#reminding myself that people can read my tags so I can’t just say everything in my brain currently

[gayabeilles]

my house is STINKY send post

[marvelouslizzie]

Like Someone I Know

summary: You decide to take a break from studying and go to a masked party but your casual hookup turns out to be your biggest rival, Bucky Barnes.

pairing: College!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

warnings: 18+, academic rivals, alcohol consumption, hidden identities, hookup, boob worship, semi-public sex, pet names, oral sex (female receiving), protected sex, dirty talk, praise kink, no mention of y/n.

word count: 2.4K

A/N: @notafunkiller gave me "I don't care if they're gonna see it. I'm not giving them back." and academic rivals as prompt and now here we are… I hope you enjoy this random story. Thanking Andreea also for the editing and for the name suggestion. She’s the best!

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.

Keep reading tag starts after the second paragraph of the story.

This isn’t like you. You don’t find people attractive this easily, let alone hook up with them at a party, right after meeting them. It feels surreal… like you are having some kind of a fever dream. Maybe it’s because of the alcohol you consumed, but you don’t feel tipsy. So maybe not.

His hands roam on your body, hungrily discovering every inch. His lips are relentless, sucking and licking. It feels so damn good and it’s just so hard to resist. You deserve to let go sometimes. You work so hard, right? It’s okay to hook up with a handsome stranger. Well, you aren’t sure about the handsome part. Not when half of his face is covered by some kind of mask, but his piercing blue eyes tell you he might be the most handsome man you have ever seen. They also seem familiar somehow and you don’t know how that’s possible.

He stops kissing you, while his hands are still on your hips. He looks you in the eye, and it makes you shiver. You finally realize why he feels so familiar and it makes you uncomfortable. Those blue eyes… They remind you of Bucky Barnes. Why on earth would you find someone attractive because they look like him?

“Is everything alright?”

Even his voice… It sounds kinda like him. Not completely though. Bucky’s voice is usually harsher. He sounds like he’s trying to poison you with words. Especially when he makes fun of you after getting a better grade. God, you hate him so much.

“Yeah, yeah.” Your answer sounds so absent and not convincing at all.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I just realized you look like someone I know.”

“Oh, darling…” God, the way he smiles! There’s no way this man can be ugly. That smile punches you in your stomach. “There’s no way you know me.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I would remember a beauty like you.”

That makes you laugh. It sounds so cheesy. Plus he can’t even see half of your face. How could he even remember you?

“I mean it.” 

“I’m sure you used that line on girls before.” 

“I can’t say…” He stops for a second, trying to find the right words. “I do this often.”

“You mean hooking up with strangers at a party?”

“No.” His answer confuses you for a second. “Hooking up at all.”

Oh, that can’t be true. Those blue eyes can convince anyone to do anything. Maybe he’s just trying to make you feel special, and truth be told, it doesn’t matter. You don’t know him. 

“Why is that?”

His hands caress your hips gently. “Usually… I don’t let myself get distracted.”

“Sorry for distracting you, then.” 

Your playful answer makes him smile. He starts kissing your neck. His hands move on your ass, kneading while he keeps on kissing you. His lips move closer and closer to your cleavage. You know this is your last chance to say anything if you don’t wanna go further, but you can’t find the strength in yourself to stop him. His lips are soft and wet on your skin. Every kiss he lays on your skin makes you want more. You don’t know if you can stop him. 

Suddenly he grabs your tits, pushing them together while he buries his head between them. It makes you gasp, and he inhales your scent like he can’t get enough of it. 

“I want them in my mouth.”

He looks up, his eyes pleading for your consent.

“Can I?”

“Someone might come in any time.” You don’t wanna get caught like that. “They might see us.”

"I don't care if they're gonna see it. I'm not giving them back." His response makes you smile. He sounds so desperate while still holding your tits. And like it isn’t enough, he starts to beg. “Please… Can I?”

“Yeah, yeah.” You sound breathy, just because of the anticipation. You just want to enjoy this moment, not thinking about anything else.

He pushes down the straps. He doesn’t even bother unclasping your bra. He just frees your tits and starts sucking on your nipple. Your head is thrown back with sudden pleasure. His tongue dances around your nipple, making you squirm.

“God, you are so delicious.” 

He switches to your other nipple. He licks, bites, and sucks while you try to keep your voice down. It’s not easy. A couple of moans slip away. You are just glad this is a party and the music is loud enough to conceal any sound you make.

Suddenly he lets go of your nipple. The wet pop makes you bite your lip. 

“I really need to taste you.” You give him a confused look. Isn’t he already doing that? “Down there.” He quickly adds.

You don’t know what to say. You expected a quick fuck at best, that’s what the girls told you. Don’t have high expectations for hookups. They end pretty quickly and you might end up unsatisfied. But he’s proving you wrong every step of the way.

He keeps looking at you with a glow. God, his eyes are so freaking beautiful! Even if you didn’t want that, it would be so hard to say no. You finally nod, giving him permission.

“Thank you.” He quickly gets on his knees and hikes up your dress. 

He starts to kiss your thighs, then he brings his nose onto your clothed pussy and just inhales.

“You smell so freaking good, d-darling.”

The praise makes you shiver. Not just because you aren’t used to it, but he also sounds so much like Bucky when he says darling. He calls you doll in a way that makes you feel degraded. Like you’re nothing more than a beautiful doll. No brains. No talent. Just there to look pretty. But this time… It doesn’t make you feel small. It makes you feel like a goddess.

Your shivering doesn’t go unnoticed, though. He smiles like a devil, looking into your eyes. Then he grabs your underwear and just pushes it down. You feel unbelievably exposed. Your breasts are sticking out of your dress while your pussy is right in front of him. But the hunger on his face makes you feel better.

“Such a pretty pussy.” He licks his lips before diving in. He grabs one of your legs and hikes it up on his shoulder, creating more space for himself to work. 

He starts you eat you eagerly. His tongue moves smoothly between your folds and he sets a pace that makes it harder to shut your mouth. His tongue discovers every inch of you. Then suddenly he switches on sucking your clit, making you moan loudly.

“Jesus fucking christ!”

You feel him smile as he stops sucking for a second. His hands reach for your hips, steadying you while he goes back to sucking your clit. Once again your head is thrown back. You try to steady your breathing, but it doesn’t work. Your orgasm comes crashing in.

“Fuckk! I’m coming!” You don’t realize how loud you say it. You don’t realize how harshly you grab his hair and make him moan against your clit. Yet he doesn’t stop. Not until your shaking calms down.

The moment he’s sure you rode out every last bit of your orgasm, he moves away from you. When he looks up, he realizes your mask moved a little bit. Just enough to make him recognize who you are. His eyes are wide open, but you don’t notice any of it. You are still breathing heavily, trying to collect yourself.

He suddenly stands up and places his hands on the wall, caging you in. He looks like he wants to say something, but he can’t find the words. You assume it’s because of his unmet needs. So instead of questioning him, you move your hands to his pants. He watches you unbuckling and unzipping him. Then you look back at his face, silently asking for permission, and he nods.

You get rid of his pants and boxers with his help before he grabs his cock like he’s getting ready. Your words, though, stop him.

“We are not doing this without a condom.”

You don’t know what you expected, but you didn’t expect him to smile.

“Smart girl.”

The way he says that turns you on even more. The only problem is that he starts to sound more and more like Bucky. While you are trying to push away the thought of your biggest rival, he takes his wallet out and finds a condom.

“You don’t do this often, but you have a condom in your wallet.” You can’t help but point out.

“Every guy has one in their wallet. Just in case…” He responds while putting on the condom. “Doesn’t mean we think we’ll get lucky.”

“Well, you are certainly getting lucky tonight.”

“Oh, don’t I know it?”

He suddenly lifts you up against the wall. It’s so unexpected, yet it makes your blood rush. His lips find yours once again, but this time, it feels different. You don’t know what changed. You can’t put your finger on it. It was already passionate, hungry, and curious before, but this time… It’s just on another level. 

“Ready?” You know what he’s asking about.

“Yeah.” You find yourself nodding and he smiles.

“That eager, huh?” His voice is deep and full of impatience, but also some kind of belittlement. God, that Bucky really messed up with your head. 

He doesn’t wait for your answer. He gently pushes himself inside you, and you can’t help but moan out loud. A part of you feels embarrassed that you can’t seem to shut your mouth. You’re not used to this. It makes you feel exposed.

“Yes!” He sounds like he accomplished the most important thing in the world. “Don’t hold back those pretty sounds.”

You don’t know what to say, all you can focus on is the way his words make you wetter and wetter. You feel like you are discovering a part of you that you didn’t know existed. Maybe all you need is to hear how good you are doing. Is it why you are working this hard to get the best grades possible?

He doesn’t let you question more about yourself when he finally starts to move. It feels so overwhelming that you forget about anything else.

“Oh god…” He moans right next to your ear as his fingers are gripping on your skin. “You are so wet, doll.” You freeze. What did he just say?

“Bucky?”

Your heart starts to race faster than before. You don’t know what you are feeling. Shock, fear, excitement… This might be your worst nightmare. Or your biggest dream. 

“I swear to god,” he starts to talk with haste, trying to explain himself before you get the wrong idea. “I didn’t know it was you. You have to believe me.” The fear in his voice is so audible. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him fearing something like this before. “After your first orgasm,your mask slipped a little.”

You suddenly feel relief washing over you. You felt so dumb for a second, thinking he might have tricked you. Knowing he’s afraid just like you helps a lot. He didn’t plan this. Maybe it's just a twist of fate. You reach for his mask and take it off without saying anything. There’s no need for it anymore. He smiles in response. You can see he wants to do the same, but he’s still carrying you, so you take off your own mask, too

 He looks into your eyes, trying to see if you are still okay with this. 

“Come on, big guy, move!”

His devilish grin returns. He bounces you on his arms, securing your position, and then starts to move again. His lips find yours, and you moan into his mouth. You can’t believe you are actually having sex with Bucky Barnes. You have had a couple of wet dreams about him, but you never thought it would turn into reality. You never thought he would be into you. He starts to lose control and move faster than before. 

“Oh shit!” You feel like you might come soon. “Faster. Please!”

“So needy.” He grips on your ass. You don’t know why but his words rub you the wrong way.

“Don’t belittle me.” You snap back, and it makes him stop. You frown, thinking he’s gonna get you off and leave you unsatisfied.

