#running away from my problems

[anxiouslyrunningaway]

Running depressed

(about the importance of not running when you are running)

I started running not only to feel better (since not even the antidepressants were not helping, and I am still on them to this day) but also to get away from my problems, but they did not magically disappear. Now, there is this safe space of 5 to 7 kilometers that lets me see things and think about things (especially when you are a slow runner) more in-depth. Yes, running definitely helps me feel good, but I am also aware of how easily I can get into something and burn out on the intensity of pursuing it.

The importance of not running 2 days a week is as important as running at least 3 times per week. The body needs to have some time off for the muscles, tendons, and ligaments to rest and regenerate, especially in the beginning when the body is getting used to the movement. It is a stressful event. Every living thing needs to take a day off, no matter what capitalism and neoliberalism are making us believe. I cannot stress the importance of the day of non-running enough. Usually, there are plenty of other options for what to do on the day of rest - strength training, core training, and mobility training, both static and dynamic (or at least these are the exercises suggested to pursue along with running/training for half marathons and marathons). These are important even for beginners to gain much-needed strength.

Also, the importance of additional training (ugh, I know, this has been the biggest disappointment of the running thing so far—the other was the fact that I cannot run every day) is not stressed enough. I am still the person who despises the gym. Training with weights does not make sense to me, and all that. It is boring and honestly way too much, especially for someone like me who cannot do even one push-up (not the real one, the half one on the knees). And my body being weak at this moment is one more reason to train it as well. We all know the jokes about skipping leg day, but do we talk about balance in sports in general? Over-compensation is real. Movement coming from overly trained muscles of one group will be compensated by the neglected muscles of other groups, eventually resulting in movements that can cause pain or injuries. Nothing is more painful than finding joy and then being deprived of it.

So if you are, just like me, annoyed by the thought that you need to train and exercise these silly movements, let us bear it together, thinking about the long-term goal. As with all things in life, it is not about being focused on one thing only. You need to build a base and set different layers around it so the base is stable and there is always something to return to, even when obstacles or accidents are met on the way. I guess that is just the cliché way of saying that if running brings you joy, you will start to think about how to maintain this joy, how to make sure to continue as long as you can. Even though the frustrating part of this is professionally fit people on YouTube showing beginners 60 push-ups per minute and calling it the warm-up.

So, yeah, small steps, however unappealing, are part of the process. Not only trying to accept it but also trying to commit to it. Five minutes is better than zero or twenty minutes of overdoing it.

[fallenv1da]

but as of right now i have something to live for, mexico in december!!!!

[yashley]

Did she keep you trapped?

[protagonist-art]

um doomed yuri ocs? yes pls !!!

this is post is Carrie focused! she's fucked up and evil and like rlly short...

[xx-completely-in-ur-car-xx-blog]

save me from my nightmares ⛦ //

// ⛧ save me from myself

AKA: The first and the last time Ethan rescues Benny

[chiangyorange]

hey why s2 got the messiest worstest terrible awful fucked up compelling tangled dirty filthy complex nasty ass family drama ever. mianite was killed by his father using his mother's sword. how fucked up is that. hey do you know how fucked up that is. hey. hey wake up h

[capybonara]

Where Kaso sees first hand how clueless adults can be (namely, his brothers)

A mini-sode in response to this page by @werewolfsister!

[gilliontidestriderchampionoftheu]

WE'LL SAVE EVERYONE. INCLUDING YOU

[anxiouslyrunningaway]

About starting lightly

Okay okay, You are thinking oh fuck you, starting lightly, and well yeah, feel free to do so. But also, I've tried. This is not the first time \ I am trying to do something. The thing is, I tend to be very over-motivated and tend to believe I should start with perfect ----everything. Okay, if I do not have the right gear what is even the point? Ad if and when I start I must be stellar okay? No threading lightly, I expect exceptional performance from day one. And yes, I fail. I tend to start abruptly get that dopnaie kick, overdo things, and get so tired and sore all over my body then I just cease completely.

