#revisiting old fandoms is a delight

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday lovely Fandom :) Phew lord we’ve reached the eps I’ve only watched once. Because I was far too destroyed to watch them again. Knew my second time around would be my rewatch. I’m not ready emotionally. Will I ever be though? lol If we don't laugh we cry right? Ha Anyways I’m on a strict timetable before I move. So press forward I must. Sad at the lack of gifs in this one. But also understandable since we were all anxious af after this one. I am excited to do Tim analysis though. I always enjoy that.

Also pre-shout out to Eric and Melissa in this one. They never cease to amaze me with their acting chops and chemistry. Eric really kills me in this one in particular. Let us begin the slow breaking of our shipper hearts shall we? Also thank you to my readers for going through this with me. Once was hard enough. But revisiting isn’t any easier so thank you for coming with me on this journey. Off we go.

6x05 The Vow

We get our couple immediately after the cold open. I knew going into this ep it was going to be angsty. I just had no idea why or how bad it would be…It’s date night for our beautiful pair. I just love them constantly dating each other. Makes my soul so damn happy. I can’t put it into words well enough. We get ship crack in this opening sequence for sure though. The way they light up when they see one another. That never gets old. Lucy is lighting candles when her man enters in.

Tim couldn’t be any cuter just as happy for date night as she is. Looks like he’s carrying quite a bit into her apt. Lucy instantly notices his present for her. Tim continues with the cuteness and says yes and the beer is for him. This is so domestic I wanna die. This moment started off so precious I knew he we were in for a world hurt tbh. This scene was the calm before the storm.

Tim is not wasting any time getting a thank you kiss in. Lucy is lit up like a Christmas tree as she leans in for said kiss. I adore the smiles going into it. Making my shipper heart giddy af. Also his grip on her arm. Drawing her in nice and close. It’s doing things to me as they melt into each other. Lucy’s questioning face cracks me up as she pulls back. Tim picking up on it right away. Asking her 'What?' With so much sass I’m cackling. How he has grown in his sass heh

Lucy can’t help but note gift giving isn’t his normal love language. Fact that they’re talking about love languages has me reeling so much. It’s just so cute. I'm squeeing at how friggin precious and domestic this is. Tim challenges her back. Asking what is his love language then? Their banter right here is one of their love languages let's be honest LOL Always top tier with some flirtation mixed in for good measure.

Lucy being cute as all hell replies ‘Terse nods mainly.’ I mean she isn’t wrong haha There have been some wonderful sets about this line. Man sure does love his terse nods. For her especially. Mainly her really. Tim continues his trajectory towards adorable with his reply. Letting her know he’s trying to change things up.

The smile on that man’s face. Oh my word. I said this a lot in S5 and I’ll say it again. Have we ever seen this man so damn happy before her? The answer is a sharp no. Not ever. She is the absolute joy in his life. It just radiates out of him when they’re together. Especially when they’re bantering. Ugh my heart. These two kill me in the best way.

Lucy then turns into an adorable little bean herself. Asking Tim if she can open it now? She is so excited about this impromptu gift. No way she can wait through their dinner to open it. Tim say of course she can. I’m sure he was hoping she would open it right away. Especially with the thought he put into it. Also well done on the wrapping good sir.

Lucy’s reaction is delightful. It reminds me of the way she reacted in 6x03 with her trophy. Blown away by this man’s thoughtfulness. Not only that but making her laugh in the process as well. We get a second in love 'Lucy smile' in the second gif. He is so gone for her. Man they were really setting us up for a fall with the goodies they packed into this scene.

I love how Tim locks eyes with her and is beaming ear to ear. No one makes him smile like that except Lucy. Legit the sunshine in this man’s life. I can’t get over how damn happy he looks. My heart might implode at how happy he is. Happiness looks so good on him. Also how proud he looks as well at his choice in gift. Patting himself on the back for it hehe

We see it’s her KIA radio in a display case. Lucy looking at him like he’s hung the moon and stars. Bringing out her own in love 'Tim smile.' She too is beaming right back. Heart eyes paired with that joyful smile. Tim for this moment (not the rest of this ep) is once again 10/10 for her. Commemorating her takedown of Jeff Budny. Saw an excellent parallel between this and 2x12. About Tim giving back things that saved her life for him. My damn heart. I’m fine….

Tim continues on to say it was to memorialize the radio that saved her life. So grateful to that radio for taking the hit it did. I remember thinking how that radio represented her communication problems. Little did I know it would soon represent Tim’s as well. The irony of this gift will hit us painfully hard later in this episode. Having watched rest of the season as well it represents their’s as a couple too. *sigh*

Anyways we get a SECOND kiss in this moment. That’s how I knew it was coming like a freight train at us. We got cuteness, flirtation, banter and two kisses in one scene. They were setting us up for a very hurtful fall. They just look like two happy idiots in love. *dreamy sigh* I wanna die it’s so precious. They fall back into each other for this second kiss.

The look in Lucy’s eyes ready to thank him for this radio. Not with dinner but some sexy times. That kiss before it’s interrupted looked like it was headed for the bedroom. Dinner be damned at that point. The way Tim is leaning heavily into that kiss too. Ready to go in for more. His patented first kiss need an immediate second one well underway. Phew lord. He was more than ready to receive that thanks LOL

Sadly Tamara steps through the door. Doing what she does best. Be a wet blanket for their bedroom endeavors. I love her anyways though haha She instantly apologizes saying she forgot it was date night. Tim sighs as they pull apart and Lucy goes into mom mode after she hits Tim. haha It’s so cute. Little damn family up in here.

Tamara says she can hide in her room. Lucy replies that’s not necessary. That she can make a plate for her room if she’d like though. Then the scene takes a giant shift in tone. Tim receives the phone call that ruins our entire shipper lives. It sounds dramatic but it’s really not…Tim’s whole demeanor changes. Lucy is crazy intuitive to it. Her internal Tim radar going haywire. The tight way he replies and says he has to go.

Lucy wanting follow up questions. It’s the way she says. ���Just wait.’ Not wanting him to go. *heart clutch* The sheer panic and worry developing in her soul and in ours. That gnawing unsettling feeling we feel through out the rest of the episode. Breaks my heart. She clearly spent the whole day waiting to be with him for their date night. Only to have him taken away with no answers. Lucy looks SHOOK as her entire heart walks out the door. It's written all over her face. His abrupt departure filling her with questions and worry. So it begins…

We see Tim pull up in his truck to the pre-arranged spot. A man comes out of his own car and enters in. I was on pins and needles waiting to see wtf this was about. Who the man was. Why he had the power to make Tim, basically run from date night with his girl. I knew in the back of my mind had to be his military past. Only thing I could think of to make him spook like this.

They shake hands when he gets into the truck. He thanks Tim for coming. Our boy replies he didn’t have a choice. If Ray is alive they have a big problem. The intrigue meter continued to grow. Who was this Ray? What problem did he present to them both? Tim looks like he’s seen a ghost when he’s shown Ray’s photo. He was supposed to have died in an air strike….He's been working as a gun for hire and came into LAX the day before.

Tim asks why he would come to L.A? Apparently his mom is dying of cancer. That’s who they’re staking out. It’s here we find out what the vow is. And it’s not a good one….Tim is not onboard for honoring this pact they made. To kill Ray if he ever resurfaced. To pay him back for the friends he killed. We see the conflict on Tim's face. How he doesn’t know how he’s gonna tackle this. Eric killing me softly early on in this one. His eyes alone scream so much emotion.

We see Lucy unable to sleep. In what I can only assume is Tim’s shirt. I think Melissa confirmed it was and thanked the fans for their keen eye. It’s the little things we love so much. Lucy is clearly missing him. So naturally she sleeps in a shirt of his. Also her DOD ring and her necklace are in plain view as well. Killing me softly. She can’t sleep because he’s supposed to be next to her. His consistent calming presence is missing and she can’t relax enough to rest.

Their date night was supposed to end with him asleep by her side. Not this. We can see the anxiety just seeping out of her. Don’t blame her one bit. No one knows that man better than her. From the second he took that phone call she knew. Deep in her gut that not only was something off but very very wrong. Her whole being emanating unease and concern. I feel you Lucy. The rapport and connection they’ve built over last 5 seasons coming in hot here.

Lucy looks sick to her stomach and it makes me wanna cry. The hurts so good is ever present in this scene. She is missing him and crazy worried. Her rampant anxiety is not letting her rest. My guess is other than 6x01 they’ve scarcely spent a night apart. The way he took off is scaring the shit out of her with good reason. So she tries to quell it with a phone call. Sadly she gets his VM. Her message to him makes my stomach sink more. Lucy is used to being his go to. She was left in the cold and her stress level is rising due to it.

Tim watches her call and VM come in. He looks pained at not being able to answer it. It’s the way he sighs and closes his eyes. It’s killing him to keep her at a distance. Eric out here trying to murder my feels with his superb acting. This truly begins the immense breakdown that is their communication. Lucy showed her hand at it before this ep in 6x04. Now it’s Tim’s turn at it. We had indications of it but s6 showed us how glaring it is. The cracks in their foundation were there. We just didn't want to see it. These are the issues Eric wanted to tackle.

