to tell him you were pregnant. Ben loved Dean, he might not have been his father but there was no doubt Dean did what he could to protect Ben and Lisa. He cared for them like his own family. 

“Yeah, look how that turned out!” He shot you down in a loud tone, making you jolt up in shock from his heated demeanor. The people in the diner started to look at you two, Dean noticed and tries to quiet down his voice.  “I was pulled back into the life, there is no escaping it, (Name). I almost killed Ben when I was a vampire, Lisa got kidnaped by Crowley and had to erase their memories, forever. I was scared out of my mind and had to say goodbye to the people that I had considered family.” As he explained to you in a more hushed but no less angry. Apparently, that experience still got to Dean and “I don’t want to put the life of child at risk. I could barely protect Sam and you; you think I can protect our kids? No, I can’t. I’m sorry, (Name), but there is no way I’m going to put an innocent life in danger like this.  I am not going through something like that. I will not raise a kid in the life. I rather die the next day, than risk my child’s life and watch them die. I don’t want to have kids, (Name). That’s final.” Dean said as if he was setting his words in stone. The commitment in his argument seemed to be absolute and there was no changing it. It scared you, Dean at that moment, terrified you. For the first time in your life, you didn’t know what to so regarding the man you fell in love with. Most importantly, you didn’t know what to do about the life growing inside of you. One is for sure, you can’t tell Dean. You just can’t, not right now at least.

You looked down and took a deep breath before saying anything. 

“Okay, Dean. I’m sorry for fighting you on this.” You somberly apologize to your boyfriend, feeling incredibly defeated. Dean nodded and grabbed the burger and took a bite, you both ate in silence, not speaking to each other after that. What you both didn’t see was a pair of black eyes looking straight at you and your sad face, with a wide, wicked grin plastered on her face. 

….

 Dean’s PoV

  The drive back to the bunker was silent. Nothing but uncomfortable dead air between the two of  as both of them drove back home. The radio played on as (Name) looked out the window and kept her eyes away from her boyfriend. Dean, feeling a twinge of guilt over the way he reacted over her trying to change his mind. His brain was now chastising him for calling her self-centered and selfish because she may want to become a mother. There was nothing wrong with that it was human nature for a woman to want to have children. He couldn’t blame her and saying she was selfish was uncalled for. He just didn’t know why she was trying to fight him on this so much. They were always able to be on the same page with everything. Why is she fighting with him now?

    He knew he had to get her to see his side of it. She had to know that raising a kid in this life is just out of the question. His upbringing had such an influence on him that the dream of having children was dead. There was a time where he wanted kids. He loved them and honestly thought (Name) would be the one to give him that. But after everything that he went through as a child, having to raise Sam by himself and all the things that he had seen happened to innocent children, that wasn’t possible for him. That hunt he went one just killed it for him, he had never seen anything like that. He knows he wouldn’t make a good father. He was so sure of it and she needed to see that. He loved her and wanted her to stay with him. If can just get her on board, then things will get better between them. They can go back to talk with one another. She will get over it in time he convinced himself. she was always resilient, so she can let of this dream of hers. Dean looked back to his girlfriend and turned off the radio so he could talk to her. 

“Look, sweetheart. I’m sorry for the way I acted back there. Yelling at you is something that I didn’t want to do, and I shouldn’t have embarrassment you like that. You’re not selfish or self-centered. You’re the best person that I know and you didn’t deserve that.” He spoke softly as he looked the girl he loved. She didn’t say anything other than nodded at him with her chin be held up by her hand. (Name) continued to look out the window as Dean continued the conversation, even though she wasn’t responding to back to him. “But...I really need you to be on board with this. You had no idea how hard it would be to raise a child together. I mean, me and Sam are considered deceased in the eyes of the law. We won’t be able to find jobs, get a house or even take our kids to school. If we didn’t have the Bunker, we would still be jumping from motel to motel all the time. People are going to be asking questions about our lives and one day will ask what our kid’s parents do for a living and will expose the hunting life. They might even think we are crazy and CPS might take our kid away. Me and Sammy were almost taken from our dad when were little, and then had to leave so that the cops wouldn’t find us. You want that? You really want for our kid?” Dean tried to get through to her one more time, hoping this could help her deal with the fact that he didn’t want to have kids. 

