#sadly put much more thought into this than i should have LOL

[alrightbuckaroo]

Thanksgiving is a week away and I do not have the time to write a Thanksigiving story (even though I'd love to, we need more Thanksgiving settings) so instead, I present some 126 Thankgiving head-canons:

Owen has deigned himself the host of Thanksgiving and everyone tells him to finally take advantage of the chance to eat as unhealthily as he wants to.

Nancy and Tommy both agree to bring dessert - Tommy brings homemade blondies and Nancy brings store bought vanilla cupcakes. "Don't look at me like that, TK. I did "bring" them."

Carlos calls Andrea to let her know that she's invited to the 126 thanksgiving and Andrea tells him that she already knows, Owen invited her first.

Grace reprimands Carlos over how long it's been since he's been online and she's been stuck kicking everyone's ass in Overwatch all by herself.

Mateo, Carlos, TK, Paul, Judd play touch football after dinner. Owen is invited to join but he's still the only one gnawing on the vegan turkey roast that no one else wanted to eat.

Judd keeps nodding off after dinner to the sound of Spaghetti Westerns while Charlie lies on his lap. He keeps waking himself up and telling everyone that he's just resting his eyes.

Paul is in charge of the dinner party playlist - it's a jazz mix with Miles Davis, Bill Evans, Nat King Cole, Sarah Vaughan, Ella Fitzgerald and Chet Baker. He finds a way to sneak Frank Sinatra's Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas somewhere in there.

Marjan's recently started taking pottery classes with Joe and she brings over homemade dishes to hold the sides. Marjan's looks perfect, Joe's not so much.

Tommy and Andrea have both been obsessed with the same telenovela and Grace has to tell them both to stop spoiling it; she hasn't caught up just yet.

Carlos, without a doubt, plays peek-a-boo with Charlie.

TK spends a good ten minutes trying to convince Tommy's girls to ask Tommy for a bearded dragon so Lou II can have someone to play with.

Paul and Mateo break the wishbone - Mateo wins and wishes for more wishbones.

Both Owen and Judd agree that Carlos should be the one to carve the turkey, something Gabriel always used to do during the Reyes Thanksgiving.

Mateo and Nancy are both cheating at Phase 10 and the other one knows it but they both don't mind.

On the drive back home, TK makes an awful pun about the 126 being #SquashGoals and while Carlos acts like he hates it, he not so secretly loves it.

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Idk if you've already answered this, but have you ever thought of Yuu having a different physiology than the rest of the twst cast? More or less in the way that isn't really noticeable, but enough to make their friends feel "off"

(Like, imagine if Yuu's blood is so different from the rest that it needs an entire different study solely dedicated to it)

I didnt get this in my notifs

I think about this so often. Esp cause my ocs are not any race in twst

Like in a slightly different way: Yuus body digesting nutrients differently— and no doubt the food in TWST is better suited for the natives so Yuu has to play a fun game of "am I allergic to this" and "will this thing I like in my world taste like utter shit here orr?" All while getting half the nutrition or not even being able to process it. "Yes Jamil, you make banger curry— sadly it fucks up my body and I gotta throw it up"

Even little things like they don't have a blood type that exists there so they're fucked if something happens. Their magic tolerance is lower, so they get sick from it. They're not allergic to cats, but Leona's shedding is making them wheeze. Or perhaps they're allergic to Fae? Not even counting the flu/diseases that go both ways. A common cold nearly kills them cause they aren't vaccinated there, but a cold from them puts Deuce in the hospital

Did humans in TWST evolve from the same things?? "Lol we were fishies" "huh"

This can go the other way too. Yuus body being much more complex or "stronger' than the humans there (maybe even beastmen). Like yeah they can also hear that along with Jack, what do you mean you can't, Ace? Their bloodtype doesn't exist but ooh boy Ortho just found the cure for cancer scanning it– your antibodies are very impressive! Of course they don't need that many hours of sleep. A Yuu built like Epel or Lilia yet their muscles are on par with Jack?? Vil tries to help them with their skin but they need extremely concentrated face wash. Their brain scans are incomprehensible.

Take this to two other extremes and maybe the air there makes them 'sick' or is hard to adjust to. Maybe the sun there is too hot. Their eyes are "off putting" because too big/small. The oils on their skin are more corrosive— their stomach acid should kill them. Maybe they can eat "poisons" that the rest can't eat in large amounts or have to be cooked a certain way. Yet here is yuu swallowing cherry pits and that amount of capsaicin should make you sick— not even Cater can have that!

Yuu gets to exaggerate their body stuff and they're none the wiser. What if the cast are all very light for Yuu and you can pull students off each other when they fight? Vargas is impressed.

The other extreme is tolerance/defense. No diseases seem to affect you at all, neither does magic. In fact you seem to drain it from the world around you. A fireball your way fizzles out. You have to leave the magic exam room cause people keep failing in your presence. You can't be "beheaded" or turned to sand or cursed or hypnotized... there are exceptions to the magic that actually can affect you however, and once you're cursed, there's no going back.

Yuu gets critically injured and healing spells just won't work. They get a curse that will kill them and no potion or incantation cures it. It's a glass canon and people here are armed with bricks

Or– maybe yuu is a very conductor of magic (fav headdcanon). Which is why we strengthen people in game. We can unlock magic potential in others, and the simplest flame on a fingertip becomes an inferno when you step into a room. Aces magic well has tripled since being your friend. And Deuce and Epel got their UM very early with you around

Idk Humans are Space Orcs type things

[revalition]

OCT 16 - PAIN THRESHOLD Shrug off the pain. They’ll have to hurt you more.

I love this guy a lot! even if he has some really questionable advice. I ended up dumping a lot of points into him in my first playthrough!

really simple drawings today, I've had a pretty bad headache all day. which you'd think would allow me to channel the pain threshold vibe better! but it really didn't. sadly the amount of love I hold for a skill doesn't necessarily correlate with how much effort I can put into drawing them (with a few exceptions lol). the one on the right was an old sketch I coloured... it was a relief I already had a halfway decent design for him haha

lots of quotes under the cut as usual!

pain threshold!!

fun fact - he does not refer to you as harry once. however he does call you: - pal - baby - son - buddy - man and none of these more than once. weirdo

PT also has the most anti-passives (passive failures) out of the skills, by a large margin. He has 31, second place has 19. He also has 3rd least passive checks.

quotes:

these two idiots!! causing mental and physical damage with their screaming... H/E coordination trying to reel it back in

<3 (this heals endurance!)

actual idiot skill

dudeee

he's so funny. he's fucking got this.

dying here

nooo

sigh

super normal.

he's a sad, sad guy

if you haven't been told yet that he has depression PT can figure it out for you!!! <3

sad PT in the final dream :(

this one too

he knows! he recognizes *fake pain*

dialogue after failing to save ruby... urgh

I really like this. 'A race to beat your own heart's pulse to some dark finish line.'

as always this is amazing.

:((( this is re: pawnshop roy

hehe

this one is always delightful. he has a sense of humour sometimes!

this whole scene was a mess, but this line in particular... I don't know, it just stuck with me. It's very vivid.

honestly, true

lol

sometimes these skills say some unhinged stuff, sheesh

poor guy, he's so sad

:(((

this one is brutal.

this guy has *issues*

ending it on this very important one!!! please look! during the last dream pain threshold tells you to pick the dialogue option that will cause her to leave and the dream to end... and volition tells you to keep dragging it on. hghh guys...

pain threshold is quite something. there are lots of instances of him telling you something painful feels good, or encourages you to do something that will hurt (both physically and emotionally). he also leads the finger on the eject button thought dialogue. My first playthrough I had FYS of 4 and I ended up dumping a ton of points in to PT cause I was fascinated by him. But I also had mega high volition cause I adored him too. they definitely did not have the same goals...

the first time I remember hearing from my personal PT, we were bowling and my wrist was really starting to hurt. and he was like, you should keep playing. thanks bro :/

anyway that's all. for tomorrow, physical instrument's design isnt super exciting to me, but I do have a bunch of good quotes picked. I can make a coach calling people a binoclard compilation...