Honestly when we're on the other side of this I'll be real grateful for it. Till then this just hurts. Now Tim’s communication probs are particularly glaring in these in this ep and the next. Pains me to write it but our boy has serious issues with stuff like this. You know he knows she is at home worried sick. That’s why he looks so pained. Tim knows her just as well as she does him. Very aware she is panicked and worried about where he is. If he’s ok. Absolutely killing him to keep her in the dark. To Tim right now he think's despite that it's the right call.

This is Tim Bradford so he thinks he’s doing it to protect her. To keep her from his dark past affecting her. If he distances himself and handles it solo it’ll be ok. Because he doesn’t need help. Wants shoulder this alone. Oh Timothy, my love you are so wrong. It pains me how wrong you are. His childhood issues screaming out in this decision. Which we will get into. That gif of Captain Holt's ‘Paaaaiiiin’ gif is fitting right here. *sad sigh*

Greer rejoins Tim in the truck with his recon. Tim is clearly uncomfortable with this whole thing. Weighing so many things at the moment. What he has to lose with any action they do. His soul is already so heavy with the past. It pains me to watch this. Tim is trying so hard to talk Mark out of this. Asking what they’re really going to do? What the point of all this really is? Noting them even talking about this is criminal conspiracy. Greer gas lights Tim this entire episode and I do not appreciate it.

Saying he can’t believe the ‘Reaper.’ is going soft on him. He is softer because of a wonderful woman named Lucy Chen. He’s in love with a person who is beautiful inside and out. One who has changed him so much. So yeah he’s softer now Greer. Also the first time I heard that nickname it made me fan myself. Is that wrong? lmao Idk if it is but I found it insanely attractive. I probably shouldn’t haha But here we are. With me still finding that service nickname sexy. I am who I am. Tim says he isn’t soft. He’s only thinking of what’s at risk here.

They can’t be committing murder, because of a pact that was made years and years ago. I love Tim’s line about they made it in the anger and fog of war. No doubt, with his nickname alone, we can see how angry Tim was going into the service. How could he not be? He came from a household where his emotions were suppressed heavily. So there is zero doubt in my mind he went into the service full of anger. Not only angry but loyal af as we know. That combination alone would result in this pact/vow being made.

Tim is almost reflecting on how much he has grown since that moment in time. There was a lot of talk about the ways Tim hasn’t changed following this episode. Hell even inside this ep with him keeping Lucy at bay. But he has. He changed so very much since Lucy came into his life. It’s why he brings up the lives they’ve built. The life he is currently building with his soulmate. The jobs they hold.

That angry young man doesn’t exist anymore. The one who would murder for his squad in retaliation. Now Tim still has that instinct in him. Don’t get me wrong; scorched earth for those who mess with his loved ones. But this? This situation puts the life he’s built at risk. Puts the love of his life at risk within the department. Unfortunately Tim is still loyal af and Greer uses that against him.

Gas lights him some more. Saying how they’ll never get to build lives because of Ray. Pulling on that thread of guilt that lives deep inside Tim's soul. Trying to reawaken a man that is long gone at this point. But is still loyal to a fault. Weighed down with enough tortured guilt to keep this going. I resent Mark for using it against him I really do. Friggin stunard...My Italian rage coming out for Greer.

It’s here we find out more about what went down between them all. Not only that but WHY him being around is such a damn problem for Tim/Mark. I would be remiss if I didn't note this. How much I am enjoying Tim in street clothes. Mmm nice and scruffy too. He is scruffy most of this season and I am here for it. He looks so good in that jacket it’s sinful. How can he make such a simple jacket so attractive? Yum. Ray asks what they’re doing here? Greer pipes in to bring him to justice. He asks for what?

Tim starts to list off the numerous reasons why. Going AWOL, faking his death, felony grand theft, stealing half million from the government. Just to name a few sweet lord… Then to top it off, he called in an air strike on his own guys when they came for him. Ugh. Real peach this one. That there wasn’t enough of Henderson and Coyle to fit in a shoe box….ooof. It’s here we find out what Ray has on them. That he read the after action report. That it didn’t read that way. Tim justifies it by saying it only reads that way so his wife and daughter got his death benefits.

Of course that’s the most Tim Bradford thing ever. ‘Some things matter more.’ Only breaking the rules if it’s for the greater good. We talk a lot about Lucy’s empathy but don’t sleep on Tim’s. It runs very very deep. This is proof it was a huge part of him before the Isabel trauma buried it and Lucy resurrected it. That being said this doesn’t look good at all for Tim. By bringing Ray in it endangers their service record and their current jobs. Because as kind as what they did was. It has consequences because they lied on an official government document. My stomach turned even farther with this scene.

Eric KILLS me in this portion. This man has no right making me this emotional. How has he not won any awards? His beautiful shimmering blue eyes cutting me deep. Eric is so expressive in just his eyes alone. But he gives this scene everything he’s got in his arsenal my god. They get away from Ray’s to talk. Tim immediately says they’re not killing him. It’s not happening. (Someone needs to capture this scene in gif form BTW) It's a crime there isn't one. Mark tries to appeal he’s dead anyways.

Tim won’t hear of it. Says it won’t matter when the nightmares come knocking. And we know he’s had those nightmares. Not just about the service but about 5x19. About the life he was forced to take. Tim says they need to just come clean about everything. They don’t have a choice. Greer fights him some more. Saying it’s just going to blow up their lives as a result. Tim tells him he won’t let that happen. He’ll take the fall for him. Ugh Tim no. You have a life that’ll get blown up too my love. A woman who would be devastated to watch this take you down.

There's a Lyric from a band I love. "A thousand scars betray me Oh, what's another one?" That is Tim in this moment. What's one more emotional scar? Better than Greer losing his life because of what he chose. Tim's integrity is one of my fav traits about him. It’s the one I relate to the most. Because I am the same way. It drives a lot of my decisions. He's so willing to fall on his sword because he bears the weight of that decision still. Mark pleads some more but Tim won’t have it. Says he can’t with tears in his eyes. (I'm fine....) He is not that hot headed young man anymore. Life has kicked him around and he’s seen things. This isn’t the path and he won’t let Greer take it.

Tim follows up with he won’t let him do it. Even if it’s without him. It’s here where Eric just rips my heart out with his performance. When Mark asks him if he would arrest him if he killed Ray? It’s the way his voice breaks. Tears threatening to fall when he chokes out ‘Yes.’ Rip my heart right out writers sweet lord. Greer says he’s out then. But I wanna deck him for his reply after that. He hangs all future crimes Ray does on Tim. I don’t curse very often in these. But how fucking dare you sir. How dare you put that on this man.

He is already riddled with so much guilt and shame. His soul is ten times heavier than it should be. Because Tim shoulders things deeply. Not only that he does it solo. A chunk of what weighs his soul down isn’t even his fault. Tim is a much deeper empath than he’s given credit for as I stated earlier. He absorbs the feelings and pain of those around him. Takes them in and never lets it go. It’s why he was and honestly still is so rigid as a cop. That iconic line ‘Rules matter boot.’ Was his PTSD in a line and we had no idea back in S2.

Because anytime this man has let his guard down to break the rules it’s hurt him. Mitch, Isabel and we now find out about this. Tim did the right thing and yet he’s paying the price not Ray. It’s the hitch in his breath as Mark takes off that’s the final emotional blow for me. I just want to hug him so much. The way he tries to catch his breath after he’s gone. Finally releasing all the emotions he was bottling up. You can see why he was wants to retreat to one person who will make him feel whole again. It’s why his next scene is with Lucy….

This scene we get to see Melissa shine along side Eric. Killing us softly with their angsty goodness. We watch the sheer amount of relief run across Lucy’s face. It's evident when she hears his keys in the door. The happy relief is fleeting though. Her opening line is salty af as it should be. ‘Oh good, you’re not dead.’ She is ready to rip into him and rightfully so. Hurts to watch but she has every damn right to. She kept it together for work. But now that he’s in front of her she doesn’t have to. Her sass turns into the anxiety and worry she’s gone through. Telling him that his sorry isn't good enough. (it’s not…)

Saying she spent the last THIRTY-SIX hours. (That's a day and a half Timothy...) Worried he was bleeding out in various landmarks all over the city. Ugh poor Lucy. That’s very taxing on your nervous system to be in that state of mind for that long. That’s way too long to go without communication. But this is pre-therapy Tim so...Communication isn’t his strong suit when he isn’t in fight or flight mode. One of my fav lines of the scene. ‘Telling me you’re alive is NOT optional.’ Hell no it's not. The hitch in her voice and tears in her eyes. Gah killing it Mel.

Trying to communicate clearly to him this behavior isn’t going to fly. Not ever. Rewatching this season, it pains me how many hints the writers gave us about their communication problems. Now Lucy is trying here. With telling him what he did was not ok in the least. She then asks what the hell is making him so crazy? Expecting him to tell her. Tim’s reply is vague and only serves to make her angrier. Especially when he says he’s doing it to protect her status at the station. She asks if he committed a crime?

