#revived after 3 years and kept in jail

[secondlastk]

rowan damisch truly makes like 1 decision and falls into *checks notes* 120+ years of suffering

[minzart]

You know what? I'm gonna complain it is good to put it out with a semi(hopefuly)understandable way see if anyone else had the same thoughts or something

So yeah arcane season 2 ramblings bellow

I knew it would be a hard task to deliver after such a good season 1, like it had everything ending with a perfect cicle, the first step was the last

We got themes and coherent actions with it, the characters are Charaters as much as embodiments of the narrative and it's mensage

And it was all a tragedy in the making

I though they could keep the loop, at the end I never expected we to get close to see Zaun and Piltover being split. Never, they are sisters cities one hurting the other more and more as progress comes and their bridge burns and grows bigger and bigger but never splitting, a never ending cicle(to a never ending game)

It works in the first season and I wished they kept it running in the second,but nooo let's pick up an already solved tread and force it to work again.

What the fuck am I talking about? well, many things, one specifically is

The sisters arc.

I can't be the only who thought what season 1 was trying to say with the tea scene was that she IS Powder AND Jinx, and what she actually needed was for both sides(Vi and Silco) to shut the fuck up and let her BE HERSELF. At that time I though if we ever get a season two she would realize what happened that night, not as choosing a side as she puts but as a birth of something new, while VI could also realize her sister has changed and she is not dead but become worse, or spiral into a worse state of mind ignoring who her sister is and insisting she is dead and wtv that thing Jinx is is not her sister anymore(and that's only bc at that time i discovered her lol conterpart is an enforcer so i though hey Vi's gonna have a villain arc and people are gonna acknowledge she also has insues to work with right :D )

But what season 2 did was forget continuity they are trying to GO BACK and this time the narrative will repeat itself beat by beat but worse.

In season 2 they revived Vander(and that IS vander with a warwick skin), only to beat the man to death 3 times over and over, and worse, don't revive his fucking theme with it making him a plot device more than the character he is, and let's pull Silco right along with him and change all that mattered before with these 2 too why not.

And don't come telling me "but they foreshadowed warwick in season 1" I KNOW AND I WANTED TO SEE WOLFMAN AS DID EVERYBODY. But what I did not want was it to be Vander AGAIN. I wanted them to lean into the amnesiac aspect of his story, Warwick WAS a man before, he was someone ELSE, but now He is OTHER, he is not Vander and would never be, and THAT would be the link to conclude the sisters arc.

The direction I though they would go was to cherish the past, learn from it, and see that you did changed and yet not, you are you in all your gloric and flaws, the child you once were is still in you as is the adult you have become with. It. there.

You can not run from your past, you can not break off of it, else you are not yourself anymore.

In a way VI would trace Vander's footsteps but worse, I though she would lean in the protecting the status quo without thinking about it, yes she is from the undercuts but she has been 7 years in jail and the city changed without her in it, she wants to go back so bad, that she can't see she can't. There is no way she could go back, she is not Vander, and yes his ideas are alive but the time they worked not, a new twist has to be given to it, adapt it to the new present, a thing she can't do alone

And as paralels Jinx, would have traced Silco and not liked it one bit, I never got the vibe that she would by the end fight for a cause, she is no leader, and she is no dog either, she is chaos itself right? She works for herself at the end of the day, I hoped we would see she try and abandon that path altogether without noticing she would be the reverse.

Silco was a dictator in the making with the speech of freedom as his weapon, Vander was a keeper of the status quo in the name of "peace", read stability. Jinx would be an arsonist that accidentally spiked the dream of revolution, of freedom, in the people around her while VI would want to go back to "status quo" by the means of violence.

You see how that's an interesting talk? Yes the past was safety, and yet it wasn't perfect, and yes freedom is beautiful but to get there it will be gory. There will be loss to both mentalities.

It would what? Exactly, keep the goddamn theme of season 1. Maybe not perfectly, I'm no professional, but I can dream.

"But jinx did become a simble of revolution!" NO she did not, it was cute that Isha transformed her image in a simble of hope and that itself works someway for the theme they tried to do for her as just Poweder 2.0, bc that's all she is, the child self, nothing more. But that is not what I'd call satisfying for Jinx character from season 1. Added to that, what revolution? if by the end both sides made up by the power of third party enemy?

The Warwick variable would come to contrast both as a new character, maybe a victim of the status quo Vi is adhering and a psicological contrast to Jinx change.

As a side not LET SILCO DIE. LET HIM FUCKING DIE AND STAY DEAD LIKE VANDER IS. I don't want a backstory,nor flashback, nor memory trip, the past of these two was excellent as ambiguous, they are the mentors, the fathers, the side characters, ambiguity WORKS IN THEIR FAVOR, legends of their own making

What i asked of this arc was a paralel scene with Jinx and Silco to VI and Vander back in season 1, y'know? The one VI is knocked down and Vander's ghost basically comes back to give her a BRIEF pep talk that MATCHES HER OWN MINDSET AND HIS, BC THEY EMBODY THE SAME PARALEL? YEAH. AND I WAS HAPPY that Silco got his ghost moment, but... he would not... forgive, season 1 would not and Jinx in that mind state,nor before, would too, these two have one thing in comum and is SPITE, they are cocrooch that refuses to die despite being repeatedly beaten out of your home, wish that was the focus of these two in that paralel scene, but well... with the theme they choose he had to be changed

Mel Medarda what did they do to you my girl you did not deserve this

Now, to be fair her arc could be fixed with more episodes or just one more season just establish something that wasn't there is season 1, her magic powers. But in my rant I'm trying to see if there is just another way for her to go that could tecnicaly and not need another season

Arcane was fast peaced but at least it had a focus.

Season 1 focused on the sisters more than up top, everyone there, including Mel were more world building devices than characters to me, and season 2 changed the focus characters to Viktor and Jayce but forgot to bring with them their support characters wich explains to me why I feel so lost to half the casts motives and place in the story.

In the beggining I loved that we focused on her opposing her mother in every decision, and gave a paralel to her own path in season 1, when Ambesa says let's use hextech I wanted the show to scream the same scens as Mel had when she convinced the council to use it too.

I wanted the show to pick these people who says "wow Mel is so evillll she manipulates peopleeeee my poor babyyyy jayce noooo my himbo sonnn" by the throat and say "you want to see manipulation? I'l fucking show you it" and presents Ambesa as the foil.

Focus on a political intrigue to these two, buy time for wtv is happening with Viktor, Caitlyn, Vi and Jinx to cook, Ambesa wants an invasion, Mel doesn't.

Maybe the seeds for magical powers were there in season 1, Mels paintings(magic and art thend to be used interchangeably in some medias i think), Ambesa's music video, "why did you come here mother?", but it would need more time to flourish in a satisfactory way, or at least better presented.

"Oh your powers are growing faster bc the arcane is awaken" BULLSHIT I TELL YOU.

Mel is strong in her words, love a woman who can kick ass but love one that can make myself bend to her will with one word even more.

Actualy on second though you know what would made her arc suck less? IF THEY DIDN'T FRIDGED HER FOR HALF OF IT. If the black rose was not meant to be the big bad at the end then what the fuck was the point of taking her out of the picture(would it be too hard to make her magical powers manifest in the scene she was kidnapped insted of... kidnaping. Girl was playing detective already)? The only way I can think it was a good idea is bc they didn't want to make her and Caitlyn fight for the sake of a final show down with Ambesa, bc there is no way these two would be in speaking terms if they interacted during Caits dictatorship

Speaking of dictatorship, for more that I love it I also loath it bc they just didn't show the during reing enough and I blame they taking Mel down way too early(I love the path of anger and grief Caitlyn went). Imagine a world were down there it's an emotional conflict leaded by Vi-Warwick-Jinx and up there a political intrigue of Mel-Caitlyn-Ambesa. That ends with peace below and an explosion(fascist reing start) up there? A, say it with me, INVERSION OF SEASON 1 ENDING :) wouldn't that be NEAT?!

Maybe even end it right there and let it ambiguous. There is no need for season 3 if they don't can't do it, the open ending is the strong forte of this series for me especificaly.

But what about the rest? What about

Jayce, Viktor and Ekko

Gonna be honest, they arc is so over the place with who they were in season 1 that they fell completely unrelated to anything in there anymore.

Season 2 changed focus from the sisters to Jayce and Viktor, everything plot related was through them, the problem is, their choices and... themes? Were not previously established by season 1 and season 2 took both out of the picture and put doppelganger in their places.

For more that I love Jesus viktor... now that I saw the fans that know him as The Machine Herald complain about his arc I know what was bugging me with it too.

He didn't choose any of what happened to him, something that is and was, a big thing to him back in season 1 and his lol conterpart. You know, Sky was never a character, she was a warning to Viktor remember? She died, consumed by the hexcore because of his medling, and he still continued to use it, wasn't that supposed to be the warning sigh to us that Viktor was going to spiral? And yet...

By the end Jayce and Viktor are foils, even if the season presents literaly 3 versions of them in one season bc they didn't transitioned their chance as smoothly as I'd like. Bc for more gay and amazing that ending was... Jayce is not the same character he was when he shot Viktor, absolutely not, you are telling me, that he was given a mission to show Viktor the future, and his response was to kill him instead of try to allude to the end? That the Jayce that shot Viktor in the chest was the same Jayce that understood he had to hug the divine manifestation lf his partner in the Astral plane to show the future and esencialy die with him by the end?

Love how Ekko swinged by the end and bough enough time for that finale he literaly lived up to his expectations as the boy savior, but lord I wanted him to be so much more coherent, the narrative yanked him out of the leadership role he had in season 1 and made him a by stander and last minute deus ex maquina. HE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO ANSWER VI/Vander AND Silco/Jinx THEMES, HE HAS WAS THE THRID FACTION THE BETTER FUTURE, THE SIDE WE AS THE AUDIENCE SHOULD CHEER THE MOST AS THE NEW FUTURE FOR ZAUN. NOT THE LETS GET TOGHETER AS ONE TO DEFEND OUR CITY FROM THE BIG BAD NATION OVER SEAS- FUCK THAT.

Him and Sevika should join forces, their arc should have been bring down town togheter and focus on a better future, heal the now, even if both have diferent visions of a future they should agree to clean Zaun even if in diferent direction. I love him with Heimendinher, bc it could be amazing to see a founder of Zaun learn with the next generation of leadership, let's bring the spark of empathy back to the old man, lets show what community is again for him, a tall about how disconnected he had become from what were supposed to be his people,let him give propositions and Ekko oppose them but with compromises, a paralel to Jayce in that way too.

How Jayce was the pupil that went into politics and become corrupt, Ekko is the one who is a community leader and won't be corrupt, how Heimendinher was too cautious and practical for both parties he will be opposed but know to better compromise, learn again why humanity moves fast, we do not have eternity. Where Jayce failed Ekko will thrive, and it was to make that old man learn emphaty again.

So maybe the focus of these 3 should be the future isn't?

Viktor, by his own hands, would want a evolution were no weakness are present, and by weakness I mean emotion bc... the focus of his path in season 1 was to live, he wanted to be alive to make a name for himself, to be remembered, so maybe with his close dance with death with that missile it pushes him to realize humanity never changes and even when everything could end up right and peaceful, our personal vendetta would detriment any chance of progress, hence he starts a way to fix it.

Instead of... internalized ableism, is it a interesting talk? Absolutely but you can't deny it was poorly set up, he was dieing and he wanted to not be... I'm sorry but "your imperfection is beautiful" was done better with Entrapta and Hordak from reboot Shera

Bc by lol lore that was the conflict between him and Jayce right? Viktor wanted a hive mind Jayce didn't, it was a conscious choice from both parties, so there we have a divorce arc, and sexual tension with the enemie.

So yeah

These are my thoughts mixed with what I wish it was and complains... I have no idea if I make sense or not

But hey if you got to this end thanks for reading, and hope it resonated a bit with you, if not, well shit bro I did say I was complaining.

[bixqueen]

so thanks to hboMAX my pretty little liars obsession has started up again and when i watched pll the first time all the way thru (yes sadly it’s been more than once i have a life but also don’t) my favorite character was alison. as i’ve watched it more it changed (emily or spencer is prob my fav now) but going through tumblr, instagram, and even pinterest, i feel alison gets too much shit/hate from the fandom. so here i am, making a justification for her. if you really don’t want to see my side or pov then just keep scrolling because i don’t really want to see negativity in the comments (unless you’ll actually say something, a rebuttal?)

so let’s start off with alison being a small child and her household/family. we know how her parents would manipulate her and tell her lying is better than telling the truth. she’s had these really bad influences on her at such a young age (with secrets overflowing her house) and when you continue to have these influences on you as you’re mind is maturing, of course you’re going to eventually go through with them. now yes i know the other girls also had lying parents but were any of them as bad as alisons? i mean some things spencer’s parents kept and arias but they were also older at that point (middle of high school and up). i’m not saying it’s okay but they knew at that point in their life what’s wrong and right and for the most part they had been raised to not lie. alison wasn’t. eventually her lies caught up to her as well so even though she learned the hard way to tell the truth, she eventually did.

now we’re getting into the high school stage where there were MANY points as to why she would’ve ran away. if the writers wanted a better redemption arc for her i feel they would’ve shown her a little more broken in some scenes and such but anyways. freshman year isn’t absolute hell but it’s not fun either. having the mindset of making sure you’re not the one who will get hurt obviously forces you to have this wall and makes you a lot more mean than you really are. (i really feel this was a wasted potential by the writers not going more in depth about her mental pain but shit they didn’t do it with anyone tbh). her whole life kinda had build ups to her being so secretive and closed away (again if the writers went into more depth on this we would’ve seen maybe some trauma that causes her to be closed off and push everyone away. not wanting to show weaknesses) from everyone so it definitely wasn’t hard for her to find that bitchier side and let it off on everyone, not that it’s right, it just made her feel safe and protected. a main factor of this was probably being closeted. i myself am a bisexual girl so i know how it feels to question yourself the way she most likely did. it’s scary. really fucking scary. because you don’t know if there’s something wrong with you at first or if it’s just a stage and you’ll most likely pass it. it’s why i believe her relationship with emily was why she had no big deal leaving rosewood. yes we know she was being tormented by A before the girls were and she wanted to leave so she could be safe. but even with that there would need to be some other factors that kicked in to her actually leaving. A in the beginning for JUST alison was kinda like a bully right? i mean a little more extreme than that but it wasn’t as bad as it was when it started hitting with the other 4 girls. so if alison THE alison dilaurentis was being bullied by someone too scared to show who they really are, wouldn’t she just laugh some of it off? alison WANTED to leave before mona gave her the option. she was scared. and not just of A, but of who she was. and who she loves.

if we’re looking at what alison does for emily versus the other girls while they’re being tormented by A, you can tell she cares for her more. she saved emily more than anyone else. she said leaving emily was the hardest part of it all. because alison was in love with emily, just like emily was in love with her back. obviously running away and faking your death isn’t the best option for having internal panics, some people just don’t know how to manage it. especially being the bold person everyone sees and talks about. imagine seeing her walk out of some therapy session teary-eyed. she’d feel so weak in that moment, so vulnerable. isn’t that one of her biggest fears? people seeing she’s not as strong as she comes off to be and they can use that against her. her fear for being vulnerable also brings me to her being SO scared coming back to school after faking her death. ali, the queen bee, is terrified. this kinda brings to me childhood pain (personally this is why i thought of it lol rip). maybe her family thought showing emotions was weakness you know? and when you open up they kinda laugh at you and they’re like “you think you’re life is hard?? you’re a kid.” (i’m sure i’m not the only person who’s heard this mf bullshit bedore). where i’m going with that though, is it could’ve been placed in her head at a very young age (also this is so dehumanizing and traumatic damn but it makes sense) that you have to shut out all feelings and emotions. it really makes people numb and being emotionally numb as a child and teen is dangerous for brain growth and development. makes sense why it took her forever to feel safe and okay opening up to emily about her feelings and showing emotions around the girls. when you’re seen as this “bitch” who doesn’t make down from a fight, it forces you to turn emotionless.

so the way she acted out the night she went missing and her freshman year wasn’t ideal and it really wasn’t okay. but the audience never saw what she was going through mentally, hell even after that. we see it a little when she comes back and talks about the night she went missing. imagine your own mother burrying you alive. god the trauma that must STILL have on her. being under pounds of dirts, unable to move or talk. your own mother doing this to you to save someone else. i’m not trying to put it as she’s only been through things and no one else has cus of course that’s not the case. i just think people often dismiss her pain and trauma and just say “she’s a bad person and deserves the shit she’s been through.”

i’d also like to add her type of crowd she was around wasn’t the best sort of people. imagining being a freshman and hanging out with college kids who would throw some girl down a flight of stairs. i feel like that also had an impact on her mental health and what she believed was okay to an extent because i mean verbally bullying isn’t okay but at least sis never pushed someone down the stairs 😭 (worst thing she did is definitely blinding jenna. i really don’t know how to defend her actions for that one. you could say she didn’t know anyone was in there? or that she didn’t know she had- it was a firework right?)

last point i can think of: paige vs alison. of course i have to add this lol but my main point with this is both girls were mean to each other. did alison start it by calling her names and such? most definitely. do i think paige should’ve retaliated? to an extent. but she went as far as teaming up with others to have alison go to jail for a crime she didn’t commit. their revival wasn’t just one sided and again i think people often forget that. they’re continuously like going against each other at every chance they got. it was funny but also got annoying. ali would shit talk to paiges face then paige would go whine and cry about it to emily to turn emily on her side. i mean did we forget paige manipulated emily against alison? (yes ik alison was the manipulation queen when she was younger). really what i’m going with this is that they’re more alike than they’ll admit to an extent. me personally, i like alison and emison more. i never really liked paily but paige grew less annoying in later seasons. but when comparing them, i believe paige had more damage on emily than alison did. even when alison was ‘dead’ she still saved emily’s life at times (including the other 3 girls) and did things to protect them. i don’t remember paige saving emily just trying drowning her because she was a little jealous. another thing i know someone will try to bring up about them is how “alison was never happy for emily” well shit bro neither was paige 😭 i’m on season 7 right now and there were some times paige took a liking into stalking emily while she was dating that girl who worked in the cafe (sorry i can’t remember her name rn). and when emily talked about being with that girl she was kinda like 😐 k. alison is the type to speak or show her mind while paige seems to keep to herself then shit talk others behind their back. both qualities aren’t exactly the best so both ‘sides’ can go against each other for years on this. they’re just more alike than people realize.

anyways, there’s that. if you have any opinions (WHERE YOU’LL ACTUALLY ARGUE SOMETHING AND NOT JUST SHIT TALK ME!!) feel free to leave a reply. and if i left out something you want me to add in i will :) have a good day <3

[papermoonloveslucy]

ROUGH ROAD TO TOP

August 16, 1953

(1)

One of the more famous CBS-TV shows is “I Love Lucy.” 

Its two chief characters - Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz - have had a rocky road to their present status as one of the top comedy teams in the country. 

At the end of Lucille's first year in dramatic school she was told by her teachers that she was wasting her time and money, that she would never become an actress. She was fired from all four of her first jobs as a chorus girl. Later, as a model, she almost lost her life in an automobile accident and was told she would never walk again. 

Revolution Factor 

It was a revolution in Cuba and a mishap in World War II which were fateful turns in Arnaz’ trip to stardom. The Cuban revolution destroyed his family’s wealth, drove them to the United States. World War II got him a broken kneecap in basic training, and since he had been a professional entertainer, he was placed in limited service and assigned to entertain hospitalized G.I.s'. 

Columbia Pictures gave Lucille a contract as a stock player, and, convinced that her luck finally had turned, she sent for mother, grandfather, and sister to join her in California. But, the morning after she wired her family, the studio decided to dissolve its stock company. When the family arrived, Lucille was working as an extra at Paramount.

Bit parts and extra roles in a number of pictures kept Lucille busy, but not prosperous, until she was cast in ’"Roberta.” RKO officials, impressed by her work, gave her a contract. When not busy before the cameras, she was a mainstay of the studio's Little Theater. (2)

Offered Stage Lead 

Her performance in the second lead in “The Girl from Paris" (3) drew Broadway's attention to Miss Ball and she was offered a lead in the musical "Hey Diddle Diddle.” After satisfying her yen to perform on the Great White Way (4), she returned to Hollywood for "Stage Door” and “Too Many Girls.” In the latter picture, she was costarred with Desi Arnaz. They were married Nov. 30 1940 in Greenwich, Conn.

Back from her honeymoon, Lucille walked into her first really big break a role in "The Big Street,” based on a story by Damon Runyon (5). Overnight it made her a star. 

Her first assignment at M.G.M. in 1942 was the title role in the Technicolor production "Du Barry Was a Lady” (6). Stellar roles followed in "Best Foot Forward” and "Meet the People" (7). After completing "Easy to Wed” with Van Johnson (8), she headed for New York to be with her husband, then out of the army and on his way to success in the orchestra business. 

Starred on Tour

Shortly after completing "Her Husband’s Affairs,” (9) Miss Ball went on tour as star of Elmer Rice's play "Dream Girl” (10) then worked with Sonny Tufts and Victor Mature in "Interference” for R.K.O. (11)

Lucille, Desi, arid their year-old daughter Lucy Desiree, live at Desilu, their five-acre ranch at Chatsworth, Calif. They raise cattle, chickens, dogs, and cats and dabble in farming. Enthusiastic fishermen they spend a lot of time on their boat.

Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y de Acha was born in Santiago, Cuba, son of the mayor. Desi’s mother, Dolores de Acha, was considered among the 10 most beautiful women In Latin America. 

Three ranches totaling 100,000 acres, a palatial home in the city, a private island in Santiago Bay, speedboats, a fleet of motor cars, and a racing stable were all at the command of the youthful Desi during the pre-revolutionary days. His father, after eight years as mayor of Santiago, was made a member of the Cuban congress In 1932. 

On Aug. 12, 1933, came the revolution. Congress was dissolved. Its members jailed. The Arnaz property was confiscated, the homes burned to the ground. In 24 hours everything was gone except $500 Desi's mother had hidden. Desi and mother fled to Miami, devoted the next six months to efforts to free Papa Arnaz.  from prison. They were finally reunited in Florida.

For Desi, life in these United States for several years was hard but interesting: he worked at truck driving, train yard checking, taxi driving, bookkeeping, and, of all things, bird cage cleaning. Desi’s father managed to launch an importing business. It went broke when a shipment of fruit spoiled in transit.

Show business at this point finally caught up with Desi. His first job was playing guitar and singing with a seven-piece rhumba band at Miami’s Roney-Plaza Hotel (12). Xavier Cugat (13) spotted him, was impressed with this Cuban boy who was to be dubbed "The Tempo” by critics of modem music. After a year as featured vocalist with the Cugat band, Desi organized his own group of musicians and moved into the swank La Conga Café in Miami (14). 

George Abbott's Broadway hit "Too Many Girls” (15) was Desi’s next step up the ladder, in 1939. He played a Cuban football player, one of the leads, and played tropical drums. RKO bought the film rights and signed Desi to play his stage role. When the shooting was over Desi married the leading lady, Lucille Ball.

