#safelives

[camillasgirl]

Queen Camilla’s Patronages

SafeLives

We are SafeLives, the UK-wide charity dedicated to ending domestic abuse, for everyone and for good. No one should live in fear. It is not acceptable, not inevitable, and together – we can make it stop. We believe that domestic abuse can be stopped. Stopped before it starts. Stopped before it ruins lives. Every year, over two million people in the UK experience domestic abuse. Not one of them should have to wait until they're in crisis before we pay attention. And why do we say "for good"? Because we want to stop it before it starts. And if it does start, we want a response that provides long-term, wraparound support to decrease the chance it will happen again. Too many perpetrators repeat their behaviour, too many children grow up impacted by the long-term effects of domestic abuse.The cycle needs to stop. Forever. For everyone. 

“I want to say how proud I am to have become Patron of SafeLives. SafeLives will always stick in my memory from the first visit I paid there…that was the moment when I thought, goodness I’ve got to do something to help these people.“ - Queen Camilla

[fee-phy-fo-fum]

ALRIGHT. enough about wtf au loop and back to the plot!!

(quick summary of wtf au, siffrin wakes up in dormont after dying to the rock trap and no one rmbrs him. thanks loop.)

sus quest!! its progress is in act 2 and 4.

talking to odile in act 2 is difficult and requires. both mirabelle and isabeau to vouch for siffrin before she even considers that yeah. maybe we did know this person. and! the party needs to vouch in the right way. siffrin tries, at first, to prove it by saying things about the party that no one else should know, and everyone else will give the benefit of doubt and try to vouch for siffirn, but odile will drop the stalker line if thats all the convincing done.

and siffrin needs to talk to odile in act 2!! because otherwise no one lets him talk to bonnie for too long. and the goal in act 2 is the convince everyone that they did know them once and shenanigans happen.

so thats act 2 sus quest.

act 4 sus quest is when siffrin gets a little... sloppy. this is the act where siffrin spends the entire time stalking the party through the house btw. when he's not fast enough, when things fall in place a little too easily for everyone, odile gets suspicious in a "everythings convenient. almost... too convenient" way. which culminates in a confrontation scene at the end of floor two.

[aketan]

new creature: iva-san and his aether snack

[hacked-by-jake]

frr, idk what we'd do w/o oyu here 😭😭

Noooo! Stop! Jenididueije! Damn, why are you sooooo kind, I can't handle this! 🥹💚

But seriously, you can't imagine how much your words mean to me. I'm just glad that I'm allowed to be here with all of you. Even if this current situation is a bit weird and we're all a bit shocked.. I couldn't imagine a better fandom and more wonderful people to share all this with.

So, I don’t know what I would do without you all! 💚

[strohller27]

.

[dopescissorscashwagon]

Queen Camilla joins SafeLives' Changemakers in a discussion with the SafeLives Charity at Buckingham Palace on April 16, 2024 in London, England.

The group of 14-20 year-olds help to guide the charity's response to issues facing young people, with a particular focus on exploring and promoting healthy relationships.

[safo98]

@ariyondjaneee

Does everyone sleep safel

Do you hug your children before bed kiss them and leave them safely to sleep

Unfortunately I am afraid when the evening comes

I hug my children and do not let

them go

I'm afraid to lose them

How terrifying this@binglam @aeonastra @lovetododeku @libertineangel @straycatj @skunkes @the-telltale-heart @notallmensheviks @opposite-of-aster @godspersonalclown @gh0stcup @garbagepuyo @horrificgoth @jolesofthehowls @xoxo-devdas @dualitysdownfall @dirhwangdaseul @jdon @stopmotionguy @myceliacrochet @biconicfinn @milfstalin @bahrmp3 @butchniqabi @kamek @riotbard @bakugames-fr @homkamiro @helpimagirlboyfailure @cagandante-communistoide @ohemaa-warrior @handweavers @pocket-deer-boy @bedufairy @hiveswap @jewishdainix @yekkes @ebenroot-daily @mdq @lab-practicum @goldenspirits @pikslasrce @timetravellingkitty @pyaasa @saint-oleander @elfilibusterismo @opencommunion @ankle-beez @felumatsu @jellyfishinajamjar@dirhwangdaseul @b0nkcreat @tamamita @chokulit @3000s @apas-95 @pitbolshevik @ot3 @punkitt-is-here @vampiricvenus @turtletoria @paper-mario-wiki @valtsv @omegaversereloaded @i-am-a-fish @catsgifsarefun @spongebobssquarepants @postanagramgenerator @feluka @nyancrimew @90-ghost @beserkerjewel @neechees @memingursa @certifiedsexed @afro-elf @11thsense @sawasawako @spacebeyonce @skipppppy @beetledrink @fools-and-perverts2 @dailyquest @evillesbianvillain @wolfertinger666 @taffybuns @ankle-beez @sabertoothwalrus @meshugenist @isuggestforcefem @hotvampireadjacent @jellyfishinajamjar

[stanestreet]

As a November 2024 report by the think tank the Other Half puts it, what are described as “mercy killings” are “very frequently the violent domestic homicide of elderly, infirm or disabled women by men”. Women are the majority of unpaid carers – 80 per cent, according to the King’s Fund. But, strangely, they appear much less likely than men to become “mercy killers”.

This discrepancy is impossible to separate from the wider belief in society that women are a kind of property owned by men. It is seen as a woman’s natural obligation to look after a man, but when a man has to look after a woman, it becomes an unreasonable imposition.

Hence the sympathy a man can draw on if he kills his wife while feeling overwhelmed by her needs. Mungall claimed to have seen an expression in his wife’s eyes “like an animal who needs to be put down and cannot say it” – a comparison that makes him the owner and her the pet.

Are we really supposed to believe that a man who feels that way about his wife is incapable of pressuring her into applying for a medically assisted suicide? In response to concerns from critics of the bill about this possibility, supporters of the bill have pointed to what they regard as its extensive safeguards. Simon Opher MP, a former GP and a member of the bill committee, has even said it is “judging doctors harshly to say that they will not spot coercion”.

Personally, I find Opher’s statement less reassuring and more indicative of a disturbingly blasé attitude to the possibility of abuse. In the limited window of a consultation, it is all too easy for a doctor to miss the signs. A YouGov survey for the charity SafeLives found that half of healthcare professionals felt unable to identify domestic violence. Sometimes, the doctor in question might even be actively untrustworthy: think of Harold Shipman, whose victims were predominantly elderly women.

The more common scenario, though, is the patient who, through lengthy cruelty and coercion from a partner or carer, becomes genuinely convinced that she (or sometimes he) is a burden who would be better off dead. Such a person may even refuse treatment, causing a curable disease to become terminal and placing them within the purview of the bill.

Legislators should be profoundly alert to this danger. Left unaddressed, it could place the state in the grotesque position of becoming a lawful accomplice to abusers. Yet unaddressed it remains. Of the nearly 50 individuals who gave oral evidence to the Public Bill Committee, not one was an expert in male violence or coercive control. (Jane Monckton Smith, an academic who studies femicide, was called but unable to attend; the committee did not attempt to find a substitute for her.)

From the start, the Terminally Ill Adults Bill has been a rush job – in the words of one former Labour adviser, “a quick-and-dirty policy development process that wouldn’t be close to good enough for 99 per cent of the laws made on our behalf”. If it becomes law, Labour risks turning the healthcare system into an executioner for those most in need of protection.

How the assisted dying bill could unleash male violence

[camillasgirl]

Queen Camilla hosts a reception for survivors, frontline professionals and supporters of SafeLives to mark the charity's 21st anniversary, Clarence House, London, 01.04.2025

[mangoslam]

'Dating Chrissy' - Hellcheer Fic - Oneshot

'It seemed that word had traveled to all the bachelors of Hawkins High that the Queen Bee herself was open to dating (and her bonehead ex was safely out of the picture). So it fell to the brave and brightest knights to try for her hand.' Chrissy's single and Nancy encourages her to try dating. Eddie's not so thrilled. Eventual happy ending and post-Vecna. Also on Archive.

Eddie cupped his hands together and yelled… “Cunningham! C’mere. You’re a goddamn genius!”

The entire hallway seemed to freeze and then turn as one to peer at the head cheerleader who was trying (and failing) not to giggle. She was scooping out books from her locker with a very bemused looking Robin Buckley waiting beside her. Both of them were well used to Eddie’s dramatics. 

Chrissy grinned. “Yeah? No duh, Munson. Tell me something I don’t know.” 

