i've been thinking about violet evergarden
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I remember watching this show for the first time during lockdown, it was the height of my return in watching anime shows again since school's out and there was nothing to do. My friend recommended it to me while we were looking for something to watch during her sleepover, we don't talk anymore, but I will be eternally grateful for her since she's the person who pushed me to watch my all-time favorite anime, Violet Evergarden.
I have this shit tattooed on my body— best believe I LOVE and have a lot of shit to talk about this anime. Too much actually that after 3 (or 4?, idk) years, I still don't know where to start.
Let's start on where I got hooked— oh, spoiler warning, go watch the show before you read this 'cause this is not going to be spoiler-free.
꒰ྀིㅤepisode one: "i love you" and auto memory dolls⠀ ಿৎ
From the first episode, I already know that this was a post-war setting, and don't get me wrong— I love war stories, not because of the violence, but because it's so inspiring and you can learn so much from it. I think I got that from my dad, he was the one who educated me about world wars, more than my history teacher.
So, this was a time where a lot of people didn't know how to read and write. That baffles me, I can't even imagine not being able to do something so simple? no, expected of me? I don't know, just something. I mean, now it's so normal that I'm writing about this anime show that I absolutely love, like how am I going to share that with other people? How will the show even exist without the writer?
It really makes you realize how important this skill is, especially for communicating with people who aren't with you. Jesus, I remember thinking a lot "Damn, if I were to meet up with my friend, how am I supposed to tell them where I am?" — additional information, I'm so bad with directions and navigation so let's just say, if I was reincarnated in this era, I would be 90% lost.
Another thought is, oh how fucking embarrassing would it be to let someone else write out your feelings to someone that you like, but also, how endearing it is that someone loves you that much that they set aside their pride— get vulnerable infront of a stranger so that their feelings would get to you.
"I heard that my childhood friend of mine… recently received a marriage offer from another man, so… I want you to tell her this!
You were the first person… who was kind to me. I appreciated it. You were everything to me. I would have done anything for you. Anything at all. I want to know how you feel. I want to understand what’s in your heart. Even though… we’re apart now… I love you."
It's so simple... yet incredibly beautiful. An Auto-Memory Doll's profession was to be able to write— no, translate the feelings of a person to another. How are you able to understand them? But more importantly, for Violet, what's the meaning of I love you? When do you say it? How do you know that you love someone? What is love?
That's when she rushed into Claudia's office, demanding that she wants to become a Doll. Not because she wants to be able to help people communicate, no, it's because she wants to know what the word "love" means. She never heard it before, and the first time she ever heard it was during the last moments of her in the battlefield with Gilbert, when he was telling her to go and live freely— not as a weapon but as a person. It was his last words to her before the place exploded, before she never got to see him again.
That was the part that got me hooked. At times, I would think that I know exactly what love is, but sometimes, I would be completely clueless. Those moments where I'm clueless were moments where I am asked "What is love? What does it mean?" How am I going to explain it to someone like Violet? And then the doubts come in— do I even know love? Is love what I feel or is it familiarity?
disclaimer: up until now, I don't know what to feel about the whole... age gap thing with Violet and Gilbert. don't get me wrong, I HAAAAAAAATE IT— it ruined the show for me that's why i'd think of it as another kind of relationship, not romantic. lmk your thoughts 'cause that's my only ick with the show, this gorgeous gorgeous show, ruined by a man (why am i not surprised)
Anyway, that's all for this day. There is MUCH to talk about Violet Evergarden so I don't want to do it half-assed. Message me if you wanna be mutuals! I'm new here so if there's anything I missed or anything that I did wrong, please let me know!
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Fun Things Are Fun
I wouldn’t say I grew up watching anime. Most of my childhood was spent with shows like Star Wars: The Clone Wars or Avatar: The Last Airbender. Sure, I had seen the occasional clip from shows like Dragon Ball or Pokemon or even more recent works like Attack on Titan, but the idea of ‘anime’ being different from cartoons never really entered my mind until I somehow sat down in 2016 to watch K-ON! Looking back, I have no idea why I decided to watch something so outside of my comfort zone, but I’m happy I did because K-ON! introduced me to anime, and it has made an indelible mark on my life because of it.
K-ON! Focuses on a high-school girl named Yui Hirasawa. She’s an airhead and clumsy and innocent. And at first glance, she and I could not be more different. But as the show moved past her introduction, and I got to see Yui struggling with picking out a club to join, I realized that there might be a little bit more to her than I had thought, and I empathized with her on something very unexpected: the feeling of being aimless and a little bit lost.
