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maya-matlin · 4 months ago

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hiiiii ashton <333 I know we've talked about it before but I recently was on a video and saw some comments that angered me and you know I ship leyton and brulian too but I just wanna hear your thoughts because you always give the best ones!! why do you personally prefer brucas over leyton? why don't you ship leyton? and what do you think about the comments from people saying how leyton were always supposed to be endgame even though s2&3 it certainly didn't feel that way!! and about the comments saying that chopia breaking up had nothing to do with it even though they broke up before brucas actually got back together and they could've very easily not put them together after chopia broke up if they wanted to lol I'm just very curious about your thoughts and don't really wanna discuss it in messenger tbh this is easier so I get all your opinions lol I love you so much and you always give the best responses and answers when I ask you things!! 💞💞💞

I literally don't, but thank you for saying that 💙💙 First things first, I did ship Lucas and Peyton in the past. So on some level, I understand the appeal because I also fell for them when I started watching One Tree Hill. Truth be told, one day I just snapped out of it. Before season 6 even premiered, I was watching my season 5 DVD and finding myself frustrated with the LP story line while appreciating the dynamic between Brucas. Anyways, since then I've watched every episode multiple times and analyzed both by myself and sometimes with others why exactly I don't root for Leyton and prefer Brucas. To me, they're representative of a lot of tropes that will never be my favorite. Meant to be from the pilot couples are always going to be a hard sell. The chemistry had better be something special and the ongoing story needs to be more than, "I immediately know you better than everyone else in your life after having a handful of conversations." There are always exceptions to this rule. Sometimes I fall for the ship fast (Stelena, sorry). Other times it takes until nearly the entire first season or until the second (Ephram/Amy from Everwood, Max/Liz from OG Roswell, Spelivia) for me to get past the beginning and appreciate what the couple is at the heart of it. Needless to say, this sums up Leyton (derogatory). So much of their connection is told to the audience rather than shown. From day one, it's automatically clear that this is the couple to root for. Their only real obstacle, Nathan, is a comically terrible, borderline abusive boyfriend, so the fact Lucas in early season 1 is the anti Nathan pushes him incredibly hard as Peyton's ideal match. Once Brucas starts up, there's an immediate difference in energy and chemistry. Both Lucas and Peyton take themselves so seriously. It's always deep feelings and angst and brooding and "oh, we want to be together, but the circumstances are just too hard." And meanwhile, it's only like episode 9. Brooke has deep feelings and her own insecurities, but on the outside she doesn't take life super seriously and is someone who acts rather than internalizing everything. Brooke's influence on Lucas's life feels like a breath of fresh air. Lucas begins to loosen up and see that there can be more to life than his preconceived ideas of how the world works and how everyone should be acting. On Lucas's end, he encourages Brooke to develop her intellectual side and see that she has so much more to offer than being the life of the party and someone who gets validation from sleeping with a lot of guys. Lucas is the first person Brooke wants to get serious with. Even better, this is a story line we actually get to see play out. When Lucas and Brooke talk about what they like about each other, it all tracks because we've been watching their attraction bloom and seeing how in a lot of ways, they're at their best together. Sorry, this is getting long. This is all solely based on season 1. By the end of the season, Lucas and Peyton cheat for the first time. This sadly becomes a pattern for them. Brooke is emotionally devastated. And though Lucas immediately seems to feel guilt over hurting Brooke, it takes him time to see how far he's strayed from the type of person he wants to be.

Season 2 is a massive gamechanger for Brucas. This is the first time they're truly able to be friends. Without the expectation of a relationship, Brooke and Lucas are able to connect on a deeper level. Yet again, this is something shown to us rather than told. This is the kind of relationship both took the time to develop. Much like in season 1, Lucas encourages Brooke to invest in her more intellectual, soulful side. Lucas himself works on being more selfless, taking the time to improve as a person. Unlike when Lucas pined for Peyton while she was dating Nathan and embarked on an affair during his first relationship with Brooke, this time Lucas allows Brooke's relationship with Felix to play out without any interference while still being a friend. Lucas is aware of his own feelings, but he also knows how badly he hurt Brooke in the past and has no reason to think a second chance is even a possibility. When Lucas kisses Brooke after months of close friendship and opening up to each other emotionally (albeit with Brooke understandably on guard post cheating and Lucas hiding his rediscovered feelings), it feels earned. The third season is a mixed bag. At its best, season 3 Brucas is a perfect mix of seasons 1 and 2 Brucas. Both seem to be equally emotionally invested in the relationship working out and view each other as basically their endgame. But the fun and the lightheartedness exist, as well. Brooke is still someone who brings light and fun to Lucas's life. On Lucas's end, it starts to get murky as the show gets closer and closer to the shooting episode. After spending so much time veering away from the possibility of Lucas and Peyton together with emphasis on Lucas's love for Brooke, the strength of the Brooke/Peyton friendship and even how Lucas and Peyton are actually able to be platonic, healthy friends themselves, everything gets destroyed so that the show can return to Leyton. On the one hand, it's not as though it's totally out of nowhere or implausible because again, the narrative went so hard in Leyton's favor during the first season. But at the same time, it doesn't feel believable to me when it finally happens. Lucas seems to flip flop from getting past his breakup with Brooke to declaring Peyton is the one he wants next to him when his dreams come true in mere seconds. The writers LOVE to make Lucas in denial about his feelings for Peyton. Past the first season, we don't get Lucas pining for Peyton. We just don't. We got Lucas pining for Brooke during season 2 and part of 3 and even Lucas wanting Lindsey back after she leaves him at the altar, but for the lion's share of LP's history, it's Peyton desperately wanting Lucas and somewhat being willing to sacrifice everything just for the chance of being with him. So because of this, Lucas becomes an almost passive love interest where he's told over and over again what he should want and what his true feelings are until he just kind of.. says fine, choosing Peyton. That alone is why I prefer Brucas. It's the more compelling story line and relationship. Plus, the chemistry.

And I hate to do it, but this vs this:

Chemistry is unpredictable, always up for debate, and shouldn't always be the deciding factor in what a person ships. My shipping preferences have been all over the place in this area. But when the writing is lacking and the chemistry isn't really selling the story either, these moments that are supposed to be powerful and come across as passionate somehow come across as phony and put on. In my opinion, Chad and Hilarie had buddy chemistry while Chad and Sophia had the passionate, in love type of chemistry due in large part to literally being in love and married in real life.

As a viewer, I really resent being told that Lucas was simply denying his true feelings for no other reason I can think of except maliciousness when he spent basically two and a half seasons wanting Brooke over Peyton. The romantic relationship with Lucas and Peyton during seasons 4 and 6 seems like the healthier option on the surface, but it comes back to how I feel about Lucas as a passive love interest and Peyton's arc being so wrapped up in whether or not she gets the guy. This is pretty much spelled out towards the end of season 3. During a conversation between Brooke and Peyton, Brooke confides in Peyton that during Lucas's absence she realized that she wasn't as reliant on his physical presence as she thought she'd be. From Brooke's perspective, all this means is that Brooke is somehow capable of loving and being happy independently of the man she loves. But on One Tree Hill, this is supposed to imply Brooke either doesn't truly love Lucas, is falling out of love with Lucas, or that Peyton loves Lucas more because she doesn't desire independence outside of him. It's a gross message to say the least. This brings me full circle, back to season 5. Between seasons, Lucas proposed to Peyton and broke off the relationship when she didn't accept his proposal. Objectively speaking, not the worst thing in the world and a valid thing to do if this is a deal breaker. But this causes the Lucas/Peyton relationship to be heavily imbalanced and in Lucas's favor over Peyton's. Lucas stops feeling like the kind of person who follows his heart and more this desperate guy who wants to marry someone to the point the bride doesn't actually matter. If I go along with the idea that Lucas was in love with Peyton throughout the intervening years, throughout season 5 and for the entirety of his romance with Lindsey, what does that say about Lucas? One, he's the kind of guy who is so out of touch with his own emotions that nothing he says should ever be trusted. Or two, he's an asshole and will willingly commit himself to another woman under false pretenses just because he didn't get what he wanted from his first choice on his terms. Peyton's love for Lucas is meant to be undying and unconditional, causing her to behave in such selfish, desperate ways. Lucas, on the other hand, proves that his affection for Peyton is very conditional. He's not willing to compromise. He doesn't want to wait around for Peyton to catch up with where he is.