“I never belittle you.” He’s looking into your eyes. “I never meant to belittle you.”

“You are not?” You always thought he was. You thought he was trying to put you down, demotivate you. Even if he was saying something nice.

“Never, doll. You are the smartest person I have ever met.”

You never heard him say this before. Maybe he just didn’t want to admit it back then. 

“You’re not so bad yourself.”

“And the prettiest girl.” 

You crash your lips onto his, kissing him like you can’t survive without it. You had no idea how much you wanted to hear something like this coming from him. He moans into your mouth while he starts to move again.

“I don’t think-” He sounds so pained. “I can- hold back any longer.”

You’re not so far away from reaching your climax. All you need is him moving just a bit harder, then you might be able to come with him.

“Please, come with me!” You don’t care how desperate it sounds. “I just need it a little harder.”

That breaks his defense. He starts to move so fast that it takes your breath away. After a couple of thrusts, your body starts to shake uncontrollably.

“Bucky!” You can’t stay silent. “I’m- coming.”

“Come for me, doll. Make a mess.” His thrusts grow sloppier. You can see he’s losing control because of you. “So fucking pretty. Can’t believe I get to see you like this.” You are sure his grip on your ass will leave some bruises, but you don’t care. It feels so good. He makes you feel so good. “Oh fuck!” 

He looks so pretty while he’s coming. The way he moans… The way his eyes flutter with each thrust… You watch every detail while coming yourself, wanting to memorize it. 

Then he opens his eyes. His pretty blue eyes shine in a way that feels warm, cozy, and downright giddy.

“I can’t believe we really did that.” He’s still holding you. You wonder how that is even possible. You always thought he looked strong, but this is on another level.

“Now tell me,” You sound confident and satisfied. “For how long did you want to do that?”

He chuckles in a way that makes you feel needy all over again.

“Oh, you have no idea.” 

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes. Please look at tags and warnings on ao3 before reading.

Natsume Yuujinchou

the smallest things by taizi

In which Takashi comes into the Fujiwaras' lives much earlier on.

Untamed

Nice work if you can get it by deliciousblizzardshark (+ podfic)

(In order to make Wei Wuxian feel welcome at the Cloud Recesses, and to make sure people give him the respect he deserves (and definitely not to get into his pants), Lan Wangji hires him to be his advisor.)

“Lan Zhan, did you hire me just so you could punish people for disrespecting me?”

“No,” Lan Wangji said. “It is a side benefit.”

“Why did you hire me?”

“Because you are knowledgeable and skilled,” Lan Wangji said, “and I trust you to assist me in my work.”

Because everything is easier with you around and because I feel like a part of me is missing without you and because you can say things I can’t and because I need you he did not say.

“And you secretly like being a bitch to people,” Wei Wuxian added, with a sly grin.

Clone Wars

The Past Remains by otherhawk

The war drags on leaving trauma and destruction in its wake. After a bereaved Master is accused of harming his padawan, Obi-Wan is sent to talk to her, dredging up memories of his own past.

Betting by Proxy by kotekenobii

Newly transferred to the 212th Attack Battalion, Proxy finds himself cornered and given a secret mission by none other than THE Marshal Commander Cody.

Hic Sunt Lodices by handdrawnisopach, SniperAnon (The_Big_Reveal)

"..... Why do you live in a cave?"

Obi-Wan smiles, careful not to show his sharp teeth. "It's peaceful up here. The long climb means most people don't bother me, and no one might try to take my things. Also, maintaining a cave gives me plenty of space for my research without the expense and fuss of maintaining an estate."

He pulls out one of the large cushions so he can sit comfortably across from Cody. "I research magic," he explains. "Can't do it myself, but I have a good line in alchemy, chemistry, and pharmacy. I enjoy studying the more theoretical aspects too. So time and peace to do my reading and writing are important to me."

Cody nods slowly, his eyes sharper, more alert as he scans over the lair and the eclectic collection of items. Then his golden brown eyes drift to Obi-Wan. "Are you a dragon?" He asks, voice rough from exhaustion.

"Ah." Obi-Wan grips the hem of his skirt. "A bit? A bit dragony. Yes. That's fair."

Learned Men by Trixree

It becomes the Question—the one every vod is talking about from the bridge of the Negotiator to her dark bowels where the laundry rooms churn and chug along: who takes care of the General?

--

In which Obi-Wan is touch starved and his men take notice.

DC

Trust fall by Ididloveyou_once

'Drake?’

Tim felt like he was choking. His throat was tight. He couldn’t swallow.

‘Damian?’ He managed.

Damian was… here. At Kent Farm. Dressed in the too-big Batman pajamas that Dick had bought him last Christmas as a joke. And- And-

Tim was wearing Kon’s t-shirt and his hair was messy and his lips were swollen and- He wasn’t ready for this- He wasn’t- He couldn’t-

How had he been so stupid?

Or: Tim comes out to Damian and prepares for the entire family to know by morning. It just so happens that Damian can keep a secret. Multiple, actually.

Wedding Album by Ididloveyou_once

'Let’s elope,’ Tim said, a little desperation leaking into his voice, ‘we could be on our way to Thailand by the end of the day.’

‘Actually,’ Conner’s amused eyes flickered toward Tim's family gathered at the dining table, ‘I think we’re going to Greece now.’

Or: Tim and Conner are getting married and everyone wants to be involved (snapshots of wedding planning very loosely connected by the creation of a wedding album).

[pinkrifle]

hear me out

reader is a girl n she meets princess kenny and she knows it’s just kenny, a guy but she constantly battles her sexuality over it—but eventually giving in and asking princess kenny out on a date, disregarding gender,, :3c this is gnn be a series cuz “ i aint writing allat” and nobody’s gnna read an entire 3 pages worth of this (realistically)

— tags: @trevvylovesspence

— ✦ heart to heart ♡

i stepped up to kingdom Kupa Keep to meet the newfound princess, princess kenny—never expecting her to be so majestic, beautiful, stunning, adorable.. what other words could i possibly use to describe this girl? it only makes sense how she was selected princess. boy do these people have taste,,

i started to play this new game with my class and my best friends, stan, kyle, cartman and kenny. so far i find it nice! i mean it’s kind of a better DND. but not for super-nerds. just regular nerds.

walking up to the *very beautiful* majesty i bow my head down slightly towards her, making sure i never took my eyes off (who would want to anyway :3) “hello, dear princess kenny!!” i greet her, smiling at her—fixing my hair to make sure i don’t look like a bum in-front of this adorable babe. “huhu! hello! i understand you know my name, but yours is?”

“ooh! im [namey name ;3] im sure evryone has told you, but your so elegant!” i remind her, staring into her beautiful deep purple eyes. i notice her brush off her dress, scoff and a tiny blush spread across her hooded face. “wh- well thank you! i actually don’t get that a lot, so i appreciate that :)” she retorts in an even softer tone from her normal confident and wavy voice, cupping her left cheek with her left hand.

“[namey name], why don’t you come over to my palace for some tea, if you wish?” princess kenny proposes a brilliant idea, i assume that’s a regular thing <3 “of course! i would be more than happy to spend an afternoon with Kupa Keep’s princess. :3” i silently-shriek out loud, watching all the people of the fellow kingdom stare at me in envy. “well for now, why don’t we take a walk?”

her big eyes bat her eyelashes and before i can answer wit an exaggerated yes she carefully gets up off of her throne, taking my hand in her soft, gloved, hand. i stare at her in awe and start gliding my feet along with hers across the ol backyard we stood in, i feel amazing with princess kenny with me.

it’s something i havent felt before, is it a lovely envy? is it admiration? it can’t be love, no way,, i just met this girl! i remind myself. the word girl stains my mind… girl girl girl girl. why am i feeling like this if we’re both girls? you know what.. that’s the least of my concerns, as far as i know it’s just kenny, not a real girl.

but why am i upset that he isn’t a “real girl”? i thought that if i let myself realize princess kenny was really a boy, my worries would set aside, but i only got more and more upset, confused :( i stare at the ground as i feel my body tug—“[namey name] is everything alright? what was with that sudden stop is the weather too cold?” she questions me, cara mia! how i love hearing her say my name. it’s like angels have come down from heaven and had graced me with their voice.

“oh, yeah i’m alright!i just had to think about a little something for a sec, we can continue now &lt;3” i reassure her, telling her she had nothing to worry about and i was fine with walking with her, hell i knew so well i was more than fine walking with her. “well i hope that something wasn’t making you upset! we can always do something else if you wish, you are the guest after all :)” she stops me in the middle of the sidewalk, taking my forearms into her hands—staring at me with innocent eyes. “wha?! of course not! but i would be open to do anything you want to!” i bluff. it was practically love at first sight with this girl! i couldn’t tell her how i feel right now..

as we keep walking we chat up a storm, playfully grabbing each others hands, giggling, blushing, looking away.. <;3 “huhu— [namey name]! such a flirt! who would have known a lady like you could be so charming!” she’d compliment me from time to time, making my cheeks heat up. “well look at you! who wouldn’t wanna charm such an eye candy of a prin,,,,” i’d wanna retort, but get cut off by elves swarming infront of us. “GET THE PRINCESS FIRST” i hear one of them yell, without a thought in mind i swoop princess kenny off her feet, bridal style and begin darting down the way we came.

picking up the pace i take my wand out of a pocket in my cloak and cast some spell at the top of my head, it knocks the elves back and i keep running with the maiden. huffing and almost out of breath i get back to Kupa Keep and alert the people that elves were coming to wreak havoc. setting the princess down behind a rather large tree as i hide with her i assume someone’s keeping watch of the stick. i yell to everyone that sit infront of us, rather far away from our hiding spot that the elves are coming.

“oh thank you, thank you [namey name]! for i could have gotten much more than hurt back there,,” she clamors, very faintly shaking with some sort of fear. “we’re gonna be alright princess, i promise you. these slimy elves can do nothing to your glowing kingdom.” i hesitate to say your, as i want to say our. but how could i be thinking of love in a striking time like this? who wouldn’t wanna think of loving a beautiful princess in a striking time like this.

as i hear one final shriek before the backyard goes silent, i look at princess kenny as she looks back at me. i nod and smile as i hold her even tighter, emerging from the tree. watching as a final elf gets dragged out, i set princess kenny down and we cheer in unison as everyone else in the kingdom follows along. princess kenny settles everyone down as she takes a hand and places it in my direction.

