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fatalitysficbakery · 19 days ago

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𓆰♥︎𓆪 What We Could’ve Had. (Ep. 1)

— Ellie Williams x Riley Abel

genre: angst/fluff/smut-TY.

warnings: rewriting endings.

synopsis: what happens if riley hadn’t died? what life would she and ellie have lived?

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↳ 𓆰 Fatalitysficbakery multifandomed &&’ oc menu #2 𓆪.

❦ ⌫ ❦

"Easy girl," I call to my mare when we bound a particularly icy corner, finally eye to eye with something more than miles of snowy forest, the chill hadn't set in until we'd arrived, chalk it up to the adrenaline of having to help make sure myself, two horses, and a grown man are safe from the hordes of infected searching for their next meals. It had been a long road to get here. Figuratively, and literally.

Jackson City.

I never thought I'd see the day, a town lively with families, survivors that escaped the carnage, children, for fucks sake. It almost seemed normal, can't remember the last time I felt normalcy like this, and for a moment, though it was rightful on their part, I wasn't hopeful I ever would.

He had to pull a lot of strings to get me here, Joel. Talked and pleaded for almost 3 months on my behalf, meanwhile, I was stuck holed up in an old warehouse that had begun...decaying. Mold, leaks, holes...If Joel hadn't managed to put in a good word, I don't know where I'd be. When you're an adventure-seeking kid, fighting 'zombies' in an apocalypse sounds exciting, and exhilarating, you fantasize about how you'll save the world, kick infected ass, and most importantly — Be one of the chosen ones to survive. Because of your 'strength', your 'resilience'. I was that and then some, and it had unfortunately burnt bridges I never even got to build.

So, I waited. I waited with bated breathing until the day Joel came back with two horses, food, and supplies for the long road home.

Home. I hadn't had one of those in a while. Not since her anyway.

Hopping down from Lainey's back, I leave her to be taken to the stables. Everyone seemed to have their own tasks, it was a well-oiled engine, you could say. Before I even knew it I was being led down the street, and the question I had on my tongue was as predictable as ever, I could tell by the way the man who never smiled broke character to chuckle at it.

"How is she?"

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

"Ellie? Well, she's Ellie. Stubborn as a mule but damn good at any job thrown her way. Ellie...She's...good."

It wasn't long before that familiar brooding solemn Joel returned to my vision, I could tell something was heavy on his mind, and before I knew it I was chewing on my bottom lip with the guiltiest feeling baring on my soul, knowing I was probably to blame for how strained their relationship seemed to be now. I couldn't help it, really, the man looked like a kicked puppy, I had to say something.

I clear my throat and begin an apology that was long overdue on my part. "Hey Joel, I'm uh, I'm so-"

He stopped me with a raise of his hand, shaking his head before letting out a sigh so filled with regret you could hear behind it. "The fault was and is all mine for lying to her in the first place, darlin'. You ain't done a thing but care about Ellie since y'all have known one another, and truthfully...that's all I ask for. She deserves that much."

My mouth went drier than the damned Sahara at his words, but I couldn't get another one of my own in before he was walking ahead of me, forcing me into a power walk so that I could keep up. He eyes me from his peripheral, and a brief moment passes before his arm wraps around my shoulder, it's a fatherly type of presence that I had learned to revel in since I'd gotten closer to Joel. "Welcome home, kid. Let's get you outta this snow, and show you where you'll be sleeping."

He whistles, and calls someone over, a woman, long brunette locks, tan ivory skin, around my height but a little taller comes striding over to us, pretty, looks kind. Joel calls her Dina as he introduces us, her hand held out to shake mine. "Dina, this is Riley, the newest of us. Can you show her to her room? Me and Jesse are heading out to patrol before it gets too dark out here."

Dina nods eagerly enough that it makes me feel less nervous and a little more welcome. "Not a problem, where's she headed?"

"Cabin. By me and Ellie's place."

"Gotcha. C'mon, Ri. We got it from here, right? I think so. It's nice to meet you, by the way. Welcome to our little sanctuary."

She and I were already walking away from Joel and I'd barely even noticed, my heart thundering in my ears, repeating Joel's words over and over like a broken record in my head; I miss almost every word she speaks aside from the last bit, muttering my own 'Nice to meet you too, thank you' back at her, my heart pounding in my chest thrice as quickly as it should.

'Cabin. By me and Ellie's place.'

Jesus, be a fence.