I had always struggled with not really knowing what exactly I wanted to do, and questions like ‘What do you want to do when you’re older?’ or ‘Where are you going to go to college?’ were ones I had to deal with on a weekly basis. And I was just smart enough — or maybe pessimistic enough — to realize that I couldn’t be a writer and an astronaut and a trauma surgeon and an aerospace engineer and a marine biologist and an archaeologist and a chef and a diplomat and a… you get the point. But I was also a kid who ‘had a gift’ and was ‘way smarter than the rest,’ so I couldn’t just give up. I ended up grinding away and eventually got burnt out working toward an uncertain future after realizing that not only was I not enjoying life in the present, but I didn’t even have a guarantee of enjoying it later. And I guess I saw a little bit of myself in Yui because a part of me wondered if I could learn anything from this strange and timid girl. So I kept watching.
Yui ends up joining the Light Music club with three other girls; Ritsu, the tomboy genki drummer, Mio, the shy but responsible bassist, and Mugi, the cheery and easily excitable keyboardist — Azusa joins the band a year later as well, but for now, it’s just these four and their club adviser. A common joke you might see regarding this series is that K-ON! is a music anime where they never play music, and there’s certainly a bit of truth to that. Most of the band’s days are spent doing nothing but talking, eating cake, and drinking tea — I mean, the band’s name is literally ‘Ho-kago Tea Time’ — which begs the question, what is this show actually about? And to answer that, I would like to use a quote — one that I really think captures the essence of K-ON!
“Fun things are fun.”
Yes, yes, truly the erudite our protagonist Yui is with such a compelling and insightful take on the nature of things, but it’s true. Fun things really are fun. And I think a lot about this quote even today. All too often, we go through the fun parts of life without really appreciating the simple joy that comes with them. Yui believed in having tea and eating cake and practicing songs with her friends because doing all those things was fun. Having fun was the point. And as I have continued living my own life, I have tried to keep that idea in mind. Obviously, my life did not magically become enjoyable and happy overnight, but I really have found myself appreciating the small things more. I’m still not quite sure what the future holds — and that can be a very scary thing indeed — but I do know that I can always enjoy the fun things now, regardless of what might happen later. So, thank you, K-ON! for reminding me about the love that comes with the small stuff — and for introducing me to an art form that would change my life in so many more ways.
If you’re considering giving this anime a try, I highly recommend it. Because in a world where the good parts of life can pass us by in a blink, it can always be helpful to remind yourself that fun things are fun.
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My thoughts when I played Hakuōki for the first time
It’s been 2 years since I first played Hakuōki Kyoto Winds/Edo Blossoms so I thought I could share the notes I took back then. It’s mostly rankings with explanations.
Short Backstory: I only play otome I find on Steam and one day I found Hakuouki on there. I saw the time period, was reminded of the movie “Last Samurai” with Tom Cruise and immediately was like: “Oh, no, I don’t wanna play this misery fest.” But I was still interested (since there’s so few otome on Steam) and thus watched the first movie on Amazon. I don’t remember exactly what I thought of it but I must have been frustrated by how they handled Chizuru... One day, it’s the pandemic, I was stuck in my apartment and I bought KW & EB. And the rest is history…
Note: This is no debate, just my opinion, so don’t expect well-written, logical arguments for anything I wrote here. My opinions aren’t meant to offend anyone but if you don’t like Hakuōki or your favorite character(s) being critically/negatively discussed, please don’t read this or proceed with caution.
Feel free to share your first impressions of KW/EB or Hakuōki in general!
My thoughts after playing Kyoto Winds:
Love Interest Ranking:
1. Saito – perfect Kuudere! Always rational and logically-thinking.
2. Okita – child and adult at once, stubborn, teasing; I find myself in him. (I wasn’t in love with him back then and had to warm myself up toward him.)
3. Iba – perfect, but maybe TOO perfect… (I thought he would turn out to be a Yandere.)
4. Toudou – such a cute little baby!
5. Kazama – human-hater for good reasons, sadist with a soft side to him.
6. Nagakura – my broooo; his energy is contagious!
7. Hijikata – strict and soft at once.
8. Ryouma – hot, but TOO hot, too pushy, seems fake sometimes.
9. Yamazaki – powerless and seeking-to-be-useful like MC.
10. Harada – friendly sexist. (Did you know there’s a thing called “benevolent sexism”? That’s what he embodies. Yes, that’s still my opinion about him.)
