#rip to the random thoughts and ideas I saved in my drafts that are gone-you were probably mediocre but still

[hitwiththetmnt]

FINALLY-tumblr has been low key broken for me for a bit

Nothing major, but it was undoing certain things I would do. Inbox still gets wonky once in a while but whose doesn’t

BUT I AM FREE

[something-fanfiction-ie]

Rough Drafts

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: Explicit descriptions of a murder scene, argument, angst, and cursing.

A/N: Okay, so I know I said I was gonna publish this yesterday but I got Cassandra Clare’s newest book and I couldn’t put it down. I seriously love that lady. Omg. Anyways, it’s here now! And it’s angsty! And there’s gonna be a fourth part soon I promise! For real. Don’t forget to reblog, comment, send me an ask or a message and overall just adore me so that I may continue to feel good about myself. As always thank you for supporting me and I hope you enjoy!!!

[ Part One | Part Two ]

___

An incredulous laugh bursts from your lips, your nails cutting crescent moons into the palms of your hands as you try and convince yourself that this isn’t actually happening.

“Do you have alibis for your whereabouts on Monday, June eighth, Saturday, June thirteenth, and Thursday, June eighteenth?” Spencer can see your leg bouncing rapidly under the table, your eyes flying over the pictures and the expression of Emily Prentiss. You seem genuine, but he can’t trust himself to get an accurate read of you anymore.

“I, uhm, I- I wouldn’t know off the top of my head. I keep a planner, I’ll forget things otherwise.” The burst of iron in your mouth is not something you’re unused to, having chewed your cheek so badly that the skin there has broken under your teeth.

“We’ll need to see that.” Emily isn’t sure whether or not she believes that you’re guilty, watching the way you seem to unravel before her. When you look at the crime scene photos, it isn't with any pleasure, but with disgust. Your nose wrinkles a little at the bridge and you keep looking away as the blood from your face starts to drain. 

Either you’re a really good actress or you aren’t the unsub.

Emily says as much as she flips through the small teal planner that you’d willingly given them. Due dates for chapters, publishing events, book signings and days for book tours fill most of the pages in your most neat handwriting. Dates you plan to go visit your mother, grocery shop, doctor’s appointments, even plans to go somewhere and write.

Everything is explicitly stated, that way you’re never unsure of what you meant to tell yourself. That is, until around three weeks ago when a handful of days are notated with an ‘S,’ followed by a random doodle. Sometimes it’s a tiny heart drawn absentmindedly while you discuss the plans over the phone, other times it’s a cartoon bunny or a top hat.

Garcia is the first to take notice of it, her fingers faltering in their constant thrum against the keyboard in front of her. She glances out of the side of her glasses, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

“Looks like lonely girl found herself a boo.” 

“That makes sense,” JJ says from the chair she’s pulled into Penelope’s office from the bullpen. A pen is stretched between her hands, her posture relaxed into the curve of the stiff, government-issued rolly chair.

All the girls have gathered into the tech analyst’s room while the men take turns interrogating you. Well, all except Spencer. He just stands behind that window watching your every move with eyes like a hawk. “What doesn’t make sense is why she keeps it secret even in her personal planner.”

“Maybe she has a stalker? That could be who is doing all this?” 

“Then she wouldn’t keep careful notation of everything else going on in her life. A stalker would follow her every move, not just her romantic interests. Even if he is in love with her.”

“A partner, maybe? Like the days they planned the murders or days they were acted out?”

“None of the days line up with the crimes, save for this one,” Emily leans the book toward the two women with her finger just underneath June fifth, the day Alison Crane was abducted from outside her campus dorm room. It’s the third ‘S’ scribbled into the corner of a day in the entire book.

“And there is nothing else written in relation to this ‘S’ character?” JJ shakes her head, looking for any clues that could be nestled among the loops and curls of your writing. Reid would be better at this, he was the graphology expert among them. So why wasn’t he back here helping?

“Then I guess we better try and get her to talk about it. Meanwhile Garcia, we’ll get Rossi and Reid to head over to her apartment and you can hack into her computer?” Penelope spins the chair, a flash of bright colors and blond hair. She clicks her tongue in response, throwing up a fingers gun and winking.

“Whatever you need me to do, I’m on it like sexy on Derek Morgan stepping out of the shower in a towel.”

After some arguing, and maybe just a little bit of pleading, they manage to convince Reid to join Rossi on a trip to your apartment. He can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable, standing in your living room. Not because he’d been here before, but because he’d never been here before.

The empty mugs that litter every surface, smelling of old coffee and your favorite coffee creamer (he only knows it’s your favorite because you explicitly ask for that creamer at every coffee shop the two of you have ever gone to), is unfamiliar to him. He’s invited you to his apartment at least three times. How come he had never been to yours?

Small pages and notebooks of scribbled ideas and dialogues cover just as many areas as the coffee cups do, your handwriting messy and cramped in every note. It’s almost like you couldn’t get the idea out of your head fast enough.

The bed in your room is meticulously made without a wrinkle in sight, but that could be because of the obvious bed you’ve made yourself along the salmon pink couch that stretches out in front of your TV. A multicolored crochet blanket is thrown haphazardly over the back, a pillow still slightly squished against the arm.

On the coffee table is a half opened laptop, a notebook with red and black ink scribbled in the lines, and a still full cup of coffee. Rossi makes quick work of calling Garcia and helping her get patched into your computer. It’s strange, watching her move the mouse on your screen from miles away.

Reid never stops moving, walking the length of your studio apartment with his eyes peeled for any kind of information he could find. It’s obvious that you spend most of your time in the main room, which houses the kitchen, a small dining area, and the living room. A door leading into your room branches off to a small bathroom which is just as disorganized as everything else in your house.

Hair products, skin washes, and all kinds of makeup are scattered across the sink and back of your toilet. It’s funny because every time he’s ever met up with you, you’re bare faced and your hair is still drying from the shower you took before leaving your house. The tube of lipstick he picks up makes him think he doesn’t really know you at all.

On the nightstand in your room is a bottle of water with the label ripped off and the two Rossi books you’d bought that fateful day in the bookstore. The label from the water bottle is stuck between the middle pages of one of the books. The passages in question don’t lend anything to connecting you as a homicidal maniac, let alone a serial killer.

Back in the living room, Garcia is snooping through every aspect of your computer.

“I don’t know whether or not the be freaked out by her web history. There’s a lot of murder-y questions here. ‘Signs of a post mortem amputation,’ ‘How much blood can you lose and still live?,’ ‘Most brutal ways to be killed.’ It’s creepy.” Rossi is flicking through the notebook from the table, his eyes squinted as he tried to make sense of the abbreviations and scribblings of another writer.

“She writes crime novels so it isn’t entirely strange for her to be looking at those types of things.” Thankfully, the defense of your web search history comes from the older man who looks up as Garcia delves deeper and deeper. Spencer had thought it first, but hadn’t said anything to avoid suspicion. He’s smart enough to know that the truth has to come out eventually, but he wants to be sure of your innocence (or guilt, he reminds himself a bit glumly) before he reveals your link to him.

“I’m not seeing anything she could be using to contact a partner unless her partner is one of the publishing people she’s constantly messaging via email.” At this Spencer stops, leaning against the back of the couch with his weight resting on the heels of his hands. The stance appears relaxed. He is anything but.

“Why do we assume she has a partner?” Reid asks, impatiently pushing a stray curl away from his face. Rossi glances at him curiously, otherwise undistracted from the shake the movement gives the couch.

“Oh, Prentiss, JJ, and I were looking through her little teal book earlier and the only thing not explicitly stated was just the letter ‘S.’ It’s why they came back to interrogate and they sent you guys to her house. I thought they told you.”

Spencer wants to beat his head against the wall.

“That isn’t a lead, Garcia. You have to tell them that ‘S’ isn’t her partner.” The mouse on the computer screen falters, several saved documents for different rough drafts of books or drabbles are pulled up the way you might have papers scattered about in front of you.

“What is it? Do you know who ‘S’ is?” Rossi is turned sideways on the couch, looking over the back and up at the distressed man in front of him. It doesn’t take him long to connect the dots when they make eye contact. Penelope impatiently whines over the phone.

“I’m ‘S,’ I’ve been seeing her for the last three weeks. I’m sure if you tell me the dates then every single one of them will be days that we’ve had plans together.”

“I’m sorry, what?!” Before anyone has the chance to say anything else, the door to Garcia’s office opens and a second voice filters through Rossi’s phone speaker. It’s JJ.

“Let Reid and Rossi know there’s just been another murder.”

This time it’s a fifteen year old girl. Her hair is black and wet, her lips are as blue as the sky, and she’s naked. Water droplets from her skin have soaked into the sheet of paper that was layed over her chest. The bathtub she’s in is completely empty, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that she was drowned there. The bruises on her shoulders from the force the unsub used to pin her down are dark against the contrast of her already pale skin.

...The man leaned over the tub, his eyes squinted in thought and his lips skewed a little to the side. Ryder stayed focused on the crime scene, for the most part. But even detectives of her caliber, and higher, could easily get lost in the eyes that look up at her from beneath long golden-brown lashes.

“Detective?” She blinks the distraction away, looking back at the girl, her black hair wet and spiraling like the snakes on Medusa’s head against the ivory siding of the drained tub. Ryder can’t help but wish the girl had been lucky enough to turn her killer to stone. Maybe it would have saved her.

“Agent.” She crosses her arms, looking anywhere but at the man across from her, pretending to look for any useful clues. Ryder had gotten to the crime scene fourty-five minutes before the pair of FBI Agents had walked in. The man, who had introduced himself as Supervisory Special Agent Matthew Gray, had decided to join her in the second floor bathroom. His partner, a woman named Katherine Swift, had taken to looking for clues through the rest of the house.

Agent Gray is beautiful. It’s the only adjective that seems to stick to him with certainty, every other aspect of his personality just as elusive as the exact color of those eyes. Even as short as his hair is, the golden brown tendrils are unkempt and curl every which way. Ryder has to force her hand to stay at her side and not reach up to smooth an alfalfa that does nothing for the serious expression on his face.

She keeps imagining what it would feel like if he reached out to kiss her, curling his fingers into her hair and bringing her unworthy lips up to meet his. He’s tall so she would probably have to stretch a little, but she wouldn’t mind. Not when his hands are tangled in her hair and he’s giving her the kiss she’s been silently begging for since the moment he flashed that crooked grin at her.

The imagination is so vivid that she jumps when her own partner, Detective Russo, comes around the corner of the hallway and straight into the bathroom...

The paper crinkles in the evidence bag as Morgan places it on the table, trying to ignore the daggers being glared into him on the other side of the mirror.

Nobody on the team had been very happy with Spencer when they heard the news about your relationship, Hotch had nearly snatched him by the scruff of his neck when he made to go into the interrogation room. But after several minutes of thoroughly explaining himself, Hotch had sent Morgan in. To say Spencer was infuriated was an understatement.

“Do you know what this is, (Y/N)?” You look down at it, twisting the evidence bag so that you could read the Times New Roman font you always wrote in when writing in Microsoft Word. The words cover the front and back of the copy paper, but you don’t have to read it through all the way before you know what it is.

“It’s a page from my newest book.” The bag scratches against the tabletop as you push it away from you, crossing your arms over your chest. Your face is stoplight red with embarrassment at the thought of Spencer reading this page, mostly because you had pulled so heavily from your own thoughts when first meeting Spencer to write Ryder and Gray’s first meeting. You created Matthew Gray to write about Spencer Reid in a way that felt less ‘high school diary entry.’