But, this time I ASKED FOR HELP,

I asked my sister if she could give me advice about how to start running and whether I could join her and her partner on their next jog (both runners and quite fit), just to….have the motivation to leave the house. I joined them for a few hundred meters and then I heard her shouting instructions from time to time too fast! slow down! turn around and run back, that was quite a distance for today! They were both very supportive of my curiosity and gave me some more advice about how long, fast, and often to run to be able to sustain the routine and feel good after the run. Yes, you are supposed to feel good after the run (who would have thought? Not me!). Sure I felt a bit exhausted, my legs were tired but not to the point I needed to lay down and die. I did my research this time and concluded that brisk walking for 5 minutes is a good warm up then I would help myself with the scheme of Couch to 5 K - 1 minute of running and 1 minute of walking (here I admit I cheated a bit and I was drawn to overdo it, trying to figure out if I can run for 2 minutes or 3 minutes). This phase-training is ideal to start with it helps your heart and body to get used to performing and to calm down in short intervals and helps to build your stamina. A very important step that is doable and sustainable. Not only doable but is a crucial phase to help oneself build self-confidence in the abilities of one's body. Of course, I would not be able to run 30 minutes consistently. But with 10 minutes of heat up and 10 minutes of wind down plus 10 minutes of interval training divided into walking and running

One thing I always struggle with is perfectionism, I need to prove to myself I can do more than average what is expected of me. Ultimately, very often I ended up overdoing it and not only I did not end up finishing the thing, but I was left with horrible feelings of failure and inability to commit. Starting lightly really does heighten your chance to actually come back for the same amount the next day and the next day. I felt so good after my run! And it is all thanks to the fact that I was not trying to prove to myself I could run this fast and this distance without stopping, I wanted to start. Not to run but to build the base. I kept on reminding myself that walking is not something I should be ashamed of (you will meet people cheering you on when you suddenly switch from running to walking thinking it is the right thing to do - which can be quite frankly very frustrating experience. Even from the fellow runners - please don't. I do know you mean well but do not impose the performance myth onto other runners especially the forever beginners who are just trying to start, to find ways to feel comfortable running and even more importantly, to feel comfortable walking when it feels like we cannot run anymore.) One of the things that was keeping me from running was the idea of the other - all the people who could see me running - the potential witnesses to my failure - having to stop and catch my breath. Just let go of your ideations of the ideal image of a runner. In the metaphorical but also very physical way, however shallow it sounds, no matter how little I seemed to care about those aspects my insecurities started to appear the minute I was considering running - clothing, pace, tempo, sweat all that. I kept repeating to myself that I was trying, just giving myself a break for once and disregarding my inner critic. And it was not easy.

If I am absolutely honest, starting with running in a new/different city was a big help. It was not really about the inability to start back home, but rather feeling a bit more at ease, and definitely a bit better than I did in Prague. I came to Brussels for an internship for two months and coming from a hilly-ish cityscape to the outskirts of the city where the closest bike lane/running lane is 5 minutes of walking distance was a big help. It was not the factor that miraculously helped me transform into somebody with strong willpower, but if I am honest, it was a nice change, a bit of help. So yes, I am not sure how long would it take (and if ever) to start back in the city of my previous residence. But rather about looking for the reasons whether it is possible right now I want to focus on how to start right now. Or maybe later. For me personally, it took a few months of ruminations to finally get up and start. So whatever the final impulse I was acting on this time was a result of thinking about it. The idea of wanting to start grew in me slowly but steadily. I think in the end I really wanted things to work out this time. Especially after all the failures I was dealing with at that time (break up after quite an exhausting long-distance relationship after 1,5 years, career failures, academic failures, and the list could go on, but hey, we are here), I was desperate for a feeling that I can control at least some aspects of my life. I can build up something myself, that would be relatively independent of the circumstances of the outside world. That I possess the willpower to change the course of my life, I can train for a marathon and even if it takes months or years, I can commit to it. I can observe the process, be in the process, and focus on the progress, not being the best but just making it to the finishing line.

So I guess we will see about that?