Eddie was beaming from ear to ear as he strode towards her, weaving round the surprised students like he didn’t even notice or care about the stares. That Eddie Munson and Chrissy Cunningham were friends was old news by now and so were the rumors about devil worship and black magic and so forth. No, for some explicable reason Chrissy seemed to enjoy The Freak’s company and their peers moved onto the next boiling pot of hot gossip. 

They didn’t know that the perfect and angelic looking Chrissy was a glorified freak at heart too.

(and boy how she’d squealed when Eddie first pointed it out, after stumbling across her trying to headbang - adorably - to his mix tape. She’d swatted his arm and said ‘Eddie!’ in such a breathy happy voice that it became a badge of honor now. Big bad scary Eddie had softened like cookie dough at the mere sight). 

More importantly perhaps, the other students at Hawkins High didn’t know about spring break or how the pair teamed up with other loveable misfits (‘The Party,’ Henderson dubbed them) to save the world like freakin’ superheroes. 

Chrissy had nearly died that evening in Eddie’s trailer and that was a decent enough ice breaker, all things considered. Ever since then they’d sort of been thrown together - the loser junkie and Queen Bee - and it turned out they made an excellent duo. Chrissy brought the brains and the brawn, and Eddie had a smart mouth and wheels. 

That kind of thing formed friendships, you know? As did carrying around the secret of Vecna all these weeks later because it was supposed to be kept totally hush hush. 

Annoyingly the government suits thanked them all most profusely and patched up their wounds - but their thanks didn’t extend to canceling finals or handing out honorary diplomas. Which meant the older kids still had to knuckle down and study. 

So all in all, things were looking pretty swell for Eddie right now. 

He presented his latest Math test like it was the holy grail itself, spun from solid gold. 

“B plus, baby, which means…drumroll please, Buckley…” he grinned as Robin dutifully taped her knuckles against the locker. “...I’ve passed O'Donnell’s class! The school’s gonna have no choice but let me graduate in green this summer, so long as I keep my head down and play nice. This dumbass you see before you is going to finally graduate. I fucking knew 1986 was going to be my year!” 

Chrissy gave a loud whoop and bounced on the tips of her sneakers. She looked like she wanted to launch into a whole new cheer routine just for him. 

“Eddie! That’s amazing news! I’m so proud of you!”

Eddie laughed and swung his arms around her waist before picking her up and spinning them around in circles. Chrissy giggled against his chest and didn’t seem to mind even though they were causing a small spectacle (Eddie didn’t give a shit but Chrissy could sometimes get blushy and pink if people paid her too much attention). In the distance, somewhere, Eddie heard Robin offer her own congratulations and pat him on the back. 

“Knew you could do it, Eddie!” Chrissy was saying. "I just knew it."

He set her down and jammed the test safely into his backpack. He couldn’t wait to show it to Wayne. Though his uncle never scolded him for his piss poor efforts with school before, he held out hope Eddie might someday find the motivation to straighten up and apply himself. 

(the government did fork out a tidy sum of cash in exchange for their silence and Wayne right away set up a college fund for Eddie (while he lay unconscious, being sewn back together like Frankenstein's monster). There was enough left over for Eddie to buy a brand new van and amp for his guitar which cheered him up). 

Maybe Eddie would actually get to use that fund now. 

“Nah, it’s all down to you, sweetness. Couldn’t have done it without your expert tutorage. Gonna buy you some candy or a big bunch of flowers to say thanks. What’s your poison? Roses? Want some wildflowers, Chriss? Or what about…what are they called? Chrysanthemums, like your name. I’ll fill your bedroom with them.” 

When she first offered her help, he’d not been optimistic honestly. A dumbass is a dumbass, right? But hell, Chrissy was a wonderful study buddy and again they proved they made an excellent team. He thought about all those late nights together studying old test papers, the cute revision cards she made with her pink and purple gel pens, the study timetable she decorated with stickers. Turns out Eddie’s a sucker for a gold shiny star sticker...especially when Chrissy herself pressed it to the tip of his nose.

O'Donnell should seriously take notes.

Chrissy swiped her hand against his arm playfully and gave it a squeeze. “Eddie, you’re sweet, but you don’t need to do that. You worked really hard and earned this fair and square. We talked about it... the answers were already there in your brain - just whizzing around like bats. You just needed help focusing and writing it all down.”

“We should celebrate!” Robin suddenly interjected. Eddie and Chrissy both seemed to jump, as though they’d forgotten she was a part of the conversation. “This definitely feels like something we should celebrate with cliche party hats and balloons. How about Saturday night at Steve’s place? We’ve got the night off work and I know his calendar... he’s got like zero plans.”

The bell rang so Chrissy shouldered her heavy backpack and they began to walk towards the lunch hall. 

Feeling a bit guilty for leaving her out, Eddie flashed Robin a huge grin and said that sounded great. They began to talk about logistics, invites, playlists, and Robin promised to bring along a pack of her dad's fancy imported beers if Eddie swore not to play any Black Sabbath. 

“As long as you don’t force me in the pool again, I’m sweet, ‘cause these glorious curls can’t handle it. And I’m not playing strip poker with you again because you clearly cheated last time and Steve nearly had a stroke,” Eddie chuckled. He noticed Chrissy was a bit quiet and gently bumped her shoulder. “How about it, Cunningham? Party this weekend at Harrington’s mansion? It’s time I finally showed you how to hangbang like a true rockstar.” 

Chrissy bit her lower lip. 

On hindsight Eddie should’ve known that things were going just too well for him. He was due a cosmic kick between the legs.

Chrissy began to speak and three things happened to Eddie all at once. His legs forgot how to function so he missed a step, his stomach heaved like he was going to seriously throw up, and it felt like some devilish spirit had just tipped an ice cold bucket of water over his head. It wasn't pretty.

“I…I’ll be there, Eddie, of course…but I might be a little late,” she said slowly. “I’ve got a…well… a date. You know Andrew from English class, Robin? Well he asked me if I wanted to see that new horror film this Saturday and I kinda' said yes. It’ll be rude to rearrange last minute, but it’s an early showing so maybe I can ask him to drop me off at Steve’s place after? You think he’ll mind?”

Eddie was vaguely aware of Robin saying something like oh wow. That’ll be fun, Chrissy. I’m sure Andrew won’t mind dropping you off afterwards. I thought you hated horror films or did he suggest it so he could play the ‘oh she’s scared so I’ll hold her hand’ move? Guys are seriously stupid. Is this your first date since…you know…?

Chrissy nodded.

“Since Jason? Yeah. I know it’s only been a month... but Nancy knows Andrew from the school newspaper and says he’s a real great guy. She thinks I should…what did she call it? ‘Put myself out there’…and try dating again. I got with Jason when we were freshman, you know, and it all happened so fast. He gave me his letterman jacket and we went out for milkshakes …and then we were suddenly boyfriend and girlfriend. He’s the only guy I’ve seriously dated…which I guess sets a pretty low bar,”  she added with a blush. 

It hardly needed saying but none of Chrissy’s new friends liked her stick-up-the-ass ex-boyfriend Jason Carver. Since the first day he’d been an absolute boor about Chrissy helping the party fight Vecna and threw his weight around when he felt ignored or sidelined (which he usually was). 

Chrissy admitted they’d been on the rocks for ages and his speech at the pep rally was when she knew for certain it was truly over. She’d just…outgrown him. 

And now she was talking about dating again. 

Eddie noticed that her hand closest to him was twitching and she was gnawing at her lip so hard it was in danger of being chewed right off. He suddenly felt like the world’s biggest jackass when she clearly needed a friend right now. 

Sighing inwardly, he took a deep breath. He tried to look supportive just like Robin. “You know what? I think that sounds great.”

Chrissy and Robin both looked up at him.

Chrissy’s baby blue eyes seemed to widen. “Oh Eddie, I’m being so selfish. If you want me to cancel, of course I will. It’s amazing news and I do want to celebrate with you. Honestly…do you want me to take a rain check?”

“No no, it’s fine. I’ll see you afterwards anyway, right? We can hang out then. You should go on the date, Chriss. Honestly.” 

“...Really?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely. It’ll be good for you to…put yourself out there. Nancy's right.”

“Oh. Okay…if you’re sure."

“Totally sure. Fly your freaky flag, Cunningham.”

He even pumped his fist into the air for good measure.

Chrissy smiled and then excused herself to go to the bathroom. 

Eddie and Robin waited outside and Robin peered across at him. She was wearing such a painfully exasperated expression that Eddie couldn’t ignore it…though it would serve her right if he did. He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair before speaking, knowing full well where this conversation was heading. 