6:00 am, Friday. I remember the first time I saw someone turn into an infected before my own eyes, at first it was like any old common cold, we kept the wound clean but it got bad, horrible really fast. The 'adults' wanted me out while it happened, though I knew what the outcome would be; I'd seen the slaughter and participated in it firsthand just trying to survive, but this was different. — I peeked around the corner after I had been kicked out, a crack in the door my only view into the room, and it was there I saw it go from bad to worse. It had only been around 8 minutes when his symptoms went from common cold to something much more painful, I had never heard such bone-chilling agonized screaming before, his body writhed and twisted, but not in the traditional horror movie sense, no, he looked as if he wanted to get comfortable, ease the pain any way he could but he couldn't. It'd stayed that way for around 4 minutes and then... Silence. Complete. 3 more minutes. It was still like the moment had been frozen in time. You could hear a pin drop. A low growling hum broke the silence. A resounding gunshot joined its cause shortly thereafter. I saw his eyes before they closed for the final time, and if I hadn't known any better, I would've thought he'd seen me too the way they appeared to look directly my way. Grey, nearly dead, but filled with what looked like relief. He seemed almost...thankful. 15 minutes. I counted every minute from the clock in the room to the watch on my wrist, I'd counted. He’d been a normal guy. One that had come and gone in only 15 minutes. And he wasn't the only one, soon it was widely known how fast it took and I was used to counting down every. little. minute. ↳ When did 15 minutes become so long? My hand shook pointing the gun at her, I couldn't do it, man. I wouldn't. I won't. Ellie and I've been holed up in this old abandoned mall for 4 hours now, it wasn't supposed to be this long a trip but we got sidetracked by the wonders of the mall that I'd been wanting to show her since I found it, only, I'd hurt her. I knew I did, she was pissed when I snuck up on her after not checking in in so damn long. I couldn't leave without a goodbye. As I look over at her sleeping figure, I find myself more confused. The last 4 hours were fun, or at least, the first two were. We explored, found stupid scare masks to put on, made our own fun, and finally, we got to play video games, just like the magic skull had told Ellie we wouldn't be able to. The smile on her face had made everything worthwhile. A fairytale in an apocalypse. ...I guess the apocalypse didn't like that all too much. Fun. Romance. It was already too late when the stalker had pounced on Ellie, I emptied my clip into the damned thing and it still got one final bite in. Ellie didn't utter a word about dying, or turning. She seemed disconnected after it happened, her own pistol pointed at her head, she waited for a shot that wouldn't come. I couldn't do it. I pleaded with her. Give me those last 15 minutes. She'd silently nodded. That was two hours ago.

"Well, this is it. I was wondering why Joel seemed so hellbent on getting this place cleaned up. We haven't happened upon any other survivors in months. You must be pretty special, the people around here aren't too...trusting." Dina chattered on as we entered the small one-bedroom cabin that'd be my living space. I had my own living space. It wasn't big, no upstairs, just right for a person living by themselves. I couldn't bite back my grin, a real-life home, no mold, no cracks or leaks, there's a space heater in the corner, I must've looked like a dream-struck idiot because Dina spoke up again.

"Where were you before this? If I may."

"Cold ass warehouse."

I hear her snort a little, leaned up against the opened front door. I was expecting another comment, more small talk that felt like it'd been running on for hours.

Instead, I'm not met with the new sound of Dina's voice, my ears are met with a familiar voice, one I could remember just by the sound of her breathing. When presented with the option of fight, flight, or freeze, I was always more privy to picking either of the former but today, my body seized, a rare freeze.

8:30 am, Sunday. I don't know if I made the right decision. After Ellie survived the bite and continued to survive the bite, I made an impulsive decision a week later. Told Marlene about what had happened, and that's why we're here in this car. El's head in my lap, asleep soundly while riding to Firefly headquarters with Joel to possibly find a cure to end this thing. At least that's how Marlene explained it. She told me they'd run some tests, learn what makes Ellie immune, and see if they could replicate it, turn it into an antivirus. I wanted to stay hopeful; She was. And she'd been the one attacked. Ellie's selfless like that, she always has been, and it amazed me usually. Right now...It fucking terrified me. In the pit of my stomach, I felt dread. In the pit of my stomach, I felt dread, horror, and concern while going to a place where I had desperately wanted to be only three weeks before. ↳ We had to pull over. The anxiety got so bad Ellie had to hold my hair while I vomited on the side of the road, Joel stood protectively near us with a shotgun in his hand and though neither party complained, I had enough shame and embarrassment for all three of us. The nausea is still here. So is the anxiety.

