#rian gives people too much credit

[callmelilianno]

So, i'm curently writing a DC AU-

ARIA WAYNE

Has a cool adoptive dad (who still doesn't understand the definition of "cool" after practically raising a million kids) but still smiles (softly, of course) when he hears any of his children call him this way. Has like a billion siblings (only 5 in papers).

BACKSTORY:

Her parents sold her to a group of meta traffickers a few days after her 9th birthday. They started experimenting on her, a pair of big wings started to grow on her back and feathers started appearing all over her skin. Of course, she wasn't the only one who had to put up with all that suffering, because after almost four months in captivity, two certain children, who weren't too much older than her, seemed to also have been taken by the group. That's how the three of them became friends.

After what seemed like an eternity for the poor kids, but only having been over two years and a half, the Justice League were able to track the traffickers who kidnapped them and, eventually, found the three children. While the three of them have already gotten used to each other by now, they couldn't wait more than to go back to their parents. At least, the other two wanted to. Aria didn't want to do anything with her parents, after finding out they were the one who put her through the torture in the first place, that's the last people she would want to see. That's how Bruce Wayne decided to take her in and raise her as his own. She got to meet her new brothers and sisters. It's a pretty big family. Aria decided to use her powers for the greater good and asked Batman if he could train her. After the whole "you're too young to be out there" conversation (which was weird, considering how old the Robins were when he took them out), he decided to do as she said. She was training for 7 months before she went out on her first official mission, giving herself the code name "Girl Bat", which was later changed to "Raven" (the last one was too...you got the point).

In her time spent out on either patrolling, or missions, she got to meet other heroes and vigilantes, as well as the two certain children she met not too long ago. The thing is, they are also heroes themselves. What a coincidence, huh? Finally, almost 5 years after Bruce took her in, the Justice League decided to initiate a team of young heroes who could work for them as a public unit, going on missions that the Justice League couldn't take care of. She became the leader of 'Team Zero' after the members of the Justice League voted for such. She is now operating with her curent superhero teammates, Girl Flash, Boy Flash and Nova, and hanging out with them at their base tower in Metropolis in their free time, as their civilian selfs, Diana West, Rian West and Octavia Prince.

(Only now I see how much I wrote 🥲)

(Don't repost without credits, thx!)

[everysongineverykey]

glass onion is just one of those movies that would be so good if it was good. you know what i mean. like, i have to give it credit: the acting’s amazing, the soundtrack’s awesome, the comedy is brilliant throughout, the whole movie’s beautifully shot, and benoit blanc has so much more personality, but cmon. look me in the eye and tell me the story is as good as knives out’s. 

like. there’s a secret pair of identical twins. cmon lol. at that point rian johnson was just having fun. honestly, i wouldn’t have minded as much if it wasn’t written to be a twist- i would’ve preferred if we’d known about helen from the very beginning. i don’t think introducing her in a hurried flashback that takes up like ten minutes of the final act was a great decision- the entire movie up to that point had been building up andi’s character, so to scrap her in the last, like, 45 minutes and try to build up a completely different character in way less time just makes them both end up feeling kind of flat as characters. glass onion’s character writing struggles almost everywhere- the only character that really felt real to me was benoit (again, i have to give them credit. benoit was done WONDERFULLY in this movie). it’s funny, because glass onion’s main cast has around the same number of people as knives out, and yet the characters in the latter all felt so much more natural and down-to-earth and lived-in.

glass onion’s problem is that it tried to go WAY bigger than knives out, really grand and over-the-top and spectacular, and while i adored watching benoit yell at a techbro billionaire ceo and helen burning his stupid mansion to the ground, the social commentary in knives out was just better done. it was less in-your-face. if glass onion could only have been more subtle in its message, i think i would’ve liked it a lot better. contrast the final shot of knives out, with marta looking down at the rich assholes who used to own the balcony she’s standing on, just sipping her coffee, with the final moments of glass onion: a billionaire’s stupid extravagant dangerous vanity project burns to the ground while the working class woman who did the deed stares off into the distance, contemplative. i agree completely with the general spirit, but... eh, it’s just too much.

i think much of glass onion’s trouble with character writing stems from this very fact- it tried to do something insane, extravagant, unimaginable to the average person, and so it collected several typical “rich person” archetypes to build its main cast around. you’ve got the elon musk parody billionaire, the politician who talks tough but is really terrified of losing her following, the vapid, vainglorious fashion icon, the mra dickhead youtuber, etc. these are archetypes we know exist- we see them on tv, we laugh at them on the news and critique them from afar, but the average person does not know anyone like this personally. compare this with the cast of knives out, made up entirely of fairly ordinary conservative, patriotic americans who aren’t willing to give their money to anyone they deem beneath them. these are normal people. everyone has at least one aunt like jamie lee curtis’ character, at least one leftist cousin like katherine langford’s character. they can look at linda and meg and jacob and walt and say, “that’s like my republican grandmother, my trashy alt-right cousin, my trumpy uncle,” etc. 

not only does this give knives out a sense of down-to-earth-ness and (for lack of a better term) intimacy that glass onion lacks with its rich shitheads, it does a lot of the writers’ jobs for them- since many already know people like this, it makes it easier for the viewers to fill in the blanks. this isn’t me calling the writers lazy by any means, by the way- i love knives out, in case you couldn’t tell. i’m saying that these characters automatically feel more real because they are real. they’re ordinary people. the characters in glass onion feel like cardboard cutouts. most of the main cast just seems like they’re there to throw the audience off from realizing that miles did it. they do what they’re supposed to do- rattle off their respective motives for murdering miles and later andi- and in between, they get drunk and bicker with each other, and they say nothing of much substance. they don’t really feel real.

like i said at the beginning, i keep coming back to the helen reveal. was there any real reason for that to be a surprise reveal in the last 45 minutes instead of just telling us that from the start? all it really accomplishes is taking up like ten minutes of the final act in a long expository flashback (in which we also get like three other MINI flashbacks) and adding in an entire new character that doesn’t get nearly enough time to become fully realized or fleshed out. the only thing i really liked about it was the way the sudden context gave new meaning to blanc’s “there’s only one person who can tell us who killed cassandra brand,” because realizing after that flashback that it really was all about her all along really threw me for a loop, but that’s really all it gives us. it’s just misdirection for the sake of misdirection.

i dunno. i loved glass onion, let me make that clear. i thought everything else about it more than made up for the subpar story, and i’ve seen it twice now and i WILL watch it again when it hits streaming, and i desperately hope they make more blanc movies, but... yeah. the only thing that could make that movie better is if it was good.

[jjorbles]

My Favorite Movies & Shows of 2022

There were only really 8 movies that I saw and really loved that came out this year, so here they are in mostly no particular order.

Movies:

Glass Onion

This is the only entry I've actually rewatched so far. Rian Johnson's movies always reward repeat viewings, especially the Knives Out series. I love the characters and how much fun everyone seems to be having playing them. I hope Rian Johnson & Daniel Craig keep making these forever, and I hope this finally gets Janelle Monáe the recognition she deserves and we get many more lead roles in amazing movies from her.

Nope

This one has haunted me since I saw it. Jordan Peele's movies always give me a lot to think about, but something about this one cut deep into my core. It created the perfect monster to manifest all my fears, anxieties, and trauma about performing, existing as a spectacle, and the dehumanizing feeling of laying your soul bare to an audience, and the devil's bargain that that is. It's also the most invested I've ever been in the characters of a Jordan Peele movie, as the protagonists of his previous movies felt a little more like vehicles for the themes of the story than real people. I got really attached to OJ & Em, which made the horror much more effective. I wish I could've seen this in IMAX, even though I'm not sure I could've even handled that.

Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

This movie is exactly what the title says, such a bizarre mishmash of tones and ideas that somehow comes together as a beautifully simple story of family. It grounds itself in honest optimism without it feeling forced. In times that feel so willfully overwhelming that they drive us towards nihilism, the unwavering optimism at the core of this movie was exactly what I needed.

Turning Red

I've always loved monsters as metaphors for the uncomfortable aspects of the human experience. Monsters as puberty metaphors have been done before, but usually only for boys, at least in media aimed at younger audiences. Female-coded versions are usually the exclusive domain of R-rated horror. A movie like this that uses the creative framework of a family of were-pandas to talk frankly about the coming of age of teen girls is long overdue, and this knocks it out of the park.

Violent Night

I was not expecting this to be as good as it was. We've had killer Santa's before, but never one that quite balanced the ironically violent premise with a genuinely sweet family Christmas story. David Harbour is perfect as a cynical, world-weary Santa who still has a heart of gold and just needs to be reminded of the spirit of the holidays...while also brutally murdering armed burglars like a Christmas themed Jason Voorhees. The conflicting tones shouldn't work as well as they do, but I enjoyed this thoroughly and will definitely be making it a yearly tradition.

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

Pinocchio's always been a story about the temptations of boyhood but trust GDT to take that to dark places nobody's ever dared before. It's not just the usual moralizing about "stay in school" & "don't trust strangers". This goes hard into "beware of fascists" and "the church is using you". Pulls absolutely no punches and the animation and design works are hauntingly gorgeous. Easily my favorite Pinocchio ever.

Men

This one I haven't seen talked about much especially compared to the director's previous movies, but I haven't stopped thinking about it since it came out. An uncomfortable, tortuously brutal movie that manages to be about the self-inflicted hell of toxic masculinity without over-empathizing, acknowledging men's pain without ever shaming the female lead for not coddling them. The final few minutes are mind-blowing with a killer cut to the end credits that still sticks with me.

Prey

It took way too long to make good use of the Predator formula. They should've tried something like this years ago. Just pick any point in history, any group of people with survival skills, and sic a Predator on them. It's overdue, but well worth that wait. It's also refreshing to have a movie about Native Americans that doesn't feel the need to insert a token white guy as a crutch.

Movies that I meant to see but I haven't yet: X, Pearl, The Northman, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, Wendell & Wild

If you don't see your favorites, either I didn't like it that much or I wasn't interested. 🤷

Shows:

Andor

It feel SO GOOD to finally be excited by Star Wars again. I thought my enthusiasm for anything outside of the occasional comic or novel had died after the backlash to TLJ (The best Star War ever, don't @ me) resulted in the two-hour backtracking apology to the most toxic parts of the fandom that was TROS, that any will to be creative or take risks had been banned from Lucasfilm. I liked most of the streaming shows fine, but they were the definition of safe bets. Then Andor comes outta nowhere and just blows away all my expectations. It gave us a genuinely great story in the original spirit of Lucas's anti-fascist space opera that relies on character development instead of nostalgia. The only show I immediately rewatched when it was done.

Peacemaker

In the middle of rewatching this one now. Wouldn't have been my first pick for a spinoff, much like Andor, but The Suicide Squad is probably my favorite superhero team movie ever, so I was down for wherever James Gunn wanted to go with it next. A character-driven, heartfelt satire of superheroes, masculinity, and American exceptionalism, that still had heart and made the characters feel real and human.

The Sandman

Neil Gaiman's Sandman was one of the comics thought unfilmable, so that it turned out as good as it did is a miracle. The cast was pretty much perfect, everything they changed made sense, and I can't wait for season 2.

Atlanta

I'm gonna miss this show. Often surreal and always thought provoking, Atlanta is like the stoner version of Jordan Peele's Twilight Zone. I love how unafraid it is to completely break formula and give the main cast a week off to, say, do a faux documentary about an imagined black Disney CEO and his vision for the Goofy Movie. They honestly could have kept it going forever as just an anthology show.

She-Hulk

Fuck the haters, this shit was perfect. Basically the best Marvel streaming show since WandaVision. I've been waiting for Tatiana Maslany's next role since Orphan Black. The 4th wall humor was 🔥, especially in the finale.

Harley Quinn

I did not think they could keep up the momentum after paying off Harlivy, but the latest season proved me wrong. This show continues to be the DC universe equivalent to Venture Bros. Some of the best Batman satire not to involve Legos.

So there's some random thoughts on my favorites of 2022. I've been out of practice writing, so figured this was a good a place as any to put my New Years resolution to write more into practice. You might have noticed no superhero movies made my list. I am a huge nerd, so I did see all of them, I just wasn't too blown away by any of them. A lot of good, not much great IMHO. I'll rank and give some thoughts of them in another entry maybe.

