#rm entry

[kashians]

KaSh AR: Dr Shubhankar and Dr Kirti sneaks unto Dr Shashank and Sister Padma Episode 072 [Part 2]

[asukaapologist4life]

Oh, how my body aches. I have to wash blood out from under my nails again. If there exists no god to punish me, I shall do it myself.

[allthingsprincess]

i have plans i cannot share right now but will be revealed shortly

[imnotalive420]

Diary entry nr.2

Hi, guys it's me, again.

I am so sick of myself, I dont want to be concious, like i want to live bcs i dont rly like the thought of flat out kms but i hate being a human.

All my choices are bad ones and always end up biting me in the ass so FML.

Sometimes i wonder if i even have a single soul out there who will ever bother to check in on me. If i die, would anyone care? Someone probably will, ngl. Not that i am special from anyone else on this earth, im just saying i wont act all "Oh, no one cares abt me and i am soooo misrable and i cant live with myself and n o one would care abt me if i died, i would just be forgotten." like, wtv dude get over yourself, someone will care.

I feel like most of the people att school would stop saying shit about me...Or they would just keep calling me emo and shit and would probably just be even more annoying, they would make me roll in my grave. Actually, I dont really like the thought of being burried, idk creamation sounds nice? But im not completly opposed to it, it kinda phillosophical if you think abt it. Like, your phisical body being given back to earth while your soul roams around but can always come back to its home (the grave if it wasn't clear enough). Was that deep? I feel like it is, but if i ever expressed this my friends would never understand, they would be like "Ehhh, okay Smokey wtv you say buddy"

I dont even remeber how i started writing about that, anyway.

If someone is reading this, hi! Pls follow me, we could talk or wtv (Just be cool). I might be a bit akward though.

Anyway, i just want to get this off of my chest, I have these really scary dreams, I usually wake up and its a normal morning. I feel very heavy, in my arms you know? The strange thing about these dreams is that it never occurs to me that i can look down. Anyway, i make my way to school succesfully, and when i get there i am faced with teachers and students shoving, making fun of me and pulling my hair. Strangest part is that they start pushing me towards the toilets, finally i start walking by myself and my arms feel even heavier than before and i am about to pass out. I walk inside the stall, I sitt on the floor and i finally look down and see my arms bleeding, its a lot but i worsen it if you know what I mean.

Im scared of sleeping, i dont want it to get bad.

[pinkies-blogs-blog]

Tw: s3lf h@rm

So my boyfriend wasn't really my boyfriend he just used me how the fuck am I supposed to feel? You just left me for your boyfriend how the fuck am I supposed to let go of you?! I can't!!!! That's because I love you you idiot if I didn't I wouldn't have cared this much for you like ever!

I wish I was gone cause I don't feel love anymore I'm going truly numb and drained.

It's like if I scream no one will ever fucking hear me!

I can't regress because I looked up to him as my caregiver. My friends said it's not my fault and he made himself look bad which is yes fucking true but I can't get him off my mind goddamn it. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't regress, I can't do anything without thinking of the pain right now. We broke up 4 or 5 days ago can't remember but wtf bro I cared and loved you a lot!

Im single so yeah that's fucking fine I get sick seeing couples being in love and sweet to each other when I can't experience a single good moment with a boy cause they leave me or cheat on me! I'm a nice girl what the fuck do You want me to do? To change? I can't I'm so sweet!

I have empathy I'm loving wtf did I do wrong?

Urgh I didn't eat yet don't plan on it either :(

I'm fine guys just had to clear up my feelings somewhere.

[my-ch3mic4l-imb4l4nc3]

Ps: happy anniversary One Direction.

23.07.2024

sorry for my handwriting im usually neater, but im not feeling good lately (im using china ink and a feather pen to write also). writing as a way not to kms rn.

in another news this last four days ive had hey there delilah stuck in my head someone please help me.

