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depressedhatakekakashi · 2 years ago

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Tell me a story I already know.

Words: 3872

@kkgweek

Mortal life was fleeting. One minute there was a new life, screaming their greeting to the world that awaited them, and the next another life faded away. Their soul leaves their physical body and joins Itachi or Sasuke in the afterlife where they would spend the rest of their time relaxing.

There were exceptions to the rule, of course.

Mortals who were cruel in their lives would find themselves greeted by Hana’s dogs. A feast for hungry hounds who had lost their own lives to mortal cruelty.

Not all mortals were cruel, though. Some had hearts full of kindness and a desire to do good. They were the ones who stepped up and used what little power they had to try and make a difference in the world. The people who reached out and helped others when they were down, regardless of their situation.

Those souls went to Obito, and he painted the skies above with them. He placed every single precious soul into the night sky, a brilliant light that shone brightly over the world.

The kind-hearted were the ones who were able to see how the world they spent so little time in continued to grow. Hanging in the sky for eternity watching over the future.

Then, of course, there were the privileged.

Souls that did not need a place in Itachi or Sasuke’s domain, or Obito’s skies.

The select few who the gods had deemed worthy of being reborn into new lives so that they could continue what they were doing, for better or worse.

From Kakazu’s most devout worshipper, who dealt in lies and money hoarding, to the priestess whom Ino spent her mornings with until the day she took her dying breath.

The mortals who had been lucky enough to reach such a status in the god's eyes were far and few between. Some had been mourned upon their passing and had meetings held in their honour among the gods. Arguments had been made for their rebirth, and some were against it, but in the end, Mito and Hashirama rarely allowed one of them to walk away unhappy. Even Danzo and Kakazu, the worst among their ranks, would be heard out and supported if the pair deemed their pleas worthy.

There was only one mortal who didn’t fit this method. One who stood apart from all the others even though he shared a spot in the god’s eyes as one of those privileged mortals.

Maito Gai.

Not once had the gods sat down to discuss Gai. There was no point in doing so.

As soon as Obito had decided that he would give this mortal another chance at life, all others accepted it without complaint. Even Kakuzu kept his opinion to himself, not wishing to stir up problems among the others over something that he deemed ‘frivolous’.

No matter how many times Obito brought Maito Gai back to the land of the living, no one said a thing.

There were no whispers among the gods when he was first reborn as a warrior, ready to spill blood for his village, or when he was brought back again five hundred years later as a farmer tending to his fields. Even Danzo, full of judgement and hatred for every living thing, didn’t dare speak a word when Gai was brought back once again as a Prince, destined to rule over his village when he was old enough.

And not once did any of the gods dare to complain when Kakashi spent his days disguising himself as a mortal so that he could spend his time alongside Gai.

Not until today, at least.

“You visited him yesterday,” Rin followed him through the school hallways, her disguise a tad unsettling for Kakashi. It was rare for her to follow him into the mortal domain, and when she did she often preferred to keep herself hidden away rather than putting in the effort to change her look for mortal eyes. “Why do you need to visit him again today?”

Kakashi ignored her question, focusing on following the small school hallways toward the classroom where Gai would be. There were still five minutes left of class, but he didn’t care. Gai’s students had come to know him as Hatake Kakashi, a farmer that lived outside of the village and came to visit his friend once in a while.

They wouldn’t care that he was hanging around. To them, his presence was as natural as the sun rising in the morning.

“Come on,” Rin continued to prod. “Talk to me, Kakashi. Usually, you take at least a day. Wouldn’t visiting him too often ruin your backstory? Or are you planning to change that?”

“I could.” he agreed, though he hadn’t put much thought into it. The background he had chosen for his mortal disguise was perfect for him. It gave him an excuse not to be seen in the village streets too often, and an even better excuse to be missing for long periods.

A farmer's work was demanding. If he had to spend a week tending to his field to ensure a bountiful harvest, no one would bat an eye. Though Gai had gotten into the habit of trying to offer his aid during harvesting season. An offer that Kakashi was almost willing to accept if it didn’t mean having to build a farm from which to harvest produce.

“You know, if you start shirking your duties just to visit him Mito and Hashirama will have to step in,” her voice dropped, a more serious tone taking over from the cheerful ribbing that had been present a moment before. “If it’s bad enough they might even send Madara.”

Stopping in his tracks, Kakashi turned to face her. “That won’t happen,” he promised, reaching out to cup her face and smiling when she leaned into his hand. “You know me better than that. The hounds are precious to me. I would never leave them to do their work without my presence.”

If he did that, they might revolt, and the last thing the world needed was eight angry hounds capable of whipping up various degrees of storms running around free. Pakkun and Bull might be fine on their own, and Garuko would attach himself to Shisui’s side, but the others would cause havoc.

The world was not capable of withstanding them without Kakashi.

“I’ll take care of my duties,” he promised. “But my time with him is always so…”

“Fleeting?” Rin offered a tender smile. “I know. Just don’t get caught up in this, alright? We all know how it ends.”

A thought that Kakashi had no interest in entertaining at the moment. There were memories for him to make. Precious moments that he could spend with Gai at his side, alive and happy.

There was nothing else he wanted to think of.

“Three hours,” he promised. “I’ll meet you by the sea as the sun is beginning to set and we can leave together.”

“And then?” she probed. “Will you come back tomorrow?”

“I will take a break. Two or three days.” the total amount he would decide later. When he was relaxing beside Dog leg lake with Pakkun and the other hounds at his side.

Satisfied with his answer, Rin turned her back to him and headed back down the hallway toward the exit. “Try not to be late,” she called back to him cheerfully. “I don’t want to watch the sunset alone.”

Kakashi couldn’t help but chuckle. As if Rin was ever alone.

Worst case scenario, if he was late Kisame would happily take his place. The God of Chaotic waters might try to act as though he had no interest in spending time with anyone outside of Itachi and Hidan, but everyone could see where his affections lie.

He would never leave Rin sitting alone.

“Now,” Kakashi looked down the hallway and smiled when he saw the door to Gai’s classroom. The school was rather small compared to other villages, with only three classrooms spread across two hallways, and as with everything in his life Gai had made sure that his classroom door was more extravagant than the others. With drawings that his students had made plastered all around the door frame, and a giant tortoise painting on the door itself, it was hard to miss the classroom. A fact that Kakashi was always thankful for since he had a rather terrible habit of getting lost in his thoughts and walking right past the place he wanted to be. “I wonder what they’re learning today.”

Shifting his feet, he continued down the hallway and stopped directly in front of the door. Hearing laughter on the other side of the door, he grinned. Whatever Gai was teaching today must have been entertaining, because he could hear every single student laughing.

“What a fun gift,” he whispered to himself. “To hear everything I wish.”

Most days he hated it. Mortals were so loud and demanding, wishing for everything they possibly could and never being pleased with the lives that they were given. There were times, though, when the ability to hear every single mortal separately was a gift.

Like right now, when he was close enough to pick out each laugh and identify who it belonged to.

Even Neji, the most prime and proper student who never dared to crack a smile unless he was outside of the classroom, could be heard laughing. The sound of his joy was a bit lighter on the ears, but no less vibrant.

Unable to wait any longer, Kakashi reached out and grabbed hold of the door, sliding it open slowly so as not to disturb the classroom.

“Sensei, Sensei!” Lee leaned forward in his seat, holding his hand high above his head. “Tell us another fable, please.”

There, directly across from the open door that Kakashi was now standing in the middle of, stood Maito Gai in all of his glory. With a dazzling smile on his face and a book in his hands, he looked like the picture-perfect example of a teacher.

“We only have four more minutes to class, Lee,” his eyes landed on Kakashi, his laughter growing even more cheerful at the sight. “I don’t want to hold you all back.”

“Don’t lie to us, Sensei,” Tenten giggled as she looked over her shoulder at Kakashi. “It’s not us you’re afraid of holding back.”

Just like the goddess she was named after, Tenten was firey and unafraid of voicing her opinion. An opinion that seemed to catch her Sensei off guard, leaving him a blushing, sputtering mess of a man.

“Please, Sensei,” Lee insisted. “I’m sure Kakashi-San doesn’t mind waiting a bit longer. Just one more Fable.”

Gai stared directly at him, an apologetic look in his eyes. Both of them knew that the kids would never let them hear the end of it if he said no and called an end to the class, and honestly, Kakashi didn’t want him to.

He wanted to hear what it was that had the kids laughing so much. What stories had brought them so much joy that he could feel their delight in the air around him? Whatever it was, it had to be good. So with a shrug of his shoulders and a smile of his own, Kakashi provided Gai with the permission he needed.

“Alright,” Gai chuckled. “One more fable,” The classroom erupted into cheers. Even Neji, who was still sitting in his seat, was smiling a bit brighter at the prospect of another story. "Any requests?”

“Oh, what about the birth of humans?” One student suggested.

“No, let’s hear the one about how the God of Death fell in love with the Goddess of Animals!” Another called out.

Kakashi chuckled at the second suggestion. There were many tales told of how Itachi and Hana came to fall in love, but so few got the facts right. There was not a single tale he had heard that included the fact that Itachi had brought Hana her three companions' dogs after finding them on a battlefield, newly orphaned after their mother had been killed amid the fighting. Even fewer stories included the fact that Hana would always use the souls of lost animals to send her lover messages down in the underworld, allowing him a moment of joy when a baby crow’s spirit came flying down to him.

“How about the God of Storms?” Neji pipped up, a smile tugging at the edges of his lips as he stared at his Sensei. “You always tell those stories the best.”

“Oh, yes!” Lee cheered at his classmate's suggestion. “The God of Storms stories sound so much better when you tell them, Gai-Sensei.”

It was amusing for Kakashi, seeing the way Gai cast his eyes downwards and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. To see the other man so embarrassed was a rare treat. Gai was someone who carried himself with confidence and determination. No matter what others said he always held his head high and kept a smile on his face.

Except when his students mentioned a certain God.

A God which none of them were aware was standing in the room with them as they spoke.

“Please, Sensei,” Lee continued to please, disregarding his teacher’s embarrassment completely. “Tell us the story of how the God of Storm met his mortal love.”

“His Mortal love, hmm?” Gathering himself up, Gai returned his focus to his students and smiled that brilliant smile of his. “Well, I can’t say no to telling you my favourite story.”

With that decided, he began weaving his tale of epic warriors, grand love, and heartbreaking loss.

A story which Kakashi had lived through. Which he could easily pick apart, removing the inconsistencies and downright incorrect information, but which he chose to keep his mouth shut for.

After all, Gai’s students were right.

Kakashi may have lived through those beautiful, heartbreaking moments himself, but the way Gai told the story made it seem all the grander.

Brisk autumn air blew against Kakashi’s face as he waited outside Gai’s favourite dango shop.

Once Gai had finished his final story and shoed his students out of class, promising them more fables after a hard day's work tomorrow, he had made quick work of packing up his things and heading for the door, greeting Kakashi with a warm hug and a gentle apology for being late.

It was Kakashi who had suggested Dango, promising to pay this time around with money he had claimed he received from selling some of his produce at the town market. In reality, he’d picked a little bit of change out of one of the wealthier villagers' pockets and asked Rin to leave them a gift at their home in return.

A small thank you for borrowing just enough money to buy some treats for him and Gai.

“Here we are,” Gai stepped out of the shop and held out one stick of Dango towards him. “I hope you weren’t too cold waiting for me.”

Shrugging off his friend's concern, Kakashi took the stick on Dango and waved towards the open street. “Shall we go for a walk?”

“A walk sounds nice,” Gai agreed. “Especially with such good company.”

“Good Company,” Kakashi snorted as they began making their way down the street, side by side. “I’m sure you could find better company than me.”

Gai shook his head. “Not a chance. There’s no one in this entire village I would rather spend my day with.”

A blush crept onto Kakashi’s face at Gai’s compliment. “Well,” clearing his throat, he stared down the path. “That was quite the story you told today.”

“It was the fifth one I told them,” Gai chuckled. “They finished their studies early, but I hate dismissing them before school is over, so I always tell them a fable or two when that happens. As a treat.”

“That’s quite the treat,” The two of them made their way through the streets, dodging the occasional villager who happened to cross their paths without even acknowledging them. Too wrapped up in each other’s company to pay anyone else attention. “An educational treat, of course.”

“Of course,” Gai laughed. “It’s not school if they’re not learning something at every moment.”

“And instead of teaching them something valuable for their lives, you choose to tell them fables of old, obsolete gods?” It was stupid for him to say. Kakashi was well aware that the gods were far from being obsolete, though they were rather old. He lived amongst them. Spoke to them. Sometimes he even enjoyed spending time with them, though those feelings of joy were usually saved for Rin, Obito, Ibiki and his father.

Still, Kakashi wasn’t a god at this moment.

He wasn’t someone who knew Hashirama and had seen him fighting with Madara while standing in the sky above all of mankind.

Right now, at Gai’s side, he was nothing more than a simple farmer. Someone who toiled in the fields, made sacrifices to the God of Harvests when it was time to reap the reward of his hard work, and read cheesy romance novels.

“Fables are valuable,” Gai defended himself. “They teach us the beliefs of our ancestors. How they viewed the world and tried to understand everything that was happening around them.”

“But that’s not why you tell your students those stories, is it?”

Gai stopped in his tracks, a fond expression on his face as he watched Kakashi stop a few steps ahead of him. “It’s not why I tell them, no,” he agreed. “I tell them because they’re beautiful.”

“Beautiful?” Kakashi blinked. “I’m certain not every fable you tell is beautiful, even if it comes from your mouth.”

Even Gai's sweet voice couldn’t make the fables that were told about Kakazu, Hidan, Danzo, Orochimaru and many of the other gods any more palatable. There were even fables about Kakashi that were less than savoury. Tales of his anger that could scare children so bad they wished never to see rain again.

Storys that even he wished he could forget.

“You’re wrong, though,” stopping in his tracks, Gai turned to face him. “You’re so smart Kakashi, but…you’re wrong about this. Every fable, no matter how gruesome or cruel, is beautiful.”

The words catch him off guard. Not because of what Gai was saying, but because of how he was saying it. There was so much passion in his voice. Such kindness and warmth, that Kakashi couldn’t help but believe him.

If he truly thought that Fables were beautiful, even the ones that existed to warn mortals of God’s tempers, then who was Kakashi to argue? How could he ever question the way that Gai saw the world when he couldn’t even view the world without Gai in it?

“What’s your favourite?” he asked without thought, surprised by how easily the question fell from his lips. “If you have a favourite, of course. Most people do, right?”

Gai’s smile stretched across his face. Blinding white teeth shimmered in the sunlight as he stared into Kakashi’s eyes. “My favourite?” he asked. “That’s a rather difficult question to answer. I love all fables. Each of them has unique qualities that make them wonderful. If I had to choose a favourite though…” he leaned his head back and stared up at the sky. “I would choose the fable about the god of storms and his Prince.”

Kakashi’s heart ached at the reminder.

The prince, Gai in a past lifetime, had been the one chance he had to grow old beside his friend. Though he’d never admitted his feelings to Gai, too afraid of interrupting the Mortal’s life in favour of his fleeting moment of happiness, he had come close all those years ago.

There was no other time in Gai’s many lives that Kakashi had met him as a kid and adjusted his mortal disguise so that he could grow up beside him. They’d spent days side by side, playing in the castle’s garden, messing with the palace guards, and just having fun.

Prince Gai was a man full of kindness and wonder. A man who had the opportunity to live a long, fulfilling life, dying at the ripe old age of sixty in a bed surrounded by his wife and children, with the god standing off in the corner.

Kakashi had been invisible to the others, but Gai could see him. He’d looked right at him, past his wife and his oldest son, and smiled. When he’d passed into the afterlife, his mortal soul leaving his body, he’d lingered there over his bed looking directly at Kakashi.

A moment that the two of them shared, that no one would write about until three hundred years later when Kakashi dared to tell the story of the kind Prince to a brave knight the day before his final battle.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Gai continued, his smile growing fonder as he continued to stare up at the sky. “What it would be like to have a god fall in love with me.”