11. Sannan – craycray for understandable reasons.
12. Souma – fanboy with ideals instead of a real personality.
Routes
1. Saito
2. Okita
3. Toudou
4. Iba - I didn’t like the ending. I also didn’t like that he let Takeda drift away in the river and MC didn’t question his behavior. No matter if he was an enemy, that still was dishonorable of Iba.
5. Hijikata
6. Ryouma
7. Kazama – too few moments
8. Nagakura
9. Harada
10. Sannan – too few/weak moments
11. Yamazaki – too few/weak moments
12. Souma – more a love story between him and the Shinsengumi
MC (‘s personality)
1. Kazama
2. Heisuke
3. Okita
4. Saitou
5. Hijikata – she apologizes too often
6. Nagakura
7. Harada
8. Ryouma
9. Iba
10. Sannan
11. Yamazaki
12. Souma
Love Stories
1. Heisuke – puppy love: Heisuke is such a lovable cinnamon role.
2. Okita – slow-burn
3. Kazama – MC learns that he isn’t a complete jerk.
4. Saito
5. Iba – cute with problems
6. Nagakura – more like a bromance
7. Hijikata – slow approach but nothing romantic yet
8. Harada – he admires her strength but doesn’t want her to fight: imbalanced.
9. Ryouma – more sexual than romantic
10. Yamazaki – in the end too much too fast
11. Sannan – barely any chemistry, few moments
12. Souma – no chemistry between MC and him
My thoughts after playing Edo Blossoms:
Love Interests:
1. Okita – joker with so much passion and so much warmth… (Can you tell I had fallen in love?)
2. Sakamoto – full of life and passion, his heart in the right place, jokester, intelligent
3. Heisuke – puppy that grows up
4. Nagakura – energy, empathy/compassion for enemies, sense of responsibility for his comrades, love for freedom/independence
5. Hijikata – strict, honorable, soft, can also tease/joke
6. Iba – such a good guy
7. Souma – a boy that grows into a man, cute like a kitten, courageous and proud like a lion
8. Saito – rational and shy, strong will
9. Harada – kind and hot but believing in traditional gender roles
10. Kazama – JERK with kind side, CAN be respectful
11. Sannan – I can’t warm up to this Kuudere; he tends towards madness because he doesn’t want to be (seen as) useless.
12. Yamazaki – irrational, crazy, power-hungry many times due to his low self-esteem, walking red flag. Why should I believe that he sees MC as more than a token and blood bag? He shyly asks for his first kiss but then he immediately doesn’t care if MC wants to kiss him or if the kiss is hurting her. Furthermore, he doesn’t show much interest in MC.
Routes:
1. Okita – all these feelings… This isn’t just Sōji’s route but Yukimura’s as well.
2. Sakamoto – kinda had everything (humor, drama, emotion) and nothing that bothered me too much.
3. Hijikata – Drama, baby! Many ups and downs, moments to laugh and to cry. The moment Kazama recognizes Toshi as a demon has gravitas and his death is honorable. The Sannan-subplot makes sense, Kodo’s death is cheap and easy. I love that Okita gets another scene BUT after that he is never mentioned again!
4. Heisuke – heartbreaking how a ray of sunshine turns into a depressive pessimist… Sannan as a crazy villain is an absolute no-go! This makes him weaker in Toshi’s and his own route because his downfall doesn’t really fit his character.
5. Nagakura – because of the depressive phases and MC’s will to fight. I find it immensely astonishing that Nagakura didn’t need nor used his Fury powers.
6. Iba – because MC took over control several times and Iba respected her decisions.
7. Saito – it’s only about him… (His route frustrated me the most since I was so hyped up at the end of his route in KW...)
8. Sannan – tragic how many distrusted him and he still kept on fighting. …Wait! How come that Kaoru was useless if Kodo only wanted pureblood blood?? …More scientific stuff would have benefitted the route.
9. Harada – MC is an anxious nerve wreck. (This influenced my whole perception of the route.)
10. Souma – still too much focus on the Shinsengumi but Souma has a good character development – from boy into a man.
11. Kazama – boring, nothing happens, threats are taken care of too soon; basically Yukimura’s route just with Kazama.
12. Yamazaki – Kazama takes the final blow from MC! Plot hole/Error: Furies don’t attack MC until Yamazaki defeats Kodo.
MC (‘s personality)
Baseline: She always feels guilty for everything and is just glad to serve as a blood bag…
1. Okita – She does not feel guilty for once and isn’t the only one that cares and makes sacrifices. Plus, she fights physically two times (against Kazama and imperial soldiers, she kills one) and verbally with Kaoru and Kodo in the end.
