#resort. i didnt want to do this but I have no where else to go. i only have a week

[robotpussy]

ok this is the first time ive ever had to do this but I really need the help right now. i know its going to be hard to get the full amount in the time that I have but any help would benefit me so greatly. i am putting the explanation under the cut as it is very long but TLDR:

I got into the film school of my dreams on a scholarship, but student finance will not pay for the full course fee because my university is independent, (£20k, SF can only pay £14.4k) so I have to pay the remaining fee (£5.6k) by June 1st. I cannot graduate if I don't pay this fee and I am under 2 months away from graduating. all evidence and explanation is under the cut.

gfm is here if the link above doesn't work

thank you to anyone in advance.

I have been studying filmmaking for 2 years at university and I am 2 months away from graduating. I got into this university through a scholarship that reduced the standard course fee in half. Usually, Student Finance/the government will pay for these course fees, but because my university is private, they are unable to pay the fee in full. My course costs £20k and Student Finance will pay £14,400 of this. This means I have to pay £5,600.

Here is the evidence and proof that I did get into my university on a scholarship and what my university offers in terms of fees:

I have been looking for financial support for 2 years (before I even started attending but had a confirmed place) and it has not been enough. I have contacted my local authority for years about the grant I am entitled to as a foster care leaver and the most I could receive was £2,000 that ended up going to paying my gas and electric bills.

I have also gone to many charities to ask them for support and many of the responses I got were "go to your local authority". I did find one charity that was willing to help me but the sponsors of the charity decided that I would receive a laptop and they would pay for the travel costs to my university for a year instead. I am eternally grateful for that but now I have nowhere else to go for this.

I would really appreciate any help I am already having a extremely hard time dealing my current eviction and I am on the verge if being homeless I would just like to get something off my back and I would rather graduate and get this over with. I am still actively working to find places that are willing to help me but in the time that I have now I would appreciate it if I could get something in the meantime.

[lostalioth]

𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡

→ premise: logan was obsessed, he was from the moment he met you. he didn’t get crushes, but you’ve turned the big bad wolverine into a depraved puppy and he’s had enough.

→ pairing: logan howlett x fem!reader

→ warnings: 2k words, smut | 18+, obsession [not dark, just like a big crush, idk how to actually write obsession well], belly bulge, unprotected sex, nicknames [baby, princess, pretty girl], creampie, I visualized like x1-3 logan when writing but you can imagine whichever logan era.

→ a/n: kinktober 09

Logan was utterly obsessed, entranced by your entire being. If he didn’t already know what your mutation was, he'd swear you were a witch that cast a love spell on him so he goes starry eyed and dulcet when you walk in a room. He wasn't the kind of man to get crushes, he did one night stands to satiate his needs and yet now he can't bring himself to want anybody but you.

You and your pretty eyes that sparkle when you look at him and flutter your eyelashes to get what you want. You and your tendency to brush against him or run your hand down his arm when you walk around him making his brain go fuzzy and getting him all flustered. The whole team could see how smitten and enthralled he was with you, mocking him and calling him a love sick puppy especially when you go away on mission and he mopes around the mansion. He’s had enough of the little flirting back and forth and nothing coming of it, he was desperate for you and his crush was only getting stronger as the months went on.

You had just gotten back from a short mission with Storm and Jean when before you could even say hi to everybody Logan is grabbing your hand and pulling you away down the hall. “eh- hey! Lo slow down” you squeal out as he drags you along behind him, heart racing at the feeling of his fingers intertwined with your own. The nickname you've resorted to calling him as the two of you have gotten closer makes his ears ring. He loved when you called him Lo you were the only one allowed to, anybody else who tired got glared at.

“Need to talk to ya’ now, right now” he grumbled out, his signature, you swore permanent grumpy scowl plastered on his face. He continues to tug you down the long hall towards your bedroom. Your eyebrows knit together in confusion at where he's taking you. Pushing open your door, he turns around and yanks you inside. Shutting the door, his body now facing you. His grip on your hand is still tight, he didnt wanna let go especially not when you haven't said anything about the fact he’s practically holding your hand.

“What is it? Is everything okay Lo?” You question in that sweet concerned voice you give him when he tells you he didn't sleep well because of another nightmare. “Do you want me?” He blurts out so fast the words practically blend together. You think you hear his question and it makes your head spin in more confusion but you needed him to repeat it. “What’d you say” you question as your gaze stays fixed on Logan, his own glued to your face watching for reactions. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves he starts again “Do you want me?” He questions in a slower softer tone.

Now your head really was spinning and slick settled in your core at his wording, he wasn't asking if you liked him, no he was asking if you WANTED him. your eyes that were on him are now darting around the room like it's the most fascinating thing. Through the fogginess of your brain all you can manage to eat out is a “What..?”

Pushing forward Logan backs your body up against your shut bedroom door, his frame looming over you and blocking you in. The hand that is not entangled with yours comes up to your chin to grab it and make you look at him. “Do. You. Want. Me? I'm not repeatin’ myself again pretty girl” he growls out, punching out each word of his question. He was losing his patience especially after the sweet scent of your arousal fills his nostrils and makes his cock twitch. “Cause i want you princess, have wanted you for fuckin’ months. And it's killing me, you’re killin’ me pretty girl” he groans out in frustration.

“Do you even know what you do to me? What my crush on you is doin’ to me princess? All our flirting and lingering looks, everybody always mocking me for how I act round you” he continues to ramble on, pulling your face closer to his as he waits on an answer to at least one of his questions.

“Yes..i want you Lo” you mumble out breathlessly and low. A big lopsided smirk spreads on Logan’s face as your words register in his head. “What was that baby?” He teases, needing you to repeat it just so he can hear it again.

“I want you Logan, really fucking bad” you whine out as your core aches for attention, your hips gravitate towards his to push against him. “Shit- fuck it” he groans out and grabs ahold of your waist and crashes his lips agaisnt yours, he knew the two of you should’ve gone back to the team. You needed to give Charles a debrief of the mission but Logan could care less at the moment. You kiss him with the same amount of passion and fever as your arms wrap around his neck pressing your chest to his. You hum and moan into the kiss sending vibrations through Logan’s body and straight to his confined cock that was begging to be released. “Jump and wrap ya’ legs around me baby” he instructed, his words mumbled against your lips but clear enough for you to understand. Jumping up a bit, Logan catches you by grabbing onto your ass as your legs wrapped around his waist. “Atta girl princess” you smile against his lips at the praise while he walks the two of you over to your plush bed.

Laying you down on your back, he keeps his body between your spread thighs as his mouth pulls away from yours and drifts down to kiss at your neck. His hard cock pressed right up against your leaking cunt in this position, his large hands rubbing and groping all over your body. Running over your hips and waist, palming over your tits and grabbing at your ass, anywhere his hands can reach, indulging in the fact you're allowing him to touch you like this. “Mhmm Lo, baby please i need you” you whine out and buck your hips against his, grinding your core against his bulge. “Yeah? Whatcha need baby? Huh princess? Use your words” he doesnt pull away from your neck, continuously kissing it and along your collarbones and chest as you were wearing a low cut top, even sucking and biting at your skin to form hickeys.

”Need you, need you to fuck me Lo please” you whimper out and tug at the wasit band of his jeans as well as push up at his white tank top. “Yeah i can do that baby fuck” he grunts out and sucks in a breath, a shiver going down his back when you strach at his lower stomach and happy trail. The feeling of your hands on his bare skin makes his body tingle and skin feel on fire.

His movements are frantic as he is quick to strip off his shirt and yours. Pulling your pants down and off your legs alongside your panties, leaving your bare pussy exposed to the cool air. “Oh fuck~ shes so pretty” he mumbled out under his breath seemingly to himself, you werent sure if it was aimed at your cunt or you. in his haste he just barely pushes his jeans and boxers down enough to free his cock. His throbbing cock springs free, making you gasp at his size, he didn't feel nearly as big when it was hidden as he looks now. His cock long and so deliciously thick that it has your mouth watering wanting a taste. You knew your jaw would burn to accommodate his size; you couldn't imagine your cunt fitting him. “Lo i don't know if it’ll fit” you whine out, looking into his lust blown eyes with concern.

“Pretty girl if you’re as wet as ya’ smell i’ll slip right in” he chuckles softly, grabbing himself at the base and nudging his mushroom tip to open your slit and rub it through your soaked folds. Your slick collects and mixes with the precum leaking from his cock lubing up his shaft and tip. Your hole clenches around nothing everytime he brushes over it making your hips twitch and thrust up trying to get him to push inside already.

“Mmm Lo..please just fuck me already” you whine out and squirm. His brows furrowed in concentration, gaze locked on where your bodies meet, trying his hardest not to already blow his load as he lines his tip up at your entrance. Just rubbing over your pussy with his cock was causing his balls to tighten, your pussy felt heavenly and addicting. This moment was 10 times better than any of the hundreds of wet dreams he had late at night where he’d wake up with a wet spot forming in his sweats.

He lets out a broken gasp that morphs into a string of curses when he finally slowly pushes into the wet heat of your cunt. “Oh fuck~ shes already squeezin’ me so tight baby” he grunts as he finally bottoms out buried to the hilt, his hips wasting no time in finding a rymth and thrusting deep inside you. the sting of your pussy stretching to take his cock makes your head go hazy, eyes screwing shut in bliss.

You clench around him and Logan cant stop himself from thrusting harder and faster, a slurred pussy-drunk mess of sentences fall from his mouth.

“Fuck youre so hot princess, s’good for me” “Cant believe ya’ letting me do this to you, fuckin’ you like this” “Dreamt’ bout’ this for so long, been fuckin’ obsessed with ya’ for forever” he whines out in a long run on setenace as his hips slam against yours, the filthy squelching sound of your cunt and your moans and whimpers fill the air in your room. You didn't care that you were being loud enough that anyone who walked past your door would definitely hear you and know what was going on. the knowledge of that seemed to be spurring both you and Logan on more.

His eyes are locked at where your bodies are connected, his cock creating a bulge in your lower stomach every time he thrusts all the way in. “Fuck baby, look at that, my cock s’big its making a bulge when im buried inside” he groans out and presses down on your lower stomach making your cunt clench down harder on him, your body trying to milk his release out of him. Tipping your head down you open your eyes to watch as his cock thrusts in and out of your throbbing pussy, his tip driving right into that spot deep inside you making you see stars. That spongy spot that your toys could never reach just right when Logan would get you all worked up with his flirting, not like his cock currently is.

“M’gonna cum Lo- baby, Fuck- mhm~ wanna cum with you please” you moan out, your sentence coming out broken up as your climax was teetering on the edge. “Im gonna cum too baby don’t worry pretty girl” he hissed out as his fingers dig into your hips, his own flattering in there thrusting as his cock twitches inside you. “Cum on my cock princess, gonna fill this pretty up makin’ it all mine-” you cut off his sentence by grabbing ahold of the back of his neck, pulling his face down to kiss him desperately.

“Already all yours Lo, i been yours the whole time” you whine against his lips as your high washes over you, cumming on his cock as his thrusts speed up one last time.

Your cream coating his cock acts to further lube up his thick cock as it jackhammers into you, before your cunt milks Logan’s cum out of him in thick ropes that fill you. “Ya’ 100 percent all mine now baby” he hums into your mouth, lazily kissing you while he catches his breath, your hips grinding on his cock as you both ride out your highs.

→ a/n: fully meant to post this yesterday but i barely had anything written for it then and couldnt bring myself to write more. Im doing better than I’ve done the past 3 years with kinktober tho, gotten further than any other times.

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Terms and Conditions

Russell Shaw X F!Doctor!Reader

Summary: when your sister's fiance goes missing, you call Colter for help, and he brings along his rugged, but handsome and charming older brother, Russell.