He’d had similar awkward chats with Nancy and Steve and Dustin which usually resulted in a lot of eye rolling (and name calling). 

“You look like an owl.”

“I’m just flabbergasted, Munson. Truly flabbergasted.” 

“Right…go ahead and spit it out before you explode.” 

“The wonderfully beautiful and amazing Chrissy Cunningham, who is honestly too good for the likes of any of us really, just asked if you were sure she should date…and you responded with…and I quote… let your ‘freaky flag fly’. You know that was the exact moment in chick flicks where the romantic hero finally admits their true feelings, and they both swoon and kiss face. It was the perfect setup…”

“Buckley…I swear to god...” 

“You’ve been making gooey eyes at Chrissy since day one, Munson, and now she’s ditched dickhead Carver and ready to move on…and you give her your blessing? Really? You’re seriously okay with the idea of her dating Andrew and holding hands and smooching and…”

“Okay…okay…hush!” 

The hallway was pretty busy and although Robin was using her inside voice, Eddie was still nervous about being overheard especially with her throwing around words like swoon and smooch. And also yeah…he wasn’t totally over the moon with picturing Chrissy doing any of that stuff with whoever the hell this Andrew was. 

“What exactly am I supposed to say?” he shrugged. He crossed his arms like a shield.

"You could start with being honest."

“Fine...here's the shitty truth. Did I think that maybe there was something between me and Chriss when everything went down with Vecna? Sure, yeah. I’d freak out when she flirted back or hugged me…but clearly I was wrong or misread things, and she only sees me as a friend. Which is fine, by the way, being her friend is a fucking honor.”

Robin was shaking her head. “Dude, it wasn’t nothing. We all noticed it.”

“Yeah? Look, it doesn’t matter either way. Deep down I knew how this fantasy would play out and I’ve got no expectations. This is reality. She’s going to a good college after summer and she’s so smart she’ll ace it and have this amazing perfect life…and my dumbass will only hold her back. I know how goddamn beautiful and amazing Chrissy is, okay? She’s a fucking angel. But I’m…me… and like you just said, she’s so far out of my league it’s like we’re a different species; she’s some lovely elf and I’m this cave goblin. I get it. In the real world…me and her just don’t make sense. I know it. She knows it. You know it.” 

Shit. He hadn't meant to let it all come pouring out at once. Clearly he'd been bottling up more teenage angst than he knew.

Robin was looking at him now with something akin to surprise and sympathy. She was evidently not expecting this outpour of brutal honesty from him. Sarcasm and jokes maybe, or him telling her to go to hell, but not whatever this was. For all her wise cracks and joking, Robin was annoyingly perceptive.

“Big words for a fantasy nerd. She’s your fairy muse, the princess at the end of the quest. You think you can really let her go?” she asked after a pause. 

“If this really was a dumb movie and I admitted all this stuff…you know what would happen? A big fat nothing. She’d blush and say ‘sorry, Eddie’ and be so crazy kind when she let me down. No swooning or…riding off into the sunset or whatever. Sorry to disappoint.” 

“So what if she has a good time with Andrew? What if they hit it off and sparks fly. You’d be fine seeing that?” 

“Fuck no but I’m still not going to say anything.” 

“But…” 

Eddie cleared his throat. “Look...I wasn’t lying to her. It would be good for her to date someone other than that prick Jason. After everything we’ve been through…she fucking deserves to be happy, you know? Let her be a kid and have some damn fun.”

He’d been so proud when she mustered the confidence to finally dump Jason, and when she stood up to her crappy asshole parents too. She was grabbing life by the horns and who was he to throw a spanner in the works because of feelings? 

Robin sighed. She looked like a deflated balloon.

“You’re a good guy, Eddie,” she said. “But this is going to end in heartbreak.” 

“I’ll handle it. Just stitch me right back up again, right? What’s a few more scars…”

**

‘Let her have some damn fun.’

He didn’t feel so benevolent when Saturday finally rolled around. 

Eddie arrived at Steve’s that afternoon trying to keep upbeat (the freshmen were coming so they decided to start the celebrations early so they could make their curfews and still have time to par-tay). He found plenty of other things to think about... and Robin came through with the promise of fancy booze as a well done gift.

Steve started up the BBQ and bought some beers and wine coolers with strict instructions to the younger party members they were only allowed one (though Lucas definitely swiped more). He was wearing a jazzy orange apron and still somehow managed to look effortlessly cool flipping burgers. He’d clapped Eddie on the back when he arrived and murmured something about third time’s the charm but he sounded genuinely pleased for him. He seemed fine with them commandeering his home for the evening (or was just used to it by now). 

Nancy had brought along party hats and balloons and streamers (again as promised. They looked like something from a kid’s birthday party and Eddie beamed - especially when she strong-armed Jonathan into wearing a pointy hat). 

They decorated everything tastefully at first, but after some wine coolers Nancy and Robin became more confident with their artistic abilities and the garden soon turned into a mess of white and red streamers and balloons.

Chuckling, Eddie settled back onto one of the pool loungers and cracked open the lid of his fancy beer feeling pretty good. Steve passed him a burger with all the trimmings and Max put Kate Bush on the stereo. 

(Dustin had heard about the gold stickers from Chrissy and brought along a sheet as a gag gift. Eddie was now sporting a star on either cheek. Jeff had them stuck all over his face. They were currently paying a silent game of who could pin the most on Steve without him noticing.)

It was chaos and Eddie loved it. They were all such weirdos.

They talked about everything and nothing for a while when he noticed Lucas and Max holding hands. They were dating again and it seemed to be going well. 

But seeing that made him think about Chrissy who was at that exact moment in time (he checked Nancy’s watch to be sure) sitting in a dark movie theater with her date, watching a scary film. Chrissy was terrible with horror films - she’d had to hide behind his hands when Will put on Friday the 13th - so it was a cunning move on Andrew’s part if he wanted an excuse to get close to her. Plenty of chances to hold her hand, tuck her close to his side, maybe even wrap his arm around her shoulders if he was feeling brave. 

Was she holding his hand right now? Were they sharing a soda with just one straw? 

He didn’t know Andrew nor did he want to give Robin the satisfaction of asking. Was he another Carver with big shoulders and perfect smooth blond hair? 

Eddie seriously needed a joint and Jonathan joined him down the street to smoke. It helped a bit.  

It was nearly 8pm when he finally heard a car pull up and the passenger door slam shut. They all looked round as Chrissy opened the side gate and stepped through to the garden. It was getting dark (though Steve had rigged up some electric lights), and they were still hanging out in the garden drinking and playing silly games. 

Chrissy gave them all a big wave and smiled brightly. She was thankfully alone. 

They beckoned her over (Nancy rushed up to give her a hug) and Eddie noticed no one asked where she’d been which meant they all knew about the date. He noticed Dustin and Steve glancing at him to gauge his reaction. 

Chrissy snagged a wine cooler from the icebox and plopped down in the spare spot beside Eddie. She wasn’t dressed up exactly but she’d made a noticeable effort to style her hair and put on a blue sundress that Eddie had once said was pretty. She was wearing a new perfume too. 

“Hey guys. What’s with all the streamers? Steve, why do you have stickers all over your ass?” She giggled. 

“Goddamn it.” 

“We like to party in style, Cunningham,” Eddie smiled in greeting. Jonathan had two party hats on his head now and was putting on some Dio. Finally. Jeff and Gareth let out a cheer. “Drink up, you’ve got some catching up to do. Wheeler was just explaining why there’s no bouncy castle.” 

Nancy spluttered something about not being kids anymore which was Robin’s cue to then suggest strip poker which everyone shut down. Steve offered to play normal poker and she accepted it grudgingly. 

The freshmen were ready to head off anyway and Robin went to the kitchen for more beers. 

“I still don’t know how to play,” Chrissy whispered to him. 

“Stick with me kid, you can be on my team,” he said conspiringly. “Only don’t blurt out what cards we have like last time, ‘kay?” 

Chrissy grinned and she nudged her leg against his. “Sorry I’m late. I’m really proud of you for today, Eddie. Now we can graduate together!” 

Eddie nudged her back. 

He very deliberately didn’t ask about her evening nor did she bring it up either, though Nancy apparently cornered her later on for a full breakdown. Eddie had just decided that he was at peace with things and didn’t need to know any details (the date was over, right? And she seemed happy to be here with him) when he walked in on Nancy and Robin discussing it in the kitchen while fetching ice. 

Nancy noticed him right away and raised her voice so that he could hear too. 