Kakashi’s fingers itched to reach out and cup Gai’s cheek. His heart called out to him, begging him to grab hold of Gai and tell him everything. To assure him, even just for one lifetime, of how loved he was.

His hand stayed at his side, though, never moving for fear of being slapped away.

“He’d be lucky,” he whispered instead, determined to make his feelings known in some small way. Even if Gai never knew just who it was speaking to him. “To fall in love with someone like you. That would be a gift, I think.”

“A gift?” Gai’s eyes landed on him once more. “Kakashi, I am hardly a gift.”

Giving his head a shake, Kakashi stepped forward and lifted a hand. Though he didn’t reach out to cup Gai’s cheek, but instead extended a finger and poked him gently in the nose.

“It’s your turn to be wrong,” he whispered, eyes glued on the man in front of him,

watching as he processed his words. “There’s no one in the world more worthy of a god’s love than you.”

“Kakashi…”

Dropping his hand back to his side, he looked down the path in front of them. “The Prince,” he whispered, thinking back to those days when he would run around the castle garden chasing after dogs and stealing pastries from the kitchen. Snacks that he and Gai would scurry away into their little hideaway in the Gaint tree that grew outside of the west tower where they could eat as much as they wanted without being interrupted. “You’ll have to tell me that story one day.”

His memories were sweet, but hearing them from Gai himself would be all the more pleasing to his ears. Maybe, if he closed his eyes and imagined hard, he’d find himself back in that Garden with Gai at his side smiling and laughing.

Or maybe, if he was lucky, he’d make sweeter memories here. With the village teacher who smiled brighter than the sun itself and told stories with such enthusiasm and love that even a God couldn’t help but hang around and enjoy them.

Note: Art done by the amazing, talented, sweet, beautiful @animetrashmuffin who willingly puts up with my Kakagai crap every year to make me pretty art and who really blew me away with this piece. <3 <3 <3 thank you so much !!!!

#KakaGai #God of Storms AU #Hatake Kakashi #Maito Gai #Nohara Rin #God of Storms Kakashi #Teacher Gai #Kakagai Week #Kakagai week 2022 #Kakagaiweek2022

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heartandfangs · 2 years ago

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NOT IF IT'S YOU— PART ONE.

GENRE University AU, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Romance, Angst, Smut, Fluff

PAIRING Nerd!Heeseung x f!Reader

WARNINGS 18+ ONLY MDNI, Jealousy, Cursing, Making out, Arguing, Anxiety, Depression, Flirting, Mentions of food, Brief violence, Brief mention of alcohol, Brief mention of somnophilia, Crying (all sorts), Degradation, Breast worship, Multiple Orgasms, Squirting, Coming untouched, Heavy spit play, Light BDSM, Edging, Spanking, Oral Sex, Unprotected Sex, Cream Pie, Dry humping, Praise kink, First-time blow job, Ball sucking, Fingering, Cum eating, Ear licking, Biting, Public Sex, Light bondage, Dom!Heeseung, Brattysub!FemMC, Sub!Heeseung, Softdom!FemMC, Other OC’s

SUMMARY Befriending a nerd who wants nothing to do with you in a coding class you want absolutely nothing to do with becomes the challenge of the semester— and you’re determined to ace that shit no matter what. WORD COUNT 29k (Fic Total)

AUTHOR’S NOTE Long time no see— it’s P, the romantic at heart! This one’s for the people who play otome games, whose favorite spot on campus is the library, and who are afraid to be loved but want to love as hard as they possibly can.

Enjoy my contribution to the tropey Uni AU genre! Also wtf thank you for 1k followers (If you’re a minor please unfollow me. Idc if that puts me way back under. If you’re not, thank you, and stay tuned bc I will do something to celebrate… once I get through 6 months worth of notifications rip)

See end of part two for author’s note cont.

Masterlist, Part Two

“Have you ever gotten the random urge to give someone a blow job?”

You lifted your head from your notes, eyes wide and scrutinizing. Why did your friend have to be so damn loud in the library, of all places?

A scoff barely escaped your mouth before you dived back into your textbook, “There’s not a person with a dick on this university campus that deserves one from me. Why? Have you?”

“All the time, but especially when I’m on my period,” Rin confessed, “Hormones.”

“Oh, I bet.”

I don’t know how Rin finds the time to think about these things…

Your friend pouted while drumming her pencil against the communal library table as if she could hear your judgemental thoughts. There were more important things for you to worry about, clearly.

You sighed as you began to pack up your backpack to catch your most dreaded class of the semester, coding.

It was an elective you immediately regretted taking, but you swore to yourself to see it through to expand your skill set. Unfortunately, it was just a week into the semester, and the horrid feeling that you would fail a class for the first time was way too real.

Rin continued to spew nonsense, “Maybe I should check this dating app—”

You slung your backpack over your shoulder and ruffled Rin’s hair on your way to the elevators, “You are a slut, aren’t you?”

“Please stop acting like you’re not,” Rin rolled her eyes and raised her voice just enough to carry over the bookshelves and be heard by unsuspecting students, “There’s only so many otome games one can play!”

“Shhh!” You hissed at her to shut up, eyes shooting daggers at the snickering girl.

She must’ve been spying on you every time you pulled out your phone to take a break. What did she have against your little games? After your first relationship went up in flames, they were a pretty decent replacement for dating and soon became an addictive hobby.

They were great time-killers, required minimum commitments, and had a plethora of eye candy to choose from. Even if you did screw up, you just needed to wait a few days to replenish your lives. Plus, they all fit in your pocket…

And they could never break your heart like your ex had.

‘I’m gonna kill you’, You mouthed at her over your shoulder while slamming your fist against the elevator button.

Rin tapped her lips with her middle finger and sent you a flying kiss. Deep down, she hoped you’d come across a sweet boy for your own good.

While you stared at the colored lines of code on the monitor in front of you, determined to at least figure out how to embed one damn photo onto your website for tomorrow’s critique, your silent tablemate on your left tapped away at his keyboard with ease.

Everything about the guy screamed overachiever; it was 45 minutes after class had ended, and he was still working away on his project after everyone else had left.

Meanwhile, you were pretending to know what you were doing by typing in some random characters and then immediately deleting them. Being the anxiety-ridden person you were, you managed to work up a nervous sweat, your palms going numb.

Fuck, this is embarrassing. I should just leave and figure it out once I get home.

The student next to you didn’t seem to have any issues, but then again, the course you enrolled in was actually a combined class with different levels, and clearly, this wasn’t his first course in the subject. It was definitely an odd curriculum; you weren’t sure why you hadn’t read the class description more thoroughly.

“Hi! Mind if I sit here?” You asked the student earlier upon seeing the closest open seat available.

The boy didn’t say hello, he merely spared you a glance, adjusted his glasses, then resumed the staring contest with his computer screen.

“Okay…” You said with a touch of annoyance in your tone. His eyes barely shifted to your face in response, and then he was back to typing.

His standoffish attitude from the moment you walked into the class and took the closest open seat next to him irked you more than it should’ve.

It wasn’t until you sat down next to him that you were thrown off by how big the guy actually was, but even more so, the faint scent of sweet lavender wafting off of him. You weren't sure whether it was cologne or detergent, just that it somewhat reminded you of your favorite macaron flavor.

How unexpected. Well, that ruins it, you thought.

Even if the guy smelled pretty damn nice, he was snooty in your book. If he didn’t have such an aloof attitude about him, you might’ve befriended him just to reach out for notes in the class in case you got sick.

Rin often called you a prideful bitch, and you’d brush off her accusations, but deep down, you knew her words had some weight to them. Prideful was a fair adjective; your strong desire to handle your own business kept others at bay, which was great for someone like you who liked to be left to your own devices.

Though pride paired with stubbornness wasn’t necessarily the most beneficial combination when finding oneself in a pinch…

Nearly two hours of the class begrudgingly swept by, and you were still stuck on the initial steps, your brain utterly confused by the jumble of lines and coding rules you had to adhere to. It was a huge struggle to keep up with the pace the professor taught, let alone ensure the material stuck in your brain.

It also didn’t help that the boy next to you had the audacity to pull up a window of manga on the side to read while you were struggling your ass off.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed at him.

Now, the class was well over, and you still managed to convince yourself to stay even though the shit your professor covered in lecture went in through one ear and out the other.

After such a long day of stacked classes, your facade slipped, and you dropped your head into your hands. If you were honest, some of your pride slipped along with it. Since you were so busy, the last meal you had eaten was yesterday’s dinner, and you were starving. There were tons of other class assignments you hadn’t even touched yet.

You bit your lip and watched the boy out of the corner of your eye, debating for a solid minute if you should ask for help. At this point, you were just wasting precious time that could be spent running to the nearest McDonald's for a burger.

In the name of efficiency, you decided to reach out for help from the person you least wanted to ask— but just this once.

“Hey. Could you show me how to add an image to my site? I can’t figure it out even though I tried to follow the directions….”

First, you saw the boy’s brown eyes widen ever so slightly before he looked over you in consideration.

If he says no, I guess I’ll go fuck myself.

“Sure.”

Oh.

Feeling your heart flood with relief, you replied gratefully, “Thank you.”

You were taken aback when you watched him slide off his chair and drop to his knees by your side. He leaned over the edge of the table to take control of your mouse and keyboard, his attention fixed on the debauched code on your screen.

Really, you two could’ve just switched seats, but you decided to let him do his thing while you tucked your hands under your thighs and watched. Your brain was beyond trying to make sense of what he was inputting into your code.

Funnily enough, the silence between you two was even more awkward than it had been before you spoke to each other. Still, you refrained from distracting him, wanting to get out of there as soon as possible.

After a minute, you decided to check him out instead.

Your eyes shifted between the computer screen and his calm, concentrated features since you hadn’t really gotten a good look at him before.

His black, wispy bangs hung just over his dark eyes, and his circular, silver-rimmed glasses sort of amplified their roundness. They held a touch of naïveté in them– but when you looked at him from the side, they were sharpened due to focus.

Admittedly, he had the softest-looking set of lips, the kind that anyone would easily be jealous of. The slope of his nose was just as cute, to your annoyance.

Your eyes trailed downwards to the pronounced curve of his throat, but just for a moment before returning your attention to the screen of code.

He was attractive in an unexpected sort of way.

It actually was kind of sweet that he’d be willing to kneel on the questionable floor of the computer lab to help you out. You wondered if he was trying to make up for ignoring you at the beginning of class.

“Is this the photo you want to add?” He hovered the mouse over the recent file in your downloads folder.

“Yeah.”

You must’ve really fucked up your code because the slowest five minutes passed before he clicked save on your program, and most of it you spent trying to act like you hadn’t been staring at him every other second.

The boy finally stood up with the slightest groan, and to your dismay, the sound went straight between your thighs.

Woah there.

“Try refreshing that,” He instructed while rubbing at his kneecaps through his jeans.

With the click of a mouse, you refreshed the program to see a jpg of your favorite Shrek meme pop up on your otherwise bare-bones-looking website.

“Wow— it actually works. Thank you,” You were unable to help yourself from beaming up at him, rather impressed at his efficiency.

He merely nodded, averting his eyes.

Was he older than you or younger? Did he work on the weekends? Have a significant other? A myriad of ridiculous questions bombarded your mind.

“What’s your name?” You asked.

That was a good, normal place to start.

“Heeseung,” he stretched his arms over his head and winced at the slightest crick of his shoulder. All your eyes could focus on were the sharp lines of his waist peeking out under the edge of his sweatshirt.

You introduced yourself as casually as you could, “My name’s ___. This really isn’t my thing, so thank you.”

“Anytime,” He said simply, rubbing at the back of his neck.

In a flash of a second, the shameless part of your mind dared to imagine how that shy expression of his might twist into one of pleasure— how his breathy sighs would fill your ears while he was hunched over, bracing himself on the table. At the same time, you pictured yourself between his long legs, mouthing kisses over his bulge, watching him twitch above you all the while.

‘Who’s the slut now?’ You could already hear Rin’s ridiculous comments; she must’ve poisoned your brain with the thought.

Feeling yourself starting to go slightly demented from the turn of events, you excused yourself and threw your supplies into your backpack to leave as quickly as you could, entirely oblivious to how Heeseung stared after you on your way out.

Heeseung meant it when he said, ‘anytime.’

From that day on, there wasn’t an instance where he didn’t hesitate to help when you asked him for it. Each day, you grew less and less hesitant to ask him for assistance which was… interesting.

What was even more unbelievable was that he never asked for anything in return, and you were so grateful, so smitten by him. The assignments you received were absolutely distressing, yet Heeseung didn’t appear to resent your requests and was always more than willing to lend you a hand. Based on your life experience, that was far from normal.

There was a question that you just had to ask a few weeks into the semester when he was helping you work on one of your projects for the nth time.

“Honestly, do you like doing this?”

Heeseung leaned back in his chair and appeared contemplative while stretching his wrists. “No. Coding is a tedious process, but if you’re referring to helping you,” He looked at you with an earnest gleam in his eyes and gave you a small smile, “Yes, I really like helping you.”

It was the first time you felt your heart skip in a while.

Right then and there, you could’ve dropped to your knees and let him use your mouth however he pleased. Fuck everyone else in the class; you would’ve done it.

On a serious note, it was unfortunate that you had nothing to offer him of value in the class.

Your creative mind worked so differently, and you two didn’t share any other classes you could help him with. So you often tried to make up for it by conversing and attempting to get to know him.

Emphasis on attempt.

The downside to your interactions was that he rarely engaged with you on the occasion, even when you tried to initiate a casual conversation with him.

“What are you always reading during class?” You glanced over at his screen curiously one day.

Heeseung was always quick to minimize the extra window when you caught him. “Nothing much, just manga. Need something?”

“What? I— No, I was just wondering,” You’d quirk a brow at him, and he’d return to his task.

Every time you came into class and took the same seat next to him, you’d greet him, and he’d greet you in return but left it at that. After assisting you with an issue, he’d always quietly turn back to his computer and pick up where he left off. Maybe you’d be able to get in a question or two, but he hardly talked up a storm.

Even when you probed him about his life, Heeseung merely gave short replies or shook off your questions. He was so difficult to get to know and apparently didn’t care to hold a conversation with you outside of coding. Still, you were insistent because you were a relatively private individual yourself. Really, you tried to understand where he was coming from.

“I’m so glad I don’t have classes after this,” a yawn escaped your lips as you covered your mouth with your hand.

Heeseung’s typing never ceased, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” You stared at his profile, waiting to see if he’d continue the conversation. After a second too long of waiting, you asked, “Do you have any night classes?”

“I don’t. I have work.”

You perked up in your seat. “Oh? Where at?”

“I’m actually about to change jobs, so it really doesn’t matter,” Heeseung responded curtly.

You sank back into your chair. “Oh. Sorry.”

He turned to look at you as if to say something, an apologetic expression nearly taking hold of his features, but he seemingly held himself back and returned to his work.

Still, within the coming weeks, you grew curious about his family as well. One day your curiosity was at its peak, and you rattled off questions about any possible siblings he might have. That was less intrusive than asking about a significant other, right?

“So, are you an only child, or do you have any siblings?” You probed during a particularly long day and difficult class session. When one’s brain was already fried, it didn’t hurt to completely give up on figuring something out, especially if you had Heeseung.

Just for today, you promised yourself as Heeseung was clicking away at your keyboard, helping you out as usual.

“... I have a brother,” Heeseung hesitated, “Stepbrother, actually. He’s a student as well.”

“No way? Same major as you?”

“No…” and he left it at that, making you wonder if they weren’t on the greatest terms... Or if he just didn’t care to share more of his life with you.

Nonetheless, your attempts to converse with him day after day eventually took a toll on you. Clearly, you were bothering him with the questions, but it’s not like you just chose anyone to put effort into getting to know. Why couldn’t he understand that? Most people would’ve loved getting asked about their life and would easily drone on and on about themselves.

Rin would cackle at you now if she only knew of your circumstances. As if you would ever tell her with the shit way things were going.