“everyone, i don’t think we would have gotten this done as fast as we did without the help of my lovely mage, [namey name].” she announces, and everyone looks at me as i have a short smile on my face, waving out to the kingdom.

UHHH THSI IS PART 1 MUEHEHE… I HOPE UUY GUYS ENJOYED!! i am so excited i finally got yhis out YIPEEEE

update log (u can ignore idk)

pdate one [writing]: 11:38 pm 6/4/23

upd8 two [finishing, publishing] 1:47 pm 7/4/23

[aheckinmess]

(One-shot series 1/3 chapters posted - posts regularly on Saturdays. If anyone knows who to credit for the Hizashi fanart, please let me know!) Read on AO3.

Tags: Graphic violence, Hizashi Yamada x OC, Present Mic, Present Mic saves the day, Hizashi Yamada is a ray of sunshine, angst, hurt/comfort, scared reader, pro hero rescue

Word Count: 4,364 words

Summary: Ichijiku Aoki has lived in hell with Kigai as her captor for three years. During a chance encounter at a dance club, she runs into her first breath of fresh air in years: Hizashi Yamada. Kigai makes it clear that Ichi belongs to him, so dare she hope for a better life and an escape from her prison?

Author's Note: I haven't posted fanfiction in years, but after a two-year obsession with My Hero Academia, I have more than enough content to share. This first series is pretty dark, but there's some comfort and sweetness along the way. Enjoy.

TW: Implied/Referenced Sexual, Physical, and Emotional Abuse

Chapter 1: Time Signatures

Ichijiku (Tigress)

In another life, listening to the pulsating beat of the music in the club might be fun. I might feed off of the voices singing at the top of their lungs, or delight in the changing colors flashing all around the dance floor. 

But I’m not living in another life. I’m living in hell.

“Give her another shot.” Kigai’s voice rises over the crowd as he gives me a look. Don’t you tell a goddamn soul what I’m doing or you won’t live to see the sunrise. His quirk stretches into my mind and reminds me just who I belong to. Of course, the bruises littering my thighs are testament to that too. Kigai would never let me go out in anything other than skinny jeans, so it’s not like anyone can see, though.

No one ever sees.

The bartender gives me a smile and I play the perfect part of being his playful partner, leaning over to give Kigai a kiss on his cheek, a loving gaze, and a swat at his butt while bile turns over in my stomach. I throw back the shot of tequila before Kigai puts his hands at my hips and looks directly at me. You’d better get out on that dance floor and pretend you’re having a good time. People have started looking at you.  “Why don’t you go have some fun, sugar? I know you don’t feel good, but the dance floor has always helped you clear your mind.”

He plants a slow and tender kiss on my lips, but all I feel is dread. I want to feel happy. I want to feel a flutter in my chest. I want to feel anything. Anything but Kigai.

You’re mine, Ichi. And don’t you forget that. His eyes bore into mine and then he turns away, laughing at a joke Shihito tells him. I can feel his gaze follow me as I put on my brave face and walk through the dance floor.

In some ways, I’m grateful for the tequila. Otherwise I’d never be able to play like everything’s fine. Winding my way through the undulating bodies feels easier to bear than seeing that look on Kigai’s face. The threat that always lingers there. In this mingling of bodies I can close my eyes and lose myself to the music, feel the beat move in conjunction with me instead of forcing me to move with it. 

The only time I’m conscious of is the time signature in the music. Minutes could pass, or it could be hours. What’s important is that Kigai doesn’t cut in and I can’t see those eyes trapping me in their domineering gaze. 

For the first time in three years, I’m reminded of the better parts of life.

And then the better part of life bumps into me.

“Whoops! Hey there, little lady. Sorry for the intrusion.” A blonde man with a broad smile and glasses apologizes to me. “Did I hurt you?”

For a moment my breath is taken away and my façade cracks. The best way I can describe him is pure sunshine. He only looks at me for a moment with that grin but the warmth seeps into my skin and makes me yearn for a normal life. My throat gets tight. Help me. I want to say. Please make him leave me alone. 

“Woah, hey, is everything okay? Did I really hurt you?” His puts a soothing arm on my shoulder as he makes himself heard over the crowd. “Why don’t you come sit down?”

“No!” I panic, forcing a grin on my face and hoping that he’ll shake it off as me being drunk. That’s what everyone else has done. “Really, it’s okay. I just get emotional when I’m drunk. I’m sorry. You just took me by surprise.” I shake my head as if trying to clear my mind and turn away from him. You’re too pure for someone like me, too beautiful for this world. If Kigai knew I slipped up…I can’t drag you down into this. You could get hurt.

“Hey, wait!” I hear him call behind me, but I ignore it and keep moving.

My feet rush towards the bathroom. I head inside and slam the first stall door I see before heaving into the porcelain bowl. Get it together, Ichijiku. I’ll kill Kigai. We can’t. I sob in the stall. We can’t do anything. Kigai has my family on his radar. We’re stuck! What a foul sack of shit. He’s not worth the stripes on my skin. I want to die. I know, Little Cub, and I’d surely embrace death knowing that you didn’t have to suffer this any longer. But we have to hold on. Change is coming. I can feel it in my bristling fur.

There’s a banging at the door that I know means I’m in trouble. I quickly wipe the tears from my cheeks frantically and flush the toilet before wetting a paper towel and dabbing under my eyes. Breathe. Get it together. We’ll survive. I’m right here with you.

I step out of the bathroom and Kigai’s hand wraps around my arm as he pulls me aside.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He puts on a concerned simper, feeling my forehead with his free hand. You’re supposed to tell me where you’re going and why. You were trying to run away, weren’t you, bitch?  “I thought you were hurt. Did you get sick?”

“I think I drank too much.” I sniffle, looking down so he can’t use his quirk and I don’t have to listen to his haunting voice in my thoughts. It’s a mistake.

His hand comes under my chin. To an outside party it might look like he’s being a tender lover, but there’s bite in the way his fingers dig into my skin. You know I hate when you look away from me, whore.

“Honey, you only had one shot. When did you become such a lightweight?” He laughs. I’m sick of your damn excuses. He runs his fingers through my hair and his hands cup my cheeks as he kisses my forehead. “But if you need to take a seat, go ahead.” Stay where I can see you.

“Thanks, love.” I return his gesture of affection with a hug and a peck on his cheek.

For a while, I sit at the bar again, scrolling through my phone to look busy. I can’t see Kigai, but I don’t need to. His gaze always follows me, even when he’s not in the room.

“It looks like you needed a break, huh?” The blonde from earlier takes residence in the seat next to me.

I turn to look at him as I nurse a lemonade. He’s like a breath of fresh air.

“Yeah.” I look down at the table again and trace around the rim of my glass. “Sorry about earlier. I think I’d been dancing too long and was getting overheated.”

“Yeah, the dance floor can get overwhelming if you’re not used to it.” He laughs. The sound sings through my bones. 

“What’s your name?” I ask.

“Yamada Hizashi. But you can call me Hizashi.” He tilts his head like a puppy and the lights around him make him appear almost angelic. “What’s yours?”

“Ichijiku.” 

“Nice to formally meet you, Ichijiku.” He answers. “Was that your boyfriend I saw earlier?” 

“Yes.” I smile into my cup to hide the disgust in my eyes. God, I wish he wasn’t. “He was making sure I was okay.”

“Ah, good to know. From back there it looked like he was going to hurt you, but I was obviously mistaken. I’m glad you’re safe, you know?” 

Something about the way he says it makes me look up at him and feel more hope than I have in a long time. I feel seen and heard. After a cursory glance around the club without seeing Kigai, I feel safe enough to answer.

“Kigai’s not a dangerous man. He doesn’t hit me and he likes to make sure I’m taken care of.” My eyes scream the opposite. I hope he catches it. I hope he doesn’t. “He knows my favorite colors and we watch my favorite movies all the time and he loves me. He never calls me names and he always asks before he touches me; Kigai doesn’t want to hurt me.”

Hizashi’s hand moves closer to mine and when I look at him I don’t feel sick.

���So you don’t need my help at all, do you?” He asks. He doesn’t break my gaze. 

My lips part in a relieved gasp;  I’m ready to tell him everything, but my eyes hold terror as Kigai catches my gaze from across the room. What the hell are you telling him? His smile follows me even though he’s standing beside the DJ. Abruptly, I stand and move away from Hizashi.

“It would be better if you stayed away from me.” I hiss under my breath, cursing myself for wishing for a normal life. Cursing myself for dreaming that I’d ever be able to get away from Kigai. What was I thinking? If Kigai finds out, it’ll be my head. But at least Hizashi knows. Maybe he can get help! Why would he help me? He probably has no idea I need help. I was reading too much into it. No one ever notices the bruises. Or they make excuses if they do.  That’s right. No one cares about you. Who cares about a stupid whore? She’s not a whore. Kigai’s a manipulator and a rapist, and that’s all there is to it, fiend.

“Are you looking at my girl?” I’m suddenly face to chest with Kigai. Shit. He was closer than I realized. Fuck!

“Kigai, honey, it’s okay. I was just coming to find you. It’s fine.” I place my hand on his arm and squeeze, trying to redirect him. 

“No, it’s not fucking okay.” Kigai growls, glaring bullets into Hizashi’s eyes. 

“Hey, man. You have the wrong idea.” Hizashi puts his hands up, looking composed and calm. See? He knows nothing. Everything you told him went straight over his head. “She bumped into me earlier and I was just making sure she’d gotten back to the bar safely.”

“She bumped into you? Or were you trying to cop a feel?” Kigai snarls, dangerously tense.

“Kigai, please.” I beg, pulling at the front of his shirt to make him look at me. Why the hell did you let him get close to you, huh? You know you belong to me. Not some sleaze who’s just going to fuck you and leave you out to dry. After everything I’ve done for you. His words reach into my mind and I do the only thing I can to get out of the situation. I reach up around his neck and pull him in for a kiss. 

Thankfully, Kigai seems to take the bait. He becomes more possessive, gripping my hips so hard I know there’ll be bruises there in the morning. His tongue invades my mouth and he tugs fiercely at my lip. When he pulls back, he still turns a fiery glare onto Hizashi.