“No, I don’t.” She said gloomily not looking at him. Dean would normally be angry if someone weren’t giving him answers to his questions and not look at him. However, this was (Name) he was talking to. She was the one person to break down his walls. He couldn’t be cold towards her, he just couldn’t. “I get it you went through a ton of crap and don’t want to repeat history.” She finished, but still refused to look at Dean. Feeling sad and guilty, Dean grabbed her hand and stroked it with his large thumb. (Name) had now finally looked at him with her (e/c) eyes and could see the sadness in them. Dean’s heart broke when he looked at her. She looked disheartened by what he told her. He had to try to make it better. Maybe taking some time off from hunting and spending time together. They could use a few days off from the life and try to be normal for a while. 

“How about we take a break, honey? Spend some time together? We can find something to do and have some fun okay?” Dean asked with that sweet smile that (Name) had loved so much. She took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Okay. Sounds like a good idea.” She replied, sounding like she had nothing else to say. Dean then took his hand away and he placed both his hands on the steering wheel as the Bunker came to view. 

….

Normal POV.

     You didn’t sleep at all that night. Not even with Dean by your side, you just couldn’t let your eyes shut and drift off to sleep. Dean tried to get you to talk to him as much as possible, to try and steer away from the conversation away from the whole baby situation. He had failed so after the first few hours before dinner. Sam also noticed your strange behavior and saw how much you were ignoring Dean. You had told Sam that Dean didn’t want kids back when you went out to lunch. Sam knew that what is was about and figured you would be upset about it.  He was the only other person Dean told that he didn’t want to have kids. You at least ate your fill of food because of the fact you were pregnant and needed to take care of your baby, the baby that Dean didn’t want. After you ate you went back to your room and decided to read a book until night fall. Dean finally came in and changed into his pajamas. He told you he loved you before you said your good nights and you returned with it with a soft kiss to his lips. After hours of failed attempts of trying to sleep, You looked at Dean again. He was fast asleep with his arm around you and his face buried in your hair. You turned your head away from him and slowly removed his arm from you. Carefully getting up from the bed you looked at your phone to look at the clock.

1:34 A.M. 

  You placed your phone down and got up, knowing that you weren’t going to be getting as much sleep as you would like. You carefully opened the door to yours and Dean’s room and walked out to the kitchen. Once you went to the kitchen, you went straight to the fridge and pulled out pickles and peanut butter form the cabinet.  One thing you could never get used to being pregnant, were the weird cravings. Without hesitation, you opened the jar of peanut butter and took a knife you had gotten out from the drawers. Taking a large pickle, you spread the peanut butter on the pickle. You then took a large bite out of the pickle and for some strange reason, the bizarre treat made you moan in pleasure. Pregnancy, it does weird things to a woman. You were about to take another bite when a familiar voice spooked you from behind.

“(Name).” The gruff voice called you, making you jump and drop your midnight snack. You whipped your whole body to see that it was Castiel right behind you, doing what he always did to you and the boys, scaring the living daylights out of you. 

“Jeeze, Cas!” You yell whispered when you saw the trench coat wearing angel in front of you. “Why do you do that?! Warn a girl next time!”

“Pardon my intrusion on your…” He looked at what was looking down at the food you dropped and back at you. “Nourishment? I know I am not knowledgeable about human cuisine, but I’m sure pickles and peanut butter sound awful together.” He observed as you picked up the pickle and threw in in the trash. 

“Yeah, I know. But I can’t help it, Cas.” You walked away and washed your hands again so that you can’t another peanut butter covered pickle. The cravings just would let up, even though you weren’t hungry. “Where were you?”

“I was in Israel, it’s officially heaven’s business so I can’t reveal much.” Castiel answered with a dull and gruff response.

“I guess. Now can you please leave so that I can eat my midnight snack in peace?” You snapped but then regrated snapping at your friend when you saw the hurt look on his face. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’m just having a rough week.”

“I can see that, and I can see that you are not being yourself. Your mood has changed much, and your appearance seemed…altered.” Castiel noted making you look at him slightly nervous. You stayed calm, not wanting him to grow more suspicious of your condition. 

“Like what?” You asked.

“Your face is more flushed, your more irritated and then return to your normal self within a second and you seem have this aura around you. A glow you would say.” Castiel explained and you look up at him, your eyes round like saucers.

“What do you mean ‘glow’, Cas?” You asked. 

“The glow of new life.” Castiel avowed making you squirm. “New life that is growing inside of you, (Name). You are with child.” Castiel correctly analyzed and your jaw dropped. 

“How did you know?” You asked, feeling like the air had left your lungs. 

“I can feel a second heartbeat coming it from you, and the lifeforce is very strong and pure. The light of every expecting human mother has throughout their pregnancy. The child is Dean’s, I am sure?” He asked a little too loud for your taste and covered his mouth with a sush. 