And in the mean time, Lucas bouncing between Peyton and Lindsey actually means season 5 Brucas is a very good alternative for Lucas. It's all very unspoken, but the chemistry and the connection between Lucas and Brooke never goes away. Much like in season 2, the possibility of romance is very much off the table. Brooke returns to Tree Hill not to win Lucas back, but because she misses her hometown and sees herself settling down there. Because nothing is being pushed on either end, it's much easier for adult Lucas and adult Brooke to be friends in a way that's impossible for Lucas and Peyton. They're able to relate to each other outside of high school and their past romance. A flashback reveals that Lucas was the first person Brooke told that she wanted to have a baby. During the time Brooke is taking care of Angie, Lucas becomes the kind of person Brooke can depend on and lean on for emotional support. Even outside of season 5, there's a consistent theme of Lucas being the best, most selfless version of himself with Brooke. It's as though Brooke's influence in Lucas's life mixed with their season 1 history almost demands that Lucas be better when they're together. Both Brooke and Lucas are in the place where they're looking to settle down. In a moment that's kind of a contrast to season 3

Unlike in season 3 when Lucas was trying to fight for Brooke but kind of clueless when it came to working out what she wanted from him, this time Lucas realizes that no matter how strong Brooke seems to be, she needs him to show up for her. There will always be endless potential for season 5+ Brucas, in my opinion. Their strong bond and complementary desires for a future shine through even as the narrative reminds us over and over again that Peyton is the one who loves Lucas most and that anything that isn't about Peyton is merely "denial" or Lucas "hiding his heart." Anyways, Lucas literally fantasizes about marrying all of his major love interests, Brooke included. The dream sequence wants us to believe Brooke and Lucas want very different things, making them fundamentally incompatible. The entirety of seasons 5-9 disagrees with this, but Lucas still ends up with Peyton.

When it comes down to it, I don't like the people Lucas and Peyton are around each other. As friends, it's mostly okay. They certainly share common interests and Peyton lacks the trust issues Lucas's other girlfriends have considering she's always the other woman. But.. so much of their love story comes across as incredibly forced with so many holes in it. Their arc throughout the first six seasons does NOT hold water. Peyton isn't allowed to be a fully fleshed out person with goals that don't perfectly align with becoming Mrs. Lucas Scott. Lucas holds all the cards, resulting in him becoming far more selfish and almost childish in the way he acts like season 1 Lucas who is still butthurt his crush didn't want to commit to him after one make out session. Even in the final season, I don't see much if any growth. It's the final season for both characters and the show played out the beats of broken up Leyton, so they're put back together. So much of what happens between Lucas and Peyton is heavily reliant on the idea of everything coming full circle without any regard for how one or both have changed since then. Brucas doesn't have this problem. If nothing else, Brooke and Lucas's relationship goes through multiple changes, with each phase feeling much more mature and deeper than the one before. Even though their past and Brooke's trust issues are recurring problems, their actual dynamic always remains in the present.

As for your last question, I'll never know for sure what discussions were like behind the scenes circa seasons 2 and 3. But based on how season 2 played out, I think there's a very good chance the endgame shifted. The underlying tension and romantic affection between Lucas and Peyton was completely gone. Lucas realized he wanted to be with Brooke and never seemed to consider Peyton. Even Peyton, who has ambiguous moments that refer to possible feelings for Lucas even before the shooting, doesn't have this during the second season. She spends far more time pining for and loving Jake. When Peyton expresses displeasure over her relationship with Lucas, it's that he hasn't been the kind of friend that shows up for her emotionally. Lucas's response to this is to bring Jake back to town LOL. In terms of season 3, it gets confusing. Chad and Sophia didn't separate until multiple episodes into the first half of season 3. Meaning, the groundwork was already being laid for Brucas's failed friends with benefits/casual relationship to become a deeper romantic one even before Chad and Sophia split up. But at the same time, Lucas's friendship with Peyton was also being prioritized again with more references to their romantic past coming up outside of Brooke's insecurities. So with that in mind, it seems like LP was a possibility even as Brucas was rebuilding their relationship. However, I think the Chad/Sophia split permanently closed the door on any legitimate Brucas once their season 3 arc was completed. Personally, I don't think Peyton ending up with Lucas was set in stone until the end of season 3. Had Chad and Sophia never split up, I definitely think we would have seen another round of Brucas at some point because the chemistry alone would have demanded it. Plus, the gross producers capitalizing on the real life Chad/Sophia romance. In a universe where Chad and Sophia never broke up, my gut says Lucas ends up with Brooke. But nothing is 100%. To sum up my thoughts, I think there was a plan in place during season 1. I think another plan emerged during season 2. In season 3, the endgame was literally up for grabs. But Chad and Sophia's breakup sealed the deal.

I love you, too! I'm so sorry for making you read all this.

#Brucas #otp: She's the one #Anti Leyton #userlaylivia #Not my gifs #Long post

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agaypanic · 2 years ago

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The Fella Part 8 (James Maguire X Quinn!Reader)

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Summary: A new English teacher comes to Our Lady Immaculate and inspires the girls in more ways than one.

A/N: long time no see lol

***

“It’s a little exhausting sneaking around like this, don’t you think?” James asked as he and Y/n walked onto the bus. They had both told their families they would catch the early bus because they had assignments to work on. It wasn’t entirely untrue. They just left some parts out, Like meeting at a bakery for breakfast before going on the bus, working on their assignments later in the day instead of when they got to school, and that they were going together in the first place.

“A bit,” Y/n answered, letting her head fall on James’ shoulder while she looked out the window. A few girls were on the bus not paying attention, so she did it without caution. “But I like it. Just us. Without the chaos of friends and family.”

“But it won’t be like this forever, right?” He was timid. The two were about two months into their secret relationship, and it seemed that as the days passed, the more effort they had to put into being secretive.

Y/n reached for James’ hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Definitely not.”

An hour later, the rest of the girls had joined the secret couple at the school. Luckily, they didn’t seem to care much about what they were supposedly up to. Instead, they talked about what they did over the weekend, what they wanted to do next weekend, and how they didn’t want to go to assembly that morning.

But they did it anyways because they were required to. They stood in a row like the other students as they watched Sister Michael go on about a baby Jesus statue next to her.

“I still don’t get what it’s supposed to be,” James whispered after staring at it for a few minutes.

“It’s Jesus as a wain,” Michelle said.

“Why has he got a big red hat on?”

“Nobody knows,” Y/n responded. Sister Michael went on about how the Bishop wished for baby Jesus to go to every school in the Derry Diocese. A headmaster of one of the schools stood on the other side of the statue, waiting to accept it. But that didn’t last long.

“I fear you may have had a wasted journey.” Michael’s gaze went from the headmaster to the statue. “I’ve thought about it, and I’d much rather just hold on to him, really. He brightens up my office. He doesn’t answer back. I like the fella.”

There was some snickering in the crowd as the headmaster was brushed aside.

“Now, what else was there?” Sister Michael thought before giving a short nod. “Ah, yes. Sadly, Sister Patrick has decided to leave us. She’s returning to her missionary work, educating the heathen inhabitants of a primitive and savage place.”

“She’s…” A woman near Sister Michael said, “taken a teaching post in Belfast, Sister.”

“Precisely. The Board of Governors promised me that her replacement would arrive today, but as usual, they were talking out of their-”

The doors behind the girls opened with a bang. A woman with long hair walked in wearing leather and holding a helmet.

“I believe you’ve been expecting me.” Her voice bounced off the walls. Sister Michael sighed.

“Here we go.” She muttered under her breath.

***

The woman ended up being the girls’ new English teacher. Her name was Ms. De Brún, which she wrote on the chalkboard before turning to the class. She looked like she didn’t want to be there.

“What is it we should be doing, Miss?” Jenny asked.

“What should you be doing?” She said. “Now, there’s a question. But let me ask you a better one. What is it you want to do?”

“Get pished,” Michelle muttered, making Y/n, her desk neighbor, snort. Only Michelle would think about getting hammered this early in the day.

“I’d quite like some feedback on the poetry assignment, actually,” Jenny said.

“Boo.” Y/n groaned.

“Dickhead.” Michelle rolled her eyes.

“It counts towards our final grade, people.” Jenny raised her voice while Ms. De Brún went around the desk. She sifted through papers.

“This is 12A, right?”

“That is correct, Miss.”

“And you are?”

“Jenny.” She folded her hands on her desk with a smug smile. “Jenny Joyce.”

“You think De Brún would mind if I offed myself?” Y/n asked Michelle sarcastically while the teacher grabbed Jenny’s paper.

“The Flower, by Jenny Joyce.” Jenny suddenly looked horrified.

“You’re not going to read it out, are you?”

“Of course. Poetry should always be read aloud.” De Brún looked from Jenny to her paper. “Some flowers are tall. Some flowers are small. Some flowers barely grow at all.” She then set the paper down, clearly not impressed.

“That’s not the end.”

“It should be.” Ms. De Brún grabbed the rest of the stack. “Here’s a poem about a dog. Here’s another one about a dog.” She paused to look at one. “This one has no name on it. An English Rose Among Thorns?”