Warnings: mature content, eventual smut so minors dni (always), no use of y/n, this part only contains cursing. I've never written anything so tame (it's okay next part won't be)

WC: 3.6k

A/N: so I finished tracker, yay and Russell owns my thoughts rn so here we are. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this. I'm not great at writing series, but this idea called for development I can't do in a one-shot. I started this right after finishing tracker last week and I finally had time to proof read it. I also had a hard time with Russell's characterization, mans been in only one episode, so if i didnt portay him perfectly sorry i tried. Happy readings.

I don't do tag lists, if you'd like keep up with upcoming parts follow @midnightreadinglibrary and turn on notifications (I only reblog my written works on there)

You have encountered a lot of grief and sorrow in your life. Pain, you were familiar with it. And you could safely say that one of the worst was heartbreak. You were all too familiar with that one. And right now, your baby sister was experiencing it, too.

“Rosie?” You called into your apartment as you kicked your shoes off and tossed your keys like they had offended you. With a heavy sigh, tired from a long and stressful day at the hospital, you dragged your sore feet through your apartment. 

The living room was empty, TV off. The kitchen was dark with the lights off. You frowned, calling your sister’s name, louder again. Couple seconds went by. Silence. You padded down the hall to the guest room. You could hear faint indistinct sounds. The closer you got to the guest room the clearer the sound became. It sounded like crying.

“Rosalie?” Your voice grew louder with concern as you opened the door to the bedroom, and there you saw your sweet baby sister, sobbing into her pillow. Your heart immediately sank and you rushed to her side. “Oh honey, it’s okay.”

You sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into a hug. She held you tight as she cried. It broke your heart to see her like this.

“It’s not okay! He’s been gone for over a week!” She sobbed. You squeezed her shoulders as she sat up and sniffled. “Our wedding is in three months! Why hasn't he come back?”

You stared into her eyes, the same color as your own and you sighed, only being able to give her a look of sympathy in return. You didn’t want to tell her what you thought.

“I dunno.. I mean.. What if he just.. You know?” The look on your face said everything you couldn’t with words, and Rosie looked like she wanted to cry even more.

“He didn’t bail. He wouldn’t… I know him. He's missing, why won’t anyone believe me?” She raised her voice, almost choking on a sob, and you immediately felt so horrible for even suggesting such a thing. 

“No, hey, I’m sorry for saying that, I do believe you. Have you heard anything from the cops?” She shook her head and you sighed heavily. 

“I can’t keep waiting, what if he got hurt? What if someone hurt him? Please, I need to do something.” She begged you, eyes filled with tears, you had never seen your sister so sad, so hopeless. She was always the more bubbly, optimistic and lively out of the two of you. But ever since her fiance went missing, you didn’t see that spark anymore. It broke your heart.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. I think I know someone who can help, alright? We’ll find him.” 

~~~~~~~

“Hey Doc, to what do I owe this call? It’s been like what, three years?” 

You sighed softly at the voice on the other line. You didn’t exactly want to resort to this, but you didn’t know what else to do, but you had the money, your sister didn’t exactly have a lot to spare with her wedding planning, and all.

“I need a favor, Colter. Well, not exactly a favor, I’ll pay but, I need help asap.” You rubbed the side of your throbbing temple, you heard him hum, telling you to go on. “My sister’s fiance went missing last week. They’re supposed to get married in three months, and the poor thing is a wreck.”

Colter sighed. “A runaway groom? You know what that sounds like, right?”

“Yes, I know. But I know this guy, he’s a decent guy, and I know he loves my sister, he wouldn’t just leave her like this.” You tried to explain, Colter sighed again. “Listen, the guy was in the Army, he’s a Navy SEAL now, went overseas a lot, and my sister told me he’s been acting weird since his last assignment. Just humor me, please? I can’t see her like this.”

Colter stayed silent for a long minute, you honestly thought he had hung up, but you ultimately heard him take a deep breath before responding. “Fine, send me his details, I should get there by morning if I head out now.” 

“Thank you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Chaos, chaos and more chaos.

You just wanted five minutes to breathe. You sat down, for the first time in hours today and took in a deep breath. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Rosie, almost zombie-like as she walked through the emergency department  You called out to her.

“Hey, did you get some sleep?” You asked her with worried eyes. She shrugged. “Listen, I called an old friend, he helps find people. Maybe he can find James, ‘cause the cops clearly aren’t going to.” You saw the smallest smile, and the smallest bit of hope light of her eyes.

“Really? What, is he like a PI or something?” She tilted her head at you, seemingly just as exhausted as you were.

“I mean..” You hesitated, unsure on how to explain Colter’s job to her. “I guess? He collects reward money. When someone goes missing and a reward is offered, he finds people for that reward.”

“But I didn’t offer any reward. I can’t even afford to buy a pair of shoes right now.. On my shitty nurse salary. I’ve already spent so much of my savings on planning the wedding. And these student loans are killing me. I can’t pay him.” She started to ramble in panic, motioning her hands around. You stood up and grabbed her hands.

“It’s fine. I got it covered. Take it as your early wedding gift?” You flashed her a toothy smile, hoping to humor her at least a little. She looked at you with apprehension. “Not a word, okay? I want him to come home to you, I don’t mind spending some money if it means you can be happy.”

She could have the happiness you never could.

Rosie’s eyes filled with tears and you thought she was going to burst into tears in the middle of the emergency department, but instead she hugged you, and she hugged you so fucking hard you thought she broke one of your ribs. You laughed softly and patted her head reassuringly. You were about to say something to her but you heard your name being called. You turned around and saw one of the rotation nurses.

“You have visitors at the front desk.” She told you. You scrunched up your face in confusion.

“Who? I wasn't expecting anyone.”

“Don’t know. The front desk just said two guys asked for you directly.”

Oh. Colter. But who was the other guy?

‘Alright, thanks.” You nodded at her. You then looked at Rosie with a warm reassuring smile and you held her hands in yours. “We’re gonna find James, I know it. I’ll let you know when my friend wants to meet with you, he normally likes to talk with the missing person’s closest relative. Try to focus on work alright?” 

You left her with that, hoping she would trust you. And you hoped you could trust Colter. With a heavy sigh you walked to the front desk of the emergency department. And there you saw Colter, hands in his pockets as he talked with another man you didn’t recognize. With a bit of skepticism, you approached both men, letting your presence be known with a clear of your throat. They both turned to look at you, Colter with a warm welcoming smile, but the other guy, who was arguably the hottest man you had ever seen in your life—not that it was relevant—looked at you like a deer in headlights, like starstruck.

“Hey Colter,” you gave him a cordial smile, then you looked at his slightly shorter companion, though both men were still a good head taller than you. “And Colter’s friend. Didn’t know you had a partner.”

“I don’t. This is—”

“Russell. Colter’s more handsome and charming older brother.” Russell interrupted, extending a hand to you. You looked at Colter, who looked less than impressed and you couldn’t help but snort a bit.

“I see the flirty nature is a family thing then?” You took Russell’s hand with a small laugh but you quickly swallowed when you felt the warmness of his large hand as it engulfed your smaller one. You weren’t really laughing then. You made eye contact with Russell, you had never seen a pair of prettier eyes, a breathtaking shade of green, and an intensity that was equally breathtaking. It didn’t help that he was smiling at you, too. 

You cleared your throat and took your hand back, choosing to look at Colter instead, “So uh, what’s the plan?”

“Right, well, first things first, I need more details about this James, think you could take an early lunch? I would also need to talk to your sister as soon as possible.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip, catching a glimpse of your watch before ultimately nodding, “Yeah, just give me an hour. We can meet at this cafe nearby, I’ll send you the address. You can meet with my sister after her shift. She’s been staying with me.”

They looked at each other for a second, shrugged then nodded at you. These two were definitely brothers. 

~~~~~~~~

You were frantic as you pulled into the cafe, running late after a code blue that took up almost the whole hour to get under control. You were sure that you looked like a mess, still in your scrubs, pieces of hair falling out of your bun as you entered the cafe. You were almost embarrassed that Russell was going to see you like this, you didn’t care too much about Colter, though. When you entered you saw them sitting at a booth, two cups of coffee sitting on the table but no food. You felt a bit bad. Colter noticed you and waved you over, making Russell turn his head to look at you. And somehow he didn’t seem to care about how wild you looked. 

“I’m so sorry. I had a code blue. I hope I didn’t waste your guy’s time.” You said almost frantic, barely able to catch your breath. You unconsciously sat next to Russell, who seemed quite happy about that.

“Nonsense. We were actually waiting for you to order, right Colt?” Russell reassured, and when you turned your head to look at him he was smiling at you, a toothy smile that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle a tiny bit, it was kind of cute, actually. 

“Yep. Russell insisted we waited. Even though we haven't eaten anything in over six hours.” Colter sighed sipping on his coffee. 

“Well at least one of you has manners.” You narrowed your eyes at Colter, and you heard Russell rumble a laugh.

“Y’know what? Let’s just focus on the case, okay?” You held back a laugh and simply nodded, trying to ignore the intoxicating scent of Russell beside you, a mixture of bourbon and sandalwood. 

Colter asked you a million questions, ones you had answers to, and others didn’t, which was probably best if he talked to your sister, too. Your food also arrived quickly, which you were thankful for since you hadn’t had anything other than the Keurig coffee from the doctors lounge. 

“So, you said James was in the army?” You nodded as you munched on a fry. “And is Navy SEAL now?” 

“Yeah, he went overseas every month or so. But after his last assignment a few weeks ago he told my sister about getting out.” You answered as you bit into your cheeseburger. You didn’t often like to indulge in greasy heavy foods, but you were beyond stressed from both work and your sister, so you needed some joy in your life.

“He wanted out? Why?” Russell asked beside you. You shrugged.

“I don’t know. One thing or another about being tired of being on the battlefield, wanting to be home more. Or that’s what Rosie told me.” You answered as you munched on your burger. You thought for a few seconds before speaking again. “But if you ask me, I think something went wrong in his last assignment. Rosie said he didn’t speak to her for a whole day after coming home, and that he was constantly on edge and irritable for weeks leading up to his disappearance.” 

“Maybe. Might be worth looking into.” Colter shrugged as he took a bit out of his sandwich. “You think we’d be able to look into his assignments overseas?” He asked Russell.

“Doubt it. If they’re classified, which most likely they are, they’d either have little to no paper trail, or they would be heavily secured.” Russell said with a mouthful of fries, which Colter clearly disapproved of. But Russell paid no mind to it, his attention was all on you.

“How do you know?” You asked Russell with genuine curiosity. He half grinned a bit.

“I used to be in the Army too. Spec ops. That's why Colter brought me along.” Russell explained, and you almost wanted to sigh out loud. “So I know damn well how secretive some of those overseas assignments can be. Most are black-ops and off the books. It’d be hard to find the files.” 

So much for tall, rugged and handsome. Guess you’re going to have to look from afar.

‘Well fuck. That sounds lovely.” You mumbled into your burger, annoyed and frustrated. Russell actually laughed this time.

“You know that burger isn’t gonna run away, right?” He chuckled at the way you were so aggressively stuffing your face. Colter narrowed his eyes at his older brother and kicked him under the table. “Okay, ow.” 

“Mind your business? Also, you have no room to talk dude.” You scoffed, eyeing his sriracha covered fries with disgust. “That’s actually fucking criminal.”

“Well, this one has a mouth on her. And here I was trying to be a gentleman.” He chuckled, playful grin on his face as he shoved a particularly heavily sriracha-covered fry in his mouth while you watched. “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, sweetheart.” 