He spent from Feb. 1943 to Nov. 1945 in the Army, after which he toured the nation with his band playing theaters, dances, night clubs. He hasn’t been without a band since. In 1948, Desi made the Columbia film "Holiday in Havana.” (16)

He made a vaudeville tour with Lucille Ball and that convinced them they’d do well as a husband-and-wife team on television. The tour inspired the CBS-TV show “I Love Lucy,” which has been highly rated since it started. (17)

Desi Arnaz’s personality is as vibrant as the music he makes. He is friendly, direct in manner, has flashing dark brown eyes and brown hair. He’s an avid fisherman, rides and swims expertly: his tennis is the envy of his San Fernando Valley neighbors, Sue and Alan Ladd, Francis Lederer, Jackie Oakie, and the Andrews Sisters. (18) A good cook, he specializes in such tempting dishes as Ginger Beef and Bouillabaisse.

#    #    #

FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) The photo is from “Be a Pal” (ILL S1;E2) aired on October 22, 1951, nearly two years earlier.  There’s one thing missing from this file photo: Vivian Vance. The success of the show was its foursome, not threesome! If you look closely you can see the hands of the other poker players, Richard Reeves (Hank, left) and Tony Michaels (Charlie, right).

(2) Lucille did several plays at the RKO Little Theatre under the direction of Lela Rogers (above), Ginger’s mom.  When Lucille later bought RKO, she dubbed it the Desilu Playhouse, a training ground for new young performers, often hand selected by Ball herself. 

(3) “That Girl from Paris” (not “The” as the article states) was Lucille’s 33rd film. The light-hearted musical romance earned an Oscar nomination for Sound Recording. It was released on the first day of 1937. 

(4) Lucille was indeed cast in the Broadway-bound comedy (it was not a musical, however) “Hey Diddle Diddle!” It opened in Princeton, New Jersey, the first of several out-of-town stops on the way to Broadway.  What Lucille’s publicity omits is that the show never got further than Washington DC due to the serious illness of its leading man, Conway Tearle. So Lucy’s Broadway debut would have to wait - until 1960!

(5) “The Big Street” opened on September 4, 1942. It was based on a Damon Runyan short story about a night club singer (Lucille) embittered by an accident that left her in a wheelchair and her romance with a naïve admirer (Henry Fonda) named Pinks. Lucy later said it was her favorite of the many films she made.  It was her 55th film. 

(6) “Du Barry Was A Lady” premiered in August 1943. It was Lucille’s  57th film, but her first for MGM.  She nabbed the role from her friend Ethel Merman, who had done the Cole Porter musical comedy on Broadway.  It was filmed in color, and was the film that earned her the nickname “Technicolor Tessie” because of her bright orange hair - a color she committed to from then on, despite her roots!  This is the film that introduced Lucy to the song “Friendship”, which she would also sing on “I Love Lucy.” 

(7) In the musical comedy “Best Foot Forward” (1943) Lucille Ball played herself.  It was her 58th film. “Meet The People” (1944) was a romantic comedy for MGM, Ball’s 60th film. 

(8) In 1946 she released her 63rd film, “Easy To Wed” co-starring Van Johnson and Esther Williams. Lucille and Van had appeared together in “Too Many Girls” and he would appear on Lucy’s television shows. 

(9) “Her Husband’s Affairs” (1947) was a romantic farce with Lucy teamed with Franchot Tone. It was her 69th film. 

(10) Back to the stage, Lucille accepted the leading role in a revival tour of “Dream Girl” a fantasy comedy by Elmer Rice. Once again, the play launched in Princeton, but this time Broadway was not the goal. It had already played the Great White Way two years earlier. The play toured the country at select cities, landing Lucille back in California in late 1947. In one SoCal gig she was appearing simultaneously with Desi and his band just a few blocks away.  No doubt this was by design. 

(11) RKO’s “Interference” was re-named “Easy Living” (1949) and dealt with the world of professional sports, namely football. It co-starred Victor Mature and Sonny Tufts. It was Ball’s 71st film. 

(12) The luxurious Roney Plaza Hotel in Miami Beach was located on the corner of Collins Avenue and 23rd Street. It opened in 1925 and was demolished in 1968. The resort attracted a who's who that included Hollywood stars and even the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. The hotel's Bamboo Room & Restaurant was the place to be seen on the Beach for decades.

(13) Xaviar Cugat (1900-1990) was a Spanish musician and bandleader who spent his formative years in Havana, Cuba. A trained violinist and arranger, he was a leading figure in the spread of Latin music. In New York City he was the leader of the resident orchestra at the Waldorf–Astoria before and after World War II.  He was a mentor and friend to Desi Arnaz, who kept his name before the public by making him a rival of Ricky Ricardo on “I Love Lucy” where his name became a punchline. In reality, Desi was grateful to Cugat, not jealous of him! 

“I learned a lot from Xavier Cugat” ~ Desi Arnaz

(14) La Conga Café was located in New York City, not Miami, although the article may be referring to a different, lesser known establishment where Desi Arnaz performed.  He became a regular headliner at La Conga, even issuing a record titled “La Conga” in 1939. 

(15) Speaking of 1939 New York, Desi appeared in his only Broadway show in 1939, Rogers and Hart’s “Too Many Girls.”  When the film rights were purchased by RKO, Desi was hired by director George Abbott to recreate his role. It was while filming this movie that he met Lucille Ball. 

(16) “Holiday in Havana” was a Columbia picture released in October 1949.  The film is about a Cuban hotel busboy (Arnaz) who dreams of becoming a composer.  His love interest was not Lucy, but Mary Hatcher. 

(17) The Tour incorporated some of the same routines seen in the “I Love Lucy” pilot as well as early episodes of the series, most notably the “Cuban Pete / Sally Sweet” duet.  The tour culminated at the Roxy in New York City, where Desi was playing when he married Lucille in 1940. 

(18) Before moving to their Beverly Hills mansion, Lucy and Desi lived on a ranch in Chatsworth in San Fernando Valley. They dubbed their ranch home Desilu.  About their neighbors: 

Alan Ladd (1913-64) was a chorus boy when Lucille was an Earl Carroll showgirl in Murder at the Vanities (1934). He was married to Sue Carol (1906-82) from 1942 until his death. Carol’s name was mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in “The Fashion Show” when Lucy selects the same Don Loper original that Carol has chosen to wear in the fashion show. She does not appear on screen. 

Francis Lederer (1899-2000) was a Hungarian-born actor. In 1960 he did an episode of Desilu’s “The Untouchables”. From 1941 until his death he was married to Marion Irvine. 

Jackie Oakie (1903-78) did four films with Lucille Ball between 1934 and 1938, including both “Annabell” movies. 

The Andrews Sisters were the pre-eliminant close-harmony girl group of their time. The consisted of Patty, Maxine, and LaVerne. They were mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in “Be a Pal” in the same scene that the photo at the top of the article came from. In 1969, Patty Andrews guest-starred as herself on “Here’s Lucy”.  Lucy and Lucie played the other two Andrews sisters. 

[crimehathnofury]

Today’s crime is a doozie. I heard this story from Bailey Sarian. If you haven’t seen her youtube channel you should. Murder and make up is her thing, and she is fabulous. I was just appalled when I heard this story. It’s about Sylvia Likens and Gertrude Baniszweski. Be prepared this is marked the worst case of torture and abuse. Let’s start, shall we?

So we start this off with a little backstory on Gertrude. Born on September 19, 1928. She was the 3rd of 6 kids. She had a close relationship with her father but not so much with her mother. When her father had died, the relationship grew even more distant. Gertrude dropped out of highschool when she was 16 and got married to her first husband, John Baniszweski. They had 4 children together. John had a violent temper and was abusive. Even though he was abusive they stayed together for 10 years. Gertrude had also gained custody of her children. Within the year of the divorce Gertrude remarried. Though it didn’t even last 3 months. Shortly after that, she remarried her first husband John. They had 2 more children and then again divorced after 7 years. Around this time, Gertrude had been dating and moved in with a man named Dennis Wright.  He abused her. She did however get pregnant twice by him. One of which was a miscarrige(probably caused because of the abuse). The other pregnancy stuck though and gave her one last child named Dennis jr. SHortly after the birth of his son. Dennis sr. abandoned Gertrude. She was left alone to raise 7 children. Her first husband somewhat helped her though checks from him were sporadic. She also suffered depression

Now a little background on Sylvia. Slyvia was born on January 3rd, 1949 in between 2 sets of fraternal twins, Daniel and Dianna (2 years older), and Benny and Jenny (1 year younger). Jenny suffered from polio causing one of her legs to be weaker and a limp. Both of her parents and all 3 brothers traveled around and sold things at carnivals, like soda and snacks. This was a very unstable life moving frequently which the parents didn’t approve of their daughters travelling with them. So they would stay with relatives, often their grandmother. Once Sylvia was a teenager she would babysit to earn some money, part of which she would send to her mother. She would also do odd jobs around the neighborhood. June 1965 Jenny and Sylvia had been staying with their parents in Indianapolis. July 3rd, their mother was arrested and put in jail for shoplifting. So when their father had a new opportunity with the carnival he made a deal with the mother of Paula, Sylvia's new friend. Paula’s mother was Gertrude. Sylvia’s father and Gertrude had made an arrangement where Jenny and Sylvia would stay with Gertrude for a 20 dollar fee and Gertrude would take care of them like they were her own children. However after a couple of weeks the payment that Gertrude was promised failed to come.  This enraged her to the point where she beat them saying “I took care of you bitches for a week for nothing.” It went from 0 to 100 am I right? Total personality change. Anyways, the abuse only got worse from there. If the Likens girls did anything Gertrude didn’t approve of like exchange glass bottles at the grocery store, she would beat them with a wooden paddle. Sadly Gertrude would then turn most of her rage towards Sylvia. It’s said that Gertrude was jealous of Sylvia’s looks and potential. This was mid August. Some of the initial abuse was starvation, beatings, and sometimes eating leftover or spoiled food from the trash. In late August Sylvia had said she had a boyfriend in Long Beach who she met in the spring of 1965. Once this was said Gertrude had asked if Sylvia had ever done anything with a boy.  When she said she had shared a bed with her boyfriend Gertrude  asked ‘why did you do that Sylvia?’ to which Sylvia said ‘I don’t know.’ 

Several days later Gertrude told Sylvia that she looked like she was getting big in the stomach and that she was pregnant. SYlvia thought she was only joking and said back that she might need to go on a diet. Gertrude then told her and the other girls in the house that if they did something with a boy they were sure to get pregnant and then kicked Sylvia in the genitals. Later during dinner Paula, who was overweight and 3 months pregnant herself, joined in abusing Sylvia by kicking her off of a chair saying ‘You’re not fit to sit in a chair.’ Also Gertrude Paula and a neighborhood boy named Randy Gordan Lepper force fed Sylvia a hot dog over done with condiments. When she vomited that up she was forced to eat that as well. Sylvia, in retaliation to being picked on she started a rumor that Paula and her sister Stephanie were prostitutes. However after a boy at school jokingly propositioned Stephanie, she came home and confronted Sylvia. Sylvia admitted to starting the rumor which prompted Stephanie to punch her. Sylvia then cried and apologized to which Stephanie also cried. But that didn’t stop her boyfriend Coy Hubbard from beating Sylvia, Slapping her and banging her head against the wall. When Gertrude found out she took her paddle and also beat Sylvia. On another occasion Paula beat Sylvia so bad she broke her wrist over Sylvia’s teeth and eyes. Gertrude would also force Jenny to hit Sylvia. Jenny of course didn’t want to but she also didn’t want to suffer either. Gertrude then would repeatedly accuse Sylvia of being promiscuous and being a prostitute.  Coy Hubbard and a few classmates would frequently visit and brutally abuse Sylvia, physically and verbally. With encouragement from Gertrude the neighborhood kids would torment Sylvia and use her for judo practices, and burn her 100 times with cigarettes. There was one time that Gertrude forced Sylvia to strip and masturbate using a coke bottle in the living room and stated that she should show her sister what she really was. Then Gertrude had forbidden Sylvia from going to school cause she had stolen a gym uniform. I mean if Gertrude had just bought her clothes maybe she wouldn’t have to steal. Gertrude then beat Sylvia for this. She also went on a rant of the evils of premarital sex and repeatedly kicked Sylvia in the genitals. Stephanie stepped in and said she didn’t do anything. Gertrude still whipped her as well as burned her fingertips with matches. A few days later, because of a stolen tennis shoe, Gertrude beat Jenny. Jenny wanted to wear that shoe on her strong foot. 

I bet you guys are wondering why the sisters didn’t try to reach out to family members. I got the answer. They were afraid. They feared that Gertrude would just make their situation worse. Their parents, whenever they could afford it, would go down and visit them. But in late August of their last visit neither girl showed any distress because they were in front of Gertrude and her kids. Once Sylvia’s parents left Gertrude just turned to Sylvia and said ‘What are you going to do Sylvia? They’re gone.’ In mid September the girls encountered their older sister Dianna. They had tried to tell her the abuse they were forced to endure, especially Sylvia, but not knowing the actual address their sister thought they were exaggerating. Weeks prior to that, Jenny and Sylvia had seen Dianna at the park. 11 year old Marie Bansizweski was also there. Sylvia had mentioned to her sister she was hungry and was given a sandwich. When the Likens sisters and Marie got home, Marie told her family about the sandwich and Gretrude and Paula proceeded to beat Sylvia for engaging in gluttony. Both then also started a scalding bath and shoved Sylvia in it to cleanse her of her sin. When Sylvia fainted Gertrude would beat her head on the bathtub to revive her. Shortly after the father of one of the neighborhood kids told the school she was attending that there was a girl with open sores living at the Baniszewski house. A nurse noting that Sylvia hadn’t been at school in a while went to check it out. Once there Gertrude claimed that she didn’t know where Sylvia was and that she was out of control. She told the nurse that Sylvia had just run away and was a bad influence on her children . Because of this the school made no  further investigations into Sylvia’s welfare. They had no idea what was happening. Dianna finally found out that her sisters were staying at the Baniszewski house she went to try and make regular contact. Gertrude told her that by permission of their parents Gertrude was allowed to not let Dianna see her sisters. By chance though she ran into little Jenny. When Dianna asked about Sylvia, Jenny said ‘I can’t tell you or I’ll get in trouble.’  Due to the increasing brutal and frequent abuse, Sylvia became incontinet. She was denied the use of the bathroom being forced to wet herself. Gertrude punished her incontinence by locking her in the basement. Sometimes Sylvia would be tied to the railing of the stairs with her feet barely touching the ground, She was also kept naked, rarely fed, and dehydrated. That was on October 6th. In weeks prior to being locked up Gertrude would falsely accuse Sylvia of insulting everyone in the family. She did this to try and goad her children into attacking Sylvia. One occasion Gertrude took a knife and told Sylvia to try and fight her. Sylvia replied saying she didn’t know how to fight. In response Gertrude would cut Sylvia’s leg. Neighborhood children were paid 5 cents to mutilate Sylvia. 5 cents? Really? Gertrude also with the help of some neighborhood kids would fill the bathtub with scalding hot water and place her in it, then would take her out and rub salt in her wounds. Also Gertrude and her 12 year old son John jr would rub feces and urine from her 1 year old son's diaper in her mouth. Then they gave her half a cup of water and said that was all she would get for the rest of the day. 

On October 22nd John jr tormented Sylvia by giving her a bowl of soup to eat. She was only allowed to eat with her hands and anytime she would try and eat it he would take it away. Gertrude said that Sylvia could start sleeping up stairs again if she had learned to not wet herself. But Gertrude whispered to Jenny to secretly give Sylvia a glass of water before bed. So when morning came and Gertrude saw that Slyvia had wet herself, Gertrude forced her to insert a glass coke bottle into her vagina in the presence of her children and was forced back into the basement. Shortly after Gertrude ordered that Sylvia go to the kitchen and then strip. Stating that Sylvia had branded her daughters and now she was to be branded. Gertrude then took a heated needle and carved I’m a prostitute and proud of it into Sylvia’s stomach. When Gertrude couldn’t finish the branding she had one of the present neighborhood children Richard Hobbs finish it for her. Then both Hobbs and 10 year old Shirely Baniszewski led Sylvia to the basement and took turns using an anchor bolt to burn the letter S under her left breast. However it looked like the number 3. Gertrude later then proceeded to taunt Sylvia saying that she’ll never get married with that brand. Then Sylvia was forced to show the carving to some neighborhood children with Gertrude saying she got it at a sex party. Later that night Sylvia had told her sister that even though Jenny didn’t want her to die, she was going to die. She could tell. The next day Gertrude forced Sylvia to write a letter to mislead her parents. Telling them that she ran away. The letter was meant to frame local boys for her murder. Gertrude then planned that she, John jr, and Jenny would blindfold Sylvia and then leave her in the forest to die. After Sylvia was done with the letter Gertrude tied her back up on the stairs in the basement. 

October 25th, Sylvia attempts to escape from the basement. She makes it to the door before Gertrude catches her. Gertrude gave Sylvia a piece of toast but due to her state of dehydration Sylvia couldn’t eat it. Then Gertrude then forced the toast into Sylvia’s mouth while beating her with a shower curtain rod till it was bent out of place. Coy Hubbard was there and took the curtain rod from Gertrude and beat Sylvia unconscious. A witness heard a commotion but when it stopped  at 3 am she didn’t call the cops. On the morning of October 26, Sylvia couldn’t speak or control her limbs. She was delirious. She tried again to escape the basement but collapsed on the stairs. Gertrude stamped on Sylvia’s head and just stared at her for a moment. Richard Hobbs came by and immediately went to the basement. He slipped on the wet stairs and fell hard to the basement where he was confronted with the sight of Stephanie crying over Sylvia’s emaciated and lacerated body. They gave her a warm bath, got her all cleaned up and took her upstairs to a bedroom. They rested her on a mattress. Stephanie turned to her little sister Shirley. Shirley said ‘Oh she’ll be alright.’  When Stephanie realized that Sylvia wasn’t breathing she tried mouth to mouth resuscitation. Sadly Sylvia had finally succumbed to her injuries. She died at 16 years old. Gertrude kept hitting Sylvia saying she was faking it; Kept calling her a faker. However she started to panic when Sylvia wasn't waking up. The police were called and at 6:30 they arrived on the scene. Gertrude had given them the note that was written by Sylvia. However Jenny whispered to them that if they could get her out of there she would tell them everything. The trial lasted 17 days but Gertrude was found guilty of 1st degree murder, Paula was found guilty of 2nd degree murder, and John jr Hobbs and Hubbard were found guilty of manslaughter. Gertrud and Paula got life imprisonment. Hobbs, Hubbard, and John jr got sentenced 2 to 21 years. This crime was marked the most horrible. I can see why. I just don’t understand how this could have happened. I wonder if they’re even sorry for what they did. 

What do you guys think? Let me know. Message me or leave a comment. Like and reblog. And if you want to continue to read the cases I go through just follow my blog. Till next time.

[elizabeethan]

Always By Your Side

Part 5/6 of It’s About Bloody Time (Season 3 Canon Divergent after Neverland). 

Catch up on Ao3 or tumblr!

Summary: “Not that,” she says, and she does roll her eyes this time. “I told them about what happened before. You know, when you left me pregnant in jail for your crime.” 

The tone she uses and the satisfaction she gets from his reaction is slightly sadistic, but when his jaw drops open and his eyes bug out, as if this is the most shocking news she could have ever told him, she can’t help but feel her pulse buzz with the sensation of sweet catharsis. 

“You did what?” he hisses.

A/N: One part to go!! The next one will likely be a bit shorter, and I'm sure you can guess what it'll consist of content wise! Thank you so much for reading, reblogging and commenting! Reading peoples' reactions is what keeps me going :) 

Anna had been brought over in the first curse. Apparently, she and her fiancé Kristoff were in the Enchanted Forest, or Misthaven, as she calls it, looking for information about her parents when the curse struck. When they didn’t return, Elsa froze her kingdom and searched for her sister for 29 years, which is apparently something that she can do.

When Elsa found Anna on a whim, working in the ice cream shop that Henry frequents, she jumped from where she was seated with Emma and Henry and nearly gave Emma a heart attack. As it turns out, Anna knew she needed help getting back home, but was too scared to ask anyone because she kept seeing the sheriffs with the Dark One and wasn’t sure where to turn. Whoops.

Now that all is well, Elsa, Anna, and Emma sit in Granny’s while Kristoff and David catch up and Henry sits at the counter with Hook. They’re considering how they might find their way back to Arendelle, but Emma can’t seem to focus on the conversation at hand.

She has been trying to muster up the courage to talk to Henry for weeks now. Killian rarely lets her forget that she’ll be starting to show very soon, constantly placing his warm hand over her 14-week, not-quite-there-yet baby bump. She wants to tell Henry, she really does, but something in her keeps stopping her. Archie says she fears that she will somehow damage their relationship, and she knows he must be right. He also agrees with Killian that this pregnancy is bringing up some unresolved trauma from her past. What a shock, she thinks.

Talking to Archie has been hard. She told him all about her past; about how she was pregnant and abandoned in prison for a crime she didn’t commit, about how she gave birth while chained to a hospital bed a couldn’t bear to look at her son. She cries a lot during their sessions together, and she knows it isn’t really pregnancy related (now that she’s officially reached her second trimester, her symptoms have been a lot less obnoxious). They’ve been working together for about a month now, and she still cries every time. But every time she starts to apologize, he stops her to thank her for letting him in and for allowing him to understand how she’s feeling. It’s weird, but she thinks she likes it. It’s... what’s the word he always uses? Validating.

“Hopefully I can get another portal working,” Elsa says, drawing Emma out of her thoughts.

Emma nods in response. Elsa finally found a clue of where her sister went when she found Princess Aurora back in the Enchanted Forest, who told her about the curse and that many people were trapped in another realm. “I’m sure you can.”

“Someone is distracted,” she says with a smirk sent Emma’s way, and she hears Anna laugh lightly in agreement.

“I don’t think she’s heard a single word we’ve said, Elsa.”

“I’m sorry,” she says in response. “You’re right, I am distracted. There’s a lot going on right now.”

Elsa nods and Anna smiles sweetly to her, taking a sip from her mug. It’s started to get really chilly out with Christmas just two weeks away, so Emma has successfully turned her new friends on to the wonder that is hot chocolate. “You still haven’t talked to your son, have you?”

Emma smiles softly, briefly, and shakes her head. She and Elsa have become fast friends since they met several weeks ago, and she finds that Elsa can read her almost as well as Killian can. “No,” she says. “I still don’t know how.”

“Well,” Elsa starts, reaching across the table and taking Emma’s hands in hers. “I suppose I don’t know much about your situation. I’ve never been pregnant, and I don’t have any children, but I am the daughter of parents who neglected to tell me the truth for much of my life. Trust me when I say it would have been better for me if they had told me the truth.”

Emma nods, shooting another glance at Henry. He’s laughing at something Killian said, and Killian’s eyes are lighting up as if he’s happier than he’s ever been. “You’re right. I know I have to tell him eventually. I can’t exactly keep hiding it.” As if on instinct, she removes one hand from Elsa’s and reaches it down to rest it against her miniscule bump concealed by a thick sweater.

Much later that night, she finds herself in bed with her pirate again, his hand running soothingly up and down along her the bare skin of her belly as she nestles her back against his front. He continues to press soft kisses against the back of her neck, his nose nuzzling behind her ear, drawing a breathy laugh from her every so often.

“You’re growing, love. Every day the little blob gets bigger and bigger, and soon I’ll finally be able to see him.”

“Or her,” she amends, hoping to keep an open mind. She corrects him pretty often when he mentions the baby being a boy, but in reality, she thinks it’s a boy, too.

“Aye,” he says, kissing her neck again. “Tuesday will be 15 weeks. The applications say you should be getting bigger now that you’re feeling better and the baby is growing more. She’ll be the size of a pear.”