[baconpal]

Gokudo my beloved.

[son1c]

Tails be adding different colors and some variety to his wardrobe in some way, whether it be jackets or scarfs and the shoes- especially the shoes!- so his brother feels safe and doesn't keep being reminded of that

whatever it takes tbh

[chaos-bringer-13]

Jazz's little. Her parents are super cool. They're ghost hunters! It sounds like something from a movie about future and scientists and supernatural beings and cool-looking tech. They have cool-looking tech at home. It's even cooler than tech in the movies.

Jazz also has a little brother. He's stupid but he's hers, and she will protect him from anything. Her brother is very small, he needs someone to protect him and teach him about the world.

She knows about the world. She understands their parents much better than him, and she can tell her brother when they shouldn't be distracted. She knows when they're upset and irritable, and she knows when they're too excited and being near them is dangerous because of all the inventions.

Jazz does a very good job keeping her little brother safe.

---

Jazz goes to school. Her teachers say that she's very smart, the best student in class, and very mature. Her parents are proud of her - when she manages to distract them from ghosts. Her brother is still kinda stupid and doesn't know how to properly fight food, but she's always there to protect him, because that's what older sisters do.

Her classmates seem to think that she's weird though. Some of them say mean things and call her a teacher's pet and a show-off. Jazz isn't sure why they think so because she's always trying to be friendly but maybe she's doing something wrong. She goes to the school library and finds a book about people and their communication.

It's a very interesting book.

---

Jazz is almost a teen. She's gotten better at communicating with people. The school library ran out of psychology books, and Jazz now has to go to the city library but that's fine. Human brain fascinates her.

She's been feeling like something is wrong about her though. She even thought that she was going crazy for a little bit. That probably wasn't true because she didn't match any symptoms but she was still worried.

Someone told her that being so good at lying and faking face expressions is not okay. That's probably not true, Jazz is pretty sure almost everyone can do that. Or maybe she's just being a prodigy again. It's a very good thing to be able to do after all. She can hide her emotions from her family when she's feeling sad. She wouldn't want to worry them, would she?

She'll have to research it.

---

Jazz is a teen. She now knows that her parents aren't actually that good. It's something that was really hard to accept but it did explain everything. Her parents are kinda bad at being parents, and they also don't really listen when she tries to explain it to them.

It's okay. She's almost an adult and Danny has her. She can take care of herself and her brother.

She learns everything she can about being a parent and a therapist and tries to use her knowledge. It's hard, but she's a Fenton, which means that she's very smart and determined. She pushes through, and trains on her classmates and herself.

In the evening she writes about her feelings in a journal. It's very important to be aware of her feelings because that's the first step to dealing with them.

She's experiencing sadness. And anger, actually, even though she doesn't like to admit that.

She writes "this family is a fucking mess" in her journal and then covers the paper with ink until the sentence is absolutely unreadable.

---

Jazz is sixteen, and her stupid parents opened the stupid portal, which means that they're even worse than usual. It's pretty much okay when they're just stuck in their stupid lab, making some stupid weapons. It's not that okay when they're out of the stupid lab, because they get their stupid inventions all over the stupid house, and stupid food comes to life, and she has to protect Danny from both their stupid weapons and stupid hotdogs, and oh god everything is so stupid.

She's experiencing anger.

She's also acting perfectly calm and almost cheerfully.

Jazz hates how perfect her fake smile is in the mirror.

---

Jazz is seventeen. She wants to put her headphones on and listen to some loud music. Jazz can't do that, because she gets anxious if she can't hear what's happening around her. She needs to be fully aware of her surroundings because she needs to be able to protect herself and her brother if weapons against ghosts become weapons against children again.

She thinks that it's not okay.

The house smells of ectoplasm, so she'll be extra careful when opening the fridge.

She thinks that she shouldn't know how ectoplasm smells.

Jazz should probably also warn Danny: her little brother's gotten better at fighting food but doesn't notice the smell of ectoplasm. Funny, considering his ghost sense.

Funny, considering that her brother is a half-ghost.

That her brother died.