You stared at him with an indescribable feeling. You didn’t remember the last time a man had this much of an effect on you. Sure, in your mind it didn’t do him any favors that he used to be in the military, but you’d gladly break your own rule for just a little taste of him. He was a little rugged, sure, but he was undeniably handsome and carried himself with an alluring sense of self confidence. And the way he smiled at you, God, it made you feel like a schoolgirl, warm and tingly. You didn’t remember the last time a man looked at you like that, either.

“Can we focus here?” Colter, the ever present voice of reason. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Who woulda thought, you look even more beautiful without the scrubs.” Those were the first words out of Russell’s mouth when you opened the door. You had told them to stop by in the evening after Rosie’s shift so they could talk to her. 

“Russell,” Colter sighed, looking at his brother with annoyance but Russell simply smiled, unapologetically proud of himself. They both looked at you, you were trying so hard not to smile right now. “Alright, is Rosie home?”

“Yeah, she’s in the living room. Come in.” You shook your head softly as you allowed both brothers into your apartment. 

You led them to the living room, you caught Russell looking around with curiosity. Maybe he was trying to figure you out, figure out how to get on your good side. But he otherwise didn’t say anything. 

“Rosie, the guys I told you about are here.” You called out to her and she immediately shot up to her feet and rushed to your side. You looked at her, poor thing looked like she had been crying again. “This is Colter, the tracker, and that’s his brother, Russell. They’re going to help us, okay? Colter just needs to ask you a few questions about James.”

Rosie was nodding profusely, “Anything, I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Just help me find him? Please?” 

Colter led her to the couch, perhaps she’d feel safer if she was comfortable. You didn’t want to intrude, you probably weren’t needed right at this time, anyway.

“I’m going to get you guys something to drink.” You announced, wanting to give them some privacy. 

“I’ll help.” Russell piped up and you looked at him with curiosity, he simply smiled at you. You didn’t bother to question him.

You went into the kitchen, Russell was close behind you. You could feel his intense gaze burn into the back of your head as you rummaged through your fridge. You tried to ignore it.

“Beer?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder at him. 

“Sure.” 

You grabbed three beers from the fridge and Rosie’s iced tea. You handed Russell his beer before moving around your kitchen to grab a glass cup from the cupboard. You poured the iced tea into the cup before turning around to find Russell still looking at you, with wonder, and maybe something else you couldn’t quite decipher. 

“So what’s your deal?” He asked you as he sipped his beer. You tilted your head at him and furrowed your eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, yeah you’re clearly a kick-ass doctor, and a caring sister but, what else is there? I don’t see any pets, surely no kids, no pictures on the walls, minimal decor, hopefully no boyfriend,” You laughed at the last part. “So, what are you about?”

“Right, well uh,” you chuckled softly, awkwardly sipping on your beer as you leaned on the counter. You shrugged. “I’m a doctor who works sixty-plus hours a week, I have zero social life, I’m not home nearly enough to have a pet. And I certainly have no time for the nonsense of men my age. But hey, if you want to know what I’m about, it’ll take more than just shitty beer and a kitchen conversation to figure me out.”

Russell smiled. Genuinely smiled. But it was a different kind of glint, like he was amused, impressed almost. He chuckled as he nodded, stepping to stand in front of you. You straightened up, looking up at him.

“Surely you’d have time to get a drink with me sometime then? I don’t know if I’m your age but I can assure you I’m not going to waste your time. Would love to try and figure you out while I’m here.” He bit his bottom lip, eyebrows raised and green eyes big with expectancy. 

Yes—said the warmth between your legs.

No—said your rational mind.

“Russell…” Your voice was a warning, apprehensive as you chewed on your bottom lip. “I don’t think I should be going on dates while my sister’s fiance is missing.” 

“It’s her fiance that’s missing, not yours.” He chuckled. You knew he didn’t mean to sound mean, or mocking but you scoffed softly, moving away from him. His words hit you in ways he could never know.

“I don't do… That. Y’know, dating? Or hookups. I don’t do romance, period.” You argued, hands on your hips. He tilted his head at you, eyebrows raised as he looked at you with that indescribably charming look of his. God, did he make it hard to say no.

“Don’t have to be anything. I’m not expecting anything. Just drinks, no strings attached, we’ll see where the night takes us, yeah?” He made a very compelling argument, and his unwavering confidence and charm was hard to resist.

Truly, you didn’t remember the last time you felt so tempted to go on a date with someone, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. From coworkers to patients have made advances you’ve always easily turned down. But Russell? You didn’t feel like you wanted to turn him down. You gave in so easily.

“Whadaya say?”

“Yeah, okay. Just drinks. We’ll see what happens. But don’t get any funny ideas, okay?” You warned him. He chuckled but ultimately raised his hands up in defense when you narrowed your eyes at him.

“I am a gentleman, sweetheart. I know how to behave in front of a pretty girl.”

Your concern was if you could behave in front of a hot guy. Especially when he was as hot as Russell.

[ooctlt]

I really like this blog most of the time, but sometimes you take reasonable earnest asks that are trying to be thoughtful, and are such a dick about it.

Like if it's the characters being dicks, fine. But you could say something in the tags or post to indicate you're not just viciously mocking someone for trying to engage.

I still haven't submitted an ask since seeing your response that led to comments along the lines of "anon should go die in a hole" for asking, pretty reasonably, why harrow would want to stay with people she didn't seem to like or want to be around or interact with.

(i know, because she does like them and does want them around but doesn't know how to show it) but it's an ASK blog. How do we hear that from her unless someone ASKS

i understand it might be surprising and a bit hurtful to see an ask answered with the characters being mean/flippant, and for that i do apologize that it wasnt made clear that it would be a common thing in this blog. id like to issue the disclaimer: there is always the possibility that the characters here will not take your question well. they might answer rudely, and instigating behavior is not only encouraged but expected on both ends. this does not reflect my personal opinions as the artist; there are over 250 asks even after i constantly compile duplicates, and i will answer the asks that i personally like.

i will assume you are referencing the two most recent posts where gideon acts rudely and i repost an old panel: for the former i thought anon was really sweet for being so heartfelt and encouraging, but gideon isnt the kind of person who needs to be told shes brave for doing that by a stranger. it was a simple act of survival. and harrow is still very much in the passive deprogramming phase. the latter response was meant to kickstart (spoilers) what i will call the "dicks last resort" arc, where i clean out the inbox and share more simple, low effort, but potentially rude responses*. this is because i have roughly drawn almost daily for 87 days straight, and would like to recuperate without being burnt out because i love this blog and i love art.

this leads me to my next point: some of these answers will be curt and short and rude, because they are easy to draw. if i only prioritized the "good" asks or to make certain ask responses kinder, or longer, it wouldnt be a daily blog. it would be a monthly blog where 5 asks get answered among 100s. i didnt anticipate people asking about harrows piercings, and i considered shutting it down by just having harrow say she likes them etc. but i did want to give more insight into harrows character even if she wouldnt say so herself, and that took roughly 3 full unemployed nights. if i treated every ask in good faith the same way i wouldnt have time for anything else, because they take more effort and have to be seriously considered for the future. i can retcon their favorite ice cream or play off griddlehark fighting - it takes more to keep track of a narrative about people talking Around their issues

* by rude responses i mean "this will affect the 679ers negatively, much like making your sim 🧑‍🤝‍🧑➖➖ someone" there are a few asks planned to hurt in the same way one drafts a bad end in a visual novel, and this type of interaction is encouraged. of course if you dont want them to get worse dont send asks telling gideon she should flirt with MILFs (you cant send this ask now i already said it), but i encourage the banter.

TL;DR this is the "characters think you are weird for personal questions" blog. i am sorry i didnt warn of the ask-response banter, because i also enjoy drawing these characters being dicks. i do like when aggravation and conflict leads to character development. "how do we get earnest answers unless someone asks" sometimes you will never explicitly get that from them, and thats what the dead ends are for: to let you know to try something else and read between the lines

[beesmygod]

do you mind talking about what made effexor so bad for you? also where can I read about this streamer fake death lol

all the stuff on thedarkid is on SA in the sagas thread lol. i would prefer not to post a link bc the quality of new posters is at an all time low on that website and i dont want to contribute to the problem.

AS FOR EFFEXOR: i am prefacing this with the fact that this is my personal experience as a result of my body chemistry. effexor might work for some people with different body chemistry. my suggestion would be to try everything else first before resorting to this one and to be ready to feel really, really bad when discontinuing it.

i got off effexor because the negatives of taking it finally outweighed the positives and the problem i had been taking it for was no longer relevant. this will make me sound ridiculous so keep in mind i took crazy meds for this exact problem, but after we bought and moved into the house, i started having nightly panic attacks and weeping fits over both the decadence of my new non-renter lifestyle (which was materially going to impact the quality of my work and how i viewed reality) and the fact that i had taken a really big step toward commitment without having resolved the source of my deep social anxiety. i could realize how i was behaving and reacting was not normal and until i could get a therapist to address it, i was going to have to put a bandaid on it.

effexor flattened my emotions and my affect lol. this is really, really good for when you cannot reach a baseline of normality. this became bad when that flatness turned into apathy and started sliding into my day to day life. doing basic household chores became a daily struggle. then i started not making my deadlines on time because i completely lost the will to draw, which actively began to terrify me. and then once i started struggling to bathe and brush my teeth i was like "okay. something is really really wrong". so then i started the process of getting off.

that's the broad overview. i did not realize the extent of the damage it was causing me until i started getting it out of my system:

my sleep schedule was destroyed bc it gave me terrible insomnia.

night sweats. NIGHT SWEATS.

theres been a rash on my face for over a year that ive thrown EVERYTHING at to try to get rid of, thinking it was anything from lupus to a yeast infection. it turns out its just caused by the pill. it goes away when theres less in my system o_o

my lip was also split for a year. my gums were covered in sores. and the inside of my nose felt like someone put a weed whacker in there and sliced it up. huge scabs. constantly in tiny flecks of pain. miserable but not unbearable, you know?

pussy felt like sandpaper.

i didnt even notice this until later but it also made me fail to derive pleasure from the touch of another person. but like i wanted to. if someone held me or squeezed my hand it felt almost painful. shit made no sense but you just think "this isnt how its supposed to feel? whats wrong with me?". but like that's over. it stopped. it feels good again.

food tasted bad. and i dont mean no flavor i mean BAD. i say this a lot but i cannot understate how fucked it made my palate. its normal again thank god. i have a bag of coffee that tastes different depending on when the last time i took a pill was. i spent the last year complaining about how bad processed food tastes now like all companies decided to make their product bad instead of something being wrong with me specifically. but when adam's cooking started to taste bad i was like "wait. what? thats not possible". lol thanks honey for helping me realize....

this one is really weird: it would cause specific parts of my body to feel stiff. the worst and most chronic part was the small of my lower back, which felt pulled taught so tight it was uncomfortable. then it spread to the fingers of my right hand, causing me to have to stop every few minutes and scrunch my fingers to try to alleviate it. this symptom only returns after i take a dose now. it makes me thrash like a fish trying to get comfortable at night

[colrana]

i miss parker do you also miss parker (this is a request to hear more about your megan + parker interps)

omg...thank you for handing me the mic im so touched

the answer is yes! i do miss parker macmillan. i also miss megan ito! i miss them both so much. (also i feel deranged how it is confirmed that the book was the reader but im keeping my megan ito as reader thoughts forever!!!!)

i mainly focus on their relationship / megan ito more than just solely parker, but thats just how i go i suppose! parker to me kinda works in my brain how i believe that megan ito would exactly see him, and its kinda fitting in that way? (i do feel bad for that though) (im also paging @citadarkisle because hes my fiance and my parker interp is *heavily* based off his! he got more indepth thoughts on parker than i could ever muster)

so the way megan would describe parker would be this: a broken player who is a rival both and a friend, and full of *potential* melded up in one ball! with one issue: the parent issues. at least, thats how megan ito summarizes him and his issues. she kinda molds him into her narrative and makes him ripe for the saving and for the salvation that she truly believes she can bring to him.