“Keep it down, or Sam or Dean are going to here you!” In a loud whisper while you kept your hand on Castiel’s mouth. “Yes, it is Dean’s but I haven’t told him yet.”

“Why not? I am sure Dean would be jovial about you expecting his child.” He asked while being genuinely confused. 

“Because Dean told me at lunch yesterday that he doesn’t want child. Ever.” You retorted bitterly when you then chopped on another pickle covered in peanut butter. 

“Ever?” Castiel raised an eyebrow at your statement, taken aback by what Dean had told you.

“Yes and he said his decision was ‘Absolute and full-on non-negotiable’.” You mocked your boyfriend’s words using air quotes and took another bite of your pickle, not caring how disgusting the idea of eating a pickle with peanut butter on it. 

“So, Dean isn’t going to change mind on it huh?” Castiel asked while your crunched on your snack and shook your head and rolled your eyes. “Then, want are you going to do? You and I both know how stubborn Dean is, and he’s not going to budge. When he decides on something, he is unlikely to change his mind.” 

“I know Cas!” You whined while you turned away from him and placed you hand on your head in frustration, groaning in frustration at what to do about your difficult position. “I have no idea what to do. I’m pregnant with Dean’s child! A child he doesn’t want! He told me that we shouldn’t be having a kid as hunters. I thought that I could convince him to leave the hunting life! That we can live normal life, but no! he said that there is no way he would be able to leave the life permanently! And it’s true! No matter how bad it was, he will always be pulled back into the life, one way or another! Our kid will never be safe!” You whispered yelled again, trying to make sure that you stayed quiet so that you wouldn’t wake Dean or Sam up. “You remembered what happened to Lisa and Ben, you are the one that erased their memories and Dean had to say goodbye, forever. I don’t want that to happened and I don’t to risk my child’s life.” You wanted to cry right then and there as the tears began to surface in your eyes. It seemed like all your emotions that you had bottled up for the past week were piling up. Now, you had just gotten the news that the love of your life doesn’t want kids, breaking your heart, while pregnant with his child. You start to weep silently but horribly. Covering your face with your hands, sobbing your aching heart out. Castiel, feeling every emotion that’s troubling you, walked up to you and embraced you in a tight hug. You wrapped your arms around Castiel’s shoulders, trying to find some sort of comfort from one of your best friends. You cried in Castiel’s chest staining his shirt. You were truly lost at what to do about your situation. Until, Castiel had spoken up and it made you wish he didn’t mention it.

“There is another option, (Name).” Castiel uttered quietly and then you looked up at him with a tear-stained face.

“What?” you speak up after crying your eyes out.

“You could get a-” 

“No!” You yell-whisper as you pushed him away from you, knowing very well what he was suggesting.

“Why?! (Name), you’re not seriously considering of having this baby?!” Castiel kept his voice low as he yelled but the anger was clear on his voice. 

“I’m not killing my baby, Cas.” You cried, feeling offended that the angel would even contemplate something as heartless as what Castiel was proposing. You knew what he was talking. He was asking you to abort your child. Castiel’s tone and expression came back to a calmer and more compassionate demeanor, regretting he even brought it up.

“I understand, (Name). I’m sorry for even considering it.  But you need to know Dean is not going to change his mind. His stubbornness knows no bounds, and so will his anger when he finds out that you had been hiding this pregnancy from him.”  He stated truthfully. “There is still time to consider your options. I suggest you do it before Dean finds out, or you may pay a much bigger price then what you feared, (Name).” Castiel walked away from you to who knows where, leaving you alone. The feeling of hopelessness overwhelmed you as you placed you hand on your stomach. What are you going to do?

….

    You went to back to bed with Dean, while trying to keep your distance from him. Still not getting a wink of sleep, you nevertheless got up when morning came and took a shower. You felt like you were on autopilot after your conversation with Castiel throughout the entire week.  You barely spoke to Dean and shot down any date night ideas. When Dean tried to give you physical affection and you had been pushing him away. Growing tired already of your attitude, he confronted you about it. 

“(Name), I have had enough of this. I’m tired of this silent treatment you had been giving me for the past week.” Dean snarled at you while you and making a list for your weekly supply run. You didn’t look at him as you replied to him.

“Dean, I really am not in the mood right now. I need to figure out what we need for the rest of the week.” You huffed at your boyfriend while going over the list you made. You wanted to go to the store so that you could clear your head from all the drama that you had been experiencing. It wasn’t good for your or the baby to be feeling stressed out. Dean, not appreciating his girlfriend’s indifference from him, grew angry. To get you to speak it him, he grabbed the list. Making you yelled and reach out for the piece of paper. “Dean! Give that back!”