God, I should just stick to my little otome game apps with automated responses.

After several weeks of your relationship with him going nowhere, your savior became the source of your frustration.

Guys never helped you out without an ulterior motive or expecting something in return, so it was almost inconceivable to think someone like Heeseung existed. His caring personality subverted your initial expectations of him, and you knew his selfless actions came from a sincere place, but still…

This had grown beyond needing his help in class. All you wanted to do was get to know Heeseung because you had taken a genuine interest in him.

Was that asking for a lot?

The day you walked into class and plopped into your seat without saying hello to him, Heeseung knew something was up. The boy had gotten much too used to your greetings every day.

Barely able to contain your irritation with him, you stared straight ahead at your screen and got to work, despite feeling his eyes on you.

Beside you, Heeseung was desperately trying to read your stoic expression. He’d glance at you meekly, and look back at his computer for a few seconds, only to peer over at you again.

This cycle went on for the next few minutes until you heard him greet you first, for once.

“Hey, ___–”

“Hey,” You barely spared him a look and settled back into your workflow just as swiftly.

Stumped by your odd behavior, Heeseung drew his hands into his lap and fell quiet once more.

Just when you thought he’d leave you be, Heeseung pulled up to your side in his rolling chair, that signature lavender scent of his invading your senses. His knee bumped into yours but stayed there.

“Do you need my help with anything?”

“No, thank you,” you replied coldly.

You saw him wilt out of the corner of your eye, and something vengeful in you felt good about making him feel the way you’ve felt for the past months. The other part of you just felt plain guilty.

Feeling suffocated, you abruptly left the class to get some fresh air. You were hoping the open-air foyer filled with wooden benches would grant you a moment of reprieve.

Choosing the farthest bench from the entrance, you sat down and propped up your legs, pulling your knees close to your chin. The evening breeze swept across your flushed cheeks, and you were mortified to realize tears were threatening to spill down them.

It was childish of you to reject Heeseung’s attention once you finally got it, but… you couldn’t help it. You knew the attention wasn’t due to any sort of genuine feelings toward you; it was merely your petty behavior that provoked him.

Was this how it felt to be rejected while trying so hard to befriend someone? Is this how people felt when you made them jump through a hundred hoops to get to know you?

You thought back to when you took the chance to let someone in for the first and last time. Had you just been too much? Or maybe not worth the trouble?

If that were true… maybe that was the reason your first love had cheated on you.

Old feelings bubbled up in your chest, and suddenly everything really felt like shit.

To make things worse, you were sulking. Even though Heeseung could tell something was up and was trying to diagnose the situation, he still infuriated you. If anyone had to deal with an aloof individual for as long as you did, you were sure they’d go crazy too.

Especially if they were as cute as Heeseung was.

Fuck.

There was no way you were about to cry in public over a boy, the most angelic, frustrating boy you’ve ever met.

Not everybody reciprocated people’s feelings equally, and it was simply life to deal with it. Still…

Once you buried your face into your arms, you released your pent-up emotions with a shaky breath, letting the hot tears fall and soak into your jeans. You decided to stay there for a while, long enough until you knew everyone in class would be gone, so you could rest assured no one would see your pathetic tear-stained face.

It was a good half hour after class ended before you made your way back to collect your belongings and catch the bus to head home. Somehow, you cried for the majority of it as quietly as you could.

It actually helped a bit, as it had back then.

When you pulled open the door, you froze like a deer in headlights.

Heeseung stared up at you with wide eyes from where he was sitting; he was the only one left in the class, which you hadn’t counted on.

He wasn’t waiting for you, was he?

“Um…” You trailed off and slowly turned to leave again, but he was already out of his seat, making his way toward you.

Jesus—

You were hardly ever standing next to each other, so facing him head-on at his tall stature was intimidating, even with his cardigan and those nerdy glasses of his. Perhaps it also had to do with the unfamiliar look in his eyes and the intense concern in them.

“Are you okay?” He reached out to touch your arm, but you stepped back and caught him by the shoulders, holding him back at arm's length.

Unable to look at him directly, you stared down at your shoes next to his, eyes stinging again as if you didn’t just spend half an hour crying.

Just seeing his face and hearing his voice brought on a flood of confusing emotions.

“Yeah? I-I’m fine,” You insisted.

Even though Heeseung couldn’t see your face, he saw your tears fall onto your sneakers and felt your grip curl into his shoulders.

“___, if it’s something I said or did…” Heeseung’s voice went soft, and you nearly jumped when you felt his hands slide over yours, his thumbs stroking comfortingly over your skin, “You can tell me.”

His mere touch slowly brought your anxiety down, one stroke of his thumb after the other— at the same time, it sent shivers along your skin.

It’s what you didn’t say or do.

Fear threatened to cut your voice off completely. You took several deep breaths, trying to sort out your thoughts so that you could properly convey how you were feeling.

Here was your chance to be honest with him from the get-go. It was scary, but you needed to try.

“I consider you as someone who I’m really grateful for, Heeseung. Especially after how much of your time you’ve given me this semester,” You sighed, glancing up at him even though your vision was blurry, “You’re a really talented guy. It’s just impossible to get to know you because you like to keep to yourself. I think I understand why you do. Even I don’t like letting other people in all the time...”

Something seemed to click in his mind at your words; you saw his lips part ever so slightly in realization, his eyes widening a fraction.

“... But it’s still hard to be on the receiving end of that. However, if that’s where you want me,” You pulled your hands out of his, letting them drop to your side, “Then there’s not much I can do about that.”

Quietly, you brushed past him and packed your backpack in a hurry to leave.

Heeseung fell silent behind you, and when you left him, you kept your eyes trained on the floor.

The next day, you remained in a foul mood as you chose to sit on the opposite side of your table to avoid the tension of being next to Heeseung for two hours straight. As you expected, the student who usually sat there confronted you about it.

“Hey, this is my seat. I’ve been sitting here all semester.”

You didn’t care to grant her your full attention and continued typing, “I don’t see your name on it.”

It was definitely a shitty thing to say, but you couldn’t bring yourself to give a damn at that moment.

She was stunned into silence and subsequently stomped over to the next row to take her seat next to Heeseung. There was no doubt that he overheard your confrontation.

Class sped by while you were laser-focused on completing everything you needed to get done for that period— without Heeseung’s help. At least one good thing came out of taking notes and watching Heeseung work these past several weeks; your evolving skill set. You were far from excellent, but you had gotten at least a bit better with the basics.

This time, you didn’t plan on sticking around after class.

It seemed like Heeseung was prepared for you not to because the moment you stood up and bolted to the door, he was already out of his seat, hot on your trail.

Heeseung called out your name.

You ignored him, even as he easily caught up with your pace. His silence yesterday already confirmed all you needed to know about how he felt about you.

He caught your elbow, and you stopped to look him dead in the eye. “What do you think you’re doing? Let go.”

Heeseung immediately released you, “Sorry, I just wanted to talk—“

A menacing force slammed into your back, propelling you straight into Heeseung’s chest. Someone halfway down the hall called out a sarcastic apology, but it barely registered— you were startled by how Heeseung steadied you against his hard body.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” You scowled, already shaking his hands off despite your body aching at the feeling of him so near, “What did you want now?”

Heeseung‘s eyes wavered, but he managed to hold your scrutinizing gaze.

“Do you want to grab dinner?”

He really felt the pressure of an impending ‘no’ when all you did was stare at him.

You frowned, “What?”

Heeseung gulped but continued, “You don’t have any other classes for the day, right? There’s a really good Thai place just on the edge of campus, and their Pad Thai is the best— at least within a 20-mile radius.”

Was he doing this all of a sudden because he pitied you?

“You don’t need to do this.”

Heeseung looked like he was on the verge of panicking, but just as quickly, a sense of determination overcame him.

He took a step forward, “But what if I want to?”

You looked off to the side, “I’m confused. Why all of a sudden?”

“I know it’s like I’m doing this out of the blue,” He sounded in a rush due to nerves, so he slowed down his speech, “I’m not good with words, and it’s true that I’m easily distracted by my classes. But I do care about you, ___.”

Your chest throbbed as he peered down at you from under his lashes with furrowed brows, “I know I’m usually pretty distant, and I can’t make up for everything in a night, but I really would like to talk with you over dinner… only if you want to join me.”

Heeseung’s expression appeared so hopeful, and his gaze held an amount of tenderness that had you shifting your weight under the unusual attention you were receiving.

What was that look he was giving you?

He felt you brush by him, and he hung his head.

Heeseung felt his stomach twist with guilt, he knew you wouldn’t give him a chance after how he’d been treating you—

“… Fine.”

Heeseung straightened up with wide eyes and turned to face you as you set off in the completely wrong direction.

“It’s this way,” He eagerly called after you.

You came to a quick halt, then turned back around, crossing your arms, “Lead the way then.”

He smiled to himself when he heard the unmistakable sound of your stomach grumbling ever so faintly.

Walking across campus with Heeseung was convenient because the majority of people made plenty of room for the two of you, all thanks to the giant by your side. Usually, they’d have no issue bumping shoulders with you or overlooking you.

Must be nice to be able to part seas of people, you thought enviously.

Heeseung remained quiet for the majority of the walk except for mentioning a direction here and there. All the while, you were trying to anticipate what Heeseung might have to say to you once you got to the restaurant.

The sky grew to be a deep orange by the time you entered the quaint Thai restaurant at the front of the campus. A simple aqua blue neon sign that read 01 Thai shone across asphalt above an old, cream colored building. While you considered their signature menu options, you turned Heeseung’s words over in your head.

“I do care about you, ___.”

Do you really?

“And what would you like to order?” The cashier asked you.

“Oh. I guess I’ll try the Pad Thai.”

“Anything to drink?”

“Just water, please,” You absentmindedly dug in your pocket to hand over your card, but Heeseung was already handing over his.

Your brows drew together as you quietly glanced up at him, not wanting to make a scene.

He gave you a nervous smile, “My treat.”

You looked over your shoulder for seating, “I’ll Venmo you later.”

“No need,” He shook his head, guiding you to a corner table.

“I will.”

Even from across the small wooden table, Heeseung sensed your lingering discomfort, understandably. He looked like he wanted to say something, but so did you, so he waited.

After a contemplative moment, you met his eyes and folded your hands on the table. “Heeseung, don’t tell me you're doing all this just because you feel bad.”

“No— I mean, in a way, yes. I know how I can be, and I’m sorry that you had to deal with that. I never meant to hurt you the way I did.”

I really did emotionally throw up on him yesterday, and his silence didn’t make it any better. Even now, I still feel high-strung about the whole ordeal, but he seems sorry about it…

“Listen, I get that you feel guilty, but if you really do just want to be friends, there’s no need for anything crazy. Just talking would be nice to start.”

“Right...” He stared right at you.

Your brows knit together once more at the uncertainty in his voice.

“Right,” Heeseung repeated, almost to himself, “That’s doable. Although guilt plays a significant part in driving me to do what I’m doing… Please know it’s not my only motivator.”

Heeseung startled you when he reached out to take one of your hands in his. You still looked utterly confused, so he exhaled softly before squeezing your hand and running the pad of his thumb along your knuckles, just like he did back in class.

Goosebumps immediately broke out on your skin from the heat of his touch.

Oh.

Behind his glasses, his eyes were intent; you had his full attention. “I’ve been really out of touch with people these days, and I regret it. However, I had some personal things I was working through. It’s not an excuse, but I do care about you, ___. I hope you can eventually find a way to forgive me.”

At his sudden admittance, your heart rate began to pick up. Immediately you hated how vulnerable his words made you feel, but that also meant that they were real. His forwardness rendered you genuinely speechless; even your mind drew a blank.

It seemed like he could sense it.

“I-I see,” You stared at your daintier hand in his own, then looked back up at Heeseung’s keen gaze.

His brows drew together, and his lips curled upwards ever so slightly, “Am I making you nervous?” He sounded like he was making a discovery.

Heat immediately flooded your face once more, and you took your hand back out of embarrassment.

He gnawed on his lip, his eyelids lowering a fraction, “Sorry.”

A waitress pulled up to your table with a tray of steaming bowls, and Heeseung thanked the waitress as she left while you reached for a pair of chopsticks.

“What kind of question is that?” You mumbled while you picked at your noodles. Your brain was failing to make sense of Heeseung’s feelings towards you.

He didn’t let up.

“You make me really nervous, ___,” Heeseung dared to reveal in a low voice.

As he expected, his declaration drew your attention back to him. Your eyes narrowed at Heeseung, who wore a small yet knowing smile, clearly trying to get a rise out of you.

Is this really the same guy who chased me down to grab dinner with him?

Little did you know the boy sitting across from you was attuned to your every movement— from the quickened pace of your breath to the twitch of your leg when his knee brushed against yours underneath the table.

Naturally, he would be after spending so much time at your side for the past couple of months, taking note of your little habits and mannerisms.

He also knew you’d be skeptical for a while after this, that it would take time to prove his sincerity once more. Heeseung was willing to overcome that by any means.

When Heeseung realized he had stunned you into silence, he finally looked down at his own plate. “I’m sorry, I’ll stop teasing. Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

“Agreed,” You were grateful for the change of subject because you just barely survived his sudden undivided attention. Also, you were beyond famished.

All the while, your mouth was watering at the sight of the food, so you took a bite of the Pad Thai and savored the flavorful spices on your tongue. It was pretty damn good, Heeseung had taste. One bite of noodles, and suddenly, you felt as though you were gaining back your senses.

He’s kind of flirty, isn’t he?

After several more bites and a nice gulp of cold water, you felt ready to hold a proper conversation.

“Don’t bullshit me anymore, Heeseung,” You commented, propping your chin up on your palm.

He chuckled softly, and you squinted his way.

“I’ll try my best, ___.”

Over dinner, Heeseung allowed you to delve into his mind, which was certainly a treat.

Not without difficulty, of course.

His answers remained vague unless you pressed further; it was like pulling teeth, but you could tell he was trying. With enough persistence, he divulged you.

“Do you just really like to keep a low profile?” You asked, referencing his deflection of your attempts at conversing with him during class, “I mean, I figured you just found me annoying.”

Heeseung slowly began, “I wasn’t in the best headspace this semester. Things at my old job weren’t going well at all, and those issues combined with the stress of my classes resulted in me feeling very closed off from my surroundings.”

You scratched your cheek. “I see. How does that usually affect you?”

“I tend to isolate myself under pressure, and it becomes difficult for me to connect with… well, those around me,” Heeseung explained, running his fingers back and forth over the grain of the tabletop.

“Hm, that’s tough. Honestly, you always seem like you have your shit together.”

Heeseung shook his head, “It’s… a facade of sorts.”

“Well, a lot of people have one,” Your eyes wandered down to your plate, it had been scraped clean for a while.

The shop was empty save for you two, it must’ve been growing closer to closing time, what with the moonlight shining through the windows.

“Yeah? What’s yours?”

Ah, now it’s his turn to take a shot at me.

Being vulnerable was difficult, especially with all of Heeseung’s attention on you. Silence fell over you two, but he waited, even when it felt like you weren’t going to speak.

“Probably enjoying being alone. Not that I don’t, but it depends on how I’m feeling that day. I see independence and loneliness as two sides of the same coin.”

It was the truth, to an extent. You enjoyed the benefits of being independent, but there was a fine line between that and being lonely.

“It’s a normal human thing to go through,” You shrugged.

It’s how I’ve always been, and it usually keeps me safe. But I can’t believe I just admitted that to another person, let alone Heeseung. Though that’s the whole point of this conversation, isn’t it?

“Um, anyways…“

“I’m sorry if I ever made you feel lonely.”

Your eyes flitted to Heeseung’s expression; he seemed cautious yet sincere.

“Don’t be. It’s not your responsibility to make me feel otherwise.”

It was a difficult realization to come to, and as such, you gave a detached response. In due time you’d have to see if he meant everything that he said.

With an inward sigh, you felt disappointment replace the anger that had been slowly filtering out of your system for the past hour. Heeseung was willing to try to be friends, which was more than you could’ve asked for, so deep down, you fought your desire for him. You were being given the chance to take things day by day and come to terms with the reality of your situation.