“Apps,” she says with a laugh as she squeezes his hand. “You're cute. And I am getting bigger. I think I have a bump, it’s just hard to distinguish it from regular bloating.”

He hums. “You're rather slight to begin with, love. I believe soon you’ll start to show much more, if the apps are correct.”

“Slight?” she laughs.

“Slim, slender, small,” he says, trailing off and obviously attempting to not offend her.

“Mhmm,” she says. “I was small with Henry, too, but I was probably a bit malnourished.”

“Well, we won’t allow that, now will we, Swan? Perhaps I should go and get you some fruit? You may need it to revive yourself after all that vigorous lovemaking.”

She snorts, reaching behind her to pinch the skin of his hip.

“I would like some fruit, actually. And some Cheez-Its.”

“Sounds like a nice compromise, darling. I’ll be back shortly,” he says, standing and exposing his bare ass to her. She reaches for it quickly and pinches him again, drawing a yelp from him as he leaves the room.

She rolls over onto her back once he leaves, glancing down at her belly and stroking it in small, soft circles. He’s right, she is going to start getting bigger very soon, and it’ll become harder and harder to hide. With this knowledge, she’s faced with the truth: she’ll need to tell Henry, and soon.

~~~~

A week later, when she finally breaks down and realizes that she needs to buy new jeans, she accepts the fact that it’s time. Henry has to know, no matter how he may react. This should be one hell of a Christmas present for him.

She picks him up from Regina’s on Sunday morning, promising him breakfast and cocoa from Granny’s. The moment he hops into the car, she can tell that he’s in a good mood.

“Hey kid,” she says with a smile as he bounces into his seat.

“Hey mom!”

“You're in a good mood today,” she points out.

“Yeah, my mom and dad have been talking about Christmas. I might be getting two Christmases this year!”

“Oh,” she starts, startled by his exclamation as she pulls out of Regina’s driveway. “you mean with Regina and your dad? Because you can spend Christmas with me and your grandparents, too.”

“Really?�� The excitement in his voice is more than evident. “Awesome! That’s three Christmases!”

“Yeah.” She smiles over at him, hopeful that his good mood will extend as they arrive at Granny’s. “Come on, kid. Let’s get some waffles, I’ve been craving them all week. And nothing is gonna keep me away from Granny’s hot chocolate now that I can finally drink it again.”

“What do you mean, again?”

Oops. She falters, then says, “nothing, come on.”

Once they're inside and seated, Ruby brings over a mug for Henry and gives Emma a look, as if asking if she wants any, and Emma nods.

“So,” she finally says, once they have full plates set in front of them. “We need to talk.”

He clears his throat around his too-big bite of waffle and looks up at her, his eyes wide. “Am I in trouble?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “No, you're not in trouble, kid. Just… it’s just that things are changing around here, and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“You mean like you dating Captain Hook?”

“Yeah,” she says tentatively. “Sort of like that; I guess this relates to that.”

“Okay… so what is it? Is this about my dad? I know you guys aren’t together, you know.”

“No, I know. It's not that either, Henry. It’s… I’m… Hook and I…” She inhales more deeply than she knew she could, reaching down to her mug and taking a long sip.

“Mom, whatever’s going on, it’s okay.”

She smiles up at him. Leave it up to her kid to be more mature than her. “Henry… you're going to be… you're going to be a big brother,” she finally spits out before immediately going back to her hot chocolate, her ability to look him in the eye failing her.

“Wait… you mean…?”

“I’m going to have a baby. In June.”

She still can’t look at him, still hides behind her mug, but when he speaks, she thinks she can hear a smile in his voice. “Really?”

When she finally finds it in herself to look up, she does see a smile gracing his face. “Yeah,” she says, matching his expression with her own.

“I’m gonna be a big brother,” he confirms.

“Yeah, you are, kid.”

He laughs now, standing up and walking around the table to sit on his knees next to her in the booth, wrapping her in a hug. “This is awesome!” he says into her ear, and she swears she feels tears stinging the back of her eyes, even though she thought she was past this particular symptom.

“You really think so?”

“Yeah! Of course! Is it a boy or a girl?”

“I don’t know yet,” she grins. “We can find out in a few weeks when I go to the doctor.” His face is still alight, and she’s in awe of his reaction. “Henry,” she breathes out, shaking her head. “Are you sure you're… alright with this?”

His draws his brows together, as she often does, and cocks his head to the side. “Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, because of…” she starts, looking down from his eyes again and reaching for her mug. “Because of what happened. Because of what I did—when I had you.” She’s surprised at herself for even getting the words out, and she thinks that Archie will be proud of her when she sees him on Wednesday.

“Mom, I thought we talked about this when you came to Storybrooke? I know why you did that.”

She nods, still in awe of his maturity. “I know, but I didn’t want you to think that I'm replacing you. This baby wasn’t planned or anything, but… well, we’re planning on keeping him or her. And I don’t want to make you feel…”

He takes her hand in his, and she finally finds it in herself to look up at him, to meet his eyes with hers, and she sees joy. “You gave me up to give me my best chance. You were in jail; you couldn’t have raised me. But now you're happy and you're in a good place. Don’t you know what that means?” She shakes her head, feeling more childish than her own child. “It means that you're this baby’s best chance now.”

She does feel tears burning her eyes now, the heat of them dripping down onto her cheeks at the sound of his words. “Henry,” she starts, choking on words before they can leave her tongue.

“I’m not a kid anymore, mom. I know that things have changed between now and when you had me.”

She lets out a breath, finding it hard not to laugh at the wise words coming from her son. “You are perceptive, aren’t you?”

“Well, my mom is a bail bondsperson, I guess it runs in the family.”

~~~~

Emma Swan was never very fond of Christmas. Normally viewed as a holiday spent with family, Christmas has been a dark mark on Emma’s past for as long as she could remember. Although she was in Storybrooke last year, she had only arrived a few weeks prior and the curse was not yet broken, so there wasn’t much celebration taking place. The obvious lack of decorations and Christmas spirit should have struck her as odd, but she didn’t think much of it at the time. Now, she realizes that no one who grew up in the Enchanted Forest celebrated the religious holiday. However, now that she’s here and her parents remember her, they are determined to give her a happy holiday season.

They plan to spend Christmas day together tomorrow, but for tonight, she and Killian will be spending Christmas Eve alone in his apartment, and they start by decorating a tree. Killian is determined to give her an authentic Christmas experience as well, and so far, he’s delivering.

He curses as he rounds the tree over and over, trying his hardest to string the lights properly as she stands off to the side and holds the strands for him. “Bloody hell,” he says as he gets stuck with another needle. “Wasn’t there an option for a non-living tree? That might not hurt quite as much.”

“This is my first real Christmas, Killian. I need to have a real tree.”

“The whole tree tradition seems silly to me,” he counters as he pokes his head out from behind again, the lights finally reaching the top.

“That’s because you keep getting poked.”

“Aye, well, perhaps the task would be easier for someone with two hands.”

She rolls her eyes with a soft laugh. “Come on, I have never heard you use that as an excuse, don’t start now.”

He rolls his eyes too, smirking over at her as he takes a box of red and blue ornaments from her, balancing it on his left arm and hanging them with his right. If there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s compensating for his missing hand.

Once the tree is filled with colorful balls and lit with twinkling white lights, they make their way to the kitchen to work on making cookies, and it takes everything in Emma not to eat the dough each time she breaks a piece off. She elected to buy both the kinds decorated with reindeer and with Santa, figuring the more the merrier.

“These are horrible for you, Swan. The amount of sugar…”

“They're sugar cookies!”

“There’s absolutely no nutritional value. Perhaps we shouldn’t have bought two packages.”

She rolls her eyes again as she opens the hot oven and places the tray inside, trading it for a batch of freshly baked treats. The smells wafts over her nose and fills his kitchen, making her mouth water.

“Please, I plan on eating so many of these that I give birth to a gingerbread baby,” she deadpans to him, pulling a cookie from the parchment and tossing it from one hand to another in hopes of cooling it down before hoisting herself onto the counter.

“That makes no sense, love. You just told me these are sugar cookies, why would you have gingerbread?”

“It’s a children’s book,” she says, grinning to him as she finally takes a bite, saying a quick goodbye to poor Rudolph.

He chuckles, rounding the corning so that he was standing between her knees and placing a hand against her waist. “Perhaps the little love will enjoy that story.”

She giggles—actually giggles—as she presses a soft kiss to his lips. God, she is so gone for him, it’s scary. “Perhaps.”

With his hand running up and down along her waist, finally landing on her ass, he pulls her to the edge of the counter so that she can feel the heat of him against her center through her leggings.

“We don’t have time to do this before the movie comes on,” she reminds him as his soft lips trail along the length of her neck.

“Hmm,” he hums, “perhaps not, but I think it may be worth it.”

She groans when he nips at her ear lobe, then traces the line of her pulse with his tongue. “After.”

He backs away slightly, letting out a sigh and pecking her on the tip of her nose. “As you wish, darling, but I hope you're prepared for what’s to come after this wonderful movie.”

“It’s called It’s a Wonderful Life, you don’t have to be sarcastic,” she says with a laugh, taking his hand and hopping off of the counter. He heads over to the couch and fetches her favorite throw blanket while she takes the last tray of cookies from the oven, then places the cooler ones on a plate and carries them to the couch.

“Sorry, love, I don’t want you to think I’m not happy to be here doing this with you. I’m honored that you wanted to celebrate with me.”

“Well,” she starts, plopping down next to him as he wraps the blanket around her tightly. “You are my baby daddy. I suppose there isn’t anyone else available who I’d rather spend my evening with.”

“Ah, so I’m the best available option, is that it?” he asks with a laugh, squeezing her tightly in his arms and pressing a firm and lingering kiss to her temple.

“Yes, well, my son is with his mother.”

“I’m only teasing, darling. I am truly glad to have you here this evening. And evidently, this film is a classic, or so my baby mama will have me believe.”

She turns her head, unable to move much in the security of his arms and draws her brows tightly together. “Where the hell did you hear that?”

“Our dear friend, Ruby,” he says as the commercial ends and the movie starts. “She asked me this morning how my baby mama was feeling today.”

“I never told her,” she mumbles.

“According to her, she’s very perceptive, and you're horrible at hiding it.”

“Shit.”

“The little peach will be able to hear us soon, Swan, if they can’t already; we may need to find new vocabulary.”

She scoffs, unsure of her ability to not swear, especially during labor and delivery, and turns her focus back onto the movie.

Killian seems to like it, and Emma assumes that it’s slightly easier for him to watch because of the lack of twenty-first century technology getting in his way. She’s always had a soft spot for the film, perhaps because she always hoped to find her family. She knew that she wouldn’t take advantage of it like George Bailey did.

He runs his hand up and down her arm when she cries at the end, kissing her temple and her ear. “That was sweet,” he says as the credits begin to roll.

“It was always my favorite. They based Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street on those characters, you know.”

“I don’t know what that means,” he whispers against her hair, and she feels another kiss against the crown of her head.

“You will in a year or two, trust me.” He chuckles and she turns in his arms so that she’s facing him. “I got you something.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Swan,” he argues, but she’s standing anyway, struggling slightly with her hips and back aching after sitting for so long. She heads for his coat closet and returns with a few wrapped rectangles, thrusting them towards him as she plops back down.

He looks to her before peeling the tape away from one of them, unwrapping them carefully and not even tearing the paper. It threatens to drive her insane, but it’s so painfully Killian.

When he finally removes the festive paper, he smiles at the sight of the book’s cover art. “Peter Pan, why the bloody hell would I want to read this,” he says jokingly through a laugh, hugging her into his side and kissing her cheek.

“It’s more of a gag gift, I thought you might want to learn about this world’s depiction of you. The others are probably going to be more enjoyable.” He opens the other two, revealing Treasure Island and Robinson Crusoe. “They're pirate books,” she explains. “There are movies you might like, too, but I thought you’d want to start with the books.”

“Aye, love, I’d love to. I look forward to reading them.” He kisses her softly, his tongue slipping along her bottom lip. “Thank you, love,” he nearly whispers, his voice rough and deep.

“It’s nothing,” she breathes out, overwhelmed by the gravel in his voice.

“It was a wonderful gesture,” he kisses her once more. “I got you something as well.”

She shakes her head, but he catches her jaw in his hand and kisses her again before standing and making his way to his bedroom. He returns quickly with a giftbag stuffed with tissue paper.

“Did you have help wrapping this?” she grins.

“Aye, Granny gave me a hand.”

She laughs at the picture in her head and takes the bag as he hands it to her. She removes some of the tissue and pulls out a maroon leather jacket, drawing a grin along her face. “I don’t have one in this color,” she points out, looking up at him and cocking her head to the side.

“There’s more in the bag, love.”

She looks down again, her attention being brought back to the gift bag as she digs her hand in deeper and feels more leather near the bottom. She pulls gently, expecting it to come out with more difficulty than it does. When she removes the item, she realizes it’s because she wasn’t tugging on a leather jacket made for a fully-grown woman.

What she pulls out of the bag instead is a tiny leather jacket, the same color as the one that was just gifted to her. A matching leather jacket for a matching tiny human.

“Killian,” she says, her grin somehow growing and her cheeks burning. “This is… this is so adorable.” She’s laughing as she holds the jacket up again, then she stands and holds it up against her tiny bump. “It’s perfect, look!”

He’s laughing now too, standing with her and placing his hand on her belly. “I’m glad you like it, love.”

“I do, I love it,” she says, nodding and looking up at him. Without thinking, she places the jacket back down on the couch and reaches her arms around his neck to link her hands in his hair, pulling him down to her for a soft kiss that eventually turns heated when his tongue runs along hers.

Before she knows it, her legs are around his waist and he’s carrying her out of the living room and down the hall before gently laying her down on his king-sized bed. It was certainly an improvement from his small bunk on the Jolly Roger, and if she thought she was sleeping well there, she had a new thing coming when she started sleeping here.

He trails his lips along her body, lifting her to remove her festive sweater and kiss along the cleavage peeking out of her bra. She lifts again, undoing the hooks for him and releasing her breasts for him to ravage before he trails his lips and teeth and tongue down to her belly, pressing soft and loving kisses along the slight swell of skin before reaching to remove her leggings.

His tongue dances along her clit for several moments before he adds two fingers, drawing her to her peak quickly as he sucks and nips at her sensitive skin. She tugs on his hair, begging him to meet her lips with his before he’s pulling his clothes off and sinking into her tenderly. His thrusts are gentle yet precise, and she’s nearly driven mad at the feel of his scruffy face dragging along the sensitive skin of her neck. He continues to drive into her, reaching his hand down to where they're joined to rub quick circles against her aching clit, drawing moans and screams from her parted lips as she finally flutters and clenches around his throbbing cock.

It’s as he finishes, his face buried into her neck just below her ear, his hand squeezing hers above her head as her other scratches marks into his back, that she hears it. His lips press against her neck as he lets out moans and words of encouragement before she hears him whisper, “I love you,” into her sensitive skin.

She’s in a post-coital daze, but she knows she doesn’t imagine it. She knows she heard it without a doubt in her mind, and although her breath catches and her body tenses, her heart still beating rapidly, she doesn’t pull away from him. She doesn’t try to run.

“Fuck,” he whispers, and she knows that he didn’t mean to let it slip. “I’m—” he starts, but he doesn’t seem to have anything to say.

“Killian,” she whispers, running her hands along his back and through his hair. “It’s alright.”

“I didn’t, uh,” he starts, perhaps suddenly realizing that he’s still inside her as he presses his body up from hers and reaches for the box of tissues by the bed. “I didn’t exactly mean to let that out just then.”

“I figured,” she says with a smile, accepting the tissue he hands her and cleaning herself up.

“It wasn’t exactly… how I’d planned to tell you. But… Emma, you must know that I meant it.”

Now she panics slightly, a bit surprised at herself for only becoming scared once she receives confirmation that this is, in fact, how he feels. “You did?”

“Aye, very much so. I realize that you may not be ready to say it back, which is why I wasn’t going to say it any time soon, but…” he trails off, still struggling to make eye contact with her, which she doesn’t mind. He takes the tissues from her and tosses them into the bin before taking a seat next to her. “I don’t expect you to say it back. But I need you to know that I meant it. And it’s not just because of the babe. He’s certainly helped to… solidify things… but how I feel is independent of this little bugger.”

She considers this. Considers saying something in response. It would be the emotionally mature thing to do, and she’s certainly been working on her emotional maturity lately. But she has no idea what to say, and now she’s starting to think about how she truly feels about him. About how he truly feels about her. Now, she’s starting to worry that she may love him too.

Is worry the right word?

Before she can say anything, she feels a soft flutter in her stomach, as if she’s the host to a flock butterflies and they're trying to take off. She immediately lets her eyes bug out, reaching down to her belly and pressing softly into it in hopes that she’ll feel more. “Killian,” she says, pulling on his hand and placing it under hers. It’s silly, she knows; he can’t feel anything yet. But she wants him to be a part of this. “I felt him.”

“He moved?” he asks with a smile thick in his voice.

“He was fluttering just a second ago,” she responds, grinning as she looks at him with tears in her eyes. “You won’t be able to feel it yet, but…”

“Aye,” he whispers, finally meeting her eyes with his glassy ones. He leans in to press another kiss to her lips before leaning down and kissing her belly. He whispers, “nice to hear from you, little one,” before kissing her skin again.

She laughs through her tears and squeezes his hand as it rests against their growing baby. She can’t bring herself to say anything to him yet. They haven’t even been together for very long, only about four months. Is that even enough time for someone to fall in love with someone else? With her?