“Don’t you get near my girl again, got it?” Kigai wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him. My eyes lose their shine. I guess that’s it. We’re stuck again. All in good time, Little Cub. All in good time.

He pulls me away and I risk one last glance back at Hizashi. One last hopeful plea begging him to help, but he’s not looking back at me. 

. . . . .

Six months go by that Kigai refuses to take me out again. For six months he beats the lesson into me.

“You were trying to be a clever little whore, weren’t you?” His foot connects with my jaw, but I don’t make a sound. I take it. “Thought you had a savior. Someone to take you away from me, right? But you’re mine! If you left me do you know what that would mean for your family? For you?” He yanks me up by my hair. “They’d be up shit creek without a paddle and it’d be all your fault!” 

“I’m sorry, love.” I whimper out, hating the taste of the words on my tongue. “It won’t happen again.”

“Damn right it won’t.” He lets go of me and I catch the brunt of my weight on my arms. Tears trickle down my cheeks and then suddenly he pulls me into his arms and then onto his lap on the bed.

“You know I love you, right?” He coos in my ear, saying the words that my heart wants to hear in the most twisted tones. “It’s just…seeing you with that other man…mmm…I hated seeing that. You know he was just trying to manipulate you, right? Use you when you were vulnerable?”

You’d know all about that wouldn’t you? I wish I could have been more specific…told him something more concrete. Then maybe I wouldn’t be stuck here. It’s not your fault, Dear One. “I know, Kigai. I’m sorry. I wasn’t feeling good and I just wanted someone to talk to.”

His grip tightens on me. “You could have found me.”

“You were busy, Kigai, I didn’t want to ruin your time.” I turn and kiss his cheek to make the comment more believable. “I love you.”

“Mmm, that’s what I like to hear.” He kisses under my ear and it burns. Nauseous flames swim along my body until he leaves me broken under the covers. I curl up into a ball as he gets up from the covers and starts grabbing his clothes. “C’mon, baby, get your clothes on. I think you’ve learned your lesson. I’ve got a surprise for you.”

I don’t question it. I’m silent as I pull on my clothes and fix my hair. When I’m ready, I take the arm he offers me. 

“You’re gonna like this, baby.” He rubs a small bruise he made at my neck, smiling as we head out into the street and he looks at me. You’d better not tell anyone it’s anything other than a love bite, got it? Or I’ll have your family hunted down with a snap of my fingers.  “Look at how beautiful you look with my marks on you. Everyone will know who you belong to, yeah?” 

“Of course. Only yours.” I nod, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

Before long he leads me to a karaoke bar. The sight of it puts a pep in my step; even though I’d rather be here with anyone else except Kigai, this is the most I’ve gotten out in months. I’ll take what I can get.

“A karaoke bar? How did you know?” I giggle, kissing his cheek as I slip into the assumed role.

“I know my babygirl.” He pauses to kiss me roughly outside the door before pulling me inside. He pays for the two of us before we’re taken to a private room where a few of his friends are waiting. “I hope you don’t mind, some of my buddies came to join us.”

“It’s okay.” I promise, even though seeing all of them makes my heart sink. “As long as they don’t bother me.”

“They’ve already been warned, babe, they’ve already been warned.” Kigai winks at me. Don’t test those waters after I’ve let you out. “Would you like to go first?”

“Yes, please.” 

Once again, the music distracts me from my own crumbling little world. Life seems full of more promise as the notes spill from my lips. 

“Hey, Takamaru! I’ve gotta take a piss. Keep an eye on my girl, okay? Make sure she doesn’t get into too much trouble.” Kigai chuckles and glances at me before he leaves. Don’t do anything stupid.

“Sure, man.” Takamaru doesn’t even look in Kigai’s direction. He’s too busy focusing on Shihito’s selection. “What the fuck, man?! You’ve sung homura three times already! Pick something new.”

“Shut up, Taka, it’s the only song I know.” Shihito huffs, pulling up the microphone again.

“Hey, do you guys mind if I go grab a snack?” I ask, wanting to get some fresh air without Kigai hovering over me. If he gets back before I do, I can always blame Takamaru. He never goes too hard on his buddies. 

“Sure, Ichi. Can you grab me a granola bar while you’re at it?” Takamaru tosses me a couple yen. 

“Sure thing.” I nod and head towards the vending machine on the balcony. 

I walk by a room where I hear such sweet sonorous notes I can’t help but glance into the window. Hizashi?! My feet stutter and I nearly trip. I have to keep walking. Kigai is liable to beat him up if he even sees he’s in the same building. If I were to stop and wave? Impossible. I force myself to keep walking until I make it to the machine. 

Once I’ve got a pack of crackers and Taka’s granola bar, I hang over the railing and take a deep breath. When did this all start? Why did I let myself get roped into this? I hate this… None of this is your fault, Little One. Kigai is a manipulator and a fiend. And his quirk makes it inanely difficult to give any sort of proof to the authorities of your predicament. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” Hizashi’s voice joins me on the balcony. I jump back as if stung and start backing away from him. His moves his hands from his pockets and holds them up in surrender. “Woah, hey, I’m not going to hurt you.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” I turn to look and make sure Kigai isn’t headed back to our karaoke room and then back to Hizashi. “You can’t be here.”

“Is he hurting you?” He asks me bluntly, eyes somehow fierce and kind all at once.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I choke out, starting to speed walk back into the building. This can’t be happening. Kigai’s going to kill him if he sees him anywhere near me! 

His hand grabs my wrist and I’m forced to pause and turn back to him.

“Is he hurting you, Ichijiku?” 

The first time I saw his gaze in the club, I nearly lost myself. Seeing it now, so intentional and worried…I feel I have no choice.

“Yes.” I hiss, eyes watering. “Yes, he hurts me. All the time. For big things, for little things. But I take it, okay?” Part of me is angry. Not even at Hizashi, just everything in general. Why the hell am I in this predicament? What did I do except love people and want them to love me back? It’s okay. You’re allowed to be angry. Especially at this situation. “I take it because Kigai says he’ll hurt my family if I don’t. Because they’ll die if I don’t suck it up like a good girl, alright? And he’s going to hurt you too, Hizashi. He’ll hurt you really bad if you so much as look at me. If you’re so much as seen with me.” I keep glancing back, waiting at any moment for Kigai to round the corner and exact his punishment. “So go! Leave me alone. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt for my sake…please.” I beg, finally yanking my hand free of his hold.

When I hear Kigai’s voice down the hall, I don’t look back. I rush back into the room just in time and hand Taka his granola bar. I start nibbling on my crackers so I can compose my face before he walks in. I smile at him and offer him a cracker.

“Oo, got me a snack, baby?” He takes the whole pack and leaves me the one. “Thanks.”

The rest of the evening, I’m too nervous to sing like I want to. I pick one or two songs to make sure Kigai’s off my scent, but mostly I watch him and his friends sing. In reality, I keep watching the door to make sure Hizashi doesn’t walk by.

By the time we get ready to leave, it’s dark. I assume that Hizsahi is long gone, because as we walk by his room on our way out, it’s empty and quiet. Thank you, Lord. He deserves a better lot in life than this. 

“Damn, Kigai, every time we go out for karaoke I forget just how shitty of a singer you are.” Taka teases as we give the desk lady her key back. 

“Hey, man! I’m not that bad. At least I can carry a tune.”

“Barely.” He snorts, before nudging Shihito. “And this fucker only has one song he can sing!” 

The ribbing continues as we walk out the door. I keep my eyes down and my arm wrapped around Kigai’s until a group of voices convene on us and someone suddenly pulls me out of Kigai’s grasp.

“Police! Get on the ground, now!” Someone barks out, and my brain struggles to keep up.

Kigai and his pals look shocked to say the least. Kigai is the only one who tries to struggle, of course. “Get the fuck off me! Let my girl go! Babygirl, tell these fuckers to get off me!” 

“Don’t hurt him!” I call out, aching heart bleeding for him even in spite of all the bruises he’s left on my heart and my body.

“Get on the ground.” The cop repeats, needing two more officers to help bring Kigai down to the ground. “Sir, you’re under arrest.”

The world around me sways. My breath gets shaky and I start crying as I beg them to leave him alone. What am I doing?! I want them to take him but… He’s a manipulator. He’s made you afraid and obligated to him. I want him out of my life. I don’t ever want to see him again. My pleas ultimately die down as my sobs get louder. 

The weather is colder in the darkness. My body starts shaking and I start swaying.

“It’s okay, ma’am. We’ll get it taken care of. You’re safe now.” The woman holding me rubs my shoulders and starts looking around. “Can one of you grab a jacket for–”

“I’ve got it taken care of.” Hizashi’s voice melts into my eardrums as the police get Kigai into the back of their cruiser. I wrap my arms around myself and then he’s got something warm and soft wrapped around my shoulders. “Here. Take my jacket.”

I turn to Hizashi and then back to the police cruiser. I look at the woman.

“Excuse me, Officer?”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Th–That man…Kigai…he…he said he’d hurt my family if I ever turned him in. Are they–”

“This young man here told us the story. We’ve got a unit at their house.” She assures me, rubbing my shoulder. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore, honey. We’ve got it all covered. We’ve been trying to find definitive evidence to put this guy away for years.”

I look at her, disbelieving. “H=How did you find any evidence?”

The officer looks at the cruiser as Kigai is hauled off, before she looks at Hizashi with a smile and then back to me. “Your friend here said that he recorded your conversation in the karaoke place. He said he’d previously met you and was suspicious of the situation.”

“I hadn’t seen you in months. I was scared I was too late to do anything, so when I saw you…” He pauses. “I started recording on my phone before I walked over to talk to you. I was hoping that maybe if I was blunt enough…you might tell me what was going on.” Hizashi admits sheepishly. “So we left as soon as I got the evidence just in case your group was planning on leaving soon.”

For a long time, I just stare at him. I memorize everything I can about him. The way his hair frames his face and the small, pampered mustache making his smile pop out on his face. Then there’s his eyes.

One look and my body works without my permission. I wrap my arms around him, tackling him into a hug and feeling three years of pain and grief claw out of my chest and manifest as sobs.

“Thank you, Hizashi.” I hold his back in a death grip, and I feel him pat my back delicately. 

“I couldn’t sit by and watch you get hurt without doing anything.”