“Not until you talk to me, (Name)! I’m not going to stand you ignoring me anymore and I have to know what is that matter with you!” He shot back as he took the list far out of your reach. You decided to relent and folded your arms, looking to get this talk with Dean over with.

“Fine, go ahead.” You demanded. 

“You have been really snippy with me lately and have been shooting down date nights and barely even let me hold you or touch you for the past week. Whenever I try to ask you what is wrong, you just barked at me and tell me to leave you alone. I feel like we are not even together anymore because of how distant you have become and it’s frankly getting to me!” He vented at you, while you stood as still as a statue looking at him. Dean’s expression soften a little, knowing that being cross with you was not going to work. You were your father’s daughter after all and Bobby never liked Dean talking back to him. “Please, just tell me what’s going on. It’s killing me that you aren’t talking to me. Did I say something? Do something? Is it the whole baby situation?” Dean begged as he began to let himself get more emotional and it made you feel a bit sorry for him. Does he really deserve this neglect that you had been giving him? No, Dean was a good person and it’s not his fault for him not wanting kids due his childhood. You understand him, you really do. No one wants to repeat the cycle of bad childhood experiences. It still doesn’t help the fact you were pregnant and refuse to tell him. It hurt too much to know that he won’t accept his own child. 

‘Maybe you just need some more time, you will tell him when the time is right.’

  Your conscious trying to reason and calm you from getting too heated, needing to think about the baby. You sigh sadly and dropped your arms to side. You don’t want to continue to fight with him, not when you loved him this much. In time, you will tell him and then you both can decide on what to do. 

“Dean, I’m sorry. I didn’t to make you feel like you weren’t loved and neglected. I do love you. I know you said you don’t want kids, and I understand. I just feel disappointed is all.” You said, feeling guilty that you were not telling Dean the whole truth. You feel like you were lying to him and that made you feel like the worst girlfriend ever. “I just need some air and being in this bunker is not good for me. When I get back from the grocery store, we can go out, Okay?” You sweetly asked him with a small smile to him. Dean relaxed and returned the smile as he gave you the list you were working on. Once he gave you back the piece of paper. You grabbed your jacket and purse before giving Dean a kiss on the lips before heading to the Bunker door. “I’ll see you later, okay?” 

“Okay, Love you.” He said looking at you with as you walked out the door. 

….

   You walked through the aisles of the store, nearly almost done getting your supplies for the week. You were now in the bakery section of the store looking at the different varieties of pie being sold in the bakery. You eyed one delicious looking apple pie freshly baked on the rack. You thought about getting it for Dean, hoping it might cheer him up after all the drama between you two. You asked the nice elderly woman if she could box up the pie you were eying. She packed the box right away and you said thank you for her help when you put the pie in the cart. You began to walk toward the frozen aisle to get the ice cream for the pie when someone had got in front of you. You bumped into them and looked up to see a dark-haired woman with tan skin standing in front of you. 

“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there. Are you okay?” You asked the lady in front of you. 

“I’m fine, but I’m afraid I can’t say the same for you, (Name) Singer.” She said and blink her once golden-brown eyes and suddenly turned to pitch black. Your eyes grew wide and by pure instinct, you opened your flask and threw some Holy water on the demon woman, making her scream. You ran from the scene and suddenly heard the woman screaming from the aisle. “GET HER!” Screamed the demon as a few other demons began to run after you and all the parking lot. You reached for the impala when you were caught by a pair of strong arms.

“There is no escape for you, little girl!” Sneered the male demon that was holding you hostage. Knowing that you need to protect your baby, you reached for your demon knife and with all your strength to stab the demon in the eye. He cried out as you pulled the demon knife from his eye and kicked him out of the way. You quickly got into the car and started the engine. You left the parking lot and drove off back to the bunker. You picked up your cellphone to call Dean to tell him what had happened. 

“(Name)! what up?” Dean answered the call after the first ring.

“Dean, I just got ambushed by a bunch of demons at the supermarket! They’re after me!” You panicked into your cellphone keeping your eyes on the road.

“What?! Are you okay?! Where are you?!”  Dean yelled worriedly through the t other line as you looked back to see a couple of cars speeding towards you and looked back and gasp when you saw two other cars that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, stopping you from going any further. You dropped the Cellphone, with Dean still on the other line. “(Name)! what happened?!” Dean continued to yell on th phone while a large black guy came at your door and ripped the door open while a white guy that was equal to his size grabbed you from your seat and dragged you out. 