That she failed at protecting him after all.

Jazz stops breathing to prevent herself from crying, and doesn't need oxygen for a few minutes too long.

Maybe she failed at protecting herself too.

---

Jazz is turning eighteen next month. Her parents are all of a sudden more attentive and caring, as if that can change their almost-absence during her whole life. She doesn't like their attention because she doesn't know how to deal with it. She doesn't even really think of them as parents anymore.

She thinks of them as a threat.

Once she's eighteen, she's gonna try to move out, and she's going to take Danny with her because it's not safe to leave him here. Maybe after she gets a good job and saves some money, she'll even get into therapy.

Jazz thinks that she needs therapy.

She's been having Bad Thoughts lately, and she doesn't write them down in her journal. Jazz stopped writing anything in there ever since she found out that Danny is a ghost. She just couldn't risk anyone finding that journal.

Jazz isn't sure if she should call those Bad Thoughts intrusive. They scare her, and they're Bad, but it could be just her normal thought process.

It's still definitely not normal.

---

Jazz is eighteen. Her parents are very excited, whispering to each other about how they found a perfect present for her, some surprise that she's gonna love.

She doesn't care.

Her little brother is late from school, and it's weird, because he was also super excited about giving her his present.

She's worried.

Her parents brush off her concern, say that Danny probably just got distracted talking with his friends. They don't listen when she says that Danny wouldn't get distracted like that on her birthday because he's not them, he actually cares about her, he doesn't forget her birthdays, and something has to be wrong for him to be that late.

They don't listen to her at all.

She's angry.

Her parents are excited and talk loudly about how they wanted to find a perfect gift for their favourite daughter, and how they managed to do it because they love her so much. She hates when they're excited. It only leads to problems.

They bring her to the lab because of course they do, why would they make a gift that is normal and isn't kept in the lab, right? They usher her in, so obviously proud of themselves.

She hates them.

And she hates them much, much more the next second, because the gift is her little brother in his ghost form, strapped to a table, unconscious and injured, and the smell of ectoplasm is strong in the lab because of his green blood dripping on the floor.

There's a cold part of her that analyses her feelings and tells her what emotions she's experiencing, and that part is very aware of thick black smoke of wrath twirling and twisting under her skin. It's suffocating, and she stops breathing as it invisibly fills her lungs, scared of letting it out.

There's a perfectly fake part of her that keeps the smile on her face as her parents gush about how hard it was to catch the ecto-scum, and what they can do to it - together with Jazz because they wanted to share this with their amazing daughter.

Jazz is black smoke of rage under perfect glass of calmness when she grabs Fenton anti-creep stick. The smile she learned to fake under any circumstances doesn't falter when Jazz brings the baseball bat down on her father's head. It grows a little bit wider when she hits her mother, because Jazz learned to smile brighter when she's hurt or sad or scared or angry - experiencing any "bad" emotion actually.

Jazz is angry when she grabs her weapon.

Jazz is furious when she kills her parents.

Jazz is worried when she checks her brother's wounds.

Jazz feels nothing when she rigs the portal to blow, walks out of the house and presses the button.

She is her parents' genius daughter after all, and she did listen when they were telling her about their inventions. Maybe it would have taken longer to do, but she had Bad Thoughts, and they probably weren't just intrusive after all, because she did what they told her and made it very easy to make a bomb out of a portal. Just in case. Her parents were a threat, and Jazz was smart enough to prepare to dealing with threats, and she was smart enough to make it look like the threats dealt with themselves.

She really hoped she wouldn't have to use that button though.

---

Jazz is nineteen. Her sort-of-friends at uni offer to go to a restaurant, and she tells them that she doesn't celebrate her birthdays. There's a noise of all of them saying that maybe she should try, noise that she really should have expected, because humans are always so excited about any holidays, it's hard for them to understand that someone might not like them. It's not hard to stop that noise though. They shut up very quickly when Jazz says that she had "a very traumatic event" on her birthday.

Good. She doesn't like loud people.

