#sa dating apps na lang mag start

[thinkviolets]

Omg, that's why I would never ever date people in this app. I read fictions, yes, but seeing and looking for someone here in this app? Tangina girl, hindi mo alam kung ano makukuha mo. It's pathetic. Go outside, touch some grass. MEET REAL PEOPLE! Wala kayong mahahanap dito, it's either bot or a predator. Naghahanap kayo ng pagmamahal sa maling lugar, sa totoo lang mas okay pang mag-bumble kasi makikita mo pa mga tao doon.

Please, beware. Don't look for love out here, it's too dangerous for all of you my loves. Stay safe and have fun reading.

True sa bot or predator. This is social media at the end of the day. After all not everything is a 'SUCCESS STORY' when you want to find someone. Di lahat matino ika nga. Not everything has to end up in a romantic relationship naman, you can build friendship here but if 'real love' hinahanap mo always for every interaction nako wag na lang ateco. They should just touch grass and breathe fresh air. Maghunos dili sa delusions.

Idk but maybe it's the rose colored glasses and the appeal of finding that 'kind of love' here that some are forgetting caution.

[nyosangpalagingsabog]

To someone I barely know;

I want to start a conversation again. I mean, hindi ko alam kung paano natapos yung pag uusap natin. Siguro dahil sa akin, or baka dahil busy ka masyado, o baka kasi hindi ka rin handa katulad ko.

I met u on Bumble, a dating app. I didn't ask why you swipe right, so until now hindi ko pa rin alam. Pero if you will ask me, I have an answer to it. You're interesting. I want to know you more. But seems like you already set a boundary. Hanggang don lang. That's why I barely know you.

After 2 yrs that I barely know you, I suddenly think of you. Ang weird diba? Out of the blue, bigla kitang naisip. Kumusta ka na kaya? Ok naman kaya sya? Naeenjoy ba nya ang life? Then, that night, I want to have a conversation with you. Gusto kita kumustahin, kaso ewan ko ba. Inuunahan ako ng sarili kong what if. Nawala na yung risky na version of myself kasi sawa na ako mag take risk. Nakakapagod rin.

But then, I still think of it. What if ginawa ko na?Magiging ok kaya ako? Or magiging ok ka kaya?Hanggang ngayon di ko pa rin alam. Jusko 2023 na inuunahan pa rin ako ng sarili kong pagaalinlangan. Anyways, I hope u're fine.

[ngititayokaibigan]

THOUGHTS AND LOVE BLOG IS GONE

Yup, deleted. I can't delete my main blog. This has been my comfort and safe zone since 2009. And this "Ngiti Tayo Kaibigan" blog has been my online best friend. Dito ko malayang nasasabi yung mga emosyon ko. Lahat ng mga anxieties ko. Lahat ng sakit, lungkot, sama ng loob. Pati mga chismis na nasasagap ko nandito din sa blog na 'to. It is with me over the years and it came to my senses na why would I delete something that is truly part of my life. This is where people may know who I truly am. This blog is simply me and deleting this feels like cancelling myself.

What I deleted was a private blog I created for me and my boyfriend. Isang post lang naman ang nandun tapos hirap na hirap pa siyang i-access. Ewan ko kung di niya talaga ma-access o ayaw lang niya talaga. So yeah, no reason for me to keep it.

Lovelife update: taken for granted. Left without any closure. I am now single and not searching. Not searching but hoping that one day God will give me someone who will see my worth, have the same energy and intentions as mine. I will wait for the man I have prayed for since I was 18. I will not settle for less this time. No more bargaining. I will stick to my standards. Changing my mindset real quick. My best friend told me that he thinks I have a scarcity mindset. Maybe? Or should I say mapag pasensya at mapag-intindi lang talaga ako pag nagmamahal kaya nagiging flag pole ng mga red flag na tao. I am indeed not perfect. I have my flaws and mistakes. But despite that, I know my worth.

NO MORE DATING APPS. Nakakatrauma na. If you really search and chase for love, chances are you will get hurt. I learned my lesson the painful way.

I'm excited for next week's Singles Encounter Weekend. First time kong mag carpool with strangers. Hahaha! It's time to unlock my independence. Masyado akong nasasanay na palaging may nakakasama. So this time, I will do it alone. I will and can be happy being alone. Excited na ko makakilala ulit ng mga bagong tao and hopefully I can build friendships there. I will carry myself and be me. I know in my heart that God will always be by my side and I am guided all the time.

Yup, I started this month of June with sadness and a broken heart and I will make sure to end this with a happy heart and soul.

[topchametagency]

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Steps para makasali.

Download the Chamet app in Playstore and sign up using your mobile number

Then pa forward po ng Chamet ID and contact number for activation.

Example CHAMET ID : 5400112 Contact number : 09550456271

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[ziggyevenstar]

hello, just spreading personal chika like wildfire

before anything i want to say pls no judgment hahaha soooo yon i installed this dating app bec i wanted a quick ego boost. i changed my location from ph to italy bec i didn’t want to risk people i actually know seeing me there (i’m shy and i only ever had bad experiences with dating apps). so resultantly, the guys who were showing up “near me” were italian men. meron mga chaka, like anywhere naman meron at meron. but let me tell you— some of them were really good looking. for two seconds i considered to leave this life at mag afam na lang hahaha. so yon i did not hold back, i used yung pinaka “catfish” photos ko at sa awa ng diyos nakakamatch naman ng mga gwapo. omaygod hahahaha yung isang italian super gwapo so siya na lang kinausap ko. ang cute ng english barok barok tapos ginoogoogle translate ko nalang yung ibang in italian na sinasabi niya. tapos after ilang hours nagsasabe siya na gusto niya ng relationship with me and i was like, okay little weird? but if that’s how you flirt,,, sure. could be worse. so tuloy lang ang harmless landi. but after a few minutes he brought up marriage and starting a family with me, he started asking for my socials, and said that we should talk again the next day. ewan dahil ba pinay ako hahaha. so yon i told myself okay na, navalidate nako. i feel pretty na. i got na yung objectification na i needed for the night. di nako nag eenjoy di naman marunong lumandi to. gusto ko lang naman magka love & gelato moment baket pang murder docu binigay saken. dinelete ko na yung app agad agad hahaha. yun lang. pero ang cute niya, cute ng males nila— i want one. pang pet ganon hahahafuckthepatriarchypadinhahahah

[simplifyingjourney]

Dear you! This is for you that might help you also.

I knew that memorizing is always matter and many student are easily get confuse and do not know how to remember properly. I'm also a student, I do not get high grades or being constant at my grades. I hope this will help you a lot to remember everything not just memorizing.

But let me tell you that studying a lesson is not just one day you'll remember everything after you seat and study for 6 hrs or more than that! You'll just get stressed!

1. To understand and to recall

Before you memorize, you need to understand everything and so in that case you can recall! Focus on the topic that you do not understand.

2. Get a retention and test yourself

In order to get retention you need to keep reading it! Always read! And test yourself. Use Quizlet and make flashcards (You are single! No one will help you! For short wala kang jowa! 😂)

3. Voice record

Try this one! It will also help you a lot! You can make a voice record questions and save it on your phone and there you may test yourself and so fort.

4. Choose time wisely!

Morning or evening? You can choose what time you are effectively can memorize more and study! (pero sa panahon ngayon di na uso yon, kasi lagi kang magisa 😂 basa kana lang besh! Wag mo na hintaying replyan ka!)

5. Use Mnemonics

This is so fun! Like you are just playing! (ito na lang paglaruan mo wag puso nya!) for example

He - Heart

Lay - Lung

Down - Diaphragm

Life - Large intestines

Sacrifices - Stomach

Gift - Gall bladder

6. Create matching types for note taking. (baka wala kang jowa dito kana lang mag match wag na sa dating app.) for ex.

Possible reactions of contrast agents

Mild - chills, flushing, etc.

Moderate - hypertension, mild hypotension, etc.

Severe - covulsions, unresponsiveness, etc.

7. Choose the difference (wag ka papaloko.) must know the diff.

For ex.

*which have a threshold levels of radiation dose (stochastic)

*which have definite threshold levels of radiation dose. (deterministic)

Is it Non stochastic/deterministic or Stochastic/probabilistic?

Note: the tip#7 choose the difference, understand them both but choose to memorize the other one so you won't be confused if what is the difference between the two.

Godblessed you I hope it will help you. More prayer, seek God first! Always start your day with the Lord.