[antidisneyinc]

Top 10 Embarrassing ‘The Batman’ Things

I drafted this a couple days ago when I saw it and I guess at least enough people have sat for this 3 hour long empty fanboy vehicle that I can go ahead and post

I was ready to enjoy this movie at the very least for its cast but it honest to god just made me really embarrassed for them. so here’s my personal catharsis list of cringe The Batman moments, spoilers under the cut obviously:

Paul Dano’s Riddler giving the most hilarious over the top PSYCHO!!1!#!!! performance perhaps of all time. People at my (male fanboy dominated) screening were cracking up BEFORE he even took off his mask, and by the time he started squeaking ave maria (no joke) most of the theater was in uncomfortable stitches. People are going to defend it saying ‘he’s supposed to be a cringe internet radical” but there is no way that we were supposed to find the serial killer antagonist this ridiculous and I cannot wait for the meme clips

Colin Ferrell looking like the goblin king the whole time and being the ugly punchline. Just hire actors who are the size you want next time instead of making grotesque prostheses for a laugh

The DARK DARK DARK GRITTY tone being undermined constantly by how fucking silly Reeves’ universe is. Batman tampers with every crime scene so much it’s a joke by the end. They hold off on arresting him like ten times despite his name appearing on every dead body. Also every “grisly” moment is completely censored or omitted for the rating which makes characters being horrified at things just really funny and anticlimactic

Everything just being weirdly awkward, as movies tend to be nowadays now that test screenings drive the edit. Even the batmobile reveal is super weird, with the car stuttering and stopping. Literally not a single crowdpleasing moment to be found that wasn’t undercut by uncomfortable and hollow filmmaking

The Wayne family plot. There are 3 scenes back to back where bruce just listens to different people telling him different backstory on thomas and martha wayne who were apparently scandalous political figures for some reason. It could’ve just been ‘thomas wayne was yknow a capitalist’ but instead is some weird thing with martha being institutionalized and thomas having mob connections, it takes up like 45 minutes

The copaganda, as always. Singling out the “bad apples” and revealing that there’s a whole bunch of ““good cops”” who the mob bosses couldn’t bribe is supposed to be a gotcha moment

Matt Reeves’ Rian Johnson aura when he tries to inject some social commentary in the form of catwoman calling out the “rich white privileged assholes” only to be wrong and vengeful, actually

On that note, the endlessly infantilizing Revenge is Bad Actually theme, played for the billionth time on cinema’s largest violin and with selina kyle as the naive, damaged would-be killer

Uncomfortable laughs at my showing were second only to exasperated breaths as the movie just. Kept going. Like a solid hour too long. A guy in a batman shirt in front of me who’d been riveted around the one hour mark cried finally as the credits rolled and didn’t bother to stay for a credits scene

Last but not least the embarrassing requisite Joker tease at the end, like this is just any run of the mill trash DC movie. Which it is

hope that helps :) 

[chaos-event-horizon]

A Phone call

"I hope you're not expecting more than a vaguely civil conversation, Yagi."

Toshinori smirked at the tone of the chucklefuck he had on the other end of the line. He was leaning heavily against the side of a building several blocks away from his home, and already could tell this was going to be a fun conversation.

"Aw, so prickly. What's wrong Todoroki, didn't you miss me?"

"Not even a little. I'm getting sick of you trying to punch me in the face."

"Well... From what I hear, you won't have to worry about that for a few days."

The line was quiet, then a growling voice ground its way through the receiver. "If you've done anything to my son--! Yagi, I'm going to--"

"Cool your jets, Flameo. Shouto's fine. You know better than to think I'd hurt a kid."

"...What do you want?"

"Just a yes or no answer. Is your impromptu vacation happening because the main association branch is making a deal with the Shie Hassaikai?"

"... So, you heard about that?"

The blonde smirked as he remembered the night that Rian had gleefully gone to pick up Midoriya from the Todoroki compound and used his quirk to sneak around while leaving a hefty stack of papers on the hero's desk, though he was immediately cooled off by the chilling memories of other lives where things had gone horribly wrong by this point. "Come on, Endeavor... Who do you think provided you with the tip in the first place?"

There was a lot of cursing from the other line, then another strangled growl. "That kid--"

"Is very good friends with your son, yes. Consider him my 'Shouto', and take that into account before you try anything funny."

Near silence, then the sound of rustling papers as the phone's speaker setting kicked on "...Then the information is accurate? Don't toy with me, Yagi, and don't worry about being recorded. I'm de-bugged for the moment."

"As accurate as my people can figure. That's no technology they're developing, it's a girl being used for her quirk. Six years old. The Yakuza plan to hand her over to the government in exchange for a profit and conditional immunity."

"And those damned dogs up top have no problem giving it, as long as it gives them another way to keep the status quo going..."

Toshinori fought with two different emotions: being impressed at how angry his old schoolmate was, and the sudden curiosity at how Todoroki might react to hearing about Rian's story. Maybe he'd tell the hothead someday, if they ever became more amicable. "Which is what we figured... And why we sent you the information. Thought you might be interested in cleaning up."

"Cleaning up?"

"I'm already poised to move on them. We're going to get that girl out, and your buddies in the Hero Association won't be any wiser. Consider the tip and this warning an invitation for you to come in once we leave and make it look like you were just mopping up. You'll notice from the documents we left you that they're also deeply involved with exploiting local businesses and committing rather violent harassment. On the day of, you'll receive a call from a civilian begging you for help. You'll arrive, end whatever party is still happening in there, and be hailed as the hero who put a stop to the Shie Hassaikai."

"What, you're planning on playing hero and just letting me take the credit?"

"Let's say that I have a personal stake in this, but don't want to ruin my reputation."

Silence.

Toshinori sighed. As he thought, Todoroki needed more convincing. "I'll send along proof that the kid's okay. According to our Intel she can't just be let loose anywhere, due to the nature of her quirk... But we have ways to keep her from getting hurt, and more than enough manpower to get the job done."

More silence.

"I can feel you scowling, Enji."

"I'm not a fan of being ordered around by a villain, Yagi."

"Come off it, asshole, you'd be mad if I was a hero too," the blonde grumbled. "Look, your hands are tied, right? Pretty much the only way to keep from being used like a $20 whore by that association is to protest by using vacation time. So let me do the dirty work. Tell your bosses you were there to try to stop me. Let those jackasses save face by letting the world think this was a win for the heroes, with you leading the charge. You and I both know that this deal is morally bankrupt, and saving that little girl is the only right thing to do here. I can stay the bad guy, while you use that godawful fire quirk of yours to spread a bit more light in the world."

"...I hate to admit this... But we've had a deal for the last seven hours. If you hadn't called I was planning on coming to find you."

"Come again?"

"You think I don't hate all this corruption and political nonsense? I tried to get the association to back off so we could save the kid, and you don't want to know what they told me. You and I aren't friends, and we probably hate each other, but even I know that you have a point. Go save that girl. I'll burn any evidence... Ever since he's been around your kid, Shouto's started smiling again. I trust you on this one, Yagi."

The line cut off, and Toshinori was left staring at his phone.

[daincrediblegg]

2, 4, 28, 30, and 33 for the film questions!

2.Favorite director(s)?

Oh god there are so many to list and I know I’m going to forget so many but here we go- I’m also gonna include some showrunner directors in here bc honestly there are way more talented female directors making shows than there are those who make feature films and I need to give them credit for how much they inspire me too. Some of these may be painfully obvious and others not so much but here we go:

Guillermo Del Toro, Mike Flannagan, Peter Jackson, Hiyao Miyazaki, Akira Kurosawa, Orson Welles, Lily and Lana Watchowski, Todd Phillips, Wes Anderson, Robert Eggers, Bong Joon-Ho, Mel Brooks, Taika Watiti, The Coen Brothers, Jon Favreau, Terry Gilliam, Makoto Shinkai, Jim Henson, John Hughes, Chris AND Jonathan Nolan, Lisa Joy, Amy Sherman-Palladino, Noah Baumbach, Sergio Leone, Jordan Peele, Ari Aster, Jonathan E. Steinburg, Sam Mendez, Kenneth Branagh, Vince Gilligan, Spike Jonze, Spike Lee, Rian Johnson, Tarsem Singh, Billy Wilder, Alfred Hitchcock, Francis Ford Coppola and begrudgingly Quentin Tarantino (bc even tho he is way overrated in the film bro community he does make some fun movies it has to be said)

4.What’s a movie you watched over and over again as a child that you still love?

Another that I remember watching a LOT is legally blonde. When I started sleeping by myself at night my parents let me keep a tiny DVD player in my room and I used to watch movies on it to go to sleep (also bc I was afraid of the dark for a long ass time) and I distinctly remember Legally Blonde was the first one that I put on every night to sleep to lmao.

28.Recommend three completely different movies.

Aight. First if you haven’t seen Top Gun Maverick you should bc it’s all practical and that’s fucking insane to do and nobody else has made a flight movie like this ever. The original looks like fucking tinker toys in comparison I mean like literally but it walked so this film could fucking SOAR so… yeah. There u go.

Next is a deep cut: Bicycle Thieves. Italian Neo-Realism at its finest (which basically means none of the “actors” in it were career actors- just normal people, and no extras either- nothing is staged it’s all 100% just footage from the real world, and also probably the best child actor I’ve ever seen playing the kid in this ever. Also this was Sergio Leone before all the spaghetti westerns and frankly I think this might be my fave film of his to trump them all).

Another deep cut but since we’re thinking about star wars and obi wan kenobi I can’t help but mention The Hidden Fortress by Akira Kurosawa. If you want to know where Star Wars comes from? Thats it. In its entirety. And Toshiro Mifune essentially plays the original Obi Wan Kenobi (and god what a perfect world that could’ve been if he had but this is a great window into that- also I think he’s a better sword fighter than Alec Guinness for sure). I might have to even re-watch again for further parallels to the Kenobi series man.

30.Favorite movie with a pet/animal as an important aspect?

I mean god where do I start. First that comes to mind is Babe bc I watched that so much as a kid it’s burned into my head now. Then I thought Okja because jesus that fucker got dark (but god damn important as a film for sure)… but fuck all that we’re gonna go with Balto because that was my fave as a kid I even had a wolf stuffie I named Balto after him so there u go.

33.Name a film you could write an entire 10+ page essay on. (If you’ve done it, what was the focus?)

Well I mean I have written many 10 page papers on many films lmao. My first was on LOTR and it was focused on Merry and Pippin but in hindsight it wasn’t the most well thought out theme or execution (but then again whose first college paper is?) but WITH that hindsight it’s really a think piece about the vitality of side characters to the movement of plot- using both the book and the films as examples to how Merry and Pippin shape the story of LOTR way more than they’re given credit for. Yes I have always been a slut for them.

Another one I wrote more recently was a comparison of horror director methodology to edgar allan poe’s essays on writing structure in which I of course used GDT and crimson peak as my prime example- given time I would’ve delved more into mike flannagan and robert eggers films and shows too as examples of the grander cinematic gothic revival, but alas, that’s a whole ass thesis and it was only a 7 page assignment and I didn’t have that kind of time. Also I did a critical analysis about the ending of Apt Pupil once that correlated the nazi imagery to the american male teenager that earned me a handshake from my professor and an A for the course but like y’know no big deal. And of course y’all know how bad down I am about midnight mass I mean Y’all have seen the meta posts that are somehow still circulating. I have so much about that series living in my head and never enough time to put it to paper lmao. In fact thats true of a lot of things I literally have so many essays in my head happening all at once and I am always looking for some kind of excuse to write it but never getting one lmao

FILM QUESTIONS

[toaarcan]

One ship exposes everything wrong with TRoS

Heaven help me, I’m back on my bullshit.

Alright, so, I enjoyed The Rise of Skywalker when I watched it. I actually watched it twice, once on my own when I rushed to see it as soon as possible in order to beat spoilers, and once with my family, in what was a semi-annual new year tradition for us during those four years that a Star Wars film released.

But that doesn’t mean it was good. I enjoyed Transformers: Dark of the Moon the first time I watched it, and that movie’s still a steaming pile of shit. I was admittedly fifteen when I saw DotM, but still. 

My point is that I’m fully capable of enjoying crappy films.

But there’s one thing, one thing about TRoS that exemplifies so many of the problems with TRoS as a whole, if not everything (And by that I mean with TRoS specifically, the woeful treatment of John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran is a Whole Trilogy Problem). And it’s a ship. Specifically this ship.