“Let me go!!! The Winchesters are going to kill you when they find you!” You threatened as you struggled in the arms of the man holding you. A car pulled up as more people got out of the cars. You figured that they were all demons. The car pulled forward and out came the woman you splashed holy water at the store. You scowled at the demoness as she stepped closer to you. “Dean will find me and when he does, he’s going to kill you.” You threaten and all the demons snickered at you. 

“Where we are taking you, Dean won't have a God damn chance of finding you. When we are finished with you, we will send you back to him piece by piece.” She smirked as she looked behind you at the demon that was holding you. She nodded and sudden intense pain hit you. Everything turned black making you completely helpless at the hands of demons that could do anything to you.

Chapter 3

[aliusfrater]

almost all s8 opinions regarding sam make me want to tear my hair out but what do you make of the takes that we can't really blame sam for s8, mainly not looking for dean/quitting hunting because it was "out of character"?

not just the you know who shippers who say this either btw I've seen so-called sam stans say the same

the evidence to this claim always seems to be that jared supposedly didn't like it either (which may very well be true idk the source) but I have to wonder if jared only said that or something similar because fan reactions to s8 sam began affecting him too

quite simply, i just don't agree with or enjoy interpretations that genuinely and earnestly refer to it as sam 'not looking for dean' in any context that's intended to be from sam's point of view because that's very much what dean considers it to be because he knows that he wasn't dead in the soul-had-left-his-body sense and he considers sam's adherence to his own perceived death as abandonment which is the major culprit of his own, sam's as well as the narrative's perpetuation of the idea that sam 'didn't look for him'. like this exact idea from sam's own pov is touched on in the first episode of season eight when sam is at his most confident in his independence away from his and dean's relationship:

then based on bobby's reaction to sam's own recount of dean's death to bobby in 8.19, it does seem evident to me that sam neglects to retell his own pov and he tells bobby that dean was in the same purgatory they were currently in, which is why bobby reacts with disbelief (because if you knew where he was, why didn't you attempt to save him?) and why sam's response is to bring up the previous 'agreement' he and dean had about death.

i have my own qualms about bobby's disillusionment re: the agreement as a 'non-agreement' and that he 'taught [sam] that' based on the actual events of 6.01 and the fact that bobby does indeed leave dean out of hunting at sam's will and the only plausible point at which it could have become a non-agreement is during the 6.11 and 6.12 conflict that is regaining sam's soul (without sam's consent, twice fold, but i consider soulless!sam to be more of a direct victim of being resouled than i do sam because of his active agency against it. sam's agency was preceded in his dying wishes and are therefore passive). bobby's reaction does, however, add to the already narratively skewed perspective of sam's decision where there is already that prioritisation of dean's 'didn't look for me' on account of the fact that bobby's own role as patriarch does narratively match dean's, along with bobby's position as a character who is narratively third to sam and dean's relationship (which then then bleeds into both sam's and the fandom's own interpretation of it, i think; sam also begins to doubt his decisions more which is also related to how the trials turn into his own suicidal ideation).

the conflict regarding which brother takes on the trials is very much foundational within sam's own view of a light at the end of the tunnel and his desire to leave the life and dean, at multiple points, within conversation about why he should be the one to do the trials, reiterates sam's own desire for normalcy away from hunting, within what dean himself desires for sam's life, which bring us back to the root of the issue that is dean's fear of abandonment (8.03, 8.14).

sam's own desire or attempt to leave the life seems to be fundamentally Wrong or is at least disproved of until dean approves of it/whenever it's part of dean's ideal for sam. 8.01, "so… free will, that's only for you?" the greatest sin is to disobey your patriarch; i think the culprit here re: sam's own person, just like it was with season four and the beginnings of soulless!sam, seems to be sam's rejection of the dynamics of his and dean's codependency in favour of his own attempt at independence. there's also the idea that dean would rather complete the trials that have a possibility of death than have sam go through the trials, die, then 'leave' dean to face the idea of living a life without sam—and he attempts to make this decision by on his own, without sam's input.