[yawningpolarbear]

Long story for my future kid but a long post to Tumblr for now

May nagtanong sakin “Grabe ren! Bakit ikaw pa kasi yung nag eeffort?” Natigilan ako. Ewan. Siguro sa way ng pagkakasabi na para bang maling mali yung ginawa ko. Mali ba ako to exert effort for someone I like? A lot of people say and I would often agree that my strong demeanor and intimidating aura is just a facade. Sobrang hirap ko iapproach lalo na in person kasi feeling ng tao masyado akong mataray. And it’s true. I don’t talk much to people that I barely know. I only have a few friends and I’m not very outgoing. Pero sa totoo lang, madali lang naman ako makasama lalo na kung in sync yung vibes natin. You’re not a dear person to me if di mo naranasan masungitan ko. And if super close na tayo, I’ll always make you laugh. I always joke, tho most of the time corny lol.

So bakit nga ba ako nag eeffort? Well, I guess it all boils down to this. When I like someone, I’m not afraid to show it. So I replied “I’m really interested to get to know him more so I’ll always make time. But if he doesn’t feel the same way, I don’t push it. I would hate wasting both of our times.” Pero masakit yun diba? Lalo na kung naattach ka na talaga. How do you really cut ties with someone who is already dear to you? To someone you already opened your heart to. Ang sagot dyan ‘putangina syempre masakit haha. Kahit gaano ko pa isipin na okay lang, that I’ll find someone else as long as I have me. Masakit pa rin lalo na kung naattach ka na.’ Mapapa asdfghjkl ka sa sakit. If that’s even a thing. Kasi you’ll never find the right words to describe the pain. Kung gaano mo inopen yung sarili mo sa isang tao, ganun din kasakit yung dating nung pain. Minsan mas mahigit pa.

How do we move on? Pano ba mawawala yung sakit? ‘Ewan. Siguro you just let yourself feel things. Sabihin mo na lahat para wala kang pagsisihan. Iiyak mo lang kung naiiyak. At some point, mapapagod ka rin.’ Hindi ba ganun naman yung usual na payo. Totoo naman. Wag mo itago. Hayaan mong maramdaman mo yung sakit. Kapalit yan ng saya na naramdaman mo kasama sya.

Pero kung gusto mo, dapat ipaglaban mo diba? Bat ka susuko agad kung di ka gusto? ‘The mere fact that I put myself out there. I opened up and showed him my vulnerable side. Isn’t that effort enough? Dapat ba durugin ko na yung sarili ko sa harap nya para lang magustuhan nya ko. The best love for me is not ‘not giving up on someone’ but rather ‘not giving up on yourself’. Di mo sya magagawang mahalin ng buo kung ikaw mismo hindi buo. Isa pa, iba’t ibang klase tayo ng pagpapakita ng love. Maybe the kind of love that I can give is not the one that he wants or needs. Darating din yung para satin.’ Asdfghjkl ang daling sabihin noh. Pero sa totoo lang, kahit anong payo mo sa sarili mo. Kung di ka pa ready, di ka pa ready. The healing process takes time. May iba saglit lang. Yung iba, sobrang tagal. Pero never ka makakausad kung di mo tutulungan yung sarili mo.

Oo masakit talaga. Para kang umabot sa mataas na level sa favorite game mo. Tas na uninstall mo yung app, so start over ka ulit. Minsan yung iba uulitin yung laro, yung iba naman hahanap nalang ng ibang games na lalaruin. Tatawanan at dadamayan ka ng mga friends mo. Sasabihin nila ‘I told you so’ or ‘Ang tanga mo kasi, sayang lang effort mo’. But was it really? Sayang ba talaga? Pouring your heart out over someone and getting nothing in return? Never ako nasayangan sa lahat. If I can do it all over again, I would do it. Maybe a different kind of approach. Pero uulitin ko pa rin, if that’s what it takes to be with that person. ‘Cause for once in your life, that person made you happy and made you feel more alive.

I remembered back in high school. I rejected boys who courted me ‘cos I was too focused on my acads and making my parents proud. And kpop already made me happy. But in 4th year high school, napatabi ako sa classmate kong super quiet, di nakikipag usap gaano sa girls and laro lang ang hilig. So mejo madaldal ako na katabi and bothered ako palagi dahil di sya nag aayos sa klase. Lagi ko sya pinapagalitan. I forced him to do schoolworks. Sometimes I can be very bossy. Until one day, we started going to the canteen together. Talk about lots of stuff. I even got into clash of clans because of him. Yun yung usong laro that time. Then we started talking online. That’s when I realized I was starting to like the guy. He was my prom date. He made me smile a lot of times. But we had to go our separate ways when we graduated. I studied in Manila and he stayed in town. We were too young back then. Marami pang pwedeng mangyari saming dalawa. I guess I liked him but not enough to commit. I wanted to focus on my acads. But heck, I still cried. Up until now, we’re not on talking terms. I wanted us to end in good terms pero minsan hindi mo mapipilit yun. Puppy love. That’s what I’ll call it

So in college, I focused on studying or so I say. Hahaha I stayed in a dorm near my school. 8am-6pm class everyday. Grabeng 1st term sched yan. With breaks in between naman, so I can steal a quick nap sa dorm. Minsan nagigising at nakakapasok sa noon class, minsan hindi so gigising nalang para mag dinner haha. I joined pep. So may 6-9pm training everyday. Imagine 8am class until 6pm tas training hanggang 9pm. Sobrang pagod. Then I met someone. He was my senior. Became friends and all that. Then I developed a small crush. Hanggang sa narecruit nya ako sa squad nila. LoL lang nilalaro ko dati with my high school friends. Sobrang butaw pa hahaha. Pero inaya ako ni crush mag dota2 eh, turuan nya daw ako. So sakin, ok lang naman hahaha. Minsan natatanga talaga ako kapag crush. So after training, deretso computer shop para maglaro hanggang 4 or 5am. Grabe until now, di ko alam pano ko nasurvive yun hahaha. The best thing about it all is after maglaro, nap lang saglit minsan wala pa. Pero nakakapasok pa rin ako sa morning class ko. Hayup! Life hack. The only decent sleep I get is my 3hr lunch break (if you can even call it decent). Tas noon class, training, tas laro ulit with crush and newfound friends. I was giddy. Minsan hinahatid pa nila ako sa dorm after laro. Bat ko ba nagustuhan yun? Di ko na rin maalala. I admired him kung paano sya magmahal and loyal dun sa ex nya. Mejo tanga ren haha. Or maybe I was craving for the kind of affection he can give. Napaisip pa ako sana ako nalang nagustuhan nya. Juice ko po. I was 17 and naive. Grabe mga efforts ko para sakanya. Tulog yun. Tulog yung nawala sakin grabe. For someone who loves to sleep and can sleep anywhere (which is highly dangerous dahil ilang beses ka ng lumagpas sa destinasyon mo kakatulog sa PUVs ren), I sure did miss a lot of sleep because of him. Bat naman hindi? Kung gusto mo makasama crush mo diba? Minsan kung hindi naglalaro gabi gabi. Magkatext kami and as a good friend and listener. Papakinggan ko yung mga rants nya sa babaeng gusto nya. I’ll always reply with ‘okay lang yan kuya’. Hahahaha may lahi talaga akong tanga grabe. Pero ang mahalaga, nakamove past ako dun sa stage na yun. From a crush/potential someone, he became a kuya nalang talaga. Maybe it was just Infatuation. That’s what I’ll call it.

