#rinse off the gunk

[shabbyshoebox]

*Me, frantically typing*: "How to uninstall Bronchitis.exe"

[skyward-floored]

Hmmm what shall I attempt to use to brush my teeth tonight

[illogicalghost]

i hate feeling greasy but for some reason getting in the shower is sooo hard sometimes. like its so much work just to get clean. i want to just snap my fingers and have it be over with

[slormp]

damn youtube is ugly

[the-njnb]

Taking my brain out and giving it a good scrub wouldn’t fix all my problems but it would fix a lot of them

[phagodyke]

vent post pls ignore thank u 🙏

re last post like while it is frustrating how tired out i get sometimes, I genuinely like working and on weekdays I don't rly mind just exercising eating and going to bed. the pattern I'm starting to notice is that when I regularly attempt to be social, my mental health starts nosediving, even though I like spending time w friends... 90% of my issues are centred around emotional dysregulation (I do struggle with other things but have pretty solid coping mechanisms for most of them + also hopefully meds will help eventually) and socialising tends to exacerbate that pretty drastically bc I'm frankly very socially insecure/inept + have a lot of deep rooted issues concerning trust + intimacy which make me strongly avoidant so trying to form friendships deeper than surface level is unnecessarily complicated + painful for me to manage. but when I'm socially 'isolated' I do function pretty much fine, even if I miss it. like. I dunno. I don't think isolation is a good habit in the long run bc it'll degrade my social skills further + I don't want to spend my entire life never having truly meaningful relationships with anyone. but also I'm kind of at a loss as to how to balance it with my mental health bc the 'side effects' I get are drastic to the point of intolerable sometimes + no amount of therapy or cbt/dbt skills seem to be able to circumvent that. like don't get me wrong I love my friends a lot I just feel like I have all the wrong sockets and wires to connect to other people so every time I do they start spitting sparks and smoking.. and I feel like most other people pick up on that too and find it really difficult to be friends with me on their end. I just don't know man. I don't think I can deal with feeling like this forever I wish I didn't care so much about everything so it was fine and I could just be satisfied with what I have or I wish I was actually introverted so I wouldn't even rly have the need to socialise in the first place it's just so fucking HARD and I'm tired of fucking up all of the time I can't get it right ever and!!!!!!!

[homunculus-argument]

I have come to discover that the most efficient way for me to get housework done is to allow myself to just do task grazing. I start one thing and once I've got the ball rolling, I may notice another task I could do while doing the first task, and just let myself wander around the house, bumping into something I could fix, fixing it up, and heading back off to a random direction, like a roomba with hands. I didn't plan to do housework today, but I decided to bake a cake.

There was no real need for a cake, but I allowed myself to bake one nonetheless. Getting started on the batter, the butter I was melting in the microwave popped over slightly, so I neded up washing the microwave plate and dome. Looking for cinnamon, I re-arranged the spices into a slightly more logical order. Turning the oven on, I noticed that the dirty oven tray inside - that we had left in there to cool since there's no way to wash it while it's hot - was still there, so I figured I'd wash it, too.

So while the cake was in the oven, I ended up washing the dishes from the sink, and discovered that there's no way to fit the oven tray in there with them. So it's best to wash the oven tray in the shower. Scrubbing the tray in the bathroom and rinsing it off with the showerhead, I noticed the burnt gunk collecting on the floor. Getting a cleaning rag and wiping the gunk off, I noticed the dust in the corners of the bathroom floors, and figured I might as well wipe those through.

Had I sent out with the intention to spend today cleaning, and made it my task to clean the whole kitchen and to mop the bathroom floor, I would've never managed to actually get up and go do it. I would've spent the whole day frozen in place, beating myself up about not getting up and getting anything done, and wasting the entire day achieving nothing and still being exhausted by the ordeal of spending the whole day fighting myself.

But instead, I let myself bake a cake.

[luveline]

HII BABE can i request miguel x spidergirl!reader where reader shows miguel how to do her skin routine before bed in a shared apartment?

Miguel tongues at the inside of his cheek. “You can't be serious,” he says eventually. 

You smile at him, hope in your eyes. “It'll look cute. You'll love it.” 

Miguel considers what you're saying. You shift from one foot to the other, your fuzzy socks bumping his with every step. 

He scratches a little crystal of missed toothpaste from your bottom lip. You wait patiently, and it's that patience that melts the last of his reluctance. 

“Fine,” he says, dropping his arm back to his side. 

You beam and bring your hands up to his hair, raking it back from his face, a headband slipping down your wrist to hang in the crook of your elbow. “It's for your benefit, anyway, not mine,” you say, grabbing the headband to stretch carefully over the top of his head. He's impossibly tall, and even on tiptoes you struggle. He slouches imperceptibly to help you. “This is messy business.” 

“I've washed my face before.” 

“Not like this, babe.” 

You coerce the headband around his neck before pulling the front back up over his face to push his hair back. It's tight around his ears, and when he looks in the mirror, it is with an incredible amount of self disdain. 

“Good kitty,” you praise. 

Miguel adjusts the white cat ears to be central, relieving a little of the pressure from behind his own ears, but not enough. “Can we hurry this up?” 

You make sure your own face is clear and grin. “Let's do it.” 