generally, i don't believe sam needs any excuse(s) to live a life outside of dean but the narrative's own facilitation of sam back into the non-role (the struggle to fit into the role) of his and dean's relationship, the dichotomy of monstrosity, the cycle of abuse, the patriarchal structure etc. etc. after his attempts at independence are endlessly interesting to me and although this isn't yelled at you through explicit exploration, i do consider aspects of sam's history with mental health to be relevant within several aspects of season eight, but mostly being related to sam's decision to leave hunting specifically within the context of the year between seasons seven and eight (especially after all that is seasons three to seven) as it's explored in 8.08. ultimately though, i think the major aspects of sam's decision to leave revolve around 1) grief and sam's avoidance of his grief, which is pretty well represented by his initial reluctance to name riot and explored through sam and amelia as mirroring characters (how blatant it is pisses me off a little),

and 2) the very basic building block regarding sam as a character that is his desire to leave the life. quite generally, i think the fact that through dean's own conflation of family and hunting (on account of john's own pov that through choosing college over hunting, sam had also chosen college over family) as well as dean's own pov prioritised through his and sam's relationship along with the previously mentioned structures, the idea that sam, too, is therefore unable to leave the life or subvert any of these structures without it being perceived as leaving dean or forsaking family is pretty neglected within a lot of interpretations of sam as a character. i think dean very much keeps sam tethered to the life either through sam's own ability to choose dean and their conflated lifestyle over something/someone else (later season one, season two, three, later nine to fifteen) (there's also the guilt tripping) or as a result of being preoccupied in a way that inhibits his idea of normalcy (his monstrosity in seasons four and five), but on account of the dynamics and his and dean's relationship, sam is unable to reject their codependency which perpetuates hunting and SamAndDean as existing synonymously. i mean, even when sam was hunting without dean as soulless!sam, on account of the agency and autonomy sam was able to achieve due to the differences between s!sam and sam's priorities due to the difference between then (the soul lol), s!sam's rejection of his and dean's relationship did become evidence for his monstrosity. which is, of course, punishable by (possible) death should dean decide that the dichotomy will not stretch to accommodate said monstrosity.

season eight, to me, is when these characters first start feeling a bit like cardboard, especially due to how wittled down to its core sam and dean's dynamic is represented. this is the most boring and basic version of How They Work at this point in the show and even then people explain their simple and cardboard-ish behaviours away with explanations like saying they're 'ooc'. sam's state of mind is pretty straight forward if you know where to look; sam taking his entire family's death as his sign that he's able to leave the life is not out of character to me at all. kill the supernatural appointed patriarch in your head.

[sam-winchester-admiration-league]

Why Carry On was the best possible ending

Complete review here (X).  The following are excerpts:

I’ve heard the complaints, Dean deserved happiness too.  Trust me when I say, he got it.  All he ever wanted was for Sam to have a normal life.  His entire life mission was to assure that.  He also knew the life would get him. 

Dean took on that role of protecting Sam proudly when he was only four years old!  Remember season two’s “What is and What Should Never Be?”  In his ideal world, Sam and Jessica were together and he went to law school.  He couldn’t live with the thought of Sam being dead, thus triggering the demon deal in “All Hell Breaks Loose Part II”  where he essentially sacrificed himself so Sam could live. Everything he did through most of the series was to protect Sam.   He had an angel posses Sam in season nine so his brother could heal from his mortal wounds, knowing it went against Sam’s wishes.  Then he did the unthinkable, he said “Yes” to Michael in season 13’s “Let the Good Times Roll,” something he would have never done if Sam’s life wasn’t at stake.    

At the same time, Dean only ever saw hunting as the life for himself.  He tried family life with Ben and Lisa because Sam made him promise during “Swan Song,” but it didn’t work out.  It never felt right to him.  Or how about this crucial piece of dialogue season 8’s “Trial and Error?”  (Which happens to be an Andrew Dabb script).  He pretty much spelled out where he saw both of their futures.

They established in the Pilot right away that all Sam ever wanted was a normal life.  That was constantly reinforced through the series.  There was season four’s “After School Special,” where young Sam talked to his teacher about not wanting to go into the family business.  Even one of the more recent episodes, “Drag Me Away (From You),” reminded us of that desire.  In season 8, after Dean was gone, Sam went after that normal life and enjoyed it, but was pulled back into hunting when Dean came back.  When he had the chance to go back to Amelia and have that domestic life, he chose to stay with Dean because they still had more work to do.  He stayed with Dean out of duty to his brother, but the hints, like him pursuing a relationship with Eileen, were always there that he wanted more.

There has also been mention through the series, like season 8’s “As Time Goes By,” about legacy.  The Winchester family name was important and was meant to continue.  There was Mary’s family, The Campbells, who were a hunting family.  The tradition of hunting and saving people went too deep into the family blood.  It would have been nice if both Sam and Dean could have children, but it was often foreshadowed that would be Sam’s destiny.  It seems fitting that it would be Sam, since he was the one doomed from the start by Mary’s deal.  He was the one that John and Dean fought so hard to protect.  He was the one that ultimately could pull off that life because he was the one that desired it.  

