#romance repulsed aro culture

[aro-culture-is]

Romance-repulsed aro culture is being told how "funny" it would be if someone came along and completely changed your mind on everything.

No, it really wouldn't.

ew

[unrestrainedbalderdash]

Sex-repulsed asexuals and romance-repulsed aromantics deserve £100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 for everything

[officeobject]

Rags to ritches, I'm getting platonic bitches.

[citnamora]

Growing up is realizing you don't hate shipping, you just really wish the execution of it was less amatonormative

[romance-repulsed-culture-is]

romance repulsed aro culture is feeling isolated from the rest of the aromantic community because apparently you’re a minority within a minority… it’s also never quite knowing how to cope

(and I’m not ace, so that’s just another level of isolation that’s hard to ignore)

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[shiutsu]

It always feels like that,especially when they're denying all the facts you've stated.

[transgenderism-horror]

Sorry but in what world kinky aces are more validated in the ace community

[canonically47]

Now I'm curious. What do you think is and isn't an appropriate shipping age gap? (not mad, just curious) Like, how many years before it becomes icky?

well it also depends on the age range. let’s go with minors first

i think the minimum required to start dating should be something like 14, i feel like anything below that is just. crazy

14-15, 15-16, 16-17, 17-18 are i think the appropriate gaps. like that’s your maximum/minimum (goes both ways) this is just because i cannot see myself dating someone two years older and especially younger than me. i AM aro but i still find it weird. i guess the maximum is two years, so 14-16, 15-17, 16-18 is the maximum i’m willing to go in both reality and fiction

so now with adults...

18 - max i’m willing to ship them with is 21 (goes both ways)

19 - 22

once we’re in 20 territory i think we can expand that up to four years (questionable) so 20-24, 21-25, 22-26, 23-27 but tbh this is still pushing it to me. so when you have ships like 22-28 i’m out of there

30s are more loose, 5-6 years are okay-ish. in no way am i gonna pair up someone in their 30s with someone 18-20, mid 30s with mid 20s, late 30s with late 20s. so even tho dan x alec is legal for example, i’m still icky on it

i don’t really do much shipping from this age forward bc usually adult couples are already established and i roll with them, which is the reason i’m meh on some ships including adults, but like whatever we like middle age yaoi and yuri here

so 40s and 50s can fw each other, and then we can get crazy with 10+ years from 50s forward idk thats not my business

TL;DR - minors should be shipped with those around two years their own age, 20s go with 20s, 30s go with 30s, 40s+ do whatever idc

[aro-culture-is]

aro romance repulsed culture is being forever mad bc one of ur favorite characters tags is just like 80% people shipping them with other characters

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[altschmerzes]

i meant less the inability for people to tag their shit correctly and more the constant crush of hyper-emphasis on romantic shipping, normalized and extreme amatonormativity ('there's no platonic explanation for this' 'if you think they aren't in love you're delusional/lying/stupid/etc' 'WHO would do x for a mere FRIEND' etc), harassment of people who don't like certain ships or ships at all, harassment of people who request politely but firmly that people don't make ship based commentary on their fanworks (which i and people i know have repeatedly personally experienced), the expectation that anyone and everyone is in fandom because they enjoy and want to engage in romantic shipping, etc etc etc tbh. it's a constant and inescapable background noise of 'the main/only point of fandom is romantic shipping and if you disagree you're weird/a prude/a mood killer' and even people who are cool about it tend to constantly make 'aren't they so in love' comments about two characters who made eye contact or stood in the same room to whoever happens to be nearby. there is no consideration of whether it is the appropriate time or place for romantic commentary, and the idea of someone having boundaries around that is considered antithetical to the entirety of fandom's existence.

so like, yeah, i've enjoyed cool aspec stuff and qpr representation as well, but the problems that i deal with trying to exist in fandom spaces that prompted me to make this post are so, so much more than just inaccurate tagging (which ALSO drives me nuts, but is just one of Many problems) and aren't ameliorated by the existence of qpr fic (which i love but people make a lot of really weird amatonormative and aphobic commentary about) and 'cool aspec stuff' (see previous).

if you are aromantic and have Tried To Exist In Fandom Spaces you may be entitled to financial compensation-

[officeobject]

That moment when it used to be "this but platonically" to love songs, but now it's "this but platonically" to sad break-up songs.

[arolesbianism]

Sigh. It begins (being forced to see the worst aro hcs I've ever seen in my life because ppl have a talent for finding the absolute worst characters to be their token aro hc)

[romance-repulsed-culture-is]

Romance repulsed culture is struggling to even connect with your aro firends because they are romance favorable/ hopeless romantics. (No shade I love my friends but I just wish I could like... Not feel left out of the conversation when it inevitably turns to shipping 😭)

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[entropy-sea-system]

Hate when ppl are shitty abt pda..

