#rhys;;007

[nicolepeterson]

closed event starter for @rhysmorgann

Nicole looked around as she stood in line with Ryder in his stroller, waiting to see Santa. She had invited Rhys to join them and she was going he'd show up before they got up to see the Christmas icon. Last year, Ryder was so tiny that he didn't realize what was going on, but now he was just over 13 months and was more aware so she was excited to see how he'd react. Finally spotting her son's father, she waved over to him and smiled as he approached. "Rhys, hey. Did you bring the camera?" She asked curiously, knowing while they did pictures with Santa, she wanted Rhys to take one or two as well.

[ravellaarryns]

who: @falcxnprince when and where: set following ravella's discussions with queen katherine serrett, she seeks out a surprise visit to her brothers chambers; her mind is alight with paranoia due to the move she made, and the fact she knows guinevere lannister spoke to him. she is waiting to see whether he admits it. context: rhys knows how to snap ravella out of her paranoia. he's the only one who knows how to do that.

ravella stood at the door to rhys's chambers, her heart pounding in her chest, her mind still whirling from her conversation with queen katherine serrett. the silence in the corridor was almost too much to bear, and yet it was a silence she welcomed—it allowed her thoughts to gather, to crystallise into the questions that would not leave her. guinevere lannister. that woman’s name twisted itself into her thoughts, like a snake curling around her spine. she knew guinevere had spoken to rhys. she could feel it, the pull between them that threatened to unravel everything.

"if there is a whore in here somewhere, fix it." she uttered, her hands still resting upon the doorknob; her gaze did not move around the room to check or verify, though she felt her chest tighten beneath the corset she still wore.

why had rhys allowed the conversation? did he know the weight of his actions? did he understand how much was at stake? no, she could not allow herself to wait any longer. she had to confront him. she had to make him see—make him confess. taking a deep breath, ravella pushed open the door. her brother was sitting at the edge of his bed, the dim candlelight casting shadows across his face. he looked younger than he ought to, though the weight of the world always seemed to hang heavier on her shoulders than his. she barely noticed the way his hair fell messily around his face, or how his dark eyes flicked up to meet hers.

no, all that mattered was the question, the accusation that burned in her chest. "so," she began, her voice smooth, quiet, but sharper than it needed to be, "guinevere lannister spoke to you, didn’t she?" she took a step forward, standing just within the threshold, her icy gaze never leaving his. there was something in the way he held himself that made her stomach churn. the calmness, the way he looked at her as if he already knew.

“i know she did,” she continued, her voice taking on an edge, a quiet venom that made her own pulse race. “i felt it when you came back to dinner —did you think i wouldn’t notice? or perhaps you hoped i wouldn’t? what did she want?"

her fingers clenched at her sides, her nails pressing into her palms as she fought to keep her composure. the words poured out, unbidden, yet desperate, as though the air itself was too thick with tension to breathe. “you should never have listened to her,” she said softly, but the undercurrent of command in her tone was unmistakable. and yet, perhaps it were the ghostly presence she had in the candlelight, or the way in which her hair hung down her back - she looked as though she were completely undone. “do you understand what you’ve done?” she stepped closer, her bare feet brushing against the cool floor, the thin nightgown clinging to her form in the dim light, making her presence seem more vulnerable than she’d like to admit.

"you've given her an opening." she appeared almost ghostly, paired with the pale tint in her face as she hissed, moving forward into the candlelight as she leaned down to where rhys sat and looked upon her.

“she cannot be trusted, rhys,” she murmured, her voice softer now, coaxing, drawing him in. almost as though he were nothing but a mere babe in the cradle; she never cradled him, even when they were children - but there had been a time where rhys had been her baby. none others, hers. “you know that - you know the truth. the truth i’ve been fighting to keep alive. and yet, you let her speak to you, let her—” she bit back the words, swallowing down the bitterness threatening to spill over. “do you know what this means for me?” she added, her voice low, trembling with the weight of what she was about to say. “if you’ve sided with her, if you believe her lies... do you realise how much is at stake? for you... for me... for everything.”

her heart hammered in her chest, but she kept her gaze fixed on him. she waited, the seconds stretching long and unbearable. she didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t stop herself. "i need everything cleansed for when my son is born. you know i have not bled, everyone knows." she uttered, her voice trembling, as though she were trying not to give in to her worst instincts. not when it came to him.