“Ma’am, would you like me to walk you to your home?” The officer asks me, also reaching over to rub my shoulder.

“I don’t have anywhere to go right now.” I admit with a sniffle. “But if you can go with me to grab my stuff from Kigai’s, that would be great.” I turn to Hizashi. “Will you come with us? Please?”

“Of course. I won’t leave you alone right now. That a problem with you, Officer?” 

“Not at all.” She assures.

When we make it to Kigai’s house, there’s blue and red lights flashing there too. Hizashi steps with me inside as the officer gets debriefed on other things found out about Kigai’s dastardly affairs. “It’s just down this hall.” I assure him.

Going back into Kigai’s room sends a cold chill down my spine. You’re mine, whore. You belong to me, understand? I pull Hizashi’s jacket tighter around me, before steeling my nerves and grabbing my bag and stuffing it.

“Anything you need me to grab?” Hizashi asks as he looks around.

“No. I don’t have much.” I toss in my phone and charger, a few changes of clothes, toothbrush, hairbrush, and a few other necessities. “I think that’s all.” I say once I’ve got everything together. When at last I turn to him and meet his gaze, I’m expecting to hear foul words stabbing into my brain.

He is not Kigai, Little One. It’s going to be okay. 

My nose quivers as I look at him. “He’s really gone.”

“He won’t hurt you anymore, Ichijiku.” Hizashi nods. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

I don’t have to be afraid.

Continue Reading -> Ch. 2

[splishsplashyouropinionistrash]

welcome welcome, it’s been a while.

but we’re back now with tumblr’s favorite show: AFTG Hot Takes, where i spew paragraphs and paragraphs of bullshit instead of working on my WIP.

without any further ado, i am proud to present: every AFTG ship, ranked.

this is your friendly reminder that these are just my opinions. if you like a ship i don’t: great! if you don’t like a ship that i love: also great! i’m always happy to hear people’s thoughts, and i love a good friendly debate, but please remember that i’m 17. i’m not here to argue with you about why your ship is the best. i’m just here to have fun.

these probably aren’t all the ships that are out there, but this is everything i’ve seen so far. if i missed one, let me know!

24. Jean/Riko

this one… ew. ew ew ew. every ship with riko is so ew, i cannot begin to explain, but this one is the worst.

i’ve read too many Nest fics to not gag at this tag, cause it’s never consensual.

23. Kevin/Riko

just no.

moving on.

22. Kevin/Thea

y’all know i hate this ship by now, but for newcomers: it’s predatory and neglectful. very very ick.

21. Andrew/Roland

this one… where to start?

i’ll probably make a full post ab it soon, so for now, let’s just say that it’s very similar to Kevin/Thea. The age gap at the time that things started between them… the morals and legality are murky at best.

20. Andrew/Kevin

i’ve said it once, and i’ll say it again: they. aren’t. good. for. each. other.

Kevin doesn’t respect boundaries. he pushes things. and boundaries are the absolute most important thing for Andrew. they just don’t work.

19. Andrew/Neil/Kevin

i very vehemently despise this ship, for the same reason i hate Andrew/Kevin. i think it’s so important for y’all to remember who these characters are and not just ship them because they all have dicks and are nice to each other sometimes. that turns into mlm fetishization real fuckin quick.

18. Neil/Kevin

this is one that i can almost sort of see. if i hadn’t accidentally spoiled andreil for myself, i would have assumed this was canon during my first read.

but it’s just… i love the fact that they’re friends. i think their friendship can be so amazing, and i love reading fics where they’re that close. i don’t think every friendship in media has to turn romantic.

17. Kevin/Jean/Jeremy

remember what i said about kevandreil? apply it to this one too.

ik it sounds like i just hate poly couples. i don’t. i just hate ships like this, that really wouldn’t be healthy but people put together anyway because oh gay people yay! it feels gross and fetish-y and i am not here for it.

16. Kevin/Jean

this is a ship that i can see happening pre-canon, but i’m not the biggest fan of it simply because there’s no way it could be healthy. they went through a lot together, sure, but traumabonds are notoriously unhealthy.

15. Kevin/Matt

this, again, feels like just putting two characters together because they’re nice to each other occasionally, but really? they aren’t. correct me if i’m wrong, but Matt and Kev only have one canon interaction that i can remember, and it’s literally Matt punching Kev in the face.

Not to mention, Dan and Matt. Dan and Matt! i love them too much to accept this.

14. Kevin/Matt/Aaron

listen. again, i don’t hate poly couples. i really, really don’t. i just…

Matt literally… just doesn’t mesh well with Kev or Aaron. at all? i don’t understand the thought process behind this.

13. Renee/Jean

i don’t… i don’t hate this one. i just don’t like it. i feel like both Renee and Jean have wayyy better ships (not to spoil anything, but they both make top 5 in different ships)

i don’t think they’re awful, per se, i just don’t really see the chemistry.

12. Allison/Seth

this is an unpopular opinion, i know. but i’ve read a few “Seth lives” fics that redeem him, so i can’t hate him. i can’t, you can’t make me.

believe me, i don’t like it either, but i don’t run this city, the rats do.

anyway, it’s not awesome and i like Ally’s other options better, but it could be good! it could be great! i read too much redemption fanfic!

11. Kevin/Jeremy

i’ll be honest, it’s not my favorite to read when Jean is also in a fic, but if we’re talking in general?

i adore. fics where Kev is falling all over himself trying to talk to Jer are my bread. and. fucking. butter. quicksand has destroyed me. absolutely ruined me.

10. Aaron/Katelyn

starting off the top ten with one of my favorite minor characters ever, this ship is up here because i love Kate so much.

i read too much fanfiction, i know, but i just think she’s so cool?

honestly, i really don’t think Aaron deserves her. she’s that cool. i love her so much. that’s my lady. my babygirl. simply adore.

9. Abby/Wymack/Betsy

i like this one, i really do. all the Fox parents together? it’s perfect. i love it. enough said.

8. Kevin/Allison

listen. i’ve said i didn’t get it before, but honestly? i change my mind. i like this one. i like it a lot.

their personalities would mesh so well. they’re both dramatic, they’d be the funniest fucking couple in the world. i like it a lot.

7. Abby/Wymack

it’s a classic. i ship it, you ship it, the Foxes ship it too. we all ship it. they’re made for each other, and that’s all i have to say.

6. Matt/Dan

if you don’t like this one, you’re lying. they are. the definition. of love.

they’re so cute? so cute? i have no words?

your honor, i love them.

top five time!!

5. Nicky/Erik

god, these two.

if you know me at all, you know i have a soft spot for Nicky. i relate to his story so much, and i hate how dirty Nora did him.

but god, these two. they are love. they are perfect.

i have no words. i just love them so much

4. Kevin/Aaron

i love this one. you know i love this one. everyone knows i love this one.

they’re both assholes, and they’re both hurt in different ways, and i love when they heal together. when they help each other and lean on each other and just- ugh.

i like watching them heal, and i like watching them do it together. (plus best friend’s brother anyone?? a classic trope)

3. Renee/Allison

i love them so much. i love them so much.

they balance each other out so well? they’re so perfect for each other?

also, we need more wlw couples in media in general, and especially in this series.

i love them so much.

2. Jean/Jeremy

you know. you know i love this one (thank you Hoax, and thank you gus_47. you have ruined my sleep schedule and i have never been happier)

grumpyxsunshine, guys. healing together. i love when people heal together. i love it

also, round of applause to us in the fandom for creating an incredibly popular ship between two people who literally never interact in canon. we did that. i love that for us.

and now, for #1.

1. Andrew/Neil

they are love. they. are. love.

it’s a classic but it’s perfect, and i love them so much. no i will not elaborate (this time)

well! thank you for reading, start a (friendly) fight with me if you want, and drink some water

hugs and kisses <3

[bihansthot]

I’m like super new to the Mortal Kombat fandom so when I first saw your blog in passing it was confusing for me as I knew Sub Zero as Kuai but with the new game coming out and learning about the game and the various timelines, you have single handedly (with some other Tumblr blogs) have gotten me hooked onto Bi Han. Your head canons make so much sense and honestly they are canon to me (Boon doesn’t know anything). I also want to say that I really appreciate the deep dives you’ve done and your posts which inspired me to start up my writing again (MK included) and just have fun in the fandom. I also wanted to let you know that there are people who want to read whatever you write, even if the haters and mean people like to infiltrate the ask box from time to time!

Thank you so much lovely! It’s wonderful comments like this that keep me motivated to keep creating, really I can’t thank you enough. Also welcome to the fandom! All the lore around the Sub-Zero Bros. can be quite confusing for someone just getting into the fandom hell a lot of times seasoned fans get confused sometimes too. I’m so glad though that you’re hooked on Bi-Han though! My master plan of building a Bi-Han army is slowly coming to fruition haha I just love him so much and I love others who love him too, I love to talk about him and compare ideas about him! I’m so honored that my silly ramblings have inspired you to write! I’m especially excited to see what you write about MK wise! That’s so awesome! Please feel free to tag me in it! My timeline tends to get quite flooded with things other than MK and I don’t always get to see everything because the tumblr app is garbage and crashes constantly and only lets me see some of my moots feed. I’d love to read it though! Thank you so much for saying there are people who want to read whatever I write it really makes me feel good and like I’m actually contributing to the kommunity in a positive way and that feels incredible. Thankfully I don’t have to deal with a lot of haters much anymore, that’s not to say I never deal with it but I don’t post it when I get it. I just delete it and go about my day. I used to get really bothered by hate and get really down on myself but lately I just remind myself of all the wonderful lovelies who do support me and I don’t let myself get overwhelmed by those who don’t. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok! I just prefer if people block me instead of send hate which is my overall suggestion to every fandom, block people, don’t harass them. Again I just want to say thank you so much for your wonderfully kind comments, it really made my day. 🥰 I love this game and kommunity and work really hard to try and create things people enjoy and when people let me know they do it just makes my heart soar. Sending love to you and the kommunity. 💙

[circular-bircular]

This is strictly a vent. Not looking for a debate or engagement. Tagged as syscourse so those who are interested can see but that’s all.

Caveat for everything you’re about to read: when I say “pro-endos do x,” I mean “in my experiences, I have had many pro-endos do this to me or have witnessed many do this, and it needs addressed.” It isn’t me attempting to overgeneralize. Shout out to the pro-endo friends I’ve made who are equally horrified by this shit.