You wet your faces with handfuls of hot water. Miguel's skincare routine consists of nothing more than showering and using a mild facial soap before bed; yours feels rather mammoth in comparison. First is an oil cleanse. You pour honey-coloured facial oil into his hands from a stout bottle, and he follows your lead without needing instruction, dedicating himself the skin surrounding his nose and between his brows  

“Wash it off with water,” you say, “I'm gonna do it a bit longer.” 

“Why?” 

“It's supposed to pull the gunk out of my pores.” 

“What about my pores?” he asks. 

You rub circles into your nose. “Who said I care about your pores?” 

Miguel doesn't bother rolling his eyes, bending to wash the oil from his face. Next is regular face wash, white suds gathering in your brows and under your nose as your elbows fight for room at the sink basin. You win (he lets you) (or that's what he likes to think), rinsing the soap off and patting your face dry with a small towel. 

The sink gurgles as he turns off the faucet, water running down the line of his neck and his arms to his elbows. You pat him dry. 

He likes that, the simple intimacy of being looked after unconsciously. You obviously don't think about drying his neck and hands for him, you just do it. 

“What next?” he asks quietly. Softly, some might suggest. 

“Come on,” you say, taking his hand. 

Miguel has seen you do it all many times now, but doing it with you is different. He lets you pull him into the bedroom, where you pick through bottles of serums and toners and tubs of pads to grab a red bottle. 

“Dragon blood?” he asks, eyeing the label of your face mist in distrust. 

“Not really. Close your eyes.” 

You spray your mist over his face, and he doesn't flinch, barely moves an inch, until you put a hand gently to his chest and crane your head up to kiss him while he's unsuspecting. 

He admits defeat. He loves you, he can't hide it much longer. “Is that everything, mi querida?” 

“That's not half of it.” You rub his tacky cheek adoringly. “Would you?” 

He takes the bottle of mist from your offered hand, waiting for you to close your eyes. When they're shuttered tight, he leans down to kiss you thrice in quick succession, lest you feel the curve of his smile on your lips and think he's having fun. 

[httpvomitello]

I usually dont do requests but.. you see, you seem pretty nice for me to NOT ask for something.

Soo, im autistic and i have a HUGE problem with anything that gets sticky or stuff like this, so washing dishes for me makes me very disgusted.

Soo.. could I maybe ask for a fem autistic reader x rottmnt donnie? Like shes just trying to wash dishes but some food just gets in her hand and she just gets all "eww!"

Sorry if this is a bad request, I just rarely see autistic reader stuff. Take your time and I love your tmnt stuff!

Hello, hello! I decided to write this one here, because... Well, as you said, it's a little difficult to find autistic reader request. HOWEVER! This will officially be the last request I will accept from TMNT, because I will stop writing about them for a long time ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ. Anyways, hope you like it ~ ♡♡♡♡

Sensory Overload and Suds *⁠.⁠✧

ROTTMNT Donnie x Autistic!Fem!Reader

The kitchen sink was running, warm water filling the basin as you carefully placed the dirty dishes inside. You never minded washing dishes—when everything went smoothly, at least. The warm water felt nice, and the repetitive motions were calming. But the moment your fingers brushed against something slimy at the bottom of a bowl, a deep, full-body shiver ran through you.

"Eww!" You recoiled so fast you almost knocked the dish rack over, shaking your hand like it was on fire. "Ew, ew, ew, ew!"

From across the lair, Donnie, who had been working on one of his latest tech projects, immediately turned toward the noise. His brow furrowed behind his goggles as he stood up. "Are we under attack? Has one of my brothers done something catastrophic again? Is the kitchen on fire? Because if it is, I swear I will—"

You turned toward him, still shaking your hand in distress. "No, no, it's worse!"

"Worse than the kitchen being on fire?" He asked dryly, making his way over.

You turned the sink off and backed away from it like it had personally offended you. "I touched…something."

Donnie tilted his head. "Something?"

You shuddered again, rubbing your hands against your shirt as if that could erase the sensation. "Something slimy. And now I feel it. It's everywhere. It's like it's still on my skin even though it's not. I hate it."

Ah. Sensory overload. Donnie knew how that was.

"Alright, stand back, dearest," Donnie said, dramatically cracking his knuckles. "I shall now engage in a high-stakes battle against the revolting entity that dares disturb you."

You gave him a flat look. "Don, it's just food gunk."

"A heinous foe, indeed," he continued, rolling up nonexistent sleeves before grabbing a pair of dish gloves from under the sink and slipping them on. "Fear not, for I am well-equipped to vanquish it."

Despite the lingering feeling of grossness still on your hands, you snorted. He always did this—turning small moments into theatrical productions. You appreciated it, though. It made things easier, made you feel less silly for being overwhelmed by something others might see as insignificant.

Donnie rinsed out the offending dish, making sure there were no traces of slimy remnants left before setting it aside. He then turned to you and dramatically held out his hand. "There. The beast has been slain. Shall I escort you to the hand soap to ensure no remnants remain?"

You rolled your eyes but took his hand anyway, letting him guide you to the sink. He turned the water on for you, and you immediately scrubbed your hands under the warm stream, sighing in relief as the sensation finally faded.

"Feeling better?" he asked, watching as you meticulously cleaned every finger.

You nodded, glancing at him. "Yeah. Thanks, Don."

He gave you a little smirk and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. "Anytime, my dear. My talents extend far beyond the realm of science—I am also a certified rescuer of distressed damsels suffering from unfortunate dish-related incidents."

You flicked water at him. "You're so dramatic."