She thinks of what Archie would say when she starts to doubt herself and whether she’s deserving of the love of another, using the skills he’s been teaching her to challenge her negative thoughts, then focuses back on her child and its father. Whether or not she thinks of herself as deserving of his love, or capable of loving him back, she sleeps soundly with the knowledge that she and Killian are both madly in love with the life they’ve created together.

~~~~

Emma Swan has never fully been able to relate to the term “like a kid on Christmas morning,” until she woke up on Christmas morning to Killian Jones with his head between her legs. That comparison may be slightly disturbed, but the feeling she’s experiencing now must be on par with how a child feels when they wake up to their dreams coming true.

He was determined to make this holiday season a good one for her, and so far, he’s off to a great start.

Her hips start to jolt upwards, and he reaches his hand up and places it gently on her belly to still her before he laces his fingers with hers. He continues to draw thick strips between her folds, the sounds coming from him absolutely sinister and drawing loud moans from her lips. His tongue zips from side to side over her clit before he starts sucking it into his mouth and releasing it with a pop, making her hips jump again.

Eventually, she drags their hands downward so that she can let go and lace her fingers through his hair once his own reach her opening and press inside. He doesn’t bother to tease her open with just one, seemingly able to read that she’s more than ready to take two of his thick fingers. He may regret letting go of her hips as she moves them with ferocity against his face and fingers, but it doesn’t seem like he minds as she feels the low buzz of his moans.  

He makes her come so hard that, once she feels herself becoming lucid again, she starts laughing. It’s a soft chuckle at first, but then it morphs into uncontrollable hysterics until her eyes are watering and her face is red and hot. He starts laughing too, wiping his mouth and scooting himself up to her level to lie down and comb through the ends of her messy hair with his fingers.

“What’s funny, love?”

“I don’t know,” she laughs again. “I guess I was just thinking about what a nice Christmas present that was.” She’s laughed so hard now that she begins to cough, and he reaches towards the side of the bed and hands her a bottle of water.

“Glad you enjoyed,” he says with a smirk and a kiss to the tip of her nose as she hums out another laugh.

“I’m nervous,” she finally says once she’s settled down, sinking back into the thick comforter and into the warmth of his arms.

“For dinner? I thought things were better with your family now that you’ve spoken to your parents?”

She hums, nodding into his shoulder and turning onto her side, slotting her leg over his hips to hold onto him like a koala. “They are, but my mom invited Neal and Regina, plus Granny and Ruby. I get why—she wanted to make it feel like a true family dinner for Henry. But I still don’t really want to face Neal.”

He sighs, his blunted arm running gently along her bare back and his fingers tracing patterns into the back of her hand, and says, “you can still be upset, love. I’m not particularly fond of the idea myself, but you're right. It is a good idea for Henry’s sake.”

“You're always thinking about him,” she sighs, kissing his neck where she can reach it.

“Only because I’m always thinking about you.”

“Cheese,” she says, pinching the skin on his side, just above a rather nasty-looking scar.

Once they're showered and dressed festively, they head over to Mary Margaret and David’s loft for dinner. She never did understand the concept of calling it dinner, since they arrived at noon and they’ll likely eat at one-thirty, but she lets it slide. She’s realizing that there are a lot of things about Christmas that she doesn’t understand, but she’s trying to roll with it.

The loft is decorated to the nines, covered from floor to ceiling in red and gold. The tree is sitting in the corner by the stairs, and it’s so tall that it almost reaches the second level, and Emma wonders how on earth they got it up the stairs and through the door. It looks beautiful, as if it should be featured in a magazine that she sees at the dentist office.

Mary Margaret, dressed in a red and gold sweater and black skirt and covered with an apron that makes her look like an elf, rushes over to the door when they arrive and embraces the two of them in a warm hug. “I’m so happy to see you both!” she exclaims excitedly into Emma’s hair. She returns her hug with one arm, smiling despite herself.

“Me too,” Emma responds truthfully with a small squeeze.

“Killian, you look positively dashing in red,” she says to him, taking in his royal red vest and making his cheeks turn pink. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him wear it, and when she found it in the closet and insisted that he put it on, he cringed and groaned and argued. But when he pulled it over his black button down, she grinned in a way that must have broken him down. “And look at you, Emma! You look so beautiful in emerald.”

“Thank you,” she says softly, pulling away and brushing down the front of her figure-hugging cowlneck dress and making her way towards the stool at the counter. “Where’s David?”

“Oh, he forgot to get the champagne yesterday, so I sent him out for it. I also asked him to get some sparkling cider for you, Emma, so you can be part of the toast.”

She laughs lightly, feeling Killian’s arm resting along the top of her shoulders and his body sliding to her left. “Thanks.”

Her father comes home, giving her a tight hug and shaking Killian’s hand before wishing them both a Merry Christmas. When Henry finally arrives with Regina, she grins at the outfit she has him in. He’s wearing a black three-piece suit with an emerald tie that perfectly matches Emma’s sweater dress, and she couldn’t have planned something better. “Hey kid,” she says, reaching out to him for a tight hug.

“Hi mom,” he says into her shoulder. “Merry Christmas.”

They separate a bit, and she takes his face in her hands and looks at him lovingly before reaching up to gently feel his gel-cast hair and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. He looks like a tiny gentleman and her hormonal heart can’t handle it. “You look so handsome, Henry.”

He puts his arms out at his side and spins. “Thanks. Do you like my new suit? My dad helped pick it out.”

Ugh, she thinks, before shoving the thought to the back of her mind for the sake of her son. “He did great.”

“And look, the tie matches you!”

She nods back at him with a grin before kissing his forehead once more and releasing him, determined not to press her luck with the amount of affection he allows her to show. He is nearly a pre-teen, after all.

Plus, soon enough, she’ll have another kid to dote over.

She grins at that thought.

Ruby and Granny arrive soon after, both giving her a hug. Granny surprisingly hugs Killian first, although he doesn’t seem that taken aback by the gesture, then comes to Emma and runs a hand over her belly briefly and shooting her a sweet smile. It’s as if the world has shifted on its axis.

Regina walks over to her, much to her continued surprise, and wishes her a Merry Christmas. She thanks Emma for letting Henry spend the night at her house, telling her that he had a great time eating sweets and watching Elf, and that he was very excited to come down the stairs to presents under the tree this morning. “Well, I suppose that congratulations are in order,” she says somewhat awkwardly, finally making eye contact with Killian before turning back to Emma and glancing down for a moment.

“Oh,” Emma says in surprise. “You heard.”

“Henry told me.” Emma almost makes a snarky comment about being surprised that Neal didn’t spill the beans. “You should know that he’s veryexcited.”

Emma smiles and Killian squeezes her knee as if to say I told you so, Swan. “He is?”

“Oh, yes. He thinks that he’s going to have a baby sister.”

Emma feels a grin splitting her face at that, and suddenly feels overwhelmed by the image of Henry holding a tiny pink bundle, leaning down to kiss her nose, talking to her about magic and curses and fairy tales. “Thank you,” she says after a moment. “That’s… very comforting.”

“Yes, well…” Regina trails off, stiffening again and pursing her red-stained lips. “Best wishes to you both.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Killian says diplomatically.

When Neal arrives, Emma wishes she could indulge in some champagne like the rest of the adults in the room.

Watching him with Henry is reassuring, at least. He’s proven himself to be a fairly devoted father, now that he’s in his son’s life, and she knows that she can’t hold their past over his head forever. She also knows that she isn’t ready to fully forgive him yet, but she can put their history to the side for the sake of their son… today.

At least, that’s what she had hoped, until he came up to her and put his hand on her shoulder, making her flinch. “Hey, Ems,” he says, miraculously able to read her body language and removing his hand.

“Hey.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Yeah, thanks. You too.” She glances down at her flute of cider, wishing again that she could magically turn it into champagne to take some of the edge off.

“You look great.” She sighs, fighting the urge to roll her eyes, and instead doesn’t give him a response. “Emma, look. Since the pirate seems to finally be out of earshot, I wanted to come over and talk to you.”

She feels the heat of anger burning through her veins, her eye twitching and her fingers clenching firmly on her glass at his judgmental remark. “You're not off to a great start,” she says stiffly.

“Sorry, that was rude, I guess. What I meant was, I wanted to talk to you privately.”

“Okay,” she says tentatively. “What is it?”

He takes in a breath and lets it out roughly, taking a seat in the empty stool to her right. “I wanted to apologize. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I realized how stupid and selfish I was of me to go to you like I did. And for me to assume that the baby was mine. Like, that was really stupid.”

“Yeah, it was,” she agrees, not feeling like sugarcoating it. He’s right, it was stupid and selfish. Like, extremely stupid.

He laughs lightly, which only serves to piss her off more, and continues. “I guess I just got really jealous. I thought you and I could have worked out eventually, and he said he’s back off. I mean, we have a kid together,” he says with a laugh.

“Right, we do, and that’s great. But now I’m having a kid with someone else and you and I are over. We’ve been over for twelve years.”

“Yeah. I know that now. I'm sorry, Ems.”

She nods, still struggling to look him in the eye. It’s not exactly what she wanted to hear from him, but she supposes it’s a start. “I appreciate your apology, Neal, but I’m still gonna need some time. I can’t just forget about everything overnight.”

“I know, I know. Take your time. Just know that I’m here for you and Henry for whatever either of you need.”

She wants to roll her eyes. What could she possibly need from him? Henry, sure. She’s glad that he wants to be there for him. But her? He’s just being pompous. He’s probably expecting Killian to walk out on her the same way he did.

“Hey, are your parents okay? They seem kind of off today.”

She almost smiles, but fights it back, not wanting to be petty on Christmas. “They seem fine to me.”

“Well, I don’t know why it would just be me.”

Screw it, she thinks. “Maybe it’s because I told them about what happened between us.”

“Well, your mom knows I thought the baby was mine.”

“Not that,” she says, and she does roll her eyes this time. The idea that he genuinely thought that this baby could have been his still astounds her, the idiot. “I told them about what happened before. You know, when you left me pregnant in jail for your crime.”

The tone she uses and the satisfaction she gets from his reaction is slightly sadistic, but when his jaw drops open and his eyes bug out, as if this is the most shocking news she could have ever told him, she can’t help but feel her pulse buzz with the sensation of sweet catharsis.

“You did what?” he hisses.

“Oh, I told them what happened.”

“Why? You know I didn’t have a choice!”

She hums, still looking down at her hands and trying hard to fight the smile. “If you didn’t have a choice, then there shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“You're still making me look bad to my kid’s grandparents,” he spits out in a low tone.

“Oh, I’m making you look bad?” He’s triggered something in her now, making her whip her head in his direction and raise her voice just a touch too high. “It’s just like I said. If you didn’t have a choice, then your conscience should be clear. Doesn’t that mean you did nothing wrong?”

Before he has a chance to respond, Mary Margaret calls everyone to the table. She certainly would have continued to argue with him, but she keeps the spirit of Christmas alive in her mind.

Unlike the last time the entire family was sat around this table, her assigned seat is next to Killian’s. She also has Henry on her right, so she thinks she couldn’t be more pleased with the arrangement until Neal takes his seat across from her. It’s alright, though, she’s focusing on a positive attitude today, for the sake of their son.

“Before we begin,” David says, standing up once everyone has found their seats. “I wanted to propose a toast. Firstly, to Henry, for spending his first Christmas with his family, sans curse. The same could be said for Emma as well,” he lifts his glass and everyone at the table does the same, murmuring in agreement and passing around smiles. “I also wanted to say a thank you to my lovely wife, Snow, for graciously hosting this dinner for our family.” More murmurs and raised glasses. “And I believe she has something to say here as well?”

Mary Margaret stands now, holding her glass but not raising it quite yet, and each person at the table turns to face her. “Thank you, honey. I wanted to say a few words to Emma and Killian.” In surprise, Emma purses her lips and cocks up an eyebrow. “As I believe everyone here is aware, the two of them are expecting a baby in the middle of June.” She sees Ruby and Granny smirking at her from across the table. “When I first heard the news, I was surprised, and I didn’t handle it very well.” Mary Margaret is looking squarely at the two of them, and Emma thinks she can see her eyes glassing over as she speaks. “I wanted to say, to my daughter, I feel so much joy when I think about you having another child. I’m so sorry that my response at first wasn’t anywhere near what it should have been, especially coming from your mother. Now that I’ve gotten over the shock, I hope to support you in any way that I can. I cannot wait to meet my grandbaby and to see you as a mother again.” Emma’s eyes sting now as she smiles up at her.

“And to Hook…” she swallows, clearing her throat before continuing. “To Killian, thank you. I can see clearly now the way that you treat our daughter—like the princess that she is.” She chuckles a bit before continuing. “This pregnancy may not have been planned in the slightest, but the amount of love and respect you have for Emma is palpable each time I see the two of you together.” She smiles at each of them before going on. “I also wanted to apologize to him. David and I were not exactly accepting of him when we first heard the news, myself especially. But, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that everyone deserves a second chance. And if there’s one person I know who has proven himself deserving of a second chance, it’s you. If the way that you treat my daughter is any indication, you will be a wonderful father.” She’s looking directly at him when she raises her glass, adorning him with a soft grin as a tear slips from her eye. Emma squeezes his knee this time, feeling the tears burning her eyes and heating up her cheeks as they fall.

“To Emma and Killian,” David takes over. “May their baby be healthy and happy, wanting for nothing.” Each person at the table brings their glasses to the center, clinking them together and giving her and Killian soft smiles. She doesn’t bother to look in Neal’s direction. “Now, let’s eat!”

~~~~

The weeks fly by, the new year coming and going, and before they know it, it’s the middle of January and Emma is twenty weeks pregnant. Killian was right when he said she would start to show soon—her belly has grown into a formidable bump, and the two of them can’t seem to stop themselves from touching it whenever they can.

She really needs him to stop touching it now, though, because she knows the ultrasound technician will be in any moment and she doesn’t want them to walk in on him tickling her like he is now.

Her symptoms have been relatively easy since starting the second trimester, the worst of them being the cramps she gets in her legs and her near debilitating heartburn. She remembers the heartburn from her pregnancy with Henry, but the muscle cramps are worse than she can recall. She’s been dealing with heartburn by eating small meals pretty frequently, and she finds herself to be hungry very frequently now that her horrible morning sickness is finally at bay. According to Killian's applications, she's gained a healthy amount of weight so far.

The anatomy scan is important and exciting, though they still haven’t decided if they want to know the sex. She’s looking forward to seeing the baby again and learning about its growth and development, hopeful that everything is going as it should. They’ve had many conversations back and forth, but they can’t seem to come to a conclusion on whether they should find out what, or who, she’s carrying.

They both sort of suspect that she’s having a boy, although they have absolutely no reasoning behind their thoughts. Henry is convinced that he’s going to have a baby sister, and she’s considering finding out just for him.

When the sonographer arrives, Killian sits back, finally moving to stop annoying her. She greets them happily, asks how things are going, and reaches for the cold gel before applying it to her bare bump. She scans the wand over her belly, showing them the baby’s face and body and organs as she notes things down and takes measurements. The process is a long one, and it seems to take hours of rubbing and pressing and Emma turning from side to side before she finally gets all of the information she needs.

“I can see the sex of your baby— very easily. This little one is not very shy! Are you two interested in knowing what you're having?”

They look at each other and she shrugs and smiles. She genuinely doesn’t know, and now that it’s time to come to a decision, she can’t see to make one.

“If you’re having trouble deciding, I can write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope.”

Killian laughs and squeezes her hand, looking back over to the screen at the baby’s round face and perfectly sloped nose. “I like that idea, love,” he says to her, and she nods.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Once they're home—or should she say, back at Killian’s place— she takes the yellow envelope from her pocket and places it on the kitchen table. Maybe they’ll have some elaborate announcement or maybe she’ll just rip the envelope open one day, unable to wait any longer. Whatever they decide, she knows it’ll be perfect.

~~~~

~~~~

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[gottalovelifeya]

So I've read that twice now, and I'm still trying to figure it out, and something I can't figure out is, is there even a chance at all or am I still just being my optimistic self, I think I need to start trying to abandon that idea, becuse as it stands I'm not going to loose my retirement or go to jail becuse than, there's no future with her or just at all period, I'm just trying to not give the impression that I don't want her or I life's great now, but I mean it's literally all on her at this point, and I don't know what all she has going on and honestly for once I don't want to know, but I need a hug, and honestly even if I'm not emotionaly ready for anything serious, I just need someone in my life, like honestly it dosnt even have to be anything serious, just someone to cuddle up on the couch and watch movies, go out to dinner or cook for eachother, go out on little dates, and just have a good with them really. You see my whole thing with it thow, is it wrong to try and seek out or have that with someone, even if there fully aware that you need a shit ton of time to actually build love with them, becuse I've only ever bene aww struck once, and ive bene married once but that was rushed, and there wasn't a foundation to our marriage at all. And I mean after as long as we were together there was love, but it wasn't the kind that is like litterly the for better or worse, no matter what happens will be by each others sides, and a couple months ago she literally just bounced on me because she was done being an adult because we lost 2 houses over the course of a year, first becuse covid(not being able to get a job) and we lost all our worlds possession and I had to put down our 3 cats because 2 of them were disabled, and we couldn't live with the idea of just abandoning them on the side of the road, and just wondering and being worried about there safety and well being.

Then we moved back here so that I could complete all the steps to receive my retirement, and living with my parents was really hard and put alot of strain on our Marriage, becuse she dispised my parents because they wouldnt let us bring our cats here, becuse they have dogs, and so she still blames them for the cats deaths.

And than after 2 months of living with the fam I started reviveing 50% of my benefits and started receiving my GI bill school stypen, so we got a house on 4 acers, and it was awesome not haveing nehbors, but than several months ago I just got realy depressed and down because they started talking about leaving Afghanistan, and than no shit can't even make this up, the house litterly cracks down the middle, and she just says she couldent do this anymore, becuse no matter how much we continustly improved and our lives and standards of living just continueusly kept improving, but she was just done being a adult and disided to move back in with her dad, and maby go to school, I honestly don't even know what she's doing now. We talked resintly but that was only to figure out if we're going to do our divorce threw MS or TX, and what state offers a simpler process.

And now all this happens with the love of my life and it's just kind of like, this is all so recent am I even in the right state of mind to again not jump into a relationship, but I guess prosue just like a female companion, with the intent to you know basically act like we're in a relationship and but with this whole supper long process of realy and truly getting to know eachother.

Because I highly dought I'll ever hear from this chick again, but I swear I'm the most hopfull and confident mother fucker in the world, so it's just like offcourse things will work out eventually because I live here now and forever, so how couldn't it, but yesterday definitely clerified alot of how she feels, and that's were I than go and say,"o ya" does it clarify her feelings for you because you have no idea what was said and happened and you can't even ask now without looseing everything that you said youed get to be with her in the first place.

But I mean with all that said, it's like there's litterly nothing I can do, without again risking my freedom and benefits, and honestly if I hurt her that bad, to get to this point, I'm just not even going to mess with it, ied like to be with her, but that's probably never going to happen.

So than it comes full circle to the original question, am I even emotionally ready to try a procue, any kind of realtonship and any level with anybody, becuse I feel ready, and I'm financially ready, and I actually have like a living situation going for myself, and I'm in school to get a super high paying job working over at stenis makeing 47$ starting and only working a 9-5. Like relationships aside I've litterly never bene doing better with this thing we call life

But with how this whole situation just went down, that has me questioning myself, granted there were alot of complexitys to It and while I didn't have the right to threaten someone else, I feel like theres some justification in getting mad over it. But still i question myself because I talked down to someone who I love and that's not ok.

And than all the stuff with my wife, granted litterly none of it was my fault, theres litterly nothing I could have done to prevent any of it, but I just have this feeling that I let her down and I don't ever want to let someone down that bad, and with that like litterly you can do everything right, and sometimes life just happens and dicides to repedaly fuck you, and so the moral of all that, is, I'm not saying I'm tore up about it, I'm not saying I want her back, she abandoned me, what I'm saying is that was my wife, and I feel like I let her down, like if that makes scene, it's not a regret thing, it's marriage is something that I think should be held really dear and sacred, regardless if it's good or bad, or if you got. Married for the right or wrong reasons. So I'm saying it's like I feel like I failed as a husband, and I failed in the role of being a husband, and again it's not regret and it's not me wishing it didn't happen, I believe in traditional values and, twice over the span of a year we lost the roof over our heads, again not my fault, but I take it personally in a way.

So what's the boild down thots on that, and going out and starting something new, or more specifically slowly working towards that, I don't want to gain someone's trust and than not actually be able to provide, or more or less go threw actuall hardship with someone, and it's because they chose to follow me around there now in a situation, again I didnt actually do anything wrong with any off it, but it's kind of like my deployment in reality I just did my job, and that's that, but I still take surtan parts of it personally

So that and than, just recently I got drunk and talked down to someone I loved, and was really mean, and than put them in a situation that wasn't right, again none of it was right at all, and it was super complex, but regardless I don't like how that ended becuse it ended in fear, and at the end of the day, that's the one thing I always told myself I would never do again with any female, but hey fucking insain shocker it litterly just so happen to be with the same person who originally made me say that to myself.

So it's those 2 things that really have me on the fence, becuse it's like I'm saying I just want some kind of companionship that's more than friends, and a little more serious, but i know that me as a person, emotionaly it will take god knows how long, before Ill be able to actually love them, becuse I'm still trying to re-evaluate what exactly does It mean to love someone, becuse to me it's ride or die, for better or worse, no exceptions, and honestly the biggest factor that will come up is what are there feelings for me, becuse like if they can just be loyal, honestly say the love me, and be there for me and just be enjoyable to be around, thated be enough to earn my love, but now I'm at the point we're it's like, well ied need proof to offer myself fully and truly look them in the eye, and say I'll always be there for you and you can always count on me

And that's the million dollar question, at what point do you actually have proof, at what point can you actually know, becuse like if I'm going to just try this with some random person, like we're do you set the bar, what standard do you hold them to

So like talking to people and actually have a realtionship of sorts is easy to maintain and do. But I'm at the point we're I want the person I die with, spend the rest of my days with. Because picking up chicks, going out, fucken, haveing fun, that's all super easy and has never bene a problem, but actual love, and my idea of what it is, I honestly question if it exists, I've only felt it at it's most real with one person, and with my wife, we knew eachother for 9 days, and it was kind of like hey, "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I relay like your personality and I like you as a person, so do you want to take a shot in the dark, see what happens, get married, so I can move out of the barracks and you can move out of your dad's house", and she said yes, and her only input towerds it was we can't tell our familys tell your out of the army because we barely knew eachother, and we just wanted to keep things simple.

it really was like a friend's moving in together and just living life and and enjoying each other's company and there was love but there was no foundation to our relationship at all, 9 days. That is some army shit right there.

But ya that was really interesting, becuse the whole idea was trile by fire, becuse know we talked about it seriously, and what we were both looking for, and so the idea was you know how, there are sertan things about people that you just don't like but you live with it or accept it because you love them, well that was going to be our thing, just see what happens.

And the whole will wait tell your out of the army thing was because, by that point we'de have actually successed and started a happy life or we'd still just be friends by the end of it, and so wene your In the army they pay for you to get a house, so it was a win win for both of us, and it had the potential to be so much more, so we littrly said fuck it let's see what happens.

So that's that story and background becuse I don't want it so seem like I'm talking shit about her, by saying there's no foundation, it's becuse there litterly wasn't, and wene I say she abandoned me, ya even thow again our standard of living littlerly kept going up, and fast, we went from a 1 bedroom apartment, to a 4 bedroom house, to a 3 bedroom house in 4 acers. Life litterly just beat us into the dirt back to back, and she was just done with being an adult at that point, I guess you can only loose everything so many times before you just give up.

Ok another example, the love of my life, I litterly met her at a party, litterly love at first sight I have never experienced that with anyone else, asked her on a date at school, and we were together after that, like a couple, and that lasted years, granted the foundation came from dating for so long and then we got engaged, so completely different than my marriage

But the moral of that and what I'm trying to say, and trying to explain, is how the hell do you move slow, while having compassion, and I guess properly feel them out, and like actually get to know them as a person and at what point can you genuinely trust them, like at what point is it litterly you can say ok This is the one.

Because with the love, she couldnt leave here family and come to elpaso, at the time I didn't understand that, and sadly I lost my temper over it. And I honestly don't even know what this last attempt was, I'm just going to call It horrible timing, litterly the worst time for me to show up.

And with the wife, we litterly tolk those vows "for better or worse" and wene stuff got worse she left.

So for the wife I could littlerly never take her back because she broke our vows, and with the love I dought shill ever call, or have anything To do with me again, but sadly I dought I could ever actually give up hope that shed call, becuse it's like hey, just like the first time, I didn't understand why she'd have a problem moving all the way to elpaso, this second time now, This was beyond a complicated situation, and just like before I wouldn't hold it against her because, again this was just a all around horrible situation, litterly just wow, and this is the part were I step back and realy have to remember my mind works alot differently and so while it comes off as a open and shut situation to me, and I tried to work with her I really did, but I could never understand any of this from her point of view and the struggles and complexity of how this must have bene from her side.

But getting back on topic, I'm trying to explain this so I can read it all and try and figure it out myself.

Basically, if I start something with someone new, how do you actually get to the point were you can say you fully know them inside and out, have absolute trust, and know in your heart, that there the one, and even at that, would it ever be far to them, becuse I have a idea of what my perfect some is, and it's just this horrible reality with both the first time and second time, and how it ended, nether of those situations were her fault, and becuse of that i can't blame her for eather situation, and as unlikely as it is, that's still what I want.

Again back on topic, with my wife I always had that problem of comparing her to my love, and a prity big chunk of me still wanted her but out of respect for her choice I stayed away, and This go around I'm not worried about the legal ramifications at all, but it's the fact that I got to the point it did, I'll stay away out of respect, becuse the police are a joke and I'm not afraid of them or the possibility of dieing, but if she and the people in her life thot that was the only option they had, than ya, I feel as tho I have agian lost the right to speack to her honestly, and that's the conclusion I came to after I really sat down and thot about the situation, and I just hate it because I'm not a bad, mean, hatefull, or evil. But wene loyalty and truth becomes a problem I don't know why, I litterly can't explain it, but it sets me off, and so know she has the first time she ended it because I questioned her loyalty and lost it wene she called off our marriage, and now this time, again it was overly complicated and I could never understand all her feelings about all of it, and again I lost it, and didnt go about it correctly, I just hope she knows who I am as a person, like I was able to prove that to her over the course of the month and that I really tried my best but everybody has a breaking point and I guess mines a month.

Good dame I keep going on tangents. Ya so I'm not looking for flings or a girlfriend, I've already played those games way to much and had my fill of it, and I just don't want to approach it in a jaded way, or just have unrealistic standards, becuse there's only one love, and she can never be replaced, but maby there's someone different out there that can also be a love, not a replacement but just everything I want and more and, hopefully better, becuse I'm starting to think that looking for a replacement isn't the right way to go about it, like it seems like a toxic mindset or a self defeating prophecy, becuse you can't replace a person everybody's unique, and you can't just find a replacement. And I think I understand that know

So I hate wording it like this, but the hunt isnt for a replacement it's for something better in it's own special way, and I hate wording it like becuse at surface value it sounds like, there could be a better version of her or like there is just someone better, but that's not the case, it's just I need to find someone who's special in there Owen way and not sit there and compare here to my love.

Suppriseingly the dreams stopped and again I don't want it to seem like my interest in her is gone or any less, but that burning need to have her in my life isn't realy there just because, the way things ended this go around and everything that went into it, if she doesn't feel the same, than I mean that's just life at that point, it's a shame we didn't get a chance to rebuild it, but I helped however I could and anyway shed let me, and again I still love her more than anything, but the situation wasnt exactly open and shut, and if things got to a point we're fear is involved, than ya, I wish I could say sorry, but thats not really a option now.

I don't know, I think honestly just sitting here a writing this shirt story I finally put some of the pieces together.

If she ever calls I'll drop whatever I'm doing and give her 100% of me and all I can give, and becuse the odds of that are really low I think, I'm going to try and find someone, and not set any kind of standard based off of past relationships and personality traights that compare to her, or make any comparisons at all to her, this process will take a long time, but I need to find someone who is special in there Owen way, and accept who they are without comparison, not a replacement but just something new, the only expectation, and only thing that is a must, is trust, loyalty, and loves me for me, becuse that's not right and it dosnt make scene to compare someone to a very special person from my past, becuse there's only one love, I've searched high and low, there's not another, so who knows maby one day, but ya I've explained that enough, so ya who would have thot all it would take is a short story to figure out how I should approach the next person

[smkkbert]

We ended as lovers (5/12)

Summary: Three years ago, Felicity’s life was perfect. She was offered a job at two great companies. Her boyfriend just started his own fashion label, and they picked a perfect apartment to live in together. The more heartbroken she was when Oliver got cold feet and it all ended. Now, Felicity is coming back to Starling City, well aware that she is destined to run into her ex-boyfriend there. While old feelings revive quickly, the pain still goes deep. Besides, for some reason Oliver seems to be angry with her. 

Previous Chapters: 1  2  3  4 or read on Ao3

* * *

Chapter 5: Daring Cutouts

With a frustrated groan, Felicity turned onto her back. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling angrily. Given that it was probably the dullest white ceiling she had ever seen, it deserved to be on the receiving end of her frustration.

After countless glasses of champagne and long hours of dancing with Adrian, she had thought that she would finally get to catch some sleep tonight. After all, the balls of her feet had hurt her so badly that she had just fallen into bed, and thanks to the alcohol she had been incredibly tired. Besides, she hadn’t slept the night before either, so she did have a lot of sleep to catch up on. The conditions for sleep had been at their best.