"Di, you left some clothes at mi-" My heart, I was sure, had dropped to my ass when I laid eyes on her, it was almost surreal. There she was. Ellie Williams in the flesh stood in front of my very eyes, it was like those dramatic romcoms where the two main characters lay eyes on one another for the first time, cheesy music playing behind them and the wind mysteriously blowing in their hair dramatically.

Reality was far less compelling, maybe even disappointing. Her eyes didn't move from mine, gaze unwavering and I wish I could say I held her gaze, that I was a stronger woman, but the person in front of me; Her effect was strong, my heart pounding in my chest, thudding loudly in my ears.

She was still the same Ellie I once knew, her features familiar but older, voice a little lower and filled with a light rasp and a newfound maturity. She was beautiful, but she always had been. — I'm transported into the past, remembering how many times I spent staring at and just...admiring her.

I watch her feet when she shuffles over to Dina, butterflies in my stomach and chest tight. I know I have zero right to be jealous and zero claim on Ellie anymore, hell I barely even know her now but fuck did it still hurt seeing that damned black bra sitting atop the pile of clothes she handed back to Dina, the implications behind it rather clear.

I don't know why I didn't allow myself to speak first, my tongue darting out to lick my dried chapped lips; I couldn't feel any more excited than the moment she took the option from me, she turned to me, that all too familiar half grin on her face. "Riley..."

"You two...know each other?"

My gaze drags itself back over to her and Dina. I only manage a weak nod. Ellie's own eyes hadn't left me, and it fills me with a hope I don't believe I deserve to have. I'm not able to muster even the smallest reply. My chest feels so tight that I have to remind myself I'm not dying, though it feels like a heart attack waiting to happen when I'm standing in front of her. Funny that, an entire apocalypse happening before our very eyes and the thing most likely to end my life were the eyes of the ex-girlfriend I let slip through my grasp. Oh, this cursed blessing we call love and its bittersweet intricacies.

"Ellie?" Dina asks again. The look on her face and the desperation in her voice aren't dead on me. I could tell she'd probably put two and two together on her lonesome when both Ellie and I hadn't uttered a word, both of us looking like deers caught in headlights. She clears her throat, resigning her efforts to find out more, at least for now, that is.

"How did you find this place?" Ellie speaks up next, one of her fists clenched to her side, a tell I'd learned meant she was holding back her emotions. Fighting them with all her might. I didn't quite blame her.

I had a track record for surprising her, and not in ways I've ever been too proud of.

"Joel's been putting in a good word for me, i-it was never a sure thing because the locals wouldn't trust me. Took a good almost 3 months, but I'm here." I muster up the weakest breathy laugh I can, a stupid attempt at keeping things light, but I could tell by the look in her eyes...I'd hurt her again.

I knew why I didn't keep in touch, but it'd always look bad in her eyes, rightfully so. I was always running from something, or towards it. And in pursuit, I'd isolate myself. Abandon the ones who cared too much, who loved too hard. It was all so overwhelming when in hindsight...I didn't even love myself yet, and so I ran. I ran to convince myself I couldn't be loved, or maybe I ran because I'm scared to be loved. Either way, I've done a helluva lot of it. From my past, my present, hell even my damned future.

"So...You've been keeping in touch with Joel? Huh."

Marlene was someone I thought I could trust, I regarded her with the highest respect. She is, was, like a maternal figure to me, motherly and caring. She trained with me, helped me learn to hunt for food, and made sure I was fed and clothed. Hell, she'd have given me the clothes from her sooner than she'd let me go cold. All this being told to say,,, FUCK MARLENE, and FUCK FIREFLY. We're ending this tonight. Ellie deserves better than the world is giving to her, and I'm fucking determined to give it to her. I brought Marlene to her eagerly when I found out just how special I already knew she was, I've put in danger too many damn times for me to count. I'm making this better. Ellie, do you hear me? I'm making this fucking better!

I couldn't breathe, it felt like I was suffocating from thick tension in the cabin, two pairs of eyes on me and the most important set held a hint of betrayal in them, I couldn't hold on much longer but it wasn't me who gave in first. Ellie looks at me with so much conflict in those all too familiar eyes. She looks like she wants to say something, anything. After a while I see her gaze travel back to Dina and I feel a little sense of bittersweet relief.

She was slipping through the cracks of my fingers all over again.

"We should go help start on dinner for the kids, D."

There was something in Dina's gaze that told she picked up on the history. She was quiet, demure as opposed to the excitable social butterfly I'd met just moments before. She nods at Ellie's request, giving me only a quiet "Bye" with a limp-handed wave.