"And you love it."

You rolled your eyes again, but you couldn't stop the small smile forming on your lips. "Yeah. I do."

[certifiedsexed]

I know you're not meant to clean inside the vagina, but what about the vulva? I'm always wondering if I'm supposed to be doing something specific for hygiene or if rinsing with a shower head is enough? Sometimes I'll use a no scent/dye gentle face wash and that doesn't seem to cause irritation, but I also get scared to do so too often because I'm not sure if I'm supposed to use any product. I also sometimes use a vulva wipe specifically before sex but mostly just because I'm scared of if I missed a teeny tiny piece of toilet paper or something, but don't use these regularly because it's really hard to find ones that don't have a fragrance and that makes me nervous! I know that there being a natural body odor is fine, I'm not self conscious about that, this generally from a perspective of wanting to be clean and healthy.

Unlike your vagina, your vulva isn't self-cleaning! But it actually sounds like you're following what you should do to a T.

You want to make sure there's no gunk or grime around your clitoris or around your vulva and to rinse it off. While a lot of people don't need to use soap, you definitely can as long as it's fragrance free, mild, and doesn't cause irritation [some people have allergies to certain soaps, so if it's mild, fragrance free and still causes irritation, you might just be allergic!].

A lot of people prefer to use soap and it's perfectly fine as long as you're using the right type and it doesn't bother you.

A lot of vulva wipes aren't good for you, specifically because of the fragrances actually! You've got good instincts, there. A lot of them are made as a "special menstrual/sex hygiene ^_^" product, almost all of which are a complete scam.

[Recently learned from another person on here about Lysol, the company that loves to make bleach products, leading the charge on douching as a menstrual/pre-sex hygiene product, as well as birth control! This trend is not recent.]

Fragrances are very bad for your vulva but if it doesn't have a fragrance, there's a possibility it's a good brand. I can't guarantee that though.

Hope this helps! I have some other related info in my #hygiene tag if you're interested, btw. Lemme know if you have any other questions! <3

[spiderraeken]

wet paws and bubble beards 🐾🫧

prompt fill: 'howling with laughter' for @thiamficweekly

co-written with @equallyloyalandlethal ♥️

edit by @equallyloyalandlethal (go praise her for the INCREDIBLE edit she made)

rating: general

word count: 2,754

warnings: none (though you might wanna consult a dentist for the tooth-rotting fluff this contains)

“Absolutely not. No way. Out.”

Theo skittered backwards, his tail fluffed up into the air, and he snarled at Liam, his lip curled and his ears pinned back for good measure. He let out a very distinctly frustrated and equally confused huff as he glared up at his boyfriend, his eyes slightly narrowed.

“Don’t give me that face. You’re literally covered in mud. No way you’re coming inside like that,” Liam said, gesturing to Theo’s… Everything. His entire body was caked in thick mud, from the bottoms of his paws to the tips of his ears. “My mom will gut me like a fish and then you’ll have to look all sad and apologetic at my funeral.”

He snapped at Liam’s hands, a low growl emanating from deep in his throat, though there was a tone to it that Liam knew was meant to sound mocking. God knows he had heard the sound from the asshole in front of him enough to know what Theo sounded like when he was being a little shithead. It was annoyingly cute, but just as frustrating

“Come on, I’ll help. The hose is right around here.”

The front door creaked as he shut it, along with the accompanying screen door, and he jumped off of the porch. He landed on his feet, courtesy of werewolf reflexes, and tried his best to ignore the chill from the rain that was soaking into his clothes. His mom wasn’t a neat freak by any means, but there was a line.

Water on the floor was one thing. The amount of mud and dirt and gunk that would pour off of Theo as he moved through the house and towards Liam’s room was another beast altogether that he wasn’t willing to touch with a hundred foot pole and a trip to a non-extradition country.

The ground beneath them squished uncomfortably as they walked around to the side of the house where the hose was coiled up against the siding right next to the faucet, a few little frogs leaping away when they approached. Of course, there was more snarling and gnashing of teeth from the chimera, who was currently backing away with his teeth bared and his tail between his legs.

“Do you want to come in or not? Either you let me rinse off your damn fur, you walk into and through my mom’s house naked, or you go home alone. Those are the options.”

None of the options seemed to appeal to Theo, judging by the continued grumpy huffing and empty teeth snapping, not to mention the petulant stamping of his paws on the ground. Liam lifted an eyebrow up at him in a move that he absolutely didn’t steal from the chimera at his feet and that seemed to be the thing that finally prompted Theo to submit to his fate.

Theo dropped his head down, though not without one last snap of his teeth, and then took a tentative step towards Liam, side-eyeing the hose the entire time. He kept a wary eye on the hose with each step, his movements slow and hesitant, and Liam couldn’t help but think how adorably frustrating his idiot of a boyfriend was.

For fuck’s sake, he was eyeing the hose like it was a venomous snake or something and not something that his mom had gotten at Home Depot a million and a half years ago.

“Oh, come on, you big baby. It’s not gonna hurt.”

Theo’s eyes snapped upward and he levelled Liam with a glare that was almost murderous enough to actually kill someone. He stared at him for an extended moment, almost like he was assessing his options, before he reluctantly nodded, the movement of his head almost imperceptible. His entire body was braced in a stiff line, ears pinned back to his neck and his eyes sharp and still just as venomous as before. There would surely be hell to pay for the way that Liam was desperately struggling not to chuckle at the image in front of him, but it was just too much.