[nerds-yearbook]

The 25th anniversary Bond film and first Bond film since Roger Moore retired, The Living Daylights premiered on July 31, 1987. Pierce Brosnan was set to take on the Bond mantle when at the last moment, the makers of the TV show Remington Steele decided to capitalize on all the Bond buzz and hold him to a new season of the cancelled show. This was a failure as the new season only managed 6 episodes before cancelling. The failed season also prevented Steele costar Stephanie Zimbalist from taking a major role in the sci fi blockbuster Robocop. Brosnan was replaced by Timothy Dalton who had decided to pass on the role years earlier because at the time he felt he was too young. However, he only made one more movie before the franchise was forced into hiatus. After years of limbo, Dalton decided to move on and Brosnan was once more offered the role. The Living Daylights and the following Dalton movie both protrayed a Bond closer to the novels, possibly the closest till the Daniel Craig era years later. Following the success of the Duran Duran theme for View to a Kill, Ah-Ha of "Take on Me" fame was tapped for the theme song. Besides the darker and violent take on the character, the movie also had a couple of scenes of actual nudity outside of the opening credits (including Virginia Hey of Farscape). Long time iconic Bond composer John Barry made a cameo as a conductor in the movie. Walter Gotell returned as General Gogol (The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker, For Your Eyes Only, Octopussy and A View to a Kill), Robert Brown as M (Octopussy and A View to a Kill) and Desmond Llewelyn as Q (every previous Bond film except Dr No and Live and Let Die). For the first time in the series, the role of Moneypenny was taken over by Caroline Bliss. Previously, since the first film Dr No, the role of Moneypenny had been played by Lois Maxwell making her the most consistent actor to play a role in the Bond franchise. The title and opening teaser was based on a Bond short story written by Ian Fleming. ("The Living Daylights" movie event)

[sasa-chan]

The Living Daylights (1987)

Starring:

Timothy Dalton, Maryam d'Abo, Joe Don Baker, Art Malik, John Rhys-Davies, Jeroen Krabbé

Directed By:

John Glen

Genre:

Action/Thriller

Rating:

PG

Run Time:

2 Hours 10 Minutes

Release Date:

29 June 1987 (London, premiere)

31 July 1987 (United States)

Synopsis:

British secret agent James Bond (Timothy Dalton) helps KGB officer Georgi Koskov (Jeroen Krabbé) defect during a symphony performance. During his debriefing, Koskov reveals that a policy of assassinating defectors has been instated by new KGB head Leonid Pushkin (John Rhys-Davies). But as Bond explores this threat, a counterplot surfaces, involving a shady American arms dealer (Joe Don Baker) and a pair of Russian assassins, Necros (Andreas Wisniewski) and Kara Milovy (Maryam d'Abo).

[muzzledjaw]

I have a lot of headcanons I've posted to @coffee4harper Discord server in the past couple hours and I was holdnto post them here so :]

💥TORCHWOOD💥

**Ianto James Bond Headcanons**

- Ianto has *atleast* five copies of his favourite James bond movies.

- Lisa started the "Jones. Ianto, Jones." Joke.

- After the events of the season 1 finale, ianto had been referred to as 007 multiple times.

- After Ianto's death, Jack went to every opening night showing of a James bond film, then went to Ianto's grave to tell him about it.

- Ianto use to have a framed picture of every James bond actor in his childhood room.

//

**Torchwood Social Medias**

During slow days at work, the team goes on:

*Owen* - Reddit. He absolutely loves Reddit and frequents many subreddits

*Tosh* - YouTube. She probably watches in depth YouTube tutorials on both things she's interested in so she can learn, and things she already knows to silently judge

*Ianto* - Tumblr. He's not very active, but he does some scrolling during slow days in the tourist office.

*Gwen* - Instagram. She comments on every one of Rhys' posts and watches instagram reels.