One thought at Oliver had made all of that useless though.

She still couldn’t believe that he had actually been able to look her in the eyes and blame her for their break-up. Given his anger, she had suspected that he blamed her for it, but saying that right to her face was on a completely different level. She had good reason to think the worst of Oliver, but not even she had expected him to be that brazen.

Felicity knew that she wouldn’t get any sleep tonight, at least not yet. Sitting up, she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders to keep herself warm and crawled out of bed. She left the bedroom and went over to the living room. Barefoot, she walked up and down there. The fluffy carpet kept her feet nicely warm. Thank God.

That Oliver had looked her in the eyes when he had blamed her for the break-up had been bad. That it had happened after they had had awfully wrong and yet incredibly good sex was worse. That Felicity had still been hurt when he had disappeared with Helena Bertinelli was the worst.

Most of her life, Felicity had considered herself a strong woman. After her father had left the family and she grew up watching her mother doing anything necessary to bring them through, she had done her best to make herself as strong as possible. She had made sure that she was always independent, and that she was never letting anyone get too close. To her, her parents’ history had proven that people who got close to you could hurt you, and they could change your life irretrievably to the worse.

When she had met Oliver, he had managed to break down her walls. She didn’t even know how he had achieved that, but she had trusted him more than she had ever trusted anyone. She had trusted him. She had loved him. She had needed him. She had even been willing to give up her safe space in Sara’s apartment to move into that giant loft that would be all Oliver’s with him, only to stand there in that stupid loft. Alone and heartbroken. Waiting for him.

With a long sigh, Felicity strolled over to the large window. She sat down on the cushioned windowsill, pulling her thighs up to her chest and wrapping the blanket around her as tightly as possible. She felt well-protected. Another sigh fell from her lips when she leaned her head against the cool window pane and looked outside.

From up here, Starling City looked quiet and peaceful. She couldn’t see any people, strolling through the streets in the middle of the night. Some cars were rolling through them though, at least judging from the headlights. There was still light behind most of the windows too, but there were no movements to be seen. The sight of the city she got right now and right here just looked nothing like the hustle and bustle that was usually there.

Closing her eyes, Felicity took in a deep breath. She had known that it wouldn’t be easy to be back in Starling City. Whenever she had anticipated the struggles she would run into here, she had had entirely different scenarios in mind. Basically, she had seen herself killing Oliver in a hundred different ways and ending up in jail for it rather than feeling the constant need to jump him whenever they were alone for too long.

Being back here should have brought her some clarity about how far she has come and how far she had moved on since she had left Starling three years ago. It should have allowed her to put aside what had happened between them once and for all. It should have offered a clean cut.

Yet, all Felicity could say after these couple of days back here was that, despite all the anger she had tried to hide it under, she couldn’t deny that she still loved Oliver. Despite everything, she still loved him and she hated it.

 * * *

 Janice, the realtor who had already shown them the loft when they had first viewed it, looked at her watch impatiently. She tried to hide it, but Felicity could see that she was annoyed. While she had been able to hide her annoyance behind a polite smile, her patience wasn’t sufficient for that anymore. It had faded almost completely.

Biting down on her tongue, Felicity checked her phone once more. She had perfect reception, so Oliver’s call or text should easily go through if he tried to contact her. Why didn’t he try to reach her though after she had left him like a dozen messages with the request to contact her as quickly as possible?

Not for the first time within the last ninety hours when she had left his apartment to come here, Felicity wondered if something had happened to him. Maybe he couldn’t call her back because he had had an accident with that damn motorcycle he liked so much. As scary as it was, it was a reasonable reason why he hadn’t been available in the last one and a half hours.

Felicity pushed that thought away quickly though. If something had happened to him, his family would have already been informed, and they would have called her. Moira and Robert knew that she needed to know if something happened to Oliver.

“Ms. Smoak, it’s been almost an hour now and-“

“I will try to call him again,” Felicity said quickly, choosing Oliver’s number on speed dial. “I am sure that he will be here any second.”

Listening to the dial tone, she pleaded for him to finally take the call. She wanted him to take the call and tell her that he was already on the way and that he was only late because he had helped an old lady to cross the street or because he had gotten lost in work or even because he had forgotten. She just wanted him to take the call and give a reasonable explanation why he wasn’t here.

She didn’t have any success. Just like the twenty times she called him already, she was soon directed to voicemail. His usual, slight grumpy voice asked to leave a message. He would call back if necessary.

Felicity’s stomach tightened painfully when she ended the call without leaving a message. She pushed her phone back into the large pocket of her coat, but she kept he fingers wrapped around it tightly, so she could take the call as soon as Oliver answered.

“Fashion designers,” Felicity said with what she hoped sounded like a light chuckle, “if they get inspired, they lose track of everything else.”

Janice didn’t look convinced, but she did her best to smile anyway. If it was the other way around and Oliver was standing here with her, it would probably be easier for her. This way, she pushed the contract into her folder and closed it. Only then she lifted her gaze towards Felicity once more.

“I suggest that you and your boyfriend just call me again when it works better, but you should hurry. I cannot reserve the loft for you.”

Felicity nodded her head, said goodbye and hurried out of the loft. Outside, she sucked in a deep breath. It had been a terrible feeling to be alone in that loft and having Janice shoot those annoyed and yet pitiful glances in her direction. She had felt like the little school girl who hadn’t been picked up after the school trip because her father had just forgotten her.

Shaking that thought, she turned to hurry back home to her and Sara’s apartment.

Walking the few blocks, she tried to call Oliver a couple more times. She considered calling Thea, John or maybe Robert to ask if they knew where Oliver was, but she didn’t dare to. The longer Oliver didn’t try to reach back, the more it dawned on her that maybe he hadn’t come because he simply hadn’t wanted to.

Although this thought made everything inside of her scream and hurt, Felicity tried to ignore it. Even if Oliver had chosen not to come because he didn’t see the point of taking the next step of moving in together as long as they hadn’t decided how exactly that would look like with Felicity decision still not made, it didn’t mean that it had to be over. She would find him, and they would talk it out.

Felicity nodded her head. Even if Oliver was struggling, she would convince him to fight. They didn’t have to give up on the last two years because she might have changed her decision to stay in Starling City and work here. They had done a long-distance relationship before. That had sucked, of course it had sucked, but the had made it work because they had really wanted to make it work. They just had to put the same effort into it again.

Turning into the street her apartment was seated, Felicity wondered if their fight had just been more for him. Maybe he thought that she was backing away from the idea of moving in with him and taking the next step in their relationship. Maybe she hadn’t made herself clear enough before because she obviously wanted both. She wanted to take the chance for her career, but she also wanted to be with him.

For Oliver, this was his first relationship that lasted more than a couple of weeks. He had once said that he was a raw recruit when it came to meaningful relationships, and that she had to be gentle with him when it came to being a boyfriend. He had said that he had no idea what it meant to be one although Felicity doubted that. Otherwise, he would have been a natural at it. With the little experience she had with relationships and boyfriends, he had been as close to perfect as possible.

Taking the first steps of the stairs towards her apartment, Felicity tried to call Oliver once more. She should be damned if she gave up on him or on them this easily.

Like all the times before, of course she was directed to his voicemail again. Shaking her head, she dropped her phone into the pocket of her coat and unlocked the door.

“Sara?”

Since nobody answered, Felicity guessed that Sara had gone out. She probably had another date with Nyssa, so they could decide what furniture they wanted to buy new when Felicity had moved out. Felicity didn’t mind being alone though. She was actually glad that she had little time for herself, so she could take a quick shower, get into more comfortable clothes and try to find Oliver, so they could finally talk this out.

She had just reached the foot of the stairs when there was a knock at the door. Oliver had finally remembered that he had stood her up to sign that damn paper, was all Felicity could think. She hurried to turn around and almost ran towards the door.

“Where have you-?” Felicity stopped, feeling her hope getting crushed once more as she looked at the man in front of her. “Adrian.”

As much as Felicity tried to, she couldn’t hide how disappointed she was. With each time she was disappointed again, she felt like it was harder to ignore the bad feeling she felt pooling in the pit of her stomach. In the two years they had been together, Oliver had barely ever been unavailable for two hours. At least for her, he had almost always been available.

“I guess you expected someone else?” Adrian asked. “Sorry.”

Felicity shrugged her shoulders, doing her best to smile through her sadness. She wasn’t sure if it reached her eyes. Looking at Adrian, she was actually sure that it didn’t.

“It’s not your fault. What can I do for you?”

“Oh, I still have your scarf from my birthday party. You forgot it there, and I recently thought about it, so I figured that I could bring it over.”

Adrian held the red scarf she had indeed forgotten at his place last year in November out for her. Felicity pressed her lips together, taking the scarf a little awkwardly. When she looked at Adrian, she saw the same awkwardness in his eyes.

“That scarf has been in your place for almost 6 months,” she said, frowning at him. “Why bring it back now?”

When Adrian massaged the back of his neck uncomfortably, Felicity’s frown deepened. Something told her that the scarf hadn’t just popped up in Adrian’s mind, so that he had decided to come here today and bring it back to her. Something told he that he had had a good reason to give this scarf back today of all days.

“Truth is that I just wanted to check on you.” Adrian hunched his shoulders, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his coat. “I met Oliver in the gym, and he told me that you two had a fight and broke up. Today of all days. I mean you were supposed to sign the contract to buy that loft today, right?”

Felicity felt her heart stopping. Her breath got stuck in her throat. A cold shiver ran down her back, making goosebumps spread all over her skin. She felt hot and cold at the same time, unable to move or say anything. Blood was rushing in her ears. She stared at Adrian with a blank facial expression, trying to process what he had just told her.

She had already suspected that this fight had meant more for Oliver than it had meant for her. She had thought that she had assumed the worst, but she hadn’t thought that he would just go around and tell their friends that they had broken up when they hadn’t even broken up yet. Or had he broke up with her and she just hadn’t noticed it? Was that why he didn’t take any of her calls now?

“Oh my God, you didn’t know that he considered you broken up?”

Felicity gasped for breath, causing her heart to race and pound against her ribs. She just knew that she couldn’t even fake a smile when she looked at Adrian, so she didn’t try to. She just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.

“No, I didn’t.”

When one of her neighbors came out of her apartment, Felicity figured that maybe this conversation wasn’t exactly meant to be had in passing. Stepping aside, she opened the door further for Adrian to come in. He flashed her a brief smile before he stepped in, already taking off his coat.

“So, Oliver told you we have broken up?”

Felicity tried to sound casual, but she failed miserably. Putting the forgotten scarf onto the small table next to the door, she led Adrian towards the living room where they sat down on the couch.

“Yeah,” Adrian said, obviously uncomfortable at the feeling that he had been the Job to deliver this bad news, “like I said, I met him at the gym. He was punching the punching bag like it was his worst enemy. At first, I thought I should just leave him alone, but eventually I went over and asked him what was wrong. He told me that you got a job offer by Wayne Enterprise in Gotham City – congratulations by the way – and that you had decided to go there instead of moving in with him.”

Felicity opened her mouth to say something, but she didn’t know exactly what she was supposed to say. Saying that she hadn’t been sure if she wanted to take that offer would be a lie. She did want to work for Wayne Enterprise, and maybe there had been some doubts before, but in a lot of ways she had made her decision the moment she had read that she was accepted. That offer was just too good to reject it.

“I wanted us to find a way to make this work,” she said eventually. “I still want that. I will reach out to him, and we will make this work. I mean there has to be a way for us to-“

When Adrian shook his head, Felicity fell silent. She sucked in a deep breath and held it in her lungs, just waiting for Adrian to say what he thought.

“I mean you can try,” he hurried to say, “but Oliver sounded very determined. Going back to long-distance is not an option for him. If you go to Gotham City, you two are done. He said that with how quickly you were able to change your mind about moving in together, he thinks that your relationship is never going to work.”

Oliver didn’t like to do things halfway. Felicity knew that. She also knew that deep in his heart, Oliver was just as afraid of being abandoned as she was. While his parents had always stayed, they had gotten into quite some fights during Oliver’s childhood. He had grown up in fear of those fights leaving him with only one parent someday. It was why he had sought for stability and reliability in a potential girlfriend.

 “So basically, whatever I do, it’s over.”

Adrian put a hand on hers, squeezing it comfortingly. “Sorry.”

He had been so afraid of being left that he had decided to take the step first. He had just left before she could have left him.

“Maybe you should call him,” Adrian said, “maybe I just misunderstood something, or maybe he just said it out of anger or disappointment. I mean-“

“I already tried calling him, but he doesn’t want to take my calls.”

“Fuck.”

Felicity nodded her head slowly. “Fuck.”

Oliver had vented his spleen at Adrian, telling him that they were broken up and would stay broken up no matter what happened next. He had refused to take any of her calls and still refused to do so. He hadn’t shown up to sign the contract to buy that loft either.

The more time passed, the more the news really hit her. She and Oliver were done.

Felicity felt like her heart broke in ways that it had barely ever been broken before. Everything inside of her ached, and she felt like she couldn’t think straight. Nothing made sense anymore. She had no idea where she belonged, what had been real and what hadn’t been.

She glanced at her phone, considering to call Oliver once more. Maybe if she just got a chance to talk to Oliver, they could work it out nonetheless. There were so many ways for them to make this work. It didn’t have to be over.

If Oliver was able to throw away everything they had without looking back, maybe it really wasn’t worth saving. Maybe it wasn’t even fixable.

“I’m sorry, Felicity.”

Only now Felicity realized that a tear was rolling down her cheek. She sucked in a deep breath, quickly brushing that tear as well as the few others that followed away.

“Well, it’s not your fault that Oliver decided to run away instead of trying to work it out.”

“Yeah, but it’s not a good feeling to be the one to deliver this news to you.” Adrian scrunched up his nose. “I feel guilty. Let me make it up to you by distracting you. I can offer a full distraction program with movies and pizza.”

Felicity did her best to smile through the more tears that were falling. She continued to wipe her hands over her cheeks, but it did nothing to dry the wetness as more and more tears were falling. Once the first tear had fallen, more tears had just followed. She couldn’t stop them anymore. As much as she tried to take in deep, sniffling breaths and get a hold on herself, nothing helped.

“That’s nice of you, but I don’t think I am ready for any of it.”

“Well, that is why I am not offering to hold you while you are crying. I mean, for one, it would ruin my shirt,” Adrian added casually, stroking his hands down his chest, and elicited the smallest of a smile from Felicity in response, “and I think that Sara is a much better fit to comfort you later.”

Felicity knew that Adrian was right. If she needed anyone’s comfort, it was Sara’s, but she wasn’t sure if she really wanted anyone’s comfort in the first place. She liked to live through things alone because she hated the feeling to be weak and vulnerable. It was only worse when others, even friends, got to see it.

For Felicity, the easiest way out would be to book a flight and sit in the next plane towards Gotham City. She could just pull up her stakes in a couple of hours and start over at the other side of the U.S. tomorrow. It wouldn’t be the nice way, especially since there were a lot of people that she wouldn’t get to say goodbye to in person, but it would be for her best.

“Where is Sara?” Adrian asked. “Should I call her and-“

“No, no.” Felicity shook her head firmly. “She’s probably with Nyssa. The two of them didn’t have much time for each other lately. I don’t want to bother them. They can’t change anything about the situation anyway.”

Nobody could change anything about this situation which was why a bottle of wine and a warm blanket should be enough for today. She could cry her eyes out while she was here and try to show some dignity when she talked to Sara tomorrow.

“I really don’t want to leave you here alone, Felicity, especially since you have really good wine here,” Adrian added and got up to walk over to the large shelf where she and Sara were storing their wine supplies, “I wouldn’t mind a glass or two. Or a bottle.”

Despite the soul-wrenching sadness that was spreading inside of her, Felicity could see the appeal of having Adrian here for the evening. She would definitely have to think about Oliver a little less which also meant that she would probably cry a little less. She already felt like her head was exploding from the couple of tears that had fallen. If she really bawled her eyes out tonight, she would feel like she had a terrible cold. Then she would have to go through it again tomorrow when she told Sara what had happened.

“Okay, fine,” Felicity said, nodding her head. “You’ve won. You can stay for movies, pizza and wine.”

Adrian smiled triumphantly. “Good. Let’s see how much of your supplies we can drink.”

Felicity shook her head, snorting. “I need a shower first.”

“Okay, in that case I will order dinner. Steak & Cheese Pizza for you I guess?”

“Yeah.” Felicity nodded her head. “Thank you.”

Adrian just winked at her before he pulled out his phone and dialed the number of the delivery service. While Felicity was on her way to the bathroom, she could hear Adrian order their dinner. He also offered a tip of a hundred dollar if the pizza was delivered within the next fifteen minutes.

Smiling, Felicity closed the door to the bathroom behind herself. Although she would say that Oliver and Sara were by far the two people that she was closest to in their group of friends, followed by Nyssa, Adrian proved to be a good friend. She didn’t have much to do with him or McKenna or Tommy, but he was still here to offer comfort. It was even more impressive after that weekend a couple of weeks ago when Adrian had been so drunk that he had almost tried to kiss her. It had been incredibly awkward for both of them.

When Felicity stepped in front of the mirror, she saw how terrible she looked already. Her eyes were swollen and reddened. Her mascara, though it had been said to be waterproof, was running down her cheeks along her tears. She looked like a mess, and she felt like one too.

Shaking her head, Felicity turned away from her reflection and sat down on the rim of the bathtub instead. She sucked in a deep breath and let her face sink into her hands. It was terrible how much her life could change. From one day to the other, everything was different.

She and Oliver were done. They had broken up. They weren’t together anymore, and they wouldn’t move in together.

As much as Felicity tried to process this new truth, repeating it in her head with different ways, it didn’t seem to really hit her. She was sad for sure, but it still didn’t feel as real as it should be. She felt like she was caught in some dream, about to wake up any second with Oliver’s arms wrapped around her protectively and his lips placed against her forehead.

Felicity shook her head once more. She didn’t want to think about this any longer. The whole point of inviting Adrian over was to not think about this break-up too much. She could spend an evening in denial before she figured out what exactly all of this meant for her future.

Almost about to take off her shirt already, Felicity remembered that Sara had told her something was wrong with the showerhead. Luckily, she had a guy in the house, and from the way she judged Adrian, she assumed that he had a hand for smaller repairs.

Opening the bathroom door, she stuck her head out. “Adrian?”

Adrian, who was sitting on the couch and playing with his phone, lifted his gaze. 

“Yes?”

“Sara told me that the showerhead isn’t working properly. Apparently, the water is sprinkling around in all directions, just not where it’s supposed to go. You don’t know how to fix that, do you?”

“Actually, since my grandpa has been a plumber, I might be able to help with that.”

Adrian put his phone to the table. Getting up, he pulled up the sleeves of his shirt. He joined her in the bedroom. Felicity got the small toolbox from the downmost shelf and handed it to him.

It looked indeed like Adrian really had learned something from his grandfather. At least he seemed to know exactly what he was doing. Once they had climbed into the small shower cabin together, he told her exactly what to do to help him fix it.

“Okay, now it should work,” Adrian said, “let’s just try to-“

Adrian turned on the water. Instead of the expected stream, it still sprinkled all around them.

“Turn it off!” Felicity screeched as the water was ice cold. “Turn it off!”

“I’m trying.” Adrian indeed tried to switch off the water. “It doesn’t work.”

No matter how far he turned the scale, the water didn’t stop sprinkling. It was uncontrollable.

“I thought you knew what you were doing.”

“I thought that too.” Adrian chuckled. “It looked so easy when my grandpa used to do this.”

“What are we gonna do now?”

“I suggest that we-“ When the doorbell rang, Adrian stopped. “Okay, I suggest that you stay here and make sure that no water gets into this part of the showerhead. I will get out pizza and be back in a minute.”

“What? You’re not really leaving me alone, are you?”

Adrian was already gone though. While she was trying to turn the showerhead, so the water wasn’t getting to where Adrian had played around with some screws, she could hear Adrian’s voice from the living room. She didn’t know if those fifteen minutes had passed or if the delivery was still in time, but maybe that was what took so long.

Felicity waited and waited and waited. She felt like she was waiting forever though that might only be the case because the water was soaking her clothes.

“Adrian, come back here,” she called out for him. “I am already wet!”

Soaked would be more fitting she guessed. Her jeans and shirt were sticking to her skin. Her hair wasn’t that wet yet, but the warm steam had turned her straightened hair back into its natural curls.

Adrian’s answer only came after another few minutes had passed. “Coming!”

Indeed, it didn’t take much longer for Adrian to return. He grinned a little amusedly, making Felicity push her bottom lip forward and pouted. It only made Adrian chuckle.

“Sorry,” he said, “we had a little something to discuss about the tip.”

“Did he make it in fifteen minutes?”

“I had to check my phone. It was close, but he succeeded.”

“And now it’s getting cold because we don’t get the-“ When the water finally came out in one single stream, Felicity released a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god.”

“Nah, that’s too much of a compliment.”

Felicity rolled her eyes halfheartedly before she said honestly, “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Adrian winked at her. “You take your shower to relax. I will find a good movie to watch and make sure the pizza is still warm when you are ready.”

Felicity nodded her head, and Adrian turned around. Before he could disappear, she held him back though.

“Adrian?”

He turned around, perking up his eyebrows.

“Thank you,” she said, “for everything.”

Adrian smiled, nodding his head. “Oliver is an ass, and he doesn’t deserve you.”

In a lot of ways, Adrian’s words hurt. The break-up was still too raw for her to accept if anyone talked bad about Oliver. She wasn’t ready to hear that yet. Hearing that she was too good for Oliver wasn’t any better because that meant that their relationship had been meant to fail from the start. She wasn’t sure if that was true, and, even if it was, she wasn’t ready to accept it.

Felicity didn’t say anything in response. She just waited for Adrian to leave the bathroom and close the door behind himself. As soon as she was alone, she stripped herself of her clothes and stepped into the shower. She turned on the water stream and let the hot water platter down on her body.

She wished the water could wash away the dawning feeling that all her favorite memories of Starling City, so many memories shared with Oliver, would now forever be tainted by the way he had chosen to end their relationship. As much as she wished for that to be possible, she already knew that it was senseless to even just hope in her wildest dreams that it would happen. Her father had tainted a lot of her childhood memories when he had left. Olive had tainted her memories of Starling City.

The soul-crushing feeling of her heart being broken finally caught up with her. As much as she tried to bite them back, the tears were streaming down her cheeks and mixing with the shower water. She cried quietly, no sob falling from her lips as she still couldn’t really believe that it was over. Deep down in her heart, the reality started sinking in though.

It was true. It was over.

 * * *

 Resting his head back against the cool brick wall, Oliver closed his eyes and took a deep puff of his cigarette. The ashtray next to him was already overstuffed with cigarette stubs. He guessed at least a fourth of them were the result of this night, but Oliver didn’t care. When he was really stressed, he just needed to smoke, and, after what had happened tonight, he was really stressed.

When he had slept with Felicity in his atelier, he had thought that it would be a one-time relapse after he just hadn’t got the clean cut that he would have needed to move on from her. He had sworn himself to avoid her after that, so a relapse like that would never happen again. With the way she had constantly been on his thoughts from the moment he had heard that she would come back for Nyssa and Sara’s wedding.

Oliver shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut more firmly. As much as he tried to push away the memory of what happened tonight, the scene continued playing in front of his closed eyes again and again.