The garden hose made a creaking sound as Liam twisted the knob, courtesy of its age and disuse. Once upon a time, his mother had tried gardening. Emphasis on tried. It wasn’t long before she discovered that she absolutely did not have a green thumb, had the opposite, in fact. It was almost a talent in and of itself how terrible she was at growing anything at all.

Theo silently snarled at him as he turned the hose on and Liam couldn’t help but laugh a little more fully as his boyfriend snapped at the stream of water and almost tried to skitter out of the way of the water, despite the fact that the water wasn’t even touching him yet.

Oh yeah, there was definitely going to be absolute hell to pay for this, probably in more ways than one, but fuck if he could stop himself from being entertained by the utterly wolfish behaviors of his boyfriend.

When Liam finally began to spray the stream of water at Theo, the chimera jolted and let out a sharp yelp, his fur promptly getting properly soaked by the cold water. As if the residual drizzling rain wasn’t bad enough, Theo seemed to think that the water from the hose was acid.

He continued to spray Theo off, the water seeping past the thick layers of black fur and taking off the caked on mud, until the chimera was relatively clean, aside from his wet, muddy paws. Then, almost as soon as he was fully cleaned off, Theo looked up at Liam with a distinctly mischievous and, frankly, evil look in his eyes and then launched himself into the air, bowling Liam over and tackling him to the ground.

Liam let out a sudden oof as he fell down on the wet, thankfully clean, grass behind him and began laughing as Theo began to attack his face with licks, apparently not as pissed or grumpy as before. Maybe it was just revenge for his bath, but it still made Liam laugh. Moments like these, just the two of them happy and laughing, was rare, and he was going to treasure them forever.

The bright, infectious joy from earlier was wiped clean, along with the mud from his body, as Liam grumbled under his breath about stupid boyfriends and stupid mud and stupid rainstorms. Yes, it felt nice to rinse off after running through the woods, and the warm water was definitely helping his body be less upset at just how long he and Theo had been out there, but he was currently up here all by himself while his idiot of bastard boyfriend was schmoozing his mom downstairs.

He rushed through his shower, hurriedly scrubbing at every inch of muddy skin, and eagerly threw open the shower curtain to grab his towel when he was done, eager to get downstairs and assess the damage. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Theo, it was the exact opposite. He did trust Theo, despite everything that had happened between the two of them over the years. He trusted the chimera more than most people would consider sane. The person he didn’t trust was his mother. He didn’t trust her worth a lick, and it wasn’t as if the chimera would turn down the opportunity to embarrass the crap out of him.

After scrubbing his wet skin down with the towel, he threw on the first set of clothes he could find, which just so happened to be one of Theo’s shirts and a pair of his own sweatpants, one that he didn’t realize had little holes near the bottom. It was comfy, it was quick, and he wouldn’t have cared even if he had noticed it.

The shirt went on as he tried not to fall down the staircase in his haste, a mistake that he’d made an embarrassing amount of times, and struggled as he tried to not trip over his feet that he couldn’t see through the fabric covering his face. As much as he tried, and he did try, he ran into the bannister at the bottom of the stairway, ears trained on the laughter streaming from the living room.

Oh god. Laughter wasn’t good, not at all. Especially when he recognized the timbre and sound of it to be his boyfriend’s distinctive, rare one.

“No way. That’s… How old was he?”

Liam’s stomach dropped down to the foundation beneath the house and he mentally began to dig his own grave beneath his feet as he braced himself for what he was about to witness and experience. He didn’t like the responding giggle from his mother any more than the low, rumbling laugh from the asshole of a chimera that he was honestly debating breaking up with in the current moment. He really didn’t need this kind of stress and, more than that, he didn’t know if he could handle the impending heart attack that he was about to experience.

“Five? Maybe six, since we were already in this house.”

“It’s…” Liam watched from around the corner as Theo smiled down at a large, old book in his hands, his expression only half visible over his mom’s shoulder. “He hasn’t changed at all. Not even a little.”

The softness in those words were matched on both Theo and his mother’s faces, stopping him in his tracks as he prepared to barrel into the living room and grab the horrific album from his boyfriend’s hands. He was still absolutely terrified of what Theo was looking at, make no mistake, but he was also so unbearably entranced by how wistful he looked as he studied each individual photo. It was cute and entirely antithetical to the everyday image that he projected, which just made the little grin and the crinkled at the corners of his eyes all the more precious.

“Some days I think he’s gonna carry that baby fat with him to the grave,” she said, a fond smile on her face.

“On the bright side, it’d provide the same protections puppies get for life.”

“Hey!”

Both people turned their heads to look up at him and he sucked his lips between his teeth, his mouth tight and in a firm line, as he became suddenly aware that neither of them had apparently noticed that he was there up until that point. There was a blush on Theo’s cheeks as he eyes promptly snapped down to the floor and Liam had the sudden urge to rush forward and comfort him. He wanted to tell him that it was okay but there were two distinct things that stopped him.

First, he was the one that probably needed comforting in the moment or possibly even therapy. Secondly, there was no way in hell the chimera would let him say anything like that with someone sitting next to him.

Jenna quietly moved to sit next to Theo, which pulled Liam’s focus off of the still blushing chimera. Her face was gentle, almost sweet, and comforting in a distinctly motherly way.

“He’s not wrong, sweetie.”