“...she said Andrew took himself way too seriously. Said it was like being with Jason all over again. Apparently he kept going on about all the writing awards he’d won and it came off as serious bragging, and he’s got his whole life planned out where he’s going to be this famous writer. You know Chrissy, she’s way too polite to shut that shit down, but she’s after fun, right? Who needs all that heavy stuff on a first date? She said it was like being interviewed for a job.” 

“Ugh. Way too much male ego,” Robin cringed. “Guess there’s not gonna be a date two for Andrew?”

“I doubt it, but she said it’s not put her off dating. Let’s hope the next guy shows her a better time.” 

Nancy was very pointedly looking at him now. 

He rolled his eyes and went back through to the other room where they were still playing poker. Robin was winning but Eddie and Chrissy were coming a close second (all Eddie’s doing - Chrissy, bless her, couldn’t bluff at all). Jonathan was staring at his cards as though he could magically change them with mere force of will...though maybe he was too stoned to see clearly.  

Eddie sat down on his seat and took a very large gulp of his fancy beer. 

Chrissy was leaning across the table to look at their cards and kept whispering questions in his ear, so he wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her over so she could perch on his lap instead. Her perfume smelled like strawberries and vanilla and he took a deep breath. 

“Sit tight and buckle in, sweetness. We’re gonna win.” 

(they didn’t, but they were having too much fun to care)

**

Though poor Andrew didn’t get another date, Chrissy soon found herself another one. It seemed that word had traveled to all the bachelors of Hawkins High that the Queen Bee herself was open to dating (and her bonehead ex was safely out of the picture). So it fell to the brave and brightest knights to try for her hand.

This time it was a guy from the Photography club. Jonathan gave him the all clear when Chrissy probed. 

“He’s called James,” Chrissy revealed at lunch. She was picking at her sandwich. “He was very sweet actually - he wrote me a little note saying how he’d always had a soft spot for me from afar. We’re going to park up by the lake and go for a hike this weekend.”

Lover’s Lake. 

“A hike on a first date?” Nancy raised an eyebrow. “It’s not exactly traditional…”

Jonathan shrugged beside her. “I think it’s nice. Plenty of time and space to talk in private and get to know each other. He’s a quiet guy.” 

He promised to take Nancy on a hike and she softened like melted butter. 

“I think he’s going to bring his camera actually - he said he would show me how it works and then maybe we could develop the photos together too.” 

“All alone in the darkroom,” Robin sniggered. “This James seems to have it all figured out, I’m half impressed. What are you gonna wear, Chriss?” 

“Oh! I guess my workout gear? Or would that be too casual? Maybe I should wear some shorts? I can’t exactly wear a dress if we’re hiking.” 

“Wear those tiny black shorts you’ve got. That’ll give him something to photograph.” 

Chrissy blushed to the very roots of her hair but Eddie noticed she didn’t say no. 

Eddie kept silent throughout and focused on his own lunch. 

Unlike Andrew, Eddie actually knew James and had even sold him weed before. James was very different from Jason's all-American vibe; tall, dark hair (that always looked perfectly tousled), and a serious (but sensitive) expression on his face. He could often be found with a camera slung around his neck wearing the kind of shabby clothes girls seemed to feel were cool and artistic. 

Eddie sat behind him in class Friday afternoon and tried hard not to glare daggers into his back. Was he thinking about the weekend instead of whatever war the teacher was droning on about? He would be. 

To Eddie’s utter dismay James actually turned around when the bell went and gave Eddie a tight smile. 

“Hey Munson, you know Chrissy Cunningham, right? You’re friends?” 

“Sure.” 

“Well I’m taking her out this weekend, maybe she told you? But I’m kind of freaking out a bit…I mean…it’s her, you know? I thought maybe I should buy some flowers and surprise her? Do you know what she likes?”

A diabolical part of Eddie wanted to mess with him but he managed to keep his cool. This was for Chrissy, after all, and he wanted her to have a nice time.

“Get her Chrysanthemums,” he said, getting to his feet. “And make her laugh, alright?” 

That whole weekend Eddie tried to keep busy. He cleaned his entire bedroom, gave the kitchen a scrub, even mowed the patch of grass out front. Wayne didn’t say a word though he pressed a hand to Eddie’s forehead to make sure he wasn’t feeling sick. Eddie tried to practice his guitar but found his concentration was all over the place. 

He thought seriously about taking a long drive (maybe towards Reefer Rick’s and a certain lake nearby) but tossed the idea aside. 

When he got to school Monday, he wanted to just head to class and forget all about the weekend - though at the same time he desperately wanted to hear every detail too. It had been a gloriously sunny weekend (perfect for stomping around nature) and the lake had probably looked picture perfect. Did they have fun? Joke? Did Chrissy wear those tiny black shorts that cupped her ass so perfectly? Most importantly… did Chrissy have a nice time?

It was Jonathan who finally took pity on him. They were sharing a smoke out in the woods before lunch period. 

“Go on…hit me with it,” Eddie breathed out long and hard. 

Best to get a heads up now before lunch with everyone’s curious eyes flickering to him to assess his reaction. 

Jonathan watched him carefully as he spoke. 

“...Chrissy called Nance up last night on the phone. Said the hike was nice but really awkward. Apparently James turned up with roses which she hates and barely said a word the whole time. She figured it was just nerves and tried hard to fill in the blanks - you know how nice she can be - but he wouldn’t take the hint.”

“Ah…”

That Jonathan was saying that, when he was a pretty awkward guy himself, must have meant it was truly bad. 

“I guess you and Nancy won’t have to share the darkroom.”

Jonathan coughed and blushed but rather tellingly didn’t say a word. 

Eddie couldn’t help but feel pleased that it was a dud even though Chrissy looked pretty disappointed when she spoke about it at lunch. She told them how beautiful the lake was but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t coax much out of James which was frankly bizarre because even Mr Wheeler had warmed up to Chrissy. If she was a D&D character she would have critically high charisma stats.  

Eddie noticed that after Chrissy finished talking she didn’t touch her lunch. Her fingers tore up the sandwich into little scraps while their friends tore into James, oblivious. 

He could almost see the cogs of her brain turning. Hear the anxious little thoughts gnawing away at her confidence. 

Screw that. 

So of course Eddie interrupted and started talking about the time Jeff got so high at Rick’s place that he jumped into the lake fully clothed, forgetting that he couldn’t in fact swim. It had taken both Grant and Eddie to fish him out because he wanted to stay in and make friends with the ‘fishes’. He mimed it out at the lunch table, hamming it up to the max, and making Jeff’s blazed expression even more cartoonish. Jeff himself sat at the table and laughed along with the others at the performance, taking it in his stride. 

Eddie watched as Chrissy picked up her lunch and began to eat. She sniggered along with everyone else when Eddie pretended to be Jeff falling asleep in the bathtub (when they finally dragged him back to the house to hose down). 

She even munched on the chocolate muffin he threw at her. 

He felt his chest relax.

**

Chrissy was a popular girl and so the date offers naturally kept coming, and Chrissy bravely didn’t let the last attempts put her off. She wanted to try dating and reasoned surely the next one would be better? 

And it was. 

This time it was with another jock from the basketball team who Lucas was friendly with. He was called Christopher and apparently didn’t care about stepping on Jason’s toes one bit if it meant landing a date with Chrissy. Even Eddie had to admire the bold move. 

(and yes Chrissy laughed when Dustin pointed out the inevitable dilemma should someone call out ‘Chris/Chriss!')

Christopher was a jock but Lucas promised Chrissy he was one of the good ones and she accepted his offer to go to the town fair that weekend. Christopher had the typical athletes frame and swagger, but the smile he gave Chrissy by her locker seemed sincere. 

Eddie didn’t even need to get the lowdown from Lucas that Monday because he went to the fair himself along with the others. He was having a pretty good evening eating cotton candy and scaring Steve in the Haunted House, when he spied Chrissy and Christopher lining up for the ferris wheel. 

Keen to be a gent, Christopher was maintaining a decent amount of distance between them but when it was their turn to step on the ride, Christopher placed a hand on her lower back to help her up and they sat snuggly together in the small car. There was something intimate about the way their bodies were pushed together and they whispered back and forth. 

He saw Chrissy tip her head back in laughter and felt a knot in his stomach. Eddie really fucking tried not to stare. He truly did. 

That Monday Chrissy told them the date went well and Christopher had walked her home after, even impressing the dragon that was her mother when she spotted his letterman jacket. That bothered Eddie more than anything else, honestly, especially when he glanced down at his ripped jeans and scuffed boots. Her mom was such a damn cliche. 

Eddie had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. 

