#romancing him with an elf was a very deliberate choice

[queen-scribbles]

Ulbrig, she's an elf. She's 250 years old. She was, in fact, significantly older than you BEFORE Sarkoris fell. You're just as much from her own time as anyone else here. :)

[felassanis]

WHY FENHAWKE IS IMPORTANT. FENRIS ANALYSIS.

(I’m not saying you have to romance fenris, if you do not like fenris you do you boo boo romance a fucking candelstick. I just have to put this ‘disclaimer’ even tho it’s obvious, cuz we have easily offended geezers up in this fandom who have accused me before of having ‘acted superior with my romance choice’ and all that bollocks.)

Kinda long, kinda detailed, but I had a lot of fun thinking about this. Also, I am not analysing Rivalmance, I am analysing scenes and dialogue from Fenris’s ‘nicemance’’ mentions of mental illness but nothing triggering.

Fenris’s story in Dragon Age II has a outer layer and an inner layer. The outer layer is of course fighting for his freedom. Becoming a free man is his conscious desire. In order to get this Fenris will do anything from never staying in one place for too long to killing anyone that comes after him. This ‘becoming a free man’ is the obvious story regarding Fenris. It’s the first thing we learn about his arc: The slave who wants to be free. And it’s up to our Hawke to help him achieve that.

But, we also have what I call the ‘true story’. His inner layer or ‘subconscious’ desire surrounds the element of revenge, overcoming trauma and learning to move on. It’s the story of Fenris we will eventually learn about and slowly uncover as the game progresses. 

Fenris deep down wants to move on. It’s not just about being free, Fenris knows he wants to be free. He is fully aware of that. What he doesn’t acknowledge however, is that in order to be truly free he’s got to learn to accept what has happened to him, accept it was out of his control and accept that it is in the past. But....he won’t. 

I will admit, Fenris’s speech can be hella emo and overdramatic, the way he talks is extremely gothic novella and the writers could have done a better job at showing not telling. But, the reason he talks the way he does about ‘plagues in his heart’ and whatnot, is to exemplify the complete and utter turmoil this elf possesses. You can tell he’s thought about it a lot, because he talks so poetically that you can’t help but think ‘no one naturally talks likes this’ it shows he has overthought the emotions his past has caused at great lengths. I guess, you could analyse it as ‘no one talks that way, unless they’ve rehearsed it’ which yes, I think he has rehearsed it to some degree. Not to sound purposefully broody and meloncholic just for the aestheitc; he just knows with full clarity how it makes him feel and he’s able to describe it naturally in that articulated manner. 

I highly doubt he even knows he’s doing it honestly, his speech is very different from the other characters. Anders for example also suffers from trauma and mental health, but he doesn’t speak like this. For Fenris it just comes naturally...

Every time we talk to Fenris before spending the night with him is about slavery. We find him running from slavers, we kick down the doors to hunt down his slave master and he talks to Hawke about what has happened to him regarding his days of being a slave. The topic of slavery is heavily ingrained into his character but the game isn’t doing that because Bioware wants you to think ‘OOH he’s so angsty and broody! He’s such a tormented soul don’t you just love him?!’ Nah, Bioware is merely saying that this character’s past was so horrifying that he simply cannot get over it. He talks about it so much because it has engulfed him; he’s not free of the chains as Flemeth said. 

The ‘chains’ she’s referring to is that ‘slavery’ has very much swallowed his whole identity. He’s not yet willing to claw his way out of the jaw of his past. He’s both unwilling and likely unaware he talks about it so much with Hawke.

The only other conversation where it’s not heavily discussed is when him and Hawke discuss the theme of home in his first one on one. It becomes very clear that Fenris has not had a home in a long time due to being on the run, he asks Hawke why they haven’t returned to Ferelden and nearly every option Hawke has is pretty much ‘Kirkwall isn’t so bad, I’ve built a life here’ or ‘my family is here, I have roots’ to which Fenris will sound...longing. Exhibiting a clear desire to have his own place to call home, yet he won’t come out and say it. Hawke says “It sounds like you want to settle down,” and Fenris will respond “I could see myself staying, for the right reasons,” and I just...look, he is deliberately giving himself an out when he says that. ‘The right reasons’ is a clever way of Fenris setting up an escape plan for when his paranoia inevitably settles in and it’s time to pack up and move on. ‘The right reasons,’ yeah, we both know Fenris, that when you decide it’s time to go you can then just be like ‘I haven’t found the right reason to stay’ and run. But the reason you haven’t found the right reason to stay, is because you are not MAKING a reason to stay! 

Moreover, his second one on one? Where if you flirted with him he’s like ‘You’re amazing, but I’m a slave...why would you want me?’ here, Hawke is beginning to represent that ‘right reason’...a reason he could stay, and that gives him some food for thought, as well as some potential fear...This is repeated when the flirting gets a bit more heated durng the second conversation. Where’s he drunk (I think?) and him and Hawke dance around ‘getting to know each other’ only for Fenris to suddenly back out.

A good quote, ‘if you feel as though you have no place in the world, you must make one,’ is something I think resonates with this elf. He doesn’t have a purpose in the world, he is on the run constantly with his past eating away at him. But he does want purpose, he’s just unable to grasp it. His story is about carving himself a new purpose, a new future.

Now, obviously...Fenris can’t really settle down. Not until he’s stopped being hunted which will only occur when Danarius is dead. I’m obviously not glossing over that and saying ‘Fenris is a bitch who won’t move on’ that’s not what I’m saying AT ALL. He has good reason to not stay in one place and he has good reason to paranoid. But, Danarius and the slavers? that’s not the inner conflict that I’m trying to analyse. Danarius and the slavers are an obstacle, they are the physical hurdles he has to jump over. So, yeah I know Fenris cannot do any of what I have said because of those hurdles, but he also can’t do any of that until he’s dealt with his inner conflict; which as I said before is him learning to move on and accepting the past.

The inner conflict NOT BEING ADDRESSED is exactly why after he kills Hadriana he feels EMPTY. In the moment that he is face to face with someone that caused him so much pain; she bullied him to no end and like any person Fenris loses it. All those years of abuse...he has the chance to exact his revenge and he does it. However, after being consumed with hatred for so long and at such an intensity...what is left? Now she’s dead...he feels nothing.

I want to point out that Fenris says ‘I couldn’t let her go, I wanted to...but I couldn’t’ at first I when I heard this line I was a bit confused. But thinking about it, Hadriana isn’t just a character in Dragon Age. In Fenris’s story she represents a chapter in his lifethat Fenris THOUGHT HE HAD CLOSED. He says ‘This hate...I thought I had gotten rid of it’ Hadriana represents Fenris’s rage...Hadriana while a complete fucking bitch, isn’t Danarius. Danarius is the one that haunts Fenris. While I have no doubt that she deserved to die, and I shudder to think what she might have done, she isn’t as bad as Danarius. Fenris...could have let her go, and if he had done then it would have represented some ounce of moving on...but he kills her, he gives into his rage and kills her. 

Fenris had convinced himself that he was over it to some degree, but he isn’t. So once her blood laments his hands, it is a revelation to him. A scary one...and that is why he feels ‘disquiet’. Or alternatively, you could see it as Fenris perhaps ALWAYS knowing he was not over his hate deep down, but Hadriana finally brought it to light. His hate has always been quelling inside of him, but it’s only really after Hadriana, does Fenris finally fucking realise it. So when it’s revealed to him, it becomes too much for him to handle hence why he stomps off leaving the party. Thus, beginning Act 2 of Fenris’s story...