“I am not a puppy.”

“Not what I said,” Theo replied, a finger tracing over one of the worn edges on the outside of the page.

“Yes it is!”

He looked over at his mom for support, but her hands were raised up in surrender and she was shaking her head like she didn’t want to get involved.

“Traitor.”

A low, grumpy huff spilled out as he watched her chuckle into her hand, not refuting the claim. Of course she’d choose Theo, he was practically her preferred child by now. Case in point, he was actually allowed in the kitchen to help her cook her infamous Jenna Geyer meals. He chalked it up to her approval of him, but also the fact that he willingly turned around and did the dishes for her afterward without even being asked.

“I said you have puppy privilege. That’s not calling you a puppy.”

“It’s practically the same thing!”

By the end of Theo’s sentence, the two traitors were chuckling at each other as he crossed his arms and pouted, though he knocked it off rather quickly because he realized that the looks that Theo was giving him were just too adorable to be properly mad at.

With a scowl and a nondescript grumble, he shuffled over and tried not to visibly pout, though he knew that was probably a lost cause at this point. He gave Theo’s shoulder a firm, playful shove before assuming a standing position behind the couch in an attempt to find out what godawful stories his mother was telling his boyfriend. His attempt fell short though when his attention was pulled more to Theo than her.

He vaguely listened to her telling Theo the stories associated with each picture, but was more focused on the steady heartbeat from across the couch and how Theo’s breathing, which sounded creepy in his head but he swore it wasn’t. He was just trying to be a good partner, sue him.

When his mother turned the page and immediately grinned like the fucking Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland, Liam froze. That smile wasn't good, not at all. That was the smile that even David feared, the one that meant his mom was entering goblin mode.

“Oh, this is a good one. Liam had a bit of an obsession with Wolverine from X-Men for a while and decided that bathtime was the perfect time to play dress up.”

He looked down at the album and then instantly let out a screeching, “No!” before he dove over the back of the couch to try to grab the book. Of all the embarrassing photos of him that existed in the world, that one was the worst. If Theo saw it, he would never live it down. Never. Hell, even Mason hadn't seen it.

With a sharp oof, Liam landed on the floor in a rumpled lump, his hands bereft. He looked up sharply at the realization and felt his blood run cold when he saw Theo holding the album with an overly amused look on his face. This wasn’t good.

“Excessive much?”

“It’s an appropriate reaction!”

Theo rolled his eyes at Liam’s perfectly normal and certainly not overdramatic reaction before he lowered the book to his lap. It gave Liam a chance to sit up, his fate accepted at this point, and he glanced up when he heard a muffled laugh. His mom was absolutely failing at holding back her laughter as she shifted around on the couch, her eyes scrunched up from behind her hand. Of course she was laughing. Why wouldn’t she be finding joy in his pain and embarrassment?

His head turned to the side, a heated flush settling permanently in his cheeks. Moving to Alaska was the only concrete way he could think to get away from the sinking feeling in his gut. Theo had opened the album again and was just staring. then paused, all noise from the chimera gone for a moment, before he finally spoke.

“That’s– You’re adorable, Liam. Very handsome man.”

Liam shot his boyfriend a sharp, hopefully vicious glare and flipped him off, which garnered a smack on the back of his head from his mother who was still endlessly amused at the antics. He rubbed at the back of his head and huffed, curling in on himself as he pouted.

“You’re both awful people.”

There was a brief pause, any all and all sounds ceasing for a moment, which had Liam lifting his head, eyebrow already raised in question, before Theo and Jenna erupted into laughter. Apparently that last comment had been the final straw. The two descended into a fit of giggles and they were practically howling with laughter by the end as they fell into each other, their whole bodies shaking with joy. It was the first time that Liam had ever seen Theo be so genuinely happy around someone other than him and it made his chest tighten.

Honestly, it felt like his heart was growing in size and warmth, the organ beating rapidly as he watched the man he loved laugh with his mom. Seeing the two most important people in his world bond like this, even at the expense of his sanity, was something he would never take for granted.

He really was one of, if not the, luckiest person in the world.

[nectardaddy]

mood

feeling like my brain has expired? like i need a lobotomy where they take out my brain and give me a new one because i need new neurons and experiences like my current brain ain't doing it

[rambunctioustoons]

✨domestic au but sun and moon won't stop killing your house plants caring for your houseplants🪴🔪❤️

full disclosure this is inspired by shenanigans from the @//daycarefriendpickup server !

contains; crack treated half serious, plant murder, domestic fluff, sun knowing better than you how to care for plants, no justice for plants at all.

[ sun-centric, no gender/pronouns for reader, 1,200]

Domestic squabbles are a given in this lifetime. Can't co-exsist with anyone without some minor irritation.

It's a guarantee really.

But Sun never draws the curtains in the morning if you're still groggy. Moon never keeps the tv at night a decimal above what could stir you awake.

You make it your honest mission to always keep your clothes in the laundry bin the one time you catch Eclipse red handed tidying up the space.

Difficult to complain when your newly founded housemates did mostly all they could to be agreeable. Much like you did in return.

As cliche and sappy as that sounded, you loved them so much.

But the plants.

The plants.

Your beloved houseplants faced the wrath of miscommunication and you just can't fathom how it's plant care that keeps causing arguments.