The irony of this scene is that radio being prominently shown. How it was a happy thing 36 hours ago. Now it’s a symbol of their dysfunctional communication as a couple. Tim tells her no…Not technically. The fire continues to build in Lucy. Angrily retorting how it’s serious enough she could be disciplined for not reporting it then. Tim tries to do his protection line for her but it doesn’t land at all. The fire in her is raging at this point. She stands up and angrily asks what he’s doing here then? Tim is so taken aback by this. His reply breaks my heart. Stumbling over himself ‘I...I came to see you…’

To Tim it’s his default to go to her. When he’s upset or lost he goes to Lucy. Seeking her out like the sanctuary she’s always been for him. Has been for years. Even more so since they got together. Tim came to be near his comforter and happy place. Wanting her to envelop him in her arms and take his hurt away. Unfortunately my love, she can’t help or take away what she doesn’t know about. It’s why her hellfire continues on. Lucy absolutely obliterates him with her reply. 'To what? Order take in? Watch TV? Pretend like nothing is going on?' Tim so desperately wants to sink into solace he’s used to. But he won’t let himself tell her what's going on.

Thus denying himself the one thing he came here for. Her. Lucy (who is wearing the same blouse from 5x12 btw. Way to push the knife deeper writers) tells him if he’s not here to tell her to truth.... We pan back to Tim’s face. She can read him like a book and knows he’s not going to. She then tells him he’s needs to leave. My heart is on the floor at this point. I totally understand her drawing this boundary. I truly do. Lucy is trying to show him there are consequences to his actions. Holding him accountable. That he needs to communicate and trust her. Lucy wants him to see despite the ramifications she is there for him. Sadly Tim doesn’t see this hence her asking him to leave. My poor shipper heart.

To make matters worse Eric is personally attacking me with his teary eyes and hurt puppy dog expression. Had to get this gif in. Why? Because it beautifully captures the devastation of her sending him away. We haven’t seen him this visibly upset since 4x09. Except this time his person isn’t there to make his tears go away. She is the one causing them and sending him away. The range of emotions flitting across his face has me bawling my eyes out. The man deserves all the awards once again. The way his eyes convey so much. How utterly wrecked he is. It's written all over his expression.

Eric brought it so hard in this episode holy hell. Tim came to her seeking out the comfort of normalcy from her. As we all know our boy needs his routine and structure to stay sane. Lucy has become an intricate part of that. He sought out his girlfriend to stabilize himself. Sadly there was no comfort to be found for him. Gotta give to get my poor broken boy. As much as it’s frustrating to watch him do this I get it. As I said earlier he has the tendency to shoulder burdens alone. It’s how he has survived most of his life. Doesn't excuse it just explains it.

His childhood is a massive proponent of why he operates this way. He came from an abusive household as we all know. Where he had to turn off his emotions and learn not to ask for help. If he did it only served to further the abuse. Also it was looked upon as weak. Was seen as useless if you did. When that is ingrained in you at an early age it is so friggin hard to get rid of it. It's an instant default for him. It’s not something being loved properly just gets rid of. If anything it only makes it worse on some level. Because it means you something to lose as Tim does in Lucy.

To explain Tim’s side of it I need to give a little piece of me. I can relate because of what my mother did to me growing up. It’s something I fight to this very day. I hope one day it’ll be easier and less of a deep grove in my brain I go to. Most of my childhood as I’ve shared was full of emotional abuse. My mom didn’t like it if you spoke your mind or messed up in any way. If you did you got the silent treatment for weeks on end. I wish I was kidding. She once went three weeks without speaking to me as a kid. Pretending like I didn’t exist. Felt like I didn’t have a mother. As I got older her default punishment only got worse. When I went to college my baby sister got engaged couple years in.

To a wonderful man. They're still married and happy btw. But my mother could see herself losing her control over my sister. Told me to pick between her and my baby sister. The choice was easy. I picked my sister. She then abandoned me and didn’t speak to me for 18 months after that. Her doing that made me feel like, whenever I stand up for myself or make a mistake with someone I love, I’m going to be abandoned. I just recently got into a fight with said sister. I had that exact same panic after I stood up for myself thinking she was going to discard me. She has proven time and again that’s not true. It’ll never be true. My sister and her husband have always made room for me in their lives here in CO. Made me feel loved unconditionally.

The same will be true when I join them in TN when I move. And yet that deep ingrained thought that she would abandon me still appeared. Worried that because I had stood up for myself she would do what my mom did. She didn’t cause loves me. But I’m still not used to the idea of unconditional love. It’s hard to grasp when you’ve never really had it before. So this is where I related to Tim so hard and defaulting to doing this alone. I’m in my 30s and this still affects me deeply even with therapy. Tim is pre-therapy and not seeing the unconditional love Lucy has for him. Which is a precursor for 6x06 honestly. You could have the best human in the world loving you and still not accept it or understand that you even have it.

Tim doesn’t know how to ask for help and to see Lucy would love him through his mistakes. He’s protecting her but also himself in this moment. Because he’s ashamed of what he’s involved in. That she won’t love him anymore due to his past sins. So he’s keeping her at a distance from him. Thinking it’s protecting her from his toxic past. But also protecting him from losing her as well. This scene, sadly, is the result of many miscommunications since they started boiling up and over. A gradual escalation toward breaking apart. This was a incredibly hard scene to stomach and watch. Lucy is vibrating with how upset she is when he says ‘Understood’ and leaves. Un-break my heart you guys.

Another banger of a song running through this final scene. The songs always hit and work so well with the tempo of a scene. It’s ’Teeth.’ By mallrat. Have a whole playlist of songs from this show I love it. We see Lucy looking at her phone fighting the urge to call Tim. Despite their epic fight she misses him. It clearly shows. Tamara brings her out of her thoughts by plopping on the couch. Asking her what she's doing?I adore her saying she is going to be a good girlfriend. Trust her man. *heart damn clutch* HER MAN. It’s the little morsel we all needed after that heated argument of insane pain.

I am most grateful for Tamara in this moment. Wanted to shove her out the door in the opening scene though. LOL Nolan is such a failure to be there for Lucy earlier in the ep. Where as Tamara is clutch af in this moment. She is emotional support while Lucy goes through this. Talks it out with her. Tamara asks if she’s heard anything? Lucy tells her about their heated fight last night. That it’s been their only contact….That Tim just stood there. Lucy seems so at a loss and it hurts my heart.

Tamara makes her laugh and says they should put a tracker in his truck lmao Lucy calling her out for being a bad influence. Tamara follows up that No, she’s just a really good teacher. Lucy is floored replying what? Wasn't able to fit this in but her lessons learned are hilarious. No coffee in gun hand and head on a swivel. The swivel part had me laughing so hard. What a goober. I love them. Just the levity Lucy needed. I need more of them in S7.

We pan back to Tim in his truck. Longingly looking at his phone. Specifically at Lucy’s contact page. He is breaking on the inside without her and yet can’t force himself to let her in. Also would’ve killed me if it had a pic of Lucy or of them. I would’ve legit died of happiness. What a missed opportunity writers. He is missing her so much and is dying to reach out. Wants her by his side but can’t overcome his wiring to do so.

His default is to go to her. To talk to her. Once again just another look into their broken communication. When one stops so does the other and it goes to shit. They are partners in every sense of the word except for their communication. They were stellar at that with work. It blows my mind how quickly that broke down when they got together. They had something extra special to lose when they did though. *sigh* s7 you have work to do.

We see Tim refocus his sights on Ray. Tasked with the mantle Mark Greer thrust upon him. He’s now on a crusade to catch him before Tim has anything else to add to his soul…. Phew this was an emotionally draining one to get though and it’s not even the harder of two. Phew lord. Thank you to every single one of you reading these, liking them, reblogging or commenting (love me some comments don’t be shy) they mean the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x06 where can sob together. ❤️

Side notes-non chenford

All the Aaron and Blair scenes are so icky knowing her endstory. Bleh.

Beauty of rewatching I can skip all the Nolan content. Snoozeville again.

Smitty only hanging out in therapy office for snacks lmao Needed in a tense episode

Lucy’s crack about asking Celina To Aaron. Lmao. Commend our girl for cracking jokes and keeping her shit together on shift.

Nolan is absolutely useless when Lucy comes to him for help. Their friendship truly fell apart when Jackson died. Any rapport or connection shot to hell. He can’t read the utter panic she is in and I hate him for it. As useful as a paper hat in a rainstorm to keep you dry.

Also the lyrics used earlier from my fav bad RED. The lyrics ARE TIM. In this episode to a tee Here's the link https://genius.com/Red-cauterize-lyrics

[thedrarrylibrarian]

I cannot tell you how excited I've been to have this lovely writer on to rec - I fell in love with the fic she recced and I think it's a great pick for the holiday season. If you haven't read it before, I think it'll be the perfect read to get you into the Christmas spirit. Without further ado, here's the lovely @skeptiquewrites!