Everyone immediately knew who wrote that one. Y/n looked behind her to see James sheepishly look down. Despite feeling bad for the boy, she let out a small giggle along with the rest of the class. But not for the same reason as them. His shyness was adorable to her.

“I can see why you might want to remain anonymous.” De Brún commented before looking through more poems. “Dog poem. Poem about a tree. This one’s called Boys.” She pulled it out of the stack to read. “I think boys are really class. Especially the ones who have a nice ass.”

Y/n could see Michelle mouthing the end of it before speaking with a goofy smile.

“It’s called a haiku.”

“That’s not what I would call it. Dog poem. Dog poem. This one’s just a picture of a dog.” She stared at it for a few seconds before setting it aside on her desk. “That’s not bad, actually.”

“Thank you very much.” Orla smiled.

“This person has written about how much they love their English class in an embarrassing attempt to suck up to the teacher.” Even though she was across the room, Y/n could sense Clare cringing.

“Dog poem. Dog poem. Cat poem.” As De Brún went on, Erin raised her hand. Y/n groaned, sensing what her sister was about to say.

“Yes?”

“I think a lot of people in this class, and I know no one will mind me saying this, have a very basic grasp of the creative process. Whereas I’ve been writing for years, so I’m really not afraid to put myself out there, to be bold. To take risks.”

“And you are?”

“Erin Quinn.” She had some of the same smugness that Jenny had, but it didn’t go away when Ms. De Brún pulled out her paper.

“The bullets fired on the streets as I lie in my bed, are nothing to the bullets being fired….” She sighed. “In my head.”

“It’s about The Troubles.” Erin jumped to explain. “In a political sense. But also about my own troubles, in a personal sense.”

“I understand the weak analogy. This isn’t bold, Erin. It’s someone failing to be bold.”

“Well, I’m sorry if the subtleties of my work were lost on you, Miss De Brún.”

“Poetry is truth.” De Brún started. “And great poetry is raw and real and messy and glorious and ugly. It’s dragged from the depths of the soul. It helps us understand each other and ourselves. Do you get what I’m saying? It’s not often in life you’re allowed to tear up the page and start over.” For dramatic effect, she tore Erin’s paper in half. “But I’m gonna give you that chance. Impress me.”

***

That evening, the girls and James went to the Quinn household. Luckily, the rest of the family was out to the movies, so the teens wouldn’t be bothered. Candy wrappers and scrapped paper littered the dining table as the girls mumbled and wrote.

“God, this whole ‘writing-from-the-soul’ thing is a nightmare.” Erin groaned as she tore another page from her notebook, tossing it somewhere in the room.

“I know.” Michelle agreed. “What rhymes with ride?”

“Bide.” Y/n muttered, staring at her blank page.”

“Bide?” Michelle scoffed. “What the fuck does ‘bide’ mean? Bide… That’s not a word.”

“It is a word, Michelle.” Erin insisted.

“Bide? You’ve lot pure made that up.”

“Can we all be quiet? Please.” A frazzled Clare pleaded as she scribbled out words.

Orla put down her pencil and showed her notebook to James, who sat across from her. On the page was a drawing of the boy, except his eyes were colored red.

“What do you think, James?” Orla asked. “You’ve got red eyes ’cause I ran out of brown.” James went to speak, but Y/n beat him to it.

“His eyes are green.” She said, not looking up from her page, which was still blank. James glanced at her, nodding slightly.

“What she said.”

“Now you tell me.” Orla dropped the notebook, seemingly betrayed.

The girls tossed ideas to each other, but unfortunately, nothing stuck. The writing session didn’t last long, for when another idea went down the drain, the door opened.

The Quinn family was home.

The teens scrambled to clean up the mess, but it was too late.

“Sweet Jesus.” Mary looked horrified.

“Mammy, we can explain,” Erin said with a mouth full of sweets.

“Not the Christmas cupboard.”

“We needed energy for our poetry.”

“I’ll give you energy for your poetry!” Mary shouted. “What am I supposed to do? I’ll have to start from scratch now, and December’s only round the corner.”

“It’s eight months away, Love,” Gerry commented. But that just made Grandpa Joe turn the blame onto him, a usual occurrence. The girls tried to tell Mary about Miss De Brún and her words, but she just turned the blame on them. Another usual occurrence.

***

“It was difficult, so you’ve just given up?” Miss De Brún asked the girls in her classroom the following day. She slowly paced around the group. “You might fail, so why bother trying?”

“Exactly. Told you she’d understand.” Michelle said. De Brún stopped in front of a framed picture near the window.

“Have you ever stopped to look at these?” She asked. The girls and James walked over to the picture. It was a picture from years ago of students from Our Lady Immaculate. “These faces from the past. They’re not so different from you, really. They had dreams like you do. They had ambitions. But now, they’re gone. Dead. Dust.”

Clare pointed at a girl in the photo.

“That’s my auntie Anne, third from the left. She’s not dead.” Clare was shushed by De Brún. “She’s only 54.”

“But did they fulfill those dreams? Those ambitions?” Ms. De Brún asked. “One day, girls, you too will just be an old photograph in a hallway.” A shiver went down everyone’s spine as they thought about their teacher’s words. “You only get one life. Don’t be afraid to live it.”

***

Ms. De Brún had become such an influence on the girls’ lives in just a few days. They became bolder, which meant wearing more of what they wanted, including winged eyeliner like their teacher. Even James, which Y/n lovingly teased him about when they were alone.

Despite Clare’s reservations, the girls had even gone to Ms. De Brún’s house. After all, they were going to a teacher’s house at night. Everyone had gotten a little tipsy and soon left after Erin and Ms. De Brún started reciting poetry. On the way back home, they had a run-in with Jenny Joyce. The encounter ended with the girls dragging Clare away, who was drunkenly talking about Jenny’s mother.

“Do you think Clare should sleep at ours?” Y/n asked Erin and Orla. The girl in question stumbled around, clinging to Michelle and James. “I think her mum will kill her if she sees her.”

“Might as well.” Erin turned to Michelle and James. “You guys wanna stay over as well?”

“I’d rather not deal with Clare like this more than I have to,” Michelle muttered.

“I don’t think your family would appreciate me staying over,” James commented.

“Oh, come on. We could just sneak you in.” Y/n joked. To everyone else, she was definitely kidding. But the look James gave her showed that he was actually considering it.

Luckily, the adults paid them no mind when the girls and James got to the Quinn residence. They were too busy arguing over some movie they were supposed to see but got cut short. James helped Erin and Y/n sneak Clare up to Erin’s room before saying goodbye and leaving.

After making sure Clare had water and medicine for the morning, Y/n said goodnight to her sister, friend, and cousin before heading to her own room. She sat on her bed, trying to destress from the night’s events when she heard a timid knock on her window. She whipped around, terrified, only to see James. She rushed to the window and opened it.

“What are you doing, James?” Y/n hissed quietly. “How did you even get up here?”

“I climbed.” He said like it was obvious. It was, but she hadn’t expected him to climb the side of her house tonight. “Michelle was already leaving when I came in to help with Clare, so I don’t think she’ll notice I’m gone until the morning. Can I come in?”

Y/n immediately moved out of his way, helping him into her room.

“You know, when I said you could sneak in, I was joking.” She laughed quietly, not wanting attention drawn to her room. “But, if I’m honest, I’m glad you did.”

“Me too,” James spoke, inching towards her. His arms wrapped around her, and he gave her a kiss. “I’ve been really thinking about what Ms. De Brún said. About how you can’t be afraid to live. And it made me realize that I don’t want to hide anymore.”

“What are you saying, James?” Y/n asked softly. “Was everybody right? Are you gay?” They both laughed, him pinching her side at the silly question.

“No, I’m not gay. How many times do I have to say that?” The quiet laughter ceased, and he continued. “I’m saying I don’t want us to hide anymore. I want people to know we’re dating.”

That didn’t shock Y/n. She knew how tiring it was to hide their relationship, especially from their friends. She also knew that James was thinking more about telling everyone. But she didn’t think he’d want to do it so soon.

“Are you sure?” She asked. The boy could overthink sometimes. There was a chance he was just swept up in De Brún words and her effect on the group.

“Yeah.” He nodded, pulling her closer. “Obviously, if you’re not ready, we don’t have to. But I want you to know that I’m ready.”

Y/n nodded, letting the words sink in.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” A smile crept onto James’ face.

“Yeah. I just think we should let it happen naturally, though. Like if it comes up, then it comes up.” The couple agreed, sharing a kiss. “Wanna spend the night?”

“Please.” Y/n’s smile widened, if that was even possible. She went to her closet and pulled out some of James’ clothes that he had left for occasions like this. They faced away from each other to change. When they were done, they got under Y/n’s covers. Y/n turned off the lamp on her bedside table, and James held her close to his chest.