The first day it happens. You're awoken to early daylight, and the scent of watered down bleach. Staring out into the hallway, gaze transfixed on the spray bottle in Sun's hand, like the handle of a dagger in a slasher flick.

Because that is the household cleaning solution he's wielding.

"Darling! Good morning! You're up early early today. Lemme finish up and I'll go make us coffee!"

Spritzing the chemical all over your beloved Fiddle-Fig Leaf plant!

"What are you doing..?!" You squawk, swatting the bottle straight out of his hands. The element of surprise in your favour here, bottle tumbling to the floor out of harm's way.

Tempted to kick it out of his reach.

"Fiddle-Fig was dusty, feel it! Look at it! The poor thing was collecting cobwebs! No need to fret now, I know all about plant care! Used to water and clean all the plants in the Daycare y'know! Silly, wasn't gonna wake you up just to-"

"Those were plastic plants!!" You shrill. Immediately connecting the dots. Regretting the decision to let frazzled nerves sway your temper.

Sun curling in on himself like a poor kicked puppy.

"I-I'm..-! I'm sorry just-... You can't water or clean plants with bleach Sun. You have to be gentle," Giving his arm a sympathetic squeeze, dipping into the bathroom to run the bath.

It's all you could think. Carefully rinse off the chemicals quicker and keep the pot out of the stream. Gently dab away the viscera from the leaves. More at ease with this taped together emergency plan.

"They're alive, they're not plastic."

But when you turn back around.

Sun is trying again.

To spritz the plants. Again!!

"Dude! Knock it off! Drop it!! Drop it-.. Drop it drop it-!"

To his credit he drops it.

Dull sloshy clank to the floor. Catching the way his posture ever so slightly shakes. Staring him down, metaphorically hearing the annoyance rattling in his casting. Gunking up his gears.

You've literally never been this frustrated in your entire life. Snatching the Fiddle-Fig off the hallway table.

"... I know," He starts, sharp and wobbly all in the same faux breath. "How to take care. Of our plants."

"Just keep your mits off Fig!" Poking his chest, showing you mean business. "We'll get plastic plants you can play with later. Take care of those to your heart's content."

Failing to shut the door in time before Sun pipes up again. Song-songing in a condecending lamet as he follows your eye line straight on until the door fully closes.

"I think you're ovveeerr-reactinggg!!"

You shut the door twice.

Beloved, Fiddle-Fig stood no chance against caretaking protocols that stubbornly stayed stuck on the wrong dial-tone.

Because this morning you'd been greeted with an even more troubling site.

The dirt is gone.

Out of the pot. Straight up missing.

How meticulous a task to gently remove each little root from the soil and leave it starving. Catching him rounding the corner with gardening gloves (and how in the world he'd even found gloves to fit his hands for one).

"Eugh, saving Fig from all that disgusting dirt was no easy task," He beams. "Not to mention the bath it needed to get all cleaned up! But look, look it looks much happier. I'm sure whatever you were doing was great too!"

Feeling what little patience you had dwindling. Your eye twitches.

"Liiiike I told you! I took care of plants all the time! No more of that pesky dirt!" Tapping a finger to your nose. An equally affectionate and condescending boop to your nose.

"Taking it out of the dirt is killing it." Glancing over the still intact roots. "You're literally killing it."

"We have the internet y'know! Duh. You're supposed to wipe down these kinds of plants once a month! It doesn't look like you were doing that at all. So dusty, blegh!”

Are you going crazy? For real. You feel like you're going crazy.

“Good thing I'm here! To help you out and help out our beloved plants! Don't have to worry about all that pesky tidying with me around!”

Gripping his shirt, shaking the fabric in place of shaking him.

"Not with bleach!! With water!! With water Angel! Where did you even read anything about removing the dirt?!"

"The bleach was diluted with water! Don't get yourself in such a twist!" Literally cupping your hand and making you twirl. Stumbling on the hardwood to catch yourself.

"Where did you read about removing the dirt! Give me your source, give me the name of the article writer I'm going to find their address and stuff live beetles in their vents!"

"Oh!" Distress finally clicking. Maybe. Clicking a little. He cups your face, soothing his thumbs along your cheeks.

"... Goodness. Does our Fiddle-Fig really need... Dirt that much? I mean, I just don't think that's true. But if you're thiiis upset.. hmmm."

"All the plants in this house need dirt. And water, not cleaning solutions!”

"... Fine." He warblers a sigh. Glaring down at the plant. "This one can have dirt."

Tempted to ask him if he's heard literally anything you've said.

———

Glitter, and acrylic paint are what come next.

Dropping the plate in your hands, scattering linguine pasta all over the living room floor.

Literally out of the room for fifteen minutes and he's made a craft project out of the plants suffering. It's screaming tirelessly to a void that no one can hear.

You're very glad you're not a plant. Actually.

Sun sets his paintbrush on the tiny plastic pallet, rushing to you after collecting supplies to clean up the mess of ceramics and sauce.

“The orange didn't come out quite right! Don't you just hate that? Mixing colours and noo matter how much yellow you mix in, it's just not orange enough!”

Fig is ruined. Fig is not going to continue thriving in this household like this.

Urgency to hide it in your jacket and run off into the woods.

“I know I can do better, but sure am glad you love it so much! Rendering you all speechless!” He chitters, like he's proud of this.

Leaning down to wordlessly clean up the rest of pasta wreckage. Sun rambles about his other plans for Fig. If he couldn't clean it properly, he could at least decorate it correctly!