I was delighted to be asked to write a Happy Hour for December by the Drarry Librarian. I still consider myself more of a reader than anything.

This time of year represents a lot of contradictions for me: the joyfulness of gathering with my loved ones, the loneliness that springs up as I revisit old places and things. I love all the lights and candles, and bundling up against the cold. I can’t stand the disappearing sun, and the long hours of darkness in my part of the hemisphere. It’s sweet, but sorrowful too.

So back in July, I knew I had to pick @sweet-s0rr0w’s Waking Up Slow with all of @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm’s beautiful illustrations. Wireless has always been one of my favourite fests in current fandom, and 2023 was no exception.

Waking Up Slow by @sweet-s0rr0w (24,941 words, rated E)

'Twas the night before Christmas, although it’s July Draco’s a shopkeeper, no-one knows why There’s hiking and witch caves, freak snowfalls and more Bad Christmas jumpers, nosy neighbours galore Narcissa’s here too, but… something’s amiss And what’s in those chocolates that’s making them kiss?

From the first paragraph, I was in love with Pickerings Christmas Shop and Cheddar, Somerset. It came to life with careful, beautiful writing of Harry’s curiosity and Draco’s initial sharpness, and Joy’s saturated, poignant use of colour.

Besides the writing, I love how many direct references to other fanfics that Sweet has with the footnotes. It always reminds me how key intertextuality is to fandom. We’re all in conversation and all participating in a gift exchange of sorts.

Waking Up Slow is just as wonderful in December for a read (or re-read in my case) as it was in July. Scorching, weighty, interesting, and I can recommend it for a slow morning, lazy afternoon or under the covers late night fic reading.

After all, ‘tis the season.

Thank you so much, @skeptiquewrites for joining me for Happy Hour with Friends of the Library! And seriously, check this fic out!

[tryslora]

On rereading my old fic...

I’m having a lot of thoughts right now about rereading things I have written.

I struggle to reread original work. I don’t get lost in it when I start reading it, and I suspect that’s because I have already read it a few hundred times (I’m exaggerating, but it’s a lot) before it was put out for public consumption.

But fic. Ohhhh… I am one of those weirdos who loves to reread fic I wrote.

This came to mind because in the past few days, I’ve reread two old fics because both of them came up on my radar for different reasons.

(They were the “Love You So Hard” series of Scott/Stiles fics, and the “Dancing On Blades” Sterek Olympic figure skating AU, both from the Teen Wolf fandom, if you’re curious).

I didn’t mean to read them. But then I sat down trying to remember exactly what I’d written, and a half hour or so later, there I was like oh. Hey. I wrote that and I do not hate it. In fact, I now have a bit of a words hangover where I’m not ready to leave that world.

I love and hate that hangover. I get it both from reading and writing. In this moment, it reminded me a lot of what I loved about both writing and reading fic.

I haven’t had time to write fic recently. I have several unfinished WIPs in a Scrivener file, but if I’m not getting the overdue original done, I don’t feel like I can take time to write fic.

I haven’t been reading fic, either. I’m so far out of the fandoms I used to be part of, I don’t know how to find the fic that will give me the feels I love. I haven’t found a new fandom to be obsessed by where I feel comfortably falling into it. I admit, I like big fandoms, mostly because I love the variety of work and the ability to find so many wonderful gems. Small fandoms are great for flailing in meta, but terrible for finding more than a few fics.

Reading these two pieces years after I wrote them (and yes, I have reread both of them before) brought me right back to the world I lived in at the time. The world of fic. The feels. The memories of what it was like to belong to a  big fandom, and all that energy.

I miss it.

But this isn’t about fandom—this is about rereading my own words.

I’ve heard a lot of writers say that they never reread their own pieces, whether that is fic or original. They don’t want to revisit them. They are uncomfortable.

I find great delight in rediscovering myself. Every story is a snapshot of where my mind was in that moment. Every story is a reminder that yes, I can write, and I don’t hate my words. They are GOOD words. They made someone smile enough to leave a comment, and when I reread them, they make me smile, too.

I, too, want to comment to ask, “hey, where’s the rest? can I have more of this?” and that’s a tad bit frustrating since um, the only way that’ll happen is if I write it.

It makes me want to write more, though. Not necessarily that story. Maybe an original piece. Maybe something inspired by it. Might be difficult, given that one of those stories was absolutely buried in the world of Teen Wolf, and the other was a fanfic nod to Yuri on Ice without being a full-on YOI fic.

But at the same time, I have shapeshifter pack politics in my PHU serial; Alaric has to deal with it all the time. And much of the inspiration for that was drawn from things I developed that were my own head-canons while writing TW fic.

Writing is about learning. Writing fic is about joy, and it’s also about testing theories, and playing with words and ideas in familiar spaces.

It’s about creating a soft blanket that someone might want to wrap up in again and again, shutting out the cold, dark night.

I’m happy that rereading my own work gave me that feel, like I could build a blanket fort out of a story and retreat into a simpler time.

I want to create those same feels with my original work. I want to create a comfort blankie made of words.

In the meantime, I need to stop rereading my own work and move on. Write new words. Remember that if I did it before, I can do it again, and better this time. I’m not done. There are still stories in me; my mind is a library waiting to give books to those who need them.

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

Sicktember #12

Prompt: Old Wives Tale

Fandom/OCs: Science Lovers OCs (Peter and Violet)

Words: 1360

Sicknario inspo: Catching cold after doing something foolhardy from this post and caretaker being sneezed on from this post (both posts by @sickromancer !)

Author’s comments/background: So many characters that I only write for Sicktember, but it’s such a treat to revisit them. I loved Peter and Violet’s first story so much (read it here), and watching them grow up is delightful to me. So here’s another domestic drabble set in the Victorian era. 

~~~***~~~

Peter and Violet were sitting by the pond behind their tiny home, enjoying the late autumn sunset. They were dressed for warmth, since the wind had more than a hint of winter on it, but it was a beautiful, sunny day and they knew they wouldn't have many more of those. The married couple spoke little, enjoying the silence and each other's company. Peter had been staring at the surface of the water contemplatively, when suddenly his eyes lit up. He was on his feet in a moment, crouching at the edge of the pond with rapt stillness, carefully sliding out of his jacket.

"Peter? What is it?" Violet asked, feeling the need to whisper. 

He gestured for her to be silent, his attention fixed on something at the center of the pond. They sat frozen in silence, Violet waiting for some sign as to what was happening, when out of nowhere, Peter dove into the water. The motion was so unexpected that Violet stood with a gasp, rushing to the pond's edge, hands over her mouth, but Peter appeared a moment later, grinning triumphantly with something clenched in his fist. He waded to the bank crowing with pride:

"I found one! The final specimen needed to complete our frog study! We've been looking all summer but none of the lads have even seen this breed and we'd all but given up. It's past the season for them, really. I've no idea what she's doing here now, but she's a winner, big and fat! She'll look tremendous at the exhibition."

"Oh Peter, but your clothes! You're covered in filthy, stinking pond water now. And it's freezing! You're going to catch your death behaving so."

He came fully out of the water, all of him now sopping wet and colored various shades of green and brown. "They're just clothes," he said, waving a hand dismissively. "They'll wash, and so will my skin. Besides, Britain's scientific community will benefit much from our exhibition. I'd say the contribution we're making is worth a few ruined shirts," he said, almost pleadingly, as if begging her to agree with him. 

Violet glared at him, hands on her hips, not so easily swayed. "Just you wait, sir," she said, shaking her head. "You'll sing a different tune when you've caught a beastly cold from acting like a child, and I'll not feel one whit sorry for you. Diving into dirty ponds in October indeed. Why must women be vexed with men?"

Peter was already shivering in the cold air, but he cradled the frog tenderly, being careful not to injure it. “Vi, dearest, you needn't be cross. I want to be excited, and I don’t want to spoil the day by quarreling with you. I'll see to my clothes so it's not a worry on you. And you of all people, with all your training in medicine, should know that I mightn’t get sick just from getting wet. The new research from John Snow and others says that microscopic organisms are the cause of illness, not air and weather. I read you that journal just last week, don't you remember? You see, I'm sure I’ll be just fine. And right now my only wish is that you'd be happy along with me!"

Violet sighed, but a smile twitched the corners of her mouth against her will. He was so sweet and earnest as he spoke, just as he’d been when they first met. “Oh go on, then. I’m pleased you found your precious frog. But come, now, you must get cleaned up. They may be saying that weather doesn’t cause illness, but I’d rather we not tempt fate.”

Peter willingly followed her to the house, but wouldn’t see to himself until he had secured his prize to ensure she would stay well until he was ready to dress her for display. Meanwhile, Violet wouldn’t let him in the door until he had stripped down naked and been doused with a few buckets of water to remove the worst of the slime. As she was helping him disentangle himself from his sodden shirt, he froze. Just as she was about to ask him if he was well, he sneezed harshly, trying to turn away from her, mostly unsuccessfully. His nose was immediately running from the sneeze, but he had nothing to wipe it with other than his filthy shirt. She hastily handed him her own handkerchief, unable to keep a smug look from her face. 

“You’ll say that sneeze was a coincidence, I’m sure, but I’ll not wonder the cold water is already having its way with you, foolish man.”

Peter made an annoyed sound. “It's only the water and slime in my nose. I’m not taking ill. Illness from the cold is an old wive’s tale now. Just you wait and see.”