“Thank you.” He whispered, both of them drifting off.

“For what?”

“For wanting to be seen with me.” Y/n knew what he was talking about. Not only was the boy English, but many people acted like they were bothered by his very existence. Y/n couldn’t understand how someone could look at a boy like James and feel what people usually felt instead of what she felt when she looked at him.

“I want you through and through, Jamie.” He smiled at the nickname, even more so when she kissed his cheek before settling her head back down on his chest.

***

The next morning, Y/n helped James sneak out her window before she got dressed for school and headed downstairs. She heard her mother quarreling with her sister Erin, so she felt it was best to just grab some toast and head out. Eventually, everyone met up at the bus stop. James made a point to sit beside Y/n on the bus as they headed to school, arm draped around the seat. The move seemed so casual that no one said anything.

The girls went to class, excited to see Ms. De Brún. But they skidded to a stop when they entered the classroom to see Sister Michael erasing the chalkboard. She turned and looked at the girls expectantly.

“Take a seat, please, ladies.” She gestured to all the empty desks, except for Jenny Joyce, who always made a point to be early, before sitting down herself.

“Where’s Ms. De Brún?” Erin asked.

“Gone. And she’s not coming back.”

“What?”

“I knew it.” Clare groaned. “When I woke up this morning, I had a feeling something terrible was going to happen and also that essentially, deep down, I’m quite an evil person.”

“That’s just a hangover, Clare,” Y/n said, patting her friend’s shoulder.

“Yeah, you’ll be grand,” Michelle added, being the expert on this kind of thing.

“I will be taking this class for the rest of the term.” Sister Michael said. “It makes me want to pull off my own face, but needs must.”

Erin stomped up to Jenny Joyce, getting in her face.

“This was you, wasn’t it? What did you do? What did you say?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“Aye, so you don’t. Supergrass!”

“Chill, Erin!” Y/n reprimanded her sister.

“That’s quite enough.” Sister Michael added.

“You don’t understand, sister,” Erin said, looking at her. “Ms. De Brún, she touched us.”

“Oh my god.” Y/n’s voice came out horrified at the wording.

“What?”

“She made us think. She made us feel.”

“Thank god. That would be all I need.” Sister Michael sighed in relief at the clarification.

“You can’t sack her!” Erin yelled suddenly. “You just can’t!”

“Miss Quinn, you appear to be under the misapprehension that you can address me as though you are my equal.” Sister Michael hissed. The bell rang. “I suggest you rein it in and take a seat.”

***

It was all Erin’s idea. Everyone else was either stupid or bored enough to go along with it.

Sister Michael had judo on Fridays, so it was the perfect day for the girls to enact their revenge. The girls had decided that since Sister Michael had taken something precious from them, they would do the same.

“Creepy wee fucker, isn’t he?” Michelle looked at the baby Jesus statue they took from Sister Michael’s office to place in the English classroom.

“I would just like to state once again for the record that I think this might be the worst idea we’ve ever had,” Clare whined.

“Understatement of the year,” Y/n muttered, watching her friends move around.

“Look, do you want to help Ms. De Brún or not?” Erin asked.

“Can we not find a way to help her that doesn’t involve abducting a holy statue?”

“We’re not abducting him, Clare.” Erin rolled her eyes. “We’re kidnapping him.”

“That’s quite literally the same thing, Erin,” Y/n said. Erin sighed.

“We’ll give him back on the condition that Ms. De Brún is rightfully reinstated.” Y/n and Clare laughed sarcastically.

“Oh, yeah. Sister Michael will be fully on board with that idea.”

James took out a camera to take a photo of the statue to accompany the ransom note Erin was currently writing. When the first picture came out, James and Michelle decided to move the figure into a better position. Unfortunately, being how they were, they couldn’t agree and kept tugging on the statue. Before they knew it, it hit the floor.

“Oh my god,” Y/n whispered in horror, picking up the head of baby Jesus, which cracked off from the statue.

“Let’s glue him!” Someone said.

“Yeah! We’ll just stick it back on.” Orla grabbed glue and took the head from Y/n, scrambling to get it back on. “We’ll stick it back on, and it’ll all be grand.” The girls crowded around the statue, trying to help put the head on.

“Jesus, girls!” Their attention snapped to Sister Michael, who stood in the classroom doorway. The girls ran to stand in front of the statue, hopefully blocking her view. “What are you still doing here? I thought we had an intruder. And I tell you what, he’d have been a sorry boy, for I just nailed some serious moves.” She tightened the belt on her Judo uniform.

“We were just working on our English project, sister.” Erin smiled nervously, hoping her lie wasn’t too noticeable. Sister Michael peered at the group suspiciously.

“Step aside.” She said simply. Everyone hesitated, but after seeing her stern glare, they moved away from what they tried to cover up. She looked horrified as she looked past to the statue that stood behind them. “What in God’s name have you done?” She muttered.

***

“How could you glue his head on upside down, Orla?” Y/n hissed as she and the others stood against a chalkboard, getting their picture taken like it was a group mugshot portrait. “He’s wearing a hat, for Christ’s sake!”

“Quiet!” Sister Michael reprimanded from her desk. The door opened, and she greeted whoever walked in. “Mary, Sarah, Deidre.”

“Oh, god.” Y/n whimpered at the mention of her mother’s name.

“Your girls involved in this beheading too, then?” Clare’s mom Deidre asked the other mothers.

“It wasn’t me, Mammy!” Clare said.

“Do not speak to me, Clare.” Her mother held a hand up, looking away from her. “In fact, don’t even breathe.” Clare immediately started to hold her breath, not wanting to upset her mother any further. Y/n winced at the scene.

“Take a seat, Mrs. Devlin.” Sister Michael gestured. When she sat, she got right down to business. “The statue was stolen from this room, so I’ve asked Miss Mooney to photograph the scene. Either it is replaced at your expense, or the school will sue.”

“To be honest, sister, and I’m not just saying this, I think he looked better.” Mary smiled nervously, thinking about how much her pockets would hurt if she had to replace that statue. Sister Michael eyed baby Jesus.

“He looks like his head’s on upside down.” She looked back at the mothers. “And I’ll be suspending them for a week.” That got more of a reaction.

“Please, no!” Mary cried out. “A week? We’re going to be stuck with them for a week?” At first, Y/n was offended. But then she remembered that her mother lived with most of the friend group.

“Be reasonable, sister!” Mrs. Devlin said. “We didn’t behead the fella.”

“By Christ, you’re in for it, girls.” Mary glared at her daughters.

“It was an accident, Mammy,” Erin said meekly.

“So you accidentally wrote a ransom note, did you?” Erin paused.

“Okay, that bit wasn’t an accident. But we were so upset by what happened to Ms. De Brún. It was wrong. She shouldn’t have been sacked.”

“She didn’t.” Attention turned to Sister Michael.

“What?” The girls asked.

There was a knock on the door, and the lady of the hour walked in.

“Sorry to interrupt, sister.” Ms. De Brún walked to her desk. “But if I could just grab the old p45, then I’ll be out of your way.” The girls watched as Sister Michael handed her a piece of paper.

“Excuse me?” Erin asked, tone begging for an explanation.

“Ms. De Brún has decided to leave us.”

“I got offered a post in St. Dominic’s girls. Better wages, holiday pay, great pension. The works. I couldn’t say no, really.”

“But what happened to living for the moment?” Y/n asked.

“What happened to ‘life should be spontaneous’?” Erin added.

“Yeah, I know.” She sighed, remembering all the things she had taught the girls in the week she had worked with them. “But I’m buying a house, and the mortgage rates are absolutely crippling at the moment.”

“Tell me about it. Desperate.” Sister Michael laughed. “Part of the reason I became a nun: free accommodation.”

“But, Ms. De Brún, you inspired me to do my greatest work,” Erin said.

“I see.” She nodded. “Which was?”

“My poem. My glass doll poem.” Ms. De Brún just looked at her, confused. “She’s a doll made of glass. She’s a glass doll. I read it to you last night.” Ms. De Brún nodded again.

“Yeah. I wasn’t really listening, to be honest.” If Erin wasn’t crushed before, she would have certainly turned to dust at that moment. “Cheers. Carpe diem.”

And with that, she was gone.

“Carpe dickhead.” Y/n said, staring at the door.

“Well, I guess we never knew who the real Ms. De Brún was,” Erin said in defeat.

“A bit like Keyser Söze.” Mary said, off in thought. She and her family wouldn’t shut up about that movie they never finished.

“The fella with the bad leg.” Sister Michael commented.

“What?”

“Keyser Söze. He was the fella with the bad leg. He was talking absolute shite the whole time. He was one of those….” Sister Michael trailed off, looking for the right word. “What do you call it? Unreliable narrators.”