“...But I’m not sure there’s going to be a date two,” Chrissy said, nonchalantly sipping her water. “We both like sports but we don’t have much else in common, and I don’t know how I feel about dating another athlete…no offense Lucas...but it’s a lot of pressure. Plus the smug look on my mom’s face kinda turned me off. The last thing I want is for her to think I’m trying to crawl back into her good books by dating someone like Jason.” 

“But it went well?” Nancy pressed. “You had fun?”

Chrissy smiled. “Yeah I did…I think we can chalk that up to one successful date so far.” 

**

Then came David from the swim team. He had a BMW but was more interested in looking at his reflection than looking at her. 

Then came Joshua from band. Chrissy called him sweet but way too handsy. 

(Eddie felt his jaw clench, what did she mean by handsy? He was saved by Nancy who offered to find her guns…hard to say if she was serious or not)

Annnnnnd then along came John. 

John picked up weekend shifts at Family Video and asked her if she wanted to grab a milkshake after school. He seemed confident and cool and Steve told her he was saving up to take a year off before college and do some enlightened soul searching. Chrissy and Nancy made impressed ‘oooo’ noises when Steve explained that meant backpacking around Asia.

“I’ve never thought about traveling,” Chrissy said. “I think I’d like to, you know. California, Paris, maybe Rome? Wouldn’t that be so romantic? Or maybe go to England and see all the castles and lakes. I don’t wanna’ be stuck in the midwest forever.”

So they went out and had milkshakes. It was all so cute and twee. He knew Chrissy would probably pick strawberry, her favorite. 

The next morning Robin pounced on him as soon as he parked up his van. 

“So Chrissy rang me last night after John dropped her home on his motorcycle,” she greeted. 

“Be still my beating heart. How punk rock.” 

“The date went seriously well, Eddie. Chrissy’s made up. She was gushing about how interesting he was and how dreamy his eyes were. She reckons they’re the same colour as the sky...”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit early in the day for kicking a man when he’s down?” he grumbled, slamming the car door with more force than was strictly necessary. 

“They kissed.”

Honestly, that alone felt like a fucking bullet to Eddie’s chest and his face might’ve betrayed this for a fraction of a second before he pulled on his best DM mask. Instead he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He tried to look as cool as a cucumber though his thoughts were racing. Maybe it was only a polite peck on the cheek and Robin was just winding him up? Goddamn, had she worn her bubblegum lipgloss? Were tongues involved?

“And you’re telling me that delightful piece of gossip because…?” 

“Because she had a nice time! For all we know there could be a date two,” Robin explained, exasperated. “This is getting out of hand now, Munson.”

“Who Chrissy dates or… kisses…is none of my business, Buckley. I told you, there’s nothing between me and Chrissy. We’re just friends.”

“Look, I saw you at the fair looking fucking devastated when you saw her cuddling with that Christopher guy. What if she sees John again and this time they do more than kiss…what if they have sex?”

“Buckley!”

“What? You gunna’ be fine hearing all about that?”

“...it’s not…” he groaned. “I can’t have this conversation. Seriously.” 

He tried walking away but she clung onto his arm. 

“Eddie.”

Eddie looked back and was struck by how serious Robin looked.

His voice cracked a little as he said, “...they really kissed? She said that?”

“Yeah.”

Eddie groaned and rubbed a hand over his eyes. The idea of Chrissy doing that did bother him. It bothered him more than he could’ve ever imagined. He knew he had no right to feel jealous but it crept over him like a wave. Everything he’d said to Robin before all this dating mess was still true - he still believed Chrissy was out of his league, that she deserved better - but hell, he hadn’t even tried. He’d given up at the first hurdle and she was slipping away. He was such a damn coward. 

He thought about the last few weeks, about how desperately he wanted to be the one to take her out for milkshakes and hold her hand on the carnival rides. More than that…he wanted to be the guy to make her giggle and smile and feel happy.

But...didn't he do that?

Something twisted in his chest and he suddenly realized he was that guy. Had been all along. Didn’t she light up like a star whenever he hugged her or clowned around just to cheer her up?

She always looked at him like he was the only other person in the world. They were the perfect team, totally in sync.

Chrissy was his goddamn dream girl.

What the fuck was he doing?

“I don’t believe for one minute you’ve given up on her…” Robin said. 

Eddie sighed. “I’m such an idiot.” 

“Yep.”

“Is it too late, d’you think? Is she into John?”

“She’s into you more. Always has been.”

“What if…”

What if she didn’t feel that way anymore? What if she wanted to date John and go traveling? He had a motorbike and all Eddie had was a beat up van. What if? What if? What if?

Robin picked up on his panic and she offered him a shaky smile.

“Let me give you a piece of advice, loser to loser. If you want a chance with Chrissy Cunningham you’d better step the fuck up and ask her out now, because honestly? I think you’d be really perfect together. She’s been looking for you all this time, bonehead.”

Eddie huffed a laugh into the collar of his jacket and knew he was blushing. 

He clapped Robin on the shoulder. She was a pretty good friend, even if she was annoying as shit. 

“Now go get your princess!”

**

Eddie didn’t go to Chrissy right away. If he was going to do this, he was going to do it right. He didn’t want to be one of the other guys who casually held her back after class or slipped a note in her locker asking if she wanted a date. He was Eddie. Her Eddie. 

And Eddie’s pesky brain had a tendency to go into overdrive. 

So that weekend he drove like a wildcat to the ‘nice side’ of Hawkins. He didn’t dare knock at her front door wearing a suit and tie as he was pretty certain her mom would call the cops. Instead he parked his shitty van down the street and approached by foot. Her home looked exactly like a showhouse from the cover of Better Homes and Gardens magazine; pristine, tidy, unnerving. Even the grass was mowed in perfect lines. 

It was a reflection of Chrissy from before. Like ivy, it threatened to strangle her. 

Eddie would rather take his crappy trailer anyday. 

(so would Chrissy. She said she felt more at home in the Munson homestead than she ever had at her childhood home. It kind of sucked that she felt that way…even though it made Eddie’s stomach twist into knots). 

It started to rain (obviously) as he approached the house and carefully climbed the trellis. 

The rain made the wood slippery. It wasn’t the first time he'd scaled the side of her house, but it was the first time he’d done so carrying a heavy rucksack over his shoulder. He hoped the trellis would hold the weight okay. It would be just his luck to come crashing down into Mr Cunningham’s award winning rose bushes and alert the entire neighborhood. 

He knocked smartly at her window. 

“Eddie!” Chrissy hurriedly opened the window. Her expression was one of total shock. “What are you doing, you weirdo? You’re totally soaked!”

She was wearing a fluffy pink bathrobe and slippers. She looked as sweet as cotton candy. 

She was tugging him inside and he landed on the carpet with a soft thump. They waited for a second to see if the noise would summon her demon of a mother, but all remained quiet. She grinned at him like they were co-conspirators of a jewel heist. 

“What are you doing here?” she asked again.

She’d clearly just stepped out the shower. A neatly ironed outfit was spread out on the bed behind her and she had the radio on. He vaguely recognised the preppy tones of Cyndi Lauper.

“Clearly just dropping by to see you, Cunningham. Thought that was obvious.” 

Chrissy wrinkled her perfect nose and he had the irresistible urge to bite it. “And you didn’t want to use the door because…?”

She offered him a towel to dry off with and he took it gratefully. His teeth were chattering…from the cold and nerves. Eddie didn’t get nervous often but Chrissy always had this effect on him.  

“I’m making a grand gesture.”

“Okay…”

Only then did he open the rucksack. Chrissy watched him silently as he brought out a (crumpled) bouquet of orange and yellow flowers. Then a checked blanket. Then some cutlery and a Tupperware box. Then a few other items to really set the scene. He'd always had a good eye for detail.

He sank to his knees and spread it all out on her bedroom floor. "You're gonna' have to imagine the carpet is grass and there's a babbling brook somewhere."

"It's a picnic. Why are we having a picnic, Eddie?" she knelt down beside him on the blanket. "You made peanut butter and jelly!"

Her favorite snack. She used to have it as a kid before her mom got so fussy and it reminded her of her grandma. He used his lighter to light a candle and placed it carefully between them.

He took a deep breath. It was now or never…

“Are you going to see John again?”

She was clearly not expecting that. She blinked. “I…He mentioned something about meeting up again, yes.” 

“Chriss. Do me a favor?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t.”

He watched as her lovely blue eyes widened in surprise. 

“What do you…”

“Go out with me.”

His heart missed a beat.

“Eddie…?”