Sorry for all of that, but now I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT HAWKE.

After he leaves the party, you will find Fenris at Hawke’s estate waiting for them. Now that hot, emotional fury has lifted from his senses he’s ready to be nice again and say sorry. 

After apologising; Hawke as concerned as always, asks him if he’s okay...and Fenris, without being drunk, will be completely honest with Hawke. He will confess the conflict he is feeling, he’ll describe what Hadriana made him feel and he will confess how her death left an emptiness inside of him...I don’t doubt that Fenris is a reserved person. He’s not one to voice his problems and past. While the entire cast of DAII know Fenris was a slave, I feel like only Hawke truly knows the details. However gory. The Fog Warriors story truly shows how much trust he has for Hawke, that isn’t a story that paints him as the good guy...yes, to some degree he was a victim but he did murder people who only wanted to help, who were willing to fight for his freedom. The Fog Warriors are parallel to Hawke, they were people he respected and looked up to just as he does with Hawke yet he killed them. Him telling that story...my god, imagine how hard that must be. Hawke is doing the same thing for him that the Fog Warriors did, but he trusts Hawke so much that he feels like they should know. 

Back to the romance scene, he is completely vulnerable in that moment. After his rant he has a moment of clarity and realises he’s distanced himself from the original goal of meeting up with Hawke. They’re so easy to talk to he forgot himself. So, he’s about to leave. Until Hawke reaches out for him.

THE KISS SCENE, wow...ok. The armour design defintely had a hand in it, we know his arms are showed off in that armour because he’s not keen on hiding them, he won’t hide from the slavers who know exactly what those markings mean. 

Hawke grabs HIS SKIN. As they try to stop him from leaving they touch his skin...

Back with Hadriana when Hawke can reach out for him, they grab his shoulder, the part of him that’s cladded in thick leather (or whatever the heck it’s made out of)...nothing happens. HERE THEY TOUCH HIS SKIN. All that SPIKY armour! And Hawke is close enough to Fenris that they can reach out and touch his bare arm. 

He glows, and while it can be speculated, the lyrium seems to briefly cloud his mind and instinctively he seems to think he’s being hurt, on reflex he slams Hawke against the wall. He appears angry, hostile...could be the lyrium defending him...but it’s probably more to do with physical abuse....

I love seeing that blue cloud fade from his eyes, as he slowly slips back to reality and processes what has just happened. His animation shows him stepping back, slowly because he must be thinking ‘I have just made this worse, I came here to apologise, and these damn markings just made me attack Hawke’ in this moment Hawke sees Fenris in a state. The Lyrium, the ‘magic that has spoiled him’ took over...he probably thinks they ought to be mortified. But instead? Hawke kisses him.

Hawke has seen him in the state he probably feels disgusted by. There’s no way this hasn’t happened before, where he’s lost control. And he probably feels akin to a mage succumbing to a demon. But Hawke...Hawke just loves him, and wants to make him feel loved. They saw that flicker of horror in his eye as he pinned them against the wall, and they just would want to blow it out. 

Of course Fenris is going to reciprocate. There’s no one he respects more, no one he trusts more (nor fancies more :) ) and after he did what he did they still kiss him. Finally, it is here that Hawke represents a future, and for that night he’s willing to have a taste of that future. To feel happy and loved, to forget about his past and focus on Hawke...

Then, the past comes to bite him in the arse.

He remembers his life before the the lyrium. Suddenly, without warning it is then stolen from him. He lost his life TWICE.

He lost it twice because of the Lyrium, the lyrium inflicted upon him by Danarius, the Magister who fucking...well, you know. The Magister who enslaved him and others and who has been sending out slavers to hunt him down, the very same slavers Hawke and Fenris fought that very day...the slavers that ambushed him and Hawke.

See where I’m going with this? Fenris recollecting his memories only to lose them is a double edged sword. One side, it’s clearly devastating and anyone would be disturbed if their whole life just vanished so suddenly. And if being with Hawke is just going to repeat that then you can’t blame him for wanting to end it. But also, Hawke? This human that represents a potential future? Being with them made him remember the past, the past he is still haunted by and clings to. How can he have a future with someone when being with them is tainted by the past?

I had a whole rant about this in another post so I won’t ramble too long since this post is already a thicc bitch but...Fenris cannot delve into a relationship with Hawke. He isn’t ready for the committment when he’s still being haunted by the past, both physically and mentally. Before he can have a future, he needs to work on himself in order to be ready for that future. He needs to kill Danarius. Now we circle back to him overcoming his obstacles and finally achieving his subconscious desires. 

I said that mental illness is reallt well portrayed in Fenhawke because Fenris and Hawke are seperated for YEARS. Yet, the beauty of it is that Hawke waits for Fenris. They stay by him, they support him and protect him and they remain at his side until the day they finally get to witness him pull out Danarius’s heart. It utterly evokes the beauty of good relationships such as patience, compromise and adoration of all flaws. Yes, they seperate and yes I know people got a bit mad. However, Fenris leaving Hawke strengthens their bond.

Fenris is the one who closes the chapter on Danarius, because as I have said if you are struggling with mental illness only you can help yourself and take the steps to recovery. There are the lucky few who have others surrounding them that will be of support and of course that helps...but it is down the one person to realise they are drowing, and it’s up to them if they grab the lifeguard.

With Danarius dead, once again that feeling of numbing emptiness prevails and instead of getting angry Fenris owns up to the fact that...he needs to move on. That if he’s ever going to be happy he needs to accept what happened to him. Whether or not you let verania live, it was important for Fenris to think he could have reclaimed the past. Because this time when he is once again proven wrong it finally clicks that the past has nothing for him anymore. I do wish he could have had a family, but...it is kinda fitting that Verania is a mage, that she isn’t interested in reuniting with Fenris. The ties have been cut, the past isn’t the answer.

He feels alone. Obviously, that’s not tue, because guess who’s been by his side all this time? And who is standing there right now, looking upon him with much love in their eyes reminding him ‘I’m here Fenris,’

That smile, *swoons* that smile. :’) As though Hawke has said something so bloody obvious. Making him smile because ‘yeah, he should have known that’ And that MY FRIENDS, Is probably when Fenris is already concieving the possibility of spending the rest of his life with Hawke...RIGHT THEN AND THERE.

Fenris has a long way to go to move on, but the important thing is is that he’s now finally willing and able. He doesn’t know where it will lead, but whatever or wherever it leads he’s going to walk it with Hawke. He talks about wishing he had stayed with Hawke when he finally confronts them with what happened between them all those years ago. He says that because now his head is clearer and he sees what he should have done. But Fenris sweetie, you had to go through what you did in order to be the man you are today, it’s ok that you made mistakes. You’re here now and so is Hawke.

A platonic bond with Fenris is important, but Fenris and Hawke probably never see each other again if that’s the case. If you romanced him, Fenris flees Kirkwall with Hawke. He ain’t leaving their side, because they are his future.

Fenris has a fucking amazing arc, bioware did really well with him and his romance was so well done and I love analysing his behaviour. Hawke really helps him get through his trauma and they are there to take his hands and lead him down the road to recovery. This was a romance DONE RIGHT

thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

[naruhearts]

It’s Never Too Late to Start All Over Again

Now that @profoundzine Vol. 1 has been shipped out and released, public restrictions are lifted! I can finally share my published meta piece from the zine (written before S14 ended/14x20 aired. Now preconceived notions of FREE WILL and what constitutes it are being challenged re: TFW + Destiel, but I’ll tackle that next time!! We’re coming FULL CIRCLE here!). 