“That’s very clever,” Mary said as if all the pieces of her life were finally falling into place.

“Look this way, girls.” The girls had forgotten why they were stuck in Sister Michael’s office in the first place. They all turned towards the photographer, and the camera flashed to take another picture of the criminals.

***

Y/n and James lay in her bed late at night. James was somehow able to sneak away from his aunt and cousin. Now they just had to stay quiet, so Y/n’s family wouldn’t catch them.

“Jamie?” Y/n whispered.

“Yeah, N/n?” He responded, staring up at her ceiling.

“Now that Ms. De Brún is gone….” She hesitated, wondering if she should actually ask the question that was on her mind. “Do you still want people to know? About us?”

James sat up, making Y/n do the same. He grabbed her hands.

“What do you mean?” She squeezed his hands, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Well, part of me was wondering if you were just riding on the high that De Brún got us on. You know, being bold and taking risks and such. And now that she’s gone, I just wanted to know if you still wanted everyone to know that we were together.”

He was silent for a moment, and Y/n prayed that she hadn’t upset him. He gripped her hands tightly, pulling her closer to him. One of his hands left hers to rest on her cheek, getting her to look at him.

“Of course I want people to know, Y/n. I know I can be heavily influenced, but that decision was all me. Ms. De Brún just helped me realize what I really wanted.”

“Which is?”

“To be with you.” He brought her hands up for him to kiss. “As much as I can be.”

Y/n suddenly shifted into his lap, hugging his shoulders. His arms wrapped around her waist as they sat in each other’s presence.

“No more hiding,” Y/n spoke into his shoulder. “I’m honestly sick of having to keep it a secret.”

“Me too.” James agreed. “So, should we tell them?”

Y/n pulled away just enough to look at him.

“Let them figure it out on their own. Being with you whenever I want is honestly all I need.” James nodded in agreement. He pulled her into a kiss, breaking away slightly to say something before going back in.