That happened because I met someone again. And that one is my ex. He was part of the squad. Sya yung carry namin. Tanginang plot twist yan. Sumali ka sa squad nung crush mo para mapalapit sakanya only to end up with his friend. Grabeng buhay to. Dami surprises hahaha. I was the only girl in the team. Mababait naman sila and I felt secure and comfortable with them. Hinahatid pa nila ako after game kahit madaling araw na at papalabas naman na yung araw. So pano nangyari? Hindi naman kagwapuhan. Actually lahat ng nagustuhan ko, hindi naman pogi to the point na mapapalingon ka. Siguro may itsura ganun haha. Basta importante mabango at malinis tignan at malinis talaga. And has good heart and personality. Not really the one who go for the looks. So from a kuya to a potential lover. How did it happen? Dahil lang sa langyang screwdriver. Di kami gaano nag uusap nun kahit sa personal. Small talk lang ganun. Papawards ganun. Haha charot. So ayun, one day nagchat sya naghahanap ng screwdriver. Lahat pala ng taga taft tinanong nya. So I simply replied with ‘sorry kuya, wala po’. Wow ang galang diba haha. From that small convo, napunta sa di ko na alam haha. I remembered he had a hard time passing his business mathematics subject which was really true. Mejo shunga sya sa math. Scratch that, sobra pala. And aminado naman sya. So I offered to tutor/teach him. Not bragging, but I’m good at math. I won awards back in elem and hs lol. Sobrang nerd ko dati fota. Then one day nagkaaminan kami. From friends we turned into something more. I’m really a very private person. Gusto ko pati sa relationship, private. So we kept things to ourselves. Kasi masyado malaki yung social circle namin given that we belong to the same college org. Less people know, less issue diba? So naging mag SO kami. So I said ‘hala oo, secret on tayo’. Tinawanan nya ako wow. It’s a foreign word for a gh kid pala. Tangina ganun yung term samin nung high school eh. Secret on. So what he meant was ‘significant other’. And there it was, we became each other’s SOs. What did I like about him? He’s certainly not my type. Matangkad lang sya ng onti sakin. Ok fine may biceps. Pero siguro, his greatest asset was his mind. His perspective in life and how he taught me a lot of things. I was 17 and he was 20. He was matured, that’s one. And he taught me how to be mature without spoiling my youth, that’s another. He owned almost 3 years of my life. And I have no regrets. Sobrang dami kong nirisk to be with him. My parents didn’t want me to engage in any romantic relationship while I was still studying. But I defied and kept us a secret. Eventually naging legal sa close college friends namin because I fucking confessed when I was drunk. Oh how I would love to zip this mouth when I drink. *facepalm* First gift I received from him was a very cute courier sa dota 2 hehe. I’m very forgetful so my very first gift? Di ko na maalala hehe. I cleaned his condo. Gave him cake with a little corny joke on the side. Steam wallet codes. I remembered gifting Overwatch for his bday. Electric cooker because he loves to cook. And yes, I moved at the condo in front of his building. When I lost my phone at bts concert, nakikitext ako sa pinsan ko. Grabeng effort yan. Haha lintek. He made sure I feel loved too. But like all things, our relationship has come to an end. Do I have regrets? Wala. We had a beautiful one. And I’ll always treasure it. We were never official yknow. No label. What we had was commitment. Now ask me again, do I have regrets? Maybe meron. The fact that I wasn’t able to introduce him to my parents. But that experience taught me a lot. I became more open to my parents. We officially ended weeks before graduation and while my parents were happy for me on that special day. I was faking a smile and crying inside. That was the last time I saw him. He’s happy with someone now. And I am happy too. Akala ko di ako makakausad pero I did. You just never forget your first but you don’t go back haha. First love. That’s what I’ll call it.

Sobrang broken ko nun akala ko di na ako makakausad. I fucking failed my first civil service exam. March 17. I remember taking it at Marikina High School. Di ko alam pano pumunta dun. At di ko alam pano ako nakarating. I was like a walking zombie. I took the exam lightly and slept. Like who does that on an official government exam? The results came out and I saw the disappointment in my parents’ eyes. Their so-called honor student and daughter failed. Dun ko narealize kung gaano ko tinatapon yung buhay ko para lang sa isang tao. I cried again not for him but for myself. Then I swore to myself that was the last time. So I used this app, bumble. Not to spite my ex but to help myself. I wanted to talk to someone. I remembered una kong bungad ‘pano ba maka move on?’ Hahaha and while I get some funny answers, I was able to get decent ones. May naging friends ako. Like friends talaga, no romance involved. I open it from time to time. When I feel bored or want kausap. I went on a date once. But we never really clicked. Because I believe he was more into the physical stuff and I wasn’t up for it. Then I talked with a lot of people some more. Pero wala talagang constant. Like after the hi’s and hello’s. No one sparked my interest. Maliban of course dun sa mga naging friends ko na nakakausap ko from time to time. I flirted with some only thru chats. But I eventually grew tired of it. Realized I wasn’t up for it and I’d rather be by myself. Sayang sa oras eh. Distraction. That’s what I’ll call it.

Until I met someone again. Hay nako ren hahaha. Met him on this app. At first, it was a small talk. Like all the others. Bored ako eh. And it felt harmless at that time. But we just never run out of topic and I don’t feel bored when I talk to him. In fact, hinahanap ko na sya. Which is bad I know. I laughed at his silliness and admired his wit and determination. Connection. That’s what we had. Or maybe for me. We went on dates. And it was good. But that harmless became not so harmless anymore when I felt something stir within me. Narealize ko na it’s another heartbreak waiting to happen if I continue with it. And I don’t wanna risk getting myself hurt again after I fixed myself. Hindi nakakaganda yung puro iyak. If I’m gonna risk something for someone, I want to know if he’s willing to risk for me too. Mahirap pag puro puso lang. But he chose to walk away. And that’s sign enough. Kung mas pinatagal ko pa yun, siguro baka mas lalo akong nahulog to the point na hindi na ako makakaalis pa. Di ko rin alam pano ko sya nagustuhan. It all sank in when I realized I’m always making time for him. Turned down dates with others and would rather spend time with him. Travelled a long way to go to him. My friend thinks it’s too much. Even I think it’s silly. Pero ganun naman talaga. We do crazy things for the people we like. I knew it was love when he helped me bring out the best in me. For once, I was inspired again. I took the civil service exam for the second time and I passed it. August 4. I took it somewhere in QC. Ganun pala when you’re happy, you bring out happy results too. But I wasn’t enough for him. And maybe he wasn’t enough for me to take the risk alone. Para kaming parallel lines. Never magtatagpo so useless pa na pilitin. Do I have regrets? Siguro. If I can do it all over again, I would do things differently. Then if di talaga, baka hindi talaga para sakin. Napakabullshit lang talaga nung ‘bat ka masasaktan kung never naman naging kayo’ hahahaha. It’s almost 2020. Let people feel things. Nasasaktan ka kasi nagbigay ka. That’s the way of life. Kaya ang sarap nalang talaga minsan maging halaman. Pero that’s the beauty of love and life. Hindi pwede puro saya lang. Hindi rin pwede puro lungkot lang. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam what to call what happened with us. Siguro I, for I don’t know lol hahahahaha tangina ako lang natatawa sa inside joke ko. We decided to remain friends but we both know that’s pure shit. We don’t talk anymore. And sometimes it’s better to stay that way. Minsan mapapatanong ka nalang bakit ka makakatagpo ng taong di naman para sayo. Siguro in time mahahanap mo yung sagot. Or may taong magbibigay sayo ng sagot. Hangga’t di ko alam yung sagot kung bakit nag end or bat hindi kami. I’d rather not settle for the what ifs. Masasaktan ka lang kung lagi mo tatanungin yung sarili mo ng what if haha. Strange love. That’s what I’ll call it.

Sa ngayon, I’m happy by myself. At least I’m trying to be. Happiness is a choice. Always strive for it. See the good in things. And if you found your person, you do something with it. If you really want someone in your life, you put effort. And if he/she doesn’t match your efforts, maybe it’s their answer to your feelings. Every heartbreak I’ve experienced just taught me to be stronger than before. Strong enough to pursue what I really like and who I really love but also strong enough to let go if it’s really not for me. In the future, I’ll tell my kids my heartbreak stories but for now this stays in tumblr. When I find their father, maybe in a diner, in another table at a coffee shop, sitting beside me in the train, while he’s dog walking in the park or even at the bar. Heck, I don’t know. All I know is when I find him, I’ll know he’s the one. And by that time, I’ll know what it is. Bliss. That’s what I’ll call it.

All these efforts that I can give, I’m putting it all to myself for now. I will never stop loving myself. So even if others won’t, I’ll always have me. Kahit gaano ka pa nasaktan, never stop believing in love. Let it counter hate. Di ko alam kung anong future ang nag aantay sakin. But I’m sure I can do something about it. Kasi tayo naman gumagawa ng destiny natin. Don’t just wish. Do it. But don’t push things too hard. You might break it. Let’s leave it to the natural course of the universe. Kung ano yung para sayo, para sayo. Faith. That’s what I’ll call it.

- ren

[heyhydrangea]

Sorry late haha

My fault actually. I think Im starting to fall in love with this guy na hindi na ako mine-message ngayon. Well, nag heads up din naman siya na mag sttart na siya gumamit ng iba pang dating app on January. So, pansamantala lang talaga ako.

Yung pagiging softy ko ay still evident sa akin. Kailangan ko na talaga matagpo ang gym para ma-in love na ako dun ng tuluyan at makalimutan na tong mga nonsense shit.