*Jack* - do you really think this man knows how to use social media? Owen probably made him download snapchat and got him hooked on the fitters like every grandparent

Owen's reddit account was also linked to his torchwood email

//

The team once came into the hub really late to find Jack sleeping on the couch under the "TORCHWOOD" sign hugging ten's hand jar

//

One of the last things the face of bo sees is a suited figure crouching down infront of him and just holding him. He can't remember the figure's face, or who it is, but the face of bo feels safe to die, knowing he's in this unknown figure's arms

//

Jack reaches out to ianto's sister after the days of miracle day and offers finance support to her until the day she dies, saying ianto would've wanted his family to be safe. This continues for generations, until eventually the children are stopped being told of their late relative Ianto and the odd man who gives them so much money in his name

//

Owen fucking loves Melanie Martinez - specifically Cry Baby

//

Sometime in season 2, Jack once again started feeling guilty about suddenly leaving Torchwood for the Doctor for like a year, so he surprised Ianto with a spontaneous road trip. They drove across Wales for a week and it was one of the last peaceful moments the two ever had

//

**Post Death**

Owen's spirit haunted Dash-Con

After the events of House If The Dead, Ianto's spirit ended up at Canary Warf. Tourists and people who work in the area often talk about the suited Welshman who sits at the fountain all day, everyday, waiting for a woman to arrive

Tosh's spirit, somehow, ended up in Glasgow. She haunts Torchwood 2 and helps old Archie with tech. Archie doesn't realise she's a spirit. He's just happy to have company and someone to help him with all the email stuff

//

Mitski became popular and Jack locked himself in his office for a week straight and sobbed to her songs, thinking about ianto and all he lost in the past few years. He made sure to keep her music safe until his face of bo era. He never played miski for the guests of his events. She was just for him and his cat maid

//

The doctor's hand was destroyed in the torchwood bomb, and after learning about it, Jack just sobbed. He's lost tosh, Owen, and ianto. And now, he can't even keep track of the doctor. He's lost in his eternal life with nothing. This later leads to his decision to leave earth

//

Jack absolutely loved the x-men comics when they were first released, and when X-Men First Class was released he'd watch it on repeat imagining him and his team in place of the characters. The roles would shift around sometimes, but Jack always sees himself as Charles Xavier

//

Jack had a fling with Wilfred Owen during WW1. He keeps original copies of the man's work close to him. After Ianto's death, he donated what he could scavenge of the papers to the London Archives, not wanting anymore reminders of the men he loved that died too young

//

After CoE, and realising she never actually knew Ianto, Gwen sat Jack down with a cup of tea and asked him to tell her everything he could about the real Ianto before his funeral. Jack just.. sighed.. and said to gwen, "he was many things" and never explained further

//

Before the coffin was closed, Jack started a stopwatch and placed it in Ianto's hand. Like the ring that John threw in with Jack when he was forced to bury Jack alive, the stopwatch was a tracker with a special battery to allow it to run for centuries. When he felt lonely, Jack would check on the tracker, just to know that ianto was still there and the stopwatch was still ticking away, timing their time apart. He was not ready for the day he checked on the tracker and the screen was blank

//

(Based off that one scene in greys anatomy) after the service, Jack and gwen found a quiet spot to sit, and Jack just burst into laughter. And because Jack was laughing, Gwen was laughing. And they laughed together until it morphed into a comfortable silence between them as they held eachother

//

Ianto was buried with a sobriety coin in his pocket. Only Jack knows about this.

[s8h]

Post dinner consensus: Johnathan Rhys Meyers would be the best Bond (if he cleaned up)

JRM 4 007!

[crmincls]

⸻ max irons, 39, cis man, he/him ; ] welcome to the bastion, RHYS THORNE. we’ve had a problem with our system, please help me readjust your files. it says here you are THIRTY NINE and have been around london for YOUR WHOLE LIFE, correct? yes, i’ve read an article about you - they said you can be CONFIDENT and DISTANT, is that true? no matter, i’m sure your position as a SPY FOR THE TABLE will conceal all of that. all done now. i hope to be seeing more of your DOZENS OF PASSPORTS WITH FALSE NAMES ON EACH / A WARDROBE TO FIT EVERY OCCASION / PERFECTLY BLOWN SMOKE RINGS in the future. enjoy your stay, and remember the rules. / / james bond, jack ryan, jason bourne. [ ⸻ honey ;

𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬

full name . rhys henry thorne

nickname(s) . rhys

age . 39

sexuality . heterosexual

place of birth . london, england

occupation . spy for the head of the table

height . 6'0"

tattoos . plenty of scars + tattoos worked over the scars.

piercings . none

pinterest . here

𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐬

( tw: )

a  lot  of  this  is  tbd  while  plotting  with  daddio

rhys  fell  in  love  with  spy  movies  as  a  kid.  it  seemed  so  fast  passed,  so  intense  and  interesting  that  he  sought  to  find  a  way  into  that  world.  he  won’t  admit  it,  but  he  can  quote  the  old  james  bond  movies.