“More specifically, it’s from the book you just started working on about a month ago. The one that only you and your agent have access to.” Finally, Morgan sits. Before, he’d just been pacing around you the way a lioness might stalk around her prey before she launches an attack. It made you uneasy, but that was the whole point, wasn’t it?

“Do you know where we found it, (Y/N)?” His muscles bulge against his shirtsleeves when he leans them up on the table. Derek Morgan is a very attractive man, you’ll give him that, but if making you uneasy and putting you in the room with a attractive man to fluster you was their strategy then they should have sent in Spencer.

“My computer.”

“We found it on the body of a dead girl.” Another picture joins the ones already shuffled around the table. You can barely look at it, nausea and tears building in your throat at the sight of another person dying the same way you’d written in a story. When you don’t respond, Morgan continues.

“‘She was found at the bottom of an empty bathtub, a pale leg hooked over the edge of the porcelain siding, and her arms pinned to her sides in death. Bruises discolored the skin at her shoulders, and Ryder knew at first glance that her cause of death would be asphyxiation by drowning.’” He drops the paper back to the table, having picked it up to read the passage from the end of the page.

“That’s wrong,” You say, leaning back over the table to look at the paper again. Derek looks down, like the words might have changed in the moment he looked away, but the text stays exactly the same as before.

“That’s exactly what is written here.” You shake your head, pulling the bag back to you and wrinkling your forehead in thought.

“I don’t doubt that is what you read, Agent Morgan,” Your eyes fly over the page, reading the end of the excerpt with overwhelming relief. The bag sticks a little to the pad of your index finger as you tap over the paragraph in question. “But I rewrote this scene only two nights ago. It’s on my computer, I’m sure your tech analyst can confirm my claim. This girl, Bella, she doesn’t die from drowning anymore. Her hands are tied above her head to the faucet and she’s strangled. I couldn’t decide if I wanted it to be by her sister or her girlfriend.”

JJ rushes back to Penelope’s office, on a mission to confirm your statement just as you had suggested. Meanwhile, Morgan’s mind is rushing to figure out the mess he is currently sat in. You lean back in your chair now, unsure if the dizziness you feel is from lack of food or the sudden realization that they couldn’t pin this to you anymore.

“I’m not your bad guy. If I was doing this to prove to my mother that my writing is good, that I chose the right career, as your profile says, I wouldn’t change the scene in my book and not change the murder.” In Morgan’s earpiece, Hotch tells him that you were telling the truth about editing the scene two nights ago.

“Unless you planned it to throw us off track. We know about your relationship with Spencer, you’ve probably found out all kinds of things to do to keep us from catching you.”

You clench your teeth, straightening into your chair and pinning Derek down with a look you’d learned from your mother. It makes him think of his mom, your eyes narrowed and your gaze so cold that it could cause frostbite. He watches curiosily as you tilt your chin up a little, trying to hide the pricks behind your eyes and the wobble of your lip. Derek notices them, the entire team notices. They’re trained to notice.

“I want a lawyer.” You say simply, you voice is sharp and quiet but it does the job of slicing through the tension already building in the room.

“Come on, you don’t need a lawyer.”

“That’s where you’re wrong again, Agent Morgan. I do need a lawyer. Because even though I have full-heartedly trusted the justice system since I was in diapers, and even though I came to these offices willing to help your team in any way that I could, you are still trying to use me as a scapegoat instead of actually doing your fucking job and finding the bastard who is killing people in my name.

“A study from criminal law bulletin says that 10,000 people are wrongfully convicted of serious crimes every year. One in every twenty-five people sentenced to death are innocent, Agent Morgan. Just since 1973, more than 160 people were exonerated from the death penalty. That’s not even counting the people who were killed. But you sure as hell aren’t about to make me apart of that statistic because you want to waste your time trying to piece an investigation around me. That’s not how you’re supposed to do your job. So until you can remember how to do it correctly, I do need a lawyer. Thank you.”

By the time you finish you’ve leaned over the table, your index finger jammed into the wood to make your point. It feels like your chest is on fire as you slam back into your seat and cross your arms, determined to keep your silence for the rest of the time you were forced to sit here.

Everyone on the opposite side of the mirror is stunned into silence, their eyes focused on you even as Derek gathers all the things from the desk and walks out looking a little flustered himself. If Spencer was totally honest, your outburst was actually kind of hot. He has to remind himself that you may have killed eight people in cold blood.

Your lawyer makes it to the BAU in record time, his red hair expertly gelled back from his face. His icy blue eyes only cracking when he sees you sitting by yourself in the interrogation room. Spencer can tell by the way that he lowers himself on the balls of his feet to talk to you, reaching out to touch the hand that sits on your thigh, that he knows you personally. He likes you, actually. Spencer tried to tell himself that it doesn’t make him glad when you pull your hand out of his and awkwardly pat his arm.

He’s been lying to himself a lot today.

Hotch is the one to go back in the room, he was the best at dealing with lawyers. Unfortunately his best wasn’t enough to keep you in custody and soon your lawyer, who Spencer learned was named Jeremy, was walking you out of the room for the first time in six hours.

Your back cracks when you stand, your shoulders rolling back to try and ease some of the stress you’d been holding there since this morning. The sound of the door swinging open for you is almost heavenly, the feel of the air outside of the room is damn near enough to make you cry.

When you look to the side, ready to leave out the second door that leads into the hallway and away from this mess, you meet eyes with the only profiler of the BAU that you hadn’t seen that day. Spencer looks back at you with an expression that you find hard to put into words.

He almost looks sorry, the regret evident in the slight widening of his eyes, but at the same time his chin is tilted up like he is facing an enemy he has vowed to take down no matter the cost. His shoulders are squared, but his arms are uncrossed and his palms are open.

And even though you knew you wouldn’t be there without him knowing, the reassurance that Spencer knew and even suspected you is like a blow to the chest and stomach. It robs you of air, causing you to stumble.

Jeremy reaches to steady you. You shake him off, pulling your eyes from the young doctor and focusing all of your attention on the door knob.

“I’m fine, Jeremy.” Your tone of voice is more harsh than you intended but you’re still struggling to collect oxygen, even when you slide into your car by yourself, it feels like you can’t get enough air. The walk from the BAU offices to the parking lot had passed in a blur. Jeremy’s talk about staying at home and keeping your head low had gone by even faster, and now that you have time to truly be by yourself, everything hits like a ton of bricks thrown at you from a speeding train.

In the midst of your panic attack, gasping for air into the palms of your shaking hands, questioning everything about yourself and your career, you don’t register the shuffle of movement in your backseat. You’re so deep in your mind that you almost don’t notice the cool press of a gun barrel against the back of your neck until a familiar voice lifts your head from your hands.

“Drive.”

[thewritingstar]

Up in the Clouds

Fandom: The PowerPuff Girls

Pairing: Blossick (Brick and Blossom aka Reds) 

I have been on a hype for the Reds lately and i have almost forgotten how much i love my og otp. This fic is kinda of all over and messy but its cute and i like it. A little out of character but i have a soft spot for the hc that the boys grew up and soon they all became closer, so the most unoriginal idea ever. 

Hope you enjoy! I should prob right for the other pairings too lol. 

------

“For this assignment, you will be given an emotion at random and must write AND present about.” The class groaned as she handed out the papers. “You can look at it however you want. Whether its stating things that occur during emotion or what you personally feel, be creative. You’ll present at the end of the month.” 

Brick took the papers and passed them back to the next student as the teacher came by and dropped a folded piece of paper on his desk. 

“Also there will be no changes. You get what you get.” She stated and he rolled his eyes as he opened the small piece. 

Love. 

His hands crumbled the paper in his fist and he knew it would be pathetic to try and get someone to change. He could do this. All he needed to do was make up some sappy shit and piss on about it. He thought about talking about platonic love or family love. How even though his brothers made him want to smash their faces into walls until their blood flows down his hand, he still cared about them. It felt more like he was obligated too anyways. 

“I got happiness, which is pretty vague. Hey Blossom? Which one did you get?” A fellow student, he thinks is named Alicia asked the pink puff. 

“Oh I got sorrow.” She responded and everyone had gone into discussions about their ideas and assignments. 

A guy turned to Brick to ask about his but he was already out the door as the bell rang. 

The cafe welcomed him as the small bell chimed. His head had been a mess after the assignment was made and although he had seven drafts planned out, none of them seemed to work. He even asked Boomer about it and as he went into detail about a blue eyed, pig tailed super hero, Brick was already regretting asking him. 

He ordered at the counter, just a simple soda and a crepe and turned to find a seat. He saw an empty table pressed against the wall to his left but as he turned to the right he saw another table. Occupied with a pink eyed, bow wearing superhero. 

He was already at the table before he registered what was happening. She seemed to be alone and he took her by surprise as she looked up. 

“Oh, Hi Brick.” She said and he gestured to the seat and she scooted a book out of the way before he plopped down. 

“What are you doing here, its like eight o’clock on a school night.” He noticed that the sun was dying down. 

She shrugged and pointed to her milkshake. “I had a craving, plus I have a late start period for school so I came here to clear my head. Plus Bubbles was being especially loud on the phone.” he already knew that she was referring to her and Boomer. They had been talking nonstop and not even a lamp thrown at his head would shut him up. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked him and he mimicked the shrug and pointed to his crepe. 

“Cravings. And needed some space, this English assignment is kicking my ass.” He didn’t know why he admitted to that and he saw her eyes perk up. 

“The emotion one?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

That took him by surprise. She was the one who was always raving with emotion, this should be a breeze. 

“What did you get?” She asked him. His eyes traveled to his plate were warm chocolate and fresh strawberries collided. 

“Strawberry.”

She let out a small laugh and he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“I meant for the project.” 

oh. 

He felt incredibly dumb at that moment and she bubbled out another laugh. That small sound was actually pleasant to hear and for some reason, he wanted to hear it again and again. 

“Oh. Um I got love.” He didn’t know why he felt slightly embarrassed and he picked up his drink to chugged it down as she held a puzzling expression. 

“Hmm that is a tough one. There’s all types of love.”

“That’s what i was thinking. Well, what about you?”

“Sorrow.”

“Well that’s easy, just pick something sad.” 

She said nothing for a moment and instead went to her milkshake, which he noticed was also strawberry, not that it mattered. 

“I don’t think its thats simple. Jeremy got sad and I got sorrow so i need to make sure it doesn’t sound similar.” 

“But they are similar.” 

“Well yes but-”

“Just talk about a loss you had as a superhero. What it feels like to not be able to save the day or something.” He was met with another round of silence. 

Her eyes traveled outside the window. the sun was now in its sunset glow and the sky had become a mixture of purple and pink as it faded out the blue. From the cafe you could see the lines of the city skyscrapers blending into the sky. It was quiet on this side of town and he wondered what it would be like to float onto those clouds, careless and free. 

--

And so they did. After she finished her milkshake and he his soda, he posed that they traveled to where only they could go. Why? He didn’t know and neither did she. 

Her legs dangled off the cloud that hovered just above the ocean. Some would be afraid that they would fall through but they had used their powers to keep them up. 

The cool air blew against their faces and he felt like he could breath better than on the ground.

“Have you ever been in love?” She asked out of the blue, her eyes were focused on the small waves rolling onto to the shore. 