[idk-why-imhere]

major (and concerning) life update

tw: daddy issues, sh, *attemps*

so, today was all cool and normal... until tonight. there's this girl ik (we're gonna call her A). A and me have been friends for like our whole lives, basically. now... her mom died last year and her dad was never rlly present and he's an old ass bitch with a comunist mindset. she's now in his care. okay, she hates him, I hate him, we all hate him but thing is, her mental is fucking spiraling and I'm starting to get concerned and slightly controlling. she started to sh which isn't great, if it ain't obvious. thing is: I care ab her. I do, she's great but I don't want her being in pain and shit. and she's concerning me even more bc she asked if she should even eat breakfast tmrr... she's starting to become just like another friend of ours (let's call her zizi). zizi is depressed and suicidal and she pinky promised she won't attempt again and I talked with A and it's not getting exactly better. there's progress but she relapsed. (zizi, I mean)

also, A does gymnastics and that shit is like ballet: leaves you with fucking trauma. her mental is spiralling cuz of that too and her dad doesn't wanna pull her out and told the instructor about how A doesn't like getting yelled at... what did they do? higher a therapist. and who is this therapist? THE GRANDMA OF A GIRL THAT'S I THAT GYMNASTICS CLUB. LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FLYING CLUCKING FUCK. and A messaged me that she might sh again tonight so, ofc, I'll check her wrists tmrr. now, I was suspecting her cuz I saw the cuts and they were a little too fimiliar bc zizi started sh like 2 years ago. now, I know they look a lil suspicious but I didn't say anything until she came clean ab it and, on 28 may, she has a breakdown about her life. I'm scared for her. and yk the voices? yh, they getting louder for her. it got to a point once where she couldn't even shower without supervision bc she'd drown herself.

and ik I'm oversharing a lot and ik I should do that and that this is a sensitive topic but I can't js not keep this on log.

as of what ik right now, A has ab 4 cuts on her left wrists and zizi started again and her left wrist is full. A has been clean for ab 4 days... or hours, I ain't even sure.

[mistressexe]

ENTRY ONE

Am i really that shallow?

That you think I'd be depressed and suicidal over such trivial things as not being able to afford a PS5 or being able to travel world?

...

WOW... Here I thought you of all people understood me... Geuss I was dreaming all a long... It's oky all good dreams must end eventually... right?

[the-dark-lord-writes]

Cock it.

Shove it in my mouth.

Pull the trigger.

Stain the wall with my pain.

- out of my journal

[basicallymydiary09]

Saturday 18/3/23

10:38 pm

I forgot my notes password so now I have lost 3 months worth of my feeling. Anyway today we went to the festival and (Cousins name) was there and the whole time the only thing she said to me was that I could use her hair tie, like we were meant to be close but the whole time her and che were together. She even bought both of my brothers lunch while I had to babysit. I just wanted a relationship with my cousin but ever since the “tiktok” incident (i outed my self) happened she hasn’t been talking to me at all. Even at the dentist she was so awkward with me like she was gonna catch something off me. I have a feeling she told (My brothers name) to bc even he was acting weird. I felt so fat today especially when I was near (my cousins name) bc she is so skinny, I wish I was skinny but I’m not. I’m fucking fat and weigh 83kj. I think my ED is coming back bc I felt weird eating today I even took my pills without eating (was a bad idea) I just don’t like food anymore. Anyways I’m still getting SH thoughts but I have no one to talk to or about bc they will just judge me, like when mum said she was gonna tell dad I was SH again when I was 3 months clean, ever since then everything went down hill with my mental health after the first one. In beautiful boy it says that relapses is a part of recovery but I don’t feel like I have recovered. I still wanna kms all the time, I still wanna starve then binge. i feel so fucked up all the time

[cedar2bug]

Journal entry

Loneliness is eating me alive even though I’m surrounded by people who say we are friends only to leave me behind until they have a problem and need to talk.

[kashians]

KaSh AR: Dr Shubhankar and Dr Kirti sneaks unto Dr Shashank and Sister Padma Episode 072 [Part 1]

[rogueraccoon]

Red

the red flowers bloom on my wrists and thighs

they grow from the tears that come from my eyes

i try to stay clean so i don’t bring shame

there’s nobody here i can blame

i am a weak little girl

watching the grotesque red flowers unfurl

i know in my heart i am weak

my future feels so bleak

there’s nothing i can do

so i’ll sit and wait for you

[whennoonelistenstalktothestars]

really fighting not to cut 🙃

[livingisboring]

Life is getting harder. I don't feel happy anymore. I don't want to c√t myself again but I'm thinking about it more and more lately.

Food is ruining my life. Everything. But maybe it's my fault too. I'm ruining my life thinking about food. My own life.

It's so stupid.

[suesheretoo]

$h scars healing is such a weird feeling, they are supposed to be there but they aren’t and all you want to do is just place them back. You know its better not. You can be the happiest you’ve ever been and all you want to do is add more. -Sue