“No more hiding.”

~~~

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#james maguire x reader #james maguire #derry girls x reader #derry girls #agaypanic #the fella

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buckybarnesss · 2 years ago

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Sending this on anon -

I think there is a latent amount of misogyny in the star wars fandom that people aren't ready to face lol.

Like there was so much hate for RebelCaptain and Bix x Cassian (MechanicThief? Bixian?) After andor, and we were called homophobic for 'not wanting to ship' the mlm ships, and I'm like???!! First of all multiplies exist, and second of all, complex, dramatic, well written ships also should exist!

And I'm now seeing the same pattern where it's encouraged to ship Din with the men, but not with the women

I think that a lot of fans really need to look within their consumption and see if they're really looking for representation, or for Ken dolls they can experiment with.

DinBo is so fascinating and I really can't wait to see how they develop

oh y'all want me to get spicy. i'm gonna put his under a read more.

i don't even think it's latent. the female characters receive an excessive amount of hatred or are pitted against each other. i've been in fandom spaces a long, long, long time so i know it's sadly nothing new but people have a hard time accepting that not all the misogyny comes from men.

there is no quarter for woman characters like jyn erso and bo-katan. they will never please. especially when they may have possible romantic relationships with the male leads.

i have thoughts on the shipping atmosphere for the mandalorian and it's not positive.

i am very much a ship and let ship person. i prefer to stay in my lane and enjoy what i enjoy. no harm no foul.

but i do find it -- shall we say interesting -- that bo-katan and din have a multiple episode arc where they develop a deeper understanding of each other overcoming their differences from when they first met but is met with the attitude of ew no cooties. it is fine to prefer a more sibling dynamic between the two but some have been really nasty about others shipping it romantically.

i didn't even really ship it at first but it's grown on me over the course of the season. they compliment each other and have a lot of protentional to explore.

it's one thing to not like a ship but i've seen a lot of language that i consider problematic and outright anti behavior of labeling something you don't like with dog whistles of incest, grooming, toxic and disgusting when it's in fact none of those things at all. just say you don't ship it and keep stepping.

like, the most popular din ship over the past two years has been dinluke which is a perfectly acceptable ship but in canon they've exchanged like a handful of words in one scene. it's fanon.

the armorer and bo-katan has become a popular ship which is again built on a few interactions.

but somehow din and bo are terrible, no good and gross.

we don't even have canon sexualities for these characters and headcanons are not canon. hell, i personally see din on the ace spectrum and bo makes sense to me as bi but that's my headcanon.

this is also not dean winchester being based of a bisexual character and fifteen years of evidence of subtext or stiles stilinski's bisexual baiting by jeff davis on teen wolf.

i get the desire for more lgbta+ representation in star wars but a heterosexual relationship existing is not your enemy and if you think it is than you are part of the problem.

#my blog #the mandalorian #dinbo #getting spicy today #shipping discourse

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heylittleriotact · 2 months ago

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✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thanks you for the tag @preciouslittlebhaalbae - sorry this took absolutely forever to get to!

When did you start writing?

As soon as I was taught that a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. I was the weird savant kid in first grade that was writing far above the level of my peers, but my teacher became concerned about the content of my writing because it was all really graphic, vicious, violent horror stories that included scenarios like two girls walking home from school and finding a severed head on the playground - complete with a vivid description of its dead eyes and the gravel sticking to the gore and strips of flesh and viscera at the base of the neck. I got sent for some counselling sessions and was told by the adults in my life that I was a very talented writer, but that I should write nice stories that are happy and make people feel good. Clearly that didn't stick. Thank fuck for that.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I've been very lax on reading for the past ten years or so. I haven't been able to get into things or maintain focus on novels long enough to get properly into them, but I do enjoy a good biography or autobiography.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I'm very paranoid about my voice sounding too much like someone else's. I've been reading more recently than I have in years and it's reaaaaally screwing with my confidence when I start putting things on paper because I start questioning if it sounds derivative and has been subliminally influenced by the author I'm currently reading. I have been told in the past more than once that my style is reminiscent of Ne*l G*iman which is a compliment that has aged like milk, sadly.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I focus the best at work lol. I just chuck in a headphone, queue up some music, pull out my notebook and my fountain pen and away I go. I have a big, beautiful white marble topped reception desk and massive windows that look out into downtown. The reception area has nice warm pot-lights on dimmers so I don't have to suffer under fluorescent lights like everyone else. Overall 10/10 super cozy.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Music is a big one. I make character playlists for almost every major character I write with a mix of lyrical and instrumental music. It really helps me nail down motivations, personality, flaws, and how they feel.

Aside from that, going out and doing something always helps. Participating in something, observing people - all really great ways to find little pieces of life to cannibalize and turn into words.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

Alcoholism/substance abuse

PTSD/C-PTSD

Many other mental illnesses

Death and mortality

Magic as an entropic force that is largely misunderstood by those who study it

The first time I clocked the recurring nature of these themes I was like "huh" and now I just embrace them.

What is your reason for writing?

It's something I've always been compelled to do. As an abused child, it was very much an escape when I was young. As an abused adult, it was very much an escape when I got older. Writing has always been a great way for me to work through things that I've otherwise felt I have no control over. I can literally do whatever I want and it's very liberating.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

All of them. Any of them. The fact that anyone would take the time to not only read my writing, but also take the time to comment on it and give me their thoughts about it, how it made them feel, what they liked etc. is so meaningful to me. I write for myself and I don't change plots/directions based on what I think or know readers would like, so to have people trust in my vision and the direction it's going in and still come along for the ride is huge for me.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Hmmmm. I've never really thought about it. Mysterious and sexy, but pleasant and supportive seems like a nice way to be perceived.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I've been told that I have a knack for battle/fight scenes, violence, and gore, which is unsurprising when one considers my tendencies when I wrote as a child.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I'm glad to be doing it again in the first place. I stopped altogether a few months into 2017 because I had used it as a coping mechanism for various abuses and traumas over the years, and then escaped the abuse and no longer required a coping mechanism. Anytime I tried to pick up a pen after that I just triggered myself and felt reminded of all the horrid reasons that I wrote in the first place.

Such a long gap has fucked with my skill and writing style and it's extremely noticeable when you hold up what I was working on in 2017 next to what I put out these days, but it's not necessarily a bad thing: the me that wrote like that doesn't exist anymore and that's okay. I'm having fun getting to know how I write now.

I very much danced around writing explicit sexual content for years on account of my face turning red and me giggling like a twelve year old every time I tried for years, but this year I've put serious effort into writing more smut and getting better at it. It's by no means perfect, but I'm really proud of how confidently I can approach sexual content these days.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

If I get too hung up on what other people want or might like I literally feel my characters cease to be mine and start to become weird gaseous inconsistencies in my mind. My stories deal with heavy themes, darkness, and personal struggles that I try to convey in a realistic way and that's not for everyone. Sometimes I wish I could just write nice happy stories like they told me to when I was a kid, but I feel like forcing myself into a box that isn't for me would be a betrayal to myself and this odd talent with words that I have.

Smut though? That's all about people-pleasing. Smut is written for me to enjoy, and you to enjoy, and anyone who comes across it to enjoy.

My brain is sore now so I won't tag anyone, but feel free to steal this if you'd like to!

#v writes

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parental-unit-of-chaos · 2 months ago

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My 21st birthday is in 2 days

Another year has passed, 11 more than I thought I would get to see. Everyone says I should be happy, am I, at least I think I am. I'm still not sure what that is supposed to feel like. It's more bittersweet than anything, humorous in a dark way. I've been searching for jobs for like 3 months now, haven't gotten too much luck just yet. Though, it feels oddly healing when I apply to jobs that was my dream job when I was a teen. Even, though I have the qualifications for an assistant manager role, on paper I only have enough to do lower roles. This usually causes problems due to my energy and being able to learn everything from my role and manager's tasks within shifts within 2 months of working at a company, everyone tends to socially put me into a leadership role. Going to me, if the actual Shift manager or assistant manager is too busy.

I really do hope my HotTopic or Spencer's job applications work out. Last year, I finally fully healed my inner child, only for my inner teen to come out swinging. Honestly, it feels like I'm broken and whole at the exact same time most days. I know what emotion I should be feeling in situations, but I'm not sure if I'm actually feeling them. C-PTSD is a fucking bitch when it's mixed with Autism & ADHD. I still feel like I'm floating through life, not sure at all of what river I'm going down. I know it's not one where a waterfall is at the end of it, but that's about it. Everything else is pretty fuzzy. I love writing, I love drawing, I love to sing, I love developing into spirituality, but I feel horrible about doing them, instead of looking for jobs, but if I constantly look for jobs, I get burnt out on them. I wish just screaming and crying for 2 hours, solved everything, but sadly, life doesn't work that way. Atleast, I have my partner to help me work through this, but that shouldn't be his job 24/7. I wish I could just wave my hand and the best life that fits to me as a person becomes my life, but not even witchcraft works like that, lol. As for my witchcraft, it's be kinda stagnant, I've figured out Archangel Gaberial, Lady Lilith and Cernurous have been kinda chillin' in the background. I've been kinda scared to step into that, it's haunting, even though, I've worked with deities before!

Just to clarify to everyone, I'm not gonna hurt myself or anything, just want to vent out some things, and people can add to it from their experience if they want.

#21st birthday #life update #i kinda dont know anymore #jobsearch #i need a fucking cig and cuddles

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bohnsky · 1 year ago

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two and a half months into liking f1, here are my favorites:

1. Alex Albon

I think this is obvious. I just love Alex too much. Sadly this weekend wasn't great for Williams and it stressed me so much that Valtteri was on a mission to snatch P11 from my boy, but Albono's defending is so good, still sadly no points😭😭

2. Sergio Perez

This was a very hard decision, but I thought it's true for me right now and I can still change it back later so now Checo is on second for now.

I'm so obsessed with this man, I even wrote a Chestappen fic. It rarely happens that I'm so inspired that I actually put my ideas on paper.

FP1 made me want to cry and the German commentator couldn't stop hating (it wasn't really hating, just stating facts with a negative untertone, but it annoyed me) and I'm really starting to dislike Ralf Schumacher, he's always acting like he's so much better than every other driver lol (easy to say those things when you're not driving anymore, yes I'm looking at both of you, Ralf and Nico). But honestly I'm exaggerating, they're not that bad.