Plants being all one colour is an eye sore.

You could tell him most plants are one colour. Most plants are green. Question his sanity if he too has a distaste for the green grass outside the window. The brittle bark of brown tree trucks even.

“Please don't ever do this again, plants can't handle being tampered with like this.”

“Decorating isn't tampering.”

At least this phase hasn't reached Moon yet you suppose.

... Yet.

[alacritysparked]

"I love my friends and my team and most sentient beings that decide I'm worth their time. But Primus below, why do I always deal with the weird shit after the longest work days?"

His doorwing's realigned and no longer droopy, but his wrist is still in a brace. The rest of him is a literal mess, covered nearly head to toe in gunk. Smokescreen got him on the way to the washracks.

He really hopes he can rinse off before dealing with whatever might be lurking in Smokey's ceiling...

[mordenheim]

Vitamin D For Growth

Just a fun little growth-filled tale for the wonderful @goattrain Author Icon by the lovely https://www.furaffinity.net/user/redband.jackalope

================================================

Alice grumbled, staring at herself in the bathroom mirror. The poor goat was covered in bright green goop from horn to hoof. Wincing, she pulled off her shirt as she felt the gunk soaked into her shirt sucking at her skin and tugging at her fur.

“Never thought I would have to wear a hazmat suit into the company greenhouse.” She grumped out loud as she finished peeling off her clothing. Apparently they had been testing some sort of plant food int the sprinkler system designed to magnify the plants' photosynthesis. However instead of coming out as a fine mist it blasted out right on top of poor Alice as a thick green slime.

Tugging off the last of her clothing and tossing it straight into the trash, she stomped off to the walk in shower. Her little hooves clopped cutely on the tiles. Throwing open the glass door she stepped inside and closed it behind her.

Reaching for the faucet handle, the one thing to go right today was that the new water heater was working perfectly. There was no waiting for warm water as her fur was doused by a warm, steamy blast. She turned slowly in the downpour for a few moments, rubbing her three-fingered hands over herself, relieved when the gloop seemed to be water soluble. She looked down at her hooves to see it gurgle and slurp away down the drain.

Rubbing the water out of her eyes, she reaches out a grabbed her bottle of deep cleaning shampoo that was ironically also a dark green color. She popped open the lid and took a sniff, enjoying the scent of tea tree oil and cucumber. Squeezing a hefty dollop into her hand, she started scrubbing it through her fur, working up a nice, thick lather.

She let out a soft baa as she was enveloped and warmth and scrubbing the thick, wonderful smelling soap through her fur, scrubbing every last inch of herself until she felt the fur squeak through her hoof tipped fingers as it rinsed clean. She could barely see anything through the thick cloud of steam that followed her dripping form as she stepped out of the shower.

Drying her soft fur on a towel that covered up most of her body, she made her way back over to the mirror. Not paying too much attention at first, she reached out to wipe away the condensation, then gave out a bleat of dismay.

“Wha.. wait.. WHAT?! I'M GREEN!!!” She practically shrieked, looking down at herself. Her fur was indeed a pale mint green and her hooves were a much darker shade. Looking back into the mirror she could see that her little horns were the same shade of deep green and even her normally pink eyes had taken on an emerald hue.

“Al! When I get my hands on you I'm gonna… I'm… ah, forget it… I'm tired…”

Not even bothering to wrap the towel around herself, she dragged it dejectedly down the hall to her bedroom. She tossed checked to make sure that there were no green stains on the white terry cloth and tossed it into the hamper. She took a moment to slip on some comfy flannel pajamas, buttoning the shirt up the front before just flopping onto the bed on top of the sheets. She'd overheated a little in the shower and needed to cool down. Before she knew what was happening, she drifted off to sleep.

Morning came, the sun rose, and the birds began to sing in the branches outside of Alice's home. A beam of sunlight fell in through the open curtains of the window beside the cute goat's bed, landing on the back of one of her hands.

The fingers splayed out flat as though trying to soak up as much of the sun as they could. The fur thickened a little, looking shaggy before her hand grew. Her fingers lengthened and thickened and the palm expanded. Her forearm stretched out of the cuff of her shirt before the arm within it inflated a little. The growth spread up her shoulder and through her body. Her breasts blossomed and ballooned out a little causing gaps to form between the buttons of her top as it stretched up, pulled away from her bottoms and exposing her soft belly fur.

It spread to the other arm and up to her head, her horns scraping against the headboard before spreading downwards. Her rump widened a little, straining the durable flannel cloth a bit. Her thighs bulged outwards a bit as her growing hooves stretched away from her cuffs.

The sun continued to rise, pouring more of its light into the room, bathing her in its warm, inviting glow. She gasps, squirming in her sleep, smiling as she feels a warm, comforting energy flowing through her, settling into the pit of her stomach. It was like she had just eaten a bowl of the most wonderful, comforting soup you could imagine.

The growth was more powerful now, more evenly spread throughout her body as she stretched and swelled. Buttons snapped off and were scattered across the bed as her breasts burst forth. Her thighs shredded through the tough cloth, as did her rump. Her fur thickened and took on a lovely shine. The more of her body that was exposed to the sun's rays, the more it seemed to speed up.