He had retreated back into his dad’s office to have a moment for himself and try to ban Felicity from his thoughts. Before he had succeeded, she had joined him in that room though. She hadn’t noticed him from the start which had given him the opportunity to take a thorough look at her. No matter how tired and exhausted she had been, she had looked incredibly beautiful. She was just a natural beauty, and Thea’s design had emphasized all her best assets.

In a lot of ways, Oliver hated that he still thought of Felicity as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He was working with models on a daily basis. Some of them had been titled the sexiest or most beautiful women alive by magazines or other media. For Oliver, there was nothing more beautiful than what he remembered Felicity looked like when she just woke up from a long night of sleep on a Sunday morning. It was the naturalness and effortlessness of her beauty that made it so precious.

Oliver had felt that same way when he had looked at her tonight, and despite all of his good intentions, he had started talking to her. It seemed like he couldn’t help himself. When she was around, he forgot everything that was good for him and just let her wrap him around her little finger without even trying.

Only when Felicity had mentioned that she had escaped the party because people thought she was back with her ex, back with him, all the pain and anger had found its way back to him through the cracks in his heart. Unlike him, Felicity had no reason to think that the idea of getting back with him was so odd. He was the one who had gotten hurt two years ago.

Still, he hadn’t been able to see her walk away from him. As much as he had tried to hold himself back from it, he hadn’t been able to see her walk away. He had wanted to hold her back to simply ask her why she had given up on them three years ago. He needed that answer, or he would never be able to understand.

The moment her body had been pressed against his and her eyes locked with his, Oliver hadn’t been able to suppress his need for her though. He had needed to touch her and to taste her. He needed to feel that she needed him as much as he needed her.

While he had been cleaning himself up, he had tried to find a way to move past what had happened. It has been undeniable that Felicity still held an important spot in his heart. Even through the last three years, that hadn’t changed. He had honestly considered moving past his anger and hurt and try to find a way to start over.

As long as Felicity denied her fault in their break-up, he couldn’t do that though. He wouldn’t make a complete idiot of himself, taking all the blame for what had happened. He had reacted wrong when she had told him about the job offer at Wayne Enterprise. He could admit that. That didn’t mean that the break-up had been his fault though. He-

“Here you are.”

Snapping his eyes open, Oliver saw John turning around the corner to the small, slightly hidden sitting area in the garden behind the mansion. His bodyguard and friend looked at him with calm eyes. Even in the dark of the night, Oliver could see that and, even if he couldn’t see it, he would just know it anyway.

“Is the party over?”

“Has been over for almost an hour. Your sister made sure everything is as cleaned up as necessary for everything to be removed tomorrow and went to bed.”

Oliver nodded his head. “I guess the party was a success?”

“I’d say so.” John crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I saw Helena Bertinelli leave a couple of hour ago, and she looked pissed. I guess she didn’t have as much fun.”

John made it easy to ignore the hidden questions and reproach that was in his voice. It was quite different with the way he looked at him intensely. With that, Oliver knew there was no easy escape.

For a second, Oliver considered if he should just give in and tell John what was on his mind. He really didn’t want to talk about it though. Since he and Felicity had broken up, he had turned down any conversation about her. Even when his father had just mentioned that she was back in town and that she and her boyfriend had broken up, he changed the subject.

“Anything to say, John?”

Being passive-aggressive wasn’t something that was unusual for him. If he was stressed or whatever, that was usually the way he behaved. Most times, John just released a deep sigh and kept quiet. Not tonight.

“Judging from Helena’s behavior, I guess she didn’t get lucky.” John narrowed his eyes at Oliver briefly. “Did you realize in time that a quickie with her wouldn’t help to get Felicity out of your head or did you realize that making Felicity jealous wouldn’t be the right reason to have sex with Helena?”

“What happened between Helena and me had nothing to do with Felicity.”

It was a pure lie. Oliver had seen Helena on the party before he had escaped it already, but he had turned her down. He hadn’t been interested in spending time with her, not even for a quickie. When he had come back from the office and seen Felicity with Adrian of all people, he had gone right to Helena and asked her to go outside with him.

He wasn’t sure if he had intended to have sex with her. Maybe he had. The moment she had kissed him, he had turned her down though. It had felt wrong, especially since Felicity had been on his mind still.

“Of course it didn’t,” John replied, releasing a deep sigh. “Nothing has ever anything to do with Felicity.”

Oliver shot John an annoyed glance, but he just smiled his usual, calm smile. Opening the single closed button of his suit jacket, John sat down on the bench next to Oliver.

“Since I am your friend,” he said quietly, “I think I should be allowed to say something without being punched for it.”

Oliver turned his head to shoot his friend a brief glance. He and John had trained with each other since the latter had started working for the Queen Family. They went running together. They went to the gym together. When there was time, John trained him in boxing and diverse forms of material arts. From that, Oliver knew that even if he punched John in the face when he least expected it, he would barely flinch at it.

“And what do you think you have to say that could make me want to punch you?”

Taking the last puff of his cigarette, Oliver let it join the other stubs in the ashtray. With a long sigh, he rested his elbows on his knees and let his head fall between his shoulders.

“Just don’t ask me if I am still in love with Felicity.”

He was almost surprised that the words fell from his lips. His throat had itched terribly, trying to fight the breath that had been needed to say them. The words had also burned like acid on his tongue and screeched like sharp nails against a chalkboard in his ears. He decided that that had to be the reason why his heart was suddenly jumping up and down like a kangaroo on crack.

“Because you don’t want to admit that you are still in love with her?”

“Because I am not in love with her anymore.”

Another lie, Oliver thought and tightened his jaws. Deep in his heart, he already knew that it was a lie. He just wasn’t ready to admit that loud yet. Maybe those feelings would just go away if he continued focusing on wanting them to go away.

Oliver shook his head. He sounded like Thea had sounded when she had been a preschooler. She had always watched Raisa baking cookies. As soon as those had been taken out of the oven, she had wanted them. She had just sat there, staring at them and willing them to become colder more quickly.

“You have said a lot of dumb things through the years,” John said slowly, “but I think this it by far the dumbest thing you have ever said.”

Oliver reached out for the bottle of whiskey beneath the bench, but it was already empty. Groaning, he leaned back against the brick wall and just waited for John to say more. He was sure that he wasn’t over yet.

“The last three years since you and Felicity broke up, all you did was mourn her.”

“I did not-“

“In three years, every time someone just mentioned her name, you tensed. You switch off the TV every time she is mentioned and trash every newspaper that mentions her name, only after you have read what was written about her of course. Should I continue?”

Oliver sucked in a deep breath, trying to bite back an impending outburst of anger. He could feel the hot anger pooling in the pit of his stomach, but he could still bite it back so far. He had to bite it back because he wasn’t sure if he could control whatever words would spill from his lips if he vented his anger.

“Do you want me to go on?” John asked and seemed to take Oliver’s silence for a yes. “You are screwing models if there is an opportunity, but you never try to get closer to anyone past that. You try to distract yourself with sports, cigarettes and alcohol. Your inspiration doesn’t spark as easily as it used to when you were still with her which leads to, as the critics say, a lack of-“

“Instead of signing the rental contract for that damn townhouse she convinced me to move in, she slept with Adrian Chase!”

In the dark and quiet of the night, the words sounded even louder and angrier than they would have sounded at any other time. Maybe it was the fact that it was the first time he was saying those words out loud that made them sound so brutal. For three years, he had bottled up those words inside of him that saying them out loud felt like it was just the first drops that announced an uncontrollable monsoon.

For three years, he had been able to hold his anger. It had been the one thing that had prevented him from losing all control above himself. He wouldn’t let anything change that now, so he took in a deep breath. His hand tightened up a fist and opened again a couple of times, using that movement to release some stress.

“Okay,” he said finally, releasing a sigh of defeat, “I admit it. I admit that I am still in love with Felicity. I love her – always have, probably always will.”

He let the words sink in. With surprise, he realized how free he suddenly felt. For the first time in three years he really felt alive.

“I made mistakes,” he said, looking at John. “Felicity told me about that job offer in Gotham City, and I reacted absolutely wrong because I was so scared of losing her. I ran away, and, yes, I might have given her the feeling that I was ending things between us. I honestly admit that I am not innocent in how this all played out.”

The thought that Felicity was moving away had scared him beyond belief. He had never really understood why she had fallen in love with him in the first place. When she worked at the other end of the country, surrounded by men that were as smart as she was, he had feared that she would question her decision to be with him too.

It hadn’t taken too long for him to realize that he had been stupid though. A little time at the gym, and he had realized that the only thing worse than going back to having a long-distance relationship was giving up already. He would have been willing to go all in when it came to their future.

“Felicity was the one person who ever held the power to my heart,” Oliver said quietly, “and she shattered it into a thousand pieces.”

 * * *

 “Is Ms. Smoak still coming?”

“I hope so,” Oliver replied, trying to hide his nervousness behind a polite smile, “let me just call her and check if-“

Reaching into the pocket of his jeans where his phone was usually, Oliver frowned as he found that it wasn’t there. He frisked all possible pockets of his jeans and leather jacket, trying to find it, but it wasn’t there.

“Damn it.”

Maybe Felicity had taken the fight more seriously than he had thought she would. He should have called her from the gym and make sure that she was coming here too. He knew he still had to make up for his reaction before, but he had thought that he could do so after they had signed the contract to rent the penthouse. He would apologize as soon as he saw her, and he had already bought a gift for her to show her that her was serious about supporting her no matter what she would decide.

He quickly turned back to Mr. Baker and smiled at him. He looked relaxed although his eyes sparkled with the knowledge that things weren’t going the way as planned today.

“I am very sorry.” Oliver cleared his throat. “I think something got in the way for Felicity, but it has to be really important. She loved this townhouse, and she did a lot to convince me of it and-“

Mr. Baker lifted a hand, making Oliver fall quiet. Smiling, he reached out for the rental contract and handed it to Oliver.

“I saw how much Ms. Smoak loved this house. It was why I decided to let you two move in,” he explained. “Just sign the contract and bring it over to me within the next week. If something changed, just call me.”

Oliver felt a load falling off his mind. He was sure that being forgiven would have been a thousand times harder if he had caused them to lose the townhouse.

“Thank you, Mr. Baker.” Oliver flashed him a smile of relief and shook his hand. “I will call you as soon as I have talked to Felicity.”

“I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon.”

With that, Oliver turned around and hurried outside. Turning into the direction of Sara’s apartment, where he was almost sure he would find Felicity curled up on the couch, he almost started jogging. He really wanted to go to Felicity as make up with her as soon as possible.

Thinking about this fight, he could hit himself in the face. He had been so stupid to react that angrily. He knew how much Felicity’s career meant to her. For years, she had worked her ass off to get that scholarship for MIT and to get the option to work for some of the best companies in technology. She deserved the possibility to choose between two perfectly successful companies more than anyone else did.

When she had mentioned that job offer, he had just been scared. Felicity was incredibly smart, and she was funny, kind and beautiful. She was so wonderful that, in a lot of ways, Oliver wondered why she had ended up with him of all people. He was certainly very hot, at least if you took the media’s judgement seriously, and he could offer a lot of money which didn’t shy most people away either. He was also quite grumpy and moody. As long as Felicity was here, at least he could score with his good looks. He wouldn’t be able to do that anymore when she worked at the East Coast.

Oliver shook his head. It had been stupid from the start. Felicity knew him, and she knew about his moodiness and his grumpiness. She loved him despite all of that, and not even a long-distance relationship or a dozen of successful nerds she would work with would change that.

Even if it did, as long as he had a chance of being with her, he would take it. They wouldn’t be able to see each in person other every day, and he wouldn’t be able to reach out his hand to stroked his fingertips over her cheek whenever he just felt like it. He would make sure to spend as much time in Gotham with her as possible though, and he would videocall her every day. It wouldn’t be the same and he would miss her like crazy, but it would be better than not seeing or talking to her at all.

Arriving in front of Sara and Felicity’s door, Oliver took in a deep breath. He thought through what he should say, and he considered going down on his knees and beg her for forgiveness, but he knew it wasn’t what Felicity would want. What she would want and need was the promise that he was going to support her and that they would make it. Honest words meant more to her than big gestures.

Oliver knocked at the door. Holding his breath, he waited. His thumb rubbed against the tips of his fingers nervously. It always did that when he was nervous.

Luckily, Oliver didn’t have to wait long for the door to be opened. He was already sucking in a deep breath to tell Felicity exactly how sorry he was. When he saw who had opened the door for him, the breath got stuck in his throat though.

“Adrian.”

Oliver frowned, wondering what Adrian was doing here. He had met him at the gym before. Adrian had come just when Oliver had left. They had talked briefly, and Oliver had told him what had happened. He had told him about the job offer, his inappropriate reaction and his plan to buy a gift to give to Felicity when they were signing the rental contract for that townhouse later. Adrian hadn’t mentioned that he wanted to come over to talk to Sara or Felicity though.

Is frown deepened as Oliver took in Adrian thoroughly. He was wearing cloth pants and patent-leather shoes. He had taken off his shirt though. His bare chest was covered with water drops. His hair looked like a mess, like someone had tousled it actually, and the way he moved his fingers through his hair to stroke it back didn’t help with that at all.

“What are you doing here?”

The moment Oliver asked the question, he suddenly heard the rushing of water from the back of the apartment. The bathroom door was left slightly ajar.

“Oops.” Adrian’s lips widened to a grin that Oliver didn’t know how to describe but as evil. “I guess we got caught.”

Oliver didn’t believe a single word he said. Felicity was a lot of things, and she certainly had a lot of faults although he couldn’t name a single one given how much he loved her. No matter what, Felicity was not a cheater.

Why would Adrian lie though?

Before Oliver found an answer to his question or found his voice again, a more than familiar voice called from the bathroom.

“Adrian, come back here. I am already wet!”

Oliver’s heart sank right into his stomach where it tightened painfully as Felicity’s words made quite clear that maybe it was really as obvious as it looked. Whatever dark thoughts about what could be going on he had tried to suppress so far were now laughing into his face it seemed. He wasn’t able to form them into words yet, too shocked by all of this, but in his thoughts this new reality was already making everything spin.

He had come here with high hopes that he got to fix things between him and Felicity. He had thought that everything was going to be okay again. Now, it seemed like it was quite the opposite.

“I am very sorry, Ollie.”

If Adrian’s face was any indication, he was anything but sorry. He was still grinning that wide and cold grin that Oliver would love to punch off his face. His hand was already tightening, the knuckles prickling with the need to hit Adrian’s face again and again until he couldn’t grin like that anymore.

A couple of years ago, he would have done it. He wouldn’t have even thought about it twice. As soon as the thought would have crossed his mind, he would have gone for it. Not anymore.

Still in utter shock, Oliver turned around. He almost bumped into the pizza delivery guy, but he quickly avoided him. With a look back over his shoulder, he saw that Adrian paid the guy and was handed over the two pizzas in return. Oliver’s stomach tightened painfully once more, and a wave of nausea spread inside of him. He doubted that he could ever eat pizza or anything for that matter ever again.

 * * *

 Oliver remembered how he had gone home to his apartment and taken everything apart there. He had just flailed around, completely out of himself. He had actually bruised the knuckles of his hands badly and even broken his wrist from the pure brutality he had used.

Just thinking back to that day, Oliver felt the same tightening in his stomach once more. He sucked in a deep breath and shook his head. He couldn’t let this near him again. It had been so hard to get back on his feet as it had been.

“I loved Felicity,” he said eventually and pulled out another cigarette, “and she broke me.”

He had never said that out loud either. It had always sounded too much to say it out loud, Oliver was sure that it was true. He hadn’t felt whole since that day.

“And you are right, I still love her,” Oliver added quietly and took the first puff of his cigarette, “but I can’t forgive her. I wish I could forgive her, but I can’t.”

He shrugged his shoulders, turning away from John. There was nothing left to say because as long as he couldn’t forgive her, there was just no moving on. He was stuck in his unhappiness, and there was nothing he or anyone could do about it. 

* * * 

@fannaz @promiseyoullbepatientwithme @bytemegeekette @felicity-said-just-in-case @phanseptiic @orangeisorange @mspotatohead14 @whentheheavenfades @emmaamelia95 @smoakingskye @seaolicity @ourwritinginvein @1022bridgetp @felicityqueenforever @leagueofolicity17 @yryssss @myhauntedblacksoul @sherlock44 @sinceriouslybea @olivyflavescentdeer @olicitys-castle @ofnothingcharming @vaelisamaza @smoakedandcharmed @alexisa1206 @mysaudadespt2 @florence-bubbles @addictiontelly @queens-of-arrows @memcjo @hysterical-for-joshifer-blog @oswinelevenforever @olicitylovemaking @bandanab310 @mymusiclove101 @lynslogic @scarletqueen23 @olicityshipper19 @alex-wesley @arrows-4ever @unabashedlynerdypatrol @louehmysoul @ligiapimenta @chattyyana @charlie-leau @coal000 @samcrowleys @ishippolivia @julianegomesqueen @malafle @miriam1779 @charlinert @melaux @ontheolicityship @myshipperlife @wrightainsley @lexi9515 @ladygreenwood @multi-fandom-crazy-fangirl @morinamel @mje-thomas @kebarry @canadianheartgirl @nannett2307 @almondblossomme @kathrynelizabeth89 @imdfabulous @mrt2501 @arsipaci14 @salasvia @brandis91 @cainc3 @morganmiguess @pr0fessi0nal-fangurl @iamisalima @nessafrancis-blog @jonhdiggle @niki-is-amazing @universed-posts @hopeful-warrior @senoritaswiftie @bellemmie @green-arrows-of-karamel @iheartarrow @olicityovereverything @oliverfel4 @olicity-in-the-heart @fullychippedcreation @geemarie @everything-but-normal-cat @myarroworld @tjmartinez @pleasantfanandstudent @j69confessional2 @scentedcolorpirate @icanica74 @tjmartinez98 @certainmentalityface @tatianadamaceno @ryelew @wildwillowzepplin @missafairy @letsplaymurde-r @lipizette @positivepiper @nuttymilkshakehologram @laksagirl @turnupthemusicandscream @pumpernickle93 @onceuponanolicity @1106angel @jaspertown @fadinglands @morganashimi83 @mochababychristy @omglovechrissie @mariejr88-blog @thetaufactor @onceuponanolicity @speakandseethetruth @bri206 @aglasgo @geemarie @pineprincess @nerdgirljen @eternal-olicity14 @allyouhadtodowas-stay-stay-stay @lovelycssefan @tsseract @flowerandsunshine @dcnmarvelgamergeek @blondeeoneexox @monetsmark @bb-olicity @mashamarty @rulerofsilence @erika-amber @nothingmorethanmyotps @kayleenyc @tonto16 @olicityfluv @olicitea1990 @haahaaa2408 @pattid1 @faegal04 @24karatgem @wrldtravler @readerkas​ @olicity-beliver @greencoffeecups @snorlaxishere​

(If you want to be tagged or untagged, just let me know. :))

[newstfionline]

Friday, November 20, 2020

Global debt (Financial Times) Global debt rose at an unprecedented pace in the first nine months of the year as governments and companies embarked on a “debt tsunami” in the face of the coronavirus crisis, according to new research. The pace of debt accumulation will leave the global economy struggling to reduce borrowing in the future without “significant adverse implications for economic activity”, the Institute of International Finance warned on Wednesday. The total level of global indebtedness has increased by $15 trillion this year, leaving it on track to exceed $277 trillion in 2020, said the IIF, which represents financial institutions. It expects total debt to reach 365 per cent of global gross domestic product by the end of the year, surging from 320 per cent at the end of 2019.

Biden approaches 80 million votes (AP) President-elect Joe Biden’s winning tally is approaching a record 80 million votes as Democratic bastions continue to count ballots and the 2020 election cracks turnout records. Biden has already set a record for the highest number of votes for a winning presidential candidate, and President Donald Trump has also notched a high-water mark of the most votes for a losing candidate. With more than 155 million votes counted and California and New York still counting, turnout stands at 65% of all eligible voters, the highest since 1908, according to data from The Associated Press and the U.S. Elections Project.

New York City to Close Public Schools Again as Virus Cases Rise (NYT) New York City’s entire public school system will shut on Thursday, signaling that a second wave of the coronavirus has arrived as the city is still struggling to revive from its devastating spring, when it was a global epicenter of the pandemic. The shutdown was prompted by the city’s reaching a 3 percent test positivity rate over a seven-day rolling average, the most conservative threshold of any big school district in the country. Schools in the nation’s largest system, with 1.1 million students and 1,800 schools, have been open for in-person instruction for just under eight weeks. Moving to all-remote instruction will disrupt the education of many of the roughly 300,000 children who have been attending in-person classes and create child care problems for parents who count on their children being at school for at least part of the week.

Mexico, Outraged at Arrest of Ex-Official, Threatened to Toss U.S. Agents (NYT) From the moment U.S. federal agents arrested a former Mexican defense minister last month on drug trafficking charges, the highest levels of the Mexican government were outraged at being kept in the dark about the case, seeing it as an egregious breach of trust between allies. Those emotions reached a peak in recent days, as Mexico City issued an unheard-of warning to its counterparts in Washington: If the United States did not rethink its pursuit of Salvador Cienfuegos Zepeda, Mexico would consider expelling American federal drug agents from the country, jeopardizing a decades-long partnership that has helped bring several top drug lords to justice, according to three people in the United States who are familiar with the case. That threat appeared to work. On Wednesday, at the request of Attorney General William P. Barr himself, a federal judge in Brooklyn said she would formally dismiss the charges against Mr. Cienfuegos, a former army general. In the past, U.S. authorities worked with their Mexican counterparts in capturing major drug trafficking suspects, who are often arrested in Mexico, by Mexican forces. But in this case the Justice Department quietly indicted Mr. Cienfuegos last year, did not alert Mexican officials, and waited until he visited the United States to take him into custody. It is not clear what led the department to forgo Mexican cooperation, angering an important ally and leading to the embarrassing setback of dropping the case.

The sniper rifles flowing to Mexican cartels show a decade of U.S. failure (Washington Post) North of the border, the .50-caliber sniper rifle is the stuff of YouTube celebrity, shown blasting through engine blocks and concrete walls. Deployed with U.S. troops to foreign wars, it is among the most destructive weapons legally available in the United States. But every week, those rifles are trafficked across the border to Mexico, where increasingly militarized drug cartels now command arsenals that rival the weaponry of the country’s security forces. In many cases, criminals outgun police. After years of failed U.S. and Mexican efforts to curb arms trafficking, groups such as the Jalisco New Generation and Sinaloa cartels are showcasing the military-grade weapons in slick propaganda videos and using them to defeat security forces in battle. In a country with just a single legal gun shop, on a military base in the capital, roughly 2.5 million illicit American guns have poured across the border in the past decade, according to a new Mexican government study. That flood has been a key accelerant in the security crisis now confronting the country. The cartels are using assault rifles to kill record numbers of police officers—464 in the first nine months of 2020 alone—and smaller armed groups are fueling historically high homicide rates. Mexican officials, in rare public criticism, are now venting their frustration at what they say is the U.S. failure to stop the flow of .50-caliber rifles. At a time when the United States is pushing Mexico to target cartels more aggressively, U.S. laws that make .50-calibers and other destructive weapons easy to buy, along with a lack of enforcement at the border, are enabling those groups to expand their influence and activities in the country.