The Resistance Y-Wing. I hate this ship with the fiery passion of an exploding star, and to talk about why, we need to first go back to The Last Jedi and its conspicuous lack of Y-Wings.

One of the things that I disliked most about the Sequels before TRoS put all the other problems into stark light was the lack of new ships. Instead of new vehicles, we got shinier, sleeker versions of the ships from the original trilogy. And I disliked this because it’s the opposite of what the Prequels did.

Episodes I-III don’t feature more primitive versions of the X-Wing and TIE Fighter, but instead have similar vehicles that evoke the classics while still having an identity of their own.

The ARC-170 looks kinda like an X-Wing, but it’s bigger and has more weapons and crew, and you get why the well-funded Republic can afford things like this while the scrappy Rebels can’t.

The Eta-2 is a predecessor to the TIE Fighter, but it being employed exclusively by Jedi makes a lot of sense, of course a precognitive wizard with superhuman reflexes can do well in a light, unshielded ship, while in the hands of the Empire’s military they’re just expendable swarm fighters.

But then in the Sequels, rather than evolve the ships into new forms, they just made new incarnations of the X-Wing, TIE Fighter, A-Wing, TIE Interceptor, B-Wing, and of course the Y-Wing.

Well, except for one movie: The Last Jedi.

At the outset of the film, we’re introduced to this ship.

This is the MG-100 StarFortress, AKA “That ship all the Star Wars Youtubers hate”. It’s designed to be a much heavier and bulkier version of the B-Wing Starfighter, and is even made by the same people.

From questions about how the bombs “fall” toward the Dreadnought (The answer is magnets) to claims that they’re completely useless because most of the ones in the film died so easily, these things have been put through the wringer by the fandom, and honestly they don’t deserve it? What destroyed the StarFortresses in the film wasn’t their own weaknesses, but them being deployed in too tight a formation. It was a tactical fuckup, not a problem with the ship’s design.

And given that the whole point of the battle over D’Qar is that Poe makes a tactical fuckup to kickstart his development into the new leader of the Resistance as a whole, adding another layer makes sense to me.

But we live in a post-CinemaSins world of media consumption, where every plot-point that isn’t spelled out with a flowchart and an audio commentary by the writers is actually a plothole. 

We also live in an era where Star Wars fans pine for the days of the Legends canon where everything about new ships, species, and worlds was explained in background lore and books, and are angry that the new Canon is... doing exactly the same thing?

Seriously, how much exposition and lore dumping is actually present in any of the Star Wars films? Not a whole lot. And that applies to all three eras. 

So the StarFortress’ appearance in the film and the lack of Y-Wings led to a bevy of armchair writers demanding to know why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings and why they were using those “Resistance Bombers” that are just ‘terrible’.

Answer? Because the Y-Wings sucked shit.

Seriously, go back to the Original Trilogy and try to keep track of the Y-Wings, and see what they actually do, and you’ll find that what they do is “Explode, mostly.”

We’re first introduced to the Y-Wings in A New Hope, and they’re supposed to be the ones performing the Trench Run while the X-Wings cover them, and to their credit, they try.

And then they all get blown up by Vader and his wingmen before they can even take a shot at the exhaust port. Well, except that one that appears with the rebel ships flying away from the Death Star.

Where the fuck were you when the X-Wings were doing the attack run?

The Y-Wings got absolutely wrecked.

Ancillary media would go on to explain that the Y-Wings were beat-up old vehicles that were no longer fit for purpose, but the Rebels had to use them anyway because they had basically no money. They’d stripped down the ships and removed a bunch of their more costly features just to make them viable, and the results of that were pretty clear.

Of course, the Y-Wings were still present in the later films. They don’t do anything in The Empire Strikes Back, but they play a role in Return of the Jedi.

Naturally, that role is mostly “Get blown up while the other ships do the important stuff”.

Despite supposedly being a fighter-bomber that was designed to do significant damage to capital ships, does the Y-Wing play a role in the destruction of the Executor? Does it fuck. Destroying the Imperial flagship’s deflector shields and the subsequent suicidal ram attack on the bridge are tasks that are both performed by the goddamn A-Wings. Y’know, the light interceptors?

The Y-Wings get shown up at their own job by the ships that are there to protect them from TIE Fighters.

Ancillary media again explains why they’re still there. While the Rebels have a newer, better fighter-bomber in the B-Wing, the B-Wing is expensive as fuck and also really difficult to fly. 

A non-centreline cockpit that rotates will do that to a ship.

Still, the B-Wing was a better bomber than the Y-Wing ever was (And the StarFortress was better than them both at that role).

All this adds up to a simple fact: There were very good reasons why the Resistance weren’t using Y-Wings. And there were even reasonable reasons to choose the StarFortress compared to the B-Wing itself, given that the Resistance are still undermanned and under-funded, especially with the New Republic getting nuked midway through The Force Awakens. It being easier to fly and having more armaments would have made it a viable choice for the Resistance.

Buuuut oops, people didn’t like the StarFortress and we can’t make the Internet angry at us again! Better put the Y-Wings back in for Episode IX, and show them destroying a Xyston-class Destroyer, that’ll make them happy!

And sure, okay, giving the Resistance a fighter/bomber is probably a good idea. And they already have New X-Wings and New A-Wings, so where’s the harm in a New Y-Wing?

Alright, alright, sure. But why the fuck does it look like this?

If this is a new ship, why is it already stripped-down like the ones in the Original Trilogy? Why doesn’t it look like the actual brand-new Y-Wings we saw in The Clone Wars? 

Now that’s more like it. Still visibly a Y-Wing, but with more of an identity of its own. 

Seriously, “Literally the same ship but without its armour pulled off” has more of a unique identity than the crowd-pleasing New Y-Wing.

And that, in and of itself, is the essence of The Rise of Skywalker.

It’s blind, empty fanservice, rushing to include as much nostalgia-pandering as possible to try and get the fanbase back on-side after The Last Jedi didn’t do what the fanboys wanted it to do.

This is a whole near- three hour movie whose only message is “Yes, Youtubers making TFA critiques longer than an entire season of TCW, we hear you, we’ll make it for you, please love us!”

And, almost entirely predictably, it was shite.

It was riddled with plotholes and none of the scenes had any time to breathe because the movie was too desperately trying to rush itself to the next crowd-pleasing scene in a desperate attempt to wank off as many disgruntled fanboys as it possibly could.

Luke with his green saber! Jedi Leia! Chewie gets a medal! Lando! Luke raises his X-Wing out of the water! The main villain is a testicle in a bathrobe again! Snork origin! Original-flavour Star Destroyers! Rose doesn’t exist! Rey had a super-special secret magical bloodline the whole time and Luke and Leia totally knew even though Luke has literally no idea who she is in Episode VIII! Luke actually was just afraid of the bad guys in Episode VII, none of that self-imposed exile for his own mistakes nonsense! Y-Wings.

I mean fuck. Disagree with Luke’s portrayal in TLJ all you like, I certainly have my issues with it, but I lay those at the feet of JJ for making Luke’s absence into one of his fucking Mystery Boxes, and then deciding that, even though last time Luke sensed Leia and Han might be in danger, he abandoned his Jedi training, hopped in an X-Wing, and flew halfway across the galaxy to try and save them, he wouldn’t do shit when the First Order pointed a star-powered System-Killer 9000 at Leia, and Han got himself killed trying to redeem Kyle Ron. Like how in fuck was Rian supposed to explain Luke’s inaction in VII?

But regardless of the problems with that Luke portrayal, at least Mark Hamill gave it his all. Hell, it might be his best performance in the Star Wars franchise!

 In TRoS, he shows up in a bad wig, waves a middle finger at TLJ, and ascends to his final form as a Lightsaber Delivery Boy, because apparently all you need to kill a Sith who literally clawed his way back from death is two lightsabers. Haunting Kyle Ron? Nope. Providing guidance as a ghost? Not really.

And y’know what the kicker is? It didn’t fucking work. Lucasfilm and Disney fucking gutted this trilogy, sliced out the integrity, surgically removed the soul of Episode IX in a desperate effort to make the Internet’s most unpleasable fanbase happy, and it didn’t work. They still hate it! Now they just concoct hour-long videos about how much they would’ve preferred to have the Trevorrow script (Which is admittedly much better, albeit still with it’s far share of giant flaws), which was probably thrown out because it wasn’t fanservicey enough!

The Rise of Skywalker is an awful film. It’s a loose collection of nostalgia-baiting moments, roughly stapled together around the skeleton of a plot that was never properly developed. It’s a Frankenstein’s Monster of a movie, but, and I say this with full offense, the Victor Frankenstein in this tragic story isn’t Lucasfilm or Disney or Kathleen Kennedy or Rian Johnson, or even JJ Abrams. It’s you, Star Wars Fandom. It is your monster. 

[frumfrumfroo]

People don't want to admit TLJ wasn't perfect either. Rian gave way too much screentime to the side characters and their storyline. I love Kelly, but even Rose had more screentime than Adam, the protagonist, who played the Skywalker in the Skywalker Saga. FinnRose took over the "Reylo" screentime. The main romance. Literally. Rian directed Leia as an ignorant mom who cares more about Poe then her own child. Pple give him too much credit. Kylo even had less s.time in TLJ than in TFA ffs🙏

I’m not one of those people. I’ve always said that TLJ isn’t perfect, you can scroll back, but it was genuinely good, thoughtful, and sincere which is more than can be said for the rest of the st. It’s thematically on point, it understands sw, it’s full of life, and it made it briefly appear that LF knew exactly what they were doing with the basic emotional outline even if the execution could have been a lot better.

I’d just... have to take issue with some of your reasoning. Ben is the thematic centre of the story, but he was not the protagonist. Rey is the protagonist. We can discuss why she isn’t a good protagonist and why she has no business being the protagonist if the point of her journey isn’t to save Ben (the Skywalker) with unconditional love, but that inarguably is her position in the narrative.

I agree he should have had more screentime, though quantity isn’t everything. The weight of his presence dominates the entire Force plot and drives all of Rey’s character development, so it feels like he has more content than he actually does, but definitely a few more intimate moments would have greatly benefited the story. I’m not going to rail on Rian too much for the structural issues the film has, because he was written into numerous corners by the slapdash nature of TFA which left him a lot of difficult problems to solve and he was obviously trying to be as respectful as humanly possible both to his predecessor and his successor. He left the plot wide open and trusted LF to finish the character arcs he’d built without having their hands tied, which he shouldn’t have in retrospect. He was trying to have TLJ be its own film with its own identity as well as backinterpreting TFA into coherent arcs for both the OT characters and the new characters and it’s too much to deal with.

Leia treats Poe like what he is- a subordinate whom she likes. There’s no competition to be drawn between that relationship and her feelings towards Ben- she is not Poe’s mum and doesn’t ever act like his mum. I’ve discussed the lack of intimacy between Ben and the OT characters a couple times, but TLJ is still a massive improvement over TFA, a lot of it is again inherited structural wonkiness, and if she were to reach out to him a third time there’d be no final movie because he would have come home. The Ben/Leia and Ben/Luke relationships are set up to be fleshed out/resolved later as Ben becomes more receptive and able to consider forgiveness, they just never were.

Some of this is also a problem with how sw movies work, what their priorities are and how they treat serious drama (as giant tableau moments, not with psychological realism), and I’m not going to single TLJ out for something that is consistent across the entire franchise. He could have done more, but if the foundation had been strong he wouldn’t have had to and he shouldn’t have had to (for Leia, that is, we can blame him for the lack of emotional content in Luke’s relationship with Ben, but the film already spends huge amounts of time on Luke and it’s not feasible for him to discuss this with Rey so I can see the dilemma he must have had). The main emotional threads being in separate post codes was a hard thing to overcome without having Leia just sit down and exposit about her feelings. This would have been solved by a good third film that brought the threads together in the first act.

The Fathier chase is too long and that would be time better spent on nearly anything else, won’t argue there. But Rose is a key character who gives the thesis statement of the film and her substantive screentime is not misplaced. Less substantive stuff could have been trimmed, sure.

The whole st is... unfocussed... and there was only so much that could ever be mitigated by anyone coming in after the fact, no matter how talented. Under the circumstances, I find TLJ’s weaving of straw into gold very, very impressive and I am going to keep giving Rian a tonne of credit for that.