Accompanying artwork: the lovely @thedogsled who also tirelessly worked with me in editing this meta <3

- - -

Darkness. The phone call.  The glimpse of trench coat. And then there was light.

Cas’ emotive resurrection in 13.05 surprised general audiences, although no one was as shaken as Dean Winchester. The complex journey of these two men is one for the history books. It’s a narrative tango knitting them together like two intrinsic gravitational forces that found their match.

Castiel has come a long way since he first raised the Righteous Man from perdition. His very touch upon Humanity - in the form of the iconic handprint adorning Dean’s left shoulder - had sparked his Fall, and from that point on did Castiel’s self-democracy proliferate in the following ten years. His already humanistic predisposition warred with his sense of duty as the Angel of the Lord, yet Dean remained his one fixture of reason, anchoring him to human nature.

But let’s hit pause first. Rewind the tape to 4.01: Lazarus Rising. The episode title itself conveys the circular metaphor of human life, where Lazarus, the dead man of Biblical antiquity, lives again. Life is made up of flux, not permanence. The natural order of change wholly applies to personal human growth.

Dean’s starting point traces back to May 2, 1983 - the night John Winchester sent Dean on his first mission: take care of Sammy. Their Lawrence house is engulfed by yellow flame, and Mary Winchester burns. Mary’s death created her son Dean’s 14-year bildungsroman rife with many personal obstacles.

Dean then gets older. Embodying John’s ways of the Hunter, he internalizes selflessness, isolation, and wary pessimism against an evil world. Detachment is key. There’s no room for error, intimacy, or vacations on the beach with umbrella drinks and his toes in the sand - the latter a canonically ideal future that Dean let himself envision in 13.18.

Such Hunter ways cost him.

Toxic codependency offsets Dean’s repressive upbringing with Sam as the prioritized source of his personal bonds. Toxic coping mechanisms and emotional misarticulation govern his behaviour. Emotional dysregulation cripples his decision-making.

Dean is alone.

Then, on September 18th, 2008, Castiel meets Dean Winchester for the first time.

It happens fast. Sparks literally fly between the two men, with Dean frozen to the spot in simultaneous surprise and fear. After scathing words of disbelief are thrown in Castiel’s direction, the angel then offers his charge a perception that his charred soul never disclosed to anyone else: Dean doesn’t think he deserves to be saved.

He has been saved. By Castiel. And this is the unexpectedly beautiful outcome of Dean’s first rebirth: Castiel himself becomes the catalytic vehicle for his emancipation. Self-change starts from within, but Castiel lays important groundwork for Dean’s self-change. In other words, while Dean offers him free will, Cas offers Dean a compelling path: freedom to love himself.

During Supernatural’s 4th season run, we enter the newly minted age of Christian mythology. In Lazarus Rising, Castiel turns out to be an enigma of a creature: stoic, exclusively duty-bound, and having and wanting very little to do with human socialization. He’s on Earth for one purpose, and one purpose only: as an Angel of the Lord, Castiel obediently spouts rhetoric about the commands of On High - God’s plan. “Dean Winchester is saved,” announces Castiel, and the iconic phrase, in retrospect, holds no meaningful connotations. It is devoid of personality, with pure utilitarianism painting Dean as the means to an end.

Due to God’s absence, the 4th and 5th seasons show Heaven’s angels creating an authoritarian hierarchy. Dean and Castiel, both seeking their absent fathers, finally seem to be treading common ground with each other. In 4.07 the concept of free will - Humanity’s core strength - is introduced into Castiel’s narrative through Dean himself, where the hammer becomes the consistent metaphor for both Castiel and Dean’s automatic birth into subservience.

CASTIEL: We have no choice.

DEAN: Of course you have a choice. I mean, come on, what? You’ve never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you [...], just a couple of hammers?

Dean and Castiel also have their first intimate discussion. The audience observes that Castiel is opening himself up to Dean on the park bench, expressing his own vulnerability as he corrects Dean’s unfavourable impressions of him.

“I am not here to judge you, Dean,” Castiel says. “You misunderstand me [...] I am not like you think [...] I’m not a...hammer, as you say. I have questions. I have doubts.”

x

Castiel gripped duty in his palm. He has been subservient for years. And yet, from the point of first contact with his charge in Lazarus Rising, Season 4 wraps Dean and Castiel’s character arcs together - combines them into an extensive parallel narrative with self-actualization as their endgame.

Dean Humanity Winchester and Castiel then engage in their own scheherazade, each personal chapter shifting indelibly from reluctant allies to tentative acquaintances to fervent friendship to...something else.

Something profound.

Thibaut and Kelly, two prominent sociologists who brought interdependence to the forefront of healthy human relationship behaviour, would be flabbergasted with the potency of it in Dean and Castiel’s increasingly complex relationship.

Interdependence - known as the melting pot of dependence, respect, fairness, reciprocity, commitment, attraction, and satisfaction - unfurls between Dean and Castiel over ten years as the product of their personal development. Through trial and error, they decide that interdependence is achievable.

Their relationship has value.

And we observe how much Dean and Castiel value their deep friendship (heavily romance-coded relationship) numerous times. The classic mixtape of 12.19 is an illuminating example speaking to Dean’s perception of his relationship with Castiel. Audiences realize that mixtape gifting - long regarded as a conventionally romantic gesture - occurs between them offscreen, silently yet significantly indicating their closeness, and Dean rebuffs Castiel’s attempt to return it.

CASTIEL: Sorry Dean. I just wanted to return this.

DEAN: It’s a gift. You keep those.

The mixtape ‘Dean’s Top 13 Led Zepp Tra xx’ holds a major position in Dean and Castiel’s romantic narrative. Paralleling immortal elf Arwen gifting her necklace to human heir Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings when she tells him to keep it, the romantic symbolism of Dean’s mixtape is a testament to the interdependence surrounding Dean and Castiel, where Dean strips himself emotionally - shares the personal facets of himself - through music, Supernatural’s consistent medium for feelings and desires. Led Zeppelin, comprising the original soundtrack of Mary and John Winchester’s love story, forges an intergenerational romantic connection to their eldest son’s own life with the mixtape’s existence.

Now, Castiel coming back from the dead in Season 13 was nothing short of miraculous. His phone call to Dean harked back to Dean’s 4.01 resurrection in that after calling Bobby, returning to his family was tantamount. Yet Castiel’s own phone call is tinged with intimate quietness: the show does not expose what Castiel says to Dean. Privacy shields their conversation.

13.05 further transfixes audiences, because the narrative flow from Dean’s nihilistic grief pre-resurrection to optimism post-resurrection is blatant and deliberate. An emotional narrative rollercoaster, Dean’s internal state performs a rapid 180 over the course of the episode. The show takes much care in distinguishing the intense magnitude of grief between Dean and his younger brother Sam, where Sam’s positive functionality keeps up in the face of their recent personal losses (Castiel and Mary). Dean, however, internalizes these losses as extreme failures. Sam’s intentions to pull Dean out of self-destructiveness involve Dean’s usual performative coping mechanisms: ‘booze, bullets, and bacon’, but they are super unsuccessful this time around. Dean is not fine, and he subsequently backslides; his grieving psyche quickly spirals into depressive nihilism. Sam’s presence is no longer enough to stabilize Dean, and 13.05 contrasts him to Castiel, who is narratively defined as Dean’s anchor - his singular fixture of faith.