“No.” A simple answer that he wasn’t to sure of. he should of been certain. he didn’t know what love, a romantic connection felt like. He had dated girls before, all throughout middle and high school but never once did those words cross his mind. 

“Me either.” She responded and he turned towards her. 

It was almost as if he couldn’t breath. A swell inside his chest had taken hold and he wondered why she looked so...beautiful against the light. the soft glow of the sun setting made her hair more vibrant and her baby pink eyes sparkle. He wanted to scream at himself for thinking like that but when she turned and caught his eyes, he watched the blush spread slowly on her fair skin and that protest had been silenced. 

They held each others gaze. He was right, he had never been in love before, but if he had then he would need a new word for what was happening to him now. His memory fled back to every girl he had ever dated and some how, somewhere, she was there in the background. During their fights or even civil conversations, she was the only one to catch his attention.

They had grown up together, viciously of course but after spending his adolescent wanted to rip her head off, he just wanted to pull her close. He never believed in fate or soulmates or what not but sometimes, even as a stupid kid, he wondered if that pink counterpart of a girl was actually made for him. 

“Thats a shame.” He whispered and he leaned closer as she did the same. 

“For the both of us.” But they barely beard her words as their lips connected. 

Her lips were soft as the cloud they were on. The taste of strawberry was on her lips and her hands wrapped around his neck as his got lost in her long ginger locks. They had spent all their time avoiding each other when they both knew that they would always return to each other. 

Every break up was about her. The girl getting mad at how he stared at her or made time to study but not for them. he didn’t realize it until now but that hatred he carried at the start of his creation had melted away slowly like an icicle at the end of winter. 

They pulled away and it felt colder than it was before. Her eyes still locked to his. Pink and Red. Just like the sunset and sky. Just like the glow of a bright raging fire. Just like them. 

it felt like eons had passed before she looked towards the city. That vibrant sunset was long gone as the sky had turned a deep black and was now painted with stars. 

“i should go.” She said but it sounded forced as if she was saying she didn’t want to. 

He nodded and they agreed that it was best to part separate since she lived on the other side. He helped her stand up, their feet sinking into the cloud and she turned to him with a soft smile. “Have a nice night Brick.” And soon the dark sky had a flash of pink that disappeared quickly under the stars. 

--

Bricks mind was lost and he tapped his pencil to his desk quietly. the presentations had started for the week and so far happiness, anger, fear and sorrow were up. His mind finally came back to focus towards the end of Blossoms piece and he had cursed himself for barely hearing the first half. 

“Its empty and cold, like an unforgiving stare. It haunts you in your dreams and leaves you feeling numb. It lingers and when you think that the pain and suffering is done, it washes over you again, taking and taking until the only sensation left is a hollow shell. 

My sisters and I have felt this on multiple occasions. When you can’t save everyone and feel the pity and sadness within the air. But joy and laughter can bring the sadness to a end. The sorrowfulness lasts longer than you think. And it makes you believe that nothing matters anymore.” Blossom finished the last of her piece. Her eyes, along with others in the class had glazed over and she was sure her teacher had been brought to tears at her story and ending. 

The applause from the class surrounded the room and she took a small bow before returning to her seat.

Maybe after class they could talk.

The bell sounded through the class and Blossom made her way out of the class. Another school day over.

“Hey.” She turned to see Brick. The students around them were bush trying to leave and get out quickly before a line at the parking lot formed.

“Hey” She returned softly and it dawned on them that they really didn’t know what was between them. 

That night a few weeks ago had not be forgotten but was placed high up on a shelf, they almost forgot about it, almost. Its not like they were avoiding each other, no, school and work had overcome both of their lives, mostly hers of course. 

“So do you maybe wanna go-” He started but the red pair was interrupted with a flash of blue between them. 

“Hey Blossom! Hi Brick.” Bubbles smiled brightly. “Oh Bloss just to let ya know tonight is Sister Showdown.” Her smile held a evil glare and she turned and exited school. 

“What the hell is Sister Showdown?” He asked and Blossom blew up her bangs. 

“Its a competition thing between Bubbles and Buttercup. Last time one was held, we had to replace our roof so I’d rather not be there.” The hallways were no empty and it was just them. “So what were you saying?” 

--

They ended up at the cafe for the third time that week. Every milkshake and crepe was finished with a trip to the clouds as they watched the sun set. They never spoke about what they were or the emotions, just enjoyed each others company and maybe left the night with a kiss or two. 

They talked about anything and everything, sometimes just sitting quietly and counting the waves. 

Her sisters would asked where shes been and she had the same studying excuse before humming to herself and falling asleep with a smile at her lips. 

His brothers would hound on him, teasing him and slapping him until he would throw them off and the subject would be dropped, but they never missed the fact that he was in a better mood. 

It was their secret. The clouds and them. He found it easier and easier to write his paper after watching endless movies, though in the back of his mind, the two main love interest were always replaced with a pair of redheads. Pink and red. 

--

The end of the presentation days came and of course Brick was the last to go.

“That’s the thing about love. You think you know yourself as the days go by, that you recognize every moment as what they are. Love can’t blind you if you’re always aware. It won’t bother you as you keep it in line, making sure that you don’t slip up as you keep reminding yourself there’s no point.” He looked up and was met with a wide pair of eyes. 

Pink. Bright pink. 

“And then you jolt awake. It hits you faster than the speed of light and soon you are falling. Your lungs squeeze tight as you gasp for air and only when you admit to yourself is when you can breath. Love will force you to look at all the positives. It forces that other person onto a silver platter and a podium that is so small, only they can stand on it. They might not think they are perfect but your mind becomes numb and blind to the heart, its the only explanation. That’s the thing about love, right when you think you’ve fallen, you hit the ground.” 

He hadn’t even looked at his paper as his eyes were still lined with hers. The applause in the room shook him to his core as he broke the gaze held with the fiery redheaded girl. 

“And when you never think love will come towards you, you might find that its been there all along.” 

He couldn’t tell you what the teacher said as he returned to his seat and his mouth was parted open slightly as it dawned on him what he had just done. 

He wrote that for the assignment. Based off of shitty romance novels and movies. But in the end, it had been for her. 

Always her. 

--

She found him high up in the clouds that night. They hadn’t spoken since and every word he said had ran through his mind. 

Their shoulders touched as she sat next to him. Both their eyes focused on the waves below. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, it felt natural and good. Although the quiet night was peaceful, he was ridged and frozen in place. 

Even with his blank expression, she could tell his mind was racing. He was choosing his words and mapping out the thoughts and scenarios one by one. And she was doing that too but there were times where planning and perfection weren’t always the best plans. 

He turned towards her, his mouth open as if he were ready to speak but she had already decided that he had said enough. The next thing he knew, her lips were connected with his. 

Its soft and sweet. Delicate but fragile. His eyes had closed and his hand gently rested on her cheek as she leaned into his touch. He could hear her heartbeat thumping at a fast pace and knew his was just the same. A small sound escaped her lips as he tilted his head and soon her arms were around his shoulders as they fell deeper into each other. She could feel the smirk on his lips as they pulled away. 

Both breathing heavily for air as their foreheads rested against one another. 

“Did-did you mean what you said.” She whispered and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Everything you said?”

He rested the urge to not pull her back into another breathtaking kiss but instead raised an eyebrow. “What if it wasn’t about you?” He teased but they both knew the truth. They couldn’t lie anymore, not to each other at least. 

She smirked as she placed down between them before meeting his eyes. That motion alone had him spiraling as she leaned in closer, her lips brushing his. “Then I guess it would be a shame to say that I’ve fallen.” 

“It would be a shame for the both of us.” He kissed her. “But I’ve been on the ground for a long time.” 

“Good.”

---

I hope you liked it!!!

[moony-rose]

It’s that time again (Wolfstar WIP kinda)

Time for me to start another hobby that I’ll inevitably get bored of and completely neglect within a couple of months/weeks/days, yay!

I used to be super into creative writing but I kind of fell out of love with it due to boredom, writers block, the usual stuff etc etc. I thought that now I’ve finished all my uni work for the year and I’ve got plenty of time on my hands with the lovely rona ruining all my plans (ooh my first rhyme, definitely got poetry whittled down to a fine art), I’d try getting back into the wondrous world of writing (and there’s some alliteration, how good am I already??)

This blog is mainly just a dump for my random fanfics/poetry/short stories so here’s my first contribution to this dumpster fire: I got bored after reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix so I decided to start writing (SPOILER ALERT! MASSIVE SPOILER HERE!!!!) Sirius’ death from Lupin’s perspective, since they’re two of my favourite characters and I like to torture myself (and y’know... #wolfstar4ever). Here’s a very rough start of draft of a WIP of a story that may become a bigger fanfic(?). I’ll make it expandable because it’s of the length that would be mildly inconvenient to scroll past if you were not particularly interested in this sort of thing; if you are somehow still interested after the above shitshow, then enjoy!

~ Moony

‘Come on, you can do better than that!’

Remus couldn’t help but smile to himself as Sirius’ wonderful bark-like laugh rang out across the cavernous room. The taunt preceded a blinding flash, as bright as a full moon. Remus’ head shot around just in time to see Bellatrix’s curse hit Sirius squarely in the chest.

‘No – ‘

Time seemed to move in slow motion. The body of his best friend in the world, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, froze for a split second before it lurched backwards then gracefully slid away through the fluttering black veil.

‘No!’

‘SIRIUS! SIRIUS!’ He could see Harry on the other side of the room, leaping down the steps towards the dais. Had he not just told him to get out of there?

Almost instinctively, Remus turned on his heel and sprinted towards the spot where Sirius had been standing moments before, reaching out with one hand as if to pull Sirius back from the floating curtain, but instead collided with the screaming Harry, automatically grabbing him around the chest as he desperately struggled to free himself.

‘There’s nothing you can do, Harry -’ He so desperately wished to be wrong, more than he ever had in his life. He wished for a time turner, something to go back to just a few moments before, to slap himself for being such a fool and not seeing what was coming.

‘Get him, save him, he’s only just gone through!’ Harry yelled, thrashing violently in an attempt to throw Remus off.

‘- it’s too late, Harry.’ Remus said quietly, still staring at the veil, which had suddenly become quite still.

‘We can still reach him – ‘

‘There’s nothing you can do, Harry…’ He repeated, though more for his own sake than for Harry’s. ‘nothing… he’s gone.’ He could think of nothing more useful to say; his mind had gone blank and his mouth and throat were so dry they had begun to burn.

‘He hasn’t gone!’ Harry bellowed, staring desperately at the great archway. ‘SIRIUS! SIRIUS!’

‘He can’t come back, Harry.’ Said Remus, his voice breaking ever so slightly as the situation began to dawn on him. ‘He can’t come back, because he’s d – ‘

‘HE – IS – NOT – DEAD! SIRIUS!’ Remus was relieved Harry had interrupted him because he felt quite certain he would not have been able to finish that sentence. Sirius, dead? The idea was absurd, and yet here he stood, helpless and numb, listening to the victorious shrieks of his best friend’s cousin-turned-murderer.

He shook his head as if trying to wake himself from a bad dream and hauled Harry away from the dais and back up the stone steps, maintaining a reproving grip on his arm as Neville Longbottom slid down to their level, his legs making wild jerking motions as he came.

‘Harry… I’b really sorry…’ he said, struggling to talk through his broken nose. ‘Was dad man – was Sirius Black a – a friend of yours?’