Iota’s devastation comes into focus in storm-weary Nicaragua (AP) The devastation caused by Hurricane Iota became clearer Wednesday as images emerged showing piles of wind-tossed lumber that used to be homes and concrete walls that were pounded into pieces by the second Category 4 storm to blast Nicaragua’s Caribbean coast in two weeks. Nicaragua Vice President and first lady Rosario Murillo on Wednesday raised the nation’s death toll to 16. The victims were spread across the country, swept away by swollen rivers or buried in landslides. Iota arrived Monday evening with winds of 155 mph (250 kph), hitting nearly the same location as Hurricane Eta two weeks earlier. By early Wednesday, Iota had dissipated over El Salvador, but the storm’s torrential rains remained a threat. Parts of neighboring Honduras were still under water from Eta.

UK to bolster defense spending by ‘most since Cold War’ (AP) British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has given his backing to what is being touted as the biggest investment program in the country’s armed forces since the end of the Cold War three decades ago. Johnson is set to lay out the details of a four-year financial deal for the Ministry of Defense later Thursday that he said will “transform” the military, pivoting it towards potential future threats. “The international situation is more perilous and more intensely competitive than at any time since the Cold War and Britain must be true to our history and stand alongside our allies,” he said. (Foreign Policy) According to figures from the Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, the extra expenditure should see the United Kingdom leapfrog NATO allies France and Germany to become the sixth-highest military spender worldwide, one place behind Saudi Arabia.

Thai PM threatens to use all laws against protesters (Reuters) Thai Prime Minister Prayuth Chan-ocha threatened on Thursday to use all laws possible against protesters, as demonstrations escalate for his removal and for reforms to curb the powers of King Maha Vajiralongkorn. The protests since July have become the greatest challenge to Thailand’s establishment in years and have broken a longstanding taboo by criticising the monarchy, which can carry a jail term of up to 15 years. Prayuth’s announcement came a day after thousands of protesters threw paint at the headquarters of the police in what they said was a response to the use of water cannon and teargas that hurt dozens on Tuesday, the most violent day of protests since July. Some protesters also sprayed anti-monarchy graffiti.

Vietnam’s success (Nikkei Asian Review) Vietnam is shaping up as Southeast Asia’s single economic success story in the coronavirus era, maintaining steady positive growth as other economies struggle to recover. Vietnam’s real gross domestic product expanded 2.6% on the year in the third quarter, marking a second straight quarter of growth amid the pandemic. The International Monetary Fund sees the country rising to fourth in nominal GDP in the Association of Southeast Asian Nations this year, passing Singapore and Malaysia and gaining on the Philippines. In contrast to other ASEAN economies, Vietnam has succeeded in keeping the virus under control. Rising exports have also helped to drive growth, as companies relocate production from China.

Australia publishes war crimes report (Foreign Policy) Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has publicly apologized to Afghan President Ashraf Ghani following the publication of a damning report into murders of civilians committed by Australian special forces in Afghanistan. The government-sanctioned report found that 39 Afghans were unlawfully killed in 23 incidents that all meet the criteria of murder. Among other shocking revelations, the report reveals that Special Air Service (SAS) non-commissioned officers “allegedly demanded junior soldiers “blood” themselves by shooting unarmed prisoners, and then planted weapons to cover up these crimes, while falsifying reports about what happened,” according to the Sydney Morning Herald. The SAS 2nd Squadron will be disbanded and up to 19 soldiers could face prosecution.

Ethiopia’s multiple crises: War, COVID-19, even locusts (AP) Ethiopia could hardly bear another emergency, even before a deadly conflict exploded in its northern Tigray region this month. Now, tens of thousands of refugees are fleeing into Sudan, and food and fuel are running desperately low in the sealed-off Tigray region, along with medical supplies and even resources to combat a major locust outbreak. The United Nations warns of a “full-scale humanitarian crisis.” Food can’t get into the Tigray region of some 6 million people because of transport restrictions imposed after the fighting began. Humanitarian officials say long lines have appeared outside bread shops, prices have soared, and banks dispense only small amounts of cash. “At this stage there is simply very little left, even if you have money,” according to the internal assessment by one humanitarian group seen by The Associated Press.

Uganda Police Arrest Opposition Figure, Setting Off Deadly Protests (NYT) The police in Uganda said three people died and 38 were injured in protests that broke out on Wednesday in Uganda’s capital after officers arrested Bobi Wine, a musician and opposition politician seeking the presidency in next year’s election. A police spokesman, Fred Enanga, said Mr. Wine, whose real name is Robert Kyagulanyi Ssentamu, was arrested for violating Covid-19 guidelines that require presidential candidates to meet or address fewer than 200 people. Mr. Wine, who has been arrested numerous times in recent years, has captured the imagination of many Ugandans with his persistent calls for President Yoweri Museveni to retire after 36 years in power.

[husheduphistory]

The Hanging and the Hermit: The Tragic Timing of William Wilson

Just southwest of Hummelstown, Pennsylvania is a place carved by nature and visited by humans for hundreds of years. The caves have had many names, Wilson Cave, Hummelstown Cave, Stoverdale Cave, Giant’s Cave, Indian Cave, and the most recent moniker, Indian Echo Caverns. Since 1929 the caves have been open to the public with tours regularly walking through and marveling at the natural wonders. Hundreds of thousands of people walk the cavern paths each year, but what some may not know is that one corner of the caves houses a story of betrayal, desperation, exile, and death.

The Indian Echo Caverns. Image via Wikipedia.

William “Amos” and Elizabeth Wilson (also known as Harriet) were siblings born in Lebanon, Pennsylvania in the late 1700s. The pair were born two years apart but they were extremely close, remaining in contact as much as possible after William left home at sixteen to become an apprentice stone cutter. When Elizabeth later left home at the age of eighteen she journeyed to Philadelphia where part of her path becomes murky. Some say that she became a servant in the home of a wealthy family, others say she found work at the Indian Queen Tavern. What is known for certain is that during her time in Philadelphia her tragic fate was sealed. Elizabeth met a young man by the name of Smith and by 1784 she had at least one child with him, many accounts reporting that she had twins. The problem was that Smith was already married and had no intention of continuing his life with Elizabeth or the children. In October 1784 Elizabeth went missing for several days. When she returned the children were gone and Elizabeth was unable to speak.

Within days the horrific fate of her infants was revealed when their bodies were found in the woods by a hunter. With the discovery came the accusations, all of which were sharply pointed toward Elizabeth. The authorities acted quickly, arresting Elizabeth and committing her to prison to await trial for the murder of her babies. When the day arrived for the young woman to face a judge the courtroom was bursting at the seams with many people who knew Elizabeth well and could not believe, refused to believe, that she was capable of the accusations before her. The numbers did not sway anything in her favor and after eleven hours the judge handed down the ultimate sentence. Elizabeth Wilson would hang on December 7th 1785.

Far from the fury and horror of the courthouse, William did not learn of the accusations against his sister until after her sentencing was handed down. Arriving at the jail on December 3rd, William was finally able to convince Elizabeth to speak and her words revealed what he believed to be the true story. According to William, Elizabeth told him that on that horrible October day Smith contacted her, asked her to meet him, and told her to bring the children along. While walking through the woods en route to their meeting he surprised Elizabeth, killed the babies and then attacked her, telling her that if she ever spoke of the incident he would kill her as well. The shock of the ordeal plunged her into a severe state of trauma rendering her unable to speak and therefor unable to defend herself against any accusation in court. William knew his sister, he believed his sister, and now he took it upon himself to set her free.

William had only four days to save Elizabeth’s life. Riding from town to town, he began voraciously gathering information, talking to witnesses and judges, and building the case for her innocence. He finally made his way to the Commonwealth’s executive authority, the Supreme Executive Council, and plead his case for a pardon for Elizabeth. Here William was partially successful, gaining the support of Council Vice-President Charles Biddle. Biddle felt certain about  Elizabeth’s innocence and the rest of the Council, although not as convinced as Biddle, decided to grant a stay of execution to allow William to further build his case. The execution was rescheduled for January 3rd 1786 and for the Wilson siblings the clock began counting down.

Charles Biddle.

William continued his pursuit of information and some accounts say that he tracked down Smith who claimed he never even met Elizabeth. It didn’t matter, William had witnesses connecting him to Elizabeth and he was prepared to bring their names to the Council. William may have felt he won the fight, but before he could deliver the new information an illness derailed him just before Christmas. William recovered but his deadline loomed dangerously close, it was now the day before Elizabeth was scheduled to hang.

With only hours left William arrived at the home of the Supreme Executive Council President, Benjamin Franklin. Franklin directed him to the home of Biddle and believing fully that Elizabeth would be pardoned with just a little more time, Biddle wrote another stay of execution, “Do not execute Wilson until you hear further from Council.” William had fifteen miles between him and the execution site in Chester, Pennsylvania. He jumped on his horse and rode.

The ride to Chester was hindered by everything imaginable. A violent storm thrashed all around William and when he arrived at the Schuylkill River he was faced with a tragic set of circumstance. The storm had already destroyed the bridges, ferry boats were not running, and the river tossed in front of him with no way to cross. After pacing the riverbank for a time he made his move, attempting to cross on horseback, but the horse could not complete the crossing. He finally threw himself into the freezing water, swimming across with the stay of execution in hand. William made it across, found another horse, and raced toward the jail, but it was too late. When he arrived at the execution site his sister was hanging from the gallows. Realizing what his appearance meant and seeing the stay of execution her body was cut down by the sheriff and they attempted to revive her but Elizabeth was gone, dying only minutes before William’s arrival with the paper that would have saved her life.  

An illustration showing the arrival of William at the execution site. The word appearing above his head reads “A Pardon”.

The murder of her children stunned Elizabeth into temporary silence but the death of Elizabeth completely rocked William to his core. For months he remained in a state of semi-delirium, unable to reconcile in his mind the many strikes that pushed his sister to her death only moments before he could have saved her. When he recovered from the shock William declared that he no longer had any interest in the outside world. He wandered the region in solitude until he found a cave hidden inside a forest twelve miles from Hummelstown, Pennsylvania.

William made the caverns his home for nineteen years, creating a living space out of one room where he kept a table, a stool, a few utensils, and a bed of straw gathered on a ledge ten feet from the ground that he accessed with a simple ladder. Among his few possessions he kept a copy of the Bible which he studied from in between his regular morning and evening church services. For the remainder of his life he was a mostly solitary man deeply committed to cleanliness, reading, and writing. He was a prolific writer, penning many pieces but never sharing them with anyone, intending for them to be published only after his death. He claimed he was content with his life, never desiring to be involved with the world and people around him. The death of his sister gave him “a wound which they can never heal.”

The ledge where William slept. Image via flickr user Sherrie.

One of the few people to encounter William on a semi-regular basis was a farmer who paid him to do odd jobs and to carve millstones. On October 13th 1821 William did not show up to the farm so the farmer went looking for him. When he arrived at the cave he found the remnants of a fire, one of the many William regularly lit under his stone ledge to keep warm in the chilly cave. Laying in the straw was a lifeless William, likely taken by smoke inhalation.

According to reports, William was buried in an unmarked grave on the farmer’s property. It was only after his death that the farmer learned his friend’s story after finding numerous writings and William’s journal detailing the tragic tale of his sister. Among his many writings was a manuscript entitled The Sweets of Solitude: Instructions to Mankind How They May Be Happy in a Miserable World, published posthumously as William intended.

An illustration of The Pennsylvania Hermit.

Today a visit to the Indian Echo Caves costs less than twenty dollars and promises a breathtaking look into the natural hidden wonders of Pennsylvania. Reviews include words like “pleasant”, “beautiful”, and “wonderful”, all well deserved praises. Less easy to find among the guest comments is the tragic tale of William Wilson, “The Pennsylvania Hermit” who was minutes from saving one life and spent nineteen years of his own living in the caves with only his memories, his regrets, and a “wound” the outside world could “never heal.”

In 1839 the story of William Wilson was published in an account that included his manuscript The Sweets of Solitude: Instructions to Mankind How They May Be Happy in a Miserable World, it can be read here.

[psychedelic-freak-out]

What are you addicted to?

Started with music, then turned to me aggressively smoking pot, tripping way more than I should have, then prescription medications I messed with for a while, getting vicodin for a wrist surgery at 14. When I graduated coke was a big thing in my town, so many people were doing it but most of it is really shitty and just gave me an even stronger urge to do other things. At this point my twin sister had already overdosed on heroin the night of our prom, my dad and I had revived her, but she still struggled with her boyfriend who had been an addict for years at that point. I was so hateful towards hard drugs after that, but I ended up going through a really hard time in my life, dealing with a break up, working two jobs and losing my childhood home all in a short time, I moved in with a guy I had been friends with since I was 14 and he was about 2 years deep into his addiction already. I was almost 19 the first time I tried heroin, and I remember instantly knowing it was a feeling I didnt want to live without. I told myself I could actually moderate it, and I did for awhile. I quit my second job and stayed at the same one for around 3 years actually, functioning on drugs for the better part of a year, keeping it my secret from all but maybe 3 people and the people I met through drugs. That was so dangerous, living life like that in secret. Not to mention everything in MA was quickly turning to fentanyl, which is more addictive than morphine, and way more likely to make you overdose, plus narcan/naloxone doesnt always help- my sister needed like 3 when she OD’d, and I’ve heard of people needing more. H quickly changed me, made me bitter towards anything that wasn’t it, even though it was a constant battle with H itself. I told myself I wasn’t hurting others because they didnt even see me doing the things I did, because “I only stole from stores, not the people I loved”, because addiction will tell you anything to keep you in that animalistic “survival” state as my boyfriend and I call it. But basically about a year into doing harder drugs, one night I made the awful mistake of mixing what my friend told me was “liquid xanax” (basically just research chemicals), H, and alcohol, I went from being out and about with my friend, to waking up starfished on my parents front lawn, my head cracked open from me falling into the front cement stairs, me getting up to greet my parents because I couldn’t even feel my head, let alone realize how messed up I was. My mom literally laid in bed next to me and held me the whole night, and I had no idea until she told me the next morning. A day or so later, I remember I had to work all day and I was going through withdrawals towards the end of the day and of course was freaking out trying to figure out how to pickup. I figure out a plan and my boyfriend at the time who was also my manager at work was gonna bring me home from work that day and I was gonna pull my usual “oh I don’t feel good” or whatever so he’d drop me off and not know what I was up to, but I was stupid when I was stuck in that mindset and I can’t believe I thought I could hide it from him or my parents. I got home to an intervention with him and my parents, and an hour later was on my way to a detox in Boston. Freaking out because I was sick, I chugged the rest of the liquid nightmare stuff, and stumbled my way through my first night of detox, which wasn’t much considering I got there late at night. I remember waking up in so much pain the first day though, and everyone there looking at me like “you don’t look as happy as you did!” and me just thinking “I met you??” and realizing I was all alone in a well-known detox on Mass Ave (one of the worst places for drugs in Boston). It was the scariest and hardest week of my life. I did a methodone detox because I was way too sick and weak to try anything else, and I remember I actually came out of detox sicker than I went in because of it, which only pushed me further into my addict mindset, telling me “suboxone! get on the clinic!”- another wrong choice for me. Medical Assisted Treatment can help so so many people, don’t get me wrong. Like with everything, it depends on the person. Suboxone is a synthetic opiate, basically acting to get rid of physical withdrawal symptoms, and works as a blocker in your brain and makes it so you cannot get high on opiates. I ended up being on the clinic for 6 months which started out great, but soon turned into just another addiction. The clinic prescribed me a way higher dose than I needed, which made it super easy for me to sell or trade the subs for other drugs or cash. Not to mention it was just another thing I had to wake up and take every day, and you get sick if you don’t. Another prescription to fill and pickup weekly, biweekly, monthly. I ended up relapsing and after a few months of not talking, the friend since 14 that I had used with for my first time, and who I tried to help get clean so many times, was finally clean. And it hit me like a ton of bricks- he sounds so amazing, he looks so fucking good, and he sounds like HIMSELF again- the kid I fell in love with SIX years ago, before all the insane shit we went and put ourselves through. It took detoxing in jail for a month and getting put on probation, but the fact that he was THANKFUL for that and looking at this as an opportunity to build a new and even better him, was so inspiring to me. I went from basically the streets and living at dealers houses, to moving back in with him to focus on recovery, and I can’t even begin to explain how rewarding it has been. Recovery will always be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but I also have to be honest and say I do not regret doing any of it. Anything and everything can be a learning experience, its just how you look at it and what you do with it. My addiction is once again music and art- I’ve made goals to learn something new everyday, to find new music, to learn lyrics, to get better with my memory. I’m planning my future and it looks so exciting, even though I’ve officially had to start over with NOTHING. My clothes all got stolen and lost, I had sold every bong, pipe, art piece, everything I cared about. I even lost my wallet and social security at one point, and I can’t begin to tell you how awful that felt. But I kept going, and things aren’t rapidly getting better, but I realize you get what you put into things, you have to make the daily decision to want to be better, it doesn’t just happen. And for anyone curious, I did detox from suboxone and my boyfriend and I are full supporters and advocators of VIVITROL/NALTREXONE. There are pills you can take daily, but I highly recommend getting the monthly shot in your ass, because this stuff has the amazing benefit of blocking opiates and making it so you can’t get high, but is completely not addictive or dependable, no physical symptoms occur.Thankyou so much to anyone who takes the time to read this, I’ve been wanting to post something like this for awhile but quite honestly I’ve been trying really hard to focus on myself in order to be able to at all be useful to others lol proud of everyone who woke up today though, and a huge rest in peace to those who might not, and to those I know who haven’t made it. My inbox is always open- I haven’t had my own phone for the better half of a year so I may not answer right away, but I will always try.

[trickshxt]

Who the Heck is Barney Barton?

So the hazard of playing c-list characters is you often come across the fact that they are a) not in any movies or shows and b) barely in any comics. Fear not though! Because no one has time to read the (arguably not great) few runs Barney is actually in, I’m here to give you an abbreviated history of just who 616-comic verse Charles “Barney” Bernard Barton is!

Charles Bernard Barton is born in Waverly, Iowa on August 4th. He is the first son of Harold and Edith and the eventual big brother to one Clint Barton.

The early Barton household was toxic - Harold was a drunk and abusive and when Barney was 11 Harold and Edith die in a drunk driving accident with little fanfare.

Barney and Clint bounce around from foster care for a few years.

At the age of 14, Barney convinces Clint to run away to the Carson’s Carnival of Traveling Wonders.

Under the Swordsman, Clint and Barney learn how to throw knives, fight with swords, and steal. During this time, Barney takes on the role of sole provider for the boys and essentially raises Clint.

Realizing how deep the Swordsman’s crime ring goes, Barney eventually starts working on his GED with hopes of doing more with his life. He tries to convince Clint to do the same, but disagreements begin to cause a rift.

When Clint confronts the Swordsman about stealing from the carnival itself, a fight leaves Clint in the hospital and the Swordsman flees. 

The brothers argue, furthering the rift. Barney, 21 and GED in hand, tries to get Clint to join the Army with him. When Clint refuses, Barney leaves.

Barney is with the Army for 8 years. He is honorably discharged and joins the FBI.

At 32, Barney shows up at the Avengers HQ to warn them of Egghead’s doomsday ray in space. He accompanies the team - including Clint at the time - to space to destroy the ray. In the process, he is killed.

Barney’s body is recovered by Egghead, who - upon finding the faintest signs of life - puts him in an accelerated healing chamber.

Barney is in suspended animation for an undetermined amount of time.

After Egghead is killed and the incident with Moonstone, Baron Zemo discovers Barney and revives him fully with help of the moonstones.

Trained by Clint’s old mentor, the original Trick Shot, Barney engages in a death match with a nearly blind Clint. Barney loses.

Regardless of this, Barney still willingly agrees to donate bone marrow to save Clint’s eyesight.

Barney is kept jailed in Avengers Tower until the events of Fear Itself. He is inside the Tower when it collapses and sustains severe injuries.

While in the hospital, Barney’s death is faked by Norman Osborn and he is recruited into Osborn’s SECOND team of Dark Avengers.

When this team is defeated, Barney is jailed with the rest of the now defeated team at The Raft.

He is recruited to the Dark Avengers again in order to find a missing team of Thunderbolts. It is during this time that he is implanted with nanites to insure he remains under Luke Cage and SHIELD’s control.

During this rescue attempt, Barney is part of the team that is accidentally dumped into the Dark Dimension. Here, the team’s nanites are rewired by Hank Pym to ensure they can be controlled by a twisted, dark version of Tony Stark.

Barney and company escape the Dark Dimension and with the help of Toxie Doxie evade SHIELD custody.

Barney eventually reconciles with Clint (see Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye run).

Want the full history? Take a gander here! Otherwise, the above is for the most part canon on this blog. I will state that I have the right to change or tweak the the above at any time, but for the most part this is Barney’s history as per 616-canon.

A few things that are worth noting that have changed for this blog:

Barney was in suspended animation for 3-5 years before he was found and revived by Baron Zemo.

It is not stated explicitly how Baron Zemo convinces Barney to fight Clint to the death. This blog recognizes a certain amount of involuntary manipulation and will continue to do so.

Barney’s nanite control is currently held by SHIELD. The existence of these nanites is not known outside of SHIELD, the Dark Dimension (if it still exists), and individuals with the ability to deep hack the above two.

Barney went back to a life of crime to support himself after leaving the Dark Avengers.

Because of his ties to said crime ring (and for his ‘work’ with enhanced individuals) Barney was offered a probational position with the FBI. The alternative was jail.

He busted a large part of the Swordsman’s old crime ring and continues to try to take it down to this day.

As of right now, Barney is on good relations with Simone and her family, but is not currently engaged in a relationship with her.

He does not own an island.

Barney currently goes by Charles Bernard to distance himself from his own bad name (and from Clint).

[steampunk-magicalgirl]

Mason Pines and the revival of a maffia

The city of Portland, Oregon has always been strange. But with pro-nats rallying in the streets and the supernatural population constantly fearing for their lives the tension has never been higher!

The city needs the dinner crew, but the dinner crew is currently inactive.

It's time to do something about that!

(yet another transcendence au fic lol) 

on ao3

´´BAN ALL THE MONSTERS! BAN ALL THE MONSTERS! BAN ALL THE MONSTERS!´´

She tightened her grip on the pole and held the sign up higher, the sound of sirens in the distance drowned out by the people all around her screaming.

´´BAN ALL THE MONSTERS! BAN ALL THE MONSTERS!´´

Warm bodies pressing closer to her own, she attempted to take a step forward, only to be pushed back by the behind of a large man slamming into her.

´´BAN ALL THE MONSTERS! BAN ALL THE MONSTERS!´´

Something seemed to be forcing the line of people back, in the split second that the man in front of her stepped aside she managed to catch a glimpse of several police officers decked out in heavy protection gear and wielding shields forcefully pushing her line of protesters back. Swept along with the sea of people, she struggled to stay on her feet as one of the protesters raised a small object up in the air and tossed it.

´´BAN ALL THE MONSTERS! BAN ALL THE MONSTERS!´´

Eyes tearing up, she struggled to take a deep breath as gas filled the air around her. People were pushing from all sides now, desperate to get away, but nobody able to see a damn thing! She could feel her chest tightening and heart beating faster as she threw her sign on the ground and started frantically trying to push her way through the sea of fleeing people.

´´BAN ALL THE MONSTERS! BAN ALL THE MONSTERS!´´

After what felt like forever, but what was in reality probably only about a minute, her outstretched hands finally made contact with a cold concrete wall. Following the wall she soon found herself stumbling blindly into an alley. She sank to the ground almost immediately, trying to calm down and catch her breath while rubbing furiously at her eyes.