It was the crash and the sudden drop to the floor that finally awoke her. She looked around the room, finding that her bed had broken underneath her giant form. Not the first time she had experienced this, she took it in stride and pushed herself up off of the floor. Her horns immediately stuck up into the ceiling. She sighed and prepared to duck out of the room when she felt her horns push upwards, deeper into the plaster of the ceiling. She hadn't just grown, she was growing, and fast!

Gripping the tattered rags of her clothing about her as best she could, she rushed through the house towards the front door. Every window she passed she wanted to slow down for a moment as the wonderful sensation she felt in her sleep returned, but she didn't know how fast she might be growing and didn't want to ruin another house! Each doorway she passed through she felt like she needed to duck down a little more until she finally reached the door to the back yard.

She threw open the door and was bathed in bright sunlight. She gave a soft bleat as the last strands of her pajamas burst and fell away and she was forced onto all fours by the ceiling! Crawling as fast as she could, she squeezed her upper body through the door, barely. She shifted onto her side as her hips wedged in the opening, swelling rapidly as she placed her expanding hands on the outside walls and hauled herself out with an audible CRACK! She shivered and whined a little as she felt her hooves sliding farther back INTO the house as her legs stretched and grew. Crawling rapidly, she pulled herself free of the house and stood up in the morning sun.

She felt herself filled with that wonderful energy again as her fur fluffed out even fuller. She wanted to stop growing, but it felt so good at the same time. She was so conflicted as she slowly backed away from the shrinking house. There was a loud crunch as her deep green hoof came down on the wooden fence at the back of the yard.

“Why is this happening?!”

She suddenly froze. The warmth of the sun replaced by a cold chill as she watched the world around her shrink. The goop that she had been doused with, that turned her green was supposed to increase the photosynthesis of plants. Meanwhile she was stuck outside on a gloriously sunny day. Taking a deep breath, she opened her giant maw to bleat:

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!!!”

[kurtsvonneslut]

Hello, I am looking forward to your neurodivergent dental care post! A couple questions:

Is there an optimal order for brushing/ flossing/tongue scraping/ mouthwash? 

Does mothwash do anything? (Would it help with bad breath?) How do I pick a good one? Are there any non mint flavored ones out there?

How can I make flossing less of a sensory nightmare? Flossing with regular floss gets my hands all spitty, and the floss cuts off blood flow to my fingers super painfully. But single use plastic flossers and reusable floss holders have the floss get loose and start to shred and leave horrible little bits of floss between my teeth.

Also, this is not a question, but information I wish I had figured out much sooner: Your toothpaste should not be spicy or burning. It should not be painful to hold it in your mouth for the 2 mins it takes to brush your teeth. The inside of your mouth should not be shedding layers of skin after you brush your teeth. If your teeth are incredibly sensitive and painful, but your dentist sees no problems, and none of the typical remedies are helping, it might be an irritant in your toothpaste (mint in my case) that is worsening your sensitivity.

ty for sending this in!!! i will be talking about a lot of this in my post but let me answer your specific questions here. (for long posts like this, i’ll put the most important info in bold for my fellow adhders who have trouble understanding big chunks of text!!)

the best order is floss, scrape, mouthwash, brush. the floss and tongue scraper will loosen up all the gunk, and the mouthwash will rinse it away and disinfect your tissues. after brushing, if you can tolerate the feeling, spit but don’t rinse, leave the toothpaste sitting on your teeth so the fluoride can sink in and be even more effective.

mouthwash is mainly used to neutralize bacteria on your tissues, meaning your tongue, gums, and cheeks. listerine mouthwashes are the best ones on the market. the original formula is pretty comprehensive but they have lots of varieties, like one specifically for gum health, an alcohol-free formula, and more. i believe they also have a variety of flavors. ACT mouthwash is also decent if you can’t find a non-mint listerine, and i know they have kids’ mouthwash that have milder flavors. it can definitely help with bad breath, especially in combination with tongue scraping! bad breath is also a common byproduct of dry mouth, for which therabreath rinses are super helpful.

i also have horrible sensory issues with traditional string floss, so i pretty much exclusively use floss picks. if you’re finding that they’re coming loose or shredding, my guess is that the ones you’re using are of pretty low quality, and/or your teeth are very crowded and it’s difficult to work the floss in between them without damaging it. i have the same problem with a lot of crowding in my lower teeth.

the oral-b glide floss picks are my favorite (they also have a glide string floss!!) the floss itself is very strong and shred resistant, and the handles are easy to grip. they make an unflavored one too, if you’re sensitive to mint!! the reusable floss holders are nice, but they’re too many steps for me so i just use the disposable ones.

a water flosser can be helpful too, but i find them very difficult to use. they’re also not as effective as manual floss, so if you’re using one, dentists still recommend using manual floss at least once a week. pro tip: fill your water flosser with a 50/50 mix of water and fluoride mouthwash!

i’m just going to draw attention to that last bit. your toothpaste should not burn. if your toothpaste causes pain, a burning sensation, or any damage to your soft tissues, you likely have an allergy to an ingredient in the toothpaste. stop using it immediately and talk to your dentist about an alternative.

p.s. every product i mentioned in this post should be available at any pharmacy or grocery store with a pharmacy section, but it’s also very common for dental offices to carry free samples!! ask yours if they do before spending money on a product if you’re unsure about it :)

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This blog is for educational and informational purposes only. This does not constitute providing medical advice or professional services. Information on this blog should NOT be used for diagnostics or treating a health problem. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified dental health provider regarding diagnosis and treatment of a dental condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this blog.