Dean’s last heroic act was making sure Sam would get his normal life.  He broke the cycle of the Winchesters cheating death, paying the ultimate sacrifice so Sam could move on. This whole saving each other started with season one’s “Faith,” and each rescue from the jaws of death proved to be more and more catastrophic to the natural order.  They were always living on borrowed time.  Dean knew that Sam would never have the life he wanted with him around.  He finally did the right thing and let go and made Sam promise to let go as well.  By doing that at the end they both found peace, just in different ways.  

[hellosupernatural]

Season 1, Episode 12, "Faith"

dean is dying (for the first time), the episode

its kind of cool having a cold open right at the end of a rescue mission because thats probably what it looks like from the perspective of the rescuee, suddenly these people just burst in and save you, all heroic and macho

i wonder if the episode's events ever get mentioned again in the show, or if it impacts sam and dean, cause i really dont remember this being a thing aha, although i do remember the monster, i just dont remember dean dying being the reason they happened upon this episode's baddie

its interesting how easily dean accepts his impending death, maybe because he's relieved that neither his brother nor father are dead or dying. thats probably the ideal end for him, one in which he lived his life serving his family, and spent none of it grieving them. but also i can imagine thats sad to him, he would want to be alive to protect them

its so interesting that sam goes to the miracle worker, something that would be a quack job to normal people, but a viable option to sam because he knows the supernatural exists

OMG DARLA FROM BUFFY, i wonder if i recognized her when i first watched the show

dean is reluctant to be healed by the healer. this is really sensible characterization for him that fits in with what i remember of his character in the future. reluctant to accept help, in part because he feels undeserving of such goodness because he himself hasn't done enough good or has done too much bad

omg dean is 27? thats basically my age now...

i know im so biased because i adore benz' performance in buffy and angel, but i just feel like her performance as leyla is so vibrant, she really commands attention

i almost forgot, i started making these episode reactions because i was so in love with julie benz' performance in this episode i wanted to do reviews so i could keep track of guest performances that i felt were genuinely good, and not just good for an SPN filler

its really interesting how sam breaks the news to dean about roy trading life for life thinking he's healing the dying. he talks to dean as if he's apologizing to dean rather than upset at the loss of innocent lives. i wouldnt be surprised if, while unhappy about the death of an innocent man in place of dean, he's mostly ok with the outcome so long as dean is still alive

which kind of reminds me of dean's blase attitude in the beginning of the episode, while unhappy about sam's distress, hes mostly ok as long as he knows sam and dad are alive and healthy

i love every time kripke gets to overlay music on a scene, he's great at picking songs

also, introduction of a reaper! so exciting!

i cant get over how good dean and leyla's chemistry is, it also helps that the two visually look good together, it's a shame this is their only episode together

what a crappy situation, dean feeling like he didnt deserve to live, and feeling like shit that he doesnt want another innocent life to go so he has to prevent leyla from getting healed even though she deserves life

i cant believe dean didnt just snatch the necklace from the reverend's wife

i also wish that dean could just explain whats happening to leyla, but i guess the darkness of the information, knowing that she believed in a god that would support roy's healing, knowing that she just supported a creative string of murders, would probably be even more distressing then just dying

interesting lingering glance when sam is like "you cant just play god." i think that dean wishes he were dying instead of leyla

this is a very good dean episode, i think because its an episode that hits to the core of dean's values/bottom line, which lays an interesting boundary for how viewers should understand him. clarity is so important for any works and its effectiveness, so i think thats what i enjoy about this episode

aww, roy started asking for sue ann. i wonder if he feels the rush of the supernatural when the exchange of life occurs. i also wonder if he sense sue ann was dying

lol, reverend's wife dies and they just drive off real speedily, and the cops dont immediately suspect him

i love dean's carefully blank expression when leyla tells him that the healing didnt work

"it must hurt to believe in something so much only to have it disappoint you like that." ok dean, could be about leyla and roy's healing...OR YOU AND YOUR DAD, DEAN

"if youre gonna have faith, you cant just have it when the miracles happen, you have to have it when they dont." ok leyla...i guess that can also apply to dean and his dad

leyla touches dean's head similar to how the reverend touches the heads of the ailing