[boxheadpaint]

juice induced hill depression. Back on meds again and hopefully going to get in touch with a new psych who can prescribe me something else. Have been very tired and unjoyful the past week but better now and playing modded Skyrim, initially just to make my oc in it but then just kept slamming more thangs in there. Mod that puts bunny rabbits everywhere. Also is there a mod that adds cute animal ears/suits as wearables or one that even makes the girl armor less sucks. Like im either fully leaning into the immersion breaking for self indulgence sake or im getting rid of the annoying shit.

visiting mom in Vegas earlier this month was nice except for the part where I hate Vegas. I know im not great with travel and settling into places can be a tough one for my brain but also my god it’s just evil there. Brilliantly so but still evil. I would have loved to enjoy the scenery surrounding the place more as deserts are just very beautiful and fascinating places but at no point during the day was the temperature less than a full hundred degrees Fahrenheit. It barely dropped during the night either. Between that and varying physical ailments (Oof Ouch My Digestive Sensitivities Lol) (Oof Ouch My Tendons Lol) (Oof Ouch The Agony Caused By Using Stairs Lol) it was the perfect conditions to be a miserable pile when I wanted to be with my family. As sad I was to part ways again I was not sorry to leave that place. Gained a new appreciation for changing up what I eat randomly to keep my body on its toes. At one point mom brought us to a pub and her husband asked for Diet Pepsi while I asked for regular Pepsi. Visually there’s no difference so we got handed the others pepsi and swapped. And then later after he refilled his Diet Pepsi another waiter came up and wordlessly refilled mine as well. With Diet Pepsi. Wasn’t even asked. Fucking stunned. Also went to a near dead mall that was nice anyway

stuck on brain zaps as a symptom of Specifically antidepressants withdrawal. There’s some things describing them as “mini seizures” in function. To me it’s like the body noticing the usual isn’t happening for some reason so it tries to jumpstart the brain into working good like before. universities I can go to with my theories. Back in and at it this week, hopefully to remain consistent for longer than before which will also likely help with the depression and anxiety. More people should just put stuff in their blood if they can

it can be embarrassing to express your misery more clearly to someone, specifying the fact fact thoughts running through your head. But then again it’s only embarrassing because your mind convinced you so, and will convince you that holding it in is also cruel and selfish. Finding it funny that animals probably don’t have as complex spirals and bouts of depression because they dont have a language to articulate to themselves in their own heads that something is awful in a very specific and contradicting way. Or actually no because there is still pattern recognition but that’s more a paranoia learned thing. Is there an animal that can randomly, for seemingly no reason evident to anyone including itself, experience crushing dread and self doubt. Is there an animal that feels shame besides man

had a tilt table test that was embarrassing too but for much more clear concrete reasons. Somehow didn’t know about that second part, and did complain through most of the first part because Oof Ouch Everything Hurts Lol. REALLY did not know the iv thing and had to once again sadly state that no, It has to go in the hand . I will say the experience was funny in the second part from the other ways because my first reaction was literally just “Uh Oh.” The moment I realized it was going to get worse. all I know is my blood pressure stayed consistent throughout, I don’t know what else im gonna hear about it. Hopefully something helpful.

is setting up an ABLE account difficult? Can anybody do it? It’s an issue dealt with by a lot of people but I should at least try to find a way to save money from benefits for the future or in case some stupid medical shit happens that the health won’t cover. I just looked up and saw Vinny sleeping while propping lubics head up with his foot. Hoping I can enjoy things normally again shortly,

8/26/2024, Still better than july

[writing--whore]

Hunger

Pairing: The Darkling x Reader

Summary: A/O/B fic. It's your first heat and you're a distraction to all of the men at the Little Palace

Word count: 600

Warnings: No smut but very sexually suggestive

A/N: Okay so I wrote this when season 1 came out. I never actually finished it lol. If anyone is interested, I would love to finish it!

I'm so upset tho bc I did write more than this but I think I accidentally deleted the next few scenes 😭

Also hot take but I am kinda disappointed by what they did to the Darkling in season 2. Season 1 Darkling had me going FERAL. I miss the scenes with him and Alina 😩 There was so much chemistry arghhh it was so hot.

As you walked into the council room, all the men turned to look at you, eyes slightly wide and hungry. You could almost picture the saliva dripping down their chins. You shrunk into yourself as you made your way to your seat. 

It was your first heat and you didn’t want to let it prevent you from going to work. But a heat was even more intense than you’d expected it to be and it seemed to be getting worse by the minute. 

You were absolutely throbbing and your pants were soaked through. You couldn’t help but squeeze your thighs together to try and gain some amount of satisfaction. It only made things worse but once you’d started you couldn’t seem to stop. 

You dared to look around yourself and you noticed that concentration strained on the men’s faces as they now refused to look at you. They were trying so hard to be civil and not to pounce on you. 

When none of you thought you could take it any longer, General Kirigan finally strode into the meeting. His nostrils flared as soon as he entered, clearly taking notice of your scent. He didn’t say anything as he placed his papers down on the table ready to conduct the discussion. You’d never seen him look so tense before, not even during his most high-stakes political negotiations. You started to regret not taking the day off work.

You could hardly think straight, your nipples were hard beneath your bra and you wanted so badly to start palming your breasts through your clothes. You were desperate for any sort of stimulation and had to restrain yourself from rocking your mound the chair. You had an inkling that none of the men were paying attention too, if their stolen glances were anything to go off. 

A few of the men were without a mate and you knew that they were desperate to throw themselves at you. And your instincts were telling you to do the same. But one man’s scent in particular was driving you insane. General Kirigan’s. He was the alpha of all alphas. And it came off in his scent. You were practically dizzy with it. 

You were so painfully aware of his presence. Sure he was incredibly attractive and you might have always had a little crush on him but this feeling was nothing in comparison to that. A part of you was willing to do absolutely anything for that man to put you out of your misery. But its not as if the General Kirigan would ever want to be your mate, you thought sadly. 

“I think that’s enough for today.” He declared.

You checked the clock. You were finishing 30 minutes early. You shrunk into yourself even more. They couldn’t stand your presence for one second more. 

You stuffed your belongings into your bag and went to hurry out.

“Y/N, I want you to stay behind.” Kirigan instructed. 

You froze, tightly clutching your bag, and turned back around.

His hands were pressed down on top of the table - arms as tense as logs. He refused to look at you. 

The door closed shut behind the last person to leave. His scent smelt even more intense now it was just the two of you. 

His eyes remained on the table as he spoke to you - each word was strained: “Y/N, please take the next few days off.” 

“Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.”

He nodded. 

That was all he wanted to say. You should go now, leg it back to your room. But part of you wanted to stay. You hesitated for a moment, your legs slightly shaking and your pants so wet that a drop of it started to trickle down your thigh. You needed Kirigan’s scent to surround you, to claim you, to mark you as his. 

He interrupted your thoughts, “You may leave.”

Of course, your fantasy was never going to happen. 