~~~

Wait she did, and her reward was to see him come down with a beauty of a head cold in two days’ time. He continued to insist the foreign stuff from the pond in his nose made him sick, though, not the cold air and water. Violet kept her opinion to herself, and tried not to be too smug. Anyway, it was hard to be angry when Peter was so happy. His frog and the completion of his collection thrilled him, and he earned the unabashed admiration of his friends for his boldness and quick action. (His clothes and shoes were a loss in the end, but he paid for new from his own pocket with good grace.) The amphibian was a fine specimen to be sure, and everyone was certain she would be the crowning jewel of the exhibition. 

Amidst all the excitement, though, Peter was a sniffling, sneezing, shivering mess and within a week he was unable to leave the house due to how poorly he was feeling. Putting aside her own feelings, Violet gave his cold the best care she could, for Peter's colds turned feverish at the slightest provocation. One night during the worst of it he could hardly draw breath for the clogging congestion in his chest and sinuses (worse than usual even for him, and this she could easily attribute to the pond water), so she drew him a hot bath for his feet and kept him wrapped in quilts as he soaked in the steam to keep the sickly shivers at bay, with a clean stack of handkerchiefs near at hand. He sniffled and sneezed and generally carried on, though she knew he was doing his best not to, so that her heart melted for him, even when he managed to sneeze or nearly sneeze on her almost every time she was near. 

"Thangk you, dearest," he managed as she placed a bowl of stew near at hand. "I'mb sorry to incodvedience you, and I appreciade your care as always." 

His earnest, watering eyes above a pink, runny nose were so endearing that she could only kiss his temple fondly. " 'Tis no trouble, for you're an easier patient than most. I'll not even waste my breath telling you never to do anything so foolhardy in the name of science again, because I know you would do it over a hundred times, given the same circumstance. So I must content myself with helping you take care in the aftermath." 

He gave her a sheepish smile, scrubbing a wrist across his upper lip absently. "You do such an excellent job of idt. I'mb mbost fortunade. 

She had to laugh. "I can hardly listen to you when your voice is so. You're completely pitiful when you've caught cold, my dear. I simply can't bear it." She pressed another kiss to his hair as his lips formed a pout.

"You ndeedn't treadt mbe like a child," he muttered. Yet he let his weight fall against her as she continued to stroke his hair. 

"Perhaps if you didn't go jumping into ponds in your shoes and trousers like a child, I'd be less inclined to do so."

He pulled away from her to glare, but she continued to work her fingers through his hair, smiling to show she was only teasing. He leaned against her once more, mollified. She continued her ministrations to his scalp for a long while until, sick as he was, he fell fast asleep against her.

[thewatercolours]

6, 19, 21, and 22

6. Favourite headcanon?

Um, er - off the top of my head? Let me see, let me see... (Shouldn't have used everything that came to mind on the other ask!)

The early draft of Tolkien's "Beren and Luthien" has a character called Tevildo, Prince of Cats. Gigantic, evil, rational, lazy black cat. In later drafts Tolkien was all, "What if it wasn't a cat? What if it was the Dark Lord Sauron?" Well, my headcanon is that there is no contradiction here. Both versions are simultaneously true, because back then in the old days, Sauron was randomly a cat. Maybe he got cursed. Maybe it was a phase. Whatever. Sauron used to be Tevildo, Prince of Cats.

19. Fanfic you read again and again?

... mine. (I mean, they do say write for yourself.) There are a few fanfics I have revisited now and again, but I don't tend to be a serial rereader for fanfic.

21. Favourite fic trope?

Hm - a couple of random things I love:

Someone takes a character under their wing and helps them become better. This could be illness, but it could also be somebody resentful and closed off who opens up, someone riddled with doubt who comes to confidence, who hasn't been loved unconditionally finding it's real after all.

Slice of life that expands the world! But not the great, big, wide world. The characters' local world. Making the blurry areas come into sharp focus, so we get to see canon characters go to rooms we haven't seen before, and interact with scenarios that of course they'd be facing, but we just never read between the lines.The best Goblin Emperor fics are extremely good at this, throwing a million extra details about the complex workings of the palace and the emperor's staff into perspective.

Where the horrors abound, the delights abound all the more.

I hardly ever see it in fic, but - if you can write lyrical prose that doesn't run off the deep end into the purple ocean, yes. Yes. Yes!

22. Least favourite fic trope?

fifteen year old Zuri Jade Mackenzie has only ever known her American Public School until she gets a mysterous letter. now she's blaaancing British culture shock, defense Against the dark arts Homework, and trying to fit in at Slytherin. shes all ready to give up, until a certain platnum blond who miiiight be a death eater gives her a helping hand. i dont' own harry potter. please be nice guys i haven't written in this fandom in ages but kudos/comments/subscriptions will make me write mooooooore! XDXDXDXDXD

[cryingforhyo]

i guess it's safe to say that I'm one of your old readers in this fandom. 😅 I've been a reader since you drop Push and Pull out on that holiday night.

I read most of your fics too. there's only one or two fic that I haven't read in the past year because life is a bit hectic now.

this is not a subtle request btw, but I'm curious if you have a 'verse focused about coming-out or realizing one's sexual orientation. I don't exactly remember every detail but, iirc, most of your fics' characters have implied sexuality which are lesbians.

It will be cool to know how you guys write about the experiences of coming out from your time period. ( I don't mean to make you feel so old 😭 but I know you two are in your 30s and are wiser and more experienced than we are (early 20s) ) I remember reading a post that it was really a different social scene compared to now.

maybe I'm also curious how you two became friends, then roommates *cough* *coughhhhh* and then wives because tbh I'm surrounded by hetero couples irl that reading about you two fascinates me.

I'm sorry for this ramble. feel free to ignore it too if it's borderline invasive. and sorry if you'll see this on a Monday morning

first off, thank you dear reader for being with us for so long! time surely flies when you're having fun, because wdym push & pull is approaching its 3rd anniversary??? creating for this fandom has been such a joint delight for the both of us, and we're just happy to share the journey with friends like you :) take your time re the new fics, esp if they're wips! we're working on them relatively slower, because life has also been hella hectic hereabouts.

onto your second query: i think this question is very interesting, actually! to address it head on, for this particular fandom i don't think i've written a 'verse where the specific challenge for any of the characters is coming to terms with their sexuality. i quite like living in this fantasy world where people are simply as-is-where-is lesbians haha. for example in our childhood best friends to lovers stories, when someone realizes their attraction, the realization is not so much about falling in love with another woman, but about falling in love with this specific person.

this way, it's the characters' shared context and history that makes their dynamic compelling, instead of the much more global milieu of lgbt relationships existing alongside all these issues and history, etc. which i also think are interesting stories to tell! but for purposes of this fandom in particular, which i think exists in a sociopolitical context that is beyond my expertise--i leave those stories to better-positioned storytellers :) in the true spirit of creating in this era, i do not want to get anything so egregiously wrong it will detract from the reader's experience.

but seriously, i have been obsessed about writing coming out/ coming of age stories for the longest time, mostly for my original work, which are set locally with local OCs. they were all i wrote about back in the day, so i guess for fanfic i figured i could instead try all the other tropes that weren't so close to real life, where coming out can be fraught and complicated. it's for the same reason that i don't write compulsory heterosexuality (comphet) or i avoid writing men as third parties in general... i've already spent a significant chunk of my writing life writing /that/ story, or at least that’s how it felt like.

but you make a good point! i'd love to try revisiting that coming out/coming of age trope and give it some aged-up flavor. let's see about that :)

on a personal note, many times when i look at today's digital landscape, I often go, thank god [this or that] did not exist just yet back in the day [or at least not in this manner] when i was figuring my shit out, because oh boy. the clout i could have chased and cancellations i could have booked haha.

suffice it to say i'm happy the digital footprints of past egregious mistakes are now buried with the deaths of old platforms. we were very lucky to have lived and loved and lost in an age where the internet could still afford some measure of forgetting.

(i know there's probably no going back to that kind of landscape, but i hope it's not too late for us to be a little kinder to each other, and definitely more forgiving of ~youth and elderly~, given how fast information cycles around these days and how wide the age range of users concurrently using the same digital spaces right now can be. it's NUTS.)

that said, c would like to clarify she is still in her twenties! hahaha. i confirm this. i also confirm that you're right to say i (k) am already out of my twenties haha.

we actually became friends through fandom! we met on tumblr lmao because that's where you met other wlw back in the day (idk if that's still where people are, istg i would not survive the current dating landscape either!) so i would not be exaggerating when i say fandom brought us together, and we're still cycling through fandoms together, having been to various ones in the past handful of years. that said we look forward to more fandoms to add to our list lol.

thanks for this ask - it's actually the PERFECT thing to see on a monday morning, in fact. hope your week goes well!