Ellie doesn't look back. I keep willing her to. I know she feels my stare burning through hers. 'Ellie, please' My eyes pleaded, and I could feel tears welling. My heart nearly stops the second she turns one last time. I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. Her expression is unreadable, but that doesn't matter to me.

She looked back.

The carnage was bad. Marlene was just one of many Joel and I slaughtered that night. Would you not do the same for the girl you loved? I couldn't watch them kill her, and I got the sense Joel felt a fatherly love towards her now. He wasn't letting her go down without a fight either and that...That I don't regret. She's still alive. The aftermath is what keeps me up most nights. Ellie was suspicious from the get-go, Joel had fed her some lie about there being others like her, about raiders slaughtering the many in the Fireflies massacre. He told her a cure couldn't be replicated from her immunity, and I? I sat there numbly nodding along when all I wanted to do was blurt out the truth and deal with the consequences while this could still possibly be salvaged, and maybe that was delusional of me, but Joel could see I didn't have it me to keep this a secret from her...I could see the disappointment clouding his stare. When Ellie had finally had enough of the storytelling, he told her everything while I sat with my hands folded neatly in my lap and my head bowed cowardly, I wasn't able to look her in the eyes. I had never heard Ellie so angry the night she broke up with me. I deserved it...We deserved it.

"Ex?" Dina asks and I instantly wanna shut down. We were just getting into a rhythm, and though we weren't official? I still feel so damn guilty about the emotions Riley's presence brings me. A conflicting feeling of happiness, relief, a little bit of anger, and sadness? But there was one untapped emotion that was unlocking its cage at the mere sight of her. I choke it down and give Dina an honest answer because I at least owe her that.

"Mhmm. But we were kids. Nothing serious."

The understatement in my words made me wanna curl in on myself. How could I sit there and tell Dina she wasn't serious to me when she's been the only thing on my mind since before I even met Dina.

I feel sick.

"Nothing serious, Williams?" Dina arches a brow as if scanning me for any hint of a lie, and I cook up another one even with multiple on my tongue already. I stomach the acid that comes with swallowing my words. Hard truths.

"Yeah. Nothing serious. Why? Jealous?" Our shoulders knock, and I force myself to smile, I give myself this distraction because I'm not quite sure I'm ready to face the music. Eventually, I know it won't be an option but right now...

"That's cute, Williams. No, I'm not jealous but remind me to kick your ass with some snowballs later just for asking."

"Defensive. Must be some truth to it."

Dina sends a glare my way and that red blush dusts across her cheeks with a familiarity that both warms and breaks my heart immensely. She gives me the middle finger and I can't help but chuckle. "Again? Would be my pleasure."

She groans, but I can see that little hint of a smile appearing on her lips. One she can't control, and yet she tries hard to.

"Shove it."

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

"WHEW." Exhaustion was written on Riley's face, the midmorning frost can hardly keep her awake, nor the sound of hooves galloping through the snow. What does keep her awake comes in the form of the brunette on the horse in front of her.

Exes were something most regarded through black and white lenses, there were unwritten guidelines on how to deal with them and the most important always seemed to be to stay away from them. Protect your peace; Heal.

It was easier said than done when Ellie Williams was your ex. She had an effect on people that left a mark in their psyche so deep, she simply stayed there far past her welcome. Riley was aching, she was aching every day she was near her. The air was always thicker than a knife could cut it, so many words were left unsaid, and emotions were left with no closure.

Neither is ready to talk just yet. Neither are ready until the first rumble of thunder and lightning. The two stop their horses to look at back at one another with concern etched onto their features. Riley is the first to speak up.

"Should we go back?"

Ellie's eyes take Riley in and for a moment she's silent as if contemplating something before ultimately shaking her head. "Nah, I know a place not too far from here. We won't have time to go back. C'mon."

Without another word uttered between them, Riley trails behind her heart beating out of her chest at the thought of being alone with Ellie for God knows how long while the storm raged, this was something she'd been anxious about since the first day she was allowed duty.

↳

There were unwritten rules when dealing with exes and the most important was that you obviously don't associate with them let alone get back together with them, and maybe that was Ellie's problem. She had never been too fond of the rules. Her eyes were glued to Riley's back as they walked into the warehouse, a storm brewing too fast for them to dodge it and get back to town, Riley could feel her heart pounding at simply the thought of being stuck with Ellie during a snowstorm.

What would they do? Talk about? She was convinced Ellie wanted nothing to do with her and she couldn't start a conversation, not with guilt bearing on her heavier than it'd done the night she betrayed her.

She can't look her way.