Ang taray ko nga pala kahapon dun sa front desk ng hotel.

Horny nga pala ako...

Maganda yung Glass Onion na film. Must watch. I recommend it.

[ngititayokaibigan]

10:42 AM MST

Currently waiting for a PIN activation from my office manager.

Hirap ng ganito. Sa Monday pa start date ko pero eto at gising ako na naghihintay tapos hindi paid. Lol! Okay lang. Tiis tiis, magkakatrabaho na din sa wakas.

Ang hirap ng sakripisyong ginawa ko para lang mag work at home. Nag resign ako bilang clinic nurse to cut off my expenses. Sa totoo lang, talong talo kasi ako. Sa gas at parking napupunta mostly ng sahod ko kaya nag desisyon akong mag resign at maghanap na lang ng trabaho online. Akala ko madali pero hindi pala. Masyado kong na-underestimate ang paghahanap ng trabaho na may WFH set-up.

As much as I want to share my journey, next time na lang pag sinipag ako ng husto. Gusto ko pag nagkwento ako yung meron akong ma-iinspire na tao. Ngayon kasi nagpapalipas lang ako ng oras at walang magawa. Hindi ko ma-activate yung app na pinapa install sa’kin ng manager ko kaya kailangan kong maghintay. 

So anong pag-uusapan natin, Tumblr? Ready ka na ba sa random at long post? Haha! May mga topics naman ako in mind na gusto kong i-share so yup. Let’s do this.

PRAYER ROUTINE

I’ve been prayerful ever since naging choir member ako. Yung faith ko eh napagtibay mula pa nung bata ako. Bukod sa pinag aral ako sa Catholic school nung elementary ako, palagi akong sinasama sa simbahan tuwing Linggo. Kaya hanggang ngayon mahalaga sa’kin ang magsimba tuwing Linggo. Hanggat maaari talaga walang palya ang pagsisimba ko. Kahit saang lugar man ako napupunta, basta pag Sunday automatic na kailangan magsimba. Sunday mass is the highest form of prayer. So sa mga kapwa ko Katoliko diyan, make sure to hear mass every Sunday.

My daily prayer routine consists of my personal prayer to God,Prayer to St. Padre Pio and the Holy Rosary. I practice praying the rosary before sleeping. Wala namang pinipiling oras ang pagrorosaryo eh. Basta palagi yun. Madalas na ko nag rorosary ngayon simula nung nag confess ako nung holy week. Tinandaan ko yung sinabi nung pari sa’kin na always talk to Mama Mary because she is a woman too. She understands what I need and what I feel. Kaya ayun. Tamang tama, wala naman na akong nakakausap na nanay ko kaya si Mama Mary na lang.

Nagdadasal ako palagi. Lahat pinagdadasal ko. Lahat ng emosyon - tuwa, galit, lungkot at kung ano ano pa. Yung buong pagka moody ko, pinagdadasal ko. Actually, pinagdadasal ko talaga na sana mabawasan na yung pagiging masungit at mainitin ng ulo ko. Haha! Madali kasi ako ma-stress eh. Dahil sa stress kaya mabilis uminit ang ulo ko na minsan naaapektuhan yung mga tao sa paligid ko. Ayokong may naaapektuhan sa mga pangit kong emotions. Hahaha!

I also put St. Padre Pio’s motto in heart - pray, hope, and don’t worry. Mahirap talaga na hindi mag worry lalo na pag may mga pagsubok kang hinaharap. Pero dahil sa motto na yun, once na pinagdasal ko ang isang bagay, hahayaan ko na si Lord kumilos. Buong puso kong pinagkakatiwala lahat sa Panginoon. Believe it or not, prayer is so powerful. Yung mga galit at tampo na pinagdasal ko, nawala na lang bigla. Hindi naman instant pero nakaka-amaze yung feeling pag aware ka na si Lord ang gumawa ng paraan para mawala yung burden sa puso mo.

PRAYER CONTENTS

Ano nga ba ang mga pinagdadasal ko? Hahaha! Secret! Ayoko muna mag prayer reveal. I don’t want to share the specifics. One thing is for sure, I’m not just praying for myself but for my loved ones as well. Minsan nga kahit hindi ko kakilala nagagawa kong ipagdasal eh. At yung mga nakikita kong nakakagawa ng kasalanan nagagawa kong ihingi ng tawad sa Diyos. Lalo na yung trending ngayon na drag queen. Nasaktan at nalungkot ako nung napanuod ko yung video. Nabastusan ako talaga. Kaya sinama ko sa dasal ko yung taong yun. Nasabi ko sa isip ko na “Lord, hindi niya alam ang ginagawa niya. Kayo na po ang bahala sa kaniya”. Nakaka kilabot kasi talaga. (Parang gusto ko gumawa ng separate post about this).

11:11 AM EST

End post.

[serranocloyd]

Name:Serrano,Cloyd A.

Section: 12-Obsidian

                          Buhay pandemya

Nung ito dumating na dalawang taon naging mahirap ang ating sitwasyon. pero bilang isang kabataan nandito ako upang ilahad ang aking naranasan nitong dumating na pandemya. Gaging mahirap para sa akin at sa ibang mag aaral. Pero naging mas mahirap para sa aking mga magulang dahil huminto ang kanilang trabaho dahil sa look down. mabalik tayo ano nga ba ang naging epekto ng pandemiya sa aking at saking pag aaral. Dapat ay isa na akong college student second year or first siguro nasa gitna. Dahil huminto ang aking pag aaral medyo nahihirapan ako maka sabay ulet sa karamihan siguro naman lahat tayo nahirapan. Laluna nung sinabi na online na muna lahat. Nahirapan ako lalo na dahil wala akong computer at dahil hindi ako magaling sa computer. Dahil hindi ako magaling sa computer at wala akong alam dito. una kung naging problema  ay wala computer at neend na namin bumili kasi nag start na yung class noon lalo na nag mahal ang computer non grade as in sobra yung dating 25 to 27 naging 30 to 35 thousand na. Pero ano magagawa naming kailangan ehh napilitan tuloy sila mama at papa bumili at hindi pa nag tatapos ang problema. Hindi ko rin pala alam kung paano gumamit ng computer kaya kinalikot ko nalang lahat hangang ma kabisa ko. Hanggang ngayon naman hindi ko pa rin alam kung paano gamitin ang ibang app or setting sa computer.

Pero nung magio na laman laman ko na naging madali at mahirap ang paaralan ko. Una kaya na sabi ko na naging madali. Dahil sasabihin ko na lahat naman tayo gumamit neto. Google yes nag googoogle ako ng sagot pero hindi naman lahat hindi naman kasi lahat nalabas sa google minsan yung iba wala pang kuwenta at yung ibe fake news pa. Pero sa totoo lang marami pa kong natutunan nung nag googoogle ako kasi nakikinig ako sa school kase pag search ko sagot na agad at may explanation pa. Pero hindi lahat ng search ko ay maayos yung iba troll or fake news lang. Pero lagi ko nalang binabasa para maintindihan ko so in a sense malaki ang tulong ng internet satin kase halos lahat ng tanong mo may sagot. Hindi na tanong ng tanong sa teacher at isa pa dahil sa computer mas madali lang mag meet ang teacher and student dahil may google meet isang click mo lang ayan na nasa meet kana hindi tulad dati dadaan ka pa sa traffic,usok at kung ano ano upang makapasok lang pag pasok mo pa late ka. Dahil nga sa traffic eh nung online open computer tapos pasok google meet. Tapos na kahit hindi ka na maligo ok lang kahit kakagising mo lang diba sobrang dali kaso hindi lahat madali sa online it's not all about clouds and rainbows there also hardship in life.

Isa sa pinaka mahirap sa online world ay sobra as in sobrang daming activity and assignment. as in literary sobrang dami need mo pa gawin ito dahil makikita at makikita ng teacher mo kung hindi mo gagawin. gaya nga ng sinabi ko kanina hindi lahat kaya i google kaya mahirap talaga asin sa dati kung school almost every day may activity lahat ng subject kaya talagang puyat puyat ako. Search bar ng google ko sobrang rame na hindi ko na nga makita yung una kong search. At

ang isa pang downfall ng online world is pag walang internet wala talaga at minsan mabagal internet tapos nasa google meet ako talagang nakakainis. Tapos mapipilitan ka mag data kase nga walang internet at dahil mabagal internet hindi mo alam kung ano ang gagawin dahil mabagal nga internet.