Tw for harassment, sui, fakeclaiming, religious trauma

Lately I’m seeing a lot more bullshit from some certain pro-endos, and while the servers I’m in (which range all span of syscourse ideologies) feature a lot of people in agreement that these takes are horrific, it still pains me to see so many people supporting things said uncritically - particularly about anti endos. And every time I see this, the behavior of recent pro-endos, I’m reminded of what I’ve been through in the past. I think too many pro-endos love to ignore what their side does, while consistently continuing to do those actions that made me leave that community in the first place.

Just within the past few weeks:

Harassing a system, who believed they were diagnosed, into believing they were endogenic. Then, after the system privated the blog before redoing it all with no mentions of who they were before, a pro-endo system reblogging it with “reverse psychology” saying that the user wasn’t a system. While an apology came out from that pro-endo… 1, how the fuck do you think that’s okay in the first place, and 2, the apology continued to suggest they were willogenic. Disgusting.

Continued positing that hearing voices is what makes you plural - a fact that I, as someone with religious trauma, resent. I was told often growing up that I would “hear the voice of god in my soul,” and it sent me into regular panics about how I wasn’t Christian Enough for my parents. I remember sobbing and going home early to pray for multiple hours, begging the voice of god to speak in me. So when I first heard voices in my head? I’m lucky that the misogyny I was raised with convinced me it was RP characters, because “god is male, this is just my writings.” Had I been in endogenic spaces when I first learned of my system, I feel it would’ve been incredibly easy for people to convince me that the voices I heard were spiritual in nature, and that it made me an endogenic system, hearing lovely voices (instead of the self-proclaimed broken pieces of who I wish I could’ve been). Suggesting that every person who hears voices could count under the plural label is blatantly ignoring the trauma many people experience.

Furthermore, it’s discounting the origins of the term plural, which was popularized by endogenic systems. Yes, while DID systems do often fit the definition of having multiple autonomous agents - many (such as myself) detest this label and would not like it to apply to them. Continuing to suggest that “well you can’t just say you aren’t when you do fit the label” is suggesting it’s okay to mislabel someone when you feel the label they use isn’t good enough. And this has been a running theme in the pro-endo community. I remember getting told constantly “you could be autigenic” and having so many fucking systems encouraging me to research it, to go on pluralpedia and sight-see, so much so that those memories were mostly blocked until this past year! And were those experiences bad at the time, NO! I was accepted, “loved,” just like my overprotective manipulative parents loved “me” - the me they decided I was. And to this day, pro-endos are still deciding who other people are.

Repeatedly calling anti-endos sanist, bigots, hate groups, etc - while making wild, outlandish claims about them. Do I believe some are? Yes! But saying this, in general, without evidence is… ugh.

Repeatedly saying they send harassment while never fucking acknowledging the harassment pro-endos send!! Or did we forget the first bullet point already? Why is it that every fucking time a system gets harassed - endo OR traumagenic - the only people I see publicly calling it out are anti endos and syscourse unaligneds? Maybe, once or twice, I’ll see pro endos call it out. But never the big ones - never the big names, the ones who have thousands of followers. Instead they’re too busy Spreading Positivity UwU while people are being driven to suicide over what alignment they are.

Speaking of suicide - guess what! I shouldn’t have to repeatedly explain my suicidal ideation to people online just for you all to understand that the talks you post about how anti endos harassed you and triggered YOUR suicidal ideation should have a fucking triggering warning. I’m not saying don’t vent about it - look, I’m doing it now - but fucking tag your shit properly! So many systems out there struggle with suicidal thoughts. You all are making it even worse.

Everything I see, every day, from pro-endos on tumblr is screaming and shitting and crying about how most of not all anti endos are horrific, fakeclaiming monsters who are hateful and will never accept anyone who deviates from the norm.

Meanwhile, my experiences?

I joined a server, one I thought was marketed as anti endo (due to the sheer number of anti endos in it) after months of struggling with my disorder. The anti endos who ran this server were the ones who offered me advice that helped. I sought advice everywhere. Pro endos told me “don’t worry! You’re valid! I don’t know how to help but I’ve been there!” Whereas anti endos told me “that sounds like another aspect of dysfunction - here’s what helps, and don’t worry, dysfunction doesn’t mean incapable.” I reach out again, say “what is the meaning of dysfunction and distress.” Pro endos tell me ableism, and ‘it’s all that one guy who changed MPD to DID’s ableist fault,” while anti endos provided me sources and comfort and told me I wasn’t broken.

I joined the server and immediately felt as if I would be banned for my views. I was calling myself anti-endo at this time, however briefly, but I still mostly believed that brains can be fucky. I also believed in my created alters. I came in swinging… and. Found people cheering on the fight. They agreed with me in most cases - on such topics like fakeclaiming being horrific no matter what, that harassment is NEVER okay, and that endogenic systems deserve respect. When we did disagree, it was on the scientific nature of things.

The sources. God the sources were incredible. Discussions of the sources Endogenics provide, discussions of the sources about DID/OSDD, discussions of the sources regarding MaDD, hearing voices, gender, sexuality, and DID, and even more. Entire resource channels. Where were these when I was struggling?

Minimal blacklists, where discussions of trauma are guided, but never banned. Nothing was condemned. Triggers are YOURS to deal with, not someone else’s, and it’s mature and well handled. It’s almost like, Woah, im ALLOWED to be traumatized here? Unlike every pro-endo space that has accused me of trauma dumping by me mentioning what fawning is.

I talk regularly in that space about my created alters. And. That’s valued and agreed with. Some don’t get it - but they don’t need to! Remarkably, my validation does not come from them! Instead it is discussed reasonably and with understanding!!!

There’s channels for spirituality. Channels for personality disorders. There’s discussions of how having a complex dissociative disorder impacts these things. There’s advice, and help, and comfort, and sources.

I compare my experiences in these spaces to the experiences I had with pro-endos - my experiences being manipulated, condemned, harassed, threatened with Doxxing, fakeclaimed, everything - and I just… cannot understand why people generalize anti endos the way they do.

And remember. I’ve been harassed by anti endos too. I was pro endo for 5 entire years, vocal in syscourse, comparing the “sysmeds” to transphobes same as the rest of the pro endos. I was aggressive, firm, in attack mode. And yet I can recognize that anti endos aren’t a hate group.

And if they are? Then so are pro endos. And I wish that even one of the big names would fucking acknowledge it.

[theluckywizard]

WIP Whenever

Tidying up the last bits of the next chapter of my longfic In the Shattering of Things so I will share a bit for funsies!

“She has a point. At the very least you could entertain me,” I remind him. “Might distract you as well, to be honest. You can tell me true stories about Hawke.”

“I’m not sure I could do that to the Seeker. She’s heard them all before,” says Varric, leaning around me to glower in her direction.

“Yes, and I’m certain you told the Maker’s truth,” says Cassandra. “Something tells me you know exactly where that man is.” Varric glances at me like I might have given something away but I just peer back out of the corner of my eye with an almost imperceptible shake of my head.

“Well I want to hear about this Hawke fellow,” says Dorian, “I’ve heard the legends of course– ended a Qunari invasion in single combat against the Arishok… Stopped the mad Templar woman trying to annul an entire circle…” Varric sighs.

“And I was there for all of it,” he says. “The infiltration of Chateau Haine is my personal favorite escapade.”

“Mine too,” I remark automatically, though I feel foolish immediately as I've had it from a book. “A whose who of Thedas’ Very Important People? Near death experiences with Wyverns? Ham and cheese jokes? What’s not to love?”

“You’re a real fangirl, you know that Freckles?”

“I know. I can’t help it.”

“It tickles me that’s all,” he says.

“Maybe you should gift Dorian a copy,” I suggest.

“I wouldn’t believe everything you read,” says Cassandra, her ire piqued.

“That’s what I’ve been telling her,” says Varric. “Adding a little hogwash here and there sells it though.”

“I stand by my love of it no matter the veracity,” I answer, remembering how I’d curled up in my window seat on a pile of cushions and devoured every word, immersing myself in the embellished exploits of a crew of very real people. And now I’ve had my own exploits with my own crew including the illustrious author of the very book. How sharply my life has turned and for the better in so many ways. It's a shame it might end in a towering torrent of magic this morning.

“I don’t deserve you,” chuckles Varric. As if responding to my momentary fatalism, a streak of white blinds me as the mark awakens, hungry, pulling at threads I can’t see, suddenly humming, buzzing, singing. I collapse forward against Juniper’s mane and then push myself back up.

“The mark?” asks Cassandra, the set of her features grimmer than usual, concerned.

“I think it’s just… waking up,” I explain, fumbling with my mitten to take a look. The tendrils of green look more luminous, pulsating, the Breach tugging at the energy within it like it’s tethered.

“Does it hurt?” asks Dorian, his expression suggesting reminders of our time in the future as each rift spurred the mark’s expansion.

“Not yet,” I tell him, but I know what’s coming. I steel myself for it.