“Sorry, Sir.” You repeated and hurried off. 

[the-enzyme]

My MYou Bettina male, mature tiny BJD, with his new eye mods! I had to redo those sooner than I had hoped, because I learned that the plastic putty is not a permanent solution for modding tiny heads, sadly for me. I got a new batch of Aves Apoxie Sculpt, so I want to use as much of it as I can, before it gets too old to work with. Hopefully, I will remember to put it in the freezer this time, before it does go beyond saving. DX

I am supper happy with how these mods turned out. I still could have smoothed out a lot of the shape as a whole, particularly at the corners of either side of both eyes. However, working on tiny heads, even with opened eyes, that are much larger than true 1:6 scale action figures. Is still a huge pain in the lower back! I love this tiny dude regardless; I love him so much more each time I work on him some more! I look forward to completing something else, based on Ken Kaneki for him, since he is my fan-art doll based on him. I just want to keep on taking photos of him, even in crappy clothes, or no clothes! Lol! I find him incredibly beautiful, even with my crap-fest of a repaint job and mods! (:

I took a whole bunch of equally crappy photos, because I am super in-love with this tiny doll! I already loved him enough to purchase him, but now I am over the moon! I know I love narrower eye shapes the best, but I kind of thought Bettina already had narrower eyes. I am still wondering if I should have gone with Alan, despite me loving Bettina's mouth shape better.... >___<;;; Not regretting going with Bettina, just wondering. n_n;;

He's wearing the same top I can't recall who I made it for, but I feel it was for my MH Invisi Billy custom. It's a great fit on him, and I quite like it. He's also wearing the five wigs I've made for him so far, and I'll probably need to try to make yet another one, that's more anime-accurate. Try, is the keyword.

[drdemonprince]

A bit late to the party and a tad bit longer than planned(sorry), but I dream of programming my own living sex toy.

We would be roommates, my flat (that's the most unrealistic thing about the scenario right here lol) that I rent very cheap near a college so I can pick the hottest person applying, ideally a new student so no family or friends here. Once they move in I slowly start manipulating them. Playing hypno audios when they sleep, putting light aphrodisiacs in their food, gaslighting them on progressively bigger things to get them relying on me more and more.

I want to pretend to be their friend and have long talks where I slowly convince them that their family is abusive and they should cut contact. It would be easy considering I am already blasting them on many other fronts and at that point they would be too stressed trying to keep up with college, while becoming too dumb and horny to offer much resistance. I hope they do though just so I can stop the argument via hypnotically dropping them and leaving them more untethered and confused than before. I actually want them to freak out while we fuck so I can stop, keep my cock in them and see how the ,by then intense, programming slowly pulls them under again and they start rocking into it. Actively see the fight disappear.

Once it is in deep the actual toy part begins. I want to programm certain settings into it so via simple triggers I can have it switch between modes. Sometimes I would want an actual doll, no ability to move themselves, sometimes a puppy desperate to be filled, maybe even allow it some higher function back so I can have it work when I don't need it.

The power of having someone utterly under my control is the obvious kink here but far hotter to me would be the knowledge that it was involuntary and that I programmed it. The ensuing sex isn't the main focus. I would want the toy to respond like it's enjoyable, seeing it in pain sparks no joy, the hotness comes from knowing it only enjoys it because I programmed it like that.

That's why I want to be able to sometimes "reset" it only to pull it down again. That moment in it's eyes when it glides into trance would be the hottest thing ever. I would always want it to feel pleasure, the catch being that the pleasure wouldn't be there without my programming. Also the thought of a hypersensitive toy coming simply from pleasuring me or me telling it to come is hot.

This is also why I won't look for a CNC partner for now. Having an actual human involved that could resist and judge takes away a lot of the appeal. My main source of shame isn't wanting to corrupt, it's wanting to have an actual human following my every command and order instead of having a partner I share equal responsibility with and of whom I take care when they need it (instead of putting a dildo in them and storing them away when useful). That said I actually want that equal living together too, I would just not have sex with that person, because vanilla sex holds no appeal to me and I actually do care about consent IRL.

Sadly I have a hard time finding good hentai or comics where the main focus is the corruption itself not the fucking afterwards but I make do.

Anyways, thanks for letting us share these things. Some of the other asks that were sent in were incredibly hot and it was nice actually writing my fantasies down for the first time and claiming them as mine, not just a fic I wrote as a prompt.

ANON YOU ARE KILLING ME THIS IS THE HOTTEST SHIT EVER. this is one of my top fantasies. and largely what some of my favorite hypno erotica that i've written is about. i wanna live this scenario for real. this is why i'm saving for an early retirement dog. so i can be someone's brainwashed live in hole. hit me up when you are emotionally prepared to be a 24/7 sadistic owner for real

okay. im gonna compose myself. thank you for sharing. but seriously call me

[fishklok]

whatever i'm drunk, so here's my mtl gender hcs:

nathan: cis guy, but hasn't thought about it that much tbf. mostly he/him, but okay with they/them or it/is in some contexts, especially when it makes him sound cooler

pickles: trans guy (it's a very important hc to me -- first popular transmasc hc in any fandom that didn't make me uncomfortable with the portrayals lol). he/him

skwisgaar: doesn't fuck with labels that much. people could say "so you're nonbinary?" or "so you're a gnc man?" or "so you're agender?" etc and he'll just be like "ja" to all of them. regardless of label, he's still gonna bone your mom. he/they mostly.

murderface: cis guy, but has thought about it a lot more than he's comfortable disclosing. maybe there's something about his need to protect his masculinity. maybe his need to draw attention to his own genitalia is his way of protecting himself from any doubts lingering in his mind. but that would mean he's thinking about it too much and he can't have that. lots of overlap with his sexuality issues as well. he/him.

toki: cis guy who has thought a lot about it, but came back to the conclusion that he's cis. however, this only made him more comfortable being gnc. i mostly like this because he's like the opposite of murderface in that regard and i imagine that would piss him off lol. i like them being gender foils. toki has what murderface wants, but can never let himself have out of fear of what it may unlock within him instead. no pronoun preference.

charles: cis guy. i have nothing else. navigating his sexuality is all the gender-related turmoil he can handle at the moment. he/him

magnus: cis guy, but on the topic of gender his reaction would probably be something like "yeah i would have fucked with he/they if i knew about that in my 20s, but i'm an old man now" and then he sighs sadly. he/him

melmord: i don't even know if i should put "cis" before guy. who even knows anymore. i don't even know if he uses labels. his gender is whatever gender it takes to close this deal. i did draw him post-phallo tho, but idk what his exact identity would be. he/him or they/them.

blues devil: agender (if you have to apply a label). i already wrote a lot about how their gender works since they're basically a manifestation of a piece of musical folklore. they/he

salacia: similar situation to the blues devil, but cool ranch flavor instead of nacho cheese

[maya-matlin]

hiiiii ashton <333 I know we've talked about it before but I recently was on a video and saw some comments that angered me and you know I ship leyton and brulian too but I just wanna hear your thoughts because you always give the best ones!! why do you personally prefer brucas over leyton? why don't you ship leyton? and what do you think about the comments from people saying how leyton were always supposed to be endgame even though s2&3 it certainly didn't feel that way!! and about the comments saying that chopia breaking up had nothing to do with it even though they broke up before brucas actually got back together and they could've very easily not put them together after chopia broke up if they wanted to lol I'm just very curious about your thoughts and don't really wanna discuss it in messenger tbh this is easier so I get all your opinions lol I love you so much and you always give the best responses and answers when I ask you things!! 💞💞💞