Pero ok lang kailangan ko malampasan para sa aking kinabukasan at para hindi masayang pinaghirapan ng aking magulang speaking of magulang dun naman tayo sa pinagdaanan ng mga magulang natin hindi komam alam kung ano ang tunay nilang pinagdaanan pero napapansin ko kung gaano kahirap buhay non pero sempre bata pako kaya wala akong magawa kung hindi ipapasa diyos na lang ang lahat ng nangyayari kaya ginagawa ko lahat ng aking makakaya upang maibalik ang paghihirap ng aking  mga magulang sana lahat rin tayo gawin ang lahat upang maibalik ang paghihirap ng ating magulang kase halos lahat naman tayo ayaw na nakikita ang magulang na nahihirapan. Lalo na kung ang andamidaminilang problema dumagdag pa tayo kaya para sa lahat ng magulang sa ludo po ako sa inyong lahat dahil natiis niyo lahat ng paghihirap at pagsubok para samin at para maging maayos ang aming buhay at may makain ng tatlong beses sa isang araw at para magkaroon kami ng bubong sa aming ulo kaya saludo po ako hindi lang sa mga magulang pati sa estudyante,guro,pulis,nurse,doctor at iba pa proud po ako dahil kinaya natin ang pandemya na ito salamat po.

[paraheart]

and there i was...left behind again

Hi.

This is me with a heavy heart.

I just came out from a whirlwind romance, i guess? No label/Talking stage kumbaga. We met on a dating app and eventually we exchanged socials days after kasi nahuli ako ng kawork ko na nagde-dating app bcos biglang nag notif while i was showing to her my phone (haha) it was a funny accident, really. He and I started talking comfortable with each other bcos the way he carried the conversation was smooth and i really got hooked talking to him. Even before kasi sa tinder, he's really a 100% humored guy kaya madali nyang nakuha attention ko. I dunno basta sobrang komportable ko sa kanya and umabot kami sa point na parang magjowa na ang peg namin. He would update me if nasa office na sya, kakain na sya even sa haircut niya. The clothes he would wear on events and to be honest it really hit me and during those time, i started to lookf forwad kung san papunt ayung pag-uusap namin. Umabot sa point na gusto nya makilala parents ko kasi ganon daw pag nanliligaw (sobrang surreal ng pakiramdam ko that time kasi never ko sya na feel since NBSB ako). Plus, he’s a dog lover kaya medyo plus points din sakin, palagi sya nag sesend ng picture ng dogs nya and same with me. He’s realy attached ro two of our dogs. Tuloy-tuloy lang usapan namin, update everyday pero there's this unusual feeling pa rin sakin na "wag ma-attached" kasi can't really give my full trust to anyone (which is tama pala talaga instinct ko *spolier alert*) I think he’s kinda too fast din at the moment kasi sobrang casual nya pag usapan ang kasal, palagi nya sinasabi na “PAPAKASALAN PA KITA”, “AALAGAAN PA KITA” and kagaya nga ng sinabi ko kahit papano may impact din sakin yun kahit alam ko din naman na di ko sure ang mga susunod na mangyayari. 

Days turned to weeks of talking and he finally decided to ask me out, dinaanan nya sa NBA pustahan. Sa una, inaasar ko lang sya na matatalo ang GSW kasi yun yung team nya, and bigla nya sinabi kapag nanalo daw GSW sa Game-2 lalabas daw kami. I ignored that idea of him and nilihis ko yung usapan hanggang umabot kami sa mga series and nabanggit ko na mahilig akong manood ng kdrama series and turns out pala na di sya mahilig manood nun, dun ko na naisip na patulan yung pustahan hehe. “Ganto na lang, kapag natalo Celtics, manonood ka ng Kdrama series (Reply 1988 fave kdrama koo) and kapag nanalo GSW, tuloy yung labas natin” that was my message to him. I can feel his excitement in his reply. 

**GOSHHHH I THINK ANDAMI PANG NANGYARI SAMIN PERO SOBRANG HAHABA PA TO** 

Saturday night, he messaged me “May Team Building pala kami sa sunday, biglaan. Pwede bang umaga na lang tayo lumabas” Nag isip pa ako that time kasi di ko rin feel lumabas ng sunday morning pero eventually naman pumayag ako. Ang usapan namin is 9AM aattend kami ng mass, pero 8:56am paalis palang sya ng bahay nila. I was so mad at him kasi di man lang mag pa impress at all, di man lang nag effort pumunta ng maaga sa simbahan. Nung nakita ko yung message nya na on the way palang @8:56AM, di ko na sya ni-replyan, I ignored his message and attended the mass with a heavy heart kasi inis ako. When the mass had ended, Agad akong lumabas to cool down and didn’t bother to look at my phone pero nakita nya na pala ako kaya nasundan nya ako. I tried ko calm myself pero nag burst out din ako “SINABI KO, 9AM ANG MASS. PINAPAINIT MO ULO KO” there it goes, my anger issue hehe pero sinuyo nya pa rin ako. Super plot twist pa kasi nakita namin tita nya. He introduced me to her tita and ako naman si kalma kasi di pa ako nakaka recover sa inis nya sa pagiging late. “Nagsimba kayo? Very goood!” said his tita. Kumain kami sa fasfood. At first, awkward pa kami? or ako lang kasi may galit pa nga sa puso ko! CHARRRR. He’s the same guy na nakaka usap ko, ma kwento and kayang dalhin ang usapan. After kumain, hinatid nya ako sa mall kasi pupunta pa syang team building nila. He messaged me na paalis na sya ng bahay, even update me pagkadating nya sa place. He barely messaged  me that day and naiintindihan ko kasi nasa team building naman. Nag update sya na naka uwi na sya, talked for a while even send him pics of may dog kasi pareho kami dog lover. Last message that day was masakit ulo nya kasi lasing and I said, sige na matulog ka na. 

Next day, I witnessed a cold reply “ANG SAKIT NG ULO KO” no good morning at all. It’s very unusual of him to not say “GOOD MORNING” and ako medyo nag overthink ako kasi inisip ko siguro dahil sa naging behavior ko nung sunday kaya ganto mga replies nya. Monday the whole day, we barely talked na and  minimal replies from him. Pero we talked about how he got drunk last sunday and he said “SOBRANG STRONG KO DESERVE KO PA YATA ANG MALASING ULIT” di na ako naka tiis and asked him, “PARANG PROBLEMADO KA YATA” and he said “OO NA PARANG HINDI, HINDI KO MAITINDIHAN. NAGUGULUHAN AKO” i was literally shaking that time kasi parang alam ko na kug saan papunta to pero i replied calmy and “WHY IZZ, ANO YAN” but he never replied that night. The next day, he messaged me “KWENTO KO SAYO MAMAYA, TUNGKOL SA EX KO NAGUGULUHAN AKO. NAGKAKA MIXED EMOTION AKO”. I was taken aback by his message but i chose to ignored the message and replied that night also. I said “Hey, hey! Anong chismis yan?” I think I’m trying to be cool but deep inside my mind, i know where this is going and i know that this is going to be chaotic. He just replied “Nasa inuman ako, bukas na lang, about kay ex ko” and i said “Okay, bukas na lang”. The next morning, “Nagkita kami ni ex nung baccalaureate mass (friday), dito kasi nag-aaral kapatid nya, niyaya ako ng mama nya sumama sa kanila kumain. And sa tingin ko kailangan ko tong sabihin kasi ayoko magpa-asa” ------- “Ayoko lang ng conflict. Sorry, gesalu” and for the second time, i was taken aback again. I just said “Ohhh okii. I see. Thank you sa pagiging honest” but deep inside again, I wanted to say A LOT OF THINGS to him, I aso asked him “Bakit hindi mo sinabi sakin nung saturday pa?” and he just said akala ko kasi friendly chat lang di ko na rin napigilan sarili ko, sinabi ko sa kanya. I aldo asked him if in any way ba may connection to dun sa naging behavior ko nung nagkita kami and sabi nya wala daw kasi gusto nya naman talaga alo ma meet. “Come to think of it, never ko pala tinanong sayo kung naka move on ka na sa ex mo” but his replies doesn’t satisfy me kasi too short and i don’t feel his sincerity with his message. 

“Sorry, Gesalu” 

“Sabi mo nga, “It is what it is”. Anyway, Thank you sa time and effort” 

“Sorry and Thank you din”--those were his last words. Didn’t even bother to look and reply at his message. 

I wanted to say more.

I wanted to burst out of my core.

But to consume energy to the person who brings back all your fear is a waste of time. Instead, i just asked myself, how can someone says they like you but easily change their mind in a minute.