"im not much of the praying type, but, im gonna pray for you." ugh, thats such a good line, actually makes me tear up. i find it very relatable. i work in a music ministry, but im not christian, but i still join in some of the prayers because, although i dont believe in god, i believe in many of the sentiments of some of the chants and recitations. if you have the fortune of being with a good group of people, i believe in the importance of sharing those sentiments because, in this case, the good will and well-being of others is more important than the why-of-it, whether through faith to god or otherwise. i think its very significant for dean to want to pray for leyla, not because he believes in god and his ability to help her, but because he himself holds her in his thoughts, and because she believes that the shared good will of people will help heal the people.

anyways, fantastic episode, really up my alley, super tight performances, thematic structure, and character writing. 9/10

OMG wait john winchester not coming to save dean is so funny, god he's the fucking worst. 9.5/10 lol

wait a second, netflix release of supernatural dont have permissions to use the original tracks for the earliest season(s) so the reaper intro didnt use oyster. i pity kripke for such a massacre of his vision. 9.6/10 lol

[golden-bubblebee]

Bubbles watches SPN pt5? Annotations throughout the episodes.

Season 2

Series 2 breaking my heart right out of the gates huh

Dean Kill count: 4

I mean how even, bestie we have only just reached series 2

Omg sams acting during this scene is phenomonal

The relief on his face oh my lord it made me cry

JOHN YOU FUCKING LYING PIECE OF SHIT OF A DICKWAD

Did John Bitchester trade his life for Deans

Jup. Jup he did

What crazy fucked up child smiles at the clown standing in the garden staring at her in the middle of the night

It got long. Get readmored

GIRL WTF??? STRANGER DANGER?? (Small child let's clown into her house)

more thoughts. now this isn't always the case but very often um hitting someone is a taught behaviour, right. But um Dean hits Sam a couple of times and you can argue that this is because they live quite a violent life. but there's a theme, the things they fight always fight back, it is always violent towards them. but we see Dean hits Sam a couple of times when he's not being physically violent when they re just having an argument so um theory John bichester also beat the shit out of a dean

Jo! You cant be angy at them bc of the sins of the father

Because Dean and Sam are the main characters you get very used to them and their banter and so it becomes very familiar

meaning that now in the next episode when I got to see the intro where Dean is holding hostages?? My first reaction was literally to laugh and go 'oh dean what did you get yourself into this time'

SAMMY IS A CHRISTIAN???

Sometimes you learn things abt a man

Like a daily prayer, this guy?

SAMMY WTF

🎶my daddy shot your daddy in the head🎶

Why do they keep saying 'waste' instead of 'kill'

Dean death count:5

Welp nvm

HOW DID BOBBY KNOW SO QUICK???? (That Sam was possesed, I'm guessing)

I love that in this episode they basically called Bobby over to be their Dad

KATE??

Kate from teenwolf is abt to get killed

Thats great catharsis

And ofcourse the bitch dont die

John shouldve been killed so much sooner so bobby could raise em instead

Oh man I fucking love Madison (werewolf girlie)

I need her to be part of the gang

No

Nuhu

No no no

Im crying

I dont like this episode

Nono (werewolf girlie had to die)

YOU CANT MAKE DEAN CRY

ISNT MY BOY HURTING EBOUGH YET

No wtf

Dont hurt my boys like this

Wtffff

There better be Maddison lives ABO fics out there

I need this guy to have a sweet lovung gf

I mean, he has good puppy dog eyes for suffering and painBut like, the guy smiles real cute too yk

Yk. Them breaking in to get themselves arrestet is very funny and all until you remember that the fbi have a frigging open case on dean

IM SORRY IM IN PAIN AGAIN

You are telling me that Deans biggest wish is that their dad never went demon hunting and thus never got them ended up in this life

Oh my fucking god the mom is going to be alive isnt she

Bunbun (my friend) I dont like this show it hurts me more often than merlin did

Dean hahahah this man has no tact

No im sorry his exitement to mown a lawn is actually heartbtreaking

It shows how severely he lacked normalcy and how deeply he craves it

Another thought

The. Fact. That. John. Is. Still. Dead. In. Deans. Ideal. World.

*War flashbacks* (my fellow AFTG fans will understand)

His impact on the wolrd😭😭😭

No Bunbun help I literally -sobbed-

When dean is talking to johns grave 'why do I have to be the hero. Does mom not deserve her life? Doed sammy not deserve to be happy?'

Sam slaugher count: 1

Gotta love that the literal demon from hell says 'im proud of ya' more often than their own father does

Love that NOBODY is surprised the guy crawled out of hell (john bitchester)