[walkawaytall]

Fannish Year Review - 2023

snagged from @diplomaticprincess

1. your main fandom of the year: Star Wars -- after like three years of feeling way-too-sensitive about the series, I decided to take that whole Marie Kondo approach to fandom: keep what brings you joy and throw the rest into an active volcano (or...something like that. It's been a minute since I read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, but I'm sure that's an accurate synopsis that Marie would be totally fine with on her book's dust jacket). And then I started writing fanfiction, which has been fun.

Though...though...I did revisit The Hunger Games this year and made my bestie into an HG fan, so that series has certainly played a part.

2. have u watched a film this year: I've only been to theaters twice this year -- once for the Return of the Jedi 40th anniversary rerelease, once to see Barbie. I don't think I've watched many new things this year, to be honest. Mainly rewatches.

3. your favorite book this year: Oof, my reading list is embarrassingly short this year. Probably Nine Liars by @maureenjohnsonbooks. It's the 5th book in a YA mystery series and love that entire dang series so much.

4. your favorite album or song this year:

Album: Stick Season by Noah Kahan

Song: Probably "Happier Than Ever" by Billie Eilish, but I'm honestly not certain

5. your favorite tv shows this year: I think I rewatched Severance twice this year, so...Haaaa...

6. your favorite tumblr community this year: Han/Leia, but I also follow some Little Women accounts that I've quite enjoyed.

7. your best new fandom discovery of the year: I did start watching Ted Lasso, but kind of forgot about it, though the show is delightful. I feel like I've been very hyperfocused on Star Wars stuff this year tbh.

8. your biggest fandom disappointment of the year: You know what, I rarely hate on specific ships publicly, but having one of my posts in which I was spitballing a headcanon involving Tarkin and Leia having an absurd rivalry while she was like 16-19 years old that was similar in tone to Jack Donaghy and Kaylie Hooper from 30 Rock (a relationship that is entirely not sexual on account of Kaylie being fifteen when she first pops up on the show) reblogged multiple times with Leia/Tarkin shipping tags might just have been the most disappointing fandom-related thing to happen to me personally this year. I don't even know if this is the type of answer the question was looking for, but uh...it was definitely the most disappointing.

9. your tv/movie boyfriend and/or girlfriend of the year: I'm...not entirely sure how to answer this tbh.

10. your biggest squee moment of the year: I've received a lot of really nice comments on my stories this year, but there have been a handful left where I really felt...seen? if that makes sense. Like, the commenters wrote something where I felt like someone fully understood what I was trying to do, which doesn't always happen, and those have definitely been exciting moments for me.

Self-service tagging today!

[ilikereadingactually]

The Mimicking of Known Successes

The Mimicking of Known Successes by Malka Older

i will happily admit that i had a long Sherlock Holmes phase precipitated by the BBC's Sherlock. that phase ended fairly abruptly when the Sherlock show and fandom simultaneously crashed and burned, or at least that's how it felt to me; i was so turned off by the whole thing that i didn't revisit ANY Holmesian books or media for years afterward, even though i liked quite a lot of it. i've dipped back in a bit since then (because it's hard to resist the charms of Enola Holmes), and am slowly remembering what i loved about the original stories.

this book has all of that charm and then some. honestly what could be more up my alley than wlw Holmes and Watson in a post-environmental-collapse-of-Earth future in space?? literally nothing, it's a perfect book for me. Malka Older really captures everything that makes the original Sherlock Holmes so delightful to me! the first person narrative, for one, which is pitch-perfectly Watsonian in vocabulary and tone, both nostalgic and totally readable. the excellent chemistry and dynamic between Mossa and Pleiti is also spot on, pleasantly messy and immediately fond and entirely satisfying. and the mystery! i loved that the mystery was driving the plot but that the emotional story was the more important arc, and i loved that i had a sense of how the pieces connected but didn't understand it all until Mossa put it together, which is just how a Holmesian story ought to feel.

a fantastic read, and a quick read too, and i'm DYING for the next one (already requested it on NetGalley even though it comes out pretty soon...)

the deets

how i read it: @digger1649 literally put the hardcover into my hands as i was picking up other books at the library and said "you should read this," and he was correct. thanks for all the absolute banger recommendations lately!!! this is one i will definitely buy for myself and recommend at work.

try this if you: are a Holmes fan of any stripe, dig a queer mystery, love sff that imagines what we'll do after running the Earth into the ground, or just delight in the interesting combo of old-fashioned gaslamp language/tone and a futuristic setting!

some bits i really liked: i just love them and also the references so much

Mossa waved that aside. "But you also know me, and how I work. Explaining it to someone else would take too long." I could not restrain a feeling of warmth as if that were praise or even affection and not merely a statement of fact. Believing in signs of affection from Mossa was a trap, because it led to expecting signs of affection.

---

"And you were saying about your specific project?" "Ah yes. I study the British Isles, in the mid-twentieth century. At the moment I'm working on a very useful book about rabbits and their adventures. There's a wealth of descriptions of the flora and fauna in a highly circumscribed, clearly-identified area."

---

Mossa's expression was like the one she had worn in theoretical forestry class when the professor had offered successively more difficult elimination problems until Mossa, alone, had comprehended the final paradigm: as though I were as fascinating and satisfying to grasp as her most difficult questions. But then she shook her head. "Pleiti," she said, "I haven't changed."

---

Mossa responded simply with a Classical quotation: "'Why are men?'"

[ipsen]

touka and/or chie hori for the character asks pls pls

Touka and Chie! What a delight. (sorry about the wait. am tired)

Under the cut! I don't like taking up space.

Chie first!

one aspect about them i love

Her attitude! She's a free spirit and that's really admirable. Not a lot of people have the confidence and outlook she has to do the things she does (namely leaking CCG documents).

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

I don't do deep dives in the Chie fandom, unfortunately, so I don't think I really have anything here. I guess I wish she had more influence since she's an integral aspect of TG's overall world? Humans who aren't necessarily anti-human, but rather they clash with the "necessity" of the CCG, either through outright opposing it (she steals from them) or just overall vibes (doesn't let someone's status as ghoul or human define her opinion of them).

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

Studied software engineering, but not in college. Turns out you don't need university to gain the knowledge that a degree supposedly gets you!

one character i love seeing them interact with

Shuu "Let's Launch a Cyber Attack on CCG Servers with Piss Poor Equipment in the 24th Ward" Tsukiyama. I settle my case.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

I'd say "women" as a general catch-all, but that's kind of cheating since TG doesn't like when women speak to each other. Hm... I wonder what her relationship to Kaneki was like. Maybe it's explored in the novels, but I haven't read them, so I have no idea how they actually interact. I'd also like to see her talk to Hinami because Hinami always needs more friends.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

In the event she were to meet Urie, he'd ask her for photographs to give him inspiration for his next art piece, and she'd ask him for his art pieces to inspire her where to go next in her travels. Very tranquil type of relationship.

--

Now for Touka!

one aspect about them i love

Her penchant for observing and understanding the people around her. It goes hand in hand with her ability to reach out to people and form connections with them, regardless of any existing friction between them. Her conversation with Amon in re 117 is particularly beautiful, because of how she encourages him and how he encourages her in return. Kindness begets kindness.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

Her penchant for observing and understanding the people around her! Even Ishida himself kinda forgot that part of her (or rather, he put that part of her on hold), especially after re 125. Like, the Dragon arc could have been completely avoided if she had a bigger role in the narrative, but she basically gets put on standby (despite demonstrating a proactive attitude for those she cares about) until it's too late.

Because of that standby, I think people call her personality in re cardboard, which it isn't, but it comes off that way. I actually love her more in re because she's mellowed out a lot and has matured since the original series.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

I think I said this before in an old post, but I think she has a stash of biology books lying around somewhere in preparation for her attendance of Kamii, a thread that never got revisited from the original series. Adding onto that, she collaborates with Kimi and the science team post-re to finally achieve that dream of hers (I treated myself when writing Holometabolism as well with this).

one character i love seeing them interact with

Again, saying "women" is cheating, but I have to say Hinami, who she ties with for 2nd favorite character in TG. Big Sister Touka is my favorite brand of Touka. Also Ayato. I love sibling interactions in general.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

Kaya Irimi. This series is oversaturated with ukaku ghouls, but I wanted to learn more about Irimi after the Owl Suppression arc. Little Sister Touka would also be a good side to see.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

If it were up to me, I'd put Kaya and Touka in the same apartment, upon which they welcome Hinami with welcome arms. I just think the OG Anteiku crew would be a lot more close-knit than canon thinks they are. Minority solidarity, you know?