Remus’ eyes began to sting and he blinked rapidly to fight off the tears that were threatening to fall at the mention of Sirius’ name. To distract himself, he quickly grabbed his wand and pointed it at Neville.

‘Here,’ he said, barely a whisper. ‘Finite.’ Neville stopped dancing immediately. Remus turned his attention to the floor, his face as white as a sheet. He felt dizzy and he could not keep his mind focused. He had a vague sense of what was going on around him but nothing concrete.

‘Let’s – let’s find the others.’ He stuttered. ‘Where are they all, Neville?’ He couldn’t bring himself to look across the room towards the veil and so faced away from the arch, a pained expression on his face that he attempted to hide from the two boys in front of him, without much success.

‘Dey’re all back dere. A brain addacked Ron bud I dink he’s all righd – and Herbione’s unconscious, bud we could feel a bulse – ‘

Remus was barely listening to anything going on around him, let alone Neville’s ramblings, until a deafening bang ripped across the room, bringing him half to his senses.

He finally registered the scene behind him. Kingsley was laying on the ground behind the dais, Moody had Tonks in his arms, Remus breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her head turn weakly to face him. Dumbledore had the remaining Death Eaters immobilised in invisible ropes while Bellatrix made a run for the door, laughing manically. In this particular moment, however, Remus could not bring himself to care much about anything, the word ‘Sirius’ was circling in his brain, seemingly sapping the last of his strength. His grip slackened and Harry took this opportunity to rip himself free of Remus’ grasp.

‘Harry – no!’ He cried half-heartedly, making a feeble attempt at grabbing the back of Harry’s jacket before dropping his arm heavily at his side. There were yells from all around him and his head pounded, unable to focus on any one sound.

‘SHE KILLED SIRIUS! SHE KILLED HIM – I’LL KILL HER!’ Harry roared as he sprinted after Bellatrix, out the door and out of sight.

Remus dropped to his knees, staring after him as he ran. A numbness seemed to consume him as the world around him darkened, unaware of his name being called out from somewhere behind him.

[ruinedthatfriendship]

All Fall Down

A/N: This is the last Dimon fic I ever wrote, according to the save date on the original file. Fittingly, it’s also the last fic I have to post out of my old drafts. 

In which Demi handles the aftermath of That Episode from the UK X Factor, everyone cries, and Simon gets the hugs he deserves.

After a while, lies become truth. If you absorb a lie long enough, live it long enough, put effort into convincing everyone it is real, eventually you convince yourself. Eventually you forget the naked truth, replace all of the raw reality with a shiny film of fantasy, and it becomes real.

It becomes real, but lies are always only ever made out of the thinnest glass. And sometimes all it takes is one shot to bring everything down around you.

For Simon, that one shot was a well-meaning singer from Billingham, the setting was a televised audition, and the broken fantasy suddenly raining down around his ears was comprised of just two little words: I’m fine.

He was the furthest from fine he’d ever been in his life, and his only goal in the world at the moment was keeping himself from falling apart entirely at the judges’ desk. But every word of that damned song was a perfectly aimed knife to the heart, cutting him into ribbons over again.

Because Lauren was gone. And Demi was long gone. And his mum--his mum, the sweetest woman he’d known--was gone.

He’d been numb since he got the news just days ago that she’d passed. He’d gone on to do the show anyways and waved off any concern because he was fine, he didn’t feel anything, and maybe that just made him as much of a heartless bastard as Demi had screamed in their last fight. What kind of man couldn’t mourn his mother?

No, he wasn’t heartless. He had one, and his grief had only been dormant, and this bloody song was a sucker punch.

His mind flitted suddenly to Demi’s old lyrics as he discreetly swiped a finger beneath his eye, almost bursting out into paradoxical laughter. I just ran out of band aids, I don’t even know where to start...you never really can fix a heart.

And she was gone too, making a life for herself without him, happy without him, better than ever. Thriving and singing and sober and, last he’d been able to bring himself to check, very much in love with a man who was not him. I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me.

And Lauren was so far gone now. She’d left when Eric was barely six months old, with a shrug and a sad little smile and a promise to stay in her son’s life. She really hadn’t, and the whole of raising an entirely unplanned child had fallen to Simon. Who was, perhaps, the most well-meaning and least-prepared combination possible for a father.

And it had been his mother that he’d called when Demi left, tears in her eyes but yelling in anger, slamming the door on her way out. “Mum”,  he’d announced unceremoniously on the phone, swallowing hard and trying for unaffected. He failed miserably. “I’ve cocked everything up.”

And it had been his mother that he’d called when Lauren left him, dryly asking for parenting advice and completely beating around the bush that time until she’d wrestled out of him that he’d failed, again, that he’d chased off a second good-hearted woman and was doomed to a miserable existence of living with himself.

And now she was gone too. His fists were clenched in his lap, he was trying so damn hard to keep it together, and he had some horrible Frankenstein mash-up of the Labyrinth lyrics and Demi’s running around in his brain, threatening to choke him. He was jealous of her death, and that didn’t make any sense; he didn’t want to die, there was Eric to think about after all. He was jealous of her somewhere he couldn’t get to, she was beyond his reach. Forever.

“Take it to a vote,” he murmured to Cheryl, and briefly congratulated himself for keeping a steady voice long enough to confirm the third yes for the young singer.

And then he stood, his body warring from second to second between utter numbness and heart-shattering grief, and made his way off of the set as calmly as he could, the other judges following at a hesitant distance.

He could hear Cheryl, speaking louder than she thought she was. “I don’t know what to do, do I go...should I let him go?”

And again, he wanted to give into bitter laughter. There’s nothing you can do. But Simon knew that if he opened his mouth, he wouldn’t be able to stuff back inside the hysterical sobs currently stuck in his chest, and he was Simon Cowell and he wasn’t going to cry. Certainly not where anyone could see him.

So he wordlessly waved off his staff and tossed his microphone at one of them, and got onto the back of a golf cart in wretched silence, staring down at his hands in his lap and his wrists, unmarked.

Demi had always had a sixth sense for when he was upset, even if he tried not to tell her. And without fail, she’d take his hands and reflexively trace her Stay Strong script on his wrists, a source of comfort to herself she was passing on to him.

God, he missed her. And it was his own fault she was gone, he had no one to blame but himself for any of it.

***

In the airport in London, beneath the hoodie of an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of dark glasses, just in case, Demi was biting the inside of her lip absently, waiting for her bag on the carousel.

She’d come with just the one, a little overnight bag with next to nothing in it, took a commercial flight and sat in economy, and done it all without thinking. And now here she was, alone, because she’d stupidly decided to ditch her bodyguards and fly out without warning, with no idea what the hell she was doing.

She’d come for Simon, but that was about as far as that plan went. Simon, who had a girlfriend and a son and plenty of work, who wasn’t expecting her. Simon, who she’d screamed at and slammed a door on, and spent the next months of her tour sobbing her eyes out in bathrooms.

What was she even going to say when she saw him? How was she supposed to explain that Marissa had taken one look at her devastated expression when someone accidentally mentioned him, rolled her eyes, pointed at the door, and said exasperatedly, “Oh, just go get him!”

How was she supposed to explain that she’d almost turned around in LAX, but two women were gossiping next to her and that was how she’d heard about his mum and it had only solidified her spontaneous decision?

She knew she wasn’t exactly welcome at the best of times. And better yet, how was she even going to find him? Knocking on the front door wasn’t exactly an option.

Spying her plain black bag, she yanked it off of the belt with a bit more force than was strictly necessary, making a noise of frustration and walking out to the street, waving down a cab awkwardly.

On the scale of every bad decision she’d ever made, this one was pretty close to the top. Demetria, what are you doing?

Without thinking, she gave the driver Simon’s London address, only panicking after he’d turned the second corner. This wasn’t going to work. This was a terrible idea. She was going to kill Marissa. It wasn’t even Marissa’s fault for finally intervening in two years of Quietly Sad Demi. Jesus Christ.

Demi’s stomach was all anxious, terrified butterflies by the time she paid the cab driver and got out onto the curb, letting her bag drop to the ground next to her feet.

It occurred to her then that she had nowhere better to go, and no idea what the code to his gate was anymore, and this was quite possibly the stupidest situation she’d ever gotten herself into.

She dragged her bag the few meters over to lean up against the gate around his property, bracing one foot up behind her and jamming her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. She’d chosen this outfit on purpose, to avoid standing out and catching any attention, but Demi was well aware that she probably also looked like a random vagrant lurking outside Simon Cowell’s house.

She contemplated ringing the bell, but odds were against him being home anyway. That, and doing so would actually summon him if he was. For all her ridiculously hasty arrival, she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to see him again, and get punched in the chest with all of those emotions all over again.

She wasn’t ready to rip open old wounds, wasn’t ready to play visitor to his happy little family. But she wasn’t strong enough to turn away, couldn’t stop herself. After all this time, she still needed him, and she thought that just maybe, if there was ever a time for him to need her again, this was it.

Demi wasn’t sure how long she’d been there, scrolling through her phone and sending a few panicked texts to Marissa--as of yet, unanswered--when his car pulled up. She looked up, startled, already trying to retreat further into the depths of her hoodie, but Demi squared her jaw instead. It was only Simon. And she was Demi freaking Lovato, and she wasn’t going to be afraid of this.

She pushed herself slowly off of the gate, tucking her phone into the back pocket of her skinny jeans, tilting her head slightly as she tried to peer inside of the car he hadn’t even bothered to park properly. Between the tint of his windows and her sunglasses, she couldn’t really see much, just enough to make out the silhouette of his head, slumped forward on his arms against the steering wheel. Oh, Simon.

Her reaction was just instinctive. Demi didn’t think twice about pushing that hood back and stripping off her sunglasses, shaking her dark hair out and walking toward him.

He opened the door before she got close, wearily unfolding long legs and slamming the door shut for all he was worth, not sparing a glance for the small woman coming up the sidewalk. His white shirt looked wrinkled and his eyes were red, lips pressed together tightly, and Demi’s heart clenched, a lump already forming in her throat.

She opened her mouth to call to him just as he finally glanced her way, and their eyes locked. Simon froze completely, and Demi started running.

He didn’t catch her, didn’t speak, didn’t do anything but stand there while she crashed into his chest and hung on, wrapping her arms around his waist and squeezing.

“What in the bloody hell,” he finally said hoarsely, and she wondered how much he’d been crying.

She tilted her head up, propping her chin on his chest, and smiled gently. “Hi, Simon.” It may have been a stupid greeting, but there would be time to kick herself later. For now, there was enough on her plate. Simon blinked at her rapidly for a long moment, long enough for Demi to worry if she’d really shocked his poor old man heart too much, and she watched his eyes well up again. “Baby,” she whispered almost involuntarily. It wasn’t pity, it wasn’t reflexive sympathy, it was just love. Love that she’d never stopped feeling, not when it came to him.

And that was enough. Simon lurched forward against her, his arms coming up around her ribs tight enough to ache, and he buried his head in her shoulder with a heartbreaking sound tearing from his throat that she’d never heard before.

Demi just let him hang on for a long moment, breathing evenly against his vice grip, one of her hands running soothingly over his back. “I don’t know how to get inside,” she finally murmured calmly. “Come on, I’ve been out here for like an hour.”

Simon didn’t appear to have heard her. “I’m sorry,” he choked out against her skin, shaking against her.

Demi felt her own eyes stinging, and bit the edge of her tongue stubbornly. Now was not the time to fall apart. “Shh, come on, Si, let’s go inside.”