SAM: So now, you don’t believe anymore.

DEAN: I just need a win. I just need a damn win.

Sam and Dean are both affected by Castiel’s death, yet Season 13 minutely focuses on the narrative fact that one of these things is not like the other.

Love and...Love.

Indeed, Castiel is later framed as restoring light to Dean’s life; the visual narrative of bright lampposts permeating the dark of night - alongside the blue cross of faith - establishes the episode’s romantic context. The rich, tangible ambience of close-up camera shots between Dean and Cas, soft awash colours, and Steppenwolf’s It’s Never Too Late purposely evokes intimacy when the Destiel reunion finally takes place.

In 13.05 the show also reiterates the role of music in storytelling.

Tell me who's to say after all is done And you're finally gone, you won't be back again You can find a way to change today You don't have to wait 'til then It's never too late to start all over again To love the people you caused the pain And help them learn your name It's never too late to start all over again

Steppenwolf croons their relationship’s truth as Dean steps out of the Impala and locks eyes with Castiel at the telephone booth, no longer dead but alive.

Dean’s win.

The reunion is also both Dean and Castiel’s personal rebirth, where they are given the chance to push the boundaries of friendship - to enter an interpersonal relationship that features honesty and communication (represented by the telephone booth). 13.05 conveys their narrative aim to rectify the mistakes of their past. As Steppenwolf puts it simply, it’s time to love those they caused pain to. Know one another better. Practice interdependence.

Castiel later exchanges hugs with Sam in 13.06, which carries over the narrative interplay of familial versus romantic-coded interaction from 13.05. “I don’t know what to say”, Sam says. Dean, considerably more dumbstruck, states: “I do”, evoking wedding vows in that marriage is traditionally the lovers’ new beginning.

“Welcome home, pal”, Dean then murmurs, his wondrous green eyes wide. And he wraps Castiel in a crushing hug.

Dean is Castiel’s home.

Today, they are poised to navigate the waters of personal development in Season 14 by changing their internal dialogue. You know how the saying goes - you can’t freely love another person nor engage in a proper intimate relationship without loving yourself first. In Supernatural, Dean and Castiel are each other’s anchor for finding self-acceptance.

And like Lazarus, they are repeatedly reborn into the circular orbit of love.

[lemonysnidget]

Dead Wrong

Or “Who is Beatrice Snicket’s father?”

Reading The End when it first came out, I remember finishing the book and being somewhat bewildered, somewhat dissatisfied, thinking “okay how is that related to anything that came before????”, but also overall thinking “Wow, I’ve got more questions than when I started reading this book.” That’s not to say that I didn’t like the book, or that I didn’t feel like it wrapped up the overarching theme of the series is a really great way. I enjoyed The End, but it’s very different in tone from the rest of the series, and it doesn’t answer a lot of questions you go in with. And even before Chapter 14, you have so many more questions that also won’t be answered. That’s a bold move on Handler’s part, and it’s a rare thing in Children’s Lit (and a lot of fiction overall). 

One of the big questions that has stuck with me as a fan throughout the years - and sparked a few conversations during lunch block with my friends - is Just who is Beatrice’s father? It’s a question you don’t even realize that you could ask until 13.13, and then you’re just kind of stuck with it for the rest of your life. Are the Baudelaire orphans raising the daughter of their former enemy? It’s a great question for Handler to leave the audience with. 

Let’s dive into the significance of why wondering about Beatrice’s father is big, and what implications it has for the meaning of the book.

Reading the series the first time around, you might not even think to ask who is the father of Kit Snicket’s baby. Kit’s presence in TPP is so quick that you might not even have the chance to wonder - I certainly don’t remember even thinking about it, since there were so many other questions to be asked at the time. But, once you have Dewey whisper Kit dramatically before he drowns, the answer seems obvious. You do wonder why Kit didn’t mention Dewey’s existence to the Baudelaires, but you don’t linger on it. You realize that “my brother sends his regards” in Frank’s note is actually talking about Dewey and is kinda cute (or creepy depending on how you’re looking at it) and not a code. And if you didn’t get all of that because the book moves at such a breakneck speed, by the last couple pages of the book, you get this line: 

For another terrible moment, it felt like the boat was going to sink into the water, just as Dewey Denouement had sunk into the pond, guarding his underwater catalog and all its secrets, and leaving the woman he loved pregnant and distraught. (12.13)

Pregnant? Distraught? Sounds like Kit Snicket. So, we have confirmation that Dewey loved Kit (or that Lemony thinks that Dewey loved Kit). And it’s phrased in a way that really makes you inclined to think that there’s little ambiguity on the matter of who impregnated the Snicket lass. 

You get to The End, and everything seems to continue down that same train of thought. Kit asks the Baudelaires specifically about Dewey, and hopes that he will join them too. And then when she finds out Dewey is dead, she just gives up. She tells the Baudelaires: “I've lost too many people—my parents, my true love, and my brothers” and you immediately think she’s talking about Dewey (13.13). You don’t even question it. You just accept that she’s talking about Dewey and move on. But then... suddenly it changes.

"I've lost too much to go on— my parents, my true love, my henchfolk, an enormous amount of money I didn't earn, even the boat with my name on it." (13.13)

There are very few times I’ve actually mentally heard a record scratch in reaction to something, but this was one of them. I remember just stopping and staring at the page for a few seconds, thinking I had misread something. I then flipped back a couple pages to confirm that yep, the parallel structure between Kit’s and Olaf’s statements wasn’t in my head. And I knew that there was absolutely no way that it was an accident. (The in-universe record scratch for the Baudelaires happened with the kiss.)

Handler’s a skilled writer, and he knows enough to be extremely deliberate with his words and phrasing. He knows the importance of punctuation. Even if he might make fun of Aunt Josephine, he uses grammar so well that it’s clear he does care how sentences are structured and how punctuation or the splicing of sentences can provide nuance. No writer worth their salt would have these two sentences in the same chapter (let alone a flip of a page away) if they weren’t trying to say something. Not only do you have similar words and sentiments, there’s similar sentence structure and punctation! These two lines are supposed to go together. And this isn’t even the first time that Olaf and Kit have had very similar lines, in fact in TPP, both Kit and Olaf say "A taxi will pick up anyone who signals for one” matching each other word to word (12.1, 12.9). Perhaps while reading TPP, you didn’t notice it or you assumed it was some kind of code or aphorism of VFD, so you didn’t pay it much mind. But, in hindsight, it seems that Handler was already hinting at Kit and Olaf having a very deep connection. 

More than just parallel structure, Handler has a major, major departure from tone of the whole series and the characterization of both Kit and Count Olaf. ASOUE is not a series that focuses on romance, and it certainly does not advocate the notion of true love - maybe you’d find that in The Pony Party or The Littlest Elf. Love in ASOUE is not a permanent thing, and it is not a good thing. Beatrice 1 moved on from Lemony and was very happy in the life she chose. Charles’ love for Sir was not at all healthy. Esme and Jacques marriage is hardly a fairy tale (more a Russian novel). And even though Lemony seems to carry an ever enduring torch for Beatrice, he never refers to her as his true love. No one mentions true love. But, at the end of The End, pragmatic, Machiavellian Kit brings it up for the first time. It’s a little bit jarring. And then when Count Olaf says it, the reader is asked once again to step back and re-evaluate their understanding of the story’s villain, and the story itself. 