but  being  a  spy  for  the  crown  just  wasn’t  what  he  thought  it  would  be.  covering  up  shit  for  politicians  and  people  who  needed  to  keep  a  clear  image  wasn’t  what  he  signed  up  for.  that  damn  sure  wasn’t  what  007  did.  his  tipping  point  was  always  a  delicate  one,  which  is  why  one  little  wind  pushed  him  into  the  world  his  father  had  already  embraced.

years  later  he’s  a  spy  for  the  head  of  the  table  herself.  nobody  knows  really,  but  they  damn  sure  do  know  he  does  something  for  the  table.  rhys  weasels  his  way  into  every  sort  of  situation,  he  learns  your  secrets,  and  he  reports  what’s  worth  it  to  the  woman  in  charge.  sometimes  he  gets  his  hands  dirty,  and  the  lack  of  rules  and  regulations  certainly  makes  him  enjoy  this  job  a  far  bit  more.

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

on main :

flings, exes, messes : is hoe, make mess.

friends : or as close as they can get. he doesn’t really get close to a lot of people but their relationship works because they don’t really ask any questions either.

sparring partners : he enjoys fighting, and they keep one another in the ring and up to skill.

connections : people who tip him off to things, whether willing on their part or just people he has manipulated into it and don’t even realize what is going on.

enemies : or just in general people who don’t like him, people who don’t get along with him, people who he doesn’t like.

〈 𝐑𝐇𝐘𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄 / 𝐬𝐩𝐲 〉,〈 𝐫𝐡𝐲𝐬 / 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚜 〉

〈 𝐑𝐇𝐘𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄 / 𝐬𝐩𝐲 〉,〈 𝐫𝐡𝐲𝐬 / 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚙𝚘 〉

〈 𝐑𝐇𝐘𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄 / 𝐬𝐩𝐲 〉,〈 𝐫𝐡𝐲𝐬 / 𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚐𝚎 〉

〈 𝐑𝐇𝐘𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄 / 𝐬𝐩𝐲 〉,〈 𝐫𝐡𝐲𝐬 / 𝚍𝚎𝚟 〉

[amazinglyegg]

Art Masterlist

A dream I had

All liars go to hell (Deacon and X6)

All about Jay

Bedhead Danse

Boone

Daily rounding of oreos

Danse and Cutler (gif)

Danse and Cutler remade (gif)

Danse eats sushi with a fork

Danse in Slime Rancher

Danse stimming

Danse and Cavetown

Danse is EVIL and DANGEROUS

Danse and Jay hugging

Deaccready (ugly ass groom)

DiMA

DiMA helping a worm across the road

Doodle Deacons

[Edit] She was poetry... Faraday x DiMA

[Edit] Desdemona

[Edit] DiMA x Faraday

FNV gecko

[Edit] Nick

Fallout x Don't Starve crossover

For the Brotherhood

Frustration area

[Fanfiction] Danse and Uncertaincy, Ao3

[Fanfiction] Danse and Cutler (unfinished)

[Fanfiction] Six-sentence Danse and Cutler

Jay!

Jay and Danse blood

Jay and Danse oven

Jay eating cigarettes (gif)

Jay and Shaun

Jay's outfits

Jay being ansgty on a bench

Jay and a lot of blood

Military irl

[Moodboard] Jay

[Moodboard] Danse

[Moodboard] Deacon

[Moodboard] Edward Deegan x Jack Cabot

Nick explains what a tree is to DiMA

Piss ass ass (Jay and Danse)

Queer Deacon

Rhys wouldnt love Danse as a worm

Stop starin' at me with those big ol' eyes

[Stimboard] Nick Valentine

They call Deacon 007

To a good home (Danse)

Too Sweet (Preston x Sole)

Transe (trans Danse)

Trans!fem Danse

[Gifset] Maximus doesn't know what sex is

[patart-illustrations-stuff]

"I take this is not a social call, 007."

John Rhys-Davies as General Leonid Pushkin

Art from THE JAMES BOND LEXICON   by Alan J. Porter and Gillian Porter

[suchananewsblog]

Matthew Rhys Reveals How He Messed Up His James Bond Audition With A Joke

Matthew Rhys has added his identify to the lengthy record of British actors who, regardless of their greatest endeavours, wouldn’t be Bond.  The star of Perry Mason and The Americans instructed The Times of London that he managed to royally mess up his assembly with 007’s producers, again after they have been on the lookout for a alternative for Pierce Brosnan.  Rhys instructed the paper he was…

[ultimate-007]

[lovehurried]

VALENTINE’S STARTER  •  @wasworthy​​  •  Rhys Strongfork

“Now, you know I barely need an excuse to get dressed up. And I love being your plus one to these things - especially given how good you look in a suit. But you look like you’d rather crawl out of your skin than go back in there, so here’s a wild idea,” 

The bubble of conversation, though muffled, can still be heard coming from the gala they’ve momentarily escaped from. Midge reaches to fix the knot of his tie, and there’s mischief in her expression as she glances up to meet his eyes.