“Besides, being lonely is a good skill to have. It’s weird to say out loud, but I really think it is,” You stated, glancing out the window into the dimly lit streets, “It’s useful and easier than most people think.”

When Heeseung said nothing in response, you turned to look at him once more, wanting to hear his voice.

Something from him, anything.

Instead, you met those dark brown eyes behind his glasses; they contained a mix of something you couldn’t place and a tinge of sadness, but most surprisingly– knowing.

You fidgeted with the hairband on your wrist. “What? What’s wrong?”

Heeseung spoke, “Nothing… What do you mean?”

His question seemed hollow as if he feigned confusion; his eyes told you everything yet nothing, all at once– like he could see right through you.

You shook your head, voice coming out as a whisper, “I don’t know… You’re making me nervous again.”

“Sorry,” Heeseung blinked and shifted his eyes elsewhere, and suddenly you felt like you could breathe, but just barely.

He distractedly removed his glasses to pinch at his nose bridge, and that’s when your breath caught in your chest.

A slight smile tugged at your lips, “Hey, you look different without your glasses.” You were apt to change the subject.

“Oh, really?” Heeseung moved to adjust them back in place quickly.

“Wait,” you leaned over the table and placed your hand on his to stop him, wanting a better look, “You look really handsome. Not that you don’t with them on, but….”

Heeseung noted how intrigued you looked, the fascination brightening your features. It was certainly a contrast to the way you regarded him just a moment before. “I’ve worn glasses my whole life. I don’t look odd without them?”

“No, but I think you’re cute either way—“ You curiously brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes, and his brows rose in surprise.

Upon realizing what you had done, you promptly sat back in your seat and stuffed your hands in your pockets.

“I— You just look different,” You tried to cover up your embarrassment with a smile.

You hadn’t intended on getting touchy, but you just couldn't help it. Then again, he comfortably initiated way more physical contact with you today than he had all semester.

Heeseung quietly glanced off to the side, and then his eyes were back on you without a moment’s notice, observing.

Ah, there’s that churning sensation in my stomach again.

Even though you could see his eyes clear as day, you couldn’t read him as easily this time.

“Thanks,” His eyes flitted away as he fixed his glasses back in place.

Uh-oh. Did I mess up? Did I turn him off by touching his hair? Or with my comments on his appearance?

“We better go, I think they’re closing,” You rubbed your cheek while throwing your backpack over your shoulder, “Thank you for dinner.”

“Sure. Thanks for hearing me out… and for sharing,” Heeseung led you to the door and held it open for you.

His voice sounded odd, almost tight.

“Yeah...”

It had been a rollercoaster of a day so far; you weren’t sure what kind of note you were going to end it on.

The brisk night air hit your skin and made you shudder. You turned towards the bus stop across the street, anticipating an arrival soon, “I’m headed over here. I guess I’ll see you in class?”

When you glanced back over your shoulder, Heeseung was looking after you in such a way that caused you to freeze. His demeanor had shifted from the start of dinner to now like there was a barely tamed intensity about him. He felt unpredictable— he even seemed on edge.

What was going on? Maybe you really stepped on his toes earlier with your comment about his glasses. It certainly wasn’t your intention; you meant it as a compliment.

He could’ve been self-conscious about it, you idiot!

Heeseung gave you a curt nod, “Get home safely, okay?”

You frowned.

“Okay…” You paused before giving him a quick hug.

Next to free food and a bit of communication, hugs diffused most escalating situations, right?

But even to you, it felt like a blur; you barely gave him enough time to return it, and then you were slipping out of his grasp just as quickly as you had drawn close.

“Bye,” You whispered.

Taken aback, Heeseung dropped his arms to his sides as he watched you jog across the street to board the bus that arrived a moment before and nearly took off without you.

He inhaled deeply.

Now, his whole body ached.

Oh, he hated you even more for that.

The cold suddenly seeped into his skin. It hadn’t affected him until you left his side.

Your bus took off just as his phone faintly vibrated in his pocket. He lost count of how many times it had gone off during his dinner with you, but he hardly paid it any attention. He ignored it for the past two months but couldn’t bring himself to block the number.

Finally, he decided to answer it.

“Heeseung! Do you know how many times I’ve called you today? And the day before? Over the past eight fucking weeks? We were supposed to meet–”

“I was at dinner—” Heeseung immediately kicked himself for even sparing an excuse. There was no need to anymore. “Please stop calling me.”

His thumb hovered over the button to hang up and block her number; he should’ve done it earlier.

“Don’t do this to me, love.”

Anger slithered up his veins, “How else do you expect me to act after all that you’ve done?”

“What you saw wasn’t what it looked like—“

Beep—

That’s what she’d said in the hundreds of voicemails she left, or so he guessed. Listening to one was sufficient.

From that day on, Heeseung dialed back on the forwardness he displayed in terms of physical contact with you, and you couldn’t figure out why for the life of you. However, your conversations in class were plentiful and on friendlier terms, save for the interesting underlying tension that persisted through his frequent teasing comments and lasting stares.

That’s not to say there was a complete absence of flirtatious touching, he simply wasn’t as outright with it. But you noted each subtle instance with amusement whether it was a tap on the shoulder, a bump to the knee or an accidental brush of hands when he’d reach for your mouse.

He seemed somewhat back to normal compared to how you left him that one night, but something definitely changed between you two.

On the other hand, you soon discovered the breadth of his sense of humor. The off-handed, dry comments he’d whisper about some odd gesture or explanation the professor would make had you snorting in your seat— turns out you weren’t the only one who occasionally got annoyed with the way your professor taught.

Even so, together, you both managed.

Thai food after class became a routine for you both, a couple of times a week. Ever since Heeseung made an effort to open up, sometimes you’d talk up until the last bus was available for you to catch if he didn’t have work, and other times, you’d work on assignments together.

For every question you asked him, it tickled you that he had one for you of equal measure. These brief moments with Heeseung stood out from your otherwise mundane campus life. Unfortunately, things didn’t always go according to plan.

One evening, a meeting with your advisor concerning your schedule for next semester ran over time significantly and you were 30 minutes late to your dinner at 01 Thai with Heeseung.

The frigid air lashed across your face the moment you stepped outside the administration building causing you to wince. It was an evening filled with storm clouds, and the sun had long set; it was starting to get darker earlier in the day. You reached into your pocket to update Heeseung on your whereabouts but let out a frustrated grunt when you realized your phone had died on you.

Fuck.

The restaurant was on the complete other side of campus so you decided to cut through a back way that was a bit more obscure but quicker than usual. The first droplets of rain hit your skin before it turned into an outright downpour by the time you were half way across campus.

Just my luck.

There weren’t a whole lot of shaded areas along the buildings in the back route you took so you braced yourself through the chill until the droplets began to feel like ice pellets. It was too much so you chose to take shelter when you came upon the first shaded area that came into view near the back exit of a building.

Something on the floor caught your eye as you quickly approached. A dog with soaked fur was curled up on its stomach and appeared to be breathing irregularly. On instinct, you kneeled down to run your hand over its fur, and it let out a thin whine.

“Oh, you poor thing. Where’s your owner?”

You felt along its furry chin for a tag and found purchase in a sleek, black collar. However, there was no tag with an owner's contact to be found.

Maybe it’s a high-tech tracking collar?

With your back against the wall, you slid down to sit for a moment, enduring the mist that the wind blew against you both, cradling the dog close. “I don’t think the rain will let up any time soon… You don’t wanna come with? You just wanna stay here and wait for your owner, huh?”

The dog merely blinked up at you.

“Alright, then you need this more than I do. Hopefully they’re just around the corner…”

You shrugged off your jacket and used it to dry off the pup a bit before swaddling it in the fabric. After you finished and went to scratch its chin, it licked your palm non-stop.

“You’re welcome,” You stood up with a giggle and readjusted your backpack. Although it was storming, if you let Heeseung wait any longer it would give him the wrong idea.

You received stares from other students the moment you stepped through the restaurant doors since the single layer of your T-shirt was soaked through. Immediately you crossed your arms over your chest but made a beeline towards Heeseung who sat in the corner.

He looked you over with concern.

You couldn’t help but stutter from the cold, “S-sorry. My meeting ran late with my advisor and my phone died—“

“It’s okay, I figured. Weren’t you wearing a jacket in class earlier?”

“I—I may have given it away…”

“To who?”

“To a dog I saw on the way here…?”

You realized how ridiculous it sounded once you said it out loud, but the soft spot you had towards canines made you do silly things from time to time.

Heeseung raised a brow at that, “Did you just lose it?”

“Sure, I lost it on this awfully cold day, ” You rolled your eyes.

Heeseung shook his head with a snort, and tugged his hoodie over his head, “Well, why don’t you change out of that?”

A chill racked through your body but you brushed it off, until you glanced down to see your shirt plastered to your body and around the prominent outline of your black bra.

“Um….”

“Here,” Heeseung deposited his hoodie into your arms before you could refuse, “I’ll ask them for a plastic bag to hold your clothing. Your food just came out, so go change.”

“Thanks.”

As you ignored the stares from others occupying the restaurant and clicked the restroom door shut, you gave yourself a once over in the mirror.

There really wasn’t a spot on you that wasn’t damp. You stripped out of your top and bra then proceeded to squeeze them out over the sink before tossing them into a plastic bag. You dried down as much as you could with a wad of paper towels then tugged Heeseung’s hoodie over your head.

Immediately, you were enveloped by his scent; a light sweetness with new undertones of soft musk you hadn’t detected before. The fabric was still warm against your skin with his body heat which made you feel odd.

You slowly tugged the collar up to your nose then dropped the fabric abruptly.

Let’s not make this weird. It certainly beats being cold and wet.

Heeseung eyed you once you remerged. “I ate already and was about to go looking for you to drop off your food.”

You plopped down across from him. “Yeah, sorry. Do you have to go soon?”

He glanced at his phone screen. “In about 10 minutes, for work. I’ll hang out for a while, though.”

“You don’t wanna work on an assignment while I eat?”

Heeseung pressed his cheek against his palm and leaned onto his elbow, his languid eyes on you, “Mm-mm.”

You stared at him before proceeding to shovel the tasty noodles into your mouth, “Okay.”

Heeseung chuckled, “How’d your meeting go?”

“Fine, I guess. My advisor thought he screwed up and almost made me think I had to take an extra two classes, but we straightened that out. I’m on track, and I’ll have a decent load to finish off next semester since it’s my last.”

Heeseung looked like he was in thought as you shared your schedule with him.

“None of those classes ring a bell.”

That fact bummed you out, more than you’d ever show. “Oh, really? What’s your semester looking like next year?”

“Hm, since it’s my last semester too, I’m thinking of going for an internship, it’s about time.”

You dabbed at your lips with a napkin, “That’s actually really good. I need to do that…”

“It’ll help when you apply for jobs, for sure.”

The impending doom of your future weighed heavily on your shoulders, and Heeseung seemed to notice you suddenly felt burdened.

“So, you like dogs?”

You glanced up mid-chew, “I do!”

“Did you really give a dog your jacket?” Heeseung squinted.

“Would you believe me if I said yes?”

“Maybe the second time around,” He was amused at how you pouted, “What breeds do you like?”

“I like all breeds. The funniest dogs are ones that are like humans. During last thanksgiving there was this one dog at my aunt’s that wouldn’t let me pet him at first. So, I let him be and sat in the living room alone, but every so often he would saunter in and get closer to me every time,” You laughed at the memory, “Then eventually he got so close, I just stuck my hand out and he pressed up against me for pets. Finicky but adorable…”

Heeseung cleared his throat, and wore a sheepish expression, “Sounds like it… You don’t own any dogs?”

“Not yet. I’m saving up and waiting ‘till I’m done with school. I want to be able to give it the attention it deserves.”

“I think that’s smart.”

You sighed, “Yeah… I wish I had one.”

As you finished your food, Heeseung finally said what was truly on his mind.

“You should be more careful about walking around campus without a working phone. It gets dark faster these days,” He began.

His scolding caught you off guard.

“I am cautious, I’m not dumb,” You interrupted, “And I didn’t mean to. I would’ve charged it in the library or something but I didn’t want to keep you waiting—“

“It would’ve been fine if you left me waiting a little longer to do that. It’s such a big campus where anything could happen when you least expect it, so you should always have your phone on,” Heeseung motioned for you to hand over your phone, “And I know you know that.”

You pouted but dropped it into his hand, and he connected it to a portable charger he took out of his backpack, “Alright, mother.”

Heeseung sighed but gave you a small smile anyways.

“Are you still at your old job or did you start your new one already?” You asked since Heeseung felt at liberty to say what he wanted.

Heeseung’s eyes turned troubled. “Still there. Just for a little while longer.”

You pressed, “Where do you work?”

Heeseung’s lips parted to answer but he seemed to think better of it.

“It’s not the greatest place,” Heeseung checked his phone and stood up, “Sorry, I’ve gotta go. See you.”

You bit your tongue. “Won’t you get all wet if you’re walking to work?”

“Uber,” was all he said with a tight smile, “Don’t worry about it. Get home safe.”

Heeseung left you his charger as he stepped outside into the rain, the deep slope of his shoulders inciting a sense of regret in you. Perhaps you shouldn’t have pushed him on the topic when it was clearly sensitive for him. He didn’t deserve your snappy attitude after he expressed his worry for you either… but you knew he wouldn’t hold you to it because that’s the kind of person he was.

When you weren’t grabbing dinner with Heeseung, there were evenings when you would pour over your studies and meet Rin in the library, like you always had.

“So, how are your otome games going? On to the next one?” She questioned.

Oh shit. You’ve been neglecting your pixel husbands basically since the start of the semester—

“I actually haven’t touched any games in a while.”

“Really now?” Rin seemed unsurprised at such a revelation as she continued, “How about that coding class? These days you seem less stressed about it….”

“Yeah, I finally picked up a thing or two. There’s actually this guy who’s been—“

Rin jumped out of her seat and pointed at you accusingly, the screech of her chair drawing annoyed looks from other students.

“I’ve been fucking waiting for you to bring him up!”

Your eyes widened, “Wait, how do you—”

“Shhhh!” Someone hushed.

You both put your heads together and dropped your voices to a whisper.

“How do you know Heeseung?”

Rin explained everything in detail, perhaps too much detail. Figuring out Heeseung consulted her the day you cried in front of him made your face burn.

Apparently, he hung out enough in the library to recognize Rin as your friend, although you certainly had never seen him while studying.

“Truthfully, at first, I was mad at the guy for upsetting you; the dude was too honest for his own good and actually told me he was in deep shit with you. I nearly caused a scene in here, but he seemed really apologetic and genuine about wanting to make things right with you.

So, I told him food was the way to your heart, but I warned him you’d be a little stuck up about paying for yourself. Seriously, you have the weirdest eating schedule just to achieve ‘optimal efficiency’ and avoid ‘brain fog’ or whatever,” Rin grinned.

Well, she wasn’t wrong. Free food definitely helped on top of everything else Heeseung managed to pull off since then.

“I appreciate that, but I can’t believe you knew about everything the entire time,” You felt a tad guilty for not looping her in on the situation, having thought she would’ve teased you about it, “And that he actually went out of his way to ask you about me….”

You couldn’t help but look at him a little differently now. He was serious.

“Well, I only knew what happened up until that day, but you seemed better these past several weeks, so it looks like my advice worked.”

You slid further into your seat and stared up at the ceiling, “Yeah, I suppose it did.”

“I didn’t want to ruin anything, so I stayed quiet. He’s very cute,” She grinned at you.

You paused, “We’re just friends.”

“What? All that drama for a friendship?”

“Hm…”

Rin rose an impeccably plucked brow at you.

“Yes,” You sighed, patting her head.

Your friend pouted, “I would’ve guessed otherwise, girl. There’s still time, though.”

Was there?

Soon enough, another month had flown by— finals were around the corner, and both you and Heeseung were typing up code for your class project when you ran into your first distressing issue in a while.