parker in the meanwhile is kinda...passive to this? she isnt particularly harmful to him, and just having his boundaries be, as he would maybe describe, *gently* walked and trampled all over isnt really as bad compared to the literal hell his life is with being pulled at ten million directions and somehow being hated and revered at the same time... so like megan? yeah shes kinda like...maybe agreeable to that.

they have a roommates situation at megans place which is kinda pathetic-sad. awkward, quiet nights sleeping in the same bed because their relationship is like........ .............. incalculable. there is admiration there, but wrong? its to the left. there are arguments and boundaries crossed, but never to the point where they ever break off their friendship. and even saying *friendship* is odd. they were friends, yes! but then they got into a weird grey area........

i dont think theyve ever held hands or kissed or brushed arms or anything like that, actually. i dont think theyve had the silent-love filled room moments where they lock eyes and are smitten or like, believe that each other held love for each other. i think they knew they were in some *position* but not sure what it was. i mean they sure as hell were something more than basic friends. i think parker had normal friends somewhere in his teams! and megan too! but oh my god i think they were just in an interlocked battle that parker want *nothing* with but megan just had the fixation to keep holding him on.

i believe that megan is at heart a kind person and didnt mastermind the stolen forcefield out of ill will. i saw that action as a last resort for her. that she was willing to put their friendship on the line to make *visible* change in parkers life. she had an infatuation with fixing his issues, to finally pull him out of his shell, and to be *right* most of all. its kinda why i draw megans gaze towards the symbolic *orb* whenever i draw them together. i just love the symbolism of her being so fixated on something that doesnt exist, or doesnt need to exist, or that she never really properly took his words or history or anything truly to heart because she *felt* for his *situation* more than *him*.

you ever feel compelled to solve something for someone else? a problem that is so deep and beyond your means but feels so *tangible*? that youd do anything and would throw yourself into it to finally have it accomplished? to solve it *for* them, because you think you can see it from the outside and that gives you the authority and allows you to rob them their agency? these are the sort of questions that i play around with the parker + megan relationship as a whole....

i hope this wasnt too long!!! id love to elaborate more on specific details if anyones curious, but yeah! thank you ; - ;

[pbandjesse]

We are in Uganda! My body is a little confused sleepiness wise, but I am in a great mood. I think for this week I'm just going to write when I have downtime throughout the day, and post before bed. But that way I'm not forgetting anything and also not having to sit and write for an hour when I'm presumably tired from all the activities.

And while there are lots of things, we have been told that this is a place where things move slower, and to expect that. Which is fine with me, I have no real plan or schedule. I just want to have some experiences. Whatever that means.

I was able to get some sleep last night on the plane but after I did my post on our layover on Rwanda I was mostly awake. Our party was playing a card game during the layover and being a little loud and the woman in front of me and James was so mad about it. Like we get it, were all tired, but this is the last stretch and we will need to wake up a bit.

It's a little funny though that it's just so clear how American we are. I was worried about being to much but everyone in this group is so loud and boisterous and happy. Once we finally touched down in Uganda everyone was clapping and cheering and we got some looks. But we were just so happy to be off the plane.

My first impression of Uganda was humid but sweet smelling. It was a cool humid. Like I was still hot but it was with an undercurrent of coolness.

We got all gathered before we headed to immigration. It was very warm in that room but I was in a good mood. I was gross and very very ready to get to our room and get a shower. But that would come in time. First we had to get our visas approved.

The man who did mine was very nice. I was not prepared to have my picture taken but I didnt look to crazy. I was surprised that it is a whole sticker with my face on it inside my passport. But still very neat.

Once I was through I went to collect me and James's suitcases. Which thankfully made it without damage. They were slightly wet from the rain but I was just glad they were here safe. Everyone else would slowly trickle in and get their luggage. And they were all loud and excited. Clapping for us as we started coming through. The staff seemed a little shocked. Probably a combination of how early it was but also just being Americans. I texted Jess that everyone knew we were Americans and she said "the horror" which like. Yes. Embarrassing. Being known!

We would all have to get together to get on the little bus that Paul and Sam had coordinated. We got to meet Sam's uncle Joe who seems super nice. Everyone so far we have met has lovely smiles. I just want to make friends with everyone.

When we got outside my first big impression was that it is humid and smells nice. It was 430 am and I was having fun talking to Paula's sister Sydney about how me and James were able to bring so little bags. Everyone else has huge huge suitcases. I am always proud of how little I pack. It's a point of pride. Though now that we are in the country I do wish I had some different shoes. But shoes are always a struggle for me in travel. But everything else is perfect. And it was fun to discuss.

Getting all 19 of us on this little bus with the suitcases though just straight up wasn't going to happen. So uncle Joe would take all the carry ons and the big luggage would travel on the bus and we were able to squeeze everyone on. And we began the 40 minute drive to the resort.

We got to see interesting things right away. There is huge jackfruit growing all over. The buildings we saw were made of a late of tin and there are a lot of fences and security around things like the schools. We saw some stray dogs. Seeing vendors starting to set up for their day. I wanted to eat all of the foods. I was very excited to try as much as I can.

The drive was nice. We had the windows open. The breeze was great. And there was a lot of chatting and laughing and being silly. We were all so excited to go get clean and get some rest.

When we finally arrived the van struggled to get up the hill. We all were joking about having to lean into it or we would have to get out and push. But we made it there! And then through security.

We got all of our bags scanned. And then we were inside. It was so pretty! We had to give them out passports and visas to check in but we would get them back with our room keys. We had to wait about a half hour but we were all just chilling. Watching breakfast get set up. And discussing the day. We were all excited to hear new bird songs! As the world was waking up it was just so fun hearing birds we have never heard before.

We got our room key and James tried to lead the way but we went the completely wrong way. Oops. So we went back down and one of the staff walked us to our building which was a little down the way. And it was beautiful.

The room was not layed out the way I had pictured but not in a bad way. We have a balcony!! I am so excited about that. And the view is incredible. Like I am blown away. We can see Lake Victoria and some houses and trees and hills and I was just. Absolutely blown away.

We waited until our bags were delivered to take showers. But man was a shower amazing. I got my hair damp to put more conditioner in because the humidity is making me very fluffy. But I know I will just have to accept some amount of fluffy. I did bring my hot brush but I'm not to worried.

We finished getting dressed. Bug spray. Sun screen. And then breakfast!

We headed downstairs and others from our group were there. And I was excited to try things. Buffet was the best idea.

I want to try all the juices. Today I tried watermelon juice which was very nice. I got scrambled egg whites and their local potatoes which were fabulous. I tried a potato curry too which was great with the eggs. I did not like the roasted tomato but jersey tomatoes spoil me for most other tomatoes. I got to try watermelon yogurt which was great. I also tried a passion fruit and papaya. They were fine. But my favorite was the tree tomatoes. I had 4 of them. They tasted like really lovely sour candy. Incredible.

After breakfast we would go look at the plants and bugs. I took some pictures. But then we headed back to the room to rest.

We didn't plan on sleeping but we would sleep until almost 230 in the afternoon. And I was worried that it will mess up the sleep schedule later but this would be fine and was actually a really lovely sleep.

When we woke up I was in a good mood. The general plan was to meet the group at 4 to go to Sam's parents. But that would get moved to 7. So we had time to chill.

First we would stop at another room so James could get measured. I chatted with Uncle Joe and he laughed when I said how beautiful everything is and he was like you haven't even seen anything yet! But I did see the biggest snail I have ever seen in my life so I was still riding that high.

We went for a walk around the gardens. I would point out every bug and bird and small critters I could see. We found more jackfruit. And walked through the playground which has a full trampoline??? We would head down to the gift course, not quite on the lake but closer then we had been. I am just constantly amazed at how beautiful it is here. I can't wait to see more.

We joined friends at the bar and we're all fascinated by the conversion rate. My Pepsi with 8000 shillings! I hope to get some money to bring home as souvenirs. A lot of places will take us dollars and give you back Ugandan change but the dollars have to be nice and not torn or ugly.

Everyone here is so beautiful so far. The fabrics and cuts and everything has been so neat to see. I just want to people watch. And we would get those chances.

After we left the bar we wandered a little longer. And went back to our room to change into our nicer outfits. We would go and hang out in the atrium for a bit. James read on their tablet. I worked on some embroidery. Chatting and people watching. Paul's parents would come down and Paul Sr would show us some of the beautiful pictures he took this morning. We are all just having such a lovely time so far.

Me and James came back to the room and set up on the balcony. I cut more bracelet string. They read. We keep going "woah!!!" Whenever a bird flys by. And now we are heading to find the group again for the welcome party!

It actually took a while to get everyone together to leave for the party. We would meet everyone at the bar. Where I was invited to take shots but I declined. I still enjoyed saying shots shots shots.

It was a bit like herding cats. We would end up in someone's room pregaming and laughing. It has been really nice to be with the girls. I really like them. They are all so pretty and cool. And it's just been so nice talking to them.

When we finally found Paul and Sam and everyone was gathered we would get on the bus. One of the boys was almost left behind but he hustled and we were off to the compound.

And when Sam said compound she meant compound. We would drive through a market, almost all of the trip here was on dirt roads. It was fascinating. More tin buildings. Lots of people. Markers and children and dogs and so many motorcycles. The aspects of poverty are here, and from an anthropology angle it's fascinating, from a human angle I am not sure how to talk about it. I don't want to come across as patronizing, but I'm observing as an outsider from a place of privilege. I am fascinated by the society we have seen. It feels so far removed and different that I am just taking everything in best I can.

We started arriving at the compound and we were all surprised by how bumpy the roads were and that the tall concrete walls had barbed wire on the top. Someone made a comment about is it to keep people in or out? And how it is a little painful to see people have to fear their own community. But once we were past the gate we were in a paradise again.

It's dark out so we can't see to much of the grounds but the house Sam's parents have built is incredible. It's all clean lines and arches and lights. And as soon as we got here (after taking our shoes off to leave outside) we were greeted with hugs. And everyone has been so lovely.

Drinks and dancing and music and laughing. I got to give Sam's family the bracelets I made for them. And I have had some wonderful talks. Everyone is drinking and so happy and it's great. I am so happy for Sam and Paul. And the beautiful families they are bringing together. Like I could cry I am so happy for them.

And tonight has been so fun. I obviously did not eat the meat but James said it was amazing. One of the guys, Gabe, said it was incredible and James thought they were exaggerating but they were not. Everything I did have was so good. More potatoes and a slaw that was red and a salsa and avocado and naan. I also tried the papaya juice and it was all so fresh tasting. I would have liked a sauce of some kind because I like dips but I was still enjoying it so much.

I have been trying to just be very present. But as people are chilling and the dancing has calmed down (I was enjoying dancing too!!) and the speaker just died I wanted to get this finished up. I am not sure when the night will be over. But I'm really happy. This first day was so good. I can't wait to see what tomorrow is like.

I love you all. Until next time! Goodnight!