She took a step backwards, pulling him with her, and carefully pried herself out of his grip, keeping one of his hands in hers to tug him along.

He keyed in something and let her walk up to the house with him in tow, his free hand over his face. He wasn’t sure she was real yet, had no idea what to make of her sudden presence here. And she was simultaneously a relief and making everything worse, and she was only going to break him further when she left, but all he could do was hold onto her, feeling like a lost little boy.

They made it as far as the staircase. Demi wasn’t really sure what had just happened, but she was suddenly sitting down halfway up the stairs with Simon beside her, turning into her body and giving into heart wrenching sobs once more.

Demi’s lip quivered, and she hugged him tighter. “Baby,” she whispered thickly. One of her hands found his, and she rubbed her thumb across the inside of his wrist absently, her other arm hugging him tightly against her. “Shh, I’ve got you.”

For some reason, that little gesture only broke him further. He was mumbling something into the grey material on her shoulder, words that broke her heart when she finally understood them. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Simon, shh,”

“It’s not okay,” he returned heavily, and Demi winced. She’d assumed that his apology was unconnected to losing his mom--what could he have to apologize for there? But it was still a thoughtless reply, given the circumstances.

“No, not really,” she whispered, rubbing soothing patterns across his back. “It’s not okay, and it sucks, but you’re going to get through it. I promise.”

Simon just sniffed, hugging her tighter. “She’s gone, Demi.”

Demi’s voice broke too as she replied, squeezing his hand as a comfort to both of them. “I know, Si, I know. I’m so sorry. And I wish I could have met her, but I know how wonderful she was. And she loved you so much.”

His mum’s love wasn’t really something he tended to question, but in a moment of weakness, he still found himself returning softly, “How would you know?”

Demi sniffed, and let out a little laugh, shaking her shoulder enough to dislodge him and force him to meet her brown eyes. “Because I love you. And if she could see half of what I see, she’d love you just as much. And she was your mum,” she emphasized the British variant with a smile, “which means she definitely knew you way better than I do.”

“Demi…” Simon mumbled, the only thing he knew how to say anymore. Just her name, just her touch, just her.

She seemed to realize the implications of what she’d said, and drew back a little. “Is...is Lauren home, Simon?”

Simon’s face clouded, and he glanced away from her. “No,” he said simply. “She’s not.”

Demi swallowed, biting her lip hesitantly. There was more to that story, she could tell, but now wasn’t the time. “These stairs are not comfortable, Simon,” she said instead, trying for a little of her teasing brattiness.

It worked, and she saw the darkness recede from his eyes somewhat. He stood slowly, holding both hands out to her, and pulled her to her feet, leading her the rest of the way upstairs.

He went to his bedroom, Demi following on his heels, and ended up standing in the middle of the room, looking lost.

Demi sighed, and perched on the edge of his bed. “Do you want to take a shower?” she finally suggested, when he didn’t seem to gain any more direction.

His eyes flicked to hers. “What about you?”

“I’ll be right here,” Demi nodded firmly, gesturing to the bed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Simon seemed to doubt that very much, but the slump in his shoulders and curl of his spine spoke of defeated acceptance, like he knew she’d leave and had given up on doing anything about it.

“I’ll be right here,” Demi whispered again, and waited for the door to the ensuite to close completely behind him before she launched herself at one of his pillows and screamed briefly into the white fluff.

There was so much pain contained in that man, more than she could attribute to just his mom, and she wasn’t even sure that she wasn’t making it worse. Demi would have given just about anything to strip it away from him, bring back the Simon she remembered from so long ago, laughing behind his hand at some contestant on the stage, holding her hand beneath the table.

She just had to have faith that they could get there again. Together. And it started here, with her promise to stay, which she had no intention at all of going back on.

Demi pulled her hoodie off over her head, leaving her in just a dark green tank top, and let herself lie back on the bed she’d stayed in once before, smiling in spite of herself at the familiar, quintessentially Simon scent surrounding her.

She’d just taken a nearly twelve hour flight, crossed multiple time zones and then emotionally exhausted herself with Simon. Demi didn’t think twice about slipping between his sheets and hugging the pillow, closing her eyes and breathing in the familiar smell of cologne and mints and cigarettes and the shampoo he always used, thinking that maybe, in spite of everything, she was almost coming home.

And that was how Simon found her nearly an hour later, when he finally dragged himself out of the bathroom, fully expecting to be greeted by an empty house. She had to be too good to be true, didn’t she?

Instead, his brat was curled up asleep, holding onto his pillow and looking surprisingly peaceful, all things considered. Relief flooded him, and he bit the end of his tongue as he moved to his closet, refusing to cry again. Now that he’d opened the dam of emotions, stopping it was harder than he’d thought.

But a sleeping Demi wasn’t a reason for tears. It was a reason to just climb in with her.

She woke to Simon slipping his arm around her waist from behind, a soft smile spreading over her lips as she turned over her shoulder to see him. “Hi,” she murmured, still sleepy.

“Hey, brat,” his voice was still a wreck from crying, but steady, the familiar nickname making her relax. If he could joke, they’d be okay.

Simon pressed a soft kiss to the bare skin of her shoulder, tucking her body against his. “Thank you,”

Demi just shrugged, smiling up into his face. “Where else would I be?”

His eyes clouded slightly, and he looked away from her gaze. “I am sorry, Demi. For everything.”

“I don’t really care about that anymore,” Demi said softly, biting her lip. And maybe she was supposed to, and of course they’d have things to figure out, but if his mom’s death had taught her anything, it was that she didn’t want to waste any time being angry about the past.

Still, as much as she wanted to just melt into his arms and fall all the way back into him, in every sense of the word, there was something she needed to know. “Simon,” she sighed, wondering if the answer was going to damn them completely. “I need to know, babe. Where’s Lauren?”

He exhaled, his breath tickling the hair at the base of her neck. It took him a while to reply, and when he finally did, it was simple. “She’s gone, Dem. She left...I haven’t seen her in a year. Eric’s with a sitter while I’m at work.”

Her immediate relief that she wasn’t in their bed right now was tempered by a rush of fury, that Lauren could leave, that she could abandon her son and walk away from the best man she was ever going to find.

“I’m sorry,” Demi said finally, slowly, lacing her fingers with his over her ribs. “For her, really… She doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

Simon just held her tighter and pressed his lips to hers, moving on top of her with a familiar weight as she deepened the kiss. And Demi knew without a doubt that whatever else happened, in that moment, she’d made it home.

[nightglider124]

Baby girl

Sup, m’lovely!

Oh-ho-ho… a breakdown?

Absolutely. Actually, chopping it up into an organised answer with paragraphs might help me with my own process. Planning can be such a headache and it only gets worse if everything is a mess and a half.

Ahem.

Please stand by for a long ass but hopefully helpful post.

Physical Planning

By this I mean, when you actually use a pen and paper to bullet point and jot down your idea; whether it be a basic, rough draft or a deeply descriptive plan. But, it’s that very first step after an idea pops into your mind.

When inspiration knocks. Answer the damn door, you fool. Don’t tell yourself, “Oh, I’ll write it down later. I’m sure I’ll remember.” Spoiler! You won’t. I am fairly certain I am not alone when you tell yourself that and merely minutes after, it’s gone without a single trace. Then, you’re left with that pointless frustration at yourself for not remembering and it sucks. So, to combat that, always write an idea down straight away. Whether it’s on paper, a napkin, a sweet wrapper, your hand; it doesn’t matter. Just get the brief idea down somewhere to jog your memory later on when you go to write it up as a proper idea. With this, smartphones can be your best friend because the universal ‘Notes’ feaure that most of them have can come in real handy for this. Have an idea? Note it down in your phone to reference later on. Main point here is, get your idea down somewhere. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t.

Label your ideas. You don’t have to have a solid, concrete title for your story which means you also don’t have to definitively label your quickly written idea. Use a keyword that has some meaning to your idea. If it’s about… watching a sunset for example, just call it, ‘Sunset’ for the time being. This is just another way to keep things a little more set out and organised. It just really helps to label them so you don’t get confused over what you wrote. Many times have I written an idea on a scrap piece of paper at school or work, shoved it in my pocket and pulled it out when I got home, forgetting what it is and seeing no title so I’ve ended up chucking it in the bin. Labels are your pals. Embrace labelling your ideas. 

Keep them separate. It’s just good common sense to keep multiple ideas serparated from each other. Don’t note down a bunch of things about one idea on the same paper as another because odds are, ya’ll gon’ get confused as fuck. Also, it doesn’t hurt to write them in different coloured pen so you know they have nothing to do with each other. Keeping ideas apart is just yet another way of ensuring you are being as organised as you can for your own sake. Messy ideas and confusion are not the ones. 

Write them out properly. So, you’ve got your McDonalds napkin with your idea on it stuffed in your pocket and you’ve just got home. Time to write out on a fresh, normal piece of paper. You don’t have to do this but I prefer to have fresh versions as my phusocal copies of plans rather than whatever shred I wrote it down on in my moment of inspiration. This way, you can pinpoint more parts of your idea and expand and add details and make it more than just a passing thought. This is when you can write it up as an actual plan. 

Keep them neat & tidy. Guys, you’ve worked hard to make up your written draft; the least you could do is keep it nice and tidy. Don’t crumple it, don’t put holes in it, don’t let anything spill on it, don’t let it get ripped. Keep it clean. I recommend using plastic wallets as this is what I do. I pop my paper plans in a plastic wallet and then place a sticky label on the front of the wallet, again, so I am aware of which idea is which. Keeping your written ideas in a wallet will keep them fresh, clean and smooth. Perfect for when you want to go back and read over it or write it up elsewhere but I’ll get to that.

Keep them in a folder. Folders and organisational objects are a godsend. I don’t know why you wouldn’t store ideas in a folder of some description. Mine is red and actually one I used in high school for English class but now it stores any and all, properly labelled, story ideas. Have a gander.

There are original and fanfic story ideas in there so it’s a good little thing to have on hand if you’re trying to be focused and organised. It just keeps everything in it’s place which makes it so much easier for you. Life, for real, save yourself a headache and get yourself a folder. It helps a lot.

Keep them in a notebook. If you don’t like the idea of having a big ol’ bulky folder sitting on your desk or whatever, opt for a notebook that you just keep close to hand. Notebooks are wonderful and can act as both your initial scrap orrr you can write pages and pages of plans. They’re flexible. I use notebooks all the dang time. I keep them in the drawer beside my bed usually so that if I wake up with an idea or something; bam! There’s my notebook. Seriously. I have like 5 active notebooks that I just grab.

See? 

The Harley Quinn one is probably my most frequently used. I love my notebooks and they can be a good alternative to a big folder. But, they can also be great as material for initial ideas. Personally, I will get an idea and grab one of these babies and go to town, writing my ideas and plot points and what I want to create. After, I’ll tear the pages out and staple them together. Then, I’ll tuck them into a plastic wallet and pop that in my red idea folder. It’ll stay in there until later when I have the time to sit at a computer and write it up. Don’t know notebooks. They’re fabulous.

Store the notebook or folder safely. The whole reason you’re writing in a notebook or storing them in a folder is for safekeeping. Don’t ruin that hard work by leaving your stuff around to be thrown out or lost. Pop it in a place that you remember and is some place you look at all the time. Personally, I keep my folder in the drawer beneath my bed so that it’s within reaching distance when I get the urge to write up and/or expand on ideas. I mean, maybe I’m a little on the crazy side but I love things being organised; especially my ideas and stories. There are so many damn ideas; I need to lock them up somewhere other than in my head.