Jazz goes home to her little brother. He's sad because his parents died in an awful explosion a year ago. He's still trying to smile because it's also her birthday, and Jazz is very happy that he's bad at faking a smile.

It means that he won't end up like her.

Jazz hugs her little brother, and he gives her a little present that she adores, and then they sit in silence and eat some takeout. It's very nice.

She never tells Danny that their parents died before the explosion, and that the explosion wasn't an accident, and that their ghosts did form after that because of all the ecto-contamination they had, but she made sure this wouldn't become a problem. She never tells him what she's done, because that would hurt her little brother, and she would never let anything hurt him.

Jazz will protect her little brother from anything.

[thenonbinarydetective]

Gotham War is shit and all, but I'm starting to get tired of people complaining that Bruce was OOC that was like literally one of the main points

complain about literally anyone else being OOC because they don't have an excuse

[mrbluesummers]

Any time I post content relating to baby Knives and his corruption, there's inevitably people who make a comment about how the difference between Vash and Knives is that Knives didn't get a moment with Rem like Vash did, but Knives didn't need one. He knew she loved them already. That's why he never lashed out at her.

Knives is open and honest with Rem until the end. He doesn't pretend like he isn't hurt. When she addresses how he's "forcing [himself] to carry it all alone" he's completely honest with her:

Rem: Are… you… trying to bear this all by yourself? Tesla's story must have been a shock to you. I'm sorry, but I just feel like… you're forcing yourself to carry this alone, shutting everything away inside. Knives: Yeah. I am. It was a shock. It really was, but… we have to go on. That's what you said, right? There's so much we have to do… to make sure it never happens again.

While he doesn't straight up just say "hey I'm going to kill all humans", he is otherwise open with her that he's decided to carry the weight of protecting them from humans. Maybe if Rem was better equipped to handle a traumatized child, she would have been able to better address Knives' trauma, but the issue was never her or her love.

You can see it in the way he still cries and finds comfort in her embrace, and thanks her, and the montage of them living happily together. Knives never withdrew from Rem like Vash initially did. He was purely afraid of other humans and what they might do to his family, Rem included. All of his hate for her came after the Fall.

[bonefall]

even though I've never read the books, i love how you handle the women in this series.

The utter lack of interest in the internal lives of women characters in WC kills me. If you don't read the series it's hard to put it into words, but it really does not value women on the same level as their male counterparts

I think the best example I can use is Turtle Tail. All of her choices, from going to live with Bumble, choosing a "cruel man" as a mate, and even her grief when Bumble dies, all only happen as accessories to Gray Wing's arc.

Living with Bumble was because Gray Wing was obsessing over a woman who didn't love him, neglecting Turtle who does

Choosing Tom the Wifebeater was also because Gray Wing didn't appreciate her enough

She accepts that her friend's murder was just an unfortunate accident and her emotions carried her away in the moment, because Gray Wing needs to be right that his brother is a good boy

In this way, Turtle Tail's emotions and motivations aren't allowed to really be about her. They're about how her romantic interest influences her. And then she's crushed by a car for his man pain after they've explored every other way her life could make him sad.

This does not happen with men. Even characters like Stemleaf and Larksong, whose primary narrative purpose is dying for their wife's pain, have functions outside of that. Stemleaf gives his life opposing the tyranny of the impostor in a rebellion, and Larksong has input on The Kin, SkyClan, and even serves as a source of comfort and support to a son who he's never met in contrast to the unreasonable mother.

There's just so much more respect and reverence to the toms in this series. You have to be in the POV of a molly to get depth, and even then, they nearly always (exceptions being mothwing and mistystar) include a major conflict over romance and/or parenthood

(And they usually get punished for their choices a lot harder than male counterparts. Directly contrast Crookedstar and Sparkpelt, who both distance themselves from their children out of grief, but only one has to deal with the lasting consequences of being a "bad parent")

Anyway, enough wistful analysis. It is MY kitchen and I get to choose the conflicts. It is my personal mission to write lots and lots of women persuing a higher education in STEM. Sadism, Torture, Evisceration, and Murder <3