[chainreh]

rambling about the fell xenologue royals bc i can ↓ spoilers for the entire dlc

okay first off im gonna say its a missed opportunity to not give them alternative designs bc then even if someone didnt like the story they could be like well at least i got to see goth alfred or something. im not a character designer nor am i good at fashion but id say firene have a more muted colour pallette, with like navy blues and grey rather than the bright blue of their coat of arms. brodia less flashy. i love the armour of brodia its very cool but doesnt super suit their ideals in this au. ivy in purple and golds contrasted to hortensia in just like. white idk. make her look like a commoner. and solm also less flashy. maybe like mustard yellow colours. idfk. someone can probably do this better than me.

anyway i am firene biased but i really liked the idea of alfred being more of a figurehead whilst céline is actually the one in control. yes this isnt outright said but i think its kinda implied from how alfred seems kinda nervous and depressed and is like "i have no idea how to be a king" whilst céline is like "alfred if you dont approve this invasion im just going to do it myself". even at the end where theyre "redeemed" céline says "i am here to support you, alfred. lets head back so you can rest, hm?" which just seems like our céline right? when alfred was dying she studied and prepared herself to be the new heir in case he passed away and she had to inherit the throne, but after his recovery she instead dedicated herself to supporting him the best she can, as well as focusing herself on taking care of the more unsavoury parts of ruling. but i think from everything we've seen about céline in this world, she's still just taking charge. céline is proud and angry, alfred is unconfident and depressed. and céline loves alfred so much that she's basically controlling him. she's not the opposite of our céline, she's just gone to the extreme.

contrasting this with the relationship of alcryst and diamant. like Alfred and céline, diamant is not confident and alcryst is proud and thinks himself more suited to leading. i dont think its ever said why their personalities are like this (other than rafal like controlling them and stuff) but its my headcanon ever since the trailer came out that perhaps morion died much earlier in this universe, where alcryst was too young to remember. so diamant grew up with one of his biggest fears being true, and i dont imagine bereavement counselling would be too realised in fire emblem universe, so it kinda manifested into extreme anxiety maybe causing the people around him to give up on him becoming a strong king, instead resorting to grooming alcryst to be the way he is. and alcryst seems to be planning to kill diamant and take the throne himself (i think diamant even has fears about this if u fight him with alcryst). alcryst instead of having a inferiority complex has a superiority complex bc everyone in this universe is like "diamant is so useless as a king, you 'd be much more suited alcryst" really showing how your environment can shape you.

for ivy first off i have to say, her and zelkov being besties in the alternate universe is literally so fucking funny. more importantly i've seen some people saying "oh she's like how we all thought she'd be before the game came out!" which i dont really agree with? bc everyone thought she'd a camilla clone right? but i'd argue the most important part of camilla's character is that she loves her siblings and will protect them no matter what which alt ivy is Definitely not doing. this ivy also hates poor people and values her devotion to the fell dragon above all else. like ofc a big part of our ivy is her devotion to the divine dragon, but it's also very important to her character that she prioritises her subjects above all else (i think the givre port chapter highlights this, wanting to hurry to help people who are alive rather than clear the port of the corrupted), but alt ivy is too busy trying to revive sombron and slaughtering the solm army to care about who dies. and hortensia. oh my dear sweet baby girl i fucking CRIED at alt hortensia vs ivy oh my godddddddddssdd. it seems ivy inherited at lot of her mother's beliefs in this universe and hates hortensia and has also killed all of her other half siblings hahaha :'). anyway hortensias abuse from her sister seems to have really impacted her self worth. and i think "parents died much earlier" should also be taken for the elusians as well bc hortensia got a lot of her confidence learning from her mother right? one thing that sorta sucks is hortensia vs. goldmary being like "the three of us wanted to stand out" whilst shes standing there in her fucking silly little clown outfit and decked out pegasus, so once again, alt designs would have really elevated the dlc imo. anyway alt hortensia i am giving u a big hug my baby i love you🫂

and onto solm. okay im sorry but timerra was so lame. they could have really done something cool with her being serious, stoic, and essentially robotic in her rule but its literally just "merrin what are you talking about you hate animals! and im a vegetarian and i hate singing! and panette you hate ghosts!" and like that is the extent of it. they didnt even bother to explain what solm was like in this universe and feels like they just added her into the elusia chapter to be like "look three way battle! just like three houses!!! you guys loved three houses right???" im sorry timerra they did u so dirty :/. fogado on the other hand. ough its so good. so fogado is dead (theyre all dead technically but fogado is dead dead and aware it) and instead of travelling the country to aid timerra he's instead working directly for rafal as assassin, and is implied to hate timerra (he says something like "i always wished i would be the one to kill my sister but i guess i'll to settle for killing her lookalike" in his vs. timerra dialogue). and i dont this this dislike is mutual (alt timerra says she wants to hug fogado in her vs. him dialogue iirc). this fogado seems to be more... bloodthirsty ig and less into the like. sneaky fighting he does in our universe. he mentions in his conversation with bunet that bunet is a brute on the battlefield (alt!bunet neurotypical confirmation where?) and fogado seems really fixated on how bunet looked covered in his own blood. we know that our fogado is actually very scared about the war underneath his friendly persona from his supports with pandreo, but alt fogado seems much more emotionless about it. in fact this might tie into solm in this universe thinking about it, instead of being free they all repress their emotions or something, bc even though alt fogado still talks in a sorta lighthearted candace, if a little more intense sounding and sounds Especially off whilst reminiscing on bunet and pandreo's deaths. his final death quote being "im not scares. ive died twice now... whats one more time?" sure okay buddy i believe you.

thats about it for my thoughts. tbh i wish we got more screentime with these guys. nel and rafal and the winds are great dont get me wrong but i wish they had focused a bit more on the royals and how they are different to how they are in our universe (even tho there are a lot of unique boss convos with them most of the ones I've seen were not super interesting or insightful :/and you definitely cant get all of them in a single playthrough im pretty sure). sorry for the long post ty if u read this far🫶

[achaiapelides]

Kit's Diary

Chapter 16

Dear Ty,

I'm sorry I didn't write anything for the last few days. I was so exhausted from all the trips we made, that I fell asleep the moment I went to bed and didn't even think about you. Well, lies, I still think about you. Your ghost still haunts me in my dreams. (Ok stop with the cheesiness Kit! That happens, when you listen to Taylor Swift too much!) What I mean is, that I still think about you in every spare minute and I still miss you, but when I think about you it doesn't hurt as much. First I was scared that I would fall out of love with you and loose all my feelings for you, but I talked with Tessa about this and she said that she feels the same with Will, but that doesn't mean that she loves him any less than when he was alive. It's just that she got so used to thinking about Will and the pain that comes with it, that she got used to it. And I got so used to the fact that I can't be with you right now and have so much else to do, that it doesn't hurt as much. Just like when a child gets vaccinated and the doctor distracts them while giving them the shot. The needle is still there, but it doesn't hurt as much.

But enough about me still pining for you. Surely you want to know what I did the last few days. Or you don't. But I'm telling you anyways because this is still a diary.

So, on Tuesday we rented bikes at the holiday resort and then rode them to the neighbouring town Knokke which is in Belgium. There we went first to a museum about the birds that live in the area. It was very interesting. You would probably like it here. The first part of the museum was inside and you could do a test, how much you know about the birds while learning new things about them. In the end, you can print out your result. Afterwards, you can go into a park outside, where you can watch some of the birds. There, we met some experts who gave the young birds trackers around their feet to be able to locate them later. In a hut that was build in the beach area we found another bird expert, who didn't work at the park but still explained some interesting things to us. Sadly, I didnt really understand much, but I'm sure you would have understood everything. After the walk through the park, we also walked through the national park, which is located right across the border between Belgium and the Netherlands. On the walk we encountered some cows (?), that were laying around right on the walking path. No, they didn't run away from their farmer, they just live in the national park. So, we hesitantly walked by the cows, when Mina had the glorious idea to run to the biggest of the cows and pet it. I really thought it would get annoyed or scared and try to attack Mina, but apparently a little human is not scary enough for them, so it let her pet its face. Then a little cow also let me pet it. It was so cute. I even forgot to take a picture of it, but I'm pretty sure one of my pare Jem or Tessa took one. I will ask them. When we finished the walk, we were able to enter the museum again to go all the way up to its roof so we could take a look at the whole are surrounding the building. They also installed these big binoculars where you have to pay a few cents to use it for five minutes. Naturally, that's exactly what Mina wanted to do, so we all took turns with the binocular. There are many fields surrounding the museum and we could even spot some more cows on another field, but I'm pretty sure they were another breed, as they seemed to have black fur.

Then, Mina complained about being hungry, so we ate at the Café, which is located in the same building. We all ordered hot chocolate and some waffles, since Belgium is famous for its waffles. Which they deserve, to be honest.

(Omg, as I'm writing this, I can hear some cats fighting outside of my window. They sound so funny. Haha. Oh no, my laughing scared them away. Sorry, cats.)

Anyways, back to Tuesday. After eating the waffles, we paid, and rode our bikes to the beach, where Mina and I swam in the sea again and collected a lot of shells.There are these beautiful, long onesn that I absolutely have to show you and we even found one that looked like a sunset.

In the afternoon we went back home, where Tessa taught me how to cook spaghetti, while Mina run around the house, very proudly displaying the knowledge of how to pronounce "binoculars" and showed the plush dove, that she bought in the gift shop of the museum around the house. After dinner I was very tired and immediately went to bed. Mina joined me to cuddle and I guess we both fell asleep. Tessa found us and took a photo of us, which I'm not going to show you. Like never ever. It's very embarrassing. I drooled so hard on the cushion. Ew.

(Just found out that one of the fighting cats outside was Church. He looked at me with such an angel face I got another laughing fit. Haha)

On Wednesday morning we decided to do something calm that day, so we just went to the shops and bought some postcards and a small kite for Mina. I also bought a blue cap and a hoodie. Sadly, the only hoodie that would fit me was pink, but since I don't possess any toxic masculinity, I bought it anyway.

Lucky for Mina and her kite, it was very windy, so we went to the beach afterwards and managed to fly the kite. We had packed some sandwiches, so we spend the whole day at the beach and ate ice cream on the way home. After dinner I almost immediately fell asleep again.

Yesterday, we went to Sluis, which is a small town a few kilometres away from Cadzand, where we explored the shops and took a look at the old windmill in the middle of the town. I bought a snow globe in the gift shop. Also, the church there is apparently getting turned into a house to live in, like Shadowhunters do it for their institutes. Maybe it will be an institute some day.

In the afternoon, when we returned home, we saw two bunnies in a garden that looked time they were kissing each other and shortly afterwards a whole bunny family. Obviously I had to take pictures. At home, we wrote post cards for the people we know and when I brought them to the post office, I saw a postcard in a shop with a drawing of two bunnies kissing. I don't know why, but I bought it and another stamp, and WROTE YOU A POSTCARD. Yes. A postcard. No, I don't know what was wrong with me at that moment, but I put it into the postbox before I could rationally think about it and panic. I did that when I returned home. So yeah, if you received a postcard with two kissing bunnies on it, that was me.

Anyways, here are some of the pictures I took in the last days: (loads of bunnies, some of the cows, a windmill and the church I was talking about)

Now I have to go, because we're going to a town called Breskens today.

Lots of love (and kissing bunnies)

Kit ♡

Author's note:

Here I am, back from the dead. And not even on a Monday. Embarrassing. I was so stressed the last few weeks, that I forgot to continue writing. And the next few weeks, I have some exams, so I don't think there will be a lot of updates following this one until September. But don't worry, afterwards I will hopefully update every Monday again.

[i-sveikata]

I am fascinated by your character of Tankhun. At first I liked him for his compassionate nature and pitied him for his own fate. But now his many facets become clear. He is a true son of his father. He uses his own feelings as well as those of others to manipulate. I believe he likes Pete and wants good for him but, like a good liar who mixes truth with lies, he nevertheless spins his intrigue also to Pete's detriment.

When Pete cries on his chest I could have shouted at him: Don't do this! Don't believe a word he says, not one more loving gesture, Pete!"