Continuing on that theme of forcing you to re-evaluate a man readers have spent 13 books seeing as a deplorable/disgusting/unloveable individual, Handler gives Olaf and Kit the most intimate moment in the whole series when Kit reaches out to touch Olaf’s tattoo and recite a love poem to him. Two dying individuals on the opposite side of a war, just connecting one last time, to recite poetry to each other. Taken out of context, it seems pretty damn romantic. 

And what does Olaf do in response to Kit’s love poem? He ruins the moment by abridging a poem about the cyclical nature of misery and pain, how children inherit their parents trauma’s, and the best way to avoid passing that burden on is to not have kids and die. Let Olaf say fuck, cowards. Charming thing to say to a pregnant woman in the process of giving birth, eh? Definitely a very Olaf thing to do. Is he just being an asshole? Or is there something else going on? 

At that point, there is no choice but to consider the possibility that Olaf is the father of Kit’s baby. Handler wants us to wonder if Beatrice’s birth is book ended by her parents deaths. 

No doubt, in the year that follows on the coast shelf, the Baudelaires asked themselves just that. Are they raising the child of the man who relentlessly pursued them and who they believe murdered their parents in revenge? They would have definitely done the math and realized that their series of unfortunate events took less than 40 weeks, safely allowing Olaf to have fathered Beatrice before becoming their guardian. 

You can almost see Violet, Klaus, and Sunny searching Beatrice’s face as she grows up, looking for any similarities or clues as to who her father is. Unfortunately, Beatrice “look[s] very much like her mother” so they might never have come to a conclusion (13.14). But, the fact that even with the ambiguity and doubts the Baudelaires still lovingly raised the possible child of the person who they believe made them an orphan is huge. It shows that VFD’s cycle just might be broken. Unlike Olaf, who wasn’t able to let go of the fact that his parents were murdered by at least one of the Baudelaire’s parents and who let it turn him into a twisted villain, the Baudelaires give Beatrice a family, and they don’t let any doubts get in the way of raising her and loving her. And that flies right in the face of everything that has come before.

Instead of the intergenerational passing down of trauma, abuse, and pain that is a part of VFD and the story as a whole, the Baudelaires stand up and stop the cycle. The Baudelaires did not become like Count Olaf, despite their unfortunate events. The Baudelaires rose above their trauma. 

They directly contradict Olaf’s dying words. Man doesn’t have to hand misery to man, and your parents don’t have to fuck you up. Trauma does not have to be something that’s passed on as an epigenetic trait. You can have a terrible childhood, and you can grow up and make sure that whatever you suffered doesn’t happen to the next generation. This is a major takeaway point from the series. 

The ambiguity over Beatrice’s paternity is essential to the overall arc of ASOUE. It completes the circle, and it is a powerful message. So powerful, in fact, that Handler actually decided he had to include it, even if originally, he hadn’t planned on it. 

Handler has talked about how he had to rework some of TPP because of one throw-away line in TBB. But, he hasn’t talked about how suddenly, between TGG and TPP, Kit became 9 months pregnant.

In the driver's seat was a woman the Baudelaires had never seen before, dressed in a long, black coat buttoned up all the way to her chin. On her hands were a pair of white cotton gloves, and in her lap were two slim books, probably to keep her company while she waited.(11.13)

The Baudelaires can see her lap in TGG - Kit was not in her third trimester when Handler originally penned TGG. But, “her belly had a slight but definite curve” as of TPP (12.1). This is a ret-con, folks. Handler can’t change the fact that he had the Baudelaires be able to look into the car and see that she had two books in her lap instead of resting on top of a very pregnant belly, so he tries to act like nothing happened and hopes the readers won’t notice the contradiction. A woman who is about to give birth would have more than a slight curve, I might add, but that’s not exactly important.

Obviously, Kit being pregnant was vitally important to Handler’s story. So important that he contradicted himself, something that he went to great lengths to avoid doing in the same book. If Beatrice’s father was supposed to be Dewey - a character who was only in one book, who supported the Baudelaires rather than challenged them - then Handler would not have done this. Beatrice wouldn’t have been written in if Dewey was meant to be the obvious father. The Baudelaires raising Dewey’s daughter doesn’t really add anything to the story, and it would present far too small of an arc (just the last two books) to be worth it. 

So why even have Dewey be romantically connected to Kit at all? Why not just not give a candidate for who the father of Kit’s baby is until we see her with Olaf? Well... to quote the show:

ASOUE is filled with mysteries. Handler loves weaving them. He loves giving you a few clues here and there, and sometimes giving you enough clues to solve the puzzle on your own, and other times, he deliberately withholds stuff just because it suits his narrative aesthetic. And a lot of the time, he deliberately misleads or misdirects you. 

When it comes to Dewey and Kit’s relationship, Handler gives us enough to connect the dots, but connecting them isn’t necessarily the right thing to do. While it is entirely possible that Dewey and Kit were sexually involved, it is very important to note that Handler does not actually give us any confirmation that Dewey’s feelings were returned or if he and Kit actually were intimate. Dewey loved Kit, yes, that is a fact, but loving someone is not enough to create a baby with them. That’s not actually how it works, even if a lot of sex talks might want you to think so. 

Kit and Dewey were not living together. If Kit and Dewey were planning to co-parent together as a couple, Kit would not be solely responsible for “[choosing] wallpaper for the baby's room” - they would be choosing it together, but instead, Dewey is still living with his brothers at at the Hotel at all hours (12.2) Further support for this is that were Dewey and Kit together, Frank wouldn’t have to act as a go-between for Kit and Dewey by telling her “my brother sends his regards” (12.2). Dewey would have been able to give Kit his regards himself... and he probably wouldn’t be giving regards. For a couple that’s romantically involved, that sounds incredibly formal! In fact, Kit actually describes Dewey as “a wonderful gentleman” (12.2). A similarly stiff way to refer to someone... not to mention the fact that referring to someone as a gentleman is frequently used in the context of a guy not being to forward or taking advantage of a situation sexually where he could have ignored the woman’s boundaries. It really does sound like Dewey, despite loving Kit after years of working with her, wasn’t actually physically intimate with Kit. Dewey’s love, therefore, seems to have a lot more in common with the courtly love of Dante and Beatrice rather than an erotic love.

That doesn’t mean they weren’t mutually emotionally intimate, creating a very strong bond. Kit was obviously extremely distressed by his death and they did work together for years. But, it’s hard to know if Kit was upset to find out about the death of her child’s father or if she was upset because her friend and everything that they had worked for was gone. Or both. Either one is pretty devastating. 

Olaf in book canon is more likely than not Beatrice’s father, for meta reasons and “in universe” reasons. Olaf being Beatrice’s father is consistent with the textual evidence, whereas the textual evidence does not support Dewey and Kit having a serious or even sexual relationship. The Baudelaires considering the possibility that Olaf is Beatrice’s father is absolutely essential for the meaning of the series. The Baudelaires, who unlike us cannot go back and pick apart the text, have to have their doubts, but they treat Beatrice in a way that the prior generations of VFD could not comprehend. 

So you might wonder, Does Olaf know? Does he consider the possibility for Beatrice being his daughter? For him, the matter might be pretty unambiguous, since he has knowledge that the Baudelaires, Lemony, and us the readers don’t have. Perhaps he knows that she isn’t, perhaps he knows she is, perhaps he doesn’t know one way or the other. Regardless, Olaf doesn’t care. Olaf was more than willing to claim he’d kill Kit and her unborn child at the start of The End, but when it comes down to it, Olaf chooses to suffer a lot of pain, prolonging his death, to help the both of them. Darwin might argue that Olaf being Beatrice’s father takes away the selflessness of the act. But, Darwin would be ignoring Count Olaf’s dying words: “Don’t have kids yourself.” Count Olaf did not want to become a father, but he suffers greatly to ensure that Kit’s child is born. 