Tagging: @mogwaei, @demarogue, @warpedlegacy, @plisuu, @doomhippy83, @monocytogenes, @bluewren, @nirikeehan, @rosella-writes, @crackinglamb, @ar-lath-ma-cully, @kiastirling-fanfic

[douwatahima]

tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

thank you @thermoskind for tagging me!

three four ships: look, i tried to narrow this down to three but i thought of these four and got sad at the thought of not including them all so y'all are getting an extra one.

doumeki/watanuki/himawari (xxxholic) - MY BABIES WHO I LITERALLY NAMED MYSELF AFTER!!! listen, my son watanuki deserves to have a stoic but protective boyfriend and a sunshiney girlfriend who hug him lots and help him see he's worth loving. AND my daughter himawari deserves to be loved without fear of accidentally doing harm. AND my son doumeki deserves to be with the people he cares about despite the fact that they're both self sacrificing as fuck. this is the trio of my dreams and i will love them until i die.

satoshi/daisuke (dn angel) - so like...this ship is from a manga that a) isn't popular and b) i would not recommend despite the fact that it had a vice grip on me as a fourteen year old. that being said these two anime boys are truly THE BLUEPRINT against which i compared all other ships for YEARS. like, there was a time where how much i loved a ship could be directly correlated to how much they reminded me of satoshi and daisuke. they were IT. and this ship truly gave us everything! the romeo and juliet parallels of them coming from feuding families!!! the enemies to friends (to lovers in my heart) of it all!!! they are THEE fire and ice ship!!! THEE sunshine one and stoic one!!! literally never talk to me about the canonical dn angel ending i want to believe in my imagined ending where they were allowed to be in love.

nico/karolina (runaways) - this is specifically about the comic book version but the tv show version is also good! i remember reading the first few comics series like...a decade ago and OHHHH MAN these two messy girls really got me. i remember reading the first conversation that implied karolina was a lesbian and becoming the living embodiment of this emoji 👀. and then nico's whole mess of a sexuality crisis after karolina leaves? poetic cinema if i've ever seen it. i spent so many years holding a torch for these two that when they actually got together in the comics in 2018 i legit bawled my eyes out. i read the words "i'm not confused anymore, karrie. i'm not scared. i know what i want" and i DIED. their first kiss has been the background on my phone for nearly five years. they are my everything i am soooo serious.

ed/stede (ofmd) - OH YOU KNOW THE GAY PIRATES HAD TO BE HERE. when i say they rewired my brain that is in no way and exaggeration. i can vividly recall scrolling through tumblr and seeing how much people were talking about this show and thinking "okay but is it really gay or is this just another tumblr thing?" LIKE. I HAD NO IDEA. staying up until two a.m. to watch episodes 9 and 10 and feeling every human emotion all at once is a moment i will never recreate. i could've done anything that night. i could've fought god and won. it's ten months later and i still think about these two every fucking day. i truly can't wait to see more of them. david jenkins thank you for my life.

first ever ship:

arnold/helga (hey arnold) - i was like...seven and didn't know what fandom was yet but i watched every episode with baited breath waiting for these two to get together lmao. the romeo and juliet episode is burned into my brain for all time. when the jungle movie came out and they finally got together after OVER A DECADE of waiting i literally went out and bought a cake to celebrate.

last song:

grace kelly by felix hagan & the family - what can i say? this song is a bop!

last film:

glass onion - listen, i would watch benoit blanc solve murders for another fifty movies and never get bored. also janelle monae i am free on thursday if you are also free on thursday and want to meet up on thursday when i am free.

currently reading:

i'm between books at the moment but the one i most recently finished was lost boy by christina henry. it was genuinely the most five out of ten book i've ever read. like...not bad by any means but so meh i have no words.

my plan is to read the magicians by lev grossman next because i miss those characters more than i can say but like hell am i gonna watch the show again after...all that. i heard the books are worse soooooo we'll see how far i get.

currently watching:

the mayfair witches - i recently watched the first two episodes and i really enjoyed them! i've never read the books so everything is new and exciting to me. i'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes!

currently consuming:

a caramilk bar. ❤

currently craving:

the ofmd season 2 trailer. please djenks i need to see ed again my crops are dying.

tagging:

i feel like most of the people i would tag have already done this so instead i'm gonna do a cop out and say if you're reading this consider yourself tagged!

[ohworm-writes]

I posted 380 times in 2022

205 posts created (54%)

175 posts reblogged (46%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@makesuretoloveyourself

@dreamwvrld

@fangirlingcentral

@sardonic-the-writer

@ohworm-writes

I tagged 238 of my posts in 2022

Only 37% of my posts had no tags

#worm.txt - 145 posts

#worm.answ - 103 posts

#worm.rbs - 31 posts

#anon.com/🐍 - 23 posts

#1000 follower event - 14 posts

#wilcza.com/my-dear - 13 posts

#one year event - 13 posts

#1 year event - 13 posts

#navigation - 12 posts

#navi - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#if you have a different idea for the personalized little tag i do then you can dm it to me so i can have that unique tag all set for you :)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Just saw the movie about- what, 30 minutes ago? Oh. My. Gods. Above. This is the only thing I will be talking about for the next 3 weeks.

I’m already in the middle of planning a fic (read: I’m insane). HOWEVER, this being said, the fic will be posted within the next few days.

Someone has to help feed this fandom as it grows. ;-) See you soon, and remember! Don’t talk to strangers…

178 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#4

See the full post

295 notes - Posted April 25, 2022

#3

▬ LOVERS ROCK PT. 1 ▬

Pairing: Jschlatt x Gn!Reader

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: Minimal cursing

Synopsis: Fall is in full swing in you and your boyfriend’s shared home. So, that means some baking is in order, yes?

Word Count: 1.3k

Author’s Note: Miss me? Here’s a little something to give you a taste. I’m back.

See the full post

419 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

#2

This whole situation is almost ironic to me. See, a few days ago I was sitting in my room and the thought of Techno came to mind. It was random, I’ll be honest, as I haven’t thought about him since April. But anyways, I wondered, you know, “How long has it been since he uploaded?” “I wonder where he is/ what’s he doing now”.

But, most importantly: “I hope he’s okay.”

I was at a party yesterday when I got the news. We were watching some movie and I wasn’t at all paying attention to it, so I went to TikTok to pass the time. And then I saw it. Someone uploaded a video saying something along the lines of “I hope this isn’t real”.

So, I checked what happened, and there it was.

My friend came over to talk and checked his phone and then he saw it and we were just speechless. I couldn’t process it until the car ride back, where I started tearing up and then fully sobbing when I got home.

I started rewatching videos as I cried myself to sleep, and then I woke up this morning and it started all over again. And while it hasn’t stopped, I have to continue to remind myself to be strong because this goofball was my inspiration! So much of myself is taken from him and I constantly have to remind myself that “It’ll be fineeee.”

I’m not okay, but really nobody else within this fandom is right now, I know that. But we have to be strong, as much time as it’ll take.

Cancer dies with the person it takes, so even here he didn’t lose: a draw, if you will. We’ll learn to be okay, however long it’ll take. And it’ll take a lot of time, believe me, but we’ll be okay.

Everything is within his calculations.

683 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I need more people to write for The Black Phone like- I’m at the point where if nobody will do it in the next 5 seconds, I will.

There are 2 fics over the course of any website I can find for it, and I swear to the gods above I KNOW the movies doesn’t come out for another few weeks but PLEASE!

Like- we can all agree that he’s hot, right? It’s not just a small group of people, right?

You guys get it, right?

Edit: Let’s acknowledge this character was based off of John Wayne Gacy and it has been stated in interviews that this character would be a pedophile. I can’t tell you who you can’t and can simp or obsess over, but I’d like anyone reading this to take in these facts. This post was made before the film debuted and before I knew who this character was based off of, and in no way do I support or condone it. I’ve since left this fandom of sorts, and while I do find Ethan Hawke attractive, I can no longer say the same for this character.

843 notes - Posted June 13, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[trans-gay-arospec-mike-wheeler]

No one tagged me but I want to do this WIP game so I shall

Rules:

post up to five (5) file names of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post.

after you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. you must then write 3 sentences in that file

that’s it! you can invite others to join in or just post

I only have 3 WIPs but

Byler mental hospital AU

Mike Wheeler ARFID fic

Byler gay bar

Snippet from Byler Mental Hospital AU

TW for referenced previous suicidal ideation

Mike was called on first, “I don’t know if I want to share.” He said quietly but the therapist encouraged him and soon he was reading it.

“In order for me to do this, I had to think of everything that I’ve done wrong, which wasn’t that hard.” He cleared his throat and started reading it, “I’m sorry dad, that I didn’t grow up as fast as you wanted. I’m sorry I still hold onto my childhood because it’s the only thing that reminds me of life before I…” he omitted something under his breath and his voice started to get shaky, “I’m sorry I’m not the strong man you wanted me to be, I’m sorry I dare to cry when I’m upset. I’m sorry mom, I’m sorry I’m not the perfect son you always wanted. I’m sorry that I yell at you sometimes and get into fights with you, I’m sorry I break the house rules sometimes. I’m sorry Nancy, for always stealing your money and never paying you back, I’m sorry for being the world’s most annoying and stupid brother, I’m sorry I make life more difficult for you, how can I make it better? I thought it would be better if I didn’t exist, but not even that worked, so I can’t even do that right.”

He took a deep breath and Will realized he was crying, “I’m sorry Jane, I’m sorry I don’t say I love you as much as I should because I know how much you love to hear it, but I’m sorry that I don’t love you in the way I should and frankly I don’t know if I can. I’m sorry for being such a horrible boyfriend. But most of all, I’m sorry to myself,” he looked up, “I’m sorry to my younger self for throwing you away, I’m sorry for forcing you to be brave and perfect and miserable. I’m sorry for thinking getting rid of you was the answer. But it’s too late, I don’t know how to take it back… I don’t know how to get you back.” He said and Will moved forward to hug him but one of the nurses shook her head.

No pressure tags: @fierrochaseist4t @willow-lark @will80sbyers and anyone else who wants to join!!!

[riverdalenerdlol]

I posted 8,820 times in 2022

83 posts created (1%)

8,737 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@stillhidden

@cheryllclayton

@sprousehart-x

@sabs1d

@jandjsalmon

I tagged 317 of my posts in 2022

#riverdale - 44 posts

#bughead - 35 posts

#betty cooper - 28 posts

#jughead jones - 26 posts

#ao3 - 22 posts

#stranger things - 21 posts

#fanfic - 16 posts

#bughead fanfic - 15 posts

#bughead fanfiction - 12 posts

#steve harrington - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 128 characters

#i torture myself with reading and writing while also paying thousands of dollars to be allowed to do it all for a sheet of paper

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Me watching that trailer

49 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#4

get lost (I’d die for you in a heartbeat)

Riverdalenerdlol

Beta’d by my fav @sabs1d​

Chapter Nine: Insufferable

“I’m not leaving Betty here alone until Alice is ready,” Jughead tells his father seriously. “I won’t risk it.”

Betty can’t tell if his decision to stay behind is because he’s trying to protect her from potential Ghoulie infiltrators or if he’s trying to make sure she doesn’t run off to join the fight, but either way it’s very valiant of him to want to stay behind with her.

“She’s not going anywhere,” FP reminds Jughead. “I need you out there. Now.”

“Fine,” Jughead relents. “Give me five minutes.” FP accepts this with a head nod, then leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

It’s quiet for a few seconds, and Betty gets to her feet as Jughead turns toward her.

“What are you doing?” he asks sternly.

“I don’t know,” Betty shrugs truthfully. “Felt like getting up.”