“Go on a date with me. We can do whatever you want… a hike or a dinner or movie. Whatever. Just as long as it’s with me. I’ll be real honest… I meant it before when I said you deserve some fun…but it’s been crazy watching you go off on these dates and come back each time goddamn bored or disappointed. You deserve fun, Cunningham… and I’m it. I’m the fun. Come out with me and let me show you a hella' good time.”

He wanted so badly to hide behind the curtain of his hair, but held steady. He’d been practicing that speech for hours - trying so hard to make it sound light and funny - instead of spilling all the lovey dovey stuff that he truly felt. Maybe one day he’d get a chance to say all of that...but... baby steps. 

“What do you say, Chriss?”

And then Chrissy was grinning from ear to ear. She began to giggle which turned into a laugh which turned into happy tears. If he could bottle that fucking amazing smile he would. He found himself grinning back.

“What took you so long, Munson?” she beamed. “I’ve been waiting forever for you.”

They should engrave that on his headstone. No words would ever sound sweeter.

She slipped her hand into his.

“So that’s a yes? You gonna date me?”

“I’m gonna date you,” Chrissy agreed. “I’m gonna date you so hard.”

[aketan]

wdym you sustained your buncle with your aether for 4 years non-stop

[charlotte-of-wales]

Queen Camilla takes part in a discussion with the SafeLives charity at Buckingham Palace. The group of 14-20 year-olds help to guide the charity's response to issues facing young people, with a particular focus on exploring and promoting healthy relationships | April 16, 2024

[royal-scoop-submit]

A pro-Camill gossip blog?!

Me: Follows immediately!

Some surprisingly popular takes I have if you don’t mind me sharing:

I’m glad Camilla has her rightful title of Her Majesty The Queen. She should have been styled as Princess of Wales too as was her right but I can let that go for her place in history as Queen.

I used to love Will and Cathy but their thirsty antics in the run up to the Coronation (while still being lazy) turned me right off and they’ve only gotten worse. William having his team brief the media that his father has never done anything impactful but was just a basic ribbon cutter is unforgivable.

KP and William’s leadership has been exposed as a dumpster fire now that he’s left to his own devices and doesn’t report up to His Majesty THE KING.

It was always Will and Harry’s plan to make themselves defacto “half in half out” on The King’s accession. But Harry jumped the gun when he met Meghan…and ironically their bad behaviour have now allowed W&C to basically operate as half in half out royals but be praised for it while H&M are vilified.

I wonder if the Wales fandom who are in such a rush for KC to die or abdicate actually think through (1) who is actually going to do the work or being King and (2) who would be the new media punching bag when C&C are no longer there because Fleet Street will always need one. Are they ready for it to be Willy or one of the kids?

I am also extremely glad Camilla got her rightful title of Queen. I agree she should have been styled as Princess of Wales but I'm actually glad she wasn't. Diana fans would have pitched a fit, and although I know their opinions don't matter, I think for Camilla's sake the Duchess of Cornwall title was better. I don't think she wanted to be associated with Diana at all, and I don't blame her. Besides, "Princess of Wales" could refer to Diana or Kate or Mary of Teck or Queen Alexandra. But "Duchess of Cornwall" is unique to Camilla. (Yes, I know it's a subsidiary title of PoW. That's why it's unique- everyone in the past simply went by PoW.)

As for the Waleses. I don't hate them, but I am so disappointed in them. I'm starting to realize that they don't care about the monarchy. William didn't just have his team brief the media about his father never doing anything impactful, he literally said it. He said he wanted to be the first royal to actually do something. Here is the quote: "That’s what I’m trying to find my way in, is I care about so many things, and previously the family have been very much spotlighting brilliantly and going round and highlighting lots—I want to go a step further—I want to actually bring change and I want to bring people to the table who can do the change if I can’t do it." (Source)

This is actually the first thing that really put me off with William. Downplaying Charles's work with the Prince's Trust and his environmentalism as "spotlighting brilliantly" and "highlighting lots"? Downplaying Camilla's work with victims of domestic abuse? The King and Queen have both ACTUALLY BROUGHT CHANGE. The Prince's Trust has helped so many disadvantaged young people, all of whom would, I'm sure, say that their lives were indeed changed. Camilla spearheaded an initiative to create wash bags for victims of DV at SafeLives. She's also helped people independently, like the wounded soldier Harry Parker who she inspired to go to art school.

Even besides that, William made it sound like raising awareness for causes isn't helping change come about. He's wrong. Just by supporting their charities, the King and Queen have made a difference.

I have more sympathy for Kate than William. I understand why in the past her engagement numbers have been low- raising three kids is an insanely difficult job, and I know she always wanted to be a mother. I also understand Kate needing time to recover from chemotherapy, because it is really hard. But here's the thing. I assumed that when Charles became king, she'd step it up and begin to do way more public engagements. So I was baffled when I read the articles about how she may "never go back to work like before." First of all, she never worked very much in the first place. Second, SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BECOME QUEEN ONE DAY. Now that her kids are school-aged, she needs to work more, not less. I'm starting to think she's just running out of excuses. If Kate actually cares about the monarchy, she needs to make a timeline for when she'll start working again and follow it.

I don't understand them. Last year I was saying they should fire their PR team. Now I realize that they just won't cooperate with their PR team. They're the problem.

Interesting theory about the half-in half-out thing. I think if Charles had become king earlier, he might have been more reasonable than QEII and considered letting H&M be half-in half-out, for the sake of keeping the family firm strong. He always wanted a slimmed-down monarchy, and for that to work Harry and Meghan would have needed to at least be there sometimes. Losing them was too risky. I don't think he would have allowed W&K to do the same, though, since William is the heir.

Charles loves his sons too much for his own good. Losing his relationship with Harry was a huge blow and I think the reason he isn't putting his foot down and telling William to step up is because he's afraid of damaging that relationship too. Plus, he has cancer, so I think he's focusing more on his health and his duties than what William's doing right now.

When King Charles dies there's a good chance the monarchy will be finished. Done. William's popularity will plummet and I honestly don't think he'll care if the whole institution is abolished. And that is what I'm worried about.

[pompomqt]

Journey to the West Chapter 29

So, no Sun Wukong?

I miss that Funky Little Monkey Man already :(

In this chapter of Journey to the West with @journeythroughjourneytothewest we continue to see how the pilgrimage is fairing with Sun Wukong absent. So let's get into it shall we?

So we begin this chapter where we left off last time, with Sandy and Pigsy battling it out with the Yellow Robe Demon. Unfortunately Sandy and Pigsy are no match for this demon, but fortunately they have the help of all the deities who are on ' Tang Monk Protection Duty' helping them out, so they are able to fight the demon to a standstill.

Meanwhile said Tang Monk is having a good cry and wondering what his to disciples are doing and if they are going to be able to rescue him soon. Before to long however a young woman walks in and asks him why he's here. At first Tripitaka is rather worried the woman plans to eat him, but luckily the girl isn't a demon like the last girl he talked to. Instead it turns out she's a kidnapped princess from a nearby kingdom, who was brought here and forced to be the demon's wife. In exchange for this information, Tripitaka tells the girl his own tragic backstory, about how he is on a mission to get scriptures from the west, but was kidnapped by this demon to be eaten.

Fortunately the girl is willing to talk her husband into letting him go free in exchange for Tripitaka delivering a letter to her family when he passes through her old kingdom on his journey. Tripitaka of course agrees to this deal, so the girl writes a letter and then unties Tripitaka and gives it to him. That done, the girl tells him to leave out the back door so that he doesn't run into all the little demon minions who would probably just kill him on the spot. So while Tripitaka leaves out the back and then proceeds to hide in a bush, the Princess goes out front to talk her husband into letting the three of them go.

In order to convince her demon husband to let the monks go, she tells him a story about how when she was young she made a vow that if she found a good husband she would feed the monks. And how she had a dream just now where a deity demanded that she fulfill that vow. And when she woke up with a start she saw the monk tied to the pillar, she realized this must be how she is meant to fulfill her vow. So will he pretty please let them all go for her sake?

Thankfully the Demon is willing to agree to this, he can eat any old human whenever he wants to, so it's not that big of a deal to let these ones go. He then tells Sandy and Pigsy to take their master and scram and that he'll spare them this time for his wife's sake but warns them not to trespass on his property ever again. Sand and Pigsy are more then happy to heed the demon's words, so they out the back to look for Tripitaka and find him in a bush. Then the party wisely high tails it out of there.

A while later they finally make it to the Princess's kingdom. While there Tripitaka asks for an audience with the throne in order to get his travel papers certified. When the King hears that there is an illustrious monk from the great Tang Kingdom he is more then happy to meet with him. After Tripitaka tells him his story and shows him his papers, the King stamps them with his approval. With that taken care of, Tripitaka also says he has a family letter for the king, from his third daughter who was kidnapped by the Yellow Robe Demon.