[sanstropfremir]

second part of that long ask from ur swf anon :)

after the main dancer was chosen for each class, they would complete the choreo and decide formations for their performances. one of the benefits of the main dancer was that they were always center. they also had the benefit of wearing more embellished clothing to stand out (most noticeable in x class, where rian the main dancer was wearing orange while everyone else was wearing green). here is the full list (mnet truly has the WORST camera angles, so i only included the full cam ver of the performances):

1. assistant class: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF2evLz98h4&ab_channel=MnetTV

2. leader class: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srjJzRVVmxc&ab_channel=CHANNIECHANNEL

the judges shared that even though no:ze was the main dancer/in the center/had the most shiny outfit, they didn't really see her. all the other dancers, in their opinion, stood out and overpowered her.

3. sub class: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY_3E7W8v30&ab_channel=CHANNIECHANNEL

4. x class (i'm not sure what this class was called): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC-_8fbn_s4&ab_channel=Whatthejess

judges shared that lip j was the stand out of this class. she's the girl on the far left at 0:36. (it was originally her choreo but rian was chosen as the main dancer so that's why she is credited.)

*i only included comments that were stand outs.

-

i'm not sure how much creative input the main dancers were given regarding stage design... they didn't show it in the episode so i'm assuming that mnet just told them to show up and perform (because like, the rainbow thing they shot at the end of the leader's performance seemed so random? it didn't match what they were doing). after each performance, the main dancers from each class were asked to pick someone who they thought was the worst dancer. in doing so, the person chosen would lose points for their crew.

judges also chose an mvp crew they thought were the best. prowdmon (monika + lip j + others [sorry i don't know their names. the show really only focuses on these two]) was selected and this gave them the advantage of choosing which crews went against each other in ep4. so, it wasn't a random lottery draw! in the episode, they only showed the part where prowdmon chose to go against wayb (context: no:ze, the main dancer from the leader class, chose monika as the worst dancer. and this made her mad so she was like we're going against wayb - no:ze's crew). i'm not sure why they didn't show how the other crews were paired up. because ya, coca n butter + hook is definitely an interesting match.

also like, wayb was eliminated from the show after ep4's mission.

-

and it seems like from here on out, there will be a mission each episode to determine who will be eliminated. i'm honestly not too sure. for their next mission, they're doing a mega crew mission and mnet doesn't really explain it; but it seems like each crew is doing a performance on a larger scale (with more members added to their crew). also, like mnet is ass and doesn't upload all the performances onto their channel..... they only upload the ones that were the most popular/had the biggest public reaction which is why i had a hard time finding the clips for the classes mission. hopefully they do from here on out.

another v long post. thank u again for reading and sharing ur thoughts! always love hearing them. (also, pls let me know if i'm oversharing. u mentioned not caring for the competitive nature and drama so i'm not sure if i was adding too much. there really isn't drama imo. mnet tries to do their best to edit and make it seem that way but when u watch the show, the girls truly root for each other and are friends.)

mnet truly has the worst camera angles i hate them so much. also why are they still streaming on a goddamn potato. the quality is SO bad i can barely see anything!! there's a lot of me complaining in this one i'm sorry in advance.

1. assistant class

i have to assume that whoever they chose as the main dancer is the one that stays in centre because i cannot tell from the clothing at all. i don't think she was a standout performer here, but also the camera and the fire effects are WAY too wild to actually get a good grasp on who even was the standout. i also have to assume that the dancers have no say in the design because design is not a big part of street dance and this kind of chaos screams m 'too-much-money-dont-know-how-to-use-it' net. they built this massive set, barely used it, and didn't leave enough room for the proper formation spacing!! ugh. i hope the judges actually got to see a locked off version of this without all that fire in front of the camera because if i were them i would be squinting down the end of my glasses like a grandma at the screen. that's what i was doing anyways but still.

2. leader class

i have to agree, i don't think noze stood out as the main dancer here. and geniunely i cannot tell that they embellished her costume more. like damn, that stylist took a masterclass in subtlety, because i was easily paying more attention to whoever was wearing those massive thigh high cutout garter stockings and woven bodysuit combo. i am assuming that the point of these challenges was probably to be noticed the most so that they can score points and pick who they went up against for the elimination round? i'm not entirely clear but my point remains; ngl i don't really like this method of creating performance because it means that no one is there to create a performance, yanno? troupe/group choreo like this thrives on teamwork to actually make it a good performance. i know it's a pretty classic method of weeding out people for auditions and stuff like that but personally i find it a wholly uncompelling viewing experience, especially when it's a fully produced stage like this. i know everyone very likely gets along behind the scenes but the incohesion of intent is very obvious. also what's up with the assistant class getting a massive set and the leaders getting a bunch of cars and some smoke pyrotechnics? i mean, i am glad they filmed it during the day, but i am confused by the disparity.

3. sub class

i wish i could describe how poorly mnet shot this. it's not a fucking mama stage, it's a dance stage!! we need to see the choreo properly!!!! and together!!! obviously i don't care about stitching together different takes for the final edit but just...not having a continuity at all in the choreo is a bit jarring. again, i am also not sure how one is supposed to evaluate how well these dancers did, because i can barely see what people are doing. or who the main dancers are. i know i'm railing a lot on mnet here but i can't give an accurate reading of the dancers because legitimately it is so hard to tell what's going on. if they want to bill this as a legitimate dance show, why are they shooting it like a kpop performance? the camerawork for kpop serves a specific function: to add to the visual spectacle and to highlight the idols' faces. you don't need either of those things for shoot choreography, so why do we keep getting closeups of dancers' faces? not that these dance videos aren't spectacle-y or fun, because they very much are, but they really suck at their one primary function, which is displaying the choreo.

4. x class

this is definitely the one where the camera work is the closest to what it should be, but then they go and fuck it up by adding rain! just the groundwater would have been fine, but noooo they had to add the extra rain so there would be extra water drops on the lens!! this is my favourite choreo of all four of these, i think there's the most cohesion and (excluding the rain) it's got a good mix of spectacle with the water and the blacklight and the right camera angles to show the choreo mostly well. i still don't understand why they cut in those sections that don't fit with the rest of the flow though. why. you could have one-taked this and it would have looked dope as fuck. i agree that lip j stands out the most, obviously it's her choreo so it's the best suited to her character and abilities.

---

if it wasn't a random lottery draw they should at least have the courtesy of showing people why who picked who!! that's the most interesting part! and i'm not that surprised about wayb being eliminated, prowdmon really stomped them into the ground with that revenge energy. i'm interested in this larger scale performances concept, because i'm not really sure what that looks like in this particular context. if they do end up on youtube i will review them! and you're not oversharing at all, the context is fine! i don't mind reading it as information, i just don't like actually watching it with my own eyes. i can't watch that kind of thing in reality tv because it makes me want to sit everyone down like a kindergarden teacher and go "ok, now why are we all yelling?". too many years of tense rehearsal conflict negotiation and i just want to whack everyone upside the head. it's not very cathartic for me lmao. i have no doubt that everyone is friends because dance scenes are small and i'm sure they've all worked together lots, but even just the editing sets off my fight or fight reflexes.

[clumsyclifford]

bella!! that kiss prompt list is so cute! will you write a new years kiss + kiss on a dare for lashton, pretty please? 💕 -blackbutterfliescal💛

EXCELLENT prompt omfg this got away from me but i had SO MUCH FUN writing it thank you brooke <3

-

Luke maintains that truth or dare is a dumb game. Michael says he’s just a buzzkill, which might be true, but it doesn’t mean Luke is wrong. Truth or dare is dumb.

This is, unfortunately, the unpopular opinion of the people at this New Year’s party, so here they are anyway, in a circle on the floor, playing it.

“Okay, Calum,” Jack says, smirking at Calum. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Calum says immediately. Luke rolls his eyes. Calum and Michael are trying to, like, out-dare each other, which is actually the only thing Luke can think of that is conceptually dumber than truth or dare as a game. Jack and Alex know that, and they’re taking advantage of it by choosing Calum and Michael whenever they can. If Luke weren’t so opposed to truth or dare, he’d be deeply amused.

Okay, he’s deeply amused anyway. It had been fucking funny watching Michael try to sing “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” with “Mambo No. 5” blasting in headphones (dare courtesy of Alex’s weird, twisted, brilliant, evil mind, of course).

“Hm,” Jack hums, and strokes at his chin as if there’s anything more than stubble there. A moment later, his eyes light up. “Oh, I have a good one. Okay, I dare you to eat a spoonful of peanut butter and then make out with Michael.” 

“Gross, don’t drag me into your nasty dares!” Michael protests, but Calum already has his determined face on.

“Babe,” he says seriously. “Michael. I need to do it. I have to.”

Michael groans loudly. “Fuck, fine. But you’re getting the peanut butter.” Calum immediately leaps to his feet.

“Back in a sec!” he calls out, and then he’s racing up the stairs by twos, footsteps pounding against the carpet.

Jack cackles. “I’ve always wanted to use that one.”

“Is that from experience?” Ashton asks from Luke’s right. “You’ve done that, haven’t you?”

Jack and Alex exchange a look, and then, in the most rom-com move Luke’s ever seen them do, they shrug in unison.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” Alex says airily. 

Rian snorts from his spot opposite the circle. “That’s such bullshit. You exclusively kiss and tell.”

“I do not,” Alex counters. He grins. “I kiss and benevolently share, bitch. You love to hear about our adventures in shitty kissing ideas.”

“Nobody loves to, actually,” Zack puts in. Rian raises his hand, seconding the comment.

“This is making me regret agreeing to it,” Michael says. Luke laughs. That’s what he gets for trying to do the most dares.

Calum returns them, a jar of peanut butter in one hand and a spoon in the other. He looks overly excited for a dare this appalling, and as he reclaims his seat in the circle he twists the top off the peanut butter and digs a spoonful out. “Ready?” he asks Michael, who looks askance at him.

“As I’ll ever be,” he says defeatedly. “So, no, but go on.”

Calum grins and puts the spoon in his mouth, then pulls it out, mostly empty, and leans in to kiss Michael.

“Oh, gross,” Luke says, turning to look away. Ashton glances over at him and chuckles.

“Not for the faint of heart,” he says, and Luke nods vehemently. He chances another look — it’s like a car crash in that way, grotesquely appealing to watch — and to his utter dismay, Michael doesn’t look put off at all. Actually, they both seem to be enjoying it.

“Gross,” Luke says emphatically. “That’s disgusting.”

“Maybe it’s not,” Ashton says thoughtfully. “You’ve never tried it, you don’t know.”

If I did it with you, it wouldn’t be so bad, I expect, Luke thinks, and banishes the thought immediately. First of all, that kind of thought is unproductive; fancying Ashton has gotten him nowhere thus far and it’s not about to start. And more importantly, under no circumstance could making out while eating peanut butter be good.

He pulls a horrified face. “Have you?” 

“Maybe,” Ashton says nonchalantly. Then he grins. “No, I’m kidding, of course not. You’ve gotta be sick and dirty to come up with that idea.”

“That we are!” Jack says cheerfully, ruffling Alex’s hair. It’s distressing how Luke can know, objectively, that Jack and Alex are two of the most perverse people he’s ever met, and yet still find himself endeared by their cuteness. There’s probably a magic spell involved in that.

“Mostly Jack,” Alex says. “I’m just the guinea pig.”

“Aw, you’re not giving yourself enough credit,” Rian says, as if he’s being sympathetic. “You’re just as sick and dirty as Jack, don’t you worry.”

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Alex says, blowing an exaggerated kiss to Rian. Jack pretends to snatch it out of midair. Luke finally returns his gaze to Calum and Michael just in time to see them part, both smacking their lips excessively.

“Ooh, my mouth feels weird,” Michael declares, and Calum nods in agreement. He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

“Cool new trick,” he tells Jack. “Good to know.”

“You are welcome,” Jack says.

“You’re all fucked up,” Rian announces. Ashton laughs. The sound sends Luke’s stomach all aflutter.

“Okay, my turn,” Calum says, once he’s sufficiently swallowed the peanut butter. “Who’s not gone?” He scans the circle. “Oh — Ashton! Truth or dare?”

Ashton purses his lips. “Dare,” he finally says, cautiously, “although I’m sure I’ll regret it.”

Calum cocks his head. “Let me confer with my associate,” he says, holding up a finger. “One second. Make background noise.” He turns to Michael.