“Oh no no no no no,” he replies, easily scooping Betty into his arms and placing her on the bed. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Oh come on,” Betty replies, swinging her legs over the bed again. “I can hold my own.”

“Not like this you can’t,” Jughead says. “There is absolutely no way in hell that I’m letting you out of this room unless it’s your mother coming to take you to the safe room.”

“What makes the rest of you so much more equipped to handle a rumble right now?” she asks. “Why can’t I fight?”

Betty knows that there’s no way he’s letting her out of the room, but damnit she can’t handle anyone else getting hurt because of her dad. The least she can do is try.

Unfortunately, Jughead looks at her like she’s an idiot. (Honestly, she knows this is well-deserved on her end.)

“Are you fucking kidding right now?” he asks incredulously. “You got stabbed a few days ago!”

Final Chapter Now Live on AO3

54 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#3

Okay I feel like sometimes people try to justify BH by saying “but Archie’s not smart enough for Betty”

Really, truly, honestly… he’s just not emotionally intelligent the way Jughead is to Betty

Example:

*repressed traumatic memory* “That sucks, but you know what? We should have a baby.”

Versus

“My family is so fucked up right now and I feel like I can’t stop holding everything together or it’s going to fall apart.” “You’re so so much stronger than all the white noise, and I’m here for you.”

Jughead knows the right words that will actually comfort Betty when she’s Going Through It™️ as opposed to Archie

And that’s on emotional intelligence

59 notes - Posted May 22, 2022

#2

“Hard reboot” kinda sounds like “I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up, I need the ships that made me famous back”

67 notes - Posted August 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Babe wake up, new Riverdale meme format just dropped

92 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ivys-head-is-spinning]

okay hi y’all here we go.

first up to anyone who doesn’t like what I’m about to say you can scroll, or block me I don’t care. and also if you are going to hate on this post, read the full thing. hate me after you’ve read everything I’ve had to say so you at least see my side.

also I’ll be referencing some stuff @ya-what--ya-erster and @knockoff-conlon have said so definitely read some of the stuff they have said as well.

(and just don’t send hate to the asks boxes of my friends and I. thanks. It’s not that hard.)

Second sorry if I said things that may of offended people but please know I didn’t do so without reason. People, ADULTS, have been sending hate out to my friends and I for saying things like “newsies let’s go!” Or “I hope cats doesn’t win”

and look I understand we all have different opinions that’s called life. But saying that we are “so rude” for saying things like that is dumb I’m sorry but it is. Saying we don’t want cats to win is not a direct punch in all of your faces. It’s our opinions.

so of course this fuelled a strong reaction out of myself, and out of other newsies fans. If we splashed a little water in your faces, you sent tidal waves back (paraphrased from a quote by @musical-dash-trash).

what is hurting us is that adults are telling us our we can’t have opinions, and that our feelings are invalid and by disagreeing with them we are disrespectful.

a lot of the newsies fandom is made up of teenagers, and most of us have turned to this show as a sort of light in the dark. we use tumblr as our safe space to escape the struggles of our daily lives, no matter what they be, to just talk about a show that means so much to us and get away. One thing is that the cats fans are filling up the newsies tag so people in the fandom are getting all this hate down our throats are we are just trying to exist on here.

of course teenagers are going to be a bit crazy about our favourite musical. we are going to say and do the wrong things and be a bit too much. I guarantee many of you have done it but you just choose to not think of it and only focus on the mistakes we make. we need room to learn and grow and say the wrong things sometimes. again that is LIFE. go think about a time where maybe you were a little obnoxious or immature. we’ve all been there.

I’m not using this as an excuse I promise. but I’m using it as a reminder.

we don’t need you guys posting screenshots of everything we’ve said wrong. please think about how that can hurt us. it’s weird and wrong.

people are ignoring the fact that we’ve received hate too though. most of us get ignored or gaslighted enough by adults in our daily lives we sure as hell don’t need it from you guys. and don’t expect us to just forget about everything because any little thing you say can affect someone, I’m trying to learn this myself. (“the axe forgets but the tree remembers” and all that)

to me this has become more than one musical over the other. it’s trying to get my voice heard in a world that will never listen to anyone who isn’t old enough to buy a house. and I know many other people are feeling the same right now.

so please as you carry on with your lives and this pole, remember we are all human, we are all continuously making mistakes.

many people in the newsies fandom have come out and apologized but then got more hate thrown at them. please don’t continue to yell at us and tell us that we are solely in the wrong or that we are too young. we know we messed up but you guys did too.

and if for some reason you can’t see any of the points I’m trying to make, that’s okay. just keep scrolling. so once again, this is my apology for the things I said wrong, and your reminder to take more time to listen to the kids in your life. wether it be on tumblr or in your real life, just try and hear us out sometimes. I know it’s hard but we are all trying. you guys were in our position before too. remember that.

[dreary-clouds]

it frustrates me that people get upset with me not replying to them when i am quite literally very rarely actually allowed to front. in the last month , i have been out for (according to sp) a cumulative 4 days and 15 hours . maybe a little more because i don’t always log in right away , but not that much .

and also two of those days were me having genuine mental breakdowns and/or flashbacks . i am , generally speaking , not fronting .

and yet i am expected to always be able to reply to people , or accused of ignoring people , or being guilt-tripped , for something i have no control over . zero . most of the time it is not safe to just let me front and do whatever i want because i , first and foremost , am a symptom holder . i exist for when things get shitty so that my other parts can front and feel less shitty so that i/we can still function and not literally be incapable of getting up in the mornings . i front for my special therapy time or when i narc crash , 90% of the time . i only front for actual fun and to be able to enjoy the real world as a reward for not majorly fucking up and trying to kill myself or someone else .

i do not have the emotional energy or bandwidth , during the rare times that i actually get to feel good , to spend my energy on other people . that time is for me to try and remind myself that the world is not one hundred percent awful and horrible , and that hey , i do deserve to feel good sometimes !

so i’m honestly not that sorry if you can’t understand that , or just don’t want to . i can talk out loud for maybe two hours at a time before i shut down , and while i can message for a little longer than that , holding a conversation is very hard for me , because it requires me to project my energy away from myself .

most of the posts on my main blog are not even from «me» , honestly . the only posts i make are the ones that actually use my tagging system , everything else is other parts also using it because they know posts on here generally tend to be ignored .

so , just as a general rule going forwards , you can say you miss me as an offhand comment or whatever , that’s great and will give me supply when i come back . but constantly complaining about it reads to me/the system as you saying you would rather me put my life at risk than do what is best for my own health and safety , simply because you want me to say hi , and that will only make me hate you . you can talk to some other alters , it won’t kill you .

( written by bee , because people tend to ignore the tags sometimes . )

[lokischocolatefountain]

Just finished reading separation, [I know I already reblogged it, but I felt the need to explain the emotional roller-coaster I went through and figured it would be best to explain it here]

Ahem... THE ANGST DURING THE FIRST HALF OMFG! 😫 HAD ME ON EDGE! and then him SCREAMING "FUCKING TELL ME" I had to pause and recollect myself bc lord have mercy that did something to me (I don't know what nor can I say if it's good or bad 🫣)

But seeing Javi being worried/concerned that he fucked up AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IN WHAT WHY... I was sobbing, screaming, crying, pulling my hair out. Heart breaking, to say the least 😭

I LOVED them communicating, and Javi wanting/needing reader to open up and communicate with him but still not forcing reader into doing so... again sobbing and crying while screaming 😭

Reader telling him the reason why she left and him not being able to say/do much because it's not something he can control but still trying to comfort reader 🥺

And last but not least [I could rant about this fic, but alas I won't]

“You like this, don’t you?” He asked, lowering the register of his voice the way she liked as he took her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You want me to possess you, to hurt anyone who would want you that way I have you. You like that I can be a dangerous man.”

That, my friends... that was FUCKING HOT 🥵

All this to say, I LOVED LOVED LOVED everything about this fic! I love how you write my beloved Javi 🥹🫶🏽

I would love to be added to your tag list 🙃 I hope you have a lovely day/night 🫶🏽 and you'll be hearing from me again when I either reread all your fics or when a new fic comes out 🤪

That is all from me. I just needed to let everyone know that I am OBSESSED with this fic and would recommend it to everyone 😌 [it is 4am and I'm feeling bold, so for the first, I will not be posting anonymously... 🫣]

Stay safe, healthy, and hydrated ❣️

First of all, I love your url. It’s perfect and hilarious 😆 Secondly, THANK YOU for the reblog and this beautiful comment. I love when I’m taken on an emotional rollercoaster so it’s cool to know that I wrote something that was an emotional rollercoaster haha.

Ngl, the “fucking tell me!” wasn’t supposed to be that way, I just meant it to be angsty. But then I went back to read it after your comment and now I’m like 👀 It just reminded me of how hot he is when angry (like in the scene where he’s yelling at a guy trying to find Helena). I want him to scream at me 😩 and that’s all I can say without being sent right to horny jail.

Javi is a soft, gentle, kind man despite everything he has seen and done. And he has this strong sense of duty and doing the right thing. Combined, those characteristics would make him want to be a good husband. He cares for everyone deeply and he starts caring fast. So someone he marries would have all his care and love and respect. He would want to treat her right and make her happy, but he can’t always do that because of his job and because he’s only human. Humans make mistakes. But he’s not one to forgive himself. He’ll keep a ledger of his faults and go over them repeatedly. So when someone he loves leaves out of the blue like that, his instinct is to blame himself. He goes over the ledger, try to figure out what exactly he did wrong this time and when he can’t figure it out, he just feels worse.

I think he can’t bear it when people cry. Because he cares. So even though he wants answers more than anything, he stops his pursuit quickly to hold her and comfort her.

Yessss I’m glad you enjoyed that part about him knowing how she likes that he can be dangerous. That part is a bit of a self-insert, tbh. But can ya blame me? Irl, I would never go for someone who shot people (and got shot at) for a living but since it’s Javi and he’s not real, I can let my worst fantasies run wild. And wanting someone something I know I shouldn’t want… that’s 🥵🥵🥵

This comment is the best thing ever and it makes my heart all warm and fuzzy. Thank you thank you thank you sooooo much for this. I’ll keep it in mind to tag you in my future Javi fics. And I’m excitedly waiting to hear from you again 💜