That is a noble act. 

You could say it would be more noble if it were Dewey’s daughter, but I disagree. Why would Olaf care whether Dewey’s daughter lived or died? He wouldn’t. Olaf’s act is selfless because Beatrice isn’t Dewey’s daughter. 

On the topic of Netflix, and speculation for the third season: 

Do I think the show is going to go this route... possibly. Though the casting of a younger woman to play Kit and a younger man to play the Denouements makes it seem a little bit less likely that they would go for it. But, I do find it interesting that Netflix deliberately added the cake tasting scene in TBB.

Perhaps it might have just been to foreshadow to complicated relationship between Lemony and Olaf, but, it’s interesting that it’s cake when we know that cake is what Beatrice Snicket wants to bring along with her on the boat to escape the island - "Cake!" shrieked the baby, and her guardians laughed (13.14). 

“Cake” is the only non-babytalk line that Beatrice says, and the fact that Handler chose to have Beatrice love cake of all things not to long after he has Lemony inform of us of the fact that Dewey was able to document twenty-seven cakes “that Olaf has stolen” (12.13). Handler wanted to remind us of just how much Olaf loves cakes just before The End. Sure, he’s not the only character who likes cakes, but it is an interesting choice on Handler’s part, and an interesting choice for Netflix to include that scene.

In about a week, we’ll know what route they decided to take with the Netflix adaptation, but I do believe that they have set up the potential for Beatrice being Olaf’s daughter should they choose to keep Beatrice’s line about cake. 

And there you have it, the meta I have had in my ‘drafts’ for six months because I kept on writing it and scrapping it. 

[redsoapbox]

MY TOP TEN CHRISTMAS MOVIES

Now that December is finally here, the McGrath household can upgrade the nightly Christmas movie from Hallmark seasonal romance to accepted Christmas classic. (Although in admitting defeat on winning the girls over on Miracle on 34th Street - either version) - I have to acknowledge that the list of films that we can all agree on as festive classics is a little shorter than I would like.

Here is my list of top ten Christmas movies -

10. The Santa Clause (1994) - John Pasquin

John Pasquin’s cinematic debut, he had previously worked on numerous T.V. shows including Newhart and Thirtysomething, opens with the risky gambit of having Santa fall to his death from the roof of Scott Calvin’s home. Calvin (Tim Allen), believing his home is being burgled, confronts Santa and startles him into plummeting to his doom. Before you know it, and after much urging from his son Charlie (Eric Lloyd), Calvin has donned the big red suit and his transformation into Santa has begun.

The Santa Clause combines rather broad comedy - there is much fun to be had with Calvin’s overnight weight gain and Charlie’s class presentation on how his Dad is actually Santa - with the usual Christmas sentiment. In this particular case, the healing of Scott’s relationship with Charlie and ex-wife Laura (Wendy Crewson).

A pre-Buzz Lightyear Allen gives a virtuoso performance as the would-be St Nick, and that went a long way to making the film a hit at the box office, spawning two sequels The Santa Clause 2 (2002) and The Santa Clause 3 (2006).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpzB4ubEqIE

9. The Man Who Invented Christmas (2017) - Bharat Nallur

I reviewed this thought-provoking film on how Charles Dickens’ saved Christmas at the time of it’s release -

https://pardontheglueman.tumblr.com/post/169301253898/the-man-who-invented-christmas

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nx3ctBjG6yI

8. Get Santa (2014)  - Christopher Smith

When the always over-generous Empire film magazine only gives a movie two stars, then you know that you are going out on a very thin limb indeed. Still, a lot of what I want from a Christmas movie - a story about redemption, likeable characters with likeable lead actors, a splash of humour, a touch of Christmas magic, and, finally, a guaranteed have-to-make-a-quick-exit-to-the-kitchen-to-compose-myself ending - are all present and correct here. And Get Santa really delivers - like a hard-working postman trudging through six feet of snow on Christmas Eve just to make sure that your Auntie Maureen’s card can take its proper place on your mantelpiece.

Get Santa has a best of British cast too; Rafe Spall as ex-con Steve, Jodie Whittaker as his estranged wife and Jim Broadbent as a banged up Santa. Throw in Stephen Graham, Warwick Davis and Joanna Scanlan and you have the second best cast Christmas movie ever (nothing is ever going to beat Jimmy Stewart, Donna Reed, Lionel Barrymore and Henry Travers in IAWL).

This may be the film on the list that you are most likely to have not seen, so in an effort to shore up support for this selection, I call my star witness - Mark Kermode who had this to say in his three-star Guardian review ‘It’s sweet -natured fare, boosted with spirited comic performances (Broadbent is a particular treat) and served up with plenty of DIY sparkle’.

7. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) - Henry Selick

Tim Burton’s unique vision of Christmas/Halloween is brought to life by Henry Selick, a gifted animator who had worked for Walt Disney Studios and in a freelance capacity before making his name with this masterpiece. I simply didn’t get this on release (my admittedly old-fashioned notion of what constitutes a Christmas movie forming a great big mental road block to a full appreciation of the imagination, visual style, black humour, gothic charm and exquisite pathos on display here), and it was only through a recent viewing with my children as part of our Halloween movie get togethers that I finally saw the light. Jack Skellington (voiced by Chris Sarandon) is a captivating character, brought to life by Danny Elfman’s songs and Selick’s ground breaking animation, and his desperate quest for belonging is one that we can all sympathise with, especially at Christmas. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGiYxCUAhks

6. Remember The Night (1940) - Mitchell Leisen

This is a golden-age of Hollywood classic screwball comedy, starring the legendary Barbara Stanwyck, arguably the greatest comedienne in Hollywood history, Fred MacMurray, arguably the nicest guy in film history (at least until his turn as the murderous Walter Neff in Billy Wilder’s terrific noir Double Indemnity), and penned by arguably the funniest man in film history, Preston Sturges.

James Harvey in his 700-page opus Romantic Comedy in Hollywood (From Lubitsch to Sturges), which is, arguably, the best ever book about Hollywood, reveals that it was the shabby treatment (in Sturges’ not so humble opinion) of his screenplay, and the slow pacing of Leisen’s direction, that drove the screenwriter to extraordinary lengths to gain control of his own movies - basically making a deal with Paramount that he would sell them his next screenplay for a nominal sum of ten dollars as as long as he got to direct the picture. That deal changed movie history, setting the precedent of a writer / director that Orson Welles was soon to follow with Citizen Kane (1941).

The plot is a unique one, not that it truly matters in a Sturges movie, and centres around hardboiled career criminal Lee Leander (Stanwyck) having to choose between spending jail in Christmas or being released into the custody of her prosecuting attorney John Sargant (MacMurray). Hey, I didn’t say it made any sense! Of course, the season works its magic and, hey presto, one reformed criminal later Christmas love is in the air!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKcLcT9dOFk

5. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) - Brian Henson

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is the greatest Christmas story ever written, and arguably the main reason that Christmas in Britain is celebrated in quite the way that it is today (see The Man Who Invented Christmas above). There have been all manner of adaptations down the years, and here it is re-imagined as a vehicle for Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzy and co in a way that works beyond anybody’s wildest expectations.