His character melts away like water between my hands. I can't grasp him. Is there anything tangible, real left in him?

oh thank you!!! yes all of that is true!!! we can contain multitudes!!! and tbh i wanted to show more of the complex side of Tankhun which i believe they hinted at a bit in the show but didnt explore as much as they could have!

like out of all the family he definitely presents as the nicest if a bit eccentric and i do think some of that can be a mask sometimes! he definitely likes pete and wants the best for him but he also wants to go after vegas and make him suffer a little. the only issue is trying to figure out how to do that without impacting pete.

oh no!! i mean youre totally right to be suspicious but i really dont see tankhun as that cruel. he's thoughtless at times and anxious and severely controlling of his bodyguards (i think as a coping mechanism to make him feel safe when hes been kidnapped and traumatised so many times tbh) but i do think in the heavy moments like that he cant help but be present and comfort pete with sincerity. which is partially why he took the initiative to tell kinn everything (because it was something that was continually hurting pete and the problem clearly wasnt going away otherwise).

i really like how you've described him here because i think thats an entirely significant part of his personality. like compare him to the rigidity of his bothers and his cousins, tankhun has learned to be fluid. to adapt and change within each situation mostly in distracting ways that can mask his intentions or the true feelings by hiding behind overly dramatic ones. i truly see that as a survival tactic because he doesnt seem to resort to physical violence or weapons like the others, this is his own kind of weapon if that makes sense. like it feels like when he's having his tantrums as a grown man in wonderful eye catching clothing everyone else around him can't help but feel embarrassed or cringe away from him or in kinn's case become extra patient and indulgent.

i think he learned to be loud like this because once they passed him over as heir everyone completely ignored him and he lost a lot of power and respect that had automatically belonged to him. i think he chooses such incredibly out there clothing because people cant help but see him when he walks into the room. everything about tankhun is an endless struggle in not being forgotten because though i think his family does somewhat understand him they truly havent tried to speak to him on a deep emotional level, havent made the attempt to meet him where his trauma is and thats especially sad. like it seems incredibly obvious to me that he needs help but the culturally accepted ideas around mental health and masculinity make it easier for everyone else to tuck tankhun out of the way instead. and thus make him try so much harder to be noticed.

ah thanks for your question that really made me think!

[vazelbeak]

What's your take on Stella?

Personally I find Stella to be a character that's overall very lackluster. As a saturday morning cartoon esque villian she's not over the top enough to be very entertaining when we see here. As a legitimate portrayal of an abuser in a relationship, I find it rather distasteful and sloppy as Stella is simply implied to have been born a little monster child who didn't even care about her own daughter, thats not to say you must resort to trying to make her sympathetic, however if you intend to portray a very serious issue of abuse, you should be doing your research and understand human components to what makes people abusive. Let alone the idea Stella doesnt care for Octavia reads rather hollow of a point when Stolas didnt want to have Octavia as much as he didnt have a choice.

I almost want to say Stella functioned as funny when she came off as a odd take on the nagging wife trope where she's constantly yelling and fighting with Stolas except its from an angle where theyre both in a relationship equivalent to roomates who've lived together for so long that you'd almost mistake them for a couple, except if you asked them they'd in tandem insist they cant stand each other.

A large problem is the writing not being well planned. We know initially Stella being an abuser was not the planned story because Octavia says they used to be in love and clearly has times she looks back on as when they were happy. Now I can speak as someone who's parents had quite the messy and unpleasant divorce and the problem with this is Octavia is in her teens. When you're still young, its easy to look at moments with rose tinted glasses as when your parents were happy, specifically because we grow up with them in our heads as what a happy relationship looks like, but its usually by your teens when your discovering yourself and learning more about the outside world beyond the circle of your immediate family that we learn to look back on moments of our childhood in a different light. Ill keep it from being too personal, but in my younger years while i didnt understand why my parents fought because I had memories of going to the park with them and seeming happy together, in my teens i thought more about how many times I went to bed hearing them yell and break things downstairs because while I didn't do it often, when I did stay at friends houses their parents never fought or at least nothing like mine. And because of this it reads rather inconsistent Octavia is 17 and somehow yet to have realized in retrospect this was a long ways coming, or be rather uncaring about it due to arranged marriages meaning you'd have many unhappy couples meanwhile everyone on the outside of the Goetia circle looks in with a sort of disbelief because marriage is such a expensive and important thing, some people go their whole lives never marrying their loved ones because they hope to save it that money for their children, but people like the Goetias do it all for status and money. But this is about Stella, not Octavia.

If I had a say, I'm not opposed to the idea Stella and Stolas were in an arranged marriage, I think this would be a tragic root of their problems. I imagine because the reason being that this actually is commonplace in the goetia. It's not for money, but it's been very much a practice going back generations that you marry someone of equal status and standing. It's seen as a garuntee you don't marry someone who is only interested in your money or anything else you provide and it's something planned at a young age because it's your parents job to find someone as soon as possible to avoid being out of options at 17. When Stolas and Stella met, they got along, and were childhood best friends, the problem is as they got older and the weight of marrying started becoming something they could process, they found it something they didn't want. Stella was crying in their early teens because she didn't want to end up unhappy like her parents, and Stolas was the one who reassured her they wouldn't be like that and were gonna be different. He promised no matter what happened they'd try to make it work.

And Stella did try, its just that when she caught Stolas cheating of course she felt a lot of things. Angry, lied to, betrayed. This was the guy who told her they were going to try to make it work, and now he was cheating on her. I think Stella would be compelling if she was someone who because of the timing, feels as though Stolas used her for a child and proceeded to throw her out. And so she very much insists upon and teaches Octavia to never rely on men to provide for her but instead to learn to provide for herself and be independent because to Stella, trusting Stolas is what ruined her life.

Stella is someone who due to her limited understanding of Stolas's actions and Stolas's unwillingness to communicate feels wronged by Stolas but ironically despite the twos anger towards each other (Stolas feeling like Stella is choosing not to understand his situation) they both agreed upon not setting up Octavia for an arranged marriage, they've never looked and refuse any offers. I think they would be these sort of rivals in a way that Octavia feels she's being pulled between but the resolution would be them seeing how upset Octavia is and how she feels ignored by both of her parents who spend more time fighting than with her, and its this moment both of them see their daughter upset at them fighting it's somewhat of a wake up call. They dislike eachother but despite their differences, they love her. And its this moment they both realize how they lost sight of what really mattered during all of this. Both of them got so caught up in their emotions and wanting to get back at eachother they never quite thought of how Octavia must have been feeling.

Stories wise this is when their arguments would tone down and we could shuffle in a new big bad guyTM, with Stella and Stolas's arguments now relatively tame where they have the petty argument but they always make sure Octavia isn't their to know about it and largely are focused on whats best for their daughter. I just think overall Stella would be a better character if she was more human, But right now it seems Vivs primary focus is using her to make the fact Stolas cheated on her actually justified, which unfortunately flattens and removes the nuances both should have to come off human.

[modpoppy]

gonna actually vent about it

its just so hard to describe the feeling of being a corelet post-system collapse. like, i only just found out that theres an explanation for what i am when ive basically been telling myself i must not have counted as a real system since its been years of silence

like first and foremost, i cant.... dissociate anymore? not the way i used to, not in a recognizable way, i think it still happens sometimes, it just feels different and wild and hard to pin down. i also think maladaptive daydreaming has taken up so much of my consciousness im barely aware of anything half the time. but i used to constantly trigger it for myself (mostly because everything just. fucking sucked) and it was a process and it was a way to blip through everything, and now im just... always here, always hearing and seeing and feeling and thinking and thats SO fucking scary???? imagine if you remained aware and conscious every time you slept, even when you didnt dream, you just have to sit there and try not to let your thoughts wander too much. i think its bc i dont have anywhere to go? theres just no SPACE right now, i was able to simply leave consciousness and wait it out as a last resort before, now it feels like im glued straight to the world

i dont know how to express the inherent wrong feeling of always having had a chorus to bitch about things with and suddenly being alone. i think especially since i dont have any friends right now it feels a bit worse, i am literally only ever posting nonsense on here or talking to my sibling (who is at best somewhat insufferable). i cant really comprehend how someone could prefer this, honestly, to each their own but we were an actual dumpster fire before and id still go back to that instead because wed have the chance to TALK

and on that, i loathe the person that came before me and the way things used to work. i have so many memories of the good we shared, the people i miss and the fun interactions, but i also know that we ran this ship basically as toxicly as you can imagine, everything that could have been done wrong it did. this wasnt even our first, or second, or probably third collapse, but i think this ones lasted so much because we got into INCREDIBLY bad places in the last stretch. we were practically non-functional save for the overworked host, who in turn took it out on everyone else for being disruptive and dangerous and picked favorites and broke promises.

so, it sucks knowing im ostensibly based on them, built out of their brain. it sucks that ill be forever tied to the person they were and i cant really say we arent the same. it sucks that ive been saddled with their life choices and if i think too hard about it i dont know where what they decided we want ends and where whatever i am begins. i dont even know if i really am interested in accounting or if thats a residue.

but yeah so im over here like. i dont feel valid talking about system things. i feel deceptive not talking about system things. i want to reminisce but i dont want to talk about the old system. i want to talk about system things but i feel like a poser or something. in theory i know its my business and i dont need to prove anything to anyone but in practice well

evidence is everything in the court of peers

i miss them and i hate them and i accept the existence of anyone now and future and it scares me, that i may stay alone forever, and that i may never know if or how we couldve worked out our differences and settled into a life we could all live. maybe one day. i dont know how or if it can be sooner. i dont know what ill do until then.

[heartelysia]

good kid, maad city

"just to say money tree is the perfect place for shade!" ; youre his stepdaughter, nothing more

cw ; stepcest/puesdo cest, brat taming, modern au, mentioned shui kong (knock me tf up pls), creep toji, perverted behaviour, age gap, mommy/daddy kink, implied semi public sex, breeding/creampie, choking, cheating, p in v, double penetration, implied smut

note ; WHEN I FUCKING POSTED THIS PRIVATELY AND HAD TO COPY EVERYTHING OVER PARAGRAPH BY PARAGRAPH 🤬🤬🤬🤬 me losing ny shit for the 5th time cuz data is expensive but wifi is dogshit SO NOTHING FUCKING SAVES WHEN I WANT IT TOO!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 [m.list]

how fucking pathetic. he said it himself - romance was a scene made for everybody else but him - so how the hell did he find himself trapped in a one-sided marriage? toji knew he was never one to settle down, he jumped from women to women for money and all he had to do was give out medicore sex because nobody gave a shit since he was that attractive.

but when he met a hot as fuck woman who happened to be a filthy rich real estate agent, toji knew he had to pounce onto that opportunity. he did everything he could in his power to get her around his finger, from basic flirting and sex where he actually made an effort to him taking her out on semi-expensive dates with the money he made from previous hookups.

during one eventful evening after their date, the real estate agent mentions a child. toji instantly grimaces, he fucking hated anybody under the age of 14 but when he was shown a photo of his girlfriends kid - he was obsessed. he stayed for you the daughter his gorgeous now-wife had.

sure, his wife was hot and when she mentioned having a kid but he did not expect the kid to be a full blown adult who was fincially stable and fucking stunning. (made him wonder who was the hot stud that knocked your mother up.)

more days than not, toji would be hammering his fat cock into your sobbing mothers pussy, forcing her to take it from behind so he could finally imagine that it was his beautiful stepdaughter taking his cock. he would have to resort to calling his wife by her last name to not accidently have your name slip out. tojis sex drive has been at an all time high when he found out his daughter would have to move back in with him and his wife thanks due to your new workplaces location.

and boy did you pick up on tojis weird behaviour. the lingering touches when he hugged you for the first time? the creepy stares he shoots you as you helps his wife cook? the oddly intimiate comments he makes frequently? the way some of your undergarments would go missing for a period of time just to come back with the smell of frebreeze?

toji was a fucking creep.

a creep that you fucked - regularly. as your mother was the breadwinner of the household, all toji had to do was freeload off of her hardwork. that alone fueled the hatred you had for your sexy stepfather.

how long as it been since you hooked up with your stepfather? about 2 days before your mother broke the news and yet your entire body is still sore like it was the first day. maybe the aching pain wouldve been at the back of your mind if that perverted fuck didnt slap the underside of your already-red ass constantly.