"Y'know if we're gonna be stuck here, we might as well get used to it."

Ellie was the first to speak up and it'd shock Riley into silence if she'd been talking. She swallows, her palms feeling sweaty and eyes darting around the room to find something they can land on. She has to reply but she has no idea what to say.

"Yeah." is all she musters. Fucking yeah.

"That the best ya got? After all these years?"

Ellie doesn't know what she's doing or why she's doing it, she just knows Riley brings it out of her and she hates every last second of it, the way her heart desires forgiveness and reconciliation, even if her mind didn't. It was a pull she could never quite deny when it came to her.

Riley licks her lips, head nodding. She turns on her heels and their eyes meet for the first time since they'd reunited in a way that gave Riley hope in her time here. Their time here. "You wanna talk? Okay, let's talk."

↳

"We were so young back then. Naive. Stupid." She coughed, her lungs hadn't felt the burn of smoking weed in so long. She'd almost forgotten it existed until Ellie pulled a joint out of her boot; Her cough turns into a small laugh that's followed by Ellie's own. Her hand reaches over and she damn near flinches when it's rested on her arm. She can't help the way her eyes shift to the movement, Ellie's voice soft in her ears.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay."

The silence that befalls them is a tense comfort, their eyes never drifting and both with matching smiles on their lips.

"I missed you, Ri. You were suppoed to be here."

Riley's smile slowly faded with Ellie's words, looking elsewhere, she leans forward slightly, "I'm sorry I wasn't."

Before Ellie even knows it she's reaching out, tilting Riley's head back to her, lips without further warning pressing to hers, and for once in her life, she doesn't regret it.

It feels right. Ellie's hand tangles into her hair, tugging her as close as she could damn well get her as she attempts to put years of being apart, years of trauma and heartbreak into one lousy kiss.

Her hands roam, and it's not something just desperate. Something needy. She wants to memorize Riley all over again, and if she could simply confirm the reality of the situation as well, she absolutely would. She simply needed the confirmation.

Her fingers trail up her neck, eyes moving down to the woman who'd somehow ended up beneath her, chests heaving and lips connected by a thin line.

"Thank you for coming back."

A lazy smile rests upon her lips, her body filled with nervous energy, she wished to be cool, smooth, something that didn't come out as a shy muddled mess, yet the second her lips part...

"Can we...do that again?"

"Kiss?" A low chuckle rumbles through her chest, propped up on an elbow with her chest pressed against hers.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?" Licking her lips, she brings Rylie closer, feeling the tension release from her joints, the stress of longing and unending denial. She'd always carried it with her like weight, something she couldn't shake.

For now, she feels light.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

Ellie's eyes cut over to Dina for the 50th time, chewing on her bottom lip, I can tell she feels the same horrid mix of guilt and relief. I can see it on her face and I don't think I can quite blame her. What we've done...

I never deserved to just be able to walk back into Ellie's life and I'm sure Dina is feeling every bit of it, I think I know the feeling. That hopelessness I felt the moment I saw them together. As though I thought she wouldn't have moved on.

"It's okay, El." I put a hand on her shoulder that I know won't be as relieving and comforting as I hope it to be.

"She's looking over here." She whispers back to me, hand grasping mine like it was her only way to escape, and my lips take no time when kissing the back of it, allowing her to pull me closer for a moment.

I feel sick myself, I feel nauseous. I know I don't deserve this. I know Dina deserves better, and yet my selfishness doesn't allow me to let go. I hold on tighter.

There's a tap on my shoulder, and when I turn around, I can feel my stomach tighten. I deserve this. Whatever hell there is to pay.

Instead she holds up a red solo cup and offers it to me. I can smell the nostalgic aroma of hot chocolate, the steam warming my freezing cheeks as I take it between a gloved hand. El lingers right beside me, I can feel her breath on my skin.

"Drink. It has marshmallows. That's a rarity, y'know." Dina prompts, nodding her head to the cup, her expression hasn't changed and it's almost threatening though in the most oddly comforting sense I had ever felt.

"Is it poisoned?" My stomach growls, hesitating the slightest bit to bring it to my lips. It was a joke. Mostly.

Without a beat skipped, Dina shrugs. "Yes."

There it stays, that blank expression for another beat or two. All three of us are stuck in a staredown and none of us a blinking.

Her lips quirk up into a little half-smile. I'm soon to follow. Ellie looks relieved.

My lips wrap around the rim.

𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎𓆪𓆰♥︎𓆪𓆰♡︎

A/N: I’M BACK! and i brought LESBIANS with me!! 😁

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