All the human drama, the pathos, the cry from the heart for social justice that Dickens conveyed in his peerless book survives this, the most unlikely of screen adaptations. Much of the credit must go to Michael Caine, who despite sharing top billing with a bunch of muppets, emerges as a genuine contender for the crown of greatest screen Scrooge. Throw in a script by Jerry Juhl, which has The Great Gonzo as Charles Dickens, narrating his ghostly tale with a straight face, and Paul Williams’ super sing-along songs  “Marley and Marley” “One More Sleep ‘Till Christmas” and “Thankful Heart” , and you have an all time Christmas classic that can be enjoyed by everyone from 1 to 92. Bravo!  

4. ELF -  (2003)  John Favreau

Elf is the Shawshank Redemption of Christmas Movies - no matter who, where  or when you poll an audience, this charmingly comic celebration of Christmas always punches above its weight, getting the better of some very famous films in the process. Elf finished 10th in the IMDB poll for Greatest Christmas Movie and came 2nd in both the Time Out and Radio Times polls. It’s A Wonderful Life always, always comes top, but as someone who is still reeling from Citizen Kane losing first place to Vertigo in Sight and Sound’s celebrated Greatest Movie poll, I can see a time when Elf goes one better too.

Elf has a career-best performance from Will Ferrell, a winningly elfin turn from Zooey Deschanel and a series of fine cameo’s from Bob Newhart, Ed Asner, Faizon Love and Peter Dinklage as “angry” elf Miles Finch to recommend it, but it’s the hard to beat combination of laugh-out-loud set pieces, father and son second chances, and an opposites attract love story to top them all that makes this a genuinely affecting festive treat.

3. A Christmas Carol (1999) - David Jones

Of the umpteen takes on Dickens’ grasping miser, of which Alastair Sim’s turn as Scrooge (1951) is by far the most celebrated, I just prefer Patrick Stewart in this excellent T.V. movie. This may seem a deliberately obscure choice, but that is far from the case. Firstly, there is an A-list cast featuring Richard E Grant, Saskia Reeves, Dominic West and, at the top the bill, Stewart himself. 

As Screen Rant describes it, ‘Stewart plays a far more blunt, bitter and straight forward version of the miser... without feeling maniacal’. In short, he underplays the part, keeping the mugging down to a minimum. The clincher, though, is Stewart’s handling of the scene when he awakes to find it is still Christmas morning and that the spirits have granted him a second chance at life after all. He tries to emit a happy, life-affirming laugh, but is so unused to the sensation that he almost chokes himself. Wonderful stuff! There will be all the usual Scrooges to choose from this Christmas - Sim, George C Scott and Albert Finney amongst them, but the Stewart version will be there somewhere in the middle of the night on ITV3. If you peruse the Radio Times long enough you’ll find it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vviOGFiGrHc

2. Miracle on 34th Street - George Seaton (1947)  &  Les Mayfield (1994)

Okay, a bit of false accounting going on here in grouping the two films together. The original is the better version, but I’ve always loved the re-make too. After all, who can’t bring themselves to believe in Dickie Attenborough as Kris Kringle! Both films are perfectly cast - the romantic leads John Payne and Maureen O’ Hara are convincing enough in the black and white original, but are probably just shaded on the chemistry front by Dylan McDermott and Elizabeth Perkins. The unhappy children are sensationally cast, with Natalie Woods and Mara Wilson coming out even. The unthinkable happens, though, when it comes to the playing of Kris Kringle, because although Dickie scores a fab 9 out of 10 on my Santometer, Edmund Gwenn, who picked up a best supporting actor Oscar for his Kringle, scores a perfect 10.

The Oscar-winning original story, by Valentine Davies, must be known to just about everyone by now - a perfectly nice old man, given to the belief that he is really Kris Kringle, becomes, more by accident than design, Macy’s famous department store Santa. No sooner is he in post, than Kris begins to challenge the corporatisation of Christmas, directing customers to other toy stores all over town, where hard up parents can buy their presents at discount prices. He is about to face the sack, when Macy’s realise that he is a great loss leader for them, prompting arch rivals Gimbles to try and nobble him. Kris is committed to an institution for the insane on cooked up charges, and a battle rages to secure his release by Christmas Eve, so that the children of the world won’t be disappointed on Christmas morning! Each film uses an interesting plot device to allow a judge, desperate not to be seen as the man who gives a court ruling that Santa doesn’t exist, a way out without losing face, and there is a happily romantic final scene to round things off in the accepted festive manner.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibDD8Y3IJrg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCNbTAtD-jU

1. It’s a Wonderful Life - Frank Capra (1946)

I reviewed this seasonal great for Wales Arts Review last Christmas -

https://www.walesartsreview.org/rewatching-its-wonderful-life/

The next best Christmas films - The Bishop’s Wife, Arthur Christmas, A Christmas Story, Christmas in Connecticut

Merry Christmas to all.

[sleepymarmot]

Andromeda liveblog: day one

Spoilers!

Eos/Tempest:

The Vault is beautiful! Even though the moving bridges, just like the floating rocks on Habitat 7, are blatantly copy-pasted from Trespasser.

Drack said the fight was fun. Of course it was -- that was the first time I used Annihilation/Charge/Nova!

Military or science -- how is that even a question? :D

Even back in the trial, I instantly became fond of the Tempest crew, in a way different from the Normandy. Not bound by the blood they spilled together -- but a team of nerds and people taking care of those nerds, pretty much. Feels more like the Enterprise!

What helps is that there's already a net of relationships between everyone -- I was thinking about it when Drack was revealed to be Kesh's father and talked about their problems with Tann and their relationship with Vetra. The Nexus backstory really gives depth to this game.

I didn't expect this, but I actually do like Peebee! Since her first trailer appearance, I've been annoyed with her -- obligatory asari LI, shitty design with a sexualized outfit and eyebrows, manic pixie dream girl-ish image -- but her personality won me over. She's a bit similar to my Ryder, and they clicked instantly -- two young, energetic explorers. And she doesn't seem too quirky so far, just a very extroverted nerd. And she has something nice to say about everyone on the ship!

You know, I've been wishing for a romance with a nerdy but genuinely nice person (unlike a certain elf...) and looks like I have not one but two -- and female! -- options here! :D 

The first flirt option with Peebee is good, the second is not.

Ah yes, a readheaded religious wlw written by the same person as Leliana... Look, Leliana is special to me, but this is just annoying. Maybe because Leliana is special.

Another convo with Vetra: "Someone had to know" "Did your father?" "I'm not sure" LOOK THE CONFIRMATIONS JUST KEEP ROLLING IN

Oh, here comes the flirt option I've seen on Youtube! I feel a bit awkward hitting on both of them repeatedly... Will I, on my seventh Bioware game, finally encounter a jealousy conversation?

Peebee has attractive personality, but Vetra's fashion style is obviously superior.

*looks at Liam's handsome face, sighs and stops herself from hitting the heart because that'd be a bit too much*

Nexus/Hyperion:

I love that Tann is the only real politician around, and everybody won't stop complaining about him, even though he's completely benign :D

It's a great feeling that doing sidequests is completely justified this time. In this game, it's literally my job to fly around and ensure random strangers' wellbeing! Oh look, someone on Reddit made a post appreciating this too.