[nekropsii]

Wild how when I call Shipping Culture oppressively pervasive and awful for any Aro/Ace with the gall to enjoy anything on the Internet, I get called a Fun-Hating Killjoy and told to just shut the fuck up or off myself, no matter how mild or polite my comment is. Wild how when I say a character either is textually Aro/Ace or is easier to read as Aro/Ace than Alloromantic/sexual, people start talking down to me like I'm a child who doesn't know anything, saying "Friendly reminder that Aro(s)/Aces can Date/Have Sex too, just like us Normal People!". As if I don't know anything about my own identity. Wild how when I do either of these things or even just say I'm not into a pairing or uninvested in shipping in general people call me fucking homophobic, even if the (at least popularly perceived - let's be honest, people are wrong half the time) genders of the characters is never once made relevant. Even though their reasoning for me being homophobic is lack of investment in a gay pairing they like, and nothing more. Wild how people throw little baby tantrums at even the gentlest criticism of Shipping Culture, or someone choosing not to engage heavily in it. Wild how they have the audacity to ask, with hostility, what the fuck Aro(s)/Aces are talking about when they say Shipping Culture is hostile to Aro/Ace fans, or ask what's wrong with them when they say that they aren't into Shipping.

It's almost like Bigots don't realize they're being Bigots when they do Bigotry, so just saying you're not a Bigot isn't enough. It's almost like Aro/Ace people know what the hell they're talking about. It's almost like we have a fucking point. It's almost like we're valid in expressing contempt and frustration with the constant expectation to engage with Romance and Sexuality at every waking moment, even if we're Romance and/or Sex Favorable. It's almost like we're tired of getting our identities erased, and we're tired of expecting to "act normal", and we're tired of just taking it when Allos use the Favorable members of our communities as a scapegoat for why they should be allowed to totally erase any of our representation just for their "Harmless Queer Fun" - deliberately, and I mean DELIBERATELY, failing to recognize or acknowledge the character's orientation, and how an A-Spec's personal relationship with and expressions of Love are going to look drastically different from an Allo person's - and call us the Bigots when we even glance in the direction of objection.

It's almost like Allo/Amatonormativity are oppressive forces.

Alloromantics/sexuals are constantly looking for any reason they can to call Aro(s)/Aces unloving, unfeeling, frigid, soulless, cruel. Inhuman. They're looking for any reason they can to call us whiny children, stupid, people who "just haven't found the right one", addressing us only as "Works in Progress", or someone who can have their sexuality corrected with the right stimulus - Conversion Therapy and Corrective Rape are okay when it happens to us, after all. Any reason at all to call us heartless monsters. AlloAces are confused children. They can be fixed. AroAllos are manipulative, unfeeling sexual predators. They can't be fixed - just kill them. AroAces are frigid, mean bitches. They can be fixed. God forbid you're Aplatonic. God forbid you're part of the Repulsed spectrum. God forbid you're one of the Loveless. God forbid you hold any pride in your identity, God forbid you don't keep your mouth shut, God forbid you critique the overinflated importance Allos place onto Love as a concept. God forbid you critique something as asinine and juvenile as fucking Shipping Culture. Do any one of these and you've put a bright red, blazing neon target on your back.

Wild how the only real humans amongst us are the Romance, Sex, and Friendship Favorable who put their head down and mask as Allo, and side with the Allos when their fellow A-Specs get too loud for the comfort of their Allo friend's delicate little fee-fees. After all, Vitriol and Harassment are warranted when an Allo's feelings get slightly hurt that an Aro person says, on their own account, to no one in particular, that they're sick of every tag being 80% Shipping Content. Which is a vehemently evil personal attack, clearly.

Wild.

[genderkoolaid]

i haven't really been able to figure out yet if i'm aro in some kind of way. i feel like i'm "romance-repulsed" but i'm not relationship-repulsed? i like being in a relationship if it's basically best friends. and maybe there's a commitment there. and sex? but Romance i don't want any part of. is committed relationship = romance? i don't actually know. maybe i'm just autistic lol.

i know you can "do romance" in all kinds of ways but a lot of what is designated as Romantic or Romance i don't want any part of and it kind of makes me want to shrivel up. i've had people tell me this isn't aro and others who tell me it is.

Being romance-repulsed but still wanting some kind of relationship is totally normal! I'm pretty much the exact same way.

Aside from the general difficulties of figuring out whether or not you don't feel something, romance is highly culturally defined. And, on top of that, alloros tend to get VERY uncomfortable when you start talking about being aro, especially if you also feel sexual attraction. And this results in them allo-splaining to you how every feeling you have is actually secretly romance and aromanticism basically doesn't exist.

If you feel uncomfortable or annoyed with a certain thing because of its assocation with romance, that's a sign of romance repulsion. For me, I realized that my personal distaste for certain fanfiction tropes was because they were so extremely, undeniably romantic, and I felt it was unrealistic and intrusive. But I also like kissing and hand-holding and dates, as long as I know the other person knows it's not romantic. Romance repulsion looks different for everyone.

If the term "aromantic" helps you understand yourself, and connect with a community you find affirming, then you can call yourself aro/arospec. Even if your aromanticism is influenced by other things, like neurodivergence. "Doing things seen as romantic makes me want to shrivel up even though I still enjoy relationships" is a very aro experience.