Also all the memes about Checo's crash. I was desperatly looking for posts that empathize with him and only found memes😭

(if I wasn't this deep, I would find them funny lol)

The race today was great tho. I would've loved to see him get P2 and I believe it would've been possibly, but I don't know anything so whatever. And I'm super happy for Lando and podium is podium. And driver of the day is well deserved. Checo knows how to gain positions. Now he just needs to start performing in Quali again :D

3. Charles Leclerc

Not the best weekend for Ferrari. The race today was a mess for them. Charles' first pit stop made me want to cry. It did seem like the team was trying to fuck Charles specificly over, with the water problem and that pit stop. I just want to see Ferrari back in the front.😭

Honerable mentions:

Nyck and Daniel. I just have to talk about that. I can't really be happy for Daniel. I really started to like Nyck and I think there is a reason he got into F1 in the first place. He's a good driver and I really believe that he just needed more time. I understand that the team felt like they needed to do something, but to Nyck it's unfair. I just hope he gets over the pain quickly.

And Danny deserves better than Alpha Tauri. Like what is he supposed to prove in that shit box. Also I am so obsessed with Checo that I'm still so scared that they might drop him if Danny does really good and I keep thinking what would that mean for Yuki? etc

Now after the weekend, I still don't know how to feel about the whole situation and I actually started avoiding Danny content, which is stupid and sad. Danny deserves a seat and it's not his fault that the circumstances suck.

the Haas boys. Never thought I would say that, but I kinda dig their dynamic.

George. I've been thinking about George a lot lately and I really like him, but somehow he is super weird to me. Idek what exactly, somehow everything about him is weird, but lovable. From his stupid big eyes and his ridiculously long legs, to his strange laugh and his accent. I really don't know anything about the differences in british accents but his accent is the weirdest to me. I like it and I understand it perfectly, but it's just weird (I'm sorry, I'm not trying to offend anyone😭)

Also his PR stuff is so cringy. I love how he's just embracing it all, but it sometimes feels like he is an old man, who doesn't understand the internet but loves learning about it😭

And his race was impressive af. He really knows how to drive.

Fun fact: my brother thinks he should be Mercedes' first driver.

Lance. I've grown extremely fond of him. He's just a sweetheart and getting dangerously close to my top three. I might have to take him into consideration soon.

He's a cat. I love cats.

Initially I disliked him for the dumbest reason (being a rich kid), but even then I knew (or I was expecting) that the day would come that I start liking him and here we are. He's the kind of person I would want to be friends with.

Logan. Through Alex I've become somewhat of a Williams fan. And I really like it when Logan has a good day. The FPs were great for him. The race sucked tho (whatever happened there), but he didn't seem too mad about it.

Lewis. I couldn't believe my eyes when he took pole. I was so happy, but then the race start was so bad😭😭

And I feel incredibly bad that I didn't want him to get P3😭

He was just so close to Checo in the last few laps and I really wanted Checo on the podium. Please don't get me wrong, I would have loved to see Lewis on the podium. I would've loved to see him win, but with Max, Lando and Checo in front, I just couldn't cheer for him😭😭😭😭

Lando. I love this man and I just want him to finally get a win. But it seems like he takes P2 as some kind of win, knowing that Max is just unbeatable.

Max. His hair.

Also I just need to say how much I love it when Max speaks German. The Dutch accent when speaking German is like the cutest thing ever and I'm really impressed of how confident he is in the language.

And there's my internal Red Bull dilemma. I drink a Red Bull for every Quali and for every race. I don't want Red Bull and Max to keep dominating, but I want Checo in front and Max deserves to win because he is that good. Do I support Checo or the Red Bull domination by drinking too much Red Bull?😭😭😭

Either way, I love Red Bull and I will keep on drinking it lol. Also I might be a RB fan at heart. Still Ferrari all the way, but I came into F1 being a RB fan, because of rallye sport and almost every driver I like there, is driving for RB. And then there's what they did to Alex and Pierre and now Nyck.

It's a love-hate relationship.

Valtteri. I don't think I ever said anything about him here. I love this man! He is such a vibe. Just doing whatever the fuck he wants and slaying every second of his life. He's not at the top of my favorites, but generally speaking, he might be one of the coolest drivers on the grid.

In terms of race positions, I like to see him doing good, but I like to see my favs in front more. Alex > Valtteri, I had to cheer for Alex there.

Zhou. I'm positively neutral about Zhou, I don't know much about him, but from what I've seen so far there's not much to dislike. But here I just wanted to say that I loved seeing him slay Quali. Alfa Romeo in general. It's good to see them in better positions every now and then. The start today was just unfortunate.

Carlos. I was surprised by how Ferrari was treating Carlos today. It seemed like the team was actually listening to him. I hope they sorted themselves out and they keep being nice to my man Carlito😭

But the German commentators kept saying that Carlos Sr. is already looking around for a seat in a different team for his son😭

I love him in Ferrari, but I would totally understand if he wanted to leave. But I also saw something about the possibility of him joining Audi and I gotta say, as much as I love Ferrari Carlos, seeing him in an Audi would be so cool! Might be because Carlos Sr. is driving for Audi, but that doesn't matter. It'd just be cool.

Pierre. I'm starting to find my love for Pierre again. It's not nearly as strong as it used to be (obviously, as he's not first anymore lol) For some reason I didn't really care about him for a few weeks, but it's coming back now. Also bad day for Alpine. Must be devastating, a DNF for both cars and it not even being their fault. I hope they're okay and don't kill Zhou.

Esteban. I'm starting to dig the whole Alpine dynamic. They might not be the best of friends but they make it work and I love that.

And still, I'm obsessed with Este's accent and I keep coming back to the squirrel clip. I just can't with him.

Also he gives me young Jeff Goldblum vibes, idk why, but I love it.

Might be the hair. Or the sunglasses.

Oscar. It's frustrating to watch Oscar almost get on the podium. He deserves a podium, he's an incredible driver and I'm happy that the car is finally good enough for him and Lando.

Yuki. Now that I named 18 drivers, I can just say some things to the last two as well. Yuki is such a cool person. I wish he was higher on my list (the honerable mentions are in no particular order). And like I said before, I'm a little scared of what Danny's performance means for him.

Fernando. I like him a lot. I like his laugh and his accent. He's serious but silly and he treats Lance well. I like to believe that he has no evil master plan and just actually likes Lance lol

Sometimes it seems that Aston is the only team that works together and just like Lance said, it's romantic.

Also Strollonso might actually be my favorite ship currently. They're so unlikely, but they just work and it's cute. Thay might not be a Lestappen or a Carlando, but they have my heart just as much and I need more content.

Wow, I didn't know I had so much to say. And I hadn't realized that I just named most of the grid until I counted them.

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knarme-stray · 3 months ago

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Top surgery vs. being non-OP thoughts...

cw mentions of eroticicity around breasts

Pros of top surgery;

- never wonder again whether to bind or not, whether to have a bra or not

- i know i regognize myself better from my own image when flat and it'd be a kind of a relief

- the chest weight being removed would be good for my back and posture

Cons of it;

- sadly at my size I know I'll have the most trouble with sensation and bcs that area is so erotic to me, this might be a painful loss to me

- being bad at remembering instructions and having executive dysfunction around many things that'd make the recovery difficult to manage properly

- possible complications or errors of the surgery itself i know i'd develop major body image problems about that could possibly be worse for me than anything I get while having tits

- my already bad dysmorphia issues that i know would get bad with even relatively good looking results of the type of surgery my size requires

- costs big money unless had after official "diagnosis" which means it'll be covered fully

Pros of being non-OP

- A lot of the time I feel that the tits are a part of my genderqueer presentation and I genuinely love it when people think they're hot etc.

- Breasts are erotic asf for me to have even though they make my own image less regognizable to myself

- I feel like I'm wearing fake tits 24/7 and it's kinda fun and sexy sometimes but they're real so I don't need to put them on

- buying pretty bras just for extra care and respect of my body

Cons of being non-OP:

- dysphoria about how I look (not so much about the tactility / how it feels) and the unpleasant sensory struggles with binding at this size

- if there's any situation where i should try to pass as cis man (I don't care to pass as cis for purely personal preference) I simply couldn't, yeah, even when binding, so I can not camouflage as a cis man nor a cis woman to random people's eyes, I'm visibly trans in every situation. I personally want to be this way, but I lack the option of conditional "safety" in stealth or closet.

- I don't regognize myself from how I look with breasts in most attires :/

....

Conlusions...

I don't think my breasts look more unfit to how I feel inside than my entire face does.

We're born wearing random generated flesh suits and most people would probably choose being a literal dragon at any given time anyways.

I have never in my life been able to identify with my physical appearance and it goes way further than only sex characteristics. It even goes into how I don't identify with how humans look and would pick being a wolf or a lion over this shit any day. Tbh chimps aren't bad either so I'd literally return to monke and be happier lol.

Like. I'm just someone who can't even relate to my own body. I think having or not having breasts makes very little difference to how I feel about this.

I wear my -real- "fake tits" with a sense or pride and eroticism about them and feel hot about them while I also can't relate to how they look on me. That is fine.

I can't even relate to my own face and have mental breakdowns over the dysmorphia it gives me!!

So, honestly, those tits are allright. 👍

#me thoughts

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junipercastor · 4 months ago

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spoilerss/thoughts about 3 women beloww

i expected 3 women to be more eventful than it was. really what was most intriguing about the movie was the atmosphere the characters inhabited, land like a bland ocean, with the girls as small lonesome drops, still managing to make ripples. the part of california they occupied seemed desolate almost, but its probably changed a lot since the movie was made. i really liked shelley duval's character millie, i think shes pretty lonely and copes through delusion. she kind of rewrites reality for herself as she goes along in life just to cope with it, which sadly alienates her from the general populace who look down on her for telling obvious lies and carrying herself with a false sense of self importance. i think when pinkie loses her memory from the fall and starts adopting more of millie's selfish traits, millie gets to see herself from the outside looking in. she is dismayed, although before she treated pinkie like sidewalk trash. i think that was due to her fanciful thinking though, she had to put others down to boost herself up. when she went to see pinkie in the hospital and was quite worried about her in the coma, that surprised me. honestly i expected her to be a little more callous. millies a decent person, i think, even if shes mean.

the second most interesting thing imo was pinkie's devotion to millie and her admiration for her, remaining steadfast, from their initial meeting to the end of the movie. going from strangers to coworkers to roommates to having a mother and daughter relationship so quickly is a pretty big change but i think the trajectory suits both of their characters. pinkie has always seemed to want the close bond and watchful guidance a mother can provide, and millie can turn her obsession from inwards to outwards and focus her newfound family.

tbh the movie should maybe be called 2 women bc the 3rd women doesnt really have much of an impact until the end but lol whatever

#movies

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coastxlwaters · 4 months ago

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Not 5k words but I gave up, it’s literally just a comfort one shot I can do whatever the frick I want

Please give me tips on how to improve my writing- it kinda sucks, as well as my grammar-

Word count: 2451

Reader insert, QPR Dark sun x Eclipse, Reader gets adopted lol, Nexus is like a brother to both but NEITHER Solstice (dark sun) or eclipse look at eachother as brothers or had in the past, only as enemies, friends, and then to partners. Nexus is barely in there but like, whatever.

Night terrors, mentions of living shadows and creatures in the shadows, mentions of distorted faces, familial cuddles, reader also gets kidnapped lol-