"Your father is my problem. He's everyone's problem. We're all paying for Alec Ryder's ego. He preyed on Jien Garson's trusting nature and bulldozed us to this godforsaken place" !!! More evidence!! (Random angry woman on the Hyperion)

This is a great way to introduce flashbacks! And to reveal information gradually.

SAM is basically the third Ryder child, huh.

The camera angle and lighting in SAM's room is one of the most flattering in the game.

I'm glad we're actually giving spotlight to the transhumanism theme, unlike with Shepard...

Or maybe SAM is Ellen's reincarnation somehow? It's clear Alec somehow intended to save her with it, but how? I'm genuinely enjoying this mystery. Alec sure has a lot of character and presence, especially for a character with so little actual screentime... You can see his shadow over the entire story.

There's some nice animation at Scott's bedside!

"Is dad okay?" Shit. Shit. Now that's a choice...

(I mean, what she's saying will turn out to be true, hopefully...)

I didn't lie about Habitat 7, though. That's not as important.

Holy crap, that was an emotional scene.

I like Garson's Super Ethical VI Interview.

Professor Gerik in the lab on Nexus has a letter about us being invasive species and preserving local biodiversity! That's nice. (But on the other hand, we'd endanger it just as much if the Scourge hadn't done it first.)

Female Salarians look like male Salarians and sound like female humans. I should just learn to live with the fact that there'll be no real Salarian voices in this galaxy... Ugh.

Ahh Drack is visiting Kesh!!

Have I mentioned how fond I am of our new council/advisors? Kandros is a bit bland, but the other three are great.

30 minutes after I said that SAM is like another sibling to Ryder, he got infected with a virus. Give this family a break!

Of course the hackers were wrong etc, but the things hacked!Avina says are still absolutely correct...

BTW I chose to unfreeze merchants first -- to get the bigger inventory. Ugh, the lack of inventory was one of my favourite things about ME2 and ME3...

I had to read a walkthrough for "Station Sabotage"...

I like the design of Zara's face.

The Nexus sidequests are all about intrigue and investigation! Just like the main one about Alec, and the characters' backstories related to the uprising. Nice. I feel like a detective. It really gives the game a unique feel.

The saboteur has a good face too. And another sympathetic voice re: the uprising.

Tempest

Cora the gardener!

Damn, that speech about acceptance sure sounds like she's not talking about biotics... Why is she straight, Bioware?

Poor Cora. I can only continue to admire her ability to not hold grudges -- something that impressed me about her when Ryder became the Pathfinder.

It's so cute that the crew members have a group chat, have I mentioned? Really makes the ship look alive.

Vetra, Peebee, Gil and Liam are chatting like old friends! And the fact that they're playing poker reminds me of the Enterprise even more.

Eos

A timed mission to save colonists... with driving... I was so nervous!

FUCK I can't figure out this Fiend fight

I died like four times already what the fuck

Why can't I charge?! What do you mean "wrong target"?!

Also autosave glitches me through the floor every goddamn time!

Died about 8 times, I'm going to replace Peebee with Drack and turn down the difficulty

Oh thank fuck, this time it worked.

*can't find the evidence in the cave* *fast travel back to the start three or four times, get stuck on rocks*

Oh, here it is. Yeah, I enjoy playing detective, but I'd like less bugs!

I died and the game got stuck on reload

Alright, some sidequests are in the level 3 radiation zone which I don't know how to clear, and I can't find the bodies of the dead colonists. It got boring anyway. Back to the ship!

Tempest

Gil sends me an e-mail mentioning Jaal, whom I haven't even met...

Kallo's still arguing with Gil -- I'm pretty sure there's something going on he's not noticing... Nobody else has anything new to say. Let's advance the plot, then.

New solar system/Tempest/Nexus

Whoa, I didn't expect things to get so intense immediately!

Sooo, are you going to explain how the angara got the translators working within several minutes?

Are you trying to tell me the kett and the angara aren't related, despite having exactly the same faces?

Jaal's cape flapping is mesmerizing.

I don't understand, why is everyone being so weird and unprofessional?? Instead of opening normal diplomatic talks, they stand in a circle and say shit about Jaal in his presence. Why the hell are they being so entitled? If the angara help us, of course we need to offer something in return.

Liam, what movie night?! We're kind of busy!

Well, at least Jaal isn't going to let me exhaust all conversation topics in one go! :D

"I LIVE IN AN ESCAPE POD" :D

Stop! Prompting! Me! To! Flirt! With! Gil! Two different times in the same conversation -- what??

Okay, by this point I'm pretty sure that the poker mentions are not just a coincidence but a deliberate reference to TNG. 

When will I have enough materials for an asari sword? Maybe a quick trip to the Nexus will help. *immediately gets buried under sidequests*

What, you don't have laws for attempted murder? That has never happened in the entire history of Milky Way? Bioware sure likes to create a complex situation then make you decide between two extremes. I let the turian stay, but I'm not impressed.

What, and they didn't even tell the public what really happened? Ugh.

Pacified the protesters successfully.

Was prepared to go and realized I forgot one sidequest on the Nexus, went back... I need to stop doing this! It's ruining all momentum.

Havarl (not sure about the spelling)

Main plot again, here we go!

Oops, clicked on the wrong button and now my team still has Vetra instead of Peebee.

Nice scenery.

Okay, it's stupid to leave the planet just to swap squadmates, but it's even stupider to explore this planet without Peebee.

Oh right, there is a spot here for a forward station. (Don't the angara mind?)

There's an entire alien jungle, and nothing is scannable? Really?

@myself stop fucking dying... how am I supposed to fight enemies I don't see without any reasonable cover...

Oh, right, this is normal water, not the Deadly Electric Water. That's a relief, at least.

Oh look, normal cover, I can use my ranged powers like an adept/sentinel I intended to be instead of novaguarding.

Spent like half an hour trying to find a way towards the forward station mark on the east, gave up. This Pathfinder isn't very good at finding paths...

Let's find the gay turian Pathfinder!

What am I going to do with all this nickel? These aren't the materials I'm looking for, Bioware

And finally, after exploring everything else -- the Monolith!

This happened again: the profiles refuse to switch mid-fight. WTF???

"Follow the Remnant river?" You mean, what I've done an hour before? I sure hope the Remnant didn't respawn...

So the Remnant are Order and the Scourge is Chaos? I see we've arrived to witness an existential struggle of cosmic forces...

Why are my companions so useless during exploration? They don't give advice, they don't even have banter like in DA.

Oh GREAT, a jumping puzzle, and in the dark too.

I must say, the design is really beautiful, they nailed the intersection of "Alien", "Ancient" and "Powerful" here. Though I'm salty because it's just a sci-fi variation of the ancient elven design from DAI, which means DA4 won't be able to use it probably.

Nice view! @people with powerful PCs, please photograph these things for the rest of us!

Novaguarding+shotgun (only a Katana!) is so powerful I don't feel the need to do anything else...

We're nearly at the top and there's a health pack. I better save...

The plot thickens!

Oh. Is THIS the forward station I've been looking for? No wonder I didn't find it lmao. They should have just covered it in fog...

Why are shields so much harder to take down than armor? Ugh, that boss. At least on the second try I managed to kite him...

Yes, I climbed the column. Whatever. I got some Vanadium! Finally, I need it for my asari sword.

Oh, okay, THIS is the forward station from above. OK.

One of the enemies I had to defeat in a camp got stuck somewhere and I had to run around for 10 minutes before I found him, except I didn't even see him and he apparently died when I approached, but idk how it happened.

I met the reincarnated dude. And that's enough for today.