I literally don't, but thank you for saying that 💙💙 First things first, I did ship Lucas and Peyton in the past. So on some level, I understand the appeal because I also fell for them when I started watching One Tree Hill. Truth be told, one day I just snapped out of it. Before season 6 even premiered, I was watching my season 5 DVD and finding myself frustrated with the LP story line while appreciating the dynamic between Brucas. Anyways, since then I've watched every episode multiple times and analyzed both by myself and sometimes with others why exactly I don't root for Leyton and prefer Brucas. To me, they're representative of a lot of tropes that will never be my favorite. Meant to be from the pilot couples are always going to be a hard sell. The chemistry had better be something special and the ongoing story needs to be more than, "I immediately know you better than everyone else in your life after having a handful of conversations." There are always exceptions to this rule. Sometimes I fall for the ship fast (Stelena, sorry). Other times it takes until nearly the entire first season or until the second (Ephram/Amy from Everwood, Max/Liz from OG Roswell, Spelivia) for me to get past the beginning and appreciate what the couple is at the heart of it. Needless to say, this sums up Leyton (derogatory). So much of their connection is told to the audience rather than shown. From day one, it's automatically clear that this is the couple to root for. Their only real obstacle, Nathan, is a comically terrible, borderline abusive boyfriend, so the fact Lucas in early season 1 is the anti Nathan pushes him incredibly hard as Peyton's ideal match. Once Brucas starts up, there's an immediate difference in energy and chemistry. Both Lucas and Peyton take themselves so seriously. It's always deep feelings and angst and brooding and "oh, we want to be together, but the circumstances are just too hard." And meanwhile, it's only like episode 9. Brooke has deep feelings and her own insecurities, but on the outside she doesn't take life super seriously and is someone who acts rather than internalizing everything. Brooke's influence on Lucas's life feels like a breath of fresh air. Lucas begins to loosen up and see that there can be more to life than his preconceived ideas of how the world works and how everyone should be acting. On Lucas's end, he encourages Brooke to develop her intellectual side and see that she has so much more to offer than being the life of the party and someone who gets validation from sleeping with a lot of guys. Lucas is the first person Brooke wants to get serious with. Even better, this is a story line we actually get to see play out. When Lucas and Brooke talk about what they like about each other, it all tracks because we've been watching their attraction bloom and seeing how in a lot of ways, they're at their best together. Sorry, this is getting long. This is all solely based on season 1. By the end of the season, Lucas and Peyton cheat for the first time. This sadly becomes a pattern for them. Brooke is emotionally devastated. And though Lucas immediately seems to feel guilt over hurting Brooke, it takes him time to see how far he's strayed from the type of person he wants to be.

Season 2 is a massive gamechanger for Brucas. This is the first time they're truly able to be friends. Without the expectation of a relationship, Brooke and Lucas are able to connect on a deeper level. Yet again, this is something shown to us rather than told. This is the kind of relationship both took the time to develop. Much like in season 1, Lucas encourages Brooke to invest in her more intellectual, soulful side. Lucas himself works on being more selfless, taking the time to improve as a person. Unlike when Lucas pined for Peyton while she was dating Nathan and embarked on an affair during his first relationship with Brooke, this time Lucas allows Brooke's relationship with Felix to play out without any interference while still being a friend. Lucas is aware of his own feelings, but he also knows how badly he hurt Brooke in the past and has no reason to think a second chance is even a possibility. When Lucas kisses Brooke after months of close friendship and opening up to each other emotionally (albeit with Brooke understandably on guard post cheating and Lucas hiding his rediscovered feelings), it feels earned. The third season is a mixed bag. At its best, season 3 Brucas is a perfect mix of seasons 1 and 2 Brucas. Both seem to be equally emotionally invested in the relationship working out and view each other as basically their endgame. But the fun and the lightheartedness exist, as well. Brooke is still someone who brings light and fun to Lucas's life. On Lucas's end, it starts to get murky as the show gets closer and closer to the shooting episode. After spending so much time veering away from the possibility of Lucas and Peyton together with emphasis on Lucas's love for Brooke, the strength of the Brooke/Peyton friendship and even how Lucas and Peyton are actually able to be platonic, healthy friends themselves, everything gets destroyed so that the show can return to Leyton. On the one hand, it's not as though it's totally out of nowhere or implausible because again, the narrative went so hard in Leyton's favor during the first season. But at the same time, it doesn't feel believable to me when it finally happens. Lucas seems to flip flop from getting past his breakup with Brooke to declaring Peyton is the one he wants next to him when his dreams come true in mere seconds. The writers LOVE to make Lucas in denial about his feelings for Peyton. Past the first season, we don't get Lucas pining for Peyton. We just don't. We got Lucas pining for Brooke during season 2 and part of 3 and even Lucas wanting Lindsey back after she leaves him at the altar, but for the lion's share of LP's history, it's Peyton desperately wanting Lucas and somewhat being willing to sacrifice everything just for the chance of being with him. So because of this, Lucas becomes an almost passive love interest where he's told over and over again what he should want and what his true feelings are until he just kind of.. says fine, choosing Peyton. That alone is why I prefer Brucas. It's the more compelling story line and relationship. Plus, the chemistry.

And I hate to do it, but this vs this:

Chemistry is unpredictable, always up for debate, and shouldn't always be the deciding factor in what a person ships. My shipping preferences have been all over the place in this area. But when the writing is lacking and the chemistry isn't really selling the story either, these moments that are supposed to be powerful and come across as passionate somehow come across as phony and put on. In my opinion, Chad and Hilarie had buddy chemistry while Chad and Sophia had the passionate, in love type of chemistry due in large part to literally being in love and married in real life.

As a viewer, I really resent being told that Lucas was simply denying his true feelings for no other reason I can think of except maliciousness when he spent basically two and a half seasons wanting Brooke over Peyton. The romantic relationship with Lucas and Peyton during seasons 4 and 6 seems like the healthier option on the surface, but it comes back to how I feel about Lucas as a passive love interest and Peyton's arc being so wrapped up in whether or not she gets the guy. This is pretty much spelled out towards the end of season 3. During a conversation between Brooke and Peyton, Brooke confides in Peyton that during Lucas's absence she realized that she wasn't as reliant on his physical presence as she thought she'd be. From Brooke's perspective, all this means is that Brooke is somehow capable of loving and being happy independently of the man she loves. But on One Tree Hill, this is supposed to imply Brooke either doesn't truly love Lucas, is falling out of love with Lucas, or that Peyton loves Lucas more because she doesn't desire independence outside of him. It's a gross message to say the least. This brings me full circle, back to season 5. Between seasons, Lucas proposed to Peyton and broke off the relationship when she didn't accept his proposal. Objectively speaking, not the worst thing in the world and a valid thing to do if this is a deal breaker. But this causes the Lucas/Peyton relationship to be heavily imbalanced and in Lucas's favor over Peyton's. Lucas stops feeling like the kind of person who follows his heart and more this desperate guy who wants to marry someone to the point the bride doesn't actually matter. If I go along with the idea that Lucas was in love with Peyton throughout the intervening years, throughout season 5 and for the entirety of his romance with Lindsey, what does that say about Lucas? One, he's the kind of guy who is so out of touch with his own emotions that nothing he says should ever be trusted. Or two, he's an asshole and will willingly commit himself to another woman under false pretenses just because he didn't get what he wanted from his first choice on his terms. Peyton's love for Lucas is meant to be undying and unconditional, causing her to behave in such selfish, desperate ways. Lucas, on the other hand, proves that his affection for Peyton is very conditional. He's not willing to compromise. He doesn't want to wait around for Peyton to catch up with where he is.