VERY OOC

NOTE: these night terrors are based on some I myself have had, and some my brother has had. He had them much worse and more frequent than me so I might get somethings wrong.

Family with a side of terrors:

You’re lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling. The galaxy light you bought a while back spun gorgeous constellations and planets across the ceiling above you.

As you get up your vision starts to swim, black dots and fuzzy edges were the only things visible. Leaning onto the wall to support yourself as your vision starts to clear. Sadly those are not unusual, you walk towards the door and sigh while opening it. It's been a long day, but you have to clean up. You have been putting it off for to long

Your footsteps are surprisingly steady as you walk down the hall. You turn to your right and pause to look at yourself in the mirror. You look as tired as you feel. Your once bright eyes dull to match the hair that falls loose in front of your face. Your skin, tan yet so pale that you wonder if your vision is failing you again. Your shoulders hang low yet your head hangs lower. Your once proud facade is finally cracking after years of neglect.

You knew this has happened before. Yet this time it seems like it is lasting longer. You try not to dwell on the thought that it may be that you finally broke and are not able to pull yourself back together.

You walk through the living room past the red and yellow animatronic who you have gotten really close to in the past few months. They were staying at your house for the week, you were super embarrassed when they walked in on the mess that you tend to call your kitchen. Yet they didn't seem to mind, they simply patted your head and went to lay on the couch, simply whispering, “Do not worry about that, dear, I do not mind.” In their cool, gentle, voice.

As you got to know them, you know that under that gentle and deep voice is a high pitched one that only comes out when the animatronic laughs. You started connecting the dots and figuring out that he actually trained his voice to be deeper, like an actor might train their voice to deepen to fit certain roles, or a trans man would work to make his voice less lady-like. Both are great examples, but you cannot think of an example for how the higher pitched voice sounded. It is slightly grating on the ears more genuine than the more used voice.

While thinking about the yellow lanky animatronic that now resides on your couch, you didn’t realize you already started cleaning the kitchen. It now looks less like a craft room, and more like an actual place to make clean and healthy food. You continue, moving onto the fridge, the cabinets, and the pantry. While organizing the pantry, you hear a creak from the couch as the animatronic on top of it slowly moves off.

They call your name quietly, “are you alright? It’s about 1 am, you should be asleep.” The wood floors creak in protest when the animatronic starts walking towards you.

“Don’t worry Solstice! I’m fine! I just got some late night motivation!” Your voice is scratchy and quieter than you needed it to be. You force a small chuckle to try to save the animatronic from noticing your appearance.

“You are not alright, I should have done this way sooner, before your parents could get into your head again. But you are coming with me, Eclipse, and Nexus.” The gentleness in the voice didn’t change, yet there was a harsher, more demanding aura to the words.

“Wait-t hold on- wait-t, no-o wh-at?..” You stutter trying to get your words out as the animatronic gently takes hold of you and carries you into a- a- PORTAL?!

God, you must be dreaming. What is happening, your frazzled brain cannot gather the scattered thoughts into one coherent process and you are still trying to figure out what you just went through. The hold around you tightens slightly yet still careful not to harm you or make you uncomfortable.

You round the corner and hear two voices, one sounding even deeper than Solstice’s and one sounding similar yet less scratchy and more… whiny?

“-are NOT getting a damn dog unless you…” The deeper voice trails off, the owner it belongs to has a crown of rays like solstice, intact the look almost identical to solstice if the height difference was not in the equation. Yet their color scheme looks more like a late sunset. Blacks, reds, and deep oranges. All with a rusty but at the same time beautiful sheen to it.

The other, less tall, yet gorgeous animatronic had beautiful purples that made up the outfit and casing. Ranging from magenta to deep almost black indigos. White stars sprinkled down their long nightcap. The other staring at the two entering beings as well.

You suddenly felt very conscious of our matted appearance and how tired and mangy you must look, like a rat. You are confused on how you got here, where you are, and who these animatronics are. Very soon your thoughts start to clear and you remember Solstice telling you about his partner, Eclipse, they are in a queerplatonic relationship. Then you remember him talking about his sibling, Nexus, a gender-fluid who is going through their rebellious phase. Yet Solstice still loves him as his closest friend. Near brother to both. Yet Neither Eclipse nor Solstice see each other in a familial way. Only as queerplatonic partners.

The brilliant purple animatronic speaks up and says your name in a questioning tone, “is that them?” It’s hard to tell by the look on their face yet they seem slightly excited?

Eclipse, who has stayed silent, walks up to you and Solstice, “You look pretty tired, and it was about 2 am in your universe. We should get you to bed.”

You scramble out of Solstice’s arms to your feet and try to protest, “No! No, don’t worry about me! I’m fi- I’m fine! Se-se-see? I can walk and sta- walk and stand normally!”

The darker animatronic looks at you with no clear emotion yet you can tell he didn’t buy what you said. “Well, then you can walk with me to the couch we have as we haven’t had time to get your room set up yet.” The voice clearly showed there was no room for argument.

You resigned to walking behind them, they constantly slowed down and you were forced to walk beside them instead. It was kind of comforting… They were showing that they cared enough not to leave you behind and get lost, or maybe you were looking too deep into it.

As you and them rounded the corner into that was a room that held a couch and TV, with a modest fireplace lit under and behind it. You cannot see where the smoke is going but it is not filling up the room.

You politely sat on a chair that wouldn’t take up too much room on the couch, as you heard that Nexus sleeps on the couch a lot since their bedroom makes them feel trapped. You didn’t want to make the animatronics uncomfortable your first night being a guest here, even if it wasn’t your decision is basic decency to be polite while staying at someone else’s home.

Eclipse sighed at where you decided to sit, yet continued to fetch a bunch of pillows and blankets for you. You tried to refuse some as they still need some but they just shoved the pillows behind your back and the blankets on top of you before you could protest. Though they seemed rough you could tell they had good intentions behind it, as they slipped out and past the door you barely heard them whisper a goodnight.

You started to feel comfortable as the blankets were warm and the pillows comfortable, but the shadows crept up on you. From every direction it felt like something was gonna slip out. You felt an unease travel down your spine and that something was watching you. You knew if you turned around you would see nothing while the horrors in front of you took the chance to emerge. Yet if you didn’t turn around the creature behind you would travel closer and closer.

Your vision swam like what happened not too long ago, but this time you saw distorted faces that flashed in the fire light before vanishing. The world around you became fuzzy and unfocused. You feel someone, or something, grab your ankles. You couldn’t help but shriek and thrash. You felt something run a claw around your throat and you launched yourself in the other direction.

Crashing into the side of the chair which creaked and groaned before tipping onto its side. Throwing you onto the floor with your limbs splayed everywhere as you thrash to get the hands or chains around your ankles to come undone or at least loose-

You wake up. When did you fall asleep?! You feel someone clamping their hands down on your sides to try to keep you still. You shoot up and panic and your face crashes against something metal. Your head HURTS, you almost start crying. EVERYTHING has been going wrong recently, why can’t ANYTHING go well?!

—————————

Nexus is startled when they hear a shriek from the living room, tonight they didn’t use it due to the quest that is staying. They rush in and see you falling on the ground. His scanners show that you are having a night terror.

“Fuck- I can’t-, I can’t do this!” He pings Solstice for them to come help them. Solstice is halfway across the house and will take about 5 minutes to get over here, it doesn’t look like they can go that long without getting hurt though.

Without thinking and seeing an opportunity, they launch over and grab your sides to try to get you to stop moving. You flail for a couple seconds longer until you shoot awake and hit them in the chin. They reel back for a second while still holding onto you. They look over you worriedly as you catch your breath and hold your head.

—————————

Solstice and Eclipse were sprinting down the halls, nearly crashing into each other where the hallways that connect their separate rooms meet. They do not notice however, as they continue to run to the living room where both Nexus and you currently were.

Eclipse nearly crashes into the door with how fast they were running but manages to catch themself on the wall and make little noise except the scratch of metal. Solstice enters quietly yet quickly and crouches down next to Nexus who is now holding you gently in his arms while you try to regain your breath and the world around you.

Eclipse comes in and does the same yet holds your head that was hanging limp on your chest. They do not want your neck to get sore hanging in that position for too long. You were already sore and hurt enough.

—————————

Your breath hitches and your vision swims, but it slowly clears and the whispers you were hearing fade into the background as you were held in what you thought was a blanket. You realize too late that you were in Nexus’s arms and while trying to slip out you end up in Solstice’s instead.

—————————

You are tired from the night terror and frazzled. Your eyes look more clear yet still foggy, Eclipse notes, they gently say your name so as to not startle you and release your head now that it is in a more relaxed position. “Do you need anything?..”

Their hand hovers over your head, wondering if you were okay with being touched. They knew they liked to have their rays pet after having a nightmare or night terror, but they did not know if you liked to have your hair touched. You still looked so out of it and they knew if they found some form of contact that you were okay with it may help.

They decide it’s better to at least try, they gently use their claws to run up and down your scalp in a soothing motion. You breathed a sigh of relief, your eyes closed. They decided that’s a good sign and continued to pet along your scalp and untangle your hair.

Your breathing is still ragged but it seems like you haven’t gotten much sleep lately as you slowly recover and almost immediately fall asleep again. Eclipse chuckles and turns back around to face Nexus who was already on the couch getting all the pillows and blankets set up.

“What are you doing over there?” Eclipse asked the lunar animatronic with tiredness showing all across their features.

“Getting the couch set up for us, dumbass!” Nexus shoots back, “We are not leaving them here alone again, RIGHT??” The tone is skeptical and sarcastic.

Eclipse sighed as they got up and their joints creaked. They continued over to help Nexus set up the couch as the smaller animatronic smirks at him.

“See? That’s what I thought, I CAN take care of SOMETHING!” The lunar model joked.

“Oh my GOD, enough with the damn DOG. WE ALREADY HAVE A CAT.” Despite them joking around, both of the voices were quiet enough to not wake you.

—————————

Solstice quietly gets up and pads over to the couch that is set up. They asked quietly if Nexus and Eclipse were okay with snuggling and both said they were okay with it.

Lying down with you sleeping in their arms, Nexus on their side, and Eclipse squished behind them, was surprisingly nice. They gently covered you in a blanket as you snuggled up against Solstice and Eclipse, who moved over to the side to be more comfortable.

Eclipse gently pet your hair again and you immediately relaxed into the soft, comforting touches. Snuggling more into Eclipse’s side and arms yet Solstice was okay with that.

It was barely a whisper, but they heard you sleepily awake and ask, “Can… Can I call you two my parents?..” Before you are able to say more you yawn and your head falls back onto Eclipse’s side from his gentle untangling of your hair.

“Of course you can call us your parents,” They responded in unison, “you deserve some better ones anyways…” Solstice adds quietly. You were already asleep once they finished but they felt like it was better to add. They watched as you slept making sure you had no more night terrors, yet they knew you would most likely not, they wanted to make sure. I mean, its their job as a parent now!

#tsams comfort one shot #my au #night terrors #distorted faces #living shadows and creatures in the shadows #familial cuddles #tsams dark sun #tsams eclipse #tsams nexus #coastal’s mumbles #ooc #my writing

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