“There’s a back entrance near the kitchen. And I’m very good at sneaking out of places.”

[moonshct-blog]

🌙 — tag dump.

[rhysdarbinizedarby]

Latest tweet on trail cam with Rhys Darby; no Kiwi, stay tune for his TikTok!

New post from Rhys Darby's Instagram:

“I miss my boys so I'm heading to The Music is Bond tonight at the Kiri Te Kanawa Theatre, Aotea Centre. There's still tickets available I think, so come along for a tremendous evening of 007 tunes!”

[torchwood-99]

16 for the ask meme

for @ beckettjay as well :)

16. How does the Torchwood Secret Santa end in disaster

Jack gets Rhys. 

He ends up organising a flash mob for Rhys outside his office. Rhys swears never to forgive him until gives him his real present, which is two tickets for a long weekend in Venice in Spring. Rhys says maybe he can find it in his heart to forgive Jack after all (even if Rhys does accuse Jack of just wanting to buy a gift for Gwen instead because he likes her more. Jack doesn’t deny it.)

Rhys gets Tosh.

Rhys. Panics. Tosh is nice, and friendly, and lovely. He initially thinks that compared to Captain Jack Bollocks and Owen (the guy who ‘comforted’ his wife during that rough path), getting Tosh was a result. But he knows *nothing* about her. She’s too nice to be let down with a shit gift, but he never knows how to talk to her. He can’t ask Gwen for help, because then she’ll know who he got. He ends up with no choice but to try and follow his wife’s example and do some stalking. Unfortunately, he’s just as rubbish at spying as Gwen-of-the-pizza-girl-disguise was, and Tosh ends up pulling a gun on him when she catches him following her around the John Lewis homeware department, convinced he’s an alien imposter is following her. Rhys nearly wets himself but manages to explain what’s going. Tosh points out the (scarily sharp) set of designer Christmas knives and takes a retcon pill so it will still be a surprise.

Tosh gets Ianto. 

Toshiko thinks this should be a doddle. After all, it would be so easy to just hack into Ianto’s search history. Unfortunately, Ianto doesn’t google things such as ‘perfect presents for Ianto’. Aside from that more personal googles searches that Tosh could only suppose was research for his dabbling with Jack, everything else was weird and random google searches, and bookmarked pages of lists of weird random facts. Not only does Tosh struggle to find gift inspiration, she is shaken by the realisation that Ianto does in fact not know everything, he just commits random bits of info to memory which he can drop into conversation in order to seem like he knows everything. 

Finally, Toshiko hits gold and hacks into the official 007 museum and has an authentic pair of Roger Moore’s cufflinks sent to the Hub, Ianto is delighted, but would be less so if he knew that Tosh picked the gift after reading his self-insert James Bond fanfic. She will never look at him the same again.

Ianto gets Andy.

Ianto panics at first in his calm, quiet way. Outwardly, he’s as cool as a cucumber. Inwardly, he’s in crisis mode. He isn’t even sure Andy should be in the office Secret Santa (Rhys was a push) seeing as Andy isn’t actually in the office.

Still, he rises to the challenge. He goes by the tried and tested method of internet stalking and google history hacking, and gets some good ideas. Beers, jeans, the odd piece of tech, but he decides to get some more info via Gwen and Owen, by subtly bringing Andy up in conversation. Unfortunately, his subtlety doesn’t turn out to be so subtle. Gwen and Owen become convinced that Ianto is considering inviting Andy to join in on Jack and Ianto’s dabbling. Gwen thinks that Jack and Ianto might be too overwhelming for Andy, and kindly advises Ianto to bring Andy into the fold gentle. Owen has his own objections to Jack & Ianto defiling his boyfriend friend acquaintance. Ianto firmly puts them right, but they’re still sceptical.