Well, this was a catastrophe. At least dad didn’t know that she had gone here, he’d no doubt freak out once the gassing incident reached the news. Now she just had to make her way home and pretend that this never happened, maybe that she’d been out with a friend.  

A hand grabbed her from behind.

Fuck.

 *

 Robert Pines had been having a great day so far. The sun was shining, bird were singing, and all the bills had been payed on time, so yes, all in all a great day. That was, until the police came in with his daughter in handcuffs.

´´You sure are lucky miss. If you’d been anyone else you’d be spending the night in a jail cell.´´

´´Thank you so much for bringing her home then officer. I  promise that this won’t happen again,´´

´´hmph´´ the officer reluctantly uncuffed and handed over Robert’s daughter, before he turned around and headed out the door. Once the police were gone, Robert turned all his attention to the sulking teenager in front of him

´´I can’t believe you Mason! You should know better than to put yourself in danger like that!´´

´´…sorry,´´ Mason said quietly ´´it wasn’t that bad though,´´

´´Not that bad? You literally just came home in handcuffs! ´´

´´Yeah, unfair isn’t it? Doesn’t it make you mad-´´

´´Mason,´´

´´- it wasn’t me who should have been wearing them, those pro-nats -´´

´´Mason! Listen to me!´´ the girl went quiet, but kept her gaze focused on Robert ´´Thank you. Now, stop trying to change the subject and think for a second. I may not agree with their ideology, but what those people were doing was completely lawful – ´´

´´you mean trying to ban innocent people from existing?´´ Mason mumbled angrily, but Robert chose to ignore her

´´  - and anyone could have figured out that just waltzing up there and screaming in their faces would have ended badly.´´

´´but-´´

´´No buts! You’re grounded for the rest of the week, now go to your room!´´ Mason shot Robert a look of pure disbelief before she turned on her heels and marched angrily towards the stairs. Before she went up them though, she stopped on the bottom step and turned once more to face her dad

´´What a great Don you are. You’re not even trying to protect your own crew members.´´ Robert didn’t say anything, Mason didn’t either, they just held each others gaze for a few seconds longer than necessary before the girl turned around again and finally made her way up the staircase.    

Robert let out a heavy sigh and sat down on the living room couch.

Protect your own crewmembers, sometimes Robert really worried that Mason was taking the whole dinner crew thing to seriously. Yes, he had hear the stories, and yes, he knew exactly what the organization had been like in it’s glory days, but that was hundreds of years ago! Right now, the dinner crew was just a little more than an urban legend, giving the Pines family a special place in the eyes of the law and some level of respect from Portland’s oldest citizens but nothing more, and Robert fully intended to keep it that way. With things being the way they were, the world didn’t need more vigilantes roaming the streets.

If only his daughter could understand that.

  *

  Mason wasn’t angry at her dad. Sitting at her desk, scrolling aimlessly through social media, she knew that she should probably be more upset about the whole thing. Oh she was upset with the police for arresting her and taking the actual offenders side, she was angry at the protester who’d thrown that damn gas bomb at them and ruined everything, but dad? Dad meant well, he really did. And she knew that he was just doing his best to look out for her but really, she was almost 18, she could take care of herself! Dad should be more concerned with the preternaturals that the pro-nats were threatening. Wasn’t it the dinner crew’s job to protect them? Wasn’t that why her great-great-something grandpa had founded it in the first place? So no, Mason wasn’t angry but she was… disappointed. She liked another cat picture on her screen, and kept thinking. Dad really had to start taking his job as the Don more seriously. Sure, he insisted that there wasn’t much for him to do, with the crew having been very inactive for years now, but couldn’t that just be because no one had tried to put it back together yet? Really, how hard could it be, Mason bet that even she could do it!

Hey, maybe she should do it! Now would be a good time, right? But how would she manage to do that? Dad would certainly not approve, let alone help her. And Mason had no contact whatsoever with already existing members, not to mention that most of them had left Portland long ago. No, Mason needed help if she was really going to pull this of, the question was who would be able to help her…

 *

 The answer came to her 3 weeks later, while working on her personal project of compiling the family tree. She had already made it as far back as great-great-something grandpa Hank’s branch, and there she had noticed a bit of an… oddity. Namely, her g-grandpa’s old documents almost all contained mentions of an uncle. Someone who, according to every official record, should have been long dead and gone at the time of g-grandpa���s birth. And yet, here Hank was talking and writing about him as if though he’d known him personally. This piqued Mason’s interest, and the deeper she dug into it, the more she managed to find, until she was almost certain that she could link this mysterious uncle to another unexplained yet prominent figure in the family’s history.

Alcor.

It felt right. Even though all her internet searches had turned up nothing noteworthy when looking more into it Mason felt confident that she’d reached the right answer. Alcor was a Pines, and even better, Alcor had apparently been friends with Hank, aka the original Don Pines. Meaning that he’d at some point been involved with the dinner crew, meaning that any and all of the oldest members most likely knew him! Alcor was the person Mason needed to make this plan happen, no doubt about it.

She just needed to find a good way to talk to him.

 *

 He hadn’t planned to answer this summoning at first. The summoner had used a very basic circle, and the sacrifice used was nothing more than a half-eaten candy bar. Such a sloppy summoning was rarely done seriously, and the few times that they were well… what could a person with no means to find a better sacrifice than their own leftovers possibly have to offer him? However, this one felt different. Something about the feeling he got from the tugging at his being told Dipper that he’d better answer this one, so he went to have a look. He went to have a look, and was pleasantly surprised at the sight of his nephew’s current incarnation standing with her hands resting on her hips and a smug smile on her face in front of him. Still, Dipper didn’t know this person, better to play it safe.

´´W̢҉͜H̀̀͢O̷ ͟͡͞D̶͢A̛͟R̵̢͝E̷̛S ̸̡҉S͏U҉͏͘M̸̨̨M̴̷͟ON҉ AL͜C̢O͠R̡̀̕ T̵H̢E̵͏ ͝D͜RÈ̷A͜͠M̕͘B̧E̸N̡̡D̴E̴̛R?̢͞҉´´  

´´Greetings Alcor. Or should I maybe say, hi uncle Dipper?´´ a cold shiver ran down Dipper’s none existing spine, but he was careful as to not let the surprise show on his face. Did she know? How? She shouldn’t be able to remember, and while her aura emitted a sense of slight familiarity towards him, it was nowhere near the level that one would expect from a child that they’d practically helped raise. His surprise must have still shown though, because the girl grinned. ´´I’m right aren’t I? You really are Dipper Pines! I knew it!´´ Dipper raised an eyebrow and peered suspiciously at the girl.

´´… w̧h̷o ar̕e y̨o̴u͡?´´

´´Sorry, how rude of me.´´ the girl made a move to extend her hand, but seemed to think better of it and opted to give a little wave instead ´´Mason Pines, nice to meet you!´´ internally, Dipper laughed. She was a Pines! Of course! She was a Pines and her name was Mason! Externally though, he recovered from the surprise as best he could and tried to keep the mask on a little longer, because this may have been one of his niblings (in more ways than one apparently), but she was still a person that Dipper hadn’t met before. And she’d used one of his more well known circles, not the family one, so he doubted she’d summoned him just to hang out. Not to mention that it had been years since he’d last interacted with this particular branch of the family.

…it couldn’t hurt to be a little friendly though.

´´ Mason Pines huh? Well then, girl who shares my name, what can I do for you?´´ Mason’s face lit up a little as Dipper confirmed her theory, then it quickly darkened.

´´I need your help with something, but first I need to confirm something,´´

´´Oh? And what would that be?´´

´´How well do you know the dinner crew?´´      

[papermoonloveslucy]

MEET THE PRESS

August 3, 1969

You are clued into the frank and tough talk to come by the way Lucille Ball swipes away with her handkerchief at the flies threatening the hors d’oeuvres The kerchief almost snaps like a wet towel. 

The scene is the pool patio of her home on Beverly Hills’ Roxbury Drive and a cocktail party is in progress for visiting television editors. 

Lucy has just emerged from the main house. She wears a powder blue double-breasted slack suit and saucer-sized sun glasses. In the blazing sun her orange hair has the color intensity of hot coals. 

She has counted heads. Husband-producer Gary Morton is there. So are Desi Arnaz IV her son, and Lucy her daughter. And her TV side-kick Gale Gordon with his wife. Plus a half-dozen of her staff and CBS emissaries. There have been introductions all round to the newspaper types. It is time, she announces, to talk and she waves everybody into the big and comfortable pool house. A table has been positioned so that she can sit there presiding as she used to do at the stockholders’ meetings of the old Desilu Studios. 

Almost immediately some wag fields her the question: “Lucy do you run the show?” She flashes him that big innocent TV look of hers. A staff member jumps up “Let’s all answer that one for her” There is a resounding “YES” from family-and-cast. Everybody laughs uproariously.

Very few questions are required to prime the pump. Lucy, it seems, has some matters of personal irritation on her mind and as far as she is concerned they come tumbling out without any prodding from her would-be interrogators. 

First of all, she asks rhetorically, what’s all this business about whether she would retire? “I never said I wanted to quit or retire. There was a time when I was willing to quit but nobody asked me. Now I’ve set a date when I’ll retire” 

A lot of ears perk up Somebody asks slyly — when? She’s waiting for that. Her answer is smilingly emphatic: “When I drop dead in my tracks.” 

She turns then without anybody’s questioning to the matter of her longevity in television. This is her 18th year on the tube and it used to be talked about that she traded her popularity to CBS in return for its buying other shows produced by her company. This evokes an almost visible jet of steam out of the top of her carrot locks. “I never at any time sold any of the 20 shows our company produced on the basis of my returning each season. I’ve said that literally hundreds of times and nobody believed it.” 

She went on to make it clear that she also dislikes the “big business” image which has adhered to her over the years. “I never like to talk about big money. I make my deal and that’s all. It’s been mostly a matter of legal procedures.” 

As the star wades into these fiscal subjects your eye roams over the assemblage. Young Desi in tennis togs impassively studies the smoke curling up from a cigarette. Young Lucy clutches her hands around her knees and stares intently at her mother. Husband Gary sitting on a ledge at the back of the room swings his legs and smiles. 

There has been no mention of Desi the elder the former husband Lucy’s co-performer and co-founder of Desilu Studios (now sold). Earlier this writer had chatted briefly with young Desi. He said he saw his father off and on and spends his summers as a rule at the father’s beach home at Delmar, south of Los Angeles. 

The youngster asked if I knew his grandfather Dr. Desiderio Arnaz who lives in Coral Gables.  (1)

But back to Lucy She’s telling us how many years it took to realize that as Lucille Ball she had attained V.I.P. status.

She reviews the years she spent trying to make it in show business, first on the stage, then as a model, and finally in the movies. Much of the time she says she stagnated. Until television came along. 

“I never had any sense of importance. I was very pliable always willing to do what I was told It wasn’t until one day I saw in print somewhere some actress described as a ‘Lucille Ball type’ that I knew suddenly I was somebody and a part of the business.” 

From there on the interview jumps from subject to subject. 

I ask her whatever happened to the project Dean Martin’s producer Greg Garrison had for starring Martin, her, and Jackie Gleason in a revival of the musical “Guys and Dolls.”  (2)

“I never said I would do it. Garrison kept publicizing it, but he never cleared it with me. I do still want to do ‘Diamond Jim’ with Jackie It’s just a matter of finding the time.” (3)

A lady editor wants to know how Lucy keeps her sinuous figure. 

“I don’t particularly like food. I’m not very fond of meat, for example, except in the morning.” 

Which brings a snort of disgust from her husband. “Can you imagine what it’s like to have to watch her eating corned beef or hamburger at 6 o’clock in the morning?” 

The questions now go to the children. What are Desi’s plans? Does he want to make acting his future? “I want to be an actor for awhile but I don’t think I ever want to be one certain thing.” 

Young Lucy, who, at 18, is two years older than her brother, is more sure of her future “I’ll go to college for awhile but I like acting. I’ll stay at it if I can.” 

Would she somebody asks join the campus protest and carry a sign? Only if it says ‘wet paint’ quips she. 

Lucy now introduces her cast veteran, Gale Gordon. He pays her extravagant compliments and talks a bit about his radio and early television days. 

The interview’s late arrival is venerable George Marshall, who is now the show’s director. Lucy introduces him as “our sexy senior citizen.” Marshall goes back to the dawn of movies and is filled with fascinating anecdotes about his years in the business. (4)

The conversation turns to TV’s talk shows. Somebody suggests to Lucy that she would be a highly likely guest for Merv Griffin’s new show starting on CBS Aug 18. (5)

Lucy's answer comes lancing back “That’s what you think. I don’t like him.” Which rocks everybody back. Why not? “Because he doesn’t know how to interview. He’s rude to his guests and he monopolizes the conversation.” 

She doesn’t wait for the next question. “I’m wild about Dick Cavett (on ABC) I think he’s great And I told Bill Paley (board chairman of CBS) he should have him on our network. But Bill said ABC got him first and we’re out of luck.” (6)

Everybody is suddenly distracted by three teen-age girl fans leaning over a fence way up front. They’re begging to be allowed on the grounds. Morton jogs forward to shoo them away. 

“This happens all the time,” says Lucy. “My God they used to picnic right in front of the house until our police department stopped them. Jimmy Stewart, who lives up the street, finally told me how to keep them away. Turn on the lawn sprinklers.” 

Morton returns and takes everybody for a tour of their luxurious but very lived-in home. Lucy tells us a funny story about how Jack and Mary Benny had once been their next door neighbors sold their home then asked her to try to mediate a re-sale of the place back to them. Then we take our leave.

#    #    # FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) Dr. Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y Alberni II (1894-1973) was a Cuban politician and the father of Desi Arnaz. He graduated from the Southern College of Pharmacy in 1913 in Atlanta, Georgia. Desiderio Arnaz II was the youngest mayor of Santiago de Cuba (1923–32). When president Machado was overthrown in August 1933, Arnaz was arrested and jailed. Six months later, he was allowed to go into exile. He married Dolores "Lolita" de Acha y de Socias in 1916 and had one son, Desiderio "Desi" Arnaz III. He later had a daughter, Connie Arnaz (1932), with Anne M. Wilson, whom he married in 1941.

(2) Guys & Dolls was a 1950 stage musical by Frank Loesser, based on the stories by Damon Runyon starring Robert Alda, who appeared on several episodes of “The Lucy Show” and “Here’s Lucy”.  It was filmed by MGM in 1955. During that time, Lucy and Desi were also under contract to MGM, so they prevailed upon “I Love Lucy” to insert a clip from the film into “Lucy and the Dummy” (ILL S5;E3). After its initial airing on October 17, 1955, the clip was removed from the film print, and for legal reasons, has never been restored. It is unclear whether Garrison’s project with Martin, Ball, and Gleason would have been a film revival, or a stage production. Whatever it was to be, Lucy wanted to have no part of it, perhaps remembering the rigors of performing on stage in Wildcat (1960). During her film career, Ball was in two films based on Damon Runyon material, The Big Street (1942), a film she claimed as her favorite, and Sorrowful Jones (1949). She also did a radio version of Runyon’s “Tight Shoes” in 1942. Ball and Gleason would have been cast as Miss Adelaide and Nathan Detroit, while Dean Martin would have played Sky Masterson, the romantic lead. Those roles were played by Vivian Blaine, Frank Sinatra, and Marlon Brando in the film. Obviously, the project never came to be. 

(3) “Diamond Jim” was a project that Lucy dearly wanted to make with Gleason. He would play Diamond Jim Brady (1856-1917) to her Lillian Russell. Ball even went so far as to have a script written to further grab Gleason’s attention. Despite their best intentions, Gleason and Ball’s schedules never allowed for enough time to make the film. 

(4) George Marshall (1891-1975) had directed Lucille Ball in Valley of the Sun (1942) and Fancy Pants (1950).  He was considered an expert at location shooting, so when “Here’s Lucy” wanted to spend the first four episodes of Season 2 on location, Marshall was hired as director. He stayed on for seven more episodes of the sitcom before bowing out. 

(5) Despite Lucille Ball’s rather harsh public assessment of Merv Griffin (1925-2007) at this August 1969 press party, Ball appeared on “The Merv Griffin Show” four times between 1971 and 1980! During her first appearance, the aforementioned George Marshall was also a guest! 

(6) Lucille did seem to enjoy doing the talking to Dick Cavett, although she only got to do his chat show once, on March 7, 1974, in conjunction with her press tour for Mame. 

[acuatique]

Understanding the relationship between Takasugi and Gintoki

This is gonna be a long one, so please bear with me. 

So from the very beginning of the series, we’ve been trying to understand the entire dynamic of these two complex characters, Takasugi Shinsuke and Sakata Gintoki. Up until the Tendoshu plot began unraveling, we’ve seen Takasugi as the primary antagonist. The trope is fairly easy to understand- two characters who completely contrast each other- we have Gintoki, a person who has a positive outlook on life, and forges relationships on the way. Shinsuke on the other hand, is focused on the entire “I will destroy this world” complex, and makes more enemies than friends (apart from his loyal comrades in the Kiheitai). Yet, these two share some very compelling similarities- the love they share for their teacher, and protecting what really matters to them. Having the same purpose, even if they carry out their way of fulfilling it differently (we’ll get to this later.) 

If we examine their relationship from their childhood, we can see that they do share a sense of rivalry- especially on Takasugi’s end, counting the wins/losses. However, they do respect each other- their teacher is instrumental in instilling this realisation in them, that perhaps they aren’t that different. Katsura on the other hand acts as the mediator between them, because he can see both of their POV’s since he has personally experienced loss as well. 

Fast forward to the time when Shouyou sensei gets arrested, and the three of them lose their father/teacher/guardian figure. We see two different reactions:

Gintoki, one of sensei’s earliest students, can immediately understand that Shouyou knows the implications of being arrested. He does try his best to prevent his sensei from being handed over to the Naraku, but seeing his teacher willingly leave, he can tell something’s up. 

Takasugi, also having tried his best, but unable to save Shouyou from being taken. Takasugi is someone who was disowned by his family, and craves the intimacy he gets from being like a son to Shouyou. Seeing his teacher stripped away from him instills a huge amount of anger in him. 

Fast forward to the Joui war, we have Takasugi, Gintoki and Katsura fighting for the soul purpose of avenging their sensei. In comes Sakamoto, and the Joui4 is born. Together they fight in what ends up ultimately being a losing battle. But one thing we need to understand here is that they aren’t fighting against the amanto for taking over the country- they’re fighting to get what matters to them back, and that’s Shouyou sensei. 

At the end of the battle, we have Oboro giving Gintoki a choice:

Kill your teacher (and mind you this was the first time they saw him after he was arrested)

or, kill your comrades (Takasugi, Katsura)

Like I’ve said before, Gintoki understands sensei in a way that’s different from the other two- he knows what it is that sensei would want. He knows that above everything else, sensei’s dying wish would be to see his students alive. So he is burdened with the task of killing the man who raised him, fathered him, loved him. Takasugi doesn’t understand this- he can’t fathom why Gintoki would want to kill sensei, because he knows sensei mattered to Gin more than anyone else. The fact that he chooses his comrades over his teacher, is the point where their animosity begins. 

Now coming to the Kiheitai’s debut, 20 years after the Joui4 went their separate ways. Mind you, we’ve seen Takasugi once before, when he attempted to assassinate the Shogun with Gengai’s robots. His efforts to destroy the Bakufu are ruined by the Yorozuya+Katsura’s joui faction. Here is where we see the “I want to destroy this world that took our Sensei away from us” story begin.

Takasugi continuously attempts to start a civil war within the Bakufu government- we can see this in the Shinsengumi Crisis Arc and the Baragaki arc as well. In between, we have the alliance between Takasugi and Kamui (Odds and Evens, ep 215) 

In the Courtesan of a Nation arc, Takasugi slips into the jail where Tokugawa Sadasada is being kept. In a way, he avenges his teacher by killing the man responsible for what happened to Shouyou. In the end, we get a scene where Gintoki and Takasugi cross each others paths, but it’s only Gintoki who turns back. Gin still shows a slight bit of concern for his old friend- he knows the path he is on will only lead to his own destruction. Takasugi has no reason to turn back, because he still sees Gin as the man who made that wrong choice all those years ago. 

Now we have Takasugi going in for the kill- allying with the Hitotsubashi faction to destroy the current regime in Edo, Kamui alongside him. And then, using the faction as a means to get to, and kill Tokugawa Shigeshige. 

And now, we have a full fledged fight between Gintoki and Takasugi. Quite a considerable amount of their relationship is revealed to us- this is actually where we first see why this animosity exists to begin with. 

Battered, the two part ways yet again with their respective Yato companions (Gintoki, Kagura; Takasugi, Kamui). 

In the Farewell, Shinsengumi arc, the main Tendoshu/Utsuro/Altana plot is revealed. Gintoki is now aware of what his sensei really was. He knows that Utsuro is the man he will have to kill- the man who gave, and stole his beloved Shouyou sensei. 

By the time the decisive battle on Rakuyou has begun, Takasugi is also aware of Utsuro. At this point, Gintoki and Takasugi share the same goal. Destroying Utsuro, and putting an end to his scheme of destroying the Earth. the arc ends with a Joui4 reunion, and again, the two part their ways. 

The next time they meet, they’re on the same fighting side.

With the war done, we have the time skip (2 years later)

By now, Takasugi is fully able to understand Gintoki, and why he chose to save his comrades. He finally forgives him, and now the two try to save Shouyou sensei yet again- using the heart of Utsuro.

Gintoki is Takasugi’s alter ego- he is the part of Takasugi that would have done the same, 20 years ago. More than anything, Takasugi is fighting with himself. He’s fighting with the part of him that would also have chosen to save his comrades over Shouyou sensei all those years ago. Post the time skip he knows why Gintoki made that choice, because he himself faced death, only to have Shouyou sensei save him yet again (through Oboro’s ashes).

To sum it all up, we can split their relationship into  parts-

1.      Childhood rivalry

2.      Joui war camaraderie

3.      Post Joui war animosity and hatred

4.      Protection (Gintoki) vs. Revenge and destruction (Takasugi)

5.      Understanding

6.      Revival of brotherhood

If you managed to get to the end of this, thank you so much for reading!!!

[vmheadquarters]

Hold on to your hairdos: Hulu’s upcoming Veronica Mars revival will contain an appearance by notorious Hearst rapist Mercer Hayes.

TVLine has confirmed that Ryan Devlin, who played the hair-snipping villain, will be part of the eight-episode limited series set to launch later this year.

Fans of the series will remember Mercer as the college-radio DJ/illegal casino svengali whom Veronica revealed as a serial rapist in Season 3. (Remember how he kept the locks of the women he’d violated? Shudder.) The last time we saw him, in “Spit & Eggs,” Mercer and accomplice Moe Flater were about to receive a behind-bars beat-down from Logan, who’d gotten himself thrown in jail for the express purpose of paying them back for attacking Veronica.

Devlin tipped off fans via his Instagram feed Thursday:

Devlin’s post-Veronica career includes stints on Grey’s Anatomy; Brothers & Sisters; Play It Again, Dick; iZombie and Jane the Virgin.

The new episodes will focus on a new mystery as Mars Investigations is hired to look into the murder of a student on spring break. In addition to original cast members Kristen Bell, Enrico Colantoni, Ryan Hansen, Jason Dohring, Percy Daggs III, Francis Capra, David Starzyk, Max Greenfield and Adam Rose, the continuation — which is set five years after the events of the feature film — also stars Dawnn Lewis (A Different World), J.K. Simmons (Counterpart) and Kirby Howell-Baptiste (The Good Place).