--

That's everything! Thanks for the ask

[faceofpoe]

1, 3, 40, 42 😉

hello friend! <3

What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

I'm actually gonna dig back a bit for this one and say Freight Car. This one came about during my brief (and probably final) phase with MCU when Falcon&the Winter Soldier came out, but it's based more around Endgame. But I think it's a good demonstration of my tug-at-any-last-thread-to-jam-some-coherency-out-of-this fic approach to some projects. Or as I put it: 'author uses Falcon and the Winter Soldier to pry closure from the jaws of Endgame' LOL

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Lately, I think there's a certain undercurrent of destiny that gets teased at, which is the delightful result of Andor's 'start us on the countdown of this character's death' setting. And show choices like pulling Melshi into Cassian's story years before the setting in which we knew of their connection. And the show giving us banger prescient dialogue constantly.

40. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

Mostly one-and-done but there are always exceptions and I'll bookmark things that I think I might want to revisit.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

Oh gosh. "Yes" is the short answer. You and your comments that led to Sipo/Mimban fic happening LOL. Any comment that notes a parallel or theme I did not intentionally include where then I'm faced with the 'pretend I knew what I was doing all along' vs 'well that was lucky' response choice. XD One of my old Hamilton AU universes will about once every 18 months get someone who really dives in (it is a beast) and makes my entire life discussing the parts that stood out. And a shoutout not to a comment, but to someone who bookmarked a Hamilton AU where I added a 3rd part (to a forgotten series in a dead fandom lol) 5 & 6 years respectively after parts 1 & 2 with the note that it was the most "humane" thing they'd ever read on AO3. That one will live rent-free in my head forever.

[kelliealtogether]

Make a post recommending a fic you love from at least a year ago. Dust off the archives, dig through your AO3 history and share those old fics with newer fans who might not have seen them - and the fans who’ve been around forever and might want to revisit an old fave.

I'm on a mildly academic kick as of late, which influenced my pick for Fic Back Friday.

This week's rec is Collapse Into Me, Tired with Joy by LydiaStJames. It's a teacher AU, which is surprisingly rare in the TRC fandom, and (I say this every week) it is a delight. The enemies-to-friends-to-lovers arc for Pynch is perfect. The dynamics between the whole crew are lovely. The characterization is spot on. The writing is nothing short of brilliant.

This fic is funny, charming, and witty, and it is such a good read. I have to say, I think it's one of my all-time favorites. 😌

Give it a read. Hit the kudos button. Maybe leave a comment. Show the writer some love. 💕

[happylikeasadsong]

"About the Blogger" meme

Thank u sm for tag @cruciomione!!

Star Sign(s): Cancer sun, Libra moon and Leo rising (i couldn't explain it i you asked, tho)

Favorite Holidays: Christmas and New Years i love how crazy people go about decorations and seems like there's no end to imagination. Also it's that time of the year i have the most delicious food and share quality time with my family. And New Years's so special bc i get to celebrate with friends and usually the parties are lit.

Last Meal: A strawberry delight crepe as a 'well done' gift from me to me or not dying during my exams and finishing them all, yayyy

Current Favorite Musician: i always find it hard to just mention one, so here goes my top three rn: coco jones, the maine and rbd (latin pop band).

Last Music Listened To: back to life by lawson. this one scratches my brain like no other.

Last Movie Watched: me and one of my closest friends do this list of christmas movies every year bc we love christmas movies, no matter how awful and cringe they are. last night i watched 'exmas' with leighton meester and robbie amell and i was surprised that it wasn't the worst, so it's a win in my book.

Last TV Show Watched: it was this week's episode of fellow travelers. jonathan bailey and matt bomer are breaking my heart in a million little pieces, but i think it worth it?? it's so so so sad and tragic but they do such a great job portraying hawk and skippy's story.

Last Book/Fic Finished: i wanted distract myself from my daily problems so i reread 'remember me, remebering you' by amiera_saphire on ao3 last weekend.

Last Book/Fic Abandoned: i prefer the term 'hiatus'. i have a jatp fic that i never really finished and the thought of it hunts me.

Currently Reading: a very boring article on managerial finance i have to write on by friday (my last assignment of the year, yay!). i hated it, so i came here to get enough endorfins to go back to it.

Last Thing Researched for Art/Writing/Hyperfixation: ships in the 1800's, also dresses of that time period so i can better my shitty description in my period fic. i only had an idea and a dream on that one.

Favorite Online Fandom Memory: uhh i think it was back in the cursed years (2020, eww) and after i watched julie and the phantoms i found some really good people here and on twitter. our day consisted in checking every news outlet about the show and pics, videos about them. also the fics were so incredibly good!! those were fun times.

Favorite Old Fandom You Wish Would Drag You Back In/Have A Resurgence: arrowverse when it was good, maybe? idk but olicity had a choke on me in a concerning way. but then it went bad, so bad, and i suffered through until arrow ended and stopped watching the shows.

Favorite Thing You Enjoy That Never Had an Active or Big "Fandom" but You Wish It Did: felicity. it's mainly bc it's such an old show and bc of that, no one is really talking about it anymore, but it was my shit when i 'discovered' back in college.

Tempting Project You're Trying to Rein In/Don't Have Time For: i'll quote @cruciomione about the multi chapter fics, i feel you! one shots are better for me bc i can just write my idea down.

i've been working on a multi chapter about a second chance/lovers-to-strangers-to-lovers. i love the angst i have panned out in my head lol maybe during the break it could revisit it.

loved doing this!!

tagging some ppl to do this too, only if you want!

@imliterallyjustablackgirl, @ethxocore, @laryssamedeirss, @vacationship, @ruethrills

[dragneto]

for the Fanfiction Writing Asks - 11, 29, 41, 49, 74, 78 ? <3

Thank you for indulging me, my friend <3

11. Do you write scenes in order, or do you jump around? I love to jump around! you've seen this firsthand, of course. ;) I try my best to write the beginning first and the end last, but that's about all that I can manage, usually! the rest depends on inspiration, and I tend to rush through certain segments and revisit them later if it means I can write other passages more quickly/easily. depending on the editing process--I'm terrible at planning, and the editing passes are so crucial for me--even my opening/closing segments can change.

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of? that I've finally begun to understand my process after 10+ years of refining it, haha. and the way it's evolved over time. I'm really happy with where my prose is at.

41. Who’s your favorite character you’ve written? oh gosh. I'm going to say based on dialogue, variety of narrative tools, general likeability, and just overall enjoyment, it would be Geralt of Rivia from The Witcher, particularly in the Sapkowski canon! but writing for Noah from DARK is a very close second.

49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer? I think... Waldhotel Winden (DARK, Noah/Jonas), but the older Kryptomycota (DCEU, Bruce/Clark) is what I'm most well-known for, and that definitely has all the hallmarks of being a story taken straight out of my brain. I love sci-fi, I love things that have to do with anatomy/physiology/other sciences, I love different displays of intimacy and trust.

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love? I'd love to see people take a look at The Old Witch and the Good Man (The Quarry, Travis & Laura) just because it was absolutely delightful crafting what looks and feels like a Supermassive Games time loop, and also because I love Laura Kearney so fucking much.

78. What motivates you during the writing process? a combination of things! wanting to put characters in situations (or conversations, relationships, etc.) that I think would be cathartic, thought-provoking, or a little horny, plus the enjoyment of putting together a piece that incorporates a number of things that my recipient really enjoys (for fandom exchanges), and sometimes the desire to adapt or recycle certain canon themes/plot points/etc. into different situations. generally, the feeling of seeing something come together that just feels like it adds to the canon without taking away from what I love about it! and if there's ever a time where I'm inspired primarily by music, trying to inject the feeling I get from that piece into my work also helps. it's tricky, but it's satisfying when I pull it off.

[kkchannote]

note 2024

🌅 Embracing the simple joys of life | Tea 🍵 & Coffee | Mornings favorite moment| Finding beauty in everyday moments ✨ #SimpleLife #Morningbliss

"Mobile photographer | Finding beauty in everyday moments📱✨

Engaging: Join me for a Daily Dose of Coffee and Creativity ☕️📸 Let's Capture Life's Little Moments Together 📱 Tea, Coffee, and Photography - My Daily Ritual 🍵☕️📸 #tealovers #coffeetime #mobilephotography #dailymoments #morningroutine #coffeegram #teagram #photooftheday #instagood #iphonephotography

"Monday mornings are for new beginnings. Embrace the week with a positive mindset and a determined heart. Let's make it a great one!"

"Nothing like starting the day right at my gem breakfast spot – the Big Tree! 🌞 The morning vibe here is unbeatable, and the food hits the spot every time. Whether it's the classic kaya toast or a hearty bowl of noodles, breakfast under the big tree just makes everything better. If you're looking for that perfect local breakfast experience, you know where to go! #GoodMorning #BigTreeBreakfast #LocalGems #BreakfastUnderTheTree 🍜☕"

Here's a refined version of your job application message:

Subject: Application for Video Editor/Voice Over Artist Position

Dear [Hiring Manager's Name],

I am reaching out to inquire about any available vacancies within your media company, specifically in the roles of Video Editor or Male Voice Over Artist. I am fluent in Chinese, English, and Malay, and I have a strong background in content creation. Additionally, I manage my own YouTube channel, where I have honed my video editing and voice-over skills.