Digital Planning

This is definitely a personal choice but I deeply believe it’s better to have a digital version of plans for quick referencing, rather than shuffling through papers in order to write up a story. 

Now, say you’ve got three story ideas written down on paper. They’re safely stored and tucked away but you want to transfer them onto your laptop.

Word is your friend. It really is and so much better since the olden days with that godforsaken paperclip who always tried to help but was absolutely rubbish. I use Microsoft Word to write out any and all plans and chapters and oneshots. I sometimes use Zenwriter which is a cool and fairly cheap program out there which really aids a writer in forgetting the outside world and focusing on what they’re writing. Unlike Word, Zenwriter gives no distractions. As it is full screen software, it hides any buttons or toolbars for you to do a random Google search about why they’re called socks and not foot gloves. I recommend Zenwriter to all writers. It’s great they do a free trial, I believe so I’d defo tell people to give it a go at the very least.

Anyways, you have three physically written ideas. Get three Word documents open and transfer your papers ideas to each document. This is going somewhere. I promise.

Save each idea as something memorable. Labels, labels and more labels. Just like the paper version, you don’t need to have a concrete title in mind for the story idea yet. But, I usually title my plans as followed, ‘Title - Plan’. Simple yet effective. You can’t just save the file as a bunch of random numbers and letters. If you do that, there’s no point as you’ll most likely forget and lose it, not realising it is right in front of you because you’ve titled it something random.

If you’re organising plans for fanficition in particular, I would also put into a title if it’s an AU story. I do. A normal universe plan will be, ‘Title - Plan’ whereas an aulterante universe story plan will read like, ‘AU - Title - Plan’. Just little things to help yourself out is all it is, really.

Save all files in one location on your computer. So, you’ve copied your 3 paper written ideas to 3 separate Word documents and are in the process of saving them under appropriate titles. Where do you save them? Documents? Pictures? Music?

Personally, I keep everything to do with writing in a folder, accurately titled, ‘~Stories~’. This contains literally everything. Plans, stories; everything to do with writing is in this folder. This folder is also kept within Documents; a local and familiar section of Windows explorer. Please see below:

Good. As I said, for the moment, we’re just keeping all 3 ideas together so that we don’t lose track or anything. Of course, you could title your main folder as something else but this is how I label my folders.

Be extra and sort them out. You’ve got all 3 documents in your ‘Stories’ folder and you’re that much closer to being an organised genius. You’re not yet finished, however. Once inside of my ‘Stories’ folder, I have 8 folders. I know; you’re probably convinced I’m too into this organising thing but it helps me so, points for Night.

Let’s analyse my folders, shall we?

Counting The Days - Pretty obvious, no? Because I have big plans for this series and I plan more than one story and because it’s my long-time story baby, it gets its own folder. I’m still in the process of cleaning some of these folders up by the way guys so, it does take some time and a lot of patience. Just as a heads up. Anyway, this folder will eventually be moved to that, ‘TT - Stories’ folder which we’ll come back to shortly.

Other - Anything that I’m not sure where to put so it goes in this folder so think of… a miscellaneous folder. Any random bits that you know are connected to stories somehow would go into this one. 

Prompts - These vary to meme types on Tumblr to requested ideas. This folder is literally for any written thing telling me some little ideas to inspire more or to simply give me something to write.

TT - This folder is actually a Night folder. It’s literally a Teen Titans folder full of comic panels, episodes, clips, screen grabs, fan videos etc. It is literally a content folder. This acts as an inspiration folder. It helps me get into the right mind-set to write about my fave hero dorks. This is very, very helpful for me and like I said, you don’t have to make this kind of folder but it’s a nice aid.

TT - Oneshots - This folder is for completed oneshots that have been posted online.

TT - Plans - This folder is where I keep all the story plans.

TT - Stories - This folder is where I store all finished stories that I have written through the years. Inside this folder, there is a folder for each story I have written with all chapters in the correctly labelled folder. 

Writing Help - This folder has pointers for polishing my writing skills. It’s full of piece about grammar and spelling and all that jazz. Very helpful.

Yet more folders. We’ve reached this part; you’re spoilt for choice on the golder front. You’ve got 3 separate ideas. saved under good, memorable titles and inside of your ‘Stories’ folder. You would then drag them all inside of the folder labelled, ‘Plans’ or whatever you decide to title it. I’m a stickler for a range of folders. So, inside my ‘TT - Plans’ folder, there are 4 folders. Again, I’m splitting these up a lot because that’s just how I am but you don’t need to if you don’t want to. Organising stories and plans is completely up to the individual. This is just a guide and reflection of what I personally do.

Here comes the analysis train again.

Additional for ANY plans - So this folder is for any additional documents I’ve written up that help and support my plans for specific stories as in character bios or big events that need to happen or anything like that. This folder goes for all plans; active or not.

Plans - ACTIVE - This folder is for story plans that I am currently focusing on and have a real focus on for the future. They are plans I know 100% that I will turn into a story.

Plans - COMPLETE - This folder is for plans of stories that I have already finished writing. Not necessarily needed but I like to keep them because I’m just a hoarder to be honest. 

Plans - STORAGE - This folder is for plans that I don’t really know if I’m ever going to bother going further with but also plans that I can’t quite part with yet; just in case I get the urge to pursue and expand on some of them. There are some plans that you look back on and think ugh god no’ not doing that and you just delete them but there are a few that remain in the grey are so instead of chucking them or forcing yourself to complete them; make a storage folder. You can always go back to these if you run out of active ideas anyway.

So, this is where you can deviate to how you like but I think having about 3 folders like this really helps you to differentiate between all your wonderful ideas. Then, all you have to do is move your 3 documented files into whichever folders you like.

It’s completely optional for you guys to write up plans like this. As in, it’s up to you whether or not you want to do both a paper version and digital version. I like to simply because I’m extra. I find it really helpful to have a digital version but I keep the paper versions too as backup. As we all know, technology likes to fuck us over from time to time so having a hardcopy is always a smart move.  Before I did this, I can’t tell you how many plans I lost. Like I said though, it’s up to you how you store and organise plans. This is just my process.

Actual Planning

Considering we’re already talking about how I store and organise my plans, I thought why not share my process of actually writing a plan itself?

Title and Summary. This is the very first thing I do. I will usually write my makeshift title or solid one if I’ve already got one in mind from the get go. I will then follow it up below with a brief summary containing multiple keywords; just so from a quick glance, you will remember what this idea is about. It’s a nice way of not having to read through some big fat plan without knowing what the idea itself is. Summary and then in depth version is my way to go, anyway. 

List your characters. Again, optional. I like to do: Title, summary and characters. I literally write a name, age and small bio just to help me out a little. I does help; believe me. It’s like… are they normal universe characters? Are they AU characters? Are they an OC? I usually place this just after the summary and before I go in depth with the actual plan.

More detail. This is where the real part comes in. This is the point where I usually write a full plan. I usually set it out by pinpointing the main events in my story. I will always plan it in chronological order and insert anything I miss in the right order. I wouldn’t try setting a plan with the main events of your story being all over the place, if I’m honest. Itjust makes it confusing and frustrating. This will normally be done in theformat of bullet points and small headers, but I’m flexible and I don’t do thisevery single time. Like I said; it’s down to the one writing the thing.

Expand. Alright,so you have 10 points that will act as 10 chapters, for example. At this point,expand. Go through each point and write more into it. I’ll admit, sometimes Icould very well copy and paste from my plan into an actual chapter; that’s howmuch detail I put in. Anything memorable you want in a specific chapter;whether it’s a gesture or dialogue or whatever, now would be the time to notethat in. Just expand enough so that you have a thorough understanding of what’sgonna go down in each and every chapter. You don’t want to finish off a plan,without it being very detailed and get completely stumped midway through yourstory because your plan wasn’t prepared enough.

Edit accordingly. Changethe font, colours, size, boldness or italicize until your heart’s content. Thiscan be a really helpful technique for some writers. I personally, don’t reallychange it from standard black coloured font set at default of ‘Calibri (body)’.But, I know some people find it better to work with bright colours etc. Again,do what helps you.

Add in images or short clips or references. I do this a lot with images. If I’m going to bedescribing a dress that one of my female character choices will be wearing, Igather up a bunch of images from google to help when the time comes to write itup. This goes for clips and references too. If there’s something you wanna addin that you’ve been inspired by; paste that in there. Anything that benefitsyou in the writing process, lock that down into your plan. It really will makeyou breathe a sigh of relief later on.

Use available tools. So,if you’re writing on Word - which I suggest as I personally do use Word a hellof a lot to write chapters and plans - make use of the cool features on here.There’s a nifty tool where you use ‘New Comment’ and ‘Reviewing Pane’. This isan absolute life-saver. 

Alrighty, so you’ve got your three chapters.This is just an example, I don’t think I’ve ever written a three chapter story,haha. Anyway, imagine there is more writing and they’re separated a littlemore.

Start by highlighting the first chapter. Once you’ve done that, go ahead and click new comment up the top. Don’t forgetthis tool is found under the review tab of the upper toolbar.

After doing this, you should see it do thismagical thing here. It might not turn it red; if it doesn’t, do not freak out.Word gives you an assortment of colours that you unfortunately cannot changeyourself. The colour is automatically chosen. Anyway, click in the littlecomment box and type ‘Chapter One’.

Then, go ahead and do this for the other twochapters and label them as well. Just like before. After, click that button uptop titled, ‘Reviewing Pane’.

Finally, the ‘Reviewing Pane’ will pop up onthe left hand side of the screen. If you click any one of the red bars, it’lltake you directly to that chapter. This is absolutely amazing when you have asuper longwinded plan. It saves time scrolling and scrolling through the entiredocument. I strongly recommend doing this.

Remember to save. Don’tbe a dummy. Continuously save and don’t always rely on Word’s auto savefunction. As I said, technology can be a bitch so try to be ahead of it at alltimes. As already stated earlier on, you’ll want to title it well. Nothingrandom as you’ll lose track of it. And then, all you’ve gotta do is sort yourplans into your folders.

—

So, that is all! This is everything I canpossibly think of that I see during my planning process. I hope you guys findthis helpful and like I said, it’s down to you to find a way to organise yourdocuments in a way you like. If you’re one of those people that find order inchaos and absolute mess, then I salute you as I could never do that. I’m a bitof an organising freak once I get going.

Find your pace and find your process. Thank you @fireflyxrebel for the question. This was actually really fun to breakdown forya’ll.

Much love!

[harleywestbrooks]

First Draft (Tell me what you think. If you like i will write more!)