Immediately everyone is clamoring to be the loudest, even Luke, who launches into a really awful rendition of “Feeling This.” Ashton hears him and joins in, both of them screeching the song as loud as they can go, with Zack contributing by chiming in on I’m feeling this! every time it comes up.

“Okay, okay, enough!” Calum shouts, just as they reach the chorus. Everyone falls silent, but Ashton nudges Luke and gives him a small grin, and Luke returns it, cursing the butterflies in his gut for all the racket they’re making.

“It has come to the attention of the panel,” Michael begins, and Luke snorts, “that it is, in fact, five minutes to midnight.” A small outbreak of gasps from the circle, some authentic, some, specifically Rian’s, sarcastic. 

“I thought Calum was giving me this dare,” Ashton says.

Calum glares at him. “I am,” he says. “Ashton, I dare you to pick someone here to kiss at midnight.”

“Not me,” Jack says immediately. “No offense, Ash, but I’m taken.”

“Yeah, ditto,” Alex says. “I mean, if you really want, I’m sure Jack and I can work it out, but —”

“Nope,” Ashton says dryly. “Sorry to disappoint, but I actually have no interest in kissing either of you for any reason at all.”

“I think that was mean,” Jack says under his breath to Alex, and Alex just kisses his cheek.

Ashton props his chin in his hand. “Well, there’s a lot to consider here,” he says pensively. Luke’s heart is beating too loud. Ashton won’t pick him when there’s — well, when there’s the whole circle to choose from, and even ignoring those already spoken for, that leaves Rian and Zack, both of whom would be better choices than Luke. “I mean, it’s not gonna be either of you,” to Jack and Alex, “or you,” to Calum and Michael, “so I guess it’s either Rian, Zack, or Luke.”

Luke tries to fight the blush rising on his cheeks. He keeps his mouth shut, swallowing the many cries of me, you can kiss me at midnight! building up under his tongue. Even if he says it as a joke, it’ll come across desperate, and when Ashton inevitably chooses Rian, Luke will look that much more foolish.

“I’m okay with it,” Rian says, shrugging. “I mean, no pressure, but I don’t really care.”

“Same,” Zack says. Ashton hums, then turns bodily to Luke.

“What about you?”

Luke stares. “What about me?”

“Are you okay with it?”

“With…kissing you at midnight?”

Ashton’s lips quirk up. “Yes, Luke, that’s what we’re discussing.”

Luke’s mouth feels dry. “Uh, yeah. Whatever you want.” Fuck, even that sounds far too inclined. 

Ashton surveys the circle again, making thoughtful hums to himself as if deep in thought, gaze flitting between Luke, Rian, and Zack, until Calum, exasperated, says, “Ash, it’s two minutes to midnight.”

“Fine,” Ashton says. He turns again to Luke. “Kiss me at midnight?”

Luke’s heart leaps into his throat. “Seriously?” Then, “Um, I mean, yeah, sure.”

Ashton grins. “Cool.” And then he turns back to the circle. “Should I bother asking someone? Are we gonna watch the ball drop?”

“Not if you’re smooching this one,” Alex says, jerking a thumb at Luke. Luke makes a face at him to mask the way his insides are completely flipping over themselves. It’s not the Olympics, he tries to tell them, but they aren’t listening.

“Yes,” Zack says, more helpfully. He stands up. “Let me put it on.” Gesturing at them, he adds, “Talk amongst yourselves.”

“You don’t decide when we talk!” Jack says, as Zack goes to connect his laptop to the TV and set up the stream. Zack flips him off behind his back.

Everyone breaks off into quiet conversation, but Luke’s buzzing. Ashton elbows him gently. “You okay?”

Luke jolts and tries to laugh it off. Hopefully it doesn’t sound as nervous as it feels. “Good, yeah,” he says. “I’ve never actually kissed anyone on New Year’s, so. First time for everything.”

Ashton smiles warmly at him, and Luke feels it in his fingers and toes. “Well,” he says smoothly, “best make it good, then. No pressure on me.”

“Oh, don’t worry, it’ll be good no matter what,” Luke says, and immediately decides he should be banned from speaking forever. No matter what? Could he possibly sound more infatuated?

Ashton tilts his head. “No matter what?” he says. “Your expectations aren’t very high.”

“I just —” Luke bites his lip. He’s backed himself into a corner now. Fucking hell. “Um, I meant — it’s —”

“Luke, relax,” Ashton says, patting his knee twice. “I’m teasing.” With this, he pushes himself to his feet, then holds out a hand for Luke. Luke takes it and allows himself to be pulled upright as well. The look in Ashton’s eye is kind, and Luke expects to see the teasing Ashton had mentioned, but it’s absent. “If it would make you feel better, we don’t have to do it. It’s just a dare.”

“No, I want to,” Luke says, solidifying his decision that he should never be allowed to talk ever. Ashton raises an eyebrow and Luke feels himself blushing scarlet. “I mean…”

“You can want to,” Ashton says. “Do you want to?”

Luke swallows. “I don’t — that’s not a fair question.”

“Fine,” Ashton says. “I take it back. But in case you were wondering, I want to.” 

Luke stares at him. “What?”

“Kiss you,” Ashton clarifies. “At midnight, and otherwise. In general.”

“Ten seconds!” Calum shouts, and the entire room explodes with the sound of the countdown.

“Oh,” Luke breathes. “That’s — oh. In that case, I do want to.”

“Eight!”

Ashton smiles. “Good,” he says happily. “You had me worried a second.”

“Six!”

“Sorry,” Luke says.

“Don’t let an apology be your last words of the year,” Ashton says.

“Four!”

“Okay,” Luke says quickly. “I want to kiss you. Final words.”

Ashton’s smile grows wider. “I want to kiss you too. So much.”

“Two! One! Happy New Year!” 

Cheers erupt throughout the room, and Luke and Ashton both lean in, captured in a kiss that’s sweeter than any Luke’s ever had and warm from the spot they connect all the way through Luke’s skin, filling his brain with static, nothing but Ashton on a loop.

When they break apart, Ashton brushes their noses together. “First of many, I hope,” he says, and Luke beams.

Maybe there’s something to be said for truth or dare, actually.

[benperorsolo]

I think a lot people even people in our fandom included are unwilling to address the fact that the entire tros is designated to make Rey replace Ben’s place hard, which is the main reason why I find Rey Skywalker ending most disgusting consider Ben’s the blood Skywalker and his background story: being rejected by family because they see him as monster and feed him the idea that he’s never good enough to be accepted/go home. Did some takes forget this when chanting Rey Skywalker honored adoption?

Going to say something probably unpopular, but I think the fandom is afraid to say anything bad about Rey because then the rest of the fandom descends on you and accuses you of calling her a Mary Sue (a tool of the dudebros) or for just being into reylo for Ben, or other shenanigans. And I get that, bc as a fandom mostly of women we’ve had to defend Rey’s existence as a female hero from the larger Fandom Menace types from Day 1. And so the fandom is afraid of critiquing Rey at all because we don’t want that to be taken as permission for fanbros to be gross to female characters or to Rey.

But the fact of the matter is that Rey is a character who had a lot of potential, and whose arc from TFA to TLJ is basically good and sensical because Rian forced Rey to come to terms with the fact that the Skywalkers are not her family come to save the day and tell her what to do and be the hero for her. And then TROS said no actually, that’s exactly what they’re there for. But Rey has always had a problem with the Skyfam instantly fawning over her for no reason; she walks onto the scene and suddenly she gets the Falcon, and all of Ben’s stuff, and his parents’ love. The only Skywalker who doesn’t do this is Luke, and surprise, he’s in Rian’s movie (and then in TROS it’s back to fawning). And without that needed character development in TLJ, which includes her compassion for Ben and the circumstances of his fall, Rey absolutely becomes what TFA sort of set her up as-- the Good Pure Hero to replace Ben. 

A lot of Rey’s characterization is not overt just like Ben’s isn’t. But I think people give the text too much credit sometimes. Because Rey functions as the ST’s mascot, as it were, her characterization often wildly changes based on what the writers Want Star Wars To Be. And it seems like the ST in general is not interested at all in exploring the interiority or possible trauma of any character, bc that might affect their predestined pew pew. 

[skekheck]

Hot take: Brea's my favorite MC of the trio. I really like her as a character (smug but smart book nerd princess forced to grow up after learning the truth). I also love her relationship with her sisters and she gets a cool robot too. Deet is neat, Hup is a chad who got screwed over the entire time JUST for being a Podling, and Rian is "ok".

I absolutely agree with you! Brea is my favorite of the main trio too. She’s a really nice, engaging character with a bright personality. I love how she’s always questioning and challenging things even if they get her into trouble. And her relationship with her sisters is so sweet and something I personally connect with. I wish she had more depth like Seladon, but for what it’s worth she’s a great character. 

Deet’s personality traits are being cute and nice and that’s all well and good. But that’s kind of it? She’s perfect for people’s introduction to the world of Thra through her perspective but there’s not much else. However, to give her credit, I do like that her kindness does get her into trouble and ultimately becomes her biggest flaw. Rian is very vanilla: he’s the typical introverted hero character. I just find him utterly boring, but his character type isn’t for me and I don’t think he’s written badly. Same with Deet. 

With that all being said, Hup is great and I’m a little peeved he got pushed back towards the end. Let him fight a skeksis: he’s more than capable!

[jackinalex]

Why are people busting their ass to defend Rian??? He’s not dating a trump supporter because he “has no other options” hes dating one because he finds her hot and doesn’t give a shit if she’s a trumpet or not because it doesn’t matter to him. He was anti mask and anti social distancing like a month ago. He only posts the bare minimum political topics he has to to keep all time low from being canceled. Bet he’s a secret trumpet too

I think it’s also giving him too much credit to assume he’s out of options. And if he is out of options, then he needs to broaden his horizons and stop dating only fucking model-esque, skinny, white girls. I doubt that he’s a Trumper, but I can imagine that he’s someone who doesn’t really care about politics because “it doesn’t affect him.” Lmao.

[the-irish-mayhem]

hi, reylo anon here. i also hate reylo but didnt know your position on it. how do you feel about people comparing reylo to zutara?

I don’t have any real interest in adding to the anti discourse around rey x kyle ron because, quite frankly, talking about the ship makes me really upset and angry. It just does, so I don’t do it. I dislike the ship, and I resent the fandom, so I block and stay away from stuff.

I suppose on some level I see why the comparison is drawn, as both ships are based on the same foundation--a redeemed (formerly angry, angsty boy) villain having a romantic relationship with the main female heroine.

The big crux of that foundation is the redeemed portion of the villain title, and Kyle Ron didn’t have a redemption arc. Straight up. Meanwhile, Zuko’s redemption is lauded as one of the best redemption arcs of all time. (This article is a good summary of the comparison if you want to read more on that. Like I said, I’m tired of Kyle Ron and don’t want to talk about him or the canon ST at any real length.)

In summation, I think it A) does an incredible disservice to the writers of ATLA to compare Zuko and Kyle Ron, and B) gives way too much credit to Rian Johnson and JJ Abrams that they did not earn.

[bb-8irl]

I can’t believe I’m doing this again. The number of times I try to write out my feelings towards TROS, I always feel like I haven’t worded it properly, or haven’t said what I’ve needed to say. Or that I still have much to say when I’m done. But after seeing this movie three times, with having a week between the second and third I think I’ve got this. Also, I’m naturally optimistic, so this will probably come off more positive than negative, but I have a lot to say so I literally how no clue how this is going to go.

Heads up this is hella long, do bare with me. And I’m sorry I couldn’t figure out how to do the read more thing.

First, what Star Wars means to me.

To some people, it’s just movies, and yes it is. But they are some of my favorites, even though they are imperfect, I fall in love with the idea of a galaxy far far away. They take me to a world that I can escape to. They have given me characters that I adore, many of which I see parts of myself in, while others inspire me. As a kid I never really saw myself as a princess, I loved princess movies but I never felt like I fit in with them. No, I felt like a Jedi, I felt like this was a world I belonged to. I love the movies, the tv shows, comics, and books. Why do I think this is important to share, mainly for perspective and where I come from when I say what I say about TROS. You don’t have to be a life long fan to have an opinion on this, but this is just from a certain point of view. I’m a Reylo, and I’m going to have strong opinions as a SW fan and as a Reylo. Some opinions that you may agree or disagree with. I’m not here to argue. And I’m not here to say someone cannot feel differently towards any of this.