Maybe their fellings weren't genuine at all ~

To say i'm "TRAUMATIZED" is an understatement.

P.S

But, hey! It's all part of a bigger journey ahead of you! Keep on moving forward and left all your burden on your past and never dwell on it

[curtlincolnxxx]

TITLE: “WALKER”

Nag start ang lahat sa mga social app. Kagaya ng SkOut,Grindr,PR o FB.

Gipit kasi ako nung time na yun. Ay sus! Kung alam mo lang Brad(Brother) ang kahirapan sa buhay eh makakarelate ka sa’kin.

Kaya naisipan kong ipagkalulo ang pinakamasarap kong putahe (katawan) sa mga baklang hayok sa SEX! Hahahahaha!!

At dahil sa tulong ng technology ayun at nagkaroon ako ng mga Prospect(Client/Parokyano)thru Social app.

Lahat ng transactions ng bawat Prospect(Client) sa kagaya naming PSP(prostitute) ay phone to phone patch lang.

Sa app kagaya ng skOut ay doon ako nakakakuha ng mga Prospect(Client) na makaka One nightstand para sa Pagkakaperahan.

Depende sa’kin as PSP kung magkano ang ibabayad sa’kin. Kung sa mga 5star hotel kami magpe play like Solaire,Marriot,Maxims(Resortsworld),City of Dreams etc.. Eh tataasan ko na presyo ko.

Pero pag pang motel lang o sogo mga ganun ay presyong pang masa naman.

Ipapaliwanag ko pala na kapag PSP ka ay may Sex Rate Promo(SRP) ang bawat gagawing mong laro kagaya kunwari

SRP:

BJ=PHPxxx.xx

Kiss=PHPxxx.xx

GiveFuck=PHPxxxx.xx

Get Fucked=PHPxxxx.xx

Mouth Fuck=PHPxxxx.xx

CumShot=PHPxxx.xx

etc…

Kunwari ganyan ikaw mag rate ng performance mo.

Pero hindi pa natatapos ang mga ganitong gawain dahil may mga Do’s and Don’t

Yung mga Do’s eh kung ano ano lang ang pwede nyong gawin sa isa’t isa. Tapos dapat hotel service lang wag sa bahay ng prospect to be safe and secured your life.

Yung mga Dont’s ay

No using protection(e.g.Condom,Lube etc.)

Using of Sex toys

Taking of photos and Videos

Prospect’s House for Play sex.

Talkshit

Bogus

At ang pinaka importante na motto ng Pa Walk ay “Money down first before play”

Dahil “No Pay No Sex”

Share ko sa inyo yung naging experience ko sa pagiging Walk.

First costumer ko nakilala ko sa sKout app.

Bale nagustuhan niya yung katawan ko dahil topless ako sa photos na in upload ko.

Then nag start ang convo namin sa nasabing app.

Nagpadala siya ng message na kung pwede daw akong i fuck.

Hindi ako pumayag kasi Bisexual Top ako.

Kaya ang nangyari ay siya ang Versa Bottom sa Play Sex namin.

Mababa lang presyo ko sa kanya kasi Astrotel lang kami kaya pumayag na ako sa PHP3,000 para i BJ at kantutin ang prospects ko.

Nagpalitan kami ng contact number kayo Call to call for fastest transactions ang naganap.

Naka check in na siya sa nasabing hotel kaya binigay na lang sakin ang Room number niya at nireserved ako for Guess.

Then nung nasa pinto na ako ng nasabing Room ay kumatok ako ng tatlong beses.

Pag bukas niya. Nakiya kong nakatapis na lang siya ng tuwalya at mukhang kalalabas lang ng banyo dahil bagong paligo ito.

Aminado ako sa sarili ko na ang gwapo naman talaga ng Prospect ko kahit 36yo. na siya at DadBod ay ang hot ng dating niya sa’kin.

Kaso pera ang pinunta ko dun at hindi kalandian for fun lang kaya isinantabi ko muna ang kalandian at nagpaka professional muna sa gawain hahahahaha!!!

“Money Down First” sambit ko sa kanya na agad iniabot sa’kin ang pera sabay nilagay ko sa wallet ko.

Sabay sabi niya na “Ligo ka muna at pawisan ka pa eh”

Kaya nagtungo ako sa banyo para maligo,nagpabango,nagpasarap,nagpagwapo.

Nung lumabas na ako ng banyo ay naka tapis lang din ako ng tuwalya.

Umupo sa tabi ng kama ni Prospect at nanood sa pinapanood niyan Porn movie sa TV ng nasabing hotel.

Medyo tumigas na rin sa galit yung Junjun ko kaya tumayo ito sa tuwalya na tabing ko.

Agad itong nakita ni Prospect at dinakma niya ito. Kasabay sa pagkuha niya ng kamay ko at pinahawak niya rin ang titi niya sa akin.

Shit! Kahit malaki ang titi ko sa kanya eh mas nalibugan ako sa kanya. Ang gwapo niya kasi tapos first costumer ko siya kaya medyo kabado ako sa mga ginagawa ko baka hindi niya magustuhan.

Tinanggal ng Prospect ko ang tuwalya na aking takip sa kargada ko.

Nung itinanggal niya ang tuwalya sa akin ay dinakma niya ang galit na galit na nagpuputang ina sa mura na tarugo ko.

Agad niyang dinilaan ang ulo ng aking kargada bago niya isubo ang bahagyang haba ng tarugo ko.

Sarap sa pakiramdam na nilalaruan ng dila ang titi mo.

Grabe ang init sa loob ng bibig nya tapos napakadulas tang ina!

Ramdam ko eh.. Ang libog namin dalawa nun.

Pero hindi ko na rin natiis kaya nasubo ko yung titi niya kahit wala ito sa usapan.

“Tang ina ka fucked! Sarapppp..”

Patuloy ang pagmumura niya na iyon sa ginagawa ko sa titi niya.

Ngunit pinahinto nya ako dahil gusto nya mag 69 kami.

Sa kamusmosan ko sa sex ay doon ko rin nalaman kung ano ang 69.

Ang sarap pala pag sabay nyo bino Blow Job ang isat isa na magkabilaan.

Sabay nun ay binuksan nya ang lalagyanan ng condom at inilagày niya ito sa bibig nya upang ipasok sa kargada ko.. Ahhhhmmm…mmm

Sabay ipinahid niya ang lubricant sa kargada kong may condom bago niya ito inupuan.

Sa una nakaka inis kasi hindi mapasok pasok yung titi ko na halos mabaluktot na..

Pero sabi nga ng iba eh.. Kung gusto may paraan kaya pinilit niya makapasok ang kargada ko sa masikip na butas niyang puwet.

Nung pumasok na ang buong haba at taba ng tarugo ko ay agad siya sumigaw na “Aray!Shit ka!” Sabay sinampal ako ng napakalakas sa mukha at pagkatapos ay niyakap niya ako at hinalikan habang nakapasok ang tarugo ko sa puwet niya.

Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya dahil mukhang mawawala yung libog ko sa shock na pagkakasampal sa mukha ko.

Pero niyakap niya ako bigla na umiiyak kaya naawa ako na gusto kong tanggalin yung pagkakabaon ng titi ko sa puwet niya pero umiling siya na huwag kong huhugutin sa pagkakapasok..

Ang tagal nya inupuan ang titi ko na halos 20mins.

Kaya sabi ko..

“Hindi tayo matatapos nito kung di ako gagalaw”

Kaya mula sa pagkakaupo ay inihiga ko siya sabay bunot sa kargada ko.

“Ahhh…” Sambit niya mula sa pagkakahugot ko ng titi ko.

Itinaas ko ang dalawa niyang paa at binuka ko ang magkabilang hita niya sabay pinasok ko ang titi ko kasi gusto ko na magpalabas kaya kinantot ko na siya.

“Bilisan mo ang sakit tang ina ka!”

Sigaw ñiya sakin habang kinakantot ko siya.

Mukhang dama ko yung sakit na nararanasan niya.

Kaya binilisan ko ang pag bayo..

Binulungan ko siya na malapit na ko���

Sabi niya na putok ko sa mukha niya.

Habang pabilis ng pabilis ang kadyot ko sa puwet niya ay nagjajakol na rin siya kaya agad akong nag init sa kanya kaya ginigilingan ko siya sa pag kantot na agad niya ikinabaliw ang aking ginawa.