Chapter One

 “God it’s so late.” Looking at my phone I realize it's already midnight and that I should really go home. I have been studying late in the library so I can be sure that I pass my exams. It’s my last year in college and I want to go out proud of myself. I gather my textbooks and put them into my bag and head out of the library. I notice that the entire college campus is gone. Since it was a Wednesday I knew the social life wasn’t going on tonight which was good for me. I didn’t really do the whole party scene I’m more of loner. Walking down the path to my dorm I see there are actually a few people around in about. I saw this couple making out on a bench when I passed by. The girl was beautiful she was thin and had a gorgeous face. Overall, she was the opposite of me. I am not that beautiful like other girls. I am more normal, I have medium length dirty brown hair. I am not skinny what so ever and my face is plump and has no natural beauty so I like to wear makeup. Men don’t find me very attractive but I’m ok with it, it gives me more time to focus on my studies. I realized thinking about myself I almost missed my turn. I turned down the alley where I take a shortcut to my dorm room. It’s always so dark here, there is only a dumpster back here since this is the alley behind one of the many fast food place on campus. I’m already halfway through the ally when I heard a weird squeak of a sound behind the dumpster. I hesitate for a moment then turn behind to look behind the dumpster. I saw a dark lump just lying on the ground, then I notice it was the girl from earlier who was on the bench making out with her boyfriend. “Omg, hey are you ok?” I say as I go down and I try to help her. I pulled her out from behind the dumpster. I realized that she was bleeding from her head. “Help me please.” She whispers. It was barely hearable but I had to help her. So, I tried my best to stand her up and lean her on my shoulder. She was lighter than I thought she was going to be. “It’s going to be okay, I am going to take you back to my dorm. Then I will call for help. But first we need to make it there.” I put her arm over my shoulder and dragged her to my dorm. Lucky my dorm is just a few meters in front of the alley. I notice for a moment that literally no one is around which isn’t weird so I shake it off. I look at the girl and she has bruises all over her face and body. I somehow manage to get her to the entrance of my dorm room. She is starting to get heavy so I lean her against the wall when I reach the door to my room. I fumble the keys to unlock the door, I finally found the right key and I slide it into the handle and unlocked the door. I push it all the way open then grab the girl off the wall and drag her into the room. I put her down in a chair I have near the door and propped her against the back of the chair so she is sitting up. Then I shut the door and turn on the lights. Once I turn around I gasped, my room was in complete shambles. My clothes were thrown everywhere, papers from my desk was on the floor. It was trashed from hell, but then I remembered the girl and I turn back around to the chair and she is gone. I am so confused at this moment, I swear I just carried a 130-pound girl who was horribly beaten. I looked around the room for her but she wasn’t there. “What the hell?” I whispered to myself. CRASH. I spin around to see my lamp the was on my desk fell on the floor and is now broken. “Seriously” I let out a sigh of frustration. I walk over and start to clean up the broken glass. I get this funny feeling behind me but I don’t turn around. “You look good from that angle.” I spin around and let out a small scream. There behind me was the girl I carried here. “Omg” I said. “You scared the hell out of me. Where did you go? I turn around for one minute and you were gone. But forget that you need to go to the hospital.” I get up and reach in my back pocket for my cell phone. She comes closer and laughs at me. “Oh, sweetheart your so cute.” She grabs my phone and throws it against the wall. “Hey what the fu..” she covers my mouth with her hand and puts her finger in her mouth. “You talk way too much. Look I just want to taste you before they come for you. I have tracked you for years and now I got you and now I’m not going to let you go so easily.” I look at her like she is crazy and I try to move away from her but suddenly she turned me around to where my back is against her cheats. Damn she is super freaking strong. “Just a taste.” She moves my hair and rips her head back and digs her teeth into my skin. I try to scream but her hand is still over my mouth. I can hear her moaning behind me. What the hell is happening right now. Is she a vampire? I think to myself. No, she can’t be vampires aren’t real. Suddenly I feel sleepy and fell like I’m floating away. As my eyes start to flutter I hear a smash behind the girl and I then everything went black.  

“Rose. ROSE. Wake up now, we need to move.” I slowly open my eyes to a man holding me. I look at him and see the stars. We are outside and it's freezing. “Rose come on I need you to get in motion here.” I looked at him again I could only see half of his face. He was looking straight in my eyes. “Wha…Where am I?” “That doesn’t matter we need to get out of here fast.” He stated seriously. “The girl..” “That’s why we need to leave I can explain everything when we get on the road but now I need you to be awake.” I hear a door open before I knew it I was inside of a car. He put on my seat belt and ran around to the driver side. I laid my head against the window. I heard him crank the car. When we started moving it made my head hurt more. I still feel so sleepy. Maybe if I just nap a little I feel better. “You can’t go to sleep I need you awake,” says the man driving. It took me a minute or two but I finally come to the realization of what just happen and I’m not going to lie I freaked a bit. “Wait to hold on. What happened back there? Who was that girl? Wait not who are you and what do you want?” I said louder than I should have. Without even looking at me he says, “My name is Michael and what happened back there doesn’t matter how I saved you that’s all you need to know.” I just stared at him. “Please let me out,” I say very limitedly because I don’t know what he might do to me. “I am the last person on this planet that will hurt you, Rose. I promise you that.” I seriously have no idea what’s going on but I feel safe and I don’t know why. I feel like I should trust him but that would be stupid to do. So, for now, I will go with the flow seeing how I have no other choice. But I had a couple of questions that need to be answered. “What was she?” he didn’t answer me right away, “I think you know.” I think about what she did then touch my neck. I felt something I pulled down the visor to look at my neck in the mirror. I couldn’t believe my eyes there were two holes in my neck with dried blood just below them. She was real, she was a vampire. Vampires are real, how can this be? They are myths or I thought. I remembered what she said about someone coming for me. “She said someone is coming for me. Is that true?” He made a small sigh. “Yes, she was being honest. Things are coming for you that’s why I was sent to you.” I looked out the window, “I don’t understand why would anyone or thing want me. I am nothing special nor have I ever done anything bad in my life.” I look at him and he is staring at me. I didn’t notice that we stopped at a motel. He gets out the car and comes to my side and opens the door. He holds out his hand I hesitate but then I take it. He closes the door and I lean against the car. It took me a moment but I notice he is still holding my hand. He steps closer to me until I am pinned against the car. His face is really close to mine I don’t know what to say to him. “You will learn everything soon Rose. Just I need you to stay by my side so I can keep you safe.” As he says this he strokes my cheek with his hand. My heart flutters, I nod in agreement with what he said. Once he sees that I am in agreement he pulls me towards the motel by my hand. Once we reach a door he uses a card to open it and pushes me inside. The lights turn on and the room was average as any other motel room. I hear the door close behind me. I turn around and I see him fully for the first time. I couldn’t help but stare at him he is angelic. He is only a few inches taller than me but has this stance about him that says he is large and in charge. I notice he has dark brown eyes like dark chocolate. He has rich light brown skin and he is dressed in a dark suit that compliments his figure greatly. I only thought men like this only exist in movies but I was wrong. His hair wasn’t long but it wasn’t short either, he was literally my dream perfect man. I couldn’t stop staring at him I was stuck. “Rose are you okay?” he is looking at me intensely. I shake my head yes and turn away. I had to hide my face I was turning red like a 13-year-old girl. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now. I know that this random dude saved me from I guess a vampire, I also know that I should trust him but this feeling I have says I need to. Once I get my face back to normal I turn back around. “So, what now, do you let me go or hold me hostage or what?” I watch him for a moment noticing how his eyebrows come together in frustration. “I will not hurt you Rose.” He walks over to the bed and sits down looking at me. “You don’t need to be scared of me. Like I said I am here to protect you. Come sit its time for you to know everything.” He patted the bed.

[survivormyanmar-blog]

RITES OF PASSAGE

Linus: Wow this feels like a long time ago. Back in week one you hardcore targeted me for some reason. Maybe it was because of that one time we played a mini and Johnny and I caused "hold one I froz, can som3 one on for me" to become a meme :^ )

Linus: The mini version of the mess that was Carolynn. I really had nothing against you so again it really sucked that you were also trying to target me so hard :( 

Ashley:   We didn’t get to interact a whole lot, but I hope to get to know you and maybe be in another season with you sometime! 

Linus:  Love you <3 (Well, I don't know you, but Im sure I would love you if I did :P 

Tommy: OMG RICHIE! I really enjoyed the time we had before you were voted out. I hope all is going well with you. You had one of the brightest personalities among the cast.

Ting Ting: I was really sad to see you go but the brief time that I spent talking to you was really nice. You seem like such an awesome person, I just wish I could’ve gotten to know you better! brave the dangers of australia. Btw your dog is absolutely adorable and I want it. http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_original/1318327549856060774.gif

Linus: You are the one and only person I feel like the age gap might have screwed over a bit. You we're definitely more active than some other people and were also probably  going to stick with the fans honestly, so you probably could have gone deep had we not been on a preswap losing streak :( 

This game was definitely a new experience for me, I tried hard to make friends and try my hardest to at the very least fit in with the group, but I wasn't that successful. I came back for redemption, or at least a chance to get a second shot in this community, and honestly it doesn't really feel like I got my second chance. I reconnected with some people, and met some people who piqued my interest, but other than that, this season wasn't what I anticipated. Although, here's to looking forward to talking to some of the fans!

Ashley:     Oh Gaston, I really truly did adore you. That tribal that you went was between you and Sam, I fought for you to stay but it is hard when the numbers just weren’t with me. Not wanting to cause anything so early in the game, I had to go with the numbers. But I hope to play with you again, once we actually started talking I really liked you and would have wanted to pursue working together, sorry it ended up the way it did. 

Linus: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuJTqmpBnI0

Tommy: Omg considering your vote out was one of first on the season it was one of the hardest of the season. You were so robbed. I think you have an amazing job though.

Ting Ting: Literally you are such an awesome person! Like I felt like I could really relate to you especially because we both seem to live in like the middle of nowhere…yikes. But anyways, I definitely wish I could’ve worked with you more in the future because you are hilarious and it’s sad to see someone go because they happened to vote in the minority. Also Canada is amazing and I want to move there because…well…

“It was an amazing game! I loved every second of it and it sucked that I did the most work on the tribe and it didn't pay off. I'm proud of how long I stayed in the game, and i wish that it didn't end so abruptly, but I have no regrets.....”

Ashley: Adrian I think we talked a little bit, not as much as I wish we had. But tbh the video we made was kinda bad. I know it isn’t your fault but like damn. Hope we get to play together again!

Linus: My one official ally on the starting fans tribe!! The swap happening totally sucked because you did not deserve to go at all. You were good in challenges, in the fan majority alliance, had people in the minority feeling dependent on you, you were so well setup until that extra vote came out :( 

Tommy:  You're a really nice dude. Again so robbed by the Fans vs. Favs dividing line. I really did wanna work with you in this game and you always tried your best in the challenges.

“This game being my first ORG ever actually was very interesting. I loved the challenges and the Mata tribe was amazing. To top it all off going on a blindside just made me love this game so much”.

Ashley: Nehe you could have worked with Amanda and I but noooo, you just had to go spreading rumors that literally followed us through the whole game. This ain’t no Gossip Girl. 

Linus:  Oops you got  caught being shady af :^ )

Tommy: You were definitely one of the more interesting personalities this season. You were pretty iconic before and after being voted out. You got pretty far considering you were the youngest person on the cast and never played an ORG before.

Linus: Like Adrian you were a fan who was super well set up, so the swap was super unfortunate :( . Im sorry I had to go for  you at the swap because I really did like you and want to work with you. 

Tommy:  I've heard so many good things about you. I really wish you would have made merge because I'm sure if you did we would of worked together at some point. I thought you had the best cast intro of everyone on the season. P.S. Your tweet being read on the Mvs.GenX live show finale was really cool.