You called to him without taking your eyes off the screen, “Hey, something’s off, and I can’t figure out what. I swear if it’s just an extra period somewhere, I’m gonna—“

Heeseung was at your side in a heartbeat, “Let me see.”

You scooted your chair over to make room for his, but he got comfortable on the floor. “Stop kneeling. You know you’re gonna permanently fuck up your kneecaps, right?”

“I’m used to it,” He said simply before he froze up as if he had said something wrong.

Assuming that he was poking at you, you scoffed, “I don’t ask you for help that often anymore, Hee.”

Heeseung cleared his throat and got to work on your code, “No, I know.”

While you waited for him to finish diagnosing the issue, you secretly inhaled his familiar, comforting scent of sweet lavender out of habit.

You saw him smirk out of the corner of your eye.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Seriously, what?”

He shrugged, “You’re doing that thing you do every time I get close.”

Fuck. When did he even– Fuck—

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The tapping of keys halted.

A mischievous lilt made its way into his voice as he faced you, “We’re gonna go that route?”

“Yes. Yes, we are because you are not going to out me here,” You hissed under your breath.

“Ha, so you admit that you do take a whiff—“

You took hold of his jaw and forced him to face your computer screen, “Focus.”

Heeseung eyes darkened, but he let out a chuckle.

You were pressing two fingers to your temple and looking anywhere but at him, so you failed to notice. For the moment, you put aside your pride and stayed quiet until he figured out what the hell was wrong with your project.

God, how embarrassing.

A few keyboard and mouse clicks later, and Heeseung was settling back into his seat. “It was an extra period on line 976.”

“Of course it was,” You rolled your eyes and heard him laugh even harder. He was quick to figure out how often he could test your patience…

“Why do you always smell like pastries?” Your sudden question came out as an accusation.

At this point in your friendship, you found yourself blurting out random things that were on your mind when with Heeseung, and he managed to learn how to go with the flow.

“I bake in my spare time,” He said, clearly amused.

You gawked at the new discovery, “I—I guess that explains it….”

“I’ve always baked, it’s sort of just a hobby I never thought to share.”

You swore there was always something to learn about the guy, even at the quick rate that you’d gotten to know him.

“Well, what do you do with all the stuff you make? Keep them all for yourself?” You jabbed at Heeseung.

“No, I just…” His voice quietly tapered off, so you were unable to catch his last words.

“You what?”

“I’ll just give it away to the homeless on the street if I deem it edible,” He muttered.

“Huh,” You turned to Heeseung, “That’s actually really sweet.”

“It’s nothing,” He pressed his lips together and continued, “By the way, I just started my new job, and my shift is in the evening, so… we’re going to have to postpone Thai nights.”

“Oh. You started your new job finally?” Your heart and stomach dropped; you were so looking forward to it before you’d have to really buckle down for finals, “I guess we’ll have to postpone them. The timing, though….”

Postpone them until when? The two of you had completely different tracks from here on out. Would he even want to hang out with you next semester when there was nothing else to bind your schedules together?

Heeseung leaned over to rest his elbows on his knees, appearing contemplative while watching you cycle through the endless thoughts in your mind.

“I work at this new cafe about ten minutes away from campus. Do you want to drop by and check it out after class? If you want, you could study there until I get off, and then we can have dinner at my place.”

Dinner at his place?

He saw the way your eyes blew up, and he couldn’t tell if it was in shock or excitement.

“Don’t feel pressured, it was just a thought,” Heeseung brushed off a piece of lint on your knee, his touch lingering, “I get off at around 10:00, so it’d be a later-than-usual dinner.”

“S-sure,” Your voice pitched unusually high, and you nearly threw up in your mouth.

Geez, calm down!

Heeseung looked pleased as he stood up from his desk and slung his backpack over his shoulder, “Shall we?”

The moment you stepped foot in the new cafe, your body appreciated the drastic change in temperature inside, the weather was extremely chilly these days. Didn’t change the fact that you’d order something iced, though.

“Take a look at the menu, I need to get changed, and I’ll be right out to make you something to drink,” Heeseung ushered you further into the store, his hand at your lower back.

“No problem,” You held Heeseung’s warm gaze and forgot to breathe.

As Heeseung set off to the back, you exhaled and took in the bright, cozy interior of the cafe along with its high ceilings. Evening light filtered through the tall windows, casting the whole place in warmth.

What a nice cafe to work at. I could study here more often too.

The aroma of ground coffee beans and sweet pastries filled your nose, causing your brain to perk up at the thought of caffeine even though it was evening. The people that occupied the space were relatively quiet– the seats were mainly filled with a few students and young professionals.

An empty table was waiting for you in the corner, so you set down your belongings there and pulled out your wallet. Curious about their menu, you returned to the counter to consider the items.

A handsome, light-haired young man eagerly approached from behind the bar upon seeing you, “Hi there! What can I get for you?”

Your brain raced for an answer even though you were supposed to wait for Heeseung. “Um, I’ll try the iced matcha latte….”

“Perfect,” He gave you a thousand-watt smile, “Anything else I can get you? We have macarons that we bake daily.”

“Sure,” You considered the colorful rows of macarons behind the glass counter, “I’ll try a lavender one and a vanilla bean.”

As the boy picked out your macarons, you imagined how Heeseung might look like working his shift here, from his mannerisms to his barista skills and if he dealt with customers easily or not. It was something you’d never thought of previously since you had no clue about his work.

“I threw in a couple of other popular flavors on the house,” the boy gave you a wink, making you blush unexpectedly.

“Oh, thank you so much!”

The barista took a step to his right without taking his eyes off you and bumped right into Heeseung, who suddenly appeared. You noticed he looked especially cute in his work uniform, somehow fitting your exact image of how a barista would look in his white button-down and his chestnut-colored apron. A smile made its way onto your face; his glasses completed the coffee connoisseur look.

“Sorry, man—“

“Hey, no worries. I’ll ring her up,” Your eyes widened at the slight insistence in Heeseung’s voice that left no room for argument, “Jake, meet ___.”

“Hey,” Jake gave you a little wave, despite looking a bit confused at why Heeseung intercepted.

“___, this is my friend Jake. He also goes to our University,” He mentioned while tinkering with the cash register.

You took out your card and gave Jake a shy smile, “Oh, nice. Great to meet you.”

He winked at you, “Likewise.”

Apparently, only hot people work here, you surmised.

You thought you saw Heeseung pout at the exchange between you and Jake, but whether or not he actually did, he ignored your card and handed over your bag of macarons, swiftly stepping away to prepare your drink.

“Wait, I need to pay—“

“I’ve got you. It’ll just be a few minutes,” he called over his shoulder and got to work.

Your cheeks grew warm.

Why did he have to act so sweet sometimes?

“I mean, I knew you had a girlfriend, but you should’ve told me she was dropping by,” Jake chuckled as he pulled up by Heeseung’s side.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“She’s not?” Jake questioned.

“But I’m interested in her,” Heeseung clarified while frothing your matcha latte a bit too aggressively.

“Aw,” Jake moped, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, “That’s too bad, she’s kinda….”

When it went silent, Jake playfully glanced over at Heeseung, who was staring him down. He slapped him on the back, “Only messing with you, dude.”

“Right.”

Just as you finished unpacking and settling in at the corner table, Heeseung approached with your matcha latte in hand and set it down in front of you.

“That was quick,” You felt giddy getting the special treatment.

“Give it a try, and let me know if it needs anything.”

You stirred the pretty green liquid with the straw and took a sip, glancing up at Heeseung as you did so. Heeseung bit his lip and tilted his head expectantly.

“It’s perfect.”

“Good, just let me know if you need anything,” He smiled, but before he could leave, you caught his sleeve.

“Wait, have a macaron before you go. Jake gave me a lot,” You randomly chose the dusty pink one that smelled like roses and held it up for him to take.

Instead, he drew close, placing his hand on the back of your chair to steady himself, parted his lips, and waited. You glanced up at him to check if he was joking, but the glimmer in his eye said otherwise.

Woah—

Brain on autopilot, you fed it to him, and he took a bite out of the fresh macaron.

He licked at his lips and smirked at you, “Thanks.”

After he disappeared behind the counter, you dropped your forehead into your hand, flabbergasted. You just knew your face was so red.

This crazy ass—

What, did he expect you to finish the remainder of the macaron?

This was too much for you to handle– Heeseung was too much for you to handle today.

And, of course, you finished it.

Two hours flew by at your table while you were jamming to some nostalgic tunes in your own little world while studying for your upcoming finals.

Feeling the urge to stretch, you took off your headphones and extended your stiff limbs with a wince.

Condensation ran down your empty glass of matcha, and you had finished nibbling on your macarons earlier. Besides the lavender and vanilla flavors you had chosen, the rose one was pretty aromatic, and the other strawberries and cream flavor Jake picked out for you was delicious. The snacks certainly whet your appetite, and now you were more than looking forward to having dinner with Heeseung… at his place.

You peered at Heeseung over the top of your laptop as he kept busy behind the espresso bar; Jake was a very charismatic cashier, as you experienced first-hand, while Heeseung was rather efficient at serving up beverages and hopping in to take orders when needed. They seemed to handle themselves well as a team, as far as you could tell from the past couple of hours.

Girls and guys often wandered in to gawk at the two, and you completely understood why. Nonetheless, it didn’t help the surge of discomfort you felt when you caught two girls checking Heeseung out from behind. There was nothing you could do but seethe in your seat.

Relax. They’re not the ones headed home with him tonight.

Ah, that reminder helped, sort of.

Now you were feeling antsy about the fact that Heeseung had invited you over in the first place. There was no way you prepared in any way, shape or form with how little heads up he gave you, but you couldn’t have easily passed up the opportunity to get a look at his place and spend more time with him.

And if he baked, he had to be a good cook, no?

The chatty girls ended up being the last customers to leave the cafe, except for you in the corner, partially anxious but mostly content because you were alone, and so was Heeseung.

After a quiet period, you were drawn from your studies when a woman who stood out from the average patron strolled into the cafe. She was dressed well enough to convince you that she was a model or at least an influencer of sorts, especially by the confident way she held herself.

Jake welcomed her warmly, and you were about to slip your headphones back on when you heard her speak, “Hello. Does Heeseung work here?”

“Yeah! Do you want me to get him for you? He’s prepping food in the back.”

“Please.”

Who is she? A friend?

Jake made his way to the back kitchens. “Hey, Heeseung! Someone’s here to see you!”

“One sec,” You heard Heeseung call.

The woman stood calmly and patiently at the counter; she appeared to be in her mid-twenties and looked sharp in all-black fashion with a set of alluring, shadowy eyes. An uneasy feeling passed through your stomach at the way she suddenly rolled her shoulders and neck— you couldn’t put a finger on it, but if it involved Heeseung, you didn’t like it.

Heeseung emerged from the kitchen doors, and you became deeply concerned at how his face went stoic upon seeing the mysterious woman. Jake sensed something was off as well and looked back and forth between the two.

“Hi. I hope I caught you at a good time. As you know, I’ve been wanting to chat,” Her tone was overtly sweet.

Heeseung rounded the counter and approached her, dropping his voice to an inaudible murmur.

Whispers were exchanged between them; you focused on trying to read their lips, but it was difficult. They were familiar with each other, that much you could tell. However, they couldn’t have looked like more complete opposites.

Feeling that you were being nosy, you stopped staring and returned to your project at hand, not wanting to overstep any further.

A sharp slap followed by a harsh clatter resounded in the empty cafe, alerting you.

Shocked, your head whipped towards the source of the noise, only to see Heeseung, whose face was angled away from you. Your sights landed on his glasses on the tile floor.

The woman standing in front of him took an easy breath, but the way she flicked her wrist gave away her rage.

Somehow, you were already standing from your seat, crossing the floor, “Excuse me. Did you just–”

The woman kept her eyes trained on Heeseung, “Mind your own business, love.”

Jake jumped in front of you, waving his hands, “Jesus— Easy, easy. I’ll handle this.”

Red filled your vision once your brain registered what had happened, but you had enough sense to stand your ground a safe distance away— for that woman’s sake.

“Get her out of here before I do it myself,” you gritted out.

Jake nodded and was quick to address the woman, “Miss, I’m not sure what’s going on, but you can’t just assault our staff. I’m going to have to ask you to leave immediately due to store policy.”

She eyed you, and her sharp expression slowly morphed into a feigned smile, startling you.

“Just one more thing,” She inclined her chin towards Heeseung, “Then we’ll chat back at my place after you wrap up here, alright, love?”

Heeseung’s gaze flickered at the woman, but he said nothing.

She sauntered up to him, much too close for anyone’s comfort, and reached out to take hold of his chin, her sharp nails gauging into his skin. Stunned, you watched him shut his eyes tightly, how his brows drew together— and then he caught her wrist before she could get any closer.

Heeseung spoke in an extremely deliberate tone, “No. This is the last time I’ll be saying this to you. We’re finished. We’ve been finished. Do you understand?”

As the woman’s fingers curled into a fist, so did yours.

“Leave. If I see you bothering any customers or staff who occupy this space, I’ll let the authorities deal with you,” He warned.

“I’ve taken care of you since we were children, Heeseung.”

The statement took you by surprise.

“We’re done talking,” Heeseung tugged her past you and Jake towards the cafe entrance. She pulled back on his grip, but he remained unfazed.

The two of you watched him take her outside and proceed to lock up the front of the store. Jake quickly followed and began to pull down the blinds as the woman pressed up against the windows. Her eyes slowly dragged over your form in the most demeaning manner.

“Talk about a crazy ex,” Jake murmured to no one in particular, pressing his back against the covered window. You exhaled heavily, speechless at the turn of events.

When you bent over to pick up Heeseung’s glasses and inspect them, you noticed a lens had cracked. One could only imagine how much the slap must’ve stung.

Heeseung touched the small of your back, “I’m really sorry you had to see that.”

Feeling left in the dark, you turned around and gave him a look of confusion, “Exactly how long has it been since you broke up with your ex?”

“Since the start of the semester,” Heeseung answered right away, “This is the first time I’ve seen her since. I don’t know how she found out about my new job.”

“And she still can’t take a hint?” Jake asked while cleaning up behind the register.

“She will now because I’m not entertaining her games.”

You felt relief, but you immediately regretted the question.

What a thing for me to ask after everything that just took place, you thought, ashamed.

“Are you okay?” Your hand was shaky when you reached out to touch his cheek.

His fingers brushed against the back of your hand in reassurance.

“I’m fine. I’ll be better once we get out of here and grab something to eat back at my place,” He managed to give you a small smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

#heeseung smut #heeseung x female reader #heeseung x reader #enhypen smut #lee heeseung smut #heeseung hard hours #enhypen hard hours #heeseung fic #heeseung ff #heeseung fanfic #enhypen hard thoughts #enhypen fanfic #enhypen ff

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antointte · 24 days ago

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͟ຼ͟ ͟ ͟ㅤ ♫ ♱ 🍰 ANTOINETTE , is a fictional six membered k-pop girl group managed by Hyacinth Records. The group consists of members Grace, Mya, Narin, Lena, Yujia & Avery. The concept of the group details the Marie family. After the queen has passed peacefully in her sleep, the question of which of the seven daughters has a legitimate claim over the monarchy of the kingdom of Vienna.

In their highly awaited debut, Antoinette was scheduled to be the very first group to debut under Hyacinth. Due to the unfortunate events of pre-debut group Bluebell's bullying scandal, their debut was delayed and label-mates Opalite went to debut instead. Despite the setback, the public was eager to know what the popular trainees were accumulating in their silence.

On July 1, 2022, an mysterious twitter account by the name of mp4.ribbons posted a teaser of a snippet called “Vanilla”. Throughout the month, cryptic posts from users of the song were revealed in order as users “G", “M”, “N”, “L” with introductions of making a cake. As the weeks passed, the speculation grew louder.

Finally seen on August 1, 2022, the final ingredient by user “A” was completed with a perfect raspberry petal cake with a vanilla swirl on top. The full reveal culminated as girl group Antoinette, their debut mini album “Sugary Sweet”. With the long-awaited lineup, each represented by their initials in the teaser campaign, were introduced with a luxurious, opulent aesthetic that contrasted the typical fresh-faced, humble vibe of most rookie groups.