Ianto decides to give Andy what all men (and most women) truly want, and that’s a perfectly cut suit. Andy is surprised and delighted, while Ianto; well, after Gwen and Owen voices their suspicions, Ianto couldn’t quite get the idea out of his head. At first it seemed ludicrous, but after seeing him in that suit...well...Ianto’s next James Bond self-insert fic saw the inclusion of a mild mannered PC with sandy blond hair and a lanky build, getting up to all sorts of fun with James Bond and his Welsh butler.

Andy gets Owen. 

Out of all the TW team members; except Gwen and maybe Rhys, Andy knows he lucked out getting Owen, seeing as he actually *knows* Owen. And Andy knows Owen has had a tough year, what with all that dying stuff, and he really wants to get Owen something special, something meaningful, something that tells Owen just how much their friendship has meant to Andy the past year.

Trouble is, they’re blokes, and Owen is the blokeiest of blokes. How are blokes meant to show their love and appreciation for them, especially when one of them would break out in hives at any sign of affection, if his skin was still capable of breaking out into hives. 

Andy started second guessing himself, everything is either too personal, not personal enough, or just plain shit. 

He finally strikes the perfect note with the platinum movie subscription package. With so much time to kill, what Owen really needs is something to fill it, and what better way than movies. Things are going well, Owen is delighted, too delighted in fact. He actually hugs Andy.

That’s when Andy starts crying. 

Owen is surprisingly sensitive for him, but that only makes Andy cry even more, and in the end he has to step outside for five minutes to pull himself together.

Owen gets Gwen.

Ok, he likes Gwen. Gwen is a fairly open, honest person. Not too hard to buy her a gift. And Owen knows everyone thinks he can’t be sensitive, but even he’s not a total emotional potato when it comes to gifts. He’ll get her jewellery, chicks love jewellery. Good idea, pretty sensible. He’ll even go super thoughtful and check out antique jewellery, dating back to the 1891, the year her family moved to Cardiff. 

He finds an antique site that is selling antique necklaces, and a beautiful emerald pendant that would perfectly match Gwen’s eyes. In great condition too.

In too great condition.

Yeah, the site is being run by illegal time travellers who have been using scavenged Rift tech to go into the past and sell the good they pick there for a profit. Ok, fine, bit dodgy but still...no harm done. 

Except that the space hopping tech was unstable as hell and has been ripping a hole in the space time continuum and soon the streets are filled with Victorian Christmas carollers who fell through the gaps. Right, ok, bit annoying but fixable. Round them, confiscate the tech, send back the Victorians who want to go back, set the Victorians who’d rather stay and enjoy such luxuries as voting rights, indoor plumbing and inoculations up with new identities. 

And then it turns out that a certain mass murderer known as Jack had been hanging around Cardiff that time. Luckily, they take him down before the streets of Cardiff are lined with corpses, but still, not someone you want to spend Christmas Eve interrogating.

That said, Gwen does love the necklace.

Gwen gets Jack.

Jack. Jack should be easy. Gwen loves Jack. Jack loves Gwen. 

Except, oh yeah, Jack doesn’t tell her shit. Jack doesn’t tell anyone shit.

So how is she to get his Royal Enigmatic Immortal Pratness the perfect gift?

Well, maybe looking up a certain Doctor might do the trick. At first, it’s just meant to be a quick call, courtesy of the wonderful Martha Jones. That phone call turns into a skype meeting. That skype meeting turns into a face to face meeting. That face to face meeting turns into a frenzied hurry to save the world from the cannibalistic teddy bears that had gone on a rampage in the shopping centre. That fight to the death turns into an offer for just one trip, just one short little trip, maybe to see Christmas the year her family moved to Cardiff? Ok, but now she’s seen the past she has to see the future. And she can’t just stick to Earth she’s got to go to see some other planets and yeah of course her husband can come along! 

So yeah, that one phone call turns into a six month trip through time and space and vague plans for another ‘quick’ jaunt in the Summer. During this trip Rhys ends up worshipped as a god for introducing lasagne to the until then war-torn planet of Zaxland, a lasagne so good that it ended a war that had been lasting for twenty generations and introduced an everlasting peace. And Gwen, Gwen gets turned into a werewolkf. Yeah, ok, the Doctor said he cured her, but she still runs way to fast and it’s bad enough that she wants her steaks extra rare now, but to eat them without a knife or fork and just tear at it with her teeth? yeah, a bit creepy.

Still, Jack is really chuffed with the album of his favourite 51st century singer’s greatest hits, so all’s well that ends well.