And in the mean time, Lucas bouncing between Peyton and Lindsey actually means season 5 Brucas is a very good alternative for Lucas. It's all very unspoken, but the chemistry and the connection between Lucas and Brooke never goes away. Much like in season 2, the possibility of romance is very much off the table. Brooke returns to Tree Hill not to win Lucas back, but because she misses her hometown and sees herself settling down there. Because nothing is being pushed on either end, it's much easier for adult Lucas and adult Brooke to be friends in a way that's impossible for Lucas and Peyton. They're able to relate to each other outside of high school and their past romance. A flashback reveals that Lucas was the first person Brooke told that she wanted to have a baby. During the time Brooke is taking care of Angie, Lucas becomes the kind of person Brooke can depend on and lean on for emotional support. Even outside of season 5, there's a consistent theme of Lucas being the best, most selfless version of himself with Brooke. It's as though Brooke's influence in Lucas's life mixed with their season 1 history almost demands that Lucas be better when they're together. Both Brooke and Lucas are in the place where they're looking to settle down. In a moment that's kind of a contrast to season 3

Unlike in season 3 when Lucas was trying to fight for Brooke but kind of clueless when it came to working out what she wanted from him, this time Lucas realizes that no matter how strong Brooke seems to be, she needs him to show up for her. There will always be endless potential for season 5+ Brucas, in my opinion. Their strong bond and complementary desires for a future shine through even as the narrative reminds us over and over again that Peyton is the one who loves Lucas most and that anything that isn't about Peyton is merely "denial" or Lucas "hiding his heart." Anyways, Lucas literally fantasizes about marrying all of his major love interests, Brooke included. The dream sequence wants us to believe Brooke and Lucas want very different things, making them fundamentally incompatible. The entirety of seasons 5-9 disagrees with this, but Lucas still ends up with Peyton.

When it comes down to it, I don't like the people Lucas and Peyton are around each other. As friends, it's mostly okay. They certainly share common interests and Peyton lacks the trust issues Lucas's other girlfriends have considering she's always the other woman. But.. so much of their love story comes across as incredibly forced with so many holes in it. Their arc throughout the first six seasons does NOT hold water. Peyton isn't allowed to be a fully fleshed out person with goals that don't perfectly align with becoming Mrs. Lucas Scott. Lucas holds all the cards, resulting in him becoming far more selfish and almost childish in the way he acts like season 1 Lucas who is still butthurt his crush didn't want to commit to him after one make out session. Even in the final season, I don't see much if any growth. It's the final season for both characters and the show played out the beats of broken up Leyton, so they're put back together. So much of what happens between Lucas and Peyton is heavily reliant on the idea of everything coming full circle without any regard for how one or both have changed since then. Brucas doesn't have this problem. If nothing else, Brooke and Lucas's relationship goes through multiple changes, with each phase feeling much more mature and deeper than the one before. Even though their past and Brooke's trust issues are recurring problems, their actual dynamic always remains in the present.

As for your last question, I'll never know for sure what discussions were like behind the scenes circa seasons 2 and 3. But based on how season 2 played out, I think there's a very good chance the endgame shifted. The underlying tension and romantic affection between Lucas and Peyton was completely gone. Lucas realized he wanted to be with Brooke and never seemed to consider Peyton. Even Peyton, who has ambiguous moments that refer to possible feelings for Lucas even before the shooting, doesn't have this during the second season. She spends far more time pining for and loving Jake. When Peyton expresses displeasure over her relationship with Lucas, it's that he hasn't been the kind of friend that shows up for her emotionally. Lucas's response to this is to bring Jake back to town LOL. In terms of season 3, it gets confusing. Chad and Sophia didn't separate until multiple episodes into the first half of season 3. Meaning, the groundwork was already being laid for Brucas's failed friends with benefits/casual relationship to become a deeper romantic one even before Chad and Sophia split up. But at the same time, Lucas's friendship with Peyton was also being prioritized again with more references to their romantic past coming up outside of Brooke's insecurities. So with that in mind, it seems like LP was a possibility even as Brucas was rebuilding their relationship. However, I think the Chad/Sophia split permanently closed the door on any legitimate Brucas once their season 3 arc was completed. Personally, I don't think Peyton ending up with Lucas was set in stone until the end of season 3. Had Chad and Sophia never split up, I definitely think we would have seen another round of Brucas at some point because the chemistry alone would have demanded it. Plus, the gross producers capitalizing on the real life Chad/Sophia romance. In a universe where Chad and Sophia never broke up, my gut says Lucas ends up with Brooke. But nothing is 100%. To sum up my thoughts, I think there was a plan in place during season 1. I think another plan emerged during season 2. In season 3, the endgame was literally up for grabs. But Chad and Sophia's breakup sealed the deal.

I love you, too! I'm so sorry for making you read all this.

[buckybarnesss]

Sending this on anon -

I think there is a latent amount of misogyny in the star wars fandom that people aren't ready to face lol.

Like there was so much hate for RebelCaptain and Bix x Cassian (MechanicThief? Bixian?) After andor, and we were called homophobic for 'not wanting to ship' the mlm ships, and I'm like???!! First of all multiplies exist, and second of all, complex, dramatic, well written ships also should exist!

And I'm now seeing the same pattern where it's encouraged to ship Din with the men, but not with the women

I think that a lot of fans really need to look within their consumption and see if they're really looking for representation, or for Ken dolls they can experiment with.

DinBo is so fascinating and I really can't wait to see how they develop

oh y'all want me to get spicy. i'm gonna put his under a read more.

i don't even think it's latent. the female characters receive an excessive amount of hatred or are pitted against each other. i've been in fandom spaces a long, long, long time so i know it's sadly nothing new but people have a hard time accepting that not all the misogyny comes from men.

there is no quarter for woman characters like jyn erso and bo-katan. they will never please. especially when they may have possible romantic relationships with the male leads.

i have thoughts on the shipping atmosphere for the mandalorian and it's not positive.

i am very much a ship and let ship person. i prefer to stay in my lane and enjoy what i enjoy. no harm no foul.

but i do find it -- shall we say interesting -- that bo-katan and din have a multiple episode arc where they develop a deeper understanding of each other overcoming their differences from when they first met but is met with the attitude of ew no cooties. it is fine to prefer a more sibling dynamic between the two but some have been really nasty about others shipping it romantically.

i didn't even really ship it at first but it's grown on me over the course of the season. they compliment each other and have a lot of protentional to explore.

it's one thing to not like a ship but i've seen a lot of language that i consider problematic and outright anti behavior of labeling something you don't like with dog whistles of incest, grooming, toxic and disgusting when it's in fact none of those things at all. just say you don't ship it and keep stepping.

like, the most popular din ship over the past two years has been dinluke which is a perfectly acceptable ship but in canon they've exchanged like a handful of words in one scene. it's fanon.

the armorer and bo-katan has become a popular ship which is again built on a few interactions.

but somehow din and bo are terrible, no good and gross.

we don't even have canon sexualities for these characters and headcanons are not canon. hell, i personally see din on the ace spectrum and bo makes sense to me as bi but that's my headcanon.

this is also not dean winchester being based of a bisexual character and fifteen years of evidence of subtext or stiles stilinski's bisexual baiting by jeff davis on teen wolf.

i get the desire for more lgbta+ representation in star wars but a heterosexual relationship existing is not your enemy and if you think it is than you are part of the problem.