The title track “Ice Cream Cake” absolutely blew competition out of the water. Antoinette’s popularity surged after their debut, and they quickly became one of the most successful groups. Their theatrical performances, stunning visuals, and undeniable vocals gave them seamless transition into stardom. As of now, Antoinette is one of the top reigning 4th generation acts.

COMPANY. Hyacinth Records

GREETING. “Bonjour, We are Antoinette !”

DEBUT DATE. August 1, 2022

CONCEPT. Royalty, Girlhood, Nepotism, Sisterhood

FANDOM. Chéri

COLORS. Sweettart (E76DAA) Crown Jewel (FFF6D4)

͟ຼ͟ ͟ ͟ㅤ ♫ ♱ 🍰 MEMBERS.

Baek “Grace” Eun-hee, Ishida “Mya” Ahmya, Ryu Na-rin, Bae “Lena” Hyesun, Yujia Lau, Lee “Avery” Jo-Yun

#❚ 🍰 ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა ៸៸ INTRODUCTION.#fictional idol community #fictional idol group #idol au #idol oc #fake idol company #fake idol community #bts added member #fake idol oc #fake idol soloist #seventeen addition #fake idol group #loona #artms #red velvet #aespa added member

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risustravelogue · 2 years ago

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Overgrowth

Summary:

Your overprotective best friend wants to see how your crush treats you with his own eyes.

Featuring:

Best Friend!Tighnari, Alhaitham

Tone:

*chants* Fluff! Fluff! Fluff! Fluff! … with a hint of angst :)

Updated note:

This was originally posted on December 25, 2022, thus the Merry Christmas note. I am not sorry for tagging you again, my awesome brainrot pal Rin and lovely cuz nire 💚 I'm aware of the recent case with Tighnari's EN VA. I want to say that I play Genshin using the JP dub and thus Tighnari's personality in this fic and in my mind is based on that interpretation (if that helps). I would like to extend my sincere well-wishes to the victims and hope this will get resolved soon. Original post here.

Original note:

Merry Christmas!! This fic was written for the Elemental Supercharge collab hosted by @zhongrin. My entry: dendro + dendro = overgrowth. Thank you so much to @nire-the-mithridatist for the beta! Love you cuz 💚 Enjoy~! :)

🔗 AO3 | masterlist 🔗

To say Tighnari is your good friend is an understatement.

You first met him in the House of Daena when you were still teenagers, his ears twitching behind the thick encyclopedia he was reading up for an upcoming exam. You’d seen him a couple of times at the same spot by then—and you, who’d never seen a fennec fox hybrid before in your life, were intrigued. Extremely intrigued. So you did what every curious teenager would do when they met one of his kind: reach out to touch his ears.

“I can hear you, you know,” he said.

You yelped, startled. “Hear me? But I don’t—how did you hear my hand?”

“Aha, so you were reaching for my ears,” he said, looking up from his encyclopedia. A proud smirk was plastered on his lips. “My hearing is very good, you know. I could hear your clothes rustling over the books.”

“With those ears? Yeah, of course,” you blurted out. Tighnari’s eyes narrowed in a questioning look. You fidgeted nervously. “Oh, uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

After a few moments of silence, Tighnari burst into a giggle.

“You’re very straightforward. I like you,” he said. “Everyone else tiptoes around me when it comes to my ears and tail—but not you.” He stood up and offered his right hand to you. His tail swished from side to side in excitement.

“My name’s Tighnari. What’s your name?”

You accepted his hand and told him your name with a sheepish smile on your lips. “Nice to meet you, Tighnari.”

From then on, the two of you have been almost inseparable. He’s a good listener, and not just because of his fox ears. He listens to you when you need to rant—every time. More importantly, he knows when to give advice and when to just give you a pat on the back. When you had a bad breakup with your ex a few years ago, he dragged you to Gandharva Ville for a week-long getaway. He tended to you like one of his patients, but instead of herbal brews, he brought you light novels, chocolate, and your favorite comfort foods: cheese and his mushroom hodgepodge.

You feel truly blessed for having him as your best friend.

—

Alhaitham was your classmate in the course on ancient puzzles that you took as a Haravatat student.

He was known as a top student, and he was very popular with the teachers. Even so, nobody wanted to team up with him for group assignments, because one, he preferred to work alone, and two, he never failed to irritate others with his refusal to pretty up his words. But you had always found him intriguing. He didn’t talk or interact much with other people—partly because they tried to avoid being at the receiving end of his sharp tongue—yet he always managed to figure out how they think after spending only a short time with them. You came up with two possibilities: either he had very strong observation skills, or he had a network of spies in the Akademiya.

You decided that the first explanation seemed more plausible.

So when your teacher told the class to pair up for your final project, you naturally went to him. After all, someone with strong observation skills would be invaluable in solving ancient puzzles.

You walked up to his seat at the end of the class. You noticed that he was reading a book—and archons know you hated it when someone interrupted your reading time—but this was important.

“Hi, Alhaitham,” you greeted.

A pair of eyes with colors like red roses floating in water full of fluorescent moss looked up at you in annoyance. “Yes? What do you want?”

You fidgeted visibly in front of him, trying to appeal to his softer side. “I’d like to team up with you for the final project. The class has an even number of students, as you well know. Do you mind?”

After thinking for a second, he answered with a curt “No,” then reverted his gaze to the book he was reading. You smiled and sat beside him.

Thus began your collaboration with Alhaitham. For the months you worked with him on your project, you never found him to be irritating. He was just always honest when asked about his opinion. He was blunt, yes, but he never did it to annoy you on purpose, which was a good thing in your book. You also found him easier to understand than most people, as his thoughts and actions were always governed by logic. His actions might be unacceptable for most people sometimes, but he always appreciated your feedback on what he said or did.

On the last day of the course, the teacher praised the project both of you have worked so hard on. You nearly jumped out of your seat, but Alhaitham—now familiar with your antics when excited—wordlessly put his hand over yours and squeezed your fingers, stopping you from doing that in the middle of the classroom. You blushed. He’d never done that before—he would usually tap on your arm instead. That was the first time you felt his hand directly on your skin—he was warm, his palms rough and calloused due to handling swords, and his grip on your fingers was both gentle and strong at the same time. His touch lingered for a few moments before he pulled away, leaving you staring at his profile, questions about his intentions rushing one after another through your mind. You had to shake your head violently to refocus yourself.

That evening, you celebrated by having dinner at Lambad’s together. After some small talk, you braved yourself to tell him that you’d still like to meet up with him.

“Do you mind if I come to find you in the library sometimes?” you asked.

A tender smile bloomed on his lips. Your heart skipped a beat.

Since when is he so beautiful?

“Sure,” he said. “I would like that very much.”

It was at that moment you realized you had a crush on him. You found yourself trying to spend more time with him—in the library, in the café, wherever you could find him—and you even attended his thesis defense in a show of support.

However, your feelings for him never bore fruit—you lost touch with him after he graduated, two years before you did. He became busier each day and didn't have the time to hang out in the library anymore. You tried to not pay too much attention to it—it was a fleeting feeling anyway, you thought. You eventually got a very sweet boyfriend in your thesis buddy, but he cruelly broke up with you right after your thesis was completed. You were used, then discarded like a broken toy. Your heart was in a million pieces, and you thought you’d never recover if Tighnari had never intervened. With a heart full of scars, you never thought you’d ever fall in love again.

But then you joined a book club—Alhaitham’s book club. Overjoyed at reuniting with your old friend, you told him your latest updates, including your bad breakup with your ex. He listened intently, then said, “I’m sorry,” while squeezing your hands to comfort you. You found his touch to still be the same—gentle, yet strong. After that heart-to-heart, you can’t help but notice that for someone who claimed he didn’t like to be touched, he touches you a lot. A light tap on your shoulder, a pull on your wrist or arm to steady you when you were being clumsy with your steps, and his fingertips lingering on your skin—you’d never seen him be so physical with others, and sometimes you wondered if he did that on purpose.

As someone whose primary love language is physical touch, falling in love with him again because of those little touches was inevitable.

—

“Nari.”

“Yes?”

“I think I love him.”

Tighnari nearly falls out of his chair.

“You what?”

“Love,” you repeat, “I love Alhaitham.” Tighnari gives you the questioning look. “Well, I do. And I think he likes me, too,” you continue.

He lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Look, my dear friend. I love you and all, but I have to say this. Being in the same book club with him is one thing. Falling in love with him and thinking that he likes you, however…” He shakes his head. “I get that you once had a crush on him, but how did you even arrive at that conclusion?“

You think for a while.

“Well,” you say, “I find myself thinking about him every day—I dare say even every minute. And there are the lingering touches—”

Tighnari’s ears twitch in curiosity. “I thought you said he doesn’t like to be touched?“

“He doesn’t,” you say. “That’s why I think he thinks of me differently.”

Tighnari sighs again.

“It does sound like you’re in love with him, and that he likes you more than he likes other people,” he says. “You’re hopeless. But I’m afraid that you’ll only get hurt.”

“Why?”

Tighnari clicks his tongue. “He’s a purely rational person. And love is irrational.”

“Then why does he always listen to me when I’m whining about—about anything?”

“Maybe he’s just being nice.”

“Maybe, but from what information I’ve gathered, he doesn’t do that with other girls. Hell, even with people. You know how he takes no bullshit from Kaveh.”

Tighnari’s mouth goes agape. “I don’t even want to know how you ‘gathered information’ about him.”

“I have my ways.”

He throws up his hands in the air, a defeated look on his face.

“Fine!” he says, his tone rising, his ears flat against his head. A shaky breath escapes him. “I just don’t want you to get brokenhearted again. It pained me a lot to see you crying silently every day.”

Taken aback at his words, you consider your response carefully—you really want him to see how Alhaitham treats you differently. Almost immediately, an idea appears in your mind.

“How about you join tomorrow’s book club meet-up?” you propose. His ears quickly stand back to attention.

“What? Why?”

“So you can observe him yourself,” you say, a smile growing on your lips. “Then you can judge if he likes me or not.“

“That’s… a good idea,” he ponders. “Okay. What time tomorrow?”

—

You come to the meet-up with Tighnari in tow. He stands beside you as you knock on Alhaitham’s door. The homeowner himself answers it.

“Oh, hello. You’re early. And… well, well.” The scribe’s eyes turn towards your best friend. “I didn’t expect to see the Forest Watcher here,” he quips.

Tighnari scoffs, his tail swirling protectively around your waist.

“I’m here to accompany my best friend,” he says. You chuckle nervously.

Alhaitham smirks, clearly amused with Tighnari’s protectiveness. “Come in.”

You and Tighnari walk into the house and sit on the living room sofa. Alhaitham fetches coffee for you and water for Tighnari. A few minutes later, the other book club members come, and the discussion starts.

Again, you can’t help but notice that Alhaitham touches you a lot. He sits beside you for the whole two hours of heated discussion, his hand lingering at the bottom of your elbow, sometimes moving away but eventually finding its way back to your skin. You feel his fingertips sink deeper into your flesh every time Tighnari speaks—is he… jealous?

Meanwhile, Tighnari, who sits opposite you, has his eyes peeled between your face and Alhaitham’s hand. He notices how you keep looking at Alhaitham every few seconds, sees every blush you have every time Alhaitham touches you, and hears how your breathing hitches every time he speaks and Alhaitham’s fingers, in turn, sink deeper into your skin.

After two hours of observation, Tighnari has had enough.

He waits until Alhaitham is back from escorting the other club members out, then he stands up to face the taller man.

“Thank you for letting me join today’s meet-up,” Tighnari says, then turns to you. “Now—I think you have something to tell our host, buddy.”

You nearly choke on your coffee in shock. “Nari, this wasn’t—”

Tighnari shoots you a threatening look. “Tell him. Or I will.”

“What’s this about?” Alhaitham asks, confusion visible in his usually-stoic face.

You sigh. “Well,” you start, fidgeting. You try to meet his gaze. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Alhaitham freezes so visibly, you feel obliged to mouth “sorry” for suddenly springing a love confession on him.

Tighnari’s ears are now flat against his head and his tail is bristling. You feel the blood draining from your face. This is not good.

“Tell us. Do you—” he points at Alhaitham’s chest, then to you— “like her, or not?”

The scribe clears his throat and folds his arms in defense. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t have let her into my house otherwise.”

Tighnari hisses. “Don’t play coy. You know what I mean.”

Alhaitham raises his eyebrows. “That’s rather private, don’t you think?”

Tighnari backs off, but his tail is swishing side to side in annoyance. “I would normally agree. But she was badly hurt in the past, and I—” he chokes. “I don’t want that to happen again. Ever.”

Alhaitham steals a glance at you—who is nervously fidgeting, whispering “sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t punch him” rapidly—then focuses back on Tighnari.

“I’d rather her get hurt sooner than later. Before she overthinks about how you behave around her,” Tighnari continues.

On that, you stop whispering and shoot your best friend a protesting look. He turns his gaze to you. “Oh, shut up. You know you’re going to. You do that every time you have a crush.”

You blush. He focuses his gaze back on Alhaitham. “So yes, if that means intruding into your private life, that’s a small sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Alhaitham stares at you for a few seconds. He lets out a sigh upon seeing you melt under his intense gaze.

“I see,” he muses and turns to Tighnari. “I suppose I should thank you.”

The Forest Watcher tilts his head. “What for?”

Alhaitham chuckles. “For making me realize that I should’ve done this sooner.”

Before you can react, he’s already sitting beside you. His left arm circles around your waist, pulling you towards him, and his right hand is on your left ear, his thumb caressing your skin like it’s the most precious thing in this world. You squeak in surprise when he pecks your nose. When he pulls away, he has a teasing smirk on his lips.

“Hmm. I don’t think that’s the right place. Excuse me.”

He dips in to kiss you in earnest. It’s a gentle act, him pressing his soft, warm lips against yours—a gentleness you wouldn’t normally associate with the highly rational man who is oftentimes described as “cold.”

Then again, you’re not exactly normal in his eyes, are you?

“I love you,” he declares softly, a tender smile on his lips—the smile that made you fall in love with him back then. “I’ve been in love with you since we were classmates.”

You feel tears start welling up in your eyes. “That long? Why didn’t you tell me?” you ask. You feel his arm tighten around your waist.

“You already had a boyfriend when I realized my feelings for you,” he says. “Had I known he was just using you, I would’ve risked getting punched in the gut for telling you about how I feel anyway.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I should’ve investigated more instead of just giving up and staying away.”

You lean forward to place a light kiss on his lips. He pulls back in surprise.

You chuckle at his reaction. “It’s okay. Thank you.”

With a small smile, he gathers you into his arms and turns to Tighnari.

“I believe this satisfies your curiosity, Mr. Forest Watcher?” he asks while playing with your hair.

Tighnari gives a huff of approval. “Yes,” he smiles. He walks to the front door and looks back at the two of you, affection abundant in his eyes.

“Congratulations, you two.”

You wave your best friend goodbye and lay your head back onto your now-boyfriend’s chest. He hums as he rocks you back and forth in his arms, both of you relieved to finally know how you feel toward each other. With the newfound love you have in Alhaitham and the enduring friendship you have in Tighnari, you feel secure—like an overgrowth of sturdy trees is watching over you.

Original end note:

I've always wanted Tighnari as my (fluffy!) best friend. I feel like he'd be very protective (bordering overprotective, even) of the people he truly cares about.

As for Haitham, well, he's a lot of fun to write. I feel like I understand how he thinks and behaves quite easily. And he's my husband, and I'm selfshipping, soooooo there's that.