Where to start?

Well point blank, as an overall Star Wars movie what did I think? I don’t hate it, I don’t think it’s perfect and I think there are MANY problems with it and I really don’t wanna give JJ or Chris any credit for anything good that did come from this movie. But I can’t say that it was a horrible movie, I’d being lying if I said I wasn’t entertained. But it wasn’t great, and really missed the target.

So the writing…

Let me say first that I’m not a writer, or at least not professionally, I write for my own enjoyment in my free time. But in terms of the story we were given, it was…well again I didn’t hate it. But especially after thinking about it, and I know I can’t change anything, but I just wish it didn’t feel like the entire story revolves around Palpatine. Now I like the idea of Palpatine coming back, it does make sense since this mother fucker has been stirring the damn pot and has always had his hand in things. And as much as I actually love the opening sequence, I think it would have been more interesting to see in the in at least first act to see how everything for the resistance and first is going before Palpatine makes himself known. But if were gonna just talk about the literal writing, it was fine, especially Carrie’s scenes I think they did well writing them to try and make it fit. Star Wars in general for writing I give some lenience, just cause the writing has never been perfect, it’ll have its moments but not perfect. So yeah that’s where I stand with that.

Now breaking it down. What did I think? What I liked and didn’t like. What I would have done different.

The title scroll…again it just felt very Palpatine centric when I feel like it could have been a little less of him in the start.

Kylo fighting on Mustafar…HOT it’s fucking HOT because he’s HOT and it’s fucking HOT on Mustafar. Now it was after the fact of the first and second time I saw the movie that I found out he was on Mustafar, which makes sense plot wise if you know all the details of why he’s on Mustafar…and maybe I just didn’t identify they planet well and it’s just me who didn’t notice it was Mustafar. (JK it wasn’t just me, I told my roommate and she was pissed that they didn’t give us any helpful clues.) But I feel like that was something that maybe could have used a bit better of an explanation.

Kylo literally not having the time of day to deal with Palpatine. BIG MOOD BRO. And like that’s

He’s done being a puppet, he’s not playing around. And I’m proud of my boy for that. Also just the fact that he’s protective boyfriend literally not having it, there’s literally nothing he can be offered that can sway him from Rey.

It was interesting to kinda get a look at how how connected they are. (Hello force soulmates.) I did like seeing how their their memories really do intertwine into one. But I don’t really give JJ or Chris any of the force bond credit. That’s probably the one good thing they took from what Rian left them with and didn’t have to do a 180 on it. But again the force bond was Rian’s creation, they on expanded on it.

Now I like how Poe and Rey butt heads, it’s honestly how I expected that to go. Meanwhile Finn is in the middle of it, trying to keep his little sister and boyfriend from breaking into a full on MMA fight. Overall the trio was cute, I wouldn’t really change much about it honestly. Though they really gave us barely any Rose action which was sincerely disappointing.

Though it was a small interaction, Kylo and Hux was funny. I truly love how much they hate each other, comedic gold.

Pasana party looks like hoot and half. But they really had her look at a group of kids, and have a conversation about how Rey doesn’t have a last name, and played the whole oh she will get something like this by the end…bruh…it’s fine I’ll discuss that more later.

Rey and Bens first force Skype in TROS. He really said, “Palpatine wants you dead.” As a conversation starter, what a Solo. Anyways their conversation was angsty AF, and I expected nothing less than that. I love when he asks her why she didn’t take his hand she asks back, “You could have killed me. Why didn’t you?” And what I love from that is how she, at least from my perspective, answered his question with that question. Because the answer would be because I care/love you too much to ever hurt you. And I’ll bring this up later, but it kinda foreshadows what Rey tells him later.

He ripped that necklace off. And maybe I should have been offended…but that was…

FINN WAS NOT GOING TO TELL REY HE LOVES HER. I just really needed to say that. Also I know I caught on quicker than most but honestly the minute Finn says “It’s Ren.” My thought process was and I quote. “Mother fucker do you have something you would like to share with the class?” I kinda caught onto the early on that he is force sensitive.

And I’ll cover that topic now real quick. I love Finn, and I honestly am so happy for him. Them making him force sensitive doesn’t bother me, again happy for him. From a writing standpoint though I feel like JJ did that for when people try to say “oh you ruined about how it doesn’t matter where you come from, the force doesn’t care about bloodline.” This is where he points his finger and goes “see, look, we don’t know his bloodline.” And you know I hope that there are better intentions in that, but I wouldn’t be surprised if at least some of the intention was for JJ to try and cover his ass. Regardless I like Finn being force sensitive. But I feel like they were too subtle about to be introducing something like that so late in the game. It kinda just left a lot of people confused.

Also, Poe is a jealous boyfriend…nuff said.

And it was cute how BB-8 kinda had a learning lesson from Rey when she says, “you would have done the same.” When referring to force healing. And then BB-8 kinda uses that concept for D-O when he charges him.

Continuing on to the flip over the tie fighter was epic, shout out to Katie McDonnell who preformed that specific stunt. (I know she’s not the only stunt double, I’m just a fan of Katie, but major props to the whole stunt team.)

Oh and Kylo on Pasana is also…

Also the Chewie fake out I saw coming which kinda ruined anything emotional JJ was trying to pull on me.

Ok now to Kimji stuff.

Zorii is a cool character. I can buy the history the two had. You get a good feel for past chemistry but I like that she actually doesn’t wanna kiss him. Like I will kiss almost anyone (not Jabba the hut) in Star Wars (ok there’s a fair amount I wouldn’t) but Poe is on that list of whom I would kiss. So props to her for being all been there done that. And Babu Frik is precious.

Force Skype number 2. Firstly I‘m happy to hear the words “I never lied to you.” Come out of Kylos mouth. I’ve just always found that very important thing about him is how honest he is to Rey. He’s not a liar, he’s not deceptive, it’s not really in his character to do so, and specially to Rey I don’t think he would ever consider lying to her.

Ok…

The Rey Palpatine situation. I don’t love it but I also don’t hate it…but I don’t like it for sure. I can accept it as canon, but it leaves me with more questions…before I say what I would have done let me just first say this. I have questions on who the fuck did Palpatine fuck. This also just has me questioning the timeline and everything, especially watching it all again. I just started asking where everything falls into the timeline, was he part of raising his son, like there’s a lot of missing pieces, and it kinda just makes me ask why it was it was so important to make her a Palpatine. But like sure if I turn my brain off…ok…Rey is a Palpatine…sure, whatever makes the fanboys shut up on trying to make her a blood related Skywalker. And honestly JJ you don’t get credit for making Anti fanboys shut up. But at least they look EXTRA dumb now when they still try and make her related to Ben.

But ok, now lets really address this. It really was not that necessary to make her Palpatine and sure, yeah it happened. But I really liked the direction Rian was going with in TLJ, that it doesn’t matter who you, that anyone can be force sensitive, that it doesn’t matter where you come from, or who your parentage is, it’s just the matter of the force. What I wish they had went with was this idea that Rey was kinda born for the darkness and Ben for the light, just something very basic. And because they are kinda fighting for the opposite of which the were “created” for it causes a weird shift in the force. It would have fit will with what Rian had already written, explain why Rey is so strong with the force, being Bens equal, and quite literally it would barely change anything that was already there. Literally just changing any lines that involve Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter. Related or not Palpatine could have known of Rey and was trying to seek here out, her parents wanted to protect leaving her on Jakku, telling Plutt they were selling her for drinking money to make sure there was nothing suspicious going on. Everything happens ala TFA and TLJ, Ben finds out where Rey is suppose to belong in the force, he tells her, she hates it because it’s everything she doesn’t want to be. We get it the ending and Palpatine does the whole kill me and because what you were created to be, Empress of the galaxy and harness all the sith. BOOM. You didn’t have to fuck with her parentage, you didn’t have to try to find loopholes in what Rian gave you. Cause all the shit I just wrote out, I’d believe, I’d that believe more than the whole Palpatine thing.

Hux was the spy…well I knew he was gonna be up to some bullshit but I didn’t expect that. And while I think that was an interesting twist I kinda was hoping with Hux something a little different. Kinda the same concept of “I need Kylo Ren to loose.” I feel like again if we started a bit before the whole Palpatine shit happens, it would have been interesting to see Hux trying to undermine Kylo. I was hoping to have seen Hux die, but I feel like his part was kinda thrown away. Again, there could have been great potential with him trying to “dethrone” Kylo. I never thought Hux as dumb and so it just felt like we missed out on him trying to take the power.

I love Jannah, I think she was a great character for Finn to relate to. But I’m just saying we had a good set up for a Stormtrooper rebellion…just saying that was some missed potential.

The Rey versus Dark!Rey stuff was cool, and I expected it to be something short, but just saying it would have been cool to have seen a bit more of that. AND would have been cool if it were a vision Ben had seen though.

“You can’t go back to her now. Like I can’t.” Oh my sweet baby boy. The crazy thing is too though is that he probably could have gone back, which is something he realizes when Leia reaches out to him not long after. But you know he wants to go back and truly feels helpless and can’t.

Also he crushed the Wayfinder with one hand…

The water fight was pretty epic. I was happy to see specifically in this fight and the final fight later on that they were fighting in a very similar way to the prequel Jedi. Like that shit is epic.

Ok and that moment when he stops himself from striking Rey, knowing that no matter how upset he might be at her, and how upset she is with him he never wants to hurt her.

Also I predicted that Leia’s death would be the starter for Bens redemption, and again I really felt for my baby boy. Also I definitely verbally screamed “No!” When Rey impaled him with his lightsaber.

Rey force healing Ben is a tender moment.

Now I know some people don’t like this, but I understand why Rey says, “I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand.” And I get it. When we go back to when she asks him why he didn’t kill her it’s that same kinda answer he would give. She cares/loves him to much to see him destroyed. She knows that her following him to the dark side would turn him into something he’s not, and turn her into something she’s not. I know a lot of people find this as her not being able to accept him as Kylo, and I think she accepts him for all that he is, but doesn’t want him to loose who he really is. Because as Kylo has lived a tortured destructive life, and she wants him happy. She already knows the side he doesn’t let anyone but her see, and I think she knows that he would loose that. And then from her perspective for herself, Rey has never wanted power, or the want to rule. When he offered her his hand, and offered her basically everything he could, she never wanted any of that, you see that with Palpatine she’s never wanted to rule. Her saying she wanted Bens hand, it’s her telling him she doesn’t need anything but him for her to be with him and love him. And he’s never had that. With Luke he was the prize student, with Snoke he had to live up to this expectation of being Vader and being told he was never good enough. And Rey is there telling him that Ben is enough. It’s the equivalent of Ben saying, “you’re nothing. You come from nothing. But not to me.” He didn’t care where she came from, he loved her just for her, as she loves him for him.

(Wow that was a lot…but I at least think I finally got that out.)

Moving on.

I was so glad that they basically addressed the Han/Ben scene from TFA. For me it was always easy to see Bens struggle in that moment, I’ve always been empathetic with him cause I think of just about everything he had to do this was the most painful and regretful thing he’s ever done. And having to relive was so heartbreaking, but it important for him and important for the audience as a whole. This whole scene, as painful as it is, is healing. With Rey starting with healing him and his scar to him having to have that memory/conversation with his Father.

And yes I was absolutely broken by “Dad.” “I know”. I was so wrapped up in my emotions it took me the third time to realize that was their I love you.

So Rey going back to Ahch-to, and having her conversation with Luke. And like…again the whole Rey Palpatine thing, again fine it’s canon…this is fine. But this would have been so much less explanation…like I really feel like they made it harder for themselves by making her a Palpatine. But…fine it’s in canon.

Also Leia is a Jedi! Which was already hinted to with Leia training Rey. And Leia is continuously one of my favorite characters…but I never pinned her down to actually go through full on Jedi training. I can believe that she got byLuke but ok no she went all the way. And it’s not out of character for her to just hide something from the family, though this does almost butt heads against canon in terms of Han never even knew she trained…so JJ you kinda made another plot hole…you tried to cover it up, Jedi Leia is a cool concept, and the fact we needed two lightsabers cause someone decided to throw his into the ocean I see why you did it…but bro…she didn’t need be a Jedi to train Rey.

And ok the “some things are stronger than blood.” Which is a great message for her, which I’m just saying could have been used regardless of her parentage. But I digress.