[heylittleriotact]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thanks you for the tag @preciouslittlebhaalbae - sorry this took absolutely forever to get to!

When did you start writing?

As soon as I was taught that a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. I was the weird savant kid in first grade that was writing far above the level of my peers, but my teacher became concerned about the content of my writing because it was all really graphic, vicious, violent horror stories that included scenarios like two girls walking home from school and finding a severed head on the playground - complete with a vivid description of its dead eyes and the gravel sticking to the gore and strips of flesh and viscera at the base of the neck. I got sent for some counselling sessions and was told by the adults in my life that I was a very talented writer, but that I should write nice stories that are happy and make people feel good. Clearly that didn't stick. Thank fuck for that.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I've been very lax on reading for the past ten years or so. I haven't been able to get into things or maintain focus on novels long enough to get properly into them, but I do enjoy a good biography or autobiography.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I'm very paranoid about my voice sounding too much like someone else's. I've been reading more recently than I have in years and it's reaaaaally screwing with my confidence when I start putting things on paper because I start questioning if it sounds derivative and has been subliminally influenced by the author I'm currently reading. I have been told in the past more than once that my style is reminiscent of Ne*l G*iman which is a compliment that has aged like milk, sadly.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I focus the best at work lol. I just chuck in a headphone, queue up some music, pull out my notebook and my fountain pen and away I go. I have a big, beautiful white marble topped reception desk and massive windows that look out into downtown. The reception area has nice warm pot-lights on dimmers so I don't have to suffer under fluorescent lights like everyone else. Overall 10/10 super cozy.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Music is a big one. I make character playlists for almost every major character I write with a mix of lyrical and instrumental music. It really helps me nail down motivations, personality, flaws, and how they feel.

Aside from that, going out and doing something always helps. Participating in something, observing people - all really great ways to find little pieces of life to cannibalize and turn into words.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Alcoholism/substance abuse

PTSD/C-PTSD

Many other mental illnesses

Death and mortality

Magic as an entropic force that is largely misunderstood by those who study it

The first time I clocked the recurring nature of these themes I was like "huh" and now I just embrace them.

What is your reason for writing?

It's something I've always been compelled to do. As an abused child, it was very much an escape when I was young. As an abused adult, it was very much an escape when I got older. Writing has always been a great way for me to work through things that I've otherwise felt I have no control over. I can literally do whatever I want and it's very liberating.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

All of them. Any of them. The fact that anyone would take the time to not only read my writing, but also take the time to comment on it and give me their thoughts about it, how it made them feel, what they liked etc. is so meaningful to me. I write for myself and I don't change plots/directions based on what I think or know readers would like, so to have people trust in my vision and the direction it's going in and still come along for the ride is huge for me.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Hmmmm. I've never really thought about it. Mysterious and sexy, but pleasant and supportive seems like a nice way to be perceived.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I have a knack for battle/fight scenes, violence, and gore, which is unsurprising when one considers my tendencies when I wrote as a child.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I'm glad to be doing it again in the first place. I stopped altogether a few months into 2017 because I had used it as a coping mechanism for various abuses and traumas over the years, and then escaped the abuse and no longer required a coping mechanism. Anytime I tried to pick up a pen after that I just triggered myself and felt reminded of all the horrid reasons that I wrote in the first place.

Such a long gap has fucked with my skill and writing style and it's extremely noticeable when you hold up what I was working on in 2017 next to what I put out these days, but it's not necessarily a bad thing: the me that wrote like that doesn't exist anymore and that's okay. I'm having fun getting to know how I write now.

I very much danced around writing explicit sexual content for years on account of my face turning red and me giggling like a twelve year old every time I tried for years, but this year I've put serious effort into writing more smut and getting better at it. It's by no means perfect, but I'm really proud of how confidently I can approach sexual content these days.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

If I get too hung up on what other people want or might like I literally feel my characters cease to be mine and start to become weird gaseous inconsistencies in my mind. My stories deal with heavy themes, darkness, and personal struggles that I try to convey in a realistic way and that's not for everyone. Sometimes I wish I could just write nice happy stories like they told me to when I was a kid, but I feel like forcing myself into a box that isn't for me would be a betrayal to myself and this odd talent with words that I have.

Smut though? That's all about people-pleasing. Smut is written for me to enjoy, and you to enjoy, and anyone who comes across it to enjoy.

My brain is sore now so I won't tag anyone, but feel free to steal this if you'd like to!

[asongoficeandthrones]

A Clash of Kings First Read - Chapter 17

Before the post itself, a little update: posts should be more developed from now on, at least for the "Things I loved/liked" and "Things I disliked/hated" parts. Before that point, I was reading the chapter in one go and then writing up the recaps (and forgetting some rather important things in the process lol). Now I've decided to write the recaps while reading the chapter, which is why the posts will be more developed.

___

(POV: Tyrion IV.)

Setting: The Red Keep.

Favorite character: Am I gonna surprise anyone if I say Tyrion? Because he is, once again. I feel like he knows his weaknesses, and also how to make plans to overcome them, so in that, he's really smart, and he also knows how to manipulate others, which is incredibly useful in this universe.

MVP: Tyrion. His plan was very well-oiled (by eliminating a traitor to him in the Red Keep), and could totally change the game according to the issue of the deal (in favor of the Lannisters, sadly, I guess?).

Things I loved/liked:

Well played, Tyrion, well played. You even had Varys there, and he is not an easy man to win against. (Though poor Myrcella and poor Tommen... The worst thing is that Tyrion actually seems to care about the children... which is why he might be doing this. They'd be safer and grow up a lot healthier away from Cersei/Joffrey, in Dorne at least, if not the Vale.)

I really liked the Littlefinger/Tyrion meeting, because it had so much sass in it (for example, Littlefinger's "I'm wounded. I strive to look elegant every day," or Tyrion's "I have little doubt you'll be equal to the task [of bedding Lysa Arryn]").

The Varys/Tyrion conversation too, as ever. I'm really impressed with Varys's ability to know everything, even when he's not supposed to (and his ability to deduce things as well, since Tyrion has never told Pycelle that he was bargaining off Tommen or Myrcella to the Dornish, just that it had a link with Dorne... unless Varys learned about it another way). Also, Tyrion's final "[...] then I would know the man who told her to be my certain enemy" is kinda badass and ominous, so there's that too.

The conversation between Tyrion and Bronn, because it's been a loooong time since we've seen those two together (that I can remember, at least), and because it showed us the problems that King's Landing (and Tyrion) is dealing with at the moment. And because I like a strategic Bronn (how he analyzes the hedge knights training, in case he has to go up against them someday).

Joffrey being mocked, if only in secret. He deserves it.

Things I disliked/hated:

I guess Tommen and Myrcella being bargained off? But then again I'm aware that it's how most highborn marriages work in this universe.

Bronn's "There are a hundred whorehouses in this city where a clipped copper will buy me all the cunt I want." There are more... delicate ways to put this, I guess? It does seem pretty in-character for him to say that, though.

Tyrion's discussion with Pycelle was very boring. Also, I don't really like Pycelle (if not outright dislike him), and one of the reasons for that is implicitly stated by Tyrion in this chapter: And it seemed to Tyrion that the gold and silver and platinum links far outnumbered those of baser metals. Now, I don't really recall what these metals stand for (but I do remember that each metal stands for a discipline), but I interpreted it as saying that Pycelle cares a lot more than he should about riches and gold.