Nung malapit na akong labasan ay hinugot ko agad ang kargada ko mula sa pagkakabaon sa puwet niya at madaliang tanggal ng proteksiyon(condom) at agarang mabilisang salsal na halos nagfountain ang modtraxx ko sa pagmumukha niya na napaka lapot na masago at napakarami.

Hindi ko na rin namalayan na nilabasan na nilabasan na rin pala siya..

Nung natapos na kami ay agad kami nagtungo sa CR at sabay kaming naligo.

Nung nag ayos at nagbihis na kami ay kanya kanya kaming paalam sa isat isa. At naulit pa ito dahil naging suki ko na ito sa putaheng handa ko.

Pero hindi lahat ng prospect ay kagaya niya. May iba na napaka sadista sa sex,may iba naman na hindi ka sisiputin sa meet up nyo, may iba na trashtalk, at napakarami parin drawing hehehehe.. Kaya dapat be practical sa buhay.

Dapat alam mo ang bagay na pinasok mo at magiging kinahihinatnan sa buhay mo.

Pero kailangan parin natin mag ingat sa lahat ng bagay.

Ay oo nga pala brad ako pala si Red. 24yo. Taga Las Piñas ako isa akong Walker. Mga Pa Walk kumbaga.

Bagong term ng Pokpok yan pinasosyal lang para pang Class hahahaha!!

Kung gusto mong makaranas ng mga kakaibang init sa kapwa mo tawagan mo lang ako. Hahahahahaha!! Joke.

-End-

Ang mga nasambit na Pangalan,Character at pangyayari ay pawang kathang isip lamang ng may akda. Kung ito ay nangyari sa totoong buhay ay hindi sinasadya ng lumikha nito ang mga hindi magagandang pangyayari nito.

[drwlog]

I’m not ok

I’ve been feeling down lately and feeling ko I might be depressed. Naaasar ako sa sarili ko kasi hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko, hindi ko alam kung nasa isip ko lang ba na depressed ako or there’s really something wrong with me. I recently told my parents about it pati sa mga friends ko, nung una ayoko talaga sabihin kasi iniisip ko na baka isipin or sabihin lang nila na ang arte ko naman or baka drama lang yan. Until I realized na hindi pala normal na naiisip mong mamatay nalang. Noon tuwing lalabas ako, pag tatawin ako sa kalsada iniisip ko na sana masagasaan ako ng sasakyan or pag nasa mataas na lugar ako iniisip ko na what if mahulog ako tapos mamatay. Hanggang sa nagka thoughts ako about killing myself, jumping off a high building, hanging myself, hurting myself, overdosing. Nung una naiisip ko lang pero alam ko naman na hindi ko kaya gawin. Pero it’s still scary na naiisip ko yung ganong bagay.

Last year sinabi ko kila mama na baka depressed ako and i need a doctor, pinakausap nila ako ka tita danna. And that time i just wanted to die or just disappear sa mundo. Kasi feeling ko wala akong kwentang tao, na wala akong kwentang anak and that my family secretly hates me. After ilang months naman those intense feeling sort of faded. I was genuinely happy most days and dun ako naging sikat sa tiktok. Pero i think that those feelings really never left me, may mga days padin na feeling ko wala akong kwenta and feeling ko wala akong mararating sa buhay. Siguro tinago ko nalang yun kasi ayoko madisappoint magulang ko sakin na bakit ako nag kakaganto. So i just kept it to myself. I didn’t tell my parents kasi i know their answers were just going to be “mag dasal ka” which never works. Prayers wont help me.

Pero ayon nga this January lang, those intense feelings started to come back. And just got worse. Ilang beses ko naiisip na mamatay nalang and sometimes gusto ko nalang na wag magising. I fr prayed na sana hindi na ako magising bukas. Sobrang naiistress ako sa school pati sa ibang bagay na kayang kaya ko naman gawin pero hindi ko magawa for some reason. I felt worthless and pabigat sa bahay, iniisip ko bakit yung ibang 18 year old successful at masaya sa buhay. I felt like wala akong mararating sa buhay ko na hanggang dito nalang ako.

Naiinsecure din ako sa sarili ko, sa katawan ko, sa mukha ko, sa ngipin ko. At iniisip ko na hindi ko maeexperience yung mga cliché love stories kemi. That no one will really love me for who i am. And it sucks kasi sometimes i think that i would be easier if i was straight. I wouldn’t think na disappointment ako sa pamilya ko. Minsan sa bahay iniisip ko na secretly ayaw sakin nila papa kasi bakla ako. Ayaw nila na feminine ako, na nag bibihis babae ako.

So ayon nga, these past weeks I’ve done some stupid shit like taking different medicines kahit wla maman akong sakit para marelax ako ganon. Tapos nag iinom ako nag try ng mga dating apps. Anything para mawala yung nararamdaman ko. Hanggang sa hindi na ako nakakahinga ng maayos. Wala na akong proper sleep at kain. Most days wala ako sa mood like ayoko talaga kumilos or gumalaw, gusto ko lang magkulong sa kwarto ko. Hindi na ako nakakapasok sa online classes ko.

naiirita ako sa sarili ko kasi iniisip ko na puro drama lang ako na napaka tamad ko at lahat lang to nasa isip ko. Maybe im just convincing myself na depressed ako.

[gemsibells-blog]

A LETTER FOR MY GIRLFRIEND

Hi bb. It's me. Hehe. Di ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan to, but hear me out. Mag uumpisa ako sa unang umaga, because I want you to remember how we started.

Tahimik akong hindi nakikinig sa klase ko, kasi ayokong makinig, kasi boring, then may biglang nag notif sa akin na you liked me back sa dating app. So I got curious, so chinat kita agad, and suddenly bigla kang nagreply. Nag "hi" lang ako, "Hi bb" na ang sagot mo. Harot yarn. Then hanggang sa nagtuloy na ang usapan hanggang gabi.

That night, lagi na akong nakabantay sa phone ko, actually di na ako nakipaglaro ng COD nun eh, mas gusto kasi kitang kilalanin and kausapin, kasi ang saya mong kausap. Hanggang sa bigla kang nawala kasi nga busy ka na din. So hinayaan ko na lang, since wala naman akong right para sitahin ka or what. So okay sabi ko. Pero habang inaantay kita, gumagawa ako ng playlist for you, mostly opm kasi mahilig ka din sa opm like me. Tapos sinend ko sayo yung link before ako matulog, but I guess di mo napakinggan kasi wala ka palang Spotify pero okay lang.

Pagkagising ko ng umaga, text mo ang hinanap ko, but sad to say, wala akong nareceived from you, naisip ko "Baka nabored na to sa akin" and "Baka naweirduhan" pero kahit ganun, nag good morning pa din ako. Then after 1 hr I guess nagreply ka and you said, nagluto ka ng talong, kasi nagugutom ka. Then that time din is naka sched ako na magpa swab kasi nga pupunta ako ng Tarlac, then nung sinabi ko sayo yun, kinilig ako sa sinabi mo "Please text me kapag andun ka na and nakauwi ka na, para di naman ako mag worry" honestly, kinilig ako nun. Napasmile ako. So habang nag bbyahe pa ako papunta, inuupdate kita. Feeling ko kailangan kitang itext. Lakas maka jowa nuh. Hahaha

Then kinagabihan, I went out to eat dinner with my friends, tapos bigla akong nawalan ng signal. Hahaha. Kaya di ako makareply sayo hanggang sa makarating ako sa bahay, I can still remember yung sinabi mo, you asked me if busy ba ako and you said "Linggo ngayon, I doubt na may tao" so you're waiting for my reply. Pero ngayon... ewan ko na. Hahaha. Iloveyou bb. Then kinagabihan nun may nangyari sayo na hindi inaasahan dahil sa bastos na lalaki, and I hate that, I swear nag init ang batok ko sa sobrang inis. And dahil dun parang nawalan ka ng interest sa akin. Kasi bago mangayri yun, ang active active mo sa akin. Talagang nag rereply ka ng mabilis. Tapos nung nasa Tarlac ako ang hirap mong hagilapin. Actually nawalan na ako ng pag-asa nun eh. 😅 Pero buti na lang nakakapit ako.

Then hanggang sa makauwi ako tuloy tuloy oa din convo natin kahit di ka na ganun kabilis nag reply sa akin or ka energetic. It's okay. Siguro nasanay na din ako nung mga ilang araw na nasa Tarlac ako.