"what the fuck?!", you hiss lowly, shooting a flustered glare at toji, placing your hand on your ass to soothe the pain as he grins ear to ear at your embarrassment. with your face nuzzled into his chest, you couldnt do much beside whine and shoot glares at the man whilst his hand wandered lower and lower.

he rakes his thick, calloused hand all over your body, like he was attempting to carve the image of you into his mind. you shudder in his grasp, softly whining under your breath as your cheeks slowly become flush. "quit it creep! m..mom can come back from work at anytime!"

"trust me princess, shes busy selling houses with the new intern... suguru was it? shes with him.", toji scoffs, his eyebrow twitching at the mention of his cheating wife. he quickly brushes the negative emotion aside before he looks back down at his daughter, gently patting your cheeks as his thumb grazed your slightly chapped lips. "fuck, i shouldve just went for you when i had the chance doll."

you scoff. "youre unbelievable.", a pathetic whine bubbles in your throat as tojis hand crawls down and cups your cunt.

"oh please sweetheart. you should start browsing porn sites in incognito. whats with the 'stepdad pounds his daughter' hm?", he speaks in a condensending tone, his thick fingers spreading your pussy lips open as his other hand comes up to forcefully part your glossy lips.

toji spits into your mouth, grinning evilly at the dumbfounded expression on your face as he pats your chin, signalling for you to swallow. "maybe daddy should get mr kong for you baby.", he slyly suggests whilst hooking his muscular arms underneath your plush thighs, pushing your back up againdt the wall as his pelvis made contact with your messy panties. "you would like that wouldnt you? sandwiched between me and mr kong.", toji sneers, a wicked grin growing on his lips at your widened eyes and flushed cheeks.

you shake your head furiously at the perverted but true accusatsaion. cheeks blossoming into a bright tomato red as your head runs around in circles with the idea of shui kong and your stepfather.

toji laughs. playfully tapping your ass before ripping a hole in your pajamas where your crotch was. your eyes bulged out of your head as you watched the fabric drop to the floor, your stepfathers cocky smirk growing. "panty-less?"

a shaky scoff makes it past your lips. "im staying home, i wasnt planning on going out perv."

your stepfather shrugs, pushing your back against the wall with one hand as he pulls his sweats down along with his boxers, his aching cock dripping with precum, his mushroom tip slapping his abdomen whilst it throbbed with need. you bite back a needy whine, you couldve swore you felt your cunt tremble and leak at the sight of tojis vein pulsating.

when the sunlight decides to beam through the open window of the living room, your eyes go wide as you whip your head to the window. you smack tojis arm, "toji! the curtains, just- just go to my room.", you huff, gazing at toji yet somehow that gaze always landed back onto his angry cock.

toji seemed to not care, a small disgruntled hum was his answer. you smack his arm again to express your worry, he just shoots you a small glare, "dont care, anyone can watch as i pound your pussy.", he growls, spitting onto your cunt as he rubs his saliva all over your lips. you hissed at him in embarrassment, digging your nails into his skin.

god please give him a punishment worse than death.

with your beloved mother out of the city for a long weekend at a friends wedding - toji seized the chance. you remember how damn disgruntled you were, a resting bitch face for the entire time you were with your friends after you recieved the news of her departure.

against your better judgement to rent a hotel for 3 days, you listened to your mothers pleads with an irritated sigh. thats most likely why you ended up in this predicatment.

with your eyes glued to your balled up hands in your lap, your stepfather across from you and having the waiter eyeing you up and down. every passing moment seemed to irk you more and more, occasionally looking up from your lap to take an awkward sip out of your overpriced drink toji paid for.

your hand wraps around the fancy glass body of your drink to angle the straw better between your glossy lips - a small habit that you constantly did, never going unnoticed by your stepfather. tojis casual small talk with the waiter never faltered, the same man constantly coming back and forth with random desserts ordered and a side of nonstop chatter.

you wouldve blanked out as per usual if it wasnt for tojis calloused hand tapping rhythmically on the back of yours, your brows furrow slightly at the action. your coloured irises meet his, lips threatening to tug into a frown at the sight of his sultry gaze whilst praising you to the waiter who seemed somewhat uncomfortable.

"shes a shy one.", his hearty chuckle makes your blood boil as the waiter merely laughs and places down the parfait before leaving. toji turns his attention back to your unmasked agitation as a smirk tugs at his thin lip, "whats wrong kiddo?", that fucking tone - the fucking cockiness of it was so damn irritating.

"what do you think huh?", you snap back in a hushed tone to avoid any unwanted attention. you dig your nails into your palm as your hands balled up into a fist, brows furrowing in disdain. "calling me your girlfriend? are you sick?"

"dont act like your any better babe.", toji dismissively waves you off, the smirk growing as he grabs the single spoon off the plate the desert was seated on before picking up a portion of the sickening sweet parfait and placing it in front of your frowning lip. "eat up brat. dont wanna tell mommy that her sweet daughter developed an eating disorder because of daddy."

you grimace at his words - toji refering to himself as daddy wouldve made you gag if your thighs didnt tense up. "youre disgusting", you spat venomously.

that seriously pissed him off, does he have any idea why? no.

"im fucking tired-", toji begins, his voice an octave lower than usual as he growls at you, squeezing the silicone bottle full of lube onto your sore ass, "- so goddamn fed up with this bratty attitude of yours.". there you felt his thick calloused fingers scoop up some lube and tease you puckered asshole, causing your entire body to jolt.

"f-fuuuck!", you squealed, whining and panting as you felt his finger penetrate your asshole. toji smirks and softly chuckles when he catches your flustered glare directed at him. "i fuck...ing hate ah- you.."

another pathetic yelp is ripped from your throat as you felt your ass ache with another one of tojis hard spanks. "thats no way to talk to your father.", he coldly says, landing another harsh spank onto your ass.

you shiver in his lap, whining like a child. "'m sorry- pl-please... please 'm sorry..", you hic, tears leaving marks on your cheeks as you bit your lip.

your mind was a mess, losing count of the amount of times your body physically pleaded and yearned for your stepfathers cock to penetrate you. "j...just fuck me al- already!", you weakly beg.

toji merely smirks at your pathetic whining, grinning widely when your body shudders and your head whips around at the feeling of silicone rubbing up against your weeping cunny. "i wont fuck you, maybe this'll do the job.", he lowly says, gathering nearby lube dribbling down the curve of you ass on the dildo. slowly, he pushes the fake cock into your trembling asshole.

you body shakes and drops down at the foreign invasion, the sound of your breathy gasps and choked sobs echo in the room as the black dildo - a splitting image of tojis aching cock - inches deeper into your asshole, carving itself against the walls of your trembling hole. the fake cock slammed against your prostate again and again, making you squirm in pleasure despite yourself and your proclaimed hatred for your stepfather. every time you tried to break free from his grasp or cry out in pain, he only held you tighter, determined to teach you a lesson about giving him any attitude.

toji groans loudly as he sees your sopping cunt leak with your juices, the pleasure coursing through his veins making him even more aroused. he grasps your hips firmly and began moving his hand faster, slamming into you harder with each stroke of the dildo. "thats it baby girl," he growled lowly into your ear, "take it all."

toji removed his bruising grip from the soft flesh of your hip, his hand now traveling southward to tease your sensitive bud between your legs, rubbing circles around it gently before dipping two fingers inside you and exploring your soaked cunt. you couldnt help but shudder under his touch as he played with your most intimate spot, whimpering quietly each time his calloused thumb grazed your sensitive clit.

without a hitch of your shortened breaths, toji flips you onto the mattress, the previous area of the sheets you were nipping on was soaked in salvia. an airy gasps passes your lip as you feel him pick your hips up till your thighs touch his pelvis. toji doesnt stop rubbing circles on your sensitive clit, sending electrifying shots of pleasure all over your body.

your back arches at the dildo bottoming out in your tight ass and tojis ministrations, your jaw goes slack as your thighs tensed up, your body expressing the overwhelming estacsy you were experiencing. at your pleasure, toji speeds up his actions, pumping the silicone dick into your aching asshole quicker than before. your eyes are blown wide as your hands fly down to wrap themselves around tojis thick wrist, "s-slow do- ngh?! -wn!"

your stepdad sneers wickedly, raking his eyes all over your face, smirking at the sight of your shocked expression with drool making its way down your neck. ignoring your pleas for mercy, toji continues pounding your ass vigorously with the dildo while simultaneously rubbing his rock-hard cock against your swollen opening, taunting you with its size compared to the toy stuffed inside you. "you could imagine this dildo stuffing you full is mr kong," he teased into your ear.

you weakly sobbed, salty tears dripping between your glossy lips. you were to fucking worked up to care, you just wanted - needed - toji to fill up your empty cunt. "please... please- give... give me your- ah! your cock!"

a broad grin spread across tojis face as he heard your desperate plea. without warning, he pushed the dildo deeper into you - reaching places you never knew it could - he kneels down behind you on the soft memory foam mattress, positioning himself at your dripping pussy. "as you wish brat," he muttered before pushing his thick cock into your tight ring of muscle.

there was pain mixed with pleasure as he slowly pushed himself inside you, stretching your little cunny wider and wider until he was fully seated within you. once his fat cock was buried to the hilt inside of you, he begins pumping his hips forcefully, slamming his throbbing cock in and out of your weeping cunt mercilessly.

he began hammering into you ruthlessly, using his strength to push deeper into your tender walls with each powerful stroke. every time he bottomed out inside your gummy walls, he would pause for a moment before pulling almost entirely out before slamming back in again, hitting those sweet spots inside you again and again until you were a sobbing mess that couldnt form coherent words.

toji smirked cruelly as he felt your braindead babbling escalate. he leaned down and captured your lips in a bruising kiss, tongue forcing its way past your lips as he dominated your mouth. his hips picked up speed, hammering into you harder and faster as he ground his pelvis against your ass cheeks mercilessly, earning guttural grunts from his scarred lip.

groaning deeply, he grabbed hold of your hips and started moving faster, slamming into you relentlessly. each thrust sent shockwaves of pleasure coursing through both bodies while causing skin-on-skin slapping noises echoing throughout the small space. the scent of sweat and sex filled the air as tojis teeth nips down on your neck, receiving a strained yelp from between you choked sobs and moans.

the man lets out a few grunts, huffing as he pushes your head down into the sheets, his other hand smoothly thrusting the dildo into every crevice to make sure he grazes every inch of your asshole. "so pretty- ugh fuuuck.. so pretty for me-!", toji hisses between gritted teeth as he feels your dripping pussy tighten around his cock like it was trying to milk him dry.

"good girl," he growls, his voice deep and rough as he continues to thrust into you without mercy. each time he hits your cervix, a moan escapes your lips as you writhe beneath him. his grip on your hips tightens, and he begins to pinch and bite your sensitive flesh, leaving small marks on your skin.

with a devious smile, toji slaps your ass hard enough to sting before pulling out of you suddenly, only to slam back in again with renewed fervor. shrill moans and desperate sobs escape your lips as you grip the sheets hard enough for them to turn white.

toji growls in sick satisfaction as he hears your strained cries, his urge to cum growing stronger with each passing second. he picks up the pace, slamming into you harder and faster with each thrust, determined to give you what you want - and more. he slaps your sore ass again, leaving a stinging sensation that only serves to heighten the pleasure coursing through your body.