Ok so the Exegol stuff.

Just kinda standard dialogue between Rey and Palps. Again if I could change it, it would really just be her not being his grandfather. The more I think about it the more unnecessary it becomes.

I know some people wanna question how Ben even got to Exegol, that’s honestly a plot hole I don’t mind waiting for the novelization to explain, doesn’t bother me, just thought I’d address it.

And seeing Ben Solo running in with nothing but a blaster in his hand, no plan, just his wife on his mind.

ALSO “ow!” Is the one Ben Solo line we got and it may be the one line…but says so much about Ben Solo.

And man the look that Rey and Ben give each other through the bond, that was the look of love and trust. And when she passes over the lightsaber and Ben freaking goes.

And then he takes on the Knights of Ren…

Oh I should address the Dyad situation. Honestly I’m all for anything that confirms that they are literal soulmates in the force. I mean we all kinda called this happening, now there is a literal name for this.

I will say I loved getting to hear from the Jedi, that was a touching moment, yeah it would have been cool to have actually seen them in force ghost form but that’s me being nit picky. Also would I have loved to have seen it be both Rey and Ben defeat Palpatine, they both have been fucked with by Palpatine. But it doesn’t bother me to see Rey defeat him. It again was just kinda a missed opportunity.

Now watching Ben pull himself from that pit and use every last bit of energy he has to get to Rey, scooping her into his arms, looking around helplessly, and hugging her close. Everyone could literally see the inner monologue he was having and my heart was BREAKING. JJ you don’t they any credit for that, Adam is just wonderful and amazing, and is the only one who deserves credit for that.

He gave her his life. HE FUCKING GAVE HER HIS LIFE!

(Heads up I’m just gonna first talk about from here on till I reach the end before I start talking about changes or things I would have done different…not to mention the thing that really has me upset.)

Now I see the full circle in terms of “finishing what Vader started”, that the whole big reason for Anakin's fall to the dark side was because he wanted to save the person he loved more than anything. So ok I see what you did there JJ, but by no means did that mean that he had to die…but I’m getting ahead of myself.

And can we talk about how Rey looks at him, I really don’t think she realizes what he’s actually done, but she just looks at him with love and adoration oh my fucking heart.

THEY KISS FOLKS REYLO CONFIRMED. They have canonized Reylo…painful as fuck after that so yeah.

And then it happens. Now ok…I have many feelings. But let’s just go with the fact that what’s happened…happened. Fact of the matter is he gave his life to Rey. Now it’s hella romantic, and I do think that if they had tried to kill him any other way I would be fuming (well I kinda am still). But yeah had it been any other way I would have rioted.

And then we get to the ending…celebration is cute. RIP Snap Wexley btw. Then we get to Tatooine. Now it took me a the THIRD time of seeing that movie to actually maybe understand what they were getting at. First two times I was like “really, this is how we end it?” And I’m still saying that, but I understand why she bury’s the lightsabers, it is a sense of closure for the Skywalkers. I’m just gonna assume Tatooine is not a permanent situation…that’s what I would hope at least. And I’m not too mad about her taking the name Skywalker, I guess since she just has to be a Palpatine, I wouldn’t wanna keep the Palpatine name either. And so as far as I know her and Ben are fucking married so let her take on the family name.

Was that ending what I would consider satisfying though? No, not really. Her lightsaber is cool and I’m glad she has one, but not still not satisfied.

Why am I not satisfied you might ask.

Here’s why.

Now if this is me excepting the fact of the matter that Ben is dead. I mainly have a problem with the fact that the ending is almost too vague and gives the audience little to no explanation. Sure I can be left to my assumptions and I’ll get to those, but the majority of the audiences initial interpretation of that ending is, Rey is now going to be just as she started, alone on a desert planet…like bro wtf. This could have been explained so much better, especially the fact that we specifically see Luke and Leia as force ghost. Look I’m gonna assume since I see no ghost Ben is either still with/part of Rey…or because there’s a chance of him coming back. But you could have explained it so much better, and I’m gonna read the novelization with hopes that there is a better explanation. The ending as a whole just felt incomplete, maybe because it was a lack of explanation or maybe something else. But this was suppose to be the end of 9 movies, you can explain yourself a bit more.

Now lemme talk about Bens death. While I would never accept him dying any other way, his death is what I would consider to be unnecessary. And I’m repeating what I said before, but I agree he finished what Vader started, saving the one they love from death, but that doesn’t mean he had to die. Like there’s literally in terms of the plot was no reason for him to die, it doesn’t further anything. Yes Rey is alive, but this is Star Wars all you have to say is “because the force wills it” and that’s all the explanation you would need. Oh Rey and Ben both get to live because the force wills it, because they are Dyad in the force, because they are the balance in the force. Live together, die together. They literally did not say anything about the consequences of force healing, so you literally have freedom to do whatever want. It would not have been impossible for Ben to of had a future, maybe not go to the resistance, but his life, his actual life was just beginning. Since he was in his mother’s womb he was being manipulated by Snoke, his life is turned upside down when his uncle was going to kill him, he runs to the one person he trusts in the galaxy who just so happens to turn out to be his abuser. He gets to be Ben solo for 15 minutes, has literally less than a minute of pure happiness…AND THEN KILL HIM. What’s the point?!?! JJ you literally retconed yourself with the whole die together thing and then kill ONE of them…how do you fuck yourself that badly. IT WAS LITERALLY IN THE SAME SEQUENCE.

And what’s the point of Rey looking at a group of children, probably wondering what it would be like to have a family to then leave her alone like that!

“I always hated that in movies, when you go along and one of the main characters gets killed. It’s a fairytale. You want everybody to live happily ever after and nothing bad happens.” - George fucking Lucas

And yes of course some people will die, it’s a war after all. But when he talks about this journey with a character, it’s not only cliche and over done, it’s just not necessary. Especially when it’s Star Wars a space fairytale where it should end with “and they all lived happily ever after.”

And let me give you perspective from those around me who never shipped Reylo. Firstly a friend who I saw it with my second time around who we’ve talked before about how she’s had in summary said “well I like Kylo more than I like Hux or Snoke.” And her leaving that theatre left her saying “I never realized how much I love Ben Solo.” And then was crushed by the fact that they decided to kill him. Another instance in my step sister who I encouraged to watch Star Wars, though she had no interest, she watched all the movies to humor me. And she knows I ship Reylo, and knows Ben is one of my favorite characters. We saw the movie last night and she, who has no attachment to him at all literally texted me about him dying and said “THAT WAS DEPRESSING” followed it by “I liked it. Like it wasn’t bad. But why did he die. That was totally unnecessary.” And we talked about the ending and how she did perceive Rey as being lonely on Tatooine. And I don’t wanna generalize what the general audiences perception is…but for a lot of people who don’t look too deeply into things, or theorize what things could mean, that’s what they are more than likely going to think.

Anyways, if I had my hands in on this Ben would not be dead. They would kiss, profess each others love. Ben would tell her to go to her friends and to meet him later. Rey would go and celebrate and then tell them she needs to go. She flies the falcon and meets up with Ben, ideally on Naboo. They take the lightsabers Padme’s mausoleum and leave the lightsabers there. Both Ben and Rey rebuild their lightsabers. Bens lightsaber would be white because let’s just say he somehow gets his crystal back and heals it, and Rey’s yellow. It ends with them in the field where Anakin and Padme once were and watch the sunset.

Hm…I don’t know about you but that sounds pretty fucking satisfying.

Now I could get into the fact that I do believe there are deleted scenes, there are different endings and they really thought that was the most satisfying one. And personally I would like to see them, so DFL if you see this, bring it on, you owe us this. That and if you were to give me comics or a novelization of Ben Solo bring brought back to life via world between worlds or whatsoever I will would like that and appreciate it. It’s not like it’s the first time you killed a character and then said “ha you thought they were dead but they’re not.” I just really think Ben deserves more time than what he was given. But I’m not gonna go crazy about how the ending was fucked around with or the alternative ones, I know it’s out there, and a lot of other people have already made post on it.

The movie as a whole is just kinda one big missed opportunity. Not all of it was bad, it had some moments, some things that I even really enjoyed. I appreciated them building onto the force bonds, but I give that credit for Rian cause those wouldn’t have happened without him. And it also just bothers me that JJ really just tried to take the long way around and stretch things around to make it fit with what Rian wrote. When in reality you had a great set up. You have some kind of insight into Rey, that she is drawn to the dark. Ben is supreme leader now what could that mean, and what could Hux possibly be up to. We could have seen some of the rebuilding of the resistance. The idea that maybe it is time for the Jedi order to end, that Ben is right that it’s time to let old things die, the Jedi and sith. And they just messed with it to no end to kinda make sense but, took the most complicated and exhausting route to get to where they did.

My roommate and I literally sat for about an hour discussing what we would have done and realized we had a more cohesive story that lines up with where Rian left off. Like…they really used all their brain cells on how to make Rey being a Palpatine work when that didn’t have to be a thing, they focused all their energy on making Palpatine be part of the whole movie which was not necessary, for the whole plot.

So this isn’t left on an negative, everyone performance wise was amazing. All this above is not a reflection on any of the actors. Daisy showed some incredible growth as an actress and in Rey. Adam was amazing as always and is truly a genius when it comes to understanding his character. Oscar and John were on point, and as far as I know Finn and Poe end up settling down together and stormpilot is canon in my eyes. All my love to The ENTIRE cast.

I know this was a lot, if you actually read all of this I really appreciate it. A lot of this I needed to just get off my chest. I’ll probably have more things to say later on, maybe my mind will change after thinking about something. But for now this is it. Thanks for reading this, hope it all makes sense. I hate to ever say negative things, I like to be positive and optimistic but it’s better to not suppress any of these feeling either.

May the force be with all of you. Always.

[profoundlyxbonded]

12 signs a storyteller is building romantic and sexual chemistry

Dean/Cas FOR SURE hits 9/12 of these and arguably 11. DESTIEL IS REAL.

LOONG POST AND THE FANDOM EXAMPLES AREN’T SPN , BUT IT’S WORTH THE TIME.

THE BOLDED SPN EXAMPLES ARE MINE.

When it comes to possible romances in popular work, fans and storytellers do a lot of finger-pointing. People have varied tastes and can view the same interaction differently, causing fights over whether the romantic or sexual chemistry in a story was intentional. These feuds are particularly likely in cases where storytellers may be taunting queer audiences.

However, the question of whether chemistry was inserted by the storyteller isn’t as subjective as you might think. Storytellers use the same tactics over and over again when developing a romance. Let’s go over twelve of the most common. You can use them to analyze your favorite stories or to build chemistry yourself. To make things simpler, I use the term “peer” to indicate people who are similar in age and aren’t closely related. In other words, they qualify for a non-platonic relationship.

Let’s start with signals that could be platonic if used in isolation and count down to ones that are almost never platonic.

12. Banter & Teasing

Multiple episodes during seasons 4 and 5. Bickering and acting as if married after that.

When the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy came out, fans felt the chemistry between a pair of people that Peter Jackson probably didn’t expect: Legolas and Gimli. However, Jackson should have seen it coming. These contrasting characters start as natural adversaries, and once they’re on the same team, that transforms into competitive banter. This makes for fun and endearing scenes between them.

Even though banter can be platonic, there’s a very blurry line between banter and flirtation. That means interactions between peers that are familiar and yet have that teasing edge are particularly effective at building sexual and romantic chemistry.

If banter is all there is between the characters, the storyteller may not be creating that chemistry on purpose. However, in popular stories where everyone knows that fans want those characters to hook up, storytellers who include teasing are at least willing to encourage it. For instance, Merlin and Arthur on BBC’s Merlin are also known for their banter, and since it’s obvious that the show’s writers were cultivating chemistry, it’s very likely that banter was part of their strategy.

11. Staring & Close Eye Contact

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In the Star Trek: Next Generation episode The Big Goodbye, Dr. Crusher dresses up in a 1940s outfit to join Picard’s Dixon Hill game on the holodeck. When Picard sees her there, he first stops, stares, and then has a close face-to-face conversation. The scene even has cheesy romantic music.

While that example is over the top, storytellers can do this with a lot more subtlety if they want to. Visual storytellers typically have a character conversation in almost every scene, and it’s easy to nudge characters closer together or have them stare a little longer. However, some shows like Star Trek are also in the habit of making their actors talk really close together all the time. That makes the line between what is romantic and what is platonic really blurry.