Krysten:  I unfortunately didn’t really get the chance to get to now you because we were never on a tribe together for that long…but when we did talk you seemed like such a nice and amazing person! I mean just going off your like 15 second intro video, you just seem like such a ball of happiness ((sun)) https://media.giphy.com/media/10d3NDzD40xb0s/giphy.gif

“I came into this game hoping for another shot at redemption so I could make my dreams come true, unfortunately Fiji and other factors ruined that, but at least I'm repping myanmar in all stars, I'll try to make you guys proud”

Ashley: My love!!! Ugh I miss being able to talk to you so much. I can’t wait to be able to reconnect after this game is through. The way you went had me annoyed, but I understood it was a strategic move. I just really was looking forward to working with you down the road. After that hell of a ride in Westeros, I am so happy we got to play this game together. Can’t wait to catch up!

Linus: Rip the alliance between you, Christian and I :P . I think the fact that you went as a merge boot is a testament though to how crazy this season was with people voting all over the place. By all means you had one of the best social games and I really think in 4/5 seasons you're name wouldnt even be thrown around when it was.

Tommy: Omg let me just say, MICHELLE YI'D. You were an awesome social player in this game and a huge threat and I could of saw you winning this game. You were one of the most friendliest but also most dangerous players in this entire game because you were so friendly and had amazing social bonds. I enjoyed our convos we had especially the night we were all suffering during the pre-merge paintball challenge.

Ting Ting: STEFFEN OH MY GOD! plz do good in life and everything! i missed you when you left because you were always so active on all the chats ever and were such a beautiful little ball of energy and fantabulousness (?). I miss screaming into the void with you and definitely being close with you throughout the game was amazing. I’m so sad that you left and were basically blindsided but it’s ok because now you’re in allstars (which you better do well in because i’m pretty sure i drafted you. don’t screw up my draft.) your daily snaps a works of like lowkey ugly art but it’s ok. also bless your legacy advantage. boi that saved my ass.

"In Fans vs. Favorites, the fans have to work hard to not be overshadowed by the favorites while the favorites have to work hard to live up to the name they've made for themselves. It is absolutely incredible how hard the majority of the cast played to leave their mark on this game that we love. I certainly gave it my all."

Ashley: Aweee Brett! I really loved our conversations about food that would always make me hungry, and how you would always tell me the sketchy things you were hearing around the tribe. I am very appreciative of the support you gave me when I was worried I would be voted out. You told me to figure it out and that I could get through it, and I did, so thank you for that. I can’t wait to talk to you again once this is over. <3

Linus: Yooooo! The unofficial leader of the fans! Like Steffen it was shocking  that you would be cut  so early in the merge. Then Brett being booted I  think is what  forced me to play as aggressively as I did the rest of  the season. I was very much against the flip to get rid of him, but I saw the numbers just were not there to make a change so my only chance was  to flip and hope for some change ups later on down the line.  

Tommy: screech Omg you have me shook every time you say something, you are hilarious. Like I literally laugh out loud at some of the things you said to me. I really like the friendship we have and your cat is super kawaii. I miss the way we would just chill out and just talk about random things like sailor moon or how we hate Trevor for making us do challenges that cause us to lose sleep. LOL

Ting Ting:  Well I never really talked with you that much but when we did you seemed like a great person. unfortunately there was a lot of talk about you being rude and stuff to some of the girls but since i never got to know you as well as i would like i only had pretty positive things to go off of. I just wish that you could’ve stayed in the game so that i could actually get to know you better to form a better, more well rounded opinion of you. ((heart)) 

“I came into this game the ultimate newbie; I had no idea Tumblr Survivor or even ORGs were a thing. I played my hardest, put everything I had into the game and even though I didn't win, I went out with a bang and couldn't be happier with how I played!”

Ashley: Keegan! My little buddy I was always trying to work with. I really was willing to make some moves with you, I hope you know that. It just got to the point where we all thought you were working with Brett, and that was kind of scary, so the numbers yet again screwed over my plans of working with someone. Hopefully we can play in another game again and we can work something out!

Linus: After Adrian I always considered  Keegan my closest Ally on the fans tribe. Especially after we stayed up for that endurance comp. Even though we never had an official alliance or anything, but I think to an extent we tried to have each others back. Sadly it just wasnt in the cards for my game when he went home :( 

Tommy: fist bump Omg Keegan I can't believe when we did the music video you got those Christmas lights. I was so happily shook you have no idea. I really think you're a cool and down to earth dude. I also think you're really caring with the stuff you tell me you do in your everyday life. Great things are ahead of you.

Ting Ting: Keegan i am soooo sorry i couldn’t get you past that tribal. literally you were an amazing person to talk with and i realized that after the brett vote, i shouldn’t be basing votes on things that other people said without formulating my own opinion. Of the times that i talked with you, you showed yourself as such a nice, genuine, and transparent person and it didn’t make sense that people wanted to vote you out like that. like i really don’t think you deserved go home especially since you were actually participating in the game. 

Ashley: Christian this game was kind of hard between us. You having been my ride or die in Sicily and then coming to this game was a bit of a transition. I am upset that we never truly got to work together but I figured it could be too obvious if people found out we had been an f2 before. Since we really hadn’t had that much interaction I figured I would go with the numbers and prove we were not as close as we once were, I am sorry it had to happen the way it did. I do miss you though and hope we can reconnect! 

Linus: I think one of my turning moves in this game was becoming friends with Christian since that really gave me an in to work with the other Favourites. It was hugely disappointing to see you go since I really did want to go far in the game with you and your vote was the only one in the whole game that I think truly blindsided me. 

Tommy: We barely talked this season, all I know about you is that you're a Meme Queen. However, I hear you were the most honest of everyone on the cast so props to that.

Ting Ting: that girls alliance was iconic (i’m pretty sure you made that). like literally it was so amazing and it was an awesome idea continuing that alliance and having it there in this game. also all of your votes were so iconic. feminist icon.

"pls don't call me a hypocrite again last time i cried"

Ashley: Okay Jay, I probably know how you are feeling about me right now. But I just hope you know it definitely wasn’t anything personal, tbh we all just felt really threatened by an f2 of you and Sam. Girl, you are a fighter though I will give you that. You had us running around like crazy before that vote trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I really do respect your game, but in the end it has to be about who you can beat, and I didn’t think I could beat you. I am sorry, and I adore your snapchats of you cooking because it always makes me hungry and I hope we can look passed this game after and be able to be friends.

Linus:  I don't think theres a ton I have to say about Jay since it was probably blatantly obvious to everyone that you were my closest ally. It was super fun playing with you and Im really glad you were here for my first Tumblr org.

Tommy: You played one of the most entertaining games this season. Like if I were a viewer I would be mesmerized by the entertainment value you brought. I think you were a huge kingpin of the season. I think your vote out symbolized a whole new direction in the game for everyone. As a person I really enjoy talking to you about personal life and hearing about your life.

Ting Ting: You were such an amazing player throughout this entire game. and unfortunately that’s the reason that you were voted out in the end. like if i could have your strategic mind my life would be so much easier. like girl you slay life. your hair is amazing and you are amazing and i absolutely loved working with you on votes and just having conversations with you. literally stay beautiful.

“For being the flop I was I'm expecting drags out of all four of you.”

Ashley: LEAH!!! Okay, so once I heard people were thinking you, Amanda and I were an f3 I was like what? And came to you to talk to you for literally like the first time and omg, I know now that I should’ve gotten to know you sooner. Girl you are freaking hilarious and I loved that we were basically the same person. Too bad that f3 wasn’t actually a thing. We could’ve run like everything! But noooo, people just had to think we were some strategic masterminds when we really just love It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I miss you already and really can’t wait to be able to talk again. <3

Linus: I always feel like Leah and I were kind of forced into the position of being rivals in the game. She was gunning for me for a while, especially after Keegan went, which sucked because going deep with Leah would have been a really good game move, but such is life. 

Tommy: If anyone has personality this season, it's you. You're loud and not afraid of saying what's on your mind or how you feel about people. You were the last female fan standing which is a huge accomplishment AND you're a part of the 7th place chat with Trevor, Sam, and I! Lastly, CHEETAH is an icon know that

Ting Ting: Girl. girl. girl. you are a ball of absolutely sarcasm and just doneness with life and i can relate to you soooooooo much. plz don’t hate me for voting you our but you are fucking fantastic and amazing and i hope that we can work together in bb.

“I can't emphasize how damn proud I am with my gameplay this time around. I overcame a reputation as a player that would only get me as far as early merge, and yet, by the end, I believe that I changed that rep into one that made me a true contender to win.”

Ashley: Sam. I tried so hard to be able to work with you. But you were just so sketchy. It was literally terrifying to my game. So, I may have been the one to get you out. I hope you can understand this, as I know you know this is just a game. I tried my best to be honest with you and not come apologizing after the first time I sent your name around. I hope you can respect that and we can work together sometime in the future! Because damn, you are good. 

Linus: Sam was truly given the short end of the stick in this game because Jay was after him so heavily. Sam never did very  much to lead anyone to believe he was untrustworthy, and he seemed like a really good ally to have. Sadly, along with Jay's rhetoric putting Sam at a disadvantage when it came to people wanting to vote him out, it also gave him a big advantage if he got to the end since he would have been someone everyone was always talking about yet he pulled through.

Tommy: Stop picking your nose on snapchat you RAT. Anyways it was such a pleasure to work with you basically all game leading up until Final 6. We've had so many convos on skype and you know I think you're fantastic. I'm really happy for you that you ended up changing your game. Maybe you're not the cut throat rat/snake everyone made you out to be, maybe you're really a penguin who likes to dance in place or blow kisses in the mid air LOL. Give me a good review of Slaybells at ponderosa for me.

Ting Ting:  i’m crying. i’m actually dead. when you got voted out and seamus found out he messaged me and we were both so sad. literally why? that’s the only question. your tribal was sad and it makes all the good people out there sad. #shots4sam

Ashley:     Amanda, my love. My ride or die. My partner in crime. Omg how I already miss you. I am so sorry about what I did. The whole situation was ridiculous. I really feel as though I found a friend in you and I know you can look passed this. We understood how this game could end up. I am so happy I got to know you through this and I can’t wait to be able to fangirl over Hamilton with you again. I will now quote Disney movies that remind me of you and make me feel better. 

You’re the Terk to my Tarzan “And you'll be in my heart Yes you'll be in my heart From this day on Now and forever more” 

You’re the Woody to my Buzz“You've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me If you've got troubles, I've got 'em too There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you We stick together and can see it through Cause you've got a friend in me You've got a friend in me”

You’re the Timon to my Pumbaa “Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze It means no worries for the rest of your days It's our problem-free philosophy Hakuna Matata!Hakuna Matata?Yeah. It's our motto!What's a motto?Nothing. What's a-motto with you?”Love you!!!!! <3 <3 <3

Linus:  Despite being one of the people I talked to the least, Amanda was actually one of my downright favourite people to work with. We had a non aggression pact if you will for a large portion of the post merge where despite us not being officially aligned, we would keep each other safe to both progress. Even though we weren't allies to the very end, I truly do think neither of us would have done as well as we did had each other not been in the game and I enjoyed being able to skip a lot of the smalltalk since we could both see that each other being around improved our position.

Tommy:  I was so happy I got to finally play a game with you because I see you're in different seasons all the time in this community and we never got to play together before. You're super intelligent and smart. I really enjoyed our convos about threatre/plays. You have a really kind heart.

Ting Ting: you are so beautiful and amazing and nice! i so wish you were on more and active more so that we could more conversations and stuff but when we did talk you were such an absolutely amazing human being. yas queen.