"fuuuck!", toji growls, thrusting his hips further up into your warm cunt, relishing in your wet gummy walls taking on his exact shape. "ugh- gonna.. breed this pretty pussy and make you a m-mommy..!", he hisses, drilling his cock into you as his other hand works on slamming the fake silicone penis in and out of your ass.

the pain mixes with the pleasure, sending shockwaves of excitement coursing through your body. your walls begin to tighten around his cock, begging for release as you feel yourself getting closer to orgasm. you look up at him pleadingly, silently asking for permission to cum.

you sob loudly against the sheets, your teeth grinding the thin sheet between them as the knot in your tummy grows unbearable. drool makes it down your chin at the duel pleasure whilst your back arches deeper at tojis fingertips pushing you down. "'m gonn- gonna cum!", you squeal out, streaks of pale red staining your cheek.

a thick chuckle echoes in your ears, "mommys gonna cum?". you nod furiously, drool making its way down your chin and onto the bitten sheets. your cheek rubs against the damp sheets, "mommys gonna get bred by me 'kay?", toji softly says, the shit eating grin on his lips growing each time you mumbled out incoherent sentences.

fuck. you really, really wanted to slap that smug look off his face, maybe when you werent getting fucked dumb on his fat cock and the identical silicone cock. more drool drips down onto the sheets as your thighs begin to tremble, "ah- go.. gonna cuhm-! s- si...", thoughtless babbles come out your lips alongside the aching knot in your lower tummy threatening to explode.

even with a sore clit that was hardly stimulated, your orgasm inched closer and closer from the raw ecstasy the duel pleasure both cocks brought you. with your climax nearing, you began to grow restless, your desperate moans and pleads fill the air alongside the sound of skin slapping against skin. hearing you cry out in ecstasy drove him even wilder, pushing him over the edge.

ending with a guttural growl, he pumps your gummy insides with thick splurts of his hot cum, filling you up to the brim till you swore your stomach bulged. his thrusts became harder, faster as he was determined unloaded everything he had in his fat, heavy balls.

sighing, toji slowly pulls his creamy cock out of you tight hole, pulling out the silicone dildo out of you ass at the same time. he takes a moment to catch his breath before staring down at you, admiring the mess you both made. looking down at your cum-filled, swollen pussy and asshole, he smiled proudly at the sight of his semen coating your insides. "perfect," he murmured softly into your ear before leaning in for another deep kiss.

[sonny-whorezik]

what really sucks is i wanted to hold out . i understood the situation and i knew they were struggling and i tried to let them know i was here as best i could long distance with minimal contact . but it had felt so Bad just getting maybe Maybe 15 - 20 texts a day it seemed with hours in between the majority while all i know here in colorado are couples who live together and call every day . i would just keep taking myself on errands , to coffee shops , bookstores , parks , ive felt like ive been dating myself towards the end because they just did not have the time for me and i understand why and i was willing to wait for it to pass and just be there for them if they needed me . but it has been hard . i even wrote in my list notebook that by jan 10 if it keeps going on to say something and if the behavior stays the same january 20th then i would be the one to break up for the sake of both of us . i was willing to do this another month and keep giving it a chance

typing all this out does help a bit , just moments ago i was sobbing in my car ; i still have 45 minutes of my break and when this post is over i will likely sob again . i just . idk . i feel like i tried all i could but i keep thinking i couldve somehow done more . like move back to where they live , or create things for them , mail letters again , say good morning instead of replying to last night's message and not hearing back until almost 4pm when my day is halfway over and theirs is just beginning . i wish i told them i love them more

they got nervous when i didnt acknowledge they were excited to see me in february because i was distracted christmas day dealing with my bank i should have told them how much i look forward to it , how it is what keeps me trying to be productive : seeing them in the future . i just had to hold out til february until i felt i couldnt , then it became january 20th as a last resort because i didnt know what to do anymore . i didnt know who they wanted me to be for them, how to be engaged when all they talked about was how hard it all is and how tired they are while i couldnt do a single thing it seemed but text , what could i do almost a thousand miles away ? im sorry i keep posting these i dont know what to do with these feelings and thoughts but purge them and have them acknowledged , whether or not someone reaches out which i dont really want , i think i just want to be heard . i cant tell my roommates due to our unorthodox situation i dont want to hear anything bad said about them from their ex , i dont care what he feels towards them or how he's never been supportive but still has been in my life knowing how involved they have been for my entire adult life . theyre not a bad person , ive never thought of them as abusive or toxic or bad or selfish or all these things people have told me to think when i just wanted to vent and be heard , not hear that they think we're incompatible . and i guess we are incompatible or else this wouldnt be happening . ive told myself this is just a situational issue and not The Relationship but maybe i have been wrong

i dont want that to be the truth . i swear it was just circumstantial , that it just got a little extra hard for a little while but we could get through it and they would know throughout this i would be there for them . i wanted to get them a promise ring while theyve been going through recovery just to give them something to remind them im there for them until the end , however that looks . i will never get the chance to do that for them now , it's too late and i am left just in horror it feels like . im so scared . im So , so scared of everything but ive always had them , now i do not and i know im capable of living without them , but why ? why do i have to do that now ? what could i have done different ? i just feel so , so sorry i couldnt be a better partner and i know they said its not my fault it's just where they are in life , but they didnt seem as sure as i feel about reuniting down the road after we work on ourselves. i just want to throw up but i havent eaten in 24 hours i dont feel hunger or anything but absence and anxiety . cant even listen to tmbg anymore everything i love reminds me of them and theyre not here anymore

[cheetahf]

I posted 2,684 times in 2022

That's 2,495 more posts than 2021!

160 posts created (6%)

2,524 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@thinkingaboutctommy

@beckyblah

@ranboolivesaysstuff

@420technoblazeit

@hiraethminds

I tagged 435 of my posts in 2022

#tommyinnit - 83 posts

#dream smp - 80 posts

#c!tommy - 79 posts

#dsmp - 43 posts

#liveblogging - 19 posts

#art - 19 posts

#tommyinnit mcyt - 17 posts

#digital art - 17 posts

#tommyinnit fanart - 15 posts

#mcyt - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and feeling betrayed when he is wronged so many times by people he trusts. what do you do about that how do you handle something like that.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

WHATT?!??! RANBOO GOT ELIMINATED AND PICKED LOVE BC HE DIDNT WANT TO STREAM?!?!! WTF IS THIS STREAM

313 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#4

C!tommy being so willing to let his life end after the discs were burned, broke me. This kid had lost all of his attachments throughout everything but he always had the discs to keep him going even when he didn’t physically have them. He lost his brother figure, his happiness, his motivation to go on, and now the only thing that kept him throughout all of this, the discs. He only has c!tubbo and cannot afford to live without him. He is willing to let himself be disintegrated, exploded, killed, just so tubbo and the of the SMP could LIVE to truely LIVE without fear of c!Dream or ANYONE else having god like powers.

That moment where c!tommy and c!tubbo sat on the bench and ctommy says, “There is no music left to play.” Made me break down. That would be his last sunset, his final day before his death day. He knew this and still carried on with the plans for the next day because he has nothing left in this world.

449 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

#3

Ok but high key new hunter design gives me so much gender envy like jduueuehdbejwhshs he is just a boy

600 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#2

The fact that ctommy has a sort of addiction to invis potions because not being there made him feel truely happy for the first time since L’manberg is so sad. He resorted to drugs as a coping mechanism just is so telling of how he thinks he can’t be fixed. Him being happy because of drugs it’s heartbreaking. He wanted to be out of the spotlight, away from people because he believes he’s the problem. He hates himself so much and goes to the last resort so he could finally feel something.

626 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

WHY DOES DREAM LOOK LIKE YASIFFIED SHANE DAWSON?!?!??

1,293 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[renytherat]

ok but consider this too: soap with an auditory processing disorder. sometimes he cant tell the difference between someone's thinking and someone saying something. (sometimes I say things out loud that I didn't know I did or I meant to say something but only thought it. also sometimes I think one thing and say a different thing) (ex. "if you used the cool light you could put light on your face and the colours would come out much better" i meant to say makeup to my sister instead of light again).

so what does he do? he looks at people's lips to see if they're talking out loud. wouldn't want to "ignore" your co right? that would be insubordination. so when he's transferred to 141 and he finds out his co is The Ghost: shitfuckshitfuckshitfuck

he tries his best to pay attention bc the only tell he usually gets is ghost's jaw moving but then again he could just be grinding his teeth trying to get rid of the intrusive thought and tamping down that part of his brain.

this forces soap to only be around ghost when someone else is there. if gaz answers or replies to ghost then he spoke out loud, soap can reply too. but this makes simon think johnny doesn't like him. which whatever, he could care less (this is a lie).

soap also makes a lot of eye contact with ghost bc instead of reading his lips he resorts to reading emotions. this is very difficult in and of itself (especially when simons only emotions when he looks at johnny after getting to know him and work with him are literal heart eyes).

soap gets the hang of it after a while, he builds a rapport with simon (simon, simon, simon. he could say that name all day) he learns his quirks and tells. he's pretty sure when simon furrows his brow and his jaw twitches left, it was an intrusive thought. when his eyes are lighter and there's a definite crinkle of a crows foot, it would be out loud. plus the context of the phrases themselves.

in the beginning soap didnt know anything but the rumours and meeting ghost hearing "slit his throat, lick the blood off the knife" was quite anxiety-inducing. but once he got to know the man behind the mask, it became much much easier to tell the difference.

How does ghost find out he can read minds? when johnny omitted it from his papers bc he wasn't born this way like others, he was a science experiment? price knows. soap told him. but ghost? soap's scared of what he might think of him. of what he'll do when he finds out johnny has heard everything simon has ever thought good and bad.

it could be in the mess hall where soap finds the courage to say smth abt intrusive thoughts. Or, in the field.

ghost who works alone a lot. ghost who butts heads with other soldiers bc his ways are unconventional but they get the job done sometimes with less casualties and destruction. ghost who curses out useless orders, going against them to save the civilian instead of saying 1 life lost to save a 1000.

ghost who doesnt have time to explain his way of thinking in the field and soap who seemingly blindly trusts this man. ghost is at first astounded, but he brushes it off bc "I'm his co, he has to follow my orders" ghost thinking soap is a little crazy anyways.

ghost who finds out when soap does talk back telling him he has a better idea when ghost never said anything out loud. ghost who doesnt mention it until theyre back at base and alone somewhere.

or

ghost who finds out bc theyve been captured together

An AU where there's a certain percentage of people that can read minds as an innate ability

Soap who, before joining the 141, got captured and experimented on to be given this ability. And now the world is always too loud.

Ghost, either through trauma, or (my personal opinion) didn't like the idea of people reading his thoughts so he came up with a system to clear his mind, like pouring steaming over a wooden box, or a gallon on white paint into an overflowing bucket of white paint, so it just covers everything.

Soap who, when he meets Ghost, hears absolutely nothing from him. And he starts to hang around the man more and more, to seek refuge in his mind from the noise of everything else

Alternatively

Imagine Ghost who has very extreme intrusive thoughts like all the time, and that both scares and intrigues Soap.

Like the first time they met Ghost's mind flashed to an image of him stanning soap up the gut and shooting him in the head, but it was gone just a fast as it came.

Or sometimes he imagines going awol, betraying Price, and running away to some unknown country in the middle east

Or he sees Gaz out of the corner of his eye and his brain tells him 'what if you just broke his face, and dislocated his arm' then he has the shake the thought away with an annoyed mental huff

Soap's never met anyone with such violent intrusive thoughts, and sure it's off putting, but it's just as fascinating. With the way Ghost looks at him and accidentally imagines smashing his head in, he's 100% sure he knows soap knows. But oddly enough they never talk about it.

The plus side to this is, Ghost has never worked with anyone better than soap. Everyone else either doesn't have the ability to read Ghost like soap does, or they're too afraid of Ghost's thoughts to work with him. Soap on the otherhand doesn't seem to have that problem for some reason.