Building chemistry via staring isn’t limited to visual works. In narrated works, description is used to focus the camera and show what the viewpoint character is paying attention to. The choice to describe the eyes of a peer, assuming they aren’t supernatural looking, creates romantic chemistry. Using a disproportionate amount of description on a peer, especially if that description makes them sound attractive, will also be interpreted as non-platonic. While narration can also describe how close characters are together, it won’t have the same subtlety as it would in a visual story.

10. Domestic Activities

(”Co-parenting”Jack/ being two of his three four dads.)

In season seven of The 100, viewers discover that Octavia spent ten years stranded with her former enemy, Diyoza. They took shelter in an abandoned home, and since Diyoza was already pregnant, they ended up raising her child together. For many years, Octavia tries to leave and go back to her brother, but Diyoza tells her that she shouldn’t abandon her family. Diyoza finally sabotages Octavia’s efforts to leave, but Octavia quickly forgives her. That sure sounds like a love story.

While characters don’t have to be romantic to be roommates, making peers into roommates is likely to get fans invested in a hookup. This is partly because living together is associated with romantic partnerships, but it also means that the characters are around each other a lot. The more they are together, the more opportunities they have to build chemistry.

Aside from that, simply seeing characters handle (or refuse to handle) domestic tasks like cooking, doing dishes, or house cleaning builds romantic chemistry between them. This goes double if the characters raise a kid together.

9. Bonds of Magic or Destiny

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In BBC’s Merlin, a wise dragon tells the titular Merlin that it’s his destiny to protect Arthur so that Arthur can bring about a new golden age. The dragon refers to them as two sides of a coin, and it emphasizes more than once that their fates are intertwined. Because he wants to stay close to Arthur, Merlin spends the entire show hiding his magic and working as a lowly manservant.

Our culture has countless stories about characters thrust into roles that make them essential to both the world and each other. These characters might be magically linked together, perhaps even hearing each other’s thoughts. The bond might be one of prophecy, with the characters needing each other to save the world. Or their society might make a big deal out of the two interdependent roles the characters play. For instance, in Gideon the Ninth, lots of time is spent describing how important a necromancer and their cavalier are to each other. Often, characters with these special bonds will gain abilities that can only be used when they’re together.

Storytellers have used this trope so many times in their romances that it carries a strong romantic connotation. While the trope can also be used for platonic relationships, a storyteller doing that may need to explicitly state that the relationship is platonic.

8. Voicing How Much They Care

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, the students Albus and Scorpius form a close relationship that is forbidden by Harry himself. This relationship is of central importance to the play, and it includes a conversation where Albus tells Scorpius “you make me stronger” and Scorpius responds “I didn’t much like my life without you in it either.” This sounds like a conversation from a romance novel with the direct “I love you” lines conveniently clipped out.

Friends and siblings in popular stories don’t spend much time talking about how they are friends and siblings. Most platonic relationships in stories are also not as emotionally intense, and they come across as less needy and codependent than romantic ones.

As we get more deep and meaningful platonic relationships in popular stories, these conversations may be less associated with romance in the future. Even so, having peers spend time discussing their relationship or what they mean to each other definitely builds romantic chemistry. And since we can’t credit most popular storytellers with caring about meaningful platonic relationships, conversations like this one between Albus and Scorpius are a strong sign that the storyteller is creating romantic chemistry on purpose.

Storytellers who are covertly building romantic chemistry are particularly fond of using the word “love” in ambiguous ways. They know interested audiences will interpret this as “in love,” while others will interpret it as platonic love.

7. Activities Associated With Dating

Multiple episodes - meals together

The Good Omens miniseries added original scenes for the fan-favorite demon and angel pair, Crowley and Aziraphale. The series shows them meet for the first time, go through ups and downs together, and as a secondary concern, deal with the events of the actual plot. They’re shown drinking wine at a fancy restaurant together more than once. When things look bad, Crowley practically begs Aziraphale to run away with him. After Aziraphale’s shop burns down, Crowley invites Aziraphale to come home with him. Aziraphale often appears scandalized by Crowley’s advances, which only makes those scenes more suggestive.

While two friends could have a candlelit dinner together, storytellers don’t depict characters having candlelit dinners for the purpose of developing a platonic relationship. That’s why in a story, just having two peers eat at a restaurant by themselves implies a romance in progress. Other dating-associated activities might include watching the sunset together or dressing up to attend a fancy event together.

This category also includes any outing referred to with the word “date” – even if it is a “friend date.” Your friend date in real life might not be romantic, but storytellers choose that word for a reason.

6. Absent Clothing ?

(09x06)  There’s Cas’ discarded vest and unbuttoned shirt during the scene in the car outside Nora’s.

In The Last Jedi, director Rian Johnson decided to develop a romance between Rey and Kylo by giving them a magical bond in the form of long-distance telepathy. But Johnson must have decided the obviously romantic implication of this connection was too subtle, so Kylo also happens to be shirtless in one of these scenes.

Fictional clothing doesn’t just evaporate in storyland. If a character is bathing, is in their underwear, is missing their shirt, or even just has buttons undone, the storyteller has chosen to create sexual tension. This isn’t always to develop sexual chemistry specifically between two characters. In visual media, it might be to give the audience some eye candy. But if one peer’s shirt goes missing when the other appears, that’s a big sign.

Perhaps the most common method of doing this is putting characters in the same room when one of them is changing. Injuries are another common excuse for clothing removal and close contact. A remarkable number of characters have trouble applying their own bandages; somehow, they always need first aid from an attractive peer.

5. Flirtation & Flattery

Multiple episodes - (5x22) Dean outright flirting with Cas before saying yes to Archangelic possession and just Dean’s body language in other episodes.

X-Files was notorious for taunting viewers with a possible romance between its two leads, something that started right with the pilot. One of the many tactics used to build up a possible romance was for Mulder to inappropriately hit on Scully while they were working. In one scene where they are undercover as a married couple who just moved into the neighborhood, he tells a neighbor that he and Scully spooned like kittens all night. Generally, Mulder’s advances are disguised as jokes, and when he’s too serious to be joking, Scully treats his comments as if they were jokes.

It’s obvious that when one character hits on another, they have sexual or romantic interest. The only question is whether that interest is being used to develop romantic or sexual chemistry. Many stories have a scene where a minor male character hits on a female protagonist only for her to turn him down, and it’s supposed to be funny. Since most women do not find this funny, these scenes aren’t as common as they once were. Occasionally, a male antagonist will make threatening advances. That’s even worse.

However, it’s different when a relatable protagonist is initiating the flirtation. Even if the subject of their affections isn’t interested, being turned down will create sympathy. The scene may still be written as though it’s funny, but then it’s humble or self-deprecating humor. Failed flirtation establishes that the protagonist is looking for romance, creating the expectation that they will hook up with someone. If they’ve tried to flirt with a recurring character, it’s almost certainly a romantic setup.

4. Emphasis on Hugs and Physical Contact

Multiple episodes  ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

Many fans of the show Teen Wolf wanted Stiles and Derek to hook up. Stiles is the fan-favorite character, Derek is really hot, and the two have some great banter scenes. Unfortunately, the writers of the show wouldn’t create a romance between them, but at the end of the show’s long run, they decided to give these fans something to remember. How did they do that? With the bridal carry. Even though the scene was written to be humorous, this specific hold has incredibly romantic connotations.

While the bridal carry is pretty blatant, storytellers will use all kinds of physical contact between peers to create romantic and sexual chemistry. One of the most common is hugging. Yes, friends hug, but visual stories don’t include extended shots of friends hugging. Narrated works don’t spend a whole paragraph describing the way friends hug. If a hug between peers is rendered in artistic loving detail instead of as a casual and brief aside, that was intentional chemistry-building.

Other blatant signs of non-platonic physical contact include showing whether their hands are close enough to touch, making one character fall on top of another (classic), hair tucking, and, for storytellers with no shame whatsoever, mouth-to-mouth such as CPR or “water transfer.”

3. Blushing

In Netflix’s She-Ra, the characters Bow and Glimmer start off as best friends and hook up in the final season. In depicting this transition, She-Ra gives us a beautiful reversal, in which this straight romance is much more subtle than the central queer hookup. Because they were already friends, some viewers might miss that Bow and Glimmer end the show as a couple. However, close observation of one scene in particular leaves no room for doubt. In it, Glimmer praises Bow’s music, and they both blush.

Blushing is a little odd because it doesn’t appear in live action for practical reasons. But in animated, illustrated, or narrated works, storytellers use blushing to communicate that a character is experiencing non-platonic feelings. While it occasionally indicates general embarrassment, context almost always makes it clear which is which. If the character blushes after dropping all their books in the middle of class, it’s embarrassment. If they blush after speaking to or staring at a peer, it’s romance.

Since blushing is involuntary, it’s particularly useful when characters aren’t willing to show their feelings. This means it often gets used as early buildup to a romance or to create chemistry between characters who will never admit their feelings at all.

2. Jealousy ?

OPEN TO INTERPRETATION BUT - (4X10) Cas’ reaction to Dean and Anna.

In Gideon the Ninth, Harrow is a necromancer and Gideon is her cavalier. However, at the beginning they’re almost enemies. When they’re summoned to an abandoned castle to train for a great honor, Harrow goes off on her own. This leaves Gideon to socialize with the other nobles present – in particular, the lovely and kind Dulcinea. As Gideon and Harrow begin to make up, Harrow increasingly voices her displeasure with this association, finally forbidding Gideon to see Dulcinea. While Harrow insists it’s because Dulcinea is dangerous, Gideon accuses Harrow of being jealous.

In stories, jealousy is an obvious sign of romantic feelings. That’s simply because while the vast majority of romances in popular stories are monogamous, friendships are never exclusive. Someone who wants to be a friend doesn’t have much reason to get jealous. Factor in conscious choices by storytellers, and platonic jealousy is rare indeed.

Characters rarely admit to being jealous, so storytellers who want to clarify usually have another character say it. Even if it looks like that character could be wrong, the storyteller wouldn’t have used the word “jealous” unless they wanted their audience to think about it. The romantic chemistry that comes with this is intentional.

Unlike other items on this list, I don’t recommend using this one yourself for romantic buildup. Like other negative emotions, occasional jealousy is natural. However, it’s not a sign of a healthy relationship, and it’s associated with domestic abuse. When storytellers use it in romances, they are encouraging everyone to think of jealousy as romantic. That can have deadly consequences.

1. Onlookers Assume They’re Dating

Multiple episodes - Meg, Balthazar, and others making joking (or very serious) comments about their relationship.

In the BBC Sherlock episode A Study in Pink, Watson and Sherlock have dinner together at an Italian restaurant. For those who’ve been paying attention so far, that’s a dating-associated activity. The waiter is an old associate of Sherlock, and he casually refers to Watson as Sherlock’s “date.”

I cannot count the number of times I have seen this used as early buildup in straight romances. The likely couple goes out together – often to a restaurant but not always – and some stranger assumes they’re a couple. Embarrassed, they hurriedly correct the stranger. Several episodes later, they’re admitting their feelings for one another. In BBC Sherlock, this trick from the old romantic playbook was clearly not enough for the show writers. Following this is a conversation where Sherlock concludes that Watson is interested in dating him. He says he’s flattered, but he’s “married to his work.”

The denial of the characters doesn’t cancel out the intentional romantic chemistry. If the storyteller didn’t want the audience to think about the pair hooking up, they wouldn’t do this song-and-dance in the first place. In fact, if the denial is enthusiastic, it just indicates these comments about being a couple are hitting close to home.

For all the other signs I’ve listed here, I can at least conceive of a situation in which a plot would call for something similar between people intended as platonic. These little snippets of dialogue have no such cover. They are irrelevant to the plot at hand, inserted entirely for the character moment they create. They are the furthest thing from organic, especially with a same-gender pairing. The storytellers can claim they’re jokes (homophobic ones), but they have many jokes at their disposal that do not build romantic chemistry. They chose a joke that would.

When these romantic or sexual signals are used on same-gender pairings, it may fly under the radar for audiences with a heteronormative gaze. However, these signals don’t end up in the story by accident. That goes double if this is a big-budget story in a visual medium, where the story has been written, animated, or filmed, and finally edited under supervision. Remember: it’s a storyteller’s job to shape the response that audiences have to their story. They may not be perfect, but they still know what they’re doing.