Hope you enjoyed reading the fic as much as I enjoyed writing it! 💚

#alhaitham #tighnari #best friend tighnari #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x you #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x you #genshin impact x you #genshin fluff #kurisu writes

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snow-lavender · 6 months ago

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now that we're a week out from the finale, i'm feeling settled enough to make my sappy post. TL;DR is: fable has been incredibly important to me, and i think it's a story that's important to have out there. to the community and cast, you've made something beautiful and helped me more than you could know.

so here we go-

i started watching fable in the summer of 2022, to kill time in between summer courses (and thank fuck for that, cause my brain desperately needed to have some fun after 5 hours a day of doing psych stats by hand.) i was originally pulled in by vo'lete, as dissecting a conlang is really fun to me. it became basically the only media i consumed, as 2022/2023 was the fourth year of my BA and i was crazy busy. and then the characters pulled me in further with their earnestness and their devotion to redemption and compassion.

i think one of the theses of fable is "people always deserve happiness. doing awful things doesn't erase your ability to change." and i think the simplicity and love of that take hit really close to home. in the era of modern fandom where bad actors try to make everything black and white, it's an important point to make.

i started making shitposts on tumblr, started enaging with stories from an analysis standpoint again, and found a lot of joy in the community here. i don't have the words for what that means to me, so i'll just default to you guys are great <3

then mid-august happened

those of you who frequent rin's streams might have caught bits and pieces of this, but basically, i had a fall and my knee became royally fucked beyond belief. it can only be fixed with a surgery that's not very common. the pain was (and still is) debilitating to the point that i had to drop out of my second degree, and couldn't walk more than like, a block every few days. my life, my dreams, my future all got put on hold. i was in a new city with no supports, no friends, and no way to leave my apartment. fable went from the only media i consumed to the only thing i did, period.

the fandom became the only people i talked to regularly, other than my family, as online relationships were the only ones possible to maintain. in fableblr and in rin's chat i've found people who i really click with, people whose company i enjoy and who enjoy mine. when i was lying in bed, feeling so alone and less than human, having people on the internet go "i know who you are and you are making an impact," quite frankly, kept me sane. i know i don't talk to people super often, but know that seeing you in my notifs brings me so much joy, and i'd love to talk to you more.

to assuage any worries- i'm doing a bit better now. i've moved back in with my parents so i have human contact and people who can make up for the things i can't do. i have a new doctor who is taking the severity of my condition very seriously and is fighting to get me treated asap. i'll be okay.

so yeah. fable has been super important to me, and will remain so! for me it's a story with so much joy and deep feelings and rediscovery of passions and just. fun. it's been so much fun. and i'm not letting go of that fun any time soon. i'm gonna keep making and watching and enjoying.

to sage, corn, and cob- you guys are great, i cherish every time we get to talk. i hope that it's okay that i count you among my friends

to my other mutuals and people who are here frequently- recognizing you in my notes is such a joy and i hope to get to know you better. y'all are cool and i'm glad you think i'm funny

to rin- thank you for nurturing your little community and creating a space where i have so much fun. also thank you for putting up with my constant setting off of automod

to beck- thank you for making a story that explores sisterhood in all its ugliness and beauty, that shows how even families full of love can fuck up, that holds space for loneliness and loss and joy and fear and new beginnings

to the rest of the cast- thank you for making a story with so many varied and yet connected points, characters and world. with so much love in it. you've truly done something special here and its impact will not be forgotten

to all of you- thank you for knowing my name. thank you for breathing life and joy into these stories. i can't wait to see what else we make. <3

#fable smp #just a heads up this does get into slightly venty territory so. yeah.

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einsatzzz · 1 month ago

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youtube

OCtober Day 3: Old OC - ShioRin ⚠️The effects/flashes might hurt your eyes, so please watch with caution.

@amiahoshi and I's Haikyuu OC twins, Shiori and Rin. They walked, so KanaRumi could run-- just kidding, they walked so those mfs Shiki (Cloud Guardian) and Rei (Mist Guardian) could run.

Anyway, even after...s-seven...seven years (💀), I think this is still my magnum opus in terms of video editing, so I will always repost this every now and then (like right now). I don't even remember how I edited this. IIRC, the last solo Rin with the clean lines is by Sou!

A few more info & art below because they have a special place in my heart plus I feel nostalgic while trying to look at old art of them. 🥰🥰🥰

Kiriyama Rin: A student from Karasuno High and a member of its Girls’ Volleyball Team. She is also Shiori’s older twin sister.

Rin is usually a happy, cheerful and energetic person. She acts without giving a second thought and is always carefree. However, she is actually a person who finds it extremely difficult to express how she actually feels towards people, she acts happy to everyone, even those whom she hates.

Despite her love for volleyball, she doesn’t really have a motivation to become a professional player.

Kiriyama Shiori: A student from Aoba Johsai High. She is also Rin’s younger twin sister.

Because of her illness, Shiori is unable to play any type of sports that is physically taxing (which is almost all the sports). One thing that could be noted from her is her unusual in-depth understanding of volleyball, this is due to her curiosity for the said sport when she saw Rin all fired up and pouring lots of effort into it.

She could do well as a team manager, but she thinks she’s too unmotivated and it would be rude to her sister if she were to join in on her passion in that kind of uncaring way.

Their OCxCanon pair ft. mouse user Ein from 2016...

MAFIA AU ART FROM 2016...Ha, look what we have right now lmao

My sketch of them from 2020! That's ShikiRei at the back, don't mind them.

Then this is my last drawing of them from OC Week 2022! That's ShikiRei at the side, don't mind them.

Ignore the tug of war in art style/quality. I lowkey tried giving up art a few times in the middle but every time I come crawling back my art skill kinda resets so I have to relearn or just learn new shit each time 😭😭

More Infodump for no reason, I just want to yap about them: We got into some genderbending shenanigans for ShioRin at some point back then, and that's how ShikiRei was born. Then ShikiRei eventually developed into their own separate characters and we eventually shipped them with their opposite counterparts (ReixShiori & ShikixRin) sjhfvhdvfsh After a while, we locked them under a basement (we let them out sometimes when needed in an AU or when we need to bully Oikawa). After a few years, we needed OCs to fill up the Oniyanagi guardian vacant spots so we let them out of the basement for good. Now, they're KHR OCs, yippee! We're also using their voice claims for another pair of KHR OCs, but that's for tomorrow hehe

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narutoevents · 1 year ago

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dimagapi · 2 years ago

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Maria Clara at Ibarra took its time with Fidel, and it paid off

AAMININ KO, HINDI ako palanood ng mga teleserye. Nahihirapan akong sumubaybay sa five-episodes-per-week format. In 2022, naisipan kong manood ulit ng teleserye. Isa sa mga naisip kong panoorin ay Maria Clara at Ibarra, isang portal fantasy kung saan ang bidang si Klay ay ipinasok sa mundo ng mga nobela ni Jose Rizal. Basically, Noli/Fili isekai.

I honestly did not have high expectations, knowing kung gaano ka-fast paced ang production ng TV series sa Pilipinas. Kaya pleasantly surprised talaga ako na masasaksihan ko sa MCI ang isang character arc na puwede ko na sigurong sabihing kahanay ng mga paborito ko.

The character arc in question ay ang kay Fidel. Sinulit ng MCI ang teleserye format sa pagbuo ng character arc ni Fidel, taking 17 real-life weeks para ipakita ang development niya. Ita-tackle ko na rin ang nangyari sa unang episode after those 17 weeks kasi hindi ko talaga matiis sa sobrang pagkamangha ko.

Unang lumabas si Fidel de los Reyes sa Episode 3 ng Maria Clara at Ibarra, bilang isa sa mga malalapít na kaibigan ni Crisostomo Ibarra. Original character si Fidel, wala siya sa Noli me tangere, tulad ni Klay. Ang kaso nga lang ay kahit na kaibigan siya ni Ibarra, he is far from likable. Lalong-lalo na para sa bida nating si Klay.

Fidel de los Reyes, raging misogynist

Simula pa lang, malinaw na ang purpose ng character ni Fidel: para ipakita na kahit sa panig ng mga taong tulad ni Ibarra, mababa ang tingin ng kalalakihan sa kababaihan noong 1880s. At mula naman sa perspective ni Klay, para ipakita sa kaniyang marami palang pagkakatulad ang panahon niya at panahon ni Rizal.

"Kung magiging sintalino [ng mga babae] ang mga [lalaki], tila magiging isang malaking kaparusahan ito sa atin!"

Hindi understatement kung sasabihing raging misogynist si Fidel noong una siyang lumabas. Tinitingnan ni Fidel ang pagiging marunong ng kababaihan bilang isang banta sa kalalakihan. Hindi lang siya sa salita mapanghamak sa mga babae, ipinakita rin niyang handa siyang manakit ng babae dahil lang nasaktan ng isang matalinong babae ang ego niya. Nasampal pa siya ni Klay dahil dito (at deserve niya iyon).

Bukod sa mababang tingin ni Fidel sa kababaihan, masasabi ring hinubog siya ng privelege na mayroon siya. Dahil nabuhay siyang hindi inuusig, buo ang tiwala niya sa gobyerno at Simbahan, at wala rin siyang amor para sa mahihirap. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit napakadali para sa kaniyang hindi makaramdam ng simpatya para kay Sisa sa una.

Itong privilege ni Fidel ang siya ring nagpapaniwala sa kaniyang nasa posisyon siya para utusan si Klay (isang babae) na ipagdasal ("trabaho" ng babae noong panahon ng pananakop ng mga Kastila) ang biyahe nilang tatlo ni Ibarra. Ang pagtawag niyang "bruha" kay Klay ay hindi lang misogynistic kundi bunga ng maka-Kastila niyang paniniwala.

Ang takot niya sa mga tulisan ay bunga rin ng privilege niya at paghanay niya sa sarili sa panig ng mga Kastila. Ang pagharang ng mga tulisan sa isang prayle ang sinabi niyang dahilan para katakutan ang mga tulisan na posibleng humarang sa kanila sa biyahe. Iskandaloso ang tingin ni Fidel sa sagot ni Klay na "Prayle naman pala! Baka masama 'yung prayle na 'yon kaya siya sinaktan." Hindi niya matanggap ang pagsasalita nang ganoon ni Klay laban sa mga itinuturing niyang huwaran.

"Binibining Klay, simulan mo nang magdasal bupang maging ligtas ang ating paglalakbay. 'Yon ay kung didinggin ng Diyos ang dasal ng isang bruha."

Hindi magkahiwalay ang pagiging maka-Kastila, matapobre, at mapanghamak ni Fidel sa kababaihan; lahat ng mga ito ay bunga ng pribilehiyo niya bilang isang mayamang mestizo. Mapapansing nagpakita ng kaunting "respeto" si Fidel nang mag-English si Klay. Sa panahong iyon, matututo ka lang ng ibang wika sa pagbabasa, paglalakbay sa ibang bansa, o pagkakaroon ng white-collar job sa isang British-owned business. Mula sa perspective ni Fidel, tanda ng pagiging edukada o maykaya ang pagsasalita ni Klay ng English; naisantabi niya nang panandalian ang panghahamak sa kababaihan dahil sa tingin niya ay posibleng privileged din si Klay kagaya niya.

'Tunay ka ngang kakaibang babae'

Si Fidel na naniwala kaagad sa paratang na nagnakaw si Crispin at nangmamaliit kay Klay ang siya ring tumulong, sa maliit na paraan, sa paggamot sa injuries ni Sisa sa Episode 25. Hindi niya naiintindihan nang lubos ang nangyayari, but he's trying. Hindi instant ang pagbabago niya. Alien pa rin sa kaniya ang idea ng pagkakaroon ng babaeng manggagamot, pero hindi nagmarunong si Fidel o pinatigil si Klay (in contrast sa tangkang "pagliligtas" ni Don Tiburcio kay Kapitan Basilio at pagharang ni Kapitana Tica kay Klay 10 episodes later).

Sa Episode 25, sa warehouse ni Fidel ginamot ni Klay si Sisa. Hindi pa ganap na nagbago si Fidel, pero nagsisimula na siyang maging mas bukás sa mga bagay na bago sa paningin niya.

Sa kabila ng tension sa pagitan nina Klay at Fidel, malinaw ring intensyon ng series na si Fidel ay magiging potential love interest para kay Klay. Malinaw rin kung anong klaseng love interest si Fidel: lalaking mapang-uyam sa bidang babae pero unti-unting nahuhulog ang loob sa inuuyam niya. Dahil sa tindi ng tension sa pagitan nila ni Klay, I would say na nalaro nito nang ayos ang inaasar-ka-niya-dahil-gusto-ka cliché, lalo na't hindi lang simpleng pang-aasar ang ginagawa ni Fidel sa una.

From Episode 30 onwards, makikita ang pag-develop ni Fidel ng paghanga para kay Klay. Sa Episode 30 nagsimulang magparamdam si Fidel na may nabubuo siyang pagtingin kay Klay. Dito rin siya nagsimulang mang-asar, in the friendly sense, pero na-call out din siya dahil out of line.

In Episode 34, nangyari ang isang rare instance na nang-asar, intentionally, si Fidel dahil gusto niya si Klay. Walang explicit romantic intentions ang karamihan ng instances ng pang-aasar ni Fidel (pero hindi rin masasabing pilít if you read them as romantic). Sinundan ito kaagad ng isang compliment na backhanded, probably unintentionally so. Fidel's trying. And failing.

"Binibining Klay, kung hindi ka pa nadapa ay hindi kita makilala. Mayroon ka palang itinatagong ganda."

Sa Episode 35, mapapansing hindi pa ganap na sumasang-ayon si Fidel sa mga kilos ni Klay. Makikitang nagtangka siyang pigilan si Klay na sumampa sa upuan at magsalita laban kina Kapitan Basilio at sa mga bisita nito. In the following episode, however, hindi niya pinigilan si Klay sa pagliligtas kay Kapitan Basilio matapos mabilaukan ang matanda. May tiwala si Fidel sa kakayahan ni Klay magbigay ng first aid, as he witnessed ten episodes prior.

Mabagal ang progress ni Fidel, but it's there. Nang iligtas ni Klay si Ibarra through mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and CPR (Episode 40), ipinagtanggol ni Fidel si Klay at nagpaliwanag na "karaniwan itong ginagawa ng mga nakapag-aral ng medisina" kahit na ipagtataka ng mga marami sa panahong iyon na alam ito ng isang babae. Idinagdag pa ni Fidel na katanggap-tanggap sa Kanluran ang mga ito.*

* This might come come off as anachronistic dahil 1900s naging standard procedure ang CPR, pero may mga precursor ng CPR noong mid-1800s. However, hindi chest compression ang ginagawa doon. 1891, seven years after when MCI is set, unang nagamit ni Dr. Friedrich Maass successfully ang chest compressions sa paglilgitas ng pasyente. May mouth-to-mouth resuscitation for drowning victims since the 1700s, though.

Matapos iligtas ni Klay si Ibarra, nakipagkita si Fidel in private kay Klay. Nagsisimula na si Fidel na makita ang halaga ni Klay. Dagdag pa, humahanga siya hindi sa kabila ng pagiging "kakaiba" ni Klay kundi dahil dito. What this means is hindi na niya nakikitang kapintasan ang talino at tapang ni Klay at hindi na rin niya ito nakikita as a threat to his ego.

Fidel: Binibining Klay, [...] tunay ka ngang kakaibang babae, kaya sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon ay napahanga mo ako. Hindi lamang sa iyong angking talino at lakas ng loob, kundi pati na rin sa [...] independence of mind and spirit.

I particularly like na, at least at the time of the episode's airing, puwede mong ma-interpret ang paghangang ito ni Fidel as something na hindi lang romantic; puwede mong basahin ang paghanga na ito bilang bunga ng nabubuong pagtingin niya kay Klay, pero puwede mo ring basahin bilang magkahiwalay na bagay ang paghanga niya sa kakayahan ni Klay at ang ang attraction niya kay Klay.

Sa kabila ng nabubuong paghanga ni Fidel para kay Klay, hindi pa rin nawawala ang pagkiling niya sa mga Kastila. Tutol siya (at si Ibarra) sa pag-awat ni Klay kay Padre Salvi matapos saktan ng prayle ang ilang tao sa tabing-lawa. Dito iginiit ni Klay na may lakas ng loob ang mga tulad ni Padre Salvi na mang-abuso dahil may mga tulad ni Ibarra na may mabuting hangarin ngunit walang ginagawa para labanan ang kasamaan.