I would be delighted to discuss how my abilities and experience could contribute to your team's success. Please feel free to reach out for any further information or to view samples of my work.

Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to the opportunity to hear from you.

Sincerely, [Your Name] [Contact Information]

Let me know if you'd like to add more details about your experience or specific projects.

Here are some reasons why I love using Tumblr:

Creative Expression: Tumblr is a platform that encourages creativity. You can share text posts, images, GIFs, videos, and links, making it a great place to express yourself in various ways. Whether you're a writer, artist, or just someone who loves sharing cool stuff, Tumblr has a space for you.

Diverse Community: Tumblr is home to a diverse community of people with all sorts of interests. You can find blogs about anything from art and music to politics and social justice. This diversity makes it a great place to learn new things and connect with people who share your passions.

Easy to Use: Tumblr is a user-friendly platform that's easy to navigate. You can easily create and customize your blog, follow other users, and reblog content you like.

No Pressure to Be Perfect: Unlike other social media platforms, Tumblr doesn't have a strong emphasis on likes and followers. This makes it a more relaxed and less stressful place to share your thoughts and ideas.

Aesthetics: Tumblr has a strong emphasis on aesthetics, with many users creating beautiful and visually appealing blogs. This makes it a great place to discover new artists and designers.

Niche Communities: Tumblr has a wide range of niche communities, from specific fandoms to subcultures. This makes it easy to find people who share your interests and connect with them.

Humor and Memes: Tumblr is a great place to find funny memes and jokes. It's a great way to relax and have a good laugh.

Inspiration: Tumblr is a great source of inspiration. You can find inspiration for your own creative projects or just for your everyday life.

Nostalgic: For many people, Tumblr is a nostalgic platform that brings back memories of their teenage years. It's a place to revisit old memories and connect with old friends.

Freedom of Expression: Tumblr is a platform that allows you to express yourself freely. You can share your thoughts and opinions without fear of judgment. Overall, Tumblr is a unique and versatile platform that offers a lot of value to its users. It's a great place to connect with people, express yourself creatively, and learn new things.

Sorry, I cannot modify or edit images directly. However, you can use photo editing software or apps like Photoshop, GIMP, or online tools such as Fotor or Canva to make adjustments like removing glasses. Let me know if you need guidance on using these tools!

[jazzforthecaptain]

Dear Yuletide Author,

So first of all, take a deep breath: anything you write will be a delight to me. I love to revisit my Yuletide gift fics; every one has given me a new perspective. There's an extra joy in the fact that they are gifts. It's part of the magic of writing for small fandoms, I think. So don't worry! If something isn't quite matching for you, feel free to riff. I chose fandoms where I love the world and don't have predetermined ideas about ships, and also don't have any no-go ships. The wheel is yours.

Onward!

Are we doing romance? Then this is the section for you.

Not doing romance? Skip to the next section!

Boy oh boy do I love old exes reuniting. It can be exes, but it can also be second chances for missed opportunities; friends who had a moment but never quite got there. People who found comfort in crisis only to part ways and find one another later. This is a favorite because of how the weight of experience changes people. People grow. Maybe they were the right people back then, but it wasn't the right time. Maybe a mistake needed time to heal from. Maybe circumstances forced them to go their separate ways. It's about that deep 76% cacao rich, complex bitterness. It's about them choosing each other again. Remembering the good and finding value in the bad.

I also dearly love limerence. Oh something's gonna happen and they both (or they all) know it, but we're not to that part yet. The breathless pins and needles of waiting for a chance to kiss someone, or waiting for a chance to be kissed. The drive home after a charged night on the dance floor. A dinner in a public place, when all you can think about is what's going to happen next. I don't have much patience for the 'should I? Shouldn't I?' indecision and guilt these days; I want the tingly, excited ooh-la-la of barely maintaining appropriate behavior in a public place, where a decision has already been made, this first kiss, first fuck is happening and we're just trying to get home before we explode.

Are we not doing romance? This section's for you!

I love deep dives into settings, into technical details. Make that place sing. Make it another character. Make the fic more about the barn, the car, the magic, the weapons, than it is about the characters. You have specialized knowledge about storm tracking? Somatic spellcasting? Horses? *grabbyhands* gimme it! If you have an au idea about a fandom in my list that lets you apply a passion subject, go for it!

I do generally prefer in-canon storytelling (with the above exception), but I love to see unexplored parts of characters' histories. Show me when Jo bought the old Honcho. Or what led Riley to the career choices that threw him in Ben's path.

I also love to see characters' motivations examined. We know how they are, but sometimes why they are remains a mystery. And it can be inane shit, or deep shit. We know Jo chases tornadoes because her father died in one, but get into the nitty gritty of her thought process. We know Debbie Ocean is a professional thief, but why does she dress the way she does? Why does Lou prefer motorcycles?

All that aside - please remember that anything you write, I will be sure to love. Yuletide is one of my favorite parts of the season, and a special fic just for me will be deeply loved no matter what. Thank you for being my author. I can't wait to read whatever you make!

[christiewryte]

YES. YES, ALL OF THIS. Even beyond this specific example, the trope of a character -- usually a woman -- sparking feelings in another --usually male character -- solely because she reminds him of someone else he had actual feelings for is such a toxic one to leave at its surface level, not only because it typically starts from a woman in a refrigerator, but then reduces the new girl to a replacement goldfish for said fridged woman. Both characters end up suffering by being flattened into one character spread across two bodies (one of which is a corpse).

And for this case specifically, I've only been a part of this fandom for... a year-ish? And even I'm sick of stories that can't move Shadow beyond Maria. It's part of why I'm struggling to enjoy these new SxS shorts yet, as both that have been released so far lean so heavily on Maria, even as it makes sense in a revisitation of Shadow's origin.

Maria Robotnik was the most important person in Shadow's life once upon a time. But even counting only from his perspective since he came out of stasis, she's been dead for years now. He's known Amy and been close with Rouge longer now than his entire time with Maria. Of course her death still hurts, and of course she remains a formative influence on him, but he's had so much more time with other people now, and not letting any of them -- especially Rouge, who has basically been his platonic life partner for most of it -- not have carved out their own distinct places in his heart by now is just... bleak. He might as well have stayed in the tube.

This is where I love the little niche of works that have Shadow treating Sage as a niece, and would adore it if that were their relationship if/when they ever meet in canon, even as I don't hold my breath. If anyone is going to take up the mantle of being Maria's heir, let it be Sage. Let Eggman have based some aspect of her design or creation on records of his late cousin. I've read one fic where he synthesized her voice partially using old audio files of Maria. I love the idea of him using old brain scans as the base framework for Sage's AI. Not enough to make Sage a reincarnation, or have her carrying around Maria's memories, but enough that she's the closest thing there will ever be to Maria's daughter, and let Shadow delight in the chance to teach her the value of life that her "mother" taught him. Y'know... once he negotiates visitation rights with Eggman.

Eggman: What in the blue blazes makes you think I'd ever let you try and influence my greatest creation?

Shadow: I'll get her to stop idolizing Sonic.

Eggman: Can you do next Thursday?

I’m… gonna lean into the conversation about Maria ≈ Amy for just a moment because I’d like to offer an alternative read on the situation.

If Shadow only cares for Amy because she reminds them of Maria, that does two things: 1: it undoes all of the progress Shadow has made in trying to live and experience that which is around him, and 2: It limits his relationship with Amy (in whatever way you see it) as being almost solely supported on her reminding him of Maria. 

If Amy is a reincarnation of Maria… then that undermines Amy’s argument. I was talking about this with my friend @lambpaca, and they put it best, I think. “If Amy was a reincarnation of Maria, does that mean Maria’s soul is the only one to have ever wanted humanity to have a chance? Everyone wants the best for the world.  Maria is not the only one with this sentiment. That's the POINT.”  I’d also go so far as to say it also undermines who Amy is as a person. Amy is a multidimensional character full of her own hope and wonder. She’s dealt with traffic and taxes and politics and assholes. She’s had her fair share of having nothing but instant ramen in her kitchen cabinet and forgetting her umbrella on the one day it rains. Amy Rose has lived life on Earth and, despite every instance she has come across that might make her angry about it, she loves it. She champions Earth because she knows it and loves it- she is intimately invested in this pale blue dot we call home. Her reasons are unique and separate from Maria’s because they’re two separate people, and whereas Maria loved and longed for Earth in the way of an idealized dream, Amy has lived the imperfect reality and loves this planet all the more for it. 

A moment can happen where one person reminds another of someone dear to them who is now gone and have it mean nothing else other than ‘Oh, I remember again, and oh, they would have loved you.’ 

And it’s just that- a moment. A singular instance in time of recollection. But then the moment ends, and it is still just those two people in the room. The moment is only between them and them alone. 

To shove Amy into a Maria-shaped hole in Shadow’s life just… it reduces Shadow to his grief alone, undoes the significance of Maria and her life, and removes Amy’s own agency.