Cersei's disdainful attitude towards Tyrion (who is a lot smarter and more useful than she knows).

Quotes: Tyrion and Varys's final exchange wowed me and brought the chapter full circle with the last word.

"What Cersei does not know will never hurt me." "And if Her Grace were to discover your intentions before your plans are ripe?" "Why," he said, "then I would know the man who told her to be my certain enemy." And when Varys giggled, he thought, Three.

Thoughts overall: Wow!

[parental-unit-of-chaos]

My 21st birthday is in 2 days

Another year has passed, 11 more than I thought I would get to see. Everyone says I should be happy, am I, at least I think I am. I'm still not sure what that is supposed to feel like. It's more bittersweet than anything, humorous in a dark way. I've been searching for jobs for like 3 months now, haven't gotten too much luck just yet. Though, it feels oddly healing when I apply to jobs that was my dream job when I was a teen. Even, though I have the qualifications for an assistant manager role, on paper I only have enough to do lower roles. This usually causes problems due to my energy and being able to learn everything from my role and manager's tasks within shifts within 2 months of working at a company, everyone tends to socially put me into a leadership role. Going to me, if the actual Shift manager or assistant manager is too busy.

I really do hope my HotTopic or Spencer's job applications work out. Last year, I finally fully healed my inner child, only for my inner teen to come out swinging. Honestly, it feels like I'm broken and whole at the exact same time most days. I know what emotion I should be feeling in situations, but I'm not sure if I'm actually feeling them. C-PTSD is a fucking bitch when it's mixed with Autism & ADHD. I still feel like I'm floating through life, not sure at all of what river I'm going down. I know it's not one where a waterfall is at the end of it, but that's about it. Everything else is pretty fuzzy. I love writing, I love drawing, I love to sing, I love developing into spirituality, but I feel horrible about doing them, instead of looking for jobs, but if I constantly look for jobs, I get burnt out on them. I wish just screaming and crying for 2 hours, solved everything, but sadly, life doesn't work that way. Atleast, I have my partner to help me work through this, but that shouldn't be his job 24/7. I wish I could just wave my hand and the best life that fits to me as a person becomes my life, but not even witchcraft works like that, lol. As for my witchcraft, it's be kinda stagnant, I've figured out Archangel Gaberial, Lady Lilith and Cernurous have been kinda chillin' in the background. I've been kinda scared to step into that, it's haunting, even though, I've worked with deities before!

Just to clarify to everyone, I'm not gonna hurt myself or anything, just want to vent out some things, and people can add to it from their experience if they want.

[bohnsky]

two and a half months into liking f1, here are my favorites:

1. Alex Albon

I think this is obvious. I just love Alex too much. Sadly this weekend wasn't great for Williams and it stressed me so much that Valtteri was on a mission to snatch P11 from my boy, but Albono's defending is so good, still sadly no points😭😭

2. Sergio Perez

This was a very hard decision, but I thought it's true for me right now and I can still change it back later so now Checo is on second for now.

I'm so obsessed with this man, I even wrote a Chestappen fic. It rarely happens that I'm so inspired that I actually put my ideas on paper.

FP1 made me want to cry and the German commentator couldn't stop hating (it wasn't really hating, just stating facts with a negative untertone, but it annoyed me) and I'm really starting to dislike Ralf Schumacher, he's always acting like he's so much better than every other driver lol (easy to say those things when you're not driving anymore, yes I'm looking at both of you, Ralf and Nico). But honestly I'm exaggerating, they're not that bad.

Also all the memes about Checo's crash. I was desperatly looking for posts that empathize with him and only found memes😭

(if I wasn't this deep, I would find them funny lol)

The race today was great tho. I would've loved to see him get P2 and I believe it would've been possibly, but I don't know anything so whatever. And I'm super happy for Lando and podium is podium. And driver of the day is well deserved. Checo knows how to gain positions. Now he just needs to start performing in Quali again :D

3. Charles Leclerc

Not the best weekend for Ferrari. The race today was a mess for them. Charles' first pit stop made me want to cry. It did seem like the team was trying to fuck Charles specificly over, with the water problem and that pit stop. I just want to see Ferrari back in the front.😭

Honerable mentions:

Nyck and Daniel. I just have to talk about that. I can't really be happy for Daniel. I really started to like Nyck and I think there is a reason he got into F1 in the first place. He's a good driver and I really believe that he just needed more time. I understand that the team felt like they needed to do something, but to Nyck it's unfair. I just hope he gets over the pain quickly.

And Danny deserves better than Alpha Tauri. Like what is he supposed to prove in that shit box. Also I am so obsessed with Checo that I'm still so scared that they might drop him if Danny does really good and I keep thinking what would that mean for Yuki? etc

Now after the weekend, I still don't know how to feel about the whole situation and I actually started avoiding Danny content, which is stupid and sad. Danny deserves a seat and it's not his fault that the circumstances suck.

the Haas boys. Never thought I would say that, but I kinda dig their dynamic.

George. I've been thinking about George a lot lately and I really like him, but somehow he is super weird to me. Idek what exactly, somehow everything about him is weird, but lovable. From his stupid big eyes and his ridiculously long legs, to his strange laugh and his accent. I really don't know anything about the differences in british accents but his accent is the weirdest to me. I like it and I understand it perfectly, but it's just weird (I'm sorry, I'm not trying to offend anyone😭)

Also his PR stuff is so cringy. I love how he's just embracing it all, but it sometimes feels like he is an old man, who doesn't understand the internet but loves learning about it😭

And his race was impressive af. He really knows how to drive.

Fun fact: my brother thinks he should be Mercedes' first driver.

Lance. I've grown extremely fond of him. He's just a sweetheart and getting dangerously close to my top three. I might have to take him into consideration soon.

He's a cat. I love cats.

Initially I disliked him for the dumbest reason (being a rich kid), but even then I knew (or I was expecting) that the day would come that I start liking him and here we are. He's the kind of person I would want to be friends with.

Logan. Through Alex I've become somewhat of a Williams fan. And I really like it when Logan has a good day. The FPs were great for him. The race sucked tho (whatever happened there), but he didn't seem too mad about it.

Lewis. I couldn't believe my eyes when he took pole. I was so happy, but then the race start was so bad😭😭

And I feel incredibly bad that I didn't want him to get P3😭

He was just so close to Checo in the last few laps and I really wanted Checo on the podium. Please don't get me wrong, I would have loved to see Lewis on the podium. I would've loved to see him win, but with Max, Lando and Checo in front, I just couldn't cheer for him😭😭😭😭

Lando. I love this man and I just want him to finally get a win. But it seems like he takes P2 as some kind of win, knowing that Max is just unbeatable.

Max. His hair.

Also I just need to say how much I love it when Max speaks German. The Dutch accent when speaking German is like the cutest thing ever and I'm really impressed of how confident he is in the language.

And there's my internal Red Bull dilemma. I drink a Red Bull for every Quali and for every race. I don't want Red Bull and Max to keep dominating, but I want Checo in front and Max deserves to win because he is that good. Do I support Checo or the Red Bull domination by drinking too much Red Bull?😭😭😭

Either way, I love Red Bull and I will keep on drinking it lol. Also I might be a RB fan at heart. Still Ferrari all the way, but I came into F1 being a RB fan, because of rallye sport and almost every driver I like there, is driving for RB. And then there's what they did to Alex and Pierre and now Nyck.

It's a love-hate relationship.

Valtteri. I don't think I ever said anything about him here. I love this man! He is such a vibe. Just doing whatever the fuck he wants and slaying every second of his life. He's not at the top of my favorites, but generally speaking, he might be one of the coolest drivers on the grid.