2. Iba – She has helpful ideas several times and Iba trusts and listens to her. But she thinks Iba is too good for her… BIG NO GO: MC would have let Iba r*pe her because she was sure that this was the demon arm’s doing. This situation traumatizes her for a little while.
3. Sakamoto – intelligent, passionate and strong-willed. She is not let down by insecurity, guilt etc., isn’t wailing the whole time and she is seething with anger towards her father due to his experiments (instead of wailing and not wanting to accept the truth).
4. Nagakura – she exercises fighting and enjoys Shinpachi’s blood-sucking. However, she accepts his proposal when they kiss for the first time and she never fights…
5. Toudou – she has a rather strong will and motivates Heisuke with her optimism but she doesn’t fight or does something else…
6. Hijikata – she cries easily but can talk big, has a strong will. But she is nothing more than a housewife…
7. Saito – she is nothing more than a caring, loyal housewife and a slow-witted blood bag (doesn’t understand what he feels for her until it is spoken out loud). But hey: At least she initiates her first time – on top of him.
8. Sannan – strong-willed but even she is doubting Sannan towards the end…
9. Kazama – she isn’t afraid to speak her mind in front of him, she regulates her objectives. She doesn’t want to re-open the Yukimura clinic even though she likes to take care of others, she is not a fan of marriage, would only marry Kazama.. But in the end, she gives up everything to be with Kazama.
10. Souma – she doesn’t do anything, does not confess to Souma but at least she asks him to spend the last night together with her. She only follows Souma and waits for him – as she is his senpai, I would have expected more of her. Since the north star represents Souma’s purpose of life for him and he is MC’s north star, MC’s purpose of life is Souma…
11. Harada – zero self-confidence, zero self-worth, 1000 anxieties… Harada’s love gives her strength, she only wants a peaceful life as wife, housewife and mother. (The first part reminds me too much of my hurting and depressed teenage self, the last part is something I cannot relate to.)
12. Yamazaki – completely dependent on him, weak, low self-worth, likes to be used.
Love Stories:
1. Okita – so mutual, equal and not toxic. At the beginning, MC takes care of Soji, later he takes care of her. For the first time in his life, he wants to live for ‘selfish’ reasons and wants to spend the rest of his life with MC. Both support each other until the very end.
2. Iba – cute.
3. Sakamoto – he jokes a lot but develops feelings for MC, takes care of her and respects her wishes.
4. Heisuke – it’s more about fighting Heisuke’s problems than their relationship..
5. Saito – slow burn but only MC sacrifices herself for him, not the other way round.
6. Hijikata – takes a long time but is rather cute. He gets softer and can tease MC.
7. Souma – kitten love but development isn’t really visible. Others have to bring them together…
8. Harada – MC depends on his reassurance. It feels bad that Harada is leaving his friends behind for her even though that’s a ~romantic~ gesture.
9. Kazama – he respects her wishes and learns something new. But in the end, he is as ignorant and arrogant as in the beginning… (I HATE THIS still.)
10. Sannan – seemingly pure love: all-trusting, all-forgiving… (You should not trust someone when they don’t trust you back. You should not forgive if you never get anything back in return.)
11. Nagakura – romantic development rather sudden or primarily in the blood-sucking scenes.
12. Yamazaki – rather one-sided and toxic.
Couples I can support:
OkiChi, IbaChi, SakaChi.
Couples I can accept:
HijiChi, SaiChi, HeiChi (Somewhere along the line Heisuke got lost in his own feelings and stopped empathizing with MC. Granted, that’s how depression works, but it does not make for a good relationship. At least in his epilogue, we see him apologizing to MC for not helping reach her goal of finding her father. A glimpse of Kyoto Winds’ Heisuke.), NagaChi, SomaChi
Couples I can barely tolerate:
HaraChi (MC depends too much on Harada’s support; Harada projects his own dreams too much on her without really considering her feelings (though it seems like he cares at first sight).)
SanChi (There’s not much common ground between the two. Sannan does not seem to have much of a romantic interest in MC. He seems more like a happy single. Pairing him with MC is like rewarding her loyalty, kindness and patience with a relationship despite a lack of reciprocated feelings.)
KazaChi (JUST because of that darn ending!)
Couple I find repulsive and can only warn others about:
YamaChi
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