The King is happy to finally know what happened to his daughter, pity he couldn't have learned that before he put all those ladies in waiting and eunuchs to death though. Before now he sort of just assumed she'd left on her own and gotten lost or something, not that she was kidnapped. Anyways the court reads the letter, and by the end of it the king is crying. Unfortunately none of his men are willing to go on a suicide mission to try and rescue her from the demon. Eventually one of them thinks to ask if Tripitaka can do it, after all he made it all the way here safely, so surely he has some method for subduing demons?

So the King asks if Tripitaka is capable of fighting the monster and saving the princess. And even says he's willing to become bond brothers with Tripitaka if he succeeds. Tripitaka admits that while he's a good monk, he doesn't really know how to fight monsters. And when the King asks how he got all the way here then, Tripitaka tells him he has two disciples two help him on his difficult journey.

The King asks why he didn't bring his two disciples in with him, and Tripitaka says it's because they are so frighteningly ugly that he didn't want to bring them in without permission in case it offended or frightened them. The King isn't to worried, because he's probably under the impression that they are just talking about normal human ugliness. And even when Tripitaka describes what they look like, the king still feels well equipped to handle them with that description in hand, and insists that Tripitaka summon them in. So Sand and Pigsy come in and give the king a single bow, which is pretty rude of them to act that way towards a king, but the king is so frightened of them he even falls off his couch lol. So much for the warning from Tripitaka.

Tripitaka is of course mortified by all this and prostates himself before the king and apologizes, saying he knew something like this would happen. The King is pretty understanding though, after all Tripitaka did warn him, so soon enough they are all able to move past this. After the King recovers from his fright he asks Sandy and Pigsy which one of them knows how to subdue monsters. Pigsy of course takes the opportunity to brag about how great he is and even shows off his thirty six transformation magic and rake. This thoroughly convinces the king that Pigsy is well equipped to handle the yellow robed demon!

So the king offers Pigsy some wine and says they will throw a banquet when Pigsy returns with the demon defeated and the princess in hand. Pigsy is at least polite enough to offer Tripitaka some wine first, but Tripitaka doesn't drink so he lets Pigsy and Sandy have it all. With that Pigsy uses his cloud soaring to be on his way.

After Pigsy leaves, Sandy clues Tripitaka in on the fact that when they fought the demon before they were only able to battle him to a draw with both of them together, so he fears Pigsy alone won't be able to win. Hearing this, Tripitaka gives Sandy permission to go after Pigsy and assist him. So with that Sandy also cloud soars away. Seeing this the King becomes alarmed and begs Tripitaka to not also go flying away, and Tripitaka assures him he couldn't even if he wanted to. Tripitaka is more then happy to stay behind on this adventure and just chat with the king for a while.

Meanwhile Sandy catches up with Pigsy and tells him that Tripitaka told him to assist him and Pigsy is more then happy to accept his help. Together the two of them break down the demon's front door. The little minion demons of course go and report this to their boss that the two ugly monks are back. The Demon is surprised and wonders what they are doing here since he already released their master. A minion demon suggests that maybe they forgot something? The Big Boss Demon points out that you don't break down someones door just because you left something at their house. So the demon gets dressed in his armor and goes out to asks them why they are here.

Pigsy meanwhile shouts that they are here because they abducted a princess and forced her to be his wife (similar to how Pigsy got his own wife....) Anyways Pigsy tells him to tie himself up and surrender. The Demon of course doesn't do that, and instead goes on the offensive and the battle begins. However the battle is going even worse then last time, after all the deities that were helping them previously are currently staying in the kingdom with Tripitaka, so it's just the two of them this time, and Pigsy is rapidly losing stamina.

So Pigsy passes the buck to Sandy and bails. So with Pigsy now fleeing like a coward, Sandy is of course immediately overwhelmed and captured by the demon.

Current Sun Wukong Stats: Names/Titles: Monkey, The Stone Monkey, The Handsome Monkey King, Sun Wukong (Monkey awakened to the void), Bimawen (Banhorseplague), The Great Sage Equal To Heaven and Pilgrim Sun. Immortality: 5 + 94,000 years. Weapon: The Compliant Golden Hooped Rod Abilities: 72 Transformations, Cloud-Somersault, Ability to transform his individual hairs, super strength, Ability to Summon Wind, Water restriction charm, and the ability to change into a huge war form, ability to duplicate his staff, ability to immobilize others, the ability to put others to sleep, and the Fiery eyes and Diamond Pupils, intimidating horses, churning large bodies of water, sleeplessness, seizing the wind, enhanced smell, discerning good and evil within a thousand miles, Spirit Summoning, lock picking, and object transformation. Demon Kill Count: 5+ Unknown Number of Minions Human Kill Count: 1006 God's Defeated: 19 + Unknown number Defeats: 3 Crime List: Robbery, Murder, Mass Murder, Arson, Theft, Coercion, Threatening a Government Official, Resisting Arrest, Assault, Forgery, Employee Theft, False Imprisonment, Impersonating a Government Official, Treason, attempted murder, failure to control or report a dangerous fire, desecrating a corpse, breaking and entering, trespassing, violating Tree Law and looting corpses. Cry Count: 4 Mountains Trapped Under: 1

Current Tang Sanzang stats: Names/Titles: River Float, Xuanzang, Tang Sanzang, Tripitaka Abilities: Curing Blindness, making branches point a certain direction (allegedly), reciting sutras, pretty privilege, memorization and Heart Sutra. Cry Count: 16 Tight Fillet Spell Uses: 27 Paralyzed by fear: 5 Bandit Problems: 2 Kidnapped by demons: 3 Falling Off Horses: 6

Current Bai Long Ma Stats: Names/Titles: Bai Long Ma (White Dragon Horse), Prince of the Western Ocean, and third prince jade dragon of the dragon king Aorun Abilities: Transforming into a human, a water snake, and a horse, eating a horse in one bite, and flight. Crime List: Arson, and Grave Disobedience. Contributions to the plot: 1

Current Zhu Wuneng Stats: Names/Titles: The Marshal of the Heavenly Reeds, Zhu Wuneng (Pig who is aware of ability), Zhu Ganglie, Pigsy, Idiot and Eight Rules. Weapon: Rake Abilities: 36 Transformations, parting water, fighting underwater, cloud soaring and size enhancement Demon Kill Count/Kill steals: 1 Failed Flirtation/romances Attempts: 3 Cry Count: 1 Crime List: Sexual Harassment, Murder, Kidnapping and arson.

Current Sha Wujing Stats: Names/Titles: The Curtain-Raising General, Sha Wujing (Sand Aware of Purity), Sandy and Sha Monk Weapon: Monster Taming Staff Abilities: Fighting underwater and Cloud soaring. Kidnapped by Demons: 1 Crime List: Breaking a Crystal Cup, murder, and desecration of a human corpse.

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[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Miserable and Magical

Inspired by a tiktok I sent to @hey-dw who also helped me title the fic (taken from "22" by Taylor Swift)

Summary: After she consumes what is believed to be a love potion, Penelope elaborately confesses to Luke. How he reacts and what he uncovers might just be what leads them to a happily ever after at last.

Word count: 2047

Can also be read here on Ao3

Come to my office please? There’s something important I need to talk to you about 💗💗💗

That was the text Luke received from Penelope out of the blue one Friday morning. It wasn’t rare that she texted him, and most of their conversations were important because they were work-related and their job was important. What was rare, however, was her use of the three hearts. And by rare, he meant never. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” Luke asked cautiously as he entered her office.

“Yay, you’re here!” Penelope exclaimed, throwing herself at him in a hug with so much force they spun around. 

“Woah, woah, what has gotten into you?”

She placed her hands on his shoulders and smiled up at him. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I’ve been keeping it in for so so so so so so so long now but I can’t wait anymore, I just need to tell you!” She hugged him tight. “I love you!”

Luke was still a little thrown, but returned the hug nevertheless. 

She kept babbling. “You’re just so pretty. And nice. And warm. And you smell good. And you give the best hugs. And while cheek kisses are nice I would very much like to know what is like to actually kiss you.” She grabbed his face to try to kiss him but didn’t get much farther than his chin because his focus, while normally entirely on her, was fixed on something on her desk. 

There was an open box of chocolates sitting there, and Luke put the pieces together rather quickly. “Penelo— Garcia… Garcia, stop.” The words felt like poison coming out of his mouth. 

Her eyes got wide and sad. “Did I hurt you? Or… no… you don’t love me back, do you?”