In terms of race positions, I like to see him doing good, but I like to see my favs in front more. Alex > Valtteri, I had to cheer for Alex there.

Zhou. I'm positively neutral about Zhou,  I don't know much about him, but from what I've seen so far there's not much to dislike. But here I just wanted to say that I loved seeing him slay Quali. Alfa Romeo in general. It's good to see them in better positions every now and then. The start today was just unfortunate.

Carlos. I was surprised by how Ferrari was treating Carlos today. It seemed like the team was actually listening to him. I hope they sorted themselves out and they keep being nice to my man Carlito😭

But the German commentators kept saying that Carlos Sr. is already looking around for a seat in a different team for his son😭

I love him in Ferrari, but I would totally understand if he wanted to leave. But I also saw something about the possibility of him joining Audi and I gotta say, as much as I love Ferrari Carlos, seeing him in an Audi would be so cool! Might be because Carlos Sr. is driving for Audi, but that doesn't matter. It'd just be cool.

Pierre. I'm starting to find my love for Pierre again. It's not nearly as strong as it used to be (obviously, as he's not first anymore lol) For some reason I didn't really care about him for a few weeks, but it's coming back now. Also bad day for Alpine. Must be devastating, a DNF for both cars and it not even being their fault. I hope they're okay and don't kill Zhou.

Esteban. I'm starting to dig the whole Alpine dynamic. They might not be the best of friends but they make it work and I love that.

And still, I'm obsessed with Este's accent and I keep coming back to the squirrel clip. I just can't with him.

Also he gives me young Jeff Goldblum vibes, idk why, but I love it.

Might be the hair. Or the sunglasses.

Oscar. It's frustrating to watch Oscar almost get on the podium. He deserves a podium, he's an incredible driver and I'm happy that the car is finally good enough for him and Lando.

Yuki. Now that I named 18 drivers, I can just say some things to the last two as well. Yuki is such a cool person. I wish he was higher on my list (the honerable mentions are in no particular order). And like I said before, I'm a little scared of what Danny's performance means for him.

Fernando. I like him a lot. I like his laugh and his accent. He's serious but silly and he treats Lance well. I like to believe that he has no evil master plan and just actually likes Lance lol

Sometimes it seems that Aston is the only team that works together and just like Lance said, it's romantic.

Also Strollonso might actually be my favorite ship currently. They're so unlikely, but they just work and it's cute. Thay might not be a Lestappen or a Carlando, but they have my heart just as much and I need more content.

Wow, I didn't know I had so much to say. And I hadn't realized that I just named most of the grid until I counted them.

[knarme-stray]

Top surgery vs. being non-OP thoughts...

cw mentions of eroticicity around breasts

Pros of top surgery;

- never wonder again whether to bind or not, whether to have a bra or not

- i know i regognize myself better from my own image when flat and it'd be a kind of a relief

- the chest weight being removed would be good for my back and posture

Cons of it;

- sadly at my size I know I'll have the most trouble with sensation and bcs that area is so erotic to me, this might be a painful loss to me

- being bad at remembering instructions and having executive dysfunction around many things that'd make the recovery difficult to manage properly

- possible complications or errors of the surgery itself i know i'd develop major body image problems about that could possibly be worse for me than anything I get while having tits

- my already bad dysmorphia issues that i know would get bad with even relatively good looking results of the type of surgery my size requires

- costs big money unless had after official "diagnosis" which means it'll be covered fully

Pros of being non-OP

- A lot of the time I feel that the tits are a part of my genderqueer presentation and I genuinely love it when people think they're hot etc.

- Breasts are erotic asf for me to have even though they make my own image less regognizable to myself

- I feel like I'm wearing fake tits 24/7 and it's kinda fun and sexy sometimes but they're real so I don't need to put them on

- buying pretty bras just for extra care and respect of my body

Cons of being non-OP:

- dysphoria about how I look (not so much about the tactility / how it feels) and the unpleasant sensory struggles with binding at this size

- if there's any situation where i should try to pass as cis man (I don't care to pass as cis for purely personal preference) I simply couldn't, yeah, even when binding, so I can not camouflage as a cis man nor a cis woman to random people's eyes, I'm visibly trans in every situation. I personally want to be this way, but I lack the option of conditional "safety" in stealth or closet.

- I don't regognize myself from how I look with breasts in most attires :/

....

Conlusions...

I don't think my breasts look more unfit to how I feel inside than my entire face does.

We're born wearing random generated flesh suits and most people would probably choose being a literal dragon at any given time anyways.

I have never in my life been able to identify with my physical appearance and it goes way further than only sex characteristics. It even goes into how I don't identify with how humans look and would pick being a wolf or a lion over this shit any day. Tbh chimps aren't bad either so I'd literally return to monke and be happier lol.

Like. I'm just someone who can't even relate to my own body. I think having or not having breasts makes very little difference to how I feel about this.

I wear my -real- "fake tits" with a sense or pride and eroticism about them and feel hot about them while I also can't relate to how they look on me. That is fine.

I can't even relate to my own face and have mental breakdowns over the dysmorphia it gives me!!

So, honestly, those tits are allright. 👍

[thepageofhopes]

I really love the subversion of power fantasy/shounen/isekai etc and I LOVE unreliable narrators. It seems like re:zero is both of these things from how much I've interacted with it so far?? (I've read the first volume of the webnovel version.) But I haven't hit the point yet where it's really clicked with me. Do you have any recommendations for picking it up again? (Like jumping over to the anime, or which version of the novel I should go with?)

Seeing all of your re:zero posts has really gotten me curious! I unfortunately hadn't really heard much about it before asides from very surface level "best girl" stuff.

I would definitely go with the anime, specifically for s1 the directors cut because it takes the already stellar visuals of the original and upgrades it.

I know a lot of the re:Zero fandom has problems with the anime because it cuts certain important scenes, but honestly I think a lot of the cuts are fine. We will see how season 3 handles the cuts because a lot of the cuts set up arc 5 & 6 reveals, but even then the animation, music, and voice acting more than make up for it.

There is also the manga which will be the quickest read, and is truer to the novels for better or worse (even keeping some scenes I honestly think were smart cuts from the anime), but then you miss out on the animation, music, and voice acting lol.

As far as content that the anime doesn't cover, there's a great youtube series by AsarathaHS where he summarizes and gives his thoughts on each of the phases of arcs 5 through 7 (the arcs right after season 1 and 2 of the anime), and my secret is that I haven't actually read arcs 5-7, I've just listened to his videos. I have all the current light novels but haven't really had the time to read them. It's great to put on at work/while working on other things! He also does a lot of cool re:Zero analysis videos and if ypu are anything like me, a good video essay can get you hyped for watching/reading a series.

Finally, for side content, nothing beats Witch Cult Translations and I highly recommend the re:Zero IF series. The concept of taking big moments where the main character makes one choice and seeing what would happen if he made the opposite is just...so good. A lot of them can be read as early as finishing season 1 (Pride, Wrath, Sloth), Greed can be read after finishing Season 2, and sadly the best one, Gluttony, requires finishing the light novels/web novels/Summary videos up to arc 6, but god is it worth it. Even outside of gluttony, they are all fantastic.

The one thing I'll caution is Subaru is less of a unreliable narrator and more just a deeply flawed character that learns and grows so much throughout the series. By the end of season 2, he's very much just....a genuinely great dude. If you've seen love is war, its very similar to Ishigami's arc.