'Tila umiibig ang ginoo!'

Fidel: Sa araw na ito, tila nakilala ko na rin ang babaeng hahangaan ko... Pilosopo Tasyo: Tila umiibig ang ginoo!

It took time bago nagpakita ng explicit na romantic affection si Fidel towards Klay. Nang tumakas sina Klay at Maria Clara para makipagkita kay Ibarra (Episodes 48-49), nakita ni Fidel si Klay sa parehong paraang nakikita ni Ibarra si Maria Clara. Pansin din ito ni Ibarra, pero in denial pa si Fidel sa puntong ito.

May kahambugan pa si Fidel sa pagkukuwento kay Klay tungkol sa pagtingin niya sa isang certain someone na itatago na lang natin sa pangalang Maria Clara Infantes. Iniyayabang ni Fidel na napakapalad ng special someone na ito dahil iniibig niya.

Sa kabila ng mariing pagtanggi sa simula ni Fidel na may pagtingin siya kay Klay, hindi niya kinontra si Ibarra nang tawagin nito sina Maria Clara at Klay na "ating mga Maria Clara" matapos sunduin at pagalitan ni Kapitan Tiago ang magkatukayo.

Ibarra: Paano ba iyan, amigo? Tila karamay mo ako sa pag-aalala sa ating mga Maria Clara.

Episodes 57-58 na umamin si Fidel kay Klay; it took that long. Ang kagandahan sa development na ito sa relasyon nila, on Fidel's part, ay hindi siya nagkaroon ng drastic na pagbabago para lang kay Klay; hindi siya biglang naging "ideal guy". Lumilitaw ang isang character flaw niya: dahil sa pagiging misogynist niya sa simula ng series, it only makes sense na hindi siya marunong makipag-usap sa babae, let alone isang babae na alam kung ano ang deserve niya. On Klay's part naman, she stayed her ground. Hindi niya ni-reciprocate ang feelings ni Fidel dahil lang hindi na ito (intentionally) mean.

Now, let me go into a bit of a tangent because I want to talk about Fidel's confession.

Napakaraming sinabi si Fidel na mako-consider na pang-aasar kung intentional, pero malinaw namang makikita na ang mga nasabi niya ay dahil lang hindi siya maalam manuyo. Fidel's trying. And failing. (1)

Take this exchange, for example:

Fidel: Binibinig Klay, bulag ka ba at hindi mo nakikita? O sadyang manhid ka lang ka lang at hindi mo nararamdaman? Klay: Ang alin ba? Fidel: Na sa kabila ng iyong bangis at pagmimistulang bruha, at ang iyong paglalamyerda sa buong San Diego na madalas ay bastos at walang modo na hindi gaya ng mga de-klaseng babae diyan... Klay: May point ka ba? O recap lang 'to ng judgment sa'kin ng bayang 'to? Nahiya ka pa, isama mo na rin 'yung pagbuntot ko sa amigo mo na parang kerida. Fidel: Isa pa iyon!

Comedy aside, kapansin-pansin na may animosity pa rin sa pagitan ng dalawa, especially on Klay's part. Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit hindi agad makapaniwala si Klay na may pagtingin sa kaniya si Fidel. And that's completely understandabl; ni minsan ay hindi man lang inihingi ni Fidel ng paumanhin ang past actions niya towards Klay. Hindi batid ni Fidel na mabigat ang mga ito para kay Klay dahil hindi pa siya nalagay sa posisyon kung saan siya ay hinahamak.

Another standout exchange is this:

Klay: Magkaiba ang mundo natin. Fidel: Batid ko. Batid ko na tila langit ako at ikaw ay lupa.

Concise ang punchline, dine-defy ang expectation sa isang otherwise predictable expression, at in-character pa para kay Fidel na napakatayog ng tingin sa sarili. I say this is gold.

Bakas pa rin ang pagka-entitled ni Fidel sa expectations niya kay Klay; na magugustuhan agad siya pabalik at papayag na magpakasal sa kaniya. Nagnakaw pa ng halik si Fidel kay Klay. Na-call out din ito ni Klay, siyempre.

May pagka-immature ang reaction ni Fidel sa rejection ni Klay, parang batang hindi pinagbigyan matapos magturô sa tindahan. May halo pang kaunting pagyayabang na kung ibang babae ang susuyuin niya nang ganoon ay hindi siya tatanggihan.

Sinubok din ni Fidel na mangharana para suyuin si Klay, katulad ng panghaharana ni Ibarra kay Maria Clara noon, pero naging malamig ang pagtanggap ni Klay dito. Mahahalatang alien concept talaga para kay Fidel ang hindi mapabigyan sa mga gusto niya.

Hindi nakapagtataka kung bakit hindi marunong manuyo si Fidel: sa buong panahon na nasa series siya, si Klay lang ang babaeng nakakasusap niya consistently. Si Pilosopo Tasyo na nakausap niya minsan tungkol sa pag-ibig (Episode 44) ang pinakamalapit sa isang father figure na mayroon siya, at wala naman siyang ibang mahihingan ng payo. Ang sariling privilege lang ang masasandigan ni Fidel at this point, kaya pakiramdam niya ay ang privilege din niya ang magdadala sa kaniya ng pag-ibig.

Ang gusto ko lang talagang sabihin for this segment ay magandang romcom material ang lover boy era ni Fidel, saka props na rin sa pag-integrate nito sa kuwento in a way na hindi pilit and makes sense for the character.

Pagbaligtad ng mundo

Noong panahong inuusig si Ibarra, kay Fidel lumapit si Klay para humingi ng tulong. Sa una ay nagawa pang mang-asar ni Fidel na hindi daw siya matiis ni Klay. Hindi pa niya batid ang haharapin niyang pagsubok.

Hindi nagtagal ay nasaksihan ni Fidel ang talumpati ni Ibarra sa pulpito sa simbahan ng San Diego, kung saan inilahad nito na may malubhang sakit ang bayan na pinalalala ng mga nagsasawalang-kibo. Nakiisa si Fidel sa pananawagan ng "Dinggin n'yo kami" matapos ang talumpati ni Ibarra. Ito ang kauna-unahang pagkakataon na tumindig si Fidel laban sa mapang-aping sistema.

By Episode 73, exactly 70 episodes mula nang unang ipakilala si Fidel, pumasok na sa climax ang character arc niya. Nakulong si Fidel kasama ng iba pang may kaugnayan kay Ibarra. Ang panahon niya sa presinto ay nagsimula sa pagyayabang niya sa Guardia Civil na makakalabas agad salamat sa magaling na abogado ng pamilya niya, at iginigiit niyang nakapag-aral siya ng batas kaya alam niyang iligal ang ginagawa sa kanila ng Guardia Civil. Sa gabing iyon din ay napagtanto niya: "Kung sino pa ang gumagawa ng maganda para sa bayan ay siya pang tinatawag na kriminal, habang ang mga makasalanan sa Simbahan at sa gobyerno ay kailangang tawaging 'kagalang-galang'."

Kinausap niya saglit si Don Filipo tungkol sa pagbibitiw nito sa puwesto dahil sa pagiging sunud-sunuran ng gobernadorcillo, at tinanong siya nito pabalik kunghanggang saan niya kayang ipaglaban ang bayan. Kung lalaban si Fidel, kailangan niyang isakripisyo ang pribilehiyong nagpahintulot sa kaniyang maging makasarili noon.

Don Filipo: Don Fidel, hanggang saan mo kayang ipaglaban ang ating bayan nang hindi lamang umaasa sa dasal, conexiónes, o sa iyong yaman?

Nang itakas ni Klay si Fidel, nahuli siya ng Guadia Civil. Kinakailangang gumawa ni Fidel ng isang bagay na bago ang pagtakas ay hindi niya akalaing gagawin niya: ang pumatay ng tao. At ginawa nga niya ito. Ang Fidel na noong nakaraang episode lang ay ipinagmamalaki ang mga nalalaman sa batas ay siya na ngayong lumabag dito. Pugante na siya at pumatay pa ng Guardia sa mismong kuwartel, hindi na maililigtas ng kahit na gaano pa kagaling na abogado.

Magkaibang-magkaiba man ang ikinilos ng Fidel ng Episode 73 at ng Fidel ng Episode 74—at mas lalong malayo sa Fidel ng Episode 3—ay hindi masasabing kilos ito ng magkaibang karakter; kilos ito ng iisang Fidel na noo'y itinaas ang sarili at pagkatapos ay ibinaba, noo'y nanghamak at pagkatapos ay natutong umibig, dumaan sa hamon at pagkatapos ay nagbago, at umabot sa sukdulan at natutong lumaban. Sa kabila nito, may isa pang hindi natutunan si Fidel sa puntong ito: ang ipakita ang pagiging vulnerable; or perhaps more approriately, hindi pa niya na-unlearn ang pagtatago ng vulnerability niya.

Vulnerability and compassion

Pinuna ni Klay si Fidel sa mga kaharutan nito matapos nilang takasan ang Guardia Civil, pati na rin ang pagiging "kalmado" nito matapos nitong mahanap ang sugatáng si Elias na hindi kasama si Ibarra. Naalala ko nang may mga pumuna sa Twitter na mabilis daw masyadong naka-get over si Fidel sa pagbaril sa Guardia Civil, pero sa tingin ko, coping mechanism ni Fidel ang mang-asar para matabunan at maitago ang pangangamba dahil nasanay siyang komportable ang buhay at walang inaalala.

Hindi umiyak si Fidel kahit ni-reject siya ni Klay na pinakamamahal niya sa Episode 75, at sa una ay maaari mong maisip na baka hindi lang talaga dinibdib ni Fidel at the moment dahil nasa panganib sila, o hindi ito gaano kasakit sa kaniya dahil nag-mature na siya. Matapos mahanap nina Fidel at Klay si Elias, ipinakita ni Fidel na hindi siya "kalmado" tulad ng iniisip ni Klay. Lumuha si Fidel. Unti-unti na ipinapakita ang vulnerable side niya.

Lumuha ang "kalmadong" si Fidel. Also, may dahilan kung bakit siya nakahubad diyan. Ginagamit pang-first aid kay Elias 'yung damit niya, pramis!

Sa kampo ng mga tulisan, makikitang ang pag-aalala ni Fidel para kay Klay. Sinusuyo niya si Klay sa mga simpleng paraan tulad ng pag-aalok ng pagkain at tubig, bagay na hinding hindi gagawin ni Fidel noong Episode 3 at hindi niya gagawin nang walang halong pang-aasar bago ang Episode 70. Ipinapakita ni Fidel ang affection niya through acts of service* towards Klay. Walang pag-aalinlangang pumayag si Fidel na samahan si Klay sa bayan para makapagpaalam kay Maria Clara kahit na alam nila pareho kung gaano kalaking panganib iyon para sa kanila.

*I have some reservations about the idea of love languages, pero sa kasong ito, tingin ko naman ay angkop sabihing ang love language ni Fidel ay acts of service.

Matagal bago nailabas ni Fidel ang vulnerable side niya, salamat sa pagiging lalaki at mayaman. Bilang lalaki, marahil ay pinalaki siyang pinagbabawalang umiyak o "magpakita ng kahinaan". Kung hindi rin nagbago ang pananaw ni Fidel sa kababaihan, hindi rin kakayanin ng ego niya na ipakia ang vulnerability sa harap ni Klay. Bilang mayaman naman, ipinipinta niya ang sarili bilang angat sa iba at hindi matitinag. Ngayong tinutugis na siya ng Guardia Civil, danás na rin niya ang nararanasan ng karaniwang taong minamata niya noon.

Alab ng puso

Ang pinakamahalagang bagay na natutunan ni Fidel sa character arc niya ay ang umibig. Una na niyang ipinakita ang pag-ibig kay Klay, at unti-unti siyang natutong umibig sa iba pa. Kung trip mo maging mas cynica aboutl Fidel's past actions, puwede mo pa ngang sabihing ang pag-ibig niya kay Klay, although genuine, ay kaakibat ng paniniwala niya, bilang lalaki noong panahon niya, na bahagi ng "tadhana" niya ang umibig sa isang babae, mag-asawa, at bumuo ng pamilya.

Kalaunan ay natutunan ni Fidel na mahalin ang bayan. Ganap na niyang nakilala ang mga kondisyong humulma sa kaniya at sa mga pananaw niya, at napagtanto niyang binulag siya ng pribilehiyo niya, at inamin niyang naging makasarili siya. Nasaksihan ni Fidel ang kapalaran nina Sisa, Crispin, at Basilio; ang sakripisyo ni Elias; ang pag-usig kay Ibarra; ang pagmamalupit ng mga prayle at Guardia Civil; at ang panghahamak sa kababaihan. Ang huli ay hindi lamang niya nasaksihan o hinayaang mangyari; naging bahagi rin siya nito.

Sa huli, isinapuso ni Fidel ang payo (na naka-package deal kasama ng rejection) ni Klay: ang ialay sa bayan ang kaniyang pag-ibig. Ibig niyang ipagpatuloy ang laban nina Ibarra at Elias at idineklara niyang ilalaan niya ang natitirang yaman para sa paghihimagsik at iiwan na ang komportableng buhay na nakasanayan niya alang-alang sa bayan.

Fidel: Magkasama nating ipagpatuloy ang sinimulan ni Crisostomo at Elias.

Inaanyayahan ni Fidel si Klay na sumama sa kaniya sa pakikipaglaban. Sa kasamaang palad ay kinakailangan na ni Klay na bumalik sa mundo niya. Sa pag-alis ni Klay sa mundo ng Noli, umiyak si Fidel. Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, hindi pinigilan ni Fidel ang sarili niyang ipakita ang vulnerability niya.

Tapós na ang pagtatago ni Fidel ng damdamin niya. Tanggap na niyang may vulnerable side.

From ilustrado to naliwanagan

As of writing, pumasok na sa El FIlibusterismo ang MCI. Ipinakita na si Fidel bilang rebolusyonaryo, kasama sa pangkat ni Elias na nakaligtas mula sa mga pangyayari sa Noli arc.

Bilang mga rebolusyonaryo, may codenames sina Elias at Fidel: si Elias ay si Tagausig, at si Fidel si Naliwanagan. Fidel's codename is especially fitting dahil bukod sa obvious allusion na sa pagkakaroon niya ng 180-degree turn sa character arc niya, may iba pang kahulugan.

Si Naliwanagan at si Tagausig

Nagsimula si Fidel bilang isang entitled at sexist na ilustrado. Towards the end of the Noli arc ay naliwanagan si Fidel sa tunay na kalagayan ng lipunan. Ang "ilustrado" at "naliwanagan" ay parehong "enlightened", pero dahil sa character arc ni Fidel ay malinaw na may opposite connotations ang dalawang ito. Ang "ilustrado" ay enlightened in the sense na may access siya sa edukasyon, samantalang ang "naliwanagan" ay enlightened in the sense na namulat sa mga totoong kalagayan ng bagay-bagay at mga karanasan ng mga karaniwang tao. Dagdag pa rito, Espanyol ang "ilustrado" at Tagalog ang "naliwanagan", angkop sa pagkiling ng ilustradong Fidel sa mga mang-aapi at pamumuhay ng naliwanagang Fidel kasama ang mga inaapi.

Bukod sa opposite connotations ng "ilustrado" at "naliwanagan" sa context ng character arc ni Fidel, masasabi ring may direct relationship ang dalawang ito sa pagbabago ni Fidel: Si Fidel ay ganap na naliwanagan noong magpasya siyang talikuran ang pagiging ilustrado. Si Fidel ay hindi lang naging tao (as Klay would say), natuto rin siyang magpakatao. Natuto siyang malungkot, mangamba, mahabag, mag-alala, makiramdam, magalit sa kawalan ng katarungan, at—higit sa lahat—umibig.

#maria clara at ibarra #fidel de los reyes #crisostomo ibarra #maria clara #klay #elias #noli me tangere #el filibusterismo #teleserye

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