Luke didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to lie to her, but she was in no place for him to be telling her the truth. “It’s not… it’s just… what are those?”

Penelope turned to where he was pointing. “Oh! My chocolates! Do you want one?”

“No! Um, no, thank you, I’m not hungry, but can I see them?”

“Sure!” 

He picked up the box that was two-thirds empty. Dear god, he thought to himself, she’s under a strong dose. He picked up one of the remaining chocolates. He could tell the chocolates were laced with some kind of potion just by the feel of it. There was a certain kind of weight to magical items that couldn’t really be explained, but was easily identifiable. He broke one of the chocolates and brought it up to his nose to smell. It didn’t smell like any love potion he was familiar with, but what else could it be? 

“Where did you get these?” Luke asked her.

“Tara and JJ gave them to me!” Penelope told him. “There’s a variety of flavors too! Rose, salted caramel, strawberry, they’re delicious, really, you should try one!”

“I’m good, but thank you so much for the offer.” He put his hands on her shoulders and gently guided her down to her chair. “You just stay right here and sit, okay? I’ll be right back, I’m just getting you some tea.

“Okay! Thank you! I love you!”

He had to bite down on his tongue to keep him from saying it back. When he reached the kitchen, he started rifling through the teas they had. Since they were FBI agents and ran a relatively high risk of being subjected to a potion or some form of magic by the people they hunted down, they had a variety of antidote teas. He grabbed one for love potions, but then hesitated. He didn’t know which variant of love potion she had ingested, and not all antidotes worked for each potion. He grabbed a general antidote as well, since that was bound to do something, and grabbed one for truth potions for the hell of it. A lot of love and truth potions had similar properties anyway. Since she had had a strong dose he made sure to steep it strong, then safely disposed of the bags before bringing the tea back to her office. 

“Here you go,” he said, taking the cat squeaky toy he’d given her years ago that she had been playing with from her hands and replacing it with the steaming mug. He gave the cat a gentle squeeze of his own before placing it on her desk. “Drink up.”

Penelope took a sip, then winced. “This is gross!”

“I know, I’m sorry, but it gets better after a few sips. Can you drink it, please?”

“Do I have to?”

“It’s really important that you do.” He hated himself for what he was about to do. He flashed her his best puppy dog eyes and said, “Can you do it for me? Please?”

Penelope smiled wide. “For you? Anything!” When she was about two-thirds through the mug, she shuddered. “Woah, why does my head feel so fuzzy?”

“You were just under a love potion,” Luke explained. “This is an antidote tea. I had to mix a few types together since I didn’t know what variant JJ and Tara had used—”

“JJ and Tara? Wha— oh. The box of chocolates.”

He picked up the offending item and tossed it in the trash. “Yeah.”

“Why would they do that?”

“I have no idea, but I’m about to go talk to them. You just stay in here, recover, and finish your tea. I know it’s gross but you really need to to make sure you get rid of all the effects of the potion, okay?”

Penelope called out to him as he was about to walk out her door. “Luke?”

“Yeah?” 

“Did I… say anything? To you?”

His lips pressed together in a tight line. He had been hoping to save her this embarrassment. “Yeah… you only said things to me.”

“Like what?”

“Well, that you love me, obviously. That you thought I was pretty, and nice, and that I’m… warm? That I give good hugs and you wanted to kiss me, actually you did try to kiss me.”

Her eyes became the size of saucers. 

“But you didn’t! You didn’t! You got my chin, but that’s it. And don’t worry, I know you didn’t mean any of it, it was all just the potion talking.” He leaned down and gave her a hug. “We’re all good, I promise. Just drink your tea, okay?”

She nodded, and slumped in her seat as he left. Why would JJ and Tara do that for her? Knowing how she felt about him… why?

Luke’s anger was near a boiling point when he approached Tara and JJ’s desks, but he didn’t let it show. “Can I talk to you guys for a moment? Privately?”

Tara and JJ exchanged a poorly-concealed look of satisfaction before nodding and following him to the deserted round table room. He shut the door behind him and glanced out the windows before shutting the blinds as well. 

At first, all he could do was make vague, angry gestures before finally shouting, “Have you two lost your goddamn minds?”

The two were taken aback.

“Woah,” Tara said. “Not the reaction I was expecting. Sure, our methods were unorthodox, but I was at least expecting a thank you—”

“Thank you?” Luke exploded. “You expected a thank you? For what? For giving Penelope a love potion so she would throw herself at me just to see how I’d react? For humiliating her and potentially ruining our friendship? You’re right, Tara, fucking thank you. What was this, some sort of cruel prank? To see if I’d confess my feelings for her only for it to have been a potion all along? I know there’s fun in embarrassing someone in a prank, but there’s embarrassment and then there’s downright humiliation. What you two did was absolutely cruel.”

“Woah, woah, Luke,” JJ said, holding up her hands in an attempt to calm him. “We never gave Penelope a love potion.”

“What? But, the chocolates—”

“They were laced with a potion, yes,” Tara admitted. “But not a love potion. A truth potion. To make those work the way you want them to, you have to guide the mind of the person you’re giving the potion to so they don’t start babbling random nonsense. We gave her that because we knew it would make her think of love, and, by extension, you.”

Luke froze. “Wait. So… she meant all of that stuff? When she tried to kiss me… that was real?”

“She tried to kiss you?” JJ exclaimed.

“Oh my god,” Tara said. “That’s even better than we—”

Luke fixed them with a glare.

Tara coughed. “Right. Um. It still wasn’t right of us to do that. We’re sorry. But aren’t you glad we did?”

“Frankly, no, I’m still furious at you, because that was a huge invasion of Penelope’s privacy. If she didn’t want me knowing that then you had no business exposing her the way you did. So I’m going to go talk to her, and when I’m done, you two are going to apologize to her because, while I appreciate it, I am not the one you need to be apologizing to.”

The two nodded solemnly before Luke guided them back out the door and made his way back to Penelope’s office. He knocked twice before entering. “Hey. How’re you feeling?”

“Better. Embarrassed. God, I can’t believe they would do that. I mean, I a love potion? Why?”

“Yeah, so…” Luke sat down in the chair across from her and took her hand in his. “Turns out… it wasn’t a love potion. It was a truth potion.”

Penelope’s eyes went wide. “Oh god. It was… what?”

He placed his other hand on theirs that were already intertwined and pulled them up between them. “Penelope… did you mean what you said about me?”

“Well you just said yourself it was a truth potion—”

“I don’t care about that. Forget about it. Pretend that I don’t know about the truth potion or that there wasn’t one at all. Just answer the question. Did you mean what you said about me?”

“I mean, I don’t really remember any of it, but if it was about being in love with you… then yes. I meant it. Of course I did. How could I not? Luke, you are every wonderful thing in this world all combined in one person.”

Luke couldn’t have held back his smile even if he had tried. “Then can I kiss you, Penelope?”

She nodded and then he slowly, oh so slowly, brought his lips down to meet hers, one hand coming up to gently frame the side of her face. Their lips pushed gently against each other’s, soft pressure, a brief coming apart, before coming right back together again in a near endless cycle until at long last they had to stop for breath. 

“I’m not going to lie, I’m kind of confused about what’s happening here,” Penelope confessed in a whisper, her forehead resting against Luke’s. “Not upset, obviously, just confused.”

“Penelope Garcia,” the reverence with which he was stroking her cheek could only be rivaled by his tone of voice. “I have been head over heels in love with you for years.”

“You have?”

“Of course I have. How could I not?” He smirked. “Penelope, you are every wonderful thing in this world all combined into one person.”

Penelope laughed at his blatant echoing of her previous statement. “Using my own words back to me? Get creative, Luke.”

“Penelope Garcia, you are the sun and the moon and the stars in the sky. You are the warmth of a fire on the coldest day and the refreshing cool of an iced drink on the hottest day. You are so beautiful, inside and out, you are so strong, you are so brave, you are every other positive adjective I can think of. You are everything. To know you is to be absolutely in love with you. And I am. Completely, absolutely, head-over-heels in love with you.”

“You sure you didn’t take a love potion?” Penelope choked out over emotion and being spoken to so adoringly.

“I’ve never needed one. Not with you.”

“Then can you kiss me again, please?”

He did.

[the-fire-might-be-shooting-at-us]

Luke, a regular man working to dismantle gilead&get his family back, he also took in his bestie (Moira) a lesbian woman so she could get to Canada safel&he let her stay in his house for as long as she wanted

Wait how's he getting vilified he's literally the chillest guy especially considering the positions of power and corruption men have in this story