Di ko talaga makakalimutan nung una kitang nakita, pagbaba mo pa lang sa sasakyan, naiilang ako dahil yung babaeng gusto kong makasama is nasa harap ko na and anytime pwede ko ng yakapin. Pero syempre kalma lang ako. Binigyan mo pa ako ng flowers which is first time ko. (Tamang kilig lang sa gedli)

Hanggang sa nakauwi tayo ng bahay. Kwentuhan and all. Nakatulog ka pa nga nung bumili ako ng toothbrush mo. Nung tinanong kita if gusto mo munang matulog sabi mo "Hindi ako makakatulog." Pagbalik ko tulog ka na. Haha. So cutiee. Nung nagising ka na, napansin mo na malayo ako sayo, syempre ayokong maistorbo tulog mo, tapos ayun lunapit ako sayo and you hugged me. Super kilig na naman ako nun bakla ka talaga. Hahaha.

Sobrang kaba ko nung una kong hinawakan yung kamay mo. Kasi baka bigla kang mailang, pero hindi ang higpit ng kapit mo. Instead na ako ang proprotekta sayo, mas ramdam ko na prinoprotektahan mo ako. Kung pwede ko lang hindi alisin ang kamay ko sa kamay mo, hindi ko aalisin. First date natin sa Clean Beach, may mga lalaking bumastos sayo, gusto kong awayin, pero alam ko na ayaw mo ng gulo, kaya kumalma na lang ako. Pero di mo ba alam nung dumaan ako sa sakanila minura ko sila. Tangina nila eh.

Habang naglalakad tayo sa dagat noon, ang payapa ng pakiramdam ko, but at the same time. Kinakabahan ako, grabeee. Ibang kaba ang pinadama mo sa akin. Hahaha. Kinakabahan ako, kasi di ko alam kung paano ko ibibigay yung necklace. Sorry ah. Awkward ko nun. First time ko kasing mag abot ng ganun kaya wala akong idea. 😅 kaso sayang kinuha nung mga holdaper na yan.

September 20, 2021, grabe na naman yung kaba ko nung gabi nun. Ang lalim ng paghinga ko. As in. Alam mo yung gusto kong magsalita pero walang lumalabas. Kaya instead na makapagsalita ako, bigla na lang akong napasigaw ng di oras. Nagulat ka pa nun eh. 😅 sowwy poooo. Pero worth it naman, kasi nairaos ko naman at naging maganda yung resulta. Sobrang saya ko ng gabing yun. Hindi lang halata pero nagdidiwag ako. Korni ba? Hahaha. Pero ayun nga. Sabi ko kasi dapat matanong ko yun bago ka umalis at nagawa ko naman.

Alam ko marami na tayong pinagdaanan. Ilang beses na tayong hinamon ng panahon. Pero heto pa din tayo kumakapit at patuloy na kakapit. Pagtiyagaan mo muna ako ah. 😅 Huwag kang mag alala. Babawi at babawi ako sayo.

Sasamahan kita sa bawat laban mo. Tandaan mo yan. Hindi ka nag iisa. Andito ako kasama mo

Ilalaban kita, ilalaban natin to. Magkakasama din tayo. Mananalo tayo. Mahal na mahal kita. Hindi kita pababayaan at hindi kita iiwan. Hihintayin ko yung panahong natin dalawa. Hihintayin ko at hihintayin kita at hihintayin ko kayo. 😊

[thunderstorm-world]

123021

"Talk about life, memories bring back". Usapan kung ano mga nangyari sainyo sa buo taon ng 2021 at kung ano yun mga narealize o natutunan nyo. ~Admin as sa gc.

-So i shared some of my experiences that happened to me this 2021.

I said na yung year nato is much memorable and painful at the same time.

-Nagkaroon ako ng mga unexpected friendship via internet na nakilala ko sa dating apps, naging more than friends but less than a lover den.

-Nasali sa isang gc at mas nadagdagan pa yung internet friends. and sobrang thankful ko na nakilala ko sila, they're not just a friend for me, as time pass by mas lalo akong nagiging close sa kanila, yung ugali ko na pagiging makulit at palakwento dun sa gc kolang nailabas. but then iba parin talaga na may napapagsabihan ka ng problema and mga thoughts and traumas mo sa buhay, so habang nasa gc i've met someone na kasing vibes ko.

-Someone na kayang makinig and magshare at the same time ng kanya² naming buhay. and yes umabot kame sa talking stage kuno na tinatawag nila, eto yung stages na kikilalanin nyo yung isat-isa and pag naging okay eh pwede na ilevel up (dating nor bf/gf)

but sadly kinilala lang namin yung isat isa but we end up nothing at all. (diko na kinuwento pa in detailed)

i just said na we Both okay individually, may kanya² na kaming buhay ng taong yon.

-Siya pinopursue nya na yung pag aaral nya and passion/hubbies nya which is good and I'm really happy for her.

-Ako pareho din. nagpapaka busy nadin, I've been starting to focus sa studies and self ko, mas nilawakan ko nadin yung mindset ko. at nag start ng mag gym hindi para maging sexy or what, kundi mas maging physically and mentally healthy nadin, ang kaso medyo naudlot ng kaunti pero babalik din naman :">

-So i said sa gc na if ever man na makausap nila kme separately, sana iwasan nalang yung pagtatanong ng patungkol sameng dalawa, kung nag uusap paba kame or kung maayos paba kame kase we both selected a separated road na. that means wala na kameng communications and all so no need na i ask kame, para nadin sa growth and peace of mind namin pareho, mas better na dina namin naririnig yung pangalan ng isat isa., but we're in good terms naman for me.

-I also said na i'm not regretting anything. not even once.

di ako nagsisi na nakilala ko yung taong yon, diko pinagsisihan na may mga nakilala akong unexpected na tao this year, lesson man o blessings.

-I also shared about sa mental health ko which is bumalik ulit yung depression ko nung mga nakaraang buwan, dahil narin siguro sa pag ooverthink at kung ano² pa yung inaalala na di naman dapat alalahanin. samot sari din yung mga nangyari sakin.

Maliban sa nawalan ako ng taong makakausap ng dahil narin sa sobrang insecurities at immaturity ko. nawalan din ako ng mahal sa buhay, yung lola ko, kaya din siguro mas lumalala si depression. nanahimik ako for 2months or more sa socmed, tho inoopen ko siya pero dina ganon kadalas at katagal kasi need korin magbasa ng mga updates sa lugar namen and sa acads. as time pass lagi nakong umiiyak sa gabi may dahilan man o wala, its one of my coping mechanism para mas madali kong mapatatag ang sarili ko sa mga bagay² at para narin siguro makalimot.

-Lastly nag iwan ako ng advice, i said na if kaya nyong mag effort sa taong mahal nyo mag effort kayo, gawin nyo palagi yung best nyo para sa kanila kasi who knows kung kailan sila mawawala sa buhay naten, wag naten pagsisihan kung ano man yung mga ginawa at nagawa naten para sa kanila, always do your best for them para by the end of the day wala tayong pagsisihan. mahirap din kasing magsisi sa huli.

-Alam ko sa sarili ko na ginawa ko lahat ng best ko para sa mga taong mahal ko at naging parte ng buhay ko, diko kayo kakalimutan, mananatili kayong parte ng memories ko no matter what💝

-So sa lahat ng nakilala ko this year MAHAL KO KAYONG LAHAT💝

-MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT SA LAHAT💝

THIS IS THE END OF MY 2021!🦋

[coffeemotions]

Journal (October 17, 2021)

Hello! Hay, eto na naman tayo. Starting some habits tapos di naman kayang panindigan hehehe. Well, nag install na ulit ako ng tumblr app sa phone para naman mas maging consistent ako. 😁

Anyway, today was a roller coaster for me. Nagpunta kaming gloria sa kaibigan namin kasi ninang kami ng anak nya. Some catch up, umuwi din at around 1pm

Aside from that, isa sa mga highlight ng araw ko ngayon ay naguninstall na ako ng mga dating app. Hindi siguro talaga para sa akin yun😜 Nakakasawa mag swipe right ng magswipe right. I won't find my "the one" there😉 Wait na lang tayo sa tamang timing ni Lord.

Sunday night ngayon, tapos na naman ang weekend ng ganun ganun na lang??? hahaha well nakabawi naman sa pahinga at tulog, kasi wala akong ginawang paper works this weekend. hahaha Natapos ko naman na sya ahead of time at deserve ko naman siguro magpahinga hehehe😁

Yun lang nangyari sa araw ko, aside sa pinanood yung season 3 ng you na medyo nagpatrigger ng anxiety ko🙄

Yun lang, bukas ulit. Promise talaga😂✌️

good night. You deserve to rest.